#bc those are the only things that both keep me awake and motivate me enough to somewhat resemble an adult human being

[galacticdemigod]

Being chronically ill / disabled is so fucking humiliating bc why do u have to jump through a million hoops just to maybe get a chance to feel a tiny bit closer to ‘healthy’

[elysianslove]

hi! how have you been since the hell that ensued after halloween is?

also could you do a batboys college au? like their major and how the reader would meet them and all that jazz? 👉👈

-🐥

hi anon!! i’m not sure what ur talking about @ the halloween stuff hvsdhjs but! here are the batboys hc’s! i’m not very familiar with duke thomas’s character enough to write about him tbh, so he’s not included here :( but if you want me to add him let me know!! i hope you enjoy!!

dick grayson

out of all the batboys i really didn’t know how to choose a major for him

but

i think he’d do law tbh, specifically criminal law 

his main motivation to become a police officer in bludhaven had been to be able to help people in any way he can 

i forgot if it’s canon or not but he does realize how corrupt it is and he quits but that’s another thing we won’t get into that lmao 

anyways yes let’s just stick with law 

meeting you ! 

he shares one or two courses with you

one that’s really early in the morning 

and one that’s later on in the afternoon 

dick is like a magnetic okay

anywhere he goes people are just attracted to him

like literally he will breathe 

but someone call the ambulance there’s a person that’s passed out bc of how beautiful he is

but this is an 8 am class 😃

so there’s no way ur awake enough to notice him

coincidentally he sits next to you one time

and this is the one time

you decide

yeah lemme just fkn sleep is uni even worth it 

dick definitely notices right away but he doesn’t say anything 

he thinks you look so cute passed out on your desk like this 🥺

when the professor signals the end of the class, he watches as people file out and then he just leans over and nudges you slightly 

you nearly punch him bc he scared you ❤️

he just laughs and goes “class is over” 

you just sigh like the guilt starts to hit you and your heart begins to sink

and he sees your disappointed face and just goes 

“i took a lot notes. i can share them w you?”

lifesaver in every single way dick grayson 😻😻😻

you had another class that you had to run to and you were rushing

he was like “dw i’ll just give them to you whenever i see you next” 

and you 🏃🏻‍♀️ outta there

imagine ur surprise when u enter class at 12 pm and he’s there in all his glory 

after the lecture is over, he walks up to you as you’re packing and asks if you want to go to the coffee shop nearby 

to take his notes of course

and you finally register just how handsome he is 

so obviously you say yes wtf

and the rest is history 😼

he asks you out, properly, pretty early on tbh 

so unfazed lmfao 

now you take naps on his shoulder instead of the desk 💞💞💞

soooo into pda 

kisses u when he first sees you

when you’re parting ways

when he feels like it

straight up cuddles w during lectures i’m not even joking 

it’s disgusting how cute you two are 

gets you coffee for all those 8 am classes u have w him hehe

study dates always turn into karaoke sessions somehow don’t even ask lmao

jason todd

english literature 

this is a collective agreement right? 

right

definitely english literature 

i dont even think he wants to go to uni but he’s going to waste time plus this is bruce’s money 😏🤑

your major doesn’t necessarily have to be english literature as well

but you share one class

and my god 

you two disagree on everything

like every little thing

at this point if he says something and you slightly agree internally you’ll still say some opposing shit 

that’s kinda what draws you to him 

at first you genuinely had nothing against him

but then this kind of rivalry developed for no specific reason 

but it was fun

and he was hot

so seeing him get flustered or angry made him even hotter somehow 

but then

but t h e n

you’re not sure if your professor like ships you or something

so you’re assigned a debate topic on one of the books you’d discussed in class/one of the books you’ve read outside, and within each group are the two sides for and against 

not only were you in the same team as jason, but you were on the same side as him

so you had to work with him

the audacity of the professor omg 

but jason needs this course 

and 

well you don’t but it’s too late to back out now 

you two meet in the campus library after deciding on a book with the other two of your team

and 

honestly??? 

you two work so well together 

like insanely well

during the debate you destroyed the other team 

spoiler alert 

doing so well with jason kinda made you like hot and bothered 

seeing him in his zone

sexy <3 

what i mean to say is

you both end up making out in some storage room lmfao 

or hate sex 😏

professor has a phd in matchmaking 🤔😻

i think you two don’t admit you like each other

bc you’re both stubborn as fuck

but eventually you’re literally on his lap on his couch and it just hits you

and you lean back and go

“wanna go out w me” 

and he just shrugs and goes “sure” and pulls you in for more kissing hehe

he’s not v good at the boyfriend thing tbh

you have to chase him around and be like “sir!!! did u forget about me huh!!!”

he doesn’t mean to i promise

he gets all blushy and flustered once he realizes 

only ever into pda if he’s insanely jealous 

will straight up make out w u regardless of where u are or who ur with lmfao 

he’s still getting used to the little intimacies and all 

debates in class are so much more fun now cause he finds it so hot when u get all riled up hehe

that eng lit professor is so happy for you two omg

tim drake

okay i also couldn’t really decide for him

but maybe he’d study something like physics (or maybe computer engineering/computer science) 

idk u have to have a death wish to wanna major in physics so tim’s major it is

i’m not sure how it works for every other uni but my uni requires 6 credits of sciences to graduate 

so let’s say for the sake of this hc u take like just the first level of physics to get 3 credits 

and 

you’re struggling 😃👍🏼

so you like approach your professor with a few questions before the quiz 

but tim is also there

and he kinda makes small talk while you two wait outside the office

and he asks why you’re here

you show him

and he’s like “oh i took this course w the same professor as well, i could help?” 

it’s like an angel had descended from the heavens for you personally 

you take his number and decide to meet up with him after a few hours 

he’s of so much more help than your professor would’ve been, even if ur prof is a really nice and smart person 

and he’s super like

patient with you? 

also he pays for all the coffee and snacks you’re getting after you already get them 

ur like bruh i didnt 

dont pay pls

and he’s like no im loaded let me 😼

swooning <3 

and guess what!! 

you ace the quiz out of some miracle

first thing you do is text him and he congratulates you 

and then

bc ur not blind and tim is so fucking cute

you’re like “can i take u out to thank u” 

tim’s brain stops working but ! 

he does say yes eventually 

he becomes your designated physics tutor + your amazing boyfriend

being with tim is so like

chill

it’s a very relaxed time 

lots of study dates! and cafe dates! all hours of the day whether the sun is up or not 

into pda but to a certain degree 

like yes of course have a kiss pretty baby 

but also it will only be a small peck

any time anyone passes by like common rooms you two will be there snuggling on the couch, one or both of you completely passed out 

damian wayne

business major 100% 

or a bsba econ major, which is basically the business side of economics 

he has to take over his father’s company one day duh 

also i genuinely think damian would excel in this field 

he’s a very keeps to himself kinda guy in uni

like you only ever see him in your common classes and then he just

disappears 

anyways there was this party that everyone was going to, and damian wasn’t planning to

but dick accidentally read some groupchat’s messages and was like are u going

damian went 🏃🏻‍♀️

but dick was like go and try to make friends !!!! 

and dames cant say no to his big bro 🥺 so he goes

stays in a corner on the settings app the entire time

like half an hr in he just leaves and is walking home/back to his dorm when you come like rushing up to him 

you’re zooming 

and then you just latch onto his hand and lean up to press a kiss to his cheek, whispering in his ear “this person’s been following me for like 15 mins just please go along w this” 

he kinda stiffens but when he does notice that there’s a person eyeing you he slips his arm around your waist and just carries on walking

he walks you to your home/dorm and is like

so awkward 

but it’s okay ! ur a people’s person enough for the two of you 

you thank him so much over and over 

and then you’re like 

“can i take you out on a real date?” 

and then he becomes ur real boyfriend hehe

is still super stiff but it’s only bc he’s so hyper aware of how attractive you are

and i’m super positive he doesn’t have that much experience with dating so 

you hold the reigns 

but he’s a great boyfriend all in all tbh 

super attentive, super protective, and so loving 

isn’t into pda especially on college campus but he does like subtle pda

things like linking your pinkies or giving you his hoodie to just parade around campus hehe

end note; i’m sorry if these feel rushed or anything like. i used to be an avid writer for the batboys, but i just haven’t been feeling it lately. i still love to write from them bc i know these boys so well eeeeppp. anyways feel free to request some more!!

[catxsnow]

BELIEVE IN YOU G.L.

Request: Could u do a gar imagine where gar loses control and kills someone and the reader is the only one to come to his defence when the rest of the titans start acting differently around him. I feel like gar needs a hype man bc he's constantly second guessing himself.

Warning: mentions of blood, death, fluff, gar being a lil cutie as he does

A/N: I don’t really have anything to say so I guess I hope you guys had a good day/will have a good day. 

Word count: 3.2k

If there was one person in this world that you would trust with you life, it was Gar Logan. Gar was the kindest, sweetest person you had ever met in you life. He never failed to make you smile and he continuously showed just how resourceful he could be. There was never a time that he would give up, especially when it came to protecting his friends.

Gar never failed to to make sure that his friends knew that he was there for them. Whether it was out on a mission, or within the tower, he was there. When Rachel needed comfort, he was there. When Jason needed someone to talk to, he was there. When you needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there.

So when Gar lost control protecting you and his teammates, things changed. All Gar ever wanted to do was keep the people he cared about safe. He was still under the affects of what Cadmus had done to him, and keeping his tiger under control was far harder than it ever had been. He never wanted to hurt people, and yet he had no choice.

The mission Dick had you guys on was supposed to be an easy one. Something that just you and Gar could handle. Things had gone bad, fast. There were far more men there than expected and the two of you couldn't handle all of them on you own. A bullet passed through your suit and into your side. It was just a graze, but it was enough to slow you down.

Gar had no choice but to shift into the tiger if either of you wanted to make it out alive. While he had, he also didn't realize the lack of control that he had as well. When he saw one of the men try to grab you and shove you into their car, he had completely lost all sense of what was right and wrong.

The man that held you was mauled beyond repair. Those who hadn't already been taken down, were long gone. Gar, as the tiger, stood over the man. He hadn't looked at you, but the second his green fur was covered in blood, you weren't sure if you wanted him to notice you.

Finally, he shifted back into himself, realizing what he had done. Blood dripped down his chin, covering his neck and chest. His hands too were dripping with another man's blood. Gar finally looked over at you, petrified that all he would see in your eye is fear. You knew him well enough that this wasn't his fault.

The wound you had caused far too much blood loss and you were starting to sway on your feet. He needed to get you back to the tower, but he also feared of what the others would think.

He was right to worry too.

When you had arrived back at the tower, Dick and the others surrounded you with worry. They tended to your wound immediately, but as soon as you were patched up, all attention was on him. Gar had to explain that he had killed a man saving you.

Surprisingly, it was Dick that had taken it the worse. He had killed many people in his days as Robin, he had no right to yell at Gar for doing so. Not when he barely had control, Cadmus had done this to him, it wasn't like he wanted to do it. Yet, he was still yelled at for killing an innocent man. Even if he wasn't innocent at all.

When Dick stormed off in anger, Gar was the one that reminded by your side. You were passed out from being so weak, but Gar was just happy to see you alive. He grasped your hand in his and pressed them against his forehead.

Tears of shame and anger shed. He hated that Dick was mad at him for something he couldn't control. It wasn't like he had intentions on killing that man, it was the last thing that he wanted to do. He was already haunted by the others, he didn't need another on his list. Gar was furious at himself for losing control again.

But when he saw you getting taken, he couldn't stop himself. You were the person that was always on his side, he couldn't lose you. The tears got worse and worse until suddenly he was sobbing with dread. He had killed someone, that wasn't something that he could just take back.

The blood on his skin was dried up and he was acutely aware of just how disgusting he felt. Gar ripped his hand away from yours and bolted out of the room. He needed to shower, he needed to get rid of every trace that he had ever lost control.

It felt like hours that he was under the water, scrubbing away every drop of blood until his skin was raw. What would you think of him when you awoke? That was his biggest concern. Dick had already made his argument, and by the looks of it, Kori and Rachel were on his side. Jason would be too if he was still around.

Reluctantly, Gar turned the shower off and stepped out. A towel was wrapped around his waist as he sprawled out on his bed. The door to his room was open just ajar, but he couldn't get the motivation to get up and close it. That night wasn't suppose to have this turnout at all.

The creak of his door opening wider caused him to force his eyes shut, he didn't want to hear another lecture from Dick. "I heard you the first time, Dick."

"Didn't hear it from me." Gar's eyes popped open and he jumped up in his bed. You were standing in his door way, leaning against the frame. You skin looked pale from the blood loss and he could see your hands shaking.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," Gar scolded. He joined you at your side a swung your arm over his shoulder as he walked you his bed to sit. You winced as you sat, which didn't go unnoticed by him. It should have been him that got that bullet, not you. Things would have turned out completely different.

"Had to see if you were okay," You shrugged. Gar sat beside you. He didn't notice that his hands were also shaking until he saw them next to yours. You reached out to grab it, stopping the both of you. "Whatever Dick told you, he's a hypocrite for saying it. He's hurt a lot more people than you ever have, and ever will."

"He's not wrong though," Gar sighed. "I lost control. What if I had gone after you next? What if there were more people there? Innocent people?"

"Sleep, Gar," you finally spoke after a long pause of silence. You couldn't deny that for a split second, you worried that you were next. Gar would never hurt you, but the people at Cadmus? That was a different story. Your hesitance spoke loud and clear to him: you feared him.

You stood up from the edge of the bed, pausing at his side to kiss the top of his head. Gar leaned into your touch, soaking up every ounce that he surely wouldn't get again. How many more of these accidents would it take for him to be kicked off the team? How many more until no one trusted him again?

As badly as he wanted to avoid sleep and the nightmares that would follow, he couldn't stop the black void from taking over.

><

Gar noticed the difference with everyone in the tower by the next morning. Dick refused to acknowledge that he was even in the same room. Rachel avoided his gaze, she never thought he would be able to pull what he had. Even Kori had trouble sparking a conversation with him. You were the only one to send smiles his way.

The entire day, he moped around the tower, sticking to his room as much as possible. This treatment that everyone was giving him couldn't last wrong, right? He knew that he had made a mistake and he was doing his best to correct it. But how do you fix something that can't come back?

That night at dinner, you had missed the presence of Gar at the table. It had been quiet since Jason left, you didn't think it could get any worse - but without Gar, it had.

You found yourself tossing and turning for hours in bed that night. Your wound still flared up in pain at every movement and would for a while. There was no way that you were going to be able to sleep, and you were sure the boy in the next room couldn't either. That was how you found yourself knocking at his door at three in the morning.

You stood there for several moments, wondering if he was sleeping or even if you had awoken him. Just as you were about to leave, the door creaked open and the small amount of light coming from the hall lit Gar up. He was in his boxers, but eyes wide awake.

"Figured you couldn't sleep either," you told him of your prediction. Gar opened his door wider for you to step in.

"Why'd you come here?" Gar asked. He sat down on the edge of his bed. His sheets were all messed up and you knew that he had the same problem of not being able to stay still. You hadn’t talked to him much that day which led him to believe that you had the same judgement of him as your teammates. 

"Because last time I couldn't sleep you came to my room and slept next to me so I could," you reminded him. It had only been a few months ago, but it felt like years. Nightmares plagued your for weeks on end before Gar finally offered you some sort of solution. You never expected it to work, but you had slept like a baby that night.

Gar huffed out a breath of air as a half smile graced his face. It was the first sign of any happiness you had seen from him all day. Gar remembered that night vividly. He could remember your scream of horror as you woke up from you nightmare and running into your room to see if you were okay. It was a simple gesture of seeing if you wanted him to stay, but you had never been more grateful.

"Did you come here for me, or for you?" Gar asked, finally meeting your eye since you came in.

"Mutual benefit," you shrugged. "It's just an offer, I can leave if you want to be alone." Gar's heart rate rose at your counter-offer. He didn't want you to leave, not when you were the only person that seemed to still trust him.

"Stay," Gar decided. You nodded, crawling into his bed as he turned off the light by his bed. Small cracks of light from the city penetrated his blinds just enough so that you could see the outlines of his face. The two of you laid side by side and quietness over took once more. "Thank you."

"You mean more to me than you know, Gar."

><

You woke up to an empty bed and a sore side in the morning. Gar was gone and if it wasn't for you being in his room, there would have been no sign that you had even slept in the same bed.

The bandage that covered your side was shaded red and you knew that you must have popped a stitch sometime in the night. Whether it was before or after you got to Gar's room, it needed to be fixed. So, you left the warmth of Gar's bed as his scent lingered on your skin. You had no idea where he could have gone to, but you had a more pressing matter at the moment.

The door to the med bay was propped open as you stripped your side of the bandage. Blood covered your stitches and it was evident as to wear you had tore them. After washing it down, you braced yourself for the pain that would come with doing a quick stitch on yourself.

It didn't take long to fix what you had torn, but it wasn't a pleasant experience. Your eyes burned with tears as you held them back. As soon as you were done, you put a new bandage on and covered it back up with your shirt. No one needed to know that you had torn them, there was no need to cause worry.

"Where were you last night?"

"Fuck! Rachel! Don't do that," You scolded, hand over your heart to get it to stop racing from the surprise. She was sitting at the kitchen table with her feet propped up and a bowl of cereal in her hand. A coy smile was on her face, curious as to what you had been up to. "I was here."

"Your door was open all night and you weren't in your room," She continued on with a mouth full of food. "Did you just come from the med bay?"

"Yes," you rolled your eyes at her curiosity. "I had a few stitches rip, not a big deal." Maybe if you ignored her first question, she wouldn't push on with it. Thankfully, that was the case. Rachel didn't try to stop you again as you headed back to your room.

Although sleeping next to Gar once again had helped you sleep, exhaustion still wore you out. You worried about his connection with the others. Dick wasn't pleased about Gar's actions and you weren't sure if he would ever change his mind about it. Truth be told, you thought that he was just a little scared of Gar.

As kind-hearted as he was, he was powerful. Losing control like that, but against everyone would be devastating. Although you understood Dick's concern, he wasn't taking it well. 

You knew it too when you heard him and Kori talking about Gar.

Finally, when Dick's harsh words got to be too much, you had swung your door open with anger written on your face. He had no right to be saying that Gar was a lose screw to the team or that he was unsure if he belonged there anymore. Not after everything that he had done - what Kori had done too.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Your chest huffed up and down with frustration. "You're the team leader, Dick. You shouldn't be shunning Gar for his mistakes you should be helping him through them! Don't you think that he fucking regrets what he did? He didn't have control! You know what Cadmus did to him and you're not even considering the lasting effects!

"And you have no right to judge for accidentally killing someone when you've killed so many on purpose. If you wanna keep up at this self-proclaimed leader bullshit, then you better step up to the fucking plate because right now you're being an inconsiderate asshole.

"I would have died if Gar hadn't done anything. If you wanna kick him off this little merry band of heroes you have going on, then count me out too."

"(Y/N)!" Dick called after you as you walked away from all of them. You didn't turn back, but simply raised your middle finger at him. You might have been harsh to Dick about the truth of his actions, but he needed to hear it. Nothing frustrated you more than Dick not realizing how much of a hypocrite he was being.

The door to your room slammed with so much force that it rattled the walls. Dick clearly wasn't expecting an outburst from you - if anything he thought you would have been on his side. You were the one there, you saw just how vicious he could be when he didn't have control. Out of everyone there, you were the only to stay by his side.

Someone knocked at your door as you angrily paced around. "If you're here to talk, Dick, I don't want to hear it," You yelled. The door cracked open and you nearly slammed it back close until you saw the tuft of green hair peak through. "Gar," your voice softened. He slipped into your room and closed the door behind him.

Without having time to say anything, Gar had thrown himself into your arms with his head tucked into the crook of your neck. You didn't hesitate to hug him back. "Where were you this morning?" You quietly asked. He had heard everything you had said for him, but you didn't wish to talk about that at the moment.

"Woke up early, decided to go clear my head," Gar mumbled into your skin. Though he had slept better with you by his side, it still wasn't enough. But hearing you argue against Dick for him? That meant more to him than you could ever imagine. He never would be able to stand up for himself like that, and you had done it without thinking twice.

Gar woke up that morning with you in his arms. That hadn't happened the last time that you had slept with him, but it was a comforting change. The smile on your face as you slept warmed his heart like never before - you had never looked so peaceful before.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from you. You could see the exhaustion written on his face from his previous nights. Gar didn't deserve this, he was the last person in this tower to deserve something like this to happen. Your hand reached up to his cheek, thumb swiping away the tears that he didn't seem to notice.

"Thank you," Gar trembled. His eyes were red and his whole body seemed to shake with anxiety. "For having my back, I know it's not easy standing up to the people you care about."

"I care about you, Gar. It's easy to stand up for the people that you care about, no matter who it's against," You assured him. "This wasn't your fault, no matter what Dick says. I know you, I know in your heart that you would never mean to do something like that. I believe in you, more than you know."

"You mean more to me than you'll ever know," Gar repeated your words from the other night. It was the truth, you meant everything to him. He wished that he could express how much he truly cared for you - just as you wanted for him.

"Stay with me tonight?" You asked. Truth be told you didn't want to let Gar out of your sight. You didn't want Dick to try and lecture him again, and you certainly didn't want anyone to spoil this better mood you got him in. “Mutual benefit and all, right?” 

"I wouldn’t have it any other way."

[imasimpforshanks]

Hello <3 Can I ask for Angst alphabet with Coby ?~ thanks a lot <3

Angst Alphabet - Coby

a/n: BRUHHHH HIS WAS SO HARD TO DO BC HES SUCH A SWEETIE 😭😭😭😭😭💗 regardless, I hope you like it! x

ALSO - please note reader is a civilian and not a marine (but coby is still a marine). It was just easier for me to write it this way !!

A- Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

Coby wouldn’t exactly blame himself, but he would feel really weak. It would be lots of comments about his own worth and capabilities such as: “I’m still too weak” or I’m never going to be strong enough”. (kind of similar to Zoro in that sense).

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

He would try to be as honest and as upfront as possible, but he gets really anxious and just starts stumbling over his words ending every sentence with “ya know?”. In the end, he just uses every cliché in the book because he can’t remember or seem to find the ability to say what he really wanted to.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

This dude is far too much of a sweetheart to ever make you cry. If you were to cry because of him, it’d be because of how much time the two of you have to be away from each other. He hates having to leave you because it’s always a lot of tears on both sides.

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

He would be devasted. Crying in front of anyone and everyone he doesn’t care. Coby would also become really unmotivated and go through a little bit of an existential crisis like “What’s the point of this anymore?” “what am I even doing?”. Eventually he’d remember how much you believed in him, and how much good he could really do in the world – so, he’d keep going. For you.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

Honestly, Coby is someone who is extremely open and expressive. He doesn’t (or maybe it’s more accurate to say he can’t) hide his emotions. That’s just not who he is. He expresses openly whatever emotion it is he is feeling.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

He genuinely tries to avoid fighting with you at all costs. Nothing between the two of you ever escalates that far because Coby manages to talk the two of you out of whatever tension has been built.

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

It’s not necessarily guilt, but Coby still feels as though he owes Luffy his life. Because of Luffy, Coby was able to become a marine. It’s because of Luffy that Coby continues to work as hard as he does. Most of what has happened in Coby’s life is all thanks to Luffy and because of that, he feels as though he has a debt he can never repay (even though all of this happened because luffy was just being luffy).

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

Having to be away from you for long periods of time (obviously because he’s a marine) is really painful for the both of you. It can but quite a bit of strain on your relationship as long distance isn’t easy.

During a break-up, his mind would be all over the show. At work, he wouldn’t be able to focus properly which would cause many problems for not only himself, but others around him too.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)

Panic mode: activated. All his focus is shifted to you. He forgets about everything around him and is set on trying to get you help. He doesn’t even try to take down whoever, or whatever, caused your injury. You are his one and only priority in that moment.

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

The sweetheart would feel so nervous. He’d keep to himself and try to avoid you for a while because he can’t stop thinking about how much better off you would be with literally anyone else.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Coby is definitely not the type to kill for revenge. He hates all the killing and death that happens in the world. He’s a person who is all about trying to stop the cycle of hatred. so despite the anger, pain and hurt he would be feeling he would put all of that emotion aside, and settle it a different way.

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

During Marineford when marines (and pirates) were dying left and right, Coby was shocked. It was far too much unnecessary death. Witnessing all that death was an emotional overload, but it did lead to one of the most pivotal moments of his life.

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)

Unfortunately, it was something entirely out of his control. But one time he had to leave for a mission with the Marines in the middle of the night. He couldn’t tell you anything about it or why he was leaving. He just had to up and leave.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)

Sometimes Coby has nightmares about Marineford. The constant voices and cries of agony form an endless loop in his sleep, gradually getting louder and louder until he screams himself awake. After waking up in a panic he manages to calm his breathing. Then, Coby gives himself a pep talk “that is why you’re working so hard. To become strong enough to be fleet admiral so nothing like that will ever happen again.”

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

As with the fights, I don’t think Coby really gets mad at you. Probably over something minor like you ate the last cookie or something. It’s not anger, he just gets pouty until you say you’ll make it up to him.

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

Having to do your relationship long distance was a pivotal point for the both of you. For most, it can be a deal breaker and it comes with more negatives than positives. But, for the two of you, it was a wake-up call, and, it was the moment you both realized “I can’t live without you, we will make this work”.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)

I wouldn’t say this is dangerous or toxic idk (???) but ANWAYSSSSS. Coby lacks certainty in his own decisions. He’s not so bad now, but it used to be a lot worse. He second guesses himself too much, which can be the difference between life and death in a high pressure situation.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around))

Being rejected by you would definitely impact his self-esteem. It’d bring up a lot of insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. (PLS DON’T REJECT THIS PRECIOUS BOY).

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

Coby does have a scar on his head. It’s not entirely certain when or where he received this scar, but it’s likely to be from his rough training with Garp.

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)

No, Coby has never broken your trust. In fact, your relationship is held up by the unwavering trust the two of you have in one another. It may seem funny to say that, because trust is a vital element of any relationship, but it’s particularly the case for you two. Being a marine means there’s going to be quite a few things he can’t tell you, but you know he can’t tell you and he really appreciates how much you understand that.

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

He’s had to learn to cope with not seeing you for long periods of time. But, despite all that practice it’s still unbelievably difficult. When he can, he’ll write you letters to keep you informed about his safety. He won’t ask, but he’d really appreciate if you wrote him back.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)

I genuinely don’t believe he would lash out at you. He just wouldn’t. Maybe, he’s slammed a few doors, but other than that… (sorry I feel like this one is boring af ugh).

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)

Coby always felt weak and incapable in his abilities. Sometimes those feelings resurface. But honestly, he trues to avoid this by remembering how and why he is where he is. He thinks of all the people who have helped him along the way (Luffy, Garp etc.) and it motivates him to push forward.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

He hates needless violence. He understands in some situations violence is necessary, but, then there are some situations (like the end of marineford) where lives are being lost for no reason whatsoever.

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

He wants nothing more than to openly be BFF’s with Luffy. Given the two different worlds they live in, it’s just never going to happen, despite Luffy being a genuinely good person. (I KNOW THIS IS MEAN TO BE ANGSTY BUT I COULDN’T HELP IT LMFAO)

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

Oh boy. There would be endless amounts of tears. Through sniffles and snot, he’d be trying to thank you for everything you’ve done for him, all the love and support you’ve shown him.

[teenitinygod]

I’m not too good at thinking of ideas but maybe a hc of Chuuya (he’s my fave asdghf) with s/o whose ability is to detect/manipulate emotions? Or maybe a fluff scenario where Aku’s s/o secretly tries to kiss him when he’s asleep! Ooo ooo or one where Dazai keeps trying to get s/o to leave him bc he believes he’s bad for her but she’s not falling for any of it? These are just suggestions you don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna, PLS DONT KILL ME T_T ps ily you one of my fave tumblrs 🌼

I love you more bby- I did the Dazai one!

———————————————————————————————————- Dazai pushing his s/o away!

   Dazai wasn’t one to get attached, that wasn’t his thing, he laughed at falling in love, and scoffed at the thought of getting in a relationship. The deep sorrow that constantly filled his soul was unwavering and no matter what he did, no matter how many people he saved, it wouldn’t go away. The endless depression that came with being so empty inside became tiresome to deal with, so Dazai resorted to distractions. Those distractions varied and came in different forms. His new distraction was you. You were pretty, straightforward, not one to beat around the bush and bullshit anyone. That’s probably the main reason you caught his eye. You were fun, someone to laugh with, open minded and didn’t mind his 3am calls to come over. You were easy to keep a mask around, you didn’t pry, didn’t question, didn’t press at the unknown, his bandages, his past. The way you smiled and blindly followed his lead was almost endearing, he realized that being near you made days just a bit easier. He liked what you both had built, your unlabeled relationship made life a tad more bearable, simple, dare he say normal. Like he had a shot at happiness. And then came night.   

  One night. One night was all it took for what he had built to come crumbling down. He cursed himself for not being hyper aware of his actions, not being able to detect the way your eyes shined with deeper emotions when he was around, the little things you did to be closer to him. It didn’t hit him until in the afterglow of intimacy you muttered words he never thought he would’ve ever had to hear from you. In that instant his brain raced, wondering if leaving or not was the best option. You cut his thoughts off with a voice of understanding, pressing your face against his shirt, telling him that he didn’t have to say it back. Against his better judgement, he pulled you closer, drifting off into a night's rest. Yet Dazai lay awake, retracing his steps, grinding his teeth at the fact that he had done something he'd sworn not to do. Even if it was just a bit, he’d become blindsided by the distraction he created, addicted to the temporary relief you gave him of the metaphorical pillow that pressed against his head.       

That night was the start of many nights that started with intimacy and ended with a cold bed. Your once contempt attitude about the undefined nature of your relationship dissolved, succumbing to the angsty title of demanding partner. You didn’t want to be that way, but you couldn’t help the feelings of dread and chipping of your pride as Dazai fucked you in the night and left before the sun rose. His lunch date requests came to an end, the talks about any and everything stopped as your regret for muttering your feelings grew. You weren’t stupid, you could see that there was something going on with Dazai, and maybe that fact made you regret confessing to him. You were dazed, in a faux-reality where Dazai would wrap you into his arms, whispering that he returned your feelings. Maybe you were too naive, too shortsighted, too narrow minded. 

That longing look in his eyes wasn’t something you can pick up easily, it takes being with him for a while, watching him, and you did. That subconscious part of you knew you were his distraction, something to take his mind of whatever he had been going through, that’s why you didn’t press. You didn’t question the bandages, don't question the suicide, welcome him into your arms, home, and bed in the late of each night. Deciding that you’d had enough of pitying your past mistake, you decided that you would go to the agency and talk to him face to face. Five weeks had gone by since that night, not long enough to clear the awkward tension that squeezed your lungs as you both walked the calm streets of Yokohama.The sun was setting, the soft tones of the sky blended outwards as the day transitioned to night. Neither of you dared to speak first, not that you were scared, but what were you going to say? How were you going to say it? You paused, watching as Dazai took notice and turned towards you, an expectant look on his face.

“I know, I know that whatever we are was never meant to be something more to you, it was never meant to go any further than mindless sex and shallow talks. I’m not stupid and neither are you. I can see that look in your eyes, that desire for something you clearly feel that you don’t deserve. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like i’m the answer to your past, some miracle person that sets you free from the pain and trauma from what was before me. But I won’t apologize for my feelings, I stand by what I said, and I don’t want to let you go,” You confessed, voice unwavering as your toes dug into the soles of your shoes. Dazai’s face held a stoic expression, brown eyes that bore into yours, like he was trying to figure out your motives, like he was staring at your soul from the inside out, and it gave you chills. 

“I think it’s best that we go our separate ways,” Dazai responds, hands forcing their way into the bottom seams of his coat pockets. Your eyebrows furrowed, fist clenching harshly as you denied his words.“I don’t want that and I don’t think you do either. I want to figure this out, frankly I don’t give a shit if you don’t think it will matter. If you decide you don’t want to be with me after, fine. But don’t take me lightly, don’t brush me off because I know my worth. I’m willing to put up with whatever you're looking for,” Your words are sharp as you take a step towards him. The stinging of your nails pressing into your palms are somehow soothing. His expression doesn’t change and you sigh.

“I can’t make you want better for yourself, I can’t make you see yourself the way I see you, nor can I make you want to try to make this work. But I do know this, I do have feelings for you Dazai, I’m willing to do this, make this work, I’m willing to see this through,” Dazai shifts on his heels, feeling the breeze of the spring evening comb through his hair. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to be a distraction. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet, here he was, standing on the sidewalk as you poured out your emotions to someone you knew nothing about. It was laughable, but he knew you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t mean it. So with a tiny smile he pulled you into his arms, taking in the scent of your hair and the warmth of your body, now realizing how much he truly missed you. You both stood there for a while, knowing this was only the beginning of something, neither bad nor good at least he wouldn’t have to be alone. And underneath the setting sun as he held you close he felt a little more whole. 

[1000-directions]

rbb because it gave me a heart attack #trauma and also ughhHhhHhhhh bc mood

lolllllll people in marvel fandom do NOT understand how some of us suffer when they abbreviate their reverse big bang as rbb!!!

this was the original draft of my winterhawk reverse big bang where clint is a musician and bucky is a trust fund kid who ends up joining the army or something and they’re boyfriends and then they break up and eventually get back together and it’s told partly in flashbacks and it was just getting TOO complicated to write and felt joyless and was making me completely miserable, so i threw it out after 2500 words and wrote winterhawk punks in love instead, which was the correct choice.

i will never finish it, but here is what i’ve got in case anyone is interested:

There are a lot of different things Clint could have done with his life.

Well, no. That’s a bit of an exaggeration.

But there are several things Clint could have done with his life. Multiple things. More than one thing.

But he doesn’t think any of those other things would have ever made him as happy and crazy and pissed-off and satisfied as singing does.

Whenever anyone asks, he’s very careful to call himself a writer. A composer. A creator. A musician. Like the making of the thing is the part that motivates him. Like performing is just an afterthought. Like singing is just something he has to do so the music makes sense. Because he knows he’s not a great singer. He’s passable. He can keep a beat and hit all the notes in his limited range, and he gets just enough inflection and passion into the words to make people feel a thing, sometimes.

He’s good at the writing. He’s good at the deceptively simple arrangements. His voice is the least he has to offer, and he knows it, and it feels kind of foolish and indulgent to especially savor the part that he’s objectively the worst at. But Christ, he loves doing it, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

*

The two of them had ditched work early, saving up all their smoke breaks until it was suddenly 2:40, and the manager had no choice but to cut them loose. And even though they had permission, it felt like getting away with something, and Clint twisted his fingers into Bucky’s grasp as they ran down the sidewalk together. Clint darted recklessly into the intersection, and Bucky jerked him back at the last second as a truck came barrelling past, honking furiously at the two of them. And it was so close to being bad, but it was fine, fine, fine, and Clint laughed as Bucky shook his head, and Clint linked his arms around Bucky’s neck and kissed him right there in the middle of the street.

They were twenty, and they were in love. And nothing was serious but that.

It was a hot summer at the shore, and they were living in a shitty beach house with three other friends. They spent their mornings and afternoons scooping ice cream at a popular local shop that was more famous than good. And then at night, they’d go drinking at the scummier bars that were a little more lax on carding, or they’d build a bonfire on the beach and drink Yuenglings purchased with Clint’s really good fake ID. And inevitably, someone would have an acoustic guitar, and someone would start shouting out requests, and they’d get drunker and noisier as the night went on.

And then Clint would grab Bucky’s hand with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and they’d strip down to nothing and run into the ocean in the dark, screaming down the moon. And then they’d huddle together in one towel, letting the fire dry their hair until it was curly and crispy. And then they’d all stomp out the fire and gather up the red Solo cups, and Bucky and Clint would push their two futons together into one rickety big bed, and they would fall asleep in each others’ arms, salty and sandy and worn out.

Bucky woke up early most days to go for a run. He was in the Army Reserves, and he had to stay in shape, and Clint certainly wasn’t complaining about what the workouts did for his boyfriend’s physique. Clint was starting at technical school in the fall, studying to be an audio mixer. Things would be changing soon, but not just then.

That summer, time was lazy and endless. Bucky would come back from his run and lay his sweaty body down on top of Clint’s, kissing him awake, and they’d rub off against each other until they both came. Or they’d dart away from their friends in the middle of dinner, running up to their room and barely getting the door locked before Clint was shoving down Bucky’s pants to get his mouth on his cock.

And some nights, they were painstakingly tender, just kissing for what felt like hours before they even took their clothes off. Bucky liked things a little rough, and Clint liked things a little sweet, and they’d found something in the middle that was perfect for both of them.

“Just fucking hold me down and make me feel it, Clint,” Bucky would say sometimes, and Clint would kiss his jaw and tug his hair a little and fuck into him harder until Bucky was crying out beneath him.

It was their first summer, and everything was perfect.

*

At thirty, Clint is starting to fall into the sorts of routines that a younger version of himself would have detested.

Even worse...he kinda likes it.

But there’s just something soothing and comforting about knowing what’s ahead. Sure, it’s romantic to think about being a starving artist, but the reality of it wasn’t so sexy. Turns out that if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. And sometimes in the music industry, you don’t get paid even when you do work. So Clint works his ass off. All the time. He’s still riding a bubble, and he’s gonna ride the hell out of it until it breaks.

He wakes up, and he makes coffee. He fills his travel mug, and he and Lucky take a lazy walk through the park. Clint listens to the birds chirp, and he slurps his coffee, and he hides behind his sunglasses and doesn’t make eye contact with any of his well-meaning neighbors. Too early for that shit.

He goes back home, and Lucky inevitably fucks off somewhere to nap while Clint stretches. He’d tried meditation, but he can’t bear being quite that alone with his own thoughts. He can be alone with his body, though. He runs through his muscle groups, mindfully and thoughtfully working out the best way to stretch his sternocleidomastoid or his serratus anterior. He likes how he feels afterwards, all loose and wiggly, and it puts him in a good frame of mind for a morning listening session.

He has a second cup of coffee in his sunroom while he listens to the playback from the previous day. He combs through voicenotes and reads old journals, idly recalling stories about himself. He doesn’t create anything just yet. He listens with an open mind. And then he listens a second time, and he absorbs, and he makes notes about what he likes or how something could be different.

And then he sets a timer for forty minutes while he has lunch in front of the TV, and he fucks around on his email for a bit, and sometimes if he eats real fast he jerks off. And sometimes if he’s been seeing someone, he texts them, catches up, makes plans for later. Sometimes he plays video games. Sometimes he remembers to water his plants.

(Mostly, he jerks off.)

And then it’s back to work in the afternoon. More coffee. More listening, but this time with editing, rerecording, rewriting. He creates new voicenotes. He jots down new lyrics. He thinks about things he wants to talk about someday that he’s not ready to talk about now.

And then in the late afternoon, he ventures out of the house again. He goes to a cafe, or he grabs some more coffee, or he goes to the bank or the grocery store or the mall. And he exists among people, the way his therapist told him to. And he smiles at three strangers, and he overhears people’s conversations, and he reminds himself that there is an entire universe outside his head, just like there’s an entire universe inside of it.

And then he goes home, makes dinner, jerks off, swaps his coffee for whiskey, waits until he gets really, really tired, and then…

Then he fucking sings.

*

They got the band name from one of the weird, macabre love poems that Clint was always painstakingly copying down into his notebooks, trying to record the bits of weird beauty he saw in the world that mirrored the strangeness he sensed inside of himself. He felt less alone to see strangeness in others.

My darling, I will love you until the winter hawk cleans my bones And in her desperation, she will discover that my flesh only tastes of you

“It’s so gross,” Bucky had said with a curious sort of awe, and Clint felt so vulnerable in the silence that followed, because it was gross, but it was important to him.

Clint wanted to be so fucking in love that it chewed him up. He wanted love to shred him with her talons. And he could imagine himself getting there with Bucky. He thought they could be epic. He was still holding back some secret parts of himself, but if he let those go, he thought he could love Bucky so hard that it consumed him and he finally, finally lost himself.

And Bucky kept staring at the words scrawled in Clint’s notebook, traced his fingertip over the blue ink, following the same pattern Clint’s pen had taken as he’d lovingly copied down the words. And there was a furrow in his brow as he read and reread, and just as Clint thought he might explode from the anticipation, Bucky looked up at him with a small smile.

“I get it, I think,” he said slowly. “The desperation, I mean.”

“Yeah?” Clint wasn’t sure he was even breathing anymore, he was so close to losing it.

“The way a predator becomes a scavenger,” Bucky said thoughtfully, and there it was, that nerdy side of Bucky that Clint loved so fiercely. “Taking the scraps if that’s the only choice you have. Being just...so hungry.” He ran his thumb over Clint’s wrist, and Clint shivered.

“Hungry how?” he managed to croak out.

“Feel like I could just eat you up sometimes,” Bucky murmured. “When I first met you, I didn’t think you even liked me at all.”

“I did, though,” Clint protested weakly. “I was crazy about you from that first time I saw you.”

“I didn’t know it,” Bucky said. “Didn’t even know if I really liked boys or not, but I wanted you, and it felt like….” He frowned and looked at his thumb slowing arcing over Clint’s skin. “Felt like it didn’t even matter if you liked me back. Just me liking you was so much. And I would have eaten any scrap of anything you gave me, baby.”

“And now?” Clint asked, and his heart was an out-of-control metronome.

“Same thing now,” Bucky said, chewing on his lip. “Any bit of you I could have. I’d eat up all you gave me and I’d starve for more before I wanted a single damn bite of anyone else.”

“I love you,” Clint had whispered then, the first time he’d said those words out loud to anyone.

“I love you, too,” Bucky had replied, a hopeful smile breaking across his face and scrunching up his eyes, and Clint was so terrified and relieved and happy that he could barely stand it.

They pushed their mouths together and tried to kiss, but neither of them could stop grinning long enough to make it work.

*

Clint goes to therapy once a month. He takes his Lexapro every night. He has a notebook full of therapy homework, and he makes lists of his accomplishments and his failures, and when he goes to therapy, he shows up with an agenda. He is working to fix multiple parts of his life. He makes progress in different areas, a step on one path, a leap on another, a little stumble here. He’s an amoeba, and his pseudopods creep towards his goals, engulfing and consuming one after the other, slow and steady.

Get a dog? Check.

Learn how to cook healthy(ish) meals? Check.

Spend more time outside? Check.

Stop being so hateful towards myself? Check(ish).

Learn how to have sex with someone without falling in love with him? Check.

Learn how to have sex with someone without immediately thinking of Bucky afterwards?

Well.

It’s a work in progress.

*

Something flashbacky about being deaf

*

Clint’s newest album is called Mono Songs for a Stereo World, and all he’s finished so far is the title and the concept.

He connected with Tony Stark at SxSW last year and drunkenly talked his ear off about his idea to create songs for people with hearing conditions, mixed specifically to accommodate their abilities. He’d woken up the next morning with a raging hangover and a three minute voicemail from Tony describing the prototype software he’d slapped together. And now they’re...not exactly partners, but Clint comes up with ideas, and Tony turns them into reality.

And now Clint has all the technology he needs to create a fully customizable digital album. Fans will be directed to a website that tests their hearing, determines what wavelengths they can detect at which volumes, and then Tony’s tech will generate a downloadable version of Clint’s album that sits perfectly within their range of hearing. It works flawlessly. They’re probably not going to make much money off of it, but Clint’s been working his whole life towards something like this, and he can’t believe how close he finally is.

So all he needs to do is, like. Find some inspiration somewhere and write ten to twelve songs and then record all of them and mix them once and then feed them into Tony’s algorithm and re-mix the songs and then do maybe 40 test mixes on each one.

Simple, really.

*

It was easy for the two of them to form a band. Clint was always writing his weird poetry, and Bucky loved it. Loved the sound of his voice wrapping around the shapes of his words. And Bucky was good enough with a guitar, and it was just one more way for them to be together. It just made sense.

They called the band Winterhawk, and sure, Clint probably always took it a little more seriously than Bucky did, but that was Clint. He threw himself into everything like that back then, reckless and headstrong and passionate and unafraid. He loved Bucky so much, and he loved the band so much, and Bucky loved him and the band, too. Maybe just a little less, but still plenty enough for Clint.

Summer ended, and they found a reasonably priced studio apartment in the city. Bucky paid most of the rent, but he had a trust fund he was still working his way through before his parents disinherited him, plus he made great tips bartending.

wip title game

[aquariusgod]

i know this is an astrology blog but HOW CAN I GET RID OF DEPRESSION

I’m not a therapist & I definitely suggest going to see one if it is something available to you. A lot of places have at least one mental health facility per county that will accept you even if you do not have insurance.But, knowing that people under 18 follow my blog, I’ll answer with little tips & tricks that help me alleviate my depressive symptoms.

• Balancing time with others & yourself. This is super important, as you don’t want to isolate yourself, but you also don’t want to avoid your problems all together. If your depression happens to stem from a situation, ignoring the issue will prolong your depression, which means you’ll need time to assess it alone or with the help of others (preferably an adult 21+ or that is very experienced & kind). If your depression stems from a chemical imbalance, spending too much time with others may cause a “crash” when you’re alone, making it feel like the symptoms are worse than before. This is hard to master, so try as hard as you can. • Your Sleep Schedule, fix it. Personally, when I’m depressed I’ll sleep for what feels like days at a time. Up at 1pm, asleep at 3am. Sometimes up at 4pm & asleep at midnight. It’s a real mess! Remember, if you aren’t sleeping right, you can’t eat right! It’s hard to totally just fix your schedule on a whim, so try & set up little coffee dates with friends earlier in the morning to force yourself awake. • To Cancel or Not To Cancel. 90% of the time, don’t cancel your plans in favor of depression. Unless your day is particularly bad, try & go out anyways. Even if you message them telling them you’ll be a little late, or may want to leave a little early. Keeping up with plans will grant you structure, even when your sleep schedule won’t co-operate.• Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner. Don’t forget to eat! Ever! Growing up, my diet fucked me over HARD. I was always out of energy, constantly depressed, and lived off of snacks & caffeine. It worked, technically, but not for the better. Even if you can’t have a full meal, try & just grab something. Maybe an egg for breakfast, a quick sandwich for lunch & some McDonalds for dinner. Work up the ladder. Make sure you have some protein. (So if you need something quicker than an egg, peanut butter toast is fine). If you’re eating light meals, bring snacks wherever you go. Again, healthier the better. Oranges, imo, are the best. Apples & Banana’s bruise & get disgusting too quickly. Oranges will last you for as long as you need them & taste fucking delicious. (If you’re not into fruit, again, peanut butter crackers for protein, cheese sticks, those “healthy” chips, ect).

Yeah, that’s all pretty basic. You’re gonna hear that shit a LOT. For probably ever? Here are some of the things that may be more specific.

• Everyone has somewhere that makes them feel calm, productive, and naturally feels alleviating. For me, it’s the shower/bathroom, with the water running. I feel like a total dick, but also, I feel something. So, when I’m depressed, I tend to take 7-10 showers a week. Sometimes even more! (My skin doesn’t like me very much, though). • Some people for more comfortable talking about what depressed them than others. That’s okay! If you’re able to talk about it with friends, do! If you aren’t, you don’t have to keep a journal or anything. Just try & talk to yourself & remind yourself that the depression isn’t permanent, you’ll find a way out.• Energy Renewal. Honestly, I spend one day a week away from everyone. Everyone. I text people (who I text everyday) and make plans for the following day. Otherwise, radio silence. I do stuff on social media, study if I can, and sleep. It’s not the healthiest, but usually if I’m extra depressed due to lack of a social battery, I feel a little better the next day.• “Self Care.” Yeah, you hear it a lot. This doesn’t have to be washing your face & using a face mask. This doesn’t need to be a bubble bath. Sometimes, it’s just curling up on your couch with your favorite blanket & remote in hand. Try & DO something relaxing, & don’t fall asleep. Reading a book is the best, but not something I’ve managed to make myself do in a long time.• Try & find something that seems to be a root of situational depression (whether it’s the general situation or if it’s a stressor thats made your depression worse). Try & work on it. Find out what it is, why it’s there, and what to do to “fix” it. Can’t fix it? Address it. Apologize, if you did something wrong. Address your fears. Hold a candle to the madness & tell it to fuck off to the plane it came from.• Avoid self-sabotaging behavior. Avoid impulsive behavior. That means no suddenly downloading tinder & fucking the first match you get. That means using a condom even though you don’t care if he nuts in you. That means no going online & buying 7 outfits you won’t wear because you’re having a hard time getting out of your pjs rn. It won’t be motivation. That means no drugs, unless prescribed. Try to keep from arguing with others (esp those you care about). Keep messaging your significant other. Don’t seek affection elsewhere if you’re in a relationship. The easiest way to put this is to be mindful of how you Fuck, Spend, Interact, Intake & Love. It takes a lot of practice, but try & identify if you want to do something because you like the idea & it sounds good, or you feel like it may feel good momentarily.• Look at the drugs you’re on, if any. If there is something prescribed to you, talk to your doctor about it & depression, and whether or not there are any medications that may not have that side affect for you. Changing medications can help significantly, especially if you’re taking birth control or something else for mental health / hormonal treatment. Seek out alternative medication with your doctor, in order to find something that both works for you & doesn’t harm your mental health.

Again, when it comes down to it, these MAY help. These are tips & tricks. The most important thing I can tell you — and I cannot stress this enough — is seek professional help. If it is not available to you physically, there are many online professionals through apps & sites. If you are scared of both of those, even seeking help of a trusted adult (teacher, family member, guidance consoler) is helpful. Someone who is a listening ear who can provide you proper guidance.Even then, only a therapist will be able to work with you in the necessary ways to completely do away (or help significantly) with your depression.

& I want to point out these things are NOT easy when you’re depressed. I’m currently going through a bout so hard I only eat maybe once a day, & that’s typically only when I’m starving. My sleep schedule is literally 4pm - 3am bc I don’t want to wake up. The only time I feel something is when I’m with friends & even then I tend to feel withdrawn. It is NOT easy. Do what you can. Go a little at a time. Do NOT beat yourself up if you don’t start tomorrow, but do try. The most important thing is, while it doesn’t necessary help your depression: stay away from things that can harm you. Don’t impulse spend, don’t fuck strangers, don’t do illegal drugs. These will only hurt later on, whether fiscally or otherwise.

[altruistic-meme]

alright my dudes, this post is going to go deep. in it, I'm going to talk about some rather triggering content. under the cut I'm going to tell you about my personal experiences with the mental illnesses I have and just basically try and give you an understanding as to why I sometimes act the way I do. so if you care to read, and reading won't in any way negatively affect you, then click that read more. if not, feel free to scroll on, no hard feelings. sometimes you aren't feeling up to reading dark shit and I can respect that, I get that way too. now, with minimal further preamble, the undercut and what lies beneath...

(potentially triggering content includes: discussion of depression and anxiety and  mentions of self-harm and suicide.)

well hello there, and welcome to the undercut. I'm about to take you on a journey through the messed up part of my mind. I'm gonna try and keep this short and to the point mostly.

A QUICK THING; it's probably going to be very incoherent, and if you are confused about something or would like more information about something, do feel free to visit my inbox or messages and ask! a lot of people are very uncomfortable talking about this stuff and lbr, I kinda am too, but I'm making an effort to speak up more about it, and to reach out a hand to those who need it, as I never really had one put forth for me. so do not be shy to ask about anything, that's what this post is about, hm?

let's just jump right into this, shall we?

HERE WE GO; I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND MILD-SEVERE DEPRESSION.

neither of which are fun, lemme tell ya. (and I am totally in awe of people who have either or BOTH and are out there, working and being an adult in general like damn. u strong. go u.)

a disclaimer before I continue: this post is about MY PERSONAL experiences with these illnesses. this is NOT a post about the general symptoms of these illnesses. if you relate to anything I say in this post, I'm v v sorry that you are going through this, bc it's hell, not gonna lie. anywho, I had better see 0 bullshit about "oh, you don't have x bc you don't do/feel blah blah blah" not everyone goes through the same stuff, dipshit.

moving on.

symptoms yayyyy;

Anxiety: -I am extremely socially anxious. -this means going up to the counter to ask for a take-out container for leftover food at a restaurant? u m no. -talking to strangers? no. -it is also really hard for me to talk to little kids or older folks. -and then there is also; feeling anxious (wow) -having 209745 worst-case scenario's go through my head. -trying to sleep and instead having my brain interrupt and tell me "hey ya know what's cool? thinking about how you could mess up x" -actually that happens a lot. -a general thought process for me; "am i good enough? do I look okay? do I act like an idiot? am I charming or stupid? am I cool or a know-it-all? I talk about myself too much. what else can I talk about? them, talk about them. but that doesn't work either. I don't know what to say." -not fun. -and that is just what came immediately to mind. there are lots and lots of different variations. -don't even get me started on how doing my school makes me feel. -and a metric fuckton of second-guessing. -no panic attacks yet but I have felt like I was close to having one often.

Depression: -just. suicidal thoughts. let that sink in a minute. -also thoughts of self-harm. -like there are days where looking at a knife will make me want to cut and I have to hold knives on a daily basis pretty much so not fun. -can we see that self-deprecation?? yeah we can. -constantly wondering if my family loves me. -don't even get me started on my friends. -hiding in my room bc it's literally the only place where I feel kinda safe from myself -except for when I remember that I have scissors in here. -enjoying things I used to love whom?? -times where I have to take a minute to psych myself up for little tasks like carrying my dishes to the sink. -i n s o m n i a. all over. -some days I lose all will to eat, or just my appetite as a whole. -motivation?? don't know her. lack of motivation is the only one here.

ah, yeah, let's stop there for now.

another interrupty thingy!!: bc I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume at least some of my friends will read this, there are two things to assure you of; YES I know you love me but depressions goggles make it hard to remember that sometimes. and PLEASE don't freak out over the first 3 items on the depression symptom list I'm fine. I will explain in just a sec.

okie? okie.

so now ya know! not fun! kinda terrifying actually!

"oh, well, Ac, why don't you just try sleeping more? or going outside more? or drinking water? or eating regularly? doing yoga?"

all very good suggestions. yes, they CAN help improve mood, but at the point I am at, they aren't going to help much.

and for the sleep part, lemme tell you, I KNOW FULL WELL that I should sleep more. but guess what? I can't. like, I can. not. sleep. I want to sleep. I enjoy sleeping, I enjoy being fully awake during the day and I enjoy not feeling and looking like a fucking zombie. but you know what? Anxiety and Depression by themselves usually make it harder for people to sleep. combined? I'm fucked. sometimes, yes, I get a regular amount of sleep. but also sometimes I don't. I'm not yet sure what it is that triggers me into either cycle, but they can last from two months to four days.

and OK. I get that you have your ways of making yourself sleep. but you don't understand. I have had to sit through the same speech from my mother about "just picture a blank wall" 6. TIMES. your methods are yours, and while I'm very glad they work for you, it is highly unlikely they will work for me.

okay now, if you got worried when you saw the first 3 symptoms under Depression: I really do appreciate your concern, and I am touched that you care. I'm not going to say it's ok bc of course it's not, it's very not ok, but it is something that I am and have been working on. the first time most of these thoughts hit and hit hard was November 2017, and immediately after I calmed down from them I decided that I had to talk to my mum about going to therapy.

this started a kinda long process including telling my gf, my friend, and my sister before telling my mum. and then of course when I did tell her in December we weren't able to actually try and setup an appointment until January due to being out of insurance. and ofc after that we find out that the recommendation I had gotten the previous year for anxiety was expired and this resulted in me having to go back to the doctor, then to the ER bc that was the only way to get their on-hand therapist to come that day, and then I had to spend 2 hours there bc they were v v concerned and I was almost admitted for a few days bc of my thoughts.

and yeah, it was a mess.

but I do now have a therapist who I've been seeing for a few weeks, and we have a safety plan in place, and he was v v impressed with my knowledge on coping mechanisms and just my symptoms as a general.

random story: when I was maybe 14 I had already self-diagnosed that I had some sort of Anxiety disorder, and I mentioned it out loud in front of my two sisters and one, who had had panic attacks that had sent her to the ER before, was like ah, yeah. and the other one, who as far as I know STILL doesn't have an anxiety disorder let alone had one back then, said basically "no you don't. god. like, I believe that you have anxiety bc everyone does but you don't have REALY anxiety" which is, ya know, why she didn't know why I was going to therapy until my mum told her several weeks in (and even then idk if she evens knows the full reason, but she hasn't asked me so fuck that)

anyway, i'mma try and wrap this up now!

tl;dr, basically; I have Anxiety and Depression. I have had suicidal thoughts (in the past and recently) but I am working to get rid of them, and until such a time occurs, I do have a plan for if they show up that will result in me being protected and safe. I have coping mechanisms and I use them whenever I feel like I need to, and sometimes when I don't simply bc I enjoy them. I'm currently in once a week therapy with someone who let's me talk and laughs with me when I crack a joke and listens to my stances on issues. I know that you have your methods for things, and I'm very glad they work for you, but do NOT try and force them on me.

I hope you now understand a little bit more about me and why I sometimes react to things the way I do.

have a great day, month, year, life.

~Ac

[set-phasers-to-whump]

love and luck

Prompt: comfort (alt no.3)

Whumpee: Keith Curry

Fandom: Irregulars

hi here i am with a fic from a fandom that doesn’t actually exist it’s literally just Me and that’s all. which is such a shame bc irregulars is such a dope universe and i love the characters so much!!! on the extremely extremely unlikely chance that someone who actually knows what i’m on about is reading this, this is set sometime post-cherries worth getting, keith and gunther are like Together but it’s not super super serious yet...(also this isnt terribly whumpy but the focus is comfort so..its fine)

Keith Curry wouldn’t consider himself an especially lucky man. People who are ex-accidental cannibals don’t generally consider themselves lucky. People who had been anti-goblin to their coworker-with-benefits-turned-boyfriend who had turned out to actually be a goblin also don’t generally consider themselves lucky. Keith, boasting both of those accomplishments, had considered himself to be someone with a relative absence of luck.

The key word there being had. Because he can hardly say now that he’s unlucky. Not when he’s curled up in a squeaky hotel bed in San Francisco, with one Gunther Heartman sleeping peacefully next to him, hogging the blankets and breathing deeply. 

Keith is trying not to look at him too much, because the way the moonlight is filtering through the window is making him look absolutely beautiful, silvery and radiant and god, that sounds so cheesy, but it’s true - and Keith thinks he might love him, which is a little too much to be thinking at midnight, so he’s trying not to stare and trying to fall asleep and trying not to think about how he just might be luckier than he’d thought.

His resolute not-staring eventually gives way to sleep, and Keith immediately takes back his previous statement about having any luck as he falls into what he knows is going to be a terrible dream. 

He is standing in front of a stovetop, hand wrapped securely around the handle of a frying pan. A steak sizzles inside, seasoned to perfection and on its way to being medium-rare. Keith stares at it. He knows he’s dreaming, naturally, but that’s about all the control he has over the situation. Someone taps his shoulder. He turns around, looking away from the steak, keeping an ear on it so it won’t overcook.

“Gunther?”

Gunther nods, smiling, looking very pleased with himself. “Surprise,” he says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Keith’s cheek. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I just come visit my boyfriend at his restaurant for no reason?”

Keith flips the steak in the pan with a flick of his wrist. “No,” he decides, finally returning Gunther’s smile. “What’s up?” He turns away for a brief second to check on the steak, but when he turns back around-

“Gunther?”

He’s gone. Keith turns back to his steak, for lack of anything better to do.

Someone taps his shoulder again. He spins around, already yelling at Gunther for wandering off without telling him, and stops cold. Gunther stands in front of him, all gleaming white bone and red eyes and a gruesome smile-if you could even call it a smile-on what passes for his face. “The meat is going to burn,” he says, his voice sounding exactly the same as it had a few seconds ago, when he’d been...just him. 

Yet again, Keith turns back to his steak, feeling shaky and faintly sick. He looks into the pan. And screams. Sitting in the cast iron, cooking beautifully, smelling nearly done, is Gunther’s arm, or a cut of it, anyway. There is nothing immediately obvious on it to distinguish it as anything but an arm, but Keith knows, instinctively. He stumbles backwards, and a pair of arms wrap around him, pinning him tightly. “Keith…” says the voice he knows so well. But it isn't Gunther, can’t be, because part of him is cooking on Keith’s stove right now…. He fights frantically against the arms, flinging up an elbow. 

“Keith!”

“Stop!”

“Keith!”

He jerks awake, breath heaving, sweat dripping down his forehead, and flinches backwards when a hand touches the side of his head. 

“Hey, Keith, it’s just me,” says Gunther’s voice, but the last time Gunther’s voice had spoken to him, he’d been cooking on Keith’s stove, so the reassurance does nothing. 

He’s trying desperately to get himself under control - he’s had plenty of nightmares similar to this before: cooking people, Gunther being a goblin and him being not okay with it, but the two combined is something uniquely horrible. 

Before he can think about whether they’re really at the talking-deeply-about-their-deep-seated-issues stage of their relationship, which is surely what is going to happen eventually if he goes down this path, he’s crying and trying frantically to explain the whole situation to Gunther, which goes quite poorly and consists of a few garbled sentences, sobbed out breathlessly into the dark.

Gunther, for his part, is momentarily startled into inaction, having never really seen Keith cry before, but instinct takes over soon enough, and his arms wrap around Keith in a move that would be very comforting if Keith had just been dreaming about anything else. 

Instead, though, Keith jerks backwards, tumbling inelegantly off the bed, which, if nothing else, jolts his mind back into reality. “Ow,” he says, and laughs thickly, his throat still clogged with unused sobs. 

The light beside the bed clicks on, and Keith glances up. Gunther is standing above him, concern etched deeply into his face, and Keith laughs again, and then suddenly he’s back to crying, and he’d try to hide it but he’s pretty sure that bridge has long been crossed, so he just looks to Gunther helplessly instead. 

Having learned from his previous error, Gunther sinks down across from Keith, leaning against the edge of the bed, not reaching out to touch him, but sitting close enough that Keith can initiate the contact, if he wants. “It’s okay,” he says, because he doesn’t really know what else to say.

Keith shakes his head and sniffs. “You wouldn’t say that if you - if you knew what I was dreaming about,” he says, and buries his face in his knees. 

Gunther sighs, and very cautiously extends his foot to press against Keith’s leg. When he doesn’t pull away, Gunther speaks. “I don’t care what you were dreaming about,” he says. “You can’t control it. And you can tell me, if you want.” 

Ordinarily, Keith would stop the conversation there - he’d say something like, “that’s nice, but I don’t want to talk about it,” and leave it at that. But he’s still slightly out of it, and more than a little freaked out, and if he loves Gunther (how can he not?) he supposes he should talk to him about this kind of thing. 

So he does. He recounts the whole dream, not sparing a detail, refusing to look Gunther in the eye. When he finishes, he finally looks up, half afraid of what he’ll see in his boyfriend’s face. 

Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been this - pure compassion and concern and caring, so openly painted across his features that it damn near makes Keith start crying again. 

“Can I touch you?” Gunther asks. “It’s okay if you say no, I just-”

Keith nods after a second’s consideration. He feels less jumpy now, and the nightmare’s intense feeling has begun to fade, so that when Gunther’s arms wrap lightly around him, he just feels Gunther, and not the snow goblin or the cooking meat of his dream. 

He melts into the embrace, trusting Gunther to hold him up and keep him steady. 

--

Some time later, they’re both back on the bed - sunlight is peeking through the curtains, Gunther is chewing on the end of a cigarette and flipping through the case file, and Keith is leaning his head on Gunther’s shoulder, a hot cup of coffee in his hands and a warmth settled over his heart. 

Maybe he’s luckier than he’d thought, he reflects. Maybe he’s not. Maybe his luck doesn’t matter quite so much as what it’s led him to, which is this: he’s staring at Gunther, every bit as gorgeous in the early morning as he was in the moonlight, and Gunther has abandoned the case file and is looking right back at him with a look Keith doesn’t want to name on his face, and it’s a lovely morning in a grungy hotel which will turn into a less lovely afternoon chasing down a cannibal on the streets of the city, and he is in love.

If you read this i love you but also….why?? If you just read this bc you thought it seemed fun or whatever but you’ve never read irregulars then Please I Am Begging You read it i am the only person in this fandom and i’m Lonely!! And if for some miraculous reason you read this bc you Know What I’m Talking About then please for the love of all that is holy hit me up bc as i said i am All Alone. Anyway regardless of your motives thanks for reading!! I hope you have a lovely evening!

[markwhyareyousodaddy]

Roommates (Part 1?)

Summary: When you’re forced to rent out your extra room, Im Jaebum was the last person you expected to have to share your living space with… luckily, he keeps things interesting.

Genre: romance, hot roommate (I think i just made up this genre???), prbly smut later tbh (sorry)

Word Count: ~1000

A/N: Hey guys/gals/all!!! Okay so this is my first ever like real original content so it may be a lil rough but let me know what you think and all that fun stuff!!! I’m thinking about continuing it and adding some… ya know… but it will all depend, so for rn it’s all pretty chill.  Also special thanks to @jaybleep​ bc Julia helped motivate me enough to do this and I 10/10 recommend following her if you don’t already!! 

UPDATE: Part 2 is now posted! 

UPDATE (AGAIN): So is Part 3! (and now Part 4!) 

“No, really, it’s fine Jen. I completely understand. I could never ask you to turn down a job offer like this,” y/n said, sighing into the phone.

“I’m so sorry,” Jen began, “I feel awful backing out on you like this, especially knowing how steep the rent is going to be without me”. She allowed her fingers to absentmindedly trace the rim of the coffee mug sitting in front of her while apologies continued flooding through the phone. After being inseparable since 6th grade, the two were both excited to finally share a small house together. It took months of searching, but eventually they stumbled upon the perfect place… well, what was the perfect place.

“It’s only for a little while, I promise. My boss says the move will be a year, max. Then I’ll come back and we can live the way we’ve been planning to!” Jen chirped, her speech optimistic and excessively bright. Y/n knew her friend’s overly happy tone was just a strategy she was implementing as an attempt to cheer both of them up, but it did bring her some comfort regardless. 

“You’re right, you’re right. I think I can manage for that long,” she teased, trying to hide the still-lingering disappointment from her voice. Jen had been working in the same accounting firm for a few years now, and had been offered a higher-paying position if she was willing to temporarily relocate to Cincinnati. The idea of being without her for such an extended period of time was difficult to think about, but y/n knew this was an opportunity of a lifetime for her best friend. 

“Thank you so much for understanding, y/n. You’re the best. I have to go, but text me if you need anything.” The friends exchanged quick goodbyes before hanging up on one another. She cleared her mug and now-empty plate from the table, dumping the remainder of the lukewarm coffee and rinsing her dishes off before placing them in the sink. Silence filled the air around her, and morning sunlight streamed in through the windows. Although the house was already beginning to feel a little more like home, y/n was quickly beginning to realize it wouldn’t be the same without her best friend there to share it. Deciding not to dwell too long on the phone call, she surveyed the floor littered with boxes before walking over and plopping down in the center of the chaos.

*** 

Four hours and twenty boxes later, a majority of the unpacking was done. Filled with a sense of accomplishment, y/n stood up and strolled to the freezer for a well-deserved serving of ice cream.  As she passed her phone sitting on the kitchen counter, she noticed a series of texts left over two hours ago from Jen.

I don’t know how, but I totally forgot to mention that I found someone to take my room in the house!! I’ve got so many things going on rn, it must have just slipped my mind. 

His name is Jaebum. I don’t know him, but he’s my older brother’s friend from college and needs a place to stay for a while I guess.  

Apparently he’s pretty cool and won’t cause too much trouble for you. He’s looking to move in tomorrow actually (sorry I literally suck, I have no idea how I forgot about this???), so just lmk if it’s alright with you and I’ll give him the okay

Y/n’s thoughts were soon clouded with worry. Before she’d even been given the chance to fully process the idea that Jen would no longer be her roommate, she was already getting a new one… and one of the opposite sex, for that matter. The idea of a guy living in such close proximity made her uneasy. After all, she had been expecting to lounge around in her extra large pajama shirt all day on Sundays, and be able to walk freely down the hallway without pants on. Surely she couldn’t do those things with a stranger present. Even worse, the possibility of him being a horrible human being loomed in her mind. Granted, Jen’s brother usually had nice enough friends, but there was no saying what this one would be like. Before y/n got too lost in her own thoughts, she punched out a simple “sure” to Jen, deciding it would be best to let him move in tomorrow instead of waiting anxiously for a few more days. Fear overwhelmed her, and she nearly threw her phone across the room after hitting send, not wanting to look at Jen’s response and face the reality of it all. 

***

After a long night, y/n was jolted awake at 7:30 by the chiming of the doorbell. Dragging her feet, she shuffled down the hall, wondering who in their right mind would want to move in this early in the day. When her hand finally brushed against the brass knob of the door, she flung it open.

“You know,” she began while yawning and clearing the sleep from her eyes, “you didn’t have to…” her voice caught mid-sentence as she suddenly forgot how to breathe. Standing in front of her was a man slightly taller than average height, combing his dark hair back with his fingers, which were adorned with a few silver rings. Although he was dressed in a simple blue t-shirt and dark jeans with a black backpack casually slung over his shoulder, he still looked like something out of a magazine. He waited to see if she would finish her statement before awkwardly clearing his throat and offering his hand.

“So… I’m Jaebum. You must be…”

He was stunning, almost too much to take in at once. His even skin was a light toffee color with a slight pink tinting the full lips that graced his face. She noticed several hoops peppering his ears while his narrow, deep brown eyes gazed intensely at her, waiting for the response she should have given thirty seconds ago instead of observing him like he was a piece of classical artwork.  

“Y/n,” she replied, practically choking on her words.

“Y/n…” he repeated tentatively, lowering his outstretched hand and giving her a concerned look. “Well, uh, nice to meet you I suppose. Is it alright if I start to move my things in, or are we going to stand in the doorway all day?” he chuckled. After a few more silent moments, she wordlessly stepped back and raised her arm, motioning him inside. 

[allofthisnonsenseplease]

Gonna preface this one with a note about how we’ve done a couple plot ideas where Jack and Gabe adopt a daughter and they have a cat named Bunny. The cat in particular comes into play here, and there’s a bit of angst throughout, getting stronger toward the end. File name for this one is ‘Jack clings to ghosts.’

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 okay, but, 76 always making sure to have some food for the stray cats around the places he stays. he never names any of them, 'cause he knows he'd call them bunny or rabbit or something

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 QOQ there's one in particular that reminds him of bunny though, painfully so, and he ends up accidentally favoring her To the point where she follows him home and won't leave

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 oh noes!! ; ; she keeps insisting on curling up to sleep with him the warmth and purring as he's sleeping cause him to dream about the past

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 QOQ he usually sleeps on his side with his legs curled up and she likes to sleep either nestled between his chin and his chest or behind his knees sometimes she'll even settle behind his neck He'll wake up to her meowing and demanding breakfast and for a moment it's so much like how it used to be that it's disorienting

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 one morning, he woke up thinking he could feel Gabe's scratchy beard against the back of his neck, and the warmth of soft kisses...turns out the cat was licking him

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 qoq he rolls over and pulls her into his chest, needing something to ground him for a moment

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 ;n;

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 It's embarrassing, but sometimes the only thing that keeps him motivated to survive is thinking about what would happen to his cat if he didn't make it

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 orz

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 She really enjoys his jacket Along with marks from bullets and blades and other wear and tear are a few claw marks from where she kneaded it They're mostly on the inside, tearing up the lining

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 which means he walks around with a cat tucked into his jacket -^^-

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 OMG he isn't very good at sewing but he remembers a few things from Gabe and installs a huge messy inside pocket for her to hide in

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 omg <3

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 before he knows it, this cat has become the cornerstone of this new life of his

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 oh god jack

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 he needs SOMETHING to hold onto and it's all too easy to invest himself in this tiny creature that depends on him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 ;;

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 omg he has an encounter with reaper when he wasn't expecting it. He gets caught off guard and ends up against a wall with reaper's hands around his throat. And then his cat pokes her furry little head out of his jacket and reaper stares

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 ffffffffffffffffffffffffffff reaper you can't kill him in front of his bby

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 reaper that would be too cruel she sniffs at him and, apparently unaware of the danger, starts purring in the hopes of getting pets from this new person XD She is a very trusting kitty

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 omg reaper calls her bunny and that's how jack figures out who he is XD

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 LOLL Gabe awkwardly shows up at Jack's safe house wanting to play with the cat LMAO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 X'''''''''''D they re-bond over the damn thing Jack keeps scolding him for calling it Bunny II they get jealous over who it pays more attention to Gabe complains about Jack's sewing and fixes his jacket with a better cat pocket

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 AWWWWW Jack takes a nap and the cat of course joins him and Gabe's cold dead heart utterly melts

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 omg. he lays down with them JUST TO BE NEAR THE CAT GODDAMMIT and falls asleep on accident

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 AHAHAHA THE CAT WAS DOING THAT SWEET SLOW BLINK AND PURRING IN INVITATION AND HE COULDN'T RESIST HER she is very happy curled up between them

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 heehee got them wrapped around her little paw

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 >w< Gabe wakes up to the cat licking his face and Jack's wide-eyed stare

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 it's either panic or play it off, so he just grumbles 'when's breakfast, honey?' it backfires. he'd never called Jack honey before, ever. Jack shoots up off the bed and out of the room so fast that Gabe nearly misses the look on his face. Nearly being the keyword. His own heart constricts, and he feels a bit sick over how badly Jack took his little joke.

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 QOQ SKSNDKSNA the cat startles upright and starts licking her fur down, looking pointedly annoyed at being disturbed Gabe buries his face in her fur and groans

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 nothing with jack is ever fucking EASY

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 Goddammit jack The cat comes wandering out to where Jack's angrily staring into his slowly filling coffee pot and hops up on the counter to nuzzle his face he wants to be mad at her but he can't

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 at least the cat loves you, jack

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 LOL

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 ((i mean, she doesn't, she just wants food, but))

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 XDDDDD MEAN

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 X'D

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 Gabe looks decidedly guilty when he finally exits the bedroom Jack snaps at him "get out of my safe house and get your own cat"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 ;; is this one of those times where we can fix it, or not yet?

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 idk mmmm qoq maybe Gabe leaves for the moment but he comes back a few days later with his own kitty XDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 XD

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 shrugs and says "well I got my own cat but I couldn't find a safe house so"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 THAT'S JUST GONNA MAKE HIM MADDER!

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 IT WON'T LET ME CHANGE CAR TO CAT I'M DYING LET ME LIVE DISCORD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 what if Gabe just hip checks Jack out of the way, and is all 'move over. i was always the better cook.' 'I'm not kidding, Reaper, I want you gone!' 'I'm not awake enough to fight. Let me make us breakfast first, Sunshine. We can kill each other later.'

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 Awwwwww Sweetpeas Gabe ignores Jack's next protests and lectures the cat on getting the counter (and subsequently their food) covered in cat hair

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 Gabe knows Jack will behave once food is served 'cause he was always really strict about table manners it's almost eerie how that stuck

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 Gabe slips the cat food under the table and Jack glares jack keeps trying to kick gabe out but the cat keeps getting in the way bc she Loves gabe and he can't kick her out too!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 XD jack. you're losing to a cat. YOU HAVE LOST CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 for example he has gabe sleep on the couch and takes the cat with him to bed and shuts the door but as soon as he settles into bed she hops up and starts meowing and pawing at the door so he lets her out and shuts the door and she goes to snuggle up w gabe

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 oh no! XD

firesonic152 - 08/01/2017 but then after like an hour she starts meowing again bc she wants to cuddle w jack now!! she just wants to cuddle w both of them but these stupid humans keep making it difficult!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/01/2017 XD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 omg. what if jack just gets too fed up to deal with his EMOTIONAL ISSUES and is finally just 'You know what, just take the safe house and take the cat! you fucking win! i'll find someplace else to hole up!' and storms out. and at first Gabe figures whatever, this'll make things easier, but the cat keeps bothering him until he finally tucks it into his coat and goes to look for Jack.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 AWWW has jack fucked off to a bar to drink his problems away bc i will be sad

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 i just figured gabe would find his sorry ass in a leaky hovel, miserable and halfway to catching cold. but drunk works too. he snaps at Gabe that he doesn't want to keep playing house with him

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 BOTH he grabbed some alcohol and then ended up in the hovel qoq

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 jack you sad sorry mess of a human being just go talk things out with your husband

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 SERIOUSLY the cat hops out of gabe's coat and curls up in jack's lap and jack makes a weird breathy hiccuping sound that is suspiciously similar to a sob

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 ; ;

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 he pets her head with surprising gentleness, shaking his head. he hasn't looked gabe in the face once. gabe kneels down and hesitates, then tentatively reaches out to place his hand over jack's. he takes his time, gives jack plenty of opportunity to move away, but jack doesn't take it.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 :eyes:  does he softly ask Jack to come home???

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 YES the kitty licks away the not-tears on jack's face and he gives a stunted little laugh. "goddammit," he grumbles. "still can't say no to you." he's looking at the cat as he says it, but gabe wonders if it might have also been directed at him.

jack finally looks up and takes a breath, then nods. he carefully places the cat in his inside pocket, stands, and he and gabe walk silently back.

WAIT BETTER

gabe stands and offers jack his hand jack takes it but doesn't let go once he's vertical and they walk back holding hands qwq

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 ;u;

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 >w<

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 OKAY SO LAST NIGHT YOU SAID WE COULD COME BACK TO THE CAT STUFF LATER DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN MIND ? bc I need to know if u did

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 nothing in particular, but it kinda seemed too easy yo leave it there, you know? ^^; 'cause I mean, Jack's been kinda resistant to it the whole way

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 true Also it is hilarious to me that Gabe dropped everything to play w a cat

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 XD He is tired. let Gabe rest 2k17

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 XDDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 I guess, something like, Gabe takes drunk!Jack back to wherever they'd been staying and they have a talk once he's sobered up. Or maybe Gabe cheats and they have a talk while he's drunk and more likely to be honest, then Gabe follows up the next morning with a bit more understanding of what's going through Jack's head.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 I want a scene where Jack can't sleep and when the cat demands to be let out to join Gabe on the couch, he follows her, watches her cuddle up w Gabe, sighs, and smooshes himself into the corner of the couch

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 <3<3<3 Gabe is, of course, awake. He lets the silence go on for just a few minutes before deciding that it's not going to help anything.

"Can't sleep?" is a stupid question with an obvious answer, but it's something to open with. He isn't expecting much, but Jack grunts and admits that he's been having bad dreams. Neither of them had ever been terribly heavy sleepers, and SEP had only  made it easier to function with less sleep. Jack's term as SC didn't do him any favors in that regard, either.

Gabe offers a few vague details about some of his own--the ones full of fire and smoke, but not the ones where he wakes up, trapped in his own rotting corpse. To his surprise, Jack starts to share. What he has to say isn't what Gabe expected.

Jack dreams about him. About their daughter. He dreams about losing them.

His voice is flat and low, rough enough that it's hard to make out some of what he says. Gabe sits still and listens carefully. Jack doesn't give him much, but the fact that he said anything at all--and the nature of what he revealed--feels weighty.

It's an exchange that could easily shatter their unspoken truce.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 QOQ

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 It takes Gabe a little while to realize where Jack's honesty is coming from. He's been drinking. Must have started when he'd closed himself up in his room. Jack had always been a drinker, but never all that heavily until he had become Strike Commander, and not alone. He wonders how long that's been going on, then realizes how stupid the question is. Someone like him--like Soldier 76--couldn't exactly drink socially.

It's worrying. Jack's self-preservation instincts were never very good. Drinking alone, he's got fewer reasons to stop, to move on.

((dude i'm just rambling over here, feel free to jump in and...i dunno...dispose of the mess that is jack morrison))

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 SORRY GOT DISTRACTED BY THE STRANGER THINGS 2 TRAILER ALSO NOW I'M CRYING THANKS

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 aways happy to help

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 ALSO ALSO HE WASN'T DRINKING ALONE BC HE HAD THE CAT!!! cries more

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 oh! ohohoh!!! have you seen the trailer for A Wrinkle in Time??? =D I'M EXCITED!!!

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 i haven't :OOO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 i almost said that the cat doesn't count, but she prolly pushes the glass off the table, so good for her. I really loved the book series, and the trailer looks SUPER nifty!! =D

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 why does jack always end up an alcoholic somehow i'm so sad and eeee i'll check it out !!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 shrug emoji. seems to fit v well somehow

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 IT DOE does do deer ANYWAY XD does gabe call jack out on the drinking or let it slide for the time being to discuss later

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 Maybe he says something gently, and Jack just shrugs and curls away from him into the corner of the couch. 'Like you wouldn't've let me do it anyway. so i'd talk to you.' Jack pressing his face against the back of the couch, arms crossed tightly over himself as he draws up his legs. He whispers hoarsely, voice full of pain, unable to hold back the thought anymore and humiliated to voice it. 'i just want things to be the way they were. i just want to be done with all this.'

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 qOq Gabe aches to hold him but he's certain from Jack's body language that it would be incredibly unwelcome

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 Anger flares in Gabe's chest. Jack isn't the only one suffering, and he says so, quietly, trying to keep a leash on his temper, but not willing to let the point go. 'You think I don't wish for that? I wish I wasn't an abomination. I wish every breath wasn't pain. I wish we hadn't been too stupid to see all this coming and stop it. I wish--' He stops. Jack is saying something again, too low for him to have heard until he quit talking. He's apologizing, miserably, over and over again. THe anger dies down, smothered by pity.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 QOQ

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 'It isn't entirely your fault, Jackass,' Gabe says.

Jack huffs. The sound is a breath of bitter laughter. It's acceptance of his numerous sins. 'I wish I could have traded places with you in Zurich,' he says, and Gabe is startled by how raw his voice is. Jack means it, he really does.

'You wouldn't want this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.'

'It shouldn't be you. Was always afraid I'd ruin us, but I never wanted something like that to happen to you. Never imagined...' He sags, still curled up in on himself, but strains to look back over one shoulder. 'I'm sorry, Gabe. I'd take that burden from you if I could.'

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 SOBBING BC THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 'If you mean it,' Gabe says hesitantly, knowing that he does, 'you can take a different burden. Stop closing yourself off, Jack. I'm obviously not your enemy...not anymore. I...' He pauses, hating to say it. 'It's been lonely. You always understood me better than anyone. I miss that.' gag kill me

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 I CAN'T BC I'M DYING and during this whole conversation the cat is happily purring away on top of gabe

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 OH MY GOD BUNNY READ THE MOOD

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 IT'S NOT BUNNY IT'S A CAT JACK REFUSED TO NAME BC IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR HIS TINY EMOTIONAL CAPACITY

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 SHIT I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP XD

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 XDDDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 OH MY GOD RABBIT READ THE MOOD

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 LMAOOO HARE-Y

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 X''''''''''''''D

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 Gabe drops the cat onto Jack with the flimsy explanation that purrs are supposed to help stimulate healing

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 c'mon gabe just hug him. Jack drags his sorry ass across the couch and Gabe draws him in with welcoming arms. they cling to each other, being miserable together at least.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 WITH THE CAT NESTLED BETWEEN THEM qwq Gabe very tentatively kisses Jack and Jack leans into it and the cat is Not Happy w this development bc she is being squished

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 YOU PLAYED YOURSELF CAT Jack pulls back after a moment with a sharp intake of breath. Gabe sits up, chasing him automatically, reaching out but not quite touching, hands hovering over Jack and wanting so much to pull him close again.

'What is it, Jack? What's wrong?'

'Nothing. I-- It...hit me all at once.' His voice is thick and he presses a hand to his face. Gabe can guess at exactly what he means, because his own eyes are stinging with unshed tears. He whispers Jack's name and gathers him in close, pressing soft kisses over his face and hair as Jack slowly, slowly relaxes.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 THESE GAY OLD MEN!!!!!! I'M DEAD after an hour of being squished on the couch the cat stretches, gives them a meaningful look, and moves to the bedroom Jack almost laughs.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 what if they end up falling asleep on the couch, and so jack wakes up lying on Gabe and doesn't want to get up right away even though he knows he should, so he just stays very still and quiet...right up until Gabe laughs and hugs him tight. 'I know you're awake, Jack.' He's too pleased that Jack was reluctant to leave.

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 QWQ EEEE Jack grumbles that he needs coffee but he refuses to get up Gabe is like "I can make coffee if you let me get up" but Jack has no response to that other than to get more comfy

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/02/2017 jeezus jack that was a pretty quick change of heart XD

firesonic152 - 08/02/2017 XDDDD he's Tired

[frikkinbangtan]

things that fall | sneak peak

Pairing: JiminxReader

Genre: Crime AU; angst, fluff, action, drama, maybe smut

Rating: M for the series just to be safe, though there’s nothing too graphic in this bit

Warnings: Violence, strong language, (possible, future) sexual content

Word Count: 1500+

Summary: Things that fall -- Rain. Teardrops. Stars. Angels. Empires. Kings. People. You for him. You wonder, had you not met him that day, how differently would things have turned out? Could you have avoided this heartache? But to your surprise, you don’t find yourself wishing to go back to the beginning, to that crisp Monday morning in the studio -- even if it’s selfish, you don’t regret your choices because you were lucky enough to meet a boy with a smile like the sun. You were lucky enough to know a boy who saw you not as a monster, but as a girl who only wanted a second chance. You were lucky enough to be loved by Park Jimin, and that made all the hardship worthwhile.

A/N: alrighty, so i wrote this a couple of months ago, and it kinda just sat around bc it never showed up in the tag and i lost my motivation, tbh. but then!! bighit released all that love yourself content, stimulating my creative juices, so here we are again, my friends B) i hope you enjoy this little tidbit!!

“This isn’t going to work.“ 

You hate yourself for the words that pass your lips – not only because of the way your eyes burn the moment you speak them, but because they’re also the reason his smile drops, quickly replaced by parted lips and a furrowed brow and a confused gaze you can’t bring yourself to meet. You know if you look any farther than his chest, your resolve will falter, crumble into the shaky, broken mess it was to begin with. So you don’t look at his face, even as he opens his mouth. Even as he reaches for you, fingers gently encasing your own, you don’t dare to look up at him. Even as he grows steadily more apprehensive, more desperate, invading your space until mere centimeters remain between you, you don’t dare to look up at him. Even as he tilts your head up, you don’t dare to look up at him. You close your eyes instead. 

"Why?” His voice is as soft as his touch, but there’s a defiance you had hoped to avoid. “Can you tell me why?“ 

“Why? It’s pretty obvious why." 

"But I thought—" 

Your heart leaps into your throat as you attempt to end this argument before it can really begin, a scowl marring your previously neutral features. "I wanted to believe it would work, but who were we kidding?” Your smile is bitter with crushed hopes, and you finally make the mistake of looking into his eyes. 

Before Jimin, you didn’t think it was possible to feel warm from the way someone looks at you. Or to feel safe. It takes all you have to force the remainder of your explanation out, to say the words that will break your heart just as much as it will his. 

"I can’t watch you get hurt,“ you breathe, blinking away the tears before they have a chance to fall. "So I’m saying goodbye now before either of us have the chance to do something stupid." 

His lips curl into a smile tainted by regret. "It’s a little too late for that." 

A rush of fear, cold and sinking, rushes through you. "What do you mean, ‘a little too late,’ Jimin? What did you do?” Your eyes dart to where Jimin’s hands have moved to press upon his abdomen, spotting crimson that spills over his fingers and stains his skin, and it’s as if someone has punched you in the gut because you can’t breathe. You can’t think. All that registers is that Jimin is bleeding. 

Why is he bleeding? He was fine— 

Jimin collapses to the floor, eyes fluttering, and you throw yourself down beside him without a second thought. You cradle him against your chest and press your hands where the blood is still gushing, but no amount of pressure is going to help. You quickly realize that when the bleeding doesn’t slow no matter how hard you press against Jimin’s wound. A choked sob slips past your lips before you can stop it, and you bow your head until it rests against Jimin’s shoulder, still pressing with all your might because he can’t die. The boy with a smile warmer than the sun can’t die. The boy with arms that feel like home can’t die. The boy who made you believe you weren’t a monster can’t die. The boy who found out the messy truth and still chose to stay can’t die. That boy who held you as if you were made of porcelain when he very well knew you were crafted out of jagged steel, can’t die. He just can’t. 

Jimin’s hand upon your cheek elicits a quiet whimper from you despite your resolve to remain strong for him. Immediately you place your own bloodied hand over his, leaning into his touch as you try to slow your breathing and sniffling all the while. When you turn your head to meet his eyes, it brings on a new rush of tears to see his lips curved in a fond smile, warm and familiar and comforting. You wonder how the hell he can still make you feel like everything is going to be alright when you know everything is fucked. 

"It’s okay.“  

No, it’s not, you think, but you can’t get the choked response out. Jimin brushes his thumb across your cheekbone, further smearing his blood across your skin in the process, though neither of you care in the moment. His smile is watery now, voice thick with remorse and guilt as he speaks. "I love you.”

"Don’t,“ you sputter and squeeze his hand. "Please, don’t.” It’s all you can manage to say despite the words speeding through your mind. His lips part to respond, but his eyes flutter shut before he can, his hand going slack in your grip. You cry out in panic and try to jostle Jimin awake, desperate to hear his voice, to see his smile, to meet his eyes – to have the chance to tell him how much he means to you, how much you need him— but he doesn’t open his eyes. 

You do open yours, though. 

 Your body jerks upright, chest heaving and cheeks damp as your mind races with memories of a nightmare that you almost believe to be true because its ending is what you’ve feared from the very beginning of your relationship with Jimin. But you feel his arms around you before your panic can grow, wrapped about your waist and tugging until your back rests against his chest, and all the tension melts from your body. He presses a kiss to your bare shoulder before resting his chin there and speaking barely above a whisper. 

"Was it that night again?“ 

You shake your head and lean into him, reveling in his warmth for a few blissful moments before you finally respond. "No, it was something completely different this time." 

Jimin hums but doesn’t say anything else. He knows if you want to talk about it, you will; you made that clear a long time ago. 

"I lost you.” His chin leaves your shoulder as he turns his head to get a better look at your face, but you won’t look at him. “You died, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” Even now, when you’re aware it was only a dream, your chest aches as though your heart is being crushed. Even now, you can picture the scene as though it were happening right in front of you. Jimin’s reassuring smile, his hand upon your cheek, the blood pooling beneath your fingers – you’ve always been a vivid dreamer, and it isn’t the first time you curse your imagination. 

Jimin’s thumb brushes just beneath your left eye, and it’s then that you notice the tears blurring your vision. You breathe in sharply, squeezing your eyes shut as if to shut out the memory of your nightmare and praying that Jimin’s eyes haven’t adjusted to the dark just yet. You don’t want him to see the way your brow is furrowed or how tightly you have your lips pressed together, nor your hands which have balled themselves into tight fists. But you feel his palm against your skin coaxing your head to turn, and you know you can’t hide how terrified you are at the mere thought of losing him.

His lips press softly against your forehead.

"I don’t know what I’d do if—” You cut yourself off, holding your breath in an attempt to keep your composure, and Jimin takes the opportunity to shush you, wiping away the tears trailing down your cheeks.

“It was only a dream, Y/N,” he whispers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“But what if—”

“It’s not a possibility.” His tone remains gentle, but he’s firm in denying whatever worst case scenario you’ve imagined. And in his mind, those words are the absolute truth – there’s no way in hell he’s going to die and leave you all alone. You believe him, even if just for the moment, and you lean into Jimin, resting your forehead against his own. You sniffle a few more times as Jimin begins to hum a song you know you’ve heard but can’t seem to place and slowly open your eyes to see that he’s closed his eyes. While studying his features, so impossibly perfect, your eyes begin to droop; you know you won’t last much longer between the warmth radiating from Jimin, his arms nestled around you, and his humming, so you say what you’ve been meaning to say for quite some time before sleep can claim you.

“I love you.”

His eyes flutter open to meet your lethargic gaze. Your voice came out as a mutter, but he heard you all the same, and the smile that you receive in reply sends your stomach into somersaults and colors your cheeks crimson. Jimin presses his lips to yours softly, laying the both of you down and placing a few more kisses to your face – to which you whine at but thoroughly enjoy. You hear his laugh ring in the silence of his room and attempt to smack him, but Jimin easily catches your wrist and places one last kiss to your palm before laying it against his chest, beaming at you. Just before you drift off, you hear him whisper back to you, voice giddy despite the remnants of sleep.

“I love you, too.”