#be loved. + gah i feel like two of the major scenes are familial even (wulf & renie.

[toestalucia]

ask me for gbf event recommendations (i will answer falsetto in the autumn gray)

[washymylifeaway]

MatsuHana fanfic recs

HI LOVES :D MatsuHana is one of my FAVORITE ships and I always love reading their fics! I’m procrastinating my other wips rn, so that do be why this is coming out rn LOL. Also that ask really made me get onto writing this, so anon thank you for sending it in LOL. There are some with VERY sensitive topics and they’re very BOLD, but I hope you all are safe while going through this list <3 (also matsuhana leans more to lots of drinking, spicy smut scenes, and teenage boy humor (like d*ck jokes and sexual innuendos) and sometimes I don’t remember to warn for that, so again CAUTION)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

plus one by orphan_account (G) 6.1k // this fic made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside LOL. It’s also hilarious and is definitely worth a read! When will I get to share a heart shaped bed with someone :( But I really love it when they just go with the flow of things, and other people are like,,, aren’t you already dating? BUT THEY’RE LIKE UMMM NO? HSAKJSH.

rated m for by orphan_account (T) 10.7k // I love this fic it made me laugh so much throughout the whole thing! The vibes in this fic are immaculate and give me life (we love a good reunion with mystery writers), it is SO good! That’s why you should never leave/stop listening prematurely (@ iwa when he was a single dad fic). 

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream by h_lovely (T) 12.4k // THIS IS SO GOOD, I love this fic. It really takes you through the emotions, and I love all the development in it!!!! Their relationship with one another (but only as homies right? ofc ofc), and even their families loving the other, this fic is so good! Read it even if you don’t like slow burn, you won’t even notice <3333

call me maybe by totooru (T) 33.6k // okay yea another (semi) chat fic,,, fight me. MatsuHana are just funny in general but throw some other characters (like Kuroo) into it and it turns into a comedy show. But the main point of this fic was like the near miss meetings and I think that the misunderstanding were hilarious (as much as I hate misunderstandings LOL).

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal by plumtrees (M) 10.9k // I lost this fic once and I searched for it FOR THE LONGEST TIME. But that’s cause I wanted to reread this masterpiece. IT’S SO FUNNY AND CUTE AND DOMESTIC AND UGH. Also the small angst made me SO SAD. But the ENDING? THE KISSES AHHHHHHH. (I’m yelling a lot BUT that’s cause I really love this fic <3333)

hang out fall in love by carafin (T) 8.6k // I love the Makki hates Mattsun initially but then falls for the irresistible charm he posses trope. It might be my favorite trope for MatsuHana specifically LOL. Like I really love this fic and it has MAGIC. It’s like a magical version of the VA one LOL. But like no radio shows or reunited best friends in this one :(

THESE ARE VERY ANGST!!!!!!!

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k // THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

The Truth Comes Out by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon (T) 10.2k // this made me so sad and empty after I read it. Like I just sat there being like wtf did I just read I’m sad now. Again read the tags, there is a suicide attempt but there’s also some cheating in this one. This one also ends happy. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

New:

kiyala // this writer has a LOT of fluffy MatsuHana and I really love their works! It’s just all (for the most part) really cute and there’s a lotta blurred lines and boundaries that get cleared up (they define what their relationship is but with ~love~) in their fics :) My fav? Making Sense by kiyala (T) 1.5k // it’s very cute and I am one who loves when things just fall into place :D

tookumade // this writer has some of MY FAVORITE MatsuHana fics in it and I’m kinda really sad I don’t get to ramble on about them here :( (dw I will elsewhere LOL) If I had to choose, I would say Remind Me by tookumade (T) 28.6k and Zenith, Nadir by tookumade (T) 10.7k were my absolute favorites, but I cannot choose between them so don’t make me.

plumtrees // I LOVE THIS WRITER OMG. Again, someone who has written my all time FAVORITE fics (did I mention OF ALL TIME?) and I’ve obsessively read some of them too many times :’) Because I already recommended my other faves above, Captured Light by plumtrees (T) 3.5k will be my acting favorite rn. It’s really cute and depicts some really sweet moments between MatsuHana too!

h_lovely // this writer has SO MANY GOOD FICS! I really love their series and their getting together fics are all SO GOOD UGH. I recommended my favorite teen one above, but the other ones I loved are explicit so just check out this writer in general LOL. (I REALLY love mirror flower, water moon, it’s my favorite but it’s E cause some smexy scene happen, but it’s really SO good omfg. Also the roses series IS AMAZING as well!!!!)

cream puffs and carnations; by crossbelladonna (series) 11.6k // AU SERIES!!! I love the AU’s in this series and I really liked the prompts they chose for this MatsuHana week :D My favorite from this series might’ve been there he is again by crossbelladonna (T) 1.6k cause a) I love the mattsun hc in this (for his appearance) and b) IT’S CUTE :D I definitely related to Makki and his not very subtle crushing, and also I like the IwaOi + Makki as friends trope (and then they meet Mattsun), if you couldn’t tell yet LOL.

on the anatomy of crushes by carafin (T) 2.3k // (kinda cp but not LOL) it’s very short and cute and I love it a lot LOL. I love medical AU’s (even though it’s very back burner LOL), but also, like Mattsun saves the day is the move. Like the dedication he has even going on the bus? Especially for a guy? Amazing. I could never :’)

Parallel Lines by orphan_account (T) 16.3k // IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE CONSTANTLY. I hate math. Just putting that out here. And while it’s a math fic, IT? IS? SO? GOOD???? And like I love it when characters are smart, like I love intelligent characters so like this was just ajndf. (also same Mattsun, I am allergic to normal math.) 

live it up, drink it in by punybastard (T) 2.1k // GAH this one! This is a pretty iconic fic in MatsuHana hell (in my personal opinion) and if I didn’t have that two fic limit on my staple fics, this would be there. I really loved the ending of it (v cute and v well done), but also the small side stories that were inserted made it all the more entertaining :D (aka the volleyball) But they are drinking underage, so if you’re not about that BE WARNED.

it's cold out here by bishounen_curious (M) 8.6k // PLEASE I LOVE THIS FIC. YES READ YESYESYES READ. OKAY FIRST check tags and warnings, there’s a lot going on in this fic. Like don’t be stupid like them, drinking underage, and don’t do drugs not a good idea very very bad. Aside from that, I am in love with sad sad sad Makki (along with stupid IwaOi) and him being a sad drunk made me ajhkjdfs. Just read it and feel the akfnakjs with me LMFAO.

poolside by tothemoon (T) 4.1k // I’m starting this out with I LOVE the ending and I REALLY LOVE the way this confession panned out. It’s such a great concept and it made me ajhfldshf inside!!! Also, recursive endings are some of my favorites (if you couldn’t already tell LOL), and I think it really makes something so nostalgic and adds depth to a fic.

The Courage of Stars by FairyLights101 (T) 7.1k // AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC YES!!!! OKAY TW CANCER THERE’S CANCER IN THIS NO DEATH JUST PAIN and chemo (which basically is pain). Some controversy, but the angst part of me wanted him to die DONT GET ME WRONG, I’m glad he lived, but like imagine. I really love this fic, and his efforts in the bucket list were admirable :’)

we could be the greatest team by anyadisee (T) 5.7k // it’s my crack fic :D Yes, this is just Seijoh messing around, boys being boys, relationships being compared with other relationships. No pining, just me with my established relationships (and Iwa fanclubs cause those are a thing. ALWAYS).

Wet Your Whistle by darkmagicalgirl (E) 5.4k // SMUT ALERT okay but like while it’s a major plot point (lmfao I can’t believe myself), the storyline itself is good. Also, I’m all here for bartender Makki and tattoo Makki and not subtle at all Makki and basically everything Makki. I like banter and stupidity okay?

[obnoxious clucking noises] by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.4k // some more crack fic for you <3333 Literally, just idiots being idiots. That’s the fic. LMFAO but seriously, I would like to participate as well,,,,, I have yet to lose a game of gay chicken cause of my lack of fear akdjaslk.

that's what you get (for waking up in vegas) by skittidyne (T) 4.2k // THIS IS SO FUNNY. I love Elvis cause he’s always officiating marriages in my fics LMFAO. But also IwaOi in this added some real nice comedy, and overall another crack fic but I really liked this one (AGAIN LMFAO).

A Bouquet of Flours by guyfierimpreg (G) 5.2k // first I want to know how they got the flour to scream, I just can’t figure it out so if anyone would like to send me pictures that’d be great. Second, they would do this bs and this is all canon. I said what I said, and I don’t take criticism. Like, matsuhana best parents proven by the magical mishaps fic (LMAO).

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic (renaissance) (M) 2.1k // okay I just wanted to say that the accuracy in the math stuff being mentioned makes me feel like this writer was in calc ab or something and that’s trauma right there. Anyways, it’s a texting fic kinda sorta getting together kinda sorta not? Idk how to explain it, but it was funny and then smut LMFOAJIAHFSJS (the derail was just like IwaOi in gay chicken, someone call the police LMFAO).

nebulas by tothemoon (T) 10.8k // I like the casualness of it. Like the confession was just so casual (smooth Mattsun) and like the progression was GOOD. Like, it’s a very poetic fic and there’s lots of thinking of deeper meaning, but its still got some comedy sprinkled throughout. I really loved the flow of it!!!!

my heart beats for contract law by orphan_account (T) 4.4k // I too would have a breakdown over school (me pretending like I haven’t already done that ahaha), but I really love so many things about this fic! Everything was just so ajsdfljdsn and I really love the 3 part plan Mattsun comes up with :DDDD (esp pt 3). Also, to propose while having an emotional breakdown at 3am in a McDonalds drive through. A mf dream.

Reflex by hiuythn (T) 2.3k // PLEASE IF THEY DIDN’T MEET AT HS THIS WOULD BE CANON ASF. You cannot tell me you don’t think this would not be cannon asf. They would meet like this. Also poor Teuchi stuck in the middle of all of this. I haven’t watched naruto, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is random emotional sexual bonding over something. That is important. (THE ENDING AJKFHKJ)

You're in Pink (and I'm in blue) by Hyeyu (T) 4.4k // whooooo Hanahaki whooo anyway, despite how it seems, I like the hanahaki trope. I don’t fully understand it sometimes (most of the time tbh), but it adds some nice angst and desperate confessions, and I do appreciate those :D Honestly, I really liked the way this fic panned out, and I felt really bad for Iwa LOL.

stranger things by tinypersonhotel (G) 10.2k // I really like this one :D:D:D I love Makki + Oikawa friendship and they’re really the best to each other :’) The ending was satisfying, and the PLOT omg. It was SO good. I feel like I say this a lot though LOL, but I’m just really into fics with good plot progression (or else I don’t read them OOPS).

something of a disaster by latenights (T) 1.4k // chaos ahahhaha. Another crack fic? I hope no one is surprised LOL. It’s just a really short and simple, cute getting together fic with a LOT of insults LOL. I love this one in particular, “Tooru’s dinner special”.

snakes, meth labs and something like love by orphan_account (G) 3.6k // THE ROOMMATE AD PLEASE. I honestly would never think Oikawa would get a snake, but that doesn’t matter LOL. This was me indulging myself in the makki IwaOi best friends and mattsun stranger agenda but it’s a great agenda okay? It’s a good fic and there’s a microwaved fish :D

Lemonade by carriecmoney (T) 4.1k // okay once again, responsible drinking and don’t drink underage bad idea smh. But MatsuHana just making out where they want? I could see that. Yeah. Anyway, as much as public make out seshes make me *gag* feel embarrassed, what made me feel more *gag* embarrassed was the fact that the girls? just? stood? there? Like why are you watching this. Is that just me? I feel like they should’ve left smh.

surprise, surprise by airblends (T) 7.6k // some more pining and dancing around the issue whoooo. As much as I hate them not getting to the point (almost as much as I hate misunderstandings), it was a great fic. This is nosebleed c*ck block (idk if I needed to censor that but I did fight me).

A God for Every Season by timkons (T) 18.4k // I love the Hades and Persephone trope! Okay, I just love mythology leave me be, but anyway I really love a lot of this fic. Like how Mattsun thinks it’s a little brighter with Makki? CUTE I LOVE. But also, the fish funeral is ridiculous but also very on brand for Oikawa. And some BokuKuroo (idk is that their ship) in here as well :DDD

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City by AngryKitten (T) 4.4k // literally it is the title. Just you know, looking for the best place to cry in the city,,,, I’d like to say, don’t cat call people cause we’re not about that here. Even if it worked out for them, just don’t do it :/ Also don’t follow strangers. I feel like that’s a given but jic ya know?

this isn't exactly how i thought i'd be spending my adult years by jadedpearl (NR) 7.5k // okay petty Makki is yes and so is my Makki + IwaOi agenda LOL. (I’m thriving here can’t you tell? Yes regular skype/phone calls constantly) Anyway, blackouts and sickness really be here getting people together. (I’m asking nicely, nike.) And Makki is smooth with his words. (SHORTER MEN MADE ME LAUGH)

chocolate by tellalie (T) 3.6k // the dedication in this fic was amazing. Like making a whole a cake? Someone go do that for me. (For mankind.) Fake dating is really something else, but fake dating to out gag your best friends? Seems like I need to step up my game (but no seriously, my best friends are PDA monsters I hate it here). Also practice confessions are wack.

FINALLY I MADE IT. You don’t know how many times I almost gave up on finishing LMFAO. Is this my longest list? Idk. But I just know that I would’ve finished faster if I didn’t end up rereading almost every fic on this list LMFAO. Like no seriously I almost had to make a post saying this wouldn’t be coming out cause I got distracted by one of the longer fics (I’m blaming Mirror Flower, Water Moon specifically). But I hope you enjoyed this, and once again go thank that anon for spurring me into finishing this list LMFAO (am I a horse? Yea, probably but if one thing, I’m not sturdy).

[dreamylyfe-x]

11x04: NIMBY Reactions

Oh my God, that’s the good stuff right there. I’ve been hanging on for the middle of the season, where I have felt pretty certain the tone -- with Gallavich particularly -- might shift and I was NOT disappointed. 

So first thing’s first: though Mickey had barely anything to do with the A Plot (Milkoviches Next Door) I still thought this episode was the best  Mickey-being-Mickey-as-I-know-and-love-him  episode we’ve had yet. (Though fair warning, I thought 11x03 had some quality classic Mickey in it -- just mostly the scenes without Ian.) 

Before we get started on Mickey, though, this is the second episode in a row where I’ve enjoyed the Frank plot? Granted, it was LARGELY Liam that I enjoyed, but I was still watching the Frank plot and that is a major shift from season 10, where I barely bothered. 

But yeah. Ok. Mickey. This episode was such a great Mickey episode from start to finish. One of the things I love about Shameless is the whole thing where normal for kids living in desperate conditions, while very different from most people’s normal, is still normal for THEM. And I really enjoyed Mickey watching the Milkoviches move in while giving the Gallaghers key intel on exactly what they were seeing. And kinda understanding how messed up some of it was in real time. That’s a real experience people have -- being mid-story and suddenly thinking “Yeah. This is way more fucked up than I realized.”  

I also enjoyed the several moments in the episode where Mickey overtly acknowledged that his family is insane, he just doesn’t like the Gallaghers looking down on him. Which: valid. 

Speaking of -- finally we find out the state of the Mickey-Terry relationship. Which is: there isn’t one. Another thing I loved is that Mickey shares the desire to see his family move on, but he’s not going to bother engaging with it. He’s going to work on getting him and Ian out of there, and pay hardly any attention to his family. Love that for him. 

I also love love LOVE that, now that he has a bead on something to do for money that doesn’t fill him with dread, Mickey is taking the same attitude he had when Ian was working and he wasn’t -- which is that he’s going to take care of things. As someone who was baffled at Mickey’s inaction and willingness to let Ian do all the work in the first few episodes, I really loved this. Because it’s consistent and it indicates that his world view just kinda like... Someone has to be taking care of the money part, and that might shift back and forth between him and Ian, but the result of the effort is going to be shared between them. I understand where Ian was coming from -- especially when Mickey kept returning to criminal enterprise -- but it’s nice to see a little more of how Mickey views things. 

Also, I know this is very well observed, so I’m retreading well-worn ground, but the scene with the cereal. Gah. I love it. Ian regressing -- I know they gave us the shot of the bottle of Jamison, but I felt like they were getting their point across with the cereal and the cartoons. And Ian not answering or responding to Mickey right away was extremely evocative of Ian’s history of depressive episodes. I loved how forthright Ian was about how awful the prospect of finding another job was, because it’s covertly agreeing with everything Mickey was saying in the first few episodes, too. 

There are so many little things I like about this scene. Mickey coming down the front stairs instead of the back, like he intuitively knows where Ian is at. Ian watching Harley Quinn cartoons, as both an in-joke AND as a believable cartoon choice. Mickey picking up the bottle, checking it’s weight and then just... moving it a little to the side. Mickey putting himself between Ian the TV. Mickey already having a plan for Ian. Just so much good stuff in there. 

Also, let’s talk about Ian for a minute here. One reason I hesitate to call anything OOC with these two is that the book generally isn’t closed. I really didn’t get the “I’m on my honeymoon” stuff, but after this episode, it folds in a lot better with what is going on with these two. Another thing that folds in better is Ian’s mounting frustration -- which is VERY Ian. He starts out with this forced buoyancy -- we’re going to get out own place, you are going to get a legal job so you can stay out of prison, I am going to make this warehouse gig work, and even though I’m frustrated and losing patience, I’m still trying to talk things out, and touching your hand and trying to ground everything in the fact that we’re together and we love each other -- and then we see that get chipped away at. Ian’s paycheque reveals that he’s being scammed out of a living wage. Mickey takes the road less travelled and immediately brings in more money that he’s every going to be able to get through the jobs he can currently get as a parolee. Mickey isn’t gracious about this, and the tension ramps up and that four episodes later he’s just walking around with a well-established and throughly justified black cloud over his head. 

The Milkovich’s really arrive like they’ve bought a White Trash in a Bag collection from Target. They seem to even have brought mattresses expressly for the front yard. 

OMG, Mickey got a scene with Sandy (and Debbie). But honestly, my favourite beat is the look Franny gives Mickey after he says kids are idiots. I also love how Sandy joins Mickey in just not seeing a point in waging battle against their family.

Lip, this is a little thing, but you aren’t supposed to eat breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner. Brunch ideally REDUCES the number of meals you eat. But the key brunch move is to order something you can’t/wouldn’t make at home. Do not pay $14 for eggs and toast. 

So. Ok. I have seen some people very annoyed that Ian is so focused on Mickey not going back to prison, but I can’t see what is wrong with this. He just flat out isn't wrong to worry about it. It would be devastating if that happened. Mickey and Ian are extremely fortunate that he’s out at all. It’s a truly bizarre turn of events and I do not fault Ian for having a lot of concern about anything happening to jeopardize Mickey’s freedom. I also think this is confirmation that Ian just flat out doesn’t want to be without Mickey. I think he’s depressed -- and therefore extremely pessimistic -- in this episode, but there is far more indication that Ian wants Mickey around than that he doesn’t, so of course he’d be extremely focused on this concern. Also Cam puts some tremor onto “get sent back to prison” that really grabs my heart and squeezes. 

Cam in the towel is just good news. Mickey’s adorable with the gun. This scene is cute. 

This is the episode where I gave up on side-eying the Gemma-is-Superior running joke and just accepted it as kinda funny. Something about third-party confirmation. I dunno.

I enjoy the fact that Debbie apparently doesn’t know Sandy lives with them? Also, that feels like an Ian move. Gets boyfriend, moves in with boyfriend. 

The fact that Mickey is low-key playing Ian to get him to join him in this MUCH more promising venture is my absolute favourite. Bless the director for that foreground Mickey shot. Bless Noel for that nuanced facial expression. Bless everyone involved in that moment. It is one of my favourite things ever. 

I love that Ian’s whole reason for these outfits is so that Mickey will LOOK dangerous and not have to defend himself, thus staying out of trouble. That’s deeply, deeply sweet. 

Another sign that something is even more wrong with Frank than usual when he fully forgets the entire trip to visit the Brotherhood. 

I didn’t love V vs. Debbie but I really did enjoy Kev aligns with Frank, and also has a scene with Mickey. And that they weren’t silo’ed off on their own. 

So the eventual reveal we get that the old lady loves having rough sex with Terry was not a surprise to me because a) Shameless, but b) because of Christian’s face. Christian’s facial expressions are among my favourite on the show right now. 

I love this gif set by @sickness-health-all-that-shit.  What can I say except “look! Ian is smiling!” 

Mickey should be a better liar, but you know. He isn’t. 

I do like that, in this moment, the things they both bring to the enterprise come together to create a new possibility. This is pretty much exactly what I HOPED was going to happen and I love to see it. 

I think I’m going to ignore the Tami storyline because it was gross (not bad, but ... gross.) Also @fiona-fififi already wrote something that is much more comprehensive... I get the frustration, but just no part of me thinks Ian would allow himself to go where Tami did in examining what happened to her. Not at this point in his life. Which is sad, but very much in line with how Ian handles himself. 

Um. Yeah. Carl. Glad you’re not fully participating, Carl. But this is untenable. 

Overall, I am all the way in on this storyline for Ian and Mickey -- and pretty into the idea of V getting involved with politics. I think we’re getting all the seeds of where this show is going to leave the characters. And I haven’t loved every moment, but I do feel like the overall show is working for me better than last season. 

That might be faint praise. But I really liked this one. Best yet. 

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1 s7ep17&18: Heroes pt1 and pt2

 Watched 23/06/2020

Well here we go friends. I’m torturing myself for the sake of making y’all laugh and also because I have a LOT of feelings about this two parter and NONE of them are good. I can’t be the only one so lets see who else agrees with me! 

This is about to get long and very swear word heavy so avert your eyes if you aren’t into that <3 Just letting you know I use some VERY strong language this post. I’m Australian so the word isn’t uncommon for us to use and we use it as a term of endearment in some parts too but I just wanted y’all to know. 

This turned into the biggest one I’ve ever done too with 362 dot points... read if you dare

Well here we go

I’m probably gonna cry a lot

I love Saul Rubinek. 

I adore him in Warehouse 13

Artie Neilson is like the dad I didn’t have

but fuck me if I don’t hate Emmet

This WHOLE two parter is pointless and just serves to kill of a character that didn’t need to die 

Anyway getting into that a little early on

Fuck the defence department. 

You haven’t spoken to Space Dad of Texas

The most unorthodox

JFC this ass hole

I’m calling him AssHole for the rest of the episodes

Of course they don’t want them here, he’s a dick 

Hammond’s little smile

This whole episode feels sombre and sad

and we’re three minutes into the two parter

this whole thing is about to fall to shit

credits

i’m not even excited for the credits

because I’m hurting

last time I watched this I’d started crying the second it started so I’m doing much better this time 

I love watching them go up the ramp  to the gate

its nice

end credits

NO ONE ASKED YOU SAUL

that was a bomb

but NO ONE ASKED YOU 

And Teryl Rothery as Dr. Janet Fraiser

FUCK OFF

He doesn’t have time

He’s busy

Lol coughed on his hand and went to shake Saul’s hand

dead

memos... as if Jack’s ever read one of those

Sam is so awkward

I love her so much

It is nothing short of extraodinary 

she is nothing short of extraordinary and we know this

but again

NOT ONE ASKED YOU ASSHOLE

and grand empress of scifi

grand empress of my heart 

goof ball

the list goes on

god she’s so awkward’

but so adorable 

Thats fine

please annoy Daniel 

What was it like to be dead ffs

TRANSCENDED? DID YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION???

What else is he supposed to say?! He DIED he doesn’t REMEMBER ANYTHING

Daniel’s right

Its fascinating 

LOL DANIEL YOU STUPID IDIOT THATS HILARIOUS

I love Daniel when he’s pissing off people i hate

Bill <3 

Personal microwave oven... nice

And its only taken you 7 years

so glad you did though

Odd that he was on fire

but we never see that happen any other times

“He does this all the time” poor Siler

Sam looks so happy when talking technobable and about her doohickeys. 

I adore her

And honestly all that shits fascinating 

still 32 minutes left... 

honestly if it weren’t for me talking about Janets death, I’d never watch these again. 

They are genuinely some of the worst episodes of SG1

I said what I said

“Sure. Its really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything”

She’s gonna kill someone

WALTER

Thats right

FUCK OFF SAUL

DOESN’T MEAN THERE WASN’T ANY GOA’ULD HERE RECENTLY

I love that they take odds

but this scene is only here to set up the character that is the reason Janet dies

because Janet shouldn’t have been off base

but we’re not going to talk about that are we? 

The episode would have played out the same if this man had died

Anyone can die in war

Doesn’t matter if they’re a parent etc

but nah

we gotta - 

sorry I’ll stop

SHE’S SO HOT 

JACK YOU IDIOT

As if he read the memo

THERE SHOULD BE A CAKE

Obviously he can’t tell you much because he was DEAD

OMG TEAL’C

HE’S NOT SAYING A WORD

BECAUSE HE FUCKING HATES THIS GUY MORE THAN I DO

SAUL SHUT UP

LITERALLY NO ONE CARES 

GO HOME

“Dr Jackson is going to die when he sees this”

“What again?”

my dude you have NO idea

This is what happens when you go poking around

you get ambushed

because it was all a fucking set up

no explination of WHO set them up tho... it was just a set up

what

a

joke

wooooooow

they took it out with a WALL

NOT THIS FUCKING ARSE HOLE

KINSEY JUST PISS OFF 

WE DON’T LIKE YOU

WE DON’T WANT YOU

GO SUCK A ROTTEN TOMATO

EVEN SAUL IS BORED OF YOU

AND HE’S THE MOST BORING MAN I’VE EVER MET

leave Jack alone

YES JACK

Its not slander if its TRUE YOU WANKER

NO YOU HAVE NOT

PAST AND PRESENT YOU ASS

JFC

Who cares what the president wants

I am 90% sure Jack just called Kinsey a limp dick and I’ve never been prouder? 

“deep and unyielding love for you, sir” SHUT UP JACK YOU GOOSE 

Well Mr Bregman can such a toe

Fancy arguing with Space Dad from Texas

OH FUCK OFF SAUL

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

NO ONE CARES

HAMMOND IS RIGHT

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU’RE THERE

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET HURT

YOU HAVE NO RIGT TO BE THERE

Sam joking around with Teal’c is so sweet

I love them and their friendship so much

Gah!

OF COURSE THERE IS A CHANCE THINGS WILL GO WRONG YOU NARCACISTIC FUCK

ITS LIKE TO GO MORE WRONG WITH YOU THERE

I’M SORRY I’M YELLING SO MUCH I JUST HATE HIM WITH MY ENTIRE BODY.

Well is he wrong? 

Because you’re an absolute arse, thats why it doesn’t matter

Shots of your ass serve us all well O’Neill

“How do you feel about Colonel O’Neill”

She wishes to kiss him, sir. 

And potentially much more but we shall no discuss that here

He is amazing

Time outside of work... what are you insinuating

Good cover

Like family

First and foremost her superior officer

Secondly your LOVER

because I pretend Pete doesn’t exist right now

OH THIS SCENE

Actually that was pretty cute Daniel

And you’re right it is fascinating

At some action? 

So you can be a dick and use peoples death as entertainment? 

Fuck me 

His job is the inscriptions

seriously fuck this guy

I love how Sam’s face goes from he’s right its boring to aww Daniel, he didn’t :O

I love their friendship

But it nearly could have cause people like oh, I don’t know, YOUR BOYFRIEND, SAMANTHA, stalk people

shouldn’t have stayed as long as you did

if y’all hadn’t stayed

this wouldn’t have happened

Janet my love 

I’m crying

wow Jack has been hurt a fuck tonne

he didn’t give permission

Saul is an ass

I’m literally fighting tears right now

I fucking love her so much 

You never know what to expect but you do such a good job sweetie 

I’m so proud of you

The more she talks the more proud of her I am

and the more of a loss it truly is that she goes

because she’s fucking incredible and she has so much heart 

her little laugh fucking STOP

My heart is literally breaking 

AND DR FRAISER

STOP

THEY WOULDN’T HAVE JUST WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH LIKE THAT ON ANY OLD DAY

WHY NOW

WHO WROTE THIS FUCKING SHIT

FUCK OFF SAUL

THIS IS RIDICULOUS

HER GIGGLE STOP I LOVE HER 

SHE DESERVED MORE

DO NOT GO

JANET NO STAY

BABY

and we end there to go to part two

this episode felt weird

it feels like is a drama inside a drama does that make sense? 

It kinda feels like 200

like it feels fake and like its about to cut to a shot of them sitting around a table, flabergasted and with their heads in their hands

So Robert C. Cooper wrote it

I just wanna talk buddy... just wanna talk

THEY AIRED THIS FUCKER THE DAY BEFORE VALENTIES DAY?!?! WTF SYFY?!

Alright starting episode 2

SAUL FUCK OFF YOU CAN’T BE THERE

JANET BABY DON’T GOOOOOOO

I AM CRYING

I have my pillow pet who is named Janet

She was a gag gift about 7 years ago and I was watching SG1 at the time

but also she just looked like a Janet

She’s become a staple in my life and I love her 

Anyway she always gets me through these episodes

credits

still not into it right now

should have skipped them this episode tbh

end credits

Ordered chocolate cake

it arrived

i’m happy with this choice

I don’t give a fuck about them deciding what happens in the fucking video

Good answer Daniel

I could also watch Major Carter’s head talk all day

They didn’t stand a fucking chance out there

They ran into that situation totally unprepared

which they would never have done normally

this whole two parter is fucking bull shit

and then they pit Jack and Janet against each other... like who are we gonna be more upset to lose in this moment

Fuck Jack

baby noooo

I can’t take this episode ffs

Lol Walter being cute

Get out of there

You cunt

get that fucking camera off 

fuck this guy

no Sam

fuck off 

leave her alone

punch him in the face

oh Sam honey I’m so sorry

she lost her best friend

FUCK OF SAUL

JESUS 

HER BEST FRIEND JUST DIED 

SHE’S IN PAIN

YOU DO NOT GET TO DICTATE WHETHER PEOPLE GET FILMED WHEN SHE’S CLEARLY IN PAIN

I’LL TURN YOU OFF YOU FUCKING ARSE HOLE FUCK YOU

don’t sit there all upset like your day has been ruined

And now we have them making us think Jack died so that we worry about him the entire episode instead of Janet

because who cares about her right?

FUCKING WOOLSEY

I literally just screamed

i hate him

this episode can’t get any FUCKING WORSE

I also question the decision. 

No offence Space Dad of Texas

but it doens’t make sense that you chose to do what you did

I’m sorry but it doesn’t 

FUCK OOOOOOFFFF WOOOSLEY

Hammond visiting Carter <3 

Ah Barrett

So Woolsey is a corrupt piece of shit

Whoda thunk it

I’m crying again

Poor Hammond

Poor Sam

Talking at the memorial man

OH GOOD MORE WOOLSEY

BECAUSE THIS EPISODE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH...

Fuck him

And the truth is that you’re a dick, moving on

Daniel has a point... and I hate saying that but he has a point

I love Sam

Daniel doesn’t give a fuck

Go Daniel I’m proud of you

OH NOT SAUL AND THE F U C K I N G CAMERA

NO PISS OFF

This is cruel

to make us see her death

to show us her literal dead body was too fucking much

I’m sorry but this would have been just as powerful if Simons had died

Hes a good kid

but this would have had the same impact

I’m sick of this man

I’m sick of this shit

OH MY GOD GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Which is why you bastards should not have been in the fucking field

It was of a man dying

end of

Yeah but what they do every single day doesn’t mean show us JANETS DEATH

Sharing it with the world won’t make him feel any better about one of his best friends getting show you mole

Good, Woolsey again

suck my dick

So this guy put money values on peoples heads

and he got command of Atlantis? 

Yeah fuck him I’m not watching s5 of Atlantis

to be fair $27 million is a lot of money

but its still peopls lives

fuck off you smarmy git

I would love to see him tossed out on his arse

He can do that

fuck off you don’t get to say in whether or not you’re there or have a right to be there

you’re invading on peoples privacy

you’re an ass

The Tape

Fuck the N.I.D

I actually feel really bad for Daniel

fuck you Bregman

so excited to see people’s deaths

I had to pause for a moment

because I just saw Janet die

and its cruel

We didn’t have to see her death

knowing it happened was bad enough 

physically seeing her dead is like salt in the wound

Janet deserved so much more than this

hope you’re happy bregman

sam visiting Jack

hurts because i love the cute moment

but it hurts

because we shuoldn’t have had to lose janet for this

Cassie... my heart is broken

the way he looks at her when she starts crying and the hug  like he has been there with her so many times 

its all so sweet 

and they’re so in love but they can’t have each other

its rude 

Poor Simon... 

Poor Sam

watching her cry is so hard

and Teal’c 

guys i’m not sure i can finsih this

ok sorry I’m back

Gotta pick up Cassie

Cassie 100% lived with Sam right? 

Oh Teal’c... i love you so, so much you sweet angel

and the little hug.. their friendship is beautiful

I’m so sick of Bregman at this point

and them being in the room where Daniel died, where Jack chose to get his symbiote, where they saved Cassie and Sam and countless others, where they helped Teal’c

Janet was so strong, so wise

oh Daniel... I’m sorry 

It does but others don’t need to see it Daniel

Oh fuck I’ll be back after the memorial

its such a beautiful memorial

and Im glad they chose Sam to talk 

I’m gonna say some more in my final notes

its hard right now with the tears

I still think you’re an absolute arse, Saul

This was kinda sweet actually

oh they named the baby Janet

i’m never gonna stop crying 

Oh Jack

he’s so unimpressed

what a stupid way to end it

sorry but that was shit

Final thoughts

i genuinely hate these episodes. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever watch them again. Even with another watch through.. they’re not as well written or directed as other episodes, they’re unbelievable in the cannon of the show and breaks their own rules, not to mention the sheer heartbreak

Bregman is one of the most unlikeable characters in the show. If Simmons had of been alive he could have been in the episode too just to add to the trifecta of cunts!

Cassie should have been at the memorial

they make you think Jack is dead so we won’t worry about janet to what? make it more of a shock? because it doesn’t work. It should never have been designed to make us feel relief at Janet’s death because it wasn’t Jack! It doesn’t do her justice. 

Janet Fraiser was a smart woman with a massive heart. She was brave and strong and she cared for everyone even when they were arseholes. She had a bit of fun with SG1 sometimes too. She was an incredible Dr, mother and friend.  Janet was tiny but tough. Something that i aim for. I’m 5ft2 so basically the same as Janet and believe it or not i’ve had people question my ability to be a good teacher because noone will take me seriously. Janet always made me feel like people would take me seriously and that even though I’m small, I can do big things. She encouraged me to be a good person with a heart of gold. Her death hits really hard for that reason. but also because she was an incredible character who deserved more than what she was given. Hardly any screen time and then murdered to make some sort of point that didn’t need making??? Not to mention she’s mentioned twice in the next three seasons and when she “comes back” in Ripple Effect she spends almost no time with Sam which makes exactly 0 sense. 

Someone recently said they heard she was killed because the writers didn’t know how much more time they had and wanted to wrap some stuff up? Lets not forget that they made the end of this season a huge cliff hanger... but I’m still not sure what we could wrap up with her death? She had a fucking child!

Any way I won’t be watching this again. I’m sorry this isn’t much fun but hopefully you’ve got a giggle out of me swearing at the idiots 

I love you all for reading this and supporting me posts, they’re usually pretty fun to make honestly!

[anistarrose]

The Liching Hour (TAZ Balance AU)

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/22963831

Summary: Taako is a lich, but he doesn’t die alongside Barry when his memories start to fade. In fact, he doesn’t die for another whole decade… until he arrives in Refuge, and first hears the clock strike noon.

Characters: Taako, Lup, Barry Bluejeans, Kravitz, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch

Relationships: Lup & Taako, Kravitz/Taako, Barry Bluejeans/Lup

Additional tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Major Character Undeath, Angst with a Happy Ending, relationships listed in order of focus

“Taako is a lich too” is definitely an AU that’s been done before, but I couldn’t resist giving it my own unique twist! I actually started writing this fic exactly eleven months ago, when I was still fairly new to TAZ, but I forgot all about it until a few weeks ago when I came back to dust it off and finish the last few scenes.

(if you want an accompanying soundtrack for this fic, then I strongly recommend Lifetime Achievement Award by Lemon Demon! the song has big lich energy)

***

The set of planar systems traversed by our IPRE was indescribably vast, but far from the only one of its kind. Over eons, countless other universes are forged and then left to their own devices by elusory, non-interventionist creators — and in more than one of those universes, a ship called the Starblaster takes flight, propelled between planar systems by the strength of the bonds between its crew. In more than one of those universes, members of the IPRE put enough faith in those bonds to undertake a great risk — fusing their life forces with their magic and becoming liches, constructing a failsafe to protect their family from the Hunger that pursues them.

In one of those universes, Taako joins Lup and Barry in taking that risk. The ceremony goes as smoothly as the transformation into a lich can go, and the three of are all able to hold themselves together, thanks to their love for each other and their crewmates...

But when Lucretia feeds her records of their journey to the Voidfish, when Lup is already trapped in the Umbra Staff and Barry cleverly cheats amnesia by falling to his death off the deck of the Starblaster, Taako stays in his living form. Being undead isn’t the first thing he forgets — no, it’s Lup that he loses first, for Taako’s bonds with his twin are more carefully documented in Lucretia’s journals than anything else he’s done or cared about over the century — but the second that awareness of lichdom vanishes from his mind, the second he forgets the safety net he has in place in case of death, a self-preservation instinct kicks in again after nearly two decades of lying dormant. No need to go charging into uncharted and potentially deadly territory — Taako’s good out here.

For over a decade, he avoids death, and he never remembers what happens to him when he dies. Sometimes animals will shy away from him for no apparent reason, and maybe that faint burning sensation that fills his chest whenever Merle channels Pan to cast a healing spell on him is a little weird — but there’s no dogs on the moon and Merle hardly ever casts healing spells in the first place, so Taako just... tries to forget about it when he can, and convince himself it’s normal when he can’t.

He has a vague suspicion that he hasn’t been like this forever, but he can’t remember a clear date of onset for these symptoms, so he just brushes them off and keeps them to himself. It’s no one’s else’s business, anyways.

Or so he thinks, until he meets the Grim Reaper one fateful Candlenights.

***

There are two presents left under the shrub, both in similar silver-wrapped boxes — but one is addressed to all three Reclaimers, and the other is specifically labeled for Taako. Neither indicates the name of the sender.

Magnus and Merle don’t even attempt to hide the jealousy in their stares as they watch Taako pick up his gift, but something compels them to all stay silent and open the boxes as subtly as possibly while the Director makes conversation with Johann on the other side of the room. There’s nothing inherently suspicious about them other than the lack of a “from” name, though the handwriting on the tags is extremely familiar, but Taako still positions his arm to shield the box from the view of the others before he opens it and sees the contents…

The interior is plush purple velvet, cushioning two items: a coin and a note. The coin is golden and about as big as the circle made by Taako’s index finger and thumb when curled to meet at the tip, and it’s engraved with runes he doesn’t recognize — but he can read the accompanying note, though he has no idea what to make of what it says.

Keep this to yourself. If you ever encounter a situation in which you need it, you’ll know what to do with it when the time comes.

A quick use of Detect Magic reveals that the box and note are completely mundane, but the coin is enchanted. Nothing feels inherently volatile or dangerous about the complex divination spell it’s imbued with, but it still gives Taako a sinking feeling, like it’s something he should be forbidden from possessing.

So he casually slips the coin into his pocket and pops the note into his mouth, chewing and swallowing as he peers over Merle’s shoulder to examine the other gift — an identical box, this one holding three circular blue patches with twelve smaller circles embroidered around the circumference and an unreadable acronym word lying in the center. There’s another accompanying note here too, this one simply reading: “For your eyes only.”

Then, three different noises happen in very quick succession: Magnus turns to Taako and whispers “What was in yours?” and a second later, the Director echoes “What is that? What did you guys get?”

But before any of the boys can blurt out some lie despite not knowing why they feel so compelled to hide the gifts, the Director’s necklace unexpectedly interrupts the conversation, glowing faintly as a staticy, panicked voice yells “Lucretia!” The Director instantly whirls away from the boys, angrily whispering into her pendant which replies with words that are hard to make out from a distance.

Almost on reflex, Taako slips one of the patches into the same pocket as the coin and disposes of the second note with the same method he’d used for the first, cleansing his palate with an elderflower macaron immediately afterwards. He doesn’t think about the patches or the coin for a long time after that — but then again, he ends up getting distracted by a lot over the course of the next few hours. With the impeding crystal apocalypse, and the floating lab, and the death crimes and all.

***

“Well, that’s weird,” Noelle says. Her satellite dish is blinking green as it rotates, scanning the perimeter of the Cosmoscope two, three, four times. “At first, I thought it musta just been interference, but… one of you guys isn’t a lich, are you?”

“A what?” Magnus asks.

“A lich. The signal was real faint at first, but it just got stronger, and now it’s fluctuating a whole lot…”

“Nope, not me!” Magnus declares, with surprising confidence considering that he doesn’t appear to have any understanding of what being a lich means.

“Well, not that I’m aware of,” Taako answers slowly. “But I think even ya boy here would know if he was a lich. Right?”

“I’m friends with a few liches!” Merle adds. “They’re fun at parties.”

Noelle sighs at Merle’s comment, and then continues: “Yeah, Taako, I guess you’d hafta know if you were one. Guess my scanner’s just on the fritz.”

***

“Now Taako, Taako, Taako,” Kravitz mutters from within the sapphire mirror, and the pure exasperation on his face is almost adorable. “Care to take a guess what your bounty is for? I would really hope that you, at least, would know.”

Taako has a feeling he’s been saved for last because his crimes are the worst, but he’s got no clue why — there’s no way he’s died more than fifty-seven times, right?

“I dunno, is it about that tentacle thing? 'Cause don’t worry, my dude, this is a safe and non-judgmental environment where you don’t need to be afraid of being yourself —”

Kravitz's eyebrows raise and he looks aghast for a moment, but recovers quickly. “Taako, you've died twelve times — but alone, that makes you practically a law abiding citizen, compared to the company you keep! I never thought I’d see the day that I’d thought Magnus, with his 19 deaths, would be the least of the evils present, but — but —”

He sputters. “But you three all seem determined to make your crimes as unprecedented as possible —”

“Unprecedented, that’s me!” Taako laughs, and tries to ignore the half static-drowned screams of all his instincts, telling him to run as far away from Kravitz or any portal to the Astral Plane as he can get. “But uh, what is the deal with my bounty if —”

“Playing dumb about dying is one thing,” Kravitz growls, “but you’re really playing dumb about being a lich?”

“But I am dumb,” Taako blurts out, before the accusation really sinks in. “I’m just a humble idiot wizard!”

Kravitz bursts into bitter laughter. “An idiot necromancer, more like. Do you really —”

“There’s no way,” Magnus cuts in. “If Taako was a lich, we would have to know!”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that you would, given how long the three of you have been cheating death together!” Kravitz replies.

“Okay, first of all — how do you know we’ve actually been cheating death for that long?” interrupts Merle. “We could’ve just died all those times in the span of, I don’t know, a month or two! We’re really incompetent.”

Magnus and Taako nod in enthusiastic agreement as Kravitz sighs.

“And second of all?”

“Uh... I forgot what I was going to say second.”

“Of course you did! What won’t you three conveniently forget — GAH!”

A giant skeletal hand reaches out of the Eternal Stockade and grabs Kravitz by the robe, dragging him inside the Eternal Stockade. It slams the door of the prison with a force that Taako winces at, all the way on the other side of the sapphire mirror.

“Did we solve the lich puzzle?” Merle asks. “Are we free to go?”

“Gonna be honest — just personally, I’m not too worried about the lich puzzle!” Taako shouts back, as a high-pitched hum emanates from the crystals around them and the room begins to shake. “Mostly just thinking about how much I don’t want to remember what dying feels like!”

“You know, that’s fair,” Merle agrees as he watches a complete skeleton materialize behind the hand, wading through the Astral Sea and towards the mirror. “That’s pretty fair.”

***

“Look, you saved my bacon back there,” Kravitz tells them after Legion is defeated. “Not just my career, but the world too. Things would have gotten very, very nasty, in a way that I wouldn’t have exactly wanted to put on my résumé…”

He sighs. “And Merle, Magnus… I would be willing to let you off with a warning, because you’ve technically never escaped the Astral Plane, and that leaves a convenient little loophole in the law for you two to slip through. Even Lucas — he’s learned his lesson with necromancy, it looks like. But Maureen, Noelle, and especially you, Taako — you’re all going to have to come with me. I can’t make exceptions for those of you who have succeeded in a jailbreak — nor can I do so for a lich.”

This time, he doesn’t spit the word lich with any of the disgust or outrage that were in his voice before, but rather speaks slowly and solemnly — and if Taako didn’t know better, he might think Kravitz actually felt bad about having to lock him up.

“Look, Ghost Rider.” Taako’s heart is racing just a little bit faster than he’s comfortable with, and the worst part is he doesn’t know why. It’s tempting to blame it on the slight crush may or may not be developing, but his crushes — although few and far-between — definitely never send his pulse up this fast this early in the relationship.

“You seem like an okay fellow who’s just trying to do your job, so I’ll be honest with you — I can’t remember ever touching necromancy with a ten-foot pole. Look, I used to make my living as a chef, and when you’re cooking the last thing you want is your meal coming back to life in front of you. I’ve got no motive!”

“Does your book with the bounties say anything else about the charges against him?” Magnus asks. “The charges against any of us, actually?”

“Not a single thing, I’m afraid. The bar’s not very high, but you are some of the… less unsavory bounties I’ve hunted, which is why I genuinely hate to say this, but —”

“Oh, so it’s savory you like? Let me take you out for an evening at Taako’s Bar and Café, and I’ll cook you up as many savory dishes as you like —”

“The — the bar,” Kravitz stammers, slipping out of his Cockney accent, “is so not high —”

“He just wants to help you broaden your horizons!” Merle chimes in. “You must not get out of the — the, uh, whatever your plane is called very often, do you?”

Kravitz sighs. “It’s the Astral Plane, and — and look, we just… we need to get going, alright? Taako, I… I could give you the benefit of the doubt, I suppose, and let you stay here until you die and return to your lich form, but I still need those two souls in the robots to come with me —”

“Wait!” Magnus interrupts. “Gambling with death is a trope for a reason, right? Can we play cards for their souls?”

Kravitz shrugs. “You know what? Sure! This day can’t get any wilder!”

***

Boyland’s rites of remembrance aren’t until tomorrow, but Taako is down in the Voidfish’s chambers ahead of time, Umbra Staff clutched tight as he stares at the twinkling galaxy pattern within the jellyfish’s bell.

“Uh… do you need something?” Johann asks after Taako’s stands there silently for about a minute.

Taako twirls his umbrella and shifts it from hand to hand, half expecting it to fire on its own again like it had when talking to Angus, but it stays dormant.

“Can your jellyfish pal, like… I dunno, choose what it innoculates you for?”

“Uh… no? At least, I think we woulda noticed if it could… why are you asking?”

“I was bored.” Taako turns to leave, but before he can get back in the elevator, he hears the Voidfish sing a short tune — not quite as loud as when Magnus had touched its tank, but definitely the same three notes.

***

Taako dies a few times in Refuge before he notices anything weird about it — well, not that dying and being revived continuously isn’t weird albeit familiar, but at first he’s just immediately whisked off to the white space alongside Merle and Magnus. No special treatment for him — until the first time that they die before the hour ends, and everything starts unraveling.

Magnus leans away from locker as he opens it, but it proves to be a futile precaution as the sound of an explosion blows out their eardrums and shockwaves tear through the room, sending the floor beneath their feet blasting towards the ceiling at the same time that massive boulders rain down from above, crushing the cave’s occupants before there’s even a chance process what happened.

As the dust settles and the roar of the explosives and falling rocks dies out, Taako blinks — except it feels strange, like it’s not his physical eyelids moving as much as it is his vision shifting into another spectrum, as if someone had just cast True Seeing on him.

Huh, he thinks. Thought that would’ve killed me.

And then: Of course it killed me. I’m a lich.

(Well, there goes any chance I had with Kravitz —)

I’m a lich like the Red Robe — no, like Barry. And like —

Like Lup.

How could I forget Lup?!

The sensation of incorporeality hits him on a delay and doesn’t stop hitting him, harder and harder until he feels like he’s about to disintegrate. His red-tinged skeletal hand drifts through the air, catching the silver threads that hang lazily like cobwebs in the space all around him as his spectral fingers curl into a fist. He clutches those bonds with every ounce of strength he has but they’re unraveling now, just like his robe, like his magically deformed essence…

He’s ready to disintegrate, to unravel, to crumble into ash just like Lup’s skeleton in Wave Echo Cave, because of course it was her, it was all that was left of her —

I found her but she was gone — everything was gone, except for her robe and —

“Taako?”

Lying just a few feet away from the hem of his robe is Lup’s Umbra Staff, pulverized into a dozen smoldering fragments — and above it floats another red-cloaked figure, eyes blazing red like miniature versions of the explosion that freed her.

“Taako, I’m here!” she assures him, and her echoing voice is a chorus of too many simultaneous emotions to count — it’s worried, and desperate, but joyous and relieved and comforting all at once. “Don’t break down on me now, Taako! It’s okay!”

Something solidifies in Taako, a grounding sensation so powerful he feels almost corporeal again, but words are failing him, motion is failing him. He stays frozen as the bonds he’d clung to wind back into place, stretching from his arms to Lup’s and pulling them together into the closest thing to a hug that liches can achieve, and he feels warm.

“You idiot,” he finally chokes out. “You didn’t think that absorbing magic shit would make a bad combo with being a fucking lich?”

Lup is literally beaming with happiness, emitting beams of light that would blind someone with physical eyes. “You didn’t exactly realize either, you dingus!”

They stay in the embrace for a few more minutes — and Taako may or may not let out an ugly, messy sob or two, complete with tears and snot made of pure magical energy that crackles like lightning when it strikes the rubble below — before he finally feels stable, and Lup quietly asks:

“How much time do we have? Forty minutes? Thirty-five?”

“What?” Her words don’t sink in immediately, but the second they do, Taako immediately feels like the victim of a sick joke. “Oh, shit. The Umbra Staff’s gonna get fixed next loop, and — and I’m not gonna remember you’re in there —”

“It’ll be okay,” Lup assures him. Taako can tell from the tone of her voice that she’s just as frustrated as he is with the irony of the paradox, except trying to redirect that anger into stubborn optimism. It’s a lifesaving skill for liches of their particular breed, that ability to channel destabilizing negative emotions into sustaining positive ones — a skill Taako hasn’t had much practice with, lately.

“There’s got to be some way to cheat the loops — you know, a loophole.” Lup laughs — a rasping, echoing noise that would probably be terrifying to anyone who didn’t know her, but is a massive relief for Taako to hear. “It’s practically in the name. We’ll figure something out — we always do. Let’s just think — and besides, I’m sure Magnus will get you blown up at least another two or three times, so we’ve technically got even more than forty minutes.”

“Right, right, okay. Physical objects are a no-go, Magnus figured that out after his bank robbing stunt —”

“Yeah, I think I caught that. So we’ll have to try something magical —”

“Wait.” A thousand different realizations are slowly coalescing together all at once in Taako’s mind, and he struggles to find words to articulate any of them. “How much could you, like — how much could you see from in there? You helped me out fighting the vine monster, right, and — and ruined Ango’s cookies, so… you musta been pretty aware to do all that —”

Lup looks down at the remains of the Umbra Staff, now reduced to mostly ash.

“I could see and do plenty, if I put enough effort into it,” she explains, “but it wore me out quickly, especially casting spells. After I spelled my name, I was just… clinging to consciousness for the next few weeks. That stunt might not have been the best idea, since I’d figured out by then that you couldn’t remember, but… I had to try.”

“Did you see Barry, in… let’s see, Goldcliff and the Cosmoscope? He, uh… wasn’t doing so great that second time…”

“He’ll be able to hold it together,” Lup declares confidently. “He’s stubborn like that.”

“Do you think he realized… your situation? He was pretty stable until he saw you —”

“He would have done something about it by now if he’d known, though…”

“Yeah, of course, you’re right. But he definitely seemed like he had some kinda plan — wait, I think I got it! Where’s my body?”

“Wait, got what?”

Taako levitates a few boulders out of place, and summons two Mage Hands to rifle through the pockets of his corporeal form. “Our way out of this time paradox shit, courtesy of Barold himself! As long as it didn’t get crushed — ah, here we go!”

One of the Mage Hands procures a familiar golden coin, imbued with a divination spell of Barry’s own engineering that Taako finally recognizes. “Well, I guess I don’t know for sure that Barry sent it to me, but it’s his spell and came alongside some IPRE patches, so I’m gonna say it sure wasn’t from Lucretia.”

“Is that — is that the spell he made when Magnus was worrying about the Temporal Chalice overwriting things without us knowing?”

“Yeah, storing info across timelines is its whole gimmick! He knew we were going to go after the Chalice eventually, and musta realized that I would forget anything I did as a lich if a time loop like this revived me —”

“Gods, I love him!” Lup shouts, laughing and lighting up with joy all over again. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s send Amnesiac Taako a message!”

***

Taako faceplants in the dirt alongside Merle and Magnus, alive again and holding an unbroken Umbra Staff. As always, Roswell stands guard outside the gate, and Taako and Magnus immediately start running through their explanation.

“Great job, Maggie!” Merle mutters under his breath. “Now we’ve gotta go through this whole shebang again.”

“We’ll be able to make a great speedrun video on Fantasy Youtube by the end of it, though!” Taako whispers back, and Roswell tilts their bird head in confusion.

“What? What’s a speedrun?”

Taako opens his mouth to reply, but a slightly muffled yet incredibly familiar voice from within the pocket of his skirt beats him to it.

Yo, Taako! T to the double A-K-O! I’m you from half an hour ago now, so listen up!

“What the fuck?” he blurts out, digging out the coin. “That’s — that’s not me! I never said —”

I know you don’t remember recording this, but there’s something you’ve really gotta do, the coin goes on, still in Taako’s voice, and he drops it to the ground and stares at it in horror. It’ll make sense later — well, maybe a long time later. Eventually, I hope!

“I don’t trust you!” Taako shouts, not sure if he’s expecting the coin to respond or not. “I don’t know who’s behind this, but I know a trick when I hear —”

You need to break the Umbra Staff, Taako, a second speaker explains, and Taako goes stiff at the sound of her voice. And you need to break it again in every new cycle — or every loop, I should say, until you get out of here. Please, Taako, trust us. We’ll explain as soon as we can, I promise.

Magnus kneels on the ground and pokes the coin gingerly, as if expecting it to explode. “Taako, where did you get this? Do you know what triggered it to —”

Taako snaps the Umbra Staff with his bare hands, and a column of fire erupts around him.

As his vision turns into an orange blur, he can just barely hear Merle yelp in shock and Magnus shout in concern over the roar of the flames, but he doesn’t feel afraid — which is itself a deeply unsettling feeling, because he should really be terrified out of his mind — but he just can’t fear this fire no matter how hard he tries. The warmth of the flames that weave so deftly around him is not harsh, but rather, comforting — almost fiercely comforting, in a way Taako wasn’t prepared to be comforted, a way that makes his heart seize up just like the woman’s voice that he couldn’t help but trust.

The blaze consolidates into a spectral figure in red who floats in front of him and nods, face obscured by the cowl of her robe but a smile manifesting clearly in her voice nevertheless.

“Thank you so much, Taako. I knew you’d come through.”

Then Magnus swings Railsplitter through her — harmlessly, of course — and she turns to face him.

“What do you want from this town, Red Robe?” Magnus yells. “Why did you bring Jack and June here?”

“Magnus, calm down! Really, I should be asking you about Jack and —”

She pauses, noticing Magnus’s disoriented expression. “Shit, was that static? You know, that’s probably for the best. Let’s start over: Magnus, Merle, Taako, earth elemental who’s name I missed —”

“I’m Roswell. Could you please identify yourself?”

“Magnus, Merle, Taako, Roswell — but mostly you Tres Horny Bois, or whatever you call yourselves these days — first things first, I’m not the Red Robe you met before. Second and on a related note, yes, I’ve been in Taako’s umbrella this whole time. Yes, it sucked. And third…”

She sighs. “You’re just going to have to take my word on this one, but I literally can’t explain who I am or why I’m on your side. It might seriously damage your minds, but I should be able to tell you my name, which is Lup.”

“Lup, why do I trust you?” The name feels strange in Taako’s mouth — familiar, except it shouldn’t be, except it is, except it couldn’t be, except…

The contradiction just spirals on forever, boring a hole in his mind that aches like hell and makes his stomach churn.

“Taako — oh, Taako, you’re not thinking about it too hard, are you? You can’t think about it too hard — you see why I can’t try and explain anything else. I would if I could…”

Slowly, with help from Lup’s Mage Hand, Taako stands up. He can’t even remember when he fell to his knees, but… he tries not to think too hard about it. Just take things one step at a time.

“Lup can help get us out of here,” he tells Magnus and Merle. “I don’t know why, but I’d trust her with my life even outside of a time loop, so… we’re doing what she says now.”

Magnus shrugged. “You know, I guess we could do a lot worse than putting a competent woman in charge, even if she’s undead. Lup, whatever your plan is, I’m down for it.”

***

By the time the purple worm dives back down beneath the earth with her children, Taako’s just about ready to collapse. Physically, he’s uninjured — he had a lich and an earth elemental watching his back, after all — but mentally, he’s a wreck. The persistent roar of static in the back of his mind has taken its toll, especially since the loop where he died before anyone else, and woke up to find Magnus and Merle giving him the two most confused and concerned looks he’d ever seen on their faces.

So when Avi freezes, glowing red, and everyone’s Stones of Farspeech go dark, Taako barely has the energy to wonder why until another robed figure materializes, holding a finger to his lips —

“DID YOU RETRIEVE THE…”

Every fold of fabric freezes in place, as lightning washes over the Red Robe’s form.

“LUP?!”

“Hey, babe,” Lup whispers, unfazed by the lightning bolts as she floats forward to wrap her arms around the other lich. “Thanks for the coin.”

“But — but how?” the Red Robe stammers. “How are you finally —”

Several curls of hair, made up of ghostly orange fire, escape from under Lup’s hood as she explains, and the Red Robe gently twirls a coil of flames around one of his skeletal fingers. “How are you really here?”

“You’re not gonna believe this,” Lup explains, “but it turns out that magic-absorbing staffs and beings made of pure magic aren’t actually the best combo.”

“Oh my god, we’re idiots,” the Red Robe gasps. “We’re magical undead idiots.”

“Love you too, Barry,” Lup murmurs.“God, I missed you so fucking much.”

“Wait, like Barry Bluejeans?” Magnus asks, at exactly the same time that Taako mutters: “Ugh, get a room.”

Barry whispers something to Lup that Taako doesn’t catch, and then both liches turn around.

“So, slight change of plans,” Lup announces. “It looks like the bubble isn’t quite down yet, but once we get that taken care of… anyone else up for a moonbase infiltration?”

“I’ve got one condition,” Taako immediately announces.

“What’s up?”

“If we run into the Grim Reaper, neither of you crimson lovebirds know me.”

[violent-ham]

The Artemis Fowl Movie

I wrote musings as I watched the movie. Here they are without much context but I’m hating the movie so much that I don’t care to go through and write a comprehensive review. Maybe later.

Also note that it’s been a WHILE since I’ve read the books. So. I’m aware that some of my nitpicking may be off.

Needless to say, spoilers for the movie.

Less than five minutes in. Artemis Fowl II… is surfing.

….maybe that wasn’t Artemis?

 They killed Angeline???

 Psychologist scene was almost spot on. Almost. ….maybe this won’t be as bad as the trailers made it look.

 They had me believing for a moment with his interactions with the psychologist. BUT THE VERY NEXT SCENE. Artemis riding a hover board IN JEANS. Artemis wouldn’t be caught dead in jeans.  The one time he wore them in the books he complained extensively about them.

 Fowl Sr.

 Movie Artemis to have a great relationship with his father who is TEACHING HIM ABOUT FAIRIES.

 Cliched rich absentee father.

 Oh sweet jesus Butler

 SAID BUTLER’S FIRST NAME IN HIS INTRODUCTION.

 So… they’re just gonna completely reinvent Butler. Alright.

 Tantrum over his father’s criminal empire. Book Artemis KNOWS THIS and is actively trying to rebuild his family’s fortune after the disappearance of his father YEARS AGO.

 Is that Koboi.

 Yer a wizard, Arty

 Let Artemis be smart and find out about fairies on his own instead of force-feeding us and him expositional dialogue. Let him be the clever genius he’s supposed to be.

 Really hamfisting the whole “THIS FAMILY IS SO IRISH” thing, aren’t they?

 I can only hear Olaf when Mulch speaks.

 I don’t like that they switched it to Mulch stealing Holly’s wallet from Mulch stealing the badge (?) off another officer and Holly retrieving it. Might just be nitpicky at this point though.

 Briar Cudgeon already in prison??

 Holly… other female LEP… Root… Holly’s whole story arch. Yeah.

 Holly gets a “Missing Father” plot too

 STOP SAYING DOMOVOI.

 NIECE. I can overlook the age down (unless they’re planning to try and romance them in the future. If there is a future). But… NIECE?? Juliet is his SISTER. Not his niece. Why was this a necessary change??

 Short hair… no jade ring…

 Already having the groundwork for The Book and finding fairies laid out for him…

 Explaining shuttles to THE experienced flyboy. Gotta get that exposition in somehow, I guess.

 Holly’s father is a thief too, just like Arty’s! Wonder where they’re gonna go with that… =.=

 Yeah forget keeping the civilization a secret and having underground docking stations for the shuttles, lets just shoot Holly out of a fucking volcano in full view of a major city and fly away unshielded.

 Arty’s gonna sit comfy while Butler, sorry DOMOVOI stakes out the tree to kidnap a fairy instead of wanting to see and make sure in person.

 “Pick on someone your own size!”

 Time freeze capsule.

 Time freeze for the rogue troll in Italy.

 Holly going rogue instead of just to refill her magic…

 Holly and Arty’s dads working together.

 Opal Fucking Koboi.

 Oh good, Arty decided to join DOMOVOI after all.

 Gah, those contacts

  “Not happy!” …my sentiments exactly, Holly.

 In a box, not a cell. Guess they’re not gonna go the route of “Holly breaks the floor of her cell to find dirt to restore her magic and WRECK Artemis’s day.”

 Arty sr. teaching Arty jr. about the dangers of fairies.

 The jeans are back!

 Very, very brief glimpse of Artemis in Arty. This movie needs more of that.

 “There are humans that are afraid of gluten, how do you think they’d handle goblins?” Ok that got me…

 Flannel and jeans. WHERE IS HIS SUIT.

 “I’m going to need the suit.” Oh. There it is.

 Arty firing a fairy gun and actively partaking in the fight.

 …………disabling the time freeze WITH AN ARROW. He’s not even allowed to be clever in escaping the time freeze/blue rinse combo at the end??? Will there even be a blue rinse?

 Also, why did the time freeze act as described in the book for Fowl Manor, but LITERALLY freeze time for the incident with the troll? What are the movie rules?

 Well at least they included the “While I’m alive” stipulation but… they’ve gone so off the rails so far I’m not sure it makes a difference anymore. There’s been no build up, no struggle between the fairies and Arty until he captured Holly five minutes ago. The reveal isn’t going to feel earned if they even go that route.

 Well they kept Mulch jamming his thumbs up a goblin’s nose to fry him in jail. So there’s that.

 Nope. No. Arty should be mesmered and Holly out of there.

 Portals between worlds. What movie are we in again?

 David Bowie is a Fairy.

 The scene between Root and Mulch got a laugh out of me. Small laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. Which is more than this movie deserves.

 Mulch unhinging his jaw was actually horrifying.

 But, they had to go for the comedic “pop out of a painting” instead of coming up through the floor. How did he even get into the wall if he was tunnelling through the ground? Comedy of sensibility, I guess.

 So much for “Dwarves can’t burp”

 Arty should be mesmered. AGAIN.

 Arty unlocking Holly instead of Holly escaping. They’re really pushing this forced bond between them.

 What was that reaction to getting punched! And not even a jab about lollipops from Holly.

 That’s not how allergies work

 “D’arvit.” My sentiments exactly, Commander.

 Mulch having pickpocketed Holly’s gun off of DOMOVOI gave me a chuckle. And the fact that not one of them said “How did you pickpocket that off of DOMMOVOI?” is surprising, but welcome. Seems like they forgot about “show don’t tell” up until this point. And something tells me that after this gag, it will be forgotten again.

 Was there a reason for jamming magic in the house when Holly is the ONLY magic user in there? Unless Cudgeon is actively trying to kill Holly. Which. ….yeah alright maybe. Guess that means Holly isn’t going to almost get pummeled to death by the troll if she can’t heal.

 Holly is consistently a damsel in distress instead of a badass LEP captain.

 How did Holly get the momentum to swing that chandelier thing across the room and through the glass?

 A lot of running, jumping, and dangling precariously off of things. Too many cut jumps, not enough troll fighting. What about medieval suit of armor Butler squaring off with the troll? Did they cut that too??

 Arty losing the gun due to recoil. That should have happened the very first time he fired it if it has recoil. Do neutrinos have recoil?

 Ah, so they blocked the magic as a plot device to make us believe DOMOVOI isn’t going to make it.

 “Buddy.” That shouldn’t be in Arty’s vocabulary. Especially when referring to DOMOVOI. Can’t even work in an “Old Friend.” Nope. Gotta go with “Buddy.”

 Magic unblocked, DOMOVOI saved. Wow, did NOT see that coming……. =.=

 Healing fatal wounds is supposed to be tricky even for trained medics to deal with, much less for a LEP officer to do in two seconds.

 Oh, they’re suggesting that he actually DIED. There was a whole scene about this in the third (?) book and being brought back from the dead had some serious repercussions for Butler. But nah, two seconds and he’s fine. Admittedly he was frozen for some time in the book. But still!

 Sooo… the time freeze exploding did nothing and everyone in the house is fine?

 Why does Holly trust Arty? They’ve really done nothing to earn each other’s trust

 Oh good, they’re friends.

 Forever friends.

 Ok, using the first lines of The Book as a spell… is the ocularis or whatever supposed to be the movie version of The Book?

 Ocularis ex machina, Dad is saved!

 “I’m Artemis fowl. I’m a criminal mastermind.” No, you’re Arty and lucky as fuck that the plot of this movie loves you so much.

 A FEW of the plot points are there. SOME of the scenes are there. It’s like they started to make an actual Artemis Fowl movie, scrapped it, wrote in some unrelated story and mashed the two together. This wasn’t an Artemis Fowl movie. This wasn’t even a GOOD movie if you take away the relation to Artemis Fowl. The acting is phoned in and just plain bad at times, like they just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. The effects are pretty good in places but my god that does not make up for shredded scrap of a story it has. Artemis wasn’t allowed to be clever or in any way villainous, Holly wasn’t allowed to be a badass LEP recon Captain, Mulch… would have been fine if it were an actual Artemis Fowl movie, even if I could only hear Olaf when he spoke. Arty didn’t earn his “Criminal Mastermind” badge in this, not by a long shot. Waited so long for this movie and every apprehension I had after viewing the trailer was warranted. Just awful.

 They didn’t even include the sprite from the trailers in the movie.

[marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches]

What are two things you really hope to see in Avengers Endgame? For me I would love a shot with all the heroes together at some point. The other thing I'd love to see is Gamora getting at least some sort of spotlight moment to be a part of saving the day or fighting back given what Thanos did to her. I don't think it will happen though, because so far it seems she and the other "dead" characters won't be in the film until the very end when everything is over.

That’s a good question! “What 2 things” I hope to see most, huh? I hadn’t thought about it in that way before. It feels a little bit like an essay challenge. ;) I kid, I kid. I like being forced consider it.

I suppose the Number 1 thing that I’m most hoping is in the film / would be most disappointed if there’s no moment like this, is for Nebula to give some kind of triumphant speech against Thanos, similar to Gamora’s “All my life I dreamed of a day, a moment, when you got what you deserved” speech on Vormir in Infinity War. The two speeches could actually parallel each other beautifully. A moment of just Nebula and Thanos, where she finally has the upper hand, before she takes him down for good. Where she has the courage to speak her voice, and tells him off for everything he’s done to her. Maybe it wouldn’t be as eloquent as Gamora’s, but just as calm, confident, and brave. Not identical words, more personalized, because Nebula’s struggles were different from her sister’s, but anything about no longer being used or degraded by him, anger and scorn over what he did to her body, how he pit the two sisters against one another for years, and ripping her sister away after they were finally mending their relationship. Words that Nebula always wanted to say purely for her own revenge and closure, that she always imagined screaming at the loudest volume, but now they feel less important compared to what he did to Gamora. So perhaps the speech could start out all about Nebula, all of her torture sessions and crude modifications, and then change into the real elephant in the room. How none of it really matters anymore, because the worst thing of all was murdering her sister before she could even say goodbye.

But who knows if we’ll get anything like that in the movie! It seems Nebula will play a huge role, but it doesn’t mean there will be a mano-y-mano scene with her and the main villain. Can’t hurt to dream though, right? I just think that would be so fucking satisfying. I’d be cheering like a maniac.

The second thing I most want is probably…FINALLY SEEING A ROMANTIC AND HEART-TUGGING REUNION FOR PETER AND GAMORA!!! Obviously! We loyal Guardians fans and Starmora shippers have gone a long, painful year waiting for those two to be back in each other’s arms, and ANYTHING, a long and passionate kiss, an embrace, looks of disbelief that the other is really alive, a beautiful quote on equal level with “I love you more than anything,” apologies and crying and more reassurances, just, GAH! Bring it on! They both deserve it after everything on Knowhere, on Titan! They’ve suffered so fucking much, it’s been a mess. No matter how or when in the film they’re brought back, their reunion shouldn’t be glossed over, and should indeed be a really special moment. I know we have a TON of great and satisfying fanfiction depicting such moments, but if there isn’t any on-screen happy ending for them, and it’s just quick or implied, I’ll be a tiny bit peeved. I do think they will get a scene like that, though, since their relationship played a huge role in IW when we originally feared their deep love and connection would be ignored and the Guardians might just be comic relief (HA! In retrospect it’s HILARIOUS!). Gamora and Peter’s scenes, together and separately, were very emotionally-driven, character-driven, and plot-driven essential parts of IW. Even if they’re not in a majority of Endgame, I’m sure their return to the living realm, to the rest of their family, and to each other, will be triumphant.

Your answers were really good, too! A shot of ALL the heroes together would be nice, and I’m sure you already know that I agree about how awesome it would be for Gamora to take part in the action and final battle.

Thanks so much for the message and questions! We’ll just have to wait and see! ^_^

[jq37]

Ok last one. What's the tea on Prompocalypse?

So...that was something, huh?

This is gonna be quick and dirty (relatively speaking, it’s still too long already as I come back and make this edit) because I have work tomorrow and there are def stuff I want to talk about more and I will (esp if I get asks) but I have work in the morning so let’s just get some words onto the screen aight.

The episode titles have had a pretty consistent naming scheme up until this point so the one word, non alliterative title had me at a 7 on the foreboding scale before we even started.

Everyone was in prom wear! And lol, Siobhan is the only one in a dress. That's almost exactly what I pictured Adaine wearing to prom. That exact shade of blue-green. And Emily looks like a waiter. 

I wonder what Bren's plan was for if they'd thwarted the crowning entirely. Got baller initiative, some nat 20's on crown keepaway and smashing, and killed Penelope/Dayne before the bad guys could finish them. Would he just try to crown someone else or would the curb stompage have stood? Not that Goldenhoard would have been a pushover I imagine but jeez. He couldn't have been as strong as his true form.

Sidenote: One of my favorite little character things is Zac and Siobhan helping each other do math.

Fig dimension dooring Gorgug to the stage and then skateboarding away. Amazing.

"I'm going for her crown vs. his crown."/"In this climate?"

OK, shoutout to Zac fo asking for those bombs because they are OP as hell. 

I love how they just charged in and started trying to kill people, no questions asked, no explaining themselves to the other students, just bombs out immediately. 

My man Riz just couldn't catch a break. I understand the out of story reason the police haven't shown up is that Murph was rolling garbage, but what's taking them so long in story? Where? Is? Sklonda?

"I'm going to jump on the back of the Hangman."/”Presumptuous."

But also, by the end of the fight he's just like, "Do anything any party member tells you to!"

Lou losing it over Riz claiming best friend status. But damn, they kinda are the closest to each other in the party. Wild. 

"You know what baby girl? Why don't you ready an action until I get there," said Siobahn to Ally, hilariously for a number of reasons. 

They keep saying Teen Wolf and I have no idea what part of the movie they're referring to. This is the second ep in a row.

Lou trying to recruit a super sad Ragh.

They started off this fight really strong. Doing double digit damage and rolling over 20s. I was like, "Damn, they've leveled up. They're doing great!" Of course, we were still in the first third of the ep so I didn't know where we were going. But Lou was right. "Wild first turn."

"And then I shoot him."

I'm half convinced Riz jinxed everyone by saying, "Remember the corn fight?"

Kristen cast ONE spell and then said, "I don't have a lot of spells left." THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY AND SAVE ADAINE'S WORTHLESS FAMILY. YOU ARE THE HEALER. YOU NEED ALL YOUR SPELLS.

The students running to get food on the way out. Mood.

They messed Dayne *up*. This was the high point of the battle, objective-wise.

Sidenote, why would Dayne have needed to be at the Seacaster Manor raid? It feels dumb to ris him when he was such an important part of things. Was it literally just because he didn't like Fabian? And he disliked him enough to try and kill his parents? Yeesh.

Kirsten @ Ragh flipping out over Dayne: I see what's going on here.

Ragh really made this fight harder than it had to be. If Gorgug hadn't been grappled before Penelope got the crown they might have had a fighting chance.

So Penelope just straight up let what's her face (Sam I think) get palimpsested? Major yikes. Like I know it's a good thing they killed her but I kinda wish they hadn't so we could learn exactly what the insane thought process was there. She comes off as crazier than Biz because Biz was trapping girls he didn't respect, not his actual friends, you know? Like, did Goldenhoard say he was gonna make her an actual queen or something? Because all this isn't worth just being prom queen.

"Sometimes you make a villain and they die in the first two rounds," said Brennan, as if he didn't know what he was about to unleash on the party. Geez, I don't know how long they would have survived if Penelope and Dayne had been in play for a large chunk of the fight.

Murph's idea to blind him was a good one.

I almost was like, "Thank God Gorthalax got kidnapped," because that was the only good explanation for him seemingly ditching Fig.

Ally: Was that his best friend? (Emily: What./Siobahn: NO.)

"I'm like an advertisement for chicken."/"What chicken adverts are you watching?"/"It's like if you went to prom and there was a dangling chicken leg."/"What prom did you go to?"

Fabian full on clocking Penelope in the face like he's playing Punch Out.

"I killed my father today. Yes."

"This is against the rules but I don't care." In hindsight, this feels like foreshadowing.

"Well, that's the risk you take when you go to Aguefort Adventuring Academy."

"Get on the fucking right team!"

Lou (a la Gimli): And *my* D6.

Brennan pulling out that GIANT final form Goldenhoard figure.

For some reason, it didn't occur to me that he'd be just a legit dragon in his true form. I was picturing like the lich from Adventure Time or something.

Also, I was kinda expecting him to "Drop the act," and majorly change in personality but he was basically the same. Just a dick.

Gorgug rolls a 4. Brennan pauses for a second. The entire party: No.

Zac goes all in every time no matter how dumb it is. I love him.

"Father, stop this."/"What?"

"Not clever enough for the library and not brave enough for the world." Oww, I felt that one. Did Brennan have that waiting to use or did he come up with it on the spot because that was brutal.

Goldenhoard goes through the whole party, trying to hit their weakest point and he gets what might have been a great hit on Fig (You're so unloveable your father would rather go to hell than stay with you.) but she just says, "You have got to stop flirting with me," and completely diffuses the moment. As unflappable as Brennan is, he had to take a sec to jump back into the insult parade after that.

"I'm going to eat you."/"OH MY GOD."/"I'm not making it sexual!"

"*The* ball, bitch."

OK, I was wondering what the deal was with Riz's dad. Because giving him that gun implies a chance to kill his dad's killer but I didn't think it could be Goldenhoard directly because of the binding. That's another point towards Riz being the one to finish him off.

Wild that they weren't able to get any of the kids (save Ragh eventually) to help them with the fight. You go to adventuring school! Cowards! You would never make it at Sunnydale and that school was mostly normals!

The one dude still just getting food while Goldenhoard has turned into a full on dragon.

When an 18 wasn't a high enough roll for Fig to make her fear check, that's when I realized my earlier apprehension wasn't misplaced. I mean, maybe it should have been when he turned into a dragon but it is what it is.

But Fig skating away and then going, "Just kidding bitch," because she got it on the very next turn was hilarious.

Kristen still not being 100% on whether Ragh is gay or not.

Who was gonna kick Ragh off the team for being gay? Maybe Daybreak would have but Gorthalax def wouldn't have. Maybe he means he would have been bullied off?

Siobahn to Kristen/Ally: Stop outing students.

I can't believe Gorgug had to kiss Ragh in the middle of this fight to get his head in the game.

Also, I didn't get into it before because I knew this scene was coming but poor Ragh. Like, I could have told him things were gonna go this way and he's a big dummy for thinking otherwise, but poor dude. And then he finally gets it together and he gets wrecked.

"EMILY, I SOMETIMES CAN'T TELL WHEN YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING WITH ME OR NOT."

Siobhan doing the D&D equivalent of reminding the teacher they had homework.

The amount of dice that Brennan rolled for Goldenhoard was truly horrifying. That's permadeath damage.

AND HE GOT THE HEALER DOWN FIRST. This was the next moment I started sensing a TPK.

"HOMOPHOBE!"/"You hit both of the gay ones!"

Kristen taking damage from Goldenhoard's libertarian speech.

I find it such a Fig move to be like, "Can I use charm person to snap Adaine out of it," instead of the spell actually made for that purpose. 

Rolling low perception and getting no information is the worst because then it's like...OK I know something's out there but what dammit?

When Brennan said Fig would have to do opposed athletics against Adaine, that was the first time I was like, "Oh thank God she's so weak."

Murph forgetting to uncanny dodge until midway through the ep was uncharacteristic. Really shows how wild the fight was. 

"This kid likes to get his ass beat to a soundtrack."

Fabian refusing to just use the stairs like a normal person. 

Penelope going, "What's your deal?" like she's not helping an evil dragon who wants to rule the world. 

JAWBONE

JAWBONE JAWBONE JAWBONE

My man Jawbone shot way up on the list of cool adults today.

For real, the scene with Jawbone and Adaine was my second favorite moment of the episode and it would have been my favorite if not for a bit of divine intervention later. 

I already made a post about this but Jawbone notices Adaine flipping the hell out and he asks her if she has panic attacks and if her parents gave her any meds for it. She responds in, like, the smallest, most broken and defeated voice with a tiny head shake, "My parents just left and I don't know where they are." Gah, my heart. She was half crying. I was half awake and being kicked in the face with the full force of human emotion. It was a lot. I felt like I was a kid watching that one scene from Fresh Prince again but British-er. She gets that her parents suck and she hates them but she's 14. Everyone wants their parents to love them. It's like in our DNA.

And then Jawbone launches into the wildest motivational speech ever (including all of Kristen's, which is saying a lot) which starts with him sucking off a border patrol agent. (You understand me?/No!)

Ally, MVP of Terrible Speeches: *That* was the point?

Siobhan trying not to crack up and break character throughout that whole scene was great.

I love that Brennan was clearly trying to not encourage people to mess with their med dosage irl because he was very specific about that but also he was like, "A dragon is about to end the world so please shotgun this bottle of magic Xanax and hop on that bike."

I love that Adaine has all the magic stuff in her inventory and then also Xanax.

Aww, Jawbone offered to let her live with him because her house burned down. (I guess that info was on the news?)

And then Adaine rolls a 20 with the help from her meds (and buffs) right away! It's great when the dice cooperate.

"I came here to FUCK SHIT UP. And help children."

"Jawbone rules. I'm so glad we helped him get his life together."

Jawbone is such a sketch person but such a good counselor.

Siobhan calling Goldenhoard and absolute fucking unit sayed be at 5 in the morning when I watched this.

"I AM A CHILD. YOU ARE ATTACKING A BUNCH OF CHILDREN YOU COWARD."

"Then why is your dick out?" Adaine joining in Fig w/ the taunting Goldenhoard via accusations of flirting. 

"Why are you guys partially singed?"/"Because he's been attacking us Dad! Also Dad, he kind of used to come on to me all the time."

"Play the drums more and we'll have a full band on stage!"/"...Instead."

"You ruined prom!"/"I RUINED PROM?"

At this point I was thinking, "Geez, there's not a lot of episode left and Penelope isn't even dead yet. How could they possibly defeat Goldenhoard AND have time for tying up loose ends?" TPK vibes increase.

Adaine getting a nat 20 on Arcana, "Yeah it is what it is. You're screwed."

Hell yeah for Adaine giving Goldenhoard her low divination roll to ensure her lightning bolt hit. Not that it ended up mattering that much but still. Sick.

"Well you could have told me before this very moment!"/"I was dead!"

I just checked on the stats of an an adult red dragon in 5E and it's got 256 HP. 256! And look at the other stats! They're wild.

"This is the number of dice?"/"Yeah."/"God."

Fig goes down. Their secondary healer. So, not good. Very not good.

Brennan letting Emily burn Goldenhoard's tie as she passes out because Emily refuses to do nothing.

And Riz goes down too! The one with the med kit! At this point I was like, there is no way this can end well.

"How far away is the hospital?" I love it when they try just normal solutions in this magic game like calling their parents and going to the hospital.

It is an hour and 47 minutes into the episode before Adaine remembers she's wearing a magic coat that can make her anything (within reason). Which, to be fair, it took me a little bit too but, in my defense, I'm not staring at her character sheet.

Real talk, I didn't think she was gonna get anything from the jacket from that ask. Something to beat Kalvaxis is such a big ask.

When Brennan started going into the jacket stuff I was like, this is a really weird deus ex machina if that's what this is. But also, the kids have been hilariously chill with just having Adaine walk around in a jacket filled with people.

There was a lot to unpack there and I'll got to it in another post but I can't do another 4k epic this week y'all. I have work in the morning.

Adaine yelling for Basrar to get them their ice cream before they freaking die.

Aww Gorthalax tried to heal Fig instead of attacking.

"Daddy that was a waste of a turn."

Gorgug who has a million hit points went down and all the healers are down. There are less than ten minutes left in the episode. TPK for sure, I'm thinking.

Adaine flipping people off with a vengeance today.

Also the fact that she totally forgot that she could ask for a healing potion which is totally a thing that she almost def would have been able to get is hilarious. I mean it wouldn't have been as funny if the episode ended differently but, as it stands, hilarious.

"Does the Hangman know medicine?"

"What about this student? Is he studying to be a cleric?"

Adaine is down. That's everyone down but Fabian. Three and a half minutes left. And that's when I realize. There's not enough time for a good ending, but there's not enough time for a bad ending either. But there's no S2. This is an anthology series. What's going on here my sleepy 6am brain is saying.

Fig giving her dad bardic inspiration while passed out because Emily is Emily.

Everyone (exceptt Riz) was making their saves. I'm thinking, "Is next season different characters, same setting. Maybe a bunch of years in the future? Legacy characters?" I'm trying to put together the fact that this is the finale with 2 minutes left with the fact that they're playing different characters next season. The pieces aren't fitting. 

And that's because I couldn't have predicted what was about to happen.

Ally, clearly joking says, "Can I roll for a nat 20 and just be alive?"

Brennan, barely thinking, says, "Sure, go for it," as casually as if he was okaying a perception check.

Murph and Lou are cracking up at the absurdity of the ask. 

Ally says, "This is to the corn god," half solem, half smiling.

Siobhan holds her hand over the dice like she's blessing them.

"I know I left for a while," Ally starts as the dice are cast and...

"NAT 20 MOTHERFUCKER!"

Everyone goes WILD.

Ally punches air.

Brennan looks like someone slapped him.

Emily: You have to rip up your comparative world religions book.

BONUS EPISODE UNLOCKED

And what did we learn today? A 5 percent chance is small, but not insignificant. 

OK, there’s one thing I want to address before I tap out for the night (and it’s not spell checking. I’ll do that in the morning).

I saw some people discussing the possibility that they faked the ending. Like, they just edited it like that to give them another chance because they were all about to die. Beyond the fact that I just trust them to not have done that, the other big reason I don’t think that’s likely is because there was a much more seamless way of stacking the deck in their favor. Brennan could have had Adaine pull literally anything out of her jacket. And I truly mean anything because this is a finale. Even if he gave her something game breaking, it wouldn’t have set a precedent because it’s the last ep. And that’s beyond all the NPCs that could plausibly have come in because they know something is up and teleportation is a thing in this world. Nah, I think that was just good, old fashioned, luck of the roll and thank Helio because they needed it.

OK, that’s it for now! Join me at some point between now and next ep to unpack this because it’s a lot and apparently we have another episode to get through. Hoot growl baby!

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 1

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: graphic sex, oral sex, playful spanking, language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in May 2016. Chris has just returned home from the Captain America: Civil War promo tour. 

Note: This episode takes place the same day as Chris, Gwyneth and Robert visited Ryan Wilcox so that is what Chris & Ellie are referencing.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological.  It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future.  However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 1: May 23, 2016

Ellie Spencer stood in front of the sink, her hands encased in yellow rubber dishwashing gloves as she cleaned the dishes she’d used that night for dinner. It wasn’t that she didn’t have a dishwasher–there were actually two in the fancy-schmancy kitchen of the Los Angeles home she shared with her fiance–she just didn’t see the point in using the machine when she was eating alone. Again.

Her family and friends–including her beloved, soon-to-be in-laws–had taken turns visiting her over the last several weeks, but now she had the house to herself until her fiance got home from the final leg of the promo tour. When that would be, she wasn’t sure; he was remaining tight lipped about when he would get home.

Sighing, she set the last dish on the dish drying rack–the one she’d brought with her when she’d moved back into his place from her little closet of an apartment–and pulled off the rubber gloves. She turned around and screamed of fright when she saw someone standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the hallway. It took her a second to realize who it was.

“Chris!” she exclaimed, grabbing one of the rubber gloves and throwing it in his direction only to have it land on the floor with a splat half way between them. “Gah! I hate when you scare me like that!”

“I couldn’t resist,” he replied, chuckling.

She wanted to run across the room and throw herself into his arms, but that would just be rewarding him for scaring her. Appraising him, she noticed the dark circles under his eyes and that his shirt was a bit tighter in the tummy area than it had when he’d left; no doubt thanks to his family in Boston making him anything to eat that he wanted.

Smiling, she finally started towards him, but stopped suddenly as she realized their two loud, noisy dogs had yet to make an appearance. “How did you sneak in here without alerting the dogs?” she asked.

“Ninja training,” he replied, closing the distance between them. “And I wasn’t trying to scare you, honest, you just looked so pretty with the light over the sink casting a beautiful glow on your -”

She cut him off by grabbing his lips and pushing them together to create a duck face.

“It’s hard,” he said, his voice muffled and his words slurred. “But I can still talk.”

She smiled and then let out a whistle that had their two dogs sprinting into the room moments later. The second the dogs spotted him, they started barking loudly and jumping around his feet. She was forced to let go of his lips and take a step back to not be trampled by his mutt, Dodger, and her English Bulldog, Daisy.

“Hey kids,” he said, laughing as he got down on his knees to greet the excited pups. He gave Dodger a hug and then rubbed Daisy’s belly when she rolled onto her back. “Your momma isn’t being very nice to me, Daisy.”

“You could have called to say you were on your way home,” Ellie pointed out. “A text wouldn’t have hurt either.”

“I just wanted to surprise you,” he replied, looking up at her. “Besides, I didn’t know until yesterday afternoon that I was even coming to California today. It was kind of a last minute thing.”

Ellie’s expression softened as she recalled the photos that had been sent to her today. Her fiance had the biggest heart and loved making people smile. Reaching her hand out, she helped him off the floor and then wrapped her arms around his waist, settling her head on his chest. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

“I’m happy to be home,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “Six weeks is a really long time to be gone.”

“Way too long,” she agreed, breathing in the spicy, woodsy scent of him.

They had experienced longer absences, but they hadn’t been engaged let alone dating. She had just been his housekeeper; the one his mom had hired behind his back for his home in LA. She recalled that during her interview, his mom had explained that she wasn’t impressed with Chris or his brother Scott’s inability to clean up after themselves and that she was tired of showing up for vacation to find a messy house.

Chris had been understandably annoyed with his mom’s “underhanded approach”, especially since she’d hired an attractive young woman in her late twenties, but then he’d gotten to know Ellie and there had been a spark. His mom always claimed to have a sixth sense about things like this and he knew she would never let him forget that she had hand picked her only daughter-in-law.

He knew that Ellie was his mom’s dream daughter-in-law, too; mostly because she loved to completely redecorate a room as much as his mom did. Ellie had just moved in with him, permanently, before he left to film Captain America: Civil War and his mom had stayed with her for a couple weeks. He’d come home to find his, rather their, bedroom completely redone. He’d liked what they had done and he’d be the first to admit it looked a lot better than what he’d originally had. But it was only thanks to his brother and Ellie’s uncle that he hadn’t come home to the interior of his house painted with brightly colored accent walls. The only room with that special treatment was the breakfast nook that was a “sunny shade of yellow” as Ellie described it.

“Alright, so what did you and my mom do while she was visiting?” Chris asked Ellie. When she tried to dodge the question by drawing herself up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss, he stole her duck face move and did it to her. “What did you do?”

“We redid the basement,” she replied, her words just as muffled and hard to understand as his had been earlier.

Chris held her lips together for a second longer before dropping his hand and grabbing hers. “Alright, let’s go see what you two did.” He led her down the stairs to the daylight basement, with the dogs following at their heels.

What he found stopped him in his tracks, forcing a bumper car like collision behind him with Ellie and the dogs. What had once been a long, narrow room with his home theater system in the very center and boxes piled up on the far ends, was now a smaller movie room with two walls splitting off, what he assumed, were two smaller rooms.

“They’re retracting walls,” Ellie explained. “My craft room is to the left and your office is on the right.” She slipped past him on the stairs and made her way to the wall that separated her craft room from the rest of the room. She unlatched a couple hooks then grabbed a hidden rod and started walking backwards. As he watched, a small, yet functional craft room was revealed. Then she crossed the room and removed the wall that separated his office from the larger room.

“Ellie, this is fantastic,” he said, noticing that he could easily work from his desk and watch TV as well as watch her working in her craft room. “It’s perfect.”

This time when she came looking for a kiss, he didn’t deny her. Their kiss was filled with six long weeks of being apart; wait, scratch that, seven weeks, as his family and friends had been here and they’d  been too tired to do anything but sleep at night. The last time they’d been together had been a few hours before his red eye flight for the Asian part of press tour and it had been limited to a quickie in the shower.

Filled with need, he picked her up and carried her to the large island-style work table in her craft room. Setting her down on the edge, he quickly found that it was the perfect height for her to sit on and him to stand between her legs with their most needy parts front and center. It made him wonder if it was just a coincidence or a purposely designed that way.

“Your desk is the same height,” she whispered in his ear and then scraped the lobe with her teeth.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he grabbed hold of her left knee with one hand, placed his other hand on the small of her back then pulled her body closer to his, letting her feel the hardness hidden in his jeans.

Hungrily, their mouths met again and their kisses grew heated quickly; the time they spent apart enhancing every feeling and need. In no time at all, her hands slipped from around his neck to the buttons of his shirt. His mouth left hers and he kissed down the side of her neck to the exposed skin of her wide-necked sweater.

After undoing the last button of his shirt, she pushed the sleeves down his arms where he finished the job of taking it off. With lust filled eyes, she took in his chiseled chest, brushing her fingers over his many tattoos and loving the way his chest hair felt against her fingers.

“God I’ve missed your touch,” he said, huskily. He breathed in deeply, taking in the fruity smell of her perfume and the natural essence that was her. “And your smell.” He kissed her neck. “And your neck.” He pulled down the front of her shirt, revealing the cleavage of her ample chest. “And, fuck, your breasts.”

She sunk her teeth into her lower lip as he pressed his face into her cleavage, nipping and licking at her sensitive skin. When one of his hands moved down to the hem of her sweatshirt and started pulling it up, she grabbed the other side and helped him, revealing a lacy, black bra.

The sweatshirt fell aside as her self-proclaimed “ass man” of a boyfriend cupped her breasts and licked his lips. His thumbs found her nipples over her bra, making them harder than their already pebbled state. Moving his hands to her back, he undid the four hooks of her bra and then slipped the straps down her arms, freeing her breasts.

His large hands touched her newly exposed skin with care, taking the time to tease her nipples while also letting his fingers wander, sending shivers down her spine. She wrapped her hands around his head, locking her fingers together when his mouth joined the fun.

With heat pooling between her legs and unable to sit still any longer, she dropped her hands from his head down to the waistband of his jeans. She popped the button then slid the zipper down and slipped her hand into them, wrapping her hand around his already hard cock.

“Fuck,” he groaned, breathing against her breast. He allowed her to jerk him a couple times before he grabbed her wrist and forced her to let go. “Seven weeks, babe. I want to come inyou, not on you.”

“Less talk, more action,” she replied, giving him a heated look.

Smirking, he grabbed the waistband of her yoga pants and pulled them down, forcing her to lay back against the cool table top so she could lift her hips to help. He pulled the pants down her legs and dropped them on the floor. Then he ran his eyes up her body, starting with the sexy black booty shorts she was wearing and up her curvy body to her smiling face.

Reaching up, he gave her left breast a playful squeeze and a little shake, making it jiggle for his pleasure. Then he got back to business and slipped his hands under the waistband of her panties. She raised her hips to help him get them over her ass and then he pulled them down her legs.

He licked his lips as she parted her legs, revealing the pink heat that he’d dreamt about since the quickie in their shower. He wrapped his hands around her knees and pulled her forward so her ass was just on the edge of the table. He felt her body tremor as he slowly moved his hands from her knees up to her thighs and to her apex.

“Chris… please��” he heard her whimper.

She cried out when his hands finally touched the outer edges of her sex and then slipped between her already slick folds. She rocked her hips forward to encourage his movements and he obliged by brushing his thumb against her clit and then circling around it. Her hips bucked off the table top when he did it again.

She let out a breathless whimper when he slid his long fingers through her folds and finallyslipped one into her sex. She rocked her hips forward as he fucked her with his digit and then a second.

“FUCK!” she cried out as he swiped her clit with his tongue. Her body shook as he pleasured her with his fingers and tongue. She threw her hand down to grab his hair, temporarily forgetting that he’d shaved off the locks. “Oh god… Chris…. Please, just fuck me.”

He gave her clit another swirl with his tongue before he righted himself and pulled her in for a kiss. He felt her hand slip between their bodies and take ahold of his throbbing cock. She guided him to her entrance and he pushed his hips forward, slipping into her sex. Their kisses continued as their bodies rocked together and she clung to him, her fingernails biting into the skin on his shoulders.

She soon found herself being pushed backwards so she was laying on her back with him leaning down over her; the pace of his thrusts speeding up with each one. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held onto him as he pounded in and out of her.

The weeks apart and his earlier teasing had her falling apart first with her body stiffening all the way to her toes as she came. Just as her body began to relax, his tightened above her and she felt the small jerks of his body as he came inside of her.

Breathing heavily, he rested his face against her breasts and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of being enveloped by her. His legs felt a bit rubbery and he hadn’t thought about the post sex positions, but he refused to move until he absolutely had to.

“I think your office chair and desk will be more comfortable,” she said with a laugh a few minutes later.

“I don’t know, I’m pretty comfortable right here,” he said, rubbing his bearded chin against the skin of her breasts.

“We’ll both be comfortable in our nice big comfortable bed,” she replied, running her hand over his buzzed hair.

“Alright,” he said, sighing. He pressed a kiss to her lips and then they parted. He didn’t admit it outloud, but his back twinged a bit as he straightened up.

“You going to need a massage tomorrow?” she asked with a knowing smirk as she rolled her neck one way and then the other. “Should we call Robert?”

“Shut up,” he replied as she hopped off the table. He watched as she bent over to grab his shirt off the floor and he took the opportunity to smack her bare ass playfully.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, standing up quickly. “Two can play that game you know.”

“That’s a game you know I like,” he replied, wiggling his eyebrows at her. “Day or night.”

“Oh I know,” she said smirking as she pressed her body against his. “So here’s what we’re going to do.” She bit her lip and looked up at him. “Are you listening?”

“I’m all ears, babe.”

“I’m going to go upstairs to our room and get in the shower,” she said, moving one of her hands around his waist and settling it on his tight ass. “And you…” she drew her tongue along the tattoo he had on his clavicle. “…you’re going to let the dogs out to go potty.”

He groaned as she pulled her body away suddenly and he watched as she slipped his shirt on then left the basement with an extra sway in her step.

He took a few deep, calming breaths and then gathered their clothes from the floor, knowing he would be sent back down to get them if he went to the bedroom without them. Using the clothes as a cover for his half-aroused cock, he opened the sliding door and let the dogs out to do their business.

Once they returned, he took time to properly lock up the house for the night and then headed up the stairs to the bedroom he and Ellie shared. The dogs made to follow him into the room, but he stopped them in the doorway. “Sorry, kids, not tonight. Mommy and daddy need privacy. Go lay on your beds.” Both dogs gave him sad looks but retreated to the small alcove in the hallway that Ellie had converted into a small reading nook. “Good dogs.”

Closing the bedroom door behind him, Chris tossed their clothes into the hamper in the walk-in-closet and then made his way into the bathroom. The glass surround of the shower was already steamed over as he opened the large door and slipped into the shower behind her.

“I love you,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I love you, too,” she replied, turning in his arms to kiss him.

Episode 1.5

Want to find me off tumblr? I’m @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[love-little-lotte]

My Top 11 Favorite Outlander Episodes (Seasons 1-3)

Hello! I’m back again with another Outlander post haha. What did you guys think of the latest episode? Wasn’t much of a fan of it (what the hell, Roger?) but I’m kind of looking forward for the next episodes now. 

But that’s not what this post is going to be about. I mentioned from my Outlander Obsession post that I would like to discuss about the cast and characters of Outlander, much like I did with The Handmaid’s Tale before. But then I realized that there are so, so, so many Outlander characters that made an impression and it would be impossible to fit them in one post. So, I decided to make a Top 11 Favorite Outlander episodes. 

These episodes are entirely my favorites. So I don’t care if you agree with me. I’m just sharing to you my fave episodes. You can definitely share your own as well. I also chose episodes from the first three seasons because Season 4 is just starting. Maybe I’ll make another one when Season 4 is done. 

So, shall we begin?

#11: Season 1, Episode 15 - Wentworth Prison

This episode was such a roller coaster, I swear. Since I don’t know anything about Outlander (I just recently started reading the first book, thanks to a suggestion), I was caught off guard when this episode happened. I don’t really have the stomach for torture scenes, so this one almost made me cry. The next episode is more, um, detailed for sure and is more harrowing than this one, but I couldn’t bring myself to rewatch that episode just yet. 

The Wentworth Prison episode, however, is more bearable to watch. I especially love Claire in this episode, since she portrayed a strong modern woman. Jamie rescues her a lot - when she was almost assaulted by Black Jack Randall and the one with the witch trial - and now, we get to see her rescue him. Despite the dangers ahead, she didn’t stay put and she was ready to risk everything.

This also highlighted the acting chops of Caitriona Balfe, Sam Heughan, and Tobias Menzies. They were definitely convincing as their characters, especially Sam and Tobias. I bet this was not an easy episode to shoot (as well as the next one), but hats off to them! 

#10: Season 2, Episode 11 - Vengeance is Mine

Ah, this was such an entertaining episode. I watched this in a public place on my phone while I was eating lunch, and I had to stop myself from screaming when the Duke died. The Duke of Sandringham is one of those characters that you love to hate! And it was such a pleasure to watch him die (most fittingly) in Murtagh’s hands. Mary also got her revenge to the man who raped her, which really ruined her prospects with the love of her life, Alex Randall.

Claire, also once again, became the heroine of the day when she sacrificed herself so that the Redcoats would leave them alone. Thanks to her quick thinking, she was able to save Jamie and the others, and crossed paths once again with Mary, saving her as well. 

#09: Season 3, Episode 1 - The Battle Joined

Finally! All of the events in the first two seasons led up to the historic Battle of Culloden, and it was a delight to see it. Though they only had snippets of it, it was so satisfying to see Jamie finally end Randall’s life. He finally got his revenge! But this triumph is temporary, when Jamie wakes to realize that most of his friends lost their lives in the battle, and that Claire is not there with him. 

Claire, on the other hand, is adjusting to her new life in Boston with Frank. It wasn’t easy, of course, but she was able to make life bearable. She learned to have a new relationship with Frank, even though it was not what they had before. Not only has she to overcome her new relationship with Frank, but also her status as a woman in the 40s, especially since she was regarded as one of the bravest women back in the 18th century Scotland. 

#08: Season 1, Episode 1 - Sassenach 

The episode that started it all. I started watching Outlander because I was bored one Sunday afternoon, but when I watched the first episode, I knew that I came across something special. 

The episode showed a small backstory of Claire in the war and her relationship with Frank, which made us sympathize her character when she time travelled to the 18th century. It also showed us Claire and Jamie’s first meeting with the dislocated shoulder scene! Sparks were definitely flying when they first met, I swear. The title of the episode is also one of my favorite term of endearments Jamie uses for Claire. 

#07: Season 2, Episode 4 - La Dame Blanche 

I have a soft spot for period dramas and dinner episodes haha. Maybe it’s an after-effect of Downton Abbey. 

Other than that scene though, this also introduced us to another villain in the Frasers’ life - Comte St. Germain. That piece of shit tried to poison our favorite feminist icon but being the baddest bitch that she is, she survived. This was also the episode when Claire finally reveals to Jamie that Black Jack Randall is actually alive, and that he will get his revenge. Jamie also got over (more or less) his traumatic experience, and finally has sex with Claire after months. 

#06: Season 2, Episode 13 - Dragonfly in Amber

This episode reduced me to tears! So many goodbyes. So many heartache. My poor heart can’t take it. Though there was a small piece of happiness (Claire is pregnant, again!), it was also the reason why Claire has to go back to her own time for the safety of her unborn child. 

Claire and Jamie’s tearful goodbye were so heartfelt and real, and both Cait and Sam acted so perfectly in that episode. I especially love Jamie’s lines: “Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, and God, I loved her well” before making love to Claire one last time. In the end, though, we find out that Jamie never really died in the Battle of Culloden and Claire makes up her mind to go back to see him again. 

Oh, and we also get to see Brianna, Claire and Jamie’s daughter. She’s an interesting character, for sure, and I can’t wait to see more of her. 

#05: Season 3, Episode 6 - A. Malcolm 

Yes! The most awaited reunion! After 20 years of being separated from each other, they finally reunite. Even though they’re much, much older than they last met, the passion is still burning and the love they feel for each other is still there.

Aside from the most-awaited love scenes, my favorite scene in this episode is Jamie finally seeing photographs of Brianna. It was such a wonderful moment, that after 20 years of not knowing what happened to his wife and daughter, he is finally aware that the sacrifice he made 20 years ago was worth it. The couple also had a lot to talk about after not seeing for so many years. I watched the whole season 3 in, like, a day so I cannot imagine the agony the fans had to endure while waiting for this episode haha. 

#04: Season 1, Episode 7 - The Wedding 

Ah, of course. You can’t have a Top Favorite Outlander Episodes without including this episode. This episode showed Claire and Jamie’s first kiss (which was weirdly during their wedding lmao) and their first love scene/s (they had sex, like, three times in this episode). 

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I don’t think Claire was in love with Jamie when she married him, but she was obviously drawn to him, and she felt a strong attachment. This was the beginning of an understanding Claire and Jamie shares - may it be physically, or romantically.

Plus, the costumes and setting were breathtaking. Claire’s wedding gown was absolutely charming, as well as the wedding place. It really gave me the 18th century feels. The flashbacks were also nicely put, as it gave more personality to other characters. 

#03: Season 1, Episode 9 - The Reckoning 

Correct me if I’m mistaken, but this was the first episode that Jamie was narrating, instead of Claire. We finally get to hear what he was thinking about the entire time. It was also in this episode where he truly admitted that he was indeed falling in love with Claire.

Claire and Jamie also get their first major fight as a married couple. The whole screaming match they shared was so... entertaining to watch haha. I could watch the two of them bantering the whole day, I swear. And when they forgave each other? Gah, tears me up all the time. 

Though the whole “disciplining the wife” scene was cringey, I guess it was still necessary especially because this was set in the 18th century, and husbands really do that to their wives. Jamie apologized in the end, though, and promised never to do that again and they had the most mind-blowing sex scene in the whole series lmao. 

#02: Season 2, Episode 7 - Faith 

This was one of the saddest episodes, ever. Or probably the saddest one. Claire losing her baby was such a punch to the gut. The whole scene with Claire singing to the baby was also such a heartbreaking moment. Claire is not a stranger to losing family members, since her own parents died when she was really young, but losing a child is something she never even imagined, also probably because she thought she could never conceive. 

The whole scene with the Comte and Raymond was also a nail-biter. The whole thing was directed perfectly and without flaw, and I love seeing the Comte receive his bitter end. Claire is someone you would not like to mess with. 

Caitriona Balfe in this episode was such a force to be reckoned with. Her acting chops were truly highlighted in this episode, and I could definitely feel her pain and anguish. I couldn’t imagine how she handled those feels, because ah, she was so amazing in this one. 

#01: Season 1, Episode 11 - The Devil’s Mark 

This episode is the best, really. The directing, the acting of everyone, the whole thing leading up to the witch trial... ah! Geilles is actually one of my favorite characters, even though she’s a villain. She’s tough and clever, and I have a weakness for female villains because it’s such a breather. Geilles is a very interesting character, for sure.

I’ve already suspected that Geilles was something else, when Claire saw her dance in the woods before, so I wasn’t really surprised when she was also from the future. Lotte Verbeek’s acting was so good, and I couldn’t imagine a better Geilles than her. 

Also, I always believed that this was the episode Claire finally realized that she’s really in love with Jamie. She finally trusts him enough to tell him the truth. And despite all of that, Jamie accepts her and even took her to Craigh na Dun so that she can be together with Frank again. He was ready to give up his happiness, his love for her, so that she could be happy.

But Claire didn’t go through the stones. She decided to stay with Jamie because yes, she’s in love with her. She also told him to bring her home to Lallybroch. It was actually in the next episode where they say “I love you” to each other, but her staying is also a sure sign that she was indeed has serious feelings for him. 

So, there you have it - my Top 11 Favorite Outlander episodes. Most of them are from the first two seasons, because those two are my favorites are more memorable to me. 

This is probably going to be the last lengthy Outlander post I’m going to make, unless there’s something exciting that will happen in the future episodes and I’ll have to rant about it haha. 

[choupetit]

GOT Recap:  The Last of the Starks

Airdate:  5/5/19  Season 8, Episode 4

Ack! The remaining episodes of Game of Thrones are dwindling as fast as the number of secondary characters – we’re more than halfway through the season and merely two episodes away from the end of the series.  Waaaah, I just want it to last forever!  This latest episode offered up a buffet of secrets, strategy, and surprises, oh my! There’s a lot to unpack, as the writers rush to neatly tie up storylines and set things up for the next big battle, so get comfy, grab a cup of your favorite Starbucks beverage and let’s hop right into the recap for “The Last of the Starks”:

We start off at Winterfell, with a somber send-off of all the valiant heroes who died in the battle against the Night King and his Army of Dead.  Ser Jorah’s body lays on a funeral pyre and a grief-stricken Daenerys Targaryen bids him farewell and whispers something into his ear.  

Sansa Stark stands by Theon Greyjoy’s pyre, crying.  You can’t help but think of all the horror they both endured together at the hands of Ramsay Bolton – the one person who best understood what Sansa has been through is now gone. She places her Direwolf sigil pin in his vest.  Awww, Theon has officially been redeemed in the eyes of the Starks.

After everybody has had the chance to pay their respects, the camera zooms out and we see the enormity of the casualites – rows and rows of multi-leveled funeral pyres stretch across the battlefield.

Jon Snow gives a heartfelt speech and reminds all the survivors of their honor and duty to keep the legacy alive of the brave men and women who died to ensure the safety of humankind. The pyres are lit, and the gigantic cloud of smoke they emit is immense.

With the mass funeral behind them, it’s time for everybody to celebrate their survival with a grand feast in the Great Hall.  Bran Stark, Sansa, Jon, and Daenerys are all steated at the VIP table for the festivities, though Daenerys won’t even look at Jon.  Arya’s absence is noticed by Gendry, who asks everybody he knows if they’ve seen her.  

As Gendry walks past the VIP table, Queen Dany calls him out.  It’s a tense moment as she asks him “Hey, aren’t you the son of Robert Baratheon? You know, the dude who tried to have me killed?” Gendry cautiously replies, “Um…well, about that, see, I didn’t even know my pops and I only recently even found out he was my dad, so…” and then Dany’s all “Dude, I’m just messing with you.” She makes him Lord of Storm’s End – which is apparently a title that is totally up for grabs, and she also tells him he’s not a bastard anymore. Because. She. Said. So.  She also decrees that it’s time for the realm to have access to hand-crafted coffee drinks from entirely different universes and everybody hails both Queen Dany and Gendry, Lord of Storm’s End.  Tyrion leans over to Dany and praises her on the smart move:  It’s both a fitting reward for a war hero and will ensure Gendry’s line will always be loyal to her.

Across the room, Jaime Lannister convinces Brienne of Tarth to let loose and drink a bit, seeing how they have fought Death and survived.  

Meanwhile Tyrion and Davos share a quick chat about Melisandre and the Lord of Light thing that was, actually, weirdly accurate -  and now  it’s all over without much rhyme or reason.  Thanks for acknowledging my feelings, GOT writers, because, yes, it does seem odd that we would have so much cool prophecy-driven stuff and have it suddenly vanish.  Tyrion cynically states that even though the Dead may be gone, they still have people to contend with – and humans are doing a pretty decent job in destroying themselves without the help of the Night King.

Tyrion makes his way to Bran and I can’t help wondering what conversation these two had the night before the battle.  When he points out that Bran’s abilities as the hard drive for their world’s memories will surely serve him well as the Lord of Winterfell, Bran shrugs it off, saying he’s not a Lord, and honestly doesn’t have need for wants in this world as he pretty much spends most of his time in the past.  Gah, I really want to see more time jumps!!! I’m really hoping that Bran’s nifty warging days continue and that they will have a role to play in the following two episodes.

As the men and women continue to celebrate and drink heavily, Tormund Giantsbane gives a toast to the Dragon Queen, who in turn toasts the absent Arya Stark as the true hero of Winterfell that she is.  Meanwhile, Tyrion joins Jaime, Brienne and Podrick Payne for a rousing drinking game.

The night wears on and Tormund  is sloshed out of his mind.  He boistrously sings Jon’s praises, listing his many daring accomplishments and at one point Tormund even roars “Who flies a dragon?  A madman!  Or a king!!” and the room breaks out in cheers.  Daenerys ain’t liking it.   She sulks in the corner and gives major side eye to Jon and his group of pals who are all having a blast as she sits alone and friendless.  Varys looks on with suspicious concern.  She rises with a resentful scowl and exits the hall.

Brienne, Podrick and the Lannister bros thoroughly enjoy their drinking game until Tyrion pulls an a-hole move by speculating about Brienne’s virginity.  It’s very Breakfast Club-y  (“Answer the question, Claire!”) and it sobers Brienne up real quick.  She excuses herself and walks off.  Jaime follows after her.

Sansa spies the Hound and joins him for a chat.  At first he’s his usual gruff self, but he soon comes to realize just how much Sansa has changed since her time in King’s Landing.   He points out that she could have been spared all the torment she’s lived through, if only she had trusted him and left King’s Landing with him the night of the battle at the Blackwater.  Sansa – boss that she is – goes full Christina Aguilera and tells him how all those hardships made her stronger and the woman that she is today. It’s really an awesome scene and solidifies why the Hound is one of my faves and also how savvy and confident Sansa has become since the start of the series.

Gendry leaves the hall and finds Arya, shooting arrows by herself in the courtyard.  He shares the news of his Lordship with her and before you know it, he’s professing his love for her and bends his knee to propose that she become his wife and the Lady of Storm’s End. Aw, Gendry! That’s sweet, but that’s also not Arya’s jam at all.  She lets him down super easy, and while it’s kind of a bummer these two aren’t going to settle down and make babies together, it’s totally the right move. Hold on, though – maybe they already HAVE made a baby together?!  I know it seems a bit far-fetched to throw that log onto the storyline fire with just a few episodes left, but it could be an actual possibility.  Just sayin’.

With the festivities winding down, errbody is looking for a booty call.  Jaime comes a knockin’ on Brienne’s door to do some serious follow up on the question about her virginity.  They hook up and it’s the first time for them both – for Jaime it’s the first time sleeping with a knight…and probably also somebody who isn’t related to him.  For Brienne, it’s the first time sleeping with a dude with a golden prosthetic – which might come in rather…handy.  Also, she is a virgin.  Well, she was.  ‘Till Jaime gave her a hand in that department.  Ok, I’ll stop.

As Jon sits in his room, there’s a knock on the door.  It’s Daenerys and he invites her in.  She gets super vulnerable with him and tells him she loves him.   Things start to heat up and they make out until Jon remembers that she’s his aunt.  Weirdly, it spoils the moment.  Dany wishes he had never told her the truth about his parents, and she begs him to keep it a secret. Jon reasons that he has to tell his family and he downplays the significance of putting the truth out into the world for everybody to know. Danerys counters that this will destroy them and he has a choice, but is being a d-bag about it.  “Ugh, why can’t you just go along with my awesome plan to live in blissful repression so I can be queen and everything stays amazing?!” She leaves in a huff.  I’m so torn by the stuff going on with Dany.  The writers are turning her into this unlikeable, selfish, pouty brat.  On the one hand, I feel she is justified to feel and act the way she does.  On the other hand, she’s making a lot of poor and rash decisions lately and really isn’t winning people over.  She needs a PR overhaul to get her mojo back, stat.  

The next day in the War Room, all the important people are discussing strategy as it pertains to knocking Cersei off her Iron Throne.  Daenerys has lost half her Dothraki and Unsullied troops.  Same for Jon and the Northerners.  They are now at an even balance with Cersei’s fighters which include the Golden Company.  Yara Greyjoy has managed to take back the Iron Islands, so Dany has her support. Dorne also stands behind Daenerys’ claim to the throne, because they hate Cersei’s guts.  Daenerys points out that is doesn’t matter that she has half of Westeros’s support if  Cersei remains in power in the capital – she must be removed.  And Dany’s gut instinct is to completely annihilate King’s Landing.

Lord Varys points out that it’s not the best move to kill thousands of innocent people, if they can find a better way to remove Cersei from power.  Tyrion suggests they make use of the Greyjoy fleet and cut off all food from coming into King’s Landing – he’s seen the people revolt against their monarch on their own in the past.  If they show the starving plebians what a crappy leader Cersei is, they’ll handle her  downfall on their own.  He also suggests that Daenerys offer Cersei a bargain, wherein the current queen can keep her life if she steps down without a fight.  At first Dany bristles at the idea, but she agrees to this plan, if only because it will make Daenerys look good to the people of King’s Landing that she attempted to broker a deal with Cersei to minimize the suffering of the common folk.

Sansa speaks up and says that her men – aka the North – need time to rest and heal from the battle against the Night King.  Daenerys snaps back like a petulant child. “Excuse me?? We need to attack my enemies NOW. I lent my forces for the Winterfell battle – and now that it’s time to pony up the North’s soldiers for my pet project of conquering the realm, you don’t wanna do it yet? What do we say to the God of stalling for time?  NOT TODAY, BIATCH!” Jon interjects that they’ll give Dany whatever she wants, when she wants, and both his sisters shoot him a look.   Ugh, I think it’s a really dumb decision on Daenerys’s part, and it is really solidifying her continued descent into becoming an unreasonable tyrant.  Plus, it’s not winning her any favor among the Northerners, which she badly needs. Really, what’s the harm in waiting another week or two?

Everybody agrees that Jon and the Northern army will march south along the King’s Road.  Meanwhile, Dany and her Unsullied will head to White Harbor and sail back to Dragonstone.  As everybody leaves the room, only the Stark siblings are left behind and Arya grabs Jon’s arm. “We need a word, bro.”

In the Godswood, Bran, Sansa, Arya and Jon all talk about how Sansa and Arya don’t trust Daenerys. But why?!  Cause she’s not family.  Ooooo-kay? Jon argues that’s a pretty stupid reason (I agree), as you can’t go far in life if you don’t widen the circle of trust beyond your kin. When Arya remarks the four of them are the last of the Starks and they need to stick together, Jon says he isn’t really a Stark.  Both sisters tell him that they see Jon as their brother, not their half-bro or a bastard.  Jon’s face is all “Oh, crap.  Maaaan, do I need to get this out now???”  “Dude, it’s your call,” says Bran.  And then Jon spills the beans.  Or rather, he swears his sisters to secrecy and then makes Bran fill them in on the details of his true parents.  Sadly, we viewers don’t get to see that part, so I’m left to imagine Bran pulling out a powerpoint presentation with a venn diagram of two circles that say “People Jon is related to” and “People Jon has slept with.”

The Lannister bros are chilling in one of the parlors at Winterfell, when who should walk in, but Bronn of the Blackwater – crossbow in hand.  Tyrion and Jaime ask him what’s up and Bronn tells him of Cersei’s plan to have him assassinate the two of them for a handsome reward.  Only problem is that Bronn doubts Cersei will win the war against Daenerys, and then she won’t be able to pay up.  When Tyrion reminds Bronn of their mutual understanding that Tyrion will double any amount that Bronn is offered to kill him, they reach an agreement. Jaime and Tyrion can live, and at the end of it all, when Dany takes over as queen, Bronn gets to be Lord of Highgarden – formerly the home of House Tyrell.  I don’t really think Tyrion is in any position to make this offer, but it gets the job done and Bronn is out of the picture till the fighting is through.  He’s always wanted that Castle, and now he may actually get it.  Huzzah for Bronn!

Outside Winterfell, the Hound is on a solo ride, when Arya shows up on horseback and joins him. They both disclose that they are each headed to King’s Landing for some unfinished business with no intention of returning to Winterfell.  And since these two travel so well as a duo, they agree to make the trek together. When the Hound asks Arya if she’ll leave him to die again, should he get hurt she quips “Probobaly.”  He grins and they trot off side by side.  It’s such a good scene.  These two are #FriendshipGoals. My guess is the Hound means to kill his big Frankenbrother, the Mountain.  And Arya, obviously, must be planning to murder Queen Cersei.  Hopefully she’ll do it disguised as Jaime and give Cersei the shock of her life when she ends it.  

From the ramparts, Sansa watches Queen Dany take off with her dragons.  Tyrion approaches and asks “What’s wrong, Buttercup?  How come you don’t like my queenie?”  Sansa considers things for a while and then goes “What if I told you there was a better choice?” Ruh-roh, don’t trust Sansa with your secrets, y’all!  Gurl is savage when it comes to pushing her agenda.  It’s a calculated move on her part, but damn, that is a major betrayal to Jon. I wonder what it’ll do to their relationship.

In the courtyard, Jon is ready to hit the road and bids farewell to Tormund.  His wildling pal is over life south of the Wall, and plans to head back North once the winter storms calm down.  Jon tells him to take Ghost, too.  WTF, Jon!  Rude.  Sam and Gilly say goodbye and reveal that Gilly is preggers.  Yay, Sam will have a legit heir for House Tarly…I mean…if they tie the knot, I guess. They’d better hop to it.  Then Jon gets on his horse and trots off without so much as a belly rub or a pat on the head for poor Ghost who just looks at him like, “Wow.  Ok, so all those times I saved your ass, and protected your dead body and saved your friend AND then ran like a madwolf into a horde of Dead for you…that meant nothing? Screw you, Jon Snow.  P.S. I peed on your entire collection of hair ties. See ya never.”

Dany’s fleet is on the home stretch with Dragonstone in sight. Tyrion and Varys are aboard one of the ships and discuss Jon’s secret and what it means for the future of the realm. Varys questions Daenerys’ state of mind and Tyrion sticks up for her.  Grasping onto hope that Dany and Jon might be able to get married and rule in harmony, Varys shuts it down.  “He can’t marry his aunt, dude!  He’s from the North and that just ain’t cool.  You think his people would stand for that union?”  But Tyrion lobbies hard for Dany and tells Varys she needs guidance from her trusted advisors.  Varys just gives him resting eunuch face.

Above in the skies, Dany flies on Drogon while Rhaegal soars nearby and the dragons both shriek out happy dragon sounds at the sight of their home when…THWACK!  Out of nowhere a spear pierces Rhaegal’s chest.  And then another comes at him.  Holy moles!  Euron’s fleet has been lying in wait and each ship is outfitted with a giant dragon-killing spear launcher.  More shots are fired and Rhaegal gets it in the wing and goes down, crashing into the water below.  Dany is furious and steers Drogon straight at Euron – pure rage burning in her eyes. This is exactly what Euron wants.  He readies the next spear and aims it at her.  But when the spears are launched, Daenerys manages to dodge out of the way and changes course away from the reach of the weapons.  Next, Euron turns the spears on Dany’s fleet, completely destroying all her boats.   Survivors – including Tyrion and Grey Worm –make it ashore, but Grey Worm soon notices that Missandei is missing.

In King’s Landing, Cersei watches from her balcony as commoners file into the Red Keep – she plans to use them as human shields.  Should Daenerys try to lay fiery waste to Cersei and the Red Keep, she’ll have to do so at the expense of the death of several thousands of innocents.  Not a great way to gain the love of the masses, Dany. Euron is there, too, and confirms that Dany’s one dragon was killed.  Cersei smiles smugly and tells  Euron how their child will rule both the land and sea.  Nice way to break the news to him – even if it’s a lie.  Euron is delighted that he’s knocked her up and secured his spot as future king.  As Cersei saunters away, we see she’s taken Missandei as her prisoner.  Ugh, Cersei is such a ruthless biatch.  I don’t understand why she wants to be queen if she doesn’t give a crap about her subjects and hates to be an actual leader to her people.  Seriously, she should just go and be a filthy rich Real Housewife of Casterly Rock and day drink all the time – it would be so less stressful and her quality of life would improve immensely.  

In the War Room at Dragonstone, Daenerys, Varys, Grey Worm and Tyrion all discuss next steps.   Both Dany and Grey Worm are out for revenge and are driven by their emotions, due to Missandei being kidnapped.  Grew Worm pushes for them to storm the city with no regard for the thousands of civilians who will die in the process.  Varys advises strongly not to do this and Dany gets a frightning look in her eye as she says it’s her destiny to free the world from tyrants – no matter the cost.  Somebody call Alanis Morissette because we really need to work this into her “Ironic” song.  “It’s like killing 10,000 peeeeeeeps, so you can be their beloved queen…”

In the Dragonstone throne room, Varys and Tyrion are in for more hand-wringing as they discuss the Daenerys/Jon problem.  Ultimately, Varys has lost faith in the dragon queen and he’s ready to bet all his chips on Jon.  He questions her ability to keep a cool head and worries she’ll get more ruthless and impulsive with more power.  When Tyrion protests that Jon doesn’t even want to be king, and can’t they just rule together, Varys dismisses it as an option.  In the end, Tyrion chooses to stand by his queen and do what a good advisor SHOULD do.   Varys, however, is ready to board the treason train.  When Tyrion asks Varys what would become of Dany, Varys just give him a look.  “Don’t do it, dude.” – “I’ve made my choice – now you make yours”, says Varys.  Oh man.  We already know Varys is gonna bite it, due to Melisandre’s prediction last season. I’m betting Dany is going to find out about his plotting and have him killed.  

Word of Daenerys’s ambush is delivered to Sansa.  When Jaime approaches her, she fills him in and adds “I always wanted to see your sis get executed – looks like I won’t have the chance. Tsk, tsk.”  That evening, Jaime leaves Brienne’s warm bed and saddles up a horse in the courtyard.  When Brienne notices he’s gone, she runs outside and begs him to stay. She believes he intends to save Cersei from Dany’s wrath.  Jaime won’t be persuaded and he gallops off as Brienne sobs, heartbroken. Personally, I think he might just go and try to kill Cersei himself – because, prophecies.  That is, unless Arya beats him to it.  Oooh, maybe he’ll get to King’s Landing just in time to see Arya disguised as him…killing Cersei.  Whaaaaat?  Mind blown. It could happen.

Outside the walls of the Red Keep, Daenerys and Cersei have a parlay.  Cersei stands on her ramparts – which have several dragon-spearing weapons set up – along with Missandei and the Mountain.  Both Hands of the Queen, Qyburn and Tyrion, meet up.  Tyrion informs Qyburn that Dany demands Cersei’s unconditional surrender and that Missandei be released immediately.  Qyburn placidly parrots nearly the same demand back to Tyrion:  Cersei demands Daenerys’s unconditional surrender and if she doesn’t, Missandei will die on the spot.  As Tyrion attempts to reason with Qyburn, he can see it’s pointless and he bypasses him, trotting right up to the gates to talk to his sister directly.  

When Tyrion approaches, Cersei’s archers all pull back their bows, ready to shoot him and oh my goodness, I’m so worried that Tyrion is about to get killed!  Cersei raises her hand, and after a good long moment of  trepidation, she gives her men the signal to stand down.  Whew!  Tyrion appeals to Cersei’s one good side – her loving nature as a mother – and he tells her she and her child don’t have to die if they cut a deal.  She can end her rule, and still have a great life with her child.  But Cersei ain’t having it.  She walks over to Missandei, who stands dangerously close to the edge of the wall. Cersei leans in and places a hand on her arm – is she going to push her?! Will she release her?! Nah, instead she tells Missandei this is her chance for some final words.  Ugh! WHY?  Missandei tearfully stares out at her Queen and Grey Worm and in a cracked voice calls out “DRACARYS!” The Mountain draws his sword and in one fell blow, chops off Missandei’s head while Daenerys looks on in helpless horror.  Her shock turns into pure simmering rage as Daenerys turns away and storms off.  And roll credits.

Ruh to the roh! This episode was rough! Poor Missandei. And poor Grey Worm!  I mean, I did assume one of them was going to die by the end of the series, but my money was on Grey Worm.  RIP Missandei!  I’m so upset that Daenerys is losing her most trusted people who love and support her completely.  I’m not happy at all that the show really seems to be setting her up for a total Mad Queen downward spiral.  Say it ain’t so.

I can’t say I really liked this episode, though I guess it was a necessary one to get all the pieces into place for the last two episodes.  I found it hopped all over the place to get as much stuff in as possible and tie up lots of characters’ stories.   I just hate all the things Dany did in this episode and it feels like a total betrayal to the viewer, if I may say so.  They just had her be this pouty, impulsive and manipulative person who makes a lot of dumb choices. If this is all meant to lay the groundwork to make her seem more and more power hungry and unstable, then well-done, but it doesn’t seem true to her nature at all and feels a bit like a cop out. Unless the writers just WANT us to believe they are going down that track and then they’ll surprise us all. Ahhh, the GOT mind games are messing with me.

Also, I really hope Arya gets to kill Cersei and I’m thinking maybe she’ll even help the Hound kill his bro – because Cleganebowl is starting to look like a sure thing here, right?  I kinda feel like Arya will die by the end of the series, because all four Stark siblings can’t possibly survive, can they?

I’m getting super excited for the big battle episode next week and I’m hoping it doesn’t leave me as disappointed as “The Long Night” in its resolution.  Hang in there, friends, and I’ll see ya next week!

[canaryatlaw]

OKAY. well today was pretty sweet. I had my alarm set for 10:00 am but ended up waking up at 9:42 am and just said fuck it and got up. I checked my messages and as expected I had a message from Jess asking about getting brunch and then confirmed our plans for the rest of the day. I got dressed and we met up at the spot, which had more people around it than usual because the place that’s right there was doing a branding makeover and I got a free sample of pie so that was cool lol. we went to the vegetarian place for brunch, and while we were eating it started snowing which is super fucking annoying because it’s the fucking END OF APRIL we shouldn’t have to still be dealing with this lol. we had some autographs to mail out and the ups store is right next to the vegetarian place so we ended up going there once we finished eating and mailed the two domestic ones, I have the international one that I’ll mail from the post office on Monday because ups has an international surcharge that would’ve made it super fucking expensive to mail from the ups store. once that was done we walked back through the snow to where Jess had parked her car and started our journey for the day. we were heading up to the suburbs because Jess had managed to get some emissions check thing get lit up in her car because she tried to top off the gas but apparently her gas tank is very sensitive (it’s one of those that doesn’t have an actual cap to it) and according to the internet it was something about a software error that was recalled because of it so basically we had to bring it up to the dealership so they could fix that, hopefully for free, and that is what ended up happening, we brought it in and told them what was going on, they took a look and confirmed what they had to do, so we waited for like 45 minutes or so (I wasn’t actually keeping track of the time but it was around there) until it was done and we were good to go. It had overall taken less time than we’d expected, but we moved on to the next part of our plans, which was late lunch at the cheesecake factory, then we would return to actually get cheesecake after we saw the movie that evening. Since it was, you know, lunch time, we could get the lunch sized version of the pastas we always get to which I was like wow I could actually finish this! and then my acid reflux kicked into high gear for no particular reason and I was like okay I can not in fact finish this, so sadly I didn’t end up eating all that much of it. The movie showing we had tickets to wasn’t until 5 and at that point it was only a little after 2 so we checked to see if we could get tickets to any earlier showing, but they were all sold out, so we just had to kill some time. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue since there’s a whole mall there, but given that it was still snowing and it’s an outdoor mall made it a bit trickier. but we started at forever 21 as always since it was right there and had big signs for sale lol. we each ended up getting something from their buy one get one free clearance, Jess got this hideous jacket (she enjoys ugly clothing) and I got a somewhat equally hideous (as do I sometimes) cardigan along with a pair of floral pants that I saw and knew I needed in my life, then when we were going to check out there was a pair of “avo-cat-o” socks, which had an avocado with a cat peeking through where the pit would be on them so of course we had to get those, and then we picked up a bag of hi-chew at the counter. Once we checked out there we walked around a bit and went into a few stores in search of sunglasses, and ultimately ended up each getting a pair from Francesca’s. We continued to wander for a bit and got bubble tea at some point (where I could confirm I have the legit stuff they actually use, so that was validating) then waited for the movie theatre to start letting people into the theatre for our showing. In case you haven’t figured it out by now, of course we’re seeing Avengers Endgame, THIS POST FROM HERE ON WILL CONTAIN ENDGAME SPOILERS, I WILL TRY TO TAG IT WITH EVERYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY BLACKLIST BUT READ ON FROM HERE AT YOUR OWN RISK. We got some popcorn and waited in the fancy theatre for it to start. Overall reaction, I liked it a lot, I really wasn’t crazy about Infinity War so I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about this but I ended up liking it a lot. I thought it was a very good choice narratively to have Thanos get offed way at the beginning of the movie (to be fair to Thor, if I were him I probably would’ve chopped Thanos’ head off as soon as they got in the door, so I can’t really blame him) and then focus the movie on bringing everyone back, only to bring him back in the end, that was good storytelling IMO. THAT HAIRCUT THOUGH, I was dying, just looking at it like I. NEED. THIS. that haircut spoke to me okay lol, my hair is longer than it’s been in like three years right now but it’s not going to last very much longer. I probably can’t get that exact haircut because, you know, work shit, but I’m sure we could figure something out. I was kinda disappointed that she wasn’t in more of the movie, her presence in the beginning was perfect, I was dying when they were like “where are you going?” and she’s just like “to kill Thanos, I’ll let you know when I’m done” so nonchalantly and perfect and like, the scenes of her coming through the atmosphere and everything was so damn cool and GAH I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I had gotten spoiled, willingly though because I don’t really care about these things, as to the two major character deaths of the remaining alive characters, but that definitely did not make it any easier to see. MORGAN STARK IS SO FUCKING PRECIOUS I would die for her and also I’m so fucking glad they didn’t have Cassie Lang get dusted because I would’ve been pissed about that, Scott coming back from the quantum realm and finding her five years later was so damn emotional, it killed me. I appreciated them finding Thor in what was clearly filmed in a coastal new england town, getting fat and playing video games, lol. I know of course him looking fat was fake, but it looked so damn funny. I do take issue with several of the choices they made with how the time traveling was working because there were definitely quite a few logic jumps in there that went unexplained, but for the most part I’ll give them a pass for not wanting to get too into the nitty-gritty of it all. Their journeys into the past were interesting, the New York trip was great and everything involving Loki, I was fucking dying when Cap was just whispered “heil Hydra” and they just totally handed over this huge weapon to him 😂that was pretty funny. Then there was their trip to the 70′s, which messed with me that 1945 would only have been 25 years prior to 1970, like that kinda blows my mind lol. Tony’s whole conversation with his dad was so damn precious, I was like ready to cry at any given point really, and then there was Steve getting into Peggy’s office and watching her and not doing anything and I was like UGH you’re killing me Rogers lol but at least they got back to that at the end. Then there was Clint and Natasha on the planet with the soul stone that randomly featured red skull?? not sure where he came from. that whole sequence was so fucking heartbreaking, they really did it so well, and I definitely cried when they were literally trying to jump off the cliff before the other because they didn’t want the other person to sacrifice themselves, but in the end Nat gave her life because Clint had his family to get back to and man I had all the feels. Then of course there was our third team with Rhodey, Nebula, and Rocket, who end up tying Thanos back into the plot again, which was interesting but ultimately well done I think. When they all got back to the Avengers headquarters and Nat wasn’t there I was like 😭this is so damn sad. but then of course they’re able to have Hulk!Banner snap and you just get the first hints of it working before they immediately get launched into a huge battle. Not gonna lie, for a while there it was looking like they were really fucking screwed when they had armies upon armies ready to fight them, BUT THEN THAT SCENE where everyone comes back god I was crying, it was so fucking perfectly done I just cried at all of it, getting to see everyone back like that in such a triumphant way was too damn great. I liked that when Captain Marvel showed back up she was legit able to take on Thanos and literally had to be stopped by the full power of an infinity stone. I ultimately liked how they did it with the stones going to Tony while you didn’t realize it until Thanos snapped and you see all of them with Tony, and he then snaps and all of them turn to dust and just like, it was so great. Now of course I knew Tony was going to go, but I was glad it was ultimately the most heroic thing that really saved the day, he truly went out as a hero that saved literally everyone in our universe, which is really quite the achievement. The funeral scene killed me of course, especially with the little girl, but you know she’s gonna grow up surrounded by all these awesome people and she’s gonna end up being just fine. I was at least glad they put the stones back in where they were taking from, even if their time travel theory was flawed in a few parts. Cap coming back as an old man after having lived his life with Peggy was so damn good, I cried just because it was all so damn good and pure. And of course we had Peter meeting back up with Ned which was the cutest damn thing really. and yeah, I guess that’s it. I did like it a lot and will probably watch it again at some point once it’s available outside of theatres. Once we had confirmed there was no post credit scenes (thanks internet) we headed out and walked back through the snow (because it was still snowing like 10 hours after it started!!!) to the cheesecake factory where we ended up doing apps and dessert, except we didn’t get quite through our apps and ended up taking the cheesecake home with us. We split the fried mac and cheese balls and Jess got a salad, and I got their grilled artichoke which I’ve had before and is always really good, but takes forever to actually eat (so many layers!!) so I ended up taking some of that home too. Thankfully the snow hadn’t managed to stick to the roads much at all so the drive home was mostly safe. Jess dropped me at my place after she was convinced it wouldn’t be covered in snow (they’re bad about plowing the side streets, but none of the snow ended up sticking on the roads so it was ok), I put my stuff down and then grabbed my pajamas to get in the shower and get ready for bed and then started writing this, and now I’m here. It’s 12:34 am and I did volunteer to take a shift in the babies’ room at church tomorrow morning so I should definitely be getting to bed now. Goodnight loves. Hope you had an awesome Saturday.

[lyricsbylincoln]

-̗̀ —   “ i come bearing edible encouragement. ”  lincoln moves to set the cooke tray onto the countertop, but he can so much as blink, whole thing clatters to the ground. a musical laugh bubbles past upturned lips. “ crap. clearly, i am incapable of being slick. so now we’ll just have to make due with encouragement of the verbal variety, huh? ”

or alternatively :  whaddup, my dudes !!  it is linc comin’ atchu with my songwriter beb #2, LINCOLN MONROE .  you know what to do! don’t forget to like, subscribe, and leave a comment below !

(KEIYNAN LONSDALE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) i hear LINCOLN MONROE has a link to ALL OF THE BANDS. the TWENTY-FOUR year old is a SONGWRITER, apparently. he's so PACIFIC and CHATOYANT, but can also be kind of TRACTABLE and INGENUOUS. i hope he finds success with the band. i'm kinda interested in hearing more about them. 

gonna format this v simply in bullets this time, since i have to leave for work relatively soon & i wanna get it out here!

lincoln grew up in upstate new york after being adopted by kirsten & peter monroe when he was just an infant. they provided a very stable, lovely home. like?? his mother was the unofficial Neighborhood Mom. all the kids were always at the monroe household, sippin’ kool aids, snackin’ on homemade cookies. kirsten monroe is literally the ultimate affectionate, beautiful soul. in fact, when lincoln was 4, she convinced her husband to adopt lincoln’s adopted sister after her family was killed in a housefire three towns over. she’s about six months older than him, and honestly would be a lovely addition to the rp if y’all wanted to bring her in? essentially after the monroes adopted her, she and lincoln grew positively inseparable. 

lincoln expressed an interest in dance by the time he turned 5, so his parents eagerly enrolled him in dance lessons! pretty soon he hopped studios to a competitive school and began competing in contemporary/ballet dance competitions.

then came a full-ride scholarship to a performing arts high school in new york city. his parents weren’t going to say no  ( the monroe’s are characteristic people-pleasers )  so they made the three-hour drive to the city & dropped lincoln off for his first year. many tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, and his mother made lincoln promise not to forget about them back home. he’d skype them every freakin’ night.

at this school, lincoln became captain of the contemporary / hip hop dance team. they took national and international titles like they were kids in a candy store. this squad was insane. and with lincoln’s choreo, the awards just kept on coming. after he graduated, lincoln auditioned for the traveling cast of the wiz and snagged an ensemble role. he traveled with the cast for seven months until he decided it was time to put down some roots on the west coast.

at this point, all was well at home. he continued his daily contact with his family, and the monroe group chat was always booming. so lincoln didn’t think to suspect anything was going on at home beyond the usual. his mother spoke about neighborhood baking parties; his father spoke about the work he was doing at the state house as attorney general. all was well.

( tw: illness, hospitals, terminal diagnoses )  the phone call came on the eve before his 21st birthday, after the opening night performance of rent at los angeles theater. kirsten was in the hospital. she’d collapsed while helping to set up for the local church’s benefit concert. his father wouldn’t disclose much information beyond that lincoln should not fly home. against his better judgment, lincoln finished out the two-week run of rent before booking a ticket back to new york. he expected his mother to be out of the hospital by that time, and she’d indicated as much over the phone.

when lincoln’s plane touched down, no one was there to pick him up. kirsten was back in the er -- but lincoln only found that out by pressuring his sister until she caved and told him what was really going on:  three months ago, kirsten had been diagnosed with stage 3 leukemia. and no one in the family had thought to give lincoln a proper notice. 

kirsten was in and out of treatment for several years, reaching short periods of remission before her levels went awry again. lincoln visited home when he could, but once he began booking more consistent jobs, the cross-country flights became more difficult. he still talks on the phone to his mother each and every day, and will absolutely cancel plans to check in on her if need be.

i imagine he started songwriting as side thing, something to post online for fun back in college while he was studying composition? and his youtube channel probably gained lots of steam. following one of his larger runs in the la theatre scene, he was probably approached about entering a professional contract for a song for one of the groups. and he was probably elated about the prospect. 

since then, he’s been contracted for all of the groups, with pieces ranging from pandemonium’s chaotic rock to dream tsunami’s sunny electro-pop vibe. lincoln plays a grand total of twelve instruments & he’s always generating new material.

in addition to songwriting for these groups, he’s also an up-and-coming solo artist himself!! he performs at open mics, local coffee shops, etc. while also uploading things to youtube/soundcloud and performing in la-based theatre productions!

lincoln is ebullient -- his presence practically effervesces wherever he is. he’s always ready to shine, as cliché as that might be. he’s just got this heart full of love and joy and optimism and he’s eager to share.

currently has bleach-blonde hair, because it’s super cool. 

so speaking of that popular youtube channel! there, he’ll post choreographed routines to his favorite songs, little covers, original pieces, and vlogs with the bands he works with. fans probably eat it up and constantly ask for more.

his dancing. gah.  this boy just loses himself in it. catch him at a bjéar concert all-out contemporary/interpretive dancing in the crowd. frick, music just.... consumes him.

his favorite color is green!! why?? does he need to have a reason???

he takes his coffee with whipped coconut cream on top, garnished with a dash of nutmeg & cinnamon. he always gets lil whipped cream mustaches, and he’ll apologize every time.

apologizes a shit ton. will apologize for apologizing, and then apologize for doing so. it’s a spiral. someone stop him.

he’s all easy smiles & spring breezes, the cleared air after rain. it’s very difficult to get him angry, and some people ( cough nikolai cough ) find that absolutely infuriating.

cannot hide when he falls in love.

falls in love once every 30 seconds.

absolutely goes to florist shops to check in on the owners, ask about their favorite memories, and smell the roses. maybe he accidentally nose boops the flowers sometimes. it’s okay. it’s all part of the experience.

allergic to shellfish & negative vibes !!!

speaks fluent french. bonjour, my dudes

blushes v easily !!  will duck his head and smile so wide. compliment him & watch the magic

lowkey voiced prince naveen in the princess and the frog ... ribbit

some examples of original work he’s performed in the area / uploaded online:    x    x    x    x     x       

lincoln is that friend who’ll show up for you, even at 4am, with takeout and a shoulder to lean on. going through a bad time? he’s the one you should call.

lowkey fashion icon ???  let him take you thrifting.

if you get sound bite previews, you’re one of The Trusted Few.

at berklee, he was lauded by his professors and fellow students -- there’s a reason this guy can write so diversely. he’s virtuosic. he’s not afraid to make major leaps. catch him tossing unconventional chords into conventional genres, because the music industry needs a spark and he feels honored to be able to contribute.

you know how some people give birthday letters or cards? lincoln writes original birthday songs. every year. yep.

volunteers at a local dog shelter.

i would love a roomie for him? pls?

i seriously want all the connections so pls hmu on discord or here!! ily all sorry this is such trash on a stick

[poemsfromthealley]

“A Window Into An Empty Room” first impressions

(SPOILERS FOR SH EPISODE 3.06)

I didn't manage to do bullet points of 3.05 last week---it was a great episode, I loved it and I had many feelings---so I'm stealing a bit of my sleep to say something about 3.06, on which I was a lot more ambivalent. The season started out so strong that this ep, which would've felt solid in season 2, feels like a dip in quality. There's some delightful moments but the ep overflows with storylines. Say, Simon & Heidi could've waited until next week.

Magnus and Alec have the best relationship drama, your OTP could never

to wit: gut-wrenching yet hilariously relatable argument over How To Relationship, with Magnus being philosophical and wise and Alec getting so frustrated, god, how annoying is it when your significant other insists on Being Rational about everything? They're coming at the problem from such different angles that they're not even talking about the same problem, gah. Magnus can't see Alec's am I enough for you? just as Alec misses the fact that he is already irreplaceable to Magnus. Gahhh!

(also I would like to thank the show and also Jesus for Alexander Lightwood uttering the phrase "sowing his oats" on my television screen)

Magnus and Clary are so lovely. I'm glad she is smart and goes to him for advice; I'm glad he throws himself wholeheartedly into the problem AND puzzles out Lilith's visit and the soul-stealing. And he calls her "biscuit" again, I AM LIVING

the actress playing Heidi still completely oversells her lines. Poor Alberto Rosende tries to hold her up in every scene but no, I'm sorry, I can't get into this

the Lightwood family outing at the Hunter's Moon is everything, though, seriously, is this the only bar in Brooklyn Manhattan?

Izzy, Izzy, when inviting your very mundane date to the family get-together, please get the cover story straight? Nice save from Maryse, though

overall Maryse makes my heart hurt and also has mad chemistry with Luke in that two minutes they're together in this ep

this week, the part of Jace is played by robo-Jace. I... am not a huge fan of how they chose to portray his possession, or how everyone keeps reacting to his being "cured"

(also I know it’s par for the course for Lilith’s villain archetype to be sexually creepy but I could have done without her being sexually creepy to Jace)

apparently the monotone is contagious: while Kat McNamara is usually solid, her surprise in the final scene falls flat as a flat thing. It doesn't help that the scene is cut super messily and loses tension way before the reveal (that the audience already knows at that)

oh shit, Ollie! No no no, she's already been adopted by Luke, I will not stand for this. It also looks like Charlie might still be in the danger zone, since they both had the yellow glow of goodness

Kyle continues to be adorable yet v. shady. Awaiting further developments!

did they have to do the “Shadowhunters only love once” shtick from the books? Really? It doesn’t even bear out in the show canon. What about Jocelyn? What about Luke, if they’re setting him up with Maryse? I was sorta hoping they just wouldn’t mention this, because they’ve been good about building natural-feeling romances, however quick their pace has been (hush, we do not think about the timeline. There is no timeline). This one fated true love thing doesn’t gel with that at all. I’m not fond of it as a storytelling element, overall, and if it were a major component of the Shadowhunter psyche, as it were, mentioning it this late seems weird. Underhill’s line could as well have been about some cultural aspect: for example, that Shadowhunters tend to commit quickly (as opposed to Magnus wanting/being used to a slower pace)?

I still want to talk about 3.05 in more detail so watch this space

[maychorian]

Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #47

I am probably going to do two of these this week to catch up on all my recs before the new season drops, so hold onto your hats. I’ve been reading a lot of fics, just haven’t been posting them because I’m lazy and easily distracted.

Rules: You can find past weekly rec lists here, and non-list recs in my general fic rec tag. Also follow @maychorianrecs for individually tagged posts, the easier to search and reblog. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

Shadows of Stars by squirenonny Words: 11,030 (1/42) Author’s Summary: The paladins have dealt a major blow to Zarkon’s empire. Reunited with their families and stronger than ever, they’re ready to launch a counter-offensive. But to do so, they need more allies. Allies like the fabled New Altea and their spy ring, the Accords. But Zarkon isn’t about to sit idly by as his enemies gather their strength. He means to put an end to the Voltron Coalition once and for all–and this war is about to get personal.[Season 3 of Voltron: Duality] [Updates Mondays] My Comments: DUALITY IS BACK! I’m so excited, ahh, one chapter in and still amazing, of course, not that I expected anything else. I’ve been reccing this fic since we were only a quarter of the way into the first volume, and the AU has expanded immensely since then. I will keep reccing it until squirenonny quits writing it, so hopefully never. It’s so good, so amazing. Obviously you should start at the beginning, and I don’t want to spoil anything with a detailed review here, but just… Take my words for it. You will not regret the investment of time to devour this masterpiece. There are lots of romantic relationships, but the focus is on the team as a whole and the war, which is incredibly well thought-out and executed. Everything is good.

Equinox by vacant houses (the_lost_robot) Words: 4,862 Author’s Summary: There’s an entire universe inside the Black Lion. There’s a ghost in the Black Lion’s cockpit. OR: the path back home is never straightforward. My Comments: Fascinating and heartbreaking exploration of the concept of Shiro as the “white paladin.” A beautiful read.

One Step Closer by wilyasha Words: 8,142 Author’s Summary: Her father is more rigid, more cruel, and she cannot stomach the thought of him destroying Altea. My Comments: I’m usually not much for fics centered on an OC, and this one is about Zarkon’s never-mentioned-in-canon daughter, which is usually a sign of shenanigans. But this is good. Really good. Reading it is a great experience, though painful and heartbreaking set as it is right before the destruction of Altea. Give it a shot.

Someday by akaashikeijis Words: 1,223 Author’s Summary: Shiro is tired and they know. My Comments: I love fics where everyone just surrounds a hurting character and does everything they can to make it better. It’s good for Shiro to get a turn.

The Poster by GlowwormiK Words: 5,199 Author’s Summary: The story of how Varkon, a policeman, managed to meet the Emperor and receivd the poster we saw in his office.Inspired by this awesome art: http://aminoapps.com/page/voltron-legendary-defenders/7445245/varkon-dream-come-true . Written for https://platonicvldmonth.tumblr.com/, but i cannot wait to post it right now. My Comments: As much as I love and will never tire of the familiar fanfic tropes of some character I love being hurt and then comforted, there’s something I love even more about fanfiction, and that’s when a story can make me feel something NEW, something I never expected. Especially for a character who is basically a one-off joke in-universe. I mean, did you ever expect to read a Varkon-centric fic? Did you ever expect to read about a Voltron Galra mall cop saving the day and meeting his hero and just being the sweetest, humblest, most genuinely GOOD guy you’ve ever met in fiction? Well, here’s your chance. Read this fic. It will make you feel things. It made me feel so much, and I am truly grateful for the experience. Just a great, wonderful thing that you will find nowhere else. Unique and memorable.

At Rest (Five Miles Behind the Front) by Mytay Words: 19,258 Author’s Summary: Shiro is no longer the Black Paladin. He is no longer the commander of Team Voltron. He is a soldier without a purpose and a leader without a legion at his back.Lance is a seventh wheel. He is not fit to be a leader, and perhaps not even fit to be a Paladin. Or, in which two Paladins of Voltron learn their true worth, and finally, there is well-earned rest. My Comments: This has everything I love, ahh, I love it, instant favorite. Shiro angst, Lance angst, both of them trying to sacrifice themselves for the other and then trying to convince each other that they’re worthwhile and important. Not to be that person, but it kind of reminds me of my own fic, Boom Crash the Sound of My Ship, except in a post-Season Three context where it feels amazingly in-canon and in-character. I’m so glad it’s so long, too. Utterly satisfying read. I’ll be enjoying it again, probably more than once.

Full Capacity by spitfire00 Words: 863 Author’s Summary: The healing pods are full. The paladins are bloody and bruised. Shiro helps ease their aches and pains. My Comments: Just so cute, gah, Shiro is the best. Everyone needs a Shiro in their lives.

the shuffle of crabs by againstmygreeleaf Words: 12,253 Author’s Summary: Dinner is loud in all but volume. Shiro and Keith don’t show. Allura keeps trying to help by saying sentimental things that don’t help at all. It grinds on Lance’s nerves but he’s too drained to tune her out. He just lets her words unintentionally pelt his battered heart like stones, and watches the subtle way her hands shake as she spoons up her goo instead of trying to eat his own. Pidge eats hers, but it’s all automatic. She starts crying midway through the meal and doesn’t seem to notice. My Comments: I don’t write major character death. I rarely read it. Awhile ago someone asked me how I would write it, if I did, and I described exactly this scenario. Hunk dies at the beginning of the fic, and the rest of it is about the others learning to navigate their grief and finding some means of continuing on even in the face of this utter devastation. I’m glad this has already been written, by an author I trust absolutely, so I don’t have to do it. It’s gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. But yeah, Hunk dies, and it’s brutal and unfair and hits like a rocket to the midsection. Don’t read if you can’t handle that. I almost couldn’t.

Scent by Red_Dead Words: 1,400 Author’s Summary: Lance has taken something from Allura and she’s not to happy about it. My Comments: Aw, poor Allura. Lance really didn’t mean to hurt her like that. I love that it ends with bonding.

The Sleeping Habits of Humans (Far From Home) by hulklinging Words: 1,618 Author’s Summary: Pidge doesn’t sleep much. Neither does anyone else, really. No, Lance, annoying her to death will not make her more rested. My Comments: I love Lance figuring out why Pidge can’t sleep and gently bullying her into resting. He’s so smart and kind.

The Rain is Gone by isabeau25 Words: 5,066 Author’s Summary: Keith has a bad night, but it ends well. My Comments: Another part of a super lovely and relaxing platonic coffee shop AU. Poor Keith is having a rough life, and you can really feel Shiro’s grief and frustration for him. But he’s in a good place now, with cats and sunlight and people who care. It’s a great read.

The Packrat by VelkynKarma for maychorian Words: 11,519 Author’s Summary: While the paladins of Voltron fight a war that spans galaxies, Coran has a more personal war going on right under their noses in the Castle of Lions. My Comments: Even if this wasn’t a gift for me based on my prompt, I would still rec it. I was grinning the whole way through this fic and laughed aloud several times. Coran is so good and he deserves more fics where he’s the protagonist, and he and Lance teaming up was delightful. Fun, fun stuff.

Empty by Bandity Words: 21,248 Author’s Summary: The sequel to A Lonely Mind. You should read that first. Inner strength waxes and wanes. Lance finds himself facing his inner demons again when he begins having issues with his antidepressants. My Comments: Everything Bandity writes is amazing, and this one is no exception. This one is just about life, how it doesn’t stop no matter how much we want it to, and sometimes things don’t easier, they don’t go away. Everyone struggles, everyone needs to be accepted and loved. There are good days and bad days, hopefully more than good than bad, but all we have is each other. It’s great.

give out to give in by tyrellis Words: 20,198 Author’s Summary: So typical. So fucking typical, that Lance is the youngest and worst of his siblings, and then the kids come along and he isn’t even the cutest anymore, and he only made fighter pilot because perfect fucking Keith dropped out and even when he piloted a lion he didn’t have a thing like the others, and now he can’t even have Blue. Maybe he was the one to suggest it, but he was barrelling towards this point all along; rock fucking bottom. When it becomes clear that Allura is a better pilot than him, Lance steps down as the Blue Paladin. It is, after all, the obvious decision. Lance is, and has always been, the afterthought. But who needs an afterthought? My Comments: Langst done right. Warning for attempted suicide. Lance’s depression and downward spiral feel realistic and understandable, and the emotional scenes are absolutely perfect. Klance at the end, and even that didn’t put me off. It was cute without being overpowering, and the romance wasn’t used as something to “fix” Lance, but a natural outgrowth of their development together.

All Sorted Out by genericfanatic Words: 3,135  Author’s Summary: Lance is so excited for his first day of Hogwarts, and looks forward to getting sorted into one of the four houses! His sorting doesn’t go quite as planned, however. My Comments: Absolutely adorable Harry Potter AU in which the hat stalls forever in sorting Lance, because he has qualities that would make him do well in any of the houses. Later, naturally, he worries that he doesn’t really belong anywhere, but his friends help him see differently. 

Conversation in Blue by FroldGapp Words: 1,414 Author’s Summary: Lance talks to Shiro about his ‘Keith problem’. My Comments: I love that Lance actually takes steps to understand why he and Keith sometimes rub each other the wrong way. Going to Shiro for insight is exactly the right move. Keith and Lance could be such good friends, but their backgrounds and methods of communication make it difficult, sometimes. Lance is a sweetheart for trying.

Tambourine Man by oldmythologies for SassafrassRex (Serbajean) Words: 1,166 Author’s Summary: “They knew his path well. They winked in front of him as a guide as Shiro swallowed his yawn, feet dragging. He was tired; he knew he was tired. Going to bed wouldn’t fix it; he didn’t sleep there either. There he was alone, without even the lights to keep him company. In bed, he had to close his eyes, to trap himself between his ears. It wasn’t a fun place to be. Better to make sure everyone else slept well than to waste time being afraid of the dark.” A commission for sassafrassrex <3 My Comments: Really sweet comfort fic with Shiro and Black.

Don’t Let Me Be Gone by Cocopops1995 Words: 1,402 Author’s Summary: Lance comforts Keith after watching Keith’s paladin vlog. My Comments: Really sweet. Angsty, hurty fics that end with cuddling are my favorite.

Keep Them Galra Rollin (Rawhide) by Demenior for Serbajean Words: 1,377 Author’s Summary: Sendak, Shiro, ‘n Ulaz have crashed on a jungle-y Death World, and they’ve got till sundown to speed-run their way to a safe pickup location to rendezvous with a ship. They’re all grown men who are working together to take down the Galra empire (some more willingly than others), which means they’re over the whole ‘yeah i tortured and killed you that one time’ thing. Totally over it. It’s all in the past. Hint: it’s not [a birthday gift for Sassafrassrex] My Comments: The possibilities of this setup are fun to contemplate. A little on the dark side, but nothing wrong with that.

Steady Footing by SilverMoon53 Words: 3,735 Author’s Summary: Pidge is good at many things. Coding, robotics, and sneaking into enemy bases to steal information, are all quite high on that list. People, however, are not one of the things she’s good at. Or Keith has a panic attack while on a mission. Pidge has an… interesting way of making sure he gets out alive. My Comments: Very angsty exploration of Pidge and Keith and their trauma. I’m glad they eventually shared with each other.

A Bland Night Across Space And Time by genericfanatic Words: 4,156 Author’s Summary: Across the universe, people have a night in. A reward fic for getting 1,000 followers for my blog Bland Voltron Headcanons My Comments: Bit of a dizzying trip across time and space, but fun to read.

Not Just Another Mall Trip by Eastofthemoon Words: 1,519 Author’s Summary: Lance, Hunk and Pidge see many different kinds of aliens at the space mall, but when they catch a spy they discover something they never expected to see there. My Comments: Really fun little canon-divergence AU with a very different way to bring the gang together. Everyone is adorable.

Previously Recced Fics That Updated:

Water and Blood (30658 words) As Color Fades Away (171897 words) The Ones Who Were Left Behind (58391 words) In Sickness and Health (19550 words)  - complete Ten Days (71938 words) Truce (186702 words) The Field of Blood (26588 words) Words Fail (27376 words) - complete Gate Keeper (100127 words) I'm not the Lance You think I am (67010 words)

[khirsahle]

oh wow, reading through this list there are at least ten questions i want to know the answer to, however i will prioritize / as someone keen on writing myself, i would like to know (if you have time) what you do for inspiration (nº 9), why you started (nº 15), self-advice (nº 17) and what your major stylistic influences are (nº 18) / have a nice day tomorrow / P.S. oh, 23 & 24 are really fun questions, too

Hello! (Andwelcome back, Anons!

9) what, if anything, do you do forinspiration?

I read asmuch as possible, but not within afandom/kind of genre I’m writing. So for instance if I am writing Dragon AgeHawke/Fenris, I try not to read much Hawke/Fenris, but I may read, oh…StarGateAtlantis. This lets me think critically about how characters are written andstories are unfolded without getting caught up in my own head or (even worse)accidentally yoink something for my own use. It can be scarily easy tointernalize an idea and think it’s your own.

I alsolisten to music a lot. I find thatmusic can make me experience emotions that I then unfold into characters.

I play videogames, as weird as that sounds. This is especially true for games with richstory and beautiful scenery. They can bring out emotions in you and sparkthematic ideas you want to explore within your own writing. My tendency towardvideo games and sci fi tv shows is how I know I’m absolutely obsessed with found family narratives, for instance.

Also?Weirdly? Documentaries. I mean, life is strange, and seeing how differentpeople live it—as well as how they talk, how they interact, how they see andexperience the world differently than you do—can really influence your writing.

15) why did you start writing?

This isusually a really dull answer, honestly, because it almost always is, “Because Ihad to.” Born storytellers always seem to have all these stories inside thatare just dying to get out. For me it was that, but it was also “Because Iwanted to know first.” Writing becamea way to grapple with ideas or emotions I was having a difficult time workingout, and I wanted to be able to pin them down and understand them before anyoneelse. It was a really selfish and self-involved instinct that got me intowriting, which I think is still reflected in some of my work. Many of mystrongest characters tend to inward-focus to the Nth degree because they’re myavenue still for exploring ideas I want to figure out.

17) if you could give your fledgling authorself any advice, what would it be?

Don’t walkaway and let your writing go fallow for so long. Keep going, keep working atit, and trust your instincts. Even when they’re terrible (seriously, stoptrying to write for shock value and focus on what you actually care about—those stories suck because your motivations areall wrong), they’re going to teach you something.

Also, have asecond pen name ready so you can leave behind your old name and emerge as anadult on the internet without cringing a little every time you remember thecrap still out there. Also, also, don’t name yourself after a Dragonlancecharacter, you dolt.

18) were there any works you read that affectedyou so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

YES. My twobiggest influences are Guy Gavriel Kay and (…I know this is really strange)Stephen King.

Guy GavrielKay is not afraid to pull punches. He is an emotional writer, and he will takeyou on a journey. Visually, he’s stunning. Someday I’d love to be like him.

Stephen King…youknow, for all the crap—and believe me, I know there is lots of crap—he’s gotthis way of writing people,especially complicated people, that makes them understandable. Even if you don’tlike them, you get them. He also has this way with mundanity that…transcends?It’s hard to explain. I’m not there, but I see a LOT of his influence in workslike Space Oddity.

Also, helikes to navel-gaze and I am infamous for navel-gazing. So there’s that.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feelhave helped your writing?

…yes. I wasin love with my best friend in middle school. Like. In love. And I’m pretty sure she was in love with me, too. Butbecause we didn’t really have the full understanding of what that all meantyet, we weren’t sure how to express it in a healthy way. We created theseextended fantasy worlds that we lived in, exploring abandoned houses and deepinto the forest and cypress swamps. It was all very Bridge to Terabithia,except with two young proto-dykes.

I won’t gointo the specifics of the falling out, but we had a terrible falling out that revolved around essentially frustratedlove and the new distance that got introduced when I had to move, plus a newfriend that she met after I moved. Wejust had no idea how to deal with howwe felt, and this new friend had no idea how to deal with me as such animportant part of her new BFFs life (she couldn’t “replace” me because she wasn’tthe romantic object I was, but she didn’t realize that was what made me more “special”than her, and gah, it was just a pre-teen clusterfuck), so when I was visitingover the summer, she arranged for us to have a poetry reading. We all gatheredtogether, and she made this big show of asking if I would read my old BFFs/love’spoem. My old BFF said it would mean a lot to her if I did, so of course, beingstill madly in love even if everything was getting so messy and complicated, Igot up in front of all of our friends and happily read her poem.

…I realizedabout halfway through that the poem was about me. And it wasn’t very nice at all. The new BFF was gleefullyleaning forward, eating it all up. The old BFF/love, was watching me coldly.And I just stared her down and read her poem as if it were a breakup anthem…which,essentially, it was. The thing was, all of our friends got to watch meexperience our painful breakup in real time, and it remains one of the mostemotionally fraught moments of my life. That kind of deliberate cruelty fromsomeone who loved me stuck in ways even adult relationships haven’t.

While Inever had a real Greg the Asshole, and I was never ghosted the way Teddy was, Ipoured everything I felt for her into Teddy’s feelings for Greg, and everymoment of confused hurt into his response to Greg turning everyone against him.It wasn’t a one for one, but the emotion was there in both, which is whywriting can be cathartic as fuck,guys.

24) have you ever become an expert onsomething you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or astory?

I wish! If Iwere a better writer, I would.  Mostly Itend to learn enough to get the experience of it as close as possible, thenjust wing it.

I mean…

(snip) Nope, still too ashamed to let that bit of honesty stand. Oops.