#bc technically that’s not a lie; I have been sick but only in the mental illness way

[grocerystoreanxiety]

k did the math, and if I stick to the budget, I have until next march to get money from somewhere (bc by april, I can’t afford my rent). Things aren’t as bad as I thought, like that’s 6months-ish away, if I don’t manage to get a job in 6months I deserve to pass away. I thought I had like until december, so this gives me some extra months

[2nerd4this]

Fluffy prompt: Cathy getting sick and not wanting to admit it bc she knows everyone is stressed and she doesn't want to make it worse. But Catalina like forces her to submit to being looked after (or possibly tricks her into accepting care.) OR Cathy just suddenly feeling really clingy to Lina but trying to suppress it bc she doesn't want to be annoying. Lina though ofc notices this and makes a special point of keeping Cathy close to her bc she can tell she needs it rn.

Heyyy, these were such both good ideas that I decided to combine them. This one’s fairly long, for my standards anyway, and it's completely unedited because it was my coping mechanism for the last few days, so... I hope it’s still alright, or at least makes sense. Thanks for the prompt!

It was foolish- Cathy knows- to assume that she could avoid the virus that was moving through the Queen’s house like a... well- a virus. 

Even the Ladies, who the Queens had started to cut off contact with after the first few cases in an attempt to keep them healthy, were not immune, and Maria, who was adamant that she wouldn’t get it, was currently confined to her bedroom by the others.

But for some reason, Cathy thought she would be fine. It had gotten to the others fairly quickly, and Jane, the last to get it, was almost back to full health. 

Imagine her annoyance, then, when she awoke this morning with a splitting headache and a sore throat, exactly what she had been dreading for weeks.

Groaning, she rolled over and pulled the blankets up over her head. This was the most inconvenient time to be sick. Tonight was supposed to be the first time all six Queens were healthy enough to perform together, and their poor alternates were in desperate need of a break. 

She would just have to suck it up, then. Not only were the others excited and ready to perform all together (finally), they were all also exhausted from taking care of themselves and others for a straight month. Jane, to no fault of her own, had been rendered completely incapable of anything more than walking to the bathroom for a straight week- both because of the illness and the anxiety that accompanied it. That meant that the other five Queens had been spending every waking moment taking care of her or running errands, something that Jane usually took care of.

No- Cathy would be fine. A cold shower, a couple of pills, a warm breakfast. That would be enough, at least to tide her over until after the show. Once she got up and moving, she would be good to go.

.

So that was a lie.

It was almost time to leave for the show and Cathy hadn’t left her room in hours, curled up under the blankets, sweating and shivering and wishing she could just sleep. But each tick of the clock reminded her that she couldn’t- she shouldn’t. Her family needed her.

So when six rolled around, Cathy managed to get herself vertical and presentable, just in time for Anne to yell upstairs that they were leaving in five minutes and that she ‘better get your butt to the car soon or else Kitty’s gonna make you sit in the middle!”

Technically, she couldn’t safely take medicine again for another hour, but if she took some now, she would be able to have one more right before she went on stage. 

It was worth it.

.

When they arrived at the theater, the headache had not lessened as she had hoped. In fact, it had gotten worse. She hadn’t even thought that was possible.

Cathy tried her best to push through, but with warm-up first, she knew there was no way she could disguise her pain much longer.

“Whoa, Cath,” Jane caught her arm as she swayed and stumbled onto the stage, “You alright, love?”

“Yeah, yeah, just tired.” Cathy nodded assuredly. Jane didn’t look convinced, but Joan had already started and she couldn’t do anything but nod and pat her arm gently.

The sixth Queen positioned herself behind the others, against the wall, so they wouldn’t notice as she winced with every loud chord and shivered against the non-existent cold. 

And when warm-up came to a merciful end, she knew it was only the beginning.

Back in her changing room, it was just as loud.

Jane was celebrating her return to the show with an Insta Live, and Kitty was blasting music and singing along at the top of her lungs. 

Cathy did her makeup and hair as quickly as humanly possible, before throwing on her costume haphazardly and escaping the cramped room.

The brief respite the hallway brought caused her to sigh loudly in relief, and when she rounded the corner into the usually deserted stairwell, she slid to the floor immediately, putting her head between her knees and rubbing her temple, closing in on herself to try and stop shaking.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there- time became odd against the pain. At least pass the one-hour call, and she was barely able to make a mental note to keep an ear out for half-hour.

That, clearly, wasn’t going to happen, because it wasn’t until she felt the physical presence of a body next to her did she realize that she wasn’t alone. 

Before she could stop herself, her head shot up, causing her to shut her eyes in pain and groan. 

“Oh, mija,” Catalina’s sympathetic voice echoed loudly in her brain, even though she was probably whispering, and Cathy let out a pathetic whimper.

“Shhh”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Lina whispered, much quieter this time, and Cathy pried her eyes opened and peered up at the older woman. “Oh, honey, you look awful.”

“Wow, thanks,” Cathy quipped, albeit half-heartedly, then immediately regretted it when Lina laughed. “Too loud.”

“Sorry, sorry. Baby- mija... why didn’t you say something?”

“I’m fine, I- I took medicine earlier. I have to do the show- tonight at least. Give the girls a break.”

“You still want to perform?” Catalina asked incredulously, then immediately lowered her tone as her goddaughter winced. “Sorry, mija, I’ll be quiet now, I promise. But- querida, I’m taking you home.”

“No!” Cathy exclaimed, now ignoring the pain. “It’s alright, I’ll be fine, please.”

“Not a chance.” Catalina shook her head, wrapping an arm around the girl to start rubbing soft circles on her back. Cathy sank into the touch immediately. “There’s an alternate on stand-by here, as you... already know, of course, but I can text her right now, alright?”

Cathy whined pathetically, already shifting into her godmother’s warmth. “But madrina, I can-”

“No. That’s final. Don’t argue with me on this, Catherine. It’s a lost cause.”

The use of Cathy’s full name banished any remaining fight she had in her, and she nodded minutely, finally sinking fully against Catalina. The older woman nodded sagely, smirking softly. 

“Good girl. Give me just a second so I can text her and we can go, alright?”

She got no response, but she wasn’t expecting one anyway. Cathy’s eyes were already starting to shut again. 

.

Sure enough, not even ten minutes later, they were both in Catalina’s car, Cathy’s legs pulled up against her tightly as she shivered slightly from the breeze. The other Queens had understood immediately and reassured her, through text of course, and the alternate had been more than willing to step up. She had been kind of expecting it anyway. 

“Alright, mija, just twenty minutes and then we’ll be home. You can try to sleep if you want.”

Cathy just hummed in return, but that was enough answer for Catalina, who smiled and turned the ignition, then quickly turned the heat up.

The ride home was uneventful, though Cathy didn’t fall asleep. Catalina tried her best to follow all traffic laws, but every time her goddaughter shifted and groaned, her heart clenched and she sped up, just a little.

As such, they arrived back home in a little under fifteen minutes. 

“Cathy, querida, we’re here.”

Catalina rounded the car and helped the girl out of the car, supporting almost all of her body weight. 

She had to admit, she was a little glad that the others had been so sick as well, or else she would be driving Cathy to the hospital right now, based on how miserable she looked. 

“Did you eat dinner? Lunch?”

Cathy simply shook her head, allowing Catalina to lead her inside and straight to the kitchen, deposting her on the nearest stool. Immediately, she started rummaging through the fridge and pulling out assorted food. Because of the recent craziness, they didn’t have much that wouldn’t take an hour to prepare, but she got what they had and set it on the counter in front of Cathy.

“Here you go, mija.”

“I’m not hungry,” Cathy muttered, placing her elbows on the table and putting her head in her hands.

“You have to eat something, querida.” Catalina walked around the counter to rub her goddaughter's back gently, pushing a lock of stray hair behind her hear. “Please, mija. I understand, I do, but you’ll feel better if you eat.”

There was a long pause as Cathy groaned and rubbed her hands over her eyes before she sighed and lowered her head all the way down onto the table. Catalina hummed sympathetically.

“ ‘m sorry, madrina.”

Catalina paused her ministrations momentarily, regarding her goddaughter carefully, then sighed. “What for, mija?”

“Dunno. I shoulda- shoulda said something. Or worked harder to stay healthy, I dunno, I just-” Cathy raised her head a little, turning to peer up at Catalina through hooded eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh querida,” Catalina slid onto the stool next to the girl and pulled her upper body into her arms. “Don’t be. But, yeah, next time- tell me. Please?”

“Mhmm.”

“Good girl,” Catalina chuckled, resting her chin on the younger woman’s head. “Now. Are you sure you don’t want to try and eat?”

“I just want to sleep.”

“Alright,” Catalina conceded, “but afterwards....”

“Sure,” Cathy sighed, and Catalina supposed it was more from the exhaustion than actual agreement. Nevertheless, she smiled.

“Perfect.”

Catalina glanced at the food on the counter, then shook her head. It could survive a few hours out of the fridge. 

“Alright, up we get, mija. My room or yours?”

“Mmmm” Cathy nodded and stumbled to her feet, to little success, as Catalina reached out to steady her.

“Mine it is,” Catalina chuckled. “It’s closer.”

They made it upstairs without incident, and Cathy was quickly tucked away under the covers, sweaty hair matted to the pillow. Catalina flicked the lights off and shut the window, then turned back to her goddaughter.

“I can stay, if you want.”

“Mmm” Cathy hummed, pulling the covers tighter around her. Catalina smirked.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Sweet dreams, mija.”

To no one’s surprise, Catherine slept through the night, the virus counteracting her atrocious sleeping habits.

In fact, no one but Catalina saw Cathy again until lunch the next day.

“Cathy!” Anne exclaimed when the woman came down the stairs. 

Immediately, Catalina shushed her. 

“Sorry,” she whispered, covering her mouth.

“You would think you would have figure that out by now, Anne,” Kitty joked in a whisper. Anne simply shrugged, then patted the chair next to her. Cathy blinked at the second Queen slowly, pausing in the middle of the dining room and glancing over at Catalina.

“Cathy?” Anna questioned softly, tilting her head. “What’s up?”

“Oh, uh, nothing. Sorry.” Cathy shook her head, rushing over to sit next to Anne. “I’m just tired.”

The others continued to watch her oddly, and Cathy shrunk back into her seat, but Jane soon came to her rescue.

“Food’s ready, girls.”

And everything returned to normal.

.

Except it really wasn’t. 

After lunch, Anne suggested a movie. While they all reassured Cathy that they would understand, they really would, if she wanted to go back upstairs, she simply shook her head and sat in the armchair against the wall, as far from the others as she could get. 

And honestly, the others wouldn’t have thought anything of it, as Cathy seemed to be feeling much better, even laughing along to some of the jokes in the film, except for the fact that she had remained sitting straight up and stiff in the chair for the last hour and a half. 

“Cathy?” Jane asked after the movie, pulling the girl aside as the six scattered. “Are you alright?”

“What? Oh- oh, yeah. I mean,” she chuckled softly, shifting her weight awkwardly. “I have a headache, but it’s fine.”

“Alright...” Jane said, but she didn’t look convinced. “But if you need something- I’m here.” The third Queen reached out to rub the other woman’s arm, but Cathy shied away immediately. Jane pulled back and quickly apologized. “Sorry. How about you go upstairs and take a nap, alright?”

“I’m fine, Jane,” Cathy muttered, a little harsh. “I can take care of myself.”

“Alright.” Jane raised her hands in surrender, stepping back and leaving Cathy a clear path to the stairwell. Cathy glanced between her and it nervously, then slipped past and disappeared up the steps.

Unfortunately for Cathy, her path from the first staircase to the second was blocked. By the one person she didn’t want to see.

“Querida?” Catalina looked up from her basket of laundry to see the distressed look on her goddaughter’s face, and immediately shifted so she was blocking her escape upstairs. “Catherine, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Cathy-” Catalina sighed, setting the basket down and reaching forward to grab the sixth Queen’s arm. Cathy tensed and stepped back, but Catalina held firm. A few moments passed before Cathy sank into the touch. “Querida, how about you come back to my room and take a nap?”

“No, no. I- I was going to go up to my room and rest.” Cathy stepped back, pulling out of her grasp. Catalina sighed.

“Are you sure? I could use the company.”

Cathy paused, shifting her weight from foot to foot, then glanced from Catalina to the laundry basket.

“Laundry can wait.”

“....are you sure?”

“Of course, mija. Come on.”

Catalina led Cathy back to her room, leaving the basket where she sat it down, and straight to the bed. Cathy crawled under the covers and sunk into the pillows, but glanced up in surprise when Catalina followed, sitting up against the headboard and pulling the other side of the blanket up to her waist. 

“Madrina?”

“Is it alright if I sit here to read?”

Cathy eyed her godmother suspiciously for a moment, then dropped her head back onto the pillow.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“What?” Catalina glanced down, head tilting in confusion, but her smirk was obvious. “I’m not doing anything.”

Cathy blinked up at her for a few more seconds, before smiling softly and relaxing back into the mattress. She then scooted closer to her godmother and rested her head on the woman’s leg, allowing her to wrap an arm around her back and rub gently. 

“I get it, mija,” Catalina whispered after a minute or so of silence. “But you don’t have to be worried about that sort of thing with me, alright? I’ll always be here for you.” The older woman leaned down to press a soft kiss to Cathy’s curl-covered forehead and said nothing when the girl in question was clearly blushing darkly. “Go to sleep, querida.”

.

Hours later, when Anne knocked on the door announcing supper, Catalina helped Cathy untangle herself from the covers and led her to the door. 

“You sure you don’t mind?”

“Never, mi hija. Even if you were perfectly healthy, I’d understand. If I need space to myself, I’ll tell you, but if I don’t... just assume it’s alright.”

Cathy nodded in understanding, then followed her godmother to the table, sitting down next to her and trying her best to avoid notice as she scooted the chair closer and closer to the older woman. 

And if the others noticed- now or when she didn’t leave Catalina’s side at all that night or when she fell asleep on her lap during the movie they were watching or when Catalina stayed home from the show the next day to or when Cathy slept in her room every night for three days straight- they certainly didn’t say a word. 

[bellamyblake]

hello dear iva!! i’ll ask this bc i actually watched the last ep lol so - how would you like each of the reunions/talks between bellamy and the 3 women to go in episode 12? (and just so you know your day sounded wonderfully productive i really hope the distractions have been working 💓)

Hey, Zahraa!!!

Well actually that for me is a very tough question cause I think it can go in so many different directions and it will, whenever he tries to explain his stance and why he believed this *faith* of sorts.

I think personally E/cho just won’t get it considering the fact that she did so many things in the name of his death, as revenge so I’m not sure how they can ever get on any page there (not that they ever were)

With O I can see a similar scenario to season 3 with Pike, especially judging from the promo. 

And I think...people will miss a point here because in her letter to Bellamy in 7x02 she says-there was a darkness in me, Diyoza helped me pass that darkness meaning she wasn’t alone-she created this small family and she overcame the pain and the darkness in her thanks to Diyoza who started helping her get out of that awful place she was in back last season (so technically a two season ark where O gets to this amazing redemption story line)

Whilst Bellamy never actually had that you know? I mean he had a sort of family on the Ring but I don’t think any of them understood the darkness inside him, the darkness Octavia talks about, in any way. In fact I think the only person who ever did was Clarke which is why they have that special relationship.

So was he stuck with anyone else and not Doucette, someone who had similar experiences to him like Diyoza did with O, I think he’d have the same come out of this place as his sister did.

But he didn’t. He ended up stuck with a religious fanatic who offered him the one thing he desires the most-

peace.

So I think with O it’d go like-you’re doing the wrong thing because they know the truth about this faith especially Gabriel whose talk with Cadogan in 7x10 was there for the sole purpose to show us that yes-this man is selfish and he needs to get to this place out of his own selfishness and greed but he can’t do it alone so he brainwashes people into having an army and he feels no regrets. 

But he promises them love for all and PEACE and honestly out of all the characters I could ever only see Bellamy fall for that.

Also-why is that the only logical turnout of the events you’d ask? 

Clarke wouldn’t go there, people say, she wouldn’t fall for this cult bs. 

True and I’ll tell you why she wouldn’t. 

Clarke, still to this day, after L’s death, has a certain sense of having to sacrifice herself for the greater good and not thinking twice about it.

She took on that whole-the leader dies-mentality and never let go of it and in fact it only intensified after L’s death, actually...it was NEVER there before that.

Clarke can let herself die, she’ll actually go into death willingly if it means saving the people she loves, saving who she cares about and in fact she carries this fate that she’s one day going to die just because of who and how she is, like a shroud herself (which again imo only happened after season 3 but that’s a whole other meta). 

Clarke we know can be driven to suicide like she was in 5x01 when she was alone in the desert. Clarke can sacrifice herself like she said ONCE AGAIN in the last episode when she wanted to let them go back to sanctum and stay behind. 

it’s a repeating theme for her-I die, I can die, I can sacrifice myself and die for you all.

But for Bellamy and the Blakes as a whole, this is different because both of them were raised not to give up, never to give up, against all odds, against all enemies-they survive. 

Aurora taught them that-there are no weak exists. You can’t kill yourself, you can’t and shouldn’t give up. 

You fight until all doors are closed and when they’re closed you make a hole in the floor and raise a kid there.

Also dysfunctional of course but those were the circumstances. 

And anyway my point is they’re not easy to give up and give into death, we saw O willing to die when she couldn’t stand who she was in season 5 much like Bellamy did in season 1 episode 8 but in fact I very much believe Bellamy as much as he thinks he deserves it, is afraid of dying (he even says I am afraid when he jumps in the Anomaly which was another proof for me that yes he’ll take it, he knows he deserves to die, but he’s afraid of it and that was first manifested in 1x10 when he was sick and he thinks he’ll die and he tells O-I’m scared, O.)

But whilst O found a way out of the darkness with the help of Diyoza, Bellamy found a way out of the darkness when he was mentally and physically exhausted and gave himself up to simply the arms of PEACE and REST. 

He wants to stop the war waging inside him. He wants to love everyone and not have to kill others to protect his people. 

That does not mean he does not LOVE his people still, in fact I think not many people saw how his eyes smiled a little when he entered that room even if he didn’t show anything with his face.

So yeah with O I think it’d go like that.

With Clarke I think or like I’d like for him to try and explain and I’d like for them to have an angsty convo ala 3x05 where he says something like-

Aren’t you tired of us always killing someone to save ourselves?

And her being like-Bellamy, this guy’s a fanatic! He doesn’t care about people! He only cares about himself!

And Bellamy saying like-I lied before-we didn’t do better last time in sanctum! Just think about it? We destroyed them! Those people were living peacefully! So what if they believed false gods? So what if they bowed to russel? They were happy! They were healthy!

They were living a lie and so are you right now! I can’t believe just weeks ago you were helping me tell those people the truth and now you’re one of them, choosing to believe a lie!

So yeah that’s what I can see.

Sorry this got so long and meta LMFAO 

[foolgobi65]

careful man’s careless daughter

@philtstone prompted: Anne/Gilbert babysitter au fake dating prompt #5 let’s go laydees “you have the emotional capacity of a brick. that slate I broke over  your head.” (we’re pretending people still use slates now....american schools have no money...its possible ok) 

k so i was trying to figure out how to work in the babysitter + fake dating and ... like a flash the plot to this old telugu/tamil movie i love missamma/missaimaa came to mind -- its not quite the same because they’re two people pretending to be married so that they can make money as school teachers/live in tutors for a wealthy family’s daughter but it works just enough that i decided to roll with it lol. 

this technically isn’t the actual babysitting, nor the fake dating which I actually turned into a fake marriage lol, but i hope u still like it, even though it is all over the place and a general wreck because i wrote it straight through without any editing or thought towards pacing/characterization bc i havent written in forever lol!! im not even sure what the time period setting is lol, and i dont think my translating of the anne events into a semi modern day even works but w/e lol. 

u are the truest of friends, the light of my life, and have certainly heard more than your share of my mental breakdowns both in the last month and the last few years lol. u deserve all the good things, all the good fic, all the time. 

title is a perversion of a tswift lyric because it came up on youtube. if anyone wants to send in prompts from here

---

“You owe him how much?” 

Anne sighs, crossing her legs to hide how uncomfortable she is in this moment -- here she is in the park, fifteen thousand dollars plus interest in medical debt for Marilla’s eye surgery and being hounded by Roy Gardner, ex boyfriend apparently turned loan shark who was on his knees proclaiming both love and loan forgiveness should Anne just accept his proposal. 

Here Gilbert Blythe is, sitting on a park bench after two years without contact, watching the whole thing. 

“Marilla doesn’t have health insurance,” Anne says, eyes on the ground as she uses the toe of her shoe to grind a leaf into the sidewalk cement. “Even when I was teaching, the union plan didn’t let people add parents on as dependents.” She sighs. “With everything happening with the farm, she couldn’t afford to put money towards a plan and so when her eyes got bad....” 

For a moment, there is silence. Anne can almost hear Gilbert’s jaw clench “That’s just wrong.” 

Anne laughs, and because her eyes are averted she doesn’t see Gilbert flinch. “That’s America, Blythe.” 

“Well,” she hears him say, tone just dripping with what Mrs. Rachel would call the Blythe Stubbornness, “It shouldn’t be.” 

She won’t ever admit it, but there’s something Anne has always found deeply compelling about Gilbert when he gets into these moods -- all righteously indignant in a way that Anne feels inside of her own body. Or felt, before Matthew died and left behind debts not even Marilla had known about, and Marilla’s eyes worsened around the the time Anne was let go from her teaching job and even if she had had the job it wouldn’t have mattered, she knows, but still. Beautiful, wonderful, beloved Diana had offered to help, of course she had, but Anne knew that Fred’s business wasn’t yet where it should be and that the parents Barry were still unimpressed with their son in law to be’s financial acumen. So she’d had to go to Roy, who had of course lent his beautiful Anne the money, and of course had arranged for Marilla to be treated at the best hospital in Toronto, of course had set them up in the apartment of a friend of his right in downtown where the rents were a thousand maybe two per month. He’d popped the question for the third time the second Marilla had been released back into Anne’s care. 

Almost as if he can hear her thoughts, Gilbert speaks -- “Gardner shouldn’t be harassing you like this either. Who ever heard of charging interest on a loan to a friend? And what on earth does he think he’s going to take from you if you just don’t pay?” 

Anne burns. This, she hasn’t told Marilla, nor even her darling Diana. For some reason, it seems alright to tell Gilbert. “The farm,” she mumbles.

Gilbert snorts. “I’m sorry, I must have misheard. Are you saying that Roy Gardner, heir to one of the biggest fortunes in Boston and your ex boyfriend, took your home as collateral on a loan for money you needed to pay for your mother’s surgery?” 

Anne says nothing. She still hasn’t looked up at him, hasn’t been able to meet his gaze since she sat down on the bench and told Roy to get up off his knees and wait two months for either his money or her affirmative answer. She blinks, having mercifully forgotten that Gilbert was present for that last bit. She hopes he’s forgotten too. 

“And wait, before he left you said....” No such luck. “Anne!” Anne’s sure her entire head must be flame as she closes her eyes, bringing her knees up on the park bench and burying her face into her own lap. “Anne you said you’d marry him if you couldn’t get the money!” 

“There’s no debt between spouses,” Anne mumbles. “We’d get to keep the farm, and I wouldn’t ever worry about Marilla’s health again.” 

“But you don’t love him!” She doesn’t know if she’s ever heard Gilbert sound so scandalized. 

“I used to!” she tries to retort, but even Anne knows that her voice betrays her when she tries to speak this lie. “I used to think I was,” she amends, “and maybe that’s as close as I’m allowed to get -- he’s rich, handsome, he even loves me! What more could I ask for?” 

“Coercing you into marriage, demanding interest on money that we all know is just pocket change for someone like him...that’s not love,” Gilbert Blythe responds, with all that....that all-knowing Blytheness in his voice that Anne has hated since she was 13 years old and the new kid in a class of people who had always known each other just as easily as they had known themselves. “Love is selfless, Anne, strong and kind. It makes you better for giving away your heart, even if the one you love doesn’t give you theirs in return.” 

Gilbert Blythe, always acting as if he knows something Anne does not. He speaks as if he’s been in love, at some point over the years since he was last in Avonlea and for some reason Anne absolutely burns with that knowledge. Ooh she just hates him, now at 24 just as easily as she had at 13! 

“And what exactly is love worth if it means I just lose the farm trying to pay for Marilla’s surgery, and still have nothing for the next time she’s sick?” Suddenly Anne is on her feet, hands on her hips as she glares at Gilbert looking quite alarmed as he still sits on the bench. The words she has kept locked on the inside, too private to even be written in a diary, come pouring out in one big rush:

“Three of my four parents are already dead, Gilbert Blythe.” Her voice hitches, to her horror, her sudden fury vanishes as she has to blink away the tears she has kept at bay since she and Marilla buried Matthew. Damn Gilbert, for bringing this out of her as well. “I can’t...I couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.” Her lips thin, and with a breath, her voice steadies. “I don’t care what you, or anyone else thinks about my choices if it means that I can take care of Marilla.” 

Gilbert’s eyes have the sheen of his own tears when he stands, his own lips wobbling just slightly. “I...” he swallows. “Of course, Anne.” Something Anne recognizes as self hatred passes briefly over his face, but she doesn’t understand. “I wish I had money like Gardner to give you, I really do.”   

Anne gentles, even if something inside her twists to be the object of the long-old guilt mixed with pity, much less Gilbert Blythe. Since Matthew’s death, every person in Avonlea it seems has sat with Anne and Marilla and offered their deep condolences, their absolute shock at the pair’s financial state of affairs, how much they wish they could help but sadly cannot, what with the way the bank’s collapse has hit their own finances. Only families like the Gardners survive economic crashes with money to burn. 

“I wouldn’t have taken it even if you had,” she offers instead, shrugging casually. 

His eyes flash. “But you took Gardner’s?” 

“I thought he loved me!” Anne closes her eyes, somehow feeling her cheeks flush even deeper. This is why she’s avoided all mention of Gilbert Blythe so strenuously since high school graduation, because more than anyone else he is the one who drags out the words she is always learning to keep inside. Here he is, somehow pulling confessions Anne hadn’t even dreamed of telling Diana, confessions that make her seem small, and stupid, lost in a world so much more complicated and treacherous than she can handle all on her lonesome. 

Well, she thinks, in for a penny -- 

“I thought he loved me,” she says, “and that he had the money to spare. I didn’t realize...” She looks away again, so that she never has to see him react to her folly. 

“Oh Anne,” Gilbert says, for some reason so soft and stricken that Anne’s knees go weak with her sudden desire to fall to the ground and weep. “You deserve so much better.” 

And now she’s angry again. “What would you know about what I deserve?” Anne spits, “you haven’t even been home since you started med school!” Vaguely, Anne thinks that Gilbert hasn’t been home since she and Roy had gotten serious, serious enough for her to bring him to Green Gables and show him the place that had been her very first love. Coincidences can be so strange. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she says, glaring again at the ground. “None of this matters. I’m just going to go home” Anne clenches her jaw, knowing that when she gets back to Green Gables she will go into her room and play every excruciating part of this conversation back in her head, again and again until she throws up or passes out at dawn from sheer exhaustion. Maybe both, if she’s lucky. She leans back slightly and manages to turn around on her heels, a trick Gilbert Blythe had always pulled at school and had had girls thinking he was so cool.

She’s five minutes away from the park bench when suddenly she hears him call out her name. 

“Anne,” he shouts again much closer, bending at his waist to balance his hands at his knees as he pants. “God, it really has been two years since I was on the university football team.” 

Despite the roiling emotions of five minutes ago, Anne’s lips quirk. “I can’t imagine you all practiced very much to end up near the bottom of your league every year.” 

Gilbert’s eyes widen, and for some reason he flushes. Maybe he’s so out of shape that it’s from exertion? “I didn’t realize you kept up with my matches.”  Ah. Anne, it seems, will experience nothing else but one long sustained flush as long as she is in front of Gilbert Blythe. “You know,” she tries to say casually, “you hear things here and there. Diana told me the village gossip.” 

Gilbert opens his mouth, but then suddenly shakes his head, like a dog trying to dislodge water from its fur. “I have...” he frowns. “I have a proposition for you.”  Anne raises what she hopes is an elegant eyebrow. “Oh?” 

He grimaces. “There’s a boarding school, a Catholic one, that’s asking for teachers over the summer for a few of their select students who want to be coached for college admissions. Essays, standardized tests, everything. They’ve got heaps of money, and are willing to pay salaries up front. Plus, they cover all your expenses while you’re there!” 

Anne blinks, feeling the beginnings of hope gather as kindling at the very dredges of her heart. Once, both Anne and Gilbert had competed so well against each other that they had both gotten into Harvard. Then, Matthew had died, and Anne decided she could just as easily get a teaching degree at the state school and stay closer to Marilla too. Gilbert alone had had the distinction of being the first from Avonlea to reach such heights, and had reached even higher when he had been accepted again to Harvard Medical School. 

But at one point, both Anne and Gilbert had taken their SATs. They’d both written their application essays. They’d both gotten in. Anne, even, had been offered a full ride compared to Gilbert’s only partial scholarship, so there could even be an argument that of the two, Anne had been the one on top. 

And if nothing else, Anne is even better at teaching than she was at taking tests. 

“I’ll do it,” she says firmly. “Where and when do I need to report, and how much money are they offering?”  For a second, a bright, dazzling grin paints Gilbert’s face. “Really? Ten--” he coughs, “Twenty thousand.” Anne frowns. 

“Each?” It sounds like a dream come true. Five thousand more than Anne needs, and paid upfront. She could save the farm, and put away five thousand towards the farm’s debts. “That sounds....exorbitant.”  He nods, suddenly more confident. “Yep! Twenty thousand for sure.” He laughs. “I know Gardner was supposed to be slumming it at state school, but you really can’t be surprised at how much money rich people are willing to throw at a problem.” 

“The problem being...their children.”  Gilbert’s grin turns wicked. “The problem being their children’s SAT scores, and lack of compelling anecdote to base an admission’s essay on, yes.” 

Anne laughs, wicked in this moment as well. She wishes in this moment, fiercely, as she has many times over the last few years, that she had been able to go to university with Gilbert at her side -- as the friends they had slowly begun to be after years of one and two sided enmity, before time and distance had turned them into near strangers. She doesn’t regret staying back, not really, but there is a part of her that no one had ever understood half as well as Gilbert Blythe, who had, after the Harvard interest meeting, drawn and pinned up a schedule for practice SATs that took into account both his and Anne’s often conflicting life schedules. 

“What’s the catch,” she asks, grinning when Gilbert chokes “come on, Blythe, there’s always a catch with offers like this. Is it across from a waste manufacturing plant? Is the principal a pervert?” 

Slowly, Gilbert Blythe is turning red. “Ah,” he says, shuffling like he never did even when he was an errant schoolboy. “Well,” he says, and....is that his voice cracking? 

“Gilbert,” Anne says, trying to reassure him, “I grew up in the foster system, I can handle much worse than bad smells and pervert principals, I promise.” 

He frowns. “It’s not that,” he says slowly, “but basically they’re looking for two teachers, a man and a woman to manage the boys and the girls while the rest of the staff go on vacation.” 

Anne smiles, trying to ignore the jolt of her heart at the thought of an entire summer with Gilbert, studying like they used to but as friends. Her old dreams, finally coming true. “That’s perfect then, you take one job and I’ll take the other! It’ll be like old times, kind of.” 

He smiles faintly, as if, even after locking horns with the best and brightest at Harvard, Anne is still the person he wants to be trading barbs with over the heads of high school students for months on end. “I’d like nothing better, he says, except...” 

“Except?” 

Gilbert inhales. “ExceptTheSchoolWillOnlyHireAMarriedCoupleSoThatTheyDon’tHaveToWorryAboutOutofWedlockSexorTeachersHavingSexWithStudents.” All in a rush, and now Gilbert is the one who can’t apparently handle eye contact.

“What?” 

“The school,” Gilbert says to his shoes, “since it’s Catholic, and also since they’re lazy, only want a married couple so that they don’t have to have anyone watching to make sure the teachers aren’t having sex with the students. Or each other.” 

Anne blinks. “But we’re not married!” 

Gilbert grimaces, opening his mouth, but then just biting his lip. They could be, Anne thinks, only a tad hysterical. Only all of Avonlea was matching them up all the years of high school, and even the years after until she’d met Roy. It would be so easy to get a certificate. They could get a divorce by September, even annul their marriage since they definitely wouldn’t be having sex. 

Twenty thousand dollars. 

“So what you’re saying,” Anne says slowly, her lip curling of its own accord “is that after all that talk about what love is and isn’t, and telling me that I shouldn’t marry Roy for the money he’d give me, your blockheaded solution is instead, for me to marry you?” 

Gilbert looks up. “Well when you put it that way--”  Anne sees red, even as she already sees herself in one of her old white lace dresses, standing with Gilbert at the courtroom and signing. “Gilbert Blythe I don’t believe you! Sometimes, I think that you really do have all the emotional capacity of that slate I broke over your head!” 

“I know,” he says tone heavy with something so sad that Anne’s hearten softens a bit of its own accord. “But you really need the money, and I promise we’ll get a divorce by September.” He smiles, but there’s something bitter at the corners that Anne has never seen before -- she almost raises her hand to rub the strand of emotion off his lips. “And you’re not the only one who needs the money. Will you do it?” 

Twenty thousand dollars. The farm, Marilla, an end to the eternal pity of Avonlea. And also, a small part of her suggests, an opportunity to finally spend time with this new Gilbert Blythe who went off into the world and left her behind. 

She sighs. “I vote that you be the one to tell Mrs. Lynde.” 

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Power Transfer

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

One for all is a power that has been passed down for generations. Turns out the most recent generation can afford to be a whole lot more liberal with his sharing. Also turns out sharing quirks runs in the family.

An AU where Izuku can share OFA full cowling with multiple people at once.

shared power ofa,

izuku giving aizawa 5% of one for all durring the usj or izuku giving toshinori 99% of OFA durring the last fight

cause consider the world never finding out about small might, all might retires but izuku knows

the rescue team all having the max amount of ofa they can use, which is around 2% each, cause a lil sparking team of heroes

izuku using kirishima to give bakugo some too n them using it to get away

izuku having two quirks is my favourite goddamn thing bc him being able to share his quirk but not having anything to share is great

he gives bits to allmight, like a constant 1% so he can teach classes and do press stuff

some rando wants to do an "all might" where is he now segment and it spans a good few months so izuku is continuously in the background just

conspiracy theory starts that izuku is a villain or allmights son

a villain and all might's son

izuku has no double toe joint but the doc cant find any evidence of a quirk? so he tells them izuku is either quirkless or has an invisible quirk. something subtle, or specific enough to have not activated by now

bakugo kinda,, is chill with izuku. he was waiting for izuku to develop a quirk till he judged him, but he never did so he kinda withheld judgement long enough for them to become decent friends

anyway, izuku likes to ramble about different things his quirk could technically be, bakugo likes to join in. they can go at this for h o u r s cackling about stupid hypotheticals

they workout together, they both do boxing and try out random moves they see on the internet on each other. they have a pile of gym mats in the woods like the weirdos they are

bakugo is like,, convinced izuku's quirk is actually an intellect up but he just shrugs

izuku has to grab something before he heads home so he takes the underpass and we get basically episode 1 from there. all might says no, the villain gets away, attacks Bakugo. izuku runs in, throws dust in the villain's eyes and pulls at bakugo's hands. all might jumps in, saves the day yada yada

some background for u about all might bc his past is a touch different here. during the battle with afo, afo was distracted. all might sustained the same injures but won more easily.

night eye never looks into his future because "my purpose is done, nighteye. let's live like everyone else, no fate of the world on our shoulders" he never looks into all mights future again at his request

they stay together

so instead of the big argument they go get ramen and get drunk because they don't have to be superhuman anymore, they can relax now

back to the main timeline-

so izuku is already fit, cleans the beach in 8 months, nighteye supervises

all might gives izuku the quirk 2 months before the entrance exam, nighteye is there to "oversee" (he wants to see izuku choke on a hair and laugh at this kid hes become pretty fond of)

also mirio! is izuku's bro because i love he

izuku eats the hair and gets the quirk like, instantly which?? is confusing nighteye and all might. nighteye has like,,, hidden behind a car because hes the only person with self-preservation

allmight touches izuku and the lightning climbs up his arm and he just pOofs out into swolmight. hes ShooK, so is izuku

anyway, he manages to turn it off and izuku is just standing there like "oh my god what the fuck"

"izuku,, what,, happened there"

",,,, one for all??? leaked out??? into allmight????"

...

"nighteye come over here."

"izukU nO"

"STAND STILL NIGHTEYE I JUST NEED TO TRY SOMETHING"

nighteye is forcibly given a little of ofa and regrets a lot of stuff

anyway, izuku breaks an arm trying to use ofa and hes muttering trying to work out how to use it, nighteye basically says "well, think back to how ofa came about" and izuku is like ",,, what"

and nighteye screams because TOSHI YOU DIDNT TELL HIM?????? and allmight ",,, o o p s"

so izuku gets to hear the story of all for one while hes being driven to UA for recovery girl hes,,, really quiet for a second

"when did you fight him?"

"six years ago, april?"

",,, this has to be a coincidence"

hisashi went out on a "business trip" 6 years ago and they haven't seen him since. he calls, but hes never visited and izuku has this terrible feeling

because izuku cant calm down and because nighteye thinks this kid might be on to something they call tsukauchi and he agrees to meet them at UA

izuku gets treated, naomasa is in v quickly afterwards before he calls his dad he turns to nighteye, allmight and Naomasa

"i've never been able to lie to my dad. i thought he was just really good at reading me but,,"

"if hes afo he might have a quirk"

"yeah. so i'll just twist the truth. im good at that, but thats all i'll be able to do"

anyway, he calls up his dad and slaps this big grin on his face. the phone is on speaker

"hey dad!!!!" "izuku! is something wrong?"

"oi, cant i call my dad for no reason?"

"you, willingly calling someone? dont make me laugh"

izuku giggles despite himself

"anyway, you'll never guess!!"

"did youuuu,,,, hmmmm, meet all might?"

they freeze but izuku just laughs

"yeah,, but thats not the most exciting thing!!! my quirk came in finally"

"oh?"

"yeah! imagine the worlds most basic power enhancer, but i can share the energy! you have any idea where that could have come from?"

"no! i can't think of anyone in our family with a quirk like that! sounds crazy!"

naomasa looks grin, and mouths "liar"

izuku pales but keeps his smile

"do you think you could visit, id love to show you!! oh, maybe we could test it together! you always had the best ideas for my quirk notes"

"id love to izuku, but im stuck in america for the near future, you know it is. i'll see what i can do tho, ok champ?"

naomasa shakes his head again "lying" izuku looks like hes going to be sick. nighteye is pale, all might looks stunned. izuku grits his teeth but his voice is still light and happy

"i'm gonna make it into UA so you can watch me kick butt from america! you better cheer me on!"

"im looking forward to it. say hi to your mother from me."

naomasa nods. hes telling the truth. that makes nighteye feel the sickest

"love you izuku"

",,, love you too dad"

izuku hangs up the phone and retches into the bin. nighteye is shaking. all might storms out. naomasa punches the wall

izuku looks up with tears in his eyes

",,, does my mum know?"

nighteye wants to cry

"i dont know kid"

izuku tells katuski that his quirk finally came in! but,,, in the worlds biggest mess of a way

basically hes lying in bed, trying to work out why he can't use it without breaking bones but the people he shares it with can, he bolts upright

"POWER MODULATION OH MY GOD"

he runs out his door all the way to bakugos house and climbs in through his window, grabbing a sleeping bakugo by the shoulders

"KACCHAN ITS POWER MODULATION"

"IZuKU whAt tHE fuCK"

"my quirk!!! i was breaking bones because i wasnt modulating it!!!"

",,,,q QUiRK/???/?"

",,,, oh yeah oops"

mitsuki runs in with a frying pan ready to murder a villain but its just izuku

"carry on"

izuku doesnt tell him its ofa but he explains his quirk has finally showed up, bakugo asks him if hes registered it yet

",,,noooooo"

"wait what? you, breaking the law? mister "i cant kill an ant because all might himself will call me a villain""

izuku, w the most shit-eating grin, explains that you only legaly have to register your quirk when it shows up, or after you are tested when you are five, whichever happens first so, legally, he doesnt need to register because it would be seen as voluntary updating

cut to the enterance exam

aizawa is holding the papers for the kids hes observing right then

"quirkless? that kid doesn't look quirkless"

and yagi sighs

"of course he didnt,,,"

"all might? do you know him?"

"NO NO IDEA WHO MID- THAT YOUNG CHILD IS"

",,,, r i g h t"

“aizawa listen i have never seen young midoriya in my life ever”

basically, izuku is hiding the "transfer" part of his power from most people bc hes stubborn and thinks it could be useful

also,,, in this au shinso makes it in on hero points thanks

bakugo is about to rush the 0 pointer but shinso can see its going to fall on him shinsou yells

"HEY FUCK FACE"

"HA-"

"MOVE MOVE MOVE GET OVER HERE BEFORE YOU FUCKING DIE OH MY GOD MOVE I DONT WANT TO SEE SOMEONE DIE TODAY"

shinsou and bakugou are the type of friends that flat out have no love for each other but would punch anyone who says anything bad abt the other. like shinsou walks into school and bakugou s just

“dammit i thought u fucking died smh”

“i wish i did then i wouldn’t have to look at ur ugly ass”

in this au shinso and izuku bond when they are standing outside they door bc izuku looks like hes gonna fucking cry hes so scared and shinsou is like "wow big mood"

shinso is not shinson in this au! bc izuku is gonna do a soft

basically, quirk test? shinsou is s w e a t i n g bakugo looks a little worried for his new friend but no one would notice if they weren’t izuku

shinsou turns to him like "my quirk is mental im going to fa I L"

izuku grabs his hand and he feels this rush of energy, you can almost see it dancing along his skin. izuku grins

"i think you'll find you do just fine"

(izuku gave him like,, less than a full 1% but hes like doubled in strength and speed and hes??? shook?? bc whats happening)

aizawa is lost bc shinso has a mental quirk he shouldnt be doing this well, so he tries to cancel it

nothing happens and aizawa is so lost??? bc shinsou is kinda reedy and not super fit but hes placing solidly in the middle

and he noticing that shinso’s eyes seem to be glowing and so are they eyes of the kid coming in second and gives a big "hm,mmmm"

anyway, ball pitch, he cancels izukus quirk and turns to look at shinso, his eyes are dim. izuku looks sheepish but also like hes ready to throw down and its an interesting look

aizawa just sighs "you know what? just throw the ball."

izuku g r i n s and yeets it into next year using more of his quirk than he like,, really should have? to prove a point (his finger is bruised, not broken. he used 25%)

anyway aizawa shows the results, shinso is in the middle, izuku second, hagakure is last and sadly shes not getting expelled bc plot reasons – im sorry I have a thing against her shes perfectly valid probably im just still convinced shes the traitor even tho its totally a teacher

he calls izuku out on it but does admit he didnt say you couldnt help eachother, so its kind on him. shinso looks like hes going to pass out with relief

Hagekure is the traitor in this au though, 100%

during the camp she is at the pick up zone, hiding. izuku pulls bakugo out of the way, they all seem safe

but

she pushes izuku in through the portal as it closes

fyi afo takes her quirk and leaves her braindead in the nomu factory bc shes not useful anymore. also because now he needs to have a really awkward conversation with his son he was hoping to avoid

also usj? is really melodramatic

he gives aizawa 4% which is the max nighteye could hold without it hurting

aizawa takes a hit from the nomu and he reaches out his hand

izuku cries as he gives him an extra 4% and aizawa gets free but he can see bruises forming with every step his teacher takes

[skiasurveys]

494

Name: skia

Country: Canada

Age: 23

Gender(s): female

Height: 5’1

weight: 145

eye color: brown

skin color: white

Heritage: French, Swedish and Ukrainian

Relationship status: taken

Are you physically healthy? Yes and no

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?: none atm

school: Rdc

Favs:

Animal: wolf

Flower: don’t have one

Movie: the lion king

TV show: this is us

Music: classic rock

Band: queen

Video Game: animal crossing

Gaming Console: ps4 or switch

Name: don’t have one

Person: jennifer

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah

2: Do you love them? Of course

3: Are you still in love with an ex?no

4: How many people have you dated? Like 4

5: Do you think you’ll get married? I’m not sure

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship? -

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? Yeah I always apologize after

8: Whats important to you in a relationship? Communication and loyality

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them) before we lived together , yes but since we live together now he doesn’t need to text me every day cus we see each other daily but if he’s gone away then yeah lol

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I mean maybe but also no..

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have? Like 5

2: What type of friend are you? I’m not sure. The one who makes jokes

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah I think the longest js 13 years

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none? I have 2

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why? Yeah

6: Do you get along with family? Yes

7: Do you have a family member you hate? A few lol

8: Does your family accept who you are? Yeah

9: Are you an only child or have siblings? Sister

10: Do you have parents that still live together? My dad died so

School:

1:What grade are you in? Not in school

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)? College technically

3: Whats your favorite class? Art

4: Do you have a fav school year? Prob grade 12 was the best lol

5: Are you a good student? I was

6: Do you think homework is good or bad? I think it’s stupid. I think kids should only do homework if they don’t finish in class. But it’s not fair to them.

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills? Yeah

8: Is your GPA high or low? Middle

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener? I rather listen

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs) nah

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight? Lose

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1) yeah lmaoo

3: Do you like to go to the doctors? No I get anxious

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work? Nope I don’t think so

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yeah a few times I think I had covid lol

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate it but it always makes me feel better after

7: Have you ever coughed up blood? No

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yeah

9: Do you lie to your doctor? No

10: Have you ever taken too much advils? Yup

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness? I have A few

2: Do you take anti-depressants yes

3: Are you mentally stable? No lmao

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? No

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? Bad but I get why ppl do it bc they don’t have access

7: Should we give more money to mental health research? Yes!!

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders? Some maybe like anxiety possibly but most are jsut cus your brain is fucked

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders) Nope. Only wouldn’t date someone who had a mental health condition if it affected me very negatively

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yeah

SEX

1: Virgin? No

2: what age did you lose it? 19

3: Did you take sex ed? Yeah from 4-12 grade

4: Does size matter? Sometimes....

5: Whats your favorite poistions? I like doggy or cowgirl

6: Does virginity exist? I mean I guess

7: Do you think sex is overated? Ehh no i

8: Is making love and fucking different? Yeah one is romantic other can be just for pleasure and to cum

9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? Yes

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? I mean technically yeah but I also think no I think virginity should be a consent thing

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde []Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [x] Average []Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : []Hair [x]Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes []smile [x]teeth []skin [] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large []Ugly [x]Pretty

8: I have a hard time: [x]Finding something to wear []Making Friends [] making food []staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed [x]Looking for a job

10: I love: [x]the moon [c]the sun [x]the stars [x]our galaxy [x]planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

[redrobin-detective]

I got off night shift and am running on 2 hours sleep so hear me out: Shazam AU where Billy acts like Five Hargreeves from the Umbrella Academy.

So let’s say 10 year old Billy Batson was blessed by the powers of the Wizard when he is a child in the 1940s. Either on purpose or do to some cosmic accident, this locks Billy permanently as a 10 year old despite the fact that he continues to learn and grow mentally. Flash forward to the 2010s, Billy is in his 70s mentally but still looks 10 years old. He’s not very happy about it.

- The League discovers Billy is a child and they freak out a little bit. “who let this BABY be a superhero” and Billy just kind of snaps. He’s been playing to people’s expectations for decades and, y’know what? he’s damn tired of it. He unleashes all his old man grievances, yes he’s the same Captain Marvel that’s been around since the 40s and he’s been fighting monsters as a pre-pubescent longer than you assholes have been alive so lay off. What do you even say to that.

- Billy lives by himself in a modest home he owns and paid for, he does online work, invests and stocks and has a pretty decent savings because, as a child, he can’t find real work. He has a bullshit ‘foster family’ who lives with him and “takes care of him”, he hires actors when he needs people to play the part. He makes claims to be homeschooled to avoid the horrors of public education but he still has to change names every now and again to avoid suspicion and do the whole thing over again.

- He is still is a genuinely kind, caring soul worthy of Shazam but MAN does it suck being a functionally immortal child in the real world. He curses a lot more, unconsciously tends to patronize other heroes who are babies compared to him, likes veing around older immortals (Diana) bc he likes feeling young and human as stupid and backwards as it sounds.

- Has mastered the cute little kid act, is 200% willing to lie and manipulate adults into doing what he wants with his cute dimples and sparkling blue eyes. The League watches with horror as he charms the pants off of someone for info then turns around with a blank expression like a wearied businessman and moves on with his life.

- Also technically CAN die, he’s just not aging and is kind of stuck as he is forever. Still bound by mortal laws and he’s got an impressive set of scars from nearly 7 decades of running around being a hero. He’s started to lose track of where he got some of those scars but it makes the League sick every time he’s seen without his concealing clothes on.

- Curses the Wizard. A lot. Almost every time he calls upon the Wizard’s name it’s proceeded by an excessive amount of swear words for intentionally or not, putting him in this situation. (You mother fucking bitch ass Shazam!) Is the old man still alive? Can he hear Billy tear him a new asshole every time he transforms? Who knows but it DOES give the League a small heart attack every time. 

- Gives lots of life advice, he’s still a good bean, he wants to help people. He calls Superman “son” and gives him pointers on how to make use of his ‘aw shucks’ charm that’s Captain Marvel’s staple. Will help you with anything, he’s been doing Hal’s taxes for years. Is especially protective of the kid sidekicks, he’s so so much older than him but he still remembers being a scared boy with too much power and would burn the whole world to keep them safe.

- Still a tiny boy with tiny boy needs, gets sleepy early, has a tiny bladder, sometimes has trouble with cognitive dissonance and other higher level brain functions because, physically, his brain is permanently 10. Every now and again will break into the League’s liquor cabinet and go to town because he is Very Tired of Existing thank you and he needs to take the edge off. Usually only gets through half a glass before he pukes and passes out.  

- Back when he was first Shazam, it took him a little while to realize he wasn’t growing like the other kids. It was around this time he met his foster family (the other Marvels) and fell so in love with them. He realized he could share his powers with him but refused because he was so scared they would become like him, forever children. He stays with them as long as he could until he couldn’t hide the fact from the adults that he wasn’t like the other kids. Still stays in contact with them now that they’re old. When the last of them die, he’ll have lost his last connection to the person he used to be before Shazam. He sometimes regrets not taking the chance and having them all be in same boat together but he also is happy they got to experience a full, real life

- Billy is a good person at heart, still a self-sacrificing idiot and still sees the good in people. He’s reserved, less open and less naive then canon Billy. He has a quiet maturity about him that sometimes boils over into curses and cutting sarcasm when he just gets too Tired. Overall he’s gotten used to his situation and accepts it as his lot in life but he’s much happier since officially joining the League, he feels like less of a freak surrounded by other heroes in equally weird situations. The League never knows what to make of this manchild and just settles on fond affection mixed with a bit of discomfort.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Episode 5: The Incredibly Brief Life of Mif Mifterson

As we’re waiting to start and admiring the ship model of Blindsider that the DM has created since session 4.2, we move our character icons around. Grif’s appears at the ship’s gunning position. 

H: So, how edgy is Grif today? :) 

M, laughing: GUN 

M also said at one point “ah, Grif, that poor little stringbean.” To which H replies “Stringbean? Why stringbean? I mean, all humans are stringbeans to Rralwarr...” 

As we start the session, M brings up something we’d been discussing in the group chat in between sessions. I had looked again at the anonymous threatening transmission again, in the process of typing of Episode 4. “You have taken our property” is one of the first things mentioned. What property? After us all throwing some (wildly inaccurate) theories around in the group chat I had a realization and approached the DM about it. He confirmed my suspicions. He’d also mentioned it to the other players, so they knew, but their characters didn’t in-game, and I hadn’t quite explained it yet either. So M asked me about it. 

I said Taveau was staring at the transmission again and invited him to start the conversation. Taveau is... even less forthcoming than usual, and asks Grif what he thinks, first. 

Grif: Well I mean that’s a good question. Is it the ship? 

Rralwarr: Maybe they’re being absolutely massive jerks and it’s actually the tracking device. 

Taveau: No... I don’t think so. 

Grif: Well, why not? Do you think you know what it is, then? 

Taveau: ... I hope I’m wrong, but. I’ve got an idea. It might be me. 

Grif: You? Why would it be you? 

Taveau: I used to be a member of Death Watch. I hoped they’d thought I was dead, but if not... they probably have... a special death planned for me. 

Rralwarr is growling menacingly. Taveau fidgets. 

Taveau: I--alright. Rralwarr? Did you choose to become a bodyguard, or is that just what you were raised to do? 

Rralwarr hesitates for a moment before replying (and Grif translates): 

Rralwarr: I... I did, yes. There was a conscious choice. 

Taveau: That must be nice. I probably had a choice somewhere in there, but I didn’t realize it until it was too late. 

Rralwarr: ? 

Taveau: My parents raised me with the expectation that I’d join Death Watch as soon as I was old enough. By the time I was 15 I was having second thoughts, but I didn’t see an easy way to get out of it. 

H: Rralwarr stops growling and moves away from you. He stands with his back to you. He’s obviously not happy, but he’s not threatening you. 

It could be worse. It takes a certain amount of trust to turn your back on someone, at least, even if it’s to visibly sulk at them. 

Grif: Why are we talking about the past? We need to find a place to land. 

Taveau, with relief: You, I like you. Tell me where to land, I don’t know this planet. 

Grif: Well, let’s think about this. If we land too close to home it’ll be too obvious. I think if we head for the capital we have a better chance of blending in with all the traffic. And we should land at a middle-class spaceport, it’ll be busy, and not the kind of place we’d usually go. 

Rralwarr: Yeah, that’s going to be difficult. We still look like us. 

Grif: But there’s not much we can do about that right now, we’ll just have to hope no one recognizes us. 

Taveau: ...So are you guys, like, royalty? 

Grif: Not exactly, no. I mean, we’re well-known in our city, but we’re not exactly big intergalactic stuff. If you live on the other side of Alderaan you might know our name. 

Me: M, you said “not exactly” and Taveau heard “so basically kind of yes”. 

We discuss trying to disguise Rralwarr and give it up as an impossible task, for the moment at least. Taveau takes off his armor and poncho, folds the armor up inside his poncho and carries it under his arm like a bag. 

Decisions made, we head down towards the planet and are contacted from the ground by space-air traffic control. 

Ground: Transport Blindsider, identify yourself. Please note that security measures have been heightened in wake of the recent assassination. 

Grif, in an excellent imitation of a complete idiot: Assassination?! Wot!! 

Ground: Yes, a member of Alderaan’s most prominent families has been killed under mysterious circumstances. (Taveau quietly reinforces his belief that the Welkonnas are some kind of royalty. He’s not 100% clear on how this works on other planets but everyone knows them so obviously...) ...Transport Blindsider, do you copy? 

Grif: YES. AH. SORRY, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES--*turns to Rralwarr* what do I do? 

Rralwarr: *I don’t know noise* Wrahh? 

Grif:--whoops there we go just had to fix something ANYWAY, YES HELLO, MY NAME IS MIF MIFTERSON. (ridiculously high deception roll) 

M, OOC: Haha Mif, bc I’m very miffed

Ground: Understood, Mr. Mifterson. I’m seeing you have two other lifeforms on your ship? 

Grif/Mif: YES, um, I have my friend... Chewbacca, 

Rralwarr: What

Grif: And, uhhh Tyrone Fireside. 

Taveau: *slightly disappointed look* ok whatever

DM: I mean, with that roll, you could’ve said anything and they would’ve believed you. 

Ground: Alright. Transport Blindsider, you’ve been cleared for landing in docking bay 94. 

(We take a moment to appreciate the reference, which one party member recognized; I needed to be told that that was the same number as the docking bay in which the original Star Wars party found the Millennium Falcon way back in A New Hope.) 

Ground: Enjoy your stay in Alderaan! 

Grif the Mif: Thanks! 

We land safely and get out of the ship. We are immediately greeted with Alderaanian customs officers. Grif, trying to feel out how much he needs to lie to these people, asks “So, hey, do any of you know the guy from space traffic control?” 

The DM asks him to make a deception roll for these new people and he crit fails it. 

Customs officer: Sir we have reason to believe you lied about your identity on the way in. Put your hands up and step away from the ship.

Grif: Oh... uh... Okay. 

Taveau drops his poncho bundle, which makes a VERY SUSPICIOUSLY LOUD metallic clonk. Naturally that’s the first thing they investigate. 

Customs officer: Battle armor, huh? 

Taveau: *stands very, very still* 

Rralwarr, meanwhile, tries to hand his ID card one of the officers and is requested to STOP MOVING, drop the card and lower his arms in front of him. He’s put in binder cuffs. 

M, responding to “nobody move” : the only thing moving is me/Grif, and that’s just my mouth. 

Me: THAT’S BAD ENOUGH. 

Grif: OK guys, listen up. I’ll admit it, I lied, and I’ll tell you why, I’m Grif Welkonna, I’m worried about what happened and I didn’t want to talk about my name over unsecure channels. You can find my ID in the bag there, this is my bodyguard Rralwarr, and this is our pilot Taveau.

Taveau: *small voice* hi

Customs officer: Check their IDs. ...OK. That was an idiotic way of trying to protect yourself, Mr. Welkonna, but I imagine you’re a bit shook up, so we’ll forgive it this time. We’ll take you to see the chief of police, he’s conducting an investigation into the murder. 

Taveau: ...Can I lower my hands now? 

Customs: yes. 

Taveau: Thank you. *does so very slowly* 

Rralwarr: Hey guys? I’m still handcuffed over here. 

That is remedied. 

DM: The customs people hand you over to a regular police escort who then take you in a police speeder. It’s fairly roomy. It’ll be about a 20-minute trip. 

Rralwarr: *whisper-messages something to Grif that I can’t see* 

Grif: *shakes his head* 

Me: *concern* 

H: Rralwarr’s a little confused about what’s exactly going on. He’s usually a little confused. 

Grif asks the officers with us if any of them were involved with the investigation. The answer is no, that’s being handled by forensics. There’s a moment of silence. 

Taveau: ...Hey, Rralwarr. 

H: He doesn’t really respond, but he’s listening. 

Taveau: I... understand if you don’t want to trust me, but just for the record, I hate these guys at least as much as you do. They left me to die in an arena on Geonosis. 

H: Rralwarr doesn’t say anything, not even a grunt. But he’s thinking of the enslaved Wookiees, and he sees it as a point of connection. 

We arrive, the officers escort us into a turbolift (yes, the DM tells H, Rralwarr does fit), and to the police chief’s office. 

DM: He’s sitting behind a large, ornate hardwood desk. Because of course, what else do police chiefs sit behind. The escorts leave, the chief gets up and comes around his desk to shake Grif’s hand. 

PC: Mr. Welkonna, my sincere condolences. I want you to know we have our best men working on it.

Grif: Thank you police chief, it’s very nice to hear you see that.

PC: It’s only my duty. Currently your family is in a safehouse on the other side of the planet. Would you like a police escort? I understand your father is anxiously awaiting your return.

M, OOC: Grif is going to ask what the name of the house is, like, the name the family used when talking about it, to see if this guy’s legit. 

DM: And what is the name? 

M: 

M:.... Fluffyplace.

The Party: what

DM: Acceptable

The Party: WHAT

PC, responding to Grif: it’s.. oh what was it... something to do with... pillows? No. Cloud... oh, fluffy. 

H: Rralwarr is disappoint. 

Taveau: ??? 

Grif: Ah yes fluffyplace, that’s it :) 

M: Grif’s face is utterly straight as he says fluffyplace.

H: Rralwarr does not know how you do this, he questions whether you are or ever were mentally stable. 

Taveau already feels out of his depth enough that he just accepts it as another weird alien thing, but he is wondering who picks the names in this family. 

PC: Alright. I guess you’ll be wanting to leave immediately? I’ll send you down with a couple officers, they’ll take you in an unmarked, armor speeder. So far we’ve had very few leads. Would you like us to send you whatever files we have?

Grif: Yeah that’d be good, Rralwarr might be able to assist. He knows the place where it happened very well. 

We go get in another speeder and prepared for another, much longer ride. The DM suggests we stop here, because he’s been sick and hasn’t been able to prepare as far ahead as he’d planned to, so he doesn’t feel ready to proceed any farther with the story. But before we break up officially, we have some more speeder talks. 

H: After the Geonosis talk, Rralwarr expresses interest in talking to Taveau. Can he assist you in learning Shyriiwook? 

Me: Oh please do. 

(roll of 19) Taveau now understands some basic words and phrases in Shyriiwook. And he is no longer misinterpreting everything he hears. 

H: Rralwarr has significantly calmed down. He’s been considering Taveau’s past actions and also your comment about Geonosis, and he thinks: you have not posed a threat to him or to Grif, so he has no reason to distrust you. That’s what he keeps telling himself, anyway. 

[masterpost]

[circumswoop]

Football Night in America 2: Always Concealing a Secret Doubt

Football Night in America

Jamie Lauren Keiles tweeted “as writers, as we look for opportunities to act, what we can do in the meantime is keep clear personal records of what reality is like now”. I’ve had multiple discussions with friends about the disability of push notifications during the neverending news drip, how it makes us crave distance and how that alone, itself, is alienating, that distance cld ever be a destination. Like flying just for the miles. What we cannot afford to be, as writers or as friends, is distal, even when the body is in decay. Decay doesn’t always hurt, as any dentist looks forward to telling you. Is it hard to stay together? Is staying together a viable form of organization? I texted Ben, how will our data plans ever survive any of this. He texted back, I’m afraid if I unplug from the tl I’ll wake up like Neo naked in a tub of fluid. This was right after I discovered the Russians are flexing on Ukraine again. Delimitation is more than a meme, or maybe not.

What is reality like now. It was Super Bowl weekend in America. The movie star quarterback of the Vegas favorites, praised as a superager and hated for his great qualities, was said to “choke up” when a little kid asked him who his hero is. The vegas favorites were the Patriots, whose name is fake, as proven by the WE ARE ALL PATRIOTS tagline on their merch. The debate over what constitutes fake news, to the extent such a debate is even being had in a society that is essentially debateless, keeps glossing over the cusps of it: that fake news has the same exquisite definition as mansplaining. Mansplaining is not telling a woman something she may not already know, it’s telling her something she already, for sure, knows. Fake news is not news you may not believe or may disagree with, it’s news you generate with the intent to mislead. Both mansplaining and fake news have the same rottenness at core: not just raw self-interest, but the overcompensation of people who believe themselves to be ahead when they are utterly behind. Why do you need to harangue a woman into submission? Because if you don’t, who else will. Like, that’s what the supremacist Right, and the misogynists who operate it, have always cudgeled as truth: that whites, and men especially, are permanently Ahead and enforcement is solely up to You. You are ahead, and you must stay that way. Always look over your shoulder, bc someone is definitely gaining on you.

Trump’s identification with the Patriots is irritating, if only bc Brady and Belichick are the great erotic male literary collaboration of our time.They proved this in the Super Bowl by first not playing to their audience (falling embarrassingly behind) and then playing overtly to their haters (by exerting an ethic that never confuses extraordinary force with medium-term precision). Twitter instantly fell apart with exasperated threads comparing the alleged trauma of this Super Bowl outcome with that of the Election, which is the Super Bowl for fat people.

Carly was the only other one for the Patriots in my closed circle. We agreed Tom Brady is handsome in the Adonisian sense, and not in the red-skinned bro-with-squinty-eyes sense like most jocks. He cld model! she gushed. Wokeness will only get you so far when it comes to American sports, and you can’t just show up for the day and rep the minority city. Atlanta is a new American beauty capital but if its athletes are demonstrably less terrible than Boston’s or anywhere else’s, I’d need to have a look at those findings.

As an extremely shallow person, one of the things that bothers me most about the new regime is how wholly, defiantly unhealthy everyone in it is. From the purple of Sean Spicer’s undereyes to the puce of his pursed lips, from Steve Bannon’s terminal unshavenness to the wattle every last one of them has, Rex W. Tillerson (W. for Wattle) as particular offender, cld their bathrooms all have lighting this bad? Do they not have access to leafy vegetables? Or purified drinking water? Yes, in America commenting on someone’s overt lack of health is definitely shallow, just as the right to look and be unhealthy is a certified letter of aggression. These people will play politics with their own bodies, and repulse us by any means necessary. While there may be something nice about current highly-paid NFL players having fat guts, there is also no word to describe how spectacularly out-of-shape former athletes get. And there should be.

What else was going on? Conrad and Angelo and I went to DJ Spinn’s birthday party at Tokyo Beat and watched the footwork dancers corkscrew themselves into bright bonfires of joy. Watching street dancers is strangely purifying, like thrown birdseed on your day. The bone-breakers on the Red Line haven’t been as active lately, and I wonder why. Maybe they formed a union and are now protected from their dazzling impromptu hat-in-hand protests, their sudden cleansing of the filthiness of the trains. The union will ensure that the bone-breakers and all the other street dancers are guaranteed compensation and health insurance for scapulas they might tear too far. Meanwhile, footwork dancing looks like a first-rate Chris Brown dream, can you tell I have zero clue how to technically break down forms of dance? I put them on an Instagram story but didn’t want the flash to distract so you couldn’t really see much. Conrad ordered a drink. Angelo disappeared into the crowd. I kept watching, mesmerized from the waist down.

Ben and I and two girls from Orange County I met in the Lyft Line went to see some guy play funk and disco records in a warehouse at 4 am. Going out when you’re this wobbly and constantly waiting for some kind of drop feels like when the Wi-fi goes out, like how can we occupy ourselves rn?? A sort-of drawn curtains mentality takes over, and you hope nobody sees you having even the most circumstantial kind of fun, but it’s necessary? Drugs and alcohol suck but at least they don’t lie abt it. Then I got home, or at this point the timeline collapses, but I got home and my Wi-fi really had gone out. It was just me and the Criterion Collection, like Lena Dunham in bed sick with mono in some kind of Google witch hunt.

Ignorant is the Western way of life. Richard Burton says that in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, from the outré black and white universe of 1965. Burton acts from a denomination of power that’s no good anymore, but his restless methodism always finds the enemy like some kind of software. Geopolitics and instincts actually going together is one of the great reliefs of the period spy movie, and now they couldn’t be farther apart. Money has always been the only thing anyone cared abt, and yet the only thing anyone cares abt anymore being money still feels like a plot twist.

In one of those talks with friends, where we practically examine each other’s nail beds for signs of Nazi flesh, she named kleptocracy, autocracy, and fascism and told me no ontological database would support all three being true at once. I said Trump, simply as electoral phenomenon, produced the first two as fluid states, knowing the third would take care of itself. Some people just want to rise so high they don’t have to hate anymore—they can get people to do it for them. Ignorance has never been so much the Western way of life as with these old white people who elevate the unread brief to a form of pulp art, who are nevertheless hilariously, decrepitly, skull-clutchingly in charge of reality again—reality as unclear personal record. Trump, unlike Tom Brady, only thinks he’s a superager. Only white supremacy cld ever explain it, and only a parody of rectitude could ever intervene, interfere, and interlope as much as he and his nightmare of whiteness are.

Remember when the Feed was just libs talking abt television? Yeah, I almost miss it. Most of the television I have watched in 2017 is Hannibal, that hot flash of homoerotic giallo that somehow lasted three seasons on an American network. In the same manner of the Trumps looking rich only to the most depraved poor people, the character of Hannibal Lecter, with his spread collars and foodism, looks tasteful only to the most depraved rich people.

At one point on it, Hannibal tells Will that fanatics are always concealing a secret doubt, which I found amusingly “topical” but not enough to actually tweet it. Skip the blind, or bland, poetics of replacing “fanatics” with “all people” and a very clever recipe for coping emerges: whatever the fanatic says, know that in his heart he is always calling it wrong. That’s living under autocracy.