#bc of him we dont call it dissociating

[algrenion]

the way my boyfriend supports me when i am dissociating is so delightful, man can take my medical conditions flaring up and say "hey! let's make this fun!"

[laneywrld]

futile devices | Lewis Hamilton

request: you have a real talent for angst hehe. can i request one with lewis where he broke up with reader bcs he said he needed a break. but then not long after he was out with other women. the breakup broke reader she turned into a whole diff person. and she was like "i dont think any of that was real" when she talked abt her past with lewis? please tear my heart apart into pieces, im begging you

word count: 2.4k

warnings: ANGSTTT, dissociation, therapy, religious talks.

listen while you read for the full experience:

apple music, spotify

You read something once, it goes, did god create humans because he was lonely or humans God because they were lonely?

Now, you were never strongly religious, enough to go to church three times a week or remember to pray before each meal or bedtime, a part of you wants to believe that there is a God. A flicker of you does feel like, hey, there has to be someone out there pushing my hand like this, there has to be a reason for this.

And that's human nature, needing a reason.

When you don't have a reasonable explanation for things, your mind searches for that reasoning. History shows, that when man knows nothing man creates, look at mythology for an example.

In ancient cultures, the world was filled with mysteries—natural events, life and death, the changing seasons—that seemed inexplicable without invoking a higher power or supernatural beings.

So, what did humans do?

They have created gods and mythical figures to explain phenomena they didn't understand.

In a way it's a beautiful thing, what that has done is infuse our real world with a sense of order and meaning in a world that could often seem chaotic and purposeless.

That is what life is without reasoning, a big fucking question.

Humanity sought not only to explain the world around them but also to find their place within it, weaving their existence into the larger tapestry of the cosmos.

We have an enduring need to seek meaning in the face of the unfathomable, to transform the mysterious into the comprehensible, and to infuse our world with a sense of purpose and coherence.

The point is this, maybe you were blind to it all, maybe your brain forced you to believe it. Forced you to see things as they weren't.

Lewis Hamilton never loved you, he never even cared. You can see that now.

The point is this: maybe you were blind to it all, maybe your brain forced you to believe it, to see things as they weren't. For the longest time, you believed Lewis Hamilton loved you. His charming smile, the way he looked at you, the tender moments you shared—they all seemed so real, so genuine.

But in the end, it was all a façade.

It started to unravel one evening when Lewis sat you down, a serious look on his face. "I need a break," he said, his voice devoid of the warmth you were used to. "I need to find myself."

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. You wanted to understand, to support him in his quest for self-discovery. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, the truth began to surface. The only thing Lewis found was himself under different women.

The news and rumors reached you like whispers in the wind, each one a dagger to your heart.

It boggled you, it really did. How could someone who seemed so loving, so dedicated, turn out to be so deceitful? You replayed your memories, searching for signs, for clues you might have missed. Maybe you were blind to it all, or maybe you wanted so desperately to believe in his love that you ignored the red flags.

There were moments that stood out now, in harsh clarity. The late nights he claimed were for training, the mysterious phone calls he brushed off, the growing distance in his eyes. You had chalked it up to stress, to the demands of his career. But now, it all made sense. It was never about finding himself; it was about finding excuses.

The realization hurt more than you could have imagined. You felt betrayed, not just by Lewis, but by your own heart for leading you astray. The love you thought was real had been a carefully constructed illusion, and you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered trust.

Did god create humans because he was lonely or humans God because they were lonely?

You were lonely, and you filled that void with Lewis, even if it wasn't real, you allowed him to fill every crevice of your life with a warmth and excitement you had previously been lacking.

It became clear that it's a bad religion to love someone who could never love you back. Loving Lewis had been like worshiping a false god, investing your heart and soul into something that could never reciprocate your devotion.

You didn't know who you were without Lewis.

And that was the problem, yeah you realize now that true love, the kind that is worth believing in, is mutual and nurturing, not one-sided and destructive.

But he's fucking ruined you to the point of no return.

You always thought that those people who let their lives be flipped upside down over a breakup were dramatic. You used to believe that heartbreak was something you could just push through, that it was a part of life everyone had to endure and move past. Yet now, you understood fully. It's crazy how losing someone—or rather, being left by someone you thought loved you—could indeed flip your own life upside down and launch you back further than you knew you could go.

There was no point of return. The realization that Lewis never truly loved you was a blow that shattered your world. The man who once filled your days with laughter and your nights with tender whispers had left you with a void so profound it felt like you were lost in an endless abyss.

Lewis made you lack a belief in everything.

The trust you once held sacred, the love you thought was mutual, the future you had envisioned together—everything now seemed like a cruel illusion. His departure didn't just break your heart; it broke your spirit. You found yourself doubting your worth, your judgment, your ability to ever truly know someone.

You didn't know what was real or fake.

Nights were the hardest. Alone in the quiet of your room, memories would flood your mind—the way he used to hold you, the promises he made, the plans you both had. The betrayal felt like an echoing void, reminding you of the deception hidden behind charming smiles. You felt untethered, adrift in a sea of emotions with no solid ground in sight.

You began to see the world through a lens of skepticism. Where once you saw possibilities and hope, now you saw uncertainty and doubt. Lewis’ betrayal had sown seeds of mistrust in your heart, making it difficult to believe in anything or anyone. The optimism that once colored your outlook on life had been replaced by a grim resignation.

You didn't even know if you believed in God anymore, or purpose, or happiness. Lewis had taken every ounce of reasoning from you. Your brain couldn't decipher what was real or fake.

Was it real or was it fake?

Did Lewis love you or was this a sick game?

Did he love you or were you just lonely?

You didn't know what was real or fake, and it made you feel so fucking crazy.

The questions haunted you, relentlessly looping through your mind.

You replayed your relationship over and over, scrutinizing every moment, every gesture. What was real? What was fake? The uncertainty gnawed at your sanity, eroding the foundation of your life.

The world around you seemed distorted as if reality itself had become an unreliable narrator in the story of your life.

Your faith, which had once been a source of comfort and strength, now felt fragile and distant. You questioned everything you had once held dear, everything that had given your life meaning. Was there a higher power? A divine purpose? The betrayal had not only broken your heart but also shaken the very core of your beliefs.

Purpose felt like a cruel joke. The plans you had made, the dreams you had shared with Lewis, all seemed meaningless now. Happiness, once a tangible goal, now felt like an elusive mirage, always just out of reach. The void left by Lewis's departure was filled with a consuming darkness that threatened to swallow you whole.

You tried to find solace in the familiar, in the routine, but nothing felt the same. Your friends and family offered words of comfort, but their reassurances felt hollow, unable to penetrate the depths of your despair. You were trapped in a maze of confusion and pain, each turn leading you further into the unknown.

There were moments when you questioned your sanity. The line between reality and illusion had become so blurred that you wondered if you were losing your mind. You felt disconnected from yourself, from the person you used to be as if you were living in a surreal nightmare from which there was no escape.

You felt mindless, maybe he had taken your mind with him.

It felt as if your head could collapse at any given moment.

Your family wanted you to try therapy; you weren't yourself. Maybe, aside from taking your mind, Lewis also took the person you were with him. Therapy was hard, and though you've had session after session, you feel the same. Where was the progress everyone promised? Your therapist's voice drones on and on, and you feel like you're watching her from the hollowness like you've taken a backseat to your own life. Every single day felt like you were watching your life from another person's gaze, or like you were sitting inside your brain watching from your eyes, except it wasn't you.

Your therapist is still talking. Nothing she says helps; you want her to shut up as she spews the importance of finding yourself again. You want to scream at her as she preaches about purpose, but when you zero in, you're still quiet, eyes dead and hands folded. You're screaming inside your head, but she keeps talking.

You don't mean to cut her off, or maybe you do, but when the words tumble from your lips, she cocks her head in a way that tells you she's going to have fun studying this session later in the day.

"I feel like I'm not even here," you say, your voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like I'm watching my life happen to someone else."

Your therapist pauses, her pen hovering over her notepad. "That's a significant observation," she says slowly, as if measuring each word. "It sounds like you're experiencing dissociation, a common response to trauma."

You want to roll your eyes at her clinical response, but you can't muster the energy.

"Why does it matter?" you ask, your tone flat. "Knowing what's wrong doesn't make it better. I'm still...gone."

She leans forward slightly, her eyes searching yours for a flicker of connection. "It's the first step," she says. "Understanding what you're experiencing can help us find a way to bring you back. It's not a quick process, but it's a start."

You feel a surge of frustration. "Everyone keeps saying that. 'It's a process,' 'It's a journey,' 'It takes time.' But what if I never get back to who I was? What if I'm stuck like this forever?"

Your therapist doesn't flinch. "It's a valid fear," she acknowledges. "But healing isn't about returning to who you were. It's about integrating your experiences and finding a new sense of self. It’s about moving forward, not backward."

Her words echo in your mind, but they don't penetrate the numbness you feel. "I don't even know who I am anymore," you admit, the confession feeling like a weight lifted and a burden simultaneously.

"That's why we're here," she says gently. "To help you rediscover yourself. To help you heal. It's okay to feel lost right now. What's important is that you're here, trying to find your way."

You sit in silence, her words hanging in the air. Despite your resistance, a small part of you wants to believe her, to hope that maybe, just maybe, you can find your way out of this darkness.

But for now, you're still watching from the hollow place, detached and distant. Therapy might be a lifeline, but it feels like you're grasping at straws. You hope that someday, the promises of progress will become more than empty words, that you’ll find a way to step back into your own life, whole and strong.

But for now, that hope feels unrealistic. All you want is to know what was real. Were you that lonely? You had never felt lonely before him, never felt like a piece of you was missing. Before Lewis, you felt content with life, fulfilled.

The question haunted you. How had you become so dependent on his presence, his validation? You had always prided yourself on your independence, your ability to find joy and meaning in your own life. Friends, family, your work—these had always been enough. So why, after Lewis, did everything feel so empty?

Your mind raced back to the beginning, to the thrill and excitement of new love. You remembered how he made you feel special like you were the center of his universe.

It was intoxicating, a heady rush that blurred the lines between reality and fantasy. You realized now that you had mistaken the intensity of those feelings for something deeper, something real.

In the quiet of your therapy sessions, you wrestled with these thoughts. Your therapist's words often felt like background noise, drowned out by the clamor of your own doubts and insecurities. Yet, there was a part of you that recognized the need to confront these feelings, to understand why you had allowed yourself to become so entwined with someone who ultimately proved unworthy of your adoration.

Were you lonely? Or was it that Lewis had awakened a vulnerability you didn't know existed?

His departure left a gaping wound, exposing the raw edges of your heart. The loneliness you felt now wasn't just the absence of his presence, but the loss of the illusion of love he had created. It was the shattering of a carefully constructed facade that had made you feel whole, if only for a fleeting moment.

As you sat in your therapist's office, the background noise of her voice suddenly halted. For the first time, you murmured a sentence that showed progress, even if it was wrapped in sadness.

"I don't think any of it was real."

the way I just wrote this in 38 minutes, in my dark ass room with the linked song on replay while it's raining. what a great day. I'm really convinced that I can only write angst!

to the anon who called me sad and smutty ilyyyyy 🫶🏽😭 I'm making it my bio

also, I don't have access to the form for the taglist right now, so if you would like to be added or if you already submitted your user, pls just send me an ask with your user pls <3

[divineintervention-comics]

When did you first read the myth of Ganymede? And why did you chose to make a comic for this myth?

its a long and convoluted story but im happy to share. in 2015, i was in middle school, i made horror character designs based on the zodiac signs and those later became OCs (i have never read homestuck, everything i know about it was forced upon me by my friends in school). i used the myths as backstories for the characters when they are living constellations. i wanted to make a RPG and they were stars that fell to earth when the gods got too caught up in their bullshit and neglected humanity and the earth and now they have to save the world.

i was immediately attached to Aquarius (who is now Ganymede), he was always an androgynous perpetually dissociated character even before i knew the backstory. i was a teenager myself at this point when i really got into it, and i found the Zeus and Ganymede myth to be disturbing since i was his age. it stuck with me, to the point where i struggled to find the other constellations myths less compelling.

i dont know how to code and didnt know how to make games, i already felt like i was losing it bc its been in production hell since i was 12 and i was 17 at the time. i felt like before i make the game, i should make backstory comics for ALL 12 CHARACTERS (how i thought i would be able to do that when i only cared about 2-3 of the characters in the series who knows). i couldnt stop thinking about Ganymede, i couldnt stop thinking about a story where he is a character and not just an object in the narrative.

in 2020-2021, i made my first draft beta version, it wasnt called "Cupbearers", it was "Divine Intervention: Cupbearer". i just found the myth so compelling in a "i need to make a horror story out of this" way, i needed to cope with my own fears of kidnapping, sexual abuse, human trafficking, loss of bodily autonomy, transformations, immortality, and being stuck through this myth inspired comic.

Ganymede, even as Aquarius, has always been a cathartic character for me, both as a 12 year old and now as a 21 year old. i grow up but he is cursed with immortality, cursed with eternal youth, the world keeps moving on and he will never be able to catch up. stuck in the same spot, never moving forward, never moving backwards, just stuck working for the man who stole his life until the end of time, eternal punishment viewed as a gift by those who bestowed it upon him. how could you be so ungrateful? we gave you a gift. we took you away from everything you've ever known, we've taken away ownership of your body, we've turned you into a beast like us, being tortured by me is a gift, it is a privilege that i chose you, you ungrateful meat-thing.

but he is just a kid, i want to protect him, i want to draw him having fun, i want to draw him enjoying a good meal, i want to see him find any comfort in the horror that is immortality. he's only a kid. just a baby, barely even though puberty, his brain isnt done developing, he had a future, he could have grown up and chose his own life. i think about that a lot.

i just generally have a lot of thoughts, everything i write and draw for this project has a point, it has a purpose, its not just needless suffering i dont write despair. (some zeus x ganymede shipper vagueposted about cupbearers being needless wallowing without purpose bc i dont write fluff fics between a grown man and his child slave)

i really appreciate this ask!!! thanks for asking me about my thought process, i have so much going on in my head and i need to get it out somehow

[trebuchet151]

If you’re up for it, I’d love to hear more about Corey! What kind of villain he is, what his goals are, anything you’d be willing to share? No pressure of course! Love seeing your art

Starting with a heartfelt thank you for your interest in them, I think my blog has gotten more attention today bc of your reblog than it has collectively since I made it lmao. I am a huge fan of your sidestep too actually, I've only recently quit being just a lurker on this site but I've always loved seeing Richard cross my dash.

I'd LOVE to share about Corey!!!

I'm not 100% sure on a canon route yet, but for now this is one of my favs

Under a cut for length

Back during the sidestep days, they were known as a vigilante, specializing in tech and tactics. Once Anathema and Ortega broke the ice, they really opened up and became very social (comparatively anyway, theyre still a homebody) and were very involved in their community in like a local cryptid way ("honey, the masked stranger that cut the boot off my tire is on the TV lurking in the background of a rangers interview"). Very stray cat affection style, went from "i hate you dont touch me" to being in Themmy/ Ortega's space constantly. They have absolutely terrible mental health that was somewhat on the mend thanks to the support of their friends until they went and got the "taste the metal"/"one more day" path during the heartbreak incident .

During Rebirth, they're much more withdrawn and dissociative. In the time since the heartbreak incident they have become much more cautious and try to avoid combat whenever they can, taking telepathic boosters and speed/jump-jets as their armor enhancements. They blow up the museum while maintaining a no kill status and take the villain name "Heartbreak" (i love the angst that one brings). Corey blames themselves for what happened to them and their friends (sidestep/past self nemesis), and their motivation is their anger over everything that's happened to them.

Corey changes nemesis/motives between rebirth and retribution. Their more social nature starts coming back as their relationship with the current rangers and mortem improves and they go to therapy, which mellows them out a lot. They begin to wonder if they're doing the wrong thing (current self nemesis) and change motivations to "show the world the truth". Heartbreak becomes an anarchist, dedicated to exposing corrupt politicians with the least amount of violence possible. Their irresistable urge to monologue about how fucked up things are makes both Ortega and Chen sympathetic and suspicious.

For now, Corey's got a mirror image puppet named Mallory. Ideally, the puppet would be a woman for maximum gender crisis, but I love the scene in Ortega's romance that has him call the puppet by sidesteps name, and that only triggers with the mirror image achievement.

I have played ALL the romance routes and adore everyone, especially Dr. Mortum (Corey's new best friend), but the friends to lovers with Ortega wins me over, so Ortega is winning the canon route by a very thin margin.

I'm having a very hard time figuring out Corey's gender issues, bc we have dysphoria in opposite directions. I *think* they're agender, but that might change over time who knows. They're gonna come out during the story whenever that gets addressed, so He/him and They/them are both applicable

My favorite retribution ending so far is where Corey goes to see HG themselves, crashes, and is revealed as Heartbreak, but Ortega breaks them out anyway.

Thank you so much for your interest in Corey! I love them so much and am thrilled to share <3

I'll put together a more coherent summary of their lore eventually, but hopefully this is good for now :)

[csaventing]

This is going to be long and i speak spanish so probably im going to have grammar mistakes U.u

When I was 16 I hang out with a classmate, he abuse me but idk it was weird and im not sure if it was abuse. When i was with him we were in a public space and he made me do sexual things, it felts weird but i didn´t said no but i didn´t wanted to do what we were doing but why i didn´t said no? maybe i wanted to do the things but it was HIM WHO TAKE MY HAND and move it all the time, it wasn´t ME who was doing the things, he was just using my hands and my body. He also made me things to me and i felt weird because i felt paralize and dissociated and I remember that i was having flashbacks of another moment in my life that i was abused, it was uncomfortable but i just can´t bealive that i was REALLY abuse bc i didn´t said no, because of that i feel so guilty and ashame of the situation...

Everything got worse some time later bc another girl of my school openly said that she was abuse by this same guy and the school take legal actions and what she said that he do to her was THE SAME THINGS that he did to me. In that moment i said what he did to me and the school alo take the legal actions but i felt the the theachers and the others adults didn´t bealive me at all, they looked at me like i was doing eveerything for atention and they ask me what happend and i I could see in their faces that they didn't believe me at all because the ask if i say no and because i didn´t said no they said that probably i wanted to do everything and obviously he didn´t notice that i was uncomfortable BUT BRO I WASN´T EVE MOVING I DIDN´T SAY NOTHING WHILE HE TOUCH ME AND HE MADE ME TUCH HIM, IT WAS HIM WHO MADE ME DO EVERYTHING!!!! they didn´t take me seriously. My friends alredy know what happend bc i told them the situation the day after it happend and fortunately when my classmates found out every single one bealive me without doing any questions me and kinda protect me of him when he arrive to the classroom, they move all the seats of the clasroom away from his seat and also put juice and yogurt in his backpack were he has his ipad in a way to made justice and take revenge for what he did to me and the other girl, they were sweet.

Anyways i still feel bad and ashame and a liar when i say that he abuse me because maybe he didn´t do it and everything was my fault because i didn´t say no in an explicit way, it made me doubt of what happend.

If someone could give me and opinion about all this situation it will be amazing because idk what to think about this situation. This happend when i had 16 and now im almost 20 and i still dont know if it was abuse or was just my fault because i didn´t say no and he never wanted to hurt me ?

To me this sounds like abuse. Many people who were abused didn’t clearly say no when it was happening. This can be due to fear, like you say feeling paralyzed. That’s called the “freeze response”. You are not to blame no matter if you didn’t say no. Also, no matter if you maybe “wanted it” or not, he should have asked and made sure you consented. I believe you.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm not sure what kind of spider it was, it was itty bitty and it was kinda walking around on my blanket and i reached out and it crawled onto my hand [i sleep on the floor because i'm worse than the joker (✿◠‿◠)]

when i was like. In the Ambulance. back in june. the paramedics asked me if i have any health conditions. and i told them something a bit like "physically not much, mentally autism spectrum and dissociative disorder" cuz i didn't want to speak much because Pain so i just skipped some words here and there. and later (when they actually agreed to drive me to a Regular Hospital after spending a Lot of time on talking) paramedic 1 asked paramedic 2 if they should [word that usually means something like "secure" but is often a fancy word for "restrain"] me and paramedic 2 said that it doesn't seem necessary

this is what Split (2016) does to ur brain..... why would you even consider restraining someone who is eerily calm according to u. also i was like less than two meters away and could hear them (◡‿◡✿)

im gonna go snork mimi now... night night ♡ or probably more like. day day. idk.

- kanra

SPLIT (2016) (DEROGATORY)

hyde is my ""evil alter"" but im actually a lot worse than him hngnf dhddn. he has a normie ass persecuter name but he stole it from someone on twitter who followed me and had fuckin, "dni if ur problematic!!!" in his fucken carrd so hyde STOLE HIS NAME. my brother in christ my twitter username is BREAKINGIZAYA. we post freak shit here sir!!

and yeaaagh thats why i dont tell my doctors abt my mento illesses except for my anorexia, bc its relevant so they STOP PUSHING WEIGHT LOSS ON ME EVERY APPOINTMENT but its not like they listen tho teehee!! except my GI doc shes a real one mwah! its always the doctors who have the least amount of control over yr health that r the nicest fr!!!! oooo i needed to call physical therapy for my back MONTHSSSSSS ago ffucky wucky fuckie

ANYWAY THE SPIDER !!!! i luv spiders they r so cute!!! heres a pic of a spider outside my apartment!!!! featuring a scandalous bit of ankle mmmmmmmmmmm

[lunar-lair]

oh dont worry there will be comfort had during and after the breakdown. ceruleans gonna get his moment in...math sounds. draxum...chapter 7! chapter 7. nod nod. and blue will quietly follow him and go its ok, its ok, i cant remember right either (leo adhder and dissociation friend extradonaire, i know this in my heart) and you deserve to break down, have your moment, ill cover for you, im here, because he may only be 15 but he refuses to be a support for the man that raised the brightest star hes ever met (read: casey) and for the man whose world fell out from under him at 15 years old, the version of him that didnt fix it. its that fire, that neverending care, that hand, held out forevermore to a man that hell never be, to a man so broken yet smiling regardless, an echo of the cracks of his shell, scars on their hearts and an arms lost and ribs still healing. i wrote 3k last night but i had to like nearly physically restrain myself from continuing writing last night bc i love writing draxum and im gonna go fucking feral on that moment. temples pressed together and muttering its alright, youre in the past, if youre hearing your voice youre not there, where are you, do you know? its ok, do you want casey? like i. gestures around. cerulean is family. because hes a hamato. and hes so nice, and hes fun, and he raised casey, and its enough, and he refuses to let him do this alone. idk they mean a lot to me i promise theyre gonna get real close. them and casey are gonna be SUCH a tight knit trio by the end of this fic. i called their relationship like a captcha in my notes and its entirely true

EXACTLY. except were desperately trying to get him to come inside so we can dRY YOU OFF LEONARDO PLEASE LET US PUT YOU IN THE DRYER. itll be soft tumble warm we promise

glad to be part of the plan babey!! (and dw abt it lmao i have a bad habit of throwing a ton of words at peoples faces, so im used to them taking a sec to reply anyways lmao)

SURPRISE

PEEPAW FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME GET YOUR FOOD PEEPAW FANS

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46262290/chapters/116469370

right now its just one chapter/leo and casey but theres more written i promise!! just gonna update slowly like a normal person lmao. enjoy the boys for now tho <3

[gunmetal-ring]

I think a big problem is that sometimes we refuse to acknowledge our favorite characters are flawed and yet thats why we love them. Real people are flawed. Thats what makes the characters realistic and multi-dimensional and thats why we love them. This is much longer than i anticipated lol

Eddie can be a real asshole, on purpose, and kind of intimidating. Yes he has a heart of gold but that doesnt change the fact that he is not an uwu sweetiepie to everyone he comes across from moment one. Thats what makes his interactions with chrissy and dustin (and even steve, to an extent) so meaningful - bc he simply Is Not Like That with anyone else. Its a layer to his personality that he doesnt not easily share. Yet hes also genuinely snarky and sarcastic and kind of a dick, and a coward, too. He runs from danger and puts other people at risk/in danger/hurts other people because of it. Sure its justified at times but it doesnt change the fact that being mean and a coward is a character flaw. It doesnt make him a bad person. It makes him realistic.

Chrissy doesnt like being vulnerable. Shes self destructive. She doesnt open up to her friends or family or her boyfriend that loves her. Shes walled off and lies to them and tells them everything is fine. She would rather dissociate/do drugs than try to solve her problems. It doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her realistic.

Flaws dont mean "a thing that ruins this character" or "a thing we should hate about this character" or "a thing that makes this character a bad person" or anything like that. Flaws means "a thing that makes this character imperfect" and "a thing that the character needs to change in order to show growth and character development." We can all agree steve is flawed - he was a dick in high school. But he changed, stopped being a dick, and he acknowledges that he has been working on himself to become a better person when he tells nancy hes still in love with her. A redemption arc = a character overcoming their shortcomings and genuinely changing for the better.

Eddie is a coward. He hurts other people with his cowardice. Yes given the fact that he is wanted for murder its understandable that he would run, but it doesnt change the fact that his cowardice hurts orher people.

Chrissy was murdered in his trailer. He chose to run rather than call the cops - and had he called the cops, yes he would have likely been arrested, but then he wouldnt have been held responsible for freds death bc he likely would have been in custody when fred was murdered, and he probably wouldnt have been blamed for patricks death either since they wouldnt have been hunting him and therefore wouldnt have been around him when patrick was murdered. But instead, he ran, and left Wayne - who loved him more than anything and likely saved him from a horrible childhood and raised him as his own - to find Chrissy's horrifyingly tortured body.

Eddie ran, and therefore put The Party in danger of aiding/abetting "a criminal" and they could have been arrested for that. He indirectly caused their parents distress too.

Thats why eddie bravely playing to distract the bats, and then bravely charging headfirst ALONE into the swarm of bats is his redemption. Had he refused to play to distract the bats (like a coward) he probably would have prevented The Party from being able to kill Vecna. Had he ran from the bats and went into the real world to save himself (like a coward) the bats either would have gotten into the real world, or they would have doubled back and killed steve/robin/nancy.

So he played loudly to distract the bats and explicitly stated that he did it to avenge Chrissy as well as to protect steve/robin/nancy so they could kill Vecna - growth from how he left her to rot and for Wayne to find her, and growth from how he continually put The Party in danger by running. He cut the sheets in an attempt to protect dustin and tried to lure the bats away to protect steve/robin/nancy - same thing, growth from how he continually put The Party in danger by running. He stopped running and so he stopped hurting other people with his cowardice. Even though he knew it would be putting his life in danger.

And then he told dustin he loved him - growth from his assholery. Even (semi backhandedly lol) complimenting steve and (begrudgingly lol) acknowledging that steve is not the person Eddie thought steve was is growth too. Avenging chrissy was also a little bit of growth like this too, altho obviously not to the same degree bc he was open and vulnerable and kind to her almost from the get-go, but he was apologizing for not trying to help her w her problems and instead try to make money off her bc it was easier.

Chrissy didnt get a chance at a redemption arc, but the fact that it seems like everyones headcanon is that had she lived, she would have been able to open up and overcome her self loathing and self destruction. Shes not a bad person for being mentally ill and a victim of abuse. But character growth mandates that she would have addressed her problems and worked on herself bc refusal to address her problems rather than really truly ask for help - bc obviously she wasnt rly opening up to mrs kelly - and do the scary, difficult, emotionally draining work.

Idk. Character flaws are good. All the other characters on the show have flaws - its what makes them interesting and multidimensional and realistic. They arent bad people for being flawed. They arent villains for being flawed. And handwaving them away is doing them a disservice imo.

[actualbird]

I like your analysis(es?) so much hh, and apparently my brainworm of the day is the NXX crew getting a flowering cactus called Karla, for some reason. It’s a therapy cactus XD. No other thoughts. - Book

thank you, Book!!! and also wait no get back here and tell me more

KARLA!!! KARLA!!! oh i love her already but please understand that i have so many questions and all those questions have accompanying THOUGHTS oh gosh okay let me just hm wordbarf both those things very messily, you know how i do things

what kind of flowering cactus?

there are so many, afterall.

given that vyn is into botany and gardening, i assume he would have a lot of opinions on this.

actually, ive met a lot of botany hobbyists in my life, and the snobbier ones among them actually HATE cacti (and succulents). theyd say stuff like "oh cacti are the in thing with the millenials these days, theyre the plant people get when they dont know anything about plants."

WOULD VYN BE LIKE THAT, LMAO????? he seems like the type to at least THINK IT.

but also deep down i assume vyn is like "a plant is a plant is a plant" bc among the sweeter botany hobbyists ive met, theyve got this notion that "as long as you help it grow strong through the challenges, u did a good job" WHICH....MAKES ME THINK....VYN THINGS....vyn is not going to admit it, he will never admit it, but hm. what a strange plant. shaped to protect itself yet in need of care all the same.....

ANYWAY if anybody is getting a premeditated-bought cactus for the HXX HQ, you bet that vyn will, one way or another, have some kind of say in what the cactus will be. if it isnt premeditated-bought, he'll definitely have many things to say about the cactus' future care

or does the cactus just kind of appear there? is it brought into the NXX HQ in the dead of the night like jesus in the manger? if that's the case, who brought it?

i think it would be artem. or, well, i think it would be FUNNIEST/PATHETIC-EST if it was artem.

let's just say that a non-NXX and non-MC person decides eyyy, artem, got u a gift, it's a cactus! haha, get it! bc ur a prickly unapproachable dude! and artem is like ".........." BUT LIKE IT'S RUDE NOT TO ACCEPT A GIFT EVEN WITH THE BACKHANDED CRITICISM OF HIS GENERAL STATE OF BEING

so he takes the cactus and like leaves it at NXX HQ because if he brings it to his apartment hes going to get vaguely annoyed by the cactus and what it supposedly represents and he'd want to set it on fire

(sidenote: cacti do not burn well, by the way, ive set some on fire for cacti funerals and sigh, you have to put gasoline on them for a good burn)

anyway he brings the cactus there, leaves it vaguely hoping that the air conditioning will like, kill it (cacti live in the desert, right? so cold...bad?) and then somebody else will go "where the fuck did this dead cactus come from, can we throw it away" and then artem can throw it away (ALONG WITH THE REST OF HIS EMOTIONS. artem...GET HELP....)

but that doesnt happen because get fucked, artem wing

who names it Karla?

naming a plant most often comes from somebody who has gotten VERY ATTACHED TO THAT PLANT. i first thought hmmm maybe it's luke, but then i remembered that luke has this HILARIOUS tendency of making comments about eating MANY ORGANISMS HE COMES ACROSS (ssr shape of you, he threatens to cook and eat goose, chara story ep 1, hes very happy at eating the cooked crabs for their crab crimes, sr aquarium date forgot the name, hes like let's eat seafood SURROUNDED BY HAPPY ALIVE FISH, luke....what the fuck?) so maybe it's not luke and that leaves...

marius von hagen getting attached to a cactus and naming it is SO FUNNY TO ME but also makes me soft. hes the first one who sees the cactus in HQ and is like "who the fuck left this here?" //big data lab googling what it is. "well good thing it's fine with cold temps wouldve died if not, you cant just leave a thing in a place...with no warning....with no help...thats tough....huh, thats tough, isnt it, cactus?"

am i saying that marius von hagen gets attached to the cactus because it vaguely reminds him of his own life story of being pushed into very stressful circumstances and essentially left to fend for himself? yeah. yeah. because im deranged

"the cactus' name is karla," marius says at the next meeting, spraying the cactus with a mist bottle. "be nice to her or else im biting you."

who declares it a "therapy cactus"? aka who realizes that literally EVERYBODY else on the team is, one way or another, projecting themselves and/or their desires onto the PLANT???

luke. luke does. luke has the habit of dissociating and spiraling at any given moment when he encounters anything even ADJACENTLY related to what hes going through (again, sr aquarium date, luke u were just looking at the jellyfish, WHY R U GETTING DEPRESSED PHILOSOPHICAL OVER LIFESPANS???? SIR, GET HELP.....), so like lol he can clock that shit in from a mile away because hes the worst offender of that too

he doesnt bring it up of course. i mean, im sure he thinks about it because it's just the right kind of shithead move to pull just in case the others try to push him around again but mc gets mad at him when he goes agent scary at the rest of the boys so okaaayyyy he'll retaliate against getting dunked on in a more...civil way. so he doesnt bring it up. he also doesnt bring it up because...

well, if it makes them happy, then it makes him happy. thats all that matters to him

"keep making them all happy, yeah?" luke absentmindedly says to the cactus one day. "i heard you guys can live for a hundred years."

the cactus, of course, does not reply.

mc gets very into taking care of karla. pls expect many conversations where the boys are talking about the "cactus" (theyre talking about themselves) and mc is just like "okay im 90% sure this is a metaphor, you guys aint slick, but i like this cactus very much and thats true whether it's a metaphor or not."

all the boys: //PLEADING EMOJI WITH HEARTS

thanks for making me go insane over a cactus, Book. it's 8am here.

[roachemoji]

S2 02-03

Episode 2

LOVE A GOOD STRONG COLD OPEN

The way she navigates this space like she's been here a million times anddoesnt question it or look that afraid of disgusted by anything but is just afraid that .... her friends aren't actually with her???

dawning realization that OH im actually ALONE despite having said goodbye??? like she KNEW but she didnt KNOW and ughHHHGHGH

OH A GATE ??? im glad we get to see her actually leave the UD unlike SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!! im also glad she isnt stuck here for too long AND LEARNS SHE CAN OPEN THEM HERSELF!!!!!!!! unless she already knew that??? this doesnt feel like something she....didn't already understand she could do

also the VFX of like gross nasty flesh shit is REALLY cool

IMMEDIATELY GOING TO THE OLY HOUSE SHE KNEW !!!!! IS JUST AUGHHH i was abotu to say im surprised she didnt try to find Mike after this since Brenner died - FUCKING TED BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE ATTACK

ShEs VeRy DaNgErOuS shes a BABY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF BREAKING THROUGH THAT WALL AND COMING BACK FROM THE UD WASN'T A EUPHAMISM FOR BIRTH IDK WHAT IS SORRY

Also knowing there are more kids than just El from the lab im gonna assume she isn't that woman's daughter??? Ik that woman's sister said she miscarried but im sure that was a cover and her kid actually WAS experiemented on - I just don't think it's El???

HOPPER GETTING TO BE A DAD AGAIN MAKES MY HEART SO FUCKING FULL!!!!! AND EL JUST WANTS TO GO TRICK OR TREATINNGGGGGGGG

Call back to the other Lab kid with the halloween masks or something

JUST LET HER TRICK OR TREATTT even if you did it.... in the woods, with the cabin ??? or in a town they've never been to ???

HES TEACHING HER WORDS AND SPELLING THEM OUT IM CRYING

sucker for a guy adopting a little girl why couldnt that have been ME (<- is a man)

JOYCE ALSO HAVING PTSD FROM EVERYTHING IS JUST GIRL I LOVE YOU KISS KISS KISS

I love that Will being able to draw keeps coming back and him actually being really good at it too???

HIS LITTLE FUCKING COSTUME AND HIS BOWL CUT

DUSTIN'S SMILE IS SO FUCKING INFFECTIOUS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I LITERALLY FEEL CRAZY

LUCAS' LITTLE SISTERRRRR PLEASEEEE

oh the hAUNTING REALIZATION THAT NO ONE ELSE IS IN COSTUME !!!!!!!!!! I JUST AOUSDKAJSHDKJALHDKJH

The balance that this show has with the boys experiencing like actual real genuine trauma that affects them DEEPLY while also still experiencing the mortifying ordeal of being in elementary school ??? AND IT BEING PORTRAYED AS LIKE A KNOW SERIOUSLY UPSETTING TO THEM!!!! Theyre still KIDS and i love that they don't shy away from that with them

LUCAS AND DUSTIN HAVING THEIR LIL BOY CRUSHES ON MAX !!!! AND THEYRE SO RIGHT

idk anything about her but is she trans is she like. like are we clocking this am i the only one?? please i dont know her but in my heart first glance 🫵 egg

JOYCE AND HOPPER GETTING CLOSE BC OF WILL AND THE LAB IS JUST!!! oh i JUst noticed the bracelet i just I KNEW IT WAS COMING I DIDNT KNOW IT WOULD BE SO SOON

WERE THEY BESTIESSS are they gonna fall in love ??? Thats my mom and dad <3

Okay the technitian going in there confuses me because how is.... im assuming there was a time skip to him going outside instead of having to watch him navigate out of the lab's underground but aksdjhakjdsh still

From the time it took between the first dude going in to Joyce and Hopper going in.... ik it's been almost a year since they saved Will, and obviously we didnt see them exiting the lab after it all happened .... idk it feels like an INSANE jump in understanding and testing and safety protocols and shit have gone in to going into the UD with "minimal" gear (@ em does technilogical discrepencies play a part in the timeline stuff? because it feels like it does???)

I really like how they actually portray PTSD and trauma?? Dissociating??? Being Triggered??? how its not a one time thing and affects them continuously??? I hATE the whole pretend like nothing's wrong thing - not for the era this is set in obviously its just infuriating asdkjhaskh LOVE that its clear that it DOES NOT HELP iidk this show and mental health so far feel really good i like it

dUSTIN AND LUCASSS theyre trying so hard i love this for them sosososos mUCh like THEY FEEL LIKE !!! THEyre actual little boys flirting and IM CRYING IM JUST Dustin is so smart and hes so BLINDED BY BEING A LITTLE BOY IN LOVE ( <- DUSTIN'S BIGGEST FAN )

EL'S LITTLE FUCKING CURLLSSSSSSSS

AUTISTICALLY LEARNING HOW TO BE A FUCKING PERSON THROUGH TV SHOWS GIRL ME TOO!!!!!!!

SORRY TO THAT OLD MAN BUT EL IS SO RIGHT - AND THEN TO ALSO FEEL GUILT FROM IT IS SO IMPORTANT LIKE UNDERSTANDING HER NEED FOR SURVIVAL BUT HAVING SO MUCH REMORSE !!!!!!

This is a huge aside but the pumpkins remind me of a one shot story by the people who write Old God's of Appalachia (which you should listen to if you can its incredible) - ANYWAY the episode titled Bumper Crop !!!!!

IM ASSUMING THAT .... the crops dying have something to do with that thing they set up in the UD???

OKAY BILLY.

YEAH HE - oh i can feel him triggering some shit this season might be hard to get through but i am a TROOPER !!!!! with my own trauma GOD brothers suck so much what is his fucking DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!! not excited for that

GODDDD AND NOW THERES MOLDY ASS FOOD AND DYING SHIT THATS UGHHH AND MAGGOTS STOP STOP STOP STO SP EW i love. contamination i love it

BOB i love him so much his stupid vampire costume AND HIS FUCKED UP LIL TEETH AKSHDASKJH IM SORRY YOU DONT GET IT JOHNATHAN

Will's bowl cut makes me loose my mind girl its so SHARP!!!!!!!!!!!! ASDKSAKJHDKSJHD that shit is CRISP

Johnathan is also like. me <3

STEVE AND BILLY JUST LOOKING AT EACH OTHER IS SO FUCKING FUNNY why is Steve's h air so BIGGG girl how do you get it to look like that

BOB IS SO CUTE STOP STOP DO PEOPLE NOT LIKE HIM ??? HES DOING HIS BEST TO REASSURE AND SUPPORT HER AND !!!! LIKE HER SAYING ITS SILLY AND HIM PROMISING ITS NOT !!!!!!

like hE IS SO ??? Bob is THE SILLY !!!!

DUSTIN SUPPORTER <- also loves 3 musketeers

hOPPERRR IS GONNA BE LATE TO PICK UP EL FOR TRICK OR TREATING BABY GIRL IM SO SORRY hes not doing it on purpose he loves you so much he loves you theres just a FREAK in the corn fields

THAT LIL BABY COWBOYYYYYYY <333

YEAH SHITS RIGHT you PROMISED HER !!!

oh baby with the BEAR - i didnt pick up the rest of the morse code but im going to assume he's saying sorry

WAS HE JUST PUTTING ?? WAFFLES OUT THERE HOPING SHE WOULD FIND THEM LIKE HE HAD NO FUCKING IDEA ???

SAD LIL MIKE !!!! he misses El so much but like AKSJDH damn

OHHH OAHDAKJSHD KAHJOHHH i hate when hes thrown back into the UD like this i hate it tos much holy shit it AHHHGHAHDJK

Whats uh whats the uh the parallel between Will and El both yelling for Mike immediately after being thrown into the UD ??

NAD MIKE IMMEDIATELY WITHOUT HESITATION SUPPORTING WILL !!!!!!!!

Johnathan isnt even like a freak hes cleaned up so much he looks so good THE CAMERA FOCUSING ON BOTH NANCY *AND* STEVE

Steve Harrington has the biggest wettest brownest eyes he looks like a fucking baby cow what the acTUAl fuck does he know whats happening is he actually aware of anything I think he'd like to run errands and stick his head out a car window

OH IM ,,,, STEVEEE , I,,, KING I LOVE YOU BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT GETTING HER HOME ACTUALLY

im so glad Johnathan is there and i hope he helps

I could have sword i just saw a parallel about them sitting like this in a later season being compared to Nancy and Johnathan in some scene i havent seen yet

anyway MIKE MAKING WILL FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO BE HONEST ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES because Will doesnt make him feel Weird /neg ??? and ASKING WHAT WILL THINKS HIS EXPERIENCES ARE and this being like half thanks to El too ??

To all my House MD homies this feels like its a uh Wilson dating Amber and House being upset about it only to have an epiphany that Wilson is essentially dating the famale verson of him. Feels a lil like that

we can go craZY TOGETHERR !!!!!!!!!!

JOhnathan taking her hoMMEEEEEE still in my little boat of Polyam them i hope thats not niche because i wanna i AN wt to see fanart and I want to read fics and

HOPPER BEING SO !!! STRESSED AND FUCKED UP ABOUT UPSETTING HER AND BREAKING A PROMISE LIKE HE JUST APOLOGIZING AND ,,, GUILT TRIPPING HER TO COME EAT CANDY

Static makes me have auditory halucinations and for some reason Its really cool to see them use it for this purpose

IDKY I THOUGHT WHEN HE'D LOOK UP HE'D BE LOOKING AT WILL !!!!!

DUSTIN PLEASE KEEP BEING THE ONLY SURVIVOR IN A HORROR MOVIE OUGH okay at least it didnt attack him akhd

---

Episode 3

DUSTIN'S MOM AND HER LITTLE CAT COSTUME AND HER LITTLE CAT SHE LOVES HER SON SO MUCH SHES GOD

Dustin i love you so much buddy but YOU GOT A LITTLE FREAK!!!!!!! oh thats me i look like that nvm i get it good night sweet little weirdo

3 musketeers enjoyer !!!! THATS gonna grow up to KILL someone real Water Horse over here!!! ALSO KING YOUR TURTLE???? YURTLE IS JUST OUT THERE HES GONNA GET COLD?????

IM SO GLAD WE GET TO SEE HOW HIM AND EL GOT TO BE WHAT THEY ARE !! LIKE !!! what the fuck posessed him to like start putting waffles in a BOX in the woods like AKSDJHALKJDH Im sorry but what if it wasnt El who took it ????

El being.... I don't know what term to use i understand that nonverbal isn't uh... accurate? I haven't seen anyone offering up another term in it's place so if you know one please let me know - but El being less verbal? Is important to me

IM SORRY SHE EXPLODED YOUR BREAKFAST THOUGH

THE BOBMOBILE!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DUSTIN IS SO UGH. HE LOVES LEARNING !!! HES SO FUCKING FUNNY also him SWEARING i love him so much i cant even put it into words

MR BALDO!!!!!

I love bob i love him so much if he does something bad or it turns out hes terrible im going to commit homicide (on the duffer brothers) HE IS SO ? LIKE WITH WILL ??? WITH JOYCE??? HES THE SILLY AND I LOVE HIM

OO HASDKHAS @aemiron-main SORRY IM TAGGING YOU FOR THIS PART LUCAS EXPLAINING TO MAX THAT THE BODY THEY FOUND WAS SUPER DECOMPOSED THE ONE THAT IN SEASON ONE WAS A FAKE BODY OF WILLS AND IK YOU MENTIONED THAT THE NEWSPAPER BEHIND HOPPER'S HEAD SAID THAT HE WAS TAKEN BY THE LAB OR SOMETHING I CAN'T REMEMBER VERBATIM - IS HE LYING TO HER BECAUSE HE KNOWS THE FAKE BODY THING SOUNDS INSANE OR IS THAT TRUE IN THIS TL??? HE EVEN KEEPS GOING TO EXPLAIN YOU CAN ASK ANYONE BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT PEOPLE SAW THE BODY AND KNEW IT WAS "WILL" EXCEPT FOR JOYCE AND HOPPER - SO WHO DIED. WHO DIED IN THIS TL. WHO WAS THE KID

the PROJECTOR bringing me back

DUSTIN MY BELOVED HIS FUCKING SMILE EVERY TIME

I CALLED IT ABOUT THE FUCKING LAB ITS DEFENITELY BC THEY HAVE SHIT SET UP AROUND IT!!!!!!

Hopper's plan being this all along ??? to like. help her? to make her feel safe? give her a home? LIKE HES. hes such a DAD IM GONNA CRY - who told him about the waffles i remember Mike mentioning it but i don't remember him mentioning it to Hopper????

girlie at least CLOSE THE DOOR B EHIND YOU ????

BILLY I S A HIGH SCH OO LER I THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE 25 LMAOO OASHKJAHLDKJAHSD

STEVE'S FREAK ASS HAIR !!!!

Thats your other boyfriend it could be. it should be. you could all date you couLd all be happy together i think

STEVE I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED HARRINGTON

AT least this feels far more justified in why he'd upset with her this time around ?? instead of his freak ass friends being disgusting

DUSTIN IS SO SMART !!!!! HIS LEVEL OF RESEARCH!!!!! HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY

IM SORRY THAT DART IS A VOMIT SLUG

BOB APOLOGIZING FOR POSSIBLY OVERSTEPPING LIKE I JUST HES SO GOOD HES SO I SWEAR TO GOD IF HES BAD IM GONNA ACTUALLY LOSE MY MIND OR IF HE GETS HURT???

JOYCEEEEEEEEE !!!! MY MOM !!!!! LIKE BOB JUST. HES SO WORRIED HE CARES SO MUCH AND HE LOVES HOW STRONG JOYCE IS AND BALANCES HER OUT WITH HIS UNDERSTANDING OF WILL I

I need you to tell me right now if Bob is Bad and Evil i need to GRIEVE IMMEDIATELY

RE THE PARALLELL FROM EARLIER WITH MIKE N WILL

JOHNATHAN JUST TRYING TO SET THINGS RIGHT AND LYING ON STEVES BEHALF AND NANCY LIED ON STEVES BEHALF WITH THE PRESENT I JUST KNOW SHE DID LIKE YA KAHSDKH ALKDJHA LKFHAKSJHL

Maybe things cant go back to the way they were THANK YOU YOURE RIGHT THATS HOW YOU MOVE FORWARD !!!!

if this is a different TL does that mean Barb is alive is barb alive in this one does she come back !!!!

OKAY IK HOPPER IS PROBABLY LYING ABOUT EL'S MOM BEING DEAD BUT IDK MAYBE HES NOT MAYBE HE THINKS THAT THAT WOMAN WAS HER MOM AND IN THIS TL SHES DEAD ???? trying to keep track of so much conflicting infoRMATION BC OF TIMELINE SHIT IM ON MY TOES

EVERYTIME JOYCE INTERACTS WITH TECHNOLOGY IM CONVINCED ITS GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE OR SOMETHING

agAIN WITH WILL FEELING SAFE ENOUGH TO TELL MIKE ABOUT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE UD and asking him to relay everything to the other two just in case???

D'ART IS AUAKSDHAKJDH BEEFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dusTIN MY BOY IK YOU LOVE THE LITTLE FREAK BUT PLEASE is that a baby EggHeadMouthFreak i remember what its called i promise i defenitely do

the SUSPECSE of Nancy going to tell Barb's mom everything has me on edge i keep pausing

I JUST GOT CONSUMED WITH EL TRYING TO FIND MIC AND HOPPER AND THE PUMPKINS AND SKDFHJSKDJHF

MIKE fuCKING hating Max because Ougadhhkjs wOm a nnn but not the ONLY girl that he wants around him which god im not smart enough to deconstruct internalized homophobia and compulsary heterosexuality rn EVEN MORE WITH EL SHOWING UP AND DOING THAT TO MAX its beyond me how people ROOT for her and Mike when its.... so clear its little kids figuring themselves out and not like.... anything actually romantic. SERIOUS? yeah - huge thing learning about yourself like this but an actual Relationship????

WILL BABY BOY im so sorry yOU WENT THROUGH A DOOR AGAIN THE AUGH hates and portals and doors and shit - THE AKSDHAKJSDHAKSJD NOT THE FUCKING SMOKE MONSTER FROM LOST STOPPPP

the way D'art moves is s ofucking FUNNNYYYYYY

WILL REMEMBER WHAT BOB SAID PLEAS PLEASE PLEASE HES DOING HIS BEST HES JUST TRYING TO HELP AND WILL !!! JUST PLEASE TRYING TO STAND UP TO HI M AND OH -

Stranger Things S2 01

this is just me live blogging watching ST none of my thoughts are v coherent enjoy <3

STARTING OFF REAL INTERESTING BUT REAL TALK when you have like a cool haircut how do you expect not to be found if u do a crime???? LIKE I LOVE YOUR MOHAWK AND I GET IT U DONT WANT TO COVER IT BC OBVIOUSLY BUT!!!!

this is NOT the focus obviously its about the fact theres other kids from the lab BUT AKSHDAKSJDKH

DUSTINNNN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM SO GLAD WE'RE STARTING ON HIM KISS KISS KISS

not the reagan sign STOP STOP ITS BEEN 2 SECONDS I HATE TED THATS HIS NAME RIGHT FIGHT KILL DESTROY BITE BITE BITE BITE

also the boys have grown SO MUCH !!!!!!! i forget there was actual real time between when these were filmed KSJHD im so excited to see Will and his perpetual bowl cut

JOYCE MY MOM!!!!!!!!!! SHES SO PRETTY AND SO CONCERNED I JUST LOVE HER

THE CHIP EATING DUDE FUCKING !!!! REMINDS ME OF THAT FUCKER FROM MONSTER HOUSE???????

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE REMINDS ME OF THIS ASKJDHASKJHDKAJSH

Will is so tiny ..... and little? oh hes being teleported into the fucking upside down again baby boy im so fucking sorry also ilu but why would you just walk outside away from wher eyour friends WERE to look at the horrifying shit world you were trapped and almost died in ????? aSDKJH

Im gonna have to DM you on discord or something so i can properly save all the things you have to say about the timelines and how the Russian shit plays into that because was anyone calling El (im assuming he's referring to her) is Russian??? IK this is possibly the third (?) timeline we've seen (genuinely let me know if i can do that its ok if not i forget tumblr has Dms)

ALSO WHO IS THIS GUY IM CRYING HES!!! WHAT A PI??? WHO ARE YOU

NANCY AND STEVE ALSO BESTIES IM CRYING STEVE IS hes trying so hard are they dating my brain is so full of queer shit that im so deadset on platonic hetero relationships - i paused for one second and unpaused and they kissed SO THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION

idk what relationships to pay more attention to bc the dynamic between Mike and El interests me the most because of how compulsory everything feels and how El is going to navigate a completetly new environment and how Mike will cope with that? (im assuming its not well)

OH is this the !!! the guy that i see people talk about all the time YEAHHH THE BLOND MULLET MAN AND MAX what the fuck is his name Billy??? He looks trans

CRYING AT CHECKING OUT H IS ASS GIRL WAHT ASS HES FLAT HE HAS NOTH ING AKDSHASKHDKAJSH and those jeans are supposed to be supporting cheeks

I love Mr Clark so much and everyone who looks bored in his class just doesnt GET IT

BUT ALSO MAX I GET IT QUEEN the boys all staring are so good I FORGET THEY GO AS THE GHOST BUSTERS FOR HALLOWEEN

JOYCE MY MOM WHO IS THIS GUY HES??? GOOFY AND SHES SO HAPPY ??? BOB !!! i have no initial bad opinions of him bc hes silly and goofy and he makes Joyce so happy and she deserves to be SO SOSOS OS HAPPY and nothing but happy

IF i have to endure another god damn Hopper flash back im gonna throw up and scream and cry and lose my mind and I won't recover and I'll never come back

Im in call while I watch this episode because i really wanted to get through while and actually use my brain bc i don't that often - but my roommates bird is sitting next to her mic and farting really really softly into it and its making me lose my fucking mind

CORN MAZES WHEN YOURE TALL LOOK SO EASY AND LESS SCARY WHENEVER IM IN A FUCKING CORN MAZE ITS TERRIFYING AND I CANT SEE SHIT BC IM LIKE 2 FEET TALL

NANCCYCYY AND JOHNANATHANANSDNSAKDJ BESTIES BESTIES BESTIES BEST FRIENDS IM MAKING THEM A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET ITS THEIR FAVORITE COLOURS AND THEY NEVER TAKE THEM OFF

ADN STEVE TOO!!! IM SORRY YOURE A THIRD WHEEL BUT its the start of season 2 how do we feel about polyam relationships between them where the audience for that point me in the correct direction

DUSTIN IS RIGHT ALSO I LOVE HIM i love his little hats - MAX IS ALSO RIGHT

God i feel so ba for Will like to be??? singled out like that especially in elementary school? hell.

WHERE ARE THEY GOING TOGETHER WHAT IS HAPPENING ISNT THIS THE LAB ??? ougHHH THAt needle sound was unecessary

REALLY starting to see how this might be a different timelinei have no idea how ???? Joyce would.... trust them??? UNLESS THIS IS A HOSPITAL no its not ho films ina fucking hospital like this

also theyre mentioning the upside down

I understand needing to go back to the only place that fully understands that it exists and you need a place to talk to someone and also monitor him physically without being dismissed as insane - but i dont understand how Joyce OR Hopper would trust the Lab again after everything happened??????

I'm glad that he's actually getting help, and im glad that Joyce and Hopper are there to make him feel safe and support him given everything but !!!!!

this iS THE. He has PTSD. when did they get the word to describe that akjhaskjdh NVM HE JUST SAID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO IS PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL HELPFUL BC IT SURE THE FUCK IS N OT FOR ME ????????? also who is this DR hes kinder but "i need you to trust me" to JOYCE AFTER THE BRENNER SHIT ???

also them NOT MENTIONING IT WHEN THEY LEAVE BUT JOYCE UPSET ABOUT THE WHOLE "i need you to trust me" THING B UT NOT BRINIGN UP BRENNER?????? susususususus timeline shit anyway EM @ me tell me wahts up kiss kiss mwuah mwuah

OH they've upped their guinea pig game on entering the upside down and the gatelooks fucking uglier and uglier LOVE THE TORCH glad it works but no wonder the gate looks angry???

DUSTINNN I LOVE H IM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

ough i have a feeling her older brother is gonna ..... trigger me a lil but we'll get through it

THEM BOTH HAVING A CRUSH ON HER!!!!!

If YouR fRiEnD jUmPs OfF a ClIfF 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

THEYRE GOING OVER TO HAVE DINNER WITH BARBS FAMILY STOP STOP STO PST OPST OPST IM GONNA CRY Oh they hired a P.I okay yeah the bald guy he..... HIS CARD STOPPPPP

realizing they defenitely can't tell her parent's what actually happened to her an di hate that im gonna oaufkahd girl im so sorry im so sorry im so osrry UPSET BC SHE AS A CHARACTER DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE I WISH THEY HADN'T DONE HER DIRTY LIKE THAT

all the photos of her would make me so ill to look at like god NANCYYY THE GUILT AND B LAME GIRLIEEEE

also Mike rebelling after experiencing that kind of trauma and losing Will and El even though Will came back he's not the same of corse he's struggling - calling it with the !!!! WALKIE TALKIEEEE girl i miss her too

YEAHHH ITS dustiNNNN BUT HE AKSHDKAJSH

DUSTINNN IM KAHSDKJH I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO SILLY !!!!!!!!!!!!! HES THE SILLY IN MY HEART

HONESTLY props to him again for not like invesigating something that was probably gonna be HORRIBLE he'd survive a horror movie

JOYCEEEEE IN MY FAV SHIRT SHES SO KISS KISS KISS KISS

Johnathan is such a good brother bro BUT ALSO WILL IS SO RIGHT I GET IT I GET IT I UNDERSTAND TREATING IT LIKE ITS NORMAL MAKES IT WORSE !!!! SOMETHING HAPPENED PLEASE ACKNOWLEGE THAT and JOHANATHANNN HES THE FREAK AND A WEIRDO

STOPA SDADKSHJ iT S THAT WHY YOU DONT HAVE ANY FRINEDS SHUT UP STOP STOP /POS

BOB i love you so far and ik that being a step parent in these situation (even tho hes only dating Joyce its the same) is so hard especially when there are kids involved BUT YOURE DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB

AND THEYRE ALL WATCHING THE MOVIE TOGETHER AHHH

ew the phone the trigger GIRL YOU GOT THIS ITS OKAY ITS OKAY BUT ALSO THATS SUCH A HORRENDOUS RINGTONE WHAT THE FUCK

love me a tech who accidentally ignores the alarms going off (i couldnt hear the song playing it feels important - unintentially placing importance on all the music in this show now thank u em)

OohuaAHDAKJH OH WILL IS GONNA get ,,,,, yoinked back again isn't he ouguhadhAKHDJS interesting that it really only affects the *outside* like doors are now portals in a way ? i cant remember if it affected the inside of the arcade immediately or not

OH MIST LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wood Waffle Hours !!!!!!!!!! OH NO CABIN HOURS??? IS SHE. IS SHE. BIG EYE BALL EMOJIS LET ME SEE MY GIRL LET ME SEE THE BABY GIRL !!!! this entire scene makes it seem like shes a fucking AKSJDHA freak ass creature

HER HAIRRRRR SHES SO CUTE STOPPPP HOPPERS LITTLE SMILE IM TEARING UP AND CRYING ACTUALLY LOOK AT THEM LOOK AT THEM LOOKA T THEM OUGHHAHAHHHHHHHH IM HEAVING

thank u for reading these were my thoughts

[the-acid-pear]

I did my homework and i did my chores, time to tackle on the third book of this series, Son of Ogre

Chapter 1

Okay but the fuck is Baki planning to do if he stops fighting? That's literally all he has, he's not smart

WOOH THATS A BIT REALISTIC

PREHISTORIC ELEPHANT?!

King just went to have a snack. Also FUCK does that meat look tasty FUCKKK

This baby so cute 🥺

I'm so glad Yuji is doing stupid hilarious shit again it had been a while

Congrats on Baki for that mantis

Chapter 2

Who tf is this kid?

Poor kid lmao, i assume he will meet Baki

Look at my boyyy

HSTSRFAYDF DON'T CALL HIM A MANLET

Imagine Baki actually kills this kid HSJDYSSHCBT

Third comment with a ton of likes is "we do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious"

Chapter 3

AH SHUT UPPP KIDDO

But i like Baki memeing a round a lil

Chapter 4

🥺🥺 that's so sweet...

HELLOOOO STRYDUM MY GOD YOUR TITS GOT FATTER SIR 😳😳

Yujiro is such a fucking threat to society lmao

I love seeing Baki with his eyes open, he's looking more like his old self

Oh, shadow boxing incoming, alright

Chapter 5

Yuri? 🥺 /j

THE RETURN OF IRON MICHAEL?!

Chapter 6

I love how there's our silly little mains after every cover LUV em <33

Baki just dissociating his ass out and using it on his favor, the king

Why is Baki eating sour prunes aren't those meant to be sweet?

We all salivating

Chapter 7

Love to see there are even more swears there now

I can put my face next to my foot too tho

FAGDRJSEHARD YUJIRO CAN BEAT THE CANCER HOW ICONIC 😍

Also i would LOVE to see Yuji fight an Orca

WHAT?!

I love how everyone in the comments is calling out Rumina for not seeing issue going down to a dark hidden basement with a shirtless man older than him

Chapter 8

"piggy back me" USHSYFLFUDSY

This fight is going to be good

Chapter 9

Imagine Baki dies right here right know against an imaginary mantis lmao

Okay Baki getting damaged makes sense but the WALL?

Baki's dead (GOD IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SAID THAT)

Ffs it's true Baki COULD create himself a stand 😰

Chapter 10

OH FUCK IT'S TRUE

Chapter 11

This fight is so boring i had to take a 6 hour break

Baki just can't win against nature eh

This reminds me of Garland pulling a suplex on that Anaconda

Chapter 12

I can't wait for the main cast to ACTUALLY appear, instead of just, you know, them in the covers

This fight is slow but cool but slow

To fight a mantis you must think like a mantis 😎

Though it's true in this manga you will most likely win if you steal your opponent techniques so

Chapter 13

I MISS IGARI FUCKKK

This is so dumb i luv it

That mantis be swearing lmao

Love it when Baki goes full Yujiro

Chapter 14

TOBA...

Holy fuck do mantis fly?

Secret Chapter?

Is this how Yujiro got born?

Idk girl i would have killed him if i was you

WHAT.

I KNOW THOSE FROGS THEY ARE FROM PUERTO RICO I THINK

I might just be sleepy but this is so confusing

AKSHSKGSKSGSJSG JUST KILL THE BABY IT AINT THAT HARD

Chapter 15

GAIA...

Why is he like this?

Is "he" with us right now?

...gotta admit that IS true...

I love Strydum sksgwhwg

Yujiro really went XD

I don't think my man Arun in the comments is aware how gay what he said is, though maybe I'm wrong

Chapter 16

GOD THESE FUCKING COVERS MAKING ME SO NOSTALGIC, LOOK AT SPEC!

ANIME KENNEDY?!

I can't believe Bush is dead

AN ASIAN BOY HAS JUST KIDNAPPED THE PRESIDENT...

8 of January? My god he's a Capricorn

I'm sorry, what?

LAHQIGWKQFWKSFWIWG 😭😭

I love Baki so much, THIS IS THE KID THAT I MISSED SO MUCH

This explains why Baki was in prison clothes in the anime teaser

Chapter 17

BIG NUMBER

That one mf like 😐

Glad Baki is 18 now at least 😌

Love to see Oliva back

Chapter 18

This page not even bothering to charge the pages anymore

I'm sure there were better ways to go to jail, well, actually, no, but still

Toba used to just chew that off

Baki did that mantis hit you in the head too hard?

I. I watched way too many prison movies and shows. I don't like seeing someone as young and pretty as Baki in such a place. I rlly don't.

Chapter 19

Yanagi baby i miss you...

IRON MICHAEL?!

Mfkhsjsys 😳🥴

Eh got my hopes too high

CHE BAKI PIBE... LA PUTA MADRE NI ACA ME ESCAPO DE MIS COMPATRIOTAS

I hope he swears too i want to see a boludo o pelotudo PLEASE

I mean para pelotudos lo veo a Yujiro todo el tiempo pero igual JSGWKEGWG me pone bien argento ver al Che carajo

Chapter 20

HE SAID BOLUDO SUAHWKWGAKSGSKSGSKGD

I can't take this omfg new fav I'm sorry Doppo but he just said boludo 😭

Pendejo is more used as pibe here but i will let it pass bc idk the lingo in Cuba and he spent some time there so

Why don't i speak like this too ffs? All i do is say eh and call it a day

He's cocky enough to call anybody any age pibe so I'll let that pass too

Por favor no lo hagas che sksgwj

Chapter 21

Che, pibe, it's a good day to die...

Chapter 22

GSHAGSTSG he should have said "no boludo"

I'm falling in love with this boludo myself

That's talented and brutal

OH RIGHT YOU LOSE YOUR BALANCE WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THAT

Chapter 23

Hm that's, cringe

YESSS HE SAID PELOTUDO

OAHWLGWKQFSKSGSJS SIII ROMPELO TODO CHE, ROMPELO TODO POR DECIRTE YANKEE KSGSSJGS

Honestly i too get pissed off when called American or European, though i won't throw shit to Baki, he's some random 18 yo japanese boy, no way he would recognize latinoamerican lingo lmao

King shit Baki boy

Chapter 24

Oh that's why he's called Jun Guevara, that's fair

I like how they are mixing a bit of truth and a bit of lie it's fun at least

Chapter 25

I like how they are drawing nipples now, occasionally

I can't wait for Viêt to complain about propaganda in the comments

OH SHIT

😳 :Y

He's sooo nice 😍

Chapter 26

Only three? You mean the third is... 👁️👁️

HAHA YEAH YUJI-CHAN <3

I can't believe he works for the USA I'm crying and shaking rn

What a progressive manga, the three strongest and most dangerous men and none of them are white 😍

GET HIS ASS BAKI

Chapter 27

Why is this guy sweating sm?

LDYDYSUGFUDT BAKI PLS

I like how the only time Baki was willing to kill a person was when he thought Sikorsky had hurt his girl

Chapter 28

I feel like Ian will die

Man i love how Baki is drawn in this book

Ffs i called it, i have watched way too many prison things to know how shit goes down

I have seen these three before in fanart but I'm curious to see what they can do

Chapter 29

Their faces remind me of Doyle

OH I CANT WAIT TO SEE EM IN THE ANIME

ASSHOLE DON'T CALL ME STUPID 😢💔

I'm gonna struggle to tell em apart but i think I'll manage

Okay I'm not the only one who thinks they look like Doyle, fair

Chapter 30

The mouth vs Yujiro when?

Someone mentioned the have the same vibe as the dudes that worked with Gaia and like 👁️👁️

Chapter 31

Lmao someone in the comments recommended the same thing

These three must be great at sex (sorry)

KSHALDHDKD NEW FAV COMMENT: "go to Japan and look for the word "defeat". That way you won't feel cocky anymore"

Chapter 32

Hehe hello Junnn~

KSHAKDHKWGS

La luna

Chapter 33

LOS TRES...

Okay that's funny, hocico instead of mouth (hocico is used for animal mouths)

I'm so glad i know Spanish

The two things that drive me insane and make me ramble are Doppo's beauty and this stupid argentinian

OSHSKWGSKSG

Chapter 34

Imagine he's doing that illusion thing Dorian did

With his own blood, that's so cool...

Hoho...!

I did that once when i had a terrible nose bleed, didn't go well

Chapter 35

This book is fucking boring NGL

"now that you got no more urine left in you"

AH.

GAHDYR LMAO

Chapter 36

HO THAT TITLE, PLEEEASE I NEED SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO HAPPEN

HHH he kinda cute...

Oww :(

JDJSJFRGAJ

God piantao is an old word i had never heard it before

AND he took a piss.

LOCO NO SEAS HOMOFÓBICO NINGUNA MINA ACA ES MEJOR QUE ESTE PIBITO TE LO ASEGURO SKSGSKGSJAAGS

Se me cayó un ídolo y yo que le quería dar 😔

ÑSHWQLSGOSGDKW

Let's see if he lied to Baki about just liking eh /j

Chapter 37

I luv Oliva lol

AJSGSKSLAGHS BAKI SNAPPED

I too wonder where the fuck Kozue is

Chapter 38

LSHSLDGSLSGSIEG

He is jealous of what you two have, it's normal, el Che just rejected his love after all ;/

Oliva is a king

OH A HANKERCHIEF I THOUGHT THAT WAS UNDERWEAR SHSGS-

Oh shit Oliva is like 45?! He looked so young

Te fuiste a la mierda, Che, el chabón estaba siendo re bueno con vos

Baki is just dead

Chapter 39

I love how realistic Che's fear is, he's rather smart, though not this time

POOR GUY AJSGSWJW

I didn't realize Che said "what more, it may be a woman!" but to be fair they ARE in jail so

Chapter 40

I'm feeling kinda bad for him ngl

I feel happy for him tho 🥺

Bruh they added one page after the ending of some naked anime girl tf 😐

Chapter 41

These prisoners having fun is kinda sweet

YO INSANE

Bitches be complaining about Maria's looks are just jealous 🥰

Chapter 42

Damn she lorge

He loves fighting naked eh

Only valid person is the one saying Oliva deserves better treatment which tbh true

Chapter 43

Fun fact i wear my jacket like El Che too, unless it's too cold

El che with the hair lose is so cute bro,,,

Something something fingering joke

Sikorski could fold a coin too

I bet the bandana will break

Chapter 44

I would have just fallen on top of him, how is he gonna counter that, eh?

Oh that super fun to know!

Oh the good ol dirty technique, i have seen this one before!

Chapter 45

NOOO MARIA DON'T DO THIS TO HIM

This fight is super cool tho i love these two characters

Chapter 46

They just keep changing the rules i think Itagaki is just flexing at this point

LAAOSFKAGSKAGSKAF???

Baki wants his protagonism back

I'm getting pissed off they keep putting semi naked underaged girls at the end of every chapter 😐

Chapter 47

Bruh just realized, the mouth got so hyped as this new cool villain and they died in their first appearance 😭

His damn bandana...

[chronicallyblogged]

I got this and a husky plushy yesterday for myself so I'm pretty excited.

Yesterday in whole was kinda poor. Bf screwed up date plans which is frustrating bc I can't ever rely on him to just plan a date without messing up something crucial. I really would like to just relax. Then at one point he just grabbed my chair and pushed me bc he was upset and felt guilty. I explained to him I view that as assault and if he does it again I will defend myself . So he tried to intimidate me by glaring me down which didn't work. He snapped out of whatever ptsd zone he was in and realized what he was doing so he walked off for a minute to calm down. But it made me sad. I thought we were past this. Not that I'm horribly worried. He flat out told me about an injury that would kill him and weak points hes developed some of which ive accidentally hit before and sent him to the ground bc a life of fighting wears on ya. It's at the point that I'm pretty confident I can take care of things if he gets worse or flashbacks. But I'd rather not. We ended up just going shopping and grabbing lunch. He cried about what happened later. I didn't care which I dont know if that's nice but it's honest. He's gonna call his psychiatrist this week when she's back in office to up the anxiety med he just started bc if he's still flipping to dissociative like aggression when anxious then it's not working well enough. In general hes still too tight wound. It's been better though. This is the only incident with me in 2 months and incidents with others has gone down drastically especially if he doesn't perceive me in danger. Today I'm waiting on my new futon we got so we can start spending weeks at my house as opposed to all his. Hopefully more calm today

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi, me again. I have more fun facts.

Did you know that if you eat two hundred finely crushed apple seeds it will kill you. This is due to apple seeds containing amygdalin which is a cyanogenic glycoside composed of cyanide and sugar, that when metabolized degrades into hydrogen cyanide. A lethal dose of which will kill you within minutes.

Did you know that when people are crucified they usually die from asphyxiation because the way their bodies are hung makes it almost impossible to breathe unless they physically hold themselves up instead of just hanging there, and after some many hours it gets to be to much, resulting in oxygen deprivation, unconsciousness, and death.

Did you know that according to some research, a human head may remain conscious for up to 30 seconds after decapitation.

Did you know that a good portion of spiders shed their exoskeletons occasionally, so when you happen to come across a "dead" spider, there's a good chance that it's just an empty husk and there is another, slightly bigger spider nearby.

Did you know that there are several species of mushroom-like fungus that implant their spores into insects, creating a kind of zombie, that will lose its mind, wander off, die, and then it’s corpse will be used as fuel for the next generation of fungus.

Did you know that dogs love squeaky toys because the sound mimics small animal's cries of agony after being bitten.

Also on a more lighthearted note after those slightly disturbing facts, when I first got my cats they would claw at the carpet outside a closed door when they wanted to get in a room and the ended up destroying a lot of carpets that way so I trained them to scratch the door instead which is a much better alternative. Plus it’s like they are knocking on the door which I find really cute. Also my female cat had a favourite toy when she was a kitten, it was a small gray mouse filled with catnip called Mr De-Mouse and she would growl at anyone who got close to her when she had Mr De-Mouse in case they would try to take him away from her. She would sometimes play fetch with him bringing him to me to throw and then bringing him back once I threw him, it was adorable.

Also I hope you are doing okay, I’m sending you lots of virtual love. Have a nice day and remember to stay hydrated.

I did know the apple thing bc my friend used to think that fact was hilarious to the point he emailed it to our teachers kgkf i am also well versed in tje fungus fact bc me and my friend saw a video of an ant becoming a zombie and got convinced that the same fungus could evolve into making bigger animals and eventually human zoombies as well. So for several years we were sire the zombie apocalypse would happen just like in the last of us. I started going to the gym bc i was so sure i would have to protect my loved ones from zombies. The gym!!! Insane!! Fun times.

That crufication fact is so cool. I dont know how but i want to use it someday. Whether it be in real life or in writing. I didnt know how long the head could stay alive but Atrocity guide on youtube recently made a cool ass video aboit human head decaptitation. OH ANd another cool youtuber as well. I love both of their videos. Lemme see if i can find them

https://youtu.be/IZ2YEESTQUI

I cant link the other video but its the latest by Jacob Geller. Neither of the videos have gore dw

I didnt know the dog fact thats kinda sad but it also makes sense. Lil doggos) :

Ur cat sounds so cute 🥺🥺🥺 im just imaginign hearing lil cat knocks omg. Mr De-mouse is a great name btw. Oogoggh having cats sounds so good. Ive never had pets. Thanks mdude 💙🐳 i hope u have a good day too

Dont worry dude. When i say dissociation is slowing my response time down i mean that i got triggered into a catatonic dissociation state today. And when i dissociate i can go in and out of beibg grounded and dissociated for many Many hours. So i am literally physically struggling to move in any way including writing ofc. So having fun facts to think about while laying still is helping tons instead of thiniing of bad things. Grounding myself enough to write a few sentences doesnt hurt me, it just takes a while. At most the dissociation is giving me a headache

[mithliya]

rape/traumatized lesbian anon here. yeah i think my most recent encounter with a man is more clearly assault or rape (the "i thought you wanted it" guy) because that's the one i vaguely remember asking to stop, he told me he couldn't stop and i got a pregnancy and hiv scare as a result (took plan b, got tested for hiv and other dangerous stds, turns out everything's fine and i wasnt pregnant either). but the first guy i was with was more of a manipulative lying sadist, he knew i was in a vulnerable situation and used that to take advantage of me :( i actually realized i was truly penis repulsed through that interaction, i was really grossed out and would dissociate all the way through like being on autopilot and mentally somewhere else. we had several encounters and eventually even being on autopilot was difficult so i started giving excuses as to avoid the most repulsive acts. he showed a lot of red flags like revealing to me he had previously assaulted girls and using me to cheat on his girlfriend and telling me "he was afraid I'd accuse him of rape" because i have psychosis. but then again i was in a very bad living situation and went along with his advances because i had no one to give me emotional support. he introduced me to kink like cutting/knifeplay and watersports and he choked me until i couldnt breathe and he wanted to recreate my csa (like replicating the scenario i was in when i was molested). i dont really know if i could call this one rape because i didnt say no and there were various encounters which i initiated sometimes, so i just consider it to have been sexual abuse.

i cant comment on the other situations but it sounds like this guy is very abusive and taking advantage of you, knowing you're vulnerable due to having mental illnesses and facing CSA & i assume also rape. many abusers do that and will guilt & manipulate u throughout so that u feel like it was on u somehow. some of my story is also similar to yours and honestly w people like that u just gotta cut them out bc theyll keep manipulating and taking advantage of u until they no longer want to for whatever reason.

[mikumeeko]

i dont really have any followers but i wanted to talk about my experience as a system with osdd-1(whether a or b is blurry bc we dont have the support to get diagnosed currently but we are working on it).

TW: talk of dissociation and minor talk of SH

most of our alters are very non-distinct from each other. most identify with the body and our chosen name, so knowing who is fronting can be very difficult. is it the mikey who exists to do school work or is it the mikey who has the super intense sensory needs? the personalities of these alters are also very similar with only a few changes between them. because of the similarities between these alters we often only recognize a switch because of the dissociation that happens during our average switches.

but there are a few alters who are distinct. these alters are our main protector and our main persecutor. it is normally easy to tell if one of these two are fronting because of the change in behavior and overall personality. dave(protector+trauma holder) is decently social. he will often seek out our friends if he thinks we need help and enjoys playing games and chatting with them. our persecutor( who i will call T because i am not sure if he wants his name to be online) is the opposite. if he is fronting he is actively avoiding any and all conversations. he has a lot of gender dysphoria and he hates people perceiving him when he is fronting. he is also non-human, which means he has other issues with the body as well. T is an alter who existed before he took on the name T and the memories of his source(he is a fictive). he used to identify with our chosen name, but he has never identified with the body in anyway. he uses his hatred of the body as a way to justify s3lf h4rm. he committed acts of SH before and after he took on the identity of T, and the memories of those times belong to him.

you might be wondering, how are you so aware of the memories of your alters? thats where the osdd 1b comes in. there is no amnesia between alters and switches. all of our memories exist as a 'collective consciousness'(i saw another system describe it that way and i agree). when an alter switches in the memories of the last alter that was out are very blurry and dont always make sense, but if they reach out the the collective memory bank they can easily access them. accessing the memories of other alters is weird. because i remember what they were thinking and what they were doing but im remembering it from someone else's point of view.

before we realized that we were a system this was super confusing. "why do i remember hating that food? its my favorite!" or "i dont know why i did those things, i dont relate to the thought process i had before doing that at all". even though we are more aware of what memories belongs to who now, memories can still get confusing between all the alters that identify as mikey.

im done with my explanations for now. we might come back and talk more about our experience later. im sure dave will want to explain his role in the system at some point. if we can convince T to do it he might, he has been a lot calmer since he split into himself. the others probably wont, since they dont really view their experiences as separate enough from each other to warrant explaining their purpose online.

-Mikey(host)

[lunar-fey]

been trying to nap for almost 2 hours but i gues im just not done . so much below cut. mostly incoherent and unspaced.

for one thing im just like. i dont know how to word this but like if your hr....... you should do. that. literally got told i wasnt approved to keep working after i move bc i didnr work all my hours last month but its like ya i have medical problems thwre on file and i EVEN used to get days off w fmla for it and like. few months ago i requested to have my hours lowered so i could miss less work and they were like. no bc you need to start working what you have first like...im asking for a solution to the problem of i cant work this many hours and in order to let me be allowed to work less. first i habe to "prove" i can work more. like that makes sense

and its lime my supervisor has been teying to figure out who exactly handles rhe approval all MONTH and its this new hr lady ive never met before and since his supervisor refused to tell him that its like. you know probably no one bothered to even inform her a little bit abt my entire situation and its just.. why as an hr person would you make that decision without speaking to me first? it is so easy? so easy to fire someone after 6 years who has a clean no violations record and is just very sick? and parently no one even knows if im "fired" or "quit" anyway so idek if i can apply for unemployment i gotta look into it ig

and its like my mom im so pissed at bc i guess she was talking her dr and telling him ant this other dr i saw once who wouldnt do testing just said my pain fake go home. and her dr got pissed on my behalf so cool but literally we wouldnt be here right now if she had taken my health seriously as a child instead fo trying to cure me w home remedies of pouring peroxide steaight into my ear and leaving it for 5 minutes and stuff. ya the sizzling sound means its killing the infection yeah SURE and im gonna be so psychotic whilw im there too bc im like barely. coherent rn but the first time someone screams at me im either gonna deck them or dissociate (bad timeline) or they may even push me into an episode. and its going to be sooo funny bc rhey thonk hallucinating all the time and sometimes be in g delisional is just normal. everyone hears their name being called from a dismbodied voice multiple times a day yanno normal :)

and theres like more but im getting less and less coherent. im just tired.

edition with more coherency: in short i been like on the Verge of breaking down for the last couple months with my only hope being if i could keep my job i could move back out after just a couple months and now i may very well be stuck living with my parents at least until sister graduates high school bc skerples doesnt wanna move in w me while she still has to deal w our parents. which is 2 more years unless she emancipates herself (well she is already getting a job anyway but i can barely support myself let alone a minor is the point and my parents like. own a house and i dont so something tells me the courts wont wanna give me custody of her)

but like im fine. im fine i can take it one day at a time and im FINE im just. tired and angry and. stuff.