#because Riko was gonna hurt Andrew... we all know which one

[kevinsdsy]

I'll gladly elaborate, alright I'm gonna start off by getting the obvious out of the way. SPOILERS FOR TSC.

first off, they were both subjected to SA in some relation to the Ravens. We now know that Drake was sent by Riko, and my guess/assumption is that he did it to force Andrew's hand like how Grayson did for Jean to get his number.

Andrew threatens and has harmed others that touch him because of Drake. Jean does the same albeit it being on reflex. Both of them harmed themselves because of this trauma. They both refuse to elaborate on their feelings and thoughts, they have minimal and expressions and operate on a sort of "auto pilot" Andrew not AS much since he wasn't basically forced to be a machine, since he never joined them but while he was on meds he was a sort of manic which I think counts all things considered.

In terms of Neil, he's the only one for both (pre-Jeremy in Jean's case) where he didn't require them to speak for him to understand them. He was the first to respect their boundaries without questions and he may be Andrew's partner/soulmate but he was also, as Jean describes, Jean's misplaced forever partener/unkept promise.

I used mirror instead of parallel because these similarities aren't enough for me to say they tie to each other in the narrative but they do have meaningful (TO MEEEEEEEEE) similarities because of Perfect Court that I haven't seen people acknowledge 😭

WAITTT ALL OF THESE MAKE SO MUCH SENSE thank you for elaborating btw 🙏🏼🙏🏼 especially because u mentioned “jean does the same albeit it being on reflex” like i do think their reactions to both hurting others and themselves might be a bit different, but obviously it’s still a similarity.

NEIL to both andrew and jean is SO PERSONAL TO ME. like just in general neil’s relationship/dynamic with them makes me go absolutely insane

[aymmidumps]

hoooo alright, some additions to the atla AU:

1. bitch kid pissy about everything because he’s not the heir to the throne 2. said bitch kid getting his ass kicked, Avatar State style

[liveyourlastbreath]

Neil Josten’s adventures in Exy as an (unwilling) Amputee (PT4)

Welcome to book two things are only getting worse from here. Also sorry about this taking so long, I'm not gonna pull an a03 level excuse, this series is just hard to write as I have to write it as I read the book and ya girl has bad adhd

Sunday morning, Neil wakes up to pain shooting up his missing leg. A strange sensation of throbbing and burning racing around in bones that had long since rotten down to dust

Seth’s death is a blissful distraction, something Neil clings onto to push the pain down

Wymack tries to get the team together that afternoon, which ends in a flat out brawl between Matt and Andrew

Neil knows better than to stand against Andrew, but when the blonde's knives are out and aimed at Matt's eyes he steps in, hands out to the both of them but not touching

"Neil, Neil, Neil," Andrew grind. "Surely you're not this dumb?" It hurt to stand but the idea of loosing Matt at the start of the season was enough to keep him steady.

"Andrew." He wasn't ordering him around, threatening him, Neil was simply asking him to stop. And Andrew listened.

By Wednesday the pains had subsided and he was able to deal with the upperclassmens confused glances with a clear mind

"Last I checked Andrew doesn't like you.""He doesnt." And Nicky butts in, "we needed someone to match Kevin don't worry about it" and then gets told off by coach

Pratice starts happening and then when Wymack gets the phone call the conversation is as follows: "Andrew Joseph Minyard, what the flying fuck have you done this time?" "It wasn't me it was the one legged striker!"

Blatent Harrasment, actually just bullying

Life goes on as normal, honestly the beginning of the Raven King is a bunch of exposition we already know

Allison shows up for the game Friday, the line gets switched up, and Neil highly doubts it’s gonna end well. Especially with Andrew going a full game without his meds.

Also in case you’re wondering, Neil brings both legs to his games. He always has his black slip on so changing the bottom half of his gear out is pretty easy. If he ever has to change the slip, he’ll do that in the stall. He doesn’t ever play on his day leg, the blade runner is a lot more comfortable and is better to run with on the court.

When Neil asks Kevin for advice against the Terrapins, Kevin’s response is. “I want you dead on your foot by the time the buzzer rings.” Just little changes like that happen a lot because everyone in this story is in fact a dickwipe

Herrera, Neil’s mark for that game, keeps making comments about him and his leg. At one point Herrera “accidently” slams his racket into Neil’s leg and it sends vibrations all the way up his stump. Then Neil is given permission to destroy him and does just that.

Ya know that cool move he does and nearly gets killed in the process? Yeah imagine that, but he slips his blade runner in there at just the right angle to send Herrera flying into the wall. He doesn’t get carded. Instead lights the goal up red and a triumphant smile breaks across his face.

At half time Kevin is chewing Neil out, ya know, “Injuries are not joke-“ “Oh my god really? *looks down at his leg* woah crazy, would have never guessed that one.”

Once again the story goes on, Neil feels joy for the first time, gets a phone again and flashes back to the beach party gone horribly wrong, same as the cannon series

Also can we just stop and talk about the phone scene in the locker rooms? It has to be one of my favorites, not gonna lie. It's just so them ya know? Like just the dialogue, the subtle "do we need to" before diving into their game again. AGH I love it soso much

"your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay. This is not news to you. But from now until May you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive."

The USC game happens, and THEN DUN DUN DUNNN the Fall Banquet is here!!what!!a!!fun!!time!!

It's at moments like these Neil is thankful for his missing leg. Riko last saw him with two functioning appendages, and on top of the hair dye, contacts, and time apart, he could almost find hope in the fact Riko wouldn't recognize him

As the teams are sat across from each other, get talking, and this conversation happens:

Andrew: I'm Andrew. We haven't met yet."

Jean: For that I am grateful. The Foxes as a whole are an embarrassment to Class I Exy, but your existence is unforgivable. A goalkeeper who doesn't care if he is scored on has no right to touch a racquet. You and Josten both should stay on the sidelines like the publicity stunts you are."

Renee: That's a bit out of line, don't you think?

Raven 1: If someone like that replaced you in goal, you must be downright terrible. I can't wait to watch one of your matches. I think it will be entertaining. We would make a drinking game of it but we don't want to die of alcohol posioning.

Dan: Yeah, that'd be a shame

Renee: This is the first time our teams have met, do we have to start off so poorly?

Raven 1: Why not? You're poor at everything else you do. Even down to picking players like the cripple over there. Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?

Renee: I imagine we have more fun than you do, yes."

Jean: Fun is for children-(has a moment of crisis upon looking at renee) A this level it is supposed to be about skill, and your team is sadly lacking. From an unstable goalkeeper to a lame striker with a bum leg to a couple members with deadly drug addictions. You have no right to play with us.

Allison: Fucking excuse me?

Matt: No one wants you here, you can leave any time.

Raven 2: You took something that does not belong to you. You brought this year's humiliation on yourselves.

Dan: We didn't take anything, Kevin wants to be here.

AND THEN, Riko: Is that why the cripple is so quiet? Or did his vocal chords go missing too? He was very spirited the last time we met, or maybe that was just a show for the crowd? Hello, I am speaking to you. Are you really going to ignore me? Hey, deadweight, over here.

THE HOLY MOTHER WYMACK OF ALL LINES Riko: What a coward, just like his mother.

INDEED THE GREATEST LINE IN ALL OF WRITTEN HISTORY (WITH A BIT MORE SASS ADDED)

You know, I get it. Being raised as a superstar must be really really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, nor a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Seriously, is 'cripple' the only insult you know? Maybe next time be a bit more creative, it really shows what little vocabulary you have. Try looking it up in a dictionary maybe, hm? Find it right between the words 'jackass' and 'dickwipe'. But don't feel bad, there are a lot of people who didn't pass the bar exam and they still get somewhere in like, all be it through charity alone. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.

aND THHEN our little tin foil ball of a sass master is outed as the Butcher's Son to Kevin, Kevin's face doing all kinds of complex emotions as he examines Neil

Also I love the little things like Neil staring only at Andrew because he doesn't trust himself to look at anyone else

Neil's freaking out, ready to grab his blade runner and book it. But he doesn't really regret most of what he's said, because here's the thing

Every single person up until this point has gone out of their way to call him a 'cripple', to write him off as someone who can't do anything anymore just because he's lost his leg

Nobody, except for the Foxes, believes he's anything more than an amputee. Up until this point he has been torn to shreds because of something he had absolutely no control over. Yeah, okay, it was stupid to put himself in the limelight as someone on the run, but it had nothing to do with being an amputee.

Neil Josten may be an idiot, but going off on Riko was completely justified, something many of the foxes later agree on. And if the Foxes start snapping at anyone, reporter or another team, who singles Neil out for his leg, that's something they just don't talk about

Neil Josten is so much more than a lost leg. Anyone really is more than a lost limb or physical limitations. That's the whole point of this AU and the message I really want to get across.

To the people reading this who may be in the same situation as Neil, you are so, so much more than your physical limitation. This AU is for you, someone who may have been bullied or targeted just because you're "not like everyone else". I see you, and I believe in you.

SORRY AHEM—I just wanted to ramble there for a second because I felt like that was something that needed to be said

So YEAH, Neil doesn't regret what he said, and goes forth after dinner is done, the Foxes have a team bonding moment over protecting the two exy-holics and their blonde bodyguard

Neil gets dragged away to go get screamed at by a little baby bird

Neil: My name is Neil

Riko: Do not lie to me again. You will not enjoy the consequences. Imagine my surprise when the results came back. Your fingerprints, Kathy gave me your glass as a souvenir. All it took was a smile and a kiss. It seems she is growing up to be quite the cougar. Nathanial, explain a few things to me. One, Jean says Kevin did not know who you are. After seeing Kevin's reaction I am inclined to believe him. Perhaps I can understand, as I know how blind Kevin can be when it comes to Exy. I might even forgive him for sheltering you from me. But you must know who you are, so I am very, very curious to know what you think you are doing.

Neil: I'm just trying to get by. If I'd known our families were business partners I wouldn't have signed the contract.

Riko: You're lying

Neil: I am not. I don't want to cause any trouble for your family. I don't want you to cause any trouble for mine. I'm just here for a year and then I'm gone, I promise.

Riko: You don't want to cause any trouble for my family? You have already cost my family a sizable fortune and eight years of trouble.

Neil: How? The money I took was my father's.

Riko: If you think acting stupid will save you, you are sadly mistaken.

Neil: I'm not acting, my mother said it was my father's money. She never even told me about you. If I had known the money was your's—

Riko: Nothing your father owned was his! I refuse to believe she never told you. All that time running and you never asked why?

Neil: Have you met my father? I didn't have to ask.

Riko: You were not running from your father, Nathaniel, you were running from his master. Which brings me to my second question, what happened to your leg?

Neil: Take a wild fucking guess

Riko: (beat) You do realize why don't you?

Neil: Because he's insane?

Riko: You're an even bigger fool than I thought. Running from the master and the money he took, there could have been one thing that paid them off. You, Nathaniel, and yet he chose to take your leg. Your father cost my family a fortune and cut off any way of paying it back.

Neil's head is spinning by the time Matt shows up. He barely remembers the rest of the night, his mind too consumed by Riko's words and the implications of who his father really was.

He takes his leg off on the bus, digging his knuckles into the knotted flesh of his father's work, thinking. He had always known his father was a monster, and this just really put it into perspective.

A text shakes Neil out of his half-asleep state, hand still digging into his knee. A single text is on the screen, from Andrew.

"Shocking, just how many issues such a small body can have."

Neil glares at the back of the bus. "Could say the same thing about you." And that's the end of it

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR || PART FIVE COMING SOON!

[shouldigoondrphil]

The Foxes best and worst qualities

Preface this with saying that I adore all the characters for their best and worst qualities. They’re so real to me because they all have sucky things about their personalities and also things that are amazing. Ya know like an actual person. A good amount of the “bad qualities” are products of the environment they are in but yea here we go

Neil

Best: smart(dude knows like 3 languages), unashamed, respectful of boundaries, chaotic in the best way, the Riko roast(it’s legendary ok), attitude problem

Worst: idiot, no impulse control, trust issues, daddy issues, repressed sexuality issues, dudes got a lot of issues, selfish(listen guys, he willingly stayed at palmetto knowing he could be putting his teammates at risk), maytr(pretty much directly contradicts last point but we love that ig), attitude problem

Andrew

Best: loyal, trustworthy, this is a dude you want in your corner, observant, smart as hell, killer poker face, short demon, beefy, protective, having gone though all he’s gone through but still having the capacity to let people in, the fact that hes a shortie that grown men fear, actually trying to work through his trauma

Worst: turns to violence first, also has a lot of issues but we’re gonna leave those off these lists now, cold to people( just bc it’s justified doesn’t mean it’s a good quality), Justifies his actions as a means to an ends and doesn’t matter who is hurt because of them(I get it but that’s not a good thing)

Nicky

Best: goofball, super friendly, supportive, he literally threw away his life in Germany to be there for his cousins, has so much room in his heart to love

Worst: lowkey a pervert (the Neil kiss cmon man), pretty suggestible(doesn’t have much of a spine)

Matt

Best: god I love this man, the way he treats Neil even when they first met(their friendship gives me such joy man), lion on the outside but a koala on the inside, mans is soft until you mess with his family, a cinnamon roll(I love him),

Worst: maybe a little gullible, I don’t have much bad about him seriously

Alison

Best: a bad bych, so strong( Ik all the foxes are but she gave up her inheritance to play Exy and get out of the box her parents where trying to shove her in), doesn’t take crap from anyone, blunt

Worst: too nosy, insensitive, rude

Dan

Best: my idol (her backstory just wow), doesn’t let the things people say get her down, loyal to a fault, natural leader,

Worst: overprotective, can be overbearing at times, pushy, quick to assume things about people

Renee

Best: the most honest one, has a dark side, her serenity but also capacity to be a badáss, selfless, Joan of Exy

Worst: the scene where she practically sits on Andrew to keep him from getting up during Kathy’s show(I understand why she had to restrain Andrew but I don’t like knowing that Andrew must have felt extremely trapped in that moment in a way he hadn’t fit a long time), lil too peaceful for my chaotic taste

A A Ron

Best: umm he has Andrew’s face next question, ok ok, honestly probably the most normal one out of them all(which sounds weird)(like he has the most realistic reactions as a person outside of the story would have), the way he is around Katelyn(boy is whipped), loyalty of his brother(didn’t think twice before smashing Dr*ke’s head in), the potential chaos he and Neil could create

Worst: homophobic(I don’t see an excuse for this, I get that you grew up with Luther as a role model but your cousin and brother are both gay why do you have a problem with it), hates Neil( I get why I’d probably hate him too in his positions but it’s the principle of the thing. We love Neil even tho he’s an ass period)

Kevin

Best: unapologetic a-hole(literally spends his days telling everyone how much they suck), a mood honestly, strong, persevering(teaches himself how to use his other hand),

Worst: coward(he was guys), self serving and selfish, the Jean abandonment not cool kev

[captainshorter]

Im gonna sort the All for the Game characters into Hogwarts Houses.

Starting with Neil Josten, definitely a Slytherin. Y'all can say everything about him but we all know he's cunning and ambitious as fuck. He also notice a lot of surroundings and noticed in a short period of time that Andrew picked him up instead of Aaron and that Andrew was off his prescribed drugs. He also at first doesn't really care about the foxes, when he wa son the run the only thing he really cared about was his Mom and saving their own life. He also has a real drive to accomplish his goals and he likes to control a situation. Also when he started to care about the foxes he would get hurt for them, and i think that a lot of people forget that Slytherins are actually really loyal and would literally kill for people and get hurt to protect them.

Next is Kevin Day. Okay so imma just say this Kevin is definitely not a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff. I was debating between Ravenclaw and Slytherin but eventually Ravenclaw won. I think Day is a Ravenclaw because it's said multiple times in the book that Kevin plays exy with a strategy, he knows exactly what play works depending on which team he plays against, he's not like Neil who's depending on sheer strength and determination.

Aaron Minyard. This fucker was hard but i decided to put him in Ravenclaw too, i feel like he's a smart guy and who's really intelligent and all. (he was hard sorry guys😂✌️)

Nicky Hemmick (my baby). Okay it was a little debate between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff but i decided on Hufflepuff (there is no yellow:(() . Nicky is generally a happy and cheerful person, he's also sensitive and cares a lot about people. He always up to help the foxes and cousins. He is also really flirty and kind which makes people like him more.

Danielle 'Dan' Wilds. Gryffindor, definitely. She's a great leader (which is usually a trait for a Slytherin but gryffindors too), she motivates her team in a positive way. She's really passionate and tries to include her whole team from the beginning (even when the monsters didnt want to join she tried, that's mentioned right?)

Matthew Boyd. He is too a Gryffindor. Let just start with that Gryffindors are loyal as fuck and that Matt offered to intervene if Neil needs someone to kick Kevin's ass, knowing the risk that Andrew would kick his ass for it.

Renee Walker. It was a debate between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, both would fit for her but i think Ravenclaw. She's a relaxed person. The foxes go to her for advice. She's also really hardworking and a stabilizing factor for Andrew. She's generally respected by all of the team and no one argues with what she says. She literally changed the way she lived and that shows her dedication for things she really want. She usually sees the good in people, but knows when people aren't.

Allison Reynolds is a Slytherin. She literally takes pride in how she looks and isn't ashamed to throw around her money. She, too, is extremely loyal towards the people who are the closests to her. She is determined about exy and didnt want to quit even when the consequences were that her family cut her off. She has a haughty attitude, she acts likes she better than all the people around her.

Seth Gordon. He too is a slytherin, he has a bad attitude and openly shows his dislike towards his team. But i think if he were alive longer than he was, that we could have really found out what kind of Slytherin he was. I like to imagine, he would have started to care about the others too and that he too was really determined about beating the Raven's in the end. I do think that he would have been really protective about Neil, despite all his lies. And that he would start planning to murder Riko (together with Renee and Andrew) because he hurt Neil.

Andrew Minyard. Some of you are really gonna disagree with me on this but Andrew is a Slytherin. A big ass Slytherin. He protects what's his with everything he has, no matter what happens to himself or others, and like i mentioned with Neil, people underestimate how loyal Slytherins are. He's very determined to keep his promises and never breaks one, which makes him a reliable person, which most Slytherins are. He has a strict set of personal values and is determined to uphold that. Also shown with his mother's staged death, he is really resourceful, usually a teenager wouldn't be able to get away with it. He holds his life in no regards which is a little different than what most Slytherins do (but im a Slytherin and also dont hold my life in such a high regards or have a lot of pride). So with all of his other's trait i feel lile slytherin is the best house for him.

David 'coach' Wymack. Gryffindor (but kinda ravenclaw too) . I dont know exactly why i think this, but i think because he puts up a 'tough guy' act and responds to the foxes with a lot of sarcasm and threats even when he genuinely cares about them. He also respects all of the foxes with their secrets and doesn't force any answers out of them. He's seen as an idealistic because of his idea to give 'problemetic' kids a second chance. He also goes beyond his way to ensure his teams safety. He's really protective of them and overall just an amazing coach/person.

So this was it i dont have more but this is what i think:))

[nekojitachan]

Hmm, slowly working on Casts a Shadow ch8 while trying not to be distracted by the MDZS fic (so many ideas!). Trying to decide to post the next CAS chapter or upload the Raven!Andrew soulmate fic this weekend.

Either way, here’s a sneak peek at ch2 of CAS. Warning for the Nest, and dealing with sexual harassment in a... removing parts way.

*******

“You are such a speedy little demon; we should put a bell on you so we can at least keep track of you on the court,” Kari complained while she tousled Nathaniel’s hair. He grimaced at the affectionate gesture but allowed it since the offensive dealer was one of Natalie’s friends.

“You’re gonna give your mark fits once you’re an official Raven.” Octavia frowned as she handed over her apple. “We need to bulk you up some more by then.”

“He just burns it off,” Natalie said as she gave Nathaniel a slight nudge in the side. “This one seems built for running. Maybe he should be a striker or a dealer.”

“I like running,” Nathaniel mumbled after he swallowed a bite of apple; it was crisp and tart, just how he liked them. “And I do fine as a backliner.” He certainly had no problem blocking Riko and Kevin.

The three young women agreed and commented that lack of size didn’t equate to lack of toughness; Octavia and Kari were two of the newer Ravens, both sophomores, and among the few women on the team.

The Ravens – or at least some of them – had stopped being so standoffish with Nathaniel and Natalie in the last few weeks. Part of it had been them noticing the split (such as it was) between the two of them and Riko and Kevin (the ‘heirs’ of Exy), and part of it had been when John, an asshole freshman striker, had heard about Natalie’s sixteenth birthday and thought it a great idea to ask her if she was now ‘ready for some fun’.

Natalie had immediately pulled a knife on him and asked if he was ‘ready to live life as a eunuch’, while Nathaniel told her to leave him his balls and go for his dick instead.

For some reason, that had endeared the handful of women Ravens to them, and earned them the respect of some of the men. It also meant that Nathaniel had to put up with people messing with his hair and teasing him about his height (more the lack of it), about them being ‘asked’ to fetch drinks, snacks or other items during their downtime… but no one tried to hurt them.

(Other than Tetsuji when they messed up drills or practice, or Riko with his tricks out on court, but that didn’t count.)

Nathaniel supposed he could put up with becoming the Ravens’ ‘unofficial’ mascot when it made Natalie smile and got him extra fruit.

After lunch, everyone returned to their rooms or one of the common areas to study during the short time before the final practice of the day; Nathaniel and Natalie usually went to her room to do their homework together. They passed Riko and Kevin in the hallway since their rooms were nearby, and of course Riko couldn’t resist getting a taunt in while passing.

“Ooh, what class is it today? Reading for dummies?” He laughed at the pathetic joke while Kevin gave them an apologetic look; long used to the asshole’s antagonistic behavior, Nathaniel and his sister simply ignored him (which they knew would affect him the most).

For once, Riko left the insults at that, which was a surprise; he enjoyed taunting Natalie over the fact that, despite her being sixteen, she wasn’t that far past Riko and Kevin in academics since she’d dropped out of school after joining the Bloodhounds. She’d done an incredible job catching up while living in Baltimore, but Tetsuji’s intense training regime didn’t leave her much opportunity to study ahead so there was talk of holding her back at least a year, probably two, which would grant her more time to work on her Exy skills.

(Perhaps it was selfish of him, but Nathaniel wouldn’t complain about having Natalie around the Nest longer.)

They didn’t say anything until they were in Natalie’s room. “He’s been a bit odd lately,” she said as she fetched her laptop.

(There was no question about who ‘he’ was.)

“He’s an asshole,” Nathaniel muttered as he dug through his bag for his own laptop. “What’s odd about that?”

“It’s just….” Her brows drew together as she stared at the device’s blank screen then shook her head as she powered it on. “He was so angry when he found out about us swearing to Ichirou, but the last few days he’s been less antagonistic.” At Nathaniel’s dubious look, she rolled her eyes. “For an asshole.”

“Maybe he’s plotting something,” Nathaniel suggested as he logged on to his online classes. “Maybe he thinks he’s figured out something so much better than messing with our beds in that little asshole snake brain of his.”

Natalie smiled as she bumped into his left shoulder. “Tell me how you really feel about him.”

Like he needed an excuse. “He’s an asshole snake of a bastard who-“

His sister cut him off by smacking him lightly over the head with a pillow. “I think I get it!” When he batted the pillow aside and glared, Natalie grinned and pointed at his laptop. “Show some of that creativity for the essay you have to write for English.”

“School sucks almost as much as Riko,” he grumbled as he clicked on the mentioned assignment. “Hey, I’ll do your math if you-“

“No,” Natalie said, smile gone as she focused on her own lesson plan. “You need to learn more than math, Ram.”

“Why, when we’ll be playing Exy and doing stuff for Ichirou.” He narrowed his eyes when he spotted his latest reading assignment. “We gonna debate Pride and Prejudice while slitting some guy’s throat?”

“Perhaps,” she mused while she typed something. “You never know what triggers some people. Might be the thought of figuring out a calculus problem or they’ll lose a finger, or hearing the breakdown of War and Peace’s plot.”

Nathaniel gave his sister an intent look for several seconds. “You’re terrifying, you know.”

Natalie’s special smile returned, the one which she mostly reserved for him, the one that brought out the dimple in her right cheek. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He resumed lying down next to her and forced himself to start on the detested essay. “Hey, why do people hate math so much?” he asked after a few minutes.

“Hmm, not sure, maybe because it doesn’t come to them as easily as it does you. Just like how you pick up languages.” She flashed the special smile again. “But not essay writing.”

“That’s for you to do.”

She hummed in pleasure and stroked a hand over his hair in agreement.

They studied for the rest of the hour (Natalie corrected his essay once he had it written, and he checked her math – they still covered each other like that), then they got ready for the last practice of the day.

There had been some uncomfortable stares from the Ravens when Nathaniel had first changed with them, as they took in the knife and burn scars on his chest and back, but now they no longer paid attention to them. Instead, they teased each other about who would score the most points or rack up the most blocks, then took turns rubbing Nathaniel’s head on the way out to court.

“Why?” he demanded to know as he fended off Gerry’s hand.

“For good luck of course!” the older backliner declared with a laugh, while his partner, Liam, nodded in agreement.

“Your fault for being a redhead, Nat,” Omar called out while he tugged on his gloves. “And so adorable. You should-oof.” He stumbled as Riko ‘accidentally’ swung his helmet at the junior striker while he stormed out of the locker room, a quiet Kevin ever his shadow.

“Spoiled little brat,” Omar muttered as he rubbed his ribs, a sentiment that was echoed by a few other Ravens; Nathaniel wisely kept his opinion to himself (even if it was much the same). He might badmouth Riko to his sister all the time, but they were still Moriyama property even if they now answered to Ichirou and not Tetsuji.

Tetsuji had Nathaniel, Natalie, Kevin and Riko work on drills while the official Ravens warmed up, then scrimmage together for a while. Nathaniel enjoyed the matches because even if Riko was an asshole who always used excessive force against him (which Tetsuji ignored), he was a talented asshole, along with Kevin (who wasn’t as much an asshole as Riko’s toady).

When it was time for them to stop and join in with the Ravens, Tetsuji ordered Nathaniel and Natalie to go back to working on drills; Riko smirked at them as he and Kevin left to join the older players. Nathaniel opened his mouth to complain about being deprived of scrimmage time, except Matsumoto offered to call out drills for them.

Tetsuji nodded in approval while Nakamori and Akagi fell in step behind the ‘Master’; normally, Nathaniel was uneasy around older men (especially ones his father’s age), but Matsumoto was in his early sixties, possessed a quiet voice and kept his hands to himself.

He was also very pragmatic and while he might be one of Tetsuji’s assistant coaches, he realized that ‘the Master’ and his grand Castle Evermore only existed with the main branch’s blessing. That meant he often passed along useful bits of information to Nathaniel and his sister.

They spent half an hour going through the eight Ravens drills (which they’d perfected) in the random order Matsumoto called out, knocking down cones again and again. It was while Nathaniel was setting up the cones yet again that he caught Matsumoto leaning toward Natalie and whispering something in her ear.

He had to wait until after dinner to find out what it was; Natalie joined him in his room. “It seems that someone owes a debt to Kengo, and the only way he can pay it back is to offer up his son, who plays Exy very well,” she explained in French.

For a moment, Nathaniel felt an intense wave of anger at the thought of another kid being sold to the Moriyamas, of having a father like his, before he shoved the thoughts aside. He jumped a little when Natalie gave a gentle touch to his left cheek (scrubbed clean for the night of the stupid ‘3’ which Riko insisted he bear). “I think it’s why Riko’s been acting up lately. Matsumoto said that he overheard Tetsuji telling Riko that you’re getting a partner, so he probably knows about the kid’s background.”

Nathaniel huffed as he rubbed his sore ribs, the ones which Riko had smacked with his racquet earlier in the day. “Knowing the asshole snake, he’s probably expecting a new ‘toy’ to play with.” One his big brother wouldn’t snatch away this time.

“Perhaps.” Natalie didn’t appear pleased with the thought, but there wasn’t much they could do about Riko’s personality worsening by the month. “Come, time to practice.”

“Slave driver,” Nathaniel groaned even as he climbed off his bed and slipped free the knife he kept sheathed on his left ankle at all times; he figured the sooner he suffered through their nightly fighting practice, the sooner he could sleep.

More like pass out on his bed, by the time they were done.

Jean Moreau arrived two days later, a young Frenchman around Kevin’s and Riko’s age, with black hair, grey eyes, and a massive attitude problem. He glared down his nose (of course he was taller than Nathaniel) at everyone but the adults while Tetsuji introduced him to the rest of the ‘Perfect Court’ (as Riko had dubbed the four of them). “Nathaniel, Jean will be your partner. He’s a backliner, too.”

“Understood, sir,” Nathaniel said with a slight bow.

“You’ll teach him everything he needs to know.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you’ll be-“

“I don’t want to be here!” Jean complained in French as he tugged on the front of his new uniform, which bore the number ‘4’. “All of you can go to hell, I refuse to-ow!” His pale grey eyes grew wide as he stumbled forward beneath the force of the blow to his back from Tetsuji’s cane.

“You’ll speak English,” Tetsuji reprimanded while Riko smirked and Kevin stared off into the distance as if he wasn’t participating in the whole ‘here’s a new possession’ thing.

“I’ll speak whatever I wa-ow!” That time, Jean was knocked to his knees, where he was hit several times before Tetsuji relented; Nathaniel was disgusted to notice the gleam of pleasure in Riko’s dark eyes over the abuse.

[nekucreates]

So, this is gonna be a long rambling post about the Foxes being in SK8, so sit back and enjoy my wacky ideas because this AU won’t leave me alone, it’s too intriguing! As a fan of both series! So enjoy my thoughts!

Like with exy, there are teams (Ravens, Foxes and whatnot) but perhaps this AU will be about how the Foxes even became a skating team! Like at first they’re all in their own little groups (Andrew’s, Dan’s, Neil being alone at first because some of his actual backstory can be in this AU). And like Neil (and perhaps Renee BECAUSE HELL YES) become the glue that gets everyone to form into the Foxes. Perhaps Riko’s team have pissed all of them off separately, so out of spite they banded together to become the Foxes and compete in skateboarding tournaments to grind the Ravens into dust.

Also, I like gang AUs so the skateboarding groups are kinda gangs too on the streets fighting for territory. And of course the Ravens cause problems on purpose, like they don’t just fight by skating, but with actual violence too.

Neil skateboarded as a hobby on the run (so he’s obsessed with that in place of exy), so his backstory mostly stays the same. He goes to a park and does a few tricks only for Kevin to spot him, who immediately sees his potential and wants him to join his team (Andrew, Kevin, Aaron). That’s where the story and conflict starts (because yo, Andrew doesn’t trust Neil and the way he looks at Kevin in obvious recognition—and of course Andrew keeps quiet until he can confront Neil in his own ways). I’ll let you imagine how all that plays out, but eventually Neil does join their little group/gang/team.

Andrew doesn’t skate as good as he can on purpose, and Kevin has seen him at his best, but Andrew of course loves fucking with Kevin. Eventually Andrew actually shows what he can actually do with skating to Neil in private, when the two grow close enough. Andrew teaches Neil complex tricks, as Neil has never skated in tournaments while on the run, and he learns fast (but doesn’t surpass Andrew, as the two have different strengths with skating).

Along the way, Neil befriends Dan’s group, though the group kinda don’t like Kevin’s (for obvious reasons which I’m sure you can imagine because dramaaaa, they have a bit of a bitter rivalry in tournaments). Then the Ravens mess shit up, and somehow Neil and Renee get the two groups to form a truce, and the Foxes are born! But still with inner conflict and drama. They just hate Riko far more than each other. (It’s likely that the Ravens seriously injured Seth, who is in Dan’s group, so that inspires them to seek revenge and form the alliance).

Maybe no one knows that Neil and Andrew regularly skate together late at night alone (when not practising together with the rest of the Foxes) so when Neil admits it, EVERYONE IS SHOOK. Andrew?! Willingly skating with someone and teaching them tricks?! What the heck?! As an extra fun detail, Andrew and Renee have always been friends even while their groups loathed each other, and it was common knowledge they sometimes went off together to skate, but not as often as like every. Single. Night. Neil doesn’t seem to understand the shock. And the implications that duhhhh, Andrew is into him! Like Andrew would either teach a friend tricks (Renee), or someone he’s into. Neil completely misses that because we stan an oblivious king. Andrew won’t even skate with Kevin at his full potential! Still, only Renee knows that Andrew is head over heels for Neil and won’t admit it out loud, not even to her. Thinks he doesn’t deserve it or can have it because yay angst and drama wooooo.

By then Andrew trusts and likes Neil enough that when Neil asks him to, Andrew actually tries more and actually has fun beating a few Ravens in some tournaments. In the final tournament (which, like in SK8, is done on a dangerous track with multiple skaters, and the aim is to reach the finish line), Neil, Andrew, and Kevin are up against Riko and two of his Ravens. Ravens always sabotage on the track, so Neil and Andrew hang back and turn their own tactics against them, making sure those Ravens are taken out of the race. They catch up to Kevin and Riko (Neil and Andrew are pretty fast when there’s no one around to sabotage them), and Kevin actually crosses the finish line in first place, no longer in Riko’s shadow. Riko freaks and tries to hurt him, but Andrew uses his skateboard to stop him. So Riko turns on Neil, but again Andrew intervenes easily.

The Ravens are disgraced, and the Foxes prove that they’re superior. Renee gives a great speech about the Foxes valuing fun over violence, completely ignoring the contradiction (*ahem* Andrew).

I’ll let you imagine the rest!

Extra side notes:

-Aaron teaches his secret (not so secret) girlfriend how to skateboard, and it’s about as adorable as it sounds. Neil witnesses this by accident, and shrugs off Aaron’s threats, and at least promises not to tell anyone about his soft side. Neil even gives good advice to them for beginners, and that causes Aaron to be less of a jerk to him.

-Neil has cig burns on him (either from his past or a run in with Lola), and this actually causes Andrew to go through the process of quitting smoking. And in turn, Neil follows his example. They switch to gum and lollipops instead. (More or less smoking makes me personally uncomfortable and while I understand that it’s a symbol in the books, the keys are a better symbol, and smoking is stinkyyyy, we stan quitting bad addictions here!)

If you made it this far then hello! Feel free to use my ideas if you wish! Just tell me when you do or if you have your own I WOULD LOVE TO SEE! I definitely want to make my own art on this!

[sunriseabram-death]

AAAAAA HOW DOES SHE FEEL ABT/REACT TO ALL THOSE EVENTS (edens, kathy, seth)

natasha seeing neil all bandaged after he comes back from the ravens: alright whats all this then

neil: i went to the nest (*NOT CLICKBAIT*)

KSHSJFJF do they tell e/o about getting countdowns or is nat also like "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess ill die" like neil did and just. vibes for 40 days

nat sang 2 him 👁️👁️??? did she do that when they were little 🥺......

NEIL IS NOT! HAVINF A GOOD TIME i love how everyone collectively is like "yes neil must suffer more" truly brings us all together. i cant even imagine how painful itd be 4 nat 2 see neil being hurt :[ was she hurt too.. OMF SHE MUSTVE BEEN TAKEN BEFORE HIM RIGHT this is horrible this is the worst i wanna go home!!!!!

uncle stuart seeing them both in the basement covered in blood: alright whats all this then

WHAT IF ONE OF THEM WAS SHOT BY ACCIDENT.... nat unharmed mostly (or not) then gots shot in the chaos.. ohhhhhh my god. oh mt gof.?!?? STUART THINKING SHES MARY FOR A SECONDM TOO.......?!! pain all around :)))))

what was the moriyamas plan for natasha? was she ever involved in any of that exy mess :0 or was she solely nathan's protégé/business.. or FIRST BRANCH STUFF? if ichirou's around the same age i can imagine nat getting promised to him. 2 Butchers to work with? and one binded by marriage which would strengthen the ties between families? i do see it

this is so ajdjsjdkjf but alternate version where they both are in that role.... the Butcher of Baltimore and the Butcher of (other place)? murder siblings. i am Looking

BALTIMORE REUNION<3

(after nat and andrew tied in their 10 min staring contest) nat: okay he can go with u to interrogation . hes earned it

neil, sarcastically: thanks, Mom. wait . fuck

andrew: too soon?

nat: i changed my mind. wheres my glock

the government agent: (is not getting paid enough for this)

her reaction is literally “why do you like these people” 😭 when she finds out about edens tho...the monsters quite literally owe neil their lives for not letting her go down there

LMAOO “what’s all this then” 🙏🏼😭 she’s like “if it weren’t for the fact that you’re injured I would KILL YOU”

nat never got a countdown 😐 like she never got a newer phone so she couldn’t receive text messages. it was literally a complete surprise.

yeah she did that when they were little 😭 neil’s room shared a closer vent to the basement so he heard a lot of screaming 😔 he’d go to her room and she’d try and sing him to sleep

iconic of all us to go “let’s play jenga but with this kids trauma <3” she was hurt 😞 and yeah they took her before him 😩 extra leverage against neil so he didn’t try and run

UNCLE STUART <3 his rage levels are higher than the fucking Empire State Building.

SHE DID GET SHOT!!! she did!!! she tried to cover neil because she’s like “alright these people’s aim fucking SUCKS” and then she gets shot in the torso :/ immediately curses stuart out so that REALLY made him think she was mary 😭

she wasn’t as exy driven as neil but she did enjoy playing it? like canonically part of the reason neil played exy as a little kid was cause it made his mom smile so I think nat had the same reasoning. I always hc that neil was gonna be the next butcher so nat would’ve been his Lola (without the...other stuff lola did with nathan 💀). her being arranged to marry Ichirou ....maybe that’s why he was so lenient to neil being a little shit 😭

murder siblings......I see it 😳. we know thanks to riko that the moriyamas are sexist so neil would probably be the face of the operation while nat would be doing the dirty work 👀 they’d probably want to stay together so now we get TWO Wesninski’s running Baltimore

PLSSSSS 😭 they’re all so hilariously awkward and rude I love them

[youknow-igetit]

A playlist for our favorite mafia sports gays. songs and the meanings below the cut

1. sex - EDEN

‘Cause you said it meant nothing And I should’ve kept my silence But I guess I’m too attached to my own pride to let you know That all these words meant nothing And I’ve always been this heartless And we’re just having sex, no, I would never call it love But love Oh no, I think I’m catching feelings And I don’t know if this is empathy I feel

“This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.” “There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.” “And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.” Andrew stared stone-faced back at him.

2. Be Kind (with Halsey) - Marshmello, Halsey

I know you need, I know you need The upper hand even when we aren’t fighting ‘Cause in the past, you had to prepare every time, yeah Don’t wanna leave, don’t wanna leave But if you’re gonna fight then do it for me I know you’re built to love, but broken now, so just try I know you’re chokin’ on your fears Already told you, I’m right here I will stay by your side every night I don’t know why you hide from the one And close your eyes to the one Mess up and lie to the one that you love When you know you can cry to the one Always confide in the one You can be kind to the one that you love

“No one’s said a word to them since they said we couldn’t see you.“ Nathaniel’s heart skipped a beat. The heat that gnawed at his chest was an ugly mix of gratitude and shame. He tried to speak but had to clear his throat before trying again. “But why? I’ve done nothing but lie to them. I willingly put them all in danger so I could play a little longer. They got hurt last night because of me. Why would they protect me now?” “You are a Fox,” Andrew said, like it was that simple, and maybe it was. Nathaniel dropped his eyes and worked his jaw, fighting for a center he was quickly losing hold of.

3. I Think I’m OKAY (with YUNGBLUD & Travis Barker) - Machine Gun Kelly

I guess it’s just my life and I can take it if I wanna But I cannot hide in hills of California Because these hills have eyes, and I got paranoia I hurt myself sometimes, is that too scary for you? Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night Catch me, I’m the one on the run away from the headlights No sleep, up all week wasting time with people I don’t like I think that something’s fucking wrong with me

“Trust you.” Andrew enunciated each word like he’d never heard them before. He laughed curled his fingers tight around Neil’s chin. “You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I’ll trust you with his life?” “Then don’t trust ‘Neil’,” Neil said. “Trust me.” “Oh, but who are you? Do you have a name?” “If you need one, call me Abram.” “Should I believe that?” “I’m named after my father,” Neil said. “Abram is my middle name; it’s the name my mother used when she was trying to protect me from his work.” It was the name he went by at his little league practices so the coach would actually let him play. It was strange hearing it aloud when no one had called Neil “Abram” in eight years. “Ask Kevin if you don’t believe me. He would know.” “Maybe I will.” Neil waited, but Andrew didn’t let go. With so many people watching them Neil couldn’t lift his shirt. He did the next best thing and dragged one of Andrew’s hands under the hem. He pressed Andrew’s palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen. Andrew’s eyes dropped to Neil’s shirt like he could see Neil’s marred skin through the dark cotton. “Do you understand?” Neil asked. “Nothing Riko does will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back.” Andrew’s fingers twitched against Neil’s skin. “Someone lied to me. These ouches feel a little rough for a child on the run.”

4. Lover of Mine - 5 Seconds of Summer

Lead to where your secrets are Where we’ve been a thousand times Swallow every single lie Take all of me

When I take a look at my life And all of my crimes You’re the only thing that I think I got I right I’ll never give you away

“It’s always been ‘go’,” Neil said. He turned his hand palm-up and traced a key into his skin with his fingertip. He’d toyed with Andrew’s house key so many times he knew every dip and ridge by heart. “It’s always been ‘lie’ and ‘hide’ and ‘disappear’. I’ve never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. But Coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. You gave me a key and called it home.” Neil clenched his hand, imagining the bite of metal against his palm, and lifted his gaze to Andrew’s face. “I haven’t had a home since my parents died.”

5. Vowels (and the Importance of Being Me) - HUNNY

I was a queen last night I said “Take to the water” And let you drink my lies Like, “Okay, you’re right” You can’t spell pain or kiss Or run away or little mistake Without me, or A, E, I, O, U

“I’ll always have and be nothing.“ Andrew reached up and forcibly uncurled Neil’s fingers from his mouth. He pushed Neil’s hand out of the way and stared Neil down with nothing between them. Neil didn’t understand the look on his face. There was no censure over Neil’s crooked parents or pity for their deaths, no triumph over having backed Neil into admitting so much, and no obvious skepticism for such an outlandish story. Whatever this look was, it was dark and intense enough to swallow Neil whole.

6. BLUE - Troye Sivan

I can’t say no Though the lights are on There’s nobody home Swore I’d never lose control Then I fell in love with a heart that beats so slow I want you I’ll color me blue Anything it takes to make you stay Only seeing myself When I’m looking up at you

Nathaniel watched until the hotel disappeared out the window, then looked to Andrew and asked in German, “Can I really be Neil again?” “I told Neil to stay,” Andrew said. “Leave Nathaniel buried in Baltimore with his father.” Nathaniel looked out the window again and wondered if that was possible. He knew in a sense he could never really leave Nathaniel behind. Even if Stuart could talk the Moriyamas down, they’d all know Nathan’s child was alive and kicking. Nathaniel would always be a security risk to them. But the thought was thrilling and chilling in turns, and Nathaniel turned his hand over to consider his palm. He traced Andrew’s key into his skin with a bandaged finger. “Neil Abram Josten,” Neil murmured, and it felt like waking up from a bad dream.

7. Some Kind of Disaster - All Time Low

I wore the crown, I sold the lie I lived the life and paid for every crime, yeah It’s all downhill 'til it’s a climb Through blood and tears, but I don’t mind I’ll just keep singing on and on and on And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want 'Cause I’m a liar, I’m a cynic I’m a sinner, I’m a saint I’m a loser, I’m a critic I’m the ghost of my mistakes And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want So what are you after? Some kind of disaster

Andrew pressed two fingers to the underside of Nathaniel’s chin to turn his head. Nathaniel let himself be guided and said nothing while Andrew looked his fill. When Andrew dropped his hand and clenched it in Nathaniel’s hoodie, Nathaniel risked looking back at him. There was violence in Andrew’s eyes, but at least he hadn’t shoved Nathaniel away yet. That had to count for something. "I’m sorry,” Nathaniel said. Andrew’s fist went back, but he didn’t take the swing. Nathaniel knew it wasn’t because that was the hand cuffed to Wymack; Andrew’s arm actually shook with the effort it took to not knock Nathaniel’s head off his neck. Nathaniel said nothing to tip the balance either way. At length Andrew uncurled his fingers and let his hand hang limp from the cuff. “Say it again and I will kill you,” he said.

8. The Space Between A Rock and a Hard Place - 5 Seconds of Summer

Faded, I’m wrapped in your arms While you’re waiting to tear me apart With a last kiss, you leave me wanting more You, you’re a catch 22 Win or lose, I’m screwed I’m trapped under your spell It saves me, breaks me 'til I fall back to you You’re a catch 22

“You are a Fox. You are always going to be nothing.” Andrew stubbed his cigarette out. “I hate you.” “Nine percent of the time you don’t.” “Nine percent of the time I don’t want to kill you. I always hate you.” “Every time you say that I believe you a little less.” “No one asked you.” With that, Andrew caught Neil’s face in his hands and leaned in. Nicky’s drugged assault aside, Neil hadn’t kissed anyone in four years. The last girl was a scrawny French-Canadian who’d held him with just her fingertips and kissed like she was afraid of smudging her tacky-bright lipstick. Neil couldn’t remember her name or face anymore. He remembered only how unsatisfying the illicit encounter had been and how furious his mother was when she found them. That awkward peck wasn’t worth the punishment that had followed. This was nothing like that. Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil’s mouth. Neil’s heart stuttered to a stop at the first hard press of lips against his and he reached up without thinking. His hand made it as far as Andrew’s jaw before he remembered Andrew didn’t like to be touched. Neil caught hold of Andrew’s coat sleeve instead and knotted his fingers in the heavy wool. The touch was a trigger. Andrew leaned back just enough to say, “Tell me no.” Neil’s lips were sore; his skin was buzzing. He felt winded, like he’d survived a half-marathon. He felt strong, like he could run another five more. Panic threatened to tear his stomach to shreds. Common sense said to refuse this and retreat before they both did something they’d regret. But Renee said Andrew regretted nothing, and Neil wouldn’t live long enough for it to matter. He hadn’t figured out which way to lean before Andrew pried Neil’s hand off his coat.

9. Medication - YUNGBLUD

You cannot pretend there’s no dirt on your shirt 'Cause that’s not how it works, that’s not how it works You try to perceive that you’re so squeaky clean But that’s not how it works, that’s not that’s not how it works

“I’m not going to apologize for thinking you’re being idiotic.” “Is your spine the spine of the righteous?” Andrew wondered. “Are you trying your best to step on my toes because you’re feeling the tragic weight of the holier than thou?”

10. Take Yourself Home - Troye Sivan

Talk to me There’s nothing that can’t be fixed with some honesty And how it got this dark is just beyond to me If anyone can hear me switch the lights I’m tired of the city Scream if you’re with me If I’m gonna die, let’s die somewhere pretty

“Don’t dismiss me for lying to you then ignore me when I tell the truth.” “This is not truth,” Andrew said. “Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths. You cannot judge a problem with your obsession goggles on and call it truth. You aren’t fooling either of us.”

11. Trouble Is - All Time Low

All that I know is I just can’t say no to you Funny how things never change All that I wanted was just to get over you Trouble is I can’t find a way You’re part of me

Andrew bit the question into the corner of Neil’s jaw. “Yes or no?” “It’s always yes with you,” Neil said. “Except when it’s no,” Andrew said. Neil put a plastic-wrapped finger to Andrew’s chin, guiding his head up for another kiss. “If you have to keep asking because—I’ll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes.” “Don’t ‘always’ me.” “Don’t ask for the truth if you’re just going to dilute it.”

12. Safety Pin - 5 Seconds of Summer

No more waiting, we can save us from falling This time, maybe this time We’ll safety-pin the pieces of our broken hearts back together Patching up all the holes until we both feel much better Deleted things, I really meant So now I’ll say the things I never sent

Neil remembered too well what it was like to say goodbye. He remembered what it was like saying hello again. A hint of Friday’s panic and outrage flickered in his chest, hot enough to burn the air from his lungs. He didn’t know what this thing between them was anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted or needed it to be. He just knew he had to hold on for as long as he could. “You are a mess,” Andrew said against Neil’s lips. “What else is new?”

13. My My My! - Troye Sivan

Spark up, buzz cut I’ve got my tongue between your teeth Go slow, no, no, go fast You like it just as much as me Now, let’s stop running from love Running from love Let’s stop, my baby Let’s stop running from us Running from us Let’s stop, my baby Oh my, my, my! I die every night with you Oh my, my, my! Living for your every move

Time was nothing. Seconds were days, were years, were the breaths that caught between their mouths and the bite of Neil’s fingernails against his palms, the scrape of teeth against his lower lip and the warm slide of a tongue against his. He could feel Andrew’s heartbeat thrumming against his wrists, a staccato rhythm that echoed in Neil’s veins. How a man who viewed the world with such studied disconnect could kiss like this, Neil didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to complain. Neil had forgotten what it was like to be touched without malicious intent. He’d forgotten what body heat felt like. Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking Neil apart. Neil finally understood why his mother thought this was so dangerous. This was distraction and indiscretion, avoidance and denial. It was letting his guard down, letting someone in, and taking comfort in something he shouldn’t have and couldn’t keep. Right now, Neil needed it too much to care.

[meanminyxrd]

believe but its ab a redheaded runaway

alright so today i’m tackling ‘believe’ by hollywood undead. i think the vibes can fit both andrew and neil, but moreso neil in this connotation. as always, book spoilers ahead. i’ve been forgetting to put that lately.

let’s start w the chorus and opening of the song:

I can't believe that when I breathe

There's something good inside of me, just one good thing inside

So close to me, that memory

Of that one good thing inside of me, just one good thing inside of me, yeah

neil is, inherently, a selfish person before he gets attached to the foxes. think ab it: he cares only for his survival and nothing more, nothing less. that takes a certain type of apathy towards other people, which was taught to him by his mother. stay disconnected, stay safe. care for no one but yourself. when he starts seeing that the foxes care for him, and he’s just... playing them, essentially—lying to them about who he is and where he’s come from—he acknowledges that they’re never going to forgive him for ditching them later on in the year; specifically andrew, because he promised andrew he would stay. he feels like a bad person but it’s what he has to do to live. he wants to stay and play exy and be able to focus on something other than survival for once, but he knows it’s all just a play in his head. in the end its about his survival.

If I ran out the backdoor, nobody would stop me, but where would I go?

'Cause I ain't ever had a real home, so what do I know?

So I could keep running, hide until they find me, but what would that do?

If they could only know what I knew, what would it prove?

I should've seen the writing on the wall, instead I'm left to fall

'Cause the longer I'm away, the more we stay the same

Looking back, would've thought I knew it all

Instead I'm left to fall, did I throw it all away?

neil is a runaway. it’s how he’s managed to survive this long; running away and keeping on the move to avoiding his father’s men tracking him down. never leaving a trail, never staying anywhere for too long and never making any connections. when he leaves, there’s no one there to stop him both physically and metaphorically. no connections means he isn’t held back emotionally or by someone forcing him to stay. he’s never really had a home, being on the run his whole life. its all about survival, but neil signs the contract to palmetto, right? he knows he could keep running to stay safe but really, what would that do? is that really living? he wants to open up to people im sure, but what would that prove to them? in his mind it would just show that he was a bad person—dangerous. keeping kevin around is one thing; kevin is an exy star. he’s worth it. but neil? neil is nothing. why would they risk their life for a nobody?

saying he should have seen the writing on the wall alludes to all the hints that his father’s men left that they were closing in on him, however he ignored it just to be able to stay a little longer—play a little longer. instead he ignored it and fell. looking back on it he thought he had a handle on it and would be able to get away or at the very least accept his death, but it actually hurts. he got attached without realizing. and now he’s wondering if any of it was worth it. is this worth losing his life for? or, did he do enough w his time with the foxes and with andrew? or did he throw away that time for nothing?

Don't you know, little boy, they'll lay you to waste, man?

Little do they know every song has a lifespan

Never taken one, but I'm taking my last chance

To hold all we know and let go with both hands

So don't you know the clouds are made from concrete?

Right through the stone, can you hear my heartbeat?

Beats through my bones like the memory left me

Not for a second or a minute when I dream

I wanna go home like the home that I keep

You can dig six or sixty-six feet

‘don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man?’ his father’s men want him dead and he knows that. they’re who he’s been outrunning his entire life (and i suppose the yakuza but he didn’t know that.) he knows attention is being drawn towards him by being in the public eye, so this is like he’s mocking himself, because he knows he’s taking a very big unnecessary risk. he’s never taken a chance in his life before because its always been about survival. but this time he is taking a chance. he’s taking a chance by joining the palmetto state foxes. but by taking this chance it is metaphorically the last chance he’ll ever take, because at this point he’s 99% sure he’s gonna end up dead by the end of it all. ‘dont you know the clouds are made of concrete?’ referencing that the only way out for him is by death. whether by someone else’s hand or his own. the only way this whole catastrophe is going to end in him being ‘at peace’ or ‘in heaven’ ie the clouds, is if he’s killed. digging 6 or 66 feet down implies ‘6 feet under’, again a death metaphor.

We could live forever, still your misery missed me

Hold this song together with a bottle of whiskey

Look into the mirror at the lines that time drew

See them painted white and the eyes that shine through

My heart beats heavy in an open chest

And I wanna say goodbye, but there's nobody left

he could have gone to his dad and flipped everything on his mom instead, or run off to live with his uncle, but the anger that his father had missed neil. yes, neil had his father’s temper, but his father was tainted with misery that neil didn’t get and he didn’t want any part in the crime scene of things. ‘look into the mirror at the lines that time drew, see them painted white and teh eyes that shine through.’ this part to me is in the mirror after the nest, when neil is first really seeing his scars, ‘the lines that time drew’ would reference like old age lines stereotypically, but in neil’s case i see it a reference to his scars because that’s what marks time for him—his scars. the scars that his dad and his dad’s men left. the scars that riko left. the scars he has just from living. the ‘eyes that shine through’ is because neil no longer has his contacts. when wymack gets him from the airport he has nothing of his disguise left. and god, is he tired of running. his heart is so heavy. he wants to be able to say goodbye to someone when he dies, but there’s no one left. his mom is dead and he has no connections other than, now, the foxes. but being in this mindset of its him vs everyone, he’s alone. he cant say goodbye to anyone but himself.

I broke it all, and I put it to the test

Put your hand on mine, and feel this emptiness

There's no beat in my chest 'cause there's nothing left

No, it ain't goodbye, it's a last caress

What's another dream? You can hardly sleep

Can you believe bad things only happen to me?

God knows one day you will finally see

That scars will heal but were meant to bleed

neil, by making these decisions, broke every self imposed rule he had for himself to stay safe. he broke the rules his mother had set in place prior to her death, and he tested the limits. he chanced trusting, if just a little. he chanced making a connection. specifically, with andrew. so this part is really andreil heavy for me. let me explain why.

this part is almost like the locker room scene when his father’s men were being security guards and he knew he no longer stood any chance. he says goodbye to andrew in that moment, and this last part is a big goodbye message to me.

he’s empty. he’s out of fight. he cant fight or he would risk the foxes lives too. there’s nothing left inside of him. he says thank you to andrew as a goodbye, but it’s not a goodbye, no, it’s a last touch, one last joy to share even if it’s small. ‘whats another dream? you can hardly sleep.’ what’s the loss of something you lose all the time? what’s the loss of something that doesnt matter? neil doesnt think he matters to andrew, and so what will his loss mean, if anything? why would andrew care? the ‘can you believe bad things only happen to me?’ is a mocking quote if anything; bad things have followed neil around his whole life, and though statistically its not true only bad things happen to him, it sure feels like he’s got the worst of it. and even in the off chance that andrew does miss him, the emotional scars will heal, even if it does hurt. because neil doesnt think he matters as much to andrew as he really does.

Do you realize I would lie for you?

Please, have my last breath, I would die for you

I know I'm no good, but my heart beats true

You know I'm gonna fight, though I might be scared to lose

You took me in, and I fucked it up again

An empty promise? No, I won't pretend

'Cause in the end we need someone to solve 'em

Nobody can fix me if I'm part of the problem

he would give everything to protect the foxes. he cares about them more than he’d like to admit. he may seem distant, but do they realize how far he’s willing to go to ensure their safety? first he went to the nest to protect them, right? now he’s literally going off to his death to keep them safe. he would lie for them, he would die for them; he would throw away everything he could and couldn’t have for them. he doesnt believe hes a good person, for putting them all in this situation, but he’s trying his best. his heart has the best intentions for the foxes. in that ‘goodbye’ to andrew, he conveys so much, and andrew obviously catches on that it’s a goodbye. but neil conveys that he’s gonna fight, even if he’s scared he’s gonna lose, even if he knows he’s gonna lose. andrew took him in after everything; after being sus of neil and then neil telling him half truths, and yet he’s fucking everything up again by going off to die. and empty promise? there isnt an empty failed promise because he made andrew break off the deal beforehand. in the end, andrew was the one who was helping to fix him. the connection he formed with andrew made him feel like he had a shot; like maybe they could outwit his father and he would be safe. however, this whole situation including himself couldn’t be fixed because he is a part of the problem. he blames himself for the foxes being a target so to keep them safe he will go off w his father’s men and remove the issue. no one can fix him and keep him safe if he’s the dangerous one.

uhhh yeah i hope you liked my breakdown! here’s neil’s playlist if you’re curious for more! see ya next time.

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Raven King Incoherent Whatever

Yes it's me again I decided to go for a 1 list/1 book solution. Also this is the one that HURT. Again looooooooots of spoilers v.v

I'll state, here at the beginning, that Coach knew, just by looking at where Neil was sitting at the beginning of this one, HE KNEW.

Neil I-have-an-attitude-problem-no-i-won't-talk-to-a-therapist Josten

His relationship with his mother killed me, because yes she ran to save them, but she abused him for years, he had to bury her etc, now alcohol and cigarette smoke are all he has left, complicated doesn't even start to describe all that is wrong here

The look Neil has everytime someone does something nice for him at this point of the story

"Why did you pay for stall, Coach?" "Maybe I knew you'd need them one day."

Yeah Coach I didn't need my heart

Andrew going on the court sober

The whole Neil's sexuality thing? Like he said he doesn't swing, stop aking and betting (as if they would)

Andrew buying him clothes (and a phone)

Flash news: Neil doesn't deal well with phones

"I'm remembering why I don't like you." "I'm surprised you forgot in the first place."

The dinners with the other teams were always a delight

"What the hell is this?""His antagonism is a personality flaw we're learning to live with."

It just did things to me that Neil scared-life-on-the-run Josten refused EVERY TIME to let others call him property or treat him like a purchase

"Do as I say, not as I do, rookie" #QUEEN

Nathaniel, it has been so long

F*** you, Riko, sincerely everyone

"When I first said you would be Court, why were you upset with me?" "Because I knew it'd never happen, but I wanted it anyway."

"That's Andrew for you: making sense since never."

Guess what guys??

Thing#37483762 that I love about Neil: he doesn't really judge, and that's why most of the times he knows what's going on and he understands

"You can love Exy all you want, but it's never gonna love you back."

"Why don't you like girls?" Nicky looked startled by the interruption, but he rallied quickly and made a face. "They're so soft." Neil thought about Renee's bruised knuckles, Dan's fierce spirit, and Allison holding her ground on the court a week after Seth's death. He thought about his mother standing unflinching in the face of his father's violent anger and her ruthlessly leaving bodies in their wake. He felt compelled to say, "Some of the strongest people I've known are women." "What? Oh, no," Nicky hurried to say. "I mean literally soft. Too many curves, see?"

They are so precious

Also Neil various "I asked"

"Then why can I know?""Perhaps he knows you won't use it against him"

"I wouldn't crush your birthday party if it wasn't important"

"He said it was a misunderstanding."

See here I died, because like Neil I was putting everything together, and it was killing me because everyone treated Andrew like the strong one, the protector, so who protects/protected Andrew? T.T

"Why are you so special?" again Matt always asked the right questions

But since Neil doesn't know that love exists, he had the right to be dumb about this

Let's not talk about Thanksgiving

Better, I'll just say: f*** you Riko, he was laughing, Neil put the pieces together and went straight to murder and Aaron committed

Also Nicky's parents DON'T deserve him, just nope

"It wouldn't bother you that it was used as a murder weapon?""It didn't kill anyone important."

Neil being soft AND brutal, making it believable, HOW

Neil rethinking about his words about suicide, and also thinking he was being so expensive and driving Andrew's car

"Do it."

"You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I'll trust you with his life?"

Ah I was wondering when someone other than Abby would get to "see" the scars

That was intense

"Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil. You're a real friend.""Are we?" I don't know how I survived this boy, seriously

"I'm not a dog, I'm a Fox."

To get an idea of how Neil is with people he cares about: Riko threatened hell for Andrew, bc he had one of the doctors on his payroll, but he said that he might reconsider, might, if Neil let himself be tortured for two whole weeks that were actually three

And he just went

The flight back where Neil was so broken he just had the strength to call Coach and how he basically held him together, and Neil wasn't okay until he remembered he hadn't given in, hadn't signed the contract, he was still a Fox

The Ravens are a freackish cult

And now we have a Neil with his old looks back, a broken body, more targets on his back, and explanation to give

"What does Andrew have to do with this?""Everything that matters"

It warmed my heart how Neil went from flinching at Coach and being ready to run, to letting himself be turtured so Riko would not go after his teammates (yeah he still thinks he's going to die before summer and made peace with it, but hey baby steps)

"Too many questions. Too much lost time. It was safer to drink away the pain."

"He was their family. They were his. They were worth every cut and bruise and scream.[...]Facing the Foxes on the court this spring would be the last mistake Riko ever made"

In which Neil can predict the future but shhhh

I was going crazy at the end of this one, it was so intense and I finally loved all the team, including Coach and Abby (and yes also Bee, even if Neil doesn't). So yeah this turned out long, I fear the next list. Stay tuned.

The Foxhole Court Incoherent Whatever

[foxeshaveclaws]

You asked for prompts? Maybe something with the foxes seeing Neil’s scars for the first time? Especially like the bullet wound? I feel like other than Andrew and Renee they still haven’t grasped what all he went through(and maybe Renee and Andrew haven’t as well)

Okay I’m not exactly sure if this is what you wanted but here we go!!! I hope you enjoy it! (under a cut because it got a little long)

Despite everything, Neil still didn't like changing changing in front of the other Foxes. Old habits combined themselves with a general uneasiness that seeped into Neil’s core made it hard for him to do it, despite wanting to. After years on the run with no one but his mom at his side, it was hard to admit that he had a family again. He still got tripped up when they did kind things for him and still never knew how to respond when someone paid him a compliment. But despite this, he wanted them to know. He wanted to share more things about his life with them. He wanted to be seen. He wanted to be understood.

The first time he took his shirt off in front of them, it was the middle of Fall term of his second year. It was a movie night in the girls room with just the original Foxes. All of them were there, even Aaron, just because he had nothing better to do since Katelyn was at a mandatory Vixen retreat. It was a simple night filled with as much friendship and general unanimously that the Foxes could muster. It was an aggressive mess to say the least but it wasn't as bad as it could be. 

Still, Neil ended up with a Pepsi down the front of his shirt and an idea in his brain. 

Nicky, the one whose Pepsi ended up on Neil’s shirt, was apologizing profusely. Neil ignored him for the most part, deciding to shed his soaked and sticky shirt instead.

Silence reigned the room. Neil heard Nicky give a quiet gasp and Matt’s muffled swear. Dan had her fingers curled on Renee’s arm hard enough that Neil expected to see bruises the next day. Renee herself had her brows furrowed. Aaron was looking at him with curiosity and the fury on Allison’s face was palpable. The only ones who weren’t reacting were Andrew and Kevin. Andrew had seen and felt them before and wasn't startled at the sight of them though he did quirk his eyebrow at Neil’s decision. Kevin’s face was an impassive mask that could rival Andrews. All of them were looking at Neil, which is what he was going for but it still left his skin crawling for the moments it took him to grab Andrew’s hoodie from where it was hanging off the side of the couch. He tugged it on with a quick, decisive method before schooling his face to look at his family.

Allison was the first to speak. “I think I speak for the group when I say, polietly, what the actual fuck, dude. I knew you didn't change in front of people for a reason but holy shit. Was that a bullet wound?”

Neil answered with a shrug. “I told you I ran for nearly a decade. Bullets were common place. That one is the only time I fully got hit though. All the other times were just grazes or hit my vest.”

“Your vest.” Dan said blankly. “A bullet proof vest?”

“Yeah,Mom always made me wear one under my clothes when she could. They don’t let you wear them in airports though. I learned that the hard way.”

Matt’s face was ashen and he shook his head. “Jesus Christ, Neil.You do realize that's not normal, right?”

“Uh.” Neil stuttered. Nicky gaped at him. “I’m coming to that conclusion.”

“Thank you for showing us, Neil.”Renee smiled at him. If it had been last year, he would’ve brushed her off but Neil knew well enough now to know that Renee meant it. 

He nodded. “I wanted to. I'm still not going to change in the locker room though.”

“We wouldn't ask you to.” Dan gave him her most comforting Captain grin. 

“You don’t seem startled by this.” Andrew finally spoke, sliding his eyes to Kevin. “Anything to add, Day?”

Kevin scowled. “I’ve seen a few of them before. Besides, I’ve met Neil’s father first hand. I understand the type of marks the man makes on a person.”

The room erupted once again. 

“You’ve seen them?”

“When? How?”

“You met the butcher?”

Neil narrowed his eyes at Kevin. “Did you not tell them?”

“I only told them what was pertinent at the time. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“And what exactly was pertinent at the time?”

“Just who your father was and his connection to the Moriyama’s.”

“Is there more?” Nicky interrupted this time.

Neil and Kevin made eye contact, willing the other one to talk. Neil lost, if only because it was his story to tell. 

“Me and Kevin met once when we were kids, before me and Mom started running. I already had a few of these scars back then so Kevin has seen the older ones.”

“Why? Why did you two meet?”

Neil took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say and how to explain it all. Hs knee jerk reaction was the lie, lie through his teeth and come up with a story that would be more palpable to the people he was talking to but they didn't deserve that. They were his friends, his family, his Foxes. They deserved to know what might've been. “Jean was number 3 but I was suppose to be the first number 3, the backliner to compliment Kevin and Riko but Mom took me and ran before that could happen. I had gone to The Nest to play with Kevin and Riko and as part of that,” Neil gritted his teeth, “they had my father kill someone in front of us. So Kevin has seen a lot of my scars and he’s seen my father work first hand.”

Kevin nodded, finally taking his eyes off Neil and took a swig from the bottle of vodka at his side. He said nothing, leaving the silence up to Neil and the others to fill.

“Jesus Christ.” Dan ran a hand down her face. “Everything I learn about your life makes me want to just hide you somewhere where you can't get hurt.”

Neil gave a shy, confused smile. “Thanks?”

Allison huffed and reached over to ruffle Neil’s hair. “You're gonna kill me one day, kid. But for real, what Renee said. Thanks for sharing, even if it always looks like you're in pain while you do it.”

“I just...wanted you to know. It seemed fair.” 

Mat shook his head again. “I don't understand you and I don't know if I ever will.”

“Oh I know I never will.” Nicky added brightly. 

“Pay attention to the goddamn movie.” Aaron scowled and the conversation petered off.

Neil leaned back in his spot, Andrew next to him. He gently linked their pinkies together and Andrew didn't stop him, just kept his pinkie linked. Neil let a gentle smile wash across his face and turned his attention back to the movie still playing. Even though it hurt, letting people in could be pretty nice.

[jexnmcrexu]

Do you have any headcanons on the kandrew dynamic? There’s such a dearth of analyses on the interactions between Kevin and Andrew and it’s a shame because their behavior with each other is so deep, peculiar and fascinating :O

Did you mean hc or analysis? i’m gonna add a bit of both just in case ;) Buckle up because this got... so long...

- See the thing about kandrew is... they’re so complex

- I mean it’s just. At first glance their personalities just completely clash, you know?

- Kevin lives and breathes Exy, he pushes himself beyond his limits, and he has this single-minded obsession with his game being flawless

- While Andrew couldn’t care less about the sport, has absolutely no drive besides the promises he makes, no ambition

- So like, when I learned all this and realized they were practically attached at the hip I went ?????

- However we later learn about the promise Andrew made Kevin, that if he stayed at Palmetto he would keep him safe

- (and this hurts a whole fucking lot because Andrew thinks the only way of keeping people from leaving is by binding them with a promise and that just BREAKS MY HEART!! but that’s a topic for another post)

- We also learn that Kevin promised him a future if he stayed by his side

- So this was basically a “I want to be with you but you wouldn’t be with me in normal circumstances so here, I can offer you this” from both of them

- They’re a disaster

- Anyway so they have a tumultuous relationship from the start

- God listen here LISTEN

- Andrew refused to go with Kevin to the Ravens because he didn’t want to follow someone who was satisfied with being second best

- Like he just hated Kevin for that

- But when Kevin went to Wymack after Riko broke his hand, Andrew must have seen there was some courage in there he could work with

- Otherwise I assure you he wouldn’t have made a deal with him, he wouldn’t have found Kevin interesting enough

- SO HEAR ME OUT

- KEVIN SAW POTENTIAL IN ANDREW, BUT ANDREW SAW POTENTIAL IN KEVIN TOO

- I’m crying thanks

- At this point Andrew becomes Kevin’s rock

- (I like to compare this with a concept I learned in two TJ Klune’s novels, wolfsong and the lighting-struck heart (even though they exist everywhere else)

- In the sense that Andrew is Kevin’s cornerstone, a link that keeps him from despairing and succumbing to darkness

- And he’s also Neil’s tether, the link that keeps him grounded and prevents him from running away

- It makes me very emo

- “You spend all this time watching our backs. Who’s watching yours?”

- shut UP

- ANYWAY

- So Kevin heavily relies on andrew

- Let me tell you this: when I first read aftg I went in knowing NOTHING about the books except that there was a gay couple; i didn’t even know it was the main couple; i didn’t even know it was about sports

- And I thought that that couple were kevin and andrew

- I kid you not, I didn’t catch on until halfway through the raven king

- It was just so plainly obvious that they care about each other

- Like sure, they fight a lot, Andrew threatens Kevin and fucking cuts him with a knife at one point

- But that’s how they are; they’re constantly dancing around one another because they both have this huge thing in the middle: Andrew’s future

- And they both know it

- It’s what keeps them together but also what keeps them apart

- There’s an essential part of their relationship that simply cannot work if they don’t acknowledge it

- Which Andrew refuses to do until like the end of the king’s men

- ridiculous, both of them

- So on to my headcanons

- Basically I think they started to hook up a couple of weeks after Kevin transferred to Palmetto

- They were at Eden’s and they were drinking and Andrew was horny and Kevin was hot

- And tipsy

- So they kiss. I can’t decide if Kevin initiated it or if Andrew did

- I think maybe Kevin

- Kevin isn’t familiar with Andrew’s history at this point, so Andrew gathers inhuman amounts of patience and explains, without going into detail, that they’re playing by his rules

- Basically: don’t touch unless prompted and always, always ask first. Or else, knife in your gut.

- It becomes a regular thing and Andrew hates that it’s a regular thing but he also doesn’t

- Kevin is very conflicted because of the public image he needs to uphold

- But he never angsts about it with Andrew because he knows that would only push Andrew away

- A year goes by and there’s feelings in the way that they both kind of acknowledge, only never out loud

- it’s more in the actions?

- in the way Kevin always looks for Andrew first, in the way Andrew is always aware of where Kevin is in the room, never goes too far from him, and

- i can’t stress this enough

- in the way he is unconditional support for kevin

- kevin is a mess; his childhood was traumatizing— so was Andrew’s, and yet Andrew is always there for Kevin whenever Kevin falls into despair

- He knows how to calm him, how to keep him grounded, and is willing to go to the ends of the Earth to protect him

- He doesn’t make deals with everyone, y’all

- Just people he wants to keep close

- Kevin is one of them

- And Kevin... GOD, Kevin

- He never, ever gives up on Andrew

- No matter how many times Andrew tells him no to exy, he keeps pushing and he keeps waiting and he doesn’t. give. up.

- Kevin saw potential in him, but he also saw that the reason he didn’t care was because he didn’t think he deserved it

- And Kevin pushed

- And Andrew pushed back, in his own way

- Between him and Neil they made Kevin realize he was so much more than number 2

- I bet you Andrew used it as a counter argument so many times whenever Kevin brought his exy skills up

- “IF ONLY YOU LISTENED-“

- “I’m sorry, I don’t listen to second places”

- It drives Kevin absolutely insane

- They’re constantly pushing each other and grabbing at them at the same time

- It’s why they work

- Their dynamic is just complex and passionate and beautiful

- Hopefully we get to read about them more

[jemej3m]

To the Good Place We Go (p.2)

part two! (sorry about errors totally didn’t read over this)

credit goes to @gluupor​ for the idea! link to their the good place au here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782301

warning: aftg typical violence

part one here: http://jemejem.tumblr.com/post/182518320202/to-the-good-place-we-go

“I don’t belong here.” His voice shook. He imagined his father was looking up from the Bad Place, grinning like the mad-man he was. Neil was delivering himself into hell, because it was the right thing to do. His morals had been warped and distorted on Earth. If he was going to spend eternity suffering, he might as well make himself feel better by doing it honourably.

Also, he wanted to prove Andrew wrong. But that was besides the point.

Three-hundred and twenty-one residents, an omnipotent ethereal being and a walking Wikipedia stared at him in shock.

“Well.” Wymack clapped his hands together. “Dismissed, everyone!” He crooked a finger at Neil, and he felt his heart clambering to get out of his chest as he shuffled forward. He tried not to flinch as Wymack’s fingers brushed over his shoulder, and in less than a blink, they were standing in his office. Wymack rounded the desk and grabbed a stress ball off the desk and propping his feet up on the oaken edge, throwing it up and catching it repeatedly.

“Well?” Wymack offered him the chair. Neil sat. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I didn’t try to get in or hack the system somehow.” Neil murmured. “I’m not a mole. It’s a complete mistake.”

“Ha. A human, hacking into the universe? Very interesting. Very impossible. You humans are so strange.” He caught the ball, took his feet off the desk and leaned forward. “Neil Josten, you’ve been chosen as a candidate for MPP. The Middle Place Project. Nicky!”

“Yes?” Nicky had blooped into existence next to him.

“Strike Neil Josten off the Test One list.” Wymack’s smile was small but warm.

“That was a test?” Neil said testily. Wymack held out his hands.

“Honesty is an integral part of being a good person. You, out of everyone, are the most practised liar. Eight years on the run, twenty-two identities—I’m surprised you aren’t having an identity crisis.”

“Same.” Neil muttered. In all honesty, he was glad to have died as Neil Josten. Neil Abram Josten. Out of everyone he’d been, Neil was his favourite.

“If you can come forward, in front of the entire neighbourhood nonetheless, then I’m sure the rest will follow.” He cleared his throat. “The Middle Place Project is proving that humans are capable of  change, whether it be improving, or failing. There’s a few in the midst of the neighbourhood that we’re watching to see whether or not you can improve from your characteristic behaviours on earth.”

“Will we get into the Good Place if you do?”

“Maybe in five-thousand years.” Wymack promised. “If I can manage to convince my superiors of  your genuine progress.”

“Right.” Neil drawled. “Five-thousand years. No biggie.”

He glared at Neil with intense scrutiny, but somehow, Neil was unafraid of this ethereal being. He was giving Neil a chance, wasn’t he?

“Well?” Wymack grouched. “What are you still doing here?”

“What am I supposed to—“

“Figure it out, Josten. Just don’t tell anyone it’s a test. Got it?”

He pursed his lips. “Cool. Yeah. Got it.”

Wymack watched him, unimpressed, as he shuffled towards the door. Neil shot Wymack a quick grimace as he slipped out.

He blew his bangs out of his face with relief. Andrew stood in the waiting room, arms crossed and eyes barely slits. “So?”

“I’m alive.” He twinkled his fingers. “See?”

“Actually,” Nicky piped up.

“Shut up, Nicky.” They both ground out.

“Test forty-seven!” Wymack clapped his hands. “We’re finally getting into the good stuff. Ethical responsibility!”

Neil threw a troubled glance at Andrew, who, of course, stared impassively back. Ethics?

“What’s sitting in a classroom gonna do about our ethics.” Seth grunted.

Neil had decided he disliked Seth intensely. It was something about the constant fits of anger, irrational judgements and toxic intolerance to everything that wasn’t Allison’s tits or Adderall.

“Well, actually,” Kevin chided. Wymack snapped his fingers, effectively muting Kevin. The young man tried to scream in horror, but slumped in his chair with defeat.

“We’re going to be learning about some of your moral philosophisers and interpret what they had to say about what’s right and wrong. How about some basic questions, hm? Just to gage where each of you at.”

This wasn’t going to go well.

It was fine, wasn’t it? They had, what, five-thousand years?

“These first few should be simple.” Wymack picked a clipboard off his desk. “Let’s see. Neil?”

He looked up at the towering, omnipotent being. “What?”

“Is murder good or bad?”

Neil shrugged. “Depends.”

Wymack looked a little dismayed. “Andrew?”

Andrew jerked his thumb at Neil. “What he said. For example, Seth is a perfect example of why murder isn’t always bad.”

Neil grinned at him, and liked the way a spark of amusement glinted in his eye. Seth was probably clambering out of his chair to haul himself at Andrew in a fit of rage, but Neil wasn’t watching. He simply appreciated the sunlit hair that shone like spun gold, and the perfect understanding shared between them.

Their benevolent guardian simply dragged a hand over his face as his classroom dissolved into chaos.

“Good morning, son.”

Neil opened his eyes slowly. He was sleeping in a double bed, his double bed, in his cottage. In the afterlife. He was in the Middle Place. His name was Neil Josten. He had died at the age of 19. He played striker. His soulmate was Andrew Minyard.

Sitting upright, he saw Andrew standing at the opposite end of his bed. There was a young man standing behind him with a vicious glean to his eye; He had his chin hooked over Andrew’s shoulder.

Andrew was gagged, hands cuffed behind him. His feet were bare: His skin shone with sweat as his muscles convulsed. There were bruises blossoming under his skin: He’d put up a serious fight. How was he bruising? Could you be hurt in the afterlife?

“I said, good morning.”

Slowly, Neil craned his neck around. All six-feet of his father were craned over the edge of his bed, one fist denting the mattress and the other wrapped around Neil’s neck. He was looking at a mirror image, the eyes and the hair and the sadistic smile. Thick fingers tightened around Neil’s windpipe.

“Young Drake Spear was promoted to help me. It’s time to collect our rewards for such excellent work down in the Bad Place.” His grin was that of a wolfs.

“Fitting.” Neil wheezed out. Honestly, he was terrified. The thought of eternity trapped with the unending methods of his father was enough to wish that there was a way for Neil to die and end up in a further layer of the afterlife.

His father only laughed. The last thing he remembered noticing was Andrew closing his eyes. For a moment, it looked as though an angel was praying.

Dan crouched down, back to the wall. In her hand was a magnetic clamp, ready for Bad Nicky. It’d render him useless, and they couldn’t let Nathan Wesninski, Drake Spear or Riko Moriyama have access to him. They were powerful enough as it was.

Kevin was bone-white beside her. It had to have been years since he saw Riko Moriyama. Neil and Andrew weren’t the only ones facing their old demons today.

The man who’d stabbed Dan in the back had been boiling in a pit of acid. The demon in charge of the tank flashed a grin at her. “Want to join him?”

Aaron’s mother had leapt out at him from a shuffling line of prisoners, grabbing for fists of his hair and screaming. She hadn’t been able to tell which twin it was, mixing up the names as she spasmed with hysteria. Aaron had clutched his arms to his stomach and hurried away.

With Dan and Aaron’s close calls, Renee knew it was every possibility that her old gang leader had heard the commotion the group had caused and would want to connect with the girl who ended his life in a knife fight. Renee was clutching her rosary, praying as every demon brushed by her.

God, was Dan exhausted. Matt, Aaron and Seth had all been lured with narcotics. Then Matt got into a fight with a security guard, and Seth backed him up. Then someone insulted Allison as she was trying to flirt her way through a checkpoint, and she’d clawed their eyes out with her nails, but gotten bust up at a result.

So yeah. Not a great time for any of them.

“This is it, kid.” Wymack warned. “We’ve got a window of thirty seconds to get them out of there.”

Dan nodded.

A young man left the room, meaning Bad Nicky was watching over Andrew and Neil. Dan rolled out from her hiding position and bolted at the black-clad man standing in front of her. She whacked the cuffs on, stunning the look of contempt right out of those big brown eyes. He stumbled, turning around to look at her.

“Oh my god,” Allison cackled. “Bad Nicky is a straight, fuck-boy version of Nicky?”

It was true. He was wearing a flat-cap, backwards, and a big grey hoodie underneath a leather jacket. His jeans were torn and he wore stupid, stereotypical boots. He had a tattoo of a girl with her tongue between her fingers on his neck, and a gold-capped tooth.

“Hell.” He slurred. “You got me. Ha-aahh.”

Nicky was staring at himself with horror. “Disgusting.”

“Andrew,” Kevin faltered. “Where’s Neil?”

Andrew was sitting up, both hands chained to the bedposts behind him. He was blindfolded, his clothes in tatters and bloodied. Aaron rushed forward, dragging Nicky with him. The chains were cut and Dan watched Aaron murmur something to Andrew as he tore his blindfold off.

“We have to go.” Andrew said, fierce. Dan had never seen him so angered. “I know where Neil is.”

Matt grabbed bad Nicky and hauled him over his shoulder. The group filed out, lead by Andrew, Aaron surprisingly right on his heels. Despite the obvious abuse, he was legging it down the hallway. With the chaos of the Bad Place, the rag-tag team and their badges had looked like nothing more that a bunch of demons. With a Bad Nicky incapacitated and over Matt’s shoulder, they were running out of time. Andrew somehow had perfectly memorised the route to Neil’s cell.

They were almost there, when Andrew staggered to a holt. The young man they’d seen leaving the room earlier was standing in front of them. Aaron acted too quickly, brandishing a knife and jumping the guy. The knife buried itself into the man’s chest. Dan gasped.

“I won’t let him touch you again.” Aaron promised his twin. “Go.”

Andrew said nothing, instead shoving his way through a metal door on the left just metres past.

The demons present whirled upon their entrance. Dan felt her blood boil as she saw Neil in a chair, head hung. He couldn’t even lift his head to see who’d appeared.

“Wesninski, these humans are mine.” Wymack growled. “Give them back. They’re official property of the Middle Place.”

“Oh, oops.” The man—who did look scarily similar to Neil—grinned at the younger boy. Riko Moriyama. “It’s almost as though demons have to follow rules. Incredible.”

Riko had no eyes for anyone but Kevin. Kevin, who stood with his chin up and broad shoulders as he stared the other boy down.

“I’ll oversee your retirement myself, you rotten sack of sadistic fuckery.” Wymack snarled, stepping forward with Nicky at one side and Andrew at the other. “Back down. Now.”

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.” Riko clucked his tongue. “It’s so nice to see you. Such a shame that we’re opposed like this, brother.”

“I’m nothing like you.” Kevin rasped. “I’m going to go to the Good Place.”

“Why bother?” Riko leered. “When you can have so much more power, down here? They recruit the worst, you know. I was just human too. Now look at me.” He lifted his hand, and Neil spasmed, head flung back and mouth open in an aborted scream.

That was the precise moment that everything went to shit — as if everything hadn’t already gone to shit. Wymack launched at Wesninski: Andrew was hurling towards Riko, and the rest were attempting to shut the door on the copious amounts of demonic spawn trying to get a better look.

Dan was desperately trying to get someone’s attention but the only one who listened to her was Renee. That was ultimately futile, because Allison was thrown aside and Renee, obviously lost her shit. Even the faithful had their breaking points.

Kevin was desperately clawing for Neil to break him free: Andrew was brawling with Riko with a desperation that had Riko shaken, Wesninski was waving a knife in Wymack’s general direction, Matt was thrown over a demon’s shoulder and causing a ruckus, Seth was yelling and Allison was wiping furious tears off her face, snatching a knife off Renee.

Wesninski threw the knife. Riko threw himself at Neil. The door was thrown open.

“ENOUGH.” Nicky screamed, standing in the middle of the room.

Everyone froze.

“I’ve been through a lot, today!” Nicky’s voice was so shrill that Dan would have winced if she weren’t completely stiff. “I’ve hauled almost a dozen of you shits through portals, this way and that way. I’ve been running faster than I’ve ever had to run in my life, because I don’t run, I teleport! My husband’s disappeared because he wasn’t compatible with the Bad Place, I’m not meant to be this emotionally distraught because I’m just a machine, and now this?” He gasped. “I. Am. Flabbergasted. It’s my favourite human word, and that’s what I am right now. Not only have you—“ He pointed to Wesninski. “Defied basic laws by having a child with a human, you’ve been recruiting humans! Gracious, do you know the worst part of this entire shit-fuckery?” His voice raised into a scream once more. “I have to live out the rest of my eternal existence knowing that Bad Nicky is a straight fuck-boy!”

“That’s the worst part?” Neil said, weakly, his voice raw with screaming. “Well, gee, Nicky. I missed you too.”

“So,” Nicky continued. “I’m going to unfreeze my friends. Friends. F-R-I-E-N-D-S. And we’re going to leave. And am going to report your demonic asses to the new Lord Ichirou of the underworld, and I hope you live in agony for eternity. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” He snapped his fingers and Dan almost collapsed, if it weren’t for Matt holding her up. “We’re leaving.”

Andrew hauled Neil to his feet, clutching the taller boy to his side in a fit of possessiveness.

Dan stood by the door as she counted her crew out of Neil’s cell, watching Nicky carve an angry path through the mob of frozen demons. She glanced over her shoulder to see Kevin glaring at Riko.

“Kevin,” Dan started.

The man slapped Riko so hard that Riko’s head shifted, even with Nicky’s freeze power. Or whatever the fuck that was.

“You deserve so much worse than hell.” He said, calmly, before marching out the door. Dan followed him, squeezed his shoulder. His look was not as confident as he’d been momentarily ago, but he offered her a shaky smile.

“Let’s go home.” Wymack said, tiredly slinging an arm around Nicky’s shoulders.

They all smiled faintly, and with a nod, they were on their way home.

“How’d you do in the Trolley exam?”

Andrew glared at the sun. It was still peering over the horizon, the endless rolling hills, trying in vain to grasp a few more minutes of illumination. It turned the sky into a brilliant palette of purples and blues.

He wanted to shove Neil off the roof of this stupid house, but he probably wouldn’t even break a bone. He had been sleeping in Neil’s grossly cramped cottage for a few months, where there was only one room and Andrew had been donated the couch. They’d razed Andrew’s old house to the ground a few weeks back. That had been great fun.

The reason he wanted to shove Neil off was murky, but he knew part of it was because Neil provided him a tether: To stay in the Middle Place, to try and achieve Good Place status with everyone else, to stop himself from marching down and delivering himself into greedy hands. It didn’t matter if Drake and Wesninski and Riko were gone. Hell would still suck.

He hated it.

But he also couldn’t cut the rope.

“I ran you over. It was very satisfying.”

They corner of Neil’s mouth quirked. Andrew hated that too. He hated Neil’s stupid red curls and brilliantly blue eyes. They were sparkling in the sunset, each freckle and scar glossed with a decadent shade of gold. “What was it between?”

“You and nothing. I think I’m a bit behind in class.”

Again, the quirk of the mouth.

Truthfully, the choice had been between Neil and Aaron. Because they were all already dead and this was just a theory, Andrew knew it didn’t matter. But still, he’d found himself torn. Usually apathetic and uninterested, he was placed in the simulation and felt a strange thrumming in his. ear. His heartbeat. Quickening.

Aaron was his brother. He had promised Aaron protection. Aaron had gotten them both killed. Aaron ignored his conditions and went out with Katelyn, and lied about it. Aaron was his brother. Andrew died protecting Aaron from their mother. Aaron had stabbed Drake for him. Aaron was his brother.

But Neil was his other. Neil listened. Neil smiled. Neil was honest with Andrew. Neil was relaxed with Andrew. Neil looked at Andrew in a way that made Andrew felt as though he was coming undone, unravelling at the seams. Neil could see Andrew. Neil understood Andrew.

He’d only had a split second left to decide.

He’d chosen Neil over Aaron.

“Yes or no?”

Neil narrowed his eyes. “To what?”

“A kiss.”

The word sounded so delicate out of Andrew’s mouth. He felt delicate, exposed and raw to Neil’s understanding gaze. All this studying of ethics and morality and those stupid philosophers was getting to Andrew’s head. The question yes or no was balanced on a scale, the decision between forever and never ultimately resting on Neil’s final answer. Andrew fucking hoped it was a yes.

Death made one’s apathetic resolve melt like ice sometimes.

Gosh, he was a miserable forking sap. It was disgusting.

Neil smiled, so hesitant that it was almost unnoticeable. But Andrew saw it. Maybe Andrew understood Neil, too. “Yes.”

Fork the Good Place. Andrew was already there.

once again, credit goes to @gluupor /// link to their the good place au here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782301

hope u enjoyed!

[thespacebetweenworlds]

idk if you’ll care about this but your thing about the whole “fiction is just fiction” and “fiction doesn’t affect reality” argument is actually not true at all because let’s just say for example: having lgbt, poc, disability rep in books or media isn’t all that important because it doesn’t affect reality.... when it does? it makes a HUGE impact on people. but yes I see where you’re coming from and as a person who hates incest with a passion, I don’t think u guys deserve these threats AT ALL.

Thank you for not thinking I should die a violent death. And thank you for this ask! I love being asked things. And to respond to your point, that fiction does affect reality, with the example of how representation is pretty awesome: that’s a freaking good point you have there, that I agree with - partially.

This Essay is titled: Fiction and Reality and How the everloving Fuck do they interact and what by nathan wesninski’s underpants does that have to do with fandom discourse?

So, beyond the read more you’ll have a compilation of my thoughts on it (that didn’t take several hours to write and edit). I’ll talk about:

1. Definition Of Fiction, Definition Of Reality

2. (How) Does Fiction Affect Reality?

3. Representation In Fiction

4. Who Judges Fanfic?

5. ”this content is problematic,” says you. ”please don’t mention power dynamics,” replies I

6. Censorship

7. A Brief History Of Why Fanfic Is Awesome

8. Links to stuff that might interest you

I’m just gonna. Quickly do that part in radioactive with the deep breath.

To start this, I want to clarify that in the response I made to transneiljosten’s post, I never explicitly said “fiction doesn’t affect reality” or “fiction is just fiction.”

What I did say is this: “Incest in fiction is just that: incest in fiction. It’s. not. real.” And: “I believe everyone should be allowed to write/create what they want - as long as it doesn’t hurt people in real life.”

But yes, the phrases “fiction is just fiction” and “fiction is not reality” have been used often when discussing freedom to write fanfic and when defending content another might call immoral. Not many people have elaborated beyond that, and to be fair - it’s a super big fucking field of study with so many subjective ways to look at it that it’s difficult to put into words.

But I’m gonna go and explain what people mean with those two phrases anyway.

Disclaimer: Remember how I called this a super big fucking field of study? I am no linguist and I have not studied literature. All my knowledge comes from years in fandom and internet research of the topics I personally found interesting. I may be wrong about things I say here, and I am always learning, so feel free to message me. I try my best to discuss controversial topics thoughtfully, respectfully, considerately and carefully, but I am only human and do not know everything. You are welcome to join the discussion.

1. Definition Of Fiction, Definition Of Reality

Going to https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/ to properly look this up:

Reality: The state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

Fiction: Literature in the form of prose, especially novels, that describes imaginary events and people.

So I say I don’t study literature (I really don’t) but just a few weeks ago I was in a lecture on the absolute basics of literature science, where I learned this dope sentence:

Die Wirklichkeit in der Kunst ist nur eine auf die außerkünstlerische Wirklichkeit verweisende Wirklichkeit.

Which is German, yes I know. Basically we have the starting point that literature is art, so it’s: "the reality in art is only a reality that refers to the reality outside of art" or, in other words, fiction is only ever fiction and not reality, no matter how close they may seem to be.

In summary, what we can say for sure: Fiction does not equal Reality. They are not the same. Fiction exists because Reality exists.

2. (How) Does Fiction Affect Reality?

Reality affects fiction. But does Fiction affect Reality?

Allow me to quote tumblr user shinelikethunder, who put it very nicely:

“Fiction affects people. And people affect reality.”

Tumblr user muchymozzarella made an important addition (and the blog is really pretty) so to read the post, klick on this link: https://muchymozzarella.tumblr.com/post/167137950299/fiction-is-not-responsible-for-reality

If you read the above post, further reading that might interest you are texts by Immanuel Kant and Arthur Schopenhauer on Free Will. But that wouldn’t be fandom anymore, so like, find philosophy books in your local library and talk to you friends about it.

3. Representation In Fiction

But let’s come back to your question, dear anon: “... the whole “fiction is just fiction” and “fiction doesn’t affect reality” argument is actually not true at all because let’s just say for example: having lgbt, poc, disability rep in books or media isn’t all that important because it doesn’t affect reality.... when it does? it makes a HUGE impact on people.”

You have a great point. Representation in books matters. (If you rec me some nice wlw books I’ll love you forever, there are not enough.)

I am, however, gonna quote my friend of mine, who says it better than I ever could:

“There is a difference between media affecting behaviour and representation in media. Like, violent video games don't actually make you violent. Watching gay cinema isn't going to turn you to the lgbt side unless there was already a disposition there.

People read and write immorality constantly, and even when it's shone in a good light it's usually expected that we as human beings know right from wrong, know fiction from reality. Humanity has explored the happy shiny purity of the universe and the horrific grittiness since... Well probably forever, for a variety of reasons. And in recent years the way we consume media has intensified drastically. Our consumption is interactive, our interaction is globally influenced and sometimes that is good, but we've also given ourselves the right to witch-hunt without a lot of information, or because things don't go as you planned. Real people are always more important than fictional people.

Stand up for representation. Stand up for good representation. But if you're smart enough to understand morality in reality, that isn't going to suddenly go away if you read some incest fics... And hey if you do suddenly want to kiss your brother, that's something for you to deal with and it isn't fan fiction's fault.”

Representation in books matters. Why does it matter? Because the real world is so much more diverse than popular media might make you think. Fight against the patriarchy, not against random people on the internet.

4. Who Judges Fanfic?

Fanfic is written by fans. It’s also written for fans, but more than that, it’s written by fans. I’m not gonna say only teenage girls write fanfiction, because that’s not true. Fans write fanfiction. And everyone can be a fan.

Ozhawkauthor said:

“You are not paying for fanworks content, and you have no rights to it other than to choose to consume it, or not consume it. If you do choose to consume it, do not then attack the creator if it wasn’t to your taste. That’s the height of bad manners.

Be courteous in fandom. It makes the whole experience better for all of us.”

So why are “antis” suddenly here, declaring this ship and those characters off limits and to be hated on?

Specifically, what the fuck are fans that attack or judge other fans on?

To quote shinelikethunder (again): “Fiction needn’t be educational and fiction doesn’t always have clear-cut endorsements of who’s in the right. But the discussion that happens around fiction can include both.”

But to answer the question above: Who Judges Fanfic? Not. You.

5. ”this content is problematic,” says you. ”please don’t mention power dynamics,” replies I

Hypothetical situation:

I write a fanfic. My protagonist is Riko Moriyama, who is, in canon, a sadistic asshole that is so morally black that his own brother, Ichirou, who is also morally black, kills him in the end. It doesn’t matter what I write, or who I ship him with, in this hypothetical situation.

You appear, you read the fic or you don’t read the fic. You say: “This content is problematic.”

I quiver. I know you don’t like Riko Moriyama. I know you don’t approve of my shipping choice. “Please don’t mention power dynamics,” I reply.

“This relationship is toxic,” you say. “There are unhealthy power dynamics at play.”

And like, fuck, I know? I wrote it.

Obviously. Obviously I could reply with that ancient, age old phrase “Don’t Like Don’t Read.”

But I already made a similar post about that.

6. Censorship

I’m writing this post to fight against censorship in fandom. (The day I am typing this up on was the day I went to a demonstration against articles 11 and 17, earlier 13, in the copyright reform in the EU, and to protest for a free internet.)

Censorship.

What does that even mean? The Oxford English Dictionary says:

Censorship: The suppression or prohibition of any parts of books, films, news, etc. that are considered obscene, politically unacceptable, or a threat to security.

Here’s the wikipedia article.

In my opinion, every person, regardless of whether or not they call themselves “anti” who tells someone else that their fanfic is disgusting and wrong and should be deleted, based on subjective ideas of moral, is trying to enforce censorship. So don’t. Don’t do that.

“But,” you might say. “Riko is not a good person.”

And you know what? You’re absolutely right. He’s not. Neither is any of the Foxes.

And this is why none of the antis make sense. In one post, they condemn Roland - a perfectly normal minor character, and in the next post they call Andrew Minyard their soft angel child. Y’all. Not to hate on Andrew Minyard, but he literally drugged Neil? Even though he’s so big on consent, he drugged Neil?

So by saying this and that are problematic and should not be written and the people who do write it should be blocked, you’re kinda hypocritical. Because the All For The Game trilogy is one fucked up piece of media by itself.

And have you ever read a book?

Most books have characters that aren’t completely morally white or morally black, events that aren’t always sunshine, butterflies and rainbows.

And you know what else? That’s a good thing. Because the world isn’t like that either. And more often than not literature addresses topics critically.

Remember The Hunger Games? Exactly.

7. A Brief History Of Why Fanfic Is Awesome

In the beginnings of fanfic and fandom as we know it, slash was illegal in the USA. Fanfiction.net was made in like 1998, and during the first few years when fanfic got more attention with the rise of the internet, restrictions were made.

Much like tumblr in december 2018, except worse, fanfiction.net purged explicit content. Livejournal, the journaling platform where lots of fandom stuff happened before tumblr, is known for strikethrough, a big, unannounced deletion of fannish content. Because of those purges and restrictions, ao3 was originally made. I’m not trying to paint ao3 as the heroes that saved fandom, well I kinda am, and they are doing great things so that fanfiction can exist and remain accessible.

I think fiction is not just fiction. But fiction is just fiction in the sense that it doesn’t have any direct influence on the real world. We are all allowed to write whatever we want.

Disclaimer: We are all allowed to write whatever we want, except when we call for violence towards others in real life. Further disclaimer: Calling for violence towards others is illegal. Hate speech is illegal. Violent threats are illegal. Promotion of self-harm is illegal. Death threats are illegal.

To come back to fandom: Shipping or not shipping something has nothing to do with morals. Hating on people who ship “unhealthy power dynamics/problematic ships” does not give you the moral high ground. It makes you an asshole. For the love of Riko’s stinky socks, use the blocking feature.

My friend iknowwhoyouaredamianos said: “Hating people irl, lashing out against them, that's the real cruelty. That's so much worse than writing about something fictional.”

If you hate on real people, there is no trigger warning. You can’t don’t-like-don’t-read hate. It will affect that person’s life negatively, whether you intend to do so or not. Don’t be assholes, dears.

Thank you to my friend, and to iknowwhoyouaredamianos for letting me quote you and joining the discussion; and to foxsoulcourt for so many reasons.

Who knew that writing over 2000 words on fandom would be fun?

Dear anon, I hope I answered your question.

I’m gonna conclude this post with the Three Laws of Fandom:

I. Don’t Like; Don’t Read.

II. Your Kink Is Not My Kink.

III. Ship And Let Ship.

8. Links To Stuff That Might Be Of Interest

If you read all of the above and still feel like you don’t understand, have this awesome post by destinationtoast: How to not like fictional things (and not be a dick about it)

Podcasts on fandom culture by fansplaining:

Episode 84: Purity Culture

Episode 85: Age and Fandom

Episode 86: The Money Question

Episode 87: What we discourse about when we discourse about the discourse

Fandom positivity posts I reblogged (because y’all need it):

short post on staying positive in fandom

when discourse gets too stressful

important advice especially for those of you younger than 15 (but also older)

Tumblr user freedom-of-fanfic is writing lots of essays on lots of fandom things, here are some those more or less directly relate to this:

On criticising: Free to write whatever, free to criticise whatever?

A post on Fiction & Reality that answers a question very similar to the one I answered,

and Why fanworks are such a convenient social scrapegoat (kinda a socioeconomical discussion of USA-centric fandom)

There is also a very extensive FAQ by freedom-of-fanfic, with lots of very important writings on fandom culture on tumblr.

Unrelated, but if you’re interested in more of fandom, fanfic, and statistics of both:

http://destinationtoast.tumblr.com/stats

Interesting stuff on Fanlore: Purity Culture in Fandom, AO3 & Censorship, The Advantages of Fan Fiction as an Art Form.

An article on the free speech debate in fandom

Dreamwidth’s Diversity Statement, and Ao3’s Diversity Statement

A cool (and unrelated) thing: Femslash can save the world if we let it

Happy reading, and I hope you learned something.

[meanwhileinsidemyhead]

You've read The Foxhole Court?!! The ANGST. The glorious ANGST in those books. I got way too excited when I saw you reblog something related to All For the Game. I adore that series. :))

OMG YES! I finished “The Foxhole Court” a couple of days ago, and now I’m almost done with “The Raven King.” Last night I was reading it on the train back home, and I almost missed my stop because I didn’t want to stop reading, LOL. This series is SO GOOD. Where-Have-You-Been-My-Entire-Life good. I think I will re-read it right away, as soon as I’m finished with the third book.

I am beyond happy that you’ve read it and loved it. I’ve been going crazy because I have so many feelings about it and nobody to talk to about them. I was planning on looking for active Tumblr fan accounts as soon as I was finished reading the third book, but this is SO much better because it’s YOU

I apologize for the incoherent ramble that will most certainly follow.

My favorite part is how they are (slowly! painfully slowly!) becoming a family. I was close to tears when they played their first game as a team rather than individuals. They still have a long way to go, but they are already so much closer than when Neil first got there.

I love them all so much. They are so complex, layered and real. Sometimes their actions/reactions seem extreme, but then I find out something about their past and suddenly it makes perfect sense. Like, when Andrew almost kills Nicky for flirting with Neil after Neil made it clear he wasn’t interested? It looked like an over-reaction. But then last night I found out that Andrew was abused and so of course he was going to react that way.

Neil breaks my heart with all his trust issues and his fear of getting close to people because he believes he’s going to lose them one way or another. He’s so guarded, but at the same time he longs for a family/home. His deep understanding of his teammates and their issues is heartbreaking to see. I also love how he hero-worships Kevin and, at the same time, finds him annoying, lol. (Which is why I thought they might get together.)

It took me a while to understand why Kevin is so cold and only seems to care about Exy but it makes so much sense now that I know his backstory. His perseverance and resilience are inspiring. He wouldn’t have survived all those years otherwise. I’m glad he got out, even though he had to pay too high a price.

Andrew. Oh, my. Every time I think Andrew’s past can’t get any worse, it does. WHY??! I want so badly for him and Aaron to be brothers, and for both of them to find peace/balance.

Nicky is simply too good for this world. After all he went through with his parents, when he finally found love and happiness, he left it all behind and came back to adopt his cousins so they wouldn’t have to stay with his awful parents??? And he’s so positive and upbeat all the time. Like, how?

Matt. MATT. I CAN’T WITH HIM. How dare he be so sweet and caring? Doesn’t he know I have a thing for tough guys who are actually sweethearts? I just want to hug him for a week, then wrap him in bubble wrap and protect him from every single bad thing in the world. Like, I didn’t care too much about Seth’s death. He didn’t deserve to die, but he was a homophobic jerk, so I wasn’t going to cry about him. But then I saw how much it affected Matt and just— AHHH! I physically need Matt to be safe and healthy and happy. If Riko or anyone else hurt him, I will find a way to bring hell down on them. I hope he’ll never have to see his father again. Who intentionally gets their kid addicted to drugs?!

The girls!!! Dan is such a badass and I love that she doesn’t hide from her past and doesn’t let anyone fight her own battles. She is a wonderful captain, too. No one else could take her place.

Renee… oh my, Renee might just be my favorite female character. I love love love her friendship with Andrew. She is all kinds of wonderful. I feel like from the beginning she’s the glue who holds the team together.

I hope to see more of Allison, too. I still don’t quite get how she fits in with them but I cannot wait to find out. The way she stepped up for her team so shortly after Seth’s death showed she’s much stronger than I initially gave her credit for.

Coach Wymack is a wonderful human being, and so are the nurse and the psychiatrist. They never give up on those kids and they always manage to find the right mix of tough love and understanding. They are so sensitive to everyone’s unique struggles and issues, and at the same time encourage them to become the best versions of themselves.

I love how the author shows that, given a chance and the right environment/support, these kids can overcome their pasts and be a million times better than anyone gives them credit for (and a billion times better than the people who hurt them!)

And then the ships! I knew from the beginning that there was a ship that would take a long time to develop/get together. At first, I thought it would be either Neil and Kevin, or Andrew and Kevin, but now I think it’s probably Andrew and Neil? I’m not 100% sure but it would make so much sense. I feel like Neil is the only one who can give Andrew a reason to live/be okay/stop his self-destructive behaviors, and Andrew is the only one who can stop Neil from running again. I still love the (complicated) relationships/friendships Kevin has with Neil and Andrew, though. (And I was shocked to learn that he has a girlfriend. I didn’t think he loved anything else besides Exy!)

Matt and Dan are wonderful together, of course, and I hope we’ll get to meet Nicky’s boyfriend Erik at some point.

Of course, I want them to win the championship and humiliate the Ravens. I hope Riko and coach Moriyama will pay for what they’ve done. Every other person who hurt my babies, too. Especially Matt’s and Nicky’s fathers. Such horrible human beings.

I’m gonna stop here because I’m afraid I’ve already gone overboard, LOL. And I realize now that since you read the books a while ago, you probably don’t remember every name and detail. Sorry!!