#bc thats the only thing thats really changed .recently
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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i love ffxiv so much fr
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#generally i feel very deeply n that's both a good n bad thing#usually i don't really have opportunities to be idk as open or unrestrained abt it as i would be (in regards to affection)#i love fiction.. i forgot the word but yk it helps like. yk let it out healthily bcs i'm also rlly just a creative person at heart#WHY IS WEIGHT OF THE WORLD INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING IN MY HOUSE HAHA WHY R ALL THE LIGHTS OFF WTF#AGHHHHH I'M SHY OH MY GOD FUCK WAIT WHEN IT COMES TO ANY SORT OF LIL STUFF LIKE THIS W ANYONE AT ALL#MY FRIEND PLACED A MESSAGE IN OUR MESSAGE BOOK 🥺#this was.. oh my god last month 18th i haven't placed ffxiv much at all recently that i've only noticed now#THATS SO CUTE MWAHH i love my friends vv much 😭🫶🏼 ok but wait hermes OH NO I WAS GNA RAMBLE ABOUT HIM AGAIN ^^#AGHH I CANT CONCENTRATE WHY IS WEIGHT OF THE WORLD PLAYING..... IM CHANGING IT THIS IS TOO EMOTIONAL????#i love the songs i placed in the orchestrion so much#i might edit it sometime bcs uh 'from the heavens' is too. idk too strong for the rest of the songs i think#1) neath dark waters; 2) your answer; 3) and love you shall find - i love this so goddamn much btw fuck terncliff; 4) from the heavens 💀;#5) voice of no return (guitar) - my fav automata ost; 6) pilgrimage; 7) kaine (final fantasy main theme version) - too ethereal oh my god;#8) radiance!!!!#tbf actually 'your answer' & 'radiance' r battle themes too. along w 'from the heavens' though i'd say they're all rather elegent in a way#i rlly want to put 'apocalypsis noctis' somewhere.. i don't listen to it too often nowadays but it'll always be one of my favs.#& i rlly wna put 'dragonsong' :<< that song is v special to me with heavensward n all. the lyrics r so romantic n beautiful#'he who continues the attack' is so fucking good. i have lovely memories w apollo with the 'the measure of [] reach' songs hehe#'fragments of forever'!! under the stars w alisaie 🤍 oh my god i Need to put 'shadowbringers' n 'tomorrow and tomorrow' somewhere :((#'a fierce air forceth' & 'a fine air forbiddeth' from my favorite frontlines map. apollo n i always got so many kills n were rlly good ehe#'vamo'alla flamenco' dnc's one of my fav classes n. i love ffix. 'bedlam's brink'.. iconic emet-selch my man. 'the heavens' ward' GRRRR#it's so epic though! 'wind on the plains' n rlly just the other bozja n zadnor related stuff. sm memories. it means a lot to me#'tomorrow and tomorrow - reprise'.. cried the first time it played with alphy in around eulmore. 'dangerous words'; god i love shb#'the queen awakens' i love delubrum reginae so fucking much. n then 'endwalker - footfalls' & 'flow'.. oh fuck .#AGHH THE OTHER NIER SONGS TOO :(( N THE RAIDS. EDEN'S PROMISE AAAAA FUCK FUCK I MISS RAIDING SO MUCH#'hic svnt leones'.. the memories 💀 n the aglaia osts hehe I DONT HAVE. SCREAM FROM PANDAEMONIUM N IN THE BALANCE#THERE'S TOO MUCH SONGS IM EVEN ONLY LOOKING THROUGH THE ROLLS I HAVE HOLY SHIT#shiva n tsukuyomi n endwalker n the auspices n the primals n all the dungeons n the tribes n city states n EVERYTHING FUCK
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cinnabeat · 6 months ago
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ughhhh i want earrings :(
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the-record · 11 months ago
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☀️ i see the light ☀️
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summary: ellie is just trying to hide from the guards when she stumbles apon a tower and a girl with really long hair.
pairing: flynn ryder!ellie williams x rapunzel!reader
warnings: non me things
a/n: i want to thank the oh so lovely @meowmeowtimw for sending me their gorgeous art, and also everyone who anticipated this fic. thank you so much for the love. also, first time doing a taglist, but let me know if you’d like to be added!
this is going to be done in parts bc my tumblr glitches and i dont want to lose any writing and delay this anymore! i have changed it up a bit from the movie to attempt to fit ellie as a character and not feel like im writing out the script but all the iconic moments will be included
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you’re not quite sure how she ended up here. knocked out and stuffed in your wardrobe.
earlier, it had just been you and pascal. your mother out fetching ingredients for dinner, your birthday dinner.
she’d shut down your hopes and dreams of seeing the lights you saw every year for your birthday. she called them stars, made you feel fragile and weak. left with a half hearted goodbye.
thats when the girl showed up.
short auburn hair, climbing the tower with arrows. before you knew it, she was passed out on the floor, a frying pan in your hands.
in her bag though, that was the interesting piece. something gold and shiny, crystals decorating the circle. too big to be a bracelet, too beautiful to be a magnifying glass.
you and pascal jumped as your mother called up the tower, a surprise apparently. when you tried bringing up the lights once more, she’d simply laughed, brushing it off. you tried again, but gave up when she yelled, asking for paints.
she left, leaving you alone again. until you weren’t.
a girl, in your window.
now in your chair, tied up with pascal on her shoulder. he licked her ear, once, twice, three times before she jolted awake with a yell.
“what the hell?”
you took a deep breath, still hiding in a shadow.
“struggling… struggling is pointless.”
she looked around, taking in what was holding her down. was it, hair?
“i know why you’re here, and im not afraid of you.” slowly, you stepped into her view. “who are you, and how did you find me?”
“am i wrapped in hair?” the girl gawked at you, struggling under the wraps. “who am i? who are you? this is insane. this is kidnapping, just so you know.”
your face dropped. “you broke in first.”
“and you knocked me out and tied me up! with hair! who even has this much hair?” she groaned as she struggled.
“so you dont know who i am?” you whispered as you stepped closer.
she looked at you incredulously, “are you joking? of course not. can you let me out now?” you nodded as you stopped in front of her.
only now did you really notice her. short auburn hair, tied up at the back. green eyes that matched yours. freckles lining her nose and cheeks. lips slightly cracked and parted.
“ill let you out, if you promise me one thing.” she rolled her eyes but nodded. “every year, on my birthday, there are these lights. my mother told me they were stars, but ive tracked the stars for years.” you turned away and pulled back the curtain to your most recent painting. “they’re floating lights, and you are going to take me to them.” she hesitated but you quickly jumped in. “and if you don’t, say goodbye to your satchel.”
she sighed and relaxed into the chair. “alright, fine.” she smiled as your eyes lit up and you ran to her. “ill take you. but, we’re going my way.” you nodded excitedly as you untangled her from your hair. “and, im ellie by the way.”
“rapunzel.”
she shook out her limbs before standing. “rapunzel? pretty.”
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“so you’ve really never been outside the tower before?”
ellie walked slightly ahead with her hands in her pockets, a small smile on her face. she said she knew a place to stop on your way to the kingdom.
you nodded as you took in everything. “she said it was too dangerous for me out here. that id get eaten alive.”
ellie frowned a bit as you spoke. you were definitely a bit ditzy, but smart. you weren’t naive but you noticed the good in everything you’d seen.
“so,” you pulled up beside ellie, nearly bumping her. “how did you find me?”
“i didn’t actually intend to.” she said, looking at you. “i was running, from… some very bad people, and i stumbled apon a pass in the woods. totally by accident. and when i went through it, there it was. the tower.” she watched as you nodded. “i figured id just, go up. i wasnt really thinking someone might be there.”
“obviously.” you teased.
she rolled her eyes, “alright whatever. i just needed somewhere to wait everyone out. and then you came out of nowhere and tried to maim me.”
you gasped, hitting her arm as she laughed. “i thought you were gonna hurt me! what was i supposed to do?”
“okay, fair enough.” you walked in silence for awhile, side by side, hands grazing.
ellie couldn’t help but feel a pull to you. you were kind, and funny. she hadn’t known you very long, but she knew she wanted to know more. and she couldn’t deny your beauty.
she was knocked out of her thoughts as you pointed to a sign in the distance.
snuggly duckling.
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taglist: @urcherrr @onlinelesbo @diddiqueen @pedropascalsbbg @dinaismyfavmilf @madislayyy @ellieswilliamsgf @williamellieslilho @iove-bbb @swxxtbnny
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ganondoodle · 5 months ago
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you know, not like i had enough zelda ideas and rewrites already
but i thought of another (just roughly .. for now) for totk ... and its one where theres no time travel and no direct views into the past either, and no sonau shown, been wanting to think up one like this before but i recently got the basic idea for it (it ignores all of totk aside from some ideas like .. underground stuff)
the basic idea being that the sonau, whoever they were, had an understanding of the cycle hyrule keeps falling into, based on their use of the three animals representing the three virtues, perhaps them being so aware in fact that they were working on dismantling it, finding out why and get at it at its roots, perhaps being one of the only tribes left that knew some things of the past- with the twilight princess referecnes in that boar statue and the seven stones around it with one toppled over (like the sage that was killed)- or even just being aware of it, but not doing anythign against it bc they thought it should be and remain like it (though i like the first idea more)
them not being a high tech people either, perhaps more naturalistic or magic adjacent thing- to contrast the shiekah, who, as their place under the hyrulean monarchy, firmly believedd in hyrules divine right to conquer it all, and the sonau with their knowledge of the past and the cycle of reincarnation beign a threat to the royal families absoulute power position- thus leading to the sonaus destruction and why all their (botw) ruins are highjacked by shiekah shrines!
since the sonau kept most of their knowledge to themselves (hey hey, heres and idea, they didnt communicate vie normal languegs but vie sign language or some magic- making them even more different and mysterious to the others living in the world) no one really got to know what they knew nor their culture or plans; the shiekah findign out what they know or just that they might be a threat to hyrule being sent to get rid of them, in the process finding out more about the past (like the king of the gerudo being the one who has resisted hyrule before and his potential to go monster mode) beginning the plan to imprison the current king of the gerudo (picking up some of the ideas i have had before, the whole betrayel plot) before he can become a danger to hyrule
ganondorf finds out about it (perhaps being in a shaky alliance out of necessity- like the shiekah intentionally minign below the desert without the gerudo knowing that it robs the land of life- thus makign them dependend on trade with hyrule) and plans to counteract it (a big somehow for now, like assassinate the king of hyrule? or try and force him to abandon their plan or sth), and the plan works out for the most part, but theres one gerudo thats been on the side of the hyrulean family the whole time leading to ganondorf ending up sealed and trapped by the queen of hyrule (sealing powers and all, perhaps, again picking up former ideas, after starting a war for ganondorf killing the king) and after realizing ganondorfs undying spirit will never rest try and purify the malice hed sent out to break free, leading to them discovering a much more efficient way to power their newly developing tech, rather than luminous stones which are hard to mine and process, using ganondorfs spirit/malice instead (yes i WILL include battery theory again) which allows them to make all the ancient shiekah tech in the scale we see in botw (and hear of in the past calamity)
its sort of more like the first ideas i had for a totk rewrite, zelda being your companion from the start and link loosing his arm and gettign a shiekah tech replacement- with the added bonus of including the sonau without robbing them of their mystery while still developing them further
most of their recording having been destroyed, either intentionally or by the tides of time, but due to the cataclysm changing the landscape there being new caves uncovered with cave painting like remains of the sonau, entrances to the underground revealing that they came in fact from there and the population on the surface was a small fraction of the last ones of them, with the underground being filled with even more (botw) sonau ruins, but also shiekah labs in other parts
yes it paints the shiekah in a bad light .. which honeslty why not, they are hyrules pawns more or less, and given what the monks do just to give a future hero their last bit of spirit they must have very strong believe in it all- but then the next king turning on them and persecuting them just like they did to the sonau .. being yet another cycle
you slowly discovering everything real time, no memories and no direct views into the past, just real discoveris
ganondorf would once again be the villain, but it would give alot more background to him, in this case making him much more a victim of said cycle, it repeating by wanting to avoid it etc etc, and you wouldnt be able to reason with him after a little over ten thousand years of solitary imprisonment AND your spirit/energy being continueosly exploited to power tech built to fight off any of his attempts to break free (calamity ganon) leading to the desperation of literally tryign to rebuild himself out of malice, which is how you get weird spider ganon and the malice build lumps, eyes, mouths and even rib like structures- the monsters and bosses being a creation of him yes, it being an attempt, or antoehr really, to take revenge on all those that plotted against him, that helped in putting him in this agonzing condition between life and death AND then even exploiting his spirit too-- making the end fight more of a mercy kill with a tragic note, but still hopeful to a better future and not to let the cycle begin anew once a new gerudo king is born- so its not utterly throwing it all in dissarray but giving you the sense of ... theres a future, hope for soemthign better even if it wasnt fixable now
it falls more in line with the 'traditional' zelda formular, but makes it a bit more .. involved? nuanced?
(havent yet thought of ideas for the sky except .. it being there still like i had previously thought, idk if i will develop this further but i like this ones alot bc .... i dont like the totk sonau at all and find it extremely boring to just say yep they are here and actually everywhere and here they are literally in your face as people with voices- i liked them alot more as unkowns)
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spottedskunkfa1ry · 3 months ago
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Gaslit about covid? Me too. [RANT]
as you all can tell by my page im so new, but for context, im trying to find COVID-19 safe/conscious groups online. i started with Instagram and ive moved to here.
something thats on my mind recently is how i have been severely gaslit to just think covid isnt a thing we should worry for and that im a conspiracy theorist about covid just because i still use mitigation in my daily life and i give a shit about disabled/immunocompromised/chronically ill people in my community and in my life. i genuinely am so scared for whats happening and what will happen to our collective health.
like i had like a breakdown after all my roommates stopped masking last fall and it lead to me being triggered and disassociating for almost a whole year because i felt unsafe with people i previously felt safe with (feeling/being unsafe in my home is a major trigger for me). i was lost touch with reality, i have never felt so disconnected from my friends, mind, and body. it was so bad. And it took a lot of energy, effort, and practice to communicate my needs and boundaries with them only for them to be like "Cool you sound like you're living in fear and im not changing". in the end i decided to move to a different apartment because i coulndt deal with all of them being like that.
the past 4-5 years have made me feel a lot of things and i wrote a poem about the grief ive felt specifically around the pandemic and how it has drastically altered my late teenage and young adult years. maybe ill put it here one day lmao.
a silver lining in this is that all my way of life as i knew it is gone and dead. and that makes more room for me to find people who care for and value our lives at a basic fundamental level and furthermore are willing to act daily to show our love and care for one another. this new life makes more room for me to really question my consumerism [god forbid we stop eating indoors at restaurants and risk getting a deadly virus for shitty food] . it makes me question how i interact with the world with a COVID-safe/mindful lens. and most importantly put disability justice at the forefront of my activism.
I have grieved how life was and i have come out the other side accepting and wanting to do everything in my power to protect my community in the ongoing pandemic. i understand my responsibility and i have begun to see how disability justice connects all of our collective oppression and how disability justice/rights/activism is a key part to our collective liberation. i have seen how covid conscious or safe people [idk what to label it ive been going back and forth bc i think a lot of people have different definitions of these labels im sorry] are so kind, so caring, so compassionate, so giving, and so loving in a way that i dont see or truly feel in other activists/advocates groups. I personally feel the safest, most loved, and understood by my friends, family, and peers who are covid safe and practice community care.
much love to all of them it has made me love them in beautiful new ways. xx im so grateful to have them in my life. if u made it this far ur real asf. if u want share whatever covid related rants id like to read them or if you have thoughts on what i wrote let me know 🥺.
rn i just feel like im shouting into the tumblr void and its been cathartic.
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premamelody · 5 months ago
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funky
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imma add to this more later but essentially murder drones but what if it was indie rpg insteaddd.
earthbound was cycling in my mind recently so i thought of rpgs inspired by it and was like "hey md can kinda be a fire jrpg in that."
boom. you can technically call it md but eb bc thats what i was kinda thinking the entire time but eh.
ofc the mc has to have a bat. its law. dw thats not the main reason, i feel like she'd have that chilling around. also stains from working with stuff on her shirt from like oil or dust or smth. btw yeah she still has her jacket but only puts it on to leave, i'll design that at some point. also scene x punk x emo bc woohooo wooohoo woohooooooooo. i considered adding cybergoth but i think i honestly forgot.
but for n i thought it would be funny if like. all the mds were like. interns or smth. "murder interns murder interns!!" type of thing. like thats the lie they're told is that they're just new members of jcjenson sent to copper 9 to rid of drones and that they'll one day be able to have a position (lies). so under their coats are just basic business outfit wear. i probably will barely change j considering she already fits this. so n just has like a generic polo shirt with khakis (yes i looked this up) underneath i thought that would be so funny.
but yeah the story doesn't really change toooo much. well the general plot, the scenery and bg lore of the life on copper 9 may or may not be different >:3. what i gotta have enemies that aren't just mds somehow. i think i have planned that the absolutesolver on their previous arrival screwed around and made many life that was killed by the core explosion come back to life in a sense as like zombies or smth. mother 1 core.
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also take neon lime hair uzi. it was the fill color i used before giving it the actual color but i kinda like it. i think uzi will kill it in green hair maybe with a black fade at the top :333
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uvonobu · 2 months ago
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Some thoughts abt the new chapters cause they come out soon and I’m gonna die
(Not predictions, just me yapping)
okay dawg. So we all know the phantom troupe members are almost DEFINITELY gonna die. So I’m gonna yap abt what I need to see from them before they die bc if they all die stupid anti climatic deaths I’m gonna CRASH OUT
So I’ve known Shizuku and Nobunaga were gonna die from the start. With Shizuku, I’ve prepared myself for her death. So I won’t crash out THAT bad. Though, I really hope we get some dialogue about why she joined the troupe. I’m calling it right now, it’s gonna be that she joined the troupe because she wanted meteor city reforms but the useless fucking village elders don’t do shit so joined the only group that had actually made changes in meteor city. Yes, she knew what she was getting into, and yes, she knows they aren’t heroes. But their influence is super important to meteor city and I think it’d also be a good way to show the troupe’s relationship with the meteorians in a way that doesn’t feel forced. Plus it’d also flesh out Shizuku’s character more. Two birds with one stone pls hear my cries Togashi pleas
With Nobunaga, I’ve also accepted his death. Though there are certain things I need to see before he dies to be fully okay with it. For example, seeing his hatsu. If he dies without us seeing his hatsu, I’m crashing out. Actually, yk what’s worse? If we see his hatsu and it’s FUCKING STUPID. LIKE. DAWG. WE’VE WAITED YEARS TO SEE NOBUNAGA’S HASTU AND UR GONNA TELL ME ITS SRSLY SOME DUMB ASS SHIT. BRO. I KNOW HES AN ENHANCER BUT CMON…. I’ll forgive both of these things if Nobunaga gets to talk or think about Uvo one last time before his death. You guys know how I am…. Rrrrr… uvonaga….. but overall, if he dies in an anticlimactic way at the hands of hisoka I wont crash out THAT bad. I’ll be annoyed, but I could handle it
Now…. There’s a theory going around that Nobunaga might go by himself to fight Kurapika if he learns he’s on the boat. And I’m not here to talk about the logistics of that, but if that DOES happen, ohbmy god. Nobunaga straying from their mission to kill Hisoka so he can kill the chain user would be SO . OH MY GOD. It would be so selfish. But oh my god, it would be so good… it would really show how strong their bond really was. Nobunaga dying for Uvo genuinely might make throw up I’m getting nauseous thinking about it god that would be such a perfect way to end their story imgonnadie
Okay sorry moving on . If Bono’s gonna die PLEASE make it later down the line. Pls . I cannot handle his death vro. I mean, like… I’ll understand if he DOES die but I won’t be happy abt it…. We just need some more time with him pls Togashi pls… let the readers form an attachment to him first…. PLEADHHRHEJKSK all I’m asking for with Bono is more time and more dialogue thats all I want
Machi was already set to die. It’s so crazy, but Togashi wanted to kill her off when Hisoka woke up. She’s basically living on overtime right now, she was NOT meant to live this long. So I can’t really be that mad if she does die cause he was already being generous in giving us more time with her
Okay so I actually will not be crashing out if Phinks dies . Like at all. Sorry Phinks I love you but your death would be SO interesting. God, can you imagine Feitan’s reaction to that? I need to see it so bad. I’ll be super sad if he dies but I’ll also be excited because it’ll open the door to so many interesting paths to take the phantom troupe with
Feitan will probably be one of the last to die so I will probably be numb by then. I’ll probably cry cause he’ll die with all his friends gone and he wasn’t able to protect them and that’s rlly sad to think abt so I won’t be crashing out per say but I’ll definitely be depressed
So. With all the other members, I had been thinking about their deaths since I started rewatching hxh. But. It only recently occurred to me that Franklin might die. And !!! I will be brutally murdering all of you😄😄😁 I will kill everyone on tumblr I will kill everyone on TikTok I will definitely kill everyone on twitter and I will kill everyone I know irl you guys will see me on the news for mass murder I will GENUINELY crash out none of you will be safe from my wrath I will have unprecedented levels of pure rage in my system and I will be doing nothing but screaming in agony for multiple days on end you guys will unfortunately have to deal with my posts about her death for at least two weeks straight I will not be nice about this I will grab a gun and air out this fuckass app in memory of Franklin she means so much to me I will cry so hard I will NOT be okay
And Chrollo’s just not dying. I FULLY believe that Hisoka will just leave Chrollo alone after killing all the spiders. Why? Because it’d be so unspeakably cruel. And it would fit the narrative themes so well. I think Chrollo losing his nen and Kurapika saying he’ll have to understand understand the grief of losing the people he loves was foreshadowing... or maybe I’m delusional… but think about how insane that would be guys I fully believe this I’m sticking with it unless I get proven wrong
And that’s all thanks for my listening to my yap sesh if Franklin dies I will livestream viral rope and chair challenge😁😁😁😁😁😁
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luxsf · 7 months ago
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Rating Sally Face ships !!!!
(IF YOU DONT AGREE THAT IS OKAY)
Salash (Sal x Ash): 7/10 I think they are very cute :D Ashely can be kinda too much at times so I gave it a 7/10 !!
Salvis (Sal x Travis): 9.5/10 I personally think it is the best ship but I think both of them have a lot of problems and mental struggles that I feel would probably get in the way of their relationship.
Sal x Larry: -51298383928101011477219/10 Disgusting.
Todd x Neil: 10/10 One of the best ships (and it cannon yesss) Neil is so sweet and I love him sm they are perfect for each other jabdidbsiebwjwbsj
Larry x Ashley: 7/10 I feel the same way about this one like the one for salash tbh. Its really cute tho and I think they are really good for each other :D
Todd x Sal: 6/10 I only recently found out that people ship other characters with Todd. Like i thought we all had a mutual agreement that Neil and Todd were perfect together but ig not lol I dont have a problem with it tho i think it adorable. I personally dont really ship it. Maybe kinda but not really lol. Its kinda cute tho!
Todd x Travis: 10/10 (used to be a 7/10 but now its my fav ship lmao) Once again i didnt know people shipped anybody else with Todd. This is kinda cute I actually like it a lot lmao I feel like the bathroom scene still makes sense with this ship. Its kinda cute and I like it more than sal x todd lol
Larvis (Larry x Travis): 6/10 (This used to be a 2/10 but I have changed my mind lmao) i actually really like larvis now bc bow I actually know why people ship it. I think it is pretty cute🙏🏻🙏🏻
Larry x Todd: 4/10 i dont have any strong feelings on this tbh. I dint really see it but I dont hate it or anything it okay.
Chug x Maple: 10/10 Cuteee (and cannon aaaaaa) they are a great couple and work really well together. I love this a lot :D
Maple x Larry: 6/10 I can kinda see it tbh. I saw this theory that the reason Maple is so awkward around Larry is because they used to date or something. Idk if its cannon tho but I like this idea a lot :D
Chug x Sal: 0/10 why is this a thing?!?!?!?!
Phillip x Travis (Phillip is gonna get his own post that will discuss this ship as well): 3/10 If phillip was in the game as a cannon character with actual scenes then maybe this would have liked this ship better. Fannon phillip is just to much like sal and is kinda of not his own character. I dont really like it that much but ig its not terrible.
Phillip x Larry: 0/10 wth is this fandom omg😭😭 Phillip isnt even a character idk who you guys are coming up w this stuff.
Phillip x Ashley: 2/10 I feel the same way for basically all phillip ships! (Except for Phillip x Travis) but i read a fanfic that had this ship as a side ship it was kinda cute so extra points ig
Any cannon gay character x one of the girls: 0/10 your gross if you ship that
Also for all of the oc x cannon ppl i give your ship a 10/10 !! (I love oc x cannon sm) (also if your oc x cannon is like illegal or proship then 0/10 immediately. Thats weird and gross.)
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filurig · 2 months ago
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Any tips on how to display YouTube content (such as animatics, pmvs, amvs) of your stories without spoiling too much of your narrative? I've been struggling a lot with subtlety when it comes to YouTube ideas.
FJKDSFDS TBH IM . not sure if im the best person to ask this because i feel i have historically spoiled way too much in pmvs until i actually decided to try to be more obscure about it (and even then i feel i reveal too much sometimes esp outside of vids). tbh a reason why i havent really made a lot of pmvs more recently is that i have sworn off depicting some story events/developments until i get to depicting them in the actual final presentation of my story (whatever it will be, comic or graphic novel we will see). luckily ive kind of non-canonized most of my old vids (since things have just naturally changed in the story as ive actually been writing it) so i feel the big events i spoiled in those have changed enough/arent canon anymore so i dont feel too bad
i guess then for my mindset now when making a pmv and actively trying to be more opaque is this:
more specific to pareidolia but im only choosing to depict events during pt 1 and also in more broad strokes. some important events/status quo changes i have depicted (in my latest pmv) but the way in which i did so was by trying to be as vague about it as possible - not showing how they happened or how they got there which can open up for more interpretations and in turn not really spoil as much. cuz i think the most intriguing thing is knowing HOW or WHY something happened which is why i keep it kind of vague for the most part
if you're not planning for it to be a big plot point in the actual story, always remember you can make stuff of backstory material!! folke's backstory doesn't really come up in detail in pareidolia the way im planning it so thats one of the story aspects i consider making more pmvs of in the future and perhaps making them more cohesive since i think that would only come up in detail if i made "prequel" material
symbolism is always fun to utilise and especially so if its already present in your story. because if you have a scene that is not entirely literal but still depict it out of context in a pmv it can be a nice way to depict a scene without spoiling much bcs without the context theres way more ways to interpret whats happening
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anittam · 7 months ago
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ToT Theory: We Already Passed The Prologue, We Just Didn't Realized It
Hi, nerds! I been on a break from playing tears of themis, bc for a while it stopped being a game I enjoy playing and started feeling more and more like a chore, but recently I started playing again, so I think I will start posting again, so yeah.
Yesterday when I got home from work, instead of my brain helping me relax, it kept bombarded me with abstract and useless concepts, preventing me from sleeping, and just like that, this theory was born.
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Warning: Crack theory (I meant it), and spoilers.
I have no clue of how long you been playing tot, but let me tell you something, early game tot fandom were fighting for the lives, because of the game's prologue, that shit was crypted (I not sure if I used this right) as fuck, for no good reason. Trust me when I say, people were losing iq points trying to get some sense out of this.
So many theories were made, some saying that vyn was the villian, rosa was a traitor or amnesiac, stuff like that, but what most theories had in common was that the prologue happend somewhere in the future of the game, that eventually we would do a full circle and go back to the begining of the game.
So here is my sleep deprivation theory on this subject, the prologue happended somewhere between the blossom chapter 4 and the first year anniversary.
Hear me out, at this point of the game I fully I believe that the dream sequence was really a dream, and not a trance vision. Rosa, our sweet sweet Rosa, just received love confessions from her four good male friends, and she doesnt know what to do, she is overthinking and overanalyzing trying to decide who she should chose, because she likes all four of them in a romantic way. She is thinking about it so much that she even started dreaming about it.
In the dream sequence, she sees the boys, Luke, Artem and Marius, and its connection with them, being represented by 3 objects.
If you paid attention to the blossom chapters, you would realize that thoses objects where thing that represents Rosa getting closer to them, by the way, all of those objects where introduce in the first blossom chapter (I think is because the writes just had a general ideia of the way the story would go so they just putted there in the beginning so they wouldnt have to think to much about them). The 3 objects were, luke's box, which is a central point to his personal story, a painting Marius gifted Rosa, and a bouquet Artem sended to Rosa (I know the flower is not the same, but the change is to represent Rosa's feelings at that moment).
These 3 things, although important in helping Rosa and the ones she loved build a strong relationship, it also brings her sorrow because of her indecision. Because she cant possibly love four people at the same time, thats insane, and cruel on them.
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But anyway, after that she sees herself in vyn's office, and he say some weird shit, which phrase referring to one of the boys.
Luke: he talks about the chest of memories, rosa spent 8 years think about luke, what she did wrong, why he abandoned her, just for him to throw some bullshit excuse at her, in luke's first bithday card, Rosa say that she hated luke, but she cant stop loving him. But since he came back, she started to learn more and more about him, and his new life, and she is not exactly thrilled. When it come to she and Luke, there are trust issues, that are very hard to overlook, but they learn to work it out.
Marius: he talks how Rosa pretends to be okay and she is not, and that my friends is a recurring theme in their relationship. And not only her, but Marius is the same, they are constantly trying to not let the other know whats going on, they put on this facade of "im fine, dont worry" which just let the other more concerned. They have communication problems, but as the story they learn to be more open, and properly communicate their needs and concerns.
Artem: this part is the most used in "Rosa is a traitor" theories, because vyn talks about standing by your convictions but betraying your heart. And seeds of this happening was already presented in cannon storyline and in the Artem's personal story, in chapter 3 of the cannon story, Rosa strongly believes that the law is wrong, because if mother killed to save their child, they shouldnt be punished. And Artem's blossom chapter 2, Rosa wants to go against her clients wishes and push her to put her husband to trail for domestic abuse. In both scenerios, Rosa show herself to be a very closed mind person, and if she thinks somethinf is right, she would stand by it to the very end, what ends up causing friction between her and Artem. But in the end she give up her ideials, to do the "right thing", and that is her greatest conviction, doing what is right, she doesnt always agree, and sometimes she gets hurt in the process, but she done right nonetheless. Alternatively, it could also mean, think she has to choose one boy, even if she likes all four.
And after that she start feeling overwhelmed, she is in pain, and vyn makes her go to sleep again.
Now, what about vyn? What is his part in all of this? Since they barely touched on the hypnosis subject on the game, we could link this to one other moment in the game, in vyn's blossom chapter 4, Rosa witness vyn hypnotizing a pacient to help her realize that the one she loved was only using her, which left an impact on Rosa. Maybe her subconscious thought that such practice would help her decided which boy she should choose, but that didnt help her, just left her more confused.
And then she woke up. Without having her response, and still not knowing who to pick.
And this is my theory.
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determinate-negation · 1 year ago
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Hi, I do absolutely promise that this is in good faith, and I'm only asking bc I am genuinely worried about this: I'm not Jewish, but I've been keeping an eye on spikes of real antisemitism in France (most recently being the murder of a Jewish woman in Lyon who had a swastika tagged on her door, + antisemitic words being spray painted in front of stores in Paris like "Jews are not welcome here", sprayed on walls like "The only good Jew is a dead Jew" + star of David tagged onto walls in Jewish neighbourhoods) and I have to wonder how like. we're going to address this and keep Jewish people safe while never losing sight of protesting for Palestine. I think we should be doing the latter nonstop and nothing should deter us from this, but I also really want to make sure Jewish people in the diaspora are safe. The narrative in France from the media and politicians are very focused on antisemitism but never give the same energy to the carpet-bombing in Gaza or the settler attacks/pogroms of Palestinians in the West Bank, so I know we can't really trust them to go about it. Especially since the "combatting antisemitism" rhetoric always comes with violent anti-Arab racism and anti-immigrant rhetoric.
Since the media and politicians can't be trusted on this front, I wonder how we, on the left, can act. This feels very dangerous for people in the Jewish diaspora, and while I know so many are out protesting for Palestine as well, I also don't want them to feel abandoned by the left regarding acts of antisemitism that likely isn't even caused by advocates for Palestine themselves, but from right-wing/fash opportunists.
How do we combat this?
organizing, solidarity, having people make it clear that they dont tolerate antisemitism if/when it arises. like you cant control who comes to a protest or who does some kind of thing but you can control how its reacted to. that sets a precedent and so on. more than anything FIGHTING THE CONFLATION OF JEWS AND ISRAEL, WHICH ZIONISTS PURPOSEFULLY CONTINUE AT THE COST OF ALL OF OUR SAFETY. all these governments "fighting" antisemitism that is being misdirected at jews because of israels crimes by fascisticly shutting down criticism of israel and arresting muslims en masse are doing probably the worst possible thing and are creatiing conditions for an actual fucking pogrom. there has to be a movement to disattach jews and jewish safety from the interests of these (generally antisemitic anyways) racist imperialist european states. developing the jewish anti zionist movement further, having it be present in the pro palestine movement and there being solidarity and communication is the only answer. i dont know what else to say, im literally just a random person im not like an expert on anything. i dont know what the political situation is like in france. i cant really speak to it. in the us there havent been things like that happening on the same scale, and instances of antisemitism related to pro palestine things have been quickly denounced. but thats america... antisemitism also was never as strongly institutionalized here nor did it have the same long standing basis as france, which literally still has towns named "death to the jews" that the inhabitants dont want to change
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catgenderyuan · 1 year ago
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Um so i recently finished the octavinelle book so i decided to make hc sheets for the three people i've seen overblot so far with my hc that overblotting like. changes ur physicial appearance some. Um the one thing everyone gets from overblotting i call and "Overblot stain" where their fingers and their feet get well. "Stained" pitch black like they dipped their fingers in ink. It is permanant and can be covered by makeup like a tattoo can but yaa.. its like a scar basically.
Um to explain some of the hcs more um I see Riddle as transfem so thats why i used she/her for her hehe.. um but i hc she has really rosy cheeks naturally and used to cover them with concealer but after she overblotted she started to feel more confident with herself n stuff so she stopped covering them um. And i think she used to really hate her stains but after time grew to feel less ashamed by them.
As for Leona uh i like drawing the beastmen (ruggie and jack included) with animal noses with bits of fur above them bc i think they look cute :3 and i think after he overblotted his fur got a little redder ever so slightly and the red bits in his hair got more noticable.
As for Azul um i think he has Octopus eyes even in his human form like i hc Floyd and Jade still have their dark green claw-fingers in their human forms and um ya!!
Ill most likely make more of these hc sheets after i finish more of the books and see more of the overblots. since Riddle's Leona's and Azul's are the only ones ive seen rn :3
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purplepixel · 5 months ago
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1, 2 (Rise specifically) 6, 22, 26, and 33
Sorry, I'm just so curious :}
OHOHOHO GIVING ME SOME GOOD ONES
1) What was your first exposure to TMNT?
Ok so I must've encountered the ninja turtles SOMETIME during my childhood. It's one of those things I kinda knew about but didnt care to look into. And I learned recently that my mom didn't like TMNT so I'm guessing she sabotaged my exposure to them growing up /lh. The clearest memory of TMNT that I have was when my honors humanities high school teacher was trying to get us to remember the Renaissance artists.
"Just think of the ninja turtles"
Me: the who now? Oh that's their names? Ya sry I'll have a better time just remembering the artists
2) What was your first exposure to Rise?
Hmm. Would you laugh if I told you I sat in the break room of my old retail job, was scrolling on jobsites to try and get me out of that place, came across a job opening at Nickelodeon for character designer for their new show "rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles", thought about how I would redesign the ninja turtles despite having no knowledge of the franchiae, and ultimately decided not to apply bc I lacked faith in myself? (I also lacked the skill but KSJFSJAK)
If only my past self could look at me now.
Ok but for actual exposure to the show, I was sooo late. I think the first I saw of rise was a clip of the S2 finale fight on twitter. I barely remember tho bc that didn't get me to watch the show (surprisingly)
6) Do you own any TMNT merchandise?
Yes! I have some signed posters from Andy Suriano and a splinter and April doodle.
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The mutant mayhem raph, Mikey, donnie Funko pops (no Leo oops. They didn't have him when I bought these). Mutant mayhem Mini pops, a 1987 Mikey plushie, all the turtle mutant mayhem plushies.
Hardback volumes 1-7 of TMNT IDW. Steel dvd cover of mutant mayhem. These guys
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RAPHS SAIS AS A PIZZA CUTTER (I don't have a pic rn unfortunately ;-;) Have an '87 Mikey keychain thats his shell and nunchaku)
And some fan made keychains
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Craving more. Really wish we had better rise merch. Gotta rely on the fans for that one
22) What is your favorite kind of pizza?
HAWAIIAN AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME. Donnie's wrong
26) What is one of your favorite pieces of TMNT fanart?
Oh wow. There's so many. Uhhhh....scrolls through my archive. This is one of my recent favorites I really love the colors and style of the characters. Bright and fun.
But if animations count, then this
youtube
33) What is your favorite thing you've made for TMNT?
Um oh wow. What to choose. This 100% will change over time especially since I've been cooking lately. I've got a handful of animatics in the work that im REALLY proud of. And my rise/Pokemon au is my personal baby despite me just sharing the tip of the iceberg.
But my silly answer is this. I find this WAAAAY too funny for what it is. I watch on loop anytime I need to get something done.
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iphoenixrising · 1 month ago
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(6am / Prime Girl back with a hit of randomness hehe)
hi babe!! It’s been a long time since I’ve been around ;; I’m sorry about that! I saw your recent post about some health and family things that have been happening, and I am absolutely heartbroken for you. I really really hope that you’re doing well, and that you and kiddo’s year will be able to finish off well!!!<3 ;;
I’m actually back around bc I thought about you when I was driving home from work today and!!! I just really really wanted to come and tell you how much I look up to you as an author and how much you’ve inspired me even after these years since I first found your beautiful works ><
the way you write about emotion and intimacy and how it interweaves in so many different ways is something I think about every time I write something - I always think about the emotions you made me feel with your writing and how wonderful your works are I also post fics on AO3 now, but it’s particularly my ABO fic I wanted to mention to you because I’ve had multiple comments being like ‘I didn’t like abo before this’ or ‘some other fics I read were weird but this one made me give the genre a chance’ and in my head I’m always like OMG THATS HOW I WAS WITH WINTER BABE!! it makes me so SO incredibly happy and I’m always thinking about and am so grateful that you and your wonderful works literally changed not just the genre for me forever and made me ADORE the concept, but showed me that it can relate to love and yearning and intimacy in such incredible ways ㅠㅠ (I also get tons of comments abt people begging for mercy bc they cry every chapter but that’s not the point LOL)
Thank you so so much for being such an amazing author that not only produces beautiful works, but that has always interacted with me so kindly ㅠㅠ I was going through a lot of things when I was reading your works and they always brought me so much comfort (they still do btw!) and really showed me a way of writing that let me escape from my world for a bit and would have me in tears at 6am ><
Anyways, my life is surprisingly busy nowadays and I know yours is too, but I just wanted you to know that this blog will always hold such a special place in my heart and you inspire me always!!! much much love to you and to kiddo! I am seriously wishing you guys all the best, and I’ll try to be around a little sooner than this next time! 🥺
(p.s. IM SO SO SO SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY YOU LIKED THE CEO TIM PROMPT I WAS GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET ECSTATIC THAT YOU ENJOYED MY TAKE ON IT KDNDKDNSKSNKDNDKSMSKSJSK AND YOUR THOUGHTS???? JUST ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AS ALWAYS???? YOUR BRAIN IS AMAZING ISTG I WAS DEAD AND IM JUST SO HAPPY YOU LIKED IT ><)
BABE. Babe <3 I'm so happy to hear you're writing things and it helps you with everyday life. Oh I'm just so, so happy for you. I've missed you as well and everyone else in the Tim Drake fandom, but the fact you're putting works out on Ao3?? You're writing wonderful things?? You're making people cry because you've pulled them out of themselves to feel things?? This is wonderful babe! This is the best news EVER! I'm so proud of you I can't even stand it. Writing is so hard and it can hurt so much to put things out there to people, and you are so, so brave and amazing to find your way. I'm thankful you've found the strength within yourself to do daring things.
Babe. Congratulation.
Send me links, I beg! I beg. I will read ALL THE THINGS AOB.
I still read the fuck out of fanfics but I've moved into BL (my fandom blog is a mess because I love too many of them) instead of DC, but releasing my fics back into the wild might have spurned something, might have brought back the muse a bit, so I might try to give it another go! I've got some very important chapters to things I promised people and maybe it's time I keep those promises. (Because @satire-please deserve a final ending to Dr!Tim).
I even went on the Capes and Coffee Discord just to talk out some ideas and that's a pretty big step to be honest.
But, even tho life is busy and you're moving into new, exciting things and people are rightfully in love with your fics and your brain, I will always have a spot for you here. You can always come back to me and read or talk out ideas or tell me how life is going. I adore you and hope only great things in your journey <3
(YOUR IDEAS ALWAYS INSPIRE I SWEAR I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH BECAUSE THIS THING WAS EASY TO WRITE AT THE TIME AND I STILL FEEL LIKE I COULD FLESH IT OUT MORE SOME DAY)
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fruitcoops · 1 year ago
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hello lovely eve. ive been having thoughts, recently. anyway wondering if you would want to write something to do with the day/time after a hard day. youve done some of my absolutely favourite fics for like Bad Days (im thinking esp rn of what we deserve (i think thats what its called)) but also after that? bc the after support is so crucial and i think the lions would do so well. any ship!! if not, i totally understand, i hope your day/week is lovelylovely!!
This is such a great prompt! The aftershocks of hard events are just as important as the conflict itself--this ask was combined with one for a timeskip followup to Self-Care, a fic about Finn's bad habits. All characters belong to @lumosinlove <3
Leo paused at the back of the couch and bent, nestling a kiss on the top of Finn’s head. “Good book?”
A quiet hum answered.
“Good part?”
Another hum; Finn pressed up and Leo tilted his head to leave another kiss on his temple. A clatter and a soft curse filtered out of the kitchen, but Finn hardly flinched.
Leo nuzzled against the wispy, silken ends of his hair until his cheek could slot just above Finn’s ear. The couch dug into his stomach a bit, but he didn’t mind. “You tired?”
Finn’s laugh answered his question before his words ever could. “Yeah.”
He picked at the hem of Leo’s threadbare Saints sweatshirt with a sleepy kind of apathy. His book hung limp from the fingers of his other hand, abandoned only two pages past where it had been the last time Leo checked on him. Finn’s breaths were methodic when he rubbed a palm over his chest and nibbled the shell of his ear, just to watch a smile pull at his tired eyes. “Come to bed.”
Finn cast him a sideways, skeptical look. “It’s 8:45.”
“And you’re the sleep police?” Leo hooked a finger in the collar of his sweatshirt and pulled. “It’s been a long day. You’re tired. We can fix that problem with our nice new mattress.”
Finn was quiet for a moment; Leo felt him lean back into the cushions and the cradle of his arm, a slow breath leaving him when Leo began toying with the hoodie strings. “You know, I kind of miss the old one.”
“It barely fit us.”
“Yeah.” Fondness shone on every word. “It was nice. Waking up all over each other. Always had you in arm’s reach.” Another beat of silence passed. “I lose you at night, sometimes.”
Oh god. Leo’s heart yanked—he held Finn a little tighter. “Sorry, cher.”
“Not your fault.”
“Is that…is that why you were upset today?” Logan came out of the kitchen with a precarious tray of tea, tongue poking out over his lower lip as he balanced their mugs on the table. Leo caught his eye and gave a small smile that relaxed the pinch of his forehead.
Finn took no notice of the change, save for a shift to the side in an obvious bid to have Logan sit next to him. “Nah,” he said as Logan took the hint and tucked himself between the arm rest and Finn. “Just a bad day, I think. Sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for.” Logan tugged the book from Finn’s hands and set it aside, then replaced it with a mug of tea and pressed his fingers around the warm ceramic with an encouraging nudge. “Drink. You’ll sleep better.”
Finn smiled wryly. “Morphine? Chloroform?”
“Decaf. Very potent.”
“Thanks, Lo.”
Logan poked his ankle with his foot and snuggled Finn under his arm. “Don’t thank me for things you do every day.”
Finn went to protest, but something on their faces must have stopped him, because he bit back the words and took an obedient sip of tea. Leo didn’t know why he watched so intently—maybe for reassurance, maybe to make sure Finn was really on the up-and-up. Steam curled up around his copper lashes and turned the tips invisible when he blinked. He gave a nod. “ ‘S good.”
“Of course it is.”
“I’m—” Finn pressed his lips together and exhaled; steam billowed off his mug. “I’m sorry my brain doesn’t work right.”
Once, that would have broken Leo’s heart. Once, he would have jumped to soothe and bent over backwards to fix it all. Once, he would have taken it as personally as a slap to the face. Not enough. Not good enough. Missing Finn’s signals left and right—did Leo even love him, if he couldn’t pay attention?
The tight ball of insecurity in his chest may as well have been a marble, rolling about and looking for something to knock over in an empty room. He kissed the top of Finn’s head again. “I don’t see anything you need to be sorry for.”
“I’m sorry I missed your pass earlier,” Logan said, taking a long sip of his own tea. “It was a good one. I just wasn’t looking.”
Finn’s shoulders relaxed under Leo’s hand. Fuck yeah, Tremblay. There’s my MVP. “Really?”
“Mhmm.”
“What about—”
“You were on form.” Normally, Leo didn’t like it when Logan interrupted. This seemed like a much-needed exception. Logan raised his eyebrows at Finn’s suspicious look. “You were. I know you don’t feel like it, but you looked really good out there. That pass was on me.”
Finn’s punch to his shoulder was a roll of knuckles at best. Logan still smiled, still took it with faux-hurt and a hand over the heart. “Eyes up, Tremzy.”
Logan whistled quietly. “Five for fighting and two for roughing. What would Coach say?”
“Doesn’t count if you deserved it.”
“Oh, is that how that works?” Leo laughed. Logan glanced up at him with an impish grin, and passed the last mug over the couch. Peppermint filled the air, sweetened by honey.
They drank in relative silence, hands and legs and arms looped around each other until Leo could hardly tell where one ended and another began. Finn was right; however nice it was to not risk falling off the mattress in the middle of the night, he did miss the inevitable proximity of fitting three people on a single bed.
He supposed it wouldn’t be too hard to make an effort tonight.
The clock ticked as nine o’clock arrived at last. Leo finished the last of his tea and leaned over Finn to set it on the table, offering an apology in the form of a kiss to his cheekbone. “Bedtime.”
“Yeah.”
Logan took the mugs, Leo took Finn, and Finn went without protest into a brief, firm hug. “Love you,” Leo murmured. He felt the answering mumble more than he heard it. “Your brain isn’t broken.”
Finn sighed, slipping his hands under Leo’s shirt to rest against his skin. “Feels broken.”
“I think it’s pretty great, regardless.”
“You’re just a really nice person, Le.”
“I just love you a whole lot.” He let Finn pull away and cupped his face in both hands, running his thumbs along the summer lilac under his eyes. Exhaustion tarnished his bright edges. “Come to bed with me?”
Finn rested there for several seconds, then nodded. They went together.
Leo had only just managed to tuck Finn into the curve of his body before Logan was there, shuffling under the sheets to join them and reaching over Finn’s waist to hold the crook of Leo’s elbow. Finn made a quiet, sleepy noise and pushed his face into Logan’s chest; Logan’s eyes crinkled at the corners, and his expression only grew more contented when he looked up and found Leo already watching them.
Leo waited until Finn had mostly relaxed into drowsy limbo before risking a thumbs-up across the sheets. Logan fought back a smile and returned it, nose scrunching. Success. Another win for their tally. It was a shit day, a hard day, but they could still end it like this and that would be more than enough.
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foxfirexo · 4 months ago
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my minecraft base on a server with a couple ppl; i am very proud of how it is turning out, the vibes are cozy and it has very organically expanded over time :3
tiny bit of story feel free to ignore and just scroll past but i feel like oversharing so fuck u (kindly <3)
ive always been pretty creative even if i spent the last decade or so telling myself i wasnt. when i was little it was lego, when i got older it was minecraft (among other things)
but being an audhd transgirl growing up in a very conservative southern baptist household (and as a PK and MK at that ;-;) and whose very existence was just fundamentally at odds with the teachings i was raised, i felt a lot of lot of pressure to suppress any self expression or identity i might have and with that went a lot of my creativity
after all, how am i supposed to be creative without expressing myself? and if ive numbed all the thoughts that i want to share bc they get me in trouble w my parents, what am i supposed to put into my art?
also being told your whole childhood that you're a guy and receiving all that lovely generational societal trauma of male gender roles and expectations really crushed the pointless wonderful meanderings of my mind. god i cringe a bit now(w compassion<3) but i used to brag about how obsessed i was with productivity, efficiency, logic, order but in hindsight i think it was 98% just feeling like i had to be a high achieving eventually bread winning "guy"
anyway as such ive had a very on again off again relationship w minecraft. it was a coping mechanism when i was young so ive put probably a good 5k+ hours into it but it became increasingly difficult to enjoy as i got older and ive gone years at a time never touching the damn game
its funny bc you could probably chart my whole healing journey and my ups and downs of my mental health by just measuring # of hrs spent in mc per month
but very recently ive been finally reaching a point (thank u therapist) that i am allowing myself the joy of self expression, that i am accepting and loving myself without the judgement of my youth holding me back, that i no longer feel like i have to hide myself away for fear of being crushed again because i have the self love to stand on my own two feet no matter what anybody else thinks
as silly as this probably sounds, joining tumblr just over a week ago has actually played a part in this too. ill probably ramble more ab that some other time whenever i feel like oversharing again but suffice it to say that this environment is incredible and everyone on this platform has made me feel so so so comfortable in my own skin being myself sharing my thoughts and feelings and just existing :3
and ya its a bit goofy but im actually seeing this milestone in how im playing minecraft. not only am i playing again (pretty regularly, too!) but im... just fucking around. no plan, no goal, if i have an idea pop into my head i just go out and do it but im equally content to just strip mine, chop trees, tend to my farms, whatever sounds good in the moment.....
and im building again too!!! no worrying about doing it "right", no stressing about wasting time bc i didnt count something right and now i have to move that wall or i changed my mind and now i have to redo all my flooring... just chipping away at it, trying out new blocks or decor ideas, enjoying it more for the process than the finished product and never needing anything to truly be finished
so ya :3 i havent felt this amazing playing minecraft since probably 2014/15 and im super proud of myself for getting to this point, its been a long journey and im by no means done but silly little things like this give me so so so sooo much hope and encouragement ^^
k thats all if u actually read all that im sorry or ur welcome lol
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