#because I'm ace too (maybe aro as well idk yet)
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Thinking about praising Alastor...
Not that it'd be in a sexual manner (aroace representation yay), but for the mutual smugness of it
Pointing out how dashing he looks, complimenting his voice or strength or how intimidating he looked dealing with enemies attacking the hotel or one of the staff
You'd say it nonchalantly, almost dismissively, but it wouldn't escape the overlord's attention that you'd be watching his reaction from the corner of your eyes, a playful, and yet genuine, smile discreetly on your lips
You knew he knew you were waiting for his reaction and you'd revel in the surge of pride at seeing his everpresent grin turn somehow more smug than it already was.
Alastor would usually be suspicious of compliments so freely handed out, wracking his mind for any possible ulterior motive you could have, but he soon enough realised you liked subtly stroking his ego, for some reason
So he continued to indulge you, letting his pleased expression show just enough for your observing self to see, while the others would stay oblivious to this habit forming between the two of you.
Upping his game after some time, he'd throw you smooth and almost sultry "thank you, dear"s, enjoying how much it affected you and how little you were able to hide your heated cheeks.
He'd also stick to your side more than before, hanging around you for the simple pleasure of a small dopamine rush from your praise.
You'd have to learn to accept that sometimes, when you were getting ready to run some errands, Alastor would join you at the main entrance to the hotel, not stating his intentions or reasons, only quipping up from time to time with small talk like "Quite a lovely weather we're having today!"
In a twisted sort of sense he hopes someone will approach you two with ill intentions. Not because he wished you harm, no. Quite the contrary, with him by your side, he could make a show of protecting you - just for you of course.
And the only thing he'd expect in return was a thank you and a little comment about how well he'd done or how terrifying he looked.
Alastor does not have a desire to be needed, but he likes his ego stroked and loves to show off when he can, subtly, or not so much, reminding everyone that even with his multiple year absence, he's still the dangerous and mysterious Radio demon.
And you, having a nonsensical andcompletely illogical soft spot for the charming, yet cruel radio host, went along with these frivolous endeavours of his.
But you'd be careful not to overdo it, because you needed to keep in mind that Alastor is great at manipulation, and you weren't looking to give up your soul to anyone anytime soon.
At the same time, your compliments were never the same for long, after all, there were many nice things you could point out on the gentleman in red, as surprising as it may sound.
Alastor, of course, knew of all this, your careful nature and cheeky bravery. He respected it. And because of this intriguing, and very entertaining, personality of yours, he realised too late that you had somehow made a little place for yourself in the heart he swore he neer had.
#my first hazbin hotel piece#this popped into my head at work and I needed to write it down before I forgot#because I do that a lot#i forgor#anyway#this is supposed to be qeerplatonic but can be interpreted as romantic if you wish#i just love the fact that Alastor is aroace#and I wamt to respect that#because I'm ace too (maybe aro as well idk yet)#but I am very well aware of the fact that he would not pursue any kind of relationship in canon#not even queerplatonic#but this is fanfiction for a reason am I right guys?#so let's be delusional#because I think about the fact that he would kill me on the spot if I ever got the chance to meet him is something I think about every day#lol#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel x y/n#alastor x reader#alastor#alastor x you#alastor x y/n#fluff#just some thoughts#i am having thoughts#i am having emotions#the rot is spreading
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hi!! so recently ive been questioning if im aspec but am also v confused. im 13-15 yrs old and have never had a crush on anyone irl, celebrities, etc. im not sure if thats normal or not but i am unlabelled so already being part of the lgbtq community has made me wonder if the fact that ive never had a crush is also related to something lgbtq (aspec). not sure if im aromantic or not but i really dont know how to figure it out. also whenever my friends mention s*x i feel kinda gross but idk.. help
Hey, sorry it took so long to get to this, I wanted to make sure I did a decent job answering it.
So you've not had any crushes! By 13, most (allo) people tend to have had some crushes, both on celebrities and normal people. If you haven't that could be because you're ace, or aro, and you could just be a late bloomer, but if you're 15 and it hasn't happened yet then. maybe it's not going to?
It's totally chill to stay unlabelled or questioning, you don't need to figure everything out right now, you're still super young (and it's fine if you stay unlabelled forever too, just to be clear). I can't tell you if you're ace or aro or otherwise aspec, it sounds to me like you could be so it's totally fine for you to try out those labels, you don't have to keep them, or even tell anyone about them if you don't want, just see how they fit for a while if you want, but it's important to remember that you're trying on a label, not putting yourself in a box.
I don't want it to sound like I'm discouraging you from ID'ing as aspec at all, but it doesn't hurt to keep an open mind. At 13 I ID'd vaguely and secretly as bi on and off for 3 years, I barely even knew asexuality or aromanticism existed, so I'm really glad you have those options to explore. Also, don't worry about the sex repulsion thing, loads of acespec people are sex repulsed, and tbh, so are a lot of people your age, truly you are not the only one, and it might even go away, or get weaker over time. I mean even I'm less sex repulsed now than I was a year ago and I'm in my 20s. It doesn't for everyone, some people's gets worse, but these things are fluid, just like anything.
There are loads of resources you can find online about both (I am currently riddled with executive dysfunction otherwise I'd link them here, but there are a ton already on this and other blogs, as well as AVEN and AUREA), don't knock the efficacy of Am I Ace quizzes if you want a more fun and easy way to get your thoughts in order.
I hope this helps, and if anyone has any resources that might be useful, please share them. <3
- mod key
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(Keep in mind I grew up (and still live) in a household that considers sex inseparable from love, so while a lot of my hangups about relationships sound like Aromantic Problems, I swear it's for Ace Reasons. I don't consider myself Aro, just Ace. for now, anyway. cut for length bc i rambled lkjhsdfg)
I knew I was a bit "weird" for not being interested in things like kissing or sex or whatever. It was around middle school-highschool age, where people started getting "serious" with boyfriends/girlfriends and it was everywhere. People started prioritizing hanging out with partners over friends and such.
Personally, I found the idea of myself kissing someone/having sex to be gross. It was always "for adults" to do, not us, we're kids. Even as I grew up, at 18, 19, 20 and beyond, I felt like it "wasn't for me". There was literally always something I'd rather be doing, even if it was homework or studying.
During school, I had kept being told by my parents that I "hadn't found the right person" yet. So I was like, ah, so it's not my fault. I just have to do what I've been doing and Mr. Right (I'm a cis woman and assumed I was straight) will come along and magically change everything for me somehow.
But my parents started getting concerned about me not having a boyfriend. I was told it "wasn't normal" to not want a boyfriend, to not dream about marrying Prince Charming. And everyone assumed that me and my best guy friend were dating, or told us we should date. And out of pressure we decided to date, but I didn't like it. There was suddenly a pressure to do certain things (not by him, he was great), to hold hands, to kiss, to give gifts, to celebrate certain holidays certain ways, and I didn't like it, so we went back to being friends and all was well with both of us.
As I got older, in my early 20s, and got my first job, parents would again ask if I liked any of my coworkers enough to date them. And I was like.. no. Every time a coworker flirted with me and implied wanting a relationship with me, I would cry, because, to me at the time, a relationship=sex and I didn't want that. Mom would tell me "it's not normal to not want sex".
It wasn't until I had been on tumblr for a few years, think.. idk, somewhere between 2015 and 2018 (ages 22-25), that I even heard of the term asexuality. But I was also wary of the discourse surrounding it. Saying aces were "basically straight" and so not LGBT+, or how it's just straight people "infiltrating" LGBT spaces.
I had an inkling that maybe it fit me, but I had always thought that the realization would be a "WOW OMG THAT'S ME!!!" moment, but it wasn't. It was quiet, and frightened, because what if I was wrong? I was one of the few cishet people in my friend groups and I didn't want to mistake FOMO for something it wasn't. I didn't want it to feel like I was "making myself" queer on a technicality just to "fit in". What if what the a-phobes/exclusionists said was right, and at best I wouldn't be taken seriously, or at worst my friends would think less of me/ostracize me? (I didn't know at the time that a lot of my friends were actually some flavor of ace, too)
At some point between 2018 and 2021, between the ages of 25-28, I expressed that fear on a now-deleted sideblog, and several friends offered encouragement. They assured me that even if I ended up being wrong, a label is just a label, it can be tried out and changed, and they wouldn't think less of me for it. So I started calling and considering myself asexual.
And then I learned about the term Aegosexual under the Ace umbrella, and that was an "Omg it's ME" moment.
I'll be 31 in June and I've never felt more sure of myself about being asexual. And maybe I'm Aro, too, and I just don't know it. It doesn't feel as personally important for me to identify with as being Ace was.
I'm glad younger people have easy access to these terms to figure it out earlier in life, because trying to figure it out as an adult while discourse around it was at its peak really sucked.
storytime invitation?? i guess thats what youd call it
how did you know you were aromantic/asexual/aroace?
i knew i was ace from the moment i learned what sex was, like ummm!!! you can keep that to yourself actually
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Happy Blorbo Blursday, Morri! I feel like I don't know much about Captain Blackthorne aside from the basics. so, i guess i'd love to see you give the spotlight to him! hoping you have a great day ahead! :3 - 🔮⛈ (@enchanted-lightning-aes)
Hi Enchant! Thanks for the ask!! <3
So, Captain Blackthorne is, as expected, Fallon's Captain of the Guard. He used to be one of her mother's personal guards, until she was murdered. He's roughly 47 years old (ages are hard), and he's known Fallon since she was born.
His first name is Xavier, and he has a kind face, dark hair that's going grey, and smile lines. I love him to death. Also, he loves dogs and kids. He would make the best dad ever, if he had had children. He sees Fallon as his daughter though, so that makes up for things, right??
He's very protective of her, partly because he sees her as his daughter, and partly because of his guilt surrounding Rosalynn's death. (More on that under the cut.)
A longer backstory under the cut, because I love this man, and have a lot of thoughts about him. TW for murder / death mention !!
Captain Blackthorne has been a member of the Royal Guard since he was 18-ish? His family has always served the royal family, so he decided to continue the tradition. He’s a very skilled swordsman, as well as clever and organized. These facts, combined with his unwavering loyalty to the Crown and his near-constant good temper made him an excellent choice for Captain. Everyone assumed he would be succeed the current Captain of the Guard when he retired.
He was already a member of the Royal Guard when Fallon was born, so he’s literally known her for her entire life. When he was in his 20’s, Rosalynn (Fallon’s mother, the Queen at the time), selected him to be a member of her personal guard. He remained in this position for years, eventually becoming Her Majesty’s personal guard and frankly, her best friend.
On this night of Rosalynn’s death, he woke to find the alarm had been raised for an intruder in the Palace. He rushed to Her Majesty’s rooms to find her dead. She had been a friend to him as well as a Queen, and the fact that she died when she was supposed to be under his protection nearly broke him.
Heartbroken, he planned to retire from the Guard, but chose to stay when Fallon offered him the position of Captain of the Guard, to replace the previous who had been killed on the night of Rosalynn’s murder. Xavier felt he owed it to Rosalynn to protect Fallon in any way possible, so he agreed to stay.
He partially blames himself for Rosalynn’s death, even though the rational part of his brain knows better. (If spies were easy to catch, they wouldn���t be spies. If assassins couldn’t do their job, they’d be dead.) But he still feels a little guilty, and that’s part of the reason he is so very protective of Fallon.
Though he’d never admit it, his worst fear is failing to protect Fallon (and thus failing Rosalynn), and he sometimes dreams about the night of Rosalynn’s death, but it’s Fallon there instead. :’(
BONUS FACTS: - He never married or had children, instead dedicating his time to the Guard, but he would absolutley be the best grandpa/dad ever. - He has a heart of gold and it takes a lot to make him angry. - He has been accidentally called Dad by young recruits on no less than 6 occasions. (They all get really embarassed, but Blackthorne thinks it’s cute.) - He low-key views Fallon as his daughter. - He also loves dogs and will absolutely lose his shit over any kind of puppy.
#I almost typed a thing saying 'even tho it's not thursday yet'#I somehow thought it was Wednesday even tho I literally just got back from my weekly thingy that happens on Thursdays#I'm not the smartest lmao#blorbo blursday#atqh: Captain Blackthorne#oc asks#atqh: asks#side note: yes I'm aware that Xavier is largely a catholic name#but i wasn't aware of that when I named him and it just seemed to fit really well#and I'm not changing it now#besides#Catholocism doesn't exist in ATQH because it's not Earth#same reason white weddings aren't a thing#Fallon will be getting married in red <333#I have no idea what Blackthorne's sexuality is tho#I've tossed around the idea of him being aro-ace or maybe just ace#but idk#all I know is he doesn't have a partner or kids#been too busy i guess#too dedicated to keeping Fallon alive#and that's a fulltime job
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i'm going to go on a big season three bisexual rant because there are no thoughts in here apart from some gremlins chanting "bi bi bi bi"
very happy for redlyn being bi4bi, it's pretty rare to have on bi character, let alone two, let alone in a relationship
i really appreciate that it's a disney+ show aimed at a younger audience giving this representation. despite my thoughts on disney as a Company, at least there are creators within it who are like "you know what? queer rep."
neither ash nor red (presumably) cheat on each other when figure out their respective identities, and neither of them are really portrayed as promiscuous or super popular characters unlike brittany in glee or whomstever in euphoria. not that this is bad at all to be, and if people see themselves in those characters, then that's of course great!!! but having it in this way made me realise there's never been too much "kid-friendly" bi rep (luz from toh predating this by a couple of years), and i am so happy that we're now getting that
ashlyn being "nO I Just Like Her As A Friend" until the fireworks? iconic sapphic experience
her "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO IS MALE" is kinda an examination into comphet and that experience of. well. i've liked men in the past and this is a girl and it's not exactly identical but it's definitely not a friend thing was really relatable to me
and while it hasn't really been confirmed if she's a secular or religious jew (because unfortunately i don't know enough about judaism, sorry!!), it seems that at least a little part of her was struggling with the intersection between religion and queerness. and again, while that's not a lot of people, there are religious people in the queer community and that representation can be really helpful for people who want the best of both world
also??? lesbian (yes i am assuming madmad are lesbians BUT I COULD BE WRONG) AND bi AND gay men representation???? quality content right here.
that being said, there are some flaws. i didn't love how we didn't get to see her come out to her friends or big red. i get that the latter was an intimate moment, but like so was the rina kiss. she mentioned that her "dating pool has expanded" but it didn't seem like she had told anyone yet, until carlos showed up with a pride pin (king behaviour btw).
it seems like the in-universe show is going to out her??? maybe she ended up putting something in the confessionals but... idk the way it was edited was really confusing to me
actually yeah that's really it. i'm so confused about the timeline and people's coming outs. for example, i assumed that when ricky looked at ashlyn for confirmation and she nodded she already knew, but i've seen other people interpreting that scene as her finding out??? i personally would've liked some things to be spelt out more.
just let her have a one-liner next season like "I'm too hot and bisexual for this" it's not that hard???
while i would like redlyn to stay together, i understand that you can't always get what you want. IF they have an amicable break-up then i think that there are a lot of potential fun scenes there!!!
btw ricky bowen? not straight. no way. elton with his storyline may be harkening back to the og trilogy's "gay coded but...". gina and kourtney could be straight but i don't want them to be. and i would love it if there were some aro/ace/trans/enby representation with any new characters!!!
also rip to portwell shippers, congrats to rina shippers. good luck to both of you
#seriously if this season had come out like last year i would've come to terms with some things more quickly#anyway max one of these characters is straight#fight me#hsmtmts#or however many colons there are#bisexual#yes i use the bisexual tag bc of the pretty flag tag#redlyn#big red x ashlyn#ashlyn caswell#long post#big red#finally some good fucking bi content
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Benedict and Eloise are my queer coded babies and I can't stand they coupled them both to the opposite sex. They can be bi (I would love that for Benedict) but but, I'm pretty sure they won't even go for that. I want Eloise to meet a cute girlie yk��😭
You read my mind SO WELL, Liyah
I suffer every time they give Benedict another woman as a love interest and I am DEADLY afraid of season 3 because, if they are to follow the book order, it's going to focus on Benedict and he's gonna have yet another woman, which is, at this point and especially after whatever the fuck his very confusing arc of dealing with the underground queer society of London was, is ridiculous. He was obviously interested in what was going on and they just cut that entirely (#MakeBenedictBiAgain). Frankly, when he went to the academy I thought: NOW THERE IS IT, the all-men school gay awakening he needs! Alas, somehow, he found the only woman available in the entire place and managed to shag her, I- Unbelievable.
And yes, ELOISE, BY THE LORDS!!! I do find her and Theo very cute but I genuinely think it's because the actors are so good (not saying Luke and his female co-stars are shit, far from it, I just think he, particularly, is not buying the straight agenda either. but I digress) I would like to see her being portrayed as an aro. Alternatively, as lesbian, maybe somewhere on the ace spectrum. I think it could be interesting. She's such a good character as is, making her have a romantic plotline all of a sudden when you already have so much romance going on... It's kinda tiring, especially considering her arc was much more about the world itself and the condition she is put in rather than love. Not to say, of course, that a woman cannot be in love AND be a feminist but making her have a traditional "falling in love with a white man" romance makes her arc seem a little pointless.
I still have a little hope for them, there's a chance next season might be about Pen and Colin and so they'll have time to build all this up or they might actually just fuck around and change Benedict's love interest to a man, who knows... But the way this seems to be going... Idk, I felt this season that they screwed both of them up because they were too worried about Colin and Pen (which I don't really get, they could've co-existed). Suddenly, El was nothing but a girlie in love (when they introduced a WHOLE FUCKING REVOLUTIONARY WOMEN'S RIGHTS GROUP) and Benedict was thrown all over the place whenever they needed a character to be there and fill the space which was a shame (I mean, him being high was hilarious but it DOES NOT solve everything). =/
Anyways, I've rambled too much already, I believe. There's not much we can do, really, but hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Let us pray, my dearest fellow bisexual, let us pray ksksksksksk
#Liyah#Bridgerton#bridgerton season 2#bridgerton season two#bridgerton season 1#bridgerton season one#bridgerton spoilers
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Hello fellow ace Internet friend!! I wonder if you could answer this question i have!
I've considered myself ace since I was at least 13, yet I still get crushes on guys. Guys I can't have, mostly. (Markipliercough) But if guys irl ever approached me randomly, I freak out. Its happened a couple times, but not a lot. Maybe I don't consider myself attractive, so thats why I push people away. Its why I think I might also be Demisexual, since once I get emotionally attracted, I start to like a guy. But then I say I like to get girl crushes too. But I just don't get relationships at all, even familial ones. Any advice? 🤔 sorry for the rant! Hope you're having a good day! 😁
@britkunoichi92 Firstly a crush on Mark is totally understandable 😁 Also please let me know if you'd prefer I send my responses to you in a message to you if having your personal feelings posted like this through the ask system makes you AT ALL uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel like I'm sharing your feelings with the world if that's not what your okay with👍. I also definitely get the whole freaking out when guys or girls approach irl too. It always seems so awkward, I find that if someone just approaches me that way, if I don't know them, that it doesn't tend to go well as I prefer to know, or at least have some idea of who they are first. That is usually more difficult to achieve because a lot of non-ace or aro people who are attracted or interested tend to approach and move directly into the flirting stage which can be really uncomfortable. I think your reactions make sense because as an ace who leans towards demisexuality I feel like this too. I think if you want to pursue relationships then you should do what makes you the most comfortable and if that, for you, is friendship first then that's great! While pushing your comfort zone can sometimes be good for growth, making yourself entirely uncomfortable will just continue to give you negative feelings on the whole relationship process. Just remember that how you feel is valid and you should respect how you feel AT LEAST as much as you respect other people's feelings. As for the familial feelings if you mean people's desires to start families I'm afraid I'm not the best help there as I'll never understand someone's desire to have children lol. Maybe it's just an only child thing on my end but I have zero interest in having children and never have. When I was younger people used to tell me I'd change my mind, well I'm 29 now and it ain't changing!! LOL! If in terms of family relationships you meant like your actual current family (parents, siblings, and such) then let me tell you that DNA isn't enough reason to love someone. When it comes to family relationships you honestly have to treat them with the same boundaries you do with other relationships. If they make you uncomfortable, or if they hurt you or put you down then being related doesn't matter. All relationships are a two way street even family ones. It's ok to create your own family with friends and people who mean a lot to you. It's also ok if you have to establish boundaries with people you are related to if they don't make you feel comfortable or loved. Idk how much any of what I said helps but I hope it makes you feel better in some way!😄
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I think what the person meant by aroace and bi was a bi-oriented aroace.
Oriented aroace is aroace but the other types of attraction besides sexual and romantic are there and like a sexuality in a way. Like I'm ace but I still say I'm gay bc not only do I have romantic attraction to only men, but I also have aesthetic, sensual, ect attraction towards only men as well
So that persons attractions (besides sexual and romo) are oriented in a bi way
Idk if that made sense but I hope it helped
Ohhhh I see!
I just find it very confusing because personally I am able to divide attraction into 4 or 5 different ones: sexual, romantic, sensual and aesthetic. Of which I myself only experience aesthetic regardless of gender which is why I sometimes might use the word "pan-aesthetic" even. And then there is the fifth one aka platonic attraction which I still don't really understand what it means or feels like. I might be aplatonic too.
So when a term has the word -sexual attached to it, I immediately imagine it also means _sexual attraction which is why I find/found it so confusing because asexuality is the lack (or very small amount) of sexual attraction, so how can one feel and not feel sexual attraction at the same time? Unless their sexuality just is fluid, but I am not sure if there's also a word for that. Actually, I think there's yet another term even in the asexual/aromantic spectrums for this, but I have never heard anyone being both at the exact same time.
I have heard of the -oriented terms before, tho, and have seen people using them, too. They do make somewhat sense but at the same time not (for me, at least), unless it's someone who's maybe demi or greyace, as sometimes people also like to define their gender "preference" (if it's the right word) with these.
More about my personal experiences under the cut ↓↓↓
I guess my own asexuality and aromanticism just are so black&white for me that I find it really confusing when I see posts and terms where these things are basically all over the place. It's so difficult to put them in order in my head when my own order is way different and much "simpler". I cannot even compare sexual and romantic attraction with each other because I don't experience either at all. It's like trying to imagine something that simply does not exist at all.
I also don't experience sensual attraction because I'm touch-repulsed, but I can imagine that it probably feels a bit same as when I see a picture of a tiger and have an urge to pet. Aesthetic is just the urge to "stare", for me. Bit like sometimes I wanna stare at the orange SALE tags because they are so pretty and bright color it almost hurts my eyes. (Ummmm why do I have the sensual and aesthetic urge to do only things that could either kill me or then hurt my eyes??? ::D)
And platonic attraction makes maybe even the less sense for me of these all, especially because I understood that it and "platonic love" are quite far from each other. Or not far, but not linked the same way as e.g. romantic love and romantic attraction are to each other. There are also several different descriptions for platonic attraction, depending on whom you're asking from. But being aplatonic does not mean that one does not want to have friends, that much I know.
This is why I sometimes use the label "loveless aro" but I don't know if there's much or any difference between aplatonic and loveless aro, so I often use them both interchangeably cos I forget which one I like more :DD And whenever I'm confused by platonic attraction, I use 'loveless aro', and whenever I'm confused by loveless aros, then I use aplatonic... simple, but not really... :D
So basically if I was put mine as a list, it would look like this:
Asexual
Aromantic
Asensual
Pan-aesthetic
+ Aplatonic and/or loveless aro.
What I prefer to do is to just stop at that aesthetic/platonic state, and I don't want to start chopping these identities into microlabels inside microlabels as, personally, I don't feel like it serves any purpose for myself. Only exception being that loveless aro one, as it's main idea is that "love is not what makes us human" and it makes me feel better on those days when I start worrying about what if I am a psychopath for not feeling/understanding even platonic emotions.
And then of course I also use the terms sex-repulsed, romance-repulsed and touch-repulsed, but I don't think these have to be tied only to aspec identities. Especially touch-repulsion can simply be just a trauma related. I find it also highly unlikely that every single allosexual is "sex-favorable" even when they experience sexual attraction.
This is actually something I was already so annoyed by even back then when I found out about asexuality for the first time when I was 16 or 17 (it was in 2008), it annoyed me so much that being not-ace automatically meant (or still means) that every allo is sex-favorable.
Back then, asexuality also basically meant only these two: aromanticism + sex-repulsion. At least that's how it was understood in my country back in the day, or at least I understood it that way, as no one talked about romantic orientations yet.
I learnt about romantic orientations a few years later and finally things made even more sense - as for a moment I kept calling myself as "asexual bi". But turns out I was just aroace with ADHD and having people-hyperfixations on online friends! :D
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Since it's pride month, can I ask you what your headcanons are for everyones orientation in Providence? It's not something I can really see coming up in-story, but I'm curious nonetheless. :3
Hoo boy, anon, my answer to this is probably a lot more complex and in-depth than you were expecting, so BUCKLE UP Y’ALL LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION IN SOLDIER
(Note: I’m only going to talk about the original Compilation material for this, since that’s what TFA was written from and that’s what I’m writing Providence from.
Also all of my headcanons are colored by the fact that I am hella aro/ace myself so all flavors of allo are ??? to me)
First off, major credit to @ageofzero, who got me started down this headcanon path. The short version of their original headcanon is that SOLDIERs lose their sex drives due to the mako treatments, Jenova cells, and intense physical training regimen. After all, mako poisoning is a known Thing, and Jenova is a bizarre alien with no known gender (the original Japanese game never refers to her with any gender, and it’s strongly implied that her commonly-known feminine form is a shape she adopted to get close to the Cetra. Sephiroth only calls her “Mother” because Hojo lied to him that Jenova was his mother).
I find this idea fascinating, and think it makes a lot of sense. Of the SOLDIERs we meet, only Zack seems to have any interest in forming romantic bonds with anyone, and even his relationship with Aerith is remarkably chaste. It’s impossible to know whether this is due to an actual intent to depict a chaste romantic relationship, needing to keep the games at a family-friendly rating, cultural differences between Japan and America in terms of how romantic and sexual affection are shown (especially in the 90s), the limitations of the game engine in terms of having the characters physically interact, or some combination of the above, but the result is that the canon we are shown does not include anything approaching a sexual relationship between two characters.*
Given all that, and given the unsettling implications you find if you so much as scratch the surface of ShinRa’s human experimentation**, I think it’s eminently reasonable to believe that however they might have started life, SOLDIERs no longer have sex drives or sexual desire. Which is all an incredibly long-winded way of saying, I headcanon all the SOLDIERs as some flavor of asexual:
Sephiroth: Extremely aro/ace. I’ve talked before about how I think he sees people and relationships differently than humans do, and that extends to romance and sex. I’m not even sure “aro/ace” is the right label for him under those circumstances, but it’s close enough.
Genesis: Ace, bi- or homoromantic. TFA and its non-canon side pieces suggest Genesis is romantically interested in Cloud (which I’ve been carrying into Providence), and we have no idea if he’s ever been romantically interested in anyone else.
Angeal: Ace, probably either aro or heteroromantic. Like Genesis, we never see him express romantic interest in anyone, but it’s possible he does off-screen.
Zack: Probably would have been bi or poly if he wasn’t in SOLDIER; as is, ace and bi- or poly-romantic. (but really only has eyes for Aerith)
Kunsel: Ace, maybe demi-romantic? He’s eighteen in Providence and has been focused on rising through the SOLDIER ranks; I don’t think he himself knows for sure.
Cloud: A bit of an outlier because I headcanon that he would have been aro/ace even if he hadn’t gotten the mako/Jenova treatments. At no point in any of the original game or greater Compilation does he express romantic or sexual interest in anyone. He cares deeply about Aerith and Tifa both, but at no point says or does anything to suggest that it’s romantic or sexual in nature. Tifa occasionally says things which imply she sees her relationship with Cloud that way, but he never responds in kind. At best, his childhood interest in her could be a bit of a puppy crush, but that doesn’t rule out aro/ace Cloud since so many aro/aces do experience puppy crushes or squishes that aren’t sexual/romantic in nature. Or it could be as simple as, Tifa was the popular kid and Cloud was the outcast kid, and he was interested in her because if she was friends with him, then maybe he wouldn’t be an outcast anymore. (I lied, I’m going to talk about the Remake for a second because I’m intrigued that it appears to have doubled down hard on ace!Cloud, to the point where a lot of people have said “I don’t normally have ace headcanons, but Remake!Cloud is ace”. He’s either completely oblivious to, or visibly uncomfortable with, half the cast wanting to get into his pants. Even when Aerith warns him not to fall in love with her, his objection is to her telling him what to do yet again rather than anything about his actual feelings.)
Noctis: I realized as I was writing this post that I also headcanon Noctis as ace and probably aro- or demi-romantic. Like Cloud, we never see him express romantic or sexual interest toward anyone, which is notable given that he’s supposed to be marrying Lunafreya. He certainly seems to care deeply about her, but - like Cloud and Tifa/Aerith - his affection can be easily read as a close childhood friendship, and depending on which answers you give in the notebook choices, can canonically be brusque and uninterested. He’s also visibly uncomfortable with Gladio’s flirting (with other people) and Iris’s flirting (with Noct himself). Since we do see Gladio flirting, pretty brazenly sometimes, and we hear Prompto chatter about his crush on Cindy, Noct’s silence on the matter is telling. (He also throws an interesting wrench into the works around the SOLDIER castration headcanon, since he did get the treatments but they affected him very differently than everyone else. But I can’t say too much else there without venturing into spoiler territory.)
So anyway hi, my name is Sanity and I have a lot of ace headcanons. ^_^;
* The closest we get is the scene near the end of the original game, with Cloud and Tifa under the Highwind before the final battle. The scene itself is, again, remarkably chaste. Depending on your Affection value with Tifa, it’s not even all that romantic; it reads mostly like two friends who have been through a lot together. The few lines that do shade toward romance all come from Tifa herself, not Cloud. Also, what Tifa says the next morning on the Highwind changes depending on whether or not your Affection value is high enough; if yes, she asks the others, “Were you watching?” and if no, she asks, “Were you listening?”. So it’s possible to get a canon path which suggests Tifa and Cloud did something she didn’t want the others watching, but 1) that still leaves a lot of room for interpretation, and 2) it’s equally possible to get a canon path which suggests nothing happened at all.
** I’m just going to quote @ageofzero here because they put it best: “It might've been an unintended side-effect, of course, but idk how anyone could've thought 'let's put Mako inside human beings' when everyone knows what a powerful burning energy source Mako is and what the hell that might do inside a human when people have likely already suffered Mako poisoning from building Midgar/the reactors. And also considering that Mako is a 'refining' of Lifestream that basically strips away all the benefits of Life within it, there's no way it's not some kind of reproduction dampening substance, among many other negative consequences. [...] ESPECIALLY since a lot of SOLDIERs probably start out in their teen years (Zack, and Cloud's attempt). They're still developing humans, and who knows what effects Mako has on someone who's still passing through adolescence???? Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth are all even worse off because they were babies when they were made prototype experiments for the SOLDIER method. [...] I can't imagine mako doing anything but turning the body into a weird toxic mess even if it is controlled and regulated so they don't suffer the loss of their mind. And what the hell does it do to SOLDIERs on a DNA level?? With how much mako (and Jenova cells) there is in their body, it could turn body fluids into burning/glowing/toxic substances. All body fluids. Or at the very least make it Not Good to be exposed to said fluids, if they're not directly toxic/mako-infused. It might very well be the brain turning off reproductive desires bc SOLDIERs are a biological dead end by the time they're strong enough to be considered SOLDIER. What a chilling concept (also hello I like thinking about weird biology).”
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🎰 (I'm Required)
randomly generated dynamics // accepting // @voiceofmany
So uh. I doubled up because I started generating an extra few and then went fuck it, let’s do ten, my wife deserves all the ships.
1. Ramona Flowers and Giselle Legume
Okay so, Giselle never gets enough love and she’d probably think Ramona is too cool to even look at her but they’ve got a lot of potential. Firstly, aro-spec vs. ace-spec. Always fun for a dynamic. And Ramona has this way of attracting outcasts and people on the fringes and Giselle is definitely a bit of a loner. Idk about specifics but I’m into it! Unsurprising, I’m into all of our ships but, I digress.
2. Roger Davies and Katherine Plumber
Oh man….Oh Dove, Kath would absolutely eat Roger alive. I can never truly decide if Kath is a Ravenclaw with Slytherin tendencies or vice versa but either way, she’d be this sort of untouchable, dream goal for our sweet boy and it would be a long, painful road for either of them to truly be happy with each other. But this could be, if nothing else, a fascinating friendship. (But…….cmon, I know us, we’ll ship anything.)
3. Robbie Windsor and Gianfranco “Frankie” Kowaski
Grazi’s off pouting somewhere, smh. But honestly Frankie deserves to be sugared just as much as Grazi does and Robbie deserves more boyfriends. Plus, Frankie is better at expressing himself than Grazi so they’d be able to communicate a little more effectively, lmao.
4. Basil Krause and Wednesday Addams
Oh, we love a sunshine/rain cloud ship. I don’t have fully fleshed out adult verses for Wednesday yet but just the sheer difference in dynamics is golden. And honestly? Weds gravitates towards nerds and people on the fringes so this could be a lot of fun.
4.5 Jack Kelly and Katherine Plumber
I don’t do the same muse twice in one of these memes but shout out to Jatherine for being adorable.
5. Percy Weasley and Juliet Capulet
Honestly, Juliet and Percy could be really fun? A lot more like Percy and Penelope than Percy and Harriet. Juliet often finds herself opening up to people intellectually far easier than anything else? It’d probably be a lot of mixed signals, a lot of confusing feelings, and a lot of slow burn.
6. Wallace Wells and Oliver “Mush” Meyers
I cry, please, this is so good. Wallace is just so unashamedly sarcastic and playful and Mush would adore that? And draw a lot of inspiration and courage from that? Not that Mush hides his personality, he’s just so used to being likable and so sometimes, he sugarcoats his feelings while Wallace absolutely does not.
7. Angelina Johnson and Sara Lance
BI QUIDDITCH LADIES, BI QUIDDITCH LADIES. I haven’t done anything with Sara’s HP verse on this blog, all her info is on her old solo blog. But she’s the other beater on the Slytherin team (presuming she’s on the team with Harriet) so 1. house rivalries, and 2. bi quidditch ladies. Angie deserves a girlfriend and Sara deserves more girlfriends.
8. Miguel Ferrera and Megara Olympia
I don’t have a solid modern verse for Meg yet but I think they’d be really interesting to bounce over each other? Meg’s so sarcastic and teasing, they’d have a lot of fun flirting and dancing around anything serious. Maybe Hades is some sort of crime boss that Meg’s been blackmailed into working for and Miguel helps her get out? Who knows, I just know I’m kind of into it.
9. Vishnal Naidu and Veronica Lodge
Butler and rich girl! Hell yeah! They could be a lot of fun because Vishnal just seems so utterly baby that Veronica has to take him under her wing and teach him, even while he’s technically supposed to be serving her. Good shit.
9.5 Jack Harkness and Harriet Hook
The generator says we did a good job, throwing Harriet and Jack, lmao
9.6 Benjamin “Racetrack” Higgins and Albert Dasilva
The universe decrees we need more ralbert, apparently
10. Calvin Sakda and Allegra D’Angelo
Okay so, I’m kind of stealing this from her ship with my friend’s muse but please consider: Calvin is like forever traveling but there’s this one radio show - or, more likely, probably a podcast - that he listens to a lot. And he’s really into it, finds comfort in it, probably considers the host a real friend, even though they’ve never met. And now imagine them meeting, somehow. Idk! But I’m into it! Allegra needs more ships tbh
#messages#voiceofmany#i'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color (ooc)#((AS USUAL I LOVE THEM ALL#ALL THE SHIPS FOR MY WIFE))
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Thanks for answering my question on romantic relationship :) I'm kinda happy that I'm not alone on not knowing hahah It's too much of an abstract and subjective concept! I can't seem figure out a label that fits me yet. I am in a romantic relationship, tho I enjoy (moderate) romantic expression (kissing, holding hands, whatnot) with this particular person (it makes her happy, thus makes me happy), I don't actively desire to be in one. Maybe some sort of demiromanticism, idk yet. (1) -R
A bit of venting now, I must say that for a while I sent a lot of questions here and constantly checked your social media. I'm so sorry if this creeps you out, but I finally made sense of it and I felt that I should "come clean" (I sound like a stalker lol not that bad). You and Alex J. helped me figure out so much about myself. (2) -RI'm 23 yo this year and things just started to click. You introduced me to ace/aro spectrums, both of you helped me get rid of my internalized transphobia and even realize that I might be trans. The sad part I'm still coming to terms with is that at the moment, even tho dysphoria kicks my ass a lot of the time, I might never come out or transition. I live in the western country with the highest murder rate for trans ppl, had a horrible experience coming out as a lesbian/bi to my parents (3) -RAnd tho I believe my gf (now fiancée!) would be fine with it, a transition rn could strain our relationship beyond what we can handle. She lives in the US and we see each other only a few times a year, hidden from her family and part of my family. Sometimes I feel like going AWOL, starting a new life and transitioning to a more comfortable me. (4) -RI don't really have someone to talk to about this. For a while I checked on you so much, and only now I realize this borderline stalking is because all of this period of "coming to terms" with my own life made me look up to both of you a lot. You never cease to inspire me. Maybe sometime we'll meet, maybe I'll finally transition, who knows? Well, for now I apologize (for being such a creep 🙈) and thank you, Jonah (& Alex!). I'll be forever grateful that you helped me accept myself! (5) -R
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful and kind message. It means a lot to me that you would take so much time to send me such a lengthy, heartfelt message.
It honestly makes me feel so good that my transition and story as far as sexual/romantic orientation goes, were of some help to you. That’s what I always hope for when I share my experiences-- that it will help someone out there who feels alone in the same feeling.
It breaks my heart to hear your story and know that you may not be able to transition. I understand your circumstances, and I admire your strength. Truth be told, I don’t know if I would’ve made it if I hadn’t been able to transition. Life was really difficult before I transitioned, so I really give you so much credit for dealing with that, knowing you may never see a brighter day. I do truly hope that one day you WILL be able to have the opportunity and a safe environment to transition and feel more comfortable in yourself. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must be.
I wouldn’t want to try to give you advice for the situation you’re in because I’ve never faced the same issues you’re facing. But what I can say is that life works in very mysterious ways, and some times the things you want/need find their way into your life in the most surprising ways. Don’t lose hope, my friend. You are so strong, and one day you will be able to find peace. I know it in my heart.
Nonetheless, I am so honored that my story gave you some peace with yourself and helped you to accept who you are. You are wonderful, valid, and incredibly strong. I am sending you so so much love.
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I posted 51 times in 2021
22 posts created (43%)
29 posts reblogged (57%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 1.3 posts.
I added 41 tags in 2021
#asexual - 9 posts
#asexuality - 6 posts
#art - 4 posts
#ace week - 4 posts
#loki - 3 posts
#halloween - 3 posts
#harry potter - 3 posts
#batman - 3 posts
#lgbtq - 3 posts
#sanders sides - 3 posts
Longest Tag: 68 characters
#and they said oh btw i broke up wit my boyfriend and changed my hair
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
Hello fellow ace Internet friend!! I wonder if you could answer this question i have!
I've considered myself ace since I was at least 13, yet I still get crushes on guys. Guys I can't have, mostly. (Markipliercough) But if guys irl ever approached me randomly, I freak out. Its happened a couple times, but not a lot. Maybe I don't consider myself attractive, so thats why I push people away. Its why I think I might also be Demisexual, since once I get emotionally attracted, I start to like a guy. But then I say I like to get girl crushes too. But I just don't get relationships at all, even familial ones. Any advice? 🤔 sorry for the rant! Hope you're having a good day! 😁
@britkunoichi92 Firstly a crush on Mark is totally understandable 😁 Also please let me know if you'd prefer I send my responses to you in a message to you if having your personal feelings posted like this through the ask system makes you AT ALL uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel like I'm sharing your feelings with the world if that's not what your okay with👍. I also definitely get the whole freaking out when guys or girls approach irl too. It always seems so awkward, I find that if someone just approaches me that way, if I don't know them, that it doesn't tend to go well as I prefer to know, or at least have some idea of who they are first. That is usually more difficult to achieve because a lot of non-ace or aro people who are attracted or interested tend to approach and move directly into the flirting stage which can be really uncomfortable. I think your reactions make sense because as an ace who leans towards demisexuality I feel like this too. I think if you want to pursue relationships then you should do what makes you the most comfortable and if that, for you, is friendship first then that's great! While pushing your comfort zone can sometimes be good for growth, making yourself entirely uncomfortable will just continue to give you negative feelings on the whole relationship process. Just remember that how you feel is valid and you should respect how you feel AT LEAST as much as you respect other people's feelings. As for the familial feelings if you mean people's desires to start families I'm afraid I'm not the best help there as I'll never understand someone's desire to have children lol. Maybe it's just an only child thing on my end but I have zero interest in having children and never have. When I was younger people used to tell me I'd change my mind, well I'm 29 now and it ain't changing!! LOL! If in terms of family relationships you meant like your actual current family (parents, siblings, and such) then let me tell you that DNA isn't enough reason to love someone. When it comes to family relationships you honestly have to treat them with the same boundaries you do with other relationships. If they make you uncomfortable, or if they hurt you or put you down then being related doesn't matter. All relationships are a two way street even family ones. It's ok to create your own family with friends and people who mean a lot to you. It's also ok if you have to establish boundaries with people you are related to if they don't make you feel comfortable or loved. Idk how much any of what I said helps but I hope it makes you feel better in some way!😄
6 notes • Posted 2021-10-16 14:46:12 GMT
#4
Spotted the markings of my favorite Æsir at Epcot today!
7 notes • Posted 2021-08-10 23:21:32 GMT
#3
It's 1:30am and I'm standing in my kitchen eating cold, leftover Chili's fries and reading Batman fanfiction after working on a 14 page rough draft for an essay for too many hours. Life is weird
8 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 05:39:57 GMT
#2
How on earth are other asexuals meeting other aces?? How are y'all meeting each other?? How do I meet fellow aces?? What are your secrets!!
19 notes • Posted 2021-08-10 01:50:18 GMT
#1
So....some people on the asexuality spectrum have figured out how to find supportive and loving partners and I'd very much like to know the secret to that. Like please share your wisdom. What are your secrets?! Who did you sell your soul to?! And would they want mine?!?!
20 notes • Posted 2021-09-21 02:25:57 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →
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