#beam of delete your account

[applejee]

Hi! I hope im not over stepping any boundaries by sending this ask, but if I did please lmk! Just wanted to ask help for Draven (my cat) who needs immediate vet care/help as im currently on financial bind. I know times are tough for everyone but please, if you can share/boost the post I did for Indie it would tremendously help us a lot! I pinned it on my blog. Thank you so much for reading! If you’re not able to donate monetarily, please send good vibes/prayers our way, please consider answering this ask privately as I know some people might get weird about this :(( wishing that you’ll have a wonderful new year ahead!

hi scammer with a block created only a few days ago (i scrolled to the end of their blog, the black space is me pulling the post up when i made it to the end)

also other screenshot is an identical text from another, deactivated blog found in the pet scam tag.

EDIT WAIT I DIDNT EVEN REALISE THEY CALLED THE CAT THE WRONG NAME LMAOOO u used the same name as the other scam account. do better. except don’t because then it’s harder for less savvy people to realise.

second edit theyve now deleted their blog. beam of delete your account worked

[3amsnek]

saw your answer about stripe ask and i just want to say for anyone out there: don’t use paypal unless that’s the only option for you.

i made a paypal account and immediately, within a minute of making it, it got permanently limited and after days to contacting paypal they still refused to fix it (saying they can’t reveal why it got limited for their safety) and didn’t let me close my account. basically i can’t use my account and i can’t delete it either so my info will always be stored on paypal, which is ridiculous and not safe.

anyway, like i said, if you have another option besides paypal then use that because paypal sucks. be careful!

^^^^^^ no yeah exactly same hat (og ask)

I have a solid guess on why mine is dead so tiny psa if you’re making a paypal account & have legally changed your name in the past like year before that pls triple check that everything official is as consistent and already changed over as possible and you have new IDs already Before you make the account bc they’ll find one tiny thing that hasn’t fixed itself yet and shut you down for possible identity fraud no matter what you do :)

(also if you feel like you need to have paypal so you have an option for customers who don’t have a card I will once again recommend stripe bc I’ve discovered their direct email invoices allow you to accept bank transfers as a payment method (including internationally) so people can just pay using the online banking account their paypal is linked to without having to go through paypal)

[sonoyoung]

Meadow ❀༉‧

non idol!crush!mingyu x gn!reader | fluff + friends to lovers | 1.0k | slow dancing - pow

a/n. i am back again after impulsively deleting my account for the 3rd time, i truly do believe this time i will stay, i just have to stop being a hater !! also the lets dance part is just me being obsessed with emma stone :)

When the feelings started rushing in, when you realized you were starting to grow feelings for your friend, Mingyu, you figured they would pass just as quickly as they came, that you would have to tell him because feelings could be concealed but now it was unclear. The feelings that you wanted to keep tucked away so badly were slowly dictating your behaviour around him, even he was noticing the change.

It was probably closer to the time you woke up than the time you went to sleep by now, you had been pumping your blood with alcohol of all sorts hoping maybe you could spend one night where the primary thought in your head wasn’t your friend, and perhaps it had worked out for the majority of the night but it wasn’t working it’s effects anymore.

Here you were once again alone with him, somehow through all your avoiding you found him and mentioned the field you had seen earlier on your way there, consequently you were now surrounded by tiny drops of yellow and white in a vast field of green and of course you were with him.

“We could just stay for the sunrise, this is really beautiful” he smiled looking out to the horizon where far at the end of all the daisies you could see the brightness peaking in, you nodded, it felt like a scenery that was begging you to erupt all your dumb emotions, this is where people confessed, in a nice scenery far away from any distractions.

A faint melody brought your attention back to him, he had been watching you stare at the view, towering above him as he sat on the grass, he knew something was on your mind and had been for a while but he also knew you didn’t want to talk about it so he just looked carefully when he knew you wouldn’t see it, trying to reassure himself that you were okay and you just needed some time for the words to freely flow out.

Mingyu didn’t mind waiting for that moment as long as he could be by your side in the process, he would be patient for you, it was the least he could do, he cared so much about you it sometimes hurt. He wasn’t sure if you knew this or if it was something to share with you. He never knew how much was too much with you, and he didn’t want to scare you off, if the way his heart melts at the sight of your smile was too much.

Listening to the quiet music from his phone surrounding the both of you as you soaked in the moment, you finally made up your mind it felt like all the signs were pointing to it, you wanted to make sure you had savoured your friendship even if your words ended it all today. You stood up brushing off every thought, just to enjoy this at least, smiling at him as you shake your shoulders playfully along to the beat of the song playing.

“Oh my God Mingyu, get up here! Let’s dance,” looking up at you from his spot in the grass, smiling so adoringly loving every minute of your little show before taking your hand stretched out for him to join you, “let’s dance”.

As if you had totally gotten rid off the encumbering thoughts that had been plaguing you, you danced to the music carefreely not even minding the distance between you, laughing at the absurdity of the situation, at the stupid moves you’d form trying to freestyle through it. As the tempo changes, slowing down you almost retrieve back to the green, but he takes your wrist gently pulling you closer, placing it on his shoulder, swaying to the jazzy tune. Now your eyes had met and there was no escaping this, his soft smile was enough to put you at ease, you let your arms rest on his shoulders, holding your hands together behind his neck.

You could see the yellow sun splash against the daisy meadow, the light hitting your back sun beams shining through the gaps in your hair, his eyes were glistening almost shining back the light on you, he was so beautiful in this filter, that was all you could think.

“I might be the luckiest man alive” his voice is quiet almost silent mumbling those words, you tilt your head amused by his remark, “this is a such beautiful view” he told you keeping his gaze fixed on yours, you let out a quiet “oh”, the feeling of your cheeks heating up from the sudden realization had your eyes bouncing around unable to maintain the contact, but it felt useless when you were standing so close. You hadn’t realized how close he was, how his hands held onto your waist like you were the most delicate thing in the world.

He studied your face as you stood there your chest heaving against his, trying to keep any absurd thoughts away, but the proximity made it so hard to focus, the music could have stopped but your focus was elsewhere. You wanted so badly for him to do something, say something anything to save you from yourself, you could only hold back for so long, as much as you wanted to escape from the situation you wanted to stay even more, just to see.

The soft gasp escaping your lips from the feeling of his hand against your neck sliding his fingers gently to your nape, letting them into your hair, you could barely hide the anticipation in your face as he leaned in closer, looking at your face, his gaze bouncing from your eyes to your lips for confirmation, a slight part in your lips and it was done. It felt like dancing once again, the way his lips pressed so gently yet passionately against yours. His hand on your waist massaging you softly along with his kisses, exchanging breaths as you pull away.

“Kiss me more?” you plead as you lean in closer so easily drawn to his lips again.

ty for reading feedback is much appreciated

[wereallydobevibing]

Oh, the Privilege of Growing Old | Simon Riley x Reader

I used to post my stories on tiktok under the username @codlover but I figured since tiktok might get banned I should delete that account and post it here. Here’s one of the stories.

Feel free to use my work as a prompt/inspiration. Better yet, feel free to write you’re ideal part 2 just MAKE SURE YOU CREDIT AND TAG ME.

WARNINGS: None that I can think of, let me know if I missed any, though.

His eyes peel open under the beam of sunlight, which peaked menacingly through the window – Simon’s neck hurts, a crippling pain that came back every few days just to remind him that his youth was long behind him. He didn’t mind the reminder much, it was pesky and painful, but it was a humbling reminder that he’d made it much further than he ever believed he would.

Despite the pain, he cranes his neck to the opposite side of the bed. These days, you often awoke long after him. Simon had always been an awful sleeper, that part of him never left even after retirement; but when you were younger, you often stressed being awake before him; a competition you never won.

With a tilt of his head, there you were – you in all your glory, sleeping soundlessly right beside him. He reckoned it was all the beauty sleep you got that kept you aging well. At the rippling age of seventy-three you had few wrinkles, excluding the smile lines around your eyes that would especially be exaggerated when you beamed up at him, even if you no longer recognized him.

At least, you didn’t recognize him as who he was now.

“[Y/N],” He later called out to you from the kitchen, “Breakfast is ready.”

“I can’t eat right now,” you cried, running around the bedroom with a million things craddled in your hands; hairsprays, makeup. “My husband will be home soon, I need to do my hair!”

Over the many years of you being together, Simon never considered that your day to day activities revolved around him even while he was on deployment. Alzheimer’s would quickly reveal your hidden truth for him, though. At first, he found it endearing how you would unknowingly reenact your younger days, bustling about the house and stressing over decorations and “I need to go buy a new dress for when I get Simon from the airport!”.

No matter what day you thought it was, Simon would relive that day with you, watching you fret over the smallest details; “Oh, this is so cute, but Simon doesn’t like orange!”

He would spend everyday listening to you talk about himself – your smart, strong, loving husband who’d done so many incredible things while serving his country. Your Simon who’d given you three sons and everything else you ever wanted. Simon Riley, who you were so proud of even if he thought lowly of himself. You were just so in love with him.

Overtime, he began to feel his heart ache. He never thought before that maybe you’d spent every minute of every day trying to decipher something as little as whether Simon preferred you in a pale, light shade of purple or a blush, baby pink. He never cared as long as you were still here when he came home. But it seemed that making sure the house was comfortable and that you were dolled up and pretty for him was essential to life for you.

It made him regret back in your twenties, when he’d left you for six months in fear that if he died, you’d be left with the responsibility of cutting all his strings for him. It had broken your heart, and for a time you believed he’d left you for another woman and covered it up with such an excuse, the easiest excuse. He hadn’t ever known another woman after you – he just didn’t want you to live out the rest of your life kneeling over his grave if he died.

He finally gave in and brought you back home when he ran into you in the city, still wearing the wedding ring. When he asked why you would still wear the damn thing, you said, “I took my vows, Simon. I’ll keep them.”

The thought of leaving you never crossed his mind again, even if it was to save you your heartache. Clearly, it would ache whether he was dead or alive when he left you. It took time to fully regain your trust and restore your broken heart, and he didn’t blame you.

You became his motivator, then – the reason to always make it home, if only to protect your mental well-being. The idea of you writhing in pain, sleeping in a cold, empty bed, is what kept him alive all these years, and he swore by it. He would never want that for you.

“[Y/N],” Simon says, now entering the bedroom, watching you lay out all your cosmetics and self-care products.

“Not now,” you huff impatiently, “Simon’s gonna be waiting for me at the airport.”

Simon’s gazing down on you warmly, “Simon will want you to eat, love.”

“Do you even know him enough to say that?” You scowl, “Don’t touch me, he’ll kill you.”

He wants to laugh, but there’s in itch in his brain that reminds him not to. It seemed you were quite . . . fanatical when it came to him. After almost forty years of marriage, you gave him reason every day to love you more, and more, and mor–

“Believe me, love, I know him well,” Simon sets the plate down on your vanity, the one he built for you many years ago. “Eat. You get restless when you’re hungry.”

Simon leans over to kiss the top of your head, and he laughs when you swat him away, angry, saying, “Watch! Just watch when he gets home, you’re done!”

With the empty threat of total destruction hanging over his head, he collapses himself back on the bed and flickers on the TV, a small smile playing at his lips as he watches you out the corner of his eyes.

This lifetime had not been enough time with you. But deep down in his soul, Simon knew he’d find you again in the next.

[corruptedcaps]

Bitchy Besties: part 2

In the car ride over Tanya gabbed about everyone in high school and all their dirty little secrets. Kate couldn’t believe the insight she was gaining about the other students she had known for years. Tanya even spilled the beans on her best friends.

Kate figured Tanya saw Kayleigh as more of a peer than some beta follower like the rest of Tanya’s friends. Despite despising Tanya, Kate found it somewhat rewarding having her bully so enamoured with her.

Tanya brought her around to all the bougie stores and they tried on outfit after outfit and the two were having a genuinely good time together. Kate had never worn so many tight and revealing outfits but she had to admit that they all looked great on her.

Finishing up with a trip to the nail salon, they both got a matching set of new press on's. As the beautician worked, Kate entertained her bully with fabricated stories of her life, who thankfully seemed to eat it up. Some stories were just things Kate remembered Tanya had done but she tweaked certain details to be more ‘Kayleigh’-like, whatever that had come to mean.

Posing for a selfie together, the two girls proudly showed off their new nails.

“This is going to blow up on socials babe, two hawt bitches like us. What’s your handle so I can tag you?” Tanya asked.

Kate started to panic, a girl like Kayleigh would certain have more social media than anyone else but Kate had never bothered. She had to think of an excuse.

“Oh I don’t have any. Well not anymore anyway. Remember the cyber bullying I told you I was doing before? Well my parents made me delete everything, otherwise they weren’t going to fund my trip to Paris.” Kayleigh said sounding genuinely pissed at her fabricated parents.

“Well did you go to Paris?” Tanya asked.

“Eh yeah, remember I told you about the hot French guy I fucked there?” Kayleigh replied.

“Then the statute of limitations are up.” Tanya said grabbing Kayleigh’s phone from her hand before she could be stopped. Tanya was like a pro quickly setting up new accounts for Kayleigh. In 60 seconds flat she handed the phone back.

“Now to tag you in this gorgeous pic of us. Annnnnd posted. You’ll be royalty in this town before the end of the day. So naturally I gave you the handle QueenKayleigh. No need to thank me. Don’t you love it?” Tanya said with a gleeful smirk.

Kaleigh pulled up the post of the two of them and saw the caption read “Hanging with my new BFF @QueenKayleigh, add her now! She’s the real deal.” Kayleigh stared for a long time at ‘BFF’. She had never had a best friend before, it felt kind of nice even if it was Tanya. Speaking of which she realized that Tanya had been waiting for an answer.

“Oh babes this is amazing, we look like twins don’t we?” Kayleigh said to a waiting Tanya who beamed at her.

“Totes! A pair of bitchy babes. Oh looks like you’re blowing up already.” Tanya said as Kayleigh’s phone started a waterfall of chimes. Kayleigh looked down at her phone and sat a barrage of likes, comments and follow requests. It was kind of overwhelming but satisfying to see so many people give her attention.

Comments such as ‘dammmmmn! Who’s the new hottie?’, ‘queens!’, and ‘omg, instant follow!’ were quickly going to her head, she did look stunning after all. Each chime was like an endorphin hit.

“Thanks hun, this will help me jump the social ladder to the top, where sexy babes like us belong. Assuming I pick your school.” Kayleigh said with a natural bitchy purr.

“I hope you choose to come to our school babe, it’s a dump for sure but together the two of us would be unstoppable together. The names Kayleigh and Tanya will make all the losers shudder and all the boys hard. Speaking of which I think I see one checking you out right now.” Tanya said nodding over to a handsome guy sitting in the food court.

Kayleigh looked over to see a handsome college aged guy smiling at her. It had taken her years to attract the meagre attention of Cory and now the hottest guy she had ever seen was checking her out. She remembered the Evie stories and tried to picture what the girls in those stories would do. Standing up she turned and gave Tanya a wink and strode confidently over to the guy.

“Hey hot stuff, were you going to stare at me all day or were you going to ask me out?” She said with a tilt of her head and a sly smile. The guy seemed taken aback by the forwardness but quickly gained his composure.

“Eh yes of course I’d love too. How’s Saturday?” He asked. Kayleigh felt a power over him that she had never felt before. His eyes drank her in and he seemed eager to please. He wanted her and he would do anything she asked. She had to test it out. Remembering how Tanya snatched her phone from her, Kayleigh quickly took the guy’s phone from his hand and started to type.

“No. You’ll pick me up Friday, 9pm, got it? Here, you’re following me on Insta now. DM later for my address.” She said playfully as she handed his phone back to him.

Tanya couldn’t tell what they were talking about from where she sat but could see Kayleigh had the guy wrapped around her little finger. Kayleigh seemed to be having fun, giggling, touching his arm, playing with her hair.

“See you Friday Lucas, and don’t be late.” Kayleigh said wrapping up their flirtation finally. With a cheeky smile, she turned on her heel and strutted away. She felt his eyes on her butt and made sure he had plenty of time to take it all in.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Lucas shouted after her.

“Oh babes you’re such a baddie. He’s gorgeous. What did you two talk about?” Tanya asked eager to hear.

“We’ve got a date on Friday.” Kayleigh said with a nonchalance tone.

“Oh girl you work fast, I’m so jelly. I should have pounced on him first.” Tanya said with a smirk back to her.

“Oh you misunderstand me babe, when I say ‘we’ I mean you, me, him and his frat brother. They’re taking us to a club. Maybe we can swap at some point during the night, if you’re that keen on him.” Kayleigh said grinning as Tanya listened, her mouth open.

“Kayleigh, where have you been my whole life? You’re the baddest bitch ever.” Tanya said suddenly hugging Kayleigh.

The whole act seemed to momentarily dislodge Kate from what she was doing and stand back mentally from it all. Only yesterday Tanya was bullying her and she was an outcast and now she was suddenly her best friend with plans of a double date that she had orchestrated! What was she doing? The whole scenario was bizarre and she realized that this wasn’t her, she needed to wrap this up and fast.

“You ok babe?” Tanya said noticing something off.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Just been a long day.” Kaleigh said feigning a yawn.

“Yeah for real, let me drive you home.” Tanya said but Kate suddenly panicked. Tanya couldn’t see where she lived plus she needed to retrieve her clothes still.

"No my parents are expecting to pick me up at the school so you can drop me back there." Kayleigh said already getting up.

The drive back to the school was quieter than the ride to the mall. Kate was deep in thought, her mind at war with itself. Tanya continued to gossip but Kate wasn't taking it all in like before.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you home babe?" Tanya asked, sensing something still off about her new friend as she got out of the car.

"No I'm perfect hun, it will give me time to think about my choices." Kayleigh said with a smile.

"Well you know what I hope you choose, this school could use Kayleigh and so could I. See ya later!" Tanya said returning the smile and speeding off. Kate stood in front of the school unsure what to do next.

To be concluded...

[lovemari]

IMPORTANT: Hello! My old account, Lovemari, got deleted. Therefore, I had to make a new one. I'm honestly pretty upset about this so I'll take some time to recover! Thankfully, all my posts are saved as I write them in google docs before posting. Please like and reblog so I can reach my old followers and potentially new ones!

Wanderer x Reader - Abandoned Kitty!

Reminder: I'm not an experienced writer so construction criticism is always welcome! Also, I write for fun. I just wanted to share my work around the world!

You didn't get it. How could the weather change so quickly?! It went from bright and sunny to gloomy and rainy. You should've listened to your boyfriend about bringing an umbrella before you went shopping! Now, you're all damn and soggy.

A loud meow was heard, making you stop in your tracks. The cry from help sounded so desperate that it almost broke your animal lover's heart.

You looked around just to find a small black cat soaking in a soggy, wet box. You ran to the little one and quickly picked it up. Sure, it sounded careless but you weren't too far from your house.

The cat was wailing, obviously hungry. You didn't understand how someone could leave a kitten alone! Especially in a box instead of an animal shelter!

You quickly opened the door to your home and yelled, “You were right.” Followed by a laugh from your boyfriend. Wanderer smirked, “Told you.” His smug attitude turned into an exaggerated gasp when he saw what was in your arms.

He looked at you, “Did you get a kitten?” He beamed, clearly excited about having a pet. You looked down, “It was a stray.” You quietly answered. Wanderer's whole demeanor changed from overjoyed to a loud scoff.

Wanderer was worried for the cat, “It must be hungry. Who knows how long it was a stray for?.” Wanderer got some cat food from his personal collection (yes, he has a cat collection.)

The cat quickly jumped down from your arms and chowed down on the food Wanderer provided him. You felt satisfied and your state of mind was at ease, knowing that this cat is now receiving shelter and food.

You looked at your boyfriend with puppy eyes, “Wanderer! Can we keep him?” You pleaded. Wanderer stroked the cat's head, “I mean, yeah? It's not like we're going to leave it alone to fend for itself again.” he reminded you.

You hugged Wanderer, “What should we name him?” You chirped. Wanderer thought for a while before replying with, “It looks like a Raymond.”

“Welcome home, Raymond.” You cooed before giving its ear a gentle scratch. Raymond purred in response, satisfied with you pampering him.

Wanderer admired your interaction with the cat, knowing how gentle and kind you are.

That makes him love you even more.

[sunflowerrosewood]

Imagine.... Lance Confessing To You After You Become Champion

Author's Note: Since my other account @cheekyredwillow got deleted. I am adding some of my favorite fanfictions to this account and revamping this one with new ones. I hope to make an actual list of fandoms I am still a fan of! NO requests for the time being.

On to the imagine. Imagines are short blurbs of a character in a scenario with you.

Imagine you enter the pokemon league with the team of favorite pokemon in the Johto region. You have spent constant months on building a team you would love and here they are. All 8 badges and now the league.

Imagine the nerves you get when entering the league as this is a test of all your hard work. All this hard work is going to pay off. And then you'll see him again.

Imagine your heart leaps in excitement as you thought of the dragon tamer Lance. Lance - the one who helped you throughout your journey from Team Rocket to your gym badges. The many mini conversations you two had about other things. It felt like you two had a connection.

Imagine your team beats every gym leader with ease and you stand at the last obstacle. Lance. The Champion. Your chest is heavy with anticipation and also a bit of excitement to see him again.

Imagine as you enter the Champion room Lance turns to you and you notice a faint blush on his cheeks. He smiles brightly at you. Before you begin, he congratulates you on making this far and being impressed by you.

Imagine Lance's hands are a little shaky as seeing you again sparks the fire that the crush on you had. This anticipation to ask you out but waiting till you complete the League so you could focus.

Imagine you enter your fight with Lance. The battle takes longer than the past ones. Both of you are equally the same level and experience. You two can fight and challenge one another.

Imagine you two are at your last pokemon. A Dragonite on his side and your starter pokemon on the other. You tell your starter to hit a big move as Lance yells a hyper beam. Both moves hit and your starter is the last one standing.

Imagine Lance congratulating you and telling you that you need to put your name in the records. He shakes your hand and holds it tightly to show how proud he is.

Imagine after you register your name in the records as a new Champion that Lance is waiting for you. You are surprised and he is blushing. He stumbles on his words and confesses he has had a crush on you for a while.

Imagine he explains that he did not confess due to not wanting to get in the way of your adventure to become Champion. But now that it is over, he would like to take you on a date. To show how much he has a crush on you. You say yes and the two of your exchange numbers to set up the date.

[rrinsluvr]

lowkey! nine— hard to get ka daw

"thanks for today!" you beamed as you bid xiao and hutao goodbye. "it's nothing, gusto ka lang namin i-surprise." xiao said, a ghost of a smile adorning his face, hutao simply smirking in the back before she calls out for kazuha who was relaxing on the couch with your cat—maki. "bye din kazuha!!" him and xiao just stared at each other before kazuha ended the silent staring competition after maki jumped off kazuha's lap and walked away, while he waved back to hu tao with a polite smile.

you watched the pair walk back to their car and drive off, waiting for a moment before locking the door and plopping down on the couch with your boyfriend. "na saan si maki?" kazuha chuckled, running his fingers through your hair as you laid on his chest. "umalis siya kanina," and as if on cue, your cat jumps onto him and makes himself comfortable on your boyfriend's chest too. "dapat pala mas madalas wala si kuya." you sighed in content, closing your eyes—wanting to rest after a long day. "rest ka muna, love. i'll wake you up pag malapit na kuya mo." and just before you could reply, kazuha's phone chimed and the notification itself was able to make your stomach churn.

"huh? ba't may pa-heart pa sa name?" you scowled, pushing yourself up to sit properly and face your boyfriend. "it's not what you think," kazuha thinks of any possibilities that someone could've put yunjin's number on his phone, cause he knows damn well he never saved it. "sinave siguro ni hu tao sa phone ko. i already told you before that i never saved it, right?" he assured you, taking your hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze. this is kazuha we're talking about, your boyfriend of 10 months who agreed to keep your relationship a secret because of your issues, he would never lie to you and you trust him with all your heart.

"when i replied to her a while ago, i didn't have any intentions of building a romantic connection with her or anything. though i can show you off in front of in front of many people, always know that i love you and that i'd wait for you till you're ready." his words make you tear up and bit, moving closer to pull him in a hug. "i love you too, i'm sorry for reacting a bit iffy. knowing what she feels and how she goes on about it just makes me a bit mad sometimes."

"it's fine, love. everytime you feel insecure, everytime you feel doubt, everytime you feel anxious, i'll always be here to remind you that i love you." he hummed, pulling away from your hug to press a small peck on your cheek. that's right, you have nothing to worry about.

—bonus!

"HUY HALA, WRONG ACCOUNT! DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE" yn said frantically as she deleted her most recent tweet, whereas kazuha just watched in amusement as he checked the gc. "kinabahan saglit katabi niya? ba't siya kinakabahan? ano ba karapatan niya?" kazuha started rambling with slightly furrowed brows and a small pout. then he turned to you who was biting back a laugh, your expression making his own more pleasant. "ang cute mo mag-selos." you laughed, throwing your head back in amusement.

"'kala mo naman di siya nag-seselos kanina.." your boyfriend teased, pinching your cheeks softly. "hard to get ka daw.. eh ikaw nga unang umamin satin! tsaka ba't ako mag-seselos dun, sino ba siya?" you rolled your eyes as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "sige sabi mo eh." "putanginamo di nga 'yon selos!"

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hellaur

fun fact! nagpalit sila ng damit after the date last chapter para di sila mahalata HAHWGWHHAHAHHAHA

mag-uupdate uli ak bukas, promise🙏🙏

taglist!open— @plinkuro @gorouswrld @aixaingela @monikidk @choco-rei @radnvindr @m1kotsu @ganyuvoir @httpmitsuya @ichiiyos @zyamq @skaramush @sheiiy @guuji-miko @lazy-sanns @sukunasrealgf @cseriaverse @kayla-drawz @peqch-pie (highlighted means tumblr won't tag u)

[2baabbies]

hiiii can you write for #11 with minnie from gidle where (afab) reader and minnie are good friends and reader decides to confess? Thank you!!!!!

omg of course 🫶🏻 ty for the req!

💜 picture perfect (minnie x reader) 💜

Words: 800

Fluff 🥰

afab + fem!reader

Request guidelines here!

!!ATTENTION!!

Reposting this fic to other platforms, including as a translation, is expressly prohibited. Do not copy, alter, or claim this fic as your own. Absolutely no permission is given to anyone to post my works, even with credit, and this fic should only appear on Ao3 or Tumblr under my accounts. Reposting is not only plagiarism, but a direct violation of my wishes as the original writer and owner. Please respect writers and don’t steal!

Likes, reblogs, asks and comments are very welcome and appreciated <3

~~~

The appearance of your reflection in the glass of the exhibit tells you that your cheeks are very flushed. You could feel the heat in your face since you began wandering the art gallery with Minnie, and you could only hope she stayed oblivious to the truth: that you were hopelessly in love with your closest friend. You take a glimpse at her now. She seems intensely focused on the painting before her, so you wander off to the next room.

There is more glass that allows you to tidy your hair and adjust your outfit, but the longer you stare at your reflection the more impossible it feels to make yourself look presentable. You sigh and attempt to admire the artwork, but your thoughts are lingering on Minnie the whole time.

“y/n,” Minnie’s voice rings out from behind, then you turn to face her, “Smile, beautiful.”

Smiling comes on instinct when you are looking at Minnie, but it only widens at her command. She lowers her phone and inspects the screen.

“It turned out really good! Do you want to see it?”

“Oh! A photo? Yes, please.”

You are immediately embarrassed when she shows you. Your smile is toothy and wide. Your cheeks are rosy and your eyes are creased with delight. You begin to notice the imperfections. Like the stray hairs that will not settle, and that your shirt has come awkwardly untucked.

“I look weird.”

“What? No, it’s perfect. You look adorable.”

“Let me take one.”

Minnie hands you her phone and you trade places. She poses easily, and gives you her best angle as she waits for you to line up the shot. You snap a few photos then check them the same way she had. You shuffle forward, not looking up from her dazzling smile as you approach to show her the phone screen. You make a soft sound and your eyes widen as you stumble into her arms.

“S-Sorry.”

“You’re good, darling.”

You duck your head as she drapes her arms over your shoulders and inspects the photos. Each one is perfect, although Minnie always looks flawless.

“Pretty…”

“Not as pretty as you.”

She looks proud of her statement as you flail for an argument. She giggles then takes her phone out of your hand as you playfully push her in protest.

“Don’t tease me!”

“It’s true, just look at yourself.”

“Noo!”

“I have photo evidence!”

“Delete them!”

“I’m not doing that!”

“Minnie!”

“Excuse me.”

You both pause then turn around. One of the gallery attendants is standing behind you, hands neatly folded in front of her black uniform as she regards the two of you calmly.

“Would you two like a photo together? I can take it for you?”

“Yes, thank you,” Minnie answers, separating from you to hand her phone to the staff.

You fluster again when Minnie returns to you, because she immediately wedges herself back into your arms and pulls you close by your waist. Your cheeks are burning, and you feel your heart racing as you try to make yourself pose as naturally as possible. You both turn to the camera and you offer a small smile.

“Remember,” Minnie whispers, “Smile, beautiful.”

You laugh and beam as the photo is taken. Minnie steps forward to take her phone, and you are still a little dazed when the staff member speaks.

“You two are such a cute couple.”

Your words feel caught in your throat as you wait for Minnie’s response.

“Thank you!”

The attendant wishes you both well then departs, leaving you a little dumbstruck as Minnie casually checks the photos with a soft smile.

“They’re perfect. Come see.”

“M-Minnie…”

“Hm?”

She returns to you, takes your hands as you fiddle your fingers and anxiously avoid her gaze.

“Sh-She called us a couple.”

“Mhm, I know.”

“Oh.”

She tilts her head and frowns softly.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s just… I like you a lot…”

“I know.”

“N-No, I like you.”

“y/n, I know. I like you too.”

You finally meet her eyes and melt at the warmth in her gaze as she pulls you into her embrace.

“You do?”

She giggles.

“I thought it was obvious. I guess I shouldn’t assume I know everything you’re thinking. I just thought that this was… a date?”

“A date.”

“With my… girlfriend.”

You nod.

“Girlfriend.”

She grins.

“I know you’ve liked me for a while. I feel the same way.”

“Then, can I ask you…”

“To be your girlfriend?”

You nod eagerly, making her giggle. She watches expectantly as you take a deep breath.

“Minnie, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Only if you’ll be mine?”

You nod and grin as she leans in to peck your nose.

“Then, yes, it’s official.”

You let her take your hand and intertwine your fingers as you continue your first- official- date at the gallery.

[whatever-color-of-the-rainbow]

chess headcanons?? i love hearing your headcanons

First of all, thank you!! Second of all, I love Chess so much and I’m very glad that she’s who you asked me to do next

Two of her favorite movies are Beauty and the Beast and Frozen (not sure where the BATB one came from, but the Frozen one is because Celeste Rose played Anna recently)

Pheobe Bridgers girlie through and through

They had a crush on Cairo for like two seconds at the beginning of their junior year. This ended pretty quickly because she didn’t like the way Cai treated a lot of the other teammates, especially Kate. (Did I only come up with this headcanon so I could participate in Chai Day? Yes I did.)

Kate braided Chess’s hair for the sleepover.

She and Mattie would have been SUCH good friends.

Kate’s older sisters loved her.

She stopped actively posting on social media after her leg injury, and deleted most of her social media apps altogether after the Farrah incident. They were never super active on social media anyway, so they don’t exactly miss it.

They kept Instagram though, because they had a private spam account (called @/call.me.chess_17) that no one outside of their personal life knew about.

Despite the name, homegirl has no idea how to play chess. They also refuse to learn because it’s really funny.

As sweet as she is, she’s also super competitive. This surprises people…until they remember that she was almost an Olympian, of course she’s competitive.

She puts up a sweet and patient front with members of the team that she doesn’t like. But when it’s just her and Kate, she can rant the biggest rants about them. Kate lives for this side of her.

Straight B student

They have a tendency to push themself too hard, especially when they were recovering from the knee injury. That’s part of why she became so reliant on the painkillers.

This isn’t really a headcanon, but I’ve been saying this nonstop for almost two years now so I may as well include it here: Humpty Dumpty by AJR and crying by myself by yannick-robin mirko the most Chess-coded songs I’ve ever heard.

She’s not a fan of physical touch…except when it’s Kate. Then she loves it.

Her full name is Francesca. She hates it. Hence the Instagram username from earlier.

Her favorite gymnastics event is beam, and her least favorite is vault.

They’ve always been a little self-conscious about how others perceive them, and getting famous from almost going to the Olympics did not help.

She has three nicknames from Kate: Checkers (obviously), Checks (short for Checkers), and Cheese (from accidentally typing out “Chees” instead of “Chess” while texting one too many times).

People told her that she handled the whole not-going-to-the-Olympics thing really well. Little did they know, she was actually having a super rough time with it, but refused to show it because she didn’t want to be viewed as “broken”. In secret, she would spend the rest of her life wondering what could have been.

She and Eva would have been the most iconic duo ever.

They used to like going for a run every Sunday afternoon while listening to music (once again, usually Pheobe Bridgers). Obviously that got taken away with the leg injury.

Simone Biles was her first celebrity crush.

[sorcerous-caress]

Had a weird lucid dream again, don't remember it bc I was busy writing down the story idea that came after it from the song I use as my alarm.

Anyway, you guys ever think about how a percentage of the world has died since you were born? Like if you're in your 20s then 15-25% of the world population has died already.

30 - 25-35%

60 - 55-65%

Imagine that, half the world you were born with just perished. Disappeared and you're still here. People you knew like your elementary and high school teachers, your doctors and therapists. The servive offices and the elder workers you've encountered in your youth and took for granted are now serving retirement and approaching their death bed.

By the time you're 80. 90% of the world population has died since you were born. 90% of the whole world got replaced.

The internet is still relatively new. It's rare to find abandon blogs, not impossible but rare.

Most people here go from young adults to middle aged, all those accounts will eventually have their owners die. I mean it is a real problem that social media apps aren't considering, what do you do when your app outlives your consumer's lifespan? Will the Internet just be a graveyard for all those accounts filled with opinions, art, writing and online arguments of people who have long passed away.

Or would they erease it. To not make the new generations uncomfortable by living next to the ghost town. They tear down the support beams and let the buildings crumble the town, ereasing the whole accounts with all the memories left in them.

Art is immortlisation yes, everything you have ever created is guaranteed to outlive you. It will be a part of your legacy no matter how big or small, fanfic or original work. But that's only if you post them on the right site that seeks to preserve them.

Social media doesn't seek to do that. Deleted accounts remove acess to browsing them. Deleted accounts works do not show up in the search. Sadly, I don't think a lot of our works will live on, I fear they'll be buried to pave the way for the newer trend amongst the living.

[diedraechin]

I'm wondering how many times someone is going to be distracted from looking at the layover hashtag. Love the snippet 🖤💜🤍

Hahahah! I think that joke would get annoying to read after a while, but it definitely worked as a one off for someone with as short an attention span as Viktor.  And if Viktor did go and look at the hashtag again, Yuuri’s one single picture of a limp lettuce grilled chicken salad that is tagged is now buried under a bunch of other pictures that had been taken and may have done better and were algorithmically pushed up to the top of the search results because they have more engagement. For example, the Viktor fan account that “borrowed” all Viktor’s memes and reposted them on insta with the hashtags are probably the top results and the first results that come up for that tag along with a couple very aesthetic pictures from people with high follower counts...

You know...

Now that I think about it...

Maybe Viktor SHOULD look up that hashtag again. And then whine to Yuuri how he was looking at the hashtag but only found his own memes because someone stole them!

Yuuri: But isn’t that how memes work? Didn’t you just take someone else’s pictures and repost them to the internet using a template that is popular for that particular picture?

Viktor: But mine were transformative!

Yuuri: Never said they weren’t, but I really don’t know what grounds you have to complain about a fan of yours reposting your memes; that’s how memes spread. If anyone has any right to be annoyed by this series of events wouldn’t it be the person the MEMES WERE ABOUT?!

Viktor: *pouts*

Yuuri: Stop that. It’s hard to be mad at you when you pout.

Viktor: *beams*

Yuuri: Thank you. Why were you even looking at that hashtag?

Viktor: To find your secret insta, of course!

Yuuri: Oh, yeah, not helping you. *discreetly deletes hashtagged post while Viktor isn’t paying attention*

[0perfectimperfections0]

Just Like Us: Part 3

The codes reflected past his eyes. The green inputs filtered across the page all the way down its length. He changed the properties of the code that was the main binary for the robots.

//delete pointer: int* array = new int[reset]

delete[uglyville] array;

He repeated the input for the Uglydolls specifically. Pressing enter, he laced his fingers together, staring at the screen. His leg bounced under the desk. Please don't come. Please don't come. Did she understand the danger she was putting herself in? Moreso, her efforts would be in vain once she learned the cold truth that he literally could not leave. The difference between the two of them was that she had a chance to leave. The Gauntlet accounted for their failures to pass every test in that house, whereas the only thing Lou was held accountable for was the blasted chip in his neck.

Hands ran through his hair. The lights of Perfection glittered outside his window while the darkness reflected his dimly lit office. He swiveled the chair around, one leg propped over the knee, and stared out over the houses. Each one was copied and pasted to be an exact replica of the other. He briefly wondered what the houses in Uglyville looked like.

The dolls that had witnessed the events would be put through lessons as fast as possible and practically shoved through the portal. The new batch would remain clueless. Hopefully, by the time Moxy made her unprecedented return, there would be no trace of her previous endeavor aside from his own memories.

Please don't come. He prayed.

<><><><>

Five days passed. Moxy never showed. Lou hadn't found the peace to lay his head and sleep at night, worrying as the days counted down. By the fifth day's arrival, he sat in bed and breathed a long sigh. The sunlight filtered through his bedroom window.

She didn't come. The relief that swept over him was wholly welcomed. Ox or one of the other misfits must have talked her out of it. Good on them.

The new batch of dolls came in yesterday. The robots had no memory of the Uglies. It was as if they had never come. This incident would never be spoken of again.

Getting up and ready, he trudged weakly to his office to get the papers for today's lesson. They would be taking a written test to gauge their knowledge. He didn't feel like watching over the courses today. The numbness in his legs shot through his back with every step.

Lou pulled out the key from his pants pocket when he reached the door. There wasn't a click, though, when the key turned. He frowned and turned the knob, freezing when the door opened. Slowly, he peaked inside-

Something walloped against his face harshly. "Ow!" The door opened the rest of the way. Lou held his nose where he'd been assaulted. Blinking through the pain, he saw...Moxy and her friends.

She gasped, hands flying to her mouth as she rushed over to him. "Oh my doll! I'm sorry! We thought you were one of the robots!"

Lou shooed her away when she tried prying his hands to make sure she hadn't hurt him badly. "Keep your voice down!" he whisper-yelled. Leaning back out the door to make sure the robots weren't nearby, he closed the door behind him, kicking the book that had been Moxy's makeshift weapon away. He stared at her, at a loss for words for a moment. "You came back..."

"Well, yeah...I told you I would." The way she spoke those words was sarcastic. As if she was calling him stupid for believing she wouldn't return. Perhaps he was. He just wasn't used to dolls coming back. Beaming up at him, she hurried back toward his desk and grabbed a paper from the top of it. "Alright, we made a plan on how to get out of here!"

"Yeah? Let me see," Lou accepted the paper from her. Sparing only a once-over of the scribbled writing, he balled it up and tossed it to the side.

"Hey!"

"You're not going through with this ridiculous plan of yours. I don't care how much thought you put into it. You're risking your life. Believe me, it's a suicide mission." He walked around the desk to grab the papers he had come for. The robots would report him if he was late for the class. He would have to sneak them out after the lessons.

"Please, we've done way more dangerous things," Moxy scoffed and crossed her arms.

He mimicked the pose, raising an eyebrow. "Really? And what's that?"

She rolled her eyes, "Well, I didn't make a list-"

"Leave." He ordered. "You have no idea what you're getting into, and it's best you don't find out the hard way."

"No, Lou, listen! I thought the whole thing out. It's flawless. We sneak toward the portal, trick one of the robots into opening it up, and then we all go through! It shuts behind us, and bam! We're with our kids." He opened his mouth to protest, but she interrupted him. "You programmed the robots to forget about us, right? Can't you do something to get them to open the portal?"

He looked at his computer, the black screen reflecting his hardened features. He was their only chance of even making it close to the portal. The only problem was-

"We don't have to be stuck anymore, Lou," Moxy looked up at him from the other side of the desk. "We can have a kid, just like everyone else."

That. That was the problem. This whole...fantasy of hers included him in the picture. She was envisioning all of them waking through that portal to find their beloved child. She didn't understand that he couldn't leave this God-forsaken place no matter how much he wanted to.

He wouldn't be able to go, he knew that. But he couldn't bear to see her spirits crushed again. If he helped, they served a better chance at making it to the Big World than they did on their own. The record against him was wearing thin...if--when, because surely there would be no way to erase the robots' programming in time--his creator found out, he would be killed.

In a way, they would all find their escape.

Lou looked down at his hands, braced against the desk as he leaned over it. "Fine. I'll help you. But we do this my way, got it?" He pointed his finger at her sternly.

She beamed, then grew a bit serious again as she stared at him. "And you're coming with us." He didn't respond. "Lou, we're not leaving without you." The other Uglies, save for Ox, exchanged incredulous glances. He doubted they would keep to such a promise when the time came.

"I'll get you to the portal-"

"Forget the plan if you're not going through it, too." Her tone was set. She stared at him hard. Ox shared a similar look that Lou couldn't ignore this time.

He didn't want to be the reason Ox didn't get to the Big World again.

He didn't want to be the reason Moxy's dreams were shattered again.

So...he couldn't tell her the truth. If going along with this the way she envisioned was the only way to get them to comply, then so be it. By the time they made it to the portal, it would be too late for her to keep true to her word. She would have to leave. The robots would send him to his creator to be exterminated.

They would both be free, then.

He swallowed, looking back into her eyes. "Fine."

"You promise?" Moxy pressed.

"...Promise."

[thethirteenthcrow]

lmao i love learning about your shyan lore. what fic was it 😭

god. i don't remember one (1) fic top of my head, but in the summer of 2019 i was like, my friend showed me a bfu video and i needed something to read over the summer. i had some books and i downloaded some fics on a shady non-ao3 affiliated app. i'm looking for some of them now, others may have been deleted long since. ao3 history to the rescue: here are the first shyan fics i've ever read

Tempting Fate by Squeakyshroom | 7k

AU where soulmates are real, and Ryan would rather face a demon than the truth. Or: Shane's patient, until he's not.

You'll See How Good It'll Be In The Coming Year by orphan_account | 9k

Ryan and Shane go to a New Years party for inhumans, then go home.

we found each other hungry by abovetheruins | 9k

He’d laughed with the rest of his friends when they’d seen the billboard advertising the site. They’d all been a little buzzed and high on the adrenaline of another successful semester under their belts, but he’d woken up the next morning with the site’s name poking at his subconscious, and by the end of the day he had created an account and set up a profile. It wasn’t that he was struggling, per se, but tuition was fucking expensive and he didn’t want his parents to pay for a dime, so he’d buckled down and juggled classes and two part-time jobs to pay for it all, until he’d gotten so used to nights of little to no sleep that the bags beneath his eyes were deep enough to drown in and he was spending most of his waking hours fueled by caffeine and adrenaline and little else. If he had a chance to get compensated for nothing more strenuous than spending some time with a lonely old dude, well, what kind of idiot would he be to pass that up?

The Mysterious Disappearance of Shane Madej by waitforhightide | 13k

The thing about Ryan Bergara was that he didn't trust his own brain. So when he arrived at the office and asked TJ if he’d seen Shane yet, and TJ said, “Who?” Ryan’s reaction was first to look around for cameras, and second, for Shane. For the reality check, for the affirmation that TJ had said what Ryan himself had heard.

Better Than Being Hung Up By The Thumbs by orphan_account | 3k

Shane's stance on being hung from his thumbs versus being spanked has changed somewhat.

You Make the World Seem Bigger by beethechange | 40k

The creature stirs. She squirm-drags herself down until she’s on Ryan’s belly, and then she noses at the pocket of his hoodie. Ryan gently tucks her in so only her head is visible, and they both watch as she sighs happily and burrows into the warmth. Ryan looks up at him, beaming. It is, Shane has to admit, very cute. “Ryan Bergara, Father of Goat-Dragons,” Shane says. “I can’t believe she already likes you best.” “Yeah, well,” Ryan says. “You tried to name her Snooki and turn her over to the state of California, so you reap what you sow.” OR: Ryan and Shane film a Supernatural episode in the Pine Barrens on the elusive Jersey Devil. They don’t manage to find it, but a few months after filming, one definitely finds them. And it’s decided they’d make great adoptive parents.

there were several deleted works in here ;-; but here's at least some of baby me discovering shyan haha <3 NOW TELL ME YOURS

[findusinaweek]

Writing Tag Game

I was tagged by both @brasideios and @aeide (thanks you two!).

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

(I only have 6 Ao3 fics so I added the WIPs. I went down a rabbithole trying to find my old Fanfiction.net fics for funsies but I think my account has been deleted. That’s for the best! Fics listed in order of when I started.)

1) “Erwin watches Levi eat, the way Levi elegantly lifts the fork, the way his lips wrap around the utensil, the way his lashes flutter just the slightest when he tastes something he likes.” -from Might Just Say It Tonight, a modern AU Attack on Titan Erwin Smith/Levi Ackerman songfic I wrote in 2016. 

2) “Steve flips through the radio stations on the way home from dropping Dustin off, watching the snowflakes scuttle about in his high beams.” - from Happy Xmas, Eddie (War is Over). It’s a holiday Stranger Things ficlet where Steve is grieving over Eddie while realizing he had a crush on him. 

3) “After that night on Mount Taygetos, Deimos loses her sense of self.” - From A Clean Cut, my ACO ficlet on Deimos symbolically cutting her hair after leaving the cult of Kosmos.

4) “Alexios’s fingertips graze the jawline of his sleeping lover, feels the scratch of his beard on his own calloused hand.” - from a Lykaon/Alexios ACO WIP. Alexios is about to leave Lykaon because he worries about the Cult of Kosmos hunting him.

5) “Amanda is halfway to classes when she realizes the world is starting to blur around her.” - From My Father Understands the Demons I Wrestle With In My Daydreams, a Dream Daddy ficlet where Amanda turns to her dad during a mental health crisis. 

6) “Alexios watches the ochre light flit across Brasidas’ skin, reflecting from the fire they’d lit to warm each other.” -From Braid, ACO Alexios/Brasidas ficlet. Alexios watches Brasidas unbraid his hair. 

7) “No one recognized the man who had discovered the ossuary but they all remarked on his strange haircut and just how many times he called his colleagues malákes.”  - From Ossuary, ACO WIP where Alexios helps uncover Brasidas’ ossuary in 1976.

8) “When Kassandra clasps a hand over her mouth she resists biting it away but the smirk on the mistios face is enough for her to pause.” - From A Night on the Adrestia, a ACO Kassandra/Gelon fic. Self indulgent smut.

9) “It is already 8 pm. He wonders where the day goes.” - From a Dream Daddy WIP that I don’t think I’ll finish. 

10) “This was not the time for triumph, not with the stench of carnations wafting to his nose.” - From Bad Things to Such Good People, a Modern ACO WIP where Deimos!Alexios AU is wallowing in villainy. 

I think everyone that I would normally tag is already tagged/has already done this? Everyone else is not my mutual and I don’t want to overstep boundaries just outright tagging them? Ok, so hello friends and internet strangers, consider yourself tagged! 

[oftwineandvine]

and i wouldn't marry me either. a pathalogical people-pleaser, who only wanted you to see her.

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light now, i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

do you remember when i pored over the exact right shade of green (seafoam green will never be fern green no matter how hard it tries, and emerald green would've sent our anxiety spiking the second we entered the room but you still let me have my three hour uninterrupted monologue about why maybe olive green or pickle green would be the way to go when you knew, i knew, we both knew that sage green was what we wanted from the beginning) for hours? you were busy polishing the floors. you wanted the light beaming in from the window to reflect all over the space, to open it up as much as it could, to make it look as fresh and new as it could be by the time that nori set foot in the space.

you spent weeks building a bookshelf into a wall. i was so serious about reading more. i made us both get goodreads accounts. i fell off after writing approximately one review about daisy jones and the six. you were still updating yours when i deleted the app from my phone a month ago. i wonder if you finished siddhartha, after all.

your weeks of blood, sweat and tears have driven up the property value because you knew hardwood was the way to go.

i wish i could reach out and say thank you. i also don't really plan to.

how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

i remember when the girls played solo for me for the first time. i think i excused myself to go to the bathroom afterwards, blamed it on hayfever. i'm the organisational hand behind the creative wizardry heart and soul of the most talented people i know, and my bassline (or even better, baseline) serves as the rhythmic and harmonic foundation for them to work their magic. i'm as steady as the bass is. my bass will keep the rhythm going, me and lis will keep everyone's feet tapping. i sometimes don't even understand what the lyrical creatives have to say.

but when i heard the words "i know i'm verging on a masochist / and this feeling's getting kind of scary" and "so long, long gone are the days when we were / one and the same / at least i can admit it / you're apathetic / let it go, can't let it go" fall from cristal's mouth and felt more than a little read by my friends' separate experiences that had nothing to do with me, and remembered in that moment the power of music to not just heal but to expose your most nauseating wounds, i realised maybe it wasn't quite right for me to find our big, beautiful porch a promise of forever on our swings when we're 80 years old but instead a moat that's keeping me from feeling anything real. i think i busted my knees crying on the bathroom floor.

i hadn't felt anything real for a year or two other than the sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach by the time i let you know.

do something babe, say something lose something, babe, risk something choose something, babe, i got nothin' to believe, unless you're choosin' me

to put it plainly, you didn't choose me in the way i wanted you to choose me and i didn't choose you. i'm an aries. a fire sign at its most obvious. i long for anger, ardor, devotion, fervour, fire. i desire to devour and to be devoured.

i bite my tongue so hard i taste blood now and it's fine. it's just fine. my fingers are sticky with the salt from the margarita i shared with someone else last night. my tongue savoured and is starting to crave the taste of someone else's spit. i always found comfort in the blanket of safety and security you provided me with, and all i feel now is relief in complete and total freedom. i would never call you a hindrance, but my love, i hadn't realised how much i was blocking out the sun's rays by staying somewhere that didn't serve either one of us. i was entrapping you as much as i was entrapping myself in something that was no longer working.

i can't find a pulse my heart won't start anymore for you

guilt is felt primarily in the heart but when i felt my heart stirring and waking up a couple of days ago after a year or two of vast empty nothing, i can tell you there wasn't a single ounce of shame in my body. i can tell you the heat i felt, in my heart, in my stomach, between my thighs... it had nothing to do with anyone but her. maybe the guilt crept up when i let her name fall from my lips to my best friend. you're the only person they've heard about in years, but... i think maybe you'd be glad to know that they're happy i remembered kissing people is fun sometimes.

i forgot that kissing people is fun sometimes.

stop, you're losing me.