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magnoliabloomfield · 3 years

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Possession Part 10

This one is super long, it got away from me, but i don't think any of you will mind lol. Expand for story time.

Gally sat in the gathering hall, his heel bouncing against the dirt floor. As everyone settled in, Newt gave him a glance that put most of his nerves at ease, and for good reason. Once the discussion started it was clear that Alby had already decided that she was to be a Keeper in her own right. Some confusion and groans went around the others but Alby put a fast stop to them, explaining it was the only way to uphold the one rule about her and everything else Gally had said to Newt. He was glad he wasn’t the one trying to convince anyone or having to take credit for the idea.

The only thing left to settle was what she would be a keeper of. They decided to go around to each keeper and see what they had observed about her.

“Gally, you worked with her first, what do you think?” Alby started off with him.

Gally crossed his arms and thought for a moment, forcing his mind to other things than when her eyes softened as she looked at him. “She’s good at following direction,” he started out and earned a nod from every other keeper who had worked with her as well. “If you don’t give her something to do she will just find something to do. When there was nothing left she could do on the building project she went around giving everyone water and wet rags to keep cool. So, she’s not lazy and she has a fair bit of common sense. Plus, being smaller she can help with things no one else can get to.”

“I bet you wish you could be her keeper then,” Zart spoke up out of turn, earning a furrowed glare from Gally that made him backpedal quickly. “Just because of how helpful she seems to be to the building team.”

Gally would never even hint that he wouldn't have minded being her keeper, that he was the only one he trusted to take care of her right. But those feelings were just another confirmation that she should be her own keeper.

“She did well in the medhut, but she admitted that she might not be able to handle some of the worse things that come through there,” Clint spoke up next. “But she is good at organizing, she transformed the storage and it’s totally easier to find things now. If possible I’d like to have her rewrite the notes we took on treating injuries because her hand writing is so much better than mine or Jeff’s, just throwing that out there.”

“She was good at the smaller tasks in the garden,” Zart said. “But she’s not so good at the more difficult physical tasks.”

“I think that’ll be a common thread, nothing heavily physical I should think,” Newt tacked on out of turn.

“I don’t have anything bad to say about her,” Fry started up. “But she just wasn’t fast enough in the kitchen. But to be fair, no one ever is on their first day. It takes a while to learn muscle memory and I just don’t have that kind of time when all of you are counting on me to get you fed day in and day out.”

Gally lightly gripped his chin in thought. There was something similar in everything they were saying, there was some common thread.

“You have an idea Gally?” Newt asked, breaking him from his trance.

“Well, it sounds like, in one way or another, everyone would agree her attention to detail is very good,” Gally mused aloud, not focusing on anyone just yet as he continued to think. “It’s like we all could use her help in certain situations but not necessarily all the time. So… maybe she could be the keeper of odd jobs? She could organize whatever needs organized, she can write down what needs written, she can assist whenever we need someone small, or whenever something intricate or tedious needs done and we can’t spare someone able bodied for it. She could help us all while not belonging to anyone.”

“The Keeper of Odd Jobs?” Shawn repeated incredulously. The Keeper of the baggers was never one to go with the flow. “Why don’t we just make her the Keeper of the Laundry?”

“Laundry is the slopper’s job and it takes more than one person to do,” Alby pointed out. “Unless you want to make her keeper of the sloppers. I don’t know if the little punks would hate answering to a girl or love it.”

“She needs to be the keeper of herself, and then any other girls who may or may not show up,” Gally dared to add.

“Well, let her go off and do whatever she feels like then, why does she have to be a keeper?” Shawn went on complaining.

“Because the keepers decide what happens in the glade,” Alby said with an edge to his voice. “Those decisions effect her now so she should get a say in them, she should have her perspective heard.”

Nikola was surprised when the gathering broke up and no one came to talk to her about her assignment. Even if Alby didn’t come and inform her she figured whoever it was would be excited enough to come tell her himself. Except for Gally. She felt a hopeful little jump in her chest that she was going to be a builder. She knew Gally would do right by her, protect her and be kind enough to her without being creepy. But he wouldn’t be bursting at the seams happy to tell her either.

As she was in line getting dinner that evening, still thinking about her assignment, she felt a presence looming up on her.

“Hey,” Gally’s voice called out to her as he came up from behind.

She felt another jolt, thinking this was finally it, he was coming to tell her he really was her keeper.

“You’ll want to stick around for this meal, Newt is saving a seat for you,” was all he said before walking off to his own table.

Nikola was left standing there in confusion, not expecting that. She also felt a little miffed that he wasn’t saving a seat for her himself, but expected her to go sit with Newt. Nevertheless she followed his instruction and awkwardly sat beside Newt at a table with Zart and Alby himself.

“Hey,” she greeted them blandly. “I heard you were saving a seat for me here, what’s up?”

“We have a special announcement to make and it has to do with you,” Newt started explaining with an amused smirk. “We wanted to make sure you were around to hear it since you seem to get antisocial at meal times.”

Nikola couldn’t help the small furrow in her brow from confusion. She didn’t care about his jab at her not sticking around for meals and didn’t bother explaining that’s the only time she could hear herself think, she just wondered what this announcement was. She looked around, trying to spot Gally as if just seeing him would bring her some comfort. She didn’t manage to catch sight before Alby stood up and addressed the gladers.

“Now that everyone’s here, I want to announce what the council decided on for the latest greenie, Nikola,” he shouted and earned everyone’s attention as the chatter fell to a silence. However, when he mentioned Nikola a few whoops and wolf whistles were heard. “Shut up you shanks,” Alby chastised them. “Because she’s the newest Keeper.”

Nikola couldn’t keep the shock off her face, but her surprise turned sour rather quickly as the announcement was met with a silence that bubbled to a murmur around her.

“I know you might be confused by this,” Alby acknowledged them. “But you’re not going to put up a fuss about it, and you’re certainly not going to give Nikola any clunk about either. It was the council’s decision and she never asked for it. We made her a keeper so she can lead any other girls that might show up in the future, and now that we have girl living here and sharing our glade with us, her voice should be heard about what goes on here.”

Nikola started to think that made a lot of sense and definitely liked that they were willing to listen to her and let her have a say in what went on there. But Alby wasn’t done.

“Besides all that, it was the only way to make sure we didn’t break the new rule,” He added, making Nikola’s brows furrow in confusion. What new rule had they made about her?

“She doesn’t belong to anybody.”

Nikola felt the blood rush to her face. She felt angry, but she wasn’t sure why. It was actually ideal, she couldn’t be ordered around by one keeper, she wasn’t being treated like an object or property, but there was something alienating about it too. It was a very complex situation and so were her emotions about it.

“What does that mean?” she whispered to Newt as Alby said a few last words to cement the whole thing and draw the announcement to a conclusion. “That I don’t belong to anybody?”

Newt shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “Well, uh, you’re the first girl anyone here has seen for as long as they can remember. But there’s only one of you and dozens of them. We were afraid it would cause some problems if, uh…”

“I had some kind of… exclusive relationship with someone?” she pressed.

“Yeah,” Newt sighed in relief because he didn’t have to try and say it himself.

She turned away with a sigh of her own as she looked out on the grassy meadow of the glade shadowed from the setting sun and camp fires. “If all of them can’t have me, none of them shall. That kind of deal, huh?”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Alby cut in, having heard some of the conversation. “It’s not like anyone else has ever liked the living situation here-“

“And me being here just made it worse?” She cut in, staring him down with a deadened expression.

“That’s not it,” Newt leaned in, trying to smooth it over.

“Whose idea was it?” Nikola asked.

“What, the rule?” Newt asked.

“I came up with the rule the moment you arrived,” Alby admitted easily. “I’m doing my best to keep this place from falling into chaos every day, and I know you didn’t ask to be sent here, but you are here and that’s going to present new problems I have to work hard to overcome whether everyone likes it or not.”

Nikola understood where he was coming from but it didn’t make her feel very good. In fact, she was pretty sure she was going to cry. She hadn’t done that yet, she’d been too busy or had other things on her mind. She pressed her lips together and pushed back from the table.

“It was Gally,” Newt said quickly before she could get up and leave.

She looked at him, her tears put on temporary hold.

“Gally suggested you be a keeper so no one could act like they owned you and you’d have a voice on the council,” he elaborated.

That was a whole new thing to try and process, so she got up, leaving them and the rest of her dinner behind, and headed to her prison tower. As safe and kindly built as it was, it just further isolated her. The worst kind of isolation was not being alone, but being surrounded with people you either couldn’t trust or couldn’t get close to. She realized that’s the kind of isolation she was in. Sure, she didn’t want to belong to someone the way an animal or object belongs to a person, but she wanted to feel like she belonged in the world, even one as small and messed up as this one.

“Nikola,” a gruff voice called after her when she was halfway to her house.

She closed her eyes at having been caught, at having to interact with someone when she needed to go off and feel her feelings. As her eyes closed, she felt tears fall. She hadn't realized it had started already. She stayed there with her back turned to them and hoped they would just talk and make it quick.

“What’s wrong?” She recognized Gally’s voice drawing up cautiously behind her and it felt like a fist wrapped around her heart, and extra squeeze of sadness came over her that she wasn’t expecting. “Nikola?”

“Nothing,” she lied as she crossed her arms, trying to play off how thick her voice sounded from the held back tears.

But he had rounded her to her side and she looked at him. It was a bit of a surprise to see the biggest, toughest guy look like a deer in the headlights when he saw her face. She tried to hide her expression, but she couldn’t suck tears back into her eyes.

“Are you… crying?” he asked quietly.

“So what if I am?” she asked as she fiercely wiped her face. “Am I not allowed?”

He looked away and she thought she saw him ball up a fist.

“You can, I just…” he looked down and then changed his mind about finishing that sentence. “Is there something I can do?”

“I doubt it,” she said and took a step toward her house, toward her well deserved privacy to cry, but stopped. “Why did you want me to be a keeper?”

He seemed surprised that she knew that and his wide eyes quickly looked away from her again. “So you wouldn’t have to answer to anyone,” he said to his boots. “So they’d have to listen to you instead of making you listen to them. They don’t know what it’s like for a girl here, so you should get a say in the things that are going to affect your life. I thought that would be a good thing, I didn’t realize you’d be upset by it.”

“I’m not,” she blurted, not being able to take the kicked puppy act from the big guy. “It’s not that part, it was the part about not belonging to anyone.”

That caused him to lock eyes with her in confusion. “What?”

“No, I know. I know. It just,” she let out a frustrated sigh. “I get it, I’m not property or anything so I appreciate it, but there’s a whole other meaning to belonging and it feels like I’m never going to belong here in that sense when everyone can only get so close to me, you know?”

He just stared down at her like he didn’t know.

“Forget it,” she sighed as she started for her house again, somehow feeling even worse.

“No, wait a second,” he pressed, catching up to her. “I want to understand.”

Gally rarely met a problem within the Glade that he couldn’t fix. Nothing was as challenging as the girl, but he was confident that with proper effort he could do something useful.

“Do you have a best friend?” she spun on him and asked, her voice sounding different as her nose stuffed up a little from the crying. “There are some people that you’re just closer to than others, right?”

He thought of Newt and how he spent more time with him than Shawn who he didn’t like at tall. He wasn’t sure if that would qualify as being best friends though.

“Can I have a best friend here, or would that just make everyone else jealous? Is there anyone I can laugh with, is there a shoulder I’m allowed to cry on or do I have to rotate through everyone in the glade to keep it fair? I’m already the only girl which is a lonely enough thing but it feels like I’m not even- like, I’m not allowed to be human.”

Gally tried to process what she said even as the sight of her crying in front of him caused him unusual distress. He found it hard to keep his hands by his sides.

“Well, I’m here. Aren’t I?” he asked her.

Her eyes were glassy and surprised as she looked up at him, slightly hopeful.

“I don’t know if you’d think of me as best friend material, but I never walk away from people, especially the ones I can help,” he told her, his conviction in what he was saying let him hold her gaze.

She was the first one to shy away. Her head tilted down, her falling tear drops twinkling in the low light, but he thought he saw a small smile before she looked down.

“You’re right,” she nodded. “You’re not really best friend material.”

She looked up and a big grin cracked on her tear stained face, she was teasing him. He broke into a relieved grin of his own, glad she wasn’t serious, and she let out a little laugh, possibly her first one.

“I’m kidding of course,” she assured him. “You’ve been a pretty good friend so far.”

She pursed her lips as her eyes looked skyward, as if recounting all the things he’d done to earn him that commendation. She let out a heavy breath but she seemed to be feeling better than when he found her.

“Thank you, Gally. Goodnight,” she smiled softly, slightly turning toward her house again, but waiting on him.

“Goodnight,” it slipped from his lips before he could even think of restraining it, and he wasn’t upset about it when he saw her smile grow a little before she went off to her house for real that time.

He watched her go for a moment, turned to go, but looked back once more. She was on the bottom rung of her ladder taking a glance back at him as well.

Masterlist

Note about me: Hey yall! sorry for the long wait, I had Vertigo and headaches 24/7 for two weeks. They switched me to to 24 hour release Webutrin and I'm on 500mg of Salt Stick Vitasium for my POTS and that's doing the trick! I finally feel like a functioning human being again and brain can story again. I wanna keep brining you Gally fun, but I also want to get back into my original novel too, so anyone who might want to take a look at some of my own original writing and hype me up I'd appreciate it so much! let me know if you want to.

and now to make some people's notifications happy:

@gladerscake @quackquackbi @poulterjonas @crazysheeplyca @neilox @thesuitkovian @carp3d1em @cottoncandy-dreamxd @emilyhadenbaker

#thirsting over gally's thick ankles #gally imagine #tmr #the maze runner #fan fic #tmr gally #gally tmr #will poulter #will poulter protection squad

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nessiansimp · 4 years

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Analysis of Eris’s Character

In light of the new teaser and everyone freaking out if nesta and eris are mates, let’s analyze Eris’s character.

This is mostly just angry, aggressive ranting, most of which is probably incomprehensible.

ACOTAR

Remember when Lucien gets whipped in ACOTAR because Amarantha wanted to guilt Feyre into giving her name? None of Lucien’s brothers, including Eris, seemed particularly upset:

“Toned and muscled, some of them looking like warriors about to set foot on a battlefield, some like pretty courtiers, they all stared at Lucien- and grinned. The four remaining sons of the High Lord of the Autumn Court.”

“Lucien’s brothers lurked on the edges of the crowd- no remorse, no fear on their handsome faces.”

“A ripple of laughter spread across those assembled behind us, the loudest from Lucien’s brothers.”

Eris does absolutely nothing while his brother is tortured, if anything he seems delighted by it.

“Lucien sagged on the ground, trembling. His brothers frowned- the eldest going so far as to bare his teeth at me in a silent snarl.”

ACOMAF

“And it’s another long story, but the short of it is that Eris refused to marry her. Said she’d been sullied by a bastard-born lesser faerie, and he’d now sooner fuck a sow. Her family … they …”

“When they were done, they dumped her on the Autumn Court border, with a note nailed to her body that said she was Eris’s problem.”

“Eris left her for dead in the middle of their woods. Azriel found her a day later.”

THIS is the person y’all are shipping Nesta with? The fact that you think Eris is a better match for Nesta than Cassian?? That you even COMPARE Eris to Cassian???

I’ve also heard this other theory that Eris knew that Azriel was coming and he thought Mor would be safer with him or something like that which is why he left her. But um no??? Az came a whole day later. What if Mor had died by then? I doubt Eris planned that.

This is completely unrelated but there’s this little line that I hadn’t noticed on my initial reading of the books:

“Azriel found her a day later. It was all I could do to keep him from going to either court and slaughtering them all.” I thought of that merry face, the flippant laughter, the female that did not care who approved. Perhaps because she had seen the ugliest her kind had to offer. And had survived. And I understood—why Rhys could not endure Nesta for more than a few moments, why he could not let go of that anger where her failings were concerned, even if I had.”

WTF. YOU’RE COMPARING ERIS TO NESTA????? THEY ARE NOWHERE NEAR THE SAME LEVEL. GIRL BYE.

ACOWAR

When Eris tries to capture Lucien and Feyre :

“Eris would bring us to Beron, and the High Lord would either kill us for sport, sell us to the highest bidder, or hold us indefinitely. And after what they had done to Lucien’s lover, what they’d done to Mor …“

And let’s not forget that he held Feyre at knife point 🥰

“Eris lifted a hand wreathed in flame. Flame—to melt the ice on which we stood.”

Lol.... not to mention hunting his brother and Feyre down like a savage animal...

“I’d no sooner hit the ice than Eris grabbed me by the hair, right at the roots, the grip so brutal tears stung my eyes. But he dragged me back toward that shore, back across the ice“

“I opened my mouth, but a gag of fire shoved its way between my lips. It didn’t burn, but was hot enough to tell me it would if Eris willed it. Equal bands of flame wrapped around my wrists, my ankles. My throat.”

Need I say more?

I was talking to someone today who suggested that maybe Eris puts on a “mask” the way Rhysand does, and that he’s actually a good person. I really hope that’s not true, I don’t think either of those men should have their actions justified because they pretend to be cruel, when they are, in fact, ruthless tyrants.

Also, can we talk about how similar Eris and Rhys are? Their mannerisms, their snarky attitude, even the way they walk is described similarly. And, obviously, they’re both abusers. How about let’s not let Eris become the next Rhysand everyone’s going to fangirl over? We can’t forgive them just for being attractive.

“Something flickered in Eris’s eyes. “I don’t know who fed you those lies to begin with, Morrigan,” he said with vicious calm. “Likely the bastards you surround yourself with.” A sneer at Azriel. Mor snarled, rattling the glasses. “You never gave any evidence to the contrary. Certainly not when you left me in those woods.” “There were forces at work that you have never considered,” Eris said coldly. “And I am not going to waste my breath explaining them to you. Believe what you want about me.”

Again, isn’t this so strikingly familiar? Rhys s*xually assaulting Feyre to protect her. Eris leaving Mor to die because there are “other forces at work”. Not bothering to explain to either woman why they’re doing it and justifying it instead???

“You hunted me down like an animal,” I cut in. “I think we’ll choose to believe the worst.” Eris’s pale face flushed. “I was given an order. And sent to do it with two of my … brothers.”

“And what of the brother you hunted down alongside me? The one whose lover you helped to execute before his eyes?”

Eris laid a hand flat on the table. “You know nothing about what happened that day. Nothing.”

Silence.

“Indulge me,” was all I said. Eris stared me down. I stared right back. “How do you think he made it to the Spring border,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t there— when they did it. Ask him. I refused. It was the first and only time I have denied my father anything. He punished me. And by the time I got free … They were going to kill him, too. I made sure they didn’t. Made sure Tamlin got word—anonymously—to get the hell over to his own border.”

What do you want, Eris, a medal? Doesn’t change the fact you left Mor to bleed to death. But good on you for.... not letting your brother die, I guess.

Eris is shown to be a cruel, hateful person, but above all I think he’s a coward. He does what he’s told without any question, and he’s too afraid to stand up to his own father. He resorts to plotting behind his back and (eventually, I assume) killing him instead.

I certainly think there’s more to Eris’s story, and I’m excited to read about it. He’s a very complex, multi faceted character that is clearly more than he lets on, but I’m not sure what there is that could possibly make him redeemable.

And I’m still gonna read the book... but Miss Maas u got some explaining to do.

#Nesta deserves better than an abusive bastard like Eris #nessian #anti eris #eris vanserra #acotar #acosf #sjm #cassian #nesta archeron #morrigan

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mydriases · 4 years

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Boyfriend headcanons for Epel and Lilia

Anon asked: Hello! Welcome to the fandom! I look forward to your future writing. Can I get some boyfriend headcanon for Epel and Lilia? Thank you!

Thanks, I've kept the format of my first post so I hope it's what you expected!

A small digression to thank you all for the +100 followers! I don't understand how so many people would want to read what I write lol Thank you to everyone who commented or sent messages of encouragement, it touches me deeply.

Epel Felmier

Like loads of people, when you first saw Epel, you thought he was just another pretty boy.

It was at the welcome party for Pomefiore’s new students that you changed your mind.

You heard him fuming over the fact that he wanted to be a Savanaclaw, saw him get reprimanded for his table manners and noticed the way he really seemed out of place, all of this convinced you that he wasn't just another narcissist.

You made a point to become his friend, not out of pity but out of admiration. He was a person with many hidden talents who was able to put up with an environment he despised.

It is true that you were also looking for a type of personality different from the one who invaded Pomefiore like ivy.

One evening, while you were reading in the living room, the incessant chatter of your classmates forced you to leave the room. At least that's what you would've done if you hadn't seen Epel trapped by three other people.

They were talking together about how Epel was a model of elegance and that some people should follow his example. Their discussion was one-sided, judging by the expression of embarrassment that covered Epel's face like a veil.

You made it your duty to get him out of this situation.

You approached the small group, interrupted them and then took your sweetest voice to apologize to these gentlemen because you had to work on a project with Epel.

Of course, they didn’t express any objection and let the two of you go away after a final praise.

Epel showered you with thanks and even asked you if there was any way he could repay you.

« I mean… I wasn’t lying when I said I had a project to work on. »

You don’t feel any shame for asking him that, since as a result the ice broke between you and him.

None of you was close with the other students of your dorm so you spent most of your free time together.

Step by step you discovered Epel’s inner fire, and it was hot pun intended

In spite of his shyness, he could be quite responsive and outspoken when the situation was too much.

He began to open up and talked to you about his insecurities. Specifically, about his own body.

You understood that what was for Pomefiore an asset, was for Savanaclaw a drawback. All the praise was nothing when his own body was telling him he hadn't the capacities.

But some things can't change, so he focused on his magical abilities more than anything else.

It was hard for you to find the right words, but you assumed that sometimes you just need someone to listen to you. You took his hand.

Nothing was really the same after that, from this point there was an unspoken intimacy you two shared.

You held hands and hugged easily. Epel became something more than a friend, he felt closer and soon there was no more words needed for you to understand him. In fact, it felt natural to know.

One evening, while some festivities were taking place in the dormitory, you two apologized and went for a walk in the gardens.

You were chatting on a bench enjoying the coolness of the night. Until a comfortable silence settled between the two of you, and Epel turned to you.

Out of the blue he decided that kissing you was a good idea. yes it fricking was

If you ignore the fact that he withdrew as quickly as he moved forward or the fact that you were so shocked that you almost lost the ability to think properly, it all went pretty well.

The new physical intimacy that came with that kiss was unknown to anyone because of how discreet you were in your pda

He starded to give your little presents more often : carved apple, homemade food and even bouquets if that’s what you like (doesn’t know how to romance but he's not gonna admit defeat let me tell you).

He'd take you flying on his broomstick, he isn’t allowed? Who cares ! For once he can break the rules.

He would use you as an excuse to get away from Pomefiore student, « sorry but my love is waiting » he would said in a polite but slightly smug way

You'd discuss ways to make Pomefiore's uniforms more cool and what should change in the dorm. It would happen most of the time after Vil made a comment that Epel didn’t like.

Kisses in the library between the bookshelves, kisses in the garden, kisses everywhere when no one is around.

The kisses with Epel are such a soft thing, his hair would tickle your face and his hands would slide slowly up to your elbows to cup them.

When the kiss would end, you'd stand a few inches apart and notice the beauty of his eyelashes as his breath would caress your face.

Lilia Vanrouge

It was a hard thing not to notice the strange character that was Lilia Vanrouge.

He could hear your discussions from across the hall, spoke in an archaic way and appeared before you without you seeing him coming.

Actually, that's how you first met him. You were looking for a book in the library and he appeared in your field of vision, the wanted book in his hands.

He introduced himself, asked if you were looking for this book in particular and disapeared after giving it. He literally disapeared. You blinked once and paf ! You were alone.

You understood that what happened wasn’t a dream when he actually called you by your name in potions and asked you to be his partner.

In the first place, you were quite astonished. From what the rumors said Lilia was old, like so-old-I-should-be-dead years old, which means that he is knowleadgeable. Although you surely were not the last in your class, you still didn’t reach his level.

Your regular partner was absent, so you had no reason to say no.

It was difficult to know if he was good or bad at potions because he could propose an ideal solution and then he would assume that « perphaps if we add that the result would be better » (spoilers, it didn’t work but at least the final result didn’t change too much)

Since, he continued to appear unexpectedly next to you, only to disappear the minute you looked away. It was entertaining so you didn’t mind.

« Good evening. I was wondering...is the answer to question number 15 « the heart of a legendary beast »?

Yes, it is…Hey Lilia, as you can see I’m on cleaning duty and it would be nice if you could h-

Thank you very much, it is always a pleasure to discuss with you » and he disapeared the basta-

You would soon start to have tea together, it kind of happened naturally. He asked you once and the invitations never stopped.

At least that's what you would have wished for.

You didn’t get any explanations, from one day to the next he stopped talking to you. There was no more funny stories over tea, no more surprise appearances, not even a glance at you.

Three weeks, three weeks of being ignored. Who can blame you if you were mad at him ?

His absence made you realize many things, the first being how much he had become an essential part of your daily life. It was strange not to talk to him anymore, there was a kind of mourning inside you when you were seeing him, as if he was the ghost of a loved one.

Then, you got a letter from one of your roommates. Because apparently, Mr. Vanrouge didn't have the guts to give it in person.

You've never read such a letter from Lilia before. It was short, to the point and didn't even have a cheap joke as usual. It was for the better, you couldn't bear it if he had acted like nothing happened.

He didn't look up at you when you came to sit in front of him. You waited for him to make the first move.

« Look, I think you're aware that my appearance doesn't match my real age. This kind of advantage is not without a price, I have loved and suffered a lot because no matter what I do ,the end remains the same. Even today, in my darkest moments, I wonder if love is worth if, in the end, I find myself carrying such pain. Some of my loved ones have told me that when they find themselves on the brink of the grave, no matter how much pain our relationship has brought them, they will have no regrets. And it is to honour the memory of those people whose voices I have forgotten that I come to talk to you. What we have between us at the moment may just be a passing infatuation, but I know too well where it's going to lead us. That’s why before we go too far, I need to see your point of view on love. For me, love isn't easy, it's not constant happiness that solves all your problems. It's a complex thing that can pull you down as well as up… I’ve been a bit dramatic on the edges but you need to understand that even if loads of relationships don’t last till the end of a life, ours is bound to be harder. »

You were puzzled. This Lilia was different from the one you learned to know, he was dead serious and his saddened look made you feel a little bit ashamed that you didn’t think about how he felt.

« As you said, loads of relationships don’t last till the end and it’s fine. We don’t need to rush things and we don’t need to think about our future for now. It sounds reckless but to answer what you said : yes, it is worth it. »

You never thought you'd start your relationship with Lilia this way but, oh well here you go.

Everything was the same as before but better. He still appeared where you least expected it but now he hugged you from behind which almost gave you a heart attack multiple times.

Lilia loves passionately. He gives without expecting anything in return and has no reserve with his feelings. He is candid, not hesitating to say what is wrong as well as what is right.

It’s hard to be bored with him. He has always an idea to entertain you or something to tell.

He's quite reserved when it comes to kissing, it's a little dated but for him it's more decent to do it within four walls.

But once in private, that's a different story.

His lips would run through yours, he would take the lead and hold you close to him, it's impossible not to be out of breath after his kisses.

There's a melancholy running through you that you can't explain when he embraces you. It makes you feel small in the face of Lilia's longevity. You can almost feel the dust of those former loves on your fingertips, and one day you’ll be one of them. And Lilia will remember you, because there are some things you can’t forget entirely.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #epel felmier #epel felmier x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons

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worldwidemochiguy · 5 years

Note

Hello! Can I have yandere bts reactions to you going insane? ♥️

thanks for requesting!! i hope you enjoy lol (also if u wanna be bias wrecked/just wrecked in general scroll down to the hobi gif bc hot damn)

Namjoon

Namjoon would be fascinated by the change in your psyche, affected after years of manipulation, coercion and isolation. There was nothing that interested him more than trying to figure you out, and now that you had a new level of complexity to your thoughts, it was a whole new challenge. Namjoon didn’t see you as a sick woman who needed help, he saw you as an experiment, and now that you had no chance of successfully escaping, you were all his to study, forever.

“Darling! How are you feeling today, hmm? … no response? Interesting. You responded yesterday. Maybe I should give you a little punishment, and then see if you will be more willing to greet me? Ah, now you respond. Very good, darling. Now come and give me a kiss.”

Jin

Jin never meant for it to go this far. Despite his cold, often harsh demeanour, Jin really did love you, or at least as close to love as was possible for him. He just wanted you to be perfect, like he knew you could be… little did he know, the constant criticism and degradation would push you over the edge. Now, you were just a mere shell of your former self, staring into the distance with an empty expression. Jin never knew how much he had loved the light in your eyes until he extinguished it. He continues to care for you even though you barely register his presence, as a twisted way to make amends for what he did to you.

“Good morning, baby. I missed you so much! But well done for managing to sleep through the night! You’re my perfect girl. I never told you that enough while you could hear me, but I’m telling you now, so please listen. Oh, Y/n, please, can you hear me? Y/n? Oh god, what did I do to you?”

Yoongi

Even though your sanity had departed you, and you could barely look at him long enough to recognise his face, blinded by the mad light that was forever present in your eyes, Yoongi still loved you like he had the day he saw you. Something as petty as sanity would never be allowed to come between the two of you. Yoongi became adept at caring for you during your hysterical episodes, removing all the knives from the house after an incident where you managed to stab him. He installed padding in all the rooms, unwilling to confine you to just one, after all, that was what practically caused this mess in the first place. You were always, first and foremost, Yoongi’s wife, and he refused to treat you as lesser.

“Aish, Princess, be careful with that knife. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, it’s okay, I don’t mind, but you could injure yourself if you aren’t careful. C’mon princess, how about we go back to your special room and I give you some sleepy medicine, huh? Now, Princess, please don’t struggle, you know I hate to see you in pain.”

Hoseok

Once Hoseok finally realised your mind had been irrevocably changed, he saw no other option. It was all that bastard’s fault in the first place, your ex husband who had burst in with your former child in his arms, screaming that Hoseok had to release you because you had a ‘family’. Of course, Hoseok soon rectified that. He hadn’t realised that he had left your door unlocked, allowing you to wait in hiding and witness the death of your ex husband and child. You were quite squeamish, so it had sent you into a bit of a fuss. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to bring you out of it, and by the time Hoseok realised there was something seriously wrong with you mentally, you were too far gone to receive meaningful help. Hoseok could think of only one solution. He put a bullet through your damaged brain, watching your corpse wilt for a second before shoving the barrel of the gun in his own mouth and pulling the trigger.

“We need to start over, it will be better this way, Angel. I know you can’t really understand me right now, but that’s exactly why I’m doing this! I’ll find you in the next life, I promise. You will be mine again…”

Jimin

Jimin has not known a moments happiness since he opened that cell door only to see your blank face staring back at him, all awareness and individuality leached out of your expression, leaving behind an empty husk of what you once were. Jimin had left you in isolation for a little too long after he saw you talking to another man. You had deserved it! But, he felt regret flood him the moment he realised what these actions born of anger would cost him. No matter what he did, you didn’t respond. It was like you weren’t even alive. Jimin cried, pleaded, even promised to release you if you talked to him, but you didn’t bat an eyelash. The only benefit was that you no longer put up a fight to any of Jimin’s advances, but it all felt hollow when Jimin remembered he would never hear your laugh, or see your beautiful smile ever again. Not that you had smiled that much at him before, of course.

“Baby? Baby?! Oh no… nononono, PLEASE answer me! Baby? Don’t do this to me!! I’m sorry! I should never have left you alone for so long, but please, don’t do this to me! Come back to me!! I need you!”

Taehyung

The moment Taehyung saw that light in your eyes, the flicker of insanity behind your pupils that declared you were willing to do anything just for the sake of it, he smiled gleefully. It was like looking into a mirror. Finally, he had someone who understood how un-understandable he was, who would never try to contain him again. You were perfect for him, you kept his life interesting, he loved finding out new ways to intrigue you, from inspecting corpses, to playing with live rats and listening to them squeal, to simply watching fish swim about in a tank. You were so unpredictable, he loved it. He loved how unique the two of you were, a perfect mismatched pair. It was completely worth all the blood, sweat and tears it had taken to get you to that stage. Admittedly, the blood and tears were mostly yours, but still.

“Oh, Princess, what game have you been playing today? Uh oh, you’ve made a mess! Silly girl, do you want me to punish you? …Hmm, it seems you’re in one of your quiet moods again today, Princess. No worries, I’m sure I can make you scream for me eventually!”

Jungkook

To be honest, Jungkook didn’t really care that you had gone insane. If anything, it was just more convenient for him. You no longer tried to escape, you no longer tried to hurt yourself, you no longer lied and said you hated him. You just sat there vacantly, pretty and perfect, waiting for him to get home. He has to admit, he does miss your cute little squirming as you pretended to put up a fight when he tried to be intimate with you, just like he’d miss your pretty sobs as he pounded away inside you, claiming you and making you his. But, at the end of the day, you were Jungkook’s possession, something of his to use to satisfy himself, an ornament to sit still and pretty and ready for whenever Jungkook wanted you. Now that you were finally complacent, Jungkook wasn’t going to complain, especially given how beautiful your blank face looked as he came all over it.

“Fuck, baby, you’re mine. You’re so pretty and dumb, look at you, you can’t even speak. You need me. You can’t even say no, you’re so fucking stupid. But that’s okay, baby, because I’ll always take care of you so you won’t ever have to think at all.”

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sweetaspiesammy · 3 years

Note

Ok so I just accidentally sent this to @ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty even though it was meant for you (thanks tumblr mobile and my inability to pay attention before hitting send):

“I can recommend so many better scary movies than that (if you’d actually watch them)” - ok, while I am not involved in this convo, I am a scary movie aficionado and would love to hear your recs! I have watched so many good and bad scary movies because I will give almost anything in that genre a try and I am always looking for recommendations since most people rec the same handful of movies so I’m always on the lookout for something new!

Feel free to get involved! I’ve been bugging becky to watch my fave scary movies for like a week so I think it’s obvious I wanna talk about scary movies lol so I’m happy to share some!

One thing to note is I lean more towards psychological thrillers as opposed to ghost/demon/jump scare movies, but anyway, here’s some recs:

Gotta start with the entire SAW (2004-2010) franchise (excluding jigsaw and spiral) which is fucking incredible. They movies aren’t scary in a boo-ghost jump-scare kinda way, but they’re high intensity and gory af for people who like that. Not to mention there’s a really fascinating storyline that links everything together, well-written complex characters, and an amazing plot twist with every movie. I could not recommend them more and they’re genuinely my favorite movies of all time. I’ve watched all 7 movies 3 times over the past 2 months showing them to different friends and I was just as entertained every time if that’s any indication of how good they are

Se7en (1995) is another one of my all time faves. A lot of people have seen or at least know of it (“what’s in the boxxxxx”), but I think it’s one everyone has to watch at least once. It’s got a really interesting case with a lot of fucked up moments. It’s just an iconic thriller movie. Both Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman give (at least what I think) is some of their best performances in this movie

Kristy (2014) is one I watched expecting it to be another B rated horror movie that me and my friends could make fun of, but it was actually so fucking good. It’s thriller more than horror but it’s really captivating. It’s one that makes your heart race. The concept is something I had never seen before and it’s still one of my fave scary movies

Kiss the Girls (1997) is one of the first R-rated horror movies I was allowed to watch and just wow. I thought it was scary but so cool. Definitely not the best for a kid but when I rewatched when I was older I was able to truly appreciate the storytelling. It was really captivating and even though it’s a little slow moving at times, it makes up for it with adrenaline rush scenes. Also another Morgan Freeman movie where he plays a cop (like in se7en) but he does it really well. Fun fact it’s also the first time I saw Morgan freeman without grey hair lol

Us (2019) is one I think a lot of people have seen, but I still have to rec is bc oh my god it was so good. I saw it in theaters and nothing compares to the feeling of watching a movie that intense and having everyone be silent with anticipation. I’ve seen it so many times and I get chills every time I watch it. It has a few really good plot twists and Jordan Peele is an incredible director

Get Out (2017) is another Jordan Peele movie that I know a lot of people know but still deserves to be on the list. It’s suspense levels are off the charts and once your realize what’s happening your heart is racing and your mind is fucked

Scream (1996) isn’t scary to me but it’s a really good slasher movie which fits my theme of thrillers. It’s just a classic and everyone need to watch it lol

Pet (2016) was another one I watched with friends planning to make fun of, but it ended up being really creepy and fucked up. It starts off as your typical psychological horror with creepy man who’s obsessed with a girl but oh boy it’s so much more than that

The Ward (2010) gives me chills even when I just think about it. It takes you in so many different directions and your heart just races the entire time. It has easily one of the best plot twists in a horror movie that I’ve ever seen

The Den (2013) freaked me the fuck out. One of the few times I was actually unable to sleep bc of watching something. It’s centered around a webcam chat thing (kinda like omegle) so it felt very realistic to me and just… go watch it. If this was a list in rank order instead of random order this one would be closer to the top

Hush (2016) is yet another one I watched expecting to be able to make fun of, but it was awesome. It starts a little slow but it’s got a very fast pace through the whole movie once it gets going. It’s also really cool since the main character is disabled, which is not something you usually see and spoiler alert: she kicks ass

The Pact (2012) is one I haven’t watched in a long time but still comes to mind when thinking about horror movies. Mainly bc of the plot twist which blew my mind at the time. I felt on edge through most of the movie and was one of my favorites for a while

Insidious (2010) is one of the few on this list where it’s an entity and while I find a lot of ghost/demon movies laughable, this one actually creeps me out. It’s yet another high intensity movie and has a lot of creepy moments that makes it hard to watch in the dark

The Woman in Black (2012) was another really good one that freaked me out. It’s been a long time since I watched it but I remember that it was slow paced but creepy as fuck

Circle (2015) has a really unique concept and is very high intensity. I find it really interesting since it takes place in a single location most of the movie and while the characters don’t get much of a backstory, you still somehow feel for a lot of them. It’s not horror or even thriller in the conventional way so if you like stuff like that I think this is a good one to watch

Since 15 seems like enough/a lot so I’ll cap it here, but if you (or anyone else honestly) end up liking some of these and want more recs feel free to ask and I’ll come up with some more <3

#asks #movie recs #I accidentally spent almost an hour on this oops

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crystaljins · 5 years

Text

Take a chance. | 04

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 11.6K

Synopsis: You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: LOL i forgot to put an author’s note! THanks for reading and hope you enjoy what I think is the most entertaining chapter of this fic

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

“How was your sleep?” Taehyung asks you cheerily over breakfast the next morning. You had been unable to rouse Jungkook, and had simply given up and left him to keep sleeping until checkout time. He had looked oddly adorable, curled up in the blanket and his face relaxed and peaceful. Something in your chest had hurt at the sight and you’d decided that a bit of extra sleep was good for him in his condition. Beside Taehyung, Minah is half-asleep, looking significantly less perky and cheerful than she usually does. She’s almost dead to the world as she robotically raises a forkful of eggs to her mouth.

“It was fine.” You say with a smile. It was more than fine- you had a wonderful time with Jungkook the night before. Even just the recollection of lying shoulder to shoulder with him makes you want to smile. Perhaps for the first time, you don’t regret agreeing to plan this wedding. You’re in such a good mood it would take a lot to drag you down right now. “I very rarely accompany clients on their overnight trips, so it was nice to mix things up a little.”

“Jungkook didn’t kick you or anything? When we had sleepovers when we were kids, he had this atrocious habit of sleepwalking.” Taehyung says, chuckling fondly at the memory. You bite back a smile as you picture it yourself.

“I can imagine that would have been very stressful.” You comfort him and he shakes his head. He jerks his fork in the direction of his near-comatose fiancée. “My brother used to sleepwalk, so we had to lock all the doors every night or he’d end up down the street.”

“It was, but I’m used to it- Kook and Minah are poor sleepers. She kicks the covers everywhere and there’s been a few times we’ve had to go to the ER because she’s fallen off the bed and hit her head.” Taehyung complains. “I feel like most of my teenage years were spent babysitting these two.”

That drags out a genuine laugh from you, but you also find yourself bubbling with curiosity.

“The three of you seem so close.” You comment, wondering how to word your question without giving away what you know. “It must have been strange for Jungkook, to have his two best friends suddenly in a relationship.”

Taehyung’s expression darkens and he begins to roll a grape around his plate using his fork.

“It was.” He says, though his tone is slightly guarded. “It was actually one of the biggest obstacles to us being together- we’re the only family Kook has left, and I guess we were both scared that he’d feel like he was no longer welcome if we were to be together.”

You bite your lip contemplatively. Minah has nodded off and is now slumped against the table while lightly snoring.

“How… how did you overcome that?” You ask. Only because you know that inadvertently they’d done exactly what they were afraid of doing. Looking and Minah and Taehyung, you realise the true tragedy of their situation- as much as they love each other, was there ever a way for them to be together without hurting Jungkook? And the reality is so much worse than they could have ever imagined- they probably hadn’t even considered Hanahaki as a possible outcome, considering it’s not the most common disease in the world. Perhaps they wouldn’t be together if they’d known.

“Hmmm…” Taehyung ponders. “It certainly wasn’t easy. Every time I thought ‘She’s the only one for me’, I’d just remember Jungkook and I wouldn’t be able to say anything to her. I felt so strongly though… and I took a chance. And I guess it all worked out, because here we are.” His smile is peaceful and filled with an unbridled joy that makes your heart ache. In answer, the smile you’d had slides off your face. The good mood you’d found yourself in evaporates like mist on a warm day.

Taehyung and Minah both have no idea that currently their happiness is balanced on the edge of a knife. If Jungkook’s condition worsens, or if one day they stumble upon him in one of his weaker moments… They won’t go through with their wedding. It’s something you realise as Taehyung moves on to fondly recount the time that he broke his arm and both Jungkook and Minah had cried the whole way to the hospital. They love Jungkook. You’ve seen it over the past month and you’re seeing it now in the way that Taehyung talks. And if they were to ever know the truth, they’d be forced to choose: Each other, or Jungkook. What sort of choice is that, to be forced to make?

That’s what Jungkook has been trying to prevent this entire time, you realise. That’s why he’s been slowly letting himself die- for the happiness of these two people. You feel sick- though it’s with good intentions, you’re both lying to these people. And yet the alternative is breaking up a trio of friends who have been together since they were kids. Who have faced the difficulties of life together and plan to continue facing them together. And Jungkook is your friend, your co-worker, your friend, and your colleague, and the man who helped you pick yourself up when you had hit rock bottom all those years ago. His happiness and health is what is important to you and now he is the ticking time bomb at the centre of it all, ready to go off at any moment. Unless…

“Are you ok?” Taehyung asks, interrupting your train of thought and leaning forward in concern. “You suddenly look really pale.”

You flinch and school your features into a practiced smile, the one you reserve for difficult clients. And aren’t these two the most difficult clients you’ve ever had? You clear your throat.

“I’m fine. I just bit my tongue.” You lie smoothly. You get to your feet and nearly knock your juice over. “Shall we get going? We have a lot to do.” You urge. “I’ll go wake Jungkook.”

Taehyung nods and smiles, opting to stay with Minah as she sleepily finishes her breakfast. It is only when you are safely out of view that you let the smile on your face crack. You’ve realised something, though. You have to help Jungkook. You can’t explain the compulsion to do so- you just remember his face last night as he had smiled at you and you are gripped with desperation. And there is a method, a solution to this whole complex situation that can prevent anyone from being hurt:

If Jungkook can get better without forgetting Minah.

When you’d asked Jungkook if he could come by your apartment on your first day off after the trip, he’d thought it was to celebrate Minah and Taehyung finally booking a venue. He knows it had been a harrowing few weeks with the two being so indecisive, and after seeing the layout of the garden, he’d known it was because of him that they’d been so difficult. Perhaps you’d been feeling guilty towards him- you’d been a bit strange after that night he’d declared the two of you friends. You hadn’t treated him any differently, or anything extreme like that, you’d just been distracted. It makes him fearful that maybe he crossed some sort of boundary by trying to be your friend. But whatever the reason, he’d assumed you’d sorted it when you asked him to come over, and he’d even brought along some food as a peacekeeping technique for good measure.

But when you open the door, you look like you’re anything but celebrating. In five years, Jungkook has never seen you anything less than pristine. Hair and makeup done, pantsuit ironed, office in order and perfectly punctual. He’s always felt a little embarrassed, what with his messy hair and stained business shirts, standing next to you because somehow, you’ve always been so put together. But currently, you’re the messy one. Your hair is unwashed and pulled into a messy bun that can’t contain all the strands, you’re wearing an old, faded tshirt with ketchup stains on it, you don’t have any makeup on and your apartment. He can only just glimpse it behind your figure, but it looks like a hurricane has gone through it.

“Are you… ok?” Jungkook asks when he finally recovers from the shock. You glance behind you and frown, like you hadn’t even noticed it.

“I’m fine.” You say dismissively, leading him into the living room of your apartment. You have the Netflix selection screen open, but it doesn’t look like you were watching anything. Mostly because of the papers scattered across every flat surface of your living room, on the coffee table, on the couch, spread across the floor. “I have something to say to you.”

Jungkook stares incredulously at the mess around him. Being organised and neat and a little cute about it has always been your thing, as a wedding planner. You were the kind of person to use those pink paperclip hearts instead of normal ones and to have a string of bunting decorating your office for no reason other than the aesthetics. Something must be seriously wrong for your apartment to be like this.

“Is it that you were abducted by aliens?” He questions. “Did you want to induce me into the weird cult you’ve joined?”

You snort and shake your head- he’s noticed you’re a little more playful and less guarded around him since becoming friends. As his boss, you were warm but always professional, a little too serious for your own good, but as his friend you smile a lot more and are more receptive to his jokes. It’s… nice. Unexpected but nice.

“No.” You blink and then look around as if registering the state your apartment is in for the first time. “Although… I can kind of see why you’d think that. No, these are papers that Namjoon sent me.”

“Your brother?” Jungkook asks, setting down the plastic bag of snacks on top of a stack of papers resting on the coffee table. “Why is he sending you papers? Are you considering another career change?”

He gathers a stack of papers on the couch and pushes it aside so that he can settle comfortably amongst the cushions. As he does, he glimpses the title of one- ‘A retrospective review of 162 individuals with Hanahaki treated with cognitive therapy’. He squints at it uncomprehendingly for a moment before waving the paper at you.

“You’re researching… Hanahaki?” He questions, though internally he feels uneasy. He’s not sure why- just the thought of you worrying about his disease when it’s supposed to be his problem makes him feel deeply uncomfortable. You seem to pick up on his concern.

“I wanted to see if there was any other way for you to be cured.” You confess.

He understands- he does. He totally gets and appreciates that you’re trying to help him, but he went down that path when he was first diagnosed. He had visited doctors in secret, begging them for a way to be cured without anyone ever discovering the truth. They’d all, after a cursory physical exam and history, had explained that he would likely need some very aggressive therapy to be cured, and recommended hypnotherapy as the quickest and most painless way of doing so. Apparently forgetting Minah was the only way for the disease to lose its grip on him.

“(Y/N),” He says softly, prepared to break the bad news, news that he’d already accepted a year ago after his fourth doctor’s visit. “You know I can’t forget her…” He tries to explain to you gently, and you shake your head.

“Wait, wait.” You protest. “I know that. And I know why you can’t.” You tell him rapidly, and then you’re moving frantically around the room, sorting through the papers. You’re clearly looking for something. “But I know that it wouldn’t make them happy to know you were suffering either, and that’s so not what you want for them, I’m sure.” You continue to explain. You scuttle over to the paper stack next to his legs and begin shuffling through them. “So I spoke to Namjoon, to see if there was any way for you to be treated, and he said, hypothetically, that if you fell out of love with Minah, then you wouldn’t have to forget her. He said that conservative therapy is supposed to do that and that’s his aim with your treatment, but there’s no harm in trying other, less medical methods as treatment since Hanahaki doesn’t have a physical cause.”

You pause there, distracted by what’s written on the haphazardly scattered sheets. Jungkook feels a strange feeling, watching you sit amongst the mess you had made for him. Perhaps… gratefulness? It’s difficult to find a name for the almost fond feeling he’s experiencing.

“So then what’s with the mess?” He finally asks, aware of the way he feels like there’s something buzzing in his stomach. You pause and squint at him.

“Well, I was trying to prove that it could be done- that if we could hypothetically help you get over Minah, then you wouldn’t have to forget her.” You explain. “And there’s a lot of debate whether it can be done because everything about this disease is so poorly understood and human feelings of love are so complex and probably one of the greatest mysteries of life.” You finally produce a single paper from the stack and brandish it triumphantly. “Here it is!” You cry. “There is one instance of someone recovering spontaneously from Hanahaki. The general academic opinion is that because Hanahaki is rare enough, and humans are so complex, the only effective way to ensure all romantic feelings are removed - which is the duty of a doctor treating a patient- is through the existing treatment options. But some individuals are capable of getting over someone completely without treatment. There’s even speculation that the incidence of Hanahaki may be much higher than suspected because the early stages where it’s just one or two petals and people get over the feelings that cause it quickly enough that they don’t bother to go to the doctor.” You explain, almost breathlessly. It’s difficult to understand your words because you’re speaking so quickly- he registers the presence of numerous mugs with coffee stains on the insides of the brims and the way your hands shake slightly with a caffeine high.

“Did you stay up all night?” He asks. He’d assumed the dark circles under your eyes were just him being unused to you without makeup, but now he’s not so sure. Maybe your unkempt appearance is for an entirely different reason.

“Maybe.” You admit, but you wave your hand in a dismissive manner and begin to skim through the paper you’d finally found. “That’s not important. What’s important is that this man, in this article, proves that it can be done. That you can be cured without complete ruining Minah and Taehyung’s wedding.”

You always seem to have this unique ability to render him speechless. He’s quiet by nature, often opting to remain silent in a situation that he could be speaking up in, but it’s not because he has nothing to say. More often it’s that he’s holding back what he’s actually thinking. But with you, you seem to tear the very ability to speak from his mouth. He never knows what you’re going to do or how you’re going to react to something. And this is one of those moments- like he suddenly has a mouthful of ice, no words will come.

Instead, he feels something. Warm and bright and enlivening- hope. He hadn’t realised how the Hanahaki had made every bone in his body feel like it had been turned to ice until this exact moment, where heat floods his entire being from his chest all the way out to his fingertips.

“It won’t be easy, and it’s not 100%.” You hastily amend, seeing the way that Jungkook has gone deathly quiet. “It’s a shot in the dark, but it’s better than nothing. And these aren’t substitutes for your sessions with Namjoon, either. Think of it like a side project or homework from Namjoon’s sessions.”

“What are you suggesting we do though?” He asks, and his voice has dropped to a breathless rasp.

You smile in response and produce a printed webpage from the top of another stack of papers- it’s a wikihow article. In bold letters across the top it declares How to get over your ex. Jungkook stares at it in confusion for a moment before accepting it from your hands.

“Recovering from a breakup is always hard.” He reads aloud. “There’s always a lot of emotional baggage to deal with and it can be hard to bounce back… This is supposed to help me get better?”

“It helped me.” You admit, and there’s a slight pout to your lips that is surprisingly charming and yet completely at odds with what he’s known of you, as a proper, put-together business woman. “When… when he broke up with me. I used that article to get over him.”

Jungkook knows who the he is, of course. Your ex-fiancé. When you first met him, you’d talked about the guy. You’d shared stories absent-mindedly as you cleaned glasses and mixed drinks while he sulked at the bar counter. It was a relatively quiet bar and he was unemployed at the time, so he had been there almost every night, avoiding Minah, not wanting to face Taehyung’s nagging, and just generally feeling sorry for himself and his inability to find a job. You’d never seemed sad or bitter about it- there had always been a fond nostalgia as you recalled the man in question, despite the freshness of the breakup. For five years it has never occurred to him that maybe you hadn’t gotten over things as easily as he thought you had, and for five years he’s never thought to ask.

“Did… did it work?” He asks. You stare at the article, squinting at it like you’re unsure.

“Well… I suppose it must have.” Is what you say. “Because I don’t feel sad when I think about him anymore.”

That makes Jungkook smile for reasons he’s not sure of. It also makes him think- maybe following the instruction in a wikihow article won’t be so bad, if it’s with you.

“What’s the first step, then?” He asks. You smile brightly and gesture to the Netflix selection screen.

Step 1: Let yourself grieve and process the emotions properly

Too often we force ourselves to move on too quickly. If we don’t allow ourselves to properly grieve then it is difficult to find closure after a breakup. Buy yourself your favourite foods, make a nice cosy spot for yourself at home, and let yourself have a good cry. If you can’t cry on your own, maybe watching sad movies will help you get it out.

A few hours and one quick clean-up of your living space later, Jungkook finds himself blinking in confusion at the credit’s scene. He’d had his doubts when you first suggested you watch Cars together, since it didn’t sound like it would be a sad movie. But he’d also never seen the movie before and had had to take your word for it. It was a good movie, with emotional moments for sure, but it definitely didn’t fall into the category of ‘sad’. It had been a poor plan from the start- he’s not really the type to cry in movies, anyway.

He turns to where you’re seated beside him on the couch, prepared to tell you as much. But he finds the words dying in his throat as he registers your facial expression. You’re devastated- tears pour down your face. Your expression is scrunched like he just told you that your cat died. It’s so baffling, that someone like you would be so torn up over a kid’s movie.

For moment, he can only stare in wonder. You’re such an enigma- one moment you’re a firm, no-nonsense businesswoman, the next you’re the kind of person who genuinely cries in movies and uses gel pen in her planner because it looks cuter. He takes in the way your face is twisted and tears continue to roll down your cheeks. But then suddenly you’re turning to look at him and he flinches away, hiding his face before you can see the expression.

“Well?” You ask him. “How do you feel? Was having a cry therapeutic? Was it a sad movie? I think for me the race scene is always what gets me.” At that last sentence your voice chokes up and he knows even without looking that a fresh wave of tears has rolled down your face.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he does what he does next. There’s literally not a single rational reason for his next move but it happens- he releases a fake sniffle. He’s facing away from you, but if he were to turn around, he knows the glow of the television would give away the fact that there’s no tears on his face. He makes a point of exaggeratedly wiping at the non-existent tears on his face.

“It was.” He rasps. He should win an Oscar for his acting. “Thank you, (Y/N).” He adds in another sniffle for good measure.

He’s surprised when he feels your arms snake around his middle and feels your cheek rest against his back, right between his shoulder blades. Your body is warm where it presses softly against him and he feels his face heat for some reason.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed for crying, Jungkook.” You tell him and he feels the vibrations of your voice against him. “Especially not in front of me.”

“Thank you.” Is all he says. And in the darkness, you never do discover Jungkook’s deception or that the first step in your plan was a failure. But you also never get to see the way a warm, fond smile spreads across Jungkook’s face.

“ Step 2: Remind yourself that you have options

While it’s very important that you avoid rebounding fresh after a breakup, it’s important too to remind yourself that you have options. Build self-confidence. This may involve dressing up nicely and going out with friends. Whatever makes you feel attractive and comfortable in your skin. A breakup may leave you with questions like “Is there something wrong with me?” or “Am I not worthy of them?” And these questions can be harmful and hurtful to ask yourself. Instead, remember that you are worthy of love, and that someone out there would be lucky to have you. “

Jungkook reads aloud a few days after the movie night, perched on the edge of your bathtub. You are standing while facing him, focusing hard as you fix his appearance. He grimaces as you lean in close to adjust his hair, oblivious to the way your cleavage is eye-level due to your positioning.

“Explain again how going clubbing with Jin is going to achieve any of that.” He complains as you turn away from him momentarily to fidget with something resting beside the sink. When you turn back to him, your fingers are covered in some sort of product that you proceed to smooth through his hair.

“Well,” You say. “The idea is to make you feel confident and to see that there are plenty of people who would want you.” You don’t add the “even if Minah doesn’t” but Jungkook knows that the implication is there. “I don’t want to set you up on a date before you’re ready, but I have a feeling that with the right clothes and hair, you’d be really popular amongst a lot of people- I just want you to know that. And despite what you say, Seokjin knows the clubbing scene quite well. He’s the best person to have along on this kind of outing. And I’m coming too so that Seokjin doesn’t push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Remember our signal- if at any point you want to go home, just come over and smile at me, ok? The point is to have fun, not to feel silly or uncomfortable.”

No matter how Jungkook tries to picture this particular attempt going, he knows with Jin along it will only end in disaster. Either Jin will ditch early in the evening to go home with someone or he’ll spend the whole night making Jungkook wingman for him in increasingly humiliating ways. The only hope for the evening is that you will be there too, but in your current attire he kind of feels more nervous.

You look amazing. You’ve always put-together and well-groomed, but tonight you’ve gone the extra mile. Gone are the pantsuits- tonight you’ve opted for the full clubbing look, complete with styled hair, makeup designed to direct people’s gazes to your lips and a dress that looks so good on you that even he, the man currently dying of hanahaki because he’s that in love with another woman, is being forced to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants whenever you turn away. You don’t even seem to realise how amazing you look.

The doorbell rings and provides him a brief reprieve and a chance to gather his wits as you leave to welcome Jin into your home. What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he get a grip? Why do his lungs keep threatening to go on strike? If he didn’t know any better, he’d say he was about to go into another Hanahaki fit, but the sensation is different. Rather than feeling like something is choking him, he just feels short of breath. Like his heart can’t keep up- especially when you lean in close, oblivious to the way your dress is quite revealing compared to what you’d normally where.

He hears Jin whistle obnoxiously and rolls his eyes. So far, all your plans have been useless and ineffective and yet here he is, letting himself be dragged along. Why is he doing this? He doesn’t really have an answer. To distract himself from questions he’s not ready to ask himself yet, he gets to his feet and examines the clothes you have forced him into. You’d followed him back to his apartment after work and gone through his entire wardrobe before settling on a pair of jeans and a white tshirt. You’d also found a leather jacket that Minah had bought him ages ago and he’d promptly forgotten about and forced him into that. He actually… looks good. Normally his clothes are poorly fitted, and his hair is messy. In his college days, he’d put a lot of effort into his appearance and a lot of girls had liked him. Since then, however, he just hasn’t bothered. Nothing he does gets Minah’s attention anyway, and he still can’t quite get the hang of using an iron. Not to mention that thanks to his sickness, he’s constantly plagued with exhaustion and a lack of energy- putting effort into his appearance just hadn’t seemed worth it.

Looking at himself now, though, he remembers who he used to be. Before starting a business, before meeting you, even before he’d realised the extent of his feelings for Minah. When he was just a stupid college student with his two best friends to look out and care for him. Yeah, at that age he’d already gone through a lot of hardship, having been orphaned at the mere age of 15 and raised by his grandparents since, but he hadn’t wanted to let those tragedies define him. What had followed was a period of his life where he had revelled in the vivacity and excitement that came with being a young adult with minimal responsibilities. Those were probably the days where he was happiness, and he’d forgotten they’d ever existed until this moment. He feels like he’s staring at a stranger, looking in the mirror.

He can have fun tonight. What’s the harm? He suddenly understands the motive behind what you’ve been trying to do- you’re trying to remind him of life outside of Minah. And maybe he can be cured, the more time goes on. Even his sessions with Namjoon haven’t been this helpful or productive, although part of that may have been his own reluctance to be treated. As Namjoon has been constantly telling him, the only way Jungkook can get better is if he has a desire to get better. He swallows roughly and offers himself an awkward smile in the mirror before stepping out into your living room.

Jin ends up dragging the three of you to one of the higher end clubs in the area. As you all stand in line, Jungkook can hear the dull throb of the heavy bass beat radiating from within the club and there are heaps of people dressed in their best and waiting to be allowed in. Jin watches you as you idly fidget with a long, dangling earring and scroll uninterestedly through your phone.

“Don’t you think (Y/N) looks nice, tonight?” He asks Jungkook, leaning in close so that you can’t hear them, not that you are listening anyway. Jungkook blinks before nodding awkwardly.

“Well, she always looks nice.” Jungkook points out. Jin nods and laughs lightly.

“Yes, but you can’t really compare her normal attire to this. If I’d known (Y/N) could dress like that, I would have taken her clubbing with me much sooner.” He admits, tilting his head and blatantly trailing his gaze over your exposed legs and stilettos. It irritates Jungkook, for some reason, seeing Jin eye you like you are a piece of high-end steak rather than his boss.

“Don’t talk about her like that.” He huffs, and rather than get defensive, Jin’s smile widens like he’s just gotten exactly the response he was looking for.

“Why?” Jin presses, and there is something irritating but most definitely troublesome that lurks behind the look in his eyes. “Does it bother you? Do you not like the idea of another man looking at (Y/N) like-“

The bouncer interrupts the conversation before Jin can finish whatever stupid statement was brewing in his mind. He lets you straight through, but he holds up a hand to stop Jungkook and Jin from following and demands they hand over a hefty entrance fee. Jungkook winces as his wallet suddenly feels far too light. On the other side you wait, squinting at the inside of the club like you’ve never seen one before.

“Now,” You say, your tone warning. “This is just to make Jungkook feel more confident about himself, ok, Seokjin? I told you he just needs a little confidence boost- show him how to have a good time and maybe chat up a few girls but no pushing him to do anything he doesn’t want to, ok?”

“Ok mum.” Jin tells you dismissively, already walking past you like you’re an irritating mosquito. He wraps his hand around Jungkook’s wrist and drags him along too. “Go buy us some drinks or something- we have work to do.”

You vanish behind them as Jin pulls him into the crowd where people are already dancing. The crowd seems to pulse with the sultry beat. It’s so heavy and thick Jungkook can feel it pounding in his ribcage, drowning out even the beat of his own heart. Oddly, Jin does not stop at any point to begin dancing- he keeps dragging Jungkook along like he has a specific destination in mind. It quickly becomes clear that Jin has no intention of dancing tonight when he continues to pull Jungkook past the dancefloor and into a quieter booth where the music doesn’t drown out any change at conversation. He settles into the booth and smiles at Jungkook, patting the space next to him.

“At last, a chance to talk properly.” Jin says cheerfully as Jungkook hesitantly follows his lead and slides into the booth beside him.

“I thought we were meant to be meeting girls and-“ Jungkook questions and Jin interrupts him with an amused shake of his head.

“Oh, Kookie, I’m not helping you get with any girls tonight.” He says. “First of all, you can do that on your own. If you need a confidence boost, here it is: You’re a wonderful guy and picking up girls at the club is a stupid way to convince yourself of that, and I’m not sure why (Y/N) thought it would work. But now for my real reason for coming along tonight. I wanted you to realise something about our beloved boss.”

“What?” Jungkook asks, feeling betrayed and uncomfortable despite the fact that Jin was in no way being nasty or mean. He suddenly feels silly coming here, though. Jin jerks his head in the direction of the bar, and Jungkook spots you almost too easily. You’re leaning against the counter, ordering something from the bar tender, but there’s something uncomfortable about the way you hold yourself, no matter how gorgeous your outward appearance is.

“That’s she’s a knockout.” Jin says, matter-of-factly. “To be totally honest, men should be lining up at the door for her. She’s pretty, she’s kind, she’s accomplished. Do you know why they’re not?”

“Why?” Jungkook asks, feelings defensive for some reason. Jin smiles and watches you for a long moment as you gratefully accept your drink and hand over your card to pay.

“Because of you, dear Jungkook.” Jin explains patiently. “Now don’t go looking like I’ve just slapped you with a rotten fish. I mean that in a good way. She’s uninterested in the dating scene already, but pair that with the fact that she started a business with a guy like you, who by all accounts, is sweet, quite clever and occasionally reliable, and men start to feel too insecure to even take a shot.”

“Why are you saying all this?” Jungkook asks. Jin shrugs and leans back in the booth. A group of girls passes by on their way to the bar and start giggling when they see Jin. He merely smiles at them before turning to face Jungkook with a surprisingly serious look on his face.

“Because, Jungkook,” Jin says slowly. “That’s not going to last forever. (Y/N) isn’t a constant in your life like you’ve been treating her. All it would take is for her to meet a nice guy she wants to settle down with and then you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that you missed out on something really great for reasons that even I can’t figure out myself.”

He can’t guess at Jin’s game. What motive does he have, saying all this stuff? Is he trying to scare Jungkook? Currently, all Jungkook has on his mind is to survive until the wedding. Once the wedding happens, he can drop off the radar for a while, maybe get some treatment, maybe not. He’s not got the room or headspace to think beyond that. You don’t factor into anything he’s got planned currently, beyond helping his oldest friends plan their wedding without putting his secret at any further risk.

So why do Jin’s words make him so deeply uncomfortable? Jin has clearly gotten some kind of weird idea in his head, like he’s often prone to doing, and it shouldn’t affect Jungkook at all. It means nothing- you mean nothing to him.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Jin says, getting to his feet and reaching into his back pocket. He pulls out his wallet and slides some money across the table towards Jungkook. “Just think through what I said. I think I’m done for the night and might call it in. Buy (Y/N) and yourself something nice.”

He turns but pauses before he can disappear onto the dance floor.

“By the way, would it bother you if (Y/N) went home with someone tonight?” He asks curiously.

“Why do you ask?” Jungkook responds, oddly defensive and a little pouty. Jin just grins.

“Because I’d do something about that, if it would.” Jin says, and this time he really does vanish into the crowd. Jungkook doesn’t notice though, because he’s too preoccupied with the man who is currently leaning in far too close to where you idly lean at the bar. He’s quite handsome, but you don’t seem to notice. You look bored, only half engaged in the conversation. You probably can’t see Jungkook from where he is seated and are waiting for him to achieve the objective for the night. The man in question looks you up and down in a way that has Jungkook’s skin crawling. He feels nauseous- he’s not sure why. Normally he only feels this way when a particular nasty Hanahaki episode is coming on, and he hasn’t had one today. Perhaps that’s all it is- his body warning him to go home quickly. Regardless, he has no interest in staying a moment longer, especially not with the stranger eyeing you with an intensity that is entirely inappropriate.

Before his mind catches up with his body, he is striding over to you. When you see him, your expression softens. The guy beside you tenses but backs off quickly as Jungkook slots himself beside you and offers him a grin that is probably more of a baring of teeth than a smile.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Seokjin?” You ask. Jungkook shakes his head and offers you a more genuine smile, though it is a weak one. He feels… relieved, now that that other guy has backed off, for some strange reason.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ve had enough. I want to go home.” He says, and that’s really all the convincing that you need.

You don’t find out that the second step was a failure as well.

“ Step 3: Take some time to process your emotions.

This is perhaps the most important step to moving on. You need to ask yourself a lot of questions and do a lot of digging after a breakup. Were you too reliant on your ex? Is there anything you feel you haven’t gotten closure? Taking the time to think through these things can be painful and uncomfortable but until you do this properly you can never truly move on. Try writing them a letter, telling them how you feel and maybe all the things you left unsaid, and then throwing the letter away. This can give you an outlet for figuring things out in a comfortable controlled environment.

Good luck!”

You don’t realise you’ve been staring blankly at the article for far more time than you have to spare until Seokjin interrupts your daydreaming by knocking on the door of your office. You hastily minimise the window and straighten.

“Come in!” You call, fidgeting with some of the papers on your desk. You were supposed to be organising honeymoon details for one of your clients, but you’d somehow gotten side-tracked. You don’t even remember what caused you to look up the article you and Jungkook had been working through for the past couple of weeks.

Seokjin pokes his head in. He had never explained his sudden absence that night in the club and you know you’re probably never going to get the actual truth anyway.

“Did you get the-” He asks and you pinch the bridge of your nose irritably.

“Seokjin, if this is about those texts, then all I can say is please stop sending me the link to the professional dog party planner. I know you like dogs, but exclusively planning dog birthdays is way too niche a market!” You sigh exasperatedly. Seokjin pouts for a moment.

“Harsh.” He says. “But actually not what I was going to ask you about- although don’t think I’ve dropped this matter for good. Actually, I was just trying to say that Jungkook apparently left something for you on your desk and he wanted me to make sure you read it since he had to go look at some dresses with Minah.”

You glance at the clock and are surprised to see that it’s already 4 o’clock. You hadn’t realised you’d lost so much of the day.

“I hadn’t noticed it.” You admit, shuffling through the mess of papers on your desk. A clean white envelope addressed to you in Jungkook’s messy writing slips out amongst the clutter and lands on the floor. “Oh, it’s right here.”

Seokjin nods and smiles.

“Well, then, I’m done for the day. Don’t stay too late, ok, (Y/N)?” He tells you, bidding good-bye with a wave and exiting the office while whistling a tune you don’t recognise. Seri hadn’t come in for the day, since she’d been invited to a wedding for one of her clients so it’s just you in the office. The only task you have remaining for the day is to wrap up organising this couple’s itinerary but for some reason since starting you’ve felt distracted and unproductive. Without realising, your gaze drifts to the envelope Jungkook had left for you. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out its contents.

You’d told him he didn’t have to share the letter he wrote to Minah with you. The final step had been for him to process- he didn’t need you there to help or to pressure him or to turn it into homework. You’d merely said that it was the final thing the article said to do and whenever he was ready, he could sit down and write it and then throw it out. So while you can guess what’s in the envelope fairly easily, it doesn’t mean you’re not surprised to see it resting on your desk, addressed to you. You can only wonder at why he felt the need to have you read it.

You manage to make a little headway into your work but the burning curiosity to know what Jungkook has written cuts more and more into your ability to be productive. Finally, with a tremendous sigh, you can bear it no longer. You know you’re not going to achieve anything when you are as distracted as you are. Instead, you reach for the envelope and carefully peel the flap open, exposing the hand-written letter inside.

“Dearest Minah,

You’re probably surprised to be getting a letter from me, huh? I know I’m not really the letter-writing type but a good friend of mine insisted I do this to help me ‘process’ or whatever. She means well, I suppose, and it’s worth a shot. So here goes… Ha, even though this letter isn’t going to you, it’s harder to write down than I thought it would be. The truth is that I have been lying to you and Taehyung, for a very long time. And I don’t even know where to start with telling you everything, but I guess I can start from the moment I realised just how important you are to me.

Do you remember just after college, when we first found out they were demolishing the old community hall? The one with the garden my mum used to tend, when she was alive? It was when Taehyung was doing that year of study abroad so it was just you and me to deal with that. And I have this really vivid memory of sitting in that garden alone, just missing my mum. I’d felt like nothing in my life ever went right- I couldn’t find a job, I was an orphan, and now they were taking away the one place where I’d always felt happy. And you found me there and sat next to me and I’ll never forget the words you said to me that day- “It’s not places that make us happy or bring us joy. It’s the people in those places- and all three of the people that made this place special are right there in your heart, Kookie. Taehyung, your mum… and me.”

That was the first time that I realised that you’re so much more than a friend to me, Min. You’ve always been the person I go to when things are though, and you’re never too tired or too busy or too stressed to drop everything and pick me back up. You were the person who held me at my mum’s funeral. You were the person to drive me to college and help me move in. And in every moment, I know you hate compliments, but I have to say it: you’ve been beautiful and full of kindness and somehow always smiling. That day was the first day I realised it, but I’ve probably felt that way my entire life- I love you. So much it hurts. So much that it’s killing me.

That’s the secret I’ve been keeping from the two of you. I’ve been dying. For the past year- ever since you and Taehyung started dating. Of Hanahaki. I don’t even know if you’ve heard of it, because it’s not that common. I certainly hadn’t, until the day I started throwing up petals. Apparently, it’s a disease caused by unrequited love I’ll keep coughing up petals until I die. The doctor said I only started vomiting when Taehyung confessed to you because before then I must have subconsciously thought my love was requited. I think that’s what hurts the most about all this- that before Taehyung confessed to you, I always thought it would be you and me. I can remember so many moments where I thought you felt the same- where I thought I had all the time in the world and that one day you’d wake up and decide I was the only guy for you. But you did that with Taehyung.

And I can’t even be mad because I love Taehyung too. He’s my brother, even if he’s not related to me. And the only person I’ve ever met who is as kind and caring as you are is probably him. He’s perfect for you, and you’re perfect for him. The thought of coming between you makes me feel… makes me feel like dirt on the ground. Like I should be trodden on and hated for all eternity. That’s why I couldn’t tell either of you- I knew it would destroy you both. And I know you both would probably call off the wedding the second you find out but that’s not what I want. I didn’t hide this and avoid treatment for an entire year because I don’t want you together, or because I want you to be miserable. I did it because you two are the two most important people to me on this planet.

I didn’t mean to lie to you, for so long. I’m so sorry- I know it’ll ruin you to find out. The day I was diagnosed I went straight to your apartment to tell you, but you were on a date with Taehyung. I’d used your spare key to get in and I was going to tell you and him both, straight away. But… the two of you were slow dancing together and I… I’ve never seen you look that way before. You… you both looked so happy. And I couldn’t bring myself to come between that. I didn’t want to lose either of you and I knew telling you would mean giving up my two best friends.

The purpose of this letter was to help me “process” what I felt. I tried really, really hard to get over you. A friend of mine (You can probably guess who considering I don’t have that many friends) and I tried all these ridiculous methods to help me get over you, and the funny thing is that for a moment, I’d really thought they’d worked. I didn’t vomit for three whole days but then right as I sat down to write this letter, I had an awful episode. And she tried so hard, but for some reason my body refuses to get better. The doctors must be right- they told me I need hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy means that I have to forget both you and Taehyung… and I can’t bring myself to do that. That would be erasing every happy memory I’ve ever had. I think the cost of getting better is too high. I don’t know what to do. I want to get better, yet the only way is to say goodbye? Is there no way to save us?”

There’s a massive break in the writing here, and then the pen colour changes, like Jungkook had stopped and come back and written this later. It’s addressed to you, to your surprise.

“ (Y/N), thank you for trying. I know you meant well, and I know you tried your best. Thank you for caring enough to want me to get better- thank you for everything. I actually had a lot of fun trying, even if it didn’t work in the end. Please don’t be sad about this! But I think that what’s best for now, is if we just focus on planning the wedding, and we can figure out what to do after. I know you want to help, and the way you can help is just by being you. By being the fantastic friend and co-worker that you are.

I have to go now, because I’ve got plans with Minah and Taehyung, but I’m going to send this letter to you, even though you said you didn’t have to read it. I want you to know the full story and why I made this decision, and I’d really like if you supported me in it.

Thank you again.

-Jungkook.”

A droplet of water lands on the letter and spreads outwards- the ink beneath it bleeds as it soaks into the paper. Steadily, more drops begin to land on the page and the words blur and start to lose their meaning. You slowly reach your hand up to your face and it is only then that you register that there are tears pouring down your face. You’re not even sure why you’re crying. Is it because your plan to save Jungkook failed? But you knew from the start that the chances were miniscule- that it was a shot in the dark to even try.

Up until now, you’d secretly wondered what was so special about Minah for Jungkook to be dying for her. Was it her looks? Her sweet personality? It’s been so long since you’ve even thought about love that you can’t, for the life of you, fathom Jungkook’s decision. Or at least, you couldn’t. After reading this letter, you understand. You can see his love for her in every pen stroke. In the way his letters go wobbly and almost illegible at the parts where it was harder for him to admit things. In the stories he chose to share. You understand Jungkook’s situation, and you knew the plan was just something to give the two of you hope and probably wouldn’t succeed… So why are you crying? Are you upset that he’s accepted what you already knew? Or is it uglier… are you upset that his feelings for Minah are so strong that he can’t move on?

You don’t have an answer.

“I feel like we haven’t hung out like this in ages.” Minah sighs, and the expression on her face is serene as she loops her arm around Jungkook’s. This close, he can smell her perfume, and some of her hair catches on his shoulder as she flips it carelessly out of the way. “We’ve been so busy with wedding stuff that there hasn’t been any time to just hang.”

“We’ve hung out.” Jungkook protests. He allows her to semi-drag him down the street even though her full height barely reaches his shoulder. “What about when we went out to dinner the other night?”

Minah frowns and shakes her head.

“Tae and (Y/N) were there. It doesn’t count. And it was to discuss a date for the bridal shower.” She complains. “And you didn’t say a single word the whole night! I’d have thought you’d lost your voice if you hadn’t ordered twice the amount of food everyone else did.”

“I was hungry.” He grumbles. Minah laughs and shakes her head fondly.

“You always did eat a lot. I’ll have to speak to (Y/N) about getting you extra servings at the reception dinner.” She says. She glances around. “Hmmm… anyway, it should be somewhere around here…”

She pauses and turns around the street, her large eyes scanning the names of the boutiques that line the sidewalk the two of them currently stroll down. It’s definitely one of the more expensive areas in town- the only time Jungkook has ever been here was when the Seri’s car broke down and she needed someone to drive her to the cake-tasting appointment she had booked. Finally, Minah’s eyes settle on the place she’s been looking for. The awning and walls are painted white and trimmed in a way that is reminiscent of a wedding cake. In silver letters across the sign, it declares “Bridal Beauty” and three pure white mannequins decked out in floor-length wedding dresses sit in the display window.

“There it is!” She crows excitedly, urging Jungkook to walk a little faster. It makes him smile, her eagerness. That’s how she always is- filled with an excitement and joy for life that no one else can match. “Ok, Jungkook, listen up.” She declares, placing her hands on her hips and trying to look imposing. She doesn’t succeed- she needs more height than the heels she currently wears can lend her, if she wants to be the slightest bit intimidating. And maybe the soft pink lipstick and round eyes and carefully curled hair do not help as well. “I know that you don’t know a thing about fashion, and you’re just going to sit there all bored on your phone while we do this. I want you to know that yes, I could have asked my mother, or (Y/N) or even that girl at work who’s weirdly invested in my relationship with Tae to come, but I chose you. You’re the only person, other than Tae, whose opinion matters. So, try to at least look a little impressed when you see me trying on these dresses, ok?”

Jungkook knows how he would have reacted, before the Hanahaki. He would have grimaced, made some sort of smartass remark, before reluctantly agreeing to do whatever would make Minah happiest. Maybe even mocked her high-pitched voice a little for good measure. But as it stands, all he can manage is a weak smile and nod. Today, he feels especially downtrodden by his illness- he knows you’re probably reading the letter right this instant and discovering what he had quickly realised for himself. How would you react, he wonders? Would you be sad on his behalf? Would you cry? Or will you tuck the letter away and pretend you never read it?

Minah notices his weak reaction, he thinks. Her expression falls, like that wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for, before she leads him inside.

Within the boutique, the air is perfumed, and the décor is airy and bright. White curtains and the bright sunlight filtering in make him think of early mornings. He can hear soft piano music tinkling from deeper within the boutique. An older woman in a pantsuit who has, on occasion, come in to visit you in the office, appears and smiles widely when she sees Minah.

“You must be the lucky bride! (Y/N) told me you were coming. Come through here. I’ve actually already gathered a few things that might be to your taste for you to try on.” She urges, her bright red lips thinning into what seems to be an attempt at a smile. You also have a business smile, but yours is so much warmer and more genuine. Recalling your smile, he knows for sure that you are crying as you read his letter, and for some reason that makes the ache that has been present in his chest since reading it deepen.

Minah smiles and allows herself to be led away. Jungkook follows into the next room. Half of it is hidden by curtains, which Minah disappears behind. The end he’s in, however, has a plush couch which he supposes is meant for him. He’s supposed to sit on this couch and wait for her to put on her dress. The wedding dress for her wedding to someone else. He swallows down an uncomfortable wave of nausea and hopes he has enough strength of character to survive this without exposing his secret.

The lady from before steps out from behind the curtains after explaining the dresses and walks over to Jungkook.

“Hello! You must be Jungkook! (Y/N) told me about you- it’s nice to finally meet the man behind the numbers! (Y/N) has only good things to say about you.” She says. “Would you like any tea or a hot beverages while you wait?”

“No that’s fine.” He answers with a shake of his head. She nods and offers another thin smile. Of course you would only have good things to say about him- you think far too highly of him. That letter he wrote is probably tearing that opinion to shreds with each moment that ticks by, but he’d resigned himself to this outcome when he’d first finished writing it.

“Well, my office is just over there if either of you need anything. And the bathroom is to the left, over there.” She tells him, before leaving him to his own devices.

He’s playing a game on his phone while Minah changes and is focused on it enough that he is wholly unprepared for when she steps out in her first dress.

All the air whooshes from his chest like he’s just been hit by a moving train and had the wind knocked from him. Minah has always looked pretty in anything she wears, but in this dress she looks ethereal. It’s off-the-shoulder and hugs her torso snugly up to her waist, where it flares outwards in a cloud of tulle and lace. She looks shyly downwards, evaluating the dress for herself.

“Well?” She asks. “What do you think? The fit is loose because they’ll have to tailor it, but not bad for a first go, huh?”

His voice fails him. He’d be lying if he said he’d never wondered what Minah would look like on their wedding day. What kind of dress would she wear? How would she do her hair? Ultimately, he’d always decided that it didn’t matter as long as it was her walking down the aisle, but that doesn’t change how much of a sucker punch to the gut it is to see her in her dress. He hadn’t realised how much it would hurt, the realisation that all of this was real. That Minah really is marrying Taehyung, and there’s nothing he can do to change that, without ruining her happiness. He feels his stomach drop like a stone when a wave of nausea rushes over him and he knows an episode is coming now. He doesn’t have any time to waste.

“Sorry, Minah,” He cries, scrabbling to his feet and swallowing down the first retch. “I think the eggs I ate were gone off-“ He doesn’t finish his lie before disappearing into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He does so just in time, because the petals instantly begin pouring from his mouth. He doubles over in pain as retches wrack his whole body.

Dimly, he feels a panic that he hasn’t felt while having an episode in a long time. It’s inconvenient but it’s always the same. He’s used to the disease after suffering it from an entire year. But this time, it’s worse. Never before have petals poured from him in such intensity- never has he experienced such pain while having an episode. Suddenly, with alarming clarity and fear, he understands how this can be a disease that kills. Black spots swim in his vision and he crumples down on all fours. The retches show no sign of slowing.

He’s screwed. He needs help. It’s never been this bad before, and Minah is just outside, banging on the door in concern. Panicked, he had dropped his phone when he first slammed the door shut, and he scrabbles to reach for it now, feeling his head swim and his tongue cramp. He doesn’t know whether you’ll even help him, after reading that letter, but he knows you’re the only one who can help him. It’s almost instinct, to find your contact details in his phone. His hands shake and he chokes up another wave of petals before he manages to hit the call button. The line only rings twice.

“Jungkook?” You answer, and if he weren’t in so much pain he would have noticed the way your voice is raspy from crying. “Jungkook, I got your letter and-“

“(Y/N)!” He cries urgently between retches. Tears stream from the corners of his eyes due to the exertion. “Help me. It’s… it’s never been this bad… Help me.”

He can only barely make out your voice crying his name in concern before everything goes black.

When Jungkook awakens, it is in an unfamiliar room. The walls are painted bright yellow and the carpet is a soft beige. The sheets he sleeps on are a soft pastel pink and the blanket is bright pink with different coloured sprinkles printed across it. The curtains are open just enough that a sliver of sunlight comes through, warming the air. He rolls slightly, not quite ready to sit up but also curious about his surroundings. The smell of the air is familiar, but he can’t quite place it- sweet and pleasant, and a little fruity.

A bag hanging off a hook catches his eye- he recognises it as an IV fluid bag. He’s hooked up to fluids. They steadily feed into the crook of his elbow. He stares in confusion at it. He’s not in a hospital. There’s a desk in the corner, stacked with papers and a cork board hanging over the wall opposite him with dozens of photographs pinned to it. The heads of the pins are shaped like little red hearts. There’s also a string of fairy lights hanging over the wall directly above him- they aren’t switched on but they’re in the shape of little dangling pineapples. What hospital would have such cutesy, precise decorations? No matter how he thinks about it, he’s definitely in someone’s bedroom.

He sits up and squints at the photographs pinned to the corkboard. It’s hard to see without his glasses on. He doesn’t know where they are, but he supposes that’s a problem to solve once he works out his location. While he’s staring at the photo-board, unwilling to leave the warmth of the bed, the smell of bacon and freshly brewed coffee starts to filter in from the next room. His stomach rumbles. Had he eaten dinner last night?

His stomach drops as he recalls that no… no he hasn’t. With dread he recalls the way Minah had looked in her dress, the way his Hanahaki had hit him harder than ever and calling you in a fit of desperation. Did… Did Minah find out? This isn’t her bedroom, that much he knows. She’d moved in with Taehyung six months ago. He knows their room. This is… this is someone else’s and the only other person it could be is you.

He can hear two people conversing in the next room and is about to scramble out of bed when you poke your head in through the door, confirming that it is, in fact, your bedroom.

“You’re awake!” You cry, and the look on your face can only be described as heartbreakingly relieved. “That’s good, because I made breakfast! Namjoon says you can come off the fluids and so he’s going to come remove the line before he heads to work.”

He’s…. he’s in your room and you’re making him breakfast? As baffling as the situation is, he knows one thing for sure: He’s safe. If he’s here, in your room, and not in a hospital bed, then somehow you got him out of the situation without Minah finding out. Perhaps your reaction to his letter hadn’t been as bad as he anticipated. He doesn’t know what you did to get him here, but he just knows he’s grateful. A warm, unfamiliar feeling billows outwards in his chest, relief soaked in something else he can’t identify. All the tension drains from his body and when he inhales, the sweet scent he now recognises as yours seems to fill him all the way to the bottom of his lung.

“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asks, stepping into the room. He’s wearing a neatly pressed suit and smells of cologne. He sets a tray of swabs and medical tape on the bedside cabinet before seating himself on the bed beside Jungkook. “I was concerned to hear you’ve had such a nasty episode. It’s to be expected considering your situation, but it’s still disappointing. I suppose that means (Y/N)’s unorthodox methods were a failure?”

Jungkook ducks his head shamefully as Namjoon fidgets with the tape holding the catheter in place.

“I… yeah. They didn’t work.” He confesses. Namjoon raises an eyebrow.

“No need to sound like you’ve just murdered my sister.” He says. “It’s not your fault they didn’t work.”

“I know. I just feel-“ Jungkook begins, trying to explain the guilt and shame he feels, but Namjoon patiently holds up a hand to stop him from speaking.

“Jungkook.” Namjoon explains patiently. “Despite the poorly understood cause, Hanahaki is a physical illness. Just like home remedies can’t cure cancer, hanging out with my sister isn’t going to magically to you waking up better. I only agreed to let her try because I knew how stubborn she is, but also because I knew it was good for you. You haven’t made any progress in our sessions over the last few weeks, and somehow, she got you to open up and reflect on your relationship in a way I haven’t managed to even though I’m literally a specialist.”

That has Jungkook speechless. Namjoon smiles and adjusts his thick-framed glasses on the tip of his nose.

“You’re doing everything you can, and you should be proud of yourself. And despite the doubts I expect you’re feeling, no, you are not getting worse. I ran some tests while you were sleeping and there’s been no progression. And Minah didn’t find out either.” Namjoon reassures him. He glances at his watch. “But I have to get to work. Feel free to enjoy breakfast. She’s actually a good cook. And that bandage can come off in a couple of hours.” He offers with a wink, gathering all his supplies and leaving Jungkook alone in the room.

It takes a few moments to gather his courage to step out into your living room. He doesn’t know why he’s so frightened to. There’s no reason to be afraid- all he should feel is grateful that his secret hasn’t been discovered. Whatever meds Namjoon had administered in first aid leave him feeling better and healthier than he has in a long time, so there’s no reason for dread and unease to grip him like it does.

You have bedding strewed in a nest over the couch, meaning you probably slept out here, and you’re wearing a pretty sundress as you hover over the stove. He takes a deep, shaky breath. For some reason, the second his eyes land on you the fear and anticipation leaves him abruptly and is replaced with a hot, sticky sort of feeling in his chest like his heart is liquifying. For a long moment, Jungkook simply gapes, unable to fathom exactly what it is he’s feeling, and you don’t register his presence until you turn around. You cry out in shock, wielding the spoon you’d been stirring the pot with like a sword as you catch your breath. For some reason he finds it endearing, and an unfamiliar and frighteningly pleasant sensation billows outwards in his chest.

“Jungkook! How are you feeling?” You cry, recovering your composure and stepping forward towards him. “Namjoon told me you were fine, but I need to hear it straight from you. I read your letter and I-”

The words die in your throat as you find his arms wrapped tightly around you. He had planned to thank you, but to his surprise, his body seems to be moving on autopilot. All he knows is that yesterday he experienced his most painful episode of Hanahaki to date, but seeing you somehow makes him feel like it was all a distant nightmare. But when he tries to explain that to you, all that comes out is a sob. He’s not even sure why he’s crying, but gradually your posture relaxes and your arms snake around his waist. Since being sick, few are the times that Jungkook has allowed himself to properly cry. He isn’t allowed to feel sad and heartbroken, to cry it out like he’s been wronged, because he knows he’s rotten to the core. Only bad people long for their best friends’ fiancé the way that he has been. And you should be pushing him away in disgust after reading the letter and discovering that he can’t move on from Minah even knowing what it means for every involved. But you do no such thing. It feels good, to come apart in your arms, because he now knows you’ll put the pieces back together afterwards.

And the whole time, you don’t say anything. You simply let Jungkook cry in your arms until the eggs start to burn beside you.

#Jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jeon jungkook x reader #btsboulangerie #writing

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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Match up! (◠‿◠✿)

hiya!! can i pls get a matchup for ikesen, if its ok? 💞

bi girl i prefer guys! ambiverted intp, gryffindor, n true neutral. i have an older twin sis n i love/hate her sm lmao!!

i have medium-length straight-ish black hair (w/ a side bang to the right) & dark brown eyes!! im 5'5-ish, fun fact: im a filipina!

sooo im a complex daydreamer!! i NEED attention/affirmation or ill feel unwanted/sad. emotional scorpio, im quite sensitive. anxiety, i overthink too much! quiet w/ people im not close w/. easily annoyed but guilty after ‘cause im soft-hearted. im like half funny/playful/kind & half deep/mature/awkward- hopeless romantic! i have a way w/ words, sorta poetic? i wanna be the best! sorta socially anxious, i have a fear of judgement. im not innocent but ppl think i am at first. i look fine but deep down im a big mess. rlly smart & knowledgable. vv passionate, big nerd actually! im like a kid w/ my twin but w/ others im more mature. im the type to do fun stuff and loosen up but would also just cuddle and have long convos. im vv good w/ technology! very imaginative, i come up with stories a lot- around others im very quiet because i literally have no idea what to say. actually a big history fanatic, hehe. i act confident but im not rlly, actually vv insecure and i regret a lot of things.

a habit of mine is that i tend to drift away and just… think? i also tend to care a lot abt my appearance! i get competative but there are also times when im just chill. i get vv embarrassed when i lose control tho n i regret it sm :(( i have loads of trouble asking for help even if i like to help others a lot! i like being organised but i tend to be… chaotic.

hsjsh- fun fact: there are times where im just,, super hyper n say the weirdest things? im good in school but,, im lazy yknow- i love math (surprisingly, i got a natural talent?), science (esp abt stars n space), history, and english (actually my 2nd languange but im very fluent) the most. bilingual but im also learnin french! wanna learn latin too tho but id break down- i have the fear of the unknown, failure, n loneliness! im scared of the future cause its beyond human ability to know,, the only guys ive rlly talked to r family members so my awkwardness goes 100x hsjsjs

oh, i rlly love affection, but i need a lot of space too, tho! girls gotta have privacy- games r a hUge part of my life, so is technology and the modern era! i actually like sports too- not very good at em tho :((

some likes: gaming, jokes (esp corny/stupid/puns), space, stars, weapons (esp swords/guns), philosophy, psychology, testing myself, affection, animals, doing exhilirating things, music, movies, books, writing, astrology, astronomy, learning new things, & mythology.

some dislikes: too much heat, school presentations, creepy dolls, being under pressure, dirty things, blind faith, & annoying people.

tysm! omg i hope this isnt too long- i think this is too long?? yIkes i hope that this is ok!! love ur writing btw! stay safe 💞

Hi hi love! thank you so much for the request! You sound like a wonderful person and omw it soooo cool that you have a twin! I actually think she sent in a request right after you did lol! Anyways sorry for making you wait sooooo long and i hope you enjoy it! @x-joie-x

So i match you with...................... Mitsuhide

The first time you meet this sneki boy, you were quiet and reserved. War council had just ended and you were named as a princess of the Oda forces. You were super socially awkward, and anxiety was slowly starting to creep in, as the curious warlords started to surround you. It wasn’t until Mitsuhide had pulled you away in a teasing manner to save you from the crowd that you finally started to calm down. He had noticed this new little mouse had been on edge since arriving. However, he didn’t suspect you of being an assassin or spy as, during the whole council, your hands shook, and you could barely speak up against Nobunaga’s demanding and commanding tones.

Mitsuhide had found you incredibly amusing from the first moment you walked in, you caught this foxes eye. He didn’t know if it was the innocence or naïve purity that just seemed to radiate from you, but for some reason when he was looking at you, he found that he simply couldn’t look away.

It took all of one day for all the warlords to officially drop all suspicions of you. You were just such a sweetheart how could they not instantly love you and feel the need to protect you. You had started helping a few of the maids that first morning after you were named princess. You didn’t want to be a freeloader, so you worked hard to earn your keep and soon, the maids were fighting over who would get to work with you cause all of then just loved and adored you so much.

You got annoyed with Hideyoshi when he first found you helping the maids, as he was 100% started micromanaging you. You lost you cool and raised your voice at him, TBH Hideyoshi didn’t think anything of it, but it wasn’t until you had pitched up at his manor an hour later to apologize for being so rude to him that he realized what a sweet and sensitive person you truly were. Of course from that moment onward you had gained yourself a big doting brother.

All the Oda forces agreed that you were too sweet and naïve for your own good, so Mitsuhude was assigned to give you princess lesson to prepare you for your new life as Oda princess. You were super excited when Mitsuhide had told you that he was going to teach you a variety topics such as economics, politics, history and self-defence. You even managed to impress the sneki boy, by getting all the questions correct on the first test he had handed you. You had found that first test incredibly easy as you were a bit of a history buff, and all the questions had been based on Nobunaga’s history. This low key shook the sliver kitsune a little bit, as this proved that not only were you pure and naive but you were also super smart. You kind of reminded him a little bit of Mitsunari, a cleaver professor with their head in the clouds.

Mitushide praised you for your ability to pick up on concepts quickly and work diligently as a student, “I dare say little one, you are the best student a teacher could ask for.” You spend masses amount of time with sneki boi, and through that time you realized just how sweet Mitsuhide truly was, although he was a massive tease leaving you a blushy mess almost every day after lessons with his teasing comments. And naturally, the more time Mitsuhide had spent with you, the more in love he fell. It was also noted by the fellow warlords that, Mitsuhide always wore a soft gentle expression when it came to you, and in your experience he had been a kind gentle patient teacher. SO naturally you found yourself more and more drawn to this mysterious man.

Through all the time spent with the kitsune, you found yourself opening up more and more. He was one of the few people that got to see your playful side. You now would make the puniest, corniest jokes he has ever heard, leaving this kitsune in a fit of laughter mid-way through a lecture. Not only that, but he loved loved loved your competitiveness side.

This side of you slowly started to surface after the 3rd or 4th self-defence lesson when you started challenging the kitsune to rematches whenever he would pin you down, ultimately beating you in your little makeshift sword fight. Boy oh boy, don’t even get me started on the shooting lessons, once you were able to fire the rifle, you were straight-up challenging this boy, the best marksmen around to a shoot-off. “Come on Mitsuhide, the first one to get 100 bulls-eyes in a row wins, and the loser has to buy tea.” Needless to say, you always lost and even though every day you would make that exact bet, Mitsuhide would always insist on sticking you for tea and lunch as reward for being such a good student.

He really enjoyed spending time with you and would absolutely insist on holding your hands whenever the two of you were on your way to the tea house together after your lessons. “I can’t have my clumsy little mouse tripping and falling now can I.” Every day without fail, he would say that to you as he wraps his big hand around your small one, while leading you to your favourite tea house.

The two of you would talk about everything and anything over tea, these topics ranged from you making stupid jokes, to talking about random topics such as philosophy and psychology. Either way, Mitsuhide loved to spend time with you. He would always listen to and hang on to every word you said, storing every word in his memory.

You were his precious little mouse, and he knew you were an extremely sensitive creature. If anyone dared say a single bad word to you or make you sad, they would face the wrath of this very protective kitsune. Like one time, one of the visiting daimyos had talked down to you for accidentally bumped into him. You were busy cleaning the windows when you accidentally lost your balance and bumped into him. He was so disgusted that a mere maid had touched him. He started yelling at you and insulting you, this escalated to such a point that he even had his hand raised ready to hit you for getting dirty window water on his shoes. That’s when sneki boi decided to intervene. Mitsuhide legit stood protectively in front of you with his rifle pointed at the man’s heart, with the full intention to shoot. “Golly me it appears like you are quite the troublesome little mouse, my dear.” He then turned his sharp gaze towards the daimyo “I do suggest you apologize to the Oda princess, lest you want to answer for your crimes directly to Nobunaga.” The man simply scoffed and walked away. Mitsuhide then turned to you and enveloped you in a warm hug while kissing the top of your head, “Are you alright, my dear little mouse?” Mitsuhide looked into your beautiful eyes and gently took your hands in his, “Come little one, I have something I wish to show you.”

The two of you walked hand in hand to Mitsuhide’s manor, Mitsuhide led you out into his garden, where you saw something so beautiful you could cry. The garden was filled with flowers and candles and in the centre was a table set up, with a feast laid out op top of it.

Mitsihide had told you that night that he was hopelessly in love with you. He was overjoyed when he had discovered that you like him, was also a hopeless romantic and that you had an incredibly poetic, romantic way with words. You handed him a letter in which you had expressed your feelings for him in the form of a beautifully written poem. You were actually intending to leave the poem on his desk as a way of confessing your feelings. This instantly melted sneki bois heart into a giant puddle and he couldn’t help but pull you in for a sweet kiss.

After diner Mitsuhide had led you deeper into the garden where a fluffy blankie was sprawled out on the grass, he guided you to sit down and the motioned for you to lookup. Above you, a thousand stares were shooting across the sky in a big meteor shower. Mitsuhide pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheeks as the two of you watched the sky. He always remembered every detail you had told him about yourself, so when you revealed that you loved the sky and the stars, he knew he had to incorporate this rare meteor shower in your date somehow.

This had sparked a new tradition between the two of you, to stargaze and spend the whole night in deep conversation. These nights were full of love and affection as Mitsuhide would pull you into his lap and just hold you there for hours and hours as the two of you talked and watched the sky

Of course sneki boi also had a bit of a spontaneous side, and would take you on exhilarating trips around Nobunaga’s territories. They were mostly missions but after you had nagged Nobunaga to give you permission to go along on the missions, you and Mitsuhide would finish the official work asap so that the two of you cuties had plenty of time to enjoy yourself in the new environment.

Mitsuhide loves everything about you from your slight messiness, to your love of learning new things. He also knows that his sweet little mouse sometimes needs some space and alone time and will be sure to give you as much alone time as you need to recharge. He knows that you will seek him out when you have had enough of your own company. He will always welcome you back with outstretched arms when you have had enough alone time, and shower you with endless amounts of affection.

Whenever you are feeling insecure or worrying about the future Mitsuhide is right there by your side, whispering words of affection and reassurance in your ears. He makes sure to remind you every day just how perfect you are and just how much he loves you.

Often you can be found in sneki boys lap with your head resting comfortably in the crook of his neck as he soothingly strokes your hair. Don’t be surprised if this sneaky kitsune drops a few kissed on your nose, cheeks or lips during these quiet and peaceful moments, just as a way to convey how much he loves and adores you.

Other potential matches……………..Masamune

I hope you enjoyed it dear and i hope you have the best day!

#ikesen matchup #matchups #match ups #matches #akechi mitsuhide #ikesen mitsuhide #ikemen sengoku mitsuhide #mitsuhide akechi #mitsuhide ma #submission

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junionigiri · 6 years

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Boom Clap [bnha: vigilantes one shot]

Story Summary: Haimawari Koichi is quite content spending New Year's Eve alone in his run-down rooftop apartment, but Iida Tensei has other plans.

Relationship: Haimawari Koichi/Iida Tensei

Rating: T

Warnings/Notes: haha wtf is a warm-up drabble anyways. this isn’t edited but whatever. gonna go back to my other AU in a bit. Happy new year everyone :)

31 December 20XX, 2154H

Haimawari Koichi watches the night sky alone.

He has cans of beer, one of them already open and half-empty in his hand. His phone is out, but apart from taking piss-poor quality photos of the stray fireworks already colouring the night sky in vivid oranges and greens and pinks, it is glaringly quiet. Almost… annoyingly so. But he can’t complain.

Pop is finally spending time with her family and not with some college-aged vigilante, as proper middle school girls ought to. Makoto-senpai is with her older brother too--she managed to pressure him into going home to see their parents after so long.

His college friends wouldn’t step near here, for obvious reasons. And the kinda-friends he’s met as a vigilante… well, Koichi’s kind of dense, but even he understands that inviting Eraserhead for a beer here isn’t the most genius idea.

Knuckleduster… well who knows where he really is right now. Koichi only hopes that he’s alive wherever he is. He doesn’t have a lot of chances to say that he misses that insane master of his, not even to himself.

And… that’s the extent of his friends, he realizes. Those close enough that he can theoretically ask to spend some time with him on his little rooftop in the city, at least.

That’s… kind of sad. But he tries not to think about that too much.

There’s no one else here.

It’s not so bad, he supposes. Life as a college student by day, a vigilante by night isn’t exactly the most quiet. He made up a stupid University-related excuse not to go home to Mom’s because villains don’t take the holidays off (and also he prefers meeting the new year without being slapped silly like a fly). So he should really enjoy the quiet, while he can.

Another stray firework explodes above his head. He tries to capture it on camera, for what it’s worth. As expected, it looks shitty, exactly what you get from a flip-phone camera.

He deletes it.

It’s quiet. A breeze blows by, cold and biting, but his All Might hoodie keeps him warm.

It’s the perfect time for a villain to strike. If he were a villain, he’d strike now.

He looks at the streets below his complex. Come on. Somebody? Anybody?

Nope. Nada. He sighs, and looks up the sky again. Maybe he should patrol, or something? Ah, but during holidays like this, the younger heroes are out and about, on higher alert than on a normal day. If he ran into any of them, he might just be the one to get arrested. Not the best thing to happen to greet the new year.

His phone rings like a bell, startling him. “Ah--”

He flips his phone open. A single message, a short one, but just enough to make his heart flutter.

Tensei Iida (2201H): Happy New Year to you and your family! Here’s hoping that the incoming year is prosperous! Let’s work hard together! - Turbo Hero Ingenium

He’s two hours too early for the generic new year’s greeting texts, isn’t he? He must have thought ahead and sent the message before the signals got congested. Figures that the Turbo Hero is ahead of everyone, even new year’s texts.

Still… Koichi’s smiling a little too wide just receiving a generic greeting. Ah, frickin’ stupid, really--

Their chat thread isn’t exactly brimming with messages, either. In fact, this is the first message in their log. They exchanged numbers ages ago during one of their runs, but there really isn’t a good reason for either of them to send messages to each other. Besides, Koichi thinks that it wouldn’t be good for one of the more popular heroes to be in close contact with an infamous vigilante--who knows when the police might need to check his text records, or something…

Oh… and also, his crippling shyness gets in the way of making a proper human-like text too, let’s not forget about that.

His fingers tap nervously against the keys of his phone, erasing and re-typing and erasing his messages again. Double-thinking whether it’s too eager or too disinterested or just right for him to text now, or in a minute, or in an hour--

What is he going to say, anyway? Blessings to you too, please keep watching out for us? Yeah, let’s work hard together, you on the legal side and me on the dark shady criminal side? Yeah man I can’t wait til we run again, please wear tighter jogging shorts this year hehe jk lol. Oh, wait, is this the appropriate time to confess his crazy gay crush yet? With any luck, the moment Tensei reads it, there’s fireworks in the sky, boom boom and then--

Koichi, no. Just. No.

He inhales, and lets his thumbs fly over the keypad. Happy New Year, he starts out in Japanese, ending with a :) .

Too plain. He deletes that.

Happy New Year, he writes, in English this time. There, that’s not too plain, that might be something that Tensei will at least be a lil bit amused to read. Right. He thinks about it a little more, and adds another :) .

Well. That won’t make any hearts throb. That’s… seenzoned material, that’s not really-- yeah, that’s really boring, even for a generic new year’s greeting that he’s spent a lot of thought on.

A generic new year’s greeting that he’s spent five… ten… fifteen minutes composing already. What the fuck, Koichi. Just say something, anything, just fill up the screen with some shitty fireworks kaomoji and blame it on Pop if he asks about it.

He takes a deep breath. Okay, so… the past year he’s gotten away a lot with being a little more impulsive, right? So just… say what you want, and just let things happen. Most likely nothing will happen, so.

Me: Happy New Year! Thanks for all your help this year. Hope you and your family are doing well, ‘specially Tenya. If you’re patrolling, I hope you don’t run into anyone too dangerous lol~

Before he berates himself for sounding stupid, he presses send. It gets delivered at 2218H.

Okay. Well that isn’t so bad. But the cutesy ~ makes him cringe.

He shuts his phone with a satisfying snap and takes a sip of his beer. Ugh, his face is getting warm, this beer isn’t cold enough! Come on, isn’t it supposed to be winter, where are the bitter biting winds when you need them?

No cold wind comes, only another message. He almost tosses his phone over the side of the building the moment his phone chimes again.

He takes a deep breath, flips his phone open and reads:

Tensei Iida (2221H): Thanks, Haimawari-kun! Tenya’s doing well, he’s with our grandparents outside the city. Just about to finish my shift now tho, so obviously I won’t be celebrating with everyone ^_^’ Are you patrolling too? Try not to get caught, okay?

Ahhh ahhh a real reply ahhhhhhh a blessed smiley from Ingenium, ahhh. He needs to go in and put his head in the freezer.

But he doesn’t--Tensei replied to him really fast, so surely it’s polite to reply to him really fast too. I mean it’s the polite thing to do. A guy on patrol in a quiet city has the means to reply fast, so he should return the favor.

Trying to will his heart not to go doki doki much like a shoujo manga heroine, he struggles to type, Oh, im not lmao theres a lot of you out there and i dont want to spend the new year in prison.

Tensei Iida (2224H): You’re right! That’s a relief. I don’t want to go to Tartarus just so we can go jogging together! ;) Tensei Iida (2224H): so are you with your folks? Out of town?

The winky face, and the implication that Tensei would visit him in maximum security prison should the opportunity arises almost kills him on the spot. Koichi suppresses another urge to roll over the cement tiles of the rooftop and manages to reply:

Me (2226H): nah. naruhata Tensei Iida (2327H): oh. In the university dorm, by yourself? Me (2228H): haha no lmao i dont live in the university. i live up on the roof in that one rundown apartment two blocks away cant miss it Me (2229H): but yeah by myself Tensei Iida (2331H): !!! on new years eve? Me (2232H): yeah? Tensei Iida (2335H): Oh! Well, that’s not good... Me (2236H): lmao do u feel that sorry for me Tensei Iida (2337H): It’s not that! Sorry hahahaha Me (2238H): its ok haha

Well, that’s a little awkward. Koichi doesn’t know what to say next, and when the minutes pass by, the speedy replies suddenly stops. He tries to type out another reply to tell him to change the subject but he has no clue how to proceed.

And then, the minutes pass in silence. There are more fireworks rising in the skies now, building up a crescendo for the bigger ones scheduled for midnight. They’re really pretty, but Koichi’s guts are in turmoil, giddiness making them churn in one direction, and pure anxiety in the opposite direction.

Fifteen minutes later, to his surprise, his phone chimes again.

Tensei Iida (2253H): 16th st apartment complex?

A firework goes boom behind his head. Koichi blinks. Uh. yeah, he types in dumbly.

Tensei Iida (2254H): Ok. Look down. :D

Koichi stares at the message for another dumb second and almost trips over himself rushing to the edge.

It’s a little hard to see since he’s way down there, but Koichi doesn’t miss the shiny silver and blue of Ingenium’s mecha-inspired hero suit. He’s waving up at him, and Koichi hopes that he sees him waving back.

He’s prepared to turn on his heel and run down to meet him, but he sees Tensei hold his hand up, in a gesture for him to stay right where he is. Koichi tilts his head curiously, raises both arms in a confused shrug.

He’s far away, but Koichi sees him give his trademark grin. He goes five steps backwards…

And Recipro-bursts his way up the side of the building.

“Holy sh--”

It’s less than half a minute when Ingenium makes it up and over the ledge. Smoke rises from the engines of his arms and it’s really concerning, but the way the Turbo Hero is just smiling at him with a salute, like he’s in a mission to rescue him from the burning building of his heart just... makes him melt in a stupid puddle without any sense of comprehension.

“Hey there, Crawler,” Tensei says, stepping closer to him.

“Hey,” Koichi stammers out. “Um… that was neat and all, but you know we have an elevator, so--”

The pro laughs. “Yeah, but elevators are pretty slow, and I wanted to see you faster than they would allow me.”

Anyone who is interested is free to canvass Koichi’s corpse of its vital organs. Just. Say the word.

“Yeah, you were… pretty fast, haha.” His voice catches like he’s still in puberty. He clears his throat. “I didn’t know you could run up the sides of buildings. That’s pretty insane.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know I could too.”

“Uh.”

Tensei collapses on the floor, legs crossed and arms waving in front of him like they’re boneless. “You wouldn’t happen to have any juice there, would you? My arms are feeling pretty wobbly, and--”

Aaaah wtf! “Y-yeah, hang on a sec, Iida--”

Koichi glides in his apartment in the speed of light and rummages through the scanty contents of his fridge. He has to dig a bit to find the stock of grapefruit juice at the back.

(Since that incident with the Catbus, he buys a stock of them on impulse and carries a bottle with him during patrols. In the tiny chance that he runs into Tensei and he needs extra fuel, he’s frickin’ ready. And if he doesn’t, well… grapefruit juice doesn’t taste that bad, so…)

He’s back to Tensei in record time. He tosses the bottle to him, and the pro chugs it down gratefully. He instantly looks refreshed at the last gulp, puts down the bottle with an aahhh and only grins at Koichi’s distress.

“What the heck, Iida! You haven’t done anything like that before?!”

He laughs awkwardly. “I’ve run up two storeys before, but--”

Koichi’s apartment complex is, like, ten storeys high. “Y-you could have gone splat or kaboom on the way up here, man! You could have been a really bloody human firework!”

Tensei shrugs. “I didn’t though! This tells me a lot about what I can do with my quirk!”

He’s a little too chill for someone who could have fallen ten storeys down onto the dirty Naruhata pavement, Koichi thinks. He gives him an exasperated look and collapses next to him. “Yeah, I guess, but… you didn’t have to do all that just to see me…”

He grins at him again, leans his head closer to his, like he tends to do from time to time. Koichi reckons that it’s because Tensei doesn’t have a good sense of personal space, but all the same it makes his heart throb painfully in his chest. “I felt like I did. Let me show off from time to time, Haimawari-kun.”

Ahh you cheesy bastard, Tensei, you bleeding show-off. It’s a good thing it’s so dark, because he’s sure he’s a cherry tomato by that time, and he can’t blame it on the half-empty can of beer next to him. “Hah! Sure, do that… I’d show off my new moves to you too if I could. You’re lucky I can’t, you’d feel like a total slowpoke hahaha--”

What the fuck is he saying, he doesn’t know anymore. This back-and-forth shit-talking thing (Makoto insists that it’s flirting, but Koichi disagrees because hah why would Iida Tensei flirt with a guy like him?) is more natural when they’re running out the streets and out of breath from trying to outdo each other. Without the excuse of physical exhaustion to explain away his stammering, Koichi’s a little worried of how brainless he might have sounded then.

Tensei only looks more and more amused, and doesn’t get any less close. “I dunno about that, Crawler. Been a while since we had a real race.”

“Heh, you’re right.” Koichi has been more careful using his quirk in public, out of disguise. He doesn’t wear his All Might hoodies when he’s around Tensei, unless by accident.

A silence falls between them, a slightly uncomfortable one where Koichi is hyperaware of the steadily increasing proximity between them, of the alcohol in his veins, of his rushing pulse. Trying to distract himself, he reaches out for an unopened can of beer and offers this to Tensei, who accepts.

He pulls the tab off the cheap, lukewarm thing, tilts it close to his. “Cheers.”

Koichi nods. “Cheers.”

They take a swig in unison. Fireworks explode above them, spurts of colors in the sky. The shine of the lights above do something interesting over the steel of Tensei’s suit.

“Hey, so… if you want to take your suit off--”

“Hm?” Tensei looks down on himself. “You want me to strip down? I usually expect dinner first, but for you--”

“That’s not what I--” Koichi stammers, as he flushes in an ever deeper scarlet that he doesn’t think is even possible. Ah, how drunk is he, huh? How Asian is he that he would turn this red, just from drinking this teensy amount of beer?

He takes off the metal plates more carelessly than Koichi reckons he should be handling them, and lets them down on the floor next to him with a sound. Tensei looks grateful for the extra breathing space as he leans back to appreciate the growing noise and lights above them. “This is an awesome spot, Koichi. The view’s great from up here, huh?”

“Yeah, you know it.”

(And the younger boy leans back, away from him, and tries not to appreciate how Tensei looks in just that tight black bodysuit thing he has underneath. Lean, broad, muscly, like a Greek god, and...)

A few quiet moments pass by. Tensei finishes a can. Koichi works on his third one and he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly drinking so fast. He coughs a little to clear up his suddenly tight throat. “So it’s weird because you almost died going up here, but thanks for coming up here, I guess… it’s pretty cool being up here, by myself--”

Perfectly content, and lonely, and quite possibly drunk by himself by this time, but not as drunk as he feels right there next to him--

“--but it’s cool not… looking at all the pretty lights by myself this time,” he struggles out. Stupid, really, he isn’t even looking at the fireworks anymore, just the beer can under his nose, like he’s reading tea leaves and begging for some clarity.

“Yeah. I’m glad I invited myself up here, too,” Tensei says gently. “I’m shameless I know, but knowing you’re alone up here, I couldn’t help myself--”

Koichi laughs nervously. “Yeah, you are pretty--”

When he turns his head, Tensei’s nose is two centimeters away from his. His eyes are looking right into his, freezing him in place.

“... pretty,” he swallows, already lost. “... shameless.”

Tensei makes a sound in his throat, so quiet that he can’t hear it among the sounds of explosions, but he’s so close he feels the hit, like he Shooty-Go-Blammed himself in the chest. He might be agreeing or disagreeing but fuck whatever they were talking about, Koichi can’t remember why the small talk matters anymore.

Tensei puts one gloved hand underneath his chin, a lackadaisical grin on his face showing off that sharp incisor that Koichi thinks is very cute. “Pretty,” he agrees.

He feels the change in the air, feels the charge spark in between them, through his eyeballs and his little brain.

They lean in closer. Eyes flutter closed. Koichi’s heart is beating fast and hot and electric.

Lips touch.

Explosions go off in his brain.

Ahhh, Koichi screams in his head, as the sensation of Tensei’s insanely soft lips on his beery virgin ones immediately makes him question reality. One hand goes up to experimentally touch the back of the older man’s head, fingers threading through that soft, dark hair. He pushes a little, nudges him just a little closer to him. The minuscule distance between them practically disappears.

“Ahhh--” This time his mental scream is an audible gasp when Tensei pushes him down on the concrete, supporting his head and back with gloved hands, and continues the kissing with Koichi underneath him.

Sparks of light litter the night air, like violent blooming flowers against the infinite canopy of darkness, in booms and kablooeys and claps and other ridiculous noises. Koichi doesn’t care to wax poetic about them, not when his heart is probably doing the same shit, with Tensei and his warmth is right there above him, feeling so nice and right.

Yeah, he belongs right here, right in his arms. What the hell has he done all year, the blur that is his 19 years of life, before this?

Eventually they have to break the kiss to get some of that chill air between their lungs. They gasp in unison, a dashing smile on Tensei’s face, and a dopey smile on Koichi’s. The older man caresses the side of his face. “Haimawari-kun,” he says gently.

“Yeah? Ah, it’s Koichi, by the way.”

Tensei nods. “Koichi-kun,” he repeats.

That right there is the stuff of dreams. Koichi feels like he’s overheating, despite the winter night. “Hah, is it new years yet, Iida? We should be counting down, or something--”

He gets another sweet kiss on the lips instead. Moments stretch before him. The concrete under him feels like the softest cloud as he allows himself to melt under his touch once again.

“It’s Tensei,” he breathes sensually into his ear. “And… honestly, I don’t care about the time, Koichi, just--”

There’s jovial shouting down at where the city square is, and more light and noise, far away from their rooftop.

“Yeah,” Koichi agrees with a smile. “Fuck that clock.”

They laugh like a couple of idiots, and kiss some more and damn, he could do with more of this in the coming years.

Soon, it’s January. The air is getting a little colder. They spend the rest of the first day of the new year in Koichi’s humble apartment, warmer than either of them could ever hope for.

#bnha fic #bnha vigilantes #tenkoi #koisei #haimawari koichi #iida tensei #koichi x tensei #new years kiss #let's celebrate everyone

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fatedsong · 7 years

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Shipping question! Top five NON-Shonen anime ships and why!

I think all of my favorite ships are the ones I read as a kid who had barely started reading romance manga.

- Syaosaku (Cardcaptor Sakura). They were like my first shoujo ship, mostly because it was one of the first I had ever watched. I just really love their story. Syaoran at first treats Sakura very coldly, to him she’s his rival for the cards he has the duty to collect. Syaoran holds a lot of pride for him and his clan, being sent at such a young age to live and move to another country by himself and given the task to collect Clow’s cards is a huge responsibility he takes it very seriously. Syaoran is really ambitious too, he wanted the power to prove himself and to his family. The whole time he just wants to remain his cool and keep his composure but then he meets Sakura and he just becomes a mess. Everything just goes wrong for him, it turns out there was someone else collecting the cards in which the guardians of the book chose, then all these people keep coming up, then he’s being swayed by Yukito because of his magic and to top it all of he starts to truly fall in love with Sakura. Then the more he fell in love the more he changes and doesn’t know what to do with all these feelings, he’s never felt before and because of his pride he kept being in denial of his feelings until it was too much and he had to accept them. It wasn’t sudden, it took time for the feelings to develop, the more he was with Sakura and the more he learned about her he started to fall in love with her and the more he was, he started becoming so much more gentle to her and others. Syaoran just fell so deeply that to him she was so much more important than everything, so much that he didn’t even want to confess because he didn’t want to bother her, all he just wanted was to support her and wanted to her to always be happy. This causes a lot of frustration on him because he feels like he isn’t able to, but our dear Sakura doesn’t feel that way at all, for her as time passed Syaoran became a huge pillar of support and comfort for her and despite they didn’t meet eye to eye at first slowly as time goes by she starts knowing more about him and finding all this kindness he has despite his blunt words she herself starts to falls in love with him. Although she doesn’t notice this growing feelings because her attention is still on her first love, her childhood crush and it was only after she gets rejected she starts to truly notice Syaoran in a romantic matter. It’s just both of them have these insecurities and there are times when they need a push and they always gave each other that. Syaoran is already failing at his duty and when he finally falls in love with her he just feels much more useless because he doesn’t feel like he’s doing anything for her but then Sakura just keeps reassuring him that he does. For her Sakura faces a lot of challenges but in many times when she needs it he was always there to guide her, just him being there really reassured her and made her continue doing her best. They are just children but damn it just gets me.Then the new series came up and like all that sweetness and they are always getting embarrassed and are dorky and damn.

- Natsume & Mikan (Gakuen Alice) This couple had me on the edge, I read this when I was their age too. You’d think a shoujo manga of children would be all happy and smiles but no it was way off. Gakuen Alice had like so much serious and mature themes. For Natsume he was just suicidal when he met Mikan, he was at his breaking point that he thought him dying was the only choice there was. Due to his sister power going rampage and burning a whole town in order to protect her and his friend he took the blame and took his sister’s place and was taken to the academy in which they make children have barely any contact with their family until they are like 18. Natsume then was forced by the academy to go in these dangerous missions and when he refused he was abused. The reasons he even went to them was to protect his friend and because the academy had gotten a hold of his sister so he couldn’t refuse. As if it wasn’t enough the power he had, the more he used the more he shortened his life, that got him coughing up blood and going to the hospital often. The pressure he felt of just trying to survive and protect everyone he cared about was just so much and not to mention he was only a child. Natsume was just in this pitch darkness until he met Mikan who was like Natsume’s sun. Mikan was really innocent, she didn’t know about what the academy was, she was just following her friend because she didn’t want to be apart from her but because of this she starts meeting all these people and Natsume. At first they just hated each other, for Natsume who was weary of everyone Mikan was strange, he didn’t understand her, but as time went by he warmed up to her and begun to trust her and eventually fell deeply in love with her. Because of Mikan, Natsume started trusting people more, he began to rely on them instead of taking everything upon himself and most importantly he begun to want to live, to believe in having a future. For Mikan who was slowly beginning to be exposed to the world, to darkness of the academy, there were times she would find herself at loss at what to do, she always wants to be positive and is always smiling, but at those moments when she is about to cry or when she feels really uneasy, especially the more she got involved with the academy itself, Natsume was the one who was there with her. For children they had this very intense love. I mean when I was their age I was like all hyped but now that I’m older lol I’m still very fond of this pairing, all their moments were intense some shoujo need to get on their level tbh.

-Otani & Risa (Lovely Complex) I like watch Lovely Complex at least once a year. What I just love about the series is the comedy, like despite they go through the drama you can’t really feel it because it’s always accompanied by some ridiculous dialogue. It’s just so easygoing. What I love about them is that they are just themselves, they do all these stupid things, have all those weird hobbies but they are always having fun, there isn’t a single time they aren’t having fun. When they go on dates they either go to Umibozu concerts, they go play in arcades or just spend the whole day in a karaoke, their conversations consist of them fangirling over Umibozu, doing skits or having debates on silly things. They are just so synchronized. Although they are always bickering you can see they still enjoy even that. It just took a long time for them to get together because of how their relationship was and their heights. It was always if they could step over the line of just friends which was difficult for Otani the most. They really value their relationship and was really important so it was difficult to suddenly change that. For them they had found a comrade who could understood each other’s pain about their heights and at the same time they had just so much in common that they didn’t want to lose that. The whole story is a fun ride between them. I just really love this couple because of how fun and simple they were, always silly but loving at the same time.

- Hayama & Sana (Kodomo no Omocha) lmaoo I read this when I was their age too. I think it’s a bit similar to Gakuen Alice in that sense I read Kodomo no Omocha their age too. The difference was more that the manga was trying to portray the transition of children to teens and how to deal with these new feelings and focused on that. Here we have Hayama who is the troublemaker in the class and Sana who is a child-actress and because the boys are just bullying the teachers and girls, they never have class, it was just a mess in which Hayama had control over despite he’s more like forced into the role of being the leader, this caused the confrontation between them and their involvement with each other. Hayama was neglected and caused him not to care for his life. In his house no one spoke to each other, his father didn’t know how to approach him and his sister blamed him for their mother’s death, because she died in child-birth, Hayama felt invisible and unwanted. Seeing this Sana took it upon herself to help him and his family to improve their relationship with each other an Hayama’s mental state. This obviously worked and because of this Hayama was so grateful and fell in love with Sana, her existence became really important to him. Realizing his feelings he doesn’t really know how to go on about this, he constantly picks a fight with her, and the moments he wants to word out his feelings he just freezes and instead he acts upon them hoping she would realize without him telling her. Sana on the other hand doesn’t really notice him until further on when he begins to help her out when she is facing all these new things. They eventually go through a lot of things and are constantly tested with different things, but they still loved each other and were able to surpass them. I just love how at the same time you have children having all these feelings and while they really love each other they have to face the fact they are still children and I think on that part is a realistic portrayal. Of course at that time I didn’t have this type of opinion and was just concentrating on the romance.

- Zero & Yuki. (Vampire Knight). Vampire Knight drove me crazy and tired any patience I had for love triangles like this manga had those intense moments but it was just so frustrating that I wanted to scream but I still shipped zeki lol What I really loved about them mostly was because when they were together they were able to be themselves, to be happy and free. It was difficult at first because Zero hated vampires only to be turned into one and then finding out the love of his life is like a vampire and her brother/fiance/ancestor was the one who caused his tragedy in the first place. For Yuki she’s all cheerful, all happy, she was free but then as soon as she awakens as a vampire she just loses all that. Being with Kaname was stressful for her and was never truly happy there, yes she loved Kaname but their relationship was not right and toxic. Kaname was manipulative to her and others. On the other hand Yuki and Zero relationship is built on trust and viewed each other as equals, there is a lot of communication between them, it’s just a very healthy and pure relationship. They truly treasure each other and because they do they made a lot of sacrifices or were careful because all they want for the other is to be happy. The thing I liked the most was that even though they went through heaven and hell those feelings were still there, no matter how much both of them tried to end those feelings, to deny them, they couldn’t because they just loved each other so much and they just kept going back to each other. They just couldn’t let go of each other. I also just love the patience they both display, Zero never forces Yuki to do anything, from the beginning he was always supporting her from way back they even knew she was a vampire, and when Kaname is frozen he never pressures Yuki into a relationship, all he wants is to be near her and if she ever wanted to be in a relationship he would wait no matter how long it would take.

#warlordess #cardcaptor sakura #gakuen alice #Lovely Complex #kodomo no omocha #Vampire Knight

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dxringred · 8 years

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SVU for the in depth fandom questions, of course!

Whoever sent me this is an angel and I am eternally in your debt. Also going to put this under the cut because I know before even writing it that it’s going to be long. x

Top 5 favourite characters: well anyone who knows me knows that Casey Novak is my favorite character, of course. I also really love Melinda Warner, and Elizabeth Donnelly. And Fin Tutuola and John Munch make me laugh quite frequently so they’d probably round off my top five.

Other characters you like: generally speaking I like most of the regulars? If I had to pick, like, five more they’d probably be, in no particular order: George Huang, Alexandra Cabot, Amanda Rollins, Judith Siper and Ruben Morales.

Least favourite characters: Any of the ADAs who appear after Season 9, apart from maybe Sonya Paxton whose complexity and uncountable character flaws I really loved; Dale Stuckey although I did feel quite sorry for him when it came down to it; Rafael Barba; and Elliot Stabler.

Otps: I won’t lie, I literally ship nobody from SVU? If I had to pick any ship it’d probably be Olivia/Casey because they’re mostly the only characters I pay attention to, and Olivia/Amanda comes directly after it. But I do have a soft spot for Munch/Fin because they’re pretty cute together. I also had a brief thing for Elliot/Casey during one rewatch which was weird as hell.

Notps: lmao anything involving Barba, particularly Barisi although I don’t watch the newer seasons so it’s not really something I have to worry about. I’m pretty much impartial to every other ship there is if I’m honest.

Favourite friendships: basically Casey and everyone? Though I really like her friendship with Munch, and I like Munch’s “friendship” with Fin. And I like Melinda’s friendship with everyone when it is shown. Bensler was pretty good too before S6 when everything went to the dogs between them.

Favourite family: there are practically only two families on SVU so this doesn’t help, but I’d have to pick the Stablers because I actually really like Kathy (and had a little bit of a crush on Maureen).

Favourite episodes: I have a list of all my favorites in my drafts and there are literally 40 names on that list. Night is definitely my favorite of all time (along with Serendipity and Raw) even if it does get me super emotional, but off the top of my head other episodes would include: Hate, Scavenger, Poison, Goliath, Parts, Painless, Game, Screwed, Influence, Alternate, Pretend, Authority, Svengali, Savant, Gone, Manipulated, Mean, Blinded, Impulsive, Reparations, Bound and Alien. (I’m pretty sure I could actually recite the entire list off of the top of my head which is pretty sad lmao.)

Favourite season/book/movie: I love all of Seasons 5-9 but Season 5 is probably my favorite in terms of episodes, with 6 at a very close second.

Favourite quotes: honestly most of the stuff Casey says because she literally just sasses everyone. But some of my favorites in general probably have to be:

“The Patriot Act. This convoluted piece of legislature isn’t worth the paper it’s written on!“

"I’m not saying I didn’t see crazies in Brooklyn but you guys are cuckoo magnets."

"If you think Jack McCoy is going to let me get away with that then you are crazier than he is."

"His dirty laundry is cleaner than my entire wardrobe."

"D'you know what you get when you mix fertilizer and diesel fuel? Oklahoma City."

“Your jacket has more than a few excessive force complaints and if IAB finds there’s any merit to Dixon’s story you’re a liability I just won’t tolerate."

Best musical moment: I’ve got to say I love the opening theme. I also like the music at the end of Goliath, and the soundtrack at the end of Screwed because that always gets me emotional. There’s also a scene in Avatar where the background music is really good. Generally a lot of the background music is really good to be honest.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: probably when Casey made her reappearance in Reparations; that sent me over the edge, let me tell you. Liv’s return in S8 also gets me quite a bit when I watch that episode.

When it really disappointed you: even though I’ve only watched the episode once, and have literally no recollection of it, Cold is an episode I will never talk about, never watch, and never admit the existence of. My other big disappointment is the end of Dana Lewis which I am so angry about, god damn it she deserved better!!!

Saddest moment: Night is the saddest episode ever, I absolutely cannot watch it without shedding tears. It’s bad enough that Casey gets beaten to within an inch of her life in her own office (fun fact: the actress actually got beaten up in real life for that scene which makes it 10x worse) but then you see her in the hospital and she’s crying and all banged up and I sWEAR TO GOD. Sometimes I put off watching the episode for days because I cannot mentally prepare myself despite watching it six billion times before.

Most well done character death: Sonya Paxton. It’s one of three I recall and really hurts me when I do decide to watch that particular episode. Because for me she was an interesting character and I quite liked her. And she really seemed to be helping herself out, and trying to get better. (At least from what I recall.) But then she just gets murdered and still manages to help nail the bastard who killed her.

Favourite guest star: Robin Williams in Authority automatically springs to mind personally, just because it’s one of the more memorable ones. I don’t really pay the greatest amount of attention to guest stars (because I never recognize anyone) but the other person I can think of is Mary Stuart Masterson who played Rebecca Hendrix in S6 and a couple of other episodes. Oh and Marlo Thomas as Mary Clark in S5, she was great too. I love watching her in the few episodes she appeared in.

Favourite cast member: who am I kidding, everyone knows I’m going to say Diane Neal. God I love her. She’s super funny, passionate, and very into politics and I just love her.

Character you wish was still alive: Sister Peg. Plain and simple.

One thing you hope really happens: I lowkey really want Casey Novak to come back but I know that’s never going to happen, especially not while Barba is still around. But a girl can dream.

Most shocking twist: for me Serendipity and Trade both had great twists. In terms of throwing you off, Serendipity is notorious for it, and Trade’s twist comes about in, like, the last few minutes of the episode and it’s pretty surprising. (Or at least I thought it was when first watching.)

When did you start watching/reading?: this is such a hard question for me to answer because I don’t entirely remember? I remember vague parts of my childhood where I watched parts of episodes, but that’s only because my mom used to have it on the television all the time. I think I finally decided to watch the entire show from start to finish when I was 11? So almost 7 years ago now. (Fun fact: I’m older than the show by literally only one month and a day lol.) Then after one rewatch I dropped it and occasionally watched the current season. And then I randomly got back into the show last May time, watching from Serendipity to the current season. And the only reason I started at Serendipity and not S1 is because I had a weird epiphany where I vaguely remembered the plot of the episode as well as the name and decided to Google it.

Best animal/creature: it’s got to be Basketball Monkey. For sure. That thing was damn cute.

Favourite location: the courtroom and the DA’s office. Courtroom scenes are always my favorite, for whatever reason, and I like the style of Casey’s office in particular. Very professional, and lots of books. I will also never forget the one time we went to Casey’s apartment.

Trope you wish they would stop using: Saint Benson. I just- it put me off of the show among other things, and I honestly don’t like it. Also, I don’t know if it counts as a trope, and obviously it doesn’t exist in current seasons, but Stabler losing his shit with the ADAs pisses me off. He does it way more than the other detectives and it winds me up.

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: nowadays? Nothing, that’s for sure. In older seasons, however, I’d say things were more original compared to what I see on TV toady. It’s less soapy and more “hardcore”, with the different episodes tackling different issues. One of my favorite episodes in this sense is Alien, which I definitely recommend because it tackles sexuality as does Closet. Influence and Blinded are also rather good when it comes to mental illness, and Raw is fairly good with, like, addressing racial supremacy etc.

Funniest moments: that one time Casey made a house call to a judge and stumbled upon him playing a game of poker with, like, four other judges. That scene is forever etched into my mind and cracks me up every time I even think about it.

Couple you would like to see: probably Munch/Fin. Don’t know why, but it’d be them for sure. Out of the current cast I’d probably pick Amanda/Olivia, just because.

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: I would personally love to see an appearance from some of the previous NCIS cast members? I have no clue as to why, I just would.

Favourite outfit: this is going to sound so dorky, but I’d love all of Casey’s wardrobe? From her casual clothes to her work outfits a lot of the stuff she wears is stuff I’d totally go out in. In fact, a lot of my school wardrobe is inspired by her work clothes so I’m already making some headway there. Shame I can’t walk in heels though.

Favourite item: it’s a clothing item so I guess it counts, but Casey’s “Sex Crimes” softball jersey. (I think it’s a softball jersey?) It’s the cutest and I love the colors. I also lowkey want her tan briefcase/satchel from, like, S5/6.

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: I own Seasons 1-12 on DVD but, other than that, depressingly no because I live outside of the US and the NBC store doesn’t ship to me. (The bastards.) I’d kill - like literally murder someone - for their official SVU hoodie. And there is a poster on Amazon I’m considering getting for my wall, although where on my wall I’ll put it I have no idea.

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: my favorite team is from Seasons 5-8: Novak, Benson, Stabler, Munch, Fin, Cragen, Warner and Huang. (Plus the others like O’Halloran, Judy and Morales.)

Most boring plotline: even though I love Kathy, generally anything involving Elliot’s marriage. Like dear lord there was so much drama there. I also wasn’t a fan of the Dani Beck episodes - I was pretty impartial to her as a character but for some reasons the episodes lacked a little more than usual.

Most laughably bad moment: no clue, sadly my memory isn’t doing well today.

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: I don’t typically remember anything before S5 or anything after S9 so if there weren’t any flashbacks in those seasons then I don’t have one and if there were then I don’t remember them lol. I’m terrible I know.

Most layered character: I am a biased piece of shit so obviously I’m going to say Casey! From what I’ve seen a lot of people tend to just paint her as one dimensional and arrogant, but there’s actually a lot more to her character and it’s dropped in through certain lines in certain episodes, and of course then there are episodes where you find out more about her - Influence and Blinded are key to getting the most out of her past. I love when they explore her conflicts with mental illness, and how she still feels guilt regarding what happened with her ex, Charlie.

And then there are episodes like Gone where you get to see more of her emotional side and you realize how hard she tries and how personally she takes her cases etc. There are other things too, often dropped in little pieces of dialogue, but you get just enough about her to paint a picture but not so much that she becomes uninteresting if you know what I mean. I love her, personally, and think there’s so much more to her than just supposed arrogance etc.

Most one dimensional character: from what I’ve seen of current seasons, I’d say Benson and arguably Barba.

Scariest moment: I don’t know about scariest, but the scene that always has me on the edge of my seat (or rather hunched over my laptop in bed) is when Casey gets attacked in Night; the same goes for the courtroom shooting in Raw. Creepiest scene? Definitely the one in Signature where they go to a serial killer’s torture chamber and it’s just very horrific. Well, not so much for me after the initial viewing because stuff like that honestly fascinates me, I won’t lie, but out of all the scenes I’ve scene it’s definitely one that stands out. There’s also a scene in Streetwise where Elliot shows autopsy photos to a suspect and one is of a little girl with her eyes gouged out and face slit from ear to ear. It’s a very horrifying frame if you pause it at the right moment.

Grossest moment: usually any time Warner (or someone else) does something involving blood/organs/whatever, because I’m a tad bit squeamish. One instance I can think of right now is in Serendipity when she extracts a tube from inside a man’s arm. Makes me shudder a little.

Best looking male: honestly they all look the same to me. Probably O’Halloran?

Best looking female: Casey Novak but S8 Olivia is very beautiful too.

Who you’re crushing on (if any): current cast? Nobody. From the show overall? Definitely Casey, though I’m pretty sure anyone reading this saw that coming.

Favourite cast moment: as in offscreen? Because there was this one time where Diane Neal did, like, a mini tour of the set and it was simultaneously the cutest and funniest thing I’ve seen. So probably that.

Favourite transportation: I lowkey love when everyone gets into their cars and all of the sirens go on and a car chase ensues.

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): probably the end of Screwed because it’s all shot very beautifully. But I also like the overhead shot in Influence where Liv and Casey are on an upper floor in the courthouse looking down at the defendant and a gaggle of reporters.

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: usually I don’t pay enough attention to notice. One that I’ve seen others take issue with is when Casey reappeared in S12 and there was a debate about whether or not she was censured or disbarred and what was going on there, but it’s the only thing that springs to mind and it wasn’t like a big thing.

Best promo: there was one that got me back into SVU when I was a little younger, and I don’t remember what season the promo was for but I remember they played This is War by 30 Seconds to Mars in the promo because I spent weeks trying to find the song afterwards and watched the promo every time it came on the TV like it was a full episode.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: last May when I rewatched it was when I properly fell in love with it again, at least enough to watch it multiple times, buy 12 of the DVDs and follow a bunch of blogs on Tumblr.

#personal #svu #i love whoever sent me this ask #bless you honestly

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bigskydreaming · 8 years

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LOL because @solvola has got me all nostalgic for BSG again, I went hunting for some old Battlestar fic I wrote like....ugh ten years ago at least, lmao. I had to dig up my old livejournal to even find it still posted anywhere. But here Miguel, have some Lee being fucked up and unhealthy and torn between Dee and Kara without actually making any actionable decisions at all. Trigger warnings for suicidal ideation though, because well, its BSG and its Lee.

It’s easy to fall in love with Dee. Quickest way? Strap into a Viper, eject into the vast tomb of space, and wage suicidal war on endless legions of Cylons. That’s how Lee did it. It starts with the shrill whine of an alarm, a barking voice that blares “This is not a drill” from mounted wall speakers. A dead sprint through the corridors, a preflight check so ingrained by now its not even second nature, it’s replaced his first – he actually has to stop and remind himself to breathe. Countdown to ignition that blurs by so fast it seems rather pointless. The weight of the world presses down tight on his chest, a real, literal physical weight; G-forces slam him back in his seat and hold him there, glued tight as thrusters engage. Sharp sudden velocity. Speeds that would rip the skin right off his bones if not for the airtight canopy so small and shrink wrapped around him it practically demands a claustrophobic reaction. Seconds whiz by, the dark at the end of the tunnel grows bigger, blacker, hungrier, threatens to swallow him whole and then he’s through it and he’s out there. A tiny speck lost in that impossibly big canvas. One meant to contain planets, stars, entire galaxies – nothing so small and insignificant as him. Racetrack’s screaming in his radio and a Raider’s plunging straight towards him and there’s no more time for feeling humble. Now he’s supposed to be Apollo, supposed to be a god, and that makes him just want to laugh. A high, sharp hysterical thing he manages to turn into a carefully controlled order. He tells Crashdown to watch his six, there’s a Cylon gunning right for his tail, snaps at Hot Dog to brake hard right, there’s a whole damn wave of the bastards headed straight on an intercept course for him. And gods, but if there’s a bigger frakkin’ hypocrite in this whole fleet he’d love to meet them. He’s been banking to the left and quick as Jupiter’s lightning he dives to the right and backwards in a barrel roll. A tight, controlled spin and he’s behind the Raider and level with it. Snaps his guns over and across and thick, heavy armor piercing rounds spatter its wing like rain drops; rain sent from the heavens by a god, harsh and punishing enough to break the wing right off, knocking the whole Raider into a tailspin that takes it out of the fight. It’s done for. Good hunting Apollo, voices praise him from his radio, but he just barks at them to look alive, there’s plenty more where that came from. His mind fragments, compartmentalizes. There’s a part that tracks the Raiders across the stark vista of space, a focused, calculating part that’s just waiting for the perfect moment to strike each one. There’s a part that keeps his eyes darting from his nine to his three and back again, quick, jittery glances that dance him safely through a storm of enemy fire; a part that holds his voice collected and in control, calmly snapping orders to his pilots while they bob and dodge, duck and weave across the heavens. There’s a part that glances down to where his hands are gripped tight around the controls, slick with sweat and white knuckled from the strain – and it panics, shakes, what if he loses his grip, what if that lever jams, what if he puts too much pressure on the brake at exactly the wrong moment. Why have they never streamlined the control system, why so complicated, so many things that can go wrong? Even though he knows damn well why, knows the adrenaline, the fear, the complex mechanisms designed to keep the mind sharp and the body on edge, its all necessary, a pilot can’t get too complacent or a pilot gets dead. Flying’s fifty percent instinct, fifty percent skill and a hundred percent gods-blessed luck. He’s known this since he was fifteen years old but it doesn’t keep his heart from slamming into his ribcage with enough force he figures he could punch through a basestar with it. And then its over, it’s done. All the Raiders are gone, either dead or fled, and he really couldn’t give a damn which at the moment. He’s too busy trying to make sure he didn’t crap his pants during the fight. Chatter’s buzzing loud over the comm systems, phantom voices congratulating him, praising him, and he’s such a frakkin’ farce it makes him want to puke. Instead he sweeps back around, searching for any lingering hints of a Cylon presence, but they’re really gone, and they’re really alone again. Somehow during the chaos he put a moon between himself and Galactica and it just now sinks in that he can’t see it anymore, just black empty space as far as the eye can see. Once more panic sets in, breath starts getting hoarse, shoulders start to shake, and he realizes, this is how he’s going to die. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but this is where he’ll be when it finally happens, this is what it’s going to look like. And then his radio comes to life again. This time there’s only one voice, her voice. Petty Officer Dualla, her words crackling with static and laced with gentle concern as she calls the A-Ok for the pilots - for him - to come back aboard. There’s nothing sweet or dulcet about her tones, at times it’s scratchy, almost coarse, but listening to it he’s sure he’s never heard anything more beautiful in his life. His breathing slows; his eyes stop watering, he looks down and watches the white around his knuckles fade away as he lets her voice guide him home. Back through the launch doors and gently atop the landing pad, down, down and he’s out of the cockpit. Artificial gravity reasserts itself and he shifts from foot to foot, testing his weight, testing the firmness beneath him til he’s sure he can stand straight, and it’s only then that he can breathe again. He’s back, and its over, and somehow he beat the odds again and lived to fight another day. ‘Welcome home, pilots’ she signs off cheerfully, and in that moment he wants nothing more than to hug Petty Officer Dualla and plant a great big kiss right on her lips. The moment passes. But that’s only the first time. Alarms sound again, day after day after day. Vipers launch into space, week after week after week. The battles get harder, the distances get further, the despair gets thicker, so thick it’s tangible, its palpable, its damn near edible, and there’s enough of it for the whole fleet to choke on. He’s lost count of the times he’s sat here, right in this same spot – because really, in space who can tell the difference anyways – convinced that this is it, he’s finally dead but he’s been living in hell for so long he can’t even tell the difference. And each time her voice speaks up and proves him wrong. Strong, steady, without deviation. Utterly reliable no matter how many times his guidance systems crash or his engines misfire. Always there to welcome him home, and every time it makes him want to hug her and kiss her and never let go. And each time, the moment passes, and its back to business - until the day it doesn’t. And just like that, he’s in love with Dee. And he knows he’s more than a little in love with Kara too, and so he wills it a passing fancy and waits for it to go away. Until the day it doesn’t. And it’s not rational, and it doesn’t make sense, but its space and nothing makes sense in space. Every direction is the same as any direction and up might as well be down, and somehow time passes and there’s a proposal and he’s down on bended knee. And it’s not even until later he realizes it’s him that did the proposing and it’s her that said the yes - and maybe there was a hint of uncertainty in her eyes, and maybe there was a voice in the back of his head that whispered Kara. But its space, and they’re all hopelessly lost anyways. Right? So here he is, in this tiny space they share together, doting husband and loving wife. The knot in his throat thickens, revulsion and self-contempt lending it weight and substance. He leans over the sink and splashes water on his face, looks up in the mirror and stares back at himself with bloodshot eyes. Except it’s not himself, but its not some stranger, it’s….its some other Lee. Familiar yet strange, and gods, but he doesn’t know how he got here. Hair messy and unkept, eyes watering from all the liquor he chased down his throat at the bar. Shirtless, chest marked with tiny nicks and scratches, and he runs one hand across them, self consciously. Not Dee’s work, never Dee’s work, because Dee makes love; its Kara who makes him fight for every scrap of pleasure he can get from her. And just like that, reality’s reality, and it hits him hard. He’s cheating on his wife, he’s having an affair, he, Lee Adama of the uptight rules and regulations, ‘paragon of values and morality,’ president of the do it because its right club is betraying his wife, his marriage, his gods – and even that knowledge isn’t enough to make him stop. A sudden, wild thought chases the self-hatred around his brain, what would his mother say if she could see him now. He slams his eyes shut and pictures her in mind’s eye, gentle, stern – faceless. He can barely remember what his own mother looks like. Like the waters of the river Lethe, the vast dark empty of space has worn that away until only a memory of a memory is left. Like rain, he can’t remember the feel of rain on his face – even though they’ve stopped planet side more than once. Can’t remember what a child’s laughter sounds like, real laughter, genuine, innocent, free of cares and worries. Can’t remember what it feels like to sink down into a chair and just drift off to sleep, relaxed, no concerns, secure in the knowledge he’s on leave for a whole week and he’s going to see Gianne tomorrow. Can’t remember what it feels like to be him, to be Lee, when he knew who he was and he was damn proud to be him. Maybe that Lee could have been the Apollo everyone needs now, but he’s not him, oh gods, he’s not him at all. Just a pale, cheap imitation of the original. There’s enough scorn in that thought to jerk his head back up to the mirror, study himself, study that face in front of him hard. Scrutinize every last each for a hint of plasticity, metallic numbness – a sign of something unreal, something fake. Maybe he’s really not Lee, maybe he’s just another Boomer. A frakkin’ toaster that doesn’t even know it’s a toaster, just goes around living and breathing and dying like everyone else, a weapon waiting to be primed and activated so it can attack or maybe even self destruct. Hell, even if he was, there’s no way he could actually know. The thought sends a chill down his spine, but as chills go its not nearly cold enough. The thought not nearly frightening enough. Just one more reason to stop pretending, to just…..stop. Just head out the nearest airlock, don’t come back the next time they drop planet-side, maybe just jump down a Raider’s guns, go out a ‘hero’, with a bang. And all that right there’s just one more way he’s not Lee Adama, not any more. Fabric rustles behind him, there’s footsteps against the ground and shadows on the wall. He doesn’t know when she came in the room, how long she’s been standing there just watching him. Long enough, though, right? Shouldn’t she be able to see what he sees in the mirror? She comes to stand behind him, and he shuts his eyes before he can see her. He doesn’t want to see her, doesn’t want to look in those big, dark eyes of her and face the worry and betrayal he’ll find in equal measure there. He’s such a coward, but as long as no one else can see it in his eyes, as long as no one else calls him on it, he’ll keep on pretending. He’ll go on being their precious Apollo even though he knows that’s not going to be good enough, they need him to be more than that now -he- needs himself to be more than that. “Lee?” She questions softly, that beautiful, strong voice - and just like that, he knows he can never leave her. Starbuck or no Starbuck, he needs this, he needs her, one single word and that’s all it takes and he’s hanging to it like a lifeline, clinging to it with all his strength, like it’s the only thing that can save him. And maybe it is. She’s guided him home enough times, maybe she can do it again. Maybe she can bring him all the way back home, back to when he was really Lee. Time freezes, trapped in the echo of her voice, and just like the proverb wild hope springs eternal. Maybe he really could be Lee again, maybe he could be the Apollo they all need. And he knows its not right, he knows its not rational. He’s not that far gone. Lee’s not a stupid man, he knows what he’s doing. He knows he’s put her on a pedestal, fallen in love with an ideal that’s as superficial and arbitrary as the name Apollo, and if the damn President of all Twelve Colonies can say they need him, then why can’t he need her? It’s not fair to her – gods, he knows its not fair, but where’s the fair in twelve home worlds lying dead and radioactive in their wake? Where’s the fair in all the dead friends, lovers, family, where’s the fair in great expectations and looking to one man, one woman, one vision, one anything to be the salvation for an entire race? Where’s the fair in Boomer not being Boomer and Chief drunk at the bar while Cally watches the baby and Helo being so in love with Sharon and she’s not really even Sharon? Where’s the frakkin’ fair in any of it? “Lee?” She asks again, resting a hand on his back. He flinches, but just for a moment. Then leans back into it, the rough, calloused skin of her hand, worn down from years of selfless service to her people. Eyes still closed, the back of his eyelids starts to look like space, tiny pinpricks of white shining through. He’s so frakked up and she’s so frakked up and they’re all such a frakked up people – but then, they always have been, haven’t they? He reaches behind him and pulls her tight up against his body, and its not an act. He might love Starbuck but he knows damn well he’s in love with Dee, and maybe that really can be enough. She’s rigid and unimpressed at first but then she gives in and lets him draw her close, and he can feel her looking up at him but his eyes are still closed, waiting for her to say something else – lost in the black, waiting for her voice to find him and prove he’s still alive, so she can guide him home again.

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