#because all angels except Castiel are Evil and Bad

[quietwingsinthesky]

supernatural have an angel character who prioritizes other angels over everything else not be villainized challenge (impossible) (failed)

[adidegmez]

spn s13 spoilers

s13 ep1(lost and found)

if dean thinks cas is really dead then what did they do to his body? did they burn him, bury him or nothing? jack is just a baby right now. winchesters are maybe not superheroes but they are my heroes. dean is just telling the truth?! he is not okay. he lost everyone he cared except sam. sam is calmer than dean. jack is just a sweet little boy. sam is scared. castiel is jacks father(according to jack at least). thats nice. damian as in damian wayne? i dont think i know anyone else named damian. dean'S prayer… he even add crowley he loved him(sometimes). and Chuck he left and he just doesnt care. he left lucifer on earth. everything happened on this Show is because of him. and i still believe if they raise jack right he will be good. no one is born evil. even if lucifer was a bad guy he was an angel he was the angel. jack is half angel and this is not a bad thing. dean said goodbye to everyone cas, kelly, mom and crowley. and crowley i just cant he said his name with the other people he cared about people he respected and its sad that crowley didnt get to see this. Dean accepted the deaths of all of them. How can he do this? They can still return, why not? and mary did return she is not dead.

s13 ep2(the rising son)

im sos sorry dean but sam is right. He is right on every part of this issue. Jack is not bad, your mother is alive, the only way to save her is with Jack's help. i knew jack was watching scooby i thought dean would let him watch. but i think he needs a little time to know jack. sam is nerveous when talking to jack because he never had an experience with kids like dean had. dean would calm jack down he wouldve known what to do but he is mourning the people he lost and he is angry. and that prevents him see the way that sam sees. sam did a good job with jack. i expected dean to say he is batman but i guess its not the time. lucifer is funny sometimes. good job jack. i think dean will understand jack, eventually. i hope that time comes soon.

s13 ep3(patience)

kelly was a great mother. i get deans point of view but he needs to calm down. it's been a long time missouri. she died! jack really cares about deans opinions just like his dad(cas). dean will get over this and he will be nicw to jack eventually, i just hope it wont be late. yes, sam is the best person to understand jack. this is brilliant. i really love how he treats jack. i love sam. i know dean is in pain but sam is right this is resembles to sam's situation. sam deserved to be saved so does jack. and jack didnt do anything wrong yet he has been on earth like a week. and cas mary it wasnt his fault. dean lost them and he is blaming jack. but its lucifers fault. and jack doesnt deserves a this treatment from dean. dean should help sam save jack. i have always been on the same page as dean always but not this time. i hope dean changes his mind soon. because i need both winchesters in the same page. cas! im glad he is back but if he could return does this mean crowley could return too. and i think i finally understand something. Charlie and now rowena are dead and they wont return cause the story doesnt need them anymore. but i need them to return. i always see spoilers but ive never heard rowenas death. and ive never seen anything about charlie's return. but i want them to return. I didn't even like Rowena that much in the beginning but lately I've started to like her. Charlie is a completely different matter, i always loved her, I need her to come back.

s13 ep4(the big empty)

clone wars!!!!!!! i didnt see that coming. clone wars is my favorite star wars Show. i love ahsoka too but anakin is not bad sam. well he turned to vader but he was a good master palpatine manipulated. i hope jack loves clones. they are my favorite thing about star wars. clones are amazing. dean cas sam and crowley closed the door. crowley sacrificed himself. i think i love jack. cas where are you? why does lucifer need mary? Dean needs to pull himself together as soon as possible, he scares Jack, he even upsets Sam. misha is amazing. finally dean complimented jack. i needed that. finally dean is thinking like sam. thank you dean. cas is back.

s13 ep5(advanced thanatology)

yes, something is wrong with sam. dean wears sunglasses indoors. Do the w's represent how many times the winchesters died? did billie become death? she is death thats not good. I wish Dean hadn't killed death. I loved him. thats a good thing afterall. billie let dean live. Dean lost his faith. But when Cas comes, he will be happy. hi cas. welcome back. look in their eyes. team free will together again.

s13 ep6(tombstone)

cas is back. everyone is happy. i missed you cas. and the hugs. jack did it jack brought him back. team free will 2.0 . dean is back. he really missed cas. his eyes are shining. i missed funny dean. Seeing Dean happy makes me happy. cas… all i can think about is his character development. he is an amazing character. he changed so much. his talk with jack was beautiful. hats, dean is really back. dean finally said it, jack is not a monster. i wish he didnt leave. i hope hell come back.

s13 ep7(war of the worlds)

what happened to mary? So will Michael be the villain of this season? i knew it was kevin. hi kevin! i missed you. i think i would prefer lucifer to that Michael. lucifer is so funny. lucifer is back, Mary stayed in the other World. i thought ketch was a clone. I don't remember seeing anything about clones in this series, but for some reason the first thing that comes to my mind is always clones. But it turned out to be an evil twin. i believe that story hes telling the truth. rowena isnt dead right? cas and lucifer, lucifer is so funny. and he is trying to save the World for himself probably. i believed ketch. asmodeus and ketch, they will trouble the Winchesters. If Dean had said yes to Ketch, would Ketch have worked with them instead of Asmodeus?

s13 ep8(the scorpion and the frog)

supernatural really did everything. now there is a heist episode. and it was funny. yes, i missed hopeful dean. it was nice to see that. Didn't Bart say there were copies of the spell? Couldn't they find them? The bus scene reminded me of the scene where they left Charlie on the bus. i missed Charlie.

s13 ep9(the bad place)

i think jack wants to bring mary back not lucifer. Jack gets very happy when he gets a "good job" from Dean. And that makes me happy too. Jack also joined the family. I love him. dean! why did you treat her like that? well at least jack found mary and the winchesters are together. but idk where kaia is.

s13 ep10(wayward sisters)

claire is getting better at hunting. they are on a hunting trip… they said it again. i like it. i love donna and the others, we should see them more. i love jody. Claire's speech was like the beginning of a new series. I researched but they haven't made a mini series, I hope they tell this story here. i love the girls they are amazing.

s13 ep11(breakdown)

the real fbi is here. The beginnings of the episodes always resemble Criminal Minds. but almost the entire episode was really like cm. garcia would find her quickly. i liked doug. i hoped he would become a hunter. doug and donna were good. come on, first dean now sam they lost hope but it was always like this and they believed this job. but now they are in a dark place. i need hopeful winchesters back.

s13 ep12(various & sundry villans)

lucifer is hilarious. omg not the love spell. not dean please. yes sam save dean. hello boys(crowley said it the best). hi rowena. welcome back. how are you alive? they all forgot about adam. cas loves his son. i love how he talks about jack. Rowena asked about Crowley because she wondered if he might pose a risk to her, right? I wish there were nice mother and son scenes. I don't even think Rowena would be upset about Crowley's death, but I wish she would be. she is sad?! rowena is right. when is lucifer ever gone. he always comes back. cas and lucifer made a good team. that was a little brutal. Rowena took the page, didn't she? i thought sam would give her but i didnt think would do it. but he did. lucifer is not dead. We forget the traumas of the Winchesters very quickly, they are not even mentioned. They always show themselves strong, they don't show what's inside them. Dean spent 40 years in hell, Sam was tortured by Lucifer, Dean had to survive in purgatory… I hope Rowena doesn't cause trouble for the boys.

s13 ep13(devil's bargain)

i thought lucifer would let cupid live but he killed him and i suppose he did it just for fun. i forgot about ketch. How did Lucifer not die? i missed kevin. sister jo(daneel ive been waiting for this, i thought we would saw her earlier on the show). Doesn't the prophet know the difference between Cas and Asmodeus? ketch is right. lucifer cant do the things he promised, right? gabriel!!! well, i hope winchesters can save him.

s13 ep14(good intentions)

Dean you are amazing Cas you are amazing too. Mary is not Mary. They're still messing with Jack's head, right? hi bobby! sometimes jack's smiles are sweet but sometimes he scared me he smiles like lucifer sometimes, other than that he is just a sweet boy. and i love him. i love this bobby too but i want old bobby. mary made the deal she brought so much pain to her boys but we saw what the world would be like if she hadn't made that deal, and I think Mary did the right thing. If that deal hadn't happened, we would never have met the boys. cas! i dont like where this is going. i hope cas wont go far. Dean and Sam are Jack's role models, I think he chose very good role models. Whatever it takes… both Dean and Cas go too far. They need to calm down and think a bit. I hope nothing bad happens to them. I'm sorry about Donatello, I didn't like him as much as Kevin, but he was still a good guy. He didn't deserve what happened to him (like all the good characters in the series)

s13 ep15(a most holy man)

While Dean was saying enjoy, he was thinking things like this will be the last time you drive and he was imagining how he would kill that man. yes i totally believe dean would kill for the baby. I heard that that scene was improvised and it's really a perfect scene. I never thought that the blood would come from that man. I thought it would be from someone we knew before or someone very important.

s13 ep16(scoobynatural)

do you know how long i've been waiting for this. I've seen a lot of clips about this episode and I was very curious about it. When I started this season, I was thinking that they were opening a portal to the Scooby universe with Jack. I even thought that they would travel to different universes throughout the season thanks to Jack's portals. just for fun. But when it comes to SPN, sometimes this is only possible for a few episodes. There is a villain in every season and the world is in danger, so team Free Will has to save the World all over again. But did the trickster really die and come back, or was he never dead? i really love when dean is being a fanboy. he genuinely loves them and he shows that he loves them. and i love him for this. i love deans love for scooby-doo. this is one of my favorite episodes now. it was awesome. i love dean. i love sam and cas too but dean has a special place in my heart.

s13 ep17(the thing)

poor gabriel, I hope he can get out of there. Ketch is saving Gabriel right now, even if it's for himself. where is cas? why aent they waiting for him? ketch did some bad things, idk how to feel about him. gabriel is okay for nw with sam. dean really has a death wish. he doesnt care if he dies he only care about the others. yeah this is a nice thing but he would die to protect them and i dont want him to die.

s13 ep18(bring 'em back alive)

Charlie! Until two days ago, I didn't see anything about whether we would see Charlie in this series again but then I learned that we will see the apocalyptic world version of her. I knew she would come but I didn't expect that we would see her now. i missed her. She shouldn't have died. why didnt they wait for cas? i think ketch really cared about mary. gabriel is back! and he left. Asmodeus is dead, right? i hope he wont come back. ketch is complicated. Charlie is acting like our Charlie. i couldnt believe charlie's death and i still cant. she shouldn't have died.

s13 ep19(funeralia)

rowena what are you doing? i thought maybe rowena was trying to get crowley back but then i said she wouldnt do that. is she really trying to get fergus back? if thatsthe truth please let her try. i want crowley back. rowena is kinda right only team free will gets to come back from the dead. naomi is alive. I hope Sam doesn't have to kill Rowena. I started to love Rowena even more. I think there is such a thing as the Winchester Effect. They changed an angel, the king of hell, the most powerful witch and many more people and turned them into better people, and it is great to watch the character development of those characters. They changed Rowena as well as Crowley. I think Rowena loved Crowley. I wish she had the chance to tell Crowley that, or at least show it.

s13 ep20(unfinished business)

Fenrir from Norse mythology, right? I realized the last part was similar to Steve and Tony's argument (Marvel). we'll löse, we'll do that together too… they lost, steve wasn't there. i hope sam could be there when it comes to that. I can't be sure about deaths when it comes to tricksters. I even wondered if Loki replaced Gabriel at the end, but they wouldn't do such a thing because the story would be extended unnecessarily and there is no need for such a thing. i missed our kevin, he wouldnt do that. poor jack. mary sees her as a son:)

s13 ep21(beat the devil)

rowena and gabriel? little awkward but funny. In the beginning ep was hilarious but then it all went dark. rowena didn't run, this time she stayed. she has changed(the winchester effect). lucifer's bar scene was awesome. Sam died and came back, thanks to Lucifer. I'm glad he is back but lucifer brought him. they found jack and mary. dean watched his brother die, again. and the look on his face is telling everything. im glad the brothers are back together.

s13 ep22(exodus)

no, mary. i know you want to help the other World but your boys came for you. you shouldnt do that to them. lucifer is not entirely wrong. yes he does so many bad things but sometimes he does good things. like most of the villains on spn he is complicated. I've seen the scene where Cas and Lucifer drive the bus on the internet before, but I didn't think it was real. I thought it was someone's dream or something. i know lucifer is bad but he tried to do the right thing. he fought Michael, and now he is doing bad things because sam wouldnt let him come with them. sam has hs reasons but now lucifer is going to help Michael nd i think he is not happy about it because h will have brought Michael to the other world, just as his relationship with Jack was getting better. and he knows this will upset his son. Gabriel isn't really dead, right? Otherwise they woudn't have zoomed in on his face. its always good to see bobby but i wish we couldve seen our bobby with the boys and our Charlie.

s13 ep23(let the good times roll)

I would like to see charlie and rowena together. Dean's dream is very beautiful, but with their luck, it is impossible. I wish it could happen, no one deserved retirement more than them. but i dont think they would get a happy ending. This is how I wanted Dean to treat Jack from the beginning. Dean's speech was beautiful. soft dean is my favorite, he is kind and sweet when he needs to be. I love him. I was going to believe in Lucifer because he wanted his son and was doing good things just for him, but in the end he ruined everything again. Dean, you tried so hard to keep Michael from getting to you. I wanna cry. michael has dean, i hope dean can beat him. Is Lucifer really gone? dean… i want to kill Michael. i hope dean will be the one to kill him. The suit and hat suit Dean very well. Just when good things are happening, everything turns bad, and every season, boys cannot find comfort. Can't the kids relax for just one season? There won't be a big bad guy for the end of the season, maybe if they want they can hunt like in the first season or just have a good time together in the

bunker. only 1 season. I wish… but it's impossible. i just want to see them happy.

[eisforeidolon]

Putting aside the argument of whether Cass should have stayed dead in S7 or not. S12 was the logical conclusion to his story. Like the Seventh Seal quote "Meaningless to heaven, and of no interest to hell." Except in SPN it's "Meaningless to Heaven, and no interest to humanity", Ensuring Jack was born should have been his final atonement, he'd screwed up Heaven and earth so bad, he believed Jack was the answer to fixing everything...

And then Misha took a paycut and they struggled with what to do with him throughout S13. Effectively rendering him a background prop, because they probably didn't expect for him to come back. S14 they actually tried to do something w/ him. At first w/ Nick and confronting how angels can destroy the lives of their vessels. But that ended up just being a Nick B plot and Cass was completely dropped from it. Then at the end it was getting Jack's soul restored...

Then S15 he basically had no storyline, other than basically acting as occasional muscle for S/D, that is when Berens wasn't doing his melodramatic simp shit in his episodes that no other writers actually followed through on. So, yeah. S12 really should have been the last hurrah for Cass.

*******************************

I feel like this summarizes what they did with Castiel all the time post his season 7 resurrection: "tried to do something w/ him" and then "completely dropped".

I gave them more credit than I think they deserved in retrospect for the angel storylines being such a circular, disorganized mess. It made sense because that's how the angels felt post-no-apocalypse, right, lost and leaderless? Except that only really works as an excuse for so long. By the time they had Castiel campaign for the angels to remain free if they wanted on earth in season 9, only to turn around and have him hunt down and kill any angels trying to do just that with Hannah in season 10? It felt like they'd completely given up on even trying to keep Castiel's filler plots remotely coherent and consistent.

The whole thing with Jack wasn't ultimately much better. They showed us fetus!Jack brainwashing Castiel with the idea of bringing about paradise on Earth - which is ludicrous since how do you have humans with free will and a perfect world ("a world without pain or hunger or want [...] a world without fear and without suffering and without hate [...] paradise")? But they didn't want Jack to be evil, so they just kind of dropped how creepily manipulative he was in the womb. Okay fine, we didn't need Jasmine Mark II anyway. Eventually, there was a brief moment where I could actually see the idea of Castiel and Jack having a connection being a valid way to go with his story. There are some ways the Winchesters could never really relate to Castiel as just humans, so Jack was somebody that could be more on Castiel's level. It made some sense he would latch on to Jack so much, right? Except again, they did the bare minimum to actually explore that outside of using it for drama and just about threw it away entirely at the end to pander to shippers instead.

Like, I get why it's hard to find fans of actual Castiel around anymore instead of just the shippers in love with him as a stand-in to project the OOC fantasies in their heads onto. The canon character being treated like the Winchesters' pet talking dog was less of a joke than I think it was meant to be by the end.

[mittensmorgul]

Since the finale aired, I’ve been yammering on about how it would’ve only worked as a finale to s2, and now that I’m actually rewatching s2, I stand by that even more staunchly. The finale doesn’t work in a post-s2 supernatural universe.

This is the version of Dean we saw in the finale-- the one whose only mission in life was to Save Sammy, to help him get his revenge and allow him to go out and live a Normal Safe Life pretending that hunting and monsters don’t exist. The one who just wanted some pie, to drive his car, and had no real connections beyond Sam in the world outside of Bobby. Even Dean’s characterization in the finale is this far younger Dean who’d never allowed himself to crack open and truly understand love. It would take me years to plow through everything I’ve ever written about him as a character and his long struggle to emotional maturity we saw evolve over the next 13 years beyond this episode, but the tl;dr will always be “this s2 Dean is the same as the Dean in the finale.”

The goal of s2 was saving SAM from his “destiny,” too. In this era of the show, Dean didn’t have a “destiny” the same way Sam did. The ONLY thing that mattered was freeing Sam from “becoming evil,” and being manipulated into terrible things. What Dean wanted, what he was “destined” for by the narrative was irrelevant, because all of his choices and emotional burdens were tied only to saving Sam. To freeing Sam so he could safely return to his “normal life.” Go back to college, have a family and the white picket fence life.

This was before Dean truly began fighting for HIMSELF. Which only really and truly began after he sells his soul to resurrect Sam. That’s when Dean truly begins fighting for himself. Sure, he’s angry with John during s2 for trading his own life for Dean’s, for putting the burden of “if you can’t save Sam, you’ll have to kill him” on his shoulders with his dying breath, but Dean is still fighting against John’s authority and the complicated tangle of feelings of his own childhood and not actually coming to terms with his own wants and needs and wishes out beyond that yet. He’s still unwittingly confronting the “destiny” John had set up for him, and hasn’t moved beyond that yet. It’s only trading his soul for Sam’s that finally brings Dean into the cosmic narrative that will fuel his introspection and personal growth for the rest of the series.

And out beyond that point, his entire character arc explodes into orbit.

Dean’s entire character arc in s3 is confronting this very basic fact: he doesn’t deserve to have been sacrificed just to save Sam. He doesn’t deserve that burden, and he does deserve to live. This is the realization he comes to before eventually being dragged to Hell and then rescued by an angel, who literally tells him, “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” in the aftermath of that. From that point on, we have TWELVE SEASONS of Dean struggling with what he “deserves” versus what is “fate” and “destiny” and eventually confronting what he WANTS if he truly could choose his own destiny.

Plus, out beyond that point, he has Cas. And nothing changes Dean, pushes him to grow and understand himself, and accept himself-- all of himself, from the good to the horrific-- than the pure and unflinching acceptance of Castiel. Cas never looked at him and said “you are evil,” or “you are worthless.” (well, they’ve both said some pretty awful stuff to each other over the years, but there was either brainwashing or other deeper issues pushing those things on them, and they have ALWAYS eventually come back to one another, and the awful stuff was dealt with). Point is, Dean and Cas both began running these parallel arcs of duty versus desire, and for Dean, the duty was always framed around “taking care of Sam” versus pursuing any sort of ambition or goals for himself. They would fight for this for most of the rest of the series, until eventually the goal for ALL of them would be about discovering what they would want for themselves.

The show explicitly dealt with this, repeatedly, over later seasons, asking all of the characters the big questions: is this what you would choose for yourself? What WOULD you choose for yourself if you could?

And then they made the narrative of the final season, of the final Big Bad, the fact that they had NEVER had real freedom, and that their entire lives (and the entire history of not only this universe but every parallel universe) had been Chuck’s Puppet Theater, and true free will had been a lie all this time. Pushing all of the characters to confront their own choices and understand what about who they were as people was separate from what Chuck pushed them into choosing and doing all these years. The main thing that Dean (and also Cas, and to the extent she was included in the narrative this was Eileen’s issue as well) were being pushed to come to terms with what really was real, and were their feelings and choices their own or imposed on them for the furtherance of Chuck’s story.

At the end of the road, finally free and out from under Chuck’s control, they knew what was real. For Sam and Eileen, they had chosen each other. Cas had chosen Dean, but Dean hadn’t yet had a chance to reply, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows what he would’ve said in return. It’s what Cas stopped him from saying even back in Purgatory in 15.09. And yet, for some reason Sam and Dean forgot all of that, as if none of it had ever even really happened at all, and we went right back to who they were right after they finally defeated the YED, before we even knew Azazel had a name, let alone the fact that the ultimate boogeyman of their entire lives to that point had been nothing more than a fanatic pawn in a much larger destiny for both of them.

The end of s2 was the last time Dean sacrificing himself so Sam could have a normal life, where Dean really felt there was nothing more for himself than fulfilling his father’s orders to save Sammy, even feels remotely plausible. It’s the last time we can feel like Dean might find peace and contentment in a Heaven where John is nearby to be proud of him, and where Dean would actually feel like that validation was even relevant to his own life.

And that finally brings me back to s2, where that was actually addressed through John’s self-sacrifice to save Dean, to serve Dean up to the narrative and provide a stage for this self-transformative journey INTO being a version of John himself. Only... Dean DOESN’T choose that. He fights to save Sam at all costs, even when it seems clear that the right answer would probably be to KILL Sam instead. When not only the ghost of John Winchester plaguing Dean’s mind would make him doubt his own drive to save his brother, but the John Winchester Insert Character of s2-- Gordon Walker-- basically put Dean’s own doubts out there in plain words in 2.10:

GORDON: I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this. Look, let's say you were cruising around in that car of yours and, uh, you had little Hitler riding shotgun, right? Back when he was just some goofy, crappy artist. But you knew what he was going to turn into someday. You'd take him out, no questions, am I right?

DEAN: That's not Sam.

GORDON: Yes it is. You just can't see it yet. Dean, it's his destiny. Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would wreck him. But your dad? If it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. But you're telling me you're not the man he is?

This, the episode where Dean finally confesses John’s final orders to Sam, where Dean has decided that saving Sam is all that matters, even when circumstance and everyone else is practically screaming at him that this could all be over if only he gave in-- be it his own self-sacrifice OR killing Sam. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the universe doesn’t care (and neither does Chuck... especially at this point... and the proof of that is Sam’s s15 nightmares where one of Chuck’s alternate universe endings for Sam and Dean was Sam actually going Darkside on demon blood and killing Dean... any iteration of the old drama, Chuck has explored all potential endings-- oh, except the ending where TFW gets to just be happy and live... that’s the one ending they never get and the only one they deserved in the end).

also from 2.10... loads of chat about “destiny” and one of Dean’s first “we should just lay all this shit down and take a vacation” moments when he suggests they go to Amsterdam and enjoy some of the not-coffee-coffee-shops, which Sam counters by doubling down on the fact that Dean has a destiny in all this as much as Sam does:

SAM: Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN: Ah, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM: You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

SAM: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN: I can try.

And that’s it, right there. This is the “neither of you can try for a normal life outside of the other while the other is still alive.” This is Sam pinning a destiny to Dean that’s just as inescapable within Chuck’s narrative as Sam’s demon blood and psychic powers. 

This is the core essence of Chuck’s story about them. The sibling dynamic that Chuck failed to free himself from, and that Sam and Dean failed to free themselves from after Chuck’s demise in 15.19.

Destiny. One must die so the other can live.

And considering the next 13 seasons of the show and the long and emotionally grueling character arcs Sam and Dean proceed through where they truly confront the core of who they are as people-- as individuals outside of their duty and destiny-- the finale ceases to make any sense outside of Chuck’s narrative for them. If 15.20 really happened exactly as we saw it on screen, then Chuck still won.

And they had to loop Sam and Dean all the way back to where they were emotionally at the end of s2 in order to make it seem plausible. Which, for those of us who actually care about what they endured after s2, makes the finale entirely implausible as a whole.

[ersatzangel]

Felt like it was time to start a masterlist! It’s mostly for fic, but I’ve got links to tags of my other stuff, too

Fic Tag | Art Tag | All my stuff

Find me elsewhere:

AO3 | Twitter | Instagram

--Multi-chaptered

no sincerer love | T | 15.8k Nov-Dec 2020

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” Except, maybe, for Dean’s love for Cas (and Cas’s love for him). This is their new relationship shown through six meals they share together when a newly human Cas returns from The Empty.

(AKA Five meals Dean makes for Cas and one Cas makes for Dean)

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knowing is the easy part | M | 16.9k Mar-May 2021

When Jack brought Cas back, Dean had thought things would be different between them. He wanted them to be different. He was totally prepared, or as prepared as he ever would be, to finally spill his guts to Cas.

All it would take, he had thought, was to find the words and then they’d both know, and it wouldn’t be everything but it would be a start. But he hasn’t been given the chance to say a damn thing, because since Cas came back he’s been avoiding Dean.

Now, it’s no longer only a matter of telling Cas he loves him, too, but figuring out what the heck is going on.

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the long way around | E | 13.5k Sep-Oct 2021

When Dean takes Castiel on vacation to a secluded cabin, Castiel doesn’t know what to make of it. Dean has been strange, on edge, since he rescued Castiel from the Empty, and neither of them has mentioned Castiel's confession once.

They’ll have to talk about it sooner or later, but a small part of Castiel hopes it's later. The thought that Dean planned the trip to clear the air between them fills Castiel with dread, hope, and a healthy dose of confusion. Has Dean done all this to let Castiel down gently? He couldn’t possibly return Castiel’s feelings…could he?

The only thing Castiel’s sure of is that telling Dean he loved him has changed things irrevocably—for good, or bad, remains to be seen.

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Christmas on the Range | M | 18.2k Dec 2021-Jan 2022

Ten years ago, the angel Castiel crash-landed on the Winchester-Campbell Ranch on his fall from heaven. He was found by Dean Winchester, a monster hunter, and the son of Mary Winchester, who inherited the ranch from her parents.

After a rocky start, Dean and Castiel ended up the best of friends…except when they’re having one of their arguments. Which they do. A lot. They’re also both in love with each other, each convinced their feelings aren’t returned.

When they have one of their fights just before Christmas, Mary devises a plan to get them back on friendlier terms again. Or maybe even more.

She doesn’t believe in Christmas miracles, but she’s hoping for one, anyway.

How to Woo a Guy in Six Days | T | 11.4k Feb 2022

(A guide by Castiel)

Released from the Empty deal with no repercussions, Castiel has time to think about happiness. Specifically, his own.

He’s thought about it before, about what could have triggered the deal when the one thing he wants is something that could never be his. Because it’s Dean, of course it is. Dean is his happiness.

Castiel could never believe Dean would love him back and yet the small chance he might was enough to still his tongue. And so he loved secretly, quietly.

But now, there is time.

There’s little evil left to fight, the world is as at peace as it will ever be, and Castiel wonders if, maybe, he might have his happiness after all.

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--One-shots

a movie script ending | T | 1.2k

Dean shakes his head. He doesn’t get this. This isn’t his ending.

But Cas is right there, standing in his doorway, so maybe Dean is wrong.

(Canon divergent after the first few minutes of "Carry On")

Also on tumblr

by the sea and sand | G | 2.3k

There’s a breeze blowing down the bay and the tang of salt in the air and it’s, well, peaceful. As peaceful as Dean has ever known. Dean waits for the restlessness to come, but there’s nothing there. Maybe the waves have washed it away.

(Dean finally gets his day at the beach with his family)

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older than you’ve ever been | T | 3.7k

It’s Dean’s 42nd birthday and he spends it in a way he never thought he would: safe at home, with the people he loves most.

Dean huffs. Now that his pulse has slowed, a new warmth spreads through him. Not the warmth of sleep, but something sweeter, tinged with the tiniest speck of regret. This is the first birthday he’s spent with Cas since Dean finally pulled his head out of his ass—after Cas was pulled out of the Empty—and spilled his guts right back the way he should have long ago.

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Jack to the Future | T | 3.8k

When Jack accidentally travels back in time, meeting younger versions of Dean and Cas, Dean learns some things about their future selves that just can’t be true…can they? (Inspired by this art)

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intervening time and place | T | 1.5k

It’s been six months since Castiel told Dean he loved him and Dean has a favour to ask.

(AKA the one where Dean wants to know if Castiel can put the handprint back)

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sleep and I shall soothe you | T | 2k

Dean has a nightmare and Cas is there to hug it better.

Despite everything, Dean’s lips quirk, and his heart feels too big. ‘You wanna cuddle?’

‘Yes, and I don’t see why that’s funny.’ Cas has hunched in on himself a little, even as he meets Dean’s gaze with a defiant tilt of his chin.

Accompanying art

to mend what is not broken | T | 2.6k

Being dragged out of the Empty did a number on Castiel’s wings, but Dean is there to help him.

Castiel can perform ‘parlour tricks’, heal small nicks and cuts, hear prayers and sense emotions in their broadest sense. He is still stronger than a human, but he can no longer lay waste to their foes with the touch of his palm. He still has his wings but they are as useless as they have been for years.

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pale sweet healing | M | 5.5k

Cas helps Dean bathe after a hunt.

They’re on the edge of something, Dean can feel it. Taste it at the back of his throat. It’s not the first time, not by a long shot, but each time it happens, lately, Dean is closer and closer to jumping right off and diving headfirst into whatever comes next.

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this simple feeling | T | 2.4k

 But Dean’s stuck on one word: husband. It skips in his brain like a scratched record. It’s the second time she’s referred to them as married and it’s… It’s fine, but it sets Dean’s mind wandering. He and Cas have been together close to two years—which…wow—and he still doesn’t know what, exactly, to call him. He usually goes for boyfriend, but it doesn’t seem enough. Nothing does.

In which Dean tries to find a word big enough for what Cas means to him (and lands on the nerdiest damn word ever)

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looking for a kiss | T | 2k

Cas recounts his date, starting with pulling her chair out and ending with the good night kiss.

‘That all sounds fine,’ Sam says, glaring at Dean again.

To Dean’s irritation, Sam’s right. Still, he shrugs a shoulder and says, ‘Maybe you’re a bad kisser.’

‘I’m not a bad kisser,’ Cas says, but he doesn’t sound entirely sure.

The one where Cas goes on a date, which doesn't end with the promise of a second one, and Dean does not get jealous and do anything ridiculous like dare Cas to prove he’s not a bad kisser.

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naive melody | G | 1.3k

Castiel would live in a cave if it meant being with Dean, but he can’t deny that he can breathe easier here. And it will be good for Dean, too. To live in a house where the sunlight can come in or where he can hear the rain against the window, even if it will take time to adjust to leaving the bunker.

Dean and Castiel settle into their new home.

Accompanying art

after you, who? | T | 1.3k

A series of snapshots of Dean’s feelings for Cas over the years.

He doesn’t know if he feels this way because of the handprint, or if there’s part of Cas that calls to Dean. Something deeper than divinity. Something kindred.

for a good time, summon... | T | 1.8k

Dean is drunk and horny, and more than a little lonely, so he does what any other red-blooded twenty-something would do: summons a succubus. At least, that’s what he was trying to do. This guy with the bed hair and trench coat is clearly not a succubus. And do all demons have big feathery wings?

of secrets and storms | M | 4k

‘Dean.’ Cas reaches out, cradling Dean’s face with muddy hands. ‘Dean, look at me.’

 ‘Anyone ever tell you you’re real pretty?’

‘No,' Cas says, 'you’re the first,’ and then he moves his hands to Dean’s stomach, and they’re glowing.

Dean and Cas have been hunting together, on and off, for a few months, now. It’s been cool, and they make a good team. But when a simple salt and burn on Halloween leaves Dean seriously wounded, Cas has no choice but to save him, and expose a secret about himself that might change everything.

blow some candles out | T | 2.7k

The first birthday Dean celebrates with Cas, and the most recent (but definitely not the last).

the darkest hour is just before dawn | T | 2.5k

Four times Dean calls Cas when he can’t sleep, one time he thinks about it, and one time he doesn’t need to.

lonely rivers flow | T | 2.6k

Dean is tired and he wants Cas to stay. Maybe this time, he'll ask.

‘No, I just…’ Dean runs a hand over his face and leans back against the wall. ‘I missed you.’ He stares at a spot across the hall, can’t look at Cas. ‘So damn much.’

Other:

Edit tag

SPN re-watch

[samwinchesterism]

hi i just need to take a moment to SCREAM about how badly they wrote sam’s response to meeting god in season 11. god!!! 11x20 is fine whatever, but ohhhh boy do i have beef with 11x21 my god 

so, okay. you have sam winchester, boy with the demon blood, lucifer’s true vessel, who has always felt unclean because of this evil inside him, and you have him canonically (at least at one point in his life) praying to god every single day, and expressing his desire for there to be a higher power so that “maybe [he] could be saved” from the evil in the world and the evil inside him. okay. and then you have him meet actual angels (who are dicks) and be bitterly disappointed that this is the thing that he’d been praying to this whole time. then you have him sacrifice his life and go to hell to be tortured for averting the apocalypse, the apocalypse that was enacted and endorsed by heaven to bring god back. and then goes through a whole other world of shit and then!!!!! and then!!!!! in season 11, he STILL has faith. he still prays to god at the beginning of the season for guidance, and genuinely believes that god is with him and that god chose him to help defeat the darkness. he believes it with his whole heart. 

and THEN. THEN. then he finds out from the entity that has viciously used, abused, tortured him, possessed him -- a torture so awful that the mere memory of it made his almost lose his mind permanently, the entity that he hates having a connection with more than anything, THAT entity - the DEVIL himself - that god was “never” with him. that this holiness that he thought could finally be his mission, instead of just evil and darkness, was a ruse by the devil to possess him - violate him - yet again. and it shatters him, you can see it (the writing doesn’t really address it, obviously, ever, but the acting does, thankfully). 

and then???????????????????? that’s it for a while pretty much????????  

but THENNNNN. then. then. they meet god. they meet god. they meet god. and one of the winchester brothers gets a nice manfully teary-eyed speech, replete with sadness and anger and betrayal, at god for abandoning the world and not intervening in any of the suffering that happened. “People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.”

and it’s dean. not sam. it’s dean!!!!! my god!!!! i literally had to close my laptop and take a walk to process this!!!!!! 

and how did they decide sam’s reaction to meeting god? the very same season that he got burned, badly, for still having faith despite everything? he’s fanboying. and that’s it, that’s literally it, that’s literally literally it. it’s like a bad, bad lazy copy-paste of sam meeting the angels in 4x07, except with these writers (buckleming) i’m not sure they’re even familiar enough with s4 canon to badly copy it? so maybe it was an independently bad choice? and 4x07 was fine because following his fanboyishness at meeting castiel etc. they addressed explicitly how sam was disappointed by the idea of god and heaven in the end, and dean cutely encouraging him to keep the faith was all very well-written imo. 

like. this is. this is unbelievable. 

but then it’s like, well it’s appropriate to give dean a dimensional, nuanced response to meeting god, because it’s not as simple as just saying, well dean never believed in god and didn’t keep the faith like sam, so he’s not going to react at all to meeting god - that’s fair, i agree, because we see dean struggling with faith throughout the show, so it’s all well and good that we should see dean struggle to respond to the idea of god as this deadbeat dad basically. so if there’s only space to give one brother a complex reaction to meeting god (which is a very very stupid premise but just bear with me it’s buckleming), then there’s an argument that it should be dean except 

later in the VERY SAME EPISODE, dean gets ANOTHER WHOLE SCENE WITH GOD, which this time is a one-on-one, where he AGAIN gets to give him a speech about  “we're not just some toys you throw away, i think you owe us more than that,” etc. twice!!! two times dean gets to address the fact that god royally fucked up in the same episode!!!! and sam is just fanboying!!! what!!!!!!!!!!!!! you had two spaces in the episode for the brothers to confront god, and you give them BOTH to dean??

like from a writing perspective, the “sam is getting visions from god but surprise it’s actually lucifer” plotline basically got dropped after 11x10 and the introduction of casifer and i guess that’s fine (it’s not but it’s not the thing i’m mad about at this particular moment), but would it not make sense to call it back when they actually meet god? and have that idea of faith in god be sam’s emotional throughline for the season, since it’s BEEN an issue that comes up time and time again in the show? i don’t even know what exactly i think sam’s reaction should have been, but it should have been complex (similar to dean’s first speech), it should have reflected that broken faith that happened with the “it was lucifer all along” reveal in the middle of the season because!!! it’s the same season!!!! and they never addressed it, they never even addressed the “i’m sure it’s god giving me visions and leading me on the righteous path” turning out to be “it’s the devil tricking me.” i’m not even asking for them to remember anything that happened in the rest of the show (i mean it would be good b/c this concept and theme goes way back to season 2) but holy shit. 

like, the only aftermath (i’m not even making this shit up i really really really wish i was) of sam’s time trapped with his foremost tormentor and abuser, is sam apologizing to dean for not looking for him in purgatory (which is a whole nother can of worms im not even touching it!! i’m not!! i can’t deal!!). that’s it. that’s it. that’s all. nothing else. 

and on top of that, the whole season you have this dean-and-amara connection, which ends up being the resolution to the WHOLE overarching plot of the season while sam just sits in a bar for the finale, and you don’t think that maybe, mayyybeeee, it makes sense to parallel the god-siblings with your main siblings and give some kind of meaningful narrative space for chuck-and-sam? but no dean’s gotta have the connection with amara (which is fine by me!! have nothing against dean having the mytharc) and then ALSO be the one to more meaningfully interact with god while sam just idk. asks him if he needs water. especially when sam’s whole arc in the first half of the season involved his amazingly unwavering faith in god after all this time and all this heartbreak and suffering? unbelievable it’s unbelievable!!!! why do i watch this show!!!!! 

[s11e17]

i feel like a lot of the sam vs. dean dynamic can be better understood when we understand their histories with violence and with agency. like, they both make bad calls and it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. it just means they have completely different approaches to bodily autonomy and consent.

like, if we consider gadreel, right. dean sees staying alive as a duty to your loved ones (e.g. he keeps Bobby in check throughout his suicidality in s6-7 by asking him to stay alive for Dean and Sam), and he sees keeping people alive as the ultimate way to show that you love them (which is why he gets so mad when he finds out sam didn’t look for him when he was in purgatory!). and this is a view sam subscribes to before lucifer — in 2.08, for example, Sam says that staying alive is the best way to honor their dad’s memory.

and then, on the flip side, we’ve got sam. post-lucifer, post-Cage, sam values choice and agency above everything else. his lack of control over his body is pretty explicit from day 1 — the pilot features sam getting kissed without his consent by the woman in white, and it’s a trend that follows him throughout the rest of the show. sam would rather have died than consented to gadreel’s possession — it’s why he says they need to respect castiel’s choice when cas consents to lucifer’s possession in 11.18, even though dean is going absolutely apeshit over the whole situation.

i feel like this boils down to their experiences of possession and agency. sam’s afraid of external forces taking over — demon blood, demonic possession, angelic possession. dean, on the other hand, is afraid of himself — his role as a torturer in Hell, the Mark of Cain, the fact that he blames himself for being coercively attracted to Amara in s11. so they’re both coming at possession from totally different angles.

if we return to gadreel for a sec, sam is clearly thinking of the whole thing as a violation. but dean just sees the violent result (i.e. Kevin’s death) as problematic, and he blames himself for it. he doesn’t see how possession is inherently violating, because he doesn’t have the context for it.

and that’s not his fault! dean’s clearly been through it, i’m not denying that. there’s tons of evidence for Dean as a survivor of sexualized violence (for example, we know based on 7.02 that he encountered vetala, who use sex to lure their prey), and Dean often gets bullied for his “delicate features” (6.01).  I feel like the fact that he has clearly and repeatedly experienced objectification of his body and violations of his consent means that he understands sexual violence as a complicated, difficult thing, and sees it as separate from possession.

the only time possession and sexual violence are conflated for dean is in 9.02, when abaddon makes sexually suggestive comments towards dean while trying to remove his anti-possession tattoo. it’s so exceptional that dean comments on it ("Are we going to fight or make out, because I’m getting some mixed signals here”). it’s the exception that proves the rule — usually possession isn’t tied up with sexual violence, so when it is, it’s noteworthy.

for sam, on the other hand, possession and sexual violence are two sides of the same coin. hallucifer’s offhanded “the rapier wit, the wittier rape” in 7.15 is pretty undeniable, alongside his numerous references to them being “bunkmates” (e.g. 11.10) — undoubtedly, lucifer is sam’s rapist. sam’s relationship with ruby is one of consensual-but-complicated sex. toni uses mind-entering magic in 12.02 to coerce sam into sex, thereby getting information out of him.

anyway. all of this is to say that if we can read either sam or dean with some measure of generosity, we can read both of them with that same level of care. dean’s understanding of possession as only potentially evil is a meaningful one. dean never learns the “lesson” Heaven tried to teach him — he continues to have agency over himself and his body (again, until s14, when Michael’s possession fundamentally changes Dean’s understanding of possession). Possession isn’t bad unless it makes you do something you wouldn’t otherwise do. Sam, on the other hand, understands possession as inherently violating.

i think one of the big themes i’m taking away from this fifteen year long saga is the broad theme of agency and the individual experience of autonomy. “team free will” isn’t just a stupid moniker — it’s an assertion of our main characters’ fundamental understanding of their goals and desires in the world (which explains why the show ends with their triumph over a voyeuristic god). in a post-God context (what a phrase.. ahhh supernatural), we have to wonder what free will on an individual level looks like for both sam and dean. now that all of humanity has "free will," what does individual self-determination look like for the lads???

[coffeeteaitsallfine]

ok.... it’s Vampire Boyfriend, Live Free or TwiHard time

(disclaimer i dont actually really talk about S6x05 live free or twihard, it just sounded catchy)

No, Castiel is not the archetypical vampire boyfriend but he is a very Edward vampire boyfriend-- Seasons 6 - 8 in nice little arc. No, he is not lustful (just in subtext). S6-8 (& a lil before that) Cas is heavily the outcast. He is not impure traditionally (until he gets those leviathans!! sick ahaha sera!!!!!fightme) but he does have a crack in his chassis. Cas doesn’t think about sex the way humans do but it’s not really about that. Human feelings let alone feelings for humans are sinful (hellooo nephillims being abominations) they’re just “mud-monkeys.” To the angels, Castiel’s love for humans is worth giving him lobotomies over and over. Falling in love with one is the worst sin (“the very touch of you corrupts [Castiel]”). He is thus outcasted! (this was all written pre-s12 so go with it)

Now, in twilight the sex subtext isn’t subtext, it’s repressed because this is a good little Christian novel of course. Edward the vampire is constantly repressing his thirst and they’re only able to be together with ease once they’re on equal footing. I’ve reread it just this year. It’s repressed and not just in Eclipse when he won’t have sex with her. Bella CLEARLY has a sex dream and Edward knows about it but they don’t talk about it. Anyway, the text is the whole “I’m a killer bella” not blood drinking though. He is repressing that so it’s under control. NO no Edward is a danger magnet literally just crushing her with strength or luring other people to kill her. Castiel’s violence pre-s6 anyway is framed as holy and because heaven commanded it, but the slaughtering of angels for no good reason? unforgiveable. Cas doesn’t tempt dean in any lustful way but just the fact that he’s Gay and in love is already too obvious subtext as it is thanks to S4-5, bringing sex appeal or tempting imagery here would be too obvious or overdoing it i guess and works for us so it doen’t come off as predatory I don’t think. Meanwhile for the proxy Meg Castiel is the pizza man. (whereas s9′s answer to that is...nah he’s the babysitter apparently lol ? lets not read into it). Note as I’m editing: Eve literally eve is a character is S6? I forgot this but oh my god make it stop.

Then in S7 Cas is all “I deserved to die” because he killed a lot of angels and bad people as Godstiel (hello eddie boy’s serial killer murder streak if you didn’t pick up on this yet). Then, obviously, he is not even deserving of LOVE he’ll just hurt everything and everyone around and probably dean too. Cue the early S8 New Moon subplot culminating in fallen angels because we all know the third ingredient for the spell that would expel angels from societyheaven and lock the door behind them, was an angel falling love with a human. At the same time, his angel grace is taken away from him, making him a human no longer “pure” or without sin in the eyes of heaven like adam. the first to fall causing all the angels to fall with him.

Now this doesn’t quite work the same way for dean from dean’s perspective cause why would it. He’s not the Laura/Lucy to Castiel’s Carmilla/Dracula. (This makes Benny’s placement in Purgatory for the love triangle (literally) so in contrast like Benny IS this story’s Jacob) He’s not scandalized by the prospect of falling love. He’s got complicated emotions & thoughts is scared to for vulnerability reasons plus his own sexuality issues but I beg you to see that as separate and not over think it-- Twilight is very repressed, Dean is extremely repressed, poor Cas. But! Dean feels completely “pure” in purgatory & wants nothing more than to find the angel the entire time. He is Bella Swan thinking the killer/monster is an Angel (see: Twilight Ch. 23 “The Angel”), the only angel. All the other angels (vampires) are evil dicks but not my angel :) Mine is powerful, strong, psychic, and sexy. he’s beautiful and perfect and will never love me the way i love him unless we are the same species, equals if you will. 

Castiel is the vampire boyfriend, but not in the old, traditional way rather in the inevitably “modern” (2000s--early 2010s) take, where the vampire isn’t preying upon your sexual purity but the wholesome family ideal (ie lisa/ben, raking those leaves, the cookouts ah yes how american)....ehh yikes sera gamble? s6 reeks of homophobia thanks, thanks a lot. Except well, also, dean doesn’t really want that life not entirely. Neither did bella either tbh until the end but lets not get into that, except twilight is the “wholesome” ending, the opposite in every way to traditionally evil (lol ykwim...) vampires. The show eventually moves into a middle space, a synthesis of horror and home-- where it should’ve ended as we all know. Anyway, while writing this I remembered the beginning of Season 6, when the modern version of the vampire boyfriend arc kicks in, was also when they had the episode “Live Free or TwiHard.” Is this coincidence? probably, maybe, idk. I started this post just wanting to make casward parallels cause it sounded right and I’m a deancas/bellaedward truther for the Jokes, a Good Time, and the hot takes. 

except no, with Carver finishing up S8 (bookending the arc nicely with the two gay truckers being soulmates), Benny is the old world would be tragic vampire boyfriend and they couldn’t last! Sorry benny it’s been real. Castiel is the modern twilight vampire boyfriend, without predatory vibes and since religion is more of a plot device than a theme, less Mormonism and heteronormativity. Plus this reading is just sexy and cool and I like to have fun 

[red-hood-vigilante]

hbo spn storylines, drabbles, ideas, thoughts, wishlist, whatever you may call it. it’s messy, nothing makes sense and pretty sure a lot of these contradict each other

more of sam at stanford with jessica/flashbacks. jessica potentially lives but is revealed to be a demon (but she developed actual feelings for sam and really did come to care for him because a demon falling in love with a human would be SO interesting) OR she lives but her memory gets wiped like dean did to lisa OR she dies like she did but she is a ghost that haunts sam (he welcomes it but eventually he lets her go -> character arc). he still dreams about her though and he has her keepsakes with him wherever he goes, her rings, her favourite book, anything that was left of her from the fire

you have to be extremely careful when making deals with demons because they are cunning and evil creatures. they will follow the rules of the deal but will find loopholes to put some sadistic twist on the terms. you want money? of course, too bad you’ll be arrested for fraud before you can use any of it and spend the next ten years in jail before i drag you to hell. you want a perfect husband? sure he’ll love you. in fact, he’ll love you so much he’ll keep you locked up in the basement to keep you safe etc etc. saving a person often becomes the person that causes or leads to your death.

the creation of jack: after s5, when lucifer is trapped in the cage again lucifer fuses his own soul with a human soul to create jack, who escapes to earth to find sam and castiel. i have a longer post about this saved in my drafts

lucifer is trapped for good in the cage after s5 but if he was to return again, dean would kill him while sam would kill michael - this would be nice parallels and a sort of fulfillment of the “one brother must kill the other” prophecy because one brother DO kill another brother, just not their own

more azazel and how he came to the plan of how to free lucifer; opening a hell gate earlier, more experimentations with the demon blood etc

mary was infected with the blood when she was a baby, sam is the first and only second generation special child (longer post about that here)

personally, i want to see more and know more about john and mary’s relationship. when mary died, john and mary had fulfilled their destiny (having sam and dean) so does that mean that his love and dedication to mary post her death was falsely fabricated by the angels to ensure sam and dean would grow up in ideal conditions to become hunters? or maybe, after mary’s death, john wakes up from the spell with two kids he doesn’t recognize and a wife he thinks he loved, but the memories of the past years of his life are like a fever dream; he never wanted to live in a town like this nor was he interested in having kids? but here the house is, and here are his kids, but now he’s alone and empty and with no answers. (idk i just find john and mary and their relationship very fascinating) if the latter, if john and mary see each other again it’s like the spell activates again and they become blindly in love with each other, but once gone, they return to their confused and hazey state of mind, like just woken up from a coma

i do like mary coming back but i love how in s5 when she wasn’t found in heaven it was hinted that she was just discarded because she had fulfilled her “purpose” and i think this adds to the whole notion of how heaven and angels can be really cruel AND how mary is this mythical, religious figure to both sam and dean and we only get to know her through their lenses, like religion and faith

ruby is present for a longer amount of time to make the reveal even more shocking. at one point or another, dean does actually trust her and they all work together on cases for a while. ruby’s backstory as a witch is more explored. i like her death in s4 because she’s in this total state of euphoria and has achieved a goal only she was entrusted with, and she is so convinced sam will understand, until sam holds her down while dean carves her heart out. so we either keep that or she serves lucifer for a while (until he kills her which she is happy about because of her blind loyalty to him, could again mirror dean and john/castiel and heaven) or she serves lucifer and like crowley she realizes lucifer will kill demons after humans (redemption arc, but i don’t really like that, let her be evil!!)

dean and sam helps bela out of her deal and she becomes their go-to person when they need a magic item or book. she doesn’t like it but she owes them. regularly hooks up with jo.

angels are really hollow soldiers - they only follow orders and don’t understand the concept free will or choice or individuality at all. they are extremely righteous and strike without warning often on a whim, often very bloody (explosions a la castiel in swan song). if something fall into what they consider justice they will kill it. no concept of love, attraction or gender. real form can’t be perceived by humans unless they want them to, which leads to eyes melting (pamela) or breaking a person’s mind (in 5.16 zachariah actually says that sam and dean sees him in his vessel bc they’re ‘limited’. so.)

castiel, anna, maybe uriel and some others are exceptions to this, but only becomes so after longer exposure to human’s world. even then, they don’t change their violent whims, just the reasoning and where their loyalty lies

hbo spn is s1-5 stretched out for 8-10 seasons with the aesthetics of s1-2. i’m cutting out demon dean, purgatory, the mark of cain, the men of letters, the alphas, leviathatan, god being the real villain all along and the other worlds because it was just too much and far remived from the roadtrip aesthetic. keeping kevin, charlie (she is introduced via ash bc they’re hacker friends), the trials, rowena, uuuh the angels falling is such an interesting concept but idk if it would fit. maybe metatron? but his motivations are different. soullessness + the concept of souls might be kept if it’s explained better. i’m torn on whether or not to include the campbells

hell, heaven and purgatory are explained but only seen in glimpses, keep these ideas ambiguous and up to interpretation outside of what we hear. remember the line ‘hell is...well, it’s like hell. even for demons’? leave it at that. the exception is 5.16 bc that episode fucks so hard

if we end on swan song and let the show be the tragedy it is, i want to keep the ambiguous ending. is that sam or lucifer? if it’s sam, will he contact dean or walk away? we will never know! there is also no ‘the world is ending’ more than once, it really lost its impact after the second or third time.

idk how i feel about the men of letters - it is logical that there would be organized hunting and an established network and system on how to do things, but for the sake of keeping it hbo-style and grounded, there are no networks beyond the roadhouse and singer’s salvage yard.

i want sam and dean not have a permanent home except the impala, motels and impala ONLY. the bunker had potential but it was just for the sake of convenience it was there with all the lore and answers they needed when it was necessary. maybe eventually they do stop travelling so much when it becomes more about the Big Stuff instead of the episodic cases that requires driving all the time but it will be like an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. i want sam and dean to never have a physical house as a home but they scrape together whatever they have make something similar to a show

as the show progresses, sam and dean become pretty hated by other hunters because they’ve started apocalypse and have an increasingly shitty reputation. and john was an infamous good hunter but also a dick. everybody knows that people who work with the winchesters often end up dead, that one brother will sacrifice anything and anyone to save the other and that they frequently work alongside demons. even the ones they DO work with (jo, ellen, bobby, rufus, bela) are hesitant to be involved with them

sam’s powers are strong but after killing lilith and the truth revealed to him, he represses the powers in shock and fear of how blinded he was by them and the rush of power they gave him. a little more about how sam fears what the lust for power and strength did to him. he continues to repress his powers, often to a dangerous point where he will be on death’s door as a result of not using them. when meeting jack and mentoring him in using his powers, jack asks him about sam’s powers after sensing them. sam eventually decides to lead by example and embraces his powers again, but remains extremely careful about using them (this also fulfills dean’s arc of having to let go of the holy-innocent-pure-ideal-not a person but an idealized version of sam-little brother sam he has put on a pedestal for so long)

bobby is viewed as a father figure by sam and dean but bobby makes it clear he doesn’t want that burden or relationship in his life after his wife died. he makes this clear to them too, but sam and dean have fucked up perceptions of parental figures so they don’t think bobby means it (they just latch on to whatever parental figures they can find)

we see more of sam’s relationship with the side characters; sam and jo hunt together on occasion, he hangs out with ash and talks hacking when visiting the roadhouse. he and ellen loves playing poker together. if anything, dean is the one who’s isolated - he only ever really cared about mary, john, sam and cassie, and never really had any friends. sam is way more well adjusted and sociable after spending time at stanford where he’s had conversations that didn’t only revolve around dead bodies and lore. 

this could also feed into dean’s extreme abandonment issues and isolation he feels and how this would affect his psyche

sam and dean are both unknowingly prepared to become the perfect vessels; sam loses his humanity by becoming more and more like lucifer (defying his father and his will) while dean becomes prepared by doing what michael did; casting his brother away in his time of need (blindly following his father and his will). very much like in s4 but even more intense and brutal (i love angst :))

we see different hybrids; demon/human (antichrist), human/(arch)angel (nephilim) and demon/angel (???), but none of them are all powerful bc narratively that’s really boring. they’re strong but have very specific powers that affects them and/or their surroundings in catastrophic ways (but no other worlds bs, we stick to the road trip aesthetic, keep it grounded). i want the only all powerful character to be god but he doesn’t show up at all, he’s the ultimate absent father. is it chuck? we never find out!

powers would for example include giving people diseases, force anyone close to them to tell the truth (not consciously, it’s just the air around them), read minds, create storms, light things on fire when they’re angry, make people hallucinate etc. like fucked up shit but not things that are too grande because again - that’s really boring

abbadon, the princes of hell and the four horsemen are more fleshed out villains instead of the one season reign the each had. 

being a prince of hell is a title that is inherited - after azazel dies, sam gets the title because he is the one with azazel’s blood in him OR meg does, but idk if that would be as interesting (if she actually was his daughter)

it remains a horror show throughout, lots of gore and blood

the moral code and ethics of the brothers are the opposite of the beginning; dean thinks in black and white, sam sees shades of grey and individuals instead of what they are. however, as the show progresses, their train of thought becomes opposites; dean becomes more open to how people are true evil and how monsters are often victims of their circumstance while sam becomes harsher and less forgiving after ruby’s betrayal along with finding out the truth of his existence and how there’s been demons around his entire life. eventually they’re on the same page and they see the circumstances. 

on the other hand; i also really fuck with the idea of dean maintaining his black and white morals on that all monsters=inherently evil, humans=inherently pure and good, but he is the only human on team free will. sam is half demon, castiel is an angel, jack is a nephilim, rowena is a witch, garth is a werewolf, mary is a zombie etc

demons become demons in hell by agreeing to become the torturer and thus giving up their humanity to be free of pain, does that mean they could become humans again by regaining some humanity? by doing good deeds? (potentially this is confirmed with jessica and how she came to love sam; genuine love and care for a human could reverse the demon process?) this also means dean was a demon in hell but was purified/turned back again when castiel raised him. this also plays into dean becoming like michael; in trying to absolve himself from what he did in hell he becomes ruthless, unforgiving and righteous to evil, much like the angels, regardless of his personal connection to a person and what he would consider “evil”

dean and pacifisim: after dean is cured from being a demon/the mark of cain/is made aware of his blind righteousness that he used as an excuse to kill, he becomes firmly determined to reign in his anger and violent tendencies by becoming a pacifist (like sam in s11) as a way to redeem all the blood he’s spilled. of course in his profession and true dean fashion he won’t be able to do it 100% so he decides to only act in self defense, and he only goes batshit violent on the offense when it’s about protecting sam

OR. dean’s self righteousness becomes his own downfall; the belief that all evil must be eradicated, refusal to see the circumstances and the shades of grey is what pushes him to lose his humanity and become a demon and therefore, in a potential ending the ruler of hell, because i think it would such an interesting journey from a to b, that dean starts out human, revels in his holiness, executes and kills in the name of his own holiness in the belief that he’s becoming the ultimate angel, the ultimate hero when it’s doing the opposite. if this happened then sam would take the opposite route; starts as a human, becomes more and more demonic, stops himself and returns to his hopeful and optimistic self, has faith and humility and that is what makes him ascend from abomination to purified and holy (trials). 

this could be a perfect 10 season structure as well: s1-5 are when sam and dean start off humans; dean becomes holy and as close to an angel a human can be, while sam drinks the demon blood and almost becomes one to gain the freedom and power he wants, but begins to turn it around to send lucifer back to hell. s6-10 is when dean becomes the unholy and sam becomes the holy even though neither realize because now there’s no grand master plan - this is who they are, who they choose themselves. don’t know how this ould end though; either as normal humans again (but there wouldn’t really be a ”normal” after everything) or they really go off the rails with sam like ruling heaven (not as god though, just as a good and just man) and dean ruling hell. castiel is human and stays on earth with jack.

the gothic americana aesthetic is kept throughout the entire show and is only shot on film

after s5 castiel returns to heaven to help restore order, and he takes charge for a little while, but eventually returns to earth after trying to introduce democracy to angels who didn’t get it. in his place, anna takes over and she rules heaven well (after trying to kill mary when going back in time she isn’t killed by michael, but narrowly escapes and remains in hiding to heal until castiel reaches out and finds her)

when finding out they are The Vessels and will be brought back regardless of what they try, sam and dean explore what this means more. dean throws himself into dangers and to protect others. he is burned, blown up, stabbed, electrocuted, beheaded and eaten, but wakes up the next morning in his bed without a scratch, without any pain and memories of his deaths. he revels in this untouchability. sam kills himself over and over only to be resurrected again and again by lucifer. he remembers the pain and blood.

that being said, while dean is like angel royalty, sam is demon royalty. the demons don’t go after him, they don’t hurt him. some even offer up themselves to be drained of blood, even after lilith’s death. it makes it really difficult to stay clean but he pulls through with dean and castiel actually supporting him. to help sam get through his addiction, dean stops drinking alcohol and they go through their withdrawal together

the angels almost worship dean as the michael sword and have an open disgust towards sam for being lucifer’s vessel - they always answer dean’s prayers and calls for help, they follow his orders if need be and don’t hesitate to heal him if he needs it. sam could pray until his vocal chords bleed or call out for help while holding his guts in his hands; none of the angels would come to his aid. the only one who answers sam’s prayers is lucifer as a voice in sam’s head or a hallucination. sam could call demons to help him out but he refuses

sam isn’t the first hunter to drink demon blood, to try to enhance his own abilities using the supernatural as a means to get there - there are hunters who have altered themselves with parts from werewolves and vampires to become better hunters, like the styne family (the guys from s10), blurring the lines again of what’s good and human vs what is evil and inhumane

if angels can’t find a vessel to volunteer, they will force them to say yes - the how is not important, only that the ‘yes’ is said, whether its meant or not, any verbal yes will do. the angels never sleep and they never eat, which is disturbing to sam and dean who are exhausted all the time and eat scraps whenever they can

castiel, like all other angels, is taught to despise and not care about sam winchester at all, but the more castiel gets to know sam, he becomes fascinated with him, how lucifer’s ultimate vessel, starter of the apocalypse and destroyer of god’s creation can be so kind and gentle, so full of faith, acceptance, optimism and hope. in dean castiel sees a good man, yes, but also a man who’s bloodthirsty, rages, revels in war, resorts all problems with violence, loves conditionally and expects unquestioned loyalty. sam too, has a darkness and bloodthirst in him, but it only comes out in glimpses. castiel thinks it’s funny, how sam turns out to be the opposite of lucifer while dean is so alike michael

[demonologist-in-denim]

What if in earlier seasons, Crowley was written as an amiable ally for the boys, rather than them disliking him. Imagine Crowley being established as “not as bad as other demons” in the Winchester’s eyes, as a semi-reluctant ally who – yeah, on occasion, puts his own interests first, but never directly threatens and even occasionally helps the boys. He’s still snarky, and he can still be an arse. But the boys know that as long as they don’t cross him, Crowley won’t mess with them. From Crowley’s end, that’s because keeping good relations with the infamous Winchester brothers is to his benefit. But then, they start to grow on him. And maybe he’s a little more lenient with the flannelled nightmares than he should be, a little indulgent, rolls his eyes and does a few favors for them. Which only further encourages the Winchesters, and later a less willing Castiel, to view him as a frenemy.

The rest of the early seasons is the same, except now, moving into season 6, the boys are willingly working with Crowley and Cas. They don’t like the idea of opening up Purgatory, but they understand that Hell and Heaven really do need to be taken in hand – and who else are they going to trust to do that? As things start to look really dark throughout that season, the boys start pushing back, start testing their relationship with both angel and demon, and Cas still betrays all of them and takes the souls for himself. And now there’s season 7, with Crowley working with the boys to stop Cas – Dean wanting to save him from himself, Sam and Crowley unhappily planning to kill the angel – Sam because he doesn’t think Cas can be saved, and Crowley because he wants his share of the Purgatory power. Unleash the Leviathans, and now we’ve got the King of Hell working closely and willingly with the boys to stop this new threat. Demons at their disposal, even. Which doesn’t put Crowley in a very good position in Hell, but he pushes on because it’s this or let the Leviathans eat the world. The Winchesters plus Crowley and a now restored Castiel manage to defeat the Leviathans, just as the demons rise up and dethrone Crowley. Hell is a free-for-all, and demons are loose in the world.

Then have all of season 8 be about demon in-fighting and the human casualties along the way. The boys work to get Crowley back on the throne, so he can restore some order. But that also means he’s temporarily dependent on them, in hiding with them from his former minions. Leads them to the Men of Letters legacy, which in turn leads to the bunker. Bring the British Men of Letters back in seasons earlier, alerted to the awakening of one of their old establishments in the States. Throw Abaddon into the mix, providing a competitor for Crowley laying claim to the throne, which would make him more susceptible to the help offered by the Winchesters, and unfortunately to the supposed support of the BMoL as well. By now, Crowley’s an unofficial member of Team Free Will, the boys well aware he chose saving the world (and them) over giving his full attention to Hell, leading to all this. There’s the sense that the four of them – plus Kevin and Charlie, at this point – are all in it together. Maybe even Meg is still around, maybe she’s trying to lead one of the demonic factions, and there is this whole I-care-about-you-but-we’re-on-opposite-sides between her and Cas. Crowley has softened, the same way Cas softened over time with exposure to humanity and the Winchesters.

Of course the tablets and Kevin came into play with the Leviathans. The BMoL reveal they have the demon tablet, and suggest Kevin might be able to find something on it to control demonkind and restore Hell. Big dramatic reveal to the Winchesters only, the BMoL admit that there is a means of closing the Gates of Hell permanently on the tablet – learned from a previous prophet whom, ahem, did not survive their duty – and now the Winchesters are torn between sparing the world from demons and betraying Crowley. Crowley, who is counting on them to help him get his throne back. Crowley who has begrudgingly and then more willingly worked cases with them while they’ve tried to find an answer to all of this. Crowley who led them to the MoL and the bunker in the first place. Who isn’t as bad as the rest of his kind, who Dean likes to go for a drink with and might even consider a friend. And just as the Winchesters decide they can find another way to close the Gates, Kevin discovers the necessary spell, and the BMoLs take advantage that there is a demon close at hand, and snatch Crowley to perform the demon trials.

And by the time the Winchesters race to his rescue – torn, because ending the trial means not closing the Gates, but damn it, he’s had their backs, so they’re going to have his – Crowley is in the last hour of the cure. Tells them to let it happen, let the trial be complete, the Gates slammed shut. His own soul restored. But there’s that whole thing with Metatron and Cas and the angels going on, so of course this is the moment the angels are cast out of Heaven. And Abaddon bursts in, maybe Meg comes to challenge her. And in all the chaos, the cure is never completed, time’s up, too late. The boys defeat the BMoLs, rescue Crowley, escape. Cas is lost somewhere in the world, human after what happened in Heaven.

Season 9 would be almost completely the same – Crowley’s blood addiction, searching for the Mark and the Blade, Abaddon, the angels, all of it – except, the Winchesters actually sympathize with Crowley. They express concern, ask after him, say maybe having regained something of his soul is a good thing. And Crowley is torn, because he can now really feel that affection he has for the boys, and he might very well have the option of a place among them, but also he knows Hell needs a ruler to keep demonkind in line, and he still likes power. The boys help him overthrow Abaddon, help him get clean of his blood addiction. Maybe there’s a scene where Crowley and Meg compare notes – he who went through the cure, and she who cares for an angel, neither of whom really fit with demonkind anymore. And by the time the season reaches the later episodes, with Crowley back on the throne and the boys working cases while trying to figure out what to do about Metatron, Crowley is an acknowledged, secret extension of Team Free Will. Makes changes to Hell, keeps demonkind under tight control, helps here and there on cases.

All of this, all of this headcanon, just to get to the point where the boys are always making side comments to Crowley about, you know, how if he wanted to give up Hell and join the three of them full time, he’d be welcome. Come on, just work one more case with us. Just this one about hellhounds. Just that one with vampires. Just one more, one more, one more. And Crowley acquiesces more than he knows he should. Cares about the boys and Cas more than he knows he should, hates Hell and demons more than he knows he should.

So that by the time the Mark takes Dean and turns him into a demon, it’s not only Sam and Cas that are hurt by it. It’s Crowley, too. Crowley who sees Dean turning into something truly evil, something worse than Crowley himself is now. And he agrees with Sam and Cas that he’ll take demon!Dean under his wing as his second-in-command in Hell until they find a cure, a cure for the Mark as much as for being a demon. Season 10 is all about Cas (who’s grace is fading) and Sam working to find a cure while working cases, and Crowley trying to keep Dean occupied with hunting down rebel demons and the like. He even sends the Knight of Hell after angels, to capture more grace for the fading Castiel. Throw Rowena – as Fergus’ ex-wife – in there, attempting to convince Crowley to share his throne with her, causing mischief. He would feel this deep sense of loneliness – demon!Dean isn’t the companion he was before the Mark, Rowena only wants power for herself ultimately, demonkind hates and is in open rebellion against him – and Crowley is beginning to admit to himself that he just doesn’t have this in him anymore, to be the kind of monster it takes to rule Hell. Maybe Dean even tries to take the throne from him, with Rowena’s help, and the acceptance by the demons of this alternative ruler is everything Crowley needs to finally break from old loyalties and the desire to rule, from demonkind entirely.

Realizing the situation is entirely out of control, Crowley, Cas and Sam work to capture Dean. They convince Rowena, who has now taken the throne of Hell for herself, to remove the Mark, thus removing a threat to her reign. Crowley makes an oath that if she will do this, he will never seek to retake the throne. An enraged demon!Dean is forced through the demon trials, in which he says the most horrible and hurtful things to Sam and Cas. And to Crowley, cuttingly demanding to know why the former king will put Dean through this, restore the hunter’s humanity, but not his own. Crowley doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t have an answer because he realizes that, once, he would have said it was important he hold Hell, or that he wanted the power that came with being a demon, or that he was scared of facing what he’s done as a demon. In light of everything that has happened – the complete rejection by demonkind and the loss of Hell, the revulsion he feels after the aborted cure and Dean’s own time as a demon, and knowing he has a place here on Team Free Will – Crowley realizes he no longer has a reason not to complete the cure.

And in the last hour of the cure, with Dean almost entirely restored to himself, the hunter understands the demon better than ever before. Tells him, one of these days, it’s going to be Crowley in this chair, the cure coursing through him, the three of them gathered around him, supportive. And Crowley knows he’s right. It’s no longer a question of if – only when.

Once they’ve completed the demon cure, the boys set about removing the Mark, with Rowena’s help. And removing the Mark unleashes the Darkness in the world. In season 11, the Darkness should have been something much more insidious, and dangerous. A force which slithers into people, bolsters the innate darkness that is in everyone, turning people into their worst selves. And it controls demons utterly. They are mostly formed of the Darkness, after all.

And for Crowley and the cure, “when” is now. It is that, or fear turning on the people who used to teasingly ensnare him in “just one more case,” who would embrace him as one of them if only he’d allow it. And now, he’s finally ready for that.

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 31: 7x05, 10x03, 11x03

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

October 21, 2021

7x05: Shut Up, Dr. Phil

Written by: Buckleming

Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

Original air date: October 21, 2011

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean get caught in the middle of a feud between a married witch couple.

Features:

Hexed Romanian coins, Dean likes Bewitched, a complete lack of communication between a couple, feuding married witches, the boys catch a leviathan.

My Thoughts:

This episode is… fine? I guess? I didn’t really have any strong feelings throughout it at all, except mild frustration with the dialogue being clunky whenever the brothers talk to each other, especially when Sam is trying to get Dean to open up.

The deaths were pretty creative, but other than that there isn’t really that much going on in this episode. Even Dean’s ongoing alcoholism is explored in the least subtle, most boring way.

Honestly, for a Buckleming episode, it could be worse.

Notable Lines:

“There's always something eating at me. That's who I am. Something happens, I feel responsible, all right?”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 5.5

IMdB Rating: 8.2

10x03: Soul Survivor

Written by: Buckleming

Directed by: Jensen Ackles

Original air date: October 21, 2014

Plot Synopsis:

Sam continues to try to save Dean from the Mark of Cain. Realizing that Dean's antics are causing problems for him in hell, Crowley seeks help from a reluctant Castiel.

Features:

Who is the real monster?, Crowley pines for Dean, Cas and Hannah road trip, Crowley provides angel first aid, Dean stalks Sam through the bunker, Dean is made human, Rowena arrives.

My Thoughts:

Ok to be honest I didn’t take good notes in these last two episodes because curly hair is a fucking bitch to manage and I was doing a wash day and maintain and blow dry. So I watched these two episodes during that time.

My sister @meg3point0 was miserable today and hated the episodes, I thought they were mostly kind of blah. Like yes, a day of only episodes written by Buckleming is always going to be bad, but honestly it could have been way worse, so I’m counting my blessings.

I think it’s very funny that Cas tries to subtly tell Hannah that he doesn’t want to fuck her. I’m obsessed with the way both of their minds work. It’s pretty fun to watch Dean stalk Sam through the bunker, although I wish we had gotten a more gradual shift from demon to human in the behaviour, not just in the ability to get out of the devil’s trap.

It is annoying how fast Crowley drops Dean. I want to see him pine pathetically more, and they could have made the demon Dean plot last a lot longer and done a lot more with it.

The Rowena introduction at the end did rule.

Notable Lines:

“You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since …Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you.”

“You act like I want to be cured! Personally, I like the disease.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 6.5

IMdB Rating: 8.3

11x03: The Bad Seed

Written by: Buckleming

Directed by: Jensen Ackles

Original air date: October 21, 2015

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean try to help Castiel recover from Rowena's spell, while searching for Amara who has now grown into a young girl. Rowena tries to use her powers to protect herself from the Winchesters, while Crowley tries to use Amara for his personal gain.

Features:

Rowena tries to form a mega coven, Cas continues to be a rabid dog, Sam’s deal with Rowena is revealed, Amara grows into a teenager.

My Thoughts:

Kind of fun Stacked coincidence that both of these episodes feature Crowley realizing he’s gotten in over his head after trying to use some kind of evil creature to his own ends.

This episode is the best of the bunch for me because it features Dean wrapping Cas in a little blanket at the beginning and then tenderly cradling his face after letting Cas kick the shit out of him. Like Destiel book ends!

The rest of the episode is mainly making Rowena look like a weak loser rather than the badass that she is, more clunky dialogue, the standard Buckleming sins. Unfortunate for all of us that they had seniority and got so many plot-heavy episodes.

Notable Lines:

“You must stay fixed on our purpose. Even we cannot undo what's already done. But as you grow and become stronger, your true destiny will become clear to you. I am what you are becoming. And we are mightier than God.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 6.9

IMdB Rating: 8.2

In Conclusion: We’re almost through this huge swathe of Buckleming episodes, guys. We can do it.

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[casmick-consequences]

okay um sjdghs yeah thank you for not being mean or thinking I was mean cause I really wasn't! I do really like your blog (we are mutuals and I *think* you know me by name) but zjdgsh jack still isn't Cas coded for me, tbh. He might LOOK like Cas but sjdgsh his literally story was based on his powers othering him (sam), killing his mother (sam) and eventually being manipulated into doing something bad by accident and no bad intentions (sam). he is also infused with very obvious daddy issues (the sam kind more than the Cas kind) and if you thjnk about it I prommy there's not a lot of similarities between his and cas's personalities (except for that they're both wonderful and I love them but that's beside the topic) like Cas plotlines usually go like: huge sacrifices for love, hugely misguided attempts to make everything right, loss of powers leaving him abandoned. while sam (and jack) plot lines are the opposite because it's the ABUNDANCE of power that leaves them abandoned (by Dean, cough, cough) and while cas's powers are seen as desirable throughout the show (when they ARE seen, of course :/) sams were evil and Jack's were evil and they were supposed to be thought of as evil (by us, the narrative and dean) for using them ! So...yeah? also sjdgshs I hear you on the Dean not being a John girl just because he wanted his affirmation so bad and would do anything he said for it — but the jack Dean situation is not exactly the same because the moments that they use to show us that jack loves Dean aren't ones where dean has any expectations from him to be/do good per se???? it's things like fishing and being a dork on a case and they "make jack the happiest he's been" so...? (Plus I DO believe that jack really wanted Dean's approval and Dean to think of him as good, and family but it just...isn't in the same way as John. Dean WAS a dick to jack and it might johncode him but Jack's behavior doesn't s1-dean code him 🥺) so im gonna stick with jack being a samcoded deangirl who looks a lot like Cas actually ajdgshs (also yeah Dean is both a samgirl and a casgirl, he has the range, although you saying he HAS to be a samgirl cause they're blood is kinda weird because I really do think he loves and stans sam as family (in a COMPLETELY non incestuous way oh god) and not just because he has to cause of the script (like some bloggers these days think...which just. what show did you even watch bestie) but yeah. also, if we had to choose, I'd definitely choose sam as a casgirl. Because he appreciates him and looks up to him and cas's opinions really matter to him and he believes in him and wamts him to come home and thinks of him as best friend and family :)

Listen bestie. I get your points, I'm willing to say that Sam's a Casgirl bc he loves his bestie and always tries his best to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe even more than Dean's done.

HOWEVER. Let's go back to the part where you don't think Jack is Cascoded because their plotlines don't match. (Also; Sam didn't kill his mom. Azazel killed her 6 months after his birth. As for the manipulation thing; that happened to all three of them at some point.)

Let's look at your namings of Cas's plotlines:

huge sacrifices for love

Jack literally gave his life/was ready to give his life to save the Winchesters&Castiel on multiple occasions. He kneeled down before Dean's gun because he felt he deserved it, he wanted to kill himself in 13x23 to save Sam and the others, and his entire arc in season 15 was about sacrificing himself to kill God and Amara. So that Sam and Dean could finally be free.

hugely misguided attempts to make everything right

point I mean; this speaks for itself. Things go wrong and Jack always tries to fix it, even if it doesn't turn out well. A GREAT example is everything that went down with him and Dumah; him trying to make Heaven a better place (making angels, killing non-believers, etc) because he believed it'd make Sam and Dean happy, and it would redeem him from killing Mary. In fact, his soulless arc was pretty close to Cas's Godstiel arc. I could even pull up a few parallels for you.

loss of powers leaving him abandoned

He lost his powers in season 14. And yes, he wasn't left on the streets like Cas was. HOWEVER, he felt just as lost and abandoned as he did. Not physically but definitely emotionally. He had no one to connect with and felt useless and hopeless. He stole someone's grace afterwards, though, just like a certain angel we all know and love.

I get what you mean and Sam and Jack do have similar story arcs. But Jack has similar story arcs with all three of them, and he shares all their characteristics because he's their son. All three boys are his dads, but he only has one father and that's Cas. I just think he happens to share more of Cas's personality because he has the same squints, the same awkwardness around humans, the same confusion about specific trivia and the same love for the Winchesters.

Let's just agree to disagree at this point sjkfjsdklf we could go on and on about this.

I enjoy this, though <3 this is fun. I love getting to talk to you ppl about this stuff :D

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

You are the one in my heart (Part II)

(11x13)

Hello! I bring to you another meta from this collection – the second part! We will keep talking about broken hearts and how in love Dean is with Castiel. I know you love this topic. And I just decided this will have a third part because I have so many things to say...

First of all, I want to say thank you to @destielle , she's the beta reader of this mess. Thank you for making my meta look so pretty 😘💕💕

Cheating and love triangles

Episode 11x13 is titled 'Love Hurts' and it fits perfectly because, remember how Dean felt so hurt when Casifer tried to use him as bait? Okay. We all agree he suffered a heart break then, and that’s why the Banshee could get to him. Now, this episode talks about broken hearts, too… but also about a cursed kiss: Amara's kiss.

The episode opens with a husband cheating on his wife with their babysitter. It’s a love triangle functioning as a Destiel mirror, but they add in some spicy confusion to the subtext: Melissa (the depressed wife) is the Cas mirror, we have Stacey, the babysitter, for Amara and Dan as Dean.

So when we have Stacey saying: "Ew, I can taste her mom lipstick…you’re telling her tonight, right?" we get the mirrored thoughts of Amara after kissing Dean, who is, too, already taken, compromised – bonded with Castiel. 

And when Dan says: "I told you it’s not that simple. Mel and I…we’ve been together since we were your age. We have a house, a baby…we have a whole life together." He's talking about marriage, a serious commitment, which works as the perfect parallel to Dean and Castiel’s long-term relationship.

So when the Qareen appears in the form of Dan and rips Stacy's heart out from her chest (and vice versa a little further into the episode), we are still talking about broken hearts. But we get confused because Dan admits his love for the babysitter, and therefore could never hurt her. Because you don't hurt the one you love (obviously if Dean had listened a little closer to Dan, he surely would have recalled that nefarious chat with Casifer where he proposed to put Dean in danger).

So, going with the assigned roles, let’s say if Dan is Dean and Stacy is Amara, does that mean when Dan is saying he loves Stacy, not his wife, that Dean loves Amara, and not Cas? No. Not at all. Because the upcoming scenes and what Dean says by the end of the episode will clarify: THE KISS AMARA GAVE HIM IS A CURSE AND HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH HER.

Now, I want to share with you my beta's clarifying thought, that calmed my shipping heart...

"Hi, destielle here, rudely taking advantage of beta’ing to add a thought: I think the babysitter merely posed as a temptation, something Dan tried out because it’s kind of forbidden and dangerous and therefore exciting, plus conquering a girl stimulates his self-worth but - breaking up with his wife never really was a heartfelt intention. Because getting it on with the babysitter is not only a clichée, but also only fun for a little while, because everything, in the end, will lose its newness and therefore allurement and so I suspect he knew that sticking to what he has, a long-term thing that lasts, is the better road to go by far. Plus there’s a difference between true love and excitement induced infatuation. The ladder will fade, love will last and grow stronger bc it’s built upon a solid foundation."

This is so true, and couldn't be more agreed! Thank you Hannah! 😚💕

The Cursed Kiss

This was a very blatantly straight forward episode, because first it was opened with a recall to AMARA's kiss to Dean. And then they showed us how the Qareen’s curse jumped from one to the next victim via kiss. So, you have a deadly kiss, a cursed kiss… The mark of Cain’s kiss, darkness’s kiss, AMARA's kiss… that wasn't love, that wasn't good. AMARA's kiss is dark, bad, cursed and deadly.

AMARA's kiss poop? 🤣

Who's in Dean's heart?

We already know the answer, but let's dig into it anyway…

The first scene with the Winchester brothers takes place in the Bunker's kitchen the morning after Valentine's day and Dean is having a hard time trying to restore himself… he's walking funny on his way to the fridge… if you know what I mean. But mostly we wonder why that is. He's not the guy for a one-night-only-girl anymore, so what was the matter? And immediately after that question we asked ourselves Dean says this to his brother…

Sam: Is that a hickey? (Dean spits out his food)

Gif set credit @spnwhenever

Dean: And? It was valentine’s day. I can’t help it if I’m a hopeless romantic.

Sam: You got half of that right.

Dean: Just doing my civic duty. Helping all the single ladies. You know the best thing about February 14th. You don’t have to be Mr. Right. Just Mr. Right Now

Sam: That’s classy

Is this the old Dean talking? Nope, definitely not. It’s Mr Dean ‘Broken-hearted’ Winchester talking. And we get it now… Saint Valentine's day, he wasn't with his Mr. Right (Cas)... He just took what was right in that moment. It’s very very sad. But Dean needs to frame it more classy, to make it more cool.

Now, I want to talk a little about Melissa. When she realizes she maybe went too far with her spell, she turns to Dean and Sam, and she says this…

Melissa: yes. A return to love spell. All I had to do was chant it and seal it with a kiss. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I swear. I just wanted my husband back.

This is sad too, and gives us, if we take that as a feeling mirrored from Cas, a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he said ‘Yes’ to Lucifer in the cage. And again it’s the motive of the CURSED KISS, one with dark intentions… we already learned AMARA's kiss is bad and not good, but now we get even more confirmation of this when Dean kisses Melissa, taking the curse on him that way. WE GET IT WRITERS!

Gif credit @clairvoyantsam

Sam: So the curse is transmittable?

Just like Cain's mark, the curse, the kiss, the love spell, all of them are transmittable.

Sam: Apparently not in him. The person who holds the Qareen’s heart is the one who commands it.

Sam is giving us a lot of clues here: Who has AMARA's heart? Dean. But who has Dean's heart? Castiel. So Dean can direct his own will to reject AMARA's offer. And this is the secret why DEAN CAN RESIST HER.

So, with this statement in our heads, let's analyze the Qareen’s and Dean’s encounter…

The Qareen takes the form of people’s darkest desires. So… he took AMARA's shape.

The Qareen sensed Dean's longing in his heart, but it failed in personifying it. Because Dean's darkest desire is not dark, it’s full of light, but is hidden, because it’s so repressed. His deepest is a secret, it’s his love for Castiel.

Amara: Who I am doesn’t matter. The real question is who are you?

Dean: What do you mean who am I?

She can't read him, Dean Winchester is a mystery, she can't get to his true feelings, she can't reach them. Dean has them sealed away very, very deep down in his soul. Like a treasure.

Amara: You’re a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it’s cloaked in shame. When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in.

When she says Dean Winchester is a mystery it’s because she really can't read the truth in him, but she knows it’s somewhere in there. She feels it, but can't quite grasp it. And she says 'it's clocked in shame.' Because it is, because Dean Winchester is ashamed of his feelings for Castiel. He knows he shouldn't feel how he feels for his best friend, for a ‘man’, for an angel. He thinks he doesn't deserve him. So, when the Qareen touches herself saying 'when it comes to this, you can't help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in.' It’s simple when it’s about women, when it’s about a curse, a love spell, the attraction is there, the curse is there, he knows it, but they're not Mr. Right. They're just there… the girls on Saint Valentine's Day are available and Amara is almost irresistible because of the curse. But Dean Winchester doesn't give in to that because he loves Castiel.

And then, Qareen!Amara can’t rip Dean's heart from his chest. Because she is not the one in his heart.

We need more evidence? What about this last dialogue between Sam and Dean…

Dean: It was Amara

Sam: That surprise you?

Dean: That doesn’t surprise you?

Sam: Honestly?

Dean: Honestly? You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire?

Sam: She isn’t?

Dean: No! She can’t be!

Gif credit @samwinchesterlesbian 👇

Dean puts all his fierceness into these words, BECAUSE HE IS SURE! HE KNOWS POSITIVELY IT CAN'T BE, BECAUSE HE LOVES CASTIEL.

Sam: Why not?

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah

Dean is afraid of the power Amara has over him, that’s it.

Dean: Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run her through. Send her back to that hole she crawled out of. But when I’m near her, I don’t know. Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that. I’m screwed man. We wanna kill the darkness. We need to kill the darkness. And I don’t think I can. I’m sorry to do that to you, ya know, but when it comes right down to it…

The most important thing here is that Dean is aware of the curse, of the power, he knows what Amara does to him, and he is sure that it is NOT LOVE. How can he be sure that it’s not love? BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS, BECAUSE THERE'S SOMEONE IN HIS HEART ALREADY, AND THAT'S CASTIEL.

To Conclude: 

If the episode with Mildred showed us Dean was pining for someone, telling us Dean is in love with someone, then this one is yelling in our faces that person isn't Amara. And if it’s not Amara plus ‘cloaked in shame’, and Dean has gotten his heart broken recently by someone we know, we are talking about the same person: Castiel.

So it’s logical! And we made the equation just like the writers wanted us to solve it: DEAN WINCHESTER IS IN LOVE WITH CASTIEL, BUT HE'S ASHAMED OF THIS FEELING. AND AMARA HAS A DARK POWER OVER HIM THROUGH A TRANSMITTABLE CURSE: CAIN'S MARK. CANONICAL FACTS! But yeah, I'm not discovering a new world here...

I hope you liked this mess. See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links: Vol. LXII, LXIII, LXIV, LXV.

Buenos Aires, June 16th 2020 18:45 PM

[shadowywerewolfqueen]

Djinn Dreams

“Dean,” Sam and Cas called out together as they finally located the missing Winchester. Dean was hanging from the rafters in the middle of the room. His wrists were wrapped in chains and were pulled so far above his head that his feet barely touched the ground. There were multiple IV lines in his arms, each one full of blood being pumped into collecting bags. Dean’s head lolled on his shoulders, a small string of saliva hanging from his open mouth. His skin was deathly pale, and Sam prayed they weren’t too late.

Cas and Sam quickly removed the IV lines and carefully laid Dean on the dirty floor. Sam put two fingers to his brother’s throat and sighed with relief when he felt a pulse. “It’s weak, can you replenish his blood?” He asked the angel who was kneeling next to him.

Cas put his fingers to Dean’s forehead and in seconds, the color returned to Dean’s skin as his body once more had enough blood to sustain it. He checked for any other wounds but there were none. The djinn had done what they always do, knock their prey unconscious, and then drain them of their blood.

“What are we going to do? The djinn could come back at anytime, but one of us has to go into his head to bring him back,” Sam said as his eyes scanned every shadow of the room.

“I’ll go and you stay here. I can enter Dean’s mind without needing dream root and can exit at will,” Cas replied, looking around the room as well.

“Ok, just be careful. Who knows what you’re going to see in there,” Sam said cautiously.

“Probably him relaxing on the couch with an endless amount of beers, burgers, and pie with Dr. Sexy on rerun,” Cas deadpanned.

Sam grinned. “If Dean’s life wasn’t at stake, I’d be busting a gut right now because you’re so right. Now go, find him, and bring him back.”

Castiel nodded once before placing two fingers on Dean’s forehead. The next instant Cas was standing in the middle of a large kitchen. Sunlight streamed through the multiple windows and there were three pies cooling on a rack next to the stove. Cas smiled at the desserts before looking around for a glimpse of Dean.

He was startled when a little girl suddenly ran into the kitchen, screaming, “Papa, papa, pick me up! Save me from the evil monster!” She flung herself at Cas and he just managed to catch her. Her dark brown hair was askew, and her green eyes were alight with laughter as Cas lifted her up. She quickly wrapped her arms around Cas’ neck and her legs around his waist, giggling all the time. “Run papa or the evil monster will catch us,” she cried in between her laughter.

The next instant, Dean rounded the corner and ran into the kitchen, a large werewolf mask covering his face. He howled as he came to a stop, staring straight at Cas and the little girl. “I’m the big bad wolf and I’ve come to gobble you up,” he cried in a fake monster voice before rushing towards Cas.

The little girl screamed while Cas just stood there, utterly confused. Dean stopped just short of running into them. He grabbed the mask and pulled it off his head. His hair was spiked up and a few beads of sweat ran down his face. He looked at Cas, his green eyes full of confusion. “You ok baby?”

Cas didn’t answer, thinking Dean was talking to the little girl. He was stunned when Dean reached out and cupped his cheek. “Baby, everything alright?” Dean asked again as he took the little girl out of Cas’ arms.

He set her on the floor and kneeled in front of her. “Mary, why don’t you go play in your room for a little bit? I think something is wrong with papa and we need to have a grown-up talk. We’ll play more after dinner.”

“Ok daddy, I love you,” she said as she pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek. She ran over and wound her arms around Cas’ leg. “Love you too papa, hope you feel better.” She squeezed Cas’ leg before letting go and running out the kitchen. He watched her go, his heart beating erratically.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Dean’s dream life was with Cas, settling down and starting a family together. He was prepared for almost anything when he entered Dean’s dream, anything except this.

He was pulled from his thoughts when a pair of strong arms slid around his waist. Dean was staring at him with concerned eyes. “Baby, are you ok? You’re looking at me like I’m a ghost or something.”

Cas couldn’t do anything but stare at the Dean in front of him. He had the same blonde hair, green eyes, freckles, and plump lips as his own Dean, but that was where the similarities ended. This Dean didn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders. His eyes weren’t haunted by death and destruction. His hands were smooth, and his arms were free of scars from hundreds of hunts. There were laugh lines on his face instead of lines caused by stress and worry. This Dean was much softer that the muscled hunter Cas had come to know.

“Cas, you’re really starting to scare me,” Dean said frightened.

Castiel haltingly reached his hand out to run his fingers from Dean’s hair, down his cheek, to finally rest against his chin. “Dean,” he whispered.

Dean’s lips lifted at the corners in a small smile. “Hey sweetheart. Everything ok? What’s going on in that head of yours? You’re not still stressing about the parent teacher conference tomorrow, are you? I thought we were just going to relax until we knew what the results of the testing were.”

Cas continued to stare at Dean with disbelief. “This is your dream?”

“Huh?” Dean asked with a head tilt that perfectly imitated Cas’.

“You could have dreamed up any world you wished, and this is what you came up with? You and me?” Cas asked.

Dean pulled away, looking at the angel suspiciously. “Cas, what the hell is going on with you? What do you mean I could have dreamed up any world I wished? I mean yeah, this is better than anything I ever imagined because it’s real.”

Cas shook his head, hating the words he had to say. “This isn’t real Dean; this is all a dream.” He dropped his eyes, feeling his heart breaking. “We aren’t together, and we don’t have a wonderful domestic life with a house and a cute little girl. I’m an angel of the lord and you’re a hunter along with Sam.”

Dean stepped back, glaring at the angel. “Why are you saying that? Did I do something wrong? If you’re mad at me, just tell me, don’t make up some ridiculous lie!”

Cas sighed heavily. “Please Dean, don’t make this harder than what it already is. We both know this isn’t real! You were trapped by a djinn and this world is what your brain made up after being injected with their poison.”

“Liar,” Dean shouted. “Why are trying to take all of this away? I thought we were happy together.”

“I wish we could be! I want you so bad; I have for years but I never imagined you reciprocated those feelings. I do love you Dean, I just didn’t know you loved me too,” Cas said as he stepped closer.

“Of course, I love you, how could I not?” Dean asked as he pulled Cas into his arms. “I have from the first moment I met you,” he whispered before sealing his mouth over Cas’.

Their lips bumped and slid against each other as they traded tender kisses. Cas knew of one way to make Dean realize the truth and it pained him to do so. He brought his wings from the astral plane and let them wrap around Dean in a gentle embrace.

Dean broke the kiss with a gasp as he stared at the black feathers. “Cas?” He whimpered. With a shout, he suddenly bent over, cradling his head between his hands.

“Dean,” Cas cried. His wings instantly disappeared as he reached for his friend. When Dean looked at him, it was with recognition and despair.

A single tear slid down Dean’s cheek as he whispered, “It was just a dream.”

Before Cas could say anything, he was thrown from the dream world and the next moment he was standing beside Sam. He looked down at Dean to see the hunter staring at him with pain-filled eyes. “Cas,” he whined.

The angel helped Dean to his feet, never letting go of his hand. “Dean, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could give you that world.”

Dean chewed on his lip, refusing to look at Cas. “Did you mean what you said?” He finally lifted his gaze to Cas’. “Do you really… lo-love me?”

Cas frown turned into a soft smile and his eyes lit up. He stepped into Dean’s personal space, one arm wrapping around Dean’s waist, the other around his neck. “From the moment I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,” Cas whispered before capturing Dean’s lips in a passionate kiss. He poured all his adoration and devotion into the embrace, hoping Dean would understand.

When they broke apart panting, Dean’s eyes were shining as he said, “This is better than any world I could ever dream because this is real.”

“Yes, it is,” Cas replied before once more kissing his human.

Tagging: @lonewolf34500 @notwithd @flowersforcas @starrynightdeancas @cockleslovesdestiel

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Rebellious Soul: Chapter 5

Pairing: None

Summary: Y/N is having a hard time coping with the fact that her friend is gone and now her best friend is back, but there is a new player in town. The ultimate leader of the Rebels, Commander Ruby. Will Y/N be able to defeat Eve or will she give up the fight to mourn the loss of Dean?

Warnings: Mentions of torture.

Word Count: 1324

A/N: I realised that what I had posted, and what I had written were two completely different things. So I went through an edited this chapter, along with Chapter 6. I have major plans for those two chapters, and I got away from my original thought process. Also, as you may have noticed, this is loosely based off hunger games, but it's with a twist. I hope y'all are enjoying this series so far. Thanks for the understanding and patience.

"I thought that the Colt was just a legend?" I asked looking between Gabriel and Charlie.

"Well supposedly, but there are more facts out there proving that it exists more than there is proving it doesn't. When thinking about stuff like this, I go with the facts."

"Alright then. I guess I should round up my gear and head out. The faster I can find my guy the better. I have a feeling it won't be long before Eve figures out what we're planning."

"Good idea. Why don't we head out together that way we could both hit our people and both know with having to relay the information to multiple people? That way Eve doesn't find out as quickly."

"I agree. Gather everyone interested and let's head out in ten. I have to speak with Sam before we leave."

"Sounds like a plan."

Gabe and I headed off in different directions. I hadn't seen Sam since we heard about Jessica. It was hard for him not knowing whether she's alive or not.

"Hey Sam. How's everything?"

"Better. At least getting there."

"I feel so bad for what happened to Jess. I'm sorry she got dragged into this."

"Don't be. She knew the risks just like everyone else. Trust me you didn't do anything. Ruby told me what you did for her, and that is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I never expected you to give up this opportunity to get revenge on Eve for Dean."

"Did you not hear what happened? The theories at least?"

"No. I haven't really wanted to listen to what people have to say about the matter. He's gone and I can't have him back. It hurts because we were close. We grew up in this together. He was like a brother to me."

"I know Sam. I wish there was more I could do to help you cope other than the fact that we are going to get him back. I don't care what anybody says, Ruby promised a rescue and amnesty for all of them. Including Dean."

"What does everyone say happened to him exactly?"

"That Eve had taken him hostage. Tortured him in unimaginable ways. Using him as their poster child to rid the world of Rebels. She won't stop till we are all dead or worse under her spell. Killing us off is her main goal, and she has the biggest inside man we had. She has the means of destroying us if she truly wanted to."

"I know Dean is our biggest and best weapon we had against her. He was building a case file on how to kill her. Said that he was doing it for someone special. I could now only assume that's you."

"Why me though?"

"Because you would want revenge. He knew your father died. Apparently he also knew how, and it's not how you think it happened."

"I knew he was killed, but I never told anyone because no one would believe me. They all knew I hated Eve from the moment I first saw her. She is clearly nothing but evil, and I will stop at nothing to defeat her. We have everything we need except the weapon to kill the thing that can kill her."

"What is that?"

"A special gun that can kill almost anything with a single bullet. We need the gun to kill a Phoenix. It's ashes are the only thing strong enough to kill her."

"You're not talking about the Colt are you?"

"Afraid so. Do you happen to know someone who might know it's whereabouts?"

"Yeah, but I would save him as a last resort." Sam warned.

I knew perfectly well who he was talking about, but this was a chance to get the upper hand on Eve. I wasn't going to let him tell me otherwise. I couldn't risk Dean's life on a last resort situation. He was our last resort.

"I'm sorry Sam, but this is that type of situation. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get Dean back. For all of us, not just me. He meant something to everyone, which is why this betrayal is the worst we have ever seen."

"I know, it's just, he is bad news. I wouldn't go to him unless no one else truly knows the whereabouts of the Colt."

"Fine. But if no one else does, or even if they hesitate for a second we move to him, got it?"

"Yeah now go and save Dean. For all of us."

Gabe, Ed, Harry, Michael, Castiel, and I all headed out in search of our first lead given to us by Gabriel and Cas who have known this person, well rather Angel, for a long, long time.

"Balthazar. We are here for knowledge on a weapon we seek the location of!" Gabe yelled through the thick of the forest.

As I have stated before each creature lives in a designated section of the world. If ever caught out of their designated area, they were immediately killed off. This was a beautiful lush forest that looked like a Heavenly paradise Perfect for the majority of it's heavenly inhabitants.

"Ah, Gabriel and Castiel. What brings you two traders back home, and with humans too?"

"Enough Balthazar. We need to know the location of the Colt."

"Ooh, temper. I say, is this how you got daddy to give you your favorite toys? Well that tone doesn't work on me Mikey." Balthazar spat.

I had to agree with the Angel, Michael was being a little too straight forward.

"Balthazar? We seek the location of this weapon for a good reason. Please will you help us?" I asked kindly, gaining a gentle smile.

"I wish I knew, but sadly I don't. Maybe if you five hand over the girl I will suddenly remember."

"He's lying." Gabe simply stated.

"How do you know?"

"He only wants Y/n because it will earn him and the others a spot at the big kids table. He doesn't really know where the weapon is. I say we move on."

"I agree. Let's head out."

"Okay, you got me. I really don't know where the weapon is. I'm only in charge of the Angelic weapons. The rest go through Crowley. He will definitely know where this weapon you are seeking for is. I swear."

"I know. Sadly Crowley knows everything about this gun." I whispered walking away.

I knew exactly where to find Crowley. We had a few talks here and there, but I have never asked him for a favor as big as this one.

"Crowley! We need to talk! It's about the Colt."

"Hello darling. It's about time."

"I know it has been a while, but I need you to pull in that favor of mine. You know the freebie before you start charging?"

"Yes I know what freebie means. Why do you want this Colt so bad? It doesn't even do anything."

"It's important."

"You want to kill Eve don't you? Well sorry to break it to you, but sadly she is one of the four beings this won't work on. Been there, tried that."

"We know it doesn’t work on her, but it will work on the thing that can."

"Oh. Well in that case here."

Then the gun appears in his hands and he tosses it to me. I looked at the gun in awe. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. Now all we needed was to get to the Phoenix mountain without being caught by Eve and her stupid henchmen.

"One last thing. Well really two. Don't let her know I'm working alongside you and two DON’T miss your target! Kapeesh?"

"You got it. Don't let Eve know and don't miss."

"Good." As quickly as he appeared he was gone again.

Now all we needed was to find these Phoenixes and find Eve. Things were starting to go in our favor.

SPN Tag list:

@atc74 @bella-ca @canadianspnhunter @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @ericaprice2008 @impala-dreamer @impalaimagining @katymacsupernatural @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @mamaredd123 @masksandtruths @mirandaaustin93 @muchamusedaboutnothing @our-jensen-ackles-love @roxyspearing @sea040561 @snffbeebee @spnwaywardwitch-blog @squirrelnotsam @torn-and-frayed @winchesterprincessbride

[badwolfe359]

Just Be

Another post 15x19 coda because I'm losing my mind waiting for the finale and this is my attempt at self-care

Read on AO3

Read on FF.Net

Everyone is back.

Bobby, Charlie, Donna, Eileen.

Everyone. Right back where they were when they got snapped.

Sam embraces Eileen, tears running down his face.

Charlie shoots a questioning look at Dean, a look that says what the hell happened? but he just shakes his head and pulls her in, blinking hard to keep from crying.

They make their way back to the bunker, feeling lighter than they have in...well, ever. The biggest bad to ever bad has been defeated and the new God is basically their son so, #blessed or whatever it is the kids are saying these days.

Sam disappears off with Eileen. Dean walks into the library and stops.

What now?

He should be happy.

He is happy.

They defeated Chuck. No evil hanging over their heads. No one pulling their strings. They're free.

Free to do what?

He collapses into a chair and stares at the initials carved into the table.

Everything he has been avoiding thinking about.

Everything he has been avoiding feeling.

There is nothing, now, to focus on. There is nothing to distract him.

His mind takes him back. To the despair he’d felt when they’d barricaded themselves in the dungeon. Realizing that Chuck had been responsible. That he was going to die there with Cas. That everybody was going to die. And he couldn’t do a damned thing.

And then the hope. When Cas had turned and started telling him about The Empty.

...

I made a deal to save him.

The shock at first, at hearing that Cas had made a deal. The worry that had risen up in him at what it could possibly be

The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness

The fear at hearing what the price was. And then confusion at why he was bringing it up now.

I wondered what it could be, because the one thing I want...it's something I know I can't have.

Possibilities flew through his mind. What is it that he wants that he can’t have? Getting his wings back maybe? Restoring heaven? Rejoining his kind in his home? Another thought crept forth but he had pushed it away. No way could Dean Winchester be the cause of an actual angel’s happiness.

But I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.

Saying it. Saying what? What could Cas possibly have to say to Dean that would let him be happy? A small morsel of hope had begun to bloom in his chest but he tamped down on it. In no way would this lead there. In no universe would Castiel’s happiness include him.

I know how you see yourself, Dean.

No.

You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken.

No.

That's what drives you. That's who you are.

I AM broken. So what is this?

It's not.

No.

Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.

No.

That is who you are.

He was having trouble computing. The kernel of hope in his chest was expanding but his mind was still refusing to accept that Cas meant anything of what he was saying.

and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me.

Knowing Dean had destroyed him. Knowing Dean had gotten him killed, made him weak, damaged and destroyed, vaporized and crazy and hunted and vilified. Knowing Dean had taken an angel that was capable of astounding feats and chained him to a life of pain and misery.

I cared about the whole world because of you.

There were tears sliding down his cheeks. Dean had never seen Castiel cry.

I love you.

His mind raced. How could this awesome, powerful, celestial being take one look at Dean Winchester and think he was worthy of this? How could this literal angel believe that sacrificing himself for Dean was even remotely the right thing to do. He begged Cas not to do it. Not to leave Dean with this. Because there was no way he could live up to the person Castiel saw him as.

A creeping, liquid sound from behind him made him turn and there it was, The Empty.

So it must be true.

He turned back.

Billie broke through the warding on the door.

He needed to say something.

What could he say?

Time was running out.

Goodbye, Dean.

...

He has thought a lot about it, in the intervening days. What would he have said? Words had never been his strong suit. He was a man of action. But there had been no time for that either.

He has never thought of himself as a good person. Has always figured his role was to hunt monsters so that other people didn’t have to. Spending forty years in hell certainly hadn’t helped in that regard and it had only gotten worse, first the Mark of Cain, then the Darkness. If there is one thing Dean knows, it’s that he is not, has never been, worthy of anyone’s love.

Especially not that of an angel.

And yet Castiel professing his love for Dean is what had called The Empty. It had made him happy enough for the deal to be completed.

When Chuck had looked up at him and called him a killer, it had thrown him right back into that quagmire of self-loathing except this time, the hope that had bloomed had taken root. He hadn’t really thought about it before he’d said it. That’s not who I am. It had taken him aback a little to realize that he actually believed it.

He stares down at the initials and pulls out his knife.

Footsteps echo in the empty halls of the bunker.

He looks up.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean sits, paralyzed.

“Cas.”

The angel smiles.

“How…”

“Jack.”

Dean stands on shaking legs, his breathing shallow.

“He told me what happened.”

He takes a few tentative steps forward, thinking for sure that any moment he is going to wake up or Cas is going to disappear or he’s going to turn out to be Lucifer…again.

“How you guys saved the wor-”

The hope that had been born the moment Castiel said out loud everything that they had been dancing around all these years, that had faltered when he’d opened the bunker door after it had carried him in a mad dash up the stairs, but had not died, that had instead, fueled him to keep going, to be kinder to himself, blooms so brightly and Dean picks up speed, careening into the angel and pulling him tight with everything that he has.

He lets out a stuttering breath. He can feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes but for once, he doesn’t try to hold them back. He feels Cas’s arms wrap around him and he sighs into it. He feels Cas’s eyelashes brush his neck and he presses his cheek against the angel’s hair.

They stand in silence, holding onto each other.

“You can have it.”

He mumbles it into Castiel’s trenchcoat. Cas pulls back.

“What did you say?”

Dean knows there are tear tracks on his face but he makes no move to wipe them away. It is time to stop running, time to stop deflecting, time to stop ignoring what is right in front of him. He’d just stood up to God, he can do this.

The angel in front of him believes he can do this.

“You can have it. All of it.”

Castiel frowns and his head tilts. Dean laughs and rolls his eyes.

“I love you too, you idiot.”

Cas looks shocked, his eyes wide. And then he surges forward, and Dean meets him in the middle.

It isn’t groundbreaking or earth-shattering. There aren’t fireworks, or cannons, or explosions. 

It feels like watching the highway stretch out into the sunset with the windows rolled down.

It feels like that first sip of water had after he’d clawed his way out of hell.

It feels like sitting on a dock in the sun, fishing.

It feels calm and serene and perfect. Like everything has slotted into place and the world has let out a great sigh of relief.

They’re interrupted by Sam’s pounding footsteps.

“Hey, Dean! Have you seen-”

He cuts off as he skids into the room and stops.

He stares at them. They stare back, Foreheads pressed together and Dean’s hand still on Cas’ cheek.

“Cas.”

“Hello Sam.”

Sam lets out a few shocked breaths before his face breaks into a wide grin.

“About fucking time.” He lets out a soft laugh of relief.

Dean lets out a laugh too, closing his eyes and pressing a kiss to Cas’s forehead and then turning back to his brother.

“You wanted something?”

“Not important,” he shakes his head, “I guess I’ll leave you guys to it.”

He turns to leave and then turns back.

“I’m really happy for you guys.”

Dean tamps down on the instinct to turn and run from the sheer volume of emotions currently happening in his vicinity and instead nods.

“Thank you Sam.” Castiel answers for the both of them.

“It’s good to have you back Cas.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Sam looks to Dean.

“Hey, Dean?”

Dean braces himself for whatever is about to come.

“Yeah?”

Sam’s eyes soften.

“I’m proud of you.”

The urge to run from the moment is strong but he fights against it and nods, his eyes swimming with tears. Castiel’s hand squeezes his shoulder and he feels safer, braver.

He clears his throat.

“Thanks.” He says softly, looking back at his brother.

They share a moment before Dean has had enough and breaks eye contact, “Now get out of here, bitch.” He is only so strong.

Sam chuckles, “Whatever, jerk.”

He disappears off into the halls of the bunker with one last smile. Dean turns back to Cas who is looking at him like he is the center of the whole universe. Dean feels that warm swell of hope calm to a placid ocean of love and he lets himself just sit and bask in it.

No more running.

Happy to just be.