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thompsborn · 4 years ago

Note

do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.

also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this

ironhusbands:

when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—

he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters

you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.

and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!

when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too

like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.

rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be

and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.

so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.

for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.

rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.

but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.

they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!

so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay

and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too

and thats when tony is like. well.

about that.

he might be calling from a payphone.

on a random street corner.

and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.

rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.

a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™

but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT

and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it

tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now

so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT

rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?

and tonys like wtf are gatherings

and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok

tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough

but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER

so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.

SO MUCH anger

because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and

and he’s gonna fix it

and this is the first step

so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice

tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says

rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off

anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:

rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?

but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—

door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK

of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it

until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time

(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)

sambucky:

firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws

also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected

update from after writing this: i lied

let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve

thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away

children. they are children.

which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway

and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD

and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.

its so funny to me okay its SO funny

its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.

post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess

i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.

okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!

SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.

bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.

also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”

bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop

sam havin a nightmare too

because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.

and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact

but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.

sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck

steve and sam probably got it

the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.

what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.

sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.

therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”

and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.

there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.

its gone, and he gets it.

sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it

it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead

but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”

its the way sam says, “me too.”

and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”

its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but

but its this and its them and that can wait

it can wait

they can take their time if they want to

maybe they’ve earned that much, at least

(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...

when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.

that's what makes it worth the wait.)

#ironhusbands #sambucky #headcanons #asks

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blog-sliverofjade · 4 years ago

Text

Of Doms & Subs 1: Can't Stop Here, This is Wolf Country

Pairing: Angus Hopper x OFC

Summary: What's a submissive female to do when she fights her nature and goes on the run as a Lone wolf to avoid being assimilated into a pack?

Word count: 6238

Master List

“Please, please, please let me get as far as Tacoma,” I begged the flagging gas gauge of my trusty old lime green Jeep. Experience told me that it was wishful thinking because traffic was bound to hit before Everett. There was undoubtedly a Seattle pack and the fewer the stops in their area, the smaller the chance of getting picked up by the local werewolves.

A schoolbus drew parallel to me in the left lane so a giant cartoon lupine mascot filled my peripheral vision. “Can’t stop here, this is wolf country,” I muttered.

If I barrelled through, gas up in Tacoma, then I could avoid the dreaded I-5 parking lot in both Seattle and Portland on the Friday of a long weekend. Even though I started out in the British Columbia Rockies my destination was the central Oregon Cascade mountains, it was faster to cut across lower British Columbia, down the I-5 corridor, and then back across the Willamette Valley.

This route also happened to avoid the territory of the famous Adam Hauptmann and his pack. Oh sure, he was the perfect gentleman in the media and his wolves were seemingly well-behaved, but you know what they say about things that are too good to be true. I was submissive and had no delusions about where I’d end up in the hierarchy. Hell, humans had taught me that long before I was Changed two weeks ago. And female werewolves were inevitably absorbed into a pack because some old grand high poobah declared that we couldn’t fly solo.

So why was I zigzagging all over the Pacific Northwest instead of rolling over like a good little bitch? Having been submissive for over thirty years, I’d long ago learned avoidance is the best way to avoid conflict. When that didn’t work, an acerbic tongue and short temper kept most people from getting too close to abuse that aspect of my personality. Too many people think that passivity is a synonym for doormat.

My luck, or rather fuel tank, ran out in the U District. Red and blue lights lit up the rearview mirror just as I squeezed through a yellow light towards a gas station. “Please don’t be for me, please don’t be for me,” I chanted as I pulled into the lot.

“Of course not, when has everything gone your way on this godsforsaken trip.” I lowered my window, plastered a meekly congenial if slightly vapid look on my face, and gripped my license and registration in a sweaty fist.

“Good evening.” The officer bent to look in the window. We both stilled the instinct we caught the other’s scent. I dropped my eyes immediately, partly to avoid staring at the scar that marred his face, and offered the documentation. Please don’t ask any questions, I prayed silently.

“Are you traveling by yourself, Ms. Jones?” Whatever deities that haven’t been listening to me can go shove it.

“Yessir. I’m headin’ back home to Oregon from visitin’ family.” Mostly the truth. I did stop in Vancouver to visit my brother. I put the Southern drawl on fairly heavy. The twang and the manners to go with often smooth the way with people in uniform, even if I hadn’t lived South of the 44th parallel in fifteen years.

“Oh, you have family here?” Must remain calm. Normal, even breaths will help control the heartrate.

“Vancouver,” I smiled. So what if it was Vancouver, Washington and not Vancouver, British Columbia?

“BC?”

“Yessir.” His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly at the blithe lie.

“You must be a member of the Portland pack,” he said, eyeing my ID a little too closely for comfort now.

“Yessir.”

“I’m just gonna go run these.” My dad was a cop and his face would go blank like that whenever he was gathering evidence of my brother’s or my misdeeds. This was so many flavours of not good.

The wolf watched him walk back to his car. She liked the way he smelled. Familiar and right. Like family. If she could, she would have trotted right at his heels. At that thought, the human half kicked in and started up the engine, slammed her into gear, and peeled back out towards the onramp.

“Smart. Real smart, what’re we gonna do now?” I tapped the steering wheel in a staccato rhythm with my thumbs in time to the rock blaring from the sound system. “No license, no registration, he called your plates in before saying hi, he has your address and…” I grabbed my phone and shut it off. If the conspiracy theorists were right, they could track me via the phone. Is it paranoia if they really are out to get you?

I crossed over to the 405 and stopped in Bellevue for gas, otherwise I’d be making my getaway on foot. I leaned against the Jeep, ignoring the damp that seeped from the cold metal through my clothing, and debated the merits of taking the really scenic route of 101. Or would they expect me to leave I-5 and thus making it the safer choice by hiding in plain sight? My head was starting to hurt from trying to outthink them.

The gas fumes seared my nose so I couldn’t smell the driver of the Mazda 3 that pulled up behind me until he approached the squeegee station between us. Studiously avoiding eye contact, I screwed the cap back on and nestled the nozzle back in its hook. Slowly, no sudden moves.

I slid behind the wheel and as the engine turned over a cop car blazed into the station to block me against the Mazda. It looks cool in the movies. Less so if you’re the one trapped. I shut off the engine, folded my arms, and leaned back in a huff. My license and registration slipped through the three-inch gap at the top of the window. I snatched them up and tossed them in my purse without pausing in my attempt to mentally set his car on fire. Unfortunately, lycanthropy didn’t come with pyrokinesis. In the movies fiery explosions usually follow when there are confrontations in gas stations. Too bad life wasn’t imitating art in this case.

“I take it you know the law.” The scarred officer was not referring to any statutes written by man. “You can either come and meet our Alpha or I can arrest you and then you can meet him.” There was no threat in his words. He sounded as if he were inviting me over for dinner, which might actually be the case. I resisted the urge to hit the steering wheel. It would likely crumple now that I had preternatural strength.

“Fine. So where am I following you to meet your lord and master?”

“Matt here will be your driver,” he gestured to the guy who’d blocked me in. Mazda Matt leaned against his car door with his arms folded across his chest, watching the exchange with a slight smirk. “Shane will follow in your car.” A third man I hadn’t noticed before was mirroring Matt’s pose on the other side of the car.

I sighed and glanced at my phone. Even if they let me use it, who would I call? Hi big bro, I’m being kidnapped by werewolves. Please send in the National Guard. Tanks work against werewolves, right? I kicked open the door, forcing the cop to quickly sidestep. With a snarl on my lips, I chucked the heavy mass of keys attached to a carabiner at Shane. Damned werewolf reflexes. If he’d been human they’d have struck his temple and probably dropped him like a stone.

Matt came forward as if to take my elbow and escort me. “Touch me and I break your scaphoid. They’re a bitch to heal even with regeneration,” I snapped. Just because my wolf was happy about getting taken to meet their leader didn’t mean I had to be. He drew back his hand, but he did open the door for me and waited till I buckled up before shutting the door. Why buckle up if I could survive a trip through the windshield? It’d still hurt like hell.

“So I heard you’re from Portland,” Matt said as we merged back onto 405 in an attempt to fill the silence that was thick with my seething.

“Look, I’m no doubt about to get grilled on all this anyway, so let’s skip the twenty questions, ok?” He shrugged and didn’t seem put out by my rudeness.

Eventually he turned on the radio. I fiddled with it until finally settling on 107 the End. I tried to suppress a smirk at his frown. Judging by his pre-sets he liked the music just fine. Not so much me taking control of it. If some strange wolf was driving my Jeep, Mazda Matt could suck it up. He should be glad I didn’t put it on country out of sheer spite.

Thirty minutes later, due to traffic as opposed to distance, we pulled up in front of an expansive house partially obscured by trees. I shuddered to think of the market value for the area. They seemed to be having a party due to the sheer number of vehicles parked beside the house. Shane pulled up as I trailed behind Matt to the door.

The door opened to a large mudroom with hooks for coats and cubbies for shoes. About half of them were in use. Curiously, there were two utilitarian shower stalls that would have looked right at home in a locker room. I followed Matt’s and Shane’s examples and removed my shoes, tucking them into one of the shelves.

“We’re having a barbecue on Saturday, so a bunch of us are already here to watch the game,” Shane explained from behind me as I followed Matt down the hallway. The sounds of men cheering or jeering at a TV screen echoed up from the basement. My human half was worried about being in a house with a bunch of strange men. My wolf on the other hand was curious and delighted by the mixture of scents that spoke of wolves.

How to play this? Be a general pain in the ass and risk the consequences? Or be a good little submissive female and not only risk being assimilated, but also subordinate to everyone else. I always believed in playing to one’s strengths, which meant plan A was go. Besides, I’d never been accused of having the sense God gave a squirrel.

Matt stopped by an open doorway and gestured for me to enter. The man standing behind the desk was certainly not what I was expecting of an Alpha. For starters, he didn’t look like an arrogant asshole. Secondly, he was maybe an inch taller than me, and I was considered fairly short. Underneath his wine, or perhaps blood-red dress shirt he was thin. The only hint to his status was the intelligence lurking behind his dark eyes, which I merely glimpsed before lowering my own.

“Welcome, Eleanor,” he came around to shake my hand. I didn’t know if it was proper protocol or if he somehow knew that I was recently Changed and was sticking to familiar, human customs. His grip was firm, not crushing like some men, and not too gentle as if he was afraid of breaking me. It was a bit startling to actually be able to shake his hand properly instead of my hand simply being engulfed by his as was the case with most men.

“I am Angus Hopper, Alpha of the Emerald City Pack. You’ve made good time considering you left Revelstoke early this morning.” Oh that was neatly done, putting me in my place by hinting that he knew more than I suspected, but not exactly how much. “Have a seat,” he leaned his backside against the desk and gestured to one of the comfortable looking chairs. It was an order, not an invitation. And why was I reminded of being called to the principal’s office as written in a Penthouse letter? Shoving aside x-rated thoughts involving school uniforms and corporal punishment, I tried to look as non-threatening as possible.

“Been sittin’ in a car so long I’d rather stand if’s all the same.” Eyes down, properly polite, and heavy on the Southern accent to hide any attitude.

“I imagine,” he said with a small smile. “So tell me how you came to be living in Portland, a city currently without a pack.” Crap on a cracker, there’s no lying my way out of this one. How does a city that size not have a werewolf pack?

“I was Changed two-weeks ago,” I sighed and sat in the other chair in defeat, the one he had not indicated, forcing him to shift slightly to face me. If he didn’t want small acts of defiance, then he shouldn’t have multiple options available. “I was solo hikin’ in Glacier National Park an’ doin’ a little boulderin’. One slip an’ I ended up with a broken spinal column at the bottom of a ravine. By the time John found me, it was Change or die. Chose what I thought was the lesser o’ two evils. Stayed with him through the full moon an’ then headed home.”

“Does John have a last name?” Angus asked with a frown. My wolf worried that he was displeased with us. I worried what that might mean for us if he was.

“He said he’s old an’ the old ones don’t like to give their last names.” I had to consciously square my shoulders, which had subconsciously rounded under his frown. He nodded as if the answer wasn’t a surprise to him.

“And he was willing to let you go so soon?” he asked with an arch of an eyebrow. It really should be illegal for such a simple gesture to lend an irresistible quality when he was already handsome. Or that could have just been my imagination because it was hard to read expressions from peripheral vision.

“Not as such no,” I admitted reluctantly. “I waited till he went out huntin’ then I booked it back down the mountain.”

“Why did you feel the need to run?” he asked softly. Even if I was brave enough to look him in the face I doubted that it would give any clue as to what that tone was in his voice. I wasn’t necessarily a coward, but I was never comfortable discussing my personal life, let alone with strangers. Focusing on the rug, or the bookcase, was easier than looking at him.

“I got a job to get back to an’ I really wasn’t fond o’ the idea o’ bein’ stuck in the backwoods with a crazy old mountain man who’s also a werewolf.” He was silent, obviously waiting for me to continue. “I got the feelin’ that even if I was fully in control he wouldn’t let me leave.”

Angus folded his arms in thought. “Do you know where John lives?”

“There’s a map in my glove box. I could show ya the route to the cabin we stayed at. There’re no roads, an’ it’s a bit of a hike in.” Despite my best intentions to the contrary, I was cooperating. I blamed my wolf, who was eager for his approval. The Alpha obviously did not like what he was hearing, but it was rapidly becoming apparent that I was not his quarry so I was more than happy to keep him on that trail. He caught the attention of either Shane or Matt behind me, and a moment later a door shut. “But I did get the feelin’ that he moves around a lot.”

“Eleanor,” he began.

“Ellie, please.” Angus did frown at the interruption, but hearing my horrible legal name, which the cop must have told him, was like having my fur rubbed the wrong way.

“Ellie, you’re not in any trouble,” he said soothingly, as if I were a startled horse that might bolt. Perhaps that analogy wasn’t too far off the mark considering I was practically vibrating with the need to run for the Jeep. “The manner of your Change was highly unusual, bordering even on breaking our laws.”

“The law says that no one may be Changed without their explicit permission. I was coherent enough to give it.” Ha, that caught him off guard. That’s right, the newbie knows the rules of the game. I might not remember anything else around the accident, but things like a weird, hairy mountain man offering to save your life by turning you into a monster tends to stick in a person’s memory.

“That is true, yes. However, the second law is that before someone is Changed they must undergo rigorous counseling and testing to determine whether they can become stable wolves,” the Alpha explained. I forgot for a moment and stared into his dark eyes in shock that someone would make the choice deliberately rather than out of desperation. I quickly looked away once the surprise faded.

“A newly Changed wolf lacks control for their first few full moons and requires supervision for the first year,” he continued as if there was no breach of protocol. “A pack is necessary to guide new wolves.” He sounded like he had given this speech many times before. Luckily, he didn’t succumb to dry monotones.

“Which’s why I was goin’ to pack up an’ move somewhere rural enough I could run off a little steam,” I countered. “Nurses are always needed everywhere.”

“This is not just a ‘little steam,’ pup.” I suppressed a flinch at his growl, as well as a snarl of my own at being called ‘pup.’ He took a deep breath, whether to calm himself or to continue his lecture I didn’t know because the sound of the door opening interrupted. Shane handed Angus the familiar map, folded in my own fashion that in no way resembled its original creases. Those things are impossible to refold properly, anyway. After carefully moving a few items, he unfolded the map over his desk and handed me a pencil.

“Here’s the trail head.” I pointed to the circle already marking the spot on Highway 1. “He follows the main trail through this valley.” I pointed at the trail, which was already marked from my planning before the trip from hell. The accent softened as I talked and forgot to maintain it. “At about here he branches off at different angles each time so that his trail, not being well worn, is hard to pick up until you’re further out and know what you’re looking for.” I marked an X where I’d gotten lost and decided to just keep following the river down until I found either a trail, humans, or the highway. “Follow the river up and at the very edge of the park he’s got a cabin right about here.” I drew a paw print on the spot. “With the climb in elevation, it would’ve taken me about two days before… before. Downhill with a light pack, I made it in around eight hours.”

“Does that say ‘Dogtooth Range’?” Shane asked with a hint of a wry smile.

“Could’ve been worse. He could’ve gone for the really obvious with either Grey Fang or Fang Rock,” I smirked and pointed out the so named peaks on the other side of the park. He snorted a chuckle.

“You didn’t go to the authorities.” It was a statement, not a question.

“And end up in a secret government facility?” I scoffed. “No thank you.”

“Where did you stop to rest?” asked Angus.

“I didn’t.”

“Fatigue can be as dangerous as alcohol,” he frowned.

“Have caffeine, will travel,” I quipped.

“Even though your endurance has improved, you still need rest. Exhaustion erodes control.” And back into lecture mode.

“Like I said, I’m a nurse. Pulling doubles, even triples, isn’t unusual,” I countered.

“You passed through the territories of four different packs.” Someone had probably pulled my credit card history to follow my route in retrospect. That was fast work, and most definitely illegal. “How did you avoid detection?”

“Didn’t stop more’n absolutely necessary,” I shrugged. “And when I did, I tried to not get out of the car. Drive-thru, avoided pumping my own gas where I could.”

With a few taps Angus called someone on his cellphone. He had to swipe his fingerprint to unlock it, first. It even had one of those heavy-duty cases, which was probably a good investment for a werewolf. “Hello, Angus.” It was still weird how much my hearing had improved, especially back in civilization.

“Hello, Bran.” Aw, son of a biscuit. I really did not want to show up on the Marrock’s radar. Angus gave a concise report of everything that had happened to me since the accident, as far as he knew, including the pathetic getaway attempt. I sat back down for the uncomfortable reprise.

“Send me the map and I’ll have Charles look into it.” I wasn’t certain how I felt about having just signed John’s death warrant. The old werewolf wasn’t too specific when he talked about the Grand High Poobah of North America, but he was clear that any time the Marrock sent someone blood was spilled. “How is she getting on with your pack?”

“She’s a touch overwhelmed so I thought it best to wait before introducing them en masse.” I glared at Angus from under lowered lashes, which is harder to do than you would think without looking coy or drunk.

“If she chooses, escort her to Eugene. Otherwise I will send someone to fetch her here until she decides where to settle,” Bran said. My scowl deepened and I opened my mouth to tell them exactly what I thought of their plans. Shane shook his head almost imperceptibly in warning, though there was more empathy than condemnation in the movement.

“Please give my greetings to Anna and Charles.”

“I will.” The call abruptly ended from the other end. Our King of the Werewolves was not one for drawn out goodbyes. Angus took a couple of pictures of the map and sent them off with thumbs flying across the screen fast enough to make a teenager jealous. Then he did the most supernatural act I’d seen out of a werewolf yet: he carefully folded the map along the original fold lines before handing it back to me.

I doubled it over and shoved it in my back pocket as I stood. “If you’ll excuse me, I would like to make it home in time for my shift tomorrow night.” Although I kept my eyes on the bookshelf, I could feel his stare boring through me till my knees threatened to turn to Jell-O. Locking one’s knees is a surefire way to eventually pass out, but is effective in the short term.

“I’m afraid that you will have to change careers. Even old wolves can have problems around so much blood and the vulnerable.” The bastard actually managed to sound regretful.

“I have neither the money nor the inclination to go back to school. Not to mention I’m a little old for that.” Must not growl at the Alpha, I mentally chanted for the benefit of my human half.

“Loans can be arranged, and I’ve known werewolves who were alive when the Magna Carta was signed and earned their doctorate two or three times over.” He sounded so cool and collected as if we weren’t discussing what was the beginning of what was theoretically to be my extremely long life. “The more immediate issue is how much control you have.”

“If I don’t get my act together by this time next year I’m put down.” Don’t know why I spared him when it would have been so much more fun to watch him squirm.

“Not only that, but you must be able to shift form and back at will.” People go through that much pain willingly? “New wolves need a pack to teach them control and to prevent unnecessary bloodshed when the wolf takes over until control is regained. We cannot afford one mistake lest we all disappear into secret government facilities at best, or hunted down and exterminated at worst.” Angus’ voice achieved a deeper timbre that coiled through the room like some living thing as he seemed to be losing patience. “You will stay the night here. In the morning Shane and Matt will escort you to Eugene to be presented to the pack there.” Ooh, presented like a gift. Who could resist such a command? Oddly enough, my wolf did not like this plan either, but not because of the authoritarianism.

“And if I don’t want to join a pack?” It’s difficult to arch an eyebrow effectively while avoiding eye contact. But not impossible.

“That is not an option,” he shook his head. “Even if you were not so new, our females are so rare they not allowed to become lone wolves.” That’s what John had said, but I hoped that it was a lie to keep me from leaving. The whole damn lot of them were so possessive it’s a wonder they even realized they were in the 21st century. And I didn’t belong to anyone. Not any more.

“Fine. But I’ve driven from here to Eugene many times so I think we can dispense with the escort.” I waved vaguely over my shoulder to where Shane still lurked by the door.

“That is non-negotiable. As a dominant male and even more so as an Alpha I have a responsibility to see a submissive female delivered safely to another pack.” Oh bloody hell. John was right. They could tell from one’s energy, no matter how much I tried to hide behind my sass. “Not all dominants that you might meet along the way would be as tolerant of your attitude as I am.”

“More arbitrary rules from on high,” I said flatly and folded my arms. “Tell me, is His Furriness one of those at the signing of the Magna Carta? No wonder ya’ll’s thinking’s so medieval.”

Angus grabbed me by the back of the neck and snarled in my face. Reflexively, I stiffened and closed my eyes to avoid looking at him. His grip was tight, but not painful. One quick twist and he could snap my neck. I was pretty sure that was one injury from which there was no recovery.

“The Marrock set down our laws for reasons you cannot yet comprehend. You don’t have to understand our ways yet, but before God you will show respect,” he snarled. There wasn’t anything I could say to that, so with an involuntary shudder I went limp in his grasp as my wolf temporarily took over. Well, there were things I could say, but self-preservation and my wolf stayed my tongue. After a minute, he released me, stepped away, and turned his back. The strength I had just experienced first hand was evident in the taut lines of his wiry shoulders.

My heart pounded in my throat while in the back of my head my wolf howled her anguish at having been chastised. As a result, my self-preservation went right out the window. “My respect is earned, not freely given. If I’d realized that my choices consisted of which pack I was going to be the lowest bitch in, I’d have told John to bugger off.” At least he’d have made sure that it was quick and clean.

The Alpha breathed deeply and was quiet for exactly ten seconds. Basic relaxation techniques to manage the beast within? And they thought they could teach me something in that area? When he was done, but not noticeably calmer, he turned around to lean against the desk again. “We have a rigorous screening process to avoid situations like this. Dominant lone wolves are the last people who should be teaching pack structure to a submissive female.”

“Please stop using that term.”

“‘Female’?”

“Used as an adjective, it refers to a person. As a noun, it denotes something less than human. An animal.” Like breeding pairs. Good thing I never wanted to procreate anyway.

“Get used to the terminology.” If he were human, he’d have developed a new frown line from this conversation alone. “In the constant struggles for dominance, females and submissives are the center of a pack since they do not rise in rank, except for when their mate does in the case of females.” If I didn’t like ‘female,’ I despised ‘mate,’ which seemed a ridiculous term for a species that couldn’t bear children. “With submissives, dominants don’t have to constantly watch their back. And the pack will unite to protect these weaker members.” Oh if he thought I was weak, he had another thing coming. “Female submissives are so valued that any pack would welcome you.” ‘Submissive’ as a noun was definitely not an improvement. “But none would tolerate your disrespect for long.”

“That’s exactly why I should just be on my merry way,” I said brightly. “I’m really more trouble than I’m worth.”

“Nice try,” he smirked. “Dinner is in thirty minutes. You’ll want to freshen up.” True to my nature I wanted to deny hunger despite not having eaten since well before the border crossing. I’d worn the same clothes for the past twenty-four hours straight, which included a frantic run down a mountain through unfamiliar woods, and my hands still smelled like gasoline.

I was still noticing just how many interesting smells I was covered in when a tall, perky blonde swept through the door. She must have practically been listening down the hallway, not that, that was necessary. Everyone in the house had probably heard me mouthing off. I’d forgotten about that. Great first impression.

“Please show Ellie to the guest suite.” Mickayla gave a sloppy salute, earning a scowl from her fearless leader, then cocked her head in silent invitation to follow her.

“You’re up on the second floor,” she said as she led me upstairs. “Hopefully you’re not afraid of heights after your accident,” she grinned.

“Are you kidding? I’ve always wanted to try free climbing, but was too scared. Now I totally want to,” I said.

“Don’t mention that to any of the guys or they’ll have kittens.” Her golden laugh bounced through the stairway.

“Now I’m picturing a bunch of them at the base of a cliff with a giant trampoline like in cartoons when there’s a fire,” I chuckled and she joined me.

“This is you,” she waved a welcoming arm through an open doorway. “Matt already brought your backpack and duffel up.” My bags were indeed sitting on a low, wide dresser against the nearest wall. The queen bed with its elegant down comforter faced the door. A door on the right led to a bathroom, although I had no idea how I was going to be able to do my business in a house full of people who could hear through walls.

“Thanks.”

“No worries. You need anything you just give a shout. Wait, you’re new. No actual shouting necessary, just a sort of ‘hey’ so we know you’re not talking to yourself,” she winked.

“Um, Mickayla?” She turned back to me. “What’s it like being in a pack?”

She stepped into the room with a small smile and shut the door behind her, for all the good that would do. “I don’t know this John, but sometimes wolves go lone because they can’t handle being in a pack.”

“Yeah, he did seem more than a little biased.” I dug out the Ziploc of toiletries and the bundle that was the last clean outfit I’d originally saved for the last day of the drive home, but didn’t dare stop long enough along the way to change.

“Think of a healthy pack more as one big family.” Mickayla flopped onto the bed with one leg tucked up under her, yet kept her voice low enough to not carry. “Complete with the usual amount of dysfunction and bickering. They’re really like a bunch of brothers, uncles, and cousins who are all trying to protect the little sister.”

As she talked, I leaned against the bathroom doorway and started to brush my teeth. They had fuzzy sweaters from the energy drinks I’d downed to stay awake. “But then again, I’m married,” she continued. “If you’re single then the unmated ones will all come sniffing around. It’s not that bad!” she laughed at my expression of dawning horror. “Even if any of them would push their luck and call down the wrath of their Alpha, the closest dom would thrash them, or if they couldn’t, tag someone in who could. Mind you, I’m only talking about the Emerald City Pack. I was Changed two years ago because my mate, Matt, was already a wolf. Before that there were no other girls for I don’t know how long.”

“They weren’t kidding when they said that women are rare,” I said around the toothbrush and foam that probably made me look rabid. She laughed again, although it was hard to tell whether it was at my surprise or the toothpaste.

“We’re more functional than not here. But there are some stories out there of Alphas who went bad. I don’t know much about the Eugene pack, but I haven’t heard any horror stories either,” she shrugged. “You know, it’s funny, women are supposed to be huge gossips, but most werewolves are men and we all gossip worse than any housewife.” I laughed and promptly choked, so I shut the bathroom door and started the shower as I finished brushing.

“You’re going to need to get over that modesty.” Mickayla’s voice was easily heard through the door and over the running water.

“Oh?” I asked archly. She couldn’t see the glare through the door as I undressed.

“It’s incredibly painful to shift while wearing clothes. So pack runs, full moons…”

“I’ve just been told I have to switch careers, move to a new city, am no longer allowed to leave town without a babysitter, and when it comes to my place in a pack my only option is which one do I want to be at the bottom of the pecking order in. Oh, and all the single guys will be eyeing me like a juicy steak. Now you’re telling me I have to become an exhibitionist? No thank you, I’m going to maintain whatever little control over my life I have left.” It took all my willpower to not punch something. If I had to move and look for work there was no way I could afford to replace anything in this bathroom, too.

“If the pack’s good, you’ll be on a pedestal, more or less, not the low man on the totem pole.”

“Great, I always wanted to be Princess Peach stuck in the castle,” I muttered sarcastically. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

“Ellie, I promise that it’s not as bad as it seems,” she said before leaving.

I stood lost in thought in my office for some time after she left, bathed in the complex layers of smells that confirmed her story. Mountain air, evergreens, sweat both old and nervous, gasoline, fast food, and no small amount of stress. Amidst the melange was a thread of fear. If it was any stronger, I would have called Alan, the pack’s only submissive, to come and help calm her before everyone got riled up trying to fix whatever upset her. But under the circumstances, her fear was to be expected. And he was working tonight.

Tension had been running high in the pack ever since we went public. Another submissive to ease the strain would be a boon, and a second medic would not go amiss. Her presence would stir up a rash of dominance fights among the unmated males until she starting seeing someone. That is, if she could be housebroken. Time would show whether her defiance was born of ignorance or emotional pressure. Her knowledge of our primary laws would suggest the latter, though I preferred to avoid premature conclusions.

A younger wolf, or one who wasn’t as high in the hierarchy, might find such calculations cold, especially in regards to a submissive female whose Change had been particularly traumatic. But you don’t get to be an old Alpha without assessing the strengths and weaknesses of your pack members and determining how they can best be used for the betterment of the whole.

As much as I was loath to let her leave, even if the Marrock hadn’t mandated, protocol and courtesy demanded that the Eugene pack have right of first refusal. Appropriate that Eugene was also referred to as the Emerald City, but we had claimed the name before the Portland pack had relocated there. Ordinarily I would have my second, Tom, call to arrange things with the other pack, but the unique situation and the fact that he was on duty called for a personal touch, even if my third, Shane, wasn’t preparing for the trip. Besides, their Alpha, Colin, would be pissed if I dropped this grenade, no matter how attractive or useful she was, in his lap without warning. No, not a bomb. Panicked ferret, maybe. Still not pleasant, but not as disastrous. And they could be cute, when they weren’t baring their teeth.

Stifling a sigh, I found Colin’s cell number in my phone and called him up.

Notes: This was written two years ago and was my first fan fiction and my first attempt at writing over 10 years.

Matt and Shane live in Redmond, thus why they were able to carpool so quickly. It was sheer luck that they spotted the lime green, mud-splattered Jeep as they headed down the 405 after Tom asked them to try and track her while he covered I-5 South. Of course, Ellie didn't know that, nor does she think it's lucky at all.

Ellie was hiking along the easterly side of Glacier National Park of Canada in BC, not too far from Revelstoke, which has some great hot springs, by the way.

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grizztheexplorer · 5 years ago

Text

Ep 5 Love Victor live reaction:

- what do you mean you don’t understand a Madonna reference how old am I??

- girl they hate u bc u are cheater I think u are gonna have to at least try getting along with the in laws💀 like starting a fight over it is not it💀🌚

- I hate that Victor has to do shit he clearly doesn’t want to do to turn off the fires in his family. People (THE PARENTS) need to start actually listening to their kids and not just want they wanna hear

- she said piñata for a 16 year old😭 ma’am piñatas are until ur 14 year old bday and then never again until like 18 or up ONLY when everyone else is drunk at the party and the piñatas turn ironic. Thats the rule.

- omg Lake invited Benji!!! Let Victor have one break from his gay breakdown omg (but also yesss)

- “he’s a very macho boy” [squeals] ajdjdjdjd i loved that😭😭

-omg Pilar stfu???? Sjdjjddjdj i love the family drama but let it stay in the fam not with in laws that already hate ur mom

- ik they were gonna be homophobic but jesus christ💀 let the little kid play with the damn wand fuck

- Mia!!! Looks!!! So good with the hair half up and blue eyeliner!!!!!!!! Fuck it up girl!!!!!

- they need to stop watching soccer if the guests come

- omg Mia JUST arrived and i am now realizing grandpa could be racist too fuckkkkk

- omg they are not god bless

- aah :(((( that dad is so happy bc he had a girlfriend 😭😭

- omg the mom is gonna hate the girlfriend?? She’s been so rude what a boring cliché. Bitch you cheated and have a bad relationship bc grandma is a bitch. U planning on continuing the tradition?? Even if shit is bad bc if u?? THE LEAST U CAN DO IS BE NICE💀

- follow him around with google translate LMAOOOO

- 😭😭😭 i only like the kids in the family I don’t really like the parents or grandparents someone save Benji and his bf they aren’t there yet but I don’t want them there

- its been a sec and i hate the bf omg rip. Him and Benji have interacted so little but god the actors!!!!! They have this eye contact thats so good!!!! The actor who plays Victor totally has chemistry with Mia and has these cute ass looks but with Benji!!!!!! Is such a loaded look too!!!!!! This actor is killing it!!!!! Is like less dopey and more in trance whenever Benji is around😭 Benji too bitch got a bf but be staring at Victor.

- Victor noooo how u gonna introduce them like that. He should have let them know beforehand of his grandparents. For a friend i would be in a uncomfortable situation but only if they let me know beforehand. Being surprised at the moment and caught off guard is so much more disrespectful (at least in my opinion).

- Benji is pissed and he has every right to but also i wanna die

- I can’t with grandma saying devil music lmaooooo. Thank god my grandma didn’t give a shit about those things even tho she was religious af

- also where is victor going pls don’t make Benji feel worse

- in a way I understand if Benji’s bf is pissed at him for hiding it. On another, this is benji’s FRIEND’S house. Its his family. And he asked a very ride thing last min, but it is better to leave than to flatout make a scene when you were asked to avoid it. I respect Benji for that, bc he 100% didn’t have to but it was the nice thing to do. He would be justified to make a scene or to just leave. But i feel like that should be Benji’s call more than his bf’s and the bf shouldn’t be upset at it. The relationship that can be affected is Benji’s. Its his friend and coworker. While the bf is involved and is disrespectful to him too, the call here isn’t his. And he needs to stand by whatever Benji decides to do, whether that’s cause a scene, leave, or hide for the day.

- Felix is cute. He looks like the Benji from My Babysitter is a Vampire and WHO didn’t have a crush on THAT Benji growing up??? Get him Lake. The Stiles of this world are always worth it.

-Now i stand with the bf tho. If Derek wants to go Benji could talk to Victor and go. I do think is unfair to make Derek stay in a circumstance he wasn’t told beforehand. And Victor’s fam might not necessarily be physically violent, but Derek nor Benji know that. Derek could not only be extremely uncomfortable, possibly triggered, but also might feel in danger. Benji SHOULD understand that and tell Victor they can talk it out later and head out. He just won’t leave bc he is also lowkey crushing on Victor tho.

- shitshitshit they kissing and they saw it. Omg thank fucking god the grandpa didn’t make a scene.

- no omg don’t ask for a word for it?? Is not a big deal jesus fuck. Omg fuck this a “family party” nah just leave.

- yes omg confront them. Hell fucking yeah.

- i love the mom confronting them over her shit too but sjdjdjdj do they know there’s other people in this house💀💀 his girlfriend AND crush and crush’s bf are all there i would die

- not dad pretending like he’s standing up for his fam when he was talking about “is a family party” 3 mins ago. Nah son u blacklisted unfil further notice.

-i really thought Pilar was gonna fuck up and i was about to scream

- aaaaah that’s why shit they do is similar to me. They are colombiannnnn. Made me wonder bc the bendicion thing is something we venezuelans do but never heard cubans, mexicans, or any mainstream latinx family do before. Makes sense, venezuelans and colombians have a lot in common (more than other latinx cultures)

- where the fuck did the kids go to lmao. After all these speeches i would have lowkeu gone too💀💀

-Benji bitch im sorry too I can’t imagine being out into the position he was put on. Even if Victor stood up for him. Benji also most be so confused about Victor bc they def have had moments.

-omg the direct eye contact with the candles these kids are BOLD

- y’all Mia and Victor would have made a power couple if he hadn’t met Benji and salivated for him sjdjdjdj. Once they figure their shit out they are gonna be fucking power friends dude.

- I WAS SO HAPPY THE DAD APOLOGIZED BUT I FUCKING K N E W HE WAS GONNA MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT “at least this fam not gay” BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW MY LATINX MOM WAS BEFORE I CAME OUT WHEN MY BEST FRIEND CAME OUT. SHE WAS FINE WITH IT AND FINE WITH US HAVING SLEEPOVERS AND ALL BC I “wasn’t” ANDJDJD U CAN DO IT VICTOR THEY’LL UNDERSTAND IF THEY AIN’T VIOLENTLY HOMOPHOBIC U GOT ONE FOOT INSIDE THE DOOR MAKE THE STEP BUDDY

#love victor

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fredheads · 6 years ago

Note

do you have anything to say about the au where fred becomes a famous musician because i would like to hear it

i have many things to say!!! not a coherent timeline so much as lots of snapshots but i have many feelings!!!

1. he leaves riverdale!! i dont remember if fred said anything in the flashback about there being a good music scene in riverdale (which... yeah right fred) but there is simply no way you can become a world famous musician without leaving your extremely small town so im thinking post grad he plays in a bunch of the small bars and stuff where the fredheads played in high school and everyone thinks they have promise but he realizes he’s going to have to head to the big city if he wants to make it so he packs up all his stuff and drives off into his very uncertain future with his guitar :’) a brave boy

2. i vibe with fp still joining the army and meeting fred again later or possibly also being part of freds band still and moving with him. either or. the band keeps changing but fp always sticks around. freds the standout act though and its clear he has something special... he gets a lot of good feedback and eventually auditions for a record label and gets an agent and a deal and all the good stuff, just him, not the band, but they still get to be part of the recording process. also he possibly changes the bands name at some point?? it becomes fred andrews and the ___ (idk what yet but ill get back to you) cuz no one in the city thinks the fredheads is funny.... rude.

3. i don’t think he’d ever change his name, but maybe he goes by freddie a lot more? and he definitely inherits a dope rock n roll nickname/moniker at some point but idk what i havent thought that far ahead. his sound is like... very john cougar, definitely bruce inspired, a lil kurt cobain. does that make sense to anyone but me? doesn’t matter. he writes a lot of songs about love but also about small town life, his relationship with his parents, oh and a lot of gay subtext. but keep it subtext. for now... his songwriting is very wholesome apple pie but also anti establishment so he appeals to a wide range.

4. he definitely gets a springsteen themed tattoo. mayb 2. and pierces the heck out of his ears. stickers all over his blue guitar... FUCK THE DRAFT pins on his studded denim vest... nevertheless he starts off as a hearthrob. the general public gets one glimpse of his big chocolate eyes and then the teen magazines are all after him.... he doesn’t let fame influence him though and he’s very mature and sweet in interviews.

5. his look starts heavy bruce inspired but eventually it comes into more of his own. he wears bruce tshirts onstage all the time :”) hes def worn flannel onstage. at first hes scared to wear makeup but then he starts busting out the eyeliner and then when he gets brave with that its not unusual for him to incorporate some glitter...

6. hes very lovely with female fans and very friendly with male fans and his agent is always wanting to arrange relationships with actresses or whatnot for PR... but he doesnt actually date a whole lot. young fred definitely flirts around and has some VERY close male “friends” he goes to clubs with but he rarely has time for anything long term and its mostly just brief relationships and hookups. you can’t take the slut outta the boy tho.... he’s always lovin someone somehow.

7. at first he’s terrified of associating himself with the lgbt+ community because he just knows hes gonna get outed and he’s not ready for that yet... but he refuses to deny rumours because he doesn’t want to disparage them either. eventually he gets more comfortable in his skin and starts speaking out for gay rights and incorporates some rainbow stickers onto his guitar :’) he gets by somehow the same way he did in high school where he’s kinda flamboyant but everyone’s so charmed by him that straight people think he’s straight. whatever works.

8. his mom and dad come to almost all of his shows!!!

9. he’s a BIG philanthropist and he’s always speaking out for social causes and writing special songs for charity.

10. hes very private about his pill addiction and he’s a functioning addict for awhile when he’s popping pills to deal with stage injuries and to keep him wired for shows. eventually he goes through rehab but its kept VERY hush hush. fps there for him the whole time... and his parents. he’s also dealing with depression behind the facade but he’s overall happy during the day to day bc he’s doing what he loves.

11. he still wants kids really bad and he meets mary (she’s his lawyer?) somehow when hes in his mid-late 20s and everyones shocked when they start dating and get married. they have archie and fred takes some time off to be a dad... but he’s still writing lots of songs and he dotes on his baby like crazy. when archie’s older and he’s touring artie and bunny watch him (artie never died cuz i say so.. but fine if he is dead then just bunny)

12. he and mary get an amicable divorce when archie’s 10 or 12... and he finally realizes that fp’s been right in front of him all this time (he’s still in freds band!!) and they finally start dating and fall in love!! fp has his own demons but they help each other through and fred starts inviting him out onto the stage to sing with him and they write songs together :’) he finally comes out publicly because he and fp want to be public with their relationship :’)’ ‘ ‘ ‘

13. he absolutely meets bruce springsteen and bruce comes to one of his shows and he makes the whole audience sing happy birthday to bruce.. and at some benefit concert or something he gets to share the stage with him and hes the happiest man in the whole world the end

#fred andrews #fredsythe

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sonicenvy · 7 years ago

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i got tagged by @itsthenerdwonder for this fun lil tag meme.

im a lazy butthead so im not tagging people except @lesbidar if you want to do it (bcs i tag u in like literally every one of these posts lol)

about me:

name: margaret

gender: female

star sign: aries

height: uhhhhh over 5ft???? i think

age: 21 (as of last week)

sexuality: ya girl is bi af

house: slytherin

what image do you have as a background? boy are ur ready for this folks?

chromebook: sandakin.jpeg

acer aspire (1): space photo

acer aspire (2): my own nature photography

work computer: my dog back when she was a lil’ pupper

latitude: the stained glass window from beauty and the beast

iphone: carrie fisher/leia organa collage (lockscreen), space (background)

have you ever had a crush on a teacher? maybe idk

where do you see yourself in 10 years? jesus i have no idea. i have no conception of time so i dont like plan for the future all that well. ideally id love to be living in my own apartment, have a job that doesnt bore me to tears, live in an interesting city and own a dog or cat.

if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

uhhh idk. id like to be in europe or back home in chicago i guess idk

what was your coolest halloween costume? ok so when we were kids, my mom would make me and my siblings our own homemade halloween costumes. we’d get to go to the fabric store and pick out (1) pattern each. so anyways once when i was like fourteen or something i decided that i wanted to be like a steampunk lady, so i found a pattern for that. it ended up being like $15 for the pattern and like $95 for the fabrics. im still so glad my mom was ok with doing that for me. probably because outside of costume time we didnt spend much time with mom so she ... just went for the costumes. i wish i had a picture of it somewhere to show yall but like i dont. mom probably does.

what was your favorite 90s show? buffy or tnaos

last kiss? neverever im a lonely lil wlw who is still scared of that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

have you ever been stood up? ok so i think i already told yall abt my fifteenth birthday party -- aka that time everyone that i invited to my birthday party ditched on it the day of bcs some other girl in my year was having a cooler party. so uh yeah.

have you ever been to las vegas? nope. ive never even been to nevada.

favorite pair of shoes? ok so i love all my boots right. i super super love my brown leather neiman marcus boots that i bought at a sale i worked for $5

favorite fruit? uh apples or pineapple

the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? i actually am drawing a blank, i do so many stupid things on the daily that like isolating one is probably impossible. i did one time spell my own name wrong in an email to a professor so that happened. also i took a data science course two semesters ago that was at 8:50AM twice a week. dont do that kids.

all time favorite tv shows: wow ur making me choose. thats.... rude. ok so listen: i love miss fisher’s murder mysteries, pushing daisies and brooklyn nine-nine so much even though i dont blog about them a lot. like im just so .... satisfied with canon in all of those shows that i dont really need fandom? if u get my gist.

last movie you saw in theaters? i actually have no idea. i think the last time i was in a movie theater was in like 2016? i dont really like going to the movies bcs its loud, overstimulating yadayada.

#text #abt #personal bs #margaret babbles #ask meme

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emperorhwangs · 7 years ago

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if you have to ship the minbooties with wanna one members (aside from minhyun) who would you ship with who and why?

AHHHHH I LOVE THESE THINGS HOHOHO *INTENSE KNUCKLE CRACKING*

this came out way too long so sorry your thumb is probably gonna be jacked as fuck

@hwangminyeo : I would probably ship Abby with Bae Jinyoung if it weren’t illegal ahahhahah because I see Abby as the glue who is capable of bringing everyone together. She was the one who reached out to me to invite me into the minbooties gc and I’m honestly so thankful because I’ve gotten to know 5 absolutely beautiful and entertaining mintrash that are able to make you feel so warm inside through just a few words over LINE that it’s unbelievable, and I’m so so thankful. She’s the type of person who is gentle, friendly, and patient enough to coax literally anyone out of their shell, and she always makes people feel included. She’s always feeding us well with Minhyun content bc she knows the Minbooties get hungry at all times of the day, so she’s really caring and sweet. I think that she’s exactly the type of person who would be able to coax Baejin out of the walls he puts up and then he’d feel so free and relaxed with her. He’s so different from his seemingly cold “deepdark” exterior and we all know he’s a sweetheart that I think would just coincide with Abby’s super relaxed and giving personality and they’d be so compatible and be able to have great times together. But if we’re going to stay with legal relationships, then I’d definitely ship Abby with Daniel. Abby takes on a lot by constantly feeding us and being selfless that she doesn’t take enough time for herself, so someone as loving/caring/lighthearted as Daniel would go perfectly with her to ease some of that stress. Daniel would undoubtedly put her needs before all else and probably has endless patience and would always be laughing at everything she does but also be super attractive at the same time like wtf. Not to mention he can be so damn RUDE and I bet abby has a secret kink for that hhoohohoho. Abby has amazing visuals that really compliment Daniel’s. While most of the Minbooties have either soft visuals or colder, elegant visuals, Abby’s visuals definitely give off a more “sexy” vibe? Sorry ABBY LOLOL PLS DONT CRINGE but Daniel is the same; he can look like a peach bunny and then BOOM he’s stroking his thigh and you’re pregnant.

@hyuncakes/ @cafewoozi : I would ship Bonnie with Jihoon (you guys are probably so wtf while reading this but hear me out). When you search the word “pure” in the dictionary, Bonnie’s picture shows up. She is incredibly perceptive and picks up on the little things you say while texting her and she always replies with such sweet, wholehearted things. I literally cannot properly describe how nice Bonnie is; she’s the type of person that seems like she would give the best hugs in the entire world. She’ll reply to messages that you’ve sent a long time ago because she’s the type of person who will always make sure you are feeling loved and validated (which everyone always wants and I appreciate you so much for it). She’s really rational, mature, and down-to-earth and basically the type of person that you’d always want to be around with because just talking to her will brighten your day. If Bonnie were a feeling, she’d be the feeling of that warm pocket of sunlight that comes through the window and hits a certain part of the room and its the perfect light to nap under because its the perfect warmth and comfort omf does this even make any sense because ?? But she doesn’t seem to see what a catch she is and Park Jihoon seems like the type of person that would be sooooooo sweet and attentive and almost overly caring for his s/o, and he would give all the love and attention Bonnie deserves. Bonnie is, imo, the mom friend who stays reasonable and can be a really calming person if you start to rage too much; just her presence is very calming? If that makes any sense lololol. She’s definitely a secret nasty as well, though, and we’ve all seen that Jihoon can be RUDE AS HELL when he wants to, and I think he could adequately quench the thiRST if ;)))))))) ykwim :))))))))))) Jihoon and Bonnie would be a really dynamic couple full of cutesy dates and lots of skinship and you’d see them on the streets together with Bonnie wearing Jihoons’ sweatshirt or smth and you’d just get that feeling of “i WANT THAT”

@minhwangs ok sarah is so DAMN thiRSTY lol but me as well i am 2nd sinner and she’s lowkey crazy too so I think I would ship her with Ong. She’s got a really bright, active personality and overall is someone that I think is really fun to be around. Not to mention, I think she would look really nice with Ong as their visual are similar to me in a way. Sarah is actually my ideal visual (lol that sounds so creepy whOOP) but I really really think that girls that have a defined, angular, and sharp facial structure are soosososso beautiful like I reALLy REALLY like Sarah’s facial structure SO MUCH it’s UNHEALTHY. Her bone structure is the LITERAL VISUAL DEFINITION OF IDEAL FACIAL STRUCTURE imo and Ong also has prominent, defined facial features. Their babies would be literal visual gods straight out the womb. I think a relationship between Ong and Sarah would be lighthearted and carefree as both of them strike me as fun-loving people. They would have a lot of great, memorable times and double as best friends, not just a couple. Ong also definitely softens for girls and I don’t have any doubt that he’ll be very cutesy with his s/o, even if he’s annoying the other 70% of the time. He’d take really good care of Sarah and put her needs first whenever it truly mattered. Because both of them are such bright and energetic people, I think they’d be able to lift eachother’s spirits in dark times. Sarah tends to give a lot; I think she’s pretty selfless from what I can tell in the messaging patterns? She responds to every message and she’s also so considerate (i was spamming a gc with her about smtm and she didn’t want to trash everyone else’s feed so she suggested a pm, which I didn’t even consider). But she also forgets to take care of herself sometimes (go to sleep, sarah!) and I know Ong would make sure to care for her. As carefree and jovial as he may seem, Ong is highly intelligent. He’d be able to properly care for her in his own weird Ong way, maybe even without her realizing he’s always looking out for her. He’d probably guise it in a joke but he’d be really just making sure that she was in the absolute best condition possible. He’d probably playfully protest at everything that Sarah suggests but he’d undoubtedly go along with everything she suggests, just to make her happy.

@2hyeons I would ship Ying with Minyeoooo~~~ Firstly on a purely superficial level, both of them have similar visuals in that they are coldly attractive, like ice. It’s a weird way to describe her, but Ying’s appearance is very elegant and sophisticated; she gives off a particular aura that Minhyun’s resting visual also gives. She’s the quietest in the group chat but she always says the absolute sweetest things and you can feel her warmth, friendliness, and kindness through her messages. Her actual personality is a contrast against her ice queen visuals because she’s so warm-hearted, which I find to be extremely similar to Minhyun. When I first saw Minhyun on pd101 (the scene where he forgot the lyrics during his reevaluations) my exact thoughts were “wow, he’s gorgeous but probably a dick” (which was SO OFF). I also think that Ying has her SHIT TOGETHER, like she has her priorities in order and is very intelligent and probably works really hard, just like Minhyun. Nu’est members chose Minhyun as their smartest member. His work ethic is incredible. He isn’t naturally a dancer (if you couldn’t tel from the iconic minbooty dance), but he slaves away so he can pull off his parts flawlessly. In the older Nu’est videos, you can pick up on his quick-witted personality that I think would balance really really well with Ying. He’s softened as he’s matured and I think he would be sosososso compatible with Ying in that he would find her intelligence endlessly attractive, as well as her dedication and work ethic. Ying is also an explosion of personality when she tumbles in; she always offers us adamant support against hateful anons and also is the same level of absolute t r a s h for the minbooty like you will 100000% catch her bein thirsty as HELL. She’d be able to make Minhyun laugh a lot with her radiant personality and humor. He’s extremely caring and selfless, so he’d watch over Ying well. Ying doesn’t acknowledge that she’s an actual empress, and Minhyun would make sure to let her know every single day. I think Ying would appreaciate Minhyun’s love for skinship and his affection (look at how he treats Ren+Seonho+Baejin) and they’d have the absolute CUTEST couple moments.

@luminous-point OK so STORYTIME: when I first entered the minbooties gc and had no idea who anyone was or what they looked like, I assumed that Reni had used a female idol that I didn’t know as her profile pic. I legitimately 1000% thought that she was an idol based off of her picture and I slowly slowly came to the realization that the picture wasn’t of an idol and was actually indeed RENI herself. I was in absolute shock and for the first week or two that I was in the gc, every time I opened it and saw her little icon I would just think “she is seriously so pretty” and be genuinely in awe. Ok anyways. I would ship Reni with Ha Sungwoon~ I noticed Sungwoon right away the very first episode of PD101 when they did that little segment on the strong visuals of the season and they showed a literal .5 second clip of his face but i was absolutely HOOKED on him since then. He was my absolute favorite visual in the first episode, and then his evaluation performance absolutely blew me away. Talent and visual = Reni. Both Reni and Sungwoon have very strong visuals that I absolutely am in love with, and both are extremely hardworking and talented. Reni is seriously sosososososso important to the minbooties and I appreciate her so much, though I’ve never told her. She’s dually very mature/level-headed yet also etremely playful/fun/bright. She slaves away subbing Nu’est content to give happiness to the fandom and pours so much and time and effort into it just for other people’s enjoyment. Whenever she encounters an issue, she approaches it in a very calm, collected manner that I really respect, and I think that Sungwoon would find it incredibly attractive. Sungwoon is extremely hardworking and imo, underrated. His performance in “Downpour” was most memorable to me, and he was also the very first person to nail the entire “Never” choreography when everyone else could barely get through the first portion and they still voted him off the team smH so both of them don’t get their hardwork acknowledged nearly enough. Reni is also WILD AF (don’t deny it) and I think Sungwoon is definitely the type that’d like that have a really really good time so they’d have really amazing, unbeatably fun dates. Sungwoon is also the type to dote on and be really really loving towards his s/o, which I think would be great for Reni. Reni is super super big sister vibes~ I wanted to EAT my own arm because of college apps and she offered to help and take time out of her own day to read over my essays and gave such amazing advice, so I want someone who I know would treat their s/o like a literally precious jewel for Reni.

#jesus fcking christ #i'm sorry i took so long to answer this anon #i wrote a little more every day bc i've been really busy #but this was fun!!#answered

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jujuest · 7 years ago

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Pre-Surgery jitters

I have been waiting most of my life for something that would not only help me become healthier but also look better physically. Let's start off by saying that I have always been overweight. I know now that as a result of sexual trauma & emotional abuse as a child that I used food to cope... Only problem is it resulted in the most abusive relationship Long term relationship I have ever known. I'm a great cook and enjoy the process of cooking very much, my main issue is that I have no boundaries with food. I used it to seld medicate for every & any situation. Its been my cure-all... And it has started to destroy ME. Last year I weighed in at my heaviest weight EVER 333lbs.... I was pre diabetic, high cholesterol & having major issues with anxiety & depression. So I decided to do something about it. I went to see a bariatric surgeon, decided on a surgery that I felt best fit my needs and started down a 9 month road to Gastric Sleeve surgery. I have such mixed feelings about this... Im 39 and am a good looking woman... Im afraid to cut off my dependency on my drug of choice... Food. But I know that if I don't gey a handle on this now... I will only skyrocket to my perill in a higher weight than i am now. But Im scared... What if I fail? What if it doesn't work for me... Am I taking the easy way out?? Then there's the loose skin, possible post op complications. Will I lose weight at a normal post bariatric pace or will I lose it more slowly due to my thyroid issues? So many thoughts and concerns! What am I doing to myself... Let's back out now.. But I KNOW that I can't... Im tired of living a life where I think about my weight before I think about anything else. Going out.. What will I wear? Will I be the fattest person there? What will I eat? Can't be too fattening bc thrn people will think the worst of me... Will I fit in the booth? Let's make sure that we are at a table.. And that Im at the end so I dont feel boxed in... Also no outside tables because I dont want people staring or looking at me... I know they probably don't give a crap.. But just in case! Also the outside chairs are usually narrow and I cant deal with that.. Yes better to make sure that we get a table inside.. Near the back where I cam sit at the head etc... Who's driving??? Are we going 4 to a car?? If there's 5 of us how do I make sure that Im sitting shotgun? I dont wanna take up tok much space in the backseat...& draw even more attention to myself...hopefully I cam just drive everyone... This way its not an issue & no one will think about how fat I am. When I arrive anywhere my first thought is always do I look fat? I wonder what they are thinking... Does this outfit make me look ya know big-er? Will I sit in a chair that's wide enough? Or will I be embarrassed yet AGAIN.. The list of things Im concerned about revolving around my weight is endless... I would say 50% of the time I decide to make an excuse to get out of whatever it is. I dont want to not be invited but sonetimes the stress of being invited is worse. You might think that I THINK an awful lot about MYSELF... Truth is I didnt start out like this but as a result of people's rudeness, cruelty or unsolicited opinions... Here I am... Fat... Unhappy... Part time agoraphobic... Full time depressed and anxious... It has literally taken me 39 yrs & thousands to get here... I just want this to be real... A chance at normal... Even by such extreme measures. Im worth the chance that Im terrified to take Tomorrow is the big day...

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derivatived · 7 years ago

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stalkers that never go away

i think its safe to say that we have all had people in our lives that just DONT go away. you have told them or have done things to make them understand that they need to leave you alone. these experiences can happen with literally anyone- strangers, friends, parents, or anybody that crosses your path. most of the time these stalkers, for lack of a better word, just fade away. they get bored, find someone new, or you find a way to avoid them. i wish that was my case.

i have dealt with ending friendships or just growing apart from someone but i did not deal with ending a friendship and having that person turn into a literal stalker until 1.5-2 years ago. this stalking and harassment continues indirectly to this day. let me start from the beginning if youre still interested.

i had become friends with this girl my senior year of high school. our friendship hit off very quickly and obviously we had a great time together, through texts, snapchat, whatever. we went to different universities for two years and maintained this best friendhood throughout those years. we both were unhappy with our schools and our majors so we both decided to transfer to a new school together and become roommates as well as best friends. keep in mind, we told each other everything. we trusted each other.

when we finally moved in together to start our third year of college, i realized that things would be different. i had not realized one of the biggest reasons my friend had chose this school was more so for a guy she had been seeing casually. several months before we moved in, they became official. of course i was happy for her because she was happy. but trust me, this dude was and is a total douche. this guy had also went to our high school and was in our friend group, which is how the two met and rekindled. this guy also took women’s virginities and hung the bloody sheets on his wall and bragged about it, NOT KIDDING. if that isn’t an indicator of poor character, i don’t know what is. but that was several years ago and my friend was happy, so fuck it, whatever.

as we started living together, i realized my best friend became more interested in hanging out with her new boyfriend and his friends. i constantly felt annoyed when we all hung out because she wasnt being herself, she was being someone completely different than the friend i had for years. it was like she needed these stranger’s approval to make her boyfriend happy. if i made an inappropriate joke, which i’m known for, everyone would laugh but my “best friend” would scold me in front of everyone. over a few months, i got really bored with these people. her boyfriend and all of their friends just constantly disrespected women, including me and my friend, but she and everyone else just laughed along with it. i honestly did not appreciate the personalities of my friends boyfriend or his friends and it was lame.

aside from her new lame ass friend group, i was also dealing with my own issues. i had went through a breakup with someone i met online. when i confided in my roommate/friend, she basically shrugged me off. i mean, i was really upset about the whole thing. it took me months to get over that shit. but she shrugged me off and honestly treated me rudely because i was upset about it. it is important to remember, that even though i was annoyed with her and her choice of friends, i still confided her with this secret basically. my online relationship wasnt something i shouted from rooftops and is something i am still embarrassed of 3 years later.

but anyway, our friendship slowly faded. she was more interested in getting drunk with her boyfriend and his friends. i kind of grew out of that stage and i truly did not like the people she was hanging out with. 4 months into living with each other, winter break came and we both went home for a month. keep in mind, we had the same friend group from home. when i got home, i started making plans with everyone that was home. occasionally i invited my roommate but she said no every time except once because she was working. i stopped asking and figured since we know the same people, she can make plans when shes available. i saw her once that month. the texts and snaps we used to have also faded btw.

when we got back to school, she made it a point not to invite me anywhere with her boyfriend or their friends. when i brought it up to her she was just like yeah im not inviting you because you didnt invite me to anything over break. i was seriously like in shock. we had the same friends, she denied me so many times, and she was making this point to not invite me anywhere because of it? but i was just like alright i didnt know you felt that way. we basically dealt with the problem and moved on. but nothing changed and i would say this is where the harassment/stalking began. we eventually stopped talking sometime around march. i had also gotten a boyfriend from a different school and went to visit him a lot. but i stopped saying hi to her and i stopped initiating any contact just to see what would happen. the funny thing was that we didnt speak to each other until may because i stopped starting conversations and putting in effort. imagine not talking to your roommate for 2 months? well, the story gets worse.

but ya know, whatever. i give people chances. i knew we were both taking physics over the summer at our school so i started talking to her again. i also still wanted to be her friend, i did not decide not to be until many months later. anyway, we were both biology majors taking physics. this was a 5 week summer course that went at an advanced rate but the professor was cool and made it super easy- the homework problems were the exam. unfortunately, my friend/roommate dropped the course after the first week. she did super bad on the first exam. i tried to tutor her and i did everything i could as a friend to insist she not drop the course. i was pretty surprised by what happened next. she was just really accusatory towards me (i did very well on the exam bc i studied and love math). she claimed she couldnt take classes with me (we took one before and i did better than her) etc. but if you want the truth, she didnt study for the exam and got drunk at a bar with her boyfriend the night before, thats why she didnt do well. but i digress. she dropped the course and a week later she told me she was changing her major.

now the major change is another thing entirely. this pissed me off to no end because it was like i knew her so well. i knew she wanted a degree in biology.. she switched to pre-pa. and i tried to convince her not to but she kept insisting she could be pre-pa and still go into genetic counseling or a genetics career later (which is what she had always said she wanted to do). but basically she changed her major to pre-pa and i butted out. i am not dissing pre-pa majors. i think thats a good major.. if you want to become a pa.. but she didnt.. so it was a huge mistake.

anyway, summer ends and we actually have a new roommate moving into our apartment for the next two semesters. we had both agreed to this a year ago, ya know, when we were still friends. the guy that moved in was her boyfriends best friend. yeah. so again, this dude was a total douche as well. sexist, jokes about rape, sexual harassment, bla bla. just a complete idiot like her boyfriend. but whatever, I GIVE EVERYONE CHANCES.

he moves in and it was alright at first. but i noticed my best friend just like wanted nothing to do with me anymore, she was literally up this guys ass all fucking day now. she never had time to chill with me during the day but suddenly she has time for this dude. and this goes back to earlier when i said about her being a different person around her boyfriends friends. she just wanted to fit in so badly and have friends. me and her had also gotten into huge argument before he moved in. she had kind of ditched me on my 21st birthday and lied about it. she said she had an exam for a summer class, then ordered a pizza to our house, and left with it to go to her boyfriends place. whatever. we sorted it out kind of but i was really distant.

so at the end of september we got into another huge argument which was honestly it for me. in early september, my roommates had some people over and let someone sleep in my bed. i am still unsure of what happened or who did it, but when i came back from my boyfriends after that weekend, there was blood on my sheets and brand new white comforter. i asked them if someone was in my bed just because i was so confused and they both lied. i didnt tell them about the blood because i honestly was just afraid to know what happened in my room. i washed my sheets and shit then put two locks on both my doors. i had a backdoor that led onto the porch where mail was delivered. but ya know, if youre gonna leave blood stains on peoples shit, ya cant invite yourself into their room anymore. so the locks were on, i left the next weekend. i got a text sometime saturday from my roommate that was like “if you put locks on the doors you need to give a key to both of us” and i was like nah i dont really want people in my room. basically we went back and forth through text and her argument was that my room cant be locked bc its easy access to the porch for mail or just to hangout (no one hung out on that porch ever btw). but i was just like nah walk around. i got back sunday and locks on my doors were removed. there was damage to the windows and doors from them breaking in.

keep in mind, i had been very nice to this girl considering all of the dumb shit shes said and done to me so far (some of those things are little details i left out but she was basically an asshole to me). unfortunately, i have a temper and when i get pissed off enough, someone is being told. i was so pissed off that she broke in with our other roommate and did something she had no right or reason to do?? why do you need access to my bedroom so badly?? i didnt really care. i went into her room and was like hey, did you go into my room this weekend? and she looked fake confused and said no. and i was like alright well all of the locks are undone and i can see you were in there so why? and she was like no one was in your room but we are allowed to have access to the porch. and i was like no you were in my room, walk around if you want on the porch you never use. and she was like well i had medicine delivered on the porch- AND basically this is when i stopped listening. i remember this conversation because i actually recorded it and made fun of her later with my friends because she tripped and stuttered on her own lies. the argument ended with me lecturing and belittling her for acting like a little kid. we didnt speak after that for a week and a half and she didnt go into my room as far as i know.

so a week and a half later, the internet bill in my name was due. neither of my roommates paid me on time. they paid in venmo the day it was due or the day after. it honestly started to piss me off bc i was sick of having to ask for it, pay for it myself, and wait for their money to get into my bank account. i put a note on the fridge that was like “pls pay internet or dont use :)”. this was totally passive aggressive and bitchy but c’mon. it was 16 fucking dollars. just pay it on time. i was in lab for class when i got a bitchy text from my roommate. i honestly dont remember details but it was something “dont act like i dont pay you, no one is trying to scam you, if you dont trust us then address it bla bla” bitch.. you dont pay me on time.. and i did address the issue of you breaking into my room, and i just wrote a note for you to pay the fucking bill you owe? like just pay the money and shut the fuck up? but ya know, i had enough of that shit. i responded to her and told her to pay the bill or dont use it, dont text me again or contact me anymore, i dont want to talk to you or deal with your immature bullshit. blocked. i blocked her number and on all social media. i was done. and if you remember my temper, i wanted to go home and rip into her dumbass. but i didnt.

so that was it. that was the last time i spoke to this girl that was once my best friend. but, we had a lease that wouldnt end until may so i had to stay there. and trust me, i tried to get out of my lease. but the story doesn’t end there.so the guy we lived with, i kept on ok terms with for awhile. i said hi when i saw him and he would always ask me how i was, what i was doing, etc (this is important). and you know, i would be friendly bc i didnt really care about this dude. he was just there to pay rent. one day he announced in the kitchen he was going on a run. he left, and then i heard a buzzing. he left his phone unlocked on the table with our other roommate’s (my ex bff) chat open. i glanced and noticed my name in the text and my heart stopped. i know i shouldnt have done what im about to tell you. it was a total invasion of privacy and it really hurt me to read.

i read their entire conversation as far back as the texts would go. the whole way back to august when he first moved in. EVERY SINGLE TEXT BETWEEN THE TWO WAS ABOUT ME. i cannot emphasize this enough. every single message between these two people from september to october was bitching about me, making fun of my past, making fun of me eating fucking chick fil a once per week, calling my boyfriend a nigger, calling me names, watching what i do and texting each other about it, breaking into my room more to check if i packed my bag to stay at my boyfriends, going through my shit, so much fucking shit it was so fucking crazy. i went through the texts fast and put the phone back. i honestly dont know if it was left there on purpose or not. i never talked to the guy roommate again. when he said hi i said nothing and eventually he stopped. after i read those messages i felt so many things.

i was so fucking pissed that they were talking about me like that. my ex best friend was telling my personal stories about the online dating, she even wished i killed myself. and this dude i barely knew was just going along with it and joining in. it was seriously fucking sick. it was full on stalker. both of them watched everything i fucking did. they went through my things and checked shit not even i would think mattered. it was insane. i was pissed and i honestly felt so violated and unsafe. i felt so helpless too. i couldnt tell them to stop. they wouldnt. i couldnt call the police. it was so indirect and was just texts on someones phone. i felt so horrible i didnt sleep for 2 days.

there was no more confrontation. the indirect harassment continued into may. i moved out and thought it was over but it wasnt. we went to a relatively small school and a friend told me about this girl in her summer class and asked me if i knew her. when she told me the name of this girl my heart dropped again and instantly i said WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS. and she was just like oh shit.. i could have sworn i heard her say your name to this guy in our class and she was telling him about reporting you to the police. i seriously felt sick. i retraced in my mind quickly for anything she could be going to the police about me for? i literally hadnt talked to the girl or done a thing to her since october, thats the honest truth. and i was just like about what?? i was so eager for this girl to tell me the details it was killing me. basically she told this long story about how the girl has been coming to class every day and talking about her ex roommate. appartently this ex roommate stole her debit card and credit cards and was stealing thousands of dollars from her. on top of that, this ex roommate also sexually harassed her several times. the ex roommate was supposedly me.

i almost laughed when my friend told me this shit. i felt so much relief because these were just stories my ex friend/roommate were making up for attention. but after a few days of thinking i was like fuck thats kind of psychotic. like thats borderline crazy to be telling people openly that someone sexually harassed you and stole your money when both of those stories are made up... like dude. i did nothing to you but ask for bill money lmao.

i ran out of time but ill continue this shit later. if u read this fucking novel, congrats

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ts-crossroads · 7 years ago

Text

Episode Eight - “Get Your Head Out of the Gutter, And Maybe Get A Brain” - Bryan

holy mother of everything good in this world i cannot believe we just pulled that off and im still probably in the clear

WHAT THE FUCK!!! Ok then. So Dane is telling me that Ned was just too big of a threat. But I’m so fucking pissed still. Whatever. I’m on a 4-6 minority with me Sam and Jake. However I hope Dane is willing to flip back. But I’d still need one more...dang it. I got work to do.

My hands r so dirty rn like BITCH LOLLL. Im actually terrible. Ned could have stayed if I voted with them. Too bad he had to be fake! Sorry not Sorry! Basically that shit wouldn't have happened if Rebecka and I didn't think it needed to. And Jake and Bryan are blaming DANE AND JOHN LOL THIS IS PERFECT. I'm actually DYINGGGG LMAOOO.

fuck john fucking liar i fucking saved his ucking ass twice and this is how he repays me fuck out of here i can’t deal with these bitches everyone who voted out ned SUCKS AND I PUT SO MUCH TRUST INTO JOHN IM LITERALLY THE REASON WHY HE MADE IT TO MERGE AND HE CANT EVEN BE LOYAL FOR ONE FUCKING ROUND

6-5 i was SHAKING during the tribal. i owe rebecka and julia m'life. i talked to sam/ned/autumn/jake more than i talked to rebecka and julia so im shocked they were the ones to save me??? as a previous winner im gonna be a loyal hoe to those who kept me. and autumn at least gave me the heads up that i was probably leaving, and it sucked i couldn't let her know i had a plan to save myself. like she was telling me "talk to ned, rebecka, haley and we can do something" and i already did that minus ned. i loved ned sm. i hate that this happened. but like he and sam were willing to turn on haley and i SO fast. i don't like that... also haley told john and i that she and chris were dating and LOL that makes so much sense it did'nt shock me. i'm glad i always talked good about haley to chris and vise versa.

I am so emotional and not ready to write this confessional. First it started with me fucking up. I thought I could trust Dane but I couldn’t. I knew Autumn wasn't with us but I didn’t think we would lose 2 impala to the other side. Then I fucked up more by telling Ned that we are safe and not to play an idol. I gave him my idol half which he then gave back to me and then told me he had a whole idol. He asked me several times if he should play it and I said no every time because I trusted everyone. I truly let Ned down and I don't know how I am going to go through this game without him. He was the 1 person I trusted with my entire game and now he's gone. I sound so dramatic but whatever, I lost my final 2. I can have all the feelings I want. I just don't know what to do now regarding who to work with. I also hate myself more bc I had tribal in another game immediately afterwards, and Ned was in this game with me. Anyway, Ned got 4 votes, I got 3. He had a super idol, which he could have played on himself after votes were read, and he made an announcement that he wasn't playing it because I deserve to be there more than him. I literally cried so much. Ned went home in 2 games back to back because of me. I fucked up the first tribal and he went home with an idol in his pocket and he gave up his game for me the second tribal. I know that this is going to be a relationship that I cherish for a long time. I truly care for him so deeply and it goes deeper than any game ever could. If I get nothing else out of this game, at least I got to form this beautiful and magical friendship with Ned. I can figure out the rest of this game tomorrow.

Me after getting blindsided in two different Survivor orgs within five minutes of each other https://twitter.com/ricardojkay/status/945781023006105600 Owen lucky Ned gave me a pep talk on his way out cause this is some bullshit and I sure was about to cut my losses and walk #yalldontdeserveme

Well I went from everyone having to split the votes Ryan and I which would of led me to go home. I got everyone to switch that didn't want to put Ryan or my name down which was Julia,John,Rebecka,Ryan, and Dane. It definitely shows that they all can be trusted since Ned was the one that left last night. Bryan is still targeting me for the whole Emily vote which is bullshit that vote was forever ago and why would we tell the person that invited her to tribal it was going to be her and then have Bryan go back and tell Emily. I hope all the campaigning Bryan did to work against me just showed him who really has the numbers. I'm now going to make sure if Bryan doesn't get immunity again that he goes next.

Ok so I really don't know who to trust at this point. I miss Ned soooo much. A lot of people from the other side have come to me to clear the air, but I really don't see a way to recover from this. Yesterday was an actual mess. Julia was lowkey bullying Bryan in the merge chat. I say lowkey, because it wasn't personal, it was game related, but it was extreme overkill. Bryan had said "ok thats fine" and "I see what I did wrong, I learned from my mistakes" etc and she continued to say things like "now go shit talk me more, I know you will" and it was just really rude. And Haley cheering her on in the background definitely amplified the situation to make Bryan feel worse. I feel like the only people I can trust are Bryan, Autumn, and Jake. It's hard though, because I know Bryan is a threat who needs to go. Autumn rarely talks to me. And I recently got close to Jake, so I know he has been working with Bryan a lot longer and would choose him over me in a heart beat. Dane seems to think that him flipping to vote out Ned wasn't "picking sides" and now everyone can be on a more even playing field. At least that's what he told me. He also doesn't want to think of them as "sides," he wants to vote out Bryan next. If there are sides and I vote out Bryan, It's literally going to be down to 3 vs 6, with me in the minority. As much as I love and miss Ned, I don't want to be in that jury. I want to be at FTC with Ned rooting for me the whole time. I also don't know how to feel right now. I'm conflicted, because everyone is telling me shady/sketchy things about Ned and reassuring me that it is best he is gone because he was untrustworthy, but I really don't think I believe it. Like I know Ned is such an honest and genuine person, I really can't see him playing me like that. And of course everyone will try to justify voting him out to me, it was so obvious we were a f2, we had never separated the ENTIRE game. Literally day 1 we were on impala and stayed there. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm upset that Haley and Dane won reward, it seems like the worst people to have won. Hopefully it doesn't help them in immunity. I really want to win. I'm scared though that if I do, Bryan will leave. A lot of people are upset about how he acted last round when he was immune. I don't know how I feel, I really just need to see how the next day goes. ALSO Dane getting under 5 minutes in that maze seems toooooo good. Like I did it as fast as I could and couldn't even finish half of it in that time. It seems very impossible.

Errybody and they mama has been in my pm's explaining themselves and I'm like lmao ok but you're still cancelled. I have a heart though so I (probably) won't come for the apologizers first on the hitlist. DID SOMEBODY SAY HITLIST?!?! Yep it's about that time/ I'm back doing what I do best https://78.media.tumblr.com/b6fa3f3b282c7314c79578a6599d56b3/tumblr_n49f6q9bH11rsrbdko1_500.gif Also shoutout to everyone who believes in me. Thank you and sorry if I scared you I was like eyeball deep in my feelings after that vote (and Athena All Stars but we won't get into). I am NOT walking because there's too much justice that needs to be served

NED!!!! If Chris was my Beth, you were my Glenn cause you're so positive and hero-like aaaaannnd because I was a wreck when you died lol. Is it bad that I couldn't stop crying? http://cimg.tvgcdn.net/i/2016/12/15/b1aca255-c49f-4f8f-be1f-853d48cd3f55/maggie.gif I really hadn't seen the vote until you asked if I flipped. Then I went to watch the rest of the tribal video and started sobbing. Did I flip? Absolutely not and if I hadn't left the call, Crossroads would have my reaction to prove it. Whew if I had seen that shit live... look I'm an ugly crier and Crossroads can only exploit what I give it lmao. Anyway we spent half the game trying to make it back to each other only for you to die 5 minutes later and that suuucks rip. THANKS JULIA! YEP YOU HEARD RIGHT SIS IS NEGAN!!! Under all the humor and cute pro pics... tragic. Bryan only killing Chris and not you? Never judge a book by its cover haha. Anyway I hate this happened to you because you deserved so much better and I hope you're in a better place in jury. Imperium is in shambles- Scrappy is out here squaring up in people's pm's, Velma has gone awol, and Scooby is in the doghouse since everyone knows he has fleas. Idk what's about to happen but you're right everyone is a snake. Ok I should go I have a lot to do if I'm gonna make it to the end because #owensucks #crossroadsisugly Thank you for like playing this whack game and believing in me when I didn't believe in myself @ everyone else: https://78.media.tumblr.com/a661740fa7785ef674d1c8ef7971f4f9/tumblr_myzplpOrQ51ql5yr7o1_500.gif NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM BEING PETTY AND SENDING YOUR ASSES TO JURY SO SAVE YOUR BREATH!!! Do you need to explain yourself? Absolutely. Will it make a difference? NOPE. If you gave a fuck about me you wouldn't have lied in the first place. Also everything you say to me can and will be used against you so y'all really need to chill. I mean it- stop checking in like we're good because you will not know the answer to that until the game ends. Thinking that we're friends doesn't make it true. But you know what is true? I will send every single one of you to jury and I cannot fucking wait

I wish Jake would send things in one or two messages and not seven or eight

OKAY So hours before the last tribal I wanted to vote out Jake because he's lodged up Bryan's ass. However, the only person that Ryan could get enough people to target was Ned due to the amount of people that he pissed off. So honestly between Ned or Ryan to stay? I think it's pretty obvious for me to know what's better for my game. :) After the tribal council however Bryan immediately called me and started yelling at me and demanding he knows what my strategy is moving forward in the game, but I wasn't going to give it away, so now I'm playing the role of the dumb sheep and I'm starting to make people believe that I'm not worth it to vote out at the moment. Anyways! After that call I thought I would give Bryan the benefit of the doubt and I just assumed that the tribal council would be a wake up call for his attitude, but nothing changed! He immediately ran his rat ass to Ryan and started talking shit about me so now I'm pissed at Bryan again. Now here we are again hours before the tribal council again and it's a shit show because from my point of view I think the votes are going to fall between Bryan and Julia.... maybe. Julia and Bryan had a "fight" in the main chat but I honestly believe it to be fake and I think Julia flipped back to Bryan and my paranoid ass is starting to believe that they're going to conspire against me and vote me out. BUT! I do think that my social standings with Sam would help me get past this vote. With that being said though I may have to abuse Sam's kindness to further myself into the rest of the game. I was thinking with Ryan and if we get Haley on board we can vote 3 votes onto Autumn or Sam (wildcards atm) and in the case that Bryan plays his idol (BTW I FORGOT TO SAY I FOUND AN IDOL RIGHT BEFORE TRIBAL LAST ROUND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MAMA) we can play one of our idols and get out Sam or Autumn. However, if we do that then we isolate ourselves as a 3 which is why Bryan, Jake, and John were targeted in the first place for. This tribal council is going to be just as messy as the last one and I'm terrified and I don't want to waste my idol if people are telling the truth and isolate myself, but I don't want to go home with an idol in my pocket.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j4Xsc4Y0tbk

This round has just been a clusterfuck. After the Ned blindside I called John and found out that Julia was lying to my face and voted Ned which pissed me off so I exposed Julia shit talking John to me to John. After the call with John I told Bryan, Sam, and Autumn about Julia lying to us and I connected with Autumn finally. Bryan of course went and told everyone about Julia so Julia blew up on him in the main chat, gr8. Anyways I'm shook because I won the immunity and I really feel like I needed it this round for the potential of people voting me. Of course people were targetting Bryan and this twist could have changed things up, but John and Dane are too scared to make a move and there's no way we can vote Julia out this round which sucks. Idk what else to do, I tried. I just have to hope that things change soon or I'll be picked off.

Sam pissed me off tonight. I was considering to flip to get Julia out but then after talking to her and Bryan I realise that this bottom four is getting closer. Sam and Bryan both mentioned they trusted each other. They lie for each other. I called Sam because I wanted to talk about voting Julia out the round after Bryan leaves and then when I tell her Dane & I are not flipping she goes from this happy girl with a happy voice to this sad girl and we sit in silence. Like... she was sad I wasn't flipping... like girl... why would I flip to the four fucking people who lied to me and voted for me. I want to flip honestly but not while there's that many people!!!!!!! I like Rebecka and Julia but they don't talk to me and I know they're closer to Dane & Haley as well with each other. Dane told me he got a FULL idol... cute John told me he has half the idol which I helped him get. I have my full idol. Haley has half an idol. So at least I know where these powers are going. My dream plan was to vote Julia out next but Sam kinda pissed me off. Autumn's been very real with me and Jake's been so active and apologetic in my pms. My dream is now to vote Sam off next and have John/Dane/Me/Autumn/Jake vote Julia after that. Maybe Rebecka too after. Then vote off Jake/Autumn. I'm super super tight with Haley, Dane, Coffey. I obviously know Coffey/Dane from my past but idk, I want to play and work with Haley because she's cool and new. I think I'd give Coffey 4th place. Go f3 Haley/Dane, and if it's a F2 I'll figure it out later. But i doubt I'll ever get there!! I bet Sam will win the F9 immunity ffs i hope not.

hey!! flopbecka here (@ashley the jingle jingle reindeer is anywhere hi!! thx for hating me im so happy to use the name u gave me <3 ) so i still dont know wtf is happening in the game, im in like a 6 person chat that i thought was just to get ned out, and now i think its like actually a real alliance chat? im confused af idk. I really want to work with autumn in this game and i just hope she still wants to after i didnt fill her in on the ned vote so woo go team

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOKbOoj7yo0&t=6s

#tscrossroads #episode eight #confessionals

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