#because at the end of the day they're still identifying with the self they hate. the self that lacks. the self that isn't true to them.

[heliosoll]

Neville and other loa teachers often say "identify with the Inner Man" and that's not without reason. Everything else is secondary; a tool. Affirming, visualizing, sats, the void. Literally everything. They're all tools to help you identify with the self you want to be. That self is in there, but the more you deny it, the harder your journey will be.

Learn to identify with the Inner Man. Allow yourself to live in imagination and the 3D will follow.

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[toomanythoughts2]

Dethklok AU where the band takes on attributes from their animal forms after "Dethcarraldo".

Murderface gains a vomeronasal organ and is able to process information through smells. He hates the fact that he can smell a lot better now because he knows more about his bandmates than he necessarily wants to. However, he relishes in the fact that he does have all of this information, because he can use it to be a dick to them better.

Murderface gains the ability to purr. He doesn't know this until Pickles gives him a shoulder rub after practice and he goes off like a flight engine. He's very self conscious about it. They don't hear it again until during the events of AOTD when they give Murderface a hug. He's so loud and his body vibrates so harshly that it shakes the group.

Pickles' dreads become extensions of his hands and are able to hold and pick things up, usually around 10 pounds. He uses it mainly to hold his beers and other instruments when he needs to use his hands. He also uses them for a cool trick on stage to hold his extra drum sticks.

Pickles gains the ability to stay under the water for as long as he wants. He doesn't gain the ability to withstand the pressure though and his body still reacts to being in water for a long period of time. He mainly uses this when he doesn't want to listen to his bandmates in the hot tub and will sink under the water and stay there until they're done.

Toki's hearing increases and he is able to pick up frequencies that no other human can. (Hear over 2 miles away with a range of 96Hz [The tone a CRT television emits while running] to 49,000Hz [high notes that humans physically can't hear].) Problem is that he can't identify each note and a lot of it does hurt his hearing. The ear muffs in AOTD are specially designed to block out a lot of those sound ranges for him specifically.

Toki gains interest in a lot of green foods and eats a lot of leafy type of vegetables in his diet. This does not stop him from loving his candy and he has tried to mix the two together. It has not worked and it is very gross. He keeps trying though.

Nathan is able to stay under the water for longer than a normal human could, around 20 minutes, but he can stay under there for 2 hours if he's resting. Him and Pickles will have body language conversations under the water.

Nathan's biting power increases rapidly, and he can eat through the bone in some of his meals. This ends with him biting his tongue one day and accidently giving himself an importune tongue piercing.

Skwisgaar's eyesight increases and is able to spot minuscule things from far away. (Able to see a mouse a mile away with only the light source from a match.) He uses this to further scrutinize, and adjust, his own guitar playing and the others. Granted, with the new eyesight, he can tell exactly where certain verses are going wrong and fix them immediately. He's also able to see a lot more fans from the stage, specifically ones he wants to invite back to his room. [He's sees you up there in the stand, Grandma!]

Skwisgaar gets claws but he gets them on his feet and hands, which are very annoying and not helpful to his profession. He has to get them professional taken cared of because of how tough the nail is and how fast they grow. The claws can slice through his strings and he can't have that. Toki jokes him for his claws because he says they look like kitty cat claws. Skwisgaar snaps all of his strings in retaliation.

Toki uses his hearing ability to help Knubbler with his engineering. He doesn't always have the words to describe what he's hearing, but its a step up from Knubbler only using his human ears.

Nathan's connection with the whale is stronger when he is in the water, especially if he falls asleep. The message is not as scary under the water but it still intimidates him.

Skwisgaar has wondered if he is able to rotate his head all the way around and has attempted to do so, only for him to hurt his neck. He does not have the ability to turn his head around. However, he does get a tingly sense around the back of his head when something is happening, like spidey senses.

Murderface has been caught more than once making biscuits when he's tired. He can't help it, the feeling is just too good.

Murderface is jealous of Skwisgaar's claws, so he grows his out to appear that he has claws. No one believes him. However, his nails do take on a pointier shape, just not like Skwisgaar's claws.

Pickles has been gifted by fans hundreds and hundreds of "Emotional Flip Octopus" plushies.

[kitkatt0430]

1, 11, 14, 20, and 25 (coldflash please!!!) ❤️

1.) Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with ‘because I love you!’ ?

Barry. Absolutely Barry.

Len struggles enough with the words 'i love you' that he does not bring them out in an argument. But Barry would absolutely play this card in the heat of the moment only to regret it later. Not because it isn't true because he does love Len but he does get how manipulative it comes off and he doesn't want to be that.

Honestly, I think Len would absolutely call him out on it and have to get away from Barry for a bit until they've both cooled off. (Pun mostly intended.)

Barry has to learn how to reason out his arguments better than that and defending his actions with a 'because I love you' stops being a thing fairly quickly.

11.) Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell?

They are both terrible about doing this. They are both very much of the bottle things up and pretend they aren't there school of emotional regulation.

Len of course struggles because of the shitty, abusive asshole in his life that was Lewis. Len does get better over time with opening up to Barry, but it is a struggle and he wishes it wasn't but he's so damn glad Barry is patient about it. It does take time for Barry to recognize the signs that Len's bottling something up but he does get fairly good at it. Though Len remains the better of the two at hiding the signs that something has upset him.

Barry has issues of his own because of how things were with Joe not believing him/not believing in him as a kid (and as an adult). Like... I really hate the scene where Joe jokes about Barry being like another daughter to him because here Barry is trying to be honest about his feelings with Joe and Joe... takes the opportunity to be misogynistic about it. Not cool, Joe. Not cool.

So Barry struggles to let himself be vulnerable with others because it backfires on him a lot and he bottles a lot up as a result. He's a lot less successful than Len is about hiding this kind of thing from the get go because he gets sulky about stuff when he's upset, so Len figures out a lot faster when Barry's upset even though Barry thinks that he's definitely not wearing his bruised heart on his sleeve this time, surely.

14.) How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

They compliment each other's planning skills. They both have expertise in different areas and are good at identifying one another's blind spots. Len is good at boosting Barry's self confidence where others might make him doubt himself. And Barry reminds Len that building a plan that includes room for compassion isn't a weakness. It's one of Len's strengths. But Barry also reminds Len to have confidence when he worries being a thief is all he's good for and Len reminds Barry that compassion is his strength too.

They clash a lot over planning too though. They're both leaders, they're both used to being in charge. And it can get messy if they both want to micromanage things at the same time.

20.) Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

You have no idea how tempting it is to go dig up that Glee rendition of Smooth Criminal. I may not have watched that show, but I have seen that clip a number of times.

Life on Earth by Snow Patrol feels like it really suits them

This is not the love you've had before This is something else, this is something else This is not the same as other days This is something else, this is something else It shouldn't need to be so fucking hard This is life on earth, it's just life on earth It doesn't need to be the end of you, or me This is life on earth, it's just life on earth

25.) What are their vices?

I feel like Cisco would quite loudly declare their greatest vice is lust. Scowling at them as he did. They know what they did. They know.

But I think maybe it's really that they can be a bit jealous and covetous of one another. Barry wants to be Len's first choice after being 'not a choice' to iris for so long. He wants Len's attention, he wants Len seeing him and not just the trappings of the Flash that he comes with. And Len struggles to understand why Barry would pick him after being in love with Iris for so long and fears that he'll never truly be to Barry what Barry had wished for Iris to be.

As they get more confident in their relationship, this settles a lot but insecurities are not easily defeated permanently and will pop up from time to time but with longer and longer intervals between.

[velvet-games]

intro post

I'll probably add more to/change this later; I've just needed an intro post for a while, and this is what I could think of. you should probably remind me to update it if this section is still here after like six months lol.

name/pronouns/age/gay shit~

honestly you can call me whatever, but I probably won't know you're talking about me unless you use vel/velvet.

prefer they/it; any pronouns are fine.

I'm probably non-binary I guess.

I'm an adult.

I basically just identify as queer at this point, but I'm like,, vaguely aroace-spec probably? still figuring it out. I'm actually very happy to talk about it more specifically, but I might have to sit you down for an entire day to explain it lol.

what I do/post~

I mostly post fandom stuff, and my original posts include a lot of art + occasional meta. I'm starting write fic too, so that might be a more regular thing in the future :)

other accounts~

@/velvetygames -- explicit nsfw twitter/x account, not very active

@cornerbytes -- old dragon prince account that I will probably revisit when the new season comes out

@/velvet_games -- ao3 account

nsfw~

I post occasional nsfw here (never super explicit; that's saved for my twitter); it'll be tagged #nsft.

fandoms~

current fandom: hazbin hotel

previous fandoms:

hannibal (will always have a very special place in my heart)

arcane (will revisit when the new season comes out)

ofmd (literally so happy this exists; devastated it's not getting a new season)

the dragon prince (will probably revisit when the new season comes out)

good omens

lotr (I also read like 2/3 of the hobbit and will hopefully finish it this summer lmao)

things in media that make me go insane (in a good way)~

friendship

happy endings

cannibalism

(WELL-WRITTEN) romance (THAT RESPECTS THE CHARACTERS AS INDIVIDUALS AS WELL AS WHO THEY ARE IN RELATION TO OTHERS)

surrealism

good visuals (even if everything else is shit; extra points if it's animation)

angst

fake-hating

this one's weird but I love situations where a character is really helpless; I thought I liked whump because I can be borderline sadistic about it sometimes, but whump is really not necessary at all to this concept

religious stuff, mythology, angels specifically for some reason (especially when they're terrifying and/or fallen)

gay people

requests~

you are welcome to send in ideas through comments, DMs, asks, etc., but I can't guarantee I'll draw them. if I don't, it doesn't mean that I don't like your idea; I'm probably just busy or have too many brainworms about a specific thing to draw anything but what's on my mind.

notes~

I randomly get really anxious about feedback on stuff sometimes lol, but I promise I read every single comment/tag and cherish them very deeply <33

also, like/rb spamming is totally fine and welcomed! I know some people don't like it, so I just wanted to make it clear that it's completely cool with me.

mutuals~

for a really long time, this was my pinned post, and it's still true! definitely welcome any interactions from mutuals <3

I do have a problem with randomly ghosting people though; I've been much better with it recently, but please try not to take it personally if I don't respond to DMs quickly. I'm probably just being insane and in my head about it. I'm really sorry.

misc~

this is an account that is purposely removed from my irl stuff; I'm here to have fun and relax on my mostly fandom-oriented blog.

I don't block often since I mostly meet nice people on here, but I am very happy to block accounts that make my experience on this app shitty.

I try to tag triggers when appropriate, but please let me know if you need me to tag anything I haven't.

art for me is just a hobby I use for fun and self-expression, so while I really appreciate concrit, keep in mind that my goal is ultimately to make stuff that makes me happy.

I am also very protective of young artists that get made fun of for being beginners or making unconventional art; you should never assume why someone is making art, and you especially should not assume that they are focused on becoming more skilled or making things that are beautiful to you. if they're not hurting anyone and you're not their target audience, get the fuck out.

I am of the mindset that media is not real, but that your reaction/the things you learn are. liking cannibal media does not make you a cannibal, but seeing bigoted portrayals of minorities can feed your biases (doesn't necessarily mean you can't consume it; does mean its effect on you/others irl should factor into if/how you decide to interact with it).

I'm vaguely fucked in the head. just keep that in mind.

[fangirlwriting-stories]

Have Some Meta Thoughts I'm Having About Avatar and That One Time Toph and Katara Went to the Spa and Why I Actually Don't Hate It

Because this is my blog and I do what want *nods firmly to self*

Still gonna put it under a cut though because it's gonna get long

Okay, so, I'm rewatching Avatar right now just for fun, and I just got to Tales of Ba Sing Se, and now I'm having a lot of thoughts about this plotline. Normally I'm not a huge fan of the "girls day out at the spa because we're surrounded by boys all the time and need to do some girly things" kind of plotline. Instinctually, I prefer the way Amphibia did it when Anne tries to take Polly to the spa, where Polly still isn't a fan of the spa by the end of the episode and it's revealed the two boys, Sprig and Hop Pop, like the spa a lot more. But I actually really like the way Avatar did this plotline in Tales of Ba Sing Se, enough that other than the obvious Iroh choice, it's my favorite of the stories in the episodes, and I'm gonna go over why.

First of all, and I think this helps a lot overall, Avatar has a lot of episodes where it goes into the idea of girls not having to like all girly things and that they can fight and kick ass at it too. No one who tries to put down Toph or Katara because they're girls (or for any other reason for that matter) is going to last very long. That's actually proven near the end of the mini story when they mess up those girls who make fun of them, and that helps it too.

But I actually really like the spa parts, even more than the "beat up the jerks" part. I like that Toph ends up enjoying it, despite being unsure at first. I like that Katara is okay with Toph's own way of messing around and having fun, like when she makes the alien face by earthbending the mud. I like that they both use their bending to relax in a sauna. And I actually really like that at the end, Toph says she had fun and is enjoying feeling girly. Because actually, I've had those days too.

In case whoever's reading this doesn't know, I identify as what I tend to call a nonbinary woman. I feel fully like a nonbinary person and fully like a woman at the same time, most of the time. (Don't ask me how that works, I don't fully understand it either, it's just how I feel.) I didn't feel super connected to my "girl" identity growing up. I actually look pride in being a "tomboy" a lot of the time. But I still had days where, for one reason or another, I wanted to lean into it. Times when I was a kid and wanted to wear a dress just for the heck of it, or paint my nails, or wear something sparkly and pink. Sometimes the novelty of it was fun, or I wanted to feel connected to that "girl" part of myself that felt either out of reach or unimportant most of the time.

And for that reason, I see a lot of myself in Toph in this story. She comes across to me as wanting to connect with her oft-intentionally-neglected femininity, and I like that that's something she gets to do without being any less of a badass or any less Toph. That's a mistake made by a lot of people who write strong female characters, making the character look down on femininity as a whole. But to parrot what's said by Suki a season earlier, Toph is a badass, but she's a girl too. She can be both.

The other part I really like is how Katara comforts her after they get rid of the jerkish assholes who just want to put them both down. Katara starts with "Those girls don't know what they're talking about," and then Toph responds that one of the good things about being blind is that she's never worried about appearances and doesn't care what she looks like and isn't looking for anyone's approval. But despite that, it's obvious to both Katara the audience that it did get to her. Because of course it did! When you're cautiously exploring a neglected (intentionally or not) part of your identity, that's often a vulnerable place to be in. And if someone then insults you for that very thing you're exploring, it hurts like a bitch.

But Katara doesn't acknowledge her tears or keep going with how wrong the girls were, she instead turns it back on Toph's strong points: "That's what I really admire about you, Toph. You're so strong, and confident." She turns it onto things that they both know Toph is, and tells Toph she admires that about her. And then to top it all off, she validates the things that Toph was enjoying before: "And I know it doesn't matter, but... you're really pretty."

Honestly, that line makes me tear up every time. Because that's Katara validating the very thing that Toph was insecure about. Toph's "I don't care what I look like and I can be confident in that," responded to with, "I admire that about you, and also, if you ever do want to feel pretty, know that you are." And the inner little girl me just melts.

I love this plotline because it doesn't move away from Katara and Toph's characters to let them be stereotypically girly, it explores how Katara and Toph would be stereotypically girly, and then validates them in being allowed to do that.

And I'm really glad I got this episode as a kid, because now on days that I do feel like painting my nails or wearing a dress, I can go into it knowing that it doesn't take away from me in any way. And that's just a really nice, really validating message to hear. And I'm glad Avatar took the time to say it.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm morbidly fascinated by those "quotes" blogs. Whenever one of them makes it onto my dash I often compulsively hate-scroll through it for a couple of minutes, and I almost always find that while *some* of the blog is made up of vetted aphorisms and statements by identifiable people, a LOT of it is always some sort of extremely clumsy platitude attributed to "Unknown", as if it's a piece of ancient folk wisdom--but on closer inspection it's barely meaningful, like the one above. What does that say, "things that are hard to do are hard when you do them"? Yes, it is literally true that difficult doesn't mean impossible, is that really useful to point out? I would even get this more if the quote were something like "Impossible only means difficult"; there ya go, there's a little chicken soup for the teenage soul type of mindbender for ya. But what we have instead is just a definition of difficulty with a list of tags longer than the two sentences themselves. Thanks a lot, real inspiring. And then some of the quotes laid at the feet of poor old Unknown are just something like, "All I need is a cup of coffee, my favorite sweater, and a dog-eared book on a rainy day," and you're like Is this really a quote? Is the idea of "quotes" still worth something if we just mean "anything that could potentially come out of someone's mouth"? If you gave any of the people who run these blogs a copy of Bartlett's it would probably blow their brains out of their minds.

So because I get obsessed with things I don't understand, I start thinking about who it is that cooks these things up. There's someone, somewhere sitting at their computer trying to think of "deep" things to say, things that fit a certain tone and pattern that targets "your loneliest elderly relative on Facebook", and then they just write them down and slap "Unknown" on the end like it's some kind of profound secret that the reader is fortunate to stumble upon. To me, some of the results are just word salad. Like I think I know how this one is going to end, but then:

Ignoring the stray hyphen...my "pure soul"? I guess this is one way of saying "it's what's inside that counts", but seriously, what the fuck. What the hell are you talking about. But I have enough self-doubt in my constitution to wonder if I just don't get something here; I start to have a waking nightmare that this is actually an unattributed verse from Rumi or some shit that I'm just too primitive to recognize or understand. So I go Google this, and of course I find 15 or so versions of this:

And I'm back to trying to envision the culprit sitting at their computer trying to figure out how to sound like the oracle at Delphi real quick before their lunch break is over. What motivates someone to do this? Do they think they're going to get a book deal out of it? A lot of people will just do anything for attention; years ago I saw a post with this dry, formal caption about the domestic abuse incidents that led up to the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson along with regular pictures of her with VERY poorly photoshopped injuries. It was like...dude that is all a matter of public record, with real photos already in circulation, WHY ARE YOU FAKING THIS?? Maybe I'm just too much of an alien to understand why anyone does anything at all. But anyway, if this is too much negativity for you before 8am, try this version on for size, and have a terrific day.

[princeescaluswords]

CAN DO NO WRONG

I have a favorite character -- it's not hard to find out who -- and the most prominent complaint I've heard from a hostile fandom is that "everyone treats Scott as perfect!" and "the show acts as if Scott can do no wrong." And it's always been perplexing to me how people can say that. The show had this character frequently being wrong, being punished for being wrong, being humiliated for being wrong, and nearly being killed for being wrong. In the fifth season, my favorite character walked around for six episodes (out of twenty) with a non-healing chest wound the size of a softball because he got tricked by one of the season's villains. Now, supernatural healing was one of his major abilities, so it was a big deal, and the key for him overcoming it was making up for the mistakes he made. And they still argue that everyone treats him as if he "can do no wrong."

Now, part of it -- as I've explained in depth -- is racism. Certain members of the fandom wanted any of a number of white male characters to be the lead protagonist, and because they weren't, they looked for reasons to hate the Latino heroic protagonist. The accusation of him never being punished or being held accountable for his actions is a favorite, and somehow, no matter how many times Scott faced consequences or punishment in the show and how many times fans of the show point it out, it's never enough. Of course, this is because the only consequence this racist fandom would accept is him not being the lead protagonist.

But I feel there's another reason as well. Every week, I see someone defend the right to be a fan of villains. And they're right! It's wonderful to find a villain who speaks to you on a visceral level. it's thrilling to identify with the urge to toss away the restrictions we find ourselves burdened with every day. However, when you emotionally connect with such a character that strongly, there is the urge to see that character succeed.

In my particular show, the villains often do succeed to an extent. Peter Hale, the villain of the first and fourth seasons, was a manipulative serial killer who ambushed and murdered his own family and mutilated and violated children, yet he walked around for 38 episodes free and unmolested after his first murder spree, and he ended the series with his liberty and his millions in tact with a new family. And yet, his fans act as if he was the most persecuted person in the cast.

I can't help but think that there is a lack of awareness that the antagonist they are so fond of can't succeed completely: they're the villain after all! This isn't "useless" moralizing. Aristotle called phenomena such as this a universal in his Poetics, a central requirement of good storytelling. A villain can only triumph in a tale of nihilistic and/or dystopian horror, because no one, not even the most macho libertarian sociopath, truly wants to exist in the despotic world that successful villains would create. No one with any sense of dignity or self-preservation wants to imagine a world where brutality and manipulation are virtues and compassion and honesty are vices. No reader or character prefers savagery over civilization, or wants the strong to freely prey on the weak. Not even the villains themselves.

Those who create understand this; the triumph of the villain who remains a villain is inherently unsatisfying. Those who enjoy art understand this; they instinctively react to a story where the wrongdoer's victory is treated as a triumph with either horror at the creator's vision or disdain for the creator's immaturity. The only way for the villain's conquest to satisfy is for the villain to stop being the villain, and the easiest way for the audience to achieve that state is to undermine the hero.

That's why heroic protagonists are attacked as being full of flaws and flawless at the same time. Why characters who are set up in opposition to malefactors are labeled as either hypocritical White Knights or naive Don Quixotes. Why organizations portrayed as good in their fictions and targeted for destruction by the villains -- such as the Jedi from the Star Wars stories -- are suddenly dismissed as unrealistic or recontextualized as the "real" villains. When we look at the media -- the actual media -- are we really supposed to think that Scott McCall is a moron tyrant? That the Jedi are arrogant, brain-washing baby-nappers?

The essence of this universal is simply too powerful: the only way for them to truly and freely enjoy stanning the villain is to make every other character worse and by fandom alchemy render the label villain inconsequential. Unfortunately for them, the essentials of storytelling run counter to this, and so heroic protagonists who struggle but ultimately triumph must be criticized because they can do no wrong.

[kelliealtogether]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you, @cheeeryos for the tag. 💕

How many works do you have on ao3?

71+

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,130,187

What fandoms do you write for?

The Raven Cycle/The Dreamer Trilogy. I have hoped another will come along that will entice me enough to write, but, alas, nothing else has yet. 

Top five fics by kudos:

Boxes on the Lawn

Open Door

𝛑

What It All Could Be

Going Back to These Origins

(I find it interestingly hilarious that 3/5 have titles from Damien Rice songs.)

Do you respond to comments?

I do my best to, yes.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Even when I get angsty, I still try to have a hopeful ending (at least in my opinion). However, the ending of Somnium is probably the most melancholic of my (self-identified) hopeful endings.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is tough because I always try to go for the HEA, so I'll say the most satisfying and hardest won HEA is probably Boxes on the Lawn.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually, but it has happened. 

Do you write smut?

I do. 

Craziest crossover:

I've yet to write a crossover, and I'll never say never, but I don't see any crossovers in my future. Fusions, though… I'm all about fusions. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge. 

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, no. 

All time favorite ship?

I think it's obvious. 😌 Pynch. 

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

In all honesty, probably The Rearview.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I keep my writing interesting. I intentionally try to vary my sentences so they're not all "Adam did X. Ronan did Y," change up length, and have gotten better at not using filter or filler words. Basically, I try to mirror what I like reading in my writing, and do my best to not bore a reader. I also think I'm pretty funny. Or I at least make myself laugh a lot upon rereading my own fics.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to rush endings. I get them to the happily ever after and call it a day. There's no savoring it or relishing in it. Letting them breathe a little and finally have some peace on page. It's climax, then boom, the end. I'm trying to get better at this. I also think I never include enough dialogue. I don't think I'm as bad at dialogue as I once was, but reading back through my fics, there's never a significant amount of talking going on. 

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I mean, for assholes who use Latin as their love language, I think it's fine. It has its place. 

First fandom you wrote in?

First first was Mary Sue self-insert Flyers RPF. The one that grew legs and ran was Pierre and David from Simple Plan.

Favorite fic you've written?

*** **** because of the way I wrote Pynch's relationship. Uncensored, Vital Pieces, because cannibalism because I really like my writing in it and some of the scene choices I made. Ask me next week and this will change. 

Tagging @emmerrr and @werewolffeelings if either of you are interested. 🥰

[the-ding-dong-ditch-committee]

Fic idea I'm working on

Notations:

I have romantic ganlink, but can be platonic, I'm just being self-indulgent and stuff

Also spoilers, but I haven't finished the game

I'm probably gonna edit the shit out of this bc this is a rough idea

Ask me to tag anything if you want

Totk au where Link manages to grab Zelda's hand enough that he thinks she's safe, but instead of everything being fine, they both get sent back to the beginning of Hyrule.

Unfortunately they get separated. Zelda is found by Rauru and Sonia, but Link is found on the edge of Gerudo town.

Guards bring Link to Ganon, king of the Gerudo, but it's because they think he's one of Rauru's messengers, trying to make them join Hyrule.

When Link explains how he doesn't know who Rauru is, isn't a messenger, and doesn't know how he got here, Ganon inspects him further.

Eventually Ganon is getting even more tired of Rauru attempting to convince him into Hyrule, and realizes that Rauru's messengers are all male, he passes a law.

No men shall be allowed to enter Gerudo town, unless given such passage by the chief.

Link ends up being the one who will listen to Ganon's rants, and stays by his side most of the time.

At some point they travel to see Rauru, and Link sees Zelda. He is excitedly signing to her, before gently pulling on Ganon's hand to tell ask if he can speak to Zelda. On Zelda's side, she asks Rauru and Sonia. The two end up rambling to eachother for a while in Zelda's room.

Until Link is escorted from her room to the guest room with Ganon, where he asks about Zelda.

Link explains that he knows Zelda, and he was her knight. Ganon says that they're having a diplomatic dinner in an hour.

The dinner goes well. Link and Zelda help with the deal, and all seems well.

Zelda still doesn't trust Ganondorf, but Link did. Zelda wasn't wrong to have her doubts. In fact that was a good thing.

Ganon adored how he had the courage to defeat monsters far over twice his size. How he was able to identify plants that were edible. How he could hunt with surprising efficiency.

A day or two later, Sonia, Rauru, and Ganon are talking about Hyrule and such. Link is sitting not too far away weaving and braiding whatever flowers he and Zelda could find into necklaces and bracelets. Zelda was wandering the area to find additional flowers for Link to use.

Link was distracted but, while Zelda was walking by she felt a wave of bad intentions from Ganon.

Skip forward a few weeks, Link and Ganon are back in Gerudo town.

Ganon gets a report of Rauru not upholding his end of a deal [idk what kind of deal it would be, maybe a trade deal or something idk], and is reasonably upset by such.

Ganon sends a letter to say that if he didn't uphold his end in the future, he and the gerudo would resign from Hyrule.

Zelda has picked a side, but Link didn't want to.

He didn't want to because, while Sonia and Rauru were kind to Zelda, he felt like she didn't see that Ganon had been kind to him. Any anger he expressed, was because of either Rauru, or the stress of being in his position.

He knew that Ganon was going to get sealed away, he knew bad things would happen but he didn't want to choose.

He runs off crying at some point, hating that people he cared about were fighting. He didn't want to be the deciding vote.

Ganon finds him, and attempts to comfort him.

Link, a few days later manages to disappear entirely. Or so Ganon thought.

He found a place with enough sentimental value, and soon was back in his time.

[polyhexian]

god it's so FUCKING ANNOYING the ace community still cannot escape AVEN getting declared the big important Ace Community Representative or whatever. literally from its inception it's done nothing but be alienating to like 90% of the ace community. i've identified as ace for 15 years and in that time i've never met more than a handful of aces who didn't get pissed off at the mere mention of it tbh.

I've ALSO identified as Ace for precisely 15 years how funny. And I fucking hate aven. It had such a profoundly negative affect on me. It was so toxic and undermined my self esteem so much. It's this classic kind of "sex is nasty, ESPECIALLY those nasty gays, we are so much better and cleaner than them because they're so dirty lol" and they were so OBSESSED with creating imagery and icons and in-jokes so much. It had this underlying current of desperately wanting to convince everyone they were more oppressed than any other demographic and then becoming some kind of exclusive club that was better than everyone else, creating all those intracommunity jokes and icons to exclude others. And again all the heteromantic aces who would fly into a rage at the idea they weren't facing equal discrimination to a black trans woman living in the deep south. It was so focused on IMAGE, not on actually like, your internal self or feelings. Just the image you put out for other people to perceive. Back in those days ace discourse was MISERABLE and aven pushed so hard to create discourse and to seperate ace people from all LGBT communities and to constantly start fights and be aggressive and it was no wonder tbh that other people were so venomous against ace stuff because aven and it's entire mentality encouraged people to BE toxic. It's taken so much work to undo the damage that all did and to mend the wounds between ace and LGBT communities.

God I remember like. Aven days. If a 14 year old wondered if they were ace and you said maybe! But you might also be a late bloomer, or you might be bi or gay or trans or even have some kind of trauma affecting the way you feel attraction. You could totally be ace! But you're young and you should keep your mind open as your feelings develop. Avenfolks would swoop in with "that's aphobic!!!" And convincing young people that the second they thought maybe they were ace they were definitely ace and there was no other option and if they ever changed their minds they were some kind of traitor. I think it really fucked a lot of people up as they were growing and changing. And I say that as a person who DID end up being endgame ace!!

[verlaines-corner-archive]

KICKS YOUR DOOR DOWN !!! idk if these count as wholesome, but they are all general fedya headcanons i have (can you guess which ones are me self projecting ???)

he's epileptic cause the real fyodor was epileptic

he's a super sex positive person and the stigma that having a lot of sex/exploring your sexual self makes you a lesser person infuriates him to no ends. he also thinks the whole 'pre-marital sex is a sin' thing is fucking bullshit

he's an orthodox christian, but he's a little more on the ambiguous side of being an orthodox, he identifies with the faith, but not to the T

he likes small soft animals, and he likes small stuffies

he didn't learn to read, write or speak until much later than his peers, but once he did learn all the things, he was far ahead of everyone else.

he gets sick quite a bit, but he gets self conscious about how weak his body and immune system are, so when he does get sick he just hides away from everyone around him. good thing he's very competent and can take care of himself.

he actually has a very good relationship with his mom. he still calls her from time to time and they talk for hours to catch up. she doesn't know what exactly he's doing, but she loves hearing from her dear son

he very much enjoys romance novels, they're kinda his guilty pleasure, but one of his favorite things to do to relax is drink some hot tea and read a good romance story.

speaking of tea, he likes it really sweet, more cream and sugar than actual tea.

he has an over active imagination, and when he was a kid was absolutely convinced that everything was living, he talked to his toys all the time. having whole conversations with them.

wears his hat all the time because he HATES when things touch his ears.

his hands are really soft, but constantly cold, and his knuckles get very red a lot of the time bc of how cold his hands get.

he finds slasher films to be corny and annoying, but he does enjoy himself a good psychological horror film. but his movie is v for vendetta. he likes the themes that are used, the film style, the use of colors. it's definitely his go to when he gets to pick the movie for movie nights.

speaking of movie nights, on the topic of dates, as tedious as it is, he has scheduled dates. it's all he can do for dates since he's so busy.

he talks to himself a lot. he often narrates everything he does, and doesn't even notice it sometimes. he just goes about his day spewing silly little monologues as everyone just stares at him weird.

he likes stars quite a bit, and planets fascinate him. despite how smart he is, he has never been able to fully wrap his head around how big the world really is, and how tiny he and everyone he knows is so tiny in comparison.

every time he sees an animal out in public, he waves to it, of (if he can do it discreetly) blows it a little kiss.

he likes cabbage a lot !! no particular reason, he just likes cabbage.

okay i'm done... for now. patiently awaiting the fyodor filth :D

Hello dear Lev! I am going to respond to some of your hcs with my opinions on your hcs. Under the cut for space

 -> I agree with Fyodor being epileptic! There’s actually a really interesting twitter thread by faust [@CosmicFaustus] going over his health and possible conditions he has.

 -> Now, I don’t really agree with the sex positivity one and I’m going to go over why because this is a very interesting topic to me.

Firstly I believe Fyodor to be both sex repulsed and a virgin. This is for a few reasons, the main one being that sex is something that requires vulnerability. The other person would have to see his body, frail and weak as it is, and despite his ability he would be in a position where he is out in the open. Bare and fully exposed, and the intimacy and vulnerability that comes with that is that freaks him out, leading to being him repulsed by the idea of it. With a lover he’d definitely warm up to sex, but it would take a long time and a lot of trust/comfort. But once that has been reached yeah, he’s all for exploring himself/themselves sexually.

In regards to other people I can’t see him being really sex positive. To Fyodor sex is something sacred, to be done only between lovers, an ultimate display of love and trust, and while he doesn’t really care about what other people do he will definitely silently judge them. People who sleep around or have had many partners are, to him, idiots who can’t control themselves. None of his business once again, and he’ll never actually say anything, but he definitely judges.  Fyodor definitely has a “my way or the high way” mentality, so those who go against what he believes are definitely lesser to him, which can pose a problem when it comes to relationships. He is not the best at understanding other peoples point of view beyond a theoretical understanding.

I do agree with the pre-marital sex though. I don’t think he cares much for that, but once again if someone has had a lot of bodies before marriage then he’s definitely side-eyeing them. But he would definitely have sex with his own lover before marriage, hundred percent.

Tl;dr: Fyodor is only sex positive with his lover, and that takes a while.

 -> I agree with him being Christian! I definitely see it being more ambiguous though, like you said. His relationship with religion is most certainly very strained and odd but that would require a whole analysis to get into.

 -> Fyodor definitely likes animals. I think he does both the “man is nothing more than animals” and “animals are so much better than man” thing. I also do see Fyodor having kept a teddy bear from when he was a child, though it’s hidden away and he seldom ever looks at it.

 -> He definitely gets sick a lot [once again pointing back at the tread by Faust], though I don’t think he’s good at taking care of himself. Fyodor can very easily get lost in his work and got days on end without eating or sleeping, and when he does take care of himself it’s either the bare minimum or actual proper self care, with the latter usually only being on days where he’s free [read as Ivan forcing him to take a break].

 -> I kind of see him liking romance? It’s by no means his favourite genre, but sometimes he’ll indulge and read one. I think he prefers tragic romances though, though the cheesy ones can be fun to pick on [especially with his lover].

 -> I don’t agree with him having an overactive imagination at all. Even as a kid Fyodor probably had a very ‘mature’ understanding and awareness of mortality and so on, I don’t think he ever believed everything was alive. I could see him talking to a stuffed animal maybe, but that would be from pure loneliness, nothing else.

 -> Now I don’t really see Fyodor watching movies, but I certainly don’t think his favourite would be V for Vendetta.

And yeah, he definitely schedules dates. There are some spontaneous ones, but a lot of times they’re predetermined. Which, honestly, is how Fyodor likes them. It gives him something to look forward to and creates a very welcome consistency. 

 -> I half agree with Fyodor narrating. I firmly believe Fyodor wouldn’t narrate aloud at all, no silly monologues or anything of that ilk. To everyone else Fyodor is ghostly silent, to the point where some people wonder if he’s actually there or not. Everything Fyodor thinks is internalised, he’s extremely in his own head.

[foranonymousrepliestoposts]

I honestly find most frustrating that conversations about nonbinary people focus too much in the USA terms and characteristics designed for it. I think I've probably fit the nonbinary category pretty much my whole life, but personally I've never really identified with the word or the community online because of how USA-centric it is (I'm from Central America). There are a lot of conversations about finding the Right Pronouns for You as if that was the end-all form of self-affirmation for a person (though it can be a big one), when in fact that’s just more a social concern in my mind. I think people being able to be legally recognized as their gender and having access to gender-affirming care are more important issues since I’m more concerned about how gnc people in general intersect specifically with transgender and feminist issues. People from the USA will talk endlessly about neo pronouns while English has the perfectly serviceable “they”. Meanwhile Spanish can’t agree yet on how to navigate this since the structure of the language is completely built on a binary, and the structural changes needed to deal with that will take longer and harder work and will likely never be perfect.

It’s a bit tiresome to see most folks online have such white attitudes when it comes to non-biraniness. The other day I read Gender Queer and it was a well-made memoir and it made me very emotional, but the whole time all I kept thinking was “oh you’re so white, dear author”. This person was talking about how hard it was to live within a very supportive queer community!!! within a loving and understanding family!!!! a school that had an LGBT support group!!!!! and most people don’t even have that!!!!! I don’t want to criticize a person’s lived experience, and the author touched on very personal topics that are not found in the mainstream out here, so it's an important work. but my point is – is this what non-binary looks like for most people online when they recommend it endlessly as the ultimate gender book? A white person in rural Canada with a supportive network of both queer and nonqueer people???? It's a memoir, it's such a specific experience from one individual. It's frustrating. Because the reason why there are so few books about gender queer people is that for most institutions, gnc people are delegated to niches or not considered marketable and so!!!! we don't show up!!!! There is still such a long way to go, and THAT to me should be the issue we're concentrating our efforts on. Not "this is the ultimate gender queer experience omg and if you don't feel like this can u even call urself binary" because it's not what the author was trying to do, either.

Non-binary to me is simply about living outside the binary, but it has sort of become just another box for many people. UNLESS you fit a very specific criteria, you won’t be non-binary. Similarly, if you check too many non-binary boxes you can’t be a woman or a man, you must be nonbinary. People decide which category you belong to and I hate it because they're just expanding the game instead of breaking it. In my mind, the non-binary perspective brings a lot to the LGBT community because it can help challenge these boxes, these definitions, these accepted understandings. Pushing boundaries so we can aim at a world where people can live more freely as themselves. A safer world, because it would be more accepting. But it’s become more of another box where you HAVE to fit or else. And online it’s become a micromanaging of labels that I find reductive and counterproductive to what we should be trying to do.

I don’t think I’m particularly oppressed, personally, for wearing t shirts and short hair and masculine shorts. I’m constantly called “sir” in the street because of how masculine I look. but I have a feminine name I don’t want to change, and I am a woman. I don’t dress like I do to be butch. I’m def not a lesbian. I dress like I dress because it’s how I like to look the most. And I have people constantly telling me to change my pronouns and pressuring me to “accept” I am non binary. And my response is always that I think I fit the definition, but I don’t need those words because they belong to a language I learned as an adult and it’s basically a meaningless word to me. I exist as I exist. It is my personal experience and I don’t need anybody to have the same needs as me, but by the same right, I don’t want people deciding for me what words should I be using or that I am "an egg" as if I was incapable of discerning for myself what I need.

However, I do face oppression from the fact I am a woman (or AFAB, if you prefer), because birth control is heavily regulated, abortion isn't legal, and if I were married I wouldn't be able to get a personal insurance since my husband would have to ensure me through his. That sort of thing is why how my personhood intersects with feminism matters more to me. If I wanted to have top surgery or take HRT I couldn’t access it because it’s still not available in my country. If I wanted to change my gender in official documents, it’s still basically impossible. Those are transgender issues. And in general these are more pressing fights in my mind. The social consequences of living as a non-binary person might be ugly or frustrating depending on where you live, but they usually stem from transphobia or misogyny or homophobia. Neo pronouns in Spanish are heavily mocked, for example. And gender-neutral language is heavily challenged, even though the aim is to check how we behave towards people of all genders.

I guess I’m always so aware of the fact we have so many legal battles to go for wide accessibility of life-saving measures that it’s just bothersome to find that most people’s complaints online are stuff like “I live in such a cushy situation that it makes me angry people wont’ use it/its pronouns for me, even though those pronouns have a history of being used as a racist way to address black and indigenous slaves to dehumanize them, and I feel my personhood violated.” It makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Pronouns and social acceptance are important, but I think the legal fights are way more important, intersectionality with race, nationality, language, and social class matter a lot more. and if we lose our north, we end up with nonsense discourse.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from nonbinary people how the system of exorsexism/enbyphobia uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all binary trans people to not speak on this topic and let nonbinary people do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as nonbinary are encouraged to participate. This is not agab-locked. If you are agender, trans neutral/neutrois, genderfluid, bigender, trigender, multigender, xenogender, genderqueer, third gender, two spirit, or any other gender not wholey contained within the strict binary of "man" or "woman", this post is for you. Even if you have already posted on the trans fem or trans masc versions, if you are nonbinary, you are welcome here.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

Click this to access the trans masc and trans men version of this post.

Click this to access the intersex version of this post.

[fleshrenderturbine]

idk why hes poking at u for being childish and edgy lol. bro has no place to be like "hurrr ur edgy" when he's a stereotypical gore-loving sanrio and gloomy bear edgelord

Big unintentional tangent coming up, i've got nothing to do this hour so I ended up spilling feelings/reminescent thoughts from the day But yeeeeeeeah I mean there's nothing wrong w/liking said things, I AM edgy and proudly cringe to be fair but i tend to flip flop between dark aesthetics and then weird angelic surreal aesthetics because. It's cool. It's what I identify with personally for a variety of reasons. As for the roblox + childish quip, I never got to enjoy dumb games/stuff like roblox as a kid and I think there's smth nice with indulging in little happy stuff as an adult, like yea i have my dumb happy indulgent side but I also am heavily focused on self-improvement outside of this, obviously like everyone else im also flawed but I really like tackling it and im finally doing better in life now after my own escape with abusive family, but it was hell to get out of and I also got lucky. I might complain about my past (it was bad and ofc i have residual problems, its still fresh) but i do acknowledge that besides the problems said past has loaded me with mentally, im doing much better for myself now and almost completely individualized, I drive, work, and am pretty independant despite how childish i may appear, sure. But on this topic again iirc Spencer age regresses and stuff + plays roblox too. A LOT of adults play fortnite, minecraft, roblox ect nowadays they're just stupid fun games, idc. As long as ur not being weird on the platform cus good grief roblox is bad with that.

People will hound and pick apart anything for insults-sake just because they dont like you despite anything ironic about it, and it really shows here. I can dig into him if i wanted to and embarass the fuck out of him w/what I know, but it's old and I dont think reflects his current persona despite him playing down how big it actually was to look better. You can tear just about anyone down if you know how to depending on what material you have to go off of, all I did was change my desc to a link to a song I liked, threw on a pfp, and bam they rip into it.. which despite how tame / relaxed my main is, it just goes to show that I was right to remain anon. Regardless I won't go out of my way to insult like that, just bluff about it (obviously). There's truly nothing constructive in insulting that kind of thing and anyone who has eyes can see the hypocrisy even if they like the guy but won't say it. That itself is embarassing to anyone watching. This is off topic, but while I'm here im still cringing at the "if you wanna talk to him you'll have to go through me ):<" big baddie viktor persona or friend or alter in his account whoever that was attempting to intimidate me. Wow. Now IRONICALLY the problem to me is that if I spoke directly, i'd be chill + almost too chill despite how harsh i've been here. I have a side of myself that is very, very dedicated to helping the right people if they listen and genuinely wish to help themselves. I helped myself escape my situation ofc, helped my partner, I helped 3 people deemed irredeemable elsewhere, (arguably who didnt need help, and I understand why theyd be hated for xyz plus i'd emphazise to them that if they want to change, they have to see what others hate about them and agree its rational. I dont believe in people becoming the worst versions of themsleves and hurting others in the future if it can be stopped) I generally know how to help people look for resources but sometimes it is really hard depending on your personal case. That said as well i can also be rage bent and chase anyone who I think escaping, identifying with the same behavior after knowing better, and choosing to be miserable. I LOATHE people like that and it absoloutely shows. I'll reiterate on this but I used to be similar to him until my 4th and most effective therapist called me out on it. I was pissed initially but then overtime i learned that damn ok, she's actually right. I blame a lot of my own personal growth on her help. Sometimes being 100% gentle isn't going to work but neither is beating someone to death ofc. I also think there's a difference between sugarcoating vs. dead-honest critisism, I like the latter. This is going to sound harsh but generally; I dont want you to prove to me how inhibited you are or how bad you have it to make a point to me and garner sympathy from those around you. There's been enough of that. It's def good to vent but theres a difference here im trying to make clear - after a select few instances, its very obvious for me and others that Spencer has learned how to profit and gain a following from acting pathetic, lying, and playing up what he seems to go through to garner an overprotective circle in a way. Its good to have a support group, always, but this feels different. IM NOT SAYING HE WILL REMAIN THIS WAY. I HOPE HE DOESNT. Im simply calling it out and im sure despite the song and dance on main he knows what i mean.

I want to see motivation to grow instead of choosing to wallow in misery, it might suck for awhile to brave through what you're enduring but you'll thank yourself later for sure. My talk with ybt also showed to me that I dont think these people know what they're doing w/resources, honestly. But again what I want to see self respect and TRUE admittance to ones mistake. People do not know how actively damaging it is to choose to play up their misery to a level thats unrealistic and isnt actually reflecting what they're going through for pity/donations/etc. (disclaimer, I will say a lot of the time you dont even know you're doing it but i have reason to believe he should know) i've been that way myself before, so I do know what it's like. I just got very lucky with my resources last year and someone irl who helped me out. I have a bad habit of also suddenly becoming way too soft when communicating with people like this. Probably bcs due to [insert disorder here] and i'd take on the "oh everything is ok now!" type of tone and regretting it later like i have before bcs I will fail to really hammer in what I need to, thus rendering the conversation ineffective and possibly being taken advantage of. I'd go on but itsssss.. intricate and tedious to get into. I can ramble forever if im given the stage. Whoops.

[tori-fta]

A Rant on "I Decline to Self-Identify" | Midday on August 15, 2024

Like many "young professionals" (although I hate that term and the corporate lifestyle it promotes), I have been applying for job after job after job to try and find something sustainable and that doesn't make me want to attempt to "ropemax" again (a new term I learned for ending oneself this week, Gen Alpha is unhinged for this one). As someone gender non-conforming and still in the early stages of my social transition, I still frequently b*ymode in public and especially when applying for jobs, listing my pronouns as they/them or selecting non-binary if the company provides that option.

Minor tangent: I assume that many trans people can relate to this exact feeling and fear at the start of their transition. To explain the specific feeling I deal with, gender dysphoria coupled with body image issues make it difficult to see myself as feminine even when I put in hours of effort to feel so. When out in public, I still get clocked as m*sculine, and if I am doing myself up as femme as I possibly can, I get referred to as a gay m*n.

Returning to the topic at hand, more often than not, I find myself forced to choose either "other" or "I Decline to Self-Identify" when asked about my gender. Of course the issue with "other" should be quite obvious as it quite literally others those who fall outside of the binary our society has deemed to be the bounds of gender. Do I want to just select "woman" for this question, ignoring that they placed "other" just below it? Of course! I've dreamed of waking up to the world seeing me as a woman since I was a young child. But, unfortunately, I know that much of the world won't see me as a woman, and even when I have socially transitioned, and if I miraculously pass, there will still be people pushing me into "other".

But the meat and bones of this rant comes from seeing and selecting "I Decline to Self-Identify" time after time, day after day, month after month. When I see this as the third of three options under gender on a job application, my heart drops. I wish that they had just put "other" and treated me like an outcast. Forcing every gender non-conforming person applying to your job to select "I Decline to Self-Identify" is forcing them to reject their understanding of their own identity because it does not fall into the binary which you believe to be fact. You are creating a workplace culture of rejection before the application is even submitted. Then, the gender non-conforming applicant is faced with the struggle of having their gender essentially assigned by the hiring manager and eventually the team they're assigned to work with despite making their identity know.

I left my previous job because of this sort of culture, along with issues I had with management and how our team was treated. Even though I was only non-binary to the people I worked with (aside from one coworker who quickly became a close friend outside of the office and still is, but they respect and adhere to what I am comfortable with in public), the dress code and professional we were to maintain per our contract forced me to dress more m*sculine. I live and work in a more progressive area of the country, so I knew that I could push the bounds of the dress code so long as I did not break it. The one day I decided to feel myself at work and wear minimal, professional makeup, I suddenly became the center of attention, coworkers and managers assaulting me with an unending stream of questions and passing remarks to veil their distaste with this "egregious change" 🙄.

While no one could outright tell me to wash it off or that I wasn't allowed to wear it (management is constantly terrified of any HR issues despite our HR department's only job being protecting management), they used a subtle sense of shaming and othering to correct what they deemed an outline behavior. This was quite literally one of the 3 times in total our regional manager spoke to me. She never came into our office space aside to make an appearance wishing someone "happy birthday". I knew that someone had mentioned this situation to her and it caused her to come talk down to me while trying to maintain some sort of friendly facade. After that day, I didn't wear makeup to work again, terrified of becoming the center of attention and drawing the ire of upper management.

While that's only one example, there are numerous others ways the office environment denied my identity, most notably the one coworker who would go out of her way to interject and correct me when I was asking someone not to use m*sculine terminology to refer to me or explaining why I am so uncomfortable with being generalized as a m*n. Almost daily. From telling me I want to be tall because "girls like tall g*ys" (sure, I am attracted to women, but also men and everyone else, but I'll rant about that sort of subtle homophobia at another point probably) when I was saying I wished I was 3-4 inches short (gender dysphoria FTW!) to her bringing in a box of samples she got from some skincare brand and apologizing to me since they didn't send her any m*n's samples. Those moments cut deeply, and I spent many of my government allotted breaks sitting in the corner of our breakroom crying.

I left that job and culture because I no longer had the energy to repeat the same things every day, to defend my identity every day, to constantly correct the same people misgendering me every. single. day. And I don't want to return to that, which is really the core of what made me organize my thoughts into this rant instead of scouring the internet for yet another job to apply to as Gender: "I Decline to Self-Identify". If the work and company culture is going to reject ones own identity before they even have the change to interview and inquire about the culture, it's a company that won't value any of their employees, even those that fall into the binary view of gender.

As always, be queer, dismantle the establishment, and serve cvnt while doing so 💖

[evethebeekeeper]

hey how's it going fellow tumbrinas :))

I'm back after a while of not being here - lots has happened over the past 5 months that I've been gone

im gonna vent I guess, if you don't wanna see that scroll on past :)

so I left this app when I got into a relationship, and they mainly use Instagram so I switched there. hate it compared to here, but it's whatever it was important to them.

anyway, I'm back because we aren't in a relationship anymore and I'm a bit miserable about it. we split because I'd ended up with really low self esteem, with my whole meaning coming from them which wasnt healthy and they aren't very good at communicating so it was best for both of us to not be together. we left each other on the idea that we'd still be good friends because really there'd been nothing that had gone significantly wrong, just too much other stuff happening at the same time to be in a relationship.

over the last few weeks they've been pushing me away and it's been really difficult because I still care about them, and also when we parted we said that in the future we could see ourselves getting back together. it was stressful and uncomfortable to not be sure whether they still wanted that in the future or not, but a few days ago they came out as lesbian and said explicitly that they didn't think they were romantically attracted to me anymore, which at the time hurt a bit because I was so hopeful that we'd be back together but now I'm happy for them because they know who they want to date, and it's closer to the real them. day to day I'm still a guy, so it hurt a little because they know I don't identify as a man but honestly if they're not attracted to me then I can't and don't want to force it, I think that's the easiest reason for me to come to terms with. if they're not interested, then it's not right for me to be upset about that, that kind of thing

idk how I really feel about it right now. I'm seeing them on Sunday as we didn't break up in person, so we both need closure but I don't know what to expect, I think we still want each other as friends but I guess we'll see.

not sure what I expect to get from posting this. if anyone wants to make any comment of any kind they're all welcome, id like to hear what others think

probably going to be back here to stay, we'll see :)