#bc like… i still need to edit and perfect it to make the first draft the final draft and dunno when i might finish

[taegularities]

Refreshing your page waiting for cmi11.5 i know it's gonna be good

awh 😭 i really hope you guys will like this one!! it's a LOT shorter than chapters usually are but honestly full of my heart <3 i'm not sure when i'll be posting it, though!! help me out lmao 😭

[archived-junkissed]

happy ending

member — husband!junhui x f reader genre — angst, fluff, hurt/comfort word count — 6.6k synopsis — a pointless argument escalates until both of you need some space, but it couldn't come at a worse time. warnings — female reader, planned pregnancy, there's a big argument but i tried to not make it too toxic (jun and reader have a happy & healthy relationship i promise), swearing, there is a happy ending lots of fluff !! notes — requested by anon — this has been sitting in my drafts for months bc every time i look at it i get shy and wanna change my mind but i'm proud of how this turned out so i'm posting it finally! i know pregnancy fics aren't everyone's favorite but this was honestly very comforting to write so i hope anyone who chooses to read can find comfort in it as well <3 also the last time i proofread this was like april and if i try to proofread it rn i'll get shy again and chicken out so if there's any mistakes pls ignore! i hope you enjoy :)

you sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comprehend the weight of the news you held in your hand. you couldn’t believe it. you could? you couldn’t. 

after many months of trying to start a family with your husband, you had finally succeeded. the slim plastic stick with two tiny pink lines was the last piece of evidence you needed. it had been months of carefully tracked cycles, fertility doctors, and new positions that seemed too weird to actually do anything. but now, everything was finally falling into place.

you don’t know exactly how much time you spend sitting on the floor and staring at the pregnancy test; thinking, planning, and thinking some more. but when you finally stand up and place the positive test on the counter with shaking hands, it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet what’s happening. something you’d wanted for so long, and finally it was all right in front of you.

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin?

you thought back to all the videos you’d watched over the last few weeks. somehow every social media algorithm knew exactly what you wanted to see, and it had given it to you in abundance; baby showers, gender reveals, those “get ready with me - new mom edition” videos. all getting your hopes up before you could confirm whether or not it had finally happened.

with your hopes high and expectations even higher, you were already beginning to plan how you would break the news to junhui. as your husband and your soon-to-be baby’s father, of course you wanted him to be the very first person to know, so you couldn’t wait too long to tell him. you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

maybe you’d get a little gift box and give the test to him before dinner. but, then again, it was literally a piece of plastic you’d peed on. surely you could give him… something a little nicer than that.

maybe you could buy a baby outfit and wrap it up for him. but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.

what else was there you could do? bake a cake? make a crossword puzzle? buy him a t-shirt that says “dad-to-be”? so many ways you could do it, but none of them seemed perfectly right.

from the other room you hear the door opening, and hurriedly you stuff the test into a drawer, not wanting to tell him just yet. you need a plan first; waiting another day or two couldn’t hurt, so you’ll just have to figure out how to tell him later.

you flip off the bathroom light and stride into the hallway, barely able to contain the grin on your face. you’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets, and with news as big and exciting as this you have no idea how you’re going to be able to hide it from him for more than a minute.

but luckily you don’t have to wonder about it for long, because as soon as you see jun you can already tell he’s in a sour mood. 

you know it’s usually best to let him have some time alone when he’s upset, but not for too long because he starts getting frustrated with himself and won’t stop working until he’s exhausted.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.

you find him sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, long fingers pressed against his eyes trying to block out the light.

“hey, junnie,” you call out, sitting down in a chair next to him. “bad day?”

“yeah,” he answers shortly.

“i’m sorry, baby,” you hum, putting your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and your hand falls away in surprise. he’s never done that before. weird. you try something else. “um, any requests for dinner?”

“not hungry.”

“alright. well, i guess i can cook up some veggies and leave them out, you can heat them up whenever you get hungry.”

he moves his hands away from his face and onto the table, sighing as he leans back in his chair. “can you just— leave me alone for a while? i’m sorry.”

you nod and stand up. “no, it’s fine. i get it. i’ll bring you some tea later then, maybe. text me when you’re feeling better.” you reach out and gently touch his hand before walking away, leaving him alone at the table.

it’s definitely one of his worser days, you note, so you retreat to your bedroom to watch more videos on your phone, trying to bring back your excitement from earlier. hopefully later he’ll be more open and you can sit down and eat something, and maybe by then you’ll have come up with a good way to tell him the news.

an hour passes and you come out of your bedroom to look for jun, having a question from one of your friends about the dinner you’d arranged to have together next week. but he’s no longer in the kitchen, so you peek your head into his office room and find him exactly where you expect him to be, trying to work himself to death.

you clear your throat before you enter, not wanting to startle him again. “hey, junnie, i know you’re in a bad mood, and i’m sorry to interrupt, but—”

“what do you want?” he snaps, never turning around from his desk. just from the way he’s hunched over his computer, he looks like the most stressed you’ve ever seen him, and your chest tightens with worry before your brain registers what he’s just said to you.

“i— excuse me?”

“i said, what do you want?” he repeats, still facing away from you.

you resist the urge to glare at him, knowing he’s probably under a lot of pressure, and you aren’t trying to add to it. “you don’t have to be rude, jun. i just came in here to double check about next weekend, minghao’s texting me.”

he finally lifts his head, slamming his hand down on the desk. “i’m really trying not to snap at you, but— jesus, you make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

you raise your eyebrows in disbelief, your voice lifting in tone. “well, i’m so very sorry to inconvenience you then, but i really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that, jun.”

“and i don’t appreciate you talking to me like i’m a child! when will you get it through your head?”

his comment stings, but you brush it off. “well, maybe if you’d just talk to me like an adult instead of throwing a fit and hiding in your office then i wouldn’t have to treat you like one!” you’re starting to get tired of how he retreats in on himself every time bad shit happens. all you want to do is let him know he doesn’t have to do it alone, and he’s just… exploding at you for no reason, so you don’t try to hide the snarkiness behind your words.

he scoffs angrily and stands up, towering over you at his full height. “oh, grow up! you’re so moody all the time and you expect me to just put up with it! as if i don’t have enough other shit to worry about, i have to worry about what you think of this and that and everything all the damn time!”

you’ve never seen him get so angry like this, and it’s almost scary how completely different this jun is from the jun you know and love. “okay, jun, fine, i’ll just—”

“no, don’t fucking “jun, fine” me. it’s like you’re doing it on purpose at this point, you act like everything is just so perfect and then when it’s not you act like it’s your job to fix everything! you can’t fix everything!”

“i said fine! just forget it, i’ll leave you the hell alone like you always want!”

he pushes past you and crosses the room in two strides, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. “i need to get some air. i’ll be back later.”

you fold your arms over your chest, trying to look unphased but inside your heart is breaking. “you’re really gonna walk out like that? you’re just gonna run away from this? real mature, junhui.”

he spins around, and the look in his eyes is cold. “if i don’t get out of this house right now i’m gonna say something i actually regret.”

and in a flash the door is slammed shut and jun is gone. you can hear his car starting up in the driveway, and seconds later everything is dead silent.

you stand frozen in front of the door, unable to move. you can’t believe it. you can’t. what just happened?

jun has never just… walked out like that.

his words ring in your ears; though your argument wasn’t very long, a lot was said in a very short time and you can’t even begin to think about how to process it as it starts to hit you all at once.

say something he actually regrets? what the hell does that mean? so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you?

minute after long minute passes and you realize he’s not coming back anytime soon. finally you drag yourself away from the door, dropping down on the couch in a daze.

there’s never been a time where you and jun haven’t made up immediately after an argument. sure, maybe you take a little bit to cool down in your own space, but neither of you like letting the tension sit unresolved for very long. so what was it this time that made him leave without even a goodbye?

so many reasons, so many excuses, so many words you could’ve said instead. you shouldn’t have reacted like that, you shouldn’t have kept it going, you should’ve just left him alone. would that have made him stay? if you’d backed down sooner and just let him work through it on his own?

despite all the what-ifs and the doubts in your mind, your conscience won’t allow you to let him worry about everything by himself without at least offering your help. you’re a team, husband and wife, and you’ll be damned if you let him forget that. maybe you trying to help actually made things worse in the end, but at least you know you tried… right?

it’s not until you check your phone and realize that jun’s been gone more than half an hour that you finally let yourself cry. you’d been so focused on worrying about where jun was and whether he was okay that you’d barely even thought about what might happen after this.

will he just… come back and pretend nothing happened? will he come back and still be angry at you? it would almost be worse if he was calm and acted like everything was normal. would he even apologize? would you even apologize? of course you would. both of you said things that were fucked up, and you’ll be the first to admit it if it means this whole thing can be over. right now all you want is to have junhui back.

the tears keep falling but you don’t even feel yourself crying, your face rigid as the tears continue to stain your cheeks.

after an hour you force yourself to get up off the couch and move somewhere, anywhere around the house to try and get your mind off things. but you can’t erase his voice from your head, the look in his eyes as he walked out the door and the way his shoulders hunched from anger mixed with exhaustion.

you find yourself back in your bedroom and you fall onto his side of the bed, wishing you would wake up to find that this has all just been a very bad dream.

it’s after 10pm when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand and you sit up in a panic, scrambling to see if it’s something from jun. your eyes sting from crying so much, and you blink away the remaining tears as you unlock your phone with shaking hands. your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.

you let your phone slip out of your grasp, tumbling to the carpet with a thud. when he’d said he’d be back later you had assumed that meant he’d be coming back tonight. clearly you thought wrong.

tomorrow seemed so far away; too much time to spend alone in a house that was supposed to be filled with happy memories, but now all you felt was pain. you felt it in your chest and in your stomach and in your head and everywhere. the whole room was suffocating, heavy weight crushing down on you from every angle.

you slide to the floor and pick up your phone. you don’t text junhui back. you’re not sure anymore if he’d even read your message. 

instead you type in your friend seokmin’s phone number, listening to the line ring as you wipe the back of your hand across your eyes.

as soon as he picks up, he can hear the anguish in your voice and he’s begging you to tell him what’s wrong, but all you can muster up is a soft, “can i stay with you tonight?” because you can’t bear to be in this house another second without junhui. 

and of course he says yes, and of course he’s immediately on his way over to pick you up. and of course he stops at mcdonald’s on the way back to his house to buy you something to eat, because you haven’t eaten and even though you don’t particularly have much of an appetite right now, seokmin would rather die than let you skip a meal, especially on a night like tonight when you could really use something to keep you going.

you throw your overnight bag on the floor of seokmin’s living room with a small sigh. in a haze you’d tossed in whatever items you thought you might need; a toothbrush, pajamas, something to wash your face with. 

he gives you space for a while as he pulls out the folding bed part of the couch and brings out blankets and pillows for you to sleep with. you don’t say it, but you really appreciate his help. he’s been one of your best friends for so long, and you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

you hadn’t thought about it while you were packing, but as you stand in seokmin’s bathroom you think about the cleanser you’d grabbed; your favorite one, the one jun had gotten you for your birthday last year and you’d never switched to another brand since. 

every single thing reminds you of him, and you push down a fresh wave of emotion as you scrub the foam into your skin, trying to wash away all your tears.

when you’re done getting ready for bed you find seokmin in the living room with a pot of tea. he was just trying to help, but unluckily for him, he’d made green tea. it was your favorite… but it also happened to be jun’s favorite.

and this time you can’t hold back your tears, and seokmin is sitting wide eyed and bewildered, wondering why you’re crying over tea, but he doesn’t ask. he just reaches out to let you hug him, and you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets you hug him as hard as you can and lets your tears stain his t-shirt.

it takes another half hour for you to calm down enough to talk. you’d spent the time watching whatever was on tv, not really paying attention and instead playing everything back in your mind. seokmin had just sat next to you, quietly keeping you company until you were ready.

“jun and i… had a fight,” you say finally, interrupting the commercial playing on the screen.

“i figured,” he says, offering you a comforting smile as he mutes the tv. “do you wanna talk about it?”

“i don’t know. there’s not much to talk about.” you take a shaky breath, remembering it all one more time. “we both said some awful things that we didn’t mean. at least, i know i didn’t mean them. then he just… left, and he texted that he’d come home tomorrow. that’s it.”

you don’t tell him about the pregnancy test. you’ve mentioned once or twice that you and jun had been interested in starting a family, but you’d never gone into detail about it and you weren’t going to now. you still wanted jun to be the first person to know, even though you didn’t know when that might be anymore.

you tell him about other things instead, about your day at work and your plans for the weekend. eventually you finish your tea, and seokmin retreats to his own room and shuts the door with a quiet click, leaving you alone in the quiet of his living room.

it takes you a long time to fall asleep, but soon your exhaustion catches up with you and you let yourself rest, physically and emotionally drained. at least the silence here isn’t as bad as the silence at your house.

across town in his friend seungcheol’s guest bedroom, jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.

why did he leave? he shouldn’t have left. you had been absolutely right, he was running away from everything and it was stupid and dumb and immature. but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was, and he knew if he had stayed for any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop what came out of his mouth. he was out of control, and immediately he knew it.

not even the worst day in the world could make you deserving of all the things he said to you. you were the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life; even on shitty days like today, all you did was care about him. and all he did was hurt you.

jun barely sleeps that night, finally forcing himself out of the extra bed at dawn. he’d been too anxious to sleep, too frustrated with himself to do anything other than think about everything he did and wonder if you were okay without him.

he’d already gotten an earful from his friend last night, and he knew he was still in big trouble. the things he said wouldn’t just go away overnight. in fact, they’d probably gotten worse by leaving them to build up overnight, and again he’s kicking himself for ever leaving in the first place.

he packs up his things as quickly as he can, eager to get home and see you again. on his way out the door, he thanks seungcheol for letting him stay the night and he apologizes for bothering him so late.

“i’m not the one you need to apologize to. you better figure out how to fix this, jun.”

with a straight face he nods, bowing his head as he closes the door.

in his car, jun takes the long way home, trying to find an open grocery store. he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

he walks through the aisles, basket in hand, trying to think of something else for you. maybe he’ll get the ingredients he needs to make your favorite dinner tonight; he hadn’t eaten last night, though you had offered to cook for him and he’d shot you down.

he feels another pang of guilt at the thought, remembering yet another kind gesture you’d tried to give him that he’d brushed off like it meant nothing. it meant everything to him, and in the middle of the frozen vegetables aisle he swore he wouldn’t ever do it again. 

he’d taken you for granted, and he was so lucky that things hadn’t ended worse than they did. he could’ve said something truly unforgivable, or he could’ve even lost your relationship altogether. but he was still yours, and you were still his, and he would just have to work extra hard to make sure you knew how sincere he was.

he’d been a little worried that you hadn’t texted him back last night, seeing that you’d read his message but never responded. you were probably still hurt, and he didn’t blame you; still, he’d hoped you would say something back.

with grocery bags loaded full of ingredients for dinner and the special things he’d bought for you, the drive back home feels a little more hopeful.

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.

the first part of his plan goes perfectly. he sneaks into the house and when he’s met with silence he continues putting everything away, quietly so he won’t wake you up in the other room. then, he puts the flowers in a vase and with everything in place, he walks down the hallway to finally face you.

but when he twists the bedroom door handle, the bed is made and the room is empty. you aren’t there.

he frowns, leaving the room and poking his head into the bathroom, then his office. he calls your name loudly, hoping you’re just in a corner of the house and you’ll come out once you hear him. but no reply.

he goes back into the living room and sets the vase down on the coffee table, trying to think. you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal? 

a sinking feeling rises in his chest, and he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone.

he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and—

his hand freezes on the knob, staring at something in the drawer that wasn’t there before. he’s not sure it is what he thinks it is, but either way there it is, clear as day in front of him: a little white piece of plastic, sticking out from underneath a tissue. 

gingerly he pulls it out, holding it up to the light to see it better. when he sees the two pink lines he nearly drops it in shock, but he stops himself, setting it gently on the counter instead.

this is something special, something precious, and he knew he had to take care of it. you’d saved it for a reason; you could’ve easily just thrown it away once you knew the results, but you had kept it instead. were you going to give it to him?

he covers his mouth with his hand, still staring at the stick sitting on the edge of the sink. it was just a cheap piece of plastic, but to him it was the most important thing in the entire world.

he deflates when he realizes you’d probably been planning on telling him last night, before he’d blown up at you. if he’d been paying attention to anyone other than himself, he would’ve noticed your mood was happier than usual, your face glowing with contained excitement. he should’ve been paying attention.

there’s a sense of urgency in his stride as he dashes around the house, looking for any other sign of you, but it’s clear you weren’t there. there were so many places you could be, he can’t even begin to think of where to look. your parents, friends, family; hell, you could even have stayed in a hotel, alone and upset. he should’ve been there. none of this should’ve ever happened.

immediately he presses the speed dial for your phone, but of course– no answer. he calls again, and again you don’t pick up. he curses, resisting the urge to slam his phone down on the table in frustration. no, he has to stay calm. that’s what got him into this whole fucking mess in the first place.

he remembers that your parents are out of town on vacation, so you probably wouldn’t have gone there. you wouldn’t have gone to a hotel because you always lecture him about the importance of saving money “just in case”, so you wouldn’t have paid to stay somewhere. your sister is still in college and shares an apartment with three other people, so probably not the best idea either. 

that narrows it down to one of your friends’ houses; seokmin, who lives a couple blocks away, or joshua, who lives on the other side of town.

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.

“what do you want?” seokmin’s usually cheery voice has an edge to it today, and jun knows he’s picked right.

“is she there?” he asks anxiously.

“she is,” he confirms, and jun exhales, letting out the breath he had been holding in. “but she’s asleep still. i’ll let her know you called.”

“wait,” jun adds quickly.

the line is silent for a moment, and he’s afraid seokmin’s already hung up, but finally he gets a response. “what is it?”

"can i–are you sure? please," jun pleads. if he could just talk to you, just explain what happened and that he's so fucking sorry—

“hold on,” seokmin says, and the phone goes quiet again.

jun’s heart is in his throat as he waits for a response, and he stops when he finally hears your voice. “hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief. “sweetheart. i’m so sorry.”

you don’t reply, so he continues.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” he starts, trying to put the right words together. “i shouldn’t have said any of that last night, and i shouldn’t have left. i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry.”

“thanks” is all you say, and he hates how small and sad your voice sounds. it’s his fault you sound like that.

“i found your test,” he bursts out, unable to hide his excitement any longer.

“oh." you pause, swallowing. "so… you know.”

“yes, i do know, baby. i’m so sorry, if i had known before—”

you cut him off, your tone suddenly rising with anger. “‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?"

“no— fuck, no, of course not. i shouldn’t yell at you, period. and i’m not going to ever again.” jun pauses for a second, rubbing his hand over his eyes. he’s done nothing so far but make everything worse. “i really messed up, honey, and i’m sorry. i can’t say it enough. but— please, come home. i don’t want to talk over the phone.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall again. you don’t want to cry about this anymore. “okay,” you say finally. “i’ll be home in a little while.”

“thank you,” jun says, and the way his voice breaks makes your heart sink. you can tell he feels awful about everything, and you do really, really miss him.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.

“i love you, too!” he says immediately. “i love you, too, honey. text me when you’re on your way.”

“i will.”

he says “i love you” twice more before you end the call. you sit in silence for a second, processing everything before you stand up off the couch and head to seokmin’s room to give him back his phone.

"can you take me home now, please?" you tell him softly, and immediately seokmin stands up and hugs you, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"of course. let me know when you're ready."

half an hour later you find yourself in the front seat of seokmin’s car once again, this time sitting nervously in his driveway as he puts your bag in the trunk for you. you're still not sure if you're ready to face jun yet, but you know you have to.

reluctantly you unlock your phone and open your text messages with jun, your eyes landing on the text he'd sent last night that had gone unreplied. with shaky fingers you type out that you're leaving seokmin’s house, and jun replies almost instantly with a long string of heart emojis.

seokmin gets into the car and starts it, and you exhale and set your phone in the cupholder.

"are you okay?" he asks, turning to look at you. "because you can always let me know if you need anything. anytime, day or night."

"i'm alright," you say, taking a deep breath. "i'm fine. but thank you, seok. i really appreciate everything."

he smiles, shifting the car into reverse. "of course. it's no problem at all."

the second he hears the car pull up outside the house, jun jumps up off the couch, smoothing his shirt down anxiously. through the window he watches seokmin hand you your bag and close the trunk, giving you one last hug before he gets back in the car. he doesn't drive away until you're at the front porch, and with a deep breath jun swings open the door, before you can even knock.

you both stand there in silence for a second before he blurts out another apology. "i'm sorry," he rushes to say. "i'm really sorry."

you give him a weak smile. "can i maybe… get in the house, first?" you ask quietly, motioning with your free hand at the doorway.

"yeah, i— yeah, shit, of course," jun says as he practically jumps out of your way, holding the door open for you to walk inside.

you set your bag on the floor by the couch as he closes the door behind you. the sound of the lock clicking seems too loud in the uncomfortable silence that settles over the room.

"can… can i give you a hug? please?" he asks, and you stay quiet but nod. 

he closes the distance between you in one stride and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly and holding you close to his chest. "i'm so sorry, honey. i didn't mean any of it. i promise."

"i believe you," you finally manage, your voice a little muffled from how he's pressing you against him.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds you and holds you, and it feels so good to be home where you belong. there's a lot that needs to be said, but for right now you don't need any more words. you're just glad to be back together again.

after a while you pull your head away from him so you speak. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong, baby. i'm the one that needs to be apologizing."

you shake your head. "no. i said some things last night, too. granted, not as bad as you, but…"

jun breaks out into a grin at your joke, and you feel your mood start to lighten. "…which is true. and i'm sorry."

"jun, you can stop apologizing now. i get it, you're sorry. you don't have to tell me a million times," you say, trying to laugh a little.

now it's his turn to shake his head. "well, i'm going to anyway. because i am sorry." you look away from him, feeling embarrassment start to boil up, but he continues talking. "i'm serious. i'll say it as many times as it takes to make it right."

you turn your head back to him, struggling to keep a straight face. "why did you leave, jun?" you ask softly.

he takes a deep breath, and still trapped in his arms you can feel his chest expand with the breath. 

"it was stupid," he says finally. "i left because i didn't want to stay and risk hurting you more. but i realize i did that anyway, by leaving. i was just… i needed some air. but i shouldn't have stayed away, and i'm not gonna do that again. i won't do it, ever again."

"i just don't want you to leave me," you manage, trying and failing to hide the crack in your voice as you feel your eyes start to well up with tears.

he hugs you tighter and one of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head, gently smoothing your hair with his thumb. "i know, baby, i'm sorry. i'm not going to, i promise."

you don't respond, but you know he's telling the truth. the last 24 hours have been hell for the both of you, and you don't doubt he means every single "i'm sorry" he's said.

"so…" jun starts, and you tilt your head up at him.

"so?" you know what he's going to say next, and despite the excitement you had yesterday you feel yourself dreading this part of the conversation.

"you're pregnant?"

you sigh, looking down and avoiding his eyes. "yeah."

he hums. "but you don't sound excited?" he asks.

"well, i was, last night."

"i'm sorry," he winces. "do you wanna tell me now and i'll pretend this didn't happen and i don't know about it?"

you shake your head. "no, it's fine. the moment's kinda… ruined, already."

he sighs. "yeah, i know. i'm sorry i ruined it."

"i said it's fine, jun."

"no, it's not fine," he says firmly. "it's one hundred percent my fault. this is important to you, and to us, and we should be celebrating right now. last night should never have happened."

"jun, it's in the past. it was messed up, but i forgive you," you say, lifting you head to look at him once more. "it's not a big deal. we're okay now."

"i just want you to be happy about it," he says with a sniff. "we've been trying for so long, and finally…" he trails off, staring at you with watery eyes. 

you smile at him. "i am happy about it, junnie. i'm so happy, you can't even believe."

"did you tell seokmin?" he asks, and his brows furrow when you shake your head no.

"no, i didn't. i wanted you to be the first i told," you say shyly. "i knew you would want to be the first to know."

"i love you so much," he says, still hugging you. he's never going to let you go, never again. "do you know how far along?"

"no, i didn't go to the doctor. probably like two or three weeks, though, if i've been counting it right."

"wow," he sighs, a smile on his face as he stares off into the distance behind you. "i can't wait."

you watch his eyes, practically able to see the thoughts running through his head. 

after a while he loosens his grip around you, moving to swipe at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "well—anyway," he starts, giving you an awkward chuckle. "i bought stuff for breakfast. if you haven't had any, yet. and i'm making dinner tonight, too."

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."

"junnie, if this is the best the store had, then i don't think i wanna see their best," you laugh, holding the flowers up and admiring the dozens of bright blooms. "this is gorgeous, but you really didn't need to get me anything."

"but i wanted to," he counters, still running around the room to grab the gift bag sitting by the couch. "consider it an 'i'm very sorry' slash 'congrats you're having a baby' gift."

you set the vase down on the table next to you and take the bag from him, pulling out the tissue paper and crumpling it into a ball.

"i didn't have a whole lot of time to look this morning, but i found these," he says nervously, waiting for your reaction.

from the bag you pull out a miniature plastic hanger holding a set of tiny pajamas covered in little kitties, attached to a matching set of striped orange socks.

"i wanted to be the first person to get you baby clothes," he explains as he fidgets with his hands. 

"i knew you would," you smile at him, setting the empty bag and the clothes on the table along with the bouquet of flowers. "and they're perfect. they're so… you."

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another hug. "i love all of it. thank you, jun."

he grins, rocking you back and forth in his arms and leaving kisses all over your cheek. "i love you too, baby. i missed you so much. i won't ever do that again."

"i know," you smile. "now… you promised me breakfast, isn't that right? because i'm starving. crying is exhausting."

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"

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[lilolilyr]

For "Being Known" (Helena writer, Myka actress): 2 and 3, 6 and/or 7 (whichever you like better, or both), and 9!

Ah, thank you! My longest Bering and Wells fic to date :D

Moodboard & header for the fic, and Here's the ask meme

2. How did you come up with the idea?

It was part of a gift exchange, and my giftee had asked for a pop culture AU, with some fusion prompts for fandoms I didn't know very well - so instead of trying to find out enough about eg Buffy the Vampire Slayer to write a fic in that world, I asked whether a celebrity AU would work, and here we are!

3. Did the idea change at all by the time the fic was complete?

I expanded my initial idea a lot - adding Steve, Leena, Artie, Caturanga, Jane and Amanda, I'm pretty sure initially it was just supposed to be HG and Myka with side characters Claudia and Pete. I don't remember exactly what the plan was and what came later, apart from having the idea of Helena's conflict about wanting to remain anonymous while being passionate about something that could bring her a lot of fame early on...I'll have to see whether I still have my initial draft somewhere and I can add it at the end of the post, I tend to write in messages on telegram and copy paste them to an ao3 draft or word doc once I start editing, so the messages should still be the original first draft.

I think I was unsure whether or not I should add an AU-ified Christina related backstory and work that into part of the reason for Helena's reluctance over fame, I had several ideas about her own childhood, her knowing a child something happened to, or actually writing Christina into her backstory... I went back and forth between Christina being a child star and Helena herself being one, I think in the end I just made Helena one because it worked better for the story though I would have liked to have more Christina backstory, but oh well, kill your darlings.

6. How did you decide what tense and POV(s)to use? / 7. How did you decide what character(s) would narrate the fic?

Honestly, I rarely decide that kind of thing consciously - I guess if you want to write something commercially there are lots of things to consider, but I write for fun and I'll write wherever my ideas bring me. Sometimes I'll notice a scene works better from a different POV and I change it, but usually it just happens one way and then it's fine to leave it as is

In this case I think I immediately knew it would mainly be Helena's POV because it's really her story I wanted to tell.

9. Did you get stuck at any point? How did you get past that?

Claudia! Hah, I mean I didn't get stuck on her, but that I used her to get past difficult scenes, giving Helena a much needed push! Especially near the end, when it comes to Helena accepting the possibility of a relationship between her and Myka.

Thank you so much for the ask! This was fun to talk about :)

.

This is my draft for the fic, the way it was written (in a messenger chat with just myself in it, as I start most fics) in one go, before making any edits at all!

You'll notice a lot of 'xx' markers - because there aren't really any words with that, it's easy to search a text for that later on, so whenever I know I still need to fix something - add a sentence, translate a word, edit bullet points into paragraph, add entire scenes - I write XX to mark it for later.

wip bering and wells author actress AU for anandabrat

Working title The Perfect Warrior

HG (former child actor turned?) writer under pseudonym hiding from fame (bc burned out from kid fame?), slowly getting back into acting, does improv for fun

Myka either star there to help 'learning' amateur actors for xxkomparsen? Or she's a newcomer and HG is back on film?

Claudia's HG's friend, Pete Myka's

ohhh what about Helena's book being verfilmt & Myka main role, HG making sure she won't be overwhelmed..

xxx

xxflashback seven months prior

"H.G., I'm coming in!"

Helena covers her head with a pillow when she hears Claudia Donovan's shouting from the backyard before a well-aimed kick against the old garden door has it fling open.

"Breaking and entering, really?" Helena's muffled voice lets Claudia know where she is. "I would have thought that petty crime is belowxx you."

"Come oooon," Claudia pulls the pillow from her face and Helena is left squinting at the sudden light. "We're going out! A friend of mine has a gallery opening, and there's bound to be a crowd of interesting people there!"

"I can't," Helena grouches. "I have to write, I still haven't finished either of those silly sequels my agents want me to work on."

"Riiight," Claudia nods, juggling the pillow between her hands. "Because that's what you were doing right now. Writing."

"Oh, cut the sarcasm." Helena growls. She is in a bad enough mood without Claudia butting in and making it worse.

"Alright then." Instead of backing down, Claudia throws the pillow onto the bed and, hands on her hips, stares Helena down. "I'll speak xxklartext. You're wasting away here, H.G.! You hate the books you're supposed to write, you refuse to write anything else either, you haven't seen any of our friends in months and now you're getting your groceries delivered so you don't even have to leave the house? That's the final straw!"

"Who snitched on me," Helena xx Leena?sbcanonordontmention

"It'll be good for you," Claudia insists. "You can dazzle everyone with your Wikipedia brain, and maybe you'll meet a xxverleger who wants to publish one of your weirder novellas. Come on, get up. get up, if not for yourself then do it for me because there's no way I'll go schmooze with the rich and famous all on my own!"

"I still cannot believe you managed to talk me into this," Helena sighs, looking at the xx and bustle around her.

"I'm up, I'm up," Helena sighs and avoidsxxausweichen Claudia's attempt to pull her from the bed by sitting up. "Alright, what exactly is this opening we're going to?"

...

Laughing, herxxfriend Claudia bumps their elbows together. "You better believe it, there's no getting out of it now! And this will be good for you! xx I'm happy for you, H.G., this is a dream come true!" She twirls around without missing a step, taking it all in.

"The fact that it makes you xxgoodposition takes no part in it, I'm sure." Helena deflects. She doesn't want to admit that Claudia is right and she is thrilled to have her characters coming to life for the big screen - nor does she want it known that, despite all the negotiations and concessions on side of the production studio, she is still afraid that she won't recognise the world she created once the movie is done. Will they do justice to the worlds of trees and cogwheels, to the unseeing creator and the warrior with the unruly hair? Will they listen to Helena when she has suggestions, will the stick to the details from the book, will it even be possible to transfer it to the new medium?

This and more goes through Helena's mind as she lets Claudia drag her along over the big parking lot and storage area, past trucks with equipment and the xxvans for cast and crew towards the xxhall.

first time sees Myka - the perfect xxcharactername warrior.

xx looks after her xx her hair xx in the wind, a sharp edge to her big brown eyes that negates anything childish about their shape, xx stepping out of the camper

xx C hey, we're not here to flirt! Can't believe I need to say that to you, you're like, the least likely person xx xx pretty girl

xx not what - I mean yes beautiful, but not what that wasabout -

xx oh /beauuutiful

xx shut up Donovan

xx later sees Myka in makeup all *sideeye* what did you do to my xxcharactername

argument - need makeup! Looks silly on camera without, different than irl!

HG: well if so, just makeup that makes it look decent with the lights and closeups, NOT that kind of obvious eye makeup, and who had the idea that a warrior in a cyberpunk dystopia would need a bold red lip? Or shaved pits?

xx Myka uncomfortable, thinks she has done something wrong, especially when sent back out in the middle of the scene, doesn't notice the argument

co-star Pete tries to comfort her

xxMyka thinks maybe this was bad idea, should quit

xx HG will Not lose my warrior!

(xx Myka in trouble

xx HG kann wen zusammenscheißen, makes sure Myka's fine)

xx from then on Helena trying to keep an eye on Myka, asks how she's dealing with the pressure, what her plans are for if she'll be famous after this project, whether she has a good agent to protect her interests, etc... (eg where u live? city apartment...

H:security? M:none?? H:myself, nature away from most people M: wish could affort...)

Myka: know you're just doing this because you think I'm a good fit for the character and you don't want it to be ruined by me quitting, but I still really appreciate

HG: what?? No, am doing this - well, would for everyone! Know how it is, when I was a kid... nevermind. But, care about you too

Myka finds out why HG is so wary about fame

go to premiere together - "don't have to hold a speech, don't even have to tell anyone who you are, but at least go as my date?"

As usual, I had a first scene instantly in my head, then started thinking quicker than I could write and had to note down bullet points so I wouldn't forget anything xD

Again, thanks for the ask :)

[placeinthisworld]

just curious what you mean about your idol becoming what she used to sing about? what do you think has changed? no hate just genuinely curious

i feel like over the years her music has become more jaded, less personable more targeted. she used to sing about her experiences and feelings more generally and therefore held more interest bc of the relatability aspect of her songs. like for all the ogs which i may still listen to she had so much intent in the songwriting. like, as a teenager i never went through a breakup (still haven’t?) so i could never relate to her breakup songs in a traditional way- but the way she would write about her feelings would still feel relatable to me enough to help me through different situations.

i feel like now she writes to complete and album. she knows she can bullshit something quick is she’s motivated enough. it feels like midnights was a first draft- like it was never edited and perfected it was just written, recorded and produced. done.

i also feel like her fanbase has a lot to do with it. i think when folklore was released, she had disappeared from the spotlight long enough for the general public to forget why they were so against her to begin with. i think taylor made her dating life a main highlight in her career (whether that was on purpose is another debate), so when she got with joe and went private for a bit the general public weren’t being plastered w ts/ bf gossip and sightings to annoy them and remind them of her “serial dater” reputation. and when folklore came out it was purely about the album and not the relationship that influenced the album bc it was “fictional,” and people needed something fun to transfix on when the world was unpredictable and scary bc of covid- which is why everyone and their mom became a swiftie overnight. nobody speculated about what song was about who (i mean swifties did ofc but it wasn’t a world wide thing- it was just rocking out to august). the internet definitely shifted during this time and it feels like everyone became chronically online.

long story short: i feel like taylor is using her songwriter and platform as a weapon. she knows her fans are weirdly cult like and notoriously known for being bullies on the internet, and that they’ll buy and believe anything she says. i think everyone will be expecting a folklore- likeness to ttpd but i think it’ll be a cheap way of blowing over her relationship with joe and changing the narrative for rep tv. overall it just feels like all of her songwriter is so personal to her life and her relationships it’s not relatable anymore, her words don’t have the impact they once did. everything feels tailored to her life specifically and it’s more of a show for swifties to make pick up easter eggs for clout on the internet. like she knows what she’s doing with ttpd, we all know.

it’s evident in the way she markets herself, it’s evident in the lack of marketing of her albums. she knows her fans will promote it for her. no lead single, no real description of the album or anything. hundreds of dollars of encouraged preorders for something you don’t even know if you’ll like until you buy it. fucked with umg to try to return it if you don’t. fomo if you missed out on an “exclusive” or “limited” item.

also just the whole miss americana thing she’s ignoring. we all heard her. she said she wanted to be on the right side of history. yet here she is politically silent as always- besides that one time in 2020 when she coincidentally had something to release….

(also unrelated….but like the taylor overexposure is real. i love that she’s interested in doing different things but i wish she would prioritize quality over quantity. it feels like she’s rushing through everything to get to the next one. i just wish she would care more about her art than breaking records and being #1/ talked about constantly. it just feels very….narcissistic? like girlie you’re a billionaire and youre still in your early thirties what are you trying to do??? be the first person to sing on the moon like??? when is it Enough for her?)

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Pretty Smart OCs

so they don't have names yet and this is soooo niche but this show is making me so happy and we all know how much I love Gregg Sulkin sooooo have a bunch of ocs for the sole excuse of shipping them with him!

desperately do need to name them sos send help but like i wanted to post the vibes before i forgot

Tiffani Dodson

aspiring actress, was told at her last audition that the reason she isn’t getting cast is bc she has Virgin Energy and immediately spiralled. She is a virgin but she didn't need them to comment on it

Kimber Bradley

hot bitch and she knows it, former child star (but not super famous, mostly commercials and music videos) turned porn star & only fans queen, Grant features frequently in her videos hot bitch and she knows it, former child star (but not super famous, mostly commercials and music videos) turned porn star & only fans queen, Grant features frequently in her videos

Caitlyn Morgan

Chelsea & Claire’s youngest sister, dropped out of UCLA's psychology department for a singing career after a few songs of hers went ciral and Chelsea has never understood/supported her

Melanie Melton

went to law school (met Solana there), made a series of tiktoks that were about teaching americans about their legal rights (especially when dealing with cops) which turns into becoming a full time influencer but her legal lesson videos are still the number one thing she's known for

Olive Beasley

is a life coach, personally she’s a bit of a disaster and initially moved to LA to become an actress but failed, made instagram/tiktok videos daily as she got her shit together, they blew up, it turned into writing a motivational book which turned into becoming a life coach

Catia Marquez

started out just as a singer on tiktok (maybe also did reactions to new music), blew up, now influencer status and occasional model, details vague

Juliette Cantrell

bartender, works with Claire which is how she became friends wit them, her last living situation didn't work (was living with her best friend who was hooking up with her boyfriend for months) which is how she ends up with them, Grant is often her fake boyfriend when her ex is around which turns into more

Pepper Mueller

an author but very much like, booktok smut & silly romcom novels absolutely 0 shame, 0 embarrassment, she's proud of her books and she loves to write but Chelsea is kind of bitchy about them not being "real" books, oc would basically be like "okay but which of us us has actually written a novel and been published"; calls Grant her research assistant, whenever she has a sex scene to write she makes a first draft, they act it out together, and then she edits her writing accordingly (and they repeat the process until the scene is perfect) Real name Gwiynith, always hated her name (particularly the spelling – but she went by Gwyn and still never loved it) so decided to change her name when she published her first book, has been Pepper ever since

Everleigh Jennings

event planner, met the roommates because she was in charge of organizing an event at The Franklin, very high strung about her events but otherwise super chill, no one understands how she can switch in and out of work mode so easily (also the one making sure that bills & rent are being paid on time for sure)

Suki Duffin

pop girly who blew up faster than anyone expected, been on a world tour for a while and now is back in LA but doesn't really have anywhere to settle down, she's friends with Jayden and he invites her to come live with them

Luka Graves

Pepper's agent and best friend, he often calls her the only person he truly loves. Not at all romantic between them but platonic soulmates for sure, and he has definitely been known to hook up with she and Grant pretty regularly. Helped her choose the name Pepper when she decided that she wanted a new name to publish under

[comput3rage]

Expanding on the last post. barbie. I thought it was ok but so much could have been changed. The narration was too on the nose and didn't feel self-aware, just felt like it was trying too hard to be self aware. Characters kept saying exactly what they meant and not really talking like people. I think the demographic of little girls was kind of forgotten which is crazy bc it's a movie made to sell toys to little girls, but it doesn't Feel like a movie made for kids, because the adult jokes don't go over their heads completely, kids will be able to tell there's a joke they aren't getting. They do that thing where they say the themes of the movie out loud to the camera. The bit with the company founder made no goddamn sense. Hello

New spiderverse I had way less issues with, the first and third acts were, like, perfect, but the second act felt off the rails. Actually I lied about the first act bc the opening scene with Gwen was NOT IT SORRY. They should have started in the middle of her fight with lizard peter and that background music took away from what was happening so much it's insane. It's so unclear what was happening. Then when they go back to miles it's perfect and it's great. But when we hit act 2 in the spider society I feel like they didn't leave themselves enough time to introduce the characters they wanted to introduce. Pavitr probably got the most but and hobie made an impact with the little screen time he had but both of them could have done with more screentime. Margo/spider byte worked well but I feel like they tried to cram her whole backstory into her dialogue when we don't need to know that about her for her role in the movie. I just think they should have shown Miguel's backstory differently it felt out of place. Gwen and her mentor whose name I can't remember had some dialogue that was too on the nose. I don't know why the mentor is pregnant it feels like there should be a reason and it just feels irrelevant except to make her more impressive I guess. There's a ton of dialogue throughout the movie that's just.... Really quiet? For some reason? You'll never catch it in a theater and at home you're turning the volume up and down like crazy. I loved this movie though but still I feel like it was a bit rushed?

Wendell and wild ...... Now here's a movie I wanted to like SO bad and I DID really like it but there's just so many blatant problems with the writing. There's TOO MUCH HAPPENING all the time. Kat's friend Raoul (? I think that's his name) is almost completely irrelevant. There's enough drama between all the adults in the town to fill a soap opera and NONE OF IT MATTERS TO THE PLOT. Kat's hell maiden powers don't make sense. The mean girls should have just been stereotypical mean girls or else just been people kat couldn't connect with through no fault of anyone bc whatever they were trying to do with those characters did NOT work. I think Kat's eyeball boom box should have been relevant to the plot in some way bc it feels like a Chekhov's gun that never goes off. It's too complicated. It feels like they tried to cram a 3 season TV show into a movie. I don't understand what was going on with kats parents. That one girl turned to the camera and told us that the prison complex is bad and that kind of "here's what the movie is about" dialogue just completely takes me out of the movie. I loved every second of this movie and I can still say it felt like the script was a second draft.

Glass onion was good but I still think the script should have gone through a bit more editing. The Menu had too many characters it didn't do much with. The new season of good omens feels like it forgot some established stuff from the first season/the book that would have been easy to change/fix/just do anything about, and some of the dialogue was iffy, and the new human characters feel Off in a way I can't put my finger on. When will it end when will movies and TV feel finished again

[mecharose]

steps i used to make this potion and chug it near-daily:

don't beat yourself up about not writing as much as you want/think you should

figure out the real reason, what's underlying your lack of motivation, and address that

set achievable goals, but always have a goal going

talk to writing friends about what you're working on

commission yourself with WIP art for free bonus motivation

elaboration under the cut bc long post lol

don't beat yourself up about it

literally this is the most important thing. this is a hobby and you are not failing at anything if you find it hard to motivate yourself to do it sometimes. we are all human and busy and stressed. that being said:

figure out what's actually stopping you from writing

usually "no motivation" has a very real reason behind it, and every possible reason has its own different solution.

wanting to write but not being able to could mean you're putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect, or feeling out of practice. both of these have the same solution imo: get a "writing sketchbook" aka, a throwaway project that is something you can easily finish. e.g. short story, throwaway chapter of something, AU for your current project, etc. (I came up with the idea to try that bc i'm also an artist and sketching helps me loosen up before big pieces)

an additional solution for the latter is to break the rule of "no editing the first draft" in a very specific way: when I sit down to write a new chapter, i'll re-read the stuff that came before it and do line edits (wording, sentence structure) as I go. this gets me back to the groove of writing a wip without having to create new parts of it wholesale.

another one I run into often is just like. if I don't read a book for a while, I stop thinking in "writing mode" aka constructing scenes as written pieces of work rather than like. pictures i'm imagining in my head. so if you're having a hard time with the writing itself, I'd suggest reading a book that has a similar tone or vibe, or writing style you want your WIP to have!

set achievable goals

basically the "take it easy but take it" mentality. set a goal so you have something to work toward, but make it lower than what you think you can reasonably accomplish so you can still feel accomplished.

if you do this, anything you achieve *beyond* that goal will feel extra special and rewarding -- much better than setting a "reach goal" and then even big accomplishments toward it won't feel like "enough."

for me, this takes the form that I always have a 5,000 word goal each month. high enough that it gives me the kick in the pants to write whenever I have the time, low enough that it doesn't stress me out!

get a second opinion

if the problem is that you feel like your WIP is boring, it's the old wisdom that chances are high it's probably not, and you're too used to it.

sometimes the only real fix to that is rambling to someone about it ngl

the second opinion can also be you, needing a break from whatever your current project is, so you can come back to it later with fresh eyes.

also, having a person you can give your word count updates to, and talk about whatever you just wrote that you're excited about, keeps you both accountable *and* motivated via the outside hype. win-win :3

do WIP art

you're also an artist so I'm suggesting this one lol. I always get re-hyped to write when I draw my characters, like seeing them makes me Understand them more and want to tell their story. so maybe that would work for you too? :3

I hope this helped!! :D

hey uh does anyone have a recipe for Potion That Makes You Write

has anyone actually gone from not being able to write that often to a more consistent output and if so how did you do that

[wander-wren]

Ok, here goes! I wanna preface this by saying that I've been in a serious writing rut for like the past six months, to the point where I've pretty much given up on my WIPs. It's not that I don't want to write, or that I don't have ideas, but the actual work of sitting down and getting words on the page feels like pulling my own teeth out. So I'm conducting research on writers I admire to see if I can learn anything from their processes. And so, without further ado:

How long have you been writing?

Do you start out knowing what's gonna happen in the story, like with a plot chart and everything, or does the story take shape as you go along?

Do you write in big chunks or a little bit at a time?

How many drafts do you typically do? Is your first draft usually like word vomit or something a little more polished?

Do you have a beta reader?

What's your editing process like?

Is there a certain time or place where you prefer to write?

What do you consider the hardest part of writing?

Have you ever struggled with perfectionism in your writing? Do you have any tricks for bypassing that "EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT" wall in your brain and just get words on the page?

That was a lot lol. Of course you don't have to answer all of them, but any insight you're willing to give will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you very much <3

woo okay let’s tackle this!! under the cut bc Long. strap in folks

How Long Have You Been Writing?

in any shape or form: since maybe 6 years old? but i started writing fanfiction at 12, started getting serious about writing in general at 15, and threw myself full tilt into fanfic at 17, so currently i haven’t written original fiction Really since june. which is a complicated answer. you didn’t specify if this is about original stuff or fic, but i’ll try to answer from both perspectives bc my process for each is wildly different.

Plotter or Pantser?

for both original fiction and longfics, i’m solidly in the middle; i usually start with a list of things i want to happen, and i always need some idea of where i’m going to end, even if it changes later. from there, i start writing the first few chapters. when i feel like i have a more solid grasp of where i’m going, i outline chapter-by-chapter through one “section” of the story, however i define that. once im done that section, i outline again. this gives me a lot more freedom to change things as i go and adapt to new decisions i make. i also add random ideas to my masterlist of stuff that i might want to include further down the line as i go.

with oneshots i never, or almost never, have a plan beyond the premise/summary, so they frequently get away from me and do all kinds of random things.

Big Chunks or Little At a Time?

i’m gonna say big chunks? i have adhd so i frequently hyperfixate on my projects and can work on them for hours and hours on end, which i don’t exactly recommend, but it happens. at any given time i have a “main” wip or two that i work on pretty much daily, and then others scattered around that i might pick up for a few hours if i get bored. but i try to finish fics as fast as possible bc if i move on there’s a 50% chance i won’t come back, at least not for months.

How Many Drafts?

for fanfic? one. every once in a while if something is REALLY not working i’ll rewrite sections, so that’s like 1.5 drafts, but it’s free labor i do for fun so while i take pride in it and want it to be good, i’m not going to expend THAT much energy, yknow?

for original stuff, like if we’re talking novels…at least three drafts? i haven’t gotten that far with most of my projects so i’m still learning about myself, but my general process seems to be that the first draft is about getting the main story beats and the emotions down. my first draft is always very heavy on the angst and catharsis, sometimes overdramatically so, bc there’s less plot to hold it up. then my second draft is more about plot and realism and structure, but i tend to lose some emotions in trying to do that. my third draft is about combining the two and continuing to polish stories/characters. i haven’t written any fourth drafts, so i’m not sure whats beyond that.

and my first drafts tend to be very polished. i wrote a little rant explaining the history of that aspect of my writing not long ago, so i won’t get into it again. part of that is just how i’ve always been, part of it is practice. i do feel sometimes that i write pretty enough to cover up structural/realism/continuity issues, which can be frustrating when looking for critique from people who can’t see past it.

Beta Reader?

yes! i have a small group of writer friends that i share things with, but that is pretty much always for cheer-betaing and minor critiques unless i ask for actual criticism, which i only do with my original stuff when i get to the second/third draft, partly bc it’s not ready before then, and partly because it’s a lot of mental work for the other people. shoutout to my main bnha betas, @rangerlexi and @spacetime-enthusiast, who are, as i said, mainly cheer betas, tho mav is also my resident bakugo expert bc he’s very hard for me to write sometimes. getting better tho!

can’t recommend finding betas enough, even if just to cheer you on. hell, i can’t make promises about super long works or original fic, but i’m always down to read fanfiction. i don’t even bite, i swear. obligatory note that you do gotta trust ppl tho yada yada thieves exist and mean people exist etc etc

Editing Process?

for fanfic: typically i reread one or two times right away while all my thought processes are fresh in my head. i’ll make spot edits and add or delete things here and there. then depending on how impatient i am, i wait a day or a few to send it to my betas and/or reread and edit again myself. then i post and i’m done!

for original works: i don’t bother to edit first drafts, or even second drafts sometimes. when it’s time to prep for a second draft, i reread and make notes on what i want to keep and what i want to change, then use those notes to make my next skeletal outline. usually my stories change drastically from one draft to the next, but the last time i did a third draft, i wanted it to be pretty close to the structure of the second, so instead of outlining at all i just did splitscreen and wrote the whole third draft while looking at the second, sometimes basically retyping a page word for word, sometimes going “well, that chapter is pointless” and skipping it entirely. when it came to line editing, i used hemingway bc i don’t trust computers to do my editing, BUT the different colored highlights were helpful to break up the monotony. hemingway is a lot more focused on concise/readable sentences and cutting adverbs than anything else, which was good for me as an overwriter. i cut 22k words the last time i used it, from a 130k draft.

Best Time or Place?

not really? i write everywhere and constantly. the advice about finding your niche of productive time never seemed to work for me because, as long as i’m not blocked/stuck, i pretty much always kind of want to write.

Hardest Part?

DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS OH MY GOD IT’S THE WORST. sorry. i hate. doing that. becoming friends? becoming family? falling in love? god. kill me. i love all [thing] to lovers in reading but in writing i tend to drift toward best friends to lovers bc then it’s kind of close. i love writing about people in relationships, tension and banter and softness and fights, but getting there is so awful.

Are You a Perfectionist? Tips?

hm. gonna try to answer this honestly and in the least asshole-ish sounding way possible lmao.

i’m not really a perfectionist? not in writing, anyway, idk about other stuff. but also it’s just like…i know i’m good at what i do. not perfect—i can see flaws in things i wrote even a few months ago—but good. More Than Satisfactory. sometimes fics just don’t work and i abandon them, sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what i’m doing, but i’m not generally paralyzed by the need for anything to be perfect because i’m happy where i am?

that’s a hard mindset to get to, though. and you will for sure feel good about something and then dislike it in a few months or years. that’s just the nature of improving your craft. i think if i had any tips, though, i would say a few things.

watch this video essay, the whole thing but specifically 5:39-9:20. i love cj the x and i agree with many of his takes on art, so. some of his other essays might be helpful as well but that one i know talks specifically about perfectionism.

or if you don’t want to, just have this quote that melted my brain a little when i heard it. “perfectionism is not an inherently bad impulse. but you have to earn that. you don’t get to be a perfectionist if it is unproven up to this point if you can even make a thing.”

read bad stories. like genuinely i’m such a petty spiteful person oops so. i don’t really seek them out much but reading like, really really badly written work is like “well, if that’s the bar, at least i’ve cleared it.” obviously don’t go attacking creators or posting the work to make fun of it, but read it. maybe make notes of exactly why it’s bad for yourself, even, it might help you get better at identifying problems in your own work if you can figure out why things are bad beyond just “i don’t like it.” there, that sounds less mean, right?

just post your shit, tbh. put it out there. most people on the internet, in fandoms, they’re nice, if you curate your space properly. it’s a confidence boost! put something out there that’s less-than-perfect, get a couple of kudos and realize the world didn’t implode, and maybe, maybe it’ll be easier to start/finish next time.

you kinda just gotta accept that you need practice, my dude. like. you can’t closer to perfect without work!! we know this!! just do it. i know i just said to post things but also if you hate what you made no one!! else!! has!! to!! know!! it can be a secret. it’s okay. this coming from a chronic oversharer lol i have the worst time trying not to shove my stuff at people….which, actually, kinda worked better as motivation for me, bc i couldn’t share something unfinished, so i had to Do The Thing in order to get validation/feedback/critique like i wanted. so either way, whatever works better for you.

The End

so yeah, those are my answers, i guess? i hope that makes sense and helps and everything!! i’m really sorry you’re in a rut, that’s the worst. if you have any more questions or just wanna chat about what you’re writing feel free to come say hi again!

[fearofahumanplanet]

hello and how are you?

we are here to give you some love back! :D

10 | 13 | 29 | 32 | 37 | 46

Also Known As: The Not Yet Dead Author @365runesofwriting

Holy hell that's a few questions. Hey Rune, I'm doing well - how are you??

"10. Do you set yourself deadlines?"

Yes, yes I do. For example, I plan on finishing Serpents' first draft by the end of December. It's a great way to keep myself on pace and motivated. Gotta be particularly hard on myself on that front :P

"13. Describe your writing process from idea to polished"

Oh boy. Okay, buckle in

Step 1 - get idea, usually in a situation where I can't write it down bc my Muse hates me

Step 2 - remember idea six months later if it's any good, write it down in story ideas doc

Step 3 - Two years later, scroll through list of story ideas when I finish a project and go "yes! this one! this one fits my brain worms and will for the next six or so months!"

Step 4 - buy twelve six-packs of Fanta

Step 5 - spend three all-nighters obsessively researching and coming up with characters

Step 6 - spend a week outlining and forget all my adult responsibilities

Step 7 - take a few days off when i remember i have an adult life, realize the characters don't like the plot i've outlined and re-write it

Step 8 - give up on perfecting the outline out of impatience and start writing the first draft

Step 9 - don't see the sun for six months

Step 9.5 - realize the characters still don't like plot and resort to improvising as they go off my carefully-planned rails, having to constantly adjust the plot on the fly as they do batshit insane nonsense

Step 10 - Finish a first draft. Go and write something else, take a few months off

Step 11 - thebrainwormsarenesting.jpeg

Step 12 - come back with an "objective" perspective and go through editing, sometimes rewriting the whole damn thing if my characters are still bitchy

Step 13 - rinse and repeat until I reach the third or fourth draft and decide it's completed to my satisfaction (it's not - but if i don't lie to myself I'll never stop)

Step 14 - go "that was the worst thing I've ever experienced, I'm never doing that again"

Step 15 - get reminded of one of my story ideas three days later and the cycle begins anew

"29. Favourite villain"

Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, though he kinda had a redemption arc. For someone who had a CORRUPTION arc, see Jinx from Arcane.

(Yes I did two, shush)

"32. Most difficult character to write"

Badb, because she's way smarter than I am and having to come up with a bunch of ludicrous machinations and 4d chess plays that actually makes sense is absurdly difficult. The girl needs to calm the hell down

"37. First sentence of your current WIP"

"O Muse, voice of Melpomene, she whom deals in tragedy and loss… shine thine weeping eyes towards those serpents sequestered; reveal to me a love written in blood, and hide not from me the deepest depravities of broken beasts; let this vilified vessel lighten the deceitful burden that buried them."

(Yes, I quite literally did an ode to a Muse in the style of Odyssey and Illiad for Serpents)

"46. Do you reread your own stories?"

Sometimes on accident. I'll go back to edit some tiny thing, or I'll go back to fact-check something for a convo, and then I'll sit there for an hour re-reading the whole thing. I don't do it on purpose, but it is very nice to know the stories are engrossing, bc they sure do fucking ensnare me every time

Thanks for the asks!

[taegularities]

here for a quick writing rant: would you happen to have any editing advice? i feel like this used to be the easiest part for me, and maybe it's just because i'm relearning how to do all this so i'm overthinking, but i came into the month thinking i'd finally be able to launch this thing because i had all of my scenes mostly done and fleshed out. instead i've spent the past several weeks completely hung up on filler and nitpicking sentences, and it feels like this is taking longer than the initial writing which, like, UGH. i know i'll have to eventually just pull the trigger and publish before i get caught in the loop of nitpicking it to death, but i know i tend to be very dialogue-forward so it just needs a little more body before i can get to that point. but this should be SIMPLER. HOW DO YOU DO THIS SO EFFICIENTLY (tldr: i'm jealous and ily 😭)

ah well, when i update you guys about a fic and tell you that i'm editing, it sounds easy enough, right? but honestly, it's the hardest thing for me to do, too :') like, i'm not too nitpicky while writing, bc i always tell myself, "ah i can brush it up later, it's okay. it's just a first draft."

but then when it actually comes to editing? d*ath 💀 it's really freaking hard, no doubt, but i think the easiest way to get around it is to be confident about your writing and to know your fic doesn't have to be perfect – like, that's not an easy thing to do, but it helps to not overthink all scenes and sentences too much.

what i'd also do is just leave the doc alone for a while.. like, you've probably read it so many times that you can't stand it anymore lol so it'd be good to let it marinate and then come back to it. and then, read through it, add the bits that you find make your story better and then hit post !! the best way to learn how to write and/or edit is with time, i'd say... the more you'll post, the more you'll learn (like i very fkn much hate how i wrote my first few fics, but we're learning... i still am !! i change up my writing style every now and then 😭)

BUT YOU GOT THIS. please don't be jealous, editing is literally the hardest part for me, and i just know you can do it !! :'')

[tommybaholland]

Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara 

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy. 

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool. 

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game. 

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him. 

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously. 

are you alive?? 

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara 

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15 

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle. 

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings. 

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.” 

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right. 

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

 there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously. 

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.” 

“wow, that’s great!” 

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.” 

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.” 

“you never let me down!” 

 his smile never let you down. 

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky. 

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing. 

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them. 

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them. 

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all. 

-

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood. 

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol 

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started. 

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing. 

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes. 

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol 

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus 

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though 

thank you i hope its going well 

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning. 

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more. 

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would. 

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement. 

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part. 

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :) 

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid? 

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to. 

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now 

was it okay though? 

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true? 

-

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news. 

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on 

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now 

oh well that’s great! 

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore. 

you had your priorities and suga had his. 

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared. 

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too 

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him. 

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect. 

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him 

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume? 

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him? 

Yeah could you? 

yeah sure!

Yay thanks! 

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out. 

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating. 

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious. 

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month. 

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him. 

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life. 

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara  

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!” 

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it, 

you were in love with koshi sugawara. 

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to. 

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way? 

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon. 

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him? 

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals? 

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :) 

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

 wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet. 

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata 

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult 

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings? 

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

-

it was the friday before the finals game. 

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months. 

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team. 

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.” 

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious. 

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi. 

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there. 

-

you didn’t get much sleep that night. 

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most. 

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it. 

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it. 

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top. 

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success. 

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up. 

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you. 

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did. 

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory. 

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair. 

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first. 

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him. 

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..

[machinegunbun]

this is based on a true story and i feel stupid typing out this novel

I slept with someone miles from home whenever I was 21 who looked suspiciously like Colson some details have been edited in order to protect identities/obscure timelines

Also shitty and boring it’s a rough draft forgive my URL also thought I could changw it when I made it omg

I’m gonna send this in pieces bc it just disappeared (I can’t take the hint omg)

~££~

The sound of pans clanging against a cold, concrete floor snap you back to your senses and also prompt you to press a Bluetooth earbud further into your brain, to drown it all out and get back to the flow. As the beat pounds on and on into your canal, aggressive lyrics soothing your movements into a ballet-esque orchestra repeating the task in front of you, you begin wrapping prepped food like a machine once again. Although burns, cuts, and bruises sting across your body (some of your trade, some for fun, and some from flat out vices) you pay no mind, as it is keeping you heavily grounded; Just as well, the crisp, wet, refreshing air (just faintly tinged with cigarette smoke,) of the emergency exit door wide open billow against your back, providing necessary healing and much needed relief from the aching muscles underneath your ratty shirt.

In the middle of your last piece of the steam table puzzle, you realize someone must be smoking this cigarette you smell? And it had been quite some time since your last, so it made you suddenly grit your teeth at the craving. Quickly checking the clock, you realize it is midnight, and you’re likely the last 2 in the store, so you need to hurry it up and finish cash drop. After all, it would be a long walk home in Cleveland, Ohio sleet.

You are jarred from your thoughts with a frigid, slender finger hooking your headphones around them and out of your ears. As you realize what Chipotle veteran is still left standing alongside you, you quickly pause the music and wipe your hands on a nearby towel before turning to face him.

“My bad I’m not done yet, if I’m holding you up Colson. I only have to stick this in the walk in, and count registers.”

A chuckle escaped the blonde don. He threw his hands up, so that you had to look up to see the tall, mysterious creature, as if to surrender. “I’m not a boss man, take your time. I just wanted to see if you needed a square. It’s been since lunch rush you had a break.” He stops to look at you sternly, although in fascination. “And you were here before me.”

“That’s okay,” you reassure, stacking bowls in your arms neatly, “I have to go by the gas station after this to get some.”

Colson begins snatching things from you to pace alongside you towards the cooler. “Let me help you. Take a break, I’ll GIVE you a cig, dude.”

You cringe at dude, because that is how everyone saw you no matter how many days you came in with make up and a clean apron. Nevertheless, you were grateful, and you told him as much.

You had become comfortable in the job itself the past 18 months, and you knew every employee from sheer silent and thoughtful observation, but you were sure this was the most you had talked to Colson (or the other, less attractive crew either, for that matter) and weren’t quite as content with small talk or favors. You noted sometime last week he must be having a hard time when you had to step on the line for him after an altercation with a customer, which he walked out over. First time in a year and a half, so you knew it must be serious.

Once the task was completed, Colson abruptly grabs you by the arm and forces a menthol into it.

“Let’s do that first and then we’ll blow this joint.” Ever the jokester, as he says this, he winks and pulls a joint from behind his ear.

“You got tricks,” I laugh

We walk out the back and Colson hops up onto a stack of Buffalo Rock crates to light the J. You walk a safe distance from him to light your much appreciated cigarette.

“So you don’t talk much,” Colson hisses, taking a big inhale, before continuing as he keeps the joint from running, “but I know you smoke, cause your backpack always REEKS, dude.” He cracks a smile, eyes low and beautiful eyelashes glistening in the flurries swirling around you.

You nod in acknowledgement, no sense denying that. “It’s for my glaucoma,” you joke dryly.

Colson snorts and chokes before leaning out with the bud to pass it.

“So how you be doing that shit all day? Lifting dishpans bigger than you and shit, doubles 6 days a week?” Colson inquires, and if it weren’t wishful thinking you would say he was checking you out. Hopefully not just to see if you’re a robot.

You smile meekly. “Well, you do it, too,” you remind.

“Yeah but I’m not a girl. I’m… Well, look at me,” he boasts playfully from atop his King of the Hill stack, arms spread out to show off, as the makeshift throne wobbles slightly below. “I’m six-foot-foe,” he smirks, holding fingers up as he annunciates.

You have to laugh at his gloating. “Well, as long as I want to eat, I’ll be here,” you dismiss as gently as you can. try as you might, This brings up the uncomfortable memory of your first month here, when Colson silently pushed a plate of steak towards you on your break after watching you struggling to stay vertical.

Colson knits a brow as brushes your fingertips softly to take the blunt back. “Another question, do you really be walking home, alone, in this shit every night?” He motions to the snow beginning to swirl.

“Yeah, I do what I have to. It was rough at first, now it’s like meditation. Only, like, 15 minutes,” you dismiss. You know you could have a car by now if you could give up the pills, and you feel the shame, all too familiar, welling up like a tight ball in your stomach.

“Well I can tell you you ain’t doing that shit tonight,” he affirms seriously, “cause I got a whip now!” His tone of concern Cascades easily info one of excitement.

You’re blushing now, whyyy? You’d been able to avoid everyone up to this point, sans your dealer. “You really don’t have to do that,” you say, though the wind off your face did sound more and more intoxicating as it whipped around the two of you.

“I INSIST,” he barks, putting the roach out between two fingers.

You make quick work of counting the registers while Colson stared on, expression unreadable. You grow more self conscious with each single you lay down , but try to ignore it.

“Damn, you a pro at this,” he snorts, sticking the same stack of hundreds through the bill counter over and over. “You one with the bands or something. Almost faster than this thing,’ he motions to the machine on the desk.

"And that’s a wrap,” you conclude, stacking drawers inside the safe with a quickness. “I’m just gonna change and we can leave.”

Cautiously and curiously, Colson stands in the doorway, waiting.

“Oh, my bad, you might wanna do that in private,” he smirks, stepping to the side.

Quickly you pull the door closed to the tiny office and pretend you aren’t trying to see if Colson is looking thru the small glass window, while you quickly strip to a crop top, sweatpants and a light jacket. Once finished, you attempt to gather your composure, and exit to find him scrambling to gather his as well.

You head in silence to his car, a used ‘96 Toyota. Once inside, Colson shakes and rubs his hands together, flicking a heater on immediately. “Sh-it, it is freezing,” he remarks, warming his hands by his mouth, eyes grazing across you, “aren’t you dying in that??” He motions to your flannel.

“Business as usual,” you say. If only he knew how many pharmaceuticals and trauma went into that demeanor.

“Shid, fuck that,” he resists, and begins digging in his backseat. “Here, this is Slim’s, wear it to make me feel better.”

You slip the jacket over your lap and give a nod of appreciation. You hated feeling like a homeless hopeless.

Colson reaches for the auxiliary cord and stops himself from pulling his phone from his pocket. You try hard not to stare at his briefs peeking over his belt.

“Let’s see what you’re bobbing your head to all day,” he smiles, hand out.

You oblige, only to realize who it was paused on.

“Oh, wait, not that playlis–”

“Dawg, is this my shit??” Colson almost screams, although curiously he doesn’t seem creeped out, he’s… Excited?

“Uh…” You bite your lip. “You… Did promote it constantly. Well, still do,” you stammer.

“No, no. Do NOT be embarrassed, this is fuckin sick! Incredible,” he whispers in disbelief, hooking up the cord, as he pulls a devil’s horn with the other hand. “We have a fan!” He triumphs before putting it in reverse and backing away.

“So, I was thinking…” He trails, fingers drumming almost nervously on the steering wheel, “we could hang at my place for a bit? Our names are next to each other on the schedule, so I know you have TWO whole days off, too,” he reminds, almost shutting down any attempt at refusal.

“I have smoke,” you offer, “but no wraps.”

Colson grins big. “Perfect, I got both at the house.”

***

[andypantsx3]

hi andie! i always get inspired to write after reading your fics so i was wondering how your writing process normally goes bc it feels like you pump out fic after fic but still retain that juicy quality!! ex. do you write out a quick first draft (without rereading your work) then revise it a lot after or write a near-perfect first draft then do little revising later? does that make sense LOL

Omg hi!! Ahhh thank you so much, I'm so happy to be even the littlest bit of help!! I'd really love to read your stuff if you're ever comfortable sharing!! 💕❤️💝

Generally, I do write a fairly quick first draft that comes out like absolute garbage. Like not even being modest, it's straight trash. Then I will give myself a couple days of distance from it and go back and edit, and usually there is a LOT that needs changing. Sometimes I can spend more time editing than I did even writing the first draft lol.

Sometimes though, like with the villain Shouto fic I just did, I just slap it on the internet without editing it because I am too excited lol. As you can tell by all the corrections I very publicly had to make RIP.

Anyway, if you're looking for advice, I recommend finding your own process that works for you! Just because I edit a bunch doesn't mean your first drafts will need as much work as mine. You'll know generally when you feel comfortable with a piece and it's not always the same for each one.

And be aware that what's important to you about the piece you're writing can change from moment to moment. Stay in touch with your own feelings—are you more excited to share than to have something cleaner, and are you comfortable with going back and correcting things later? Then publish without edits this time! Would you rather have something more polished this time? Then sit on it and give it a few rounds of look-over first.

I really hope this helps and/or satisfies your curiosity!! And thank you for being such a sweetheart to me. 💕

[mackenzielovee]

hi! i actually sent a similar question to @lurkymurker but i was wondering if you have any tips on writing in general, and writing male characters? i rllyyyy wanna start writing and you and her are my fav writers here <3

hi there! i really appreciate the love, and Ri is fantastic. Thank you for the support! im putting in a cut bc i typed a lot lol

I'd say first and foremost, don't feel like you have to write. Let the ideas come to you, and then sit down and write until you don't feel it anymore. It's kinda hard to explain that feeling, but you'll recognize it when you start writing. Don't rush it and don't feel pressured to do it.

Rough drafts are your friend!!! I write little notes to myself like this line sucks or change this and it really helps me when i go back in later to edit and/or change things. (maybe be nicer to yourself than i am to myself lmao)

Don't feel like everything has to be perfect the first time around, or even when it's done. It's really easy on here to feel like every word has to be exactly right, because some people can be mean, but most people are going to love whatever it is you put out.

Male characters. They're tough to write, even when you have experience with the species (lol). Personally, i think flaws make them. some flaw in their life that they maybe learn to work through with the love interest, perhaps? Also, don't overthink them. men are simple creatures, and to make them believable, write them as such. i often listen to my dad and my brothers talk to each other when i need little pieces of male conversation for a story, and trust me, it's not the most intelligent (i don't mean that in a mean way, but they're not talking about classic novels and art).

Take it easy on yourself! Don't get discouraged because maybe one idea didn't pan out. It's your story, and even if you write it and don't get the attention you want, you still did something amazing. Writing is very, very challenging and you should be proud of yourself.

Please tag me (if you feel comfortable) in whatever you write if you post it on here! I'd love to read it and give you feedback. I'm sure it will be great! I'm here if you ever need anything, editing advice, to talk through an idea, formatting your stories, anything. I check in on here at least 10 times a day lol so shoot me a message if you want to. You got this!!

[wr0temyway0ut]

7 17 20 22 24 28 37 for the 40 Questions Meme for Fic Writers!

Hey have i mentioned lately that i freaking love and miss you

This post got very long so answers below the cut! 

(40 Questions Meme for Fic Writers)

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Tbh I’m proud of most of my work but recently I’m especially proud of this bit from Tiny Symphonies (warnings for implications of disordered eating and depression, mentions of blood and stitches): 

Bobby wants to tell Luke that he knows exactly how he feels, that he’s been in his shoes before. That he knows how pointless it feels to take care of yourself when the people who were supposed to do that for you—who were supposed to love you unconditionally— just don’t anymore. That he’s not alone; that Bobby stopped eating and sleeping and showering too, obsessing over what he could have done better, what would have made him more worthy of love. But he’s never told anyone that, not even Alex, and no one’s ever asked. Bringing it up now would make this about him, and it’s not about him, it’s about Luke. There’s no point in treating a faded scar when there’s an open gash that still needs stitches.

Just because I’m a screenwriter by trade, so most of my writing is action and dialogue, and I was sort of worried that I’d lost my touch for internal monologue or really anything that can’t be seen or heard on screen, but I think I did really well with this introspective take on Bobby, if I do say so myself.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish or do you write the scenes out of order?

Start to finish! Mostly bc with fanfic I generally don’t outline or plan ahead so I’m just seeing where the writing takes me, but even with my academic/professional work I find it hard to skip around between scenes.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

For fanfic: on my phone in bed at midnight. For everything else, on my back porch on with my cat in my lap.

22. Choose a passage from one of your older fics and edit it into your current style.

Aha okay here’s a rewritten bit from my single Good Omens fic Lift Home? I wrote in 2019 (I refuse to go any older than that)

They sit in silence for a good deal of the ride, Aziraphale clutching his books as if doing so can control Crowley’s reckless careening through the city.

As they near the bookshop, Crowley slows down ever so slightly, not that the change would be perceptible to any being without their heightened senses. Still, Aziraphale relaxes the tiniest bit, and deems it safe to break the silence.

“That really was very kind of you.”

“I said don’t mention it.”

“Well, I won’t bring it up again, but I do want you to know…” He places a gentle hand over Crowley’s on the steering wheel. “That was the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

A spike of panic shoots through Crowley’s chest. Without thinking, he wrenches the steering wheel to the right, pulling his hand away from the angel’s and sending the Bentley crashing around the corner. He slams on the brakes in front of Aziraphale’s bookshop, just barely missing a fire hydrant.

With as much indifference as he can muster, Crowley drawls, “Here you are.”

24. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

I don’t think I have, thought lately I’ve been seriously considering orphaning my old Hamilton fics. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because the rare email notification that someone has commented on them makes me happy.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

 @martialwriter do you count? Is this for specifically fanfic? Idk if you write fanfic but I will say it was a freaking honor to read your early drafts of the Guardians and make films with you bc you’re such a great writer. Also @a-tomb-with-a-view was sort of the first jatp writer I read when I was getting into the fandom and they continue to write astonishing pieces. I owe my entire good dad!Caleb au to @siriuslyrose and her absolutely delightful fic Are You For Me or Against Me. And @satisfictiion my old buddy from the hamilton days who is now writing a jatp percy jackson au that’s so fun and intriguing and has me on the edge of my seat. I know it said only three but also @kybee1497 and @on-irratia deserve appreciation to

37. Talk About Your Current WIPs

Ooooh boy there’s so many. So I’ve got Heart of a Dancer and The Parent Trap which are already published and in progress (i’m working on the next chapter of Heart of a Dancer rn). Honestly I have so many WIPs rn it’s just easier to post screenshots of my list

The ones I’ve actually started are the Vagabond, Finally Free, and Teenagers Scare the Living Shit Out of Me, but I’m very excited to get to the other ones. (edit: I just realized Unconditional Love has no explanation lmao, it's about Alex finding out his parents have changed and being pissed about it, framed by the song "Unconditional Love" by Against Me!)

As a bonus, here’s all the titles I went through for Tiny Symphonies before I settled on one:

[itscinnafox]

STORY NOTES [akafuri] : By The Next Sunrise

Because I had sooooo much fun doing this with a friend (@miss-cactus) :] (also being the first collab' work that's posted) and had a lot of messy notes and drafts, it's just so precious to me not to ramble about it >w< also plenty of fun times in just 2 and half months despite life biting my ass at the same time, totally my stress relief lol. Also, this story really isn't just some cheesy stuff for the sake of romance. It's genuine love (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾

Read the story here in AO3 Summary: On the way to his brother’s house, the spring showers had begun again. With an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world. Furihata smiled. He would find out. Perhaps by one of the next sunrises.

.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ. Rambles undercut ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ .☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.

FIRSTLY, @miss-cactus has all my gratitude ♡(ŐωŐ人) without her; AkaFuri will be stranded in France LOL! Seriously, I'll just dump them in some random village in France and just maybe not even finish this story at all even. The time she took to find me a place, translate, edits and also judging me for my description of the place LOL yep... total life saver. With her help it really motivated and inspired me a lot! She's the oil to my car............. you get the idea :] .

BONUS, she's also a translator and translated many amazing works, basically a deity, breathing life back into them. Also, she has original works too :D check 'em out, it's cute! It's in French, but they're easily translated, she's that good! (๑>◡<๑) her AO3

WEIRD FACT, I also had a short break up with my boyfriend of 7 years while writing this. LOL. I was so upset but I got motivated by the similarities, that when he asked for us back I was like 'But-but the similarities though!' but I love him....bleeegh. So I said yes, and we're better than before. YAY!

๑ Story Base ๑ The idea popped when I was listening to 'The sun after washed by spring rain' by Wang Lee Hom on a rainy day on my day off, and florist Akashi just looks so beautiful lol and the rest just came up.... and I really wanted this vibe for AkaFuri something incredibly soft and warm~ just cozy >w< huehue~

This story sets in Spring, spring here, spring there~ Spring is the breath of new life, basically Furi's story lol.

I was also aiming for this story to be short and a bit poetic...... LOL then 11k words later I just gave up and was like: well, if AkaFuri wanna romance then who are we to say no? (Akashi will shave my hair in my sleep lol)

๑ Playlist ๑ Play on Youtube The playlist is by order according to each part within the story. I really love to ramble about this since music is my inspiration for a lot of things and the vibe of the whole premise, section of their development and perspectives.

☆ 11 : 11 by Taeyeon Introducing Furihata's little sob lol and Furi's perspective. After Furihata breaks up with his girlfriend (who again, have no significant in his life what so ever), he goes through the phase on moving forward. It really isn't him moving forward with his feelings for her though, it's just him moving forward from the familiarity of being with her in his life. With her gone, he finally reconnects with who he is, like in this passage : "However, somehow with just a fling of his bag onto the island top threw him years back. He has not always been this tidy and clean." Furihata had basically lived his life to accommodate to those around him. (I wanna stress that Furi wasn't forced into a relationship or was it abusive. It was just a relationship with someone whom Furi had no infatuation for. It just so happens she wanted to date him after the wintercup, and Furi is just like 'yea ok?' but really he didn't exactly thought it through.)

So this is where Furihata moves on from the familiarity. He cries because they dated lol, but really he's just confuse.

☆ The Sun After Washed By Spring Rain by Wang Lee Hom Exactly one year after Furi's break-up. The source of this story idea lol. Also, Furi's perspective. The title and the song is literally what it meant; the sun after the spring rain which brings in new beginnings. I present you, this passage of the story: "Instead, with an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world."

☆ Reunite by Jordie Power I present you, when Akashi appeared and Furihata's crush on Akashi just awakened and go haywire LOL! In this AU, Furihata has genuine feelings for Akashi. They were long time friends, and there were even a few emphasis of their friendship through high school but because Furihata has a girlfriend and Akashi respected that (although most times, in my brain, is just Akashi crying to Kuroko LOL!)

☆ Passage by Miyano Mamoru Furihata and Akashi's similarities. The song is basically about finding yourself as you age, the experiences you go through as you age (i'm 27 and i'm still confuse lol) Even though this story focuses on Furihata a lot and little less on Akashi except for little hints here and there, Akashi was just as lost as Furihata.

Random thought (as I type this), my boyfriend had told me this before "Even though we don't need each other, and do well on our own. We have friends but it's so different. Is just something different to have someone you love around, so to an extend, I really do need you and to share everything with you, it really makes me happy." it really is something different to have someone by your side especially when you found someone. (p/s: you definitely don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete. you complete yourself okay? :3) Furi and Akashi have been in-love since high-school, they have accomplished a lot on their own but in a passage, they both felt lost and felt like something was 'empty' that was because they were still in-love, and they met each other and truly want to spend their life together and share everything.

☆ Moonlight by Miyano Mamoru Mmmmmm~ the juice. This is Akashi's perspective when he wants to romance Furihata (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗)՞ and of course, sneakily confesses to him. OH MY GOODNESS! THIS IS LITERALLY THE PART THAT I'VE BEEN DYING FOR! and wrote it sooooo many times. I wanted it steamy and a little desperate after their long pent-up-frustration unprofessed love, without making it 'explicit' kind of way. So I hope I captured it right lolol.

☆ Make Me Love You by Taeyeon Furihata's feelings towards Akashi. I was pondering on a song that would fit Furihata's pull towards Akashi and how Akashi makes him feel every time. No other songs seems to feel like then I was randomly humming to this song while I was working and this is perfect! Also, a wonderful vibe.

I think it has been emphasised a lot on how Furihata reacts to Akashi, how he blushes like crazy, how he also subconsciously wants Akashi to make him fall in love with him. Because deep down, as again, Furihata genuinely loves Akashi but he was never daring enough to do it and since Akashi had never showed any indication, so Akashi had to confess in order for Furihata to be brave enough to smack their lips together to confess too.

☆ Je Fais De Toi Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire Infinitely bless @miss-cactus (and her naughty brother lol) for this! This is song is seriously sooooo beautiful ;w; I don't care if reader's don't listen to the playlist, but OH MY GOD! If nobody had listened to this, is seriously missing out. (just as a song in general is beautiful) and the lyrics are just akjsfhakjsfhaf AKASHI'S WORDS! In Akashi's perspective and the song that Akashi sang to when they were in the car, and Cactus chose the perfect line for it ;w;

This song basically concludes everything!!! From their feelings for each other since high-school and all the way until the day they die! It's basically everything I wanted this story to be about, just their pure love for one another and to share their happiness together ;w;

Also, I want to point out in regards of Furihata's decision on staying in France. It's really not just a spontaneous and reckless decision lol. As stated and shown in the story, Furihata is somewhat a successful person with a career, but Furihata has other passion and interest which he seemed to enjoy doing which is photography and Akashi notices this. Even though with a career, at a time some will have a change of heart. So if Furi wants to stay in France with Akashi, he has thought it through enough, and can afford to even live by even without Akashi's money lolol. ๑ Premises ๑ Cactus, without her, AkaFuri will be hobos. I . AM . NOT . KIDDING ! She just whip out the map of France and pin point me to everything! I didn't ask for that but her soul is made from angel clay and she showed me this beautiful town, and I am floored! I didn't feel that much motivation and inspiration before o(≧∇≦o)

So why not Paris? XD 1, I didn't want Paris, I wanted a natural, country/cottage vibe and not the city. 2, proven by Cactus, "actual paris : if you want a cup of coffee you have to give up your wife and your 2 children bc it's way too expensive" (XD actually there's more but those parts are only between us lol) 3, I want to pull Akashi from his usual portrayal of rich and luxurious life style. I mean.... he's still rich, just not lavish in that lifestyle. In here, Akashi's basically bare as a canvas, and painting it on his own. 4, I google mapped Paris.... and if anything, Akashi and Furihata will probably get run over by traffic LOLOL! 5, we hate the crowds lolol and we'd do anything to drown the citizens for AkaFuri to be alone. I'm not even gonna be discreet about this xD.

☆ Mornac-Sur-Seudre This main village, is the most beautiful town picked by Cactus. It's not so 'in the face' although not so splashed in a lot of colours (except for the oyster huts), it is a very vibrant village. We totally fell in love with it. It's quiet, and not a lot of villagers, so it's perfect for AkaFuri to have their stroll hand in hand (人 •͈ᴗ•͈) They're also very famous for their oysters LOL! So yeah..... Akashi fed Furi oysters.... because....it's yummy.... LOL! Video reference here. There's another beautiful video but I can't find it no more. ;; Other references; here, here and here.

☆ Seagull Train Furihata loves train (and so do I) and since the train exists here! WHY THE HELL NOT?! I really love writing this part! I fell in love with the department Cactus picked and everything was so perfect and beautiful. Pictures and videos of it was just so breath taking ;w; and it's a steam train! I've never ride one before, but I have been into exhibits in the train museum. The smell is amazing lol. It's like sniffing my humidifier......but bigger.

This is the train I had saw mostly from it. the 030 T 3 from 1891. It's still operational so choo-choo!!! they go!

Video reference ; here Train reference; here, here Other references; here, here, here and here.

☆ Saintes & Royan These two towns are what's closest to Mornac. I didn't have much on Royan because Saintes had a beautiful charm, so this is where they would have their wonderful date <3 and talk a little bit about their feelings.

Cactus correcting me on the description on the city as I just woke up from my sleep, is seriously a way to wake up in the morning at 5am XD LOLOL!!

There's a few churches too, and has an interesting history from the Roman empire :D really intriguing.

The bridge where they have their little confession in high-school (◡‿◡✿)

This video here, absolutely pretty!

☆ Akashi's Floristry; Fleurs d’acacia Cactus picked out the most beautiful name! "So either L’acacia (just the tree) or Fleurs d’acacia (acacia flowers)" The Acacia because it rhymes with Akashi's name : Aca - as in 'Aka' in Akashi. Ci - as in sea...because they're near the ocean. A - as in....... h(a)m because Cactus said so... and I can't even disagree because it's where Furi getting some of those..... meat....because Akashi's ham.....like his meat.......y'know..... We're very dignified ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

The design of Akashi's 3 story shop/studio/apartment..... I really don't have any reference, it's all in the head LOLOL! Akashi basically lives in simplicity, his shop all on the ground floor, and the second floor is his art studio where paints and do whatever he wants. Finally the third floor is where he stays, it was wasn't very detailed but it's very spacious and cozy >w<!

☆ The Drive-in theatre Bruuuuuh......the confession is the thing! Akashi sneaking in his opportunity to confess. What more is there need to be said? AkaFuri : mlemlemlemlemlemlemlemlem~

Ohh~ Akashi's pretty Bentley of course.

☆ The Landes The finale of their romance ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. I think we all know what a Volkswagen van looks like LOL! And they had the funky in the van and Akashi took Jean's advice with the bamboo charcoal.

Cactus showed this pretty place and I'm just ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Of course I'd really like to say it again. Furihata's decision to stay with Akashi was really not for the sake of a 'happy ending' or so. They've had deep feelings for each other since high-school and bonded closely, but Akashi didn't show any indication of romantic interest out of respect for Furihata's relationship, and Furihata knowing nothing about Akashi's mutual feelings just kept his feelings to himself. As told by the story, Furihata has a career and stable income. But even though his life is dandy in Tokyo with his job, that doesn't mean it's something he wants to keep pursuing or maintain, as we age, we search for something else to add into our experience. Not to say that we're forever unsatisfied, it's just how life is. We accomplish something, and we move on to another thing, and then another and another. It's really something beautiful about it, and life's just us exploring :] In Akashi and Furihata's case, is that they've already have what they wanted, a life of their own, choosing their own path and what they don't have was each other and now that they've bonded and opened up themselves, they can finally pursue another beautiful life together (>*^▽^*<)

๑ Book, Night on the Galactic Railway by Kenji Miyaza ๑ This is a real book. Also, my favourite! There is an anime as well, but if anyone wants the PDF feel free to drop me a DM and I'll give it to ya'.

In here, the story of the galactic railway impacted their lives a little bit differently. With Akashi the loss of his mother and Furihata to live the last adventure before death.

It is shown they have extreme love for this book, and it really is a beautiful book and there's just endless things to talk about, as it is place in an infinite travel of the train through the galaxy, meeting new people, seeing new things, the mysteries of stories and making meaningful relationship despite never being able to see them again.

The sentiment of Giovanni and Campanella is also similar to Akashi and Furihata. Before anything else, they want to have their adventure together before eventually parting their ways (and i really mean, until death do them apart.)

๑ Other Juices ๑ There some nitty stuff that aren't just there for show xD Well, kind of but there's some sentiments and stuff so...

☆ The Sunflower Maybe because I'm bias to sunflowers LOL! But Furihata is pretty with yellow! Sunflowers with darker brown florets are absolutely beautiful. The pendent I had in mind was literally the one I had when I was a kid (but I donno it's gone now lol). I googled other sunflower pendent but it's ugleh...

It associates with the theme of this story which is 'Sunrise' as in new beginnings, Furihata's fresh start to pursuing the person he actually loves.

Sunflowers also grow towards the sun. They radiate pure joy and positivity. They also symbolise unwavering faith and unconditional love; which is AkaFuri's undying love here despite the years.

Sunflowers are also given to show their deepest to the person, so Akashi gift him a sunflower :3 also because Furi looks pretty in yellow, fight me.

In chinese myth, sunflower are best for business... So with Furi around, Akashi's business will bloom LOLOL!

Funfact: In greek myth, a nymph named Clytie fell deeply in love Apollo, god of the sun. Although Clytie was beautiful by nymph standards, Apollo did not reciprocate her feelings, or acknowledge it. (except Akashi appreciates Furi's love okay?) After days of hopeless devotion, the nymph then transformed herself into a sunflower and constantly turned towards the sun so she could always be with the one she loved (Furihata's chasing sunrises because Akashi is there ok?).

☆ The Happy Street Cats :D This is actually a real book I have, a gift by my teacher before I leave S.Korea. The passage idiom is extracted by this page as well.

The front cover of the book is also yellow.

Yellow : Sunrise + Sunflower.

There's so much yellow in this story LOL!

☆ The Movie Cactus : Idol movie Me : *internal screaming* I swear we are always soooooooo close to making this whole thing crack XD

This scene is a real brain wreck lololol. (Still contemplating if it was romantic enough)

☆ Akashi's Florist number I extracted that number from an oyster restaurant LOLOL! Thankfully Cactus changed it.... we were planning on a crack bonus in which, Furihata orders oysters before calling Akashi.

It didn't happen. But if it did.

Furihata will order some oysters. And not regret it.

*Akashi judging*

☆ French Dialogues + Akashi teaching Furihata French Bless Cactus, she's my happiness now. I have no idea how many weird noises were coming out from our mouths just to understand how the French consonant 'R' sounds like to put it into words LOL! XD Without her, it'd be a disaster.

We were looking at other romantic phrases and found the perfect one ;w;

“Je suis ton bonheur.” means "I am your happiness" (oh god, google translate voice just keeps playing in my head LOLOL! help) Which, what else can be said? LOL Akashi's happy ok? Since this story is from Furihata's perspective, I really wanted to put him into the spot of being a foreigner (he speaks english and mandarin lolol just clueless in French, because Akashi is supposed to guide him). So while Cactus work her magic, being the Akashi to my Furihata. I tried to emphasis a lot on the characters expression etc, at least to indicate of what was going on....tbh even I forgot what they were saying. *just as clueless as Furi and Cactus cackling somewhere.

Everything in here is just Cactus being amazing ;w; and pure patience LOLOL!

๑ Side Characters ๑

☆Shérine ............ We butchered the original female side. Her name was Camille.... but I was sooo tempted to name it after *coouugh* :] because it's pretty. Also her hair was blond with hazel-green eyes.... yea we buried her.

Shérine wins now... Shérine is life.

Shérine will be in their wedding.

☆Jean Kirstein (of AOT) It's JEAN! ...........someone gotta tease Akashi with no filter.

(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ FINAL NOTES

The last section when Furihata wakes up and makes his decision, believe it or not, I was in the bus. While typing to Cactus, I was literally shaking in the bus and my eyes stung because of dust and I was in tears. I was between crying and laughing. Finished it at home ;w; Cactus was such a darling through it all.

I really had fun writing this with Cactus ;w; she's the best!!!!!!! And hopefully we'll make some crack stuff because we're hooligans like that XD.

:D BYE!