#bc like i still have that™️ feeling that everything was my fault

[putragismf]

I hesitated to introduce my s/o (now ex) to my friends when I did bc I had this nagging feeling it wouldn’t end well. And I was right

Now they all talk happily and I feel like I’ve lost friends I really really loved… mainly bc they talk to my ex constantly and make excuses on why they haven’t replied ((when I see them active on the chat 48/11))

Trust your gut, guys

[yesimwriting]

oh my god yes i'm very much interested in a drabble about my favourite besties kissing as besties do!!!!!!!!

the one that i really can't stop thinking about is the "i trust you more than anyone else" stuff like it's me and you against the world i'm such a sucker for that!! especially since felix is surrounded by people who wanna be close to him all the time and as easy going and open as he seems with anyone, it's of course on an entirely different level with reader

ugh the intimacy of it all makes me melt i love them😭😭

you get the vision!!

also had to start off a little angstier than usual bc the bestie kiss ™️ is only justifiable if both of them are upset enough to be more focused on being close than anything else, y'know

----

The taste lingers. The bitterness infects all it touches, poisoning you from the inside out as you down the drink that some guy pushed into your hand a few minutes ago.

A familiar warning briefly flashes to the front of your mind. Don't take drinks from strangers...especially not drinks that you didn't see them make. One of a hundred safety rules that you usually adhere to.

You've never really under the self destructive urge after drinking thing. Maybe it's just being tired. Maybe it's just this.

You wipe at your eyes with your palm, only remembering the products you had so carefully applied to your skin a few hours ago after the fact.

"Are you--" A familiar voice cuts through the music. You blink once, but it's not enough to force your eyes to adjust, so you try again. After screwing your eyes shut for a second, you can finally make out the person in front of you. Annabel. "You don't look like you're doing too good."

Your irritation has nothing to do with her, and yet seeing her standing there, effortlessly flawless with a slight edge that just fits here, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. But that's not her fault, so as stabiliy and politely as possible, you answer, "I'm...fine."

She regards you for a moment, eyebrows pinching together in uncertainty. "Why don't we find Felix, yeah?"

Why does everyone always assume that Felix is the solution to all of your problems? "I'm okay," you try again, voice a little more certain, "really."

Annabel still doesn't seem too convinced. She turns her head, scanning the crowded room. It doesn't take long for her to find Felix. It never does.

He's sitting on a loveseat that's been pushed towards the edge of the room. A few people are standing around him, a girl is sitting on the chair's arm, her legs swung over his lap.

"And he seems..." You force your face to remain neutral as your eyes finally land on him. "Busy."

Annabel looks back at you, her lips pressing together. Her expression only adds to your unease. "He wouldn't mind. It's you."

You shake your head, the motion adding to your slight nausea. Usually, you wouldn't think twice about sticking by Felix's side. Especially in this kind of setting, but after the words the two of you exchanged earlier, everything feels off its axis.

You're not used to fighting with Felix. It's such a foreign concept that the strange tension that had you walking away from him earlier probably doesn't even constitute an actual argument. But it's enough to make you feel out of place.

Swallowing once, you force yourself to focus on Annabel. "I think I just need some air." Annabel's still regarding you with uncertainty. "I'll be back in a minute, and if I feel sick or anything, I'll go get Felix." She doesn't move until someone calls her name. "Go. Have fun. I'll see you."

Annabel nods once, giving you a polite smile before leaving.

The door is near where Felix is sitting, which means there's no leaving without walking past him. There's enough of a crowd around him that him not noticing is a likely option, so you feel safe crossing the room.

You push your way through the room, eyes trained on the ground to help your balance. It's also a good excuse to not look at Felix as you reach the door.

There are stragglers--a group of girls chatting and giggling in front of the door, some guys doing shots, a girl in the middle of a phone call that looks painful.

You walk around the side of the house until you find an empty section of the sidewalk. The party feels far away here, even though the only thing dividing you is a few cars, a mailbox, and a streetlight. You sit and let yourself pretend that the bit of distance you've managed to create means something.

You could actually leave. Sure, this is a slightly off campus house party, but it's only a few blocks away from the street that'll take you to your dorm. You did walk here, but that was when you were focused, sober, and you had Felix with you.

But that's--you brought cash. You think. Maybe you should call a cab. It's not the worst idea. You drop your attention to the ground, instinctually searching for your purse.

Ugh. Your purse. Felix. You gave it to Felix.

Okay, you're still an independent person. This is probably for the best. It's never a good idea to leave a party without at least telling the person you came with, and this way it won't be a big deal. You'll ask for your purse so that you can call a cab. He probably won't even care.

You just need a minute to get it together. Then you'll be able to go back in, tap Felix on his shoulder, and get your purse. He won't even have to get that girl off his lap.

It is such a double standard. Felix completely forgetting about you is perfectly fine, but you talk to one person that isn't more Felix's friend than yours at one of these things and that must mean you're trying to replace him as a best friend.

Maybe you've been deluding yourself, convincing yourself that your friendship means more than it actually does. The thought makes it hard to breathe right.

"It's cold out."

Your palms press into asphalt as you snap your head to find the source of the sound. Felix. A lump wedges itself in your throat. "I'm fine." He takes a step forward. "I just wanted some air."

You turn your head, forcing yourself to stare ahead. Soft footsteps, the crunching of asphalt echoes, somehow sharper than the music coming from the house. Felix sits.

He's farther than he usually is.

You lift your hands, taking your time brushing your fingers against your palms to get rid of the debris that indented itself into your skin. "You um--you have my purse, right?" You fold your hands against your lap. "I need my phone. I--I need to call a taxi."

"What?" His voice doesn't come out angry, but there's a flatness there that burrows deep into the pit of your stomach. It almost feels disappointed. "Why?"

You squeeze your hands together, "I want to go home." You still can't look at him. "I want to go back to my room." Your voice starts to crack on the last word. Nails instinctually dig into your knee.

Felix sighs, angling himself towards you, "You don't have to do that." His voice is soft, cautious. "If you want to leave, I'll take you."

"No," you shake your head once, attention still focused forward to keep him from noticing the fact that your eyes are now watering. All of this feels so dumb, so small. Why are you almost crying? "It's okay, you're having fun, I can get back by myself."

He lets out another breath, moving his arm so that his hand sits between both of you. "You're drunk."

"So are you."

A beat of silence that feels like an attempt at admitting that he's more than just drunk. You saw Tyler--or Trevor, or maybe Timothy--wandering the halls. Some guy whose name you can never remember because he only shows up at the end of nights, when you're too out of it to do much more than just be happy. He's known for carrying--and sharing--harder stuff.

Not that you'd know. There's nowhere that Felix won't take you, nothing that he keeps from you. That's part of the beauty of your friendship, the lack of judgement. But Felix isn't fond of you participating in everything all the time.

If you ever show interest in anything on a night that Felix isn't feeling too sure about, he'll offer to get you whatever you want later, when it's just the two of you. Maybe you'd mind his concern if you cared about getting high more.

You can feel Felix's stare, the weight of his full attention. "You don't actually think I'm going to let you go anywhere alone, after drinking, in the middle of the night."

There's a patience there that makes it hard to sit still. You turn your head, finally looking at him, "I'm fine. I can--" You cut yourself off with a slight sniffle.

You wipe at your face with the side of your palm. Felix's eyebrows are pinched together. You don't know what to make of the way he's watching you. Felix lifts his hand, fingers finding their way against your jaw before you can move. "You're upset."

Pressing your lips together, you try to force yourself to look as neutral as possible. "I'm fine." He doesn't move. "You should go back to your party, Felix."

"The party?" His expression briefly contorts in confusion. "I don't care about the party." Your vision is starting to blur. "There are other parties. You're crying." Felix shifts his hand up your face, his thumb brushing against the apple of your cheek.

You try to take a stabilizing breath, "It's not a big deal." You will yourself to move, to rely on him less. "I don't think I'm going to be any fun tonight, you should go, and I--I'll talk you tomorrow."

He frowns. "You don't have to be any fun." Felix shouldn't have to coddle you. Embarrassment and guilt further knot your stomach. "If you want to sit here, we can sit here. If you want to go inside, we can go inside. If you want to go home, we'll go home."

"Earlier," you manage, focusing on keeping your voice as even as possible, "When we--" Tears pool in your eyes, something at the back of your throat constricts. "I didn't--I don't know--"

You're not making sense, forcing out fragments of thoughts that don't work together. Felix seems to understand anyway, his thumb grazing against your cheek. "We don't have to talk about that now." You nod slowly. "If you still want to go home, let me take you."

You attempt a full breath, "But what ab--"

He tilts his head in a way that makes it feel like he's telling you a secret, "If you ask about the party again, I'm calling you delusional."

You roll your eyes. It's a relatively lame threat, but it serves its purpose. The corner of your mouth tugs itself upwards, your lips pressed together to hold in a partial laugh. "Okay."

Felix's hand slips from the side of your face and finds a new place against your shoulder. "Yeah? Let's go then."

He stands first and then extends an arm to help you. His stability makes it easier.

There is no laughter or pausing on sidewalks to try to hold onto each other. The two of you are quiet, but Felix does keep your fingers intertwined the entire way back to his dorm.

You don't think to question where he's taking you until you're in his room. "Felix." The walk had been good for you, the fresh air and time to gather your thoughts providing enough of a reprieve for you to get it together. "I want to go to sleep."

"Yeah," he mumbles, "I know, I'll get you your favorite shirt."

Your eyes focus on the ground. "I think I should sleep in my room tonight."

Felix sighs, turning away from the door. "You're trying to leave again."

The accusation only half makes sense, but there's a quietness to his voice that gets to you. All the nervous, alcohol fueled energy is coming back with a vengeance. "When have I ever left you?"

Felix scoffs, the sound bitter. "You left me tonight." If his voice was any less raspy, any less urging, you likely would have laughed. He's the one that got mad at you. "You just--you walked away from me. Like I didn't even matter to you."

The a thinly veiled sadness there that almost feels nervous. He can't meet your gaze. The pride encouraging you to stand still bleeds from you. Without its heat, its fire, there's not much keeping you stable.

You move forward, footsteps cautious. "Felix." You stretch a hand forward, fingers brushing against his forearm. He doesn't move. "Of course you matter to me. So much." Your fingers bend around his wrist. "You're my best friend."

He turns his arm. Your body tenses, preparing for his rejection. Felix's hand squeezes yours. There's a tension in his hold, but you embrace it all the same. "You walked away from me."

You take another step towards him, freehand finding his arm. "That's why." He sets a hand against you waist. The contact is firm, unforgiving. There's still hurt, but the only thing more unthinkable than holding on is letting go. "What you say means so much to me, because you're my best friend." His fingers press into your side. "And you were upset--and there were so many people--" Tears prick the corner of your eyes. "And I couldn't do that there."

"No." He squeezes your hand. "No, don't--don't cry, we're okay." As if to prove his point, Felix pulls you closer. The movement's too sudden for you to keep your balance on your own. You tighten your hold on Felix's arm. "Still my best girl, yeah?"

This is nowhere near the closest you've ever been to him. He has a hand on your hip, but that's far from the touchiest he's ever been. It shouldn't--he shouldn't be this distracting. It takes you a second too long to remember to nod.

He angles his head downwards, his cheek finding a place against your shoulder. Felix's breath is warm against your neck. "Wouldn't leave me."

You nod, moving your hand to rest against his back. Felix relaxes against you. It's not easy to stay stable with the alcohol still in your system and Felix's weight on you, but you manage.

"No." You mean it so much it almost hurts to get out. You'd never walk away from him. There's nothing like your bond with Felix. You could talk to him, be around him forever without feeling drained. "Of course not."

Felix turns his head, brushing his lips against your neck. "Stay over, then?" The question is soft, fragile. It'd be smart to create distance. If tonight's proven anything, it's that you're too attached to him. "Please?"

You smooth your knuckles against his spine. "Okay." He presses a kiss against your shoulder. "Yeah. I'll stay."

He hugs you even tighter. "No more tears, alright?"

You squeeze him back. "Alright."

For awhile, the two of you stay like that. There's nothing left to say, and that still manages to be comfortable. Silence is never uncomfortable with Felix.

He eventually shifts to place a kiss against the side of your neck. "We should get ready for bed."

You hum once in agreement. Neither of you move. Things are simple when you factor out the rest of the world. Things are easy when it's just you and Felix.

An overwhelming wave of fondness brings you back. As gently as possible, you start the process of untangling limbs. Felix pouts at you, expression drowsier than before.

Your fingers carefully brush his hair out of his face. "I need to change."

Felix fully straightens. His hand finds the back of your head. He pulls you towards him, pressing a kiss against your forehead. "Okay."

He lets go of you before walking towards his dresser. Felix opens the top drawer and finds your usual sleep shirt. You take it before entering his bathroom.

Going out outfits are cute, but there's something about the moment you get home that immediately forces every ounce of discomfort to hit all at once. You shed the restrictive layers before pulling Felix's T-shirt over your head.

You swear there's some kind of rich guy secret to keeping clothes this soft. A combination of fabric, fancy detergent, and some third thing that's reserved for those in the know.

You turn on the sink, ready to wash what's left of the night off of your face. Felix has never gotten rid of or moved anything you've left in here. What's left of your buzz has you more emotional than usual, making the evidence of your life in his space heavier than it should be.

The feeling is good and bad all at once. Your attachment to Felix is the kind of thing that can only come from fully understanding someone. But there's an inherent danger in knowing someone like that, carrying about them like that. Especially Felix, who has everyone so he doesn't need anyone.

You splash some more water onto your face, attempting to shake off any lingering angst. You don't want to dissect your friendship until it eventually falls apart into nothingness.

When you finally step back into his room, Felix is sitting on his bed, back pressed against the wall. He's managed to change into pajama pants, but seems to be struggling with everything else. His shirt's half unbuttoned, and his fingers are actively working at undoing the rest of them. Felix's movements are slow and clumsy as he tugs on the fabric.

Wow. Maybe you were right to think he was high. "Hey." He looks up at you, hands still attempting to pull apart his shirt. There's something endearing about the clumsiness. He drops his head back down to refocus."Do you--uh--do you need help?"

He angles his head to one side, a smile playing at his lips. "Are you asking to undress me?"

Heat burns through your chest, leaving you hollow. You approach his dresser, leaving your neatly folded outfit on the wooden surface. "Figure out your own shirt."

"No," his sigh is light, almost a laugh, "'M kidding." Your glare only seems to add to his easygoing mood. He smiles, dropping a hand to pat the space next to him. "Come here."

You give in with a sigh, crossing the room and sitting at the foot of his bed. He reaches forward, briefly squeezing your shoulder before returning to work on his shirt. It's hard to watch him stumble through undoing a single button, just to have to start the process all over again.

You pull your legs onto the bed, turning to fully face him. Your knee is pressed against his thigh.

"Lovie," he hums, as if your presence is some kind of revelation.

"Felix." He grins, hands releasing his shirt in favor of trying to grasp your arm. "Wait--" His fingers wrap around your wrist. "I'm--trying--" He pulls your hand towards him, placing a kiss against your knuckles. You laugh. "I'm trying to help you."

He tugs on your arm. His pull isn't harsh, but the unexpectedness of it paired with your buzz makes it enough to throw off your balance. Your freehand presses against the mattress in an attempt to stabilize yourself. Felix laughs, tugging on you again.

Fighting your own fit of giggles, you instinctually push yourself onto your knees in an attempt to regain some control. Felix gives you a second to find your footing. You gently pull his hand off of your forearm and set it on his lap. He frowns.

You extend your arms, placing your hands on his shoulders. Part of the reason for it is to help keep you stable, the rest of it is to keep him focused. He looks up at you, eyes pools of hesitant affection. "Stay still."

He lets you reach for his shirt. "Y'don't have to, I'm okay."

Shrugging, you continue to work at unclasping his buttons. "It's okay, I like helping you."

You unbutton the few buttons that are left. "Better?" Felix nods. "I'll get you a pajama shirt."

Before you can get far, Felix grabs your hand. "We're..." He focuses on bending and straightening your fingers. "Good, right?"

There's something soft about the question, almost shy. "Yeah." He turns over your palm, tracing the lines etched into your skin. "Of course we're good." You adjust, crossing your legs beneath you to sit down.

"Honestly, I was thinking about it, and part of the reason I was upset is because..." This is harder to admit than you thought it'd be. "You seemed really okay without me, and that--I don't know. It's dumb, because I really do want you to be happy, but it made me feel a little replaceable, I guess."

"What?"

You sigh, dropping your attention to your intertwined hands. "I know, I said it was dumb." You pause, eyes darting up to look at him. His expression isn't judgmental or like he needs space. You can't fully read his expression, but nothing about the way he's looking at you feels unkind. "I only mentioned it to be honest, I don't like the idea of keeping se--"

He pulls on your arm again, this time his hold a little firmer. You're closer now. Felix's other hand finds your hip, anchoring you in place. You're too confused to do anything but blink at him.

Felix lets go of your arm, fingers finding their way beneath your chin. He angles your head so that all of your attention is on him. Your lips part, a half thought out question is on the tip of your tongue when Felix leans towards you. His lips meet yours.

You're still, shock and something a lot more electric rendering you in capable of anything else. This isn't the first time Felix has pressed his lips against yours. He's affectionate, especially when drinking is involved. He'll brush his lips against yours after taking a shot together, or just because at the end of a long night. It's not an everyday thing, but it's happened from time to time.

This--this isn't that. He's lingering, lips parting so that his teeth can graze against your bottom lip. Felix pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. His thumb brushes across your cheek.

"You're my best friend." Felix's words are so urging, so pleading you nod before you can think. "Best mate. You're the--the only one that gets me. Really gets me." His hand moves to the back of your head, pulling you back to him.

Any sense of hesitance vanishes the second time he kisses you. He's all consuming, lips dragging against yours with a desperate patience that's dizzying. It's disorientating, the desire to be that much closer to someone when there's no way to get there.

Felix's hand finds your back. He pushes you towards him. There's no good way to oblige. You try anyway, shifting your weight back onto your knees. Felix pulls you forward by your waist. You're too focused on him to realize what's happening until you're on his lap.

He takes his time letting you go, teeth tugging on your bottom lip. "I trust you more than anyone." Felix leans back in, placing a quick kiss against your lips. "You're not replaceable." He squeezes your shoulder. "You know that, right?"

Still breathless, you nod. He's watching you with so much patience, so much care it's almost hard to bare.

His thumb smooths circles against your shoulder. "Let's go to bed, yeah?"

You lift his hand off your thigh to press a kiss against the back of his palm. "Yeah, lets go to bed."

He squeezes your shoulder once before letting you go. You move off of his lap carefully.

Felix sits up enough to push his shirt off of his shoulders. Your eyes instinctually fall to his sheets. "Do you want me to get you a shirt?"

"Why? Distracted?"

You roll your eyes in an attempt to the fact that you are struggling to look at him. "Shut up."

He grins as he pulls back his sheets. "M'okay." You take the opportunity to slip beneath the layers of fabric. Felix waits until you're settled to crawl beneath the sheets. "It's warm enough, even with you stealing my blankets."

"I do not," the sentence is more of a mock gasp than anything else. Felix shifts onto his side before collapsing his weight on you. "Felix."

"What?" He rests his cheek against your chest. "This is the only way to keep you from taking my sheets."

You sigh, feigning annoyance as your fingers find his hair. "Rude. I'm a great bed sharer."

Felix lets out a partial laugh against the side of your neck. His hand finds your hip. "You are pretty great."

Your hand trails down towards his back, nails grazing against the bare skin. "You are, too."

Silence stretches between the two of you for so long you assume that he's already fallen asleep. Felix has a talent for drifting off in the blink of an eye.

"Lovie?" He whispers the term so lowly you almost convince yourself the sound is a figment of your imagination.

"Yeah?"

You can feel the shift in his breathing. "It's you and me--just you and me, when it comes down to it." His thumb brushes up and down your side. "You know that."

He relaxes as your fingers trail down the start of his spine. "Yeah. Of course I know that." A part of you feels naive for believing his words so easily. He's too adored to just be your Felix at the end of the day, and yet-- "Just you and me."

Felix leaves an open mouthed kiss against collarbone. It's the kind of warm that leaves goosebumps breaking out everywhere the contact can't be felt. "Good."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny

[the-xolotl]

What I think your Hazbin Hotel fav says about you

Pt. I ; Charlie, Vaggie, Alastor, Lucifer, Angel

A/N: these are entirely my opinions based on what each of the characters have meant for me. i’m a psych major and like doing lil analysis of things so it’s for funsis nothing else XD and i’m writing these with adult personalities in mind ! just fyi

it’s kinda long, fair warning, lots of text.

—• TAGS: none, completely sfw

ᯓ፥Charlie ꪆ

Starting off with the MC herself; I can see her being a fav bc you are the sunshine coded individual that likes to do things diplomatically first, handles situations with words first and foremost as well as enthusiasm and optimism. You’ll always see the bright side of things and like to see the good in people.

So probably relate a lot to her.

You have a tendency to put others way above yourself and your own needs, most of the time unconsciously so.

Maybe you’re the mom-friend of the group. You’re the most caring and giving out of your surrounding friends or family.

Which kinda makes me think you may have a mix of daddy and mommy issues.

However sometimes your kindness is taken for weakness and naivety when that couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re not unaware of the world around you, in fact you’re probably someone who understands a little too good, so you choose to give positivity to the sea of negativity.

You’re highly emotionally intelligent, mature and likely find yourself always taking the reign in things. You’re a doer, determined to see everything you put your mind to to completion, lots of initiative in many aspects.

A WORKAHOLIC. Completely unaware of that aspect tho. Or just unintentionally so. Bc you are so determine on projects you give 120% and don’t stop until it’s completed.

You probably find comfort in her character in some ways; either bc you see yourself in her or strive to find a person like her who will see your redeeming qualities when you can’t, and want to help you grow as a person.

You aren’t a strict planner or someone who sticks 100% with a plan but do like to have an outline at least. Even if you have to improv further down the line at least you have an idea of wtf you’re doing.

So you can also roll with being spontaneous, you can easily think of a loose path to follow and roll with it whenever.

You’re very enjoyable company !! Smile and laugh is contagious, it’s impossible to not feel good around you.

ᯓ፥Vaggie ꪆ

You struggle a lot with imposter’s syndrome so let me be the one to tell you; you deserve good things, you belong in good places and with the people you love and love you back.

You’re likely the person everyone turns to for a voice of reason.

You’re very headstrong, you’re the decision maker in whatever circle you run.

Ms./Mr./Mx. Hyper-Independent™️

You’re likely also the mediator. Are you the middle child in your family?

You’re a perfectionist to a fault, and fear failure. Sometimes you need a little reassurance.

However, you’re an exceptional lover. You’re loyal, attentive, your love language might be acts of service and/or words of affirmation.

You greatly value those around you and just want to help them be successful.

Sometimes you’re too strict with yourself, even with others but you mean well.

Despite anything though, you have a pretty firm grasp in your sense of self, you know who you are and what you want in life.

You stand up for yourself, you don’t let anyone push you around; you’re the scary dog privileges.

And even if you sometimes come across as hard around the edges, you’re quite soft on the inside. You still choose to act with kindness even if someone doesn’t deserve it. But you’re good at killing with kindness.

You give me Taurus energy. And despite the bullet-point above you have made grown men cry. You’re kind but you are capable of hurting with your words if you so choose.

ᯓ፥Alastor ꪆ

I’ll just get it out of the way: raging daddy issues

But the kind of daddy issues that come from resentment and anger at a fatherly figure or men that remind you of that fatherly figure.

You neither want fatherly comfort nor find someone that is a good fatherly figure. You don’t need it, you’ve been this long without it so what’s the point ?

Maybe you’re likely even the type of person who comforts others but don’t want/let others comfort you. You don’t need others, others need you.

You value your privacy, very reserved about your personal life. Keeping everything close to the vest do to the load of trust issues you carry.

Definitely into older partners (more specifically older men)

Unless you don’t do dating or physical relationships. In this case you maybe find yourself being the older friend of a group of friends.

You don’t have a parental bone in your body but you have this innate need to make sure others never feel the way you did; alone, helpless. This whether you admit it or not.

Much like our resident Radio Demon you have an appreciation for the entertainment and may take some sadistic pleasure in watching the people you don’t care for fail (especially those who have wrong you in the past).

But if not giving a fuck was an olympic sport you’d be a gold medalist. You are winning the 'idgaf war' every time, bc you don’t need to retaliate immediately when someone does do you wrong either, remaining unbothered knowing that person will do themselves in.

You like to play the long game in some situations, waiting for the right time to make a move.

You don’t have time for bullshit, time costs and yours comes at a high rate. You rather get to the point than run circles. And the biggest pet-peeve is getting lead on in any way just to ultimately waste your time and get nothing out of it.

In most circumstances you don’t do anything without receiving a benefit from it unless it’s the people you truly care about. Everything has a price, a lot of things you do are for self fulfillment (Not in a negative way. You value yourself and know your worth)

You’re also a go-getter. Not waiting around for opportunities to just fall on your lap you go and make your own opportunities and open your own doors.

However one of your biggest flaws is overestimating yourself which ultimately leads you to feel like you failed at something when really you didn’t, you didn’t reach the intended goal even if the outcome was fine. Pride comes before the fall, for sure (And you’re trying to work on it. Kinda).

But you do have an issue with feeling like you’re absolutely invincible no matter what.

You have your own skeletons in the closet. Things you don’t like looking back on, decisions you regret to this day bc they shaped more of your life than you intended. But here you are persevering in one piece. If maybe a little jaded to the world around you, but in one piece. Good job.

ᯓ፥Lucifer ꪆ

You and Alastor fans are two sides of the same coin but with marked differences.

Daddy issues here too, but the ones who actually want a good fatherly figure. One you often find from a mentor or someone to give you affection and/or guidance.

You’re less likely to seek these out in romantic relationships as really what you want is to heal your inner child.

You heard More Than Anything, cried bc it’s a beautiful song than cried harder wondering why couldn’t someone love you like that.

More than anything (ba-dum-tsss) you crave to be protected, you can do it yourself, you have been. But you’re tired. You want someone else to do it for a changed, see you for who you are and love you unconditionally.

I have the feeling you’re the oldest child of a broken home that had to be a 3rd parent at a young age to your even younger siblings and it hurt like a bitch having to leave them once you were able to get out of your parent’s house. But you couldn’t stay there a second longer.

It’s also likely in your upbringing you were seen as the black sheep of the family, whatever the reason may have been. That’s something that still hurts to this day even through the no-contact you’ve likely established.

You have a lot of love to give but often don’t know how to express it or measure it. In the sense that you love too hard or too little, but you care so much. You really do.

And this is why you probably have a lot of people coming to your for a shoulder to cry on, because what you will do is protect the ones you care about the way you wish someone did you in your worse times. This is where your over abundance of love comes the most handy.

BUT behind all of this there’s also a high spirit that can be the life of any party. You have a unique magnetism and easy going personality despite anything that makes people gravitate towards you.

ᯓ፥Angel ꪆ

You have likely been through some awful shit (I’m sorry you had to go through that, me too 🫂) and that has shaped you a lot as a person today.

Probably came out of those experiences a hyper sexual that has to constantly advocate for those of us who don’t cope the same ways others do.

Angel is like a breath of fresh air because for once you get to see a representative whose bad experiences aren’t romanticized or glamorized.

The level at which you relate to him when he yelled “It’s not an act! It’s who I need to be!” was spiritual and it left you a little broken bc you likely use your persona as a shield bc if you don’t laugh you’ll cry

You don’t like letting your past define you but the line between who you are and who’s the persona built for the public keeps thinning more and more.

The trust issues you carry are so deep sometimes you accidentally push people you care about and who care about you away.

Because you do care, so much but it’s hard to let people in not knowing who’s truly going to treat you well.

Sometimes the only was you let in are the ones who go above and beyond to climb the tall thick walls you’ve put around yourself.

But life has made you strong, resilient. You know how to defend yourself and you take no shit from anyone.

You either want Angel’s rambunctious confidence or you have it and know how to work it. (work it 💅)

Don’t forget you’re more than what you can offer people. There’s genuine value in you as the person you are, not for what you can offer.

a/n: thank you for reading. i’ll probably take a while to upload the next parts tbh !

—

© 2024 the-xolotl — all rights reserved. do NOT alter, translate, or repost my works on any platform without my consent, do not claim my content as yours.

[thana-topsy]

If you're up for sharing more writing tips, how can I tell if what I've written is actually any good? With writing I get stuck in a cycle of feeling like I'm the next Shakespeare while writing but then I'll look over my work a few days later and absolutely hate everything and think it's the most cringe shit ever, then I'll leave it a bit longer and think eh it's not as bad as I thought but still not great and so on. I feel like being forced to write for a grade during school and having everything be marked and assessed and assigned a particular value has robbed me of the ability to critically analyse my own work in a way that's objective and accurate but also fair and realistic. I can analyse other peoples' stuff till the cows come home but I lose all rational thought when it comes to my own stuff

Adding onto that, how do I get to the point where I can stop looking back at my old work and hating everything and wanting to delete it all? Realistically I know finding fault with my old stuff is good bc it means I've grown and improved from where I once was etc but at the same time I wanna enjoy stuff I've made in the past without cringing every time I read it

Hey there Nony, I wanted to let this one percolate a little bit before answering because I've been where you are. And it's a rough time for sure. But aside from my own experiences, I also wanted to get the opinions of some of my writerly friends in the fandom, too, since everyone is a little font of wisdom in their own right.

So I'm going to share their advice alongside my own, because this is kind of a complicated string of questions you're asking. Long post ahead!

@paraparadigm says to Keep Writing: "Write more. Write so much (and so many different things) that eventually the sheer volume bulldozes over self-devouring ego, comparison twitches, or feeling lost, because you don't yet know your own baseline. Coupled with "read more, read everything, read things you enjoy and things you don't, read for the craft as much as the entertainment." And: "I'd add that when revisiting old writing, it's helpful for me to differentiate between "ew the writing is not as technically solid as it is now" and "ah that's interesting, I guess that's where I was at then, emotionally and psychologically". Old writing is also a sort of archaeological record of your younger self, and that can, in fact, be a bit itchy to revisit, so learning to cherish that without passing judgement can be really helpful. I try to treat it like those little marks one puts on the door jamb to track a kid's height."

@mareenavee says "Part of it is writing more, as Para said and I will always second that. Another part is, honestly, the hardest part. It's to try very hard to get out of the habit of negative self-talk.... There's so much work involved with this but normalizing being proud of your work and having some grace with yourself is part of that answer."

@archangelsunited says "Early on, instead of going “this has to be a masterpiece” I would tell myself my only job was to tell a story. I couldn’t tell a story if I was deleting it. Also, talking about your work helps. The less ashamed I was of my writing, the more people wanted to read it. There is a need to hide your work, and that can lead to a downward spiral all its own. And, 90% of the time, you have to suck at something to learn to be good at something. The work you already wrote shouldn’t be the sum of all your skill, it should be one of those measuring sticks for the moment. Despite previous thought, you won’t be stuck at the same level forever."

@polypolymorph says "In addition to accumulating experience via reading and writing, you also have to be willing to reinvent the wheel. Unfortunately the Process™️ is unique to everyone, and even when you are deliberately mimicking a voice as, say, a ghost writer, you can't expect that 2+2=4 for you. Your process might look more like a Lotka-Volterra equation for the same type of work and that's okay. Trial and error is the best way to figure out what advice actually works for you--and if it doesn't, it doesn't mean you're wrong. Don't get stuck on pop writing advice like a sad roomba does on an upturned rug. Learn when to throw it out."

So there's some advice from some other excellent writers! I hope you've been able to find some value in their advice, because it certainly kicked me in the pants a few times.

As for me, I think, having been where you are, my biggest piece of advice is: Find joy in the craft. Get curious instead of critical. An artist shouldn't down themselves over a rough sketch when they're working out a drawing, so why would a writer do such a thing? Everything you write is practice. Everything you make has value because it builds up to the next thing you make.

At the end of the day, you are the only one who is capable of telling the stories that are in your head. This fact alone gives whatever you put onto paper value, regardless of quality. You are creating magic, in the most literal sense! Creating something out of nothing, conjuring images into someone else's mind from hundreds of thousands of miles away, transcending space and time. It's amazing!

Lastly, my final piece of advice is to just write for fun. Write things nobody else will ever see just because you wanted to get words onto paper. You have to unlearn what was drilled into you in school. You are more than a content creation machine. You are an artist, a wordsmith. And just know that there will never be a day when you look at your own work and say "That's it, I have achieved perfection."

Writing is a life-long journey. Just enjoy the ride!

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

it feels like the opposite for me but also i am closeted to a bunch of conservative christians bc i. don't want to deal with it and even the ones i AM out to are still homophobic (how do they even DO that lmao) so i am generally stuck between either talking to them and risking the judgemental Look™️ over it being ANOTHER queer film anna, why does it have so many bad words anna, why does it have so many explicit scenes anna, OR i go to online friends and then it is hours of them reading/watching the thing i recommended and then bashing the shit out of it bc they didn't enjoy it or found some kind of fault in it or whatever for being inauthentic or bad representation or SOMETHING there's literally Always something and i am like there is NO winning (except for with like,,, u and tater)!!! there BETTER be more people i can talk about my trashy little shows with in college bro that sounds like it'd be so nice

LEMME JUST. TELEPORT U TO MY FRIEND GROUP SO FAST.

i need to like. be able to broadcast what shows and things i am ok w people critiquing w me and which are just. absolutely not allowed. bc there is a difference!! and i wish people just! knew that!! like yes i *know* this show isnt v good acting but that doesn’t mean i dont enjoy it!! LITERALLY MY SISTER DID THAT W DICKINSON I WANNA SCREAM (that one isnt even bad acting shut up???) tbh i also totally bash her shows but mostly bc?? well actually i have no idea who started it but she is generally pretty judgemental and so i think i like. overcompensate to match or something dumb.

MY FAMILY ISNT EVEN HOMOPHOBIC AND HONESTLY I STILL FEEL THAT??? i was like. asking and asking my family to watch a league of their own while also being weirdly terrified that they would judge it on its queerness (w our flag means death too!! wow)

my mom is like so so chill and actually i think?? enjoys queer things i have so many questions abt that but anyway. meanwhile my dad is just, “oh do you not like olivia rodrigo because she’s not trans?” WHAT (me not liking olivia rodrigo is actually such a personal red flag of mine but i dont think my opinion will ever change rip)

but yeah i am!! so excited to just. be SEPERATE from my family for longer than eight hours a day bc wow are camps and school trips just a wild difference for everything.

[owen-not-carvour]

i think about how owen was actually found by chimera a lot.

because i don’t get it. like how would they have found him if he was practically dead after the fall And the explosion?? makes me think they had to have had him on their radar already…

so here’s a few thoughts,, not necessarily connected, i just want to talk abt chimera for a bit (and ofc,, like most thoughts i post now,, these are long asf and i Apologize for that) anyway:

-owen’s sexuality was found out a Good Bit before the russian affair,, not by mi6 or a.s.s. but instead by another organization (chimera). he gets sent an anonymous note all suspicious like We Know About You and he’s like Fuckkkk but at least he knows it’s not from an agency because if it were they would’ve made it Clear. but what does owen do about this? not tell curt that’s for sure :) (understandably so though,, it’s hard to tell him anything that’s not in person and even Then maybe not…) so anyway that’s how chimera knows where to find him when he falls. they’ve already been tracking him bc they already had blackmail on him!

-i think that, given that curt and owen Both had quite the reputation,, chimera actually would’ve preferred to get both of them! bc imagine how much more powerful having both of the World’s Greatest Spies™️ would’ve made them (i have Thoughts on chimera curt too.. that’s a different post though). not to mention that i rlly think curt and owen were lowkey Bad at hiding their relationship (like they were good enough to not get caught but also like. still very obvious?? idk it’s a fine line).. so similar to the Above stuff,, i think chimera would’ve known abt them and tried to use it as leverage to try and get them to join. also i think that if they were to directly approach them abt joining somehow,, theyd pitch it to them as a sort of Double Agent deal. like they still work for their respective agencies but Also for chimera on the side. (bc i think they’d Know how they feel abt that type of stuff,, how owen is more open to it while curt is the Opposite) however when owen falls they see it as an opening and go ahead and jump on him there, even without curt,, bc they know how good at his job he is and can see that he’s vulnerable,, which they can use that in their favor (and it works)

-i think the most common thread in all my chimera thoughts is that they Knew abt their relationship. so that’s just something to keep in mind for the rest of these ig. but fr thinking abt owens time w chimera is so interesting because we Literally know Nothing abt it, other than he was the deadliest man alive (and even Then we still don’t know much..) like there are so many ways you can think abt it.. was he tortured? did he join bc he Wanted to or bc he felt like he Had to (and then it eventually grew on him)?? so much to consider. also,, i think it’s definitely safe to say that chimera brainwashed him to at least some extent. like he was super vulnerable after the fall, both bc he was injured And bc it was curts fault (and ofc that curt Left). so owen was probably left super hurt and confused and angry and just. Not doing great when chimera got to him.. and they used that in their favor,, probably made him even more angry than he would’ve been otherwise (not that he Wouldn’t have been angry,, they just probably told him a few lies in addition to what actually happened yknow). just to cultivate his anger and make him even deadlier and dangerous than he usually was. so like even if they didn’t necessarily put any new info in his head, they at least made owen blind to any similarities between chimera and the agencies by (most likely) using curt as an example and influencing him into hating everything else about spying yknow. (i rlly hope this makes sense)

-i also think abt how owen legit just could’ve decided to ruin curts life at any time in those 4 years by letting their Secret get out.. bc he’s Right when he says “that secret died the night you left me for dead” because Owen died that night. no one fucking knows he’s actually still alive, so it’s not gonna hurt him if it gets out!! it’ll only hurt curt bc he’s the one who survived. it’s the horror of staying alive and all :)… but like. he Didn’t do that. i think it’s bc if he did that,, he wouldn’t have gotten the satisfaction of ruining curts life first hand. like sure he’d be the one providing the info but that’s not the same as what happens during torture tango or one step ahead yknow. (and if he did that it would kind of Technically go against chimera’s beliefs?? bc secrets and agencies ruining lives Because of secrets and all. idk it’s Complicated)

-also,, i think another reason owen joined chimera was not just bc he was angry and vulnerable and Everything Else that goes w what happened after he fell,,, but also because i Really believe that he had already been having doubts abt spying and agencies and,, basically everything chimera promised to destroy.. getting revenge on curt just ended up an added bonus for him lol.. but yeah i think he’d always sort of been thinking like that Long before the fall.. ofc there were reasons he couldn't have just quit, once a spy always a spy after all (that’s part of the problem in itself though, isn’t it). but i also feel like curt had a hand in owens staying.. they couldn't really see each other outside of missions because a) they work for different agencies, b) they are from two different countries,, not to mention different fucking Continents too, so it'd be hard to make time that worked for both of them as well as how the fuck are they gonna get across the ocean easily, not to mention how careful they had to be about their relationship because,, they're gay,, duh. that wasn't legal. they couldve lost everything if they were found out. so joint missions were really one of the only ways they could see each other. i like to think that owen loved curt so much that he was willing to stay active in spying to see him.. but yeah Anyway, owens reasoning definitely isn’t new bc in the staircase scene he says his whole “the future is happening curt... what use will one man be when a box in a room can do his job in seconds” and “a new world awaits us curt, a world without spies, a world without agencies, a world without secrets” etc,, just based on the way he talks abt it,, his ideas about “a better world” are not new. i dont think that his hatred for curt would be enough on its own to make him do All Of That yknow.. especially paired with how he says he hates curt Almost as much as curt hated himself and then goes on to say that Then he realized that spying was the problem etc etc. (it’s like that whole thing where Both of them are victims but in different ways, and that they both paid the price for it…. which Also ties into everything owen says in the staircase scene, too.. but that’s also part of another post lol)

but yeah sorry abt the length of this. i just have a lot of owen and chimera thoughts :)

[the-bjd-community-confess]

bear with me here. lately, well, for the past 6 months we’ve been trying to buy a house. rent in my area is terrible and moving out of my area isn’t an option, so in theory it’s literally cheaper to buy a house. plus my bf and i have good (for our area) jobs. however we wanted to only put down 15%, so we need this thing called mortgage insurance. which also goes through a credit check, like the mortgage would. we’re on the mortgage together. somehow i was approved for the mortgage but denied for the insurance, because them checking my credit lowered my score to one fucking point below what’s needed. i don’t have a bad score, or a terrible debt to income ratio, my score is literally only “fair” because i bought a car 3 years ago and that vs my student loans that i’ve had for ages lowered my credit age, and therefore my score. bc. i don’t fucking know. capitalism™️. so we have to put down 20% of a down payment which we didn’t budget for because we were fine if it weren’t for, y’know fucking credit bureaus. it’s an extra 10k we don’t have because we didn’t expect to need.

so anyway i’m taking it hard. real hard. because along with my house savings i obviously also have a doll savings (it’s much lower though) for, you know, my expensive hobby that i finally started to being able to like actually buy for around 4 years ago. and i feel guilty because it’s like, if it wasn’t for my score and if i wasn’t indulging on things that make me happy, i’d be able to save more for “””adult things””” like buying a house. i almost in a panic started calculating and figuring out how i could sell my collection and all my doll stuff because i’m sure if i sold literally everything i have related to the hobby i would be able to cover the extra 10k. i was like packing shit up and taking pics in a fugue state before my bf stopped me and was like it’s not your fault?? but anxiety and growing up poor af until this job i got after college says otherwise. as a kid and even in college i did not buy anything that wasn’t necessary or if i did it was a long time saving for like a 60$ video game, so having this much fucking money (comparatively) is so wild to me and i was so excited to finally collect and sew and create for these beautiful dolls i’ve always admire. my collection is mostly the “”cheaper dolls”” with some expensiver dolls (resinsoul is great though i legitimately love them for more than $ reasons),

i buy a lot of second hand because i love restoring things, i don’t even buy the big fancy full sets (i shell ocs mainly), and tend to use layaways to assuage my anxiety about paying sums of money over 3 digits. somewhere inside me my brain says “you brought this on yourself, you knew this was a waste of money”. it’s not i know logically, especially if all my other needs and debts are taken care of, but like. h

tl;dr so anyway this is a fucking weird ass confession. i feel sick for even indulging in this hobby and spending money on things i like instead of only paying my bills and food and taking care of my cats bc i could have used that money to add to my house savings to offset my apparently shitty credit score. i’m contemplating a second job and selling every doll thing i have because i don’t feel like i’m pulling my weight even though i am according to my bf. we’re not going to be homeless, we’ll just sign another year where we are, but it’s crushing to know that i clawed my way to stable income and doing something that makes me happy and i still can’t even be good enough for a house that’s only about 130k . that’s so so fucking cheap in this state it’s insane. i hate everything and feel so fucking guilty.

~Anonymous

[dreamwritesimagines]

i would like to clarify, did i think Elias was harsh? Yes. did Anthony deserve it and possibly more? Abso-fucking-lutely. Elias had every single right to act the way he did. he could have been harsher even and i wouldn't have had a problem with it bc Elias loves his sister and seeing her in that state, of course it's going to affect him in certain levels. then add the betrayal he felt bc that's his best friend, and the going behind his back and all sorts. BUT that doesn't mean i'm not going to see Anthony's side of it and feel sympathetic for him. (that’s the empath in me probably lmao) like this man is struggling and that's putting it very lightly.

it's probably a me thing but i tend to try and see different perspectives and/or try to see where everyone is coming from. it's just more fun for me that way (which also can be quite frustrating bc when you understand both sides, you tend to get frustrated why character A does not see where character B is coming from hence why i have to remind myself that i know all the facts and they don’t 😂) this is also why i'm just begging for Cherie and Anthony to just TALK lmao.

but also, it's like you said! these characters aren't perfect. they've made mistakes and will continue to do so. there won't be character arcs if that wasn't the case and it would be sooo boring if everything was black & white. so i absolutely cannot wait to see how on earth Anthony redeem himself. like that man is going on a journey to hell and back. TWICE. also with what he said about it’s either Cherie or no one, i’m sure this man is going to do everything and then some. i also would like to see a scene where he’s on his knees in front of Cherie just sobbing and begging for forgiveness bc that would be whew imagine if that’s the first time Cherie actually sees him cry???? my heart </3

okay i'm going to put my devil horns again bc playing devil's advocate is kinda fun lmao: with what happened with Siena, would it be considered as cheating though? which also goes back to a problem they had from the start. They weren’t courting officially. It was all assumption and living in a bubble without actually TALKING about it. so if you think about it, they really had no grounds as to what they were right?? Cherie assumed they were lovers, i have no idea what Anthony thought they were. and then it all blew up before they could even get to that point of communication. my gOOODD were going to go back to the whole communication thing again. sigh. In today’s day and age, it absolutely was cheating. but sometimes we tend to forget, this is a different time period. this is also why it’s a struggle trying to judge everyone in this bc it’s set hundreds of years ago so everything is kinda different.

AGAIN. This does NOT excuse his behaviour. ANTHONY IS STILL A SHITTY IDIOT PREMIUM™️ and he will hold that title for as long as it takes until he grows a braincell or two. He still Fucked Up™️ and it’s his own fault why we’re here in the first place.

also, the duke and duchess story :(( i really hope we will get to see more of that soon and yeah now i remember that. it’s heartbreaking that these two siblings grew up separate so Cherie didn’t get to see what the duke was like and Elias didn’t get to see what his mother was like bc he only gets to see her in short moments.

YOU are amazing!! and I love !!!! talking to you about this and seeing your response and judgement to my thesis ahah so this is just as exciting for me. now i’m going to sit back and read the anons and different opinions like it’s the latest Lady Whistledown.

– TM Anon™️

Oooh please don't worry about it darling, I totally understand what you mean! ❤ And I really love hearing different perspectives and talking about it! ❤❤ It my favorite part of writing a story! ❤

I think Elias will be torn in the following chapters! Like, Anthony has been his best friend for years, and he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that he would betray him this way 💔 He doesn’t even understand Anthony is very confused about his own feelings💔

They definitely need to talk 😂

like that man is going on a journey to hell and back. TWICE. also with what he said about it’s either Cherie or no one, i’m sure this man is going to do everything and then some. YESSSS! Anthony will actually say that he’s in hell, like that will come up 😈  And he will be spiraling out of control 😏

Yesssss, exactly! ❤ Like, in this age it is absolutely unforgivable but the fic is happening in like…1815, and we’re talking about an era where it was seen as “normal” even within marriage sometimes, as heartbreaking as it is😱 Not that Cherie would ever accept that in marriage or in courtship but…😈 Like, if Cecily told about it to her mother for instance, she would have a “so what” reaction which is sad💔

Anthony will have to try so hard to get Cherie to forgive him ❤

We will definitely hear more about the duke and the duchess’s story, and a duke-Cherie convo is coming in the next chapter! ❤

Awwww thank you so much for this! 😱😍❤

[yomiurinikei]

Do you have any takes on Utsuro? Can be headcanons or general thoughts... I like hearing what people have to say about him.

here!! a mix of both. check out my utsuro tag bc - i have some posts u may like feat. possible utsuro development in a post abt kinjomae + a post with what i think his childhood was like!!! also a reminder that these are all just my takes and 90% of the time i've discussed them before and i'm not including all i've said on this subject in this post, also i have pretty solid reasons as to why u shouldn't repost/vague me based off this post in one of my extra pages :D

so for some more thoughts on him, feat. no i am not self projecting!

1) utsuro 🤝 hibiki

both are shown in two extremely different states of mind with different personalities and amnesia between the two identities, feat. one being unaware of the others existence, and a change in identity can be caused when one identity is reminded of a traumatic memory,,,

i'm not saying utsuro with did but utsuro with did rights

2) yea the did thing is probably bc all i do is go "actually this character has did but still - utsuro probably has some sort of dissociative disorder/condition

at the very least, he has some sort of issue with chronic dissociation, if we stick with all canon explanations, possibly depersonalization/derealization disorder? this would explain how generally detached and unresponsive he is.

akane: hey utsuro i know we're both in a really bad place emotionally/mentally but i really need some form of help/comfort rn if u can

utsuro, literally Not Here™️: .........huh...

akane: wow thanks <3

3) or utsuro to really like. get redeemed, beyond general redemption needs/in order to get to a place mentally where he can make those steps for redemption, he's really gonna need therapy, and i feel like if he had gotten that help, he actually really could've grown

utsuro was just another traumatized, suicidal teen who somehow got manipulated into working for junko. it doesn't excuse what he's done, but it does mean he has more of a shot at redemption. he mistreated akane, yes, but isn't that a result of his general emotional detachment? and since his emotional detachment was a result of trauma, it's really just that utsuro was too traumatized to help her emotionally.

akane was searching for support in a person who helped her, but he wasn't able to provide it. it's neither of their faults, and akane was clearly damaged by that + utsuro likely was too. i don't wanna go full on analysis here, but if anyone sends in another ask, i,, kinda want to. anyways - utsuro shouldn't be held at fault for not offering emotional support he never said he could provide. he should be held accountable for his actions, and encouraged to grow and change. what he needs in order to do that is therapy, and a support system that isn't there for him bc of his luck, but because they care about him.

anyways! i have more thoughts but i'm just gonna go do some headcanons now!

~*~

•really likes dogs. he doesn't mind any animal, but especially likes dogs. would do really well with a service one - theyre vv grounding to him

•"are you there god? it's me, god" -utsuro, the one time he tries turning to religion to cope

•has probably accidentally inspired a cult

•he's got very obscure book knowledge??

•used to just. sit in libraries and read everything he could bc his luck wouldn't just magically make him predict the ending if he didn't want it to, so he'd just keep showing up at the same library until he'd read every book they had

•also. a lot of libraries are probably vv nice for a homeless kid, even if utsuro does have a divine luck, it's just a place that's available to him even without his luck, so he could pretend to b normal

•the result tho: he read all the classics that are carried in most libraries very early on.

•!! utsuro also likes choose ur own adventure games for a similar reason

•in the real world, he'll automatically get whatever goal they're working towards, the person he's crushing on will like him back, etc

•but in games? his luck can't change the code, he actually has to work and be sure he makes the right decision for everyone, which is nice

•he does Not understand how all of these people he accidentally helps keep finishing him

•like he finds forums that's just tons of people talking abt miracles happening to them and seeing utsuro and he's just "???"

•he hears abt someone saying he saved them from a burning orphanage and he's vv confused because "oh... i.... might remember that??? like being in some building,,, i think i was meant to stay the night there and it caught on fire maybe?????? but 90% of it collapsed, only the area i was in didnt crumble, i think i would've noticed someone else there"

•also. who just decided to talk abt seeing a ten year old kid when some terrible misfortune was narrowly avoided and how did it turn into a thing. like who was reading that story and went "oh i went through something just like that!!"

•he is very confused and doesn't remember 60% of what's being brought up here, and the other 35% he only vaguely thinks might've happened

•utsuro exits the forum page, goes off along his day, and then just forgets all about it.