#bc it’s 4am holy shit

[luffysprincess]

❝ when words fail me, I’ll hold your hands to remind you that you’ve got my heart in yours ❞

elemental version under the cut

[thatstheproblemwithnapkinman]

"adhd isn't a disability"

breaks down over trying to start tasks until he deadline is stupidly close

unable to do basic chores unless it's like 4am and then the whole damn house gets cleaned

speaks too fast

tangent and tangent and tangent. makes social situations hard

literally unable to stop themselves from interrupting people mid sentence (and the constant "*interrupts*- sorry, please continue")

knows what they want to say, cannot find the words, even if it's something basic

auditory processing disorder (pretty common with adhd), like how do you explain that you can hear but your brain has minecraft server lag and the chat will appear soon

hyperfixations, and people thinking they are special interests when they are not (they are short term, literally stops you from basic care like eating and drinking when in) edit: it was brought to my attention this comes across like special interests are easier to live with which is not the case, please do not take that away from this post!!!

impulse purchases making bank accounts cry

all or nothing. not hungry to pain. don't need to pee until pain. you get the picture

cannot sit still, like actually can't, constant moving and shuffling which people think would be cute but actually just pisses people off

doesn't have a fidget toy, not bc they are popular but bc they would have to put it away bc dylan over there got a fidget spinner and has been loudly playing with it (dylan is neurotypical)

cannot do anything if there is something else to do that day, must wait

just stfu it is a disability

[dropitdoeeyes]

Tummy kisses for the soul

[id: a drawing of jonny d’ville kissing marius von raum’s stomach. jonny has light skin, a choppy grown out light brown buzzcut with light brown facial hair. jonny’s wearing a cropped white tank-top. she lays on her stomach and uses one hand to roll up part of marius’ shirt. marius has medium brown skin, dark curly brown hair and facial hair, and a mechanical arm. he’s wearing a light yellow shirt with text that reads: “keep talking, i’m diagnosing you.�� and a pair of black shorts. he lays on his back, eyes shut and smiling. the background is entirely grey and shows the outline of a pile of pillows and a blanket. end id.]

[junglemax]

being tired at 9:30 fucking SUCKS yo

[midwesternfields]

and with thirty-one days left,

DECEMBER.

Winter Recipes from the Collective Louise Glück

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[incandesang]

i need 2 get back on tumblr properly, go through this acc, go through the tags, and just remove everything fucked up i think

[thatdeadaquarius]

it's almost 4am i can't get this out of my head holy shit.

reader whose original body is a literal eldritch forest deity and speaks in hymns (bonus points: after we isekai into said og body, we mix slang into it).

the acolytes have to break their fucking necks just to talk to you eye-to-eye, and the only thing they can make out of what you say is something equal to tablets bajillion years old already.

or that reader is constantly cussing and the acolytes just nod along not understanding whatever this 15ft tall eldritch horror is saying.

-🫀

ELDRITCH HORROR READER. I LIVEEE, NONE OF U UNDERSTAND, THIS IS SO DEEPLY AHHHHHH

I LITERALLY JUST SHIMMY STIM IN MY SEAT WHEN I THINK ABT THIS TOO LONG LMAO

i LIVE AND BREATHE for when we look like eldritch horrors but are just people lmao

IF I HAVEN’T RUN U OFF, 🫀 MY HEART, MI CORAZON <3

U HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MIND DESPITE BEING A BLOODY HEART

☆

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them only), Eldritch!Reader

Planet: Misc. Genshin AUs

Orbit: some headcanons, tiny scenario

Stars: a little bit of Zhongli, Xiao, Ganyu, Ningguang, Keqing, and the adepti

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Light Description of Body Modifications/Body Horror-esque, Light Description of Eldritch Horror Creature, Reader has a Non-Human Body,

& Trigger Warnings: Eldritch Monster, Light Body Horror, Non-Con Body Modifications (Wake up as a monster, described as positive).

FUCKING LOVE THIS GIF, AND THIS SONG AND ARTISTTT

hey so here’s a song to listen I was listening to while writing this, chose the instrumental bc it was less distracting!

👉👈 hope u like :)

you just come into Teyvat from either Enkanomiya, the straight up Abyss/Dark Realm or even Celestia/Light Realmunder that glowing mushrooms tree in the Chasm, or like, ooo even by the upside down Barbatos statue 👀

and its great bc ur like- “omg Teyvat ooooo, ahhhh”

meanwhile the animals/magical creatures/beings nearby like shakin in their boots

literally no matter what land type their in, water, air, etc. they’re all bowing (despite the hooves, the paws, the flippers, the wings,) hell, even the bugs?? Might be bowing???

and you were slow to wake up wherever you were, so it took you a second to really process-

plus it just felt so weirdly, natural?

Not like walking on 2 legs no, but more like, how swimming feels but without the act of doing it?

you realize you’re… hovering.

wow, guess you can do that now,

your pretty much crowned with every flower from the regions of Teyvat, and a few from other Realms like Celestia, Abyss, and Enkanomiya, etc.

you have extra limbs, you feel them shift like you’ve had them all your life, even tho you do smack urself a few times with them lmao (new hand-eye coordination is hard)

and you realize u can see elemental traces/elements of beings, even plants, all the time now?

It isn’t until you look into a pretty still pond that you see what you look like,

you’ve got more eyes

I mean u thought you’d just be one of the twins, or ur own person if somebody asked u what youd look like isekaied to Genshin Impact, not what looks like the elemental god of the fucking continent

but you don’t look bad! actually you think you look kinda neat!

You’ve got like this coat of many draping vines and plantlife, glowing coral poking out near the top that’s around your throat, and- is that- tiny waterfalls?? Running down your nature cape too??

the many gemstones and ore of this planet form your legs, strong and taller than even regular human guys back on Earth, you’re like what? Eight? Nine feet? (about 245cm, or 2.5 meters)

You’re head… it’s like a dragons skull?? You’ve got these black horns flowing out from the top too that fade to a golden glow, like a crown nearly, theyre draped with what looks like strings of primogems??

oh and your extra eyes are symmetrical that’s good!

tho it does seem like you got this handy hood included into your cape of much nature to flop onto your head

where your heart should be, there’s two bursting stars circling one another, one of pink, purples and light blues, the other of gold and blue, oh hey, the wishing stars for standard and character banners!

and if you like mushrooms, at least one of every kind in Teyvat’s countries/regions is looking cool on ur cape, and if you like bugs, the cool ones like the rhino beetles from inazuma are being cute little buddies on ur stuff too

and like in the gif, every step you take overfills with life, except it stays and doesn’t wither like above, and it also does that glow bit that some places in Sumeru do/Enkanomiya

You CANNOT be missed no matter where you walk, and your sort of constantly feeling like you’ve drank 3 energy + 5 espresso shots of coffee

but in a way that makes you sort of full? like full on life… and like you could be even bigger, and taller, if you willed it

♤

k but the adepti felt ur presence coming in hot from literal mountains away

Cloud Retainter, and Guizhong, had set up inventions long ago to sense the Original of Teyvat, just in case, because some signs of prophecy of your return had begun to show in their lands

Zhongli especially knew you were close to come after another major sign was met, the corruption after the Archon War, and the ravaging of the land by the fall of Khaenri’ah’s “metal beasts”

So when you finally walk your way into Jueyun Karst, the adepti are already waiting, Xiao, Ganyu, and Zhongli as well,

Luckily Ganyu, with Zhongli’s help or advice, convinced the adepti to share this meeting with the Qixing as well like Keqing, and the Tianquan herself

It was a momentous occasion after all, but you were just now feeling the need to maybe nap a little after nearly, what was it, 2 weeks worth of constant walking?

wow this new body had literal stamina for days

you arrived late into the night, around midnight, under a full moon, and they’re relieved all the signs are being met

◇

honestly the only reason you headed to Liyue was bc you knew it was the closest (the map of Teyvat was both familiar in the way it had been in game, but also on a deeper level, like walking around your house in the dark)

and u rlly wanted to be able to talk to somebody, bc u had no idea?? wtf you were??

honestly you thought the adepti/Zhongli would be a good bet bc they’d maybe tell u what creature u ended up as,

u did suspect maybe you’d ended up as some kind of god, but like?? none of the other gods looked like this???

and u see them all! up ahead in Jueyun Karst! Oh no! You really, really, really, hope they don’t think you’re a walking talking evil tree dragon thing-

…maybe you should wave?

◇

As you get closer,

Xiao’s back straigtens, Ganyu nervously looks at the ground, Keqing is trying to figure out where to look bc ur so tall, Ningguang has her hands respectfully folded in front of her and her facial muscles looks tensed for a fight almost, the adepti are shuffling nervously bc they’re not used to being the magically weaker/younger creatures in the area, and Zhongli-

Zhongli is no longer the mortal Zhongli.

Amber horns curl up from his head, long brunette hair with glowing gold tips flowing and loose, claws on display, as he stands in his finest and oldest lóng páo, black with gold detailing embroidered throughout, it details his deeds as Rex Lapis and Morax, the spears of his vanquishing gods across the front and back, he looks like a living painting

and although he looks as serene as if he’s about to sit down for some tea, the adepti can see the tremoring hands, the same he used to hide in his sleeves when he was genuinely intimidated by another god, usually the older ones he’d had to fight

but for the first time since the archon war, this was one he was going to welcome with open arms, and utmost respect, despite his position as archon forfeited

there’s a strange music in the air of the night as the animals and the bugs and creatures of the realm subtly make the beat, the god’s feet (of ore Rex Lapis hasn’t seen since he was a child, it was so rare to find) shake the earth of his land with each step, a deep quiet booming like a drum of war as they get closer

The God of All stops some distance away from them

…and the Huangdi of All, just waves. 💀👋

at Zhongli, the adepti, Xiao, the Tianquan, and the Qixing.

A long black limb with a rainbow shine like a crow’s wing raises, gives an ironically tiny wave of their clawed black hand,

and tilts their head, though a sort of greenery hood covering it

and speaks,

“ ˙˙˙ʎzɐɹɔ sı ʇıɥs sıɥʇ ¿ʍou ʇɥƃıɹ ɯɐ ı ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʍouʞ sʎnƃ noʎ op uɯɐp”

your voice is like singing, deep, high, like a choir trying to sing all at once to them

Xiao cringes a little in surprise, he was braced for your older speech just in case but it still caught him off guard, and unfortunatly, he gives a quick glance to Lord Rex Lapis,

he can’t understand any of that, and Ganyu and Keqing are in the same boat, but while the Yaksha’s only done passive studying in hopes of understanding you, the Lord of Geo had gone much further back in trying to make sure he could understand your words, should the day come, his library, even now living as a mortal, is extensive

the other adepti and Ningguang catch a few words, but it’s too,, simple really, to understand

the words have no context, they need more, but such is the ancients, they’re meanings simple and all-encompassing

Lord Rex Lapis bows deeply,

“We welcome you with open arms, our Huangdi. Please, feast your eyes upon the land with which I have wrought with mine own talons, for all is ever truly yours.”

the adepti announces for them all, voice giving away no nerves, Xiao can still understand him luckily, though he has greatly simplified himself for the sake of being understood by the ancient god of creation,

“ ˙˙˙ʞɔıʇs ɐ uo ʇsıɹɥɔ snsǝɾ ¡¿ılƃuoɥz noʎ uǝʌǝ ¿noʎ oʇ poƃ ɟo puıʞ ǝɯos ɯ,ı 'ǝʇnuıɯ uɯɐp ɐ ʇıɐʍ”

your voice is an energy through the air, and makes the trees nearby lean in to hear you better, the creeks and ponds of the area leave their beds a little to get closer, geo crystalflys emerge and begin to swirl around your natural body, perching on your horns, making it look even more like a crown

Xiao gulps.

Rex Lapis’ and Ningguang’s spines straighten further if they even can from the impeccable posture they were before, They share a quick glance…

…neither of them caught that one, only a few words, and Ganyu feels her shoulders drop as she gives up trying to hear you and understand as well,

you make a strange sound, a high humming, a deep confusion with some worry, the crystalflys buzz around you a little faster,

then point to yourself

...and make a peace sign. ✌️

it was going to be a long night.

☆

idk if this made any sense, and I sincerely hope that you at least liked what I wrote a little bit, sorry about the over description 😭 I just felt like it was very important but then I realized I hadn’t even talked about the language yet… anyway here u go LMAO

I hope it was alright, and I seriously love your idea, even if I didn’t take it in the direction you wanted/as cool as you meant!! :/

Thanks for the badass idea, i fucking love eldritch shit <3

☆

Safe Travels,

💀 ♒

♡my beloved♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk

[galaxygirl8880]

My gift to you?

'Galaxy's 4am thoughts'

I grouped together a bunch of smaller drafts and stuck them in one post. They aren't in any particular order soo-

---

Beacrox except he's reacting to American school lunches

---

Hello

HOLY SHIT I FIGURED OUT HOW TO LINK STUFF YOU GUYS ARE FINALLY GETTING A MASTEPOST

---

What if somehow Cale threatens gets the GoD to give him some Disney moves on a recording device and the kids watch frozen 1 while at the Henituse estate and end up bullying Hans for the next two days and he's crying and curled up into a ball in the corner while they t-pose as cats.

---

"Young Master, how old are you?"

"19-"

"what? you're 20?"

"...I missed my birthday- why didn't anyone tell me??"

"THATS NOT SOMETHING WE SHOULD REMIND YOU OF-"

---

Og! Cale 16 years old throwing a wine bottle at the new Henituse painting (in the middle of the night) and a servant(s) watching in the background assuming he's drunk but Cale hits bullseye at his own spot in the portrait, not Violan or Basen like they thought he would effectively destroying it and leaving the other three (or would it be four now?) untouched.

---

Cale's strength depends on loony tunes rules

He's only strong when it'd be funny. No he can't carry all three kids at the same time for very long, but he can obviously bodily slam the white star into the concrete when he looks at him funny.

He can pick up Choi han and bolt when alberu tries to get him to work, but he can't pick up one of lock's lightest training weights

---

What if someone shouts for yoo joonghyuk and both he and Kim dokja turn to respond.

---

Basic thing I will expand on

Cale has no memories bc he was reborn

Instead he gets skill called something like "commander's will" which lets him access an interesting power that's either his ancient powers or an aura that boosts his companions abilities a ridiculous amount or his super shiney shield but stronger or idk

Either way his companions, who actually didn't know that that was Cale but reincarnated, cry at the sight of their red-head commander shadowing the person that was so similar.

Something like that

---

Omg guys rejoice im actually uploading!!

Do you want the new-ish posts in the Master post???

[deafenedsaltwater]

Today I woke up at 4am and decided that means its. Time to write a 4x ramble of mainly highlights

Now to copy-paste it here so I can uhhh add to it a bit

More than 14 years ago when the first piece of bfdi/xfohv content was released, 4 and x were the first two to have a spoken interaction. Furthermore, in that educational short film, 4 helped X Find Out His Value, the titular event. Later, upon reintroduction in bfdi/bfb proper, 4 has x be his cohost, which gives us more to go off of for their relationship. Highlights of this include: 4 making it a challenge to cool down x when he was on fire, / 4 speaking in unison with x (subscriber specials + have nots/have cots challenge), / 4 saying, and I quote, "but X is just looking for his treasure! I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN BECAUSE I MUST BE X'S ONLY TREASURE ", / in a flashback where x is telling the contestants about 4's love for bfdi, it's shown they lived together or at least spent a lot of time together before the show (also can I say seeing x get sad about 4 running away hit me hard), / 4 sung a cover of "All I Want For Christmas" directed AT X, outright calling him "baby" and telling him he would wait under the mistletoe for him (4X NATIONAL TREASURE HOLY SHIT I LOST IT THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT), / during Thanks for 800k, they did a parody of Honey I'm Home where the line was unfortunately replaced with "buddy I'm home" (4x disaster. We lost that day), / Cary confirmed that they were not related, and that he "liked the shipping", and "yeah, it's definitely canon" (to some extent. We can assume he didn't mean outright romantically, partial win), / 4 calls x "The best cohost money can buy", (he doesn't pay x), and earlier 4 had said "that's because I'm here! Yeah, I'm thinking of doing standup" in response to someone saying it's hot. X says something affirmative to this, I forget what exactly, but with ambiguity I can assume he meant that 4 is hot and noone can stop me, / 4 reads x's memory to find out who stole donut's diary, and x says "Ok! ...remember to keep my secrets" afterwards, / when bfb split into tpot and bfb, when x left, 4 not only got depressed, but referenced the original XFOHV short by saying "I just don't know what my value is, where my cohost is!" (Evil fucking homewrecker 2 I'll get them I WILL), asks ALL of his remaining contestants to help him get x back, before outright making it the challenge for the episode. When x is returned to 4, 4 says "x! I'm so happy to see you! Are you?" "That depends, how good are you at paddy cake?" "I'm super pro!" "Then I am happy as well!", / they have a lot of hugs, notably the one upon 4's return, and that one that is animated so that they reeaaallly look like they're making out, / I'm running out of notable moments hold on let me go watch a 4x compilation

I'm using masculine pronouns ffor both of them bc that's how they're referred to in the show, but as with all Algebraliens, they're genderless

OK OK I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO TALK ABT X GETTING SAD WHEN 4 ENTERED THE GROUND. Sitting at the exact spot 4 entered the ground for months and watching his 43 imaginary bfdi seasons is so,, I mean all I'm saying is that hurt/comfort goes crazy for them (fanfic reader in me shining through)

AND THE "What do you think of roleplay?" LINE. That whole episode of them swapping appearances was so lovely for subtle 4x dynamic. I want I want more just fluffy moments with them,, just seeing how they banter and bounce off each other is so joyful. I'm a sucker for fluff

Generally X is just such a supportive friend and 4 loves them (Other than the LRC line - I really don't like the Limb Reattachment Center being a possibility even off screen. It messes with my perception of them, and it feels inconsistent with the rest of their relationship throughout the show. Maybe I'm just a massive hater and don't want my vanilla flavor fluffy best friend ships being toxic in some way. 4 screeching adds to this, but lesser as later when x made it a condition of him staying 4 stopped screeching)

4 was proud of x for doing bfb without them. Honestly, my earlier distaste for the LRC thing could be fixed by continued shows of progress in their relationship like this. I will read between all the lines I want to make sense of the behavioral changes, as someone who hasn't watched BFDI content other than all subscriber specials, the pi day massacre, tpot 11, and a 4x compilation. Part of my willingness to somewhat brush past is that 4 and X are very strong/durable people who, as far as we know, could live for eons. Mainly referencing Thanks For 900k's timeskip here. I hope they live forever <3

OHHH THE WHOLE SUBPLOT OF 4 TELLING THE CONTESTANTS TO RESPECT X'S ALOE VERA,, I mean, it's a subplot that leads into x catching on fire which leads to th e challenge being first to cool him down then to do something to help his aloe vera grow. But it was great. "If X says there are points, there are points" ...lovely

X offering 4 a juicebox when they feel bad <3

I hope these two title screens speak to their relationship, and my perception of them

[bright-and-burning]

7 for holy sick divine nights 💕!

7. What inspired the idea for the plot?

i had to go waaayyy back thru my discord dms looking for this. turns out i got this idea waiting for an 'indefinitely' delayed flight (i literally cried. it was horrible. im never flying spirit again) in the middle of that stretch of 10 days this fall where i traveled something like three thousand miles with extremely minimal sleep before every drive and flight lol. prefacing this with i was so incredibly sleep deprived so i dont actually REMEMBER. bc i posted but my tracks are better the evening of the 16th and then couldnt sleep for the life of me bc i always get too amped up after posting fic. and then i had to wake up at 4am to go to the airport for a day trip to baltimore lmao. so it is key that when i texted kee abt this idea it was 9pm . after i'd gotten ~3hrs of sleep and spent the day walking around baltimore. so im trying to piece things together...

basically. what was the 17th of september . what was going on around then besides my 6am and 10:30pm flights. OH MY GOD BAKU HAD JUST HAPPENED THAT WAS IT. baku was so fucking good that i could use it as a shield against all the terrible feelings of the middle of the season and actually like. think abt them. and i had this like, separate vent fic? i posted a couple snippets around this time. that was just like. delicious miserable lando. but it was just for me really, and i didn't think it was gonna be any good, or make any sense. so after baku i was like. well i can write some freaky horrible bits now bc i know where im ending. (and then it got even better <3 live laugh love my orange bitches). i think i just wanted to kind of. i felt like all i wrote was soft and insulated with no sharp edges. which i like!! i'll never write dark shit for the pure sake of edginess or coming across as 'mature,' yk. but i wanted to push myself. and i guess i went somnophila -> dream sex ?? my original outline was literally these messages (below the cut) copy and pasted into my notes app so. i think i was just delirious, mostly. i did spend like. the rest of the season soooo scared something horribly rancid was going to happen and ruin my beautiful sensical plot. i originally wanted it out before cota. and that didnt happen. and then before halloween. and so on and so forth. but it turned out just fine, nothing crazy happened to ruin the vibes, and it's almost even better to know like. the fic ends. and then everything else happens. they get their wcc... anyways this got long even tho i literally dont know what caused me to send those initial messages bc all i remember of the two hours i spent sat on the plane waiting for take off was bursting into tears bc i was so tired. LOL

bts fic asks

[checkadii]

SENDING A FOLLOW UP HERE TO NOT CLOG UP UR POST !! but YEA no mans land/gunsmoke really does lend itself to slaughter a lot and therefore causes it to come up. a lot more than it would if it was like. still on earth. it could also lend itself to the end but . i dont think many characters would fit well with the end upsettingly enough 😭😭 AND YEAA a big part of lr characterization for me is how they r both very. seeking for companionship however they can get it (livio by trying to make himself as small as possible pre eom and razlo in eom trying to be The Best Assassin to get a good grade in Killing) and kind of get . not defined but /almost/ by their isolation and response to said isolation - and obv mixed with the slaughter it covers some good bases i think

I DOOOO REALLY LIKE the idea of seeing milly and meryls slow creeping descent in comparison to everyone else kind of . being settled ?? especially with how they end up as reporters at the end and how that could be reflected with the eyes influence and the near constant goose chase continuing . PLUS the reports that meryl kept writing in . was it 98 or trimax i cant remember. detailing vashs everything feels very reminiscent of statement taking but just. in a different way. (sidebar. millys monthlies mention bc it is relevant and i think it could be woven into this as well)

OVERALL. i am delighted with what u r proposing it is very cool and will be haunting me /pos

POINTING AT THE LR BIT. YES. EXACTLY HAJHSJDJFN!!!

There was that one part in vol 10 of trimax that. Hold on I’m actually gonna go look oh my god I had the tab opened to twin wings we’re swiftly brushing past that or I cry anyways

FOUND IT

THIS!!! I don’t have. Words for it because it’s cough. 4am but whatever BUT. YK!!! YK???

And for Milly and Meryl!! The train of thought I had was just. Yea! They didn’t get to outright interact with fear until then, and while tendencies may be there it’s not,,, mmm. so tangible? Everyone else had Something ™️ going on every other breath but. Yegah,,, AND THEIR REPORTS CAN DEFINITELY BE SOMETHING REMINISCENT OF STATEMENTS!! (Millys monthlies can and will be woven into this one way or the other youre so right)

This will also be haunting me tbh . if I got money for everytime I made a tma AU for anything I’d have enough to maybe buy lies of p but holy shit this is Up There in the tier list

[sunflowercider]

god. i had a dream last night that i was responding to lots of asks from a very excited and friendly anon about fandom stuff (they seemed on the younger side, and excited to talk to anyone at all) until suddenly i got one more ask saying 'oh this question would take too long, so i found your number and im gonna call you!' and my phone indeed rang which i ignored bc wtf and i quickly found where my phone number was visible, disabled it, and then started typing up a general post going "anon you seem sweet and harmless but did you forget there are other ways to talk to people in a noninvasive way like discord because holy shit you cannot just call my real life phone number"

And then i woke up to my phone ringing in real life at 4am, so you can imagine how it took me a few minutes to realize it was actually a dream

[mazlodowki]

holy shit two posts in one day?? from moi???

someone should take this iPad away from me it's 4am

anyways new pfp and also turns out I'm a lesbian because I realized fictional men don't count bc I wouldn't like them irl

[missbaphomet]

Encountered the most TOXIC fucking player holy shit. Played widow, flamed the supports for three whole ass matches and on the third match I won't lie, I showed my ass a little. I was getting some support time in since role queue loves giving me tank and I missed playing some mercy. Literally no sooner than we hit the lobby and this Widow is being absolutely hateful to me bc in the last round I defended someone else playing battle mercy while I was playing DPS Moira. I throw a few messages basically telling her to shove off and go about my match. Tank was not pushing, but I'm keeping my team up and we lose point. No big deal. I'm already 3 rezs deep and it's not my job to make reinhardt move his ass. Drop a catty message about having 3 rezzes and widow comes back with "and 0 Assists" like... OK? You were complaining about heals. Way to move those goalposts bestie. Out of curiosity, I look at team report and she has 777 damage and 0 kills at the end of first objective. Lol. Lmao even. OK.

More stupid catty bullshit I was only really even engaging in because it's 4am and it's the most human interaction I've had in like 6 hours and I'm just returning the energy put into the world. End of match rolls around, I ask to avoid her as teammate because ew and send a friend request to the team Cassidy bc he was chill af and thanked me after each and every rez for 3 matches. Literally think nothing of it.

I'm sitting in queue again and get an invite from the Cassidy. Accept.

Turns out the Widow is grouped to him too. I'm listening to music in another tab and not at all expecting someone to start talking to me and all I can fucking hear is "why'd you add him? Why'd you add him?" Because he's cool tf. Run my mouth a little more, leave the group, send a report and block that widow. Then I got to thinking.

Was she fucking jealous??? I sent a random ass friend request to someone I didn't ever expect to even speak to again and this bitch made him invite me to his group to bitch at me. Did she really fucking think I was gonna seduce this guy with my mad gamer skillz over fucking overwatch quick play????? Yikes.

Anyway there's a Cassidy main out there somewhere with the battle tag Angel who is a real sweetheart, but his maybe girlfriend is a royal fucking cunt. You can do better king, and I hope you do.

For anyone curious this was the end of match report on that Widow as well as my stats for that game where I spent a decent amount of time just bitching in the text channel and not actually playing

Like girl. You are reinforcing my belief that the most toxic players are just bad at the game and lashing out. It is not that serious. Skill issue

[heartfucksmouth]

today I learned that PMS can cause or worsen insomnia and now I know why I didn't sleep til almost 4am every night this week (besides having a teething baby) even tho i took valiun and it's all thanks to me unsuspectingly getting my period today. I bled heavily for over a month bc of my iud and had finally slowed down to just some spotting but nope here we go for another week. please pray for the pH of my vagina and also for the stability of my moods and level of tolerance....

it's not aidans fault he's teething but I hit a wall fast when he's extra fussy and unable to nap well. I just shut down and dissociate from everything else so I can calmly hold him while he cries. it's hard. it's hard observing what my brain does and I have little control over it. I'm just glad I can direct my overwhelm away from him. I dread the day I lose my temper and he registers it. but at least I know apologies and comfort (while respecting his autonomy) are what's important afterwards.

being a mom is such a mindfuck. I'm grateful, and I'm fascinated by how much I love Aidan, but holy shit the layers and layers of emotional processing just keep piling on. too much to write right now