#bc tumblr and twitter have been bumming me out

[whamss]

TRAGIC: Girl who never watched Steven Universe starts watching Steven Universe, finds out it's painfully catered to him

[catprinx]

as another artist, to be honest i always found twitter really hard to break into even before musk fucked up the site (although it's def 100% worse now bc on my end my tl never shows half of the tweets people make). while you have tags on tumblr to broaden your audience, it feels like how well your art does on twitter depends entirely on luck... especially if you don't have an audience for it. even if you have a lot of followers, if you post something people don;t care about your numbers will be really low.

It bums me out!!! It's crazy because recently I've been seeing art with crazy engagement but it's usually trend-based stuff or things from recent shows. Which isn't BAD but I don't ever wake up wanting to do any of that lol.

I actually have a fair amount of followers on twitter (like 15k) but I'm lucky if one of my posts reaches 100 likes. I HATE to whine about engagement especially because I'm not necessarily posting highly finished super time-consuming work, but I still want my original art and fanart to reach... idk... people who might like it??? lol

[sharkwing]

Tumblr is the place of every take. We love ourselves some unconventional ideas because it means we can voice our own unconventional ideas without fear. We don't talk about twitter.

Gimme all your erisol headcanons! I wanna hear bout why you like Eri. I love this hopeless troll XD. He n Sol are my faves so Erisol is legit the best ship in my eyes lmao

This is so sweet! I agree, both sites have their issues but I’m so glad I kept my tumblr active after the 2018 debacle. I did leave it alone for a bit, but after being active on both sites simultaneously for a little over a year now tumblr is definitely the better user experience imo.

Eridan has always been my favorite troll!!! I was a big greek mythology kid and have always loved the ocean, so both Eridan and Feferi were my automatic favorites (act 5 act 2 was a difficult time for me 🙃). Eridan won out just BARELY as my *favorite* favorite bc 1.) more obvious mythology/mediterranean history references, 2.) seahorse, 3.) wow, I like history too! and 4.) the cape is just…a LOOK. He’s a cool character! All the trolls are cool characters! It’s always bummed me out that people write him off as “the worst one” when he’s clearly just like. A bumbling edgy 13 year old from Planet Murder trying to be a supervillain in the most ineffectual way possible. It’s hilarious. Feferi even calls him out SUPER early for not actually having the guts nor the desire to go through with his “doomsday plans” and that’s…very endearing to me?? I’m not sure why a lot of people just gloss over that and take this kid’s word for it that he is DEFINITELY actually evil and he is DEFINITELY gonna blow everyone up! Including all his friends! He’ll do it! Any day now! Prommy!!! AM I BEING A GOOD VIOLET YET ARE YOU PROUD OF ME DUALSCAR

Sollux is a whole different can of worms, because I really didn’t appreciate how cool he was until I came back to homestuck as an adult. I think in any medium other than a webcomic he would have been one of my favorites from the jump, but for some reason I just found it really hard to read his text color as a kid and had a bad habit of skimming all his logs. I love him now though! There are a million cool things about him, but thing that always gets me with him is how angry he was with ghost Aradia for concealing the world-ending nature of sgrub from him. His society is shit, treats people like HIM like shit specifically, and if he’d lived to adulthood on Alternia he probably would’ve had the worst fate out of anyone in the main cast, including Karkat and Feferi—still, he was furious that the game he was working so hard on in hopes of saving his world ended up destroying it. Even though he had every right to be like “lol sucks for everyone who died but this works out great for me.” He’s just. So good.

I don’t think I have that many groundbreaking erisol headcanons. I just like them separately as characters and I think that (citing erisol as evidence) they’re WAY more similar than they like to think they are, and they would probably be much better friends (yes, I’m an “all the trolls are friends” person) if their circumstances were different. I know Pesterquest was kind of controversial and not everyone takes the routes as canon, but Eridan’s route kind of cemented for me that on some level, Sollux realizes this. That’s why he keeps answering Eridan’s phone calls, and why he seems to flip flop between wanting nothing to do with him and engaging with his antics. In both universes Sollux spends a lot of time talking to Feferi, and Feferi is still Eridan’s friend, even though she’s been frustrated with him for a long time. At a certain point Sollux has probably heard all the bad AND the good, and he knows that Eridan can be better, and that makes it even more frustrating that he goes around enforcing a system that he doesn’t even believe in because he’s desperate for approval from…does he even know who he’s seeking approval from?? Because the bastard could be getting approval from real people who care about him if he’d just stop being so terrible all the time, but NOOOOO. And that kind of frustration and desire to force someone to improve is exactly what caliginous relationships are supposed to be about!

I guess I hc that Sollux is rarely angry that Eridan is pitch flirting with him period, but that Eridan’s attempts at establishing a rivalry are so shallow and based on cheap shots at Sollux’s blood color and him “stealing Feferi” rather than anything about Sollux specifically. At first glance anyone would peg Eridan as the tryhard in their situation, but to Sollux it feels like he’s the one who’s gone to the trouble of finding actual personal things to dislike about Eridan, and Eridan is being lazy and not meeting him halfway at all. If pressed I do think that Eridan would be able to articulate that he cares about Sollux for reasons beyond that stuff (because seriously, he’s calling this boy in the wee hours of the morning just to complain at him he is down horrendous), but he’s not exactly good at the whole “introspection” thing, so. A slow burn ship for sure :/

[friendlifyre]

its sad to say but i really am starting to enjoy twitter more than tumblr

[mcfiddlestan]

Ship ask game: Loki/Tony, Tony/Bucky, Bucky/Loki.

Loki/Tony - Ship it

1. So, when Avengers came out I was on Twitter A LOT. I followed a lot of fellow Marvel fans and discovered the exciting world of Twitter RP. I started following a bunch of Tony Stark and Loki accounts (among others, but they were my fave characters after Avengers. Also shout out to Loki-Motion and Ant-Man!! I miss you.). One Tony Stark I followed was named @_Chaotique, and he was partnered with a Loki (can’t remember the name). Following their “romance” made me start shipping Frostiron and I went looking for more Frostiron stuff. By August (Avengers came out in April), I was writing my first Frostiron fanfic and my phone was full of Frostiron pix and edits. I was obsessed! Fun fact: I still am. Lol. Plus, I started talking to the writer of Chaotique through PMs, we struck up a friendship, were a couple for nearly four years, and he remains one of my closest friends today.

2. Obviously the whole enemies to lovers thing is always fun, but when people ask why I ship it I always point out how Tony and Loki have a similar story that just took different paths. They both have daddy issues and sense of self issues. Tony struggles with living in the shadow of his father, Loki struggles with living in the shadow of his “golden child” brother. They’re both super intellectual, sarcastic, and witty (the verbal battles omg), and there’s a lot to explore with them together and separately regarding the masks they wear with everyone and the front they put on, and the amount of vulnerability underneath.

3. Idk if it counts as an unpopular opinion, but I’m not a fan of fics that make Loki out to be weak-willed and kind of a simp. The characterizations that make him this person that constantly needs to be rescued whether by Tony or Thor really miss the mark for me. Yes, he can be blind to his faults and his flaws, but he doesn’t need someone else to baby him.

Tony/Bucky - Ship it

1. I don't even know what got me started on this ship. I don’t think it was until Civil War that I started and I’m pretty sure it was fanart that got me started. I haven’t read much fanfic, just little snippets of stuff on Tumblr, and my venture into RPing them was very short. It’s a very minor ship for me but one I totally want to get into more and write fic on it (I do have a Security Guard AU I’m working on for these boys tho).

2. Like I said, I haven’t delved too deeply into this ship just yet. So, so far the only thing I really like about it is it’s two of my favorite characters and two of my favorite male actors being paired together.

3. No, not really.

Bucky/Loki - Ship it

1. Um...I love villains. And don't give me the “Bucky is not a villain blah blah blah.” Yeah, I know. But for the majority of CATWS, yes he was! And I was shipping and writing Winterfrost before that movie came out. The writer of Chaotique created a Winter Soldier to RP in summer 2013 and I created a post-Avengers/pre-Dark World Loki to pair with him. There’s something very intriguing about two dark souls finding each other and simultaneously healing each other while also lowkey (haha) indulging in their dark sides. Like, we literally wrote a scene about a discussion and comparison of knives turning into some hot sex. But also, when it came to our RP at least, there was a lot to be explored with Loki, an anti-hero who has come to terms with his issues and is already on his journey to healing, helping Bucky, arguably an antihero himself who is just starting to come to terms with his trauma. Not unlike Frostiron, Loki and Bucky have an understanding of what each has been through and there’s a bond there.

2. Like I said, I like villains. I like darkness. I like unconventional love stories. Winterfrost is full of that. There is an underlying darkness to the Winterfrost relationship that could be explored. I wrote a fic, one of my first Winterfrost ones, called Can I Bum A Ride? which was basically porn with some plot (and written off a prompt from a Tumblr friend). The story is basically Loki picks up hitchhiker Bucky in a downpour, they stop at a motel for the night (*gasp* there’s only one bed!), and get it on. There was a moment where I considered writing a sequel that found them going down a not-so-wholesome path. Like, a path that pretty much turned them into road-tripping serial killers. For various reasons I didn’t, but I feel like they are two characters that lend themselves pretty easily to that dynamic.

3. Not really. It would be the same as the Loki/Tony one. But that’s really more a complaint about how people write Loki than anything else. And that’s just my opinion! I don’t comment on people’s fics just to tell them they suck at writing Loki or anything. Everyone is allowed their own interpretation -- I’m sure I’ve written something in a way people didn’t like. In fact, I *know* I have bc they actually did comment. If I don’t like it, I hit that back button and find something else to read. Easy peasy.

Thanks for asking!

Send me more on the Ship meme!

[morethanonepage]

what would you say are the dynamics and themes that interest you most? Also frankly I'm surprised you read any star wars fic still, I agree on just wanting to read some good finnpoe but that has gotten increasingly futile.

i mean the thing i potentially like so much about finnpoe is that they BOTH have very specific, in some ways very different traumas (finn being a child soldier and growing up in such a highly regulated way where he had basically no bodily autonomy VS poe being mind-raped AND seeing his inability to stop it as having betrayed his own people AND seeing so many of his friends & comrades die in quick succession AND still recovering from the loss of his mother as a child and Muran when he was commanding Rapier Squadron) but they both have a tendency to compartmentalize that and continue to function on their own while being loyal (Finn’s devotion to Rey, which gets a lot of flack in fandom but like -- that’s one of the first people he’s been able to form a connection with!! AND I think he lowkey feels that it’s his fault Rey got dragged into -- everything, so he feels a great deal of responsibility for protecting her) and passionate about a cause (Poe basically killing himself to keep the Ideals Of The Republic Alive, be it through trying to hunt down the FO before he’s even part of the Resistance, to doing everything he can to keep the Resistance afloat once he is). 

like they have those similarities -- a real sense of duty and responsibility toward their friends and those they’re fighting with -- but they have fundamental differences in approach that the movies did a shitty job of extrapolating on when it could’ve been such an interesting conflict: Poe is the idealist and thinks of duty to a higher ideal first and foremost (like Leia and his mother, tbh) whereas Finn is more of a pessimist and a cynic and believes protecting your friends and loved ones from the substantial evil is hard enough without setting up to FIGHT ALL OF THE BAD IN THE UNIVERSE like Poe wants/believes he has to do. and both of these things are based so much on their upbringings! Poe grew up with those ideals and freedoms and parents who fought, successfully, to protect them, and believes he owes it to them to live up to their example and protect them as well; Finn has SEEN the evil of the FO firsthand and seen everyone around him subsumed by it, believes it to be omnipotent bc for him and his squad mates it literally was. escaping all of that was an act of powerful resistance on its own!

idk i just think a lot of the fandom’s take on this is, if you focus on finn ~running away~ in canon or not wanting to join up with the Resistance just ‘cause it’s ~the right thing to do~ you’re feeding into this idea of black men being cowards and/or selfish when it’s like no! that’s the consequence of his trauma: he’s running away from an abuser who controlled every aspect of his life, who’s set up to hunt him down and destroy planets and take over the universe in a way that’ll mean he’s NEVER safe, and he knows every single person he grew up with and had some affection for are a part of it too, which on the one hand he might be reluctant to fight them, but on the other they 100% won’t be reluctant to fight him AND they know him well enough to know his weaknesses. 

all of this is A LOT and it’s heavy and dark stuff, which i GET can be hard to work into like, light fluffy fic about finn finally being happy or learning what sex is or w/e, and not everything about fanfic has to be a ~deep exploration~ of character’s inner turmoil but like -- idk. there’s ways of dealing with these elements of finn’s backstory without making the whole thing drudging tragedy porn (which is ANOTHER fanfic trend i can’t stand -- neither Finn nor Poe are characters entirely without hope and fics that treat either of their tragedies [lbr it’s mostly poe’s that get dealt with] as the focus or main characteristic of either also bum me out) and I just really wish fandom had more interest in it. 

Another factor that KILLS ME is how Poe has (justifiably) developed OBVIOUS distrust for the force and force users, and would have such a fundamentally hard time dealing with the fact that Finn is one. Canon didn’t even let Finn be explicitly force sensitive, and fandom is like YAY FINN IS FORCE SENSITIVE, NOW HE CAN USE THE FORCE TO BONE (POE), and any fic that does touch on it makes Poe out to be ~unreasonable for not trusting Finn, or having his distrust be a consequence of his PTSD alone, and a sign he has to deal with his shit VS a very real issue that Poe might genuinely not be able to get over: the force CAN be creepy and is too easy to abuse, and a lot of what Poe’s seen it used for WAS bad. 

the other dimension of all this is, accidentally or not, these dynamics take on all sorts of real-world implications given both actor’s identities -- the explicit parallels between Finn’s upbringing and chattel slavery (taken from his family at an early age, losing all connection with his birthplace and culture, seen as useful but dispensable by an oppressive, mostly-white empire)  & its legacy for Black Americans (that lack of connection with a historical homeland and the loss of a cultural connection that came from it) VS the first generation latinx immigrant narrative that Poe and his family embody (the sacrifice for and long separation from a child in the service of giving them a better life, the burden that child takes upon themselves to make that sacrifice worth it by excelling in certain spheres, the drive to be the VERY BEST representative of their new culture, the embrace of that culture’s ideals bc they don’t want to think their parents sacrificed everything for a lie [with the creeping knowledge and experience to know many of those ideals are flawed and not always lived up to]). 

and the canon ignores that bc addressing it would require world building that couldn’t center/come back to the Skywalkers in some way (and the only family dynamics it’s interested in is DADDY ISSUES, fucking Free Fall), and fandom doesn’t care about it bc it’s mostly white girls who, AT BEST, decide to focus on the potential ~sexuality conflicts (coming out, family rejection, etc) when writing real world AUS, without dealing with the intersectionality of a black and a brown man, their respective cultural context, and the resultant conflicts those would create beyond, idk, “POCs are always homophobic so finn and/or poe’s parents kicked them out or w/e”.  and like I really don’t WANT these people trying to grapple with the complexity of a queer, interracial relationship where neither participant is white (i’ve seen enough just watching them grapple with either character’s sexuality tbh). 

but idk, that’s what’s interesting to me: finn and poe’s backgrounds and how those set up fundamental conflict points for both of them, both in canon (Poe’s devotion to the cause of liberty and democracy for the whole galaxy VS Finn’s duty to the people he loves over anything else) and in a real world au (Black people have a fundamentally different relationship to the American Ideal than Latinx immigrants do, for very good reasons). And I want those things to be significant elements of the characterization for both, but not the ONLY elements of characterization for both: stories should, in even some small way, be about what characters WANT (even if it is just “to fuck,” as it often is when I write [ok it’s usually “to love but be able to show it without saying it, hence the fucking”]) and so few fics, these days, give me any sense of what finn and poe want besides, vaguely “each other” (”because the author feels like they have to write them bc the actors are hot/for woke points”) and that is just -- boring to me. 

also god i would just love to read some dialogue that isn’t just twitter/tumblr memes and/or mcu level mean quips. like, just in general. 

[tangerinefluff]

before i can freely dive back in on tumblr after being gone for a long time, i just wanted to address some asks i got during my inactivity: 

where do I start lmao. so i’m not sure if I understood the asks the way the anons intended to communicate them. could be because of a little language barrier? and im actually having trouble deciphering hate or disrespect because i have almost never in my life been hated or received serious hate in any form (i was THE good girl, on the outside that is, my entire life no one messed with bc i dont really do anything hateful like it’s just not in my nature to respond in that way 😅 anw very besides the point) so you may talk to me again if that’s not what you (anon) intended.

to the first one who said this: 

hi! i get ur suggestion but maybe word it differently? bc that was kinda rude. first off, this one (garbage) writing is for you too. second, i appreciate the cute hearts at the end to go with the insult in the beginning 😅 (but also) third, you’re on MY blog. i mean,,, with the first words i agree? LMAO. i apologize i don’t have the best thoughts but no i won’t change things. this is literally my own space and im sharing a little of what’s on my mind and they don’t have to be useful and significant and a WOW moment kind of post to everyone lmao. fourth, you can locate the unfollow/mute button yourself. im not actually sure what writings you meant, if it’s the unrelated or personal posts/asks, or the blog-related shitty posts. and i’m not very tidy with my tags either so i’ll try harder on that! will tag unrelated texts as “garbage.text” and blog-related texts as “hq.text”. fifth, that’s what i keep my following tabs open for actually. i follow a lot of even betterrr blogs with content like mine and esppp amazing artists you should check out yk instead of sending people ask like that..haha. lastly, i hope you don’t go around sending blogs asks like this one and just filter out the stuff you want to consume yourself. let’s be careful with words bestie! (edit: also my blog now is 90% reblogged art so.... why the big issue).

candidate #2 who quoted a tag on my post and said: 

aah what i meant there is that i am actually having a hard time remembering.. in general. (cue the victim card script) yes dramatic but i feel like my memory’s deteriorating. can’t remember names of people i just met or friends from a long time. things i just did or the phone i just put down 30 secs ago. conversations and with whom. read somewhere that it could be due to mental health problems. and i cant keep track of all the interactions here so i mess things up sometimes which is why i’m less active. and its not bc my friends here are insignificant!!! lmao. dw i remember, i have my close friends’ UNs and names listed on my notes too :D

yk i wanna bite harder than this bc im a real B on the inside and i wanted to make light of this (somehow funny to me because ik i shouldn’t respond bc it feels like twitter behavior) &&& i wanted to show off my clean record that i haven’t ever been hated before lmao until this moment that is. im just super shocked cause i’m 22 and JUST realizing, oh so this is the dangerous stuff on the internet! like i thought i could’ve avoided them because im.... literally... nice that i’m almost boring here and unproblematic and trying my best and just talking about stuff i like. bestie is not special over here.

to those who have been following me from the first (cringe) days, would know i post reallyyyy randomly. it was more original posts rather than reblogs. and i minimized on that when my following increased. there’s 4.4k amazing people following this blog in just a little over a year. so i toned down the personal stuff right away. honestly got conscious and i didn’t like it because the blog started to feel less like it’s mine. i can’t openly switch to a different content/media or just scream nonsense. i can’t answer personal asks freely. can’t interact with mutuals. then i just decided that i won’t mind anymore. as long as my post isn’t offensive and/or rude, i will post as i wish. i don’t normally engage in hateful posts because it bums me out. like a minute into reading these asks they really upset me then writing my response and letting this sit in the drafts made me think i won’t bother anymore because i could just let the asks get lost into the void and it’s not like i did anything wrong, but i guess i had a little energy today. and yes, will be turning off anon asks from here on out.

i hope this one won’t get dragged out and i’m not expecting any interactions from this because i just wanna talk about stuff i’ve been getting into lately, back to regular programming.. AAAAHHHHH!!! not sure if this will reach the anons (expected they unfollowed because that’s the smart thing to do) but I still wish them a good day/night and a peaceful tumblr experience! (^^)

[howdoyousleep3]

Hi K! I just wanted to ask for some advice. Recently there’s been all this stuff about Seb’s girlfriend culturally appropriating Asian culture and generally being a bad person (whether or not she’s actually his girlfriend-I don’t particularly care either way) and frankly I’m exhausted. I should know this, it’s a fact, what she did was wrong, but honestly I hate coming on tumblr and seeing it.

And it’s not just this I don’t like to see anything about police brutality or much of the racist problems in our society. I know they exist, I’m well aware, but I’ve been considering filtering all of it bc it’s kinda sucking at my tumblr experience. I just wanted ur advice; does it make me a bad person if I do that? Cause these are real problems that hurt people but...

I don’t like responding to any of this girlfriend or PR or Twitter drama at all but this is something I feel like I should talk about and respond to. 

First of all, you are not alone in these feelings. I have had to stay off social media and Tumblr that isn’t my inbox for a few days now because I’m not in the mindset to address it and think about it. There are many things happening in my life right now that need my attention more than “PR girlfriends”. 

That being said, I think the biggest thing for me to say to myself and acknowledge is that, as a white heterosexual woman, that is deadass my privilege allowing me to say, “no I don’t want to deal with this right now”. I must acknowledge that. It is incredibly important to say to yourself, “okay but there are people who cannot ignore this, who are affected by the things happening in the world in much greater ways than I am.” 

Gentle reminder too, that I am not allowed to be upset with or disagree with people who are of these different groups that are hurting. They are expressly telling you how they feel and that is direct from the source. There is no “get over it” or “you’re being dramatic”. Listen to them. 

Today’s bullshit for example: 

My thought process was, “Wait are people upset for her wearing a kimono? I don’t understand. Oh wait, it was a themed party, that’s different. Oh wait, there are already existing microaggressions and forms of racism in Spain towards the plethora of different Asian cultures. Alright, so people have a right to be offended by this and take this fight head-on. I am white and am not Chinese or Korean or Japanese or Filipino or Vietnamese or of any other Asian descent therefore I need to take my initial eye-roll back and listen to how others are offended and learn.” 

All of that nonsense to say, if you’re going to use your privilege to step away or ignore, you should at least acknowledge and reflect on how you are able to do so and how else you can help those who are greatly affected by what is happening. If that makes sense. If or when the time comes for you to say anything or step up for those who need your support, you can do so because you have reflected and addressed and know how you feel. We are always learning, we should always listen. 

All of that being said, you are your number one priority. If it is stressing you out or bumming you out, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You are not a bad person. There is so much heavy shit happening in the world right now and I don’t think you should feel bad for taking a break or stepping back from just constantly taking it in. 

I hope these ramblings made sense and I hope I was able to help in any way. 💗

[kumikko]

im gonna probably go offline twitter and tumblr-wise, so if u need to contact me, im on instagram @raspcha (or if ur an irl friend, just use whatever you've got that isnt twitter or tumblr). just feeling bummed out and need a breather from some social media i have bc i have too many social media accounts and its been taking a toll on me. thank you for reading!!! i might be back at some point! i might not! who knows! goodbye for now! take care! 🌻💛

[holdmetightordont-2]

hi :0

i have 300 pages to read, and yet here i am, remaking my tumblr. yep.

hi, my name’s ray. i’m 23 and i started my first year of grad school two weeks ago. i already want to die. 

i’m not sure if this’ll be more of a personal or fandom blog yet. we’ll see. it might be a combination of things. i’m not bothered about followers or anything like that, so there’s no real incentive for me to make this blog known for a certain entity. i do want this blog to be somewhat organized though, so i’ll make sure i tag everything. ya’ll can blacklist any tags you don’t want to see.

i suppose the purpose of this post is to introduce myself, and sort of...blog about my first few weeks of grad school.

i’m tempted to reveal every single aspect of my life, as i do on my personal twitter account. i’ll try to be as appropriate as i can, in case someone irl finds me. i do think i’ll be somewhat recognizable, based on my research and interests, but that’s alright.

based on my username, you could guess that i am/was a big fan of fall out boy. i still listen to their music, but less so these days. about a year ago, i rewatched inception, one of my favorite movies in high school, for the fist time in years. after 8 years, i became obsessed and was pleasantly surprised to see that the fic comm is still around, churning out arthur/eames fics. it’s fantastic. i uh...love inception so much that i...did this...

i had it finished right before i moved for grad school. i’m pretty pleased with it :)

originally, i planned out a somewhat large-scale tattoo with my tattoo artist -- i wanted matching tattoos on my ribs of a rose garden, firstly because they’re one of my favorite flowers, and it would symbolize beast/highlight, the first kpop band i ever loved. then...in march, all that shit came out about junhyung -- who is a piece of shit, by the way, and i no longer really interact with fandom because of all the people who still support him -- so that obviously was called out. tbh, i’m so glad that all was revealed in march, bc i was supposed to get it in may. i would have really considered a cover up if i had gotten it before he was called out, tbh.

anyway! after i got the first half of the inception tattoo, i went to study khmer for the summer out of state. it was...an interesting summer, partly because of the teachers. khmer was h a r d. i hated the state i was in. i actually applied to go that school for my MA and i’m glad i made the decision not to go back in april.

after that, i returned home for a bit, finished off the tattoo, and promptly moved to...paradise. i’m trying to be vague here, but you can probably guess where i moved. it’s just beautiful here. the culture is so rich. i’m surrounded by such good food. i’m very excited about the classes i’m taking, the people in my program (anthropology) are so nice. i’m so so so so excited for my research.

but i’m lonely. i’ve made a few friends, but i feel kind of excluded from the group that formed in my cohort. i can tell that they hang out more together, and haven’t really invited me (though i haven’t sought them out either). i’m just kinda bummed about that. but it’s okay, i’ll make friends. 

i’m also suffering from health issues...i’ve had a hives viral infection for the past two weeks. it’s been fucking hell. nothing really helps except for the steroid i’ve taken the past few days. it just really fucking sucks. i’m itchy all the time, especially at night. in fact, i’m itchy right now, and i’m kind of glad i’m doing the all-nighter since i can’t go to sleep with this anyway. i hope this doesn’t last too much longer.

i fucked up real bad, y’all. i still have that 300 pages to read and weeks worth of khmer to do. my macbook actually broke yesterday, but thankfully i have my old one with me. it’s not a good excuse, really. i’ve been lazy. i hope i can better manage my time this upcoming week. maybe limit all-nighters to once every two weeks, or even better, once a month? that’d be nice.

on another note, i’ve been trying to cook more recently since a bunch of my kitchen supplies finally came in. i made a japanese curry with potatoes, carrots, and kabocha yesteday and it’s pretty good!! i wish i’d gotten a spicier roux though. it’s kind of a miracle that i like it so much, because i almost never eat vegetables. i guess the trick is to simmer the veggies until they’re super soft and absorb all the flavors. 

i also found recipes for a turmeric pad thai, “golden” (turmeric) broth noodles, and egg kimbaps that i’m excited to try!! there’s a small japanese grocery store that’s in walking distance from my dorm, but it doesn’t have all the ingredients i need. i also still need to order a mini fridge. but it’s been working out so far!! also want to make carne asada burritos!! i want to make 3 for this week and have the other 3 frozen so i can sorta meal prep throughout the month. i bought a meat thermometo and i’m just. so excited. because i have never made proper steak before, like the kind that’s rare or medium rare? it’ll be great.

okay, i think this is a good place to stop. it’s nice writing about everything here, cohesively. i’m a bit of a rambler on twitter (not that i’m not here, clearly), but i like that i have all my thoughts in a single place, even if there’s no one to read it. 

wish me luck on my readings! -ray

[heisenbergchronicles]

APPRECIATION & INTERVIEW

Better Call Saul episode posters by Matt Talbot After 4 nearly years, I thought it was time to catch up with Matt Talbot about his Better Call Saul poster project. The last time we talked during Season 1, Matt was deep in the hustle of making his name as an illustrator: juggling a full-time job, freelance projects, as well as band. Finding time for personal projects like this one can be a significant challenge. (Not to mention surviving the death of your tools: During Season 1 his Mac laptop died, and this season, his Wacom tablet bit the bullet). But despite these challenges, the 43-year-old New Hampshire native has persevered to create a clever and thoughtful series of episode posters that has garnered considerable attention, and brought with it new high-profile clients and art exhibitions. 

First, congratulations on all of your success and recognition with this series of posters. It’s well-deserved. What’s been the most gratifying feedback you’ve received? Thank you! Every interaction I’ve had with anyone from the show has delighted me. I've been surprised by all of the cast and crew members who have said nice things – every note I’ve gotten has meant a lot to me. That being said, Michael McKean randomly tweeting at me that he has my poster for Chicanery hanging in his home blew my mind. I was eating dinner when my phone showed the notification and I literally jumped up from the table. I’ve been a fan of Michael’s since I saw Spinal Tap in the ‘80s and never in a million years would I have guessed I’d make something he valued enough to hang in his home.

Tell me about your contributions to Gallery1988 exhibitions. How does that process work? It's a pretty simple process. They invite me to be part of a show, and I make something to send them. I’m very excited for the opportunity to show there, and I feel like it’s a milestone in my art-making career.

Across the 4 seasons, which BCS posters are your favorites? Which one are you most proud of? I’m particularly fond of Rebecca, Rico, Marco, Switch, Sunk Costs and Something Beautiful. Oh man, it's hard for me to evaluate my own stuff. I tend to like the posters where I find a way to get a different take on something they did in the episode. I would say that “Sunk Costs” is also one of my favorites because I did something differently than how they shot it, and because Mike is so recognizable even from the back. I was also pleased with “Off Brand” because it was when I finally figured out how to draw Bob Odenkirk.

How has your process for creating these posters evolved over 4 seasons? When I started this project I had a vague idea that I would focus on scenes rather than portraits or likenesses, but that didn’t even last half a season! The characters were too good not to include. In that way, the posters have evolved in my willingness to draw characters, and also, hopefully, my ability to draw them. 

My process is now something like: Watch the show on Monday; think about it on Tuesday, figure out what stood out to me and do a thumbnail sketch or two; draw it on Wednesday night; post it Thursday afternoon. I’m a bit faster at drawing these now compared to when I started. And I’m a bit more decisive on choosing which subject matter to depict.

There have been quite a few changes on the visual side of Better Call Saul over the last 2 seasons. New directors (Minkie Spiro, Daniel Sackheim, and Andrew Stanton), a new cinematographer Marshall Adams, even new cameras. What are your thoughts on how the show’s visual grammar has evolved? Has any of this impacted your posters from Seasons 3 & 4? I try not to just redraw literal scenes from the show, and I don’t need to tell you that they shoot the show in an incredibly beautiful way. I mean, they always, always, pick the best angle, the best shot to capture something. For that reason, it’s sometimes hard to to come up with another take on a moment from the show.

That being said, the visual style hasn’t really impacted my posters as much as the evolving subject matter has. The show, I think, is substantially darker than it was in the early going. It was easier to depict Jimmy’s hi-jinx in the first couple seasons. But with Chuck’s deteriorating mental state, the cartel stuff, Mike going deeper into Fring’s world and of course, Jimmy’s loosening sense of morals, the funny moments are harder to spot. That’s lead me to some more somber layouts and color choices.

We didn’t discuss this in our first interview. Which typeface are you using in your posters, or is this custom typography? The main logo and episode titles are set in Sign Painter, from the excellent House Industries.

The Heisenverse is known for it’s color theory and use of color. How has that impacted your color choices in these posters? I’ve kind of adhered to their blue=good/red=bad symbolism, but I also try to balance out colors between episodes and not repeat myself in sequential posters.

Many of your posters (especially ones this season) use a monochromatic, or simple palette of 1-2 colors. Tell me more about why you chose that approach. Is this a signature of your style? I’ve seen this approach in a lot of your work. You know, in the early seasons, I was trying to use simpler color palettes, but I wasn’t very disciplined and I got away from that. I’m trying to stick to a more consistent style in season 4. It is a conscious decision. I also feel like with the week-to-week nature of this project, it helps quickly set apart each poster. And, I really do love limited color palettes. Giving myself color constraints helps me figure out different ways to solve layout problems.

I’ve heard other illustrators say that Bob Odenkirk’s facial features are tricky to capture. Do you share that sentiment? Which characters are more challenging to illustrate? I do agree with that. I had a really hard time with him at first. I kind of think I have a better handle on it now, but I’m always trying to get better. I feel like if you can get his mouth right, it goes a long way.

I found Hector hard to capture both times I drew him. Mike, on the other hand, is just pure fun to draw. Jonathan Banks is so distinctive and iconic.

What’s been the most difficult poster thus far? Why was it challenging? Maybe it’s because a lot of time has gone by, but I can't think of one that stands out as having been really difficult.

Francesco Francavilla did alternate posters for some of his Breaking Bad posters. Inevitably, when artists look back at their work, they consider revising or redoing it because of a variety of reasons – their point of view has changed, their skill/style has evolved, or maybe they were never truly content with the final product. Looking back at 4 seasons worth of posters, are there any that make you want to scratch the revision itch? Yeah, more than I would care to admit. I would really like another crack at Amarillo. I know I could do a better job and that drawing is just super flat. In season two, I decided to to experiment with style and I kind of wish I hadn't. I like Cobbler, but I wish I had drawn it in my normal style. I would redraw Nailed for sure. Oh man, if I start going down this road it's not going to end well, so I'll just stop.

You mentioned earlier this season you were excited to draw Track Suit Jimmy. Who or what haven’t you drawn, that you are eager to illustrate? Howard! It bums me out to no end that I haven't drawn him, but it just hasn't worked out. And I need to include Kim more. It's kind of criminal that her face only appeared for the first time in a poster this season.

What’s your opinion of Season 4? Tell me about your favorites – episode, scene, character. I think season 4 is brilliant so far. The Kim/Jimmy relationship has deepened so much this season, and feels so real, but full of inevitable heartache. Oh, the flash-forward to Breaking Bad’s timeline was amazing. Mike doing his audit in the Madrigal warehouse. Really, anything Michael Mando does on screen. It's hard to pick. I so enjoy the deliberate pace of this show.

Where’s your favorite place to discuss the show? I honestly don’t talk about it too much online, though I lurk in a few places and read a lot. I actually discuss it mostly with my wife!

I know you get this question a lot, so let’s cover it here so folks understand: Do you have plans to sell any of this work online? I really appreciate that people like it enough to want to buy it or hang it, but I don't plan to sell the Better Call Saul posters online. I’m doing this for fun, not to make a buck off the show, and I don’t own the rights to sell it anyway.

What’s next for Matt? Do you have any other poster or illustration projects in the works? Is you band performing soon? I have several more pieces for Gallery1988 shows coming up. I’m pulling together an art show at a local brewery for whom I design all of their labels and stuff. I’m patiently waiting for a t-shirt I designed for one of my all-time favorite movies to be announced. And for the past several Octobers, I spent the month drawing a horror poster per day. I’m not sure if logistically I can do that again this year, but I’ll probably fit at least a few in. We’ll see how it goes. Sadly, with all of my illustration work, I haven’t had any time for music making, but someday I hope to get back to that!

Follow Matt: Web site / Tumblr / Twitter / Dribbble / Instagram / PosterSpy

– Interview by Shayne Bowman, Heisenberg Chronicles

[ghirahim]

what if i came back? wouldn’t that be weird? i kind of miss tumblr & some of the people on here never moved to twitter and stuff like that

anyway if u want an update:

i moved to maryland and then disappeared bc hurricane harvey, but i have a butler and ten dogs now so i guess that’s how life has been for me since anyone here has last heard from me, i’d say i’m doing pretty well 

i feel like i’m spreading myself thin a lot, sometimes, because i want to be friendly and chat with everyone but it’s not a physical possibility and that bums me out a little bit . idk i wanna be too wordy for twitter but i also am trying to not get so wrapped up in little things so twitter has been good for that? i can make tweet chains but i can’t write a dissertation on how hung up i am on some minor detail, just tweet 250 characters of “i feel lame” and move on

[cannoliao]

((I get frustrated with the shipping AND oversexualization of randl on here. I like the cute and dorky dads randl and no body else seems to.. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who either watch to ogle them or to dwell on the ""gay"" moments (I.e. men displaying friendship, which is sometimes foreign to Tumblr bc we expect straight men to be no-homo all the time) rather than people who enjoy them for the content randl consciously create. It makes me sad))

+ ((like hardly anybody here likes forest patrol!! It was great!!! I want more randl cartoons but no one else here would!! :[ ))

How did we get ourselves into this situationBitterly divided over rhink orientation……

ya i understand where you’re coming from.. i’ve been in this fandom for about a year and i’ve only met one person who doesn’t ship rhink (just recently too) and i think that’s crazy… it made me feel lonely in the fandom because i felt like i wasn’t enjoying the same content as other people. i felt like i was watching a completely different show from others. what’s worse was that i kept quiet about my feelings for so long…

but don’t dwell on something like that for too long… in the end we’re all here for RandL and a HUGE amount of us+shippers genuinely enjoy randl content for what it’s for!! trus me. i’ve seen A LOT of people want Forest Patrol back too. We all crave randl content! but maybe i’m just seeing things differently since im more active with the fandom on Twitter and im not that exposed. the randldiscussions blog gave insightful tips on how to curate your fandom experience if you’re seeing lots of posts that are bothering you too much though.(read the bold, erin’s part) and celery made an interesting point with her comment here on just being on tumblr for fandom. 

i don’t have a problem with the concept of rhink. just the way some people talk/engage about rhink goes to a level that i can’t relate on? you’re not alone on wanting non-shippy content from randl, despite it feeling that way. it’s not hard to be friends with shippers because we’re all enjoying the same thing at the end of the day!(like my closest bud in the fandom who ships rhink). some shippers just arent as vocal about the other stuff bc of ship feels(theyre passionateee). 

what’s helped me was actually talking things out if/whenever you get bummed again feel free to DM me!! 

[acosmic]

this is the exact opposite of the post i meant to make and have been trying to draft over the past few days. anyways:

i meant to apologize for the absolutely rancid vibes and boring content i’ve been spewing into the online world lately, and explain that:

my frustrations with tumblr also reflect my frustrations with myself, and i am not expressing those well at all and need to stop being so counterproductively condescending about it

i am very depressed! apparently that was contagious and my blog is depressed too. working on that.

the queue is now full of stuff that better reflects what i want to share! more “me,” more fun, more thoughtful, less... cliche pretentious grousing. still a bit of that, bc i (sometimes) aim to inform and am fairly irritable. working on that too.

i’m increasingly frustrated with the anti-intellectualism on/encouraged by this site. seeing well-intentioned, clever, funny people opting out of learning the... intellectual history, creative legacy, important principles, research and interpretive skills, etc... of what they’re talking about/interested in/involved in bc you can’t opt out of society, and instead arguing in circles about crappy information, really bums me out!

i know from experience that trying to reinvent every wheel/principle/way of understanding things/etc. is a futile, daunting exercise that won’t really teach you much - and assuming that you can do that by yourself is hilariously arrogant, no? there’s a whole world of information out there, and representing “Theory”/“Literature”/“History” /etc. as a bunch of really dense unnecessarily complicated long texts written by bigoted white guys that are only relevant or good if you’re overeducated is just not accurate and uncurious and rude. (i’m all for critiquing academia but strawmen are not helpful.)

i am recommending this specific book (Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity, by Julia Serano, first edition 2007/second edition 2016. buy it, request it from your public library, or p*rate it on z library or maybe transreads dot org if you must.) bc it is very straightforward to read, covers important concepts, and is generally a really helpful re/introduction. 

read it, check out Serano’s recent works, look into other trans writers (twitter is great for that!), read their stuff too. this will, hopefully, help you end up with:

an idea of how not to be a twit to trans people - and perhaps how to be an ally in a more meaningful way than just pronouns v*lid etc?

some understanding of current and historical trans issues (fwiw, tumblr is really not helpful at all on this front. follow trans news twitter accounts to start.)

an example emphasizing that all information is not actually equal and it is far more efficient and instructive to work from reliable sources, and gaining a sense of judgement/context/reliability and building a to-read list can be pretty fun

a really interesting reading list

an understanding that trans people are out here and, contrary to tumblr’s mainstream/fandomizable/YA media focus, we did not just start existing on screen/page/etc. circa 2000, and acting like we aren’t in any media at all (or creating our own) is inaccurate and not a great implication to circulate to impressionable trans kids who likely don’t know how to find trans content (or trans spaces with people who can tell them this - ime, irl community can seem unimportant if you’re very online. another mistake i wish i hadn’t made.).

i am saying this because, years after the fact, i am so freaking mad at myself for wasting so much time not knowing how much cool trans stuff there is (thanks tumblr for that initial misconception, which you continue to perpetuate by focusing on mainstream ~representation~ and considering no alternatives) and not realizing how important it is to read shit, and i’d like to emphasize this to whatever audience i have, in case this is a helpful memo for anyone.

(i’m also mad about how difficult it is to get any independent reading done when you’re a disabled, constantly overwhelmed and exhausted, financially precarious full-time trans student. i appreciate the small footholds in very interesting directions that i got through undergrad, i just wish it wasn’t set up like a drawn-out hazing process and that i was able to explore things in more depth sooner after/during the fact... so this is a necessary admission that i am not an expert on trans stuff, just someone with a pretty okay understanding of what’s out there. now that i’m taking the summer off to bleed $ and mentally recuperate before finishing my degree, i am trying my best to work on it. learning shit is a slow process that i wish i’d gotten working on sooner, but, in lieu of traveling back in time to give a reading list to me at age 15, i/we? have some catching up to do.)

we could eliminate 90% of ~trans discourse~/PSAs/whatever on tumblr if everyone just read whipping girl, which should be absolutely mandatory for anyone who intends to not be a fucking twit to trans people (including other trans people, esp those who are TME) and wants to be free of the sisyphean discourse hell cycle and scroll past entry-level takes, unbothered (or if you do like bickering online you can be better at it, i guess?)

instead of learning the basics in sporadic questionably-sourced and contradictory anecdotal internet blips over the span of several years, this one comprehensive text can far more efficiently reteach and add onto the basics, in however long it takes you to read a book! not perfect but way better than tumblr! i feel like an infomercial! stop causing me pain from the secondhand embarrassment of you being so so wilfully foolish. go form a book club or something.

[chemicalmiraclee]

1-100

srry for the delay i zoned out for like 3 days

1. Spotify, Soundcloud, or Pandora: Spotify (premium)

2. Is your room messy or clean: Messier then my life

3. Eye color: Green

4. Do you like your name, why: Yes because Ive never really met another Jenna before 

5. Relationship status: Single

6. Describe your personality in 3 words or less: Kind of bland

7. What color hair do you have: Dark blonde? Light brown? I'm not sure

8. What kind of car do you drive: Idk how to drive 

9. Where do you shop: Etsy, Zumiez, Urban Outfitters, it all depends on my bank account that week

10. How would you describe your style: “bum”

11. Favorite social media account: Twitter or Tumblr

12. What size bed do you have: Twin

13. Siblings: Brother

14. If you can live anywhere in the world where would it be: Uhhh idk not here. I’m trying to move out to Vermont for school so I guess Vermont but like if we want to get really interesting then like Alaska or something maybe idk I want to travel and move around the world a lot after college

15. Favorite snapchat filter: The one that comes before the black and white filter idk how to explain it 

16. Favorite makeup brand: Too Faced maybe because they're cruelty free and vegan however Elf is doing the trick because all their makeup is like less than $5 and you can get it at 7/11

17. How many times a week do you shower: twice a day

18. Favorite tv show: The Office

19. Shoe size: 7

20. How tall are you” 5′1

21. Sandals or sneakers: I love my birkenstocks but i have to say sneakers because i wear vans a lot

22. Do you go to the gym: I try to like 3 times a week

23. Describe your dream date: I’m simplistic it doesn't have to be special. Just like coffee or a hike idk

24. How much money do you have in your wallet right now: $2.07

25. What color socks are you wearing: Green

26. How many pillows do you sleep with: 2

27. Do you have a job: I’m a barista

28. How many friends do you have: HA

29. Whats the worst thing you've ever done: Do you want a list or 

30. Favorite candle scents: I like vanilla but I also like Dragons Blood scented things

31. 3 Favorite boy names: John Krasinski, John Krasinski, John Krasinski

32. 3 Favorite girl names: Lynn GUnn, Lynn Gunn, Lynn GUnn

33. Favorite actor: *see question 31*

34. Favorite actress: Who’s the woman who was in The Help but also that newish movie Hidden Figures? Yes Octavia Spencer she's great

35. Who is your celebrity crush: A mix between Lynn Gunn and John Krasinski

36. Favorite movie: I really liked Hidden Figures and The Help lol

37. Do you read a lot? What are you reading right now: I’ve been reading The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur since December idk why its taking me this long but I'm a slow reader

38. Money or brains: Are you talking about what I look for in a person or what I have? because i don't have either but in a partner brains i guess

39. Do you have a nickname: Yes, Jenna

40. How many times have you been in the hospital: Like 4 times in the last year so kind of frequently

41. Top 10 favorite songs: Cats-Macseal, Danger Cant-Mom Jeans, Shaylee Shanel-Hot Mulligan, Aesthetic?(More like ass pathetic)-Pannucis Pizza, Naruto Themed Sexting-Pannucis Pizza, June-Tigers Jaw, Distress Signal-Tigers Jaw, Hum-Tigers Jaw, Harvard-Diet Cig, Daylily-Movements 

42. Do you take any medications daily: Yes 6

43. Skin type: Awful

44. Biggest fear: I have too many idk

45. How many kids do you want: 2 maybe

46. Whats your go to hair style: flat ironed when  i have the energy

47. What type of house do you live in: small

48. Who is your role model: RBG! 

49. What was the last compliment you received: uh

50. What was the last text you sent: oh boy

51. How old were you when you found out santa wasn't real: probably under the age of 10?? idk?

52. What is your dream car: My current goal is to save up enough money to buy a used 2001 Subaru Outback because i feel like if i spend money on a car like ill have to get my license then right??

53. Opinion on smoking: I quit about a month ago and now every time i smell a cigarette i gag and idk if that gag is disgust or quench 

54. Do you go to college: Yes 

55. Dream job: therapist or conservationist/environmental scientist OR journalist 

56. Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs: Suburbs maybe idk 

57. Do you take shampoo and conditioner from hotels: i don't go to hotels 

58. Do you have freckles: eh

59. Do you smile for pictures: no

60. How many pictures do you have on your phone: A lot 

61. Have you ever peed in the woods: NevEr

62. Do you still watch cartoons: always

63. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from wendys or mcdonalds: i kind of stopped eating meat recently but back in the day wendys

64. Favorite dipping sauce: i wouldn't call it sauce? but onion dip 

65. What do you wear to bed: tonight its my pikachu pants 

66. have you ever won a spelling bee: no

67. what are your hobbies: being on tumblr while i have hours of homework

68. can you draw: art is subjective (i only say this bc i can't draw)

69. do you play an instrument: is mayonnaise an instrument 

70. what was the last concert you saw: Palisades

71. tea or coffee: coffee

72. starbucks or dunkin donuts: neither!!!!! support ur local coffee shop !!! (starbucks)

73. do you want to get married: yes, on a beach while I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab 4 Cutie plays softly in the background

74. What is your crushes first and last initial: i wish i knew

75. Are you going to change your last name when you get married: maybe

76. What color looks best on you: green, so I've been told it brings out my eyes

77. Do you miss anyone right now: yes 

78. Do you sleep with your door open or closed: closed 

79. do you believe in ghosts: idk

80. What is your biggest pet peeve: so many???

81. last person you called: my friend

82. favorite ice cream flavor: idk

83. regular oreos or golden oreos: regular?? oh my god??

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles: rainbow 

85. what shirt are you wearing: a knuckle puck shirt and a thrasher hoodie

86. What is your phone background: my dog

87. are you outgoing or shy: SHY 

88. Do you like it when people play with your hair: YES

89. Do you like your neighbors: i barely know them

90. Do you wash your face in the am or pm: both 

91. Have you ever been high: yes

92. Have you ever been drunk: yes

93. Last thing you ate: a protein shake

94. Favorite lyrics right now: “ALL THE NIGHTS WE SPENT LAUGHING IN UNISON PILE UP ON ME I GUESS THEY HELP ME SLEEP AT NIGHT WE DROVE HOME SINGING AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS TO SONG WE NEVER HEARD BEFORE”- i still haven't seen almost famous by Panuccis Pizza 

95. summer or winter: summer but also winter idk 

96. day or night: day?

97. dark milk or white chocolate: eh

98. favorite month: April

99. Zodiac Sign: taurus but I'm low key a literal pisces

100. last person you cried in front of: probably my dog LMAO