#bean soup sounds good rn lmao

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Why Do I Feel Uncomfortable, Media Literacy, & The Crime of Opinions

(This is something I've had half-finished in my documents for a couple months now that I decided to try and finish up tonight. Just some thoughts that have been percolating)

...

Recently, I’ve been beginning to pre-film some reactions, that are perhaps more akin to commentary or media analysis videos, of the new live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender. Coming at it as a nostalgic fan of the original animated series, long-time lover of media (television in particular has always been a love of mine), and as someone with a background in many creative areas – From writing (personal screenwriting, WIP novels, fanfic + more), as well as art (digital, traditional, multimedia, ceramics, prop making, etc.), sewing, SFX makeup, practical effects whore (enthusiast), and too much more to list.

But though I’ve only watched and filmed two episodes at the time of writing this, I’ve noticed something; I continually apologize for not loving it. And/or apologize if I am possibly, maybe, by chance, coming off too harshly or negatively.

But why?

The point of a reaction video, of any opinion piece, is just that: opinion.

So why is there this nagging notion of feeling like I should not be ‘negative’?

Or more acutely:

Why do I feel uncomfortable with expressing discontent with a creative work?

To be clear before I go into things, this bit of writing will not be a review of the series as I have not yet finished it (nor has it yet been so egregious that I feel called to DNF it), and cannot thusly have a fully-formed concept of my overall thoughts just yet. Rather, this will be about the question posed above; an examination of myself, the current state of online reactions towards expressed discontent, and an overall rambling, hypothesizing bit of writing on the topics at hand.

…

Firstly, and most obviously, I think some of the feeling stems from the clear signs of hard work put into this particular series. While the overall outcome (thus far) may have failings, it is not the fault of the many talented artisans and creatives employed, and I do not want it to come across as though I am discounting the very good work those folks have done.

Secondly, I feel as though it worthy to mention the dreaded society-as-a-whole aspect of my discomfort. Growing up as a neurodivergent child in the very early 2000s, being ‘ungrateful’ or showing discontent was not often a ticket into being deemed as ‘good’. It was far more often the kind of behavior that landed you on the road to being labeled as ‘difficult’.

With so much of how things ‘worked’ for others being an absolute mystery to me, it’s really no wonder that I, along with many others (especially those who are also neurodivergent and/or AFAB), learned that we should limit our ‘negative’ expressions. That if we do express them, we must be perfectly eloquent, calm, and poised in order to be taken seriously and receive any semblance of the benefit of the doubt.

While a calm, well-thought portrayal of one’s feelings may be generally accepted as good conduct and, obviously, usually the best way to keep the neutral attention of those listening to you, it is of course the expectation, particularly for those raised and socialized as girls/women that are expected, even in distressing circumstances or obviously valid emotional turmoil, to act quietly and calmly in order to be listened to. So the difference of course lies, like with all things, in the context of any given situation.

This quite obviously is touching on the subject of misogyny overall, but as that is both widely discussed and I assume, generally understood by those who’d click on this post, I do not feel the need to delve into that particular wormy can – other than pointing out the intersection of being unaware and unable to control who exactly will view what you post online – especially an algorithm-based site where one may not even have to be looking for your particular posts.

Thirdly, and the one I feel most interested to discuss here, is the general attitude online – where of course, I intend to eventually post what I have been pre-filming.

I stumbled across a video on YouTube titled “booktok, brainrot, and why it’s okay to be a hater” by alisha not alihsha and it really kickstarted some thoughts I’ve been having for a while, but before we breakdown some of my thoughts here, I also want to mention @/ briana.glynn on TikTok (also @/ briaiswriting on Insta, Threads, and Storygraph).

While I cannot find the first post I saw by them, I remember fondly the way it made me feel – relief. A weight off my shoulders. To read from the page of someone who states their perceptions and opinions as they are: a byproduct of human existence. All well-written and concise – from a point of effort and not obligation (re: the above tangent on societal expectations). The feeling it invoked in me was the starting point of this blogpost in some sense.

Some may feel as though this is a silly topic; but I could not personally disagree more. Media and the arts as a whole have always been humanity’s main though line to self-expression. Art itself can help us understand the world around us, ourselves, and the people who may surround us. Whether by what society may call more ‘innocent’ means, or as an act of rebellion and revolution. The whole of human experience can be witnessed if one had enough time to view all we have made.

Which is precisely why the growing trend of attacking those with opposing opinions is so glaringly concerning. There would be little point in trying to psychoanalyze the root or overall cause of these behaviors within this blogpost, but I know for me, upon self-reflection after my pre-filmed episodes, it is fear.

Fear of being attacked.

Fear of being different.

The internet has allowed people to find those who share similar ideals, ideas, and ways of life (for better or worse), and with that, I think we’re seeing the natural rise to cling onto that initial sense of belonging. From the hyper-specific aesthetics and ‘core’’s, to the echo that might just be ringing in all out ears:

“Why can’t you just let people enjoy things?!”

Tiffany Ferg, along with many others like Mina Le have discussed the topic in their own video essays on the concept of ‘the rising lack of media literacy’.

It would be surprising if anyone with their head up the internet’s ass didn’t know what I meant when I mention ‘the bean soup of it all’.

So where am I going with this, and what do I think it all means?

               In short: I think we’ve created a reactionary, bad-faith, negative feedback loop of assumptions, instead of taking time to think and process what exactly we – meaning internet users as a whole – are consuming, and what is being said.

               To be more elaborative:

The looming presence of cancellation, and the very human fear of being disliked.

I know at this point, most of us are tired of hearing about ‘cancel culture’ (myself included), as well as increasingly aware of it’s overall ineffectiveness as a tool for education and growth. But that weight of being shunned or shamed by online (and sometimes IRL) society can create fear even for those who would never fall into the ‘cancelation’ parameters. To be human is to make mistakes. To learn. It is through our failings and our experiences that we broaden our perspectives and grow throughout our lives – but with something like cancel culture, the threat of being denied growth looms overhead.

And the folly of being human, is that we are bound to royally fuck up at least once in our lives – probably more than once. Perhaps enough times we become unable to keep count. But being uneducated is not a crime; it is the lack of willingness to learn when the opportunity is available, after a gap in one’s knowledge is presented to them by the appropriate parties, that can be the true tell of things.

This is not, of course, to say that it is not sometimes justified to remove the public support of someone voicing harmful opinions out into the world, particularly when they have a wide influence. But rather - well, let me borrow one of my father’s favorite phrases:

“It is not what you do, but the intensity at which you do it.”

Which is really the hard pill of it all, isn’t it? Its not that the show or removal of support is wrong, its that the intensity at which it is often preformed (particularly towards the objectively less severe offences) that ends up removing the opportunity for growth and (genuine) lessons learned in the future of that individual’s life, and creates a vacuum of fear in which we all begin to operate from – some weird sort of digital fight-or-flight.

And one might consider that if any particular individual is educated enough, and eloquent enough, they need not worry. And while to a certain extent that is definitely true, we are unable to know everything. To lack controversial opinions or ‘hot-takes’ is to limit ourselves to a stagnant loop of whatever that culture was when opinions started to be viewed moreso as attacks.

But again – context is important. One (such as me, rn) might say that: Understanding nuance, and that to be human is to contradict oneself, is one of the cornerstones of healthy communication.

If someone is sharing an opinion that is harmful, objectively false/uneducated, and/or targets a marginalized group who are literally only asking to be allowed to live their lives in peace (one may think of JK Rowling and her ‘manifesto’ of sorts as a prime example here), then that is a valid point to condemn one’s actions!

However, someone expressing their personal dislike of a piece of media, is not necessarily an attack on your tastes or you enjoying that thing. Even if the reasons they proport as to why they dislike it are objectively ‘bad’ (in the sense of lacking some fundamental understanding of the media they are consuming) in the end, it does not matter. They are allowed to feel as they will, and if they are a person who has a fundamental misunderstanding of the work, we cannot force them to want to learn. We cannot spam-comment the will to understand into them.

And sometimes, quite often, it is not so much a lack of understanding for the material, but a different set of life experiences that cause someone to process and view things differently than you. And that is not something that you can take away from someone, or ‘teach’ them to view differently.

If they would like to have an open dialogue, and invite you to share your perception with them – well, to a media nerd like me, that just sounds like good fandom fun! But to react to someone’s perception by stating your perception as fact, is a great way to “Um, actually” your way into Honorary Mansplainer, and grade-A dick, because by doing that, you paint their experience with something as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ simply for being different than yours!

Other people’s view points may hurt to hear as you come across them, they may even make you question how you feel about a particular piece of media, or events you’ve experienced IRL, and that can be very uncomfortable in certain circumstances! But it is not, in these cases, a personal attack. Though, I can certainly understand that it may feel like one.

A good example of this would be the character Spike from the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (skip this brief section (jump to the *) if you would like to avoid spoilers or mentions of SA) If I say “the bathroom scene” Buffy fans all around will cringe at the mention of it. And within minutes there will be a group of people who turn off the chat, another who discuss it calmly, and a third who quickly devolve into throwing terrible accusations at each other.

The long and short of it is, after an abusive situationship fraught with contradicting yes’s and no’s, abysmal lack of communication, and a lot of rough, depression-and-trauma-fueled sex, there comes a point where we have… The Bathroom Scene. The scene where Spike doesn’t understand that Buffy actually means “No” this time. So, during a couple of manic, painful-to-watch minutes, he pulls at her clothes, doesn’t (or refuses to hear) that her “No”’s are genuine, and Buffy responds by using her super strength to kick him off and across the bathroom. At which point Spike reaches a moment of clarity, free from his manic sort of attitude he was in, and freaks the fuck out realizing what he almost did to her – because he didn’t intend, well, that. To rape her was never his intention. She tells him to leave, and this time he does.

He spends the next couple episodes, absolutely losing his mind over what he almost did. Having to reevaluate what kind of a person he really is, and how he reached this point. And he ends up leaving, going across the world to complete deadly trials to win back his soul so that he will never be the sort of man who would come close to anything like that again. Because – oh yeah, during this whole above sections he’s a soulless demon (vampire).

So. How does this relate? Even if you’re not in the fandom, I bet you can guess.

There are some people who find Spike to be forever irredeemable, that his character is retroactively and in future, forever ruined. They cannot forgive him, and never will. There are some that will only forgive him because he (post-S6) has a soul. Some that will forgive him because Buffy (the injured party) does (I personally fall into this camp, if you were curious). And those whose opinions are unaffected by that plot point entirely, often stating that ‘it’s fiction, and therefore characters simply have to be interesting to watch in order for them to like said character’. The thing is, NONE of these opinions are wrong. They are opinions. Not stated facts. While these might be able to tell someone a bit what someone may be like as a person, or how their brain works, it cannot tell you whether that person themselves is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. That’s just not how that works.

*However, someone saying something rude about the people who like certain books/authors (one may think of Coleen Hoover and BookTok) is where things may become more murky, and the importance of analysis becomes even more vital.

At this point, the conversation has moved away from the realm of a perception on a fictional person, and gone towards a judgement of a group of people. Not inherently evil, in the case of this Colleen Hoover example, but not always pleasant either.

The truth is, it’s a hard fact of life that not everyone is going to like you or agree with you.

That is part of what makes life and our world so interesting. There is something and someone for everyone. If someone attacks you personally, or tells you to your face (or your comment section, or DMs) that they think you’re terrible because you like XYZ (Twilight, Colleen Hoover, etc), that’s obviously ridiculous and cruel, seemingly just for the sake of it. You’re not hurting anyone by liking those things, and you are allowed to enjoy things!

The difference is, when someone points out issues with a piece of media, say for example, grammatical errors, toxic behaviors, being marketed confusingly (cutesy innocent-looking cartoon covers children are oft drawn to on smut books, for example – I think the most common I’ve seen of the book cover issue is called Ice Breaker?), etc. that is their opinion, whether you like it or not, they are simply sharing what they think. They are not actually trying to stop you from enjoying things.

There seems to be this common perception nowadays that to criticize is to say: ‘Thing bad. Thing irredeemable. Thing so horrendous that if you like thing, you are a terrible person with terrible taste by proxy and you should feel shame.’

Because of the space so many people are operating from, because so much of the algorithm’s job is making sure you’re hearing people who you agree with day in and day out, we get a warped sense of what is ‘right’ or ‘true’. It’s why people can be so easily radicalized online to either end of the political spectrum. And those, particularly on the far right, use fear of the ‘other’ to keep people in line and create a warped sense of solidarity among members of that party.

And odd microcosm of that is occurring online right before us. Everything too different scares us. We see so many horrors on our screens everyday that of course we react to even ‘harmless’ other-ness (like opinions on media) with fear and harsh bad-faith reactions. We are exposed to a world of two groups: “The people who are like me, and the people who are wrong” obviously, this is a more extreme phrasing, but all of this plays into what we see online.

If you question something, then you must be part of the ‘other’ trying to hurt the cause. If you criticize something, then you ‘clearly don’t like it as much as real stans’. If you voice an unpopular opinion or hot-take that isn’t witty enough, and is just honest and phrased how the average person speaks, then you’re just a killjoy who’s trying to have fun by making everyone else feel bad about what they like.

It's like how people would get in actual screaming matches over the internet because one person liked pineapple on pizza, or did their milk & cereal in the ‘wrong order’.

We are weird, little, feral, goblin-y animals! We are supposed to be weird! And different! It is all okay as long as your opinion is not actually hurting someone! (looking at you, JKR). We are not meant to be ‘normal’! We are not robots! We do not have a set program that makes us do the same and think the same! Aggie Cromwell in Halloween Town said “Being normal is vastly overrated!” and she’s right! Normal doesn’t exist! Commonalities do! Structure does! Innovation does not happen without growth! Growth does not happen without change! And change does not happen when you’re trying so hard to be someone else’s idea of ‘good’!!!

IT IS OKAY IF SOMEONE ELSE’S OPINION IS DIFFERENT THAN YOURS!

EVEN IF IT MAKES YOU SAD OR HURTS YOUR FEELINGS THAT PEOPLE CAN’T LOVE ‘XYZ’ LIKE YOU DO!!!

YOU ARE STILL ALLOWED TO LIKE THE ‘BAD’ BOOK/MOVIE/GAME!!!

2. The perceptions of society, and how assumptions sting.

During my first year of university classes, I decided to take a film studies course. As the stereotype goes, I was the only AFAB person in the class, but I liked my professor and valued his opinions; and I’ve never been one to shy away from my passions. So little 16/17-year-old-me got ready for a whole term talking about movies (I went to Uni early). We watched a few of the first films ever made. Some of the classics like Casablanca. We did a whole section on Groundhogs Day. And through it all, I raised my hand, I talked, and I was listened to. Eventually, even the oldest guys in the class started looking more attentive when I talked. I thought I was being heard, and I thought my opinions were valued like the other people in the class.

So one day, after a lecture that made it relevant to bring up, I went to my professor and recommended him Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as it carried a lot of the themes he was particularly interested by, and paved the way for a lot of what we see today in modern TV. He kind of laughed and rolled his eyes, and I was taken aback. I told him that “Oh, yeah. I know it has a silly title, but they actually teach university courses on the series! The first season is a bit heavy on cheesiness, but by the middle of the second season it really becomes something unforgettable.” And he kind of shrugged me off. But he was older, and he’d just gotten finished teaching a long class, so I decided to let it go for the day. I’d already recommended it to my friend in the class (we’ll call him Steve), and he said he’d been enjoying it, so my hyperfixation was satisfied.

But, I’m me, so a few days later I emailed my professor about it (he’d been taken recommendations from other students, btw) I carefully wrote out a few, concise points, and even included Why You Should Watch Buffy from Passion of the Nerd on YouTube (10/10 recommend Ian’s channel btw!). I never received an email back. Which was not typical of this professor.

So a few days later, I went up to him after class and asked if he got my email, and he laughed at me, and said that he was, basically, trying to be nice before, but he was never going to watch something made for ‘teenage girls’.

               It might sound dramatic, but from someone I respected, it felt like a slap in the face.

And so I told Steve about what our Professor said, looking for comfort from a friend, expecting him to tell me that that was harsh, and rude. Instead, Steve laughed at me, and said

“Wait, you actually like it? I thought you just wanted me to watch it because the main girl looks like you.” (Nevermind that I still cannot understand why a character looking like me would be grounds for recommendation???? Perhaps if I was a raging narcissist? I really don’t know –) but he’d told me he’d been watching it, so I pressed further.

“You – but you said you liked it. So why would you think that? Why would you think that was the reason even if you didn’t like it?”

My face felt hot as I spoke to him, and I was flooded with a sense of humiliated shock. I’d honestly never experienced something like this before, I’d only seen it in movies. The sheer level of disrespect and dismissal because of my age and gender was almost comical.

I don’t remember exactly what Steve said after that. Just that it boiled down to that he liked me – as more than a friend. Which really meant he was attracted to me physically, since he clearly didn’t know much about me after almost six months of being ‘friends’.

I felt humiliated as the realization came crashing down that everyone in that class was humoring me. That to them I was just a ‘silly teenage girl’ with ‘silly teenage girl interests’ and that they would never see me differently. Even if my insights were interesting. Even if sometimes I said what the other students were thinking before they could articulate it. None of that mattered to them.

I didn’t respect any of them beyond the basic ‘you’re-a-living-person-too’ level after that.

But I kept going to class to get the grade. I kept going and talking and sharing what I thought even if none of them cared. I would not be anyone other than myself just because they couldn’t see what I had to offer. (I'm still very proud of my younger self for that :3)

I say all this to illustrate the point here:

Sometimes people will be cruel to you from a place of ignorance, social conditioning, or any number of things that have nothing to do with your personally.

Even if people try to discount you, that doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong. Not if they don’t have anything but insults to say.

You don’t need someone else to validate you or see your worth for you to be right.

The things you think, and your existence as a whole are enough. Just by virtue of you existing in this moment. Just by you staying true to yourself and not treating others poorly.

That you are allowed to change your mind about things, about people.

And,

You cannot change the minds of people who are unwilling to listen. Who are unwilling to learn.

By understanding the difference between ignorance and volume, between criticism and bullying, and between stated-as-a-fact and stated-as-an-opinion, we can learn so much, from so many brilliant people.

And it’s hard when other people are not in that headspace. And the fear and pre-experience exhaustion of having to deal with people who either want to be in, or are stuck in a knee-jerk reactionary space, well, it can cause you to do things like apologizing in your ATLA live action reaction videos for having ‘negative’ opinions.

Yes, that was a self-directed face-palm. Thank you.

But it is hard. It’s hard to navigate the world, IRL and online. And its easy to get stuck in the other extreme with this topic as well (not just reserved for politics) where you can fall into the ego-trap of starting to think you’re better than someone because you’re educated (to whatever degree, from whatever source) and they’re just ‘not even trying *pitying scoff*’.

Beware the pitfalls, my friends.

We’re all surprised that quicksand wasn’t more of an issue in our day-to-day adult life, but it turns out the real quicksand is the fucking ping pong tournament between self-flagellations and an ego trip, trying not to let yourself get more than waist deep in either pit, back and forth. If you’re lucky, you can stay in that solid, middle ground between the two, but for most of us, that’s hard. It’s work. It’s check-ins.

And you can never be perfect. (sorry, it’s true ☹)

None of this is internet-bashing either. There is so much good to be found online. But the internet is a reflection of people, which means some of it is lovely, some of it is cruel, and some of it is somewhere in between.

I have SO MUCH more I could say on this, especially in regards to the attacks against Hazbin Hotel fans (as well as the in-fandom ‘Valentino of it all’ discourse), Arcane and the Sexuality Policing that goes on, etc. But I think that’s best served for another piece of writing since that will be even more heavily colored by my own perceptions and opinions.

Regardless, I’d like to sum up my thoughts by saying that I think we all need to become more comfortable with hating things without that morphing into attacking, and with working on becoming more comfortable with seeing other people express hatred for things that we love when it’s not an attack. I’m no fucking saint, I get so wounded – deeply, personally, viscerally – when I see people hate the shows or characters that I love. When I feel like things or themes are being misrepresented or misinterpreted. It makes me want to stand up on a soap box and give 30,000 Ted Talks on why Thing Is Actually So Good, Please See It Like I Do.

But the block/’not interested’ buttons are a godsend. If someone is upsetting you or you just get ~ookie vibes~, BLOCK THEM! For no reason even! Protect your peace, but try to allow yourself to absorb alternative opinions when you have the spoons! We all have to be in the real world, so if you want your internet time to be 100% watching people build sandcastles on the beach with ocean wave ASMR, then curate that, Pookies! Ignore everything else! The internet is an endless sandbox we all get to play in, find the part of it you like, and go visit others if you feel so inclined, just don’t kick over their stuff because their shovel is a color you don’t like XD

Even with all of that, there’s probably three times as much that I forgot to say, but this is good enough for now, I might add more later, and I might write about the aforementioned Hazbin and Arcane stuff I’ve seen around, but I’m sleepy so that’s very much a maybe later thing haha

TLDR: Be nice to each other! Please! We’re all little freaks, find your niche and thrive my loves XD

[keeps-ache]

my brother left All the preservatives in the beans he made (😔) so i am now eating a package of turkey... breast it's turkey breast 👍👍

[jondeacon]

What's your favourite food for lunch? Oh do you have cooked lunches or dinners in Hungary? What type of clothing do you wear the most and find comfortable? What language would you want to master immediately if you could and why? Do you remember your first ever day in school when you were a child? Have you ever been to Slovakia? I am ready to sleep soon, but hello I am greeting you, have fun with answering the questions you can talk about what you want. :^D goodnight in advance. Sending love xoxo

Okay let the storytime begin fjdjdn

Sorry i had to use this fjfjfjf

Oooh fave lunch food, gosh thats hard, we take our lunches seriously, like nothing else but the lunch has some kind of sacred value in my country somehow lmao

But gosh we love our soups, a good ass chicken soup is always the best to start with (no seriously especially in my family its like the prime, my mom cooks a lot of it almost every weekend, its also my dad's fave soup, so whenever i visit him, he has it as well and sometimes im almost fed up with it lol), with some fine cérnametélt or csigatészta, this is the to go sunday dinner soup, though my faves are pretty bland fhfbdnd i love tomato soup, with a slight twist bc i cook it differently than my mom, and i usually put garlic and onion in it, and a lot of herbs djfnfnn, also we have this easy to make soup thats called cumin seed soup(?) and its the blandest shit ever but its so damn delicious and my mom always looks at me weird that i love it, but its seriously so delicous fnfndn

Theres also a big culture around stuffed cabbage, no shit my grandma basically demands my mom to make it each week, and its been like this for over a year and while im fine with it and i like it a lot, its just dnfndn IM KINDA GETTING TIRED lmao, but i enjoy sweet pastas a lot, we have poppyseed pasta and i love to pair it up when my mom makes jókai bean soup, that combo is the best lunch food imo, also cabbage pasta, and many people consider it a fucking crime that there are ppl who prefer it sweet, but i love me some sugary cabbage pasta uwu (we are garbage ppl dont judge fjfnf)

If im at work or outside, its tshirts, and jeans usually, and a comfy sweater, at home i love my oversized tshirts and whatever pajama pants i have around or sometimes just the underwear 😂

Hm probably swedish, idk since like everyone in sweden speaks english but i really wanna learn it like, imo its one of the coolest languages ever, and it sounds fucking cool, but i also would like to learn german and russian bc that would make me fucking powerful lmao (no but those two sound like a death threat both like sounding and grammar wise) and korean is also there, bc i didn't give up on it, and it would be nice to learn it to some basics level

I have some vague memories of it, i remember sitting next to this girl whom i considered my best friend for a very long time, and then she turned out to be my biggest bully but OH WELL

And yes ive been! :D though it wasn't rly a huge thing like, if i went to Kosice or Bratislava (bc gosh i wish i could visit those places) we went to Roznava with my dad when i was like 7 i think, and it was a bus trip sort of, we didn't do much but went around shopping, i dont remember much of it though D: also i remember that we passed the border a several times with my dad by car and we went to some kind of market place but thats really all i remember fnfnfn

No literally these were a blessing and im glad i could answer these and fnndnd omg i talk a lot but this was so fun and exactly smth that could distract me rn :')))) thank you so much bb 💖💖💖

[anarchistbitch]

hiiiiiiiiii, god this is a over a month late and im SO FUCKING sorry, seriously im sorry, idk why this took me so long, i kept thinking about replying and then i just didnt, again, im really sorry :(

honestly last semester ended up being a disaster, but not a major one, this one is shaping up to be better tho today i had an exam and i feel like i answered some questions somewhat confidently but others were a guessing game 🤡🥴 and i really have no one to blame but myself for it (then again initially she told us they were going to be essay questions and i THRIVE in those, but then they were content specific questions which i was not prepared for) but oh well it cant be helped now and we're allowed to retake our lowest grade at the end of the semester, now im watching sailor moon and eating a strawberry cheesecake ice cream sandwich to get rid of the ambiguity of my feelings over it sigh sigh sigh

fdjhsdfh my hands are always cold too, so it's hard to tell how i'd feel yours but the warm hug is lovely, lovely

i have not started cutie pie but it's been in my to watch list since the first episode came out cause i kept seeing tiktoks about it and it seemed really fun but agh, i havent gotten around to it, i swear i need divine inspiration to do even the things i want to do

in a better timeline benedict did join them and they lived their happy gay lives watching everyone else's drama from the comfort of their stable relationship

lmao relatable, i also left a bunch of shows abandoned bc of the aforementioned need for divine inspiration, i tried watching some middle episodes for a couple shows to like get myself hyped up to understand what was going on and all that but eh, didnt really work, and there's been a danmei draught so im laying on the floor facedown emotionally

about fire island kdjhdfh i handt heard of the place up until the movie, cant be helped, we're not form the us - i have not watched the lizzie bennet series but im adding it to my to-watch, since it's on youtube i might get around to it soon but i wont make any promises just yet sdfjhdjhf and GOD yes, the layers on the movie, i adored it really, you can see that the writers really do care about queer people and that it was written with love - Noah is FANTASTIC he's so real lmao djfjsdhfjdsh and same, when he said that i went 'oh, i see 👀' - i hope both our futures are filled with a loving community of queer people

[completely random: im watching yu-gi-oh rn bc that's what came on after sailor moon and bruh, yugi is short as fuck and i didnt remember that at all, it's also hilarious how they refer to kaiba as rich kid kaiba, it's really fucking hilarious but when i was little it kinda scared me and i can see why too]

i've been ignoring goodreads lmao and im not about to stop cause i really doubt i'll finish a single book this year, im severely blocked, i havent been reading any of the ones i've started, all i did was partially reread the raven boys bc i finally bought the physical book

homegirl does need a break but the only break to be had is my break from reading it :/ and yeah, high literature is fake, joy is the only true and trusted measuring tool

me and my friends have not gotten all together as of yet, it's hard when they have trimesters and i have semesters, our coinciding free times are only for the holidays and i go home for those but we're planning a sleepover soon to celebrate the beginning of their vacations and to cheer myself up after exam week, and one of them is coming over tomorrow so that we can try soju 😌✨

jdfhdfjshfks i'm too picky to align my foods with my favorite characters' tbh

my favorite soup is red bean soup, i must confess that i dont like many soups but i could eat this one every single day, it's so fucking good, also ik you said you'd want to make me egg drop soup, i havent tried it but the texture might be a problem for me, sorry :( but spinach and scream sounds hella good

ok so rn i cant think of bts without thinking of the fact that on the day of the heavy flood in korea namjoon posted a story about a song and with a caption somewhere along the lines of "perfect for the weather" and it was quite literally a parasite moment 🤡 but anyways, bad desicions was so damn good, and yeah, they've worked so damn hard to get to where they are that it's nice to see them have time to enjoy it

i cant fucking believe jin decided to spend his time working tho, what's going on that man's head 😭😭

i also hope other versions of us are closer to each other, i hope this reality's version of me can become better at managing her time and so can talk to you more often 😫💖

matching tattoos huh 👀💖

JDHSHDKJHSK i understand, fever is a hella good song, that's the exact emotion it invokes

mate i had no idea about holland's song 😭 i SUCK at keeping up with things, for most things i have friends in the fandom that come screaminng about news or at the very least post about it

idk if you already started the god of highschool or not but all i can say is that tho i bawled, when i watched it with a friend she didnt shed even a single tear lmao, it really depends on you

JDSGDJSGFJ it cant be helped now, you'll just have to treat yourself whenever you listen to it

anya is so important 😭😭😭😭😭😭 she is so amazing and she deserves to live as normal a life as possible but mainly it has to be a happy one

hmmm i wouldnt say that it's major plot important tbh, but it does have certain relevance for that moment so you'll see skjdhjs

i am also a sucker for cool art, i've read so many things just bc i liked the art style, and if i dont like the art style i have a harder time reading the work, which makes me get annoyed at myself tbh, it feel idk judgy ??? idk, it feels weird

i heard the live at jet studio version of every pore and holy shit, it's so damn beautiful and it felt like his voice was going directly through my chest

i really get that part about being in a weird headspace, life is so complicated at individual scale and currently there's so much going on in the world, it's like that post about how dealing with anxiety rn is so damn weird bc yes, all those fears are entirely too plausible but somehow we have to continue to push through, and burnout sucks, pretty sure ive been burntout since like early 2021 and only just now getting better bc well, to summarize, my parents expect me to graduate soon, which is absolutely not happening, which idk how to tell them and agh it's a cycle really

this is all just to say that i get how you feel, i hope you're feeling better now and if you'd like i can def come off anon so that we can talk more often [tho im not sure you DONT know who i am sgkshadkjsdg i havent really been hiding it lmao, just not being upfront about it bc im socially awkward as fuck]

sending you tons and tons and tons and toooooooons of love, hope you've had good soups and lots of rest, i hope you're hydrating yourself and interacting with lots of cats, i love you

-M<3

between us both, im pretty sure i answer asks much later than u😔 but as u said no matter if its a week or 9 months later , i'll wait for ya<3

ohh yea semester one is just wrapping up for us too and so far it has been less of a disaster than expected, and hope the exam came better than it went in!!![said this to a classmate before going for our term 1's and she gave me the saddest face ever😭😭] essay questions which are content specific are the bane of my life cause lemme tell you my examiner wrote like 10 lines with the reddest pen ever telling me what i needed to improve on while i was still reeling that i passed on that exam phew cause that many lines really make u think twice if u passed(<- wishing this on my worst enemies only).

sailor moon and ice cream sound absolutely delightful and the perfect way to heal after taking an exam [our principal literally goes through the exam hall for some reason and its. have u ever had ur heart beat like a horse?yea.]

me @ u always

[btw the number of gifs of hugs that ive saved in case u send an ask,,.ginormous]

yeeeee i stopped watching cutie pie in the middle cause my school life is a dragon that will bite if u slack off<3 capitalist ass dragon. but fr tho cutie pie is great!! the soundtracks are great too!! and oooh yea i think every ep after ep 6 are heavy on the steamy side

in a better timeline bridgerton would have not have a queer side plot that got quickly swept up under the rug and instead couldve had a storyline about bisexual benedict {im assuming cause 1) hes gives me bi vibes 2)nothing much else than that i think it'd be real neat 3)b is for bisexual and also the start of his first name and surname [:}

divine inspiration is better to not fall on me cause imma use it for evil reallll quick. watching the middle episode is a much better strategy than what i do: watch the finale and become the incarnation of the surprised pikachu meme. also insta reels made me think that "romanticizing" watching stuff would help and it kinda did before i realized that i have adhd symptoms<3 make space for me on the floor cause im laying next to u too🤗

side note: idk if u've ever done this but during summer vacations when i was younger all the women in the house after finishing up lunch would take straw mats and pillows and go to the most airiest room in the house and sleep , and its the best sleep ever. sleeping on the bare ground during summer quickest way to a 😴😴

no cause i recently reread rwarb and suddenly im seeing fire island being mentioned everywhere?? im not gonna blame anyone not studying about america/'s history not knowing american references[god bless genius annotators souls for their little notes cause half my us culture knowledge comes from fob lyrics akfhkdhfsk ]

YEs fire island was really great about how they took care of their characters, the exact scene's dialouge is fuzzy to me but the scene where noah and howie talk before howie leaves, about how theyre similar but are different and that does affect how others see them was one of the best scenes cause the actors portray it in a such an intimate way.

I HOPE QUEER PEOPLE SURROUND US AND THEY ARE LOVING AND WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO THINK TWICE ABOUT OUR SAFETY IN THE FUTURE[all caps cause we deserve it!! and its needs to be shouted from the rooftops!!]

nauurr is kaiba the emo kid from the reverse card meme😭😭😭

ive been looking sideways at goodreads dhksfhk and ive just been saving tons of insta posts about upcoming books so i can read them after my school year is over✌🏾 ive heard quite a lot about the raven boys but apparently theyre not actual ravens? L for the corvid enthusiasts👎🏾👎🏾/lh

sleepovers are fun but unfortunately id be the first to fall asleep😴

im days late but drink tons of water afterwards!!! ive heard that soju is high on alcohol content , and so eat something absorbing for the hangover like rice[ALSO! you know how in kdramas the characters are always eating congee? well i googled it to see the ingredients and its. kanji. its what i eat every weekend bro😭😭 but i do eat it cold during summer with curd and its really good for digestion too]

when i hear red beans i always think of rajma [kidney bean curry and good with naan/rice/roti],[ and ig now im gonna think of u whenever i hear red beans💜💗]

its fine if u dont like egg drop soup!! altho when i was a kid it was the soup™ i used to eat whenever we went out cause i was a picky eater lmao, spinach and cream is a good soup but my personal fav is so basic😭 i fucking love sweet corn soup man

yea no cause i genuinely forget that bts is made up of very rich ppl like 🧍‍♂️ i liked bad decisions a lot too!!

looking back at the past few years of bts' career and seeing the growth and rise in popularity of the general population , and then learning they were doing all this while also in COLLEGE and graduating with honours is. how do u say. humbling to the highest degree.like i cant imagine going to grammys and having a set career and then like having to go back to school.

kim seokjin the man that u are,,

uuughhh thinking about going on walks in parks and just TALKING WITH U

dont worry about taking ur time!!! hell can freeze over but ill still be on this app<3

matching tattoos<3 [also fr i have been thinking👁👁 of getting a tattoo of intertwined tattoos on my sternum but am very unsure of getting tattoos at all😓]

speaking of fever,dont know if ur big on insta edits but i have a ton saved just to listen to the audios on repeat

i . also forgot about it[holland's song]. need that divine intervention to make me focused .

OKAY SO I STARTED THE GOD OF HIGHSCHOOL AND I LOVE IT didnt thing i'd be crying at all but i shed a tear[locals will allege it was full on sobbing but who can say] im only halfway through so i didnt expect to be crying lol😄 anyway the fight scenes were so cool and the main character are such a great trio [also i did search it up on tumblr and im heard about a kim ilpyo👀👀]

[re: getting hungry by listening to gooey]getting pavlov'ed by a song. i have reached new lows /j

random side note#2: i think there should be an emoji for a man on his knees, not the prayer one, just in dejection like this image

anya deserves a normal , happy life with her parents like imma cry if she gets even one scratch idk[but she does love adventure so im just hoping she takes up trekking as a hobby]

cant wait to see the plot relevance of sticking your fingers down a persons throat!![hope this doesnt come off as sarcastic cause i mean it genuinely, from the bottom of my heart]

if u like cool art you should see jibaku shounen hanako kun, a friend introduced me to it and ive been lowkey obsessed with it. it has a very distinct and beautiful art style that u might enjoy!!

cant describe the effect that is listening to tamino has had on me. truly invigorating.[also his eyelashes when he was singing. just .yea]

okay SO like. if i had to take a guess on who you were, i'd have one or two that id be entirely certain of. but i never took a guess cause i wanted to respect ur privacy . but like if ur entirely okay with it, i would not mind if you came off of anon[im putting it lightly Id LOVE if u came off anon so i can add u on discord and annoy u so much💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💗💗💗💗💗💗💗]

sending you truck loads of love and reminders to be safe!!! eat lots of delicious things and hope you get time to spend a lot of time with ur friends !!!