#bc it was with someone he loves and has that emotional/soul connection with as well as the physical part

[acexsmhking]

hey back at it again with a "we listen and we don't judge"

Obsessive Toby x Fem!reader But like He was sent to kill someone at a university and decided to just blend in with the school BECAUSE AND ONLY BECAUSE one of the students caught his Eye

she takes him in, introduces him to her friends, bro because basically dependent and doting on her bc not many ppl will just look past his "Flaws"... Then finds out she has a boyfriend, but that just won't do foe Toby

SORRY IF IT'S ULTRA SPECIFIC AND YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND CHANGE WHATEVER YOU LIKE OFC!!!

𝐄𝐟𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞

(𝗻.) 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝘆

: ̗̀➛ Toby x FEM!Reader

Summary: University life can be hard; stress, exams, homesickness. So of course, as a good person you didn’t hesitate to befriend a ‘shaken’ schoolmate after a traumatic murder happened. Who knew that your trusted companion was quite the gifted actor?

note: omg whoa! You had me actually biting my phone with this request. Istg I love this. Also sorry I went crazy on this. If you wanna skip the plot I put a halfway marker lol!

Warning(s): 18+ content, AFAB!Reader, p n v! Sex, slight coercion, oral sex (F & M receiving), cheating, long plot, affair plot, stalker behavior, descriptions of gore, descriptions of murder, mentions of blood, unhealthy co-dependency, slight emotional manipulation, lots of drool, biting, cum-play, breath-play.

The beginning of mid-term had started off.. rough. One of the students, Cole, had been murdered. To say it shook the school was an understatement. The scene had been fully public, with a huge fire burning the corpse and a large proportion of the surrounding area. Multiple other students had been injured, with an additional three losing their lives. The whole school was somber, close friends and even family of the victims seemed completely lifeless. Barely responding or talking to anybody but themselves and each other. Thankfully, the professors had been merciful with dealing out schoolwork. And the Dean had began some light construction around the school for added security and protection.

About two months after the incident, a new student had been introduced to your friend group. A mutual friend of a mutual was all you thought of him at first. But after chatting you and Toby quickly formed a connection, he was so much like you! Same hobbies, likes, dislikes. The bond was immediate and close, and soon enough you welcomed Toby into your closer, inner friend circle. You were accommodating and quick to meet Toby’s needs. Both emotionally and mentally. He had confided in you about a plethora of problems he had, along with how vulnerable he was to bullying.

You were, in your sweet nature, quick to sympathize with him. Offering a shoulder to lean on and a shield from the meaner kids. While bullying didn’t happen too often in university, mostly because of how it drained the souls from people. But you still stayed by Toby’s side. You were inseparable. Toby followed you everywhere. Classes, hang-outs, parties, and shopping. Toby had a small speculation where you lived, but he was unable to find out yet. After.. he had his fun earlier. He saw you in the crowd. You were.. beautiful.

He latched onto you quickly to say it mildly. How could he refute you! He didn’t even know he had an ideal type since he saw you, no no, you were his ideal type. You were his only type. His. Befriending you was simple, you were so sweet and pathetic. The cutest lamm he’d ever saw. And he’s met a lot of people.. well, killed a lot. He was beginning to like this university. Besides the downfall of socializing it had delicious food, and of course, you. You understood him, never even judged him when you told about his problems. The voices, the visions, his tourette’s, hell you didn’t even mind the drool escaping the gnarly hole on his face.

Okay, sure he knew no one bullied him anymore. But he was sure people had! So it was valid.

In the eyes of innocents, Toby was weak. A riddled dog. A sick man. But you reassured him, took care of him. He didn’t even realize how many things he didn’t like eating til you asked him. You’d bring him delicious foods for lunch, breakfast, hell even dinner. About five months had passed since the incident. You and Toby still as close as thieves. You hated to admit it. But Toby was.. cute. No, scratch that, Toby was downright sinful. You realized your tiny ‘passing’ crush on him was growing more and more. You felt awful. Awful how when you smiled it was mostly at him. Laughing was with him, eating, hanging out.

Toby immediately noticed you becoming distant. It felt awful. He tried to remember what Tim told him. ‘Sometimes people just need space for various reasons. Remember to be empathetic and open-minded.’ And he tried! Really tried. He just couldn’t handle it. How you started ignoring his message for longer, side-stepped him for others, or would just bolt the other direction if you saw him. His heart was twisting. He hated it. Hated this feeling. He needed you. You were the only one who understood him, who took care of him. He loved you! Couldn’t you see that? Why were you pushing him away. You both were perfect together.

It was cold today, however even Toby could feel it. Or maybe it was just how rejection felt as he watched you laughing at another friends joke. His eye twitched, knuckles cracking. He wanted to strangle them. No he had to, all of them. Then you’d remember him again, right? Yeah, you probably just felt bad for neglecting all of them. Sein süßes Lamm, such a giver. If they disappeared you’d only have him again. You’d pay attention to him again.

You shivered, it was ass freezing cold. You could feel the biting of winter through your pants. You glanced at Toby, looking him over. He was dressed fairly appropriate, you had managed to beat in a good habit of him dressing well for the weather even if he couldn’t feel it. But you worried. What if he forgot to heat his blanket up, his pajamas? No no, stop it. You can’t fret over him so much. You had to put distance. But it was hard looking at him. He was silent. Hadn’t even made a sound besides popping and cracks. You worried, he was never this verbally silent.

Your heart squeezed. He looked so.. sad, so incredibly depressed. You hadn’t even noticed that look in his eyes, not like you could see them very well. You weren’t standing even nearly as close to him like you would before. If others in the group noticed, they didn’t mention it. The only one you were positive that noticed anything was your best friend. They were your most trusted confidant and you had confided to them about everything. They glanced between you and Toby, offering you a sympathetic smile.

“You okay, Toby? You been oddly silent, hun.” They asked, Toby flinched at the nickname. It was grating. You should be checking on him. Not this idiot. You. He nodded, neck popping as he shuffled his feet. Calm down Toby, she’ll come back soon don’t be rash. He tried reasoning with himself. It was a very, very losing battle. He hadn’t even noticed someone else walking up behind you, not til their arms wrapped around your waist and twirled you around. Toby’s jaw clenched, he could nothing but ringing and grinding of his teeth as he watched.

Why the fuck were the others happy? Why weren’t you pushing them away? Who are they? Who, who, who. You had been completely jolted when Ethan had picked you up. You hadn’t seen him in months! “You miss me, baby?” He smiled, eyes flickering between you and your lips as he held you. You nodded, lip between your teeth as you forced a smile. Arms wrapped around his neck as you kissed him. Was it mean to admit you hadn’t? Not as much, you have Toby. Had.. god why was this hard. Why did you even like him? You had Ethan. Ethan. Not Toby.

Close friends hugged Ethan, saying their hi’s. New friends introducing themselves, everyone expect.. Toby. His fingers were locked, eyes glued to his feet. Your heart sank.. you hadn’t even told him. It’s okay, you tried to reassure. You didn’t tell many people, you liked keeping personal information to yourself and close ones. But Toby was close.. right? He felt like your twin.. that’s what you two always said. No.. you were wrong not to tell him.

“Who are you?” Ethan smiled, cocking his head at Toby. This time, Toby looked up. You shivered at that look in his eyes, they seemed so dead, hallow almost. More than usual. You quickly stepped towards Toby, arm around his side and smiled apologetically at Ethan. “This is Toby, my best friend.” Toby leaned further into you, appearing to shy away from Ethan. Ethan, who just arched a brow gaze flickering between you both. You patted Toby’s back, “He’s very shy, give him a while to warm up to you, babe.” You smiled, hand lingering on Toby just a bit as you peaked on him.

Toby was.. he was as thrilled as he could be. You were touching him!! Touching him after weeks at that, even defended him. That small feeling of victory was quickly squashed when you returned to his arms. Was this what the saying ‘blood boiling’ meant? Because he was feeling it. Probably the worst way possible. He hated how much everyone liked him, how much they teased you both as the afternoon went on. He hated how this nuisance kept trying to talk to him, ‘get to know’ him. All this pest needed to know was go wonder off and die.

‘He has to kill him.’ Toby nodded to himself, yeah if he does, you’ll come back to him. You’ll be back in his arms, laughing at his jokes. Ethan had offered everyone drinks at some bar. Toby shivered, but this was his chance. He couldn’t leave you alone with him. “Toby are you sure you want to come?” You chewed your lips, shifting on your feet. “I don’t want the smell bothering you.” A mumble was all it was. You knew now, most certainly, you had no right to fret over him. Toby just shrugged, pulling his jacket tighter around him as he held your hand.

His smile made your stomach warm, butterflies fluttering. Gods he was pretty. “I’ll be okay-y with you there.” His voice was gentle, thumb rubbing your knuckles. Why were you blushing, what was wrong with you. You nodded hastily almost stumbling away from him to return to the group. Composing yourself as Ethan wrapped his arms around you. Thankfully, the bar seemed to be in a slow night, or maybe just a slow hour, but either way you were grateful. You checked in on Toby every once in a while. A few others doing so as well.

“You’re doing really well, Toby!” Rebecca comforted, playfully punching his shoulder. Toby just smiled, seeming polite, Ethan turned towards him. “Don’t like crowded places?” He asked, a smirk on his lips. Toby shrugged, “Don’t-t like al-alcohol.” He mumbled, eyes meeting Ethan’s in a cold stare. Ethan just nodded, arm on your shoulder tightening. You felt.. stuffy. Usually Ethan’s arms made you feel safe.. so safe. But with Toby here.. you felt dirty. Or maybe cause Ethan was here? No, what did you need to feel guilty about. Your feelings were your own and you never acted on them!

You loved Ethan.

Yeah, you shook your head you loved Ethan. You tried leaning back into him further. But it still didn’t feel right. His scent was weird, it was strong, too strong. The waitress brought a third round of drinks, Toby just asked for more water. Wow, two cups of water. Tim would be proud. Liam, one of the guys, was telling a funny story when a crush interrupted him. Followed by Toby cursing. “Fuh-fuck sorry!” He mumbled, handing Hannah a napkin. He had been doing good almost all damn day about that. Hannah just smiled waving him off. “You’re good! Not your fault.” She said, patting herself down.

There was a nasty ball in your stomach as you watched. You hated how he touched her, fretted over her. Why were you like this? “The hell happened?” Ethan laughed, leaning over a bit. “Sor-rey, just..” Ethan interrupted him, mockingly. “You really are jittery. What some stutter freak?” Your mouth gaped, everyone’s did. You shoved Ethan away, “What the actual hell is wrong with you?” You pushed him again, out of the booth as you shoved your finger against his chest. “What gives you the right to say that?” You shrieked, brows furrowed and shoulders pinned.

Everyone stopped watching you two. Toby was bristling. He didn’t really care, sure he wasn’t actually gonna let that slide but, watching you defend him? His pants were a hell of a lot tighter. That’s right, Ethan had no place in your heart compared to him. “What it was just a joke! ‘M sure he’d gone through worst.” Ethan scoffed, arms crossing as he looked back at Toby. “Right? You don’t care, man.” Toby got out the booth, cold fingers wrapping around your shoulder gently. “It’s-It’s alright, ‘m just gonna head-d out okay?” He smiled, patting your shoulders as he moved past you both.

Your shoulders sank, you didn’t know what to do. Ethan had never said something like that before, not in front of you. How could you let Toby down like this? “Toby! Wait!” You called after him, pushing past Ethan who called after you. You caught with Toby down the street, hand wrapping around his arm. “I’m so sorry about that, I swear if I knew he was like that.. he.. I don’t even know.” You mumbled, hugging him as he faced you. Toby just laughed softly, arms wrapping around you as he patted your back.

Your face nuzzled into his chest, unwilling to admit to it as you took a breath of his scent in. Woody and spice. It didn’t have that artificial scent, it was like he really was rolling around in pinecones and wood earlier. “It’s ok-ay, pretty! Ain’t got-s to be so upset.” He teased, arms squeezing you. You huffed, linking your arms with him as you both continued down to the university. “I really am sorry. I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with him.” You grunted, your feathers were truly ruffled right now! Toby was so sweet, how could your loving Ethan be so cruel to him!

“W-wah-anna spend the night over with me?” He smiled at you sympathetically, sure it hadn’t been the first time since you and Toby had a sleep over. Typically watching nostalgic movies and geeking out. “Umm…” You glanced back, yeah you were mad at Ethan but.. should you really sleep over somewhere else? Oh but those damn puppy dog eyes! Toby’s eyes were just too cute..

Toby’s place was actually a very good distance away from the university. Tucked in between the dense forests surrounding the area. “Gosh, I still can’t believe you make that drive to university everyday.” You snorted, making sure to politely take your shoes off at the front door. “Seeing you-you makes it a little more worth it.” He boyishly grinned at you, flopping down on his old sofa. You flushed sitting down next to him. Feet tucked under you as you sighed. Toby tilted his head at you, you looked far too cute. Curled in so cutely, clothes hugging you just right.

How long had it been since you’ve been here? Far too long, he missed you. Missed watching you, being able to feel you. Really feel you, as you slept. He hadn’t been able to cum properly the past couple weeks. He needed your skin, your smell. You spoiled him far too much. You two just stared at the other for a while. Basking in the silence as you both admired the other. “I missed you..” He mumbled, an arm reaching out for you, he didn’t immediately pull you in. But you hesitated, shifting in your seat.

“Toby we shouldn’t..” You tried reasoning, convincing. Who? You don’t know. Him? Yourself? Sure, Ethan had been a major jerk but you shouldn’t.. indulge Toby like that, not anymore. Toby’s jaw clenched, he grabbed you faster than you could process. He pinned you to the couch, some his drool leaking onto the spot near your head. Some on your face. You gasped, wiggling a bit under him to release your legs. Caught between the crossfire. “Toby!” You yelped, struggling against him as he pinned your wrists. “Wh-hy do you insist on acting-acting like he matters.” His voice was a rumble, grip bruising as you whimpered.

“Toby! Hurts..” You whimpered, he seemed guilty but didn’t let up on you. “You know-w you should be-should be with me, Lamm.” He intertwined your fingers, leaning close to you. “You said-aid we were perfect!” He growled, you shook your head, squeezing your legs together. You were so desperate to deny him. Anything to cling onto your morals and rules, you had to resist him. “Du süßer Idi-iot. Mach dir keine Sor-gen, ich werde mich um ihn kümmern, Lamm.” He mumbled, releasing you and pushing off.

You held a hand over your heart watching him. He looked.. predatory as he relaxed back onto the couch. After a few seconds he patted his lap, a sweet smile reappearing on his lips. “Come here.” He asked, you hesitatanly obeyed, straddling his waist. His hands rubbed your hips, that sweet smile turning into something sinister. “See? Is it so har-r-d to just be good for me.” He hummed, fingers teasing the hem of your pants, toying with the buttons and zipper. You shifted, the air felt heavy and oppressing. You hated how much his words affected you, how you liked this side of him.

Your fingers tighten their grip on his shirt, hands pressing down on his chest as he undid your pants. He sucked on a breath as his fingers trailed up your side, you were so soft. Your meat.. skin.. flesh.. gods whatever. It made his mouth water. He’d take care of that little Ethan, silent and properly. Quick and clean. You’d never worry about that scum again, you’d be more willing to crawl into his arms.

You felt light-headed as Toby’s hands roamed your skin. His nails racking along your back in a playful gesture, a zap shooting down your spine. Toby leaned up, quickly catching your lips. Thankfully, this time you didn’t try fighting him off. No, in fact you leaned against him, arms wrapping around his neck as you laid your weight on him. Your core was aching, heart fluttering. His lips felt better than you imagined. Shivering as his cold hands ran up and down your back, one hand resting firmly against your nape.

You had not a single thought on you as things grew more headed. All warnings you flung out the window as he undressed you both, you didn’t even care. Didn’t know why you should. This felt right, felt perfect. He was perfect. Perfect as he marked your neck. Perfect as he kissed down your chest, and perfect when the only thing remaining was both your underwear. Feeling the hard press of his cock against your navel.

“Willing to-do something for me, precious?” He teased, his nose rubbing against yours. You nodded, smiling up at him. He gave you one more peak before kneeling down, his fingers hooked on your panties. Slowly he slid them down, smirking at the tiny wet mark on them. Fuck, you smelt heavenly. She smelt heavenly. Like she was calling to him, beckoning him. You giggled as Toby pressed a few, fluttery kisses to your abdomen, just below your belly button. Your fingers playing with unruly curls of his hair.

Toby pressed a big, wet kiss to the front of your cunt. Slowly trailing them across and on your hips before focusing back on her. Your scent was making him dizzy, he could feel himself throbbing. Gently, he pressed his tongue against you, digging the tip just a bit past your lips. You bite your lip at the sound of the moan he released, watching his eyes roll back. “Fuck..” He mumbled, both his thumbs spreading your lips just so slightly. A cute view of your clit making him smile as he looked up at you. Another long, soft drag of his tongue this time making you jolt.

He let out a breathy chuckle before standing back up, pulling you along with him on the coach. “Wanna try some-thing with you-u.” He smirked, quickly taking his boxers off before he helped you onto him. “Umm.. Toby are you sure about this?” You shifted, hands on his thighs and eyes glued to his cock. It was.. massive. Huge. No, almighty. How do you even describe this. It was not unreasonable by any means, nor look grotesque. But it was certainly the largest you’ve ever taken, not to mention the thickest.

Toby had a wolfish grin as the glanced past your ass at you, adjusting his hips a bit more. See, you were laying on Toby, ass in his face. Definitely the most interesting sixty-nine you’ve ever been in. You pulled up a bit more, one hand gripping his length. “Oh, I’m-m definitely sure, Liebe.” He cackled, you had no time for a bratty retort before you felt his tongue. Your head sagged, your hips pushing against him. You tried to focus on his cock, giving him slow and long stripes up to his tip.

Fuck, but he felt so good. Toby ate you out like a feast, nose buried in you as his lips suckled on you. His arms were wrapped tight around your hips, keeping you pressed firmly against him. His lips parted from your briefly as looked towards you, jolting his hips at you. “Beeil dich, La-mm. Sonst hö-r-re ich auf.” He seethed, eyes narrowing at the back of your head. You didn’t need to understand him to understand his tone.

Toby was merciless on you. You both had to of spend an hour like that, he was completely enveloped by you. He loved every little sound you made, feeling the vibration of your moans against his cock. Toby’s cum painted your face as you lazily pumped his cock. “Toby! Please, no more, Love.” You shook your head, pleading with him. Trying to pull away. Toby didn’t fight you this time, letting you crawl off him. He licked his lips, eyes glued to your lower half.

You were a temptress he was sure of it. Your thighs were shaking, eyes teary as you looked at him. Toby walked to the edge of your side the couch, hand shooting down to grab a handful of your hair pulling your face to him. “Little more, Lamm? You skim-mh-ped out on me.” He wheezed, voice raspy as he shoved your face closer. You whined, face still covered in his two previous loads as you took his tip in. Suckling on it as you learned he liked. He sighed, rolling his head back, eyes rolling back.

Your thighs clenched around his arm as his free hand moved to your dripping cunt. Fingers gently just rubbing her and playing with the sticky remnants of your own cum. Your arm wrapped around his hips as the other pumped his cock. You bent down, taking a ball into your mouth. You suckled firmly but not too hard. Toby was losing it, you looked so fucking precious sucking him off. Eyes lidded, face covered in him as you licked and toyed with his balls. “Ju-ust like that, baby.” He sighed, gathering more of your hair out of your face.

You both paused momentarily as a certain ringtone’s muffled tone sang in the room. Your mouth leaving Toby with a pop as you looked to your purse, that you had haphazardly thrown by couch side.

“Toby! Move!” You gasped, pressing against his chest. That look in his eyes.. your cunt fluttered. Thankfully, he let you go, relaxing in your earlier spot as he watched you. You nervously answered the phone, moving further away from Toby. “Where the hell did you go?” Ethan seethed, suddenly the remind of you and Toby’s spends littering your body made you freeze up. “I just.. went to another friend’s place. I’m sorry I swore I thought I turned my location on..” You mumbled, trying your best to sound tired. Had you always been this much of a liar?

Ethan gave you a few more huffs before finally letting you go. Making you promise to get home safely since you refused to let him pick you up. You had quickly washed in Toby’s shower, that he so graciously let you use. He was sitting on the bed when you came out, pair of boxers on. You swallowed, rubbing your thighs together briefly as you hurriedly walked out. Toby stopped you at the door, hesitantly pulling you towards him. And stupidly, you let him. Let him rest his forehead against yours, arms wrapping around your waist.

“Lemme drop y-you off, Sweetie.” He purred, that mischievous glint in his eyes that you knew far too well. You scoffed, laughing as your hands pressed against his chest. Leaning your weight into him, god why was he so… inviting. “Absolutely not, he’d freak if he saw you.” You giggled, you should feel guilty. Horrible. But you just.. couldn’t. “He won’t. Plus, too-too late for an uber. What if something ha-happens?” He chuckled, pressing another kiss against your forehead. You stupidly agreed, thankfully Toby was well-behaved on the drive. Just resting a hand on your thigh as he drove you to your crappy apartment near campus.

Toby pressed a quick kiss to your cheek before you got out. Watching you walk all the way into the building. Only leaving when he lost sight of you. Walking in you glanced at Ethan, who was slouching against the couch. You took off your shoes before moving to the bedroom. “Don’t tell me you’re seriously mad at me.” He sighed, leaning against the doorframe. You scoffed at him, no you weren’t mad. Not anymore. “I want to sleep, Ethan.”

The next couple weeks were.. tense. Despite Ethan apologizing to Toby, sleeping next to you. You felt this weird.. detachment. You were sure if you just powered through it that everything would be okay, things would go back to normal. The guilt you felt was.. eating you alive to put it lightly. And Toby’s smug little smirks whenever he saw you weren’t helping.

The fact that whenever Ethan pleasured you, all you could think about was Toby. How his cock weighed on your tongue, the taste of his cum. You fantasize how his cock would’ve felt. You hadn’t even dared confide in your bestie about this, you couldn’t tell anyone. You sighed, glancing at your bedroom door. Ethan had been watching TV in the living room, allowing you to watch your own things. A group notification distracted you, drawing your thoughts away as you opened it. Ethan had texted in the group chat.. saying.. he was leaving? Your brows furrowed, leaving? Did he find out?

Your heart nearly dropped out your ass as you stumbled out the room. “Ethan?” You called, turning the corner to look at the couch. He wasn’t there, but the TV was still on? You turned to the kitchen, however something stopped your steps. Slowly you crept to further, hand moving to your mouth as you looked at the horrifying sight. Your back making contact with the corner of the dining table. You shuddered as the figure looming over Ethan slowly stood up.

They crept towards you slowly, hands raised in a seemingly mocking form of surrender. You need to move, run, scream. Anything but you couldn’t. Not as your eyes made contact with Ethan’s dead eyes, blood leaking from his neck. It was so.. dark. So much. Your eyes flickered to the individual, tears brimming as you saw the blood staining their hands. Your breath quickened, the murderer slowly inching more and more. Just as you were about to bolt, they caged you against the table. A startled bark escaping your lips as you raised your arms. Trying to shield yourself from them. But they didn’t hurt you, just loomed over you, fingers digging into the table.

You peaked at them from your hands. They just looked at you, drool leaking from the bars of what you could only call a muzzle. Their neck popped to the side as they leaned in, pressing you further into the table. You heard a rumble in their throat before they grabbed your wrist. You cringed at the feeling of Ethan’s blood on your skin. They dragged you to the bedroom, shoving you towards the bed. You huffed as you fell on the floor, holding on the edge of it.

Watching the masked man carefully as he walked around, you could practically hear your heart pounding in your chest. Watching as he tugged his mask off, pulling the goggles off. “Toby?” You whispered, brows furrowing as you looked at him. Your mind was racing as you watched him stalk towards you before kneeling infront of you. His hand reached out, brushing against your cheek. “What’s wrong, pre-tty? Scared?” You flinched from his hand, tears falling as the weight of everything crashed on you.

“Why.. why would you.” You trailed off, trying to shift further away from him. “I had to, Lamm. He was keep-eping you from me.” He sighed, shaking his head before smiling at you. “It’s alright tho-ho-ugh now, wir können zusammen sein, Liebling.” His hand gripped your throat as he pulled you back up. His lips meeting yours as he brought you to sit on the bed. You couldn’t move, your brain was completely fried. Shock. Fear. How was he expecting you to just accept all this, and yet. You yielded. You let him as he undressed you again, lips trailing down your abdomen.

“I-I don’t think..” You pushed yourself up, Toby settled between your legs as he held your leg. “Hush, Liebe, las-s es einfach sein.” He murmured, helping you wiggle off your shorts, thumb rubbing up and down your slit. “Kein Höschen? Hure.” He gave your cunt a kiss before standing back up, unbuckling his belt. You rubbed your legs together watching him, biting your lip your eyes trailed. He was so.. enticing. No, tempting. You didn’t refuse him as he caged you under him, pressing against him as he brought you into a kiss.

It was claiming, Toby wasn’t gentle as he kissed you, shoving his tongue into your mouth. You gave into him completely, as your legs hooked around his hips. Everything between the two of you was sloppy, the kiss, his cock rubbing against your folds. He clouded you, clouded your mind as two of his fingers rolled and pinched your nipples. A small yelp from you, Toby just laughed at your reaction. Bending down to take one in his mouth, the slow rolling of his hips becoming just a bit faster.

Mesmerized as you watched him, fingers threading through curls. Your cheeks flushed, whining at him, your hips moved in sync with his. Your heart fluttered watching that hazy look in his eyes as he suckled on your breast, able to see his cock grounding into you. Your heel dug deeper into his back, hips jolting. “Frech, Lamm. Want me, baby?” His mouth left your tit with a pop. You nodded furiously, pleading with him to give you what you want. No, need. You needed him. Your moans were deep as he pushed into you, he was so thick. He moved one of your legs to his shoulder, hand moving down to rub your stomach before his thumb rubbed lazy circles on your clit.

You cared for nothing, not when hearing the text notifications, not the ringtones, not even the blood staining your body. No, all you could focus on was Toby’s cock, his fluttery kisses as he pushed into you. Completely transfixed on him. Bottoming out in you, Toby didn’t give you a moment of rest. His pace was desperate, deep guttural moan leaving his lips as he leaned down into you. Your toes curled and your nails dug into his biceps as he fucked into you. Completely taking your breath away, he felt better than you imagined. Everything felt so, so good.

The kisses between the two of you were sloppy, slobber everywhere from Toby. But you didn’t mind, you loved it. You love him, especially as he hit that one spot inside you. Your eyes rolled back, head dangling as your nails held him tighter. “Fuh-ck! Please right there!” You sobbed, eyes brimming again but this time in pleasure. Toby swore under his breath as he held you firmer, keeping himself right in that spot for you. “Du wurdest für mich geschaffen, sie wurde für mich geschaffen.” He swore, looking down at the slick mess you both made, a white ring forming on the base of his cock.

“Du gehörst mir. Nicht diese verdammten Schädlinge.” Your lip quivered, you were so close and that stupid accent of his was driving you up a wall. You tried pulling yourself up to him, or maybe you were pulling him down. You didn’t know, didn’t care, you needed him to kiss you. Toby just cooed at you, how pathetic you looked, perfect little brain dead whore.

You gaped at Toby when he moved out of you, tears rolling down your cheek. The feeling of him burned into your cunt, making your stomach twist in yearning. “Tobs! Gimme, gi-gimme back!” You pleaded, coming out more so as sobs. Toby just hushed you, cock rubbing against you again. “Hush, baby. I’ll giv-v-e it back to you, just wait.” He chuckled, laughing how your eyes were glued to his cock. He wanted you obsessed. Your nails leaving angry red marks all over him as you followed him, your legs straddling his waist as he laid down.

You held onto his shoulders, lips swollen from his kisses and nibbling. Toby thought you looked gorgeous, desperate as you aligned his cock back to your hole. Not even caring about the shake in your thighs as you bounced on him. Blabbering words of praise and want. Toby just watched you, absolutely heart struck feeling you squeeze and take him in. One hand held your back, the other propping him up. The sight of the mirror behind you catching his eye. Fuck. Did you know your ass looked this good? He spread his own legs, hypnotized at the strings of lewd mess connecting you together everytime you moved up.

Seeing it glisten in the light, some of it turning more cream color as you constantly mixed it. His lips moved to your chest giving you sweet kisses, harsh bites. Your hips were beginning to falter, and your thighs ached but you were so desperate for him. “Aww, mein süß-ßes Mädchen. Mach dir keine Sorgen-en, ich werde auf dich aufpassen.” He snickered, tone mocking as he laid back. He pushed you both up further to the bed, feet planted as he held your hips. You slouched against him as he began fucking up into you.

“Yes, yes!” Was all you could babble, drool escaping the corner of your lips and down his shoulder. Toby’s pace was far more brutal than before, his nails for sure leaving marks in your hips. You could feel that familiar coil quickly building itself up. You pushed up on Toby, coming face to face with him. Was it okay to say he looked divine? That look in his eyes was softer, gentler. It made your heart flutter, that look of love. You kissed him softly, savoring the taste of him. Your hands cradling his face as best they could, though really it was the tips of your fingers.

“Love you, s-sweet girl.” He mumbled, your kisses slowly becoming more frenzied as you both got closer and closer. “L-luh-ove you too, loves you so much!” You cried, nails digging back into his shoulders as you felt your orgasm wash over you. Toby held on a bit longer than you, reveling in how you looked. “Look so pret-ty when you cum.” He cooed, kissing the tip of your nose before rolling you both over. Hips hammering into you before stilling as his own orgasm took over. One his hands squeezing your tit, mostly to ground him but also for the feeling.

Toby rolled his hips a bit more, helping you both ride out your highs. The sound he made pulling out of you causing you to hide your face with a groan. Toby just hummed, watching his cum leak out of you with satisfaction. “Don’t think-think there’s a single person that’s cum on a murder-er’s dick so hard.” He wheezed, fingers tightly grabbing your jaw. You shuddered, right… Ethan. You tried closing your legs but they were swore and Toby was far stronger than you as he held them open. “There’s that look, remembering someone?” Your heart skipped a beat, lip wobbling.

“S’okay, love. I’ll make sure you fucking forget about him-m.”

: ̗̀➛ Guys i fucking swear I didn’t even realize how long this was til like.. halfway through I was just writing. But I am happy with the psychological value of it! I hope you guys are too. I was just really getting into the idea. I love stalker!toby so much, he is bae. Honestly, I did name the ex after my own. Felt therapeutic 🙂‍↕️ Thank you so much for the request Whoa! You have a lovely mind — Ace

[star-kovs]

“Do I look a mess?”

‘Yes, but you are my mess’

[yingxtkm]

Omg I'd LOVE to hear about Sephiroth and Aerith from your au!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

AFKFHSKDJKS I’m ngl as much as I’d like to talk about my AU, I’m lowkey also embarrassed about it too AHAHA.

True to post AC canon, Aerith is already, well, dead. However, she’s able to manifest projections* of herself in areas where the Lifestream is the strongest aka the church and visit Sephiroth in his dreams. Ofc in this AU she’s also lab siblings with Sephiroth :^) so they both have memories of each other.

After she uses Great Gospel to cure everyone of Geostigma, Jenova was weakened enough/presumed dead?¿ (as dead as a hive mind virus can be) where Aerith was able to fish out and piece together what remained of Sephiroth’s soul.

Sephiroth himself was conscious this whole time and had been locked up in the back of his mind watching his body destroy everything helplessly (I sort of followed the Jenova controls Sephiroth HC for this AU instead of the canon route where he hijacks her will instead) so he’s extremely guilty in that his foolishness and weakness is what caused the deaths of so many people and destruction of the Planet. He’s horrified when he realizes that his revival doesn’t mean he’s coming out with his normal body but rather the one twisted into some sort of sick facsimile of god. Big oopsies on Aerith’s end. Every time he sees a reflection of himself, he has to look away, bile creeping up his throat. He’s disgusted with himself.

*Re: the projections, I know there was that whole theory, or maybe even hint dropped by Nomura I forgor lol, where Aerith and Zack no longer appear in Cloud’s dreams or manifest after the scene in the church at the end of AC as a sign of him moving on from the past/their work being done. This changes in the AU bc Sephiroth’s soul is so fragmented, Aerith replaces pieces of it with her own. She’s ofc helped by Zack who also offers to help patch him up and another certain someone who’s been chilling in the Lifestream that I won’t mention ;)

So Sephiroth is essentially connected and bound to them and capable of allowing them to manifest at the church once more. Gaia has its rules where life and death are not supposed to interact but sometimes Sephiroth is able to feel their emotions when they’re watching over him, especially Zack’s bc he’s impulsive lmao 😭

Also very much post AC revival Seph trope style, he ends up under house arrest after Cloud discovers him, but he’s pretty much resigned the entire time and complies to everything bc the whole point of him being brought back is that he wants to change and repent for what he’s done. Cloud and Tifa are confused and having a massive existential crisis when they realize they’re housing a very docile, socially awkward eldritch horror pseudo god with severe trauma issues that’s surprisingly amicable.

/Slaps Sephiroth, this man can fit so much body horror and trauma in him.

[moderndayamymarch]

i’m not sure where this idea that dumbledore is the reason tom riddle became wizard hitler came from but i don’t buy it. i know the cool kid thing to do is blame dumbledore for every bad thing that happens in those books, but dumbledore isn’t the reason riddle was like that™️.

by the time dumbledore first meets riddle- he’s already traumatized those two kids in the cave so badly that they’ll never recover, killed some girl’s rabbit and hanged it from the rafters, and is a klepto. the kid literally meets the all childhood behavior indicators of a serial killer.

dumbledore in the meeting with riddle only displays concern for riddle and the other childrens’ well-being. he offers to help riddle and tells riddle that stealing/intimidating other students isn’t permitted at hogwarts. and he’s valid for pointing that out!! riddle admits to intimidating/stealing from the other kids. that’s something dumbledore kinda can’t let slide.

ppl cite dumbledore making a snide comment to harry about riddle wanting to be special as evidence he was out to get tom. current dumbledore made that comment as the result of knowing who tom riddle became. past dumbledore only vows to keep a close eye on him. present dumbledore even says he had no idea he’d just met wizard hitler. and past dumbledore’s not wrong for keeping an eye on riddle. also that’s common practice in the education system. when a child is noted to have behavioral issues (esp when those behaviors concern other students), admin will have a school counselor keep an eye on them or assign them a para. dumbledore also obv didn’t turn anyone against tom. everyone else loved him! so dumbledore’s watchful eye obv didn’t impact riddle’s school career really at all. all of the teachers believed he was a good role model student and he was even named head boy.

also even if, a teacher not liking or trusting you does not mean you get to become a neo-nazi. harry put up with snape’s bs and it didn’t lead to him declaring himself a “lord” and splitting his soul into pieces.

it was also the 1940s/30s and muggles did not have the psychological abilities/knowledge that we do today. wizards 1000% didn’t. if he’d been sent to a psychiatrist then, they just would’ve said some freudian bs about his mother and not actually helped with his problem of lack of empathy/guilt

the reason that riddle’s like that™️ is actually pretty understandable and makes sense psychologically. we know now (and actually by the 50s) that children who are starved of physical contact/emotional connection/and stability in early childhood can struggle to develop empathy, feel guilt, form connections, and that can lead to deviant immoral behavior. riddle grew up in an orphanage in the 40s during wwii with no familial connection. having abilities would make him feel “special” and better than the other orphans bc his abilities are the only thing he has going for him. add that to the above issues, and you’ve got someone that would abuse their powers for their own gain, especially to feel “special”. like tbh riddle’s prob not that different psychologically to like charles manson or jim jones (which is peak irony that a therapist in the muggle world could actually easily be able to explain his psyche while the wizarding world struggles)

my final point is this: dumbledore, while extremely flawed, isn’t the reason tom riddle became voldemort. if anything, slughorn and the old headmaster drove him to that end through their enabling far more than dumbledore did by keeping an eye on him. we even saw in riddle’s diary that “keeping an eye on him” consisted of dumbledore basically asking tom “you good?” when seeing him in the corridor. a behavior that reminds harry of dumbledore’s own interactions with him. and yeah eventually dumbledore called riddle out and was like “i heard you’re a fascist now” but that was after riddle had killed his own father, set a giant snake loose in the school, started calling himself “lord voldemort”, and started the wizard hitler youth

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

Dr. John Watson Propaganda:

He literally admits that he changes his stories. "One day the true stories may be told"? Do I need to say more?

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

[crystalcleararts]

Information About Everything About The Wigging Wiggles' Magic in My WiggleTown/WiggleWorld/WiggleUniverse

What happens When The Wiggles get Mad or any Negative Emotions: 

What happens When The Wiggles get Mad or any Negative Emotions, well They have a magic source which is their Wiggly magic, and them having that does explain why their eyes glow and go to their color when they feel negative emotions, they learn later that it's not Negative Emotions it’s just very extremely/strong emotions and the reason why it happened when they feel negative and not when they are happy bc when they are negative it very strong bc they don't normally be negative so it very strong and they always be happy it doesn't work that way so they have to be extremely happy to make that reaction happen

A another thing about The Wiggles and their feeling more especially sadness, when they get extremely sad/depressed, they started to lost their color, and turning gray, this is called De-Wiggle/De-Wiggling/De-Wiggled and some of Wiggles their hair or something else apart of them changed like with Lachy and Teshay, when they De-Wiggling their curly hair goes flat and straight hair

More Information About The Wiggly Magic/Magic Core:

Each Wiggle have 1 or 2 magic source, every wiggle has a Magic Source call the Wiggly Magic which so far it’s come out when they sing dance and play their musical instruments, before Sam The Wiggles has a magical core in them, but when it was Sam time Greg give the Yellow Magic Core to he, but it did make Greg kinda weak for while until years after The Big Wiggly Misunderstood and before Emma Lachy and Simon was Wiggles (They was still in training) Sam figure out how to make multiple Magic Core so he make multiple Magic Cores so that Emma Lachy and Simon can have the power to train with and The OG Wiggles can have some magic to help themselves, For example Greg mostly use his wiggle magic to keep himself well and healthy and his appearance looks still the same when he left but there are some gray hair because he is using part of the Wiggly magic

Greg, Emma, Lachy, Evie, Teshay, And Kelly are so far the Wiggles who has 2 different magic source, Greg because of course his whole thing with Magic, Lachy because he has magic before he live WiggleTown but he didn't know how to use it well so if he ever remember his past before WiggleTown he won't how to use magic very well until Greg found out about his own magic, Evie because she can read mind, know someone past (if the person can remember it) and memories and this is a small part of her own magic source (this is the reason why she wear gloves) and Teshay she have sun powers and released she learns about it but she doesn't know how she got it and if is her own power or the wiggle powers and that go the same with Kelly with her having lighting powers, now with Emma she unlock her own normal magic later on her life as a wiggle after reazlie/discover that she is The Wiggle that symbolizes Love, so her own normal magic works with anything that have to do with Love, even know she would be forever be The Wiggle that symbolizes Love but she let Caterina to be her helper in The Wiggle when she left The Wiggles

The Wiggly Magic Core, can be removed from The Wiggly Holder, but it’s risking The Holder’s life, they can get really weak, or to the point die from the remover, The reason of it because The Wiggly Magic Core connect to The Wiggly Holder’s Heart/Soul, acting like a shield protecting the Heart/Soul, while also working still as a Magic Source, This happens with Greg giving his Wiggly Magic Core to Sam but because of the removement and his healthy issue with his heart, Greg almost die form the removement, he was lucky he is a survivor from that because of his brothers and Sam by Sam being the first one use his new Wiggly Magic to keep Greg up than soon Anthony, Murray, and Jeff did the same helping Sam, until more help came

What Kind of Power/Magic/Abilities that The Wiggles Actually have?:

Well The Wiggles’ Power/Magic/Abilities is kinda unlimited, since the magic personality fits with The Wiggly Holder and WiggleWorld is their World and their imagination are unlimited like their Wiggly Magic, All the Wiggles do have powers that are similar to each other powers, they basely can do anything if they put their mind into it:

Flying Abilities:

The Wiggles have the ability to fly this help them to perform their Wiggly Rainbow Trick, of course they can still use this for other things like flying of course, when they fly they is a trail or a manifested of wings again it depends who is The Wiggly Holder, same going with what the wings/trail look like

Let’s do some examples, let’s do Kelly first since she is the one who uses this ability the most out of The Other Wiggles. When Kelly flys she has Wings, and they sprout from her feet, and she can fly normally or like how a roller-blader skates. Of course, she can also pull off great air maneuvers

Next is Emma and Evie: When they fly they also have wings but they are different than Kelly’s Their Wings look like fairies or butterflies wings, they are more delicate fliers, and Since they are more in dancing more pacificly Ballet, their Wings be more fitting to fairies or butterflies wings

Most of The Wiggles have Personality Trails like Caterina, Lachy, And Simon for examples, Caterina has red particles surrounding her and her trail kinda like red snow, Lachy’s is more like Jets coming off/from the bottom of his feet like a robot/android especially with the fact that he is the only Wiggle who eyes goes to their color when they fly, and Simon have rose petals surrounding him and his trail, this came from people throwing roses to Actors after a Play/Opera

Shields/Protection:

The Wiggles has protection magic that they can use in different ways mainly to their dorm over WiggleTown, because of that, they have less protection magic on themselves, unless the Wiggly Holder have more than one of Magic Source which half out of the current wiggles have, which is a good thing since they can use the extra magic on themselves or someone else, but since most of them are not use to fighting, their protection magic are weak but they can work on it to make it better and stronger, like a skill

Power ups and other Magical items that The Wigging Wiggles uses:

Power ups Potions: 

The Wiggly Power ups Potions are potions that can modify the powers of a Wiggly Magic/Magic Core when The Wiggly Holder ingests them and provide extra abilities to The Wiggly Holder. The extra powers will only last for a single transformation.

After the potion has been ingested, in order to activate the extra powers, The Wiggly Holder must speak the activation phrase for each Power ups Potions.

When the transformation is activated, the holder gains the extra powers and a new look with attributes that correspond to the extra abilities. When the holder is in this Powered-up Wiggle Form they detransform into their regular Wiggle form when they speak the detransformation phrase.

The Wiggly Holder doesn't have to be in their wiggly outfits to transform (same like they don’t know to be in their wiggly outfits to use their normal power, they can ingest the potions in different outfits but their powered-up Wiggle form would always be the same for the holder. The potions don’t have to be in liquid form, however. They can be contained in any vessel, such as Food (pastries, fruits and ect). The only thing that matters is that all of the ingredients are present.

The recipes for the potions created/founded by Lachy when he was getting back to making more potions, and he decided that he want to make new potions so he started make potions with random ingredients, and he accidentally put in a Magical item that was gifted to The Wiggles from The Kingdom of The Merpeople, that Paloma the Mermaid give to them when they expected her as a friend, which this was the first Power ups Potions: Wiggly Aqua Potion which give the Wiggly color: Blue, now he trying a another versions of The Wiggly Power ups Potions that make be easy to use for people who doesn't have a Wiggly Magic/Magic Core like their Wiggly Allies

Here List of The Wiggly Power ups Potions (so far):

Wiggly Aqua Potion/Powers: This potion allows The Wiggly Holder to breathe underwater, as well as swim more effectively and at greater speeds than normal like Merpeople, This Powered-up Wiggle Form/look, make The Wiggly Holder into Merpeople, the color of this potion is The Wiggly color blue, the activation phrase is Let’s Dive

Wiggly Ice Potion/Powers: This potion grants The Wiggly Holder resistance to freezing temperatures and greatly enhanced ice skating abilities, this Powered-up Wiggle Form/look, The Wiggly Holder gains ice skates, ice crystal and snowflake accents, the color of this potion is The color Icey cloud white, the activation phrase is Let’s skate

Wiggly Space Potion/Powers: This potion gives The Wiggly Holder the ability to fly at great speed and high altitude, as well as the ability to breathe in the void of space, this Powered-up Wiggle Form/look, The Wiggly Holder gains spacesuit-like plating, a jetpack with retractable wings or something similar what they has as their Flying Abilities, and a helmet that provides breathable air, The Wiggly color Purple, the activation phrase is Let’s Lift off

[okaynowwha-t]

I am clearly not the level of Fandom that I once was bc I like the bear and I wanted to see some deep dives into character arcs but all I can find is ppl wanting to fuck carmy. i get it but this man is traumatized and not in the cute way. like is this a joke he couldn't commit to the one relationship handed to him on a platter and talked to and about her like she was his therapist. he very well mightve been a virgin before meeting Claire, and based on his backstory and the way he talks about committing to a relationship with her makes me think that he never even had a girlfriend before her. this man doesn't fuck. I'll give you that he looks like he has the potential to fuck, but Carmen Berzatto does not currently "fuck". others advertised this as the "hot linecook" TV show but what I watched was a traumatized introverted man who had set off out of school with the singular vision of becoming a chef, focused exclusively on success, and then his brother killed himself. like we start there.

please oh my god he is screaming for help and his trauma can't be fucked away. I have so many thoughts about Sydney and Carmen's relationship and how so deeply neither of them is ready for any sort of romance in that way.

starting with Sydney, she wouldn't even tell Carmen that her mom was dead until months into knowing him, when the Bear was nearlt open, even though he did try to gently prompt information from her. She avoids anything to do with a deep and serious emotion, her passion is singular and focused, much like Carmy was when he was at Noma and the French Laundry. When she said "that's a little too personal" when Carmy started opening up about his trauma, she brushed it off like a joke but it seemed like she made that joke to deflect from anything personal. she is avoidant and her respect of Carmy is purely artistic at that point. She just so happened to intersect with Carmen during one of the least focused moments of his life. She wanted to meet the Carmen who worked at Noma, even though he was absolutely going through it then, she doesn't get that version.

She also sticks her nose in places where it doesn't belong, has a sense of slight sense of superiority to overcompensate for a crippling performance anxiety, analytical, detached, impatient, yet also freely giving of praise when it's due. Make no mistake, the Bear is Sydneys, Carmen is only in this on the level of reanimating a corpse, Sydney is the soul breathing into it.

Now Carmen is sweet by nature but hard due to circumstance. Hard because of his upbringing, his drive. He desperately seeks approval from those he loves and can't stand to ask for help. the way he talks about Claire makes me feel like she's his first girlfriend ever. He was too busy on the grind to stop for a moment and let that sort of tenderness in. he's not used to it. which is why he sort of leans on her for emotional support instead of actually really getting to know her and connect with her on that level. She's a figurehead, an anywoman, someone who loves him and that's enough for her.

I think from the moment that Sydney mentioned the veal fat, Carmen had a deep respect for her. He really begins to see her as an equal because what the fuck it took Luca an entire year to figure it out, and Carmen hadn't figured it out at that point. she knew it off the top of her head. He hired her because of her business skills but he entrusted her because of his need to emotionally lean on people. when he left to go to that AL anon meeting, he was leaning in her in a more distant way that he will eventually do with Claire. And after he's shut down by Sydney as he starts opening up, he still leans on Sydney to shoulder a lot of his pain.

Carmen just shocks Nat by saying jarring shit about his trauma about how he almost burned down his apartment and how he used to throw up before work every day, and that's how he leans on her. By dumping that shit on Nats lap, in a casual cry for help. He needs help, he has needed help his entire life and Sydney comes in, proves herself to be his equal, and he respects her as an artist. He literally doesn't know how to interpret that feeling in himself if it did translate into romance.

the last thing these characters need to do is fuck. if they have a deep emotional conversation where Carmen is stable enough to allow Sydney the space to feel comfortable with sharing some of her deep personal feelings, like where he can actually shoulder some of that for her, then both characters will have healed enough to entertain the potential of considering Any kind of romantic relationship, let alone one with each other.

they are so career driven that they don't have the eye for anything else, they wouldn't know to consider something like that. so if they do end up together, they would be absolutely floored with the realization of their emotions, it would blindside them and potentially derail them if it's not reciprocated. and my bet is that Carmy falls first. Hard. for the wrong reasons. tries to get Sydney to shoulder not only the responsibility of the bear but also the responsibility of his emotions.

and I think that he'll make her co-owner, but only once their debt has cleared so she doesn't compound her already existing debt

I have so many more thoughts on this I'll get back to you

[thesagedahlia]

♎️ Capricorn SZN: Polarity Reading ♎️

*DISCLAIMER: Libra (sun, moon, rising, venus, mars, and mercury). ‘Polarity’ refers to the duality that exists within us - masculine (yang) energy and feminine (yin) energy. We all harbor masc. and femme. energy that we operate through daily, so balance is imperative for personal well-being. Pronouns are used to identify ENERGY not GENDER, as this is not a gender specific reading. Read as you see fit, take what resonates, leave everything else. 🩶*

🩷Feminine🩷

she’s had some recent developments in her personal journey, and it feels like a redirect, whether she asked for it or not. It’s causing her to reflect on the past year and what has been shown to her. the ‘labyrinth’ has gotten her to a lot of emotional levels that has taken work (or she will need to work through it) to get herself out of. her perspective for the future has been skewed for a while because of recent events that have tested her faith and especially her self worth/self esteem. she may be finding difficulty in letting go of the past that she’s invested a lot of her emotional time in, and now she’s left stressed and overthinking. For some, this is concerning a love situation. Her door to personal healing + happiness awaits her, but she can’t see when the fog clouds her judgment. As a Libra, the scales represent balance of all things, including mental/emotional wellbeing. she is being shown that her own self limiting beliefs are what keep her stagnant, these being the very beliefs that she used to determine her worth. she needs to understand that one’s soul journey is never-ending, and setbacks are expected more often than not at all. healing the past/belief systems of the past (from family for some) will lead her to finding a new direction or path to follow. “Birth” and “creation” is highlighted (some may be dealing with a pregnancy *scare*, or someone she is connected to is). she’d be better off focusing on her creations and re-strategizing (this can be a project, business, or a relationship). rooting herself in her intuition in the face of the unknown (yet again) is the only sure thing she has to hold onto right now, everything else is a dice-roll.

💙Masculine💙

his tunnel vision is definitely unmatched, especially when he doesn’t want to think about shit. he’s keeping himself busy to combat memories of the past, and instead of truly healing from it, he’s becoming jaded. The good news is his finances are set to increase due to all of the work he’s been putting in, and this works for him, bc someone may determine his worth through his career and money to some degree. however, his intuition has been guiding him elsewhere, particularly toward a connection. he may feel as though this person, or other people around him are against him, which motivates him even more to close himself off emotionally. the fact that this person is able to still penetrate his mind is actually peculiar to him, and it inspires him to be introspective about what he truly values. there is a person who feels like ‘home’ to him, but in his recent past he may have learned (the hard way) that someone has walked away from him (for the final time). he can’t lie this is hurting him badly, but he is trying to remain unbothered about the separation. ‘Abundance’ is starting to look to different for him as it comes to his emotional fulfillment. He is going to be forced into his intuition and his best bet is to be anchored in it, because it is going to be harder to hide from himself. For one masc., abundance is happening for him after a time of self reflection and inaction. For another masc., the only thing standing in between him and his abundance is action. he finds emotional support in someone, even though he’s working hard to distract himself. someone feels worthless after this break up, or even living with the consequences of a 3rd party interference. either way, he is being guided to spark a deeper conversation with this person. despite the distractions he tries to impose on himself, he is guided to reach out. his holding back from this situation is dissolving, and trusting the process of moving through the unknown.

🩷Signs🩷

chakra (root, sacral, throat)

Cancer ♋️

Mercury (Gemini ♊️, Virgo ♍️)

Square (challenges, tension, pressure)

Owls 🦉

Pregnancy *scare*?

11:11

💙Signs💙

heart chakra

Mars (Aries ♈️, Scorpio ♏️)

Square (challenges, tension, pressure)

333, 3338

[night-faye]

(I'm sure it has no connection flashes of the rest of the crew having their souls be glowy colors, and those same colors squiggling over their eyes in those flashes.) Oh, that one might actually be a stylistic choice. Since they never explicitly say it, I'll just come out and say we've basically established the fact that the blind eye we saw earlier was the result of Wukong killing him ^_^ as you may know, happened in JTTW and apparently carried over into the show. Someone tried to really eagle eye this and said Mac only keeps people on his non-blind side, except MK that one time or so. Lmao, that was also the line that rapidly pushed Macky into meow meow territory for me bc villains don't just say something like that so bluntly in shows I've watched! And then with the way this episode ended? Oh, you are in for a TREAT. A terrible treat, but I'll be absolutely ecstatic to watch you fall apart and I WILL be making it worse for you. Fluffy and I have torn this Monkey's dialogue and behavior to pieces. Gotta love traumatic flashbacks :) :) :) he always seems so put together and chill...hm, surely that won't become super annoying and also painful later on. If you take a sip of water every time Macky gets triggered or traumatized in this show, you're going to be SO hydrated. Also recall his intro, "The Hero and the Warrior were like the sun and the moon" he says, while debuting DURING AN ECLIPSE. The cinema in this monkey.

All of this is so so so fascinating hohohohoho "Oh, you are in for a TREAT. A terrible treat, but I'll be absolutely ecstatic to watch you fall apart and I WILL be making it worse for you"

I hope you know I am licking my goddamn CHOPS at the idea of how much good delicious angsty food this monkey and you guys are going to give me

My friend botanicallyinclinednerd (Who I will not be tagging in this answer because they're behind me on watching) will tell you I am very often taking the tiniest of things that don't even appear to be angsty even five layers down and turning them into an emotional wrecking ball. So you and fluffy should both probably prepare yourselves as well for when I'm finished because I will be going as deep as possible on this show and especially this monkey (If I had a nickle for everytime my favorite characters had shadow motifs I'd have so many nickles goddamn) (If I had a nickle for every time there was a villain with an eye motif tied to the hero that they used to be friends with and are now bitter at and feel like they were in the shadow of said hero. i'd have MORE THAN YOU WOULD THINK)

[neteluvr-library]

i was actually half way done with this chapter before realizing i was on chapter 4 and not 3 so that explains why i was confused bc i was like where tf did the birthday scene go?

“Who is going to stop you?” you laugh, and the sounds reverberates through his body and settles deep in his soul. He’s heard this sounds countless times in the 14 years he’s known you. It never ceased to amaze him. 

If anyone thought this about my laugh i would have to marry them on the spot *dreamy sigh*

...feels a pang of hurt as he considers the fact you didn’t think of him when reading a book so close to your heart.

He's such a sensitive baby ):

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

I LOVE THIS QUOTE SO MUCH. it's so lovely and warm. this quote plus the quote from cruel summer where vol says she doesn't know where she ends and neteyam starts are my absolute favorite. ITS SO ROMANTIC AND DREAMY AND I CANT COPE WITH HOW MUCH IT MAKES ME FEEL MUSHY ): to be so in love and love someone that you think you are the same ): I WANT THAT SO BAD IN MY LIFE...you have raised my standards for love. also i need to add pride and prejudice to my reading list but i am determined to finish emma first

“Pandora’s box.”, you thought to yourself, with a bitter chuckle.

Wow i too have a pandora's box full of memories and things i want to forget and avoid...except its in my brain

“Yeah, me and Max worried about that, but, Ace… you have weathered every storm life’s thrown at you like a champ and I think beyond this great unknown lays a future so bright it will be able to make this planet shift on its axis.”

I meant great for Atan...but Norm doesn't realize just because Atan has weathered many storms...does not mean she wants to weather another one 😭

You started poking your body in different spots and let out a small laugh at the feeling: it felt like touching soft metal.

I've always thought that the Na'vi have leathery like skin ? AM I THE ONLY ONE ??

You left the room smiling. You will make him eat his words, and you will enjoy every minute of it.

VERY VI CODED OF ATAN TO THINK THIS

“Damn, you’re hot this way, too. This is unfair, you know? But also somehow makes me feel better that it turns out I’m not into a different species altogether, just one girl.” 

I KNOW YOU HAVENT SEEN THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY BUT IF YOU EVER WATCH IT, LOAK IS SO JEREMIAH!!!! (if you reblog this and if any of your followers see this...please tell me im right.) AND NETEYAM IS CONRAD OHFUIEHFRFVJNVEN. and if you ever watch it andra, tell me im right too

Her stripes were somehow more accentuated than normal, and they reminded him of his own.

they are always connected somehow ): even in her avatar body, atan was meant to match neteyam. THEY ARE MADE OF THE SAME SOUL

“I don’t know you, Neteyam.”

YEAH BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK IS THE NETEYAM IN FRONT OF ATAN ACTING LIKE HE DOESNT LOVE HER WITH EVERY FIBER IN HIS BEING????

Your emotions impact her, your thoughts impact her, so you have to calm your mind.Easier said than done in your case, I fear.” 

I'm a basket case half the time so i would not be able to bond with any of pandora's animals lol

“Well, I want to be strong and capable so I can always protect you. I mean look at you, Tuk’s gonna be stronger than you soon.” 

NO HE DOESNT GET TO SAY THAT WHILE ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE ASSHAT....okay wait just realized this was a flashback MY BAD 😭 I SHOULD HAVE READ MORE CAREFULLY

Soon enough, you could taste the metal taste of blood that was lingering in the air and by the grace of whatever spirit was out there still looking after you, you felt yourself collapse in Neteyam’s arms. 

No because this was so sad ): atan just has straight trauma..but also this would a very traumatic thing to witness. like she already doesn't know her father and is iffy about him. but to see his bones abandoned in the forest like he didn't belong to anyone? ID BE SCARRED TOO...also this makes me very sad because its just *spoiler* another instance of where neteyam feels be only brings negativity to atan's life ):

OKAY ITS CURRENTLY....12:57. IM GONNA AIM TO FINISH CHAPTER 5 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO THE JUICY STUFF.

Illicit Affairs | Chapter IV: Evermore

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have to navigate a lot of painful memories on your first day in a new body

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, descriptions of ptsd flashbacks, cursing

Word Count: 6,2k words

A/N: Chapter 4 is the longest chapter I have written so far. There's definitely some fluff in there and some light hearted, beautiful moments, but it's also the darkest chapter I have written so far. There's some heavy stuff in there, so please read with caution! I wanted my characters to be well rounded and for there to be a good reason for every action they take; why the reader is a recluse, why Neteyam behaves the way he does, and why he left. There's layers to their story that will be unveiled through memories from both the main characters, so I hope you stick around to see where I plan to take this story <3 I never expected people to like it so much, and I hope you guys like what I have planned!

"I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone Trying to find the one where I went wrong And I couldn't be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore"

“Am I allowed to be here?” Neteyam says, carefully taking in the new environment that he’s never wondered through before. It was small and dark, his eyes needing a second to adjust to the contrast from the bright neon orbs that illuminated the hallways. His nose scrunched up, trying to assimilate the smell, and realised it just smells like you. 

“Who is going to stop you?” you laugh, and the sounds reverberates through his body and settles deep in his soul. He’s heard this sounds countless times in the 14 years he’s known you. It never ceased to amaze him. 

You take off your Converse shoes and throw them carelessly to the side, jump on the bed and reach for the light on the other side of it, sitting on the bedside table. The lamp turns on and Neteyam finds himself having to adjust to the brightness once more. He settles on the chair that was accompanying a small messy desk, filled with papers, books and electronic tablets that had something you called a graph on it. The words “cell viability” were written on top of it, but Neteyam didn’t know what that meant, so he turned his attention to the many, many books that were displayed on the shelves above the desk. 

He’s seen some of them before, some of them multiple times, as you did seem to have your favourites. He picked one up he recognised. It was called Pride and Prejudice and Neteyam assumed it was written by a person named Jane Austen. He knew you loved this book, but he’s never asked why.

“I love that one…” you started.

“I know” he says in Na’vi. “I just don’t know why.”

“I honestly couldn’t tell you. My mum read me paragraphs from it growing up, and it’s just a book that brings me comfort. I’ve read it so many times, I’ve memorised it, so it’s like a blanket. It makes me feel safe.”

“What is it about?” Neteyam probed further.

You thought about it for a second. 

“It’s a story about two people who come from different worlds, and their journey of understanding each other and overcoming their feelings of, you guessed it, pride and prejudice towards one another and towards each other’s world.”  

He sat with this new information for a while. “So like us?” 

“Mmm, I don’t think it’s like us at all. I think it’s more about my mum and dad, or at least I think my mum thought of her and dad when reading it.”

Your words upset him, he realises in slight surprise. He looks at your figure sprawled over the bed looking up at the ceiling above you in contemplation and feels a pang of hurt as he considers the fact you didn’t think of him when reading a book so close to your heart.

“I have a quote from another book that reminds me of you, though.” Almost as if you read his mind, you turned your head towards him with a smirk and raised an eyebrow.

He didn’t look at you, a small pout erupting from his lips without meaning to. You laugh at him and smile endearingly, softly shaking your head. 

You jump from the bed, slightly wincing when your left leg registers the action, and click your tongue at him so he can move from where he was sat. He obliged and found another spot on the bed, which was now emanating the warmth of your body, and he slowly touched the blanket as if trying to commit the feeling to memory. You climbed on the chair with another small wince and found a book on the uppermost shelf. You jumped from the chair straight on to the bed and fell next to him. 

Patting the spot next to you, you signalled for him to lie down. He did, although his legs were completely off the bed, the tiny contraption barely able to accommodate his torso. You let out a small laugh, but seemed happy to have him so close. 

You placed your head on his chest, and he prayed you couldn’t hear the way his heart felt like it was trying to escape his ribcage at your proximity and warmth. You opened the book and looked for the quote. 

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

“Get the fuck out of my room, Neteyam.”

You had just finished washing the day off when you heard a small knock on the door. Still reeling from the fight, it was taking everything out of you to muster up the strength to open that door and deal with whatever was waiting on the other side. With a deep sigh, you did so anyway. It was surprising for you to find Jake peering at you from the other side of the open door, a curious look on his handsome face. 

“Hey kid. We’re going to get going now. I just wanted to talk to you for a second before hand. Can I come in?” 

You hesitated for a second, then moved so he could enter. 

“So..” He started awkwardly. “I don’t really know how to do this.” You saw his left hand reaching behind his head and scratching his scalp with a small laugh. 

His eyes drop to a little package he was holding, wrapped in the same sort of cloth as the other gifts had been. He didn’t look at you as he spoke.

“Your mum gave me this, a couple of weeks before she passed. She asked me to hold on to it and give it to your on your 18th birthday.”

Your breath stopped in your lungs. He peered at you with a sad look and handed you the little box. A small video camera, like the ones used to record the Avatar program video logs was now resting peacefully in between your hands. 

“I hope whatever’s on there will give you some peace of mind, kid. I know life’s not been kind to you, but it’s time… time to move on, you know?” 

He got up from his spot on the bed and silently made his way out of the room. “See you tomorrow?” 

With your back to him, you gave him a nod, and with that, he was gone, closing the door behind him.

You stood like that, in the same position, with the camera in your hand for a long enough time that your left leg was starting to ache, an ache that eventually overtook the one in your soul and with that, you took the camera and the bracelet you removed from Neteyam’s hands and shoved them both in the bottom drawer of your desk. “Pandora’s box.”, you thought to yourself, with a bitter chuckle. 

You woke up with a groan, and the meanest headache known to man. Yesterday felt like you did in fact have the biggest party this world has ever seen, and the hangover to match. You scrambled out of bed, still in the dark, and searched on top of your desk for the little bottle of Ibuprofen you keep for days just like this. Today’s the day…

Norm enters your room quietly, and is surprised to see you up already. “So nervous you couldn’t sleep?” He says with a tentative smile.

“Something like that.” 

“Hey…you’re happy about this, right? Tell me we haven’t done this for almost a decade for no reason, cause you know, we can’t just give someone else the Avatar.” he says, with an uncomfortable chuckle. 

“I’m happy, Norm. It’s just a lot to take in, you know? A lot is going to have to change, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t tend to do well with change.” you response, laughing to yourself.

“Yeah, me and Max worried about that, but, Ace… you have weathered every storm life’s thrown at you like a champ and I think beyond this great unknown lays a future so bright it will be able to make this planet shift on its axis.” 

You throw your head back and laugh loudly, “Wow, that’s a lot of trust right there. I’ll try not to disappoint.” 

If only Norm knew… knew how you have not been able to brave any storm, and how the storms, in time, turned to tornadoes and then hurricanes and then bigger hurricanes and all you’ve done your whole life is just move further in to the middle of the shelter hoping that someday they’ll just go away by themselves and when they do, there’s still some walls, any walls, surrounding you. 

You put some of Grace’s old workout clothes on and made your way to the Avatar room and properly looked at it, probably for the first time in your life. You used to love coming here as a kid, looking at the scientists in their link pods, at your mum in hers, sitting in Max’s lap and watching the brain activity, bombarding him with questions with answers you couldn’t’ possibly comprehend yet. You’ve moved away from that fascination in time. Now here you stood, about to get your own linkpod and your own brain activity analysed. You peered in the room next to it, where on a big flat metal table lay a blue body, and you couldn’t help yourself from moving closer until your breath was so close to the window in was fogging up the glass. You placed a hand on the cold glass and stared at the new you, and a small smile appeared on your face. It was beautiful, more so than you ever thought your human form to be. Your heart picked up pace in your chest and you were shocked at the realisation that the nerves that you thought only reflected fear and anxiety, also reflected excitement. 

“It’s time.” Max said from somewhere behind you.

You turned and made your way with timid steps towards the linkpod. You climbed on it and the feeling of the green malleable foam woke up a memory inside you, that you fought to push back to where it came from. Now’s not the time. It was cold on your arms and thighs as you lay in it, but weirdly comfortable, like what you would imagine water mattresses you saw in old Hollywood movies to feel. 

Max placed a metal frame of sorts on top on your own and spoke slowly. “Okay, you know the drill, Ace. You have to relax and let your mind go blank. You will be disoriented when you wake up, so take your time in there and don’t rush. Please don’t do a Jake.” 

You chuckled at the story you’ve heard one too many times, but never seemed to get tired of it. 

“We will have to run tests to make sure everything is in order. This is new territory for all of us, and we don’t know how the Avatar will behave yet, so we will take our time and do it right.” 

“Aye aye, Captain.”

You did as you were told and found it hard to relax and let your mind go blank when it was running a million miles an hour with so many emotions, so many thoughts and worries. Still, with all your might, you sat there, and cleared your mind for a split second. It was enough. 

You woke up like from a dream, feeling groggy and tired. Your muscles hurt, a lot. You winced slightly at the gentle touch of a hand, which felt like that time you touched the inside of an electrical socket and got slightly electrocuted. You felt clothes clinging to your body and hated the way the synthetic fabric felt against your skin. You took your first breath and your nose crinkled in disgust at the overbearing smell of alcohol and chloride. 

“Ace? C’mon kid, there you go, you can do it.” 

You finally opened your eyes and groaned at the intense light on the ceiling. Your eyes took a while to focus, but when they did, you saw Norm staring back at you with a smile.

“Hi.” you said, with a deep frown and groggy voice. This was overwhelming. 

“Hi back! Take it easy, alright? Me and Claire will runs some tests to make sure everything’s a-okay. It will take about an hour, I know this whole experience can be a bit strange in the beginning, so hopefully this will ease you into it.”

Norm was a man of his word, and after about an hour of wiggling every part of your body, touching your fingers to your nose, remembering names of objects and repeating it to them, among other things, you were ready to go. You realise to your surprise that you’re excited about going outside. You couldn’t stand the sensation overload that came with being in this lab, in this body. You stood up gently and removed the chords that were still attached to you. You turned around to look at the glass that was reflecting your new figure back at you, and found yourself at a loss for words for the millionth time in 24 hours. It was such a strange feeling, and you knew it would take you a while to get used to looking in the mirror and be met with this. You smiled and waved, knowing Max would be watching you from behind the glass, even though you couldn’t see it. 

Norm handed you a bag, and you peered inside to find a beige loincloth and the top Neytiri gifted you yesterday. “Go change, I think you’ll feel better in these.” 

You did as you were told. Removing the white hospital garb you had on, you looked at yourself fore the first time, properly looked. You were tall. Very tall. And skinny, very skinny. Lean was probably a better word for it, as you couldn’t see an ounce of fat anywhere on your body. You started poking your body in different spots and let out a small laugh at the feeling: it felt like touching soft metal. You were strong. The thought made you happy. You looked again in the mirror at your face. Big yellow eyes looked at you curiously. They traced your nose, and your plump lips and your white freckles, beautiful like the night sky. Your eyes settled on your hair, long and soft and dark and your arm reached behind you to bring your braid into focus. You lifted it and looked in awe at the queue and the way the tendrils were moving on their own accord. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins like water breaking apart mountains to make a canyon of your mind. 

Neteyam’s words suddenly broke through.  “You’re not going to make it.” 

Adrenaline turned into rage and you hated it, hated the boy in that moment. Hated the effect his words had on you, even after so much time. You dressed slowly and tried to make sense of the “top” Neytiri gave you. Once you put it on, you looked back in the mirror and loved the way it looked on you. You also had a newfound appreciation for the soft feel of the feathers and the beads, and took note of the contrast between it and the unnatural feeling hospital gown you were in a few minutes ago. If it wasn’t for your eyebrows and your five fingers and your soft, straight hair, you wondered if anyone could be fooled into thinking you are, in fact, Na’vi. 

“You know nothing about the real world.” 

Dropping the clothes in the bag provided, you took one last look at yourself and saw something in your eyes that wasn’t there before. Determination. The sick, stubborn determination that has always made you push out all reason as soon as someone tells you you can’t do something. 

“Tell Norm no.”

You left the room smiling. You will make him eat his words, and you will enjoy every minute of it.

You reached for the mask packs by the entrance and dropped your hand. You will never have to wear that damn mask again, you thought with satisfaction. As you stood outside, it felt again like emerging in your avatar body for the first time. So many sounds, colours, sensations flooded your being and you couldn’t even register the voice yelling your name until the person that spoke it took you by the shoulders. You hissed at the sudden contact and it shocked you. Where did that come from? 

“Angel, you there?” 

“Give her a second, Lo’ak. This is bound to overwhelm her and you yelling at her isn’t going to speed up the process.”

“I can’t believe she just hissed at me.” 

The world slowly seemed to settle around you, and you focused you sight on the boy in front of you… the boy who was now your height.

“Lo’ak?” 

“Hey, you.” The younger Sully boy gave you a big smile and eyed you intently up and down a few times. “Damn, you’re hot this way, too. This is unfair, you know? But also somehow makes me feel better that it turns out I’m not into a different species altogether, just one girl.” 

You laughed, really laughed. Lo’ak was a charmer, another one of the many many traits he inherited from his dad. 

“You’re shorter than I thought you’d be.” 

“Ouch.” You knew he wasn’t really offended, so you blew a kiss towards him and shifted your attention to the world, that you realise you have never seen before. Not properly. Its beauty left you speechless. You don’t know how you were supposed to function when all you wanted to do is just walk around, smelling the flowers. 

“We have to get going, you’re going to start your training today, and your new boss is not going to be happy if you’re late.”

“My new boss?”

“Yep. Neteyam has been given the tough job of taking your lab ass and turning it into a Na’vi warrior. I have to say, I don’t envy him,  and I definitely don’t envy you.” 

“Lo’ak, shut up.” 

Well, this is going to be fun… You had a hunch Neteyam would have to train you, as Lo’ak is too young and restless and cares about the rules too little, or not at all, to do it, but hearing it as a fact made you shudder. You haven’t spent a whole day with Neteyam in years, and you didn’t particularly care for this new-and-improved version of himself. You wondered silently how this was going to go. If the last two interactions are anything to go by, you were not in for a happy time.  

“Lo’ak should be here any second. I want you to start training her right away. Maybe start with the Pa’li first, and do bow training when that gets too much. You won’t really have to teach her the language, but try to make sure you talk in Na’vi more than in English, and this way you’ll see if there are any gaps in her knowledge and address them. Neteyam, are you listening?” 

The oldest Sully sibling was only half paying attention to what his dad was telling him. In truth, he was scared half to death. He didn’t want to do any of this. This is not how any of this was supposed to go. He couldn’t be around you. He didn’t want to be around you and he most definitely didn’t want to have to teach you the ways of the Na’vi and have to put his own training and responsibilities aside for this. He has already had to teach Lo’ak whenever his parents had better things to do and he was getting so fucking tired of being used as soon as it was convenient for other people. 

He pushed the bitter feelings aside. His parents relied on him for a reason, he tried to remember. They relied on him because they trusted him, and because he fought hard to be worthy of that trust. He had no right to complain, not when he knew how much worse it could be… for better or for worse, at least he had parents to rely on him. The thought made him sad, and he felt guilt at the words he spat at you yesterday. He knew they were for the greater good, but he also knew they crossed a line, a line that he might not be able to cross back from. 

He didn’t have time to think about the consequences of his actions, as he heard a yell that pulled him out of his thoughts and he knew it was time to come face to face with his worst nightmare. 

“We’re here!”, screamed Lo’ak, and Neteyam suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at his immature younger brother. 

He made his way outside of the tent, picking up his knife and placing it on the sheath resting beneath his chest. He took a deep breath, one that got lodged in his throat.

Next to Lo’ak was a girl. The most beautiful girl he has ever laid his eyes on. Her stripes were somehow more accentuated than normal, and they reminded him of his own. It was something he was insecure about growing up, the deep contrast something his friends and even family teased him about relentlessly, but now, looking at it on her, he realised they were blind - he was blind - to have ever hated them. Her eyes were now yellow, a big departure from her human eyes, and although it was strange, just like the rest of her, they still felt familiar to him. Like no matter what body she inhabited, her soul would always shine through, always calling out to him like a moth to a flame. He knew then he’d always feel like this about her, for the rest of his life, no matter what she looked like. Fuck.

“Look at you, kid! You look like you belong already!” 

Jake’s voice cut through the tension that you felt sitting here, being eyed at like you were a new cub at the zoo. The stares made you so uncomfortable you felt like you were going to explode, and could not wait until this was no longer a novelty to anyone, including yourself. 

“Thank you, Jake. For everything. I cannot express how grateful I am that you and Neytiri, and the tribe, are so willing to accept me in the village.” 

“No problem, kid. Anyway, we will have plenty of time to discuss everything tonight at dinner, but for now I think you and Neteyam should head off. There’s a lot to learn.”

“Right.” You turned around and gave a half-smile to Lo’ak, who looked at you like you were a deer in headlights. Maybe you did look how you felt. 

You bid a small goodbye to everyone and suddenly found yourself face to face with the only person you didn’t want to see. 

He started walking without saying a word, and you followed him. You refused to say anything to him, there was nothing to say to him after yesterday. Before yesterday, you might have demanded an explanation, you might have demanded he told you what happened to him in the year he abandoned you, what lead to him leaving without a single word, how dare he forget about what he meant to you and what you knew you meant to him, how could he just forsake you like you were nothing; you would have screamed at him and told him you hated him without meaning it and hoped he would just hug you and told you he’s sorry, that he was stupid and that he’ll never leave you again. None of that came out. You were past that. He crossed a line and you knew it in your mind that no explanation would be enough, no excuse would justify his behaviour enough to satisfy you and make you forget. Not anymore. 

His back was to you as he was leading you away from the Sully tent, and for the first time in your life, you saw him for what he was. A leader, a warrior. He was lean and muscular, and his physique reminded you a lot more of Jake than a Na’vi man’s. His shoulders were broader and his arms were bigger, leading to a more accentuated contrast between them and his waist, and you hated yourself for how it made you feel, how your mouth filled with saliva you had to force yourself to swallow and how your pulse increased so rapidly it almost made you dizzy. He was taller than you, taller than Lo’ak and you knew that even in this body, he would still tower over you. You definitely hated how that made you feel. 

He stopped at the entrance to a tent. He opened the flap of the entrance and motioned for you to enter. You obliged without a word. He followed you in and closed the flap behind him. You didn’t like being in such close proximity, but you knew you’d have to get used to it, so you let it go.

“This is now your tent. Mum and Dad thought you would feel more comfortable with your own space. They also thought you’d like my old training bow. There’s a pouch for your knife that you can put around your torso and I have the knife, but I won’t give it to you until I make sure you won’t kill me with it.” 

As far as an attempt to diffuse an awkward situation goes, this wasn’t half bad. Still, not nearly good enough to matter. He sighed at the lack of response.

“Right. I think we have to get a few things straight.”

Your eyebrow raised, but you let him go on.

“I know you’re mad. I know you’re so mad you’re probably thinking of ways of sticking needles in my eyes. But I don’t care. I was given a responsibility to take care of you and to teach you. I know you think you know everything, but you don’t. I know you think you know this world, but you don’t. Not in the way you need to, to survive. There’s a reason no scientist living on Pandora has ever become one of the people. You can’t see. As my grandma always says, “you cannot fill a cup which is already full”. I know you. Your cup is overflowing. From now on, you do what I say. Pretend you don’t know me, pretend we’re not you and me.” 

“I don’t know you, Neteyam.”

He winced inside at the words. “That’s enough!” He said, forcefully. 

“You answer to me from now on and I want to make sure you understand that. Dad will skin me alive if anything happens to you. You will listen and you will do as I say. Whatever issues you have, you’re going to have to deal with them in your own time.” 

Another blow below the belt, you thought, and reminded yourself that you were here for a reason, you were here to make him eat his words, and if he wanted to play his game this way, you were more than happy to beat him at it. 

“Yes, Sir.” 

You made your way out of the village and walked in silence through the woods. You were looking at the bow in your hand, and carefully traced every mark and scratch on its surface. You couldn’t help wonder about what events in Neteyam’s life lead to each and every one of them, and vowed to yourself that you would take care of this bow with your life, if not for anything else, for the still untarnished memory of that little boy you once loved so much. Once you reached a large clearing, with beautiful lush greenery and a majestic waterfall, you thought this was definitely a much better view for training than the reagent-filled benches of the lab. You saw about half a dozen Pa’li peacefully feeding off the sweet nectar of flowers in the distance, and smiled gently at the sight. You will never get used to it, you knew. 

“First step to being a Na’vi, learning to form Tsaheylu and learning to ride the Pa’li.” Neteyam spoke in Na’vi over the soothing sounds of the forest.

“OK.” You answered shortly.

“In Na’vi. We speak Na’vi from now on.”

“Kurkung (asshole).” Neteyam shoots you a dirty look and you can’t help but smirk. “What? That’s Na’vi. Perfect pronunciation, by the way.” 

His mouth tightened in a straight line and he left you, busying himself with a Pa’li he called over. He caressed it gently and held his hand next to his eye, whispering. 

“Tam tam, Tirea, tam tam.” 

“Get on.” He spoke to you still looking at the Pa’li. 

Even in this body, the direhorse was significantly taller than you, and you shot Neteyam an incredulous look. Regardless, you made your way to the animal and with all of your might, willed yourself to get on top of it. It took a couple of tries, but you eventually succeeded. You were stronger than you realised, and you were excited to discover exactly how strong you could become in time. 

Neteyam gently took the neural whip of the direhorse and guided it to you. You took it in your right hand and stared at it in amazement. You have heard so much about this, you have seen it firsthand with Neteyam’s Ikran, but to know you will now have to make your own Tsaheylu, experience this deep bond you knew everything and yet nothing about, it was terrifying. You left hand went behind your head and brought forward your own queue. This was it. Slowly, you brought the two together, and held tightly on to the Pa’li as the new sensation overwhelmed all of your senses. It felt like all of your neurons were firing at the same time. It felt like you were being electrocuted. As the feeling subsided, you felt a breath that was moving at the same time as your own, you felt a second heartbeat that was going much faster than yours possibly could, and you tried to calm yourself down as you knew the nervousness the animal felt was mirroring your own. Neteyam allowed you a second to experience this for yourself with no interruption, and you appreciated that. He trusted you enough to give you some space, and with everything, at least this hasn’t changed.

“This is Tsaheylu. The bond. Take some time to feel her, feel her heartbeat, her breath. Feel her strong legs. You can tell her what to do, inside your mind. Remember that as you can feel her, she can feel you, too. Your emotions impact her, your thoughts impact her, so you have to calm your mind.Easier said than done in your case, I fear.” 

You felt your anger pick up and the Pa’li let out a scream and rose on its hind legs, throwing you straight in the dirt. Neteyam laughed, but came to help you get up. As you were removing mud from your face and hair and cursing all manners of profanities under you breath, you came to the bitter realisation this was going to be harder than you thought, especially with him as your teacher. 

He still knew you too well. You slapped his hand away and got up by yourself, indignantly. You jumped back on the Pa’li and tried your very, very best, to calm yourself before making the bond. The horse didn’t react as violently as last time, so you figured you were off to a better start. You calmed your mind as much as you could, like you did in the linkpod, and imagined her slowly moving forward. You smiled when she did just that, no words needed. It was hard to be able to maintain your composure when you were LITERALLY mind controlling another living being, but despite it needing active continuous effort, you felt you were doing a good job. You managed to make her go, sprint, gallop and turn, and despite the direhorse’s best efforts, you were somehow still tightly attached to its back. 

After a couple of hours, Neteyam told you to get off. He told you to follow him, and he took off, not sparing you a second glance. You followed him the best you could for a while, desperately trying to overlook how uncomfortable being barefoot made you feel. You didn’t like it at all, and more and more, you felt your heartbeat picking up in your chest and your knees shaking. You felt beads of sweat getting in your eyes and they stung, so you stopped. Your laboured breath became shallow, and your hands were shaking uncontrollably as you raised them to wipe your forehead. You felt your knees collapse under you, and you knew what was about to happen and that it was too late to stop it. 

“Neteyam, wait up.” You called after the blue boy, slight panic in your voice.

“I thought we were supposed to be racing.” 

“You win, alright? Don’t leave me alone in the woods.” 

You saw Neteyam jogging back to where you stood with a guilty look on his face. “You know I’d never leave you alone.”

He picked you up and placed you on his back. “After 16 years, have I ever left you alone?” 

“Well, you’ve been training a lot recently and I barely get to see you anymore, so I would say yes, you leave me alone plenty, more than I can say I care for.” 

“Well, I want to be strong and capable so I can always protect you. I mean look at you, Tuk’s gonna be stronger than you soon.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You pretended to ignore his first sentence and how it lit your entire body on fire. 

You walked like this for a while. You placed your head on his shoulder and peered up at the tall trees. Prolimuris were swinging on them, picking up fruits as they went along. You saw two infants following their mother and stopping on the same branch as her, where she passed them what you were sure was a tasty afternoon snack. You smiled contently at the scene, and at the feeling of warmth Neteyam provided. 

“Put me down, I want to walk! I came with you to exercise, not be carried like a tiny Pandoran baby.” 

He did as you asked, huffing at your forever mercurial temper. 

With your back still to him, you let out a laugh and started running. “Race you to the clearing in the distance?” 

He rolled his eyes, and with a laugh, stopped himself. He always gave you a head start. “Fine, but you can’t get mad when I beat you again!” 

You turned around to give him a smile as you were running and loved the feeling of the ground beneath your feet. The only place you could run around barefoot, the only time you still felt alive. 

You came to an abrupt halt when your foot touched something strange, something unnatural. You slowly looked at your feet and froze in place as the smooth pale object made your blood run cold. It couldn’t be. You stepped away from it, not leaving it from your view and slowly, deliberately knelt down next to it. You heard Neteyam coming to a halt behind you, but couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge his presence. Your hands started digging in the ground with morbid curiosity and the sounds around you became muffled as your erratic heartbeat was the only thing you could still hear. You removed the ground around it and tears formed in your eyes at the realisation that this was indeed what you feared it was: a human skull. A human skull you just stepped on. Before you knew it, your hands were reaching for a glimmer of silver shining in the shallow grave. You lifted it to your eye line and heard yourself scream, wail louder than you ever had before. The panic that overtook you was primal, but not unfamiliar and you threw the dog tag on the ground, with enough force you hoped would bury it further than anybody would ever be able to dig. You couldn’t see properly anymore, the tears and dizziness flooding your senses and you prayed you passed out, prayed to make this stop, prayed you were back in your room where your Xanax always lay by your bedside table. In a blind rage, you were clawing at your feet, trying to remove the dirt, remove the skin that stepped on your dad’s dead body like it was a gum wrapper on the pavement. Soon enough, you could taste the metal taste of blood that was lingering in the air and by the grace of whatever spirit was out there still looking after you, you felt yourself collapse in Neteyam’s arms. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi

[niicevibe]

How you meet and fall in love with aizen x female reader plz

Fluff

Ooh boy, I can't imagine this would be an easy thing to accomplish at all, but let's dive in. Jeez, this ran longer than I meant it to, though, but a build up to the fluff you asked for was totally necessary.

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: fem!reader requested, fluff (+ a sprinkling of angst near the end bc it's Aizen).

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: alcohol consumption, kidnapping(ish), Aizen-level manipulation turned semi-affectionate behaviour??? an a dash of unspoken obsession??? i have no idea what to call it, lmao.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.5k

izakaya → a japanese bar. haori → the white garb shinigami captains wear over the black shihakushō.

see sōsuke/reader headcanons here.

Sōsuke, being a man who's had his eyes wide open for quite a while now, probably would've been considering this as an option for his grand scheme of destroying the Soul Society. Sure, he has his Kyōka Suigetsu that already made him rather invincible to those who have seen its release. He doesn't need to go as far as finding a partner to help blind the entire Gotei from his plans, rather, he finds the idea of playing "house" amusing, it being likely that he hasn't bothered to pursue any kind of relationship out of a lack of interest... at the time.

Like I've mentioned before, Sōsuke would have only decided to pursue you if the right conditions have been met. I strongly believe in him being demi-romantic/demi-sexual, and for those who don't already know, being demi-romantic/demi-sexual means that someone only develops romantic feelings or only has strong sexual feelings for another person when they have a strong emotional connection to them. A bond has to exist.

As good an actor as he is, he wouldn't want to bother with the extra effort of it. He'd likely use that effort to find someone good enough to play his co-star. His and yours' ideals would have to align, and while Sōsuke's emotional range doesn't exactly involve direct romancing, there is a degree to which he would allow himself to cross-- for the sake of his plans, he'd tell himself. That established connection I spoke of would have to be strong for him to go through with it.

His searching is casually done, ear to the ground while he performs his duties as Captain and as he strategizes. He's put small feelers out, briefly mentioning in a forced conversation that he "wouldn't mind" finding a good woman to settle down with. And for a good amount of time, no one has managed to cross his path that interested him.

Ironically, it'd been a bit of tipsy mumbling that caught his attention.

A simple outdoor izakaya east of the Seireitei had been the location the voice had come from, complaints that eventually turn into sensical verbiages that has Sōsuke tuning into you. Why does the Soul Society do things one way and not the other? Why weren't we deployed there to save those Rukongans? Why did they have to die because we couldn't act on our own? Sōsuke can sense your heartache; it resonates with him all too well.

You're sitting all alone, no companion and no other guests around. Understandable; it is quite late now. He decides to approach you upon recognizing you as one of his higher ranked officers, sitting down in the stool next to yours where you slump into the table, tears streaming down your face and onto the wood.

Don't get confused by what happens next, now. Sōsuke isn't here to offer sympathy or comfort. He found someone who both has constraints against the Soul Society for its never-ending poor decision-making, and who is in a state of vulnerability. It only makes inserting himself your mind that much easier.

He'll pull the end of his haori into his fingers and reach for your face, lightly dabbing at your emotionally-heated cheeks until your eyes open, and they open wide. Perhaps you're too deep into the bottle of sake only inches from your head to fully register that it's Captain Aizen wiping your tears away, but when you address him as such, maybe not.

"... it's so unfair, Captain Aizen..." You sniff unapologetically loud. "This life is so unfair."

His stare down at you is lukewarm, while his thoughts sear his brain, telling him that you could be just what he's looking for.

"Hm... It is unfair, isn't it?"

Conveniently enough, the izakaya is meant to be closing, prompting its owner to inquire about Sōsuke's subordinate.

"She's one of yours, right, Captain? Mind seeing that she gets home? She's a good kid."

Perhaps it should be inconvenient that a Captain has to carry his Third Seat home from over his shoulder, but his mind races with the possibilities he now has by inserting him into your memories. Will you remember him? Or will your brain erase him by morning? Will he have to start from scratch? Remind you of his favour performed to you?

Apparently, come the next day, neither of those became necessary. At a time in the morning that you knew he'd be awake and decent, you arrived at the doors of his quarters holding a small, hastily wrapped package between trembling fingers. You hadn't lost your memory, no thanks to the dangerous amount of liquor you drank the night before. It'd all been in an effort to erase the day's memories, as you don't necessarily normally drink yourself into near unconsciousness. It simply was too much of a sight to bear weight for. Despite your rank and seasoned skills, well... No one should have to see what you did.

When the door opens, you flinch, prepared physically considering how fast you ran to the nearest shop to purchase the contents of the parcel you currently hold in a death grip, but mentally? You can feel the shame of your behaviour the night prior pooling beneath your tongue, and so, your begin to speak before he can.

"C-Captain Aizen! I'm here to apologize for last night! I'm... still in disbelief that you carried me home, but... my public display of intoxication, I swear, sir, that doesn't portray my character whatsoever. I-I'm not like that, I-I promise--"

"Good morning, Third Seat ______." You blink owlishly at him, once more in a shock that stops your heart when he interrupts you. "Calm down. I'm not upset with you. And, I didn't think for a moment that it reflected your professionalism."

Naturally, the moment Sōsuke returned to his quarters, he'd pulled up whatever information was available in your files to peruse the woman he'd chosen to pursue.

"Besides, I know of your accomplishments. I've heard the praises sung of you, _____."

Not a total lie. He has heard of his third seat's performance in regards to the reports delivered to him after your involvement in certain events. Reflecting on them through the evening only solidified the fib.

"O-Oh... what a relief, then." You exhale rather sharply before finally extending the package to your superior. "An apology gift, sir. It's just a simple tea set, but the tea paired with it is exquisite."

"A kind gesture, but this isn't necessary, _____. It was no trouble to assist you to your quarters. It was a mere coincidence that I'd been passing through in that direction."

You persist on him taking it, something that amuses him for a reason he can't place. He sees you won't take no for an answer, simply because the embarrassment you'd experienced upon recalling his hands on you has your insistence fuelling your exchange.

"Well... since you're so insistent on making things up to me, why don't you come in and brew us a pot of one of those "exquisite" teas you mentioned?"

Another won opportunity, Sōsuke muses to himself as you unravel the wrappings and set out the items with still shaking hands. He notes this; wonders if your nerves getting to you is due to a hidden authority complex, or if it's him in particular. He wouldn't mind it either way. Perhaps you're like his lieutenant in this way, but he hopes not. At the very least, you'd better have a fighting spirit for when the time comes.

Over tea, he insists on conversation, even pulling out a package of sweets for the two of you to share. You're nervous, and it shows, but Sōsuke does well to soften you out. Before long, the two of you chat like old friends, until your respective duties were due to interrupt it.

For a while, it remains like this, things like passing greetings and idle chatter when you make increased personal deliveries of reports to his office. There's always a fresh pot of tea awaiting your arrival, as if he'd expected you be the one to come until it became a true pattern; at the same times of those select days of the week, your presence became a part of the upholstery to his office, his quarters.

Even if it'd meant filling your day to the brim with little time to rest, you could barely find it in you to mind. The man you've known as "Captain" for a forgotten number of years by this is the same man whose mild mannerisms and soft-spoken concerns, whose sense of duty and a sense of when and how to settle down after a taxing day, and whose apparent interest in you no longer seems to tiptoe on the line of subordinate and superior. Your desire to admit your own fallacy is no more easily ignorable than an oncoming horde of Adjuchas. And while you are surprised that Sōsuke is the one to say the words first, to suggest that the two of you address the unnamed emotional attention between you, well naturally, it doesn't faze him one bit.

It went all according to his plans, after all. So why would finally having you dancing in his palm surprise him? No, that isn't what gets him at all. It the fact that he enjoys playing this small game of house with you. The domestication, the comforts, the eased worries, and not just through you being his third seat or by you helping to solidify his act of being one of the kindest captains in the Gotei Thirteen. There's something different that he has trouble articulating. Because never in his time in the Soul Society has he attempted to search out a person to love when it served him no true purpose.

But he enjoys the doting, the coddling, even the light chastising when he's caught lightly teasing his lieutenant. He enjoys your willingness to listen, hearing him out when he finally tests the waters and speaking on what you'd been drunkenly mumbling about the night he came across you at that izakaya. Why the Soul Society behaves the way it does, about the Soul King's existence, about the Royal Guard, none of which you'd been privy to until that moment... And with a deep discussion, you come to conclude that maybe this place isn't the paradise you were promised after death. That maybe, something needs to be done.

He wouldn't involve you on the plans that he, Gin, and Tōsen have laid out. It's hard to decide whether "trust" is the right word to use, but Sōsuke teeters on that lip of whether he would trust you enough to ever involve you in them. So far, things have only been spoken on in theory.

And so, on the day that Garganta split across the highest point in the sky above the Seireitei, he'd managed to split your mind. He'd kept you in the dark, kept you privy to what you didn't need to know, apparently. With so much having gone on already during the Ryōka Invasion, like Sōsuke's apparent death and him leaving you behind so abruptly in order to suit those plans he'd only theorized and shared with you, witnessing his lies unfold with his hand plunged through the Kuchiki girl's chest... so many thoughts and questions running through your head... yet despite the emergence of such a desperate, new situation...

... wondering whether he ever even cared for you became the biggest, most enraging one of them all. And whether he'll bother to answer to it or not, somehow, he still makes that one drastic decision that makes you float within that golden light, higher in the air, despite your weak, embarrassed protesting.

Because on the day you brought over that quaint little tea set as a means of asking for forgiveness, and partook in a cup of morning tea with your captain that led you into daring to imagining domesticity with him, abduction and betrayals weren't what you envisioned for your future. But he's always been an insect of a man with many plans, and you simply became trapped within the web of them.

While having a true, genuine connection to Sōsuke might seem impossible, don't sell yourself short. You've been with him long enough that he's seen merit in keeping you around, not simply as a mask, and not only during the time of his act while still in the Soul Society. Even post abduction to Hueco Mundo, he finds it difficult to understand he took those actions in the first place. Why did he bring you after all? Did he, perhaps, play that character too well, that now he's left with an unnatural attachment to you?

Sōsuke isn't someone who makes mistakes. It's why he's gotten away with doing so much over the past 100+ years. It's how he managed to fool you... and apparently, himself. Now, he always has you close by, while you do your best to make the best of a scary situation. It isn't that you've fallen out of love with Sōsuke Aizen-- not at all. Having spent so many years with him, you know it's simply impossible. And while you can't condone all that he's done, you're able to at least detach yourself from the truth of it. He's given you many other reasons to love him, after all.

On the sidelines during meetings with his ten Espada, you'll stand either near the wall (preferably) or near him (to be protected by his reiatsu against all the others' reiatsu). The space you share with him in his tower is comfortable... mostly empty and minimalist, but comfortable. You certainly could do without those two helpers who stare their daggers into your back (and who would just love to drive their weapons into it, too), but you know that you're covered there.

A lot of his attention goes on you. He's sure of your bitterness, and while he finds that your rage is an extremely attractive emotion on you, he does well in quelling it.

The Sōsuke you fell in love with in the Soul Society and the Sōsuke you play house with in Las Noches... two very different people. While in his guise, Sōsuke was a patient lover. In fact, he would've tiptoed around you to make sure he didn't push anything too far with you, simply to keep that mask up. You never admitted to him that it bothered you, but since the act is up, you thought to be honest with him about your feelings. All of them. Even the dark and downright hateful ones you have for him abducting you from your home.

This Las Noches Sōsuke shows no holds barred. Everything of him is laid on the table and most days, it's more than you can handle. Being so unfamiliar with the premise of it, Sōsuke doesn't know if he can truly name the emotions he feels for you as "love". But at the very least, he can admit to himself that if you hadn't been here with him, he would be different.

(that's it, that's all I've got for this crazy, crazy man ����‍💨)

[demlunzel]

“RADIODUST MAKES NO SENSE! BESIDES AL IS ACE”

Many people who ship radiodust happen to be ace, aro, or both (Including myself as I’m ace). Acearo has a spectrum. There are sex favorable and sex repulsed if u wanna be more generic. For sex favorables, it is often the mental and emotional experience that is most important in terms of attraction. Sex itself is not appealing to us. There are acearo sex workers as well, because as the position implies, it is a job, a performance, a persona. Not actual attraction. Ergo not only can Alastor be shipped with Angel, but Angel themselves can be ace too (Headcanoned obviously). He is under a soul contract after all and likely signed it due to the fact he has no other means of survival.

Angel is usually under some sort of high or intoxicated in some manner. This plus Valentino’s emotional manipulation/abuse and physical abuse and rape, adds onto the fact that none of this is via Angel’s consent. At best sex and drugs are a numb distraction. In the comic, we see a box of toys Angel has. At first, it is labeled “For fun” with a heart. It’s then crossed out and relabeled as Work shit. He’s reaching his breaking point and that distraction isn’t working anymore.

This is only further proved in Addict

If Angel did crave a relationship or ever got into a serious one, his sexual needs wouldn’t be as intense as people portray. He’s had enough of just sex. He wants actual love.

Which by the way

Aroace is, as mentioned before, a spectrum. One can be demisexual and demiromantic and still be considered aroace. This also goes for angled aroaces, who usually only feel attraction once or twice in their life

If Alastor were ever to gain a serious emotional connection with anyone, that would be his main focus. Alastor is one of the few demons in hell that doesn’t want Angel for his body. It’s likely extremely refreshing for Angel, bc then he knows that Alastor’s intentions should they get together, would never be to use him like that.

And in Alastor’s case

Most demons usually view him in three ways;

Someone that should be feared and avoided

Someone that should be feared and treated aggressively as he is a threat

Or, someone with great power and can be used if on his good side

Angel views him in none of those ways.

He never treated him aggressively, nor did he run from him. And he isn’t the type to get involved in more overlord drama

Another thing that bothers me is that people sometimes portray Angel as pushy to get Alastor in bed. Which is just not in character. Out of everyone, Angel knows what it’s like to be forced into sexual situations without one’s consent. And he and Alastor both have a moral code. A fucked up one, but a moral code nonetheless.

During their first meeting, Angel had no way of knowing Alastor wasn’t into that sorta shit, as he just learned about his existence (Likely from constantly being high and drunk all the time since with knowing Vox he should’ve heard Alastor’s name mentioned at some point). Once Alastor turned him down Angel didn’t make any sort of pushy comment or sexual action towards him afterwards. He simply brushed it off saying “Your loss”.

As for personality, despite the two appearing extremely different, they have several similarities as well that balance things out. Both are mischievous, witty, quick mouthed, and would often banter as proved in the hunicast streams. (The VAs may not have them completely accurate, but they have a better understanding of the characters as they are the ones performing as them)

Both Alastor and Angel also lived within the same era. The 20s if you wish to be specific. Alastor died in 1933 whereas Angel died in 1947. It wouldn’t be surprising if Angel himself would listen to the radio quite a bit while alive. Not to mention, music tastes (While still extremely different) could overlap.

And while this is hardly any solid means of evidence, while I was studying Alastor’s heritage (Creole) and voodoo, I stumbled across this

“The spirit of beauty, jewelry, dancing, luxury and flowers”

“She represents the epitome of femininity and compassion”

“Her colors are white and pink”

“Sometimes referred to as angel”

So yeah. There’s that.

While I’m aware they won’t be canon, the dynamic this has along with the character development is too appealing to ignore and I’m tired of ppl shitting on Radiodust as an excuse as to why they just don’t ship it. You don’t have to hate a ship in order to not ship it. Just respect others.

[nemeseos-noctua]

God I love your work so much?? You guys are amazing .

Can I request how Albedo, Xiao and Diluc react to their s/o pushing them away in attempt to keep them safe from danger? (Eg they may be the traveller who is connected with the fatui and the abyss aand therefore fears for their s/o's safety.

Tysm!! I love your guys' writing style. requesting this specifically bc it's not fair Xiao gets to be to edgy one all the time in the fics🙄 how does it feel to get pushes away now loverboy? (/j!! I love him just thought this prompt would be a neat inversion).

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: albedo, xiao, diluc (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: not proofread, blood, mentions albedos story (spoilers), xiao story spoilers, reader is not traveler

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: hehe tysm!! ALSO 100% haha i LOVEEE xiao but yk he be a lil stingy when it comes to safety! i want to tuck him in and tell him it’ll be alright 😔😔

during your travels across teyvat, you have encountered far more fatui and abyss mages than you’d care to count

and some of which— had some, err, not so kind grudges against you

these grudges were so serious that you began to worry for albedo’s safety. you personally did not care for blood staining your hands nor soul—but if that blood was albedo’s... oh boy

so, coming to a conclusion... you decided on the inevitable: keep albedo at arm’s length—for your heart and his

and, it worked. for a month, it worked. your visits to his camp in dragonspine lessened, your chaste kisses and morning voice left his life like... regrettably, his master

Staring up at the whirling winds of Dragonspine, Albedo’s teal eyes trailed over the ice, wishing to see a familiar silhouette among its blizzard.

He had been counting. It has been five days, two minutes, and 54 seconds since you last visited him—

Hah, just kidding. He didn’t count—but it has been five days.

Where were you? Maybe you were busy—the alchemist knew you had a life outside of—well, him. 

It was unfair of him to be impatient, for you had been nothing short of patient towards him. But still, his heart longs and yearns for your touches, his head feels cold without your fingers twisting through his silky blonde hair. 

Dragonspine was cold, but without you, it was colder.

he’d eventually head back down to mondstadt, solely for the purpose of finding you

his mind got the best of him as he spiraled into a brief insanity. maybe he did something to make you mad? maybe you were injured, recovering without his aid? so many questions spinning around his head he almost missed the sight of your [e/c] eyes

“[Y/N]—“ Albedo’s voice cut through the crowds of Mondstadt as the alchemist rushed forward. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, desperation taking over him as he reached a hand out for you.

“Albedo...?” You stopped in your tracks, taking in the sight of your boyfriend’s unruly hair and tired eyes. His lips were still purple—as if he had come back down from Dragonspine recently.

“Where were you?” The alchemist asked, his gloved hand wrapped around your wrist delicately, his eyes scanning all over you as to check whether you were injured or not.

“Ah... I was—adventuring,” You sweatdropped, the coldness of his gloves stinging your wrist, your eyes wide at how cold he was.

he doesn’t believe you—hah. of course he doesn’t, albedo is a genius in fields he wishes to study

he knows you too well to fall for your mindless responses or excuses, he knows your eyes too well to succumb to the smile on your lips or kindness in your touch

he knows, he knows he knows he knows—so why? what are you hiding? why are you hiding? from him of all people?

everyone has secrets—albedo is aware, for he has his own share. but please, can’t you spare his heart? just this once?

“Tell me the truth, [Y/N],” Albedo asked—no, begged. He wanted to know what kept you so far from his reach, what stopped you from visiting him or loving him or just being with him. Was he the problem? Was this the end of your love?

“I...” You looked away, tugging the alchemist against the current of the crowds, seeking an area for just the two of you.

And once you found it, you pulled the blonde into a hug. The coldness of his coat didn’t faze you, nor did the way his eyes widened or the way his arms hesitantly wrapped back around you.

“I don’t want someone like you to get involved with me, Albedo. You’re...” You looked away, your face still buried into the alchemist’s shoulder. 

“... A weakness. You’re a weakness that’ll be used against me.”

albedo is in utter disbelief

he—you—what?!

he’s... your weakness?

albedo doesn’t know whether to be flattered or hurt. he knows you have a dangerous job, he knows about the amount of letters you receive threatening him or you, he knows what you’re doing is for the better...

but—he cannot allow it. he wants to hold you without regrets, he wants to kiss you and eat lunch with you at good hunter...

“[Y/N],” Albedo breathed, cupping your cheeks in the palm of his hands as he stared violently into your eyes. Gaze softening, he couldn’t bring it in himself to scold you for all the worries you brought him to.

“I promise you—that even if Fatui and Abyss Mages disrupt my alchemy, I promise that I want to get involved with you—I, I want to be with you.”

His heart, it wants so much, it wants to have you, it wants to love you.

So please—won’t you let him do that? 

xiao also has many people out for his throat

well, i suppose... the difference between those ‘people’ and your ‘people’ is the fact that xiao’s debts are owed to the dead

the whispers, the screams, the agony. it plagues every part of his mind, like a melody with no beat, like an endless tune that he will hear for the rest of time

and you—you’re like, the charm. the ward and sigil that scares away all of those demons. you’re the sunshine that seeps through the cracks of caves

and now... you’re drifting. like a ship at sea, he wonders... will you be back?

regrettably—you think—maybe, maybe... you won’t return

What is this? The third week Xiao has sat atop the roof of Wangshu Inn? Hoping mindlessly to hear your steps up the staircase?

Hah. Is this who he has become? An adeptus who waits for a mortal like you to come, an adeptus who should be defending Liyue, and yet, here he is.

he’s a bit... put off

like. who are you to make him feel this way, mortal? (derogatory) 

he doesn’t want to admit it... but... he misses you. there! he said it. he misses you. now can you come back, please?

he knows, he knows he is not the best lover... that he is blunt, enigmatic, and sometimes... rude. but— but you, you accept him for that

and he ponders atop the roof of wangshu inn—perhaps, was this ignoring scheme long overdue? have you finally grown tired of him and all of his karma? have you found someone better—someone you can love you, hold you, and care for you like you deserve?

he hopes—the answer is no

but he knows... the answer is probably yes

“Oh, [Y/N]! You’re back!” Verr Goldet’s hushed voice ran through the adeptus mind as his form shot up almost instantly. Staring down from his position on the roof, his yellow eyes stared over at your familiar form, your [e/c] eyes and vision that dangled from your hip.

“Haha, sorry about that.” 

You smiled, but Xiao didn’t miss the way you winced upon doing so. Your arms and legs were wrapped with bandages, dried splotches of red and clothing as messy as could be.

“Your room is upstairs, sleep well,” Verr Goldet nodded knowingly, a bittersweet grin on her face as her mind flickered to the thought of Xiao and his shortening temper.

once you step out onto the balcony, you do not need to look to see who has appeared beside you

“Hello, Xiao!” You say openly, arms outstretched for a hug as the adeptus merely stared at you. Three weeks. Three weeks without you, three weeks too many—and here you were, opening your arms like you had just returned back from an hour long trip.

“ . . . “ Staying silent, Xiao could only cross his arms, glaring at you with mixed emotions. He was relieved to see you back and ‘happy’, but still, he was frustrated and irritated at the way you behaved so recklessly.

“You owe me an expla—“

“—nation,” You finished for the male, an exasperated smile gracing your features as you turned over to the balcony, the setting moon and proud stars soaring like the birds of Mondstadt.

“I was... dealing with some encounters,” Your tone was laced with a malice even he wasn’t expecting, the number of bandages scouring your skin finally making sense as his eyes narrowed into slits.

“Fatui? Tell me where they are, I wi—“

“No.”

Turning over to him fully, Xiao’s breath hitched. Ugh, again—you and your pretty smile and charming features. The simplest things you do made him go insane like the karmic debts that flourished through his mind.

“You can’t get involved, Xiao. They will only go after you. I returned here today to tell you that I’ll be going off for three month—“

“What?” The Yaksha breathed in disbelief. Did he hear right? Were you seriously leaving again?! 

“I said, I am leaving again... Xiao. It’s not you—Celestia no... it’d never be you. It’s just...” You looked around, to anywhere, anyone but him. If you glanced at him now, chances are you’d succumb to his sunny eyes and stay back at Wangshu Inn. 

“... The Fatui. I got on their wanted list and—I don’t want them to use you against me. So I’ll go out and get rid of them, and I’ll be ba—“

“No.”

It was his turn to decline, for he didn’t want to hear anything you had to say. You got on the Fatui’s wanted list?! What?! He...

He was going to kill them. 

“Do you think I am weak, [Y/N]? Eons of slaughter and—“ 

“Xiao!” You facepalmed, raising your voice slightly at the male as he blinked, taken aback that you, a mortal would ever thing of committing such a heinous crime towards a divine being like him.

“You’re not weak! It’s just... I’m weak. And if they find you, they could just threaten me with everything they’d do to you! Even if nothing happened at all...” Your voice died down, your heart hammering against your chest as Xiao’s eyes softened.

Xiao was—speechless. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. Nobody had ever thought of him so kindly before, neither have they ever treated him as something other than a weapon of war.

So, he vowed. Like the night Rex Lapis found him all those millennia ago, like the night he broke free from the chains of manipulation—he vowed, time and time again—

“I will protect you, [Y/N]. For there is no need to protect me.”

[internal screaming]

diluc, of all people, no longer is afraid of ‘grudges’ or ‘debts’ owed to the fatui or abyss order. he dances with evil, masquerading each night for his life

and now, the only light in his world full of darkness, the only fire in the cold icy winds...

left

you left. you left with a little note saying you’d be back in what—five months?

a part of him was... shocked. it was surprised at how abrupt it was. one moment, the two of you were laying in bed, cradling each others’ forms. and the next? you were gone

the other part of him was... worried. did you want to leave him? what was this about? did you owe debt to the fatui? you could’ve told him, he would’ve payed for it all in a heartbeat

but diluc of mondstadt—hah, he was not known for stepping down so easily. so until he figures out why you left so suddenly, he is not stopping his search for the truth

and once he so happens to run into lumine and asks the traveler where you’ve been—he’s shocked

at first, he thinks lumine must me mistaken. what? what do you mean “[y/n] is heading out to fight the abyss herald”, you’re kidding... haha...

(lumine swore she saw her life flash before her eyes when diluc wrapped his head around the news)

diluc feels a bit... guilty. he feels guilty that he didn’t know sooner, he feels guilty that the abyss order is bothering you like how it bothers him, he feels guilty for everything

Wiping some blood that spilled from the corner of your mouth, you grimaced at the metallic taste. 

What was it? Err... day five? This was the first Abyss Herald you have encountered so far, and you could only assume it was the first of many.

Standing up, you sheathed your weapon. Your vision glowed brightly in the darkness of the ruins, the moon illuminating the way out as you sighed, pulling yourself across the stone cold floor.

As you trudged outside and into the moonlight, a twig cracked under a foot that wasn’t yours, prompting you to reach out and materialize your weapon, charging it with power from your vision.

“Who?”

Stepping out from the trees, your eyes widened at a sight you hadn’t expected to see—at least, expected to see this soon.

“Diluc?” You breathed, heaving a sigh of relief as the male took no notice to your words, instead, his vermilion eyes traced over your battered form, his eyes worrying even more with each glance he spared.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, rushing up to you as he pulled out some bandages, wrapping them around your wounds so he could get you back to the winery.

pushing yourself away from his grasp, diluc watched in hurt as you kept him away from your figure

“i couldn’t—i didn’t want you to get involved,” you mumbled guiltily, looking away from the male as his eyes seemed to berate you silently

“me involved? what do you mean?” diluc asks in disbelief. he of all people should be the one telling you that

“the abyss. i got in a tumble with them and now they’re after my blood,” you murmured, only causing diluc’s heart to pound even louder in his chest, his brain flickering to unpleasant memories as he rushed up to you, securely placing his hands on your shoulders

He’s... speechless. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He’s usually the one keeping people at arms-length—yet here you were, stealing his lines and his worries.

“I...” Diluc paused, trying to form words, and yet, nothing came to mind.

“...”

Silence. It filled the ambience and your hearts, yet, it was not the same silence in the abyss, nor was it the same silence before a nightmare.

It was a silence of awe, a silence that you’d hear before a firework would shoot up in the sky—it was calming, a relaxing wave like a seashell pressed against your ear.

A silent love—like the one you and Diluc shared. An unsung melody that played in the beat of your hearts, the breaths of the wind...

A silent promise, like a marriage or a confession, a promise to—

“I will be by your side, [Y/N]. No matter what.”

Through thick and thin, cold and warm, there is nothing but you two, two lovers against the darkness, dancing with ghosts and evil.

— constellations! 💫

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

Apollo/Lester Propaganda:

Bro thinks everyone is in love with him and only waiting for him to ask, to do anything he wants, but no one actually cares about him <3 He learns through the books, though

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

[rookiesbookies]

Alright more Jason headcanons no one asked for

Jason has freckles. In the winter they disappear which would be so cute to see his freckles mixed in with his scars.

Jason is totally latino in some way, I just feel it in my soul that he is. He would speak broken Spanish, curse in Spanish, cook Spanish foods. I just love that idea.

Jason can cook, this is canon. Jason learned to cook taking care of himself as a kid and refined it with Alfred as Robin.

Dick can not cook and Jason does not let him in any kitchen, Alfred feels the same and also does not let Dick in the kitchen.

Jason totally plays guitar or some instrument, I can give a number of reasons for this. Like bc he saw it and thought it was cool or because he had time to waste and thought it would be fun

Jason has baby face, and was an adorable child. The back story I like is the one where he’s a “street rat” and not a copy of Dick’s backstory.

Jason one time spent 5 months fixing a broken watch for Bruce. This canonly shows that as a kid he was super handly and I imagine he’s very “do it yourself” as an adult. If he can fix something himself he will or he’ll fail trying.

Jason loves bread, breads are hard to come by at food pantries and I imagine that he loves pasties and baked goods because of this. So imagine him baking bread with his S/O (and not baby making, like cooking)

I feel like Jason is Demi. I understand he could be A-spec but it doesn’t quite fit him, and I see him being like Pan or Omni but I think Demisexual/Demiromantic (basically you have to have a strong emotional connection with someone before you can have sexual/romantic attraction to them) fit in with him and his trauma and everything about him really well. Which is why he’d be so off put by Kori kissing him in that one set of comics and not enjoy one night stands.

Also I head canon Jason not liking one night stands. Like he can barely handle physical affection from his brothers, how is he going to have sexual relations with someone he doesnt know, especially if he’s scared he’ll strip and they’ll think he’s a monster for his scars.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ��stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.