#bc my GOD tumblr refused to format

[allsaiint]

↠ john price/reader

↠ word count: 1800

↠  masterlist | next chapter

↠ description: late nights and fireworks don’t mix as well as late night and price does.

↠ warnings: implied lead up to smut?

↠ author’s notes: funny that price is the first character i post for. figured it would’ve been ghost or soap but whatever. i kind of wrote this with them as mercenaries in mind? i have a whole thought process behind it but it doesn’t matter much. i may actually write a second chapter if i can get the hell out of my own way.

It was cold out. It was freezing outside, with snow piled up three feet deep and obscuring the gravel and dirt driveway to the main road. It was a pitch black, moonless 2am, but there you were, leaning against the column with half a cup of lukewarm tea in your hands. Given it was New Years, the fireworks were expected, but it did little to help you sleep through them. The memories of artillery fire and smoke were the pleasant parts of your dreams compared to some others, and you had had too much experience with your own nightmares to attempt any more sleeping tonight. What you would give to be Soap or Gaz or Rodolfo, who were able to sleep through anything. What you would give to be Alejandro with a family to go home to for comfort.

Another round of fireworks went off, and you were torn between watching them with fondness and ducking. 

Amidst the popping and sizzling, the door opened behind you. You smelled him before you saw him, recognized Price by the smell of cigarillos and aftershave and thick smoke permeating the ice thin air.

“Cap,” you murmured without turning, letting your head rest on the column. 

Your name was a soft reply from the doorway. He was the only one to use your real name with any regularity. Soap was all about the pet names, and the rest used your call sign almost exclusively. The cup in your hands was replaced with another that was full and still steaming. The ceramic warmed your stiff fingers while a jacket was draped over your shoulders. Then he said, “Can’t sleep?”

The answer was obvious, and though it was posed as a question, it was more of a statement. Price was anything but presumptuous and always gave you an in or an out when it came to anything personal. If you wanted to say yes, he would be glad to listen. If you wanted to say no, he would let you lie.

“I keep thinking about our first mission, the test to see if I could join the 141. The fireworks always remind me of it, how I honestly thought I’d killed you by blowing that barrel up,” you said instead of answering.

Price was quiet for a moment save for his breath a little heavy in the crisp silence. Then, you heard the snow that was piled up on the porch crunch beneath his feet. A hand landed on your hip, another on the railing, and suddenly you were warm as he said, “I never doubted it when you said it was the only option. It was you that spotted the ambush, realized the comms were down. I doubt we’d be here if you’d hesitated.”

“You were in the hospital for six weeks,” you said, tipping your head back. Instead of his shoulder, you bumped his chin. 

His head turned down and his nose brushed your cheek. His breath was warm on your skin when he said, “Better than the alternative. Should’ve realized something was fucked when they tried to court martial you for it.”

You laughed, and the cold air made your lungs burn. “You know it was unrelated. I still worry they were right, sometimes. It was dangerous. Stupid.”

It was something you had held onto for a long time. It rarely bothered you anymore, but it was too close to the anniversary, and you had had too little sleep in the last few days. 

Price, in his quasi-omniscient way, seemed to understand what you were unable to say. The hand on your hips slipped further, his arm latching around your stomach to hold you still so he could press closer. You lamented the thick jacket separating you from really feeling him. His arm was bare but he was still so warm through the thin t-shirt you wore; you knew he would be better than a jacket. 

“Everything we do is dangerous,” he said, and your eyes closed at the feel of his lips, then his beard, on your temple. “You’re anything but stupid. You wouldn’t be here if you were.”

His hand, resting on your other hip now tightened when yours covered it. He stilled further when you canted your head, and the brush of your lips along his bearded jaw hung in limbo— a silent, obviously subtle question left in his hands. If he chose to ignore it, you knew you could leave it to hang in the past and move forward into the new year. Your life had always afforded you that ability. Compartmentalize and never dwell when there were more important things to move towards. Only in the dead of night when life suspended between the real and dreams did you consider anything other than your next step and how to leave your pasts behind.

You found, as he sighed against your lips, that even if you were unable to move forward from it, you wanted to linger in the moment for as long as he would allow. Peace was less rare since breaking off from your official duties. You chalked it up to your ability to choose. There was no danger now of some faceless stranger missing a crucial detail, sending you into an ambush, or betraying them. You had yourselves and each other to rely on and, if you were unable to rely on one another, there was no one.

“You sure, love?” Price asked, the words a subtle rumble in his chest. “No going back from this.”

As if you wanted to. Strings of relationships that were doomed to fail before they could truly begin had followed you for as long as you could remember. Most were unable to deal with the time spent too long away or how much you loved your job. Those that could see past it often grew jealous of the time you spent alone with a team full of men; those were the ones you cut loose the fastest. Anyone else that made it past those two hurdles inevitably folded in the face of the weight you always brought back with you after a deployment. Nightmares were the worst. Distance was often a close second, with your partners often unable to understand why you refused to burden them with what you had seen and experienced. You never wanted to relive it yourself, let alone force someone you loved to.

Was it any wonder, then, why you would gravitate towards someone who could understand? There was no need to hide the worst of yourself from Price when he had already seen it. Your nightmares were shared, the distance understood for what it was, like the things you were still unable and unwilling to talk about. The expectations were none because you knew what it meant to have them crushed.

So, with more surety than you had ever felt with anyone else, you said, “Yes.”

“Good,” Price said, a whisper before he slotted his mouth against yours. Your shirt caught and pulled up before you realized his hand had moved. By the time you did, it had cupped your cheek, and his fingers had threaded into your hair. This had always lingered between you, starting the night he rescued you even if neither had been willing to acknowledge it. Blurred lines being what they were, you would be a liability in the field. It was easier to ignore in yourself if he ignored it too.

The kiss was shorter than you would have liked, but Price’s thumb dragged across your lower lip, the skin chapped from too long in the cold. Even though it was obvious enough, he still said, “Should get inside, get you warmed up before you lose your fingers.”

“That an offer, Cap?” you teased, following his gesture towards the door. 

His answering laughter rumbled, splitting the crisp air. “Suppose it could be, if you want.” Just inside the door, he caught you up, pressed you back against the chipped wood. “And it’s John, love. You know that.”

Ever courteous, he was. It made you smile, small but not insincere. You were distracted by the way his mouth moved when he said the word love, the way it ticked up at the corner beneath his trimmed beard. You wondered if it hid dimples, scars, beauty marks. He had freckles splattered across his face from too many years spent in sandy, sunny places. They remained, even after joining the task force and shipping off to countries cold and rainy and snowy. You thought he belonged in a speakeasy somewhere, tucked into a shadowed corner with a glass of bourbon and a cigar. 

You could hear the rich, slow jazz that would accompany his smoky baritone as he asked, “What’s a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?”

You would let him, and only him, get away with such a question.

“Right,” you said when you had dragged yourself from that particular image. Glancing up into his eyes, you could see the blue was glittering, knowing, amused. “Is that an offer, John?”

His lips twitched again, and a palm pressed flat to the wood beside your head. The thick sweater he wore stretched taut then rose to expose a sliver of toned stomach, a hint of happy trail disappearing into the band of his sweats when he braced his other arm over your head.

“You want it to be?”

You had to drag your eyes up to his again, and it was a task to meet them without your face warming. You reached up to curl your fingers into his sweater, pulling yourself closer before they slipped down to that peek of skin. The jacket fell to the floor forgotten as the fingers of one hand dipped beneath the band of his pants while the other cupped over the sizeable bulge resting against his leg.

“Oh, pet,” he breathed, so low it was almost unintelligible, “you’re asking for trouble.”

Your fingers were wrapped around him as much as you could given the barrier, and you squeezed tighter before dragging the pressure down the impressive length. You had to stand on the tips of your toes to reach his jaw as he let loose a low, shaky groan. Lips against his beard, you agreed in a whisper, “I’m trying to be. Please?”

Another groan erupted, too loud this time in the otherwise silence of the house. You both froze for just a moment before bursting into quiet laughter. The house remained silent, and your fingers were starting to tingle with the warmth returning to them.

“C’mon, then,” Price said, pulling you away from the door and up against his chest. “Sounds like I’ve kept you waiting long enough, love.”

They left the jacket forgotten on the floor.

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

pentiment review & thoughts

so. i played pentiment. writing this while at my 4th play (with my first and third as same stats, different accusations). bookworm, hedonist, bookworm again, and now businessman. having a lot of fun so far.

was prompted bc 1) this game is a common rec for disco elysium players, 2) i got andreas maler in a blorbo uquiz, so of course i had to see what the fuss was about

spoilers, obviously:

prefacing first that. uh, i got into this game with relatively surface-level understanding of the late middle ages/early renaissance, and like very little of how this impacted germany. god bless the glossary. the only thing really guiding me was being catholic + my familiarity with benedictines (the people who ran the all-girls catholic school i studied in) so uh

given that, my 1st andreas had his wanderjahre in Italy, is a bookworm with skills towards Oratory and Logic, possessing a Master's in Theology. this will be about the first play

act i

what an introduction. i played off my andreas as an intellectual with a love for God but also a concern for people regardless of class, and i just went around being as respectful as possible. emphasis on "as possible," bc i can refuse to be a Lutheran and still criticize the abbey actually <- pissed off both gernot and rothvogel

the DRUCKERS! my best friends :)

spent much of my dinners with the farmer-peasants. had a meal with sebhat as well. tassing is so alive!!!

the implication that andreas fell asleep if you choose to watch matthieu and rüdeger go at it is very funny to me. monk sex is boring ig. also sorry zdena, im too worried about piero to fuck you right now

why did i think the baron was just an intellectual outcast. of course he's an asshole who abuses his power

THE KIDS! THEY ARE SO LOVELY!

none of these suspects feel like the murderers. tbh i probably should've settled on lucky bc he had the most damning evidence in retrospect. but ferenc just had more, and i was able to push him to the archdeacon

i am a coward and did not look at the execution

act ii

this Andreas just came from France!

"you are banned from the abbey, but i need you to come join me for dinner" okay father gernot???

the golden hand inn looks sooo pretty. surprised i could only make conversation with samuel until the troops were like, really close/the drinking quest

things got worse, a revolt is in formation. this was apparently a trend all over germany at the time, and not limited to tassing. weirdly familiar huh

when you want to escape from your problems via involving yourself from the problems others instead

caspar my boy! im glad to have known you

the Sommerfelds are so lovely

these aqueducts are so cool

it was so much easier to pick Guy, as far as the evidence i got on him is concerned. your embezzlement had an effect on the abbey's management of tassing, which is now biting all of you in the ass

i knew Lenhardt was an ass but i didnt think he'd go as far as to protect the accused

that ending holy shit

act iii

haha i opened tumblr before getting here and got spoiled about the mysterious guy following magdalene

my magdalene bg is Vitae Sanctorum, Bookkeeping, Haggle, & Volksbücher

Ötz you are adorable but you do not suit Magda at all

it does not help that the town ships the two

every single theme is coming together. the question... of history!

the letter writing being so prominent here is very felt

the familiar and unfamiliar are so clouded as time progresses, its insane

apparently ill peter can live *that* long

i learned the hard way after my first run that werner will be an outright asshole in act iii if andreas doesnt speak with him well via my second run; see, my major and only interaction with the guy in run 1 is during the drinks quest in act ii. the difference is stark

martha pfieffer i wish i got more time with you <- got her contemplating the monastic life in the 1st run only? i wonder what triggers this

fucked up that i couldnt send sister susanne out. i think i played my magda too nice with the nuns

snitched on the twins immediately whoops. this is fine, i can go down the mines myself

haha i thought baltas was an act iii-only character, i straight up didnt interact with him during act ii and probably forgot he spoke during the discovery of otto's body

the readying for christmas was sooo brain-sctatchy. seeing the direct effects of our choices in the previous acts, it's so!!!

gotta be real, i thought the discussions on historiography and historical revisionism were like, just there? i didn't think it would be the core of the problem but. of course it is. it makes me feel very stupid for not pointing at father thomas sooner

like, if you spend significant amounts of time with the guy enough, his distrust of collective lay men and assertion towards the authority of the church is like, very very obvious. you see it during the dinner with the baron. when he says the words that triggers peter into burning the abbey. when you talk about claus publishing the 12 articles and agreeing upon the suggestion of banning book reading. the story of how he and sister amalie escaped the fire from their old abbey. in my 3rd run, i got strong hints when i (andreas) decided to eat with the albans (fr. thomas is present in the meal), particularly when discussing the strictness of the abbot

also, notably, in my 3rd run, during the conversation with father thomas for the christian tassing quest, a Vitae Sanctorum Magdalene can ask about the veracity of the story regarding the marian apparition, our lady of the labyrinth. when father thomas asks why she's pondering on it, if Magda is also of Volksbücher bg, she can bring up comparisons to a story she read about a man who tricked a town into believing a head he possessed was a relic from a saint. Father Thomas will then outright ask whether Magdalene thinks that it is valid of the guy to lie about that. Whatever you make Magda respond, he clearly values it. that fucked me up upon discovery, especially since i chose not to question the story of the church in my first run. that's outright foreshadowing, especially since that conversation literally takes place inside said church

anyways, i considered for a moment as to how conscious Sister Amalie was about the notes she wrote. to my fury (against thomas) and relief (for her), she was very unaware. fucking hell, i love christian mystics, and i outright ignored the implications of father thomas as her interpreter

like, i knew such interpreters would twist the testimonies of mystics to assert the church's authority, but. i assumed that this, like the obvious real-time historical revisionism in-game, was just shit that happens. not the core. another blow to my observation skills, but what matters to me is that i figured it out eventually

i had an inkling claus would die but not like that D":

like. magda on christmas eve. dad's friend is back from the dead. the town priest has been responsible for the deaths of people who risked the secrets of the town. dad is dead. idk if the devs over there are interested in spin-offs, but the time between christmas 1543 and when magda leaves for prague should be known

the müller kids really take after their parents, and seeing them interact with old man maler really warmed my heart

ugh, what a lovely game. it deserves its praises

[twodimecastle]

fifty bucks & six months.

spencer reid x gender neutral reader new relationship, secret keeping nonsense, 4.5k words, ao3 a/n; turns out i love writing texting fic but tumblr destroys the formatting rip

zero months.

You smile conspiratorially, extending a pinkie towards Spencer and he gives you a skeptical look.

“You know the odds of being found out immediately are-” he starts, but you cut him off.

“Astronomical, I know. I know. But don’t you think it’ll be fun to see how long we can push it?” you wheedle, not caring that your voice sounds more like begging than is strictly dignified because seeing the way Spencer’s nose crinkles in amusement at your heavy handed persuasion is too adorable to pass up. You scoot closer on the couch, tapping the end of his nose with your pinkie finger, letting him catch your hand between his as you continue “I think we’ve got a good shot at hiding it for a little while. It would be like a game.”

Spencer draws your captive hand to his lips, brushing them across your knuckles and watching fondly as you forge ahead in your campaign to persuade him, enjoying the show and the attention too much to tell you he’s already on board. Your eyes are shining with the prospect of the caper, and you’ve made no move to take your hand back from him, and Spencer’s pretty sure he’d be more than happy to sit with you in this moment forever. “I mean-” you go on, gesturing animatedly with your free hand, “you’re like-a really good liar when you want to be. And everyone else always forgets how good you are at it.”

He snorts at that and the sound makes you light up, eyes tracking the arch of his brows, the warmth in his soft brown eyes, memorising the way he looks like this; utterly unbothered, completely at ease. It might be your favourite version of him, but that race has always been a tight one with no clear winner in sight. You have lots of favourite versions of Spencer. Twisting your hand in his, you tangle your fingers together, savouring the way you feel his thumb glide delicately along your skin and the unhidden joy in his face at the simple show of affection.

Time to play your trump card.

“$50 says we can hide it from the whole group for at least six months. If everyone figures it out before then, you win. But if not everyone has worked it out by then, I win.”

The mischievous shine in your eyes is irresistible, and Spencer smiles, disentangling one of his hands from yours to extend his own pinky finger.

“You’re on.”

The words barely make it out of his mouth before you’re colliding with him, pressing your lips to his.

two months.

“So, how long has this whole thing been going on?” Derek’s question catches Spencer off guard, and, based on the way he can see you freeze in his peripheral vision, takes you by surprise as well. Sliding into the driver's seat of the SUV, Derek continues “I hope you didn’t think you were gonna be able to keep me in the dark for long, pretty boy. You should know better than that.”

Following mechanically after him, Spencer takes the passenger seat, trying to frame his next statement as carefully as possible as he hears your door close and the car start. “We were-going to tell you guys-” he begins uncomfortably, glancing back to you for support, but you look just as on edge as he feels. “We were just gonna-keep it to ourselves for a while-before telling Hotch and everything-” he tries again, the mounting tension levering his shoulders higher and higher with every passing moment, but then Derek just laughs, shaking his head.

“Hey, I’m happy for you, kid. For both of you.” He spares a look at you in the back seat through the rear view mirror, and you can feel the tension in your jaw relax, the furrows in your brow straightening out at the note of approval in Derek’s voice. “I’m glad you two finally figured it out,” he says, fondly, and you laugh.

“I bet Spence we could keep it from you guys at least six months,” you explain, reaching forwards through the centre console to link your pinky with Spencer’s, and the touch of your hand releases the last of the tension he had been harbouring as he covers your hand with the other one of his own. He knows Derek clocks the motion, filing it away in his mind somewhere, but he doesn’t care about the scrutiny so much right now. Not when your hand is so warm and comfortable in his.

Derek reaches for the dial on the radio and flicks through the channel, thinking about something, and as you watch, a slow mischievous smirk spreads across his face a moment later before he glances first at Spencer and then at you.

“I’ll tell you what,” he says to you, and Spencer can feel a familiar grin tugging at his own lips as he watches a plan take shape in his friend’s eyes. “I’m happy to sit on this information for a while for a cut of the winnings from whichever one of you comes out on top.” He snorts good naturedly as he continues “I have my own bet to win with Prentiss, so if you two help me win that one, I’ll cut you in too.”

“A quid pro quo of sorts,” Spencer says slowly, and he feels your fingers tighten around his, as you snort softly, and he knows instinctually you’re grinning the same way you always do when you’re winning a game. “I think we can do that.”

Derek grins, turning the music up as he nods, eyes on the road. “Then you two love birds have got yourselves a deal.”

two months and two weeks.

PG: youre not as slick as you think you are ;)

YN: ???

PG: ;))))))))) you should invest in some concealer for your work bag sweetness or tell the good doctor to pay more attention to whats visible in your work clothes

YN: oh my fucking god wait how do you even know thats how that happened

PG: im all knowing and all seeing im like the omnipotent goddess of the fbi

YN: derek blabbed

PG: he sang like a canary but also im an omnipotent goddess im also totally clued in on the whole bet situation with em so for the low low price of every single juicy detail about how this adorableness went down you can buy my silence :)

YN: im getting derek decaf coffee on all coffee runs from now on >:( traitors dont get caffeine

PG: darling sweet angel i need deets all of them like immediately

YN: >:( fine ok so. after that case down in georgia a few months ago? the weird one? with the creepy mother son thing?

PG: omg yuck pls dont remind me im here for the CUTENESS not the MURDER

YN: sorryyyyyyy anyway so spence was like being super weird about it all on the plane and whatever but he was doing that super annoying thing where he ignores it and says hes fine so everyone leaves him alone

PG: YEAH why does everyone here do that ALL THE TIME its SO annoyingggg

YN: ikr its insufferable and like super not subtle ANYWAY. spence was being weird and whatever and i just. refused to let him sulk on his own or whatever like i could tell there was something bothering him and so after work i insisted that we were gonna get like shitty diner food or whatever and watch a movie and he knows better than to say no to me

PG: smart boy

YN: so we got fries and milkshakes and then went back to his place to watch a movie and he was still like weird and silent and like brooding yknow? but whatever just figured hed talk about it when he was ready so i put on a movie and offered to make popcorn and then he was just staring at me and he looked so SAD and TIRED and i thought id done something wrong like the poor guy looked like he was gonna cry and i was panicking over fucking popcorn and then he says ‘why are you always so nice to me?’

PG: oh my god hes like if a sad victorian orphan was actually a triplicate phd holder

YN: i was SO thrown off i was like spencer. spencer were best friends. ive been forcing you to hang out with me for years now why do you THINK im being nice to you its bc i care about you asshole and then. like after another million years after letting me sweat it out over whether hes about to cry for like fucking years the asshole grabs my hand and says. i shit you not. ‘you know im in love with you, right?’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YN: anyway hes my boyfriend now :’) dont tell anyone tho gotta win the bet

four months.

Lingering by the elevator, you glance around at the uncharacteristically silent office building, waiting for Spencer to leave the bullpen. The sound of his footfalls drawing nearer makes you smile and you mentally applaud yourself for suggesting the two of you remained behind after disembarking from the plane, taking advantage of the manufactured privacy to take the same car home, back to his apartment.

When he sees you waiting for him, he can’t help the soft fond smile that tugs at his face, as he reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers into yours with a gentle squeeze, the quiet of the building allowing him to indulge in the show of affection. You return the squeeze, leaning your head on his shoulder with a yawn and as he presses a fond kiss to your temple he’s rewarded by a sleepy hum of approval from you that sends a rush of quiet joy shooting through him.

“At least we won’t be sleeping in hotel beds again tonight,” you say, voice weary, and Spencer nods as he shuffles you into the elevator. The doors slide shut and the elevator starts to move and in the moment of absolute privacy, you steal a kiss, tilting your chin up to catch his lips with yours, revelling in the soft huff of surprise he lets out, even as he smiles against your mouth. Even after months, the simple act of kissing Spencer still feels new and thrilling somehow, like you can’t quite believe it’s something you’re allowed to do.

His nose brushes yours and he breathes “unless something big comes up, we get a sleep in tomorrow too,” and the way you beam at him sends his heart racing in his chest, unable to look away from the fondness shining in your eyes.

As the two of you exit the elevator and make your way through the Bureau car park, you tuck yourself against his side, wedging yourself under his arm with a happy sigh, eager to get yourself horizontal and asleep as fast as possible. Spencer brushes his lips against your temple again as the two of you close in on his car, almost free and clear of the office when a voice behind the two of you brings you up short.

“Reid?”

Spencer is reacting before his mind catches up, turning on his heel towards the sound of Hotch’s voice echoing through the parking lot, conscious of the incriminating way you’re still tucked against his side, even as his brain is rifling frantically through any possible excuses for the current circumstances.

“Hotch-” you step away from Spencer, cheeks flaming, not wanting to chance a look at him. “I-we-thought everyone else had gone home,” you trail off lamely, trying your hardest not to balk under Hotch’s ominously impassive scrutiny. A second passes, then another, and the short silence feels like months, or years even as the three of you stand locked in a stalemate.

“I take it the two of you would prefer to keep this under wraps?” He asks, finally, and it registers with Spencer, somewhat belatedly, that Hotch’s tone isn’t admonishing. It isn’t enough to dissipate the tension coiling in Spencer’s muscles just yet, but he spares a glance at you as he nods, and a moment later, Hotch gives the two of you a curt nod of his own. “I’ll tell you what,” he says, a shade of irony colouring his voice. “If you two fill out the paperwork for in-team relationships for me, I’ll keep it to myself. I understand privacy is hard to come by in our office.”

The words take a while to fully sink in, and you’re conscious that you’re standing there blinking and gaping at your boss like a bemused fish for a good few seconds before you’ve composed yourself enough to say “absolutely, sir. Of course. Thank you.”

Hotch nods again, heading towards his own car, and as he passes the two of you, a brief smile flashes across his face.

“Congratulations, you two. Get some sleep.”

four months and three weeks.

Spencer isn’t sure how late it is, but he knows you’re not asleep yet, the faint glow of your phone screen casting faint distorted shadows across his room as your free hand rests lightly on his chest. In the dark blue twilight of his room, the space feels undefined and dream like somehow, the line between his mind and his surroundings blurry or indistinct somehow, and as you huff out a near silent laugh at something on the screen in your hand, a thought rises to the surface of his thoughts like flotsam on an unwanted tide.

The more clinical part of his mind notes the autonomic response in his body, the way his heart lurches unpleasantly in his chest, heart rate rising with an influx of cortisol through his nervous system, automatically rifling through ways to control the anxiety response. Age old instinct surges forwards, starting to push his spiralling anxiety down out of sight so as not to bother you with it, but then your hand shifts infinitesimally on his chest, fingers curling in the soft fabric of his pyjama shirt, and for once his body is miles ahead of his brilliant mind, your name is leaving his lips before he’s really aware of it happening.

Your gaze flashes up from your phone at the sound of his voice, soft and hesitant, and you let the screen go dark as you set it down. You can feel Spencer’s heart hammering against his ribs under your palm, and your brows knit together in concern as you shift closer to his side, tracing gentle circles over his shirt with your fingertips, the repetitive motion intended to soothe, though you’re not sure if it’s for his benefit or yours.

“Yeah, baby?” You ask softly, working hard to keep the rising worry from your voice. After three years of friendship and almost six months of dating, you know him well enough to sense when his propensity for overthinking and catastrophizing is slipping out of his control. You can feel his chest rise as he inhales sharply, whatever he’s about to say cut off by second guessing, doing nothing to pacify your concern. “Spence? Is everything okay?” You ask again.

“This-bet-hiding our relationship-it’s-” he trails off, throat tight as he rolls onto his side, facing away from you, and smushing his face into the pillow, already wishing he hadn’t said anything. You’re the kindest person he’s ever met, but offering up this kind of raw insecurity feels like pulling teeth. Even if it’s you. Especially if it’s you. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to find out if you care about him enough to stay when his racing mind gets the better of him. The pillow muffles his voice as he says “never mind.”

You feel your own heart rate tic up in response to that, matching the wild beat of Spencer’s that you could feel under your palm only a second ago. “Baby, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

He shakes his head, face still hidden in the pillow. “It’s stupid.”

He can feel the rush of your breath on his back as you sigh, and your voice is almost achingly patient as you say softly “it’s not stupid if it matters to you.” There’s a long pause, and you press yourself against his back, settling close and letting your hand slide over his side to rest on his chest, the heat of his skin sinking into yours even through his thin shirt. In spite of his height, he feels so small as you wrap yourself around him, drawing closer, trying to reassure him without yet knowing what he needs to be reassured of. “Spence?”

“Are you ashamed of-being with me? Is that why you want to hide it?” The words are almost whispered, the sound almost lost against his pillow and your heart sinks, plummeting faster and further than if you’d dropped it off the side of a skyscraper. You should’ve known he might worry about that, should have realised it might have felt that way. Remorse rises hot and bitter in your throat and you swallow it down, trying to steady your voice.

“Spencer. Sweetheart. No. Never. I could never be ashamed. I love you. I’m so sorry.” Your arms wrap more tightly around him and you bury your face against the crook of his neck, the tension you can feel in every inch of his body making you feel more cruel and short-sighted than you already do. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise it might feel like that. I could never be ashamed of being with you, Spence. You’re my favourite person.” He takes the kind of shaky, shallow breath that comes with trying not to cry and your heart breaks a little more as one of his hands slowly moves to cover yours where it rests against his chest, just over his heart.

As his hand rests over yours, his thumb strokes lightly along your knuckles, and he knows you know him well enough to notice the way his hand trembles, just a little, because then your hand is shifting against his, turning to clumsily tangle your fingers with his, holding tighter to him as he tries to collect himself, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath as his eyes squeeze shut. He can hear the contrition in your voice as you say softly “I’ve never really liked having people know everything about what’s going on in my life. And I love our friends but-something like this, that’s so-special? So new? I wanted to be able to keep it to just us for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice comes out a little shaky, scarcely more than a whisper, and it’s more than you can take as you pull back and gently force him to roll over to face you. He’s not crying, but his eyes are glassy and you recognise the fight to keep the tears unshed in the tight set of his jaw and the hard line of his lips. Leaning on your elbow, you lift your free hand to gently smooth out the furrows of his brow, letting your fingers linger along the planes of his face.

“Why are you sorry,” you ask gently. “You don’t need to be sorry, baby. Not for talking to me about things that bother you. We can tell everyone else tomorrow, if you want? We can call off the bet. Derek will live. If he’s got a problem with it I’ll turn all his shirts into crop tops.”

He can tell the joke is a last bid attempt to make him smile, to ease his fear, and it works. In spite of the anxious weight in his chest that feels like it’s pressing him into the mattress, Spencer laughs weakly, meeting your eyes, and he watches as a relieved smile breaks across your face, releasing your lower lip from where you’d trapped it worriedly between your teeth. The unmitigated affection that floods into your eyes renders him momentarily breathless as he takes in the moment. You’re still here, still trying to take care of him. Just as kind and steadfast as ever.

“No,” he says eventually, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you down on top of him like a living weighted blanket, letting your warmth chase the bulk of the tension from his body and luxuriating in the way you curl into him, one hand sliding into his hair. “We shouldn’t call off the bet. We still have to take Emily’s money, remember?”

Your sleepy laugh is the last thing he hears before his eyes close and the feel of your body wound around his lulls him to sleep.

five months.

SR: Can I talk to you about something?

DM: you dying or something? that’s a really fuckin ominous text to recieve out of the blue

SR: I’m not dying, why would that be what you assumed? I just have a question.

DM: just a figure of speech but what’s up?

SR: It’s about your bet with Emily. What’re the terms for it?

DM: wym?

SR: What exactly did you two make the bet about? What needs to happen in order for you to win the bet?

DM: does this count as collusion?

SR: Technically yes, but calling it collusion implies a certain degree of illegality.

DM: whatever anyway the terms i made with em were that you’d make some kind of move before your birthday but she reckoned you were gonna need some kind of near death experience to do anything about your crush why?

SR: I’m just making sure I have all the information.

DM: what’s going on pretty boy? you planning something?

SR: Maybe.

DM: not a helpful answer reid is everything good?

SR: Everything’s fine. We’re just figuring some stuff out. Nothing to worry about.

DM: is there something you’re not telling me?

SR: Don’t worry about it.

five months, three weeks and six days.

In the chaos that was the scramble from the briefing room to the jet, you haven’t yet had the chance to speak to Spencer about the outcome of his most recent thesis defence panel. By the time you’ve got a moment to breathe, the jet is underway, coasting across the country towards Montana, the whole team settled in for the six hour flight. You corner him in the tiny kitchen area of the jet as he’s making a mug of mediocre coffee, fingers tapping out an absent minded rhythm on the countertop as the coffee machine whirs, clearly not paying attention to anything outside of his head.

“Hey, boy genius.” He jumps, whirling around, eyes wide with surprise, and you smile fondly. “So?” You demand, and Spencer raises an eyebrow in confusion. You snort, rolling your eyes as you elaborate. “Your defence panel. Did it go okay?”

You’re shifting your weight and fidgeting restlessly with the belt loops on your pants and as he studies you for a moment, it occurs to Spencer that you’re nervous for him over this outcome. The thought brings an almost giddy smile to his face.

“You know this isn’t my first thesis defence panel, right?” He says mildly, deliberately burying the lede, enjoying the way you scowl in irritation too much to answer your question right away, too enamoured with this display of concern on his behalf.

“Don’t be difficult, Doctor Reid. It’s still a big deal.” He just shrugs noncommittally, and you huff, swatting his arm lightly. “So did it go well?” You ask again, eyes narrowing as you try to dissect his microexpressions, trying to discern the answer he seems determined to keep from you for yourself. A few seconds later, he relents.

“I can now add degree number six to my wall.” He confirms. Getting degrees doesn’t hold the same rush of pride for him now, the accomplishment feeling somewhat less exceptional as he acquires more of them, but the way your face lights up with pride for him reminds him how special the things he’s capable of can be. You’ve always made him feel like more than the sum of his parts somehow, like something infinitely more precious than he always assumed he is.

“I fucking knew it. That’s amazing, Spence,” you say, chest warm and full with pride and love, and his almost shy smile in return is enough to make a decision for you in a split second. Your hand dips into your back pocket, drawing something out, and you carefully hide it from view in your palm as Spencer tracks the motion curiously with his eyes.

Your eyes are shining with affection and something that looks like mischief and the way you’re smiling at him is more than enough to divert his attention as you step closer, just barely noticing as you slip something into his hand. You’re dangerously, distractingly close now, and he’s conscious, if somewhat distantly, that neither of you is concealed from the rest of the team, scant meters away in the seating area of the jet. But you’re smiling and close enough for him to feel your breath on his face and suddenly your lips are on his, and even after nearly seven months of being able to touch you like this, it’s enough to make him forget everything else as he melts into the contact, savouring the warmth of your skin and the faint smell of your shampoo.

You pull back a second later, the kiss over almost as soon as it started, but it’s enough to attract attention, and you can hear a belated ‘oh SHIT’ from Emily in the main cabin of the jet. In your peripheral vision, you can see money changing hands, your friends scrambling to react, but you don’t look at them, choosing to enjoy the bemused, affectionate look on Spencer’s face as his brain catches up to the events unfolding around the two of you.

“I was tired of keeping it a secret,” you say fondly, loud enough only for him to hear. “You win.”

Blinking in confusion, he finally tears his gaze away from yours, fingers uncurling to reveal the fifty dollar bill you had pressed into his palm right before you kissed him. The penny drops and he snorts with laughter, shaking his head in half hearted indignation as his other arm loops around you, pulling you in, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, hiding your face from the rest of the team as he kisses your temple, revelling in the way you wind yourself around him in response.

“I was gonna do this in like two days. I wanted you to win,” he murmurs against your hairline, and he can feel your faint laughter.

“Too bad, baby. I’m used to getting my way,” you say, pulling back to steal another quick kiss before peeling yourself out of his arms with a wink, turning to face the onslaught of ‘care to fucking explain that’ and ‘I fucking told you so’ from the rest of your friends, tugging him with you by your joined hands.

[taylortruther]

honestly, now that I think about it, my opinions weren’t even that edgy like I just disliked x album (usually fearless or 1989) and talked about it a lot (not even a fraction or negative exponent of what I see on tumblr these days though). also hated the lover era and felt the need to tell everyone, which was weird but whatever. the thing is, although everyone on Twitter is actually mean about Taylor to some degree, they’ll also go scorched-earth on other people who are mean about something else about Taylor. Someone had to write an apple notes apology for saying red was her best album bc thy ended up getting death threats? That was years after I dropped beinf active though. I remember I once mocked swifties for sending death threats by quote tweeting someone with ‘swifties send death threats now 🥰,’ and although I thought the emoji made it clear that I was being sarcastic, some people didn’t think so and got SO MAD AT ME for ruining the fandom’s image (which is something you’ll actually see pretty frequently lol: twitter swifties will sometimes refrain from commenting on some aspect of Taylor’s image because they know she’ll ‘get dragged’ if other fandoms find out, which is what someone explicitly told me when the grammy credits were changed). I clarified that I was actually joking like a hundred times in the replies, but someone threatened to send my tweet to a mass reporting gc? It was insane lol. I got kicked out of gcs for something as inane as listening to lover when it leaked and got so scared to admit it on main lmao (I was fourteen and obviously an angsty overdramatic bitch but I really would’ve been dragged through the mud). It was also insanely dramatic; someone faked a suicide lol. I disagree with a lot of my takes from that period, but my primary takeaway is that Twitter swifties remind me of sect members sometimes (not all of them obviously and yes I’m exaggerating but also not really).

oh my god this was wild from start to finish. this is one of the reasons i stay away from twitter - i don't think the medium is great for writing paragraphs (WHICH I LOVE), and it feels like the shorter format creates shorter fuses because the platform itself moves faster and becomes more reactionary as a result.

seriously though, this is crazy. MASS REPORTING GC. REFUSING TO DISCUSS GRAMMYGATE OR SHE'LL GET DRAGGED! DEATH THREATS! HAVING TO NOTES APP APOLOGIZE FOR LIKING RED?? omg it's like the wild wild west over there.

that said, some tumblr fans would probably have more fun on twitter and vice versa it sounds like jfadskl

[formulatrash]

What are your thoughts on fanfic writing in the f1 fandom? I am pretty sure I saw you tweet about it at some point something small but I was too scared to interact with you on it over at twitter :D

So, this is a hotter topic than I’d really like it to be on my Tumblr and it’s my own fault but. Here we go.

RPF has some questionable ethics and some even more questionable origins. I’m ancient enough that it just used to get straight-up published as a ‘5 minute fantasy’ in young women and girls’ magazines where you’d get like, some 15 year old’s daydream about meeting a boyband member on holiday and falling in love and this was for some reason just treated as an absolutely normal bit of publishing not like ‘what the hell, that would be illegal’ and ‘why is this the fantasy we are encouraging girls to have as an ambition when it comes to sports or even pop success’ and y’know. 

Anyway, the 90s: really can’t emphasise enough how fucking weird having only a few sources to get your media from makes them.

Back to RPF; its roots are in political obscenity, if you want to talk about the bawdy stuff. The French Revolution, in particularly, wrote lots of erotica (the kinkier the better) about the royal family as part of refusing to acknowledge their divine rights under the church. It was an anarchical refusal to accept the situation as it was and to undermine it. 

Beyond that you’ve got historical fiction - Thucydides was all about working up a really good narrative take* on the Peloponnesian war back in the fifth century BC. Extra scenes, big dialogue, you know. If he’d known about self-lubricating buttholes then you BET Herodotus would have put them in the Histories.

Point is: writing fiction about real people isn’t really that weird, Shakespeare did a load of it. But we tend to problematise RPF and consider it strange, even amongst fanfiction.

Now, to 21st century sports and specifically F1. We speak here on Tumblr dot com, the audience where F1 fans skew most largely LGBT, non-cis and female or non binary rather than every other platform which is full of cis het men. Here is where we talk about fanfic. Because they don’t know we’re here, I assume, is the logic.

(they kinda don’t, to be fair)

Most of us do not see ourselves in sports. Most sports media is not aimed at the way that a lot of us were socialised to engage with stuff and most of us - lucky buggers like me aside - do not get to write the narratives of the way sport is engaged with or talked about or who does it. 

A lot of us who live here on god’s abandoned internet have drifted in and out of fandoms and a lot of that will have involved engaging with fanfiction. Fanfiction is a really fun sandbox to play in, as an adult - we get told to stop playing, as we grow up and it’s no surprise that we still want to. 

There’s a six monthly cycle of some AAA game that asks the question “is shooting people bad?” that prompts 10 broadsheet newspaper pieces on Videogames: Not Just For Kids Anymore (and sub in comics/superheroes/etc for games there) that makes everyone who knows that roll their eyes. Games and comics and superheroes are big, legitimised industries now that turnover hundreds of billions of dollars.

Fanfiction is an outlier, as the purest form of play in a lot of senses. Unfettered, it’s the democratic media platform; there’s no minimum standard for publishing, there’s no real limits beyond your own ethics on what you can publish. it doesn’t turn a profit, by its very definition and it allows lots of games and versions of itself within that. 

For something with a ludicrously broad definition that encapsulates hugely different types of works, it has defined forms; from drabbles to wingfic, as structural formats, we also recognise fluff or hurt/comfort as genre. Fanfiction isn’t really the thing itself, it’s the bookshop and what you find in it will vary on where you look and often, the advice of the bookseller or friends you speak to.

If you’ve enjoyed wandering that bookstore and adding to its shelves as part of the way you engage with media and then you come to a sports fandom? Well, you’re gonna look for the fic. If you don’t see yourself in the sport, as a woman or a queer person then you can write yourself in. It’s sad that we sideline the fantasies where we exist - given they’re entirely normal to have - into places where we jealously guard them away from the reality we daren’t intrude on but that is how it is.

And fuck: if your whole reason for liking F1 is cus you wanna marry a driver and you’re writing those 15 minute fantasies about them like you’re 15 and they’re a poster then it’s not doing any harm - it’s a lot healthier than stalking them. You might even work out what you really want or more things about yourself, in the process.

(if it’s ‘to marry an F1 driver’ then I suggest you take some boring swimwear snaps somewhere that looks expensive, stick ‘em on Insta and wait for the DM slide)

One of the things I like best in fanfic is the possibility of a queer narrative without complications, of telling queer stories without having to justify them as Issues, of letting us see ourselves and our own awakenings because fuck, you know the big book shop (if such things still exist) has one shelf of expensive, niche published novels you find difficult to related to and three sex ed books.

F1 fanfic was one of the ways I wandered back to the F1 fandom and one of the reasons I work in the industry now. It was enough of an in to make me want to really think, to have that new crush energy of obsession and enjoyment, about motorsport in a way I’d drifted away from as I felt sidelined from the sport through my early-to-mid 20s. I found brocedes much more compelling, as an interpretation and a way of processing the intense rivalry between Lewis and Nico - even knowing it was fictional conjecture - than I did the equally fictional conjecture about their psychological states and potential weaknesses published in the sports papers.

So, yes, I have read some excellent Formula 1 RPF. I have written some frankly mediocre and in retrospect very poorly edited F1 RPF that I posted to Twitter in a drunken moment of excitement because I was happy I’d finished it and forgot, idk. I have a tricky relationship to being a Notable Person I guess, I hadn’t intended any harm and was mostly worried I’d get flack from the industry. Lol. Anyway, only saying it cus like; this isn’t just me talking about things theoretically.

There’s a lot of F1 RPF that is more insightful than a lot of columns about ‘inside the drivers’ minds’ working off very little more than the RPF is.

Some of it, I won’t lie, I find really fucking weird but I guess like, that ain’t for me. There are a lot of problems with RPF - it’s too male, too frequently misogynist, too keen to reinforce homophobic ideas, too often white and blonde, not radical enough but those issues are for the advanced class rather than the 101 overview I was aiming for here and go well beyond F1 or RPF.

Shit I should be writing the weather report. Fuck. I’m the worst. Err, there you go, that’s a whole thing.

(I don’t read very much - I am busy af - but occasionally and especially on long haul flights when the idea of anything other than soothing is impossible)

*Actually tbh Thucydides couldn’t write for fuck but it was early and you know how when a tag’s young you’ll read a lot of mediocre stuff?

[mengyan]

Sooo i saw you review someones carulia fic befpre so uh heres mine, if i could have some pointers?🥺For context; its supposed to be an angst to fluff comcerning how Carmen & Jules make up following the ACME interruption..

Carmen POV:

The rain relented for no one, not even for those who were in mourning. It was a single drop and a million all at once, thundering down in sheets ftom a confident stormy sky. Carmen Sandiego shivered, the tiny droplets assaulting every shred of skin she had dared to leave exposed.

Her red-brunette hair was drenched a shade darker, now existing as a thick, sopping mass glued to the back of her feverish neck. Carmen’s cheeks were ice cold and slick with water, aside from two thin trails of tears with fading heat.

That was one plus side of being out in the storm, she supposed. It was easy to cry in the rain.

In Carmen’s hands were an arrangement of Peonies and Hydrangeas, the water hammering at their petals. They had been Shadowsan’s suggestion and she took it, because, how the hell would she know what kind of flowers Dexter Wolfe preferred?

The makeshift grave had been Shadowsan’s idea, too. Apparently it would give her closure. Carmen admitted it did, to some extent, help to have some way to mourn her late father. But the fact that she knew his body wasn’t anywhere near his headstone dulled any respite it might have provided.

They had chosen a grave in Poiters, France. It was the only place the team frequented aside from San Diego, and it held the only funeral home that agreed to not ask questions about birth and death records.

Team red hadn’t visited the place in months what with her falling out with Julia and ACME, until today. It was the anniversary of his death, after all.

Carmen’s hands quivered as she lowered the flowers to the wet earth. Tension pulsed in her veins with a thousand emotions flooding through her. She was so, so angry! At the world, at Shadowsan, at Chief, at everyone for taking away what could’ve been a beautiful life with family she now knew nothing of.

She wanted to hurt someone, to scream. And so she did. A guttural roar escaped Carmen’s rouged lips, disappearing into the night. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her erratic breathing. When she looked down, she realized she had crushed the flowers.

Not caring anymore, Carmen plopped down against the headstone, the mud squelching beneath her. Tears began to flow beyond her control and she let them, for once allowing herself to truly feel all the hurt she kept pent up inside in favor of her suave exterior.

Her fingers dug into the earth, and she flung a fistful of mud into the rain. Carmen was tired of running from everything, tired of chasing her past, tired of hiding from the people she cared about.

Maybe the earth’ll open up and swallow me, she mused. Or better yet, maybe I’ll get struck by lightning.

Carmen sighed, moving her back to rest against her father’s grave. “Oh, dad.” She whispered softly. “I’m so sorry.”

The lady in red began to relax despite the rain, curling up in a fetal position and feeling sorry for herself. It wasn’t like Zack, Ivy, Player, and Shadowsan were here to see her so vulnerable, after all.

The sound of two feet approaching caught her attention, their light tread a very familiar sound.

No. It couldn’t be-

The lady in red looked up, her hair strewn haphazardly and her eyes red from crying all while every inch of her body was drenched.

“Miss Sandiego?” There stood Julia Argent with a sky blue umbrella, a mix of horror and concern painted over her delicate features.

“How many times have I told you Carmen is fine?” Carmen whispered as usual, only this time the flirty playfulness was amiss. Her voice was hoarse and raspy, not a sliver of emotion present as she stared dead ahead, right through Julia.

“I’m.....sorry.” The petite woman replied, stressing the underlying meaning.

“What are you doing here, Agent Argent?” Carmen asked tiredly, refusing to call her Jules any longer.

Julia flinched, as if the missing nickname was like a blow to the gut. “Please, you don’t have to be so formal. But, um, I live here, remember? So I think I I should be ask you that.”

“I was just passing through.” The lady in red stood, refusing to meet the other woman’s eyss.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere but here.” Carmen said coldly. She couldn’t believe she had ever been stupid enough to begin to trust Julia, much less begin to fall for her. “It’s a long walk to the train station.”

For once, she thought she had someone who believed in her, someone who was on her side wholeheartedly.....and yet...

Stockholm.

“Carmen, you won’t be able to find your way in this weather.” Julia said tentatively, pity filling her beautiful doe eyes to the brim. “Please, um, my apartment isn’t far from here. You can stay until the rain calms down.”

A dark, humorless laugh escaped the Latina’s lips. “What, do all you ACME agents bunk in the same place or something?”

“Excuse me?“

“So they’re waiting for me then,” Carmen continued, her anger and feelings of betrayal peeking into a tirade. “I bet they all have they’re guns propped up at the door already in place. I think I’ll pass, Jules.“

Carmen spit her nickname out like some vile insult she was hurtling at an enemy.

Julia sucked in a sharp breath, sadness touching her features. “Carmen,“ The petite woman began, pleading “I know you won’t forgive me for what happened in Stockholm, but I promise you I didn’t know.“ She paused, waiting for some form of acknowledgement, no response. “I-I told Chief to back off and let me talk to you, she-she said it was okay! I had no idea they were moving in. Please, please Believe me.”

“Oh yeah?“ The woman in red whispered, her voice barely audible over the downpour. “And what if I don’t?“

...

And thats all i have sooo far---

AIJSIDKDKJDKFJDJJSJDFJ OKAY THIS IS LATE BC I WAS NOT IN THE EMOTIONAL HEADSPACE TO DECONSTRUCT THIS BUT. ANON HOW DARE YOU? I AM IN IMMEASURABLE PAIN

i’ll just add notes as i go, thank you for allowing me to read this and offer pointers :D

your descriptions are so good omg!! i love the first sentence SO much?? “the rain relented for no one, not even for those who were in mourning” PHEWWW that’s poetry

i’d say the only thing about the following descriptions is that you don’t have to describe everything, if that makes sense? like, you can leave it as just “a stormy sky” for example. descriptions are amazing, but too much of anything can be harder to read and get your point across!

“it was easy to cry in the rain” anon WHO let you hurt me like this!!!

i feel like if i look up those flowers i will cry so i’m not going to but. shadowsan knowing what flowers to bring is just.... help i’m in pain

NOT THE GRAVE BEING IN POITIERS GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH

instead of “so, so, angry” you can say furious, and replace the exclamation mark with a period. it makes it more solid (if that’s the right word...?)

it’s probably a tumblr formatting thing but italicize the words when it’s her inner thoughts for better distinction!

CARMEN RECOGNIZING JULIA’S FOOTSTEPS

“a mix of horror and concern painted over her delicate features” i’m in LOVE with this wording??

REFUSING TO CALL HER JULES ANY LONGER@,#)&()&)&&)&:&:; LORDDDD

NOT THE. NOT FUCKING STOCKHOLM ANON?? me: brings it up 24/7 and then me when anyone else brings it up: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

THE ANGST IS KILLING ME

side note, don’t refer to characters by their race/ethnicity, go with the thief, lady in red, the other girl etc

probably a typo but **their instead of they’re!

“AND WHAT IF I DON’T?” I AM INCONSOLABLE ANON I AM SO SCARED TO READ THE FULL THING WHEN YOU’RE DONE BUT I ALSO CAN’T WAIT AHHHHH THIS ANGST IS SOOO GOOD

thanks again for the submission 🥺💕 i hope my notes were okay!! this was such an emotional journey to read and now i’m going to be fueled by stockholm angst all day when writing <3

[distortiondragon]

9, 11, 13, 19 !

oh boy! let's see if tumblr mobile doesn't break my formatting.

9 — favorite type?

oh god oh fuck. i always default to bug on this question because a lot of my faves (not just limited to ones listed in following question) ARE bugs, but god is the type kinda. shit to use. the designs can really go off though, Venonat and Ariados are just nice, Spewpa is adorable to me, etc. typeswise I guess it's an endearing shittiness in battle, so i think i'll stick with it and then have runner up type be either poison, dark, or dragon.

11 — list your top 6 pokemon

FUCK, okay, but in no particular order and chosen by random from a larger pool of favorites:

- Zubat, because he is just a little guy and also a friend

- Deino/Zweilous, because they are bastard(s)

- Scizor, because i really love scyther also but scizor is red and kind of a powerhouse

- Sneasel, because of our kindred catboy energy

- Servine, because the first pokemon game my idiot child brain figured out how to beat to completion (become champion, not 100%) was Pokemon Black, and this was my favorite stage of my starter's line

- and Noivern, because i love its design and i think it would be fun and sexy to threaten people with saying i'll make my big scary bat dragon rip them to shreds. it's a powermove. when will they add mugging now-defenseless trainers you've beaten in a fair battle for more prize money /j

13 — favorite legendary pokemon?

this is also difficult. can i just kinda rank them by gen? if so:

gen1: Mewtwo, mew is mythical unfortunately

gen2: Lugia. it's lugia. has to be. that pokeani episode with the baby lugia made me unreasonably upset that i couldnt breed lugias like phiones with ditto but god was the baby lugia fuckin cute. shouldve been a dragon type though

gen3: fuckinnnnn Latias counts right? i like her, she's cute :)

gen4: genuine tie between Giratina (the objectively correct answer) or Azelf (the subjectively correct answer)

gen5: Reshiram is up there. Cobalion is kind of a blip on the radar against it since it's my fav of musketeer trio but i think reshi is the way to go.

gen6: Yveltal. sorry for being edgy

gen7: Necrozma hands down. not for being very op but just because i adore its design and lore/concept actually and i kind of fuck with the ultra space a lot

gen8: you played gen 8? uh. hm. i had to look this up to pick bc i genuinely forgot if there were any more other than the dogs and bootleg necrozma on basegame since i refuse to buy the dlc and there isn't really. Zacian I guess? it's a sword dog.

19 — which evil pokemon team is your favorite?

depends on how the hyperfixation is hitting, but rn its Rocket, followed directly by Galactic. probably not based taste but i feel confident in my answers

[ladytauria]

.

vent post, this time not in the tags bc i need more like... space to say what i want + formatting options.

under a readmore, so if u don’t want to hear my ranting, pls pls skip over it, it rly isn’t anything overly serious i just need to vent :)

tw / cw: religion, jehovah’s witnesses, mild political discussion, coronavirus / covid mention

so! there are two (broad) topics of discussion i prefer to avoid with my grandmother. the first is anything that might result in her bringing up the witnesses. the second, is politics. usually a lot of topics fall into both, but some lean more heavily one way or the other. (there is a third, actually: my health. i like to avoid that bc i feel like she talks over me / blows things out of proportion. it’s bc she cares but it’s annoying, and i don’t like it.

friday, she was talking to her sister-in-law / one of my (many) great aunts. now, her sil is an idiot, much like my grandma’s brother. but, she said something about how “she didn’t care if she god covid because at least she would be going to a better place.”

now. one thing you should know if you don’t already --- witnesses don’t believe that you go to heaven or hell when you die. they believe a select amount of people (the anointed) go to heaven after death. everyone else dies & is essentially like... asleep / unconscious / no longer with us until armageddon comes, after which all of those who refuse to follow what they should will die & “the meek will inherit the earth.” by which they mean those who follow the way as written by their version of the bible.

so that clarified. my grandma usually won’t say anything when someone says it to her---not even when my mom died in ‘16, and people were like “at least she’s in a better place now.” because usually they’re being nice, and also, there’s no point. but she will sometimes say something later. not usually if they were being nice, of course---but. anyway.

so she was telling me about it and i made a comment like, “it’s always so weird to me how people who are so mean / rude to others are always the most certain that they’re going to heaven.” bc my great aunt is---not the nicest. at all. and anyway, my grandma agreed with me but then she said, like,

“especially people who are political.” because the jw are very like---against voting & stuff like that, unless it’s like, something that would directly affect their religion. (so if they were going to like, ban them from practicing it, they would be able to go and vote.) now some of them vote anyway, but apparently my grandma was not really a voter even before she converted.

anyway, but my grandma is always making comments on “i’m just not a political person” or like, “i don’t understand why people get so heated over politics they’re just opinions” which. anyway.

i don’t know why friday was the day i decided to say something. i really don’t.

but anyway, after she said, “especially people who are political” i said:

“well that depends on their poltiics. because, i mean, jesus was really political.”

“well were do you get that idea?” she said, so.

i said, “um, because its in the bible? like, a lot of his stances at the time were political. like ‘give them the shirt off of your back’ or ‘turn the other cheek.’“ and i referenced the tumblr posts that float around all the time.

she was quiet for a long time, and then i said, “and i mean, he was also really big about feeding the poor, which is apparently still a political statement.”

& she went off ranting about that, which was nice.

but, anyway, i kind of hoped that you know. maybe i’d given her something to think about? it was a mild hope, really, but i thought it would at least stall her talking to me about politics for a while or saying she’s “not really political.”

but. nope.

today apparently she got a message from a conspiracy theorist cousin/niece (not sure which). & it was dumb, it was that stupid “bill gates is the reason for the coronavirus” thing. with a preface saying to “just share it, don’t post it because facebook removes it.” & like. grandma said she was just going to delete the chat bc her cousin/niece is always sending her that stuff.

well, i said, “just tell you don’t want to her about things like that!”

& of course said, “yeah, i could. i mean, i’m not really a political person.”

& i wanted to say: “do you believe in wearing a mask? do you believe in vaccinations? are you against trump? do you believe the poor should be fed? do you believe religion should be kept out of schools?” the answer to those, btw, is all yes. “okay, then, you’re political. congratulations.”

i did not say any of these.

& of course she followed that up with, “you know when my [two friends from high school] found out i was a witness, they unfriended me for two years. they finally sent a request again, but i took a while to decide if i wanted to accept it.”

and i’m just---

i am so done honestly.

i mean she could be worse? like for instance she’s against banning abortions. (not bc she’s pro-abortion but bc her stance is: they’re going to do it anyway, might as well be safe.) & she doesn’t want people’s rights taken away, and she doesn’t refuse service to people for their believes (as far as i know). she just won’t personally associate with people who have lifestyles / values she doesn’t believe in.

but still.

it’s so very irritating, and honestly, if other parts of my family weren’t worse / i could support myself, i would move out.

anyway.

rant over, for now, ig. just needed to get that off my chest.

[gluttons]

1 2 3 5 10 12 20 22 36 (give me the salt fam)

What would prevent you from following someone?

i pay quite a bit of attention the mun’s voice when reading rules / pages . some people just come off as extremely aggressive / controlling, and it puts me off from following sometimes !  things like : do not follow and block me immediately if you are abc-phobic and support defg-isms ; it’s irritating when i see too much ooc / photos / literally anything apart from your replies ; i will unfollow n block you if you don’t attempt to approach me within a week and DONT try to contact me asking why i unfollowed you …

i certainly don’t want to interact sexist / racist / lgbtqphobic people myself . in an ideal world,  i would also want to interact with all 100+ of my mutuals on the regular and have them approach me within a week of following me - like wouldn’t that be convenient ?? but in reality , people have their own obligations n priorities. people grow up in diff backgrounds n might not have the exact same viewpoints as u. like. idk,, it just comes off as intolerant and disrespectful.  i dont want to feel like i’m walking on eggshells whenever i log in or make a post.

Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

honestly… no !!! as long as the chara is interesting n there is quality writing i don’t mind if a blog is default tumble theme w no aesthetics or post formats at all  ( w the exception cutting posts and uniform icons ! )  as long as the blog format is consistent n readable i will give any blog a fair shot i think !!  ‘:/c

What current rp trend do you hate?

i honestly rly dislike the dashboard blog thing. i know its hypocritical of me to say this bc i also succumbed to the trend but like. but it makes things so hard to access ,  esp if i want to like, edit or add tags to an old post i have to use mass editor and can’t just edit via permalink rip  ( maybe there’s a way of doing it and im just big dumb who knows )

Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

i dont rly have a preference w muse gender ??? :/c  i honestly follow whoever i find interesting n like,  write w whoever wants to write w me lol .  but i do think female muses approach meph more often - idk if its bc of the distribution of female to male muses on tumble or smth ?? but this happens w so many of my muses - idk if its how i write them or how i come across as a person or smth but like . yeah. orz.

Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

actually nooo ???? i’ve never bought or made a commission from / for anyone in my life so .. sfkafa i am completely indifferent on this subject.

Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

ive never been in drama ?? i dont think?  i feel like i generally am quite soft spoken n genial on tumblr dash bc im . weary about projecting my views ,,,,

but well, i used to know sb who was caught up in clique drama and they would constantly badmouth abt other users to me . i didn’t know how to outright tell them i wasn’t interested in hearing it,, but yeah we kinda stopped talking after that.

Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

slightly ???  i have had ppl push ship ideas onto me real strongly . i’m not against ships but they’d come to me w a preconception of who my muse is …  esp w canon muses … its not exactly a huge deal bc i get that ppl are excited to plot n ship characters,  but like .  yeah i have.  i’m not  …  great at refusing people hskfjdfa

What would make you block someone?

idk i’ve never actually blocked anyone  ( lol asides from p.orn bots ) . unfollowing  +  steadfastly ignoring them  usually does the trick for me.  shdfksdjfa

What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

well. this is a bit controversial …. but i feel like ppl are. too sensitive abt whitewashing ?? like i understand that there’s a problem if icons are deliberately edited to lighten skin tone or if a mun straight up erases the character’s racial identity , but some ppl just use pack psds n when the icons are like. two hexes off from their orig skin tone n people accuse them of bein racist and stuff. like . yeah ok,  maybe it was a poor judgement on the mun’s part ,  but labelling them a racist is just . not cool.

like damn. there are actual people out there suffering from the impact of racism ! victims who have been denied entry n detained at borders, subjected to police brutality, denied their rights to expression n respect in the workplace ,,,,,  like open your eyes,  putting a tinted psd over a picture or wtv is NOT racism oh my god. trying to claim that this falls into the same category ultimately trivialises the issue imo .

[wkndwhp]

Even the wind makes a noise eventually

yall asked for it, here it is- the morro fanfic i spent three days on in a burst of inspiration and hey if yall want more of this kind of content lmk, i really enjoy writing (even though tumblr kinda screwed my formatting up)!

putting it beneath the read more bc its uh. a long one.

now cross-posted on ff and ao3!

character study of Wu and Morro || no ships || G (very mild swearing)

snapshots of Morro’s childhood- includes one of my headcanons (selectively mute!Morro)

The day the young sensei Wu found the child digging through his trash was one he’d never expected. The man had seen thousands of years, experienced thousands of things, and yet it had never come to his mind that a scenario like this could come up.

The child couldn’t have been more than ten, but his age was hard to tell with just how small and malnourished he was. His behavior was like that of a scared animal, skittish, fragile, and distant.

Wu watched him scarf down the food he’d left out for the third day in a row, his students peeking around him and out the gate at the sight with curiosity.

“Sensei, shouldn’t we bring him in?” Asked one of them on the fourth day.

“We will, but we must give him time.” Wu had replied, as he watched the boy scurry off, back down the mountain. He wasn’t going far, he’d been hanging around, like a stray dog who’d learned where a restaurant dumped its waste. He’d be back at the gate tomorrow, just a few paces away, far enough for a headstart on escaping if need be, close enough to snatch up the food before it was taken from him by someone who wasn’t there to take it.

Wu was a patient man. He would wait til the child was more comfortable.

It took a full week for the child to stop running off, for him to linger. Wu had studied him quite a bit in this time, and one thing he’d noticed is just how quiet he was, how hesitant he was to look at anyone for more than a moment, keeping his head down, letting his greasy hair drape over his face as if it hid him from view.

Dirt caked his hands, his arms and legs scraped up, and his clothing tattered.

He needed somewhere to go, to clean, to live.

This was only a child, after all.

Wu decided that the next day, he would approach him, and offer him the chance to come inside.

It was a lot like taking in a cat who’d lived outside its whole life. Wu left the gate cracked, and the child would wander in and out at will, staying in longer as his comfort grew.

Soon, he was sleeping inside the gate.

Wu made him up a room, seperate from his other students, closer to his own. The child was still skittish, he needed a pillar of support, and that would be Wu until he was okay on his own.

The child was bathed, clothed in something better, and fed. A silent, personal pledge was made: “I will keep this child safe.”  

He couldn’t keep calling the boy by nothing, he needed a name.

Morro, he decided, as a lone hill, a mountain, isolated, was like he had once been.

Morro was still silent, going on a month living in the monastery. Hadn’t said a word to anyone, even though he had integrated nicely.

Wu had begun to wonder if, perhaps, he was mute. It wasn’t out of the question, of course, and he would find a way to communicate if he were.

And then one day, his wondering was put to rest.

“Morro, could you fetch my teapot?” Wu had been meditating, Morro sitting just across the room, silent and watching. He stood, slowly, and brought it over.

“Thank you.” Wu took the teapot carefully, and poured himself a cup.

A quiet moment, then, a hesitant reply. A voice Wu had wondered about for days.

“You’re welcome.”

Wu nearly spilt his tea.

Morro had begun to watch the students train, Wu noticed one day. He watched with curiosity, with a passion, a longing to do what they were doing. So he extended an offer.

“Morro, would you like to join in on the lesson?” His students paused, turning to look at the other, who shrunk back for a moment under the sudden attention.

“Um.”

“It’s alright, you can come and follow along.”

Cautiously, Morro stepped forward, shrinking further still under the eyes of his peers.

“Class- look forward.” The direction fixed that issue, as his students turned back to him, and Morro relaxed, taking up a space towards the back.

“Now, back to the lesson. What was I saying about quitting?”

Wu had a talent for spotting great potential, but sometimes that required pushing, maybe a bit harder than was considered kind.

Morro took a heavy hit, knocked down by an older student.

“Get up.” Wu barked, sounding quite like his father to his own ear.

Morro didn’t get up.

“Get up!” He repeated, and the child scrambled to his feet, meeting the other student’s eyes for a moment. Wu didn’t see the look of confusion on either of their faces as both of them realized that, for some reason, their sensei was being exceptionally hard on Morro. The lesson continued, as did the treatment.

And it continued on with every lesson after, Morro being pushed harder than the others for reasons no one was quite sure of.

Wu knew greatness when he saw it, and he knew how to push it out of someone.

Morro spent a lot of time sitting outside the gate, quietly watching the sky, eyes chasing kites as they flitted across the blue. Wu found him like that before class, as he often did, and he’d brought a gift. The boy had been around for a bit now, more than two months, and he’d been making great progress in his training with the extra pressure, yet, somehow, Wu felt they’d grown distant.

Maybe he was being too hard on him.

The gift was an attempt to try and mend.

When he handed Morro the kite, the reaction he’d gotten came in three steps:

Initial confusion, joy, then hesitation. Had Wu really pushed him that hard, that he’d doubt a gift? He nodded encouragingly, pointing up at the other kites, about to explain how to fly it before the teakettle went off and he had to go stop its whistling.

Morro held the kite a moment, then glanced to the sky, then back to the kite. Careful, he stirred the wind, as he’d been practicing in secret for years, the breeze lifting the kite up into the air. A stronger gust sent it higher, and he held it there, suspended in air.

That’s how Wu found him a moment later.

The wind seemed to stir up something else aside from the kite, a memory, a wonder in Wu.

The color green suddenly seemed to make sense.

Green, huh? Morro would wear green one day- be the one who kept everyone safe? Morro barely understood, destiny a confusing concept, but one thing was clear: training was about to be ramped up. He had to keep up- he was green. Green and green and green and what if he failed? If he didn’t live up to the expectations?

Memories of his past were few, but Morro remembered a bit.

The bit about his father- about the bitter noise and being chased off, no older than six, alone and alone and alone.

Morro could not fail.

The streets had never been kind- he never wanted to go back, and if he failed, oh God, if he failed he’d go back, wouldn’t he? Only kept around for his potential- wasn’t he?

Wu saw green and Morro was green- would be green.

Morro was good- stronger, faster, more resilient. He toppled the other students with ease, twelve years old with the spirit and force of a hurricane. Yet- Wu seemed displeased. What had he done wrong? He’d won, hadn’t he? Anger bubbled up- he needed stronger opponents.

“Get up!” Morro yelled, tugging at the arm of another student, who cowered, pulling away, afraid of the storm in the green eyes staring him down. “Get up!”

“Enough!” Wu has stepped down, off the steps, marching towards his prized student. If Morro was a hurricane, Wu was an apocalypse. He expected Morro to stop, to step away, but he didn’t. He turned, defiant, to his sensei.

“But Sensei-“

“I said enough.”

“When is ‘enough’ ever enough in my training, Sensei?” His voice, never more than a whisper, always so hidden, was harsh and loud now. It shook, still, despite its certainty in the moment.

“You are done for today, Morro. Room.”

The other students watched, tense, as they stared one another down. A moment, then Morro turned, averting his eyes, and ran off to his room.

Wu began to wonder if he had been wrong- if green wasn’t what he saw.

And yet training continued, and Morro grew stronger still, the deep rooted fear of rejection- of failing and being left- of the destiny he had been handed and forced to carry. Green, hm? He’d have to be good enough for green.

The day had come, a day Wu had been dreading, a day Morro had, with anxious breath, been looking forward to. Morro would be called Green and everything would be fine- Wu wouldn’t leave him, because he’d be green- he had to be he’d worked so hard to get here.

Wu smiled softly at his pupil, who strode into the room with sure steps, with fidgeting hands.

The weapons laid out. Morro closed his eyes, and stepped forward, surrounding himself with their golden light.

And it was silent.

Wu blinked, heaved a sigh.

Morro opened his eyes. No no no no no.

“I’ll train more- learn more lessons!” He couldn’t have come all his way for nothing. He couldn’t have spent so long, only for destiny to-

“Destiny has spoken.” Wu was calm, his worries of an over-ambitious green ninja put to rest. It wasn’t Morro, that was fine with him.

Anger, more than any Morro had ever felt, swirled like a cyclone in him. His sensei didn't care. He never had, had he? He’d only tolerated him for destiny’s sake. Morro, voice rough around its edges, underused for years, raised to a shout.

“Then I refuse to listen!” There was no way he could give up now- without a purpose, never having been given time for anything else but practice. Never having thought of the “what-if” enough to have a backup plan, Sensei so sure he wouldn’t need one. No purpose, no need for him- would he be thrown back out? The wind howled outside, and Morro yelled with all the force he had, grabbing the screen door, throwing it, a gale force trapped in the dojo. “You made me believe!”

The room was a mess, his student having torn it apart then left in a whirlwind. Wu stood, stomach in knots, guilt dying his mind from green to grey.

Morro was his biggest regret.

When Wu entered Morro’s room, he was greeted with a sight he hadn’t expected. The boy, still a child, had packed a bag with only the essentials, the cloth he’d tied it all in torn from his old kite. He was leaving?

Better to leave than be kicked out, better to act as though you’re okay when you want to cry, because Sensei trained you to be stronger than that.

Proving destiny wrong was no easy task.

One slip up, you’re dead.

Morro clambered into the cave, older now, alone. How he’d made it to eighteen while testing fate time and time again he’d never know.

A sound rumbled from somewhere- one of the tests? The room smelled awful, sickening, heavy clouds of smoke and soot, the ground beneath his feet covered in pebbles that rolled and slid whenever he took a step. Surely it was here, right? If only he could see!

A wind whipped up the smoke, clearing it away, shaking lose the unsteady surroundings. A cave in- like fate had found the least climactic way to kill him. The boulders that tumbled down pinned his legs, the smog and noxious gas filling his lungs. Too much of that and he’d be dead- if only he could move these damn rocks.

No breezes, no winds, nothing. He was pinned.

A slow death is what he deserved, he supposed.

A second per hour he’d wasted on this whole ordeal.

The cursed realm isn’t what he expected- though he should have. The First Spinjitzu Master wasn’t one to support people seeking out his tomb for personal reasons- for reasons going against destiny. Or maybe it was his years spent claiming to be the green ninja? His simple existence?

Cursed.

How fitting that ghosts were green.

[littlecafe]

my suband thoughts pt. 2

(me trying to make this post for the 3rd time now) i realized i wrote like a 10 page dissertation instead and i refuse to post all that so i’m just going to copy over a few and keep the rest in drafts for when i want to reference them later

i will include results and elimination spoilers in this post so if you want to avoid those then don’t read this one...i try to keep things spoiler free but i just. have things to say about the results specific to round 2 :-)

jtbc finally striking down accounts on twitter and instagram for posting suband content....i think tumblr is safe bc this website is dead so i’ll continue posting i guess??? they haven’t done anything to that one youtube that’s been posting all the performance videos too so who knows

should i start with more contestant based random thoughts first

i was scammed by jtbc teaser editor bc they used a clip of jeongho “singing” into the mic in their preview and i waited 2 whole episodes (his team performed last in round 2) for me to find out it was a autotuned mic and a vocoder HELP MEEEE SAKJFDSKF at that point literally i could only laugh 

but he plays contrabass? he actually majored in contrabass? or maybe that was his old major, he’s still in school atm since wonsang said they go to the same one but he had educational training on it which is really cool

wait a minute......now that i think about it, that same teaser clip also spoiled the result of yeji winning bc they showed us that she was sitting in the waiting room during eliminations even though they haven’t performed yet (which means we knew her team won AND they already showed us all the matchups before so we also knew who she beat) WHO WAS EDITING THIS LMAO and it wasn’t even a accidental leak like she was sitting in the background, it was literally her reaction as the main focus and everything omg

hwang inkyu hello??? he’s movning’s bassist and he has a combined total of maybe 3 lines of airtime so far i wish he’d speak more bc i was so scared he’d get his ass kicked off the show bc he wouldn’t have been able to make a lasting impression but thank god hwanglin picked him up and seems like he’s going to be moving on with his team in the next round too (good for them the stage was so good i wanted to post it but haven’t yet..)

i used to really like movning’s music but their music direction went into a style i don’t listen to much so i haven’t checked into them recently, tbh i didn’t even know they auditioned until i looked at the full list of contestants later because their stage was cut out and only inkyu made it in

park dawool and hwang hyunjo both have galaxy brains and i would trust them with my life - yea i will not elaborate much because this post is already long even after i shortened it bc i talk too much but hyunjo making entire ppt slides? to present her theories and ideas? yea she’s absolutely ready for everything, for real she’s carrying her teams to victory

leenzy’s 2nd round team was so strong that i thought she got to pick really early (since they showed us all the team formations before airing the actual performances with the behinds for pickings and stuff) but she was actually the 2nd to last pair?? so all that’s left is her > the guy she chose to be her opponent, and then the poor guy that gets to pick from the remaining 6 or so and the final team of the ones unchosen

i was really shocked to find out no one wanted nakyung and ahkyung when i thought they were some of the best :-( i really still can’t tell if the mixing of male and female was a good idea esp since it was so skewed male in the first place ugh in round 2 it seems like the girls are getting shafted???

out of the 6 girls (that can be picked since 3 are frontmen!), 3 of them were not picked up until basically the very end when you don’t really have many choices left...nakyung (guitar), ahkyung (drums), and sujin (vocals)...and they’re all really good?? sujin ended up on the second to last team (basically the last team if we’re being honest since the actual last team is sadly the band of leftovers) and i just don’t understand why they weren’t picked up earlier...i can understand sometimes vocalists can get shafted because the show starts out with a loooot of vocalists so it’s hard to find a place for all of them but guitar? drums? u can definitely pick them...there’s literally only 7 or so drummers to begin with and one has been glued to crackshot the entire time

before the season started i was already terrified that the girls might get shafted because jtbc didn’t want girls auditioning in the first place but it was fine in the first round but now the second round made me think about that again.....it’s worse when they spin the whole “yes!! all girl band!! girl power!!!” when the reality was they weren’t picked up this whole time. annoying.

but this blame has to be shouldered by jtbc bc they wanted to keep it all boys but bc of public reactions (rightfully so) they decided to let female contestants audition but then it turned out that they barely pass any female contestants so it’s still terrible?!! i’ll just write this up that teams are still trying to figure themselves out and work with different people for now....maybe i’m just worried for nothing

not to absolutely curse myself but i think most of my favorites might make it at least to round 4 and i feel like a decent amount will make it to semis so haha /knock on wood but i really hope this stays true...i just need nokdu to continue taking care of hyunsang and make city pop bops together because the judges seem to like that so far

i’m just worried about demian....the judges keep saying he’s improved so much but why do i feel like they will cut him as soon as they need to eliminate more people.....i’m not as worried about round 3 (unless his team falls on their face) but round 4 is where i’m really scared...it’s the last round before the real deal and in season 1 the round 4 eliminations hurt so bad...they cut like 9 people or something

i mean he has his own career as a soloist so he doesn’t need a band like some of the other contestants but i think he really enjoys being in a team with others, honestly i don’t even know if his company would allow for him to be in a side band? even if he were to make it? like mone made it but all their members had solo careers and with the rose and woosung having problems it must be way they just decided to stop after the show unlike the other semis teams purple rain, lucy (they did have a vocalist change since joohyuk stayed with his current band gift), aftermoon (but i guess their dj dropped out i don’t know what happend with dpole??), and of course the winners hoppipolla all continued making music together under the same name

honestly if he makes it past the judges i don’t even know if the public would vote for him, atm his popularity with the public seems nonexistent? lol but to be fair, for most contestants it’s like that, but i do wish he’d become more popular

actually should i be more worried for haeun...she plays classic guitar and usually they don’t like classic leaning instruments but she showed she can sing so i hope she gets to stay

there’s danny too but i think i have given up on him making it until the end, the only way is if he manages to stay on teams that win so he’ll never be up for elimination but i feel like they’re out to get him TT_TT

but i’ve condensed my solid favorites to just demian, yeji, haeun, and jeongho...maybe i’ll pick a 5th eventually but i still like everyone i put in my first post! i really want hyunsang to make it far though bc the vibraphone brings me so much joy so he can be honorary 5th for now

about eliminations though, right now the judges have eliminated less than last season which is odd for jtbc because i feel they keep to their formats almost exactly so now i’m just ?????? if there’s still more people currently....what is going to happen? are they going to make the judges cut more during rounds 3 and 4? or they trying to equalize the semifinals teams since last year some teams had 4 people while others had 5? are they going to do the unthinkable and give us more rounds or semifinal teams? (i wish) anyways kinda scared to see what round 3 eliminations bring now...

the actual eliminations have been mostly as expected for me, still sad but i guess since i sensed it coming it became more a feeling of like “it couldn’t be helped” and also early eliminations hurt less in general because you had less time to get to know the contestants which is why i’d rather they just eliminate now than later if they were going to do it anyways like pls spare me the pain (but this is selfish and contestants probably want to stay as long as possible)

one surprising one was ludi??? he’s a dj but he’s literally done nothing wrong so far i was just wtf??!! when they eliminated him like it felt out of nowhere.....i feel like djs have so much potential on this show because of all the sounds they have access too but i guess the judges aren’t found of edm noise

also demian nation we rise at dawn, when he said “i’m not okay” like- this song really meant a lot to him too i hate thisssss

PLS I JUST WANT HIM TO WIN ONCE SO BADLY but next time, thanks to kfans detective work on the teaser, it looks like junseo (the smol piano child) picked him and jeongho to be on his team (maybe there’s a 4th member too??) and i am putting my faith into that team now pls help my winless boys

the fact that jeongho is winless is almost funny to me because it’s also obvious he’s a judges favorite but i mean that doesn’t translate to wins just i’m pretty sure he’ll make it to the end regardless (like bohoon the vocalist of purple rain lost all 3 /technically all 4/ rounds and still made it), he plays bass and no bassist has ever been eliminated on the show yet so cheers to that

round 4 was special since they switched over to a number format and no band versus band i don’t remember if the team with the top points were immune to elimination or not (or maybe just an unwritten rule bc why the heck would you do that to them after giving them the best score) but the rest of the teams were fair game - which is exactly why this elimination round is the scariest and not good for my heart especially after i had spent weeks watching them sing and have fun..........

ok now to complain about the judges AGAIN: why are the judges thoughts on what they want in a band so damn similar anyway?

i mentioned this in my first post already about how i dislike the judging atmosphere

but now i actually see it...in the numbers...like s1 there was a bit more taste diversity within the judges but now i feel like i’m seeing a lot of 4:1 or 5:0 scores so i went to see the breakdown out of the 15 stages we had so far

5:0 score - 6

4:1 score - 7

3:2 score - 2

compared to s1 (out of 14 only because they edited out one pair of battles completely so we never knew their score...)

5:0 score - 2

4:1 score - 6

3:2 score - 6

looking at that...it makes me feel sad....especially in the early 2 rounds it must be demoralizing to keep getting met with 5:0 loss and to be very honest and in s1 the number of 5:0 did increase in round 3 but that was when more teams started to figure themselves out so it makes sense that some would start pulling ahead

i’m really tired of listening to the judges agreeing with each other all the time, it makes it seem like the vision they have for the band was already set from day 1 unlike in s1 where everyone went in with no expectations because it was a brand new program, zero expectations, zero fans, just some kids wanting to make music and that’s what it should be like....music shouldn’t be limiting like this, the judges seem a little closed minded and now i’m 100% sure they have certain band styles in mind (i don’t know if it’s the judges only or if it’s jtbc producers too that’s causing this)

and i see other ifans saying this exact same thing on twitter now too so it’s not just me that picked up on this so safe to say we can’t all be extremely sensitive right

like the contradictory comments -

dongheon’s 2nd round team was told their original song was great and lovely but they brought nothing new to the table and that it was too standard, “just like any other rock/rock ballad song” when i thought the leenzy’s team (the one they went up against) also had a pretty standard? pop rock song? absolutely nothing wrong with it either, even the judges said that the song was not complicated at all but complimented them on their “band feel” so i guess as long as they enjoyed the vibe of the team and it suited the type of band style they have in mind it’s suddenly fine to make a simple song

i’m not saying her song was worse than his (i enjoyed both and seeing original songs performed make me very happy), i’m just a little confused at the judges comments for them both especially when one performed after the other, you really don’t see the bias in your words?

dawool was told his song composition in the first stage was a little too...nuanced(?) and that they wish he could just keep thing simpler even though he thought he toned down already and kept things simple, so round 2 he decided to just work with someone that makes mainstream music (davii) to fulfil what the judges want

seulong’s 2nd round team decided to go heavier on the instrumental side because they figured they didn’t want to go head to head with one of the favorite vocalists of the show (sorry yeji, ur my queen but ur also the judges’ queen too :---( ) but got criticized for a similar reason...yoo heeyeol saying that their composition was “fun for the brain” but if he were thinking about the general public he doesn’t think they would like this type of music, literally saying that the general public do not have the music knowledge or brain capacity to understand all the skill based playing going on musically and so won’t enjoy it because it wouldn’t appeal to their hearts................(ok sure call us dumb it’s true but won’t appeal to our hearts? music can sound intricate and fun? we can enjoy some funky strings guitar riffs without actually knowing all the details ya know)

they also kept telling them (seulong’s team) “oh i loved this” “i wish there was a band like this” “very cool” and gave them no votes??? if you wish a band like this exist then why? would? you? not? vote? for them??? like i can’t tell if those were consolation comments or what 

man judges rant ended up being long asf and i’m usually not affected by them and what they say but i was already feeling an odd vibe from the beginning and now seeing 5:0 after 5:0 after 5:0 really did it for me

overall, a not very fun post to read through it’s just more ranting than anything....i’m dying for a big pop off performance so i can successfully gauge the public opinion so far but i’ll refrain from posting my guess until at least the end of round 3, also i believe the team vibe usually outweighs solo popularity but we don’t know any teams yet (at least i can’t guess anyone yet like i could in s1) so we will still have to see!!

i’m pretty sure only i would look and read through these long ass posts of mine lol but if anyone makes it this far i hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings and see you in my suband thoughts pt.3 

[drchristineputnam]

OOOk, sooo: 7, 8, 10, 19 (gimme the saltiness!) ;)

:PPPP

7. is there a series/book that got you into reading?

Yeah!!! I always loved reading and was a bookworm, but by the time I was in my late teens, I stopped reading books bcs I was so demotivated by all the “classics” I was forced to read in school/uni being disgusting mysogynistic sausage fests about how much the author hates women probably. By the time I was 19, I was reading fanfics (and superhero comics tbh) pretty much exclusively. AND THEN my friend recced me Shadow of the Templar which A) had canon queer characters which I DIDN’T KNOW QUEER CHARACTERS COULD EXIST IN BOOKS??????? and B) was in a format I was already comfortable with (the author has the entire books on their site GO READ IT) so it felt a bit?? like fanfics??

Anyway from there I moved to Captive Prince, which was in the same format at the time (yep, ye good olden livejournal days) and from there I moved to ‘book’ books like Nightrunner aaaaaaaand by then I was hooked :DD

(if we’re talking like. old books that god baby me into reading, you might not believe it but I was a HUGE štorch fan, Lovci Mamutu was my JAM and also he wrote this less famous book called Bronzovy Poklad set in bronze age, which has a disabled outsider protag WHO PREVAILS and then dies a heroic death that i was SO into that tbh explains a lot about my taste in media :P)

8. what is the first book you remember reading yourself?

Yeah that would be the aforementioned Bronzovy Poklad :D Like I remember a lot of the books, but this one stayed with me for the longest, probably.

Also Mysterious Island by Verne. That book gave me my love of crossovers (done well, and this one was the BEST)

10. do you have a guilty fav?

Hmmmm not really?? Like, if I like sth, I have reasons for it so I don’t really do guilty favs. Although by tumblr’s black-and-white morality, Captive Prince is my ‘guilty fav’ lol, given some of the angry messages I got :P 

19. most disliked popular books?

LMAOO are we doing Lanyon again. Like, y’all probably know my feelings about Lanyon by now. Anyway for any newcomers, I hate Lanyon’s books, they are a trash garbage fire and I refuse to touch anything she writes

Okay but unpopular opinion time right? I genuinely don’t understand the popularity Foxhole Court has? Don’t get me wrong, I read the trilogy and really enjoyed it for my own reasons, but I don’t get the mass popularity??? It’s always baffling to me how tumblr choses their fave books

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Quite honestly the bullet-point draft version of Too Aro Ace For This is better than the actual version, just because it’s so ridiculous, I mean I wrote most of it at 3 in the morning one night while crying so I feel like I should share it:

(if you are on mobile apologies, this was under a cut but yeah. Scroll through the nonsense at leisure.) (tumblr mobile glitches 90% of the time anyway)

TOO ARO ACE FOR THIS

(^idk if I'm gonna call it that or not that's just a working title)

(Anyway there was no way I was gonna be able to go without at least making a start on this thing which is essentially just three weird dreams I've had smushed together into a mess)

(I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELS ABOUT MY ARO ACE DAUGHTER OKAY AND I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING HER SUFFER)

So anyway here is the meme format version of this story which first tricks you into thinking it's about Alix's watch but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell but then tricks you into thinking it's about heartrate but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell again and then tricks you into thinking it's about the love square but really, it's about this poor child figuring out she's hella aromantic asexual and finding her platonic soulmate

First it's a normal school Friday but Alix is in a really bad mood bc in the evening she will have to go to the opening event for her dad's new exhibit at the museum and it's gonna be posh and boring and also he basically guilt-tripped her into wearing a dress for it bc he commissioned Marinette to make the dress specially for her so now she has to wear it and she's LIVID

Kim is an idiot and challenges her to an arm wrestle and she says yes but then she's sure she's gonna lose bc she's not actually that strong, but then again she's filled with rage so maybe

Anyway she does win and everyone's like "whoa" *highkey terrified of her* and Kim's red in the face and demanding a rematch and she's like "don't be a sore loser you jerk"

Then in the evening when her family's getting ready to go to the Louvre her dad's like "k you're not allowed to take your phone bc otherwise you'll just be using it all the time, you're 15 now so you can't just mess around, also don't go gorging yourself at the snack table with Jalil the whole time in fact Jalil since you wanna be a museum curator person too you should stay by my side and see how it's done"

Jalil's like "I HAVE SO MUCH UNI HOMEWORK SAVE ME" but he agrees to come along anyway

Alix is like "well would you look at that, this dress is too long for me :) I would just trip over :) what a shame :) looks like I'll have to just wear a suit instead :) in fact I don't even have a suit so I'll have to wear like a hoodie and jeans :) isn't it just too bad :)"

The dad's like "actually I got Marinette to get you matching heels so if you wear them then you will be tall enough" and Alix is like "WHAT NO I'M NOT WEARING THOSE" *throws a temper tantrum*

Her dad's like "bleh you 15 year olds and your teenage hormonal mood swings" *checkmate* and Alix is seething but wears the heels (though she refuses POINT BLANK to wear makeup and anyway no one in the house knows how to do it lol) (also she's literally me lol)

But then she's like "I'll only come along if you let me bring my watch" and he's like "fine but don't spend the whole evening fiddling with it or I'll confiscate it"

Anyway Marinette was a Good Child who sewed pockets into the dress bc all dresses have a dire need of pockets so Alix puts the watch in there and then tries not to fall over in the heels (like she can balance easily on skates but just not heels... pal trust me I used to ice skate fine but I could never wear heels and still can't so it's a thing okay)

Who needs HEELS when ya got HEELYS amirite

(Listen Alix totally wears Heelys all the time okay it's canon)

So they're at the thing at the Louvre and it's boring as hell (like remember that one scene in RWBY where Weiss Schnee is at that thing with her family and she hates it with every fibre of her being, in fact I'm guessing that episode probably inspired the dream that I lowkey based this part of the thing on lol)

Then at one point Alix feels that the watch in her pocket is getting really warm for some reason and she's like "????" bc it doesn't even run on electricity or anything

I mean I'm guessing it doesn't, idk how it works, looks like magic to me mate

So she's like "pssst Jalil come over here I need to show you something" so they sneak off to a room on the side and she opens the watch

It's really hot and the blue light from the hologram is pulsing like a beacon thing and it's really bright

She's like "do you have any idea what's going on with this thing" and he's like "idk sis it's your watch not mine" and she's like "but you're the history nerd" and he takes a closer look at it and says "nah I still have no idea why it's doing that, anyway I should get back now bc if dad notices I'm missing he'll be mad"

So they go back but it turns out their dad already noticed they were gone and he's like "frick's sake Alix I told you not to go goofing off and especially not to distract your brother, now go make yourself useful while I tell off Jalil, go say hello to Henri Duparc over there"

She's like "oh god no please I hate him" and her dad's like "just do it and don't make a scene okay"

(Henri Duparc is totally Jean Duparc's snobby nasty older cousin and I already hate his guts, I feel sorry for Jean for having to deal with him)

(But he's really rich and influential so everyone tries to stay on his good side bc he can literally make or break a person with his influence)

So she wobbles over on those heels (poor thing, how did she survive the Reflekta episode honestly) and is like "Good evening" *trying not to sound bored out of her mind/in a very bad mood*

Henri's like *snooty rich person voice* "Oh hello there Miss Kubdel, I didn't even realize you were here today because you're so ridiculously tiny even in your heels, which btw I am glad to see you wearing bc you finally look respectable for once"

She's like *clenches fist* "what's that supposed to mean" and he's like "well usually you're a complete mess and it's so unprofessional and lower class, but I'm glad to see you've finally outgrown your stupid childish tomboy phase and are actually behaving yourself for once, I hope you've put your rollerskating and aggressiveness behind you for good"

She's like "excuse me? What the hell is wrong with rollerskating or being a tomboy like how is that childish???" and he's like "well you're a girl so you should act like one" and Alix is like *trying so hard not to just punch him bc she's already had a bad day and her patience is ending* "so you think it's better for me to force myself to be whatever your idea of a girl is, rather than just being myself?"

He's like "ugh you may be wearing a dress but it sounds like you haven't changed at all, you shouldn't be talking back to me with that tone of voice young lady, you have a lot to learn about the world"

She's at the end of her tether but remembers her dad told her not to make a scene so she's like "scuse me gotta go" and hecks off to some empty corridor somewhere

She's had such a bad day and hates that everyone's always trying to get her to be someone she's not for no relevant reason at all and she's feeling restricted etc (and okay also she's 15 so her mood may not quite be on balance) so she starts crying angry tears a lil bit

She storms into one of the side rooms and suddenly runs head first into Chat Noir of all people

He's all like "omg Alix is that you??? Whoa you look-" and she's all like "I KNOW I LOOK GREAT I DON'T CARE JUST BE QUIET" and he's like "k k sorry... um... what's wrong? Are you crying?"

She's like "who cares, you won't understand" and he's like "lemme guess, events like this are stifling and boring as heck? And you gotta try so hard to fit in and be the Perfect Child and make your family proud and it's stressful and you can't be yourself? Is it something like that? Cause I know how it feels..."

She nods and starts crying into his chest (height difference amirite) in a semi-hug and he's internally like "frick she's cute" and externally like "well it's okay, you can talk to me about it if you want..."

She's about to say something but suddenly remembers that one time she killed him and feels really guilty so she just wipes her eyes and says "nah it's okay I'm fine now, anyway I should probably get back soon, maybe I'll get told off less that way... anyway what are you even doing here?"

He's like "well I was messing around with my baton and I seem to have accidentally unlocked a new setting thing and it's some kind of tracker? Idk it was leading me to this location so I decided to see what it was"

He pulls out his baton and presses some buttons and then he frowns like "huh that's weird... the thing the baton is tracking is in this very room but like... this is just an office, what could possibly be in here that's connected to my miraculous"

Alix takes the watch out of her pocket and opens it and it's glowing super brightly now so she's like "omg do you think it was tracking my watch? Bc this thing is behaving very weirdly this evening and idk why"

Chat's like "omg yeah it's the watch, that's really weird, I wonder why that's happening? Maybe I'll ask Plagg about it..." and Alix is like "who's Plagg?" and Chat's like "...nvm it's a long story"

Alix is like "well I should probably go back now but let me know if you find out anything important about my watch k" and she puts it back in her pocket and leaves quickly

When she gets back to the main room her dad's about to tell her off again for ditching again but he sees her red eyes so he's like "k fine just go to the snack table and eat lots of chocolate if you want, tho don't blame me if you get loads of spots" so she spends the rest of the evening binge-eating chocolate and feeling rather confused about the watch and also rather sorry for herself while also feeling guilty about feeling sorry for herself

(Hoo boy that's just gonna get worse...)

I mean we're not even up to the aro bits)

(And holy heck don't even get me started on the ace bits)

(my poor daughter has a very long way to go... earn your happy ending indeed... poor kid...)

When they get home that night her dad's like "are you okay" and she's like *already feeling guilty about literally everything she has ever done in her life ever even though she's perfect and has never done anything wrong* "I'm fine dw, I'm rly tired now goodnight" and goes straight to bed

The next day the family gets an invite to the Agreste mansion next weekend for a posh event thing bc of some new clothing line and they're like "huh how did that happen... probs bc Adrien is in your class???"

And the dad's like "Alix you don't have to go to this one if you don't want to" and she's like "thank you thank you thank you!!!" and then goes off rollerskating or something idk

On Monday at school Marinette's screeching like a fricking pterodactyl waving her phone around like "OMG ALIX YOU LOOKED SO STUNNING IN THAT DRESS OF MINE YOU WORE OMG AAAAAAAAA WHO KNEW YOU WERE THAT PRETTY YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO GAY I'M GONNA CRY EVERYONE LOOK AT THESE PICTURES"

Poor Alix is sinking into her seat like "kill me" while everyone's looking at the pictures like "ahhhh I never knew you were so gorgeous??? Why don't you put more effort into your appearance usually???"

Marinette's all like "Kim what do you think" and he's like "pffffft I totally definitely don't think she's cute or anything bc she's definitely not cute" and Marinette's like *shove* "oh come on admit she looked amazing" and Kim's like *blushing* "fine, if you say so!"

And then Marinette's like *stuttering* "h-hey Adrien, w-what do you think of the d-dress I made, did she l-look pretty in it?"

Adrien, being Chat Noir, already knows Alix was totally uncomfortable in that dress so he's like "well the dress is beautiful Marinette and you're really talented but like... she doesn't need a dress to look great? She looks fine how she is? Idk I like her normal aesthetic I think it suits her and she can dress how she wants"

Alix is internally like "oh thank god one person gets it at least, bless Adrien Agreste he's the only kid in this class I don't hate right now"

So later on she goes and finds him in the library like "thank you for appreciating my normal self" and he's like "oh no problem! I mean I totally get it... my father's always making me model his clothing line for him and people are always praising it but I don't feel like it's the real me"

She's like "omg that's exactly it! I literally only went to that thing bc I was forced to and I didn't even know Marinette was making that dress for me until it was already done so I had to wear it and I just hated every second of it, so to have people telling me I should be like that more often just feels awful"

 Adrien's like "ikr #richpeopleproblems... and this Sunday is the gala at my house and it's gonna suck bc the only person there I know is Chloé and you know what she's like... and I'll just have to be my dad's puppet the whole time... I mean I persuaded him to invite your family too and he did bc you're rich but like... I know you hate stuff like that so you probably won't go..."

Alix can tell he's trying to get her to feel sorry enough for him that she'll agree to come along but she just says "well yeah sorry I'm busy on Sunday, anyway I gotta go" and leaves

When she gets home she sees that there are like 5 new dresses in her room and apparently they're gifts from the Gabriel fashion line so that she can promote them whenever she goes to any museum events in the future or whatever and she realizes that's why Adrien's father agreed to inviting her family to the thing, it was all for business

And she's super annoyed bc DRESSES ARE SO IMPRACTICAL WHEN YOU WANNA SIT LIKE A COWBOY OR GO ROLLERSKATING OR CLIMBING TREES OR DOING ANYTHING EVER

That night she's supposed to be asleep but is probably playing 3DS Smash Bros or something when there's a tap on her window

She looks outside to see Chat Noir there and she opens it like "it's like 11PM wth are you doing here" and he's like "I really need to talk to you about your watch and I can't let anyone see or hear, can we go up to the roof of your house and you bring your watch"

She's like "I'm in my pyjamas" and he's like "that's literally an oversized tshirt and shorts" and she's like "well it's comfortable okay! But fine k tell me whatever it is" so she takes the watch and he uses his baton to take her to the roof

Then he's like "k well as you know I'm a magical superhero and I get my powers from this ring, well my kwami is the one who gives my ring the power to turn me into Chat Noir - basically a tiny little god that looks like a lil flying cat, his name is Plagg and he eats too much cheese. Well he thinks he has some details on your watch and why it's connected to my baton but he has to have a look at it to be sure. And to do that I'm gonna have to detransform and show you my civilian self. But you have to promise to keep it a secret bc I'm not really supposed to tell anyone (but I trust you...)"

She's like "uh okay sure"

Chat's like "Plagg, detransform me" and then he turns back into Adrien

 Alix is like "omg ADRIEN???????????" and he's like "haha yup it's me..." and she's like "but you're... you're in my class how could you possibly be Chat Noir??????" and he's like "well I've never been akumatized and I'm never around during akuma attacks and I'm always turning up late to class and..."

She's like "ok... whoa.... well um... that was very unexpected... wait a second, is that why you were being so nice to me at school today? Bc you saw me at the Louvre on Friday and you knew how upset I was??" and he's like "kinda... I mean I probably would have guessed you were upset about it anyway bc I do know how it feels..."

Then Plagg darts out of Adrien's shirt-jacket thing like "can I either get a look at that watch now or gimme cheese either is fine" and Alix is like "omg is this the kwami thing you were talking about? Omg this is hella rad actually"

She opens the watch and Plagg has a close look at it, then he's like "yup that's what I thought, this is Rania's watch" and Alix is like "Rania? Who's Rania? Omg is she one of my ancestors?"

Plagg's like "yeah probably. Basically Rania was a previous owner of the cat miraculous - a Chat Noire in the late 19th and early 20th century. She was the youngest kid in a huge watchmaking family and wasn't set to inherit anything at all so she raised a storm about it and then when she turned 15 her father gave her this watch he made specially for her. Since she had a pretty active lifestyle for a young lady back then she did a bit of tinkering and linked this watch up to the baton so that she always had a way of tracking it down in case she lost it."

Alix is like "aaaahhh omg that's so cool??? My ancestor was an actual Chat Noire??? And my own classmate is the current Chat Noir??? Okay I was having a bad week but I think you just changed that bc this is so fricking awesome holy moly thank you"

Plagg's like "k can I have cheese now" and Adrien's like "fine" *gives him Camembert* (I love Camembert too btw it tastes so flipping good)

Then Alix is like "wait but Adrien doesn't your schedule keep you hella busy all the time? How do you have time for saving Paris too??" and he's like "idk honestly, it's a nightmare sometimes... at least being Chat Noir is fun and I get to hang out with Ladybug a lot so that makes it worth it"

Alix is like "you know what... I'll go to your gala thing on Sunday" and Adrien's like "srsly you don't have to if you don't want to!" and she's like "I'm not just leaving you to the mercy of Chloé on what should be your day off when you're always having to deal with akumas she causes all the time, I'm gonna go and that's final" and he's like "thank"

Then she's like *looking at watch* "I guess the youngest child rule makes sense now, if Rania was the first to get the watch and she was salty about being the youngest and not inheriting anything..."

Plagg's like *stops suddenly in the middle of eating cheese* "what youngest child rule?" and Alix is like "the rule that the watch passes to the youngest child on their 15th birthday"

Plagg's like "huh I don't remember that being a rule... I mean it was a long time ago but I THINK Rania gave the watch to Leila... her OLDEST child..." and Alix is like "that can't be right bc my dad told me that..." *suddenly remembers her dad seems to think Jalil's an idiot* "wait... are you SURE she gave the watch to her oldest child"

Plagg's like "nah I'm not sure and I was put in stasis not long after that but I think she did, anyway there'll be some record of it somewhere bc she used to keep a diary, and if your family is as historical as Adrien says it is then maybe they'll still have her diaries somewhere"

Alix is like "well Jalil's the person I'll have to ask about that... thank you anyway... I should probably actually get to sleep now but uh good luck with the superhero stuff and I'll see you at school tomorrow"

 Adrien transforms back into Chat Noir and puts her back in her room and then leaves

The next morning before school she's like "Jalil can you pls help me out with something?" and he's like "I would love to but I have a project due at the end of this week and I'm already behind, I haven't slept all night and I'm on my 6th cup of coffee so uh can this wait til next week" and she's like "sure omg get some sleep you nerd"

She also tells her dad she'll go to the gala on Sunday and he's like "what brought about this sudden change of heart?" and she's like "well my friend Adrien's gonna be there so..." and he's like "ohhhh I see, well, if you like him then..." and she's like "NO NOT LIKE THAT" *the aro ace-ness begins*

Anyway at school that week she's usually never really had friends and mostly kept herself to herself but she finds herself hanging out with Adrien a lot bc obviously she knows his secret now so they just kinda end up friends automatically (BROTP AMIRITE)

And Adrien is glad for someone he can confide in about superhero stuff (bc as much as Nino is A PURE AND AMAZING CINNAMON ROLL WHO IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, he doesn't know his pal is Chat Noir) but he's also remembering her standing on the roof barefoot in her "pyjamas" with her messy hair and arms crossed and that smirk on her face and he can't stop thinking about it bc he's a sap

 And he tries to just convince himself he's just intrigued to find out more about her family drama about the watch and whether the youngest child rule is true or not... yeah it's totally that, definitely not anything else, and the fact that he really really likes hanging out with her now has absolutely nothing to do with it

He's even tempted to go visit her again as Chat Noir in the night but he doesn't do that bc he knows it would be weird (this ain't no Marichat fic okay) (well alright Adrienette does happen later but like... on the side)

On Friday Chloé practically drapes herself over his desk like "Adri-chouuuuuu, I can't wait for Sunday it's gonna be so fun, just the two of us amirite" and he's like "well actually the Kubdels are invited too so Alix will be there" and Chloé's like "........" *undrapes herself and then whispers in his ear* "Adrien, remember it's not too long now until your 16th birthday... only a few months... you have a decision to make... and yes I know about it..."

And he's like suddenly drenched in cold sweat and nervous for the rest of the day and no one knows why except Chloé, and he's just thinking "HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE THING WHICH I HAVE TO DECIDE BY MY 16TH BIRTHDAY OMG"

 And meanwhile Chloé's internally like "well if everything goes according to plan then no one will ever find out I'm a lesbian, perfect"

(She's my problematic lesbian daughter and I love her)

Sunday arrives and the dad's like "Jalil you can stay at home bc you've had like 5 total hours of sleep this week, and Alix you should wear one of the dresses that was specifically sent for you, and if you don't want to then of course you could just not go"

And she's very seriously contemplating not going but she promised Adrien she would so she just puts on the least flashy dress and the smallest possible heels and then they go to the Agreste mansion

Chloé was already there and like clinging onto Adrien's arm but as soon as he sees Alix he pushes Chloé off and goes to say hi

He's immediately like "omg Alix do you want me to show you round my house bc you've only ever seen the dining room (that one time at Christmas)" and she's like k and her dad's like "that's a good idea but don't take too long"

Gabriel's like "Adrien you can just stay here we have people to show the guests round if they really want to see anything" and Adrien's like "that would be weird bc Alix is my classmate, it's fine I'll do it myself" so he takes her upstairs to show her his room

Also Chloé's like *raises eyebrow* *goes and stands outside the door of his room with a glass of juice waiting*

Anyway Alix is immediately like "dude wth you have a skate ramp in your room omg I would kill a person for one of those and omg a rock climbing wall I would kill 2 maybe 3 people for one of those and if I wasn't wearing a dress I would have already climbed it"

Adrien's like "haha yeah those are pretty fun... anyway if you really wanna see the house I'll show you but honestly that was just an excuse for us to get away from Chloé and all the boringness so we can hang out without anyone bothering us or having to pretend to be stuck up rich people"

Alix is like "ahh omg that was a good plan thank you... though I probably shouldn't stay here too long bc my dad gets annoyed when I goof off too much bc I do it all the time and I'm apparently supposed to start trying to behave like a responsible adult now"

And they talk for a while more about #richkidproblems but then they hear Nathalie knocking on the door like "Adrien??? Are you there???"

Adrien's like *whispering* "frick if she finds out I've just been slacking in here the whole time I'm gonna be in so much trouble, quick hide before she comes in" and he pulls her into The Ladrien Bathroom (yeah I call it that... for obvious reasons...) and shuts the door just as Nathalie opens the bedroom door to look inside

Those two hide behind the shower section (lol I'm laughing bc... remember the Shower Scene in Jackady... jeez Ladybug control ur thirst) in the corner against the wall completely silent

Nathalie opens the bathroom door to look but doesn't see anyone so she closes it and goes away again

Anyway bc they're super close to each other and there is a pretty adorable height difference Adrien's internally like "FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK" and probably blushing too and his brain is screaming at him to move closer to her while also telling him not to and basically Adrien.exe has stopped working

And then she's like "uh... dude... are you gonna like... move or what..." *being obliviously aro ace like the darling she is* and Adrien.exe is still not responding so she just kinda awkwardly shoves him off her like "are you okay?"

He's like ".............uh-huh" and she's like "well you look like you've just eaten a chili or something" and he's like "nah it's just... is it me or is it hot in here?... hehe..."

She's like *still aro ace as heck like always* "it's just you. Anyway did you want anything else or should we head back now? I mean I've already been here long enough that I'm probably in trouble so..." and he's like "okay yeah let's head back..."

And internally he's realizing he's fallen for her and is highkey freaking out

They open the bathroom door to see Chloé standing there in the bedroom with an empty glass of juice and smirking evilly

She's like "well well well what do we have here..." and Adrien's like "I was totally just showing her round the house" and Chloé's like "that's funny bc I've been waiting outside your bedroom door since the second you went in, and you never left... must be really taking your time..."

Adrien's like "fine we were just bored okay? So we were hanging out in here instead... it's not a big deal... don't tell my dad..."

Chloé's like "oh don't worry I won't tell your dad you came in here bc you were bored... I think it'll be much more interesting if I tell both your parents - and everyone else while I'm at it - that you two are a couple, since I'm sure it's true anyway, ohohohohoho" *evil rich lady laugh* (I think it's called the noblewoman's laugh or something) and she runs off quickly

Adrien's like "welp I'm dead... are you dead???" and Alix is like "I think I'm partially dead... like I'm gonna be in so much trouble for messing around but then again my dad already thinks I was here just to hit on you... which I wasn't, btw, so don't worry" and Adrien's heart sinks just a tad

He's like "well my father was highkey hoping I would end up with Chloé, and I don't think he'd approve of me goofing off, and I just... yeah I'm definitely dead... idk how I'm gonna convince him Chloé's lying... well let's just get this over with..."

They go back to the atrium place or wherever and Gabriel's immediately like "Adrien can I talk to you" so he's like @himself "RIP Adrien" and goes off to talk to his father

And then Alix goes to her dad like "whatever Chloé told you was a lie okay you know what she's like" and her dad's like "hey it's okay if you're with Adrien, I was thinking it's about time you had a boyfriend I mean you'll be 16 soon right? But this is not the time nor the place to-" and she's like "Adrien is not my boyfriend omg!! He's just my friend! Chloé made that up bc she's a liar who likes messing with people's lives!"

Her dad's like "Fine I'll believe you but honestly if there's someone you like you can tell me, I'm not gonna be annoyed, but also stop going and hiding at the social events okay I know you hate it but if you want to hang out with your friend then just do it some other time" and she's like "k I'm sorry"

Meanwhile Adrien's talking to his dad and thinking "I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die..."

He first quickly says "Father I don't know exactly what Chloé told you but she might have been mistaken about..." and Gabriel's like "It doesn't matter what Chloé told me. Next time during one of these events you are staying by my side and are not allowed away without either Nathalie or your bodyguard accompanying you."

Adrien's like *le sigh* "yes father"

Then Gabriel's like "However... your 16th birthday is only a few months away. If you have not made a decision by the summer holidays then you know that Chloé Bourgeois will become the default choice. But... if you are wishing to explore other options before then, I will not be opposed to it. You know the guidelines."

Adrien's like *breaks out in a cold sweat again bc he was reminded of the thing* "yes, I see, thank you father..."

Gabriel's like "now let's get back to the gala, and this time you stay by my side. If you wish to talk to your friend... or girlfriend, if that's how it is... then you will do it in my presence until the event is over."

Adrien's like "well she's not my girlfriend but okay..." and they go back to the main room thing

Anyway Alix doesn't bother talking to him again for the rest of the thing except waving at him when she leaves later

When she gets home and into comfortable clothes she checks her phone and it's blown up with messages bc frickin Chloé really did tell everyone and they're all like "OMG IS THIS TRUE???" and Alix has to reply to a million people like "NO IT'S NOT TRUE CHLOÉ WAS JUST BEING A LYING JERK AS ALWAYS OKAY" and she doesn't even know if anyone believes her and she is NOT looking forward to school tomorrow

And sure enough the next day at school everyone keeps asking her about it and she's like "CHLOÉ'S A LIAR EVERYONE KNOWS THIS I MEAN OKAY SHE DOESN'T LIE AS MUCH AS LILA BUT STILL" and eventually most people believe her bc she's kinda scary lol

Adrien keeps sorta avoiding her bc he's trying super hard to not be crushing on her and she's like "????" about it and wondering why her friend won't talk to her today

She also starts feeling bad bc she knows she's bad at making friends so she wonders if she's done something wrong

At the end of the day he leaves the locker room super fast (even Nino's like "wut") and Alix gathers her stuff and quickly runs after him like "Adrien wait where are you going???" but when she gets to the street outside his limo is already leaving

She turns around and walks straight into Kim who's like "so tell me again how you and Adrien aren't a couple"

She's like "we're not, he's just my friend okay" and Kim's like "oh come on don't think I haven't noticed you two hanging out with each other all the time lately and always talking to each other, and you even went to his thing on the weekend with him even though you hate stuff like that, and now he's not talking to you for some reason"

Alix is like "yh idk why he's not talking to me but seriously he's just my friend okay!" and Kim's like "do you seriously actually promise he's just your friend and that you're not into him" and Alix is like *grabs the front of his hoodie and pulls him down to her level to yell at him and not noticing he's blushing* "yes for frick's sake that's what I told you, and anyway whether or not it's true, what does it mean to you? It's nothing to do with you so why do you even care so much??"

Kim is an idiot and just kisses her and then says "cause I like you" and runs off, meanwhile Alix is in shock and wondering whether or not she is justified in murdering him

Then on her way home she starts thinking about it like (yes finally here is where it starts getting obvious she's aro ace) she's thinking it's actually kinda flattering that Kim likes her? And she thinks that maybe if she dates him then she might end up liking him since that's what happens right? And he's considered conventionally hot right?

When she's at home she gets a phone call from him and he's like "aack I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that I'm an idiot and can we just pretend that never happened" and she's like "whatever it's no big deal just ask me next time k"

He's like "...next time?" and she's like "well since you said you like me I'm assuming that means you probably wanna kiss me again right?" (Internally "that's a normal people thing right?") and he's like "omg well... I mean... I don't really mind but like... I guess if you're okay with it then like... idk you could be my girlfriend or something idk just saying..."

She's like "sure why not" and he's like "omg really? I didn't actually expect you to say yes omg well okay should I like take you out to dinner or something?" and she's like "k sure"

When she gets back from dinner her father's back from work like "where were you" and she tells him and he immediately becomes #1 heartrate stan

Also she checks her phone and sees that Chloé has already told everyone that Alix and Kim are a couple bc she saw them kiss (bc it was like... out in the road it wasn't exactly easy to miss...) and this time she's like @everyone "yes Chloé's actually telling the truth this time lol"

And she tells Jalil about needing to find Rania's diaries and he says that all their old family items are in storage in the museum and he has the next two weeks off so he'll look for them once he gets back to work and Alix is like fine but she's impatient bc she cares more about finding out about that watch than anything else

The next day Chat Noir and Ladybug are patrolling at night and she's like "kitty you seem kinda off today, what's up"

Chat's like "oh it's nothing much, it's just this girl I like got with someone else, dw I'll get over it" and Ladybug's like *flirtily* "I thought you liked me" and he's like "yeah of course lol" and he remembers how much he does love Ladybug

He feels conflicted bc he knows he can never be with her bc of the Decision but he wishes he could at least have a chance

Since he isn't doing that great Ladybug tells him to go home early and she'll carry on by herself tonight

So he leaves and he detransforms into Adrien and he's walking back home when Ladybug drops down in front of him upside-down and is like *blushing* "h-hi Adrien what's up"

He (being oblivious and not realizing this is literally how Marinette talks to him) is like "lol nothing much haha..." and wonders why she treats him differently to how she treats Chat Noir

She asks if he needs her to accompany him home or something bc it's quite late and dark and he shouldn't be out alone and he's like "nah it's okay but thanks, I love you" and then he CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT IT JUST SLIPPED OUT BC HE WAS TIRED

AND LADYBUG IS TAKEN ABACK

AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER WITH THEIR FACES SUPER CLOSE

AND THEN LADRIEN SPIDERMAN KISS HELL YEAH

AND THEN LADYBUG'S LIKE "I LOVE YOU TOO" AND LEAVES

Meanwhile the next few weeks Alix is still wondering why Adrien won't talk to her that much but she tries to just forget about it

And she's always confused about why Kim wants to spend so much time with her??? Like yes they're dating but like doesn't he have a life of his own??? And no one else seems to think it's weird???

And she has a habit of zoning out when he's talking about mushy stuff and he eventually catches on (he was like "since you're so ridiculously smol you'd have to like stand on a chair to make out it'd be hilarious...") and says "you're not listening are you?" and she's like "yh of course I was!... okay fine I was thinking about my watch sorry"

And now you finally see her proper (very aro ace) internal thoughts about stuff - she's still confused bc she's just never been interested in people like everyone else? And she used to think maybe she was a lesbian but she had never been interested in girls either? And since she's 15 her hormones should be all over the place and they are but only in a mood swing way and not in a horny way? So she's thinking... why can't she fall in love like everyone else does?? Is she missing out on something?? Bc Kim seems to be happy...

Also at some point mention that she tells Kim her first kiss wasn't actually him (it was Juleka but she doesn't say bc she doesn't want to out her) and Kim is annoyed bc he was sure it would have been him lol

After some weeks Jalil gets back to work experience at the museum and he finds Rania's diaries but there's a heck ton to sort through so he says it might still take some time (basically I just need a buffer period... there needs to be time...)

And then on Friday afternoon he tells Alix to come to the museum after school bc he's found the relevant part of the diaries so she comes along (and so does Kim bc he's just kinda there lol)

Meanwhile their dad's in a meeting so they can look at it without him knowing

Basically it says that yes Rania gave the watch to Leila who was her oldest child, but that's because she wanted to make something special by herself for her younger daughter Anna so she made a cool engraved pen thing and decided she would give that to Anna on her 15th birthday instead

Also there's an old timey photograph of the pen and it looks really familiar for some reason

Anyway now Alix knows the youngest child rule is fake so she feels like she should confront her dad about it or at least ask him or whatever

Jalil's staying late at the museum today bc he has to catch up on the work he missed while he was looking for Rania's diaries so Alix takes Kim back to her house and she has like 2 hours to kill before her dad gets back

And she wants to do something cool like rollerskating but Kim suggests making out and she's like fine even though she finds it pretty boring (I told you she's aro ace)

Anyway when her dad gets back Kim leaves like "btw you can come over to mine later today if you want ;)"

Then Alix is like @her dad "can I ask you about something" and he's like "sure but why are you standing on a chair" and she's like "NO REASON" and quickly steps down

Then she's like "why did you give the watch to me instead of Jalil?" and he's like "bc it's passed down to the youngest child" and she's like "...but that's not true, is it..."

He's like "k fine but like... Jalil will probably inherit stuff anyway right? So why not give you something too?" and she's like "but he loves historical stuff, he would have loved the watch just as much as I do and would have had more to research with it"

He's like "well... I just thought... since the watch has to be passed down through the family, that... well... you would be more likely to actually have kids to pass it onto... because..."

She's just like "is this because Jalil is gay?" and her dad's like "wth how do you know???" and she's like "he told me when I was like 9... So you're saying you didn't give him the watch bc he's gay so he won't have kids... and what makes you so sure I'm not gay too??"

He's like "well I just took a chance that you wouldn't be and I was right bc you have a boyfriend! So yeah I'm relieved, the bloodline is unbroken and the watch can still be passed down for generations"

She's like "dad... are you disappointed in Jalil" and the dad's like *FRICKIN HESITATES FOR A SECOND* "no of course not"

Alix is like "........ I'm going to Kim's house" and her dad's like "k well don't get back too late, call Jalil to pick you up if you need a lift back bc I have to go for another meeting tonight also be responsible and have fun etc"

As she's on the way to Kim's house she's starting to feel ever so slightly broken bc she knows she's not straight and she doesn't love Kim but she doesn't know what she is or why she can't feel anything

And now that there's more pressure than ever on her to be straight so she can have kids to pass the watch onto since that was enough of a reason for her dad to not give the watch to Jalil... she hadn't even realized it was such a big deal and she feels guilty even though it's not her fault

She also knows her dad's probably somewhat disappointed in her already bc she's so temperamental and reckless etc and not really what you'd expect from a daughter and yet he still trusted her with the watch and she feels like she should at least manage to do something to make him proud since she feels like she's just an ungrateful burden who has never really done anything

So she decides she's gonna try her hardest to be straight now even though like the idea of doing stuff like getting married and having kids actually suffocates her

She gets to Kim's house and tells him what happened with the watch drama and then says she'd rather forget about it for now so why don't they like put on a movie or something (bc that way she doesn't have to put any effort into pretending to be romantic)

So Kim's like "k yeah I've got netflix so like... we could put on netflix ... and... yknow... chill..."

(this is why I wanted like 5 weeks inbetween bc he's not gonna just ask something like that after only 2 weeks no matter how much of a reckless idiot he is)

And Alix catches the euphemism and her first thought is "THAT'S GROSS EW" but then she remembers her earlier promise to herself and figures that if other people want to do it and think it's fun then surely there must be some appeal? And maybe it'll flip a switch and make her normal? So she's like "yeah sure"

But then afterwards she goes to the bathroom and throws up so like ... uh... yeah, poor aro ace child who is also sex-repulsed

She vows never to do that again in her life

And then Kim's like "you okay?" and she's like "yup gotta go" and he's like "but it's a hailstorm outside you could always wait til like after dinner or something" and she's like "NOPE I'M LEAVING" and gets outta there asap

Walking through the hail she knows she should probably call Jalil to pick her up but she doesn't feel like talking to anyone so she just trudges along feeling VERY broken and VERY sorry for herself

She knows it didn't fix her and if anything it just made her more averse to the idea of ever being with anyone and she can't figure out why she's so heartless and prudish and she just highkey wants to die bc she feels like she'll never live up to anything she's supposed to be

Ladybug suddenly sees her like "omg Alix what are you doing in this hailstorm?? You should get to shelter!" and Alix is like "idc..."

Ladybug uses her yoyo to make a shield to block the hail like an umbrella and asks "yo what's wrong" and Alix is like "I did something really stupid and I regret it and I really hate myself right now" and Ladybug's like "aw it's okay, here, I'll take you home" and she picks her up and yoyos her back to her house

Alix goes in and Jalil sees her there drenched and shivering and he's like "omg Alix you could have asked me to pick you up??" and she just starts crying so he wraps her in a warm towel and makes soup for her

He's like "what happened?" and she's like "I don't wanna talk about it"

He's like "did Kim break up with you or something?" and she's like "no nothing like that he did nothing wrong it's something else but seriously I don't wanna talk about it, just let it go" and instead she tells him about the real reason their dad didn't give the watch to him

Jalil's like "k that makes sense thanks for telling me..."

The whole of the next day Alix spends in her room being emo and ignoring any messages Kim sends her bc she doesn't want to think about anything even though she knows she probably should talk to him at least once

Then on Sunday Max calls her up like "oi why are you ignoring Kim omg just go talk to him!!" and she's like "k fine... I was totally just busy haha... yeah... busy..." and Max is like "he went out for a run to that padlock bridge place so why don't you just go meet him there" so Alix is like k and skates there

Kim sees her and he's like "omg there you are! Are you okay??" and she's like (lying) "yeah I'm fine dw I was just busy and stuff"

He's like "k I'm glad to hear that... anyway uh actually I was gonna say that like... honestly it seems like you're always bored or not interested and stuff so like idk maybe we should just be friends instead if that makes you happier bc seriously you just seem like you're not interested in me so..."

She's like *remembers her dad is #1 heartrate stan* "wait what no! Haha of course I'm totally like head over heels for you... definitely..." and he's like "you're not a very good liar"

She's like "okay fine... fine I don't like you like that, I think you're cool but I'd rather be your friend... it's just..." *deep breath bc she's never told anyone before* "I figured out lately that I'm not exactly... straight... and idk what I am but like... I thought maybe dating you would kinda... idk... fix it? And bc I also found out that thing I told you about the watch, so if I'm not straight then I'll let my family down... and I'm sorry for like... using you I guess? Idk... I'm just really confused right now about myself..."

Kim hugs her and he's like "It's okay dw, I'll support you no matter what and we can still be great friends okay? In fact tbh I'm... I'm actually bisexual but I've only ever told Max... but yeah you're awesome and if you ever need anything then just ask me okay" and she's like "thanks, yeah let's just be friends that's better"

(lol you can tell this is my brotp can't you)

Anyway when Alix tells her dad she broke up with Kim he's like "but heartrate is my otp..." lol

And yeah next week at school everyone finds out idk it doesn't matter that much tbh

Then at some point Adrien is called to talk to his father about something important and he's thinking "ack what have I done now..."

Gabriel's like "son it's not long til your 16th birthday and we have to start making preparations for stuff which means I need you to make your decision soon. As you know it's family tradition that sons must be betrothed to someone by their 16th birthday, and since our family is wealthy you would do well to choose another wealthy suitor which is why the default choice has been Chloé Bourgeois since you were a young child. Now in order to make proper preparations you will need to make your final decision by the end of the school year."

Adrien's internally like "why can't we have cool family traditions like passing down a frickin hologram watch..." and externally like "but I don't want to marry Chloé, please father just let me have more time" and Gabriel's like "sorry son but there is nothing I can do, this is what your mother would have wanted"

Adrien knows he hasn't talked to his friend in a while but he suddenly remembers that she's single now so he's like "wait father... you said it has to be someone wealthy right? Would Alix Kubdel count?" and Gabriel's like "yes but she and her family must agree to it"

So Adrien decides he'll ask her bc he kinda still likes her and it's better than Chloé

Mostly he wishes he knew who Ladybug was and that she was rich and loved him back so he could just marry her

Meanwhile Kim asked out Max and they got together (bc kimax is life and also this story was seeming a little too straight for my liking so far... despite the title...) and Alix is starting to feel lonely again bc now she feels like a third wheel when hanging out with them so she doesn't

And she's back to having no real friends and it kinda hurts bc she thinks maybe she's just doomed to be bad at dealing with people in general

Also she's still feeling like something is very, very wrong with her since she just CAN'T fall in love with anyone even though everyone else seems to and now even when she makes new friends they leave her and she just feels alone and unhappy and doesn't know what to do

Jalil brought Rania's diaries home so she starts reading through them and at least it's some consolation for her to discover that Rania was very similar to her - fiery, impulsive, sporty, etc

But she still feels broken bc she knows that at least Rania got married and had kids so at least she must have been normal...

K so on some weekend or something Adrien calls up Alix like "uh can we meet up? I need to talk to you about something" and she's like "yeah sure" *glad that her old friend is back*

They go for a walk and stop by at Marinette's bakery for snacks (#letadrieneat2k16) (2k17??) and Marinette's all like stuttering and blushing and dropping stuff bc ADRIEN EEP

And then they go hang out in the park or something

Alix is like "it's weird how Marinette's always like that around you but no one else" and Adrien's like "yeah that's been confusing me too, idk why she does that" and Alix is like "maybe Chat Noir should ask her about it, hint hint" and Adrien's like "huh that's a good idea"

Then Adrien's like *deep breath* "okay and also I have to ask you about something... and it's really weird and awkward but um... basically my family has a family tradition too except my one is stupid, it's that the sons have to be betrothed to someone by the time they turn 16, I know it's really old-fashioned and stupid, but my mum wanted me to and I should honour her memory... Anyway my father says it has to be someone from a rich family, and ever since I was little Chloé has been the default choice and I don't really want to get engaged to her for obvious reasons haha... so I need to choose someone else and soon... so I was thinking... um..."

Alix is like "you want me to help you find a cute rich girl before you turn 16? Sure" (god she's so aro ace I'm going to cry)

Adrien's like "well actually... to tell the truth I've kinda liked you for a while... and you're rich... and I asked my father and he's fine with it... so I was wondering... if I could choose you instead?"

And it takes like 10 seconds to sink in and she's like "wait are you basically asking me to marry you?" and he's like "...well yeah I guess"

She suddenly feels incredibly guilty bc she knows if she says no then that'll doom Adrien to a life with Chloé but she CAN'T say yes bc the idea of being with someone like that for the rest of her life makes her feel sick to her stomach and she doesn't know if that makes her selfish but she's also upset bc she thought her friend was properly back but he just wanted to talk to her about this and it's ruined everything

And she knows saying yes would be what she'd do if she was perfect etc bc that would make Adrien and his family happy and her own family would be happy but she JUST CAN'T BECAUSE IT MAKES HER WANT TO KILL HERSELF

Adrien's like "btw you don't have to decide now I've still got like 2 weeks" but she says "I'm sorry Adrien BUT I JUST CAN'T OKAY, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A FRIEND, I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL" and leaves and goes back home and locks herself in her room and has a breakdown

Later Adrien's wishing he wasn't rich and he wishes his mother was still here and he wishes life was easier for him etc

He remembers Alix's suggestion about going to see Marinette as Chat Noir so even though it's late night now he transforms and goes to see her

(bet you weren't expecting a Marichat balcony scene, huh? Surprise!)

He knocks on the roof thing and Marinette opens it like "omg Chat Noir? What are you doing here? Is an akuma after me or something?"

He's like *surprised bc it's true she treats him differently to Adrien* "no I just wanted to talk to you about something, someone asked me to" so she's like k and they go out on the balcony to have a chat

He's like "so you know Adrien Agreste right? I believe he's a classmate of yours... Anyway he talked to me bc he's worried that he's doing something wrong. You still seem to treat him differently from how you treat everyone else, and he's wondering if you're still upset about the gum incident, or..."

Marinette's like "oh no, nothing like that! I forgave him for that a long time ago! It's actually, well, it's kinda stupid haha... I actually have a MASSIVE crush on him and I'm just really bad at talking to him bc I get flustered around him, that's all!"

Chat Noir's like "omg wait... you have a crush on Adrien??? Really???" and she's like "yeah!!" and he's like *suddenly realizing how cute Marinette is when she laughs* "well... I think you should ask him out..." and she's like "haha I'm trying..."

Then he's like "um I gotta go" and quickly leaves

He's hanging around the rooftops just thinking to himself that he never even let himself consider Marinette as someone to fall in love with bc he always thought maybe she didn't really like him so he always considered her out of his league

And now that he knows she likes him he suddenly can't get her out of his head and he just wishes she was rich bc that would be perfect but since she isn't rich he probably shouldn't get his hopes up bc how could he have a chance with her now...

He bumps into Ladybug who's like "hey kitty kat what's up" and he's immediately like "I just found out that there's this girl who has a crush on my civilian self and I think I'm starting to fall for her so yeah, that's what's up"

And he notices the colour draining from Ladybug's face and he's like "omg are you okay?? What happened??"

She grabs his shoulders and looks him in the eye like "is the girl you're talking about Marinette Dupain-Cheng???" and he's like "yeah how did you know?"

She's like "omg ADRIEN??? IT'S YOU??? YOU'RE CHAT NOIR??????????????" and he's like "wait what?? How did you figure that out?? I mean I am but..." *suddenly dawns on him* "omg... wait... don't tell me that YOU'RE MARINETTE??????????????"

They both stand there staring at each other in complete shock for several long seconds

Finally Chat suddenly smiles and he's like "I'm so glad that out of everyone it could be, it's you... Marinette..."

He detransforms and stands there in front of her as Adrien and she's still staring at him in shock

Then she very softly says "Tikki, detransform me" and turns into Marinette and still stands there staring

Then she jumps forward and wraps him in a huge hug

Also Tikki and Plagg are like "yoooooooooooo I haven't see you in years!!!!!!!" and totally hanging out too

That very night even though it's really late Adrien goes to his father and asks him "please I have something really important to ask... for my decision... what about Marinette Dupain-Cheng?? I know she isn't rich, but... PLEASE consider it..."

Gabriel's like "oh yes of course she'll do, she is an EXCELLENT fashion designer you know, she has a lot of talent and I would be glad to have someone like her to be a part of the family and run the company after me"

Adrien can barely believe his ears and he runs into his room and screams into his pillow bc finally he feels like he actually has a chance to have a good life that isn't always restricted all the time

The next day he meets up with her at the bakery and he gets down on one knee like "will you marry me" and she's like "um ily Adrien but I'm 15 and so are you... I don't even think we CAN legally get married yet..."

He explains the betrothal thing and that he doesn't have much time left but he'll understand if she says no bc it's a lot of pressure but she's like "well of course I say yes but I'll have to ask my parents haha"

She asks them and they talk to Gabriel Agreste and everything gets sorted out and the engagement party is planned for Adrien's birthday

At school they tell everyone while handing out the invitations and Adrien was worried Chloé was gonna be upset but she's like "Adrien I'm so happy you're gonna get to marry someone you really care about!" Then she whispers at him "btw I'm a lesbian so don't worry about having broken my heart or anything hehe" and he's like "whoa... okay... I didn't see that coming..."

Also Alix is like "I thought you said you had to marry someone rich" and he's like "my father made an exception for Marinette bc she's a fashion designer like him" and Alix is like "well I'm super happy for you... and SUPER relieved..."

But she knows now she's probably never getting her friend back properly, ever

Months later at the engagement party all the classmates are there and super happy to support Adrienette becoming canon (same omgggg it's my otp couldn't you tell)

The wedding won't be for years yet at least bc they're way too young lol but Gabriel's already started planning it

And Marinette designed outfits for all her classmates to wear today so they're all wearing those

Poor Alix is in a dress again, save her, anyway she's trying to feel happy but she really can't help feeling rotten bc at this point she has no friends and seeing Adrienette happen just reminds her of how she's not normal or whatever and she can't figure it out

Also by this time other class couples are together too like djwifi and Julerose and everyone's using this occasion as a celebration of romance etc kinda like Valentine's Day except on a different day (idk when Adrien's birthday is but I'm guessing some point later in the year) so that pretty much just makes her feel extra broken bc she can't get away from any of it

She goes to the bar like "gimme an entire bottle of the strongest stuff you have" and the person's like "uh how old are you??" and she's like "... 25" and puts a giant wad of banknotes on the table so the person's like "... okaaaay, here" and gives her a big bottle of something idk

He's like "you should probably dilute it with water though" and she's like "don't tell me what to do" and takes it and starts to walk off

Then Nathaniel sees her and he's like "uh I don't think you should drink that..." and she's like "I don't give a crap" and heads outside by herself

It's dark and quiet out here bc atmosphere lol

Anyway she takes a sip but it tastes disgusting like bleach mixed with rotted grape juice and she's so annoyed she just smashes the entire thing on the ground and then just sits there highkey wanting to die

Nathaniel comes along like "whoa what happened here" and she's like "WHAT DO YOU WANT" and he's like "I just wanna know what's wrong..." and sits down beside her

She's like "fine... it's just I think there's something wrong with me - no actually I KNOW there is, I can just never do anything right, I can't be normal like I'm supposed to and I just keep letting everyone down. My dad already hates that his daughter isn't exactly a Rose-type airy fairy princess and I just never fit in and I'm terrible at doing what I'm told and maybe I'm just being selfish and I should try to change? But I have tried and it doesn't work, I just can't be who I'm supposed to... and... even worse... I'm just completely heartless..." *starts crying* "Everyone around me always seems to be in love with someone all the time and they make it sound so nice and happy and I don't know what I'm missing out on bc I've never felt that way about anyone! And I really have tried but I just can't, it just never works and idk why, maybe I'm just broken or something, there's something wrong with me. I mean I can't even make friends properly and I don't want to be lonely but idk what to do... Something is very, very wrong with me, Nath, and I've tried so hard to fix it but I can't, I just can't do anything right, and I'm a 15 year old I should have liked at least someone by now, my hormones are supposed to be all over the place! But I just don't! I'm a failure! And don't try to tell me I'm not!"

Nath's like "... maybe you're just... aromantic" and she's like "aromantic???" and he's like "yeah, it just means you don't get romantically attracted to people. It's uncommon, sure, but there's nothing wrong with it, being aro just means you're different that's all, and it doesn't mean you can't care about people in other ways"

She's like "... there's a word for that??? Aromantic??? It's a real thing???" and he's like "yeah you should look it up, there's a pride flag for it and everything"

She's like "omg... so there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just... aromantic... omg... wait are you aromantic too?"

He's like "nah I get crushes on people... I am asexual though" and she's like "isn't that a biology thing??" and he's like "yeah but also it means I don't get sexually attracted to people... sounds kinda gross if you ask me though I won't judge anyone for wanting to do it..."

She's like "omg there's a word for that too??? I just thought my hormones were way off whack or something..." and he's like "nah there's nothing wrong with being ace too, or aro ace, if that's what you are, I promise you aren't broken for not wanting romance or sex, you're just different that's all, and there ARE other people like you out there"

She's like "but can you still be ace if you've had sex with someone?" and he's like "yeah of course..." and she's like "omg so this whole time, I thought something was wrong with me, but I was just aro ace... and it's a real thing... whoa... omg thank you so so so much Nath" and she suddenly hugs him

He's like "no problem, it took me a while to come to terms with it too hehe. Anyway I brought you some of the engagement cake, do you want it? Cake is apparently the symbolic ace food" and she's like "omg thanks" and starts eating the cake

And he's like "btw... I get the whole not being able to make friends thing. I can't either. I'm just... idk I'm too shy I guess... I've never really had a close friend before... especially not in this class..." and she's like "well you've just made a new friend, and she's wondering why she never tried to make friends with you before" and he's like "omg ahh really? Thanks"

They sit there eating cake for a while and then Nath's like "I feel like drawing... sorry I draw all the time lol..." and he pulls a sketchpad and pen out of his pocket

Alix sees the pen and she's like "wait a second, that looks really familiar... omg it's Anna's pen??? From that picture I saw in Rania's diary???" and he's like "what?"

She's like "do you have a really old ancestor called Anna by any chance" and he's like "oh idk... I think when I was younger I remember going to the funeral of my great-grandma Anna..." and she's like "where did you get that pen from??" and he's like "it was a birthday present from my dad when I turned 15, apparently it's an antique, my grandad used to own it too but it somehow still works"

She's like "omg I found the other descendant of Rania??? This is SO COOL! Omg dude we are really distantly related!!!" and she explains and shows him the watch

He's like "omg what are the odds of that?? That's awesome!!"

And yeah for the first time in a while, she actually feels pretty good

It's an unspecified amount of time later and she's on the roof again with Adrien and Plagg

Adrien's like "so you're aro ace... I'm really happy for you that you know now"

Plagg's like "I didn't know the term existed but I can tell you with complete certainty that Rania was aro ace too, she hated stuff like that"

Alix is like "I know, I've finished reading her diaries now. She got married to her friend bc she was expected to but she refused to let it go anything beyond friendship, and then when there was pressure to have kids she adopted Leila and Anna, saying that there were too many poor orphans in the world who need taking care of to have more kids. Which means that I'm not even biologically descended from Rania, which means that my dad's point about the watch having to stay in the bloodline is completely null and he could totally have given the watch to Jalil. But anyway I don't care what my dad says, in the future I'll give it to some cool kid on their 15th birthday - maybe yours and Marinette's, if you ever have kids lol"

Adrien's like "we probably will... She's so awesome I love her so much... I don't know how I never realized it before, Marinette's just absolute perfection, she's so sweet and wonderful and pretty and just everything I ever wanted..."

He goes on and on being all lovey dovey and Alix just grins and grabs a bit of Camembert and mutters "I'm too aro ace for this"

[isakthesnake]

so I was tagged in this by @smolsonisak (<333333) like a week ago and I’ve finally done it nobody actually has to do this but hey if you’re bored and have no life like me then hey

congrats u may now waste ur time learning random useless facts about me

Instructions: Tell your followers 11 random facts about yourself and tag 11 people. Tag backs are allowed but if you get tagged again you must not repeat any of the facts you mentioned in the previous round. The facts can be absolutely anything, whatever you feel like sharing and whatever comes to mind first. 

I have a bat formation tattoo on my left forearm and people always think they’re birds BUT IM MORE CREATIVE THAN THAT OKAY

I haven’t had a haircut since july

i’ve never seen a single star wars movie in full (I know its insane)

I have a sticker of harry styles’ face over my laptop’s camera (I feel safe and protected)

the first fandom I joined online was narnia (no srsly I was like 10 it was lit)

I sprained two of my fingers yesterday on my dominant hand so thats fun

I drink minimum 6 cups of coffee a day its cool

I still don’t have my license and tbh will I ever? probably not

i’ve eaten pancakes and only pancakes for 3 days now (I should go grocery shopping but lbr its far and theres the whole lack of licence situation)

until today I genuinely never knew what flotus or potus were acronyms for (i’m canadian sue me)

i’ve spent over an hour just filling this fucking section in and I have no more facts i’m boring and i’m sorry

Rules: Tag 20 of your followers you want to get to know better

Name: taylor Nickname: t, tater tot, philly, philly cheesesteak, philadelphia cream cheese (all based off my last name) Gender: i’m not a girl NOT YET A WOMAN Star Sign: leo Height: 5′2.8 (the .8 is important k) Sexual Orientation: bisexual af Hogwarts house: gryffindor Favorite Color: turquoise, burgundy, black, gold, grey Favorite Animal: lion Average Hours of Sleep: either 4 or 10 theres no inbetween Time Right Now: 19:00 on the dot Cat or Dog Person: both. both is good. Favorite Fictional Character: depends on the day.. today i’m feelin dwight schrute Number of Blankets I Sleep With: 4 Favorite Singer/ Band: does 1d count....... also the 1975, ed sheeran, borns, arctic monkeys and I really don’t know how to pick just one thing Dream Trip: world trip starting in new york to brazil to london to paris to norway to italy to india to dubai to australia to new zealand and I just wanna go everywhere really  Dream Job: editor in chief for british vogue (I dream big) When was this Blog Created: like 2009 Current Number of Followers: 1097 (I love all u bitches) When did your Account Peak: i’ve peaked oh god What made you Decide to Make a Tumblr: I was on livejournal back in the day and moved over when I was like 14 Why did you pick your URL: bc isak truly is a snake

pronouns? she age? twenty-one favourite skam character? isak when did you start watching skam? november and I haven’t gone back since who are you cheering for to be s4′s main? EVEN MY SON who do you think is most likely to be s4′s main? probably sana or even what are your main interests? tv shows and memes something you’re always up to discuss? my favourite characters/tv shows/harold the love of my life something you refuse to discuss? nothings really off topic

things i am currently in love with: ▪one song: fireflies (said the sky remix) - owl city ▪two movies: kingsman: the secret service.... thats the only movie i’ve seen recently. does the get down count? I feel like it should count ▪three TV shows: skam (obviously), full house, the office (always) ▪four people: my son tarjei sandvik moe, harry styles, cara delevingne, taron egerton ▪five foods: cheese, pasta, burgers, chicken, peanut butter

Share at least 2 good things that happened to you in 2016 ▪ skam ▪ I moved out??? ▪ 2016 ended

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo yeah i’ll tag @arcay9 @sanasevaks @foolshome @evenftisak @bunbunharry @perfdorable (i know u don’t watch skam but w/e) @tarjeitrash @sanaandthesun ok cool do whichever sections you want or none at all thats chill too k bye