#bc there's no way you had TWO kids w autism and its not like i fucking begged to be told what i did wrong so i wouldn't do it again

[transgressionagainstthegods]

Realizing you were heavily abused as a child when you convinced yourself "it's not that bad/ it could be worse" has fucking hands

[vanweezer]

very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out

"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"

thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms

[poly-lights]

PART 2 TO MY II PREDICTIONS/WISHES/QUESTIONS (technically) SINCE YALL ACTUALLY KINDA LIKED THOSE?? and i have more!

please note btw that most, if not all, of this is not gonna happen bc they can't pack EVERYTHING into a 30 minute or so episode and not gonna lie some of these are my fixation talking and me being delusional. it's good to theorize though!!

lots of bias. let's get into it

i told my gf this BUT it'd be cool if there was a scene of trees changing, to represent seasons passing because it has to have been a year at most right

more lightbulb using her electrokinesis scenes plspls?????? like. she can just casually DO THAT....maybe have her use it for evil/J IM KIDDING. don't have her kill anyone

............................yet

another knife and suitcase scene, elaborating on the "making your presence known", how suitcase took it a different way, just a conversation if that makes sense

yknow. what was that roboarm in the gemory cave. and is it Still working after lightbulb powered it on.

unrelated but still.more so a question have we or will we ever get the full roommate list drop?? unless they're gonna wait for when s2 is done to not spoil anything

baseball and lightbulb friendship scene :] team captain style!

i think it's gonna release on OR near the anniversary, if the iii finale is so soon early into 2024 it gives slight time

can we get parent lore drop??? like hello?????? they cant just said what they said in iii ep 14 and never expand on it, so i have a heavy feeling its gonna get mentioned in s2 if not ep 15 specifically

im just hoping for lb centric, even if her lore doesn't match up well with the slams. pls im so autism abt her at this point its anything BUT funny

now here's some iii 18 predictions!! for fun :] and also me just rambling abt it (spoilers for iii 17!!!!)

those who left to the hotel come back for jury voting!! more importantly fan and pb please💥

bot and springy and gonna be near each other again next episode. springy may still try to pull some shit with bot, and, assuming so, if TEST TUBE IS BY BOT'S SIDE......

springy made that suitcase bot, so clearly he knows about season 2

we may just get ii 14 tt again. which i am HOPING for. idk i love seeing test tube ENRAGED for the people she cares about she's so fun and unique bc MAN that girl is angry. she's holding grudges against Two People

also. fan meeting bot? he is going to have such a big and hopefully impactful reaction!! pls he has his patterns and the sudden changes make him uncomfortable they need to mention this

if he knows about season 2......could he make, or has he made, toys of the other final four? again im just gripping at straws for an iis2 final four appearance

think abt it though. it's the iii finale. you think they won't do something big? considering mephone knows he has to go back? springy could easily torment him w that considering the whole "facing your past" theming

also walkie talkie is Totally associated with meeple. ik we've all figured that out but i just had to say something. very heavily focused on using electronics to better the future? implying robots taking over others positions?

also??? past contestants coming back SEEING the toys?? maybe. Maybe.

the entire episode could also just be a discussion and play on the ethics of ai and how it's affecting the writing industry by putting people out of jobs due to its advancement and im reading way too much into it but hey im putting my hard hat on and channeling my inner matpat for this stupid show about objects with limbs (/pos btw)

also. are they gonna leave floor behind??? or will they scoop him into a terrarium, then plant him into inanimate island?

can he teleport that far?? how far is paradise?????????? ae drop the map pls/silly

ALSO ALSO. WHAT ARE THE INANI-MATES?? IS N/A THE LAST OF THEIR KIND??????? i doubt it but STILL everyone else in that group died

hey. why is the background of the recap song the background used when the gemories formed the silhouette of cobs. hey now.

[hermanunworthy]

haiiiii... you asked for hermie asks so erm. what do you think hermie was like in chaparral (is that how its spelled?)

i imagine that as herman he was a regular good student- kind of uninteresting, not exactly memorable. almost forgettable.. chaparral feels like the more well funded, a bit more prestigious (like they get high grades or smth) but still a bit dull... this is purely to contrast with hemie's theatre kidness. yknow. But idr if it was portrayed differently (and i dont know how american highschools work) so uh what do you think!

hiya i was gonna respond to this last night but i ended up getting a massive headache so i had to go to bed early 😞

this is a REALLY interesting thing to think about, and something ive been trying to figure out! i think my idea of chaparral hermie/herman mostly aligns w urs. i imagine they really tried hard to blend in while also internally feeling a desperate need to stand out. their inclination for mischief probably manifested itself in more subtle, trivial ways, like cheating on tests and sneaking into classrooms and such. little things that wouldnt get them found out by their parents (bc they probably did before and it screwed things up for herman), but could still give them that satisfaction of doing something they werent supposed to. as a kid, i think they were more of a troublemaker, and probably didnt get along w other kids, bc they liked to pull childish pranks and maybe be a little rude due to low empathy (and ofc their scamminess and demonness agkdf). this probably concerned their parents greatly, and led them to be more strict w them, and for herman to conform more (aka just become more secretive. u know how kids are)

the way i imagine their physical appearance is like.... very normal and dull. black hair like their parents, shorter than they wouldve liked, no makeup, a manageable amount of acne to make them look like a regular kid, but not enough to seem gross. sucky bond levels of Average High School Kid, as much as they wanted to stand out. they tried to look as much like their parents kid as possible, even though it wasnt what they really wanted.

when they discovered their love for dc, they felt embarrassed about it and hid it from their peers and their parents, afraid that if they knew how intense and weird their interest was, they would have it taken away from them (BIGGG projecting here guys). they stole comics from the school library and hid them in their backpack. they wanted all kinds of dc merch and to go to comic con soooo bad but they kept it all to themself to the point of wanting to explode. their special interest was one thing nobody found out about, thankfully. amazingly

now. in terms of the mascot costume prank. what im really wondering is.... how much was the rest of the school on board w it? if it wasnt something herman did for the school itself, how was normal aware that it was something being planned? maybe... im thinking.... herman was like.. anonymously antagonizing the school and creating conflict between the two schools for shits and giggles. in my mind, herman was jealous of how san dimas students got to be so openly WEIRD and became.. a little obsessed w that school. ofc as soon as they saw that the school was doing joker as its play that year, their dc autism brain activated and they made their plan to infiltrate the school. doing tons of research on it, especially on the theatre department anddd the mascot!! bc they heard that normally oak swallows garcia was the WEIRDEST OF ALL. so this was not only a fun scam thing but a weird jealousy thing to get back at this kid they didnt even know for getting to be what they were never allowed to be. san dimas/teen high gave them a chance to be the person they had been born to be, and i think thats wonderful <3 (even though it led them to horrible danger and also to break a poor undeserving kids heart)

so! this ended up being more than i thought i had to say. but isnt that always how it is w me and hermie.... tldr i think chaparral herman had to mask a lot and hated it. thanks for letting me ramble gskdj !!

[vinnival]

WAIT I ACCIDENTALLY FOLLOWED YOU IS THAT MEAN?? UGH I DUNNO BUT WOULD IT BE ALR IF I ASKED FOR A MADNESS COMBAT MATCHUP,,

i don't really mind any pronouns but i use she her! i'm 5'5, and currently questioning my sexuality (ALL I KNOW IS IM NOT STRAIGHT BAHBAH) i have fluffy dark brown hair, shoulder length im pretty sure?? my hair is fucking whack, i have brown eyes, and my skin doesnt decide whether it wants to b light or dark, but most of the time it can b pretty light and i havent gone outside 4 a bit,, pls send help][pray]]

my personality is also very idrk,, weird?> it really depends on who im talking to because i have a fear of losing people but uhh,, i'm very playful and a bit harsh, i pick fights with people,, i really enjoy listening to people vent and helping them, some of my friends consider me to be a mother figure to them and it makes me super happy honestly-- i get angry easily and it leads to me saying prickly things to people or just me breaking things, im scared of making new friends and meeting new people because of the way i am, i tend to act like a cat like meowing, hissing, and stuff like that,, i also really like attention but like,, not too much attention because its just annoying, and im an asshole.

im currently obsessed homestuck and madness combat. I think true crime cases are really interesting to me, making games on roblox, and bullying little children on there

i didnt know if i should put this here but i have mental illnesses, such as autism, adhd, d.i.d, and other things that will make me feel like one of those people that make me feel kinda gross

I DONT KNOW IF THAT WAS GOOD MY ENGLISH SUCKS WHAWAAHBJNKFMLDS

I'll finish this when I'm done with all the prompts and hc requests!

finally..... after 2 months..... all done !! Here we go ! Enjoy <3

MATCHUPS ARE NOT OPEN YET

You got a match! You're matched with...

2BDAMNED

<3

First off lemme say: he'd love bullying kids on roblox with u

Oh yeah father figure with mom friend? Perfect match

He forces you to help him take care of the boys but u don't mind because you love him <3

Ngl he probably met you off of a random website that was miraculously still up in Nevada

Replied to one of your comments or something along those lines??

He said something silly n so you were automatically intrigued

"hey lol" -ur first text

lord u were NERVOUS

But !! You immediately hit it off w him! You both slowly but surely knew more about each other

He didn't fully trust you as a person (anyone can be out to kill him tbh) so he was restrictive, but he was confident in the firewalls and proxies he set up so AAHW won't find him

Alas after enough days he finally felt comfortable enough to meet you irl

You felt 100x more nervous, scared even, but you trusted him enough to only bring one gun

Finally, you two met, immediately growing comfortable in each others' presence

2B discarded the pistol and knife he had hidden away, and you tossed away your pistol

"Don't toss your gun what the fuck"

"I do what I want pissbaby"

You can tell he gave you a scowl; "just as mean as you are online, I see how it is"

Your eyes narrowed playfully,"If you expected anything different change your standards"

Since he knew you love to rile people up for no reason, he kept calm. He would usually keep calm in these situations, so even if you didn't tell him, he'd be good

Whoa you act like a cat? He thinks that's p cute tbh

Hank also loves interacting with you bc of your cat-like habits

Oh man. Loves. I mean, LOVES. petting/brushing ur hair .

So fluffy......so pretty....

When you've had enough attention, he picks up on it immediately and respects ur boundaries

Also loves watching true crime with you ! I can see him being interested in other serial killers since he has to deal with one himself and would like to know more about their general mindset instead of directly asking hank a metric shitton of questions

He takes you into his work space while he works so u two can just talk yanno

If you start getting riled up for any reason, he stops what he's doing, gently grabs you, and leads you out of there so you don't break any of his hard-earned equipment

Aye you werent complaining he holds u so gentol....

If you have an episode of any kind, he's there to try and calm you down. He has multiple methods of calming people down depending on what type of crash they're having, if u dissociate and need help remembering what ure doing, he's totally fine with reminding you ! Don't be ashamed or afraid of your mental state around him, he's as close to a doctor that one could be in Nevada, so he won't judge you for what you have. It's a part of you :] !!

Asks you out in the dumbest way possible (in your opinion)

He gets back in the site you first met him on and shot you a message

You were confused when you checked it the next day on the same computer he used

"So... Want to date?"

"2B?!" You yelled, your voice cracking

it's been so long since I've done my last madcom matchup that I literally had to look at one of my old ones to remember how I formatted it Bruh

anyways I hope u enjoyed !!!! <3

[hauntedwoman]

Sorry if this is an insensitive question and feel ok about not answering it!! I just wanted to know how you got the autism diagnosis? I had a few professionals only Suggest that I might have it, but I never took it seriously and neither did my parents or my therapist at the time because I'm "too sarcastic" or things like that. I just accepted that I'm... weird or awkward, but sometimes those things get back in my mind and it still gets me confused. I've watched shows like "The Good Doctor" or "Atypical" and couldn't really relate to the main characters who are actually autistic, so maybe I'm just the old Weird or Awkward. Sorry for that ramble. And thank you anyway. Sending love 💛💛🌼

hi anon i don't think this is insensitive at all. in fact, i think having open conversations about autism and how its treated on a social level is something that needs to happen.

firstly, depending on your gender (usually at birth) autism gets handled in very different ways. the majority of autistic women don't get diagnosed w autism until they're adults bc the stereotype for someone that's autistic is a angry white boy that flips tables when he gets upset or one of the characters from the shows you've listed (very low empathy, doesn't understand sarcasm, awkward social interaction, intense special interests, etc).

that said, for me personally, autism was and never has been even a diagnostic option because my two brothers very much fit that angry white boy stereotype and they presented their autism very visibly. this means i got swept under the radar bc i could "make eye contact" (something one of my therapists said to me when i asked if she thought i could be autistic) and i was a very high energy and chatty kid. however, now, i'm realizing that while i was a very social kid, that doesn't mean i understood how to be social.

so if your doctors are telling you you can't be autistic because of certain characteristics, ask them if they can give you a screener (usually called the gars test) or if you can be referred to someone that can give you a neuro psych evaluation. there are probably also autism screeners online that you can find where you can give yourself a self-evaluation. there is nothing wrong with self diagnosis, especially when the care that most neurodivergent people need is very expensive without medical insurance, depending on where you live. i technically am not professionally diagnosed yet. my psych eval isn't until september. but my psychiatrist sent me home with some screeners and with the scores i've gotten and the research i've done it's highly likely that i'm autistic.

i understand the frustration you're probably feeling, as if no one is believing you. my mom won't even come to terms with the fact that i'm autistic after having to deal with my brothers who displayed it more openly. but neurotypical people don't understand what is feels like to mask your entire existence and the mental toll that creates. but only you know who you are and what your experiences feel like. trust yourself. and i hope you can find the help you need<3

[brw]

Tony Stark and Reed Richards for the character ask thing

TONY STARK

how i feel about this character: 😬 ngl i... don't care for him. at all. i don't vehemently hate him, there's definitely times where i appreciate him & his personality but it's few and far between and i... genuinely do not get the hype. i think its mostly mcu fans' fault for my dislike, its just he's fucking EVERYWHERE now, it's impossible to miss him? like he plays a big role in EVERY avengers comic now, he gets ongoing titles all the time, and it's just so frustrating especially when you consider characters who used to be more or less on the same level on them (like hank pym! who, by the way, has been dead for 6 consecutive years! that would never happen with tony!) or even more popular than him now get streamlined because of the mcu's popularity. by himself, i don't really mind him that much, but with how famous he is now and how large and frankly annoying his fan base is i just... now really do not like the character.

all the people i ship romantically with this character: short list here; reed, because i find their dymanic of reed as someone who does everything for his family and will do everything and anything he can to protect their interests above everyone else but also wants to keep his hands clean and believes, genuinely, in the good of the world, and tony as someone who will do horrendous things in the name of the greater good who always has the bigger picture in mind interesting. i also don't know a lot about it but he seems cute with rhodey? even if i think rhodey deserves a bigger chance to be his own character away from tony as is sometimes denied i can always appreciate a good best friends to lovers dymanic :)

my non romantic otp for this character: um? i honestly don't know 😭 i don't like him enough to say, i guess him n reed again? him n rhodey again? help 😭😭😭

my unpopular opinion of this character: he does not deserve the fame he has. like, i dont mean to sound jealous or whatever but pre 2007 movie he was not the most well liked character or even that popular. like obviously he had fans because he had solo series on and off for a very long time but it just feels SO ridiculous that tony stark has a bigger fandom than the fucking fantastic four. THE FANTASTIC FOUR. marvel's first superhero team, and yet??? like okay. he might have things to offer i don't see. he obviously does, i mean, he got three movies and multiple solo series. but he has most certainly not got enough as a character to overshadow the fantastic four, the x-men, etc and i will never forgive the mcu & mcu fans (and mark miller, he deserves blame too) for making it so. again, by himself he's fine but it is ridiculous to me that a one note white character that appeared in his third film (harley keener or... whatever) has 2000s more fics than THE PROTAGONIST OF INTO THE SPIDERVERSE, MILES MORALES. it is just... so vile and frustrating to me.

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: he didn't exist <3 jk jk um i'm not sure? i guess it would be funny if he was like... stick thin underneath the armour. like idk. he's in the armour 24/7 it makes sense to me for him to be a skinny little nerd under there. like completely fucking small. like you can't be a superhero AND be a billionaire and avoid all those taxes AND run the avengers AND run multiple massive corporations and still work out... even if you take away eating and sleeping there's just not enough time... it would be funny if he was just a tiny little boy underneath all that djndndbf

my otp: gonna say him and rhodey again. like i say, can never resist a good best friends to lovers dymanic.

my cross over ship: jdjshdhdh literally none i don't think about him enough to consider it <3

headcanon fact: 100% think he was the one to offer reed that money to star in a p*rno it's just so funny to me to imagine dhsnndnd

REED RICHARDS

how i feel about this character: HE'S MY BOY! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! like i guess it's paradoxical considering how similar he is to tony in some ways but man i just love reed so much. i so genuinely think reed richards is what tony stark fans want him to be. like they (mcu fans) make up elaborate headcanons of him being a good dad and an ethical billionaire and its like no that's reed richards? canonically he's gone broke bc he refuses to get money off his inventions... u have the wrong man... anyway he's also an asexual LEGEND i do not take criticism and ofc. autistic icon. literally he's so autistic it makes me <3 i love him dearly.

all the people i ship romantically with this character: it would be easier to list the people i DON'T ship with him lol. sue, obviously, victor ofc, and ben are the big ones, but i just LOVE his dymanic with t'challa and i think they would rlly work it... i also love the idea of him with namor, idk with victor it's just so funny to imagine reed as like. bizarrely attractive to rulers of foreign countries. blackagar faces the same problem <3 i also do believe him n hank pym dated in college for a bit... all their weird little microaggressions towards each other just makes me feel that way... again i do like him w/ tony and i made this weird au where he and emma frost got together which if prompted i WILL talk about. probably. more but yeah <3

my non romantic otp for this character: while i do LOVE them together as lovers i just love. benreed generally <3 like they're LITERALLY besties they love each other sm and i'm tired of pretending they don't????? so many people ignore this relationship and it makes me so sad!!! they're best friends they love each other fight for each other fight with each other theyre literally besties... smh put some respect on the benreed name 😤

my unpopular opinion of this character: i don't think this is that unpopular but it is in certain circles so! i genuinely think reed is the best marvel dad! like you can talk abt others all u want but the fact is that reed is the only character i can think of who has always been there in his kid's lives and has consistently put their needs first. like not saying other characters are bad but even at his worst writing he's always done his best for his kids and certainly has been full of love for them. other characters at their worse have. murdered their own kids <3 genuinely he's the best marvel dad and sure there's not a lot of competition but. yeah <3

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character: I WANT A CANONICAL AUTISM DIAGNOSIS NOW. literally he is SO autistic & there are... no big autistic marvel characters! at all! literally none! the closest we have is legion (who was written in an incredible ableist way and autism hasnt been used to describe him in a solid 30 years) and monet (and it turned out it wasn't monet but one of her twin sisters impersonating her :/) so it would just mean so much to see a canonically autistic character like reed who is older & has a wife and kids who he loves and who they love in return on panel. like so much of the rep we DO have is like, young kids or teens and idk an autistic adult would just mean so much to me. especially one like reed who is as selfless & loving as he is.

my otp: tie between doomreed and reedsue! any option that gets this noodle nerd lots of love i'm good for tbh

my cross over ship: him and ralph dibney from dc should date... they have so much in common... stretchy autistic man who's very smart and kind of silly who loves his wife sue who pegs him 🥴 they'd have so much to talk about sjbdhdhd also imagining the look on ben's face realising there's TWO of them is. so funny.

headcanon fact: he's aromantic he's asexual and neither of these stop him from his very meaningful & passionate relationship with his wife :)

assorted character ask game!

[luckersnwalsh]

✦ –– / J U L I E T T E | W A L S H . ˚ ⁎ * ·

✦ –– /  f a c t s ;

name: juliette walsh age: thirty two gender: cis female pronouns: she/her sexuality: lesbian place of residence: brooklyn, nyc occupation: paralegal face: emmy rossum zodiac: capricorn ennegram: tba temperament: melancholic

tw; brief mention of drugs

✦ –– /  h i s t o r y ;

i. born in cork, ireland. father never stuck around. already had a second family by the time jules was six, a third when jules was nineteen. not that she cared too greatly. dad was an absolute loser with several speeding convictions and anger management issues so no big loss. the financial loss was certainly felt, however. mum worked three jobs to keep food on the table. the two were inseparable and despite her mother’s misgivings, they still are to this day.  maybe thats why jules takes ‘independent living’ a little too far nowadays.

ii. in primary school, jules was quickly labelled as a ‘problem child’.  her mother thought she was doing what was best for jules by not pushing for a diagnosis in autism, let’s just say it kinda fucked jules up even more. with a high IQ and a low EQ, most people assumed jules had some sort of savant syndrome. top 3% in the country! aren’t you proud? i have no friends, though. oh you’re just mature for your age. focusing on better things! the pressure mounted, her relationships non-existent and jules found herself closed off from the world, nose forever stuck in a revision book. 

iii. these problems follow her throughout her educational career. eventually she hit a burnout in her first year of sixth form college after trying to juggle too many subjects at once. that brainy maths whizz of a girl ended up going from an A+ to an E in less than a year. every subject failed in the most spectacular of manners. the gifted child suddenly wasn’t so gifted anymore, and it only fueled her resentment towards her teachers who pushed her to take on so much in the first place. there was, however, one shining light. law. the only subject she passed in her first year. the one subject she rebuilt her entire course to fit around when she applied to retake her college classes. 

iv. jules was destined to get a degree. after all, her mother never managed to get one, so jules had to go to university. freshers was... an Event, to say the least. the discovery of alcohol, marijuana and roommates who she had to force herself to interact with certainly morphed jules into quite the temporary wild child. it didn’t last long though. jules learnt the hard way that it doesn’t matter how hard you change yourself for your ‘friends’, you’ll never be good enough for them. by the start of her second year, jules was living on her own in a crappy one bedroom apartment with two cats. needless to say, this suited her much better. (still lights up on occasion though, oops)

v. half way through university, offered a placement in a new york firm as part of an exchange program. change is difficult for jules, but her ambition overcame her nerves. she had no attachments keeping her locked in at home, and with her mothers (unquestioned) blessing, jules hopped on to a plane with two furry passengers in hand.

vi. it’s difficult to find a job in new york when you’re foreign, young, female and don’t have any connections. and then there’s the issue that jules never wanted to be an actual solicitor, after all. no no no, that would require public speaking, keeping emotions in check, not swearing at the prosecution. for the most part jules worked as an intern to a small public defender firm. ( and then i need to talk to oaklynn mun before i fill the rest of this bc we need to work out details of this firm she eventually joins )

✦ –– /  e x t r a ;

juliette’s ideal is j u s t i c e. pretty obvious for the lawyer, but needs to be said. this ideal was present at a very young age, and coincided with her more... violent tendencies. juliette might be lawful, but she’s not exactly lawful good. for example, is there a kid who keeps pushing you off the slide so they can have multiple turns? don’t worry, jules will be waiting at the bottom to punch them the next time they come down. kid keeps hitting you during class? can’t hit you if jules bites off his arm. really, jules would’ve made a damn good vigilante, but sadly this isn’t that kind of story. 

jules comes off as quite stoic, a little bit cold and cynical. in her worst moments, she’s aggressive and like i said, can be pretty violent. since academia has been hard drilled into her since she was a bubby, she can tend to come of patronising and a little holier-than-thou.

get on her good side though and you find someone extremely logical and focused, and the most reliable person you can meet. generous and giving, jules is the type willing to give up her left leg if it meant someone could walk again. manage to make her smile and you’ll probably fall in love. whilst she keeps them hidden, she has a variety of special interests (in fact, she’s actually quite the nerd). unlock them all and you get a prize! (its her heart, you are now her best friend)).

her cats are called jasper and fred. yes i will eventually provide photos as they are models off my cats.

eventually there will be a pinterest and playlist here

[we-will-all-be-stories]

weli have like three followers and like i dont actually expect anyone to see this i just want to rant and since i dont really have many friends i dont realy know who to tell. 

my mothers really pissing me off for reasons that honestly i shouldnt have to be dealing with. 

a few weeks ago my parents finally took me to a real psychiatrist, after 2 years of therapy and month in a mental hospital. it was set to be a three hour appointment for an official evaluation and diagnosis of my anxiety and depression and whatever the fuck else is wrong with me (which i dont understand since ive already been diagnosed by two prior therapists, the ER psych ward psychiatrist, and my psychiatrist at the mental hospital i was at, i dont see the need for anouther diagnosis of the same issues). okay, cool, whatever, obviously i’m panicking, not from the actual topic but just talking to someone in general (also my parents never leave the room b/c they think that i’ll just sit there and go non verbal, or as they believe, choose not to talk despite the fact that i have s.a.d. and was selectively mute growing up - i have non verbal episodes, it happens). well, essentially, i actually have no clue what happened in the room b/c after five minutes, the psychiatrist decided that i wasnt useful and i was too anxious to be productive and was sent out of the room. i sat in the waiting room for two hours continuosly calling and texting my mom to let me back on the room while i had a panic attack in the waiting room and slowly fell into a sensory overload from all the noises because the office is in a child pediatrics building and children are fucking loud. after two hours i’m left back into the room where the doctor tells me my diagnosis, my parents pay, and we leave.

i wasnt even present for my own evaluation. i get that he’s trained, but my parents no shit about how i feel, theres no way they can tell him. and furthermore, yeah, i’m anxious, but thats not the only thing i live with, yet its the only thing anyone will offer me help for. 

im used to being sent out of rooms. people dont have enough pacience and ust assume i can control this. i was sent out of the room during my 504 accomadation meeting at school too, you know, the “you’re child tried to kill themself, heres an extra day for classwork hope it helps” meeting. 

but heres the problem now. i have sensory issues to the point that putting on a pair of socks sends me into a panic b.c of the seams - a “bad touch” makes me break down crying - a flickering light burns my eyes - someone coughing feels like someone sceaming in my ear drums. and no matter what i tell my parentsm they dont understand how bad it is. 

apparently they mentioned it to the doctor, whose response was to get me an asd evaluation. okay, sure. its not like my old therapist hadnt been telling my mom to get my evaluated for asd and sesory proccessing dosorder, its not like my father works with psychiatrists who work with autistic kids everyday who has been telling my dad to get me evaluated. 

so finally my mom emailed my school counsler about the evaluation. she said that the school doesnt have the resources to do so. 

okay

i went to my moms office to print out my essay, and she had her email open to my section. (she organizes her email by topic, she has a group of emails under my name). im a bitch and decided to look at the emails. she emailed my school saying that she is “sure i dont have autsim” but that my doctor is making her ask about an evauation. 

the school wrote back saying that refuse to test me because that would require an iep rather than just a 504. the school psychiatrist essentially refuses to test students “simply for a diagnosis” and that my education and grades must be severely impacted by my issues. listen, no one gets a psych evaluation simply for a diagnosis. you literally cannot get the help you need w/out a diagnosis. mental health affects you in all aspects of your life, not just school. so many students cannot go to therapists or psychiatrists and rely on school resources. furthermore, my education is impacted by my issues - how can i get work done when the loud classroom make me want to scream? but the school and my parents dont know this, yet refuse to let me advocate for myself. 

no one wants to have a certain diagnosis, you need it to get help. my psychiatrist has said he is 99% i have asd, however he cannot give me a diagnosis, and my school refuses to test me because i’m “too good a student” and i’m slowly dying. 

also im not a good student. i have an e in math, a d in government, i failed engineering bc the class was so god damn loud and anxiety creating. my education is impaacted.

when it comes down to it, to be honest, so much of this has to do with the stigma regarding mental health in general, and especially regarding autism. people are so scared to have an autsitic kid - i’m 15 years old, if you can love me w/out the diagnosis, you can love me with it. i’m the same kid. My mother grew up with an autistic brother yet she still wouldnt want an autistic child. schools assume that an autistic student cant be functioning without special classes and a helper and a bunch of accomadations - some people need that, others don’t. it doesnt matter b/c everyone is entitled to the resources neccessary to thrive, and everyine should be treated fairly. 

im a kid who grew up non verbal, ive had social skills drilled into my head by therapists bc i apparently “didnt have them”. up until this year i had good grades, i flew under the radar and suffered, and when i finally reach out for help, everyone is refusing it because they think i’ve already gotten enough. 

[sol1loqu1st]

hi i want to talk abt foi bc its legit among the coolest things ive done; this is long as Fuck but the book is longer i just really wanna talk,, abt this,,

it’s a high fantasy set on the northernmost side of a huge desert (a sea borders its northern side; beyond the sea is a country filled with plains and forests)

there were seven tribes (i still need to look up definitions and see if thats the most accurate term for what im goin for; im thinking abt just using ‘city’ tbh but yknow) in the desert:

-the riches tribe, whose people could shape gemstones and metals (think metalbending but add precious stones in the mix; each person can only control one thing and ur power is usually decided by the stars or some shit)

-the elements tribe, who could control the forces of wind, fire, water, or stone (now LITERALLY think atla; powers are passed down genetically and a few people can control two elements if their parents controlled different ones)

-the land, sky, and sea tribes, who could control animals related to their tribe (land tribe ppl can also learn to turn into their favored animal, sky tribe ppl grow wings as toddlers, sea tribe ppl can breathe underwater & usually live in the sea on the northern border of the desert bc they dont do well on land; powers are decided based on the animals’ preferences – e.g. if ravens had a specific affinity for a kid in the sky tribe the kid would grow raven wings and be able to communicate with and eventually control ravens)

-the time and space tribes, who destroyed each other 60 years ago, and have the power to speed, slow, or even stop time during the hour of their birth, or manifest physical objects from glowing blue energy that makes up everything in the world (also can see in the dark, i guess?)

60 years ago, a huge war happened between the seven tribes, wiping out the space tribe completely (except for one person; more on that later) and destroying all but 200 of the time tribe, who repopulated to about 1,000, and ruining a Lot of stuff in the other five tribes. for the most part the remaining 5 tribes (minus the time tribe for Reasons) have rebuilt themselves but hints of the past war linger. no one is aware that the time tribe survived (they rebuilt their city FAR from the original location). the time and space tribes faded from public consciousness pretty quickly since all their historical records were destroyed; most of the knowledge about them now is legends and myths

in the present day, 5 children (one from each of the remaining tribes) who lost various loved ones to the same glowing blue knives (created, ofc, by the surviving member of the space tribe, ebon (…courtesy of 2012 me’s genius naming skills, they’re all gonna be like this it’s part of the aesthetic), though the kids dont know that or even recognize it as a space tribe power) are approached by an old man (guess who! its ebon) who claims to be the last surviving member of the space tribe and apparently has evidence that the time tribe is plotting revenge and theyre the ones that killed the kids’ families and he speaks of a supposed prophecy that 5 kids who the time tribe had stolen from are gonna defeat the time tribe once and for all

the kids (and at this point, hopefully the reader too) are the wrong kind of genre savvy, and believe they’ve been approached by gandalf or some shit, and each end up Accepting The Call

(meanwhile back at the time tribe, the king and his rebellious teenage son talk about the future of the time tribe. teenage son, midnight (heyy GUESS what hour hes able to use his powers) learns to use Time Powers that are suspiciously dissimilar to the ones ebon was talking abt the ppl from the time tribe being able to use. midnight uses his powers to get more sleep bc his dad kinda overworks the shit out of him bc like the future of this horrifically unstable and tiny city is in midnight’s hands, basically, and we learn that Its Dangerous bc if u get stuck slowing down/speeding up time after ur 1 hour is up u basically become Time Tobias and ur trapped like that Until You Die)

if uve made it this far i think its time for a proper introduction to the 6 protags of part 1 (another is added in part 2 but we’re not there yet)

-eagle, from the sky tribe, a Massive Fuckin Jock Who Loves To Sport. shes 14 and pretty athletic but tends to chicken out when shit gets tough and so never makes it to the Fly Sport Playoffs. shes a Massive Optimist at first but then she finds her parents dead (hint: it was ebon). she deals with this throughout the novel i hope im writing her well lmao because i wanted it to have a Legit Impact on her character and not just be angst. A N Y W A Y she instantly pegs ash and emerald as The Rich Kids (ash is legit a rich kid, emerald is just from the riches tribe where they traditionally sew gems and shit into their clothes) and judges em for it

-snake, from the land tribe, a 13yo, Lonely Autistic who loves reptiles. (ok i mean. this is high fantasy and im really not sure if autism is a diagnosis in high fantasy. ive done my absolute best to code her as autistic and she is in fact autistic i just dont say it in canon bc idk how to bring it up) ppl dont like her at first because she comes across as cold but actually shes like the most adorable fuckin dork youve ever seen shes great. she doesnt talk hardly at all unless shes Super Comfortable around the people shes with, which is a challenge for me to write but tbqh shes my absolute favorite of the bunch,, also her only friend ever was a thief named lore who was (supposedly) killed by GUESS FUCKEN WHO

-ash, the 14yo daughter of one of the 4 ruling families of the elements tribe. her family’s genetic power is fire but she could never figure it out (later she discovers her power is actually water; im…..still figuring out how that works genetically she might just be adopted lmao) ebon brought her the news of her parents’ deaths and managed to kill her little sister while her back was turned; somehow she does not suspect him. shes kind of a snob and doesnt really /get/ the rest of the group and comes across pretty rude at first. (also, she and eagle deal w their very recent grief very differently but idk her exact Grief Arc yet)

-emerald, who i think is? 12? 13? i cant remember but somewhere around there; shes from the riches tribe, was orphaned as a toddler and raised by supposedly extinct desert dragons (which are basically 12-20ft desert iguanas), which were all wiped out horribly by more of ebon’s shit space weapons. she lived with ash’s family for a while when they were years younger but eventually emerald got blamed for ash’s lack of control over fire and was forced to leave, she found the riches tribe and discovered that she could metalbend emeralds lmao. shes a storyteller and raises money for orphans now i guess

-shark, a scrappy homeless 10yo from the sea tribe who will steal anything shiny enough. he has pointy teeth and an eyepatch (which covers a golden sphere in place of his eye) and hes reckless as fuKC. he was too young to remember his parents but when questioned about it he remembers blue knives (GUESS WHO). hes pretty unaware that sharks are infact chaotic neutral sea predators who do not give a shit about him even if he can communicate with them and he starts the novel with a Pretty Serious Bite Injury™. he takes a lot of shit apart and puts it back together in horrifying ways. yknow sid from toy story? basically thats shark if sid lived underwater and was portrayed as a fundamentally good person

-midnight, the 16yo prince of the time tribe, a Rebellious Teen™ who doesnt want responsibility and has Horrible Insomnia. he thinks his dad is Evil And Controlling and probably listens to heavy metal behind his back (meanwhile his dad is actually pretty decent just busy as Fuck trying to keep the time tribe from accidentally inbreeding collapsing and trying to show midnight how to lead; hes overprotective but not evil). he broke a pattern of various people born at midnight/noon alternating every century and people think hes Destined For Greatness™ or some shit; he is having absolutely none of that will someone let this child sleep instead of waking him up in the middle of the night to practice magic

anyway yea thats p much all ive edited so far and tbqh i dont remember a whole lot of details but That Is My Book!