#because I’ve not liked men in like 5+ years and if ur chill ur just chill if ur like

[happy10thousandyears]

Also like w the amount of yuri I’ve drawn u would ve thought I’m immune to exclu bullshit but man.

[szivtalan]

character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur  like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

[theres-a-goldensky]

16 + 2 Reddie Fic Recs pt. 2

I’m back and still on my Bill Hader bullshit, so here’s another round of Reddie fic recs, because I can’t stop reading and sometimes sifting through the insane amounts of fic is a nightmare. So if you feel my pain and need some (at least in my opinion) fun stories, then come along with me on a magical journey filled with men crying during sex, hypochondria, and your mom jokes.

As ever, feel free to reblog and check out my other rec lists for the following fandoms:

IT chapter 2 list part one - Reddie

Good Omens fic 

The Untamed list one and two - various pairings, mostly Wangxian

Various BL Series fic (fandoms: Love By Chance, TharnType, 2Moons series, My Engineer, Until We Meet Again, 2gether, History3: Trapped)

Or just head over to my bookmarks on AO3.

All my recs are completed, almost all of them are post-It chapter 2. * - denotes a favorite

1. I killed a clown. AMA! by liesmyth - ~10,000 words, teen - The history of Eddie and Myra’s marriage shown through their posts on reddit. The voices here are great, and it really feels like reading the reddit forums, down to the people sleuthing through their past posts and comments to try and figure out if what they’re saying is real or an elaborate troll.

 r/relationships

Posted by u/martymcfly6xo 7 months ago

 My (39F) husband (39M) likes horrible stand-up comedy. How can I stop him from bringing this up in front of our mutual friends?

For the last year or so my husband has been watching a lot of stand-up comedy on youtube. I want him to have something relaxing to do (he works a lot and gets really invested in his ‘hands-on’ hobbies in a way I’m not sure is good for him) but I was very puzzled by this discovery as he likes very crass acts and that is certainly not the kind of humor hubby usually enjoys...

2. all of the kids back home believing much more than you do by eatcheeseliveforever - ~11,000 words, explicit - This is a fix-it fic, which is becoming more and more rare in this fandom as we collectively started deciding that Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t need to be brought back to live, because he never died in the first place, dammit. It has some great pining by Richie. You can really feel his grief and desperation as he searches for a way to get Eddie back. The other Losers are great in this too, especially Mike with his whales.

"A boat, actually," murmured Mike.  "I'm on a whale-watching cruise."

Richie mouthed the words "whale watching cruise" to himself.  Empirically he knew such things existed, that they happened not far away from the coast where he lived, but it felt like several fucking galaxies away from where he was, surrounded by the ghosts of takeouts and blackouts past and the actual ghost-ghosts, who he couldn't step in or stub his toe on at three in the morning, but hurt so much worse.

"He said you've been googling resurrection rituals."

Richie scrounged through his pile of empties, hoping one wasn't.  "Bill talks too much."

"Richie."  A sigh, or a wave, or a really quiet whale.  "You're not going to find a resurrection ritual on Google."

"I've found hundreds," said Richie.  "Funny thing, though, they all seem to call for orgies.  Or virgin sacrifices.  Or sacrificing someone's virginity in an orgy.  I'm hoping Ben will volunteer as tribute."

3. * - you’ve got the answers to my confessions by QueerOnTilMorning - ~17,000 words, explicit - This is the good stuff right here. Richie accidentally sexts Eddie and Eddie is IN. TO. IT. This fic starts with excellent phone sex, there’s misunderstandings and confessions in the middle, and then it ends with super hot sex. There’s a brief part with karaoke that was a bit of a lull in the story, but doesn’t take away from how great the rest is.

     suck on ur tongue  

     show u how much I missd that mouth  

     when u start getting weak in the knees  

     thats when ill get on mine  

 He set the phone aside to unzip his pants, palming himself through his boxers, already half-hard.

 Then he froze.

 The text he had just replied to--it was what he'd expected Travis to say, but it wasn't how Travis would say it. That text began with a capital letter and contained punctuation. That text was from--

 "Oh, fuck, no," Richie whispered, and his phone rang.

 Incoming call: Eds

4. * -  L'Appel du Vide by Mackem - ~92,000 words, teen - I know, I know, almost 100k and no sex, but hear me out! The pining in this fic is so exquisitely beautiful and wrenching. Eddie’s POV is excellent and feels really spot on. The other Losers are well represented, especially Ben and Bev. In fact, the group dynamics here are almost as good as the relationship stuff. The later chapters bring in a subplot about the deadlights that I wasn’t that interested in, but it’s still done really, really well, and that’s only a side plot that doesn’t impact that exceptional story of Eddie and Richie figuring out how to stop being dummies.

Two messages, however, are from Stanley, sent to him privately. He opens them, and is met with a picture of Richie, apparently taken without him realising.

It shows him laughing, his eyes crinkled at the corners behind his glasses, and his smile bright and broad as a hand gestures wildly in the air. The other hand is in his hair, pushing it out of his eyes as he tilts his head back, displaying the line of his throat beneath his stubble.

The breath is punched from Eddie at the sight of it.

He stares at it for a long moment, surprised by the depth of his reaction. His stomach is swirling happily, a bubble of excitement growing at the pit, and he cannot help but feel a heated flush build at his cheeks.

It’s probably just because Richie looks like he’s enjoying himself. It’s good to see his friend having fun. That has to be it.

Then he reads Stan’s message.

Stan: He was talking about you. He does that a lot.

5. my love a beacon in the night - by zach_stone - ~4500 words, explicit - Richie is on the road doing shows through Christmas. His friends have a surprise for him. I know it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but it’s never the wrong time for a fluffy Christmas story imo.

 “Yep, just got to my hotel,” Richie says. “Now I’m getting ready for my big Christmas Eve plans.”

 Eddie snorts. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

 “Well according to my TV guide, they’re doing a rerun of The Mistletoe Promise, so I’m all fuckin’ set,” Richie says, grinning when Eddie laughs. On Eddie’s end of the line, he hears the sound of cars passing by, the muffled chatter of people, and says, “Are you outside?”

 “Huh? Oh, yeah,” Eddie says.

 Richie glances at the clock on the nightstand. It’s after ten; Eddie’s not one to be wandering around Times Square after dark. He frowns slightly. Eddie’s been unusually vague about his holiday plans, so Richie has no clue what he’s up to this evening. Not that it’s any of his business. Maybe he’s started seeing someone and is spending the holidays with them. Richie has a sudden image of Eddie, arm-in-arm with some generically pretty woman, taking in the lights and decorations around the city. It opens a pit in his stomach.

6. Coming Back and Coming Out: Richie Tozier's 2019 by Lunatical - ~2000 words, teen - I genuinely adore the mixed media fics that this fandom has spawned. This one is an excerpt from a magazine interview with Richie as he restarts his career.

Slouched on his couch in a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and torn-up jeans, Richie Tozier looks exactly like the manchild he is describing himself to be. Next to him, sitting up straight and dressed in a lovely suit that most people would consider appropriate for an interview, his husband rolls his eyes.

When we scheduled this interview, Tozier insisted we hold it at their house, citing a desire for the interview to be “as chill as possible”—in his own words, of course. He argued that seeing the two of them in their usual environment would help me get a better idea of the kind of relationship they have. After walking into their apartment and seeing the way they’ve decorated the place, I have to admit that I can understand why.

7. baby, there’s no other superstar by kaspbrakziers - ~7000 words, mature - Another mixed media fic that shows the progression of Richie and Eddie’s relationship and Richie’s career through tweets, texts, and interviews. Eddie not knowing how to turn off the capslock on his phone absolutely sent me.

Search history

Today Sunday, 13 November 2016

should i get a divorce? - Google Search

Unhappily Married: Should I get a divorce? - Yahoo Answers

10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over - Buzzfeed

how to divorce? - Google Search

How To File For Divorce (With Pictures) - wikiHow

how to divorce someone without them getting angry? – Google Search

can you divorce someone without telling them? - Google Search

8. Goes on Trips for the Scenery by InkandOwl - ~4500 words, teen - Eddie dies and then comes back to life and tries to get some perspective. I liked the conversations between Eddie and Richie and then way that Eddie starts to take care of himself. The end is really sweet.

If cosmic power and a literal alien space clown’s death wasn’t going to bring him back to life, Eddie was certain that the terrible pain of hearing Richie beg, his tears dropping onto Eddie’s face, probably would’ve done it. He feels sick just thinking about it. About what it all means. “Yeah, Rich, I will.” He could throw a jab at him, tell him something about eating like an adult for once, but he wants to be easy with him right now. Richie deserves it. “You’ll text, right?”

Richie looks down at the prepaid cricket phone in Eddie’s hand and laughs, “There’s no fucking way that thing gets texts.”

“It does.” Eddie grins, “You could call too.”

The fight drains from Richie, his shoulder slumping and he sighs, “Yeah, Eds, I’ll call.”

9. cause i'm about to blow that back out by thotgreeves - ~5000 words, explicit - Here, have some porn. Eddie wears lingerie and Richie loses his goddamn mind. Features submissive top Richie and his unending boner for Eddie.

Richie really should have learnt to never underestimate Eddie Kaspbrak by now. It had come close to killing Richie once, but Eddie might actually be trying to finish him off.

Because the other perk of always letting Eddie go ahead of him was that it gave Richie a prime view of Eddie's ass. Eddie knew about this part and was okay with it. He was wearing a high-waisted pair of slacks that Richie was pretty sure came from the women's section, slightly loose in the legs but nicely filled out by his ass. Richie had been very vocal in the past about how hot they got him, which signaled that Eddie definitely wanted to have sex tonight, and that was already enough to make Richie's dick twitch in excitement. He hadn't been prepared for the finishing blow.

Richie's eyes were fixed, pendulum-like, on how Eddie's slacks were hugging his butt perfectly with every step he took, tight enough to show off the outline of his underwear. Only the folds didn't sit where Richie had expected them to. Instead, Richie realized, his mouth going dry, that in the absence of boxers, there was only a V-shaped crease running from Eddie's hips to between his asscheeks, which could only mean-

Eddie was wearing a thong.

10. * - I’ll Be Homo For Christmas by Amuly - ~15,000 words, explicit - Bill and Audra get a divorce, so Bill moves into Richie’s house with him. Eddie, watching all of this from New York, where he’s still married to Myra, is super, super ok and fine with it in every way.

Except then Richie started posting.

Just stupid shit, mostly with Bill. It wasn’t even real. Eddie knew Bill wasn’t gay and him and Richie were just fucking around ‘for the ‘gram!’ But the more posts Eddie scrolled past on Richie’s Instagram—

 Bill in the kitchen swatting at Richie with a spatula.

 Richie and Bill at the pound, Richie rating dogs on adoptability, Richie begging Bill to adopt a dog with him.

 Richie in the morning with bedhead, smiling blearily into the camera as Bill…

Well. Eddie couldn’t even remember what stupid thing Bill was supposed to be doing in the background of that photo because his eyes couldn’t get past Richie’s bedhead and shirtless torso, chest hairs creeping up towards his collarbones and the little dip at the base of his throat.

Eddie hadn’t thought he was homophobic. But he must have some unresolved issues with it, because he got a stomachache every time he looked at that photo of Richie. Eddie popped a Tums and resolved to talk about it with his therapist.

11. A High-Five is a Hug You Can Hit by Amuly - ~26,000 words, explicit - This fic shows us times throughout their friendship when Eddie and Richie would invent reasons to touch each other without even knowing why. This author feels the same bone deep conviction about Richie crying during sex that I do, and I greatly appreciate that. Plus, all of their stories are fantastic, including this one.

“You know, one of the symptoms of hypothermia is feeling like you’re warm. So like, your body gets so cold that it gets hot, and then you start taking off your clothes-”

“Bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Eddie?” Richie shot back at him without turning around.

“Why don’t you ask your sister how much she liked it last week!” Eddie hollered up at him. Richie just flipped him off without looking. That kinda… bugged Eddie. What the fuck did Richie think he was doing leading up the group with Bill? Why was he stuck back here with Stan? Eddie glanced over at Stan, who was trudging tiredly through the woods alongside him, breath puffing out in little clouds of smoke.

“Okay, Stan?”

Stan glanced over at him, confused. Then he shrugged. “Yeah, fine. Cold.”

“Well that’s better than feeling warm.” And now Eddie was back on track. “Because, if anyone starts feeling warm, they should tell the others immediately. That’s a sign of hypothermia. And we have to warm you up. But you have to do it gradually, you can’t just jump in like, a pot of boiling water-”

12. * - fall apart of stay intact by kaspbrak_kid - ~19,000 words, teen - A more melancholy take on the Christmas fic. This story takes Richie’s self-esteem issues and mental problems and amps them up in a way that feels entirely realistic. The gang comes together to celebrate Christmas, and everyone is walking on eggshells because last Christmas was a bad one for Richie. Also, Eddie moves into the house literally right next to Richie’s, and I find that detail endlessly charming.

“Five minutes ago. I called you, and you didn’t answer. Because you were outside, apparently, fucking...stargazing in December! With no hat on!”

“It’s about the Vitamin D!” Richie says. Now that he’s moved a little, he can really feel the cold—his ears are aching, and his face is numb. “Reflecting off the moon, or something. I have seasonal depression, you know!”

“You have seasonal stupidity,” Eddie mutters, audibly rubbing his hands together. “Just get inside.”

“Yours or mine?” Richie jokes.

Eddie doesn’t get the memo. “Mine, obviously. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

“Oh,” Richie says, and sits up. “Um. Okay, be right there.”

“Oh, thank god,” Eddie says, and hightails it to his back door, cursing about the cold.

13. evidence of a happier future by lagaudiere - 23,000 words, mature - I am here, leading the Jealous!Eddie revolution. Why aren’t there more fics about this. Have you SEEN Eddie Kaspbrak, can you IMAGINE him jealous? Make this happen, fandom. Anyway, in this one, Richie has a boyfriend back in LA. Eddie has trouble dealing with that as he tries to figure himself out and pick up the pieces of his life post-Derry.

“It’s not gonna be like Mike’s announcement, don’t worry,” Richie says hastily. “And it’s not like, a huge thing, so don’t make it a huge thing. But you guys are like, my best friends, and I just wanted you to know that I’m, uh. Gay.”

He turns up his palms and raises his eyebrows in a gesture that suggests a magician presenting his audience with an empty hat after making the rabbit disappear, and Eddie says, “Are you joking?”

“What? Jesus, no, Eddie.” Richie’s face falls, and Eddie instantly feels guilty. “I’m trying to be sincere here.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says immediately, feeling all of their friends looking at him with reproach. “I was just — if you weren’t, I wouldn’t think you should… joke about it.”

“Well, I am,” Richie says. He sounds slightly put out — and who wouldn’t be, Eddie scolds himself, by that ridiculous response. “I have all the gay credientials. I have a boyfriend, partner, whatever people say. I don’t really tell people because of the whole, stage persona, thing. But yeah.”

“Richie!” Bev’s voice breaks through the awkwardness, and she reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thank you for telling us. Really.”

And the others all join in, a chorus of voices telling Richie they love him and they’re proud of him, and Ben is saying, “I wanna see a picture of the guy!” and Eddie’s throat feels like it’s closing up.

14. The ‘Do Not Fucking Touch Me’ Tour by MellytheHun - ~23,000 words, explicit - It’s Richie’s comeback special, and he makes it a big one. This...isn’t really a comedy show, but the author lampshades that. It’s an excuse to have Richie talk about how much he loves each of his friends individually, and it’s extremely entertaining. Richie doesn’t know that Eddie is in the audience watching it all.

“Hey, uhm… Eddie… he couldn’t reschedule his thing? He - I mean... it… it was really that important?”

She feels awful for him immediately, but not wanting to spoil what would ultimately be a lovely surprise, she tells him, “I’m sorry, Rich. He said it was urgent. He was really sorry about it.”

Her phone buzzes with a text from Eddie right as Richie curses under his breath, missing the noise. She clutches her phone more tightly in her fist, knowing Eddie is wondering where his seat is going to be; she bought him a separate ticket, elsewhere in the theatre, so Richie wouldn’t catch him sitting among them, as he will absolutely, inevitably look over to the Losers for most of the show.

“Okay,” Richie surrenders sadly, “Uh - I guess he’ll see it eventually, right?”

Smiling forlornly at him, she pats his arm, and tells him, “don’t worry, Richie. Your genius will inevitably be forced upon us all.”

He smiles at her, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and when Bill jokingly asks why he didn’t get one, Richie flips him off, and reminds them to treat themselves to the bar in the lobby.

Once he’s backstage, Beverly takes her phone out, and emails Eddie his ticket, explains that she’s already convinced Richie he’s not coming, and to make sure he doesn’t show up too early, or Richie will notice.

15. The List by cissues - ~7000 words, teen - Eddie finds a list he wrote as a teenager. Richie tries his best to fulfill them all. This is very sweet.

‘ All the things I want. Everything I’m not allowed to have. A perfect summer. ”

The words hit gentler than he thought they would, but they still hit and he finds himself blinking away at a wetness at the corner of his eye. He wipes at it and sniffles and Richie peers sidelong at him to make sure he’s okay. He is, he’s fine, and Richie never dotes on him when things are, generally, okay. Only when he needs it, which is one of the many things he loves about what they have now.

“This is… this is like a fucking  bucket list  for the most repressed child in the world.” Richie says, breathless.

Eddie rolls his eyes to hide the sting. “You’re looking at him,” he says, bitter. Richie frowns at him but turns back to the paper. Another thing Eddie loves, Richie never takes his trauma-induced bait. His knee-jerk reactions developed over years of what he’s now comfortable enough to call abuse.

16. Richie Tozier Answers the Web's Most Searched Questions by DeadpanMage - ~2000 words, teen - This is a short one, but the transcript of this popular YT video format with Richie felt spot on in terms of characterization and Richie’s voice.

[Back to the text screen: “So WIRED asked Richie Tozier some of the internet’s burning questions.” Cut back to Richie, now holding a poster board with several Google autocomplete searches half covered.]

Richie: I’ve undergone something of a rebranding in the past year, so I wonder how many of these questions are going to be super irrelevant-slash-embarrassing. Probably all of them. Let’s get started! [He tears the covering off of the first question.] Alright, that’s not bad. “How to pronounce Richie Tozier?” Well, we’re only on question one and I’ve already said it like a hundred times so there you go. And that’s “Richie Tozier” spelled J-O-H-N M-U-L-A-N-E-Y, so if you’ve got any complaints be sure to send them that way. Next question!

You can check out a larger list of stories I’ve enjoyed in my AO3 bookmarks. And finally, if you’re interested, here are the two fics I’ve written:

1. Waiting For a Sign - ~6000 words, explicit - Eddie meets Richie again and comes to the startling realization that he totally wants to hit that.

Maybe if Richie wasn’t famous, Eddie could have found a way to let it go. A couple furtive jerk off sessions in the shower after he got back to New York and the image of Richie’s big hands and wide smile and improbably flattering stubble would fade from his mind.

But Richie was famous, and the internet never forgot.

Eddie lasted three days before giving in and typing ‘Richie Tozier’ into the YouTube search bar. Just seeing Richie in the thumbnails was enough to make Eddie’s heart thud, what the fuck. He had to scroll past a bunch of news videos about Richie's supposed mental breakdown, but after that he landed on some old stand-up.

Before he clicked on the first video, he got up and made sure that the door of his study was locked. Then he turned off the lights and put on a pair of earbuds.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It - ~21,000 words, explicit - It’s that totally relatable situation where the man you’re secretly in love with is a celebrity who just came out and now needs a fake boyfriend to keep himself in the spotlight. Eddie offers to help out of the goodness of his heart and not because he’s insanely fucking jealous.

Eddie froze, breath catching in his throat.

Richie looked...really good.

Bev’s influence was obvious. His hair, which had been unkempt and shaggy, a perfect match for his stoner permakid schtick, was cut much shorter and neater. His formerly unruly stubble somehow now emphasized the sharp cut of his jaw instead of obscuring it.

He wore new glasses, Eddie noticed. Slim silver metal frames instead of his giant, clunky plastic ones. The fitted black sweater and dark blue jeans were simple, but made his shoulders look impossibly broad and his legs miles long.

Fuck everything and Beverly Marsh in particular.

LINK TO MY FIRST SET OF REDDIE RECS 30+ FICS

[darkshrimpemotions]

hi ! i think i’m late to the party but i saw ur addition to the straight white men lashing out on female fans, and i’m asking this in a genuine i-want-to-learn way as a queer fan of 5 seconds of summer. i’ve been a 5sos fan since they first toured with 1d and have even been to one of their shows, but i’ve never gotten that vibe. are there instances of them being iffy? i’m not like a stan or anything but i do enjoy some of their music and i generally got the impression they were chill dudes. sorry if this is a lot or comes off as rude, that’s def not my intention, i just wanna know if they pass the vibe check or not, bc, if not, i don’t want to support them ! ty!! ✨

Hey, thanks for reaching out. I actually REALLY wish I could find the specific post to link you to, but tumblr’s search feature is...not. If you look in the overall notes and comments on that same post you should be able to find someone addressing the 5sos thing directly, and I’ve made a correction on my original reblog as well. My understanding is that attitude/narrative was something pushed on them, not something they espoused. But because it appeared in a Rolling Stone article, it still comes up today (which is how I saw it in the first place).

I’m hardly a 5sos historian so I can’t tell you if they pass a universal vibe check or not. I’m also not here to tell you that you can’t ever enjoy media made by imperfect people, because that’s all media and all people. I’d say even if the Rolling Stone article viewpoint was completely accurate at the time it was published, it would be worth it to look the band members’ behavior in the intervening years and what their stated positions are now, rather than judge them on statements made 5+ years ago and possibly taken out of context in an article. It’s then up to you to decide whether their particular imperfections pass your personal vibe check!

[yibuo]

1. As a SA I agree with u that sex is something we dont discuss and we never even touch the topic until we think we're grown up to talk abt, even with friends. I love it when western ppl try to discuss and dissect asian content with their own values and upbringing. So I dont really think lwj or wei ying are asexual at all, the story in the novel starts at a tender age of 13 or 14 and most asian kids at that age are really kids, No 13 year I knew was confident abt dating at that young age.

2. But I disagree u on one think I loved the way the author wrote lan zhan, coz this boy has hidden away from any human emotion. He locked himself in the library or used to practice what he learned, he never even learned the art of simple conversation and suddenly him realising that he might have fallen in love must have made his life unstable. Him telling his brother that he might be in love just tells u how much wei ying affected him, he just didnt have the tools to express the need and love

3. Lwj was smitten and even wrote a song just for them, he wasnt confident enough and didnt know enough to make a move, when he did wei ying forgot and so lwj kept thinking he was reject but still stood with him. Lwj is basically the longing and wwx was disbelief. Wwx never believed he was worth anything, he might have gotten a house to call home but the way the lady of the house treated him made him have issues. Love wasnt the only thing which made him give his golden core to jc.

4. It was also the sense of duty that these ppl helped me now I have to sacrifice myself for them. Even with lwj he keeps thinking hes ruined lwjs white cloths everytime they end up fighting someone or thing. He felt guilty for his feelings coz he wasnt sure that he would be ever accepted anywhere. Wen for him became a mission coz he lived as a dirt poor kid, he knew how they felt.

5. So yep I dont think lwj or wwx were written badly it's just the cultural thing coming in abt relationships. I seriously am loving this writers another novel coz they write the relationship like normalised relationships. Couples are made when one person is persuaded by the other. Never have I seen both ppl fall in love at the same time. P.S. sorry for the rant, it just makes me angry when white ppl think that us asians live their kind of life style

hey! this is going under the cut because much food for thought. you made 2 valid points and i’ll reply to both. also please feel free to correct me if i’m wrong. this is just based on my experience as a south asian lgbt who had the luxury to grow up and figure out this whole sex and lgbt thing along with other (east & south) asian lgbt individuals. i’m definitely not opposed to criticism and it’s important that i be corrected should i have said something wrong !!!!! and tbh that might give me some priviledge because i know some asian individuals probably didn’t have the same type of support group that i did to help figure out sexuality things

western values and expectations being pushed onto asian media - i think it’s really funny how people from the west like to push their expectations of romance/relationships onto asian media. like asian parents, east or south, are very minimal about exposing us to sex ed and sex in media, and media itself is very minimal on showing sexual attraction between characters (straight or gay) and romance is limited to kissing and hugging (unless it’s after marriage...maybe). like sex is just viewed as a baby-making tool?? i had this convo with my 1st gen east-asian friends last night nd we all came to the conclusion that we grew up w the idea that “sex happens but it only happens to ur partner for the rest of ur life” kinda thing so it’s completely a culture shock to us when western media has high-schoolers having sex and being chill about it ?? i couldn’t even imagine. so yeah anyway. not asexual. no sex in the show doesn’t mean asexual.that’s just not how dramas work lol plus yeah lol why are people expecting teenagers to have sex like...???? that’s just not a thing in mainstream media btw i’m not saying that gay sex shouldn’t be in asian media- i’m just tryna say that sex in general isn’t prominent especially in asian media

also it’s really interesting a lot of people were like the western idea of gay relationships are “conservative” like i feel like the hypersexualization especially of gay men started from western culture (specifically cis white males, for ex, when they first started making clinics to target lgbt people, the clinics were modeled after cis white males, which ended up ostracizing other lgbt groups) lol (like have U Seen All The Gay Thirst Traps On TikTok Lol /s) i’ve seen a lot of my friends (asian and white alike) be negatively affected by these standards which are propogated by the hypersexualization of gay males

wangxian- for lwj i just wish they didn’t write that part where he was some angsty teen who had to blindfold kss his crush to get his point across...i think that part was just so weird because it kinda furthers the idea of “people forcing each other on other people is romantic” but like it really isn’t?? idk that’s just my 2 cents i feel like that’s common sense lol and then i think it’s weirder that he hides it and even weirder that at the end it’s just cool “like o u forced kissed me? i thought it was a girl or something but that’s cool whatever <3″ idk it was just weird and it didn’t sit well w/ me. i’ve just seen people close to me affected by this kind of stuff and romanticizing of noncon just doesn’t seem like a kink it’s just. weird. sorry i don’t know how to form sentences. otherwise i really liked the idea of lwj being someone who’s so far from romance and love and expressing emotion turning into someone who shows love and loyalty

tldr; asian mainstream media doesn’t really focus on sex (not sexuality but sex), kinky sexy times are ok but noncon isn’t, western ppl stop tryna take over the world pls

[triplelutzmoreliketriplecry]

knats 2020 mindspill

This nats, despite being comparatively well-known for a smaller federation’s nationals, DID NOT STREAM OUTSIDE OF KOREA. WHY. So my viewing of the nats was a bit weirder and different; thank YouTube for posting skates. I missed a bunch of skates but I watched quite a few as well.

WOMENS

Yelim Kim (김예림) 🥉

HER JUMPS MAN. HER JUMPS. Honestly I don’t even know why she doesn’t get +5s for all her clean jumps (aside from lacking more complex transitions and lessening the load time) because the way time seems to slow whenever she jumps??? the delay in rotation??? the clean edges?????? the flow?!?!!!!!!! she truly is a technical badass. Her “performance” skills have been critiqued in the past—which lead to the creation of her Love Story FS—but her short really sells what Yelim does best: dark and dramatic. Her movements and eye contact really help continue to chilling feel created from Natalie Portman’s opening monologue. Her Love Story FS—I hate it. Nothing on Yelim, just that the cover of the song is bad and typically Korean (coming from a korean myself), the choreo is nothing special, the song is ever so repetitive...even the Godfather would be a better choice. The program is clearly not to my taste, but Yelim does do her best (her jumps perfect, and she’s worked with Kim Yuna to perfect her performance skills!) with what she’s got. Also her Black Swan dress? Beautiful. It looks heartbreaking and enhances her balletic beauty in a way that feels very uptight (the turtleneck collar) which really relates to the theme of the movie.

Haein Lee (이해인)🥈

SHE SLAYED!!! How many times has her Firedance FS been clean??? How is someone so consistent??? Her triple lutz could use improvement but her triple loop is a thing of beauty (if it weren’t for transitions she deserves +5) and her step sequence has made this FS my favourite out of the ladies this season. The dress is fabulous, her interpretation and performance skills are perfect—nothing more I can wish from her in Firedance! Program fits her like a glove. Her Nocturne? Uh. I don’t like it. It’s boring, the dress is nice but I have an intense hatred for sweetheart cut fronts or whatever they’re called. She’s stated she’s trying a new genre that’s more mature with the program but I feel like this genre of overplayed Nocturnes can stop. Please. Either way, a beautifully well deserved silver!!!

You Young (유영)🥇

SHE LANDED THE 3A!! It’s been troubling her ever since CoC and I’m glad to see it’s back with her. Although it didn’t work as well for her in the free, I’m confident she’ll bring this killer energy to Lausanne, 4CC, and Worlds (jesus KSU last year it was Junhwan this year it’s Young??? please be kinder to your own skaters). Her Evita dress is amazingly beautiful and one of my favourite dresses ever but her program doesn’t really do much for me. It has good choreo then empty choreo—leaves me confused. (Of course this is just my opinion lol). Her skating in her RnJ short is remarkably fitting to the music, being more spastic and frantic while keeping her grace (exhibited amazingly above) and the section with the (midi?) violins has the best choreo. However both programs seem to not have enough progression throughout, which was a problem I have had with almost all of Young’s programs. This is not her fault and she takes all her programs in stride, executing them beautifully! However the choreo could use some more content to make the program feel more whole.

Honourable Mentions:

- Jihun To’s Ashes SP is also one of my favourite lyrical SPs of the season. The dress, the choreo, it’s all so perfect!

- Eunsoo ;(( She’s been having a rough season but I’m very sure she’ll recover. Her performance quality has not lost a single drop of its quality!!

MENS

June-Hyeong Lee (이준형) 🥉

This was definitely a loss for him. Korean Men’s field is small and most people that get medals stay with their medals for a while, then get pushed down slowly until they don’t podium anymore. After his SP June-Hyeong seemed tense and worried, and the two falls on his FS definitely didn’t help. He’s always been a performer though—and it helped him recover quick after the first minute of the FS. His FS has some of the best and most creative choreo I’ve ever seen and his speed, his edges are very consistent and beautiful. He’s one of those skaters I would gladly watch skate without any jumps! His SP however seems off. It’s almost too chock-full with choreo. While he performs his program amazingly, I feel like he should take some time to hold lines and edges—he’s so full of choreo often in his programs and this takes out from the viewing experience. It’s always better to have more choreo than less, though, and I applaud him! He seemed pretty stuck on the flip though—he did it again during the celebration ceremony twice as if he felt discontent. Costume for the FS was beautiful and fit the music very well (elegance and simplicity mixed in with some whimsical flair provided by the velvet) but the SP one was a bit plain. Overall a hard fight done well!!

Sihyeong Lee (이시형)🥈

SIHYEONG!! FIRST SILVER AT NATS!! His performances were very exquisite aside from the turn out on the 3A in his SP. I’m very VERY fond of his SP music since usually that’s the type of piano music I tend to enjoy more (Ludovico Einaudi vibes anyone?)—aaand that’s because it’s Max Richter. Fucking love that man. His choreo for his SP is perfect and really sells the buildup, and his triple jumps are almost Yelim-level quality—amazing height, very slight delay in certain jumps! His posture in his FS was a bit off, and I was scared he was going to lean too far and fall quite often throughout the program. As well, his skating gets a little slow at times. His FS was definitely nice and the costume makes his legs look three times the length of his torso. WOW he’s tall. I’m amazed his jumps are that nice at his height! A well deserved silver for Sihyeong definitely.

Cha Junhwan (차준환)🥇

FIRST CLEAN FS SINCE IL POSTINO. SECOND CLEAN SP OF THE SEASON. HE’S OVERCOMING HIS SLUMP Y’ALL. His quad toe looks much better and controlled (a hint of delay I see? but that might be because of the way I count rotations in jumps) and his quad sal has stopped having a rug pulled out from under him. Again, I prefer his quad toe to his quad sal because he actually rotates his quad toe more times than he rotates his quad sal, the jump he does almost 3x more frequently. However his quad sal is always a thing of controlled beauty aside from the ur problems! His 3Lz is also actually an outside edge now!!! (Sometimes; it’s quite shallow) His programs have definitely grown on him and his performance quality keeps going up and up every time he performs it. Ina Bauer, step sequence—everything went perfectly for him! I’m so proud :)

funniest moments of knats | cutest moments

[tiredbiostudent]

Hi! Could you maybe recommend some music, I keep listening to the same three songs and would love to find something new, doesn't have to be a specific genre. Also, you're blog is wonderful!

omg this is so sweet my heart is 🥺 rn but also, idk how much I can help because I also genuinely will listen to one song for an entire week straight and haven’t had a ton of time to find new music lately! but here’s some genre breakdowns of artists I love and some songs by them, or just individual tunes:

[edit: sorry this got insanely long!! I can maybe link spotify playlists if I ever get around to making some ‘:) but tl;dr my fave artists are frank ocean, sigrid, hozier, ben howard, cezinando, khalid, childish gambino, nas, lorde, the lumineers, rhcp, girl in red and travis scott]

1. guitar/rock indie-arcade fire: neighbourhood #3, the well and the lighthouse, we exist, afterlife, the suburbs, ready to start, SUBURBAN WAR!! (listen to the entire suburbs album if you want to feel rlly nostalgic about ur childhood)-ben howard (my favourite artist ever, I saw him live and it was phenomenal): rivers in your mouth, time is dancing, I forget where we were, only love, black flies, oats in the water, she treats me well, towing the line, follaton wood-rhcp (long time fave): under the bridge, by the way, californiacation, scar tissue, otherside, goodbye angels, dani California, snow (hey oh), tell me baby-city and colour (another old fave who I’ve also seen live and is amazing!! if you like hozier and the lumineers you’d like him, a bit of a less intense sound though): sleeping sickness, what makes a man, waiting…, constant knot, the golden state, killing time, wasted love, runaway, map of the world, blood, the grand optimist :’), northern wind, hello I’m in delaware-the scientist by coldplay.. if u haven’t been emo about this song since 2003 wyd-haven’t listened to her in forever but cosmic love by florence + the machine >>-girl in red (her music is great but her LYRICS r literally my soul): i wanna be your girlfriend, summer depression, i need to be alone, 4am, girls, say anything, bad idea, i’ll die anyway, we fell in love in october-harry styles: adore you, fine line, golden, sunflower vol. 6, sweet creature, lights up, to be so lonely, sign of the times, HIS COVER OF ULTRALIGHT BEAM-hozier (ANOTHER fave, fucking insane live too. sir ily): work song, in the woods somewhere, sedated, cherry wine, almost (sweet music) [song equivalent to a warm summer evening], movement !! holy f-, as it was, be, wasteland baby!-broken by lovelytheband-the lumineers (my guys!!!!): cleopatra, sleep on the floor, angela, long way from home, sick in the head, my eyes, white lie, donna, salt and the sea, slow it down, stubborn love-where’s my love by syml-mitski: washing machine heart, old friend, nobody, lonesome love-sam roberts band: bridge to nowhere, brother down, if you want it-saturn by sleeping at last-sufjan stevens: mystery of love, visions of Gideon (I don’t stan cmbyn but literally these two songs are the only thing I listened to from dec 2017 to feb 2018), the hidden river of my life, futile devices, Vesuvius-love will tear us apart cover by susanna and the magical orchestra-vance joy: mess is mine, Georgia, my kind of man, Saturday sun, we’re going home, lay it on me, take your time, I’m with you !!, like gold, crashing into you-remember when by wallows !!!

2. chill indie/pop-billie eilish: idontwannabeyouanymore, ilomilo, my strange addiction, bury a friend-cezinando (also my fave artist, and noen ganger is probs my fave album of all time): ingenting blir det samme men samme for meg, selv du, haper du har plass (if u can make it thru this song w/o crying on public transportation you are much stronger than I), tommolen pa vekta, er dette alt, usynlig-sigrid (the LOML and my other fave artist- seeing her live was the best day of my life no cap): dynamite, plot twist, fake friends, strangers,  don’t feel like crying, raw, focus, I don’t want to know, her cover of sex by the 1975 changed my life fr, mine right now, BASIC !!!!!, in vain, never mine [this is highkey bc I’m a bonafide sigrid stan but I cannot recommend her ENOUGH she has one of the most incredible voices ever, is an insanely talented songwriter, and her music is so hype and beautiful and yeah :’)]-khalid (I love his voice sm, also the ceo of vibes): bad luck, cold blooded, 8teen, my bad, better, hundred, Saturday nights, suncity-run by elsa and emilie-lorde (my bby): bravado, buzzcut season, the love club, the louvre, supercut, 400 lux, ribs, white teeth teens, a world alone-fy faen by hkeem & temur (have been listening to this song for 3 yrs straight no cap)-btstu by jai paul-8896 by lapsley-joji: slow dancing in the dark, will he-moon by kid francesoli-aloha by mome (another all time fave)-karpe diem: hvite menn som pusher 50, lett a vaere rebell i kjellerleiligheten din, gunerius, spis din syvende sans-astrid s: 2AM matoma remix (one of my fave songs ever tbh), hurts so good !!!, such a boy-myth by beachhouse -mgmt: kids, electric feel-nostalgi 3millioner by tomine harket & unge Ferrari -lykke li: sex money feelings die (did I listen to this song for 5 months straight last year? hm), I follow rivers-one direction (ofc): story of my life, 18, night changes, drag me down, literally all of Take Me Home which is unequivocally their best album I will take no criticism on that-berlin by ry x-dancing with a stranger by sam smith and normani-taylor swift (not rlly a fan but wowww some of her songs): call it what you want !!!!, false god, begin again, all you had to do was stay, clean-kamikaze by Susanne sundfor-tame impala: let it happen (the og and the soulwax remix), the less I know the better, gossip-head over heels by tears for fears-somebody else by the 1975 (apparently I was the only one who only discovered this song in 2019 but it’s like all I listened to from October-December)

3. rap & rnb-brockhampton: rental !!!, face, bleach, sweet-childish gambino: ii. zealots of stockholm, heartbeat, les, the “hardbone with a hard r” remix of bonfire and redbone drooooool-drake (yikes dude but ngl. chill bops): feel no ways, u with me?, hold on we’re going home, passionfruit, you and the 6-vince staples: bagbak, lift me up, norf norf-frank ocean (LOML frank I’d die for you. also my fave artist *proceeds to list his entire discography*): SEIGFRIED!!!!, songs 4 women, nights, chanel, ivy, thinkin bout you, sweet life, pyramids, lost, bad religion, pink matter, forrest gump, in my room, swim good, dust, american wedding, provider-jorja smith: blue lights, february 3rd, on your own-ransom by lil tecca-nas (fave to end all faves): take it in blood, represent, the message, halftime, affirmative action, street dreams, one love, hate me now, cherry wine, new world-mobb deep: hell on earth, survival of the fittest, party over, shook ones pt ii-travis scott: (astroworld is the only thing I listened to summer-fall 2018 no cap) astrothunder, coffee bean, Yosemite, butterfly effect, houstonfornication, skeletons, stop trying to be god, stargazing, highest in the room-kanye (don’t roast me for this): can’t tell me nothing, ultralight beam, fade, hold my liquor-drip too hard by lil baby-(all a product of tiktok) bop, toes, suge, panini remix by da baby-migos (lmao): notice me, slippery, pure water-walk man by tmg sfdjhfkdjfsdfs-go loko by YG-the weeknd: reminder, as you are, hurt you, privilege, tell your friends, starboy, sidewalks, high for this

(I also love old school rock music but haven’t listened to it much since highschool- my fave bands are led zeppelin, CCR, boston, fleetwood mac, pink floyd, blue oyster cult, styx, the who)

[paunchsalazar]

hey!! bro ur my number #1 source for lupin III content so can I ask like how in the hell I go about watching all the series / movies / etc for it in order??? I’m really pumped for the live action so I wanna at least dip into all the other stuff. thanking ya kindly //tips hat

hello!!! what an honor!! oh my… ok I’m so sorry in advance… I’ve gotten a few similar asks and I started writing out a list and it was getting over 1500 words long so I had to try to chill out…so…

LUPIN III CRASH COURSE

I’m sorry that this is so long.. and consider I cut it down! but here is my intro because I know this franchise is huge and confusing!! (I’ve had multiple instances of friends being like ‘I tried to find that Lupin thing you like but I could only find the third one?’) 

I kind of liken it to Scooby Doo? it stretches some 60 years and has been handled by many different writers, directors, and animators across very different eras? most important to know! the order doesn’t really matter and things aren’t really sequential (save for where the three most recent shows) so you can jump in and explore whatever seems compelling! it’s overwhelming because there is so much but also nice because there’s something for everybody! if you like fun and pure, edgy, etc. etc. 

feel free to disregard everything coming… I will say my personal priority order is

- Castle of Cagliostro

- some episode of part 2

- part IV, ideally all of it! there’s filler but it’s hard to know which ones

- part I (or some episodes of it? up to you!)

- Fuma Conspiracy

- part V 

- part III (it’s great too!! just not as sequential as IV and V)

- First Contact… truly indulgent but its so cute!

(below I broke down a little about each and my favorite episodes, where to find them, etc. and there’s so much more but just doing everything below is a whole lot)

TV (All the shows except for The Woman Called Fujiko Mine are on Crunchyroll!)

Part 1 (1971) - crunchyroll!

The beginnings kind of a weird feeling because the first half was directed with one vision vs. the second half being co-directed by Takahata and Miyazaki, there’s a shift in Lupin’s personality and most significantly they sought to shed his ‘sense of apathy’ and make him more of a hero? something that’s echoed later on! honestly, I don’t think the transition is as dramatic as some people find it? but it does shift across the episodes and end on a sweet note!

truly they all have something to enjoy but I made note of 

episodes 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 16, 18, 19, 23 

for some reason? really really suggest watching the last episode! but get a bit of the first and second half beforehand!

Part II/Red Jacket (1977-80) - 155 episodes - on crunchyroll dubbed and subbed

there are a lot so I tried to narrow it down to a few of my favorites/ particularly noteworthy ones? I bolded my absolute favorites! I’m sure I missed a few but save for a few two-episode arcs you can jump in anywhere and it’ll be fine.

episodes 1-79 are dubbed on Crunchyroll! In my personal opinion the script makes it worth it!! there are a bunch of non-dubbed episodes anyway if you want to get a feel for both

(these episode titles are often hilarious, misleading, and/or horribly embarrassing?)

1 - ‘The Return of Lupin the Third’ - just a good starting point!

5 - ‘Will the Leaning Tower of Pisa Be Standing?’

6 - ‘Tutankhamen’s 3,000-Year-Old Curse’

7 - ‘Venetian Super Express’ - I want to say this is a cute little road trip episode? it’s been so long

9 - ‘Steal the FIle M123’ - this dub… madness. very strange Christopher Walken impression for absolutely no reason?

10 - ‘Bet on the Monaco Grand Prix’

15 - ‘Crude Reproduction, Perfect Frame’ - Lupin keeps committing strange and uncharacteristic crimes, but he has no memory of doing so!

29 - ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ - Lupin has some mysterious Levitation Technique and everyone is after it 

32 - ‘Lupin the Interred’ A famed hitman is after Lupin!

34 - ‘But Your Brother Was Such A Nice Guy’ - this episode is one of the zaniest ones and that’s saying a lot… Vampires? Jesus? Really really funny moments though especially in the dub

42 - ‘Cruisin’ in Drag’ Lupin infiltrates the ship of a wealthy bachelor disguised as a woman 

45 - ‘Diamonds and Minx’ kind of a mess of people stealing from each other? 

46 - ‘The Island of Dr. Derange’

57 - ‘Alter-Ego Maniac’ - Inspector Zenigata goes criminal

62 - ‘Church of the Poison Mind’ - Jigen and Goemon stumble into a religious cult

69 - ‘Zenigata Getcha Into My Life’ - this title is awful but this episode is great. 

78 - ‘Ice, Robot’ - an inventor has made a machine that can cry diamonds!

79 - ‘Baton Death March’ 

81 - ‘Fujiko, Men are a Sorry Lot!” - Fujiko gets engaged to a Prince, the rest of the gang goes after the monarchy’s Golden Bell

96 - ‘Lupin’s Gourmet World’ tbh this is a vore episode but there are some great gang moments here and a really fun third act

99 - ‘Fighting Jigen’ - first anime episode (I think like in history? but I could’ve misread) in stereo! And I believe the first to air of the TMS staff’s work, you can tell because the style shifts to a more Miyazaki/Cagliostro look and this will keep happening for the rest of the show

101 - ‘Fervent Love at Versailles’ - a crossover episode with Rose of Versailles! 

103 - ‘The Wolf Looked at an Angel’ - Goemon is an angel I can say little else

104 - ‘The Most Dangerous Golden Bed’ - debut of perhaps the best opening! I love this episode?? so much?

112 - ‘Danger! Goemon’ 

122 - ‘An Unusual End to an Expedition for Napoleon’s Treasure’ 

143 - ‘The Miami Bank’ 

145 - ‘Wings of Death: Albatross’ - ah yes, one of the famed Miyazaki-directed episode, truly so worth it

151 - ‘To Arrest Lupin, the Mission at the Highway’ - another not exactly Miyazaki episode but a lot of the people he trained? They depart from the part 2 style(s) again but its a good bit of fun all around! Really lovely character animation

152 - ‘Jigen and the Hatless Pistol’ - Jigen loses his hat and thus his ability to shoot

155 - ‘Thieves Love the Peace/Farewell, Dear Lupin’ - the finale episode! Miyazaki-directed as well, and just beautiful 

Part III (1984) - 50 episodes - crunchyroll!

I’m still very early in this one so I can’t say much yet! But it gets a bad rep? Perhaps for being more inconsistent stylistically and a bit on the zanier end! But I really like it!! these drawings are such a blast! I think each bit has its merits and this one is no exception. Plus with all their freedom animation-wise they can do a lot of fun stuff!

The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (2012) - 13 episodes - on kissanime for certain and I think animetake?

this is the most dramatic departure from the rest of the shows/films/specials. Fujiko Mine is the star of this part! It definitely has less obviously plot-important episodes but it’s one narrative from start to finish. I must note that it’s by far Lupin’s edgiest, I think it’d be safe to deem this part as R-Rated. There’s sex, violence, sexual violence, abuse, bodily mutilation, obsession… a gay character who gets a pretty tragic fate (at first I was excited by the very existence of an LGBT+ character but he really goes through the wringer and never gets a resolution.. I don’t want to spoil). This is probably Lupin at his ickiest? I do like Jigen’s personality here! And his dynamic with Fujiko, but it’s a lot more disjointed than the other parts. She meets each of them separately and towards the end, Lupin and Jigen interact more but there’s barely a time when they’re all together. That’s not meant to be a deterrent but personally, I’m a sucker for their friendship and love them as a group so it’s a bit of a bummer. Sequential plot-wise though! This one is definitely captivating, a bit disturbing, and there is a plot-twist that really got me. The villain design is really cool too!

Part IV (2015) - 26 episodes - on crunchyroll, also dubbed on Funimation

This part is narrative-based and sequential! It still has some more standalone episodes but there’s definitely an overarching story throughout! I think they’re all worth watching and might leave little important bits that’ll be confusing later on. Essentially this part takes place in Italy for the most part and starts with Lupin getting married to a multi-millionaire heiress/model/celebrity who wants to get into the thief business. This one feels like a good combination of old and new, it’s not quite as silly as the earlier parts can be, but it’s full of nostalgia while still feeling original. I really had a good time!

This dub isn’t bad but!! It comes with a different opening and soundtrack, I guess Lupin’s pretty big in Italy and perhaps there were licensing issues? I’m not sure? But it’s a bit of a bummer to be without the Yuji Ohno soundtrack. The alternate opening feels more like a collection of stills and footage found throughout the show? It’s not horrible, just different! Regardless, the Part IV Japanese OP (vs. the Italian/US one) is worth a watch!

Part V (2018, airing on Adult Swim right now, summer 2019!) - 23 episodes 

I’m actually not done with this part but its good fun! more directly tied to part iv then the others are to each other. It’s more sequential as well with a few sub-arcs and since it fell on the franchise’s anniversary it has callback episodes with Lupin in various jackets in various tones. Interesting Lupin characterization here… he seems… sadder, wistful? and we get hints of Lupin lore! Lots of fanservice but… I love it! I still think they could’ve pushed it more? it feels somehow more reserved than part IV in some ways, which is already different from the 70s and 80s, but it’s got a lot of lovely moments!!

Films/TV Specials

From 1989 to 2011 they had a special every year!! So much!

Castle of Cagliostro (1979) - Available on Netflix! 

perhaps the best-known piece of media in the Lupin franchise? And rightly so. This film is Hayao Miyazaki’s directing debut and a blast from start to finish! This characterization of Lupin is definitely Miyazaki’s more than Monkey Punch’s but that seems to be the strange nature of the Lupin franchise! I could really go on forever… please watch it!

The Fuma Conspiracy (1987) - 

perhaps harder to find, but it’s on Kissanime! Goemon is getting married but before the ceremony is over the bride is taken by the Fuma ninja clan and the gang helps him to get her back as well as learn the story of a family heirloom? Really great stuff from everybody! Adorable Zenigata, the fluffiest and most handsome Goemon, cute Jigen, Fujiko, and Lupin interactions, a really really incredible car chase! Even with Cagliostro’s fame, this one has got some serious pizzazz

Episode 0: The First Contact (2002) - on Kissanime as well! 

A journalist asks Jigen how he met Lupin III, this is probably my favorite TV special? And features one of my favorite opening scenes in the whole franchise. The instrumental!! Perhaps each member of the gang at their purest, whatever that means, really great moments between everybody and peak Lupin and Jigen meeting and somehow signing up to be life partners

[pandemicthestory]

10: confused

Fake it til you make it.

In the middle of the City, fairly close to the Academy, there is a chrome-colored building that is taller than almost all of the rest. Night and Sugar stand in front of its doors, wondering how they’re going to get in.

The building is called “Mecca.” It’s filled with headquarters for top companies--mostly builders, but also fashion and interior designers, medical technicians, and game developers. Thousands of civilians report here for work 5 days a week. But since it’s Friday, as soon as it’s 5 o’clock, these workers will leave their desks and head to the top floor. 

At the top floor of Mecca is LOUNGE, an exclusive night and day club where windows are always blacked out and the passing of time can’t be measured. A night club meets speakeasy meets casino, this is where the elites go to unwind. After a long week’s work of building, the business men and women of Mecca can swipe their membership card at the top floor and indulge themselves in the darker parts of life. 

And this is exactly where Sugar intends on taking them.

“There’s no way we’re getting in.” Night mutters, hitting his forehead with his palm. This situation feels seriously illegal and seriously stupid. As he and Night stood at the front of this massive building, Night begins to wonder if he’s made a big mistake. 

“Hold on now, don’t give up just yet, man. Listen, the separation medical facility is in this building.” Sugar explains. 

“So..?”

“People think we’re Vacaters. So, we’ll tell security that we have appointments today, they’ll let us in, we’ll head to the facility and…” 

“And what?”

“And figure it out from there? Let’s go dude!”

*buzz*

*buzz buzz buzz* 

Suddenly, Night’s phone starts blowing up in his pocket. He can’t ignore it, because it just keeps going. 

“Hold on a second, Sugar…”

Night reaches into his pocket and sees that he has several missed texts and calls. From Julian. 

Oh god, what does he want from her so desperately? What could be so important that it can’t wait? 

This is why he’d tapped Emma’s phone. It wasn’t because he’s creepy or trying to infringe on her privacy, though, he’ll admit, that’s exactly what it looks like. No, it’s because she’s unpredictable, and surrounded by people who don’t know what’s best for her. And because he really needs her to make it here. 

JULIAN: where are u 

JULIAN: stopped by your house and u weren’t there 

JULIAN: ur mom said u were out for a walk, but i don’t think that’s true. Tell me what’s happening

(3 MISSED CALLS)

JULIAN: your friend zoe says that you’re out somewhere with her boyfriend. Care to explain? Wtf is going on...we’re leaving in a few days Emma

(2 MISSED CALLS)

JULIAN: we’re leaving tomorrow

Leaving?

Leaving where?

Night had known that Emma was planning something, just not what. Apparently Julian does. 

Sugar taps his foot impatiently while Night composes a response to Julian. With the software he installed on his phone, it will be rerouted through Emma’s number. He’ll have no idea.

“EMMA”: Going where?

A pause, and then Julian is typing. 

JULIAN: there you are. Fuck. don’t do that to me 

“EMMA”: where are we going, julian? 

JULIAN: what are you talking about? Are you trying to distract me from the fact that ur out chilling w Gabriel? The fuck?

Now Night is actually confused. Is this why she didn’t answer him? Because she was busy with Gabriel? And for that matter, who the hell is Gabriel?

What’s going on Emma? Everything you need was sent straight to your doorstep. Couldn’t have been easier. All you had to do was get the mail. So what went wrong?

Sugar yells to him, “DUDE, NOW.” 

“Ok ok, I’m ready!” Night says, while composing and sending one last text.  

“EMMA”: i’m not going anywhere with you julian. I’ve changed my mind. Don’t contact me again

Night runs after Sugar. He wonders to himself...what does such a smart girl see in such a profoundly stupid guy? Is she that starved of attention that she’ll settle for anyone who gives it to her? Note to self: that question will probably be offensive to her if he were to ask it. So he will not.

But hopefully he’ll at least have the chance. Soon. 

Sugar storms ahead, and Night basically has no choice but to follow. 

Sure enough, they head through metal detectors on their way in, and are then greeted by a squad of security guards. A guard steps in front of them. How many times is this going to happen today?

“Please swipe ID cards on the way in.” 

This guard is nicer than the last one, he said please. He’s still in the way though. Sugar steps up. 

“Hello sir, we don’t have ID cards because we don’t actually work here. We’re merely here for our appointments at the separation facility. We’re wearing our uniforms to indicate our status.” Sugar says, oozing with professionalism and aggressively overdoing it. Night fights a laugh under his breath (“merely..?”) and Sugar elbows him discreetly. The guard frowns.

“Is that so? We weren’t told of any separation appointments scheduled today...in fact, it’s rare that they’re ever scheduled on Fridays. What’s the reason you’re here for the service today instead of Monday?” 

At this moment, both Sugar and Night are hoping that the other one has more knowledge of who the hell Vacaters actually are and what the hell the separation facility actually does. Unfortunately, neither of them do. Night realizes that he’ll have to throw another hail mary pass and hope for the best.

“Well it’s because, the...service...is going to be followed by a session with some other associates at LOUNGE.” 

Now it was Sugar’s turn to try not to laugh. That was officially the dumbest ass response ever, which is why he is the resident debauchery mastermind and Night spends every night in front of a computer and a dead plant. 

Night tries to remain confident. He couldn’t bank on these guys not understanding Vacaters, like the last pair of idiots, but he gambled that he could bank on them not knowing much about LOUNGE. From the look of it, these guys don’t seem like the type to be invited to an exclusive, glamorous party. They’re wearing jumpsuits. 

“What? Really? That’s so...unusual.” One guard says. The other nods in agreement. They actually seem a bit...jealous? As in, why have these two bratty teenagers been invited to the top floor when we who have worked here for five years never will?

“Well yes, my father is a builder and it’s, uh, a sort of rite of passage for me to be vacated, er, separated, alongside him. In a celebratory way. After work.” 

If Night got away with this, he’d owe the forces of the universe one. 

The guards just nod in admiration while Sugar looks incredulous. 

“Well then, good luck young man. We hope your last night will be a special one.” 

The guards exchange nods with Night and Sugar, who head forward to the glass elevator. 

“Separation facility is on 43!” Calls one of the security guards from behind, almost wistfully. Maybe one day he’ll get the chance to see what’s up there. But not likely. 

Once inside the glass elevator, Sugar hugs Night around the shoulder. 

“Ok honestly, I’m a bit shook that you’re a bad ass. Was pretty sure that you were just a virgin computer nerd.”

Night laughs to himself. That’s all that anyone has ever expected of him. But right now, seeing himself through Sugar’s eyes as a genius lawbreaker feels good. Intoxicating, even. 

“What floor’d he say? 45, was it? Sugar asks. 

“Why not go straight to the top?” Night asks, with a mischievous grin.

He hits the number “100” without waiting for an answer. 

* * * 

Emma crashes through the front door of her house, ready to have to explain herself to her parents and hoping to get through it painlessly.

But they don’t seem to be home. “Mom? Dad?” 

They must be out looking for her. Now it all makes sense...her neurotic mother was blowing up her phone because she couldn’t even trust her daughter to take a walk around the damn block. Then her phone got destroyed in the parking lot. And now, since she hasn’t answered, they’re out looking for her. And when they eventually get back, she’ll probably be sent to prison. Cool.

Emma decides to take this time as a gift. Tune everything else out. This is her shot to save Isabel. 

Emma runs upstairs to her room and tears the cardboard off the headset. She tosses the instructions aside because she has enough knowledge to put one of these together without them. 

Does it need to be charged? It does not. It’s ready to go. 

Now, to check on the download…

7 HOURS REMAINING

She groans. It’s speeding up, but not enough. She needs to plug in now, not in 7 god damn hours. She sees on her computer that there are a shit ton of unread G-chat messages from Zoe. Ugh, she’s probably dealing with some sort of jealousy moment right now and Emma just doesn’t have time to deal with it. So she doesn’t open them. Sorry Zo. You’ll forgive me.

Emma wracks her frazzled brain--there’s gotta be a way for her to get online and contact Emma.

Wait. 

Emma runs across the hallway to Isabel’s room, carrying the headset and headphones. Isabel is still slumped over in her chair, alive, looking the same as before. Well at least she’s alive, which is cool. Emma examines the game on the computer--scanning the twisted map view of a city for any sign of her sister. None. Hm, guess it doesn’t work like that. 

Emma looks at the game settings. 

Ah, input/output. Yes. This is it. 

If she can’t join from her own game, maybe she can join Isabel’s.

Emma sits down on a pile of clothes in the back of Isabel’s closet. She might as well get comfy, she could be here for a while. She puts on thick noise-canceling headphones and the headset, and everything goes dark and quiet. 

Power on. 

Emma wirelessly connects to Isabel’s computer, then sees the icon for the Universe game pop up in front of her eyes. With a nod, she selects it.

Black becomes blue. 

Silence becomes ambient drone music. 

Isabel’s done VR before, so she expects this. She still feels excitement. This technology never ceases to amaze her. 

It’s when the feeling of the laundry beneath her fades away into a rush of cold air... 

This, she does not expect. 

[fanforthefics]

The bachelor au with sidgeno, bennguin or kidline. Idc about the pairing ur I'm starving for headcanons 👏

1) "Next, Tyler Seguin,” the producer says, flipping to the next slide as the team flips over to the next page of their packet, “He’ll probably be good for some drama.” 

Jamie studies the picture, the stats--6′1, as good looking as all the rest of them, a bartender in Boston. Loves dogs, hockey, and having a good time. He’s grinning in the picture, smirking a little. He looks like every other ex-athlete fuckboy Jamie’s seen come and go over his seasons as a producer on the Bachelor and Bachelorette. 

“Are we thinking villain edit?” another producer asks. Jamie doesn’t have seniority to say it, but he’s already thinking the no as the producer says, 

“No, unless things change. Just some excitement--add some chaos in.” 

Jamie agrees. He’s gotten to be a decent judge of character, or at least figuring out who’s going to be the kind of person who’s insufferable to the producers and always ordering them around and thinking that they’re there to serve the contestants, and who isn’t. Tyler Seguin looks like many things, but there’s no malice in those laughing brown eyes. 

“And next,” the producer goes on, and Jamie flips the page, quickly. So Seguin’s got pretty eyes. He’s seen plenty of pretty eyes come and go. 

///

2) Tyler goes on the Bachelorette partly on a whim, partly because it seems like fun, partly because his Insta deserves more followers, and partly as a way out of--well, as a change. 

In any case, no one is surprised. “This seems inevitable, yeah,” Brownie told him, with a noise that’s a laugh and a sigh put together.” 

So Tyler goes on the show, and it’s cool. Like, sort of stressful, because of the whole competition thing, but the Bachelorette, Liv, is hot and fun and the rest of the guys seem chill, except for the ones who aren’t but Tyler can ignore them, and getting to hang around a pool all day and drink and hang out and work out is maybe Tyler’s idea of heaven. Or, no--if this was heaven he would have gotten to make out a little with the hot guys around him, but hey, it’s close. 

///

3) Tyler latches on to Jamie quickly, though. Jamie’s one of the first of the crew he’s introduced to, to herd him around where they need to go, and Tyler is incapable of not trying to make friends with people, so he starts chatting with him or whatever, and Jamie mumbles something back, and Tyler thinks that that’s that--that he doesn’t like Tyler and it’s a pity because Tyler’s into the whole big dude big eyes thing Jamie’s got going on, but Tyler’s not going to force his presence on anyone. 

Then it’s a few days later, and Tyler’s feeling a little tired, already. He loves it, he does, but--it’s a lot, and he’s hungover and the other dudes are getting into a shouting match about something and he’s standing nearby watching and it’s all getting to be a lot, and then he feels someone appearing next to him, which is a feat for how big Jamie is. 

“You can take a sec,” Jamie says, and he’s not mumbling now. 

“What?” Tyler asks, turning and smiling instinctively. Jamie’s watching him, with those big eyes that look...well, kind. 

Jamie glances at his feet, then back up. “Cameras aren’t on you all the time. You can take a break, you know. Go get some sleep or something.” 

Tyler raises his eyebrows, but he’s grinning. “Are you supposed to be saying that? Shouldn’t you be encouraging me to go do shit?” 

Jamie shrugs, doesn’t quite meet Tyler’s eyes. “I’ll make sure the cameras don’t bother you.” 

It could maybe be the producers trying to manipulate Tyler, or some shit like that, but--Tyler doesn’t think so. There’s something about Jamie that makes it impossible to think so. Jamie radiates Good Guy energy, in a way that Tyler doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. 

“Yeah,” Tyler agrees, and punches Jamie’s arm companionably before he goes. “Thanks, bro.” 

Jamie shrugs again, like it’s nothing. 

///

4) So after that Tyler officially adopts Jamie. Jamie...isn’t quite sure what to do with it, because Tyler should be spending his time with the other contestants, and maybe Jamie is making it up anyway, that Jamie seems to be his favorite producer. Like, sure, Tyler’s always hanging out near him, and chatting with him when he has a chance, and he’s started teasing Jamie in a way that manages to seem fun and not dickish, but he does that to a lot of people. Jamie’s sure it doesn’t mean anything. Tyler makes friends with everyone. Tyler’s one of the favorites to get into the top four or five, though he’s not favored to win. But the bachelorette seems to be charmed and amused by him, so he keeps getting that rose. 

And after he gets it, sometimes he looks up, grins over at where Jamie’s watching, and if Jamie blushes sometimes, well. The lights cover that. 

///

5)

Tyler just likes Jamie. A lot. The dude’s quiet, and mumbles a lot, but Tyler’s been watching him and he sees how he manages the other producers and crew, how even the contestants fall in line when he starts laying down the law. He sees how once there were kids around for a date and Jamie knelt down to talk to a little girl, folding up that big muscled body to admire the picture she drew. He sees how Jamie never turns Tyler away, when he needs a break from all the filming shit, and Tyler tucks himself into a corner with Jamie to chat about nothing at all, about his dogs and Boston and Toronto and hockey and just--anything. 

Also once Jamie gets water on his shirt and has to strip it off to change and Tyler sees all that, too. 

It’s not like Tyler’s obsessed, or anything. He likes a lot of the contestants, even Chad, who’s getting the villain edit but isn’t like, that bad a dude. He likes a bunch of the producers too, and some of the camera people. 

But somehow he always finds himself circling back to Jamie, especially after a date where he’s been charming and drinking and is so wired he feels like he’ll shake out of his skin. Jamie has a way then, of putting a hand on his arm, and Tyler can just--settle. He has a way of listening to Tyler talk about his life back home in a way that doesn’t quite feel judgmental, but does make Tyler feel like--like he’s looking at it from the outside. 

Tyler learns things about Jamie, too. He learns he’s the youngest of three and he’s from Victoria and that he’s been working this job for a couple years now. He learns that he wants to be a director, someday, which he admits with a mumbling blush but Tyler kicks his foot until he looks up and tells him that it makes sense. Jamie’s good at being in charge. 

He does not learn if Jamie is single or not. He tells himself that’s okay. Jamie’s a friend, a good friend, and Tyler’s for sure keeping him after the show, but. Who cares if he’s single or not? Not Tyler, that’s who. 

///

6) A scene: Tyler, in a confessional setting. He’s wearing a bathing suit and an unbuttoned shirt over it, with a backwards baseball cap on. 

“Yeah, no, I mean, I love Boston,” Tyler says into the camera. “It’s been a lot of fun, you know?” He looks over the camera, to the side. [Not pictured: Jamie, standing there, watching him. Listening]. 

A pause. Someone asks a question. Then, “Is it--do I want to live there forever? I don’t know. I thought so.” A look, to the same side. Steady. “I’ve been thinking recently, though, maybe I need to grow up a little? Start taking things a little more seriously. And I don’t know if I can do that in Boston.” 

Another question. “What? Would I go to Liv in LA?” He chuckles, looks a little surprised. “Yeah, sure, LA sun, what’s not to love?” 

///

7) Another moment: It’s late out, and Jamie’s waiting out the last of the contestants to go to sleep so he can go home and grab some sleep before being back on set early to prep for the date. Most of them go easily enough, but Tyler lags behind. Jamie's not surprised. He wishes he were a little less pleased. 

“So you have a big night planned?” Tyler asks, leaning against the bar. He’s in his yellow bathing suit, which is maybe the douchiest set; it’s still painfully attractive. “Gonna go out on the town, once you’re rid of all of us?” 

Jamie snorts. “I’m going to get some sleep.” 

Tyler tsks his tongue. “Really? No big date night? Doesn’t all this want to make you fall in love?” he drawls the last words, like he’s mocking them. 

“After running interference on you lot all day, who has the time?” It’s not quite true. Jamie could, probably, if he wanted to. Jordie definitely thinks so, and says so, loudly. But Jamie--he doesn’t want to. It’s hard to feel like he could, after watching all the ridiculously attractive men out there, all day. “Anyway, I’m boring, right? That’s the general opinion.” 

“Boring’s not bad.” Tyler’s watching him again. “Doesn’t mean you have to stay that way, though.” 

Jamie shrugs. “Makes it easier to, though.” 

Tyler hums, then, all at once, he reaches behind himself to grab a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. “Tyler!” Jamie yelps. “What are you doing?” 

“Let’s do shots,” Tyler says, easy. Like that’s not--

“We can’t drink now, it’s after hours,” Jamie hisses. And then, also, “And I can’t drink anyway, that’s for contestants. And I shouldn’t be drinking with you, I’m not supposed to even fraternize with--” 

“Come on, Jameson.” Tyler grins, and it’s all temptation there, smooth as silk. Wild, Jamie remembers them calling him, way back at the beginning before Jamie started to see what that wildness covered up. “Cameras are off, you’re off the clock. Take a chance.” He holds up a shot glass, smirking a little. 

Jamie hesitates, but he’d like to see the person who’s strong enough to stand up to Tyler’s smile. 

“One,” He says, and takes the glass. Tyler cheers, then he pours the shots, grabs salt and some limes from behind the bar too. 

“You do know how to do this, right?” Tyler asks, setting it out. Jamie rolls his eyes. 

“Yes, I know how to do a tequila shot,” Jamie retorts. Tyler grins again, then licks at his hand to put salt on it. His eyes are very dark, watching Jamie. 

Jamie swallows, does the same. He can’t look away from Tyler, somehow. It feels like no one else exists, not the show, not the bachelorette, not all the rest of it. Just the two of them. 

It’s a long, long moment. Tyler’s tongue flicks out to wet his lips, Jamie--tries not to look. Tyler’s a fun guy, of course he’s going to be fun. It’s not--anything. 

“Cheers,” Jamie says at last, to break--this. 

“Cheers,” Tyler replies, and tosses back the shot. Jamie does too. It burns, but maybe in a good way. 

///

8) Tyler falls in love on a Tuesday. 

He’d been feeling a little--not homesick, really, but dog sick; he misses his boys more than anything else. And he must have mentioned it to Jamie, or maybe he just talked about his boys more, or something, because he comes downstairs one day and there’s just a dog there, a few of the other guys who are up huddling around him and petting him. 

Tyler follows the leash up to Jamie’s hands, blinks. “Are they yours?” he asks, a little dumbstruck. 

Jamie shrugs, glances away, and blushes a little, like he’s been doing more of since that night Tyler had talked him into taking a shot. “He’s my brother’s, technically, but he said I could borrow him. I thought it might do you some good--all of you,” he adds, too quickly, but Tyler knows that’s not what he meant. Jamie brought in the dog, for Tyler, because Tyler had been feeling shitty; like he’d always done the little things to make Tyler feel better, like he’d known what Tyler needed. 

“Um, thanks,” Tyler mutters, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and crouches down to greet the dog--Juice, Jamie tells him--properly. It’s easier than looking at Jamie. Jamie is--it’s too much. Tyler hadn’t come on the show to find love. 

///

9) Tyler makes it to hometowns, brings the show to meet his family and his dogs, and actually insists that Jamie come along to. Jamie doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes when another producer mentions it. It’s--fine. 

He continues to be fine as Tyler is lovely and sweet with his mom and sisters, as Tyler is adorable with his dogs, as he introduces Liv to each of them in turn. The cameras go on Liv and Tyler’s mom for a little, so then Tyler drags Jamie over, introduces him to each of the dogs too. All of them--humans and dogs alike--clearly love him. 

Jamie gets the feeling. 

///

10) Tyler’s eliminated after home towns. 

Liv pulls him aside, after. “Sorry,” she says, and Tyler shrugs. He likes her, but he can’t really pretend that he’s cut up about this. He’s pretty bummed about how going home means he can’t hang out with Jamie anymore, but he’ll get his phone back, so they can talk. 

“No hard feelings,” he tells her. “I hope you’ll be happy.” 

She grins, a little knowing. “You too, Tyler,” she says, all sincerity, and glances over his shoulder, where the producers are standing. “I’m pretty sure fraternization rules are over once you’re eliminated, you know.” 

Tyler smirks. Of course everyone knew. He’s not capable of being subtle.  “You are honestly an amazing woman,” he informs her, and kisses her goodbye. 

///

11) Jamie’s not surprised that Tyler stops by to say good-bye before he leaves. He’s probably doing it for everyone. He’s a little concerned--Tyler hadn’t seemed too devastated by being eliminated, but you never know. Tyler’s decent at hiding what he’s feeling for the cameras. 

He’s ready to express that, when Tyler knocks on his hotel room door. Except Tyler doesn’t look devastated. He looks--nervous. 

“Everything okay?” Jamie asks, as he lets Tyler into his room. Tyler turns around a little, looking at it--he’s never been here, Jamie guesses. Contestants wouldn’t. But Tyler doesn’t look like a contestant anymore, in just sweatpants and a tank top, his hair a little messy. It’s too messy for TV, but it’s a good look. Somehow, it makes him look older. 

“Yeah. Or, I think so.” 

“I’m sorry, about the elimination--” 

“Don’t be.” Tyler turns to face him. “Look, tell me if I’m off base here, but--” 

Jamie’s about to ask him about what, but then Tyler’s kissing him. 

It takes Jamie a second to get on board, then of course he kisses back. How could he not? Tyler is wild in his arms, pushing, devouring, and Jamie feels wild too, his hands in Tyler’s hair, on his hips. 

They break apart infinitely later. Tyler’s definitely messy now. “Fuck, yeah,” Tyler says, and looks like he’s about to fist pump. “I knew you’d be awesome at that.” 

Jamie’s too dazed to give him shit for that. “What--really?” he asks, and Tyler snorts. 

“You had to have guessed. I’m not subtle, man.” 

“I--I didn’t think you could--there’s all the contestants, and Liv, and--” 

“And you,” Tyler cuts off, and slides his arms around Jamie’s shoulders. “You’re just as hot as the rest of them, you know.” 

“I’m really not.” Jamie’s okay with that. 

“You are.” Tyler smirks then. “Want me to prove it?” 

Jamie really, really does. 

[noona-la-la-la]

Conditioned (Part 6)

(You follow through on your promise for a dinner date and Tae keeps falling in deeper.)

Warnings: 13870 words.  I don’t even want to tell you what kind of sex stuff is happening here because I’d rather you be as surprised as the characters are.  Just know there is a BUNCH of sex stuff.

Chapter 1 2  3  4  5   6  7

Friday at work was a lost cause. Tae had been staring at the blinking cursor on his computer screen for most of the morning, only occasionally typing out a word or two.  He was supposed to be writing a status report for the new project he was working on, but instead he was lost in his thoughts about you.

 Something was different last night.  Tae couldn’t quite articulate what exactly it was, but it felt like the mood between the two of you was shifting.  Unfortunately, he didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign.  He thought about your confession that he held a special place in your memory, but he felt bad that your year in Korea as a teen had been so difficult for you. Still, he couldn’t help but swell with pride that he had provided you with some sense of comfort, even if all he ever did was stare at you from his window.

 The two of you were growing closer; he was sure of it.  The conversation had been easy and comfortable; you opened up to him.  Everything had been going so well, until it was time for you to leave.  

 The thought of you with some other man made Tae unnaturally anxious.  It wasn’t even about you being with another guy; you had been with plenty of guys in the past couple of months and while it never felt great, Tae had accepted it and the jealousy quickly dissipated.  But this was different.  This wasn’t some random man, this was someone you chose to let into your life.  You called him a friend in the same way you called Tae your friend.  This guy was competition for your attention and Tae didn’t even know what exactly he was up against.  

I’m being ridiculous, he told himself.  You were a free woman.  You had no obligations to him and you had been very clear about the way you chose to live your life.  Tae needed to just accept things for what they are.  He was just one of many men you kept around for your amusement.  Most guys would jump at the chance to have what he had with you.  No strings attached sex… if he was even able to call what the two of you did together “sex”.  Whatever it was, you had opened up Tae to new ideas and new pleasures.  His orgasms hadn’t been this intense since he was a teen.  So, you denied him the opportunity to fuck you the way you did those other men… so what?  Tae was free to seek other women to fill in those gaps -- if only he had any desire for other women.  

 The truth was that since meeting you again, Tae hadn’t given any other women any serious consideration.  His head was filled with you.  When would he see you again?  What would you permit him to do?  And what would he have to do to start seeing you more often?

 Tae shook his head, rolled his neck, and stretched out his arms.  It was time to be rid of these pointless thoughts of you and get back to work.  He resumed typing his report, but was only able to stay focused for about ten minutes before his mind started to wander again.  Sunday, he thought.  She’s making a home cooked meal for me on Sunday.  That must mean something, right?

 “Hey!  Earth to Tae!” Tae was startled by Hoseok’s voice behind him.  “Quit your daydreaming.  It’s time for lunch.”

 “It’s lunchtime already?”  Tae blinked, staring back blankly at his friend.  “I really have lost all track of time today.”

 “No kidding.  Every time I’ve passed by your desk today, you are staring off into space.” Hoseok imitated Tae by staring off into the distance, slack jawed. “What are you even thinking about?”

“I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Oh?” Hosek raised an eyebrow and snickered.  “So, your date must have gone pretty well last night.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter.  It was just a wholesome date between two people.”

“She’s the ‘good-girl’ type, huh?  Too bad.  Anyways, you can tell me all about it over lunch.  Let’s go, already. I’m starving.”  Hoseok motioned for Tae to get up from his chair.

“I’m skipping lunch today.  I’m way behind on this report and it’s due by end of day.  You’ll have to go by yourself.”  The report could have easily waited until Monday, but Tae was in no mood to answer the inevitable questions about his date last night.  In fact, he wasn’t sure how to explain his relationship with you to anyone.

“That sucks.  Do you want me to bring you anything back?”

Tae just shook his head and sent his friend on his way.  He went back to finishing the report, until a few minutes later when he was distracted by a thought, I wonder what she’ll cook on Sunday.  She doesn’t seem like the domestic type, but then again she’s an artist and cooking can be a creative outlet...

Tae had just walked through the front door of his apartment when he heard the message notification

 Jimin (6:31PM):  BAR NIGHT!  9PM BE THERE!

 Tae (6:31PM):  Too tired.  Going to bed early.

 Jimin (6:33PM) Fuck U!  Ur coming - I need my wingman!

Tae was in the midst of typing up an explanation of why he didn’t want to go out tonight when the phone started ringing.  It was Jimin.

“I don’t want to hear any excuses.  You are coming out tonight and that’s that!  We haven’t gone out together in weeks.”

“That’s not my fault, now is it?  You’re the one who’s been running around hanging out with other friends or going out on dates with the girl of the month.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a new month and that girl is history.  I need to find a new girl of the month and I need my best wingman there to help me find her.  Besides, it will be fun.  I need some quality time with my best friend!”

“What happened to this most recent girl?”  Tae flopped down on the couch to hear Jimin’s latest tale of woe.

“The same thing that happens with all of them. I lost interest, so I broke it off.  Honestly Tae, I think I need to be more like you.”

“How’s that?”

“Every time I hook up with a chick, I feel the need to date her exclusively.  All I end up with is a month or two wasted on someone who I was always incompatible with.  But you are a master at cutting things off early.  One night stands stay as one night stands.  Maybe you’ll date a girl 2 or 3 times, but then you end it and it’s on to the next one.  God, I don’t even remember the last time you had an actual girlfriend.  It’s probably been a couple years.”

“I don’t know that being like me is such a good idea.  Relationships are good things, aren’t they?”  Tae thought about his last girlfriend and how they broke up almost two years ago.  She had been dropping hints about getting married and no matter how hard he tried, Tae couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life with her.  She was beautiful and nice, she had a respectable job, she was easy to get along with and compliant. She never seemed to have very strong opinions about anything and whenever they argued, she would capitulate and let Tae win. It was more important to her that he be happy than she get what she wanted, and that bored Tae to no end.

“Yeah, yeah.  Relationships are good things when the two people really care about each other and all that.  I just haven’t met the right girl yet.  So, help me find the right girl.  Come out tonight!”

“You really think you can meet the right girl at the bar?” Tae asked.

“No, not really -- but I don’t care.  Just come with me.  I’ll look creepy if I go to the bar alone and try to chat up some girls.”

“Fine.  I’ll meet you there.”  Despite his earlier protestations, Tae was thinking that a night out with Jimin might be a nice distraction from all the thoughts rolling around in his head.

 Jimin was scanning the bar, pointing out all the pairs of attractive single women he could find.  “Okay, I think we gotta make our move fast if you have any interest in trying for those two girls sitting at the end of the bar.  There’s some dude-bro over there checking them out and I think he’s about to make his move… FUCK! Where did those guys come from?!”  Jimin slammed his beer down on the table as he watched two other men strike up a conversation with the women he had been eyeing.

Tae tried not to choke on his drink while watching his friend go red faced with frustration.  “Chill out, Jimin.  It’s not that big a deal.  You’re coming across a little desperate tonight.  What’s with that?”

“I don’t know.  I feel like I’m going through a mid-life crisis these days.”

“Aren’t you a little young for that?”

“Maybe.  I just feel like I’ve been doing the dating thing all wrong.  I say I want a girlfriend but I end up in all these short-term relationships that aren’t really doing anything for me.  Therefore, I’ve decided that, for right now, I think it would be better if I explore my carnal nature and play the field.  A new girl every night!  No strings attached! I want to experience some variety and see what all is out there for me. I’m taking the Kim Taehyung approach to dating.”

“You are so full of shit.  It’s not like you haven’t had your fair share of one night stands.  Besides, I’m not purposefully trying to play the field. Having a girlfriend would be great if I could ever find the right girl.”

“I’m not sure you would know the right girl if she was standing right in front of you.  What exactly was missing from all those girls you’ve hooked up with over the last couple years. Just face it, you’re a playboy by nature.”

Tae picked at the label on his beer bottle. “I would have probably agreed with you a few months ago, but I really think the problem is that I’m not meeting the right kind of person.  My dad always told me that when he met my mom, his whole world turned upside down.  He said that she was completely different from anyone he had ever met before and that she made him see the world in new ways. I guess I’m looking for someone who does that for me.  Instead, all I meet is one girl after the next who seems exactly the same as the others.”

“Maybe you are being too picky.”

“Maybe,” Tae replied.  He thought for a moment about you and how you were definitely different from other girls and you certainly were turning his world upside down.  But romance was out of the question, wasn’t it?  Tae thought for sure you would prohibit it.   He considered for a moment talking to Jimin about you and getting his opinion, but Tae didn’t know how to explain his current situation without getting into all the embarrassing details.

When Tae looked back up from his beer to hear Jimin’s response, he noticed Jimin distracted by a girl from across the room.

“Check her out.  Black jeans with the white shirt.” Jimin discretely tried to motion to the subject of his interest. “I think she’s into me.”

“Which one are we talking about? Jimin, there are at least 10 girls in here wearing an outfit that fits that description.”

“I’m heading over there.  If she turns out to be friendly, I’ll motion for you to come over and you can keep her friends distracted while I talk to her.”

“So, I’m being relegated to the leftovers tonight?”

“Whatever.  She’s hanging out with at least 3 other girls.  Who knows?  One of them might be that girl you’ve been looking for who can rock your world.”

The night at the bar turned out to be more fun than Tae was expecting.  Jimin spent the whole of the evening talking to the girl in the white shirt.  Meanwhile, Tae held court with the girl’s three friends, who fawned over him and seemed to be competing for his attention.  It was an enormous boost to his ego.

One of the girls, Minhee, had unusually short hair and wore her blouse unbuttoned a little further than one would consider tasteful.  She looked different from the average girl in the bar and Tae set his sights on her.  Eventually the other two girls gave up hope and went looking for different men, leaving Tae and Minhee alone together.

Minhee was blatant in her attraction to Tae.  As the night wore on and drinks continued to flow, she leaned in more closely than was necessary to hear him, angling herself so that Tae could easily see down her shirt to the lacy black bra she wore beneath it.  Tae was certain that wasn’t an accident. Minhee laughed a little too loudly at his jokes and took every opportunity to casually touch him, brushing against him as she adjusted herself in her seat or grazing his arm as she spoke.  

At one point, the two of them were sitting side by side and Minhee let her hand rest on top of Tae’s thigh.  Tae spread himself out wide in a sign of dominance, his arm draped across the back of Minhee’s chair, his knees as far apart as they could go until he bumped into her leg.  

He wondered if she would move her hand further up this thigh, perhaps she might be bold enough to rub against his crotch the way he had seen you doing with that guy at the restaurant when he was out with his coworkers.  For once, Tae wanted to be one of those guys.  One of the men that you would go out of your way to pleasure… and if you weren’t going to be the one to do it, then maybe Minhee would.

He wasn’t entirely sure how it happened.  Tae was thinking about you and how badly he wanted to know what it was like to touch you freely and the next thing he knew he was holding Minhee tightly in his arms, his tongue thrust into her mouth while his right hand groping her breast.

“Oh my god, you guys! Get a room already!”  The recommendation came from the girl Jimin was with, who laughed as she said it.  Tae decided to take her up on the idea and leaned into Minhee’s ear, inviting her to a motel a few blocks from the bar.

Tae lead her by the hand out of the bar and down the street, occasionally stopping to kiss her or grope her.  She squealed with delight while Tae squeezed her ass in public.  Eventually they made it to the motel and stumbled through the door of their rented room, lips still locked together.

Once inside the room, there was a moment of hesitation.  It was that awkward moment when two people who don’t really know each other need to figure out what comes next.  “Are you okay with all of this?” Tae asked her.

“Uh-huh.  Yeah,” was all she responded.

“Look, if there is something that you are into or want, you just have to let me know.  Okay?”

“I’m sure I’ll like whatever it is that you like.”  Minhee kept her eyes cast downward while she stepped closer to him, as if she wanted him to kiss her again, but she took no initiative to start the kiss herself.

Tae looked at Minhee and took notice of the shy way she was presenting herself.  It was a look Tae had seen in most of the women he had been with -- she was waiting for him to take the lead.  Thinking back over the evening, Tae realized that Minhee’s flirtations all fell squarely into the category of safe and standard. “Accidental” touches and coy laughter were the go-to tells of every girl he had ever been with.

Except for you.  If Tae was in this hotel room with you right now, you would make sure to take your pleasure and leave nothing to chance.  You always had rules and were explicitly up front about what you wanted and what the limits would be for the evening.  As much frustration Tae felt by the limits you had set on your interactions together, he was doubly aroused by your assertiveness.  Everything you did felt like a precious gift you were bestowing on him and you always left him wanting more and anticipating the next time he could be with you.

Tae took a step back and looked at Minhee.  She was beautiful and willing.  Tae was certain that if he only unzipped his fly, she would drop to her knees with her mouth open.  If he led her to the bed, she would fall back upon it and spread her legs to welcome him inside her body. It would feel so good to be inside that body, Tae reminded himself. Just like if felt good the times he had been with the many other women just like Minhee.

“I’m sorry.  I made a mistake bringing you here.”  Tae couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“What are you talking about?” Minhee looked confused.

“I’m sorry.  It’s not you, it’s me.  You are a beautiful girl and any man in his right mind would want to be with you.  Unfortunately, I’m in kind of a weird place right now and I just don’t think this is the right thing for me.”  Tae started backing towards the door.

“Are you seriously leaving right now?!”  Minhee’s eyes were wide and he voice wavered when she spoke.

“The room is paid for, so stay as long as you want.  It’s all yours.  I’m sorry.  I’m really so very sorry,” Tae repeated his apologies until he was in the hallway closing the motel room door behind him, leaving a cursing Minhee in the room alone.

Tae woke up the next morning in his apartment, naked and alone.  His mouth was dry and he smelled like stale cigarettes and booze.  Rolling over to check the time, Tae was irritated to discover it was only 8:30 am.  “Jesus.  I must be getting old.  I can’t even sleep in properly anymore.”

He didn’t bother showering and instead sprayed himself with cologne to mask the stench before throwing on sweats and a tee shirt.  He staggered into the kitchen to eat a bowl of cereal over the sink while contemplating last night.

The expression on Minhee’s face was burned into his brain.  Tae struggled to understand himself; asking himself over and over why he had done it.  Deep down, he knew the reason was because he was comparing Minhee to you.

Staring at his distorted reflection in his spoon, Tae chided himself.  “You could have gotten laid, man.  What the fuck is wrong with you?  Why are you turning down a sure thing to pine for a woman who fucks everybody but you? Huh?” Since no answers were forthcoming, Tae simply tossed his spoon into the sink full of unwashed dishes and settled into a day full of video games to distract him from his thoughts.

After several straight hours of game play, Tae couldn’t ignore the ache in his legs and the growling of his belly.  He pulled off his headphones and stood up, stretching his arms and shaking his atrophying legs.  Making his way towards the kitchen, Tae grabbed his phone off of the kitchen table where he had left it earlier in the day -- Jimin had been trying to reach him.

11:01am  (Jimin)  You up?  Call me.

11:51am  (Jimin)  R u still asleep?  I need to tell someone my tale of woe!

Missed call  (Park Jimin)  12:20pm

12:21pm (Jimin)  R u with that girl from last night still?

12:22pm (Jimin)  My chick left me high and dry.

12:22pm (Jimin)  At least one of us got laid.

Missed call (Park Jimin) 12:43pm

1:14pm (Jimin)  where r u?  at least text me to prove that girl didnt kill u!

Tae wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, but knowing that Jimin wasn’t going to stop, he dialed his friend.

“What the fuck, man!  Have you been asleep all this time?” Jimin greeted Tae.

“Sorry.  I’ve been gaming all morning and didn’t hear the phone.” Tae opened the refrigerator door to see what was available to eat while he spoke.

“Anyway, last night was a total fucking waste.  I spent all night working on that one girl and I’m thinking she’s into me, so I keep buying drinks and whatever.  When you and your chick took off, I hinted that maybe we should follow your lead.  But she acts coy and shit and tells me she doesn’t want to leave the other girls she came with by themselves just yet, but maybe later.  I should have cut out and found someone else at that point, but I’m a dumbass.”

Tae sniffed a container of leftover Chinese food, wrinkled his nose at the rancid smell and tossed it aside before digging around in the fridge a little more.  “So, what happened?”

The frustration in Jimin’s voice was clear.  “Nothing.  Absolutely nothing happened.  I stuck with her thinking I could get some action, but when closing time comes around and I suggest we take things back to my place or wherever, she tells me that she’s not that kind of girl. Not THAT kind of girl!  She says she never hooks up with someone she just met and then she tells me that I can call her if I’m interested in going out on a date or some shit like that.”

“So, I take it you aren’t going to be calling her?”  Tae closed the refrigerator door and moved to the kitchen cabinets to see if anything worthwhile was hidden there.

“Fuck no.  Dating gets me nowhere.  I’m trying to turn over a new leaf.  I thought I told you this already.”

“What exactly was this leaf you turned over again?”

“You really don’t pay any attention to the things I say, do you?  It’s a new era for me.  I’m not pretending to fall in love anymore.  I want sex. Period. If I happen to fall in love while I’m fucking someone, then that’s great.  But I’m not trying to do it the other way around anymore.  I’m a newly liberated Jimin!”  

 “So how is this new sexual liberation working out for you so far?” Tae teased Jimin.

“I’m still working through it.  I know a couple girls that I think could be down for a friends-with-benefits situation.”

“Whatever.  You should have called one of those girls last night.”

“I tried texting them after I got blown off at the bar.  One girl texted me back that she’s too busy for drop-ins and that I need to plan ahead if I want sex.  The other girl called me back to yell at me for only reaching out to her when I can’t get laid by someone else.”

Tae couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s misfortune.  “You aren’t getting off to a good start.”

“I’m undeterred.  I just picked the wrong girl last night.  But you obviously know how to pick them better than I do.  How’d things go with um… what was her name?”

“Minhee?  Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.”

“Oh?” Jimin asked.  “Was she bad in bed?”

“We didn’t get that far.  I just wasn’t feeling it.”  Tae finally found a rogue packet of ramen noodles buried behind a jar of pickles and cans of tuna.

“What are you talking about?  You were most definitely feeling her when you were at the bar.  She was practically dry humping you at the table.”

“I don’t know.  Things changed after we left the bar.  She was hot and ready and all that, but something felt off, so I bailed.”

“Fuck you.  I’m out here busting my balls trying to get some pussy and you are turning willing girls away.”

Tae felt bad thinking about how he left Minhee in the hotel room by herself.  He wasn’t entirely sure how to explain himself.  “I think I’ve just reached the point where I’m looking for something a little more special.”

“So, what are you saying?  You only want girls that you think are girlfriend material?”  Jimin almost sounded incredulous.

Tae thought about it for a second.  He couldn’t honestly say that he was looking for a girlfriend.  He couldn’t honestly say anything at all because he was as confused by his behavior as anyone else.  “I don’t know that I’m looking for a girlfriend specifically.  I’m just looking for something that feels different.  All these girls seem the same and I’m tired of it.”

“Same in what way?”  

As soon as Jimin asked the question, Tae could hear his phone beep, indicating another call was coming through.  He pulled his phone away from his ear to look at who it was; his throat tightened and his heart started beating a little faster to see your name flashing across is screen.

“Hey, Jimin.  I’ve got another call coming through that I need to take.  Can I call you back later?”  Tae didn’t even wait to hear a response before he clicked over to you.  

“He-ey!” Tae’s voice cracked as soon as he started speaking to you and he faked a cough to cover it up.  “Ahem.  What’s up?”

“I’m at the grocery store right now and I realized that I never asked you what you wanted to eat tomorrow or if you have any allergies or things you hate.”  You were speaking louder than normal to counter the din of noise in the background.

“It’s really noisy there.”

“I know, it’s super crowded in here today.  It’s like every woman with kids in the city descended upon this particular grocery store today.  I feel completely out of my element around so many housewives.  I’m pretending like I’m one of them and acting like I know what I’m doing, but the truth is that I eat out probably 5 nights a week.  I may be a little over my head here.”

Tae imagined you pushing your cart down the aisles, mingling with the respectable ladies of Seoul as they bragged about their children’s school rankings and husbands’ work promotions.  He wondered if they had any idea that a true libertine walked among them.  His mind wandered for a moment while he pictured the scene, you strolling past them with your hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, probably dressed in simple jeans and a tee shirt, looking like any normal girl but oozing sex out of every pore of your body.  He slipped further into his imagination and wondered if you were wearing a bra right now, or if you let your breasts hang freely underneath the imagined tee shirt, your nipples protruding against the thin fabric...

“Tae? Are you still there?”

“Huh?  Yeah, of course.  Sorry, I was distracted by something for a minute.  You know, you don’t have to cook for me if you don’t want to.  We can go out for dinner at a restaurant instead.  There’s a new place that is supposed to be good that isn’t too far from your apartment…”

“No.  I’m definitely cooking,” you cut Tae off.  “I spent the entire morning looking through cook books for ideas and I’m kind of excited at the prospect.  I haven’t had anyone over for a meal since I moved here.  Besides, if you are up for it, I have an idea for dessert that would be wholly inappropriate to do in a restaurant.”

With just a hint of something sexual potentially happening, Tae could already feel the blood rushing to his groin.  “If that’s the case, I’m quite sure I will be happy with whatever you prepare.”

“No allergies?” you asked.

“No allergies.”

“And any foods you can’t stand? Are you okay with western food, or should I stick to a Korean menu?”

“I’m not really a picky eater.  If you make it, I will eat it happily.  I’m just looking forward to spending some time with you alone.”  You were silent on the other end of the phone and Tae worried that his minor flirtation had landed poorly, so he rambled on.  “Is there anything I should bring tomorrow? I’ll grab some wine on the way. Should I get a red or a white?  I can bring a bottle of both actually.  Since I don’t know what you are making and what kind of wine would go best, I’ll get both.  Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.  So, don’t worry about drinks…”

“I’ve got plenty of wine here already,” you interrupted him.  “You don’t need to bring anything other than yourself.”

“Are you sure?  I feel bad showing up empty handed.”

“Well, there is one thing you could do for me before you come over.”  Your voice deepened and the volume dropped ever so slightly, as if what you were about to say was extremely important.

“Okay, what is it?” Tae inquired.

“Shave off your pubic hair for me.”

Tae felt his dick twitch at the request.  “Shave it off?  All of it?”  He felt a little weak in the knees as his mind raced with all the possibilities of why you were making this request.  Was there a sex thing that required bare skin?  Was it just a preference?  Were you displeased with his hairiness? Maybe it was just you asking for him to prove his obedience, in which case he was sure he would end up complying.

“If you want, you can just shave your scrotum and trim back the rest of it.  But I think you’ll be pleased with the results.  Also, and this really is up to you, I think it would be best if you don’t masturbate tonight.  I would love it if you came to dinner with your balls heavy and full and aching to cum.  Can you do that for me?”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” Tae’s mouth was dry and he could barely get the words out.  He crouched on the floor as he became unsteady.  You always did this to him.  He had no idea what was going on or what to expect, but he was certain that he wanted whatever it was that you had planned for him more than anything in the world right now.

“Okay, great!” Your voice switched to loud and chipper again.  “I’m going to get back to my shopping.  Come by my place around 6:30pm.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After hanging up the phone, Tae laid down on the kitchen floor and stared up at the ceiling.  

He didn’t even have words to describe what this relationship with you was.  All he knew was that you kept him in a constant state of desire and he didn’t know how to make it stop if he even wanted to.

Tae held on to a bouquet of flowers with one hand and resisted the urge to scratch his genitals with the other.  The flowers were a direct contradiction of your insistence that he didn’t need to bring anything with him to your dinner date.  His mother had taught him that good manners required that he never accept a dinner invitation at someone’s home without bringing a gift and Tae couldn’t stand the idea of showing up empty handed.  

The overwhelming itch between his legs was a direct result of obeying your other request.  Asking him to shave his testicles was not something anyone had ever requested of him before, but Tae felt it was better to just do as you asked him and to try not to give too much thought as to why you were making the request.  

Tae had always tried to keep his pubic hair trimmed short, mostly because he thought it made his dick look bigger, but it had never crossed his mind to shave it all off completely.  Yet, there he was, standing naked in his bathroom, a brand new razor and a can of shaving cream in his hands, wondering if the guys at the gym would think he was strange when they saw him in the locker room. He shooed away any feelings of hesitation and went to work removing the hair in short deliberate strokes.

The process was going well until Tae started to think about what might have planned for him.  You were just as likely to give him a mind numbing orgasm as you were to send him away desperate and unfulfilled.  He had no idea what to expect, but it was difficult to not get his hopes up and fantasize about the possibilities.  As his mind wandered, he could feel his dick start to stiffen ever so slightly and Tae contemplated jerking himself off -- going as far as lathering up his shaft and tugging at his partial erection before remembering your request that he not masturbate before your dinner.  He stared at his dick in his hand and wondered how you would ever know whether or not he had cum the night before? Certainly you sexual prowess didn’t extend to knowing the exact quantity of semen or strength of ejaculation for a man who had masturbated  24 hours earlier versus one who hadn’t?  And that assumed that you were even going to allow him to ejaculate in your presence, which was certainly not a guarantee, was it?

Wrapping his hand around his shaft more tightly, he stroked himself into a full erection before the feelings of guilt started to wash over him.  You had told him it was his choice, but the last thing Tae wanted to do was disappoint you. Reluctantly, he released his grip and refocused his energies on finishing up his shaving as quickly as possible to avoid the distraction of his arousal.  

He was not nearly as cautious now and rushed through the final steps of his grooming, not paying attention to the dulled razor blade which abraded his skin in the final swipe.  This left Tae with a single inch wide strip of razor burn that looked and felt like and itchy rash and marred what was otherwise an impeccable shaving job.  Now, here he was, standing in front of your apartment, allowing himself one last opportunity to scratch himself through his pants before knocking on your door.

“Well, hi there, handsome,” you greeted Tae wearing an apron and holding a large spoon.

He couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face.  “Hello to you too.”   Pointing to your apron, he commented, “You are looking very domestic.”

“Do you like it? I just bought it and I’m glad I did.  It turns out I’m a messy cook.” You pointed to the splatters of food across fabric.  “I really need to practice cooking more often.  I just hope it all turns out edible.”  You shut the door behind Tae.

“I’m sure it will be delicious.”  Tae followed you into the kitchen. “Here, these are for you.” He held out the bouquet with both hands.

“You didn’t need to do this, but thank you.”  Taking the flowers from his hands, you pulled out a vase.  “They are lovely.”

“I wasn’t sure what you like, but I noticed that in your landscape paintings you have a lot of yellow flowers.  So, I took a chance and got you yellow roses.” There was a pause of silence, making Tae nervous that he might have said something wrong.   “Is that okay?”

Your face broke into a wide smile as you arranged the flowers in the vase.  “It’s very okay.  I’m just impressed you noticed that in my paintings.  Most people aren’t that attentive.”

“Well, I’m not sure why people wouldn’t pay attention to that.  Your paintings are obviously very important to you and…”

You cut him off before he could finish his thoughts.  “Most people who come here are not that interested in what is important to me.  They come here because they want something for themselves.  You are unusual, Tae.  You are special.”

The air in the room seemed to still and Tae could only hear the sound of the simmering stew and his own heartbeat.  He cleared his throat to ease the tension. “So what kind of flowers are in the paintings?  Did I guess correctly?”

“They’re wild daffodils, actually.  My college roommate was from England, and I went to visit her and her family one summer.  They lived out in the countryside and there were all these daffodils sprinkled through the field behind their house.  It was so pretty, it stuck with me.  I guess I’ve always fantasized of someday living in a place like that.  Get away from all the hustle and bustle of city living and settle down in a cottage in the country where I can spend my days painting. Raise a dog and a cat and maybe grow some vegetables.  You know, something like that.”

“You never struck me as a country girl.”

“I’m not.  I just like the idea of it.”  You filled two glasses with wine and handed one to Tae before taking a sip from the other.  “I think it would be peaceful and pretty.  But it’s just a fantasy.”

“It doesn’t have to be a fantasy.  Lots of people live that way.  My folks are living out on a farm these days.  They love country life.  I’ve often thought that if I had enough money to do what I wanted, I would buy a place out in the countryside near them. Settle down out there and raise a family in a place where you know all your neighbors and the pace of life is a little slower.”

“That sounds nice.” You smiled wistfully.  “Unfortunately, as much as I like the idea, I think I would get lonely.  I’m never going to be married and I’m pretty sure my lifestyle would make me the town pariah pretty quickly.”

“How can you be so sure that you’ll never get married?” Tae asked.

“You can’t be serious?”  

“But I am serious.  You never know what the future might hold.”

“No.  In this case, I’m certain.  I’m not going to end up in a loveless marriage like my mother or my sister and spend my days putting on a show for the neighbors.  I’m not going to sit at home, caged by monogamy, being a model member of society, while my husband is out sticking his dick in any girl who’ll spread her legs for him.  No, not me.  I’ve got my own life to lead and I don’t want a marriage holding me back from enjoying myself and doing as I please.”  Your face was stern and determined.

“Is that what it’s like for you back home? Is that why you date so many people?”  Tae blurted out.    Knowing this about your family made so much sense.

“You know, I wasn’t sure what to make for dinner.  I couldn’t make up my mind if I should cook Korean or Western style food, so I found a recipe for something called Korean Style Pot Roast.  I probably shouldn’t have used this occasion to try out a new recipe, but I couldn’t help myself.  Why don’t you take the wine out to the table and I’ll plate the food and bring it to you?”

The sudden change in subject was your signal for Tae to drop it.  He obediently took the wine and did not mention your family situation again.

Dinner went well.  You watched Tae’s face attentively as he took his first bite, sighing with relief when he gave you the thumbs up and told you it was delicious. He didn’t have the heart to tell you the vegetables were too salty and meat too bland.  Instead, Tae asked for a second helping and ate it contentedly, smiling to himself at the thought of your toiling in the kitchen.

The conversation was devoid of any of the tension that preceded it.  The two of you discussed local politics, movies, and life at work.  Tae shared stories of his childhood before he met you and after.  

“You know the school bully?  The one who tried to torment you when you first arrived?” Tae looked at you to make sure you knew who he was talking about.

“Yeah, I remember her.  What’s she doing these days?” you asked him.

“Last I heard, she fell in love with another woman.  Her parents sent her to study abroad in Japan and she met some girl over there, came out as a lesbian and never returned to Korea.  Her parents were super conservative and disowned her.  It’s kinda sad, really.”  

“It is sad.  I know what it’s like to live in fear of being judged unacceptable by your own family.  But as much as I complain about being cast out, I’ve never been completely disowned.  Just hidden away and threatened with having my trust fund cut off.”  You threw back your head and downed what was left in your wine glass before pouring yourself another.

“Does your family know you are bisexual?”  Tae tilted his head, hoping the question wasn’t too personal.

You looked back at him with slight confusion.  “They just know I’m a slut.  But I don’t know if they know for sure that I mess around with other girls too.”

“You never came out to them?”

“Honestly, Tae, I don’t even consider myself bisexual.  I’m just a person who has sex. Mostly with men, but women are fun too.  I just do what feels good.”

“So you are straight but just do girls on the side?”  Tae was confused.

“Does everything have to have a label?  I do what I want, who I want, whenever I want.  I’m not really interested in being boxed in like that.”

Boxed in.   That term stood out to Tae.  He thought about something you said earlier… about not wanting to be caged by monogamy and he wondered why you had such a fear of being trapped.  He had so many questions he wanted to ask, but hesitated because he didn’t want to overstep.

“Everything okay, Tae?  You are awfully quiet over there.”

“Huh?  Oh, I was just wondering if you’ve dated any women since you’ve been in Korea.”  He reached across the table to pour himself another glass of wine, only to find the bottle empty.

Standing up to go get another bottle, you replied to his question from the kitchen.  “You seem to be very curious about my antics with other women.  Is there a reason for that?”  You returned to the table and poured him another glass with a wink.

“I don’t know.  I’ve heard you talk about other guys but never other girls, so I was just wondering.”

Instead of returning to your seat across the table from Tae, you took the chair next to him.  “Finding other women wasn’t exactly a priority when I first got here, but recently I’ve put in more effort.  I’m still figuring out all the proper social cues to seduce other women for my kind of fun.  Miri just about had a heart attack when I offered to finger her pussy a couple weeks ago.”

Sputtering, Tae tried his best not to choke on the sip of wine he just took.  “M-m-miri? The girl you work with?  You propositioned her?”

Laughing at the look of surprise on Tae’s face, you had to set your own glass down on the table to keep from spilling it.  “Oh my god, you should see how wide your eyes just got!  It was a shot in the dark, I’m not surprised she turned me down.”

“I didn’t know you were attracted to Miri.”  Tae remembered how you had previously encouraged him to try dating Miri and couldn’t quite reconcile his thoughts.

“Why not?  She’s cute.  Besides, it’s not like it would be anything serious.  We went out drinking after work one night and she got super drunk and was complaining about how all the guys she’s ever slept with have sucked in bed and she doesn’t even know what an orgasm feels like.  So I offered to help her.  The poor girl is so naive about sex.  She needs to know what an orgasm feels like to help her figure out how to get these assholes she sleeps with to help get her there.”

 “I, I’m, um, uh, I don’t know what to say to that.  Did she freak out?”

 “She didn’t really say much of anything.  First she just sat there looking stunned and then she burst into laughter and told me I was crazy and to be careful who I say those kinds of things to because people might think I’m a lesbian.  Like I said, she’s totally naive.”

“Well, it’s probably for the best.  If she said yes then things might have gotten awkward for you guys at work.”

“Why would it have been awkward?”  Resting one arm against the table, you leaned over to look directly into Tae’s eyes.

“You know how it is.  Sex can really change the relationship dynamic and the two of you would still be working together...and um…”  Tae was feeling a little self conscious as you leaned in closer, still looking him directly in the eyes.

“It doesn’t have to be like that.  This wasn’t an offer to make love or embark on a grand sexual affair.  I was simply offering to help a friend in need. Isn’t helping each other what friends do?  If she needed a lift to the airport, or help moving apartments, I would gladly help her out and no one would think anything of it.  But in this case she needs help with something a little more personal, something sexual, something that I am perfectly equipped to assist her with.”

You leaned in closer to Tae, so he could feel your breath against his cheek as you spoke.  “Imagine it, Tae.  If she had simply said yes, I would have slid my hand up her skirt and under her panties.  I would have gently parted her pussy lips, running my fingers up the sides of her labia, whispering for her to close her eyes and relax, to imagine whatever or whoever turns her on.  I would have tested her hole to see how wet she was, dipping my finger inside for lubrication before dragging it slowly up to that magic little nub at the top of her pussy.  I would have carefully rubbed tiny circles around her clit, listening to her breathing, watching her expression, testing to see what she likes most.  Maybe she’s one of these girls who prefers slow, soft touches; maybe she prefers hard and fast; maybe she needs me to slide back the hood and stroke her clit directly.  Then, once I figure out what she likes, I would stay there, stroking her until I could feel her orgasm, feel that quake beneath my fingers or hear her whimper with ecstasy.  And when it was over, I’d tell her to remember that feeling and to make sure next time she’s with a man, to ask him to touch her that way and not settle for anything less.  Isn’t that what a friend should do?  Be helpful?”

Tae didn’t even realize his mouth was hanging open until he started to salivate at your detailed description of what might have been.  “I guess she really missed out.”  He was acutely aware of how close you were sitting him him, your hand mere inches from his and he fought the urge to grab your hand and shove it down his pants, begging you to touch him like you described touching Miri.  Soft, hard, fast, slow -- it wouldn’t have mattered to Tae.  He just wanted to feel you.  “I can’t imagine you get turned down very often.”

“It doesn’t happen often, but it happens.  Everyone is entitled to make their own choices.”  You leaned back away from Tae and stood up. “I’m going to clear this table and bring out dessert.  I just got some ice cream, nothing too fancy.”

Trying to shake off the sexual tension, Tae stood up and offered to help.  Grabbing an armful of dishes, he followed you into the kitchen.  “I can probably wash these up for you really quickly.  Where do you keep the dish soap?”

“That’s not necessary.”

“Please.  You put in all this effort to cook for me, the least I can do is help clean up.”  Tae turned to look at you while you stood in front of the open freezer, rummaging around for the ice cream.  The blast of cold air in the warm kitchen caused a mist to float around your torso, drawing Tae’s eyes to your chest and making his take note of the way your nipples seemed to suddenly be visible against the fine fabric of your dress.  

“I wasn’t sure what you like, so I got chocolate, strawberry and mango flavors.  Which do you prefer?”

Tae was still staring at your breasts when you turned to ask him about ice cream flavors.  The question barely registered with him.  “Huh?  I’m sorry, could you repeat the question?”

You set the containers of ice cream back in the freezer, shut the door, and leaned back against the counter.  Tae watched as the expression on your face changed and your trademark smirk crossed your lips as you locked eyes with him.  “Do you even want dessert, Tae?” you asked.

“Um… I mean, there’s always room for ice cream.”  Tae fidgeted awkwardly under your gaze, unsure of what exactly you wanted him to say.

“I asked because I thought maybe there was something you wanted more than ice cream.”  You brushed a stray lock of hair from your eyes before slowly letting your hand fall, tracing a line down your own face, past your neckline, until it rested upon your breast where you carefully rolled the nipple between your finger and thumb.  “Do you have a taste for something different?”

Mouth agape, Tae contemplated what he should do next.  Of course, he thought, I have an entire list of things I’d rather have than ice cream right now.  The question was always how much you might be willing to let him have.  Were you still just teasing him or was there a real opportunity for him to be able to have his way with you?  

The silence lingered a bit to long and you prodded Tae to respond to your question.  “What are you thinking over there?  I need you to tell me what you want.”

“You know I want you.  I always want you.”

“So why don’t you say it?  Why don’t you tell me exactly what you want from me?”  You raised your other hand so both hands were now fondling your own breasts, delicately tracing the pointy nubs.

Tae knew what he wanted.  He wanted to rush across the kitchen to grab your face in his hands and thrust his tongue into your mouth.  He wanted to tear the dress from your body and drag you the floor.  He wanted to crawl on top of you, spread your legs and thrust himself into you.  He wanted to see you writhing beneath him.  He wanted to hear you moan his name.  He wanted so many things, but he felt quite certain you had your own plans for what was going to happen and that he would follow along, just grateful for anything you would give him.

“What’s the point in me saying it?  You’ll do what you want anyways.”

Your hands dropped to your sides and you straightened your posture.  “You’re right that I’ll do what I want.  But you still have a say.”  You walked across the room to stand right in front of Tae.  “Would you prefer I start by telling you what I want?”

You were so close, Tae could smell you.   Despite how badly he wanted to be near you, your actual proximity was a little intimidating.  All he could do was eke out a barely audible, “Yes.”

“I’ve really been looking forward to tonight, Tae.  Not only do I enjoy your company, I was remembering how much I enjoyed that time you ate me out.  It’s been longer than usual since I’ve enjoyed the pleasure of a man’s tongue against my pussy.   In fact, it’s been longer than usual since I’ve enjoyed an orgasm of any kind - over a week, I think.  I’m sure you understand that is an unusually long time for someone like me.”

More than a week since your last orgasm.  More than a week.  Tae’s mind reeled while he considered what this meant.  Three nights ago, you left him at the museum to go meet up with a different man.  Does this mean you didn’t have sex with that guy?  He had been so sure that you were off fucking this guy.  Were you saving yourself for tonight?  No, he thought, that couldn’t possibly be true.  Maybe you just liked giving this other guy blue balls the same way you had done to Tae before.  That seemed the most likely scenario. Still… there was something there. He was desperate for clarification, but didn’t want to spoil the moment.

Your hands gripped the fabric of your knee length skirt, which you had now raised to mid-thigh.  “Will you help me end this little dry spell?”

Without a word, Tae dropped to his knees, his eyes fixed to your hemline as you ever so slowly inched it up higher.  He held his breath until the pale blue lace of your panties came into view and then he exhaled loudly, gasping a little.  They were delicate, the color was so soft and innocent looking until he noticed how sheer they were; the cleft of your pussy lips clearly visible through the fabric.  He raised his hands slightly, but hesitated; his hands hovered half-way between the floor and your panties that he had an overwhelming desire to touch.  Tae looked up at you for some hint of what he should do next, only to see your sly smirk before you grabbed the back of his head and shoved it between your legs.

“Good boy,” is the only thing you said.

Fingers tangled in his hair, his face pressed tightly against the lace of your panties.  What had previously looked so delicate and soft, now was rubbing his cheeks raw with friction.  Tae wasn’t sure what thrilled him more, the scent of your sex or the fact that your hand was pressed firmly against his scalp.

He wondered if he could bite his way through the fabric that was now a barrier to the real prize.  Your grip didn’t allow him much movement, but Tae was able to tilt his head slightly to the side and stick out his tongue, hoping it would be long enough to catch the edge of your panties and possibly make contact with some skin.  

His futile efforts were met with your laughter.  “You’re looking a little desperate there, Tae.  What exactly are you trying to do?”

“I want... mmmffffmmhhhmm!”  His words were muffled as you pressed his head tighter into your crotch.  It didn’t matter what he intended to say, because you were in charge, as always.

With your hand still firmly locked in his hair, you started to back away, causing Tae to crawl forward on his knees, following you.  As you exited the kitchen, you let go of Tae’s hair and turned to walk more comfortably into the living area. Despite being free to now stand, Tae continued to crawl on his hands and knees, already having accepted that his place tonight was to be below you.  

He paused for a moment to glance down the hallway through your open bedroom door to the large, neatly made bed that rested within.  Tae wondered what it would take to get invited inside there.  Did you allow others inside your actual bed?  Who were those people?  

“What are you looking at, Tae?”  Your voice caught him off guard and when he turned back towards you, he saw you leaning against a table with your dress unbuttoned completely, falling open to expose not just your panties, but the matching blue bra to go with it.  How long had he been staring at your bedroom to not even notice you undressing in front of him?

“You look gorgeous,” was all he could eke out.  

Letting your dress slip from your body and land in a heap on the floor, you leaned back against the arm of your sofa.  “Do you like it?”  You slipped your thumbs under your bra straps, slowly drawing them down off your shoulders.  “I bought it special for tonight.”  

“Yeah.  I like it a lot.”  That was an understatement.  Just the idea that you had been thinking of him while buying lingerie was making his heart beat uncontrollably.

You rolled your hips enticingly and let your thighs fall open slightly, “They say blue is a calming color.  Are you feeling calm right now?”

“Not hardly.”  The words came out breathy, it was too much effort to speak.  All Tae’s focus was on how badly he wanted to touch you.

“That’s a shame.  We’ll have to do something about that later.”

Tae nodded vigorously.  With a crooked finger you urged him forward to kneel in front of you, eye level with that sheer blue triangle of lace that was barely hiding the prize he sought. Without warning, you pulled your panties to the side, leaving you sex completely bare.  Instinctively, Tae leaned forward, mouth open, tongue extended, ready to taste you.  

He was disappointed, however, when you stopped him with a pointed finger applied to his forehead, where you pushed him back to his kneeling position.  “Not yet” is all you said.  

Tae sat obediently on his haunches, drooling and desperate, but completely obedient, while you spread your lips apart with your fingers, exposing the glistening wet flesh, the hood of your clit, the petals of your labia, the entrance to your vagina.  “For now, you should just look.  I’ll tell you when it’s time to do more.”

Looking was exactly what he was doing.  Tae could feel the pulsating throb of his erection trapped under his pants as he carefully studied every curve and fold of flesh in front of him.  He knelt obediently in front of you, like a dog waiting for its mistress to give him a treat.  Maybe that’s how you saw him too, more like a pet than a man.

The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow while Tae sat on his haunches, his eyes fixed to your sex.  His desire grew along with his impatience at being made to wait. “Do you like torturing me like this?”  

He hadn’t meant to say those words aloud.  

“Is that what you think I’m doing?  Trust me when I say that I have done far more torturous things than make a man wait.  Besides, you can blame yourself for turning me into an exhibitionist. I like it when you are just looking at me.”

You squatted down until you were eye level with Tae, your hand slipped between your legs and he could hear the soft squish of your fingers pumping in and out of your pussy.  Tae tried to maintain eye contact with you, but the sound of you fingering yourself just inches from him was too much to resist.  He cast his eyes downward to see what you were doing only to feel you grab on to the hair on the back of his head, pulling down and forcing his face upwards.  Tae gasped, his lips parting only to be met by your fingers being thrust inside his mouth.

“Suck,” was all you said.

The salty taste of your juices against your fingers just further fueled his lust.  Tae obediently sucked on your fingers, wrapping his tongue around each digit to make sure he didn’t miss a drop.

Leaning forward to whisper in his year, you let go of his hair.  “You know, Tae, whenever I’m denying you something, I’m also denying myself that same pleasure.  You aren’t the only person who is waiting.”

He wanted to ask you what that really meant, but he was muted by the fingers pressed against his tongue.  

“Lay down.  I want to ride your face.”

Tae quickly laid flat on his back per your instruction.  His legs tingled as the blood started to flow back into them after being on his knees for so long.  You stood above him, slipping your panties off before straddling his face and rolling your hips while lowering yourself until you rested just barely above his face.

He inhaled your scent as deeply as he could before he tentatively raised his head enough to brush his lips against the bare flesh of your pussy. The pillowy softness felt good against his face, like kissing a cloud.  Raising his head just a little further, he nuzzled himself deeper, parting your slit with his nose, gently brushing against your clit, his lips now firmly planting kisses into the slick soft folds.

 He strained to see your face from his place beneath you, but you had your head thrown back, leaving him with only a view of your chin.  Tae searched for some clue that he was doing what you wanted, that he was pleasing you.  Extending his tongue, he dragged it through your folds until he felt the hard nub of your clit and circled it slowly.  

 Just then, you lowered your head, eyes closed, your lower lip caught between your lips and your brow furrowed in concentration.  This was the first time Tae had ever seen you with such an expression on your face and it spurred him on to try harder.  Lapping away at your cunt like a starved man, he flicked rapidly at your clit only to feel you pull away slightly.  He changed his technique to a flat tongue, drawing circle eights around the full length of your pussy.  You seemed to respond better to that, letting out a soft sigh.  Pride swelled in his chest and in his dick, which seemed ready to burst out of his pants.

Remembering the last time he was in a similar position with you, he moved from licking to latching his lips around your clit and gently sucking.  This change got you to open your eyes and look at him.  “Yes, like that,” is all you said.  That was all the encouragement he needed to ignore the growing ache in his neck from the strain of keeping it lifted from the floor and keep going.  

Nothing mattered more to him than trying to make you cum on his face. Opening his mouth wider, Tae tried sucking more of your vulva while simultaneously dragging the flat of his tongue against your clit.  That seemed to do the trick. You gasped aloud and fell forward on your knees, no longer able to keep yourself elevated above him.  Tae’s head fell back against the floor while you pressed your pussy harder against his face.  You were on all fours now; if Tae lifted his chin and rolled his eyes as far up as they would go, he could just barely see the undersides of your breasts.  Your face was out of view, but he could hear you softly whispering, “Fuck yes.  Like that.  Just like that,” repeating the words over and over.

Tae’s excitement grew along with yours.  Your hips started to grind into him and it felt like you might just smother him.  He struggled to catch intermittent breaths as his face was buried deeper and deeper between your thighs.  Unthinkingly, he grabbed hold of your backside to steady himself.   When Tae realized what he had done, he waited for you to slap his hands away, but you were too far gone in your own pleasure to either take notice or care.  So, he let his hands wander over the flesh of your buttocks, squeezing them with abandon and drunk on lust.

When he heard you moan aloud, Tae could feel every fiber of his being start to vibrate.  The idea that he caused you to make that sound turned him on more than he thought possible.  When you stopped grinding against him and grabbed his hair, pulling him in further, your thighs locking him tightly in place while your legs started to shake slightly, Tae felt like his heart might just explode.  He wanted to keep going in an effort to make you come again and again, but you instead pushed his head away and sat back on his chest.

“Fuck.  You are really good at that, you know?  Thank you.”

Tae smiled.  “If you think I’m good with my tongue, you should see what I can do with my dick.”

Laughing, you stood up unsteadily and brushed your hair out of your face.  “Feeling a little cocky, aren’t we?”

“Not so much cocky as desperate.” Tae pushed himself up so he was sitting upright on the floor.

“Well, then.  Let’s see this desperate dick that you are bragging about.”  You patted the top of dining table that the two of you had previously cleared of all the dishes.  “Take off your clothes and hop up here.”

Scurrying up to his feet, Tae didn’t pause to think about what would happen next. He simply stripped as quickly as possible and sat on the table in front of you.

“Forgive me for sitting, but you left me a little light headed.”  You sat in one of the chairs with Tae’s naked body laid out in front of you like your next meal.  “I appreciate the shaving job you’ve done here, you really did the whole thing.’ You leaned forward to inspect his genitals more closely.  “It looks like you had a little accident with the razor here.  Does it hurt?”  You extended a finger to point at the razor burn on his skin when Tae’s dick involuntarily jerked upwards, prompted by the close proximity of your hand.  

You laughed aloud.  “It looks like someone really is desperate for some touch. Lay back on the table.  By the way, I noticed how handsy you got while eating me out - so to keep your hands occupied this time, why don’t you hold on to the back of your thighs and pull your knees up towards your ears.”

Obediently, Tae assumed the awkward position.  He felt vulnerable and exposed and wondered if this was what it was like for the many women he had fucked in a similar position -- knees up, spread wide so he had easy access to everything.

He didn’t have much time to consider his discomfort because all thoughts rushed out from his head when you leaned forward, your mouth hovering over his distended cock, and exhaled loudly onto the turgid flesh.  The heat of your breath once again caused his dick to jerk wildly and Tae moaned out loud anxious for whatever was coming next.

“Just so you know, I’m not planning on touching your cock tonight.”

“Fuck.”  Tae couldn’t hold back his disappointment.  “You really do love to give me blue balls.  Do you do this to your other friends?”

You stood up and moved to the side of the table so you could look him cleanly in the eyes.  “If I gave you everything you wanted right away, there would be no reason for you to come back.  And, Tae, I’m not ready for this to end, so I need to leave you wanting just a little.”

There was something so direct and sincere in your words, that it left Tae speechless for a moment.  Before he could figure out what he wanted to say in response to that, you were walking away from the table, calling back to him to “Stay in that position, I’ll be right back.”

He listened to the sound of your feet padding across the bare floor as you returned, setting a pair of latex gloves and a bottle of lube next to him on the table.

“Um… what’s that for?”  Tae’s heart beat a little faster in his chest as he wondered what kind of kinky sinister plan you had up your sleeve.  He already wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to keep up with you, but now he started to worry that you may have something planned that he wasn’t ready for.

“You think I like giving you blue balls?  I’m going to make sure you leave here tonight with your balls drained dry.  If you are up for it.”

“But how…”  Tae was still fixated on the pair of gloves next to him, so he didn’t notice what was happening until he felt it -- your tongue pressed against his balls.  He held his head up as much as he could to try to see what you were doing and watched you fondle his balls in your hand while you laved him with your tongue.  The whole scene was more than he could process.

“I find it so exhillerating to have a beautiful man all bare and laid out in front of me, his most vulnerable bits available for me to play with.  Do you like to have your balls sucked?”

“I don’t know.  No one’s ever tried it before. I generally don’t think much about my balls.”

“Silly boy.  Always too focused on getting your dick sucked instead, I suppose.”

Tae meant to protest, but was completely distracted by the feeling of his testicles being sucked into your mouth simultaneously.  It wasn’t quite like anything he experienced before and he curled his abs to watch the unbelievably lurid sight of you between his legs, you mouth stuffed full of him.  He wasn’t sure which turned him on more, the sight or the sensation.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”

You let his balls drop from your mouth and looked up at him with your lipstick smeared and your hair half covering your face.  “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

Precum was starting to leak from the tip of his cock and Tae couldn’t help but wonder if there would be any way to get you to jerk him off while you played with his balls.  As good as your mouth felt against his balls, it made his dick ache all that much more.  “I’m definitely enjoying myself, but it just makes me want more.”

“More? Like what?”  With that question, you lowered your head again, kissing, licking, sucking at the tender skin over his scrotum.  

Your hair fell forward and brushed against his throbbing cock, the delicate tendrils tickling him and causing him to moan aloud.  “Hnnnngggghhh! Fuck!”  Tae’s head fell back against the table.  “I want to cum.  Please.  I need to. Can’t you just touch my dick?  It won’t take much.  Please,” he begged.

“Is this not enough?” you asked him, wrapping your lips around one testicle at a time.

“It feels so good, but I need more.  Please.  If you won’t touch my dick, can I?  Please.”  

“No. No touching yourself without my permission.  You can jerk yourself off to your heart’s content when you get home.  Are you asking to go home, Tae?”

“No.  No. I just… fuck.”  That girl the other night would have sucked him dry, Tae thought.  He couldn’t help but wonder why he had turned her away for a woman who would sooner let his dick explode than give him what he wanted right now.

“I have a different idea,” you advised him.  Standing up, you reached across the table and grabbed the gloves and lube which Tae had nearly forgotten about. “Do you enjoy having your prostate massaged?”

“Like you sticking your fingers up my ass?”  Tae blurted it out nervously. Aside from the very clinical and unappealing prostate exam done by his doctor, Tae had never let anyone close to his asshole before. His body immediately tensed up at the thought.  

You noticed his discomfort. “It’s okay to say no, Tae.  You always have the right to say no.”

“I don’t want you to hurt me.”  

“I don’t want to hurt you either.  I want to make you feel good.”  You continued fondling his balls while you stood over him, your naked breasts hovering over him, while you spoke.  “I have some experience in this area, you know.  I want to make you cum so hard that you black out.  I want to see that glorious face you make when you are in the throes of ecstasy.  I want to leave you a moaning, writhing mess, with every drop of cum emptied from those beautiful balls.  And I know I can do that if you let me.  But it’s entirely up to you.”  

Tae wanted those things too.  “You’ll stop if I say so?”

You put on the latex gloves, pulling the material taut and snapping it against you skin so the sound rang out in the silent room.  “I’ll stop if you say so. But we’ll go slow and just start with touching you on the outside, okay?”  You grabbed the bottle of lube and poured a generous amount on your fingers.

“Okay.”  Tae closed his eyes tightly and tried to distract himself by thinking about how you looked just a short while ago with your face pressed against his balls.  It was so unexpected and so fucking hot.  That image alone would provide him with months of jerk off material when he was home alone.

But as soon as he felt your fingers, cold and wet from the lube, Tae immediately tensed up again -- clamping his butt hole tightly closed.

“You have to relax to make this enjoyable, Tae.  I promise you are going to be okay. I’m only stroking you outside right now.  Just focus on that feeling right now.  Don’t worry about what comes next.  If you aren’t ready for it, I won’t do any more than this.”

He could feel your fingers circling his hole, and something pressing against his leg.  When he opened his eyes, Tae saw you resting your head against his inner thigh, watching his face with an expression of gentleness that he wasn’t used to seeing.  He had fully expected for you to say that his choice was fingers up the ass or go home, but instead you were being gentle and patient. He didn’t know what to make of this.

Looking him straight in the eye, you said, “You’re cute, you know that?”

The unexpected compliment completely threw Tae for a loop.  He tried to act unfazed, but he could feel a smile spreading across his face.  But the smile quickly turned to surprise when he felt your finger finally slip past the sphincter and press firmly inside him.  It felt so strange to be penetrated, unlike anything he had experienced before.  Again, before his feelings had fully registered, you went back to kissing and licking the tender skin covering his balls.  Tae was reeling.

He wasn’t sure how he felt.  Your mouth on his balls felt great, but your finger inside his ass felt… different.  He couldn’t say he liked it, but then again, he couldn’t say he didn’t like it either.  You poked, prodded, sliding slowly in and out and Tae wondered at all these new sensations.  But then, it happened.

You were inside him, rubbing and tapping against something, presumably his prostate.  It was odd at first, but as you persisted, the feeling intensified.  This felt good.  This felt really, really good!

The suckling of his ball sack was so good, but this new feeling building from inside him was unexpected.  Different.  Tae looked at his dick, laying against his belly, untouched.  He was leaking pre-cum like crazy.  Almost like you were squeezing it out of him.  He was going to cum soon, but his brain couldn’t quite comprehend how this was happening.

He couldn’t help but moan.  His body needed to let out the tension of his pending orgasm and it came out in a series of low guttural moans.  One after the other. The sound caught your attention and you raised yourself up to look him in the eye.  Tae wanted to say something, but he was too far gone and all he could do was whimper.

He saw the change in your expression; your trademark smirk returned.  You knew that in this moment you completely owned him.  But in a flash, the smirk disappeared and instead you lowered your head once more -- only this time ignoring his balls and sucking his dick into your mouth, latching your lips around the tip, as your fingers continued to gently massage his prostate.

Tae came immediately.  The moaning stopped, replaced by gasps and every muscle in his body seemed to contract at the same time.  Tae tried to watch you, but his vision grew blurry as the little remaining blood in his brain seemed to rush to his dick.  He could feel his balls emptying as his dick spurted over and over and over again in what felt like a never ending stream of his seed spilling down your throat. This was, by far, the longest orgasm of his life.

When it was over, Tae lay on the table, covered in sweat, his muscles still twitching -- not yet able to rest.  While he tried to recover, you gathered up your clothes from where they lay on the floor and started to dress.  

Tae watched you in confusion and amazement.  “That was… I mean… I can’t even express how much…”  You turned back to look at him while he spoke and he lost his train of thought.  All he could do was look at your face, looking for some hint of how you were feeling.

“I think I got a little carried away with myself there.  I’m sorry,” you apologized.

“Sorry for what?  I just, um… that was… I’m, uh, I mean… I’m pretty happy with how things have turned out.”  Tae felt a little wobbly on his feet as he got off the table.

You smirked again.  “I’m usually a woman of my word.  I said I wouldn’t be touching your dick tonight, and I didn’t follow through on that.  It’s not fair to you when I set an expectation and then break it.”

“Anytime that going back on your word includes me getting my, uh, you sucking me off, um… I’m okay with that.”  Tae stumbled over his words as he was still trying to gather his wits about him.

You dismissed his words with a wave of your hand.  “I’m sure you have the girls lined up to suck your dick. You could get anyone to do it.  It’s not that special.”

Tae paused as he was pulling his pants on.  “Honestly, I don’t really have much interest in what other girls want to do to me.  I’m only interested in what one girl wants to do with me.”  

He held his breath, waiting for your response to his confession.

Instead, you ignored it.  “I think I lost an earring in all the fun we were having.  Do you see it anywhere?”  You turned away from him to search the floor for the missing gold hoop.

Starting to come down from the high of his orgasm, Tae became slightly anxious.  “Don’t send me home, just yet.  Please,” Tae requested.

 “Where is this coming from?”

“I mean, the night is still young.  Maybe we can watch a movie like we did that one time.  You know, if you feel up to it.”  He hoped he wasn’t coming across as too needy, but the idea of separating from you right now was more than Tae could think about right now.  He didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but he knew that he didn’t want you brushing him off or sending him immediately away as you had done several times before. He just needed some more time with you.

“Uh, sure.  I think a movie sounds good.  I’ve got a couple older ones queued up if you want to take a look.  I’ve been on a kick, watching the classics of 20th century Swedish cinema if you are into that kind of thing.”  You took one look at Tae’s confused expression and offered, “Or we can maybe watch something light hearted and without subtitles if you prefer.  You can pick one while I go get dessert.  If you still want some ice cream, that is.”

“Ice cream sounds good.  You said you had mango?”

After a few minutes, you returned with two bowls of ice cream and settled next to Tae on the sofa to see watch the comedy he had selected.  

“I really enjoy our time together,” you informed Tae.

“I like being with you too.”

“But I worry that you might become really disappointed in me someday.”

“Why would you even say something like that?”

“You know that I don’t do monogamy, right? I’m lousy girlfriend material, but I’m actually a pretty loyal friend.”

“I know,” Tae responded.

“I see the way you look at me sometimes, and concerns me.  I mean, you make me feel special, but that’s probably not a good thing.  I’m not special.  I’m a hot mess.”

 “What are you even talking about?  Your life is a little unique.  But that’s okay -- it’s just who you are.  And you are a good person.”  Tae wondered what was prompting this sudden discussion and hoped it wasn’t an attempt to push him further away just as you were beginning to get closer.

“I’d like to be a good person.”  You looked at him wide eyed and for the first time he saw some hint of vulnerability.  “Anyways, I’m glad we’re friends.” With that, you turned back towards the television and started the movie.  Both of you watched silently, only your spoons scraping the bottom of your ice cream bowls cut the sound of the film.

About two thirds of the way through the film, Tae felt something heavy pressed against him.  You had fallen asleep while watching the movie and were now slumped over and leaning against him.  Tae’s heart beat a little faster at the inadvertent contact.  He carefully repositioned you so that you wouldn’t get a sore neck, but he made sure that your body remained cradled next to him.

Neither of you ever knew how the movie ended.  You, because you were fast asleep, and Tae, because he spent the last third of the film watching your sleeping face and listening to the steady rhythm of your breathing.  Whispering in your ear, just once, “I’m glad we’re friends too.”

[grace-evelyn]

Diary entry 2

Tuesday 26th March 2019

Before I start I just want to make sure that everyone is on the same page and has the same understanding about my job and my industry.

I do not need to be saved, I have chosen to work in this industry and in this job. The only hardship I experience from this job is from outsiders judging.

My job does not define me as a person, it does not make me anything other than a young girl who is confident, extroverted and ambitious. I have worked in retail, sales and hospitality and I still do social media management work and sales every now and then.

I do not come from a broken home and I do not have ‘daddy issues’. These stereotypes are so untrue to my industry and ESPECIALLY the club that I work in.

The men that enter my workplace are not all ‘creeps’ and ‘disgusting’, in fact I have met some of the most incredible people through my work place and I have learnt so much from these people too. I enjoy most of my customers company, they are paying for a service, therefore they are respectful of the women they are paying. I have met elite athletes, actors, singers and CEO’s through work. People make the assumption that dirty hobos come into my workplace- but would this kind of person be able to afford $50 for a 10 minute dance? Or $400 for 1 hour of my time? No, hence why my customers are not disgusting and I do not hate dancing for them or talking to them.

LEARNING TO DANCE/ BEING CONFIDENT ON STAGE

When I first got a job as a dancer I was so nervous but I have always been very confident in bathers/ underwear so that part was okay for me. Tbh if you’re not comfortable in your own skin then you shouldn’t even think about this job. I’ve always been an attention whore and I love being on stage and the centre of attention so that helped too. I did dancing when I was in school but I’d never done pole. I had a 2 hour private pole dancing class at pole princess in the city, I learnt about grip, a few basic spins and how to climb the pole. It was really hard and frustrating but I was happy that I at least knew the basics.

My first night I was sooo nervous and I wore the tackiest outfit lol I also hadn’t bought proper pole shoes so I was wearing a pair of cheap lipstick heels all night.

They gave us a few free glasses of champagne which helped me to Loosen up, when it was my turn I felt a lot better and I actually killed it. The girls said I was a little fast but that is super common for baby strippers. After that I felt fine and couldn’t wait to go on again!

It’s super important to watch what the other girls do on stage and to listen to the music. One of the older girls told me that i had a good body so I didn’t need to move too much, I could be more sensual and it didn’t matter about pole tricks. I think my biggest advice is that audience intersection is your best friend!!! I am all about face and looking into customers eyes- this works so well to build a connection with them without even speaking to them.  

It definitely takes time and I highly recommend watching YouTube videos on how to pole dance just so you know the basics. Also when it’s quiet that’s the best time to practice

2. HOW IT WORKS

every club is different and has different rules, I am so lucky to work at the best club in Melbourne and possibly even Australia- The Men’s Gallery. We are hired as subcontractors and we pay a house fee to work. On weeknights we pay $80 and on weekends we pay $120. Each club charges different amounts though. At men’s we are a non touching club, which means that men are not allowed to touch us at all (with little exceptions like arms or legs), however there are more and more clubs now that are allowing touching in dances. No, we do not offer ‘extras’ and if there are girls doing this in the club they will be fired on the spot.

We make our money from dances and VIP bookings, dances are 3 minutes for $20, 10 minutes for $50, half an hour shower room for $250 and one hour for $400. We’ve just introduced new VIP rooms so we now have a karaoke room and a shower room which is so fun.

The club doesn’t take a cut from what we make but some clubs do.

3. HIRING PROCESS

Again- every club is different but I have worked at four different clubs so I do have an understanding of the main processes of each club. I am 99% sure that no club will ever make you ‘audition’ on stage. However I have heard rumours of spearmint doing this. Most clubs will just run through a few basic questions like whether you’ve danced before and whether you understand the rules, have pole experience etc. it’s pretty chill. They’ll then ask you to take your clothes off and they’ll take a photo of you in your underwear and that’s pretty much it. At men’s they’ll either hire you on the spot or leave you hanging or give you a trial shift. It is really competitive these days and there are always new girls in and out. They can also fire you with 0 notice for whatever reason they want. If management doesn’t like you then they’ll just stop letting you roster on, this ha the same at every club.

4. THE GIRLS

A lot of people always ask me if it’s really catty/ competitive at men’s and I just want to say that all through school I always struggled to get along well with girls and I hated going to an all girls school. But working at men’s I’ve never had so many female friends and I’ve never felt so welcome and warm in a community of women. It is really like a family. However, it did take me at least a year to feel fully comfortable and confident in the change rooms as it can be very intimidating and loud. As a new dancer you can’t just waltz into the changerooms and expect everyone to be your friend because to be honest we don’t really like any new girls at first. You’re fresh meat and you don’t fully understand how everything works. So it’s a really good idea to lay low until you’re welcomed fully. Try to avoid making friends early as well because you want to focus on hustling and making money and the moment you have friends you get lazy!! Also friends always equal drama, that’s unavoidable and you don’t need that at your work place. Be friendly with everyone but avoid getting too close too soon.

5. TIPS

SAVE YOUR FUCKING MONEY. SAVE IT. JUST DO IT. the money you make when you’re a baby stripper will be the easiest money you’ll ever make so fucking make a savings account and put at least $1000 in a week. That’s easy to do. I only started doing this after a year and I regretted it. I know this is like really shocking but you actually don’t need to go to Nobu 3 times a week or buy expensive cocktails every time you go out. Live like you still make $20 an hour at maccas.

GET AN ACCOUNTANT. I’ll never forget when my mate turned around to me and goes ‘what are taxes??’ This bitch had been working in the industry for over a year. If you’re depositing your cash into the bank every week the ATO is gonna come for you. Get a dodgy ass stripper accountant and pay ur taxes. Also get an ABN.

Some strippers live week by week which I don’t get, the golden rule to saving and making money is to make more money than you spend. So if you’re living like a fukn queen and you have $0 in your bank by the end of the week you need to either roster on for another shift or you need to calm the fuk down on the bags and dinners.

DONT PAY FOR YOUR PARTNER. I learnt this the hard way, I didn’t realise I was spending so much on my ex until I was fully over him. Dinners, presents, tickets, drinks, holidays. Everything. If he guilt trips you into spending your money on him because he doesn’t like what you do then DUMP HIM. your partner should love you for you and understand that your job doesn’t define you as a person. WORK IS WORK. Stop guilt spending, save your cash because you may not even be with this person forever like you think you will be, and I promise you’ll feel like an idiot in the end.

LOVE YOURSELF, TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. breaks and holidays are a necessity to avoid stripper burnout. Yes that is a thing and yes it will kill you. This job is tough both mentally and physically and it will affect you in the long run. You need to be proactive in taking care of your body and your mind. No that doesn’t mean drinking alcohol or taking drugs to forget, that means going away for a weekend, doing yoga, having a night in, spending time with family.

[8147]

reading hamlet for the first time (act 5: the finale)

masterlist

none of you told me it was going to be this painful . none of you.

a5s1

“Ophelia’s dead.” “Enter CLOWNS!”

Like im sure this has a different meaning in EMA but im gonna make fun of it because it’s fucking hilarious. (future (present? (now past once more (?))) antares coming back to say i did look at nfs and yeah theyre gravediggers)

“First Clown: What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? Second Clown: The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.” damn not even just this one quote but these are some depressing clowns

hamlet and horatio!

okay there’s something about all of hamlet’s skull talk that makes me uneasy. like, not even the topic, just something in the words and how earnestly and (pardon my pun) gravely hamlet’s speaking about this. and it’s almost a mournful tune, too. it’s a huge difference from his “we’ll all be eaten by the same worms” speech to the point that it’s almost haunting.

“HAMLET: I will speak to this fellow.” C O N F R O N T

“HAMLET: I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.” (incomprehensible scribbling)

HAMLET, NOT IN ENGLAND: oh yeah lol he was sent to england huh u know why lmao

wait. did the. did the pirate situation get resolved. before act V.

I mean i think hamlet mentioned something about three years but the pirates are so fucking glossed over like what the fuck

“First Clown: 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.” HOLY SHIT ROAST THEM JFC

“HAMLET: Let me see. (Takes the skull)” THIS IS THE SKULL SCENE! I fucking KNEW it was bullshit that holding the skull was in the to be/not to be speech. I saw it being presented as such like once or twice while reading and I KNEW IT

hm okay so hamlet picks up this guys skull, of someone he used to know, and sure maybe i could ignore the “those lips i have kissed” but then he goes on to mention alexander the great and i mean come on

but jesus like i feel like im not doing justice to the stuff hamlet’s saying. just, the gravity of it all. Its kinda hitting home a bit hard bc like ive had a crippling fear of what happens after death and being forgotten etc since i was like in fourth grade and this is @ing that phobia

like, with that julius ceasar thing. “O that that earth which kept the world in awe / should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw,” it’s so strange. like, every fucking human who has lived, whether they be emperors, murderers, inventors, peasants, or philanthropists- as long as they weren’t blind, they’ve all looked at the same sky. like. It doesnt matter what the fuck you did or didn’t. It’s wild.

“First Priest: No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls.” hey i get that there are cultural taboos around suicide but like this guy’s a dick it isnt even clear if it was suicide, like, she was so fucking crazy she might not have even known she was, y’know, in a lake or w/e

laertes, dude, my guy. maybe jumping into a grave is cosmic foreshadowing for something you don’t want to happen to you. js.

“HAMLET: [Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane. (Leaps into the grave)” hamlet is NOT one to be out-extra’d (posting-antares here to say, wait, ‘whose phrase of sorrow conjures the stars? is this my aesthetic-speeches-summon-ghosts theory? probably not, but i havent mentioned it for a while)

“LAERTES: The devil take thy soul! (Grappling with him)” IN A FUCKING GRAVE. THEY ARE FIGHTING. IN A GRAVE.

all because hamlet doesn’t want to be out-extra’d. my god.

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping.” Ah yes gertie just talk about the distraught and angry madman as if he isn’t there. that’ll diffuse the situation.

You know what? We still haven’t discussed the pirates.

a5s2

“HAMLET: So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other; You do remember all the circumstance?” If this isn’t gonna be about the pirates im gonna. scream.

“HAMLET: My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,-- O royal knavery!--an exact command, Larded with many several sorts of reasons Importing Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life, That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.” god, though. imagine that. being exiled to another country by the person who killed your father, only to find out that they were going to have you killed, anyways. that’s fucking terrifying. jesus christ.

Damn this idea that pretty handwriting is ~beneath~ nobles confuses me so fucking much. I got called haughty once just because my main handwriting is cursive. I mean, they were right, but their evidence was circumstantial at best.

“HAMLET: That, on the view and knowing of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd.” Hamlet’s Revenge. 

but also, what the fuck, dude. two wrongs dont make a right.

damn i kinda lost myself while reading but it really doesn’t sound like hamlet’s insane anymore. Like he’s… tempered himself. he doesn’t feel insane, just solemn.

“OSRIC: Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. HAMLET: I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?” goddamn ROAST HIM HAMLET (also what a fucking mood)

Osric put on your fucking ha--

The wind is

The wind is northerly

“HAMLET: No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.” I remember someone saying that this is important

Okay here: “HAMLET: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

oh no

Osric just wear ur fucking hat u doof

“OSRIC: Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,-- HAMLET: I beseech you, remember-- (HAMLET moves him to put on his hat)” excuse me a WAGER

but alas all hamlet cares about is osric’s fucking hat

“HAMLET: What's his weapon? OSRIC: Rapier and dagger. HAMLET: That's two of his weapons: but, well.” hamlet u sarcastic little shit i love you

I mean so is horatio. I love him too.

This stuff with the competition is. not gonna end well. not at well.

“HAMLET: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter.”

hamlet no. listen to your heart or whatever. jesus christ don’t do it.

“HORATIO: Nay, good my lord,--” HAMLET LISTEN TO HORATIO

Ohhh hamlet

okay reading what laertes said, you know what? i’m giving laertes one last chance. please do not prove me a fool, laertes. 

everything is giving me mad anxiety. e v e r y t h i n g.

claud’s speech is insanely sketchy

“KING CLAUDIUS: [Aside] It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.” One, so that’s why it was sketchy. Two, the POISONED CUP?

IT’S TOO LATE?

Gertie’s. Dead.

Shit, shit, shit

“LAERTES: [Aside] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.” YES! SO PLEASE! STOP FIGHTING!

“LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES.” Oh no oh no oh jeez eheu they’re hurting each other, shit, fuck,

“LAERTES: ...woodcock…”

“KING CLAUDIUS: She swounds to see them bleed. QUEEN GERTRUDE: No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,-- The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. (Dies)” one, i love how claud is desperatley trying to stick to the plan, its almost adorable in a childish sort of way. two, oh god. ohhh god. gertie. 

Oh no. 

this is the bloodbath. THIS IS THE BLOODBATH.

BODY COUNT: 1

“HAMLET: The point!--envenom'd too! Then, venom, to thy work. (Stabs KING CLAUDIUS)” ...

BODY COUNT: 2

wait and hamlet’s on death row, as with laertes. Oh no.

“LAERTES: He is justly served; It is a poison temper'd by himself. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me. (Dies)’ oh my god already??? I haven’t even really accepted king claud’s death?? jesus christ??

My friend just sorta nudged me and asked if i was alright and i. I’m not. i’m in shock. goddamn. what?

BODY COUNT: 3

goodness thats three in like less than thirty seconds JESUS CHRIST

“HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio.” that’s chilling. just, the poignancy. that’s so fucking spectral. i’m not okay.

“HORATIO: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane: Here's yet some liquor left.” No no no on no nononon NO NO oh my god are you going to-

“HAMLET: As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. … If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.” hey i’m crying in study hall. i’m actually crying. what the fuck. I don’t cry unless i’m thinking about that one pair of 18th century shoes with the really good photo quality (transcribing-antares here. I fucking love those shoes. I’m looking at them right now and they’re so fucking beautiful. they look how velvet feels, which is odd, bc they're apparently silk. I don’t care they’re just so fucking lovely)

F O R T I N B R A S?

“HAMLET: O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.” I’ve identified my emotion. Dread. pure, unadulterated Dread.

for all of you that’ve listened to the penumbra podcast: do you remember the concierge, right before final resting place, saying “you do realize you can just like, leave, and everything will be hunky dory and you won’t have to deal with the emotional consequences this episode will bring you” because i’m seriously considering doing that right now.

“HAMLET: The rest is silence. (Dies)” shit. (posting-antares here to say that i forgot to do the body count but honestly im crying while formating because of this goddamn fucking 400 year old play)

“HORATIO: Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince…” oh god. horatio.

“Good night sweet prince…”

(yet again tis transcribing-antares here to say that im fucking sobbing right now, the shoes are no match for this, and ‘goodnight sweet prince’ is actually never going to leave my head.) (editing-antares here to say im fucking crying again god fucking damn it) (posting-antares back again saying that this fucking line. this line. my god.)

“HORATIO: What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.” oh, horatio. god. that isn’t something said without tears staining your skin and a bitter tone hard-won, not that its possession is a victory.

oh my god. this can’t. no. this can’t end like this. What. no. people must have rioted. No. no!!

i typically hate it but i would GLADLY accept a deus ex machina right about now!!

okay my friend just took my phone away from me and shut it off because i kept on trying to scroll past the end

jesus christ

okay so i’m not going to be okay for like, several eternities, so im going to play the sims until i. until i die, probably. my god.

masterlist

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2018: Lightning round

I didn’t get around to full writeups this season, but here’s the condensed version. It’s a weak season (the weakest in years) with very few surprises anyway.

3D Kanojo Real Girl

What: Otaku loser lucks into girlfriend.

+ Loser is actually a loser, and how

+ Heart seems to be in the right place

- Writing is clunky

- - some of the most amateurish production values this side of Clione no Akari and I don’t think this is made by one guy

Verdict: no

Akkun to Kanojo

What: Short. A guy is rude to his naively cute girlfriend and then stalks her.

- - Creepy, unfunny and dumb

Verdict: naw

Amanchu! Advance

What: Sequel. Ostentatious anime characters enjoy chilling on the beach.

+ Actually chill most of the time

+ looks and sounds good

+ somehow even more gay than before

- - @_@

- - 8D

Verdict: I watched the first season and enjoyed it more than not, so I might as well.

Alice or Alice

What: Short. Siscon 4koma comedy with a lot of fanservice.

- - Creepier, unfunnier and dumber

Verdict: hell naw

Butlers: Chitose Momotose Monogatari

What: Best I can say is that it’s an otome instaharem of shounen fightmen invading Marimite.

+ makes so little sense it’s sometimes funny

- makes so little sense it’s mostly just baffling

- little chance to become legit

Verdict: nope

Caligula

What: What indeed. Virtual idols overwrite reality, a Persona clone ensues.

+ Denpa stuff is actually disorientating and creepy

+ Makes somehow even less sense than Butlers and in a more funny way to boot.

- Still a bunch of nonsense that will probably not pay off in the long run

- - Protagonist spends the first episode being a Sagrada Reset-class blahmancer.

Verdict: 3 ep rule since it’s still a better Persona than the actual Persona and the dude has little time to do stoner philosophy once shit hits the fan

Comic Girls

What: Hidamari Sketch without the charm, a basic comedic Kiraralike where the joke is that the girls embody manga genres.

+ High production values, pleasant to look at

- Typical Kiraralike cast with little personality besides the blindingly obvious

- - Full of jokes that get old before the setup even starts

Verdict: Not worth it

Cutie Honey Universe

What: Ancient proto-mahou shoujo series by Go Nagai gets its fourth or so anime adaptation.

+ Some choice sakuga cuts

+ Generous helpings of Go Nagai sleaze at its finest

- Design is a weird mishmash of current and 70s

- Does not even attempt to explain anything about the show

Verdict: Mainly aimed at existing fans, of which I am not one. If it turns out to be a classic I’ll hear about it

Devils Line

What: Some Tokyo Ghoul-ish thing about the vampyr police. 

+ Probably not half a dumbass fighting shounen

+ nothing too offensive

- nothing particularly interesting either

- looks are completely bland

Verdict: I have already forgotten everything about this

Dorei-ku The Animation

What: Magical devices gives people mind control powers. Everyone’s an asshole.

+ Some actually good character writing

- Trying to be Kakegurui and failing, just too tame for its outrageous conceit

Verdict: Has potential but doesn’t appear to take advantage of it

Full Metal Panic! Invisible Victory

What: Sequel to FMP and it’s still FMP.

+ More serious than basic FMP

- FMP is inherently too silly to attempt seriousness

Verdict: Fumoffu is the only acceptable FMP

Fumikiri Jikan

What: Short about couples(?) at a railroad crossing

+ Reminds me of Tsuredure Children

+ Seems a bit more clever than the usual comedy short

Verdict: At 3m/week, why not

Gegege no Kitarou

What: Truly prehistoric spoopy manga for children about kids who fight youkai.

+ Actually a little spooky

+ Nekomusume

+ Unapologetically for children, but with oldschool charm

+ Does a good job of modernizing the subject matter

Verdict: Pretty good, I’m in

Golden Kamuy

What: Taciturn Ainu girl and tough guy hang around in frozen 1900s Hokkaido to nab some gold.

+ at least sounds like it could have potential

- Does a good job of making its unique setting seem not particularly interesting

- not as bad looking as incensed manga fans allege, but certainly not a feast for the eyes

- okay, that CG bear tho

- - I’m not feeling much character chemistry, which is an absolute killer for this specific setup

Verdict: Probably not

Gurazeni

What: Mediocre baseball pro plans his retirement money

+ not actually about baseball much

- - actually about baseball finances, which is even less interesting

Verdict: Weird but not in a good way

Hinamatsuri

What: Dadfeels show about a yakuza middle manager that gets a girl with superpowers dropped on his head.

+ Nitta being a yakuza thug makes for good comedy

+ Seems way less wish-fulfilmenty than most shows of this type

- Yeah speaking of which, could lose itself in Maidragon-style sameyness

Verdict: I’m feeling it for now

Hisone to Masotan

What: Air Force clerk becomes dragon pilot/emergency food supply. Yeah, the Japanese Air Force secretly has a dragon squad masquerading as F-15s.

++ Psychedelically unhinged dragon vore bonanza

++ Looks really great

+ Secretly a mecha show, but without mecha baggage; Kawamori is involved and it shows.

+ Mari Okada writing means strong characters

- Mari Okada writing means high chance of eventually going into the weeds

Verdict: Either way this is going to be a ride

Isekai Izakaya - Koto Aitheria no Izakaya Nobu

What: Another anime about a Japanese restaurant that connects to a fantasy world.

- Less interested in worldbuilding than Shokudou, and yes I actually enjoyed that aspect

- 100% about Japanese barfood instead

- Weak to nonexistant characters

- - styled like Japanese daytime television, hope you enjoy text plastered all over the screen

Verdict: Isekai Shokudou S2 where

Juushinki Pandora

What: Postapocalyptic robot vs. space monsters fights for the Chinese market.

- Just a bunch of anime characters doing anime things

- - truly hideous

Verdict: I’d rather watch MuvLuv and I’m not watching MuvLuv either

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi

What: Bland girl gets transported to youkai world where she gets macked on by the boss and opens a restaurant.

- Barebones otome harem setup, though shockingly not based on a Vita game

- another fucking cooking show

- - Nothing’s romantic like possessive creepy assholes

Verdict: Nope.

Last Period - Owarinaki Rasen no Monogatari

What: Mobile RPG adaptation that advertises the game to you while making jokes how terrible gacha and grind is. Hey, Konosuba was popular right?

+ Certainly ballsy

- not really funny besides that

- - I already know mobile RPGs suck, but thanks for the heads up

Verdict: Fuck off and take your smug with you

Legend of the Galactic Heroes - Die Neue These

What: Spess men playing spess chess in spess.

+ Credible and respectable

+ Makes LoGH ultrafans mad because it’s not ugly enough

- space war seems like a video game, both visually and tonally

- if it adapts the whole thing, it will take forever

Verdict: Promising, but there’s always the old one which is at least complete. No reason to watch this particular version right now.

Lupin III Part V

What: Lupin is in ur cloud, stealin ur bitcoins.

++ Classic Lupin feel

++ Ruthless modernization of the bells and whistles keeps it from feeling overly familiar like Part 4

- Comes across as desperate occasionally

- Action is extra unexciting for some reason

- Looks nowhere near as good as Part 4

Verdict: It’s entertaining, so why not

Mahou Shoujo Ore

What: Comedy about a bad wannabe idol that works as a buff male mahou shoujo for the yakuza.

+ Core idea is amusing

- - spends most of the time on anything but the core idea, such as hilariously pointing out how it is indeed a cartoon

Verdict: I’ve tried and not picked up much better mahou shoujo parodies

Mahou Shoujo Site

What: Girl is bullied all day at school and beaten up all night at home, becomes a magical school shooter

+ Certainly effective at setting a, um, “particular” mood

- - relentlessly mean and nasty

- - simply no fun at all, with little reason to believe that that’s going to pay off

Verdict: Not looking for a bad time right now.

Megalo Box

What: Classic underdog sports story about a boxing jobber looking for the big break, now with more cyborgs.

++ looks amazing

++ cinematic-level direction and storyboarding

+ doesn’t reinvent the wheel as far as story goes, but it’s classic for a reason

- Overreliance on dog metaphors is already getting out of hand

Verdict: Would be stupid not to watch this

Nil Admirari no Tenbin - Teito Genwaku Kitan

What: Actual PS Vita otome harem about a bland girl with the power to see evil books, which impresses a bunch of handsome combat librarians.

- takes itself far too seriously

- not a looker

- I can’t remember a single character

- - pacing is criminally turgid

Verdict: I know better otome harems.

Omae wa Mada Gunma wo Shiranai

What: 4koma short about how Gunma is weird and Gunma people are even weirder.

+ It’s like a bizarre perversion of a tourism anime

- 4koma jokes

Verdict: Mmmmmmmaybe?

Persona 5 the Animation

What: High school kid finds himself in a weird woke fever dream. It’s P5, you know what it be.

+ Kawakami

- P5 is too known and too long to make a good anime

- serious issues don’t work with the residual Persona silliness

- Not very well made

Verdict: I’d rather watch a LP (or Caligula)

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori

What: Chill boys run a chill cafe

+ very chill indeed, totally works as iyashikei

+ characters are all likeable, even brings the moe in an ikemen show

+ Suwabe! With glasses!

- Iyashikei always has potential to drift into boring sludge

Verdict: I’ll take that chance

Saredo Tsumibito wa Ryuu to Odoru

What: JRPG dudes fight monsters and argue about payment

+ Opening narration is so stupid it made me laugh

+ No seriously, “we changed the Planck constant and now there’s fucking dragons everywhere”

+ a few decent buddy cop moments

- - Rest of the show is just as stupid, but the laughter went away

Verdict: Durr hurr

Souten no Ken Re-Genesis

What: CG men with no neck make frowny faces at each other

- story is vague and hard to follow while at the same time just being an excuse for poses and fights

- - looks like an absolute butt

Verdict: stay far away

Steins Gate 0

What: Sequel. Okabe is sad that Chris is dead.

+ Epic twists will be coming... eventually.

+ Punished Okabe is a better character than he ever was before

- - Rest of the cast is still a bunch of hateable wankers, and even Okabe will be going back to his catchphrase eventually

- - nothing happens in the first two episodes besides establishing that Chris is a Tamagotchi now

Verdict: Possibly a hatewatch but seems to be too dull for even that.

Sword Art Online Alternative - Gun Gale Online

What: Catgirl with pink P90 totally puts serious operators in the PWN ZONE.

+ Main character’s IRL identity seems funny

+ evades most of the memetic SAO failings

- adds a lot of failings of its own

- egregious gun- & tacticool wank

- - boring as shit

Verdict: yeah, guess

Tachibanakan To Lie Angle

What: Unimaginative fanservice 4koma short, but this time it’s yuri so that makes it okay.

- - no, it doesn’t

Verdict: *snore*

Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai

What: Regular Anime Dude™ chances upon a weeaboo princess from Europe and her weeaboo bodyguard.

+ Looks real nice, Doga Kobo delivers

+ anime original, so there’s a chance of it ever going anywhere

- Just about the least interesting setup ever

- - comic relief guy friend is tremendously annoying

Verdict: Nozaki-kun was better.

Uchuu Senkan Tiramisu

What: Short. Some sort of mecha parody.

+ Gundamian masterpiece names like “Vulgar Hummer” and “Pubic Hair”

- not actually funny beyond that

- - at all

Verdict: Seems totally pointless, but what do I know about anime comedy

Uma Musume - Pretty Derby

What: School sports show about horse girls that are also idols

+ Premium production by PA Works

+ Lively and colorful

- awful, overwrought gacha game character designs

- characters are as generic as they come

- the setup is just Kancolle again, but without the “escort” pun

- something this wacky shouldn’t be so predictable and boring

Verdict: 3 ep rule, but 3 eps have passed and it didn’t grab me. So no.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii

What: Adult otaku meet at work, fail powerlevel stealth check, fall in love.

+ Well written characters once you look past their gimmick

+ Much more respectable than most shows with this exact idea

+ Doesn’t lean on references

- Will have to put in some hard work to make it last

Verdict: I don’t want to like it, but I do. At least so far.

[phonghoinghi]

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find a foreign husband.

Content

What Find A Foreign Husband Is usually - And What is actually Not

Some thing You Should Never Carry out With Discover a Foreign Partner

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[pyojihoonmoved]

0-44 owo

wow, this is payback isn’t it. okay let’s do it.

0: Height

5′11″

1: Age

21, 22 in a month i cry.

2: Shoe size

like… 9? 9.5??

3: Do you smoke?

no thanks.

4: Do you drink?

very rarely tbh.

5: Do you take drugs?

no thank u again

6: Age you get mistaken for

I don’t know? I usually am guessed to be my age or maybe a little older?

7: Have tattoos?

no

8: Want any tattoos?

yes please.

9: Got any piercings?

yes, just 2 in each lobe.

10: Want any piercings?

cartilage and maybe more, but i’ve tried my cartilage twice and they failed each time so idk.

11: Best friend?

you can’t make me name just a single one.

12: Relationship status

technically single but unavailable as hecc.

13: Biggest turn ons

yeah you’d like to know that wouldn’t you, ya nastea .

14: Biggest turn offs

🤔🤔🤔

15: Favorite movie

I don’t really have one??

16: I’ll love you if…

you feed me .

17: Someone you miss

no one, atm. well there is someone that comes to mind, a friend I had from middle school to high school

18: Most traumatic experience

I honestly can’t really… think of anything like outright… traumatic ? ? ? so lucky me.

19: A fact about your personality

i’m a pretty resilient person, ig?? i mean if smth gets me down or whatever i’m able to move on from it fairly quickly. there are better things to do than to sit and stress over some shit that happened that you can’t change.

20: What I hate most about myself

a n x i e t y.

21: What I love most about myself

I’m funny? ? ? at least I think so.. 

22: What I want to be when I get older

uhhh… still working on it lmao !

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

better than it used to be, since we’ve gotten older. then again, it was never really bad to begin with, but you know how siblings are with each other when they’re kids. like one time i threw my heavy ass binder at my brother when we got onto the school bus and it hit him in the back bc he was talking shit bout my best friend at the time LMFAO. i was like 10?? at the time?? maybe 11? and he was 12/13?? good times lmao.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

it’s neither here nor there? so i guess its a good one? I don’t really feel comfortable talking to them about anything but we don’t fight anymore so it’s cool.

25: My idea of a perfect date

you know in all my 21 years of life this is something i’ve never sat down and actually thought about and visualized? i think just being with the person I like and spending time together and enjoying each other’s company is enough to make the date perfect. 

26: My biggest pet peeves

when people smack their food/gum loudly!!! holy shit!! or when people wanna leave ur door open when they leave. being late as a result of other people like i can’t stand being late . people who ask you what y’all should get for a meal then say ew when you pitch ideas, even though they hadn’t contributed in any other way besides “hey what do y’all want” and “ew”. anw i’ll end that there i could go on all day LMAO.

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

WOW where to even. pushing aside like obvious things about how cute/hot she is bc like she’s all of those things (((im very gay))), she’s makes me laugh, makes me feel better when I’m feeling bad mostly over stupid shit, and idk, i feel comfortable with her, to where i can talk to her freely and discuss how i’m feeling without being made out to be the bad guy or anything like that. i could spend literally 24/8 talking to her without getting tired of it, which is saying something because there are very few people I can just not only consistently talk to but like look forward to talking to them on the daily. 12312/10 do not regret liking. she’s a very important person to me and even if things don’t go further than where they are now, I’d be okay with that as long as I still have her in my life. and i hope she knows how much i love her and one day believes she’s every bit of important as i think and make her out to be because she is, maybe even moreso. 

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

honestly there isn’t anyone that I like… severely dislike?? people do shit that annoys me and what not but idk there’s no deep seated hatred, only annoyance. ig if I had to answer then the description would be someone that needs to grow the fuck up lmao anw. 

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

I don’t think i’ve ever lied over something serious. like the only time I ever lie is when i make up excuses for why I can’t hang out or whatever, and thats only if they’re not a close friend. if they’re a close friend I usually just tell them straight up lmao hey nah im not feeling it.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

school since I’m in it right now, uhhh. everything lmfao. but specifically that’d be the fact that my class starts at 8am. and the textbooks are boring af.

31: What my last text message says

tbh idk bc i delete mine daily and sometimes several times daily so whatever I said last or someone said to me last it isn’t there.

32: What words upset me the most

“card declined” :(((

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

honestly any compliment makes me like c: but when people tell me i’m funny/have a good sense of humor i’m like extra cccccc:

34: What I find attractive in women

everything . i’m gay. i fucking love girls.

35: What I find attractive in men

are they pyo jihoon? if not then nothing lmao .

36: Where I would like to live

I mean?? I don’t know?? I’m good with anywhere as long as I’m allowed to have pets and it’s like, you know. a decent place.

37: One of my insecurities

tbh I’ve been feeling a little insecure about my weight again these days. and it’s not like I’m really overweight or anything, like not at all. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a normal BMI or whatever for my age but. i got a lot of shit when i was younger for being overweight, mostly from my brother and his friends and even the rest of my family and so on, so i’m a bit ehhh about it. 

38: My childhood career choice

I don’t remember?? I think I wanted to either work with the police or be a lawyer or something, I don’t know.

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

cookie two step by my love blue bell. aka cookies and cream combined with chocolate chip cookie dough

40: Who I wish I could be

uhhhhhh. i don’t know?? I’m alright w/being myself, idk.

41: Where I want to be right now

at home, with blu.

42: The last thing I ate

chick-fil-a. which was several hours ago so i should probabaly make myself food.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

@pushzeen ;)))))

44: A random fact about anything.

UHHHH. UHMMMM. i.... used to want to learn how to sew?? my grandma even bought me a sewing machine when i was in like 5th grade so i could learn, and we started off by making barbie clothes but then family drama happened so i didn’t see her for years. and then a few years back everyone started talking again and so she gave me that sewing machine to take home with me but??? a bitch still can’t sew cause she has no idea what she’s doing on her own lmao. so it’s just chilling in my closet.