#bc that’s what she expects from everyone right? but then he validated her instead and she’s like oh he gets it too???

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

Another Starlo rant + there's some stuff to clarify

this is my reply to the latest post from @a-legacy-not-to-be-forgotten bc i feel like he mainly had me in mind when he wrote it, which I don't mind, really. After all, we're both apologists of different characters and i DO respect your opinion. Just wanted to throw my two cents in and clarify some stuff (please read till the end)

Exhibit A (having Moray walk around with a snake in their boot and giving them rashes): I always thought this was some kind of job policy, all bc Star's so ambitious and expected his (future) employees to be the same. He wanted everyone to prove they were "real" cowboys. That's also why everyone had lassons for 8 weeks and he had that kangaroo locked in a cell for sneaking a phone in (although it IS hypocritical that Star himself is allowed to own a TV).

Star expects a lot from everyone because he himself gives it his all to make this town as realistic as possible and makes everybody behave like real cowboys (and imo he thought Moray was fine with having a snake in their boot for a week since they probably didn't complain. Star most likely didn't even know the snake gave them rashes/apologized if Moray had told him this). Honestly he's too obsessed and passionate and can be too much without realizing it, that I can't deny

Exhibit B (The Boulder Droppers): No matter how severe (It IS severe), I still see this as super careless (and super forgetful of Starlo), rather than reckless. Again, another instance where he screws up but there's no ill intent. Also he apologized for this to Gilbert

Exhibit C (blaming Clover for everything that happened and shooting them over it): TRUE 100%

...now, Ceroba was doing her best to understand Starlo and he needed her to get back on the right track, but I still think she views him more as a manchild than someone worthy of respect. I don't hate Ceroba or see her as a heartless bitch and a terrible friend (there's that post of mine where I explained everyone's flaws, and it turns out Starlo is the most flawed of them all, which I admitted). I just think her and Star aren't on the same wavelength.

She WAS on the same wavelength as Chujin and that's why I ship them. Ceroba deeply admired him (still does) and honesty she has the right to love whoever she wants. Still, I can't get out of my head how she thought that her wanting to date Starlo in the past must have had to do with the fact "her brain was still developing," or how she lied to him about the sheriff stuff just to spare his feelings. I get the intentions but she should have told him how she really felt (based on her many annoyed faces I got the message Roba never liked any of this + she says she doesn't understand it). I genuinely saw it as her babysitting/pitying him for his childish fantasies instead of actually enjoying participating in the antics (she does like observing the five tho)

And yeah, everyone (Ed, Ace, Mooch, Moray, Ceroba) knew Starlo ADORED westerns, obviously, but what they DIDN'T know or try to figure out is the deeper meaning as to WHY. I feel like everybody thought it was simply a childish fantasy and didn't stem from any deeper insecurities (the FF, just like Starlo, aren't very good with communicating their feelings; why else would they criticise Starlo right in the middle of town where everyone could hear them instead of going someplace private to have the talk)

HOWEVER!

List of Starlo's character flaws I believe he has: insecure, overly enthusiastic, careless (not reckless bc he doesn't intent to cause chaos), cocky, too obsessed with his status & social image, arrogant, mischievous (particularly with Blackjack), childish, needs too much external validation, uses escapism too much, people pleaser, wants to be everyone's "hero," ignorant, naive, too optimistic, overbearing, too ambitious, stubborn, emotional & sensitive to criticism, too obsessed to the point he ignores everyone and everything else, actually IS selfish (I wanna take this opportunity to correct myself. Starlo should have listened to his posse and not have snapped like that & dismissed what they had to say, but they should have also let him know how they felt way earlier and tried to understand Star's pov & deeper insecurities he has & should have not publicly lectured him since they SHOULD know how much he wants to protect the reputation he worked hard to earn. Everyone should have reacted differently)

We don't know what Starlo was like before Clover but based on the way none of his posse ever talked smack about him, gave him dirty looks, or overall acted like they didn't wanna be part of the team, I assumed they either didn't mind his enthusiasm before he got obsessed with Clover, or kept their frustrations with his passion hidden well and didn't choose to communicate at all with him about how they really feel.

As for Star himself, I just don't see him as having been a bad boss. Ed even said how he would always ask him nicely to do stuff, and Dina explains how the only arguments the five of them had were about trivial matters, and how things were pretty predictable before Clover. So I don't think he had made any huge fuck ups. The five were always together in all their shenanigans (Dina says they're like siblings) and Ceroba mentions how she hasn't seen Star "this ecstatic in some time". Which is why I think he didn't step outta line or mistreat others before his dream of meeting a human came true.

HOWEVER #2!

I just remembered a single line of dialogue from Ed, which suggests that Star might have been more bossy than I thought and didn't actually ever ask his posse about their opinions. If this is the case, and probably is because Ceroba says he had changed a lot, scratch that stuff I said before about him not being a bad boss

He acts selfish because he's insecure, but I still shouldn't have used that as an excuse. It's interesting how he's got both selfishness and selflessness inside him at the same time, but yeah, bc of his undeniable charm I overlooked the selfishness part. guilty as charged

time to add that and his bossiness as another one of star's many flaws

Another thing: while all of Ceroba's flaws seem to come from the tragedy that had struck her (besides being stubborn), every single one of Starlo's flaws stem from him and how he feels about himself. He had a normal family, a best friend, and his own friend group, with whom he could discuss his nerdy interests. I think THIS is what makes him so loveable. He techincally doesn't have a real REASON to feel unhappy, but he did, before he became 'North Star' But that persona was exactly WHAT he needed to let go of to be himself and be truly happy

I once jokingly mentioned how Starlo's name could mean "Star + loser" and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense for his arc. He wants to be 'North Star' (all cool and badass and important), but in reality, the real him is just a nice guy who loves his friends. And even if that doesn't make him popular and a loser farmer instead, at least that is the real him who he shouldn't have been running away from

I do love when my fave character ain't perfect and has inner conflicts to work on

To conclude this rant, I want to apologize to the Four and Ceroba for not taking into consideration their pov more and being way too obsessed with this charming nerd

also, @a-legacy-not-to-be-forgotten, your rant gave me much to rethink and for that I thank you

[zaritarazi]

okay listen i was talking to ki about constantine in legends and we ended up on "zari and behrad and astra but in constantine" and let me tell you. this idea is delicious

astra kind of already has a set plot we can come back to her if we'd like bc i, tumblr user zaritarazi, would, surprisingly, love to talk about the idea of zari & behrad tarazi and how they would fit and act in this universe instead of the legends one

now you're going to have to walk with me a bit because i am, for all intents and purposes, kind of hot glueing parts of dc magic canon together- in fairness, this is also what dc comics does and i am objectively more valid- so we have black adam who never actually shows up in this imagined second? third? season of nbc's constantine, he's allowed to be bi in this one, but basically zari and behrad are minor characters that flit in and out to be like hey. just a reminder there's way bigger things out there and some of them, at some point, will be either your fault or your problem. also did you kill doctor fate you stupid fuck

so like in my head zari is a mix of comics canon, archeology adjacent, very heavily zari tarazi, outside presentation of a very bubbly socialite (THIS IS A TRICK) actual personality of like, extraordinarily clever, too sharp-witted, cares about humanity, but also feels very detached from it by this point. and she's aware of that and she's not thrilled about it. she and john have a deeply antagonistic relationship, and she's right, they flirt constantly and only through negging.

essentially both consider the other a con-person and a professional liar and King or Queen Not to Be Trusted, any time john's flirting gets too friendly zari threatens to tell teth-adam and any time she does that john asks her why he's never actually around (this is a complicated plot point i haven't decided on. i'm writing an imaginary third? season of a show that didn't get a second. bear with me)

actually everyone shut up i'm a genius bc felix faust is a big antagonizer of black adam and john constantine, had a super gross plot when he brought adrianna back to life that we will not be using, but he is a common enemy even though john kills him once or twice a season. bringing the tarazis in as signifiers of the far-off black adam circling in the distance bc john can't kill faust well enough is like... kind of brilliant of me, actually,

also zari is very very good at getting rare items, either because she's rich or very charming or both. i don't think she's a celebrity in this one, i think the tarazis are just rich, not sure how or why, roll with it, but she's a very good finder of things, and also she can still talk to dragons. this is mentioned once and never explained

okay this post went on way longer for zari than i expected- i'm sure you knew this would be the case but you know me better than i know myself- behrad but in nbc's constantine, he's allowed to be bi in this one, post to follow at some point soon

[bogunicorn]

Rambly thoughts about DA Absolution under the read more.

Imagine my relief when fucking Rezaren didn't get woobied as someone doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Like, fandom is fandom and he's a skinny white guy with magic so I'm sure there will be some fuckshit if fandom really takes to this show. But I'm weirdly grateful that we as the audience weren't expected to have sympathy for that specific devil.

Also, maybe I'm just jaded because of the sheer amount of movies and shows that are like "this antagonist would be 100% in the right, so we made them do some atrocities so you won't side with them", but it's also a strange relief that the character who does do shitty things for sympathetic reasons isn't the most oppressed character around, for once. It's Hira, whose anger and trauma are clearly justified and validated by the narrative, but also isn't entirely removed from her background as a Tevinter noble, even a disgraced one. Burning down an entire country - the bad and the good - is a position of pretty intense entitlement that she holds onto even after having what seem to be pretty genuine feelings for a formerly enslaved person. The difference between Miriam and the thousands of enslaved elves still living in Tevinter is chance, and Hira is clearly comfortable siccing Meredith on everyone regardless of status just for the association.

I love that Hira lived (no fridged lesbians!), I love that Roland and Lacklon kissed on screen instead of being implied (bc it's so common to have explicitly queer women but not men in the same work), I love that the villains weren't comically evil but instead rather mundanely so. I really like that "we're not family and you're actually the bad guy" was a genuine shock to Rezaren.

I think it was a good, if brief, glimpse into Tevinter. I'm fascinated by the idea of the Tevinter Circles using Harrowings; it definitely seems like a final exam or a prestige sort of thing? I wonder if they're a requirement for graduation or something optional? They seem private; maybe I have to look at the scene again but the only bodies at Rezaren's Harrowing looked to be his mom's and Neb's.

Also! Pavus namedrop! I was hoping we'd actually see Dorian in the show, but having that little bit of information about his ancestry is neat, too.

[pansy-picnics]

@okayishalchemist i’m not gonna reblog again bc i’m already embarrassed about making that whole thread on someones art post + it’s not really related to that discussion LOLLL but YES YOU GET IT!!!! rapunzel was NOT responsible for varian the way some ppl seem to think she was….temporary queen doesn’t mean you need to drop EVERYTHING to help one little white boy especially when the entire kingdom is simultaneously in danger….and obviously this isn’t meant to be accusatory and i know i’m literally the only one making it a gender thing, but it just kind of annoys me sometimes because when it comes to the general audience who don’t look much deeper into the situation they ALWAYS side with varian, and act like rapunzel is this horrible person for not helping him….when like lbr if the genders were swapped and this was a man who was asked to help a little girl ppl would NOT CARE!!!! they’d be sympathizing with them if anything!!! like “ohh he’s so sad he couldn’t help that kid :(“ even if his ass did NOTHING. but whatever. that’s for another day and i think i might get bashed for that one so i’ll just leave that there.

idk. it just mildly annoys me sometimes because it feels like people just subconsciously expect female characters to drop everything to help others and be like this unconditional motherly figure. but like rapunzel knew varian for what….3 months??? she met up with him maybe 4 times on screen and maybe like 5 altogether since she knew ruddiger’s name??? i’m all for varian and rapunzel being siblings but she is NOT his mom and i feel like a lot of the argument just boils down to everyone expecting her to be. like sure you can say rapunzel should have done more but like really what ELSE was she supposed to do??? she looked for him and couldn’t find him. she felt totally helpless in the situation, and she probably was trying to ignore it bc she trusted that her parents would solve the issue instead. this situation was the first time rapunzel was really faced with the weight of her new position and the fact that she’d feel overwhelmed and revert to inaction feels completely reasonable to me, and in the beginning of the series she trusted her parents unconditionally and gothel always did everything for her so she probably just assumed that her parents would help where she was unable to. i mean it makes sense right??? why wouldn’t they?????

we saw so much of the conflict from varian’s perspective and it seems like a lot of people just took that 100% seriously despite the fact that he’s a teenage boy who’s dad just basically died LMAO. like obviously his feelings are valid but he is not in the best place to be coming up with logical explanations right now.

ofc this is purely targeted at the people who do look at it from a character perspective rather than a writing perspective and STILL come to the conclusion that rapunzel’s in the wrong because on a writing standpoint i understand just being upset about how it was portrayed. but i feel like some people are just trying to find reasons to hate rapunzel atp and it’s stupid

[neteluvr-library]

okay im back again for my weekly reread of cardigan. anyways these next three chapters are so good and literally so fucking amazing and will never get over how good they are the dialogue is amazing and one of my favorite details EVER and i have been waiting for this moment for the last week weeks and im finally here AHHHHHHH i am excited to actually go through and leave my little notes hehehehe (not me playing around with the annotation formatting tumble is so annoying about indenting that i CANT)

It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

THE VISCERAL REACTION!!!!! "I pictured you with other girls in love Then threw up on the street" 😭 100% valid reaction I would do the same thing.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

ITS GETTING GOODDDD 😭

There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

BABY THATS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM !!!!!!

...but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life.

Neteyam annoyed me so bad during this like bro omg maybe you should have said all this BEFOREEEEE it was too late 😭 men have the worst timing HE HAD PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITY DAMN IT

You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating.

NO BC like...i took astronomy class in college and was proud to get this reference hahaah like it really is sad that stars are so beautiful and bring us so much comfort, yet their time is limited. i think its a perfect reflection of what atan believes her life to be

There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

SHES DOWN BAD YOUR HONOR!!! at this point atan is just so done with life, both physically and mentally, that it literally does not matter anymore. you can tell she's given up on hope completely and is a shell of a person right now

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

MAN JAKE BETTER STFU!!!!!!! like don't piss me off . i get his concern but he better watch his tone with atan. POOR BBY IS SUFFERING AND NEEDS LOVE AND INSTEAD, ALL SHE GETS IS BETRAYAL!!!!

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

THATS RIGHT ATAN GET HIS ASS 😭 no but what does jake expect? that's a huge fucking betrayal and she has every right to feel as angry and hurt. like she spent the last few years guarded and to herself, and the one time atan decides to push that to the side, she is betrayed by everyone. like i get that it was neteyam's responsibility and even jake threatened him before and told neteyam he needed to to tell atan, it doesn't sit right with me that they all had her looking stupid especially when they all know just how much of a bond they had together. the second atan got her new body, both neytiri and jake should have had a serious conversation with neteyam 😭

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

Tuk standing and wondering what the fuck did she do wrong HAHAHAHA

For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

):

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

FIRST OFF OUCH!!!!!!! atan thinking that she is so forgettable that she even has to question whether of no neteyal would remember her. i 100% think he would without a doubt, atan would be like a mythical legand to his kids (you know, if she actually died). but also it's very sad that she has to question whether she will end up like her father because life has been so cruel to her. like woah how did her life even get to this point where there's a possibility she could relive her dad's fate despite having lived completely different lives?

“Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

THIS WHOLE LITTLE SPEECH 😭 i think everyone has thought this to themselves at one point if their lives, perhaps even their lowest point of life, because like yeah what is her purpose?? what was she meant to do? it can be so harrowing trying to figure out your purpose in life when all life wants to do is be mean to you. this was just so relatable and i love it ): I think Atan is probably the most relatable to mean than out of your other female characters ahahaha

You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left.

RAW AS FUCK!!!! (literally her arm is probably raw af) but i think this was an important detail for us to visualize just how far atan is from being okay and any semblance of normal. i mentioned this another chapter, but i really do love the inclusion of atan's dependence on drugs to keep her going because its the most poignant way to showcase someone's depression and despair.

You gave it a fair shot, this life thing

AGAIN, SHES ONLY A BABY ): SHES ONLY 18!!!!!! i think at 18 i felt like i knew everything, but looking back, its still so young and its so sad because at 18 you still have so much to live for and atan just felt like she didn't ):

You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out.

I always loved this line!!!! because like a wild animal, atan is just defending herself from everyone around her and her inevitable death. she's no longer herself.

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13?

ATAN RELEASE BACK TO BACK BOMBS ON NORM ON THIS SCENE it must have felt so good for her to get all of this off her. SHES TELLING EVERYONE OFF, because what else does she have to live for? might as well burn the bridges and die with everything being said, no matter how mean or nasty it may be.

Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you.

For some reason, this reminded me of these lyrics from You're Losing Me:

How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life? I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

This was so beautiful ): their relationship is so interesting because there's such a dichotomy between them. like both of them have both painful and loving memories with each other but its like how could that be at the same time??? like i said with neteyam before, i think they both love so hard that it becomes painful which has unfortunately lead to them the mess they're in right now

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING VOMITTING I CANJNT neteyam being her rock ):

Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

let's unpack that babygirl

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

DONT PISS ME OFF NETEYAM!!!! i truly think men are very stupid and at their core....just men.n even the most dreamiest of men, like neteyam, are men. i just cant get behind his reasoning even when he explains himself with so much emotion. because like THATS the best he could come up with? like how is he both selfish and selfless at the same time? it just feels like he's so centered on himself that even in his valiant efforts, he wasn't truly thinking about atan and how this might affect her. like who are you to decide that for atan, she is capable of making her own decisions and choosing who she wants in her life. i have beef with him now LMFAO maybe you can give me some clarity

just you and me

hehehehheheheh

Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

.....but you still left her.

You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes.

EXACTLY!!!!! i just cant wrap my head around neteyam's reasoning. i wish i had more words to describe how i feel about it but i cant actually verbalize it into a sentence.

The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

you are so poetic like i will never get over it

To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

Cause they see right through me They see right through me They see right through Can you see right through me?

no bc this life was so relatable to me and i felt so called out and i still feel called out because i truly feel like this sometimes. and its like atan was just so good at hiding her hurt and it makes me so sad to realize that no one know just how much she was hurting ): i know she wanted it that way but to have all of that on display for someone else to see is, again, another way to showcase just how far gone she is from her "normal" self

All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out

Neteyam gagged her omg...

What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you?

NO LITERALLY WHAT WAS ATAN THINKING like as much as i think neteyam is bad for leaving her, atan is even worse for not telling everyone she was dying. like it would be so traumatizing just to die and leave everything and everybody unresolved because atan was too afraid to speak the truth.

OKAY I STARTED THIS AT LIKE 6:30 AND ITS CURRENTLY 8:11 DAMN!!!!!!!!! to be fair i was going back and fourth between my phone and this and im gonna draft it until i finish the other two chapters but no way im gonna finish it all tonight especially for the next chapter LOL

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VIII: My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: All secrets are revealed and both you and Neteyam have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, limited mentions of Y/N, did i mention angst, angst and more angst?

Word Count: 10,3k words (the first couple chapters were 3k, how did we get here??!)

A/N: This chapter killed me a little inside. I cried multiple times writing it, so I guess fair warning. I wanted really badly to build strong, round characters who had flaws and strengths and strong reasoning for acting a certain way/doing certain things. I wanted to write this story from both character's perspective, so it is clear that in life, each person will think they are right, that their reasoning was the correct one, when in reality, we are all a little right and a little wrong in everything we do, and it is always worth trying to see things from the other's perspective. We are coming towards the end of this first series, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this journey. As always, thank you so much for everyone who engaged with it, I loved reading ALL of your comments and replies, they really make my day.

(Also, I feel like I am playing my own little game of "how many Taylor Swift and OG Avatar lyrics/quotes/references I can reasonably fit in a story without it being obnoxious" and I can't tell if I'm winning or not.)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

You registered the girl asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t see in front of you, the entire room spinning like the inside of a mirrorball. You felt your body rise from where it was sat next to Neteyam’s, and shakily made your way out. Neteyam’s mate. Neteyam’s mate was next to you, asking you if you need help. It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” you manage to blurt out weakly.

You heard more commotion, and faintly made out Jake’s voice and his arm on your shoulder, trying to bring you back to them.

“Neteyam, what the hell happened?”

You didn’t hear Neteyam speak. He was quiet and you were glad. You didn’t want to hear his voice, not now, and not for the rest of your life.

The world came back to focus eventually, and you spit aggressively trying to get rid of the taste of acid in your mouth. You removed Jake’s hand from your back, and left. The thought of speaking or even looking at any of them was too much to bear. You ran, harder than you ever had before, back to where you just came from, the Ikran nest in the village. You immediately recognised your own, beautiful, gold and white, pure, unlike the rest of this world. Neyn (light colours, shades of white)… fitting name, you thought. You made the tsaheylu quickly, and without a second thought, took off.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

You had no thoughts as you flew above the forest and made your way towards the general direction of the Hallelujah mountains. You realised you didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t know how you were going to find your way back, but it didn’t matter. Were you even going to ever return? There were no tears, no sadness, just emptiness. The pieces of your heart broke so finely they turned into dust, blown away in the wind of the night. Eventually you found the mountains, easy enough to spot, even in the darkness, the fluorescent flora marking the territory with an easy-to-see glow. You flew like this, for enough time that your lungs were running out of breath and your skin felt battered by the wind, but you kept going. You felt so free, so weightless. There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

You saw a distant mountain that looked brighter than the others, and you made your way to it and were amazed to find a little cave in it, bright and colourful, a little piece of heaven on a planet that was heaven in and of itself. Neyn landed softly on the edge of the mountain and you dismounted effortlessly and approached her head, giving her pets on her neck, to which she cooed gently. She was the only friend you had, you realise. You were all alone.

“Neteyam, what happened?”

Neteyam was dragged in the tent by his dad, who was fuming. No matter what feelings his dad was feeling, they couldn’t compare to Neteyam’s anguish and terror. Why the hell was she there? She just had to wait another couple of hours and this would have never happened.

“She was patching my wound up when Tiongli came in the tent, announcing to the world she is my mate. Said mother told her about my injury.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on your mother, boy.” the Sully patriarch’s nose was flared, eyes looking at him intensely with anger and disappointment. Neteyam’s eyes filled with tears, and he felt his heart hurting so much like the gash was there instead of his arm.

“I was going to tell her tonight, dad. After dinner. I was going to tell her everything, and I was going to ask her to be my mate. I was going to come to you both and ask you to undo the engagement. I understand that a year and a half ago I gave up on her, I did it for a reason, I thought there was no future for us, and that we were hurting each other. But things have changed. She has changed. She’s going to be one of the people soon and I want her to be mine.”

“Neteyam, you can’t undo the engagement. You have known Tiongli your whole life, her family’s been expecting this since you were both young. You gave your word before Eywa, son.”

“I love her, dad. Do you understand that? I have loved her all of my life. It killed me having to leave, it killed me knowing there was no future, because she was human. But she’s not just human anymore. I was willing to go through with this for the sake of the village, for the sake of the family and the future, but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life. Mother was betrothed to uncle Tsu’tey, and she gave that up for you. It was done before Eywa, and she didn’t care. Because she loved you and she knew that was enough. She gave up being Tsahik, her birth right, so she can have you. I will not give up on her, dad. Mother wouldn’t have given up on you.”

“I have to find her. I have to make this right.”

You were sprawled on your back, feeling goosebumps form along your limbs from the cold grass. You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating. Will you even still be alive when they come? Will everything you have gone through these few months matter? Will everything you have gone through in this life matter? All the pain, and the hurt, and the grief, just so you can die at 18 from a virus. The universe was cruel, you thought. It was a fitting end, though. Meaningless and daft, like your entire life was. Born on a planet you were not made to be able to survive on, your real planet a long-forsaken dream you will never experience for yourself, surrounded by nature that could kill you in an instant. Alone, never fitting anywhere, orphaned by human diseases: cancer and greed. Left to fend for yourself when you were just ten, learning to navigate a life that only seemed to want to clobber you to the ground whenever you thought you finally could stand up again.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, not anymore. You wanted to fight for something, for the chance at life, or at retribution, or at love. You were dying and Neteyam killed whatever hope remained in you. They all did. Norm, Max, Jake, Neytiri, Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, all accomplices, all aware, all willing to lie to your face for weeks with no remorse. You thought you were good at spotting liars, now you just knew how little you knew about everything.

The pain in your soul mirrored the one in your body, as you felt the morphine wearing off and your human body struggling to keep the mind steady for the link. You had to bear it, because this pain was more manageable than the one you knew waited for you in your human form, when you would be alone in a dark room with only your nightmares to keep you company.

With a sigh and a peer up at the sky, you hoped whatever comes after death was better than the hell you’ve lived in the majority of this life.

Neteyam waited the whole night in your tent, waited for you to come back, becoming increasingly worried as the hours passed and you didn’t show. He wanted to go and look for you, but knew that as soon as you got on your ikran, the chances of finding you were thin. He would go to the lab as soon as dawn broke, but for now, he was praying that you would just burst through the tent opening so he can talk you down.

He fucked up, badly. He cringed at the thought of how much he seemed to not be able to get anything right when it comes to you. Everything he did or didn’t do ended up hurting you more, the only thing he didn’t want, the only thing in the world he continuously tried to avoid.

He was consoled by the fact that he would have a lifetime to make it up to you. He will not give up trying, no matter how long, no matter how hard, he was determined to win you back and keep you, forever.

As you made it back to your human body in the early hours of the morning, you regretted waiting so long, as your body was in indescribable agony, the likes with which you didn’t know was possible for the human body to ever experience. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, you were sweating bullets and every bone and muscle in your body throbbed with enough intensity to make it almost impossible for you to get up from the pod. Everyone must be asleep at this hour, you thought. You had to make it to your bed, you had to get at least a couple of hours of rest if you were going to live to see another day. As if you were taking the Iknimaya again, you made your way form the lab to the medical ward and injected another dose of the morphine in your system. There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

You crashed in your room for a few hours and quickly made your way back to the pod before anyone else was there to talk to. You started the linkpod by yourself and got in without hesitation.

Waking up in your Avatar body was a strange experience, as you were still in the Hallelujah mountains where you fell asleep last night. Neyn did not leave you, you noted, and she was peacefully resting next to you, cooing softly in her sleep.

“Hey, beautiful girl. Time to go back. It would be useful if you knew the way.” you pet her gently, trying not to disturb her. She woke up and pushed her snoot in your chest, and you felt it swell for this animal that you had an unbreakable bond with; you were grateful you had done the Iknimaya and at least gained a life companion from that horrible day.

As suspected, Neyn knew where to take you, and in about an hour you made it back to the village. You dreaded it, dreaded the inevitable interaction, but you knew you had to go back at some point and inform them of your whereabouts.

It was still early, so the village wasn’t quite bustling with energy yet. You quietly made it back to your tent, which you found empty. You grabbed your bow and arrows, knife and gun and a couple extra magazines. You didn’t know if you were going to be back. As you were making your way out, your head bumped into a large, muscular chest.

Fuck.

“Where the hell were you all night, kid? None of us slept a wink last night worrying.”

“Out.”

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

You laughed at the irony of his words. He caught your arm as you were walking away and pulled you back forcefully so you can face him.

“You are not going anywhere.”

“Let go.” Jake raised a brow at your words. He was not used to being spoken this way, you realise.

“How long?”

His grasp on you loosened, and his gaze softened when you peered up at him through eyelashes to which tears clung.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Kid…”

“How fucking long, Jake?”

He let go of your arm at your curse, which had never been directed at him before.

“Watch your tone, kid.”

“You made me feel like shit for learning to shoot guns without you. It made you feel bad, right? Knowing I purposefully left you out of something you could have been useful at, something we could have bonded over? I hurt you, by pushing you and Neytiri away for so many years, and I am sorry for that, but you have never, in your life, tried to understand me. So you gave me shit about something you didn’t understand, and I hurt so much inside at the thought of all I gave away by my reluctance to trust, to love, to let people in. So I changed. I let you in. I was here, everyday, acting like a perfect little daughter for you, the daughter I knew you wanted. Strong, capable, skilled. I let Neytiri in. I started calling her mum in my dreams, and although the guilt for my own mother gnawed at my insides silently, I was also relived, to finally have a family again, or for the first time.

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

I trusted you, Jake. You fucking lied to my face for months. Every time I asked where Neteyam was at dinners and you told me he was practicing, every day you plotted to get me out of the village as early morning as humanly possible and get me back after everyone else was fast asleep, I knew it in my heart you were lying, but you were all so good at it, I thought I was going crazy. But no, it was all a carefully planned ruse to not find out you made me come here and be part of the people just to watch the man I love belong to someone else without even a chance to decide for myself how to feel about it.”

The fight brought out the rest of the Sully family out of their tent, and they were all watching you now, concern and sadness displayed across their beautiful faces.

“You all lied to me. Looked me in the fucking eyes and lied to me, every day, multiple times a day. You were supposed to be my family.

The humans are coming. I will be here. I will stand and fight, you know I will. I will be your little soldier, and be who you made me into.

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

You were no longer delightfully numb, but burning with anger and earth-shattering sorrow as you stalked away from the village, leaving everything behind. Your eyes were blurry with endless tears, mourning this life and this family that you managed to gain and lose within the span of a few weeks, reeling from the wounds within your heart that never had a chance to mend before being opened again, over and over. You didn’t want to go back to the lab, knowing Neteyam was most likely looking for you there. You couldn’t go to the clearing for the same reason. You had no home anymore, no place in this world, once again. You could only think of one place to go, one place where no one would ever look for you.

Your knees were shaking furiously as you walked, and you were scared of another flashback that you would have to ride out by yourself, but it never came. You just walked, crying and panting from all the pain the last 24 hours brought, and eventually you made it to a place you never thought you would ever see again. The clearing looked peaceful, with rays of light penetrating through tree branches, creating Mandalas on the ground that you found yourself tracing with your eyes.

In the corner, lay a decrepit exo suit, and you made your way to it, settling on the ground next to it. You knew now this exo suit belonged to your dad, and you removed some vines that grew on top of his name, Gideon Barlowe. A beautiful name, you thought, and your mind wandered to the past, a past way before you were even born, and wondered what your grandparents did back on Earth. Did they encourage their son to leave his own planet in pursuit of planetary colonisation, monetary gain and murderous acts? Did they know? Did he know? Was he like that his whole life, or did he start off fighting the good fight, and was corrupted by the jagged and monstrous lifestyle? You wondered if this was what he has always dreamt of doing, or he had secret dreams of being a painter, or a gardener. Did he play guitar, too? You snored sometimes, did you get that from him? You had so many questions for this man you shared half your DNA with, but have never met. For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

Sobbing uncontrollably, you heard yourself speak in between wails. “Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

A little past eclipse, you arrived at the lab, and used the keycard you remembered to bring with you. You hoped Neteyam would be gone by now, in case he was trying to find you here. You made your way through the hub and into your bedroom, which looked tiny in your Avatar body. You realise how uncomfortable it must have been for him to be here so often, then cursed your brain for making you think about such things. Your Avatar body needed a bed, so you walked slowly to where the other Avatar bodies usually were laid to rest for the night. There should be an empty space where your mum or Grace used to sleep. It didn’t take long for you to wake up back in the linkpod, as with most nights recently, you were barely able to maintain the neurolink by the time evening came.

Max was waiting for you. “Neteyam came by. He’s been looking for you, said you left the village yesterday and didn’t come back. He was worried sick.”

You didn’t answer him, as you slowly got out of the pod and tried to steady your feet on the ground, harder than it seemed when the entire room was spinning around you.

“What happened?”

“The mate you all hid from me for weeks came announcing herself in my tent as we were just about to kiss.”

“Any other questions?”

You didn’t wait for a response before you made your way out of the room, stalking towards the medical ward.

As you retired to your room for the night, you noted the morphine was not working as well as used to anymore. You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left. Maybe a couple of days. A couple more days of this. And then it would finally be over. You gave it a fair shot, this life thing. You couldn’t say you felt particularly sad at the thought of it ending. You pressed play on your vintage record player and let yourself sleep.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day”

You spent the next 2 days in a haze, drugged out of your mind, waking up before eclipse and leaving to your dad’s grave and sleeping in the woods until the night, barely able to make it on your own two feet. Even in your human body, Neyn recognised you, and stood by you, which gave you some peace of mind. You made sure to bring her fruits from the lab, and she cooed warmly as she settled next to you.

When you made your way back that night, Norm was waiting.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you for 3 fucking days.”

You removed your oxygen mask and made your way to the room, where he followed you. You were in so much pain you couldn’t see straight.

“I am talking to you!” he took you by your arm and spun you around. The motion made you instantly sick, and you struggled to keep down the fruits you shared with your ikran.

“Let go of me, Norm.” you had no strength in your body anymore, so it took you awhile to shake him off.

“You look like shit. What did you do?”

You managed to make it to the bathroom, where you shut the door behind you and got in the shower. Fortunately, for you or him, you couldn’t tell, Norm was gone when you came out.

The next morning, you woke up desperately searching for pain relief and didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it to the ward before your knees would collapse on themselves. You were shaking and dizzy, out of your mind with agony and walking to the bathroom felt like the most intensive workout you have ever done. You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out. It was too much for you to bear, and before you could even think or rationalise, you felt your fingers curl into a fist and make contact with the cold glass of the mirror, shattering in dozens of pieces, and it made you weirdly happy to have a visual representation of how your soul felt. The instant pain of the all the wounds the smash caused also gave you a weird sense of euphoria, and you realised it was taking away from the pain in the rest of the body, which was only able to focus on one agonising sensation at a time. This felt like a kiss by comparison, and you knew then you could go on a little longer, you could continue with the rest of the day.

Norm came bursting through the door at the loud crash.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

You came out of your bathroom, blood dripping all over the floor as you made your way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“Leave, Norm.”

“What?”

“Leave.”

“What the hell has gotten into you recently. you are rude and brash, and you hurt people’s feelings with no remorse. This isn’t you.”

“What the hell do you know about me, Norm?” you say, laughing bitterly.

“Ace, stop.”

“You don’t know anything, Norm.” you kept going, the fury and hurt getting the best of you, once again, your need to destroy everything in your path as a way to cope with your own heartbreak winning by a landslide.     

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13? I have been slowly depleting our sleeping pill and benzodiazepines inventory and replacing it with multivitamin pills I found in one of the drawers. I mean thank God none of you suffer from anxiety or panic disorder or need help sleeping cause I would have been busted so long ago.”

You laughed mockingly at his shocked face, jaw so close the floor now you could trip on it on your way out.

“Did you know I am about a week and a half away from dying after I accidentally smashed a vial of infected blood and got it in my mouth?”

You stand corrected, you think now his jaw was close enough to the floor to trip on it.

“Did you know I have upgraded from a pill addiction to a full blown opioid addiction in order to not collapse on the floor in excruciating pain because of the way this virus is eating at my insides? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. We’re almost out of a whole vial of morphine after I injected it in my veins every day for a while now.”

He had no words. “That’s about right.”

“I do know one thing you do know, though. You know that Neteyam had his mate announcement ceremony that day I took off. You were there to see the two love birds announce their love and pledge their commitment to each other the one day I was not there. And that’s why you were acting shifty. You know about that. And somehow you forgot to tell me, every day, for weeks. How does that work out, Norm, hmm?”

“I felt so bad for snapping at you a couple of days ago. I felt like a horrible fucking person for hurting your feelings. I should have been watching my back, instead.”

You got up from your bed and started walking towards the door.

“If I were you I would not linger in a room with poisoned blood dripping on the floor for too long.”

You found some paper towels at the side of your bed and wrapped them around your bleeding, pained hand, and with that, you left.

After you upped the morphine you usually took, you went to the lab and prepped a hood for some more experiments. Work was a good way to get your mind off things, to mindlessly do something that had a purpose other than driving you to the brink of insanity.

You heard a loud banging noise coming from the entrance, and you had a sneaking suspicion you knew who it was. You heard Norm open the door.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, but Neteyam, I think you should go. She’s not in a good place, and I really don’t think doing this will end well for either of you.”

“I don’t care, I have to talk to her, I have been looking for her for 3 fucking days.”

You heard the door to the lab slide open and hissed at the man you knew would be trying to come in, realising hissing in a human body doesn’t have nearly the same effect.

“Get the fuck out, Neteyam. This is a sterile room.”

“I don’t fucking care about the room, Atan. Where the fuck have you been? Please come out so we can talk.”

You threw your head back and laughed, really laughed.

“You really are delusional if you think there is any way in heaven and hell I would want to hear anything you have got to say. The time for talking was a couple months ago, Neteyam. The time for talking was the first day I got my Avatar body, where in addendum to telling me you own my ass now, you could have also sprinkled in the fact your are now mated with someone else.”

“I am not mated with anyone, for fuck’s sake. Just come out so we can talk, please. I will explain everything, please!”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, for the first time since that day. He looked exhausted, anguished. Deep purple bags under his eyes, that were burning red where the whites should be. He has been crying. Good, you thought. He looked panicked and miserable and desperate for you to give him the time of day, for you to allow him to explain the unexplainable.

You sighed and your heart constricted in pain. Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you. At the same time, you were curious, morbidly curious as to what has actually happened, what led to this moment. You knew he loved you. You knew that much, but it didn’t seem to matter in this moment, as he broke your heart for what felt like the thousandth time in your short life.

“Go to the clearing, I’ll come when I’m ready.”

You half considered just leaving him there to wait, abandoning him just he did to you. You finished splitting your cells and treating them, and in about an hour, you went into the linkpod and took your Avatar for a walk in the woods. You reached the clearing shortly, as it was close enough that even child you could do it without getting too far away from the building.

You saw him standing there, his back turned to you and his legs submerged in the river that was rushing violently downstream. It was a cold day, and rain was trickling down your body like shivers from a kiss. There was tension in the air, and you knew a storm was coming. You could practically feel the charge in the atmosphere, and were expecting thunder to start any minute now, ready to mirror the agony in your soul.

“I’m here.”

He didn’t speak for a while. Just stood looking at the river, deep in thought.

“So many of our moments throughout the years happened here. Remember when I taught you to swim in the river? Now, in retrospective, that was a bad idea since the water kept taking you away, to the point I had to wait at the end so I could catch you in my arms, like you were a baby.”

You winced at the memory.  You thought you could do this. You felt numb in that lab, numb on the way here, but as soon as your eyes focused on him, tears starting pooling in your eyes and pain overtook your body, that you tried to counteract by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. He’s caused you so much hurt, so much grief in the years he’s known you. But he was also at the forefront of most of your happiest memories. You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

That is why this hurt so much, why your body was convulsing on itself in insurmountable grief. And also why you owed him this much. Owed him this conversation, and the right to explain his point of view, that you were still unfamiliar with.

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

“Fuck, Y/N, all I did before I left is hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” You were confused at the turn this conversation took. What did he mean? You couldn’t recall a single time Neteyam hurt you before you left. Sure, you would fight and bicker sometimes, but it was a normal part of any relationship, you thought. And he always made it up to you, would always come to the lab and sit with you with flowers he collected or trinkets he found in the woods, always holding you and kissing your forehead to make sure you were over it before he had to leave. Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

“I almost fucking killed you. Or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten how I manipulated you into getting on top of an ikran when you were just a 13 year old human and almost watched you die? Have you forgotten I took you to the woods and raced you to your dad’s remains? I was a walking magnet for disasters in your life and I was tired, so fucking tired of watching your life fall apart all around me. I had to watch you learn to walk again, limp because of my actions, for years. I had to pull you out of flashbacks and nightmares you developed because of ME. You were always fine in the woods with Lo’ak or Kiri, but everything bad that has happened to you happened around me.”

He was crying, panting and angry, at himself or you or the universe, you couldn’t tell.

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

You had no words to speak as you lay there, listening to him letting you in to a secret you have spent so many months agonising over. The reason for his departure haunted you for a year and a half, even when you refused to think about him, about it, it was there, constantly emerging from the depths of your subconsciousness, taunting you in your dreams. Why? Why? Why?

Because he wanted to protect you?

You didn’t have time to process all of this new information, before he continued.

“The night you found your dad, I was shaken to my core, in a way I have never truly been before. I was so heartbroken, for you and for myself, for knowing this will haunt you for the rest of your life. I went home and mother found me, and told me that maybe I can’t help you in the way I’ve always wanted. That maybe it’s better for you that I remove myself for a while and leave you room to breathe and heal. So I did. It took me a long time to get the strength to do it. Every time I thought today is the day, I would see you and you would smile at me, and we would sit on your bed and you would read to me or play me songs or just be there, just you and me, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You were everything to me, my light in all the darkness.

A year later, you sang me the song and you were smiling at me singing it, and I knew you were confessing feelings we have both felt for years and couldn’t say out loud. And I knew that if I stayed, whatever we had would escalate past the point of no return. If I stayed, that would be it. And that’s when I decided. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I knew it would hurt you, just as much as it hurt me, but I thought the pain would subside in time.”

You were crying now, you realised, tears falling silently and effortlessly down your face, with no intention to ever stop, instantly washed away by the pouring rain. There were no sounds, no sobs or wails, or panted breaths, just the sounds of rain and hopeless, soft cries and muffled sniffles, for the man in front of you, for all that you have lost, for the past you shared and the future that you would never have.

He got up from where he stood and turned around to face you. He walked towards you until he was so close to you could feel his breath on your face. His stare made goosebumps appear on your entire body, so earnest and desperate, so full of intensity for the words he was trying to convey to you.

“It didn’t.” He said, at the same time you thought the same words in your mind.

“A few years ago, mother and father told me I would one day have to find a mate. They knew and I knew it was expected of me, but I always put it off, so they eventually dropped it. I learnt later they both knew about us, so they didn’t push me into anything until they felt I was ready. A few months after they realised I decided to leave, they started bringing it up again. I didn’t want to hear it, but they said it was time, as I had refused for years longer than what was acceptable in the clan. I met with so many girls, all from good families, all healers in training, all wrong. Beautiful girls, smart girls, skilled healers and singers, and it was like looking at the grey walls of your lab. I felt nothing, I felt sick just thinking about it, like just the thought would be betraying the memory of our bond. Eventually, I told them they can decide. Grandma can decide whatever she thinks is best, and, as Tsahik, I would listen to her voice and wisdom, and do my duty to the clan. She chose Tiongli. I knew her growing up, and we were friendly, so I tried to make an effort. I would go to her tent, and she would show me her training sometimes, I would let her heal my wounds and imagined it was your hands touching me instead. I visited her family and paid my respects, and had dinner with them whenever they invited me. I hoped in time, I could learn to care for her, to lessen the distaste in my mouth whenever my family or the clan talked about the future, about the ceremony, about the life I was supposed to lead that I hated even the thought of.

And then, one day, my dad sent me to get Lo’ak from the lab. I was so scared of knowing I would have to see you again. It had been so long, and so many feelings gnawed at me on the walk there, terror and anxiety, guilt and longing. But then I saw you, and there was only one feeling: love. Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

He slowly took your face in his hands, and his thumb was caressing your cheek trying to wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling mercilessly. You saw his face slowly getting closer to yours, and you knew you should pull away, you should remove yourself from his grasp before the kiss was going to remove the last ounce of happiness from you. You knew what you had to do, knew that no matter what information or answers or justifications he would give you today, they wouldn’t matter. You should pull away, because there is no future, no hope. But you couldn’t. You didn’t know what waited for you in the afterlife, but if there was any chance you would have your memories, you wanted this kiss to haunt you forever, to remind you of the life you left behind.

His lips touched yours so gently, it felt like a whisper. Like a hug, tender and warm, it was so different than your first kiss. Tears were still running down your face as your lips moved, entangled with his and begging for more. Your hands went to his chest, to his neck, to his back, just touching him, trying to memorise his body, this feeling. You wanted so much more, you wanted to be his, you wanted to feel him, you wanted him to own you, like he did your heart, which has been his your entire life and will still be his after your death.

You were a mess of wet tangled limbs and panted breaths by the end, and eventually, he broke the kiss to look at you through teary eyes.

“I love you, I will always love you. I am so sorry.”

“I love you, too.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, Neteyam.”

“Thank you, for finally telling me why you left. For giving me some closure for something that has plagued me for so long, it became a constant part of my nightmares. Thank you for having my best interest at heart; it couldn’t have been easy to leave, if you didn’t want to, it took a strong heart to do something that hurt you for what you thought was the lesser evil. But it doesn’t change anything.”

“You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes. The ikran ride is still a beautiful memory to me. You made it a beautiful memory. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, we probably would have both died at the hands of Toruk. You saved my life, Neteyam. You carried me home and stayed with me while I was having surgery, you stayed with me after, while I recovered. You pulled me out of the worst panic attack I have ever had when I found my dad, and you rode out so many of my flashbacks, I have lost count. You weren’t the cause or the common denominator of these events, I was. I am the one plagued by misfortune and hurt and death. Not you. And if you tell me you had to leave to save your own peace of mind, I would respect that. I don’t know anyone in this world who can take this, take me and all the shit that follows me everywhere I go. I don’t blame you.

But if you tell me that you did this for me, that I can’t accept. I didn’t ask for any of this. You gave me no choice, and no say in this relationship, in our shared life. You just left. I deserved better than that. And I deserved better than to find out about a mate after months of lies and manipulation and deceit. I don’t care. I don’t care if you are going to say that you didn’t want it, or you were going to undo it, or that you’ve always loved me and never her. I don’t care. You lied to me, you manipulated me. You accused me of fucking your brother as you were promised to another woman that you hid from me for months. I do blame you for that, and I will never be able to forgive you.”

“Please, Atan…I will tell her no. I will tell her -.” he was sobbing now, his hands still on your face, pleading.

“No.” you slowly took his hands in yours and removed them from your face.

“I think you should do it, Neteyam. She is a good girl, she will make a good Tsahik, and a good mate. Your mother was right, there is no future here - there never was. I love you, so much. But I think you have broken my heart one too many times. I am done.”

You turned your back and walked away from him and the life that was lost - forever.

You were completely soaked when you arrived in the lab, and you went straight to the Avatar laying room and cried. Cried until it felt like no more tears could possibly come out of you. You cried yourself to sleep and then cried in the pod, on the way to your bedroom, and in bed until your human body eventually collapsed from exhaustion. You cried in your dreams, in which Neteyam was kissing you and touching you, doing all the things you were silently begging him to in your mind just a few hours ago.

Eventually, nightfall came, and you had to get up to do the rest of your experiments and top up your analgesic. Ironically enough, you were making real progress on your work. You found a combination therapy that was showing incredible potential in slowing the virus down. It wasn’t enough to stop and eradicate it, but it was enough to give people more time and hopefully give the scientists more time to find a cure. It wouldn’t help you, but maybe you could still help others.

At some paint through the night, as you were making up some reagents, Norm bursts through the door holding a bunch of equipment and some pills, you realise. He puts them down on the bench behind you and speaks.

“Right, stop whatever you are doing, right now.”

“I am in the middle of something.”

“I don’t fucking care. Stop, now.”

You were taken aback at his words and attitude. Norm never got mad, or lost his composure. He was so most well balanced person you knew.

You put the pipette gun down and turned around to face him.

“I still need to adjust the pH on this.”

He ignored you while he prepared the myriad of little gadgets he brought with him. He motioned for you to take off your lab coat, and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but did as you were told regardless. You were too tired to argue anymore.

He raised the sleeves of your top until they couldn’t go any further up your arm and put a blood pressure monitor on you. You felt tension as its sleeve tightened around you painfully, but eventually it gave out with a puff, and you heard beeping as the machine finished its reading. You looked to your right where the monitor lay, and saw red lights flashing, letting Norm know your blood pressure and pulse were dangerously low. His eyes widened slightly at the sight, but he held his composure, removing the gadget from around your arm and putting it away. He then read your oxygen levels, which you saw were constantly dabbling between 89 and 90%. Not good, you thought. No wonder you could barely breathe anymore. Norm cursed silently under his breath, trying to not let you see him, but if there was one thing you were good at, it’s reading people. Well, you thought you were, at least.

“Did you do any tests on your blood? How is your complete blood count looking?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Ace? It’s not like you don’t know how to do it.”

He was angry, really angry. You’ve never seen Norm this angry, you’ve never seen Norm acting this way towards you.

You just shrugged. With a huff of annoyance, he took your arm and prepared a needle and syringe to collect some blood. He gulped and you could see tears forming in his eyes when he looked at the violet bruises and needle holes that were plastered along the length of your brachial vein.

“Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You didn’t - Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What medicine have you been taking? Did you take the Relenta, or the combination therapy we have been working on?”

“Neither.”

You swear you saw Norm’s entire body enter a catatonic state and he turned so red you were worried he was going to release steam out of his ears.

“You have been sick for a month and did not take anything, none of the treatments we have been working on?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, finding comfort in the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“I can’t believe you. I didn’t peg you for someone who would just throw their life away meaninglessly. Your mum had to die because we didn’t have a way to treat her illness, and here we are, with a solution that YOU came up with for your own illness, and you will just not even try?”

You were quiet, not really having a way to rebut his questions.

“Fine. We will start you on the combination treatment tonight and take it from there. There’s other things we haven’t tried yet and I’m sure -“

“NO.”

“I’m not asking you. I’m not letting you fucking die.”

“Why must you always fucking try to fix everything, Norm? Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t want the fucking pills. I am done. I want this to be done.”

“So you’ll just die? Is that what you’re saying? You want to die, and not even fucking TRY to see if there is more to this life. Goddamn it, Y/N. I thought having the Avatar would help you realise life is worth living, there’s beauty in this world beyond the walls of this lab. You got your first kill, you did the Iknimaya, you’re going to become one of the people. Don’t you want to see what your future holds? Don’t you want to live to see yourself grow up? Fall in love, start a family. There are more guys in this world than just Neteyam.”

You gave Norm a dirty look and got out of the lab.

Neteyam felt his whole body reel after your conversation. It didn’t change anything, he thought bitterly. He thought explaining it to you, allowing to see that he had good reasons for his actions would allow you to forgive him, to at least allow him the opportunity to make it up to you through time. You left, just like he had so long ago, but there was a finality to you that he didn’t feel then. Back then, he always had hope that a miracle would still be possible, one in which you got an Avatar, healed and loved him, forever. He wanted to love you forever, but his apology and explanations were not enough.

He lost you, again.

He spent the night flying on his Ikran, just flying and letting the rain soak his thoughts and hurt away. He just wanted to disappear. He wanted the rain to melt his bones until there was nothing left of him but the memory of happier times.

In the early hours of the morning, he made it back to the village, trying to hide his cried out eyes and calamitous grief. He was dreading having to talk to his parents, to explain to them what happened, to have to go through with Tiongli and this future he didn’t want and will have to suffer through for the rest of his life. He didn’t have time to worry about it too much though, because, as he managed to get to the tent’s entrance, he heard Norm’s voice and his dad’s, intertwined with his grandma’s voice rising above them.

“It won’t work. Eywa will not allow her to come back.”

“Why not? She has taken her Iknimaya, she has completed her kills, she has spent her entire life in the village’s service, trying to help the best way she knew how. If she doesn’t deserve this, who does?”

“It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s that she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want this, Norm. The Great Mother will not transfer the conscience of someone with no future.”

“But maybe if this happened, she will realise that she wants to live. Once she’s rid herself of her weak body, of this disease, maybe she will -“

“The Great Mother’s word is final. She will die, because she wants to die.”

Mo’at’s voice rang in his ears so hard he thought his eardrums would pop.

She doesn’t want it.

She will die.

What were they talking about? Who would die?

No… it couldn’t be. No, the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel.

He didn’t wait to hear the rest of the conversation, running as fast as his feet could carry him back to the lab. He reached soon enough, he was faster than most other people in the village, and started knocking on the door of the lab with all his might.

“Y/N, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!”

Eventually, Max came to the door, through which Neteyam burst without consideration for the tiny human next to him.

“She’s not in, Neteyam. She left before any of us had a chance to say anything.”

“Was she in her Avatar body?”

“No, the body is in the den where they sleep.”

He didn’t bother thanking the man, as he turned on his heel and started running again. She was there, had to be.

It was still raining, the clouds relentless as they released drops that poured gently down his face and body, and Neteyam thought the Great mother was crying, mourning the love being washed away like a pebble in the river of the clearing, just like he was.

You were there, of course you were. A current shocked Neteyam at the sight of you. This was the first time he has seen your human body in months, and he found it hard to reconcile the image of you he has known all his life with this current one. You were incredibly thin, so thin, whereas a few months ago he could trace your muscles, he could now trace your bones. You were pale, almost ashen, and the hair that he once spent so long admiring was now brittle and dull, obvious even as it was, wet and clinging to your back. You looked lifeless. He felt a lump form in his throat and tears pool in his eyes that were still not dry from all the pain this day has brought.

You didn’t notice him yet, your human ears much less sensitive than your Avatar, so you were just sitting on the riverbank with your chin resting on your knees, which were brought to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. You were looking at the water, and it was like you weren’t actually there. You were in your own world, far from here, from this hurt.

“I was going to ask if it was true, what I heard Norm talk about in the tent today, but I think you’ve answered my question.”

Neteyam saw you flinch, and it felt like even that brought your weak frame pain. You were trembling when you looked at him, and your face made his own drop in shock. Your beautiful features, the blush in your cheeks, the glimmer in your eye, the pink of your lips, your animated expressions or raised eyebrows, were all gone. Your eyes looked glossed over and numb, your face looked ghostly and sunken, and Neteyam swore he could trace every blood vessel on your forehead and neck. The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer, Neteyam.”

“tell me it isn’t true. Tell me he’s lying; he’s making it up.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” Neteyam was angry now, trying to contain the temper rising in his chest.

“Tell me you’re not dying.”

“Norm has a big fucking mouth.”

“Can you for once in your fucking life just answer a question? This is fucking serious!”

You winced at his words, then struggled to get up, but did eventually and fully face him. The state of you hit him like bullets, piercing and scraping at his every organ, leaving bleeding wounds behind.

“It’s true”.

Crack, crack, crack. 

“When?”

“The night you gave me the guitar. I was so busy being in love with you I forgot to put the proper protection on, and I smashed a bottle of infected blood. It got in my mouth, in my nose.”

“I thought you were working on a cure.”

“Haven’t found it yet.”

“But you said you have something that kind of works, something to give people more time.”

“I’m human, it doesn’t work that way for us.”

“So, you’ve tried.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, just staring at the ground in front of you, somewhere next to Neteyam’s feet.

“Tell me you have fucking tried.”

It thundered aggressively as Neteyam said that, and he saw you once again tremble at the loud sound. You have never been a jumpy person. You were the bravest person he knew. You were the strongest person he knew. It was unspeakable having to watch you now, sitting meekly in front of him, when just a few days ago you took the Iknimaya, taking the climb to the toughest tests known to the Omatikaya, doing it like it was nothing, just another day for you. To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

“TELL ME YOU HAVE TRIED.”

“NO, OKAY?? NO, I HAVEN’T FUCKING TRIED.” You were sobbing now, your tears washed away by the rain and wind as soon as they fell down your cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I am tired. I want this to end.”

“I thought you were happy. I thought you were better. You seemed better in the Avatar.”

“I was better… in the Avatar. Because that wasn’t my life. That was just a beautiful dream, while my life was the never-ending nightmare. It was easy to pretend in that body. It was easy to be the version of myself everybody wanted me to be. But I have to live with the real me every night. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” The more you cried, the more Neteyam’s blood boiled in his veins.

“That’s such fucking bullshit.”

“You know what I think?”

“I think dying is fucking easy. It’s your easy way out.”

You looked up at his much larger frame incredulously, and he saw how your mood was starting to mirror his own.

“What did you just say? You think this is fucking easy for me?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think all you’ve done since your mum has died is take the easy way out. Put everything and everyone in your little bottom desk drawer, keeping everyone at a distance. Do you know how much mother and father suffered every time you refused to come out, to come to the village? My mother cried herself to sleep at the thought of you alone in that lab, at the thought that you preferred that soulless, empty place to her, to us. Did you know that?

You have not once opened that drawer, not once dealt with anything. All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out.

You have made me feel like the worst person in the world, for leaving, for lying to you. But what the fuck have you done, huh? You lied to me about dying, for weeks! About dying! What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!

I left you for a year because I wanted to protect you, you are leaving permanently because you refuse to fucking deal with the pain and hurt I know you feel deep down inside. You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.

You are a coward.”

Neteyam turned on his heel and walked away, before he got a chance to see you collapse on the ground, giving your last few breaths in the place he used to imagine both of your children laying in his arms peacefully while you sang them to sleep.

Tag list (I hope I didn't miss anyone, thank you so much for asking to be tagged <3): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties

[queencvbra]

this was her “oh shit 🥺❤️” moment

[theghostwrites]

Hot take but people need to stop saying that the hunger games trilogy is THE book series that talks about fighting against oppression when it’s not???? Unpopular opinion but it’s message about fighting against your oppressors is actually terrible. The Hunger Games trilogy’s message about freedom was that you NEED to be peaceful or else you are just as terrible as your oppressive government which is a message that has been used to EXCUSE oppressive systems. The oppressed do NOT need to be gentle when it comes to fighting for their freedom. The districts had every right to use militancy to get rid of the Capitol. Using militancy or being peaceful when you fight against your oppressors are both valid and one is not better than the other. But The Hunger Games doesn’t get that. What it does instead is frame brown people (Gale) as violent for wanting freedom and say that white characters represent peace (Peeta). The author literally writes in the book that Gale represents fire and anger and that Peeta is better because he is peaceful. That’s racism 101. She made Gale into this violent monster in the end even though he cared so much for people. The Hunger Games actually excuses oppression through its writing of Gale and the other rebels while claiming that the books are about fighting for your freedom but you guys just keep on putting Suzanne Collins on a pedestal and eating up her (shitty) opinions about freedom. THG trilogy is outdated and you guys need to accept that instead of being stuck in 2012 and constantly praising it and its (shitty) white author who clearly came from a privileged background.

I love how you became more unhinged as this went on. Same. These types of random asks are the only reason I know I didn't get a completely different book than the rest of the world. I think so much about these points, you have no idea It should have been clear for everyone that a White woman from North America should not get the final literary word on revolutions/oppression when she is among the privileged herself. Sadly that's not the case. And the reason why we can't have nuanced discussions around these books anymore, I think, it's bc they've become this idyllic example of "see?? YA is GOOD!!" to detract from haters, so it makes people defensive, and nostalgia of course. Like the stupid ass fresh-as-parchment "There's no love triangle in THG! mainstream media is like the capitol" take I have to come across every other week (the trope is there 🙄, just bc it's not the central theme, doesn't magically remove it). These points you bring up I'll never get tired of shouting to the rooftops, bc we (readers) can point fingers at SJM for the lack of LGBT+ characters in her work, or at Ken Foll*t/ GRRM/ 99.9% of male authors and acknowledge that their ingrained sexism seeps into their work, but never Suzanne. Suzanne, who meant to write a story about how war damages people on both sides and only creates death... by using a revolution as a setting and completely ripping away humanity from all her revolutionaries. And I'm not talking about Finnick or Katniss herself who have personal reasons to reluctantly participate, I'm talking about those who thought about COMMUNITY and were fervent in their support. Not a concept I expect a white lib to grasp. What finally confirmed my suspicion that she truly has no fucking clue about it was her writing that cashgrab prequel about freaking Snow, which could have been a wonderful opportunity to explore the insidious nature of privilege/ nationalism/ all of the other isms 🥴, and how they evolve through time. But that would be like asking for a vegan salad from the butcher.

Unfortunate circumstances all around. I still appreciate some things about THG so I don't start shit with fans, but you won't catch me praising them either.

[goyurim]

i know everyone hates yeong guk and i agree that it would make a better story to have had hwa jeong never love him and marry him out of convenience because she always dreamed of having a life with cho hui instead but then we wouldnt have gotten that apology scene. and my god i didnt realise how badly i needed that apology scene

maybe it's because people generally get married out of convenience in my culture anyway so i'm used to it. or maybe because i watched that episode right after i came back from a family friend's house, where the wife (sweetest woman ever) spent all day preparing her house and food for us (some of the tastiest food i've ever had, i should add) yet was constantly berated by her husband throughout dinner. and when i thanked her for her hospitality and told her husband he should be grateful to be married to her, he retorted with the fact that cooking was her job anyway, and she should be more grateful to be married to him since he earns all the money to buy her everything in the first place. maybe it was because i was told i was overreacting to be upset with the husband. that he was actually a very nice man, comparatively. that he was right and should i be unfortunate enough to be married to someone like him i should be grateful.

idk what it was exactly but to see a woman be so desperately in love with a man, whose one act of kindness to her mother she deemed enough kindness for both of them, how she married him without expecting anything in return, how she blamed herself for getting greedy after marriage and expecting him to love her back, how she regretted not telling him how much he meant to her, how she bottled up her emotions because she was so scared of being vulnerable around someone she knew could never love her the way she loved him, to see that woman being told by that man that her feelings were valid, that her kindness broke through to him, and she wasn't wrong for wanting to be loved without having to verbally explain herself made me cry until my throat hurt.

i know it took yeong guk a divorce and 15 years to come to that realisation but the fact that he did it himself, the fact that he mustered up the courage to self reflect and apologise and make an active effort to change and do better this time around makes him better than 90% of the men i know irl tbh. because i have seen countless marriages fail, by which i mean not end in divorce bc at least there is some form of freedom in that but couples ending up in a rut, staying married for the sake of their children, without ever being in love because husbands don't recognise the emotional support their wives need.

it's one of my biggest fears of getting married. that i'll love him more than he'll love me. and that somehow i'm supposed to be content with that. it brings me back to idea that love is a choice, not an emotion, but even so, do we have the right to demand that choice from the one we love? to expect that they should reciprocate that choice, something that was so easy for us to make yet impossible for them to acknowledge? shouldn't loving them be enough?

[mizunetzu]

Hi! I love your writing and I wanted to know if you could do one where the reader is trans masc and their dad is aizawa And no of 1a knows (except aizawa) until someone who went to school with them starts bullying them, and publicly outs them. And so aizawa makes a really big deal, and accidentally mentions that the reader is his kid, But everyone in 1a supports them and are more shocked when they find out their dad is aizawa. Thank you!!!! I know it's weird I just want validation tbh (´-﹏-`；)

Hi hi hi !! I wasn’t sure if this ask requested male pronouns (bc of the use of the word ‘trans masc’) or GN pronouns (bc of the use of the word ‘they’ across the request) feel free to educate me on that!! But for now, I used Male Pronouns!

——————

Platonic! Aizawas trans male kid gets outed

⚠️warnings - mentions of outing, deadnaming, me antagonizing shindo bc haha I needed a bad guy-

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

Loading off the bus, (Y/n) stretched his arms and let out a huff. He rubbed at his eyes, and activated his quirk slightly to see if it still worked. It wasn’t like it was going to go away, but it became habit to see if he could still do it after a long time or not. A useless habit, you could say.

Though, it was important he still had his quirk, since today was the day he was going to take the Provincial Licensing Exam. Along with his classmates.

(Y/n) strolled around the area, being sure not to stray too far away from his own class and bus. There seemed to be many schools here. Most of them, upperclassmen. (Y/n) swallowed the lump in his throat and stalked up to Kirishima to calm his nerves.

Kirishima spotted him, giving him a curt slap on the back. (Y/n) coughed, adjusting his hero costumes chest area.

“Yo! Aren’t you excited for this thing? Whaddya think we’re gonna do?”

(Y/n) let out a timid laugh, his voice noticeably deep, but almost borderline androgynous. Like he was trying to force it to go lower than it naturally was. An ear perked up from somewhere behind (Y/n). “Yeah, I’m getting kinda pumped u-“

“Well-I certainly wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

That sickeningly sweet voice made (Y/n) scrunch up his nose. He didn’t turn around. Nevertheless, the voice kept going. “Eh, well, that’s a lie. Your face was practically plastered everywhere on tv.”

“Tell me-how’s it feel to go to the famous UA, Sayaka-chan?”

(Y/n) kept his eyes fixated on the ground, still facing Kirishima as he looked between the two, confused.

“Uh-I think you got the wrong guy, dude. This dudes well...a dude.”

“Mm?” The boy was taken aback, before smirking and leaning next to (Y/n’s) ear. He said, rather loudly, “You didn’t tell them, Sayaka?”

“Shut up, Shindo.” (Y/n) voice was quiet. It wasn’t as deep as it was ‘normally’, but it sounded very much less strained. Kirishima seemed to catch on, though he said nothing, out of respect. Though, Shindo did the exact opposite.

“Don’t be so rude, Yaka-chan! I’m just saying hi to my old friend!” Shindo turned to Kirishima, as the UA students started noticing their little show. That-and a scruffy man, who was now completely ignoring what Ms Joke was saying to turn his ears on hyperfocus. “Don’t mind her. I guess she’s on her period today or something.”

“Ne-what’s happing here? Do you know (Y/n)-kun or something?” Mina said. (Y/n) cringed at hearing his name. He knew Shindo was going to say it. Don’t say it. Don’t-

“(Y/n)? That’s the name Sayaka-chan goes by these days?”

His seemingly friendly smile made (Y/n) want to puke. Mina titled her head. “Sayaka? You probably have the wrong person. This is (Y/n).”

Shindo turned to (Y/n), his dirty, smug glare being hidden behind a innocent, confused smile. “You really didn’t tell them, Sayaka?”

Shindo took a deep breath in. (Y/n) pursed his lips. “Don’t fucking-“

“Sayaka here,” Shindo slung an arm around the boy. “She’s a crossdresser. She’s ‘trans’. Isn’t that great?”

(Y/n) noticeably stiffened, biting his lip harshly and keeping his eyes pointed harshly at the ground like it was the only way to keep tears from flowing. He clenched his knuckles in embarrassment.

Before (Y/n), Mina, or Kirishima could say something, a hunched over, dark figure placed a hand on Shindo’s shoulder. His nice boy smile dropped. Aizawa, uncharacteristically, looked like he was seething.

“Shindo. Kid. Get away from my son. Before I find your teacher.”

Kirishimas eyes widened while Mina gasped. Son? Shindo bit back a snarl. He smiled irritably and put his sweet tone back on. “What? I’m just talking to Sayaka-chan-“

“His name is (Y/n). If you really want to be a hero, I suggest not being a nuisance to my son or any of my students.” Aizawa grumbled.

Shindo scoffed. “I’m sorry I offended you, mr...scruffy man. I’m not sure which son you’re talking about, though. Don’t you have a daughter-?”

Aizawa reached for his capture weapon, eyes glaring a Ruby red. Shindou was about to lurch forward when Ms Joke stepped in between the two. She huffed, turning to Shindo first.

“Shindo-kun, should you be changing into your hero costume about now? Go do that! The class already went ahead without you!”

Shindo gasped, his persona back on like a mask. “Oh! That’s right! I’m sorry Miss! See you guys! Do your best!”

Shindo turned to (Y/n), in a low whisper. “See you, Sayaka.” And timpered off. Ms Joke turned to Aizawa.

“And you!” She put her arms on her hips. “Just because your kid’s being teased a bit doesn’t mean you have to reach for your weapon!”

Aizawa seemingly let go of his scarf he’d been clutching for a while now. His hair flopped down and framed his face once more. “He wasn’t teasing. He’s been bullying my son since his 2nd year of middle school.”

(Y/n) was awkwardly standing behind Aizawa. Since they had no intention of bringing him in personally to the conversation, he shoved his hands into his pockets. It was then he noticed the majority of 1A staring at him.

He paled. Flashbacks of Shindo publicly outing him whipped by his mind, along with the way he hid his disgusted glare when he came out as trans initially in his 2nd year of middle school. It was his third year and (y/n’s) second year, Shindo being one of (y/n’s) closest friends until he became a ‘crossdresser’.

Were his new UA classmates going to to treat him the same? Would all the girls and boys be hesitant to undress themselves with him nearby, because he’s a “lesbian/girl perving on the guys”? Was he going to have to mend all of these relationships from the start again? A bottomless pit dug into his stomach. He didn’t want that.

Stagnant air filled the atmosphere as everyone stared at (y/n). Already thinking of excuses, explanations, anything, he opened his mouth to speak.

“I-“

“You’re Aizawa’s son?!” Kaminari yelled, pointing a finger at (y/n). (Y/n) blinked, letting out a confused “eh?”

Mina popped in, flailing her arms in the air like Iida, but less stiff. “Dude! That’s so cool! You think you can tell him to round my 48 into a 90 from last weeks quiz?!”

Slowly but surely, his classmates started crowding around him, all talking at once. There were “Ohh-I can see the resemblance now!”s and “dude how are you still alive?!”s. Everyone seemed to forget what Shindo was talking about.

(Y/n) stood silent. “You guys...aren’t going to mention it?”

Most everyone stopped talking. Sero stepped forward. “Does it really matter? Your still our classmate, man. Plus, Aizawas your fuckin’ dad.”

Murmurs of agreement mused out from the surrounding crowd of UA students. (Y/n) smiled, attempting to answer every question about him or Aizawa as possible.

Ms Joke whistled from far away. Aizawa sleepily lolled his head towards her away from watching his son carefully, seeing if any students acted rudely in anyway.

“So your class didn’t know he was...y’know.”

“Mm.” Aizawa hummed. “Though, they seem to be more interested in him being my son than him not being ‘born a son’. M’glad that they’re bothering him instead of me. But knowing them, they’ll probably ask me some things after the exam.”

“I’m not meaning this in any mean way, but,” Ms Joke was oddly serious. “How are you so fine with this...change? It’s not like I’m saying it’s wrong, no, but you accepted it rather quickly and his transition happened pretty much overnight.”

“Does it really matter if he’s a boy or a girl or not? He’s still a pain in the ass. You don’t need a specific gender to be a problem child. As long as he’s keeping up with hero training and classes, I don’t really care.”

Aizawas eyes betrayed his words. They were dry, as usual, but they observed his students every move, every word they throw at his kid like he was stalking his prey. Like he was subtly saying “Say one misgendering thing, and I’ll expel you.”

In the end, Aizawa was a big softie. His child was happy, and that was fine by him. And, he’s less to deal with when he’s happy. His words, not mine. Ms Joke sighed, knowing her answer, and faced forward.

“Go out with me!”

“Go to hell.”

——————

I’m sorry for assigning a ‘dead name’ in this fic; and I’m sorry if this fic was actually a they/them one!! Sincerest apologies :(

[laryna6]

Hmm, Cha Hae-In... if she ran into Sung Jin-Woo at the sword school somehow and is ? that he smells good?

Sugar Mama Cha Hae-In + the Hunters’ Guild going ‘these two are adorable we are going to make this ship sail’

Also he’s adorable and her sword teacher tells her that he keeps getting injured but keeps going on hunts, people think he’s an idiot rich boy in it for the thrill but he doesn’t buy that, no defense and yet he gets wounded protecting their healer too.

Cha Hae-In using her vice guildmaster position to offer him a position on the resource gathering teams, and watching as he goes from shut down and dead inside to smiling and friendly and starting to actually talk to people. They’re like sure, he’s not the fastest/strongest worker, but he’s hard working and does his best and pays attention to instructions.

Meanwhile Sung Jin-Woo is ‘this job comes with medical insurance!’ and Jin-Ah is ‘I don’t have to worry about my brother dying anymore! The Hunter’s Guild would absolutely have like, whole guild social functions where you bring your family and Jin-Ah wanting to talk to Cha Hae-In and explaining the situation and being ‘thank you so much for saving the life of my last family.’

So Cha Hae-In is *manly tears* Such a wonderful big brother! So filial! So cute!

Sung Jin-Woo starts bringing her lunch to thank her and she’s ‘you don’t have to...’ (but it’s really good) ‘I am rich af let me pay you’ and Sung Jin-Woo is ‘sure’ because money.

... to skip ahead, shadow!Choi Jong-In continuing to do paperwork, corresponence and checking over payroll after death leaves him Not Impressed with Ashborn wanting to ditch Jin-Woo (especially after finding out Ashborn made Jin-Woo responsible for his army)

So like, the entire Hunter’s Guild is like, ‘Cha Hae-In has a boyfriend... but we already know him and he is a Good Kid not like, someone who wants to feel dominant over a powerful woman or any of that BS and oh hey this food is really good’ So Choi Jong-In goes ‘we’re going to have a cafeteria now and provide lunches for all the gate teams’ and puts Sung Jin-Woo in charge of it and people are like ‘this is why we call u a genius’

People are like ‘when are you going to ask him out’ and Cha Hae-In is ‘as vice guildmaster I’m his boss! I can’t hit on him!’ so Choi Jong-In is like ‘congratulations you own a restaurant in our guild building now with a lucrative contract with our guild’

Now it’s ‘i can’t hit on him at work! And he feels like he really owes me, I don’t want to make him feel like I was... expecting things’

They are like ah! She is such a good person for an s-rank! Ok, then they need Sung Jin-Woo to make a move! Plan 1: he seems to like watching her train even though he can’t follow a lot of her movements, so we’ll invite him along to watch a fight.

Next up is a double dungeon, but it appeared in a low rank dungeon and the measurements are still weak AF. So like, it’s a mission that the Hunter’s Guild can go on like, just to be sure! But almost certainly safe for an e-rank.

And then you have Choi Jong-In and Sung Jin-Woo scrambling to figure out the rules. Cha Hae-In carrying Sung Jin-Woo over her shoulder, someone else taking Choi Jong-In after he passes out burning up all his MP in the hopes of taking out the statue’s eye beams. 

So they’re around the altar with their unconscious boss and the e-rank up on it in the center to be safest, and they’re staring down the statues and debating ‘do we send Cha Hae-In out the door to carry the guildmaster and Sung Jin-Woo to safety, or does that door scream obvious trap because the rule is ‘prove your faith’ and wouldn’t leaving the temple be abandoning your faith?

And Cha Hae-In and Sung Jin-Woo are ‘that would leave you guys without any s-ranks against a very high a boss if not worse.’ and it’s the hunter guild’s duty to close gates first. This gate was counting down when it was reported as a double dungeon, they cannot let this boss gate breach.

The flames count down and, hmm, should the architect react like a thwarted bully or improv some new bullshit to act like everything is within his calculations? So he goes ‘to prove your faith you must now offer a sacrifice’ but instead of obviously giving up the weakling to keep the others alive they’re like yeah, fuck no (’if the porter/guest gets hurt the whole guild has failed’)

So he grabs Jin-Woo and unleashes the statues on the humans with orders to make it hurt but not finish them off, and tells him ‘get on that altar and you’ll be able to leave here with them.’

And Jin-Woo knew he was willing to die for Jin-Ah and Mom, but they’re safe now and he owes that to Cha Hae-In and everyone at the Hunter Guild’s kindness. so he’s ‘ok’ and they are ‘nonono’

He wakes up at the hospital, told he’s the only survivor and he’s been asleep for a month, which... he knew the boss was a lying bastard, monsters don’t spare humans, but he couldn’t just not even TRY/do anything.

...WTF is this? He thought seeing that screen before was some kind of pre-death brain screwery. Jin-Ah and the Hunter’s Guild b-team start coming in and he’s ?? are you guys seeing this? THey are ‘what did that thing do to poor helpless e-rank good boy?!’

Choi Jong-In measures him as an A rank, but instead of being happy Sung Jin-Woo is going through status screens on job class an abilities and...

And then he pales.

And summons the dead.

The boss said ‘he’d go home with them.’ Effing literal words... They can’t speak, but they touch his shoulder to say it’s okay.

...He...

Sung Jin-Woo ends up rejoining the Hunter’s Guild after leveling to S because without any S ranks it would have lost a lot of prestige and ability to take more valuable gates and pay for all the salary, benefits and expensive protective armor.

Doing the JeJu op and since he’s OP, replacing the Draw Sword guild as emergency call-in guild for southeast asia due to like ‘why would we charge you fees A rank gates are where the money’s at if anything we should be paying you for finding them for us’

But if Min Byong-Gyu does die and get turned into a shadow but talks to Baek Yoon-Ho re ‘hey I’m being forced to adore that guy his power is really creepy get me out of here’ and Baek is concerned about Choi Jong-In too...

Sung Jin-Woo’s reaction to the idea his friends are being FORCED to care about him/not be mad he was a useless e-rank and couldn’t save them...

Ashborn seeing Sung Jin-Woo with comrades that ~died with him, like he resurrected his fallen soldiers after did... even more ‘like me’ so earlier decision to not possess.

Ms. Selner going ‘there is great darkness in you’ and he’s ‘can you tell me anything else?’

Hunter’s Guild Shadow Squad wanting to powerlevel for Cartenon temple rematch and then they get sealed instead of getting to attack that bastard? FFFFFFFFFF

instead of ‘get necromancer class’ it’s ‘unlock a prestige class’ so he does get Igris.

He wants to get stronger so he can stop this from happening again, and making sure gates got cleared and people were safe is what they wanted... right?

More examination of using his power on humans/to preserve human souls since like, he can’t get valid consent NOW.

...Chairman Yoo going ‘those lizards killed my son, stole his equips, and made me pay them for being ‘kind’ enough to carry his body out, but I can’t do sh*t because the older brother’s an s-rank,’ and bowing his head.

So Sung Jin-Woo shadowing Jin-Ho, who gets adopted into squad happily. That way he can ask him to confirm ‘those guys did murder you, yes?’

Hunter’s Guild is guild conference rep for Korea OFC, people from guild helping Jin-Woo study up on who everyone is and the contacts they’ve got/are working on. Hwang Dong-Su kidnaps someone else.

During Ashborn meeting Choi Jong-In showing up to SHAME Ashborn for planning to sleep forever (suicide ideation) bc as a leader he should be more responsible than to ditch someone else to take care of the org he’s responsible for. If Choi Jong-In is doing paperwork from behind the grave, this guy isn’t going to get to lie around when humanity desperately needs more combatants at this level/Jin-Woo shouldn’t have to die alone.

[aangarchy]

Reasons people have listed for hating Aangs character and me debunking them

1. He ran away from his responsibility as the Avatar and got encaved in ice resulting in the airnomad genocide. A bullshit reason. Aang was a 12yr old monk who only just mastered airbending, found out he was the Avatar sooner than he was supposed to (they’re not supposed to know until they’re 16) and then found out they were planning on seperating him from his mentor. He was an upset child that ran off and because of stupid coincidence he got into a storm, resulting into his Avatar spirit kicking in and protecting him. It’s not his fault that it lasted for 100 years and it’s not his fault that a dictator decided to eradicate an entire race.

2. He crumpled up the note for Bato containing the map to Hakoda’s camp. Katara and Sokka promised to Aang that they would stick by him. They were his new family. They said so themselves. By telling Aang this they not only agreed to accompany him to the North Pole, they agreed to help him save the world. Of course they would want to see their dad, but their responsibility is to Aang first now. Aang was excluded the entire evening at Bato’s. He tried to include himself in the conversation several times and got dismissed. He has a right to be upset by that. Then he hears that the people who promised to accompany him and who promised they were his new family might leave him to go see their father. Once again, Aang has the right to be upset. Crumpling up the note and hiding it was a shitty move, but Sokka and Katara’s reaction was shittier. Instead of letting him explain they yell at him and tell him to go to the North Pole by himself and with that, save the world by himself. They went back on their promise. This situation was a miscommunication on everyone’s part. Solely blaming Aang is not only wrong, it’s bullshit.

3. He pushed his beliefs onto everyone. Show me a scene where Aang forces Katara and Sokka to eat vegetarian. Show me a scene where Aang forces everyone to meditate. Show me a scene where Aang gets upset when people eat meat in front of him. You can’t. Why? Because this statement is simply not true. The only scene you could possibly pull up is Aang begging Katara not to choose revenge. He tries to help by telling her he knows what she’s going through. He tries to help by giving a metaphor that the monks taught him, because it helped him. All of this comes from a place of love, not a place of wanting to force everyone into airnomad beliefs like Zuko suggests. Aang never tells Katara explicitly “I forbid you from going on this journey and executing your revenge.” He even acknowledges that this is a journey she has to make. He just asks, because he knows how toxic revenge is. He tries to relate to Katara by going “how do you think I felt when the sandbenders took Appa.” This is a valid point to make bc he nearly killed all of the sandbenders in a blind rage fueled by revenge. Katara stopped him then, now it’s his turn to stop Katara.

Another point I’d like to make with this one: everyone else was pushing their beliefs onto Aang when they were trying to force him to kill the firelord. They never asked kindly like Aang did, they said “you have to.” Why? Because they believe there is no other way. Aang believes otherwise because once again, revenge is a toxic notion.

4. He didn’t kill the firelord. Are you seriously wondering why a 12yr old pacifist monk in a kid’s show didn’t murder a man on screen? Really? I’ll refer to number three to tell you exactly why this is bad: it’s other people forcing their ideas and beliefs onto Aang. I’ll also refer to a few other Aang posts I’ve made where I talked about how this outcome, where Ozai isn’t dead, is better than a scenario where he is. His supporters would have used him as a martyr to demonize the Avatar. The same thing happened in the Chin village with Avatar Kyoshi. She killed their dictator leader, and 300 years after that they still hated the Avatar (not just her, all Avatars) and even charged Aang with murder. Killing Ozai would have backfired immensily. The cycle of violence wouldn’t have ended, it would have continued. With Aang showing him mercy and taking his firebending away he broke the cycle and a new era of peace could begin.

5. He’s immature. This is a short one: he’s a CHILD. He’s not supposed to be mature. Think back to how you were when you were twelve. Think back on how twelve yr old boys behaved when you were at school. Aang might have the responsibility of the world laying on his shoulders but he’s still twelve, you should at least expect him to act his age, even if he sometimes has wisdom beyond his years.

6. He lied in the great divide. Lmao pls don’t act all high and mighty here. Everyone has told a little white lie to save themselves once in a while. Yes Aang lied to those clans about that age old ceremony, but it ended up solving a 100yr old fued. Sometimes lying to make people feel better is good. I’m a very honest person but I have told lies to make people happy or to save my own skin. It happens.

7. He’s a bad father. This was started by LoK, when two of Aang’s kids, Bumi and Kya, suggested that they were neglected by him because Aang took his other son, Tenzin (the only airbender) on trips without the other two. At that point Aang and Tenzin are the only two airbenders known to exist. Aang wants to keep his culture alive, it’s why he started the Air Acolytes, therefore he must have been thrilled to finally have another airbender to share his knowledge with. I don’t think we can fully blame Aang for spending more time with Tenzin while trying to teach him about airnomad culture. It’s Aang’s job as the Avatar to keep the balance and without airnomads the balance is disrupted.

Then we have the fact that kids memories are often blown out of proportion, or not reliable bc they don’t have all the facts. For example, I remember several times in my childhood where I was left out by my older friend when she found someone her age to play with. Those are the memories I have of her. But through looking at pictures and hearing stories from my parents, I realized there had been several times where I wasn’t left out by her and that we got along great. I don’t remember those, I only remember when I was left out. There might have been plenty of trips that Bumi and Kya did attend, but they only remember the ones where they felt left out bc they didn’t come. Kya and Bumi are also older, there might have been years before Tenzin was even there where they had Aang all to themselves. But they don’t remember that. And even if Kya and Bumi were to come on these trips, they’d probably be complaining that they were boring bc Aang would only be talking about his culture and teaching them about it. Then the complaint would be “dad would drag us along on these boring trips just to teach tenzin airnomad stuff”.

Let’s all also remember that Aang is in fact the Avatar, as in, one of the most important people in the world. He must be a busy man. And while yes, your children should be your number one priority, the Avatar is an exception to this rule because his responsibility is to the world first. Not to his wife, not to his kids. Aang has struggled with this before (choosing to save Katara over mastering the Avatar state) and probably struggled with this later in life too.

This is a long way to say that you can’t judge someone’s parenting over one scene in LoK where Bumi and Kya aired their frustrations about Aang to Tenzin in a moment of stress. Later on Kya even showed them a happy family picture, and they didn’t seem to think Aang was that bad anymore. People definitely jumped the gun to claim Aang was a bad father after hearing one (1) complaint about his style of parenting.

If you guys find more weird reasons people have given to hate Aang’s character, definitely send me them!

[firelxdykatara]

You’re doing a LoK rewrite, correct? Would be really interested in hearing how you plan on fixing Suyin’s character and the Lin-Suyin conflict because……. oh boy. Man there’s a lot to unpack there. This is what happens when we don’t let Toph just raise her fucking kids for the sake of pushing a stupid as hell narrative about working women and single motherhood.

I am indeed!

In... you know, the way I'm doing most of my big potential projects, in that I have a folder with some documents that have plot notes and... some day I may actually get full, finished fics out of them (h2o AU is in there, as is my voltron!atla fusion AU, and uhhhh my book 3 atla rewrite, and a few other things), so... but I will say that the docs I have for my LoK rewrite so far amount to roughly 4.2k words of just Plot and Character Notes, which may some day turn into words of Story, hopefully.

ANYWAY, POINT IS: yes, this exists, and I have Many Many Thoughts.

Including how the Gaang kids would shake out! Cause I know I'm doing Zutara, and maybe Tokka???? Although I don't wanna just leave Suki out either... maybe a throuple??? Or Sukka having an amicable breakup before Sokka and Toph get together--maybe she already has Lin by then, and Sokka helps support her through the grief of losing Kanto???? Idk honestly, I haven't actually figured any of that out definitively yet except that Aang was perfectly happy to settle down with an Air Acolyte from one of the rebuilt temples because he grew up and out of his crush on Katara pretty easily once he hit puberty and matured a bit.

UHHH none of which is actually an answer to your question, because it's a valid one! Which is why I've been sitting on this a while (10 days I'm so sorry) bc I haven't made any solid decisions but I've been letting it percolate around my head a bit. And the more I think about it, the more I really like the Sukka -> Tokka idea (and I don't want to kill off Suki since the kids all deserve their awesome Kyoshi warrior auntie in their lives, and also I want a Sukka kid to be besties with Iara [zuko and katara's youngest] so maybe she gets with someone else after she and Sokka split? I could be talked into Ty Lee/Suki actually, the more I think about it....), but obviously having a stable father figure and a Toph who is... not what LoK made her out to be will dramatically change the Beifong family dynamic.

That said, I think I actually have a solution. (I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do.) Toph has Lin with Kanto--and he passes away when Lin is two or three, which is why she has very few memories of her father. (Although none of this 'she doesn't even know his name until she's 50+ cause Toph didn't tell her daughters about their fathers' bullshit.) Sokka is there for her through it all (all of the gaang is, of course, but you know that it sometimes just hits different when it's someone you're also starting to fall in love with, especially when there are older and much more deeply buried feelings there that are now resurfacing, because at least in my version Toph was deeply in love with Sokka when they were teenagers, but he was in love with Suki and she also loved Suki so she didn't want to mess up anything about their family or the group dynamics by making her feelings anyone else's problem), they fall in love, get married and have Suyin.

(Sokka may jokingly refer to it as a shotgun wedding, but the truth is he wanted to propose well before he found out she was pregnant, his attempts just kept getting messed up in increasingly comedic fashion.)

Throughout all of this, Republic City has been established, Sokka is Chancellor, Toph is something of a defacto police chief--mostly because, at the time, no one else was willing to volunteer, and she jokingly offered to whip the law enforcement, but unfortunately everyone else at the meeting took her seriously. However, she is also the founder of the probending league, and basically her feelings about law enforcement are complicated and she actively discouraged her kids from joining the force which is part of why Lin did. How else do you have a teen rebel phase with a parent like Toph? (Which, in this instance, means tough and firm but fair, with a 'you break it, it's up to you to fix it' attitude and very little desire to actually control her daughters and their behavior.)

Ah, but here's the rub.

Suyin is ten years old when Sokka dies, and Lin is sixteen. I'm not sure how he's killed--maybe by Yakone, to tie it into my plans for Amon and book 1. (Note that I'm not sure when the Yakone bloodbending trial happened in canon, but it doesn't matter. The timeline I'm gonna build will be completely different post-comet, and I'll eventually write it all down so that I can keep things straight.) Which would incidentally provide excellent means of having Katara have a very personal stake in the Amon conflict, and perhaps color the fight between him and Iara, but I'm getting off track. And I think Sokka being killed by Yakone, and Toph being unable to protect or save him, or deliver her own brand of justice to avenge him (because Aang is there to stop her and.... shit probably got ugly, I suspect she didn't talk to Aang for at least twenty years after Sokka's death--and this isn't to say I think Toph is particularly violent or murderous, but in that moment, she absolutely wanted to kill the man with her bare hands, and however much she may have regretted it afterwards, she took a very long time to forgive Aang for stopping her in the first place), is what results in Toph stepping down as police chief.

She didn't withdraw from her daughters or fuck off into the swamp or anything (words cannot express how much I hate that part of her canon history), but she did grieve for a very long time. Lin, meanwhile, felt like it was up to her to keep her family together, while also feeling a desperate need to... prove herself, I think. And because her mother was so adamant that she not join the police force, that's exactly what she does. I think Lin completely misread Toph's intentions, too, and believed that the discouragement was because her mother didn't think she had what it takes, when in reality I think Toph was scared of Lin losing herself in the job like she herself had begun to, and eventually coming up on something she couldn't change or fix and making the same mistakes she had.

(I think Toph and Lin have communication issues largely because they are both headstrong and willful, but where Toph thought she was giving her daughters the room they would need to make their own way, what Lin desperately craved was direction and she felt like that was something her mother simply couldn't understand.)

Suyin, on the other hand, fell in with a bad crowd like in canon. I think that what she desperately needed was attention, similar to Lin craving direction, and Toph was trying so hard not to be her own parents that she went a little too far in the other direction and Suyin began to feel like it didn't matter what she did, her mom wouldn't care, or get angry, or discipline her, or anything. Lin and Suyin butted heads a lot growing up, too, especially after Sokka's death, because Lin tried to rein in her sister's behavior and this was met with resistance and derision because Suyin felt like Lin was trying to be both mom and dad and she was neither but her big sister would never admit to being just as lost as she was and it made her furious.

So when Suyin is sixteen, and Lin is twenty-two and new to the force, The Big Rift happens. Lin catches Suyin and her gang, tries to apprehend her, gets a scar on her face in the ensuing conflict. But instead of abusing her power and sending her problem child off to her mother before fucking off to the swamp to avoid the consequences of her actions, Toph tries to actually fix things. Suyin cools her heels in prison for a while, because she was paralyzed by guilt at the time when she hurt her sister (a few inches lower and she could have slit her throat), and was still there when Lin's backup arrived.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm so sorry I rambled for so long, BUT THE UPSHOT IS: I think Suyin learned a bit about culpability and taking responsibility for her own actions, Toph realized that her daughters had different needs than she did at their age (and I think a lot of the problem was that grief clouded her own ability to connect with her daughters, and in trying to not be her own parents she lost sight of how to be the parent her own daughters needed), and Lin, I think, had to realize that she had never fully processed the loss of not one but two fathers and had turned to her job in order to avoid actually confronting the grief that had overshadowed her childhood.

However, she did not forgive Suyin, at least not right away--and she wasn't forced or expected to. Suyin understood that she crossed a serious line, she took her lumps and did her time, and no one shamed Lin for her anger. I think, as a result, she had less reason to hold onto that bitterness, and perhaps by the time the story actually begins, she and Suyin are on much better terms, though I haven't worked it out exactly yet.

UHHH yeah I went on for days lmao. All of this is subject to change, too, depending on the needs of the story whenever I get around to actually writing it all down, BUT these are my initial thoughts, at least.

[voiceless-terror]

would you consider writing me some precanon jongeorgie angst. bc i imagine they probably bonded over their interest in the supernatural but never. you know. actually talked about their personal experiences/trauma. just give me a little of both of them handling that trauma very badly while never admitting their closest brush with the supernatural. or something. idk.

Hello anon! I haven’t written Jon/Georgie yet, but this prompt was too good to pass up. Hope you like!

Being with Georgie was easy. It shouldn’t have been, not for him.

But it was.

She carried herself with the utmost surety: of her opinions, of her feelings, of her place in the world. It wasn’t arrogance, more like confidence and something else Jon couldn’t quite put his finger on. There was a blankness in her eyes sometimes. Not an absence of feeling but an absence of...understanding, maybe. Of empathy. Georgie saw the world in black and white; she knew exactly what was right and what was wrong. She was blunt. She bulldozed over others in conversations, pointed out flaws that polite society knew to overlook and not name. Jon admired it, as much as it made him cringe.

But it was complemented by her fierce capacity for loving, her clever, teasing words, the way her fingers ran through his hair when he was stressed. That black and white view could quiet his mind like no other- ‘yes, Jon’, ‘no, Jon.’  She listened to his incessant rambling, nodding in the right places and adding her own commentary. She filled out the crosswords in the morning, her brow furrowed in concentration, colorful nails tapping at the table. She never wanted help, stubborn to a fault. Her dark skin ethereal in the morning light, the way her voice was low and croaky before her coffee. The ease with which she said ‘I love you.’ 

He remembered the day she first approached him, all ripped-tights and smudged, smoky eyeshadow. Just leaned against the wall on that chilly fall night and snatched the cigarette right from his hand, an eyebrow flicked upward as she took a drag. He couldn’t get a word out, just silently took her phone when she offered it and typed in a number with shaking hands. A year later and she was still that same girl, though he’d seen her stash of manga and her weird cat memorabilia. She was whole, real. It was comfortable.

“I’m not really sure if I should go.” They’re curled up on the couch, Jon leaning into the warm bulk of her. “All of the others are going, though.”

“It’s not like you’re close, right?” Jon’s petting the Admiral, the new addition to the household fitting in seamlessly. “I’m sure she won’t take it as an insult. You can always say you’re busy. Who was it, again? Her father?”

“Yeah.” Georgie’s shifting against him, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. It’s odd- she’s not usually so awkward about these things. If there’s something she doesn’t want to talk about, she shuts it down right away. This seems...different. “And no, not close. But everyone else is going- they want to show their support, I guess. It would be awkward if I didn’t.”

Perhaps Georgie didn’t like funerals. You’re not supposed to, of course. Maybe it was a phobia, a perfectly valid one. Plenty of people don’t like to see the reminder of death laid out before them. Jon’s been to a few in his lifetime- for his Gran’s friend, for a distant cousin.

For his parents.

He doesn’t remember his father’s, he might not have even gone. He was only two at the time. He distantly remembers his mother’s; it wasn’t well attended, he sat in the front row with his Gran. He doesn’t even remember crying, if he even realized the thing in the box was his mother, dead and gone.

Needless to say, he understands Georgie’s sentiments. “You don’t have to go, not if...not if you don’t like it. Plenty of people are uncomfortable with death-” This was the wrong thing to say, for Georgie tensed instantly, leaning away from him.

“That’s not it at all,” she says, snatching her legs out from where Jon’s leaning comfortable against them. “It’s- it’s the performance of it all. All those people standing around a body, sniffling and moaning-”

Jon tried for levity, bristling at her tone. “People grieve, they need closure-”

Georgie snorted, this time shoving him away on the couch, the Admiral jumping from Jon’s lap at the movement. Her words became impassioned, as if Jon needed to know, needed to understand. “Cremate them, then! Say a few words, scatter the ashes, whatever. But having the body on display like that?” She gets up, starts to pace. Jon’s never seen her like this. “Paint the corpse, dress it up, pretend it’s a person still but it’s not, and everyone’s just standing there around it, praying over it and watching it like it’s not just rotting meat you put lipstick on-”

“Georgie!”

“I can’t stand it.” She stops in front of him, chest heaving and eyes aflame. “What’s so monumental about it? We live, we die- and her father was old, it was bound to happen sometime. No need to make such a to-do. It’s- it’s just disgusting, is what it is.” She didn’t continue, and an awkward silence permeated the room. 

Georgie got worked up about things on occasion. But the wild look in her eye, the total sense of incomprehension was...disconcerting. He agreed with her on certain points, of course, but the vehemence behind them- something wasn’t right. But it didn’t feel right to pry, either, and Georgie surely wouldn’t appreciate it.

“You could just say you’re busy, you don’t have to go,” he tries tentatively. She seems to deflate where she stands, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable. So he stands up, taking her hand in his. She lets him, but doesn’t meet his eyes. “But if you do, I can come with you. If you’d like.”

They stand in the very back row of the church after awkwardly greeting her grieving coworker. Georgie’s nails dig painfully into his arm, but he says nothing. They leave after ten minutes and stop at an Indian buffet on the way home. He silently watches her dig into a curry, his own untouched.

___________

When she first met Jon, she thought he was utterly out of her league.

It was her first semester back at school, she was an absolute fucking mess- drinking at all hours, barely present in her classes. She was out at the bar with a few new friends, most of whom she’d already forgotten the names of, and saw him standing there under a single flickering lamp, a cigarette dangling from long, slender fingers, raven hair back in a messy bun. Not many people could pull that off but he looked almost effortlessly cool (a thing she’d later find laughable for ever thinking) in his dingy leather jacket, his eyes far away and shadowed. She wondered what made him lose sleep. He had an odd, crooked little smile on his face and she was filled with liquid courage. The look he gave her when she took that cigarette out of his hand made her knees weak, and he took the proffered phone like he was only a little impressed. She sent a text to his phone and left, so embarrassed she went straight home.

He never did text her. To be fair, she never expected him to.

But she found him not two days later, hunched over a table in the campus library. She did a double take- surely this couldn’t be him, her impossibly handsome, silent figure who she surely dreamed up. But there was no mistaking that hair, those eyes. He was smaller, somehow diminished in his baggy jumper and wire-rimmed glasses, tapping a pencil against his textbook in irritation. Before she knew it she found herself picking up her phone, sending a text to the number with no name. And sure enough, his phone buzzed.

They went out on their first date a day later.

Jon was a ball of nerves, awkward and not at all like the man she thought she met that night. Somehow, the real Jon was better. She liked the way he blushed and stammered, the way a touch of her hand left him flustered and unable to speak. The way he could talk for hours about nothing at all, making even the most dull of subjects seem interesting with that voice of his- a voice surely meant for radio or T.V., something Jon himself endlessly scoffed at whenever she brought it up. They would sit in front of the telly for hours, marathoning ridiculous ghost hunting shows and pointing out the obvious fakes. Jon had a weakness for ghost stories, just like she did. “Most of them are absolute drivel, of course,” he said.

Most of them. 

They found comfort in each other, their small island of two, had no need for other company. Georgie had never been able to relate to someone so well, not since Alex, and Jon was never fond of crowds. Three months in he tried to break up with her, saying he could never give her what ‘she needed’ but she stopped that in its tracks- Georgie would be the one who decided what she did and didn’t need, thank you very much. She liked the way he leaned into her on movie nights, like her touch was the only thing that mattered. The sincerity in his eyes whenever he complimented her in that earnest, awkward way of his. He challenged her when he thought she was wrong, sometimes their fights lasted days. But they always came back to one another, each knowing they had no one else who understood them. Was it healthy? Georgie couldn’t answer that, she didn’t know herself. Jon probably didn’t either. But she loved him, in her way. 

That night they have a few glasses of wine, and Jon’s regaling her with some ridiculous story from his youth- apparently he was somewhat of a delinquent, wandering about at all hours. She laughs in delight, imagining a small, serious Jon climbing fences and evading the law. But suddenly Jon stops, his eyes going wide and his face growing ashen as he stares unblinking at the table.

It’s a spider- a tiny thing, really. Georgie’s been seeing a lot of them lately, and she really should be better about dusting the place. But Jon- Jon looks absolutely terrified, like the thing’s bound to leap out and kill him. She opens her mouth to tease, an instinctive reaction, but is instead startled by the loud smack of a hand against the table. Jon had smashed it certainly, but he lifts his hand and stares at it in wide-eyed horror, as if whatever he sees is nine times worse than the original thing.

“Jon-”

The chair hits the ground as he stumbles to her bathroom with heavy, labored breathing. She gets up slowly, approaching as quietly as possible to find him hyperventilating against the sink, the faucet on full blast as he washes his hand- scratches it, really. He’s mumbling frantically under his breath.

“...so many legs, get off, get off-”

She makes her presence known as not to startle him, approaching from the side and gently wrapping a hand around his arm once she sees him drawing blood. He starts anyway, his movements jerky and frenzied as he rips his arm away like her touch burns.

“It’s just a spider Jon,” she says softly, lifting her hands to show she means no harm. “It’s okay, you got it, it’s dead now-”

“But what if it isn’t!” He spits, slamming his hands on the marble rim of the sink and leaving bloody prints in his wake. He’s breathing so fast she thinks he might pass out. “What if it isn’t?”

She has no answer to that.

It takes about two hours, a hot shower and a stiff drink for him to calm down. They lay on the couch, watching something stupid, mind-numbing. She runs her fingers through his hair. He always liked that. She doesn’t say a word, he’s exhausted, and she knows from experience that pushing him will just lead to another fit like before. The next day, he brings her Hungarian by way of apology. They eat in a more comfortable silence, Jon gradually warming up as the evening goes on. Still, she doesn’t ask.

She spends the weekend cleaning her flat, standing on a chair and vacuuming at the cobwebs.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440474

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 8-13 thoughts! again, under the cut bc I blew through 6 episodes in one go...

-LOVE THE WAY THE GHOST ZONE LOOKS. but theres fucking ghost cops??? ghost jail??? that SUCKS imagine dying and going to jail in your AFTERLIFE. danny going to JAIL WAS NOT something I expected. but seeing all the enemies together and work with danny to bust out. SO ICONIC I love that actually. and the thing about real world stuff acting as ghosts in the ghost zone is very cool.

-'there are some things more important that hunting ghosts!' mrs fenton says, about her husband forgetting their anaversary (FOR THE 18TH YEAR IN A ROW?? CHRIST) and not about, idk, their son clearly freaked out. she didnt even notice he was gone into the ghost zone!!! he might be a bad husband BUT shes not the best mom. they suck and I don't care about their relationship problems I care about these kids. danny doing his best to clean the house to keep his mom from getting mad at his dad?? hes such a good boy I want to cry, this is not his place, his dad should be cleaning his own shit up!!!

-maddie's butch lesbian sister is living my best life in her lil cabin. also being a snarky bitch to jack. queen. and her getting a 10th anniversary of her divorce. LOVE IT.

-mr. lancer being a cheerleader in his younger years makes perfect sense to me. king shit.

-dr. spectra's cat ears/mullet hairstyle?? sooo cute. I also just love the concept of a ghost just. sucking out people's positivity and feeding on emotions. a great villain. she put danny in a fucking diaper what the FUCK. and keeping it cold so no one would suspect shes a ghost??? INCREDIBLE. and her gay little blob sidekick. wlw mlm evil solidarity.

-JAZZ FOCUSED EP. YEAAAH!!! her first thought when she saw the ghosts was like 'omg i gotta tell danny :)' and her going to the teacher and also councilor trying to get help for him...shes just 16 but shes trying so hard to help him out :( watching this when youre younger I can imagine ppl are like omg annoying!! but watching this when im older im just like :( jazz baby im SO sorry </3 SHE BODIED THAT GHOST THOUGH. and the fact she didnt tell danny she knew surprised me. like, shes patient and waiting on him to tell her when hes ready!! thats so so sweet.

-christ the parents talking about 'PEELING IT LIKE AN ONION. AND EXAMINING REMAINS' of ghosts RIGHT INFRONT OF DANNY.

-'why am i so depressed and angry all the time!!' DANNY YOURE 14. i mean it IS a ghost this time, but...

-579$ top?? VALERIE NO ITS NOT EVEN CUTE IT DOESNT EVEN GO WITH THAT OUTFIT AAAA. tho this ep is called shades of gray..VALERIE FOCUSED EP FINALLY????! *THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE* I already knew about red huntress from my redesigns, but I didn't exactly know what that entails or how/why, so, it's fun to see the Origins.

-ghost pubby! ghost pubby!!!!! why is the dog a ghost?? the implication that the company had guard dogs and got rid of them...what did they DO. is it just the unfinished business?? of not having that toy it was looking for?? god I hope so.

I feel SOOO bad for valerie tho, my god. her friends are shunning her for what, because her dad lost her job and she had to move??? horrible. (and the fact the dog wrecked the moving van too...) I also love how 'from wisconsin' on the package was an IMMEDIATE RED FLAG FOR ME. WISCONSIN=EVIL NOW. vlads so petty.

-it took valerie like 5 mins to get the hang of hunting ghosts and shes already a much bigger threat than his parents tbh. who've been trying and studying this for years. and a more valid reason <3 love her shes so cute and cool. new daughter alert.

-'i should do SOMETHING to help valerie' no shit danny???

-'who is that, awesome outfit!' -top gay sam moments. i was going to say. before it immediately cuts to sam kissing danny LMFAOOO. don't think I like that, it puts tucker in a weird third wheel position... the next ep involves them holding hands and blushing when danny's cold...URGH No. not a fan ngl. the trope of 'if theres a girl in a trio she has to end up with one of the two guys!!'

-right as I say that they take it to extremes!! and ember shoots him with a love ray gun that makes him OBSESSIVE OVER SAM. AND SHE TAKES HIS HANDS AND SAYS 'YOU DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ME, I DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU' and her saying she doesnt want to be together like this. and tucker saying 'i always knew you two would get together!!' dont manifest it tucker please. the show pushing for it so hard makes me not want it KSHKJKJD I KNOW its probably canon. it sucks though. im a hater.

-vlad just LURKING AROUND THE SCHOOL GIVING VALERIE GIFTS ASJKDHKJ YOU WEIRD PETTY OLD MAN GO HOME!!!

-EMBERRRRR YOU WILL REMEMBERRRRRR . this is the one thing I kinda remember from when I was a kid EMBERRRRR ilu. top 10 cartoon bops. sams being a hater. popular things are popular for a reason. mr. lancer also being a hater. also everyone wearing her color scheme ..its a really good look, the purple, black, and minty color...

-penguins exist in the ghost zone. confirmed.

-EMBER JUST SHOWING UP AT A RANDOM HIGHSCHOOL TO PLAY?? UNANNOUNCED, MID DAY??? girl get a tour schedule. make some money or smth damn. I know shes probably doing it for the power boost but. lord. anyway if your show doesnt have a concert scene/ep, is it even valid.

-fellas is this gay. (she uses a GRAPPLING HOOK TO SHOOT OUT THE WINDOW AFTER SEEING AN EMBER VAN GO BY RIGHT AFTER THIS SHOT)

-hey, she had an undercut at some point!! my redesign!!! was accurate!! in..a way

-I feel like danny has a lot of pent up aggression ngl, him being heartbroken about sam and immediately going IM GONNA GO TAKE IT OUT ON EMBER. I mean she needs to be stopped I guess But. jazz has the right idea he needs therapy and a HEALTHY outlet.

-tucker singing > my singing

-girls cant be gamers -tucker and danny sexist moments. her being chaos in the game OWNED.

-TUCKERS HAT IS A BERET??? I THOUGHT IT WAS A BEANIE. SAM CALLED IT A BERET. WH.

-it was actually nice of lancer to let danny retake the test, and he go to play games again. smh. epic cringe gamer moments compilation. and driving him home!!! I actually like him as a character. anyway teachers like lancer are SO appreciated. I was failing middle school because of mental problems, and felt so dumb and got embarrassed by teachers who would just get onto me instead of bothering to ask what the real problem was, but when I was taking my ged classes I had a wonderful teacher who kept reassuring me that I was smart, and I got honors!! danny is SUCH a little shit to him (understandable, 14, but) but seeing them getting along better and danny putting in effort. SO CUTE. THATS MY SON, STUDYING HARD!!!! and being so PROUD OF HIMSELF!!! 91!!! BITCH!!! A- is STILL AN A!!!

-'why dont they ever realize thats me in a dress' mr lancer i am CRYING. i realized.

-technus being my ghost grandpa who cant game asking tucker for help. bless his heart. his out of date old ppl lingo circles back to being endearing <3 tucker not recognizing him despite the like, lack of any kind of serious disguise...I do love their lil in-game outfits....sam being the tank rules. I like technus' spider design also. more characters need to be giant freaky spiders, imo.

-finding your gf a new host because she cant maintain her ghost body outside the zone? amazing. using jazz as the host? ILL KILL YOU. jazz immediately accepting a ride home from a guy she just met and letting him know where she lives. letting him IN THE HOUSE??? nooo girl no lets use common sense </3

-sooo cringe the parents were like 'good job for spying on your sister' tho wtffff. doesnt matter if hes a bad guy, thats fucked. everytime these parents BREATHE im like. these are MY kids now <3

-BAD LUCK BEING A THEME OF THE 13TH EPISODE. thats super fun. johnny 13 being his name is so. iconic. your last name is a NUMBER? also goth tucker. I actually love the look. everyone looks good goth. 'the ladies love the eyeliner and onyx nail polish' sam you are sooo right every man needs to at least try those two things. im a lesbian and I agree. same, danny, your bff is gnc af

-LOVE kitty's design. and just, the concept of a ghost with a bike. couple goals, except yes stay away from jazz.

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 3

a/n: almost done, two more left!! i’m not sure why, but these ones were really fun for me to do and i had to cut myself off before i wrote whole fics for each one. also thank you to my wifey for helping me with akaashi, idk why his was so hard for me to do ): pairings: bokuto x reader, akaashi x reader, ushijima x reader, tendou x reader, semi x reader warnings: some spoilers for post timeskip, minor cussing, a bit suggestive (ushi) taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 2 | part 4

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ definitely someone who talks about the first things that just pop into his mind ⇾ would literally change topics in the middle of his sentence ⇾ “did you see my last spread, I was centerfold Tsum-Tsum was not happy but when I offered to trade places with him, it made him even more mad - I just got an email saying my new knee pads have been shipped YES - babe are you hungry? Let’s go to the convenience store and get some snacks” ⇾ all over the place ⇾ but the second sleep starts to hit him, he become even softer than he already is ⇾ this baby would def be asking for validation without outright asking for it - we all know he lives to be praised but as he gets older, he stops asking for it directly ⇾ i feel like he just becomes more self-conscious after he realizes that being on a national team means that now the entire WORLD is scrutinizing him ⇾ i could keep going on about him imma stop

“I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.” Even hours later, Bokuto was trying to hold in laughter from the memory of the event. “I think that’s why he’s mad at you Kou.” Bokuto pouted. “I offered to help him up.” “Yeah, but you were also red from laughing so hard and wiping the tears from your eyes. I don’t think he appreciated that.” Bokuto got quiet and you knew what that meant. “But at the end of the day, the pictures came out amazing. You look amazing.” His smile, although soft compared to his usual grin, came back. “You think so?” You hummed. “If volleyball doesn’t work out, you could be a model. I already know one of my friends has a shrine dedicated to you. Which honestly feels weird, but hey, if it’s harmless why should I care?” you said, going off on a tangent. Bokuto brushed off the compliment that normally would’ve stroked his ego. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle the pressure.” You cocked an eyebrow. “People constantly judging you and criticizing you. You know me, I thrive with praise and…” “Become emo with criticism?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. I’m trying to change.” You reached over and caressed his cheek. “There’s a difference between growing up and mellowing out and changing who you are. You’ve done the growing up part and you’re slowly mellowing out as much as you can. But please don’t change.” “But people keep saying -” “Forget what they say. I love you the way you are now.” Bokuto’s full grin returned to his face. “I love you more.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ more of a listener he learned his ways from babysitting bo ⇾ he would just enjoy listening to whatever you had on your mind ⇾ one to add his own commentary and thoughts to whatever you were saying ⇾ if he were to talk though, he would reminisce  ⇾ talks of bokuto and his old team, things he misses ⇾ but speaking of bokuto, he would go off on how proud he is seeing his former ace doing so well for himself now - even if he still isn’t a normal player ⇾ depending on how open he’s feeling, he might even wander into his insecurities and childhood, things he doesn’t really open up about unless he feels really close to you

“And then I booked it out of there,” you finished your story. Akaashi hummed. “What about the other girl who was still working?” “Look, she never sticks around to help me when I have extra work, I wasn’t going to stick around to help her.” He cracked a smile at your pettiness. “Wait, didn’t you have lunch with Bokuto today?” “Yes. It was nice.” You waited a moment thinking that Akaashi would add more. “That’s it? It was nice?” “Well, you know how he is. But it was nice to see him trying to change himself. Well, improve himself.” You rolled over from your back onto his chest and reached up to play with his hair. “We talked a lot about playing during high school and what the others are doing these days. Everyone is so busy now, it’s hard to keep up. I’m proud of them.” You didn’t let the smile on Akaashi’s face go unnoticed, commenting on how it always seemed to be there whenever he talked about his former ace. “Leave me alone, I’m happy with how far he’s come on his own. I can’t but smile when I think about the people I love.” “Do you smile when you think about me?” “Of course I do, you idiot,” he replied before kissing your forehead.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ i very strongly believe he would talk about parallel universes ⇾ he would go into the existence of them but also like ‘what if there was a way for people in a parallel universe who could watch me as if my life was a movie’ ⇾ if he was in a more serious mood, like if he had a big match coming up or sum, he would talk more about his goals ⇾ the things he hopes to accomplish in the future, the outcomes he wants in life ⇾ if he was tired, it would be more like akaashi - more listening, less talking ⇾ i feel like he would always want to know what’s happening in your mind so he would ask you the most random questions or just want to listen to you talk as he drifts off to sleep

“Do you think they saw me when I tripped over Leo and dropped the dishes?” You remembered when he tripped over the cat the two of you were raising and ended up breaking a few plates. As annoyed as you were that the plates you like broke, it gave you a reason to go domestic shopping with your boyfriend. You sighed. “No Toshi. If they were watching you, it would be when you’re playing volleyball or taking a shower.” “But you’re in the shower with me sometimes. You think they saw what we were doing?” “If they did,” you started with your eyebrows raised, “I hope they enjoy it as much I do.” He chuckled. “Why when I’m playing volleyball?” “Because that’s your job now. What else would they watch you do? Play with Leo?” He didn’t reply as he looked down to the cat in his lap. Petting it, the two of you sat in silence for a while. You finally thought he dropped the topic as you started to drift to sleep. “I wonder if the people watching like me. Or what if they think I’m the villain?” You sat up in bed. “Why would you think you would be a villain in a show about volleyball?” “I don’t know. I could be a side character that no one likes.” His voice got quieter the more he talked. “Aw, Toshi. I’m sure you have many, many fans in this parallel universe who all wish to be dating you. You never intentionally hurt anyone. You tried, in your own way, to work with Oikawa, but it’s not like you sabotaged him or anything.” He nodded. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa. We could’ve been that impressive first year duo instead of Hinata and Kageyama.” You rubbed his shoulder. “I know, baby. You remind me of that at least once a month.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would get deep ⇾ talks about his childhood where he was bullied to where he is now ⇾ while he has his insecurities, he would still be very proud of himself and how far he’s come and everything he accomplished ⇾ on the topic of being proud, he would never pass up the opportunity to talk up his bff ushi and he would hype him up even though it’s just the two of you ⇾ he wouldn’t forget about the other third years aka his other ‘best friends’ (i use quotes bc he only has eyes for ushi lezbehonest) ⇾ the talk would shift over to you and how lucky he feels to have found you ⇾ half of the things he would say would just to get you all embarrassed and shy so he could tease you about it

You woke up an hour ago because when you went to snuggle with your boyfriend, his body was missing from bed. For the last hour, he talked to you about how much he’s grown over the years, not once stopping to let you say anything. You finally had enough of this monologue. “Satori, how much more can you possibly say? It’s been a whole ass hour. Get your ass to bed so I can snuggle with you and lemme sleep.” Sighing, he walked away from the window where he was using the light from the moon to set the mood of his speech. Getting into bed, he waited until you were satisfied and closed your eyes. “But also, Wakatoshi has gotten so far on his own. I couldn’t be more proud of my best friend.” “Satori, please. For the love of God.” “Babe, you gotta let me air this out. Good communication and all that.” “We don’t have a single problem that needs to be ‘aired out’ right now. I got work in the morning and you like the sound of your own voice.” That still didn’t stop him. “And Semi, I gotta hand it to him, the man finally learned how to dress properly. And his music isn’t that bad either so I gotta find something new to annoy him with now. Reon is still keeping his fighting spirit alive and playing volleyball too. My friends, all doing so well.” Tendou glanced down at you who had fallen asleep to his heart beats. “But you. I’m the most proud of you. I’m so lucky to have found you. Not that I needed someone in my life at the time, but all the happiness you’ve given me on top of the great things in my life. You’re an amazing person, and I appreciate the impact you’ve made in my life.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ before we start with semisemi, he plays bass and sings in his band but he also plays the piano and guitar (these are MY OWN hcs, none of this is canon) ⇾ that being said, he would stay up late at night playing his guitar, working on songs and quietly singing lyrics to himself ⇾ his talks would be about purpose - like why he’s on this earth similar to hinata ⇾ aha ha ha so if yall read kuroo’s, you know how i feel about scorpios ⇾ semi babe is not safe from that either ⇾ while he is bad at opening up, he also has a short temper so expect apologies for his random outbursts from him ⇾ imma touch on this more in my semi relationship hcs so i shall stop here

You had been on your computer, finishing up some work of yours that you had been procrastinating on with Semi sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar as he worked on a new song. You hadn’t been paying attention the entire time, not until you closed your laptop and sat back in your chair. “Eita, what’s that song?” Your sudden question caused him to jump a little. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” “I just heard you singing. What is that?” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I was hoping to hold out until it was finished.” You walked over to him, draping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your weight on him. You read the lyrics he had so far, your eyes growing bigger with each line. “What… is this?” “An apology.” You pulled away from him. “I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend and that when I have a problem, I should say something rather than exploding on you over the littlest thing. I didn’t really know how else to express this without messing it all up.” “I’ve known you for a long time, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t figure that much out.” “But still, it doesn’t mean that I should just stay this way. I should be growing with you as a person, not stuck how I am. I really do need to learn to express myself better.” You let out a small chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” You had. Four times already. “And this will be the last. Thank you for putting up with me.” Your arms wrapped around him once again. “Next time, I expect an entire album with love songs dedicated to me. Got it?” “Well fuck, I better not mess up. I don’t have enough material for an entire love album.” You shoved him. “Hey! Maybe I will leave your sorry ass.” “I’m just kidding! Babe! Where are you going?!”

[tabriscadash]

I was asked this on my old blog right as I set about transitioning to this one, so...

The first character I ever fell in love with: for DA:O, dare I say Daveth? What can I say -- I irrationally got incredibly attached to him. otherwise, DEFINITELY Morrigan, and I have crystal clear memories of my first run through Lothering and looking at Morrigan like 😍 the whole time. For DA:2/E, Carver -- unless you count Anders & Justice since I knew of them from Awakening beforehand, in which case probably Justice. For DA:I, it’s a toss-up between Vivienne or Cole -- I technically liked Cole first but SPECIFICALLY in the supporting material (Asunder), and didn’t vibe with him anywhere near as much in the game, AND I got him as a companion after I got Vivienne, so probably Vivienne.

A character that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I guess Oghren? I never loved him, but I liked the idea of him because I really liked the dwarves/Orzammar side of DA’s worldbuilding -- but he’s such an unlikeable character that I just.. don’t vibe with him at all. I debate recruiting him every single time now, and I don’t think I ever do his personal quest (in the base game OR Awakening). for DA:2/E, I don’t really have anyone that fits -- but I REALLY wanted to like Merrill and Aveline more than I did, and especially in Aveline’s case, I can’t stand her and genuinely think she’s the unintended, secret Big Bad of the whole game. for DA:I, probably Cole, bc I was really into the idea of a little walking-corpse serial killer animated by a spirit as per the book, but that’s not really the vibe in DA:I, and combined with the somewhat patronising/ableist language and how significantly he is infantilised (including by the fandom) I just got put off him. I do still like him, but not as much.

A ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I don’t really have one? I guess see my DA:I answer, lol... for DA:2/E, has to be Anders - I don’t think he’s OOC in 2, but I think his writing does so little with him and he feels v. reductive. Where his relationship could be SO interesting and angsty, it instead is written in a really dull and/or cringey way. It would have been nice to see Anders more like the Anders of Awakening near the beginning of the game (rather than random, infrequent and questionably rare snippets), and then see the progression of his relationship with Justice as the game went on -- I want more interesting abominations, PLEASE. for DA:I, listen I cannot express to you HOW EXCITED I was for my planned Lavellan to romance Sera… also I used to be way more tolerant of Cullen x Amell/Surana ships because, like, hey dark ships are fun, right? But since Cullen’s ~wholesome whitewash~ in DA:I, and his fandom clamouring to absolve him of any wrongdoing ever.. it’s boring to me.

My ultimate favourite character™: for DA:O, probably Sten? or Morrigan. They’re both fantastic, and also are significant comfort chars for me. for DA:2/3, honestly, probably my own Hawke -- I feel so hugely proud of her, and can’t imagine I’d enjoy the game anywhere near as much had I not played it as my Hawke. If not her, maybe Sebastian or Carver? for DA:I, I really love Vivienne, as well as Blackwall, and Solas is a great character even if I probably would not say I liked him.

Prettiest character: for DA:O, we all know it’s Zevran. for DA:2/E, I think Aveline -- although her aggressively bland colour-scheme lets her down in a major way (although I respect her dedication to all orange all day every day). There’s just something about her arms -- very Abby from TLOU:2. for DA:I, maybe Josephine? Ser Barris is very pretty, too...

My most hated character: for DA:O, I really didn’t like Alistair, Wynne and Oghren, and of my companions - Oghren is probably my least favourite. He’s vulgar and also profoundly uninteresting. for DA:2/E, it has to be Aveline. There’s just something about ineptitude and a complete, wilful refusal to take accountability for your actions that I can’t stand. It would be okay if it was an intentional character flaw, but the game/narrative treats her like she’s lawful good and it really annoys me. for DA:I, maybe Iron Bull? He was a huge disappointment for me. I also really dislike Sera, Cassandra, and Varric. I’m so sick of Varric - I never want to see him again.

My OTP: for DA:O, I really loved Zevran’s romance -- but I am also very amused by the fact that Leliana got to ‘love’ status with Kallian accidentally, AND I got the ‘love’ glitch for Justice (👀) and Velanna. I do sometimes wonder about an AU where Kallian is forced to make a politically expedient marriage with Nathaniel Howe for diplomatic reasons in order to consolidate her position as Arlessa, and it being an entirely platonic arrangement (it’s not like anyone expects an heir from an infertile Grey Warden) -- and maybe Zev and Nate kiss sometimes, who knows? I also LOVE my Darkspawn Chronicles AU where Kallian and Nelaros are a happy, married couple each hiding their skills with weapons from each other like dumb, cute sweethearts. They shelter Zevran when he fails to kill Alistair and a poly couple evolves. for DA:2/E, I love the IDEA of a Seb romance that isn’t so strictly conditional around the structures that abused him -- he should be allowed to love, chastely or otherwise, but free from the Chantry OR his position as prince/heir. I’d LOVE to actually have a romance with him where you can actually challenge the abuse he’s experienced. for DA:I, Malika doesn’t have a canon romance (although I think when I replay, I’m going to romance Josephine!) but I think Blackwall has an amazing romance. Solas’ is also iconic, it must be said. 

My NOTP: for DA:O, I really dislike Alistair in a shipping capacity; he’s immature and says a lot of misogynistic shit and I don’t think he’s the worst for it, but I don’t really vibe with shipping him, having played the game as a female city elf. for DA:2/E, I wouldn’t say I have one, particularly? although I really dislike Aveline’s relationship with her husband simply because it seems incredibly inappropriate, given that they work together and she has power over him -- and because I dislike her, generally, I don’t feel inclined to do something nice for her. for DA:I, I suppose Sera/Lavellan -- although I’m not AGAINST it, it just really isn’t for me, having attempted it. I also don’t really vibe with Dorian x Iron Bull. Something abt the way the game handled BDSM and their relationship banter specifically I don’t really like.

Favourite episode quest: for DA:O, probs Orzammar/the Deep Roads. I really love the dwarven lore! and, of course, Fort Drakon is really funny, even though it’s not canon in my game iirc. for DA:2/E, maybe the murder mystery with the serial killer, where ultimately Leandra dies? I also really enjoyed all the companion quests. for DA:I, The Descent (just, all of it, lmao) and everything to do with the Avvar. Crestwood also BANGED.

Saddest death: for DA:O, it’s frankly a fucking INJUSTICE that Shianni gets murdered if you make her Bann of the Alienage -- the idea of that happening whilst Kallian is in Amaranthine and unable to protect her :( genuinely very upsetting. I go back and forth on who is made Bann, tbf, so idk how canonical it is: I think maybe Cyrion would get it, but I’m also endeared to Soris holding the position, with Shianni as Hahren. for DA:2/E, Bethany. I wish both twins had had the chance to reach Kirkwall :(. Let Leandra die instead. for DA:I, maybe not the saddest death, but the most memorable for me was that one sleeping dragon in the Hissing Wastes.. leave her alone. Stay out of a womans’ business.

Favourite season game: DA:O!

Least favourite season game: DA:I.

Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: for DA:O, Alistair. I cannot deal with his complacency and hypocrisy. for DA:2, I really disliked Merrill but I honestly cannot remember why. DEFINITELY Varric -- I hated how the game forces you to be his best friend, and if you’re low approval, you have to endure these pointless pissy little comments with this little anti-dwarf centrist pissant. After the expedition, I literally have no reason to put up with him, and I NEVER take him out. I hate that he plays the same role in DA:I, too. for DA:I, the Iron Bull was hugely disappointing, and I also really don’t vibe with Cassandra. She just seems very wishy-washy and complacent and hypocritical, and many of her comments about other cultures seem snide for literally no reason other than bigotry. 

My ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: for DA:O, lbr probably Sten. Mans is gonna launch a HORRIFYING invasion in the next game iirc and frankly, I’m ok with it. Just wanna see that big bastard again ❤🥵. for DA:2/E, I LOVE Gamlen, ok? for DA:I, I am not sure if I have one.

My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: for DA:O, if any of you so much as LOOK at Velanna wrong, it’s hands. That includes Bioware. I also feel incredibly protective of and sad for Morrigan. for DA:2/E, probably Sebastian -- I feel so sad for him, and so frustrated by the limitations with the game. for DA:I, I’m honestly not sure.. maybe Josephine? I don’t really feel this way about Sera, but I do think she deserves better from the game and its writing, and also from fandom: there are valid criticisms of her, but the hate she gets is not proportional to any valid issues with her -- and gee, I wonder why that is.

My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: for DA:O, I did use to find Cullen x Surana/Amell intriguing as a dark ship -- I actually hc that Neria Surana is actually Nelaros’ sister, and have dabbled with it as a dark ship. I also am interested in Loghain/Alistair - which each pretends the other is someone else. Alistair is wooby, hate ships are, in general, fun -- so long as we acknowledge that they are, indeed, unhealthy ships. for DA:2/E, I kind of feel like Sebastian romances are, invariably, kind of dark... and, similarly, Anders romances -- especially with certain red Hawkes, The way it ends is, invariably, bordering on fucked up. ALSO Hawkecest is weird and wonderful: GET WITH IT. 

My ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: for DA:O, I joked about Velanna x Leliana once and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it ever since… Velanna x Sigrun is also something that can be so personal. Ariane x Finn is adorable and are paid DUST by Bioware AND fandom. I actually am really into Anora x Nathaniel & NO I will NOT explain myself; it’s a crackship but it’s MY crackship. for DA:2/E, Isabela x Fenris is super cute, but I don’t pay enough attention to them to really have super committed thoughts & feelings on them. for DA:I, Blackwall x Josephine is cute as a background ship; I also think Maryden x Cole is sweet.