#beating that fuck ass man with hammers. HATRED

[gk-clips]

s2ep9

[yuujism]

a curse like you (ryōmen sukuna x reader)

REQUEST:  Hello! I really love ur sukuna fics and i was wondering if i can request a yuuji/sukuna x fem reader where mc is a curse that sukuna knew from many years ago?? Can be fluff, smut or angst. Up to you 😁 thank you so much!! 🤗

| PAIRINGS:  ryomen sukuna x fem!reader

| WARNINGS: little suggestive but nothing bad, grammar errors

| WORD COUNT: 1,653

A/N: i focused this more on sukuna idk  if that’s ok with you !! if not you can send me a message or reqeust and tell me what did you expect so i can change it if i can😭!! anyway i like yearning and ex lovers to lovers prompts so uhh yea 😳 might even write this better with yuuji being more involved and more things happening lmfaosh !! i hope you enjoy!!  ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

Sukuna was bored out of his mind.

These situations were becoming more recurrent now that the brat that called himself his vessel started becoming stronger and getting the hang of the use of cursed energy.

He could hear everything that happened during the fight: the swearing, the sound of flesh splitting open, blood splashing and some motivational speech every now and then.

This was all a routine for the King of Curses now.

When he felt the light in his flesh for the first time in thousands of years, he swore he would never feel something like that again. It wasn’t anything that deemed itself meaningful, but after centuries of not having contact with anything at all, that moment felt like pure ectasis. He didn’t really count with having to spend most of the time inside of a brat after that.

It was all boring now. Boring, boring, boring. 

“Sorcerers come pretty green now, don’t they?” 

Oh? 

He lifted his head way too quickly, almost giving himself whiplash even if it was impossible. 

That voice. Sukuna knew that voice well. Very well if he said so himself. 

This was the voice that would call him a King in a mocking tone, as if it was calling him the King of idiots instead of the King of Curses. The same voice that refused to let out the sound of his name, too proud and stuck up but whenever they were alone, feeling each other, it would slip out every now and then. A voice that would let out the sweetest pleads and moans whenever he would let his hands travel around that body. And it became the last thing he heard before he was cut into pieces and retained by sorcerers for decades, sinking into the darkness. 

And now, the owner of the voice, who he thought was dead, was standing there, in front of his vessel, with the biggest smirk on her face.

Y/N. The proclaimed queen of curses.

And Sukuna’s... ex.

Sukuna felt Itadori freeze in place, looking directly at you with fear filling his body. The curse couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Even after thousands of years, your power was way too intimidating and immaculate Sorcerers of the old age would even avoid saying Y/N’s name in fear of summoning her, knowing damn well she wouldn’t hesitate to kill them for making bad use of her title. 

They could feel it. They knew you weren’t just a cursed spirit. You could talk and appeared out of nowhere without even making your presence known. You were probably at the same level as Sukuna. Or Sukuna was at the same level as you.

He really thought you were killed after he was captured, only remembering your revengeful words towards the sorcerers who killed your lover. After that, and for obvious reasons, he never heard of you. Not even in this new era where sorcerers spawned one after the other, never mentioning your name or any hint that lead to your survival. So to see you in front of him, safe and sound and impactful as ever, Sukuna felt relief.

Y/N’s eyes landed on Yuji’s restless ones, as if she was staring at his soul. Which, basically, she did. Her gaze passed all the way through his barrier and soul, finally reaching what she was looking for: Sukuna’s own soul and eyes.

“Damn, King, is that you?” in a blink of an eye, you were right before Itadori’s face, too quick for him to even react and even too scared. “Shit, you’re pretty fucked now, huh? All trapped inside a bag of human flesh.”

Before the girl with the hammer could strike your body after snapping out of her trance, you limited yourself to press a finger in the sorcerer’s forehead, smiling almost sweetly before sending her body flying back with extreme force against the furthest wall of the space, knocking her out. 

“K-Kugisa- Hngh!” Itadori’s words were interrupted by a hand wrapping around his neck, slightly lifting him from the ground as he struggled to move, too weak from the constant fighting with all the cursed spirits that came in a flood. 

“Now, now,” Your voice was too calm, almost tired, getting closer to Yuuji’s face “Why don’t you switch with the oh-so-mighty King of curses? Too scared to come out, huh, King?” 

Your tone ticked Sukuna in more than one way. You were still the same annoying bitch as before. 

If you wanna live you better switch with me, you damn brat.

“Like hell I would switch with you! You’re gonna kill us!”

“Oh, so you can talk with him within yourself?” You let out an amused snort, your grip getting tighter. “Ridiculous!”

Foolish human, she will kill you. Switch with me.

Even if his vessel dying didn’t mean anything to Sukuna, he knew he would never get the chance to meet you again, probably for another thousand years, and these sorcerers were too invested in vanishing him from the face of the earth. 

When Yuuji was about pass out, eyes half closing and his windpipe being pressed roughly, you noticed the way his skin started developing black marks in his face and along his body. You smiled widely when the small scars under the sorcerer’s eyes opened to reveal a red colour looking straight at you, the whole features of this guy in front of you changing to reveal what you were looking forward too.

Sukuna’s hand wrapped around your wrist, claws digging into your flesh as you both stared at each other with a mix of emotions: hatred, anger, amusement. And something more.

“Move.”

You dropped him, backing up a bit as he fixed the hoodie his vessel was wearing, glaring at the queen of curses. You didn’t change at all. If Sukuna had to be honest, you were as hot tempered and attractive as before. He could perfectly remember the way your body reacted whenever he touched the spots that drove you crazy A sly smirk appeared on his face as he noticed the same movement of fingers when you were restless, and he knew it was because of him.

“Nervous, Y/N?” Sukuna chuckled, walking to you to circle around your frame, looking up and down your body. “You know I don’t bite, baby. Unless you ask me to, that is.”

You turned around to look at him behind you, incredulous.

“Hah?” Your head fell back, letting out a louder than usual laugh. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, King. I’m just worried I’ll easily step on you while you’re in this vessel of yours.” Your hand started glowing with your cursed energy, raising an eyebrow at the way his indifferent expression didn’t flinch. “And even more now since you get dominated so easily.”

Once again, something in Sukuna ticked. If there was something he hated more than being looked down upon, it’d be the fact of not being in control of any situation. He never once admitted it, but your comments really got to him. He wanted to be praised and adored by you, queen who would never adore anyone but herself. This just made him even more infatuated by you.��Perhaps even after all this time, he could make you say his name in a broken voice.

“You see, you shouldn’t be talking to me like that.” Your smile went away when a hand reached one of your cheeks, caressing it with such care you almost gagged. However, you couldn’t help the way your heart started beating faster. “Or do you think I don’t remember the way I made you submit to me?”

This time, it was you who twitched with anger. Sukuna’s hand grabbed your chin, his eyes falling on those delicious lips that committed the most sinful of acts and spat out the dirtiest of words. He was getting excited already, the fire within him starting to awaken after a long time.

When his face started getting closer to yours, you spat on him, the liquid landing on his cheek and laughing at his dumbfounded reaction after such action.

“A half-assed curse like you shouldn’t be talking to ME like that.” You snarled back, your arm swinging to attack the man in front of you. You almost chanted victory when your fist perfectly landed on the side of his face, making his head to turn to the side.

But when Sukuna turned to look back at you still with your fist against him, you gulped. There was no reaction, no injury that showed he was at least a little faced by the sudden attack.

This was it.

“Well, fuck.” You almost laughed again, expecting the worst to come when his eyes flashed with something dark, grabbing you by both sides of your head. All that time surviving for nothing. Keeping yourself hidden from every single sorcerer that walked the earth and now you were going to get killed by your ex-lover.

But instead of receiving the coup de grâce, Sukuna’s lips smashed against yours in a hungry manner, groaning against your mouth as your hands flew to scratch his arms in surprise, eyes open wide before the movement of his lips and strong hand in the back of your neck made you close them, not being able to fight back your own desires.

Sukuna missed this. Honestly, he missed any kind of physical touch but the fact it was with you again, made him realise it would always be you.

He was as calm as the silence surrounding you now, only the sounds of your heavy breathing filling your flushed ears. You were burning up, face red and glassy eyes. Sukuna smiled before slightly pulling your hair, head slightly falling back and taking advantage of this to place the softest of kisses in your neck. You let out a rather pathetic moan and he deeply chuckled.

“And a curse like you should know who is in charge here.”

[starcloaked]

🌻 !!

hehe hii!! i will tell you abt armello bc it is extremely fun and a game ive played casually for a while and enjoy

so, the very basic premise is that there are four kingdoms (not really but i’ll explain) there’s the wolves, the rabbits, the bears, and the rats !! each clan sends out a hero, a representative to fight for the crown. the current leader is a corrupt lion, left without a memory of his homeland and sprawled out in the corner of the wood near a farm. at the sight of the poor ruling state the animals that reside in the kingdoms are in, he unites the four groups through wit and a power known as the rot. this magic is just as powerful as it is deadly, and creatures who use too much of its foul power will begin to become twisted and evil

the king has succumbed to his force, and his once benevolent rule along with it. they all fight for the crown of the steadily weakening king, completing tasks along a hex board to gain prestige and powerful weapons and allies. there are four paths to take to victory—and while certain characters excel at certain ones—it is much more rewarding to spin a weaker character into a combat heavy victory, and vice versa.

the fifth clan i mentioned (there’s technically a 6th?? but i play on mobile and do not have access to them LOL) is the bandit clan, a group of rouges with a individual streak of hatred for authority. they’re all my personal favorites!! especially twiss, who is an adorable little squirrel thief. love her. short queen girlboss etc

the fact that this game both has furries with swords and hammers and giant axes, as well as scenarios where the phrase “pop off my liege!” is completely acceptable to use was the dealmaker for me, but there are also little novels that include fun stories about the main, base characters that provide interesting lore and are a fun read. there’s a magic system and a force of good called the wyld, which acts as mother nature itself and through the collection of spirit stones can help you cleanse and kill the king !!

the other ways of beating the game are though prestige victories, a kingslayer victory, or a rot victory. rot is by far the most fun and action packed form of winning, but it has a bittersweet undertone of the cycle of corruption continuing with a new ruler. prestige you can gain from completing quests, slaying other heroes, defeating banes (which are these HUGE crow ass looking things that are the coolest part of the game honestly. fucked up and evil corvid) and if no other hero can slay or cleanse the king while staying alive, this victory is the default. rot and kingslayer victories are won by indulging nail biting dice-based combat w the lion man himself, very thrilling actually !!

each hero has a special quirk that makes them worth playing, and stats to fit their specific playstyle. i love them all a lot (besides river. stupid bow ability) and i think anyone who wants to see if they like it should buy it on the app store! free, but a lot of in app purchases so i would advise you just buy the pc version if you want to continue playing. here’s a bane 10/10 game love making fun little scenarios and drama while i play :]

[kote-the-inn-keeper]

Every Thought And Deed

Wings of fire and shadow... Iron and glass... Blood and stone. The wings of fire and shadow sparked a very old memory in him, one of when he had been a boy. Cold, hurt, and one of his many times of nearly fading from the living. He remembered the warmth they offered him then, feeling it again for only a moment before all the wings around him vanished as soon as they had appeared.

Opening his eyes and looking up, the Kingkiller laid eyes upon a winged entity that stood before him with a hammer in hand. To describe a god is to try and describe a billion views at once; very slow and nearly impossible for one person to do. If he had to guess, such a form was always changing or tailored to whoever looked upon such a being, so he slowed his tired mind to not bother with such. He had done so much already... He wanted to rest. Just rest.

Around said entity, birds of the wings he saw before fluttered around the being, seeming to form almost a council in front of him. It almost reminded him of his few years learning in a place that wasn’t anything he had really hoped it to be back then. 

“Son of Arliden,” The deep voice came from the winged individual before him, “You are weary and have lived a long life. One of struggle and misfortune, but not one without wickedness and evil actions of your own. Repent and allow us to guide you into a peaceful afterlife.”

Kote stood quietly, letting out a soft breath after a long and tense moment. “I had so many questions for you for so long. And here I am, standing before you proper after unfortunate circumstances; Tehlu.”

There was no reply, only a shifting in position and the light hefting of a waiting hammer.

“So, so many questions... From why to how, into trying to find your logic and reason, and even maybe bargaining with you just to have some solace in all that has happened and become since you came to be. The truth, the lies, the reasons... So many questions.” Kote continued, shaking his head and putting a hand to his face. Rubbing his forehead, he sighed sharply and glared at Tehlu, “You aren’t anything I expected.”

“Mortals cannot comprehend us, as is it is meant to be.”

“That’s not what I meant. Your stories are all about purging evil from the world and people, fighting and protecting those who need it most. But where were you?” His voice cracked, clenching his hands into fists as he raised his voice at the god. “Where were you when anyone needed you most?! The innocent, the weak, the poor, the hurt and wronged? Where have you been when people are murdered and kidnapped, abused and starved? Where are you when the cruel act, the greedy harm others, killers roam free and people throw around wars like toddlers throwing toys? Where were you when anyone I have and even have not known needed you most, you bastard!?”

The birds around Tehlu fluttered more and seemed to silently debate on acting against the mortals shouting or let such continue.

“You have much hatred in your heart.” Tehlu said simply, wings beating lightly and adjusting to be more comfortable. “Cruelty and wickedness, though I can help you not have such burdening your soul.”

“How are we supposed to not have those things when we have to act on our own? You really expect mortals to not defend themselves against the ones you are supposed to be punishing and removing?! Us acting in protection is what makes us wicked, is that what you’re trying to tell us?”

“No.”

“If I were a more patient man, I would ask you to explain and to give me some fucking reasons. But, I’m tired. I’ve suffered enough. I have gone through hell and back without your help or aid along the way. You have done and will do nothing, just as you always have for any of us. You’re nothing but an over glorified war hero who has had his story twisted so much you stand here, with your head up your ass, instead of a more kind and caring soul who would actually aid those in need!” 

The birds start changing form to act out against Kote, but Tehlu lifted his hammer and stopped them just as a hand was placed on Kote’s shoulder from behind.

Looking over his shoulder, he smacked the hand away and stepped to the side, “This is not me siding with you either, Encanis.” He snapped, “I have no want to be a demon nor to aid you in making others suffer. Disregarding Tehlu’s word doesn’t mean and shouldn’t damnation to be around you.”

Encanis chuckled, face of shadow and just as hard to describe as Tehlu. “No, not always. But, I can lead you--”

“Shut your mouth.” Kote interrupted, looking between the two. “I refuse to side or abide to either of you. You’re,” he pointed to Tehlu, “passive and refuse to act when you are said to help those in their greatest need. And you,” he pointed to Encanis, “Are just an actual bastard and I refuse to lay more chaos and suffering onto people because you are a sick and twisted man who enjoys such. So you can take your hammer and smash his and your own damned teeth out for all I care.

“Then what do you plan to do, little bloodless man?” Encanis asked, words more like knives than before, mocking and patronizing. “There is little room for you to cheat either of us, or to lie. We see all you have done and been. All you were, could have been, and everything in between. You’re stuck now. No where to go. No where to run.”

Kote clenched his jaw and took a slow breath to calm his anger, running a hand through his hair. 

“Repent,” Tehlu said sternly, pointing the hammer at him.

“or burn and join me in oblivion.” Encanis added, holding out a hand towards him.

They were all left in a quiet and tense silence, waiting and watching the mortal before them. One of many names, many stories, and many changes. To them, it was no time at all passing. But to Kote, it felt like eternity as he tried to muster up the right thoughts and the proper ideas. Trying to work past his tiredness to be as brilliant and stupid as he use to be to get out of a situation. It grew harder the longer he stood and thought, the heavier he felt, the more burning the intensity of each of their stares got. 

“Neither.” He finally said softly, smiling a little. 

“What?” Encanis asked, pulling his hand away a little and raising his shoulders. “What do you mean neither?”

“I mean what I said. I’m not going to repent for my wickedness and hatred. When I gave to others was what I did, and I am going to own it. Some was justified, others not. Sometimes I was young and foolish, other times I was giving the justice that was supposed to be brought upon them. But, I won’t let that wickedness and hatred consume me and turn me into a monster. I won’t let it overtake me and allow me to harm those who don’t deserve it. I helped and aided those in need, I gave when I had nothing, and I learned from everything. If that doesn’t counteract me stepping in and delivering judgment onto those who acted wrong against me or those who were innocent, then I won’t repent. I’ve held the burden so long, I can hold it forever. And I can hold it forever without letting it twist me into something a vile as you. Either of you.You both make me sick.” He spat at his feet.

Encanis growled and huffed, “Stubborn bastard. There isn’t anything else for you, you know. It’s not like you can gain godhood.”

“Why not?”

“Wh-- Why not? Ha! Oh, please tell me you’re joking! I can’t take this type of joke, I might keel over laughing so hard.”

“There is a tale of Tehlu where he fought in the creation wars and took up the mantle of an angel. What makes it that no one else possibly can?” Kote questioned simply. “I refuse both your logic and your ways, therefore I will find my own.”

“What aren’t you getting? Are you really that stupid?”

“Perhaps. You should know if I am or not, since you both are apparently all seeing.” Kote retorted almost mockingly. “You might be as stupid as I am, running for eight days through cities.”

Encanis seethed, but couldn’t act with Tehlu present.

Tehlu lowered the hammer and turned away. “Then there is nothing here for me to aid. If you will not accept my word and allow me to redeem you, you will be nothing. What happens to you is beyond he or I in knowledge. Such does not happen often. Perhaps you will be lucky and some holy fire will cleanse you of your wickedness and you will see the light once more.”

Encanis huffed and turned away as well, leaving without saying a word.

“One last thing, Son of Arliden.” Tehlu said, wings moving out of the way to allow his face to be seen by Kote.

Kote turned to him after he was sure Encanis had dissipated, looking up with exhaustion in his dully eyes. “If you are to tell me not to call upon you, I know. I don’t think I ever have, even in my greatest need. You weren’t ever there. You never were.”

Tehlu was silent for a moment, “Then go forward and suffer in silence, as you always have. As you always will, now.”

[dmydfilmreviews]

MARVEL MOMENTS

 So what they really did, as well as making a good load of films, was actually make a vast tapestry of genius interwoven moments like flicking through a big comic book! Ten years! Twenty something movies! A load of rubbish images at the end of the list because the last three films weren’t officially out on Blu Ray! Avengers assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Tony Builds the First Suit

 Really it was a stroke of brilliance to start the whole shebang with Iron Man the self-made superhero. The backbone of the whole universe is that of Tony making himself and that all kicks off here, in a sequence that’s hugely thematically satisfying given what comes later. There’s also the fact that back in the day all this construction stuff was just fucking cool, a Nolan-lite bedrock for a blend of realism and fantasy that comic-book cinema had never quite nailed before. Seeing Tony improve his tech step-by-step is a quiet pleasure of these movies, the suits getting more and more outlandish but staying absolutely believable, just like the films, and that all kicks off here with one guy and a non-magical hammer.

Pepper Pulls Out Tony’s Heart

 I noted these all down before Endgame, honestly. Sob. It was always his story really. The best example of the foundational relationship of the MCU: They finish each other’s sentences!

‘Truth is… I am Iron Man.’

 They knew what they’d got from the very first. This ballsy coda sets the tone for the whole MCU, one of backed-up swagger, a willingness to fuck with the source material in the name of story and the general feeling that Robert Downey Jr. was God. All in like two hours. That they flipped the egotistically iconic line into an era-defining declaration of responsibility, growth and heroism a decade later is nothing short of remarkable.

Hulk and Betty in the Rain

 It’s uh… it’s a nice comic-book visual of a classic comic book romance, I guess? Look, Hulk came a long way later, but his forgotten love for Betty was the closest they ever came to the source material outside of the Hulk generally smashing and being awesome. It was sweet!

The Bit Where Hulk Suplexes a Giant Zombie Wolf on the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard

 wait was this in the Incredible Hulk

I’ve Successfully Privatised World Peace!’ ‘Fuck you, Mr Stark.’

 They got Garry Shandling in these movies!

The Suitcase Suit

 Now that is a cool-ass adaptation.

Black Widow Kicks Asses

 Yeah, after a whole movie of being reductive eye-candy she was still reductive eye-candy here. But the scene as a whole’s basically a perfect realisation of her moves in the comics, and showed Marvel were capable of doing someone who wasn’t Iron Man. Then they did EVERYYYYOONNNNNNEEE bonus points for Happy taking out that one guy and yelling ‘I got him!’

Tony and Rhodey in the Japanese Gardens

 Look, they just look cool, OK? No one said this was going to be deep.

Tony and Pepper as the Stark Expo Explodes

 They haven’t managed a lot of great romance, but this one hella works: Tony’s overblown mess of a movie expo exploding behind the true love of his life is a visual so great that Shane Black nicked it wholesale for the climax of Iron Man Three: Christmas in Croydon.

The Frost Giant Throwdown

 Wait, what’s happening? I thought these were the movies where Jeff Bridges rode a Segway? Are we in SPAAAAACCCCCEEEE?

Thor Can’t Pull It Off

 Out of the big three Thor’s arc of mythology to humanity might be the deepest and most satisfying of all. That starts here with his tearful inability to be worthy of his father, his world and, crucially, himself, leading directly into the first great Thor/Loki exchange, then a whole host of movies that eventually put him through the emotional wringer to self-acceptance. Hopefully?

Thor and Loki Battle on the Rainbow Bridge

 Yeah, it looks kind of goofy, but this is pure sixties Kirby, shorn of the irony the series would develop later. Beautiful.

Erskine Points To Cap’s Heart

 That’s it. That’s the character.

The Star Spangled Man!

 Who’ll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berliiiin?

That Whole War Montage That Ends With Bucky Falling From The Train

 Just smash after smash after smash of wartime Cap goodness that we’d never see again, ending with the ‘death’ that’d define the rest of his story. Steve lost as much as Thanos in his quest for peace but, y’know, he wasn’t a total fucking intergalactic dick about it.

‘I gotta put her in the water!’

 Man alive he waited for that date... whether you think the ending of Endgame ruins the moment somewhat (it doesn’t. sort of), this was still the biggest heart-tugger in the MCU at that point, and defined the characters of Cap and Peggy for years to come. Watch Agent Carter! Just bloody watch it!

'Lemme Put You On Hold’

 The stand out moment of The Avengers is basically all of it, but let’s start with the moment Black Widow finally becomes a character, a sequence of broad-strokes skill from Scarlett Johansson and Joss Whedon that begged for a movie she finally got way too long later. Bonus points for possibly the greatest Coulson reaction shot in a history of great reaction shots.

The Helicarrier Ascends

 OK, shit – this is series is big now.

The Whole of Stuttgart

 Whedon’s love of classical posh entertainment is seen in Angel’s superior ballet episode and his fondness for Sondheim, and he even gets a bit of the ol’ jewellery rattling in here in a perfectly pitched Loki-loving sequence that culminates in some fantastic bits for Cap before Iron Man AC/DC’s all over the place. This is where the comic book stuff really kicks off.

‘YOU COME HOME!’

 This Hemsworth’s fella’s really got something...

Forest Bro Down

 Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. The first real Avengers mash-up is just wonderful. This is where the wish-fulfilment really begins, in a quiet clearing, where three superheroes nearly beat the shit out of each other in classic comic-book style. The Avengers assembled.

The Whole Fuckin’ Helicarrier Sequence

 An absolute masterpiece of blockbuster juggling that had never been done before, this could be the third act of any other film. Over what plays out weirdly like a piece of theatre we get terrifying Hulks, mewling quims and awesome heroics, all expertly laced with wonderful character mash-ups and action we’d never seen before. Then Coulson dies. This is what Joss Whedon does.

‘There was an idea…’

 Fuck shit yeah there was, and it made for a hell of an Infinity War trailer six years later.

ALL OF NEW YORK

 Yep, all of it, but if we’re being picky it’s Hulk v Loki for the comedy side, the tracking shot for the action. As a sequence it’s never been bettered in the MCU, even in the open-mouthed joy-gush of Infinity War and Endgame. FIGHT ME

Go Fish

 Iron Man Three is a wonderful movie that works best as the sum of its parts, but there’s one bit that’s up there with the pantheon: the sky-diving rescue above the bay is such a joyous subversion of the usual third-act super-fisticuffs that it’s like something out of a 70’s Superman movie, only with a hilarious capper at the end where Iron Man explodes under a truck. Beep beep!

Running the Lemurian Star

 The Russo Brother’s action calling-card for their incredible MCU run, this sets up their vision of Cap’s super-subtle-super-serum-super-moves. From the off it’s a game changer in the way action’s shot across the MCU, clean-cut raid-alikes becoming the order of the day. AND THEN HE FIGHTS BATROC ZE LEAPER

Elevator Throwdown

 Yeah, yeah, we all know the actual bit in the elevator that’s spoofed to tremendous effect come Endgame, but remember this sequence ends with Cap TAKING DOWN A FUCKING QUINJET SINGLE-HANDED. The look on his face at the end says it all.

The Winter Soldier Street Fight

HE FLICKS A KNIFE MID PUNCH

Come and Get Your Love

 We’d seen a lot of cool shit from the MCU by this point, but this was something else again. It’s funny! It’s funny as fuck! What the fuck is this movie? And again, they know their own best bits: the return to this in Endgame is top drawer. What a moron.

The Kyln Sequence

 This whole breakout is the Guardians at their very best; squabbling in space, reluctant teamwork, loads of cool shit and leg theft. The bit where it all goes anti-grav is a treat.

WE ARE GROOT

 That’s it. That’s the movie.

…Stark…

 It’s a shame they didn’t delve deeper into Scarlet Witch’s hatred for the man who murdered her parents, but her barely contained rage is the keystone for Age of Ultron: deeper, nastier, more questioning of it’s heroes and their heroism. This one they brought on all by themselves.

Sun’s Gettin’ Real Low

 Yeah, maybe it’s for the best the slightly bumbled Hulktasha relationship was forgotten about, but this moment was pivotal in the character development of both. Beautifully shot, and leads to a primo Ragnarok gag.

Lift That Hammer

 You genuinely could have made a whole movie of these characters hanging out at an open bar. The Stan cameo’s great, the War Machine story bit gets an Endgame alien planet boost much later, but it’s the drunken worthiness competition that’s the real highlight, a seemingly fun throwaway that actually almost single-handedly sets up the whole character of Vision and the most fist-pumping moment of Endgame, a movie nearly entirely composed of fist-pumping moments.

Hulk vs Hulkbuster

 Pure comic-book wish fulfilment again, and how. From Hulk spitting out a tooth to Tony desperately pleading ‘go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep’, this mad clash of science pals knocks every Transformers movie straight through a freshly-bought-building. Veronica!

Well Done.

 Alright, Vision’s no one’s favourite Avenger, but he’s one who’s the satisfying product of several movie plots, one beloved supporting AI and the combined brains, magic and cool red capes of his team. Whedon performs his own mad-skillz level script trick to make us accept this fucking weirdo, first by giving him Jarvis’ voice, then having him stare out at a world and see his reflection in it, then having him lift an unliftable character-establishment hammer. None of this could be done by any other film series.

The Geometry of Belief

 Ultron’s climactic church-a-maggedon is short but perfect, a swirling mass of splash-page insanity that culminates in a glorious trinity of Vision, Iron Man and Thor blasting the shit out of their mad son like a magic triangle. The Avengers at their peak.

Vision and Ultron Have a Chat

 Whedon pops out these gems of detached humanism from time to time, and his sundown final exchange between The Avenger’s success and failure is a doozy. The most poetic little scene in the whole MCU, voiced by two creatures who look like nightmarish dildos. ‘A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts’ is an all-timer.

Big Bathtub

 Ant Man’s bedrock might be its family values, but it’s the shrinking that makes it stand out. The first time Scott drops into tiny-town is a Pixar-esque fun-burst akin to Stephen Strange’s nutso jump into infinity later, with deadly bath taps, thunderclap vacuum cleaners and mid-day apartment raves (?) all bringing a new level of threat and adventure to a series already teeming with variety. They should carry these ones on foreverrrrr

Cassie’s Room

 There’s something about this scene that sums up Scott’s whole character and hopefully sets up his daughter for future ant shenanigans: he is (was) unique as a hero with a family, and no matter how many Pym Particles he stuffs into his suit he’s always looked like a giant to his daughter. Plus, y’know, Thomas the Tank Engine.

Some Guy Crashes a Car at Night

 The catalyst for the great middle schism. Civil War is a masterclass of twisting, gut-churning reveals, and this is the quiet moment that starts it all.

QUEENS

 The perfect Marvel character, introduced into the perfect realisation of the Marvel Universe, perfectly.

Running Into Each Other At The Airport

LITTLE MAN IS BIG NOW I’M CLINT WE HAVEN’T MET YET I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU FROM KID QUEENS BROOKLYN I’M YOUR CONSCIENCE WE HAVEN’T SPOKEN IN A WHILE YOU GUYS KNOW THAT OLD MOVIE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK HOW OLD IS THIS KID ETC ETC OH MY GOD MY BRAIN HAS EXPLODED

Cap vs Iron Man

 ‘I don’t care. He killed my mom.’  

The Big Brain Burst

 They keep doing bits to expand themselves, and this is one of the best, with the most potential for the future. Fleeting, but dazzling.

New York Mirror Fest

 If the next Strange movies delve into this deranged nonsense then they could end up the greatest of all of them. This is the tip of the iceberg, and it’s still unlike anything else being done in mainstream cinema.

Mr Blue Sky

 In a movie that frequently reaches big and misses, at least it hits the spot at the beginning. This glorious celebration of family, space-craziness and genre subversion is everything Guardians does best. The Gamora / Groot bit is adorable.

Peter’s Civil War Adventure

 The perfect tone-setter for the story’s most-average joe, this ground-level view of the universe’s biggest clash acts as a whippet quick intro to Peter Parker’s world in the big bad MCU. It’s always a thrill to see him where he belongs.

The Homage to Getting Buried Under a Tonne of Crap

 Homecoming’s riffs on classic Spidey-lore are generally pretty subtle, but when it comes time to show what Peter’s really made of Watts rips directly from the best, first with the iconic Parker/Spidey face split and then with him holding up a whole fucking building like he’s nerd Hulk or something. The added ‘come on Spider-Mans’ are the adorable icing on the homage-o-cake.

Anytime That Immigrant Song Plays

Another!

Thor vs Hulk

 Yeah, it’s not perfect and it’s a little CGIey. But it’s Thor fighting the Hulk in a fucking galactic gladiator arena place run by Jeff Goldblum and it smashes and it’s full of fun callbacks to previous movies. Yes! That’s what it feels like!

Thor and Loki Do Get Help

 The perfect encapsulation of Waititi’s irreverent-but-with-tonnes-of-heart freshgasm on the story of Thor, this bit of hilarious dumb shit acts as amusing action beat and neat character resolution all in one. They’re friends again! They’re brothers! Thor throws him around like a rolled up carpet!

What Are You The God of Again?

 Oh right, so he’s the best Avenger now.

Killmonger in the Afterlife

 The bloody heart of the most emotional Marvel movie, when Erik Killmonger enters the Wakandan afterlife he finds himself in his own tiny Compton apartment, exiled with his father forever with the plains of eternity just out of reach beyond the window. Heartbreaking, and brilliant.

Thanos Arrives

 The opening of Infinity War is another example of their absolute mastery of tone; after the megaton funblast of Ragnarok we’re thrown into the end of that movie being ripped apart, before Thanos appears, dragging a battered Thor into frame, beats seven shades of green shit out the Hulk and murders two beloved supporting characters, all without breaking a sweat. If you weren’t excited before you were now.

New York Tussle

 The opening New York section of Infinity War is all very clever, acting as the only grounding Earthy moment in what’s a pretty out-there narrative in terms of existential stakes. You get Tony and Wong helping people off the sidewalk and Strange winking after halting the space-death-machine, but from there on out it’s full-bore comic-book smackdown fun, clashing characters who’ve never met and providing top-drawer banter about wizards and children’s parties. This is the page, up there on screen.

BRING ME THANOS!

 BRING ME THANOS!

The Thanos Fight

 Jesus fucking Christ. Up there with the end of Avengers and the Civil War airport battle, this is a perfect realisation of superhero action, with a bigger dose of high-level insanity courtesy of the Infinity Stones and Doctor Strange. Sublimely realised, incredibly satisfying, with real weight and thought put into the spectacle, it’s also fantastic in the narrative of the film, the culmination of its themes of desperation and inevitability. The first time you saw them try to rip off the gauntlet was unbearable.

The Snap

 Well, yeah. You’ll never get back the first time you saw this. And imagine seeing it as a fucking kid.#

Just a Girl

 Sure the big level-up CGI fest at the end is good, but it’s the comedy smackdown on the Kree ship that’s the most satisfying part of Captain Marvel, the shit-eating joy on Carol’s face as she discovers she’s way more powerful than the assholes who’ve been holding her back. It’s corny sure, but it’s hella fun.

Thor Goes For The Head

 Endgame is a shocking, disorientating blur to begin with, all the characters you loved acting in strange, desperate ways in a super-hero version of post-traumatic stress disorder. Tony’s meltdown is bad enough, but it’s when Thor just straight up fucking murders Thanos that you know this is going to get dark and serious. It doesn’t, it remembers it’s a Marvel movie, but the shot of him walking out into the blurred alien sun, cape aflutter, is a fitting goodbye to a more innocent time of heroics.

Ant Man and Cassie

 A moment that could be worthy of a whole movie itself, a desperate Scott Lang meeting his five-years-older daughter gives a joke character a serious moment in the same way Infinity War did for Guardians. It’s very odd, very sweet and very Marvel.

Love You 3000

 Morgan H. Stark is almost a little too on the nose as a wrap-up for Tony, but hell, she’s still sweet as all hell and a perfect capper to his story of fatherhood and responsibility. It’s a mark of the work they’ve put in that we’ll almost immediately accept the tired trope of kid-taking-over-mantle when she inevitably puts on the armour in a few years.

Steve and Peggy / Tony and Howard

 This is the bit in Endgame where I finally started tearing up: a lot of it is too-neat fan-service, but fuck it, they’ve put in so much effort that it works. This is the scene where you realise both of these long arcs are coming to an end, the resolution of Steve quietly making his decision to go back to Peggy and Tony getting the closer of discussing parenthood with his unknowing father. It’s corny sure, but so are comic books, and setting the whole bit at the height of seventies Marvel Comics mania is a loving nod to the imaginations that made all these crazy possibilities possible.

Widow and Hawkeye

 There’s a theme here. All of these moments are kind of cheesy and rely heavily on callbacks to previous bits… but at the moment it doesn’t matter because ENDGAME WOW. Maybe we’ll look back at it as a corny misstep, but for the moment, Clint and Tasha having one last, ludicrously overblown tussle for who gets to live is a sweet capper that never goes as deep as the others because they’re supporting characters. It still stings, and it’s a neat mirror to Gamora and Thanos in Infinity War. The red’s gone from her ledger! It’s on the rocks! Urrrgh

Nebula Kills Herself

 Again, they’re so good that they can spend a big chunk of time in what’s ostensibly the last big movie for their most beloved characters on making a lesser character beloved. Endgame spotlights Nebula even more than Infinity War did Gamora, using her self-hatred and fear of her father for compelling, wibbly-wobbly plot and character beats. The resolution of her story and her newfound place with her team should make for a whole different Guardians before we even get to Fortnite-Thor joining up.

Cap Wields The Hammer

 ‘I KNEW IT!’

Thanos’ Army

 One last escalation of scale. When Thanos’ army finally arrives it’s like something out of those apocalyptic Turner paintings, where the hordes of a ship-wrecked hell confront eternity under skies ripped from heaven. Only this time they’re facing one guy called Steve, and they’re fucked. Incredible.

Avengers… Assemble

 It almost lives up to what you always had in your head. The Marvel Universe, somehow done right.

Tony Hugs Peter Back

Awwww!

New Avengers Run the Gauntlet

 A surprising amount of Endgame’s grand finale is given over to the future hopes; while Strange gets stuck in with holding back a Biblical flood it’s up to Black Panther to grab the Infinity Gauntlet from Clint in a delightful callback to Civil War, before embarking on an intense relay race across the entire battlefield that begins with Scarlet Witch crushing the shit out of Thanos’ testicles and ends with Captain Marvel engaging the Mad Titan in a bone-crushing show of super-strength. And along the way if finds time to have Peter Parker dragged through the air by Thor’s hammer which was thrown by Captain America before landing on a Pegasus flown by Valkryie across an exploding sky of alien whales. Maybe the most satisfying run of action since the first Avengers.

I am Iron Man

 It was always going to be him really. Bonus points for Downey Jr. originally telling Thanos to ‘Fuck off’. Did anyone else keep thinking he was going to wake up and quip and everything would be OK? That’s how you make movies.

The Funeral

 It looks a little weird actually, like they weren’t all on set. But they were! The Marvel Universe again, holy smokes.

The Kiss

 Now that’s how you end ten years and twenty one movies. They’re movies! It was romantic! It was exciting! It was fun!

For TEN FUCKING YEARS.

Swing a Ding Ding Sir

 After five movies of fresh shit they've finally starting dumping some classic Spider-Man on us; the Euro stuff's fun and all, but it's Far From Home delirious climax that sees Spidey and MJ thwipping through the canyons of New York before bumping into ugly ol' J. Jonah JJ Jay Jay likes it's a freakin' comic book or something. Delightful, and also serves as a wonderful image of hope and joy post-Endgame.

What a fuckin’ ride. Here’s to the next... seventy six? Seventy seven?

wait did I leave any out

[a-classic-story-so-far]

A Day in the Life: Helkat

Even over the rhythmic song of his hammer striking the red-hot iron, Rowan Smith could sense Kat entering the shop. Her footfalls were heavy as she crossed the concrete floor and he noted her shadow as it passed through the smoke and light. She was an hour late when the Cathedral bells announced the hour, so by his estimation, she was very nearly an hour and a half late when she arrived. After getting the piece to a place where he could leave it, Rowan put down his hammer and turned towards the shop’s interior.

“You’re late,” he grumbled.

“It ain’t like it fuckin’ matters, Rowan,” Kat called back as she ducked behind a curtain to change into her apron. “You got me on chisels for the masons, like you always do, and they ain’t gonna come pick ‘em up ‘til tomorrow. I’ll have ‘em done whether I am here at seven bells or twelve bells. Then you’ll have me cleanin’ up after you.”

“That isn’t the point, Kat,” Rowan sighed.

The blacksmith knew her story and it helped temper his irritation. She was on her own and had been for nearly three years. She didn’t have to tell him she had faced hardships, and so he put to practice all the patience his art taught him when dealing with her.

“Fuckin’ aye, Rowan. What is the point then?” She huffed as she tossed back the curtain.

The blacksmith opened his mouth to answer her, but his words were lost on a soft gasp as the small, albeit muscular, woman looked up at him. It was hard not to think of her as a child, with her full, round cheeks and bright, sharp eyes, so it was heartbreaking to see them stained with blood and bruises.

“Light, child, were you brawling again, or did someone…”

“Relax,” Kat groaned, waving off his concern. “It was an arranged match. And I ain’t a child. Least that ain’t the story the other guy’s tryna sell round these parts. He’s been tellin’ folks his bout was with a big fuckin’ giant of a man. He’s gotta or he’s gonna be laughed outta the City, gettin’ his ass knocked out in the second round by a girl.”

Rowan could appreciate the woman’s strength, but her love of violence broke his heart. Someone once told her she couldn’t be strong unless she was hard and violent, and now she embraces only that as her identity. She stands with her shoulders straight and pulled back so she could balance the chips on them. She didn’t have to smile to be pretty, but he wondered if she still knew how to express joy. The anvil upon which she was forged, hammered by tragedy and pain, was one that turned out a hardened woman who feared and loathed any softness that once brought balance to her life. Rowan was the only son in a family of twelve, and with his wife, he had only daughters, so in Kat, he saw effortlessly through the front she fought to maintain.

Of course, he couldn’t let onto that.

“Right. Well, the point is, when I tell ya to be here at seven, I expect you to be here. Anyone you ever work for, will expect you to be on time. I am relying on you, Kat. Sure, I got you sharpening axes and chisels most the time, but its work that needs done. And cleanin’ up, well, until I can hire another kid to do it, I need you to. We’ve been busy and what you are doing is just as important as anything else. Next week, I gotta get you to help me make hinges. They’ve got a new garrison going up in Westfall, so the order’s big. We just need to get through the mason contract this week and they must take care of their own chisels this fall while the garrison is getting fitted out. Alright? I need you here, Kat.”

For just a moment he could see the softness she hated in her eyes, and he just looked away while it passed. She tried to hate him sometimes, and he knew it. Rowan also knew he wasn’t the source of her hatred but simply the focus. Kat wanted to hate him for the ways he reminded her of her father. She wanted to loathe him for the ways he was gentle with her and the way he made her feel vulnerable. Those were the times when she would lash out, so Rowan learned fast how best to let her burn out.

“Now get to it. Don’t be late again,” he grunted before she could say a word.

She was still angry, but at least it was anger she chose. She made a gesture and rolled her eyes before stomping to her station. Her reaction brought a sigh of relief from Rowan, though. She was a woman who saw things in shades of rage, and while he wanted her to find happiness, he respected her perspective.

-

At five bells, the streets of the laboring districts flowed with workers who had been released for the day. All manner of makers and civil servants marched out to the canals and beyond to the hovels and houses they called home. Harris Pent blended in perfectly among them.

However, Harris wasn’t like them.

The crowds were all retreating from their jobs, but the pale, lanky northerner would argue he was just starting his work for the day. He passed between people with a soft grunt of apology when he bumped into them and focused on the horizon with the same tired stare, but in truth he was neither sorry nor tired. Every time he contacted another person; his wage increased. His deft fingers found loose coins and unattended jewelry as easily as others found solid footing on the cobbled streets. He could pick pockets and locks with his eyes closed.

However, he was suddenly reminded that it was a bad idea to do so.

His fingers dipped into a vest pocket as he bumped into small woman, but when he tried to remove it, bounty in hand, he felt a vice close around his wrist. The small figure twisted his arm awkwardly and slammed him into the nearby wall. He put on a charming smile, but it melted as he found those olive-hazel gaze locked on him.

“Helkat! I was—”

“Save it, shit head. What the fuck did I tell ya about robbin’ workin’ folks,” Kat hissed, still holding his arm painfully to the side.

“I was only picking out the rich looking ones!”

Her brows dropped and her lips pursed, and the deadpan expression inspired the man to squirm and think about his words. When Harris realized his mistake, he started talking again.

“Okay! Fine. I’m sorry, hun. It is really hard getting close to those rich pricks, though. I need to eat.”

“Then get a fuckin’ job,” Kat snapped. She let go of his wrist and made sure her lighter was still in her pocket. “Takin’ money from these folks only hurts ‘em. Stick it to the fuckin nobles, or start huntin’ for a job like the rest of us.”

“Right. Sorry, Helkat.”

Kat only grunted in response as she pulled out a cigarette case and pulled one free. As soon as it was tucked into her pierced lips, she could sense the question on her companion’s tongue and offered him as well. She used the lighter he tried to steal to light both of their smokes and started towards Old Town again.

“When did you eat last?” She asked gruffly.

Harris paused to give it some thought. If she was anyone else, he would give a sob story to get some free food and maybe some cash. However, he liked Kat. She was humble and smart. She was a survivor. She was his only real friend, and she meant a lot to him.

Kat was anything but ‘anyone else.’

“This morning. I conned breakfast out of a cute Night Elf. She’s clearly new to the city, but I didn’t rob her.” He added the last bit quickly and defensively, earning a dry huff of amusement from his companion.

“Let’s go get somethin’ to eat. I got paid today so I can get yours,” she nodded as she directed them down the alleys to the Pig and Whistle. “I need you to do something for me, though.”

“Yea? What’s up? Wait. You aren’t going to ask me to beat up the guy who did that to you, are you?”

For a tall man, Harris could move quick, evading the anticipated slap from Kat as he snickered about the joke he could only share with her.

“No, you fuck,” she snorted in reply, cracking a wan smile. “No. I need ya find me another fight, actually. You did real good last time. It was a bit of a challenge, but the bids were against me. I need another one like that so I can get out of the shit hole I am livin in.”

“Don’t you think you should lay low for a bit? People were pretty upset last night about losing all that money on a ‘sure thing’. You have a lot of people angry at you. If you take another fight and flip the table, you may get yourself killed.”

His concern was genuine, and even though she scowled at him, he expressed it. It was his one act of defiance with her. He cared and he wasn’t going to stop caring even if he knew they would only ever be friends.

“Look, I get it and I welcome anyone to fuckin’ try, but Harris, I’ve been squattin’ in that place for over a year and I think people are catchin’ on that it ain’t empty. The lock I put in’s got scratches on it, like someone tried to pick it. I gotta get out because I can’t live like that. So, find me a fight. Head out to Redridge if you can. I’ll give you the coin to rent a horse so you don’t gotta walk.”

Harris was quiet as he took the last drag off his cigarette and tossed the spent end to the cobbles with a defeated sigh.

“Alright. I’ll see what I can do. Give me four days. I’ll have something for this coming weekend.”

“Great. Now, lets get something to eat. I’m starvin’!”

“You’re always starving,” Harris laughed as he jogged ahead to get the door for her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, Kat stumbled drunk up the exterior access to the second floor of the butcher shop on the canals. The stairs were handy from a rear alley, so she never had to worry about guards questioning her ascent to the abandoned apartment on the second story. The whole building had made the front page of the local paper when it had been gutted by rioters a few years before Kat moved to Stormwind, and while the butcher had restored the shop, he left the second floor in a sorry state. The floor was weak, and the windows had their glass replaced with boards. The walls were burnt in places and the whole area smelled of smoke even years later. However, Kat didn’t mind. It was free and it was home.

“Hey, Kat, you gonna be alright?” Harris slurred as his companion came to stop at the door.

“Shut up,” she hissed, sounding instantly sober.

Her key was still in hand, never touching the lock, but with her free hand she pushed the door open easily. As the light of the moon reflected off the shattered lock, the man also found a bit of foul clarity.

“Oi, Kat, maybe we don’t go…”

Before Harris could finish, she was already storming across the room. He surveyed the flat in her wake and knew instantly that the culprits were no longer there. It was a smash and grab, and they left very little of the sparse space untouched.

“Shit. I’m sorry,” he sighed. Harris felt a bit of guilt knowing he had taken part in robberies like this in the past. It was a very different experience to be on this side of things.

“Just…head back to your place,” Kat rumbled without turning to look at him. “I gotta see if they got in my stashes and I’ll find an inn room. It’s fine. Go on.”

“You sure? You can stay with me…”

“Go on, Harris. I need to get shit and get out.”

With a heavy heart, the man nodded and turned to head out. As he went, he did his best to pull the door closed. The lock and latch were both broken, so it didn’t stay closed, but it offered Kat a bit of privacy.

When she was certain she was alone, she dropped to her knees. Tears were streaming down her face and her face was red with the effort it took not to scream. She could see from where she had been standing that her two cash stashes were empty and the stash, she kept in the floor was untouched but the items within held no value to anyone but her. Kat arrived in Stormwind nothing and she fought tooth and nail for the small piece of the world she had carved out for herself. But now she had nothing again.

Worse though was that she chose that drafty, broken house of nothing over Home. She wouldn’t accept defeat. She dragged herself onto the tossed mattress, collected her blankets around her, and clung to the hammer under her pillow. She defiantly and definitively chose nothing.

[anavoliselenu]

ruthless chapter 15

“Do you think he is angry?”

 “One can only hope, love.”

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 “Entertaining indeed.” Sedric smirked, leaning back into his chair.

 “That was only the first course father.” Justin grinned, and I couldn’t wait for dessert.

 JUSTIN

 I didn’t make a habit of smoking. However, this damn wedding had gone on for far too long. Amory was now fully aware, which had to mean his new wife was as well. The tension between us, as we pretended to be nothing more than guests, was boiling under the surface. Even the way Saige cut her steak, which was so rare it looked like it was dripping blood, seem to antagonize us. She glared at Selena with so much hatred even Olivia had to look away. My Selena smiled at her as if she hadn’t noticed. I knew she had though. The clicking noise under the table as she loaded her gun with one hand was proof enough.

 So I took a small smoking break inside the bathroom stall like I was still in high school. Neal and Declan had been my role models until the point my mother found them and beat their asses so badly that they couldn’t sit. That was the last time either of them smoked. I, on the other hand, had never been caught.

 Maybe Selena could beat it out of me?

 “Did you see Callahan’s bitch?” a voice called out from the other side of the stall.

 “The Italian wench in white?” another replied, and I felt myself freeze.

 “What I wouldn’t give to fuck the shit out of her tight pussy. I would ride the fuck out of her until she broke down like a good little cunt whore. Then—” He didn’t get to finish for the simple fact that I stepped out of the stall and put a bullet in the back of his friend’s head.

 The body fell onto the urinal he was pissing in. The man beside him—how dare he call my wife a whore, cunt, and bitch—stood with his pants down in shock. I knew him. He was Amory’s best man, Alex.

 He turned to me, opening his mouth to speak, but I took the liberty of grabbing him by his hair and smashing his head against the marble above the urinal.

 “That Italian wench is my fucking wife!” I yelled, using his head as a hammer against the wall.

 “You don’t talk of her as you piss.” Slam.

 “You don’t talk of her, period. You don’t call her anything but fucking Mrs. Callahan.” Slam.

 “And you sure as fuck don’t talk of her with your fucking hand on your dick.” Slam. Slam. Slam.

 Releasing his head, which was covered in blood and brain matter, I watched as his body fell to the ground. He most likely died after the first two hits into the wall, but all I could fucking see was red. I wanted his head to come off his fucking shoulders. Sighing, I turned to the mirror to find my suit covered in blood.

 With a groan, I reached into my jacket and pulled out my phone. “Eric, I need a new suit as fast as possible,” I told him as I washed the blood from my hands. Looking down, I noticed the blood spreading across the marble floor and onto my fucking shoes.

 “Damn it. Get me new shoes as well.”

 Hanging up, I dried my hands and stared at the bodies around me, just as another fool stepped in. He froze, looking first at the blood and then to me.

 “Anger issues,” I said to him reaching for my gun. “Step into my office.”

 He tried to turn and run but I shot him right in the spine, and his legs gave out.

 “Guess you won’t be stepping anywhere, huh?” I asked him before blowing a hole through his face. Again, the blood splattered onto my hands, and I couldn’t help but groan once more.

 “See what you made me do?” I asked the dead man before locking the door and rewashing my hands.

 The worst things happened when you smoked. But thank God for silencers, I thought to myself.

 SELENA

 When Justin sat back down, he kissed my cheek. I looked him over quickly and something didn’t seem right.

 “Did you change?” It looked like the same suit but only fresher, like he hadn’t been wearing it all day.

 “Why would I do that?” he asked me, but there was a glint in his eye.

 “Don’t play coy with me.”

 He smirked, kissing me once more and whispering, “Later, love.”

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 “So what’s next on the menu?” Sedric asked as he wiped the corners of his mouth.

 Evelyn smacked on his chest. “Will you stop? You’re like a child at Disneyland.”

 “Bloody Wonderland, actually.” Justin smirked. I wasn’t sure what that meant but Sedric did, and I guess that was all that mattered.

 “Justin and I have to say hello before any more excitement occurs.” I smiled as Justin and I stood.

 Saige and Amory must have had the same idea because they were walking right to us.

 We met them in the middle of the dining hall.

 “Mr. and Mrs. Valero, congratulations. You and this wedding were beautiful.” I smiled reaching out for Saige’s hand.

 “Thank you, Mrs. Callahan.” Saige smiled back, shaking my hand. “And kudos to you for wearing white and not caring what people think of you.”

 “My family’s opinion is all that matters to me.” Which was bullshit because only my opinion, and sometimes Justin’s, mattered to me.

 “Yes, our apologies about your father then.” Amory bit his lip at me with lust in his eyes. He reached over to shake my hand, but Justin grabbed his wrist and forced him to shake his.

 “I’m quite possessive,” he told him. “I’m sorry about your best man.”

 I looked to him confused for a quick moment before Amory and Saige scanned the room quickly.

 “What did you—?”

 “Thank you so much for the lovely evening. However, Justin and I aren’t fireproof,” I interrupted and Saige turned to me, confused once more.

 “What?”

 “Fire!” someone yelled behind us, and sure enough, flames were breaking out above us.

 “What a shame, you should try to save your gifts. The big one is usually a blender.” Justin grinned.

 The room broke out in panic. The people looked like animals trying to leave a watering hole. They tripped, pushed, and pulled at one another to make it out the doors.

 “You want war! I will fucking give your war!” Amory roared at us.

 “It’s always been war. Don’t cry because you’re losing.” Justin grinned.

 “I’m going to fucking kill you!” Saige yelled at us.

 “We’re looking forward to seeing you try.” I smiled. “By the way I lied, your dress is hideous and this wedding . . . well it sucked so badly even a blind man couldn’t stand to look at it.”

 “You little bitc—”

 “Ma’am we have to go!” A guard of theirs yelled as she pulled them away. Justin and I stared around as the fire spread.

 “Have you both lost your minds?” Olivia screamed over the chaos of the room. So many people, so few doors.

 “Justin!” Evelyn and Coraline yelled while Sedric watched in glory. He knew we wouldn’t be stupid enough to trap ourselves.

 “Enough,” Justin snapped at them, and I saw the flames in his eyes again. It turned me on. I couldn’t deny that.

 Taking my hand, we nodded at them to follow us. Everyone was so busy trying to run to the front door that they didn’t even notice us. Justin pushed opened a small part of the wall we’d had installed after discovering the wedding location. The moment it opened, Declan and Neal stepped through. Coraline and Olivia both ran into their husband’s arms, and I felt tempted to roll my eyes. We had called them back just in time to pull this off correctly.

 “Save it, let’s go.”

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 The men being . . . Callahan men . . . made sure we girls went through the new tunnel first, however I waited at the door for Justin. He was the last to exit, and as we closed the door, we met the eyes of Vance as his men tried to pull him away. I smiled at him before giving him the middle finger just as Justin shut it completely. Turning back to me, he grinned.

 “So mature.”

 “You’re jealous you didn’t do it.” I smirked as we walked through the underground tunnel.

 “Next time. I really hope he doesn’t die.” He pouted looking back as we reached the lake. There was a boat waiting for us.

 “No, he isn’t going to die. He’s too big of an ass to die so easily.” I smirked as he helped me onto the boat.

 “I swear you’re both pyromaniacs.” Declan laughed as he handed us a glass of champagne.

 Looking back over at the mansion behind us, I couldn’t help but agree.

 “Where to sis?” Neal yelled from the steering wheel. Olivia hugged him as he moved us further and further away from the home.

 “The city,” Justin and I said together. Everyone broke off into their own private conversations giving me time to turn to Justin.

 “It’s later.”

 He rolled his eyes. “There was a little hiccup in the bathroom. It got messy, I killed two . . . three men and had to change. Nothing major.”

 “You need to control your temper.” I leaned in to kiss him.

 “One of these days I will . . . maybe.” He kissed me back.

 Motherfucking day made.

 TWENTY-FIVE

 “My husband and I have never considered divorce.

 Murder sometimes, but never divorce.”

 ~ Joyce Brothers

 OLIVIA

 “So you’re okay with what just happened?” I wasn’t even sure where to begin. Neal didn’t respond but started to change out of his tuxedo.

 “Neal!”

 “What Olivia, what!” he yelled, throwing his tie onto the bed.

 “Don’t you ‘what’ me! We just set a mansion on fire—”

 “You didn’t do shit. Selena and Justin did,” he interrupted me as he walked into the closet.

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 “Exactly, and it was wrong! How many people just died?” He was acting like he didn’t care. But this had to have bothered him. I was so angry that I wanted to kill them all.

 He looked at me like I was insane. “It’s the job, Olivia. I don’t give a shit about who died. I’m not paid to give a shit. This family is all I care about, and you know that, so save me your bull about the innocent.”

 Crossing my arms across my chest, I glared at him and bit my tongue to stop myself from saying what it was I really wanted to say.

 “They are reckless and callous, which isn’t a good combination! They have no idea what they are doing! You sell drugs! You are not murderers! How old is Selena? Twenty-four, twenty-five? She walks around like she owns the goddamn world!” I hated her the fucking most.

 “Because she does!” he snapped, stomping out of the closet and into my face.

 “No, she doesn’t, and neither does Justin. He shouldn’t even be Ceann na Conairte! You should be. This is all fucked up! They treat you as if you’re a fucking dog. They treat us all like we are their fucking pets. She shot you twice! And each time you defend them! You are the oldest. You are the strongest. You should be Ceann na Conairte!” There, I fucking said it.

 He shook his head at me and sighed before taking a seat on the bed. I fell to my knees in front of him and kissed his hands.

 “You have always allowed Justin to hold the past over you. Now his wife is doing the same, and she isn’t even—”

 “Enough, Olivia,” he replied so coldly I flinched. “Do you want to get a divorce?”

 My jaw dropped open as I stared at him. “Neal you can’t . . . What? No, I don’t want a fucking divorce.”

 I got to my feet as he stared at me. He stood up, walking to my closet and started to pull out my things.

 “Neal, what in seven hells are you doing? I don’t want a divorce!” I yelled again trying to stop him.

 “That’s the only way I know how to protect you. We could get divorced, you would have to get a new identity, and I would leave you enough money that you wouldn’t have to worry. Once Selena and Justin found out they would most likely have you killed. You speak French right? France could be good for you, the shopping, the—”

 “Shut up you asshole! We have vows. I’m not divorcing you. I would rather have them kill me.” His words stung, and I tried to fight the tears that were building up in my eyes as he pulled me in and kissed me hard, but it was only when he broke away from my lips did he finally truly look at me.

 He kissed my forehead and I stayed in his embrace. I loved his arms. I felt protected, and loved, and special.

 “I love you, Olivia, I truly do,” he whispered. “But I love my family more. If it came down to Selena and Justin and this family, I have to choose them. It’s in my blood to choose them. I want you at my side, but you need to understand that we are family and we are pawns. Selena and Justin rule, which means when they call, you answer. They tell you to jump and you try to reach the sky.”

 “Neal—”

 He pulled back so I could stare into his eyes “No. Listen to me Olivia. Just because I am firstborn does not give me any right to be Ceann na Conairte. I don’t want to be Ceann na Conairte. Selena and Justin were born on the dark side of the moon. They enjoy this life. They watch people burn in their beds. When they aren’t doing that, they are making sure needles stay in people’s arms and coke in their noses. That is all they do all the time. It’s what you do when you’re the Ceann na Conairte. I watched our father go half-mad because of what he was forced to do. I’ve watched my mother dip herself in cement just so she could stand beside him and not break. She wasn’t always so tough. This life changes us. It forces us to become cold-blooded and not to care for anyone but the family. I handle being a sidekick, because I don’t want to walk so deeply in the dark. I do not want us to walk so deeply in the dark.”

 “So what am I supposed to do?” I hissed, breaking out of his hands. “Bow down to them as though they are King and Queen.”

 He looked at the clothes on the ground and then at me. “You have three options—bow, hide, or die, Olivia. So yes, you will bow down and kiss the ring like we all do. You will jump when they ask, come when they call, and anything else. Or, you can be packed by the time I get back.”

 He walked past me and toward the door before turning again. “I knew when you married me that you loved the idea of power just as much as you did me. I knew you wanted all the things that came with being a Callahan. I’ve tried to give it all to you, but you need to understand Olivia, you are not the queen, you are the princess. You will always be the princess. You may wear a tiara, but it will never be as big or as shiny as Selena’s. Hopefully you love me enough to be just Princess.”

 “Neal—” He slammed the door.

“I do love you,” I whispered to myself. Falling to my knees, I gathered my things and put them back into the closet.

 Tracing my tattoo on my wrist, I sighed. He was right. I did love the idea of power when we got married. I was so excited to be marrying a Callahan, and Neal Callahan at that. I thought all my pain would go away. But in the back of my mind, I could still hear his voice sometimes. He was like this never-ending part of me that wouldn’t go away. No matter how many times I tried to wash him off me, he was still there. I married Neal for a lot of reasons. First because I really did love him, and second, because I knew he wouldn’t dare come after me as a Callahan. I thought I could have it all—the fame, the husband, and the protection. Neal thought it was his fault we couldn’t have children, but the truth was it was mine. It was because of what that monster and his friends did to me. They broke me.

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 Even after all this time, I still couldn’t speak about it. I felt disgusted with myself, and at first I thought Neal would be, too. I knew better now. I knew he loved me, which is why I knew he would hunt him down. I just didn’t know if I was ready to face that darkness yet. Selena had taken the seat I wanted, but I had Neal. I still hated her, but I had Neal and I wasn’t ready to lose him yet either. So I would bow and kiss the fucking ring.

 TWENTY-SIX

 “Truth will come to sight;

 murder cannot be hid long.”

 ~ William Shakespeare

 SELENA

 “I hate you,” I hissed again as I ate my French toast.

 Justin rolled his eyes, flipping the files in front of him. “We’re in public, sweetheart.”

 “They can all fuck themselves with these dull knives for all I bloody care.” I looked around his favorite restaurant to find at least ten pairs of eyes staring at us as if we were some kind of movie stars. Well, we were some kind of stars, but it was still annoying as fuck.

 “Careful, they may stop seeing you as America’s darling.” He smirked, drinking his coffee in disdain. I knew he would prefer brandy and right now, so would I.

 “They can have their fake darling back after we dump Amory and Saige’s bodies in one of the Great Lakes,” I said in Irish.

 “Patience, love.”

 Gripping the knife in my hands, I felt my nostrils flare. “To hell with patience. It’s been four months since their wedding. Since then, they have burned half our fields in Mexico, killed seven of our men in Italy, and cut off thirty percent of our weed from the east. Which you should know costs us about a hundred million every week. I want their heads on a stake, and I want it fucking yesterday. But somehow, you fucking convinced me to wait. So fuck you and fuck them and fuck this goddamn hat I have to fucking wear!”

 I wanted to take off the giant yellow sun hat and throw it at him, but that would bring too much attention to myself. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to breathe. The past four months had been an all-out war. The Valero were coming at us with everything they had. We expected as much. However, with the cops now watching us more than ever, our actions were limited. The Valero were most likely behind that as well, but right now, I was ready to bomb the police station, kill the Valero, and move on. But instead, I was in a stupid five star restaurant, waiting on the motherfucking real housewives of Chicago for some charity shit.

 “First, that is a lot of fucks. Second, your hat is nice.” He smirked as I glared. “And we will find an opening soon. However, right now the plan we came up with last night is the one we’re sticking with.”

 “I was high off sex and couldn’t think straight,” I snapped, drinking the sorry excuse for tea they offered me.

 “But that is where all our master plans are created.”

 “Really? Isn’t that where you came up with the plan to pump more heroin into Boston? Now the mayor is involved.”

 He leaned back in his chair with no care in the world. “That’s only because his idiot daughter went and overdosed. He’s busy blaming dealers as if we held the needle to her arm. His bad parenting is apparently our fault. Mayor or no mayor, it was a good idea. The demand is growing.”

 “Justin.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “We keep going like this, we are going to be stretched too thin. We can’t fight Chicago and Boston with Valero still screwing us. The mayor is going to be doubling down his efforts to trace it.”

 “Fine,” he hissed, leaning in. “We stay neutral for now. We have a shipment coming in tonight that I will redirect and hold. But the moment the Valero are out of the picture, we are pushing hard.”

 “Deal. In the meantime, we can up the weed. The shit is almost legal anyway, and both coasts are addicted.” Weed was as good as gold now. We sold to medical pharmacies where it was legal, and small street gangs where it wasn’t.

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“Then it’s settled . . .” He paused causing me to look over at the door where Commissioner Andrew fucking Patterson made his way toward us.

 “Who do you call when it’s the police who are stalking you?” I sighed, looking over to Justin, who glared at the man approaching.

 “Us.”

 Commissioner Andrew fucking Patterson placed two sliver badges on the table, causing Justin and me to share a quick glance.

 “Shiny.” Justin snickered, taking a sip of his coffee. “Is there a reason why you are putting that filth on my table?”

 Patterson looked like he had aged at least ten years in the last four months. “The officers your men killed today were fresh out of the academy.”

 “You should be careful of what you accuse people of Commissioner,” I hissed, looking around the room once more. No one could hear us, but he was being fucking stupid.

 “You even had their families killed, didn’t you?” He laughed bitterly, ignoring me completely.

 “Commissioner—”

 “A six year old girl now has no family, thanks to you! I know you’re the ones behind Pope and Jeffery! You people are sick! You will burn in hell!”

 “Commissioner! Have you lost your mind?” Justin yelled, standing up as two guards walked toward us.

 “Maybe I have!” the man yelled as the guards held him back. “But you won’t remain untouchable forever! One day, someone is going to make you all pay for your crimes.”

 “Get this man out of here, he is upsetting my wife!” Justin screamed as the guards pulled him away.

 Upsetting me? Fuck that, this shit was funny as hell but I could play the damsel in distress. I guess.

 “Fuckin’ Callahans wouldn’t be in power forever! Just wait, someone is gonna pay you back tenfold, and I will laugh, you monsters!” he said, like the joker was on ?shrooms.

 “Get him out!” Justin roared again, while I placed my hand to my heart like a good damsel in distress.

 When he was gone, the manager ran toward us, bowing so low you would think he was trying to kiss Justin’s cock . . . jeez. Since when did we live in Japan?

 “I am so sorry, Mr. Callahan, please . . .”

 “It’s not a problem. Please, just keep that man away from our family,” Justin said before taking a seat back down. He waited for the room to return to order before staring at me with hard eyes.

 “You were the one who ordered it?” he asked me in Irish.

 “Yes,” I replied back, unsure about why he looked like I was the one he wanted to kill. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You let the girl live.”

 Sitting up straighter, I glared back. “She wasn’t home, and I wasn’t going to hunt her down. She is six fucking years old.”

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 “Then you should have waited until she was home,” he hissed, moving to the edge of his chair. “I don’t care if she was six or twenty-six. She is his family and therefore should be dead—”

 “You make it seem like that one girl has any power,” I snapped back at him. He needed to calm the fuck down before I stabbed him here and now.

 He stared at me as if I had lost my mind. “She is the daughter of a cop, a blue blood. She isn’t a threat now, but what about in twenty years when she is out of the academy? She will be like a bloodhound looking for revenge. Children grow up, and unless you know something I don’t, we are going to be around in twenty years. I will not have the past bite us in the ass. After all, look at you. You were six once, and what happened to you then changed your life forever. You are the last person I thought I would ever have to explain who we are or what we do.”

 He stood up and kissed me on the side of the check harshly for those who might still be watching, before whispering in Irish, “Stay here, my mother has arrived. I will take care of it.”

 He fucking sounded disappointed in me. Who does this motherfucking bitch think he is? Did he just sit me? I was the fucking Boss, and I sure as hell didn’t take orders. Coraline, Olivia, and Evelyn walked in with a whole group of other charity woman before I could beat his head in. Each one of them smiled and laughed as though they were breathing a different sort of air.

 “Ladies, isn’t my youngest, handsome?” Evelyn said, giving Justin a big hug.

 Justin laughed but it was his fake laugh, the one he did for crowds. “The most handsome, some say.”

 They all laughed at him while I eyed his skin, wondering where would be the best place to impale him.

 “The cockiest as well.” Evelyn grinned.

 “I shall take that compliment.” He winked at a few of the older ladies, forcing me to act like an embarrassed wife and smack him in the chest. I was not in the mood to play this stupid game.

 “We’ve had our breakfast. Honey, don’t you have business to take care off?” I dug my nails into his skin but the bitch didn’t even flinch.

 “You all had breakfast already?” Coraline asked us, looking to our table as waiters cleared it and added a new table to make room.

 “Sorry, ladies, only God knows when I would see her again after she disappears with you all. I had to at least start my morning with her.” Justin charmed is way into the cougars’ arms. They eyed him like he was a god himself. Both their facial expressions and his words made me want to puke.

 “Young love.” Olivia laughed, causing me to glare at her.

 “Goodbye, Justin.”

 “It’s already begun.” Justin laughed, kissing my hand. “I know when I’m not wanted.”

 The women aww-ed as he left, and I tried my best to actually look flattered, but my face just wouldn’t have it. Evelyn, Olivia, and Coraline all seemed to notice. Smiling at them, I took a seat as the other women all took theirs.

 “Ladies, welcome to the Seventeenth Annual W.E.W.—Women Empowering Women,” a peppy blonde announced once the ladies were seated. “I would like to thank Mrs. Coraline Callahan for once again hosting us all here. Thank you so much for everything you do.”

 I glanced at her, but she didn’t meet my gaze. Two steps forward, six steps back, for Cora.

 “How often do they hold these meetings?” I whispered to Evelyn as everyone clapped.

 “First Saturday of every month. You’ve missed quite a few,” Olivia replied before Evelyn could speak, and right on cue the peppy blonde turned to me.

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“Please give a W.E.W. welcome to the newest member, Mrs. Selena Callahan. We all know how that first year of marriage is.” They turned to me, and I forced myself to smile and blush at the plastic army in front of me.

 “Be happy you missed so many,” Evelyn whispered, causing Olivia and Coraline to snicker.

 It took a while, but finally, all the women were so caught up in their conversations that I no longer had to force myself pay attention. They had to be the saddest and most desperate women I had ever met. None of them cared about the charity. They only cared about upstaging each other in who had more money to give, just to prove how rich they are. None of them could hold a candle to any wife of a Callahan. However, they all wanted to come in second place. So if they had to feed the starving villages to be thought highly of, they would do it.

 Coraline shifted for the nineteenth time since she sat down, causing me to look her over quickly. I could tell a lot had changed in her. Her arms and legs were more toned, and she seemed much more alert and capable now. She had even cut her hair down some more, but despite all that, she still looked beautiful, almost had a movie star kind of beauty.

 “Are you ready to be working with me next, Coraline?” I asked her softly. Her eyes went wide and grinned.

 “Are you serious?” she asked, because she obviously didn’t know who I was. I didn’t joke around with things like that. I rarely joked at all, in fact.

 “Adriana said you are getting too used to her. So, yes, I am serious.”

 “Yeah, first I would have to talk to Declan—”

 “What?”

 “Declan,” she said again with a frown. “When I told him, he kind of laughed it off, and we haven’t talked about it much. But I think that’s because he doesn’t see Adriana as anything to worry about. You, on the other hand—”

 “I’m something to worry about,” I added, placing Declan on my Callahan ass-kicking list. “Have you tried making him listen?”

 She looked at me like I was crazy.

 “You do know you are a woman, correct?” I smirked. “Grab handcuffs, make him hard, tell him what you want to tell him, and then leave him there to think about it.”

 “I could never do that, Declan would be so—”

 “Horny, which you can use to your advantage. You are a motherfucking Callahan woman. You do what you want. If you want to train with me, you train with me, and if Declan doesn’t like it, remind him of the days when all he had was his hand.” I was dead serious, even though Olivia was laughing beside me. For all the improvement Coraline was enjoying, I was shocked she was still hiding behind this shell.

 “Selena, I’m not like you—”

 “No one is like me, but that’s not the point,” I interrupted, and I would keep interrupting until she found the balls to stop me.

 “It’s just that I don’t know how to be this strong person. Declan means the world to me, and I don’t want to hurt him or lose him,” she whispered, and I was tempted to drown myself in my soup.

 “If you keep focusing on how lucky you are to have Declan, then you’re going to forget how lucky he is to have you. Imagine you’re a princess and then demand to be treated like one,” Olivia replied, and I was a little confused. Since when did I get on the same page as the blow-up doll?

 “All my sons need to be knocked upside their heads every once in a while.” Evelyn gave one of her motherly smiles.

[queennicoleinboots]

Day 46 of Peter and Xara the Goat's Curse: Peter Cusses Out A Literary Agent

A/N: Extreme anger, women bigotry, making fun of the South

The whole family was in a rare mood of hatred and extreme anger. Jamie Parker was the only one halfway civil. He greeted me and warned me about his borderline psychotic family members. I thanked him.

Meanwhile, Godiva was having hot flashes. Her back was hurting her, and she was temporarily possessed by a demon. When I greeted her, she gave me this "Fuck You" look.

I frowned and wondered why I cared. Maybe I was PMSing and am sensitive to everything. I had a strong feeling someone didn't want me around today. What the hell did I do? Oh yeah, move to the South. How stupid!!!!

Godiva walked to the restroom with frustration.

I then tried to clean around Peter, but he was growling at the computer.

"I just want to make this snakeman look creepy. Why does my art betray me?!" Peter asked as he beat the computer desk once with his hammer fist. "Fuck you, photofuck you piece of shit." He slammed the computer desk with his fist again.

"Hi Peter. Is your artwork cursed?" I asked as I dusted the furniture.

"Yes!!! And so the fuck am IIIII!!!!" Peter said as he threw a pencil across the room. "Asshole program. I didn't fucking ask for this bullshit."

I chuckled. "I'm sure it's fine." I said.

"No it's not! I haaaaaate it!" Peter yelled as he crumbled up a piece of paper and threw it across the room. He then saved the progress of his photoshop art and walked away from the computer desk. Then, he jumped up and down and chanted in anger, "Son of a bitch! Why are all my talents going to shit?!" He screamed.

Tug laid down and hid his head under his paws.

"I love your artwork, Peter," I said as I looked at him. "I want copies of all your artwork."

Peter then smiled sadistically. "Sure!" he said while making a rainbow hand motion. "How about if I shit on a canvas and give it you?!" he asked sarcastically.

"Actually, it would be a masterpiece. Please make me shit art," I said with a grin.

"Oh brother," Peter said as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He stared at the wall intently with glowing green eyes.

His phone started ringing normally.

He sighed with rage as he made an air-choking motion. He stormed to get the phone. "Yes mother," he mumbled before he answered the phone. "Yes. Mother."

"Please buy some immodium. I am stuck on this God-forsaken toilet. I have diarrhea. I have hot flashes. I hate everything and everyone," Godiva said over the phone.

"Yes, Mother. I hate everything and everyone, too. I am going to shit on a canvas," Peter said before he changed his facial expression to a clown face. "Say, can you save some of your diarrhea for my canvases?"

"Fuck no, you asshole," Godiva said as she hung up on him.

He looked at his phone with contempt on his face before he said, "Fuck you, too."

"Fuck her indeed. What a bitch," I said.

"Yeah. Want to come to the store with me and get away from my God-forsaken parents? My dad's been up everyone's ass. I know he can't help it, but fuck," Peter said.

"Yes, please," I said as I walked into the front of the house.

A wild caller called Peter's phone. The Pokemon battle theme song started playing.

Peter picked up the phone and said, "Who the fuck is this?" before he answered. "Helloooo?"

"Hello. Is this Peter W. Parker?" the female caller asked in a sexy voice.

"Yes, but I'm not in the mood for that kind of call. Who the fuck are you?" Peter asked.

I chuckled.

Jamie rolled to me and asked, "Is Peter leaving soon? Please tell me he is. His twin mother is bad enough. Keep him away from me."

I nodded.

"Oh. Cherri Pye. Yes. Haha. Maybe I'm in the mood for that kind of call after all. What did you think of my novel?...What do you mean you need me to come over to finish the job??? ... Look, you've gotta be fucking with me... My novel isn't detailed enough???" Peter asked through gritted teeth as he was clenching the phone. I heard the plastic crumble. "What? What? You're rejecting my novel because it doesn't fully describe sperm consistency?... Oh yeah because most erotica describes the viscosity of sperm and cinnamin.... Give me a fucking break you specific bitch... Describe the consistency of YOUR cunt..., cunt. Haha. You couldn't FUCKING PAY ME ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE AND/OR REINACT Arlie's technique you fuckin' fuckin' Bitchasaurus Rex. You're as bad as my fucking cunt mother. All women are all alike, USELESS TWAT whores. They have two purposes... sex and slavery. Possibly a third, but I'm sterile so fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck you.... Yeah. The only fuckin' reason I sent you a copy of my manuscript is because you are a piece of ass... Well, you coulda got fucked in your asshole if you had *juuuuust* accepted my novel proposal you dumb cunt bitch whore slut..... Not my fault. That's your decision, NOT MINE!!!" Peter was making hand gestures and pointing as he bent his knees and leaned over the air.

I laughed. These are things I wanted to say to Godiva more often that not. I swear she is like Cersei Lannister in the Game of Thrones, a complete passive-aggressive, cunty, manipulative, and attractive bitch. Peter at this point is like Jamie Lannister, a man who tries to be honorable but had this massive asshole streak that gets him in constant trouble.

The Pokemon battle theme song died.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!!! I'm not writing that in my novellll. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. I'm not writing that either. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of you. Fuck your damn ideas!!!!" Peter sung over the phone.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! I'm not sitting on that toiletttt. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. I'm not sitting there either. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of you. Fuck this fucking bathroom!!!!" Godiva sung in the bathroom.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! My family is full of assholes. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. I'm too sick for this shitttt!!! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of them. Fuck this fucking hoouuusse!!!" Jamie sung as he wheeled out of the house.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! These humans are fucked-up. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. How did I get here? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of thissssss!!! Fuck these fucking people!!!" Tug sung as he bolted to the other side of the house away from his asshole family.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! The Parkers are fucked today. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. What is wrong with them? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of this joooobbbbbbbb!!!! Fuck these fucking asshats!!!!" I sung as I watched Peter violently smash his phone to hang up with his large hand.

"Fuck you. I still need immodium and to get away from humanity. My. Back. Is Killing. Me," Godiva said. "And get the newspaper."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!!! Why are you a fucking bitch?! Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. You exist to drive me insane!!!! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of menoooopaaaauuuuusssse!!!! Fuck the hell out of woooommmmmmeennn!!!" Peter and I sung before we left the house.

Peter sat in the driver seat of his silver Toyota Highlander. I sat in the front seat.

"Ugh. Fuck this car. Your damn therapist gave you this fucking car," I said.

"Cool. Go buy me a better vehicle," Peter said as he drove and rolled his eyes.

"I would if I could, asshole," I said.

"I'm sure! I'd only pay you a dollar for it. Haha," Peter said.

"You're a piece of shit, Peter," I said as I glared at him.

"That's how much I paid my therapist," he said.

"You're full of shit," I said.

A growling walrus ring tone erupted from my phone.

"What the fuck was that?" Peter asked.

"That's Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig!" I exclaimed before I answered. "BAE WHUHHHH!!!"

"Bae love. How are you?" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig asked as he was half-asleep.

"I'm alive. You sound like you're half-awake," I said.

"I am," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said.

"LEARN TO FUCKING DRIVE, COCKSUCKER!!!!!!" Peter yelled.

I cracked up.

"Oh God. Peter sounds fucked up," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said with a laugh.

"He really is. Every fucking day," I said as I laughed. I was slaphappy at that point.

"Goddamn driver mother fucker!" Peter yelled as he honked. "Fucking idiots!!!"

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig laughed. "That's what you get when you drive in Georgia. I'm going to drive with them soon. I really could use two more hours of sleep, but fuck it. I'm trying to wear myself out."

"Come to the Parker residence. They'll wear you the fuck out quickly. They're the Asshole Family," I said to the tune of the Addam's Family.

"Oh go fuck yourself," Peter said.

"Was that directed to me or a driver besides yourself, Peter?" I asked.

"Either or," Peter said with a chuckle.

"I won't keep you. I need to shop for food. I love you, Bae," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said.

"Love you, Boo," I said.

"Whuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and I chanted. The walrus bear pig hung up.

"Agggggggghhh!!!! Dammit. I'm going a few miles down the road, and the traffic is unreasonable!" Peter yelled.

"Yep. I hate driving in this fucking place," I said.

There was a rare awkward silence between us. We stared at the road with full disgust.

When we arrived at the Walmart parking lot, there was more traffic bullshit. People were pulling in and out of parking spots and of course nearly running into each other in the process. These folks were the epitome of dumb motherfuckers.

Peter and I sighed our trademark sighs as we were driving through the parking lot.

All of a fucking sudden, a car pulled out of the parking lot, and Peter and I practically teleported to the inside of the Walmart building. Our ass was sticking out of the Grocery side of Wal-Mart's building. The front of the car was lodged in the Subway restaurant's wall.

"What the fuck was that? How does that even happen?!" Peter and I asked simultaneously as we hyperventilated.

The people in Subway stared at us as though we were aliens. I looked at them like they were retarded. I didn't choose to be lodged in a fucking building that day.

Peter sighed before he freaked out. "Oh God! This reminds me a year and a half ago when my brakes stopped working in the Lincoln. Stupid son of a bitch car! Now THIS happens!" he said with wide eyes as he began to foam at the mouth.

I laughed nervously and looked at him.

The area around us caught fire.

"Oh shit! 9-11!!! Super Coping Man! Help me!" a middle-aged woman screamed as she saw the front of the Highlander burst into flames. Peter W. Parker used to be Super Coping Man.

"Run away!" a middle-aged man screamed as he hauled ass out of Subway.

"Today was a bad day for 'Take Your Son To Work Day,'" his son said as he ran with his dad.

"I just got a promotion, too!" a black man yelled as he ran out of Subway and then went shopping.

"I shouldn't have gone to work today!" another black man said as he ran out the door.

A piece of the fender fell off as the front of the car was sweltering. Some of the drywall around us was falling onto the car and bouncing to the ground.

Peter started swearing as he beat the steering wheel. He reminded me of myself on most occasions. I'll admit that more than ever, I beat on my steering wheel when I am frustrated while in a car.

"I can't believe this! I was driving, and this happens. Wow. I cannot catch a break any fucking where! And I hope I don't have to sit and fix this fucking drywall that is RANDOMLY FALLING FROM THE WALL!!!!"

His phone rang. It was his mother calling. "Yes, mother dearest," Peter said with a sarcastic smile.

"Did you remember to pick up the newspaper?!" Godiva asked.

"Yes, mother. I'm on my way now," Peter said as he smiled more widely.

"Okay, asshole. I am on the toilet," Godiva said. We heard the diarrhea fly out of her butt.

Peter said quietly. "And I'm in a burning fucking car." He was smiling insanely at that point.

I saw Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown heading toward us.

"Yes, mother. Let me get out of the check-out line... Uh-huh. Bye bye now," Peter said before hanging up. He looked at the phone and said, "Bitch."

"My God she needs to chill the fuck out," I said. "Should we even bother to get out of the car?"

"Unfortunately yes," Peter said as he got out. "Let's go shopping."

We left the car while we encountered Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown.

"Hey guys! I'm Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown. May I fix your car for a nominal fee?" Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown asked.

Peter looked at Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown and then at his Highlander that was burning and melting the steel. The back doors completely fell off. He laughed like Tom Hanks did in the movie, Money Pit. I laughed with him because I, too, was nervous.

"If you can fix this car, go right ahead," Peter said as he started to go shopping.

I followed him as we went shopping. Everyone looked at us weirdly, but it wasn't unusual. The fact that we just got out of a burning car wasn't the weirdest thing people looked at us for. The weirdest thing we got looked at for was so weird that it can't really be put into English.

Peter and I were already looked at as aliens in good ole Georgia. Peter was born in Georgia, but somehow he's still an alien. Okay, because that makes sense. #whattheactualfuck?

Peter grabbed today's newspaper and the immodium and paid for it. We then went to the car that Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown magically fixed.

"Oh wow! The car looks brand new! What's the fee?" Peter asked with happiness.

"Tomorrow, you have to fix the drywall that fell from the wall," Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown said.

"Nooooooo!!!!" Peter said while he started to cry. His face literally embraced the cry.

"Sorry, buddy. That's the fee for fixing the car," Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown said.

Peter continued to cry while I gave him a hug and said, "There, there." three times.

"Peter, Peter, Peter," I said. "It will be okay. It's just one day of drywalling."

He stopped crying and sniffled a bit. "I know, but that's bad enough," he said.

"It is," I said.

"Thank you, Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown," Peter said before his mother called again. "Mom! What?!"

I rolled my eyes. "She's making me nervous," I said.

"Yes, Maaaahhhhmmm," Peter said as he rolled his eyes.

"I thought you said you were on your way. Where the fuck are you? Where's my newspaper?" Godiva asked.

"I'm on 124, Maahhhhhm. There's a stupid amount of traffic, and a clown is holding everyone up on the road," Peter said as he was beating himself with the newspaper.

"Oh I hate that damn road!" she said. "Get home, you asshole."

"Love ya, too, bitch," Peter said.

She hung up on him. He hung up on her.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," Peter said.

We got in the car and drove the fuck away from Smellville's Wal-Mart.

"Your mother is fucking unbelievable today," I said as I sighed.

"She and every goddamn thing else. If it weren't for Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown, we would have had to walk home. Clowns are a blessing," Peter said.

True. Thank God for Car-Repairing clowns," I said.

"Yeah, really," Peter said with a chuckle.

We remained quiet for the rest of the drive. We were too stressed to handle anything else until we got to the Parker residence.

Peter and I sighed before we exited the car. Peter went ahead of me. He stormed inside, and I followed him like I always do.

When I walked in, I saw Godiva take immodium.

"Thank you. And the paper?" Godiva asked.

"The newspaper! The newspaper! Don't forget the newspaper!" Peter yelled before taking the newspaper out of the bag and beating Godiva with it. Peter's voice became three octaves higher as he screamed, "Here's your newspaper! Here's your newspaper! Here's your newspaper!!!"

Godiva was flat on the bed and staring at Peter with wide eyes.

"Paper! Paper! Paper!" Peter yelled in the same high octave as he continued to beat her with the newspaper. I was jealous. I wanted him to beat me with the newspaper.

[unholyoffspringofcereal]

Less Wordy

So on a less wordy note than before, it has come to my attention that most all of the mistakes I’ve made in my life have been because of thinking I was right too much. If I had just been able to remove myself from that mindset, and actually truly considered I was in the wrong, I could have stopped a whole lot of hurt from beating the only person I care about in the face. Like, I’ve know this before now, my personality reshaped to include this new truth by the hammer of experience and the weight of guilt behind its strikes, but I was just now able to put it into words.

On a different note, it’s amusing that I would say ‘just’ remove myself from a mindset, because there is nothing ‘just’ or ‘only’ about doing that. It’s fucking hard if you don’t know what it means or how to do it, listening to an adult sit there and say the words to you. Know what I mean?

I used to believe that I should make my decisions in the heat of passion, of feeling, so that I would stand by my choices with true conviction, borne of powerful emotion and difficult to sway. Now, some years later and hopefully a bit wiser, I know that passion in your decisions is an excellent thing to have, it gets things done where simple logic fails, but it is secondary to other things, like finding the correct road to travel down. Make sure your head is cool. Look at what is happening from the position of a complete stranger on a warm day, sitting underneath the old oak tree and listening to the words of your story carried on the morning breeze. When you are considering your own reasoning, passion is a hindrance, because it disrupts organization and thus lessens chances of solid logic. You must be methodical, because it will allow you to lay out the facts in such a way your emotions can break free and be just in their understanding. Good logic is imperative.

On the other hand, getting from point A to point B is nigh impossible in the middle of conflict, and so ‘just calming  down’ is heard as a patronizing thing to say to a foolish child instead of the meaningful connotations (I love you, I don’t want to hurt you, please see things from my point of view, please understand this is as hard for me as it is for you). This is the case with much in life, unfortunately, because people so often forget to see the other side of things. It has been a flaw I have carried, even carried knowingly, for years now, and still it is often that I succumb to it.

I would like to be able to say I calm down by doing this or that or imagining a nice tree, but truthfully it isn’t quite that simple, and I’m pretty sure there isn’t exactly one technique to use to get out of any and every situation. They always say do something to get your mind off of things, but it is clinical and detached, much like you aspire to be at that moment. More of a you’ll understand when you manage it type of thing. I think half of my problems with my temper came from my superiority complex, discarding the opinions of all who came before and might have had useful things to say, and half from positive reinforcement to it by a figure I had elevated to something like god-hood in my own mind. But, I digress.

I can offer this advice for dealing with things like this, though its usefulness will undoubtedly not be as applicable for some situations as it is for others. I speak of total sensory deprivation. Have you ever heard of those old sword masters or martial art teachers who were all like “Be the sword” or the water or the dragonfly or whatever? Their purpose was slightly different than mine and yours, but similar. They wanted their students to meditate on what it meant to be that creature. What made up the entirety of its existence, why did it do like it did? What would it feel like to become the object of scrutiny? And so on and so forth. 

The idea I have come up with is to focus on one object or one task, one may be easier than the other, to the exclusion of everything else. People fall into certain groups: auditory, visual, tactile, verbal, etc. The meaning there is that people think in different terms, and so some of you may find it easier to become lost in sound, while others may become hypnotized by the swirl and flicker of lights dancing through the atmosphere, and others may find the simple repetitiveness of a task, the solidity, reliability like an old friend. I cannot tell you what kind of person you are, you must discover that for yourself, but anyone can use anything; certain things will simply be easier for you than others.

To use this, focus completely on this one thing. It doesn’t need to be complicated or simple, or even something you remember really well or even a memory at all. It could be white noise, or a beautiful symphony, or squiggles or a game or any number of things. Whatever it is, try to think deeply about it, think about color or size or feel or how loud or soft or high or low or sad or bright, lose yourself in the sea of questions. Eventually, a stray thought will bring you back to reality and you will, hopefully, be calmer. This will take patience, and it will feel disorienting when you first return to the waking world, so to speak. It will probably be confusing, and your first thought may be to return to your passion of  earlier. Speaking from experience, please do not, and I mean that in the least aggressive way possible. You do not wish to undo all progress.

Also, be cautious about when and where you attempt to implement this. It can be very unhelpful, distracting, even dangerous if you try to remove yourself from the world when there are pressing matters demanding your attention Right This Second, And I Mean NOW, or if you were in the middle of a task or conversation or whatever.

Now, this has little to do with any of the above, mostly in tangent, actually, so you can ignore it if you want. 

I got to thinking earlier, about laws of physics, which is a great class, fun subject in my opinion. Newton was really smart, so were all of these other people. They knew more than they knew (hehe). For instance, Newton’s Third Law. C’mon all you nerds, say it with me, be proud for knowing this. Or not, whatever floats your boat.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Pretty basic stuff when talking physics, in all honesty, but the building blocks are often important at all levels, and you don’t get much more important than this. Anyway, I was thinking about how this is true with people too. For every harsh word you deal to someone, the result is inflicted on you as well as them. I saw this really amazing thought one time on this sight, a post of screencaps and legends, of how the universe is naught but an egg, and the world is nothing but a playground for one person. You. Or me. Or us. 

The idea was that all people were one and the same, Jesus and his followers, Hitler and those killed under his orders. It was kinda sobering, and definitely a bit awe inspiring, and then somewhat self-knowledge-realizing for me, because I hadn’t really thought twice about being a dick before that and it made me feel like a major prick for needing something like that to kick-start my empathy, but I digress.

If every action has an equal and opposite reaction, then my changing of myself must have had a reaction somewhere too, right? Okay, so we all have that one friend that’s way too nice but always thinks their Satan incarnate, or at least we’ve heard of one, right? Okay, so when something bad happens, usually they end up blaming themselves, even though it had nothing to do with them, and trying to change to prevent such a thing from happening again. Sometimes these people are truly innocent, and sometimes I feel like a child before the choice they made to try and believe the way they do, but I digress. Man I say that a lot.

You get my point. Now, imagine if said person were to get into a conflict with an asshole just because the asshole was feeling assholish and mulish? Same reaction still, right? They’d try to change to better accommodate to ensure there would be  at the very least fewer repetitions. Now, in this hypothetical situation, the jackass manages to turn their asshole head from literal to just a head and decided they needed a reality check, fast, and made a change for the better. Well, even so, the changes to the other person have already happened, and the pain and suffering they have gone through now has only had the purpose of shaping an asshole into a more decent human being.

This was the feeling I felt, every day, and it still could never compare to the feeling I have caused. Something I have to remind myself when I get too out of sorts and start to cause trouble: grief cannot be measured on a scale, two negatives don’t cancel each other out because to each person pain is felt differently, and no two pains are exactly the same. That, and to remember that sometimes bad things just happen. There doesn’t have to be a because to the why, or sometimes that because is just somebody being an ass-hat. But you can choose to give something meaning, make it more than a worthless sacrifice. If you remember the things you put others through, and the emotions you yourself felt, you can make that pain perhaps worth more than stupidity.

I believe that you cannot meet hate with hate, or with dispassion, or even with love. You must first greet hate with empathy. You must turn around and ask why could this be, and only when you have understood, when you can know why someone did what they did, you may choose where to go from there. Not all things deserve forgiveness or love, just as very few things deserve unbridled hatred. This is a lesson of  which I forget so so so often it’s barely funny.

Wow. Okay, so less wordy was a bit of a misnomer, but I think I’ll keep it for the irony. I’d like to make multiple posts for this, but I think I’d probably screw it up and honestly, who cares. Thanks for reading, or ignoring as the case may be. Whichever, I wish you a most sincere see you later, because good-byes are not to be bandied around foolishly.