#be-kind-enough-not-to-get-angry
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Kindness is universal. Sometimes being kind allows others to see the goodness in humanity through you. Always be kinder than necessary.
Germany Kent
#quotes#Germany Kent#thepersonalwords#literature#life quotes#prose#lit#spilled ink#answer-to-a-prayer#be-kind#be-kind-enough-not-to-get-angry#be-kind-quotes#be-kind-to-all#be-kind-to-others#be-kind-to-someone#be-kind-today#be-kinder#be-the-change#be-the-change-quotes#be-the-hero-you-can-t-find#be-the-joy-of-others#be-the-light#be-the-light-in-someone-s-life#be-the-light-quote#be-the-light-quotes#be-the-lighthouse#being-kind#being-kind-and-humble#being-kind-to-your-fellow-woman#change
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Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!
Mentioning an unfamiliar name
yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..
I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.
#null rot#yandere kny#yandere demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#midori306#YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE YANDERE QUESTION MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER#uwaa and i recently checked back on their designs.. THEY HAVE LONG SLANTED EARS DUDE WHAT THE FUCKKK THATS LIKE THE CUTEST EVER#i tend to shitpost and focus on the dere than the yan but thats my mistake!! im sorry cult members.. I'll need scarousal#when calling sekdio. he pretends to ignore you but you can tell he heard you when his ear twitches#He's flabbergasted that you met someone else to begin with. who let you go out without one of them?!#hes too shocked and angry to even properly get upset!!#Karaku loves everything you have to say. less so if its positive abt someone else. still listens tho. listening carefully for details..#he doesnt mind others eyeing you. youre perfect in his eyes. who wouldnt? still.. thats not gonna fly well.#Urogi loves when you seek him out but mentioning someone else... is bc you want to feed him right? ofc! you want to benefit him!#its cause hes your favorite! yeah! youre so sweet!!! ofc he'll get rid of someone for you both!!#Aizetsu's bashful. he feels put on the spot when calling him but hes always hoping you give him affection of some kind. always ready for yo#mentioning someone else was NOT what he wanted and now hes sad.. youre making him sad.. whats so important you had to bring that up?#The thought of anyone else makes him feel so exhausted already.. wont you comfort him instead? he needs you now.. atone for your mistakes#uwaa expressions.. uwaaa aizetsu releasing some of the tension in his brows when hes feeling upset towards you uWAA#i CANT RAMBLE ENOUGH IN THE TAGS SO WAIT FOR THE POST I HAVE IN THE BACK BURNER FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO ASKED FOR SOMETHING SIMILAR!!!!!!!
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Out of Context Stuff for a Danyal Al Ghul au i haven't posted - Pit Beast Danyal
Damian, 13: Look, Danyal, -- I am so sorry for everything that happened between us in the League, I hope you can forgive me.
Danny, 10 (allegedly): (has been secretly plotting to murder Damian this whole time, is still gonna do it obvs, but is going to make it significantly less painful now)
Danny: I-- of course, older brother. :]
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Bruce: what do you have there, Damian?
Damian:
Danny: (a hulking 10ft pit beast standing beside him, growling idly with ram horns gouging out his eyes and a second set of horns jutting into the air, spines down his back, and a long, spiked tail with an animalistic, skull-like face)
Damian, who smuggled him in (they've made amends): a smoothie, father
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Damian: this is my little brother Danyal, i murdered him when he was five. He festered in rage for the last half-a decade, took over a League mountain base in Switzerland, murdered everyone inside and then tried to murder me when I went to investigate with Drake.
Danny: hello!
Damian: we're cool now
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Damian: thoughts on resurrection
Danny, (a full ghost): i will succeed in murdering you if you try it
Damian: we'll put a pin in it then
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Danny (still instilled with League values): why don't we just murder him??
Damian, on patrol (Danny followed him): we don't murder people, Danyal
Danyal:,,,,are you sick, Dami?? Have you been possessed? Why not!?
(There is raucous laughing through the comms)
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Danny, five, pre-death: Dami! :D
Danny, dead, vengeful: Older brother (:
Danny, post-forgiveness: Dami! :]
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For some actual context: Danny is fully dead in this au, its a result of the classic DPxDC Demon Twins "death duel" trope but instead of Danny getting revived, he stays fully dead. Danny was five, Damian was seven. His ghost lingered though, and due to the proximity of the pits his ghost steadily absorbed the ambient energy it was letting off. The pits are not corrupted ectoplasm in this au, it's just liquid ecto.
Which means Danny's corruption from an angry and hurt little ghost boy to an unrecognizable monster is from his own doing. It's a result of him stewing in his hurt and anger for years, it physically warped him. He's very powerful. Danny can travel between League Bases but chose a small, out-of-the-way base in the Swiss mountains to fester in and then just. Never Left.
His influence steeped into the very foundations of the building, allowing him to transform and warp the rooms and hallways for his own bidding, Meaning he could turn it into a seemingly unending labyrinth if he so wished to, and block the entrance.
Eventually, blinded (both metaphorically and physically) by his own rage, Danny grew powerful enough to appear physically in the living realm and attacked everyone in the base, slaughtering them all and leaving the base abandoned. He attacks anyone who dares enter -- whether that be other league members, or the unfortunate hiker who stumbled across the base. His conscious is steeped into every nook and cranny of the building, there is nowhere you can hide where he can't find. Nobody leaves without his explicit say so. Nobody ever does.
Him appearing as ten years old before Damian in the skits above is his own physical doing. First it was to prevent Damian from being suspicious of him. Damian initially thought Danny was revived with the pits, he was too busy with his own training afterwards to notice that Danny never showed up again, and when he did notice, he assumed it was because Danny was too ashamed of his loss to face him. He'd always forget to ask about him.
Then it becomes a personal choice to appear as ten. It's how old he would've been had he been alive.
danny forgiving Damian is kinda for an offshoot branch of the main au. Whereas the main au takes the form of a ps4 first person horror game where Damian and Tim are investigating the Base for Plot Reasons. There's no sign of the rumored "monster" living inside until the end, where Danny, who was found inside the Base and has been happily "helping" them look around, manages to persuade Damian into splitting off from Tim in order to "show him something."
This something turns out to be Danny revealing that he never really forgave Damian for that fight, and he reveals through a horrifying transformation, that he was the monster the whole time. Which the game subtly hints at throughout as Danny's strange behavior becomes harder to ignore.
First from his insistence to only refer to Damian as "older brother" (when before the duel he always called him Damian or Dami), to him right off the bat denying the existence of a monster when questioned. ("There's no monster here, older brother. It's just me.") To other various things, like his knowledge of the outside world not matching up to modern times or things going on with the league outside of the base, or what happened to the other league members.
This whole idea was inspired by the song "Scylla" from Epic the Musical, with Danyal being the voice of Scylla as well as Odysseus, while Damian stands as Eurylochus. The instrumentals after Scylla says "hello" is him turning into the pit beast, and Scylla's "drown in your sorrow and fears" part is danny, as the pit beast, snarling at Damian while he attacks him.
There's a Good Ending, a Bad Ending, and a True Ending. The Bad Ending results in Damian being killed by Danny, it happens when Damian decides not to question or suspect Danny and treats him kindly. The Bad Ending is a cutscene, where Danny kills Damian quick and painlessly.
Meanwhile the Good Ending is Damian killing Danny. This is a boss fight, and it happens when Damian treats Danny coldly and suspiciously the whole time. Danny as a result, decides to make Damian's death painful as he had planned to, which is why it's a boss fight because it only causes him to double down on his anger.
The True Ending is Damian escapes with Tim. It happens when you treat Danny warmly up until the last minute, where when Danny proposes to Damian that he wants to show him something, Damian goes to talk to Tim and finally, reluctantly agrees that something is off with Danny, and that he'll be careful going in. It starts off with the boss fight until a third through, where it then changes to a cutscene where Tim manages to get the door open and Damian escapes out. It's then a chase scene down a never-ending hallway as the building actively works to keep you trapped inside. But you eventually make it to the exit so long as you avoid all the projectiles and doors.
Remember when I mentioned that Danny only lets people leave when he wants them to? That's where the treating Danny kindly throughout the game comes into play. It causes him to second guess himself and, eventually, reawaken and strengthen the love and admiration he had for Damian prior to his murder. It's why in the Bad Ending he kills Damian quickly -- because by then, he loves him enough that he doesn't want him to suffer, but is still so consumed by his rage and need for vengeance that he kills him anyways. That quiet part is what allows Damian (and Tim) to find the exit, because some part of Danny still loves Damian enough that he wants him to live.
The True Ending ends with a cutscene of Damian and Tim tumbling out into the snow/grass outside of the base. Damian looks up back to the entrance to see Danny standing there. But rather than a ten year old boy, there's a little five year old Danyal Al Ghul instead. He stares at Damian emotionlessly, blood seeping from his chest, staining his clothes, and little, bloody sword in his hands and tearstains on his cheeks, before he turns away and disappears back into the building.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danyal al ghul au#danny phantom#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#pit beast danny#danyal al ghul#dpxdc au#damian and danny forgiveness route is kinda like a post-true ending idea where damian decides to return to the base and find a way to help#danny.#and also because nobody in that fucking family processes grief in any kind of sane way he is also plotting a way to resurrect his dead#brother with the lazarus pits. he just needs to find where he was buried. and also hopefully get danny's permission. he's gonna do it anywa#but it'll be nicer if danny agrees to it beforehand. that way danny isn't angry with him when he eventually revives him#also if tim dies at any point during the game you have to restart to your last save point. there's not many opportunities for him to becaus#danny is honestly not that interested in him but its still there. some details for the game: danny's pit beast model has the highest#resolution out of everything there. meanwhile his human model has the lowest. he also lacks a shadow and his voice carries a strange echo#that's subtle enough to sound like an accidental audio mistake. his voice gets more warped as the good ending progresses and becomes more#human during both the true and bad ending. it indicates his forgiveness and growing care for damian. while in the good ending he gradually#grows more pissed.#danny has shit eyesight as a result of his eyes being gouged out for years. but since he's literally one with the building he doesn't#need any help walking through it. he can travel it with his eyes closed. if he's anywhere else though he needs to be holding onto something#he also has one eye covered in bandages in his ten year old form because he can't get that eye to heal and look human.
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#monster hunter au#monster hunter au fanart#cockroachdoodles#Listen.... I can see how he acts like a puppy around him....#The only one he might not be scared to freely act around and will to ask for affection#at the same time being a bit scared that he might leave him?...#Kind of.... he just snatched him so fast to get him away from danger#He already ready to protect him#Being grateful for what he did from him in the past#He surely could die back then!#OH HOW I love that he can't speak....#And the fact that Ratchet doesn't know that it is that same beast....#I mean of course he might have saved another beast and it would have been grateful to him but be angry enough at his kind to just run away#from him leaving him behind. He is just his saviour “and I saved him by not eating him”#But Deadlock just basically was saved twice. Trying to pay him off#And being all puppy and clumsy....#Growing up yet almost not changing ehehehe...#Wondering if there will be Wing....
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Barty is provocative as fuck and James is easy to rile up. Usually, it just leads to James storming off with Barty laughing. One time, James was having his own problems, and Barty came by and started a fight. James said the most offensive personal thing ever that got Barty so mad, he got personal too. Then they both are just yelling at each other, and everyone is kind of scared to pull them apart. Eventually James just tells him to fuck off and Barty does, for the first time, storm off.
They were seen making out later that night
#Idk guys#i just love them being angry#barty brings the worse out of james#like dont tell me all of the kindness james feels doesnt go down the drain when barty starts yapping#he shit talks barty a lot#but weirdly enough he will only be vulnerable with barty#his inner rage and pure raw unfoltered emotions only come out when barty is pulling him#and barty who lovws entertainment likes to say some stuff that james do not like#he does it anyway cause he doesnt care#he hates when people get too personal#he also hates acknowledging his problems#so when james points it out he hates it to a burning passion#but he needs james to point it out cause he will never listen to amyone else who will#but it also gets him angry and psychotic#theyre just gay#james potter#barty crouch jr#james fleamont potter#barty crouch junior#sunkiller#darksun#james x barty#iliyas yaps#iliyas hcs
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I'm genuinely devastated about DBD being canceled. but more than that, I'm ANGRY.
what's the plan, Netflix? you're mad that new people aren't signing up because you're so ubiquitous that everyone on earth who wants an account already has one, so instead of focusing on retaining your current viewers, you piss them off? snap up cool projects so other networks can't have them and then cancel them after a single season? how is this a good business model in the short OR long term?
I will not be giving them my money or my eyeballs anymore. and maybe they will use that as evidence that they shouldn't make any more queer shows. maybe they will use that as an excuse to cancel them. but if a good show with thousands of dedicated fans doesn't merit a second season, I don't trust them with future projects.
#im so fucking angry#i just needed to rant#theres no way netflix will see this lr give a shit#but i had to get it out#im so tired. im tired of only mattering as a consumer#but EVEN THAT isnt enough because im not the right kind. or there arent a million of me.#i adore the fandom and hope we will all continue to love this show together#and im going to be a positive presence in the fandom overall#i just needed to get this out#dead boy detectives
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wheee
#star's shinies#mostly just messing with light no further commentary#I thought I did but I couldn't find the panel I wanted to reference#I may have misremembered it or had a different translation sooo#yeah no random meta today#Actually#why does viper consider Oroborous to be their strongest illusion when mirage R is so overpowered#idk maybe I missed something but I think it more speaks to their perception of power and control#they have that whole illusions vs martial arts thing going on with fon but the illusions they claim are their most powerful... are the ones#that are real? not the ones that affect the mind so strongly#I think part of that is that they have clearly had to prove themselves a lot *to* people who don't value that power#which has led to that duality of the pride and arrogance they present with their seemingly low actual opinion of themself and their talents#also#fon and mammon have many neat parallels I think#they may have been designed to be similar in that way even? opposing colours (light vs dark) but still that flowy shape language#but primarily in their flames#disintegration and construction exist in opposition to each other while also relying on the same? axis? maybe? idk#+ you get that kind of personality conflict where the one with the destructive powers is calm and controlled while the one with the creativ#powers is unstable and almost fragile#which in some ways makes their powers uniquely dangerous in their hands specifically- there are many destructive and angry storm users#in khr but that power in the hands of someone who will think before using it is much more worrying#and unstable mist users are shown again and again to be especially dangerous because someone who can bend reality losing their grip on#reality is a recipe for disaster#and to think I said I had no meta today#khr#katekyo hitman reborn#viper khr#mammon khr#fon khr#not in the art but I rambled about him in the tags enough that I think I need to tag him
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knowing I will be misgendered for the rest of my life and essentially being forced to begrudgingly accept that reality does not make it any easier or less exhausting or wearing on my soul every time it happens
#i am so happy with my gender and what i have done to get where i am but my god#as it happens i try to just shrug it off but its a weight that accumulates and how much longer before i breakdown or get angry and cold#i am kind of just real tired being surrounded by cis people all fay every day#and surrounded by people who are performative allies#and paying ungodly amounts of money to an institution where only a small percentage of faculty actually try/care#is life not exhausting enough to then be invalidated at every corner? whatever#the speaking clown
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i made interps of 2p liech and 2p swiss so many years ago but never posted em... not sure where the files are now. >__< but i finally am working on the new ones lol. i know that 2p swiss and 2p liech arent as popular, but theyre one of the few i have an Actual history planned out for.
tldr: the worlds ultimate paranoid germaphobe and his creepy little sister, who is armed with lysol wipes and also a Gun
#(in tears) and they were adopted siblings...#hetalia#2p hetalia#2p liechtenstein#2p switzerland#not an ask#switzerland: liech PLEASE dont kill anyone. ur going to get blood everywhere... [pause] ALSO ITS WRONG#liech: T_T okey..#i took the implications of swiss isolation + the home of the red cross and went nuts..#oh? medical themes? AND isolation? youre kidding me. i can do so much with him.#and as for liech... in a world like 2p where cruelty isnt just inevitable; its EXPECTED#for her to be saved... to have nothing to give to be worth nothing at all... and to be saved...#i think. switz's kindness hits a lil harder in this world#so shes like his scrappy little angry hate-filled guard dog chihuhua thing.#she is filled with hate yes.. but also love. <3#idea: switz has pity for humans but not like. good pity. he is sad that humans die so much so he does charity and red cross and peace work#but he has no respect for humans whatsoever... and not even nations to an extent tbh... those who mimic humans at least#ie those who are prone to human traits... childishness and indulgence and violence and ego and whatnot...#ok enough talking
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genuinely though, i think the fact that there's a good chance some of the most visible blogs in the fandom will insult you and your perspective if you disagree with them, indirectly but with more than enough context that anyone who's seen what you said would know its about you, has probably been disastrous for the state of CR meta on here
#i was so discouraged and confused the first couple times it happened to me! if i hadn't been as confident in my writing/analysis#and didn't find it kind of funny how angry some ppl were getting at posts i thought were very innocuous#i probably wouldn't have kept trying long enough to find like minded people in the fandom who appreciated what i had to say#and who say really interesting things in return! which is what makes it worth it when the fandom gets demoralizing now#crposting#cr discourse
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unfortunately the world is too fucking messed up so I am currently unable to give a shit about how messed up everything is because it's all too big and if I get upset about any of it my entire ability to be a person will come crashing in
normal service will resume as soon as possible
#red said#this is not a choice I'm making. to be clear.#it's just that after everything that's happened in the last year or so i am currently incapable of having a feeling beyond 'oh.'#just a kind of blank stare of 'this is certainly information i am recieving'#so I'm giving myself permission. to be numb to the horrors of the world for a short while.#because being mad at myself for not caring enough doesn't seem to be doing much to help and it's sapping me more#so i figure. i just accept that right now i cannot summon any strong reactions to things however much they deserve them#and hopefully a short time of that will help me rekindle my will to fight cause right now frankly I'm getting nowhere#I've still been trying to show up and do what i can but it feels so overwhelmingly pointless i think I'm actively undercutting myself#like I'm actively extending the period in which I can't fully commit myself to any cause or action#i can't even get angry any more and this shit deserves so much anger#but I've been angry for so long i think I've lost track of how to hold it as a live thing#I'm angry about 15 years of social murder in my own country. I'm angry about the ongoing violence against Palestine. I'm angry about Congo.#I'm angry about the death penalty in the US and I'm angry about the ongoing quiet genocide of First Nations people in Canada#and I'm angry about climate change I'm angry that people are burning and freezing around the world. I'm angry and I'm fucking scared#but none of that's GOING anywhere and none of it seems to be worth shit and at some point it just gets ossified#it's not like. a driving force at the moment. it's not propelling me it's not doing anything it's just a constant scab yk#i need. to feel like my anger has any kind of worth or does any kind of good. and that's not there it's just so built up.#i need too flush it out and start with it fresh and keen#cause at this stage yeah I'm just too tired by it to feel it intensely. it's just background noise.#i see the thing about Trump bringing back the federal death penalty or i watch my government debate how best to attack migrants#and I'm just like. 'oh. that's bad. that is a bad thing that's happening.' and i feel nothing#because at this point I'm so used to be information causing anger and fear and hopelessness that it doesn't like. register as a feeling.#this isn't happening about everything. i can still feel things on an interpersonal level. but that like. systems anger.#it's not landing cause i am so struggling emotionally to feel like i can do a single thing with it#like not just stuff happening Over There but here too. people i live being attacked out neglected by structural forces.#I'm succumbing to the 'oh. that's bad.' bc honestly i just have run out of road in being angry#i don't think it's permanent i think I'm just exhausted
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like on the one hand language matters and i too sometimes find slang trends annoying and/or concerning and on the other hand sometimes women do actually make jokes and talk shit on the internet with their friends and it is not actually that deep and commentary on phenomena gets to a weird point where i’m like i don’t know how “these idiot losers on the internet using a two to four word phrase they will have moved on from in a year are basically the primary cause of patriarchal oppression” is the feminist take. like sometimes i start to think the plot has been lost.
#girl dinner sort of radicalized me on this#but i recently saw (can’t remember where) a really impassioned and genuinely angry and upset deep reading of ‘i’m just a girl’#which more than anything made me think of the anti taylor swift redditors who think it’s super weird when swifties call her mother#bc they’re online but in that particular reddit way where they’re still offline enough to like. think swifties invented this#and that it came from their troubling psychosexual obsession with taylor swift#and is uniquely revealing of the swiftie mentality#instead of… well i don’t have to explain it to you.#like are there people as accused in wherever i saw this trying to use ‘i’m just a girl’ to dodge accountability or refuse to grow or w/e?#yeah probably. people with bad personalities do all kinds of things!#i don’t really believe in the hypothetical adult woman who would be learning and growing if only she had not encountered#people on the internet saying ‘i’m just a girl’ who gave her permission to thus infantilize herself#i think that’s making up a guy to get mad at. girl to get mad at. whatever.#and like it’s complicated and if for example you said girl math to me i would become the joker instantly….#but…. idk. sometimes it feels weird! sometimes the vibes are off!#also i should be sleeping but i have had the HICCUPS#although working myself up about this seems to have distracted me while they calmed down
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you wear your consequences around jaw-length
#original#ocs#fauns#oc art#Dante Durant#is anyone out there? she's my evetything#save me character who is doing objectively worse than me. save me#go girl! RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE#i keep saying consequences but is it really consequences if you do it to yourself??#i mean. it would've gone down either way. but she did that. she made that choice and stuck with it#she knew what it'd mean. she did that#literally dante's whole thing started with this idea. you cut a faun's hair and that means something but dante. dante chose that#they did that#it's i want you dead bad enough that i'll do this myself. not just accepting the result but embracing it if that's what it means to get rid#of you. look at me. im doing this to myself and we both know you know what comes next. watch this. you next#I LOVE ANGRY WOMEN !!!!<3<3<3!!#maybe i like angry trans characters. what do almost all of them have in common :] sniles so sneetly#except reiji. he's just kind of sad#the rest of em tho. RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE
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oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock
#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock#if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died#sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior-#kipspeak#she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more ‘shameful’ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not#to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now#this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky#Is just fun for her. it’s fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or they’ll never learn to laugh at themselves#the twins and thancred 🫵 do this thing where they have big emotions but they don’t want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions#so alphy pretends he doesn’t have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is#just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. he’s got enough baggage for a flatbed#anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o#weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot#it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting#she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct#just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close#my brother didn’t learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and he’s#HILARIOUS. Don’t tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasn’t learned when to stop yet#too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed#very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if they’re having fun#and try to stop her if they’re not having fun. case in point ‘what is that supposed to mean?!’ vs ‘alisaie ryne was only trying to help.’#I know they’re twins but that’s such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me#LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya#It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actions—#I’m not done let me s#she and raha are friends now I decree. ‘haha you like me’ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH
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how are we doing this fine friday evening
#mellipost#left work to go get my medical supplies that they love to leave at a collection point much further away than I request#managed to get both boxes home am tired and hungry#enter our building where renovations are ongoing so I already know there won't be any water until march and most things are sealed off#enter my apartment#carefully set my medical packages down ONLY in my wardrobe since floor is always covered in building dust and debris#turn around#plastic tube running from completely sealed in bathroom to closed living room towards the balcony#sealed in bathroom has a giant warning sign with ASBESTOS WARNING#FML immediately leave apartment to call my landlady to see if I'm like safe or whatever#she calls the responsible people and quickly (thank god) gets back to me saying I should be safe and don't touch any equipment#equipment piled up in front of my bedroom but it's not her fault#torn between being angry at whomever left a red bull can on my floor and being relieved that at least the construction people have felt saf#enough to consume something in here I guess#I kind of wanted to start up streaming again this weekend but friends buddies fellow residents of this planet idk if I have it in me#gonna check out wikipedia to see how soon I should expect symptoms in case asbestos turns out to be real and present l m a o#after ordering food#not thrilled about eating in here if I'm gonna be real with you but I'm too tired to go out
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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