#because I said I'd have sex w/ one of our other friends there but then I'd be sad bc he'd leave before I could make him breakfast in the

[buysomecheese]

I mean I don't like putting laundry in/sorting it but I do like folding it! Don't like dusting or mopping BUT I love vacuuming! Also a big organizing fan I loveee to organize lmao

Uh good at baking mediocre at cooking I Can deal with doing My Own dishes but I do not Have Fun with it. I Want to be good at money stuff/finances but it Doesn't make sense- I am willing to help though! Driving not good at it but idm it much and I love doing errands. Will put the groceries away so fucking fast and efficiently you won't even know what to do about it. I can help with first aid and also I can for suresies learn how to clean a bathroom really well I'm already learning about toilets so I can figure out sinks and showers. Don't like walking dogs or cleaning up after pets much though

[deadghosy]

Okay so I just started reading Hazbin stuff on your blog, but they're AWESOME!! I'd like to request some Catnap!reader headcanons with the Vees if that's possible?

SURE! Thanks for the suggestion anon🦆💗

CATNAP! READER W/ THE VEES FOR A DAY

prompt: one of the Vee’s grabbed you out of now where and brought you to their tower to hang out.

You didn’t know how this flat faced person got your attention…more like grabbed your tail like a untrained child 😭

Vox grabbed your tail dragging you to the Vee’s tower as you sighed, leaving some red gas out of your mouth annoyed.

I feel like somehow you would agree to hang out with the Vee’s as long as you don’t see them in your hellish life forever.

I can imagine a picture of you and the Vee’s taking a selfie, but Velvette is on her phone, Vox is smiling at the camera, and Valentino is trying to blow a kiss at you.

Valentino was trying to cook for the other two Vee’s and you only for the kitchen to burn down as you and Velvette order take out as Vox gets the fire extinguisher. Valentino is trying not to touch the ✨pretty fire✨

I headcannon Valentino finding you attractive because if your tall frame. But also your smile as you just stand there smiling having your hands behind your back.

Imagine Valentino showing off his guns and you’re like. “Who needs guns when I can do this.” You said smiling as poppy gas slides through your teeth and knocks Valentino straight out on the ground when you smirk.

I can see the Vee’s and you going in a shopping spree and you decide to fuck with them and spend almost all their saving worth. Vox knew what you were doing so he stopped you.

I feel like the Vee’s will try to use try to get info on Alastor. But that’s mostly Vox so it would useless as you don’t anything form Alastor other than Alastor hates when you knock him out for bedtime

You literally sat there as Valentino was trying to get you to watch one of his sex tapes…you knocked him out and left the room as you grumbled.

I can imagine if it was sleepover it would chaotic as hell as Vox would be the one to fall asleep first and duct taped to the ceiling as the other snicker

For shits and giggles, Velvette will say you give off Lana Del Rey vibes as you just side eye her saying, “what tf you know about Lana Del Rey?”

You two are the best music buddies of modern genre.

Imagine a cute little headcannon where they all have secret matching bracelets and they let you have one.

Vox brought you on his channel to talk about your weird and cocky appearance. You were just on there to be clowned until you smirked letting poppy gas as the camera man fell breaking the camera.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! You dumbass cat!” “I’m dumb?” You said glancing at the man beside you as you slapped him smoothly with your tail as he had a shocked face touching his cheek.

I can see Valentino trying to get catnap! Reader to wear heels only for catnap! Reader to break them in their hands shaking their head no as they walk away again

I headcannon that the only V that catnap! Reader finds tolerable is Velvette because of her whole personality and not how she tries to bring catnap! Reader down

You definitely have that fun friend troupe with Velvette which is sweet and wholesome.

Velvette and you were hanging out on her side of the tower as she was getting you dressed in [style aesthetic]. You actually liked it as you gave her a thumbs up and grin.

I headcannon Velvette and Vox to try to make you do those dumbass TikTok dance trends with them so they could get #1 on the trending board.

I can imagine catnap! Reader ordering one of tose bug zappers to only electrocute Valentino

Velvette posted you and her doing a fashion walk as Angel was shocked seeing this on her page and shows the staff of the hotel.

The hazbin hotel gang will be like: “why tf is our resident hanging out with them?” As you are just trying to see why people even love the Vee’s.

I can headcannon that Vox forced you into a group chat with them

I can see that every time you hang out with the Vee’s, your phone gets blown up with worried text from the hazbin hotel crew. And then Vox will try to hack or get into your phone to disable your phone.

I imagine you and Vox literally shitting in each other. Like you say “why as you so short.” While he thinks of a comeback to say back to you.

I headcannon that if you and the Vee’s played uno together, you’re rigging it. Cause ain’t no one gonna win today.

At the end of the day, you left their asses as you used your red smoke on them…well idk about Vox cause that bitch has a tv head. You probably gave him a virus to circuit.

BRO WHO TF MADE THAT SMIRK FOR CATNAP?! EHH? Anyways I hope you guys liked this🦆💗

[watermelonlovershigh]

Can you write something where y/n is insecure about having a bigger vagina. maybe its during sex or when she's drunk or really however you want to write it.

Drunk Insecurities /blurb/

AN: i've had this in my inbox for a while and found the motivation to finally write it. i hope you enjoy. i know i said my next fic was gonna be a smut but when i thought about how i'd write this, i didn't see smut appropriate for my vision. hope that's okay. remember our bodies come in all different shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful. and remember to leave you feedback : ) also the words are orange rather then yellow in my authors note because tumblr must have took the yellow color away. i can't find it. 😭

This story contains: talks of what vaginas look like, insecurities, being drunk, mentions of sex, fluff

{ husband!harry - softrry - any harry era - non famous harry }

word count- 1,022

As Harry tries to bathe you in the shower after a night at the bar with some friends, you have a drunk meltdown with the thought that he thinks negatively about how your vagina looks.

You were currently drunk in the shower. Your husband Harry was in there with you, holding you upright and helping you wash off the smell of booze that lingered on your skin. You'd went out to a bar with a couple of your other married friends and now it was two in the morning and Harry's trying to help you get ready for bed. Key word, trying.

One thing to know about a drunk Y/n was that you get very emotional. You're an emotional drunk. Some people get silly when they're drunk. Some people get sleepy when they're drunk. Some people get sick when they're too drunk. But you, you'll burst into tears at every little inconvenience or negative intrusive thought.

Like right now, as Harry tries to wash over your body while also holding you upright, you burst into tears for the tenth time in a span of an hour. "Baby, you've gotta calm down f'me. Don't want you to make yourself sick from all the cryin' you're doin'. Then we'd have to shower you again."

"But, but," you begin though heaving breaths as you sob, "do you really like my beef curtains?" In your drunken state, you remembered a conversation you had in the bars bathroom with your friends Melony and Paige. Something about how Melony is insecure about having an "outie" vagina but she nicknamed it as her beef curtains. Then Paige saying she wished she had that problem because she's insecure with her innie. Oh the things girls talk about in bar bathrooms......

You kept quiet in the conversation because you didn't exactly want to share what your pussy looked like to your friends. But on the inside, you were just as insecure as Melony was. You know vaginas come in all shapes and sizes but what if your shape and size was unappealing to Harry. What if behind your back, he discussed how his wife had large beef curtains to his friends and they laughed. Your thoughts are totally irrational but your drunk brain can't help it.

Flabbergasted, Harry yells out, "WHAT!" Not in a mean way but in a shocked way. He's no idot. He knows what that can be slang for but he's not once looked at your vagina and thought, oh she has beef curtains. That sounds totally too offensive for Harry to ever think of saying to a women.

"Harry," you mutter annoyed, "my pussy!! Do you really like the way my pussy looks or have you been lying to me?" Now Harry knows your drunk, drunk. Sober you would never question his love for your pussy. Not with the way he treats it.

"My love, why are you askin me that right now? You know I love the way it looks, baby. I love the way all of you looks. All of your imperfections look." Harry responds as he takes the shower head in his right hand to rinse the suds off your body.

Crying again, you say, "Are you saying my pussy is imperfect?" Here we go again, Harry thinks. In your drunken state, you misunderstood his words and turned them into something he hadn't even meant.

Harry turns the water off and leads you out of the shower where he grabs a towel for each of you. He helps you sit on the closed toilet seat while he wraps his towel around his waist. Then begins to help dry you off. And as he dries you off, all Harry can think about is, are you really insecure about how your vagina looks? Or are you just super drunk.

Because in all the years of being with you, never once has he looked at your pussy and thought anything negative. To him it looks normal. Though he isn't blind with the fact pussies come in all shapes and forms, just like dicks do, but to him, your pussy is his normal. It's the only one he's had for nearly a decade and he almost forgot any other pussy even existed.

Coming out of his thoughts, Harry stands up from where he was kneeled down drying your legs, and coos gently, "Come on baby, lets go to the bedroom and get our clothes on so we can get in bed."

Now it's like you've completely forgot about your meltdown in the shower because you whine, "Can we sleep naked, pleaseee?" You don't always sleep naked. Most of the time you sleep in an oversized t-shirt and panties and Harry sleeps in just his briefs. But when you do sleep naked, it's usually after you've had sex and either you're too lazy to put clothes on or you want to feel close to one another after having sex.

So naturally, Harry's response is, "Fine, but no funny business. Your drunk, Y/n."

With no tears in sight anymore, you grin up at your tall husband and reply, "Hey, I know that. But, what about in the morning, hm?"

"If you're not puking in the toilet from how bad your hangover will be, I'll consider it, okay. But for now, lets go to sleep. I'm knackered." Harry helps you stand on wobbly legs from the toilet seat and helps you walk to the bedroom. Once in there, he peels back the duvet and sheets and carefully helps you crawl in the bed to get comfy.

Harry walks around to his side of the bed and slips his towel off before joining you in bed too. He turns the lamp off and slides over to your body so he can cuddle you. He's a big cuddler. Then before you both drift off to sleep, he whispers, "Wake me up if you need anythin', my love. Like if you feel sick or somethin'. I love you. Sleep well." Though he hopes the two glasses of water he made you drink before you got into the shower will help lesson the chances of you getting sick.

"Love you too, H." you manage to say before you're knocked out cold, loving the way his bare skin feels pressed against yours along with the alcohol in your system.

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @hsfanficsrecss // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @itfeelslikemytherapisthatesme // @damnasstyles  // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet  // @meetmyblondemuffins  // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles  // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles  // @skyangel57   // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss  // @kissmyaxe14  // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore97 // @florencepughily  // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom  // @swiftmendeshoran

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______________

My Masterlist Masterpost

[unholywriters]

Golden Trap

Summary: Finding a place to run a way from the loud city is often harder then some would think. You could wonder into the woods for hours, far from the loud sound of cars blaring horns, people walking with their phones on speaker and them yelling into it, yelling into it so the other person could hear them in order for each other to hear, the constant beeping of machines being used for almost everything that never seemed to have stopped. With of course the pressure of having to fit in, which can bring someone to their breaking pint and there’s no going back from that kind of pressure. But when your boss is a large figure in the fashion world for what seemed like years, it's hard to get away. But why does it seem like he holds a dark secret that no one can seem to remember? Who stays in the castle that he once lived in and why does he want y/n despite fighting so hard with his own captain before getting here?

Tags: vampire Yunho, curious male reader, unprotected sex {wrap it up people its okay to have safe sex}, classic Yunho, modern reader, non-idol AU, vampire AU

Genre: Smut, minors do not interact with

Word Count: 12.7k

Authors note: I'm sorry these fics are taking longer to come out then I'd hope so. Working two jobs is not for the weak along with a family planning a trip for a week but I will keep trying to crank them out, even on the trip unless I can find a way to get out of it. I'm sorry if this felt rushed or not as detailed as some of the others, mainly tigers prey but I do hope everyone enjoys it and it comes out like I imagined it. Please enjoy

“Come on Yunho, you’ve been in this castle for decades! The least you could do was upgrade some of the rooms that we use.” Someone said, overall happy to see his old friend once again after a long day of work and crunching numbers from his office. Running his fingers through his long silky black hair. His dark brown eyes scanning the room of his old home, letting the memories flow through his mind before his eyes landed on his friend. Sir Jeong Yunho, who was holding an old yet prestige tea tray with a silver tea pot and the matching cups. His outfit, some would classify it as the medieval times. Just a nice clean white buttoned up shirt with a black leather vest with the exception of some black dress pants that were gifted to him by another friend of his when they were slowly coming into style. His skin looked like caramel, giving a missed contrast from his dark brown eyes, slowly changing to red while he fixed his long black hair. On his hands were some finger rings, though one of them was sharp enough to leave a deep scratch onto anything and anyone, if it were a living person it would be bleeding some. This was on his left hand, the right hand had on a black glove. Yunho was happy to see his friend, who was dressed in a classic black and white suit while taking off the jacket to also reveal his own white buttoned up shirt. Walking on the stone floor behind Yunho.

“Now now if I were to attempt to do that, the memories would start to fade away. I can’t let any of my old friends forget the times we had in this home of ours now could I, Wooyoung?” He asked, leading Yunho to a clean wooden table that was covered with a black cloth. The chair having a small pillow for comfort and the best view of the still lively garden outside with a view of the stream passing by. Setting down the tray and pouring the red liquid into the cup before setting it down. “I can’t say much, saying how Seonghwa was the last one to leave because he loved the interior. You still take care of everything before any of us come here.” “Speaking of, how is sir seonghwa?” He asked with a. Curious look on his face,w arching as his friend playfully rolled his eyes at the old name. Watching Yunho walk to one of the openings to bring out a small tray of sweet she had made just for times like this. “From what I’ve heard he’s doing well. Though he plans on coming over soon after me, you know seonghwa can’t leave this place for long.” Sarcastically saying, but Wooyoung knows that seonghwa is mainly worried for Yunho. Being left alone taking care of a home that had kept them safe for centuries at this point. Something the others won’t take away from him, but they do get worried for the male.

“Then it’s a good thing I have enough blood for everyone as always, right Wooyoung?” He asked, walking closer to the edge to grab another chair and get it set up close to the table Wooyoung was sitting. Where Wooyoung was simply just taking a. Couple of sips of the blood in front of him before it was clear that he was content with the drink he had. “You’re always prepared for whoever of us decide to come over and have a chat with you.” “It would be improper of me to not be prepared for whenever a guest were to come over.” Wooyoung playfully rolled his eyes as he watched the older male get a table prepared. Sitting there under the bright and welcoming moonlight before hearing the soft calls of others. But it surprised Yunho as he looked up from the balcony while Wooyoung just smiled. Seeing two small bats come into view before getting close to the balcony before turning back to their human form. Softly landing on the stone while the black and red smoke started to clear away and reveal the two humans. Both were bright red eyes but looking more relaxed and happy. One of them walking right to Yunho whist the smoke cleared. Revealing a male with long pink dyed hair that seemed to be bouncing with each and every step. Showing his Carmel tanned skin along with his bright smile with two sharp fangs. His white shirt combined with a black corset that was tied nicely in the back with his matching heels creating excited clicking sounds. With the black sleek pants almost seeming like they were gliding through the air as his arms opened for a hug. “Oh Yunho look at you! You look amazing!” He cheered, happy that Yunho embraced his hug in the same happy manner, even if he was surprised to have guest over like this, where he wasn’t prepared for it.

The other male was standing close to Wooyoung, he was much more shorter then the pink hair male. His hair was more short, it was combed back but curly, it wasn’t black but more of a hazel brown color. His pink plump lips had a lip ring on the bottom lip in the center of it. He smiled softly while pushing aside a part of the fur coat he was wanting, showing a loose black shirt, showing some of his chest while wearing tight black pants, with his black shoes pulling it all together. “Sir Seonghwa, sir hongjoong! Goodness me if I knew there would be more I would have more cups ready! But it is wonderful to see you as well.” Smiling as bright as he could, pulling away and allowing Seonghwa to fix his hair and mainly just take a nice long look at the male, feeling as though its been forever when in reality it’s only been a week. “Now now Yunho, it’s alright if you didn’t get to prepare anything. We just wanted to come and check on you is all. Last time we saw you, you looked a bit…amused by something.” Hongjoong said, walking over and embracing Yunho in a hug. Afterwards Yunho had bowed, almost kneeling but hongjoong stopped him. “Now Yunho, I may be your captain still, but I am no king.” “Old habits die hard, and mine have yet to die out sir hongjoong.” Hongjoong could only chuckle before getting Yunho to sit, knowing that Yunho wouldn’t have done so without the gesture. It was just the four of them happily sitting at the table.

“Now back to what hyung here said, you were actually amused by someone and I didn’t hear about this?” Wooyoung said, looking a bit hurt in a playful way. Looking at Hongjoong’s raised brow and Seonghwa’s curious look while yunho’s ears seemed to have started to turn red. “You see…Sir hongjoong had invited me to a party he was hosting for his business, well one of them. But I was running late when choosing what to wear before he had arrived and helped me get dressed. But before we left I saw a male walking through the woods. And I almost followed them out of the forest till sir hongjoong grabbed me and reminded me why I was dressed up to being with. But I couldn’t find the person once we left.” He answered, watching wooyoung's mouth go wide with a smile as seonghwa wiggled his eyebrows in a playful gesture. Watching hongjoong lean back in the chair with his legs opening some more, getting himself comfortable while the other two started to ask questions. “So someone who works under Hongjoong manage to capture your attention? My my classical Yunho with a modern day human? Could you imagine the conversations?” “Wooyoung, you like it when San makes you silent in public spaces. You can’t say anything related to something like this.” Seonghwa teased, watching Wooyoung cover his mouth to laugh about his own likings. Even if his lover is still a human, he can’t turn him without permission nor would he force his lover to do anything of the sorts, no matter how badly he was craving to do so. Meanwhile Yunho was still pretty flustered. Because it was the first time in a long time, more like decades since someone had captured his dead heart the way it was slowly beating in a way when even thinking about the male. But Yunho and his friends are no regular vampires who simply flirt and give the world. No, they were known as the black pirates for a reason.

They would stalk their chosen partners, almost as if they were being lured into a trap and their only saving grace was for their vampire lover to come to their dying rescue. But in a sick way, mainly why Wooyoung wasn’t ready to ask San, because this was something that would break the two of them, well mainly San sadly. Wooyoung would be prepared for something like this, of course making it up to San in the best ways he was taught how to but other then that, it was like watching a. Sick and twisted horror game come to life only †here was no quitting it and picking it up once again when you felt brave enough. And there was no winning. Which is why not a lot of vampires are created from this group, their ways are horrific, many vampires have even tried to degrade them for it, but they weren’t just simple vampires. If they wanted to be known for something then it would be this and there would be no stopping that no matter how hard someone would have tried to do so. Since Yunho had grown more under the wings and care of hongjoong, he knew just how brutal hongjoong could be when it came to his teachings about this. And he needed to be ready to give his own twist in order for the person he grew attached to understood just how much he didn’t want to do this. But it was going to be done one way or another, and he would not hold back. After all, every lover should give their all when showing the worst side of them, he can’t hide it forever and was trained to so something like this in order to show it. That’s better than not lying now isn’t it?

“Now to be fair, Yunho was raised under Hongjoong before I came into the picture, this male has to be resilient or they’ll crumble before the game can even start!” Seonghwa cheered, licking his fang while sharing a quick glance to hongjoong, who had an approved look in his eye with his head slightly tilted to the right. “So Yunho, am I right about who it is, or do we need to keep preparing for this little encounter of yours, hm?” He asked, slowly leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees, holding his hands together while all eyes turned to be on him.

“You’re right sir Hongjoong, it’s who you think it is.” All hongjoong could do was simply smirk.

----------*-------------

“Y/N, Hongjoong is calling for you in his office again!” Wooyoung cheered, rolling over in his chair to push his way over to his favorite coworker's desk, who seemed to look both interested and annoyed. Y/N is one of hongjoong's many offices workers who was known to be very efficient with their workload, whether it was doing paperwork or computer work with their designs, scheduling their events and parties to even just anything he needed help with a time crunch, so to hear that y/n was needed for something was a shocker. So, peaking in the corner from his computer, he looked at his excited coworker and best friend. “Did he tell you why I was needed or is this a surprise for something?” Y/n asked before sitting up, watching wooyoung stop and cross his legs with a shrug. “Said it was for another gathering he has plans, and we know that you come in great during the time crunch.”  

Y/N looked surprised and kind of used to this. After all, Hongjoong was a well-known person, who loved making his own clothes and didn’t mind making more with the world to see. Standing up, fixing his dress shirt and grabbing his planner and iPad to make sure he had everything. He waved to wooyoung as he walked over to the elevator and pressed the top floor. Hongjoong was also known for having these large lavish gatherings where he was also very picky and stern with his guest list. If you weren’t invited to his gatherings personally, you would not be let in. This was just a safety reason to make sure his gatherings were a safe and open place, and he would not let any drama ruin the vibe of it all, no matter how close they were. 

Y/N was someone he could count on for the arrangements, the two of them would work with seonghwa to make the place grand, which meant that this was going to be a long couple of days, if not an entire week before the place was perfect to hongjoong’s liking. From the location to the food and drinks, to the dress code, to the silver wear. Hongjoong was a perfectionist when it came to these sorts of things, and one mistake would nearly ruin the entire thing and he would start over from scratch till everything was ready. Walking down the dark hallway y/n opened the rich black doors with golden doorknobs. Twisting them and pushing one of them opened. Y/N was greeted by the time bright room, the far back wall was nothing more than just tinted windows to show the view of the city, along with some of the trees in the back. The floors were installed with a midnight black carpet with the walls being painted black with some painting of some random things. Some being of fruit and some even being pictures of him on his trips and designs.  

His desk was in front of the window wall, it was an old antique desk with drawers on both sides, with plenty of room for drawers to be used and kept with storage. Ow of course, hongjoong wasn’t wearing the outfit he wore last night, and neither was his right-hand man. He had changed into a basic black and white suit with only one sliver necklace on, while seonghwa had worn a royal blue suit, which contrasted to his pink hair, but it was something he loved to show off when he got the chance to do so. The two had looked up from hongjoong’s iPad with ideas and hongjoong smiled before slowly standing up, “There’s my little magic worker, just in time to.” “God morning Sir, Mr. Park.” Y/N said, bowing down from their waist, after all it was disrespectful to only bow from the neck, especially to your seniors.  

“I know this is short notice given that I just had a party in the last two weeks. But this one is more of a... private one for those closer to me. There's a lot that we can work with here since they aren’t picky, which gives the two of you more freedom to work with here, making it feel like a relaxing place.” Hongjoong started as he watched y/n walk closer to his desk in order to get a better understanding of what he was asking for. Along with seonghwa having some pictures pulled up of the place they were thinking about, a place here almost no one would hear them, which made y/n curious of the matter of what they were looking at here. “I went walking around in the woods and found this place, it’s still running and there’s a caretaker there, he’s willing to help us, if we choose to see this place. I could take you while hongjoong stays here and maybe can get some more ideas on what he’s looking for exactly?” Seonghwa suggested showing off the pictures to a curious y/n.  

The place seemed to be surrounded by red roses on the outside with a little circle way with a working three-layer water fountain. The outside seemed to be covered in vines, but it was giving off a more relaxed with a more subtle look. “I’m surprised that Mr. Kim was interested in a place like this, but it’s away from the city and you’d be able to enjoy yourself. I don’t mind coming with to see.” Seonghwa brightly smiled before setting the iPad down on desk before the two of them bowed to hongjoong. “Don’t take too long seonghwa, make sure that you’re talking with the keeper to see what we can do. The place is beautiful and I don’t want to break anything or change it.” Staring at the two, he watched y/n walk out of the office first before soenghwa had turned to look at him at the gap of the door. 

Staring at hongjoong's eyes as a smirk slowly appeared on his face as his eyes flashed from their dark brown to the bright red color before leaning back in his chair. Watching Seonghwa's eyes do the same before the door slowly closed as he looked a the picture on his desk. It was only of him and seonghwa with Yunho in the back while seonghwa was holding wooyoung, who was passed out in his arms with blood on his neck and two small holes. He knew this picture was going to be updated, but he needed to make sure wooyoung knew what to do before he would chase someone bigger than him. But with Yunho, he needed to push him. So, he slowly turned in his chair and walked over to the window, where he could see the castle standing in the woods. “My little golden retriever, don’t let me down with this one.” 

 ----------*-------------

Walking through the woods, y/n was close to seonghwa who seemed to walk in these woods a lot, not nearly tripping over anything since the way to get here was still blocked off by fallen tree logs. Seonghwa was slowly scanning the area to make sure Yunho wasn’t there, or really anyone for that matter that would throw off everything that was planned. Unless it was needed. “Mr. Park, do you often come walking here a lot? You seemed to have this way memorized like nothing.” y/n pointed out, watching seonghwa turn his head to look back at them, trying to hide his shy smile while his eyes stayed their dark brown color. “I won’t lie, I do tend to walk in the woods close to my home. Here, let me help you.” He offered, holding his hand out as the two kept walking within the woods. It was a fun little adventure before they arrived at the old castle.  

Where Yunho was trimming the flowers while clearing one of the small pathways before turning his head to look at y/n first, he could feel his ow dead heart slightly starting to beat before bowing to the pair. Taking off the dirt gloves and walking over. “Ah you two must be whom Mr. Kim mentioned over the phone? I’m Yunho, the caretaker of Castle of the Night, or it was also known as dead walkers den. But that’s a myth since no one had ever seen the rulers walk out during the day.” “You must know everything about this place with an introduction like this now Mr. Yunho?” Y/N questioned, seeing how Yunho was even dressed for the occasion while seonghwa watched the two. Seeing how Yunho was giving y/n all his attention and seemed to even glow just a little while listening to every word as if a storyteller was beginning the first part of a story and he was the listener, there to sit and listen. “My family was tasked with caring for the castle when it was built, even when it was no longer in use, we still care for it just in case for events like this. I was told it was for a private gathering, yes?” He questioned, keeping his hands held in front of his torso while seonghwa crossed his arms. 

“Ah yes, he sent me and Mr. Park to come by and get a better look at the place to see what is allowed to be brought in and where.” “Then let’s head inside and I’ll answer any questions, though do be warned. I do not know much about technology.” Seonghwa stayed outside and watched the two walk inside the doors, he ended up looking around some, the memories of when he was first brought here flooding back as if he were reliving that day all over again. It was in the 1910s that he found himself running around in the so-called cursed woods. Where very few came back alive and those who did couldn’t remember what happened or what they saw. Only to die a week later if they were lucky to make it that long. Seonghwa ran in here to escape an arranged marriage that he was almost forced into instead of going to school to run away. But it was here that he met hongjoong, he was kneeled drinking the blood from someone who tried to break a stone off his home. When the two met eyes, hongjoong's jaw was covered in the red liquid with his eyes glowing a dark red while his licked his lips, letting the body fall to the ground before standing up. 

Seonghwa was about to run for it, trying to get away before he was soon to be killed but it never happened. Before he could even move hongjoong was in front of him and held the older man's jaw with his head tilted to the side. “Now now, little bunny, weren’t you taught to never walk into the woods at night by yourself? You could get hurt...or worse.” He teased, feeling seonghwa shake in his hands, but hongjoong didn’t kill him that day. No, he wanted to toy with him. So, he asked seonghwa why he ran into the forest and stumbled here, where Yunho was inside still sleeping after being bitten and turned. So he offered seonghwa a deal, he stays in the castle and takes care of the place with Yunho, and if hongjoong likes it, seonghwa will live as is. And seonghwa took it, seeing how there was no going back home. But one day, hongjoong chased seonghwa threw the forest to get his blood bumping faster along with his heart. Hongjoong's favorite way to turn people, which is something he's rarely done. So when it came to Seonghwa and Yunho, it was clear that these two were very special and very important to him.  

Rubbing the left side of his neck where he can faintly feel the bite marks still. He remembers hongjoong whispering in his ear before he was painfully bit and could feel his life slipping from his hands, but he remembered waking up in a dark room. Where there was a a tub full of water, confused he had walked over and saw his reflection in the water. His long black hair had changed somehow, it was pink, and his eyes were the same dark red as hongjoong. Something that he was confused about before seeing the dried-up blood on his neck and the two holes. He was going to wash it off before he heard the door open and saw him. Hongjoong still had that same black coat he wears today with his hands being held behind his back and he got closer to the shaken elder. “I never knew the changing process could change your hair, then again, Pink does look good on you.” he answered, watching seonghwa try to back away and create more distant between the two which made him only chuckle at the gesture. “Now now, little bunny relaxes. You still have many things to learn about, after all my husband needs to know how to hunt.” (might make a series explaining this) 

“Wait so you know everything about this place? What else do you know?” Y/N asked, still walking beside Yunho, who was carrying a tray with some freshly made teacups as the two walked around one of the main halls that would also take them to the large garden, along with the stream. “They say that the old occupations of the home gave birth to the vampire legend. Do you have an interest in something like this?” He asked, leading y/n to a table and a comfortable chair in the garden to give a view of some of the flower patches and the calm streaming lake. Yunho had served y/n with different color macaroons and a green matcha tea while carrying his famous napkin that was carefully handwashed daily. “Who doesn’t like vampires? Their interest, some can walk in the sun like nothing can harm them, others find it harder to do so without getting hurt. Some spell their vampiric name differently; some hunt for fun, some don’t and some just live peacefully. Though I never got to hear about anything like this before from this place.” Yunho smirked some, pulling up a chair and sitting down, glancing at the water and back over to y/n, giving them his full attention since this was one of his favorite stories to tell. 

“They say the main one, or the captain as he was called, was a kind and adoring leader to his subjects, he could bring anyone to his side with his passion and he was strong. But one day when he was walking through the woods, he was assassinated by the kingdom of the shadows, a longtime rival that the captain had tried his hardest to be friends with them. But this did something to him, they say at night they could hear his pained screams when this happened, and when his second in command went to check, the body wasn’t there but there was a pool of fresh blood. Walking further they found him tearing apart the team of assassins that killed him. He turned from a kind leader to a ruthless killer, which was understandable given how hard he worked. As for the person, they say he came back and said the king was dead since no one would've believed him if he told the people what truly happened. He kept the blood thirsty king in the tower that’s still sealed off, even for events such as this, for safety reasons since he would’ve killed anyone. The second in command was turned after a war, where the people were killed sadly, and their bodies were brunt. When the shadow prince had tried to sit on the throne, in the morning his body being slaughtered, and his body was drained of blood.”  

He watched how nervous y/n seemed to get while telling this story in a calm yet creepy manner. Something that would play into the fear and Yunho could smell it, but he had to stay still. After all, if he started it too soon then everything would be ruined. He needed to wait, even if he could feel his throat tightening, so he just drank his own cup of tea to keep himself calm and sane. “Was he...ever caught?” “Oh, he was after a couple of years, they say he was chained somewhere here with the stunned body of his second in command next to him in a bricked-up cave. He can’t ever get out, from what I know of.” Standing up and walking over, titling his head slightly to the right and kept a soft and welcoming smile. “Don’t be sacred, the cave is far and the last person that went said he died from not having any blood to drink for years. Now that we have your party things ready, I’ll set up everything when I get the chance to. You’re free to come by whenever you wish to, there are just no cars. There are too many fallen trees and anything big would destroy the area. Just take the path. Now let’s go find your friend.”  

The party decorations would be centered around, like a mascaraed ball, with things set up like fountains that would have certain choices of drinks. From water, to wine, to champagne, to even some juice just as a another option. There would be a large arrangement of sweets, some cake, cupcakes, maroons, sweet cakes, brownies, and cookies. With the two choices for dinner being steak with mash potatoes it sweet potatoes fries. Another being salmon fried vegetables with potatoes as well. Hongjoong was a very classy person when it came to these things. Everything had to be perfect and there was no room for area. The dress code was a little strange from what y/n was used to. If someone were to go with a partner, one had to wear black and the other had to wear white. It didn’t matter how it looked, the two had to have some form of black and white to match with each other, and the little get together would be on a Saturday near 10pm, since everyone would be busy and that’s when traffic would start to die down.  

Yunho had asked y/n if they didn’t find someone in time, if he could be his partner for it. Since he wouldn’t have to take care of anything till later in the night and he was perfectly fine with that. Y/n had agreed to it and the two were walking around to find seonghwa, who was still walking around the front of the property but there was something else that confused the pair. Seonghwa seemed to be talking to someone with a concerned tone. “Mr. Park? What’s going on here?” Y/N asked, watching seonghwa turn around with a worried look on his face before holding the younger male's shoulder. “I’m not sure, I was just looking around at the place and thinking where a great place was to have signs to bring everyone else and saw this man, he looked lost but not harmed. I think his name is yeosang?” The quiet male nodded his head, Yunho looked at the male and was trying to hide an excited smile.  

“What should we do? Could we take him back?” “I can take care of him. I have plenty of first aid supplies and can take care of him till someone comes by. You two are on a time crunch I’d imagine and need to submit this to Mr. Kim.” Yunho offered, ushering the male to his side and watched as he stumbled over, looking somewhat dizzy but also very stable to walk over. It was hot outside and maybe Yeosang needed something to drink, which is what Yunho had and knew that if they were to rush to the city, Yeosang might not be the best choice. Y/n watched the male trying to see what all was wrong, and even with his neck covered, he could see that there were two dark spots on the top of his neck but thought it was just a mole. “Oh wait!” Y/N said, grabbing a piece of paper and scribbling down a number and handing it to Yunho, who was turning his head to face them and held the paper. “It’s my personal number, you can call to ask me about anything regarding the banquet and also if this man needs anything.” Yunho held the paper and nodded his head, carefully placing it in his shirt pocket before bowing to the pair and helping yeosang inside to the large heavy wooden doors.  

“How did you like the place so far Y/N? It seems peaceful and away from the busy and loud city noises.” Seonghwa said as the two walked back to the black business car. Where a driver stepped out of the car to open the door as he waited for the two as they slowly walked closer. “It’s a nice choice for hongjoong to pick for the banquet. I take it you will be there as well Mr. Park? You seem very close to Mr. Kim. Are you two dating? He always seems to be looking for you before doing anything else in the office.” Curiosity got the best of y/n as the two of them sat in the car. Putting seatbelts on and letting the driver start their drive back to the company building.  

“I met him when I was just starting my own fashion career. He asked me to do a deal with him and sometime after that, he asked me out when he took me on a gala he was invited to and managed to get a plus one.” Seonghwa answered, watching y/n’s smile grow while learning. “No, you can’t tell anyone else this, he hates people prying on his private life and you know that.” “Oh, I know, don’t worry.” y/n said, knowing damn well they were going to tell wooyoung when they got back and were getting ready to go home to make sure they had plenty of time to get prepared for everything when it came to little ball. Meanwhile yeosang was wide awake, holding his head while he could feel the dirt partials still in his hair while Yunho was dusting off his back, trying to be gentle as possible since yeosang had been asleep for a very long time, and buried with only just enough space to crawl out with his hands. Barely remembering anything at first and slowly trying to come back. 

“Don’t move too much, waking up after a years long sleep like you have is very scary. Take the drink. It will help you feel stronger.” Carefully watching yeosang drink the cup, letting blood drip down from the corners of his mouth till the cup was empty. He let it go with quicken pants as his eyes started to glow red. Feeling like he had just finally tasted fresh cold water while Yunho stepped back and watched how the dirt started to fall from his hair before his thin body started to look more healthy. Yeosang had turned his head to look at Yunho, who had a smile on his face before walking back over with his napkin. “Now then, we have work to do and not a lot of time to teach you before captain comes back, he’ll be thrilled to see that you’re awake along with your old friend, wooyoung.” 

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“Hello? Oh Hey Yunho, oh no I was on my way over there I had to get a driver then I’m walking. I wanted to surprise you with a visit but didn’t want to scare you. I’ll be fast!” Y/N cheered, walking into the woods with their bag in hand, it was mainly their work bag with more pictures of outfits for the pair to try. Since y/n had agreed to be Yunho’s partner two days ago since it was getting close to the date and the two needed to have their outfits and how the colors would fall and match along with just the style of them.  Remembering the trail y/n started to walk to the castle, softly humming and looking around but soon stopped at the sound of a twig snapping close by. It was strange, even though there were some animals around here, they would’ve kept walking around like nothing happened. But this sound stopped before slowly picking back up. 

“Y/N? You look like you just saw a ghost, are you alright?” Yunho asked, peaking from around the end of the pathway and seemed to look confused as he watched them slightly walk faster to him. He kept his hands behind his back as he watched before letting their eyes seem to lock in place and stand closer to each other. “Thought I heard a twig snap before I got here, but I’m sure it’s just an animal.” They said with a shrug, watching Yunho look around before giving a slight nod. “Since it’s winter, most animals are starting to leave or find more food for hibernation. Now come, come I’m curious to see what you have.” He ushered, holding his hand out and placed it on their lower back as they walked up the stairs and back inside. The place was slowly getting placed together with most of the rooms being locked off to the public. The garden’s flowers were still in bloom and the lake seemed to be getting faster as the days went on. The lights in the main ballroom were being cleaned and maintained for the time to come along with the black and white streamers being hung on the walls.  

Pulling out the iPad out of the black work bag and showed some of the designs hongjoong said the two could pick from, since he would have plenty of them and could give them over in such a short notice given with how time was slowly falling into place. One of the designs was two suits, the shoulders were covered in red rubies that would sway from side to side with each step. The second one was somewhat the same concept, but one of the suits had a wrap around black skirt that was an optinal choice to have attached with the other suit having a cape trailing behind. Something Y/N liked the most but wanted to ahve Yunho’s opnion on the matter, since the two of them would be going together for something like this and it was only fair to have both sides agree to something. It wwas somehting different for Yunho to see, sure he had seen hongjoong make things like this before, and often wear his own designs with the biggest grin on his face knowing how some people would act but it never onced stopped him and now he thrives on it. 

“There’s more that you can look through, but this one is my favorite, we can add anything to them without worry, well at least to some degree.” Yunho had slightly tilted his head to the side before looking over to Y/N, his hands were tucked behind his back while his eyes were filled with curiosity. “Well Y/N, your choice is beautiful, but I am curious, what more could you add to an outfit that would look perfect on you as is, hm?” He had a grin on his face while watching them swipe passed some of the other design Choices before showing their one. For Yunho’s suit on the shoulders there were a couple of red rubies here and there, but with some trickling down to the front of the jacket on each side. With the skirt on the other suit have some of the same ones on the bottom ruffles along with a black collar with a red ruby in the center. It was something small, but it would contract with black and white. Y/N did like to add their own little flare to their outfits, so they just felt like themselves. Something they managed to pull off and could walk around happy as could be. 

“I was thinking something like this? If not, I understand-” “This is beautiful to look at. You did amazing with this y/n. Never doubt that.” Being as truthful and Sencere as he could, he watched y/n’s face light up in a way that made him smile at the reaction. It was like watching someone fall in love for the first time, that certain glow that they were getting, how their smile seemed to get more meaningful and truer whenever that person was around or even just speaking about them would turn their entire bad mood into a good thing just because of feelings. Even yeosang, who had walked in the room to ask Yunho a question could see that look in his face, mainly his eyes. “I’ll send them to Mr. Kim to see what he can do, I’m glad you like them. Oh before I forget, how was yeosang when we were last were here?” Asking with a tilt of their head, Yunho turned his head over to look at yeosang. Letting Y/N repeat the same action while yeosang stood there slightly cornered while holding a broom in his hands. He looked in better shape, he wasn’t as dirty or disheveled like he was before and almost looked like an entirely new person. But he did maintain a small smile on his face, mainly it was because he was nervous. He was told about what the others were planning thanks to a very excited wooyoung, who was beyond joyous to have his friend back after years of not seeing him. 

He knew he couldn’t male Y/N worry or question about much, and with the calm yet terrifying look Yunho was giving him while Y/N wasn’t paying attention was all he needed to know before trying to say anything. “Oh...I’ve been good. Just helping Yunho-Hyung out for everything, he’s shown me around and made sure I don’t overwork myself. I just wanted to ask where the inside broom goes.” “The door between your room and mine. No need to be nervous.” Yunho was able to keep his voice calm and tamed when it came to having to keep someone under their thumb while a guest was nearby. Keeping everything the same expect the stare, which is something people would feel instantly when talking or even having to deal with a slightly annoyed Yunho. 

Yeosang  softly bowed and walked down the hall to the broom closet while Yunho turned his attention back to Y/N, looking down at them with a smile on his face that never seemed to leave his face. “The party happens tomorrow night correct? Or am I getting very excited to see you here in your outfit?” He teased, watching Y/N’s smile grow and their face light up. “You have three more days Yunho, don’t get so excited or you won’t be able to sleep for a while. Can’t have my date falling asleep on me when it comes time for the party to start now can I?” There was something inside of Yunho when he heard that roll off their tongue out to the world. Something for his ears to only hear while he stood there smiling, knowing that Y/N would have to leave soon. But he was happy to hear about it, he wanted to hear it more. He wanted to grab them and show them things only movies would be able to show them. 

----------*-------------

“Oh don’t worry Y/N. I will get enough sleep before the big enough.” He said with a smile, watching Y/N bow since they still had to hurry and tell hongjoong what they wanted for the outfits. While Yunho stood there on the stairway with a smirk on his face. By that time the woods would be closed off and there’s no help for a good 20 minutes given how tucked in the place is with all the woods being in a tangled mess. The Food would be the start of the game with Yeosang being the one who gets to explain the rules of it since he has yet to find the one who bit him, who was coming over for this but that wouldn’t take a while. Yeosang stood by the door with a nervous look on his face as he watched Y/N disappear. He wanted to tell her to run, to get out of here and move away from hongjoong and his friends before it’s too late, but it already is. 

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Y/N woke up with a headache and blood slightly dripping from the left side of their head. Looking down at their outfit to see some ripped pieces here and there. It was the night of the party and Y/N had walked inside with Yunho and got to see the others and what they were thinking of when it came to this with their own outfits and creativity. Hongjoong stood out the most, wearing his infamous fur coat with a sliver chain necklace with a white shirt loose shirt underneath with black tight jeans and black platforms. His hands were almost covered in rings while he greeted everyone and lead them to the ballroom. Where everyone was able to dance and have their own drinks and food to eat and enjoy and the flower garden was opened to all. At some point Y/N had walked back there to go and look at the flowers along with getting closer to the stream with a smile on their face. But before they could go back, yeosang had silently ran up to them and tried to get him to run. To tell Y/N to get out of the house and to run away as far and as fast as he can while looking behind him to make sure no one was behind him, listneing in if they could.  

At first Y/N was confused, thinking that Yeosang had nightmare and just needed sometime to get it out. But Then Yunho was walking over, his eyes were still brown but they almost looked lighter then normal, even in the dark of the shadows his eyes still looked bright as he walked over. Yeosang went stiff and gulped just a little as Yunho joined the pair. “Their about to have a toast,  but we can’t do that without the two friends here now can we, Yeosang?” The name almost came out like acid to Yeosang’s ears. Remembering what happened last time he tried to warn Wooyoung that he needed to run, but he failed and it seemed that Wooyoung was thriving in this kind of life not wanting to have it any other out. But with defeat and fear in his eyes he looked at the ground while Yunho and Y/N were happily talking about the events inside before Yeosang arm was grabbed by Wooyoung. Who had a bright on his face but that spark in his eyes, something that Yeosang knew he had to go with him while they walked around to the side of the table across from Yunho while Hongjoong started his toast. Keeping Seonghwa close while he tried to not look either excited or scared. 

“I want to dedicate this toast to all of you. You’re more than just coworkers to me, all of you are important to me and I can’t wait to spend more years with all of you. Even if we fall out of touch with it all, and yet all still come to this old place we manage to call home with Yunho and now Yeosang taking care of it to ensure we can stay here and have a place far away from the loud city. Here we make memories, good and bad, for better or for worse. And we welcome Y/N to the family and give Yeosang a warm welcome to it. So, drink up and let’s celebrate our new beginning.” He raised his dark wine and watched everyone take their sips with their friends. No one set down their glass but Y/N, who seemed to look dizzy almost as he looked down at cup, seeing how it was almost gone but it tasted weird, it didn’t taste like wine. And when he managed to look around, he almost dropped his cup. 

Wooyoung had set down his empty cup with a smile on his face, showing off his bright red eyes and his two small fangs, though they were growing due to the drink he had while yeosang seemed to be trying to wipe the drink off, his eyes glowing red but he didn’t want to smile at the fact that he knew his fangs were growing but he didn’t want to show them off he didn’t feel safe enough to do so and just wanted to get out of here like he did last time. Seonghwa had looked over, licking his own fangs when he heard the cup falling on the ground and breaking, yet again. It wasn’t their own personal cup; it was just a cup they would buy so it could break and nothing else they had would shatter at the realization of what was happening. Y/N didn’t even want to turn up and look up at Yunho and had tried to run, but Yunho’s grip was tight as he set down the cup, which settled in some of the fabric being ripped in their attempted to get out of is grip before he was hit on the side of the head and was picked up by Seonghwa, knowing that now Yunho had to get ready to chase them down while this would result in Yeosang being punished for trying to scare away the new joiner. Which is why he and Wooyoung had to go and explain the games.  

“Now Yeosang, why would you try to scare away Yunho’s partner like that? You just woke back up from your 20-year nap. Wooyoung was hoping you two could still be friends.” Hongjoong teased, walking over and turning yeosang around. His eyes were red still, he was trying to remain calm but wooyoung had holding him from behind, basically keeping Yeosang there while Yunho was going into one of the spare rooms to take off the rich suit he was given and into a black shirt and pants, something that didn’t make noise and something that was loose and more comfortable enough to drink in. Yeosang had tried to keep eye contact with hongjoong while he could feel the dark and haunting gaze of the leader. But nothing was coming out of his mouth to give an answer. “I think you two will enjoy explaining things to Y/N while Yunho gets ready to run. After all, you know he needs his little chase to bring in his own fiancé. Besides, you remember how that felt when you first woke up. Don’t you little Doberman?” 

Now Y/N had woken up in a dark cave, in front of a large stone slab where rusty black chains were still hanging and broken while there looked to be dried up blood stains there. There were fire torches light and nailed to the stone walls. But Y/N would soon see Wooyoung confidently standing with a smirk on his face while Yeosang seemed to be trying to look away. Not wanting to have any part in this situation and just wanted to get out of here and forget that it had ever happened. Something he knew wasn’t going to happen no matter how hard he tried. Y/N looked a mixture of hurt and betrayed by this. Watching Wooyoung walk over and kneel, Y/N was somewhat chained down on the ground with his wrist tucked behind his back. “Wooyoung...what the fuck is going on!” 

Y/N yelled while trying to free their wrist. Trying to look at Yeosang, who was still looking away with his arms hugging himself while Wooyoung started to explain. “Well, a lot of things are going on. Take your pick on what you like to have explained to you.” He started to laugh, clearing his throat with a quick roll of his eyes. “Relax, I’m joking you have a lot to learn about. But it all starts with that same little story I know for a fact; Yunho told you about the lovely place that same prince still calls home.” He hummed while slowly standing up, clicking his tongue loudly and listened to Yeosang’s small footsteps get closer before standing close while holding a small book with the title Blood Thirst. Letting Yeosang keep it since he knew for a fact Y/N had read it before, since it was something Wooyoung saw them at the office with the book before. “Hongjoong, was the prince in this...little book you enjoy. And in that same little tale Yunho told you. After all he was chained down in that very spot watching Hongjoong from across him just losing his mind trying to eat or drink anything he possibly could in that matter. He would wake up hungry for days before one day, seonghwa stumbled right in here thinking the two of them had just died in here. Feeling bad about it he unlocked the chains and soon got chased by hongjoong, who was more than excited at the fact that he was able to run and chase his first live prey thinking he killed seonghwa at first. Till Seonghwa started to change. But of course they had to wake up and turn Yunho to join. After all he had been with captain that entire time, it took them 20 years to get out of there. And now, you get to be part of that! Whether you like it or not. Yunho picked you, out of everyone Hongjoong had let him meet before, he choose the amazing little y/n who was going to soon be chased by him in the same way all of us were chased. But he wanted to be the one to bite you and turn you, it would feel more...intimate for him." 

Y/N wanted to scream, this was a man they had saw as their friend, who was now standing in front him with blood drying on his chin explaining a sick game of cat and mouse and there was almost no way for the mouse to escape without nearly dying in the process. While Yeosang seemed to be hating this idea, there was nothing he was allowed to do but stand there. Looking down and severing out his punishment so maybe he wouldn’t have to be buried in his lonely coffin once more. “Now then, Yunho should be in position for me to let you go and try to run. If you get to the palace before him, you’ll have two options since at this point you know too much and letting you run away and move somewhere is out of the question. Captain doesn’t want or need anyone else to know about his family. You’ll either be forced to drink the captain's blood or Yunho’s and you’ll be locked in a coffin in their place of choice till you turn. Which can be minutes to years, it took yeosang almost 200 years to finally wake up. When you saw him that day, he just finally turned and let’s just say Yunho isn’t willing to wait that long. Yeosang, unlock them.”  

Yeosang had slowly walked over, kneeling to the damp ground and started to unlock the chains. Listening to Wooyoung push over the heavy rock door to show the outside. It almost seemed like the moon wasn’t even shining down on the ground despite it being a full moon. It was almost impossible to see anything but the sound of the chains falling was enough to break the silences before seeing wooyoung’s dark red eyes look down into Y/N’s eyes, smirking as he stood aside the door. “Better start running, he gets excited very easily when chasing.” Wooyoung watched Y/N stumble to get up and started to run. Not too fast to avoid falling from the twigs, bushes and who knows what else on this floor while trying to look around. Trying to see if there were any signs of light, thinking maybe they could run out from the sides and find a way. Or maybe even somewhere to hide without fail, maybe waiting this out to see if Yunho would return home to take care of the castle, leaving plenty of time for them to run back. 

They aren’t one to give up no matter who says, after all if they listened to any of that advice then they wouldn’t have gotten the job they always wanted and have their own expensive home. A wide range of closets or really anything of that matter and were slowly building their own permeant home with no one telling them no, or trying to take control of their own home and how it looks from the outside to the inside. Trying to run in these woods was almost like trying to move through Jello or even water. But also trying to remain silent in hopes of no one being able to hear their footsteps or the sounds of their breathing. Almost being able to get away, noticing the trees were opening and there seemed to be another home, the only place here was that damn castle. All Y/N had to do was cross that line, despite knowing the choice, but maybe this was also to the opened road, the hard part of this would be trying to run back to the city hopeing that no one there would be able to get them or chase them around and bring them back. Getting ready to take another step, two strong arms wrapped around their body and kept them off the air. Watching their feet kick around while the hand was wrapped around their head and pulling it to the side, reveling their neck while the other arm was wrapped around their waist to keep them in place. Despite Y/N’s attempts to kick free and rip the arms off. 

“Kicking just makes it more exciting.” Yunho whispered closely before licking the showing side of their neck. Listening to the muffled screams and cries, feeling the body shaking underneath him before he finally bites down with enough force to pierce skin and start to drink blood. Almost letting out something in return while feeling their body tense up. Slowly removing his hand just to hear that ear piercing scream of pain while hongjoong stood on the stairs watching as the hanging lights finally came back on. Showing the stunned and ruined state of y./N who was shaking in Yunho’s arms as he drank. Tears were falling from their left eye before they started to let out gasp for air. Which were then followed by groans and trying to scratch 

Y/N wanted to scream, this was a man they had saw as their friend, who was now standing in front him with blood drying on his chin explaining a sick game of cat and mouse and there was almost no way for the mouse to escape without nearly dying in the process. While Yeosang seemed to be hating this idea, there was nothing he was allowed to do but stand there. Looking down and severing out his punishment so maybe he wouldn’t have to be buried in his lonely coffin once more. “Now then, Yunho should be in position for me to let you go and try to run. If you get to the palace before him, you’ll have two options since at this point you know too much and letting you run away and move somewhere is out of the question. Captain doesn’t want or need anyone else to know about his family. You’ll either be forced to drink the captain's blood or Yunho’s and you’ll be locked in a coffin in their place of choice till you turn. Which can be minutes to years, it took yeosang almost 200 years to finally wake up. When you saw him that day, he just finally turned and let’s just say Yunho isn’t willing to wait that long. Yeosang, unlock them.”  

Yeosang had slowly walked over, kneeling to the damp ground and started to unlock the chains. Listening to Wooyoung push over the heavy rock door to show the outside. It almost seemed like the moon wasn’t even shining down on the ground despite it being a full moon. It was almost impossible to see anything but the sound of the chains falling was enough to break the silences before seeing wooyoung’s dark red eyes look down into Y/N’s eyes, smirking as he stood aside the door. “Better start running, he gets excited very easily when chasing.” Wooyoung watched Y/N stumble to get up and started to run. Not too fast to avoid falling from the twigs, bushes and who knows what else on this floor while trying to look around. Trying to see if there were any signs of light, thinking maybe they could run out from the sides and find a way. Or maybe even somewhere to hide without fail, maybe waiting this out to see if Yunho would return home to take care of the castle, leaving plenty of time for them to run back. 

They aren’t one to give up no matter who says, after all if they listened to any of that advice then they wouldn’t have gotten the job they always wanted and have their own expensive home. A wide range of closets or really anything of that matter and were slowly building their own permeant home with no one telling them no, or trying to take control of their own home and how it looks from the outside to the inside. Trying to run in these woods was almost like trying to move through Jello or even water. But also trying to remain silent in hopes of no one being able to hear their footsteps or the sounds of their breathing. Almost being able to get away, noticing the trees were opening and there seemed to be another home, the only place here was that damn castle. All Y/N had to do was cross that line, despite knowing the choice, but maybe this was also to the opened road, the hard part of this would be trying to run back to the city hopeing that no one there would be able to get them or chase them around and bring them back. Getting ready to take another step, two strong arms wrapped around their body and kept them off the air. Watching their feet kick around while the hand was wrapped around their head and pulling it to the side, reveling their neck while the other arm was wrapped around their waist to keep them in place. Despite Y/N’s attempts to kick free and rip the arms off. 

“Kicking just makes it more exciting.” Yunho whispered closely before licking the showing side of their neck.Watching Y/N continue to struggle and kick as hard as he could in order to finally break from Yunho’s grip, but this is a man who wears little finger armor, just enough pressure can cut anyones skin if he were to lace anything with it to his advatnage but in this case he was reayd to just use it for a tease. Leaning over and licking the side of their neck, hearing the squeak and ignoring the bleeding from his cut sleeve arm, he finally bit down into the place he wanted to. Making sure his grip was tight as he drank and kept them in place while his eyes remained closed before dropping Y/N as he leaned his head back and let out a relieved sigh while licking his lips before looking down to see them trying to roll around before looking up to show their eyes.

  

From their beautiful natural color to a dark blood red with two small baby fangs starting to show. The feeling felt like something was starting to rp the very blood from your body in every pore that was on your body. Everything was burning and stinging. Wanting to do nothing more than run away from the feeling but it was stuck staying there and feeling something change in you but there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Not even you. Everything was feeling way too light, bright, burning and too fast to grabble and understand before finally falling limp in Yunho’s arms. His lips and jaw were covered as he slowly pulled away and let out a Shakey and relaxed sigh. He looked over to the stairs, where Hongjoong was swirling a cup of drinks from easier with Seonghwa standing close next to him with his hands tucked behind his back. Wooyoung had dragged over Yeosang with a skip of his feet while everyone slowly looked down to see if Y/N would start to twitch. Their fingers started to twitch as Yunho started to walk up the stairs before Y/N”s eyes shot opened. Scrambling out of Yunho's arms onto the hard stone of the platform of the stairs. Watching them slowly look up at hongjoong who had that same twisted grin on his face as he kneeled with the cup still in hand. Swirling it around and teasingly holding it out and pulling it back in towards him. 

“Awe, the little bats thirsty. Should I be a nice captain and let you drink or punish you for creating such a scene at the dinner.” He started to chuckle when he could see the old Y/N trying to come back, fighting the urge to pounce but also wanting to say some very few choice words while trying to run away as far away as possible. But Hongjoong handed the cup to Yunho, who kneeled down and lifted up their chin and allowed them to smell it. It was a rich scent of blood, something that didn’t smell cross but something that smelled like fresh baked goods and everyone was excited to finally take a bite Slowly pouring the cup down their throat with little to no struggle, Yunho gave a genuine smile since the drink was his own blood. Which was something down to make the person closer to you. Meaning the only way, you would be able to die was if Yunho had died as well and that was almost entirely impossible to do since Yunho was also very careful of what he did. And he was turned by hongjoong. So, there was almost no getting rid of any of them. 

“Welcome Home Y/N, you’ll learn how to handle it soon. But just know there is and will be no escaping.”  

“Yunho- Why are you walking on the roof?” Y/N questioned, walking out of their bathroom with a black soft robe softly tied around their body before looking up at their roof, seeing Yunho walking with his hands holding something before he finally looked down and showed off his birhght smile, letting hikmself fall down and land on his feet like he was excited to fianlly say something about his day or what he managed to get for his lover this time. Ever since he was able to teach Y/N things, he knew that at some point one of them would have to move. Hongjoong wasn’t going to let go of Y/N since wooyoung made it clear that he would make a fuss about it till they came back and hongjoong was not about to deal with that all by himself. So, he took it upon himself to teach Yunho things about the city and how to act and hide his eyes more often while Wooyoung, Yeosang and Seonghwa had taken turns teaching Y/N things, from simply hunting to how to act when hungry.  

But at some point, Yunho had come back after making sure he knew everything and offered to move in with Y/N, but some things had to change. Even if they were used to the sun, when he first went to Y/N’s house he was dumbfounded by the Amont of windows looking down at the city and allowing the sun to shine brightly in the main bedroom. Something that confused him, sure the sunrise and sunset was beautiful to watch but, the sun is bright and people are nosey, so they got curtains large enough to hide things. It was only in their bedroom so they could had ethe privacy. He was getting used to driving around something he ended up enjoying but he was trying to get used to people and their crazy driving attempts it seems as well. But overall, he was enjoying his time and being able to get things for Y/N to show them that they do love and they're excited to keep learning in hopes of being able to work with the rest of his friends and partner. 

“Hongjoong-hyung gave me this to give to you! He said it was something you would enjoy and that I should give it.” He cheered, holding out the black box, smiling brightly before letting yn take it and slowly open the box to revel a golden necklace with red sapphire in some of the circle designs. The charms were made to look like water drops, some could say even blood drops with the red in the middle, but it was something Yunho wanted to gif. It made yn smile while carefully holding it to examine everything. Yunho was like a excited puppy happy to be around the owner after being separated for what felt like hours. “Yunho this is beautiful, I can’t wait to find something to wear it with.” Placing it back in the box carefully, y/n walked back to their walk in closet and placed it on another stand for it to be shown and taken care of. The two of them were home and just enjoying being around with each other after working.  

Yunho had walked behind them and lifted them up into their arms, even if they weren’t fully dressed or anything. He enjoyed letting his hands roam on their soft skin and enjoying listen to them talk about their day with their tv playing in the background. It was something he was slowly getting used to as the days went on into weeks and months and almost even 2 years at this point since it took around 4 months for yn to get used to being a vampire, a bit longer for Yunho to get used to the city life itself. The two of them were laying on the large circle bed with their backs lay against the headrest with the tv playing a show while resting against each other. Something they truly enjoyed doing when they had nothing else to truly do anymore. Quality time with each other just to enjoy themselves. Yunho would be holding them close and rubbing their back with their lips softly kissing their shoulders.  

Y/N would lean their head to the other side to allow Yunho more room while they let the robe tie get loosen just to allow Yunho’s hands to continue to roam while y/n’s attention was drifting their attention between the show and Yunho’s touch. But they were at the climax, but they let out a soft gasp before letting out a gasp and a moan before looking at Yunho and his hands. His mouth was sucking on that sweetspot on their neck, where his bite marks were, and his hands were holding his lover's thighs carefully while softly rubbing them. His eyes were closed as he was losing himself in the touches he was giving before he opened his eyes, locking eyes with y/n, almost looking like a dog who got caught doing something they weren’t supposed to do or they were finally excited to do. It was something that Yunho had always wanted to do but was nervous since this would be their first time together doing something like this. He wouldn’t know what to do, what was good or wasn’t good. But he also wanted to build the confidence and trust before allowing them to be raw with each other. The two of them were locking gazes with each other before Y/N gave the nod of approval. 

“Y/N, Fuck...please.” Yunho whimper, leaning his head back to let out a loud whimpery moan while holding their hair to keep their head close before slowly looking back down, letting their red eyes look down at their lover on the ground, their knees on the soft carpet with their mouth taking in Yunho’s cock like it was a popsicke in a hot day and it was melting away at the heat wave. Yunho’s clothes were thrown off instantly before this while the two of them were having their passionate makeout session between the two of them. Allowing everything fall off to the corners of the room before getting into this position. Yunho was a mess just from this while he tried to keep his grip not as tight but also not as loose as well. Bucking his hips up at the feeling and listneing to the gagging sounds, which only made him moan out more. It was something he was enjoying in ways he wasn’t ever sure how to express like this. 

He could feel like something was close, so instead of allowing himself to finish he pulled Y/n off, watching their mouth stay open while their fangs were showing, they were still small fangs still showing some, they were growing. But Y/N had to hunt down their first prey or drink a certain Amont of blood to get there. But the two of them had locked eyes while Y/ smiled before crawling ontop of Yunho before the two of them had flipped over. Y/N was smiling and chuckling at the actions while the pair kept having their own passionate kiss. Yunho’s hands going down to y/n’s thighs and softly kept squeezing them. Carefully spreading them open while lifting them up onto his shoulders to give a better angle while he enjoyed the feeling of y/n’s hands running through his hair, doing soft and random tugs before the two had to pull away. Opening their eyes before looking at each other. If there was any way to describe the look into each others eyes it would be seen as something, like a love feeling almost entirely too hard to put into words without messing up somewhere and making it sound like they were getting off topic. 

“Dear, I’ve never done something like this before. How would I do this?” Yunho mentioned, letting his eyes start to fill with worry before starting to slowly relax at his lovers touch, looking down into Y/N’s eyes while their soft fingers were rubbing Yunho’s cheeks. “Start off slow, like just the tip of it. Then after keep checking on me, they we can go from there, how about that okay?” Yunho nodded his head, leaning down to kiss their chest and shoulder before allowing himself to slowly push in the tip inside of Y/N’s hole, listening to the sound of their gasp before feeling the tightness squeeze around him, making him groan out in their ear before raising his head to see the look on Y/N’s face. Their eyes closing while their chest was rising and falling, biting their lip while listening to the sound of their moans and gasp. Feeling their hands tug on his hair before he nodded his head. Keeping his eyes closed but knew that Yunho wasn’t going to move without getting a green flag. But of course, Yunho being a good boy, listened and started to push in the rest, letting his groans and soft moans of pleasure be drowned out by the sound of Y/N’s moans and gasp. Letting their hips finally meet each other. 

“Never have I ever felt a dick this fucking big holy shit what blood were you drinking!” Y/N shouted with a loud moan following afterwards, making Yunho softly laugh at the accusation before trying to answer, making sure Y/n was comfortable before they started to move once again. “The blood I drink has nothing to do with the height of anything. If it did then captain would be a little bit taller than he is now, you tell me when I’m allowed to move or do anything alright?” Hearing the sudden line made Y/N laugh, it was a sly comment to add into this moment something hongjoong will never be able to live down despite how he could easily throw the two if he wanted to. 

“You can move Yunho, thanks for the lovely information.” There was something about Yunho’s smirk almost as if he was ready to drive Y/N crazy before he started to move his hips at a somewhat fast pace, it wasn’t too slow or gentle. Looking down to see a moaning Y/N hold his shoulders before he could feel the pace starting to pick up. Which would’ve made anyone else think this was a different person. The soft Yunho that is always asking if someone is okay, now roughly pounding into his lovers tight hole like nothing else was important. Watching how Y/N’s reactions went from soft pleasure to their eyes rolling to the back of their head, the moans and gasp reaching a higher pitch. Their nails digging and scratching into Yunho’s back. Listening to the endless whispers of praises thoughtlessly slipping out of Yunho's mouth with ease. “You look so pretty on my cock dove.” “I never felt something so tight suck me in before.” Almost all being drowned out by Y/N’s loud moans while their back arched upward, almost showing the outline of Yunho’s cock quickly moving back and fourth to that same pleasurious spot he’d hoped to get.  

Yunho wasn’t focused on pleasuring himself. Letting his smirk grow before seeing the squirming state and hearing the begging please for a release. The loud moans and gasps from in-between each response. There was no better art piece in Yunho’s mind than watching Y/N come undone under him. The air being a mess and slightly sprawled on the sheets, heir chest covered in blue and purple marks on their chest and neck, the way their mouth stayed opened to let out the sounds. ‘Harder Yunho Please’ ‘Please I need to come can I please’ ‘Please fill me Yunho please I’m begging!’ 

Yunho’s thoughts were being drowned once again by the endless sound of their moans before Y/N let out a loud scream of pleasure, curling upwards to hold onto Yunho’s shoulders before feeling Yunho’s release seconds later, making him whimper and shake before hearing Yunho’s groans ring in Y/N’s ear before the two of them went back to panting. Even if they truly weren’t tired, they had that look in their eyes. They were gonna be at this for a while... 

Bonus: 

“Yunho, you have got to stay off of them, or something man I can’t talk to Y/N without seeing them covered in your markings and barely able to stand for a minute before feeling better!” Wooyoung said, crossing his arms and pouting while Y/n was laughing. The pair of them sat on the main couch with a blanket wrapped around them while Yunho was grabbing a tray with enough drinks for everyone. Given how there was now a new addition to the vampire circle his name was San. Wooyoung claims to have turned him n a game of chases but that wasn’t even close, but he seemed to have gotten Wooyoung under control while getting to know everyone else in the circle. “It’s truly not my fault, look at him he’s attractive and knows the look to pull me in!” He defended himself, setting down the tray and letting everyone take their own glasses to enjoy themselves. The growing group was sitting in the living room around a large round black table with gold table clothes and coasters for them all. 

Hongjoong leaning back in a rocking chair with his leg crossed over the other while the cup in his hand, close to his lips with a happy smile on his face. His family was complete, and they were happy. He had his own partner with him, his group was explanting to meet new people, and now his oldest member with him had his own partner who was able to make him smile more. And crawl out of his old shell and explore the world with and move on. If you asked hongjoong, this is where he would rather be and nothing else matter. He was now watching Yunho Walk over and sit close to Y/N, wrapping his arm around their waist and pulling them closer. Softly kissing their foreheads and enjoying their smiles being passed around the room.  

“We couldn’t even go hunting till 3am! Someone thought I was a demon who was hungry.” Wooyoung pouted, rolling his eyes playfully at the late-night hunt which should’ve started at 1am and ended at 2 so everyone could still enjoy the night before the sun started to rise. “To be fair here Wooyoung, I can’t say no he’s not shy about being in bed anymore.” “Why is this something I would need to know in public here.” Y/N started to laugh more as they tried to take sips of their drink while trying to respond still. “Why is this something any of us needed to know about in a public setting here.” “And this, Yeosang is Y/N’s house it’s private.” Yunho countered back while the laughter kept filling the living room along with playful eyerolls from some of them even. To think all of this happened because of a very kinky bite. 

[shannendoherty-fans]

August 1992 - Shannen Doherty on the cover of YM (Young & Modern) magazine, by Firooz Zahedi.

Brunette bombshell Shannen Doherty – How she got it all - Part 2.

The got-it-all Girl

Shannen’s love life

What she looks for in a guy: “I’m not going to lie like a lot of people and say, ‘I look for a sense of humor and a personality first.” I look for a good-looking guy first.” (laughs)

How she makes her relationship work: “We make time for each other. Because when everything is said and done, the acting may not be there, but the relationship will.”

Why they postponed the wedding: “We were supposed to get married last March 15. You know, it goes from this small, intimate wedding to his parents’ giving me a list to my parents’ giving me a list. Two hundred of each parents’ closest friends are all of a sudden invited to your wedding. I was going bonkers.”

On her wedding dress: “I designed my own wedding dress. It’s a little too ritzy, a Beverly Hills kind of dress. I’m not too psyched about it, so I think I’m going to do it all over. I'll have them make it a more simple dress.”

Wedding of the century: “[So far] we haven’t found a place that’s big enough to hold the wedding in the style we wanted. We wanted it to be very 30s mixed with Italian charm. All Italian food’s going to be served at our wedding. My favorite is Italian food, my absolute fave.”

Shannen speaks

On Brenda: "I think everybody can relate to my character. She's not the perfect girl in that she really flubs up sometimes. She males huge mistakes, like kissing another guy when she has a boyfriend. Whatever it is, I think she's becoming a stronger character."

On her looks: "You know, my eyes are a little off center. Somebody pointed it out to me. I went, 'Really?' So I went home, and I looked in the mirror, and I said, 'Wow, they are.' And you know, to me, it's cool. It maes me different."

Her day: "Usually I have a 6:30 A.M. call So I get up at 4:30... book to work... sit in the make-up chair for an hour." She gets home between 8:30 and 9:00 P.M.

Her hair: "I wash it in the morning and I put conditioner on it, and that's about it."

Tattoos: "I have a proble with being a grandmother and having tattoos. I think they're cool. But they're a little too trendy for me now. It's, like, if I got a tattoo now, I'd be another trendy L.A. person. And that's what I don't want."

Shannen answers your questions

“When you were in high school, did you have any trouble fitting in?” —Ardis Dumalski, 15, Park Ridge, IL “I never fit in. I was unusual looking. Guys in high school didn’t like me. They were into the typical California blonds. I dressed unusual. Kids are ruthless. I got harassed all the time. You want to know the best thing about being in US magazine’s ‘Ten Most Beautiful Women’ section? All those guys who used to say I was so ugly, I can, like, throw this in their face and say, ‘Excuse me, f— you! Your opinion means s— now.’ ”’

“What's it like to become famous so quickly? How has it changed your life?” —Lyndsey Robertson, 14, Argenta, IL “One word: overwhelming. It’s overwhelming and it’s interesting at the same time.”

“How does it feel to be a sex symbol?” —Beth Lemkin, 19, Isla Vista, CA “You never think of yourself as one. To me, I'm not a sex symbol, so I can’t answer that.”

“Do you have any input on 90210’ story lines? If so, what would you like to see happen with Brenda?” —Emily Harris, 19, Hartsdale, NY “Yes. We can give them story-line ideas—sometimes they use them, sometimes they don’t. If we don’t like something in the script, they change it. I'd like to see Brenda become a stronger woman. They should get her out on her own. And have her go through different weird phases.”

“How do you feel about the writers’ having to change Brenda's sexual decisions because of advertising, viewers, parents and other outside pressures?” —Emily Harris, 19, Hartsdale, NY “Unfortunately those people who didn’t like that are not being realistic, because a lot of teenagers are having sex.”

"What do you do when the show is on hiatus?” —Andrea Wilson, 22, Cambridge, MA “I do movies, like I'm doing a movie of the week now. It’s called Obsession. I'm this 24-year-old girl who falls for a guy in his 50s. And he breaks up with me, and I go psycho.”

"A lot of people think you're really conceited. Why do you think this is?” —Ingrid Douglas, 16, Brooklyn, NY “Cause people read too much bad press. Because the only way the Enquirer can sell is to write bad stuff about you. They say nightmare stuff about me all the time. They said Luke and I hate each other. They say that I throw temper tantrums over my wardrobe. Well, if I threw temper tantrums over my wardrobe, why do I still wear such clothes on the show?”

“Do you spend time off the set with the other actors from 90210?" —Suzy Sherman, 18, Framingham, MA “I hang out with Tori, she’s a really good friend of mine. I’ve gone to a club with Jennie, I've hung out with Jason. I don’t hang out with Gab—she’s kind of on a different level from me.”

(Part 1)

[solar-eclippse]

Abijah for the ask game? 👁️w👁️

Gladly~! Thank you for the ask! [Ask game]

1) Sexuality headcanon Pansexual and... I want to say grayromantic?

2) OTP Abijah x me~ Ahem! Who said that? I swear, there's some sort of weird echo in here...

Self-shipping aside... I have been obsessed with Abijah x Mizu since first watching BES. I always go feral over shipping narrative foils together, and these are just. IMMACULATE. Red and blue, fire and water. "Extrovert adopting an introvert" except the introvert would rather he just shut up. Two ruthless killers, one who sees their actions as a necessary evil, the other who RELISHES in it. Two outsiders in their respective home countries because of their heritage. The opportunity for Abijah to act as a mentor figure. The twisted familial vibes. The complicated power dynamic. The sex would be absolutely wild, and you can't convince me that they wouldn't mesh surprisingly well if it wasn't for the fact that they met because Mizu tried to kill him.

3) BROTP Does this guy have any friends? Probably not, so I'm gonna go with him and Heiji. I sort of ship them, too, but either way, their dynamic is SO FUN. I love the idea of a relationship that's 10+ years past date, but they know each other like the back of their hands and need each other too much to get out. I want to study them under a microscope.

4) NOTP Mmm, pass. There's not a lot of ships for Abijah, and I like all the ones I've seen so far.

5) First headcanon that pops into my head Unsurprisingly, he's pretty obsessed with food, and while he's got staff to take care of that these days, I headcanon that he's pretty great at cooking! (He will eat anything that's available, though. The exact opposite of a picky eater.)

6) Favorite line from this character "So! If you might, my dear, dear friend, my trusted partner and clear equal, my right hand and both feet on land, fondest heart, spare a cup of concern towards our purpose... and do it your fucking self."

7) One way in which I relate to this character Shut-in and low-key really mad about it >:/ (My executive dysfunction doesn't allow me to go outside nearly as often as I'd like)

8) Thing that gives me second-hand embarassment about this character That line where he compares his conquest of Edo to a partner waiting for him on the bed. Sir. Just generally how much of a freak he is. (I mean, same, but.) Every time I write him, there's a constant chant of "Why are you like this?" going on in my head.

9) Cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Look. I adore him, but it doesn't matter how many pet names I call him or how much I think of his tragic backstory, he might just be the most morally reprehensible character I've ever gotten attached to, and even I can't fool myself into thinking he's anything but a problematic fave.

[jungkookjeon0007]

Nights in Vegas | CH. 19 (JJK FF)

☆ summary: When Olivia flies to Las Vegas for her first ever BTS concert w/ her best friend, she was expecting to make lots of unforgettable memories... What she wasn't expecting was to end up with the lead singer, Jeon Jungkook, knocking on her hotel room door only to find her in nothing but a towel. What will happen when the golden maknae wants to see her again? Will it lead to heartbreak, or a promising future for them both?

☆ pairing(s): jungkook x olivia.

☆ ratings: (18+) for detailed sex scenes + harsh language.

☆ genre: smut, angst, fluff.

☆ word count: 1.58k.

☆☆☆☆☆☆

[Author's POV]

A few days had went by, and tonight was yet another concert for the boys.

Except this time the concerts were going to be back to back, which means they had another one tomorrow as well. Lacie and Olivia were fortunate enough to attend the other two concerts due to the company allowing them to tag along with the boys backstage.

They arrived at the stadium, and were escorted to a very nice and private sitting room while the members were getting ready for the concert. The private room would be where the two would watch the concert live from a big screen TV monitor.

"Wow, look at this set up! I'd rather be in here any day compared to out there with all those sweaty ARMY fans screaming our ears off the whole time. What about you, Liv?"

She turned to see her best friend checking the place out with shiny eyes, "Idk, I like it back here but I loved being able to experience the 'purple ocean' and the guys performing was so much better in person. It was the most amazing experience, you have to admit."

Lacie smiled nodding her head in agreement because she knew Olivia was right, it was definitely something they could never forget.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and 7 men stepped in, shutting the door behind them.

"Hello ladies, how are you liking your private room?" Yoongi asked as he gestured around him.

"It is amazing and so relaxing! We really are excited that we get to watch the concert in here." Lacie replied.

"Yeah, we tried to have them make it as comfy as possible for you both and made sure you had plenty of snacks and drinks for the whole concert." Namjoon said, smiling sweetly.

"Well.. We truly appreciate that so much Namjoon, thank you!" Olivia said as he nodded and flashed his dimples at them.

"Yes, so just relax and enjoy the show. If you would happen to need anything, there is a button on this table to call one of the staff members to come assist with anything you'd need." Jimin stated as he walked over and pointed to said button.

The rest of the guys spoke for a few minutes, until it was time for them to get ready and go out on stage.

. . .

[Olivia's POV]

We bid the other 5 members a farewell and wished them good luck on the show, but 2 of them stayed behind to talk for just a few more minutes with us.

Jungkook walked up to me and gave me his beautiful bunny smile, "I'm so glad I get to come here to you after the concert ends instead of waiting to see you at the hotel."

I smiled as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Me too, I'm most excited to be able to ride home with you, take a shower, and after that getting into nice warm jammies so we can binge watch American Horror Story until we fall asleep."

He smiled, "That sounds absolutely perfect and I cannot wait."

He pulled me to him by my hips as he wrapped his long arms around me for a big hug. I stood on my tip toes and attached our lips together as we completely melted into the kiss. As we pulled back he whispered onto my lips, "I love you baby."

I pulled back and ran my fingers through his hair and whispered back, "I love you too my handsome pop-star. Have a great concert."

He smiled real big and kissed me one last time right before Hobi hollered at him from the door.

"Coming Hyung! He then turned back to me, "See you after the show beautiful." He winked, turning around and exited the room.

I took a deep breath and was smiling at the moment we shared when Lacie suddenly cleared her throat. When I looked up at her, she was giving me a big smile, "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just glad the two of you made up, you're perfect for each other Liv, I truly believe that."

I blushed. "He makes me so happy, I just can't help but keep thinking about when we have to tell them goodbye... the day is getting closer and closer and i don't know if I'll be able to do it."

She came up to me, grabbing my shoulders, turning me to look at her, "Please stop worrying over this. The conversations will happen eventually... until then, enjoy your time with him."

I sighed, "How are you so calm about this? You'll be leaving Hobi as well-"

She interrupted me, "Hobi and I have already agreed to continue a long distance relationship together to make this work. You and Jungkook need to have the same conversation, so you both can be prepared when it's time for us all to head home."

"I guess you're right. I'm just nervous about what he will want to do."

She looked at me with a loving expression, "Liv honey, he will want to do whatever it takes to be with you."

I looked at her with hope filled eyes, "You think?"

"Absolutely. You're soul-mates for sure and I think you guys are the real deal."

I smiled at her, pulling her into a hug, "Thank you so much. I needed that pep talk. You're the best!"

. . .

[Author's POV]

Lacie and Olivia continued to talk for a few more minutes until they received word from a member of the staff that the concert was about to begin. They sat down with their snacks and wine to watch the performance and once it started, they could not stop ogling at how amazing the members all looked.

"Oh my gosh! Look at Yoongi!!!" Lacie stated.

"Jungkook is looking so good! Look at him in that red outfit!" Olivia said while fanning herself dramatically.

"HOBI IS EVERYTHING!" Lacie said, taking a huge drink of wine as they both continued to commentate about how the members sang, danced, and looked during each one of their performances.

. . .

Time Skip — After the Concert

Everything was phenomenal and they could not be more proud of them all and as the concert came to a close, Jungkook busted through the door and went straight to Olivia. His lips crashed onto hers as they kissed passionately, "I missed you so much, Liv."

"I missed you too and you all did so good tonight! I'm seriously so proud of you all-"

She observed him with furrowed eye brows and changed the subject, "N-not that I'm not happy to see you, I really am... But I'm curious, why are you not getting a shower and finishing up everything with the others?"

He smirked, "I wanted to come back here and get you. I want to go back to the hotel because as I recall, we had plans to get a shower, get our pajamas on, and binge watch American Horror Story... right?"

"Yes, that's right. But.. won't the guys get upset that you didn't wait on them and went with me instead?"

He chuckled, "No baby. Namjoon Hyung actually insisted the idea. He said that we weren't doing anything after this anyways and I should just get you and take you back with me... So are you ready to go?"

Olivia turned and looked at Lacie, but she was already in Hobi's arms. As if Jungkook read her mind, he turned to her, "He's doing the same. He wanted to come and get Lacie since I was coming to get you."

"Okay then, yes. Let's go, I'm sure you're ready for a shower and to lay down." He nodded as she grabbed his hand, turning to Lacie and Hobi, "We are going to head back to the hotel, text me if you need anything and be safe!"

"We will and you both do the same. Enjoy your night and great job tonight Jungkook!"

Jungkook smiled at Lacie and bowed then lightly tugged Olivia's hand, insisting that they go. The pair left the room, heading to the back exit of the stadium where no ARMYs would be so they could get in the car that's waiting to take them back.

. . .

[Jungkook's POV]

We entered the car safely with no one seeing us and started on our way to the hotel, "Come here baby, let me hold you."

She got closer to me with a smile on her face and laid her head on my shoulder as I put my arm around her.

"You smell so good." She stated with a little sigh as if she was taking in as much of my smell as possible.

I chuckled. "Why thank you. I guess I should wear this perfume more often then, huh?"

She nodded. "Yes, I love the way that it smells."

I smiled, placing a kiss on her forehead as she nestled into me for the remainder of the car ride.

My life feels so complete when she's with me, but I dread when we have to have the discussion about what we're going to do when it's time to go home....

[rexregistries]

im quitting smut & everything nsfw!!

like straight up, cold-turkey, quitting. so far, we're 20 hours in.

heres why

this is gonna get REALLLL personal, buckle in.

i know not many ppl will see this, but its nice to just get it out.

tw: online sexual grooming and me being a minor thru it all

basically, im gonna talk abt how this all started (i should REALLY be doing homework right now, but i need to get it off my chest, and i only have 1 assignment left)

please bear with me! i only recently remembered all of this, and most of it is still terribly foggy, and hopefully shall stay that way.

when i was 8, i entered into a friendship with a 26-year-old man on roblox. we met thru our mutual like for percy jackson & the olympians, and i met him on a pjo role-playing game on roblox. mind you, roblox filter about 8 years ago was almost nonexistent.

the man, sam (found this out years into my "relationship" w him, to me he was cookie [cookieflame546]), asked my age when i first met him. i knew about stranger danger, obviously i did, i was born a girl. but i gave him my age anyway. so he knew.

this relationship lasted 5 years. 8 years old to 13 years old.

it started okay! we'd roleplay together, nothing too bad! the real trouble began when one of my ocs went into a romantic relationship with one of his ocs. he asked me if i knew anything about sex (the deed, the dirty, the devils tango, he called it something else that i dont remember) and i said no. obviously i didnt, i was 8.

he offered to teach me stuff, and i said ok. i trusted him for some reason. (NO GIRL STOPPP)

and boy. BOY, did he teach me stuff.

he bought a private server JUST to have sex w me. i'd go online, roleplay a little with my other online friends (who were my age, maybe 1 or 2 years older), and then once sam got on, i'd go to the private server. it happened maybe three times a week, i think? we'd roleplay w other people normally most of the time. i got discord at 10, because he asked me to.

when it started getting really, really, actually terrible (more than it already was) was when i got into the hamilton fandom in 2020. (also, since covid was happening, i was on everyday, so we interacted a lot more)

"kal, y is hamilton important?" well, when i got into hamilton, i got into wattpad. when i got into wattpad, i got into smut. when i got into smut, i got into actual fucking porn. at the ripe age of 12 years old.

i was so proud of my newfound knowledge. i wanted to show him all i knew. the sex got worse. he'd find ways to bypass the increasingly strong filter, and so would i.

the only thing im glad for is that he never sent nsfw pics, and neither did i.

it started tapering off once i got into 8th grade. i had more homework, i couldnt be on as much. we still had those little sessions, but they were more infrequent.

(BUT, in his place, came another friend. his name is alex. hes a year older than me, and we roleplayed almost exclusively sexually together. outside of roleplay, we would also message sexually on discord. some of got disturbing when i look back on it [he said he would find my address, climb into my window, and fuck me. bro i am 12 years old]

me and alex fell out of contact for a long time [something something i used to be really homophobic and our entire friendgroup, excluding him and i, was queer]. we say hi hello when hes online on discord, but we dont talk anymore)

slowly, me and sam went back into a regular friendship. we didn't talk for months, other than the occasional hi, hello, hru, im good. i stopped roleplaying, he didnt.

and then my brain decided "yooooo wait this was kinda bad.......im gonna make them forget it >:]"

and i did! i forgot about it. and then in freshmen year, at a winter camp for school, it all came rushing back. i cried about it to one of my closest friends (they moved, but we still talk. if ur seeing this joey [ur prob not], the second im 18 we r gonna see each other istg!!!!), and they told me to block him. i did.

i havent spoken to him since.

and then my brain did another little silly and said "im gonna make them forget it again!! >:]"

and guess what! i forgot about it again.

until i sat by myself, just having finished a brutal smut fic, crying, because, man, why the fuck was i like this? why cant i stop reading and watching and looking at this horrible shit? because it was ruining me! it really was! (it still is, but we're working on it)

andddddddd it came rushing back again.

finally, an answer! thats why im like this!

my most formative years were filled with sex! thats why im obsessed with it!

i know im partly to blame. i enabled myself by actively looking for nsfw. but im trying to fix that.

thank u for ur time :]

[freckliedan]

I never knew your lore!! What was it like dating in a triad if it's sth you're comfortable talking about. Especially with someone you obviously loved a lot. What were your feelings for the other person? How did you even manage to communicate enough to be able to do that? Was it complicated at all? Was it fun/hot? Sorry if it's a lot but I've had someone proposition this to me and I just was so confused I didn't know better and said no. Now I regret it bc I feel so attracted to these people and would honestly love that (but more in a friends with benefits kinda way)! But I'm not in love with either so that made it easier for me to consider it at least? If I were, idk how I would handle it bc I'm quite insecure/easily jealous person

it's not lore i've talked the most about! but i've been increasingly open about poly stuff on here and i love the people in my life very much so i'm happy to talk about it! under the cut tho, bc this will get long.

when i was dating in a triad w/ my ex, they were actually the newest addition to the relationship—the third person is art, my now husband! and we all have different genders now than we did at the time we all three dated.

in a lot of ways it was very cool and wonderful being in a triad!!! like. they to this day are two of my favorite people in this world. it ruled loving them and being loved by them and it still does though the forms have changed.

me & art were best friends for a couple years before we started dating in 2014, & when our relationship changed to dating it was very much a case of "we're best friends and want to be in each other's lives forever, we just also want to kiss & probably have sex someday about it & to belong to each other".

(probably someday on the sex due to. we were 18 and had both never kissed anyone before. we took it slow).

ex has been one of both of our other best friends since that same point in time, & we dated him from 2017-2018. it was a very similar start to our dating relationship w ex—we already were best friends and wanted to hang out forever, we were just adding more to the relationship we already shared.

and we all had a great dynamic when all 3 of us were spending time together, but also each had individually strong relationships? me and art hung out just the two of us, but so did me and ex & ex and art. adding a new dimension to it all was the easy part?

we spent a lot of time that summer walking dogs and camping and fooling around and laughing together and getting stoned.

& yes it was very fun and hot. i shan't elaborate. but there was a point in time where i'd EASILY had more threesomes than anyone else i knew.

it was sometimes complicated and hard but not because it was hard to have that much love in our lives? i am the opposite of a jealous person and had mostly worked thru the insecurity i felt in the first few years of me and art's relationship/did not see his relationship w our ex as something that could replace what he and i have bc we're all very different people so was not insecure abt it.

it was just. a difficult time in all three of our lives individually? none of us were in a good place with mental health, & largely due to factors outside of our control. i'm not going to get into art & ex's sprcific struggles, but i was being medically neglected, freshly had gone no contact with my mom, & was just out of a toxic/abusive living situation.

(& my ex roommates were also COWORKERS of me and art. yes they treated me like shit at work bc art was full time in classes and only in like once a week. and then ex started working with us too.

one of the ex roommates had also been friends with us since high school and was our ex's ex. i had known the other ex roommate since i was 7 or 8 and she was the assistant manager. they were homophobic to me the whole time i lived with them and started dating after i moved out)

(yes the drama went fucking crazy but i have literally always maintained the moral high ground).

ANYWAYS. i think i was in the best place mental health wise of all three of us at the time. insanely enough. with that incomplete list of hell going on in my life.

but i was the only one of the three of us who had strong social support outside of our group of three, & i was the one who realized that our individual struggles were making it hard to communicate at times & that it was hurting all of us.

so i was the one who realized that if all 3 of us wanted to stay in each other's lives, we needed to break up with ex.

which sucked! a lot! it really hurt ex, but being newer in the relationship than our established dynamic was also hurting him.

he and i both walked away from the breakup feeling like it was uniquely our fault because we wanted too much. it has been amazingly healing to have maintained our connection & been able to process our breakup like. with each other. bc we both went into future polyamory w approximately the same baggage LMAO.

we moved in with each other a little less than a year after our breakup & lived together for almost 4 years! and we'd been living out of each other's pockets for the two before that—art & ex lived w their families like a five minute walk apart and i spent most of my time living out of my subaru btween the two of their homes.

so like. i don't regret it. i will spend the rest if my life loving both my husband and our ex so much it goes beyond words, no matter what form our relationships take. we would probably still be together if our relationship had started under literally any better of surrounding circumstances.

after our breakup i spent some time as a lesbian and that overlapped with ex's gender veering into man so attraction stopped there? though who knows what the future holds.

idk! i would rather my husband adopt a dog with ex and be the cool step parent that never actually takes on a parental role for the dog. i wish we were neighbors/lived near each other rather than states apart bc in a dream world ex and i would have keys to each other's homes and would just get to hang out doing our own thing in one another's room at least 3 days a week.

there's no one size fits all for poly relationships & there's definitely Other friends i want to/do blur the lines btween romantic and platonic with at this point in time.

no other triads currently happening in my life though and idk if it will happen again?

no sorries! & i'm nor sure how helpful this ramble will have been but i appreciate the chance to talk about my experiences bc it's not something that comes up a lot but it means a lot to me and has been such a significant part of my life.

if the proposition was on the table before for you, and it's something you do know you'd be down for & that you're prepared to communicate a lot about, is it for sure off the table now? if it's something that might still be possible for you and it's something you can talk about w the people in question then have that conversation!

worst case scenario, it's an awkward conversation where yall realize you have different expectations and wants out of a triad and that that means it's not something that's going to happen.

best case scenario, you get to have some fun and sexy new experiences?

i'd say it's worth it to try! & if jealousy and insecurity are a concern for you, they might be for the other two in some way, too. i think talking about whether it might come up for you guys and how to proceed if it does as an up front thing would peobably be a smart idea?

for real though! if it's something you want amd that the other two people were down for in the past, i hope it can be an option again in the now too. good luck anon and thank you for listening to me run my mouth.

[yuncheoligans]

~Beautiful Stranger~

Chapter 4.5: A Gym Date and a Project

Pairing: Yunho x Reader. (The guys are involved at some point too but not romantically.) NonIdol! AU

Description: A lonely perpetually single grad student working at a museum is approached by a handsome man, he looks expensive. Maybe this is your chance to get swept off your feet. Maybe he wants something else.

Warnings: I don't censor myself so I don't censor the characters, so Language warning.

taglist: @legohwas, @hwaightme, @starillusion13

w/c: ~1339

~Masterlist~

~Series Masterlist~

a/n: Here's part 2 of chapter 4!!!! Again thank you for the time and support, I'd say a month has passed between the two parts, not a huge deal but you know, enough for some artistic choices.

--------------

“You look gorgeous today y/n” Wooyoung chirpped from beside me. “Hello Woo.” “What no, handsome as ever Wooyoung, Thank you for introducing me to the light of my life? I’m totally in love with your best friend Yunho?” “You look great Wooyoung, should have no troubles getting Jem to go home with you after drinks.” “That’s no what I said….how long are you going to stare at this blank canvas?” “It’s not…entirely blank.” I sighed. “It’s painted white.” “Still having trouble on your final? Maybe you need a little-” he thrusts his hips slightly at me. “Inspiration.” “Ew stop. No-” “All our favorite painters have used sex and their partners as great inspiration for their pieces some even in the museums you stare at all day.” “It was one time.” He gasped. “You’ve been dating for 4 months and only slept together once?! I’m calling Yunho immediately.” Twice…don’t let him know that. “Wooyoung it’s not that serious. I’m the one saying no.” “Why? Was he bad?” “No, he was….fantastic….but I…I don’t know that stuff makes me I don’t know it’s not that I don’t want to but I don’t want him to think that’s all I want…it’s hard for me to explain, I’ve also been busy with work with the new exihibit coming in and we’re having to get everything ready and, I don’t know I just…I’m a bad partner aren’t I?” “Is this all because of your ex? You know-” “He’s no like that I know.” I sighed. “I was going to say you’re more to him than you know. You should see your name in his phone. It’s surrounded by hearts and I think there’s a nickname in there something like ‘Love Shot’” he chuckled. “You play one EXO song around a guy while you’re getting ready and suddenly you’re saved in his phone as Love Shot.” “And what’s yours for him?” “…….Bear Hug…. “Is it actually?!” “Shhh! It was for like a week. I change it because I don’t know, we don’t call each other anything besides like…babe….and I thought Bear Hug was cute, I didn’t know about the Love Shot thing stop…he did not.” “He did, he said he’s going to change it soon but he likes it.” “I’m going to kill myself.” My phone started ringing….of course with the sound on. “Is that-?!” “SHHH! Hi you…” I blushed. “Hi, is that Wooyoung in the back?” “Yeah he’s bothering me over my final project.” “The blank canvas?” “It’s painted white…..” “I’m going to the gym….want to come?” “Yes.” I hastily said, anything to get out of this situation, no matter what it was. “Great I’ll pick you up-” “From my place, I need to change.” I stopped him from saying school, I didn’t need Wooyoung and him to start talking. “See you soon.” “Yeah, I’m leaving now.” I hung up. “Bear Hug.” Wooyoung smirked. “Shutup.” I left.

Somehow I made it back in record time, I put on the best pair of black workout leggings I had grabbed a water bottle and put my hair up, start cute…look terrible after. Right? I got his text that he was outside before anyone could question where I was going or why I looked like I was going to workout. Right as Liz started asking I was out the door. Great timing. “Hi” I breathed out getting in his car. “Hi.” he smiled and leaned over the center to peck my lips. “Missed you.” “You saw me for dinner like 4 days ago.” “And? Your pictures don’t talk back to me like you do.” “Oh so you like me being a brat.” “Oh absolutely.” he smiled. “Noted.” Now I don’t know how many of you have seen an incredibly attractive man who happens to be your boyfriend who may or may not be a sculpture work out before…but let me tell you I don’t think I had a single safe for work thought. “You’re staring again Tiny.” he smirked as he wiped his face. “Mmmhmm.” I nodded and then processed. “Oh sorry.” I blushed. “No need, glad I can bring you along, especially if you stare at me like that.” he winked. “Dinner?” “Oh sure.” I smiled. “Nothing-” “Nothing fancy, don’t worry….sometimes rich people like Pizza and Fried Chicken too.” he smiled. We got cleaned up and he placed an order for pick up so we could eat at his place. He, being the gentleman he is, went in to get the food and then drove to his. “Oh a nice townhouse I see.” I smiled. “I don’t need anything huge, but if I can comfortably afford a little more space than necessary why not, plus means I have room if something happens.” he winked at me again. “And just what is that supposed to mean?” I chuckled at him. “Means if we’re still in love in 6 months I might be coming home to you every night.” he scooped me into him and kissed me before unlocking the door ushering me in.

After dinner he went to go clean up and find a change of clothes for me, in case I wanted to get out of these sweaty clothes. I think it’s just an excuse to make me stay longer. “See one you like?” he smiles coming up to me. “I mean you have quite the collection.” I scoffed looking at the wall of art he had. “I mean theres…Picasso, Degas…these are amazing.” “I actually just liaison for my uncle, they’re copies anyways, he sells them as such don’t worry. But he likes having photos of them looking nice so we hang up the first one to display, you know?” “Wow, they’re amazing copies.” “And this one is for when Wooyoung is finished with the Gaugain, I asked him to paint one for me…” he pointed to an empty frame on the wall. “I wanted to remember the first day we met, all over a vase of flowers.” he smiled and squeezed my side. “So you sell copies and??” “And?” “I mean come on, you’re rich and have stayed that way…are you sure you’re not a Mafia member?” I smiled. “Oh, there’s my secret, I work for the Mafia and plan heists to steal art, there is no rich uncle.” he laughed when I started laughing. “Well too bad I guess I have a type then.” “What do you mean?” he looked at me. “My ex was in a motorcycle gang? If you could call it that honestly. He mostly just rode around as loud as possible to piss people off.” I shrugged. “Sounds great.” “Yeah…until he pissed off an actual gang and they broke into my house…they just smashed some stuff but it was all mine.” “Here?” he looked at me concerned and turned me towards him. “No no before grad school, I’ve been single for a very long time.” “I’m sorry, you can call me if you ever feel in danger, I’ll be there.” he cupped my cheek. “Well not danger but maybe with my final? I’m really stuck on what to do.”

He was quiet for a moment.

“Maybe you’re just not thinking big enough, maybe make the canvas bigger, stretch out, why are you limiting yourself?” “Huh?” “Make it bigger take up the whole floor, wall, room, don’t conform to the space, force yourself in, make the room make room for you. Baby you can make it as big as you want.” he smiled. “Let yourself be in the space, make others notice you first. Be you.” “Make it bigger?” “As big as you want…make it you….make it your story.” I pulled him down and kissed him. It was then that I got the idea. Make it my story.

Maybe Wooyoung was right, maybe I needed a little “inspiration.”

“You’re going to help me.” I smiled at him. “We’re going to rent out the studio space overnight and I want you to help me paint it.” “Paint what?” he said breathlessly. “Our story.”

Prev

[karrenseely]

Wait... I'm what?!

Sexuality is confusing as all get out to a trans kid. When I was a teenage girl and everyone insisted I was a teenage boy, I was extremely confused about my sexuality. Partly this is because I believed the gaslighting telling me I was a boy w/ shameful perverted thoughts. But also because part of me knew I was a girl. I was attracted to girls at the time, I think. However, this brings up the other issue, not having experienced attraction before, I couldn't tell if I was interested in other girls because I wanted a relationship or if I just really wished I was them. A quintessential trans issue.

I didn't have much interest in boys, though I did have fantasies about one of my friends, and even dreamed I was in a relationship with him. It was very confusing, I wasn't sure at first if it meant I was gay or straight if I was into a boy, and all these girls.

Later as I understood more thoroughly I was a girl, I realized, if I was going to have a relationship with a girl then it meant I would be a lesbian. This was also used to shame me, as something bad or perverted by my first therapist, adding to the confusion and self hatred. I really didn't know what was going on.

Now add to this, that I was asexual, I didn't even know that was a thing at the time. So all my fantasies? None of them involved sex, at all. I would think someone was pretty, or handsome. I had crushes on male movie stars at the time, Patrick Swayze, and Tom Cruise come to mind (I thought of them as safe, as I was never going to meet them). But again no sexual fantasies. My friends, who were all male (because I was terrified if I had female friends people would figure out my horrible secret of being a girl) would talk about sex a lot. I mean a lot. As would others at school. I never understood why. But having already been pretending to be a boy for years, I would respond with sexual innuendos and desires when I was queried about it and who I'd like to have a relationship with.

And because sex wasn't important to me, I only thought about it seriously in relation to me now and then. And after continuing to find it confusing, would decide I can try to figure that out better after transition. So I would just put it off. However, because I needed to continue to pretend to be a boy, at some point it was expected that I would have a girlfriend, so either a girl asked me or asked her, I don't remember which, probably the former, and I started dating her.

Ironically, this was part of the best year of my k-12 school life. With dating her, I had a group of friends I could hang out with, and I did actually have some fun that year, despite all the internal pain/dysphoria. One of the girls in the group though, could tell I didn't love my girlfriend that way, I suspect so did my girlfriend. And that person asked me if I loved her. I said no. To this day, I wish I'd said no, not in the way you mean. Because I cared about my girlfriend, but not romantically or sexually. And all through this I hated being in a relationship. I didn't specifically hate her, as noted above I cared for her. No I hated it, because I felt like I was the worst kind of liar. I was a girl, and everyone saw me as a boy. I was terrified of being discovered, but at the same time I hated the lying. It tore me up.

Transphobes never get it. They think we're lying after we transition, but to those of us who are trans, it feels like we're constantly lying before we come out, much less transition, as we try to pretend to be what everyone wants us to be. A lot of the transphobes arguments are like that. I think it's because they see us as our assigned birth sex, rather than the gender we've always been. But I digress.

So yes, I remained thoroughly confused about my sexuality. After I started living full time as myself, I explored dating, first with a boy. He was amazing, and very sweet. I met him on the bus. He asked me out and I said yes. We went on a few dates. But I never felt anything for him, and so it fizzled. I never kissed him, and he never asked or insisted. Like I said, he was very sweet. Whomever he ended up with is a very lucky girl. But given I had no feelings for him, and struggled with the idea of kissing him. I came to the conclusion I wasn't straight. And if I wasn't straight, then that meant I was a lesbian. And I came to terms with it and it became part of my identity.

However, I still didn't understand everyone's obsession with sex. The whole thing was a mystery. Through this time in college, I would develop crushes on my friends, as I got to know them. Which was painful, because only one seemed interested back, thankfully in a platonic way. I had trouble developing romantic feelings for anyone that I wasn't already friends with. This added to my distress around romance/sex because all my friends were dating left and right and having relationships with people they didn't know before and obviously had feelings for them. And I didn't work that way, and it sucked. I never did figure out how to navigate that side of things. Though at least now, I'm aware of it and why. I don't feel quite like the freak I did before I understood this part of me a little better.

Ironically, long before I understood what asexuality was, I realized I was not going to be able to satisfy my future partner's sexual needs, and if I loved them then they would need those needs met. And thus explored polyamory. I had trouble with the concept, until one day I realized that love is not pie, there isn't a limit for myself or my partners. Also how we love each individual feels different from every other individual. As such, we aren't replacing anyone by loving more than one person. This and realizing it is about trust and communication brought me into polyamory with a feeling of being comfortable with it.

Several times I found myself in very close friendships, and they were good, but I was convinced that these friends didn't love me, because they didn't want to have sex or a physical relationship with me. Not that I wanted to have sex, but as I understood it, romantic relationships had to have sex/physical relationship. And so I yearned, even though these relationships were pretty much what I needed. I'd never heard of asexuality, much less had it modeled for me.

In fact the first truly unconditionally loving relationship that was modeled for me and I was able to understand the message (others had been modeled for me, but I couldn't hear the message) was in my 30's in med school, by a friend who was in a wonderful loving relationship with the man she loved, and who loved her just as deeply.

That was the first hint to me, that thinking relationships were only real if they involved physical/sexual contact was wrong. But I still didn't quite understand what I was seeing. Their relationship was forced to be long distance by world circumstances for most of that year. But their love for each other was obvious, as was the fact that they wanted each other to be happy. But in watching them, I knew that was the kind of love I wanted to have.

Eventually, I did hear the term asexuality, but didn't really look into it. And for some odd inexplicable reason, didn't think it applied to me. It wasn't until I saw Laci Green's video on asexuality awareness, that it finally clicked. I was in my early 40's by then. And it clicked hard. Suddenly I understood that all those super close friendships I'd had in the past were actually relationships, and why it always felt like a break up when they ended. Because it was. I felt very sad, that I didn't understand these were my partner relationships at the time.

Despite that, I still get confused about my relationship now. Because I still have a hard time talking about it. Only in the past year have I started to explore the gradations of asexuality, and trying to understand where I fit on the spectrum and how that applies to my past and current relationships. And I've learned a few things.

I am not interested in sex, which I already knew, but I do want and need some contact, mostly this involves casual touching in a nonsexual way and hugs. Cuddling or a chaste kiss at most. And that's generally all that my fantasies consist of. However, I have also started exploring my body, working past the shame of my religious upbringing, and found I do like to masturbate. Though I don't have a strong need for it. But it does feel nice, and it's cool, if really late, that I've discovered that and that it's ok for an asexual person to like it, even though I'm not interested in sex with anyone.

It's been a long hard slow journey in figuring this out. I suspect it was made harder by my puritan/baptist upbringing and the associated shame and self hatred around sex. in the last few months, I've begun to wonder if part of my aversion to men, is that I'm scared of them. I don't really know why. But yes, there is a part of me that is scared of men. And so, trying to figure things out continues for me. And hopefully, I'll figure this aspect out and how it applies to my sexuality in time as well, hopefully it won't be decades from now.

So yes, when your assigned sex and gender don't match there is going to be a lot of confusion, if you're one of the much less talked about or even acknowledged sexualities, then it's going to be even more confusing. It's hard to know what you are if you don't know such a thing is possible. This was true for being trans, I thought I was alone and their were no words for what I was, until I learned about transgender people. And the same holds true for sexuality. Life is weird and confusing, and it's made harder when we don't, as a society, talk about all the ways it presents in a positive and affirming way.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

mr s i have a tmi question: since u hve experiences with casual sex, i was wondering how one... eases another person into it? as an awkward ace person ive certainly had opportunities to get into it but ive just refused bc im not rly into it, yknow? so my actual question is if u had any advice on how to initiate w ppl u know irl without sounding too forward? (i guess? u can tell i have no idea how any of this works lol lack of attraction is difficult to navigate)

That's a good question. I don't think it's TMI, lol. It's more just a relationship question to me, haha. Either way, I'm down to talk about it!

First story time, just for shits and giggles:

It depends on who you're having casual sex with, obviously. Some people I've heard of having hard, specific rules and some people have a similar experience to me where it was just... super casual. If there was anything up, we would just talk. We were friends. It's fun. It feels good. It's all chill, y'know?

I've had had a friends with benefits type relationships with two people--both women.

The first time it happened, we had been forming a friendship for a little bit, but we weren't super close or anything. Once, she straight up asked me if I was a virgin (which, in general, yuck, I dislike that terminology so much but whatever) when we were hanging out alone. That dissolved into conversation about sex in general. We came to the conclusion that we were both sex positive and both enjoyed sex. She told me that she had missed sex since she'd broken up with her boyfriend a while ago and hadn't gone out and hooked up with people after or anything. She didn't want to go out and just hook up. Fair enough.

I, half as a joke, half, just, why not said that we could have sex if she ever felt like it. We were friends, and I didn't want to date her, but we got along well so far, plus she was pretty. Why not?

She laughed at first, then asked me if I was serious at all. I told her, yeah, sure, if she wanted to. And... things kind of went from there.

We still talk sometimes, but she moved away, and while I have a lot of friends that are long distance so I'm fine texting and calling. It's not her speed. I have no hard feelings about it. If I'm ever where she is or she's here, I'm sure we'll get together to hang out.

And screwing around with her wasn't an all the time, like, weekly thing. We never met up specifically to fuck around, we would just hang out and then end up fucking occasionally.

(She was a fucking bomb kisser and I have to say she wore very pigmented makeup that would sometimes run and I- I can not tell you how much of A Thing I have for ruining pretty girl's makeup (or anyone's makeup for that matter 😏). It just looks so good messed up. Especially lipstick or eyeshadow/mascara. Jesus.)

The second time it happened, I met this woman in class, so we weren't friends prior. Friendly. But I didn't know her too well. We had talked in class, just chatting, and she emailed me for help on a few assignments because we were put into a cohort for peer-review stuff. Her voice was, just, gorgeous. And she was really smart. She wants to be a teacher. I could probably listen to her to talk for hours. Maybe if we'd gotten to know each other better, we could've dated or something, but we didn't. She graduated at the end of the term and moved onto her new, post-college life. I totally get it.

Anyway, she would compliment me here and there--she liked my hair, my eyes, the rings I wear, and some other stuff. She was really pretty herself, so I'd just reciprocate. Not exactly flirting but also not not flirting, haha.

I asked her if she had a partner, between asking about her life, generally, after we'd finished our work for peer review stuff once. She said she didn't and she asked if she could kiss me. I told her that sounded good. So we kissed, and then we actually went back to working, lmao. No funny business.

We kissed more the next time we met up outside of class. Literally, just taking a break from studying.

And, I don't know... dating never came up? It was one of those situations where we were alone and were kissing and more or less doing some heavy petting. Then it seemed just like it'd be a good time to keep going and I do like eating pussy, so I offered, she said yes. She actually complimented me on my skills the same way she had complimented me before and I laughed because... who wouldn't? She was sweet.

Then, the next time we got together, she asked if I'd do it again. She exchanged phone numbers and fucked around a few more times. Not too many times, though.

Funnily enough, I think my favorite thing that happened between us was when we were in class, and I licked my lips because... yeah. Sometimes you do. And she jabbed her fingers into my side to make me stop 💀💀 I choked, trying not to laugh too hard in front of everyone (and we did go to her car after class 👀).

(Also, I just have to confess that she was so, so good. She would stay still if I told her to, even when I went down on her. She also would stay basically silent if I told her to make not sounds, no matter what I did to her 👀 It was fucking incredible.)

Second, advice:

Again, it depends on the person. Some people want the straightforward version where there is an agreement, a conversation, and some people probably are more just about letting things flow naturally.

If you feel like you want a direct conversation, it might be better to just have that direct conversation so you can find someone who wants the same thing, so there would be the least amount of confusion possible. If you're content to let it flow... I don't know. That's harder. You can wait for conversations that shift in the direction of sex or push conversations that way.

I mean, maybe don't go, "hey, have you heard of this thing called causal sex? We should do that!" But you also could. Whatever you feel like.

If someone doesn't want to or refuses, that's them. They're allowed to say no. Try not to feel too defeated or rejected. There's a million reasons someone might not want to. It doesn't need to be a result of something with you. Y'know? (Not that I think you'll have a problem with that, knowing you've turned down causal sex yourself.)

If I were you, though, I think I might go for the direct conversation. Being on the ace spectrum makes sexuality different from allosexual people, obviously, and if you're going to fuck around with allosexual people it may come in handy to lay out, hey, this is what's going on with me, these are the feelings I have.

The people I've casually fucked have all known that I have a weird thing with sex where there needs to be some type of kink or power dynamic or something more than just strictly "vanilla sex" for me to be interested because... I don't know, that's just how I work 🤷🏻‍♂️ That and I'm not immediately in for being gotten off during sex. Sure, it's nice, but I'd much rather be getting the other person off. It's just more fun. And having said those things out loud to those women, it was much more fun because of that.

In conclusion... did I help? Or did I just tell you stories about the people I've fucked? I don't know. Hopefully, I helped. Or, hopefully, I at least gave you something to think about.

P.S. Everyone is awkward, you'll be okay, sweetheart!

[cryptometaphor]

Or like, we're discussing inceldom and how it relates to socialism because all this Kamala talk really is just code for incels when they say weird.

ACP Admin: Incels are inherently reactionary. Like. I'm not saying there isn't truth to what they say. I'm a man, I know it sucks. But like...

Me: So you'll cater to racists, Anti-Semitism, even xenophobia, but not incels. Why is that? What's the difference between saying Jews suck vs women suck?

ACP Admin: Well for one, women don't own the banks. Secondly, there's a difference supporting nationalism for self-determination vs just blatant hatred because you're mad about your unfair circumstances.

Sarah: I hate women too. I do think it's our neoliberal upbringing that's made them so atrocious, but misandry is a real thing. Honestly I think the only good woman has to have circumstances that circumvent their misandry nature. Like being born with disability or autism.

Me: I am fine with planned eugenics. Reverse eugenics. Uglos, downs syndrome, Hellen Keller motherfuckers... All get to reproduce. Normies no.

Sarah: lol!

Me: Some exceptions like Liz. She's brain damaged but doesn't get to reproduce anyway.

Sarah: Ruthless

ACP Admin: Most women don't even want to reproduce that's the problem the west is having.

Me: Yeah until they're 30. Than it's WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD MEN GONE?!

Sarah: Imma be like 60 by the time I reproduce at this rate.

Me: Ohhhh it'll build character for our little hellspawn. He'll cut through the cobwebs of your canal fighting off velociraptors and shit. He'll be a warrior. With like ten different kinds of autism.

Sarah: My vagina has cobwebs and velociraptors? lol

Me: Well not right NOW I'm still putting it in there regardless

Sarah: You better

ACP Admin: I'd rather not think about your vagina or for that matter either of you having sex. I hate both of you lol

Me: Under communism, there won't be onlyfans. Only haters. Where like, the kulaks are tied to a chair clockwork orange style forced to watch me and Sarah have intercourse and they don't have sex. You know, cause they're too busy being tied to the cuck chair.

Incel friend I invited: Horrifying lol

ACP Admin: Porn as a punishment isn't the W you think it is Jim.

Sarah: This is true. There's already humiliation porn.

Me: Fuck. I really can't comprehend the mind of a gooner.

Sarah: I like that though.

Me: I like you. Sarah: I like you.

Incel: This was about who the fuck is gonna like ME

Me: We will get you a wife.

Incel: You say that...

Me: I mean... Sarah: At least under socialism you'd get free shit.

Incel: "You're dying alone, here's a free t-shirt."

Sarah: Esnackly.

ACP Admin: God, don't say ensackly like Jim does lol

Me: Under the labor theory of value, women would have to flirt with YOU

Incel: How?

Me: If they don't, they would owe you reimbursement for the effort of skibidi-rizzing. Why do you think I tell everyone to pay me crypto? It's unrealized earnings.

Sarah: Couldn't the same be said for women if they have to endure being flirted with by a sub8?

Incel: YEAH wait, I'm agreeing with a woman...fuck

Me: Ok but maybe that's the trick. See, they Spiderman point at each other of "you owe me for bothering to look in your general direction" "well you owe me for giving me the ick" and they both slap their phones punching numbers of how much crypto the other knows them, and in all of the dialectics... They make out. Make love.

Sarah: Just... Just gonna use dialectics like the word Smurf ok lol

Incel: Not everyone thinks like you do Jim

Me: THEY SHOULD

ACP Admin: Jim encapsulates Steiner egoism.

Me: I mean at the very least you gotta admit I'm bringing incels into the stratosphere of legitimate dialogue. Not just "there's plenty of fish in the sea" more like from the river to the sea.

Incel: Inshallah

ACP Admin: What if some incel wanted Sarah?

Sarah: Yeah hon lol

Me: I own you, fuck them.

Incel: OWNERSHIP?! UNDER COMMUNISM?!

ACP Admin: Tbf, communism says you can't own private property, not private things. Like, if someone came and stole my GameCube, that's still theft.

Sarah: I'm a thing. Me: My thing. The greatest thing ever.

Sarah: You're my thing too. Me: I love you.

Sarah: I love you more.

Incel: This still doesn't make me any promises. Like this is fun and all but...

Me: Well dude, like Sarah said. You'd at least get free shit and a better life and the struggle wouldn't be so hard. Like, a lot of what makes loneliness so unbearable is the facade you gotta put on meanwhile. You think I'm bitter towards my exes because I can't find anybody? No. I'm bitter because without saying the words, they say it in their actions "dance nigger. Dance for the camera of life where you work, feel the pressures of a self loathing, self deprecating society, every moment of every day makes you wanna do acts of terrorism, and something so simple as another human being loving you isn't guaranteed." Like, different circumstances wouldn't make me so bitter. Like, do I sound bitter right now?

Sarah: I mean you do sound kinda bitter lol

Incel: For real.

Me: I'm a mean guy what can I say lol. But the fact remains. I got my friends here, I got a girlfriend...

Sarah: I better be more than just a girlfriend

Me: Oh... Yes ms commissar lol

Sarah: MRS commissar... (We're both laughing)

ACP Admin: (groans in disgust)

Me: What I'm trying to say man is if we as a civilization threw GameCubes, and booze, and opportunities your way. Well, the red pill would be correct. They're always saying oh just lift bro, have hobbies bro, we need a controlled economy that'll provide you those things. Not pretend you. You're not gonna get banned from your call of duty servers, you're going to have a good job, you're going to have therapy you can get for free, you're going to have...

Sarah: I agree with all of this but uhh... YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN ANY OF THAT JIM lol

Incel: This is true. You've made it plainly clear you want the least amount of people to have.

Me: I just don't think at the end of the day you'd accept it even if it was offered to you. Like maybe not you personally. But like look at Liz. It was right in the palm of her hands. Dropped the ball, walked away, didn't look back. People wanna be miserable? I'll give them something to be miserable about. I love democracy.

Sarah: She scratched a liberal, and a fascist bled.

Me: Esnackly.

Incel: Well I wouldn't drop the ball

Me: THAN YOU'LL BE FINE

Incel: I'M NOT FINE this is literally just Joel Osteen preaching with more autism.

Sarah: Oh God don't say that...

Me: You think I'm like Joel Osteen?

ACP Admin: Oh you did it now lol

Sarah: God damn it Axel! Now Jim is gonna suck your dick!

ACP Admin: Guess he won't be an incel anymore

Incel: I don't wanna get fucked by a guy lol

Me: I'm not gonna suck his dick lol

Sarah: Better not. That mouth belong to me.

ACP Admin: Jim we've discussed this before. Will you admit you're at least open to the idea of homosexuality?

Axel: Why is everyone trying to get Jim to fuck me?

Me: I know right?

ACP Admin: I'M SAYING whenever Jim's heterosexuality is put into question, he never actually proves he wouldn't do gay shit. He just kind of deflects.

Me: It's called I'm comfortable in my sexuality and don't feel the need to prove anything.

ACP Admin: Ok than just say it. "No, I wouldn't fuck Axel."

Me: Well I mean if I were gay, Axel is a handsome man.

Axel: GOD DAMN IT

Sarah: Axel, take back what you said about the Osteen thing or imma kick you lol

Axel: The fuck did I do?!

Me: I'm not gonna fuck Axel babe lol

Sarah: You'd be kissing on me and whisper with your lips "later..." Winking at him from behind. You're that guy lol

Axel: Ahhhhhhh

Me: Nah. I'm happy with what I have. I know you'd never leave me.

ACP Admin: Ok see, again, I reiterate... You never say "No, I wouldn't do that", you say "I wouldn't do that because..."

Me: It's the autism

ACP Admin: No it's not. You're just a slut lol

Sarah: You are kind of a slut hon lol

Me: I'm your slut doh. Sarah: Oh I know lol

Axel: I feel violated. Me: Oh you'll be fine.

[kn0ckkn0ckneo]

forward motion. no friction to slow me down & no gravity to pull me down. i have a headache, my eyes feel heavy, perhaps from all the crying i did today, but i feel like i've been put in the washing machine on rinse mode all day.

by this point in my life i've understood that most things don't make sense & they aren't meant to. they're just meant to be. i know i'm not the only one experiencing this transmuting energy. today especially, November 8th, i feel that something has shifted on a mass level. scorpio season, an eclipse coming up soon & today... the 8th. the number 8 is a transformative state of being. it is ruled by pluto who also rules scorpio; sex, death, rebirth & taxes, amongst other things.

my whole life from a certain time back up until now, i've met very interesting & powerful people. by powerful i mean in all ways, both magical & material wise. what i'd like to understand about this is why? what is the reason for this? it is truly beyond me why i attract people w/such power & that they always listen to me. they always come to me for advice, always ask for my help in decision making & they become very attached to me. they are always much older than i am, yet when they stand before me they take off their masks of authority & responsibility & become vulnerable. they look like lost lambs looking for their shepard.

it's quite strange how i am experiencing loss all around me, but not directly towards me. one of my close friend's cat has cancer & will be put down tomorrow. today i said goodbye to my only close friend in cabo because she's moving back to our old city. my landlord who has become quite fond of me is going through a divorce & spiritual awakening. this man, despite all of the horrible things he says he has done, who he has been & what he believed in, did not scare me. he has a lot of power in the town i live in & somehow for some reason i was brought here. he owns two wolves. two real, wild wolves.

there is one thing that frightens me a bit & that is the drastic changes these people of power start making in their lives when they meet me. i'm going to share something that most would take as lunacy; i've always wanted to start a cult. i've always wanted to live in a small community in the middle of nowhere. to be surrounded by people with similar spiritual beliefs. surrounded by people who are against capitalism & want to create a new world. people who understand the meaning of love & the power it has. i am beginning to realize how much i want to find my soul tribe, my soul family as opposed to connecting w/a life partner. very strange changes are happening inside of me, but i also feel more real, more me everyday. i can see everything. sex no longer appeals to me. i find no pleasure in dressing seductively, on the contrary; i almost feel repulsed by it. i've been manifesting my breasts to shrink in size & for this i've been fasting. i don't want to be perceived as a sexual object. i want to be perceived for the love i have inside. in actuality, i don't quite care what i am perceived as, but i do know i don't want to be sexualized. i am a being. a being of love.

[aeaeaexxzd]

Housemate vent post, I need to talk shit about them.

First theres the obvious, our rooms are next to one another, we share a wall, I can hear them having sex all the time, it was funny haha silly awkward at first but now it's just annoying, especially when I'm trying to go to sleep and when I'm waking up. It's not like I can ask them to schedule their banging for when I'm not around, it is why I end up staying at friends places very late, in the hopes that they take the opportunity of my absence to be as loud as they want. Thank god for my noise cancelling headphones, except I can't sleep with them on my head.

They're always fucking coughing ??????????????? This winter has felt sooooooo unbelievably long. I too had the sniffles at some point but like it's march and we live in the south. Seriously what is up with their immune systems, maybe see a doctor ? I guess that vegan oatmilk diet paired with the excessive vitamin tablets I always see lying around isn't enough to keep them healthy...full shade to vegans everywhere btw. It's also funny because they're always the ones to open the windows when it's cold outside and I'm always the one turning the heating on. We literally don't pay rent we are squatting so it's beyondddddd me why they don't take advantage of that. Once I even heard them say 'gosh it's hotter in the apartment than it is outside' like that's a weird thing ???? Like it was winter a few weeks ago. I'd sure hope it's fucking warmer in the place we live than the outside. Go fucking camping or something if you crave contact with the cold air so badly. So yeah anyways, they're constantly having coughing fits while also always leaving the windows open. And no it's never been covid, and no i've never caught what they have.

One of them always, alwaaayyyysss comments on the smell of weed whenever I smoke or I'm smoking with friends in the living room. They've said several times that they stopped smoking so I don't offer anymore. And I always ask "does it bother you, we can go somewhere else" and they always reply no. And I keep the window open just a bit when we do smoke, so I don't get it, not to mention I don't cut with tabacco. They stopped smoking but occasionally incorporate weed in their recipes so I don't really understand their take on the substance. but "WO W IT SURE SMELLS LIKE WEED IN HERE." every time. every time. Please.

They have two cats that I get along with more than them. I feel like I know more about cat behavior than them. I think they also know this and resent me for it in a weird way because it's like their children. They keep their door closed shut at night so the kitties come in my room. I'm the one who opens the building door for them to go outside, early in the morning (I don't live in "america" where cats are "dangerous for the ecosystem" or whatever nonsense, both these cats would have killed each other if they weren't able to run around outside in the garden everyday, and they stay inside at night). I've clearly bonded with the creatures and they know this, so much so that in the beginning they'd joke I was their new owner. they joke about it anymore.

Probably the worst thing for me was when I left for two weeks to go on holidays. It coincided with a weekend they were going to spend away, so no one would be at the apartment. They took the opportunity that I was going to be away for a while, to shit on me in the group chat. I'm a very clean person. I always do my dishes and I'm always cleaning something or another in the apartment. They know this. It didn't stop them from sending passive agressive texts about the dishes not being done once, after they got back from their trip. They got really mad for no fucking reason, about the apartment being messy and the cats being outside when they got back. Instead of communicating like adults, they sent some very petty messages. Instead of playing into their pissing contest, I simply apologized and explained I had left to the airport in a hurry on the morning I left and hadn't had the time to clean. The whole thing made me extremely uneasy, and we still haven't talked about it, but ever since I got back I've just been doing the dishes way more, including their dishes. They know how sensitive I am, which is why I felt so horrible when they sent such agressive messages. I could never confront them about this though. Our interactions are just very limited now, probably for the better.

Also, it used to be just me and my one roommate. Who then got a girlfriend, who started hanging out a lot at ours, then sleeping over constantly, until my roommate asked me, very non-officially, if she could move in with us. I said yes, but saying no wouldn't have changed much, considering she practically already had. At first it was alright, but now that there's been all this tension, I feel like an extra thing that they'd rather be rid of. It's unpleasant, so I try to make myself as small as possible. Which sometimes still doesn't feel like enough.

There's also the whole thing with our 'landlords'... this is my first time being in this kind of situation, and since we all live here together I wish we'd communicate more and sort things out in case shit hits the fan, which we don't really... I don't want to get into detail because it's so god awfully complicated and legally I don't think I should share much info. But anyways, I needed to get these things off my chest. Overall it's fine and I'll deal with it. I mean who gives a shit about coughing and loud sex.

[realasslesbian]

Firstly, the one post I respectfully request people not to @ me about and here y'all are attin

But secondly, y'all seemed to have hopped on this post with the intent of tryna to start arguments which ain't there, and I'm fairly accustomed to that irt gold star lesbian discourse, but it also bores the shit outta me, so y'all both getting blocked after this bc I literally do not care enough to entertain this pointless reaching.

This post was about the near universal experience of repulsion to men most gold star lesbians share, that non-gold star lesbians do not. I don't care what non-gold star lesbians want to describe their experience as, y'all can call it uncomfortable, you can call it repulsion, idgaf, but if you managed to 'push yourself through' sex w men, then it ain't on the same level as most gold star lesbians' experience. From my POV, where I'd sooner get a bullet to the head than fuck a man, y'all who did in fact fuck a man do look indifferent from where I'm standing. Disagree with it, idc, non-gold star opinions on it are irrelevant to me.

I also really hate the assumption non-gold stars been labouring under that any lesbian who has only ever been with women just ended up in such a circumstance through a lucky confluence of 'self-awareness' or 'having boundaries' or 'going to an all girls school' or whatever other situational quirk completely seperated from our sexuality. I hate to break it to y'all but most gold star lesbians were not birthed straight out the vagina with hairy pits, a loud mouth and lesbian stamped on their forehead. If you actually listened to gold star lesbians for one lil second, you'd find %99 of us put it down to our visceral repulsion to men, which sees most of us rather throw ourselves into the homophobic hellfire of our circumstances than ever give dick a go. Many women do in fact lose their friends, their family, their jobs, their autonomy and sometimes even their lives before trying men. You having to have some drinkies to go through with it is not the same experience. And it's super annoying to have non-gold stars always dismissing our experience and tryna tell us who we are.

Next, straight women do not 'all have bad sex and relationships devoid of romance with men', bisexual women do not 'mostly date women' and 'women who sleep with men when they're horny or bored' are definitely not indifferent to men and are definitely not lesbians. Those are just some facts. You can harp on all day about how abusive and terrible all heterosexual relationships are, but at the end of the day the reason why more bisexual women in fact end up with men is because pursuing men is still easier and safer than pursuing women. I don't even know how all these topics got inserted in here tho, it's so irrelevant lmao y'all tried to go on a tangent about how you don't understand what the word indifferent means and ended up in a whole other discourse.

Finally, I have no beef with the first reblog, actually that was my main point, how even in adulthood, years after the fact of coming out (or being outed), gold star lesbians are still treated as pariahs by the majority of lesbians who view trying men and having kids as the only measure of maturity, and remain resolutely oblivious to the specific experience of gold star lesbians (as this thread demonstrates tbh).

Anyway, like I said, this needless nitpicking of anything related to gold star lesbians annoys the shit outta me. Y'all know what I meant and chose to come in here being obtuse anyway. Get your own post, this one's mine.

I’m just riffing here, so don’t @ me, but I’ve been thinking about different lesbian experiences (and specifically about how my experience as a gold star lesbian is often side-lined and demonized) and it’s sort of just occurred to me that probably most lesbians are merely disinterested in men, rather than sharing the same visceral repulsion for males as I do. And I guess because safe spaces for lesbian discussion are few and far between I’ve just never seen this distinction really talked about. 

Like, the overarching definition of a lesbian is a female exclusively attracted to other females. It doesn’t really matter what way you feel about men, besides being unattracted to them ofc. So theoretically I can understand how a lesbian who is merely disinterested in men could have had a boyfriend, or even a husband and kids, because she thought bad sex and no romance was just a woman’s lot in life. I can understand that, and if that’s your situation so be it, but I can’t relate to it.

For me, the idea of just ‘trying men’ is like the idea of just ‘trying a goat’. No amount of bullying or ostracism or even beating the shit outta me is going to convince me to fuck a goat. Or a man lmao Because I’m biologically hard-wired on the deepest level to find that shit extremely repellent. That doesn’t make me more or less of a lesbian, because being a lesbian is simply about exclusive attraction to women, but it also doesn’t mean I deserve to be made a pariah out of it.

I never see lesbians talking about the specific experience of being repulsed by males. And it is a specific experience. You can’t just hide behind a boyfriend in high school. You can’t just pretend to yourself that you’re a normal heterosexual girl. Maybe you don’t even know you’re a lesbian yet, but you’re quickly gonna find out you’re a weirdo when all your friends are talking about how hot men are and you’re just there like ‘lol tf??’ Then you get past high school (hopefully) and you gotta contend with every other lesbian having kids and baby daddies and treating you like you’re immature bc you ain’t never tried men and ain’t raised no children. There’s just this constant awareness that, even among lesbians, you’re ‘different’. And I just never see that perspective in the media or talked about or anything. Unless it’s to say how lesbians like me are evil and need to shut up or whatever.

But anyway, that’s just my anecdotal tale. Take it or leave it.