#because I hate myself ✌

[vladdyissues]

How do you feel about all this Sam x Danny (knowing we literally ship Vlad and Danny), I feel like if Sam finds out about a pompous relationship he would try to take Danny off Vlad's hands 😭 (I was thinking about a fanfic of that style, what do you think?)

(About the ship) I'd probably feel a lot more positive about Amethyst Ocean if Sam's character had been written a little better and their relationship wasn't bristling with so many red flags and contrary, counterintuitive moments. Like in S3E09, when Danny dreams of kissing Sam, wakes up screaming, and literally calls it "a nightmare". This is supposed to be the endgame relationship of the entire series? Come on, Butch.

But I don't hate AO. I tolerate it in canon and pretty much ignore it in fandom. Ship and let ship ✌ But when it comes to fanfic, it's all too easy to end up unfairly bashing the "unwanted" character in the love triangle, especially if the author already doesn't like the character.

Character bashing is the expression of hostility towards a character by fans. Bashing occurs in a wide variety of fandom activities and fanworks, such as fanfiction and meta posts, and takes many forms. It may be done by demonizing a character, referring to them with derogatory terms, or making them the subject of deathfics or spitefics. Discussion of character bashing is often the subject of drama, as fans may take personal offense at what they perceive as undeserved bashing. Fanlore, Character Bashing

I wrote a few fics of this nature long ago, and while they might have been mildly funny on the surface, they were really quite boring and out of character. Crackfic, basically. I kind of cringe just thinking about them because they fall under the fandom faux pas of "annoying female character with the canon romantic connection getting in the way of my beloved non-canon m/m ship".

This isn't to say you shouldn't write a fanfic about a shocked or jealous Sam trying to break up Danny and Vlad's relationship, but I think it should be handled with care—at least if you're trying to write Sam realistically or have a story with a semisweet or bittersweet ending. If you want to go the toxic, twisted, dark route—which is quite intriguing, to be honest—all that matters is making sure Sam doesn't turn into a parody or a punching bag. She's got to be believable, human, and at least somewhat true to her character.

Like, we know she loves Danny. (Unless she's planning on getting revenge, she isn't going to intentionally hurt him.) Her heart is broken, possibly her dreams, too. She's worried for him. She doesn't trust that Vlad hasn't brainwashed Danny or is manipulating him somehow. Why didn't Danny even tell her he liked Vlad, or that they had made peace with each other? Was Danny so repulsed by the thought of dating her that Vlad looked like a better option? Does she think she's responsible for Danny realizing he's gay or bi? Oof.

These are some of the questions I'd be asking myself before I even started writing. Of course, you're welcome to ignore me and proceed with your own concepts if you've already decided on how you want to write your fic. Whatever you decide to do, do it with all your spirit!

[faust-the-enjoyer]

Leaving the cod fandom ✌!

Explanation + mini rant + final comments below:

So, I used to write for some cod characters, and I don't wanna be in this fandom anymore or write for it, for many reasons:

The games are military and war propaganda, I don't want anything to do with them anymore, they're filthy.

The fandom is full of americans, and a lot of em showed that they are ok with throwing Palestinians and the global south under the bus for the illusion and false dream of having some "rights", because to them intersectionality and values are just words, nothing more. Hell, even non-Americans supported americans in doing that. Shameful.

A lot of people in the fandom have been or are in the military. How can so many of us even feel safe or comfortable in the fandom when not only have these folks' accounts been made popular, but everyone is just...ok with having someone participate in the American war machine/western imperialism/etc around? How are people supposed to feel safe when not only are these individuals popular, but never condemned/held accountable for their heinous participation in such awful things? And no, this isn't me telling you to send them hate, but just as you "call out" racists in the fandom, call em out too.

Constant weirdness, fetishization, and mischaracterization in the fandom when it comes to mental illnesses/mental disorders in the lore/games/characters. CONSTANTLY. Actual real mental illnesses/disorders, it doesn't matter if it's just a game, those illnesses/disorders are real. That's so fucking weird.

No, you're not "not discussing politics" on your blog, you're a cod blog you dipshit, you're deep throating military and imperialist propaganda disguised as a video game. What you don't wanna do is discuss atrocities committed by YOUR country/military in the global south, lay your cards on the table. Oh and another, stop bitching about the fact that minorities and groups that have been discriminated against in the west join militaries and therefore it's "ok" or "empowering" or whatever, be real with yourself and get a grip, or do you like having a stick up your ass for imperialism/a war machine?

I should only apologise to myself for even being in this fandom, for even participating in it. The nerve of some of some of you, pretending to care about others. They don't care about us, they're not even good at pretending that they do, so please, don't be fooled. I've blocked big blogs that I used to enjoy the works of in this fandom just because they're ok with selling out Palestinians, just because they wanted to vote for and encouraged voting for a genocider. Please remember that Palestinians are real people, going through a genocide. And no, i'm not obligated to give you a solution when it comes to voting, be serious, your "country" in its state today shouldn't even exist, all rights should be given back to Native Americans.

Lastly, I still have some drafts for some cod fics, though i don't know if i'll even continue writing them or not, i'll decide.

Thank you for reading.

[robogart]

So do you just respond to anon hate because you know itll get you showered with compliments after? Because you really shouldve just deleted them and moved on ... Dont engage, just block, right? Or are you just too good for that. If its not worth the effort, why do you keep doing it? Look, I really truly love your work .... I *agree* with all the people complimenting you. But taking the time out of your day to formulate snarky responses to people that should not matter to you, for the sake of drowning it out with others' approval just makes you look really vain and desperate. Im sorry if that upsets you. Im not trying to judge your character, im just saying thats how you might appear to an outsider, but you shouldnt care about what i think of you anyway. Regardless, i hope you have a wonderful day and keep making the art that you want to make. ✌

I will say "don't engage, just block" has been a successful tactic that I have used/been using on twitter (and instagram, when I remember to use it) since two people can't really engage with a character limit. There's also no real anonymous posting on either platform, so people can get dogpiled on either side, which I try to be aware of and avoid.

So it's tough because I do agree that most times it is better to walk away - you're right! And I'd be inclined to do that for most internet circumstances. But I guess this Shadowheart situation has honestly just become something that I am going to speak up on, because to these anonymous messages, I want to state and clearly explain why this piece, and others like it, are important to me. Drawing fat people is very important to me.

And I have been very much "in the pocket" today in responding to things, much more than I usually am, considering I usually don't get this much inbox attention at all. In the past, the few times I'd get this sort of quantity of responses would also come from a similar circumstance when I would want to draw a character from a popular series (usually drawing them as fat, buff, larger-bodied than their original design) and people want to speak up on it. So when this does happen, and specifically on tumblr because it's a blogging platform that supports long text and anonymous messages, I do find myself responding to most things. Especially since it's revolving around drawing fat bodies and it is something I feel impassioned to speak up on and explain why I do it.

My more "snarky" and cheeky responses are towards the anonymous messages that are giving me that energy at the start. And I respond to them because I am a person, not just some art-making machine on the internet. I want these anons to know that I see their messages, their attitude is not appreciated, and their commentary is hateful and wrong because they have internalized shit they should work through (as do we all). But it's not going to fly here and there are MANY people who agree with me and do not tolerate this behavior, and these anons should see that that is the case.

The kind and supportive messages I get because of these situations I vastly appreciate. I respond to them because I'm grateful for the time, I'm in that typing/ready-to-respond pocket, and they help me (and hopefully others) remember that for every hateful thing someone might say, there are a dozen people who support you. Every time you dare to draw and represent a person outside of the beauty standard, there will always be people who will hate it and they are going to tell you. But with them, there will be dozens more who truly love it because they find it beautiful and they will appreciate what you do. It is immensely meaningful and important to me that people see this and see more artwork that expands the scope of beauty. That is why I respond to these messages.

[plasmasimagination]

Hii

I'm very new in this plataform and the english is not my first language, so i'm very nervous. 😓

I saw your account for casuality and your open requests (if are still open) so, I'm here!

I can ask for a HSR and genshin matchup?

PD: I like your writing, I think it's cute and congratulations for yours almost 400 followers✌

She/Her

I'm pan, so I'm fine with anyone you think.💕

I'm ENFP and I'm pretty sure a 8w9.

I'm a bit like the tipycal sunshine character, optimish, always happy, extroverted, distracted... But I still a mature and wise person who sometime are very weird and feel like a strange, like so young and so old in the same time. (Ancient dreams from Marina is literally my song 😭)

I don't have a good relation with my family and I speake about them and my past never (That make me feel cringe) so, I considere myself like a bit mistery and reserved person for that and a others little things.

i love with all my soul the animals, the fantasie and sci-fi, whatever misterious-type things, philosophy and the classic fairy tales, I wanna be a writer and I have planned study philosophy.

I have a little problem with the authority for that I'm most a leader over a follower but if athe person is more capable and I respect that person i can follow the orden, and I'm very passionated when I have to defend my ideologys or when I saw a injustice, the discussions in my classroom are very interesant😅

My senses of self-preservation is almost non-existent, you know that character who always die for someone else? I'm them, I think this is the reason cause I'm a Griffyndor.

I'm very attached to my own moral, but no to the rules in general, so if I must be a alignment I would be a chaotic good.

I hate be alone, but I still fell very nervous in big crowds specialy if are very noisy, and places with no visible exits.

I can cry for whatever, I'm very kind, compassionate and affectionate all the time, i love help people in whatever, but i can be a little cruel with bad people.

I think that is all i can say about me, sorryyy id this is too long😭 i didn't know very well what write.

If you do this, so thaks to you, don't forget take care od you and a good rest.💕

HEY SWEETIE, THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING AND DONT WORRY YOU DID GREAT, and please, no need to be nervous you're way too sweet!

Anyways onto your request....

.

.

.

BLADE

Sunshine x grumpy

Fight me over this

It doesn't matter how you end up together, but what matters is that you are together and that's all thats important

He was very cautious of you in the beginning but later grew fond of you

He's okay with your want to be leading, he doesn't mind it at all actually, he appreciates it, he's more of a follower type of person that just does what told to

I think he would be a lot more laid back and sweeter around you, he wouldn't always be frowning or emotionless, occasionally smiling and generally enjoying your presence, it somewhat heals him in his eternal suffering

He will try to stop you from always putting others Infront of you, and will force you to take more care and be selfish from time to time

Kindness and compassion...you're gonna need that with him

You're like his safe place, he can trust you and actually tells you about him and his past.

Generally I think you guys would be very cute and that blade would appreciate a cute sunshine like you

SCARAMOUCHE

Rare matchup I do

But I also think that scara could use some sweetness in his life

No matter how much he denies it he absolutely loves you and your personality

He would burn the entire world down just to make you happy

At first he was very closed off and distant from you but got comfortable sooner or later and now he's all yours

Tho there might be a few discussions about who's gonna plan certain missions and who generally takes lead in the relationship (it's always gonna end up being you) but otherwise you guys are a great match

Do reassure him a bit and make sure he's doing fine because that boy needs it

[batmenstrualcycle]

gaslighting myself with large amounts of copium into thinking yuki is still alive ✌✌✌🕊 she did NOT deserve to die for that crusty ass man 😢😢 ANYWAYS if u want to u should do a yuki x reader no curse au 😍😍😊 (gege told me yuki actually got rid of all cursed energy and now she's just chilling and travelling the world and wearing designer clothes its great 😊😊)

(real) LIKE OMG NOOOO I THOUGHT SHE WOULD ACTUALLY BECOME SOMETHING IN JJK BUT IG NOT😭 but yeah yuki x reader no curse au sounds great😍

Pairing: Yuki Tsukumo x Reader (hope u dont mind it being F reader lol im convinced yuki is wlw)

Warnings: idk, flirty yuki ig? thats how she normally is anyways :v, (i was working on another yuki x reader cuz i was also gaslighting myself into thinking she isnt dead🥲 so ima mix that one up with this)

"Why did I have such a bright idea to bring you with me?"

You murmured to yourself as Yuki sat next to you with a smirk on her face and her elbow resting on the desk in front of her and her hand resting on her chin. Her finger tapped the edge of her jawline and kept her teasing smirk. "Because you love me."

"No I don't." You quickly responded before rolling your eyes and kept scanning your eyes over the words on the paper in front of you. Yuki lifted a brow and crossed her legs a second later.

"What about me don't you love?"

You let out a long huff before setting your pen down and turned to her. "Things I don't love about you...alright, are you sure you wanna hear it?" You asked. She lifted her brow again and chuckled. "Is there some sort of list?"

"A very long one. Longer than the time you can keep a girlfriend."

"Ouch. Hit me."

You perked up your eyebrows and smiled a little before leaning back in your seat...

"The way you talk, the way you walk, the way you always wink at one of the waitresses after saying 'just your heart, darling.' whenever they ask you what you want-"

"You pay attention to all that?" She cut you off, swaying side to side slightly in the rollie chair. You frowned slightly and gave her a death stare. The smirk never left her face while you huffed and continued on with the list.

".......Wow, for someone who claims to hate me so much, you sure do pay attention to a lot of stuff I do." Yuki commented once you stated you were finished. The entire list took up about 5 minutes and Yuki just stared with heart eyes.

You frowned again with parted lips this time. "Because it annoys me." You retorted before going back to the other paper in front of you.

"Oh, and also I hate your voice. I think you should try shutting up." You added while clicking your pen. She lifted her brow once again.

"...You wanna kiss me so bad, it makes you look stupid." She commented. You narrowed your eyes before turning to her. Her face remained unfazed while you scoffed in realization.

"Did you seriously set that up just so you could get me to admit that I do pay attention to you?" You questioned before she smirked.

Oh shit.

"What the fuck, Yuki?!" You exclaimed as you got up from your chair. All she did was sit back and cross her arms over the arms of the chair and intertwine her fingers together with that same smirk on her face.

"What's the problem?" She asked so calmly, as if you didn't look like you were a ticking cuss bomb waiting to blow the whole workspace up. "The problem, Yuki, is that you tricked me into admitting something I really didn't want to! Now you'll never leave me alone!" You whined before leaning back in your chair. Still, her smirk never wiped itself off her face.

"..My bad." She simply said. You turned to her with the biggest frown Yuki has ever seen in her life, and she chuckled. " 'My bad?' That's all you have to say?!" You grumble out, making her laugh even more.

Her laughter stopped once she dropped her head and looked at you.

"All seriousness," She started, leaning forward. You lifted a brow and crossed your arms.

"I really like you, Y/n. And I'm not just talking about it in a friendly kinda way." She admitted. Your face slightly fell along with your jaw.

"You..like me?"

"Yep."

You shook your head slightly, "So you're telling me, that this whole time you've been annoying me, is because you like me?" You questioned, slightly raising your voice. Yuki nodded confidently before you sighed.

"What am I going to do with you, Yuki Tsukumo?"

---

(me)

AHHHH IM SO SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER😭

[dynal]

Hi i'm Jason welcome to my SUPER AWESOME BLOG!!!!!

All you really need to know about me is that i'm an Adult and i use he/they pronouns

Below is the frequently unasked questions aka the FUQ for my blog

do you do anything outside of blogging?

i got my degree in Visual Effects and Design, so i primarily work on that kinda stuff. i also indulge in hobbies, mostly gaming

did you use any other usernames? i feel like i remember you as [x]

It's definitely a non-zero chance, since I've been on Tumblr since 2015 (yikes lol!) and have used a variety of names and usernames. I couldn't tell you anything beyond my most recent one though

what's the "midiq" tag for?

That is my queue tag, it posts two randomly queued posts per day to keep my blog somewhat active. There's a variety of things in it, about half "fandom" stuff and half art/poetry/stuff of that nature. it's just "MIDI" and Q put together--doesn't mean anything else special really.

why did you tag [x] with "cartoons" or "games" instead of its name like you do other things?

One Month Rule: if i like something for longer than a month, it gets to have its own tag. Otherwise, generic "cartoons" or "games" tag. I also tag stuff with that sometimes if I think it looks cool but i haven't played/watched

can you tag [x] for me?

99% of the time the answer is YES, just send me an ask. But be wary i might forget, and if it's something i post a lot of you might be better off just not following

i think you're really cool and i'd like to be your friend/get followed back/interact with you more. how can i do that?

I consider myself pretty amicable so literally you can just send me asks, send me posts via the DM function, etc. I try not to interact with a lot of people under 16 though, this isn't because I hate kids or something but just because I'm an adult and it feels weird. You'll Understand When You're Older.

you blocked me and i want to know why?

About 80% of the time it's not because i hate you, it's just because you post something i don't like and i try to avoid the things i dislike as much as possible. The best way to do that is to just block people! The other 20% is for actual bigots, but why would an asshole like that be reading this

do you have a hairy assed mans legs?

Yes.

what's your url a reference to?

King Dynal from Fossil Fighters, probably my first Old Man Influence ever

alright that's it, remember to "BE COOL!"

❤&✌!

[robinsnest2111]

winx club number 1 comfort media to me when I was a weird preteen and was ugly and was acting strange and all my peers hated me and bullied me and shunned me and my friends dropped me because of signs of mental illness and no one knew how to handle me, least of all myself ✌

[imdonnalynn]

I just want to point something out to fan fiction writers.

Here on Tumblr all fan fiction writers want you the reader to know that reblogs are what keep them and their work alive.

No reblogs.

No acknowledgement.

Reblogging keeps your work in the current mix of things.

No reblogs.

Everything falls back to the wayside unless someone just WANTS to take the time to scroll back a year or more (hard to do by the way, tumblr's constantly trying to shift you back to the top search results)

Whole point to this is...there's some fan fiction writers on here that...they're inappropriate...

Meaning...some of the prominent writers here on Tumblr, in the Top Gun: Maverick fandom (even others) are what I call..

Drank the koolaid.

Meaning they think they can be as rude, mean, dismissive, uneducated and closed minded as possible...if you don't agree with THEIR point of view...stop canceling, stop hating, stop demeaning those around you that challenge or question you to validate why you believe or do what you do.

You have no right to force ANYTHING on anyone around you, ANYTHING.

Writers, people in general, they hide behind these accounts, these screens, and they ruin and bully those that don't fit their agenda.

I say fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Some of you writers are being stuck up, hypocritical, double standard and you aren't mature enough to admit when you're in the wrong.

I know these things because in the past I've had to make fake accounts myself before to keep from being targeted all because my opinion didn't match theirs in a moment.

And like the trained mob people can be they gather their pitch forks and torches and the witch hunt is on.

You may laugh at my wording but I imagine it wasn't far off for them either back in the day.

Some of y'all keep on, I will point you out for being a cyber bully.

By the way, in case you didn't know it. Blocking someone for having a different opinion just shows how insecure you are in yours.

✌

[rochelle-echidna]

9 and 17 for the writer's ask game ✌ -Pyro Sea

9: Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they?

Already answered here :)

17: What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

Aw man, literally so many moments have made me hella proud since I started writing for myself again 3-ish years ago - it's so hard to choose! I'm always sincerely chuffed whenever an author I admire says they like my work, and it fills me with so much overwhelming emotions when I get comments saying that what I created helped someone through a tough time, was a great character / story interpretation, made a reader Feel Things, etc.

But I'm gonna be cheeky and say the proudest lately was when I posted this fic and was nervous beyond belief that everyone would hate it... only to find it resonated with a lot of people and has generally been well-received haha It's tough work putting yourself out there as a creator of any kind, and there are never any guarantees about public reaction - you can only make what you make because only you can make it :)

Thanks for sending these asks in - it's always fun answering them (even if I take literally forever to answer)!

[missmiseryguts]

I've avoided watching II17 because I heard it was... um... y e a h..

i thought I prepared myself (apparently not) for what I was about to watch (again, APPARENTLY NOT)

6 minutes in and I was already shaking wtffffff

Have you watched it yet, and what was your opinion on it?

Oh boy. II17... I have a weird opinion on II in general, but I OKAY. I DIDN'T LIKE IT THAT MUCH. DON'T COME AT ME. Some things were great! Others made me want to tear my hair our... Spoilers below! Also this has a lot of complaining so uh. Don't maul me 💀🙏 💕

It had some BANGER moments, but some things fell flat. The character deaths felt too. Fast. IMO IMO IMO because before they were slow and suspenseful and well spaced out, but they felt oddly placed and quick.. Too quick, like test tubes death??? Me and my friend didn't like it HELP... Also I got kind of confused on WHY Paintbrush lived??

Fan died apparently for knowing too much, but Paintbrush now also knows too much because Fan told them everything. Then Lightbulb came over and warned Paintbrush as to where Knife n Suitcase where but LIGHTBULB Died, and Paintbrush didn't?? They literally have so much info now so why didn't Cobs just kill THEM too??? He clearly could!! He killed Fan and Test Tube and Lightbulb why not them??? But that might be a personal squick..

Also is it just me or was Fans theory scene just "the exposition scene for those who haven't caught up" HELP. Like that was pure exposition.

And Lightbulb managed to jump out the way of the mephone X but suddenly just stopped?? Girl keep hopping 💀!??? Was ir because she fell?!ROLL GIRL STOP DROP AND ROLL KEEP GOING?!

And why did she say "You obviously never wanted this before but it's time for you to be the leader" because um. Isn't Paintys whole thing wanting to be the leader. Am I dumb rn. . . I don't get that line it's stumped me for days. THE VOICE ACTING IN THE SCENE WAS GOLDEN THOUGH!? PROPS TO THEM!!!

Though I did really like the Bow possession thing being used again LOL, I think that's a fun thing that should've been used more!! Toilets new voice took a while for me to like LOL. Also I wish the survivors in the Purgatory Mansion actually did more... They kinda just stood there while Bow did everything with Apple - like, I wish they did more, if that makes sense??

Like Lightbulb needed Paintbrush to be the leader like it was her final wish but they didn't really do anything. Too leadership like after that.

The ending was... It was um. An ending to an episode alright. ✌

I think thats most of it????? It was. Fine to me, not very high on the list. I thought the sudden sprite changes in the fight scene between Knife N Suitcase was fucking hilarious like how you let a kick do that bro.

The whole *this is definitely fake* thing confuses me too, where did they get time to plan that out?? How did they know toilet and Bow was planning to unplug Me, and like, when was it said??? at all??? How did they plan a fake fight??? It was so clearly faked IMO, but it was like. WHEN DID THEY. PLAN. THAT??? OFF SCREEN???? BUT THEY HAD SUCH ANIMOSITY EVEN WHEN NO ONE WAS WATCHING???? HOW DID BOW FIND TOILET??? AND LIKE. MAKE THAT. PLAN???

... The robots of Justin Brian and Adam were too funny to take seriously too IMO.

And how did they make the connection from Video game re plugging itself to wires to toilet?? How come only the object being deleted could see mephone X before but suddenly everyone can see Mephone X now?? I shouldn't ask too many questions. Maybe I watched it wrong.

I don't HATE THE SHOW I don't think. Just um. I think it's on some trembling scaffolding. HAHAHA SORRY I AM NOT ADDING TAGS TO THIS I'M GONNA GET MAULED....

But that's just my opinion HELP. If you liked it all the power to you.. HELL. TELL ME WHY YOU LIKED IT!! Maybe the reasons I don't like it are the reasons YOU like it! Who knows, people are weird, it's nice to have different opinions! :D I invite discussion HELP. Or if you've got corrections to stuff I'm wrong on or explanations to stuff I'm confused on. . . God help me HA

[chemicalcarousel]

questions taken from this post

just answering all of these for myself because i can and i don't wanna wait for potential asks

Hi! Who are you right now?

I'm Levi ✌

How do know its you thats out? What are your usual cues?

Uhh good fucking question. i feel like a guy ig (dysphoria). and i have very strong feelings of justice and i get very pissed when ppl aren't treated right (im super vengeful). i also dissociate a lot when im confronted with my source and i think my voice is lower and im less "all over the place" than some of the other alters? i'm more "relaxed" ig, even if my emotions can get very strong and bordering black/white

Do you like it when people know its You and not the collective whole? Is it situational, or depends on the person?

It's complicated. i feel very exposed and i'm nervous what other people will think of me since i'm a fictional introject of a very popular anime character. i'm also worrying about which impression we as a collective have on the people around us, and if they know we are a DID system and which alters we got, then they might treat us in some weird fucking way (and let's be honest - that's the reality of it) but on the other hand, i feel so lonely and invisible when i'm talking to my friends and they don't know that i even exist, ya kno? i'd wish i could be myself around my friends and i'm still trying to find out if that is possible

What sort of aesthetics do you draw to?

i guess darker ones? like black and red. i like grunge and punk too. i also fuck with traumacore, again especially black/white and red shit. angry shit. im an edgy little man

What do you look like?

pretty much like my source, i just wear different clothes ig here's some pics xoxo

What sort of emotions do you feel mostly when you’re out?

anger, grief, vengefulness, idk man i'm ready to punch a bitch lol

What sort of situations are you out in most of the time?

I'm a host, but other than that i'm always the one going to sleep and i am the one that doesn't hate ourselves ig. i'm not gonna blame us for what other people did or do to us, ya kno. i'm a protector

Are there other parts like you in the same system?

we have another introject of the same character, but he's nothing like me or our source. so no, i think i'm the only alter like me in this body?

Are you part of a subsystem?

no, i don't think we have subsystems

What’s your relationship like to the parts nearest to you right now?

idk, kinda like roommates or "found family"? i'm not sure who's close rn tho, but i'm chill with all the alters i know

Do you have vague memories of before you came out, or do they feel blocked out?

i have no idea what this means. i think it means before i fronted and yeah we kinda have a "shared consciousness", but sometimes i realise i don't have all the pieces of what happened, but it's mostly greyouts and emotional amnesia

What’s your favorite way to ground?

nature, fidget toys, drinking something tasty

Do you have a favorite snack or drink?

idk i love coffee ig. i like food in general lol

Do you have a favorite item in the present world?

hmm... can't think of one item, but i have some clothing and other stuff that i like. i love flannel shirts and i love pretty teacups

Do you have an inner world? Do you have a place you like in there?

nah, not really. it's just a black void. we haven't been able to construct one and nothing has seemed to pop up yet

Whats a simple way other parts might describe you to like a therapist or something?(they’re the fierce one, the sad one, ect)

the angry/vengeful one/the fight response one

What’s the safest thing you can imagine right now?

so pathetic, but ig that's a part of why i was created. but the safest thing i can imagine is the guy i see as my soulmate (erwin), but he's a fucking anime character from my source and has never and will never be real. but he's such a comfort for me and thereby the entire system. i just wish he was actually real lol i definitely haven't cried myself to sleep because he's a drawing ahahaha :')

What’s something you wish the system would do more of?

stand up for ourselves. but i do understand why other parts don't do this and i don't blame them. i'd just wish they didn't feel this fear and shame

What’s your handwriting like?

idk ugly? i think all of us have an ugly handwriting lmfao

Free space! Tell me a random fact about you or something you’re thinking about

uhh rn im dissociating bc we are opening up to a friend about our DID and it's making all of us nervous, so that's what's in my thoughts. a random fact could be that i fucking love making fun of my source and i love making fans mad lmfao

[rockingego]

damn i was hoping I wouldn't have to go to mf tumblr of all places to vent often but the server that use to give the best advice for vents now deletes vents that get too depressing or somethin idk and deleted my recent vent so here I am again ✌

Long story short I dunno if I can make it to next year man

End of the semester which means grades coming in soon and midterm finals or whatever next week

My lowest class average is a 80 and my highest is a 100

But that's the problem

80 is too low for my parents

I need a 85 or higher in every class

I'm barely able to keep my core classes above that line

English is a 88 Chemistry is a 85 AP History is a 86 and Algebra 2 is a 80

That's just barely good enough. I'm above a 90 in all my electives but to them that's just me not trying hard enough and only giving a damn about the stuff I like

I have no confidence in myself for finals because I can never concentrate in tests and the time limits fuck me over every time

If I fail any of these I'm going to be in so much trouble my winter break will be hell for me

I just want to poison myself or something at this point because I have no faith in myself and I'd rather be dying in a hospital than being yelled at by my dad for days and getting my stuff taken

I fucking hate school so fucking much

[idleducks]

Funny little thing happened the other day. I ordered in some delivery. When the food arrived, two of the four drinks were missing. Four meals and two drinks were safe, but the other two simply come with. Psych myself up to call the restaurant about this, and choose redelivery over reimbursement. Twenty minutes later, the drinks were here!…and more~ They also wound up redelivering the two meals the drinks were from, as well as the same two drinks that had already made it prior. So I wound up with two free meals and two free drinks because someone messed up the first delivery!

As much as I hate phone calls, if that’s the end result, then they’re not all terrible ✌︎😄✌︎

[seb-is-dumb]

Sober tings ✌✌✌

Every day is the same. i wake up at like three or five and i get on my computer and just numb myself with media until i get hungry, then i walk to the restaurant nearby and take food to go and back to my computer. every time i try to break the cycle i get frustrated with myself and complain why do i do this and why do i feel awful all the time. i hate feeling like that cause then i just think about suicide, but i know its bad and it would be upsetting to a lot of people, so i get high to block out the feelings and feel good for about 4 hours and then i go to bed. repeat cycle. I want out, i want to be a normal collage student and study and actually go to class, and have friends to study and hangout with. I feel helpless to stop the cycle, and i feel worthless because im in the cycle. Marching band does help sometimes, because it makes me go outside which helps, but it can be hard to even get up and go to that, and i love marching band. I love performing, especially music. but i just feel like I'm dragging everyone done, especially today cause i fucked up a lot. I hate trying to do things, and then i struggle through them, like the most basic tasks. example was that i was finally filling out a loan thing on the fafsa and i was struggling through it, just to read it. I dont want to burden people that i care about with this knowledge, but its getting noticeable that im not talking to anyone, and that im struggling.

[goldennikko]

*crawled out from the depths of hell, reaching out and clawing at the grass as I pulled myself up, finally seeing daylight again after 5 centuries*

yooooo it's been a while 🥺✌, how u be?

176. Last Halloween costume you wore?

177. Thoughts on haunted houses? (the ones in carnivals/amusement parks)

178. You like any J-pop artists? (that aren't from Kpop groups)

179. Last cartoon you watched?

180. Do you watch any eSports?

181. Favorite kind of weather?

182. What is at the end of a rainbow?

- ❓

(and thank god for your tags, otherwise I wouldn't have known which number I left on.. 😭🙌)

AAAAA HELLO OMG IT'S BEEN A WHILE. I MISSED YOUUU. I'M OKAY! HOW R U? WHERE WERE U THIS TIME HELP

176. uHH i really don't do halloween shi WHSHWJHSSWJ but i remember when i was vv young, i was a vampire and my makeup was shit

177. i've never been to one because i hate scary shit

178. uHH i listen to centimillimental, eve, fujii kaze, vaundy, yama, yoasobi 🤔 i don't know their songs much tho because i just listen hehe

180. i don't, i don't have time for that AJSJJWJSA

181. UHH cold, so i can just lay in bed. well, as long as i'm not out and about, i like the rain as well

182. the end of the rainbow... is the end of the rainbow...?

WHSHHWHSH HELP YOU'VE BEEN MISSED FR

[from-dusk-to-daydreams]

ok nvm besties back to being incredibly suicidal ✌

and like I have anti-depressants prescribed but I can't take them yet because I have to use my car every day and I have to see how I react to them before I can drive while on them. I just want to not be suicidal and feel like shit every single day but ig that's too much to ask. fuck my life fr I am so fucking close to just ending it. I don't even know if d*isco el*sium can fix this one girlies.

The funniest part is every single mental health professional I go to say that my depression is moderate, like huh???? I can't take care of myself and I have thoughts of suicide daily?? I can't maintain social connections normally? I can't feed myself like I should? but I go to work every single day so I must be doing fine right??

I hate it here