#bc some people come at them hitting them with the same standards they do with everyone else when thats not how that works

[boywithbear]

back with another opinion that I guarantee has been said before but I think autistic people who don't have an intellectual disability really need to speak to people who do

[friend-dogor]

Oliver Burkeman: There’s so much wisdom in this idea that’s been so prevalent in recent years — that one should praise children for their effort as much as for their attainment, so that they don’t get the idea that they’ve got to maintain a certain standard as a minimum for being acceptable. That doing what they can and bringing themselves to the task is the thing that really matters. And yet I wonder if that doesn’t reinforce the notion that, if something is worth doing, it’s going to feel difficult or grueling or hard in some sense. Ezra Klein: It’s interesting you bring up that wrinkle of modern parenting. To expand on what you’re saying: There’s a very influential school of thought right now among wealthy parents that you don’t want to ever praise children for innate qualities — “You’re smart,” or “You’re such a wonderful human being.” You want to praise them for trying — for their growth mind-set: “I saw that you really worked to do something nice” or “You’re doing such a good job trying hard at this.” What you’re trying to encourage in them is the effort. [Oliver Burkeman makes a noise of discomfort] I get it. And, like you, some part of me is completely repulsed. [Ezra Laughs.] Oliver Burkeman: If we knew how, I think what we would want to do as parents would be to guarantee that we were always just praising our children for being them — as opposed to either putting in the effort or demonstrating certain innate qualities.

a snippet from a recent episode of The Ezra Klein Show called "Burned Out? Start Here."

[uh-oh-its-bird]

Offshoot of my "team Ro time travels to the founders era" post because @prinzgnomeovonchaos infected me with brain rot in the notes

So buckle in baby it's time for

Sakumo and babyKashi time traveling to the warring states ✨️

So first thing to get out of the way; Modern Hatake's and warring states era Hatake's do not hold up to the same standards.

The Hatake's during the states were a very small clan with a very big reputation. Hailing from Iron, they were an almost famous wild clan even all the way in fire country. Distantly related to the Inuzuka's but leaning more towards wolves than dogs.

They had a proper kekkei genkai and everything, unnaturally fast and strong, often born with some form of enhanced senses— be it smell, sight, taste, or even touch. Their white chakra fed into it, and they'd feed their chakra with diets of raw meat and the occasional light cannibalism during some special clan celebrations and rituals.

Unfortunatley Sakumo knows very little about the above because he was very young when his clan was pretty much all wiped out. He was raised by the only other survivor, his grandmother, who was pretty young herself when the clan got wiped, and unfortunatley was never all too concious of many of the rituals and traditions of her clan until it was too late.

Sakumo grew up to village standards and was mostly declawed because of it, and Kakashi is only doubly so. And with that dulling of all the different traditions and specific diets also came the slow fading of their bloodline limit, which was already pretty subtle if you didn't know what you're looking for.

Anyways moving on, and if you want more details for my headcanons ab warring states Hatake's vs modern standard Hatake's look at my other time travel post bc I talk ab it more there.

So Kakashi is like 6 (holy shit he's a BABY baby)

Google keeps giving me conflicting numbers for Sakumo's age at his death so we're just gonna shrug and say he's in his early 30's.

Then for the founders;

Madara (23)

Hashirama (23)

Izuna (19)

Tobirama (18)

Sakumo is staring at these guys going through it bc they are BABIES to him. And like look, he's used to working with or even occasionally under people much younger than him, but like. Oh man that's the shodai hokage. And he's like a toddler.

(He's a 23 year old man but Sakumo is kind of having a crisis so he can't register that)

So like. All the founders have major daddy issues, right? Like we can all agree that's plausible? I'm so sorry I just think it'd be *really fucking funny* if they look at Sakumo and just kinda. Yeah.

You know what I mean.

Anyways;

No idea how they got there!! This is set maybe a week before Sakumo offed himself but now he can't kill himself bc that'd mean abandoning Kakashi to the fucking warring states.

Kakashi fits the warring states standards alarmingly well actually. Honestly I think even for that time period he's still scarily young to be on the field. People are giving Sakumo looks like 'it's so hard what we've been forced to do to our children, the battles we've pushed them into, the things they've seen and done all too young'

Sakumo is going *hrrg.* and having a good long look in the mirror actually. Proper crisis, lots of guilt, Kakashi should not be out in the field this young and at least before he was mostly getting baby missions but now they're stranded in time and keep running head first into trouble.

I want Izuna and Kakashi to fight and even though Kakashi absoloutley should NOT win that battle I want him to win just so that Madara and Tobirama can make fun of him for losing to an actual child

Izuna is mortified he wants that brat DEAD

Uhh I have some more but I'm at work and actually hit post too early on this post so I had to come back to rush add all these edits bc I meant for it to stay a draft I could keep adding too later. So I'll just come add more later fr

[theambitiouswoman]

how do you deal with shame? bc i suffered with severe depression and im just getting my own apartment at 30 years old. i still have no degree, the job i go to in ashamed everyday even though it pays my bills and take care of my kids because i see everyone who i went to high school with graduated and some got their masters. im ashamed of what i been through and ashamed of where im in at my life and im carrying deep deep depression and shame because i feel like im not enough and embarrassed of where im at because i know i could’ve did more with my life.

I really want to answer this because I also remember feeling behind at one point and I definitely remember my friends comparing themselves to me because we didn’t make the same life decisions.

Just want to warn you I’m going to give you some compassion combined with a little tough love.

I’m really, REALLY sorry you’re feeling this way. No matter how different your life looks to others, it’s your life. It’s easy to compare yourself to people who seem to have it all figured out, but their paths aren’t yours. Just because you are seeing someone during the good times in their lives, doesn’t mean it will always be that way or that it won’t be for you when the time is right.

I remember feeling so much judgment because all my friends were married, had serious boyfriends, or kids. Back then, I’d leave our dinners in tears, feeling like a failure. Looking back now, the pressure I felt seems almost comical, but it was painful at the time. For context, I’ve been engaged more than once, yet I wasn’t ready to settle. Now, many of those women are divorced and starting over, often without financial independence, while I’m at a high point in my life and considering settling down on my own terms.

The lesson here is that life isn’t a race or a checklist. It’s not linear, and it doesn’t have to follow a timeline. Some people hit their stride at 20, others at 30, 40, or beyond—and that’s okay. Life is meant to be experienced, not rushed. The lessons we learn along the way shape us. Society’s timelines and standards are just that—standards. You don’t have to follow them to live a fulfilling, meaningful life.

Depression is incredibly hard to deal with, and it’s not something I take lightly. But since you’re committed to working on yourself, it’s so important to remind yourself to keep pushing forward. That said, I think you’re being way too hard on yourself right now. Who wouldn’t feel overwhelmed? But let’s take a step back—you have your own apartment for the first time, which is incredible! You have a job that allows you to provide for your kids, putting food on the table and showing up as a parent who loves them deeply. How lucky are they to have you?

From my perspective, you’re incredibly strong. You’ve faced depression and still found the courage to keep building yourself up. That’s no small feat. Don’t let negative thoughts get in your way—practice reframing them. Instead of focusing on what you feel is lacking, focus on how far you’ve come and the amazing things you’re doing right now. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

You may not like where your life is now, but you have to realize that it is under your control. If you want to change your life now, today, you can. Your life will start to change when you yourself commit to change. And that starts with your thoughts. Work on your perspective. Don’t beat yourself up for what could have happened or didn’t happen because you’re wasting even more time for absolutely nothing. You feel like you’ve wasted years, why would you want to continue wasting any more?

Shame often stems from the story we tell ourselves, so try to shift that narrative. You wouldn’t shame your friends for struggling; you’d remind them of their resilience. Focus on small wins— change your perspective. Start focusing on showing gratitude for the things you do have and what you’ve overcome. Gratitude for everything and anything. Gratitude attracts miracles and abundance. I know this sounds dumb or unrealistic, but it’s true. Besides, it doesn’t hurt to try.

I’m very proud of you and you can do so much more, anything you want if you just had a little bit of faith in yourself. Your worth isn’t defined by what you’ve been through or what you’ve accomplished. It’s defined by the fact that you’re here, trying and pushing forward. That alone makes you more than enough.

[saintwrld]

Money and Love

pairing: shuri x black fem!reader

theme: Daddy Panther meets her lovely sugar baby.

summary: as if life wasn't rainbows and butterflies enough for you, it just got a little more complicated. you try to survive but a certain panther graciously offers her hand to you.

warnings: lots of brand names bc i can, innocent!reader,  panther!shuri, reader's protective and toxic parents, possessive!shuri, cocky!shuri, slight smut, thigh riding, praise kink (from Shuri)

word count: 8.7k words (just walk with me y’all)

translations: sthandwa - love, entle - pretty/beautiful, nkosazana - princess

saints's notes: hello everyone! the lovely @playgurlxoxo came up with this amazinggggg idea so i decided to attempt it 🤭. This is for my people who love a good sugar daddy/sugar baby trope so I hope i reach some people standards. also, can you tell that i love wizkid? no? great!

hope you enjoy!

edit: it took me WEEKS to finish it so y'all better like it! also if there are typos, ignore them!!

taglist: @taiiunknown , @playgurlxoxo, @abenomeiiii, @pinkwright, @verachii, @vampzxi, @izrinmabel1 , @marsology, @inmyheadimobsessed , @heejayy , @prettymrswright , @pantherheart, @sapphicvqmpires, @sariiwritingg, @mbakuetshurisprincess, @zayswriting.

Picking at the warm vegetables on your plate with the food, you listened to your parents converse about your study timetable and how it would need to be adjusted now that your aunt is coming to visit soon.

"I'm telling ya, her grades will be intact whether Melissa is here or not. What you do need to control is your raggedy little sister and she's going to behave in my house. My daughter will graduate from that university with my money in the bank." Your father snapped at your mother the moment she mentioned her younger sister.

Looking at the ticking clock on the wall and seeing the hands hit 2:45. Growing up, that would be your three hour warning mark to finish up any homework and take your ass right to bed to wake up at the crack of dawn because your father wanted you to study. Your friends were your books and maybe your two neighbours, Leilani and Justine.

"I told you, Marcus. You better respect my sister when she gets here. You acting like you the only person contributing money into this home. I work too damn hard to not be given credit." Your mother scoffed, stuffing a mini potato in her mouth as she rolled her eyes at your dad.

He simply sighed, looking at you with the same anger that he held for your mother. The moment you were born, he knew you would inherit everything from your mom and he loathed that. Your mom never told him that she was having a girl and that only pushed him to raise you to be his carbon copy with smarts and it confused you as a child. You cooped yourself up and became 'their precious little angel', staying away from everything the normal kids were doing.

I mean, you only got a phone after your 18th birthday and it only stopped being monitored months ago, giving you freedom to try and find yourself. However, you never gave yourself a chance to explore your personality. You even do college online because of what your parents taught you which is to stay away from people because they all have bad intentions.

"Y/n, take that phone of yours and go outside to take a walk. We need this to be a conversation for grown people." He ordered, immediately making you stand up and take your plate to clean it up. After stepping out of the kitchen, you quickly walked to your room to get changed. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you looked pretty decent with a light pink knit sweater with a pair of jeans with air force ones.

Heading to the front door, you heard your mother's booming voice from the dining room. "Don't go anywhere near some boys. You already look like a target for them." Rolling your eyes, you took the spare house keys and slammed the door shut as you stood on the porch. You could hear the complaints from your parents but you could care less about anything they have to say.

Your current mood was caused by a realisation you had earlier. You have no money neither do you have any financial freedom. There are things you wish you could do but you knew your parents held you back but they're right, the world wasn't a safe place even if they are superheros protecting the universe.

Shaking your head out of your thoughts, you gently knocked on the oakwood door, feeling your hands trembling. As the door opened, her deep ginger hair peeked through the door and a grin was painted her face as she recognised who was at her doorstep.

"Hey neighbour!" Your good friend and neighbour Leilani, greeted you enthusiastically with her arms open, ready to hug you. You accepted the hug and let go once she invited you inside her home.

"Hey Lei..."  You trailed off, admiring her house. It was the complete opposite of what yours was because of the multiple plants adorning her walls and windows along with the vibrant colours of her furniture and how different objects were shaped differently, definitely reflecting her calm yet energetic nature.

Seeing them stop in their tracks in their emerald green kitchen, she turned back to face you with a concerned look on their face. "Nope, I will not allow you to be sad in my house. What's wrong?" Lani ran back to your side and gestured for you to sit on the large couch facing the huge tv.

"It's just," you started, plopping down on the soft couch. "I feel so...weird. People my age are doing things that would put my parents in a coma. I understand why they do what they do but it would be nice to do something for myself for once, y'know?" You whined. All your friend did was nod.

"Look, you probably don't wanna hear this but you need to start doing shit for yourself." She replied, seeing you physically cringe at the curse word. "This friendship is the most independent thing you have going for you. Hell, you even do college online because they asked you to." Leilani turned to face you completely.

"My question to you is what do you want for yourself? And don't even think of mentioning your weird ass parents." She commented, making you cut your eyes at her at the subtle insult directed to your parents.

What do you actually want for yourself? First thing that comes to your mind is freedom but you couldn't betray your parents like that. They sacrificed so much for you but if you think about clearly, the insults and bullying from them was unnecessary because you did everything they asked of you. You couldn't go to school because they wanted you to stay home. You couldn't find your own fashion sense because they claimed it was that of whorish behaviour when behind their backs, you gawked at the gorgeous women who were independent and rich on the one app you were allowed to have, Pinterest.

You envied those women. You hated how they could dress freely as they wanted to, you hated how they spent their money on beautiful bags, vacations and diamonds. You hated the smiles on their faces when holding the expensive bag with the shortest mini skirt on. You hated how you wanted to be just like them. You wanted to be a luxurious babe who had as many shoes as there were diamonds on her cuban link.

And oh, how you wanted to be loved. How you want to show off the flowers you had randomly gotten from your significant other. How you wanted to film your reaction to receiving your dream car. How you wanted to keep your relationship private from the world. And most definitely how you wanted to be treated like a princess both physically and sexually. You knew you had no experience in anything involving things that were in the bedroom. The only way you could express such was reading erotic books in the library far from home but then again, you couldn't bring yourself to read past kisses.

You wanted to be rich. You wanted to be loved. You wanted to be happy. You wanted to be free.

You just didn't know where to start.

"I want to do whatever I want." You answered, seeing a smile spread across Leilani's face. She motioned her hand for you to continue. "I want to be able to go out and be social. I wanna form friendships and relationships. I want to be free, Lani." You expressed, feeling tears prick your eyes at the realisation of your dreams.

Leilani stood up and reached her hand out to you. "Wanna start now?" She smirked. Your small smile dropped from your face along with your shoulders.

"I can't," You hesitated. "I don't have anything. They took my whole allowance and put it in my dad's pocket to go towards the church." You explained. Lani's smile widened even more. She took out her phone to text someone. "That's okay, Justine and I have been waiting for this day."

"Waiting? What are you talking about?" You said, still sitting. You were too scared to stand around in people's houses, your parents said it was rude.

"We are taking you to rebel against your parents. Just give them a bit of a heart attack when we get back." She smirked, aggressively typing her phone. You couldn't even respond because you were so shocked. Justine and Leilani were the wildest people you knew, constantly experimenting with tattoos, piercings and all sorts of clothing.

Maybe this is what you needed in order to start your journey into freedom.

-

The sun was beaming in your face as you sat in the passenger seat of Justine's car, driving down roads that had shops you'd only dreamt of buying from. The bass of the music had the windows slightly vibrating and your two friends sang along loudly to some rappers who you obviously weren't familiar with. Drake and 21 something. Yeah, that sounded about right.

You couldn't help but bop your head along as the beat of the song was hitting against your chest, the melody slowly becoming one of your favourite sounds.

As the song was coming to an end, Justine lowered the volume. "How you feel about piercings?" She questioned, coming to a halt at the red light. You turned your head to show her the frightened look on your face when you heard what sounded like revving from the car next door. Looking at it from your side, it looked matte black with tinted windows. However, you couldn't tell what it was because Justine was fangirling over it.

Slumping back in your seat as it sped away, your friends started discussing it. "Ayo, wasn't that a Mansory?!" Leilani exclaimed from the back seat. "I just know that shit cost a good couple millions." Justine smiled and sped up a little to catch up with the car but it was too far. Holding on to the handle on the car and gripping onto the seatbelt felt like the safest thing to do.

"Man, I love doing that. Anyway, y/n. You ain't answer the question." Justine changed the topic so quickly, you couldn't feel yourself nod, seeing the wide smiles on their faces.

Parallel parking her car in a few seconds seemed effortless as Justine parked in front of a edgy looking parlour, 'V's Secret'. "Okay! Now y/n, remember to enjoy yourself. It's okay to be nervous and if you need anything, just call us. Just don't forget what we discussed." Lani said, leaning forward and looking at me. I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Uh thanks guys. I guess I-i'll see you guys later." You stuttered, clutching onto the small purse Leilani gave you since you didn't have any and you were too scared to go back home anyway so you just agreed to go with your friends.

You got out the car and waved to your overly excited friends who slowly drove off as they watched you step onto the pavement. This would be your first step into your new life, one that wouldn't be controlled by your parents. You surprisingly agreed to their plan of roaming around and window shop, getting food by yourself and anything else you could do with the money they had given you to 'jumpstart your new life' as they said.

Eventually facing the tattoo and piercing shop and taking another deep breath, you enter with fake confidence, gaining the courage to speak to someone, anyone than your friends and parents.

-

Exiting the shop, you wiped the last of your tears as you held a smile on your face. Grabbing your old, barely functioning phone from the purse, you looked at yourself and admired your nose piercing. It may have been small but you absolutely loved it. So much so that you hadn't been paying attention to where you were going. As if time was slowing down, you collided with someone else and watched your phone fall out of your hands, falling apart as it hit the floor.

Muttering out a few apologies, you kneeled down to collect your absolutely destroyed phone and saw a tattooed and ring-clad hand enter your vision. Looking to the side of the hand, you could see a bright orange bag with blue straps, with you immediately recognising it as 'Louis Vuitton'.

You couldn't pinpoint where you had seen the tattoos on the person's hand but they seemed extremely familiar. "No, please forgive me. I wasn't focused." A low, slightly deep accented voice assured. The accent. It all started to click for you on who exactly you bumped into. Lifting your head to look at the woman, you internally freaked out.

Queen Shuri of Wakanda. The Black Panther was in your presence, helping you. This is the same woman who you had to do an extensive project on in order to get the highest grade for your class. This was the woman who you were incredibly intimidated by whenever she would make eye contact with the camera whenever you were watching her interviews. This was one of the wealthiest and smartest people on earth. She was also what your peers would call your 'gay awakening'. She was one of the most powerful people in the world and she's helping you.

She stood up at the same time as you and the height difference was evident as she towered over you. Looking at the hand extended to you held your phone, it was definitely not going to work after that fall. Still holding an apologetic look on her face, Shuri covered the phone with her hand and held eye contact with you.

"Again, I feel absolutely terrible. Do you mind if we could go replace it?" Shuri suggested. Finally snapping out of it, you furrowed your eyebrows. "O-oh I can't make you do that. I-it's okay, Your Majesty." You hesitated to decline. From the minimal reports you had on the woman in front of you, you knew she didn't take no for an answer.

Her eyes slightly lowered and she tilted her head a little, still keeping the eye contact. You couldn't even feel her taking the phone from your hand. "I insist." She smirked and you felt a drop in your stomach as you could see a glimpse of something  gold resting on her teeth.

"Okay." You whispered as she nodded and held your hand in one hand and the LV bag in the other. She began walking slowly in order for you to match her pace. "If I may ask, what is your name?" She spoke up as she still held your hand. She knew very well that people could see her and immediately recognise her but no one dared to question it.

Giving yourself a chance to observe her, you noticed that she wore a black compression shirt with black cargos paired with sneakers that looked to be from Nike. The cuban link rested on her collarbones shone brightly as the sun reflected on the diamonds. Her earrings were matching with the beaded bracelet on her wrist and on the other sat a silver and gold watch with a dark green face.

"It's Y/n, Your Majesty." You muttered, feeling the eyes on you as you walked with Shuri. You two looked completely different from each other and you knew that. She looked powerful, holding her head high and not being bothered by the stares but you, however, were an anxious mess. Today was going to be simple with you just doing one or two things that were out of your comfort zone but to be walking with royalty was just out of this world.

If your parents caught wind of this, you would be in trouble. Worse than what you could ever imagine.

Seeing Shuri slow down her pace made you halt your steps as you stopped by a car. A car that you somewhat recognised as the one that Justine and Leilani were screaming over. It was truly beautiful when it's parked in front of you. The sharp edges of the design fit Shuri and her current vibe. The car was huge and looked expensive. Shuri watched as you gawked at the car, fascinated by you. The sense of innocence you carried and how you had spoken to her as if you had feared her.

She did not want you to be afraid of her and her status however the innocent look in your eyes sparked something within her. How she wanted to protect you and keep you all to herself because the world would be far too cruel to you. The way you just are boosts her ego to a level she didn't even know existed. She wanted to spoil you with all the money she had. She couldn't get you to be with her yet so she'd lure you in with something that clearly caught your attention very quickly: money.

She unlocked the car and immediately opened the car door for you to which you thanked her as you entered the car that smelt like heaven. The scents of vanilla, sandalwood and a hint of chocolate hit your nose in the most pleasant way. Looking at the rest of the car, you noticed that the stitching on the seats was yellow with the logo replaced with a panther and there were stars on the roof. The dash of the car was black with a hints that you're inside a Lamborghini. Not just any, a customised version for the queen of Wakanda.

She entered the car very quietly, making sure to not startle you during your observation. You watched as her tattooed hand lifted the lever and press 'start', hearing the car roar as she got ready to drive, fastening her seatbelt and her reaching over to fasten yours. Her face was inches away from yours, smelling her perfume and looking at her neck tattoos, drove you crazy. The same feeling you had when you looked at her the first time definitely increased because of her kind gesture. You unconsciously clenched your thighs together, seeing her subtly smirk at you.

"Your name is beautiful. May I apologise once again for your phone." Shuri mentioned, seeing you shake your head in disagreement. "Seriously, there's no need to. I was at fault mostly because I wasn't looking, Panther." You assured, immediately slapping your hand over your mouth as you looked away from her.

Panther?! Why did you call her that?!

"So I'm guessing we're on nickname basis already? I haven't even gotten the chance to introduce myself, sthandwa." She teased, turning the steering wheel to finally drive into the main road. "I-I know that." You muttered making the woman next to you chuckle.

"Can I?" She asked, with you immediately nodding your head. She took note of your eagerness around her. How cute.

"I'm Queen Shuri of Wakanda and also the Black Panther. Do you mind telling me about yourself?" She suggested to which you turned to face her. How were you going to do this? You couldn't reveal your entire life story to her but then again, she's the only person you've met outside of your neighbourhood. You felt protected with Shuri.

"I'm..y/n and I'm a broke college student who just recently got a nose piercing." You said and she looked at you. Looking into your eyes then nose then lips and back to your eyes again. "The piercing suits you." She complimented you and you couldn't help but blush at her words. "Thank you." You whispered as you hid behind your sweater paw.

As if time sped up, the car had stopped and Shuri was climbing out of it to open the door for you once again. You looked at your surroundings once you stepped outside and it was the Apple Store. Knowing how expensive the phones and accessories were, you immediately turned to plead with Shuri to not enter but she gave you a look, lowered eyes with a teasing smile that definitely shut you up.

Walking into the store, you noticed it was empty with employees standing around, gawking at the two of you. Shuri stopped at a particular table with the latest phones on display. Looking at her confused, she pointed to the phones. "Choose the one you want, entle." She smirked. You shook your head slightly, placing your hand on hers. "Shuri, I can't. This is too expensive-"

"I don't take no for an answer, nkosazana. Please, be my guest and choose other things if you want." She looked around the shop and you saw how the workers literally looked away if she faced them. As you looked back at the phones, Shuri went to the employees to introduce herself to every single one of them, displaying her kindness. As much as she has power, she would never want anyone to be scared of her.

-

Tapping her Kimoyo beads onto the machine and hearing a ping, the employee bagged up your items and gave them to you as Shuri gave you a smile, displaying her grillz. Holding your hand as you two walked out of the store, she greeted everyone goodbye to which they responded back enthusiastically.

You placed the bag in the back seat and entered the passenger seat once again. You felt hot. You kept fanning yourself and using your sweater as a fan. You knew it was because of Shuri. The way she spoke to the employees, the way she held your waist when you had wandered to get a cheaper phone but she wouldn't allow it, wanting you to have what you desired. The way she smiled at you when she was talking to other people. The look she gave you when you thanked her as they rang up your items.

She started driving towards the direction of where you met her. "Would you like a change of clothes? I noticed it in the store." She smiled. "I couldn't possibly do that to you. What you spent on me is more than enough and I'm forever grateful." You gestured to the bag sitting in the backseat.

"Y/n. I truly don't mind doing it all over again. Is that okay with you, sthandwa?" She turned to face you as she stopped at a red light, lifting your chin slightly with a finger. Looking into her eyes, you could tell she was serious.

You pondered over what she just said to you. "So, you are suggesting that you wanna continue spending money on me? Why?" You questioned and she gave a cheeky smile.

"Why not?" She responded and continued driving. You slouched down into the passenger seat in disbelief. Was this going to get you in trouble? Looking at Shuri for some sort of clarification that this is actually happening, you noticed the way she drove. Effortlessly driving with one hand whilst the other is relaxed, ready to shift the Lamborghini into sport mode and in that moment, it made your attraction to her more obvious even though you thought you were being discreet.

Your increased heartbeat heightened her panther senses greatly. Shuri could see you shyly turn away from her whenever she made eye contact with you and she definitely saw the way your face brightened up every time you would see stores like Gucci or Chanel as you two drove past them.

"But.." You sighed, not sure whether to say anything to Shuri or not but there was a sense of comfort you felt with her and it urged you to tell her. It was also for your own good as you kept thinking back to your parents and what they would think of your actions.

"Mhm?" She hummed.

"It's just that...my parents aren't very..nice people. They won't accept any of this, they don't even want me going outside the house! How am I gonna hide these gifts? Oh my goodness, how am I gonna get home?!" You panicked. You've said too much and now, Shuri's going to judge you. Your parents always warned you about talking too much.

You tried breathing in and out, trying to calm your mind clouded with negative thoughts, insults your mom would hurl at you for easily getting into someone's car and how your father would lock you inside your room for even staying out this long.

You had been so out of it, you didn't realise that Shuri had stopped the car on the side of the road and was on your side of the car in seconds. She opened your car door and immediately held your face in her hands. "Hey hey, it's okay, it's okay." Shuri whispered as she tried to look into your eyes which were flowing with tears. You wrapped your arms around her neck as you melted into her touch. Shuri's scent had filled your nose, easing your nerves as your tears slowed down.

"Please look at me, entle." She pleaded. Lifting your head with embarrassment, you looked into her beautiful dark eyes that held sincerity and..adoration. "How about this? Let's go shopping for anything you want. Would that make you happy?" Shuri suggested and you looked at her with wide eyes again.

"You would do that for me?" You asked and you swore you saw Shuri's eyes darken as she stared into yours. "In a heartbeat, sthandwa." And that right there confirmed that you were now her sugar baby.

-

Stumbling onto Leilani's porch with multiple shopping bags, you knocked and waited for your neighbour to answer her door. Shuri was standing next to you, hoping to help you inside. The pretty Lamborghini was sitting in front of Leilani's house to not get you in trouble which you were most definitely in.

Looking over at your home, you noticed the lights were still on but you kept seeing figures in your room. It was probably your parents doing an 'inspection' as they call it where they check for anything that seems out of your character, such as you writing anything other than school work or even a fictional book.

Even though Shuri tried her best to calm you down throughout the day, you couldn't help but panic. You disrespected your parents. You completely disobeyed them and you knew you were in for it. They would most likely lock you up in your room however, there was a part of you that didn't care. You were happy. Even if this was the only day you would ever be free, you got to spend it with Shuri who you were forever grateful for.

Oh, Shuri. You trusted her with everything you had. How you finally voiced your feelings about your parents and how you realised that you weren't like other people your age. Shuri knew you hadn't recognised your sheltered-ness away from the world yet you yearned to be out there and completely change your perspective on life to that of a rich and free woman. She wanted to be the one to do that for you. To show you how fun life can be, to corrupt you a little, to make you feel good and to spoil you rotten.

Before you could lift another finger to knock on the door again, it swung open and revealed Leilani, wearing the same outfit as earlier and barely focusing on the people in front of her and shouting at whoever was in the living room.

"Yeah yeah, just scroll through the shows Justine! I think it's- Oh my god, y/n! You're alive! How'd you..get..here?" Lani's speech trailed off completely as she let go of your face and stared at who was standing next to you with utter surprise.

"Uh-I-uh" She stammered. She never does that. Hearing commotion from the front door, Justine also made her way there only for her to be shocked just like Leilani. "Is this real?" Justine whispered to you whilst looking at Shuri. "It is very much real however I do have to leave now. It was nice to meet you..." Shuri began, trailing off by asking for their names.

"Leilani!" "Justine!" They both shouted, making Shuri smile. "I'm Shuri. Just making sure that Y/n gets home safely. Have a good rest of your evening," She introduced herself then turned to you. "Sthandwa, I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed your forehead and waved at your starstruck friends as she walked to her car, revving it as she drove down the street.

You turned back to your friends with a smile on your face and they immediately dragged you and the shopping bags inside before screaming their lungs out. "Was that the fucking Queen of Wakanda?!" "She was on my damn porch!" Leilani looked at you and that's when you knew you were in for a long night with your friends.

"Girl, we said a nose piercing, not half of Beyoncé's closet!" Justine picked up the bags and looked at the labels. "Bitch. She's got Gucci, Chanel, Rick Owens, Ysl, Balmain, Burberry, Dior and is that...is that Valentino?!" Leilani joined Justine in looking at the 13 bags sprawled out on the floor.

"Wait a damn minute. Shuri bought all this for you?" Justine asked you and looked into your eyes. You instantly started feeling bad. "Oh, was she not supposed to? I can call her and tell her to take them back-" "NO!" Your friends simultaneously shouted, causing you to flinch at the noise. "Sorry, what we meant to say was that these are your things. Queen Shuri bought them for you so you don't have to return them, okay?" Leilani then explained and you nodded.

"Do you wanna tell us about your day? After getting the piercing, what happened?" Justine asked as she led you guys to the living room couch. "Oh! I dropped my phone and she offered to buy me a new one and so she did and bought me other things from the Apple Store. Then I had a little panic attack but she helped a lot then took me out for lunch then we went shopping. Can you believe all she had to do was walk in and the stores would stay open for us? She then offered to do this again and she's seeing me again tomorrow." You rambled.

Taking a deep breath, you calmed yourself down and looked to your friends who were still in shock. "Dude, she basically asked you to be her sugar baby." Now, you were a little confused. "What's that?" You asked.  "In hindsight, you get paid by someone to spend time with them and in return, they spoil you with whatever you want." Leilani explained, causing you to stay silent.

Would that be a problem for Shuri if anyone found out?

"Anyways! Let's go choose an outfit for you! Did she say you could be comfortable?" Justine stood up and questioned. "She just said to be myself and wear whatever I want." You answered making their smiles grow larger.

-

Adding the glue to your false eyelashes, Leilani gently stuck the natural-looking minks on. Opening your eyes, you looked at yourself in the mirror, you admired what you saw. It was still your face, just with a little makeup on, the girls giving you a natural look. Your hair was styled so beautifully, Leilani creating the long braid effortlessly with two curls in front of your face.

The dark green khaki mini skirt was pleated with ease, the colour scheme working nicely as your white knit sweater looked effortlessly put together with platform Rick Owen sneakers gracing your feet. The Dior earrings were exposed due to your hairstyle which also didn't hide the cuban link you had on. You loved Shuri's one so she decided to get you your own.

"Ah! You look so pretty!" Justine complimented you and you had the biggest grin on your face. You felt beautiful and that made you happy. Just the whole day had you feeling amazing. After bonding with your friends and them fawning over your clothes and your new lifestyle, you went back home empty handed and said to your parents that you went to the library and they believed you. You finally lied to them and it felt good. Doesn't mean you're going to did it all the time but it felt good.

This morning, they had decided to leave the house to you for the weekend as they're leaving for a church event and they knew you had a paper due soon (that you've already completed). You immediately informed your friends and they made it their mission to get you ready for tonight.

Picking up your new phone from Leilani's vanity, you noticed a notification from Shuri and that she was 10 minutes away from your location however she sent that message ten minutes ago. Your eyes widened and you rushed to look outside the bedroom window to see a g wagon and Shuri leaning against it. The panther could feel you looking at her from the window and she smiled at you, making you squeal as you grabbed your mini Lady Dior bag.

Before opening the front door, you looked back to your friends to give them both hugs as goodbyes before making your way out of the door to meet Shuri. Leilani shouted her supportive words as she leaned on her porch, as if she's watching her child leave to go on a date.

"Hiii!" You elongated the greeting towards the panther who sported a toothy grin, reaching her hand out to you to be held. Observing her, you noticed you both went a familiar route with your outfit. Shuri looked casual with a red Diesel sweater and black cargo, finished off with red nike dunks. You noticed that you both wore the chain and it made your heart jump. "Hello Y/n. Did you say bye to your friends?" She asked and you nodded. She nodded as well and opened the car door for you, struggling to get into the large car and eventually using the step of the car.

The trip to your destination was unfamiliar however, Shuri was dedicated to making you feel comfortable and decided to play a bit of music but kept it soft enough to keep conversation with you. Driving into the entrance of the restaurant, you were absolutely mesmerised by the exterior of it all. It looked like an luxury hotel with a valet in front and you were so excited to even step foot in such a place. Putting your focus back in front of you, a forest green Rolls Royce Cullinan entered your vision and you were absolutely stunned, looking to Shuri who was smiling at your reaction.

"Remember I was talking about it yesterday? I didn't think it existed! It's so pretty!" You gushed at the car once again. Shuri had noticed your fascination with cars as you spent the afternoon with her yesterday and how you had pointed out the Cullinan because of its stature and its design. You also pointed out that you knew how to drive but your parents basically forbid you from driving in case you ever thought of leaving them. Shuri kept the information and changed the subject as she noticed your mood change at the subject of your living situation.

"I wonder if the owner just bought it because it looks brand new." You thought out loud, seeing the car reverse-park into the space next to Shuri's g wagon. You wondered why she didn't use the valet workers to park the car but you brushed it off as she helped you out of the car.

"Is this a contract?" You asked after you swallowed the last of your pasta al forno. Shuri nodded before speaking. "It's to set rules for this arrangement before we continue with it. Just read through it then tell me what you think." She said, taking a sip of her cocktail as she looked at you. Although you had changed your look for this date, she found you absolutely stunning. She adored how your eyes lit up at anything that interested you and how you took a deep breath whenever entering a new place as if you're reassuring yourself that you're actually doing something. And your smile. How she wished she could engrave the image of your smile in her mind. It lit up every room you walked and it made Shuri's heart melt everytime. How you cling to her arm at the slightest stare people give you two as if you feel safe with her and she loved it. She hadn't told anyone about you as if you were too good to be true.

You leaned your head closer to the single piece of paper, reading every word in your mind unless you had questions for her. " 'According to your availability, you can accompany me to Wakanda and possibly any other event.' Are you sure?" You asked the panther. She placed her fork down and nodded. "You could ask anytime to join me and I will fly you out if you're not with me. However, you won't be using any airplanes most of the time." Shuri stated and the sheer thought of travelling with her made you rub your thighs together. Just being around her made you feel things you've never felt before and you needed some sort of release.

Reading over the financial aspect of the contract, it stated that you would be getting your own bank account and on each meeting you have with her, you would get ten thousand dollars every single time. You audibly gasped when you read that. Lifting your head to make eye contact with Shuri, she gave you the smallest smirk, clearly amused by your stunned expression.

"What's wrong, sthandwa?" She asked, "Is it too little? We can discuss the price." The royal suggested, knowing all too well what she was doing. "Too litt- Your majesty, this is way more than enough. What am I gonna do with so much?" You pondered, continuously looking back at the contract in front of you.

"Whatever your heart desires. And please, don't be afraid to ask me for anything that you want. I want to do this for you, okay?" Shuri held her hand out to you on the table and you hurriedly put yours on top. You couldn't come up with any words for her. This was something that could happen in your wildest dreams and it was right in front of you.

"Read the rest of the contract then let me know your thoughts." Shuri took a sip of her drink again and you couldn't help but looking at her throat as the drink went down. Everything about Shuri right now made your body tingle however you couldn't voice that to her, you didn't want to think of her touching you yet or how your underwear was getting damp at the thought of her caressing your body with her tattooed hands.

"Y/n?" Shuri called out to you. You perked your head up once again. "Huh? Oh! T-the contract yes" You stuttered, internally panicking that she caught you zoned out. You could only imagine what she would say if she knew what you were thinking about.

"Are you okay, entle? Are you nervous?" When asking the second question, Shuri's tone dropped slightly, giving you shivers down your spine. Shaking your head at her and deciding to focus on the paper in front of you, it shows that you've reached the physical section of it. The contract stated that there would be sexual contact within the arrangement but only when you are comfortable enough to begin with it. Reading the sentence caused your face to heat up more than before and it caught the attention of Shuri who just smirked to herself. It had also stated that if it there were to be any romantic feelings involved, to not be afraid to act upon them. "Romantic?" You muttered. "It's normal for people to gain a romantic connection. If it so happens within this arrangement, there won't be an issue." Shuri answered. You took in her words and felt a pull in your stomach that felt pleasurable.

"I see you're near the end. Would you like me to adjust anything for you?" She asked, batting her pretty eyes at you as if she wasn't the cause of your lower body...issues. You gave a slight nod. "Um, I know i-i'll be comfortable with it but I only have one question for you. Is it okay if someone like...you were to have an arrangement with me like this?" You pondered. Was this even allowed?

"Y/n. As much as I don't want to sound like a narcissist, I am the queen of Wakanda and I'm allowed to have my own fun at times." Shuri expressed to you. All you could do was nod at the panther's words of subtle cockiness. You had more that you wanted to say but your body betrayed you as you released the slightest of a whimper. You were holding the hem of your skirt tightly, avoiding all eye contact with Shuri as you were filled with embarrassment.

Shuri looked at you with amusement, seeing you folding so quickly at her words. As much as she wanted to take you right then and there, she refrained because she knew she had a surprise planned for you. "Look at you, all flustered. Just from my words, nkosazana?" Shuri commented, leaning against the chair as she observed you.

She couldn't wait any longer. She needed to do something for you, anything to see you all over her. Calling her name out loud when you-

"Come with me, baby. I have something for you." The panther rose to her feet, going over to your side of the table to help you up. Keeping the eye contact between the two of you, she took your hand and began to lead you out of the private seating of the restaurant.

"Wait Shuri. What about dinner?" You looked back at the table to see your empty plates left there. "I had already payed for everything before I picked you up." She commented, giving a nod and smile to the waiter who entered the section to clear out the table. People in the restaurant weren't afraid to stare at the royal and the girl with her but seeing Shuri hold herself up with confidence was the hottest thing you've ever seen, her giving acknowledgment to the employees only.

Walking out of the restaurant and onto the walkway to the parking lot, she wrapped her arm around you to keep you as close to her as she could. Reaching her G-wagon, you grew confused as you turned to her only for her to have an object in her hand that wasn't there before.

You looked at the beautiful Rolls Royce once again, seeing the RR statue lift from the hood of the car. The car's lights blinked once and you were a little scared that the owner of the car would see two people just standing in front of it. Shuri took your hand again and placed the object in your hand, looking down to see car keys with the logo of the forest green beauty.

Realising what was going on, you snapped your head towards the royal who had the most beautiful smile on her face as she watched your reaction to her gift. "You got me my dream car?" You whispered as you stepped closer to her, inhaling her addicting scent.

"For when I'm not around and you just feel like getting out of the house." Shuri said, looking into your eyes seeing the slightest hint of tears brimming. You wrapped your arms around her waist, bringing her even closer to you. She reciprocated the hug and it was a silent moment between the two of you, something that will never be forgotten.

She lightly tapped your lower back, causing you to lift your head to look up at her without letting go of the hug. "Let's go see inside. I added a few touches to make it special for you." Shuri mentioned, turning both of your bodies towards the car whilst keeping her arm around you. "Thank you." You whispered to her and leaned close her face to give a kiss on the cheek, already missing the feeling of your lips.

Running towards your brand new car, you opened the driver's door and hopped in with the door closing by itself. The seat was adjusted for you and you held onto the steering wheel with the silver stitching. Looking across the dashboard, it was as if marble had been placed there above the compartment area. Studying the seats, they had the same stitching as the steering wheel and the seat head had your name in cursive instead of the classic RR. The backseat of the vehicle had two gifts, one from Hermes and one from cartier with the prettiest bouquet of flowers behind them. Finally looking up the ceiling, you noticed the infamous stars on the ceiling. Looking at Shuri sitting comfortably in the passenger seat, you felt the feeling from the restaurant come back as you see Shuri gazing at you.

"Entle," She called out, with you responding with a hum as you looked anywhere else but at her piercing gaze. "Look at me." She commanded. Giving yourself the courage to, you met her eyes that had seemed to darken.

She patted her thigh, encouraging you to climb over to her side of the car. You lifted your legs over the middle of the car, hovering over the thigh she had tapped. Reaching for your hips, she held them and slowly brought you down to completely sit on her. You whimpered at the contact your core made with the material of her pants. "Do you want me to make you feel better?" She taunted, Shuri had gotten wrapped around her finger. She had barely touched you and you had only sat on yet you could feel your release as she spoke those words.

You hurriedly nodded, holding her shoulders for support to get you ready. "I need words, my love." "Yes, please Shuri." You pleaded. You were on the verge of tears at this point and the royal had barely lifted a finger. Dragging her hands up your thighs, they landed on your ass, slightly grabbing onto the flesh causing you to lean forward. The gaps erupted from you quickly as your underwear dampened even further.

Holding the space between your ass and your hips, Shuri slowly guided you as she rocked you back and forth making you release stutterted moans. "Let me hear, mama. I wanna hear that sweet voice." She praised, making the slick from your core travel onto her pants. "Oh my-" You cut yourself off, unable to form words when you felt her hand creep into your underwear, slowly massaging your clit.

"Please, panther." You moaned out, rocking a little more faster to chase your release. Shuri looked at your fucked out face as she lightly touched you. She began laying kisses on your exposed neck, careful to not make any marks. Kissing up your jaw until she reached your face, she looked at your parted lips before leaning in to bite your lower lip. You whined at the action, feeling the familiar pull in your stomach.

Finally placing her lips on yours, she gently guided you into the kiss, holding your face in her hands. You continued to chase your orgasm while focusing on the kiss. Occasionally pulling away to give you pecks, she kissed you again with you feeling the curls of her hair brush against your face. Indulging in her lips, Shuri sped up her movements on your clit as you felt your legs begin to slightly shake, knowing you were finally getting the release you've been craving.

Releasing a loud moan when your orgasm has washed over, you panted and looked at Shuri in a dazed state. "You did such a good job, sthandwa. C'mere." She praised once again, pushing you closer to her by the arch of your back. She pecked your lips then held your hips to keep you steady on her thigh.

"Are you up for lunch tomorrow?" She suggested and you nodded, blushing at the thought of what just transpired. "We leave for Paris in the late morning then." She finalised, making you widen your eyes. "What? Isn't Paris at least 16 hours away from here?" You asked the royal who seemed to find your confusion amusing.

"Now that you're with me, you'll experience things a little differently. France is a 3 hour flight on the Talon ship. And don't even bother packing, we'll buy things that side, okay?" Shuri smiled, seeing your stunned expression.

That's when you knew that your life had changed forever.

Bonus scene!

"Y/n! Get yo ass down here!" You heard your father's shrill voice scream at the top of his lungs. Rolling your eyes, you made your way downstairs holding the Hermes Kelly bag that Shuri had bought for you on your first date.

Hearing your mother gasp loudly as you ascended down the stairs was enough to suck the air out of the room. You looked down to your outfit and saw the reason for her dramatics. Your maxi dress had cut outs on the sides of it along with the plunging neckline showing off your chest. Not to mention the dress fitting your body tightly. The Burberry cap had covered the top of your head which held beautiful goddess braids.

Your parents had stayed at the church event and eventually travelled with the church for a few more days before coming home to find a Rolls Royce sitting in their driveway. Thinking that it was probably a neighbour, they had thought nothing of it, assuming you were at the library once again. Returning home at the crack ass of dawn from your spontaneous Paris trip with Shuri, you hadn't shown face to your parents until the next morning which is right now.

"Who's goddamn Rolls is that outside my house?! I asked that man across the street and he said it's not his. Why is it here?" He yelled out, noticing you hadn't flinched at his tone. Giving him a bored look, you answered. "It's mine. Now if you excuse me, I have to go somewhere." Walking towards the front door, you heard your mom screaming. "Who bought you such an expensive car and why the hell are you dressed like that, young lady?!"

Opening the door, you walked out and before closing it completely, "Someone will come pick up my things later on today. Bye!" You shut the door and ran to your car, immediately starting. Hearing your phone buzz as you begin to drive, you asked Siri to display it on your screen in the car.

Panther 🤍

How do you feel about coming to Wakanda with me? :)

hope you enjoyed!

[doberbutts]

My apologies about the weird ask! I saw pictures of ballet dancers bloody feet and let it color my view of it, figured if its painful for people with five toes it would be hell for anyone with more than that. Not that they couldn’t or shouldn’t do it, but that it’d be harsher on their feet. As someone who has wide feet that has a hard time with pointed shoes I was wincing 😅 sorry again should’ve kept it to myself

Oh, you're talking about images like this?

Tbh this is fairly extreme and mostly you see this with ill-fitting shoes or with professionals who don't give their feet a break (bc they can't, bc this is their livelihood). Dancing small time competitions in the local rec center shouldn't do this to your feet unless your shoes really suck or your instructor is very hard on you (by ballet standards- ballet instructors are stereotypically fairly tough anyway).

However, ballet does permanently change the way your foot is shaped and the way your joints work.

Not just your feet but your whole body. Especially when started very young, so since I started at 4 and I have a bazillion things wrong with me anyway I was kind of pre-destined to have some problems from ballet later in life. Don't get me wrong, there were also many benefits, and I LIKE ballet, but ballet and foot problems later in life kind of go hand in hand regardless of what your foot was shaped like when you were born.

It's a rigorous discipline and people don't take it seriously because it's seen as hyperfeminine and also because they see how effortless the dancers make the moves look, and they don't see the work it takes to create that visual. So it's very shocking when non-dancers happen upon images or discussions of the drawbacks.

As said before, I never went en pointe due to ankle weakness I couldn't quite fix, so that photo where her ankle is bent at an extreme angle? Yeah my instructor wouldn't let me go en pointe bc she was afraid I'd snap the bones in my ankle the second I tried that move. Ballet flats aren't nearly as bad on your feet as pointe shoes (pointe shoes are in each of those photos), so it wasn't the shoe itself that beat up my feet but the wear and tear of executing the dance moves.

These are flats- much more flexible than pointe shoes and what young children learn on before their skill and development reaches a safe point to graduate to pointe shoes. They're really just a piece of soft leather or satin held on by a stretchy band. Little kids should never be in pointe shoes and I genuinely caution anyone whose instructor told them it was safe before hitting double digits to find a different instructor for whatever kid before they do massive, permanent damage to their feet. Pretty much every medical study out there says you should be at least 11, and preferably 13-15, before you move off of flats.

My instructor believed the same. I stopped ballet because I was tested twice before being allowed to go en pointe and both times failed due to ankle weakness, at about 13-15. So in high school I switched disciplines because otherwise I'd be a teenager dancing with a bunch of little kids still in flats.

THAT BEING SAID I do feel the need to clarify that I have not had extra toes or fingers after my first week of life, because they were banded pretty much immediately after birth and fell off shortly thereafter. So I wasn't some 6-toed kid forcing myself into an unforgiving wooden shoe, I was a 5-toed kid in effectively soft leather moccasins that just happened to have slightly wider feet than you'd expect. I'm not putting photos of my feet on this blog but unless I point it out you wouldn't really be able to tell I was born with extras until I show you the remnants of the little "shelf" where the extras would have grown out of.

I do appreciate the concern- just keep in mind how it might be coming across next time.

[tirfpikachu]

this screenshot from another post actually really hit me hard

it's so true... they always do this. trying to make body dysphoria seem inherently worse than body dysmorphia is actually cruel. as someone who developed extremely severe body dysmorphia before dysphoria, i can tell you it's the #1 reason i started hating and harming myself and wanting to die at a young age. i would've 1000% gotten extreme facial plastic surgery to "fix" myself. and while for some it's their road to happiness, if i had it... it personally would've locked me into this fake version of myself, forever wearing a mask. and whenever i'd see someone looking like my past self, a haunting feeling would've come over me. and yet society was encouraging me to "fix" my perceived flaws. it was insanely normalized. it was seen as almost self-care, and a way to better my chances in life as a "prettier" woman. it really fucked me up. you CANNOT look me in the eyes and say shit like "women just want to xyz bc of beauty standards, it's not the same as my much worse severely debilitating dysphoria" without telling my younger self and other young girls that her life-threatening suffering wasn't bad enough, wasn't painful enough, wasn't as bad as anything a trans person goes through. it assumes so fucking much about dysmorphic people. don't brush us off so easily. don't put yourself as inherently in a worse situation when societal misogyny costs real lives. especially since for me, it came from initial bullying at a young age, like many other girls who hate their own bodies & faces. stop belittling our pain.

my dysphoria was very debilitating too, and made me a trans activist for life. but it did come with risks. i developed reverse dysphoria quite quickly after i started growing stubble, and now i'm stuck with that painful dysphoria until i can get expensive laser hair removal. if this is how transfems feel like about their own stubble, holy shit... i'm so fucking sorry. that's a truly horrible feeling. what i can tell you though, is that this is actually a cousin sensation to dysmorphia. dysmorphia & dysphoria aren't as separated as y'all might want them to be, which would make things must simpler ofc. but it's the feeling of visceral disgust, of your body not being good enough, not being you enough. that sucks to think about; we don't want to empower the transphobic crowd into thinking they can magically fix us all. and so, many activists and dysphoric people try to compensate by portraying them as experiences that are completely foreign to one another. as never being related or feeling similar at all, ever. but the thing is, as a previously chronically dysphoric & dysmorphic detrans chick, i can tell you first-hand that it doesn't help anyone to pretend that these aren't often comorbid disorders, and that they actually really do feel similar. and that's okay! no one should take all your treatment options away just because of that. that would be shitty, transphobic, and honestly ableist. but we gotta encourage ppl & their doctors to do due diligence (which my doctor and trans community didn't) and be open to everybody about the risk of regret, of reverse dysphoria, of things not working out the way we think they will. because all that at the very least makes detransitions less painful, even if you personally never detransition. detransitions can lead to very extreme self-hatred, and all the unfortunate consequences of self-hatred. it is a very vulnerable place to be in, and we want to prevent harm. more and more folks are detransitioning because of a lack of information and a focus on celebrating someone's transition early instead of giving proper information. the same should be done with dysmorphic folks - i am both a post-dysphoric and post-dysmorphic person. but many dysmorphic people cannot function without getting surgeries.

and while this is honestly tragic, as anyone needing to go under the knife at all is tragic in a sense... sometimes it is the only life-saving treatment option for the person. for me, i feel so fucking proud of my survival despite years of debilitating disgust at myself, my body and my face. both in a dysphoric and dysmorphic way. but i do not look down on anyone who did have to go through surgeries. i'm just happy to see them smile and feel good about themselves, honestly. but it is a bit bittersweet. how was it, before surgeries, to be dysphoric? to be dysmorphic? i want to read more stories from those eras. how did people find inner peace? did they, in the end? how many didn't survive? what did they have to say? i feel a strange sense of yearning, sometimes. heteropatriarchal society is really weird. it triggers dysmorphia in so many young girls & transmascs. it can also trigger temporary dysphoria in some people, and even permanent dysphoria. and just because certain societal things are a factor in your dysphoria doesn't mean you're lesser for it either - your suffering matters. just like dysmorphic suffering. hating yourself at all is so fucking painful. i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy, or i'd at least strongly hesitate and they'd need to be an actual monster to deserve it. i love dysphoric & dysmorphic people so fucking much. i don't want us to fight eachother, or shame eachother for seeking treatments when things become too much for us to bear. we need to uplift one another. do everything we can to lessen these feelings in ourselves, of course, as a community of people who hate their bodies and place in society. but if someone chooses to cross over, to take hormones, to have surgeries... i just don't want them to regret it, that's all. and if they don't? if they're happy? i would hug them and breathe a sigh of relief as well. i'd feel bittersweet, almost nostalgic, because i've been there. people who haven't been severely dysphoric or dysmorphic don't fucking understand. hopefully they never will.

[spiders-notagain]

Misc Headcanons

[Stuff I don't know how to make its own post]

legendary lost city buried under the sand somewhere; minecraft buried cities style

cliff cities- used to be a big fortress now just used for daily living

mostly specific monasteries

extremely good water recycling system- technology to make water out of hydrogen and oxygen in the air

if breakfasts are things that are easy to obtain then plomeek must be obtained regularly (e.g. grown throughout the year, incredibly hardy plants)

valley cities- alderaan style

shikahr historically very good land, less earthquakes and harsh conditions

large areas of the planet irradiated by radiation and theres not much they can do about it, no ones allowed to go there without special protection

some areas that are civilized have been ruined by their ancestors and are only just starting to restore its natural state

no birthdays but some places have a quincenera coming of age equivalent * sometimes in addition to the kahs-wan and taloth trials

Vulcans are pretty direct and so an acceptable form of making friends (although its really more like conversation partners) is to go up to a person and tell them that you share an interest and would like to talk about it. This is no guarantee youll ever interact again though.

Vulcan has a lot of jobs that are restricted to native citizens

Need mental contact to survive as babies the same way humans require touch

Tight knit families heralding from olden days. Almost mafia like in its web of connections. Additionally, alliances with certain clans meant status and power.

Alot of infighting between clans in the earlier days also

Similar to Ant colonies underground

Buildings have sections above and below ground

Above ground, buildings protected from sandstorms. Few windows, more doors. The less open to the elements the better.

Sehlats were tamed more recently than dogs, usually they would offer protection to the vulcans in exchange for food

Black and brown hair extremely common, genes for blond or red hair extremely rare

Early books made out of leather and a cotton-like fiber

later books made out of stone paper

Water very rare, lots of it is a sign of wealth.

Given the newness of logic, theyre not very good at it and struggle to apply it in day to day life. Additionally theyre good at lying to themselves about what emotion they may or may not have

Multiple different sects bc everyone has a different opinion on whats logical

Some are better adjusted than others because some try their absolute best to

Very preppy- high ego, strong social classes, pretentious, hide any faults, care alot about their reputation, fear being ostracized in their own community, many social rules

vulcans generally prefer to keep humans away from their sehlats because humans try to be overly affectionate with them and end up severely harmed

Vulcans get hit with winter depression even harder than other species but deal with it better. Their own ships are set up to have sun lamps all over the ship.

vulcans view mental illnesses with the same seriousness as physical ones.

not only can vulcans pass on mental disorders to their children but also strong phobias (and some philias) even those obtained through later trauma

typically mothers during pregnancy thought to occur during the mental bond

the prenatal mental bond can pass on memories as well but are typically suppressed till adulthood. its more of a folk wives tale thats corroborated enough that most people agree but technically had little proven evidence until recently

vulcans think murder by drowning is one of the worst most senseless murders ever

vulcans be like  🤓☝️well actually-

vulcan school systems dont have an above and beyond grade because the highest possible grade to get is by default you meeting the acceptable standards. that said, they do have extra awards given out for such behavior. although acceptable standards by vulcan standards is somewhat higher than is what is the case for human standards

vulcan kids still do the same 'kid logic' thing as humans because theyre trying to reason and understand the world using the logical reasoning skills being taught to them but they dont have enough information to make it accurate

Vulcan vegetables are bred to have a higher concentration of nutrients, a project that has been in development for the thousand some years since the awakening

passive cooling methods going back thousands of years; more advanced than human technologies

windcatcher like structures built to incorporate: the structure of the house, local weather, local geographical phenomena, etc.

heavily populated cities may have hybrid cooling systems that are integrated with modern technology to increase efficiency, this is less common in more rural areas where ppl are more likely to be 'if it aint broke dont fix it'. in most cases though they were so well designed that not much is needed aside from general maintenance

depending on the location, most vulcan homes are designed with the concept that a bedroom is exclusively for sleep and like wardrobe changing. you dont usually engage in hobby activities, doing those in a separate entertainment room or in the equivalent living room

like the rest of their society, vulcans incorporate more circles into their architectural designs than humans do and less squares than humans do

glass art is one of the oldest vulcan art forms. their planetary conditions work very well for it: lots of sand, high heat. and its an art that features alot of mathematically appealing shape language

ex. those curvy glass vases with the holes, floor mosaics with tinted glass, stained glass windows, suncatchers, etc.

in ancient times, betrothal jewelry (and other ceremonial purposes) were made partly with copper wire crafted from the blood of their enemies. some of these pieces (and spare wires) still exist. Vulcan clans that still practice this, obtain the blood ethically from dead animals (or in extremely rare occasions, consenting dead relatives)

STARSHIPS

Constructed so that every system is at max efficiency when used exactly perfectly how its meant to.

Its interlocking systems mean that it has millions of tiny unobtrusive glitches that can happen to the point where one can reasonably predict based on the type of glitch exactly what deeper system is failing and why

While it has normal passwords it mostly relies on each person to have their own special bioelectric pattern that is measured each time a user touches the console in order for them to input anything at all

They dont like outsiders on their ships as crew because they make tiny mistakes that while easily fixable, can mess up major systems

Sun lamps all over the ship as natural lighting, they gradually turn off according to the vulcan solar cycle and are replaced by a secondary lighting system that mimics candlelight. Although its kinda dark for humans its just fine for vulcans

Because of the size of their ships, they often have really large 'halls' that take up multiple decks and serve as visual space for the different wings connected to them

the vulcan warp rings compared to the human twin nacelles serve different attributes with the analogy being like a train versus a car. trains are faster but theyre also bulky, dont slow down well and arent designed to make quick on the spot diversions

[lascapigliata]

oscar noms are out and i actually am hitting the ground running for once! so, here is the oscar movies microreviews post:

(may put these in number of awards order at some point but for now they are [mostly] in watch order. also reserve the right to change at any time as i think about them longer)

conclave: LOVED IT!!! don't ideologically support the catholic church but they really popped off with the scheming and politics. the acting was great, it was perfectly balanced in terms of humor, i love a scheme. gorgeous cinematography imo. ralph fiennes perhaps doing his finest work i’ve seen from him. the twist at the end was very good and despite the giggling of the people in the row behind me i think it toed the same comedy/drama line well. i don't remember the score particularly except that i remember liking it in the moment; snubbed for direction imo.

dune ii: i think liking this a lot would require liking dune i a lot and it's still not something i go gaga over. and this was messier than the first one. i think timothee chalemet is probably a very good actor (undoubtedly eventually complete unknown will be below) but i don't think he can pull off epic as much as this movie needed, and i think it needed a really mercenary edit bc it was just packed with too much plot. many good actors were wasted on bit parts but that's just an inevitable evil of this kind of movie

gladiator ii: overwritten overacted overdone. took the worst parts of gladiator i and left the rest behind. much like timmy chals, i think paul mescal is a good actor who isn't really an Epic Speechgiver whereas russell crowe could toe the line, plus there weren't many speeches in the first. it was barely even fair though bc denzel was right there absolutely slamming it out of the park. everything else was not. none of that matters bc it was just up for costumes (won't and shouldn't win)

anora: i really really liked this. i liked the florida project as well so it's not entirely surprising but i think he did a great job portraying sex work with its associated nudity without making it voyeuristic or titillating. mikey madison was awesome; she had a lot of times where she had to do basically one primary emotion and stick a lot underneath and she did so really well. it dragged a little in moments but not overall. reminded me of a less stressful uncut gems but just in terms of the kind of quest narrative. broey deschanel did a great video about this i recommend if you don't mind major spoilers

the wild robot: for the first ~20m i was sort of like this is pretty but i get it already and then i settled into it and turns out i loved it. really gorgeous animation. pretty standard and somewhat predictable story but i think it's best seen through a lens of For Kids and it comes alive. it bears saying that i cried halfway through the movie and then again at the end like. just tears on tears with this one. i don't remember the score very well already but i guess it was good. (hard to evaluate best score when challengers was so snubbed)

emilia perez: NOTE this entire thing has been edited: since watching i have read a lot about this movie from mexicans and trans people and i think i was very busy trying to like it bc of award noms and also trying to figure out why the music was so bad that i didn't really critically examine much else beyond "sloppy" for the trans narrative. mea culpa. the cinematography was great. the acting was decent. on the production side, not even filming in mexico is pretty ridiculous. the thing about being "brave" or "genre-defying" is that it isn't? it's a musical. it has a scene setting song then an i want song and on and one. giri haji was NOT a musical then threw in an interpretive dance and THAT'S genre defying and brave. one could criticize the music for not pulling anything from the actual rich musical material of mexico but that would be a waste of time since the music was so atrocious (which i've always thought). not a good movie with a few small okay things. did not deserve 13 nominations but did make me realize i had a knee jerk reaction based on insecurity and privilege. it's good to have a note to self!

nosferatu: very gorgeous. very horny. very robert eggers (complimentary). LOTS of rats.

inside out 2: for movies i don't actually like all that much inside out(s) definitely make me cry lmao. but it's just a rehash of the first one. visually impressive (but not more so than the first). the removal of bad memories was underdeveloped in favor of a cheap villain narrative around anxiety. i still take issue with the idea that joy is/should be the default or best emotion but there's no way around that within the structure of the movie - huge flaw

wicked: enjoyed more than i expected to actually! did not need to be 87 hours long but didn’t drag too much, which is a feat considering it was act i lol. love that they filmed dancing with wide shots - revolutionary! they apparently sang live (which cannot be true for any scenes with dancing or jumping around lol) but it was pretty seamless so i have to give them credit. i do have some BIG issues musically, especially how much they chopped up defying gravity at the end. i don't think cynthia erivo's acting while speaking was anything revolutionary but her SINGING absolutely killed it, which should definitely be recognized. all in all a fun movie; it may actually be better on film than stage.

kingdom of the plant of the apes: i saw this ages ago but liked it! a Fun Movie. makes total sense this was nominated for vfx and unless alien romulus does something incredible (stay tuned for below, probably) absolutely deserves the win over wicked or dune, and having not seen better man kingdom still deserves the win just due to quantity of apes

flow: amazing showstopping spectacular. i cried lots and physically held lila bc i was so nervous for onscreen Cat. not even just considering it was in blender it was GORG and they managed to get such incredible expression in the animals (jot that down disney). plus remember when the best part of wall-e was the no talking part? yeah that but nature and a leetle cat!!! deserves best animated 100000%

the substance: i have a pretty high gore tolerance and even a decent body horror tolerance and yet. so glad i watched at home where i could take a bathroom break. absolutely disgusting. absolutely fantastic. demi moore blew me out of the water but margaret qualley held her own too. and dennis quaid was disgusting (complimentary). i saw some criticism that this falls into the old women as horror trap and i see where they’re coming from but i think it subverts it. thought the use of color especially was absolutely stunning (that YELLOW in the coat!)

a real pain: sweet little movie. movies do not have to invent much to be good. some will say kieran culkin is just playing roman roy but i disagree; he really was excellent at maintaining the tension where you’re sort of afraid of him. jesse eisenberg will repel ppl who don’t like him (like my brother) but i thought he did well too; as a writer though he got a lot into what was a pretty simple movie otherwise

a different man: adam pearson!! amazing work, should have been best supporting nommed here. sebastian stan!!!!! so proud. totally deserved the nom for golden globes and honestly i think if he wasn’t in the apprentice he might have gotten one here too. reminding us all that he is very good at working with physicality. in general it’s a lot like the substance except not quite as good, but that’s very much a high bar. the makeup was indeed good needless to say, but the SCORE was incredible like why is no one talking about it!!! when wicked is on that list?? incredible snub along w challengers

i’m still here: amazing work by fernanda torres. i think they rushed the ending bc they didn’t make the movie they thought they were making (if it was about her quest to find closure it failed; if it was about a woman’s struggle to lead her family through the first months of their fathers’ disappearance it worked). idk that it stands up as a best picture nom; it had a lot going for it but it felt like it needed another pass on the script to tie it together

sing sing: amazing amazing amazing. colman domingo redemption arc (he was incredible in rustin but the rest of the movie was not). everyone was fantastic in fact and having formerly incarcerated people form the majority of the cast is cool as a thing to do and also bc the performances were palpably really authentic. special shoutout to clarence maclin who was not only great in his role but delivered a really really genuinely good to be or not to be speech

the apprentice: definitely made by people who did not expect him to win another election lol. a few too many winks at the audience imo. i get why sebastian stan campaigned on this one, and he was good, but he was better in a different man. jeremy strong was excellent. if this was made in 50 years it would prob be great, but it’s too soon

alien romulus: solid sci-fi/horror movie. well paced, nice to see mal shadowandbone, made me cry bc of all the sibling stuff. extremely cool visuals especially the zero g acid blood scene. however it contains too few apes to compete with kingdom of for best vfx. (HALF KIDDING.)

the brutalist: well. 3/4 a great movie, 3/16 a good movie, and a profoundly unsatisfying ending. adrien brody was fucking amazing. guy pearce was fucking amazing. filmed absolutely beautifully, good score. a little hamfisted with its Messages but didn’t bother me too much. LOVE an intermission as a concept but it especially worked here bc it allowed for a shift in style without being (too) jarring. didn’t love some of the editing choices and as i said a kind of dud ending i think (may change my mind) but the whole is greater than the sum etc. did it need to be 4 hours? not really, but no part felt like a real waste of time.

[t4tpumpkinduo]

if those text post about the sa stuff is about cq i am baffled with how blind someone has to be to be that bad at media literacy and racist hello

no like. lmao it's super abt cq and yeah. it's horrible.✌️ i like don't even know where to begin w what an awful take it is. can we be people.

it's just uhh. well. imo not good to take v v lighthearted joke/outta context bits that aren't given narrative weight and then spin them into something they Never Were for some like. idk. leeway? is that what it is? leveling the playing field? i see this talk abt cquackity frm a lot of ppl (v consistently in cdr*blr, just to paint a picture lmao.) but the one that makes me the saddest is frm ppl who rlly like cschlatt and wnna fight back at his unjust bigoted fanon treatment by being unjust and bigoted to. another character?  like. ok? 😭

the worst thing is, for the second group, (first group don't matter i'm not wasting my time arguing w ppl like that), is that it's coming from ppl who are like. all things considered completely right abt cschlatt! it's absolutely correct to get upset abt an addict being demonized, having all his actions taken in the worst faith imaginable. having joke bits that don't have narrative weight treated as hard canon when that's not the case at all, just to paint some stupid picture that woobifies and dilutes other characters at his textually supposed to be sympathetic expense. it's ridiculous! that's all true!! cschlatt sweep forever that's my special princess like i agree!!!

so if you can understand that taking bits where he's like slapping cqs ass, or making boy prostitute jokes at cfundy, or batting people around jokingly/w no narrative weight are clearly meant to be at most shitty jests w no added pressure to them, and painting it as smthing else is disingenuous and transparent. why the hell are you taking like this abt cquackity then 😭 why the hell are HIS actions suddenly being scrutinized w the same rightfully critiqued incorrect lense! it's just sowugrrugrbrfnjfk

and on top of that, you cannot divorce the way ppl look at things and the way they filter them. like uhh for example. there's a stream where ckarl just like drugs cquackity. he puts heroin in his shit and it causes him a psychotic break and q chases the guy like an animal abt it for quite a while until he sobers up. ckarl also called him like ugly and stupid and unlikable and at one point hunted him down with an axe across the map bcs he left him at a joke altar. and i have never once in my life seen ppl freak out at ckarl abt it and go ohhh he must be a secret abuser oooh. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT TRUE AND SHOULD NEVER BE A TALKING POINT IN THE FIRST PLACE 😭 OBVIOUSLY!!! it's not supposed to be taken that way in the narrative at all. ckarl is explicitly a good guy, who means well and likes playing pranks on his friends who he loves dearly enough to sacrifice himself for them over and over. there's no awful weight to these actions he's playing his damn touys. when shit is meant to be held to a standard it literally just is held to it the dsmp isn't subtle there's no way around it. and if smone tried to tell you anything different abt it the ridicule they'd deserve would be astronomical.

ctubbo tried to drown ctommy and spent the whole time giggling abt it. that doesn't mean ctubs is some kinda freak abt it because it's treated in the narrative as a bit. ctommy hits and lashes out at cjack a lot. it's never treated or supposed to be taken as ctommy fucking abusing him. 😭 cschlatt and cq make jokes at eachother and it just point blank is never coded in any other way than them doing bits and speaking in freak tongues and having gay ghost sex infront of cq's fucking dad and being light hearted assholes to eachother until we get to the scenes where weight IS being applied. and even then it's not abusive it's human conflict between equals. like fuck's sake.

and idk. like i said, it rlly is interesting that it's applied to those character specifically. and the hypocritical gross ass double standard of it all is suddenly like. so ignorable huh how weird. so you see specifically the addict character who's at most an asshole as some uniquely scary demon evil abuser despite him not being that at all. you see this mentally ill deeply psychotic dude who's at most an asshole and think he's a violent freak who beats his brother even though he clearly isn't. you see this brown character, one of the ONLY ones, and suddenly yr stumbling over yrself abt how he's a violent assaulter and also fantasy racist to white characters despite all the. wow yr rlly cool and normal and not transparent at all hahaha. wow. hah. what a world.

anyways yeah like. i'm not gnna engage w this fuckass topic no more gensrs. it's bad for my blood sugars it's bad for my liver i've said my piece i'm done i'm sick of it. 👍 i'm just gnna start blocking even more ppl and focusing on the good of the fanbase instead. sucks that it's so common and unchecked but whatttt can you do except keep sending ghouls and devils to their addresses. if you have this wack ass "interpretation" do us both a favor and fucking block me. sword slash through the chest and you're on fire.

[freckliedan]

https://www.tumblr.com/freckliedan/769058798077902848/im-sorry-but-if-youve-only-been-a-phannie-since?source=share

i agree with you a lot (saying this as a REALLY new phannie, ive only been here a few months). hugs.

i feel like just simply wondering if someone could be trans shouldnt necessarily be seen as 'creepy speculation', and i notice that in general (with other youtubers/celebs etc not just phan) that when fans question if they're outside of what is considered to be the 'norm' in any way (such as queer, trans, neurodivergent etc) people call them creepy, parasocial, etc. but the same is not done if fans automatically assume them to be cis, straight or neurotypical. i feel like ppl upset with dangender may possibly be seeing it incorrectly, thinking that people are saying 'because dan said/did this, that means he MUST be this' but i haven't seen a singular person who posts dangender act like that, and i follow a LOT of ppl. the vast majority of what i see isn't even speculation, it's just positivity and ppl being happy about things he said/did, and being happy that he's happy.

being trans myself, i actually feel really happy that ppl find comfort/happiness in the idea of dan being of the cisn't variety and see it as a positive and beautiful thing. in media and real life it feels like transphobia is really loud, but little things like seeing people celebrate it here is what keeps me going. i'm not personally someone who believes in the idea per se (to me dan is just dan whatever he is haha), but i like seeing people be positive about it.

of course, not everyone will fuck with stuff like dangender and they dont have to, but like you said blocking/blacklisting words is always the best way to go about that. because otherwise it can come across as demonising something that someone only does to find comfort in. my time on the internet has made me learn that it's not always a personal attack against you if they're doing something you either dont like or find uncomfy. in fact a lot of the time it's not. i say this very gently to ppl against it, a random internet user who posts dangender is not doing it to hurt you or dan.

(linked post, with a lot of great additions in the tags)

anon! i'm really late to replying to this but thank you for chipping in! i sat on a handful of asks because i didn't want to accidentally create a strong discourse or answer asks while emotionally disregulated. and then bc i forgor.

but i'm still answering bc i especially love hearing from people with different phandom experiences & opinions from me 💛 AND because i know that so many people find joy and comfort in these kinda celebrations of whatever it is dan's doing.

i think you're really hitting the nail on the head w the creepy speculation thing—i've seen this reaction be especially strongest when it comes to speculation abt transness (esp transfemininity) and autism. it's a double standard! and it's coming from unexamined prejudice.

i think learning things aren't a personal attack is probably the most important possible piece here. over the years i've seen so many people behave poorly on phannie tumblr bc their feelings of validity in their personal identity were tied to their opinion of dan or phil's identity.

this was happening about sexuality labels before dnp came out, too—people used to get nasty about defending their bisexuality or gayness. and that pretty much always came from a lack of space between self identity and percieved identity of dnp.

i have a lot of compassion and understanding for people in that boat wrt dangender, you know? especially people younger than me. i used to run several queer support groups for young people, and every time someone was being hurtful with their views on gender it came from personal struggle.

i can't like, ignore it or let it slide, though. i love my kids from those groups to this day, but they didn't just hurt each other with some of their views. they really hurt me too. it makes it easy to spot when people are coming from the same perspective on here wrt dangender, even if it might be less overt and intentional shittiness.

i don't want to play dolls online with people who are in that kind of mindset! and that's why we love the block and mute functions of online.

& i also love finding & sharing joy on here about gender bc yeah! it fucking sucks most places. but we're home here 💛

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

Yes hi hello I’m that reformed-10-years-destiel anon from earlier this year and I know I’m late to the party but I have only just now (somehow) seen that you are in the process of writing spn again and I’m not exaggerating when I said I convulsed with excitement. Words cannot describe how much I’m looking forward to seeing what you make!! Your ideas are always so interesting and funny and I reread your fics like every 1-2 months bc I miss them so much. Your writing is so inspiring, and to me you are the STANDARD for in-character and compelling dialogue. I don’t know how you do it but it’s always perfect. I am staying EXTREMELY tuned for what comes next.

haha it's a very new development, me being back into spn. some very generous people donated to a fundraiser and requested spn fics and who am I to deny a donor anything??

it's been fun. I wouldn't be surprised if they don't hit QUITE the same as they did in my heyday but I'm okay with that. thank you for the kind words, I hope I can live up to them!!!

[vigilskeep]

quick tactics advice (i wrote this caption before i remembered how long my paragraphs get) from someone slowly figuring out dao! this might not work for everybody but i’m doing pretty well with it

i turn off all my player character’s tactics. i don’t want her to do anything and waste stamina/mana or move out of place while i’m popping over to micromanage someone else

i set archers & mages’ behaviour to ranged and leave everyone else on default. i could probably be doing something more interesting here but this works

sword & board warriors like alistair are pretty simple to run. shield bash and shield pummel both set to enemy: nearest visible. i have him activate threaten constantly and i have taunt set to “self: health >= 75%” which makes sure he keeps enough attention off the rest. you want to place taunt below shield bash and shield pummel in his tactics bc those are the priority. and then whenever his health is below 75% i have him put on shield defence, or shield wall instead once that’s unlocked. those reduce damage but damage isn't what he’s for. sometimes i also have him set to attack any enemy attacking the weakest ranged companion, that depends on ur party setup

templar activated talents i would handle manually. berserkers absolutely must be set to berserk whenever combat starts

when it comes to healers, a trick i figured out recently is for their top tactic to be regeneration set to "ally: lowest health". it’s a fairly cheap spell, mana wise, and it means whoever’s doing bad is constantly getting a big helping hand. can't express enough how helpful this is. they do keep doing it constantly even out of combat which some people might find annoying but u can always turn it off whenever u r just walking around if it bothers u

otherwise the main things i have my healer doing are the heal spell on anyone under 50% and a glyph of warding just set to any ally being melee attacked. spirit healer spells are great but all have a bitch of a cooldown so i would handle those manually. i have my healer set to run death magic if she goes under 50% right now but no constant sustained mode, everything even offensive spells is a waste compared to keeping up constant heal and regen spells. the occasional elemental spell can work in a tight spot but you want to be sparing and do that manually. ur healer should be attracting no attention at all from enemies

for more of a damager mage, set winter's grasp or lightning as the lowest tactic so that's their standard behaviour if they have nothing else to do. i have a weapon mode sustained constantly (self: any), frost, flaming or telekinetic weapons will do, i believe morrigan comes with frost. otherwise damagers are going to attract more attention so run something defensive like mind blast on 'self: surrounded by at least two enemies', set drain life for if their health goes down, and generally remember to keep an eye on killing anything that touches them. do not set cones (cone of cold, flame blast) on tactics; it requires moving in from their ranged position and getting the right angle to avoid hitting the party, so handle that manually, but remember to do it and often because they're great. area of effect stuff you CAN do on tactics but considering there's friendly fire if you play above easy and just generally it requires an awareness of what's happening, i would handle that manually as well. the same for spells like forcefield that are adaptable and strategic (use it if you want to keep a particular enemy out of the fight until you're done with the rest, if an ally has been crushing prisoned or curse of mortalityed, if your warrior is dying and unsalvageable but could still keep attention off others if there to be pointlessly attacked, etc.)

remember to keep an eye on the resistances of whatever you're mainly fighting e.g. winter's grasp cone of cold and frost weapons are great spells cold is a great tree but if you set them for a place full of walking corpses you will die

i honestly do not find archer activated abilities that helpful at all with a party beside you especially for how fucking LONG they take. i would much rather have leliana constantly firing than trying to do what a mage could do in half the time. instead set multiple sustained modes to always run (self: any). right now i have leliana running rapid shot, song of courage and suppressing fire. you can't run rapid shot and aim simultaneously and i find rapid shot more useful. dirty fighting is too fucking good to waste so i also have that on for if she gets melee attacked or, since she should really be out of range for that nonsense, i switch to her occasionally to dart in and stun someone manually

take my two-handed warrior advice with a grain of salt bc mine die on me frankly but i think that's an attributes problem. i recommend constant indomitable and powerful swings. mighty blow and sunder arms are great generally just do whatever tactic keeps those coming. i would hold off on pommel strike and use that manually whenever u really need to interrupt what an enemy's doing or are dying and really need some breathing space

i do not know how to do dual wielding rogues yet god bless. or hexes. i can't help you

[crimeronan]

hi I saw you posting about the silt verses. it sounds interesting so I googled it but I'd like to hear what You have to say about it!!

(I'd also like to ask if it has any emphasis on bug-related horror bc that's a huge no from me, but if it doesn't I think I'll take a listen)

oh lord i have So Much to say about it. asking me what i have to say about the silt verses is like asking me what i have to say about call down the hawk or the owl house, like. it's a piece of media that is so immaculately conceived and well-executed that i can meta about Literally Every Single Line. if you've followed me for a while you probably know that i have high standards for horror media bc it's my most-consumed comfort genre; the silt verses is my fave piece of horror media Of All Time.

as for bugs, they don't play a huge role in the overarching story, but i do FOR SURE remember some imagery about parasites, insects, and people being transformed into bug-like creatures. so i'd look up episode warnings prior to consuming it, i can't remember off the top of my head which episodes specifically involve that.

the silt verses is, on the surface, a typical horror story about another world where gods are created through belief & fed through sacrifice. different gods have attracted cult followings, some gods are outlawed, some are not. it's stuff you've probably seen before if you're an avid supernatural horror fan.

however the writers then take the time to do absolutely Vicious and Scathing social commentary about pretty much every leftist topic you can think of. cult abuse, late-stage capitalism, corporate "we're all a family" speak, war, fascism, the creation of Unpersons with unhoused and mentally ill populations, prison violence, police violence, copaganda, generational trauma, environmental catastrophe, rural vs city mindsets and the political manipulation behind them..... Every Single Plot Point and piece of imagery serves a social commentary purpose. every single god and political movement is a transparent metaphor or allegory for our own world.

but what really keeps me coming back to it are the character arcs. from a horror writer's perspective, i can see exactly how carefully those arcs were sketched and plotted out. each of the narrators is dynamic and goes through a huge amount of character development -- positive for some, Horrifically Negative for others. characters are frequently caught between a rock and a hard place, forced to choose between two things they've always wanted...... and they also frequently choose Wrong.

and then they have to live with the consequences of those choices.

the protags are all messy and flawed and complicated, the antags are all messy and grounded and Very Real, and the relationships between people grow in organic ways that make me go MMM... before falling apart in equally organic ways. if you've ever enjoyed the same kind of desperate codependent and messy relationships that i most often write, HOO BOY you will have a good time with this podcast.

and if you like stories about people who are Genuinely Trying Their Best In The Face Of Impossible Circumstances, you'll ALSO get a lot of mileage out of this. it's a show where people make a lot of terrible decisions but also, people care So So So So So Fucking Much. really hits that sweet spot between nihilistic "everyone sucks" media and saccharine "everyone is always good at heart, all the time" media.

it also features some of the most stunning voice acting i've ever heard, not just in podcasts but in any media, ever. méabh de brún, b. narr, jimmie yamaguchi, and lucille valentine in particular all fucking KILL IT. like DAMN

and i can wholeheartedly recommend it without adding this, but if it's important to you: like 98% of the characters are queer. lots of trans cast members, lots of gay relationships, ace rep, los jibbities who get to be just as Fucking Terrible and embarrassing and hopeless as the characters in my fave White Man (TM) tv shows. u know how it is. i want queer people who are shitty bitches, always. and the silt verses DELIVERS

it's just. really good. i realize that this doesn't even get into the intricacies of who the characters are and what they want and what happens, bc like i said, i can talk about this show for a novel's length of meta. but these are the broad strokes of what has me in love with the narrative. it's So Good.

[llau-ren-ti-a]

The Bad Batch Ask Game

created by @wreckers-wife

@nahoney22

First of all thanks for the message and thank you for bringing this to my attention, my asks are open now 😁

So let's get right to it!

21. Which Batcher is the best cook?

I'd love to say Hunter, but with his senses it could get difficult (hell, I consider myself a decent cook and can't prepare meat half of the time bc I can't stand the smell) so I'm going with Echo and Cross!

Echo because he actually values food that isn't 'standard rations' and has a thing for proper nutrition and Crosshair because he's a control freak in the kitchen - he won't let you lift a finger and only serves whatever meets his expectations.

38. What color do you associate with each Batcher?

That's a tough one, but I'll try my best!

Wrecker

Wrecker was the easiest to come up with, and I know, yellow is a happy colour and that's why I associate him with it bla bla bla - his scar reminds me of the sun, a star bursting across his face. He's warm summer days spent in the sun, elderflower lemonade and daisies.

When I was in school we used to play "Yellow Car", whenever you spotted a yellow car you could hit one of the fellow players, and I think he'd be weirdly competitive about that.

Omega

Omega was a close second, and my colour is turquoise! Do you know this specific shade of turquoise that every other girl's rooms had back in the 2010s? Either you knew someone who had a room like that or you were that person. I can remember that so vividly and she instantly reminded me of her so much. She'd totally be one of those girls with turquoise walls.

I'm also so sure adores the ocean and sky, aside from the storm grey she was surrounded with on Kamino.

Tech

A little conflicted about our dear Tech - he reminds me of vaporwave and 80s computers; to me he is the embodiment of 80s and 90s synthwave (aesthetic), black and neon pinks and blues and purples and oranges - it was really a tie between the latter but I went with purple, it's still quite a nice colour and I think he'd center his whole being around this colour like many purple people do. (Orange people are actually exactly the same, but they are less vocal about it haha)

Echo

Sad beige clothes for sad beige children.

Look me straight into my bright blue eyes and tell me Echo would not absolutely THRIVE in a clean, cozy minimalistic apartment. I would pay an ungodly amount of money to wrap him up in a beige silk/mohair blend cable knit sweater and watch him drink a black tea with milk and sugar while he's sitting on clean white bed sheets. Need I say more?

Hunter

(Sidenote: I am having an absolute field day imagining Hunter in one of those Park Ranger Uniform shorts)

I think the consensus is that a lot of people associate him with red (because he is the leader of the squad and their colours are black and red...)

And I get it, red and brown suit him well in my opinion, but he really is green to me. Not really sage green or dark forest green, more the yellowish chartreuse kind of swampy green.

Crosshair

I get it. I absolutely do. The angry, dangerous, even lustful dark reds and blacks that so many people pair him with.

My soul tells me he is green. Not that friendly, lively kind of green that Hunter has, but this dark and forgotten shade of ancient woods that block out the sun once you've walked a few steps into them. Kind of Twilight-esque pacific northwedt vibes, but scarier and less blue filter.

I know he would kill me if he heard me compare him to Hunter like that, but I really think they are quite alike.

The difference lies here:

Hunter invites you in, whereas Crosshair is warning you to stay away.

- - -

I hope that made some sense haha!

That was fun, thanks for the message! <3

[chevvy-ryder]

Since my post yesterday I knew those thoughts would come back again, so I'll quickly write them down and explain what plagues me.

I am kinda afraid to post any written stuff here ‒ Ryder's chapter 4 specifically.

See, it always happens that the content I'm super proud of stays often unnoticed and even I got some tag comments that people will sit down to read it I rarely to never receive any feedback on the actual content itself afterward.

Most tag comments address the graphical way it was posted in the first place. At least this is how I receive it via my notifications.

I should not give a fuck about it, yet I do (working on this to overcome it eventually one day), as I know a few of my friends and followers do like my content and some told me in private about a few things.

But here is me wanting to desperately know how people felt reading about what we/I wrote so far!

I wanna know how they saw Ryder all the time since I created him and how they do see him now (after reading his take on Techno(ise) and previous chapters but especially when I post chapter 04).

I wanna know if my writing did move someone.

What was written stood out the most.

A favorite special detail.

A favorite sentence.

Stuff like that.

Recapping it all so far, we didn't really receive anything like that on the previous 3 chapters here with one exception.

I wanna know what people think of the Golden Demon of Kabuki.

How they see Vijay.

What they think of the fight scenes (they were so hard to write).

Do they like the dynamic of the characters?

What's the favorite chapter so far.

And so on.

The major thing I receive as a tag comment mostly is how incredible our/my work is ‒ yeah but what specifically? Just give me a detail that actually does tell me you have read it.

I project the tag comments mostly onto how it is packed as in the skill in graphic and layout design. The thing is, my choomzies, I know I am good at this ‒ I do not need to know my graphic skills are xyz good. This is a normal standard for me. Yes I understand a lot of people see it compliment worthy but it really is not what I seek after.

The real deal is the writing and the characters and their dynamics we both (@nervouswizardcycle and me) would love feedback on the most.

How do u see Arki? Vijay? Ryder? Hizumi?

The team's dynamic so far.

Who do you think is main protagonist in this?

What about the music we picked?

Anything.

Maybe I ask for too much, or maybe I should throw just the text onto ao3 without any graphics at all in hope to get the comments we seek after. But this story deserves more than just a text form given the magic of VP and digital tools we have.

I am super good in wishful thinking but reality hits you in the face every day anew.

Also: if there's anyone who feels the same about their work, feel free to tag/contact/send me your stuff, whether be it writing, vp or anything you wish to have a comment on.

I'm sick of this fast paced internet behavior our brains took on during the past few years. No one has time for anything at all (that still includes me too and I am working on it to be better). It's the main reason why I left so many discords now and don't participate on most social media platforms anymore either. Having 5 or more apps to post your content eats all the time and drains you. So I made the decision to focus on my own little server and tblr mainly now.

A small tip:

If I see a post with a lot of text over here (mostly when I get tagged on) I save it to my drafts so I'll always see it as a reminder to sit down and read through it. Bc if I just like it, and reblog it immediately with adding a tag telling the OP I need to find time to read asap, bru, I just won't do it bc it vanishes amongst my other likes/reblogs.

Dunno, but others maybe might add an extra tag where they go through it again to have it as a reminder?However, using drafts is the thing that works for me best when I want to read someones content on another day bc I got noticed or saw it but currently have no time bc of. eg. work.

Anyhow, enough babbling.

I'm off to play at bit Horizon. Thx for reading choom <3