#bc when I sent that first message I was like
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lmao accidentally (purposefully) started shit in one of my group chats from school. Itās not a club or anything just a big group chat called āwe need friendsā for ppl to socialize and shit. Well one person was randomly like āI have a husky does anyone else have a husky they want to breed with mineā liek dude wtf. A) why do you have a fucking. HUSKY. In texas B) ppl that breed dogs give me the ickies SO bad like dude theyāre not just fucking commodities to buy and sell theyāre ANIMALS, not only do you have a husky in a shit climate but youāre gonna make more?? For your own personal gain????
Anyway I could not help msyelf and I commented something mild like ālol no offense but how can you own a husky in texasā¦?ā And boy oh boy did I open a can of worms lol. The original guy was dense as shit and could not effectively come up with an argument agaisnr me and the like three other ppl telling him what was wrong with that. First he said āwell I have tons of neighbors with huskiesā ok lol that still doesnāt make it right. I then explained it like, āthey have SIBERIA in their name do you rly think TEXAS is anything like fucking SIBERIA.ā And this mf, I kid you not, responded āok well if I get a French bulldog do I have to live in France?ā Like wow dude. Astounding comprehension and critical thinking. Totally did not miss the point at all.
Finally he realized he wasnāt gonna win and got hella defensive, and he tried explaining to us āwell when it gets hot out I donāt let them outside, theyāre always inside.ā Yes, he said āalways inside.ā Always. Like good on you for not letting them die of heat stroke but cooping them up inside constantly also sounds quite inhumane too. These dogs are bred to pull sleds, run like hell, all in extremely cold weather. You have provided none of those conditions. I finally just had to buckle down and tell him like dude, Iām sure you think your dogs are happy and to some degree im sure they are, but when picking a breed you absolutely HAVE to consider that dog breeds are a thing bc dogs were BRED to fulfill very specific niches. If you donāt replicate those conditions, your dog will definitely not be living its best life. Itās way more important to find a dog that matches your lifestyle than one you just think is cute/is a purebred. Oh and what do you wanna bet that this guy bought them instead of adoptingā¦
So yeah basically with the like 3-4 us telling him that he finally dipped and stopped arguing his impossible case. Sorry dude but youāre not gonna say that shit in front of me and expect me not to call it out. My neighbors had huskies too dipshit, and I wanted to bash their heads in too for getting dogs so ill fitted for our climate.
TLDR huskies do not belong in texas, dogs are not just fucking ornamental accessories that you can force to live whatever lifestyle you have, and always adopt instead of buying
#shit pissed me the fuck off#I tried to mind my business I rly did#but a HUSKY#in TEXAS#youāve gotta be fucking kidding me dude#personal#deep#Iām honestly just glad I had ppl backing me up#bc when I sent that first message I was like#welp time to get hated on by everyone lol#but luckily most sided with me only like one person was dumb enough to defend that guy#and they dipped pretty fast too lol
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s. s ave me, meotoā¦
#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst#today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed#man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. iād laugh if i were anyone else tbh#first i couldnāt start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing.#t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing#*and* whatās worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans.#but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning]#bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CANāT HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and itās just.#lifeās *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (ŹāæŹ)#and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadnāt started anything#and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake.#while heās fuminā away like a freakinā chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :(#anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady#who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa#and i canāt read maps/i donāt even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely#but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination#and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me#the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol#anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry onā#s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meotoā¦ā¦ā¦..
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I have a Mighty Need for your First Time for Everything continuation.
You and me both, Poni! (there would be a crying laughing emoji here if I was on mobile)
I made like barely any headway yesterday on part 3, but I'm still trying to juggle not sleeping well with work + school, so unfortunately fun things like writing and hopefully soon drawing are taking a backseat for the time being.
Kind of.
I'm still making time for it, but I also can't afford to like... dedicate as much time as I'd want to solely to writing fun stuff. The inspiration is there beneath all the extra shit, it's just hard to say 'Alright here's my hour or two of writing time!' when I'm exhausted and frankly too brain-dead to think and write cohesively.
Plus, I've been chronically online for a long, long time and I'm kinda trying to shift that this year because being online for too long (especially in a community like this) isn't healthy for me personally. I just tend to get sucked in and spend hours doing absolutely nothing productive or even relaxing or fun. It's purely doomscrolling.
Anyway, TL;DR: Part 3 is in the works but I have no definite date, nor will I have one until I can settle a lot of stuff outside of this space. It's super nice to know that someone's looking forward to it though! :3
#greyrambles;#greyanswers;#tbh if it weren't for this fic and the small community of chill people i like on here i'd... probably delete this blog#it's kinda hard to like feel i belong anywhere online these days when it comes to bigger groups of people#like jack/septiceye posted a video today talking about how being on the internet feels SO anxiety inducing now-a-days#and it struck a chord with me bc that's how i feel when i log onto here#who unfollowed me who blocked me who sent me a shitty message and tbh?#i don't need that in my life#it's why i deleted MOST of my other social medias in the first place#some people weren't meant to be so overloaded with information and contact and shit#it just drains me#BUT#There are parts i would miss deeply like getting to connect with people who also like stuff i enjoy too!#and the fire prompts/takes#so it's like i'm /here/ but my time is limited for my own health#which should and is always going to take priority over any content i may make :3
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technology is trying to gaslight me tonight i swear to fuck
#first patreon had this weird glitch that's still happening#where a post i made wouldn't show up on my page but it showed up for others and also everywhere EXCEPT my main page#it was in the drafts and the manage recent posts section and the collections but NOT the main home page *for m e*#and me alone it seemed#tried to fix it and only made things Worse somehow#then. my pc decided to set the clock back by three hours? at seemingly random???#tumblr isn't letting me like posts and any messages sent or received on here disappear or don't show up at all on my end#while typing this up it wouldn't autosave and then it wouldn't post#and at least for tumblr it usually only does that when i've been force logged out without it actually kicking me off until i refresh#so i refreshed the page to see if it would force me to log in again#but??? i was still logged in so i was like okay i'll just log out and log in again maybe that'll help#nope!! still acting funky!!#third time typing this post up bc of it!!
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Yes, society runs on the kindness of seemingly uncompensated labor. But I promise, if you stick around and stick with it- you will be compensated with the most fulfilling and meaningful life. With the richness of empathic regeneration. It will go beyond thank you. Beyond hugs and friendship and even love. Being kind to each other is the whole point. The sum of the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts.
Voluntary kindness is EVERYTHING. Today I shared kisses (the chocolate kind) with a few ladies at school.... then a very kind lady with pink hair gave me an ice cream sandwich (she didn't charge me anything :'3 which was a surprise)... and then ANOTHER kind lady came into THAT kind lady's shop just to gift her sweet grapes that she mentioned she grew out of her backyard!!! Then guess what???
The cycle continues!!!!! And we're all so grateful and smiling. We're all so much happier than we would've been just buying these things because we had to for ourselves. Everything tastes better when they're coming from someone who thinks of you and cares. I love people.
I'm hopeful for dream weavers making this happen. College students voluntarily sharing pages of textbooks and lab manuals. Kids voluntarily sharing their toys. Strangers sharing benches and holding doors open for each other. It's all in the spirit of KINDNESS. I'm so proud of the camaraderie I've seen within society and to be a part of it. I'm proud of whoever is reading this for all the nice things they've done on earth too. It might seem unnoticed or uncompensated for now but hold onto this vision. It's a positive feedback loop. It's symbiosis. It's mutual aid. It's humanity! I'm so grateful to play a part.
#i mean this in the most non overexploitative and sincere way#people are good#thank you to the kind person who sent me $ 'for treats' today :')#i thought it would be bad to share what good i received but... it ended up working out exponentially well#i hope that kind person somehow received their kindness back#if they haven't yet then i know they will#<3 i gotta message ppl back ikik btw!!!!!!!!!!!#gotta finish important stuff first and hopefully by the time I'm done... well... i may need to sleep by then#but this post is what's most important and i hope all the ppl waiting for a reply read this#when i tell ppl ty for talking to me or messaging me i mean it so much#it is so incredibly kind to send a friendly message and it feels good to receive#moreso on difficult days when i wake up uncertain that kindness is rly the point of it all#it is#i know this#(don't ask how)#i'm holding onto that vision#tightly and desperately#like it's my final hope bc it truly is#so grateful to play a part WITH YOU ALL!!!!! WITH YOU!!!!!#we're in this together
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ššÆļøšš¤
#just a little diary dump:#i've contacted my school therapist again. asked for help regarding anxiety abt schoolwork since i dont get any other treatment#she said she can help me go thru if there are other options since neither psychiatric nor healthcare center will help me#+ she said that she and i can talk abt my anxiety regarding school etc. so in two weeks i'll see her#school starts next week. 4days a week rip... lol thats much for me. a bum. a cellar dweller. i've decided that im gnna go to all my classes#and always work while im there since its harder for me to do it at home. and i will also talk more w my teacher nd ask them for help#then im looking into an online therapy service. it miiight be possible for me to do that. but then i have to contact them and focus on only#1 or 2 issues. in my experience it just doesnt work to go to them and be like everythings bad :(( they wont help u then. i have to narrow it#down for them. nd i'll think i will talk 2 them abt my extreme feelings of loneliness and also my procrastination behavior#but yeah i have no idea if it's possibly bc idk if i can get financial aid for that service. im still in contact w the healthcare center so#i hope she will come to some sort of conclusion nd not just leave my high nd dry (she sent another referral to the persobality disorder -#clinic. even if they rejected the first one. so i'll see)#hmmm yeah. the situation w my sisters is sooooo rough. i hate it. they make me feel so so bad#and the housing situation is roughhhh. it's impossible to get an apartment lol.#so i need to find a way to shut it off and try to not let it bother me#just focus on finishing upper secondary school. nd i've been thinking abt taking out a loan for it and take german/french/spanish classes#instead of doing what im doing now when im actually poor and stressed bc they can choose to cut me off anytime#im meeting my highschool friend on tuesday. she asked if i wanted to hang out for a bit c:#im a bit anxious but like yeah.. it's nice to get out and talk to someone besides my family. which is just my mom lol#i messaged my other old highschool classmate on insta and said i saw her in my neighborhood#she replied but i had lowkeyyy hoped for more... like maybe being able to befriend her T-T but she didnt seem so interested in talking to me#which is ok ofc. it just made me a bit sad bc idk how to make friends and i thought she was rlly nice. but oh well#im rlly sad atm. maybe heartbreak prob. even more sad bc it was my stupid fault but yeah#im still grateful for all that it gave me. nd how i got to experience feelings of warmth nd love nd appreciation i didnt know i could feel#so even if im just contantly heavily sad bc i keep being like oh. i wanna ask this. say that. wonder what theyre up to. etc etc. i just have#to... be sad and just keep going forward#hope and try to not fuck everything else up. even if it feels like... what do all the other things matter when what i rlly rlly wanted got#ruined..... thats life tho. i know. im just so bad at handling life :((#i feel so broken and confused and i hate that i didnt get to be normal and healthy#im so illequipped at dealing w myself nd my emotions nd there seems to be no professional help for me
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i cleaned my inbox out the other day (like 2k messages š) but. i think it broke my inbox. i can see messages on my notifs page but it won't let me get to them in my inbox. so. not sure... how to fix that......
#when i was cleaning it out i had to refresh it a few times bc it wasnt properly loading everything#and i had to keep combing back thru to catch all the messages bc it was skipping over them the first time#and now i dont know. what's happening#and yes i never delete messages i feel bad...... i still saved a whole bunch too except i screenshotted them into a folder#lmfao. mental eelness...#or i guess maybe someone sent me messages and then immediately blocked me in which case this is embarrassing for me#but it even shows them in like. the number. i had exactly 75 after i finished wiping them and now it says i have 78#but i cant see the 3 new ones. only the notifs on my notes page & even clicking thru to them from there doesn't show them
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iām sooooooooo stressed about a message i just sent but i am glad i sent it bc if i hadnāt i wouldāve spent the rest of however long thinking about sending it and i donāt like that at all but also my heart is literally pounding in my chest what if he hates me and doesnāt want to be friends anymoreā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦
#I DONT LIKE BREACHING THE COWORKER VS FRIEND BOUNDARY BECAUSE MY BOUNDARIES ARE SO THIN BUT I AM ALWAYS TERRIFIED OF PUSHING SOMEONE ELSE#TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO THIS GUY AND I SPENT SO LONG BITCHING TOGETHER SATURDAY NIGHT AT A PARTY AND HE SMOKED MANY OF MY CIGARETTES#SO HOW MUCH CAN HE REALLY HATE ME#I AM SO FULL OF ADRENALINE RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO SCARY IVE GOT MY PHONE ON DO NOT DISTURB BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHEN HE REPLIES#HORRIFYING. TERRIFYING. I WISH I HAD SENT A MESSAGE TO HIM BACK IN FUCKING JULY THE FIRST TIME I WANTED TO SEND A MESSAGE TO HIM.#HORRIBLE HORRIBLE STUFF AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#IF I FUCK THIS UP THEN I DO ACTUALLY FUCK THINGS UP QUITE SEVERELY BC HE IS ONE OF THE PEOPLE I MOST ENJOY HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH JUST#IN GENERAL. BUT ALSO. I KNOW HE LIKES HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH ME AS WELL SO IT SHOULDNT FUCK IT UP TOO MUCH#BUT WHAT IF IT DOESSSSSSSSDD#AND THEN I HAVE TO SEE HIM. AT WORK. ON THURSDAY.#THIS COULD GO SO WRONG BUT IT ALSO MIGHT BE THE START OF A LOVELY ABILITY TO TEXT CASUALLY#WHICH IS WHAT IM AIMING FOR BUT JESUS CHRIST AM I SCARED RIGHT NOW#HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO SCARED
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saw a starfish on the beach today & was absolutely ENAMOURED - literally 3 of us were just squatting over this tide pool watching him move
#stream#omg i just remembered i was the last 1 to change / shower & i had just walked back from the cold ass shower thing to rinse off the salt &#punya came over & he was like ābrother ā¦ā & i was like what ? & he went šš«“#& i asked what do u want me to give u ?? āa cigarette u motherfuckerā āu know what i would love 1 TOO bitch but GUESS who smoked them ALL b#it WASNT ME !!!ā šššš AKSJAKSKAKSKKSKSKAKSLSKSL#& NOW I DONT EVEN HAVE A VAPE BC OF THE FREAK BRIT THAT JUST WALKED OFF W IT#iām still not upset abt it iām more so just bewildered ? just shocked ? like i didnāt even care to try to get it back i was just like ok ?#iām still shocked by it bc itās just so#COMICAL ? LIKE ??? šššš did neither of us speak english like 2 entirely different messages werenāt sent#LIKE ITS NOT A DISPOSABLE THIS IS A RECHARGABLE REFILLABLE VAPE#it was just 20Ā£ & getting 2 disposables are also 20Ā£ from the off license & i used literally like 80 ? 100ml ? in it ? so saved money#regardless but i did buy a pack of pods but 1 of the 3 that i used didnāt end up working & that was the third on it excluding the original#battery & those are 10Ā£/pack so 30Ā£ overall for what would equivalently be like idk probably around 10 of those 5k off license vapes which#would yea be 120quid so including the price of the vials themselves itās 3-for-10Ā£ used 5#so thatās 50Ā£ bs 120Ā£ even w the cost of a new device say + 30 thatās still only 3/4 of the price of what it would be using dispos which ar#cheaper than cigarettes REGARLESS#even the 30/120 thatās still u know literally a quarter of the cost itās just a bigger upfront cost but itās significantly cheaper long ter#STILL SAVING MONEY ā¦. i say as if addiction isnāt inherently a waste of money but u see to that argument i budget it like food bc thatās ho#addiction works itās just going to continue & ur going to include it in the budget as if itās a PHYSICAL NECESSITY TO LIVE#to be fair sometimes it is lol like bro i couldnāt stop drinking w/o being in a hospital bc alcohol withdrawls can literally kill u#like my blood pressure was over 180 at 1 point when i was detoxing in hospital ššššš#SCREAM#anyway#forget that#happy new year 2024.5 ššš#my new year starts now fuck u the first half was just warm up#could i stop smoking if i wanted to ? yes ! will i ? absolutely fucking not !#IM ALLOWED THIS AS A TREAT#THAT I INHALE LIKE OXYGEN: CONSTANTLY
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thought too hard in the shower about Things That Make Reality Wobbly and guess what the effect of that is!!!!!!!!
hey if anyone wants to confirm the reality of basically any fucked up thing that happened to me between 14 and 25 then BE MY GUEST
#red said#i keep coming back to and picking the same scab#which is that something happened at a party when i was 18 and i kind of know what it was?#although i lack some context clues like time or surroundings bc i was either incredibly drunk or i had been drugged#but it's like the ONLY TIME there is the potential of like. first hand witnesses who i could still reach out to#but i don't WANT to because that's a fucked up thing to drop on someone out of the blue when you haven't talked to them in years#but so every time i get a bit wobbly and ptsdy i start PICKING at it again i start thinking I SHOULD MESSAGE PILF#I SHOULD MESSAGE SAM. I SHOULD SEE WHAT THEY REMEMBER HAPPENING.#and then i don't. partly because maybe they don't remember anything???? and then I'd really worry i made it up#and the problem is that now i have thought about sending those messages so often that i keep thinking i actually have sent them#although looking through my message history it doesn't look like i ever did
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1. itās my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time iām 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so iām surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isnāt officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then iāll be happy!! no matter what though, iām gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like āitās my birthday! iām an ides of march babe (:ā and if someone is like oh whatās that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if itās a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which iām pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something iāve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told iād get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i donāt then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which iāve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully itās fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how iām gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now iām just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i donāt want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that wonāt be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that iām going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so sheās in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said sheās more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her iād let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope itās a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didnāt have before#and i donāt like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasnāt said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of āoh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late nowā which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#iām also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so iām waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know itās not going to change bc itās my great grandparents house that sheās partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address iāve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think iām gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#iād like to stay the night with them but if we canāt make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to iāll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ā¤ļø
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Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow Iām honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; Iāve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe Iām finally fully recovering from burnout!
Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.
#turns out that I was not drawing from an unlimited spoon supply when I spent spoons so fast#and instead was overdrawing#because at 5:59 I thought āoh you know Iām a bit tired I should lay downā#and then spent almost six hours in Nap Hell as I laid down too tired to get up and take my sleep meds#but also not really sleeping consistently. like dozing except I didnāt want to.#woke up ~11:50 and apparently sent some very misspelled messages to my friends#took sleep meds. and then passed out until morning.#soā¦ Iāve learned something here. such as āeven if you feel fine. you know youāre spending too many spoons. slow down.ā#Iām gonna try to go to bed early tonight too#and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class.#just gotta get these labs done first#the exhaustion is partially also my fault bc instead of going to bed after getting home from the airport#I did in fact go straight to DND and played until midnight because DND is Monday nights now.#but in my defense. I had napped on the plane. so I didnāt feel v tired.#but yeah I shouldnāt have done that bc that meant I was operating on a Significant Sleep Deficit yesterday and still had a lot of tasks#that absolutely could not wait. I needed food bc I didnāt have any in the house and needed laundry bc all my wearable clothes were dirty.#and Iād been in class since 9:30AM and went straight to the store from my last class and then straight to laundry after putting away grifos#and STILL FORGOT TO GET GAS#itās fine Iāll get some today after chemistry or smth on the way home
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Is it even Thanksgiving week if your extended family isn't giving you extreme agita
#woke up to an angry 5 paragraph essay of text messages#from my cousin because she was pissed about the trip to france#that i researched planned and invited her on#shes mad bc i was upset with her when she was nearly an hour late getting to the airport#bc she packed last second and left the house late#even though i told her how important leaving on time was to me bc it would cause me ungodly amounts of anxiety#and i was exhausted after our overnight flight and was cranky#which i apologized multiple times for bc i did feel bad for being tired and cranky#she never apologized for being late btw#and i got a fucking thesis statement of texts calling me rude dismissive and that she ādidnt know who i thought i was talking to like thatā#even though shes the one that complained about every. single. thing. all week#like she called everything we did and everywhere we ate a crappy tourist trap#and went on about how she didnt like the itinerary#which she had at the time we booked the goddamn trip#and i just feel so exhausted#and frustrated and hurt bc what am i gonna do#she sent a barrage of texts accusing me of being a shitty person for wanting to be on time and being tired our first day#and now she wont respond#so like what am i gonna do#shes my cousin and i love her but this is such a dick move and not a proper way to handle being upset#like its so immature!#i did all the work in terms of planning and researching and evrrything#for her to complain and be a snob about everything the whole time#AND now get yelled at at 8am sunday morning about how i didnt cater to her enough#like i had a great time anyway i cannot emphasize enough how much i loved the trip wven with her complaining#but like shes the unreasonable one here#i apologized profusely for being cranky and said i was also exhausted bc we were on the SAME OVERNIGHT FLIGHT I CAN BE TIRED TOO#and just bc i wasnt sulking all week like a child doesnt mean she didnt say or do anything to hurt my feelings#and even though objectively i know shes being unfair and angry and hurt right now#i feel really really really shitty and guilty and even if im right im still the one feeling like trash and crying rn
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my shin burns????? what????
anyway tumblr doesnāt have any of the silly sparkly good night gifs im so sad rn (thereās an explanation, itās just an inside joke w my sister HELP)
#cw for drugs idk if anyone needs it but hey#so#me n my sister used to get high together back in 2021 a lot and one night my ex fpās (bpd shit) gf messaged me saying he cheated on me#BTW WHEN SHE TOLD ME WAS A YEAR AFTER WE DATED. but anyway#so i had just like fully healed from that shit (first & last fp breakup it was horrific) i still had his number bc yk i was a lil silly#so like. me and my sister got high and shit and i came across a post on ig that was like āgood night sweet dreamsā w like that glitter text#we PISSED ourselves at it bc yk being high anything is funny and then i had the genius idea of āoh what if i sent ex these images like-#-every morning and every nightā and my sister was like fucking do it so i did it for around 4 months shit was entertaining#he always left it on read. + i made the good morning one#iāll post the good morning one in a reblog#itās beautiful#ok thanks bye bye gn oomfies
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Just screamed so loud in my car that both my ears rang and a spider fell from the ceiling. My throat hurts.
#my pharmacy won't fill my meds AGAIN because some motherfucker decided to make a new policy that requires more instructions or something#i keep not getting my meds when I need them because every time i get a new script sent out (like one I haven't been on before) i hear...#...nothing back from the pharmacy; generally for days; and then when i call them (every 10 or 15 or 30 minutes for several hours) no...#...one picks up the goddamn phone and i have to make time to go in in person and ask the pharmacist when my meds will be ready.#and then they tell me 'oh yeah we HAVE the script from your doctor. we just need MORE INFORMATION and sent them an ELECTRONIC NOTE...#...(reminder that i live in fucking rural idaho so most people use a fucking phone and not 'an electronic note') and haven't heard back...#...from them yet so we're just waiting on that :)' and then i have to smile and thank them bc it isn't their fucking fault the policy is...#...some fucking bullshit and then i have to call my doctor on the phone (and can never reach them directly so i have to get a...#...receptionist to leave them a note that i HOPE they'll see in the next couple of days but sometimes they don't) and since i never have...#...an emergency it's often 2 or more weeks before anyone gets back to me. i usually have to call the pharmacy again. and then they don't...#...always answer and i usually have to go in and ask AGAIN why my meds aren't ready and they go 'oh we're still waiting on your doctor'...#...:) or 'they sent us a message back but it wasn't ENOUGH information and we sent them another ELECTRONIC NOTE that they won't see for...#...days or weeks so we recommend YOU call your doctor even though we're the ones flinging you around like a rag doll and you have 0...#...control over it. and by the way we're going to continue doing this for like a fucking year every time you get a new script. and when...#...your doctor asks you if the new meds are working you're going to have to say 'i have no fucking clue because it took 6 weeks to get...#...my goddamn prescription filled and it takes 3 months for the medication to show signs of working so my pharmacy wasted HALF of that...#...time sending electronic notes instead of filling my motherfucking prescription and i was supposed to be off these meds by summer...#...since they cause intense sunburn and shit and i have an OUTDOOR JOB NOW but my acne is still bad and hasn't gone away enough to stop...#...using the super intense stuff and my face hurts and swells and oozes and i have to wear a wide-brimmed hat and sunscreen EVERY time...#...i go outside because i can get a sunburn in 20 minutes now and i've been having heat rashes from the sun for the first time in my...#...LIFE and i have to fucking monitor myself every time i go outside and it's the warm season and i need a new pair of lighter work...#...pants but they don't sell above a size 18 for women even though men go up to like a size 45 which is like a size 24 or 26 in women's...#...and men's pants don't fit me bc i was blessed with the largest ass in the history of mankind' and i am so. fucking. tired.#of all the bullshit.#i feel miserable. my mom is buying me otc imodium bc i have NO IDEA when my prescription will come available. i just want the cramping...#...to stop. i've been having diarrhea all day every day since sunday. the cramps HURT and they keep me up at night. i haven't been...#...eating much bc there's so much shit moving around and hurting in my gut that i can't feel when i'm hungry and food doesn't soumd great.#so i'm weak and slow and tired and can't go to work and i'm using up all the sick days i was hoping to save up to visit my friend in...#...cyprus this winter. so that probably can't happen. but anyways. my mom came by while i was typing this out and i feel betterish.#personal
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[ bb ] they didn't need to hide! and they weren't trying to hide at all right now! this was just a calculated and perfectly reasonable retreat before showing up for the final act! it would ruin the surprise if they were spotted so suddenly seeing that girl made the devilish ai pout. "what's with you? away, go away, this spot is already taken."
unprompted,Ā always accepting !!Ā Ā @caemtheĀ ā”
it wasn't like she was seeking them out !Ā Ā no,Ā no,Ā she really wasn't !Ā Ā it was them who was acting peculiarly and caught her attention.Ā by chance.Ā pure chance and coincidence.Ā now really,Ā what are they even doing in shabby corner like this ?Ā nothing short of an ill - fitting backdrop for someone so ...Ā someone as ...Ā exuberant as this devilish kouhai here.
āĀ Ā bbāĀ Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā the call of their name leaves her before she even realizes it,Ā though she closes her own mouth firmly shut just as it'd been uttered.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā moon cancer.Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā that was the class they'd been summoned as,Ā wasn't it ?Ā Ā it felt ...Ā strange to address them in such a manner,Ā but it wasn't like this was anything out of the ordinary for hakuno kishinami.Ā hakuno kishinami,Ā who referred to all the servants here by their class name,Ā with no single exceptionĀ /Ā hakuno kishinami,Ā who brought on this sense of this distance herselfĀ /Ā this vast distance between herself and everything else.
with othersĀ ( particularly with her experiences in tsukimihara ) ,Ā hakuno has come to expect a disdain or condescension when it came to interactions.Ā being told to go away wasn't so unsual,Ā but,Ā why were they pouting ??Ā Ā not to mention,Ā asking her that when they're the one acting strange here ... !Ā Ā
she is always unwanted and unneeded,Ā but hakuno understood that with some,Ā her presence in itself was too much of a burden.Ā she understood that,Ā she respected that;Ā and so,Ā she would leave them alone just as requested.Ā there was no reason for there to be any single exception.Ā except ...
āĀ Ā what sort of reasoning is that ?Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā no,Ā there was no way this sPoT would AlReAdy Be TaKeN,Ā they weren't fooling anyone with that !Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā a bit childish,Ā isn't it.Ā quite unnecessary as well,Ā seeing how i have no intentions of being in this spot in the first place.Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā again,Ā hakuno had no reason to approach bb in the first place !Ā this whole interaction was jutā so odd.
so,Ā it would only be natural for it to just end here;Ā for her to turn on her heel and leave.Ā the thought is on her mind,Ā as her head dips with a bow to preface a departure,Ā yet hakuno finds herself rooted right where she stood.Ā there's a moment of silence ( contemplation ? ) before what leaves her is a huff.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ Ā ābut,Ā well,Ā you have made me change my mind.Ā because i do not want my actions to be influenced by such a childish reasoning.Ā Ā āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā in other words,Ā i am not leaving.Ā the declaration is solidified with the straightening of her posture,Ā the woman appearing unfazed despite her very immature rebuttal to the order of going away.
the doll - like face that stares at the fellow ai is the image of a delicate innocence,Ā perfectly polite,Ā rosy lips part andāĀ hakuno sticks her tongue out at the other.
who's the childish one now ?!
#caemthe#&&. message#q.#LIRI THIS IS HELLA OLD BUT I KEEP ALL MY ASK OKOK š«¶š«¶ AND I LOVE THIS SMM WHFKSHFJS PLSS š„ŗ#as u can see- i kinda went a widdle ham VEKCGSKCHS IDK DONT ASK ME EITHER H.AKUNO JUST /COULD NOT/ SHUT UP ??? GOD#also hi this is like- suuuper first interactions bc i remember u sent this when we first became mutuals š„ŗ#AND IT MADE ME RLLY HAPPY WAHHH I FELT SO EPIC GETTING THIS IN MY INBOX WHFKSHD TYSM FOR SENDING IT !!!! š«¶š«¶ā¤ļøššš#i love ur asks sm weeps
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