#because UGH don't we all want that??? someone who can see the beautiful person beyond our self-loathing

[avonsdrabbles]

Hi! I seem to have rambled on to your blog

Weird question! How did you get into (if you ever did) examining and taking apart literature?

For us it's Merlin BBC cuz nothing new has come out for it in over a decade. It's 5 seasons long but at some point you just run out of content but yk, still wanting to talk about it we started drawing on narrative themes picking apart and inspecting the dialogue to figure out each character's intention. I'm glad to say it held up really well

& we're asking people whom have interacted with the degree that forces literature upon you how they started cuz it's interesting

On ask? On my main? It's more likely than you'd think--

Anyways, hi, love the snakes, love the planet, love the ask! It's unsurprisingly a little complicated for me, so bear with me.

I knew I liked English in middle school, but that wasn't dissecting text, that was writing. But that's where a love for language formed, and I started writing more and more. Back then, tho, I HATED dissecting literature, because it felt so pointless. "What did the author mean by this?" I don't know, I can't ask them, Margie! Ugh.

But then, I had the worst English teacher in my entire life in high school. She was, simply put, batshit. She rambled on and on about how fairies were going to take her soul and stole kids things, how cameras were the work of the devil and could also take your soul, how English would heal people's souls...

Really obsessed with souls ngl. Bit weird.

Anyways -- she was god awful. And she changed the curriculum multiple times so we could read what she wanted. The year I was supposed to read Romeo and Juliet, we read Midsummer Nights Dream instead. And by god, everything this woman said pissed me the fuck off. SHE FOCUSED ON THE IMABS? IMABIC PENTAMETERS???? I'm sorry, woman, can we discuss the puns here?! Can we discuss the authorial context of Shakespeare making this play within a play something commoners could enjoy while mocking nobility and the scandals at play, while (sorry, foaming at the mouth in rage and lust over literature).

Needless to say, I dove straight in. I'm one of the lucky ones who could understand Shakespeare without trying. It didn't take any energy on my part to parse the iambs, and I found a lot of beauty in the poetic nature of it all.

The next year, I was ready to fight, but I promptly had the best English teacher of my entire life, the one who taught me more about teaching than anyone else, and who I cite as the reason I became an English teacher. And she really fucking opened my eyes to the intricacies of subjectiveness in English. See, I'm a very stubborn person, and I'm very my-way-or-the-highway. I used to be very mathmatically inclined because there's only one right answer. Sure, you can get that answer a lot of different ways, but only one thing is right. English frustrated me because it seemed like I could say any fucking bullshit and have someone nod and say "Profound."

This is the teacher that taught me that's a feature, not a bug.

Through a little something called Waiting For Godot.

It is, by far, the worst play I've read. It's also my favorite. What sort of 10th grader gets to read an analysis of God that features pet play BDSM? THIS one. (This was also outside of the standard curriculum, but it was the end of the year, so all bets were off I guess).

This was the play where we dove in, read it, and without any discussion of the play, had to write an essay about the theme the author was presenting. All of us felt so lost. The symbolism didn't make any sense. There seemed to be no theme, beyond maybe "Waiting for someone who will never come is painful."

And then, the day before we had to write the essay... We had a substitute, following her lesson plans, and he was one of my favorite SEIAs (special ed instructional assistants). He was the exact same level of batshit as I am.

He SLAMMED his hand on the whiteboard, stared at us as we looked back in shock, and screamed, "ABORTION." He then went into a 40 minute diatribe about how the author of the text was very clearly explaining pro-life VS pro-choice mentality, leaning pro-life, but conversely making a pro-choice argument through the use of the discussion of Christian free will. He used sources. He used text evidence. By the end of the talk, all of us were nodding, clapping, acknowledging that he HAD to be correct!

And he stopped, stared at us, and laughed. "That was all bullshit."

He'd pulled it all out of his ass. And it made perfect sense to us all.

That's when I figured out that literature is what YOU make of it. Literature is all about interpretation; sure, there's tropes to follow that help guide our interpretations, but at the end of the day, words mean whatever you think they mean.

THAT'S what got me into lit analysis.

(And, oddly, homestuck)

[softedgessculptures]

"I need to manifest it!" "I want Armin" who?

Who wants these guys? Who's asking for this dude? Why do you want someone so badly?

There's someone out here to wish for? Our brain is almost entirely made up of compositions. Serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, these are some of the substances that give us a feeling of well-being, which can even be activated. But beyond them, if they didn't exist and we didn't need any humor and emotion, what would we feel here?

First, in order to feel what we feel, we have already gone so far as to study how our mind and the organ that houses it, called the brain, works? The eyes, at first, are organs of the human body that filter lights and reproduce images like a camera, giving us all the vision and color we can have out there in our human capacity; which has even been proven not to be able to filter some different lights and shorter-wave rays as ultraviolet and longer-wave rays like infrared for example. We need devices to see. Some stars in space need computers to "simulate" colors that we cannot see with our naked eyes. Not to mention the dark matter that we haven't figured out yet.

None of this exists, it's just waves of energy and light basically.

Going back, if there were no Instagram, Tik Tok , Facebook, if there was no capitalism or the United States, what would there be to obsess over? If none of this existed? Is there that influencer dude showing off in Las Vegas while you're working? That girl showing off her dozens of dresses (she doesn't wear them) while you don't have anything to wear? Worse, imagine all this, you on your cell phone watching people dance and record their beautiful faces as while people die in wars? And then you waste your life looking at them for 15 seconds or less and then forgetting soon after, with a memory more lost than any fish in the seas?

Regardless of spiritual beliefs, I have something for skeptics and pragmatists as the ego likes. There are confirmed studies who claim that we don't even really touch each other. Reality is made up of matter, and matter is made up of atoms, and they don't really get closer to each other to collide. The inside of an atom is practically entirely empty and I didn't even have to Google to copy anything because I already knew that. Atoms don't even move when we look at them and that's FUNNY

Beyond the atom, we have waves of energy, and beyond energy? What's up? Who's there?

You.

Not your ego, nor your personality, nor your name, nor your body. I mean 'You'. The I Am that makes everything from the energies rush to keep the atoms going in your bodie, to the fiercest waves in the sea and constructions ever made, the stars are our bright creations that are born and reborn at our blink. This text is not Amanda talking to any mutual, "it is Consciousness talking to Consciousness" — as Robert said.

Why idealize someone? Why on earth will happiness depend on other people or on the >possession< of money? "These are years of evolution. We seek comfort, security, and reproduction" yes, but what if we didn't?

I sound like an idiot and ignorant but I'm really questioning all of this. As Lester said "let the body do what it must do, it will know for itself." The body is here, but it doesn't mean that here is where I belong too.

Finally, WHO IS ARMIN ARLERT??? WHY ALL THIS TIME I WAS PASSIONATE FOR HIM????? THIS IS NOT DHHSJSJS UGH

[randynova]

♡𝓜𝔂 𝓦𝓸𝓶𝓪𝓷♡

𝓖𝓾𝓷 𝔁 𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: 𝐴𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒, 𝐺𝑢𝑛 𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑡𝑜 𝐺𝑜𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑓 𝑖𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑠 ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔(𝑠):𝐹𝑒𝑚!𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟, 𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓, 𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡(𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝)! 𝐺𝑢𝑛

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

“Why couldn’t this have waited until another day?” Gun muttered, unbuttoning his shirt, letting it slide off his taut frame, and neatly folding it, placing it onto the roof of his car. He was glad he hadn't put his jacket on, having left it in his passenger seat. “I can’t dirty my clothes again, [Name] will be mad if I get blood on it.” He rolled his broad shoulders until they released a satisfying crack, his thick muscles bulging as he stretched his arms across his scarred chest. Gun peered at a nearby store, the digital clock displaying in big white numbers, ‘7:45 PM’. He groaned, his lips curling into a scowl whilst his arms fell to his side. He didn’t have enough time to deal with this.

“Hmm, and it’s almost time for our date. Fuck.” Gun whispered to himself. He clenched his fists, narrowing his eyes at the man across from him. He removed his shades and revealed his dark gaze, placing his favorite accessory to his side as well. “I’ll make this quick, Goo. I have more important places to be.”

Goo laughed, grinning in his spot as he balanced a pole in his hands. He rolled his eyes, arching a brow at his partner. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, Gun, maybe if you didn’t spend all your time by [Name]’s side, we could have dealt with this matter much earlier. That girl has you wrapped around her pretty little finger, huh?”

“Shut it,” Gun said, already racing towards the blonde and thrusting his fist, knuckles colliding with metal. Upon the cold sensation meeting his skin, he wanted to absolutely kill Goo and rip him to shreds. This would take longer than he wanted, wasting his already precious, short time. He backed off, having a considerable distance between the two, stretching his fingers a few times before clenching them again. He growled, spitting venomously,  “You just like picking fights.” 

“You did too. Before you met her, y’know,” Goo tutted, waving his finger in the air. He scoffed, voice low, “Who would’ve thought? Gun going soft for a girl. Psh, pathetic. Never thought I’d live to see the day...” The blonde trailed off, his face becoming stoic, his mind wandering. You truly had to be someone exceptional if you managed to have a guy like Gun to fall for you. He always wondered who you were, how you looked like, what you did, but Gun had kept you a secret from the world of crime. He hid almost every known trace abou you and tied every loose end that implicated you existed. No one knew who you were and no one could find you — unless Gun allowed them to. 

Goo found it so irritating how he was unable to know the girl who made such a notorious gangster go soft. 

He only met you once and that was by pure sheer luck; dropping by unexpectedly at one of Gun's apartments, only to be met with the sight of you. Seeing how Gun reacted, he knew you were supposed to be kept hush-hush. But boy, did he have a field day the next time he saw the man.

Goo had to meet you again. Or at least, know you more.

Only when Gun’s fist connected with Goo’s face did the man snap out of his thoughts, the impact of such force throwing him a few feet backwards. He dug his feet into the floor, a high-pitched screech coming from his shoes as the rubber burned against the pavement. With his sleeve, Goo wiped his cheek, seeing a speck of blood staining his clothes. Goo chuckled, standing up straight with a grin, “If I can remember right, you told me you got Eli Jang in trouble for basically the same thing. What was her name again? Heather?”

Goo blocked the upcoming attack, his pole raised and crossed above his face. He pushed Gun back with an effortless swing of the pole. He tilted his head and scratched the back of his head with his free hand. “How is [Name] any different from Heather? What does she have on you?”

Gun twisted his neck gently until he heard a crack, looking back at Goo as he hissed with venom, “Nothing.”

“Let me think, let me think….” Goo hummed, racking his mind for any possibility that someone like Gun would stay with a woman longer than one night. His face lit up and he broke out into a wide grin, pointing a finger at Gun. “Aha! You got the poor girl knocked up, right?! See, I always tell you to wear protection! Just couldn’t keep it in your pants, hm? Shaaame.” 

“Ugh, fuck no. I don’t want kids and neither does she. We made that clear at the beginning," Gun said with a sneer, annoyed beyond comprehension at Goo's antics. 

“Awe, I really thought she held something over you. How about this: I’ll stop fighting you if you tell me why you’re still with such a pretty girl like [Name]? Deal?" Goo offered, slinging the pole onto his shoulder. His eyes darkened as he spat maliciously, knowing each word would wind and rile Gun's emotions. "She deserves better than a perverted gangster, you both know that.”

Gun stayed silent, the corners of his lips tugging down into a frown. Goo’s last words struck a chord in him, sending a pang through his heart upon hearing an insecurity he’ll never admit to. Of course. Everyone told you to stay away from a man like Gun. People kept telling you you will only get hurt in the end, that a better man will come along and sweep you off your feet if you just waited, or you could always do better than him. But you never listened. You stayed by his side, even when the whole world looked down on you two. Even for months, he tried convincing himself he felt nothing for you, but after a while, he finally accepted that someone managed to tear down his walls and enter his hollow, cold heart — you. 

You were just a different kind of girl - no- a different kind of woman. A special woman he had the pleasure of meeting. One he wouldn’t dare let go of now that he has the privilege of calling you ‘mine’. And by any god out there, he won’t be a stupid fool to lose you.

Gun sighed. “I tell you and you’ll put this stupid fight behind us, right?”

Goo placed a hand over his chest, replying shortly, “You have my word.~”

“[Name] is just that special person you meet once in your life. One you know you can’t let go of because there isn’t another like her. Simple as that.”

“What?! Ugh, don’t be boring! Tell me more!”

“You asked why I  stayed with her and I told you.”

“Yeah, but I expected a story, not some sad attempt at an old man’s wise words.”

A low guttural sound rumbled in Gun’s throat, his eye twitching. “Maybe when I’m in a better mood I’ll tell you, but if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my woman.”

Goo groaned and tossed his pole to the side, rolling his eyes and grumbling, "Fiiine, but you owe me a story. "

"Whatever—damnit," Gun looked at the clock once again and his face contorted into one of pure irate. "I'm late."

'8:12 PM'

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

Your head rested on your hand, balancing a glass of wine between your fingers, twirling the cup as the liquid swished around. Your eyes were looking down on the glory of Gangdong, the shimmering, blinding lights of the city mesmerizing you. The city always looked beautiful at this time of night. You just wished you could enjoy it with the person you cherished. A sigh leaves your lips and you look away, eyes trailing to the other tables over the balcony. 

The lingering eyes of many strange men didn't faze you anymore, the two burly boys surrounding your table always making them avert their gaze as fast as it landed. A courtesy of your boyfriend, who was at least thirteen minutes late, who insisted on you needing to be guarded at all times. You knew if he were here, no one would dare to even breathe in your direction, let alone glance. 

The cool air pricked your skin and a shiver passed through your body, reminding you of where you were. For a man as smart as him, Gun tended to neglect keeping the season in mind when planning your dates. Nonetheless, you were happy he went out of his way to take you out on such a busy schedule. 

You jumped in your seat, snapping out of your thoughts. A jacket was wrapped around your frame, warmth immediately enveloping you as the fabric made contact with your bare skin. You looked up and smiled. 

Gun stood behind you, towering over your sitting form as he made sure you were nice and covered. His coat basically swallowed you whole. A small stuffed animal was tucked under his arm, it’s fluffy fur peeking out. He walked over to take his seat, pulling the chair out, and wasting no time to slip in. He waved to the guards and they nodded, beginning to clear the scene of people.

“Sorry I’m late, [Name],” Gun started, taking the stuffie out from underneath his arm and presenting it to you. Oh, how adorable. "I brought you a gift as an apology."

A small brown otter sat in his palms, barely taking up Gun's hands. It’s beady, plastic eyes looked straight at you, a little smile stitched onto its snout. A snort left you. The sight of such a well-dressed, intimidating man carrying such an adorable toy was  amusing. "Really now? Just a cute toy, Gun?"

Gun sighed and sat up a bit from his chair, leaning over the table, and cupping your face as he planted a gentle kiss on your cheek. As quick as it started, Gun's lips left and he was seated once again. You pout. "Don't give me that look, [Name]. We can do more at home if you want but not here."

"It's not wrong to be disappointed in no kiss on the mouth after not seeing your boyfriend for such a long time. Don't you think I deserve it?"

Gun smirked, placing his shades on the table and taking your hand, intertwining your fingers together. He gave a light squeeze and you didn't miss a beat as you squeezed his coarse hand back. The way you pursed your lips and looked at him with such glossy, innocent eyes made his heart swell. With such a pretty, cute face, it was hard to say no to you. "Hmm, maybe. But Olly told me you crossed paths with Hostel A." Gun spoke, slipping his hands from yours and picking up his dinnerware, quickly cutting the savory meat into pieces. He didn't hesitate to put a piece up to your mouth, a hand underneath so as to not have the juice leak. "I was told you nearly broke the Uncles' bones and Big Daddy himself."

Your face scrunched up and you scoffed, shaking your head. You placed the stuffed animal to the side, petting it. "Figured those assholes wouldn’t tell you everything. The ‘uncles’ wouldn’t leave me alone and I thought Olly was another one of those bastards,” you snap, sitting back in your seat with a scowl. “How was I supposed to know he was trying to help when he dresses like that? I thought he was trying to assault me for God’s sake!”

Gun placed down his fork on his plate and his face twisted into one of fury, eyes turning cold and rigid as all the warmth disappeared whilst his lips curled back into a nasty frown. You almost thought his infamous scowl was directed towards you, but you knew better. You dear boyfriend wouldn't dare lay a single finger on you if it didn't bring you pleasure. "They what?" 

You smiled softly, placing your hand over his as it clenched into a fist. With your small attempt at trying to soothe him by rubbing small circles, you spoke with a bit of hesitation, "Ah, yeah. They kept trying to get my number and wouldn't let me leave the booth I was in. I had no other choice than to use the training you taught me. Since I never met Olly, I really thought he was just another one of them and I reacted before thinking, making me attack him too."

Gun scoffed, shaking his head as he listened to your explanation with disbelief, every word fueling his rage of someone daring to hit on his woman. Every fiber in Gun's body screamed, wanting to feel their skin underneath his fists as he pounded them into oblivion. But the only thing stopping him was his date with you. For now, he'll put his anger aside to be with you and keep you happy. Who knows how long he'll be gone and when he'll see you again. The man has to make every second count. 

Yet, he couldn’t let this go unpunished.

"Fuck." Gun leans closer to you and sits on the edge of his chair. Placing his hand over yours, he slips his fingers to grasp your palm, and lifts your hand to his lips, pressing tender kisses against your knuckles. His thumb grazing softly across your fingers and his eyes flutter shut. You couldn't help but stare in awe, never quite seeing him like this.

So careful with you, so gentle, you were surprised he wasn't seething in his seat and threatening to break their heads open. Gun opens his eyes and looks up at you, shaking in his seat. “I promise I’ll have those fuckers begging on their knees for your forgiveness. They should know better than to treat a woman with such rudeness and disrespect. Shit, I’ll go right now. I’ll beat them till-”

Your sweet laugh reaches his ears, cutting him off from his little speech. You lean in and pull in his hand to your lips, pressing a tender peck to his coarse knuckles. Gun felt his heart race and skip a beat at the sight, shock crossing his features. You look up, looking at your boyfriend with mirthful eyes. “As much fun as that sounds, I'd rather you stay here. Please? I want to spend as much time with you before you go back to work.”

The man stayed silent for a few seconds, taking in your words. He looked away, clicking his tongue before he broke out into a small smile, a blush blooming across his cheeks and the tip of his ears burning a bright red. “Of course, [Name]. Though, you could’ve just said you like spending time with me.”

Giggling, you lower your hands and shake your head. “Gun, of course I like spending time with you. You’re my favorite person and I love you after all.” Your voice said those three words with such fondness, it’s as if the man was in a dream. 

If your words from before didn’t send Gun over the edge, your proclamation of love surely did now. He looked down, grinning like an idiot, showing a soft, bashful side he’s never revealed to anyone before. He swore his heart would jump out of his throat from how fast it was pounding against his ribcage. Gun grasped your hand tightly and sighed blissfully, Gently, he spoke, gazing at you with loving eyes, “I love you too.”

You smiled.

The tension in the air grew to be too much and both of you found it unbearable, wanting to do what both of you have been waiting for for weeks.

Both of you sat up and leaned over the table, closing the gap between you two as your lips interlocked, slipping together like if you were made for eachother. The kiss sparked and fed the fire both of you held in your hearts, burning brighter with every moment you spent at one another’s side. Gun couldn’t help but smile against your mouth.

As much as he hated being apart from you for so long, moments like these made the long hours worth it. If working so much meant he could provide for you, then he wouldn't mind doing it for the rest of his life if you had a roof over your head and a nice, warm meal at night.

Afterall, you were his woman.

And he loved you.

✦✦✦✦✦✦

©𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚟𝚊 || 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚍 || 𝚗𝚘 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜, 𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚜, 𝚌𝚘𝚙𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚎𝚝𝚌. 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚌𝚒𝚛𝚌𝚞𝚖𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜 .

✦✦✦✦✦✦

[niuxita21]

Hello. For a long time, I felt marked. For a long time, everyone pointed and laughed at me at school. Everyone laughed at me. They laughed because I have a problem that I can’t help. And I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and sink. I wanted to disappear. What I wanted most in life was to be invisible. Until I met someone who made me feel like it was worth it to be who I am, who taught me to love myself, who taught me to love other people without feeling inferior, which is how I felt my whole life: inferior. And beyond all that, beyond what people say, I don’t want to live underground anymore. Because I am in love. Because I love her. And that makes me feel like I’m in the clouds. And it’s a woman, yes, it’s a woman. I don’t care if it’s a woman or a man. I am in love with a woman, and no one is going to make me feel ashamed of it anymore.

[bruhstories]

switch

summary: you and yuji have been together for three years now, but on your anniversary night, you allow your own demons to come to the surface. pairing: ryomen sukuna x female!reader (itadori yuji x female!reader, too, i guess?) | aged up characters word count: 3.5k warning & content: cheating?? (is it cheating if it's technically the same body?), unprotected sex, creampie, slight dacryphillia, vaginal fingering, blackmail, reader is kind of an asshole? (can you blame her tho, sukuna is such a daddy ugh), bit of overstimulation, slight dumbification (if you squint)

a/n: i'm back, and i can tell my writing skill is getting rusty. i took a break and it's obvious with this fic, but i need to get my head back in the game. it is what it is.

Yuji was a great boyfriend. In all honesty, he was every woman and man's dream — funny, charming, attentive and, most importantly, caring. He cared about you so much that he always made sure to control his own personal demon. You knew about Sukuna, Yuji told you after a few dates, and you were well versed in Jujutsu Sorcery, enough to know that he was not someone you could mess with. But you didn't want to give up on Yuji, and stuck with him through thick and thin. After almost three years of the beautiful and fun relationship you two had, he asked you to move in with him since you were both adults now, and you gladly accepted, because after so much time, you came to love him, despite seeing Sukuna's outbursts during fights. That thing, that monster, was beyond terrifying, but you trusted Yuji with all your heart, and that was all that mattered.

Or maybe you were unhinged, maybe you wanted Sukuna to come to the surface. Maybe, deep down in your heart, you fell in love with the switch, with the raging, brutal frenzies that you happened to witness on the rare occasions when Yuji couldn’t control the King of Curses. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer, because, as opposed to your optimistic and good-natured boyfriend, you never hesitate to kill – human or curse. Sometimes it felt as if your curiosity surpassed your love for Yuji, and that was a horrendous thought. Surely, that can’t be the real you, right?

Today is your three-year anniversary, and naturally, you want to surprise your boyfriend, so when you come home from a mission, you stop by his favourite ramen restaurant, picking up something to eat, maybe even some dessert. You tiptoe inside when you notice Yuji napping on the couch, and after silently setting up the table, careful not to wake him up, you quickly change into something... nicer. Yuji doesn't really enjoy it when you show some skin, which sucks because you want him to show you off. Nevertheless, you respect him, but tonight is special, surely it wouldn't hurt if you wear a shorter skirt. And a low-cut blouse. And heels. Fuck it, you think, adding a pair of thigh high socks as well, maybe that would rile him up. As much as you loved him, Yuji was too gentle. You liked that about him, truly, but sometimes you just need him to give you a good fuck, which was impossible, no matter how much you begged him to do it. You watch your reflection in the mirror from head to toe, proud of your skimpy outfit, but you can't help but wonder if he might be upset at your choice of attire. Even if he prefers it when you're dressed in pastels, that's not you, the real you. "You look good enough to eat." Yuji's voice breaks your trance and you turn on your heels to look at him. He stands in the doorway of the bedroom, arms folded across his chest, but there's a strange aura around him, and you can't exactly see his face through the dim lights. "You like it?" Your ears perk up, happy that he's not bothered by the clothes. "I do. You should dress like that more often." He sneers, stepping closer to you. "Alright, what kind of prank are you pulling now, Yuji? You never liked these kinds of clothes." You lower your head, your luscious lips turning into a pout. His calloused fingertips grip your chin, turning your head to face the mirror, and that's when you see the black markings on his face. Fear paralyses your entire body, eyes widening in panic and anxiety. "He might not like them, but I do." His voice is lower than Yuji's, calm yet obscenely dangerous. "I- you-" The words get caught in your throat, and you can't take your eyes off of his reflection. You know for a fact there's absolutely nothing you can do to defend yourself from Sukuna without hurting Yuji, and that thought makes you feel incredibly small and downright pathetic. "Little lamb, do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to watch this ungrateful brat take you for granted?" His hand is still leaving imprints on your chin and cheek, the other travelling down your back. "To watch you lose yourself for him, of all people?" "You don't know me!" Lips open without a thought, and you regret every syllable that came out of your mouth. "Oh, but I do." Yuji, no, Sukuna sneers, that same hand that was once on your back is now on your abdomen, painstakingly slowly creeping under your blouse. "Everything he sees, I see. Everything he smells, I smell. What he hears, I hear. But I just couldn't touch what's mine. Until now." You feel him pinching your nipple, and you're ashamed to admit how good his skin feels against yours, his hot breath fanning over your nape. "'M not yours." You grit your teeth, manicured fingernails digging into the plush of your thighs to keep your composure. "There's one thing I can smell that he can't. Wanna know what that is, sweet dove?" He whispers in your ear, and it's dotting your skin with goosebumps. "Enlighten me." "Your arousal." "You're bluffing." Is all you manage to say before Sukuna spins you around, pinning you against the mirror. "Let's see, shall we? I bet you're dripping," he shoves one of your legs to the side with his knee, and you don't stop him, "I bet you you've fantasised about this, late at night, when this brat can't please you. He's well endowed, though, it's a shame he can't use his dick." "S-stop it, please. I love him." "Pardon me if I doubt that." "Please, sir..." Sir? How should you call him? Demon? Cursed spirit? Monster? "How about master?" Sukuna barks back, as if reading your mind sarcasm dripping

down his tongue. You can't stifle a moan when his teeth sink in the crook of your neck, and you know damn well that you want this, and that every word he uttered so far was correct. You have thought about Yuji switching with Sukuna, wondered how he would fuck you, make you chant his name, but you never told your boyfriend, you couldn't. It's sinful, disgraceful and disgusting. Instinctively, you grind up his thigh, tears of shame and lust pooling at your eyes when you slowly give in to the temptation. He's already bruised your skin, one hand toying with your tits, the other lifting your skirt up. It's too late to fight him, because you never wanted to fight him in the first place. You deepest, darkest wish is finally coming to life. "That's better." Sukuna licks his lips, and your half-lidded, glossy eyes land on his tongue. "Please, m-may I kiss you?" Eyes dart away, cheeks burning with desire and embarrassment. "How polite of you to ask." He coos at you mockingly, his face inching closer to yours before absolutely crushing your lips under his. You don't hesitate to partly open your mouth, allowing his tongue to slip between your lips. Fuck, he kisses you so good that your knees give in, and all you can think is that if he's such a good kisser, he's definitely going to fuck you dumb. And you want that more than anything. When he pulls away, you lick your lips, still tasting him on your tongue, and he tastes so much better than Yuji — sweet and addictive. "I really wanted to take my time with you, after all, I waited three long years for this. But you're such an eager little slut, aren't you?" "I'm n-not a slut-" You try to protest, but you can't fool him, especially not when he's pushing your panties to the side, fingers grazing over your slit. "You are a slut. You merely buried that side of you for a pathetic little boy who can't handle a real woman." Sukuna's index finger gently brushes against your clit, enough to have you weak and needy. "Don't worry, Y/N, you don't have to hide from me. You can show me what you really want." It hurts to know that Yuji probably sees and hears everything, that he will probably break up with you after this, but you're too far gone to care about his feelings when finally someone is paying attention to yours. Your hand travels up his thigh, palming his already hard cock, and the way he groans, throwing his head back is satisfying enough for you. It hurts to think that Yuji never appreciates this side of you, and it's more painful when you consider this to be cheating — it's still his body, technically, but it's not your loving boyfriend, and you're perfectly fine with that. He slips a finger between your folds, a quiet moan escaping your lips, and Sukuna knows you won't dare say no to him, or try to reason with him. He adds another finger, but he absolutely does not move them an inch, instead you automatically fuck yourself on his hand, gripping one of his shoulders for support. "That's a good whore." Sukuna praises you, tongue lapping at your collarbone, making you delirious with lust. "You want my cock? Want me to fuck your aching cunt?" It's impossible to refuse his proposition, instead you buck your hips, your fingers gripping his t-shirt and you know you might tear it if you keep this up. "Yes..." You answer him, voice soft and quiet. "Yes what?" "P-please... Yes, please!" "Much better. Get on the bed." Sukuna commands and you obey, skirt dangerously hiked up. You proceed to take it off, but he slaps your hands away, too impatient for such formalities. He did wait a long time for this, you understand that, and so you lay on your back, blouse unbuttoned, panties on the floor and legs wide open for him to take you. Oh, and he adores this sight, how you willingly give yourself to him, your dainty fingers spreading your juices around your cunt, eager to be filled. In those three years of being with Yuji, you got used to his cock, but seeing it now seems like it's the first time. Precum leaks from the blushing tip and your mouth begins to water just by looking at him, and

this pleases Sukuna greatly. "Tell me what you want." He climbs on top of you, hands resting next to you as your fingernails graze over his chest. "I don't wanna say it..." You avert your gaze, a crumb of dignity left in you because you know Yuji hears everything. "Oh, you don't?" He quirks a brow, brown irises bearing a hint of red. "Then you won't mind me killing the brat." This garners your attention, and you feel stupid because of course he would blackmail you. Do you care? No. Do you want Yuji to think you care? Yes. "Please don't hurt him." You look back at Sukuna, tears pricking your eyes. "Why shouldn't I? We both know he doesn't deserve you." "You're wrong, I love-" "This isn't about you loving him, it's about you renouncing your true nature." His hand finds its way on your neck, fingers wrapping around it. "How many times have you begged him to choke you and he refused? How many times did you ask him to fuck you harder and he said no? You're a filthy slut, Y/N, and it's time you got what you deserve." The lack of air has your pussy clenching around nothing, and you hate him so much for being right. Yuji could never give you what you want, but Sukuna can, and it's an opportunity you can't pass. "Now, I'll say this one last time — tell me what you want." He releases the grip on your neck. "Y-you! I want you to fuck me, please, fuck me good, make me yours!" The tears that roll down your cheeks ruin your makeup, mascara mixed with eyeshadow smeared under your eyes. The tip of his cock pushes past your folds, and inch by inch he bottoms out. It feels bigger than before, stretching you open in a beautiful blend of pain and pleasure, your lips forming an O as your eyes roll back. "He doesn't deserve your tears. But I do. Cry for me." Sukuna sneers, his broad frame hovering above you and you feel so small and vulnerable. Yet again you obey, allowing more salty droplets to run down your face as you wrap your legs around his waist, feeling him go deeper. "Fuck, 's big! Oh, god-" Sukuna's palm meets your cheek, a sharp, stinging pain bringing your eyes on him. "Focus, whore. Not god, not the brat, me." He grunts, hips rocking back and forth harder and faster. "Who do you belong to?" You don't want to say it, what would Yuji think of you? He's probably already disgusted, contemplating breaking up with you once he regains control of his body. Another slap pulls you out of your thoughts and you buck your hips against his. "Answer me." "I b-belong to you! You!" "That's right, you're mine. Don't worry your pretty head, little lamb, Yuji won't be coming back any time soon." He grunts with every thrust, and his reassurance is somewhat comforting, because, god, he fucks you so good, you would kill for another opportunity like this. His teeth sink into your shoulder, fingers bruising your skin and you're delighted that he's marking you. All that matters is that you're his, chanting his name over and over again, praying to your new god, and Sukuna is beyond pleased with his work of art. When he pulls out of you, you almost cry, because it feels like a part of you is missing, but he's a merciful god, he won't let his newly devoted subject famished. Flipping you over as if you're made of feathers, he thrusts back into your aching cunt, and you yelp at the feeling of being overpowered by him. Sukuna's stamina is off the charts, because while your legs begin to feel numb, he's fucking into you with such force and intensity that the damn bed slides on the floor. It's raw, the way he's defiling your cunt, and it's sending your brain into overdrive. Your spongy walls clench around his cock, and while he doesn't say anything, the simple fact that he's going deeper and harder makes you feel special. Squirming and thrashing under him, you're desperate for some form of validation, and so you lift your ass up, pushing it back against his hips with a delightful moan escaping your lips. Sukuna takes notice of your sudden change of posture, and the way you curve your spine to try and get a look at him is adorable. "You want something,

pet?" He barely spares you a glance, and his indifference makes your pussy flutter. Your incoherent sentence almost makes him laugh, words such as good and please distinguishable between the other stutters. "Use your fucking words." A slap over your firm ass makes you yelp and jolt up. "A-am I good enough f-for you?" The question takes him by surprise, but he doesn't stop to think. Instead, he digs his sharp talons into the plush of your hips, overjoyed by your eagerness to please him. "You could do better." Sukuna teases you, but you take it personally, sadness and determination coiling inside of your heart. By this point, you don't even remember your boyfriend's name, too high on pleasure to even care. "'M sorry! P-please, I wanna be good!" You throw your head back and he wraps an arm around your neck, pressing his chest against your back. "If you wanna make me happy, you best forget about Itadori." "W-who?" "Your– never mind." Sharp canines flashed in his smirk, Sukuna tilts your head enough for you to catch a glimpse of his eyes. They're dark and vicious, and any sane person would be repulsed by them, but not you. No, you drown in them, completely absorbed by the hatred hiding behind them. The more you stare into his orbs, the closer you are to your climax. And he knows it. "Fuck fuck fuck!" "That's right, little lamb, let go of all that is moral and human." "Don't stop- oh, god, please don't s-stop!" In your frenzy, in his frantic pace, Sukuna's close, too. It would have taken any other woman hours to please him due to his insatiable nature, but you — your cunt clenching around his cock for dear life milks him dry, and inch by inch he pulls out, watching the hot liquid dripping down your trembling thighs. Art, he thinks, this is what art is — your face buried in the pillows, ass up, and his seed spilling out of your sore cunt. You come down from your haze, slowly but surely, and the realisation of what just happened begins to hit you. You want to regret everything, to feel a shred of shame, but there isn't any left. After this night, Sukuna irrevocably owns you, and you wouldn't have it any other way. He lays on the bed, lazily watching you stumble in the bathroom to clean yourself up, but with his guard up in case you want to try anything stupid. Yet when you don't come back, Sukuna wonders if you ran away out the window, which makes him laugh to himself because he could find you anywhere if he wanted to. So, he drags his feet across the room, finding you on the edge of the bathtub, watching the water pool inside with a blank stare. When you feel his presence, you get up and tug at the hem of his shirt. The man flinches, until he remembers that you are harmless and exhausted, and you don't look like you even want to put up a fight, so he allows you to take his shirt off. "Is this for me?" He points at the tub, brow quirked and a mischievous smile on his lips. "Yes." "Are you gonna clean me up?" "Yes." You sigh, wondering if you truly ever loved Yuji, wondering why you didn't even try to fight for him. "Do you want your boyfriend back?" Oh, how you dreaded this question. You cringe at the words, and don't reply. Silence is also an answer, but he's cruel. "I need to hear it." "He will also hear it." Of course he will, that's the whole point of humiliation. Sukuna steps in the tub, dipping himself in the hot water, a hand extended towards you. "Join me." You hesitate to take his hand, lips pursed and eyes narrowed at the man who looks so serene that it amazes you how brutal he was before. "I won't ask again." Complying, and not wanting to anger him, you don't waste another moment to get in the tub, back against his chest. "Can I ask you a question?" "You just did, sweet dove." "Fine, I’ll shut up." "Now, now, don't give me that attitude, or else I'll have to put you in your place. And you won't like it." His nails are pressed onto your jugular, and you know those things can cut, your hips are still bleeding. "Ask away." He lets his hands fall on your shoulders and you exhale the breath that was caught in your

throat. "Why didn't you kill me? Why don't you kill me?" "I need a pet." "Oh." Your disappointment makes Sukuna burst into laughter. What did you expect? A confession of love? "Oh?" He mocks you, tracing circles on your skin with his talons. "Don't worry, I take good care of my pets. Especially if they're loyal and obedient." His hands travel down your body, one pulling your knee to the side, the other moving up your thigh. "You are loyal and obedient, yes?" "Please, no more-" The rest of the sentence dies before you can utter it when his fingers ghost over your swollen clit. "Answer me, Y/N." "I can't come again!" "You can, and you will, because I want you to. Now answer the fucking question." Sukuna toys with you, only pushing his index finger one knuckle deep between your folds before pulling it out, and somehow you can't feel the sharpness of his nails. "Will you serve and obey me, not once questioning my authority?" He pushes the finger back in, curling it upwards and you don't fail to clench your walls once more. "Oh, f-fuck, I will, I will! But please, I can't–" When he rubs your clit, you are done for. You didn't think you could reach another climax, but those circles he's rubbing with enough pressure to both give you pleasure and pain have you melting in his arms. "Swear it, then. Make a pact with me. I can give you anything in return, maybe even the brat." "I s-swear it, S-Sukuna! I swear my loyalty to you!" You hiss between your gritted teeth, hips rolling in synchronicity with his hand. "And in return, what do you want?" "I want you! Oh, god, I only want you!" "Clever girl." The man decides to give you what you want, and with a quickened pace, you squeeze your thighs together, coming undone on his fingers. "I'm going to enjoy your company." Embracing your true nature is your salvation, and damnation. Your boyfriend is never coming back, Sukuna simply won't allow it, and from this moment on, your memories of Yuji begin to fade away, like a bad dream, because you simply must serve your beloved master, your merciful and devastatingly powerful god. That's who you really are.

[galacticxcosmos]

𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞 ❣︎ ᵏᵗʰ

Pairing :- Taehyung X Reader

Genre :- Bestfriends to Lovers AU, Erotic, Angst, Romance and Fluff.

Rating :- 18+ ( M )

Word Count :- 4.4k

Summary :- "Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people" that's what you thought after your terrible breakup which led you to your bestfriend's appartment at midnight to seek comfort until things went way beyond just 'comfort'.

Warnings :- It's CEO Taehyung (but no office romance shit), Broke college student, Dom Taehyung, Sub reader, Some angst that idk how I managed to write, Sexual Tension, Buried feelings, Past feelings, Teasing, Morning Sex, Daddy Kink, Pinning, Oral (M receiving), Unprotected Sex, After care (omg) with fluff (omg).

A/N :- I know that I haven't been very active on Tumblr, but trust me I am trying my best, also I am still working on the next chapter for "Chemicals Collide", so please be a little more patient. Also I got inspiration for this Oneshot from Jungkook's cover, I think you guessed it already, but then I saw I had already written a JK Oneshot, so I gave this to Tae baby. Enjoy~

Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people.

I could feel the numb pain in my stomach, feeling like I am going to throw up, going back and forth between feeling nothing and being unable to stop the tears. All I  could think about was if this is really the end. I picked up my pace, now breaking into a fast jog towards Taehyung's house. Tears we're rapidly streaming down my face, uncontrollable at this point. I sprinted through the apartment complex, my legs moving as quickly as they could to get to him. I wiped my face with my sleeve as I got to his floor, a failed attempt to make myself look slightly okay.

I knew Taehyung would see right past these attempts though, he'll quickly understand that I've been sobbing with one glance in my direction. He knew me too well. After knocking on the door, there was a faint thud before someone cautiously opened the door. Taehyung stood there, slightly disheveled with the smell of alcohol dripping off of him. Right, Saturday means Taehyung gets shit faced every night. Although intoxicated, he quickly realised I wasn't okay. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? Do I need to go and fight someone?" He slurred slightly, stepping outside. I chuckled, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back into the apartment before he got the both of us locked out.

"How many have you drank?" I asked, going to the kitchen and grabbing a water bottle to give him. My legs were threatening to give out, but he should property drink something besides alcohol before he puts himself in a coma. I walked over to where he sat on the couch, handing him the water bottle before going to pick up bottles. Sure, drinking was absolutely terrible and Taehyung may have developed a problem. I just never comment on it because we all have our own ways of dealing with things, not all of them being good. After cleaning up his expensive ass apartment, I went to sit down with him. He was quietly watching TV, taking interest in some show that showed people getting hurt. He was slowly sipping his water, showing barely any interest in the almost full bottle he held in his hand.

"Tae, I asked, how many have you drank?" I asked again. "I counted like 10 while cleaning up." Taehyung didn't say anything, just shrugging as he propped his feet up on the ottoman. I sighed, following his actions and getting comfortable. It must be nice to have an apartment to yourself and not be stuck in a crammed dorm room with another person. Must be nice to not go to school and struggle everyday. Nice to not have your heart broken on the day of your anniversary. Without noticing, a small sob fell from my lips, catching Taehyung's attention instantly. Worry was written across his face as he peered over to me, one eyebrow raised.

"What happened?" He mumbled, moving to wrap one arm around me. He held me close to him, a mix of his cologne and alcohol filling my nose. "He broke up with me." I mumbled, another sob falling from my lips. I wrapped my arms around Taehyung's toned torso, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. "Isn't it your anniversary? Didn't you text me earlier today about everything?" He asked gently, trying not to make it seem like a big deal. Another sob fell, making him realise that maybe it wasn't a good idea to pull on that string. He sighed, moving so he could easily pull me into his lap. I quickly straddled him in order to bury my face in his neck.

My arms still held onto his torso as he wrapped his arms around me. He must've closed the water bottle and tossed it aside sometime earlier, deciding it was more important to comfort me. So, how the hell did a broke college student become best friends with one of the youngest CEOs in Seoul? It honestly still amazes me that we're even still friends, that I get the pleasure of being his best friend. He's everything you'd want in a person. Caring, beautiful, fit despite his work schedule, one of most hardworking people you'll ever meet.

We've been friends since we were teens, simple freshmen stuck together for a lab experiment. Thinking back on it, it's sort of funny because the first thing he ever said was I like your shirt. I smiled slightly, thinking back on the fond memories. Taehyung and I are some of the closest of people, and we're always joined at the hip when we aren't busy. I mean, we grew up together, figured out college together, lost our virginity to each other. I chuckled slightly thinking about it. Two teens frustrated and scared to lose it to someone who didn't know us. It just sort of played out one night, safe word established quickly since Taehyung was so worried. Taehyung shuffled slightly under me.

"What are you laughing about, Miss?" He teased, jabbing my sides. He's always loved fucking with me, and knew how to get on my nerves in just a few attempts. I decided to lie, figuring that, if he even remembered that night, he wouldn't want to hear about it. I shrugged, shoving my face into his neck further. "I was thinking about science when we were paired together." I said, my focus going to my shirt that was riding up slightly. Taehyung paid no attention to it, his hands resting on the bare skin of my back.

"Ugh, don't remind me." He laughed before mocking himself. "I like your shirt." I laughed, shaking my head at him. I sat up, my hands placed on his chest. He seemed tired, but sobering up a bit. His hands released my torso, going to wipe the tears off my cheeks. I smiled slightly before climbing off his lap and standing back up. "Finish drinking your water." I said, tossing the bottle over to where he was sitting. I walked into his living room, opening up the fridge and seeing what was there. I shrugged, settling on leftover takeout I'm assuming was from the shop near his work. I tossed it into the microwave before calling out to Taehyung.

"Do you want anything?" I asked, waiting for a response. "You." A small reply came, unsure and small compared to his normal loud ass. I laughed at him before asking the question once more. He simply said nothing, stating he wasn't hungry. He usually isn't when he drinks anyway. I took the takeout out, walking back into the living room. I sat and ate, making sure not to spill anything because I definitely couldn't afford to buy him a new one. This couch is probably my salary, the boy's got money. "Are you okay?" He asked, reaching over to rub my thigh. "Didn't I tell you he was a dick though? You should date better people. Like me."

I laughed at him, playfully swatting his hand away from me. I went back to my food, not paying attention to the hand creeping up towards my thigh once more. He rubbed his hand up my thighs once more, smiling slightly. "Taehyung, you're drunk." I mumbled, shoving food into my mouth once more.

Taehyung moved once more, placing his hand on my arm. Whines immediately came from me, complaining about the food and expensive couch. "Taehyung, I'm going to spill this on your couch and you're going to be mad at me" I threatened. "Fuck it. I can buy a new one." He mumbled, reaching up to smack the food out of my hand. I jerked my arm away, setting the tray down on the coffee table. "No you can't you drunk cunt." I mumbled, jumping over and pulling him down on the couch. I curled up under his arm, my face buried in his chest while I placed my arm on his side. He smiled, looking up at the TV after placing a kiss on my forehead. He held me closer, and continued to hold me until I drifted off to sleep.

∆∆∆

The sound of shuffling woke me up, my eyes barely adjusting to the bright light. Taehyung was shuffling next to me, struggling to get up. I let out a small grunt, moving so he could easily stand up. He apologized before running off to what I assumed was the bathroom. I smashed myself into the corner of the couch, trying to gain back the warmth that just left. Taehyung's chuckles filled the room as he passed by the living room, walking into the kitchen. He was probably going to go grab pain killers and a water. He waltzed back to the couch, plopping down. I let out a small grunt of disapproval.

"Come on, go and do your classes." He said, pulling me by my shirt towards him. He's always used his strength to do whatever, and it gets annoying every now and then. "Would you stop pulling me around like a ragdoll?" I said, rolling over to look at him. He had a smirk on his face, missing his shirt that he was previously wearing. "Go get a shirt on" I said. "No." He said, dropping a water bottle and laying down. I rolled over, cuddling into his warm embrace. His golden skin always give off warmth, and god I loved it. "Shouldn't you have classes to attend?" Taehyung asked, wrapping his arms around me. I rolled my eyes at him, wondering how stupid he has to be to not understand.

"I just got my heart broken yesterday, why would I want to do anything?" I mumbled, "I just want comfort and to rest for awhile." Taehyung nodded, holding me. He mumbled something that I didn't quite catch, but I was too lazy to ask what he said. "Why do you date douchebags? I mean, they don't give you the love you deserve and end up breaking your heart. You should find someone that actually cares about you." He mumbled, tangling his legs with mine. "Why does it matter to you Taehyung?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Because you come to my apartment at like 3 am sobbing usually. And you shouldn't even be out at that time, with someone else or alone for that matter. It's not safe. And you deserve better." He mumbled. "Would you stop worrying about that? I'll be okay." I could barely even finish my sentence when Taehyung crashed his lips onto mine, our lips molding together within seconds. Taehyung pulled away slightly, attaching his lips on to my jaw. My breath hitched, hands moving to grab at his arms.

"Taehyung, I don't think this is a good idea." I mumbled, his movements coming to a stop and his body stiffing. "I just mean we're probably just confused and I just broke up and you're a famous CEO hooking up with a college st-" I knew if I asked, he would immediately stop. It's not that I was afraid of him doing something stupid, I was afraid of the underlying feelings I had for my best friend. The feelings that make me want to cherish and love him just as much as have him fuck my brains out.

"Tell me y/n, do you really think I don't notice?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Think I don't notice the looks you give me when you think I'm not paying attention? You rubbing together your thighs when you're around me?". "Taehyung I still don't think-", "You don't think this is a good idea because you're afraid. You'll have a real man now, someone that will love and appreciate you as well as please you? Listen, I have no problem with that as long as you return it." He mumbled, moving over to whisper in my ear. "Do you know how much you affect me?"

He licked my ear, sucking slightly causing me to whimper. My eyes were screwed shut, head cocked to side. He climbed around so he could be on top, grinding our hips together slightly. His bulge rubbed against my thigh, rock hard. "Taehyung-", "Waste it on me y/n. Your love, please just this once. You waste it on everyone else, so why not me? Why not your best friend that's in love? Please, it's not going to hurt if it's just once." He mumbled, locking eyes with me. "Taehyung-", "Daddy." He corrected, is he serious right now?? He wants me to fill in his kinks now??

"Taehy-", "Did you not hear me babygirl?" He said, staring down at me. I gripped his torso, wondering how the hell I got myself into this situation. How I ended up here, with him. "Daddy, please." I said, coming out more whiny than I expected. He smirked slightly, a look of confidence flushing over his face. "What babygirl? Tell me so I can please you." He said, moving so his face was a mere millimeters away. "Kiss me."

He did, quickly getting rid of the space in between us. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling slightly. His hips slightly rolled into mine, pulling a moan from the both of us. Taehyung's hands slipped down, running up and down my sides, stopping to squeeze slightly. His hands found their way to my ass, squeezing and rubbing. "Daddy~" I whined, rolling my hips up into his. He let out a small groan, moving to place hot, open mouthed kisses all along my neck. He stopped to suck a small bruise here and there, making sure to leave his mark.

His hands slipped into my shirt, squeezing my sides. I giggled slightly, jerking away from the ticklish action. Taehyung smiled up at me before slipping my shirt up and eventually over my head. My arms instinctively went to cover my skin, Taehyung clicking his tongue slightly. "Come on babe, don't make me tie you up." He mocked, smirking at me. My eyes widened slightly, taking Taehyung back for a moment. "God, I don't remember a freak in highschool.", "Oh my God. Please don't." I said, staring at him. He's referring to losing our virginity to each other, embarrassing.

"So shy and innocent-", "I don't remember such a cocky shit in the bedroom either? You think you've gotten better?" I challenged. "I know I've gotten better." He answered. He's so full of himself. "Whoever cums first, loses." I challenged, staring up at him. He looked taken back. I smiled, sitting up in order to push him back on the couch. I straddled him, sitting on his hips as I took my bra off and tossed it somewhere across the room. Taehyung's hands flew up, squeezing and pinching what he could manage. I let out a small whine when he took a sensitive bud in between his fingers, twisting it roughly. My hips involuntary rolled, Taehyung's hips jerking up. I moved, going to pull on his shorts. The more I pulled down, I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear.

"This was your plan all morning?" I questioned. "Nope, just when I seen you over here looking like a fresh baked snack." He said, making me laugh at how stupid he was. I rolled my eyes, kissing his hips slightly. Once his shorts were off, he wasted no time kicking them halfway across the room. I giggled slightly, laying down on the couch so I was level with his cock. Taehyung threw his head back, his breathing becoming uneven. I licked a long stripe from bottom to top, stopping at the top to flick my tongue along his tip. I slowly wrapped my lips around his tip, sinking down slightly before coming back up. I took inch by inch until he hit the back of my throat, sinking down a bit more before coming up. A low moan fell from Taehyung as I swallowed around him, his hips involuntary bucked up into my mouth.

I fought off my gag reflex, hallowing my cheeks around him. I let him face fuck me, his hands roughly controlling my head to please himself. A loud whine fell from him, grabbing my hair and pulling my head up an off. He wrapped his fingers around his base, squeezing. Once he calmed down, he looked up at me. "Okay Miss, your turn." He said before basically pouncing on me. Our lips connected in a rush, molding together as his hands slipped into my jeans. He popped open the buttons with ease, sliding my jeans down my legs. His warms hands squeezed my thighs, coming up to link his fingers with my lace panties.

He pulled away from the kiss, locking eyes with me quickly before sinking down. He gently pulled off the lace, tossing it aside. After a bit, he nipped at my thigh, sucking a bruise. He continued nipping at my thighs, making me get more and more impatient. "Daddy! Please!" I whined, my hips bucking up. He moved, licking a long stripe. I whined as me began sucking on my clit, flicking his tongue every now and then. My hands were buried in his hair, resisting the urge to crush his head with my thighs.

I felt Taehyung's smirk, wrapping his arms around my thighs and pinning me down. I bucked my hips into his mouth, a low moan falling from my lips. "Taehyung, slow down." I whined, my legs shaking in his arms. He did, slowing down his tongue flicks. He let go one of my legs, moving his finger to me gently. Slowly, he pushed his finger in knuckle deep. I couldn't fight the loud moan that fell from me.

"God I fucking love your thighs." He mumbled, drawing circles where one of his arms was still wrapped around me. "So thick and full, so much better than the sticks that throw themselves at me." A small laugh came from me, shaking my head at him. "I'm sure you've had plenty of those sticks in here." He shook his head, drawing his finger out slowly before pushing it back in. I grabbed his wrist, positioning it a bit differently and told him to curl his fingers next time. He followed, hitting exactly where I needed him to. My whole body jerked, making him smile up at me.

"Fuck I've missed you." Taehyung groaned, talking to himself more than anything. I wasn't sure if he meant me, or my heat. I decided not to ask, not wanting to get hurt over something so stupid. His fingers picked up their pace, hitting exactly where I told him. Moans fell from my lips, my head thrown back as I held onto his head. Slowly, I felt an orgasm coming upon me. "Taehyung!" I whined, grabbing his arm and jerking him away. He could easily continue, overpower me completely with just one hand. But Taehyung isn't like that. He became instantly worried."Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?" He asked, panic striking him from all sides.

I laughed, sitting up. I pulled him to me, kissing him as deeply as I could. "No, you're okay. Just, a bit overwhelming." I smiled. He nodded, sitting up. "Is it okay if I continue, I need to stretch you out. I'd hate to hurt you." He said, slightly hesitant with each word he spoke. "Of course. And what happened to the man that was just so cocky seconds ago?" I asked, teasing him. He scoffed, continuing. He started with one finger, slowly adding a second and beginning a scissoring motion.

Small moans fell from me, gripping his arm where I was able to. Looking down, Taehyung still wore his arrogant smile. After he deemed me stretched and ready enough, he sat up and in between my thighs. He looked around for a few seconds, for what I'm assuming is for a condom or something like that. "No condom." I mumbled, making his attention snap back over to me. His cheeks were slightly flushed and eyes full of concern and slight worry. "I'm on the pill." I reassured. "Yeah, but that's not a 100% you won't get pregnant." Taehyung mumbled, still worried. I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"It's pretty damn close, but if you're really that scared go find one. I'll be here waiting for you." I teased, watching his eyes narrow at me slightly. I giggled as he pounced on top of me, pinning my arms above my head with ease. A small smirk grew on my face as I nibbled slightly on his earlobe. "Daddy, please fuck me." Taehyung couldn't resist anymore, positioning himself before easily sliding in. He let out a loud grunt as he bottomed out, his head falling into my neck. "Fuck, when's the last time you've had sex?"

"What? What do you mean?" I asked, slightly panicking at his question. Taehyung slowly pushed himself up, sitting back on his legs with my thighs in his palms. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching as he slowly slid out before slamming back into me. I jolt of pleasure shot throughout my body. "You haven't been fucked in awhile, no? You're so tight." Taehyung said, placing on of my legs over his shoulder to give him better access. I let out a loud moan as he picked up his pace, gaining a steady and rather quick rhythm. Taehyung was letting out small grunts, his face becoming sweaty and his bangs sticking to his forehead.

"Ah, Taehyung" I whined, grabbing onto his arm as he pounded into me. He scoffed, leaning forward to nail my g-spot. He was folding me in half, basically. "I'll let that one slip, babygirl. But next time you're getting punished." He growled, crashing his lips onto mine while still maintaining his thrusts. As the kiss became rougher, so did his thrusts. The sound of skin hitting skin soon filled the room accompanied by moans. Taehyung's grip was harsh, holding onto my waist and thighs like it was the only thing keeping him alive. I could barely see straight anymore, pleasure washing over me. I smiled, remembering something Taehyung was absolutely weak for. I reached up, taking one of his sensitive buds in between my fingers and flicking it roughly.

He let out a throaty groan, head falling forward slightly. He was focusing on his thrusts, speeding up and slamming harder than before. Profanities spilt from the both of us, gripping onto whatever we could to keep us in place. "Fuck, I'm going to cum." Taehyung moaned, making me smirk up at him. I mumbled a small, then I win. His head shot up, completely forgetting about the dumb bet set long ago. His fingers went straight to my clit, roughly stimulating me. I yelped, holding onto his wrist for dear life while clamping down around him.

His thrusts we're sloppy and more desperate than before, quickly reaching his high. With a few lasts thrusts and moans, he came deep inside of me. As soon as he came, the stimulation caught up and sent me flying over. Bolts of pleasure shot throughout me, my toes curling and head thrown back into the sofa. I ripped Taehyung's fingers away from me, becoming too sensitive. He smirked, sliding his fingers into my mouth. I licked them, rolling my tongue in between. He watched, shaking his head.

My body was shaking, something Taehyung was quick to notice. He laid his body weight on top of me, kissing me with the most passion he ever has. The shaking came to an eventual stop, both of us relaxing for a few seconds. "Well, I guess we both lost." I mumbled, not really knowing how to not make this awkward. Taehyung laughed, shaking his head violently.

"Let's not do that weird thing where you think I'm going to suddenly leave you." He smiled, running his hands up and down my thighs. "I'll go run us a bath." He got up, jogging into the bathroom. I heard water turn on followed by a few drawers opening. After a few moments, he came back and scooped me up into his arms bridle style, making me laugh. Taehyung sat down first, then helping me sit down in between his legs. I let out a small hum, leaning against his torso and relaxing. "You know Taehyung, this is really nice." I smiled, letting him trace little patterns onto my shoulders and chest.

He smiled, kissing my shoulder gently. "Your girlfriend is going to be so lucky, she just doesn't know it yet.", "Well um, I was actually hoping you'd be my girlfriend. And I mean like, official official like dating and going out and doing things together." He laughed, "Not just hook-ups at 3 am.", "Are you serious? You're messing with me?" I calmly said, acting as if I didn't care but the frantic beating in my chest told another story. "Yeah, I've loved you since like high school." Taehyung said, becoming cheesy and acting offended when I made fun of him for it.

"I'd love to be with you Taehyung. I just think it's weird that the youngest CEO in the world is dating a broke college student." I said. "And don't get me wrong, I'm not dating you just because you're a CEO. I actually do love and care about you a lot. I always have cared about you in a more than friends way.", "Stop referring to yourself as a broke college student. You're my best friend since high school, my first ever love and my love now." He said, a dumb smile plastered across his face. I laughed, making fun of him again.

"I'm glad Taehyung. I love you too." I smiled, looking back and pecking his lips. He wore the brightest smile, kissing my shoulders while wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I smiled, "Jesus Christ I'm happy that dick broke up with me." Taehyung laughed in response, "Get broken up by a dick and then dicked down after. You fucking slut.", I laughed, turning around to punch him in the shoulder. "Says the one that was willing to fuck me right there, on the spot." I said, mocking him. "Hey, you never told me to stop. And if you did you know I would've." He said, beginning to ramble and get cheesy again. "Okay, relax. You just fucked me, don't get all phycological about it." You playfully rolled your eyes.

"You know what?? I am glad that this time you wasted it on me" he lovingly kissed your cheek.

The End.

Feel free to like or reblog, comment down any requests you have and you can follow me inorder to stay updated.

~peace out.

[pumpkinpaix]

*waves* Hi! New(ish) follower, I followed for your posts about translation which are beautiful (especially the one about the imagery of "Zewu-jun") and thought-provoking; I don't have a good segue so here are some Salty Asks I'd like to know your answers to concerning MDZS: 5, 9, 10, 12, 23

oh, that’s so sweet of you!! thank you I’m really happy you enjoyed them 💛

okay salt incoming let’s see--all opinions are my own, no one has to agree with me, etc! and in true cyan fashion, this ask meme response actually needs a readmore  l m a o

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

fandom has not ruined any ships in mdzs for me, but it has made me way more critical of both wangxian and xicheng interpretations. not in the sense that like, I think they are bad! i love wangxian and xicheng, but I have very very specific feelings about them that I rarely see reflected in popular fandom interpretations. (because i am a picky bitch lol) 

wangxian tends to get the “they did no wrong and their love is righteous” treatment which I find disingenuous and believe directly contradicts the point of mdzs. i think that wangxian is fundamentally a very selfish relationship, and that that is, in fact, a good thing. i love that about them. i care so much about the assertion that your desires do not have to be perfect and righteous to still matter and be worthwhile. i don’t understand the impulse to make wangxian into a pure ship that triumphs and “deserves” a happy ending because they were right all along. I always felt like the entire point of mdzs was that--you can be the most terrible person, you can do unspeakable harm, and still be loved and deserving of that love. i think wangxian is compelling and moving specifically for that reason, and I often have to back out of interpretations that don’t acknowledge it in the way that i want them to. a lot of interpretations tend to idealize wwx and lwj in ways that I disagree with, and I’ve seen a lot of vitriolic pushback over anything that’s seen as even vaguely critical of either of them, when the point isn’t that “wwx/lwj is a bad person because he is selfish” the point is that “wwx/lwj’s choices are selfishly motivated” -- that’s not meant to be a value judgment, at least for me.

(i understand that a lot of this has to do with CQL’s influence, in which wangxian IS narratively rewarded for their righteousness, but as I’ve discussed at length, I think that positioning undermines what makes mdzs so powerful to me in the first place. not that i don’t love CQL!! i do love CQL--they have made a beautiful thing within the constraints that they had. but I think the novel is much stronger thematically.)

as for xicheng: i think that their relationship could be extraordinarily interesting if done in specific ways--I do not think they are well-suited to each other at any point in the canon timeline, but that they could be something really good maybe 10 years post-canon. I used to really like the idea of xicheng romantically, but as time goes on, I’m leaning harder into friendship. I think they have a lot of uniquely shared life experiences, and that it would be really good for both of them to have a person that they knew understood those experiences intimately: the pressures of leading a sect before adulthood, the grief of losing your family in a massacre and being unable to save them, the betrayal of someone who was once so close to you--that’s a lot. and i think there are very few people in their generation who could truly understand that. (for this reason, I also think lxc and xxc would be a very interesting relationship to see many many years post-canon, if xxc were ever revived) but during canon? no, absolutely not. i don’t think lxc has the slightest interest in jc, and i don’t think jc is particularly moved by lxc either, beyond a distant “yeah i mean, he’s the first jade everyone loves him sure moving on” kind of way. they both have their own shit to deal with, and before lxc’s seclusion and also before the core reveal, i think jc is too angry and vicious for lxc and lxc is too soft and toothless for jc. for someone to really convince me on xicheng, jc has to move towards some kind of self-forgiveness and peace and lxc has to move towards self-assertion. then I think they can meet somewhere in the middle of all that.

and like, it’s not that i won’t read silly fluffy aus or like canonverse stuff with them in a ship, but i admit that because it’s grown so popular but not at all in the ways that i personally want, I’m frustrated with and have retreated from reading it. unless it’s done in the specific way i like, it has too much of a pair the spares vibe for me to get behind it anymore.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

jin guangshan, obvious reasons, next

ok well, i guess to elaborate even slightly: jin guangshan, to me, is the embodiment of the systems within mdzs that cause tragedy. he and chang ci’an are similar in that respect? like, the callousness with which they treat people they consider beneath them. what is nothing to them is ruinous for another, but why should they care? but jgs really had every advantage handed to him and chose to use that advantage to hurt others in really insidious ways and i can’t forgive that. jin zixun is also on this list, but like, still ahead of jgs bc he’s younger. -_- i suppose in that respect, i also very much dislike chang ci’an, but that’s a bit harder to quantify, given that we know almost nothing about him.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

huh. uhhhh. i think i actually really like all of them? in the novel anyways. if we’re talking CQL, yin iron plot ugh.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I think for similar reasons to 10, not really! I don’t see a lot of hate for any specific plot arc. Oh, maybe the incense burners? I completely unironically love those. people rag a lot on mxtx’s smut, but it’s very important to me for a number of like, personal mental health reasons lol.

23. Unpopular character you love?

xue yang! i think xue yang’s character raises a very interesting point about equivalent justice that kinda gets swept away in all the uhhhh murder. and it’s a point that has really big thematic repercussions, I think? but the way it’s worded makes it very easy to dismiss.

very briefly: xue yang is right when he says that 50 lives cannot pay back his finger, because there is nothing that can pay back that finger. no vengeance or sentence visited upon chang ci’an will ever be equal to the injustice that he visited upon xue yang. i think there’s a bit of naivety in the way xxc says “why didn’t you cut off his finger then? or his whole arm, if that wasn’t enough?” and the answer I think is very obvious--xy cutting off cca’s finger would not in any way be the same kind of trauma that xy losing his finger was, esp if chang ci’an knew who xue yang was. there would be an understanding in that: i am losing my finger because this man blames me for the loss of his finger. but to xue yang, a 7 year old? the pain he experienced was completely senseless and cruel and terrifying.

does that mean xue yang was justified? no jesus christ, but i do think it ties very neatly into the general themes of what it means to get vengeance, what it means to get justice, and how cycles of trauma eventually end. so i love him for that.

on a lesser note, but a similar one: i rather like su she, I think. there is something about like, jgy’s “all i had to do was remember his name and he was willing to die for me” that gets to me. there’s a huge tragedy in that somewhere.

wow i have no idea if any of that was coherent im very sleepy

salt asks

[purityoflust]

Hi! May I have a creepypasta matchup please?

Im a intj. My sun sign is pisces, my moon sign is Sagittarius, and my rising sign is virgo!

I have medium dirty blonde hair, I have tan skin also I wear glasses and I have hazel eyes Im kinda muscular too. My style changes alot but I'm mostly vampire gothic I like wearing rings, makeup, and jewelry with my clothes when im tired or unmotivated I wear punk clothes without makeup but still wear my jewelry and rings. But when its time to chill I wear tank tops and sweatpants with a bun

I love playing video games, listening to music, watching scary or comedy movies, I like reading books and doing art when I have time. I like spending time with others and chill with them im like a random stray cat that pops out of nowhere to see what others are up to.

I dont really like loud noises or repetitive sounds, I especially hate the sound of squeaky foam sounds I tried my best to describe it, I dislike people being judgmental to others who they don't even know, argumentive people and people that likes to tick you off on purpose.

I have a strong personality and im mostly psychic but i fight for what's right and protect others, I stand up for people Im not really shy but im standoff-ish to others I barely know and im mostly quiet but when im talked to I talk back, im ambiverted I have bad social anxiety I don't really trust people as well, I have a few close friends as well. I love to collect crystals, rocks, or anything nature related. Im intelligent in many ways like if someone needs the answer for something I give it to them off hand

If im in a relationship im clingy and protective and Im always there for them, If we argue then I keep slient and want to talk things out if they are upset I comfort them or give them small gifts. I love to make inside jokes and vines references and Im not really experienced in relationships like I get all blushy and awkward lmaooo. I'm also focusing on myself which is great, I struggle with depression and derealization it really sucks because I lose all motivation but I keep pushing on.

My love language is quality time and giving gifts! I think spending time together is pretty neat and sweet, I give them gifts because I want to see their smile =]

My favorite colors are maroon, dark blue, purple, forest green and black!

The type of music I listen is hyperpop, nu-metal, and some rap, but not all of it. I mostly listen to korn, 16volt, and slipknot. Btw 16volt is kinda like dubstep metal.

My sexuality is bisexual (preference for guys) im genderfluid so any pronouns as well!

My favorite animals are reptiles, bunnies, mammals, and felines! Dogs scare me a little tho but not badly

Thats all I can think of, I hope your day and week goes well for you oh btw I love your blog and writing :) thank you for doing my request when you have time!

Your matchup is: Eyeless Jack!

This didn't take too long to figure out. Just how I would word it.

In general:

When I saw this, I knew it SCREAMED EJ. It just- ugh, you two fit perfectly together like a puzzle piece. Your style, personality, everything is just perfect.

Tbh I was stuck between Masky and EJ but went with the dark king.

Tbh I see him having a dark styled S/O.

Jack is very quiet and reserved. And patient.

You appear the same way, so it's only fair.

I imagine he's an INFJ, which still fits well!

He adores your zodiac. <3

Things he likes about you:

Your beauty. Your hair, your skin, your eyes, your fit form - he loves it all. He loves giving you hugs because of it!

That's not just it. He LOVES your personality.

He honestly loves how self-reserved yet laid back you are. He respects that.

He honestly finds it adorable when you check in on him or anyone else just as a "hey what's up" type deal.

He loves that you stand up for what you believe in and you fight for it, as well. He finds it beyond admirable.

He understands being standoffish, he honestly gets the same way!

He absolutely agrees with you on detesting those who judge and seek to hurt for no reason [At least personality wise. He's a cannibal, of course he's gonna physically hurt someone].

He adores your style. He finds it unique and cute. And badass.

Goth/Punk lover for the win.

He ABSOLUTELY respects your identity and pronouns.

He likes to mix them up lightheartedly, calling you a "he" around others then "she" out of nowhere. It confuses them and he finds it amusing.

Of course he means no ill intent with it.

He'd of course stop if you were uncomfortable.

Adores your art skills.

Your intelligence!

When you talk about what you like. Being so passionate about things just makes his heart flutter - especially when you talk about collecting things and what kind of animals you adore.

He quotes vines as well, so he definitely enjoys joking with you!

Psychic GF/BF/SO? HELL YEAH!

You two as a couple:

He's kind and patient with you.

He's always talking in a soft, deep voice around you.

He always makes sure nothing is too loud around you.

Positive affirmations!

If you need space, all you have to do is ask.

He lets you steal his hoodies & T-Shirts.

He honestly loves kissing you all over. [Anywhere you're comfortable with.]

Inside jokes!

He always praises you.

He finds it extremely attractive when you're protective of him.

He doesn't mind the clinginess tbh.

He gets the same way, actually.

He's just as protective tbh.

He will absolutely TEAR into anyone who hurts you. [Quite literally].

Quality time!

He loves playing video games with you - and watch horror movies!

He'll do anything with you, really.

Sometimes he steals your shirts, too.

He understands the awkwardness and being inexperienced, you're honestly his first S/O in a long time, so he's warming up to it himself.

He may seem a bit awkward, but he loves you.

He adores your love language. His is basically hovering behind you for a while and hugging you from behind.

He also loves stroking your hair.

Finds your glasses adorable, honestly, so he's always calling you his sweet little nerd.

He completely understands your derealization and depression and is there for you 24/7.

Alot of cuddles and kisses!

Jamming out to nu-metal all the way!

He'd look into hyperpop for you, to be honest.

Ends up loving it.

HELL YEAH, JAM SESSIONS!

Adores dark colors.

Definitely robs a few stores just to get you some gifts.

Definitely gets you more punkish/gothic clothing.

And accessories!

Always compliments you, especially when you aren't wearing any makeup.

Matching rings omg!

Matching outfits??????

Loves surprising you with food, too!

Sweets, savory, anything you want.

NOTE: Hi Sugarplumb! I'm sorry this took a while, I really wanted to make sure I got this right. I'm sorry if some things are repeated or out of order, I went from what was at the top of my head.

You remind me so much of myself. Appearance, style and all! Except I'm so white, I make Casper look rainbow bright. I also vibe in Scorpio.

I'm so sorry you go through Depression and Derealization. I hope you enjoyed this regardless! Don't be afraid to ask me to add anything else in if you'd like!

And thank you so much on the compliment! I hope you have an amazing week as well! I'm glad you like my writing. :)

[unicyclehippo]

Hey are you NB? I saw that you have they/them in your bio and I know you've written NB characters before. Hope it's okay to ask! If so how did you know you were? Recently I've been feeling really uncomfortable with my body, my chest specifically, I always look at it and wish it was a lot more flat. I know I'm not trans but I don't know if I feel enough to be NB? (1/2)

Like maybe I'm just dissatisfied with the typical constraints placed on femininity which I don't really vibe with? I also see a lot of talk about how people can't be a NB lesbian, I don't think this is true personally(?) but if it is I'd be really sad to have to lose that community. It feels kind of silly to question this at 25 like it's almost as if it's too late to even think about it. Ugh sorry I hope this isn't really weird I just don't know where to start with all of this. (2/2)

//

well so im queer is how i personally like to identify but within that i would say that im an NB lesbian. i wrote O (in gaf au) as nonbinary immediately before i was like “huh wild i was exploring smth here”. and i don’t think there is any one way to be Nonbinary but u should know that the white stripe on the trans flag? that’s us, mate . technically, i believe Monica Helms (she’s the creator of the trans flag, the blue pink & white stripes) says it is for people who are transitioning or who have neutral gender?

i don’t know how much i can help u with this. that’s not said to be mean, it’s just that im a person who is intensely . bad at being a person. i feel like im pretending to Be someone, be human, in every aspect of my life all the time so to give someone advice on smth so personal is. impossible. everyone experiences things, it seems, differently. we each have our own distinct framework through which we examine & understand the world & ourselves. a kaleidoscope of all the colours of our own experiences & conversations & opinions that distorts & reconfigures things in beautiful & vastly different ways. that being said, sometimes pieces line up for us.

i think christina @ gaygeeknerd on Twitter said it in a way that resonated with me . i hope they don’t mind if i repeat it here.. basically they said (& i will try to reblog with the thread later) that they didn’t know if they/them & the identity of nonbinary was the perfect fit for them but “I know when someone uses they/them for me it means they care and want me to be me”.

that resonates with me bc when i think abt myself, my gender is not smth that is at the core of who i am. it’s a non-important aspect of who i am (until, ofc, i am reminded of it). it’s always been unimportant to me in a way that goes beyond “i don’t like being told i can’t do smth bc im—“ if that makes sense? it is dissatisfaction with gender roles, certainly, but it’s also a disconnect with the entire concept, which is i thought maybe i would connect to more if i understood more, & listened to trans voices regarding how they knew, but nothing has resonated with me so much as those simple lines “I don’t know if this is right but [...] when someone uses them for me it means they care”.

sometimes im worried. about whether who i think am is because there is smth wrong with me. i don’t think that is unfamiliar concept to anyone, certainly not someone who is asking me the questions that u are. but im 25 & i only started questioning this a few years ago, & my sexuality a little while before that. & i think a lot of things about the state of freedom being not only the ability to behave & present the way u want but also to have people see u behaving & presenting the way u want & supporting u in those ways. bc we don’t exist in a void & perceptions of being, of having a self - being Seen - is important, maybe necessary, in having a gender bc the custom (not the right word for it but heyo let’s push on) is that it is a binary & I must be one or the other so to have someone see me & use they or them is the confirmation, the assertion of being not of the binary. that being said - trans women & men know themselves that they are the gender that they are. if they have that certainty, then gender does Not require another person, just for the Self to know what the Self is. in which case, my opinion on gender being smth that is Viewed is entirely incorrect & it is smth that exists only when i am seen.

there’s this conversation i remember seeing somewhere, im not sure where, that is smth like, “if you want to be a girl, you’re a girl.” that helped me a lot bc it opened up this idea to me that if the construct of being non-binary is so very very appealing to me, if it makes me feel more realised...maybe that’s enough.

i don’t think this will help but i hope it does. sorry i couldn’t give you any solid help. i hope when your answers come that the experience is kind & that some weight is lifted from your shoulders

[jovialjuggernaut-draws]

Yo, anon from before. How about instead of the two fics, then maybe a short oneshot where Sokka and Zuko take a night walk and confess their feelings. If you don't want to do that then that's okay. Also, the art is really cool!

Hey so I took this and ran with it and ended up with over 2k words so! Enjoy your oneshot!

Zuko rubbed the sleep out of his eye, refocusing on the rolled parchment before him. He still couldn't tell if the character he was looking at had a stroke missing, or if it was simply a word he actually didn't know.

"Or," Sokka's voice drifted over his shoulder, startling him into dropping the scroll, "You're too tired to read. Come on, let's do something fun." 

Zuko yawned, retrieving the scroll and rolling it up properly. "You're not going to try to make me go to bed?" 

"Nope. Never works, anyway, you just end up staring at the ceiling and thinking about how much work you could be getting done, which kind of defeats the purpose."

Zuko couldn't help but huff out a short laugh. Sokka cracked that crooked grin he always got. "You know me so well. Well, what are we doing, then?"

Sokka presented him with a papier-mâché mask, pulling his own down over his face. The mask he wore was red and twisted, the mask of an evil spirit. He'd handed Zuko a blue one, reminiscent of his old Blue Spirit mask, but slightly different in its design. He imagined it was modeled for the same character. 

"There's a festival going on in town. It's winding down by now, but we should still make it in time for the fireworks." 

Zuko smiled, slipping the mask on and pulling a relatively casual robe from his armoire to pull on. 

"Ooh, fancy. Getting dressed up for me?" Sokka teased. He was dressed down in Water Tribe blues, the soft cotton out of place compared with Zuko's silks. 

"It's all I have." Zuko admitted, embarrassed. 

Sokka shrugged. "It'll do. Just try not to get mugged." 

"I'm more worried about getting caught by the guards. We're going to look like suspicious characters, sneaking out of the palace at night in masks." 

"Then we have to be extra careful not to get caught, don't we?" 

Zuko couldn't see his face, but he was perfectly familiar with the mischievous grin Sokka was undoubtedly wearing beneath the grimacing mask. Zuko's lips tugged into an answering conspiratorial smile. 

"Lead the way."

Sokka obeyed, tugging the Fire Lord through the servant's corridors and to a suspiciously uneven spot in the wall. He slid a brick out of place, revealing a mechanism beneath, and directed Zuko to send a pulse of fire into it, revealing one of the palace's many secret passageways. 

"How did you know this was here?" Zuko probed, padding quickly behind his guide. 

"Oh, Ty Lee showed Suki, and Suki showed me. Pretty nifty, right?" 

Of course, Ty Lee was perfectly familiar with the ins and outs of the palace. Azula never could sit still for long, not when there was trouble to get into, and never did so without someone to take the potential fall for her. 

"Useful, yeah." Zuko agreed. 

The air before them became suddenly cool, a breeze flowing in from the loose-fitting bricks in the flat wall. Sokka bent down, sliding his fingers between two of the bricks, and tugged on a hidden mechanism, sliding the other end of the passage open. 

The wall opened up onto a rooftop in the upper part of the city, affording them a view of the streets below. Citizens in their finest clothes, donning masks of all colors and designs, bustled about the busy paths. Booths lined both sides of the main thoroughfare, merchants hawking their wares, gamesmasters recruiting players, the scent of foods wafting out from here and there. 

Zuko had never attended a festival like this, personally. It would seem too common, and awfully unrefined, for a prince to be prancing about. They watched on from afar, once or twice, putting in official appearances, but even then… 

Zuko couldn't remember festivals in the capital city having ever been so exuberant.  People seemed joyous, unburdened, laughing openly and easily with one another, bumping into strangers without sparing a thought. 

It was odd, yes, but also comforting, in a way the Fire Lord couldn't quite articulate. 

"Come on! They're doing the fireworks by the harbor, we want to get a good view!" Sokka cut through his thoughts, as he was so talented at doing, and tugged him forward. 

They hopped between rooftops for a bit, avoiding the bustling crowds, until they came to an alleyway with boxes stacked high, an easy way to descend. Zuko hopped down in two long jumps, easily reaching the street level before his companion, who was delicately sliding down each box. 

"No fair! I have to be nice to my leg still!" Sokka whined. Zuko smirked back at him, hidden behind the blue mask. 

"I'll keep that in mind. I forget how delicate you are, Princess." 

"Hey!" Sokka punched him lightly in the shoulder. "You can't make that joke! You're an actual Prince!"

"I don't know if you've heard, but I've been promoted. I have a new title now." 

"Yeah, yeah, get a big head about it." Sokka grumbled in mock aggravation.

"Don't worry, I could never get a bigger head than yours." Zuko held a hand to his face to cover his smile at Sokka's dramatically offended reaction, forgetting it was already hidden by the mask. 

"Fine! I won't let you share my fire flakes, then!" Sokka stomped off, huffing. 

"Oh, don't worry. I can afford my own." Zuko responded loftily. 

"I changed my mind, actually! You're buying the snacks!" 

Zuko stifled his laughter, following Sokka's lead as the other boy led the way between stalls, picking up various spicy snacks and a couple of drinks Zuko wasn't sure he trusted him with. 

"Do you know how strong those are?" He interrogated. Sokka shrugged. 

"We'll find out, won't we? Come on, let's go get a good seat. They're starting soon." 

Sokka led the way through several alleys, away from the busy main street, until the crowd thinned. 

The building he climbed up was in minor need of repair, and the windows were darkened, leaving them reasonably certain it was empty. Zuko gave him a leg up, minding the mostly-healed injury, and passed the snacks up after. He ignored the hand Sokka dangled down to assist him, smoothly vaulting up the wall onto the roof next to him. 

"Show off." Sokka lifted his mask to rest on top of his head, revealing the dramatic roll of his eyes. Zuko followed suit, sliding his mask to the side, letting Sokka see his smirk. "Ugh, sit down already. And pass me the fire flakes." 

Zuko complied, resting next to the other close enough for their knees to brush as they dangled their legs over the side of the roof. Sokka munched the spicy snack, using his drink to cool his mouth down. Again, Zuko worried about its strength, sipping at his own. It didn't taste very alcoholic, but it was also deliciously tangy, which could be pretty deceptive. 

The whistle of the first firework pulled him from his musing.

The blast shot high in the sky, a sparkling array of colors scattering and shimmering against the dark sky beyond. The next blasts came in clusters, the explosions lighting up the sky in carefully coordinated patterns. Below, several master firebenders synchronised a dance with the fireworks, bending dragons of flame to follow the blasts. 

"Wow…" Sokka breathed next to him. 

Zuko understood the wonder. He'd seen fireworks before, sure, but they were never focussed near the palace. The noise alone was reason enough, and the soot left behind to clean up after solidified their location as far away from the nobility as possible. 

"You know…" Sokka murmured, leaning into Zuko, their shoulders bumping together. "I always thought of firebending as a scary thing."

Zuko hummed. "It can be. You had good reason."

"Yeah, but…" Sokka huffed, choosing his words. "When we first went to a festival like this, we saw the fire dancers performing just like that, fire dragon and all. I'd never even considered that bending could be used for something like that. Something beautiful." 

Sokka's eyes were trained on the display in front of them. Zuko searched them, looking for the further meaning in his words. 

"All bending is like that, I think." Zuko finally said. Sokka tore his eyes away from the fireworks to catch his gaze. The colors reflected so clearly in his icy blue eyes. "Both beauty and danger. I mean, just look at what your sister can do with hers."

Sokka winced for a moment, leaning away. He forced a laugh. "Yeah, she's pretty scary. Everyone thinks of waterbending as soft and healing but, hoo boy, can she do some damage."

Zuko felt like he'd missed something, ruined a moment he hadn't even known was happening. He simply nodded. "Exactly." 

They went back to sharing their snacks and watching the performance, a strange silence settling between them. 

Zuko cleared his throat, desperate to destroy the awkwardness he'd unwittingly dropped on them. "So… what's the festival for? Do you know?"

Sokka laughed, genuinely this time. "Shouldn't you know? You're the Fire Lord, right?" 

Zuko shrugged. Sokka smiled, looking out over the crowd a few streets away. "They're celebrating just to celebrate. Because they can."

"Oh."

Sokka nudged him, bumping their shoulders again. "We did this, you know. Even here, the people were scared. The war wasn't good for anyone. We made this possible."

Zuko shrunk into himself, familiar guilt settling into his stomach. Sokka set down the cup, nearly empty, and turned to face him fully, folding his legs under him. 

"You made this possible." He emphasized. "This is why you've been working so hard. Your people can celebrate like this, have fun openly in the streets, watch some fireworks! Did you see how many people from other nations were there, too?" Sokka reached out, tilting Zuko's chin to force him to look back at him. Zuko swallowed, overwhelmed by the emotion in Sokka's crystal blue eyes. "We fought so hard for this, and it's finally possible. This is… well, this is what I wanted to show you." He dropped his hand, looking away, embarrassed. Zuko felt his lips part in surprise, eyes wide. He looked out over the crowd, that strangely comforting feeling from before returning, and then looked back at Sokka. 

Compelled by an urge he'd felt many times before but never acted on, he leaned forward, reaching for Sokka's face. Cradling his cheeks in both hands, he drew him in, their lips finally meeting. Sokka's lips twitched into a smile against his, tilting his head properly and meeting the kiss firmly. Zuko felt like his brain had melted, unable to process the thought that Sokka was kissing him back, had so long ago convinced himself it was hopeless. Tentatively, he darted his tongue out, licking at Sokka's lower lip in a question. Again, Sokka responded positively, allowing him to deepen the kiss. 

Zuko leaned forward further, bending Sokka back towards the tiles of the roof, crowding over him possessively. Sokka laughed against him, winding his arms around Zuko's neck. 

"A little pushy, are we?" He smirked. 

Zuko swallowed, pulling back as far as Sokka's arms would allow. "I, uh… I think, maybe, those drinks were, um, stronger than we thought?" He rambled defensively. 

"Oh, no. You don't get to blame this on the alcohol." Sokka tugged him down, drawing him into another kiss. "Besides, I got virgin drinks anyway. Completely alcohol-free. Like a good boy."

Zuko stared in shock, agape. "You didn't!" 

"I did!"

"You let me believe they were alcoholic!" 

Sokka shrugged. "You decided that, yourself. I just didn't contradict you." 

Zuko groaned, burying his face in Sokka's collarbone. "Ugh, it's the same thing!" He felt Sokka's laugh, shoulders moving against him. "I hate you."

"Well, I love you." Sokka grinned, nudging Zuko's temple with his nose, urging the other to meet his gaze again. "Hey. I mean it. I really do." 

Zuko swore his heart stopped. The air disappeared from his lungs. The churning of the chi in his gut stilled. He stared.

"I love you." Sokka repeated. 

Zuko swallowed. He buried his face in Sokka's shoulder again, rubbing his forehead against his collarbone. He couldn't meet his eyes when he said it. "I love you. Also." 

A hearty laugh bumped him off of Sokka's shoulder, and the tribesman held his face in both hands. "Get back to kissing me, you big dork." He ordered. 

Zuko had never been so glad to follow an order in his life.

[skzluvs]

Piece of cake 🎂; Yang Jeongin

Genre: Fluff! Friends to lovers au!

Warnings: mild swearing

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: Happy Birthday to our cute maknae Innie, he has grown so much. I’m beyond proud of him, he’s such a beautiful soul I wish nothing but happiness for him. I’m so soft for this boy I’m legit crying.

You were all gathered in the living room.

The four boys standing in front of you staring at each other with confused looks. There was a moment of silence before you snapped at them in annoyance. There was no way they could be any more stupid.

"Do I really have to explained it to you again you doofuses" You raised an eyebrow in disbelief at the sight of the obvious lack of understanding your friends had. Seungmin just moved his hands encouraging you to repeat the plan one more time. You took a deep breath, before continuing, "For the last time, Hyunjin is in charge of distracting jeongin, until we finish decorating" The boy nodded in agreement, he understood his role was probably the most important one, " Felix I need your lungs to blow those balloons" You pointed at the table covered with bags with deflated balloons. "Seungmin and I are in charge of baking the cake" He smiled in excitement. " And I think that's it, simple right, it's a piece of cake"

Someone cleared his throat behind you, clearly irritated at the fact that you didn't assigned him an important task like the others.

" What about me Y/N, what am I supposed to do" He said pouting.

" Jisung you have the most important part" You said reassuring.

" Which is?" He asked euphoric. Clapping his hands.

" Stay here and make sure to not open your huge ass mouth, I promise your contribution is the most helpful one" You said smiling sarcastically. " If anyone dares to ruin this surprise I swear for my life I'll haunt every single one of you in your sleep for the rest of your miserable lives, and you would see what's to live a nightmare with your eyes open, understood" A few scared whispers and some sighs at the end they all came to agreement. Working together as a team to give the youngest, undeniably the best surprise party, needless to say this was carefully planned by you over the course of the last few weeks.

Everyone left, not before settling that Hyunjin would come back exactly at 6 with Jeongin, therefore everything had to be ready before that.

You got into Seungmin's car, he turned on the radio, letting you choose the next song, you both sang along to Taeyon's spark, on the way to the supermarket.

" Get a shopping cart we need to pick up a few things" You said to him, as you entered the local market. Pulling up a list from your bag with all the items needed.

He got the cart and followed you behind like a puppy, through the aisles, helping you pick now and then when you were torn between certain brands.

"So should we make it a chocolate cake or a vanilla cake?" You asked him staring at the two boxes in each one of your hands.

" That's such a simple question Y/N, Chocolate superior" He said looking at you obvious.

"Alright, alright Chef Seungmin let's do chocolate" You said throwing the box into the cart. " Ohhh" you exclaimed fascinated. "We have to get this" You pointed, jumping in the excitement at the cute cake toppers. "Jeongin is going to love the tiny fox sprinkles" You smiled at the resemblance between your best friend and the furry animal.

" You are so whipped Y/N" Seungmin said teasingly.

"Shut up, he's like a little brother to me" You stared at your shoes trying to hide the blush creeping into your soft cheeks.

"Not so little, remember he literally just became an adult today" Seungmin was right. Jeongin was just a year younger than the rest of you, that's why your group tended to baby him the most, and he hated it so much. Now that he was all grown up you wondered if his attitude would change towards your antics.

Once you finished shopping. Seungmin and you went back to the house. You got the groceries from the trunk carrying all the bags, with your hands full, you struggled finding the key to open the door.

"Call Jisung and tell him to move his lazy ass from the couch so he can come and help us" 

You heard him comply through the phone but in less than a second the door opened revealing your friend who still looked half asleep.

" Don't stare just stare at me, help me carry these" You said handing him the heavy bags that were already leaving bruises on your wrists.

"Did you guys went to buy cake ingredients or the whole grocery store" He said complaining at the amount of things you got.

" I got a little carried away okay" You confessed taking your shoes off at the door and walking straight to the kitchen.

Seungmin got ingredients from the bags and laid them on top of the kitchen table. You got the molds and the mixer from one of the cabinets, and tied your apron from your waist.

"Crack two eggs" You signaled Seungmin, as you poured the batter into the mixing bowl.

You were spraying the molds with butter so Seungmin could pour the batter and it wouldn't stick to the bottom once the cake was completely cooked. When your phone in your back pocket began to vibrate. You decided to ignore it, since you were extremely focused on your task. But after a couple of more rings you couldn't bear with the annoying sound any longer.

You picked up right away. Not before telling Seungmin to put the molds inside the oven.

"Hyunjin why are you fucking calling me right now " you leaned over the counter trying to wipe off your apron that was covered on white flour and sugar.

"He's been sulking all day Y/N, I even took him to the amusement park but he seems so down is actually depressing, He literally just said to me "This would actually be fun if Y/N would've come with me and not you" I'm deeply hurt, never imagined he thought of me as your replacement" He sighed dramatically.

" Just deal with it, you can have another of your existential crisis later" You rolled your eyes at your dramatic friend.

"Can you at least call him? he's just acting so weird, he just told me he wants to come home I don't know what to do" He whispered nervously.

"I'm trying to bake a cake hyunjin I can't give him a call right now" You said clearly. " But you are talking to me right now and the cake doesn't seem to be stopping you from doing it" He backfired.

" Ugh you are so annoying, maybe I can't call him because I'm busy and my hands and covered in flour and, Seungmin Lower down the temperature I can smell something burning!!!" You yelled. "I don't know hyunjin, keep him occupied, after all is your job, you better not come any earlier than we accorded. I’m warning you, I got to go" you said ending the call abruptly. Rushing rapidly to the oven where smoke was starting to escape from the sides of it.

" Fuck Y/N I think we burned the cake" Seungmin said panicking.

"Oh you think so" You responded sarcastically. Trying to extinguish the smoke before the alarm went on.

You opened the oven only to see your chocolate cake, all spilled, dark carbon colored batter dripping from the mold.

" Why you said we would bake the cake, if you had never done it before, don't just blame it on me!" He yelled back at you.

"Maybe I just wanted to do something nice for my fucking best friend, Seungmin"  You replied infuriated at the boy's words.

You walked away trying to not lose your calm "everything it's okay Y/N just take a deep breath" you whispered to yourself.

Your three friends standing in front of you not wanting to say anything, terrified to even move an inch knowing you could break down at any moment.

" Felix those balloons are not going to blow themselves!" You exclaimed.

" You ate the snacks I left on the table, didn't you, I told you earlier those were for later" You pointed at Jisung who only raised his hands innocently.

You were frustrated to say the least, overwhelmed,

Tired, you wanted to cry, the perfect party for your best friend was a complete utter disaster. You looked at the clock half an hour until Hyunjin brings jeongin back. You stepped out of to house because you began to feel suffocated. You needed some air. In desperation you remembered the person who was always one call away.

You dialed the number hoping he would pick up the phone, he was always busy working on his studio, so you didn't actually expected for him to pick up after the first tone, you were surprised when he did.

"Hey Baby girl"

"Chan" You whined at him.

" What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

" I need your help" You said.

" I'm all ears" He laughed softly. Chan was your supportive friend. He took care of you since he was older, he was always there when you needed him.

You ranted the catastrophe of your failing attempt of birthday party.

" Can you please bring me a cute cake? Jeongin might be on his way and I can't let him have a burned piece of uncooked batter for his birthday" You asked, hoping not to disturb him too much, knowing how busy he was most of the time working on his new tracks.

" Sure thing baby girl, I was heading out either way, I can't come empty handed" He said and you sighed in relief feeling like that heavy weight was lifted from your shoulders.

" You are the best Channie, I'll see you in a bit" You said your goodbyes and ended the call, you were extremely grateful towards him.

You opened the door entering the house. Your friends gathered looking at you with concerned expressions. The three of them instantly running towards you, the minute you crossed the doorstep, wrapping you in a group hug.

" We are sorry Y/N" They said unison.

"We know you've been under so much stress trying to make everything perfect" Seungmin said apologetic.

"And your stupid friends have ruined it all" Felix added teary eyed.

" We'll make it up to you, Let's get to work we have to give Innie the best birthday party ever" Jisung encouraged all of you to stop being so emotional and get on top of your game.

With you basically running out of time. You all began to work at a unquestionably high speed. Felix blowing balloons like crazy. Seungmin cleaning the mess in the kitchen. Jisung restocking the snacks and the drinks. And you dusting off the living the room. Everyone was so focused that no one even listened when the bell rang. Until you stopped the vacuum.

You opened the door, Chan was standing there smiling so bright, showing his dimples, you almost jumped on top of him if it wasn't because the cake he was holding with both of his hands was in the way.

"Channie, I've missed you so much" You said clinging yourself to his back.

" It's been a long time baby girl"

The boys immediately stopped what they were doing to come greet their brother.

" Chan mate you finally came to visit us" Felix said hugging the other Aussie.

" I wish I could come more often but this college life man, it ain't easy plus I've been working on some songs with Changbin" He said looking for Jisung, turning to talk to him directly. " We can't wait for you to graduate, without you we can't be 3racha"

" Just a couple more months, It's going to be awesome man, the trio reunited again" Jisung said with the eyes filled with excitement.

Chan helped you decorate with a couple of party decoration supplies he brought. You looked around one last time. Unable to contain the tears at the sight of how everything came together at the end. Proud of yourself and you also had to credit the hard work your dumb but amazing friends.

An upcoming text brightened the screen of your phone. It was hyunjin announcing that they were 5 minutes away from arriving. That was your cute, You all went to hide in different spots, after turning off all the lights. You headed directly to the kitchen and grabbed the cake, crouching behind the counter.

The house was dead silent until you heard the sound of the key clashing into the lock. The door opening slowly.

“Why is it so dark in here?” Hyunjin said playing along while pretending to looking for the light switch.

“ Wait I thought you said Y/N was not home, why are her shoes here?” Jeongin asked confused, with certain affliction in his voice.

“ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Innie, Happy birthday to you” You sang as you made your way towards him. The cake lighted up by the incandescent light from the single candle placed in the center.

The rest of your friends joined you while screaming

“SURPRISE”

Jeongin was loss for words, his cheeks stained by the beautiful tears that were sliding carefully. Like an open faucet, unable to control them. He smiled through them. Flashing his indistinguishable pearly white teeth. Alluring dimples. Stars that flashed on those sparkly eye pools as he stared directly at you. Like you were the only thing he was able to see in that dim room.

He closed his eyes and blew the candle wishing for something his heart desired for so long.

Everyone clapped and congratulate the boy who was no longer a baby but now a man. Hyunjin turned on the lights and you all gathered at the table to eat.

As you were walking to the dinning room, someone softly pulled from your sleeve.

Your eyes instantly meeting with his.

lost in his angelic aura.

You had been crushing on the boy for long enough

That you truly wanted to impress him with this whole surprise party idea. It seemed like your planned worked at perfection when he wrapped you in his arms.

“No one had ever done something like this for me, thank you so much Y/N” He whispered into the crook of your neck. The proximity making your limbs froze and your skin tingled due to the warmth he provided.

“ It’s nothing, Im glad you liked it Jeonginnie” You replied with a loving smile.

“ You know I was mad at you all day” He laughed bittersweet.

“Sorry for missing on riding the Ferris wheel with you” You said making fun of him.

“ I actually wanted to ride it with you instead of being stuck there with Mr. Dramatic for 45 minutes” a sigh escaping from his pink soft lips.

“ Is it because he becomes all clingy as it goes up, he’s such a scary cat” Laughing at the memory of hyunjin clinging into your arm like his life depended on it, the last time you all went to the amusement park.

“ That and because I hoped to hold your hand” He said staring into your eyes, trying to tell you something, but you were unable to read through the lines.

“ You do that all of the time Innie” It was not a novelty the amount of skin ship you and your best friend had.

“ You can’t possible be any more dense Y/N” He spoke a little irritated at your ignorance.

Your friend was rather shy, this sudden confidence had you all bewildered.

“ I like you, you idiot” He said obvious, tired of hinting something that was crystal clear.

“ You what...?” You were puzzled, your jaw almost hitting the floor in disbelief.

“ I know we’ve been friends for such a long time but I be always seen you in another light, will you let me be the one who holds your hand forever?” He asked extending his hand to grab yours softly, sliding his palm on top of yours and intertwining fingers.

“ Yes” You whispered hiding your face in his chest “I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you”

He untangled your hands to grab your jaw softly, so you would look at him, Bodies shaking, an adrenaline rush, and fireworks exploding the moment he laid his lips on top of your, delicate and with such sincerity, a kiss that revealed the profound innocent love they had one for the other.

“ Best birthday ever” He said stealing one more peck at your lips. He became addicted to the taste.

“ It was a piece of cake” You winked at him. “ For your information Seungmin burned your original cake, The one I baked with so much love”

“ Oh that’s why it smells like barbecue” He said. Both of you exploding into laughter. “ At least you didn’t burned down the house, I need to keep you as far away from the kitchen as possible sweetheart”

[hanawrites404]

No I In Threesome

Game : The Arcana

Pairing : Nadia Satrinava/Lucinda Wei/Lucio Morgasson

Warnings : threesome sex

Characters : Lucio Morgasson, Lucinda Wei (OC of @dreamygi ) and Nadia Satrinava

Timeline : Pre-plague

This story is based on this song :

And this is story was requested by the sweetie Jiah (@dreamygi )

Third Person POV

It was a normal inky black night in Vesuvia. The moon was shining out in the sky as usual and the stars twinkled with it.

People were bustling around the city minding their own business in the crowds. It was too packed up outside but that didn't mean that the condition inside the palace was any different.

In the Count's palace, a young lady was scrambling on her legs as she rushed for the Count's aid because she was summoned by him. Her flowy black hair followed her pace and her dark brown eyes were frantically moving here and there as she changed directions.

Once she reached his room, she knocked thrice at the door. From the other side, a muffled and cheery 'Come in!' came. And so, the pretty lady opened the door and entered.

"Lucinda! How nice to see my favorite maid come to me for my assistance" the count flaunted. Lucinda smiled at the count and approached him.

"You flatter me Count Lucio" she replied.

"So tell me sir, what can I do for you?"

"You see, the dinner you made today was really great Lucinda, but unfortunately I could not get enough of your delicious cooking. So can you please make some of your scrumptious cookies to satisfy my hunger?" He requested.

"Your Highness, you should not. First, it will ruin your appetite. And second, the dinner was one big load of food. If you eat more, it would not be healthy for you" she lectured him.

"Oh come on, can't I get something small and sweet to melt my mouth?" He pouted angrily.

"Your Grace, I would love to feed you with as many cookies I can make but, now is not the time. I am really sorry" she told him.

"Ugh fine....You are dismissed then" he pouted again, crossing his arms and sitting on his bed, turning his head away from her like an angry child.

Lucinda felt a bit pity on the childish Count. Nobody knew this but, Lucinda has a small crush on the Count.

........

..............

.......................

........OK that was a lie. She had a FAT crush on Lucio.

His conceited smile, his golden hair, his porcelain skin and his shining silver eyes were enough to make her lose her mind. She fell for him when she saw him for the first time. The fact that she was the Count's favourite maid made her heart swell with joy.

But for now, Lucinda had to refuse the count for feeding him cookies because she was worried about his health and didn't want him to become ill. She cared about him a lot and was denying him for his own good, even if it pained her heart to see Lucio being dissapointed.

But it didn't last long as Lucio's face brightened up again with an awfully suspicious smirk on his lips.

Lucinda raised her eyebrow. "Is something wrong Your Highness?"

"You see, if not cookies then how about a massage? My shoulders have become a bit stiff from sitting through countless meetings" he rubbed his shoulder to soothe it.

"Oh I can do that" Lucinda cracked her knuckles to get them nicely moving.

Lucio stripped from his coat and removed his upper clothing till his chest was exposed to the air. He relaxed himself on the bed in an extremely sexy pose which flexed his abdominal muscles.

"So where should I sta- Ahh!!!"

Lucinda squeaked from surprise and backed away a bit, blushing madly on seeing the half-naked Count.

"Y-Your Highness! Why are you naked!!?" Lucinda covered her eyes.

"I need to take off my clothes for a better effect, don't I? That's why I removed them. I want to feel your soft and proficient hands on me" he rubbed his chest in a seducing manner.

Lucinda blushed harder.

"Are you sure about this, Your Highness??" She asked one more time.

"I'm very sure about this, Darling" he winked at her, the nickname making her more flustered.

Lucinda gulped, but then approached the Count slowly. Her hands were shaking the whole time. She sits beside Lucio, hesitant to touch his body. This was the first time she was seeing him naked.

"T-Turn around please" she shyly requested him.

Lucio nodded and roller over, his back on top.

They were bestrowed with battle scars. Some of them were light and had almost healed up while some of them looked very deep and odious.

Lucinda winced at seeing each of the scars, her pity on him growing more.

"Don't worry. It was all in the past. Each scar had its own story though. Maybe I will tell you about them in the future" Lucio winked at her.

Lucinda blushed and nodded. She then took hold of his shoulders and pressed them, earning a quiet moan from him.

She continued putting pressure on them, easing the knots up and careful not to scrap his skin with her nails. She then moves onto his back where she accidentally touched one of the scars which had got swollen with time, making Lucio hiss from pain.

"Sorry" she apologized.

"I-It's alright. I'm fine" he breathed.

"I-I need to put oil on your wounds. That way it will not hurt". Lucinda gets a small bottle of rose-scented oil from her pocket and pours it on her hands. After her hands were smeared with oil, she massaged his whole back gently.

Lucio moaned louder from relief. Lucinda blushed more but she concentrated on her hands to skillfully massage his back. She felt every scar of his on her palm, sending shivers down her spine.

Lucinda could literally see the battlefield in front of her when she touched his wounds. The colliding of metal swords and shields and multiple corpses lying on the mud, bloodshed and ear-piercing screams everywhere. She could imagine everything.

She felt sorry for the Count. He has fought multiple battles and each wound must have hurt him to the maximum. She was really feeling guilty that how she was not by his side when he was in deep pain. She loved him so much that if he gets hurt, Lucinda too would would be injured.

She really really loved him to the most.......

Lucinda was so drowned in her trance that she didn't notice herself getting pinned down on the bed and her dress being removed from her body. However she was broken from her daydreaming when she felt someone sucking on her neck.

Yes......you guessed it right. It was Lucio who was kissing her.

"L-Lucio?! What are you doing?!!" Lucinda was beyond astonished to witness herself fully naked under the Count who had her trapped between his body and his elegant bed.

"You have been teasing me too much. It's time for your punishment" he then bit on her neck, making her yelp loudly and hold onto his shoulder and his hair.

Lucio groaned against her neck and sucked onto where he had bitten her. Lucinda's face was flushed red and she was desperately pulling on the sheets of the bed and his blonde hair, moaning from pleasure.

Lucio pulled away, looking at his masterpiece, smirking at how beautiful it was looking on her soft skin

. A dark red mark was smothered on her neck, ruining the perfection of her skin yet the love bite looked ideal on her.

"L-Lucio....... what was all this??" She asked him, dumbfounded from the sudden affection by the Count on a maid like her.

"Lucinda.....this may seem a bit sudden as it has been only week since you came here but, I have fallen for you. You are so caring towards me.....towards all of us, for that matter. And you are so prepossessing to eyes......I cannot even describe how pretty you are"

Lucio caressed her raven black hair, kissing it softly. Lucinda blushed more and pulled him into an immediate kiss.

That was all she wanted to hear from the Count.........

Lucio was taken aback for a bit, but it did not take him long to melt into the kiss and pull her closer by her head.

Lucinda rolled over so that she is on top and sat on his lap, not breaking the kiss. Lucio held her closer, pressing their bodies together. He had his hands on her bottom, squeezing them.

Lucio then broke the kiss and started pecking her bosom, occasionally biting on it lightly. Lucinda buried her fingers in his hair again as she led out lewd noises. She really wanted to remove his pants and stop the small play already.

She wanted him.....right......now........

"I see that you two are having fun without me"

Lucinda and Lucio both gasped from surprise looked sharply at where the voice came from.

And there was Nadia. She was standing there, her face impassive and her arms crossed as she stared at both of them, especially at the naked ravenette.

But how did Nadia get into the room?

Oh......They had forgotten to lock the door....

"Oh hello Noddy! Fancy seeing you here. But unfortunately, you came at a wrong time. Me and Lucinda were doing some..........private business. So do you mind coming back later??" Lucio gave a guiltless smile.

Nadia shook her head with disapproval and rubbed her eyebrows. She was very very disappointed with the immature Count.

"Lucio, I thought we had a deal that we both would share her" Nadia replied.

"Wait, deal??" Lucinda let go of Lucio and covered herself with a blanket. She was really confused what the hell they both were talking about.

"Yes you heard it right. You see, we both have become quite...... attracted to you, and we both want you. But we didn't want to fight with each other so we both came to an agreement that we shall share you" Nadia explained.

"Oh.....is that so, Milady?" Lucinda blushed pink. Was she hearing this right? That both the Count and the Countess were attracted to her??

"Yes of course. You are so interesting after all. You made us get attracted to you in less than a week. Now that is special, isn't it?" Nadia's cheeks flushed pink.

"Unfortunately, it seems like Lucio has already made his move. But I don't really care about that. So, would you mind if I join, Lucinda?" She asked her, seduction and lust eminent in her tone.

"O-Of course Milady. I don't mind at all", Lucinda had a bright blush on her face too.

Not going to lie, but Lucinda had a huge crush on Nadia too.

The day when she first saw her truly smiling and laughing, her heart had skipped a beat, and that's when she knew that she had indeed fallen for her. Her caring and sagacious personality was what she was attracted to the most.

Lucinda felt her face being cupped by Nadia as she pressed her lips with hers. Lucinda's cheeks got heated up but she obligingly kissed the Countess, pulling her closer.

She noticed how nice the Countess was smelling. She had the scents of jasmine and many other perfumes she could not recognise. But the fact was tru that she was smelling very very divine.

Though she really wanted to concentrate on the soft lips of the Countess, she could not ignore Lucio who was taking off his pants and underwear only to reveal his erect and throbbing meat.

Lucinda gulped inwardly seeing how big he was. Was it even going to fit in her? It will not break her, will it?

"Don't worry about him Dear. Have your beautiful eyes on me" Nadia turned her head towards her and continued to kiss her passionately.

Lucinda kissed back with the same passion but she gasped when she felt the rod griding against her entrance, teasing her and making her wet.

Lucio had taken hold of her soft hips, massaging them and playing with her skin while running his cock on her rose bud, moaning from the electrifying feel.

Lucinda's hand was cupping Nadia's cheek while the other hand had taken hold of Lucio's cock, lining it up to her entrance.

She was tired of all the teasing. She was craving for the real fun now.

Lucio got the signal of hers and smirked. He then wasted no time in inserting his cock inside her hole, groaning from pleasure when he felt his whole meat fit perfectly into her.

Lucinda gasped again and led out another loud moan when she felt his tip poking her spot. Nadia broke the kiss and started pecking her neck, groping her breasts while doing so.

Lucio started moving at a moderate speed, making sure to hit her spot with every thrust.

Lucinda led out many melodious and dirty noises from her throat. The skin of her neck vibrating with the reasonances of her moans.

Nadia bit on her neck and started leaving marks all over. Lucio groaned again and spanked her bottom hard, speeding himself up and leaning onto Lucinda's back, digging his nails on her hips.

Now that was going to leave a nasty mark....

"Oh gods!!....L-Lucio!! Nadia!!" Lucinda screamed both of their names, panting from breathlessness. She was getting so much pleasure from both the sides that she was on the verge of losing herself to orgasm already.

"Yes...scream my name....just like that" Lucio whispered in her hear and bit it, tugging on it lightly with his teeth.

Nadia on the other hand had littered her skin with many purple love bites and moved onto sucking her breast buttons next, occasionally licking and grinding them between her teeth which made Lucinda get closer to orgasm.

.......Not that Lucio wasn't trying his best to make her cum........

And speaking of Lucio, he was at his fastest now. He was hitting her spot multiple times, making Lucinda tremble and scream his name shamelessly.

Lucinda turned her head to press her lips against the blonde Count's and devour his lips hungrily as she whimpered from the pleasure spreading through her whole body.

Nadia had left many love bites similar to the previous ones on her chest and her hand was rubbing Lucinda's rose bud harshly, earning a high-pitched moan from her.

The room was echoing with the moans and groans of the three. Wet and vigorous slapping noises and intense sucking sounds were highly noticable. Both Lucio and Nadia weren't having any mercy on her and Lucinda was liking all of this.

Correction......Lucinda was loving all of this...........

Part 2 :

[dontjudgemebymykpoptrash]

Saw A.C.E in Chicago and Atlanta this week and had meet and greet packages for both stops (no I couldn't afford it, yes my bank account overdrafted whoops).

It was ammazingggg. LONG STORY AHEAD.

The question I asked was answered by Chan. Bless his heart he struggled so much to say my name and I was in the second row on the furthest side from him. I stood up and waved so he could see me. They asked how to pronounce my name and BK actually said it perfectly, I was so impressed!

The question that was chosen was "What hobby do you want to try that you haven't tried before". He said Cooking, cause he isn't good at it and Donghun won't eat his food.

When the item signing started, BK would interact with us a lot and the girls in front of us took the liberty of teaching him the phrase "Let's get this bread." His face when they explained that bread = money was priceless. Experiencing that magical moment will live with me forever since he has been saying it nonstop since then.

So since PLT I've decided my "thing" for each autograph I can get is making my dumb pun fans. Eventually I'll just have a wall of these dang things and I'm excited about it. I made one for each my friend and me. Here's mine.

The other thing I prepared for them I kept super secret because I very much wanted to see their reaction to it. I didn't post it publicly anywhere. In line with Choice teasingly referring to Junhee as a lizard much to the delight of the fandom and the rest of A.C.E while hysterically bugging Jun, I couldn't resist... I'd always wanted to give away cute things at concerts but since I'm also an asshole I used my exceptionally mediocre photoshop skills to make

These beauties.

I originally only had 150 to hand out and I was actually worried I wouldn't be able to get rid of them all. I thought people might think they're dumb and not want any. Then due to a print shop mistake I ended up with 650. Whoops.

Before the meet and greet they tell us explicitly we are not allowed to give them anything and if they catch us trying to sneak them something they'll escort us out. My plan to see their reaction was almost destroyed! But I was very graciously given permission to -show- them the card, not give it to them (don't worry. They each got two in their gift boxes).

A.C.E tends to always stand/sit in the same order, so just as I expected, Chan was up first. He understood the pun of my fan! He thought it was really cute and gave such a big reaction I was pleased. Then I showed him the card and it was even bigger. I told him it was Junhee and he full on kicked out a leg and hit the table as he laughed which made me happy. He shook my hand.

Up next was Donghun who was the most quiet. I showed him the card after he signed my fan and he asked who it was. I told him it was Jun and he laughed and probably judged me a lot but then he gave me a high five and interlaced our fingers for a moment so I didn't feel completely embarrassed. The person behind me was so excited they moved onto Donghun before Jun was ready for me so I was waiting in limbo for a few seconds.

Leader Jun in the middle, the reaction I wanted most. He signed my fan and then I put the card down for him to see. He asked who it was, he seemed surprised. I told him it was him and he laughed and tried to deny it. He asked what kind of lizard it was, I told him it was a giant day gecko because I think they're the cutest. I told him I made sure to give them some in their gift box, and that we would see him again in Atlanta. He shook my hand and then the person behind me got excited again lol.

Byeongkwan was next! This boy is an absolute doll okay? The first thing he said to me is that he liked my lipstick (it was green). He signed my fan, then I showed him the card and he was beyond stoked. He laughed so loud and even held it up to Jun pointing it out to everyone. I promised him he got two in his gift box. He asked if I made one of each member and I told him no, but promised him I would next year (me and my big mouth). He held my hand and interlaced fingers and was just so sweet until the person behind me encouraged me on again.

WOW. OKAY. So Sehyoon is my bias af I was VISIBLY SHAKING at this point and as I set my fan down it so obnoxiously tapped the table several times. He tapped his lips and pointed at mine and said "pretty". I thanked him and said it was green for "cactus". I'm not sure if he understood cause he just repeated "cactus" and cocked his head slightly before signing my fan. Then I showed him the card. He asked who it was and I said Jun. He laughed a little and then I told him he was my favorite. He had the quietest lil thank you, then took my hand in both his soft tiny bby hands and I think my brain melted cause I couldnt make eye contact anymore it was too much. Just thinking about it is making my heart hurt. (To be clear, I am in no way special, he held everyone's hand the same way).

After that, we did the pictures! I very shyly wanted to stand between BK and Wow. I didn't do anything special this time around cause the pose I wanted was done by two other people so I just asked for cute cheek pokies. They were having so much fun with people so that inspired my next photo request. As I was walking away from the photo BK told me again that he really liked my lipstick and I was over the moon.

I brought about half the cards with me to hand out hoping I wouldn't have extras and people LOVED THEM? I ran out and felt bad that I didn't bring more!

The concert was AWESOME!! They're so interactive with fans I had several moments with EACH of them, but my favorite is when Wow kicked up a heart and he saw me catch it all goofy instead of letting him hit the woah and he laughed and mimicked me. He also handed me two lollipops (I gave one to my friend) but I'm never gonna eat it.

For the hi touch Chan handed us our photo cards, and hi fived us. They were oddly out of order (chan, Donghun, BK, Wow, Jun). I managed to tell him and Donghun they did amazing, then BK told me AGAIN he still loved my lips. I was so excited I told him "it'll be BLUE next time" and he said "oh!" BUT BY DOING THAT MY DUMBASS MISSED THE CHANCE TO LOOK INTO WOW'S AND JUN'S EYES UGH I WAS SO UPSET AT MYSELF also I got yelled at by security (rightly so).

Next is Atlanta!

I started handing out cards earlier and got worried again cause there were quite a few people that weren't interested at all. Fortunately by the end of the show there were so many people wanting them I offered to do a reprint if necessary. Some people even said they were going through the hi touch holding it up which I LOVED.

Anyway, this time during the Meet and Greet I was in the front row directly in front Byeongkwan and Wow. I WAS NOT OKAY. I kept making eye contact and getting so shy ugh. Byeongkwan recognized me and tapped his lips and winked when he saw me (I was wearing blue lipstick this time). BK got my question (the interpreter said my name perfectly without me needing to tell her, I was so impressed!) I asked what concept they wanted to try that they hadn't tried yet. He said they had already done everything and I cocked my head giving him a disbelieving look. He then admitted that they hadn't done the cutesy boy concept and I lost it- I cant imagine them trying to pull that off.

For future Choice in my position- these boys have ears like BATS okay. There was one time Jun said something like "it's his choice." And I quietly said to the person next to me "no we're choice." And he looked at me and said "You're right! You're all choice!" I was shook.

Wow got asked what his favorite dessert to eat is and he said chocolate anything, then listed things "Chocolate cake. Chocolate ice cream. Chocolate rice." At this point everyone exclaims and he gets his silly lil smile and says "Chocolate fish." And everyone loses it. It was so funny and cute.

Later Jun was asked if he preferred pancakes or waffles and it was a really hard question for him. He said he had been eating more pancakes since coming to the US but he liked both a lot. He just didn't like Chocolate pancakes and I said "cause Wow eats them all?" And wow just very dreamily says "Choco pancakes...." I about died.

BK was asked if he wanted to go to the aquarium and he said he really hoped to. He asked if there were beluga and everyone said yes but I said "But they have WHALE SHARKS!" which imo is the coolest thing about the Georgia aquarium. None of them seemed to know exactly what I meant but they were excited by the concept of the words "whale" and "shark" together. (Spoiler alert: The next day they totally went and got pics with the whale shark).

Finally BK asked where people recommended they eat. Someone suggested sushi at first. I thought it was funny to recommend sushi when visiting the US. BK seemed of the same mindset so chicken and waffles came up and Jun loudly said WAFFLES! To which, Wow said in his same dreamy tone "chocolate waffles" and I looked at him and said "chocolate chicken?" embarrassing the HELL out of myself cause everyone was super grossed out by it and making a scene. I hid but my friend said Wow thought it was funny. I think she was trying to make me feel better.

So the item signing time comes up. My DUMB ASS forgot my album at home so the day before I had gone on a panicked shopping spree and decided on a pot for my cactus.

Chan was up first as usual. He recognized me and asked if I was in Chicago and I said yes! He asked what the pot was and I told him it was for my cactus plant. He was so adorable, while he was signing it he said quietly "grow well." So now it has to. This time he did not do a high five with me.

Next was Donghun. He looked so confused at my pot. I told him it was for my cactus and he just kinda nodded. It was very quiet because I had tried to learn a short phrase for him in korean but I got too nervous and I couldn't say it. I just thanked him. I'll have to keep practicing.

Jun was next and also asked me if I had been in Chicago and thanked me for coming again. I told him it was my last stop but I knew they would keep doing amazing. He asked about the pot and said it was so cute and signed super big. He shook my hand.

BK was next and he complimented my lips again. I asked him if he liked the green or blue better and he said both were good. He asked about the pot and signed it for me, he said it was cute and he liked it. He high fived me when it was time to move on.

WOW. AGAIN. okay so he asked about the pot and I said it was for my cactus and he mimed planting a cactus while looking up at me and I nodded while melting cause he is SO GODDAMN CUTE OKAY. Then while he was signing it I worked up my courage cause I had tried to learn a phrase for him as well BUT I MESSED UP I MESSED UP SO BAD IT WAS BAD OKAY. He was so confused and thank GOD the interpreter was right there and she asked "what are you trying to say" and she helped me say it. I was SO EMBARRASSED I had practiced so much and was saying it SO WELL up until that moment. Once I managed he smiled and said I did good then took my hand and said something which the interpreter translated for me and I just grabbed my heart with my free hand and then had to just cover my face I couldnt handle it. Walking away was hard but staying was harder.

Of course that just put me back in my seat directly in front of him.

Dont judge me, but I was trying to say, "You're so awesome it makes my heart hurt." And his response was "Then I'll prescribe you some medicine" and I KNOW its cheesy and overdone but I wanted that moment once for me so I took my chance. Anyway I looked like a damn fool but it was over.

The last dumb thing I did as the signing went on cause we kept making random eye contact and I got self conscious of always looking away. One of the times Wow and I met eyes I winked and shot finger guns and his eyebrows raised ever so slightly and I wanted to sink into the floor and die so I hid my face again. He looked so surprised like what WAS I THINKING WHY DID I DO THAT AAAAAAAA.

Anyway.

Here's my cute cheap pot!

Next was pictures. This time I had a plan. I asked them to pose ugly with me. They were surprised and asked for clarification twice, BK even asked me in english and I said "yes, ugly faces. If you can! If it's even possible." I wonder if it's the first time theyve ever been requested to do that. Anyway that's gonna be my thing too with the punny fan from now on. They did their best and it's absolutely adorable. Afterward BK walked up to me and wanted to see the pictures I took so I showed him. After he walked away it occured to me how fun and casual that was, that he just came over to look at pics together. I love this boy so much damb.

The atlanta show was amazing but the stage was so high up and far away there was no direct interaction possible. They made up for it with even more interaction! BK and Donghun each danced with me. I made a heart with my friend and Chan winked and laughed cause it looked like she begrudgingly made the heart with me when in reality she just couldnt hear me and couldnt tell what I was asking. Wow played a heart escalating game with me and he won so I made a dumb cute face and he laughed.

At hi touch I was determined not to miss Wow again. The order was the same except Donghun and Chan switched. I told them they did really amazing, a great show! Then BK said "Best lips!" To me and I got so excited but still didnt want to miss Wow, I loudly repeated "Best Lips!" While making eye contact and high fiving this poor man so hard, then for Jun I said "Don't forget!" And he was just so unprepared for me because I was unprepared for me but I WAS SO HYPED UP I LOST MY LAST BRAINCELL ITS STILL IN ATLANTA GUYS ITS GONE FOREVER.

So anyway that was a lot of unnecessary details about my specific adventures with A.C.E and I loved them so much and maybe one person will read this and smile but mostly I just want to try and remember as much detail as possible. I'll add things as I remember if I forgot something. Anyway dont be like me hahahaHAHAHA.

Also highkey if BK or one of the boys ends up with a bold lipstick color for a comeback or promotions in the next year or so I'm taking full credit.

[koffeehouse]

I'm in the same position as the girl who's never had contact with a guy and it has made me depressed. I don't feel pressured to be with somebody, I truly just want someone to show me affection and love and for me to give that back. It's been hell being surrounded by love and I just feel so alone. And I think that's what I'll be because i can't even attract a guy or get someone to look at me. It's biological for us to seek out each other and nobody finds me appealing. I feel so failed as a woman.

Part 2: I can't stand being around couples anymore or my friend who has a boyfriend because it just reminds me of how lonely I am. I have moments where I just lay awake at night and cry myself to sleep. I know I'm not one of those people who are content being alone or would be content to die alone. I honestly don't see the point of life If you don't have that deep intimate love to share with someone, (because friends move away, get their own lifes) I don't want to be 50 and come home to nothing

Ugh, I just want to honestly give all of you that feel this way the biggest hugs in the world, like seeing this broke my heart just a little bit? I know it can be so easy to want to do this but please do not ever base your worth or success as a woman off whether or not a man wants you or finds you appealing, sweetheart. I’d do whatever I needed to in order for y’all to believe this, but you guys are so much more than what guys think of you, how attractive you are, etc. etc. etc. You really and truly are. You guys aren’t failures of women because you don’t have someone, you guys are amazing women solely because you are women. Period. Nothing else to it. There’s nothing that makes or breaks or defines your womanhood, and you shouldn’t let anything do that. This is honestly just gonna be a ramble, which I hope you don’t mind, I’ve just got so many feelings about some of the things you’ve said that I wanna share with you in the hopes it makes you feel a little better and maybe helps you out in some way? First things first: love. I feel like a lot of us just look at love as solely romantic love, but that’s not the only kind of love out there. Platonic love can be just, if not more powerful than romantic love; I’m the kind of person who believes that our soulmate may not always come to us in the form of a romantic partner, because I’ve absolutely found my soulmate in one of my best friends. We’ve got the same type of deep, intimate connection you might see in any romantic relationship, but we’re just not romantically interested in one another, if that makes sense? Don’t limit yourself to finding love in just a romantic relationship - strengthen your friendships and familial connections, appreciate the love you feel from those. That’s where I have always felt the most loved, and the most connected with people. They sometimes show us more love and affection than any romantic partner we have because those are the people who have known us longest and who know us best. Loneliness is all how you perceive things, too, I think. None of us are ever truly lonely, if we think about it, we just classify ‘loneliness’ based on what we’re without in life at the moment. Just because friends move away and continue their own lives doesn’t mean they still can’t be a part of yours! I’m still friends with people from elementary school and high school who have all gone our separate ways, most of my friends don’t even live in the same state, same country as me. And those relationships are just as fulfilling as any relationship as any romantic one I’ve been in, if not more. And life, life is so much more than finding a forever love. It’s a goal that so many of us have, sure, and that’s fine, but there’s a meaning beyond that that encapsulates life. Life is about doing the things that fulfill you the most and make you the happiest. Life is about being yourself, being in the pursuit of happiness (in more than just the form of romance) and living. Live, okay? Live in spite of the fact you don’t have a boyfriend like your friends - singledom is something you don’t get back once you’re in love, and it can be just as enjoyable as being in that relationship. It’s not about the being alone, it’s not the loneliness, it’s about getting to discover who you are! It’s about learning to love yourself first and I will tattoo this on my damn forehead, I swear, but self-love is the most important love. Period. I had this conversation with someone last night, but I made the mistake of looking for myself within a relationship, and if I wasn’t in a relationship I was either indifferent or hated myself and it was such a huge mistake on my part. I’ve not been in a relationship for a while, and yeah, it sucks when you’re the odd man out out of all your friends who have boyfriends or who garner more attention from potential interests, but I probably love me more than anyone in that friend group loves themselves, and I’m happy. I’m content - not with being alone, but I’m just content with where I am and where the journey’s taking me. I know there’s a greater plan in play and it’s gonna take it’s time, but in the meantime, I get to become the best version of myself possible for that person who I’m gonna be in a romantic relationship with for, well, forever. They’re gonna get to know the best version of Emily, because I’ve been able to truly live the parts of my life I wanted to and do the things I’ve dreamed of (seriously, I cried when I got to mark things off my bucketlist this year because it’s my fucking bucketlist, y’know? I’m doing the stuff I’ve always wanted to do whether or not someone was there by my side) and just learn to be happy with my life the way it is. And when things come into it or when they leave, I learn to be happy with that. I control what I can, and what I can’t, I can’t and I grow to accept that. Like I said, I’d do whatever I could if it would convince y’all of this much: the biggest, most important lesson I have ever learned in my life is that romantic relationships are not everything. They are amazing and beautiful, yes, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting one or even needing one. But there is so much more to your lives than just romance. Don’t consume yourself with the hunt of finding someone right now, they will come to you. I promise. Sometimes it happens when we’re looking, and sometimes it doesn’t. Good things take time, yeah? Let this take time, because when it comes to romance, you want someone who is meant for you. Rushing for affection and attention and essentially a warm body can lead you down a wrong path, and all the best things in life are worth the wait. Someone’s gonna come your way, princess, I promise. I can’t tell you when that may be because I unfortunately don’t have all the answers, but there is someone out there for everyone and you will find that person when you least expect it. That is when romantic love strikes us. When we least expect it. Did I think I was gonna be in my current situation (which I’ll definitely be posting more about later on) at this point in my life, if ever? Nope. But I am. You can’t see love in that way coming, you just can’t. Listen to me, angel: take a deep breath, wipe away the tears if there are any, get out of bed, put on an outfit that makes you feel good and do something that is gonna make you happy. Please don’t wallow or worry about the future, live in the present! You can’t get it back. Don’t beat yourself up over this stuff, don’t let it plague you and put you into a depression. Like I tell the other anons, your life is beautiful with or without a romance in it and you deserve to be happy all the time, not just when you’re in love with a boy. Don’t waste it, okay?

Whew. Right now, I feel like I just gave such a big sister speech, and I probably did, but I love you guys so much and I just want you to know that you all are so fucking amazing no matter who does or doesn’t want to be with you.  

[still-not-recovering]

Don't bother reading this

It's 3 am and I can't sleep bc so much on my mind but like i dont know if I'm sad or just empty or just alone or what idfk I hardly talk about my feelings to anyone ever and nobody really cares or even knows about my Tumblr. So since my journal is currently in the glove box of my truck and I'm currently not going to walk all the way out there at 3 am to get it I'm just gonna let my feelings out here kinda. Not like I would privately in my journal but still. I just. Idk. I can't make everyone happy and I'm done trying to. My best friend hates my girlfriend and my girlfriend hates her back and that makes life so helpful because nobody can actually be honest with me about how they feel until after I start something new and then I'm torn not knowing which way to go and I'm sick of being put in shitty situations by everyone like why can't you all just fucking let me be and live MY life according to how I want to live it? Let me love who I wanna love and quit telling me who I am and am not going to spend the rest of my life with because if I fucking want to spend it with alayna I will and just because I had people in my life prior doesn't mean those people are entitled to me or can claim me no you had your chance to have me and you didn't take it that's on you not me because I tried and I'm sick of me being shoved aside til someone gets jealous they aren't getting all of my attention anymore. I'm not a fucking toy I'm not a puppet I'm a person with actual problems and feelings. I'm somebody's first choice now for once and people still gotta fucking pester me who cares if I can't see my girlfriend very often not me because I know when I lay my head down at night that she's laying hers down with me on her mind and that it's killing her to not talk just as much as it's killing me and that's the kind of love I want. Not someone who yells at me when I'm talking but yells more when I don't listen to their side of things not someone who gets so jealous to see me with someone that they take it out on me. I want someone who can't stand the idea of living on in a world that doesn't include me in theirs. I want someone who fucking lights up the second they see me. Someone who wants me and makes sure I know that and I'm never left second guessing myself. And that's what I got. You have to deal with a little crazy in the mix to get the perfect girl and I'm down for that. I've been through a lot and I've dated a lot of shitty girls who taught me a lot of lessons about what it means to be a good boyfriend and how to treat my lady right and what not to do and how to fix things when they're broken instead of throw them away I swear I'm not giving up on this one if she gives up on me oh well but I'm not gonna be the one to give up. I don't ever want to give my heart away again I'm tired of getting walked all over and hurt and I'm trying so hard for my baby even tho she wants me to tell her when she hurts my feelings I just can't I can't fight with her no I can't stand it when she's mad at me. We don't get to talk much no time to waste by fighting. My heart is full of love for her and I just hope people quit sticking their nose in my god damn business. Who cares how often I see her who cares how old she is who cares what her parents think were happy together get the fuck over it rs. I miss her tho can't wait til shits over with and we can talk again. Now I'm rambling lol back to my rant. It really upsets me that people can't just be happy that I'm happy and let it alone. Somebody always has something to say calling me a pedophile bc I just turned 19 and my girlfriend is almost 16 wow so pedo of me Sorry I happened to fall for her a little too soon before she can legally consent to acts we aren't even participating in oml smh people can't mind their own business I stg which is why I don't say much publicly ab my gf just fuckin pointless life is better when nobody else knows your shit and nobody on here gives a shit and I highly doubt that anyone is even going to read this it's so damn long which is good bc I don't need the world to read my thoughts. I'm almost done with my freshman year of college ish behind on credits but like I'm beyond stoked to just graduate and get the fuck out of Nebraska and get married and start a family and work my dream and come home to the same beautiful woman I'll call my wife someday. I'm over the drama I'm over the bs. I know that if me and my baby can get through what we're dealing with rn we can get through anything. It's just like if one of us was away for work or something it's okay. Just gotta take life day by day. I got a lot of work to do. Not gonna be eating as much anymore I got a lot of weight to get rid of I'm ashamed of my body it's so gross so if I eat a lot less and only enough food to get me by without getting sick then I'll lose 10-15 lbs in like two weeks. Less fat = more attractive and I'm getting fat ugh I've gained so much weight I've never been this heavy before and looking in the mirror has me ashamed I don't even like wearing tshirts because my stomach sticks out so much and I want surgery so bad so I don't have to wear my Stupid binder anymore but I have to be fit asf before surgery so that way I look good physically and so I don't get even more fat in recovery. Fuck I hate my body lol. It hates me back like for fucks sake I have a lump that my mom says is a cyst that hurts like a Bitch like yes let's just add to my physical issues like I don't have enough or suffer enough pain on a day to day basis like I cannot wait til the day I lay down in bed at night pain fucking free like holy shit I'm so ready to not be so hurt all the time. And to not be fat. I know my weight won't change my Looks but if my body is more attractive at least that's a start. I don't need killer abs I just don't want to be fat my mom will notice soon and make comments and I just can't ugh so yeah eating less for a bit so I can shed some weight and get down to like 130 or 140 lbs instead of this 160 shit. Lots of cardio coming my way, yay. Okay I'm rambling again. My head hurts. I'm gonna try to sleep now. Kinda feels good to let some shit off my shoulders.