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#because I get to the end of the night and I'll just be crying as I close down alone because everyone else has stormed off
papergirllife · 2 days
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Lee Jeno (M)
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fratboy!Jeno x reader
Synopsis:
Jeno has a past that holds him back from what life could potentially offer him, and one of those, he thinks, is you.
WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, FEEL FREE TO BLOCK ME IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE
warnings: minor character death (in the past), themes of grief and moving on, tooth-rotting fluff, Jeno being down bad but he was sort of an ass for a bit, crying during sx, sp@nking, mc's a masoch1st (kinda), body worship, unprotected sx, 0verstimulation, oral sx.
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The music resonates the walls of the dingy frat house as Jeno makes his way through hordes of people on the dance floor, trying his best to squeeze through drunk college students to get to the kitchen, he's too goddamn sober to handle this amount of people as a self proclaimed, he checked his MBTI, obviously, introvert.
“Jeno! Finally made your way down from your room! Finally done studying?” Chenle asks on the top of his voice, clearly a little more than just tipsy, seeing how Jisung's the one making drinks right now, which the latter offers, but Jeno declines, he wants some alcohol to get him going, not blackout drunk, he still needs to get to his quiz in the afternoon tomorrow.
“I don't have much choice, not even the earplugs work against Johnny hyung’s speakers,” Jeno says with a sigh, looking out at the living area, this is going to be a long night, he thinks to himself.
“I told you to get the ones from that brand, they're only slightly pricier, you know,” Chenle chides, the irony, coming from the international student, but he knows his friend means well.
“They're out of my budget, it's fine, I started earlier just to get it done before this party anyways, I'll see you guys later, if you're not passed out by the pool that is,” Jeno jokes as he pours himself a mixture of whiskey and coke.
“Very funny, Lee, even if Mark leaves me out there in the cold, I know Jisung would save me, right bro?!”
Jeno doesn't hear what Jisung has to say, merely chuckling to himself as he makes his way through the crowd once more.
The worn out couch sinks as Jeno takes his seat, he watches as Jaemin talks about something animatedly with bombastic gestures and his tone pitched higher, he's going to be the perfect kindergarten teacher after he graduates being an education major and all, then there's Shotaro, watching wide eyed, engrossed in whatever tale Jaemin is telling, he's going to miss this, Jeno notes to himself, sighing at the fact that his sophomore year has begun and in a year's time he's going to say goodbye to all of this.
“Renjun said you'd be studying, didn't expect to see you tonight,” you say as you take the empty spot next to Jeno, Renjun on your side, you've always been his beloved little sister, Renjun is tiny, but for you? He'd pack a punch any time, his last victim was a 6 feet guy who was too handsy for his liking and dude ended up with a broken nose, he broke a finger too, but no one mentions that unless they want to end up in the same fatal tragedy.
“Finished studying, so I thought I'd come down here and join the rest of you,” and maybe because he wanted to see you too, not that he'd ever admit that, to himself or others, he has no right to delve into these emotions, it wouldn't be fair to you or her.
“Wow Jeno, no need to brag about your smarts like that, all of us know you're the top of the department,” you joke with a nudge of your shoulder, and with that slight movement, your thin cardigan slips down your smooth shoulder, revealing the strap of your tank top.
“Says the one that doesn't need to study and still passes,” Jeno retorts as he lets his eyes linger for a bit, before he decides to finally scoop up the collar section of your cardigan, covering your shoulder once again, and from the corner of his eye, he sees Renjun watching him.
“That's because I only aim to pass, unlike mister high achiever here, and I'm not cold, don't worry,” you say, but regardless, your body naturally inches closer to his, his warmth seeping through his bomber jacket has you hooked.
“Enough about me, what about you? What type of content are you shooting next?” Jeno asks, you're an almost full time influencer, the only reason you're still in college is because you want to get the degree as plan b, and Jeno, one of the few with a car, secondhand from his sister, always offers to drive you and sits through shootings with you, whether it be a trip to Olive Young or the newest cafe on the block.
“Probably gonna try doing those ‘a day in my life as a college student’ vlogs cuz some of my followers have been asking, but I'm not sure, it's a lot of work to film, might just end up going through my PR boxes instead or a review of this lip balm I've been looking for an excuse of getting,” you joke, knowing you, Jeno knows you're gonna get it and review it regardless, unless it's sold out, then he'd be one of the firsts to hear about your complaints.
“I could hold the camera if you want to,” Jeno offers, he always does, and you knew he would, it's why you asked in the first place.
“Thank you, my sweet assistant, knew I could always count on you,” you say before booping Jeno’s scrunched up nose, he always does that when you call him that, very textbook Taurus of him.
“Hey Jeno! Wanna play beer pong with us?” a girl comes up to him over the back of the sofa, tapping on his shoulder, probably his coursemate or something.
“Sure, I'll see you around, let me know when you wanna film, I'll see when I'm free,” Jeno says before giving you a little wave, following the girl to the beer pong area, and everyone knows she's going to end up inviting her to his bed, whether you like it or not.
“Since I'm not drinking tonight and I'm not a smoker, I'm craving Shin noodles, anyone want some?” you ask as you smooth down your skirt, you're gonna borrow your brother's apron, god knows you're one clumsy bitch and you love this mini skirt you searched high and low for, the things you do for a shushu tong dupe.
“Did someone say Shin noodles? I'm down,” is the first thing Mark says when he finally joins your friends’ little section, sex hair and a rumpled shirt triggering a few snickers.
“Sure, Markie, you should probably tidy your hair though,” you say before ruffling it up further, quickly making your way to the kitchen after, distantly, you hear Jaemin’s laughter ringing out even with the loud music playing still.
When you’re cooking the noodles, someone walks in, out of the corner of your eye, you see a familiar mane of orange hair.
“Hi Yang Yang, want noodles?” you could probably look for another pot if he wants some, you're sure Renjun stocked up some extra pots here, and even if he didn't, you're sure Taeyong did.
“I'd be down for your noods, if you know what I mean,” he answers coyly, his hand resting at your waist as he attaches himself to your side, watching you separate the noodles to cook them faster.
“Very funny, I'm on day 6 still, so thanks but no thanks, bud,” you reply, patting him on the hand at your side before you turn off the heat.
“Damn, talk about bad timing, no wonder you're craving for noodles, I'll just have a bit of yours, who's sharing with us? I'll go out and call them in, you can take the bowls out and stuff ” Yang Yang offers.
“Mark, he's at the sitting area,” you say before you feel Yang Yang leave your side, you carefully move the pot before fetching the bowls and utensils, grabbing the big thongs and ladle, you quickly get yourself a small portion, almost moaning at the familiar spiciness that ignites your taste buds in the best way possible.
“Wow, thanks bro,” Mark says, eyes lighting up at the sight of food, quickly fetching his own portion.
The two boys start talking about the latest NBA match while you eat in peace, you love eating while chatting up with friends, but you cherish having one on one moments savouring the food you're eating, Jeno calls you weird for that, but maybe that's because he keeps having that dry chicken breast for meals.
“Oh, if you guys want to fuck, you need to hurry up cuz Renjun just left with this girl not too long ago, and you know how he is,” Mark informs,
Renjun’s very particular about sleeping conditions with his one night stands, one time he was willing to pay extra for hailing a cab at 2am because he was sick of the artificial vanilla scent of this girl's diffuser.
“Not tonight, crimson rain's still in season,” you joke before getting more noodles into your bowl, meanwhile Yang Yang's stopped eating, he was just craving for a little taste.
“Oop, that explains the noodles, too bad for you dude, maybe Yuta hyung would have more luck,” Mark jokes, he always liked joking about how you got a roster of boys lining up at your doorstep, when in reality you're always bouncing between Yuta and Yang Yang.
“He got her last time, I gotta make my move faster this time,” Yang Yang says with a groan, putting down his chopsticks, having had enough of his fill.
“l'll let you know when I'm done, how about that, you whiny baby,” you tease, pulling his ear playfully.
Yang Yang cheers from his seat before getting up to wash his bowl.
“See you when the sky's sunny, baby, and Mark, basketball tomorrow afternoon, right?” Yang Yang bids the two of you goodbye, probably off to find another girl or game with Hendery.
“He's not bad, you know, simple minded dude,” Mark suddenly suggests, scooping more noodles then soup into your bowl before you put your hand up to stop him, that's enough noodles for tonight.
“He's alright, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now,” both of you know you're lying through your teeth, but it's the answer that won't stir anything up, you enjoy the dynamic you share with the boys, you're not gonna risk it, not that your feelings would ever be reciprocated.
“What about Yuta then? Is he more your type than Yang Yang?” Mark asks, always looking out for your heart, more than you ever did for yourself at least, which is almost the same for all your friends.
“Maybe, but no, he's not looking for a relationship either,” you explain, this time, not a white lie.
“Yuta thinks you're cool, I'm sure he'd be down to try if you showed interest,” Mark tries his best to convince you.
“I don't think I can watch idly if he looks at a girl with some neon-coloured box dye hair a little longer, I'd be seething, I need someone who's 100% down bad,” you say, trying to deflect the topic at hand.
“Alright, alright, I'll let you be, I'll get back to you when I think of someone new,” Mark says, not giving up on playing matchmaker.
“Have fun playing cupid with that terrible aim, Markie,” you tease before saying goodnight to him, planning on spending the rest of the night alone rewatching this k drama you love.
You were about to text Yeri, your roommate and bestie who had came with you, but upon opening your chat room with her, you realise she has once again ditched you for a boy she found. Oh well, guess you're just gonna crash in your brother's room, Renjun’s room is slightly bigger than most of the rooms in the house because you had once stayed here for a brief period of time when you were in between rentals, so there's space to fit in one more super single in his room, albeit a slightly tight fit, but at least you get to steal your brother's skincare for the night.
On your way to Renjun’s room, you bumped into Yang Yang once more in the hallway.
“Hey! Wanna game with us for a bit? It's just me and Hendery, we're playing COD,” he offers with that bright smile of his which strangely enough, reminds you of Lightning Mcqueen from the Cars cartoon.
“I don't know, Yang, I kinda suck at it,” you would love to have a switch from mobile to Xbox, but not at the expense of potentially ruining someone's game night.
“Come on, we're chill, Hendery dies all the time anyways,” Yang Yang insists, a hand on your back, steering you to his shared room, “but don't tell Hendery I said that,” he whispers by your ear before Hendery turns around to greet you.
“Yo! Nice of you to join us, Ten ditched us for the night so it's nice to have three players again,” Hendery exclaims, enthusiastically passing you the remote.
“Why aren't you guys partying like the rest of the frat?” you ask while picking a character.
“Parties are here every week, this one's kinda boring so might as well game the night away,” Hendery explains before noting how you're an urban tracker girlie.
And after two matches with the boys, you have to agree with the sentiment.
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Jeno throws on a simple sweater before leaving his room to go get some water for himself and the girl on his bed, but something catches his eye from the other end of the hallway, it's you and Yang Yang, cosying up outside his room, Jeno’s fist clenched up when he sees you following into his room, he knows you sleep around casually, but he rarely ever catches sight of it, and it leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.
The party is finally starting to phase out, most of the partygoers are either passed out on the couch, or the unfortunate ones, by the pool or at the lawn. The frat members themselves are mostly gone, either retreated into their own respective rooms or have gone back with someone, so Jeno hadn't expected himself to bump into anyone when he came in to fetch two bottles of water.
“Why do you look like you want to squeeze the life out of those bottles, dude? Was tonight's lay not good enough for you or something?” Haechan asks, car keys dangling from his hand, he must've come in through the backdoor instead of the front, he once had someone puke on his Nike shoes so he isn't taking any chances anymore.
“Nothing, go to sleep,” Jeno deflects, god knows he doesn't need Haechan nosing into his business, which he has a reputation of doing so.
“When you're this pissed off it's usually either you fucked up a test or… is it her?” Haechan didn't even need to emphasise on who's the her when Jeno threatens to throw his half full bottle at him before he was stopped by Jaemin who had come in to dispose of some of the trash he had cleaned up from the living area.
“Jaemin ah, Jeno’s bullying me again!” Haechan whines moving to hide behind Jaemin’s wide frame.
“Stop provoking him and you'd be fine, now go, you're lucky I'm here to take the trash out,” Jaemin says before he ushers his bratty friend out of their kitchen.
“As much as you don't want to hear this, Haechan does have a point,” Jaemin says as he sorts the trash into different recycle bins, “she's not going to be single forever, and I know you love Eunbi, but it's been years, she wouldn't want to see you like this,” Jaemin explains with his most motherly tone that he dishes out unconsciously at times.
Eunbi was Jaemin’s cousin sister and Jeno’s girlfriend from 15 to 17, she passed away suddenly due to a drunk driving accident, and from that day onwards, Jeno has never really been the same again, he swore off the possibility of loving someone again, until you came into his life, his restraint wavering bit by bit as you take up his heart, piece by piece.
Jeno’s hand rises to his chest to feel the familiar butterfly charm hanging on his necklace, Nabi, he used to call her, because she used to love butterflies and also because they rhyme with her name, this necklace is Jeno’s only significant remembrance of her, other than their shared memories.
“I don't have any feelings for anyone, so it doesn't matter,” Jeno brushes off the topic with ease, he's had a lot of practice, and quickly leaves the kitchen.
With a defeated sigh, Jaemin watches his best friend go, hoping that one day soon, he'd be able to finally move on from Eunbi.
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Another week passes and the weekend rolls around quicker than expected, Yuta was in the kitchen pouring himself a drink, spiked punch of some sort that Taeyong whipped up, some people got too drunk for his liking last week, so now he’s doing it himself before Chenle or Jisung gets the chance to.
“Oh, Yuta-ah, can you go and play with the kids? You know how truth and dare gets, and I don’t trust Johnny to be responsible, he’s always been such an instigator,” Taeyong says with a shake of his head, as he measures the vodka down to the tiniest drop.
“And you think I’d be the perfect candidate to keep an eye on them?” Yuta asks in disbelief.
“I trust that you’d do as I say for once, Yuta, the others are all still studying for their finals, just this once?” Taeyong asks, and how could Yuta say no when his best friend pulls out the big boba eyes.
Yuta sighs when he sees the sight of Jisung putting a whole dollop of wasabi in his mouth, but he can’t help but laugh when the youngest rushes to the bathroom before he inserts himself in the circle in between you and Mark.
“You’re playing?” Shotaro asks, already perking up at the idea of his big giving away bits and pieces of himself, Yuta isn’t exactly an open book, so he's excited to learn more about him.
“Yup, Taeyong told me to keep an eye on you scoundrels,” Yuta says before he catches Johnny’s eyes, the latter barking out a laugh, Yuta also notes how Jeno was seated next to his friend, he must be here because you’re here, maybe Yuta won’t keep his promise after all.
Things go by uneventfully other than some truths being spilled and Jaemin being told to twerk in the middle of the circle, which he was more than happy to do, however, when he was done his eyes landed on you, and because you’ve been saying truth for a few turns now, you switch it up by saying dare, and honestly, he knows all the truths because all these boys ask are things in the bedroom, taking advantage of the fact that Renjun is absent tonight, so things weren’t all that interesting, but now, Yuta’s interest is piqued.
“I dare you to make out with the hottest person playing,” Xiao Jun suggests, which garnered some groans, Yuta snickers next to you, Yang Yang isn’t here, so things are very much predictable.
You smooth down your skirt before you circle the men around you, eyes lingering on Jeno for a bit too long, the ones that know watch intently, but when you stop in front of Johnny, gasps ring out around the circle, cheers started erupting when squat in front of Johnny, the surprise on his face was evident, cute even if you’re honest, you’re glad you chose to be chaotic tonight, the panic in his eyes had you giggling, breath hitched when you lean in place a chaste peck on his cheek, when you lean away, and did a quick turn back to facing Yuta, Johnny barks out a laugh, while the rest of them back to groaning, you catch a few of them saying that they knew you were just playing them.
Yuta extends his arms, a knowing smile on his face. His eyes take in your plump lips coated in his favourite cherry lip gloss.
“Someone’s been stirring trouble, haven’t you?” Yuta says before he feels your hands tangled in long hair, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jeno glaring at him, Jaemin watching nervously where he’s seated.
“I’m always down for trouble when it’s you,” you retorted before you seal your lips with his, climbing into his lap, the familiar bulge of his belt buckle digging into your pelvic and the feeling of of his hands enveloping your thighs sends a shiver up your back, and you couldn’t help yourself, grinding into his crotch, the material of your skirt covering most of your movements, but Yuta could feel everything, smiling against your lips, before he pulls away from you, he could feel his cock twitching at the sight of your dazed eyes and swollen lips.
“Show’s over, I’m taking this one up,” Yuta announces, carrying you away from the shameless group of frat boys that were watching, it’s not their first time, but their curiosity never satiates.
“Damn it, now I need to be the chaperone,” Johnny says begrudgingly.
Jaemin’s silent as he watches his best friend fume in his spot, with a sigh, he cracks a bottle of soju he placed next to him before the game started, passing it to Jeno, the latter taking a huge swig, not long after, Jeno opts out of the game to look for a distraction for the night.
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Your eyes flutter when you wake, the sun shining from Yuta’s opened blinds, his body warm under yours, his arm tossed over your waist which you remove to go wash up in his ensuite bathroom, the good thing about sleeping over at Yuta’s.
When you’re done, Yuta’s still sleeping away, you close his blinds for him, he’d probably want to sleep longer, he finished his finals not too long ago, he should be getting more rest.
So you put on your skirt from last night and stealing a sweater from his closet before you padded down to the kitchen, opening the fridge to fetch some ingredients for a basic omelette, spinach and eggs.
“There's still some leftover cranberry juice from last night,” Jeno says, startling you from stirring the omelette in your pan.
“Oh, nice, could you pour me a glass?” you ask, “if you want an omelette then you can fetch me more eggs and spinach, I'll make it,” you add on.
“Thank you,” Jeno says, handing you the ingredients after washing and chopping the spinach.
Soon after, the two of you are sat across each other on the island, joking about last night’s events, from the part where Haechan was dared to take off his shirt and go out for a quick run in the cold till the part where Jaemin had twerked in the circle and had accidentally shoved his ass at a very confused Jaehyun who had just finished a round of beer pong and wanted to see what was happening in the truth or dare circle, conversation was going smoothly and lighthearted until it wasn’t, by then the two of you have finished eating and Jeno’s washing the dishes.
“So you and Yuta…” Jeno trails off, his gaze absent, his fingers holding the fork rather tightly, knuckles white from the restricted blood flow.
“It’s nothing serious,” you brush off absently, you’re not lying, what you and Yuta have is strictly no strings attached, but if the lines were more blurred…you wouldn’t have minded if Jeno hadn’t holed up a place in your heart.
Jeno nods, unconvinced, or maybe he’s just blinded by jealous rage.
“Jeno?” your voice yanks Jeno away from the many images of you and Yuta holding hands and kissing, a scene cruller than what he had witnessed last night, but he bites his tongue from saying anything, not when he still has Eunbi’s necklace hanging on his neck, it wouldn’t be fair to any of you if he acts on his urges.
“Yeah?” Jeno grunts out, he didn’t mean to sound mean, but he can’t help it, just the thought of you and Yuta being something more just pisses him off, he isn’t even worried about Yang Yang, he knows you go to him for pure casual fun, you can never settle with a guy like that, he could tell you crave someone who has a natural leading aura, and that’s why he’s so down bad, the way your eyes light up when he helps you with something as simple as carrying your bag or ordering your food, every time he does something for you, he could feel his heartstrings tugging painfully.
“Jeno, if you have something to say, then say it,” you say, you don’t know why you’re feeling so confrontational today, but it’s been two years of running in circles around Jeno, and honestly, you’re tired, and maybe this would send your friend group into a catharsis, but you can’t keep tiptoeing your feelings around Jeno anymore, not when he obviously knows how you feel.
Jeno shuts the tap off before turning to face you, and something breaks inside him when he sees the conflicted look swimming in your pupils, and at that moment, he wants to wipe it away, and so he makes the mistake of pulling you close by the waist, sealing his lips with yours, and Jeno hasn’t felt this alive since a long time, he could feel all the nerves on his lips igniting like a dying flame miraculously being sparked till they’re a blazing wildfire, and the way his hands wrap around your waist, the warmth of your body rekindles a physical craving he’s never felt before with anyone else he used as a distraction of the loss of Eunbi. Eunbi, no-
Your heart shatters when Jeno pushes you away, searching his eyes for an explanation, but Jeno has his eyes closed, he looks too calm, taking a deep breath as if that kiss was merely a simple mistake, you’ve seen him act more emotional when he doesn’t receive his desired grade for a paper, are you nothing to him?
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” Jeno mutters through gritted teeth, eyes avoiding yours at all cost.
“Is that it? That’s all you have to say to me, Jeno? That our kiss was merely a mistake? Don’t tell me what you feel all this time is also some sort of fucking misjudgement, Jeno!” you lash out, venom in your tone as you throw out punches on his sturdy chest, and what made you angrier was that he let you hurt him, like he doesn’t even bother defending or protecting himself from your lethal accusation, you can’t even call him a coward, a coward wouldn't stand there and let you do as you please.
Fortunately for Jeno, Jaemin comes to his rescue, detaching your agitated figure away from his friend, trying his best to calm you down with sweet nothings, that you’re better off, that Jeno’s being an idiot, but the damage has been dealt, there’s nothing that can make you feel better, but you guess you expected this, you had too much faith in Jeno.
“I’m so disappointed in you, Jeno,” you say before you take your leave, casting one more disappointed look at Jeno, and at that moment, the man that you’ve always thought looked so broad in your eyes now looks like the smallest man who’s ever lived.
Jaemin sighs when he no longer sees you within sight, Jeno heaves out a shudder of breath, he could tell his friend was trying his best to hold himself up in front of you, how quintessential of Jeno, never letting anyone into the depths of his mind.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Jeno,” Jaemin mutters as he checks for bruises under Jeno’s shirt, but Jeno brushes his hand away, rolling his sweater back down, even if you did bruise him, he deserved it for what he keeps putting you through, “Jeno, Eunbi wouldn’t have want to see you this way, she would’ve wanted to see you happy, not punishing yourself like this, she would’ve wanted you to move on, Jeno, you think she’d like seeing you wallowing in self loathing?” Jaemin says in a huff, he’s tried spelling this out in a kinder way to his best friend, but it doesn’t seem to get through that thick skull of his.
Jeno doesn’t answer, he just dodges his friend’s attempts of wanting to talk more, locking himself inside his room, wishing that the remorse, guilt, and heartbreak would just swallow him up. He hates himself for betraying Eunbi, even if it was just a mere kiss, contemplating on what Jaemin had said, could he really move on without feeling guilty as sin?
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The cold wind prickles Jeno’s skin, his worn out padding not doing much to block the harshest of the weather, cursing to himself as he climbs down the stairs, not a single person in sight at this period and this hour, and then he sees it, the familiar tombstone, he sighs in relief as he takes in the sight of Eunbi’s tiny photo on the slab.
Fishing out a small cloth from his jean pocket, he wipes the photo of Eunbi before he wipes away the dust atop the tombstone and the dust on the slab of stone where he sits whenever he visits.
“I’ve missed you,” Jeno says as he places down a bouquet of roses, Eunbi loves roses, he calls it cliche, she says it’s because she loves how roses are one of the flowers that attract butterflies the most.
“I used to think I would get the opportunity to grow old with you, a house, a car, and maybe two kids, the cliche, but,” Jeno stops himself, swallowing the lump down his throat before he continues, “I guess those weren't in the cards for us in this lifetime,” Jeno says before exhaling a long sigh, “but sometimes I do think, would we have really gone on our entire lives? Would we have broken up along the road? Those 2 years of loving you, and spending my whole childhood with you by my side were beautiful, and every single day without you by my side was a living hell, but when I thought nothing could really bring me back to life, I met someone, and I feel so fucking guilty towards you, and I don't know if I'm supposed to feel what I'm feeling for her, I love you, and I always will, but I can't deny what I'm feeling for her either, so now I'm here, Eunbi-ah, please tell me what should I do, if you told me to wait till my dying days to reunite with you, I will, please just give me a sign,” Jeno pleads hopelessly, a hand caressing the tiny photo of Eunbi.
Just then, a tiny flutter of wings catches his eye, and a butterfly lands on the bouquet of roses in front of him.
‘Is this the sign I’m asking for?’ Jeno asks himself, but when he tries to sit closer for a clearer look, the butterfly flies away with a quick flutter of its wings, the bright yellow contrasting the cloudy sky.
“Are you telling me to move on too, Eunbi-ah?” Jeno says with a long sigh, next life, maybe things would be different then.
After watching the sunset with Eunbi, Jeno drove home and immediately stormed into Jaemin's room, his friend was busy watching cat videos when he interrupted him, not a surprising thing for him to do honestly.
“What’s up?” Jaemin asks, swivelling his gaming chair to face his friend who had made himself comfortable on his bed.
“I need advice,” Jeno said, which earned him one of his friend’s classic menace smiles which makes him look like the Grinch.
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You have no plans today, you had just finished having pizza with Yeri, your roommate slash bestie announcing that you needed a self care day after the shit storm a certain someone put you through.
Suddenly, your doorbell rings, Yeri’s in the bathroom, so you get the door, assuming that she ordered dessert in advance without telling you, but to your shock, it was Jeno, and in his hands are supermarket flowers that he used to joke were overpriced for its minimal packaging.
“I’m sorry for everything, I was a coward and an emotionally constipated asshole, and I know I don’t deserve a second a chance, but if you’d give me the chance, I promise I’ll try my best not to fuck up, and if I do, I’ll promise I’ll make it up to you,” Jeno says, pleading his case with you, everyone often jokes about how Jeno looks like a samoyed, but right now, he looks like a puppy with the way his eyes are trained on you, analysing your every movement and flicker of expression, awaiting your verdict.
“You’re not an asshole for taking your time to mourn and move on from Eunbi, but Jeno, are you sure you’re ready to jump into a relationship? I know you still miss her dearly, and it was mean of me to ask so much from you, you don’t have to be with me if you’re doing this out of guilt, Jeno, I don’t want your pity,” you explain, you don’t want to see the sight of his guilty eyes whenever you’re with him, it would crush your soul to bits, to never have his heart entirely.
“No, I’m serious, I thought things through and realised that I can miss her and love the moments I had with her and still move on to the next chapter of my life, I used to think to love her means I shouldn’t allow anyone in my heart, but Jaemin’s right, she wouldn’t have wanted to see me like this, and I know you wouldn’t want to see me like this either, I want to give us a chance, I’m sorry I came to my senses so late, I hope it’s not too late,” Jeno says, his heart aches when he sees rivulets of tears stream down your face, he places the flowers on the bench next to him before he extends his arms to you, and he sighs in content when he feels your arms around him, your face buried in his chest, he reaches a hand up to pat your head, comforting you.
“Well, I just got a text from Joy that she wants to grab drinks, so I’m gonna head out, you two talk things out on your own, call me if you need anything,” Yeri says before she takes her leave, wanting to give the two of you privacy.
Jeno directs the two of you to the living room, plopping the two of your conjoined bodies onto the couch.
“Hey… don’t cry for me, I’m not worth it,” Jeno says, his hands wiping away your tears with the back of his hand. You choked up a laugh through your tears, swaying your head sideways.
“It’s not that, I’m just, I already accepted the idea of not having you, and now that you’re here… I’m just, surprised– but glad,” you confessed, god, you hate crying for a man, but at least the fool in this fable gets her happy ending after all.
“I’m glad too, sweetheart. I wouldn’t have been mad in the slightest if you said no, but thank you, thank you for giving me this chance,” Jeno says as he wraps you up in his arms, and he feels you sink into hold, and that’s how the two of you fall asleep on your bed that night.
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‘Come earlier, I have a surprise for you ;)’
You smile to yourself when you see the text from Jeno, wondering if he got you the new grapes that are in season or something. When you got there a few hours earlier, the house was relatively empty, partygoers aren't here yet and only a few freshmen were setting up the place for the frat party. You let yourself in Jeno’s room, surprised to see that it’s empty, but soon you hear light footsteps pad into the room before your eyes are being covered by a familiar pair of hands.
“What grand surprise do you have for me, Jeno?” you ask, turning around, his hands drop from your face, but you keep your eyes closed, not wanting to spoil the surprise on his behalf.
“Wait, one sec, okay, now you can open your eyes,” Jeno says excitedly.
You peered your eyes open and a gasp left your lips.
“Oh my god, it’s blue!” you say, not believing your eyes, your hands reach out to touch his hair, not fried from the bleach dye, thankfully.
“Wanted to have something fresh to mark the start of our relationship, and seeing my hair on those filters you put on me gave me the idea of dyeing my hair,” Jeno explains, “do you like it?” he tapers off, a bit insecure because you look like you love it, but you haven’t said anything to confirm it yet.
“I love it,” you say as you turn his head from side to side to get a better look at the entire haircut with a giant smile on your face.
“Let me take a quick shower and get dressed then we can head down,” Jeno says with a quick peck before he retrieves his things and leave for the bathroom, leaving you to your devices, or moreso Jeno’s devices, you love watching concert videos on his screen, that expensive hunk of equipment is clearer than your vision.
However, halfway through watching old concert videos, you took notice of his drawer not being closed all the way, out of curiosity, you open it to see what it stores, and to your shock, a jewellery box is the first thing you see, the box design tells you that it isn’t anywhere near brand new.
Maybe you shouldn’t be snooping around, but you couldn’t help yourself, Jeno never gets mad at you, he even tells you his phone password, he has nothing to hide, and so you pry the box open with gentle hands.
The glint of the perfectly preserved crystals caught your eye, then you recognise the shape of the pendant, butterfly, Jeno used to wear this ever since Eunbi passed, why isn’t he wearing it anymore? Did he think you’d mind that he did? That wasn’t the impression you wanted to give off, there’s no point being jealous of someone who’s no longer here, that’s just absurd.
“Oh, you found her old necklace,” Jeno notes with no malice in his voice despite the fact that you feel yourself jumping slightly at the sound of his voice.
“I, I saw your drawer wasn’t closed all the way and just wanted to check it out, sorry,” you apologised, but Jeno quickly brushes off your apology with a reassuring smile, “why aren’t you wearing it anymore? It’s not like I’d get jealous,” you say, scared that the reason he felt like he was obliged to stop wearing it was because of your relationship.
“I know you won’t get jealous, and I didn’t take it off like right after you said yes, I just thought it was time a few days ago, to put some things to rest, I’ll look back on these things from time to time, but I think it’s time to put some distance for me to move forward,” Jeno explains as his hands are laid on your shoulders, the weight and the brush of his thumbs comforting you.
“I’m just worried you’re rushing things for me,” you reason.
“I’m not, so don’t worry,” Jeno assures once again, “how about we go down now?” Jeno suggests after hearing the music starting from below, you agree instantly, maybe you’re just too stressed about everything, a drink sounds amazing now.
“Look who just made their long awaited debut,” Jaemin said at the sight of the two of you making way to the usual spot your friend group usually sits at.
Jeno tenses up when Renjun meets his eyes, his best friend had given him a long talk when he had heard from you that Jeno finally came around, needless to say, Jeno would never want to get on his best friend’s bad side, he’s sure he would manage to beat him up despite being much shorter than him.
Distantly, Jeno could hear you tell Jaemin to shut up before there’s too much attention placed on you and Jeno, your skin is thick, but you know Jeno doesn’t like too much attention on him, hence with a little more teasing, your friends switch topics, and just like that things are back to normal, a bit too normal for your liking, because soon, a girl makes her way to Jeno to ask for a dance, but your boyfriend quickly declines and explains that he won’t be casually hooking up with anyone anymore.
Even though you were silent the entire interaction, Jeno could see the jealousy in your eyes and the way you immediately downed a shot of soju.
“Someone’s jealous?” Jeno asks, clearly amused by the sight in front of him, pulling you closer into his embrace, he doesn't want anyone eavesdropping on a conversation where you could possibly feel vulnerable.
“Nope, not at all,” you say briskly, clearly overcompensating, dodging his kiss, Jeno laughing at your antics.
“Okay, whatever you say,” Jeno says, letting you be.
Although unfortunately for Jeno, things get a twist of events when he sees Yang Yang waving to you from afar with a smile too friendly for his liking when the two of you were swaying to the beat on the dance floor, and you quickly see your samoyed of a boyfriend turn into a doberman right in front of your eyes, gone was the puppy eyes that are quickly replaced by the obvious glare in his eyes.
“Looks like someone's jealous,” you tease, playing with the freshly cut ends of his hair at his nape.
“Let's head up, party sucks today,” Jeno says, pulling you by your hand, leading you upstairs to his room, quick on his feet but not fast to the point where you can’t keep up in your heels.
When the door shuts behind you, Jeno quickly kicks off his own shoes before he squsts down to slip off your heels for you, then immediately he tosses you over his shoulder as if you weigh as much as a feather, tossing you on his bed with a bounce before he climbs on the bed himself, his moves slow and calculative as if he was predator stalking its prey, behind his eyes, you can see the gears behind moving as he thinks of what to do with you, but when you reach up to touch his cheek, you see his eyes softening around the edges, the control you have over him sends a shudder down your spine, Jeno smiles at that realisation when he comes to the conclusion that if you asked, he’d relinquish all control over his life to you if you asked, he’s willing to give you all of him at your request, now that he knows life is fragile not to love wholeheartedly, but he knows what you want, and for now, at this moment, you want Jeno to guide you, but what he asks you catches you off guard.
“What’s your average kill in a match on codm?” he asks as he hovers over you, arms caging your body.
“What? I don’t know, like 15 if you’re asking about multiplayer,” you answer in a tone of disbelief.
Jeno has that familiar cunning mirth on his face when he reaches for your phone that you had previously placed on his nightstand so as to not get in the way when things get heated.
“You think you can reach your average while I eat you out?” Jeno asks as he passes you your phone.
You feel heat crawl up your face when you register his words, can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous he sounds, but you’ll indulge him.
“I’ll try my best, just for you,” you agree, but you know there’s more to his proposition.
“Before you say yes, there’s a catch, if you don’t get 15 kills, for every kill you lack is one spank,” Jeno says with a quirked brow, his eyes challenging you.
You don’t consider yourself competitive, but when it comes to a game you know you’re good at, it ignites the dormant competitiveness in you that you swear you outgrew as a teenager.
“Deal,” you agree, you’re gonna win either way, if you fail awfully at the game, you still get to get your back blown out regardless, and in Jeno’s words, you've always been a masochist, maybe just a little bit. There must be some truth to it since you were sleeping with Yuta of all people.
“Let me know when you start,” Jeno says as you open the app, telling him when the countdown begins, and quickly he takes off your skirt and panties to toss it to the side of his bed.
Jeno starts off slow, his index finger tracing your slit, starting from the bottom, it piques your interest, but it doesn’t take away your focus entirely, until his fingertip hits the bundle of your nerves, your breath hitches, but you still manage to get your third kill of the game.
You look so hot like this, all concentrated on your phone screen, not so different from how you usually game, other than the fact that you now have your bottom lip between your teeth to ground yourself, Jeno hears another three more kills when he decides to go in for the actual kill, leaning down to capture your clit between his lips, hollowing his lips as his fingers enters you, so fucking wet, god, Jeno, groans to himself, he can’t wait to be inside you, your cursing distracts Jeno from his train of filthy thoughts.
“Died?” Jeno asks before he dives back to his feast between your legs, he distantly hears you cursing at a sniper before he feels your legs twitching when he finally finds your sensitive spot, fingers curling upward, knowing that you usually cave in and ask him to fuck you at this point when you’re having regular foreplay.
You curse silently when you realise you lost count of how many kills you managed to secure, you haven’t gotten a single headshot in this match, and when the score limit reaches its end, you can feel the knot in your abdomen threatening to snap, and so you quickly toss your phone aside to grind back on Jeno’s face, his nose has always been such a good placeholder for your clit to hump on, and Jeno loves it, loves how debauched you are, he could just watch you use him to chase your orgasm all night if he wanted to, and when you finally reach your high, a whine of Jeno’s name reaches his ears as he feels your sexy legs wrap around his head and your juices burst in his mouth and the excess dripping down his forearm.
When you finally come back to your senses after ascending to heaven, you check your score on your screen, you breathe a sigh of relief, 11 kills, you proudly show Jeno your score.
“So four spanks, you want to sit through your punishment or would you prefer if I do it in between rearranging your guts?” Jeno offers, since you did so well for him.
You ponder over the suggestion, but the thought of needing to wait longer to get filled has you choosing the latter.
“I think I’d like to be surprised today,” you say before you strip off the rest of your clothing, Jeno’s eyes following every movement you make, licking his lips when he sees the slight jiggle of your tits as you move about, that is until you settle on all four, presenting yourself to him, and a beast claws at Jeno’s belly for a need to just take you.
It’s like you read his mind, because you tell him to just put it in, that you’re loose enough from the foreplay, you say as you spread your cheeks for him, the sight of your wet pussy has him losing all control, who is he to deny you when you’re presented so prettily for him like this? He’s no god, any man would crack under your ministrations.
So he doesn’t hold back, grasping his cock in one hand while he parts your folds with the other, cursing when he finally slips in your warm and wet hole, slowly sliding in till the hilt, he loves this process, loves the way you shudder when you feel him intrude your walls inch by inch, your lips parted as your head rests on his pillow.
When you’ve adjusted to his size, you whimper out a singular word, move, before you feel your whole world fizzle away as pleasure clouds your head at the first thrust, always rough when you need him to be, rough and fast, that’s Jeno’s preferred pace, quickly locating your sensitive spot with the thick tip of his cock that has you screaming into his pillow, but no matter how hard you try to muffle your voice, the headboard banging against the walls is dead giveaway of how you’re having your back broken by Jeno, but you throw all caution to the wind if it means you get feel the feeling of such ecstasy flowing through your whole body, you swear every time he drills his cock inside you, the more pleasure you feel, and the dumber you get, when all thoughts of sanity get replaced by the primal need to chase your high, your train of thoughts, or lack thereof since all you were thinking were the word ‘cock’ on repeat, gets broken by a harsh smack on your butt, it came out of nowhere, catching you off guard, and it shows by how your walls clench tightly on Jeno’s dick, your release coating his length.
“Fuck, you’re such a fucking pain slut, aren’t you? One smack has you cumming on my dick like some virgin,” Jeno spats out as he keeps fucking you, knowing that you’re extra sensitive after two orgasms upping his motivation to drive you absolutely mad.
Jeno quickly finds your clit, the poor thing swollen with the treatment Jeno previously put it through, rubbing circles on your bundle of nerves roughly, which has you bucking before he sends two smacks its way.
“Fuck,” you curse to yourself as you feel tears prickling the corner of your eyes, trying so hard not to cum from the pain, and in doing so, you clench around Jeno so hard that has him stop mid thrust to anchor himself, he still wants to get at least one more out of you before he cums.
He resumes after having a bit fun with fondling your tits, thanking gravity with the way he could feel the weight of them in his palm, he’s gonna have to suck on them after he’s done with this, he thinks to himself before he goes back to chasing his high, planting one of his feet on the ground to fuck you faster, and soon you could feel yourself cumming at any second, whispering how you’re close to Jeno, before you feel another spank being sent to your clit, the pain and the oversensitivity pushing you over the edge with a scream of Jeno’s name and a fist forming with the sheets on his bed.
“Fuck, love it when you squirt for me,” you hear Jeno distantly, not really registering his words until you feel your thighs being slicked with your release, which Jeno promptly cleans up with his pack of wet tissue he’s kept in his room by the dozen ever since he found out you’re squirter.
When the three towels are stripped from under you and into the hamper, Jeno finally joins you under his fluffy blanket, holding you close.
“I didn’t go too far right?” Jeno asks, he trusts that you will use your safeword if he ever goes over the limit, but he always does a final check in after you settle, just in case you drop into a vulnerable state where you need extra care and attention.
“No, of course not, I feel more than fine, but thank you for asking,” you say before pecking his lips sweetly.
“You hungry? Craving anything? I could check if the guys are getting delivery, see if you want anything,” Jeno offers, but you shake your head.
“Just want some cuddles and sleep, I’ll let you know what I’m craving for brunch tomorrow, but now, I need to recharge,” you say as you snuggle closer to Jeno, practically attached at the hip, but Jeno lets you, combing through your hair for you as you drift off to sleep.
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Jeno was first to wake, quickly climbing out of bed to shut his blinds, knowing that you absolutely despise being blinded by the sun rays first thing in the morning, you’ve always been a night owl after all.
After washing up in the bathroom, he makes his way back to you, still sleeping, cuddled under his blankets, just like how he’s tucked you in before he left his room, you don’t move much in your sleep, Jeno notices as he climbs back in bed, it’s no wonder why you always remain in his arms the whole night.
Jeno looked over to his alarm clock to see that it’s almost 10am, he knows this is the time you prefer waking up, and when Jeno sees his blanket slipping off your shoulder to reveal your smooth skin, Jeno has the best idea on how to wake you up, and maybe, even the whole house if he does well enough, and well, unfortunately for the other people sleeping right now, Jeno’s always been a top scorer for anything he puts his mind to, Jeno chuckles to himself at the thought of being a menace as he makes his way under the blankets.
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You’ve never had everyone giving you the stink eye before, well, at least not in this frat house, and the one who looks most annoyed is none other than Haechan, whose room is next door to Jeno’s.
“I swear to god, hearing them made my hangover even worse,” Haechan mutters, but loud enough for everyone at the breakfast table to hear, Johnny was the first one to laugh, Johnny had left the party early for a hookup hence the lack of a hangover, he had just got back in time for this comedy show.
“You’re laughing?! My head is still pounding from last night’s drinking and worsened by their shenanigans and you’re laughing?! God, why did Renjun have to get lucky last night, they always pull shit like this when he’s gone,” Haechan complains, or moreso whining, if you asked Jeno.
“Come on, Haechan-ah, it couldn’t have been that bad, I didn’t even hear a thing,” Sungchan says, coming to Jeno’s defence quickly, they’re coursemates after all, and Jeno is always a big help to him, he loves Haechan, but he’s doing this for his own good.
“Your room is on the other side of the house, of course you barely heard anything, she literally sounded like she was getting mauled by a wild animal, listen, let me try and recreate-
Two taps on Jeno’s lap has your boyfriend springing up from his seat with a deadly gaze and Haechan goes silent before he screams bloody murder, running for Jaemin or Mark, whoever he finds first, Sungchan sighs to himself while Johnny and Jungwoo laugh at the comedic scene in front of them, and you can’t help but laugh along with them too, Haechan might have tried making fun of you, but you know Jeno would always be there to silence him for you, and honestly, you could get used to this life you share with Jeno.
The end.
143 notes · View notes
velvet-paradox · 3 days
Text
Dream
Fandom: Call of Duty Pairing: König x Female reader/Velveteen Summary: 70's porn star! AU <-- that's it… that's the whole thing Length: LONG ( I got carried away & I am NOT sorry) Warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY, strong language, explicit content, sex work, a little misogyny, tobacco mentions, alcohol consumption, vaginal fingering, blow job mentions, unprotected p in v, creampies, coworkers to lovers, a little somnophilia, heavily detailed smut. ENJOY!!!
You thought it was a dream, surely it was some made up mirage. There was no one and no way someone was calling you this late into the night. But alas, you blinked your blurry eyes open, one at a time, just to be sure your mind wasn't playing a terrible trick on you.
But it was terribly true.
You fumbled your hand around for the receiver, gripping it as if you were about to bash whoever was on the opposite end right in the nose.
"Hullo?" Your tired voice asked, flinging your other hand over your eyes. There was some shuffling and ruffling sounds, someone was shouting in the background and Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac could be faintly heard through the chaos.
"This better be fucking important."
"Y/N! Oh thank fuck, I need a favor." It was Tammy, your agent sounding frantic as she cursed at someone nearby.
"Now?"
"Yes now! The new girl must've been nervous as shit to film because she showed up fucking trashed, we can't use her." Tammy huffed into the phone. "We're losing time and money!"
"What's that got to do with me, Tam?"
"An I.O.U. I swear I'll make it up to you if you can get your ass up and ready to film. I can get you a car in ten minutes." Tammy was good people, always put you first even if her brash tone and stony glare had others hightailing it out of her office. Sometimes they were crying; men and women.
"Who's shoot is it?" You asked with a huff as you sadly came to the conclusion that you were not going back to bed at 2:45AM. It was a Wednesday night for fucks sake!
"The Colonel." Tammy's voice flinched.
"Seriously?"
"Come on please Y/N, be sweet for me ok? I'll do your laundry for a week… no a month! Dry cleaning too, you name it you got it. Plus," you could hear the click of a lighter followed by a deep inhale, no doubt another cigarette burning between her chapped but painted lips. "I'll even give you a "$300 advance."
"You do know we're not on speaking terms, right?"
Tammy snorted. "What? Since when?"
"Since Going Down in the Valley! He really gave me an earful on how I should've done better and stretched my jaw before coming to set. So I told him in not so many words that I'm not one of his little soldiers that he can boss around. He didn't like that too much."
You said with a sigh, remembering the stern look he gave down his nose, over his entire head covering. His crossed over massive arms and tilted his head with a click of his teeth. He really didn't like it when you mirrored his posture.
"We'll figure it out when you get here, yeah? For me please, Y/N? You know your my best girl and honestly you're really the only one who can thoroughly handle him." Tammy swindled her way into your veins and answer.
It was tempting. A little too tempting as you weighed your options. Rent was due, the fridge was a little lacking, you needed gas…
She practically squealed with delight as you agreed to the offer, hanging up the phone to take a quick shower and grab your to-go bag before the car arrived.
….
Once on the set, or what was today's mansion and master bedroom of choice, Tammy had rushed up to you with a make-up bag and a flash-in-the-pan hug. She thrusted the two page script to your chest. After curling your lashes and sweeping on some gloss, you slipped into the slinky dress as you went over the obscure dialogue. It was something different. Something soft and sweet.
A couples anniversary, some heavy petting on the ride home, taunts of playfulness. Intrigue. Lust.
Not the rough stuff you were used to when it came to shooting with The Colonel.
Your strappy heels clicked along the freshly polished floors, boom mics and camera men moved around you like puffs of smoke, Tammy who was indeed smoking was frustrated with the lighting.
You paused when you saw him.
König was dressed in a nice and well tailored suit, the jacket held his bulky arms tightly, the button down was checkered and stretched to the very last thread. He looked good. Even though you were giving him the silent treatment as of late, you could appreciate fine art when you saw it.
Your body thrummed when König adjusted his signature face covering hood, messing with the hem before he turned around and saw you for the first time.
You opened your mouth to say something when the bigger, much bigger man spoke.
"Oh no. No no. Nein nein nein!" The Colonel threw up his hands and headed for the master bedroom door.
"Colonel, wait." Tammy shouted, tossing her cigarette into the sink with sizzle, chasing after him and touching his forearm.
"I am not doing a scene with her again." He stated and pointed down at the feather haired agent, he did give you another look though before tearing his arm out of her grip. "Not until she apologizes."
"Well nice to see you too, sir." You snorted and leaned against the built in vanity, fluffing your hair a bit more, fixing your necklace.
"Watch it!"
Tammy put her hands up between the pair of you, the frames of her glasses slipping down the slope of her button nose. You looked up at your co-star, with a head tilt of your own.
"Come on you two, what happened to your chemistry? You guys made us all fucking rich when we shot Tits For That! Can't you put whatever the hell you've got goin' on on the back burner to make some dough?" Tammy made the money gesture with her two fingers in your face. "Who doesn't like money? Think of how much fun we had shooting Bunker Bunny 7!"
"I refuse to work with such a petulant little brat like Velveteen." He huffed, the mask billowing slightly. "You're mature enough to get railed on film but not apologize? Make sense, bitte!"
"Oh, here we go." You sighed and rolled your eyes, truly one of the only things König couldn't stomach unless he was fucking the brat or sass out of someone.
"Can't you two please be adults?"
"So I gagged a little too hard, big deal?! You have women choking on that thing twice a week but oh no, I do it once and make it sloppy and suddenly I'm the only one being scolded." You snarked, a few of the crew members made a noise and moved out of view. König scoffed and Tammy put her head in her hands, thumbs going to ease the headache you two were throwing at her.
"I did not scold you. I tried to help you and you then spat on my boots remember? Real mature."
"Too bad."
"Children! Please, we're not getting any younger and we're losing time here. Can you both please just try and get along so we can get this done and go home."
"I was at home." You made a face and then apologized to Tam, it wasn't her fault.
….
Elise, Tammy's older sister with the fresh haircut and extra long shiny nails, who had started her career on the same side as you only a few short years ago, was now the director. You could hear her calling out positions, where was her coffee? And where on Earth did that cat come from?!
You stood on the landing with König , waiting for your turn to enter the scene and get it over with when you felt his hand on your shoulder.
"Yes?"
"You truly are stubborn you know that, ja?"
"Seriously?" You ground your teeth and seethed behind them, even more so when he gave your arm a squeeze and a little drag closer to him.
"Why are you so upset with me when you're the one who put us in this mess in the first place! All I did was mention something to you."
You scoffed and looked up at in his suit, now with the jacket on.
"Seriously? You pretty much told me I don't know what I'm doing and then proceeded to give me a play-by-play of how to suck dick. I know what I'm doing and I've had no complaints. You've seen my work and we've been co-stars more than a few times by now. Plus, you're the one who made the scene out there just now, not me!" You snapped and fixed the strap of your dress in annoyance.
"I was not telling you what to do, my dear. I only gave you but a few pointers."
"Pointers? I think I'm good thanks."
"I know you know what you're doing but--"
"But what, big guy?"
"I was not instructing you on how to suck cock," König shifted and took his hand away, instead he put in his front slack pocket like the other. "You are perfectly capable and quite good at it. I was instructing into you how I'd like you to perform on me. Specifically."
"What?"
"I don't care how those other women suck me off. I don't care for them. I do however care about you and if were not so stubborn you might have noticed that by now, hmm."
Well that was certainly news to you.
"If you weren't scolding me-- wait." Bells and whistles were soon going off in your head, ringing in your ears that he had some sort of affection, attachment to you. Yes you had chemistry, yes you two got along, yes you two… then it it hit like a car crash dummy. "Oh… oh no."
"Oh ja. That's what I've been trying to explain to you, my dear but you are so incredibly particular, you just wanted to be sassy about it. So I let you. Actions have consequences you know?" König's voice held a lilt to it, as if he had the audacity to be smiling under that hood.
"Oh this is embarrassing."
"Not as embarrassing as you still not apologizing."
You shrugged your shoulders, turned and took his hands in yours. "I'm sorry Colonel. I thought you were giving me shit and telling me I couldn't do my job."
You thought back to that mid-afternoon shoot. On your knees, mouthful and panties wet. König had been moving your head around while he fucked your throat, telling you this and that, how to make him feel good. He wanted you to make him feel good.
You felt guilty now. For two weeks of feeling like shit and taking on roles so you wouldn't have to think about fighting with The Colonel and here it was all a misunderstanding. Your fault.
"You are forgiven, my dear." König said with a smile in his voice, squeezing your hands as you could hear Elise call out that they were ready for you.
"Well if that's the case," you squeeze his hand through his pocket. "I better make this worth it."
"You always do." König chuckled.
….
He destroyed you.
It was strange at first, this soft version of König - you didn't know he had it in him.
With his ex-military background (and Lord knows what he's done or seen!) he was a stickler for routine - order. It made things simple. A blowjob or a sloppy handy, sometimes both because The Colonel literally packs a punch. Girth alone made you feel stuffed. It wasn't until he got the pace down, touched the inside of your knee, moved the silk hem of your dress and thrusted into you. All in one go. His thick fingers had prepped you quite nicely, just like usual.
You got a thumbs up from Elise to get louder, greedier - hungrier for the Austrian inside you, which wasn't hard at all if you were being honest and you had promised to make up your communication error worth it.
A shout of his name, scratching your nails down his thick back had him grunting and fucking down into you harder and faster. Little tears and black dots tickled the corners of your eyes.
"You're so fucking deep!" You sobbed into his bicep, taking a chunk of his soft and conditioned muscle into your mouth.
"You like it that way, no? I can always go deeper, my dear. How would you like that, then?"
"Deeper?" You played your roles well, creasing your brow, biting your lip as if you were truly his innocent wife.
Through the hood you could see how blue eyes darken, a smile in his tone. "Deeper."
He pulled himself out of your sex, thick cock coated in your arousal. Just the sight of him, sparse and glistening pubic hair with you, made you bite your lip. He flipped you over, knew the right angle for the camera and gave your ass a hard spank. It echoed through the bedroom. The noise you made sounded painful but in reality, to be under König's hand, his touch, his body, his musk made it feel like a kiss.
"Say you're ready for me, princess. Say your ready for your Colonel to fuck you nice and deep." He cooed and taunted from behind you, hoisting up your lower half, massaging your cheeks, slapping his length against your pussy.
You looked at him over your shoulder, all blissed out eyes and spit slicked lips. "I'm ready for you Colonel."
Good thing he pushed your head down into the fluffy pillows to muffle your shouts of pleasure because in between the cries for him fucking you, the angle of your hips, how deep he was hitting that spot only König could seem to reach… you whined his name.
His real name. ….
It wasn't the first time you'd let König slip from your lips; only difference was you were always alone when you said it. Not in a room full of boom mics and camera men.
After you finished the shoot and pulled on warm terry cloth robe, thanks to Tammy, you made your way into the master bath to clean up. As you lifted your leg and planted your foot on a very ornate and well cared for clawfoot tub, what remained of König's spend dripping out and down your thigh, the door suddenly opened.
"Just a minute God dammit!"
" 's just me," König announced, slipping into the spacious room. Without a care in the world he sauntered past you to take a piss.
"Really?" You guffawed and turned away, grabbing a fresh washcloth from the ring rack, wetting it.
He snorted. "I quite literally just came inside of you, my dear. This is nothing." He finished, flushed and sat down on the toilet, a robe of his own draped over his shoulders.
"Are you planning on watching me clean you out, or what?"
"I thought you were apologizing, princess. Taking up an attitude like this won't do."
You sighed and tossed the cum rag into the hamper. He'd crossed his arms over his chest and for a split second he looked tiny, cute. "How can I make it better?"
"Take me out to dinner."
"What?"
"We both need to eat. Especially after all that."
"König it's like 4 in the morning."
"So what? Take me to breakfast then."
You scoffed but the look in his eyes and body language, the tilt of his head and little tap taps of his feet on the linoleum floor, meant he was quite serious.
As serious as he was about French toast and runny eggs it seemed as well. You'd done a lot of things with the giant sitting across from you at some hole in the wall diner but eating together was not one of them.
….
Roller Sluts 5.
The cover screams, begs, cries for your attention. Not because it's naughty or too risqué to be in the back of a video store in the ADULTS ONLY XXX section and certainly not because it's number five in a roller rink sex fest. Oh no. It's because it's you on the cover.
Tam had set up the photoshoot months ago, helping her go over the negatives in her luxury home in the sprawling green hills. Laying on your stomach, bare feet and legs kicking as you got your pick for your first solo cover. Usually there were other girls with you, a compilation of arms and legs, flirty glances to the camera or to each other.
You smiled as you mentally gave yourself a little gold star for picking the right image of Velveteen.
A deep navy backless halter top, white trimmed short shorts, knee high ribbed socks and glittering roller skates. You looked almost innocent on the cover, looking over your shoulder as you bent over just enough to show a little cheek, a wink on your face and coy smile.
You were the main attraction of the nudie film, saved the best for last to get railed in. A burly and handsome, devil may care Scotsman by the simple name of Soap (you knew him quite well to call him by his birth name) had cored you out in the Arcade area. You were meant to play Space Invaders when Johnny makes his debut, eating you out from behind, fingering your ass a little before destroying you and your score.
Someone clears their throat, bringing back to the store, out of the fun spring shoot.
A young man, no more than 23 with a soul patch came around the corner, nodding towards the VHS in your palm.
"Are you Velveteen? Like the Velveteen?" The kid stuttered, coming closer and cautiously.
"In the flesh." You smirked and put back the tape.
"Holy balls!" He exclaimed and rushed to shake your hand, his bright eyes never leaving your face. "My friends' are never gonna' believe this. I'm a big fan, I've like, like I've seen everything you've done."
Patchy over here damn near shook your hand clean off before wiping his brow and palms on his jeans. "My pop is gonna' be so pissed he didn't wanna' drive me today!"
"Another big fan I take it?"
"He's the one who showed me Carnal Car Trouble!"
Your third film; your first shoot with König.
Fuck you were so nervous. Intimidated wasn't even close, especially when you met him in person after watching and studying his legit, dirty work for a week. He was big all over. His thighs were the size of a solid tree trunk, waist trim with a deep Adonis cut. His hands, in those tactical gloves, fixing your car under the hood before you were to repay him with what you had that wasn't in your wallet.
That first stretch of his cock was immense, even if it was already slick and covered in your spit. You still felt König 36 hours after that, your scalp was on fire and your make-up was completely ruined by the end of the night.
You autographed a copy of Carnal Car Trouble, made out to the kids' father before leaving the backrooms empty handed. Though you did stop at the door, recognizing König, Soap and another beefcake porn star named Ghost on the cover of a magazine. You hadn't worked with him yet but the way Johnny gushed over the guy, you felt like you knew him well.
….
Tammy called a few days later, another shoot, another idea. She even mentioned that Elise wants to do an actual photospread for Playboy! Not the centerfold the girls you worked with and lived with strived for, no, but a shoot for the team would be bring big bucks and more eyes on Velveteen.
With your head in the clouds, excited and nervous to be in an actual magazine a car honked and stopped you from roller skating down the sidewalk. You turned to see a familiar green Jeep.
With a smile and push off from the curb you rolled your way over to the passenger door, watching the glass disappear as König rolled the window down.
You rested your arms on the frame, ducking your head inside just a bit. "Sorry; you can't afford me, old man."
"Ha ha," König rolled his eyes and that's when you noticed his attire. He wore a nice all black suit and jacket, a forest green silk tie somehow fit around his neck. He looked good. He smelled good, too.
"Got a hot date or what?" The fact that he might be made a stone form in your gut.
"Actually I was looking for you." He admitted as your eyebrows rose.
"For moi?"
"Für dich. Tammy wants to see you. ASAP."
"I just talked to her a few days ago."
"Something important came up I guess. Hop in, cutie."
You snorted at his little pet names, used to them and quietly seeking them out, geeking over how they made you feel and climbed in, taking his hand so you wouldn't slip on your skates. He let you mess around with the radio while he drove, a couple of times you'd catch him tapping his fingers against the wheel.
König really big Bowie was a pleasant surprise.
"You did it!" Tam practically screamed, running around her living room, smoke following her as she circled her desk for the third time as you and The Colonel looked at like a chicken with its' head cut off, which is exactly what she looked like.
"We're gonna' be stinkin' rich!" Tam laughed maniacally while you The Colonel exchanged bamboozled looks.
"What's going on?"
"What's going on, she asks! Oh honey bee I got off the phone with the boss, the head honcho downtown and your films are flying off the shelves! Did you really sign a copy for some punk?"
"Oh. Yeah that was weeks ago."
"Which one?" König asked, curiously crossing his arms behind himself. At ease.
"Carnal Car Trouble."
You didn't miss the way his body jerked when you answered.
"Well thank fuck for that because you're all anyone is talking about and the big boss is giving you your first starring role," Tammy held the cigarette between her teeth and snatched a scribbled down note on the back of coffee ring stained napkin.
Velveteen Dream.
"None of that straight to video shit for you hon," Tam proudly looked at you, proud of her number one fuck doll. "You're name will be front and center on the marquee. You're going to be in theaters baby!"
Your name in lights.
"You did it kid," König gave you a side hug, affection outside of work felt strange but good. He was proud of you too.
"Do it with me."
"What?"
"Be my on screen." You looked up at him, hopeful - begging. You trusted him the most, with or without clothes. He looked between Tam, who gave him shrug, without so many words saying he could if he wanted to and then back to you.
"If you say so."
….
The theatre was packed, not an empty seat in the whole place! Chatter and laughter bounced off the emerald embossed walls, some people (other than you, The Colonel, Tam and Elise of course) had dressed up. Some fans had spotted you and König right away, he's hard to miss when he can see over everyone like some sort of surveillance up there.
The shower scene left some of the audience breathless. You could hear it in the room. König gave your knee a squeeze, before he moved it back to his own you stopped him and kept it there. You needed extra grounding, watching yourself for the first time on the big screen.
Everyone can see your pleading face, your desperately wiggling in The Colonel's big strong hands, your fingers flex in his grip. He holds them above your head with one hand, covered in soapy suds and running water while the other is finding that perfect, spongy patch inside your gummy pussy.
"Oh fuck yeah!" Your voice echoes, making you clench around nothing as you remember the exact feeling. "Keep fucking me with your fingers, big guy. I want you to make me cum."
You look a fucking mess as you blush, watching yourself crumble as König turned a bit to show off how hard he was, the curve of his naked ass got a few women to holler at the screen. Everyone laughed. He had lifted your leg then, over his thick forearm to change the angle. The camera getting a full look at your trimmed bush, how fast and how deep The Colonel was finger fucking you to a sobbing climax.
The kitchen scene was loved by all. You didn't think you would get aroused from watching yourself and König, it was a job but… something about seeing it from an outsiders view made it seem more real. You could see how he looked at you, how thoughtful he was in gathering up your hair as you swallowed him down your throat there at the kitchen table. You had remembered to stretch your jaw this time. Spit was everywhere, your eyes looked so pretty all mascara streaked. You dug your nails into his naked thighs, dragging them towards his knees as you took his cock a little further.
"Look at you, my dear, so greedy for cock, ja? You'll take it wherever you can get it, hmmm? I like you like this, pliant and useful just like that body of yours. I am going to ruin you."
And he did.
That kitchen table didn't stand a chance, it shook and creaked, and begged for as much mercy as you did getting fucked on top of it. He's propped your leg up in an L shape on the wood, holding on your hip as he pounded you out. That grip he held on the back of your neck, facing the camera as you whined and grabbed at the tablecloth. He hadn't seen it then in the moment but as you looked at the screen, staring at yourself you licked your lips and smiled at the camera.
König squeezed your leg again when he saw it.
The main event was coming and the tension and squirming in the auditorium was intense, the room was hot and you were fairly certain the couple behind you was doing more than just watching the screen.
The bedroom is dark, just a table lamp is on casting shadows all over the screen and all the viewer can see is König's big, muscular back, a white sheet covering his lower half and his hand is moving back and forth. One might think he was just on display jerking off but it's not until the camera moved to show you there, on your side asleep as he groped over your tits, squeezing them, playing and tugging at your nipples as you slept. The crowd made an audible gasp.
"Just so pretty when you sleep," The Colonel announces, breathless as he moved his hand down your body, taking his time in spreading your legs, showing God and everyone your cunt. "So soft and loose, fuck you're wet even in your sleep, just gonna'--" The noise he made when he easily slid his middle finger inside you. You licked your lips as you watched him finger you, his ring finger joined the party and the thick pad of his thumb pressed down on your clit. You jumped in your "sleep", a few women behind in front of you gasped and turned around to look at you with cheesy grins.
"Takes my fingers so well, gotta' prep this cute little hole for my fat cock, right? Can't core you out without doing some work first." König groaned when he pulled his fingers out, wet and glossy with your juices. You moaned quietly and moved your legs further apart as he started to lift your leg, stopping for a moment as he waited for you to settle back into "sleep".
He kept your leg up, holding it softly, gently rubbing his mask to the back of your head before rocking his leaking cock between your folds, gathering up more and more of your arousal as lube.
"Good girl, stay sleeping… I'm just gonna' ease right into this pussy. My favorite pussy, ja. Nothing like it, fuck." The Colonel admitted on screen as he pushed himself into you.
König fucked you slow and steady, the drag of his cock inside you was full and at times overwhelming but he know how to treat you and your body, you had never gotten off as thoroughly with another co-star or partner than with the big ex-KorTac operator next to you.
He had moved your leg a little higher then, showing the camera how good you could take his size. Watching it disappear inside you, rocking back and forth as his large hand separates your labia, touching what's left of his shaft as he groans in your ear.
Suddenly your eyes blink open and you gasp, looking back at him.
"What… What are you doing?"
"Shhh baby it's okay, go back to sleep okay?" The Colonel grunts and attempted to close your eyes but you're "waking up" now and getting fidgety.
"Do you do this a lot? Do you fuck me in my sleep?"
König paused to look down at you. "Nein. This isn't the first time."
"That's so… that is so fucking hot." You moan and loop your arm around his neck, looking at him drowsily and kissing his mask. "You fucking me while I'm unconscious, using my body. Do I cum?"
The Colonel grabbed you tight, rolling you onto your back, hovering over your naked body. This looks like watching a couple on film versus just two actors but you must be doing something right.
"Oh baby you cum so hard and it feels so good, like your body just knows what to do, milks my cocks dry."
"You cum inside me too?"
"Every time."
"No wonder I'm sticky when I wake up sometimes."
"Can't help it, this pussy was made for me."
It sounded like an admission, like König meant it. It made you feel hot as you continued watching yourself fuck on the screen. It's not until he leans over in his seat do you realize you're holding your breath.
"I didn't lie about that part."
Startled, as if he read your mind you look over at him and when the shot changes to show you now in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist, his thick hands under your ass lifting you up and down his cock, moaning loudly and holding his masked face to your chest do you look down and see the bulge in his slacks.
His eyes are locked on yours, your bodies moving on the screen are the last thing you're worried about at the moment. Because you're thinking the exact same thing.
….
"Fuck me you feel so fucking good. How do you feel this good all the time? Fuckin' magical pussy I swear!" König admitted once he was balls deep, taking your hand as you snuck out of the theater and into one of the private bathrooms. You couldn't get your dress hiked up fast enough, your panties to the side, bent over the sink. Getting railed for the first time without a camera present had you both feral.
You barely got to taste his pre-cum before he had lifted his hood for the first time, ever, and kissed you hard and fast on the mouth. You whined and held onto his heavy arms, pulling your body into his. Your breasts pilled out over the silk slip you wore for the evening, looking frantic into the mirror in front of you both.
"You're so fucking thick baby, you fill me up so good."
"Oh ja? You like being a greedy little toy for me don't you? You are so fucking juicy."
You hung your head then, moaning his name and getting dragged back and forth on his cock. This was more sensual of course because you weren't being watched with eager eyes, this was just for you two. König reached between your legs once he kicked them apart a little further and lightly, at first, rubbed your clit in little circles, pressing down on the hood of it, pinching it between two fingers, rolling it until you cried and fucked back on him. It was swollen and sensitive, edged while watching your first major picture was unexpected but this… holy fuck, this was worth it.
Even more so when he grabbed a handful of your hair to make you look at him rail you in the bathroom mirror.
"I want you to cum. I want you to look at me as you do it, I need to know--"
"It's for you, König I swear. Just give it to me a little harder. Just like that!"
He slapped your ass and held onto your hips until you couldn't take it anymore, the build up was too much, the little glances here and there, the lingering touches, the easiness - the trust.
You came suddenly with a shudder, your legs jerking as he was close to follow after you, spilling his cum, rope after rope. Warmth filled your entire body and even though you'd just climaxed with your co-star, your previous work could be heard through the walls.
You both locked eyes and laughed in the mirror.
Tagging: @nexthyperfix @konig-breedme @the-con-she-called-conscience @littlelovebug98 @mafer383 @synnersaint
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goobstars · 1 day
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Hihi !! Your quackity headcanon's were amazing <3 I was wondering if you could do something like "5 special moments" of quackity x reader ( either friends or lovers )
𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐘 — five special moments
       headcanon ⋆
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𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ★ thank you for being my second request ! i did have a first one that's in the works, but i'm just completing this because it's a quick little write ! be warned for profanity / kissing / some angst ! enjoy !
𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬 ★ what are some five special moments with quackity ? [ three romance, two platonic ]
𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 ★ moment — vierre cloud
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        ★ 1 ; first kiss
"alright, you're sure you want to do this?"
"alex, just kiss me."
"but why not in front of fireworks!? or i can even make it magical by sending off doves or whatever─"
his bickering was put to an end as you placed your lips on his, and the feeling of his sigh caressing your lips made you slightly smile.
all you had asked for was a kiss, and given how you both haven't even had your first kiss yet, the man couldn't help but stress about how it should be.
yet, you could feel all of that stress vanish as he kissed you back.
you let your forehead rest against his as one of his hands cupped your cheek─keeping your head still as he tilted his. the kiss deepened once his free hand cupped your thigh.
"is this good enough for a first kiss?" quackity mumbled in-between kisses, you giving him a light hum before he pulled back.
"if you keep kissing me like that, i might have to make it a few kisses..."
"both you and i know you don't have the guts to do that, alex." before he could protest, your lips met his again─to which he slightly melted to the feeling as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
"but you do, cariño..." he teased against your lips as you smiled, smacking his shoulder.
"shut up and kiss me."
"gladly."
        ★ 2 ; late-night drives
"ALEX, YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED!"
"I'M GOING IN THIRTY IN A THIRTY-FIVE─I CAN'T GO ANY SLOWER!"
you gripped your seat as quackity pulled into a parking lot, letting out a low sigh as you pursed your lips.
the cat fell into silence before your eyes trailed to quackity's, a slight snicker exiting your lips before quackity erupted into laughter.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he screamed at you while laughing, you covering your mouth as an attempt to stop until his wheezes made you laugh.
the noise didn't calm down until quackity pushed your hand away from your face, gently cupping the side of your neck before moving his lips onto yours.
you grabbed his forearm as you felt him pull back, you slightly frowning.
"if you stop griping about my speed, i'll kiss you more."
"deal."
        ★ 3 ; falling in love
you didn't know when it started, or how it would end, but the least you would do was try to accept it.
you were falling, but not in a physical way.
in a way that screamed, "hey! you see this bitch? yeah, you want to date them now!" kinda way.
you eyed quackity from the other side of the room, his body facing his monitor as he conversed with his chat. the way he lit up and laughed at the screen made you wish it was you for a split second before you went back to looking at your phone.
if only he would feel the same, but how could he? he had a busy life that certainly didn't have time for you.
yet, if only you knew that he had started to make room for you.
his eyes trailed away from his screen for a minute, eyeing your form as you looked at your phone. he couldn't help but wish that you were staring at him, and not that phone.
but who was he kidding?
you were a busy person with a life─there was no way you would ever be with him.
but maybe that would change.
        ★ 4 ; meeting
"sir, i just met you. why are you pointing at me?"
you eyed the man in the blue beanie─his black hair pointing out while he gifted you a large grin. "new best friend, i choose you!"
"will i get free stuff if i let you choose me?"
"yes."
"i guess i'm a damn pokemon now─LET'S GO!"
        ★ 5 ; comfort
crying is a natural thing.
yet, it felt so foreign when you heard quackity crying.
you stood in his doorway while you eyed your friend, his body hunched over in his chair as he let out shaky breaths.
"alex?" you called out in case you were mistaken. maybe he was playing a horror game that knocked the breath out of him?
but given how his screen was turned off, and his eyes looked up into yours with tears, you knew that wasn't the case.
you remained silent before walking over to him, gently wrapping your arms around him as he remained in his seat. his body slightly trembled against the contact while you patted his shoulder.
"do you want to talk about it?"
"not really..."
"then we won't." you reassured him as you stood besides him─making sure he knew you were there. you had never really seen him cry since he always seemed optimistic around you, so this was a first, and it was the first time you had felt your heart break into so many pieces.
you let him cry for as long as he needed, staying by his side the entire time.
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© goobstars — do not copy my work, whether it be here on another platform.
★ reblogs + hearts + comments are appreciated !
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deoidesign · 1 month
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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fluffle-writes · 28 days
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I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy
#you can tag anyone you feel this way about but I was thinking about Rook hunt in particular#tbh I feel like he'd picture the same - just with Vil and Neige#he wanta his oshis to be besties (he is just lime me fr) (just a liiiittle furyher frim reality)#(I view neigexVil as nore of a crackship until we get more Neige development/lore)#(our queen Vil doesn't deserve to be genuinely shipped with someone who's kinda 2D rn.#But I respect people who flesh out neige with headcanons - they write the dynamics realy well tbh)#(hopefully we get more RSA development at some point I think that'd be cool)#(plus I'd cry if TWST just. stopped. after the last NRC OB)#(I mean it'd make sense aince that's where the story is based and it'll probably end once Yuu finds a way home#- which feels close now thanks to Ortho)#(But at the same time I. have been following this since it first came out when I was about 16 - same age as the first year squad lol)#(and I feel like it'd feel weird if we stopped getting main story updates)#(Im rambling a LOT lol - probably because I'm tipsy haha)#(hope someone can relate to my lamenting of future woes though)#(Oh well - I should atop borrowing sorrow from the future and live joyfully with the now)#(I do miss my friends who've stopped being in the fandom though - and my friends who deactivated and idk how to contact now)#(sugarandmelody... zacrazyvalentine... I miss them. but we had fun#writing and stuff. and I suppose that's what matters in the end. that we had fun.)#at least - I hope they had fun too. and I kinda hope they think about me how I think of them sometimes.#have a nice day if you're reading this. I rambled in the tags a while and I understand that it's kinda long lol.#and probably riddled with typos#I'm tearing up for some reason haha. well it is what it is#I hope each and every one of my followers know how amazing they are - I hope y'all have a wonderful day - evening - or night#I wish I could hug people across the internet lol#I should stop posting on tumblr while drinky haha#tw drunk#tw drinking#i'll tag it just in case#don't wanna cause discomfort and stuff
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youremyonlyhope · 2 months
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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freckleslikestars · 2 years
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I kinda want to do some writing to celebrate getting my tumblr back, but also a whole tonne of shit went down at work tonight and I’m physically and emotionally drained, and my head is starting to hurt.
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drivemysoul · 2 years
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i wanna send the great war to my fp so bad
#taylor.txt#like... we did survive the great war. we survived eleven months of what genuinely felt like war (on my end at least)#and it WAS my fault!! it WAS me punishing him for shit he never did!! it WAS me lashing out because i was scared to get hurt!!#it was entirely me feeling betrayed and punishing him for it and acting irrationally. and i hurt him. and i regret it every day even now.#but... we survived. somehow. his hand WAS the one i reached for all throughout the great war. i just... was too scared to reach out.#i had to work on myself. reprogram how my brain thinks about betrayal and fighting. learn to step down and surrender.#i couldn't ask for forgiveness if i was just going to turn around and do the exact same thing to him again.#there WAS no morning glory. it WAS war. it WASN'T fair.#and... i'll do everything i possibly can to make sure we never go back to that.#'soldier down on that icy ground. looked up at me with honour and truth. broken and blue. so i called off the troops.' breaks me every time#like... he did. but i didn't stop back then. and i SHOULD'VE. i regret it every day. why is it so hard for me to just back down.#'that was the night i nearly lost you. i really thought i lost you.' ALSO breaks me.#i DID lose him. nearly forever. and i'm so grateful every single day that he was kind enough to give me a second chance and let me reach out#the day we started talking again and he let me apologise i think i was just shaking and crying the entire time. just. after everything.#god. the great war just perfectly describes how i felt that night and all those months#but how do i send it to him without it being just so fucking weird OR without making it seem like im trying to guilttrip him
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sapsolais · 4 months
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lemonlover1110 · 2 months
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𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇!
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Pairing: Firefighter!Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader
Summary: Toji tries to be the best father he can to his baby boy
Warnings: Fluff
*This isn't finished and it probably won't be but do enjoy what I did end up writing🥹🫶 I'll do a different AU for firefighter Toji
Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi
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“Toji!” You call out for your husband, wondering why he isn’t in bed. You approach the nursery, and that’s where you find your husband putting his finger under his son’s nose to check if he’s breathing. You never thought that you’d find Toji of all people doing this, but he really is doing everything he can to make sure the baby is breathing, while also making sure he doesn’t wake Megumi up.
Even after six months of having Megumi, Toji makes this part of his nightly routine. Megumi’s tiny stomach very visibly rises and falls, so there’s no need for Toji to be doing all of this. But Toji’s scared, and a new parent, so he still does.
He shushes you before you even dare speak too loud, you better not wake up the baby. You roll your eyes, a chuckle leaving your lips as you walk back to your bedroom, and your husband follows behind not too shortly after. 
“I love seeing you worry about the baby, but don’t you think you’re doing too much?” You ask him as you get in bed. Toji takes off his shirt before getting into bed right next to you. He pulls you into his warm embrace and kisses the top of your head. “Please tell me you turned off the alarm.”
“I have to get up and check up on him.” He responds, and you would laugh if you weren’t affected by it. Toji’s alarm wakes you up, and it’s annoying to be constantly woken up in the middle of the night. 
“Toji, you’re also really tired. If Megumi needs anything, he’ll cry.” You assure him, but Toji won’t listen to any of it. You understand him better than anybody since you’re also a new parent, but you already have to wake up to feed the hungry baby in the middle of the night, you don’t need to be woken up four other times by Toji.
“I still want to make sure he’s okay. What if he’s just sitting in his crib, waiting for daddy to come?” Toji asks, and you let out an exasperated sigh.
“You’re so right, Toji. But can you please go to the couch? I need to rest because I actually have to wake up and feed him.” You tell him, and Toji groans before letting go of you and sitting up on the bed. 
“You don’t mean it.” He says as he grabs his pillows. He drags his feet as he walks to the door, waiting for you to stop him. You hate to sleep without Toji but you’re tired and you don’t want to be woken up multiple times in the night for no reason.
“Close the door on your way out!” You yell at him, getting comfortable in your space. You want to go one night without interrupted sleep, and you hope tonight is that night. As much as it sucks to sleep without Toji, you need at least one night of good sleep. You hate to hurt his feelings, but you’re also too tired to care.
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“Look here, Megumi!” You put on your baby voice as you talk to your son, attempting to get him to look at your phone camera. Megumi doesn’t care though, he’s looking away, kicking his feet and yelling for the dog. He’s opening and closing his little fist in the direction of the dog, he can’t make it more clearer what he wants. “C’mon, baby, I want to send your father a cute picture.”
He keeps ignoring you, yelling to the dog. You watch the dog walk toward you and the baby, so you pick Megumi up from his play mat before the dog can lick the baby’s face. You take Megumi back to your bedroom, hoping that once you put him down on your bed, you can finally take the picture that you want to send to your husband. 
You put him down on the bed, and just as you open the phone camera to take the perfect picture before he can look away, you receive a call. Toji is calling to facetime, which is perfect timing. You accept it, immediately flipping the camera to put the attention on the baby.
“Oh my god, is that my cute little urchin wearing a sailor outfit?” Toji isn’t the type to fawn over this type of stuff, or so he thought. Toji has grown soft, in his own ways at least, for his baby boy. He’s laughing, calling his coworkers over to show off his baby. Yup, Toji has become that person.
Toji just loves being a father, he was scared that he wouldn’t. He knows some parents love their kids to death but don’t like being a parent at all– Luckily for him, that isn’t the case. He loves the fact that he’s teaching this little human the basics of how to live while also filling him with love. He loves it so much that he’s almost about to ask you for a second baby.
“You look tired.” You tell him when he stops showing off Megumi to everyone, flipping the camera on you. Toji is barely getting any sleep, even though you keep pushing him to get rest. 
“I’m fine.” He replies, and before you can argue with him, he changes the topic to more important manners, “Show me the baby, I miss him.”
“I was just showing you the baby.” You roll your eyes but you still turn the camera so Toji can watch his baby boy. 
“Megumi! Look at the phone.” Toji says, noticing how Megumi looks away. Megumi is stretching. Your hand goes to his tummy, tickling it which causes the baby to look back at you and giggle. It fills Toji up with immense joy but also regret that he can’t always be by Megumi’s side to experience it all.
Until he hears a sound you both dread, something that makes the loudest sigh leave your lips. That part is the only thing he hates about being a father. 
“Alright, I’ll see you later.” You hang up the phone before Toji can even mutter a goodbye, picking up the baby and taking him to the changing table.
You realize that in the past six months, you haven’t had any proper alone time with him. You’re both too focused on being the best parent to Megumi, that you’ve completely put your relationship on the side. He’s put everything on hold, even his own health, to be there for Megumi whenever he’s free. 
You miss him, and while you knew that your life would completely change the moment Megumi came along, you didn’t expect to be so separated from him. You want to get Megumi off your hands for a couple of hours so you can spend some nice alone time with Toji, without having him worry about Megumi needing something. 
It’s hard to get Megumi off your hands, especially when he’s so attached to you. He’s also a crybaby which certainly doesn’t help your case. 
“Do you want to go see your daddy soon?” You ask your son, picking him up from the changing table. It’s not like he can answer, so you take his coo as a yes. You need to arrange something with the help of a couple of people, and who’s better for this than some of Toji’s coworkers?
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“Fushiguro! You have some visitors here!” Toji hears from the kitchen, and he raises his brows, wondering who’s looking for him. When he walks into the kitchen, his heart skips a beat at the sight of his wife and son. Toji practically runs to your side when he sees you, pecking your lips before he takes Megumi from your arms.
“What are you two doing here?” Toji’s happiness radiates off his voice. Out of all things, he didn’t expect you and his son to come visit, but here you are. Toji kisses Megumi’s chubby cheek, while the baby’s hand grips the collar of his dad’s shirt.
“Just wanted to visit daddy for a bit since you’re always complaining about not spending enough time with Megumi.” You give him your best smile before you catch a glimpse of the woman that you came here to talk to. You squeeze Toji’s forearm before telling him, “I have to talk to Yuki, I’ll be right back.”
“Huh?” Toji furrows his brows but ultimately he doesn’t care because he has his baby boy in his arms and Megumi is trying to shove his hand into Toji’s mouth. He often wishes he could trade places with you– Toji loves his job but the moment Megumi took his first breath, he became Toji’s first priority. His favorite person; and you, of course. 
“Yuki, can we talk?” Your voice comes off as a whisper, and she raises her brows. A smirk comes to her lips before she lets out,
“Are we getting another mini Toji?” She’s rather loud, and you feel your face burn. You look absolutely mortified, and she bursts into laughter. She nudges her head to the table and begins to walk to it, making you follow behind. She pulls out a chair for you, but you shake your head since you don’t really have plans of staying for long. “What’s up?”
“You’re the person here that I trust the most… And you’re great with baby Megumi.” You bring up, and you feel yourself dragging it out. She knows, but she waits for you to say it, tapping her finger on the table as she waits for you to ask the question. “Can you take care of Megumi on Friday? I want to go out with Toji.”
“Man… I don’t know, I’m not that great with kids.” She responds, and you know it’s a lie, at least from what you’ve seen she’s great with Megumi. You’re willing to argue just about anything because you want to get Megumi off your hands for a night. 
“Really? Baby Megumi adores you.” You claim, which isn’t a lie, but Megumi likes just about anyone. “It’s a way for baby Megumi and his favorite auntie to get closer.”
She laughs, she knows what you’re doing, but she doesn’t mind. She has Friday off and has no important plans so she might as well try to figure out what goes on in a baby’s mind. She ends up saying, “As long as I don’t have to take him anywhere, I’m not sure how I’d work a carseat on a motorcycle.”
“Of course! If anything comes up you can call me and we’ll be at home within minutes.” You answer excitedly, and before you run in search for Toji, and even though he was just in the kitchen, he’s nowhere near the place when you look for him.
“Toji!” You call out for him, unsure of where he went with the baby. The firehouse is a big place, you sure aren’t going to look in every room. 
“Check the fire truck!” You hear from Yuki, and you roll your eyes at the mere suggestion. She’s not looking at it, you’re not going to entertain it– But she also knows Toji and that sounds like something he’d do. You stop in your tracks and let out a sigh before going to the firetruck. 
You walk over to the driver’s side, opening the door to find Toji putting Megumi’s hands on the wheel– A sight you find the most hilarious since Toji made it his mission to put a firefighter hat on the baby’s head; but you notice it’s smaller, leading you to assume that Toji bought this just for him and kept it hidden until now.
“Look, honey, Megumi told me he wanted to be just like his daddy when he grew up.” Toji chuckles, moving Megumi’s hands on the wheel which Toji finds hilarious. Megumi doesn’t find it as funny though. 
“Baby, he can barely sit up. Try it again in a few more months.” You say as you take the baby from his arms, and Toji clicks his tongue. He follows behind you as you walk back to the kitchen to take the diaper bag and go back to your car.
“Why are you leaving so soon?” He asks, annoyed that you’ve given him his baby and taken him away just as quickly.
“We just came to say hi and talk to Yuki, and since we’ve done that, we can go home now.” You respond. The man is pouting, something that you never thought you’d see from a man as big as Toji. When you have the diaper bag in your possession, you peck his lips, “Go save lives, baby.”
“What did you need to talk to Yuki about?” Toji questions, wondering what was so important that you decided to come all the way here.
“Babysitting, we’re going out on Friday.” You tell him, and his brows perk up. He’d think that would be more of a question instead of a statement, but it’s the latter. “You can’t say no, we haven’t had some proper alone time in months.”
“I wasn’t going to say no.” He mutters, crossing his arms and looking at the ground like a child. He was going to say no, and you can’t help but chuckle. Your hand goes under his chin and you begin to inspect his face.
“You’re also turning off those alarms to get proper rest. I think you’re annoying Megumi too by constantly coming into his room to invade his space.” And before he can argue with you, you leave him alone to share his thoughts with himself.
He guesses you're right.
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graphicpepsi · 1 month
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thunder (nsfw, mdni)
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OR: soft morning sex w simon the morning of his deployment :(
You woke up to a hand stroking your back, lovingly, and somehow you could tell he'd been awake for hours already. You hated that you'd woken up. If only you could stay with him, in warm sheets and sunkissed pillowcases forever. If only he wasn't mere hours away from fighting for his life.
"Mornin, love." His voice is gruff from sleep. You look up from his chest to meet his eyes. He looked at you like he mourned you, like he dreadfully pitied your sadness.
It scared him how much you loved him, because it gave him something to live for.
"Don't go, Si."
He sighs, heavy, his chest moving your body as it heaved. You have this conversation every time- every fucking time, and your heart hurts knowing it can only end with one word.
"Can't."
"I know."
He rubs his hand against your back, like he's trying to soothe a child. Your breath is getting caught in your chest, and your head is thick in water, your eyes sting like they've been rolled in salt but you're not going to cry- you're not going to cry. You can't do that to him.
You trace the scratches you left on his chest lastnight with your nails. Simon takes your hand in his, almost examining it.
"Your polish is chipping, love. Get 'em redone while I'm gone, yeah? On me. So you can scratch me up good when I'm back."
You force a small smile. He always insists on paying for everything while he's on deployment. Says it reminds him why he's fighting.
"I'd like that."
You peer over to the alarm clock. 7:30am. He had to leave at 9.
Simon sees the look on your face.
"Baby-"
But it's too late, a tear has already fallen down your face. And then another, and another.
"C'mere."
He sits you up, holding you tight in his arms, pressing your face into the crook of his neck.
"It's okay, baby, I'll be back soon, okay?"
You sniffle, pulling away to look at his face. You're going to miss that face. Scarred and worn, soft and loving.
You kiss him, softly at first, like you're timid. But then you're kissing him, desperate and hot, salty tears on your lips. He pushes you down underneath him, gently, his hand cushioning your head. His hands glide up your bare thighs and waist, underneath his shirt.
He doesn't have much on himself- just his boxers.
He slides his hand onto your cunt, his fingers rubbing between your folds. You tug at his hair in your hands, telling him you want more.
"Sh, it's alright, love."
He's barely touched you and you're already shaking. You both know this is the last time you'll feel each other for months.
Even Simon, large and strong, trembles as he slips his finger into you. He's almost wincing at your little moans, your breathy little whines, because it fucking hurts missing you before he's even gone yet.
He curls his fingers inside of you, softly, because he's not fucking you. He fucked you last night, the night before that, the night before that. He left you hazy and vibrating, fucked out, cum splattered everywhere, marks on every inch of your innocent skin.
But this, this was something different.
You dig your nails into his back, harder than usual because you want them to last.
"God, Si, please,"
It's like you're begging him to stay.
You whine when he takes his fingers out, your cunt pulsing around nothing.
"I know love, I know."
He feeds his dick into you, slowly, and you're grabbing at the sheets, his shoulders, his back- everything. He fills you so fucking good.
"God, damn." He grunts as he thrusts into you, his head leaning back. Your back arches into him, rays of warm sunlight covering your body in little orange lines as it filters in through the blinds.
"Si, Si, fuck-"
God he knows how to fuck. Knows how to make you cum faster than you do.
His dick brushes your spongy cervix with every time he slams into you. Fucking heaven. Your tight walls on his cock, like velvet around him.
"This pussys all mine baby, all mine," He grunts, bracing himself above you. His breath is hot on your neck.
"All yours, Si, fuck,"
He slams into you harder, his nose brushing against yours.
"'M gonna cum, Simon,"
You whine, scratching his scalp with your nails, fisting locks of hair.
"Cum on my cock, sweetie, please."
You cum on him with a shudder, eyes screwing shut and your head lolling back. He cums at the way you shake on his dick, the way your little body convulses in pleasure like it doesn't know what to do with itself.
God, you're tired.
He fucks you through your orgasm before gently pulling out, holding your hips with his large hands.
Your eyes are still shut, your cunt aching.
You feel him tuck a blanket over you, another pillow sliding under to support your neck.
"Just go to sleep, baby, shh." He strokes your cheek with his thumb. You half-open your eyes to look at him, sadly.
He's crouched next to the bed, looking at you adoringly.
"I'll be gone when you wake up," His voice is breaking, "But only for a little, okay?"
You grab his hand,
"Please come back."
He runs a finger over your knuckles before kissing them.
"I will, love." His accent is thick next to you.
Neither one of you want to move. But he has a half hour to shower and go.
"I love you, Simon Riley." You whisper, shutting your eyes and sighing with the knowledge this is the last time he'll hear those words next to him for awhile.
"I love you too, baby. Just go to sleep."
He presses a kiss to your forehead before you hear him walk away.
Fuck.
A/N: 🥺🥺🥺 first time writing for our boy Simon bc i also want him primally even tho König is my main piece of ass. Hope y'all enjoyed
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ddejavvu · 9 months
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What about spencer with a reader who is normally so independent and does everything for herself but she’s so soft for spencer and lets him dote on her and take care of her and the team is like :o bc they can’t believe she is letting someone do things for her
"I'm not a tyrant," Spencer's voice is inexhaustibly patient, and his fingers are slightly awkward as he holds them around his phone, angling it awkwardly so that you can see his upper half on face-time while he sits at his desk, "I just want you to take your medicine so that you can get better."
"I am better," You insist, your voice a far cry from its usual drawl. It's more ragged and weak, and you definitely have a stuffy nose, which indicates how untruthful your words are. Everyone knows it, most of the bullpen can hear your insistent griping, and they're beginning to feel bad for Spencer. They can't imagine how he'd gotten you to stay home today, but they're shooting each other knowing grins each time you push back against his gentle insistence.
"No, angel, you're not." Spencer croons, "You're on the mend, but you're not recovered yet. And you'll get worse if you don't take your meds. I put them on the nightstand for you, and some water. All you have to do is take them, and go back to sleep."
"I don't want to sleep!" You insist, and it's a whine- a whine! Emily's mouth splits in an incredulous grin, and a laugh threatens to tremble Derek's broad shoulders at how juvenile your attempts at protest have become. They're used to your biting words, your forceful demeanor, your inability to surrender any control, but Spencer's got you tucked into the covers begging for a kiss on the forehead.
"I've been sleeping all day, and I slept all day yesterday, and the day before that. I'm tired of sleeping. Just let me fill out some paperwork! Anything, Spence, please."
He chews on the inside of his cheek, ignoring the way that JJ giggles suspiciously with Penelope, who's leaning against the side of her desk, drawn out of her office for the spectacle.
"You can read," He relents, "And you can watch tv but only if you do it on your computer with the night light setting turned on," He narrows his eyes, taking on your rather rough persona to ensure that his orders are obeyed, "Promise?"
"Promise," You rasp, and the team can hear the smile in your voice, "Thanks, Spencer."
"Use the night light setting," He warns instead of accepting your thanks, "I'll check later to see if it's turned on!"
"Okay!" You laugh, and Spencer winces lightly as the sound morphs into a thick cough, "Okay, I'll- ah, I'll see you later, baby."
"See you later," He concedes with a fond smile, waving in addition to his verbal goodbyes, "Love you."
"Love you too," You promise, then end the call. Spencer feels the weight of everyone else's stares on him as he sets his seldom-used phone down and resumes working, refusing to acknowledge them unless they prod at him first.
"Good job, Spence," JJ congratulates, "I didn't think she'd ever take a sick day."
"I know," Emily gushes with bright eyes and a wild smile, "If I tried to tuck her in she'd probably bite me."
"Well, that's 'cause you don't have Pretty Boy's charm," Derek cracks, though the smile that he flashes Prentiss is reassurance that he's teasing Spencer more than he's teasing her, "Congrats on wearing the pants today, Reid. Enjoy it while it lasts, 'cause as soon as she's out of bed, she's taking the wheel again."
Spencer takes great pleasure in levelling Derek with a meaningful, "Shut up," because he's more than happy to be your passenger princess any day.
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ectoplasmer · 1 year
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aaaadhasjsahfjsdfkhjdsfkjhdfs dies
#FIRST DAY OF FINALS: FINISHED#just. one more. and i can sleep the whole of friday >_<#today wasn't too bad but i did almost cry during the math final lol#it was the end of the day and i was tired and frustrated and my teacher SAID the questions would be like the ones on the review but#then they threw in a fraction to a quadratic equation and i was. very lost#especially since the equation only had an a and c value and no b#so solving it with the quadratics formula was confusing and i'm pretty sure i failed that question#and a few other ones that were DEFINITELY not on the review#i don't know if i really care though >_>#i think that's the one i got the worst grade on so far but we haven't gotten results back since my math teacher wasn't here today#i was much more worked up and frustrated about it earlier but i took a nap to stave off the emotions and was okay afterwards#i just... need to remember that i'm in an honors math class for a reason and that i'm not 'stupid' or 'incompetent'#some stuff is just hard to understand and i'll get the hang of it eventually even if it's not right now#and either way what am i going to need parabolas and quadratics for in the veterinary field??#unless.... calculus..... o_o#that's a stressor for another day ANYWAY#tomorrow should (key word should) be easier since most of my core classes were today#crossing my fingers that i get out of it alive and well#i'm now going to go and promptly pass out on my face because my brain is literally so fried right now#good night tumblr <33#rainy.file
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luveline · 11 months
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Ok what about a lil fic of Remus being snappy with his gf leading up to the full moon? Just some angst and then fluffy ending with them reconciling
thank u for ur request! —remus says something he shouldn't before the full moon, and later campaigns for your forgiveness with affection and a confession. fem!reader, 1.2k
Remus lays on the couch with his forearm pressed to his eyes. It's the day before the full moon, and he feels the hours approaching like a death sentence every time. You hover in the doorway, watching, unsure of how to help. He gets the same every month (or rather, every cycle). 
Irritable. So anxious he can't breathe properly, let alone enter conversation. 
You hate seeing him like this. Your Remus, who spends every moment you're together trying to make sure you're as happy as you can be. 
Cautious, you round the sofa to crouch by his face. You hold out your hand, trailing a gentle fingertip down the length of his arm, tripping over pinched skin ridged by scars. He's beautiful no matter what, but he gets insecure about how he looks every full moon. You know he thinks he's a monster. You've no way to prove it to him beyond this. 
"Hey, handsome," you say softly. "I know you're not hungry, but I made dinner anyway if you feel up to it. And I know," —you drop your voice to a near whisper— "I know you're not in the mood, but I'm here. I can sit here and stroke your hair in silence all night if that's what you want, my love. I'll do whatever you want." 
"Then leave me alone," he says. 
Half snap, half firm defeat. You wince at the ire in his voice. It won't ever be nice to have someone you love speak to you like you're getting on their nerves, but you know what it is he's facing. You know this is hard for him to cope with. You can forgive him for everything if he makes it through this in one piece. 
"Okay. I'm sorry. I love you, Remus." 
He turns his head toward the sofa cushions. 
You leave the room with a heavy heart. In the kitchen, you try to eat, but every mouthful makes you feel sick, your eyes welling with tears as you chew. You're hurt, he's hurting, and this really, really sucks. 
The smell of dinner starts to amplify the nausea. You grab your plate and carry it to the back door, scraping your leftovers straight into the rubbish. You wash your plate and leave it to drip dry on the draining board, your eyes burning. You sniff, wiping your nose in your sleeve. 
You're hoping desperately that Remus will come around before bed, but he stays where he is. Thinking he's finally found sleep and wanting to leave him to that blissful reprieve, you creep through the living room and down the hallway into the bedroom. Tears fall as you change into your pyjamas. You're so tired that you barely have time to cry yourself to sleep. 
You're not sure how much longer it is when you wake. A familiar hand cups your cheek. 
From the warmth of your skin, he's had his hand there for a while. 
"I'm so sorry," Remus says. 
You don't know how he knows you're awake. He must have been watching you long enough to spot the difference. Honestly, you're not sure you want to see him yet, because you love him so much, and it breaks your heart to be at the end of his disdain even when you know the cause. 
You struggle to see him in the dark. 
"I should never have spoken to you like that." 
Your eyes close of their own accord, exhausted and sore from crying. "You didn't mean it." 
"I wish you'd shout at me," he murmurs, sliding his hand over your ear. His thumb draws along the shell of your ear. 
"I'm too tired," you mumble. 
Remus' head shifts closer to yours. Sharing the same pillow, his hand falls to your shoulder, his arm wrapping around you, a firm bicep pressed to your front. 
You let yourself lean into it. His breath warms the space between your brows. 
"It's no excuse, but I… I can't think of anything else but the pain, sometimes. I get so angry about it, because I'm–" He stops short, swallowing audibly in the otherwise silent room. "I'm scared. But I would be a hundred times more terrified if I didn't have you, knowing you're there for me, unflinchingly, before and after it happens, it helps me get through it. It's not fair that you give me so much peace and I just… 
"I'm sorry, dove. I don't mean to take advantage of your… heart." He says heart like he's been winded. He hadn't sounded finished, but everything stops at that word. 
You force your eyes open. He's looking at you with an unspeakable amount of love, kind to keel you over if you were standing. His eyes are pitch black in the lack of light, irises melded with pupils, giving him an even sorrier gaze. You raise a sluggish hand to his where it rests behind your back and pull it back to your face. You miss his touch. 
"I love you," you say. 
"I know," he says, his jaw tensing in an attempt to stage off tears. "I love you, too." You watch them collect in the corners of his eyes, following one as it slides to rest in the dip of his nose bridge while he lies on his side like this. 
"So don't be sorry." 
"But I am sorry. I can't fathom why I think it's okay to treat you that way." 
"You don't think at all, Remus. I'm not being flippant, but you're busy worrying about the worst of it." You shake your head gently. His hand twitches against your cheek. "I don't blame you." 
"I know," he utters. 
You stare up at him as he sits enough to tower over you. His smile is sorry, in love and ashamed. You want to tell him how it doesn't matter, that it's okay, but you're thinking maybe you need him to say it first. 
"I'm sorry." 
"Remus, you only told me to leave you alone." 
"I need you to know that any other time, you're all that I want. You're everything. I couldn't ask for more than you. Please don't think I'm cruel," he pleads in a whisper. 
You lift your chin incrementally. "I'd never think that." 
His apology kiss is coddling. Like he's worried he'll hurt you, like he's holding back, he kisses you like you can't handle more than a chaste press of the lips. 
"I love you," he says into it. 
You lift your head to kiss him harder. You love him, and you won't break. You can be exactly as strong as he needs you to be, so long as love waits at the end of the night. 
"I love you." A huff of a laugh escapes him. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Caution has his joke falling flat.
You nuzzle your cheek against his, knowing you'd forgiven him just as soon as he'd snapped. "If you let me stroke your hair. Did you eat your dinner?" 
"I'll eat it tomorrow," he says. A white lie, you both know, but he slides down further under the sheets so you can reach his head. 
You card your fingers through his hair until you've both fallen asleep. 
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neverendingford · 2 years
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winkwonkwankwenk · 5 months
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Nanami Head-Cannons!! (SFW & NSFW)
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SFW
Works like a dog to provide for you, definitely works overtime and stacks vacation days like change in a jar. Some weeks you only ever feel him peck your cheek in the morning and the next time you see him with be the weekend- if you're lucky.
He misses you constantly, so much that he'll often accidently type your email along with his usual ones and you end up knowing all the company's trade secrets. Oops.
He sends you gifts every day he's away, from flowers to cakes to flights to your favorite places- he gifts you so often you've got a closet just for all the teddy-bears and a greenhouse to preserve your bouquets.
The two of you stay in a massive house so it's very lonely when he's gone. He makes sure to call you at least twice a day, morning and night.
He knows what time you wake up and time you go to sleep because he's memorized your sleeping pattern. He knows when to send chocolates and shopping money because he has your period app on his phone too and pays close attention to the notifications.
He came home to you crying in bed one night and called out of work for a month to make up for loss time. Ever since then, even during busy seasons, he makes sure to at least spend a week with you.
During his days off, he treats you to expensive dates cute strolls through gardens. He wants to impress and please you daily, and worries if you don't seem to be enjoying yourself. "Do you want a different dish?" and "Honey, we can go somewhere else if you'd prefer to" are phrases you've often heard when he's getting into his head.
He has a photo of you in his wallet and several in his office. Your wedding photos decorate his desk, along with vacation photos and cute pictures he snuck of you when you weren't looking. You're his Lock screen, home screen, and background on all of his computers.
He's never raised his voice at you and he never will. Even when the two of you fight, he can't help but dote on you and promise you the world. Whatever has you upset, he'll fix, even if it costs him an arm and a leg. "I like when you express yourself, Honey." He'll apologize for anything he's done to upset you and when you struggle to communicate he patiently waits and praises you for every word you manage to say. "Tell me what's on your mind and I'll do everything I can to make things better"
He's a funny man, his humor a mix of sarcasm and corny jokes. He'll tell you knock-knock jokes when you're sad and awful dad jokes when the two of you have calmed down from an argument but you can't help but laugh when he pulls you into a warm hug. How are you supposed to stay mad at such a charmer?
He'll feel guilty when he comes home to see you cooked dinner days ago and he never got to eat it. To make up for it, he'll cook you breakfast and leave it out for you before he heads off to work- even if he's exhausted. It's the least he can do.
NSFW (Kinky stuff ahead per usual hehe)
He has...scandalous pictures of you locked in a drawer of his desk. They come in handy during late shifts when he needs to let off steam and doesn't want to wake you. He'll bite down on his tie and groan as he jerks off under his oval desk.
He gets so turned on when you pull his tie. One night, he came home tense to see you having a late night spa session in the bath. You asked him to join and he insisted on showering to get off the grime of the office but then you pulled his tie with those dainty little hands and pulled him into the water. You thought he would be mad, but then he stripped out of his clothes before you could blink and fucked you senseless. Something about the pressure around his neck really gets his blood flowing.
Nanami caught you listening to him working out once and made sure to invite you to join him. He pinned you under him as he did push-ups, making sure you heard every grunt and groan. "You like that?" He whispered into your ear as you squeezed your thighs together under him. "I'll make sure to be extra vocal from now on."
Phone sex- the two of you have it at least once a week. Sometimes the pictures in his desk aren't enough and he has to wake you. His breaths are heavy, voice husky as he shows you his boner. "Look what you do to me, Y/N..." He'll whisper as your groggy eyes struggle to focus, "Help me fix it, okay Honey?"
He found your toys in the closet one day when he came home and was pissed. Not because you were using them but because he wasn't there to watch. He asked if you'd be okay with him having a camera in the bedroom to watch you and was so excited when you said yes. From then on, you've made sure to give him his own special liveshow- always sending him a text before you masturbate.
One day, he had left his lunch at home, so you brought it to him only to accidently interrupt a meeting. Before you could apologize he had you in his lap in his big office chair, secretly fingering you. You buried your face into his thick neck to stay quiet and squeezed his shoulders for relief. The moment the meeting was over he bent you over his desk and rammed into you.
His voice is so soft and sweet during sex, especially when he coos and praises you while talking you through your orgasms. "Y/N, look at me, Honey." and "Such a good girl...keep clenching like that, okay?" along with "What a pretty woman you are...I'm so lucky to have you."
His favorite positions are Mating-press and Nelson because he gets so deep inside of you he can feel your womb eagerly opening for his release.
He's got a monster. It's not eight inches, not nine, not even ten- 12 girthy inches casually hangs between his legs. He always makes sure to prep you well before even pulling it out.
Your pleasure over his- always. Even if he can barely keep his eyes open he'll put his back into it to make you orgasm.
Vacations are always romantic trips to one of his beach houses. He'll feed you chocolate-covered strawberries and expensive wines, then lay you down on the beach and eat you out until your toes curl in the sand.
He's going to put a baby in you. Period. The two of you have already discussed expanding the family and the moment you were on board he made sure to empty his balls every time the two of you had sex. He made sure not a drop of his cum spilled out, sometimes plugging it in with one of those toys you would play with in the livestreams.
You're his priority, in and out of bed. He treats aftercare like his biggest responsibility. He'll run a warm bath, carry you to it, wash you, dry you, comb and brush your hair- the list goes on and on. He'll order your favorite food and feed it to you, then soothe you until you fall asleep in his arms. He likes your body, but he loves you.
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