#because I can barely stop myself from engaging with this lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iciatheguardess · 10 months ago

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Hiiii it’s meeee elsie

conflicted Elsie

Look, you know as well as I do that I love TAOCC to freaking death

but like

I may have to partially step away from it after the current arcs are over.

these goofy goobers took over my life for the last three-ish months, and while I’ve had an amazing time, it’s…caused me to neglect other parts of my life, and restrict myself more than I should when it comes to how I am on this site. I’ve stated my intention to try and branch out multiple times but I never go through with it because I just…I have things to write here! I can’t! And yeah it’s fun but sometimes I get hurt even if people don’t mean to, like, I’ve gotten legitimately ill from this once or twice.

But I feel like even trying to step away a bit is somehow abandoning all of you or betraying your trusts. I want to stay friends with you guys, but my actual life and Irlsie has to come first most of the time, because I am not JUST Elsie, if that makes any sense. Elsewhere is and was always meant to be a sona for some interaction, maybe some friendos, but nothing this…involved, because I can’t put all of my social effort onto the internet because no matter what I do, the internet is not a completely genuine place, and I’ve accepted that. There are some parts of my personality I just don’t use. You don’t really ever see calm Elsie or mental illness Elsie or sappy Elsie, maybe once or twice, and that’s intentional. This is Writing Elsie’s blog, lol, but there’s other Elsie that needs to be allowed to exist outside of the internet, and I can’t neglect her or my actual life for the sake of this.

I honestly don’t know what to do here. I love these characters on a very personal level, and have poured my heart into them, and I don’t want to straight up leave them. Even only partially separating myself seems kinda pointless because I know what happens when someone gets really behind on the lore and has to be caught up on even just a day’s events to explain why Character A looks like this now or Character B is referencing this event, etc. etc.

But there’s a point where it’s not healthy anymore. Where things reach a place where I have to admit that this can’t be my entire life anymore. And I’m not entirely sure what on earth I should do about it…

If I do somewhat step back, it’ll probably be right after the vacation arc ends. i’m gonna pour my fluff loving heart and soul into that thing, don’t you worry. But you shouldn’t expect another dungeon or something like that from me unless I have a VERY good reason and a well formulated plan. Yes, I’ll probably still engage in shippery and fluff, as well as analysis, but mostly within the bounds of characters and dynamics we’ve already established, and not much farther than that. My one exception to the “after the vacation arc” rule would probably be Yelena’s arc, because of how long things in that section tend to take, for various reasons. Yelena’s arc is barely started, and stuff takes possibly days to move even a few hours in-universe. Sooooo….yeah, I wanna finish that, I’ve put too much work into it already to just stop it.

…dang this was only supposed to be a paragraph…

…pls halp, I have no idea what to do lol.

Ok. I've read over this a couple times.

First off, I'm talking to you as L here, and not Star. I am very, very proud of you for acknowledging this and understanding that this is getting unhealthy. I think it's very smart that you dont want to neglect your yourself irl and the fact you're saying this, and saying exactly what you'll be doing, I'm really proud of it.

To give you a clear answer, if it's going to help you irl then I think stepping back is smart. Especially from the trauma and angst, because that stuff hurts a LOT and it can be really, really detrimental and negatively affect irl things. What I DONT think is that it's betraying anyone. You need to be able to put yourself and your needs first in order to be your best self, and everyone understands that you can't be on tumblr 24/7 because, well, that's really really really really unhealthy and not good. I'm really glad you're telling me about this though so I, and everyone else who sees this, knows.

TAOCC is really great but there's a LOT of heavy things on here and with everything going on, it can be super weighing and really affect people irl. I can speak from experience because honestly, I'm in a similar situation. I won't speak much about that though. It's definitely addictive and can get really really unhealthy if you let it, and honestly it's not hard to let it.

I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you, no matter what that entails. Fei and Tails and Xeya and Kumo and so many others and I love you so much and do NOT want you neglecting yourself and your life irl for this- it's meant to be entertainment, not a lifestyle.

I think it's smart to finish Yelena's Arc before partially stepping back. And I think it's even smarter to not want to do another dungeon, because that whole thing was a massive angst-fest and I think it negatively affected people more than they care to admit. Shippery and fluff and minor things is a good boundary.

I'll wrap this up now, but again, I'm in full support of this decision because I want you to be at your best. You're right, you're not just Elsie. And it's not fair for you to only be Elsie when you're so much more than that. If stepping away from tumblr will help you take care of the other parts of your life that we aren't involved in or aware of, then please do so because no part of you and your life should be sacrificed for the sake of entertainment.

Again, I'm really, really proud of you for admitting this.

Please know we'll always support you and you're super important to all of us, so don't ever feel bad for putting your needs first. Irl things should always come first.

But no matter what always remember:

WE LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOURE SUPER IMPORTANT AND WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Everything I said is applicable for everyone else reading this too. Taocc is fantastic and we love it but it shouldn't completely take over your life. It's okay to take a break or step back fully if it means the best for your health and irl life. Please remember to take care of yourselves- and everything that Elsie talked about here is FANTASTIC self care. It may be hard, but it's also the best decision she can make for herself and may be the best decision for others too.

Alright- I think I covered everything. Don't ever feel like you're betraying us Elsie- it's not betrayal, it's self care. We'll still be here for you, always. Never forget that ❤️❤️❤️

#iceanswers #modstar

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judesbelligoal · 12 days ago

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chileeee my mama just made me so mad today. So for context, this whole year, I’ve been seriously suspecting that I have adhd and/or autism myself, and not in a quirky way, like I genuinely feel like there’s something “off” with me and has been my whole life, but if I go to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist tells me I’m not, I’m open to hearing that, like I’m just tryna figure out what’s up with me.

So this week I was thinking about how usually for people who have adhd diagnosis as an adult, the doctor usually asks about your childhood, looking for childhood history and stuff. So I’ve been thinking about my childhood and how I used to behave and shit and I asked my mom when we were cooking and that conversation basically went like this

“ma did the teachers say I was distracted a lot when I was a kid?”

And she said “no” and I was like “really? I remember being told by teachers that I was distracted a lot throughout school” (and yes, I genuinely remember being told this and even yelled at for it)

and then she basically said that yeah, I did get told that I was distracted, but I was only distracted in classes that I was bored in (which was most of them), but in classes that were unfamiliar, I was very engaged in.

Then we left that at that, then I also asked her for the information to our primary doctor, coz I don’t have it. I asked her for a seperate issue, but I think she connected the two questions in her mind.

Then an hour ago, before she left for work, she told me to sit down and just went on a tirade about how I shouldn’t go to the doctor to get diagnosed with anything because there’s nothing wrong with me. And the she got back to the question from before and she was like

“you started school early, you were in the first grade when you were five years old and everyone else was 7-8 so of course you were distracted blah blah blah”

Keep in mind that this convo was out of nowhere considering the question I asked her was hours ago lol, but yeah. She spoke about how I was so mature for my age when I was a child, I was ahead of everyone in a higher grade and that’s why I was so bored and distracted, that I was a very disciplined child who learned everything before everyone else, how I barely cried as a baby, how I learned to talk and use the bathroom way before every other kid and that I was just a smart kid and that nothing was wrong with me, etc and that my life only fell apart this year, my first year out of high school (graduated last year).

At this point it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me lol coz I just sat there in silence for the 20 minute rant.

Idk man. When I was a kid, both my parents refused to evaluate me, thinking I was just a “smart child that was blessed by God.” I think she doesn’t even want to consider the possibility that I could have a mental disability. And I hate that she’s so religious that she thinks everything can be changed with prayer.

I think maybe she doesn’t know the full picture of what an adhd diagnosis looks like so she takes it as it being a negative thing when in reality it could help you a lot with trying to understand yourself a bit better. Idk if you’re black but im gonna assume you are and unfortunately this is something thats very common in the black community. Dont let this stop you from finding out if you do have adhd/autism❤️

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esther-dot · 1 year ago

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I'm not speaking on anybody's life experiences, but the books do not necessarily reflect one's life experiences. I think it's perfectly okay to feel uncomfortable about how an incestuous Jonsa might be handled in the books if you have an adoptive brother... Esther, you might remember a while ago I sent an ask that Jon in the show looks like my brother (and Sansa herself like his HS girlfriend) and I absolutely cannot do show!Jonsa without feeling fucking weird lol... but equally I don't really think that's the shipper's fault at all. I feel uncomfortable with the depiction of sexual violence in the books and I understand part of the message and I understand the time it was written and I understand that the sexual violence in it barely compares to how much violent pornography many men consume now and are completely desensitised to, which is something GRRM is vehemently against, but it still rankles me. That's ok.

But like, the conflict of brother/cousin/uncle/father is central to Jon's future angst, and I do think it's probably true that the way people talk about adoptive families can be insensitive, but the conflation of this with the textual stakes is short-sighted. In-universe it is going to have consequences and how Jon chooses to handle that (and everybody else) is going to matter, because in that universe blood does mean something for good or ill. Yet whether Jon was Ned's flesh and blood doesn't change that he committed treason to protect him because he loved him and he loved his sister. Jonsa as a 'betrayal' of this protection is thematically interesting to me. I'm still a book-only shipper lol

I do remember that! I got several followup asks by other Jonsas wanting to know more, but I was worried it would make you even more uncomfortable so I never published those! 😂

I agree with you. I think it’s quite possible some of us have spoken carelessly on the issues anon mentioned, but we’re a worldwide fandom and I’d hope that everyone would be gracious and not assume intentional callousness around these sensitive topics when there are many explanations for why we view it and/or speak about it differently.

And, regardless of our modern sensibilities on these issues, Martin has a) chosen to make incest a major part of his story b) chosen to make the identity of Jon’s biological mother and father a series long mystery that will have repercussions personally and politically, just as you pointed out. None of us need to read the books if they’re too much, but if we’re engaging with the fandom, we’re gonna have to operate with what the writer has given us and accept some of his premises.

Jonsa as a 'betrayal' of this protection is thematically interesting to me.

It’s so good! When I’m considering future paths for the story to walk down and why, I often have to stop myself from typing, “for torturing Jon purposes” because that obviously fails to capture all the interesting conversations certain developments would allow Martin to have, but oh boy, is the poor kid gonna go through it.

#dot chat

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beautifulpersonpeach · 2 years ago

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I don't call myself army, just a music fan, like to follow grown up fans of kpop and other groups and honestly up until now I thought your characterization of kpop fans and multis behavior to BTS was very one-sided and overblown. But now I'd like to offer you an apology Bpp. I keep up with a bunch of kpop podcasts run by kpop fans and black women and I follow this 30+ black woman whose whole shtick is being in kpop for vibes, not engaging in fanwars and overall being above the gross behavior from immature racist armys. So imagine my horror when I open my Twitter today and the first thing I see is this:

https://twitter.com/SideShowShit/status/1647483768423464961?s=20

My heart is so heavy and burdened by this I don't even know where to start bpp. Just last week I saw a Shinee/taemin/multi fan say the hate against Jimin should 'show give those armys a taste of what they do' when Jimin has been the target of overwhelming hate from the same shinee fans since his debut. I'm thinking to just leave kpop completely because this kind of brain rot in adults over nothing makes me depressed as fuck. I sympathize more with armys now more than ever. I love Jimin and don't want to stop actively following him. How do you deal with all this hate? Seriously how do you do it?

***

Hi Anon,

Your link.

Abridged answer: "I got no worries because you can't stop me lovin' myself" - reference linked here. :)

Long-form answer:

Like I've said before, if you've managed to make your way to the podcast side of k-pop stan environments you already have my condolences lmao. I won't state the exact reasons for that here but you're already experiencing a few of those reasons it seems.

That user is actually familiar to me - she's a black woman who works in the US entertainment industry, Hollywood to be exact, in a semi-administrative role. That person is a Blink who runs in the same circles as Ash - a k-pop writer/podcaster and multi in the US; Carrie - an Exol and Shawol in Toronto who writes K-drama/film reviews; Tamar - a Jewish Blink and multi who is a k-pop journalist; and a bunch of other k-pop writers, journalists, DJs, and otherwise 'grown-ups in k-pop' who can't seem to speak even in a neutral capacity about BTS, let alone ARMY, despite many of them deriving their livelihoods from the spread of k-pop in the West spearheaded in a large part by BTS. It's partly why ARMYs are extremely skeptical of k-pop journalism because oftentimes these content creators, journalists or reviewers are just stans of other groups with barely concealed animus for BTS. And also why the quality of critical conversations in k-pop fandom is so poor. I mean, how can you trust the opinion of an adult Black woman who should intimately know the implications of racism, calling Jimin, Oli London, unprovoked? It's all so comical but also kinda tragic lol.

You sent me this ask just as I was publishing this post so perhaps you hadn't yet seen what I've said about the dominant behaviours of k-pop stans in fandom.

I understand how painful it is to see things like that but I suggest you ignore them, report and block the account if it bothers you that much, but otherwise focus on celebrating Jimin and the things you love about him. I keep saying that hate does nothing but create more of the same. Many of the people who belong to rival fandoms, especially the fandoms that have a history of being abusive to BTS and ARMY since as far back as 2014, including fans of Shinee, EXO, Beast, Super Junior, and since 2018, BlackPink, many of the people in those fandoms default to hating anything connected to BTS, and it fascinates me even now how it's like a social contagion.

If seeing opinions like that really distress you, it's okay to step back from k-pop completely. In fact I recommend it for people who tend to get really emotionally connected to the artists they support, because none of those people are going to learn to do better, and chances are you could begin mirroring their behaviour if you get too attached. I'm friends with many people from those fandoms because they've known me since before I became ARMY, they know what I think, value, and tolerate, and they share the same values as me. But a few of those friends have been sort of 'excommunicated' from their fandoms because they refuse to engage in the hate towards BTS, and this happens far more often than you think.

I write as much as I do about this topic because I get it. Nobody wants to see shit like that. But at the same time, those sentiments towards Jimin and BTS have always existed and Jimin is still happy, thriving, more concerned with knowing what his fans think about his music, so if he's the reason you're here, then focus on him.

For me it's really that simple.

#Juwon Park too used to run in their circles since she's a VIP who doesn't like BTS and ARMY #That was until she said something anti-black and they realized she had very limited access to the industry anyway #You'll see these sorts of characters from time to time the longer you spend time outside ARMY spaces #If that bothers you then I strongly hope you detach from k-pop completely because it will only get worse the longer BTS remains on top #kpop #kpop fandom #multis #bts army #fandom behaviour #fandom behavior #bts #jimin #park jimin

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anonymouslylovesyou · 5 months ago

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Ep 8 session finale @whoblewboobear

Inch resting that Lady Whistedown is talking about fastest engagements

Painter is the gay guy from earlier and he's so sick of straight people

Not her referring to the marriage at their ruse again

Ok Marina is alive, I really like Marina I hope she ends up ok. Maybe George can still come in clutch

OH HE DID FUCKING FINALLY

FUCK GEORGE DIED

"I had hoped you'd male an exception for me" fucking rich people, this tailor goes through so much

Eloise thinks the tailor is Lady Whistedown, she's also trying to give the shovel talk I think

This is physically a little painful

Yknow seeing Penelope and Eloise friendship makes me wonder if Daphne has any friends :(( that really is the saddest bit of Simon and her fighting, you fight with your lover and your best friend

Oh my god Simon, "you will be better off without me" I though you left that shit behind when you married her

BETTING HIS HOUSE INSANE

Marina marry George's brother??

Not loving him is stopping you at the finish line?? I get it its bc she found out he loved her till the end. Still a bad decision for her <3

Daphne snooping in letters? What is this about hm

I have so much trouble telling Anthony and Benedict apart it's crazy I can barely pick out Colin

Sienna his dick simply cannot be that good

Lady Danbury caught Daphne snooping and apparently she was looking at the letter Simon wrote his dad as a boy

Get his ass Will, god Will would be such a good husband

Pay your debts first then new dresses

Daphne is trying to bridge this gap so much

Where has Francesca been..

Ooo Colin can sing incredible

Eloise: I'm not sharing my candy *shares with both brothers and Penelope*

Simon being good with kids

Uh oh Marina felt something in her stomach

Ye Olde Abortion Tea did not work

Sienna is so hot I'd love to put Jace in her little fit

Oh wow he wants to take her to the ball with him. But also sir she has a show tonight like she's got a whole job man

Oh they're acting like friends again.. I'm biting

Noo Rose we were reaching a breakthrough for a second

I want so do the little dances so bad I gotta ask my irl friends to get back to that

Oh jeez Penelope's dad may get murdered

Penelope was about to tell Colin she loved him and he's like I'm leaving to travel the world

No Eloise chase after Penelope not the Queen

Oo good flattery Eloise

I am once again pained by whatever Eloise is doing

Uh oh Siennas other boytoy answered the door

"I am looking out for myself" good for her I want to protect her

Now what is he going to do with these flowers. Oh just throw them out?? Someone has to pick those up you know

Only 1 dance?? Sweetheart you started the bargaining at 3

Oh shitt rain interrupting their first dance

Oh shit rain on the painting!! Shit I hope it's ok

WHEEZE LADY DANBURY DISSMISSING EVERYONE

"Just because something is not perfect sows not make it any less worthy of love" Damn Daphne what a line that fucks

They will be bed foe the next week either with a cold or fucking or know them possibly both

Oh shit he really was murdered

Why is Simon's shirt unbuttoned so far huh? Slut.

Maybe it's just practically it wasn't staying on very long

Marina and Lady Featherington had a strange bonding moment

OH SHIT I FORGOT THE ESATE WOULDN’T JUST GO TO PENELOPE'S MOM

Listen Simon and Daphne I'm glad you're not fighting anymore but you still do have to take care of your farmers back home

Anthony: I'm not going to marry for love

Me, who knows he does: sounds fake lol

Eloise was wrong about the tailor

PENELOPE

IN LABOR AND A MALE MIDWIFE

#what a season ender #boobear

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katyspersonal · 1 year ago

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I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:

But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd

But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?

Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.

But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..

#personal #mental health #mental illness #not gonna lie guys paranoia is a really hard thing to seek help with #because yes if you are wondering it can get as bad as me believing that people who try to help are 'enemies'#like i can't even describe how REAL even the worst assumptions feel #i suppose i am having a small window of 'sanity' because early fall always cheers me up #i am describing this sort of thing more vaguely since you need to be at least lvl 5 friend to unlock the details fsjd #but i think it is pretty clear especially if anybody here has/had similar problems #at least if i crawl from the current debt pit i know where to put money that come above the bare minimum line lol

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napolonio · 2 years ago

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you said that everyday, you're goal is to secuce yourself. you talked about how you love yourself and are your own best friend. i'd love to know how you're doing that, and if you could talk more about your self-love journey/process?

Hi 💕

I'll try :))

Have you seen how we treat a love interest? Personally I go out of my way to show them my love, I listen to them, I care for them, I engage with them, I become some sort of cheerleader for them, I am the kindest and softest creature when I'm in love. And I realized how much I was hurting myself because I was not doing any of this for myself. I could see how the men I liked prioritized other things over me, and I would be there priotizing them. Unconditionally. And also abandoning myself, shaping myself to their like, hiding anything I'd think they'd dislike, shutting myself so I wouldn't be too annoying to them, never expressing my needs because only theirs were important, never showing my true self because I might be too raw and too weird.

Naturally, I got tired of all of this. My relationships were a mess. I was never genuine. I was resented and tired because I never received anything in return. And that's when something hit me, and I realized it was my own love that I was craving all the time. I thought that by doing too much for others, they could return it and make me feel loved. I made others responsible for me and resented them for not doing what I was expecting in return. It was me that I wanted all along. So, I quite literally started pursuing myself. The things that I wished to be told by my love interests, I said them to myself out loud and I noticed I didn't believe in them. I hated myself and I couldn't dedicate a second of the day to me, yet I expected guys to do it for me. To leave everything for me, when really not even I could do the bare minimum for me.

So yeah, I started journaling, basically having conversations with me. Treating me like I'd treat my friends (I consider myself a very good friend soooo) with so much kindness and so much love. I started loving every bit. I stopped feeling ashamed and started owning my shadow. I started speaking more and saying what I believed in without worrying about being judged. I started to support me, to ask myself "what do I want? What would make me feel good? What movie do I want to watch? Did I eat properly today? Did I drink enough water?" Instead of wondering what people thought of me, I intentionally thought lovely things about myself.

To be honest. Neglecting myself for years, made this a bit difficult at the beginning. I did not believe in my affirmations and it felt ridiculous. I could feel physical pain in my chest, throat and in my abdominal area and I cried several times while saying loving things to myself during the first days, because:

I did not believe them and I had so much resistance.

I was sad to see how shitty I had been all this years to myself.

But every day it gets easier.

Recently, aside from journaling, I've been doing mirror work. Standing infront of the mirror and repeating affirmations. Sometimes I just stand there and contemplate myself. Even when I don't like what I see, I'm still kind and I say to myself "I want to love this, I am willing to love every bit of you".

A fun fact: I had posture problems due to bad self esteem and also had a peculiar way of walking because I was ashamed to be seen in public 🙂 now I have intentionally started to feel my steps as I walk and to repeat lovely things in my head. I have noticed how naturally I have started to own my space and how now I even have a very sexy walk tbh, I can feel my body as I walk and I feel so good about myself, I can even feel how my back feels so stretched and how my chin is always up.

Another fun fact is that now every time in public people compliment me, like I'm literally complimented and spoiled every day, lol. My friends buy me things, random people come to me just to tell me they think I'm beautiful, more people want to befriend me, people help me do stuff. I feel like a disney princess because the other day even a little girl approached me just to hug me and say hi to me out of nowhere and my heart melted. Those moments, I always frame them in my head and intensify them, to always remember that there is so much kindness from others to me and I'm so thankful for it.

I obviously still have my days where I'm confused or sad. But I have a knowing underneath that sadness, that I'll do good. That things will fall into place and that I'll continue to bloom beautifully.

Now I feel more comfortable giving my love to others. I am not expecting them to return it, I am no longer needing them to do so. I can genuinely love. And I can allow love into my life.

And yes, every day my ultimate goal is to pursue myself, to be so romantic to myself that I fall deeply in love, lol. Like I said before, I am literally treating myself as if I was my love interest. I do silly things like writing lovely notes to me because I know how excited I get, recording voice notes telling something that I'm excited about just to hear myself, I organize my space so that it is ideal for me to feel good, I do things on time so that I don't get stressed, I bake myself heart shaped cookies because I know I love them, I plan a Ghibli movie marathon because I know they're my fave, etc, etc.

Anything that involves my wellbeing, I do it because that's what I'd do for my love interest. Everything that I want, I give to myself. And I always remind myself that I can take up space, I can speak my truth, and that I am safe.

We are here in this life to expand, to have fun, to love.

Hope this was readable and not too long 🫶

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protagonistheavy · 2 years ago

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I cant stress enough how annoying the OW2 PvE shit is. It's a kind of incompetency from a production standpoint that I just cant stand -- it's outright deceptive marketing, telling people for YEARS to get hyped for all this PvE content, only to pull it out from under the userbase's feet.

It was THE thing that a sequel was sold on. That whole animated cinematic with the giant robot and showing off new abilities and getting Overwatch together. Just a total waste of time now, huh.

It's fucking skill trees, too. Was that really too fucking complicated for them to handle? They couldnt just make a web of abilities and bonuses and let you have fun with them, they couldnt figure out how to do that in time. I mean seriously, it's SKILL TREES, every fucking video game has them, it's such a simple thing and Blizzard finds a way to make its users feel like fucking idiots for even wanting/expecting that much.

It sucks for me especially because for the past month I've been brainrotting about what PvE would look like. I was amped imagining all the skill tree combinations, the new mechanics, the possibility of a weapon system to totally change how heroes might play, the gameplay in which you'd get materials to craft upgrades, various items you'd find or bring along on missions... Of course, we get none of that, we get nothing. We get more Archives bullshit, just more linear straightforward missions of horde killing with a few elites.

I just look back and know now that I was silly to think we were getting a good product even at SOME point. How naive I was to not realize how the PvP content and battlepass clearly had all the attention/budget, leaving no time or energy for PvE. I mean lmao, stupid me, for thinking Blizzard could incorporate skill trees, when they showed it off in gameplay trailers and footage as totally functioning. Stupid me for not thinking "oh obviously theyre just gonna scrap this whole aspect of the game."

Disappointment doesnt even begin to describe how I feel. This is just plainly tragic at this point. The dreams back from Overwatch 2016 are just gone now lol. Such a great game with so much potential, wasted. I really cannot imagine myself playing the game anymore at this rate, PvP was barely keeping my interest as a time-passer, but now that the shine has worn off, even that is just dull and uninteresting. I was waiting for PvE, really thought I'd be able to re-engage with the game if I knew that was coming out, but if it's just going to be the same Archives shit with, what, ooooh solo player missions? Yeah fuck off. I wanted real PvE! I wanted to maximize heroes and obtain new abilities and discover fun combos and feel like Im active in the story of Overwatch! But they can't do it! Blizzard just totally dropped that ball and it's taken them years to come out and admit it.

All in all, I just really want to know why Blizzard hates Overwatch's story so much. Why do they constantly keep compromising it. For the sake of PvP? Do they just constantly worry that if they stop making content for PvP for just a little bit, the whole game will die? They put millions of dollars into Overwatch League only for that to effectively capsize within two years, but the most they can do for Overwatch's lore is a few shitty kids books over the span of years? And all these resources they made -- they had a whole fucking demo for PvE content in 2019! All that, just gone? At best recycled for more Archives bullshit? Fuck! Why even ass around and pretend you HAVE a story? Why not just say fuck you a little louder and scrap ALL story content, clearly Blizzard doesn't want to even be engaging with story content so why keep tugging us along acting like one day we're gonna get it? Jesus fucking Christ. How can they do this to their own staff? Making them work on so much bullshit that gets flushed down a toilet. Why even bother. Why even make these people go through the effort of even thinking about story content when it's plainly something that's never gonna happen. Oh my fucking god.

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writingadvicesavingcometcon · 1 month ago

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These are great tips about dialogue.

The note at the end is definitely very important as well. The thing about writing advice I'd like everyone to remember is that it's meant to be used alongside the learning process, not as hard and fast rules that will automatically turn you into one of the historical greats. Also, different things apply to different areas. Stories are, ideally, living things that breathe and move organically in ways which do NOT play well with rigid ideas like the template approach I see too many people try to use because they think there's some kind of algorithm or recipe for writing like it's a hard science when it really isn't.

These things are GUIDELINES. And unfortunately, the only way you'll get them to work properly for you is by treating them as such and applying them loosely so you can see the difference, understand why they're like that, and then adapt it properly into your lexicon so you can organically utilise them as developing skills on every new project exactly where and when and how they're needed.

If I can add on: I cannot recommend learning stagecraft enough. Go to your local drama class if there is one and hopefully they'll still remember all these things and with any luck it won't have been left to rot while they adopt the capitalist cookie-cutter spoon-feeding audiences-are-stupid-and-need-everything-spelled-out-for-them-because-we-killed-media-literacy bullcrap we see in too many shows and films nowadays. I'm still learning these skills myself though I personally didn't learn them from reading a post like this. I learned them through observing the dialogue in existing well-written shows, film, and printed scripts, alongside performing them on stage to be taught and experience how to get it all working smoothly.

Also, to expand upon points 2 and 11 from my perspective:

I like to imagine we are peeking through a window into the characters' worlds.

They won't and should never be saying anything for the audience's benefit because we don't exist.

Now obviously at the meta level the whole show is in fact for the audience, but the main point I'm getting at is that - in my very strong (very sure I'm objectively correct lol) opinion - your characters should never feel or look or otherwise come across like they're mouthpieces for the writers to tell you information. The characters shouldn't act like they're having a scene to tell you shit even when they literally are, because within the world of the story they aren't. So the dialogue should reflect that.

Ask yourself one simple question:

Would this character say this thing, to themselves or to another character or whatever, if we weren't here on the other side of the screen to hear it?

This is, in my opinion, the biggest and most painful mistake new/inexperienced/underpaid/rushed writers make.

If a character/group of characters wouldn't need to explain it for someone within the world of their story, then they wouldn't explain it. **

And in those situations, you as the writer just have to learn visual storytelling, good editing skills, other types of clue-leaving in how you write natural interactions which ignore the audience's presence, and expect/trust the audience to have enough media literacy skills to put it all together into understanding what's going on without being spoon-fed like they're too busy watching tiktok or something to pay attention to the story. (And if they are, then they can put the phone down and pay attention or put the story down and stop wasting their own time barely half-engaging with something they clearly don't care enough about to engage with properly anyway.* People don't learn if they're never expected to.)

But that's a very complex skill which takes a lot of time and experience to build. I'm aiming for it and I hope with time and practice and experience I can be half as good as the writers I admire like the ones who wrote the script for the first season of Arcane: League of Legends (which was RIFE with skills taken directly from stagecraft, intentional or not).

*(Because there's always someone nowadays weaponising disabled people to argue for pushing laziness/exploitation/whatever else in art creation: If you're someone who does care about watching/reading stories but who also does need to have multiple things happening to engage with things, that's valid. My point is that the story should never be written with a focus on explaining things to you. If you can't watch/read a story because it's too difficult to focus on, then complain that the writing was bad because it didn't explain everything to you, that is genuinely your own problem to sort out and I say this as a neurodivergent person who hasn't been able to read most books in over a decade because my attention span for reading is shot to hell. That's not the writer's problem; it's mine. I would much rather they write a good, living narrative (and make it so I need to hold a stim toy in my hand or take breaks from and come back or - in the case of film and TV - pause to process and take breaks from and come back later, or any other type of managing skill) than dumb everything down for me and treat me like I'm an idiot just because I was struggling to focus for longer periods of time.

'Accessible' doesn't mean throw all basic storytelling skills out the window. ADHD/Autistic and other types of neurodiverse people like us have been engaging in media without it being spoon-fed to them just fine for as long as storytelling has existed. It's far more ableist to argue that we should destroy every creative art and new creation in existence to talk down to the audience just in case they're neurodivergent or something than it is to just expect they're smart enough to keep up or at least figure out ways of managing their needs on their end so they can enjoy the story.

Things like proper captions and considering different mediums to bring the story to life in better ways for people with different needs are accessibility. Telling story writers to butcher the writing itself because you think the audience will be too stupid to understand otherwise because they're disabled/have accessibility needs is not and is just plain shitty of a position to have.)

** Remember how I said writing advice rules are actually guidelines and you have to play with them to learn where and when and how they actually apply? Well, there are genuine exceptions to this piece of advice as well. But you're going to have to understand why it's like this first to learn what those exceptions are and how/when/where to apply them.

(One quick example are stories which actively break the fourth wall. Kids plays/educational programs/etc for younger children do this all the time as a way to pull more engagement from the audience because the majority of younger children do need constant stimuli and usually haven't developed the ability to passively engage with something that doesn't directly talk to them/act like they're there in some way.

But there are other exceptions too in adults' media which aren't just lazy writing because they're intentional with a specific reason for doing it outside of "we need to force feed as much information to our audience as possible in as few minutes as possible because we expect every single one of them to only be looking at the screen every few minutes for a few minutes at a time and if we don't tell them everything they'll be confused; fuck, how do we- ooh ok, have the characters talk like they never would specifically so we can spoon-feed the info to the audience. Phew. Done. Ok. Next scene!! Speedrun music, let's go!!!!"

There's a difference between intentional, well thought out fourth wall breaking vs "we don't have time for basic visual storytelling or any other non-direct-expositional storytelling techniques and we're expecting every single one of our audience to have lost media literacy skills and we're not going to risk an easy several billion dollars in box-office and merch sales expecting them to just... get better at it again if they want to engage with and understand our stories properly."

But you'll need to go out and look for and analyse and understand all these different types of storytelling and explore a bit yourself to get a grasp of all the amazing directions you can go with storycraft.)

Basically, go have conversations, watch how people talk, go learn stagecraft in some hopefully-good drama classes, and above all else, KEEP WRITING. KEEP PRACTICING. KEEP MAKING MISTAKES AND LEARNING AND ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE FLEXIBLE.

And one day, if you're really lucky, you'll hold the tiny little heartbeat of an organic, living story in your hands.

Things Real People Do in Dialogue (For Your Next Story)

Okay, let’s be real—dialogue can make or break a scene. You want your characters to sound natural, like actual humans talking, not robots reading a script. So, how do you write dialogue that feels real without it turning into a mess of awkward pauses and “ums”? Here’s a little cheat sheet of what real people actually do when they talk (and you can totally steal these for your next story):

1. People Interrupt Each Other All the Time In real conversations, nobody waits for the perfect moment to speak. We interrupt, cut each other off, and finish each other's sentences. Throw in some overlaps or interruptions in your dialogue to make it feel more dynamic and less like a rehearsed play.

2. They Don’t Always Say What They Mean Real people are masters of dodging. They’ll say one thing but mean something totally different (hello, passive-aggressive banter). Or they’ll just avoid the question entirely. Let your characters be vague, sarcastic, or just plain evasive sometimes—it makes their conversations feel more layered.

3. People Trail Off... We don’t always finish our sentences. Sometimes we just... stop talking because we assume the other person gets what we’re trying to say. Use that in your dialogue! Let a sentence trail off into nothing. It adds realism and shows the comfort (or awkwardness) between characters.

4. Repeating Words Is Normal In real life, people repeat words when they’re excited, nervous, or trying to make a point. It’s not a sign of bad writing—it’s how we talk. Let your characters get a little repetitive now and then. It adds a rhythm to their speech that feels more genuine.

5. Fillers Are Your Friends People say "um," "uh," "like," "you know," all the time. Not every character needs to sound polished or poetic. Sprinkle in some filler words where it makes sense, especially if the character is nervous or thinking on their feet.

6. Not Everyone Speaks in Complete Sentences Sometimes, people just throw out fragments instead of complete sentences, especially when emotions are high. Short, choppy dialogue can convey tension or excitement. Instead of saying “I really think we need to talk about this,” try “We need to talk. Now.”

7. Body Language Is Part of the Conversation Real people don’t just communicate with words; they use facial expressions, gestures, and body language. When your characters are talking, think about what they’re doing—are they fidgeting? Smiling? Crossing their arms? Those little actions can add a lot of subtext to the dialogue without needing extra words.

8. Awkward Silences Are Golden People don’t talk non-stop. Sometimes, they stop mid-conversation to think, or because things just got weird. Don’t be afraid to add a beat of awkward silence, a long pause, or a meaningful look between characters. It can say more than words.

9. People Talk Over Themselves When They're Nervous When we’re anxious, we tend to talk too fast, go back to rephrase what we just said, or add unnecessary details. If your character’s nervous, let them ramble a bit or correct themselves. It’s a great way to show their internal state through dialogue.

10. Inside Jokes and Shared History Real people have history. Sometimes they reference something that happened off-page, or they share an inside joke only they get. This makes your dialogue feel lived-in and shows that your characters have a life beyond the scene. Throw in a callback to something earlier, or a joke only two characters understand.

11. No One Explains Everything People leave stuff out. We assume the person we’re talking to knows what we’re talking about, so we skip over background details. Instead of having your character explain everything for the reader’s benefit, let some things go unsaid. It’ll feel more natural—and trust your reader to keep up!

12. Characters Have Different Voices Real people don’t all talk the same way. Your characters shouldn’t either! Pay attention to their unique quirks—does one character use slang? Does another speak more formally? Maybe someone’s always cutting people off while another is super polite. Give them different voices and patterns of speech so their dialogue feels authentic to them.

13. People Change the Subject In real life, conversations don’t always stay on track. People get sidetracked, jump to random topics, or avoid certain subjects altogether. If your characters are uncomfortable or trying to dodge a question, let them awkwardly change the subject or ramble to fill the space.

14. Reactions Aren’t Always Immediate People don’t always respond right away. They pause, they think, they hesitate. Sometimes they don’t know what to say, and that delay can speak volumes. Give your characters a moment to process before they respond—it’ll make the conversation feel more natural.

Important note: Please don’t use all of these tips in one dialogue at once.

#writing advice #dialogue

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jklovesfandoms · 2 years ago

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Okay, so we all know about the (in my opinion, disgusting) theory that Noel is catfishing Mischa, right?

Have you considered, this theory/story that is my personal favorite? Even if I made it myself, lol.

Mischa Bachinski and Natalia Bolinska are two 10 year old best friends. Mischa Bachinski, a child raised by his single, sickly mother, Tamara, makes a promise to his mother who's been by his side, no matter what the world has thrown at her, that she will see him get married one day. That she will not die before she gets to watch her son have the most gorgeous wedding ceremony.

He makes a deal with his best friend since before diapers, Natalia Muruska Bolinska. They will marry each other, to make sure that Tamara at least gets that in her life. That she gets one glimmer of hope before joining her husband, and Talia's mother, in the afterlife.

Natalia Muruska Bolinska never knew her mother, and has been raised by her poor father, and by Tamara. She would do anything to make Tamara, who is essentially her own mother, happy before she passes.

They know they're too young to get married, but before the time they can, Tamara changes Mischa's birth certificate, and he gets adopted. Mischa and Talia never get married, and Talia, across the sea, keeps her best friend and fiance in the know about his mother's condition. And how it's getting worse and worse by the day.

On opposite sides of the world, the two best friends and lovers save as much money as possible, since they still have a chance to get complete a long time promise.

The day before Mischa is punished by joining the choir, Tamara Bachinski passes away in her sleep. Talia breaks the news, and Mischa weeps for the loss of his mother. It may be his adopted brother's (his cousin's, as he was told to say) birthday, but the communion wine he steals isn't just to celebrate a birthday. It's to mourn a mother that he will never embrace again, and a promise he will never keep.

The next day, he is punished, by joining the choir, and his teary eyes fall upon Noel Gruber. And Mischa's grief-filled brain is finally broken by a moment of love, love that he's only felt for one other before, his beloved Talia. So that's who he talks about, he introduces himself to the choir, and introduces Talia, as if she is standing next to him, and not preparing a funeral for the only mother figure she's ever had.

After a month of pining, and feeling guilty about sharing his love between two, Mischa messages his love, not only to check in on the Ukrainian girl, but also to inform her of his discovered feelings.

'My love, there is a boy in my choir, and I'm afraid of how he's making me feel'

It takes Talia a while to respond, but she does.

'How is he making you feel?'

Mischa pauses. How can he tell his fiance about him having the same emotions for a man he met barely over a month ago, and for her? He simply rips off the bandaid.

'I fear that I am in love with him, but I feel as though I barely know him '

'That's okay, my dear. Why do you fear love? You hold much of it in your heart, so why are you holding yourself back from showing it?'

Mischa pauses. His fiance has always made him stop and think, rather than rushing in like he's always wanted to. Talia makes him pause, just like his mother did.

'Because, my love, I am engaged to you, I am saving money to move back to Ukraine and marry you, in honor of Tamara'

'I know you are. But your heart is more than big enough to love two, so why are you stopping yourself from it? I give you permission to show care, and passion, my love. Even if you don't need it from me. You need it from yourself'

Mischa almost weeps, for Talia was right. He didn't just need permission from her, but he needed permission from himself. The tears pouring down his face, while he is collapsed in on himself, on the floor of one of the cleanest men's restrooms in the Saint Cassian Catholic High School, are all the permission he needs. But he checks, for he never wishes to hurt his best friend.

'So, are you okay with me pursuing love with him?'

He didn't realize that he had been crying for 5 minutes without responding to his fiance.

'I am fine with it under two conditions. One, what is the name of the man who has gripped my love's heart as much as I have? Two, what does that man look like?'

Mischa quickly replies

'His name is Noel Gruber, and he has the one of the most angelic face I've ever seen, besides yours, and my mother's, of course. Give me a moment, I may be able to find a picture of him.'

It doesn't take long for Mischa to find a picture of Noel on the school's website. Considering there's not that many programs, and the Chamber Choir only had one singing low voice before Mischa joined, it wasn't difficult. And as soon as he finds it, he's quickly sending it to his fiance.

'Mischa...'

'Yes?'

'This Noel, is almost more gorgeous and handsome than you are'

And his fiance would never be more right. Noel Gruber is HOT, and that was clear.

'I am very aware of that, my darling'

'I approve of him. If you'd like to invite him into our relationship, I'd fully support, and I would love to talk to him, at some point'

Mischa was shocked. His fiance approved! She allowed! She wanted to talk to his crush!

'Thank you my love, I shall keep you informed, no matter what happens. But it's getting late'

It was very late in Ukraine.

'Goodnight my love, I shall message you again, when the sun graces my eyes.'

He reacted with a heart, and shut off his phone. He slowly realizes that he's been crying on the floor of a bathroom, in a school he hates, in a country he hates, for the past 24 minutes. Slowly, Mischa lifts himself from the floor, opens the door of the stall, and sees his dark red, teary eyes, staring back at him. He stutters towards the sinks, splashing himself with the coldest water the faucet can muster, trying to cool the redness on his face. Mischa Bachinski, in his long 30 minutes in the bathroom, builds a plan.

The next day, after a night of isolation in his adopted "parents" basement, Mischa walks into the choir room with a mission, and a plan.

He arrives before most anyone else does. Father Marcus (or as Mischa calls him, behind his hearing aid, Father Bitch) hasn't arrived, due to his old age and slow movement. In fact, the only other people there are Constance and Ocean. Mischa quickly grabs a chair to sit backwards on, and waits impatiently for Noel to arrive.

Finally, the clicks of crutches start clacking down the hallway to the choir room, and Mischa hopes that Noel is following beside them. Mischa's hopes quickly become fulfilled, when the angel that is Noel Gruber opens the door for Ricky.

"Ugh, I can't believe that I can't do that history project on France! It's picking a country and summarizing their history! I know French history!" Noel complains.

Mischa knows that project, due to having history much earlier in the day. He'll write about Ukraine, and how much Canada has destroyed his country.

"Noel! Angel, I am so sorry that you can't write about France. You'd write so beautifully"

Noel, was visibly shocked. The 'Ukrainian Badboy' who talked about nothing outside of how much he hated being here, and his fiance in Ukraine, was talking to him in a way that Noel has never heard before.

"Thank you, Mischa?"

Noel is extremely confused by Mischa's odd behavior. And Mischa is almost hurt by the questioning in Noel's voice.

Before either can even think of another thought, Father Marcus comes through the door, and forces the choir to start. Mischa continues trying to show his affection to Noel, despite often talking about his beloved fiance. Noel continues to be confused, and scared that Mischa is cheating on his fiance by the near aggressive flirting. Several months go by, and Talia gets many various messages from an increasingly frustrated Mischa.

'My love, I am approaching the third month of trying to capture Noel's attention, but I am not getting any closer! What am I doing wrong?'

In Ukraine, something finally clicks for Natalia.

'My darling, do you still mention me to the choir, and call me your fiance?'

'Why of course I do! You are my fiance, and one of the loves of my life! How could I not talk about you?'

And the final puzzle piece was placed.

'Have you told Noel that he is welcome to our relationship? That I am very fine, and happy that my beloved has more than enough love for multiple people? Perhaps he believes you are trying to cheat on me with him, so he feels uncomfortable acknowledging your attempts?'

And in Uranium City, Saskatchewan, Canada, a finished puzzle set is dumped onto a certain Ukrainian.

'oh. I don't think I did. That.... Would make sense'

'I figured something like that was happening.'

'I must inform him, thank you my love'

And out in Kiev, Ukraine, a young woman named Natalia, is smiling at the innocence that her fiance still holds.

The very next day, at the Saint Cassian Chamber Choir practice, Mischa pulls Noel outside during one of the short breaks that Father Marcus only gives to give himself a break from hearing.

"Noel, I'd like to apologize for the way I have been acting over the last 3 months. It was... Inappropriate, to say the least. I owe you an explanation."

Noel was shocked, finally Mischa would explain his weird behavior over the past several months of choir, and just in time for spring break of junior year.

"Yes! Thank you, I've been needing an explanation from you! You can't use me to cheat on your fiance!"

Mischa looks near ashamed at the mention.

"Speaking of my fiance, Talia. I have been asking her for advice over the last several months, and she gave me permission to ask you this."

Noel looks very nervous for the question he's about to be asked, and Mischa looks even more nervous to ask it.

"Noel Gruber, since the day I have set eyes on you, I felt emotions that I have only felt for one other before. I have asked that one, and she wishes for happiness and love to be spread, so will you allow me to take all the pain from your soul, and in the passion factory of my heart, transform it into functional joy, by becoming my boyfriend?"

"Mischa Bachinski.... Who knew you were such a romantic? I'd love to be your boyfriend! But I'd like to talk to your fiance. Make sure that she's okay with it still?"

Mischa is nearly overjoyed, leaping into a hug that looks as aggressive as a wild bear, but for Noel, is as sweet and soft as a teddy bear.

"Of course! Of course! Talia has been begging to meet you! Oh she's going to be overjoyed!"

Father Marcus forced apart their sweet moment, by calling the choir back together, but no one noticed the two boys in the back, holding hands with each other.

Anyways, that was very long, thank you for reading, lmao. (this was originally supposed to be like 5-10 sentences.... I think I went overboard) anyways, hope you enjoyed, and watch ride the cyclone!

#ride the cyclone #rtc #ride the cyclone musical #mischa rtc #mischa bachinski #mischa x noel #nischa #noel rtc #noel gruber #natalia muruska bolinska #talia rtc #mischa has two hands

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missmaywemeetagain · 2 years ago

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Pink Scarf - PART 8! (Elvis/Austin!Elvis x Reader)

Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Requested: kinda

(Read more here--Pink Scarf Series Masterlist!)

Prompt: You are part of Elvis Presley's coveted inner circle, and the currently-disgruntled wife of one of the members of Elvis' famous entourage, the Memphis Mafia. After Elvis' dynamite first performance in Vegas, you find yourself in deep water when his magnetism finally gets to you after all these years. [ Fem!Reader ]

TW: Mentions of sex. Nudity. Cussing. Infidelity. Historical inaccuracies in the Vegas timeline. Priscilla doesn't exist in this timeline.

Rating: PG-13 (ish?) (but other parts are very NSFW, 18+, so minors Do NOT Interact) || Word Count: 4994

A/N: Our Reader is feeling it, y'all! I am, too! Getting into the right headspace for this part was tricky for whatever reason, and it's a bit long, so thanks for your patience. I wanted to get a bit more backstory in there, so hopefully the flashback scene works well. And a little Young!Elvis doesn't hurt anyone, right? I also couldn't help myself and HAD to include the detail about his stutter because I just keep finding all these deliciously real and human parts of him that make him such a rich, full person/character, so forgive me my indulgence!

To all the babies, honeys, and lil' mamas supporting me out there, your reactions, reblogs, messages, asks, and comments mean the absolute WORLD to me. Finding out that some of y'all are liking it enough to be reading it MULTIPLE times blows my freakin' mind. Like whaat?! This story (and EP) has taken over my heart and soul, so for those of you still with me, and to all the newcomers, I'm sending you all the love! And I promise there's more good stuff coming ahead, complete with more smut, angst, and tension.

I did start cross-posting Pink Scarf to my long-neglected AO3 account (which some of you already discovered!), so if you are so inclined, you can check it out over there, though it's not all updated yet!

If you feel so moved, please let me know what you think or how you're feeling (or send me asks since now I know how they work lol)! I put everyone on the taglist who requested it, but please let me know if there are any issues.

I imagined this with Elvis in mind, but Austin!Elvis works here, too, whatever floats your boat!

Apologies in advance if there are any grammatical errors or TW that I didn't catch.

1957

“So, I hear you’re gonna make an honest man out of our Jacky Boy.”

You look up from your seated spot on the cool grass, Elvis’ tall frame lording over you in the dark of this humid midsummer night and you smile.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” you blush happily, playing with the small, simple diamond that now adorns the ring finger of your left hand. It’s not much, but it’s yours. You can barely stop staring at it, you are so excited.

Elvis folds himself down next to you on the lawn, his long limbs a little less lanky than they used to be. A couple of years of being well-fed after a lifetime of poverty has done him well. He looks good, albeit tired. Hollywood and fame have certainly made him more beautiful, his resting face now always looking like it’s ready for a close-up, but the lightness that used to surround him is a little heavier, a little darker now, like he has the world resting on his shoulders.

He turns his head to really look at you, taking you in. It’s a look that might’ve made you self-conscious at any other time, but it’s dark and you’re too distracted by your engagement ring to really notice. “You happy, doll?” he asks, but answers it himself, “You look happy.”

You can’t stop smiling. “Yes, I’m most certainly happy,” you reassure him.

“Good,” he nods as if this has satisfied him in some way. Then he leans back, laying down in the grass, and stares up at the stars. That look comes over him again, the heavy one. It worries you a little. He’s been gone so much lately, and things have been moving so quickly for him, you’ve barely had a moment to talk in what feels like forever.

“How ‘bout you, E, are you happy?” you ask quietly, looking down at him.

He is silent at first, and you almost don’t catch the sigh he lets out before speaking, “I ain’t got nothing to be unhappy about, baby. All my dreams are coming true.” He says it almost as though he’s trying to convince himself of it. He doesn’t look at you, instead focusing all his attention on the sky.

“You didn’t really answer the question,” you say gently.

He finally looks over at you, those big blue eyes of his exhausted, rimmed with dark circles. “It’s all been moving so fast, I barely got time to catch my breath. I’m constantly around people, but sometimes I feel so lonely, y/n…and Hollywood ain’t all it’s cracked up to b-be,” he says quickly, but in a whisper, as though he’s terrified to be overheard.

You open your mouth to speak, but he rushes to continue: “And I don’t w-w-wanna seem ungrateful or nothin’ b-b-b-because I-I-I am gettin’ to do what I love to do and I’m supportin’ my family and it makes lots of folks happy, and God’s b-b-blessed me with that…b-b-but so many people hate me, makin’ it their mission to misunderstand me and they don’t even know me.” He takes a deep shuddering breath, frustrated and trying to get the words out.

You know he’s emotional and tired because his stutter keeps getting in his way as he tries to speak. Most people don’t even know he has one because it doesn’t happen when he sings, and he sure as hell doesn’t let it stop him from doing what he wants to do, but you’ve heard it pop up now and again in conversation over the years, usually with nerves or when he’s “excited,” as he calls it. He told you how he thought he’d blown his initial screen test in Hollywood because of it, because he was so nervous that he couldn’t get the words to come out like he needed them to. Luckily, he said the director liked it and even said it made his acting seem more genuine. You find it endearing because it’s a very real part of him and his humanity, which you think is something much needed when the world is striving to make him a commodity. It still makes him a little self-conscious, though, so you don’t rush him or react, you just wait for him to continue.

“Sometimes I-I feel like I’m b-b-being pulled in a dozen different directions, all at o-once. I-I-I constantly feel like I’m tryin’ to prove myself. Sometimes it just gets to me, is all. So, to answer your question, yes, I am happy, but it sure comes with a price,” he pauses. “I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t’ve unloaded on you like that, today of all days,” he says, eyes now downcast and concerned.

“Don’t you feel sorry. I asked, and I’m glad you answered me truthfully. Seems like you needed to get that off your chest,” you say kindly, with a small smile. You hate to see him so weighed down. But you are pleased and surprised by him being so vulnerable with you. It makes you feel like you’ve got your friend back.

“You won’t go tellin’ no one, will ‘ya? Not even Jack,” he pleads, looking at you wide-eyed.

“Of course not, Elvis. I swear it,” you say seriously. You wouldn’t dream of betraying his trust.

He nods, relieved, and looks back up at the stars.

“I’m real proud of you, E, all of us are. It takes a special person to do what you do with the grace you do it with. God knows I couldn’t do it,” you say, suddenly feeling a little shy.

Elvis looks at you with surprise. “Thanks, y/n, that means a lot comin’ from you,” he says and the way his pretty eyes search your face sends a strange feeling through your body.

You don’t know what to say to that, so silence sits heavy, but not uncomfortably, between you.

Playing with your engagement ring, knees pulled into your chest, you look into the night sky.

“How’d ya know? That Jack’s the one?” he suddenly asks, out of nowhere.

The question both surprises and delights you. “Hmmm, well, let’s see,” you ponder. “He’s there when I need him. He makes me feel special, like the only girl in the world. I know he’ll always take care of me. He is mine and I am his. Sometimes I almost feel like we were made for each other, ya’ know, like we were meant to be,” you rattle off. “That may seem silly and saccharine and hopelessly romantic, but it’s true. So, I suppose that’s how I know I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him,” you say, a giddy excitement running through you.

Elvis is quiet, his face unreadable. You’re not sure why, but you feel like you’ve said something to upset him.

“Why? You got a special girl or three, Mr. Presley?” you ask, in a faux-reporter voice, holding a pretend mic to his mouth to try and lighten the mood.

“Ha!” he scoffs with a laugh and a roll of his eyes.

“Oh, it must be so hard for you, to have thousands of beautiful girls to choose from, all clamoring for a piece of you,” you tease. You know he is dating quite a bit because he brings some of them home, whether from Hollywood or somewhere on the road. He always seems to be falling hard and fast for a new girl, but they never seem to last.

“No, there’s no one special I’m datin’,” he says, sitting up, intently playing with a blade of grass. “I mean, I’m seein’ lots of nice girls, great girls, even. It’s just…none of them’s the one.”

You are a little taken aback by his honest answer. “Well, you can’t force it, E. You’ll know when it’s right,” you say, patting his hand.

Elvis looks down sharply at your hand on his, almost like it’s burned him. “Yeah, I reckon I will,” he says, looking back up at you, his face unreadable once more. He’s gotten too good at that in Hollywood, you think, shutting the vulnerable parts of himself off from an untrustworthy world.

For the second time this night, silence hangs over you. This time it feels charged, but by what you do not know. You can’t figure out what’s going on with him.

“You gettin’ enough sleep, E?” His moodiness has always been worse when he’s tired.

“Oh, you know me, doll. I was barely sleeping before all this and now I sleep even less,” he replies. “There’s too much to do and I got all this-this crazy energy, ya know?” He wiggles his limbs, exaggerating. You can’t help but laugh.

But your laughter dies out quickly. “Seriously, Elvis, promise me you’ll at least try to get some rest while you’re home. It worries me to think you’re running yourself ragged.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything, as if he doesn’t want to make a promise he can’t keep. Instead, he abruptly changes the subject.

“C-c-congratulations, y/n. Jack’s a lucky guy and I-I’m glad you’re happy. You—you both—deserve all the happiness,” Elvis says, his gaze kind but guarded. Then, unexpectedly, he leans over and presses his lips softly to your cheek. They are warm and plush against your skin, lingering there for just a moment too long. Your breath catches and you can feel heat blossom through your body and into your cheeks in a way that surprises you.

Then, just like that, he pulls away, getting up and brushing himself off, like nothing happened. He holds his hand out to you to help you up off the ground. “We should get back,” he says.

You blink rapidly, trying to process the last few moments. You are glad the darkness hides the red on your cheeks. Elvis seems unaffected, so you take his hand and let him help you up. You chalk whatever strangeness that has happened up to Elvis being exhausted, pushing whatever silly, fleeting thoughts you have far, far away.

The long-buried memory hits you hard as you stand at the door to Elvis’ bedroom, poised to knock. You’ve spent all night in anticipation of this moment, excited and nervous about whatever comes next, but this memory shakes you, knocking something loose in your brain. Something you had forgotten until just now.

You are trying to grasp it, the thing that is niggling at the corners of your mind, but before you can lock on to whatever it is, the door swings open, startling you. You didn’t remember knocking—it’s like Elvis just knew you were there.

And immediately everything else is forgotten because the tantalizing smell of him wafts over you, and your heart starts to pitter patter in your chest because he’s just so beautiful, and the brilliance of his light blue, dark-rimmed eyes nearly knocks you over.

Elvis pulls you in to the room quickly, trying to avoid any possible prying eyes, shutting the door quietly. The light is much dimmer in here and it’s silent, save for the sound of your breathing. He is so, so close, his eyes travelling over your body approvingly. His eyes ignite flames within you wherever they linger.

“I knew you’d be a showstopper in this, baby. And the tan is a nice touch,” he says, smiling coyly, running a finger down your bare arm, sending a shiver down your spine.

Words get lost in your throat because all you know is that you need him. So instead of words, you grasp his face and kiss him as if your life depends on it. You sense his surprise at your boldness in the way he tenses at first, but it takes only a second before his arms wrap around you, and those soft, pliant lips open to yours.

But the butterflies happening in your stomach now are different than the heat you’ve experienced when kissing him before and that surprises you. Scares you, even, because the heat and the sex make a certain kind of sense. It’s biological, you think, natural to be drawn to him. Everyone is drawn to him. What you’ve already shared physically, what he is teaching you about pleasure, is addicting—you want more. Of course, you do. But what’s happening to you now is more than that, as much as you want to push it away and deny it.

You pull back from him slowly, his lips chasing yours with another gentle kiss. Your eyes raise, meeting the endless blue of his, and you are caught there, drowning, as you try to understand the man he is now. You can’t help but think that these are the same eyes that looked upon you on the lawn of Graceland so many years ago. Reconciling that Elvis with this Elvis feels so utterly strange. So much life has happened between then and now, yet under it all, you can still see that sensitive young man, striving and eager for everything life has to offer.

“Well, hello to you, too, honey,” he says softly, searching your face, trying to gauge what is going on with you.

“Hi,” you breathe out, “I missed you.” It just falls out of your mouth, a truth you aren’t sure you should reveal, but it’s too late now. It feels silly—you saw him less than 24 hours ago, but it feels like a lifetime.

This pleases him, his mouth turning up in a small smile. “I missed you, too,” he replies, giving you another soft kiss.

This invokes your own smile, a shy one. Your stomach continues to flutter like a schoolgirl’s.

He pulls you into the room, your hand small in his, the Vegas skyline bright outside the huge windows. To think, just a few nights ago, you stood in this very spot, furious and ripping him a new one for ruining your life. Feels like a million years ago now.

Elvis is barefoot, wearing a set of satiny deep blue pajamas, which somehow, even though they are sleepwear, still flatter him. You suddenly feel quite overdressed. You’re not sure what he has in store for you because his countenance doesn’t quite match the sexual fire from when he dominated you on the couch and sent you to the stars last night, but he is somehow no less intense.

His fingers brush through the pink fringe of your top, feathering over the bare skin of your back as he moves around you to a box on top of the piano. Curious, you move with him, stopping as he lifts out a slip of a nightgown that matches his pajamas exactly. Your eyebrow quirks.

Setting it back down, he glides towards you, wrapping his arms around your back. “Let’s get you more comfortable,” he says, unzipping your top slowly, removing it, throwing it to the side. You shiver under his gaze, exposed in the lacy petal pink bra he bought you. He looks delighted that you are wearing it, though his gaze is still light and controlled, even though he is undressing you.

“Shoes,” he tuts, and you slip out of your heels, kicking them to the side. Your eagerness builds, the fluttering in your stomach wild and catching fire, but you let him guide you, as he seems wont to do.

He reaches around and unzips your skirt, pulling it gently over your hips and it falls in a heap at your feet. He hums and looks over you approvingly in your matching underwear, and the look alone has you weak in the knees. It’s criminal how handsome he is and what it does to you. Based on your previous encounters, you half expect him to take you right there, but he makes no move to do so. Your breath is shallow, your body on alert, waiting on pins and needles.

Next, moves in close, his fingers brushing up your spine. A shudder courses through you. He unhooks your bra, sliding it off you and placing it on top of the piano. You think for sure he will now devour you, but he waits.

“Fuckin’ gorgeous,” Elvis whispers, taking in your figure and you suddenly feel shy under his adoring gaze. You resist the urge to cover yourself, your nipples standing at attention in the cool air. He doesn’t touch you (you desperately want him to), though you can see by the smoldering in his eyes he wants to, too. Instead, he hands you the nightie. “Put it on,” he requests, and while you are confused, you do as he asks. The expensive, silky softness drapes over you, hanging perfectly off your frame.

Nodding as though some requirement that is unknown to you has been fulfilled, he pulls you into him, kissing your forehead. His embrace is warm and comforting against the cold of the air conditioning and you wind your arms around his neck, fingers weaving into his fine hair. While there is heat growing in your belly for him, it is like glowing embers rather than an engulfing flame.

This feels different. And then you realize, it all feels so domestic.

The thought is jarring, yet not unwanted. You had assumed (rightly so) that he wanted you here so you could fuck all night long. But this, this is a decidedly different vibe to your uninterrupted night together. And while you are a bit confused and surprised by it, you are curious.

“Elvis,” you say quietly, without expectation, “what is this?”

A boyish grin spreads across his face, reminding you of the memory that blindsided you before, the one you still need to dissect. “I want all of you, not just a part of you,” he says, nuzzling your nose with his. It sends tingles down your arms. You’re not quite sure exactly what it means, but you get the gist that he wants more than sex from you and that is surprising.

Is it, though?

He pulls you up and onto the huge bed with him. You lean back against the pillows, the ornate headboard, and he turns to you, brushing flyaway hairs off your face. His crystalline eyes have an openness you haven’t seen in a long time, as though all the glitz and glamour of “Elvis” is stripped away and it’s truly just the man here in front of you.

“How was your day?” he asks.

It’s such a simple question, yet the fact that he asks it of you almost has you in tears. Perhaps it’s because until this moment you haven’t realized that it feels like no one has asked you that, or truly cared to, in a very long time. And the fact that it is coming from him, of all people, makes your heart simultaneously break and leap at the same time.

You clear your throat, pushing the emotion away. “I…uh, well, I went to the pool with Sandy. Hence the tan. She happened to be in the room when your gift arrived, though, so that was interesting to try and explain,” you say.

“And what did you tell her?” he asks, resting his head on his hand, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. You are distracted by them and almost forget what he asked.

“Um, I basically told her I couldn’t tell her anything. How could I? I mean, we haven’t really talked about…” you motion between you two, “us, this. I couldn’t very well talk to her about it before I talked to you.”

He smiles that crooked smile of his, the one that melts your heart. “And how did she take that?”

“Oh, she was disappointed but didn’t pry. As soon as she saw the underwear, though, she’s made it her mission to figure out who the mystery man is. She’s been my shadow all night. It’s gonna be hard to keep this from her for very long,” you say dismally.

He laughs. “You can tell her, honey,” he says.

This floors you. “What? But aren’t you afraid…I mean...?” you worry.

Elvis puts his hand on your cheek. “Baby, I wanna keep seein’ you, and I think you wanna keep seein’ me.” The way he says it sends warmth radiating through your chest. But that warmth is quickly chased by cold, pragmatic fear.

He continues, “And I know she’s your best friend and y’need someone y’can talk to. Jerry knows already, anyway. I’ll make sure she knows to be discreet.”

Your mouth opens then closes. To say you are flabbergasted by this response doesn’t quite describe what you are feeling. It’s a mixture of relief, surprise, elation, confusion, and terror, and what seems like a hundred other things, all at once.

If Sandy knows, it makes this all real. Too real. This was only supposed to be a one-time thing. A way to stick it to Jack. A way to take some power back. A way to quell the unbridled sexual tension that had grown between you and Elvis.

But now you feel wildly out of control. Mind-blowing sex with the ethereal man in front of you has morphed so quickly into a passion you didn’t expect that you feel like the air has been knocked from your lungs. The more you think about it and the more you remember, no matter how much you are shoving it away, you know that this was never going to be a one-time thing for Elvis. He knew it, too. The fact that you are here right now, like this, is proof. And you are not sure if that makes you elated or angry. Maybe it’s both.

This is too dangerous. Go back to Memphis and forget this ever happened.

Maybe that would have worked two nights ago, but the thought of leaving him now fills you with more despair than the anxiety of staying.

What happens if this all blows up in our faces? Because you think it will. You can feel the pressure building even now, though you aren’t sure to what end.

Elvis seems so utterly calm, so sure. You don’t know if this is because he lives in a world so above everyone that everything seems possible, like a strange naivety, or if he is just an optimist, but either way, you don’t know how to respond. You know you have to say something, though, because of the way he is looking at you, his eyes expectant and watchful.

“How? How are we gonna keep seeing each other, E? I go home tomorrow. And what about Jack?” you say in a whisper, all your emotions caving in on you at once. Tears spring to your eyes, which is not at all what you want or expect, and you are mad at yourself for ruining the mood.

“Hey, hey now, darlin’,” Elvis says with concern, sitting up and taking your face in his hands. “Don’t cry, baby, don’t cry. I got it all figured out. I’ll take care of you, honey,” he reassures you. He kisses your tears as they fall down your cheeks, his lips soft and warm.

Then, unexpectedly, he leans over and presses his lips softly to your cheek. They are warm and plush against your skin, lingering there for just a moment too long.

The memory flashes back to you, startling you as the past and present meld together.

He kissed you then much like he’s kissing you now. You pull back and look at him with wide eyes.

“Baby, y’look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?” he asks, eyes searching your face.

So many seeds have taken root, blossoming in your mind. (Or maybe they’ve always been fully bloomed, and I just never saw them.) You shake your head. Your heart is beating too fast. This isn’t the time to dive into this.

But when? you wonder.

How long has he…?

No, absolutely not. You won’t let yourself go there, you can’t, not now, not when he’s looking at you like this.

“I’m sorry, E, I just got caught off guard and got overwhelmed,” you finally respond, wiping your cheeks. “You—you said you have it all figured out?”

Throwing it back to him is the right call because now he’s excited. “You’re stayin’ in Vegas, honey.” He says it so matter-of-factly that you want to believe him, but you don’t understand.

Your heart drops into your stomach, as if you are plummeting down a roller coaster, the feeling where fear and excitement meet. “Elvis, you’re not making any sense. If I stay in Vegas, Jack is gonna want to know why, and I certainly can’t say I’m here for you. And I’m pretty sure Jack doesn’t particularly want me here, anyways,” you say with distain.

“Jack’s got his fuckin’ head wedged so far up his ass, he can’t see straight,” Elvis says, blatantly annoyed. “Don’t you worry ‘bout him.”

Don’t worry about him? He’s my husband! You almost say it, then think better of it, not wanting to get into that right now. Plus, you are curious as to this solution Elvis has miraculously come up with.

“Baby, remember the other night when you’s was tellin’ me you’re unhappy, that you don’t know where you belong, what your purpose is?” he says, practically bouncing.

You nod. How could you forget? That’s what started this all in the first place.

“Well, I figured it out. You belong here, with me, with us,” he says, beaming, taking your hand in both of his. You can feel him vibrating with energy.

“Wait, what…? Us? Who’s us?” you say, utterly confused.

“Us, the show. We’ve been talkin’ about needin’ someone to sing the high voice parts, along with the Sweet Inspirations. And it just came to me, after you were singin’ in the shower. It’s you. Of course, it’s you. Now you have a reason to stay. We get to be together, and the show will have a new member. It’s perfect.” His excitement is palpable, he’s nearly glowing with it.

Oh, this man is outta his goddamned mind. You shake your head, shock and fear like ice in your veins. “Elvis, do you not remember me telling you how terrified I am of singing in front of people? I could barely sing in front of you without having a meltdown!” you practically shriek, dousing his elation.

“Hey, there’ll be none of that!” Elvis raises his voice at you, eyes darkening. It’s not a yell, but it’s stern as hell, and you realize that Elvis probably doesn’t like having his “good idea” shot down before it’s barely out of his mouth. His change in demeanor shakes you enough to calm down a little. You know him well enough to know his mood can change on a dime, and you don’t think you can handle that on top of your own panic right now. You force yourself to take a long, deep breath.

“I’m not sayin’ you’re gettin’ up on stage with me tomorrow, honey, but I am sayin’ that maybe you need a little trainin’ to prepare you for the possibility that it could happen. And that trainin’ needs to happen here, in Vegas, with a vocal coach I already got comin’ in,” he explains more gently.

You are starting to understand what he’s getting at, and your fear abates a little. He’s not saying you’re joining the band (yet), but if you are training for it, whether it happens or not, you have a reason to stay.

“Now, I know you love music, baby, I know it in my bones cuz I see it in you, always have, plain as day. Maybe this is that purpose you’ve been lookin’ for. It’s kismet, I’m tellin’ you, honey, all this happenin’, here at once. You and me. Us needin’ another singer. Even Jack bein’ a dipshit. Can’t you see, baby? It’s meant to be,” he says fervently, holding onto your shoulders, his eyes wild with passion. He’s so enthusiastic, it’s hard to not be swept up with him.

It's meant to be…

You nod, letting him pull you along down this road. You do love music. You have been searching for something, a purpose. And you’d get to be here with him, not thousands of miles away, being sad and lonely in Memphis. What do you have to lose?

A lot, a voice counters. This is a bad idea.

You quash that voice, wanting to believe in this as much as Elvis does. As scared as you are of how out of control he makes you feel, how your feelings for him (and his for you) terrify you, you know that the stifling sadness of your old routine is slowly draining the life out of you.

If nothing else, Elvis makes you feel alive.

“Okay,” you whisper.

Elvis beams. “Really? Okay?” he asks.

“Okay, I’ll try it. I’ll work with your coach. But I can’t promise I’ll be any good or even be able to get up there,” you add pointedly.

You have to give him credit, though, because the more you think about it, the more genius the idea becomes. It could actually work in terms of your relationship, whatever it may be. But more importantly, the thought of doing something with music, something outside yourself, is enticing.

“That’s okay, we’ll just take it one step atta time,” he says, ecstatic. He grabs your cheeks and kisses you. “I just want you to be happy, baby. I wanna make you happy.”

God, he says it with such fervor, such sincerity, that you can’t help but be enveloped in it with him. The fact that anyone out there has your happiness at the forefront of their mind is amazing to you, much less it being Elvis Presley. And he seems to believe in you in a way you haven’t even believed in yourself in a very long time.

And that does make you happy.

Even if it scares the hell out of you.

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567 notes · View notes

tf2-simps · 2 years ago

Note

I humbly request headcannons for the mercs with merc!reader (whom they have a crush on) getting a little jealous seeing reader being playful with another merc lol

I wrote this in my notes app while I was away so I don’t know if the formatting turned out okay because its mostly copy and pasted so sorru if it looks a little.. off fndmsndk😅

Playful can be taken in.several ways, so I wrote it as if reader had been just hanging out and acting extra close to someone else :)

I myself in all honesty, have some issues with insecurities and getting overly jealous so a lot of this was (once again) me projecting onto the characters fnnfnddkndsj I hope you enjoy!!

-gender neutral reader

Scout

He’s not insecure! He’s not jealous! You’re your own person you can do whatever you want

He is a little jealous but he feels guilty as hell admitting it

He would never dare speak up about his jealousy though, unless under very specific conditions to a very specific person, but you wouldn’t hear about his jealousy from himself

He goes off and leaves, tries to get his mind off of it and distract himself from the intrusive thoughts. He’s overthinkin it and can’t let his fear get the best of him

Soldier

He hardly even know what he’s feeling because when has he ever had a reason to feel jealousy? He doesn’t know how to name his emotion

Probably storms off to Medic and demands an explination and digs himself deeper into denial that Medic would dare suggests he’s jealous

He will sulk. He’ll deny it but he doesn’t hide it. You have friends and he has friends he shouldn’t worry about what you do with those friends!

He either disapears off the face of the Earth or he throws himself into whatever you and the other merc are doing. He hardly knows what he’s feeling, you really think he knows how to handle it?

Pyro

Pyro feels and wants to do everything completely irrational and that you shouldn’t do when you are jealous and just barely stops from doing it

Pyro wants whats best for you and its not like you two are kissing so Pyro tries to suck it up. Pyro will completely play it off and will ask some engaging questions like “what did yall do? How did it go?”

Pyro has to ask Engineer to physically restrain Pyro for the sake of everything not going up in flames

Pyro is about to have a villain arc at this point. Guilt and jealousy? Thats like the perfect emotions to have a villain arc. Pyro will only bring it up once or twice and then never speaks of it again

Demoman

Probably the most reasonable out of how he acts on the jealousy. He gives you two space and tries not to stalk yall and wait for something bad to happen. You two are just friends anyways..

Depends on what extent it goes to it might actually throw him into his breaking point and he confesses his feelings for you

He wants to better himself. He doesn’t know how to do it but he wants to tame his feelings for the sake of being a proper friend and hopefully romantic partner to you

He will never bring it up with you because he doesn’t want you to feel bad for something you didn’t cause, but he does confide in his other buddies to help him out a bit

Heavy

Heavy actually surprises himself with this! Jealousy and/or envy is not something he is used to really ever feeling so he is unsure how to name what he is feeling

When he first realizes what it is he immediately digs into himself to try and figure out what is causing it and tries to shut it down as quickly as he can

He doesn’t know exactly how to handle it, but sometimes some thoughts aren’t worth putting any meaning behind so he goes to do something else to take his mind off of his concern

He will probably subtly ask you if you have any romantic feelings for anyone and if you say that you do he will be a bit curious about who, but he won’t pry on it too long

Engineer

Yikkessss.. when he feels the jealousy he makes an audible complaint about it. Not really words but just a bit of a grumble

He has a lot more trouble getting his mind off of it. He will go and tinker with his machines and play on his guitar, but it takes something that really requires all his focus to distract him

When he goes around you he feels a twinge upset and hides it fairly well, too

It takes him a while to get over it in all honesty. Its not easy or a quick process for him. He wont ever bring it up unless you two become a romantic relationship

Medic

He considers..many options before coming to a more reasonable conclusion

He doesnt want to hurt you and he supppooosseeessss he doesnt want to hurt someone you care about and if you REALLYY care about this person then it can probbbaly slide

He pulls away from you and gets super invested into his work. If you come into his lab during the process you��ll probably catch him trying to recreate frankinstieins monster

He tries running from his emotions and pretending like he feels nothing. He might grow a bit distant for a moment and this might happen a few times before he realizes he needs to get some better coping ideas

Sniper

Reacts just about any other way when he feels emotions, like they weren’t even there to begin with

He doesn’t want to let his emotions get involved in his work, he wants to keep those two seperate things and since its here at work, he feels nothing about it

He stuffs his feelings down with a cork and just completely neglect it. It either unravels and he gets overwhelmed with so many other emotions and is let out in a meltdown or a private break down catches up to him

Don’t directly confront him if you notice it. If you directly confront him about it he dashes right for the nearest exit whether its a door or window. If you want him to get it out you’re gonna have to have someone else approach him

Spy

Him? Jealous? What does he have to be jealous about? He has everything that you could want and its not like you’re going to find someone that has something better that he could not give you! ..right?

Fake it till you make it. He is never going to show anything to anyone and good luck ever even hearing about it. Most noticeable thing he will do is an eye twitch and thats it

He has some pritate pep-talks with himself and he does all the tricks in the book he knows but he forgets that he actually needs time to let his emotions exist and process

He slightly looses his mind over it and beats himself up over it a little bit and it starts to drive him up a wall. Surprisingly he actually takes the longest to get over it so careful when you two do get into a romantic relationship. Last thing he wants to do is be hurtful or controlling towards you but it eats him up inside

#tf2 x reader #team fortress 2 x reader

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