#bc its literally on four lectures

[coolcoelacanth]

the feminine anxiety to think about studying for your exam that you don't care about on monday versus the feminine urge to play stardew valley for 12 hours straight

[ragnars-tooth]

I'm remembering my first year uni seminars about advertising where I *really* realised that I was asexual, because our lecturer looked at me and went, "isn't it about sex - isn't everything, don't you look at this [attractive] man and desire him, and therefore his watch? You want to become him or his company" And people agreed with him, but I thought it was the usual just nod so we can move on thing that was always happening because we sucked.

I just sat there like.... this is bullshit, no one actually thinks this right.... and then I texted my mates gc and found out that this is honest to god real. I genuinely went and surveyed my flatmates because i couldn't believe it. What the fuck. That's why perfume ads are LIKE THAT??? THATS WHY ADS ARE JUST HOT PEOPLE AND NOT THE PRODUCT???? NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW IF IT WORKS THEY JUST WANT TO BECOME THE SEXY PEOPLE????

[mariemariemaria]

yesterday my history lecturer gave me a good grade and a really lovely comment about my assignment, and now ive just uploaded the worst essay ive ever written for her to read 😭 i feel so bad that she has to read this shit and i know im just gonna plummet in her estimation 😭

[yerimacoustic]

𝙢𝙞𝙭𝙩𝙖𝙥𝙚 ♡ joshua x reader

when your childhood friend, joshua finds an old mixtape both of you made years ago, he gets inspired to craft the perfect plan to tell you how he really feels. 📼🎧🥤⋆·˚ ༘ *

content warnings: roadtrip au, childhood friends to lovers, strong language, gossiping about losing the v card, literally everything goes wrong but it’s cute, fluff, soft angst since it talks about stress during college, joshua hong x gender neutral reader. both of you are graduating university! no smut but 18+, mdni! 4k wc

additional notes: this probably seems so rushed but idEC bc i needed some joshua fluff & i’m a proud supporter of the gentleman joshua agenda. also pls comment which songs you’d put on your mixtape with him, i left it kinda open to your imagination minus three songs <3 not proofread, sorrows, prayers

the end of joshua’s final semester in college came with its fair share of mixed emotions. among the many sentiments was crippling stress, seemingly the most commonly occurring one. it was nothing he wasn’t used to, being a full-time college student with a part time job and mostly insufferable roommates. four years prior, he began to dread the day he would have to pack up all of his belongings and move across town, where his own apartment was waiting.

and of course, he was right to rue the day.

it was a nightmare trying to schedule the move in date to line up with the time the u-haul had to be dropped off, especially since he couldn’t get access to his garage until a few hours after he had to turn in the keys. another $50 down the drain. luckily, he started packing his side of the dorm weeks in advance in order to spend a decent amount of time on his finals. even if he had a job lined up already, he wanted to leave a lasting good impression.

just as he was going through the last of his belongings, he found a small box hidden under his bed. judging by the cobwebs scattered along the small crate, he’d forgotten all about its existence until now. he checked the digital clock, the only thing left on his nightstand- he’d been cleaning for hours. he was entitled to a break.

so he opened the box, smiling to himself as he took in all of the souvenirs and knick knacks from years before. there were ticket stubs to the first ‘frozen’ movie, a few pieces of his favorite candy (which were beyond expired at that point), two of the lego avengers figurines, a few polaroids of him, seungcheol and jeonghan along with his mother, and..

“shut up.”

he had completely forgotten that he’d made this mixtape with you. ‘shua and y/n’s epic road trip.’ the year before you both started college, the two of you took a roadtrip across the town together. the night before you embarked on the spontaneous journey, the two of you spent hours meticulously crafting a playlist that would perfectly recount your trip. he always thought he’d left it in his car and you’d never mentioned it to him after the trip, so it simply left his mind.

but now that he was staring at the small disc, he wondered how it was even possible to forget something he cherished so fondly. it was the first trip the two of you went on together alone. you’d spent time together on school trips, even getaways with jeonghan and seungcheol, but you never seemed to get enough time alone together for joshua’s liking. even if it didn’t end with a kiss like he was hoping, it was still a memory that he held close to his heart.

that was when he devised a plan.

he reached across the floor for his phone, which had just barely finished charging. luckily, your contact was one of the only ones pinned on his phone, so dialing your phone number was a breeze. he held his phone to his ear, biting his nails in anticipation as he listened to the dial tone drone on.. and then he remembered you were in the middle of one of your lectures.

fuck.

‘hey this is y/n. i can’t reach my phone right now so leave a message or text me. bye.’ how was it that something as simple as a voicemail greeting from you could make his heart flutter?

“it’s joshua. call me back asap, i want to go on another road trip with you.”

—------------------------

going on a road trip near the end of the semester with deadlines and fees stacked upon both of your to-do lists probably wasn’t the brightest idea. there were probably a million better, more productive things both of you could be doing to prepare for the next chapter of your lives. even so, joshua waited in the parking lot of your apartment complex while tapping a nervous rhythm onto the steering wheel.

while he was waiting for you, he kept going over all of the contents in his dufflebag to ensure he had properly prepared for everything. unlike the last road trip you went on, this one would be an overnight holiday. toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant, phone charger.. he knew fully well he had everything he could need; he’d checked his overnight bag multiple times before he stepped out of the door. not only that, but he stuffed his hand in his jacket pocket multiple times to ensure the mixtape was still there.

“just calm down,” he sighed to himself after confirming, once again, that he had everything he needed. “it’s just y/n, just the one you’ve been crushing on since middle school. no big deal, you’ve done this before, you’ve gone on a trip with them before..”

he was quickly pulled out of his thoughts and mutterings once he saw you walking down the stairs. he noticed the way your eyes lit up once you noticed his car, causing his heart to race. he stepped out and ran to you, an infectious grin spreading across his lips as he pulled you into his arms. “thank you for coming with me. you have no idea how much i need this.”

you laughed as you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him just as tightly in return, his grip on you practically suffocating. in the best possible way, of course. “trust me, i’ve been needing a break too,” you sighed. “i can’t believe this is it. we’re graduating college.”

as for what that meant for the two of you, neither of you had a clue. you made sure to stay as close as possible during your time in university, planning as many get togethers as your schedules would allow, but halfway through your third year, your individual priorities seemed to outweigh any other extracurricular activities. while you weren’t able to see each other in person as often as you did when you were kids, joshua was just grateful that you kept in contact.

“i know. it’s a lot more stressful and anxiety inducing than i thought it would be.” he tried to hide his disappointment and dread as he broke from your embrace, keeping that warm smile as he led you to his car. after gently taking the bag that was slung over your shoulder and carefully tossing it in the backseat, he opened the passenger door for you. as always. “but enough about that,” he snickered, climbing into his seat and cautiously slamming the car door shut.

“you’re right. no work talks while we’re on vacation,” you giggled and shifted in your seat so you could face him, a mischievous glint in your eyes. “so, what’s first on the itinerary, mr. hong?”

“well, first things first-” he made a dramatic show of pulling the mixtape out of his jacket pocket, the corners of his eyelids wrinkling as his smile grew brighter. “look what i found.”

your eyes widened as you gently snatched the cassette from him, your hand brushing over the tape where the title had been scribbled in permanent marker. “oh my god, i forgot we made this! where did you find it?”

“under my bed,” joshua laughed, shrugging. “i thought it seemed appropriate, with new beginnings and all... we don’t have to listen to it if you don’t want to, though.”

“not at all! i’m up for a trip down memory lane,” you laughed.

joshua began to pull out of the small parking lot, feeling particularly eager to get on the road. especially since it was early in the morning; he knew it would be a beautiful view as the sun would peek from its hiding spot behind the trees. “i was hoping you would say that. because.. i was thinking we could just follow the same exact itinerary as last time.”

“really? down to the number?” you sent a knowing smirk in his direction, even if he was too focused on the road to pay any mind to it outside of his peripheral vision. you watched him nod his head as his smile grew and grew, his cheerful grin as contagious as ever. “well, since we’re following tradition, i’ll buy your chai latte again this year.”

“guess that means i’m covering dinner again,” joshua chuckled lightly, the sound going straight to your heart. as per usual, of course.

“what a gentleman,” you mused while cautiously inserting the cassette tape into the car’s rather finicky slot. you always knew joshua’s car was ancient and worn down, so you were impressed, to say the least, that it had lasted throughout the entirety of his college career. “i forgot which songs we put on here. this’ll be fun.”

“me too, actually. but.. i do seem to remember someone was constantly begging me to add taylor swift to the playlist.”

“it was a phase! everyone was a die hard fan at one point in their life.”

“sure, we’ll go with that excuse,” joshua teased you without a hint of mocking or scorn in his voice. it was more like amusement.

it was nothing short of serendipitous, the way the sun began to rise to a more comfortable resting position for the rest of the day and light up the path for you and joshua just as ‘here comes the sun’ began to play. the song was slightly muffled, the speakers in the car radio being on their last leg- it was a picture perfect moment, regardless.

you rolled down your window, letting your hand drift along the current of the breeze passing by as joshua began to pick up speed. you heard him humming along, his soothing voice fitting perfectly with george harrison’s. and you smiled to yourself- if joshua wasn’t dead set on his current career path, you knew he could easily make a name for himself as a singer.

for whatever reason, the way he muttered the endearing term ‘little darling’ so gently before each chorus stood out to you most. his sickly sweet voice added so much more meaning to the lyrics. in that moment, really all you could do was hope that he didn’t notice the way you were trying to stop yourself from smiling like a fool.

but he did. out of the corner of his eye, he noticed you bashfully bowing your head.

he finally arrived at the coffee shop, which was a tiny shack just off the main road. it was a convenient little spot for any travelers that needed a caffeine boost on their journey. except..

“oh no.” it was closed??

indefinitely??

“it’s okay!” you were quick to assure him and pat his shoulder. “there’s a gas station just up ahead. we can probably just get some coffee there, my treat.”

joshua nodded in an effort to keep up the faith. “you’re right! it’ll be a bit watery but that’s fine- right?”

“right!” you agreed with a chuckle. honestly, to you, missing out on a delicious chai latte wasn’t the end of the world but joshuasuspected it was only the beginning of a series of setbacks.

and he proved to be correct: the coffee machine in the gas station was broken, leaving the two of you to settle for some canned nitro cold brews. while joshua’s paranoia grew, you looked at the glass half full; so it didn’t go exactly according to plan.. but at least the two of you had caffeine.

“so, what was the second thing we did?” you asked, taking the smallest sips of your coffee at a time. just as a precaution.

“picnic over at that rest stop. hopefully it’s not blocked or something,” he joked, all the while secretly praying that the universe wouldn’t twist his words. it seemed that the gods were in a playful mood that day; too bad it was at his expense rather than in his favor.

by now, you were near the end of ‘side a’ and ‘feeling good’ was playing. you could only hear michael bublé’s voice very faintly at this point, but the catchy song still brought a smile to your face. “i always liked this version the best,” you told joshua.

he beamed. “that’s because it is the best one. i taught you well.”

you helped your friend pull the basket and blanket out of his trunk once he’d parked the car near the top of a hill that overlooked a lake and a series of trees surrounding the body of water. it was a quaint spot, one that seemed to put the rest of the city on display for the two of you. and like many spots in the town, it came with its fair share of legends and stories.

“did you hear the rumors that vernon lost his v-card here?” you snickered between bites of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich that joshua was gracious enough to make for the two of you.

he nearly choked on the remnants of his sandwich, shaking his head as his fist flew to cover his mouth. he looked mortified, eyes growing nearly twice their size. “what?? no! how come no one ever told me about that?”

“are you kidding?? i could have sworn someone told you,” you snickered and reached over to repeatedly pat his back. “anyways, no one knows if it’s true or not.”

“he’s a chamber of secrets, that one.”

“he certainly is.”

once joshua had finally composed himself, a sigh of contentment left his lips. he took a deep breath, basking in the fresh mountain air and sunlight. there were a few clouds in sight, nothing that should have caused too much panic. just something to give the two of you the right amount of shade.

comfortable silence passed between the two of you and you laid back against the blanket in mirrored positions, propped up by one elbow. you looked over to joshua after feeling fixated on the small lake, focusing intently on his features, instead. his eyelashes, the curve of his lips, the way his hair fell so neatly over his face.

he truly was so naturally beautiful.

you only felt pressured to snap out of your daze when he began to tilt his head towards you. your gaze fell to the blanket smoothly while your finger began to brush along one of the patterns on the fabric. his mom had made it for him, along with several other quilts that he held very dear to his heart. “i guess it would be a pretty nice place to seal the deal.”

joshua laughed out loud, “y/n l/n, i’ve never heard you say something so scandalous in my whole life.”

you tilted your head back as his words brought upon a laugh of your own, “well, this year is all about new beginnings, isn’t it? we’re changing, we’re growing..”

“i guess so,” he mused once your voice trailed off. when you looked up, he was the one fixating on your features. it brought a heated sensation among your cheeks and a dumb smile to your lips. you noticed him swallow, attempting to be subtle while shifting to rest on his elbow more comfortably. “y/n, can you promise me something?”

“of course, joshua, anything.”

“can you promise that we’ll always try to stay in touch? no matter what?” there was a pang of sadness in both joshua’s tone and in his eyes. suddenly you felt guilty for taking your lifelong friendship for granted; the last thing you wanted was for someone so dear to you to feel undervalued.

“shua- of course i will.” feeling particularly bold, you reached out to grab his hand. “i’m sorry if i’ve been.. distant lately. i feel like we’ve both had a lot going on. and it’s not going to get any better once we’ve got our nine-to-fives, but.. you mean a lot to me. i want you to stay in my life.”

just then, the man in front of you appeared as if a large weight had been removed from his shoulders. you couldn’t believe that you witness his eyes actually light up in real time, his entire figure perfectly displaying how much lighter he felt. “i want you to stay,” he repeated after you.

the two of you weren’t directly confessing your true feelings towards each other just yet, but somehow.. those five words were enough. ‘i want you to stay.’

you stayed silent, as if to let them echo between the two of you. the fact that you weren’t sure how you were supposed to follow such a simple yet beautiful statement was also a contributing factor. after a moment, you parted your lips while still waiting for the right words to show themselves to you but instead, there was a loud crash of thunder.

the two of you were so mesmerized by the pair of eyes in front of you that neither of you noticed the air around you growing gray. joshua looked up towards the dark clouds with a sigh of disdain, “of course.”

you chuckled, helping him gather the napkins, paper silverware and dishes and the blanket. by some miracle, you were able to gather all of your belongings and hop in the car before the rain started falling down at an alarming rate and substance. “wasn’t michael just singing about how the sun was in the sky?”

“i guess its opposite day.” at that moment, joshua began to wonder if someone out there genuinely had it out for him. as he turned the key in the ignition, all he could hear over the raindrops clattering against his windshield was a loud sputtering noise. maybe.. maybe he was just imagining it? he tried twisting the key again, but it proved to be fruitless.

you chuckled awkwardly, “oh.. uh…”

“oh.. that’s fine!” joshua giggled sheepishly, keeping a calm presence that wasn’t alarming or unnerving in any way. there was no point taking his stress out on you when you were not the one at fault. no one was at fault, really, except maybe the man who truly believed a car that was around when dinosaurs roamed the earth could withstand another long roadtrip. after a few more tries, he gave up and pulled the key out of the ignition. “do you.. happen to have a signal?”

“out of battery?”

“yep,” he rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward grin, unable to make eye contact with you. “usually i have a portable charger but..”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off gently. “i don’t think i’ll be able to call anyone until the rain stops, but i’ve got a full battery.”

“cool. cool, cool.” joshua chuckled, trying not to upset you by showcasing his disappointment. he tried to look on the brightside and tell himself that the two of you were on an adventure, that this would be a great story to tell your friends and family when you got back, but any positive thought was quickly replaced by looming, dark ones instead. like how he wished that in possibly one of the most stressful times in his life, he wished that just one thing would go right. that he wished this getaway was as picture perfect as the last one.

“shua, you okay?”

he was alarmed by how well you seemed to have gotten at reading his countenance; especially since he thought he made great efforts to hide what he was truly feeling. he smiled immediately, nodding in reassurance. one thing he was not going to do was ruin the mood. “yeah, yeah i’m okay. you doing okay?”

you nodded, “yeah, i’m doing great.” you paused, hoping that you weren’t pressuring him to answer. one thing you were not going to do was pressure him into broaching a topic he wanted to avoid. so your tone grew hushed as you spoke again, “but i feel like there’s a lot more that you’re not telling me.”

joshua nodded faintly in understanding. he should have known that you would have been able to read him without any troubles, considering how long you had both known each other. “i just.. wanted this to be perfect. i know you’ve been stressed lately and well, i’ve been stressed lately so i thought this would be a nice, low stakes kind of trip. but.. I guess not.” he ended his thought with a light hearted chuckle and shrug of his shoulders.

you stayed quiet for a moment, focusing on the sleeve of his jacket while pondering his words. he had put so much effort in both of these road trips and you knew his heart was in the right place. frankly, you couldn’t care less if you didn’t get your chai lattes or if your picnic lasted about ten minutes or you might not make it to the hotel.

what mattered was that joshua was there with you through it all. and through it all, he kept an adorable smile and a cheerful attitude. when your gaze shifted to the windshield, raindrops hitting the glass in record time by now, you were reminded of another song that you added to the now unattainable mixtape.

and suddenly, you got an idea.

opening up spotify, you searched through taylor swift’s discography until you found the song that you thought was perfectly fitting for the moment: fearless. you knew it was a long shot but you pressed play and turned the volume all the way up before placing your phone in your jacket pocket, where it would be shielded from the rain. then, you stepped out into the downpour.

joshua furrowed his eyebrows out of worry but perked up once he saw you motion to follow in your footsteps. just as he slammed the door shut, he could have sworn he heard the lyrics very faintly, even if they were muffled by the rainfall. ‘and you know i want to ask you to dance right there��’

you took both of joshua’s hands in yours and twirled in three or four circles, giggling the entire time. both of you tilted your heads back, feeling the cold rain against your face. it was beautiful, soothing.. unconventional, maybe, but it was perfect. once the two of you stood upright, you took it a step further.

it was just like clockwork, the way his arms fell gracefully around your waist after yours were linked around his neck. you’d hugged him several times before, you knew of his warmth- but things felt different today. the two of you swayed to the upbeat melody with stupid, giddy smiles. neither of you said a word as the rain started falling faster and harder, the lyrics inaudible at this point.

but that didn’t stop either of you.

suddenly, joshua removed one of your hands from his neck and laced his fingers with yours. he skipped around the car with you while keeping a firm grip on your waist, guiding your movements. the two of you laughed and laughed until your ribs felt tough, until it was hard to breathe. your shoulders were hunched as you held on tighter to his shoulders, bringing yourself closer to him once he finally came to a stop.

neither of you had felt so free in a long time. for that one moment you two abandoned your inhibitions and responsibilities of the real world, everything felt perfect. even something as inconvenient as the rain was beautiful.

you remembered more of the lyrics. up until that moment, you’d never thought about how perfectly they encapsulated your feelings towards joshua. growing up with him and watching him run his free hand through his hair with a firm but gentle grip on the steering wheel, the calming and reassuring presence that he provided in your life, performing any mundane task or saying such beautiful things with such a casual tone.

absentmindedly making me want you.

he really didn’t have to do too much to be the perfect man, did he?

ignoring the nagging thought in the back of your mind about how cliché your actions were, you captured his lips in a gentle, chaste kiss as the rain fell harder around you. you hoped that it would properly communicate to him your true intentions and feelings while words were momentarily lost to you.

joshua, meanwhile, felt as if he was on cloud nine. maybe this trip didn’t go according to plan, maybe there were bumps along the road- but this trip had one thing the one from years before didn’t.

[awanderingcatharsis]

BEN CLARK HEADCANONS. Finally!!

I've been sitting on these for awhile theyre finally here!!

//mentions of strangulation, fighting, etc.

-ben is the type of person to have a million different playlists. he's so me fr

-he has one playlist that's a couple of others combined. its like 6 hours long

-he listens to EVERYTHING. all the genres. (even a few country songs cause im sick of seeing "i listen to everything except country!" THAT ISNT EVERYTHING???)

-whenever i see chatfics he always types grammatically correct and that is WRONG. he's the fastest typer ever trust

-after they decided he was the medic of the group, i like to think he did like tons of reading and research on how to treat injuries . like there was no way he went from helping aiden with a scraped knee to a branch through tyler's stomach

-he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE. he's literally gretchen wieners. most people forget he's there so he hears the juiciest tea ever

-at the end of every week the group has a "gossip session" and its literally just them all calling (or hanging out) and ben telling them the stuff he's heard through the week

-ash and taylor too cause they seem like the kind of people to find the craziest tea

-ben and ash quiet kid solidarity

-i like to think ben gave a lot of clothes to lily :)

-i also think he'd be SUPER worried about her in school, esp when she gets to the older grades

-him and aiden once made mug cakes at four in the morning during one of the group's sleepovers cause they couldn't sleep (i did that once)

-aiden and ben are literally brothers atp and they know like everything about each other

-when they woke up after aiden hurt his ankle ben lectured him with a very angry and very loud text to speech voice

-I also like to think aiden has heard ben's voice at least once

-he's somehow the heaviest and lightest sleeper ever. he could sleep through an earthquake but also at the same time if you breathe wrong he'll wake up. he's me

-he used to sleep talk, kinda scared he still does

-he's a cat person and that's the end of it. me again

-he'd be very naturally warm but his hands are always freezing. idk it feels right

-ALEX G ENTHUSIEST

-he has once punched a phantom in the face. it didn't go very well

-i think he'd protect his neck a lot when fighting phantoms

-he has ptsd probably (they all do lets be real)

-I like to think he has dysphagia (difficulty swallowing) so he doesn't like to eat in public that much

-i think it took him a bit to warm up to the group about that :)

-he has lots of scars, like from fighting, nail scars on his neck, etc

-i like to think the reason why he wears grey all the time is bcs he doesn't want to stand out. he's working on that

-he still actively goes to therapy

[angy-mouse]

Puck Bunny Part 3

5.7k, no smut but definite M-rated banter and important plot (unless you're just here for the foursomes in which case you can skip this chapter ig but its pretty integral for the finale)

&lt;previous next>

do you wanna go on a date?

Read 5 Minutes Ago

You stared at the message, sent directly instead of through the group chat. As if that wasn't weird enough, you'd just gone on a date (with heavy air quotes) with the three of them and you had yet to get your panties back, thank you very much. You started drifting down memory lane and forced yourself to snap out of it. This was not lecture appropriate thinking.

You get another text.

with me, idk if that was obvious lol. sap + sam are stuck running drills all afternoon bc they suck

Okay, so not a group thing. That was good, at least. You might be able to walk after all. Except…

Honestly, you don't feel like sex. Not even mind-blowing, four-orgasms-in-a-row, written-by-a-woman sex. You were tired, and still sore, and really craving something fruity but also sweet? Maybe a chocolate orange. Point being you did not feel sexy and imagining a naked man only stirred thoughts of needing to buy lotion.

i was thinking shopping and dinner - my treat ofc - but whatever you want is cool too x

Fuck, you do need a sweater. Damn changing seasons making your sundress collection obsolete. 

You flipped your phone over and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and rolling your shoulders back. Fuck the rest of the lecture hall, you were aceing this class anyway and you needed to check in.

Do you want to see Punz today?

You didn't even have to think about it. Of course you did, you wanted to see all three of them and maybe shove your face in their perfectly perky pecs, but so far seeing them entailed sex, which you were not up for. You didn't think for a second that Punz wouldn't accept a no, but you were 50/50 on whether you would cave at the first touch just to experience that intimacy.

Call yourself a slut, but it was kinda hard to deny a man who acted like you were a literal goddess. 

Next question: do you want to go on a date today?

As long as it was a date-date and not their last idea of a date, that would actually be nice. You were past the awkward small talk stage with Punz, so no fumbling or awkward silences should happen. Plus you already knew he would compliment you to the high heavens, which certainly couldn't hurt your mood.

So what were you waiting for?

You thought, but you couldn't find an answer. A handsome, fit guy who treated you amazing and was great in bed wanted to take you shopping and treat you to dinner. You'd have to be a fucking idiot not to.

You flipped your phone back over and found another text.

no pressure ofc, but id be a fucking idiot not to try spending time with you without the peanut gallery

You snorted, thumbs gliding over the screen to save him from his nerves. Even if he was cute when he rambled.

tbh shopping and dinner sounds exactly what I need rn

A beat where you thought too much and got lost for just a moment. You bit the bullet, putting a heart on the end and hitting send. Then, as an afterthought:

should I change?

what are you wearing?

For a moment you considered telling him you forgot about a lecture you can't miss, and you actually can't go and you're so sorry but maybe next time-

omg wait not like THAT

i just mean last two times i saw you you were wearing a cute asf dress and then that nice shirt with big sleeves and the black skirt so as far as im concerned anything you wear is perfect

He's talking about your lantern sleeve blouse. Something about the way he fumbles, not knowing anything about what things are called and only knowing that he liked them enough to remember makes you just melt.

oh lol well thank you. Did you wanna meet somewhere or…

The response is instant.

ill come pick you up! whens your last class get out?

You tell him and get a thumbs up and heart emoji pairing, then a gif of snoopy doing his happy dance that makes you laugh under your breath.

"Stop sexting in class,"

You flinch and clutch your phone to your chest before recognition kicks in and you glare at Niki. "I'm not sexting," you hiss. "Punz is picking me up for a date." She rolls her eyes. "An actual date." You didn't know why you needed her to be happy for you so badly. Maybe with both your long term best friend and slightly less long term boyfriend both kicked out of your life, you were just craving companionship. It would certainly explain your current disaster of a dating life. 

"Okay," she says but it doesn't sound like she means it. "Just so you know, I only have one romcom binge weekend in me a year, so if this harem breaks your heart, too, you're on your own." 

"I appreciated that, you know." She blinks like she wasn't expecting anything less than snark, but you meant it. You came into your dorm with eyes so full of tears you didn't even realize she was there until she was coaxing you into your PJs and shoving a carton of Ben & Jerry's into your lap. Suddenly your mysterious roommate you only saw once in a blue moon when your schedules rarely overlapped was the shoulder you were crying on, voice ringing through your ears promising you were still the baddest bitch and he was the loser here.

"It's no big deal," she finally decided. "You need to learn people don't deserve praise for not treating you like crap." 

You didn't have a comeback for that, so you finished class in silence.

"Do I get to meet this one, too?"

You can't fight your smile. "You want to?"

"Gotta make sure you're not dropping your standards. Again." 

"I changed my mind: fuck off." She curled her hands into a heart with a grin before you turned away, hearing her chase after you. 'Chase' very loosely translated to 'took four quick steps to easily catch up because she's a lot fitter than you.' Damn skinny people.

"If he just pulls up and honks, you are not getting in the car. Date ends there."

"Any particular reason?"

"A man who can't wait to get out of the car to greet you can't wait long enough for you to come."

You grinned over your shoulder as you walked into the afternoon sun. "Oh, believe me: not a concern."

"Ew,"

"You started it."

"And I'm finishing it." 

Tires screeching on pavement caught your attention, just in time to watch two students nearly get run over by a cherry red Challenger. You bit your cheek. "You don't think…" 

The car came to a stop right in front of the stairs (only because it was physically incapable of climbing them, you were sure) showing off the VAL-U sticker on the back window.

"I do think," Niki said solemnly. A single honk came from the car. "Oh, fuck no-"

"Niki, please," you begged as you watched Punz climb out of the driver's seat in a crisp collared shirt, buttoned only enough to be appropriate in public. You practically melted as he gave you that sparkling grin, running a hand through his blond locks as he climbed the stairs two at a time to join you. 

"I had one rule for you-"

"Sorry," Punz breathed out, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek, close enough you could feel the faint heat rushing through his face. "I slammed my elbow on the horn trying to unplug my phone."

You'd be embarrassed by the loud snort that left you if you weren't so grateful it drowned out Niki's, "you're lucky, valley."

"You look beautiful." It was hard to believe when you'd just sounded like a literal pig. At least, it would be if he wasn't looking at you like you hung the stars, hands sliding back on either side of your waist until he was holding you gently against him. His lips ghosted over yours. "I missed you, bunny."

You missed him, too. “You saw me two days ago,” you say instead, but you let your hands link against the nape of his neck as he gives you a soft kiss. Something more than a peck, but nothing you were embarrassed to do in front of Niki. Something just right.

“And it was painful,” he announced, squeezing you tighter against him like he knew it would make you giggle into his neck. “Forty-eight hours with Big and Rich for company.”

“Are you ever going to run out of demeaning nicknames for them?”

“Haven’t yet. Hi-” It takes you a second to realize he’s talking to Niki over your head. “Friend?”

That one was directed at you, so you hum an affirmative and gently peel yourself away to run through introductions. Punz only lets you get out of one arm, the other moving to hang over your shoulders with a squeeze that clearly said ‘that one stays.’ “This is my roommate, Niki. Niki-”

“Punz,” she mused, offering her hand. “I know all about you.”

“Is this a shovel talk?”

“No. I don’t talk before shoveling.”

“Niki,” you beg, but Punz gives her a firm shake.

“Big fan of that,” he declared with a grin. “I’ve got a buddy with a truck, we should get you two in contact.”

She nodded solemnly. “Alright,” she directed at you, “you can go on the date.”

“Niki!”

She took your keys off your bag. “I’ll take your car back to the dorm. Don’t get pregnant.”

“NIKI!”

“Bye, Niki,” Punz cheered with a cackle, arm around your shoulders keeping you from chasing after her to commit some mild manslaughter. “Nice to meet you!”

“Don’t say, ‘nice to meet you,’ when she’s humiliating me.” You got a kiss pressed to the side of your head instead of an apology as he started down the steps, dragging you along with. The gentle pressure of his arm on your neck solidified your feeling like a yappy chihuahua being tugged along by the leash. It all felt a stark difference to the usual sultry air that followed you around these three. This actually felt like a… date. Not a sex on the nearest surface date, but a proper meet the parents soon date. 

You tried not to think about how scary that was.

Instead, you thanked Punz as he held open your door, your hand in his as he helped you climb in. You held in a giggle as he shut the door behind you and raced around the hood like he was worried you’d leave without him. “What are we shopping for,” he asked as he threw himself into his seat, but you were distracted.

“Why do you have a suicide knob?”

He grinned, wide and toothy, tongue poking out as he used the knob to wiggle the steering wheel. “Because it’s fun.”

You buckled your seatbelt. 

“Oh, come on,” he huffed, pulling out of the parking lot. “I’ve never gotten into so much as a fender bender with this car.”

“This car?”

“Don’t say it like that! I haven’t gotten into an accident since I was a teenager, is that better?” 

“Yeah, and what are you now, twenty?”

“Twenty-five,”

“Oh my god, you’re old.”

You regretted it as soon as you said it. You were so not at the stage where you could make fun of each other and especially not something as potentially sensitive as his age and why he's still at University-

"Well, you're a brat, so I thought we made a good pair." There's a beat where your mind races, but Punz reaches over to take your hand off your lap and cuts it short. "That was a joke. I know you're not a brat." 

"Only a little bit," you admit, and squeeze him back, a little promise that you didn't take it harshly. "If you were serious about taking me shopping, I could use some warm clothes for fall.”

The car pulled to a smooth stop at the light, and he fixed you with a look like you’ve accused him of secretly kicking puppies. “Dead serious. I love shopping.”

“You’re clearly very passionate about this.” 

He took his stare off you to pull through the light, bringing your joined hands up to his lips. “Well, I have an addictive personality, a great credit score, and excellent fashion sense.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Hey, what’s with the doubt?!”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you promise, using your joined hands to gesture to his open shirt, “today’s pirate-with-no-inhibitions look is super sexy, and I’m a big fan of the pleather pants, but every other time I’ve seen you, you wore a hoodie and basketball shorts.”

“That’s not fair: you always see me after practice! I can't squeeze into these pants while I’m still sweaty.”

“Well, I’m very appreciative of your sacrifice.” You wait until he’s looking at you to pointedly eye up his thick thighs, practically seran-wrapped in black fabric. “Very appreciative.”

“Bunny’s secretly a pervert,” he accused, “God, I’m not a slab of meat.”

“Really?”

He finally broke, laughing so hard he hit the rumble strips and had to swerve back into the lane. “You’re such a little shit! You’re lucky it makes you lovable instead of annoying.”

“You three practically snap me in half every time I see you: I’m allowed some eye candy!”

“I’ll be your eye candy,” he promised, and flicked open another button on his shirt. “Boom.”

“Whoa, now,”

“Too hot?”

“I nearly creamed.”

“I hate you,” he wheezed, shoving the gearshift into park. “Get the fuck out of my car.”

“Rudeness!”

His hand snatched yours when you reached for the door. “Wait, I wasn’t serious!”

“I’m getting out!”

“No, wait for me!”

“I’m getting out, and I’m telling Sam you let me open my own door!”

“No, he’ll kill me!”

“Good!” Despite the snap, you can’t pry the smile off your face and you find yourself staying perfectly still in your seat as Punz races around the hood again. “Oh, Merci,” you chirped, taking his offered hand as you stepped out.

“De nada, my little bunny." 

His arm laid across your shoulders again like you were boyfriend-girlfriend on an average date. He even reached out to open the door for you as you walked into the mall. But you weren't boyfriend-girlfriend, you were a puck bunny brat. "Every time I think you're kinda sweet, you call me that." 

"It's a talent of mine: making an ass of myself. Where do you wanna look first?" 

“I usually go to Salvation Army.”

Punz started walking towards the Aeropostale, dragging you along with. “I’m offended you think I’d offer to take you shopping and take you to Salvation Army.” 

You started struggling, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to try and curb him. Your heels tried to find purchase on the tile, but he slid you across the floor like dragging a sled. “I’m a college student! And so are you, for that! I’m not letting you spend your food cash for the week on clothes for me- Jesus Christ, how are you this strong?!”

He stopped, but it had nothing to do with your attempts. He spun you in his arms as if you were nothing more than a doll to him, something he could carry with him and arrange however he wanted. The thought made you feel equal parts small and bratty, but his hands on your hips made you bite your tongue as he held you close. His eyes were stern, a slight tremble in his features betraying his nerves.

“Alright, I’m gonna tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

Oh, you were totally going to freak out.

“I didn’t want to say this so soon because it totally changes how people think of me, but you’re clearly going to fight me on this, so here it is.” He took a deep breath, eyes screwed shut in a wince. “I’m a trust fund kid. My parents are loaded.”

It didn’t click at first. Not until you blinked. “... oh my god?”

He nodded solemnly. “I know.”

It was a shock, the same way any new information about someone you knew was a shock: mild brain buffer as your mental file was updated. Other than that, though… You couldn’t seem to care. Other than, of course, another chance to mouth off. “Oh my god,” you performed, shaking his shoulders. “Eat the rich, Punz!”

“I’m not into butt stuff,”

“I hate you,” you lied, trying to push away. “I hate you and your gated mansion community-”

“I live in the frat house, it’s practically a homeless shelter.”

“You and your diamond studded underwear-”

“Where are you getting your information on rich people: Richie Rich?”

“You’re an old rich guy, too!” You gasped, clapping your hands on either of his cheeks. He gave a minor wince from the impact, but it was swept away just as quickly by rapt attention as you pressed your forehead to his. “Am I a sugar baby?” 

“Well, you haven’t actually let me buy you anything yet-”

“Wrong answer.”

He shook his head between your hands, essentially making you slap him repeatedly. “No, bunny, you’re not a sugar baby, not in the slightest. Now, can I buy you more clothes than you can ever wear?”

Your gaze narrowed, but it probably wasn’t as intimidating as you hoped when you had to cross your eyes to look at him. “You swear your wallet won’t feel it?”

“May lightning strike me down.”

It took a moment, but with not even a rumble of thunder, you supposed you had to believe him. “Alright,” you conceded, “but we’re going somewhere that actually carries my size.”

<3E>

“I’ve never been in a Torrid,” Punz admits to you as you walk in.

“Really? You don’t lurk in the lingerie section hunting for big women?”

“There’s a lingerie section?” He’s too excited at the prospect to entertain your sass, but evidently not too excited to take the pants you were looking at right out of your hands. “You’ll have to try everything on for me. Even though I’m adamantly opposed to anything that covers your legs.” 

You tried to take them back and he casually moved out of reach, adding a blazer to his haul. “Just because I’m built like an elephant seal doesn’t mean I’m actually insulated-”

“Hey-” You jump at the sudden appearance of a sales associate, a beautiful woman with an undercut and dangly earrings, and flush at the reminder that you were in public. She points an empty hanger at you sternly. “We don’t do self deprecation in here.” The hanger tip shifted over to Punz. “Are you not telling her how beautiful she is enough?”

You can feel your face turning purple as Punz claims, "I can't: I need to eat and sleep sometimes," and starts plucking one of everything off the racks without bothering to check sizes. 

"Wha- Punz! Stop that! I don't need-"

"What you need is to let me love you!"

Undercut woman has a giant grin as she turns to walk away. "I'll get a dressing room open for you. Name for the door?"

"I don't need-"

If Punz wasn't trying to smother you in twisted affection, you might've started to get pissed off at the way he interrupted you again. "Bunny!"

"You're gonna get a foot up your ass in a minute here!" 

"She don't bite," he insists, wrapping a thick arm around your neck to yank you against him. He starts pressing fat kisses to your hair, the kind where he just puckers his lips ridiculously and smacks them against you. The first few are gross. The next annoying. Then he starts cooing about she's just a sweet little thing and your attitude crumbles like a wall, entire body melting against him like a stray that's finally caving into affection. 

You can feel his lips curl into a wide grin against your head, but you can't make yourself rebuild that wall when he's nosing your hair away from your ear so he can whisper, "are we done being a brat, baby?" 

“...yeah,”

His finger crooked under your chin, gently lifting your lips to his for a soft kiss. “Yeah? My sweet girl’s gonna let me dress her up?” 

My girl.

You stole another kiss, dropping one on Punz’s jaw as you pulled away for good measure. “At least grab the right size, you big lug.” 

You may as well have promised him a puppy. His grin stretched wide across his face, bottom lip pulled between his teeth before he ducked his head, hiding from you. He nuzzled into your neck, puckering his lips so they just barely grazed your jugular, feeling your pulse race. “Yay,” he murmured, arm around your shoulders sliding down your back until he could grip your soft waist. “Because as hot as you look in this dress, I don’t approve of how the leggings hide away our tummy.”

“You mean my tummy?”

“I’m filing for joint custody. You don’t appreciate her enough.”

“I appreciate her just fine. It- fuck me, now I’m doing it! Give me something to put on!” 

He cackled, tugging your collar aside to check the tag and leaving you to rifle through the racks. “I’m gonna build you some outfits,” he promised, flicking through some camisoles to add to his armful. “And I wanna see every single one.” 

“I thought you wanted to make it to dinner at some point.” 

He found one in your size and handed you the completed stack. “Then you’d better run that cute ass into a stall for me. Ooh, swimsuit sale!” 

You huffed and rolled your eyes all the way to the back of the store and all the way into the dressing room until the door was shut behind you. You only allowed yourself the time it took to strip and redress to think about how warm you felt inside. How nice it felt to have someone who wanted to drape you in silks and pouted when you made him settle for overpriced plus-size fashion. Someone who was ready to watch you try on one of everything, knowing full well how long it’d take.

You settled the blazer over your shoulders and turned to the mirror, lips pressing together.

By no means were you ashamed of your body… but you leaned more towards ‘screw the world I don’t owe it to you to fit your beauty standards’ and less towards ‘I’m fat and fuckable.’ 

The flared pants sat just too low to tuck away your muffin top. No matter how you tugged on the camisole, it couldn’t cover that inch of skin- unless you wanted to walk around with your bra out.

“Shoppin’ for my baby!” Your gaze snapped to the door, hearing the rhythmic shuffle of feet. “Shoppin’ for my bunny!” You slapped a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing- if he heard you, he might stop singing. “Shop ‘til you drop! Bop-bop-bop! Gonna get a crop- top! Yeah, I could’a been a rapper. Fuckin’ missed my calling.”

“You so did,” you called out, threading the buttons on your blazer as you bumped the door open. “What would your rapper name be?”

“Lil’ Pucky,” he called back without hesitation as he turned. Blood rushed through your ears as his jaw dropped open, eyes cruising up and down your form so intensely you worried you’d forgotten to put clothes on at all. “Hello, bunny.”

“Hi,” you giggled. You gave a twirl and laughed when a swoon of “oh, ass,” passed his lips. “You like?”

“I love.” He groped for your waist, pulling you into his chest until you could feel his heartbeat through your right tit. “I changed my mind: you can wear pants, but only these.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yup.”

“These are better than the leggings?”

“Leggings are too tight. Anything that delays me from getting in your guts for more than six seconds is going in the bonfire.” 

Your hand came down on his shoulder and he pretended it hurt, stumbling into one of the plush chairs. “That’s why you wanted to take me shopping! You figure if you buy me enough, you can get rid of everything you don’t like!”

He couldn’t even pretend to feel guilty, a grin wider than a fucking canyon stretching across his face. “It’s gonna be short dresses and tight pants if I have my way.”

“And what makes you think you’ll get your way?”

He held out his hand, a silky two-piece bathing suit with a halter strap top and a skirt layered with frills dangling from his fingers. “Because I found this in your size-” his other hand revealed a mesh shopping bag half full, “and enough panties for Sam to steal as many as he wants.” 

You accepted the swimsuit to try on, but gave an apologetic smile. “I’m very picky about my underwear: I don’t want you to be upset if I don’t wear what you pick out for me, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m working off a reference.”

There’s two beats where you process his words before you’re beating him with the swimsuit. “You’re the one who ended up with my panties?!” 

Punz didn’t even move to block your hits, hand coming up to lay over his heart. “I pledge my allegiance every morning, first thing.” 

“Where did you hang them?!”

<3E>

“I can carry something, you know.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Punz piled the bags all onto one arm as if he took your offer as a personal offense to his strength and very manhood, looping the other around your waist. “Taking a fine lady out and making her carry her own bags- who do you think I am?”

You’re getting used to his dramatics: you barely acknowledge him as a stall catches your eye. “Ooh, boba!”

His arm doesn’t budge around you, but it doesn’t keep you in place like you’ve experienced before. Your path shifts towards the drink shop and his elbow pulls straight for barely a second before he shifts right with you, letting you lead him wherever you desired. “That milky stuff with the gross balls?”

“Yes, but no.” There’s laminated menus on the tables so you pick one up and scan the flavors. “You’re thinking milk tea with tapioca pearls. I get fruity tea with popping pearls.”

“You’re really cute, but I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I’m gonna blow your mind right now.” You slipped your card out of your purse as you walked up to the counter to make sure Punz knew you were buying this time. “Hi, can I get a large strawberry fruit tea with green apple pearls?” 

He barely gets out the total and asks for a name for the order before Punz slaps his card on the machine from the side. "'Punz': exactly how it sounds, but with a 'Z'."

"I was gonna pay for it, asshole!" The only response you get from him is his signature on the pad- which is nothing more than a colon and a 'P'. You stuck your tongue out right back, skipping out of reach to snatch up a straw from the pick-up counter. "You're gonna let your guard down sooner or later." 

"You make it sound like you're gonna kill me." You drag the straw across your throat. "Wow," he snorted, pecking the tip of your nose, "total savage." 

“I know. I’m totawy scawy.”

“Fwightening.” 

“You’re a dork,” you informed him with a huff of laughter, stabbing your drink as soon as it arrived. “Poison check,” you claimed, taking the first sip. You skewered a pearl for him before handing it over. “Alright, taste that thang.” 

You waited eagerly as the straw passed his soft lips, on the edge of your nonexistent seat as he took his first sip.

He shrugged. “Yeah, it’s alright.”

You rescued your drink before smacking his arm. “No taste!” 

“It’s about as good as fruit can get, but it still tastes like fruit. Give me a burger any day.” 

“I’ve never met such a dumb man,” you huffed, sipping for yourself.… Okay, so it had too much ice, but it was still delicious!

“Liar,” Punz accused as you started your walk again. “You’ve met Sapnap.”

You bumped into him with purpose. “Yeah, but it’s cute on him.”

“Ouch, you’re really wounding my pride there, bunny,” he drawled, making sure his sarcasm seeped through every word. “As if I could be jealous of Sappy.” 

You could feel your lips curling into an evil grin around your fat straw before the thought of what to say even formed. “I don’t know: he’s cute, and strong, and a gentleman, and he’s great with his tongue-”

“Alright, you’re pushing it!” A cry left your lips as he snatched your cheek, pinching only hard enough to pull it around a bit. “Talking about another freaking guy this much, even if he is my teammate-” 

“Leggo uh meee!”

He gave another yank before releasing you with a huff. “Such a little brat…”

His tone changed. It was slight, but there was a definite change- enough to make you stop and backtrack. Did you push too far? Was he actually insecure and being compared to Sapnap was a jab in the gut? Or maybe he was just getting sick of your attitude when he was treating you like a princess. 

“I’m sorry.” Punz let out a small noise from the back of his throat that you took as prompting to continue. “I don’t know why I even said that, but I’ll try not to be such a- such a brat.”

“It’s okay,”

“It’s not-”

“Why are you upset?” He turned to look at you properly, pulling you to a stop once he saw your expression. 

You huffed, frustrated that you had to say it out loud, but more frustrated at yourself. “Because you’re wonderful to me-” His hand came up to your cheek, warm and soft, and suddenly your eyes were clouding up. “And you don’t deserve all the snapping I do-” There’s a lump growing in your throat. “And I don’t even know why I say that kind of shit because I’m having a great time with you-”

“Oh, honey bunny.” You caught a glimpse of his handsome face twisted into concern before he was pulling you into a nook for some semblance of privacy, setting your bags on the floor before hauling you tight against his chest. “Oh, you’ve really worked yourself up over this, huh?” You know it’s not really a question, but you find you’re nodding into his shoulder anyway. You don’t even feel like you’re crying: there are tears streaming out of your eyes, but that’s it. Almost like someone’s left the faucet on and forgot about it. 

Punz’s lips press firmly against your head, hands rubbing circles against the tense muscles in your back, like he was trying to find the button that would make it all better. “Can I tell you something, bunny?” His lips briefly twitch into a tiny smile when you nod mindlessly against his shirt. “I know you’re having a good time. And I am, too. And I know you just like chatting shit. Makes you feel strong, huh? Like you’re big and in charge?” You didn’t even realize it before he put it into words, but he was exactly right, earning another nod. “And you wanna know something else?

“I like chatting shit, too.” You pull back as you realize the tears have stopped, and he only lets you go a few inches before he’s holding you still with warm hands on your waist. “The boys told me all about your drive before our movie night. You know how Sammy threw his little tantrum over your seatbelt?” His choice of words pulls a throaty laugh from you that makes him grin. “We all want different things when we’re with you, bunny. Sam wants to make sure you’re taken care of, so when you brat, he’s gonna nod and take it until you run out of steam and ask him nicely, then he’ll give you anything you want.

“But I kinda like to fight, bunny. Nothing mean, but when you poke me, I wanna poke back. I think it’s fun just like you do, and I think we could have a good time pushing each other to the limit to see who gives.” His lips twitched. “Now, Sappy: I think that boy just wants to die under a big woman, so you gotta watch out for him, make sure he’s still breathing when you sit on him-” 

You try to smother your laughter because this is serious, but then you’re imagining a headline that says, ‘Local Man Attempts Suicide By Pussy,’ and you break into manic giggles that send you right back into Punz’s chest as he laughs with you. His hand rubbed up and down your back, slow and soft, melting your form against his. 

You turned your head once the giggles calmed down, taking a deep breath of his cologne while you listened to his heart. “I still feel bad,” you admitted. “Like I pushed too far.”

“I promise you didn’t, baby.” The speed of his answer makes you melt just a bit more. “I get being worried about it, though, because I do, too…” He hummed as he thought. “Sappy said you guys decided on a safe word?”

You nodded against him. “Pineapple,”

“Pineapple. Okay, so how about we both promise that if the other crosses a line, we say ‘pineapple.’ Then we know it’s an actual ‘no’ and not just more playing. How’s that sound?” You give another nod that he returns with a squeeze. “You want me to take you home, baby?” You’re shaking your head without a second thought, pressing yourself deeper against him. You get another squeeze in response, a silent, ‘I won’t leave you.’ “You wanna get some dinner?”

You forced yourself to pull away, his fingertips trailing over your body as long as they can until they hook onto yours. You beamed at him. “That sounds really nice, old man.”

Punz laughed. “Let’s go, then, brat.”

[blood-injections]

i really want to know what Dr benzedrine's reaction is to seeing funsandkid love fighting (assuming that they do that because I haven't read all of ur funsandkid posts yet)

Yeah funsandkid totally fights but its more for fun and just adrenaline versus the usual funkobra fighting for pent up whatever for sanity etc. The three of them are their own little fight club idk if I'll ever get to writing anything about it but they'd try keeping it secret from Benz because. Doctor and sorta leader of the suitehearts they all think he'd be pissed bc they're unnecessarily hurting eacother or whatever even though they never go too far its just scrapes and bruises at the end of the day and an occasional black eye or split lip or something. Very rarely do they get seriously hurt aside from ghoul accidentally breaking kobras nose once. I also think benz wouldn't like kobra that much like hed be thick as theives with jet star i bet bc they have a medic/tired mom kind of bond. Anyway i think kobra gets sandman into racing and benz doesnt like kobra for that bc it means. I mean hes like its a hobby cool sandman needs more hobbies. He just doesn't like it bc its kobra and bc sandmans away from base more often its just best freind jealousy yknow hed used to fighting alongside sandman and them being super close but now kobra and ghoul are getting all the attention. But eventually like kobra and ghoul are around all the time and eventually hes just indifferent hes used to their bullshit he dosnt hate kobra hes just annoyed by him at worst. When he learns they like to fight eachother he isnt pissed like they think like he gives them a lecture but ultimately his reaction is just like. A heavy sigh and a "fine" yknow. Like i said hes used to their shit and hes not happy that theyre beating eachother up but he can see they clearly have like a system about it and make sure bot to go too far and take care of eachothers wounds if theres any so hes like as long as you dont waste our medical supplies i dont give a shit just dont concuss eachother.

BUT. If its the Dr Frankenstein Dr Benzedrine and frankenghoul thing im building, he would have a muchh different reaction because if ghouls his creation hed have a love hate relationship with it like any like parent and their kid hed hate that ghoul maybe didn't turn out exactly how he wanted like not being like him or hed hate that ghoul hates him because ghoul Would hate him, he'd have a sense of loyalty to benz and feel like he owes him it but also hed hate benz for like. Dude you literally made me alive but you wont let me like go be a person or do half these things fuck you. Because yeah benz is super protective of him. In this case ghoul would have a ton of pent up anger and sandman would be sympathetic with his needs to like fucking live and would sneak him out to have fun behind benz back and then theyd meet kobra and in this case if benz found them sneaking off to party or whatever, let alone fighting eachother for fun, hed freak the fuck out cause hes so protective of ghoul and hed yell abt them putting it in danger and risking ghouls health and shit becaue like. He made ghoul and hes scared ghoul could be unmade basically. Hes scared bc hes a crazy mad scienist and grafted different peoples body parts together or whatever and hes scared of ghoul literally falling apart at the seams but like ghouls tougher than benz thinks he is and maybe he'll see that eventually, but at the moment hed be pissed at them all and hed like try to keep ghoul and sandman separated and hed ban them from seeing kobra, which yknow it just makes them all hate him more rip and totally leads to ghoul fucking running away and joining the fab four and sandman probably fucking off to stick with his boyfriends and it totally makes the crews have a rivalry and shit until they all talk it out and forgive eachother, to their extents

[silverasks]

earthspark season 2 episode 2 thoughts spoilers ahead

Nightshade can just turn their head all the way around AND I LOVE IT YES MORE BIRD DETAILS I LOVE BIRDS OF PREY SO MUCH

thrash references a horror movie trope, who let him watch horror movies bc I KNOW it wasn’t Alex or Dot

moe first accused the emberstone of being something out of a horror movie and yet good things happened because of it, maybe now she associates horror movie tropes with good things or the emberstone

this doesn’t feel very connected to season 1, it feels like a separate series using the same characters, idk maybe it’s just the time skip messing me up, wish we could’ve seen more Terran-Malto bonding time in the earlier days

are they going to find the weapon starscream referenced in Last episode, feels a lot early for that

animation feels cheaper, but it has been a hot second sense I’ve watched season 1

no one’s really taking the literal children’s near death experiences very seriously, last season dot was so anxious about it but last episode Robbie got pretty close to falling to his death and she doesn’t bat an eye, makes me wonder how she’ll react to how close moe has come to falling to her death or being impaled multiple times

THAT LOOKS LIKE A QUINTISON! RUN! PLEASE! NONONONONO

THE E G G

ORB

oh who is that, think I saw them in the trailer somewhere

Part of the quintis-Wha now, can’t understand it so matter how many times I replay it

just leaves them there

popsicles In the shape of a boot…. Certainly interesting

ok parents actually care again ig

OH! They followed them home, how……..creepy? Idk

offers food doesn’t take it proceeds to trap them in the barn, you know the place where the Terrans hang out, you don’t think someone who hangs out there all the time might see, like idk NIGHTSHADE

OH MY GODS I CALLED IT ITS A QUINTISON I FUCKING CALLED IT

a QUINTISON EXACUTIONER I-I-I knew it would be bad

also I liked the theory that quintisons would show up in season 2 but now that it’s actually happening I don’t like it very much

oh look it’s your sibling species go make friends

ITS CORN a big lump with knobs it has the juice it has the juice can’t imagine a more beautiful thing

where’s mr fluffy ears? Did shockwave steal em

thought for sure this guy was going to be a manipulative mentor figure but nope there just a serial killer

thrash has heelys, why not

THEY RUN ON ALL FOURS OH MY GODS IM STARTING TO LOVE THEM A LITTLE

oh so when ROBBIE throws his life on the line it’s mostly fine but when moe does it suddenly that requires a lecture ok I see how it is

she just gets YOINKED

where are the outher Terrans only saw twitch for a bit

wsit just remembered there on patrol

gegory, what the f*** are you doing. HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE!

au idea: when moe has her cybersuit on she’s recognized as a quintison youngling and gets adopted by the executioner

meme idea from au: exacutioner, pointing to moe: what is with this sassy lost child

ok but quintis literally did abandon you, would have sent a dream or something if he didn’t

please tell me dude can’t regen like a planarian flatworms

[rewritingcanon]

lysander and lily luna headcanons even though they’re such a rarepair:

did not like each other at first, would always argue every time luna and ginny would force them to play together (broke their hearts a bit, as having kids the same age inspired dreams of them becoming best friends)

it was never ‘screaming in face’ arguing though, it was more lily crying because lysander didn’t agree with her or something and lysander giving her the silent treatment

this was usually because they were very different people: lysander was a shy, quiet studious ravenclaw, always cautiously pondering over every thought or action or word before he enacted them, always the cautionary, well-dressed with mud on his cuffs. lily was loud, vocal, infectious in her moods like the sun affecting the weather of the world. no wonder lysander felt so small around her (he was never small to her)

they both hung out a lot because of lorcan though, who would (along with ginny and luna, who would not accept them not being friends) force them to hang out

they drifted apart a little when they got to hogwarts as all three of them got separated into three different houses

when lysander came out as trans lily sent him this huge list with a bunch of boy names she thought suited him and it filled sander with a sick sense of glee and guilt to letter her back saying he already chose a name (lily approved of ‘lysander,’ because it rhymes with his last name, and sander pretended to be upset that she mentioned it but he was secretly pleased she picked up on that).

lysander also moved away to live with his dad in romania for a while, completing his last schooling years there

they only really started to reconnect when lily went to visit her uncle charlie there for an internship. lysander helped her catch up on all sorts of magical creatures that she needed to know for her internship, and when her genuine curiosity pushed him to teach her more and more (despite how he’s more interested in the habitats of these creatures rather than the creatures themselves), he began to like her more and show more of a secret nerdy side

they become parents to approximately: four bowtruckles, one jarvey, a fire crab, two knarls, a hippocampus and a dozen pygmy puffs

when lily left her internship early, coming to the conclusion that she didnt want to pursue being a mazoologist as a career, she and lysander fought again, but this was the explosive type, not the type they had when they were kids

people such as their mothers, brothers and friends like to call this “the divorce”, because lily has gone on tangents with her mates about how cruel and cold sander is towards her that will eventually end in tears with how much she misses him and sander will literally not talk about her at all despite the months and months of only talking about lily, and when she’s so much as mentioned, he will physically leave the room

it takes a lot of letter-writing (funnily enough initiated by the emotional wall that is lysander who writes to her about menial stuff, such as updates on the creatures as he knows she had always cared for them) and demanding (lily, who immediately lectures sander on only writing about the creatures and nothing about himself because, as said, he’s an emotional wall) for them to build a relationship again

lysander comes back to england to visit his mother and him and lily hang out and its SO obvious there is tension there but lysander is stupid when hes in love and lily has her father’s obliviousness so it still takes so much stage work from lorcan to have these two actually get together (he will be later compensated with a shoutout at their wedding)

then they get together and people are surprised that the dynamic has only reverted to how they were in romania. aka lily non stop talking about lysander (not in a gushy way, she just mentions him bc random things remind her of him) and he is just BRANDED by her (hes wearing all the girly shit she buys him because they match her aesthetic in her closet and he just wants to make her happy)

her love language is recieving gifts so sander learns to be crafty. hes not good with words so the least he can do is be creative with what he gives her

lily texts like “IN ALL CAPS LIEK THIS??!?! 🫶💗😋‼️🗣️🗣️ “ and sander texts “like this.” hes dry asf

their minds are both messy asf but for some reason theyre always more concerned about the organisation of the other then themselves so they balance each other out

its the type of love where shes drinking iced chocolate he made for her and hes drinking iced tea with too much sugar in it, and they’re on the porch shirtless because its sweltering hot summer, and she’s hashing up years old gossip hes heard thrice now because she already tells him everything ever

when lily’s bored she draws on him in pen

lily gets super excited when sander gets tanned because he freckles under the sun and shes also extremely freckley so theyre like freckle buds

lily loses her glasses all the time, and when shes walking around blind asf looking for them she be squinting at whats two feet in front of her and sander finds it adorable, her whole face scrunches up

lysander is so dark academia and sherlock holmes and lilys so hello kitty, maneater mini skirts and pink supremacy

hate watch things together and call it a ‘date’

poppy wright and alex nilsen vibes sorta

ofc she makes them matching jewellery. ofc she proposes to him with said jewellery

[bramblewatchescharmed]

Getting real tired of Charmed (2018) fans dismissing / downplaying Charmed (1998) fans saying the reboot was bad bc of its lead actresses being WOC and / or the reboot being in-your-face "woke".

Nah, that is not why most fans of the original series dislike the reboot.

Back when the show was still in pre-production, the reboot cast were personally insulting the original series' actresses and fanbase.

For all the reboot's cast and crew bragged about their show being Latina representation, that wasn't actually the case.

The reboot is blatantly an in-name-only cash grab that wanted to ride on the coattails of the original series' name and fanbase without actually putting in any work.

For months the reboot's showrunners went back and forth on if they were going to homage the original series at all. In the actual series, Melinda Warren is only brought up in the Veras' BOS as an Easter Egg for audiences; as far as the rest of the show is concerned, the Warren line of witches and the Halliwell Charmed Ones don't exist... until season four at the very last second does the multiverse reveal. (Friendly reminder that this was after the reboot had outright dismissed or downplayed the original series for years.)

In 2020, Sarah Jeffrey made personal ad-hominem attacks on Rose McGowan and Holly Marie Combs for an Instagram fan Q&A vid they'd made where they discussed Charmed (1998) being taken off Netflix while the 2018 reboot was still up. Nobody involved in the reboot was named or tagged, and Sarah was shown the vid by a reboot fan. She immediately pulled the race card in order to deflect from genuine criticism of her show (and also ironically proved Holly's point about ageism in the TV/film industry).

The reboot cast repeatedly ignored Holly giving them advice on how to stick together and negotiate for their rights, with Holly explicitly stating that division between them was something The CW was counting on.

This show tackles social justice issues with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer and in a way that grinds the plot to a complete halt while the viewer (and other characters) are lectured at. The dialogue also comes across as very "SJW" Tumblr circa 2015; nobody talks the way these characters do in real life. (It's also clear that the writers have not actually been on a college campus in years, because gods was all of the dialogue with Maggie's sorority cringeworthy.)

This is the reboot that branded itself as "tearing down the patriarchy" and "feminist"... while having the male English Whitelighter kidnap the three Latina witches in the pilot to lecture at them about their powers and destiny, without whom they would have died when facing their first upper-level demon at the end of the pilot, and without whom they literally cannot do shit unless he's there holding their hands. And for a show whose tagline was "tearing down the patriarchy", the vast majority of antagonists during the reboot were other women.

Seriously, somebody explain to me how that crap is "more feminist" than the original series having the Halliwells discover their destiny & powers on their own, vanquish their first warlock on their own, and primarily rely on their family's Book of Shadows (their Whitelighter didn't show up until the third episode and he was undercover as a handyman for half of the season). Season 1 of Charmed (1998) had the Halliwells figuring shit out on their own or relying on their ancestors (powerful women) to help vanquish the demon of the week.

Constance M. Burge (creator of the original 1998 series) is only given a writing credit in the pilot ep of the reboot because of legal reasons. The second draft of the pilot's script, dated 27. February 2018 does not list Constance M. Burge at all. Literally everything about the reboot's development credits Jennie Snyder Urman (along with Jessica O'Toole and Amy Rardin). Burge did not have any involvement with the reboot whatsoever.

The reboot aired its pilot 14. October 2018, one week and twenty years after the airdate of the 1998 series' pilot "Something Wicca This Way Comes" on 7. October 1998. That had to be intentional, considering this was during the original series' 20th anniversary and instead of a proper celebration the fandom got... this.

After the reboot aired its finale in 2022, reboot fandom got pissy with a writer for the original 1998 series expressing his opinion via Twitter on the finale as a finale and stating facts about how from Day One the reboot never respected the original series & its cast/fandom. He also clarified that he was talking about fictional characters and not real people when the official reboot account called him and everyone else who worked on the original series an asshole, and he took them to task for it. (Hilariously, I would never have known about his comments if not for the reboot fandom pitching a hissy fit over them.)

After the reboot was cancelled, Sarah Jeffery suddenly changed her tune and said they were totally willing to work with the actresses from the original series. 1) That is not the impression she gave while the reboot was airing. 2) She really said this when she knew damn well there was public record of her and her fellow cast mates attacking the original cast. Bye, girl, we know you never invited them and they weren’t going to play.

Getting out of the behind-the-scenes drama and addressing the reboot on its own, it's simply a badly written, badly acted, and poorly lit show. It looks and feels cheap. The reboot feels like it's an OC-centric AU fanfiction written by someone only passingly familiar with the original series and who spent five minutes browsing the social justice side of Tumblr circa 2016. Its special effects are worse than those of the original show, which premiered in 1998. (Also, that's not orbing. That's Apparation from the Harry Potter movies.)

Madeline Mantock as Macy Vaughn and Rupert Evans as Harry Greenwood carried the whole show on their backs, and it shows. Those two are easily the best actors out of the main cast. Watching Sarah Jeffery as Maggie, it feels like she's still acting on the level of being in a Disney Channel Original Movie (she was in the Descendants movies at the same time) or a DTV movie (Daphne & Velma). Melonie Diaz as Melanie Vera is the weakest actress (and until the introduction of Poppy Drayton as Abigael Jameson-Caine in season 2, was given the worst lines).

For all this show bragged about it being Latina representation, the Veras are written as such basic white girls that they could easily have been played by white actresses (Maggie and Macy could have been biracial) and nothing would have really changed.

Hell, originally, they were written as white girls with the names of Macy, Mel, and Madison Pruitt -- an English last name -- and ethnicity was not specified for the casting call.

It wasn't until Melonie Diaz was cast as Mel that the reboot changed the sisters' last names to Vera and began leaning into the idea of a Latina cast.

Even after Diaz was cast, the girls were all going to be half-sisters with different fathers: one white, one Latino, one Black.  "The varied ethnicity of the sisterly trio — white, Latina and African-American — also gives the reboot more currency, Urman said. The women have the same mother but different fathers." (This was the case until a good while into production, when they had already shot several episodes for season one.)

The only hint of their Puerto Rican heritage in season 1 was Mel having a Puerto Rican flag in her bedroom + Maggie making coquito during Christmas. And either Maggie or Mel (I forget which, probably Maggie) correcting Lucy on "You know we're Puerto Rican, not Mexican, right?" when Lucy wants Maggie for a sorority Tex-Mex themed event. I wouldn't know it without that explicit line from Maggie two episodes from the season finale, because these girls being of Puerto Rican descent never comes up as a major part of their identities.

Macy gets a subplot featuring Haitian Yoruba, but Yoruba is a West African religion with heavy diaspora.

Brujería doesn't show up until the third season of a four season show, and then their transfem Puerto Rican second cousin is completely forgotten about the second she exits the plot to go back home.

The writers for this show admitted on Twitter (X, I guess) that they flat-out didn't care about maintaining continuity. Each season had the show undergo a retool, so as a result it never found its own footing. That's on top of three showrunner changes over the course of its four seasons (seasons 2 - 3 had the same showrunner team), who all tried to outdo each other when it came to retconning what had been established in previous seasons.

(You're also fully aware of how The WB/CW treated the original series, right? And that its poor marketing for the 2018 reboot is nothing new for this franchise, right? Y'all are aware that The CW did very little to actually promote the reboot and let its Internet fandom do most of the work for the network by generating publicity via attacking the original series, right?)

Sorry, reboot stans, but there is a lot to find terrible about this show, and it has nothing to do with the main trio not being white and the series (clumsily) tackling social justice issues.

Allison Pregler managed to cover the entirety of the original Charmed series (all 8 seasons, however campy it got during the Paige years, plus the comics), several So Bad It's Good B-movies, and Baywatch. She gave up on her podcast reviewing the Charmed reboot before the show finished its third season, because the writing for this show was that terrible.

That should tell you something, if nothing else does.

People who hate the reboot solely because the leads aren't white and Mel is a lesbian into social justice are:

already racist assholes

fucking idiots looking for something to rage about

End of discussion.

And no, I do not accept criticism.

[celestie0]

can i just first say this is sincerely one of the best things thats ever happened to me in my time on this app 🤣 tysm for this, i was hoping an actual engineer and/or physicist would find this post and im so enthralled rn

I am coming in here as a Professional Engineer who works with fluid flow all day and won't be distracted by imagining Gojo's girthy, throbbing member pulsing inside me as I feel his warm... What was I saying?

i literally screamed at this lmfao thx for matching the humor in ur peer review i cld cry

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE UNTIL RN THAT L ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE LENGTH OF VAGINAL CANAL ITS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE FROM HIS URETHRA omg i gasped. i feel like how i used to feel leaving lecture halls in college thinking i slayed tf outta my physics exams n then the score comes back 44%🧍🏻‍♀️🤣 also tyvm for drawing over my diagram i am so greatly honored by this

omggg p1 is also supposed to be pressure at urethra n not vaginal entrance bc thats where the fluid is cumming from🧍🏻‍♀️………..this is why i stuck to bio LMAO im so humbled rn 🤣🤣 also godbless articles w the value in the title 🙇🏻‍♀️

engineer reblog op, are u insinuating that gojo uses his infinity to block cervix bruising action LMFAOOO 🤣🤣 i seriously can’t w this rn (also thats a pretty dope form of birth control)

i’m a little lost on the explanation regarding his intrusion of the vagina canal 🤔 i had to draw it to understand i think this is what you mean:

i just tried to look up what a laplace transform is n saw the integral n felt like crying🧍🏻‍♀️but i was curious ab it n why you said it’s applicable here and hmm are u referring to how gojo’s infinity does not act as an actual physical barrier as gege has stated in jjk, therefore there is no true “length” we can approximate here if he uses his infinity? i notice in this article that explains how there is this Se^-a0t aspect:

(i havent taken calculus in over four yrs if im so wrong ab this pls excuse me lmaooo) but is this part of the equation related to t (as some variable in a function based on the context?) as it approaches infinity (aka in this case his thrusts as he approaches his infinity barrier within this vagina canal)? idk what the actual correct variable is to assign for t haha or if that’s even something to assign here

but in the case mentioned in that article with t approaching infinity, plugging that in would look like this i believe:

and then graphed:

again i’ve absolutely no fucking clue if any of this is right 🤣 BUT IF THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT FOR USE OF THAT LAPLACE TRANSFORM THING THEN…….😨 i am so mind boggled by this. beyond simple use of infinity to restrict impregnation/cervical injury within the vaginal canal, i am so intrigued by the math behind his infinity technique in general!!! i also wonder, he mentions that people get slower as they get closer to him, might that imply the y-axis is some unit of distance? since as x approaches infinity and y approaches this bound value dashed line (lol i think there’s a name for it i cant remember rn tho) the values of y become increasingly smaller which would match what gojo stated 🤔 again i’m so fearful i’m talkin out my ass rn i feel so vulnerable 🤣 i was a bio/biochem major so i didn’t take much maths/physics but i’m very intrigued by this rn. also dont know if this is what u were referring to in the first place either lmao

Tragically, this leaves a whole 1.25" of your sex un-railed, but you'll live in the modern sense and die in the Victorian Poetry sense.

I CANT BELIEVE I GET TO READ THIS REBLOG FOR FREE LMFAO

also you’re tellin me the ideal lovemaking bpm matches the ideal bpm for cpr? 😭 so i can save someone’s life to “stayin alive” by the bee gees but i can also rock someone’s world to it too?

haha 5% as in for significance? (im so haunted by p values thats all that came to mind) BUT OK IM ALL ONBOARD W NEGLECTING STUFF

ouuu thank u for bringing up the linear speed to cross sectional area stuff i was rly confused ab that haha but also i think the reason i turned it into volume was i just made the wild assumption that it takes him one minute to cum 🤣 so mls per min -> how much he cums but thats a stretch n also doesn’t make much sense biologically either for a lot of reasons lol

YAAAAY OUR WOMBS ARE COMPLIANT WITH OHIO STATE ENGINEERING STANDARDS 👏🏼 GIVE IT UP FOR MOTHER NATURE

ok this is way too fucking long, i just wanted to dump my thoughts, pls do not feel as though u need to respond to this, dear engineer reblog op. you’ve made my entire week regardless.

also, to answer quinny’s question here

@quinnyundertow

i think possibly “putputput” is most correct.

ALR PEACE OUT ✌🏼

- ellie professionalgojobrainrotloser42069

what is the flow rate of gojo’s sperm? 🤔

😈 😈 😈 ALRIGHT LET’S FIND OUT

shoutout to m00tie @quinnyundertow since u said there's nothing that turns you on more than hearing how mobile a man's flagella are. this one's for you bb.

alright, first off, because his cum is confirmed to be both incompressible fluid as well as move with laminar flow, these attributes satisfy the conditions of pouiseulle’s law:

i had to do a little bit of research to determine if it was laminar or turbulent flow, and apparently sperm travels with both stokes & laminar flow, which is pretty interesting, and also moves in a sinusoidal propagating wave, likely due to the movements/shape of the flagella

note: microscopic sperm travel & ejaculate fluid travel are two very different things, but i can’t solve for anything microscopic here so we’re just gonna go for the ejaculate fluid only

anyways, to use pouiseulle’s law, let’s first determine our variables, and make sure we get the units right as well! always draw a diagram w all the variables:

now, let’s identify the variables:

1. radius (r) of tube -> this refers to the pipe/tube, therefore in this case, the vaginal canal. now since gojo has decided to creampie, we can assume that the radius of the vaginal canal will be equivalent to the radius of his girth as he is stretching you out. gege told me the diameter of his big fat schlong is approximately 3 inch girth, therefore the radius = 3/2 = 1.5 inches

2. ΔP refers to change in pressure gradient, in this case i’ve decided to have P1 as pressure at vaginal canal opening, and P2 as pressure at the end where the cervix is. therefore, ΔP = (P1 - P2) for the equation. i know you’ve got that gorilla grip coochie, esp when the world’s strongest sorcerer is fuckin you SENSELESS, but all things considered this is a very difficult parameter to measure, therefore i found this article to help out with this:

we’re going to assume “contraction pressure” (at the vaginal canal opening) is P1, due to gojo’s intrusion. and we’re going to assume “pressure at rest” is P2 at the end near the cervix (he’s pulled out a lil bit ok this makes things easier for me)

kPa are the units that we want for ΔP in this case, therefore it’s a simple calculation:

ΔP = P1 - P2 = 41.8 kPa - 26.8 kPa = 15 kPa

3. the last variable we need to account for here is L, which is the length of the PIPE HE’S LAYIN INSIDE OF YOU (jk it’s just length of ur coochie). now, i imagine this man is a generous lover, and he’s alr made you cum a few before he stuck it inside, so with arousal, the vaginal canal length has likely increased to about 5 inches (moreso 4.75in based on avg values in research but he stretched you in even more during the sexing!!) therefore L = 5 in

4. the other two values are just constants:

π = pi 3.1415 (imma just use pi function in calc)

η = this is viscosity of a fluid. based on this research article, the viscosity of human semen is approximately 9.35 cps. we want these units in kPa•s (remember that your units need to match the units of the other variables), so we need to use density of sperm (1.043 g/ml) to convert the factor (i just used chatgpt lol) but the conversion factor is pretty similar therefore we will just plug in something close to 9.35 kPa•s (true value is a little smaller)

ALRIGHT WONDERFUL! WE HAVE DETERMINED ALL OF OUR VARIABLES :) NOW WE JUST NEED TO PLUG IT INTO OUR EQUATION/DIAGRAM:

*note: mind the units! (shown in blue) there are lots of variations on how flow rate can be shown w the units, so u wanna be careful that they match

YAAAAY!! so the flow rate (Q) of gojo’s cum is approximately 0.63787 in^3/sec ☺️💕

use a quick converter online, and we can make it into liters per minute -> 0.02214 l/min. convert this to milliliters -> 22.14 mls

which means that, in one of gojo’s average cumshots, he cums 22.14 mls of ejaculate !!! :0 sheesh that’s a lot!!

but how does this value compare to other men? research varies, but on average, men ejaculate between 1-10mls per orgasm, therefore the world’s strongest sorcerer cums more than TWICE the worldwide average!!

and one final calculation shows us that when he finishes, it’s at about 0.369 mls per second :) that's fuckin fast!!!

thank you for cumming to my ted talk!! byee

alr ellie out ✌🏼😖 (i have sm brainrot)

[mihotose]

as i thought the lecturers started answering questions once the strike finished however the help he gave to the person with the same problem as me means nothing to me

[oflgtfol]

i cant wait for this semester to be over im begging on my hands and knees to god can i please just black out and wake up and its next weekend. i cant fucking take this anymore

[c12ly]

✨️ My autistic/adhd headcanons: ✨️

Dipper Pines

From Gravity Falls

Mabel being autistic and adhder is a popular headcanon I've seen several times, but I dont understand how no one seems to care about poor Mason guy. I mean, its clear for me that he is autistic as well. He struggles in social situations, has anxiety, wears the same outfit everyday to avoid wasting time thinking about what to wear, the diaries and the author are clearly his special interests to the point he doesn't sleep bc of it, he stims without even noticing by chewing pens when he's stressed plus he's probably trans.

Star Butterfly

From Star vs the forces of evil

This is a headcanon I've seen a little discussion on and I completely agree. Star behaves differently than those around her and although the show tried this to look like a cultural shock cause shes from another dimension, even in Mewni the only one who understands her is her father. She has echolalia, she happy stims by jumping and clapping, she hyperfocus/obsess, cant stand boredom, always find a way to have fun, she cant get the hint that someone dont like her; Marco was running away terrified of her while she was happily waving at him and saying goodbye and when Britney told her she would invite her to her party when pigs fly she took it literally. She's passionate, resolve things her way, can have strong emotional reactions, shes creative, very energetic and with a strong sense of justice.

Spongebob

I dont even know where to start, not only bc it is incredibly obvious hes autistic, but also it makes angry that his autistic traits are portrayed as annoying in the show and the ableist inside it.

His special interests are krabby patties. He loves his work, although its not even a work for him, its his life, he loves doing this with a passion, he don't want to stop doing it and gets depressed when Mr Crabs forces him to have some vacations.

He can became hyperfocus/obsessive, specially when it comes to krabby patties and the krusty crab in general.

He is very sensitive and experience his emotions very strongly, hes caring and get attached easily.

He doesn't get when people dont like him, although he is aware that he annoys Squidward and even have a day only to annoy him with Patrick, the rest of his interactions with him or anyone, he doesn't seems aware, something thats portrayed as "dumb" which I totaly hate btw.

He acts younger than he is, even some citizens of bikini bottom refer to him as a kid, when he's actually 20 something. More like an adult who does whatever he wants and makes him happy to me. It doesn't seem like he dislikes being called a kid by others but it stills annoy me a bit cause the ✨️ ableism ✨️ yk.

He has an "inappropriate" and "annoying" laugh and in general he is "annoying" and it piss me off that all that considered annoying are nd traits, and it personally annoys me more bc Spongebob has been my favorite cartoon since I'm like four and most of the think he does, I do them too.

Luz Noceda

From the owl house

Since episode one u can tell she has adhd and how the principal(? of her school and her mom, instead of trying to understand her, only want her to change and bahave like she should. Not like the spiders where the best idea but still, they also wanted her to stop engaging on her silly fantasy books. Very understandable she decided to stay at the boiling isles.

She lives in her own world. She's full of creativity, passion, new ideas, she wants not only to explore the world, she want to do it now, like, rn. Shes also very energetic, always ready for an adventure or a lecture as long as shes interested.

Oscar

From Summer Camp Island

He is so clearly autistic to me. He has difficulties with change and adapting, something we see the moment he arrives at the camp and his parents leave; he even tries to leave bc this new environment, all the changes, being away from the safety his parents represent its too much for him.

Hes anxious asf, hes clumsy and a little clingy. He get his confidence when he feels safe with his friends and in the moment theyre not around he starts getting worried.

He is a calm guy who likes doing things his way and prefer staying at his cabin, chill and cozy but who also likes and is willing to go on adventure as long as he feels comfortable and safe with his friends, from which he gets his strength.

Reassurance and a book are enough to make him happy.

I love him. Hes also the character i relate the most with from this list (I relate to all except from Dipper and Neddy).

Neddy

From adventure time

Same thing as with Dipper and Mabel, Neddy is Princess Bubblegum brother, her being autistic is a well known headcanon but Neddy, oh man, hes pretty much too but since he has so little screen time I wouldn't be surprised if people dont even remember him.

He is non verbal and very very sensitive to noise and change, being Bonnies song the only thing that can calm him during a meltdown.

There's not much else to say, Bonnie and Neddy is the only episode hes part of, but i think thats enough. Since the very beginning, he seemed very overwhelmed by the different environments and noises him and Bonnie were facing after leaving the mother gum. He desseperatily cries and tries to run away from the danger or discomfort hes feeling.

I really wish he had at least another episode to see his relationship with his family and to understand and get to know him more, apart from the ending scene in which Bonnie and their aunt are singing to him.

(For the record, i dont like Bonnie but i do like this quote from Bonnie and Neddy. It also goes pretty well with this post.)

[floralcrematorium]

okay so no tiermaker bc the one I did was a mess when I got to actual thinking but here's some nonsensical rambling. gonna put most of this under the cut because i just ramble on and on and i'm not subjecting random people's dash's to nonsensical thoughts

for the AU I was thinking largely about just the Shenanigans different people would get up to, so here are a few of my founding thoughts for the AU. Ultimately this AU comes down to one thing and one thing only:

Which characters are willing to put themselves through four soul sucking years of formal art education?

table of contents for what's below the cut:

Important Notes

The Content

Student/Concentration/Year Breakdown

Generic Description of Concentrations (Majors)

SHARE ARTISTS WITH ME!!!

WARNING, THIS POST IS VERY LONG. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Important Notes

• disclaimer 1: These thoughts are for a human AU because in nationverse I think every character has dabbled in the arts at least once. Art history should and will be taken into account when thinking about a character's area of study, but I'm mainly considering a character's personality above all things. Cause like,,, the United States could be its own art history course when considering past and contemporary Native American art history (which I've taken a course about but it was not perfect whatsoever) and art history following the foundation of the country, but I do NOT think Alfred F. Jones would go through art school. If he's an artist, he's a hobbyist and that's fine. I just cannot see that man having the patience for art school, unless someone can prove me wrong

• disclaimer 2: I went to a very small art college that honestly is very unserious and is very much divided between "fine arts" which are literally all lumped together when it comes to senior thesis (all of the painters, sculptors, art educators, printmakers, photographers, and book arts people were stuck together which was a mess) and the "visual arts" group which had their own separate thesis groups (illustration, animation, and graphic design got to be their own entities). I was an illustrator who nearly fell down the illustrator to animator pipeline (see bullet point about Japan in the actual content section) and was friends with animators and art education majors. My requirements had me taking life drawing/painting classes and typography, so I had some exposure to the painters and graphic designers. My "college experience" is very atypical to others for numerous reasons, especially considering how we weren't even allowed to pick our majors/minors until midway through our 3rd semesters (we had to take foundations courses freshman year)

• disclaimer 3: Actual art history came into play when I was thinking about what some characters' concentrations would be and not really anything else, but because I attended college/live in America, my knowledge is going to have eurocentric bias. I genuinely don't think African arts have been in my curriculum whatsoever other than when dissing Pablo Picasso and Man Ray. We've touched upon South America in bits and pieces and then I took a Buddhist Art History course which was entirely focused on Asia, but of course I still lack knowledge on greater art movements in other regions. I'm very open to learning new things, so feel free to throw things my way! I am very much not an expert and should not be considered as one

• not really important, but I just wanted to bring this up. I somehow managed to escape art school without having formal lectures on THE RENAISSANCE. Blame the pandemic -- we were supposed to cover it at the end of my introductory art history class, but that semester was when the pandemic hit so it threw the curriculum off and we did what we could. My education was thoroughly fucked over by the pandemic (though, who's wasn't?)

• just because I've assigned a character a concentration, it doesn't mean that they haven't taken electives outside of their major. it's fun to explore! despite being an illustrator, i took several animation electives

The Content

expect typos. I am severely over-caffeinated. this stupid AU idea genuinely started with me thinking about how in my freshman year i had a project where I had to tie myself to another student for 8 hours and document what we did every hour and what silly shenanigans heta characters would get up to if they were humans age 19-22 in the same situations i found myself in

• The Ancient characters who are "dead" in canon are faculty? Started this bullet point with Ancient Egypt and Rome in mind. Rome specifically reminds me of my one life drawing teacher who was also one of the main painting professors. Could tell a lot of stories about that guy, but Rome is a more outgoing and less intimidating version of him. Thinking about his emphasis for "you have to feel the model, you have to get inside the model to really understand the form." He would dramatically gesture across his own body to get the emphasis that you need to be actively moving to explore a form, which would then result in him getting charcoal all over his shirts. Same guy threatened to throw a ball at us if we looked at our papers too much instead of the model. He's also made our main model cry before (not a fan of that, our main model was such a nice guy and he brought snacks for us on the last class i ever had with him as a model (homemade spinach stromboli & pumpkin bread)). Maybe we can throw Germania in there as a liberal arts teacher, I don't know. Ancient Greece should be faculty too. Maybe she's another liberal arts professor and Ancient Egypt is the sculpture professor? Arguably we could move China and India to be instructors as well since they're among the oldest canon characters, but I really want them to be students (they are the Tired Seniors who can't wait to get out of here). Regardless, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Greece, and Rome could all be deans. Also, if there's a character with an ancient relative (The Italy bros, Greece, and Egypt), they're attending this AU college

• China, India, and France give me RA vibes. China and India are both fourth years while France is a third year. China and India might've been roommates their freshman year and have been friends through their time at art college. They're definitely always together and one of them's definitely got a car on campus. They run their RA events together. France is definitely an RA for the bonus popularity points it scores him. I love Francis, but he's annoying about it and is lowkey insufferable. France is very buddy-buddy with Campus Life in the worst way possible lmao. I can see China and India being very fed up with campus/administration whereas Francis kisses admin's ass (I say this with a handful of my friends having been RAs for 3 years and hearing about What Goes Down)

• Veneziano and Romano are siblings attending the same college and are roommates. If they're not direct roommates, they at least live in the same apartment (2 bedrooms w/ two people in each, total 4 per apartment). I went to a really small school, but I can name several instances where siblings attended the college at the same time and more often than not they usually roomed together. Maybe it made move-in easier for parents. I remember two animators in particular who were siblings and I almost never saw one without the other unless only one of them was in my class. Veneziano's dragging Romano out to events (they definitely take advantage of the free food on campus), but they both have their own friend circles. They're not in the same major. Veneziano is a painter and Romano is either photography or printmaking (he was originally in painting, too, and is pretty good at it, but his tendency to compare himself to his brother led him to pursue another concentration to distinguish himself as his own person). My college didn't have a meal plan and we were responsible for cooking for ourselves -- Veneziano and Romano's apartment is the place to be because they're willing to cook to feed anyone who needs food (they're giving rich kid vibes -- maybe their grandfather is also a dean rather than just an instructor (administrators could also teach at my school, but were limited to one or two classes per semester))

• Having a hard time figuring out what major each character would be because it's unfair to distinguish one nation to one category of the arts. Honestly I'm going mainly on the character's personality alone supplemented by what I know from my art history classes. So far what I'm thinking for concentrations is China is painting, India is interdisciplinary to pursue both painting and sculpture, France is painting and took some photo classes (he could also be art ed???), Veneziano is painting, Romano is photo or printmaking, Greece is sculpture, and see the next bullet point for Japan. Characters I can't decide on concentrations for are: Korea, Taiwan (she's giving illustration to me and she'd like artists like Tran Nguyen (I think she'd love work heavy in florals, bright colors, and very flowy compositions)), Liechtenstein (don't ask why she's here, it's purely vibes alone. She's either a painter or a kid-lit illustrator), Poland, Portugal, Spain maybe, and Egypt. Turkey could also attend, but I don't know him well enough as a character to make the call over whether or not he'd put up with art school. I also want to include Thailand and Vietnam, but I'm unsure if they'd put up with art school. If so, Vietnam and Taiwan are roommates. As much as I love the Nordics, I'm not sure if I can see any of them attending art school except maybe Norway, and that's a stretch (I also have genuinely no knowledge about Scandinavian arts so take that into account). Other nations are notable for their arts, but I can't see them attending art school with what I know about them as characters. HWS America is not attending art school, I'm sorry guys. Maybe he tried, but flunked out. I can't see him being able to sit still during life drawing classes (just like me, for real). For some reason Germany also comes to mind (Northern Renaissance, one of the few things that comes to mind for Germany and I remember nothing because this is high school knowledge). Unless maybe he's in the metal shop? He could be a metal sculptor. I also want to include Ukraine here, but my only basis for this thought is on Ukrainian embroidery and I don't know anything about Ukrainian arts otherwise (she's someone you would think is an RA because she's very involved on campus, but isn't an RA). I'm also thinking Monaco would be here if France is

• Japan fell down the illustrator to animator pipeline. Since his character canonically loves comics and animation, I think that's what lands him in the illustration concentration. However, a strange phenomenon I noticed among my classmates is the sheer number of illustrators who changed their majors during their sophomore/junior year and became animators. I think part of it had to do with this one particular professor we had in the department, but I can name over five people who made the swap?? Which is a lot considering by the time we graduated, the illustration department had the most graduates (~20 of us). With Kiku specifically, I think it might've just been he couldn't decide between the two fields. Like how I have India and maybe France as interdisciplinary to have two different focuses, maybe Japan is also an interdisciplinary artist. He definitely reminds me of some of the animators I knew who would stay in their senior studios and would hide from security in order to stay all night (because of the pandemic, we weren't allowed to stay in the school buildings past 2 AM, but it was easy to find places to hide once you figured out what times security would come through on rounds)

• Feliciano and Kiku get up to shenanigans. That's really it. Everyone wonders how the hell Feli is getting his work done because he's always in the animation studio bothering Kiku and he??? Cannot do his physical work there because there's no ventilation for oil paints in the animation studio. I think they would also be good roommates, but Kiku's a year above Feli. I think it would be very cool if they collaborated on a project -- Feli paints backgrounds for an animation for Kiku (Kiku's very much able to compose his own backgrounds, but I love when animation is mixed media (think Loving Vincent (I haven't seen it but supposedly every shot is an oil painting) or Scarlet Deer Inn (a video game that's in production right now where the character animation frames are all embroidery). Also considering their vastly different work ethics... that would be an interesting experience

• Wake up IndChu, ItaPan, and Framano shippers. I've already touched upon India/China and Japan/N.Italy's relationships, but now I get to talk about Framano. I hadn't considered Framano as a ship until this one RP I'm doing as France (which is still in progress) where France and Romano meet in their 20s and it's an artist/muse situation. In the RP AU, Francis is an illustrator (think along the lines of Leyendecker stylistically) who hires Lovino as a studio assistant (Lovino hobbies in photography but Francis is unaware of this yet). Lovino is very down on himself and can't see how wonderful he really is, but Francis is absolutely captivated by him -- his attitude, his looks, his story. Anyway, back to art school AU. I think Francis and Lovi would've met in their photo classes and Francis is newer to the practice than Lovino is. He's a big fan of what he sees from Lovi during critique and asks for his help outside of class, meanwhile Lovino is like huh???? me???? I think Lovino definitely puts Francis and his massive ego in his check and between Francis and his brother, Lovino gets dragged to a lot of campus events. Give me Romano learning to appreciate his own worth, PLEASE. If neither of them have Friday classes, I want them to sit in the park sketching and with some lunch

• All of them have caffeine addictions, whether it be coffee or tea. There are at least three cafe's on the main street by my college's main building and at least half of the student population frequents those three places and is a loyal customer to one of them. Most of the characters I've listed are definitely big fans of coffee or tea, so more than half of the time you're gonna see them with a hot or iced drink in hand. I can see Francis working at one of the coffee shops that's open from like 7AM-2PM. His shifts are on days where he doesn't have morning classes -- Since he gets free or discounted food/drink, he's definitely bringing home lunch for Lovino or Charlotte (Monaco) even though he doesn't need to

• I'm unsure who, but there's someone on campus who is notorious for setting the dorm smoke alarms off at 2 or 3 AM. I would consider England, but I'm not sure if I'm including him in this AU. To be honest, I'm entirely unsure of what he would even study (he's more of a writer to me), but thinking about an academic rivalry with France is funny & they're bitter exes

• A shrine dedicated to the school's president (let's just say it's Rome) keeps popping up in one of the dorm common spaces. Every time the RAs send out an email to their respective floors about taking it down, it does get taken down, but it reappears not long after. This. Happened at my school, lol. It was located in a cabinet in the new dorm building that very few people could actually access. There's also an Adam Driver photo collage on the walls in the janitor's closet??? Truly nobody knows who is responsible for that one but it was there the entire time I was a student

Character Breakdowns

But not for everyone bc I've spent too long with this draft open. Using their country names rather than human names because I don't have human names for everyone yet. There are also some characters who I know the year of but not their concentration, or vise versa

Student Body

China: Senior (4th year, ~21-22), Painting Concentration, RA, former roommates with India, but since they were both hired as RA's their sophomore year, they get their own single dorms India: Senior, Interdisciplinary (Painting & Sculpture), RA Ukraine: Senior, unsure of Concentration -- potentially Sculpture Turkey: Senior, unsure of Concentration -- potentially Sculpture Vietnam: Junior (3rd year, ~20-21), possible Painting or Illustration Concentration France: Junior, Art Education Concentration with focus in Painting and Photography, RA Greece: Junior, Sculpture Concentration?? Poland: Junior, unsure of Concentration Portugal: Junior, unsure of Concentration Japan: Junior, Interdisciplinary (Illustration & Animation) Romano: Sophomore (2nd year, ~19-20), Photography Concentration Veneziano: Sophomore, Painting Concentration, dabbled in some sculpture Taiwan: Freshman (1st year, ~18-19), Illustration Concentration Liechtenstein: Freshman, Illustration Concentration or Painting, will probably be applying to be an RA her sophomore year Monaco: Freshman, Photography or Painting Concentration

I guess I should also consider Seborga, who would be a Freshman, but not sure of his concentration.

Faculty

• Rome: President of the school. Teaches painting and life drawing/anatomy courses. His grandsons attend the school, but they were accepted on their own merit. It's probably not legal for them to be in one of his classes though? Unsure • Ancient Egypt: Dean of students. Teaches sculpture classes • Ancient Greece: Dean of academics. Teaches creative writing and art history classes • Germania: I don't know what this man is teaching, but he's here. He's probably another liberal arts teacher, maybe humanities?

Pre-College Concept?

This section is literally only here with Wy and Kugelmugel in mind since parts of their whole characters is just being an artist. Pre-College is a program for high-school students where they get to spend 3 weeks attending classes and living on campus to get a feel for what art school is like and I think they get college credit out of it, too

Generic Concentration Overview

Visual Arts

• Illustration: This was my own major and I don't even know how to describe it. Wow. Covers both traditional and digital mediums. I guess illustrators are like painters but with the attitudes of animators, I guess? We're a mess and I've seen several people cry due to crit. I haven't, but very publicly have had emotional crises (I restarted my thesis twice and had to speed run it with 2 months left in the academic school year. DO NOT DO THIS, EVER). Constantly in a battle of attrition with the school printers. Too many materials and not enough space to store it • Animation: Goddamn, get some sleep please. Their classes are really fun but also very stressful. Have seen my friends do paper animation, cut paper animation, stop-motion with plasticine or legos, on top of digital animation and 3D modeling. They have ridiculous deadlines. Notoriously glued to video games and cartoons (which is why they're here) • Graphic Design: By far the concentration I know the least about. They were very much tucked away in their own corner of the school. I'm so sorry that I can't say more

Fine Arts

• Painting: Kept to themselves or were with the sculpture students. Always in their studios. Were often the ones who take the collaging classes. Also always up late. I won't lie, I was a bit afraid of the painters. Painters typically stuck to oil paints and I don't think I saw a painter who used watercolor or gouache as their main medium, those paints typically being associated with the illustrators • Sculpture: A very broad concentration that can include plaster, wood, metal, glass, textile work, jewelry making, and digital fabrication (3D printing). Bound to when studio hours are because there are studio monitors for the metal, woodshop, and fabrication lab. I haven't met a boring sculptor yet • Photography: Digital & film. I didn't personally know any, but they often took pictures for the school of different events. You'll wanna know one if you want professional headshots done or help photographing your work nicely. Probably also always at war with the school printers • Print Lab: Always very interesting people and I mean that very positively. They're so cool! Wood block prints, lithographs, etching, screen-printing, and others. A surprising amount of chemicals involved. Banished to the basement • Book Arts: They deserve love and attention because they're often forgotten. The major with the least amount of students. They learn bookbinding and papermaking. They're really cool! • Art Education: Usually gets the short end of the stick. Their focus can literally be in anything. They unlock a secret 9th semester where they have to student teach, but still get to walk at graduation after their 8th semester • Interdisciplinary: You basically get to create your own curriculum, but you still have requirements you need to fulfill

END

I genuinely would love to hear about what character you guys think would attend art school in human AUs, whether it be ones I've already mentioned or not

PLEASE share some artists with me!! If artists have been mentioned to me in school, I've forgotten their names because I'm a bit spacey. If I don't write it down, it gets evaporated from my brain. Right now some of my favorite illustrators include Tran Nguyen, Sophie McPike, Loish, Aubrey Beardsley, Alphonse Mucha, or almost anyone within the Art Nouveau movement

Is this a stupid AU idea that could use more thought? probably, but it was thrown into my head as soon as I woke up so here it is. Might expand on it later

trying to figure out which heta characters would attend art school in an entirely self indulgent college AU so i can make fun of art school

⁽ⁿᵒᵗ ᵍᵒⁿⁿᵃ ᵉˣᵖˡᶦᶜᶦᵗˡʸ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ᵐʸ ˢᶜʰᵒᵒˡ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵃᶠᵉᵗʸ ʳᵉᵃˢᵒⁿˢ ᵇᵘᵗ ᵐʸ ᶜᵒˡˡᵉᵍᵉ ʰᵃˢ ʰᵃᵈ ᵃ ᶠᵉʷ ᶠᵘⁿⁿʸ ᵛᶦʳᵃˡ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵍˢ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶦᵗ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶦ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵗᵒ ˢʰᵃʳᵉ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ⁾

gonna do a tiermaker then post it for peer review lmao

[skullshoal]

Work driving me crazy so insane I am working all the time but I'm not making money bc it's mine wage and I come in and freak out at my manager about this and she tells our boss and now my boss thinks I want more hours instead of being paid more no I fucking DONT I want a different job bc I was hired to do a different job entirely at this store and then they say they can't train me until after seasonal and then they say there is no hours to train me six months I've been working here and they don't even try to and now all this year I've been almost exclusively working as a cashier and I tell my manager I don't want cashier shifts I didn't get hired to be a cashier I didn't apply to be a cashier and she says we are giving you cashier shifts so you have hours honestly I would rather you didn't give me hours then and then I would just quit and be guilt free instead of our boss saying I have the most hours of anyone why do I have so many FUCKING hours and I am not even MAKING 600 DOLLARS A MONTH and bc I'm a cashier and I'm not selling their stupid rewards program good enough every shift I have to get lectured to and sign a document saying I have to do better and now they're saying I have to spout a quirky catchphrase to customers when I greet them like this isn't a minimum wage job and I'm constantly cashiering and after I worked at target I specifically don't apply to cashier jobs bc it makes me wanna KMS DID I MENTION ITS LEGAL TO NOT GIVE YOU BREAKS IN FLORIDA. ITS FOUR HOURS WITH NO BREAK AND IF I WORK MORE I USUALLY JUST TAKE ONE FIFTEEN AS A LUNCH. So yeah I work 7 hours tomorrow and I'll probably be giving my two weeks soon and then I will tell you horrors beyond your comprehension.

Oh also it's mental health month I fucking guess and this fun sign up sheet for your scheduled mental health break down in our break room today is literally so so insane here please publicly tell your coworkers you are insane and we will give you an extra break. No they don't specify if the break will be paid or not or how long it is at all and yes it is one break in the entire month of may like yes you understand people hate this job here is potentially thirty minutes of on the clock time 🤗

Btw half an hour of my time is worth five bucks to these people. Here's a fiver to be mentally healthy and keep working here. Sinister. Despicable. I hope all my coworkers quit and find better jobs and the store explodes.