#bc it was with someone he loves and has that emotional/soul connection with as well as the physical part

[star-kovs]

“Do I look a mess?”

‘Yes, but you are my mess’

[moderndayamymarch]

i’m not sure where this idea that dumbledore is the reason tom riddle became wizard hitler came from but i don’t buy it. i know the cool kid thing to do is blame dumbledore for every bad thing that happens in those books, but dumbledore isn’t the reason riddle was like that™️.

by the time dumbledore first meets riddle- he’s already traumatized those two kids in the cave so badly that they’ll never recover, killed some girl’s rabbit and hanged it from the rafters, and is a klepto. the kid literally meets the all childhood behavior indicators of a serial killer.

dumbledore in the meeting with riddle only displays concern for riddle and the other childrens’ well-being. he offers to help riddle and tells riddle that stealing/intimidating other students isn’t permitted at hogwarts. and he’s valid for pointing that out!! riddle admits to intimidating/stealing from the other kids. that’s something dumbledore kinda can’t let slide.

ppl cite dumbledore making a snide comment to harry about riddle wanting to be special as evidence he was out to get tom. current dumbledore made that comment as the result of knowing who tom riddle became. past dumbledore only vows to keep a close eye on him. present dumbledore even says he had no idea he’d just met wizard hitler. and past dumbledore’s not wrong for keeping an eye on riddle. also that’s common practice in the education system. when a child is noted to have behavioral issues (esp when those behaviors concern other students), admin will have a school counselor keep an eye on them or assign them a para. dumbledore also obv didn’t turn anyone against tom. everyone else loved him! so dumbledore’s watchful eye obv didn’t impact riddle’s school career really at all. all of the teachers believed he was a good role model student and he was even named head boy.

also even if, a teacher not liking or trusting you does not mean you get to become a neo-nazi. harry put up with snape’s bs and it didn’t lead to him declaring himself a “lord” and splitting his soul into pieces.

it was also the 1940s/30s and muggles did not have the psychological abilities/knowledge that we do today. wizards 1000% didn’t. if he’d been sent to a psychiatrist then, they just would’ve said some freudian bs about his mother and not actually helped with his problem of lack of empathy/guilt

the reason that riddle’s like that™️ is actually pretty understandable and makes sense psychologically. we know now (and actually by the 50s) that children who are starved of physical contact/emotional connection/and stability in early childhood can struggle to develop empathy, feel guilt, form connections, and that can lead to deviant immoral behavior. riddle grew up in an orphanage in the 40s during wwii with no familial connection. having abilities would make him feel “special” and better than the other orphans bc his abilities are the only thing he has going for him. add that to the above issues, and you’ve got someone that would abuse their powers for their own gain, especially to feel “special”. like tbh riddle’s prob not that different psychologically to like charles manson or jim jones (which is peak irony that a therapist in the muggle world could actually easily be able to explain his psyche while the wizarding world struggles)

my final point is this: dumbledore, while extremely flawed, isn’t the reason tom riddle became voldemort. if anything, slughorn and the old headmaster drove him to that end through their enabling far more than dumbledore did by keeping an eye on him. we even saw in riddle’s diary that “keeping an eye on him” consisted of dumbledore basically asking tom “you good?” when seeing him in the corridor. a behavior that reminds harry of dumbledore’s own interactions with him. and yeah eventually dumbledore called riddle out and was like “i heard you’re a fascist now” but that was after riddle had killed his own father, set a giant snake loose in the school, started calling himself “lord voldemort”, and started the wizard hitler youth

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

Dr. John Watson Propaganda:

He literally admits that he changes his stories. "One day the true stories may be told"? Do I need to say more?

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

[ja3yun]

okay i woke up an hour ago but GOD BE DAMNNED i won’t give you the best reactions or as much as i can of them BUT AH OKAY HERE WE GO

“All you get from Heeseung is knowing stares and a sly smile plastered on his face.” now me kinda needs evil!heeseung 🧌🧌🧌🧌 LIKE JUST IMAGINE man🫠 i shouldn’t imGine..

im gonna be so sad abt yn and jaeyun 😭 (ive been feeling emotional abt jake lately too and hearing well reading this makes me sad helpp but anyway jaeyun doll is mine)

naur ure so stupid yn 😭 what r u doing in his room

“His room is dull, his curtains remaining shut despite the summer weather outside. Come to think of it, you haven’t ever seen him sit out the front with the others, only ever being in their presence when he has to be.” A VAMPIRE ?

😥😥soonyeol barely in this fic and idk she gives me the ick is it bad lmaoo

🧌 now . angels and demons . ? I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING THAT SAYS BEYONCE U HAD ME FOOOOLEEED (im not disappointed i just thought u were inventing some new supernatural creature out there by how u were saying we were nothing of sort close)

HELP THE SUPERNATURAL REFERENCE SJSKDKSKS love that

JAEYUN AN ANGEL SO RIGHTT hes so 🥹😭🥹😭🥹 woah . let me get a grip (ill steal jaeyun doll)

“If Jaeyun was an evil spirit, that would have destroyed any perception you had of him,” that would’ve been fun 😭💀 HELP

wait . guardian angel . they feel a connection. jake was supposed to be her guardian angel . mystery solved.

SUNGHOON DEMON OMG OK “Honestly, you should have known, he fucks you like he was part of the incubus club” real ! we need more sunghoon!tdh now i have barely seen anything of that !! (jk)

WHAT TBE FUCK HEESEUNG THE THREATNING BROO GTFO

Heeseung flashing eyes ermm AJ did u write heeseung with crowley in mind 🤣

aw jay is a guardian angel too :( or was 🧌

wait but if hes a guardian angel why he called hell 😥 oh for fuck sake why is everything ABOUT THIS SONNY BITCH

(can i pls have a jaeyun!guardian angel fic now bc 🥲🥲 im deprived)

gorl. gIRL . GIRL . PRINce oF HELL NAUR BC I WAS KINDA CLOSE TO IT WHEN I ME TIONED CAIN 😭😭😭😭😭 BUT THATS A MF PRINCE OF HEAVEN BUT IN SUPERNATURAL HE WAS A MF PRINCE OF HELL I CANT I WANT TO DIE but holy fuck kskakdkekdnelxe

oh god yn how can u be horny when u found out all of this odlwlfkwlf

“Don’t you see it? How you took Soonyeol’s place so easily, falling into her role like you were born to be ours, like we were made for you.” i mean that was kinda the plot yn had to take over bc she was looking for someone to take care of yall its ur fault u guys got exposed 🕴️

“Are you going to fuck a Prince from Hell?” girl if he was heeseung me too get on with it !

NO BUT JAEYUN URE NOT RUINING JAEYUN FOR ME MF !!! i am so serious give me doll jaeyun rn wtf

"I am your God now." im sat 🧎🏻‍♀️

This might only be for tonight but he will try and make it last an eternity. oh🤣OH CMON lets just kill the sonny bitch

“I’d love to rip that soul from your body and stuff you in a doll suit so I can fuck you forever.” is this foreshadowing 🧌😥

“look at you baptising me” IM SORRY I SNORTED 😭😭😭😭

“Say the word and she's gone, baby," WELL PERSONALLY . im saying the word . please . please . please give me doll jaeyun

I KNEW IT JAKSKDLALD I KNEW IT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YN GUARDING DMKSCKLWKFLE JAEYUN SOULMATE SMSKSL i hope u know u implemented smth in my mind rn and im gonna expect a soulmate!jake epilogue or smth 🧌🥲

okay i love the ending but i still think we should kill the bitch and have yn go back !

ok seriously this was REALLY AMAZING SJSKD im so happy 😭😭😭😭 my jaeyun 😭😭😭😭 i was in a heeseung brainrot which quickly changed to jaeyun im so serious i need myself jaeyun doll will u give him to me plz 👉🏻👈🏻

OKAY AJ ! YOU OUTDID AGAIN !! im really serious when i say that this whole fic was really REALLY amazing !! 🙂‍↕️ i loved it and i don’t usually read like supernatural fics unless its a vampire one SO reading this was like a new door opening to me too 🧌

SKDKD ANYWAY SLAY ! jake endgame 🩷🩷🩷☺️☺️☺️🩷☺️ i love a jake endgame . please epilogue with jake!soulmate endgame 🫶🏻🩷🎀

soonyeol still giving you the ick 😭 i even tried to make her nice sjdhkashd

if i had the mental capacity, it would have written og demons or whatever but the research i was doing let me just tell you, there is a demon and angel for everything like literally everything so it was so difficult

when you mentioned cain it had me sweating! (also yes i was thinking about crowley bc you know thats my man and i love him 😘)

the amount of people that love the 'baptising me' dialogue is so funny bc i was wondering if it was too cringy but personally i find it hot idk

baby ilysm for enjoying this series with me! i can grant you the jake doll but you'll have competition so just be aware (i'll start manufacturing them) <3

[niicevibe]

How you meet and fall in love with aizen x female reader plz

Fluff

Ooh boy, I can't imagine this would be an easy thing to accomplish at all, but let's dive in. Jeez, this ran longer than I meant it to, though, but a build up to the fluff you asked for was totally necessary.

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: fem!reader requested, fluff (+ a sprinkling of angst near the end bc it's Aizen).

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: alcohol consumption, kidnapping(ish), Aizen-level manipulation turned semi-affectionate behaviour??? an a dash of unspoken obsession??? i have no idea what to call it, lmao.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.5k

izakaya → a japanese bar. haori → the white garb shinigami captains wear over the black shihakushō.

see sōsuke/reader headcanons here.

Sōsuke, being a man who's had his eyes wide open for quite a while now, probably would've been considering this as an option for his grand scheme of destroying the Soul Society. Sure, he has his Kyōka Suigetsu that already made him rather invincible to those who have seen its release. He doesn't need to go as far as finding a partner to help blind the entire Gotei from his plans, rather, he finds the idea of playing "house" amusing, it being likely that he hasn't bothered to pursue any kind of relationship out of a lack of interest... at the time.

Like I've mentioned before, Sōsuke would have only decided to pursue you if the right conditions have been met. I strongly believe in him being demi-romantic/demi-sexual, and for those who don't already know, being demi-romantic/demi-sexual means that someone only develops romantic feelings or only has strong sexual feelings for another person when they have a strong emotional connection to them. A bond has to exist.

As good an actor as he is, he wouldn't want to bother with the extra effort of it. He'd likely use that effort to find someone good enough to play his co-star. His and yours' ideals would have to align, and while Sōsuke's emotional range doesn't exactly involve direct romancing, there is a degree to which he would allow himself to cross-- for the sake of his plans, he'd tell himself. That established connection I spoke of would have to be strong for him to go through with it.

His searching is casually done, ear to the ground while he performs his duties as Captain and as he strategizes. He's put small feelers out, briefly mentioning in a forced conversation that he "wouldn't mind" finding a good woman to settle down with. And for a good amount of time, no one has managed to cross his path that interested him.

Ironically, it'd been a bit of tipsy mumbling that caught his attention.

A simple outdoor izakaya east of the Seireitei had been the location the voice had come from, complaints that eventually turn into sensical verbiages that has Sōsuke tuning into you. Why does the Soul Society do things one way and not the other? Why weren't we deployed there to save those Rukongans? Why did they have to die because we couldn't act on our own? Sōsuke can sense your heartache; it resonates with him all too well.

You're sitting all alone, no companion and no other guests around. Understandable; it is quite late now. He decides to approach you upon recognizing you as one of his higher ranked officers, sitting down in the stool next to yours where you slump into the table, tears streaming down your face and onto the wood.

Don't get confused by what happens next, now. Sōsuke isn't here to offer sympathy or comfort. He found someone who both has constraints against the Soul Society for its never-ending poor decision-making, and who is in a state of vulnerability. It only makes inserting himself your mind that much easier.

He'll pull the end of his haori into his fingers and reach for your face, lightly dabbing at your emotionally-heated cheeks until your eyes open, and they open wide. Perhaps you're too deep into the bottle of sake only inches from your head to fully register that it's Captain Aizen wiping your tears away, but when you address him as such, maybe not.

"... it's so unfair, Captain Aizen..." You sniff unapologetically loud. "This life is so unfair."

His stare down at you is lukewarm, while his thoughts sear his brain, telling him that you could be just what he's looking for.

"Hm... It is unfair, isn't it?"

Conveniently enough, the izakaya is meant to be closing, prompting its owner to inquire about Sōsuke's subordinate.

"She's one of yours, right, Captain? Mind seeing that she gets home? She's a good kid."

Perhaps it should be inconvenient that a Captain has to carry his Third Seat home from over his shoulder, but his mind races with the possibilities he now has by inserting him into your memories. Will you remember him? Or will your brain erase him by morning? Will he have to start from scratch? Remind you of his favour performed to you?

Apparently, come the next day, neither of those became necessary. At a time in the morning that you knew he'd be awake and decent, you arrived at the doors of his quarters holding a small, hastily wrapped package between trembling fingers. You hadn't lost your memory, no thanks to the dangerous amount of liquor you drank the night before. It'd all been in an effort to erase the day's memories, as you don't necessarily normally drink yourself into near unconsciousness. It simply was too much of a sight to bear weight for. Despite your rank and seasoned skills, well... No one should have to see what you did.

When the door opens, you flinch, prepared physically considering how fast you ran to the nearest shop to purchase the contents of the parcel you currently hold in a death grip, but mentally? You can feel the shame of your behaviour the night prior pooling beneath your tongue, and so, your begin to speak before he can.

"C-Captain Aizen! I'm here to apologize for last night! I'm... still in disbelief that you carried me home, but... my public display of intoxication, I swear, sir, that doesn't portray my character whatsoever. I-I'm not like that, I-I promise--"

"Good morning, Third Seat ______." You blink owlishly at him, once more in a shock that stops your heart when he interrupts you. "Calm down. I'm not upset with you. And, I didn't think for a moment that it reflected your professionalism."

Naturally, the moment Sōsuke returned to his quarters, he'd pulled up whatever information was available in your files to peruse the woman he'd chosen to pursue.

"Besides, I know of your accomplishments. I've heard the praises sung of you, _____."

Not a total lie. He has heard of his third seat's performance in regards to the reports delivered to him after your involvement in certain events. Reflecting on them through the evening only solidified the fib.

"O-Oh... what a relief, then." You exhale rather sharply before finally extending the package to your superior. "An apology gift, sir. It's just a simple tea set, but the tea paired with it is exquisite."

"A kind gesture, but this isn't necessary, _____. It was no trouble to assist you to your quarters. It was a mere coincidence that I'd been passing through in that direction."

You persist on him taking it, something that amuses him for a reason he can't place. He sees you won't take no for an answer, simply because the embarrassment you'd experienced upon recalling his hands on you has your insistence fuelling your exchange.

"Well... since you're so insistent on making things up to me, why don't you come in and brew us a pot of one of those "exquisite" teas you mentioned?"

Another won opportunity, Sōsuke muses to himself as you unravel the wrappings and set out the items with still shaking hands. He notes this; wonders if your nerves getting to you is due to a hidden authority complex, or if it's him in particular. He wouldn't mind it either way. Perhaps you're like his lieutenant in this way, but he hopes not. At the very least, you'd better have a fighting spirit for when the time comes.

Over tea, he insists on conversation, even pulling out a package of sweets for the two of you to share. You're nervous, and it shows, but Sōsuke does well to soften you out. Before long, the two of you chat like old friends, until your respective duties were due to interrupt it.

For a while, it remains like this, things like passing greetings and idle chatter when you make increased personal deliveries of reports to his office. There's always a fresh pot of tea awaiting your arrival, as if he'd expected you be the one to come until it became a true pattern; at the same times of those select days of the week, your presence became a part of the upholstery to his office, his quarters.

Even if it'd meant filling your day to the brim with little time to rest, you could barely find it in you to mind. The man you've known as "Captain" for a forgotten number of years by this is the same man whose mild mannerisms and soft-spoken concerns, whose sense of duty and a sense of when and how to settle down after a taxing day, and whose apparent interest in you no longer seems to tiptoe on the line of subordinate and superior. Your desire to admit your own fallacy is no more easily ignorable than an oncoming horde of Adjuchas. And while you are surprised that Sōsuke is the one to say the words first, to suggest that the two of you address the unnamed emotional attention between you, well naturally, it doesn't faze him one bit.

It went all according to his plans, after all. So why would finally having you dancing in his palm surprise him? No, that isn't what gets him at all. It the fact that he enjoys playing this small game of house with you. The domestication, the comforts, the eased worries, and not just through you being his third seat or by you helping to solidify his act of being one of the kindest captains in the Gotei Thirteen. There's something different that he has trouble articulating. Because never in his time in the Soul Society has he attempted to search out a person to love when it served him no true purpose.

But he enjoys the doting, the coddling, even the light chastising when he's caught lightly teasing his lieutenant. He enjoys your willingness to listen, hearing him out when he finally tests the waters and speaking on what you'd been drunkenly mumbling about the night he came across you at that izakaya. Why the Soul Society behaves the way it does, about the Soul King's existence, about the Royal Guard, none of which you'd been privy to until that moment... And with a deep discussion, you come to conclude that maybe this place isn't the paradise you were promised after death. That maybe, something needs to be done.

He wouldn't involve you on the plans that he, Gin, and Tōsen have laid out. It's hard to decide whether "trust" is the right word to use, but Sōsuke teeters on that lip of whether he would trust you enough to ever involve you in them. So far, things have only been spoken on in theory.

And so, on the day that Garganta split across the highest point in the sky above the Seireitei, he'd managed to split your mind. He'd kept you in the dark, kept you privy to what you didn't need to know, apparently. With so much having gone on already during the Ryōka Invasion, like Sōsuke's apparent death and him leaving you behind so abruptly in order to suit those plans he'd only theorized and shared with you, witnessing his lies unfold with his hand plunged through the Kuchiki girl's chest... so many thoughts and questions running through your head... yet despite the emergence of such a desperate, new situation...

... wondering whether he ever even cared for you became the biggest, most enraging one of them all. And whether he'll bother to answer to it or not, somehow, he still makes that one drastic decision that makes you float within that golden light, higher in the air, despite your weak, embarrassed protesting.

Because on the day you brought over that quaint little tea set as a means of asking for forgiveness, and partook in a cup of morning tea with your captain that led you into daring to imagining domesticity with him, abduction and betrayals weren't what you envisioned for your future. But he's always been an insect of a man with many plans, and you simply became trapped within the web of them.

While having a true, genuine connection to Sōsuke might seem impossible, don't sell yourself short. You've been with him long enough that he's seen merit in keeping you around, not simply as a mask, and not only during the time of his act while still in the Soul Society. Even post abduction to Hueco Mundo, he finds it difficult to understand he took those actions in the first place. Why did he bring you after all? Did he, perhaps, play that character too well, that now he's left with an unnatural attachment to you?

Sōsuke isn't someone who makes mistakes. It's why he's gotten away with doing so much over the past 100+ years. It's how he managed to fool you... and apparently, himself. Now, he always has you close by, while you do your best to make the best of a scary situation. It isn't that you've fallen out of love with Sōsuke Aizen-- not at all. Having spent so many years with him, you know it's simply impossible. And while you can't condone all that he's done, you're able to at least detach yourself from the truth of it. He's given you many other reasons to love him, after all.

On the sidelines during meetings with his ten Espada, you'll stand either near the wall (preferably) or near him (to be protected by his reiatsu against all the others' reiatsu). The space you share with him in his tower is comfortable... mostly empty and minimalist, but comfortable. You certainly could do without those two helpers who stare their daggers into your back (and who would just love to drive their weapons into it, too), but you know that you're covered there.

A lot of his attention goes on you. He's sure of your bitterness, and while he finds that your rage is an extremely attractive emotion on you, he does well in quelling it.

The Sōsuke you fell in love with in the Soul Society and the Sōsuke you play house with in Las Noches... two very different people. While in his guise, Sōsuke was a patient lover. In fact, he would've tiptoed around you to make sure he didn't push anything too far with you, simply to keep that mask up. You never admitted to him that it bothered you, but since the act is up, you thought to be honest with him about your feelings. All of them. Even the dark and downright hateful ones you have for him abducting you from your home.

This Las Noches Sōsuke shows no holds barred. Everything of him is laid on the table and most days, it's more than you can handle. Being so unfamiliar with the premise of it, Sōsuke doesn't know if he can truly name the emotions he feels for you as "love". But at the very least, he can admit to himself that if you hadn't been here with him, he would be different.

(that's it, that's all I've got for this crazy, crazy man 😮‍💨)

[disperceptionalism]

I am clearly not the level of Fandom that I once was bc I like the bear and I wanted to see some deep dives into character arcs but all I can find is ppl wanting to fuck carmy. i get it but this man is traumatized and not in the cute way. like is this a joke he couldn't commit to the one relationship handed to him on a platter and talked to and about her like she was his therapist. he very well mightve been a virgin before meeting Claire, and based on his backstory and the way he talks about committing to a relationship with her makes me think that he never even had a girlfriend before her. this man doesn't fuck. I'll give you that he looks like he has the potential to fuck, but Carmen Berzatto does not currently "fuck". others advertised this as the "hot linecook" TV show but what I watched was a traumatized introverted man who had set off out of school with the singular vision of becoming a chef, focused exclusively on success, and then his brother killed himself. like we start there.

please oh my god he is screaming for help and his trauma can't be fucked away. I have so many thoughts about Sydney and Carmen's relationship and how so deeply neither of them is ready for any sort of romance in that way.

starting with Sydney, she wouldn't even tell Carmen that her mom was dead until months into knowing him, when the Bear was nearlt open, even though he did try to gently prompt information from her. She avoids anything to do with a deep and serious emotion, her passion is singular and focused, much like Carmy was when he was at Noma and the French Laundry. When she said "that's a little too personal" when Carmy started opening up about his trauma, she brushed it off like a joke but it seemed like she made that joke to deflect from anything personal. she is avoidant and her respect of Carmy is purely artistic at that point. She just so happened to intersect with Carmen during one of the least focused moments of his life. She wanted to meet the Carmen who worked at Noma, even though he was absolutely going through it then, she doesn't get that version.

She also sticks her nose in places where it doesn't belong, has a sense of slight sense of superiority to overcompensate for a crippling performance anxiety, analytical, detached, impatient, yet also freely giving of praise when it's due. Make no mistake, the Bear is Sydneys, Carmen is only in this on the level of reanimating a corpse, Sydney is the soul breathing into it.

Now Carmen is sweet by nature but hard due to circumstance. Hard because of his upbringing, his drive. He desperately seeks approval from those he loves and can't stand to ask for help. the way he talks about Claire makes me feel like she's his first girlfriend ever. He was too busy on the grind to stop for a moment and let that sort of tenderness in. he's not used to it. which is why he sort of leans on her for emotional support instead of actually really getting to know her and connect with her on that level. She's a figurehead, an anywoman, someone who loves him and that's enough for her.

I think from the moment that Sydney mentioned the veal fat, Carmen had a deep respect for her. He really begins to see her as an equal because what the fuck it took Luca an entire year to figure it out, and Carmen hadn't figured it out at that point. she knew it off the top of her head. He hired her because of her business skills but he entrusted her because of his need to emotionally lean on people. when he left to go to that AL anon meeting, he was leaning in her in a more distant way that he will eventually do with Claire. And after he's shut down by Sydney as he starts opening up, he still leans on Sydney to shoulder a lot of his pain.

Carmen just shocks Nat by saying jarring shit about his trauma about how he almost burned down his apartment and how he used to throw up before work every day, and that's how he leans on her. By dumping that shit on Nats lap, in a casual cry for help. He needs help, he has needed help his entire life and Sydney comes in, proves herself to be his equal, and he respects her as an artist. He literally doesn't know how to interpret that feeling in himself if it did translate into romance.

the last thing these characters need to do is fuck. if they have a deep emotional conversation where Carmen is stable enough to allow Sydney the space to feel comfortable with sharing some of her deep personal feelings, like where he can actually shoulder some of that for her, then both characters will have healed enough to entertain the potential of considering Any kind of romantic relationship, let alone one with each other.

they are so career driven that they don't have the eye for anything else, they wouldn't know to consider something like that. so if they do end up together, they would be absolutely floored with the realization of their emotions, it would blindside them and potentially derail them if it's not reciprocated. and my bet is that Carmy falls first. Hard. for the wrong reasons. tries to get Sydney to shoulder not only the responsibility of the bear but also the responsibility of his emotions.

and I think that he'll make her co-owner, but only once their debt has cleared so she doesn't compound her already existing debt

I have so many more thoughts on this I'll get back to you

[kithtaehyung]

RYEN u really wanted to break my heart huh,, u wanted me to feel soul crushing sadness from this interlude didn't u. it's a double edged sword getting into yoongi's head bc i know i def wanted to see what he was thinking and how he feels about/around reader and what went down at basketball but poor baby :(

it's so upsetting that he thinks so poorly of himself and that he feels like he isn't enough ,, he puts so much thought into how reader must have been treated badly in the past and recognizes when she starts feeling off because of it but then turns it on himself saying he should do better :( like BABE ?? who hurt him in the past i'm so ready to fight for him he's doing his absolute best like GOD when he's thinking about his GUITAR. no. i'm stopping that right here. it doesn't exist in my brain i just erased it i can't take it. someone give him head scratches rn lay him down and treat him gently for a minute he's so. GOD RYEN i'm actually going to cry thinking about it i'm moving on LMAO

i'm really excited to go back and reread this side by side with all the other pars because getting to see both perspectives and compare how reader and yoongi were feeling/thinkng,,, they're so similar fr. i wish they could see that they're both MORE than good enough for each other and that they're both feeling the same way </3 me telepathically communicating that to them rn it'll get through eventually don't worry i got this !!

but seriously, from what i can remember from my (v recent hehe) reread,, everything ties in so well and adding that extra Flavor and Depth to the scenes UGH i love it here, seriously. i don't think i've ever felt such a strong emotional connection to a published book, let alone a fanfic?? and i'm a bitch who ANNOTATES books, ryen. highlighters, sticky tabs, notes in margins. there's just something about your writing and the way you weave everything together and build on top of the past things you've written that hits just right. it all feels so relatable and real it's DELICIOUS.

i loved seeing the friendship between jimin and yoongi !! i wish yoongi would LISTEN TO HIM tho fr,, reader is so into you AND YOU'RE SO HAPPY WITH HER LIKE ?? i get that bro (did i officially announce myself as team namjoon is bro bc yes) finding out is something that he's worried about, and i get that fr. bro has been there to watch all of yoongi's mistakes, it makes sense that bro would be concerned and maybe even upset, especially about them keeping it a secret for so long but like,, bro even dom admitted that yoongi was different with her. i rlly think he would come around after he saw them together bc god they just,, they both are just so good to each other and they care so much for each other </3 heart hurty

anyways here take the lines that i would highlight tf out of if this was anywhere that i could do that lol

"Just this once. Let him be the only one that worries." OUCHIES

“I did what I thought you would do.” yes yoongi would in fact go to the ends of the earth to make sure she was safe thank you for pointing that out and hurting me jimin .

“What are you gonna do once you stop?” um hahaha who said there had to be an end ahahahahahaha nooooo ahaha stop jimin ahaha dw i'll distract bro for the rest of forever he will simply not find out !!!

"What the fuck are you doing to him?  If you came up to him right now? He’d give you anything you wanted. All you’d have to do is say it." i am punching a wall right now btw :-) "Once a space that saw many destructive arguments and silent, unfinished meals, your appearance started giving it new life. New energy. Energy that he can physically feel as he passes it on the way to his room." i can't take this one actually "Lips at your temple, he vows, “That won’t happen again, love.” okay so this was a personal attack and i can't accept this i want to get you back for this so bad i am crying i can't take this this is kind of like embarrassingly long and if i tell u i've reread this 2.5 times already you WILL pretend it's been longer than a day. ig i could copy paste this into the feedback form but <3 it's already here so i will apologize for the wall of text . i did indeed get carried away but such is life -loona anon (should have a character limit fr)

LOONA ISTG THIS REVIEW IS DAMN DELICIOUS. apologies for not getting to it sooner! i needed the right amount of energy to respond bc holy hell you typed so much and i appreciate it sm :')) did i wanna break hearts? yes and no. i didn't wanna write yoongi's inner thoughts like that, but that's what they were. so i didn't wanna disrespect his character by writing it lightly. rest under the cut bc i have an essay lol

you're right. it's completely upsetting to know this is how he thinks of himself. whatever happened before seemed to really stick with him, to the point where he doesn't even give himself credit for anything good - only the bad (like being the reason the threat was made, etc.) when he's thinking about the guitar? i wanted to cry and i did tear up a lot. so. yeah. i understand if you cry while thinking about that bc i know i did. especially considering the song he played for reader in dalo.

OOOH yes!! they were actually meant to be read side by side if you have the time/resources to try it. i had to make sure they lined up well, despite their thought flows being different. i hope your telepathy works! the flavor worked? i'm glad.

oh my gosh.. a strong emotional connection to something i've created? that is one of the highest compliments i could ever receive, truly. maybe it can be printed someday so you can annotate it and keep it forever! i would love to hear commentary like that. i'm glad it's all woven together in a coherent way. i'm having so much fun and i hope you continue to enjoy the rest!

JIMIN AND YOONGI MY BOYSSSSSS UGH. i love them so fcking much it is absurd. (putting you on team joonie!) i know we all see that reader and yoongi have huge chemistry and care between each other, and the people that are around them enough can see it. but the thing with bro is that he's not actively looking for that. all he sees is his best friend and his sister, and they've had banter between each other ever since the old days. coupled with the fact that he's been gone and is thinking about so many other things. i just think it would be one of the last things on his mind, whereas people like dom and jimin can see the slipping bc yoongi and reader act different without bro around.

now for your annotation worthy lines:

"Just this once. Let him be the only one that worries." YEAH THIS ONE BROKE ME.

“I did what I thought you would do.” oh god... yeah. you picked the hard hitters, didn't you.

“What are you gonna do once you stop?” REALITY IS A BIIIIICH

"What the fuck are you doing to him?  If you came up to him right now? He’d give you anything you wanted. All you’d have to do is say it." i am punching a wall right now btw :-)

"Once a space that saw many destructive arguments and silent, unfinished meals, your appearance started giving it new life. New energy. Energy that he can physically feel as he passes it on the way to his room." you know what they say about unfinished meals in literature...

"Lips at your temple, he vows, “That won’t happen again, love.” HE SAID IT AGAIN. HE DID. THE SECOND TIME AND ITS WHEN READER IS ASLEEP dklfjdkvj

thank you so much for all of this, love. i thoroughly enjoyed it all and read it a shameful amount of times before finally putting this hopefully coherent response together. seriously, thank you!

[night-faye]

(I'm sure it has no connection flashes of the rest of the crew having their souls be glowy colors, and those same colors squiggling over their eyes in those flashes.) Oh, that one might actually be a stylistic choice. Since they never explicitly say it, I'll just come out and say we've basically established the fact that the blind eye we saw earlier was the result of Wukong killing him ^_^ as you may know, happened in JTTW and apparently carried over into the show. Someone tried to really eagle eye this and said Mac only keeps people on his non-blind side, except MK that one time or so. Lmao, that was also the line that rapidly pushed Macky into meow meow territory for me bc villains don't just say something like that so bluntly in shows I've watched! And then with the way this episode ended? Oh, you are in for a TREAT. A terrible treat, but I'll be absolutely ecstatic to watch you fall apart and I WILL be making it worse for you. Fluffy and I have torn this Monkey's dialogue and behavior to pieces. Gotta love traumatic flashbacks :) :) :) he always seems so put together and chill...hm, surely that won't become super annoying and also painful later on. If you take a sip of water every time Macky gets triggered or traumatized in this show, you're going to be SO hydrated. Also recall his intro, "The Hero and the Warrior were like the sun and the moon" he says, while debuting DURING AN ECLIPSE. The cinema in this monkey.

All of this is so so so fascinating hohohohoho "Oh, you are in for a TREAT. A terrible treat, but I'll be absolutely ecstatic to watch you fall apart and I WILL be making it worse for you"

I hope you know I am licking my goddamn CHOPS at the idea of how much good delicious angsty food this monkey and you guys are going to give me

My friend botanicallyinclinednerd (Who I will not be tagging in this answer because they're behind me on watching) will tell you I am very often taking the tiniest of things that don't even appear to be angsty even five layers down and turning them into an emotional wrecking ball. So you and fluffy should both probably prepare yourselves as well for when I'm finished because I will be going as deep as possible on this show and especially this monkey (If I had a nickle for everytime my favorite characters had shadow motifs I'd have so many nickles goddamn) (If I had a nickle for every time there was a villain with an eye motif tied to the hero that they used to be friends with and are now bitter at and feel like they were in the shadow of said hero. i'd have MORE THAN YOU WOULD THINK)

[creativemorningsvancouver]

We are excited to invite Francis Arevalo as our speaker for January.

Please join us.

January’s global theme is ‘SANCTUARY’ and we are excited to invite Filipino-Canadian Francis Arevalo, an artist, producer, founder and manager at UWIDO, and mental health advocate.

A multi-hyphenate from Vancouver, Arevalo’s work in the music industry is informed by his previous work as Music Program Coordinator at Creative BC and Board Director at Music BC. As a hip-hop artist, Francis writes to uplift, inspire, and energize himself and his communities. He is known for his personal storytelling, thoughtful messages, and colourful production.Arevalo’s production highlights include co-producing Desirée Dawson’s JUNO-nominated EP Meet You At The Light (2021), producing and co-writing Mikey Jose’s Wait (2020), and his own artist catalogue. Francis released the Threes & Frees EP in November 2022, as a teaser for his upcoming debut album HEATCHECK! for release April 27 2023.

We asked Francis a handful of probing questions to give us a deeper glimpse into their life and relationship with creativity:

How do you define creativity and apply it in your life and career? I find creativity to be nebulous and hard to define. For me, creativity arises from the intersection of imagination, expression, problem-solving, play, work, experience, environment, evolution and liberation. It connects the space between my personal and the collective, what’s inside me with what’s beyond me. Where do you find your best creative inspiration or energy? I don’t believe there is such a thing as “best” creative inspiration or energy, because I don’t put ideas into a hierarchy or relate to them in a binary good or bad. There are just ideas, and circumstance and personal/collective need determine the usefulness, appropriateness, and potential of them. I can more easily think of circumstances in which I most reliably receive or come up with novel ideas or progress on something I’m thinking about: long walks, most often and ideally just before sunrise. There is something powerful for me in that space in the morning before the day becomes a day and the rest of the world starts needing things from me. The early morning is my time for me and my ideas, feelings, wants, and turmoils to have the space to be full. Physical movement the mental, emotional and spiritual movement. Timing my walk to end just after sunrise gives me a sense that I’ve made progress and I almost always end up somewhere new with an idea that I wouldn’t have gotten to otherwise.

What’s one piece of creative advice or a tip you wish you’d known as a young person? Learn how much sleep you need to feel well. As someone living with bipolar disorder, I have a complicated relationship between sleep and creativity, but overall, I wish I slept more when I was younger. It takes a certain capacity for me to properly cultivate my ideas, and I need to be rested to do that work.

Who (living or dead) would you most enjoy hearing speak at CreativeMornings? My creative peers who don’t often speak or present about their works in this way.

This month’s live musical guest is Bella Roces. Born Isabella Boquist, Bella Roces comes from a Filipino-indo and Scandinavian background. Bella released her first single in 2018, “You’re Confusing”. Since then, Bella has performed in various shows and venues throughout Vancouver, including The Railway club, Fortune sound club, the Juice Truck and more. For her soft spoken soul, singing and song writing became a way for Bella to express herself. Growing up, she was influenced by her parents love for R&B and alternative indie. Bella’s smooth vocals mixed with her authentic, vulnerable, song writing that connects across generations. Please join us.

[demlunzel]

“RADIODUST MAKES NO SENSE! BESIDES AL IS ACE”

Many people who ship radiodust happen to be ace, aro, or both (Including myself as I’m ace). Acearo has a spectrum. There are sex favorable and sex repulsed if u wanna be more generic. For sex favorables, it is often the mental and emotional experience that is most important in terms of attraction. Sex itself is not appealing to us. There are acearo sex workers as well, because as the position implies, it is a job, a performance, a persona. Not actual attraction. Ergo not only can Alastor be shipped with Angel, but Angel themselves can be ace too (Headcanoned obviously). He is under a soul contract after all and likely signed it due to the fact he has no other means of survival.

Angel is usually under some sort of high or intoxicated in some manner. This plus Valentino’s emotional manipulation/abuse and physical abuse and rape, adds onto the fact that none of this is via Angel’s consent. At best sex and drugs are a numb distraction. In the comic, we see a box of toys Angel has. At first, it is labeled “For fun” with a heart. It’s then crossed out and relabeled as Work shit. He’s reaching his breaking point and that distraction isn’t working anymore.

This is only further proved in Addict

If Angel did crave a relationship or ever got into a serious one, his sexual needs wouldn’t be as intense as people portray. He’s had enough of just sex. He wants actual love.

Which by the way

Aroace is, as mentioned before, a spectrum. One can be demisexual and demiromantic and still be considered aroace. This also goes for angled aroaces, who usually only feel attraction once or twice in their life

If Alastor were ever to gain a serious emotional connection with anyone, that would be his main focus. Alastor is one of the few demons in hell that doesn’t want Angel for his body. It’s likely extremely refreshing for Angel, bc then he knows that Alastor’s intentions should they get together, would never be to use him like that.

And in Alastor’s case

Most demons usually view him in three ways;

Someone that should be feared and avoided

Someone that should be feared and treated aggressively as he is a threat

Or, someone with great power and can be used if on his good side

Angel views him in none of those ways.

He never treated him aggressively, nor did he run from him. And he isn’t the type to get involved in more overlord drama

Another thing that bothers me is that people sometimes portray Angel as pushy to get Alastor in bed. Which is just not in character. Out of everyone, Angel knows what it’s like to be forced into sexual situations without one’s consent. And he and Alastor both have a moral code. A fucked up one, but a moral code nonetheless.

During their first meeting, Angel had no way of knowing Alastor wasn’t into that sorta shit, as he just learned about his existence (Likely from constantly being high and drunk all the time since with knowing Vox he should’ve heard Alastor’s name mentioned at some point). Once Alastor turned him down Angel didn’t make any sort of pushy comment or sexual action towards him afterwards. He simply brushed it off saying “Your loss”.

As for personality, despite the two appearing extremely different, they have several similarities as well that balance things out. Both are mischievous, witty, quick mouthed, and would often banter as proved in the hunicast streams. (The VAs may not have them completely accurate, but they have a better understanding of the characters as they are the ones performing as them)

Both Alastor and Angel also lived within the same era. The 20s if you wish to be specific. Alastor died in 1933 whereas Angel died in 1947. It wouldn’t be surprising if Angel himself would listen to the radio quite a bit while alive. Not to mention, music tastes (While still extremely different) could overlap.

And while this is hardly any solid means of evidence, while I was studying Alastor’s heritage (Creole) and voodoo, I stumbled across this

“The spirit of beauty, jewelry, dancing, luxury and flowers”

“She represents the epitome of femininity and compassion”

“Her colors are white and pink”

“Sometimes referred to as angel”

So yeah. There’s that.

While I’m aware they won’t be canon, the dynamic this has along with the character development is too appealing to ignore and I’m tired of ppl shitting on Radiodust as an excuse as to why they just don’t ship it. You don’t have to hate a ship in order to not ship it. Just respect others.

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

Apollo/Lester Propaganda:

Bro thinks everyone is in love with him and only waiting for him to ask, to do anything he wants, but no one actually cares about him <3 He learns through the books, though

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

[nemeseos-noctua]

God I love your work so much?? You guys are amazing .

Can I request how Albedo, Xiao and Diluc react to their s/o pushing them away in attempt to keep them safe from danger? (Eg they may be the traveller who is connected with the fatui and the abyss aand therefore fears for their s/o's safety.

Tysm!! I love your guys' writing style. requesting this specifically bc it's not fair Xiao gets to be to edgy one all the time in the fics🙄 how does it feel to get pushes away now loverboy? (/j!! I love him just thought this prompt would be a neat inversion).

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: albedo, xiao, diluc (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: not proofread, blood, mentions albedos story (spoilers), xiao story spoilers, reader is not traveler

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: hehe tysm!! ALSO 100% haha i LOVEEE xiao but yk he be a lil stingy when it comes to safety! i want to tuck him in and tell him it’ll be alright 😔😔

during your travels across teyvat, you have encountered far more fatui and abyss mages than you’d care to count

and some of which— had some, err, not so kind grudges against you

these grudges were so serious that you began to worry for albedo’s safety. you personally did not care for blood staining your hands nor soul—but if that blood was albedo’s... oh boy

so, coming to a conclusion... you decided on the inevitable: keep albedo at arm’s length—for your heart and his

and, it worked. for a month, it worked. your visits to his camp in dragonspine lessened, your chaste kisses and morning voice left his life like... regrettably, his master

Staring up at the whirling winds of Dragonspine, Albedo’s teal eyes trailed over the ice, wishing to see a familiar silhouette among its blizzard.

He had been counting. It has been five days, two minutes, and 54 seconds since you last visited him—

Hah, just kidding. He didn’t count—but it has been five days.

Where were you? Maybe you were busy—the alchemist knew you had a life outside of—well, him. 

It was unfair of him to be impatient, for you had been nothing short of patient towards him. But still, his heart longs and yearns for your touches, his head feels cold without your fingers twisting through his silky blonde hair. 

Dragonspine was cold, but without you, it was colder.

he’d eventually head back down to mondstadt, solely for the purpose of finding you

his mind got the best of him as he spiraled into a brief insanity. maybe he did something to make you mad? maybe you were injured, recovering without his aid? so many questions spinning around his head he almost missed the sight of your [e/c] eyes

“[Y/N]—“ Albedo’s voice cut through the crowds of Mondstadt as the alchemist rushed forward. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, desperation taking over him as he reached a hand out for you.

“Albedo...?” You stopped in your tracks, taking in the sight of your boyfriend’s unruly hair and tired eyes. His lips were still purple—as if he had come back down from Dragonspine recently.

“Where were you?” The alchemist asked, his gloved hand wrapped around your wrist delicately, his eyes scanning all over you as to check whether you were injured or not.

“Ah... I was—adventuring,” You sweatdropped, the coldness of his gloves stinging your wrist, your eyes wide at how cold he was.

he doesn’t believe you—hah. of course he doesn’t, albedo is a genius in fields he wishes to study

he knows you too well to fall for your mindless responses or excuses, he knows your eyes too well to succumb to the smile on your lips or kindness in your touch

he knows, he knows he knows he knows—so why? what are you hiding? why are you hiding? from him of all people?

everyone has secrets—albedo is aware, for he has his own share. but please, can’t you spare his heart? just this once?

“Tell me the truth, [Y/N],” Albedo asked—no, begged. He wanted to know what kept you so far from his reach, what stopped you from visiting him or loving him or just being with him. Was he the problem? Was this the end of your love?

“I...” You looked away, tugging the alchemist against the current of the crowds, seeking an area for just the two of you.

And once you found it, you pulled the blonde into a hug. The coldness of his coat didn’t faze you, nor did the way his eyes widened or the way his arms hesitantly wrapped back around you.

“I don’t want someone like you to get involved with me, Albedo. You’re...” You looked away, your face still buried into the alchemist’s shoulder. 

“... A weakness. You’re a weakness that’ll be used against me.”

albedo is in utter disbelief

he—you—what?!

he’s... your weakness?

albedo doesn’t know whether to be flattered or hurt. he knows you have a dangerous job, he knows about the amount of letters you receive threatening him or you, he knows what you’re doing is for the better...

but—he cannot allow it. he wants to hold you without regrets, he wants to kiss you and eat lunch with you at good hunter...

“[Y/N],” Albedo breathed, cupping your cheeks in the palm of his hands as he stared violently into your eyes. Gaze softening, he couldn’t bring it in himself to scold you for all the worries you brought him to.

“I promise you—that even if Fatui and Abyss Mages disrupt my alchemy, I promise that I want to get involved with you—I, I want to be with you.”

His heart, it wants so much, it wants to have you, it wants to love you.

So please—won’t you let him do that? 

xiao also has many people out for his throat

well, i suppose... the difference between those ‘people’ and your ‘people’ is the fact that xiao’s debts are owed to the dead

the whispers, the screams, the agony. it plagues every part of his mind, like a melody with no beat, like an endless tune that he will hear for the rest of time

and you—you’re like, the charm. the ward and sigil that scares away all of those demons. you’re the sunshine that seeps through the cracks of caves

and now... you’re drifting. like a ship at sea, he wonders... will you be back?

regrettably—you think—maybe, maybe... you won’t return

What is this? The third week Xiao has sat atop the roof of Wangshu Inn? Hoping mindlessly to hear your steps up the staircase?

Hah. Is this who he has become? An adeptus who waits for a mortal like you to come, an adeptus who should be defending Liyue, and yet, here he is.

he’s a bit... put off

like. who are you to make him feel this way, mortal? (derogatory) 

he doesn’t want to admit it... but... he misses you. there! he said it. he misses you. now can you come back, please?

he knows, he knows he is not the best lover... that he is blunt, enigmatic, and sometimes... rude. but— but you, you accept him for that

and he ponders atop the roof of wangshu inn—perhaps, was this ignoring scheme long overdue? have you finally grown tired of him and all of his karma? have you found someone better—someone you can love you, hold you, and care for you like you deserve?

he hopes—the answer is no

but he knows... the answer is probably yes

“Oh, [Y/N]! You’re back!” Verr Goldet’s hushed voice ran through the adeptus mind as his form shot up almost instantly. Staring down from his position on the roof, his yellow eyes stared over at your familiar form, your [e/c] eyes and vision that dangled from your hip.

“Haha, sorry about that.” 

You smiled, but Xiao didn’t miss the way you winced upon doing so. Your arms and legs were wrapped with bandages, dried splotches of red and clothing as messy as could be.

“Your room is upstairs, sleep well,” Verr Goldet nodded knowingly, a bittersweet grin on her face as her mind flickered to the thought of Xiao and his shortening temper.

once you step out onto the balcony, you do not need to look to see who has appeared beside you

“Hello, Xiao!” You say openly, arms outstretched for a hug as the adeptus merely stared at you. Three weeks. Three weeks without you, three weeks too many—and here you were, opening your arms like you had just returned back from an hour long trip.

“ . . . “ Staying silent, Xiao could only cross his arms, glaring at you with mixed emotions. He was relieved to see you back and ‘happy’, but still, he was frustrated and irritated at the way you behaved so recklessly.

“You owe me an expla—“

“—nation,” You finished for the male, an exasperated smile gracing your features as you turned over to the balcony, the setting moon and proud stars soaring like the birds of Mondstadt.

“I was... dealing with some encounters,” Your tone was laced with a malice even he wasn’t expecting, the number of bandages scouring your skin finally making sense as his eyes narrowed into slits.

“Fatui? Tell me where they are, I wi—“

“No.”

Turning over to him fully, Xiao’s breath hitched. Ugh, again—you and your pretty smile and charming features. The simplest things you do made him go insane like the karmic debts that flourished through his mind.

“You can’t get involved, Xiao. They will only go after you. I returned here today to tell you that I’ll be going off for three month—“

“What?” The Yaksha breathed in disbelief. Did he hear right? Were you seriously leaving again?! 

“I said, I am leaving again... Xiao. It’s not you—Celestia no... it’d never be you. It’s just...” You looked around, to anywhere, anyone but him. If you glanced at him now, chances are you’d succumb to his sunny eyes and stay back at Wangshu Inn. 

“... The Fatui. I got on their wanted list and—I don’t want them to use you against me. So I’ll go out and get rid of them, and I’ll be ba—“

“No.”

It was his turn to decline, for he didn’t want to hear anything you had to say. You got on the Fatui’s wanted list?! What?! He...

He was going to kill them. 

“Do you think I am weak, [Y/N]? Eons of slaughter and—“ 

“Xiao!” You facepalmed, raising your voice slightly at the male as he blinked, taken aback that you, a mortal would ever thing of committing such a heinous crime towards a divine being like him.

“You’re not weak! It’s just... I’m weak. And if they find you, they could just threaten me with everything they’d do to you! Even if nothing happened at all...” Your voice died down, your heart hammering against your chest as Xiao’s eyes softened.

Xiao was—speechless. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. Nobody had ever thought of him so kindly before, neither have they ever treated him as something other than a weapon of war.

So, he vowed. Like the night Rex Lapis found him all those millennia ago, like the night he broke free from the chains of manipulation—he vowed, time and time again—

“I will protect you, [Y/N]. For there is no need to protect me.”

[internal screaming]

diluc, of all people, no longer is afraid of ‘grudges’ or ‘debts’ owed to the fatui or abyss order. he dances with evil, masquerading each night for his life

and now, the only light in his world full of darkness, the only fire in the cold icy winds...

left

you left. you left with a little note saying you’d be back in what—five months?

a part of him was... shocked. it was surprised at how abrupt it was. one moment, the two of you were laying in bed, cradling each others’ forms. and the next? you were gone

the other part of him was... worried. did you want to leave him? what was this about? did you owe debt to the fatui? you could’ve told him, he would’ve payed for it all in a heartbeat

but diluc of mondstadt—hah, he was not known for stepping down so easily. so until he figures out why you left so suddenly, he is not stopping his search for the truth

and once he so happens to run into lumine and asks the traveler where you’ve been—he’s shocked

at first, he thinks lumine must me mistaken. what? what do you mean “[y/n] is heading out to fight the abyss herald”, you’re kidding... haha...

(lumine swore she saw her life flash before her eyes when diluc wrapped his head around the news)

diluc feels a bit... guilty. he feels guilty that he didn’t know sooner, he feels guilty that the abyss order is bothering you like how it bothers him, he feels guilty for everything

Wiping some blood that spilled from the corner of your mouth, you grimaced at the metallic taste. 

What was it? Err... day five? This was the first Abyss Herald you have encountered so far, and you could only assume it was the first of many.

Standing up, you sheathed your weapon. Your vision glowed brightly in the darkness of the ruins, the moon illuminating the way out as you sighed, pulling yourself across the stone cold floor.

As you trudged outside and into the moonlight, a twig cracked under a foot that wasn’t yours, prompting you to reach out and materialize your weapon, charging it with power from your vision.

“Who?”

Stepping out from the trees, your eyes widened at a sight you hadn’t expected to see—at least, expected to see this soon.

“Diluc?” You breathed, heaving a sigh of relief as the male took no notice to your words, instead, his vermilion eyes traced over your battered form, his eyes worrying even more with each glance he spared.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, rushing up to you as he pulled out some bandages, wrapping them around your wounds so he could get you back to the winery.

pushing yourself away from his grasp, diluc watched in hurt as you kept him away from your figure

“i couldn’t—i didn’t want you to get involved,” you mumbled guiltily, looking away from the male as his eyes seemed to berate you silently

“me involved? what do you mean?” diluc asks in disbelief. he of all people should be the one telling you that

“the abyss. i got in a tumble with them and now they’re after my blood,” you murmured, only causing diluc’s heart to pound even louder in his chest, his brain flickering to unpleasant memories as he rushed up to you, securely placing his hands on your shoulders

He’s... speechless. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He’s usually the one keeping people at arms-length—yet here you were, stealing his lines and his worries.

“I...” Diluc paused, trying to form words, and yet, nothing came to mind.

“...”

Silence. It filled the ambience and your hearts, yet, it was not the same silence in the abyss, nor was it the same silence before a nightmare.

It was a silence of awe, a silence that you’d hear before a firework would shoot up in the sky—it was calming, a relaxing wave like a seashell pressed against your ear.

A silent love—like the one you and Diluc shared. An unsung melody that played in the beat of your hearts, the breaths of the wind...

A silent promise, like a marriage or a confession, a promise to—

“I will be by your side, [Y/N]. No matter what.”

Through thick and thin, cold and warm, there is nothing but you two, two lovers against the darkness, dancing with ghosts and evil.

— constellations! 💫

[rookiesbookies]

Alright more Jason headcanons no one asked for

Jason has freckles. In the winter they disappear which would be so cute to see his freckles mixed in with his scars.

Jason is totally latino in some way, I just feel it in my soul that he is. He would speak broken Spanish, curse in Spanish, cook Spanish foods. I just love that idea.

Jason can cook, this is canon. Jason learned to cook taking care of himself as a kid and refined it with Alfred as Robin.

Dick can not cook and Jason does not let him in any kitchen, Alfred feels the same and also does not let Dick in the kitchen.

Jason totally plays guitar or some instrument, I can give a number of reasons for this. Like bc he saw it and thought it was cool or because he had time to waste and thought it would be fun

Jason has baby face, and was an adorable child. The back story I like is the one where he’s a “street rat” and not a copy of Dick’s backstory.

Jason one time spent 5 months fixing a broken watch for Bruce. This canonly shows that as a kid he was super handly and I imagine he’s very “do it yourself” as an adult. If he can fix something himself he will or he’ll fail trying.

Jason loves bread, breads are hard to come by at food pantries and I imagine that he loves pasties and baked goods because of this. So imagine him baking bread with his S/O (and not baby making, like cooking)

I feel like Jason is Demi. I understand he could be A-spec but it doesn’t quite fit him, and I see him being like Pan or Omni but I think Demisexual/Demiromantic (basically you have to have a strong emotional connection with someone before you can have sexual/romantic attraction to them) fit in with him and his trauma and everything about him really well. Which is why he’d be so off put by Kori kissing him in that one set of comics and not enjoy one night stands.

Also I head canon Jason not liking one night stands. Like he can barely handle physical affection from his brothers, how is he going to have sexual relations with someone he doesnt know, especially if he’s scared he’ll strip and they’ll think he’s a monster for his scars.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[some-stars]

anyway i can’t write so instead i spin elaborate emotional scenarios on discord with absolutely no connective tissue to hold the Good Bits together and here’s one i just came up with:

having some kind of sad thoughts about....jaskier in the days following 2x08, trying to cautiously defend yennefer to geralt bc he can see how much she's hurting--and like, geralt is sort of tentatively reaching out to him, as things settle down, like maybe he meant it about being sorry and maybe he is trying to do better, in his clumsy way, and jaskier wants that so badly--wants to slide back into that spot at geralt's side--but doing it without yennefer just feels WRONG. but when he tries to convince geralt to think about forgiving her geralt goes brusque and cold, and jaskier feels such stupid loyalty to both of them now and he's completely stuck

and yennefer tells him, eventually, "you don't have to defend me, i don't need your help," but it's not about thinking she NEEDS him, it's about--being on her SIDE

and it finally comes to a point where geralt and jaskier are dealing with their Feelings and geralt finally admitting that he does love him, that he wants--and jaskier realizes, with a plummeting misery in his gut, that he can't, because as much as he loves geralt and has his whole life and wants him so, so so badly, has dreamed of Exactly This.....he's in love with yennefer. FUCK, he's in love with yennefer

and he can't have just one of them. he just--he can't. he can't hurt either of them like that, and it would feel like part of his soul was missing anyway

(and obviously this prompts geralt to get his head out of his ass and deal with his angst and guilt and trauma that's making him push yen away)

(i also, this is not a deep thoughtful thing, i just really want the id hit of yennefer realizing jaskier turned down geralt for HER...i want her to have that)

(of course she immediately tells him he's an idiot, bc realizing that someone loves her that much is terrifying)

also jaskier cries during this whole scenario, that's extremely important

god this is just. such high drama too. the scene where geralt finally awkwardly confesses to jaskier that he loves him, and he's sorry he didn't realize before, but--if jaskier still--and he's anxious and tentative but like, deep down he does expect jaskier to say yes, bc he HAS known how jaskier felt for a long time, he just hadn't been able to deal with his own feelings. and then when jaskier hesitates, and then, agonized, starts to explain that he loves yennefer, and geralt just--goes cold, like, oh. oh of course jaskier doesn't love him anymore. of course geralt broke that. which is not what jaskier means at ALL, and it's a very emotional and awful conversation

and the scene where yennefer angrily storms in on jaskier having a quiet undignified cry in his room and is FURIOUS at him for, what, martyring himself??? and he has to explain to HER that he loves her, and she does not handle it very well, i think, at least not at first

(also at some point jaskier gets EXTREMELY fed up of the two of them assuming he's monogamous and turning down one of them FOR the other)

[tiredbutstillloveable]

JAKE'S RELATIONSHIP OBSERVATIONS

Hello boys and girls, so today we are going to check on how Jake is/acts ins a relationship! As always, don't take things too seriously, this should be fun and light,okay? Well, here we gooo...

p.s. I think I have a new crush,but my mind is like : he's a baby,pls....you couldn't possibly...and my heart is like: go for it!! he is not a kid anymore and there is no such a thing as being too old when you are in love (oh boy,am I full of crap sometimes hahaha sorry for this guys,enjoy <3)

Scorpio Venus, Pisces Moon

This boy is such a sweet heart when in love. He wants to know everything he can of his loved one. He is a person who's interested in everything you do, all your tastes, and hobbies. But, ofc...much more than that, he needs to know what is inside of your head, he needs to understand the all you.

He wants to know all the aspects of you, the things in your unconscious mind. The things not even you know about yourself.

And the best part is...he will not judge you by it. He will be the most understanding person, and will love you completely. Once he is in the relationship he is 1000%, he is super committed. He loves body and soul. To him it has to be more than just a pretty face.

He will love you in the good and bad times. He is so giving, and will try to help with whatever he can. Will hate to see you suffering, so if someone hurt you, he is definitely hunting them down, bc nobody messes with his loved ones.

He is a genuine guy, so honest and truthful and he wants the same thing from you. if you lie for any particular reason, there is big chances he will know. He can totally tell when you are lying. Sometimes he can be like a human detector, because he is so intuitive and sensitive, that he always knows/feels things (yes,it can be annoying sometimes ngl hahaha)

He will declared his love in the most honest way, and probably through his art. He is not afraid of showing you how much he loves you, btw. So, you can expect him writing songs about you, and your relationship, or even drawings, paintings, anything really. All shapes and forms of art could help him to explore and declare his love for you. He is a romantic and idealistic guy after all. He wants the same things from you, he wants to be certain of your feelings for him.

If he was not corresponded in the same way, this could cause him a lot of sorrow, and he could totally resent his partner. He is sensible and feels things so deeply that this hurt could make him fall into a very dark state of mind. He needs to be careful with that, because sometimes he can face too many intense emotions and this could cause an emotional imbalance.

His favorite hobby is to listen his partner talking about all their things, especially their secrets. This could feel as one of the most important proofs of his partner's love for him, because sharing secrets means that you trust him completely, and for him this is one of the most important things.

The physical aspect of the relationship is very important too. When he is making love to his partner, this could feel an out of the body experience, because this connection goes beyond of the body, the flash, this is a mind, soul and heart connection.

Sex could be an spiritual, divine experience with him. He certainly gonna love to try new things, and expand, explore, enrich his knowledge about this theme. He is a wanderer and when it's about sex things are not different (gotta love his sag pluto).

Well, this is all for now. I hope you all enjoy it, let me know what you guys think. <3