#bc jamie's legs are *important*

[skittishlikefromthewar]

my favorite headcanon to ponder is that as soon as they enter the Champions League - and it becomes official that this level of cardiovascular training is going to become Jamie's new longterm normal - Roy immediately bans him from running on pavement (so that he'll still have cartilage in his knees by age 60, and because no trainer ever cared enough to do that for Roy and he's gonna do better by Jamie if it kills him).

However...

--they can't limit all his running to a treadmill or track either, because that's a GREAT way to get hurt when he's on the pitch. 

Cue a hilarious montage of Jamie biking to some park, folding the bike to carry over a shoulder while running through said park, hopping back on the bike once he reaches the road, biking until he reaches a grass/dirt track along the river, running until the dirt track runs out, biking again, etc.

Cut to a shot of Roy frowning studiously because This Isn't Working Out, before he turns to Jamie and dead-serious, he asks, "Can you run the pavement on your hands?"

And Jamie is 😭😭😭 on the inside but verbally he's just "uh....yeah! Yeah sure I mean yeah no don't think so but yeah sure yeah why not I'll give it a go?"

Cut to Jamie managing seven whole haphazard steps in a handstand before, "aiyeeee..." and a close-up of Roy cringing with his fists over his mouth. 

Cut to Roy frowning studiously again. This time Jamie's got a big abrasion on his cheek. Again, deadly serious-

"Could you cartwheel the asphalt bits?"

Cut to Jamie cartwheeling over and over and over like. well, like a wheel, making good speed...

in a very much NOT straight line, until he cartwheels right into a bush.

"Well." Roy's got his studious frown, Jamie's got his scraped cheek and leaves in his hair. "I think we're out of options."

And Jamie's face falls. "Coach no. Please I can figure it out. Just need to keep trying things don't I?"

But Roy's shaking his head. 

And Jamie just looks sadder and sadder, and he starts to look a little scared. "Coach really I can just run the pavement like I used to it's f-"

"Nope. I'm calling it."

We linger on Jamie's devastated face. 

Quick cut to Jamie's torso. He's running on the road. He reaches the park. He runs through the park and reaches pavement again. He runs the pavement until he reaches the dirt track by the river. He runs the dirt track until it ends, transitioning straight onto the road once again. Scene cuts to him panting at Richmond Green once he's all done. He slowly straightens up, turning to Roy (who it's revealed bicycled the whole way with him) with the angriest, most murderous glare we've ever seen cross Jamie's face.

Roy breaks into his first grin of the entire montage. 

We finally pan down to Jamie's feet

--clad in every runner's favorite pseudo-orthopedic clown shoes. They let you run on a beautiful, cartilage-preserving cloud (edit: ASSUMING you don't immediately let your stride get sloppy, which people often do! that's important, can't believe i didn't say it initially!) and not even Jamie can make them look slick. 

*This post dedicated to my own hoka-related humiliations. They're lovely at what they're designed for but oyyyye. tbf hoka does make slightly less gigantic, less hideous models (ones that visually limit themselves to the type of loud garishness that Jamie would actually probably adore). But also tbf, you KNOW Roy would insist on Jamie cycling through the dumbest, ugliest, most embarrassing, "it's yer fuckin knees, Tartt come on!" models he could find. 

(Bonus: Practically overnight, Jamie suddenly becomes an expert in every dirt, grass, and otherwise natural running trail in all of London because as long as there's no concrete or asphalt anywhere on his run, he can go back to his normal low drop shoes.) (Edit: which, to reiterate, is a much better choice for both your joints and feet, than running pavement in hokas!)

[masochistartt]

thinking about georgie's table full of jamie photos again.

[its-time-to-write]

I saw you asked for requests a few days ago. I was wondering if you would consider doing another part of the Kent!reader x Jamie fics.

I was thinking they do end up pregnant and its them telling everyone they’re pregnant . I can see everyone being so excited for them. And then Roy is just freaking out.

Since they’ve already discussed wanting to be together forever and have kids I can also see them deciding to get married before the baby is born in a small ceremony like Beard had.

I have quite a few requests about Jamie x reader having a kid, so if that ain’t your jam, maybe don’t read my next few posts😂 It’s totally my jam tho, maybe bc I’m suffering from baby fever again. thanks for requesting and for your patience!!

let’s fall in love for the night  

Jamie’s jiggling his leg up and down so fast that you’re surprised he hasn’t cramped yet. 

“Calm down,” you hiss, hand on his knee. 

“Can’t,” he whispers back. “Roy’s gonna fucking kill me.”  

You have no sympathy for him. “Yeah, and whose fault is that? Yours.”

Jamie shoots you a sideways glance. “Excuse me, this was a team effort.”

“Whatever,” you say. “I still say it’s your fault.”

Molly swoops by to refill your water glasses. “Dinner’s ready in a few minutes. Roy and Phoebe have been working very hard,” she says. 

She raises her eyebrows on the word very, and you’re sure that Roy’s patience is being pushed to his limits. He loves cooking and refuses to let anyone help him, but he also loves your niece and can’t deny her anything she wants. 

“Better go check on them,” she says, leaving you and Jamie alone again in the backyard. 

Jamie resumes the previous conversation and says, “Well, I wasn’t the one wearing that blue thing with the flowers.”

“Well obviously,” you shoot back, “it wouldn’t even fit you.”

Jamie’s stopped jiggling his leg and he places his hand on top of yours. “Oi. Has Roy ever actually killed anyone before, or does he just have serial killer eyebrows?”

You wrinkle your nose and ask, “Why the fuck would I know?”

“You’re his sister,” Jamie replies in Phoebe’s patented duh tone. 

“I’m his baby sister,” you say. “I’m even younger than Molly. If he’s killed someone, they’ve both conspired to make sure I’ll never find out. And hey, don’t make fun of the eyebrows. There’s a good chance this baby’s gonna end up with them.”

“Babe you don’t have ‘em,” Jamie points out. 

“I wax,” you say smugly. “Oh, Molly texted. Time to go inside.”

Jamie groans but lets you lead him to the table. 

—

All told, Phoebe didn’t do half bad. 

“Auntie, I did the potatoes all by myself,” she says. 

You look to Roy for confirmation. He grunts and gives a tiny nod. 

“Great job, Phoebs,” you say. 

Molly sets down her fork. “I’ve been thinking of changing my name back to ‘Kent,’” she says. 

“Brill,” says Jamie. 

“Fucking finally,” Roy says as he hands Phoebe some money. “For future words,” he mouths to her as she counts it before depositing what you’re pretty sure is 20 quid into her pocket. 

Molly says, “We’ll all be the Kents again,” and you can feel Jamie go stiff next to you.

“The fuck’s wrong with you?” Roy asks, and you turn to see Jamie’s gone completely pale. 

You pinch his thigh and he jumps. “Nothing,” he says hurriedly. “Well, not nothing. But, I dunno, don’t want to overshadow Molls’s good news, ya know? It ain’t important.”

You pinch him again. 

“Ok, it’s actually a little fucking important (sorry Phoebe, take it from Roy). But um, maybe you could help me babe?”

He shoots you a pleading look so you take pity on him. You’ve had more than twenty years dealing with Roy, so you’ll let Jamie slide this once.

“Right, so, we’ve been meaning to tell you- I’m having a baby,” you blurt out. 

Roy’s dinner roll gets crushed in his hand as his face goes bright red. 

“What,” he growls, and you’re not sure if you’re more terrified by the absence of “fuck”s or the fact that it was a statement, not a question. 

“That’s wonderful, love!” Molly says before Roy can say anything else. She’s not looking at him but you can practically feel him take psychic damage from the shut up and be happy you prick, message she’s sure to be telepathically sending him. 

“It’s Jamie’s, right?” she continues, taking a bite of salad. 

“The fuck kind of question is that?” you ask indignantly. “Who else’s would it be?”

“You don’t have to pay me for that one,” Phoebe pipes up. “I’ll give you a free tab of one hundred words because of the baby. If it’s a girl, you can have fifty more.”

You grin. “Sounds like a plan.”

“You’re probably going to owe her the fifty, Phoebs,” Molly says. She points to Jamie with her fork. “I mean, look at him. He practically screams ‘girl dad.’” 

“That’s- fucking- great,” Roy garbles out. “‘Scuse me.”

“We’re having a backyard wedding next Saturday, too,” you call after him. “So we probably won’t all be the Kents again.”

You wince as he slams a door from somewhere in the house. 

“He’ll come ‘round,” Molly says consolingly. “Remember how he was with Phoebe? And I was already married!”

You grip Jamie’s hand. “Molls, why can’t he just emote like a regular person? I mean honestly, did our parents fuck him up that bad?”

Molly raises a shoulder in a half shrug. “I don’t know, babe. Think he’s just like us, really, afraid of loving something so he just pushes it all away. And besides, you’re the baby of the family. We’ve always tried to protect you and keep you safe, and sometimes he feels like you’re out of reach.”

You ask, “He told you that?” and Molly just laughs. 

“Not in so many words,” she replies. “But you know how he is.”

“He’s an arsehole,” you grumble. “I’m going to go talk to him.

—

Roy is, predictably, in the backyard. Not many places for him to go and think properly. 

You find him sitting under the tree. 

“Oi,” you say, “budge over.”

He grunts and moves so you’re not quite in the dirt. 

“Can you be sitting on the ground?” he asks. 

“It’s been like three months,” you reply, “That isn’t long enough for me to get stuck places.”

Roy says, “hmm,” but doesn’t offer up anything else so you just sit in silence next to him, pressing your shoulder to his. 

“Why the fuck did it have to be Tartt?” he asks after a beat. “Could’ve been fucking anyone in the fucking world, and you fucking chose him.”

“You like Jamie,” you say in confusion. 

“I don’t,” Roy replies, “he’s a prick. And a fucking footballer. Why’d you have to go for a fucking good-for-nothing footballer? He can’t even be around for his family when they go through shit because he’s going to be busy scoring fucking meaningless goals or some shit.”

That stings for a moment, but you take a good look at Roy’s face. It’s stoic, but shit if you can’t read it like a book. Blood is blood, and you’re a Kent just like him. 

“This isn’t about him, is it. It’s about you. You think you did a shit job as a brother and an uncle so Jamie’s going to be a shit father.”

“I missed out on a lot,” Roy says hoarsely. “And before you say fucking shit, I’m not fucking crying. So shut the fuck about it.”

You grin and wrap your arms around him. “You’re the best big brother a girl could ask for. Took all my cues from you. And anyway, you’ve been there when it counts. Phoebe fucking adores you, practically attached at the hip you two. And yeah, Molls and I missed you when you were at Sunderland and Chelsea and wherever. But… you came back. We needed you, and you came back. So don’t go projecting your stupid self-image on Jamie, because he’s not like that. And you’re not either, you absolute fucking ape-armed frizzy-haired shit-faced twat.”

Roy huffs out a chuckle. “Ape-arms. Haven’t heard that one in a while.”

“Almost went with ‘camel knees.’ Haven’t used that since I was ten, but I thought it might hit too close to home these days.”

Roy laughs for real this time and tilts his head so it’s resting on yours. “Still fucking weird that my little sister’s having a kid.”

You say, “You’ll get over it. Oh, and don’t wear a goddamn T-shirt on Saturday.”

—

It’s rainy, so the backyard wedding becomes a living room wedding, because who really gives a shit? Richmond have a game tomorrow, but for today they’re in yours and Jamie’s house all dressed up (but still in trainers) laughing and smiling as Dani officiates what you’re sure is your dream wedding. 

It’s not the one you and Molly would’ve giggled about as kids when you sneaked from your bed into hers, but everyone you loves is here. 

For once, Jamie’s house almost seems too small.  

(Dani was the only person you two knew who was ordained or whatever. And hey, could you have picked a happier person for it?)

Molly and Keeley had gone out with you to find a white dress, Sam and Phoebe were the flower-people, and Roy walked you down the stairs to where Jamie was standing with Isaac by his side. 

“I’m not fucking crying,” Roy whispers in your ear. “It’s fucking allergies from being in this prick’s house for too long.”

“It’s my house too,” you remind him. 

Roy just sniffs, pats your hand where it’s tucked into his arm, and presses a kiss to your cheek.

All in all, it was pretty great. 

Gifts range from hair products to restaurant gift cards to designer baby clothes, including a tie-dyed onesie from Phoebe. 

“I have a matching one at home,” she explains. 

But now it’s the evening and everyone is gone except family. 

“Can’t believe my baby’s married,” says a beaming Georgie as she ruffles Jamie’s hair from their place on the couch.

“Can’t believe he attained his childhood goal of marrying into the Kent family,” Molly remarks. 

Jamie grins smugly. “What can I say, I’m a fucking goal-getter.”

You’re snuggled in Jamie’s arms, dress exchanged for a white sweatshirt and sweatpants set, courtesy of Rebecca. 

“I’d’ve had a poster of you on me wall if they made one, babe,” Jamie says. “Better sight than that hairy git.”

Roy just rolls his eyes and says “I’m getting another beer.”

“Can you bring me a piece of cake?” you call after him.

“Me too?” Phoebe asks, looking hopefully at Molly. 

Jamie pats your knee. “Don’t think he heard you, love. I’ll get it for ya. You too, Phoebs.” He shoots a wink in her direction, and she giggles. 

“Oi, grandad,” Jamie says, walking into the kitchen. “Did you hear your sister?”

Roy turns around from the fridge with a menacing look.  

“If she has a single moment of unhappiness, I’m going to fucking kill you,” he growls.

“Jesus, sorry,” Jamie says, hands in the air. “What’s got your knickers all in a twist?”

Fucking Jamie, never able to back down from a good squabble with Roy. 

They’re both keeping their voices down because they know if they got caught, no less than three people would be grabbing them by the ear and yelling. 

They might know this from personal experience. 

Roy says, “She’s my little sister. I’d fucking murder for her, and so would Molly. Always tried to make it easier for her when she missed our parents and shit, but it always fucking got to her anyway. Didn’t help that I fucked off to Sunderland at fucking nine, before she was even fucking born. She’s wanted a family of her own for fucking ages, and if you fuck this up for her they will never. Find. Your body.”

Jamie’s not sure Roy’s ever looked this menacing, which is saying something, because he’s Roy fucking Kent. He always looks menacing. 

So he nods and says quietly, “I ain’t gonna fuck it up, Coach. Had a shit dad too. Always wished he were around, except when he was then he’d get all fuckin’ angry and shit. But… still wanted him, y’know? Weird. Anyway, not gonna be like that with her. I want a family too.”

Roy looks straight into his eyes, looking for the barest hint of insincerity. Jamie’s gaze doesn’t waver. He’s not sure of much, but he’s sure of this. He’s sure of you. 

Roy says, “Right,” nods once, then claps Jamie on the shoulder right at his phone dings. 

Jamie pulls out his phone to a text from you that reads, pls stop fangirling over my brother. baby wants cake and so does ur mum

He smiles and tries to figure out how to balance three plates at once. 

[daenysx]

hiii it's the crying anon !!! (lol) ibe been so sad today bc i literally failed my ap exam like i did terrible and i e just been so sad and in my head all day :/// i literally just need a hug like im so sad and i need a james potter rn :( would you kind writing something for this ??? if not, it's totally okay my lovely , have a great day !!!

i'm so sorry, baby, i hope this helps making you feel better a bit!! you can always reach out when you're sad (if you wanna talk to someone!!) i'll be here. love u <33333

james potter x fem!reader

you try to stay calm as you knock on james's door.

he shares the apartment with sirius and remus but you know they are not here right now. it's a relief, no matter how close friends you are with them, you wouldn't want them to see you cry.

when james opens the door, you first spot his glasses. his hair looks messy, wild waves finding their own shape on his head, his skin warm. he looks like he's just woken up, you feel sorry for interrupting his sleep.

"i'm sorry, jamie." you begin saying. "were you sleeping?"

james quickly holds your hand to welcome you inside. "just fell asleep on the couch, angel. i'm glad you wake me, it always messes with my night sleep."

you give him a broken smile. james closes the door, he helps you take off your jacket. you put your bag on the floor, slipping out of your shoes, never looking at james's direction as you make your way to his bedroom. he follows you.

the room smells like him everywhere, and the safety you feel around james overwhelms you so hard, it hits you. you start crying without any control, without trying to stop yourself. james looks surprised but he reacts quickly as always, he holds your arms gently, then his kind fingers are on your chin to see your face.

"sweetheart." he says. "what's- what's wrong?"

"my exam." you manage to say and he understands. james doesn't like asking unnecessary questions about a situation when you cry your eyes out, especially. you can tell everything later, when you calm down. he knows the exam is important, he knows how much you studied, and how stressed you were days before.

"i'm sorry." he says, reaching for you. "oh, my baby." he coos, you feel so vulnerable in his arms as he holds you, your face tucked in his neck with his hands rubbing on the tense muscles of your back. you cry against him, but james is strong. he'll hold you as long as you need him.

he strokes your hair, drying up your fresh tears as much as he can. you lean on him, your legs feel numb, and your head hurts. you tried to stay strong all day long, keeping a neutral face even though you were disappointed, but now that it's safe, you let out every emotion that begs to be free.

james whispers gentle words against your ear. he doesn't know if they help but he never liked silence. you lift your head to see him, your wet cheeks and wobbly lip crash his heart. you never deserve to cry. he rubs two desperate thumbs on your cheeks to get your pretty face back from tears.

"my head hurts, jamie." you say. "can i have some water?"

"of course." james says. "sit on the bed, angel, i'll be right back."

he takes a bottle of cold water from the fridge. you don't like eating when you're upset, james knows this, so he won't ask if you're hungry. he returns to his room, gets on his knees to reach your spot on bed.

you take a few sips from the bottle. it helps cooling down your throat. you look at james's worried face. he tries to hide it but his forehead has wrinkles, they always appear when he gets nervous.

"i'm okay." you say. "i'm sorry, that was- a lot. i did really bad, i just-"

"baby." he hushes you with a kiss on your hand. you look like you're explaining for his sake and not because you want to speak. "you have nothing to be sorry for. let's talk about this later, okay? you need to get some sleep."

you nod gratefully. james gives you one of his rugby team t-shirts. you change into it quickly, your legs stay bare. he helps you get under the covers, joins you exactly two minutes later after taking off his clothes and texting remus to let him know you'll be sleeping in his room.

he is so warm, you wrap your legs around his immediately. your head stays on his chest as he holds your waist and plays with your fingers with his other hand. you take quiet breaths to relax, your eyes hurt from all those crying.

"it's all gonna be okay." he silently promises. "can you try not to think of it for a few hours, lovely girl? i know it's hard but- you need to sleep on it. you need to get some rest."

"okay." you say. you have no energy left. james turns to his side to press you better against him. you think you'll be better once your breathing turns normal. he strokes your hair gently and squeezes your body just the way you like. you wrap a tired arm around his waist. closing your eyes, you try to forget about everything.

james kisses your forehead. he thinks a good cup of coffee and your favorite breakfast can make the morning a bit better for you. he'll listen if you wanna talk, answer your questions if you have any. he thinks about how upset you've been all day long and a protective wave washes over him again. his arms around you has never been this tight.

[thechargrey]

Let's talk boxes in honor of next ep and things I want to see!!

But more importantly let's also talk triangles bc as we know god dropped a box and it split in two and that's how we got triangles!

The triangle is the strongest shape. Any weight placed on them is evenly distributed on all sides. You can't have a wobbly stool or table if it has 3 legs. So we need to be thinking about all of our 3 legged stools.

The coaches Roy/Ted/Beard: they cover each others flaws. Roy has the most experience with football, beard has the most knowledge of strategy, and Ted has the most knowledge of coaching. This episode we're gonna see them start really working together. Up to this point this season we've seen Roy and Beard at the whiteboard, but without Ted it's lead them to failure. Not anymore!

Diamond dogs Beard/Ted/Higgins: it would be a weird episode to finally pull Roy or Trent into the fold, but a great episode to have some good diamond dog screen time!

Three aces Jamie/Dani/...and Colin?: from two aces to three, I want to see an opportunity for Colin to finally shine as he's more comfy in being seen. But any other player suddenly working as ace would also be a great opportunity to showcase in this episode.

Friendship power Roy/Jamie/Keeley: A trio I'd love to see working together at last. Keeley's moved on and Roy/Jamie are finally friends and this could mean that these three actually have a chance to be bffs finally. (And even if you want the ship, them being friends first is still really good/important)

Pub friends Baz/Paul/Jeremy: a great opportunity to explore the dynamic between our pub friends again, and to find out what was going on with that 4th friend/romantic interest Baz tried to pull unto the fold.

But there's more bc we also have love triangles that might start popping up this episode: Roy/Keeley/Jamie, Jack/Keeley/Roy or Jamie, Rebecca/Boatguy/Ted, Ted/Trent/Rebecca (okay maybe a little wishful thinking on this one), Ted/Beard/Jane (at least in Jane's mind) but you get the picture. Any number of love triangles could be explored.

Onto boxes!

Thinking outside the box: obviously this is going to be a big part of this episode, it's even in the description. We're gonna see the new triangle strategy operating in which each player gets supported by two others and it's gonna cause everyone to change the way they're thinking about football.

Other characters may have to implement extra creativity as well, perhaps Keeley will have to dive into some new strategies for making her company successful. We know Sam will be doing something simialar with his restaurant since that's in the description.

The box as tradition: boxes are big symbols of keeping traditions the same. So with the triangle being important leading into this episode, this episode may also be about challenging/breaking traditions. Some traditions to pay attention to:

Pink boxes of biscuits: both bc this is a literal box, but also bc it's a tradition for Ted to bring these to Rebecca every morning. Will we see this suddenly change somehow? Will Ted forget to bring them, or perhaps he begins to bring them to others as well?

Believe sign: is this the episode in which all the teammates make new believe signs as a new tradition, to represent the type of belief they need?

Diamond Dogs: diamonds are also box shaped, and the diamond dogs are a tradition since Ted began, perhaps we see this tradition change somehow...

Other boxes to look out for might be moving boxes (I hope not!), if Ted starts trying to move back to Kansas or at least thinks about it. But also press boxes or private boxes at the games. And of course the gender/sexuality boxes with which society places all of us.

[renytherat]

must fucking terrifying nightmare ever.

《《was falling asleep in a sleeping bag/tent and dad walked by to give me smth to fall asleep better. said it was his restless leg syndrome meds. called it torrent??. i had like 7 of them in my hand for some reason. he thought he dropped one on my pillow and tried looking for it. searched under my pillow too. i said i need water to take these. so i get up and cant fucking see a thing. start walking on a sandy path. hes nowhere to be found anymore (i only ever saw his hand). my sister randomly pops up in front of me and is now leading me on this path. i grab a stick and start putting perpendicular ditch marks into the path to tell me where ive been. sister comments, says she does the same thing. we eventually come up on a bend in the path (my vision is a little better i can see the sand and trees around me). i say wait a sec. i know where i am. i turn around and happen upon and old building. looks kinda like a tiny church/the building where you would rent these kayaks and paddle boats at a vacation spot i know well. suddenly the entire vacation spot appears and im standing on the beach i know very well. but the kayak shack is still a bathroom. i cant see anything inside but i know the toilet is there smwhere. i try turning on my flashlight on my phone. it turns on for a split sec and then never again. as i sit on this toilet i wonder to myself, i need to get to the shop/game center this place has for some internet bc its the only place with some stable wifi. and for some reason thats when i realise im dreaming. so i finish using the restroom and walk out (now holding a lot more stuff?? sunglasses, a blur which i can only identify as my hanquokka stuffie bc its blue and brown, a bag that usually holds my money, earplugs, and rocks and crystals, and smth else. as my sister and i make our way back to the tent i was sleeping in i say 'im dreaming' to her. shes like lol no you arent. and i say 'yes i am. youre wearing sunglasses in a pitch black area. i need to wake up. watch this' and all of a sudden the sandy path we are walking on is actually a dock and theres a large lake in front of us. i fucking leap off and she freaks out cuz why the fuck would i just jump into a lake in the middle of the night holding all this important shit?!. a flash scene happens and shes now standing over my dripping body, assumingly done resecitating me. i still know im dreaming. then that reality fades out and another fades in. im now in a supermarket like a target or ikea (never been in an ikea btw) and im being dragged around by what i can only assume are my parents in this reality as a cat (who i look at and just know is actually my sister) drags a cart behind her that has a large portrait of smone (a king george i think) in the cart. my parents (keanu reeves and jamie lee curtis with a fluffy auburn bob haircut) are fighting as they pull my arms to where they want me to go. im resisting bc i still know im dreaming. i start shaking my head violently. a ringing in my ears starts and i am now experiencing the dream world in 4d instead of my usual 3rd person pov. and i can feel my real head moving just a tad. i start shaking more violently and the dreamworld "moves farther away and gets smaller" (kinda like if you were watching a youtube video on your phone right up against your eyes and then moved it away to arms length)》》 i am now awake. groggy as fuck and hot and sweating. i open my eyes and check the time: 3:34 am. i turn on my phone. blinded by the bright light knowing i need to write this out for some reason.

so yeah it wasnt even all that terrifying of a nightmare it was just terrifying in the sense that i knew i was dreaming and couldnt wake up for the longest time. i lump it in with my nightmares because i didnt really have control over what was happening. (i can lucid dream 80% of the time. 19% of the time i have no dreams. that 1% are nightmares)

[boxbugdotcom]

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!!!

@las--nevadas and @pndrax helped me create this au so they get tags for that hi guys 🫶

I’m just going to do a general overview sort of post because going in depth with all of it would make this post take a million years to write💔 BUT BUT BUT.

So. It’s a buttercups (+ Cub, call that the Buttercubs :3 ) band au, because of course it is (Grian’s the lead singer, Mumbo is the guitarist, Scar plays drums, Cub is the bassist). Cub and Scar grew up together, they’re both vex hybrids. Grian and Mumbo also grew up together, Grian is an avian (ofc) and Mumbo is a cinnabar/vampire moth hybrid. The band itself is decently popular (not huge though), and they make indie hippie folksy stuff, but they have a decent range. Grian does commission work with tapestries. Mumbo works a part time job with small-scale redstone (think quality of life machines; clocks, elevators, item sorters, etc), he also is very tinker-y and mechanically adept, he could make just about anything if given the resources. Scar is a baker! Both as a part time job AND as a hobby, he’s an amazing baker (but a bad cook. Grian does the cooking usually). Cub is a published astrophysicist because of course this guy in this hippie ass polycule band is an astrophysicist. He’s sooo weird i love him.

Scar has mobility issues and is an ambulatory wheelchair user— he also has a cane, and the buttercubs’ house is accessible for wheelchairs. Cub has had a skulk infection since he was very young and yes, it’s symbolic of depression and how that can affect a person. Grian and Mumbo both have EDS, which causes them both lots of joint pain and mobility issues— Mumbo feels it in his legs, hips, and wrists (sometimes elbows), and Grian feels it mostly in his hips and legs. Grian also has PCOS, and is testing out mobility aids to see if they help. Mumbo, meanwhile, has EDS and carpal tunnel. He doesn’t use mobility aids much but desperately needs them, though he can’t use a cane bc it would fuck his wrists up more. Forearm crutches would save him. Also, they are all autistic

The buttercubs have a “rivalry” (not actual beef, they’re friends) with Doc. That’s RIGHT, Docm77 is a solo musician, and he’s WILDLY popular. He makes rock style music, but like. With the lyrics of a Will Wood and the Tapeworms song. Doc will be important later. He makes enough off of his music to do it full time but he’s so fucking strange and can’t be regular for the life of him and owns an entire redstone company, specifically one that deals with heavy machinery (world-eaters, destructive stuff, heavy doors, etc). Doc is a goat/creeper hybrid, and also has several prosthetics. He made them all himself, and no, you won’t get a straight answer out of him about what happened.

Grian and Mumbo grew up in England (ofc- Grian is actually french but his family doesn’t live there). They met in primary school, when Grian transferred to this stuffy private school. Mumbo had all of one (1) friend (Iskall), and was just generally not popular, but he and Grian became friends eventually and they’ve been inseparable ever since.

Cub and Scar knew each other because their parents knew each other, and they are glued at the hip. You can’t have one without the other. I love them.

Now. If you asked them, they couldn’t really tell you how or even when they all met. They just…. did. They try and think back to it and it gets all fuzzy and odd and they just…. can’t remember.

Scar and Mumbo and Cub all don’t have any siblings. Only children through and through. Grian, however, has a younger sibling. You guessed it! Her name is Jamie (Jimmy Solidarity, but she transitioned so everyone clap and be happy for her). Jamie has two partners, Tango and Scott. They’re wonderful and I love them. Jamie is a streamer, Scott is a swimming instructor, and Tango is a game developer (think Decked Out >:] )!! Although, Tango does have a day job, which is working with redstone. Jamie is an avian, ofc, Scott is a fish hybrid, and Tango’s a blaze hybrid.

Doc met Grian and Mumbo when they were all attending university, and for a while, Doc and Grian dated. That didn’t last though, because they both had undiagnosed bpd and were more obsessed/fixated than is healthy. Mumbo was in fact in love w Grian at the time, but he didn’t say much about it. After all, that’s his best mate! Whatever makes him happy.

honestly, there’s so much more but I can’t make this post go on forever and I also don’t want to explain anything my friends wanted to explain, so I’ll stop here for now lol. Don’t think this is the last you’ll see of the Buttercubs band au though

The hc/life series au in my brain are rotating at top speed these blorbos are driving me insane

[angelst4re]

your creation involving vinnie hacker and jamie bower was so great, was hoping you can try write something with reader being an influencer and knowing being vinnie and being pretty close friend with him bc he’s the one that had learn to the reader skate and like there is some age gap between jamie and reader like 10 years he starts to slowly but surely being jealous of reader’s relationship with vinnie until one day when jamie explodes and tells reader everything

hey love!! i really liked this idea, i wrote this on the way back from the beach :) i hope you like it!!

You'll Always Love Him More- Jamie x Reader

warnings: none :)

note: I HOPE THIS ACTUALLY POSTS... i posted three other fics just now and they're not showing up... can someone check that for me cos i have them saved on my notes app incase i need to repost but i don't want to have to completely repost them 😭😭

You were who you were today because of your childhood best friend. If it wasn’t for him you’d probably have a 9 to 5 job and a shitty boyfriend. You grew up together and became successful together. When Vinnie told you he’d gained quite a following on social media you didn’t believe him, however it wouldn’t be long until you also become an internet star. This led you both into landing jobs as models, which happened to be where you met your boyfriend, Jamie Campbell Bower. 

Growing up with Vinnie and spending your childhood’s together, it’s no surprise the two of you are as close as you are. He taught you how to skate, he was your only friend at school, he’s practically your brother. Yet Jamie didn’t see it like this.

Jamie always worried that he wasn’t what you wanted. You were young, you had your whole life to live. You were only 23. However, Jamie was all you have ever dreamed of, there was no way you’d ever find another man like him. 

After spending the whole day working with Vinnie on something new, you came home to a rather upset Jamie. You put down your bags, take off your shoes and coat, then you hear him sigh.

“Y/n, can we talk?” He asks. Immediately a wave of fear washes over you, a sinking feeling grows in your chest and you turn to look at him. 

“Of course,” you push your bags to the side and sit crossed-leg next to him on the sofa, your body facing him so he knows he has your full attention. 

“I… I don’t how to say this but…” your heart pounds in your chest as you wait for the dreaded words, “are you cheating on me?” He finally asks, tears beginning to fill his eyes.

“What? No! Why would I-”

“It’s just that you spend more time with Vinnie than you do with me, I cooked dinner for us tonight, I thought you’d be home sooner since you told me it wasn’t anything important.”

“Jamie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I’d be out for so long! I didn’t do it purposely, love.”

“Leave it, y/n. I’m sick of this! It’s clear you like him more than me, and maybe that’s a good thing! Maybe he deserves you more than I do!” 

Your heart shatters at his words, you feel terrible. You wish he would’ve brought this up sooner rather than him having to keep this all in for so long. You take his hand in yours and look up at him through teary eyes. 

“Jamie, I do love Vinnie, but it’s not like how I love you! I promise! He’s like a brother to me, we grew up together. I promise I don’t think of him in any other way. I love you, Jamie, so much more than you would ever understand, okay.”

“I love you too, but I can’t help but think you’ll always love him more.” Jamie admits. 

You take your phone out of your pocket and Jamie shoots you a confused look.

“What are you doing?” 

“Cancelling my meeting tomorrow, love.” You say, texting away, “so we can have a day to ourselves, no Vinnie, no cameras, just us.”

[morganaspendragonss]

hollyyy okay i do have a prompt for you bc i don’t think i sent one before?? it’s kinda vague and i’m willing to consult if you want more details but i’m thinking maybe something where carlos is getting treated in the er for something (minor; something like a sprain or cut idk dealers choice) and then tk is dropping a patient off in the er and spots him and he’s just like oh hello??? and carlos is trying to be all casual about it like “hey tk, how are you?” and tk is just not having it

holly's august extravaganza day 30: ease my mind

thank you jamie! combined with your bthb prompt though it's far more fluffy than angsty anyway 😊

@badthingshappenbingo prompt: fingore

ao3 | 1k | fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt carlos, worried tk, minor injuries

“Okay, Officer Reyes, you’ll need to keep that strapped for a month, and we’ll be in contact shortly to arrange a follow-up appointment to check your progress.”

Carlos nods absently, flexing his hand in an imitation of one of the exercises the doctor had shown him. It sends a sharp pulse of pain through his hand, starting at his two broken fingers and ending somewhere in his wrist. The nurse discharging him smiles sympathetically as she hands over his paperwork.

“You might want to wait a couple days before starting on those,” she whispers, almost conspiratorially. “Trust me—I have experience in these matters.”

She winks, and Carlos snorts, shaking his head. “Yeah, me too. Kinda. A few months back my fiancé—he was my boyfriend then—broke half his hand, and then rebroke it after it had healed because he’s an idiot who can’t take a day to rest.”

The nurse giggles, and Carlos has no idea why he’s telling her all of this. He chooses to blame it on the painkillers they gave him, though admittedly said painkillers were very mild and wouldn’t send him loopy enough to lose control of his tongue.

He just likes talking about TK, is all.

“Well, I’m sure you won’t make the same mistake, then,” the nurse says, patting him on the leg. “You’re good to go.”

Carlos thanks her and slides off the bed, grabbing his APD jacket from the chair it had been slung over. He pulls his phone out and checks his messages, smiling when he sees one from TK.

TK, 14.38: I get off in a few hours, see you tonight babe. Love you, stay safe x

Briefly, Carlos considers calling him and telling him about the accident. But… He only broke two of his fingers and, unlike TK, Carlos did not injure his dominant hand. It barely even classifies as a minor injury in his book, so there’s really no reason to bother his fiancé while he’s still on shift himself. He settles on a simple, Love you too xx, then pockets his phone, looking up and around to figure out where the exit is.

Only, an all-too familiar laugh distracts him from his task, drawing his attention to the nurses station.

Where TK is standing, smiling as a nurse swats at him for stealing one of their lollipops.

Carlos is, beyond doubt, fucked.

He’s considering ducking behind a pillar and waiting them out, but Nancy chooses that moment to appear next to TK, her eyes almost instantly landing on Carlos. He tries to frantically shake his head at her, but he’s too late; she’s already smacking TK’s arm and pointing right in Carlos’s direction.

TK’s head snaps up and his eyes instantly narrow upon catching sight of Carlos. He straightens, folding his arms, and raises a pointed eyebrow. “Carlos Reyes, you had better be here to question someone.”

Carlos then makes the fatal mistake—he plasters a smile on his face and raises a hand in a wave, realising too late that it’s his left.

AKA, the hand that is very obviously bandaged to hell.

TK doesn’t waste a second in striding over, shifting back into paramedic mode despite the blatant worry all over his face. Carlos sighs and bears it as TK gently takes his wrist, raising it to inspect the bandages.

“What’s the damage?” he murmurs, still looking at Carlos’s hand.

“Two broken fingers, and I have to keep them strapped up for a month before they want to review. It’s nothing, Ty.”

“Nothing?” TK demands, taking a step back and staring Carlos down. “When I broke my hand last year it was ‘you need to be more careful, babe’, and ‘how do you keep getting yourself in these messes, babe’, and ‘I didn’t realise I distracted you to the point of injury, babe, maybe I should stay in the guest room for a while to make sure it doesn’t happen again’.”

TK pauses for breath, glaring as Carlos tries and fails to bite back laughter. He’d feel bad for all the teasing his boyfriend had endured back then, but, well, it had been funny.

“But now you’ve hurt yourself, suddenly it’s nothing?” TK huffs, a pout forming on his lips. “I’m not going to stand for this, I hope you know that.”

“Okay, first,” Carlos laughs, “even you have to admit that what you did was kind of funny. Second, it’s literally just two fingers and they’re going to heal up fine. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m barely hurt, and I didn’t want you to spend the rest of your shift worrying about me when you have an important job to do.”

TK softens and he glances down at his shoes, a small smile playing at his lips. “How did you know I was going to ask that?”

“Because I know you. And because it’s what I would be asking if I were in your shoes.”

A few seconds of silence pass between them—seconds of understanding and love—but the moment is broken by Nancy yelling TK’s name across the foyer.

“That’s my cue,” TK says, though he makes no move to step away from Carlos. He gives him a searching look, eyes lingering on his bandaged hand. “You sure you’re gonna be okay? I could—”

“Ty.” Carlos shakes his head, smiling gently. “Go. A couple broken fingers is not a good enough excuse to get you off your shift; I’ll get an Uber home and I promise not to do anything that would make it worse. I’m okay. I promise.”

TK sighs, still looking reluctant, but he seems to accept Carlos’s assurance. He takes his injured hand once more and presses a feather-light kiss to the back of it, cupping Carlos’s face gently. “For the record,” he says, “I always worry about you.”

Carlos leans into the touch, nuzzling into TK’s palm. “The feeling is mutual.”

Nancy calls for TK again, and they’re forced to break apart.

“I’m coming!” TK shouts back, and Carlos spots Nancy rolling her eyes behind TK’s back.

“You really had better go, babe,” he says, laughing. “I think Nancy might kill you if you don’t get back there right now.”

TK grumbles, but he does go this time, sparing one last smile back at Carlos. Carlos nods at him, trying to reaffirm the promise that he’s really, truly okay and, by the look on TK’s face, he understands.

But then, they always understand each other.

Eventually.

[wolfsneedles]

Probably biggest misconception is how catelyn is flawed as mother. I dont understand how obviously you can have 5 children to be accurate who are all further apart from you, and some are unsafe and as hostages in KL, other is fighting war and remaining are in home, the home was taken from them which is winterfell after war of 5 kings erupted. Logically talking, takes days and months to reach one place in westeros that by time she would have reached winterfell to be with bran and rickon maybe that time would have been taken by ironborn to reach winterfell when they sacked it. You cannot just say she should be with all her children and starklings and also hope robb wins, and she gets her daughters back and all is well?? Obv so many things and her mistakes which makes her a flawed character happens as result of wrong judgements and then it was impossibility to go back or leave robb. Catelyn assisted robb too a lot in war. Her eldest son did need her as someone near to her because she was TULLY! she and her son needed their support and that of riverrun. She even knew The Freys and made pact with them not mentioning how pact turned out all wrong not bcs of their mistakes only but also freys and boltons betraying and killing them in cold blood which was very unlikely. She is even sent by Robb to deal with Renly and Stannis, hoping she makes them take their crown off and fight to similar cause, then she brings brienne on the way too, and later learns of what happened in winterfell. How does that make her terrible conflicted mother, im sorry? She was doing whatever she could to help her son win war because winning that was their only chance and losing it was their permanent demise. Also she left winterfell and bran alone as people say?? Well why? Because i wonder bran was crippled and was on bed when an assasin was sent to kill him in front of her and that to in their own home, own room. Had it not been for brans wolf they both would have died yet she so bravely wrestled with the assassin as lady. As normal lady with no tactful skills or strength. of course we know later who sent it to kill bran, but her biggest last straw to leave winterfell and go to Ned ( wondering ned is also responsible for more things as in not being coming back home when given the chance 500 times to, to escape Kl, or even ask for forgive of cersei or flee with renly....but he didn't well and left them alone too knowing robb was only elder stark there and...benjen was gone) and she even comes again, back to her home when she sees tyrion, and vows to capture her because again,,,

1) She thought dagger was his we all know littlefinger told her.

2) Now her trusting LF is dumb but why? grrm made him smart and not entirely evil for purpose of telling us too how so many ppl including tyrion and cersei are fooled by him for so many times so how was cat and she knew him btw, was supposed to mistrust him, lets say even if she is somewhat naive and made mistake in this matter? Ned even trusted him. And so many. It was definitely not mistake as people push on the fact that trusting her fathers former ward who also loved her, in foreign land was dubious

3) And she still gave tyrion a trial. this makes jamie also very grey for killing ned's men, a stark, and HAND OF the king at that time openly in place, Also tyrion was suspected again which is told since dagger could have been his was made up lie by LF. infact most od jon arryns story was all a lie by LF,,, but we did not know that neither did she

And setting tyrion free, brought her back to her son's war and ned getting beheaded although i do not remember all timelines but before robb is announcement as king in the north, she even urges them all to vow and make peace and get her DAUGHTERS back. So ppl who think she was more of mother to sansa and not arya is another misconception. This is mostly used by extreme antis and others to turn them against one another when half of the diff bw them arya and sansa are result of mistake and negligence by both ned and cat and even septa mordane! Yet it is all a child's matter....arya and sansa learn a lot through their journeys about importance esp arya, of importance of having a wolf pack and not just lone wolf. Catelyn herself confessed how arya was so difficult and different not in negative way!! but to define her traits that she was always playing, in a mess "half a wolf pup, half a girl" is clearly not said as a terrible statement towards a daughter. She thinks sansa on the other hand is very sensitive and sentimental which she was, and there is nothing wrong with her being a conventional lady however she no longer believes in so many fairytales even, and arya defying the norm of being feminine lady for which you almost must be dressed as lady. Catelyns worries for her daughters and them being so apart was literally a mothers worry backed by toxic mindset and patriarchal values. Yet even then she like most mothers, never thought of only marriage and children as fate of her daughters which for e.g tywin treating cersei; only as beautiful gem of daughter to get excessive betrothals and better claim of lands and titles via her daughter only.

Ned and Cat didnt even had their daughters betrothed which was disadvantage in far sight but also kind of how their approach on their children were. Rickon was too small and definitely last of her children. Bran was precious to her not because he was bran....but because he did lose his legs and was about to get killed which made him wonder what bran did or knows which led to such vivacious attack. How is that being unequal to your children. Similarly her thoughts on arya and sansa are both realistically embodying the nature of two very different sisters. She LED JAMIE FREE to trade her daughters. SHE KNEW most likely arya was dead yet she still did it definitely not to get sansa only back but as diminishing hope for exchange of both her daughters. Long before she got to know arya might have been dead , just like bran and rickon, THEN obv her worries shifted from one child to the only alive kids she had: Robb and Sansa. Sansa was betrothed to Tyrion. And Robb was leading a war. Yet she still impulsively and as they said " a plight of mother" released jamie. Surely does make her a conflicted worrisome and passionate mother - not just to her some few children only.

Throughout acok and asos, there isn't single thing that means to describe her resentment and unequal treatment of children. Catelyn's upbringing had an effect too. Her mother died too young, she was left as woman on mercy of a terrible father in my opinion and an uncle who did love her and comforted her! She was even married to someone she didn't see. She is or did have conventional mindset about marriage and children. Her entire thing to ned and her children were embodiment of Family, duty, honour. A lot of other ppl in asoiaf aren't really always tied intrinsically and loyally to families esp ones whose families have been terrible to them. Duty is another important thing. She never even asked Ned for Jons mother purely as duty yet her outburst on young child is definitely worthy of criticism. She and Cersei in a way had both same kinds of husbands in different ways, and yet both used diff ways to climb a male dominated society - and both have different way of loving children even and a different demise (so far as we know cersei is still alive)

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 8

post directory

obsetress: now i just want fanart of damvibecca at the gym

em: well. pitch it to me comrade ghostfucker

obsetress: idk that's about as far as i got i just reread that bit about vibecca in their matching gym outfits and my brain got stuck

em: hypothetically do u have a colour palette in mind bc i associate gym outfits w like. bright loud colours and

em: idk if it works w our earth sign queens

[em note: emily is a liar and did NOT draw fanart of damvibecca at the gym]

[em note 2: we have the gym art now [x] [x]]

obsetress: i was imagining like charcoals tbh, or jewel tones

obsetress: i could see them in like jewel tone purples or that jewel tone blue green color

obsetress: yeah viola jewel tones or blacks n charcoals

obsetress: becs pastels and camels but jewel tones at the gym

em: it’s about Matching

em: And Destroying Ur Ex (platonically)

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: viola's feeling particularly smug about it but then

obsetress: dani's in an old school tshirt and shorts and jamie's in............ one of dani's old school tshirts and shorts

em: YES

obsetress: not intentionally, she just grabbed whatever was there

obsetress: dani chirps "oh you two look so cute! baby look, they have a matched set"

obsetress: viola arches an eyebrow "and so do you, it seems" and dani laughs "not on purpose, jamie just grabbed whatever was on top in the drawer"

viola: you two... share... a wardrobe?

dani: yeah?

em: god cute

obsetress: cute n dumb

em: they can share nearly everything except pants

em: well. pants as a treat

em: haha pants

em: trousers

obsetress: also rly nice rly clean smooth funny juxtaposition in my brain of vibecca being the ones who intentionally match and damie the ones for whom it just accidentally happens

obsetress: hahahah pants

obsetress: they can share pants but................ should they

em: idk miss chapter 12 danis thighs jamies pyjamas

em: should they

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: that's exactly what i was referring to THANKS

obsetress: anyway

obsetress: rebecca just laughs

obsetress: viola huffs and bex is like "sorry, babe, but it is kind of funny"

em: dani jamie wearing like

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

em: poor viola

obsetress: thinking about dani's ass in those

em: yeah....

em: violas huffing until jamies exercise flush lasts a little Too Long

obsetress: big blush jamie taylor

em: she’s still like ‘oi dani close ur mouth’ but then she

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: just ogling each other

obsetress: (they briefly pause to ogle vi and rebecca passing a medicine ball back and forth as they do squats and have to acknowledge that, yeah, they've all done alright by themselves)

em: funny montage of the gang doing exercise while surreptitiously taking Peaks

obsetress: omg all i want

obsetress:sometimes having friends as a lesbian means they're all your exes except one, who's your gf, and you're all checking each other out always anyway

em

And That’s Beautiful

obsetress

obsetress: dani: checking out viola's biceps, rebecca's abs

viola: checking out dani's thighs n ass

rebecca: minding her business

jamie: scowling n scrawny

obsetress:(n also checking out dani's thighs n ass, viola's biceps, and begrudgingly peeking at rebecca's abs)

obsetress: every other woman at the gym: checking out jamie, trying to figure out the entire dynamic here

are they a polycule? what

em: jamie probably like

em: maybe she gets really into running bc she just checks out and listens to her audiobooks but like

em: slow twitch vs fast twitch fibers so stays scrawny

obsetress: i can see that

obsetress: just gets on the treadmill and zones tf out

em: jamie ‘why don’t i have biceps’ taylor vs jamie ‘no u gotta lift w ur hips’ taylor

obsetress: she hates it but her psych told her it'll be good for her routine so you know she was like yes ma'am every day ma'am

em: cant believe safe lifting procedures screwed her over

em: ‘yes ma’am every day ma’am’ ur just Going for it arent ya anshdjdh

obsetress: sorry but don't tell me you can't hear it

obsetress: jamie's the person who takes notes in therapy

obsetress: jamie, in the locker room after their workout: do my biceps look bigger?

dani, patiently, already knowing where this is going: bigger than what, baby?

jamie: than yesterday

dani: mm, rome wasn't built in a day, you know

jamie: do they look bigger at all?

dani: well

em: i mean not to perceive her too much but mattresses scene indicates AE/jamie like. at least some muscle in the leg area

em: poor jamie

em: not playing to her strengths

obsetress: yeah she does

obsetress: i mean ae has toned af arms

obsetress: she's just wiry

em: how could i forget the benchpressing dog gif

obsetress: dani's like "jamie, baby, come do squats with me and vi" "m'good" "baby, c'mon, you'll like it" "don't wanna do squats" "it could be good for you" "don't wanna do squats with you two"

em: dani: you gotta like. eat more

jamie: i eat plenty

dani: no u graze all day and then u don’t eat dinner

obsetress: dani: five biscuits spread out across a day doesn't count as eating more

em: dani: protein jamie it’s abt protein

obsetress: dani: you need more protein, which is why i think some lentils would really––

em: jamie thinks protein shakes are Nasty

obsetress: jamie does think protein shakes are nasty but dani will make her a smoothie and sneak it in like she's a child

obsetress: viola and rebecca, with their matching monogrammed blender bottles, just staring

obsetress: becca's like "jamie, just drink it, really, it's fine"

obsetress: viola just does this haughty sniff at her and that's what finally gets jamie to start

em: jamie can deal w being a brat but the idea of viola having Anything over her drives her Insane

em: Drives Her Fuckign Nuts

obsetress: she hates it

obsetress: just the absolute fuckin worst

em: do u think dani ever like

em: like they REALLY need to clear out storage but it’s a boiling frog situation where it’s increased so gradually that

em: like jamie thinks it’s Fine storage is Clear Enough

em: it’s Not

em: danis like. should we invite rebecca and vi over

em: just be Idea of A Snide Viola Comment fills jamie w a burning rage

obsetress: oh my god

obsetress: i'm obsessed with this

obsetress: i would read a whole oneshot about this

em: eventually dani comes clean abt it n jamie thinks it’s v funny bc yknow; open and honest communication is a v important part of their dynamic

em: jamie: next time just tell me my storage looks like shite dani or i will be grumbling abt viola for a Week

obsetress: inevitably

obsetress: when they do have to come over to clean

obsetress: dani offers them takeout and wine ("step up from pizza and beer at least," jamie grumbles) and viola's like "jesus, dani, let's just go out to dinner. my treat"

obsetress: at dinner, viola's like "if you want more storage, i have some wonderful properties––"

obsetress: rebecca's mouthing "sorry" from next to her across the table

em: every time they go out rebecca takes vi aside n is like ok sweetheart so you promise you’re not gonna try convince them to sell the apartment again

em: and violas like (mock horror) of course i won’t. ye of little faith

em: and every time

em: every time she does

em: she’s tryna HELP

obsetress: she would too she'd be like

obsetress: "i'm just trying to HELP"

obsetress: "they're our FRIENDS"

em: i’m on a mission to figure out like

em: this is way way down the line

em: but i wanna believe eventually viola and jamie start to, at the v least, Tolerate each other

em: jamie might even be fond of the crazy bird but she’ll NEVER admit it

obsetress: god like vi's on business or some shit in like

obsetress: the UAE

obsetress: negotiating some Deal

obsetress: and so dani and jamie get dinner with just bex and they're driving home after and having a perfectly mundane conversation and then jamie's just blurting like

obsetress: "i think i miss vi"

em: she’s HORRIFIED

em: she tries to play it off as like um

em: she’s Too Comfortable

em: things are Too Boring

em: which is weird knowing everything we know abt jamie

em: but actually she just... maybe misses viola

em: danis like god i wish i was recording this

obsetress: jamie's passed out next to her at home later (it's ten pm) and dani's chattering happily away on the phone with vi (drinking a martini in her dubai hotel room at one am since, y'know, no bars) in bed right next to her

obsetress: "jamie, uh, said she misses you. i know. no, i KNOW. don't tell her i told you. yeah, yeah, you win, vi, we know. uh-huh. uh-huh. i'm gonna pretend you didn't just ask me that"

em: CUTE

em: u can’t lord it over her vi it’s a little secret

em: vi's like when have i EVER

em: she does

obsetress: once they're good again, dani and vi absolutely just. lose time (there's a metaphor in there) talking to each other still

em: this is wholesome tbh

em: i really like the damie stories where like

em: look it’s nice when damie have each other but it’s also nice when they have their own friends and stuff

em: dunno how to articulate that well

em: it’s a balance! it’s a balance

obsetress: yeah! exactly

obsetress: because that's part of the love n possession thing too yk

obsetress: not to say either of them would ever be like "no friends for you" but

obsetress: wanting to have a life outside of your partner yk

obsetress: they're meeting vi and rebecca for dinner after vi gets back and vi's just grinning and sweeping jamie into a hug "i heard you missed me"

em: she gets jamie a souvenir t-shirt

em: it’s too big

em: OR

em: child’s t-shirt

obsetress: (jamie sleeps in it that night)

obsetress: oh childs might be better

obsetress: she's like "you're a little scrawny, so..."

em: jamie sleeps in it.... soft bitch

em: she feels too much

obsetress: jamie taylor softest bitch

obsetress: dani watches her pull it on and raises an eyebrow and jamie's just like "wot"

em: jamies like (grumbles) i knew she was comin back i’m just

em: shouldn’t you be HAPPY about this development dani

em: ‘s’a gift... s’rude not t’....’

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: dani just grins "mmhm"

em: it accidentally makes its way into jamies workout clothes pile

obsetress: oh my GOD oh my god

obsetress: viola's shit eating GRIN when jamie shows up at the gym in it

em: jamies like fok

em: mental maths tryna figure if she wants to just. work out in a sports bra

em: she Doesn’t

obsetress: she Doesn't!

obsetress: (she's shy)

em: god it’s one of those shirts that’s like

em: someone who loves me went to UAE and got me this t-shirt or something

obsetress: dani corners her in their empty row in the locker room "you could've just taken it off, you know" "dunno, not everyone needs to... see that, you know?" "i'd certainly like to see it" jamie rolls her eyes but she's grinning "you can see that any time" "well maybe i wanted to see it during my workout" "dani......."

em: jamies embarrassed bc of her gnarly farmers tan means her tummy is at least five shades lighter than the rest of her

em: crisp tan lines

obsetress: god jamie's farmers tan

em: once again i am bringing my tan lines jamie agenda

obsetress: dani loves jamies dumb farmers tan so much

obsetress: she giggles

obsetress: but it's the most loving giggle possible

em: and then when she gets into running...

em: god when i was rowing there were a couple ppl w like what i called a neapolitan icecream tan which is

em: gimme a second

obsetress: jamie gets all huffy when dani giggles at her tan but then dani's like "baby, no, i think it's cute" and jamie gives her a look and dani grins mischievously and ducks her head

obsetress: and then she's licking and kissing and nipping her way along jamie's dumb tan lines

em: there it is

obsetress: it was inevitable

em: so caught up in the joy of jamies dumb farmer tans i forgot abt her gnarly scar she keeps under wraps

em: baby

em: the most baby

obsetress: baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

em: jamie decides the only way to claim the stupid t-shirt as hers is to cut off the sleeves

em: it’s abt the ritual of the thing

obsetress: she shows up at the gym wearing it and

obsetress: that's viola's "oh no she's hot" moment

em: YEAH BABY

obsetress: literally just like

obsetress: world stops

obsetress: viola stares

em: jamie finally gets to do an exercise that shows off her sinewy manual labor grip forearms

em: viola’s probably just as horrified to find jamie hot as every time jamies like oh no

em: violas hot

em: and once again jamie CANNOT know she’s hot bc she will be insufferable

em: she will be the Worst

obsetress: viola's tugging rebecca aside "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "what?" viola waves a hand and rebecca just furrows her brow a little and is like "that's just... what she looks like, vi"

obsetress: viola corners dani next "why didn't you tell me jamie was hot" "i did" "oh. right" viola pauses, then "why didn't you make sure i was listening?" dani just gives her a look and walks away

obsetress: dflksdjfldaj god the way jamie and viola are. the same

obsetress: kind of incredibly, in the same ways dani and rebecca are the same

em: “hey baby, did viola seem different today? seemed off”

em: jamies like. is she mad at me. did i break another social taboo.

em: rebecca ‘jamie looks like jamie’ jessel vs dani ‘my gf is so hot i can’t stand it’ clayton

obsetress: "i tell you how hot she is at least three times a week, vi"

em: danis tryna goad her into making the damn shirt a crop top

em: jamies like yeah but isn’t that a step too far. i feel like i am destroying this shirt too much

em: she does it anyway

em: so jamies workout clothes are danis endless grey baggy school t-shirts and this one ugly souvenir shirt that like

em: psychological warfare and she doesn’t even know it

obsetress: i would........ like to see it

obsetress: also crop top jamie is one of my favorite jamies

obsetress: she is severely underrated

em: crop top jamie is

obsetress: and we do not talk about her enough

em: jamie wear More crop tops

obsetress: viola and rebecca in bed, in matching facemasks, after going to the gym post-epiphany that Jamie Is Hot

obsetress: viola: are dani and jamie hotter than us?

rebecca: what?

obsetress: and like

obsetress: viola is NOT insecure

obsetress: she is constantly confident that she's the most attractive woman in the room at any given moment, but

obsetress: she's just so staggered by this realization

em: some neutral third party (ms grose and mr sharma probably) are like well. u guys definitely have a little more of a scary thing going on

em: i’m imagining rebecca and viola at brunch w hannah and owen v seriously discussing this

em: viola brings it up and rebecca GROANS but then she gets invested in the convo

obsetress: GOD yeah

obsetress: she's leaning forward and gesturing with her fork "when you say 'scary'..........."

em: owens like scary is a compliment

em: hannah grose sips her tea knowingly

obsetress: rebecca just narrows her eyes at hannah grose and hannah raises her eyebrows and shrugs

em: after a week or so viola bursts into a room w stupid big sunglasses and a tray of take out coffees and she’s like Don’t You Worry Jamie I Have Concluded You’re Hot But I’m Not Threatened By It

em: jamies like sorry WHAT

em: you’ve been thinking about WHAT

em: viola leaves without ever following it up

obsetress: dani is entirely unfazed

obsetress: doesn't even blink

em: danis like neat she remembered the oat milk

em: everyone in this au is insane

obsetress: any lesbian in 2021 is insane

obsetress: par for the course

em: was gonna protest but

em: Yeah

obsetress: this lesbian meme account i follow on insta is doing “stop asking who’s the top and who’s the bottom. start asking...” posts

obsetress: and one of them is “start asking who’s baby and who’s fuck around and find out” and it just makes me chuckle

obsetress: jamie taylor baby

obsetress: viola lloyd also baby

em: dani is baby passing and jamie is fuck around faking

obsetress: oh my god that’s why that’s why i think we cracked it

obsetress: dani (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: rebecca (fuck around) dated jamie (baby) and vi (baby)

obsetress: the reason they could never cross further even tho per the transitive property dani (so similar to vi) should be able to date beccs and jamie (so similar to beccs) should be able to date vi is because

obsetress: you can’t have two babies and two fuck arounds in a relationship together

em: oh of course. i see. i see

em: however in the rare rare crack ship of the ‘jamie viola hatefuck’ a similar phenomenon to ‘social anxiety mum friend ordering food’ instinct takes over and someone fucks around and finds out

em: this is just my unhinged jamie viola hatefuck bulkshit which is. it’s ironic ok it’s ironic it’s ironic it’s

em: ok one last thought bc i know it’s super late for u but

obsetress: omg i also have a last thought let’s trade

em: what if mikey is about isabels age n jamie ends up looking after him for one reason or another for a bit

em: and viola absolutely Dotes on him

obsetress: omg

obsetress: that’s what does it. jamie seeing viola w mikey

em: grumble grumble i guess she’s not that bad

em: except then she’s like god what if mikey likes her MORE than me

obsetress: “dani what if mikey gets one of those weird first crushes on vi”

obsetress: dani doesn’t even look up from the laundry “who hasn’t had a crush on vi”

obsetress: jamie’s like “mE” and dani just gives her the most withering look

em: danis like It’s Par For The Course Jamie

em: danis a teacher she’s like it happens don’t sweat it

em: anyway

em: what was. what was ur last little thought

obsetress: i was just thinking more about viola also baby and how also she’s been so privileged her whole life that sometimes there are just some things she can’t do for herself because she just doesn’t know how

obsetress: like she’s never had to learn

em: rebecca gets um

em: freeze dried coffee

em: nescafé

obsetress: but like

obsetress: rebecca genuinely loves taking care of vi for whatever reason (it’s because she loves her) when she really needs it but

obsetress: rebecca also takes no shit and is like “i’m not making the nescafé for you. you’re 36 years old, vi, you need to learn to do it for yourself”

obsetress: and she’ll stand there and watch her do it and then she makes vi do it at least three more times for posterity

obsetress: “i’ll make a plebeian of you yet, viola lloyd”

obsetress: (god only the two of them would think a line like that is funny)

[ziracona]

in living memory is my favourite dbd fic! seriously feels like it could be it’s own novel series. and i absolutely would purchase the hell out of it if it were asdhsfsff. i was wondering if you had any headcanons regarding the physical appearance of survivors (or killers, too!) since the in game models are... questionable and hard to rely on. if not, no worries!

Awww! Thank you so much! That is an incredibly meaningful thing to me, and I really appreciate it. And sure! I enjoy doing asks. 

In general, I think I headcanon the characters as similar to their models, but obviously there’s some decent room for artist interpretation there, and I definitely have my share of #takes. I tend to fluctuate and like a whole lot of art interpretations of the characters, but I really, really love how @xmafiacatx draws Philip especially, and their picture of him saying he’s sorry was one of the first pieces of art for the game I saw and where I get all my own mental images of him from as base inspiration, and the way @dwightfairfields draws Jake and Dwight is exactly how I see the both of them. For the characters in films as well, like Quentin or Tapp, I think I see them as they looked in the film (Kyle Gallner/Danny Glover) and not their in-game model at all (there’s also a Tapp ask blog w a super great style). Although of course, Quentin and Laurie would both be a little older now. Michael and Laurie are a bit more complicated, but @lauriecynthia had a take I really loved for the sibs. I know Michael has had a lot of height/size iterations, and I dig the like 6+ feet tall for him, but while I think he’s obviously strong, I don’t think he’s like, Kronk from the Emperor’s New Groove jacked or something. He was in Smith’s Grove forever. He’s a little bit more lean than he tends to get drawn, but while I keep that from the og film canon and take my height more from the game and rz canon, I do go with more of a dirty blonde for him (like first film and like Laurie herself). I really like the sibs having the same hair color and somewhat similar faces—where you would definitely be able to tell they were related just looking at them beside each other, because that’s kind of heartbreaking. I think I see dbd Laurie as a little more dbd art specific than filmic interpretation, but with some obvious Jamie Lee Curtis inspiration drawn in. Especially eyes and that fantastic chin.

(putting the rest under a read more bc this got long) 

While I am aware neither Meg nor Susie have freckles in their models, I see both of them with those. I’m also aware of canon heights, but Meg Thomas should not be as tall as she is, and I cannot be swayed. Do love her legs though—as a runner myself, that really be how runner legs look. Thighs like a log and calves like a brick. Regardless, Claudette, she, and Feng should all be similarly short. I also probably see Susie as bigger than her model intends, like a little bit plump and definitely not buff at all, and to my credit with that sweater you really can’t tell. There’s also not a whole lot of body diversity in the dbd character models, like you’ve really just got Jane and Jeff for any kind of plus-size representation at all, and that’s a huge shame. I think of Claudette as probably a little less tiny than she is in-game, and kind of soft all over and incredibly sweet and cute, but with really tough and calloused hands from all the work she does with them regularly, and very similar/close to her model. Jake as a lean kind of buff. I like the way people draw Kate a lot more than her model, so I see her as the kind of person who just looks like a nice person, tall, and muscular (now, after all that work she’s been putting in). Nea’s model also isn’t very kind to her, and I can never see her that well, :’-] , so I see her more based on how she tends to be drawn—punk, and the kind of person who looks like they’re about to tease you when they grin. From the game models it looks like Nea and Meg both have cutting scars, and that makes sense to me for both of them, and that’s such a common thing for people to go through as a teenager and young adult, I think it’s important to have characters that have definitely been through that too. I constantly forget how tall Quentin is, so I think in fic he probably hasn’t hit that last growth spurt just yet. It’s coming for him later, and he’s still a bit shorter than his game model.

Also, while I get Adam is a serious character and person, I don’t like that he’s perma-scowling in his in-game model, and that doesn’t fit how the game itself wrote him, so I see him looking a lot more relaxed-serious than that, and reliable. I think he gives off an air of being a lot older than he is, but if you took a hard look you’d be like, “Oh wait. You’re in your twenties damn.” I think he, Laurie, and Kate are especially tall among the young adults, with Dwight, Quentin, Jake, and David being shorter (David at the tallest of those), then Nea, then Meg, then Susie, then Feng, then Claudette. I see Jeff and Jane pretty much how they look in-game, because those designs are nice, and same for Ace. He looks like a nice guy always about to crack a joke and a bottle of champagne for the whole team. I think of Tapp as very tall, Jane and Jeff as pretty tall but shorter than him, and Ace as shorter than all three and more like Laurie/Kate/Adam height. I’m not sure why I see Laurie as tall so much—I think it might be the bellbottoms. They just have that effect on legs. And then of course, Philip towers over the others at over 7 feet. I also can’t think of a good way to describe this, but I think of Susie as both cuter and a lot more interesting looking than her in-game model. For Joey, I’d say pretty similar, and Frank, but I think of Julie with her hair grown out longer again, like about chin length, and curly/wavy. For Anna/the Huntress, I see her like her game model, but (most of the time anyway) with human eyes instead of the full-pupil thing. Which will actually get a little bit of elaboration next chapter, coincidentally. For David, I see him as a little bit probably younger looking than a lot of his model skins, and more like he tends to be drawn/his base skin, and like a tough but also nice dude. Also, with the sort of 12’oclock shadow, but no beard.

Sorry if this wasn’t what you meant and you meant more like, dress style or something, but I hope this is of interest at least. : D Thanks for the ask!

[bing-fucker]

Ooooo I would very much like to see Wilford or someone fucking JJ during family movie night and yeah JJ is already quiet and yeah, everyone else in the room has fucked him before, but he's still biting his lips and trying to keep in all his little pants and gasps and be all sneaky like with it (ofc everyone else knows what's happening, but they're not gonna say anything that might disrupt it bc JJ looks so pretty when he's getting his brains fucked out)

Okay so before we get into it, a li'l explanation of how the Septics are arranged during movie nights; Marvin, Jameson, and Jackie sit on the couch, usually with Marvin and Jameson cuddling. Chase sits on a recliner, usually and is usually in charge of the remote. Henrik generally sits on the ground with Robbie, or on a loveseat against the wall by the couch. If Anti shows up, he generally sits on the ground in front of Jameson or Marvin so they'll play with his hair. None of that matters, but it's important to me that you know that.

Also! I couldn't think of an excuse for Wilford to be in movie night unless all the other Ipliers were there, and if that was the case, Jameson wouldn't let Wilford fuck him. Too many people. And we haven't gotten enough of Chase. So we get some Mean Daddy Chase (he's not actually mean, he just likes teasing). Endings a li'l weak and a cop out to avoid writing the orgie that occured, but oh well.

Warnings: Exhibitionism, teasing, slight degradation, Chase does make a slightly ableist comment, but he doesn't mean for it to be that way, daddy kink (I feel like Chase just as a whole has a daddy kink). As always, ask me to add any warnings!

Chase was planning something. Chase had been planning something for a while now. Movie nights were fun, sure, but they were getting a bit boring. There were no good movies out lately, and they'd already watched their whole collection of DVDs. So it was only right that Chase do something to entertain his friends!

"Hey, Jamie," Chase said, smiling. "Do you wanna sit with me tonight?"

Jameson looked over and nodded, smiling brightly. Marvin pouted briefly, but smiled when Jameson hugged him and went over to Chase. Chase grinned and pulled Jameson into his lap, dramatically kissing Jameson's cheek and making the little gentleman laugh.

"All righty, settle down," Chase laughed, tickling Jameson's ribs lightly before settling back against the chair. Jameson smiled and leaned against Chase's chest, tucking his head under the older's chin. Chase smiled and covered them both with a blanket, looping his arms around Jameson's waist innocently.

"V'hat are you plannink?" Schneep asked, looking at the pair skeptically.

"Can't I just want to cuddle with my friend?" Chase replied, snuggling Jameson closer.

"I don't trust you," Schneep muttered, turning back to whatever movie that Chase had put on for background noise of his plan.

Chase laughed and settled in to pretend to pay attention to the movie. Jameson squirmed slightly to get more comfortable and Chase gently gripped his hips to still him. The movie was boring. Which was exactly what Chase had wanted. He could already tell that Jackie was close to falling asleep from boredom, and they were only about fifteen minutes in. Chase wanted to wait a bit longer, so he supposed it was lucky that Marvin was texting Jackie memes in the groupchat to keep him awake. Jameson was also getting bored, but he was far too polite to bring it up. He always got squirmy when he got bored, and with him sitting in Chase's lap, it wasn't exactly conducive to waiting for further into the movie.

"Jamie, calm down," Chase muttered, gripping Jameson's hips tightly to still him.

"Sorry," Jameson signed, blushing faintly and stilling.

About an hour into the movie, Jameson's squirming reached a peak. Chase laughed softly as the gentleman practically bounced unhappily, a bit like a kid in a boring class. Which was sort of amusing to watch, but also unfortunate for the erection that had been growing for a while in Chase's jeans. Chase smirked slightly and pulled Jameson against his chest, gently resting his hand on top of Jameson's crotch. Jameson stilled, blushing a bit more.

"Something wrong, Jamie?" Chase purred quietly, gently grinding his palm against Jameson's crotch. Jameson gasped softly, blushing more and weakly grinding against Chase's hand. The gasp, soft as it was, seemed to at least gather Jackie's attention, as he turned towards the pair. Chase smirked and moved the blanket to the side, letting the hero see as he pushed his hand down Jameson's pants and gently stroked him.

"Chase," Jameson signed shakily, blushing brightly. "Chase, we are with the others!"

"Yes, I am aware," Chase replied, slowly pushing Jameson's pants down his thighs and grabbing the small bottle of lube from his own pocket. He had planned for this, after all. Jameson blushed more and bit his lip, trying to silence his gasps further as Chase carefully pushed two lubed fingers into him. Across the room, four of the others remained oblivious for now, but Jackie stared with a deep blush.

"Chase," Jameson signed, biting his lip and trying not to pant too loudly.

"I know, baby," Chase replied, hooking his free arm under Jameson's leg, lifting and spreading it so Jackie could see his fingers moving inside of Jameson. "Does it feel good, baby?" Jameson nodded, gasping as Chase's fingers crooked against his prostate. Jackie groaned softly at that, drawing Marvin's attention first to Jackie and then to Chase and Jameson.

"Holy shit," Marvin muttered, shifting to hide his growing erection- a change from Jackie, who was rather blatantly palming himself.

"Jamie~" Chase purred, leaning down and kissing Jameson's neck gently. Jameson opened his eyes to look at Chase, pupils blown wide. "Do you want more, baby? You want daddy to fuck you?" Jameson gasped and nodded, rocking down against Chase's fingers desperately.

"I dunno if you deserve to, baby," Chase replied, lifting Jameson's leg higher to tease him. "You were pretty squirmy earlier, baby. Weren't very nice to daddy, were you?" Jameson blushed and shook his head, looking at Chase with a pout.

"I think I should get to have my fun for a bit longer, baby," Chase purred, watching Marvin hit Anti's head and point over to Chase and Jameson. Chase grinned and pushed another finger into Jameson, drawing another gasp from the gentleman that got Schneep and Robbie's attention. Jameson closed his eyes again, biting his lip.

"Do you think the others don't see you?" Chase purred. "For a mute, you're very loud, baby. They can all see you, baby. See what a slut our little gentleman really is~" Jameson blushed more, hesitantly opening his eyes before quickly squeezing them shut again at how much everyone was staring at him.

"I z'hink z'hat's enough teasink, Chase," Henrik cut in, watching the pair.

Chase looked over at him and frowned. "I suppose so," he replied, pulling his fingers out of Jameson and letting go of his leg. Jameson turned and hid his face in Chase's neck, gasping softly as Chase slowly pushed his cock inside of him.

"There we go, baby," Chase groaned, once again lifting Jameson's legs and letting the others watch as his cock moved in and out of Jameson. "You feel so good, Jamie~ Your little hole takes me in so eagerly~"

Jameson gave a whining gasp, pressing his face further against Chase's neck. Chase grinned and moved faster, releasing Jameson's hip and gripping the gentleman's jaw to turn his face toward their audience.

"C'mon, baby," Chase purred, kissing Jameson's cheek gently. "Look at your audience, baby. Look at how much they all love watching daddy fuck your slutty little hole~" Jameson blushed and hesitantly opened his eyes, looking out at the others. Jackie and Marvin at this point were making out, Marvin in Jackie's lap and both grinding against each other as they watched Jameson and Chase. Robbie and Anti were both blatantly jerking themselves off, and the only one who seemed mostly unaffected was Schneep, who offered Jameson an encouraging smile.

"See," Chase purred, fucking Jameson harder. "Look how much they love you~" Jameson gasped louder, rocking his hips down against Chase desperately as he came, dirtying his shirt with a deep blush.

"Look at that," Chase teased. "Look how quick you came, just from me fucking you~" Jameson blushed deeply, shuddering with after shocks that quickly sent Chase over the edge as well. Jameson blushed and relaxed against Chase, hiding his face shyly.

"Well," Anti purred, standing and going over to Jameson and Chase. "I think it's a bit unfair if only you two get some fun, hm~?"

"As long as our baby agrees, I don't see why not," Chase replied, grinning. Jameson blushed and reached up, gripping Anti's shirt with shaky hands before pulling him into a kiss.

It was most definitely going to be a long night.

[xo-dailypier-blog]

this is not a recap;

     hey cumguzzlers,

It has come to my attention that Lady X took it upon herself to rate the nether regions of the men of Santa Monica. Unfortunately her assessment was BIASED and hardly based on facts. So as a JOURNALIST, I have taken it upon myself to get to the TRUTH. Today will be a Top 9 list of the men in this town, and their BEDROOM PERFORMANCES.

I’m not revealing actual sizes, because I firmly believe that it’s all about the motion of the ocean. And if you think I’m giving a run down on every SCRUB in this town, you’re out of your mind! I WISH I could have made this a Top 10 but most of the guys on Lady X’s assessment, have already been exposed in the fuck hut tapes during Summer Crush, and honestly? Don’t even make the cut for the top 5. Like, we KNOW the #DemonDick is low-key worth the hype (BUT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE HELLO? IT RUINED TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN LIKE THE SPAN OF A DAY! AND IM SURE THE BUCK DOESNT STOP THERE!), and we GET IT, Adam has a massive ROD, and I’m sure (Power Top) Asher, his brother, isn’t that far off. Vic IS well endowed AND can make things EROTIC. And we all know about Jack, who is also well endowed but has, like, erectile dysfunction or whatever. Oh, and don’t forget Daddy Sorrentino is obvs a beast in the sheets, but I’ve been telling you guys that since, like, ever. And I’m honestly on a Jamie/Cunty Sabbatical atm, they’re going through a difficult time after Cunty cheated, so who really needs their dick-info broadcasted on top of all that, ya know? (Cunty deff comes in at an alleged 9 inches, which is bigger than Jamie, BUT he (Cunty) never uses his junk on Jamie because, like Asher, Jamie is a Power Top. (but you didn’t hear this from me). Look, if any guy is left off the list that you have interest in, like, just ask Phobe. I’m sure she’ll know.

But before we get started, Congratulations are in order! You guys voted on Hottie of the Moment, and we have a winner!

It’s none other than Miss Fraudi Zirconium herself (@heidistarks​) The queen of bargains has stormed onto the scene in her Wild Fable Couture and has CAPTIVATED the hearts of all Santa Monicans. In honor of her win, I am giving everyone a $25 gift card to Claire’s! If you go to their website and use offer code SharkThot, you too, can get the Heidi Look. When asked about her recent accomplishment she had this to say:

"It's about fucking time." - Fraudi Zirconium Stark, 2019

Congratulations, again Fraudi! You go girl, work that Forever 21 tracksuit, bitch!

NINE - ALEC CLARKE @alecxclarke​

One of the wangs in question that Lady X TOUCHED ON was Alec Clarke. She mentioned that Alec was more than likely LACKING in the his SOUTHERN MEAT DEPARTMENT. So obvs i had a BONE to pick with this assessment because Alec’s fan base is GETTING UP there with Jamie Carter’s so we have to know what he got in them jeans. Sadly ... while his junk is fine. His way around the bedroom is is abysmal, I honestly thought it was a PHALL-ACY but one girl who is one of his past flings, wrote to me after seeing Lady X’s post. She has asked to remain anonymous...

Hey DP (and Lady X),

I saw your post about Alec and you’re wrong about his size. He’s actually pretty girthy and lengthy or whatever. But he is honestly one of my worst encounters. We met on a dating app, that shall remain nameless. So fast forward to sexy time, and once we started making out it was a tragedy! No tongue, no passion. It was like kissing a mcfucking corpse! His lips were like, so dry, but, whatever, that’s not the problem. Once I started giving him a blow jay he just randomly burst into tears, and said he couldn’t do it anymore, and asked if I wanted to play fucking Yahtzee. I left and bought Listerine. I think you should look into if he is like this with all the girls, instead of his size. Bc that’s the real tea. Anyways, Love the Blog! Kisses!

Its always such a disappointment when this happens. OBVIOUSLY our HoneyBun Alec has some issues to work on. I know he has a Crazy life but I didn’t think things were this HARD for him.

Overall Rating: N/A

Favorite Position: Again, N/A. I could hardly find girls who’ve had sex with him ................. INCHresting. (Ok, that was the last one).

Downside: I mean, Hello? He breaks out in tears mid-coitus! He IS the downside!

Alec! Write into us with your side of the story! I prom (half a promise) that I won’t believe the rumors. Love ya, Honey Bun!

EIGHT - SKYLER DAVIS @skylerxdavis​

No idea where Lady X got the idea that he had the biggest LOVE MISSLE in town, but it is absolutely FALSE. And in fact, what I’ve heard about his performance in the bedzzzZzZzZzzzzzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzZzZzzzz ZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Overall Rating: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Favorite Position: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Downside: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Alleged Body Count: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

SEVEN - NOAH SINCLAIR @nhsinclair​

So next on the list is Noah Sinclair. This one will be brief, because it really threw me for a loop. So I’m sorry to report, that Noah has a Chode. I know. I’m actually crying while typing this but this is only the word on the street, so take it with a grain of salt.

“Darla” (fake name) wrote in to my blog to refute Lady X’s claims. She writes:

I’ve had half way sex with Noah one time and when he dropped his pants I literally laughed. Not to body shame or whatever, but I, like, couldn’t have sex with him because the condom didn’t fit. Sorry, didn’t have a Trojan Jr readily available? He’s good with his hands though.

So Noah has made the list in a sad and unfortunate entry. So ladies if you want Noah to DIP his NUGGET in YOUR sauce, you better make your move!

Maybe this is why he got that divorce. Ugh, poor Natasha. Let’s hope this is all a rumor, I would hate for it to be true.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The hand thing is kind of important).

Favorite Position: Noah’s Nugget Number (No clue what this means, ask Diana or Natasha).

Downside: There is no downside if you, like myself, are privy to a good Nugget or two. #RanchPlease

MOVING ON!

SIX - LOGAN LANCASTER @loganlancaster​

Our next entry is none other than Long Dick Logan Lancaster. According to Lady X, Logan is average. Well I’m here to let you know that, thankfully, LDL lives up to his name (no nuggets here!). But you guys would have to get with him to truly find out how #blessed he is.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Alligator Fuckhouse, according to sources. (DON’T Google it, live in ignorance).

Downside: The only reason, ya boi has gotten 4 stars instead of 5 is because of the rumors surrounding his hygiene. As we know, there’s been a debate on the internet about washing your legs. And Logan, an able bodied man, doesn’t do that. Nor does he take showers the way that he should. Many girls who’ve been with him have complained of smelling the stinch of onions and mildew while ENGAGING with him. Others have complained of a SALTY taste while going down on him. Most of the girls he’s BANGED have all been in the junkyard of his Auto Shop or whatever so maybe it’s a fetish for them? That’s no excuse for bringing that nasty ass behavior to every other girl in Santa Monica.

Thankfully a bunch of you have been sending body wash to his shop, so maybe we can LanCAST the mustiness away (If this is true).

Logan, please write in, I need to know the truth. But other than that, the dick is BOMB! But make sure you don’t over-do it on B.J. part though, sodium intake is v important and you wouldn’t want to get hypertension suckling on his salty ass COCK.

FIVE - EMRE YOGIOH @emre--yavuz

Ok, so next on the list is Emre Yugoslavia (or whatever his name is). Ok so ... buckle in ladies.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Lion King (I’m serious, don’t Google these things).

Downside: Ok, so Emre is supposedly into bondage. Which totally makes sense since he’s like, repressed from childhood. The whole missing sister thing really took a toll on his psych, since he’s parents totes forgot about him. Now he YEARNS for control. So the word is that he’s basically Christian Grey but not a literal abuser. He’s into bondage, slapping, SPITTING, choking, flogging, and whips and chains EXCITE HIM. An S&M Daddy! Now the only reason this is in the Downside section is because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some girls find it disturbing, and others are totes into it. I’m the latter! Sign me the FUCK up! Choke me with those strong REPRESSED hands.

I noticed he and Olivia have been friendly recently, let’s hope she knows that she’ll be walking side to side after a night with him (no, but like, because of the flogging, not the dick). Once he’s done with those spread sheets at his hoity-toity big boy job, spread sheets take on a whole new meaning once the dawn comes. You go Emre Yahooligan! #callme

FOUR - DEVIN FLORES @devinxflores

First of all, I just want to give a big thanks to all of you for letting me call him Devin TORRES for the past few MONTHS like a complete MORON! I really appreciate you guys letting me disgrace the future KING of Santa Monica in such a terrible way! No really, you guys are the best. I love my fans <3.

Anyways, it’s well known that Devin and his Alaskan Bull Worm have burrowed through the city. Both the men and women alike have survived the DF experience, with ZERO complaints .... well, except for one ...

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Charizard (ONCE again, don’t Google. Just know that it involves fire ... And we aint talking about lighting no candles (which he allegedly seems to enjoy, how romantic!)).

Downside: As we have witnessed, Devin is a complete and total klutz! He is always getting himself into a bullshit that is literally all his fault. Didn’t he glue something to his head a few weeks ago -- actually, you know what? That’s not important. What I was getting at is, the main complaint about DaddyDevinFLORES is that during SACX the klutz JUMPS OUT. He has been rumored to have smacked his head on the headboard whilst switching positions (causing him to go UNCONSCIOUS for SEVERAL HOURS, which completely RUINS the mood). One of his Encounters even claimed that during a Romantic Toast of Wine, he clinked the glass so hard it broke and and SHARDS of GLASS went into his hands, causing him to bleed INSTANTLY. What the fuck, Devin?

How could someone who can handle balls so well out on the soccer court, not be able to handle them in the bedroom without accidentally falling out of a window in the process?

Ladies and Gents, much like Emre, Devin will have you walking Side to Side, but if it happens you might be suffering from brain damage after falling in the shower whilst trying to have sex with him. Please seek professional help immediately.

THREE - BERNBERN<3 @carverberncrd

Coming in at Number 3 is none other than Heidi’s personal play thing! We’ve seen his bulge through his Under Armour spanks, so Of Course I had to do a little research to find out the Lipton on HIS heat-seeker. I’ve reached out to his past flings and came to a general consensus.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The women I interviewed all confirmed he is an excellent LAY, so once again, I was right. BernBern<3 outsold your favs.

Favorite Position: Doggystyle (obvi)

Downside: He’s a Taurus so while he will indeed fuck you into a state of paralysis, it’s only to reach his Hedonistic Quota for the evening. He probs won’t even remember your name once he’s done, let alone learn it in the first place. So don’t get attached<3.

His star sign also explains his relationship with Fraudi. Not only are they both so annoyingly stubborn, but Two tops can rarely make it in a relationship. Just ask Ash — never mind. (Omg, btw Idk WHY everyone keeps asking. YES, the rumors are true! BernBern<3 gets pegged, but only by Heidi, it’s actually a testament to his masculinity and how he’s reached the apex of it at this point. But this is all old tea. So I guess Julian isn’t the only #DemonDick in the Stark Fam, Surprise?). Anyways, I ship them, but they get on my fucking nerves! They can’t even admit their undying love for each other, which is so obvious. But this isn’t about #Berni (working ship name), BernBern<3 has a massive COCK (and heart) and it has landed itself on the Top of the list.

TWO - SINRIQUE @itsenriqueaguilar

This one came as a surprise to me because I have no idea who this is. But yalls asses do! So here we have Enrique Aguilar, coming in at number 2 because of the OUTPOUR of receipts on the TALLY WACK ATTACK that he PACKS.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: You know, there wasn’t a general consensus, he’s a man FULL of surprises.

Downside: No, you don’t understand, there is literally no downside. Look, here is a letter from one of the women he’s slept with. For reasons, you will understand REAL soon, this person has been kept anonymous.

Dear DP,

It’s been approximately 1 year, two months, 9 days, 5 hours, and 46 seconds since I Locked Eyes with Enrique from across a crowded room. That night would go to be on of the most invigorating, tantalizing, and romantic experiences of my life. But when I woke up the following morning HE was gone. I long for the day I see him again. My heart Aches at the thought of him with another women. Giving her the same love that HE gave to ME. I need you to understand that I was a grade A student at my university (4.0). I had an paid internship at an elite institution that OWULD HAVE LED ME INTO A PROMISING CAREER! BUT AFTER THAT NIGHT I BECAME RAVENOUS. I NEEDED MORE. AND IT CONSUMED ME! EVENTUALLY I LOST MY INTERN BECAUSE I STOPPED SHOWING UP! I FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. I SEARCHED YOU ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! ENRIQUE I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE! JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT! PEASE I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! CALL ME AT [redacted]

Obviously Ivy, sent this in ... kidding (But honestly though? They did used to date, which ... yikes ... Good to know Daddy Rique has no standards, maybe we all have a chance. #shade #clapback #scalpt)

Anyways, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders ... AND good head on his shoulders OKURRRRRR!!!

ONE - SEBASTIAN DELGADO @bashdelgado

That nerd that sat in the back of the classroom brainstorm his next nerdy ass invention with high-watered khakis, and orthopedic shoes in like, the ninth grade (because he was focused on Arch Support???????). That’s him, Sebastian Delgado. And Baby Daddy Bash has DITCHED the NERD LOOK and is now ready to SNATCH YOUR CAT BACK.

I’m sure everyone is just surprised as I am. But hey, they don’t call him “Bash” for nothing (except for the fact that it’s a shortened version of his name). He’s totes Bashing Puss with his MONSTROUS MEAT TRUNCHEON (and Buss?? Sebastian contact me about your sexuality).  

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Missionary, he’s a man of passion and likes to stare DEEP into your eyes. #swoon #romantic #westan

Downside: Well if you HATE Love and AFFECTION, this one is not the one for you. Not only does he have a GINORMOUS, UN-NUGGETED MEAT SEPTOR/LAP ROCKET/VAGINA MINER, which, by the way, last a LONG time, He is EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND Material! He’s caring, patient, kind, resourceful, loyal, and he is well on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire -- which is NOT the reason he is number one! Money is not the goal here ladies (and guys? Seriously Sebastian, I need to know what’s up).  

Sebastian is the complete package and he has ALL of the other guys in this town QUAKING!

So Stan A True Man. Stan .... Sebastian.

And that, my friends, ends the TRUE tea on the wangs in this town. This was fun while it lasted, but I have some COCKtails that need my attention (ok, maybe THAT was the last one).

xo, DP

[littlemaatta]

Extravagant - Tyler Seguin x Reader

Anonymous said: Could you please do an imagine about Tyler Seguin where the reader works at a school age child care place in the summer and Tyler drops her off in the G Wagon and the girls that she works with start asking questions about him and she has to spill that shes dating an NHL stars and everything?? That was long, I'm sorry. ILY

a/n: this is funny bc i work with kids so all i need is for tyler to come pick me up in the G and drive me to work every day and i’ll actually be in this story

warnings: none!

Your private life and your work life stay separate, that’s an important thing to you. All the time you listen to the girls at your work talk about guys they find attractive, and some of them mention Tyler, you stay silent.

Because the thing that they don’t know, is that you not only know Tyler Seguin, but you’re dating him and you live together.

So one day as you’re about to head to work, your car decides not to turn on. 

Tyler has been begging you to let him buy you a new one, since yours is kind of old and crappy, but you refuse.

You don’t like letting him spend money on you, you’re very proud and like to earn your money yourself. You know he’s very well off, being an NHL player and all, but you still won’t let him take you car shopping.

He walks up to the car window and you frown at him through the glass as he smiles smugly, jingling the G Wagon keys in front of the glass.

You roll your eyes and reluctantly grab your keys and bag before exiting the piece of junk car and following a smug Tyler to his beautiful G Wagon. 

He opens the door for you and you smile to yourself as you get in. 

He starts the car and you make light conversation as he drives you to work. When you arrive, you thank him and give him a quick kiss before jumping out of the car and walking into the building for work.

As you walk in the door, however, you see all the girls you work with huddled by the window, whispering and staring as Tyler drives away in the expensive car.

You sigh and prepare yourself for the volley of questions as the girls crowd around you and start speaking rapidly.

“Stop! One at a time please.” You say, holding up a hand.

One friend opens her mouth first, “Who was that?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Who is he?” another asks

You sigh again, “Tyler Seguin.”

There is a moment of silence before the girls burst into commotion again, some squealing and some yelling at you for not telling them sooner.

They ask more questions like, how long have you been together, what’s he like, what’s it like dating an NHL star, can I get his autograph, can you get me Jamie Benn’s number.. and on and on it goes.

Throughout your 4 hour shift, the girls continue to bombard you with questions. Whenever a kid needs to go somewhere or needs help with something, you are the first to volunteer, taking any excuse to get away from the endless questions.

Of course, you knew this would happen, which is why you never let Tyler come to your work before. Once he had suggested that he pick you up to go to lunch on a day you had to work an 8 hour shift, but you quickly said you would rather just come home and see him instead.

He never questioned it, he probably didn’t even think that people would react like this if they knew you were dating him. It’s not like you kept your relationship secret, of course, but you managed to avoid the topic at work. 

Until now. Your stupid car just had to break down.

You are out the door the second your shift ends. You make for the parking lot and find Tyler sitting in the G Wagon waiting for you. 

He looks up and smiles as you get in the car, leaning over to kiss you. 

“How was work?” he asks.

“Awful.”

He frowns, it’s not often you don’t have a good day at work, you love your job and your kids make you happy. 

You tell him all about how the girls saw his car and him and then they asked all the questions in the world.

“You had to take the G Wagon, didn’t you Ty. Couldn’t have driven a more inconspicuous car.”

He puts a hand on your leg, continuing to drive home, and says, “You love the G Wagon and you know it.”

“Yeah but it’s so... extravagant.”

“So if I bought you a G you wouldn’t like it?”

You laugh at the prospect of your boyfriend spending $120,000 dollars on a car for you, especially when you wouldn’t even allow him to spend a quarter of that on a used car in good condition. 

He looks at you and furrows his brows, “Why are you laughing?”

“Cause this is a one hundred thousand dollar car Tyler, you can’t spend that much on me.” 

“Babe, I would spend all the money I have on you just to see your smile.”

“You’re so extra.”

“Yeah, but you love it.”

“I know I do.”

[downstvged]

“ oh. uh... you had your eye on that last laffy taffy, too ? ”   awkward. peyton reaches for the candy anyway. his fingertips close around the treat and nudge it closer to the person beside him. “ go for it. my favorite’s banana anyway. ”

or, alternatively : i have zero restraint & ‘tis i, linc, comin’ atchu w/ my third, peyton pellegrino !! resident senior class treasurer & lacrosse co-captain & theatre techie. he’s a wholesome boy but jeez... is new ham gonna break him. dun dun dunnnnNNNN .  ; )

✔ ┊❝ noah centineo. he/him &. cismale ) eighteen year old peyton pellegrino was listening to “no place like home” by marianas trench when the field trip buses turned around. rumor has it he’s on a missing children’s list in delaware & his dad is actually his childhood kidnapper, but who knows if that’s true? what we do know is that their friends describe them as suave & bona fide, even if they’re known to be a little restless & yielding from time to time.

i’m... not gonna do my long intro format for him bc ain’t nobody got time fo dat! and i’m lazy sfhiefh. but here we go !!

( tw: mentions of kidnapping, false death, anxiety, familial deceit )

AMBER ALERT, MILTON PD, DELAWARE —  MILTON TOWN POLICE HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED EIGHTEEN-MONTH-OLD JAMIE CLAVERTON WAS STOLEN FROM HIS MOTHER’S STROLLER IN BRUMBLEY PARK EARLIER TODAY. SUSPECT WAS NOT IDENTIFIED AT THE SCENE. ANYONE WITH INFORMATION IS ENCOURAGED TO CALL POLICE IMMEDIATELY.

spoiler alert : little jamie claverton never quite found his way home. with no witnesses to the kidnapping ( thanks to his mother’s ignorance... yikes ) ,  matthew pellegrino, age 30, was able to make an easy getaway with the child. in 2010, milton police closed jamie’s case. the clavertons, heavy-hearted, buried an empty casket for their lost boy, unaware that he was alive and well just two states away, living comfortably with his “ father ”  in west ham, connecticut.

peyton pellegrino’s mother abandoned her family shortly after peyton’s first birthday –– she’d struggled with postpartum depression & decided she wasn’t made out to be a mother. despite matthew’s pleas, his wife disappeared into the night. and just like that, it was just father and son. us two against the world, peyton’s father would say. they moved around frequently, spending almost each passing birthday in a different place. new york city, boston, miami, chicago, philly. it wasn’t until peyton’s seventh birthday that they finally settled somewhere long-term: phoenix, arizona. and, by the time his tenth birthday rolled around, they hopped across the country once more.

to west ham, connecticut. a dramatic change of pace. matthew had landed the position of fire chief, his record of improving local fire departments finally recognized. so ten-year-old peyton careened into fifth grade, then middle school. he fit right in. and west ham? west ham ate up the pellegrino family story. nobody suspects a thing.

in a hidden compartment locked under matthew’s desk lies the only record of peyton’s past. duplicated fingerprints. forged social security documents. fake passports, just in case. the key’s hidden somewhere in the house. but it’s the two of them, father and son, them two against the world.

and up until now? peyton hasn’t had the means to discover the truth.

peyton pellegrino, aspiring broadway set/lighting engineer:

inspired by “no place like home” by marianas trench.

peyton moved to west ham when he was 10, so i would love some long-term connections for him. his dad’s the fire chief, so he’s definitely... involvedˆin the smell stuff. more on that in the future.

he’s heavily involved in lacrosse, mock trial, theater, & student gov. he’s the senior class treasurer because freshman year, his pals on the lacrosse team joked he had the only face people wouldn’t be mad to hand class dues to. he’s been voted into position ever since.

will be attending eastern connecticut state university for a degree in theatre & theatre design !! he’s SUCH a techie and very unashamed about it, but he will get bashful if he gushes on too long about the importance of a crisp curtain or how much of a difference fading spots can make. he acts as well ( see his excellent performances in mock trial competitions ) but he’s got such a love for framing the stage, making his performers look good. making the visual effects an extension of the story.

works as a pizza delivery boi for one of the local faves — and you best bet this kid makes amazing tips. in the summers, he techs at a bunch of theatre camps and throws in a gig scooping ice cream just for some extra dough. it’s not that his dad doesn’t make good money as fire chief, but they struck a deal that peyton would foot at least half of the bill for college. so he’s trying to getting a jump on that.

one of those rare breeds that is hella involved and seems really relaxed about it? but... he does have anxiety & struggles with panic attacks from time to time. they were really bad when he was around 8 to 11, but they’ve calmed since being here. it’s one of the reasons why matthew looked for a position in such a small, calm town.

sike !!!!!  west ham ain’t calm no more !!!!

speaking of his dad. they’re fuckin’ best friends, alright? saturday nights are reserved for the pellegrino boys. foosball. ping pong. b-rate game shows.

he’s the kind of dude to go out of his way to help you and say it was no sweat. even if it was all the sweat.

if he loves you, watch him lay out his jacket so you don’t have to step in mud.

has a bad habit of nipping at the edge of pens. it’s one of the anxious ticks he hasn’t quite been able to shake. sometimes his right leg bounces, if he’s forced to sit still in one place for too long.

will likely join the committee on going home, if something like that arises. leadership courses through his veins, but peyton’s not really one to pursue it very much. he’s more content to chip in and help everyone else than sit at the top. but if someone close to him ( cough cough, @cvssndra​, cough ) decides to take the reins, he’ll be right there to support.

he eats his pizza rolled around the crust, like an italian taquito.

notable fashion choices include : leather bracelets, cuffed jeans, lots of solid colored and colorblocked tees. when he dresses up for mock trial, the girls kinda swoon. boy looks dashing in a suit. has a glasses prescription but always wears contacts. his dad says he looks sharper that way ( but it’s actually because, with glasses, he looks too similar to the claverton family. )  beat up chuck taylors, kind of untied on purpose. he’s got that whole loosely kept together, sleep deprived look down pat.

in middle school, he did a social studies project on milk carton kids. his project partner said there was this sketch from delaware that kinda looked like him. they both just laughed it off. young peyton came home and told his dad all about it over dinner. his dad laughed. the next day, peyton tried to find the same webpage, and was met with a notice that it had been permanently disbanded.

catch him longboarding around town like an absolute boss.

his favorite gum flavor is juicyfruit. it reminds him of go kart racing with his dad in arizona.

has functional knowledge of asl. he began learning at his school in chicago, and pursued it a bit further in arizona when he learned their next-door neighbor, patricia, was deaf. young peyton would walk the nice lady’s mail up to her door and learn a few signs from her each day, then practice them at dinner with his dad.

i imagine his dad’s reputation makes him fairly well-known around town. it’s likely peyton knows the owners of most businesses around here, so he’s the dude you stick near if ya want free shit.

he knows his dad’s disappointed he’s not pursuing a career in law enforcement or medicine. but peyton barely survived one day of junior firefighter training.

he actually just went back on anti-anxiety meds recently. so that’s gonna be interesting, when that supply starts going bye-bye.

people always assume he’s from cali, because of his overall vibe. his dad says he was actually born in ohio. peyton did a whitepages search in ohio for kenna pellegrino. the search came up empty.

his pals have a running inside joke where they hand him bottles of san pellegrino mineral water. it’s hilarious. and he hates it.

aight cuttin’ it short so i can hop onto this dash!! as always hmu for plots, bants, and good times !!  xx