#because THEMATICALLY IT MAKES SENSE!!!!! i cant say who now yet because i just decided it will be canon eventually BUT!!!!!

[sanchoyo]

sometimes i come on here to write 'au where my ocs-' type posts then i realize because they're my characters it doesnt have to be an au. it can be real. because it is my story and there are no rules except the ones I set for myself. the world is a beautiful place...

[bthump]

I still don’t understand the logic behind everyone urging guts to go on his own path and leave griffith after they rescued him, it annoys me to no end. It makes sense from a pushing-the-plot-forward standpoint but as in-universe logic i cant make sense of it. Casca saying if you want to be griffith’s friend and equal you should leave liiikkeee..….i dont think griffith gives a fuck about that anymore hes crippled!!???? The only explanation i could come up with is not so nice….and its that they dont care about making sense they just want guts out of the picture because it benefits them personally, like casca not having to share griffith with him anymore, and judeau maybe not having to see casca and guts together all the time? Idk it sounds mean so i dont want it to be that lol, but its like why is everyone acting like griffith lost all agency and doesnt get to have a say in who he wants in his life? why is everyone deciding for him knowing full well that's not what he would want? everyone knows how dependent his well being is on guts and yet….they dont care?

Just a heads up, it's my understanding that the term "cripple" or "crippled" is often considered dated and offensive these days when not being reclaimed, so it's probably better to say Griffith is disabled.

But anyway yeah I get what you're saying and I get why it can feel contrived. I've talked to other Berserk fans who have the same issue with these scenes.

But like I actually do think it makes sense both from a characterization perspective, and thematically.

Thematically everyone has to tell Guts to leave, because that's the consequence of the decision he made. And it does make sense imo because he did a very good job convincing Judeau and Casca that it's what's best for him and what he desperately wants and needs to do for himself and his own sense of worth etc. While they do theoretically have enough knowledge to realize that Guts doesn't need to strive to be Griffith's equal after he spent a year in a torture chamber because of Guts, it makes sense to me that that's not what they're thinking. They're not reading the story and picking up on the subtext, after all, they're just trusting what someone told them about his own goals without overanalysing it. Guts said he wants to pursue a dream the way Griffith did because he feels inadequate, and it makes sense to me that they take that at face value.

So to them it makes sense to think that Guts offering to stay and take care of Griffith isn't him realizing that the whole equality thing was bullshit, but him sacrificing his future potential glory because he feels like he owes Griffith.

Then on another level you do have those darker characterization notes that also, imo, make sense and help make it believable that Casca and Judeau would tell Guts to leave. Judeau has been trying to get Guts and Casca to hook up for a while now, he's personally invested in them having a relationship, and the two of them being in a relationship is contingent on them going off together without Griffith. We can deduce from a few clues that Judeu is invested in this because he doesn't feel good enough for Casca himself and he wants her to be happy, and he thinks Guts can make her happy.

So Judeau telling Guts to leave with Casca while he takes care of Griffith himself is basically Judeau making a sacrifice for Casca's sake, as well as thinking it's probably better for both Guts and Casca, based on what he knows about them. It's not better for Griffith, but his priority has never been Griffith, it's been Casca.

And Casca telling Guts to leave also fits their love triangle, and Casca's own jealousy and residual feelings for Griffith. Even if she could potentially put two and two together and realize that Guts genuinely wants to stay with Griffith, it makes sense to me that she wouldn't want to make that leap, because the three of them together spell jealousy, and if only two of them can be together without devolving into resentment, well, Griffith just demonstrated that he needs her the way she's always wanted him to need her, and Guts has his own dream to pursue, so this way she at least gets to have something she wants. And she can tell herself that Griffith will get over Guts, that Guts isn't good for Griffith anyway considering what happened, etc.

But yeah ultimately the reason they tell him to leave is because Guts made his bed and now he has to lie in it. So it is to drive the plot towards the Eclipse at the end of the day, but idk, it works for me. Both Casca and Judeau have their own priorities that aren't Griffith and Guts living happily ever after together, and those contribute to them telling Guts to leave, and setting off the Eclipse. I find it believable and interesting for the characters.

[doggerell]

ai/ganbreeder ramblings below

Ive been having sooooo much fun with ganbreeder. I am not a fan of that glistening prompt based ai-- I find it ugly in a mostly uninteresting way-- but ganbreeders splicing tool is SO so fascinating. I like that it tracks the history of what images are spliced together and scrolling up the branches just to see more and more completely ai generated images is Fascinating. its ai inbreeding.. its corrupting itself. its grip on reality is ever-slipping because its only feeding itself its own mangled fingers. I think its so interesting. ai is SO scary to me so using it as a tool for horror and uncanny valley specifically is like. the ideal circumstance to me...

reading an article abt art based on ganbreeder images... Ive been thinking abt using it as a tool in my own art, through like photobashing or redrawing stuff, as a collaboration between me and the machine, but the perspective that its also collaboration with the greater ganbreeder community, with other humans as well... like duh, of course. like even in a side of the tool where-- as far as I can tell-- no ones original drawings/artworks are being used (maybe original photos have been inputted Far up the line of command. I havent been able to tell yet.) yeah the collaborate element is very much there where it promotes combination and.. breeding images so much. I think touting it as discovering images rather than creating images makes a lot of sense too. I feel so much complexity around the language of generative images.. like I dont wanna say "generative art" really cause people jump at that and theres a lot of discussion around defining art that... sometimes feels very reductive around what people consider art. but I do understand the concern as well when used in regards to ai. saying "generative content" makes me want to shoot myself though I hate the word content. personally.

anyway all of this is coming about because. Show Me An Angel is very much about ai horror. its about my fear of generative ai and the recklessness I feel the average consumer uses with it. its about what if you tried to play god and the machine decided to give you Exactly what you wanted. but its horrifying. its about a machines horrible dreams of flesh and god and divinity. its about accidentally inviting something sick and powerful into your life.

but working with ganbreeder has made it more complex because. it is sick. in a scary way but also a piteous way. like maybe Starling is hideous and powerful and terrifying but. hes also jittering weakly. and his bones are so, so thin and his limbs are too long and he Really doesnt know what his face or hands should look like or how many eyes or fingers or wings he should have and hes constantly reforming himself to try and fit the image. of what you need. because ultimately you are still in control. he is your prompt, your beast, and he may be too big for you to comprehend anymore, but you are still telling him what he needs to be. and hes sick because hes a virus, hes corrupting your computer and your life and your mind, but hes also sick because hes inbred. and the bottleneck of the unreality of him is going to kill him because he Cant exist like this. not outside the machine, not in the real world.

anyway. I dont think Ive pushed ganbreeder enough now. Im thinking abt thematic metadata. I tried to push images tagged as "dragons" and "angels" and such together to generate him because thats what I had in mind as the backbones of his design but Im thinking more now. I could do it through the genes... if I put a gene for a scorpion in there does it mean more to who he is? if I add in electric guitars and cardigans? like its a cheeky little nod back to the fact that this is Frank behind the curtains. like you dont know that unless you go into the image On ganbreeder and start splicing it yourself but... aah. its just interesting to add Intentionality and imagry to this fucking thing and youre never gonna see it. but its there. its like painting something and then painting over it again. what does it mean that its layered under there? I love abstraction and performance and process as a part of art. and again, I hesitate to call the generation itself art, because obviously this is a complex and controversial issue that I dont have all the answers to or understanding of, but somewhere, some part of this may become art

Id love to post pictures of what Ive been playing with but Im afraid Im gonna get hit with a "oh youre acting all deep and for This? cringe" *pensive* perhaps. its very interesting to me tho. making stuff for Me.

also obviously I am very inspired with ink-the-artist's work in general and esp their ai stuff and this why Im even using ganbreeder in the first place. I think they may be my favorite artist rn. I also saw a really great gallery last year by Matthew Ritchie last year that kinda blew past my kneejerk "all ai is bad" reaction. I had bigtime emotional reactions to his work. I think training a personal GAN off my own photos and art would be fucking fascinating. but its a bit too scary for me still.

I feel like such a mess in all of this because I am too anti ai for the average tech bro by being deathly afraid of it and thinking there needs to be regulations on it but also I am too pro ai for the average tumblr/twitter user by thinking its supremely fascinating as a Tool to be used by artists. ah the nuances. pls be niceys to me.

[epiphany333]

Shingeki no Kyojin Ending

This was something...

I guess I’ll start with what I liked

1. Levi is alive, he could see his comrades one last time and is in company of Gabi and Falcon, he finally has people on his side who won’t leave him.

2. Armin looks good after the three years.

3. Eren showed the world to Armin, that’s beautiful.

4. Gabi and Falco reuniting and Gabi yeeting him.

And I think that’s it, I’m sorry but I can’t find anything else. I don’t want to hate, instead I’ll give my reasons for disliking the ending and how some of those issues could have been solved. I want to add that I’m not a shipper nor did I have an specific way I wanted the manga to end.

1. If the reveal is that Eren always still was the same person from part 1 and was just putting a front, it isn't character regression (which is a valid way to write a character) it is just a stagnant character who didn’t evolve and didn’t learn anything. It would have been better if we at least got to see this Eren’s inner conflicts and feelings from his pov all this time instead of creating a mistery about his motivations because the way it is now it’s just too jarring, seeing Eren act the opposite way to how he was 1-2 chapters before, and contradicting everything he say or though before that point. that's why people call it character assassination, his development is dropped and didnt exist in the first place and we didnt see anything about the real Eren under the facade. Eren is stagnant character, no character regression, no character development.

2. Eren’s feelings for mikasa came out of nowhere, there weren’t enough hints from Eren’s side, their bond could have been written to be stronger and more intimate, like show us Eren trusting and respecting mikasa, valuing her company, noticing some virtue of hers, remembering the moments he spent with her fondly, instead we got Eren ignoring her and calling her annoying, and being mad for depending on her. Nothing indicated he cared about her in a different manner for her than he did for Armin. People are defending this bringing up the same 4 eremika moments, the majority of which are so subtle they cant even be called subtext, or saying that it was obvious. Why? Because she was the lead female in love with the protagonist? If you have to rely on common tropes instead of an actual development of their relationship to prove that this was bound to happen then the writing of the pairing isn’t that good.

3. Why does romantic love solve a story founded on the themes of war, genocide, racial discrimination, opression and uprising, a philanthropic love for humanity being the answer would have been better thematically. 4. Eren didn’t have any coherent motive or goal because he was resigned to being a slave of fate, it could have been written and executed better. If you’re going down the route of Eren still being the same boy then develop him from his point of view so that the expectator can see it instead of revealing it at last moment for shock value, or you could go down another route, for example post timeskip Eren who tries to evade fate but can’t,  every action takes him closer to the outcome he wanted to evade, that would be a tragic hero slave of his own flaws.

5. Ymir being in love with her torturer being the foundation of all the story is disappointing and stupid, she needed to see a soap opera to let go after 2000 years. And why did she chose Mikasa and Eren? wasn’t there any other person in 2000 that went through the same character arc Mikasa did?  the scale of the things that had to happen for her to rest in peace is too disproportionated, it makes everything we went through just for her to look absurd, are you telling me this was worth eldians being historically oppresed and murdered and 80 percent of the population being killed just so a girl could move on? This makes all the great points of this story and the sacrifices to look pointless in retrospective.

5. Eldia is a glorified fascist state, Historia is a fascist monarch, her character isn’t relevant anymore, we never get to see her point of view so she looks like a genocide supporter.

6. The ending absolves Eren and condemns him at the same time, making him look pathetic yet as a hero who did what nobody else dared to do, he was treated as a one and forgiven by everybody.

7. They didn’t hold anbody accountable, nor Reiner, or Annie or Pieck, nobody. Remember how annie took pleasure on killing and said she didn’t regret anything? Well the other characters don't. At least Reiner and Pieck regret it, which doesn’t mean they should welcome with open arms, that’s not how humans work. We could have the rest of the cast resenting them, or being conflicted about still liking them without having to take revenge nor become friends with them, it would have given a better message this way.

8. The Lelouch ending doesn’t work because Eren is eldian. Lelouch was a britannia monarch, convincing everyone that Britannia was bad,and Zero, the face of the japanese revolution kills him, making everyone see the japanese as the good side. The world hated them for things their ancestors allegedly did, what will they think about eldians now that they lived through Eren’s destruction?His plan doesn’t make sense.

9. Eren didn’t have to be this cringy, we knew he was pathetic but damn, he killed so many people and is whining about Mikasa more than about the lives he took. We still could have had a breakdown, but it toning down so that it doesn’t seem jarring. Armin stated that it was Mikasa’s answer what decided the way Eren would act, and it doesn’t make sense? Eren must have known Mikasa loved him because he repeatedly has shown he can understand romantic love, but even if he didn’t, all that took for Eren to start the rumbling was Mikasa family-zoning him? This breaks his character apart, and looks melodramatic, because now she has to live with that knowledge and feel guilty for it.

10. Turning everyone back was a mistake, it cheepens their death because it was solved so fast. There’s a reason why a writing rule (that almost every writer ignores) is that if youre going to kill a character, you need a solid reason or use for them to come back to life.

11. It doesn’t seem like mikasa moved on. Her doing what had to be done and her moving on are different things, we don’t get a clue if Mikasa found herself and her worth outside of eren, the kind of living she made for herself from were we left, nothing.

12. They made my man Reiner so dirty in just a panel, acting like he was still a teenage soldier after all he went through. you would think that he would approach love in a different way after growing as a character, but no he’s just a simp, and a creepy one.

[flower-of-the-desert]

Thoughts on 2gether ep12

I knew last episode was a false sense of security and now there’s

(I love this gif so much, it works for all kinds of things that cause pain)

but seriously though, I am here for the drama like I loved how soft and fluffy it was so far but now gimme a little bit of angst for the climax please and thank you; but dont forget that happy ending ok? OK?????

I said last week and I’ll say it again, I really do love that Tine and Wat’s problems are coming from their own character flaws and issues and like yes, there’s Pam but she’s not... really the core of it you know? Like obviously the real problems here are Tine’s insecurities and overhinking and Sarawat’s not being very forthcoming with things he thinks will embarrass him in front of Tine which is kind of fascinating to me cause we saw the same thing last ep when Wat didnt want to admit the clip was for Tine at first because he was embarrassed/shy and now with the song I’m guessing it’s the same thing and/or it’s not ready yet and Wat doesnt want to tell Tine until he’s got it perfected

but it’s the combination of those two flaws of their that’s driving the drama right now - Pam being just the catalyst - and it’s all going to backfire spectacularly on Wat next episode

.... and I am here for it, this is character drama I can get behind

speaking of Pam, I wonder if that’s not another misunderstanding there when she said I love you? as in I love you romantically or I love you as a dear friend? And she also says she wants to go back to how things were before but before she wasnt dating Wat, they were just closer as friends than they are now

I hope that’s what they’re going for like she misses having Wat as a friend and wants to get their friendship back and not that she’s in love with him

I think it would work better thematically with Tine being insecure and seeing things through that lense rather than what they are in reality

but omg, my man Mil really pull through! I’m so happy he’s finally moving on from his feelings for Tine and by giving back the bracelet he’s basically telling Wat to not waste the chance he has to be with Tine now by not being careful

I read a comment after last episode that I really really liked saying that Mil doesnt really seem interested in Tine anymore but what he was doing in ep11 was mostly just to get on Wat’s nerves and trying to be friends with Tine at the very least (trying to explain himself about the attack because he didnt want Tine to be scared of him/to think he was that kind of a person) and I think this scene absolutely proves that and I love it

also the fact that he remembered that today was Phukong’s exam and sent him an encouraging message 💖💖💖

I love how Tine and Wat are walking with their hands around each other

and now we’re taking a shower together O_o

I’m not complaining

you know, I’m not getting any deeper into the kissing/sex debate because like I said last week, yes I agree that it makes sense for them to be touching more as in the show has set it up that they want to do it but this episode absolutely semented for me that the implications are there that they do do it off screen but we’re not gonna see that and usually I would be upset about it because 1) I am horny bird with a dirty dirty brain, 2) I loooooooove touchy-feely couples in general and 3) it makes sense for your couple to be physically intimate from a pure writing POV unless you’ve set up some reason for them not to be which is clearly not the case here

but... I dont know, with these two it just doesnt bother me as much as it normally would; I dont know why, maybe it’s that I adore how well developed their emotional intimacy is (and like you cant find THAT in most couples in TV either so that’s already a big plus) and that they’re clearly comfortable touching/being near each other/getting in each other’s space like a couple WOULD do, it’s the heavier stuff that is left off screen and that’s a writing choice they apparently decided to go with and well, it is what it is

the only complaint I have is that they really should have had a few more kisses, like not on FTTT’s level of making out like your life depends on it but at least little pecks here and there, I think that would have been perfect

ANYWAY, so those are my finale thoughts on that matter, MOVING ON phew

Tine’s so gone he’s smiling at a picture of Wat while being in the same room as him which is frankly #mood

Tine’s just like I do not vibe with this so I’m removing myself from the situation the moment Pam opened her mouth and he just TURNED THE FUCK AROUND AND WALKED AWAY

I thought Sarawat was the one to look out for when it comes to jealousy but Mr I’m gonna punish you all night long here is actually the real deal

Type and Man are EXACTLY that cat/dog meme and I’m living for it, this entire scene is just so funny and Type’s little “open it” at the end is just 🤣

I like how they’re building up Tine’s insecurities over Pam little by little by having Tine find similarities between them and then with the talk about first loves and letting us see how he comes to the conclusions he does so it makes sense how it all happens

holy shit I did not expect Man/Type to break my heart too but HERE WE ARE

that dinner scene was so hard to get through especially because what Man is going through realising he’s got nothing much to offer Type at the moment, financially speaking and that he’s still a first year and he’s got  a lot of things left to do for his own future and life and just... that hits hard

unpopular opinion but I actually like that Type left with the asshole boss because 1) that’s gonna make him realise that he does miss Man when he stops coming to him next ep and 2) like from Type’s POV it makes sense? he barely knows this kid that’s been chasing him non-spot and annoying him and yeah, sure he’s helpful and seems genuine in his feelings and Type clearly is starting to melt a little but but he also wants to not lose his job and offend his boss (he might be a total jackass but he’s still Type’s boss) so he’s got no choice but to prevent the situation from escalating

also I like to think that maybe part of why he decided to leave  was cause he was trying to protect Man by not letting him get in a fight with the guy

also did I say how much I am here for the drama next week when Man really does stop looking for him and Type realises oh shit I did NOT want that and yells at Man for disappearing on him after making him feel these things

which is basically like how Tine decided to go about confessing his feelings  not like a normal Braincell-filled person but accusing Wat of not taking responsibility for making Tine fantasize about kissing him and OMG these two really are brothers, arent they?

I really was hoping Wat would say Tine was his first love but THEN he proceeded to snatch my wig with saying that what he felt for Pam was nothing like what he felt for Tine that day at the concert and being so ridiculously OFFENDED when Tine said he and Pam were alike he was like wHAt?? you are like her??? PLEASE YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST PERSON I’VE EVER MET AND I LOVE YOU PLS NEVER LEAVE ME

AND THEN TINE BREAKS DOWN COMPLETELY AT THE END THINKING HE’S LOST WAT LIKE FULL ON SOBBING AND HITTING THE WALL AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DENIAL AND I AM NOT OK

WHO LET ME WATCH THAT

I NEED A HUG

TINE NEEDS A HUG

anyway, I am fine

next episode looks like it’s gonna be choked full of some of my favourite tropes and honestly I canNOT wait

but dont forget that happy ending though OK??????

[fipindustries]

here's my take on how to improve Ward's ending: there are only five titans, as that's probably the max you can have and keep them actually threatening, and instead of fortuna, the main titan is valkyrie. she fits much better as a new shard hub, and she's terrifyingly strong without being as hopelessly unbeatable as contessa. her titan powerup would be access to the full registry of dead parahumans, which is strong enough to be an 'oh shit' moment while still being theoretically surmoutable

problem is: after a certain point you have to re-tool so much of the story in order to keep inner thematic consistency to the point its no longer ward, or even a wildbow work. is like pulling on a thread, once you start to do that the whole thing comes down

to begin with it’s clear the endboss is supposed to be and feel utterly unsurmountable by all stretch of the imagination (why is a question for later). so to bring in a final boss that is actually theoretically surmountable just makes it a generic bad guy that is defeated by the heroes fighting really really hard. not a lot of opportunities to say anything new or interesting or in line with the themes of the story there.

i do agree that with five titans the idea gets across and to add more is just overkill and you hit a point of diminishing returns. after a while the threat no longer feels like its growing in proportion to the amount of titans, it just gets diluted. is something i complained in the past. after a certain point of threat escalation the only logical direction for the story to take is “and then we were all immediatly killed by how overpowered the enemy was, the end” and every second where that doesnt happen cheapens that actual threat that is being presented.

but anyway, why is the situation supposed to abe absolutely 100% hopeless? so that it feels like the suicide plan is the only valid option. we were pushed to the utter brink, hammered in again and again how there is absolutely no hope, no way out, no conciebable exit, again and again, how incredibly, inarguably hopeless and doomed the situation is that we would actually be primed to accept this plan as the only available solution.

after all this is what happened in worm. worm is brilliantly written so that you follow taylor along every step of her reasoning so that once we get to the point she goes full khepri and decides to commit the monstrous act of mindcontrolling everyone in the world and use them as tools to defeat scion we are right up there with her, everyone’s reaction is “well, fuck, i dont like it but it makes sense”

problem is, in ward, i think wildbow miscalculated, even after everything that the readers have seen, we were still not quite ready to buy into victorias plan. chances are no matter what wildbow did in order to make the plan feel appetizing, it wouldnt have worked. there is just no way to spin this in a persuasive light, call it a last ditch effort, call it a final fuck you to the entities, call it heroic sacrifice, it doesnt matter, what everyone saw here was mass suicide and genocide and that made everyone recoil. 

now, here comes the more prescient question. we have determined that the story was structured so that it would facilitate this plan, vicky’s final solution. WHY. Why does this plan HAS to happen? why does this have to occur in this way, what is wildbow trying to say? what is he trying to communicate by pulling off this at the very end?

truth is, i have no earthly idea, i really cant even begin to guess what is the final conclussion this story is trying to reach, because the story is not over yet. 

and who knows. maybe there is a way to thread the needle, maybe when it’s all said and done it will actually turn out to be a masterstroke where all the narrative threads, all the themes that we have been building up for over a year will culminate and transcend into something masterful.

either way i feel wildbow stumbled. instead of being swept away by the story, instead of being enraptured by the magic trick we just freaked out because we saw the guy saw a woman in half. and maybe we jumped the gun too early, maybe we should have waited until the magician opened the box and revealed that the woman was never actually hurt at all. but see if we see the magician sawing the woman in half, and blood starts coming out of the box and the woman starts to scream in agony well, we are going to stand up escandalized and ask the magician what the hell does he think he’s doing. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

m so glad they keep mentioning the paradise so they arent going to gloss ovdr that cause I still cant reconcile s12 with s13 Jack. S12jack as a fetus with the using powers on the doctor, Cas and Kelly making them hellbend on keeping his powers the paradise vision honestly to me fetusjack seemed to use his power with at least intention and awarness and this Jack doesnt look like this at all

I think we read Jack a bit differently back in season 12, because I was always ready to assume he wasn’t strictly in control of his powers, and they started this season by announcing that he and his powers were practically separate entities, which reconciled everything I felt about what he’d “done” in season 12.

The early meta about what Jack might represent in the same way people were guessing what the Darkness would be thematically and nailing it after season 10, made sense and ended up being what they have gone with, about him representing a chance for them all to confront some feelings about stuff through him, and for him to have a chance to have free will. Since he was going to be at least conflicted and they’d spin him being sympathetic at one point or another, it made sense that he wouldn’t really have known what he was doing. I thought it might be that he did it knowingly but had no understanding whatsoever of what he had *actually* done, and that it had all been a sort of basic level of self-awareness self-defence. But him feeling like his powers are another part of him entirely from his consciousness that only react when there’s practically a mutual self-interest decided by his emotions… Yeah, that works for me :P 

It means you can “blame” everything on him but that the actual part we care about (the soft nougat-y centre) isn’t what people think he is. He’ll have a choice if he brings the planet to its knees or raises it to its feet, or doesn’t do EITHER because it’s been 2 weeks and no one’s sat him down and explained to him that destiny is a made up concept by people who want to control you, in this universe.

I mean he could kind of guess from Asmodeus but he hasn’t had anyone be like, nope, that’s how it usually is around here. Haha, remember the time archangels spent millennia engineering the universe for armageddon and we were like screw you? good times, good times.

Anyway, the grey area is enormous on this show and they want Jack to live in it, and that means being very human - more human than any other supernatural anything we’ve ever had on the show. Fresh start, no clue who he is, and only a very blurry sense of anything that happened while he was not yet born. I think the fact he DOES have a sense of some of the things that happened - but he can only really remember Dagon dying and the rift from an abstract perspective means he doesn’t even remember everything he did in the womb. 

Also I think that in 12x20 I was on team “Dean’s right but he’s overreacting” and now like the whole argument in 13x03 was “Dean’s right but he’s overreacting completely” because it’s fairly obvious Sam has more than altruistic motivations to help Jack master his powers, but Dean’s missed the entire emotional nuance, and how Sam relates to Jack and how that would make him want to help him regardless but it just so happens Jack is ALSO useful to him… So I think that’s probably a safe reading :P That Dean has some sense of what happened but that he then takes it in the worst possible direction and gets incredibly upset about it, because he’s messed up and bad things keep happening to the people he loves. And he hasn’t managed to connect all the dots on what happened in season 12 either. It doesn’t mean Jack (or his powers anyway) didn’t DO all those things, just that the more detailed readings on why seem to be holding up under the exploration of Jack’s powers this year. Especially since 13x03 where Sam just asked him outright how it felt to use them and he could barely explain it or use them.

If we accept that Jack and his powers are different - that his powers are cosmic and unreliable and translating his emotions into effects which Jack had no say on - and that that self-defence extended as far as the power preserving itself with NO input from Jack as a cherry on the top to protecting him… I think you can basically characterise the powers as a separate entity, but one so intrinsic to Jack it’s not like it’d manifest as another thing - or if we did get a self vs self thing for Jack the powers would just look like Jack again. 

In 12x10 they helpfully explained in reaaally clear exposition that a nephilim is angel grace and human soul, and if those two parts aren’t mixed into one cohesive whole of a soul absolutely powered up and comfortably combined with angel power, but seeing it as a secondary thing to where the personality and self comes from, it creates a sort of instability, because I don’t think these two parts are MEANT to mix.

(It’s also killing me that this COULD be exposition on Cas, but as much as the writers constantly show their awareness of canon and throw back to everything, they’ve been completely silent on Metatron saying Cas had a soul, and Death saying souls couldn’t be destroyed, and now this - I am dying to know if Cas’s soul is doing okay in there and what will happen to Jack and if it will relate to Cas… I mean it’s killing me because the playbook on writing Cas post-human changed, and although they never ever say it, you could literally classify him as season 4-8 “soulless” and 9 onwards as “not soulless” and the read wouldn’t be wildly wrong about his personality, even if there’s seemingly nothing to say what happened to his soul from 9x09 onwards…) 

(*grinds teeth*)

I mean don’t get me wrong I love Jack, I’ve just been yelling at the screen for ages about this and it’s been like 4 years now, which is way too long for my patience, especially creating a character which basically serves to ridicule my concern about this with his stupid soul and his stupid angel grace :D

… kinda off point by now but yeah. This is how I’ve been reading it anyways and it seems to all fit together to me.