#because at the end of the day they're still identifying with the self they hate. the self that lacks. the self that isn't true to them.

[heliosoll]

Neville and other loa teachers often say "identify with the Inner Man" and that's not without reason. Everything else is secondary; a tool. Affirming, visualizing, sats, the void. Literally everything. They're all tools to help you identify with the self you want to be. That self is in there, but the more you deny it, the harder your journey will be.

Learn to identify with the Inner Man. Allow yourself to live in imagination and the 3D will follow.

[really-good-devil]

x men and marvel characters (wolverine, daredevil, gambit, nightcrawler, etc) with transmasc boyfriend.... please i beg of you

anon i see you i see you i'm thanking you for this. i just ran with this i hope its to your liking

MARVEL IMAGINES WITH TRANSMASC BOYFRIEND

content: religion mention (majority positively), medical/social transition implied, dysphoria, transphobia

Wolverine:

For someone almost 200 years old, he has a bit to learn upon meeting you

Obviously Morph is a help with this + definitely had to give him a PowerPoint presentation

His view of masculinity somewhat is skewed but he is very insistent on treating you like a man because you identify as a man and if that means anything to you then it means something to him

Flannels! He absolutely gives you his baggy coats when you make a comment on needing more masculine clothes (not to mention the smell that his clothes leave on you is a big plus, so sue him, okay?)

Workout regiment is always taken care of and you never skip chest and arm day

He calls you "darlin'" once and then immediately goes "aw shit" because it might be too "lady-like" (his words) but he gets over it very quickly

Mutant hate? He understands all too well. Transphobia? Whole new ballgame, but it makes him just as mad. As in, he has no problem almost kabobbing someone who makes a comment about you going into a bathroom when he takes you out to one of his preferred bars

He soon realizes after that that maybe you need better hangouts and though he doesn't think the beer is as good at the other places, it's worth it to him

To him, assholes like that are no less ignorant than those who attack mutants because its all the same so he gets feisty on the defense

Once when the body dysphoria is real bad, like the kind when mirrors are the worst thing in the world and everything feels gross and tight, he listens and holds you very tightly and though he can't understand half of it, he does understand self-hatred and it hurts him something fierce

So he'll go out of his way at that point to make it known that you are one of strongest guys he knows because you're going through change and sticking to yourself and he loves it about you

He offhandedly once mentions using his claws for top surgery in an attempt to be funny and neither of you know how to react in that moment but it actually is kind of funny much later

Nightcrawler:

Much more up to speed than some others

He's not unused to the ideas of the intricacies and ideas of gender from his time in the circus and seeing the different lifestyles at play there

There's some trepidation on some people's parts about how Kurt will react considering his religion and the history, but it very hardly factors in

Very flirtatious after he gets the okay to move forward even if it's new to him

Does everything he would try to do with his previous lovers; he loves flowers that remind him of you

Constantly trying to involve you in things that he enjoys that he would hope you enjoy

Movie nights are a favorite of his and even if they end up being more modern, he's always willing to give it a chance

Kurt of all people knows what it is like to be judged and ridiculed for how you look or how people perceive someone

Body positivity is a huge part for him; complimenting your frame, your body hair, your hands

After all, his own body is not what many would consider normal, but it is still his and he accepts it, so he'll literally be damned if he can't help with that

His whole thing is finding someone new that's nice to say every day (which isn't very hard for him, tbh)

When he hears you accept any of it he gets so excited that his tail wags and he peppers you with kisses that sometimes have little nips from his fangs but they're all gentle

Loves to take you up to the top of the X-Mansion to have semi-romantic getaways and look out at the night sky and think of things far beyond where you both are right now, though he know he is happiest right at your side

Gambit:

Meets you when you first arrive to the mansion and is instantly drawn to you

Ever the gentleman while he's trying to get to know you, almost like chivalry is his default no matter the gender

After you first confess your feelings his favorite card becomes his King of Hearts

You tell him it's cheesy but he is happy that you approve

He leaves it with you the first time he goes on a mission and though he didn't doubt that you would lose it, he is so happy when he sees you kept it you can literally feel his kinetic energy reserves when he kisses you deep

His favorite is on those rare occasions where you get to dress up, whether it's for a party or infiltrating something

He loves trying to find coordinating or inverse outfits accessories if that's the case (nothing huge, but small ways to show that you two are together)

Pet names constantly

He works with his hands often so he uses them constantly to explore your body and he has magic fingers in many ways

You're so perfect to him in every way imaginable

Matt Murdock:

You meet Matt in Josie's a while after moving to the area in a new area to "start fresh"

It's not that he hustles you but you don't expect to lose at pool to him

He's very charming and easy to learn from and it takes a while but eventually you do get together

Walks around the neighborhood as an excuse to get to know things end up being tiny dates

Foggy and Karen exchanging tiny looks over Matt's boyfriend but very happy for him

You're unaware of his double life but do end up having to fuss over his scrapes

Eventually you have to explain to him and it's awkward but he just seems to take you in without seeing you and he smiles a bit and its okay from then on

You think he's just super understanding and forgiving but no he's actually known for a while

He's been very perceptive of changes in you as you transition further; he knows when you just had a T shot from how you body is working just a bit harder because of it, when your voice gets a bit deeper between the times he sees you

He also had to do a background check because you can't be too careful at this point

But though it's insanely new to him since he hasn't been with a man, he does love you with no shame

He knows what you look like vaguely but always asks anyway because he wants you to explain what you see of yourself

Always very seriously and not seriously ready to remind you that he is part of fine law firm should you need to win a case against someone at the slightest complaint

You always feel safe and seen, in a way, with him, and it never really changes

‐----------------------

I hope you enjoyed this! If you did, feel free to request more like this or a fic! Requests are open and I have masterpost here and a list of characters and ships I'd write for here. Thanks for reading!

(Also lmk if any of these are interesting enough you'd want to see more of, bc the Matt and Kurt ones I would definitely be open to making a fic so stay tuned if it happens.)

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[toomanythoughts2]

Dethklok AU where the band takes on attributes from their animal forms after "Dethcarraldo".

Murderface gains a vomeronasal organ and is able to process information through smells. He hates the fact that he can smell a lot better now because he knows more about his bandmates than he necessarily wants to. However, he relishes in the fact that he does have all of this information, because he can use it to be a dick to them better.

Murderface gains the ability to purr. He doesn't know this until Pickles gives him a shoulder rub after practice and he goes off like a flight engine. He's very self conscious about it. They don't hear it again until during the events of AOTD when they give Murderface a hug. He's so loud and his body vibrates so harshly that it shakes the group.

Pickles' dreads become extensions of his hands and are able to hold and pick things up, usually around 10 pounds. He uses it mainly to hold his beers and other instruments when he needs to use his hands. He also uses them for a cool trick on stage to hold his extra drum sticks.

Pickles gains the ability to stay under the water for as long as he wants. He doesn't gain the ability to withstand the pressure though and his body still reacts to being in water for a long period of time. He mainly uses this when he doesn't want to listen to his bandmates in the hot tub and will sink under the water and stay there until they're done.

Toki's hearing increases and he is able to pick up frequencies that no other human can. (Hear over 2 miles away with a range of 96Hz [The tone a CRT television emits while running] to 49,000Hz [high notes that humans physically can't hear].) Problem is that he can't identify each note and a lot of it does hurt his hearing. The ear muffs in AOTD are specially designed to block out a lot of those sound ranges for him specifically.

Toki gains interest in a lot of green foods and eats a lot of leafy type of vegetables in his diet. This does not stop him from loving his candy and he has tried to mix the two together. It has not worked and it is very gross. He keeps trying though.

Nathan is able to stay under the water for longer than a normal human could, around 20 minutes, but he can stay under there for 2 hours if he's resting. Him and Pickles will have body language conversations under the water.

Nathan's biting power increases rapidly, and he can eat through the bone in some of his meals. This ends with him biting his tongue one day and accidently giving himself an importune tongue piercing.

Skwisgaar's eyesight increases and is able to spot minuscule things from far away. (Able to see a mouse a mile away with only the light source from a match.) He uses this to further scrutinize, and adjust, his own guitar playing and the others. Granted, with the new eyesight, he can tell exactly where certain verses are going wrong and fix them immediately. He's also able to see a lot more fans from the stage, specifically ones he wants to invite back to his room. [He's sees you up there in the stand, Grandma!]

Skwisgaar gets claws but he gets them on his feet and hands, which are very annoying and not helpful to his profession. He has to get them professional taken cared of because of how tough the nail is and how fast they grow. The claws can slice through his strings and he can't have that. Toki jokes him for his claws because he says they look like kitty cat claws. Skwisgaar snaps all of his strings in retaliation.

Toki uses his hearing ability to help Knubbler with his engineering. He doesn't always have the words to describe what he's hearing, but its a step up from Knubbler only using his human ears.

Nathan's connection with the whale is stronger when he is in the water, especially if he falls asleep. The message is not as scary under the water but it still intimidates him.

Skwisgaar has wondered if he is able to rotate his head all the way around and has attempted to do so, only for him to hurt his neck. He does not have the ability to turn his head around. However, he does get a tingly sense around the back of his head when something is happening, like spidey senses.

Murderface has been caught more than once making biscuits when he's tired. He can't help it, the feeling is just too good.

Murderface is jealous of Skwisgaar's claws, so he grows his out to appear that he has claws. No one believes him. However, his nails do take on a pointier shape, just not like Skwisgaar's claws.

Pickles has been gifted by fans hundreds and hundreds of "Emotional Flip Octopus" plushies.

[velvetvexations]

I did not mean to sleep all day. Here all the non-kink asks in my inbox lol.

Does a little dance. People being weird about transmascs on here has messed up my self perception so bad im not actually sure of my own gender anymore, yayyyyy

Fuck that anon, if you're man that rules. Being a man is awesome. You don't need anyone else's opinion to affect who you are, there is no bad gender.

just saw someone acknowledge trans men are often lumped into female spaces due to bioessentialism but then turn around and say that thats proof that trans men arent oppressed. lol.

People act like being let into the Woman Club is the one and only goal of being trans and it's so fucking annoying.

Ngl I still don't understand why femboys are a "transmisogynistic caricature that can't be reclaimed by transmascs" according to some people. Do you have any insights on this because I genuinely can't understand, femboy sounds like gnc boy culture and in my own experience, maybe transfems before they come out occasionally identify as femboys. Idk is it like, someone with an outwardly feminine appearance being a guy? Because that's why I like calling myself a femboy.

Some people think femboy started as a transfem thing because they're idiots who don't know shit.

hey if catboy is ubiquitous and having nothing to do with crossdressing why did Jerma crossdress when someone drew him as a catboy???

Because catboys are allowed to do that lol. Taking one example of a crossdressing catboy to mean catboys infringe on transfem copyright is wild.

Hi thanks for letting me vent to you cause I am at work and can't properly process my emtions otherwise rn. I've been otherwise generally in a slightly emotionally fragile place and then I just got an awful review for my first actual order from a stranger on Etsy. And like I know logically that it's not the end of the world and I gave them exactly what they ordered and it's not my fault that they measured wrong or didn't take my advice and size up a little for fit etc etc but no one else will know that and I just got started selling craft stuff and it's just a hobby and it sucks that this person clearly expected something that wasn't what they paid for (my prices are low cause it's a hobby sorry I don't have super professional materials that would make my stuff cost double) but it's really fucking me up and I am trying not to like cry at work because of this and it's so stupid. This was just my first purchase online that wasn't from a friend and I was so excited and they hated it and didn't even send a message or anything about the length (that was exactly what they asked for by the way) not fitting before leaving a review. It just fucking sucks and I wish my brain didn't react to the most minor disappointments/shows of dislike with the I'm going to kill everyone in this room and then myself meme as first response Thanks for listening. It really helps to be able to vent this somewhere <3

I'm really sorry anon, that sounds so frustrating and hard to deal with. I love you so much. <3 I know you do great work and I hope it goes better next time.

Having NPD sucks, lmao, sorry for the rant ahead. I have to remind myself that the 'mark' on shinigami eyes doesn't actually mean anything, but it's hard sometimes because it's still a stain on my reputation. :( some people will see that and take it at face value, forever associating me with the filth that is transphobia, and I can't do anything about it. I appreciate the people who actually know what a transphobe is going out of their way to remove that mark, but it's a losing battle against a bunch of buffoons who think catgirls are transmisogynistic. sometimes it's really hard to pretend that it doesn't bother me at all, because it's highly insulting for me to be associated with the things I literally fight against. What an insult to my legacy and efforts to even bother to care about other people, you know? I don't HAVE to take time out of my day to do activism, I could just not bother to care at all, but I still try. I deserve praise, not this bullshit😭

I'll praise you! Thank you for fighting against transphobia. <3

All this catboy talk. Wanted to say hi as a catboy. Meow :3

Nya~!

My prediction for TRF discourse in 2025: closeted, non passing trans men shouldn't wear skirts or other traditional women's clothing (even if they don't want to and literally have no other choice) because they're MEN and men wearing women's clothes is obviously always transmisogynistic

All trans men are transmisogynistic because they grew up mocking transfems by wearing women's clothes.

some of this discourse is just so fucking wild i cant believe this is something people are taking so seriously. sipping my tea from the sidelines as a chubby catboy therian lmao

You have a cooler head than I.

iirc the "catgirls are transfem" thing started happening around the time Ferris got popular as a character because, if I'm correct, Ferris actually is transfem (coded?) and following that some people just decided The Aesthetique belonged exclusively to transfems now (also you're so so so so based for loving Schrödinger I remember first seeing him in like 2007 and wishing I looked exactly like him)

Schrodinger is my secret fifth blorbo. I'm obsessed with him. I think about him constantly. High five.

als catboys are only white passing in the way that people love to say anime characters are white lmao (aka cant conceive of the fact that anime characters are actually light skinned Japanese). not to say anime doesn't have a colorism problem but They Are Not White and its racist to say otherwise

lol yes exactly

I might be really stepping in it here, but tangential to catboy/catgirl discourse, I'm starting to get really uncomfortable with how the cutesy moe-blob yuri is treated as "trans lesbian culture" these days? as though none of it was ever straight guy fantasy shit? as though it's ideal representation instead of another vector of impossible beauty standards? idk, maybe I'm just being way too touchy. 😬

It's fine if something becomes emblematic of transfem culture but you just can't pretend something was always transfem when it blatantly wasn't lol

you got marked red on shinigami eyes and i havev no idea why

My smoke too tough, my swag too different, my bitch too bad.

juggalo here. we don't want them.

Devastating.

For what it's worth, the "cats transforming into people" thing is probably based on the bakeneko, yeah. The "bake" in "bakeneko" means "transforming", often with the implication of transforming into people (like the better known bakedanuki and bakegitsune). The popularization of cat-people in anime probably came from Neko-Musume from Gegege no Kitaro (the anime behind the "youkai boom" in modern Japanese culture), who is a half-bakeneko.

Fascinating.

(Dif anon) "leading one to wonder what transphobia they think trans men do face" 99.999% sure at this point we're at "trans men experience misgendering... maybe...?"

Well that doesn't count since everyone wants to be a girl, an idea that I believe has universal appeal because I'm a self-centered moron.

You're awesome <3

Thank you anon. <3

I didn't realize I was trans from yaoi but I did largely realize it from memes about traps and accidentally stumbling across largely transfem subreddits via a anime memes despite being transmasc so. Great amount of respect for our yaoi soldiers.

Hell yeah!

[kitkatt0430]

1, 11, 14, 20, and 25 (coldflash please!!!) ❤️

1.) Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with ‘because I love you!’ ?

Barry. Absolutely Barry.

Len struggles enough with the words 'i love you' that he does not bring them out in an argument. But Barry would absolutely play this card in the heat of the moment only to regret it later. Not because it isn't true because he does love Len but he does get how manipulative it comes off and he doesn't want to be that.

Honestly, I think Len would absolutely call him out on it and have to get away from Barry for a bit until they've both cooled off. (Pun mostly intended.)

Barry has to learn how to reason out his arguments better than that and defending his actions with a 'because I love you' stops being a thing fairly quickly.

11.) Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell?

They are both terrible about doing this. They are both very much of the bottle things up and pretend they aren't there school of emotional regulation.

Len of course struggles because of the shitty, abusive asshole in his life that was Lewis. Len does get better over time with opening up to Barry, but it is a struggle and he wishes it wasn't but he's so damn glad Barry is patient about it. It does take time for Barry to recognize the signs that Len's bottling something up but he does get fairly good at it. Though Len remains the better of the two at hiding the signs that something has upset him.

Barry has issues of his own because of how things were with Joe not believing him/not believing in him as a kid (and as an adult). Like... I really hate the scene where Joe jokes about Barry being like another daughter to him because here Barry is trying to be honest about his feelings with Joe and Joe... takes the opportunity to be misogynistic about it. Not cool, Joe. Not cool.

So Barry struggles to let himself be vulnerable with others because it backfires on him a lot and he bottles a lot up as a result. He's a lot less successful than Len is about hiding this kind of thing from the get go because he gets sulky about stuff when he's upset, so Len figures out a lot faster when Barry's upset even though Barry thinks that he's definitely not wearing his bruised heart on his sleeve this time, surely.

14.) How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

They compliment each other's planning skills. They both have expertise in different areas and are good at identifying one another's blind spots. Len is good at boosting Barry's self confidence where others might make him doubt himself. And Barry reminds Len that building a plan that includes room for compassion isn't a weakness. It's one of Len's strengths. But Barry also reminds Len to have confidence when he worries being a thief is all he's good for and Len reminds Barry that compassion is his strength too.

They clash a lot over planning too though. They're both leaders, they're both used to being in charge. And it can get messy if they both want to micromanage things at the same time.

20.) Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

You have no idea how tempting it is to go dig up that Glee rendition of Smooth Criminal. I may not have watched that show, but I have seen that clip a number of times.

Life on Earth by Snow Patrol feels like it really suits them

This is not the love you've had before This is something else, this is something else This is not the same as other days This is something else, this is something else It shouldn't need to be so fucking hard This is life on earth, it's just life on earth It doesn't need to be the end of you, or me This is life on earth, it's just life on earth

25.) What are their vices?

I feel like Cisco would quite loudly declare their greatest vice is lust. Scowling at them as he did. They know what they did. They know.

But I think maybe it's really that they can be a bit jealous and covetous of one another. Barry wants to be Len's first choice after being 'not a choice' to iris for so long. He wants Len's attention, he wants Len seeing him and not just the trappings of the Flash that he comes with. And Len struggles to understand why Barry would pick him after being in love with Iris for so long and fears that he'll never truly be to Barry what Barry had wished for Iris to be.

As they get more confident in their relationship, this settles a lot but insecurities are not easily defeated permanently and will pop up from time to time but with longer and longer intervals between.

[transmasc-positivity]

I love being trans! I'm multigender, but I usually just say "queer" or "genderqueer trans guy" for ease. I'm solidly masculine no matter what gender I'm expressing at any given time. When I'm a woman, I'm a masculine woman and I love it. The beard I grew on HRT doesn't take away from my womanhood, but rather enhances it for me. It's like a big fuck you to everyone who says I can't decide what to do with my own body. When people misgender me -- using she/her or calling me ma'am -- the presence of my beard makes me feel like they're queering me up even more, and that is delightful. When I'm a man, I'm masculine, but not in the way that a lot of people see male masculinity. I paint my nails black and wear eyeliner and wear small black stud earrings and I feel incredibly masculine. Just like the beard enhances my womanhood, the make up enhances my manhood & feels masculine in a "fuck your gender norms" kind of way. I almost never wore make up when I thought I was a cis girl -- I even had a little breakdown when I was a teenager about "having to" wear it if I wanted to get a job -- but as a man, it fits perfectly, and it isn't a chore to put on. And even when I'm neither a man nor a woman, I am still masculine. I love a soft masculinity and I always have strived for it in one way or another.

I know a lot of people feel like transitioning is something they have to do and have always known that they want to do it. I know some people don't feel like their gender is a choice at all. For me, transitioning socially and hormonally was something I learned about in my 20s and something that was, ultimately, a choice at every turn for me. It's a choice I made knowing all the risks that come with it. It's a choice I made because, in my mind, I can be whatever I want to be, and people will see me however they see me. So hormones made them see me closer to how I see myself. It's a choice I made when I was still identifying as simply a nonbinary trans guy, but after I started T, I felt weirdly more comfortable and connected with my womanhood, which eventually led to me realizing that multigender is a valid label for me. I love being a wrench in people's gender essentialism. I find it funny when people are confused about how to judge my gender and, by extension, how to judge my character (because, unfortunately, those two things often go hand in hand).

Kind men, soft men, sensitive men, men who use their anger as motivation to make a better & safer world and not to tear others down, men who love flowers, men who love to learn, men who love feminism, men who love openly and unabashedly. Those are the kinds of men I have as friends. That's the kind of man I try to be. It's the kind of men I needed more of in my life growing up, so I'll be the man no one would be for my child self.

At the end of the day, being a trans guy is a great joy in my life. Whether my gender shifts or not, the time I've spent understanding and prioritizing myself has been vital to the improvement of my life. Even with all the bigotry and the fake friends who hated men so much that they dropped me and the systemic issues I face -- even that can't extinguish the joy I feel as a transmasc. There is so much power in being able to look at people making snap judgements about who you are based on your appearance and/or identity and *know* that they don't know you as well as you know you and that they don't have any power to change you. In that sense, being trans is freedom.

This is so wonderful and amazing, I'm truly so so happy for you! I'm glad you could find joy in expressing yourself like that and find out what your gender really means to you.

I also have wonderful men in my life, and it's truly beautiful.

Being trans is freedom!!!!!!

[thecircularsystem]

Take 2: Take on Sysmed

I wrote up an entire post (well, half of a post, but it was already over 1k words) on this topic, but that isn't going to be seeing the light of day. Off to the private blog it goes.

Take two. Sorry if my words are a bit disorganized; this is a really... really personal topic for me, and to see it brought up as it is has been hard. I need to get some sort of words out there or I think I'll go insane.

Genuine TL;DR: I used to go by the label pro-endo sysmed. It was stupid, but there were a lot of reasons -- the biggest because I needed to claim some sort of control over the fact that everyone hated me, and at least if I was a bigot, it gave them a reason to hate me. I discuss my experience with kink at pride discourse and how gentle teaching changed my perspectives, but "treating the bigot like the bigot they were" was just triggering and didn't help at all. Lastly, I talk about shame and how the term "sysmed" is largely (if it's ever really used for "activism" at all) attempting to teach through shame, which isn't effective. There's also a bonus screenshot at the end of the spark of this discussion from discord.

Not very long ago, though it feels like eons now, I identified "proudly" as a pro-endo sysmed. I recall saying some bullshit about how it was "reclaiming an insult that was used against me," but I was in denial. Hardcore, heavily traumatized denial.

I was just trying to claim the ostracization as something that was my choice, instead of everyone else's.

It was prideful, foolish, and hurtful, and I still stay up at night thinking about how fucking stupid I was. I've had to do a lot of therapy to look at my younger self and not hate him for who I am now, but moreso, who I was then.

Because with everything in my life, it was what I needed. It was all I had.

...

When I first returned to the pro-endo community, I was met completely with scorn, hatred, and distrust. It's hard to sort out the memories now -- more and more signs that it was heavily traumatic for me -- but I remember a little. "The Respectability Politics Syscourser" who sucked anti-endo dick and licked their boots, apparently. I'm sorry that the first person who validated my struggles -- who treated me like a disordered system in need of medical help -- was an anti-endo. I didn't agree with his beliefs. Not at all! I fucking hated him, honestly, I felt disgusted at having to "play along with the enemy."

I even joined a server, which I later called home and formed an (unhealthy) attachment to, just to "speedrun getting banned" from an anti-endo server. I did this more than once.

I was pro-endo, through and through. And yet...

I was frequently met with the term sysmed, online, despite my pro-endo beliefs. I was harassed for being friends with anti-endos, because "they're the bad guys." I was told that I needed to "look to myself for why I was being harassed" when I explained to a user, with screenshots, exactly who was harassing me and what had been said (slurs and suicide bait, 17 times in a row iirc, across a single day). I was told repeatedly that it was what would happen, since I allowed anti-endos to interact with me, because once an anti-endo, always an anti-endo.

Once a bigot, always a bigot.

...

Each time it happened, I was brought back to my middle and high school years. Literally -- flashbacks are a bitch.

I was raised a Republican. I finally, finally changed my voter registration this year, after being forced into selecting R as a child. I was raised racist, homophobic, transphobic -- any form of bigotry, and I probably was raised with it. I went into detail in my first draft, but genuinely... I don't even know how worth it it is to try to explain to you all how absolutely alienating it is to be everything you were raised to despise, fear, and pray for salvation for.

And the online community didn't fucking make that easier. (In all honesty, neither did the offline communities I was in, but again, the trauma dumping needs to be held back with a goddamn knife at this point).

When I first started saying my opinions online, I received harassment for my bigotry. "STFU Terf." "Christians DNI get the fuck off my post." Nothing as horrific as what I've experienced in my time as a syscourser, but I witnessed far, far worse from far more outspoken individuals. I didn't say much about my bigotry online, as I had already learned, by that point, that every single word out of my mouth was clearly the wrong words, and that I was just a stupid, horrible person for ever believing anything.

And online spaces reinforced these disordered beliefs.

I think the example that stands out the most (and forgive the 18+ content here, but this goes on the main blog for once, I just need this out-) was when I got into Kink at Pride discourse. I was horrified by the idea of kink at pride, as someone who experienced absolutely horrific abuse from kink shit. I couldn't imagine someone in a leather mask at pride because of my trauma. I couldn't... Ah, knife point again, trauma dumping.

Anyways. I went on an entire rant online about it. About how people have triggers, etc etc.

I was met with slurs, harassment, and people spamming my DMs so much with explicit BDSM that I still, to this day, struggle to DM over tumblr with anyone other than my now spouse.

So I went to my friends, complaining about it. Because this just reinforced my beliefs. This reinforced for me that KAP was a bad idea, because all the people who believed it insulted me, harassed me, and triggered me. Clearly, they're the bad guys, right?

I am still so, so grateful for the friend I had at the time who (incredibly gently, incredibly carefully, understanding before I even did just how traumatized I was) explained how kink belonged at pride, and the historical precedent for it, and everything. And I think the most important thing out of that conversation was where they said it's okay that I was wrong.

IT'S OKAY THAT I WAS WRONG.

Just thinking about that moment makes me cry again. It was okay to be wrong. It was safe to be -- yes -- the bigot in the situation. Because I was! I can recognize that now! But at the time, all I could realize by the end of the conversation was that I had been wrong, and it was absolutely fucking shit-myself-levels of terrifying.

Being wrong isn't safe. Being wrong means I deserved it.

I deserved the harassment. I deserved the hatred. I deserved the pain, and misery, and I deserved the triggers that fed on my SA, and I deserved to be punished.

Because I was a bigot.

But they showed me I didn't deserve pain and insults and hatred just because I didn't know. Just because I couldn't know, until someone taught me the way I needed to be taught.

They took the time to figure out how to tell me the information -- which strangers online had not done -- and they gave me what I needed. They didn't insult me. They didn't fucking crucify me for what I had said.

They weren't polite or sugarcoating, either. They were gentle, but blunt. Firm and kind.

And, because of that, overnight I became less homophobic and less transphobic. I made public posts about it. I was thrilled, at the time, when even a single ounce of praise came down the anonymous inbox.

"I'm glad you're not a stupid bigot anymore."

...

I look at syscourse in the tags.

"I'm not here to make bigots comfortable."

Cool. They'll keep being bigots then.

"I shouldn't have to be polite to people who don't believe in my existence!"

Cool. They'll keep being bigots then.

"If you support sysmeds, you're supporting sysmed rhetoric. If you let one Nazi at the bar, it's a Nazi bar."

Cool antisemitism. They'll keep being bigots then.

If all of your activism for plural rights begins and ends at the word sysmed, you aren't doing anything to combat sysmedical beliefs. You're just keeping the bigots angry.

...

Not long ago, I used the term sysmed for myself. I still look back with disgust at my prior self, and force myself to love him for what he survived, how he did it, even if it was "wrong." Even if we're still "the bad guy" because we love our past self, because we fought to survive and change. Because we had once been bigoted, but we didn't hold that against us.

I still look back at messages sent in a plural server I'm in about how "I honestly both wanna try to figure out what makes them tick and also wanna run in the opposite direction of them" and how they would like to preemptively kick me from their server since I was "so confusing." I doubt that individual remembers saying it, and I don't hold it against them. I would be uncomfortable around me too.

I just also have my own shoes to wear, and my own perspective to see, and looking back now, I know why I used that term. It wasn't... fucking reclaiming, or whatever I said to myself to live in mental health hell denial for a little bit longer.

It was so that, since nobody gave a single fucking shit about me, at least I knew the reason why.

Because I was a bigot. And I deserved every ounce of hate I got.

Right?

...

So, my thoughts on sysmed, and hopefully this'll be the last time I mention this.

The term, as it is used currently in the community, forces those with bigoted mentalities -- mentalities they may or may not even be aware of being bigoted -- to remain bigoted. It slots people into The Bad Guy role effortlessly, allowing people to dehumanize bigotry when the source of bigotry is how people treat others. Dehumanizing bigotry only encourages the spread of it.

I think there are times in discussions where it's used properly. I've seen sysmed used to genuinely discuss an individual's beliefs and how they were, specifically, medicalizing all of the varied forms of systemhood/plurality/multiplicity, and how that was wrong. It's so, so rarely, but I've seen it. I've even used the term in discussion before, though sparingly, as I rarely find use for it in discussion.

But 99.99 times out of 100, it is used to insult someone else.

...

I'm a teacher. I don't know about you, but I never learned -- and I absolutely do not fucking teach -- through shame.

And the term sysmed only shames people into doing what you want them to.

If you want people to learn -- to grow -- then you have to fucking work for it. Not rely on a catchy term.

...

(Below, I'm going to include a screenshot from a discussion I had about this in another server. For context, I had just said that I also feel a lot of discomfort for the terms TERF and transmed. I couldn't find a good way to squeeze in this part of the discussion, so have a bonus.)

[fangirlwriting-stories]

Have Some Meta Thoughts I'm Having About Avatar and That One Time Toph and Katara Went to the Spa and Why I Actually Don't Hate It

Because this is my blog and I do what want *nods firmly to self*

Still gonna put it under a cut though because it's gonna get long

Okay, so, I'm rewatching Avatar right now just for fun, and I just got to Tales of Ba Sing Se, and now I'm having a lot of thoughts about this plotline. Normally I'm not a huge fan of the "girls day out at the spa because we're surrounded by boys all the time and need to do some girly things" kind of plotline. Instinctually, I prefer the way Amphibia did it when Anne tries to take Polly to the spa, where Polly still isn't a fan of the spa by the end of the episode and it's revealed the two boys, Sprig and Hop Pop, like the spa a lot more. But I actually really like the way Avatar did this plotline in Tales of Ba Sing Se, enough that other than the obvious Iroh choice, it's my favorite of the stories in the episodes, and I'm gonna go over why.

First of all, and I think this helps a lot overall, Avatar has a lot of episodes where it goes into the idea of girls not having to like all girly things and that they can fight and kick ass at it too. No one who tries to put down Toph or Katara because they're girls (or for any other reason for that matter) is going to last very long. That's actually proven near the end of the mini story when they mess up those girls who make fun of them, and that helps it too.

But I actually really like the spa parts, even more than the "beat up the jerks" part. I like that Toph ends up enjoying it, despite being unsure at first. I like that Katara is okay with Toph's own way of messing around and having fun, like when she makes the alien face by earthbending the mud. I like that they both use their bending to relax in a sauna. And I actually really like that at the end, Toph says she had fun and is enjoying feeling girly. Because actually, I've had those days too.

In case whoever's reading this doesn't know, I identify as what I tend to call a nonbinary woman. I feel fully like a nonbinary person and fully like a woman at the same time, most of the time. (Don't ask me how that works, I don't fully understand it either, it's just how I feel.) I didn't feel super connected to my "girl" identity growing up. I actually look pride in being a "tomboy" a lot of the time. But I still had days where, for one reason or another, I wanted to lean into it. Times when I was a kid and wanted to wear a dress just for the heck of it, or paint my nails, or wear something sparkly and pink. Sometimes the novelty of it was fun, or I wanted to feel connected to that "girl" part of myself that felt either out of reach or unimportant most of the time.

And for that reason, I see a lot of myself in Toph in this story. She comes across to me as wanting to connect with her oft-intentionally-neglected femininity, and I like that that's something she gets to do without being any less of a badass or any less Toph. That's a mistake made by a lot of people who write strong female characters, making the character look down on femininity as a whole. But to parrot what's said by Suki a season earlier, Toph is a badass, but she's a girl too. She can be both.

The other part I really like is how Katara comforts her after they get rid of the jerkish assholes who just want to put them both down. Katara starts with "Those girls don't know what they're talking about," and then Toph responds that one of the good things about being blind is that she's never worried about appearances and doesn't care what she looks like and isn't looking for anyone's approval. But despite that, it's obvious to both Katara the audience that it did get to her. Because of course it did! When you're cautiously exploring a neglected (intentionally or not) part of your identity, that's often a vulnerable place to be in. And if someone then insults you for that very thing you're exploring, it hurts like a bitch.

But Katara doesn't acknowledge her tears or keep going with how wrong the girls were, she instead turns it back on Toph's strong points: "That's what I really admire about you, Toph. You're so strong, and confident." She turns it onto things that they both know Toph is, and tells Toph she admires that about her. And then to top it all off, she validates the things that Toph was enjoying before: "And I know it doesn't matter, but... you're really pretty."

Honestly, that line makes me tear up every time. Because that's Katara validating the very thing that Toph was insecure about. Toph's "I don't care what I look like and I can be confident in that," responded to with, "I admire that about you, and also, if you ever do want to feel pretty, know that you are." And the inner little girl me just melts.

I love this plotline because it doesn't move away from Katara and Toph's characters to let them be stereotypically girly, it explores how Katara and Toph would be stereotypically girly, and then validates them in being allowed to do that.

And I'm really glad I got this episode as a kid, because now on days that I do feel like painting my nails or wearing a dress, I can go into it knowing that it doesn't take away from me in any way. And that's just a really nice, really validating message to hear. And I'm glad Avatar took the time to say it.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm morbidly fascinated by those "quotes" blogs. Whenever one of them makes it onto my dash I often compulsively hate-scroll through it for a couple of minutes, and I almost always find that while *some* of the blog is made up of vetted aphorisms and statements by identifiable people, a LOT of it is always some sort of extremely clumsy platitude attributed to "Unknown", as if it's a piece of ancient folk wisdom--but on closer inspection it's barely meaningful, like the one above. What does that say, "things that are hard to do are hard when you do them"? Yes, it is literally true that difficult doesn't mean impossible, is that really useful to point out? I would even get this more if the quote were something like "Impossible only means difficult"; there ya go, there's a little chicken soup for the teenage soul type of mindbender for ya. But what we have instead is just a definition of difficulty with a list of tags longer than the two sentences themselves. Thanks a lot, real inspiring. And then some of the quotes laid at the feet of poor old Unknown are just something like, "All I need is a cup of coffee, my favorite sweater, and a dog-eared book on a rainy day," and you're like Is this really a quote? Is the idea of "quotes" still worth something if we just mean "anything that could potentially come out of someone's mouth"? If you gave any of the people who run these blogs a copy of Bartlett's it would probably blow their brains out of their minds.

So because I get obsessed with things I don't understand, I start thinking about who it is that cooks these things up. There's someone, somewhere sitting at their computer trying to think of "deep" things to say, things that fit a certain tone and pattern that targets "your loneliest elderly relative on Facebook", and then they just write them down and slap "Unknown" on the end like it's some kind of profound secret that the reader is fortunate to stumble upon. To me, some of the results are just word salad. Like I think I know how this one is going to end, but then:

Ignoring the stray hyphen...my "pure soul"? I guess this is one way of saying "it's what's inside that counts", but seriously, what the fuck. What the hell are you talking about. But I have enough self-doubt in my constitution to wonder if I just don't get something here; I start to have a waking nightmare that this is actually an unattributed verse from Rumi or some shit that I'm just too primitive to recognize or understand. So I go Google this, and of course I find 15 or so versions of this:

And I'm back to trying to envision the culprit sitting at their computer trying to figure out how to sound like the oracle at Delphi real quick before their lunch break is over. What motivates someone to do this? Do they think they're going to get a book deal out of it? A lot of people will just do anything for attention; years ago I saw a post with this dry, formal caption about the domestic abuse incidents that led up to the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson along with regular pictures of her with VERY poorly photoshopped injuries. It was like...dude that is all a matter of public record, with real photos already in circulation, WHY ARE YOU FAKING THIS?? Maybe I'm just too much of an alien to understand why anyone does anything at all. But anyway, if this is too much negativity for you before 8am, try this version on for size, and have a terrific day.

[princeescaluswords]

CAN DO NO WRONG

I have a favorite character -- it's not hard to find out who -- and the most prominent complaint I've heard from a hostile fandom is that "everyone treats Scott as perfect!" and "the show acts as if Scott can do no wrong." And it's always been perplexing to me how people can say that. The show had this character frequently being wrong, being punished for being wrong, being humiliated for being wrong, and nearly being killed for being wrong. In the fifth season, my favorite character walked around for six episodes (out of twenty) with a non-healing chest wound the size of a softball because he got tricked by one of the season's villains. Now, supernatural healing was one of his major abilities, so it was a big deal, and the key for him overcoming it was making up for the mistakes he made. And they still argue that everyone treats him as if he "can do no wrong."

Now, part of it -- as I've explained in depth -- is racism. Certain members of the fandom wanted any of a number of white male characters to be the lead protagonist, and because they weren't, they looked for reasons to hate the Latino heroic protagonist. The accusation of him never being punished or being held accountable for his actions is a favorite, and somehow, no matter how many times Scott faced consequences or punishment in the show and how many times fans of the show point it out, it's never enough. Of course, this is because the only consequence this racist fandom would accept is him not being the lead protagonist.

But I feel there's another reason as well. Every week, I see someone defend the right to be a fan of villains. And they're right! It's wonderful to find a villain who speaks to you on a visceral level. it's thrilling to identify with the urge to toss away the restrictions we find ourselves burdened with every day. However, when you emotionally connect with such a character that strongly, there is the urge to see that character succeed.

In my particular show, the villains often do succeed to an extent. Peter Hale, the villain of the first and fourth seasons, was a manipulative serial killer who ambushed and murdered his own family and mutilated and violated children, yet he walked around for 38 episodes free and unmolested after his first murder spree, and he ended the series with his liberty and his millions in tact with a new family. And yet, his fans act as if he was the most persecuted person in the cast.

I can't help but think that there is a lack of awareness that the antagonist they are so fond of can't succeed completely: they're the villain after all! This isn't "useless" moralizing. Aristotle called phenomena such as this a universal in his Poetics, a central requirement of good storytelling. A villain can only triumph in a tale of nihilistic and/or dystopian horror, because no one, not even the most macho libertarian sociopath, truly wants to exist in the despotic world that successful villains would create. No one with any sense of dignity or self-preservation wants to imagine a world where brutality and manipulation are virtues and compassion and honesty are vices. No reader or character prefers savagery over civilization, or wants the strong to freely prey on the weak. Not even the villains themselves.

Those who create understand this; the triumph of the villain who remains a villain is inherently unsatisfying. Those who enjoy art understand this; they instinctively react to a story where the wrongdoer's victory is treated as a triumph with either horror at the creator's vision or disdain for the creator's immaturity. The only way for the villain's conquest to satisfy is for the villain to stop being the villain, and the easiest way for the audience to achieve that state is to undermine the hero.

That's why heroic protagonists are attacked as being full of flaws and flawless at the same time. Why characters who are set up in opposition to malefactors are labeled as either hypocritical White Knights or naive Don Quixotes. Why organizations portrayed as good in their fictions and targeted for destruction by the villains -- such as the Jedi from the Star Wars stories -- are suddenly dismissed as unrealistic or recontextualized as the "real" villains. When we look at the media -- the actual media -- are we really supposed to think that Scott McCall is a moron tyrant? That the Jedi are arrogant, brain-washing baby-nappers?

The essence of this universal is simply too powerful: the only way for them to truly and freely enjoy stanning the villain is to make every other character worse and by fandom alchemy render the label villain inconsequential. Unfortunately for them, the essentials of storytelling run counter to this, and so heroic protagonists who struggle but ultimately triumph must be criticized because they can do no wrong.

[kelliealtogether]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you, @cheeeryos for the tag. 💕

How many works do you have on ao3?

71+

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,130,187

What fandoms do you write for?

The Raven Cycle/The Dreamer Trilogy. I have hoped another will come along that will entice me enough to write, but, alas, nothing else has yet. 

Top five fics by kudos:

Boxes on the Lawn

Open Door

𝛑

What It All Could Be

Going Back to These Origins

(I find it interestingly hilarious that 3/5 have titles from Damien Rice songs.)

Do you respond to comments?

I do my best to, yes.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Even when I get angsty, I still try to have a hopeful ending (at least in my opinion). However, the ending of Somnium is probably the most melancholic of my (self-identified) hopeful endings.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is tough because I always try to go for the HEA, so I'll say the most satisfying and hardest won HEA is probably Boxes on the Lawn.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually, but it has happened. 

Do you write smut?

I do. 

Craziest crossover:

I've yet to write a crossover, and I'll never say never, but I don't see any crossovers in my future. Fusions, though… I'm all about fusions. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge. 

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, no. 

All time favorite ship?

I think it's obvious. 😌 Pynch. 

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

In all honesty, probably The Rearview.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I keep my writing interesting. I intentionally try to vary my sentences so they're not all "Adam did X. Ronan did Y," change up length, and have gotten better at not using filter or filler words. Basically, I try to mirror what I like reading in my writing, and do my best to not bore a reader. I also think I'm pretty funny. Or I at least make myself laugh a lot upon rereading my own fics.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to rush endings. I get them to the happily ever after and call it a day. There's no savoring it or relishing in it. Letting them breathe a little and finally have some peace on page. It's climax, then boom, the end. I'm trying to get better at this. I also think I never include enough dialogue. I don't think I'm as bad at dialogue as I once was, but reading back through my fics, there's never a significant amount of talking going on. 

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I mean, for assholes who use Latin as their love language, I think it's fine. It has its place. 

First fandom you wrote in?

First first was Mary Sue self-insert Flyers RPF. The one that grew legs and ran was Pierre and David from Simple Plan.

Favorite fic you've written?

*** **** because of the way I wrote Pynch's relationship. Uncensored, Vital Pieces, because cannibalism because I really like my writing in it and some of the scene choices I made. Ask me next week and this will change. 

Tagging @emmerrr and @werewolffeelings if either of you are interested. 🥰

[bazooka-bbgum]

Fic idea I'm working on

Notations:

I have romantic ganlink, but can be platonic, I'm just being self-indulgent and stuff

Also spoilers, but I haven't finished the game

I'm probably gonna edit the shit out of this bc this is a rough idea

Ask me to tag anything if you want

Totk au where Link manages to grab Zelda's hand enough that he thinks she's safe, but instead of everything being fine, they both get sent back to the beginning of Hyrule.

Unfortunately they get separated. Zelda is found by Rauru and Sonia, but Link is found on the edge of Gerudo town.

Guards bring Link to Ganon, king of the Gerudo, but it's because they think he's one of Rauru's messengers, trying to make them join Hyrule.

When Link explains how he doesn't know who Rauru is, isn't a messenger, and doesn't know how he got here, Ganon inspects him further.

Eventually Ganon is getting even more tired of Rauru attempting to convince him into Hyrule, and realizes that Rauru's messengers are all male, he passes a law.

No men shall be allowed to enter Gerudo town, unless given such passage by the chief.

Link ends up being the one who will listen to Ganon's rants, and stays by his side most of the time.

At some point they travel to see Rauru, and Link sees Zelda. He is excitedly signing to her, before gently pulling on Ganon's hand to tell ask if he can speak to Zelda. On Zelda's side, she asks Rauru and Sonia. The two end up rambling to eachother for a while in Zelda's room.

Until Link is escorted from her room to the guest room with Ganon, where he asks about Zelda.

Link explains that he knows Zelda, and he was her knight. Ganon says that they're having a diplomatic dinner in an hour.

The dinner goes well. Link and Zelda help with the deal, and all seems well.

Zelda still doesn't trust Ganondorf, but Link did. Zelda wasn't wrong to have her doubts. In fact that was a good thing.

Ganon adored how he had the courage to defeat monsters far over twice his size. How he was able to identify plants that were edible. How he could hunt with surprising efficiency.

A day or two later, Sonia, Rauru, and Ganon are talking about Hyrule and such. Link is sitting not too far away weaving and braiding whatever flowers he and Zelda could find into necklaces and bracelets. Zelda was wandering the area to find additional flowers for Link to use.

Link was distracted but, while Zelda was walking by she felt a wave of bad intentions from Ganon.

Skip forward a few weeks, Link and Ganon are back in Gerudo town.

Ganon gets a report of Rauru not upholding his end of a deal [idk what kind of deal it would be, maybe a trade deal or something idk], and is reasonably upset by such.

Ganon sends a letter to say that if he didn't uphold his end in the future, he and the gerudo would resign from Hyrule.

Zelda has picked a side, but Link didn't want to.

He didn't want to because, while Sonia and Rauru were kind to Zelda, he felt like she didn't see that Ganon had been kind to him. Any anger he expressed, was because of either Rauru, or the stress of being in his position.

He knew that Ganon was going to get sealed away, he knew bad things would happen but he didn't want to choose.

He runs off crying at some point, hating that people he cared about were fighting. He didn't want to be the deciding vote.

Ganon finds him, and attempts to comfort him.

Link, a few days later manages to disappear entirely. Or so Ganon thought.

He found a place with enough sentimental value, and soon was back in his time.

[polyhexian]

god it's so FUCKING ANNOYING the ace community still cannot escape AVEN getting declared the big important Ace Community Representative or whatever. literally from its inception it's done nothing but be alienating to like 90% of the ace community. i've identified as ace for 15 years and in that time i've never met more than a handful of aces who didn't get pissed off at the mere mention of it tbh.

I've ALSO identified as Ace for precisely 15 years how funny. And I fucking hate aven. It had such a profoundly negative affect on me. It was so toxic and undermined my self esteem so much. It's this classic kind of "sex is nasty, ESPECIALLY those nasty gays, we are so much better and cleaner than them because they're so dirty lol" and they were so OBSESSED with creating imagery and icons and in-jokes so much. It had this underlying current of desperately wanting to convince everyone they were more oppressed than any other demographic and then becoming some kind of exclusive club that was better than everyone else, creating all those intracommunity jokes and icons to exclude others. And again all the heteromantic aces who would fly into a rage at the idea they weren't facing equal discrimination to a black trans woman living in the deep south. It was so focused on IMAGE, not on actually like, your internal self or feelings. Just the image you put out for other people to perceive. Back in those days ace discourse was MISERABLE and aven pushed so hard to create discourse and to seperate ace people from all LGBT communities and to constantly start fights and be aggressive and it was no wonder tbh that other people were so venomous against ace stuff because aven and it's entire mentality encouraged people to BE toxic. It's taken so much work to undo the damage that all did and to mend the wounds between ace and LGBT communities.

God I remember like. Aven days. If a 14 year old wondered if they were ace and you said maybe! But you might also be a late bloomer, or you might be bi or gay or trans or even have some kind of trauma affecting the way you feel attraction. You could totally be ace! But you're young and you should keep your mind open as your feelings develop. Avenfolks would swoop in with "that's aphobic!!!" And convincing young people that the second they thought maybe they were ace they were definitely ace and there was no other option and if they ever changed their minds they were some kind of traitor. I think it really fucked a lot of people up as they were growing and changing. And I say that as a person who DID end up being endgame ace!!

[verlaines-corner-archive]

KICKS YOUR DOOR DOWN !!! idk if these count as wholesome, but they are all general fedya headcanons i have (can you guess which ones are me self projecting ???)

he's epileptic cause the real fyodor was epileptic

he's a super sex positive person and the stigma that having a lot of sex/exploring your sexual self makes you a lesser person infuriates him to no ends. he also thinks the whole 'pre-marital sex is a sin' thing is fucking bullshit

he's an orthodox christian, but he's a little more on the ambiguous side of being an orthodox, he identifies with the faith, but not to the T

he likes small soft animals, and he likes small stuffies

he didn't learn to read, write or speak until much later than his peers, but once he did learn all the things, he was far ahead of everyone else.

he gets sick quite a bit, but he gets self conscious about how weak his body and immune system are, so when he does get sick he just hides away from everyone around him. good thing he's very competent and can take care of himself.

he actually has a very good relationship with his mom. he still calls her from time to time and they talk for hours to catch up. she doesn't know what exactly he's doing, but she loves hearing from her dear son

he very much enjoys romance novels, they're kinda his guilty pleasure, but one of his favorite things to do to relax is drink some hot tea and read a good romance story.

speaking of tea, he likes it really sweet, more cream and sugar than actual tea.

he has an over active imagination, and when he was a kid was absolutely convinced that everything was living, he talked to his toys all the time. having whole conversations with them.

wears his hat all the time because he HATES when things touch his ears.

his hands are really soft, but constantly cold, and his knuckles get very red a lot of the time bc of how cold his hands get.

he finds slasher films to be corny and annoying, but he does enjoy himself a good psychological horror film. but his movie is v for vendetta. he likes the themes that are used, the film style, the use of colors. it's definitely his go to when he gets to pick the movie for movie nights.

speaking of movie nights, on the topic of dates, as tedious as it is, he has scheduled dates. it's all he can do for dates since he's so busy.

he talks to himself a lot. he often narrates everything he does, and doesn't even notice it sometimes. he just goes about his day spewing silly little monologues as everyone just stares at him weird.

he likes stars quite a bit, and planets fascinate him. despite how smart he is, he has never been able to fully wrap his head around how big the world really is, and how tiny he and everyone he knows is so tiny in comparison.

every time he sees an animal out in public, he waves to it, of (if he can do it discreetly) blows it a little kiss.

he likes cabbage a lot !! no particular reason, he just likes cabbage.

okay i'm done... for now. patiently awaiting the fyodor filth :D

Hello dear Lev! I am going to respond to some of your hcs with my opinions on your hcs. Under the cut for space

 -> I agree with Fyodor being epileptic! There’s actually a really interesting twitter thread by faust [@CosmicFaustus] going over his health and possible conditions he has.

 -> Now, I don’t really agree with the sex positivity one and I’m going to go over why because this is a very interesting topic to me.

Firstly I believe Fyodor to be both sex repulsed and a virgin. This is for a few reasons, the main one being that sex is something that requires vulnerability. The other person would have to see his body, frail and weak as it is, and despite his ability he would be in a position where he is out in the open. Bare and fully exposed, and the intimacy and vulnerability that comes with that is that freaks him out, leading to being him repulsed by the idea of it. With a lover he’d definitely warm up to sex, but it would take a long time and a lot of trust/comfort. But once that has been reached yeah, he’s all for exploring himself/themselves sexually.

In regards to other people I can’t see him being really sex positive. To Fyodor sex is something sacred, to be done only between lovers, an ultimate display of love and trust, and while he doesn’t really care about what other people do he will definitely silently judge them. People who sleep around or have had many partners are, to him, idiots who can’t control themselves. None of his business once again, and he’ll never actually say anything, but he definitely judges.  Fyodor definitely has a “my way or the high way” mentality, so those who go against what he believes are definitely lesser to him, which can pose a problem when it comes to relationships. He is not the best at understanding other peoples point of view beyond a theoretical understanding.

I do agree with the pre-marital sex though. I don’t think he cares much for that, but once again if someone has had a lot of bodies before marriage then he’s definitely side-eyeing them. But he would definitely have sex with his own lover before marriage, hundred percent.

Tl;dr: Fyodor is only sex positive with his lover, and that takes a while.

 -> I agree with him being Christian! I definitely see it being more ambiguous though, like you said. His relationship with religion is most certainly very strained and odd but that would require a whole analysis to get into.

 -> Fyodor definitely likes animals. I think he does both the “man is nothing more than animals” and “animals are so much better than man” thing. I also do see Fyodor having kept a teddy bear from when he was a child, though it’s hidden away and he seldom ever looks at it.

 -> He definitely gets sick a lot [once again pointing back at the tread by Faust], though I don’t think he’s good at taking care of himself. Fyodor can very easily get lost in his work and got days on end without eating or sleeping, and when he does take care of himself it’s either the bare minimum or actual proper self care, with the latter usually only being on days where he’s free [read as Ivan forcing him to take a break].

 -> I kind of see him liking romance? It’s by no means his favourite genre, but sometimes he’ll indulge and read one. I think he prefers tragic romances though, though the cheesy ones can be fun to pick on [especially with his lover].

 -> I don’t agree with him having an overactive imagination at all. Even as a kid Fyodor probably had a very ‘mature’ understanding and awareness of mortality and so on, I don’t think he ever believed everything was alive. I could see him talking to a stuffed animal maybe, but that would be from pure loneliness, nothing else.

 -> Now I don’t really see Fyodor watching movies, but I certainly don’t think his favourite would be V for Vendetta.

And yeah, he definitely schedules dates. There are some spontaneous ones, but a lot of times they’re predetermined. Which, honestly, is how Fyodor likes them. It gives him something to look forward to and creates a very welcome consistency. 

 -> I half agree with Fyodor narrating. I firmly believe Fyodor wouldn’t narrate aloud at all, no silly monologues or anything of that ilk. To everyone else Fyodor is ghostly silent, to the point where some people wonder if he’s actually there or not. Everything Fyodor thinks is internalised, he’s extremely in his own head.

[macchiatosdumptruck]

I like how you self-identify as a filthy multi-shipper... because so am I. What are some of your ships? (Feel free to give as comprehensive an answer as you'd like.)

I'm gonna guess this is for tkk/CK. (If I went into my ships from other fandoms this would be a book. )

Hmmm. So. When I joined the fandom upon the release of S3, I was drawn in specifically by lawrusso. I had just started petering out of the IT fandom and they reminded a fair amount of Reddie. The angst with the possibility of slow burn with a happy ending got me.

But at the time there were some very good silverusso fanfics that I had read out of curiosity.

Once I watched the movies (after I watched seasons 1-3) I gained like 38366262 ships because Daniel is my fandom bicycle and I want everyone to get a ride.

I can and have shipped him with most tkk/CK characters because I find each ship to offer something interesting.

I started out a lawrusso stan. I still ship them. It's a ship with good bones. Unfortunately some negative sides of fandom (Daniel haters) ruined it for me for a while. But they're still one of my main ships and I have 2 wips for them currently. My favorite flavor of them is angry teen lawrusso.

My relationship with the ship changed a lot between the before and after of watching the original trilogy.

Obviously, I'm silverusso trash. Everything about them fascinates me. Plus it's highly aesthetic and lends well to a large number of my kinks. I also prefer them on the angsty side (I mean, it is canon. Plus the toxicity of messed up ships is like. The explicit appeal. ) but have been known to indulge in some fluff au's. It's the ship I've written the most for and get asked about the most. It's full of delicious horror romance tropes tbh. Or, if you want. You can go full angst and whump Daniel hard.

I also really ship danzen, even though I should write more for them and finish my wips of them. Chozen has one of the most interesting character arcs of any of the "karate rivals." It's a true enemies to lovers ship. Only Chozen is also like a night in shining armor now. His character development relies heavily on themes of shame, acceptance, and forgiveness. Daniel literally changed Chozen's life in a way that CANNOT be understated.

I also shipped LaBarnes before it was cool (I say as it has like... 6 shippers lol. ) Out of pure curiosity. Mike doesn't have a lot going on in the movie and that made him a fun character to play with. Especially the angle of "I'm in it for the money." Plus he keeps calling Daniel things like sweetheart and saying he owns his ass so...

And then his redemption in CK s5 gives us a lot to play with as well.

Daniel and Ali I ship as cute goofy teenagers figuring things out.

KUMIKO IS Daniel's FIRST TRUE LOVE. And I will fight people on that. It's love that was meant to be then wasn't. Two ships passing in the night. They changed each other forever in their short time together, and obviously never really "got over" each other. It's sweet and pure and heartbreaking.

Daniel and Amanda I ship because they give so many bi4bi #gender goals vibes. Amanda is just as unhinged as Daniel, and I think he needs that. I think they balance each other out in a way that really works. They subvert the typical tropes of a male/female romance with their character types. Also the height difference is hot.

Daniel and Kreese is something I never thought I would ship, but eventually the brain worms got to me. I just find Kreese's mind so morbidly fascinating. He was truly obsessed with Daniel. Why? There is so much to play with. Plus, it's also aesthetically pleasing and anons have tricked me into writing domestic au's for my hate-fucking ship.

I ship Daniel with all the Cobras. Usually as a group although I do think Dutch had something Going On given how he acts in the locker room scene. Incredibly feral.

There's probably more that I'm forgetting, and I'm not gonna get into the ot3's or I'll be here all day. Lol.

(whatever the fuck is going on between Kreese/Silver/Daniel has bewitched me though. )

💜

Edit: I forgot I also wrote samtory and cobra husbands. Samtory are feral angry girls and I love that for them. I ship cobra husbands only in the most heartbreaking way.