#bc that man is weak and Cannot handle it

[demonic0angel]

Haunted Paintings Sketches!

Part one

I hope you enjoy the sketches I made of the paintings!

Also! You’re free to use my ideas (please give credit ofc) if you’d like, bc I REALLY don’t think I’ll write this one, no matter how much I want to. It’s just too much and I’ve already got 3 unfinished fics and several other series to write for. If you have any questions, feel free to ask or send me a submission! You can also DM if you’d like!

TW: mentions of suicide, murder, depression, mental illness, just really dark, creepy stuff bc these are haunted paintings and they torment people :/ no scary drawings tho! I only described them (click for clarity)

Jazz:

Description: Jazz is sitting at a table in the middle of a flower garden with a book in one hand and a teacup in the other. She looks tranquil and is dressed formally. On the table are a few plates, a plate of cookies, a bookmark, an opened envelope and a bloody butter knife, and a teapot that is slightly out of view.

Use of mediums: gouache paint, watercolor, and pencils

Focus: Jazz amidst the flowers

Inspirations:

• The Queen of Hearts from “Alice in Wonderland”

• Galna from “Mairimashita! Iruma-kun”

Location: She used to be in the home of a random crime lord in Gotham for intimidation purposes. She was kept in the crime lord’s office before being relocated into Wayne Manor, where she sits in the hall across from the library.

Extra facts:

+ Her scary form would be one where her tea is filled with blood and the roses would be replaced with decapitated heads. The sky would turn dark red and the ground would be a pool of blood. Jazz would smile and look at the viewer with shark-like fangs and hollowed out eyes.

+ The tea she drinks is Darjeeling and the cookies are chocolate chip.

+ Although Jazz is the weakest painting, her effects are deadlier, more painful, and longer lasting than the others if her victims survive.

+ She causes paranoia and dizzy spells. Her effects are rather weak compared to the others, but when spending enough time with her, victims can also display symptoms of scurvy, which cannot be cured.

+ She was the first one I drew and also the easiest to plan. I just love her so much, she’s one of my comfort characters so it’s not hard for me to find ideas for her 😭

Valerie:

Description: Valerie stands in the middle of a dark, foggy forest, wearing a long dress and pressed close to a tree as if she is about to hide behind it. A branch covers her face and the trees around her curve into a circle with multiple holes within them. There is a Fenton thermos in the background on the floor and an axe in front of Valerie, sticking into the tree and oozing something.

Use of mediums: pencils and watercolor paint

Focus: Her hidden face

Inspirations:

• The Son of Man by René Magritte

• The Beast from “Over the Garden Wall”

Location: She was kept in the back of an art museum, but the director has been hoping for someone to buy her and get rid of her, since he cannot handle the strain of having her inside of the gallery. Now she stands near the door to the entrance of Wayne Manor, a silent and deadly sentry.

Extra facts:

+ Her scary form would have her surroundings to turned into the entrance to a mouth or an intestine, red, fleshy, and bloody. There would be bones littering the floor everywhere and Valerie herself would become bloody and stained, with her face still hidden. Tortured faces would be seen through the fog.

+ The holes on the trees sometimes leak a mysterious substance.

+ Valerie is not the weakest, but she is not that powerful. However, she does amplify the others’ effects to fatal degrees.

+ She causes paranoia and auditory hallucinations, often causing her victims to feel as though they are being watched relentlessly, which cannot go away. Eventually, her victims will shut themselves into their rooms and starve to death from the fear.

+ She and Tucker had switched ideas, but I had to trash them. I never got the opportunity to draw those ideas because I struggled so much with Tucker that when I eventually got inspiration for Valerie, I just went with it. I’m quite happy with Valerie’s portrait now.

Dani:

Description: Dani, dressed formally, sits at the head of a table with a large painting and curtains behind her. She holds a fork and a knife over a pig head. Her gaze is downward and she looks like she’s frowning softly. The dinner table is messy with three other dishes and a knocked over bottle of wine.

Use of mediums: oil paint and oil pastels

Focus: Dani holding the fork and knife

Inspirations:

• Rosie’s Tea Party by Mark Ryden

• “Spirited Away” (specifically that one scene where Chihiro’s parents eat the food)

Location: She was hidden by Vlad and kept safe with him. He keeps her in his office, where he can watch her. He only recently found her again, and he was determined to watch over her. Now she stays in the Wayne Manor's dining room, but often changes her position to be next to everyone else in the bedroom hallway.

Extra facts:

+ Her scary form would be one where all of her food dishes would be replaced by very obviously human parts, especially with the pig head becoming a human head. The curtains would turn to blood dripping down the wall and Dani would be smiling, taking a direct bite of the human head that was in front of her with her fork and knife.

+ The dishes she eats in the painting are: pig head, vulture thigh, lamprey eels, and sheep brain.

+ Her at the dining table is meant to signify greed and gluttony, 2 of the most simplest sins.

+ She causes great feelings of hunger and paranoia in others. When spending too much time with her, some victims turn to self-cannibalism to sate their never ending starvation.

+ Originally, both her and Dan’s ideas were switched, so Dan would’ve been the one feasting and Dani would’ve been the one looking at her reflection. However, I switched them around because I felt like it would’ve been spookier. I even finished the drawing with Dan and everything, but then I just erased him and drew in Dani 😓

Dan:

Description: Dan is standing in front of a mirror, glancing behind his shoulder, while his reflection shows something different: him looking at everyone else and the door behind him by looking at the mirror. The party guests are all wearing masks and there are chandeliers on the ceiling. The party looks vaguely fancy, but messy with secrets.

Use of mediums: Oil paints

Focus: His reflection

Inspirations:

• Jeff Lee Johnson and his art

Location: He was kept in a locked safe within a rich person’s house in Italy. He had to been wrecking havoc on the nerves of everyone around him, but he is now safe and happy in Wayne Manor, where he is kept in the office to the entrance of the Batcave.

Extra facts:

+ His scary form would have all of the party guests dead, but their eyes would face the viewer. Dan's reflection would also be dead, but his actual self would be the same, only with an eerie smile as his eyes follow the viewer. In the doorway would be the figure of Danny. Blood would cover the entire floor and walls, but nobody would react to it.

+ Dan keeps his own masquerade mask in his pocket.

+ The woman who is directly staring at him is supposed to look like Maddie.

+ He causes viewers intense mood swings and long, often violent mania episodes or mind-numbing depression episodes. Those who keep staring at him will gain the feeling of being watched and haunted, often with visual hallucinations, resulting in losing their mind from fear and then killing others in their terror and panic.

+ I tried so hard to make Dan as handsome as possible. I think I pulled it off bc I’m a little bit in love with him ong, but I also kinda have to be bc I draw him so often

Tucker:

Description: Tucker is in the back shot of a desert, with his back towards the viewer, staring at a large skeleton that is seemingly climbing over a large sand dune. The skeleton has flowers in its eyes, and its hand reaches over the horizon. There is a single sun in the sky and an arm holding a pocket watch sticks out of the sand close to the viewer.

Use of mediums: gouache paint, pens, and pencils

Focus: The large skull

Inspirations:

• JT Music (specifically their JT album covers)

• The Giant God Warrior from “Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind”

• “Dune”

Location: He was originally kept in one of the rooms within the GIW headquarters. Now, he is kept within Wayne Manor, and stays in the theater room, where he whispers to the Wayne residents what movies he wants to watch. Sometimes, he moves to the garage.

Extra facts:

+ His scary form is one where the skull becomes covered in meat and flesh, oozing blood and tar while the sand turns red. The scene turns to darkness, and more limbs would sprout from the ground. Tucker would be nothing but a pile of flayed skin, crumpled into the sand.

+ GIW agents were unable to experiment on him, since he would purposefully cause machinery to misfire and slowly corrode his surroundings.

+ His painting is meant to be a little comic book-esque with one of his mediums being ink, but I felt like that wouldn’t be a PAINTing, so nvm

+ He causes visual hallucinations, hypovolemia, headaches, blindness, and osteoporosis :). Often, when his victims are autopsied, sand and salt can be found within all of their organs. He emits so much radiation that he can wear down the materials of the place he is stored in.

+ I DREW HIM THREE DIFFERENT TIMES OML, FIRST IT WAS HIM IN A WORKSHOP, THEN IT WAS HIM IN A MARSH, THIS IS THE FINAL PICTURE I CANNOTTTT IM DONE

Sam:

Description: Sam stands on top of a small, grassy hill with a path leading to a grave and an angel statue on top of it, close enough that she is blocking it. Around the hill are pomegranate trees and hanging corpses. There is no sun, but there are clouds as Sam stands with her back to the viewers in a long goth-styled dress.

Use of mediums: paper, glue, acrylic paint

Focus: Her standing on the hill

Inspirations:

• This Reddit picture of a liminal garden

• A mix of weirdcore and dreamcore aesthetics

Location: She was tossed into the ocean by her parents when they first saw her, but she later washed up on an island and now the animals and plants there act erratically and strangely. Finally, she was relocated to Wayne Manor, where she hangs on a wall within the greenhouse, happily watching over the plants there.

Extra facts:

+ Her scary form would be one where eyes would replace all of the pomegranates, staring at the viewer. The paper used to make her would become flesh textured and bloody, and Sam would appear abnormal, broken into pieces and cracked, turning around and smiling at the viewer with shark-like teeth. The grass would become hairy skin and the sky would become red, with swirls and more eyes.

+ Sam's "painting" is actually made of mostly paper, since it is a collage. It is a bit touched up by paint and all of the materials used are vegan and ethically sourced, though they do change.

+ The flora and fauna in the island she landed on have mutated so much that they’re basically mindless. They protect Sam relentlessly.

+ She causes general insanity and relentless symptoms in her victims, such as paranoia, intense episodes of mania and depression, itchiness that can result in self harm, and violent, unexplained behavior in animals and plants. She also emits so much radiation that she can cause sporadic DNA mutations, resulting in several forms of cancer and mental instability, often resulting in victims becoming inhuman and monstrous forms of themselves.

+ Originally, Sam’s portrait was supposed to be in a garden, but I wanted it more “liminal space” themed, and I think I got it right. I think it’s really simple, but I also feel like if I was able to create it in real life, it would be more interesting because it is a collage of paper and paint.

Danny:

Description: a picture of black blotches and scribbles with muddy and red stains. Any features besides the ornate frame is hidden underneath the stains.

Use of mediums: pencils, ink, charcoal, tar, blood

Focus: His crying

Inspirations:

• SCP-035 (“The Possessive Mask”)

• The Anguished Man by an unknown artist (it’s a haunted irl painting!)

• Bendy and the Ink Machine

Location: He was cloning himself in order to jump through universes to find his family. In the current universe, he was with the League of Shadows before he was found and brought back to the Wayne Manor. He is in the hallway with the bedrooms of the Wayne residents.

Extra facts:

+ His scary form is technically his normal form because he cannot turn it off. Once he is happy again, his normal form would be one with him and his family, smiling and happy. Until then, he haunts the minds of others and ravages their sanity.

+ He’s been traveling all over the multiverse in order to find his family. Coincidentally, they’ve all been in the same world for some time.

+ He screams all day and night for his family. It’s so bad that Danny has destroyed thousands of worlds in his grief.

+ He causes the worst of all symptoms, often causing the viewers who look at him to go insane and kill themselves or others, even if it is only a few seconds. Even those who stay in the same room next door to him are consumed with suicidal thoughts and intense moments of psychosis. Those who have survived encountering him and have some semblance of mind left say that he “cries” relentlessly. His paintings leak a black substance that corrodes the place around him.

+ Literally all I did for this picture was scribble in my notes app, take a screenshot, and then scribble some more on photos LMAO

Extra notes:

+ Jazz, Dani, and Dan showing their face while Sam, Tucker, and Valerie hiding theirs is intentional. Danny is a mix of both, because he actually IS showing his face, but you can’t see it past the black and red.

+ Every painting has a flower inside of it, specifically a carnation, which are often funeral flowers, and can mean gratitude, remembrance, love, and affection.

+ Every painting also has a mention or appearance of Danny in it.

+ I also tried to put hints of bad omens or signs of death within every painting. Some examples are Dani’s painting with the chopsticks sticking out of the bowl (a sign of bad luck and death), or Dan’s painting, where a woman is being strangled in the background and another is being killed.

+ All of the paintings generally have an ability to teleport to places nearby and can actually snatch up viewers to shove them into their domain. This can be a defensive mechanism (the paintings protect the Bats) or an offensive ability (they pull victims in and kill them). They also all have weapons on them that are hidden or not so hidden.

+ I struggled a lot with ideas and how to get started on some characters because I just had so many, and I wanted it to be creepy, but not noticeably creepy, like most paintings. I’m sad to say that I wasn’t able to use some of my planned ideas from inspirations of actual haunted paintings.

+ Discarded inspirations: The Rain Woman by Svetlana Telets (my favorite!! Please look it up if you can!!), this picture I saw on Reddit of a sheep being stuck under ice with its back exposed, a workshop idea with Tucker, and Dani and “Daughter of Evil” with mirrors and everything.

+ The world where Danny and co., come from is different from the world they’re currently in. It’s like a world where some people are the same, but others are not. Example: the GIW, Maddie, Jack, and Vlad exist, but Danny and Jazz never made it past their childhood. So basically a What-If world or something.

+ Their backstories are somewhat undecided, but basically, something dangerous happened to them in their home dimension and it was so bad that Danny captured all of their souls and put them into paintings so they would live (with the help of Clockwork). However, by doing this, he scattered their souls and paintings throughout the universes and he went crazy from it, and turned himself into a painting too so he could find them. Now his cloned paintings travel and sends itself to other worlds to find his family again, often leading to their destruction from his power.

Or something? Lol

[emoisthenewemu]

"Their Love Ripened with Them" ~ Zoë Hange x F!Reader

"Seldom had two people loved more than they did; they loved with an ardour undiminished by time; as they ripened, so their love ripened with them" Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness

WC: 11.1k (oops)

A/N: OOOWHEEEE this story has been sitting close to a YRRR (i did forget ab it for half of that time). lowk inspired by the well of loneliness only bc i was reliving my sapphic literature phase. wow i have been so excited to post this because i had to take my time it's so special to me. i wanted true wlw YEARNING, as a catholic bisexual this hit deep. Zoë Hange you will always own a piece of my heart.

CW: LESBIAN ANGST, YEARNING, Hange is kinda fluid in their gender (she/they) and is referred to using both pronouns, homophobia (readers family is extremely conservative), Zoë is poked fun at for being 'weird', marriage to a MAN, man hating, curse words, slightt suggestiveness, CHEATING, crying, breakups, PAIN, cliffhanger ending

PT2 COMING SOON!!

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Zoë Hange has been single all of their life. Always being told you're 'too much' or 'weird' or 'freaky' can weigh a person down, so much so to the point where you might believe what everyone has been saying is true. Yes, Zoë agrees they are too much for any sane person to handle-Lord knows they wouldn't want to put up with them self so why would anyone else? Once they reached adulthood, they never had the desire to marry-even date as all of their comrades began to create their own family and settle down Zoë did nothing but watch. Thanking Sheena that they have never found themself in such a predicament. Being a Scout was busy work anyways; it did not leave time for much else. Especially for a person like Zoë who spent all of their free time locked away thinking up new experiments. They were secure in being single.

That's not to say they do not find people attractive. Hange is quite the woman-lover. Some men are fortunate enough to catch her eye, but in those cases, it has to be very specific and even then slightest thing can turn them off.

Women are a different story.

Women are soft and pretty. They smell good and have sweet voices. Women are Zoë's only weakness, the only thing which could ever deviate their laser-focused attention on all things titan. They would never be irresponsible about it of course, but even the hardest working soldiers deserve a break sometimes.

That is exactly why they have found themselves visiting a little bakery on the outskirts of the district. Erwin has been raving about their pastries and Zoe has decided they need to find out if they are as good as he says they are. Levi has joined them, mostly because he was forced by his Commander to socialize and take a break from all the training every once in a while. He remains quiet as Zoë blabbers both of the men's ears off talking about their notes on the latest expeditions.

"How did you come across this place anyways?" Zoë cannot help but question, it's very out of the way when you consider Erwin's usual route to go back home and visit family.

"One of the MP's recommended it to me. His girlfriend has been working here since it opened"

"MP?" Levi questions. "Then it's gonna be shit"

The bell above the door rings as you take some freshly made buns out of the oven, causing you to wipe off all of the flour from your hands. You go to greet your newest customers, shocked to find three members of the Scout Regiment in front of you. Erwin, you have met before, thanks to your boyfriend he now frequents your shop. And Levi you have heard about of course, he is Humanity's strongest after all. But the other one, you have no idea.

Your chest tightens at the sight of her. Eyes do a quick scan up and down which you think is not obvious, but Zoë catches on immediately, perhaps because they were doing the same thing to you. "Erwin! You've brought me some customers!"

The man laughs as you make your way to greet him with a friendly hug and he introduces you to the shorter man beside him. But it seems your eyes are elsewhere, stuck on the stranger who makes your chest feel warm. Their ponytail is sticking everywhere, as untamed as the grin which dons their face. A nice white button up with black pants which seem to fit them nicely-oh wow, close your mouth. You're practically drooling.

"This is Squad Leader, Zoë Hange. My right-hand man"

If Zoë had not been so preoccupied on committing your face to memory, they might hold onto the fact that Erwin considers them his 'right-hand man'. They stick out their hand almost comically, their grip is firm. Almost enough to make you wince as you cannot help but look into their wild eyes. There is an unspoken spark between you two, it almost feels like a jolt of electricity beneath your fingertips.

Your hands are soft and warm like the fluffy loafs you had previously popped out of the oven. What a sight you are, Zoë thinks. They always remember how pretty you looked that first day they met you.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Zoë" Your smile is inviting, only drawing the soldier in closer.

"The pleasure's all mine" Their words are accompanied by a not-so-subtle wink that makes you chuckle, cheeks warming up from all the body heat trapped in the room, yea-that's what it is.

Their visit is pleasant, although you and Zoë do most of the talking. They ask how early you must have to wake up in the mornings to prepare the dough and you tell them you arrive before the sun is even up. You talk all about the old lady who owns the shop that can no longer handle it by herself, how you spend most days as the one of the only employees because it is rare to see the frail woman out of bed these days. And they listen, Erwin throws in an occasional comment or two, but it is clear Zoë is in charge of the conversation. They never fail to find a new thing to bring up. They talk your ear off until it is time for them to leave and you would be lying if you said you weren't sad to see them go.

They give you a firm hug-chests pressed together as you take in the scent of their cologne. The scent lingers in your mind as you close up later that night, you swear it smells like they are still there.

"Oh, thank Sheena you made me shower before I left Erwin! I think we just found the love of my life!" Zoë swoons.

The man laughs, he knew you were a nice young lady. Which is why he had the decency to dousing his squad leader in cologne before they left for town. He'll be damned if his soldiers are walking around smelly and making him look bad. And Zoë thanks him because they are certain you took a big sniff when the two of you were hugging goodbye. "Forgive me for saying this Hange but I fear you're not her type" Erwin tries to let them down easy.

Zoë freezes, both of the men stalling to look back at their offended friend. "Oh please! I know a woman lover when I see one!"

Levi scoffs, ever-so-blunt. "I thought you weren't a woman"

"I'd rather be a woman than a man!"

Erwin laughs at his boisterous comrade, a part of him dares to feed into their delusions. "She did seem quite talkative today. I've never had such a long conversation with her"

"Thought you said she has a boyfriend" Levi interjects.

Zoë can only laugh. "He's an MP! MPs don't know how to treat a lady!"

"And you do?"

"Yes, I'm quite familiar" Zoë adjusts the glasses on their face, a devious smirk begins to grow. It seems you have lit a fire in their soul, for the first time in a long time they crave something. Someone. And Hange always gets what they want, they'll scheme if they have to.

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It takes two more visits over the course of a month before Hange is absolutely certain you are not as 'straight' as you pretend to be. Every time you are just as friendly and inviting as before, it doesn't seem to bother you that they stay longer than the average customer. But even then, all of the conversations are very surface level, almost like both of you are afraid to take it any further. You even send them back home with a few extra treats-you were going to throw them away anyways. So, you don't charge the soldier, you insist their presence is enough payment.

It is a lonely life you live. You've come to tell Hange all about it. How you are your parents only child and the only thing they have ever wanted for you is to get married and start a family. Your father is a very traditional man, he believes men have a role as the head of the household, they are the protectors and decision makers. And it is your job as a woman to keep your man happy, to maintain a clean house and ensure there is dinner on the table every night. He did not let you go to school like you wanted; to study medicine and it was not like you could afford it yourself at the time. You have the money now though and you admit to Hange that sometimes you think about getting an education in secret-to make something of yourself.

"Honestly, it makes me kind of sick. I love my dad but sometimes I feel like the only thing he thinks I'm good for is to be a wife" You speak honestly, you do not know how you found yourself so comfortable with the soldier. You have never told anyone about wanting to go to school, just Hange.

"I'm afraid it's a generation thing. My folks were the same way" Zoë admits between bites of pastry, small crumbles falling from their lips. "But you should go to school, it's not right to live your life for someone else"

Those words hit particularly hard, a slight twinge in your chest because it is so much deeper than you let on. How you have spent your life ignoring a fact you know to be true-one that would make your father ashamed you were ever born. And you are so lost in thought that you remain silent for a while, picking at the skin of your nails. This is the deepest your conversations have ever gone, and a part of you wonders why they would even care. "Oh, I don't know...probably too late to start now"

Your eyes meet and you extend a hand to their shoulder, rubbing it graciously. "Thank you for listening to me Hange...lately it feels like no one does"

"What about your boyfriend?" Zoë has been waiting weeks to ask that question. The shock on your face is evident. "I mean-doesn't he listen to you?"

You are a bit taken aback that Zoë knows about him because you had failed to mention anything about your relationship until now. You knew you did it on purpose but weren't ready to admit it. You were probably naive to think Erwin hadn't mentioned it before. But honestly you hadn't thought about him in weeks. You laugh at the thought that he would be open to talking about your feelings. "I hardly ever see him anymore...and he's not much of a talker"

"Well why not? Doesn't he come and visit?"

The Sun is starting to go down and you are starting to clean up, but you don't mind Zoë's presence. You cannot remember the last time it felt like someone was interested in what you had to say. "He's very busy...but if he gets promoted then he says he'll move me out there with him"

"Is that what you want?"

You pause your movements, nails digging into the wood of the broomstick. "Sure" It was always your father's dream to live inside wall Sheena, to give you and your mother 'the life you deserve'.

Zoë laughs. "I'm not convinced".

You mimic the smile on their face, teasing as you turn your head to get a better look at them. "And what do you want Hange? Enough of me. I'd like to know what your future entails"

"Hmm" It is clear that Zoë takes your question very seriously, eyebrows furrowed in thought as they bring up a hand to their chin. "I'd have to keep you the rest of the night to tell you about everything I want, sweetheart"

Your eyebrows raise at the nickname, the smile on your face fails to drop. "We can save it for next time then"

Zoë is fetching their coat, painfully aware of the fact that they have a long trek ahead of them. But it's worth it, this is the most relaxed they've been in weeks. It feels like they can forget the stress which eats away at them most nights, the thoughts of every single comrade they failed to save. Over here things are not hectic, they have no responsibility. To be able to kick their feet up and chat with a pretty lady, being fed sweets which will most definitely give them a headache in the long run-it doesn't get much better than this. "Until next time, YN. I will get my list started of all my hopes and dreams now"

"You better" You walk them to the front of the shop, a shy smile on your face. Ignoring the pit in your chest because you don't want them to go. The second Zoë leaves you will go back to the same monotonous routine you've done for the past nine years. You will get up at the same time every morning, step into the same tattered clothes because there is not much point in trying to impress people these days-you'd just get covered in flour anyways. On your days off you visit your parents and make them dinner, maybe read a book or write a letter to your boyfriend. You greet the same customers every week and prepare the same things, sometimes it feels like and endless loop you will never escape.

"I'll be waiting for you, Hange" You give them a hug, their arm rests comfortably around your waist. It creates butterflies in your stomach as you pull away slightly to look them in the eye one more time.

"Zoë" They insist. It would sound so lovely coming out of your mouth. "Call me Zoë"

"Goodnight Zoë" You push the bag of pastries into their chest, they almost forgot to take it home. "Get home safe"

You have given Zoë something to think about. What is their end goal? What is the point to everything they do?

What do I want?

Zoë thinks aloud as if the horse were going to provide an answer. It is a bit of a loaded question; they meant it when they said it would take all night to answer. There are many things Zoë wants; to find out what's truly on the other side of the walls, where Titans even come from in the first place. To find the right way to avenge all those who died for the cause, to make their sacrifice meaningful. However (selfish as it may be), atop the list of Zoë Hange's wants and needs sits one very special person.

You.

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The next time you almost see each other you are unaware that Hange has been working up a scheme of sorts against you. To prove it to their comrades (but mostly themself) that you indeed are interested in women-that Hange may actually have a chance with you. Levi and Moblit think Hange is full of it. However, Erwin and Nanaba seem to believe in their enamored friend. They want to be optimistic about things and Erwin is well aware that your MP boyfriend has been neglecting you anyways, why shouldn't his friend be there to pick up the pieces?

Zoë has even managed to bring some of Levi's squad into the middle of all this-well just one in particular. Petra is going to be their 'bait' for today. And she is more than happy to even be involved-it is evident in her face as she skips along with a few of her superiors. They walk and talk as Hange applies some rouge to the young Scout's lips.

"I can't believe you managed to drag Petra into this stupid little plan of yours" Levi grumbles. "Do you not find it demeaning?" He asks the woman whose corset would burst had it been done any tighter.

"Demeaning?! I'm flattered that I was the first hot girl Hange could think of!" Petra means it, truly.

The man only sighs, regretting entertaining such childish antics by tagging along. The only reason was to stop by a bookstore around the corner and he did not really feel like walking around town by himself. Definitely not because he was being nosey and wanted watch how it all plays out.

Once they reach the corner by your comfy little bakery, Hange stops-pushing the two women towards the shop. Zoë insists they must not tag along or else you will suspect their little rouse. It is essential. Levi calls it stupid. Forcing sweet innocent Petra to go in there and flirt with you, galivant around in some tight dress. It was offensive to both of you-to women all throughout the walls really. But it seemed Hange's rose-colored glasses were causing them to go blind and there was not much anyone could say to stop them. Perhaps it was a distraction from all of the carnage they had been suffering back home. Maybe he should indulge in his friend whom he knows has not slept in days. They go to his bookstore, but Zoë's mind has clearly not joined them-their eyes constantly darting towards the door as if they were expecting you to walk right through it.

It's so serious that Zoë is willing to miss out on seeing your face, just this one week. It wouldn't help out with the experiment, scientifically speaking. And Levi reminds them that they are stupid for not just going in there to talk to you as Hange whines on their way back about how much they miss you. "Call me crazy, but what if you just ask her out on a date?"

"You're crazy!" Hange laughs and Levi rolls his eyes, purposefully walking forward because he knows Zoë would not dare step into your line of sight.

Finally, some peace and quiet, he sighs. How did he find himself in the midst of such lowly behavior? The door to your shop swings open and he watches Nanaba and Petra say their farewells. Things seem friendly-nothing worth noting. You even get a glimpse of him, waving because it is simply in your nature to be so amicable. This plan was definitely a bust, even if the women do think you were flirting back who's to say you were not just being nice? He waves back, slightly shaking his head because he will now have to hear about the disappointment of it all on the horse ride home.

Then Petra drops something, he's not sure what exactly fell to the ground because if he was being honest his eyes are elsewhere. He looks away for a few seconds only to meet you in some awkward eye contact as you realize the both of you caught each other gawking at the very same thing. Levi walks away swiftly, not even offering a goodbye as he tries to catch up to his fellow soldiers who are now several steps ahead of him.

"I'm telling you Hange! I was laying it on! And she did not seem interested at all, she was asking about you the whole time!"

"She even sent us some extra bread rolls for you-" Nanaba is cut off by Hange snatching the bread out of the bag.

"So, what does this mean?!" They ask in between mouthfuls.

"It means I lost my touch" Petra whines, slightly insulted that her charm had not worked.

"I think it means she likes you" Nanaba ignores her sulking friend.

"But it is it as a friend?! Or could it be more?"

Levi had to squeeze his way through a crowd of people that had somehow magically appeared. Now picking up the pace to try and tell his fellow soldiers about his latest discovery. It is not long before he runs up in front of them, halting the group's movements. "Hange! You were right! YN's a woman lover!"

"Huh?"

"I caught her looking at Petra's ass when she bent over" He sounds almost proud of himself.

"Really?!" Hange and Petra squeal in unison, it is not clear who is more excited at the revelation.

Petra has a sudden blush to her face. "Wait Captain! Does that mean you were looking too?" The way they all fall into a fit of laughter certainly does not help his case, ears turning pink due to the embarrassment.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

When Hange is gone you miss them. Their presence, wild eyes and at times questionable jokes. You always laugh at their jokes though, so you aren't sure who the weird one is supposed to be. They only have the time to come around once every other weekend (if that). You count the days as they go by, eighteen days have passed since their last visit, so you are eagerly awaiting their arrival by the time Saturday morning comes. Their friends from last weekend assured you that Hange would be off today. But it is far past afternoon, and they have yet to set foot in your shop, usually they are one of your first customers of the day.

The bell above the door rings and you unashamedly run out of the kitchen, expecting that excited smile you had grown so accustomed to.

Instead, you come to face your boyfriend in his uniform, for some reason your face slightly drops. A sudden weight in your chest as you step forward to greet him. He kisses you and you feel nothing, an unfamiliar ache in your heart as you pull away. "James, I-I had no idea you would be visiting"

You subconsciously flatten your skirt, swatting at your hair in an attempt to make yourself look a bit more presentable. You have not looked your best lately-you can admit that. "Would have fixed myself up a bit more" You chuckle as he places a quick peck to your lips.

"Aw don't worry about that, darling. It looks like it has been a long day" He rubs your arm soothingly.

The MPs are in town, due to some renovations in their living quarters. They are visiting family, planning to go out and make the most of the opportunity of having a few days off. It seems your boyfriend has plans at a pub nearby-most of his MP friends will be in attendance and they are so excited that they even invited the Scouts. You almost choke on your tea at that revelation, now home as you multi-task. Going between powdering your face and enjoying the hot liquid because for some reason you feel so cold. You sigh, looking at James who blabbers on about how he is getting closer to the King and expects to climb the ranks any day now. He is good to you, although a bit neglectful, he has never disrespected you. Nor has he made you cry or even argued with you really. Maybe it was because you did not care enough to argue, to pout when things do not go your way. He never asked for your opinion anyways, it was always about him. But you did not mind because you did not even know yourself-you could never bare your soul to a man who would not understand. Being with James was convenient for both of you, it made him look good because he had someone to talk about, a beautiful woman to bring to all the military events who did not ask for much.

And you are using him even more than he is using you. Using him to keep your parents off your back about being single for so long, although they do still constantly ask when you will be engaged. The thought makes you shudder, even the idea of marrying a man makes you feel ill. But it is what your father wants. And he is the only man in your life who genuinely cares for you, bigotry aside.

James is handsome and has a good job. One that ensures he does not invade your privacy or personal life. He was kept away at a distance, which made you happier than actually seeing him. You try not to think about the day where you inevitably have to move in together. 

That is all you think about on the walk over; hair now done and dressed all pretty the way you know James likes. You are noticeably fidgeting; the man grabs your hand in an attempt to comfort your nerves. "I have no idea why you look so nervous.... I thought you would be excited" He half mumbles that last part but you catch it.

"Why would I be excited?! All of your friends' wives look down on me like I'm some charity case" You grumble, throwing his hand off of yours. Most of them grew up rich and the others are wasting all of their time pretending they lived the same way. Whenever you are around them you can feel the venom of their glare, jealousy? Envy? You aren't sure what has caused it, but it has always been clear they do not like you.

"I thought you made friends with the Scouts!"

"Who told you that?!" You do not mean to sound so defensive.

"Erwin! What's the big deal?!" He slightly raises his voice, causing the people around you to turn their heads over for a look.

You fall silent, averting his gaze. "Nothing" You sigh.

"If anything, I'm happy you're finally making some friends. Don't have to complain about how lonely you are" He did not mean for it to sound as backhanded as it did. You take offense to the comment and huff, slapping away the hand which tugs at your coat.

Picking up the pace, you find yourself several steps ahead of him, taking a deep breath as your eyes dart around the multiple Soldiers surrounding the area. It seemed like half of the King's entire army had been invited. You find yourself wondering, apprehensive at the thought of the familiar face you wished to see most in the world. And then it appeared.

James had finally caught up with you, not that you noticed the arm snaking around your waist as he prepared to enter the pub. Clearly, you had other plans. He almost trips over his own feet at the resistance of your body as he tries to tug you along. You remain frozen like a statue, head cocked in the complete opposite direction ever since you caught sight of that unruly mocha hair. You almost fail to notice the fact that it is the most genuine smile which crossed your face all day-a familiar warmth spreading throughout your chest.

"YN!" Zoë Hange's voice is a shout from the heavens above, the way it immediately brings you back to life.

"Oh, don't mind me, James I'll catch up with you soon" You do not fail to catch the surprised look on his face, almost judgmental with a raised brow. "What?"

"Hange? You've made friends with Hange?"

You're completely dumbfounded at the reaction. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Err....she's a little weird, don't you think? Not the kind of company I would expect you to keep"

You gasp at his words, shoving him in the chest perhaps a bit harder than intended. "No! I think they're brilliant!"

James speaks in a condescending tone. "Whatever that means"

You march off with a groan. You can't believe how much of an ass he is being. And about Hange of all people, a person who (in your eyes) has never done a thing wrong in their life. As careless as that thought may be, you know their every waking moment is spent trying to protect the people they care about-the people living behind the walls. You aren't sure you can say the same about James. Hange notices the defeated look on your face, immediately on guard. "What's wrong?" They ask as soon as you are within earshot.

"Come with me"

You drag Zoe away without an explanation, grabbing them by the wrist and completely missing the way they look back at their comrades-a gleeful expression as they give a thumbs-up. They almost want to beg their friends to wish the two of you good luck. Levi and Erwin are completely dumbfounded, although the Commander feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest.

You drag Zoe to the only thing you have that is all yours. The place you disappear off to when times are tough, and you need to feel like the only person left in the World. It always feels that way, that you are alone in the things you try to hide. You have not shared it with another soul. A clearing at the edge of a farm you visit on an almost weekly basis. If you walk all the way out to the edge and hop the fence it gets so quiet the only thing you can hear is the distant mooing of cows and the sound of your own breath. The first time you found this place was when you swore at twelve years old that you were running away. After your father caught you kissing a girl from across the street.

You laugh at the memory; you thought your life was over. That you should just curl up into a ball and die. The reality of it was that you returned home the next morning and the two of you never mentioned it again. You also never dared to indulge in that urge ever again.

"You planning to murder me out here?" Zoë finally speaks, easing the tension. Your body relaxes, slumping back against the fence you insist they climb over to get the whole experience. It's not worth stargazing through gaps of wood.

"You've caught on to my plan" You joke, leaning forward in an attempt to be menacing. As if Hange could ever fear you. "Although I would be screwing myself over if I murdered my only friend"

"My devilish charm strikes again" They smile, revealing the steel flask Erwin had gifted them before arriving at the pub. He insists they should drink that first, so they do not have to spend as much money on beer, resourceful as ever.

But the two of you have it now and it does not take long for the liquid to come pouring out. Passed between the both of you as you share your deepest regret; ever getting into a relationship with James in the first place. You are not sure when you began talking about him, or how the topic was even brought up in the first place. You are almost certain Zoë did not ask but for some reason you tell them. You admit that it is all just a facade, you are trying to prove something to yourself more than genuinely put an effort into the relationship. By the time you find the right words the flask is empty as the ache in your heart. "I care about him but it just.... doesn't feel right"

Zoë looks at you knowingly, they feel it too. That ache of not knowing what it is your soul is after. The confusion of being told one thing but wanting another. How isolating it can be. You cannot say what it is that you find so captivating about them. Incapable of explaining the heat which fills your entire body as they eat you alive with their gaze. The tantalization which has plagued your entire life sits right in front of you, a direct reflection of everything you want.

Someone soft and pure who understands. Who takes over your mind, body and soul, stimulates your senses. Never has a simple look said so much.

"But things have always been like that. I have never truly connected with anyone" You add on, not so subtly shuffling your body closer. The cool blades of grass tickle at the exposed area of your shin, reminding you of the harsh winter air. You really should have dressed warmer for the occasion. "My whole life has felt like one big question even I don't know the answer to"

Zoë Hange takes the initiative to rest a hand on your thigh, looking into your eyes intently. They want you to understand how deeply they hear you, that they have listened to every word you've said since meeting you. They would wait a million years for this very moment, for the time when all the stars aligned, and it finally felt right. Another hand brings itself up to brush a strand behind your ear and you lean into their touch, fingers softly running down the wrist which supports your head. Moving closer than ever, Hange takes a deep breath in-resting their forehead atop yours. "I hear you YN. I can't tell you the numbers of nights I lay awake wondering what made me the way I am"

The moment is so tender and sincere you could cry. Moving your face closer to theirs, you nudge your nose against theirs so slow and deliberate it could come off as if you were doing it on purpose. Truth is, every movement is involuntary, like something had taken over and wants to devour every second spent like this.

Take your time. Make it last.

It is all you can think for fear that it may not ever happen again.

Zoë cannot hold out any longer, crashing their lips against yours in a hungry fury. They've dreamt about the way your lips taste, but it was not nearly as good as the real thing. No, this is perfect. So much more than they can imagine. Small whines and sound of lips smacking beneath the twinkling stars. Two bodies of forbidden lovers moving in sync, gnawing and clawing at each other so needy there is no room to breathe. Zoë does not allow you to catch your breath-they can be your source of oxygen, swallowing every huff you attempt to let out. They cannot let you go; you may never come back.

They grip at your hips and thighs, squeezing a particular spot that makes you squeal. "Hange!" Your laugh is again, swallowed by their mouth.

They groan, biting your lip because they now know they would much rather hear you moan their name than simply just say it. You allow them to pull you into their lap. You encourage their hands to roam as they please, granting Zoë access to every inch of your body.

And then you pull at the disheveled brown mop atop their head, causing the sexiest most pathetic whimper you've ever heard leave Hange's lips. You whisper their name, tugging again before rolling your tongue against Zoë's.

They do not need to be convinced before ravishing you with love bites, not caring what might be left of you when they finish. If anything, that makes it better, they hope your stupid boyfriend sees it.

Rocking you in their lap, the two of you continue to kiss until your lips feel swollen and tingly. Until both of your hairs are knotted messes from all the tugging and the necklines of both of your tops are extremely disheveled. "Oh Zoë" You whine into their lips, kisses growing softer but still full of need and desire. "You have no idea how bad I wanted this" You suck at their bottom lip selfishly. You cannot get enough.

"Me too YN" They gasp when you nibble a bit at their earlobe, it sends jolts of electricity down their body. "I nearly prayed for a chance to feel your body against mine"

Never has a kiss been so satisfying, been able to feed the craving which ate at you for years. It feels like it could be enough to power you through another month of the dull cycle that is your life. "I've been so selfish..." You pout, redoing the buttons you had frantically pulled apart moments before.

You kiss their jaw, then their neck, and collarbone. "Please, I have done more than enough talking" You peck their lips again before taking their face into your hands adoringly. "I'd like to know everything about you"

When you get home hours later, swollen lips and covered in marks your boyfriend does not notice. You find him passed out in the couch of your living room; half dressed. It seems he walked home drunk and gave up before making it into the bedroom, which was only a few steps away. You almost feel guilty for the contempt that fills you as you watch him sleep, almost disgusted with the way he's presented himself.

You hate him. You hate all men.

Maybe not all, most would be fair to say. They fill you with rage and disgust. They make you want to throw up.

They make you want to cry. You cry as you stare at the man whom you are supposed to love but suddenly feel nothing for. The one you are done trying to convince yourself that you like. He does not please you, or satisfy you, or even support you.

He is just there. Taking up space. And worst of all, you let him. The man you have known for years is suddenly a stranger in your house, your space which you have so carefully built. Not even your home is safe from the wrath of man.

You cry until it feels like you might pass out, the weight of it all finally kicking in. That you have to make a decision one day. The decision to please your family and do what is expected of you.

Or the decision to be free.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

Hange remains the only harbinger of peace in your life. The next time the two of you see each other it is much different than the others. Usually, they would come bright and early, spend the whole day with you and return once the Sun goes down. But this time they arrive an hour before you close-a surprise to you seeing as you expected them to not even show up once the clock passed ten thirty. You figured they must be busy. But they arrive with a smile bigger than ever, if that was possible.

And instead of your usual friendly greeting they take a look around, ensuring there are no customers in sight before stepping forward and enveloping you in a hug that makes you forget all about the struggles of your everyday life. In Zoë's arms you feel so safe and protected, you feel like yourself. And then they kiss you, firm and excitedly. Almost messy with the movements of your lips, so much so that you giggle against them.

"Was that okay?" They ask for fear that they may be coming on too strong. Perhaps that kiss in the field was supposed to be a one-time thing.

Instead, you flash your pearly whites, eyes glazed over with something that is not lust. Much stronger than want or need. You pull them by the collar of their shirt and kiss them again, wrapping your arms around their neck as you stand on your tiptoes to reach more of them. "What a silly question" You tease, lips pulled apart but still fully embracing each other. "I fear that I've thought about your lips more than anything else this past week"

"Fine by me" Zoë insists before another peck of their lips. But they are fidgety, shifting with your body in their arms as their eyes dart all around.

"What is it?" You whisper, bringing their gaze back to you with a finger on their chin as you become suddenly aware that it is growing dark out. "And what brings you here so late?"

"I was hoping..." Zoë starts, pausing lightly to look down at their feet. The fear of being too forward is stuck in their head. The last thing they need to do is scare you off the way they have done to everyone their whole life.

"That it would be okay if I accompany you back to your house today?"

You are the first person who has looked at them without an ounce of doubt. Hange realizes that as the corner of your lips tug up into a smile. What a wonderful feeling that is, to be accepted completely. "Of course you can"

From then on, Hange's visits take place at your house rather than the bakery. You talk and eat dinner together; on occasion they will bring a fancy wine courtesy of some random civilian who wanted to thank the Section Commander for all their hard work. Being a Scout has its perks sometimes.

It is one of the only benefits. Zoë is suddenly aware of how much free time they fail to have. Time that could be spent with you. But they manage, waiting weeks for the opportunity to simply enjoy your presence. Sometimes you talk each other's ears off. No single topic in mind, just mindless rambling about anything you think of. Others are more quiet, spent in each other's arms comfortably. And neither of you dare speak of what this all could mean for your relationship.

The only thing which confounds Zoë is why you ever allowed them into your life in the first place. Hange is not great on first impressions, or second, or thirds.

So why did it all come so easy with you? How did the conversation flow so naturally within moments of meeting you? Is this how everyone who's ever fallen in love feels?

So many questions. Especially because Zoë knows better than to let her mind wander on the topic of you. You have a boyfriend and will likely become his wife. This is all temporary. And they would rather not think of the day when they have to move on. Being so secretive makes it exciting, more personal because no one else is aware of whatever you have going on between the two of you. These moments of serenity belong to you and Hange only.

You find yourself in the warmth of their embrace, cuddled over on your side of the bed although there is plenty of empty space. They just need to be touching you, no gap of space to be found. They want to die knowing they have touched every inch of your skin. "YN?"

"Yes, my dear?" You laugh because you have no idea why they are whispering.

My dear. You aren't sure when you started calling Zoë that, but it just rolls off your tongue perfectly. It also makes your lovers ears perk up in excitement each time. "Can I just say I still cannot believe we get to do this...I mean, most people would not take you for a woman lover"

You snort aloud, sitting up in bed. "A woman lover? What are you?! 12?" You ask, slightly offended but a twinge of jest to your tone. Your eyes sparkle in the way you look at them, creases forming at the corners.

"It's just...it all seemed so silly at first. I never thought there was a chance you could actually like me" They mean it truly. They cannot begin to count the number of times they had been pushed away by their peers, being called delusional for ever thinking they could get somewhere in life. "No one likes me"

"I do" You pout. It pains you to hear how low they think of themselves. "I like you very much Zoë. You are brilliant and strong. Sophisticated yet playful. Brave and beautiful. You are everything I enjoy in a person"

Zoë could cry at your words, but they don't. Instead, they hold you tighter with a kiss to your head, you may be the only person alive who has ever admired them in such a way. "I enjoy you more my dearest Schatz. I would do anything for you"

They would even break off that stupid relationship you're in and marry you.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

It has been over a month since the last time you saw Zoë. You have sent many letters but have yet to receive any back. The Scouts left for an expedition, and it is proving to be far lengthier than most. This worries you because no one has heard from them. Or maybe they have, and the rest of the regiment is just keeping it under wraps. You suppose that would make sense. It just could not have happened at a worse time. The shop is slower than usual, weather is growing harsher, and you are certain that James is going to propose soon. And worst of all, your father is sick.

You feel so alone and lost. Especially now that your father has grown ill. You spend most nights helping look after him. Your mother is unwell, clearly not in her right mind to take care of her husband whom she spent decades with. It seems she cannot take the pain of watching her lover deteriorate into a shell of what he once was. But they are lucky to have you. Playing the role of the devoted daughter as well as you always have. They would always brag to their friends about how good of a girl you are.

You give him medicine and feed him, bathe and change him. He seems to even have lost a bit of his mind, constantly making sly comments about how he will die without any grandchildren. You ignore his words each time, but they remain in your head as the days go by.

You feel like a terrible daughter. Like you have failed to do the only thing he has ever asked of you. As if you needed any more pressure to conform. James even visits when he can. A sentiment which you appreciate more than he will ever know.

That was until you overhear a conversation with your father; one your life would be much more peaceful without.

Their words play in your head even later that night as you write Zoë her fifth letter of the month. Maybe you are just crazy-obsessive. Maybe you are using them as a coping mechanism, time with Zoë is your only escape. You end the letter off with a warning, a fat droplet falls from your eye and hits the page. It smears the last few words clean off.

I overheard James asking Father for my hand in marriage.

Zoë is exhausted and ashamed when they finally arrive back home. Everyone blames them for the failure that was their expedition. Many lives lost all for them to nab a stupid titan. One that they ended up having to kill anyways when it broke free of their restraints. One month of their lives wasted. Well not to Zoë, they collected some very valuable data that will be of use for the next time they dare venture out of the walls. Though they will have to wait for the newest batch of cadets to arrive, seeing as The Scouts are coming back home with less soldiers than they left with. No one cares about Zoë's stupid experiments; they just want their friends back.

Erwin pats them on the back, assuring that it was all worth it in the end. The only way out is forward-or something like that. Hange was not really paying attention if she's being honest. Kicking off their boots in the comfort of their own living quarters they come to find a stack of letters from you.

Thinking about how lucky they are to have someone who actually writes to them, Zoë opens the one on top with a smile on their face. This one seems to be the newest, but they cannot be too bothered to read them in order. They just need to hear what you have to say. You bring Zoë comfort.

However, that comfort is completely erased as they take in your words. Each line seems to grow even more abysmal as you go on about all of your misfortune and worries. Zoë's brows furrow as it becomes clear to them that they were gone in the moments you needed them most. All areas of your life have seemed to come crashing down. They begin to grow ill as they read the last line, standing up and clutching their desk so hard the wood begins to splinter beneath their nails.

They put their coat on, still with the letter in hand and march out to the halls. Unaware of where they are even going, they just need to pace. And breathe. They go all the way up to the rooftop-where the harsh winter air sends goosebumps all over their skin. Panting as they hunch over the ledge. For a moment it feels as if they may vomit.

"You don't plan on jumping off, do you?" Erwin's voice snaps them out of it, their body jolts at the sudden sound.

"You scared me" Hange half mumbles.

"My apologies" Erwin nods, taking a few steps closer to Hange who is as pale as the moonlight. He knows exactly why she is out here. "I was looking for you. You weren't in your quarters"

"Needed some fresh air" Zoë almost forgets they are still clutching your letter close to their chest.

"Uh huh" Erwin joins Zoë in leaning against the ledge, looking out into the place they fight so hard every day to protect. It is so peaceful now. You can almost forget that Titans exist in the first place. Almost. "I was catching up on a few things sent in from the MP's....updates and whatnot"

Zoë nods, not entirely sure what he is trying to get at. Well, deep down she probably does know but does not wish to face it. "James Mason has been promoted to one of the King's guards"

Zoë's heart is completely crushed. They want to just double over and fall. But they would never dare look so pathetic in front of anyone, especially their Commander. "What does that have to do with me?"

Erwin sighs, raising an eyebrow as if to ask 'really?'. "We all know he was only waiting to get promoted before asking her to marry him"

Zoë is silent for a while, they consider wishing the two of you luck, but they cannot force the words out of their mouth if they tried. So, they give up, with a sigh that comes from a place deep within their chest. "How did you-"

"Do not take me for a fool" He laughs, attempting to lighten up the mood although it may be impossible. "You spent months obsessing over this woman and all of a sudden you just stop talking about her? I knew something was afoot. Not to mention the way you would disappear entirely on your weekends off"

Hange only nods, it feels like they have been caught red handed.

"So, what happened?"

Zoë groans, bringing a hand over their face as they try to rub the dull ache out of their head. "We were.... together"

"Are you still?"

"I would hope so" She admits. "Or maybe I should not have hope" They look down for a while, staring at their shoes and the cobblestone beneath their feet. They imagine it crumbling and their body goes falling right through it-that would certainly put an end to all the distress. "What do you think Erwin? Should I just leave her be?"

"Do you love her?"

That is the million-dollar question Zoë has been unable to answer. Out of nothing but pure fear. They were secure in their feelings for you, certain of how much they liked you. But Erwin is right, does she love you?

It seems the word leaves her lips before her brain can even process it all. "Yes"

"Well then, you better tell her before it is too late"

Zoë nods again, a ball of nothing but anxiety and pure dread in their chest. "How long ago did you receive the news?"

There's a chance they may be too late already.

"One week since the last letter"

The next morning Hange wastes no time before leaving to your district. Stopping by the bakery first, they are more than concerned to find it closed-on a day they are certain you work. Never have they come to find your shop closed. It makes them fear the worst. They make their way to your apartment next, heart pounding and an unfamiliar ringing in their ears. Their nerves are starting to get the better of them. Zoë might just have to stop on the way and throw up. Clutching their chest, their movements are anything but graceful. Quick and rushed, they lose their footing a few times but keep moving forward. Perhaps they should not have left their horse so far behind.

And the closer Zoë gets to you, the more it feels like they can no longer wait. They are unable to hold it in anymore, maybe they should have brought a ring because if you let her go on long enough, she might just propose on the spot. If that will keep you-they would do anything to be yours.

They are about to start running when they see him-James. James looks tired and worn out. He notices Hange almost immediately. "Zoë! Oh, good thing you've stopped by. She's a mess! Maybe you can go talk to her!"

"Huh?" Hange is puzzled, their eyes dart down to his hand which has no ring. That's a good sign at least.

"Her father passed away three mornings ago. Died in his sleep" He states rather bluntly. "I haven't left her side since. But she's running out of food, I was going to stop and get groceries. Maybe you can talk to her? I know she's grown quite fond of you"

"Oh yeah, of course" Hange snaps out of it for a second. The guilt suddenly hits them as they look James in the eye. He looks concerned, genuinely worried for your wellbeing. He was there when you needed him, she wasn't. How can Zoë come to face him knowing all they have done with the woman who is supposed to be his? Maybe they are a bad a person disguised as someone virtuous. "What horrible news"

"Yes" The man sighs, looking to the ground in thought. "We'll likely have to push the Wedding back"

Hange's body has run cold. And the man only stares, for a moment Zoë can't help but wonder if he knows. If he is only bringing it up to prove a point.

They are clearly taken aback by the revelation. "Did she not tell you yet? I figured her closest friend would be the first to know" His voice has a level of irony to it, maybe even a hint of anger.

His eyes have narrowed, something unexplainable beneath them. But Zoë is going to die on the hill that they have done nothing wrong. "Well, I've been gone on an expedition. Just got back"

"And you immediately run off to her apartment" James arms are now crossed. "For what reason? If you truly had no idea about her father either"

"Zoë!" You gasp from the door of your place, initially stepping out for some fresh air. To be able to breathe.

And breathe you may-now that your dear Zoë is in your arms. You clutch them tight and hope to never let go, eyes wound shut for fear they make threaten to spill even more tears. But they do, your bottom lip begins to wobble as they pat your head. Looking at James, their eye contact lingers for a bit before the man walks off, caught in his own personal war.

Zoë's arms remain wrapped around you. They need to touch you. They grab your hand and bring you inside, where nobody will get the chance to see the two of you. "I'm so sorry"

Their words are nothing but a whisper as they take in the state of your apartment. Boxes surround them, a few things seem to be missing. Your couch most importantly. The one the two of you would cuddle up and take naps on.

And then Zoë sees it. A ring on your fourth finger, on your left hand. You hold it close to your body almost as if you were trying to hide it. But in no world would Hange fail to see that.

"You're engaged"

You scoff. "My father is dead"

"And I send my deepest condolences. Losing a parent is one of the hardest days of anyone's life. I truly hope you can find peace in knowing he is at rest" She sounds genuine, swallowing the lump in her throat to be able to speak. "But please do not avoid the obvious"

You stand a shell of the woman you were before, you try to be strong. To be stoic and put on the same mask you have donned since birth practically. But it is the hardest thing you have ever had to do, to look the love of your life in the face and lie to her. Especially when they are the only person you have ever been able to share your truth with. You must share your pain too, it is an ache that blinds all other senses. The world has turned upside down since even before your father died. "He asked two days before he passed" You begin, voice wavering. "My father died happy knowing I was to be a bride"

"Call it off"

"What?!" You clutch the clothing close to your chest. An unseen force pulls your body down, shoulders slumped and heavy with the weight of all your life's problems. "Y-you know I can't do that"

"Why not?" Zoë asks, completely dumbfounded that you are still going to go through with this. Your father was the main factor in why you could never truly live to be yourself. As morbid as it may sound, he is no longer around to stop you. Hange thought your old self would die with him as well. "Go to school! I will support you and we can married when you graduate. I can provide for you YN"

You take a step back, clearly the two of you are not on the same page. "Zoë....my father would be rolling in his grave if he ever knew I was with another woman. And my mother! God my mother, she might just drop dead too" You bring a hand to your head, pulling at the roots of your hair.

Zoë steps closer, bringing a hand up to your cheek. They brush a piece of hair behind your ear. "Plenty of women do it.." They whisper.

"Some" You shake your head, tears in your eyes. "Not plenty....I don't think I can deal with the stares, or the hushed whispers as we walk by! I'm not brave enough for that-I'm sorry!"

"It's who you are. You see that don't you?"

"Of course I do!" You whisper incredulously. "I fear that love may not be enough to save us from the hardships we could face! I would hate for what we have to be soiled by everyone else! I love you now, can't that be enough?!"

Zoë Hange should have stayed home, they understand that in this moment. They should have spared themselves the heartache of knowing the truth. They are shaking, their neck jerks in unnatural way as they take in your words. They should focus on the fact that you are pushing them far away-pushing their love away. But you love her, that is all Zoë hears. "You love me?"

You have fallen silent, refusing to look her in the eye when she steps forward and grabs you. One arm wraps around your waist, the other fervidly grabs your face-pulling you into a kiss full of passion and sorrow. "You love me" They repeat, practically speaking it back into your mouth. They just need to remind you. "You love me and I love you. I will devote my entire being to you until the end of time if you'd let me"

"Zoë-" Your cries are hushed by their lips. And as bad as you want to accept her into your life, you know you cannot. Your fate had already been decided, long ago. "Hange stop! Don't be so selfish! I am lost right now! I'm in no place to make any kind of decision-" You throw their arms off of you, turning away from their lips.

"You already have!" Zoë yells at you for the first time in their life. "You said yes to him so am I supposed to just let that happen?! You expect me to be okay with this?!"

You start to cry,wiping away one tear at a time. But Zoë is not yet finished. "Marriage is not the only option! You can do whatever you please and I will encourage you! I may not be able to protect you from the judgment of others but I can give you every piece of me that I have to offer"

"Zoë" Your voice is a caustic attempt at speech. The pain comes from a place deep within which has festered for years. You sob like a little girl who has lost her new toy, like a child without a mother. "I can't!"

You are hysterical, face hidden in your hands-full of shame. You aren't sure if you are more ashamed of; being a coward or the fact that you were born this way. You asked for none of this suffering, you crave happiness. "I think you should go"

"So that's it? This is how we are ending things?"

The worst part of it all is that you fail to answer although truth is-you couldn't even if you wanted to. You are far too agitated to even speak. Zoë hugs you tightly-you don't hug them back, you can only cry. Hange kisses your forehead and takes a deep breath in, they will soon forget your scent. What an awful thought.

And they cry too. For the rest of the night, until the early hours of the next morning they cry and mourn the loss of you. They knew it was coming, yet could not have been less prepared. It was too late, they were in far too deep. Your love gave Zoë life, what are they to do without it?

It is a sense of loss they are not familiar with. The loss of something that was never truly there. How do you get over something like that? With no prior experiences to connect this to, no set of rules to play by-Hange finds themself feeling hopeless. They do not enjoy change, it makes them feel itchy and uncertain. It controls her thoughts day and night. Every night they go to sleep hoping that by morning, it will all be over. That she will be over you. The weeks begin to blur by, it feels like it was just yesterday when they last saw you.

Yet at the same time it has felt like years, they remember your touch but soon begin to forget the sound of your voice. It is an off putting feeling they do not imagine themself ever growing accustomed to. The only thing they are certain of is that they will never allow themself to be put in a position to be hurt like this again.

When Erwin gets an invitation to your wedding he tries to hide it but Hange is usually the first person in his office during the mornings. They spot it almost immediately.

And then they feel sick for the rest of the week. They cannot focus on anything. Or think properly. Or eat. Most hours are spent staring blankly ahead. It is so bad that Levi of all people is the one to finally say something.

"Hange, the hell's wrong with you?" Levi questions as his comrade's hands shakily fumble with the ODM gear they were supposed to be fixing. Usually the repair process is quite easy, he has watched them glide through piles of trash and turn it into treasure. But on this particular evening it seems to be taking twice as long.

"Nothing" They insist-voice cold and emotionless.

Levi sighs. There is no one else in the world he would do this for, whom he would press further to delve into their personal problems. He has no idea the amount of times he had to stop members of his squad from doing the same thing. He doesn't care about what the hell anyones has going on outside of work-not one to ever ask a question as simple as 'how are you doing?'. But he will tonight because he cares for his friend although it may be painful to admit. "Any chance this has something to do with the fact that Yn is getting married next week?"

"Oh, is she?" Hange halfheartedly mumbles, simply pretending they cannot hear, the same way they pretend that it does not make them feel sick to be apart from you. "Had no idea" Their vision remains focused on the piece of metal in front of them. They very well may burst into tears should Levi continue to press on the matter.

"Damn it" The man groans. He hates this, he's objectively terrible at conversations like these. But he will do it for Zoë. "You can tell me, you know? I mean I was there when it was all just a stupid delusion-I doubted you for a long time. You know that but in the end you were right-the two of you have something special".

"Had"

"Huh?"

"We had something special. Then James got promoted and her father died, and I was gone, and I never even got the chance to hold her one last time-to love her once more. I came back from a month long expedition just to say goodbye" Hange has finally given up on fixing the gear, now resting back on the cold floor as their brain scrambles for ways to make Levi understand. "I will never be fortunate enough to get the closure I need"

"Closure is for dumbasses" Hange scoffs at the man's words. "It's not real, you have to accept what happened no matter what. If you guys had a conversation today would things still remain the same?"

"Yes" Zoë sighs. And that is the end of the conversation, they do not have it in them to argue. Especially on the topic of you which has been exhausted already. Months have been dedicated to you. Hours of pining and reminiscing on every little thing Hange can remember about you. How it gets harder each day to recall those glimpses of ataraxia the two of you shared.

Those days are over, Hange needs to accept it. They sigh, throwing their head into their hands the night grows into morning. Perhaps they just need some rest, maybe a few days off to collect themself. Rather than throw themself into work in an attempt to forget. Before he leaves, Levi is sure to pat Zoë's shoulder.

"You'll be all right Hange. You deserve better"

Maybe they do deserve better than you. They deserve someone whose love will never be a question, who can be honest in their emotion. It gives her a bit of hope, makes it easier to move through the day. That this is not the end all, be all. There is so much more life to live. It was starting to grow pathetic, really. They must face another day, there are still titans to study after all-more expeditions to be sought out.

Love is the last thing which should consume their mind.

The day after you were supposed to be wed is like any other for Hange. They almost forgot that the wedding was supposed to take place this week. It is hard to ignore that thought completely but they try their hardest.

Although that would soon become impossible seeing that you are marching up the stairs of the Scout Regiment Headquarters. Despite multiple protests for you to turn back around. Especially from Levi-who tried to physically stop you.

"They don't wish to see you" He claims, arms crossed as you are brave enough to push Humanity's strongest square in the chest.

You curse at him. "I didn't ask you, shorty!"

He follows you up the stairs, insults escape his lips when he can think them up. You have no idea what you are doing or where you are, calling out Hange's name at each floor as Levi scolds you.

You are surprised he didn't grab you and throw you back down the stairs. You should be grateful, really.

"Don't you have a husband to nag?" Levi scoffs.

"Don't you?!" You spit back and for a moment he looks genuinely offended. "And no! I do not, thank you very much! I didn't go through with it!"

You begin to run, knowing Zoë has mentioned something about being on the top floors. When you feel like you have gone far enough you walk down a hall which you have no clue will lead you to. It just feels right, something inside tells you Zoë is near. Grabbing a young scout who seems to be on cleaning duty, you scream at them.

"Where is Zoë Hange?!"

They point a terrified shaky finger towards the door at the end of the hall. One that leads directly into Zoë's office. You stumble in without a second thought as to what you would say when you arrive. The idea came this morning to pay a visit to Zoë and you just went with it. The need to see her seemed to override anything else.

Zoë looks up from the papers they were previously filling out, mouth agape to meet the sight of you. The only thing which has, in a word-terrorized their mind for months. "Yn what are you doing here?"

You are gasping, clutching your chest as the many flights of stairs is getting to you. Perhaps the adrenaline of showing up unannounced on the person you love the most was wearing off.

"Zoë" You sigh with the heartache of someone wounded. Someone who is dying. "Oh, my Zoë"

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

[uhohdad]

Can’t wait until the aftermath to come out!! By any chance can you give more headcanons on König and reader?? 👀👀

well duh darling i’ve only been waaaaaiting for y’all to ask

‼️ ⚠️ MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE KONIG X READER HUNGER GAMES AU BELOW⚠️ ‼️

• Konig hated the whiskey. hated the taste, hated the smell, hated the way it made his brain foggy. he only drank it on the train bc he thought it would make Reader think he’s cool 😭

• another reason konig didn’t want to go on the balcony is because he’s afraid of heights. he only did it to hang out with Reader

• seeing Reader in a jacket in his size ahbsbxhahhzxb he was so nervous to offer the jacket to her and seeing her drown in it was making him feel some type of way. you’re so small.

• in addition to watching her sleep the night before the games, he also stayed up late on the balcony to watch Reader sleep. felt like a straight creep he did.

• Konig always sits so far away from Reader because he’s terrified of making her uncomfortable, especially after getting turned on when her leg was on his. Also why he was so fucking baffled when Reader had her leg pressed to his on the train. He so badly wanted it to happen again but he didn’t want to push it. And it really speaks to the true elation he felt it when she was still alive at the end it literally brought him to a sprint to pull her in a hug that was tighter than it should have been.

• Konig’s not one to jump to violence, especially after the incident from his past - but when One called Reader a dog he had his fists clenched fs You’re his weak spot dude he’s always ready to throw hands for you. He feels like it’s his duty, especially since he feels the need to repay her for standing up for him. It really shows in (aside from literally killing for her) when he spoke out of turn to Price - something he would never do if it wasn’t concerning Reader. He really gagged the whole dinner table.

• Konig is especially awkward with Price. and vice versa. They don’t really ‘get’ each other. Konig still respects him and his opinion of him, though. He’s much closer with Ruby.

• god he is just so. enamored with Reader. he is just so happy that they have good banter. he just thinks everything she says is the most charming thing ever.

• I don’t think I can stress enough just how jealous our boy was when Titan was flirting with Reader. Nauseous. He had a whole ‘that’s so raven’ day-mare about you and Titan. The thought of him laying his hands on you. And knowing he had just upset you made him believe he just pushed you right into Titan’s arms. So relieved when you started talking shit on him.

• aside from being devastated that she was upset with him about considering allying with the careers, watching reader handle weapons did something to him.

• He feels so lost when you’re upset, and he has a tendency to blame himself and not the whole ‘being sent to your death thing’

• During Konig’s interview, he was sure Reader knew he had a crush on her. He thought the jig was up.

• I almost made Pluck have a full on moment after the interview, the night before the games - like throwing chairs, breaking glasses, and destroying the suite, but it didn’t end up making the final cut it just didn’t seem to flow with the story.

• It took hours for Konig to work up the courage to go to Reader’s room the night before the games - and he still chickened out.

• Konig was just as haunted if not more by Eleven. He could feel his neck snap.

• I’m screaming, crying, throwing up that I can’t give y’all more games fun facts since I don’t wanna spoil The Aftermath

• y’all ain’t gonna like this one but the TRUTH? Konig was sneaking mad looks at Reader at the waterfall when she wasn’t looking. felt like such a creep.

• felt like the luckiest man alive getting to carry her through the desert. what a simp.

• Konig is the love that cannot be reasoned with. Reader is the hate that cannot be reasoned with.

• Konig sacrificed himself because he couldn’t stand the thought of her not living, period. He truly believed she deserved to live more than him. Reader sacrificed herself partially because that was always the plan - but her motivation in regard to Konig was because she didn’t want to live without him. Her motivations were selfish while his were selfless.

• Reader’s spite was her downfall after all. Price warned her not to let it get the best of her and she ended up taking her own life because of it.

‘We’ll see who wakes up tomorrow, Konig.’

more TGWCM fun facts :)

[natsmagi]

some more natsume gender posting but i do admittedly get very annoyed when i see people claim natsume hates things related to femininity because thats just. Blatantly not true. i did make a post a little while back talking about natsumes gender generally (might be a lil dated by now but eh), but there are some additional points id like to make

first thing being natsume very much enjoys more feminine things!! particularly things related to baking/gardening because thats what he would do with his mom when he was little!!!! (plus his newly added skill being cooking!)

with this and his undying love for his mom in mind, does it not make sense for natsume to hold feminine activities fondly? not only is he quite good at it, but it reminds him of his childhood spent with his mom!! he looks up to her alot!! and hes also thankful for the childhood he had because it makes him feel more unique. literally how does any of this read as a hatred towards femininity or his upbringing??? his mom is literally his number 1 inspiration and shes the reason he had this upbringing to begin with. Frankly the assumption that he hates feminine things just flat out does not make sense

and he doesnt even necessarily mind things like "-chan" either. though this one depends entirely on the person. for example kanata is allowed to call natsume nacchan but if tsumugi calls him natsume-chan blood will be spilt. to re-emphasize the point made in my previous post; natsumes biggest concern is being viewed as weak. he hates being infantilized more than anything. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" thats not tsumugi feminizing natsume, thats tsumugi reminiscing on the child natsume he used to know. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" it feels like hes not being taken seriously, that hes still viewed as a child, that he hasnt matured (which is also why he doesnt like being called "cute" bc. yknow. kids r cute). and this is a REALLY big insecurity of his. he hates being viewed as naive. In the same vein though, natsume is insecure about not being manly enough too (such as him viewing his inability to swim as "not manly"). Which is also a really interesting point of discussion when it comes to natsumes character! but its important to note that his insecurity in his masculinity does NOT translate to a hatred of femininity. natsumes relationship with gender is an incredibly nuanced one and its so frustrating when people dont even bother trying to read into it and just completely generalize his character

with that said natsume DOES have some internalized misogyny though. But this ones kinda hard to navigate as. well. Almost the entire cast has had some to a certain extent at some point. esp in the early stories. which could all just be bad writing. But it adds to the complexities of femininity and womanhood, how the two are often associated despite being distinct from one another. and with this distinction between the two it adds ANOTHER interesting layer to natsume and his own relationship with gender, because we know he didnt mind being raised as a girl (its just incredibly fucking embarrassing that people know about it), yet his views on gender seem kind of........ Conservative. with him assuming anzu is bad at games bc shes a girl, claiming arashis lying to kids by calling herself a princess, worried that people will view him as less of a man for being unable to swim, etc etc. Like you truly cannot just read ONE story and think you now have a full grasp on natsume and his relationship with his gender. i cannot stress enough how complex it is. but this complexity is exactly what makes it resonate. if you're insecure, it makes sense for you to develop a toxic habit of punching down in order to get higher, esp since we know natsume doesnt handle his emotions super well

this section will be very speculatory and is just my own personal analyzis, so dont take it as gospel. But from my understanding it seems like natsume does genuinely enjoy more feminine things, but hes caught up in gender expectations (potentially due to him knowing both what its like to be a girl and a guy?) that this can cause him to say admittedly quite bigoted things due to his insecurities. natsume is a character that wants to be perceived a certain way; he wants to be cool, mysterious, alluring, but as we should all know by now This is a front he puts on. he very often puts on fronts and lies about his true nature and intentions. which all reads like a fear of authenticity. i dont think natsume genuinely holds those beliefs previously listed, he is just afraid of being vulnerable and, once again, having weak points exposed. he was told to be a girl when he was little and now hes basically told to be a guy without having the Common Guy Upbringing, which can easily turn into developing beliefs of toxic masculinity if you're the type who "plays the part" rather than being your authentic self. hes being told what a man is by the world around him so he tried to shape himself into it to play the part. He can be very blunt and cruel in his words to others, but i personally just see it as a projection from his end. its an attempt at making himself seem better and manlier than he actually is by using his words where hes lacking in action. You can pull off alot of mind games with a simple sentence alone. words can paint a deceiving picture if used correctly, and natsume is a fortune teller; if anyone knows how to say the right thing to get a certain impression from someone its him

i do also think its important to note that as time goes on natsume is starting to express himself genuinely more. Just like the rest of the enstars cast; his story is one of growth and bettering yourself as a person. coming to terms with who you are and learning to let others in

either way. im not one to gatekeep but i need ppl who dont read switch stories to stop speaking so definitively on natsumes relationship with his gender or im gonna start throwing rocks at people

TLDR this shit is NUANCED and to say its 100% this or 100% that does it a disservice to me

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 37

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Fade to Black by @yokohogawa

Things between Keith and Lance are changing but Keith is restless, especially with Shiro still weak, and ends up taking a bad decision: he leaves Lance alone in the Castle with a Lion he cannot pilot. Unable to form Voltron without the newly appointed Red Paladin, the four Paladins left struggle against the sudden attack of a Galra ship and later on take damage from the explosion of a star in close proximity. Lance, on the other end, is left to defend the Castle by himself and has little time to succeed: without energy, the Lions have only 6 hours of breathable air. Beyond that point, his friends will be dead.

okay yes technically this series is unfinished. HOWEVER the first two works ARE finished, and they are amazing showstopping incredible etc. tbh im not much of a black paladin lance fan, i genuinely think solo leadership is not what he is suited for, but this fic made me way more open to it. the way he handled severe crises was as fear stricken as it was awe inspiring highly recommend

2. once again i am a child by @lilaclavenders

“You’re not a spare tyre,” Adam interjects.  “I know that,” Lance says, too unsure to sound completely defensive.   “That almost sounded like a question.” “No... it didn’t,” Lance says.

Lance and Adam talk.

i have always been a fan of lance and adam even tho its the most evidence lacking fanon thing in this fandom. its truly just so interesting. and to have lance as a young cadet getting slammed so badly just in so many different directions being given at least one grownup in his corner...its a good read.

3. Lance the language man by @irish-vampire-blog

Lance didn't really try to learn a language. He just, kind of, picks up the basics and then works from there. Its usually unintentional. Ish.

He isn't stupid though. He isn't an idiot. He just isn't the same kind of smart as his friends are.

this kind of smart for lance is so REAL bc no he cannot do like quantum physics or whatever probably but the way he seems to have a pretty innate ability to successfully do many things that he tries. he just can u know?? thats the autism with the gay audacity i would imagine but i love seeing fics like this

4. my boyfriend's back (and you're gonna get in trouble) by teacupfulofbrains

hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back

Keith Kogane has never heard of Vine. Lance McClain takes personal offense to this, and makes it his personal mission to teach his boyfriend to meme. Keith is confused, mostly.

(OR: several instances of Keith not getting the meme™ and two times he did)

I LOVE THIS FIC SO BAD I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT RECCED IT BEFORE. yes i am a cringe zillenial who still finds vine funny and quotes it on the internet but truly idc idc. this fic is funny. this fic is cute. established klance my love and light. also keith comparing lances eyes to the star of bombay is some of the gayest shit ever and also the only time i will entertain blue eyed lance

5. The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love by running_downn

Last time something like this happened to Lance, Keith wasn’t there. He’d thought he would have been able to do something if he had been there, or at least if he was, the guilt wouldn’t be so heavy on his chest. But this time he was there. He was right fucking there and he decided that it was infinitly worse.

~

Basically there's a new threat after the Galra and it almost kills Lance. Desperate making out ensues, but it's okay to recognize when it's not the right time for it. Keith cries a lot cause he's older and grizzled and therefore not as emotionally stunted.

green sock reality? team still out fighting as adults and lance isn’t a fucking farmer while the rest of the team isn’t? keith’s abandonment issues treated with respect and dignity and also the acknowledgement that he’s older and therefore mature enough to handle those issues in a way that doesn’t risk a relationship that is important to him? lance understanding all this and using the supportive nature he is known for??? yes yes yes. stellar fic that should have way more hits than it does

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

-

reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

-

watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

-

playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

-

making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand

[cainlane]

after the last episode, i am questioning most of the times cain left her in the lurch during s1 (first the free fall, chased by a "ghost" in the monastery archives, etc.) it seems like he deliberately designs or steers situations that would give lane strong emotional responses to activate her power. and yet, he's always on guard to ensure the experience is controlled and she's ultimately safe (see: standing by while the squad drugs her). this is terrifying. and unfortunately for me—so, so sexy. i am in this cainlane shit for life.

this is so real!!!! i went to rc's reddit today and saw people complaining about how they cannot continue cain's route bc it's too much to handle and let me just say that's weak as FUCK. man became even more sexy after the revelation idc !!!!!! reactions like that surprise me a lot actually bc we've been shown from the beginning that cain's a pretty morally ambiguous character who has some sort of personal goal. yes, he does have genuine feelings for lane but he's also got a callous nature and, as we've seen, he's not above leaving her alone in dangerous situations (however once their bond strengthtens it feels like he's trying to do whatever to make amends for it 😭 as he should). it does get confusing to me personally bc from what i understood cain isn't working with the cult at all, he just used nick as a means to a goal however i've seen some people argue otherwise so i'm really interested in details like that

[yichens]

Hello 🤗 Which were your top 5 moments when you just knew the person on screen was in love?

i'm very sorry i'm a bit late with this but you know, life :'D i thought about this already before but only had the time to make this into a post now!

-

My Top 5 BL WhippedTM Moments

(or where i knew they were in love/feeling something/some type of way about a situation – sorry i took some liberties here)

I. Mork fixing Day's hair in Last Twilight episode 3

i know this doesn't exactly fit (maybe?) bc i cannot say if mork is quite in love here yet but this scene is glorious in showing a character realize they have feelings. the way mork pauses and just keeps stroking day's hair and wondering his face, if he likes it, if he likes him, and then has to snap out of it bc he gets so into his head – it's amazing. i love this scene. and it shows that mork did fall first, argue with the wall.

II. Yai seeing Jom for the first time in I Feel You Linger in the Air episode 1 & 2

sorry i couldn't find the exact moment as a gif so this will have to do. i just love how in the first episode, when yai first sees jom drop into the water from the boat, you can already see he's in love. i never questioned that it wasn't love at first sight for him – bc it so obviously was. he was gone the moment his eyes landed on jom and i really gotta admire the actor (bright? is that his name?) for so perfectly showing that.

III. Jaewon watching Jihyun fall asleep on his shoulder in The Eights Sense episode 2

these two are less obvious about their feelings bc of, well, reasons, but you can see it all here. i know jaewon goes through a journey before really accepting himself and those feelings, but jihyun is so comfortable about his own. but in this moment, you can see jaewon's walls cracking right open. he's extremely fond. and he's happy to have this moment, to be close to jihyun like this. also, i am just weak for sleeping scenes.

IV. Tien watching over Lomfon when he's sick in La Pluie episode 10

this is a perfect scene combining a character being sick, them falling asleep, and another character pining for them. you can see how badly in love tien is with lomfon at this point and it's astounding considering where they started. tien used to hate lomfon's guts with a passion but was the first one to realize and accept his feelings for him. i think in this scene you can see how much it hurts him to feel this way while lomfon is still figuring it all out.

V. Joke digs his own grave with Zo in Hidden Agenda episode 3

it always amuses me to no end when a character who has a secret crush insists on putting themselves into Situations with their secret crush. bc in most occasions, that backfires when they cannot handle those situations. that's joke as a character. and i love this scene for how ridiculous it is bc joke knows what he's doing and then he's the one who runs away from it. he's so stupid. it's adorable.

Bonus: Gun Gawin with Boss Cher in Our Skyy 2 x A Boss and a Babe episode 1

idk i just adore the look gun gives cher any time he has a chance. this man is so gone. he is so content just watching his bf be silly and adorable. you can literally see the hearts in his eyes and the syrup dripping from his lips. what a sap.

-

thank you so much for this ask and happy new year to you!! ♥

[slasher-kashing]

I might be setting up a tent in your ask box bc i feel like you, an addley enjoyer, deserve to know more of my thoughts about him and tell me what you agree/disagree with and give me some of yours I BEEGGG 💋💋💋❤️❤️❤️ @fkcnhatedisco

-left handed (just for funsies)

-likes metal music but ALSO punk/folk punk and some rap sprinkled in there. Can't forget the dad rock

-wanted to be a mechanic when he was a kid until they started listing how many parts he'd have to memorize 😔

- has only ever broken ONE bone, it was his shoulder and he was pissed that it was his right bc he still had to go to school

- I think you were SO ON THE MONEY about him needing to have someone tell him what to do, especially the way he goes about it. But it would HAVE to be someone he trusts/looks up to/respects, otherwise, he'll just get upset

- whines. Nuff said

- um he's a dog !!! If you give him treats when he does something right he's more likely to do it again

-huuggeee cuddler

-Simpsons enjoyer and WILL argue with you if you try to tell him any other adult animated show is better (i like family guy and bobs burgers, we would fight about this constantly)

- tried to learn many things because he thought they were cool (guitar, skateboarding, drums, pottery for some reason ??) But gave up as soon as he stopped improving

- DID actually learn how to use his butterfly knife but he only knows three opens

- likes Edith piaf but ONLY bc she makes him think of his mom

- pothead 💋

- doodler, mostly skulls/knives/worms/boobs/etc

- cannot handle spice, loves sour shit??? ( It's all mouth pain what's the difference)

- really hates seeing people cry bc it's fucking awkward. He would totally just walk away from someone outside of his family that he doesn't have feelings for

Last one: TATTOOS, but only like three and you can't see them when he's wearing clothes

Grabs you and traps you in my ask box. :3

Please, I LOVE headcanons sm, like, yes all of them, drop em. I’m ready at allll times <3

<Addley Koffin Headcanons>

(I am working on that fic, but I am a wee slow at right those!)

WARNINGS: Addley Koffin.. mommy issues.. slasher basic criteria!

I love ALL OF THESEEE!! Now, let me expand on them like the evil gremlin I am.

The left hand… you know how in olden days people used to ‘train’ the ‘left-handedness” out of kids? I bring the idea of Natalie (Mother) trying to do that to Addley— news flash, didn’t exactly work— now he uses his left more dominant hand every chance he gets as his small amount of defiance against her. (Especially when she isn’t looking, he doesn’t want to actually up set her… he’s just a bit of a defiant lil asshole.)

I can see Addley def listening to all those listed, I feel like he would also like songs similar to angry polka— just cause it’s a tad different (think of ‘Sleep is for the weak’ by the Dreadnoughts), he also has like 600 band tees cause I said so— I also feel he is secretly a man of fashion. Have you seen his suspenders? He loves looking cool.

Also the mechanic thing? I CAN SEE ITTTT!!! I headcanon our boy with ADHD.. look at ‘em. All the info would be gone to the wind within’ a few hours if it can’t keep his attention.

I also feel like with broken bones, he literally somehow, while being so damn clumsy and carefree about whatever he does, rarely gets any actual injuries. He’s like that one kid you knew in high school who fell off a roof and all he got was a twisted ankle for a week… that might be true for Addley, ngl.

Also, 100% with the trust thing. For Addley to respect someone’s orders or asks, he MUST have some sort of comfort with that person. Idc— can’t tell me otherwise. He turns into an obedient dog once he feels he can put trust into someone, even if he try’s to defy them in small ways. (See answer one)

I also SOOOO agree with all the doggy traits you give him, he’s like a golden retriever raised to wreak havoc! He does whine at you when you don’t give him what he wants?? Why would you not?? He does everything you said?

He’d love any treat! Even if it’s a sticker, makes him feel so proud once you give him any sort of gratitude. Like yes, my number one person loves me and is so proud of me I got a gift..!

I also feel gifts wise, Addley would be sooo fond of things he could wear. As in; bracelets! Or earrings, anything you make he can wear? Absolutely, he will wear that shit till it breaks.

Also? Simpsons? You’re so fucking real, and I get you. (One of my faves is literally also bobs burgers, 10/10). Addley would definitely make you sit with him once his show EVER comes on the cable channel, he will make you drop everything, begging you. It’s one of the things he genuinely likes doing… just watching TV and not worrying about anything at all. Of course, he’d let you pick a show or movie every now and then… he likes Mr.Pickles… he’ll also sit and watch the Adult Swim channel for hours with you, trust me.

And AGAINNN with the ADHD thing!! Once he sees he won’t improve on a skill or subject he seems to loose interest in it. I feel, however, if you would do anything with him? Of course he would continue to do it??? One of his favorite people wants to do something with him he already knows a bit about! He’d LOVE to teach you how to play guitar, or craft— literally anything, he’s basically a walking multi tool!

His butterfly knife— he lets you put a lil sticker on it. Trust me. LISTEN PLEASE- gets dragged away

I feel like Addley likes a lot of things because of his mother, either because it was forced down his throat, or it just makes him think of her in some way. Mommas boy, through and through. (Even if she terrifies him sometimes..) He most definitely has some rings or something like that of hers, he keeps them pristine!

Pothead? He keeps edibles in a little mint can… shut up, it’s canon. He probably offered Ike one before and got smacked upside the head. (His brother was stressed? He was trynna help him. Damn.)

Doodles.. in my eyes, everyone is a doodler at heart. I feel Addley with genuinely really good at making little bubble comic like graffiti and prints. Like ‘FUCK THIS.’ But it’s all graffiti letters and in red ink. Because he’s just cool like that. (He would soooo love to give you a tattoo… like, by his own hand. It’s a marking from him that will never go away… and he can put it whatever the wants.)(pretty? or just his own name… maybe he’ll give you something cute like a skull with a bow?)

I’m all for Sour head Addley— I’m the same way. I cannot stand certain spices, I’ll die if I eat a hot Cheeto. He’s probably like that, but can eat and entire tub of just pure sour hard candy and then just accept he killed his taste buds like nothing happened. Definitely keeps a pack of sour gummies and offers them to his siblings or you randomly… c’mon… try one… they’re reallyyyy good, not that sour! Trust him.

And crying. If it was a bad situation? He would 100% awkwardly try to hold you, you’re someone he cares about— your crying may make him want to go hide, but it breaks his heart to see anyone he cares about upset. He’s gonna try his damn best to make it stop. He may even try to do something so ridiculous you forget to cry.. definitely did that to his sister before..

If it’s a hostage or victim crying??… he runs away. It’s hard for him to give a shit about them, and it does make him so damn uncomfortable. Addley isn’t much of a deep feelings guy— unless he’s high, he sounds like a philosopher

Tattoos… Addley def has tattoos, and I’d like to think he has done at least ONE himself! I see him as having those very intricate designs that he can talk hours about. The story of why he got it, who the artist was, the meaning. And then he probably has one he got while tweaked into the next dimension that’s just some stupid cartoon character with a beanie.. he ain’t got a story for that one, sorry sweetheart.

That’s A LOT, but you got my brain jogging!! I genuinely love talking abt him— because Addley doesn’t exactly have 100% set lore, that’s why I adore him so much.

Here’s a few of mine…

Addley loves fish. The animal. He would be so happy if after all this criminal stuff settled a bit he could get a fish tank and just watch them all. He thinks they’re beautiful…

It may have been from a time in the past, maybe in school his class pet was a fish— or one time in a store he saw the wall of them and decided they were his favorite animal? Whatever it was, he loves them. The shine of their scales is calming to him, loving the different breeds, and how they all seem to have personalities.

Addley would also probably be the type to pick up a stray animal and love on it. It may have 143 diseases, he dgaf… it’s a cat? Look at it? It’s a little baby? He’s stealing it. His mother definitely yells at him for this, it’s a habit he desperately tries to break. Failing miserably.

Addley is like a crow, and picks up shiny shit up give to his family, and you. I don’t care. It could be a bottle cap he polished and made into a necklace. He’s crafty, what can he say?

He HATES painting. He actually can’t stand it. It takes so much patience it just pisses him off. If he’s gonna paint, it’s gonna be finger paint, and he’s just gonna flick his fingers at the canvas like the knows wtf he’s doing. (He doesn’t)

Loves being praised for anything, and immediately gets put on edge if he even SMELLS any irritation directed at him. Depending who it is, he gets so defensive— even if there wasn’t anything wrong in the first place. You could look at him wrong and he would pout in apology, or glare and start an argument.

He’s lowkey a ticking time bomb, but a simple “it’s fine, why are you upset?” Is enough to make him just drop it…

He has habits like biting his nails, they’re so short they bleed sometimes…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have more, but I am currently very hungry and wish to go eat,, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HEADCANONS, IM SO HAPPY I FOUND A FELLOW ADDLEY LOVER WAAWAWAAAA <3333

[mintmatcha]

Hanamaki Takahiro Trust fund baby, Iwaizumi heart shaped jewelry giver, mama’s boy Izuku you are making me realize my attraction to these fictional characters is WEAK because all it takes is ONE headcanon from mint and I go from 🥰🤭💕 to 🫥💀🤬🥱 even as I see other people’s creations from fics to art all I can think of is what you said … Izuku I’m sorry baby but I fear you may NEVER be attractive to me again so long as the mf mama’s boy allegations exist bc I cannot handle a man child

izuku is such a mama's boy that having him suck on your tits give you a bad feeling in your stomach

[andro-dino]

ever since i got into sbr the bombermen now live in my brain..... maybe some domestic hcs for the bros and the dastardly bombers?? after the latter get redeemed im interested to know how you think they acclimated to being normal guys again

SBR IN MY INBOX FALLS TO MY KNEES AND SOBS I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THESE

There’s so many thoughts that have just been brewing around up there for ages. One that is like a suuuuuper old thought that’s been up there for years is the idea that Green hangs out with his sisters a lot and at some point gets really into painting nails and tries to get any and all of his siblings to let him paint their nails (ignore the fact that they don’t canonically have nails rn okay lets just pretend). It’s pretty hit and miss. I like to think that Yellow would be one of the most openly receptive to it but he cannot hold still for that long so his always end up really scuffed and messed up but he still loves them anyways. Also during this era I liked pairing up Green and Red as like, particularly close, and Red despite all his usual willpower is very weak to Greens manipulation and I just think it’s so silly. I drew a lil thing of him also ages ago beating up his training dummy while holding his hands out very carefully trying not to mess up his freshly painted nails and I just think that encompasses that whole thing.

SPEAKING OF RED AND DUO DYNAMICS I LIKE WITH HIM, him and black have a very stupid rivalry and constantly butting heads with each other is something that I hold very near and dear to my heart. It was a product of all the tiktok audios that were popular at the time that I had saved for hypothetical future cosplays I think (side note I need to get back to cosplaying (my magnet wig has been staring me down recently)). Their dynamic is very similar to dan and reiki to me if that makes sense. except they’re both better and worse. idk they’re just very dear to me <3 this one interaction in sbr2 genuinely made me like scream and cry and throw up it’s all 2018 axel ever could’ve wanted.

Another individual duo dynamic between the bros I am obsessed with is blue and pink bc I hc them as twins and they r so important to me. Blue in general I like to think of as really good at reading people (even if he doesn’t usually make that super obvious) and he tends to notice when Pink is overly stressed out and putting too much pressure on herself. When this happens, he’s usually able to bring her back down to earth by smacking her upside the head with a pillow and telling her to take a break. I like to think that if she’s stressing out abt like having to look after their other siblings or whatever, Blues like “I’ll handle it” and it’s very ominous and pink does not fully know what that entails but she does know that she really wants to take a nap so she lets him handle it. I think you give that man a monster energy or two and he could do anything.

I was also recently thinking abt the respective eldest four/youngest four quartets of the Bomberman bros and they just. mean so much to me. I like to think that they hold like their own respective council meeting to discuss the current state of affairs and stuff they’ve noticed about the other half. THEYRE JUST VERU IMPORTANT TO ME. with the older bros, again with blue being the most observant, I like to think that he tends to bring up stuff that none of the others have noticed yet and it always catches everyone off guard. The younger half are extremely silly with it. Like I don’t know how to describe it but they are the most functionally dysfunctional group imaginable and it’s both horribly chaotic but surprisingly organized. Yellow is the minutes man. he does keep track of everything in crayon. Half of the time he does get distracted drawing flowers and butterflies instead. there’s no one else they would trust with the job. Red thinks he’s the leader since he’s the oldest of the four. Aqua and Green have not broken the news to him that he is not. It’s okay he doesn’t need to know.

As for the dastardlys, I don’t have a lot of specific ideas for them as far as like, re becoming parts of society goes (though most of the ones I do have are mostly whiteplasma focused (and none of them are very coherent bc thinking about them together just makes me sob violently)), though I’ve honestly always liked the idea of them forming their own sort of ragtag sibling kind of bond. It’s very strange and weird and none of them are really fully used to it but they find comfort in each other methinks. Pretty serves as the main bridge between them and the main eight. I like to think that even after buggler n everything, she still dresses up and keeps Karaoke around as like, a sort of drag persona. It’s very important to me that for both groups, she is both very sisterly and mature but also incredibly silly to degrees unheard of. I’ve always liked the idea of her and magnet being especially close. They r. insane together. sometimes pretty is able to ground him and give him good advice and other times they bring out the worst (best) in each other and it ends about as well as you’d expect, but they r like besties in my head.

Plasma I’ve always thought of as just having a natural protective/big brother kind of instinct to him. It’s funny bc half of the dastardlies are older or roughly the same age as him but he still just like instinctually pulls out a lot of the big brother talk with them. One interaction I’ve thought abt is between him and golem where they’re kinda just hangin out and whatever and he brings up how golem and yellow are getting along and plasma’s like “it’s nice that you’re making friends I’m very happy for you” and golem (in his own vocabulary obviously) is like “yk you don’t have to talk to me like I’m a child, I am like thousands of years older than you” and plasmas like “right my b force of habit.” (I do think plasma is still like mentally older than golem iykwim but yk, golems not like green little either). It’s funny I actually used to not really like/care about plasma that much (I honestly think it was just his English voice acting like it really just does not do it for me dawg) but now I love him so dearly. His and white’s dynamic is especially important to me (if that wasn’t already clear) and like. augh. aughhh <333 they’re so incredibly similar in so many ways and just the thought of them consistently being together and training and hanging out with each other and bringing out the best in each other is so important to me. They keep up their friendly rivalry while helping each other out, white especially helping plasma and the others get reacclimated to everything and supporting them along the way (and maybe he and plasma smooch a little too idk the world is a beautiful place). I think White also gets along with Golem pretty well. mostly just bc white supervises golem and yellows hangouts/dates for a while just to make sure yellow is really fine without him keeping his eye on him all the time and in the process, grows really fond of golem.

I think as far as the other dastardlies and the bros go, I also like red and magnet together a lot just like generally. they r so incredibly silly I just think they should not be separated (even though only bad things happen when they’re together /silly). I also obviously am obsessed with phantom and blue together. extremely over dramatic guy who still thinks they have an intense rivalry x guy who goes “lol” and does not feed into it at all is the best ever in the world. Also, just bc of that one image from the sbr credits, him and black together I think would be great. They both have such a flair for the dramatics that I think it’d work. You’d think they’d be a mess just with how different their usual personalities tend to be but I think it cancels out and both of them think they just kinda get each other (they do not)(they don’t need to know that they’re happy anyways).

[dollgutted]

so my tumblr front page has a lot of ghostface stuff for obvious reasons, he's obviously a big fave of mine and i follow a lot of ghostie lovin' accounts, as well as following the ghostface tag. typical stuff. but i. every time i see live action ghostface i cannot fucking help but think of that poor fucking scare actor who was dressed as ghostface at the haunt i went to last year.

important details: i am a 4'9 man and despite being a horror lover and connoisseur, i do not handle irl horror very well. that is to say, i'm chicken shit. i'm a fucking baby. i cry and hide behind my friends at haunts. i love going! don't get me wrong! i love going so much because i love being scared but also my fear reaction isn't to fight, flee, or freeze, it's to fawn n cry, baby, that's how i do it. but it's always like "wow that was fun!" after the haunt, yanno? it's scary but it's not real so it's not traumatizing or anything, it's just like, "haha man i am weak let's go again next year", whatever yanno. those details out of the way, if you know ANYTHING about haunts, you know seasoned scare actors are usually pretty good at telling who the scaredy cat is, and a lot of times, that's the easy target. some will go for the one they can tell is already fuckin tweaking lmao. and boy, is it not hard to tell with me.

so let me set the scene: it's 11PM, dark as shit, i'm dressed like a fucken slut bc i always gotta dress up for haunts, if i'm gonna cry i wanna look hot doin' it yanno. got my bunny hat on, for emotional support (doesn't everyone have a hat w/ bunny ears for emotional support?). i'm clinging to my friends shirt while they're dragging me through this corn maze. i hear something crunch behind us and instinctively cling tighter. i know something is about to happen and i'm NOT going to like whatever it is. i'm anticipating a loud noise. a scream. someone to jump out.

LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD, who other than ghostface is suddenly fucking beside me. ME. this haunt isn't super strict about invasion of personal fucking space, it's not officially no touch but most of them won't really touch you. this guy, though, oh no. he says nothing, that'd be out of character of course, but i am staring. wide eyed. just looking up at him. my friends feel me pause. they turn back. THEY START LAUGHING. THEY ARE ANTICIPATING.

i am truly frozen, i am just looking at this man when he moves to press his (obviously fake) knife into my throat, tilting my chin up a little bit with it. i cannot fucking. i cannot function. i GIGGLE. i am a grown man and i giggle like a schoolgirl who's crush just picked up their dropped pencil for them. I GIGGLED. this man tenses, he did NOT expect that reaction. my friends are fucking cackling. this scare actor has been thrown for a loop. he once more says nothing, removes the knife, stares down at me for a solid thirty seconds, and then WALKS AWAY.

GHOSTFACE SCARE ACTOR IF YOURE OUT THERE I AM SO SORRY. I DID NOT MEAN TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE I SINCERELY DID NOT BUT I LOVE GHOSTFACE PLS UNDERSTAND YOU MADE A DREAM COME TRUE THAT NIGHT AND I STILL THINK ABOUT IT A YEAR LATER I WOULD APOLOGIZE IF I COULD BUT I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT HAUNT EVER AGAIN OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT.

[soulgathered-archived]

alright time for the opinion post . I wanna start with a few things that won't need to be spoilered :

I strongly dislike the changes the graphical update did to mae & knew that would potentially sour the way I feel about dt & I was right. there were some angles that got me all "oh u know what I totally am on board with this!" & then the angle would change & I'd, in reallife, make a lil offended gasp bcs "ohh no. hate this ! hate this ! I want my wol back" this isn't in regards to mods. I just legit miss vanilla mae from pre-dt. miss their old lips (which are the biggest issue to me) miss their old eye shape, their face shape etc.

if you cannot handle someone critiquing something you love ( mind you that I love 14 too ) then this post is not for you. the amount of disgusting hate i saw towards people with legit critics of the expac is... baffling. the devs won't be able to grow if we just coddle them.

I still think ew should have been 2 expacs, to finish the arr-ew storyline better & set up the new one.

I have played with JP voices since HW because this was an actual advice back in the day. HW + its patches were not big enough yet to warrant having to listen to what ARR delivered. I also always watch at least one streamer play 14 with english VAs to get both experiences ! because yeah actually english gives you the proper feeling of scale & distance by having characters with accents. as far as I can tell right now I think all the DT voices are amazing

& from here on spoiler territory !

...you were warned if you are still here this is on you .

but I wanna start with stuff I liked / adored .

wu.k lam.at & ko.ana's family bond. I will forever be weak for chosen family bonds & they are soso cute. I love their personalities. I wanna see more of them.

In general the environmental story telling & the details they put into telling the stories of region was soso much better, loved it. I loved exploring the zones & noticing stuff or just talking to NPCs.

the end reveal with the key showing the az.em symbol made me giggle. I am sure it won't lead to a "oh so az.em fucked up" thing but it still amuses me to think they did.

happy kr.ile got character development, she really does deserve it & she is a lovely addition to the team.

erenvil.le, ko.ana & wu.k la.mat are among my faves now without a doubt.

the third & lvl 95 dungeon music slapped. actually when the music is good it's SO good.

t.uli.yollal is stunning, feels so lived in. I like spending time there & just zooming around. srsly the graphic update looks so good in environments & the DT ones are soso stunning. also best inn / tavern room we ever had. who needs housing i am staying in there !!!!

however a good base does not make a great game & overall the story was just. mid. it exists I guess. it feels so weirdly cut off from past expacs? like you tell me they didn't hear shit about anything ever? other continent or not how do you miss the final days I don't care if it was "contained to some places" that kinda stuff goes around.

I don't need the people to know the wo.l's name or look but come on you have heard of them + the sci.ons. I know ppl say "we don't need to always be the mc stop demanding that" ...sorry that in a game that I pay money for I want my character to be important. all our character does is nod sagely to give WL some confidence & half the time she isn't even looking. if i can write my character out within seconds & end up at pretty much the same point at the end then there was no point for us being there.

this legit felt a bit like them looking at what ppl adored at previous expa.cs, copying it & copying it worse. zone 6 ? this might be my biased but like changing it as we did? that should have been an amau.rot or elpi.s thing. at least that had impact. I only cared for one character in there & yes her memories being shut down was sad but like. kay.

...can we stop with fantasy races who love money btw? I am sure it was not meant that way but man did that make me feel uncomfy as a Jewish person. especially the whole 'they used to be slaves now they are merchants adoring money' GUESS WHY SO MANY JEWS WERE MERCHANTS !! guess what was one of the few things they were allowed to do esp when romans took em along as slaves.

However in the same sense I did love the tradition of remembering the dead because that way nobody is really gone. Again I doubt SE planned that they accidentally nailed Jewish philosophy but that was fun.

....zor.aal j.a was boring. I kept waiting for some big twist but no he's just another daddy issue guy. only that the story really wants me to believe his dad is great !! so caring !! ....can't fcking see his son's own issues. the guy who DEFINITELY knew about how fcked bless.ed siblings were & he can't see the strain that being called a "miracle" put on his kid? this is why i waited for some plottwist of ZJ having other plans all along.

also I am sorry "we had war 80 years ago people are too comfy with peace" ...that. that is within living memory especially with 14 races ! that was the worst motivation. at least stretch the time!!

sph.ene was actually fine I like her, it's just.............we had her. several times. hello there moe-fied as.cian ! hello there not-amau.rot. totally not. this is not copied homework. at all. it was just a narrated last dungeon once more telling us about how great things used to be until they weren't. it totally wasn't "person who was loved by their people got twisted to save them" this is all...so...new...

this is a nitpick & an amusing one but ere.nvilles accent just makes no sense anymore. they really just wrote smth & were like "screw established stuff from before" ( i don't remember if it's a quest detail or one of the extra published stories but they had to go back & rewrite smth bcs it contradicted DT )

which maybe is my biggest gripe with the story. unless they HAD to acknowledge smth from previous stuff they just. copied it - in a worse way, for me at least - or just ignored it which at times felt so insulting.

the scene with the sick kid? eh hello? fairly sure we fixed stuff like that. we can just go grab ali.saie later & bring ange.lo along--? i feel like in previous expacs wo.l at least would have mentioned that to sphe.ne but then stuff with ZJ goes wrong so it gets pushed aside (but it's at least on our mind & not a surprise when the solution appears randomly bcs I fear that just might happen)

....most of the scio.ns felt like they were forcefully written in just so we had full parties for trials.

minor dumb stuff that is very me specific: i don't like sol.ution 9. i don't like the aesthetic, the vibe. just i don't like it. didn't like the ending song either. felt very shou.nen isek.ai-ish it's just not my type of song.

...wu.k lam.at i love you but you are among the worst trust characters i ever encountered I am sobbing i dunno if this is supposed to reflect her personality or she is programmed that badly. I never struggled with a trust so much.

I don't mind the trope of "love & friendship will safe the day" but....again it was just done better in the past ( end of ew, drk story, stb why we went with ly.se & stuck by her, arr raids...just. it has been done better )

as much as this probably sounds like just hating in truth it was. absolutely an okay expac.........just very mid. we had better, we deserve better but this wasn't "the end of 14" like how some ppl act. it served its purpose & i so hope that as the story goes on we look back at it more fondly for setting stuff up. a severable start to a new story. probably. depends what the future brings. a 6/10 for me.

[the-fandom-abyss]

Hiiii!!! I really love your fandom match up idea could I get a match up from mcu/tvd! Thanks if you do it!

Gender: Female she/her

Sexuality: straight

Appearance: I’ve got short black hair which I get trimmed every three to four months because I cannot handle below jaw length, I mostly wear flannel shirts as a style statement (my friend describes my style as someone’s 40 year old dad who does a 9-5), I get dimples on my face when I smile

Facts: I’m a stem major (struggling with it) (literally dying), I want to grow up to be a professor or teacher one day, feminism is my Roman Empire

Strengths: Im a people pleaser who accepts being one, im EXTREMELY funny, I love hanging out with myself, my taste in movie is immaculate, chemistry

Weaknesses: im a bit dull and stupid in general, can’t make friends really easily, adhd haver, can’t do calculus so well, take extreme amount of stress (my doc said I’m missing my period bc of my stress level I need to calm tf down), scaredy cat

I ship you with Stefan Salvatore!

Stefan will support you in your dreams of becoming a teach or professor. He thoroughly enjoys the never ending questions he receives and how attentive you are when he gives his answers. What better way to learn about history or old school teachings than someone that has been there.

(Now I don’t know much about ADHD, but here is my take, ignore if wrong). Stefan has all the patience in the world, he honestly has all the time in the world. He will apply this to your stream of consciousness that seems to flow from one idea to the next. He is a great listener and enjoys the journey between where you started and where you end up. He is more than happy to keep you on track if that is what you need, otherwise you are a free woman. It’s your world and he is just living in it

You know who also has a hard time making friends? Stefan. He is a renowned hermit who enjoys his own company. This will work perfectly for you as both your needs align. There is no guilt when asking for alone time or space because he feels the same as you and completely understand why you need to refresh.

I ship you with Tony Stark!

You mentioned that one of your strengths is chemistry, which Tony likes to add his spin to. Now he would never discredit your intellect but he will make pick up lines and jokes. He may have mentioned that you and him have great chemistry and has even hypothesised what could have if the two of you interact with each other

(Now I don’t know much about ADHD, but here is my take, ignore if wrong). You two are a force to be reckoned with. The Avengers believe that you have a secret language that only you or Tony can understand. Where he stops, you begin and vice versa. I feel this is what makes you a great team, always bouncing ideas, the energy levels, the understanding of one another.

You say that your movie choices are impeccable, well Tony will be the judge of that. With his love of film, he will happily take onboard your suggestions, even create a movie marathon date just for it. You want to have this in-depth conversations about them? Tony is your man. He will spend all night locked in a thoughtful debate with you on all things film.

1k Follower Celebration

[somewhereinthepines]

dunno if you were asked this before but what you most favorite dynamic out of all your supermassive ships?

i don’t think, that i answered it on such a scale before tbh. i’ve been asked about my supermassive otps separately tho, so like mmmm….

idk. i can’t say, that i have a specific favorite among all of them. each pair has elements that fascinate me, and while they all have smth that tangles them together, they’re also fundamentally different. i look at chris x ryan, and john x andrew, which at first glance is what i’m calling a caretaker + their silent, younger companion sort of gimmick, but they’re also go deeper than this, and there is very big difference even in how chris & john handle situations or how andrew & ryan react to things. how andrew will always be more pushy, and how ryan essentially can enter yandere mode, where andrew seem to be just kind of prone to violence of less motivated, less personal kind…..or even a big separation in how chris always tries to cling to imagery of a good person, and john is just kind of embraces the fact, that he’s not a decent man. still, chris somehow fucks up more royally bc of it all vs john, who’s just kinda goes with the flow lol. and then, the roles of who defends who in both ships are reversed. in the quarry, ryan canonically goes out of his way to pretend like everything around him doesn’t scream ‘my mentor isn't who i think he is'. it's so plain. so into your face, yet rayn being unresponsive, being abrasive. and then, he also gets hella passive-aggressive, once someone suggests that he's in denial (he is lol). in LH, it’s john, who canonically closes eyes on andrew’s mishaps and stunted disturbance, downright to forgiving him accidently killing angela (in some routes). i talked in more detail about john & chris’s differences and similarities here. but while they do share the same roots of dynamic, i feel like it evolves into its own category along the way. so honestly, even between those two, it’s kinda impossible for me to pick which is the most preferable or interesting. bc they both are! i'm a sucked for complicated pinning & favoritism, that makes person pick side based on their own selfish pref rather than logic. i love how creepily easy it is for ryan & john to endanger others, if it means that they can keep chris & adnrew 'safe and sound'. i love how this is their first, organic reaction. the quarry kinda messed it up toward the end, but y'know lol. it's the narrative point / the main intent, that counts with me. and where LH wasn't very shy about andrew & john being a 'thing' in whatever way, you might see it....like them being stuck together as oddly 'similiar' unlucky folks or as john being there to mislead you, well, they still were very *cross fingers* like that. in the quarry, you have to actually look a bit more closely to see how much of plot is revolved around ryan & chris's relationships. around ryan trying to save someone, who is in fact, was partly to blame for everything. but honestly, this is what i like about the quarry vs until dawn. at least, chris had someone, who did try to see the best in him. vs until dawn, where by unpopular opinion, i always stuck feeling like josh deserved better friends. i can't watch the prologue and not think, that aside from sam, the rest of josh's friends actually suck tbh. including chris, bc dang, he just abandoned him like that. for a girl..........so while josh did messed up thing, i struggle to feel any sort of sympathy for anyone, but sam in that game. naturally, some characters grew on me and chris was even my fav back at the time, but i don't and cannot respect a half-assed commitmet he showed josh. like man, be more like ryan, dude. point a gun at weird looking gal, that suggest that she's about to kill your camp leader. be like john, and literally ignore safety of everyone, but yourself and that one, young dazed student that you like lol. chris from until dawn is too weak for it. even non-existent dr hill was more devoted to josh vs his best bud. i mean, it kinda sucks, when your mental illness is the only thing, that agrees to keep you company, bc your bff wanna gets laid and just forgets about u. it's realistic tbh, don't get me wrong. but it still stings lol.

*clears throat* sorry, tangled lol.

anyways then, we have the other 2 ships, which are kind of opposites of one another. i mean, dulie & dalim do have similar narrative bits, esp since both pairs have power imbalance as its main trait. but where du’met x charlie will always be a predator/prey, with prey barely being able to do anything against its pursuer, in dalim it's never fully established, who 'controls' the situation in the end. bc realistically, salim would kick dar’s ass, if he saw so fit lol. and the funny part of their relationship is that dar is completely unaware lol. he seems to consider salim to be weaker, more naive and less likely to fight against his commands, since he's kind of a kiss-ass lol. it never occurs to dar, that salim can rebel against him. and if/when salim does, dar basically instantly gets angry/absolutely enraged with him, bc how dare he lol. in dulie, du’met kind of expects charlie to struggle and whine, and cower, and try his hardest, so he’s not holding it against him. he even humors him kinda. still, it's where the big diffence is. charlie is du'met 'prey', whatever intentions he has for him are always 'justified' inside his own mind. dar would only hurt salim, if he goes out of line. he won't randomly harm salim, or consider doing it, even if he might have such impulse. like, i do believe, that he does have them. still, where charlie being du'met 'favorite' means, that du'met would exact more pain and fear on him....with dar, it's the opposite. he would try to keep salim from harm's way, at least to some degree and he certanly won't treat him as poorely as he treats those other people, who are unimportant to him. canonically, out of the whole unit, dar only searching for salim. he's not sorry for all those wasted lives, it seem to barely register with him even. more so, he's actually allows salim to stick in the background for the most part, when he shots around like a maniac lol. it must mean smth comming from a war dog like him. also i must say, that dar & du’met, while both clearly sociopathic, still have very, very different stans there, not to mention, that even their sadism is kinda different too. not even in level, but also in how they apply it. they both clearly love hunting down people. they both enjoy the thrill of chase. but dar in a way uses his position, the situation he’s in as an excuse for it. while, du’met is just like that lol. salim & charlie are also opposites. there is SO very little to connect them by. besides, a very surface level things, such as them being the low-key hyperfixation/main companion for antagonists, and then how they both wander around with a lighter. so once again, its kinda impossible to pick between them, bc they represent very different things, and the characters themselves have way less in common up close vs the chris/ryan and john/adnrew. 

taking all 4 ships into account is like examining 4 of your favorite foods. it’s not the matter of which you prefer more, it’s more of what you wanna eat at the moment lol. the silver lining of all my supermassive ships be that they all have a specific brand of fixation/care/pinning/longing for one another. and they usually all have smth, that makes it difficult to approach those relationships/feelings. at least, for one party lol. but it’s kinda impossible to shove them all into some check-box tbh. i mean, it will be very hard to fit let’s say, caring chris, who tries to be good to ryan, even when he scolds him, and dar, who backhands salim, the second he fails to answer him fast enough. or compare andrew, who can push john around and shut him up by mere suggestion of disagrement, and charlie who would most likely fell on his knees and suck du’met off, rather than risk invoking his displeasure. even if simply bc du'met is capable of murdering him lol.

so idk, i can't name the most fav one tbh. i love them all for their own reasons. not to meation, that there is so many ways to explore obsession and other bits, that i love in each ship in its own way. before, i assumed, that i might have a secret fav, but looking at it now, i don't think that i do, haha.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/9/2024

the BEAST (phil) has been SPAYED

listening

my sister ALSO, INDPENDENTLY, keeps tuesdayesqe lists in the back of her planner! which is what i used to do before these posts! You Got A Man by JAWNY is off her 2023 playlist. this philly artist's claim to fame seems to be that he dated doja cat for six months? the song is short, bratty, and fun indie/alt not-quite-rap. i have no knowledge of how much the man overlaps with the song. spotify

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reading

ive never watched supernatural, except by osmosis bc i signed up for this website in 2011. this book is what i imagine people say when they say "what if supernatural was good?"

Rebecca Roanhorse's Trail of Lightning (her debut) and Storm of Locusts takes Maggie, a typical lone hero/monster hunter/horrible bitch of a woman (i say this approvingly) and says listen! you can do way sicker shit if you like. accept help and community and have a support system. it does not read like booktok found family or approach this in the typical fanfic way, which is refreshing. it points out that you will be a much longer lived and successful monster hunter this way. this is optimization, if you really look at it.

most postapoc stuff doesn’t contend with the fact (if it even acknowledges indigenous people at all) that indigenous people have already lived through several colonizing apocalypses. these books make a very sharp point that there is not a tremendous amount of difference between the reservation before the apocalypse and the reservation after the apocalypse. the worldbuilding in these is a interesting spin on sea levels plus the Energy Wars, to keep all of that at arms' length the Diné built a magical and physical wall, which i think is a funny spin on the trump border wall.

neither of them are really romance or kissing books, there is romantic interest but they are kept extremely busy not dying and admiring each other's competence. they are action and gore heavy. this is notable bc the books are fairly short (took me about two and a half hours each) and they have pretty fuckin good action scenes! the first book has an underground club and fight ring run by a cat god: club atmosphere was terrific (there's a bit about them having to drag in hastily camouflaged cheap walmart tables to handle some overflow and i instantly knew exactly the table), it had a dress up scene I was very weak to. i thought the series of events by which they ended up at the big boss battle post-club was kind of stupid but (forgivably) the big boss battle was quite enjoyable. figuring out what to do with your life next when you’re highly trained for a very specific thing but also not trained enough to be a serious danger and were set up to fail was extremely compelling to me, an astronomy major who cannot actually work in astronomy.

second book really hits its stride and (girl who has only played fallout voice) feels very fallout-y. desperate quest to save a loved one. girls' trip through a bunch of weird places with a bunch of weird guys. there's a lot of references that play with tone without ever going HEY REMEMBER THIS OTHER WORK YOU COULD GO LOOK AT RIGHT NOW? there’s a plane and a weird guy that made me think of mad max thunderdome, except the weird guy is his own character and has his own arc. there’s a weird grandpa on a boat who i don't think is a reference at all, except maybe to the timeless genre of weird grandpas on boats. there’s a sentient casino trapping people inside that reminded me of the new vegas dead money expansion, except Maggie barely steps inside bc she immediately gets caught up in a day-long battle of wits against the god of gambling. Maggie is a little more settled in her own skin now that she’s regularly talking to other people and has rejoined her community in her own small ways on her own terms and it HAS made her a much more successful monster hunter. the dialogue is snappier, the action scenes are more elaborate and smoothly choreographed. it's nice to watch an author grow so quickly (from this is serviceable to oh SHIT this is fun) over the course of a duology :) this feels like it was meant to be a trilogy but this book came out in 2019 so i am not holding my breath. it has a nice solid endpoint right here imo.

past sexual violence is sort of orbited around but no sexual violence is actually depicted, which i appreciate as a woman trying to enjoy postapoc.

libby has a very helpful Indigenous Voices category/reading guide/thing. thank u libby now i want to read everything else she's ever written

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watching

saw a piece of fanart i cannot find now for the three minute short PUPARIA by Shingo Tamagawa.

Something is about to change drastically. We can only be witnesses to it.

it's a weird and stunningly beautiful little thing i am still worrying at like a dog with a peanut butter kong. if you have a thing about eyes or clusters of round shapes this is NOT the three minute short for you btw

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playing

the free epic game was the Eidos Montreal Guardians of the Galaxy game, and since i am allergic to dead moms i will not be playing it. widely reviewed as "good writing, but not very much fun to actually play" so i don't feel like i'm missing out on too much.

i have no good story to tell about my time with genshin this week. we're aiming for "can i turn my brain off for forty minutes in the evening" and grinding a lot of one specific boss while listening to podcasts does seem to be enough to turn my brain off.

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making

i have been frantically deep cleaning (including soaking the office in enzymatic cleaner [thanks phil]) bc my siblings are coming to town for a couple days and despite several setbacks (a completely different arrival time than the one they told me) and absolutely no sense of an itinerary we will be fine! we will all be fine and have fun! i will be SO fine and calm and chill and we will all have some fucking fun so help us god

ALSO also phil has finally been spayed and is now dealing with four separate issues: the giant wound still on her side, the spay incision, the necrotic abscess in her mouth from going too hard on a springy toy, and being underweight from trying to heal three things at once. we'll get there! we'll get there. it's just taking a while. we are going to have friday afternoon vet visits every week for the foreseeable future.

i love her so much and i'm glad she's feeling better but i genuinely think owning a horse would be cheaper than owning this one wonky cat. they shaved SO much of her tummy she looks even sillier than usual.

other than being Very Alert for the persistent little orange tomcat that keeps hopping up on my windowsill, mackie is doing fine. no concept of the fact that my siblings are going to pick her up more in two days than she gets picked up in a whole month. this is a girl that likes her feet on the ground thanks much