#bc it was the only emotion that came with the illusion of control

[storm-of-feathers]

Trauma looks like that sometimes. A lot of the time. It was never going to be Ruby sobbing and asking for help it was always going to be her lashing out because she's traumatized to a point she still doesn't think she should ask for help. And based on her outburst it's also that she thinks she shouldn't have to.

[acciotaitlynn]

Another Xavier fic bc I’m obsessed with this man

⋆˙⟡ I really just started writing fics and yall i’m kinda proud of this one 😭

𓃹 Very loosely based on Xavier’s succumb card

𓃹 Dom xav, possessive xav, xav/reader, female reader, pure smut/little plot, slight exhibitionism, fingering, vaginal sex

𓃹 3,164 words

₊˚⊹⁠♡————— ⁠♡ —————♡⊹⁠˚₊ ₊˚⊹⁠♡————— ⁠♡ —————♡⊹⁠˚₊

Xavier could feel his restraint dangling by the thinnest of threads, ready to snap at any given moment—Ever since you bolted from the table, mentioning something about old friends before darting out of the club to meet two young, cocky hunters he had never laid eyes on, that thread had been fraying.

At times, he found it almost comical— how, before you came along, he’d been so confident in his so-called unshakable composure.

It hadn’t taken you long to shatter that illusion, sweeping into his life like a flash of starlight, awakening emotions he’d never known and feelings that defied his control.

Even in past lives where he walked by your side, you had never affected him like this.

No—only this version of you, his you, had the power to unravel him, the power to leave him completely overtaken by need and a possessiveness that felt almost primal.

You were pinned against the cold granite sink in the bathroom of an upscale Linkon nightclub, Xavier’s firm chest molded to your back, your head tipping back to rest just above his heart.

Your wide, confused eyes reflected back at him in the mirror as you tried to figure out why he had so urgently pulled you from the alley.

Why his usual calm, composed demeanor had shifted into something far more commanding and dominant.

His fingers toyed lazily with your tongue, his gaze never leaving yours as you tried to piece it together, to figure out what you’d done wrong.

As expected, you had no clue, which didn’t surprise him in the least—you never seemed to understand the impact your words and actions had on others, especially on him.

“Did you mean what you said back there?” his voice was calm and steady, so at odds with the tension humming around you that it left you feeling unsettled.

You replayed the exchange with the two hunters in the alley, trying to pinpoint what exactly had pissed Xavier off.

You’d just been doing your thing, handling a situation you’d been putting off— running off some guys who’d been causing you trouble, when Xavier stormed in, lit the place up, and scared the hell out of everyone before dragging you back here.

Irritation flickered in his gaze as his fingers pressed down on your tongue until you gagged.

Through your teary, narrowed eyes in the mirror, you caught his response—a slow, mocking smirk.

Well?” he drawled, prompting you to respond.

“D-did I mean what!?” you choked out, your words slurred and distorted by his fingers.

“In the alley,” he muttered softly, venom in his voice, “you called me ‘just another hunter’ in front of those pathetic friends of yours.”

When the words first tumbled from your lips, he thought he must have misheard you. But no—you kept going, going on about all the hunter friends you knew and how they could provide backup if these guys didn’t back off.

He knew you probably had what you thought was a justifiable reason for lying, but honestly, he didn’t give a damn.

It had been a rough day—taking down an alarming number of wanderers had drained both his energy and patience, and your casual dismissal of him had been a tipping point of sorts.

But, if he were being honest, he was almost glad you’d said something so infuriating, glad you’d gotten him this worked up.

You’d handed him the ideal opportunity to vent all the day’s frustrations, right here on your pretty little body.

His fingers abandoned your lips to wrap around your throat as he smiled down at you.

“If you don’t want to answer, I can always provide some motivation.”

His tone carried a darker promise that his smile didn’t—answer him, or he’d make you.

As his grip tightened, panic surged through you instantly. You’d been on the receiving end of a Xavier interrogation before—you knew just how capable he was of extracting answers from the deepest parts of you, even the things you wished to keep hidden.

“Angh! N-no, Xav! I didn’t mean it—I was making things up!” you gasped out.

His grip loosened, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Sure, I get that. But why? Who were they?”

His tone was so condescending, as if he were humoring a child.

“Just some hunters I crossed paths with during a mission! They attempted to steal the protocores I retrieved. Ever since, they’ve been tailing me, sulking and looking for payback.”

You shoved against him, trying to wriggle free, but it was pointless. His tall frame might as well have been a brick wall.

Grinding your teeth in frustration, you huffed and met his eyes in the mirror, not missing the amused, smug little glint as he took in your struggle.

“Apparently tonight was their big moment for revenge—they tracked me here and cornered me in the alley. Then you showed up, making a complete fool of yourself, by the way! Which, frankly, made me wish my original plan had worked since I lied about who you were to keep you from getting involved.”

Your voice was tinged with irritation—those guys had really pissed you off, Xavier was in one of his moods, and on top of everything, you were starving.

Irritation wasn’t the strongest emotion running through you, though—you held his gaze, trying your hardest not to show how completely turned on you were by his actions.

You could already feel a familiar warmth gathering between your thighs, the dampness a sign that maybe you enjoyed it a little too much when he was like this…

His possessive grip and the heat radiating from his stare had been steadily unraveling you since he pulled you into this room.

You knew exactly what he wanted, and despite your growing irritation with him, you had no intention of resisting.

You could never resist him.

He squeezed your cheeks in his hand, giving your head a small shake, “maybe now you’ll stop trying to hide things from me,” he said, with a tone that suggested such a thing wasn’t even remotely possible.

You yanked your head away, grumbling, “ass,” just loud enough for him to hear.

He chuckled lightly, shifting to the straps of your tank top instead, yanking them down roughly to expose your breasts.

He followed his movements in the mirror as he tugged on your soft nipple, eyes hungrily tracing the bounce of your tit as he released it.

He hummed softly.

“Well, I suppose I can forgive you for sneaking around. You’ve always had a bad habit of not asking for help, so that part doesn’t exactly shock me.”

You resisted the incredibly strong temptation to elbow him.

“But didn’t we talk about the lying already? Sure, sometimes a story needs to be spun, but you do it so often—how am I supposed to know when you’re actually being truthful?”

He tilted his head, giving you an adorable puppy dog look drenched in faux innocence.

You met it with a glare packed with nothing but attitude.

Your day had been just as long as Xavier’s, and those guys had been tailing you for what felt like forever.

By the time he tracked you down in the alley, you were drained, hungry, and thoroughly fed up.

So you’d been more than ready to fight when he pushed you into this bathroom—He hadn’t hidden his anger at all when he found you, his silver brows furrowed and jaw locked tight. You knew he was pissed, and it only fueled your own anger, your energies almost matching.

But when his hand closed around your other breast and his teeth found your neck, any thoughts of resistance slipped away.

Your body melted completely into his, the exhaustion and frustration of the day vanishing from your mind.

Now, there was only room for him—just the way he liked it.

He couldn’t get enough of your body relaxing into his, that perfect moment when you fully surrendered to his control.

You'd gone soft in his embrace now, your body going almost limp as you silently offered him permission to do as he pleased.

A soft laugh escaped him, “surrendering so soon? That doesn’t sound like you. Does this mean you’re ready to accept your punishment?” he murmured, his tone was so low and sensual you could practically feel it brush against your skin.

Somehow, it always led to this,—your body eager to lay bare, ready to give him whatever he desired.

That’s exactly how you felt now, melting like putty in his arms, surrendering to his fantasies to offer him the relief he craved.

Because that’s all they were—fantasies.

On some level, Xavier knew he had nothing to worry about when it came to you, and you knew he just needed an excuse to let himself slip a little.

You were always more than happy to have unintentionally given him that reason.

It wasn’t entirely selfless, though— it hadn’t escaped your attention that whenever he got like this, it always ended with him fucking you senseless.

When he felt you relax into him tonight, offering yourself just the way he liked, it nearly melted away his frustration, filling him with the urge to make love to you slowly rather than carry out what he had planned.

But when you breathed, “I won’t resist. I’ve been a bad girl, Xavier. I deserve to be punished,” your big, honest eyes fixed on his reflection, that raw, primal possessiveness surged to the forefront, pushing everything else aside.

In one swift motion, he had your skirt pushed up and your panties pulled aside.

Leaning back, he hummed in approval at the sight of your cunt, so pretty and wet just for him.

He glided two long fingers through your folds, collecting the sticky wetness and licking it clean with a soft sigh.

Then, without warning, he thrust them roughly inside you, pumping slow and deep, a light squelching sound marking every stroke.

You gasped loudly at the sudden intrusion, your wide eyes finding him in the mirror.

“What? I figured she was good to go, seeing as she’s practically dripping for me.”

His filthy words and the way he acknowledged how effortlessly he could unravel you sent a hot blush spreading through your body.

You turned your head, trying to hide your eyes, but his hand gripped your chin, tilting your face back toward him.

“No more of those crafty little stories now, I see,” his tone was soft, amused, and dripping with cocky confidence.

“I wonder what those guys from the alley are up to now. Are you disappointed? That I’m the one about to fuck you, and not them? The tall one was your type, and with the way you were behaving out there—pretending you weren’t mine—you probably would’ve liked that better, hmm?”

He knew his words were complete nonsense, but Xavier loved the way you responded to his possessive claims—the way your breath caught, your plush walls tightening around his fingers, as you earnestly tried to convince him otherwise.

“N-no, Xav, never!” you gasped, your voice was shaky and barely audible over the noises his fingers coaxed from you as they scissored relentlessly inside your pussy.

“No?” he crooned back, amusement lacing his voice, “yet you didn’t want to tell him about me. Didn’t want him knowing you belong to someone else.”

His next thrust is so sharp, so precise, it nearly crosses into pain. Your nails dig into your palms as you struggle to hold back a cry.

He watches your eyes roll back as your head hits his chest, the sensation of your cunt clutching his fingers sending ripples of pleasure through him.

He knows he’ll never get enough of the way you feel—ever since that first time he was inside you, he’s been completely hooked.

He’s certain your body is the most powerful cure he’s encountered in all his centuries alive—able to fix anything within him.

But he’s equally sure that the dazed, tear-filled look you give him right before mumbling, “m’so sorry, Xav,” is the next best thing.

Literal stars fill your eyes as you gaze up at him, and Xavier feels something inside himself crack wide open.

He suddenly spins you around, lifting you onto the sink, his lips never leaving yours as he hastily unzips his pants and frees his throbbing cock, the tip swollen and glistening with precum.

You watched him closely as he stroked his length, head tilted like a predator sizing up its prey.

“I know you’re sorry, angel. But apologies don’t really fix things, do they? You’re going to have to show me.”

Then he was between your legs, his thick girth slapping against your wet folds, “now, be a good girl, okay? It’ll only hurt for a second,” he whispered, before driving himself into you with a single sharp thrust.

He bottomed out, hands gripping the mirror to steady himself—you felt so good he almost couldn’t stand it.

At this point, you’re barely conscious of anything except the pleasure of him filling you so completely, so you barely register it when he bends your knees, propping your feet up on the countertop beside you so he can fuck you deeper.

You’re a stunning mess— head tipped back against the mirror, mouth agape, legs spread wide as your pussy pulls him in greedily, tits bouncing wildly with each thrust.

To him, nothing compares to seeing you like this—blissed out and utterly intoxicated by him.

His large hands gripped your waist tightly, holding you steady and upright. He couldn’t help but find it adorable—he’d barely started, and you were already so lost in the pleasure he was giving you.

“That’s my girl,” he whispered softly, almost to himself, not really intending for you to hear.

But you whimpered, nodding, “your girl,” you echoed with a small hiccup, your delicate voice piercing straight through his heart.

Fuck. How was he supposed to keep up the game when you pulled something like that?

Almost instantly, his frantic thrusts transformed into a deep, steady roll of his hips.

“Shh, it’s okay now. I’m not upset anymore,” he said softly, his voice still carried a hint of the earlier teasing, but the frustration had faded, replaced by something deeper, something needier.

His eyes were glued to your cunt—the way it reluctantly let go of his cock, only to hungrily suck him back in.

And you were so wet, your shared arousal coating the base of his cock and dripping onto the countertop.

Now that he’d slowed his pace, he could fully appreciate the way your wet, silky walls held him tight.

As he pushed back inside you once more, his stormy cerulean eyes locked onto yours.

“Even if you sometimes forget that you’re mine, she doesn’t—feel that?” your pussy let go of him with a soft pop, and he groaned through gritted teeth, “Squeezing me so fucking tight.”

He rolled his hips forward again, voice low and dripping with filth. “She never forgets who she belongs to.”

Part of you wanted to push back against being claimed, but you knew it was pointless.

You were his, in every sense of the word.

So instead you nodded eagerly, like his mindless little slut you knew you were, whimpering happily at his dirty words.

Xavier was lost in you tonight before he even realized it.

He had no idea how long the two of you had been in this bathroom, or whether anyone had knocked, because all that mattered was you—the sound of his name leaving your swollen lips, the sheen of sweat glistening on your skin, his own droplets falling to your breasts, the silken feel of your perfect cunt wrapped around him.

His palm cradled the back of your head, guiding your glazed eyes to meet his.

You blinked up at him sleepily, looking every bit like an adorable little fucked-out bunny.

“Hey, Bun, you still in there?” he teased softly.

You just stuck your tongue out, too lost in how good you felt to bother with words.

He chuckled softly and continued, “I’m gonna fill you up, okay? You’ll take it for me, won’t you?”

His voice was deceptively gentle—just like him.

Your eyes widened, and you nodded eagerly, the plea slipping from your lips before you could stop it. “Please, Xavier—I-I’ll be so good, please give me your cum.”

His answer was a deep groan and a mumbled, “shit, anything for you, angel,” as his hands clamped onto your hips, once again holding you steady while he fucked into your cunt without mercy.

His eyes can’t seem to take in enough of you, darting rapidly from your bouncing tits, to his fingers dimpling your hips, to the way your skin ripples as his body slams against it.

He’s the one who’s a mess now—completely pussy-drunk, his pale hair plastered to his forehead, tiny whimpering sounds spilling from him, his cock leaking so much precum you wonder if he’s already released.

The sight of him—so perfect and utterly wrecked just for you—sends you hurtling toward your own release.

You came fast and hard, shockwaves rippling up your spine as your cunt spasmed uncontrollably around his dick.

The second he felt the first pulse of your orgasm, Xavier was done for.

His hips faltered as he drove deep into you with three final thrusts, thick ropes of cum spilling into you, the sensation perfectly complementing your own release.

But even after he came, he didn’t stop.

He had to keep fucking you, ensuring his cum was buried deep, not a single drop wasted.

Not when it was all for you.

When he finally pulled out, he took a moment to admire you—your body spread out so perfectly for him, your combined releases leaking from your hole that still twitched around the absence of his cock.

You looked like the most adorable, content little fucked-out bunny now, and his heart swelled impossibly with love for you.

After cleaning you up, he helped you down from the sink.

The second your legs wobbled and nearly collapsed under you, he scooped you up and carried you instead.

With your head resting on his shoulder, you mumbled grumpily, “Can we please go home now? I was already hungry before we started, and now I’m pretty much hangry. Plus, my back hurts, so thanks for that.”

Your back really did feel a little stiff from the position he’d kept you in, but mostly, you were just teasing him—you figured you’d earned it.

“How does a warm bubble bath and massages sound?” he asked with a grin.

“Massage. Singular. I’m not giving you one,” you grumbled.

His soft laughter was like a balm as he smiled down at you. “Yeah, I figured,” he said.

The storm that once raged in his eyes had calmed, leaving behind a serene, sky-blue gaze, like the most beautiful day imaginable.

Any irritation you might have felt slipped away as you settled into him, silently wishing you could always be the reason his eyes turned bright and happy again.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Hey, can you write one from that big sister!reader universe where it’s been a few months since they destroyed the red room (the avengers are back together) and the russian family makes a surprise birthday party for reader? the first one she got. like melina found out their birthday documents and they make one bc she needs this normalcy and the stuff she was deprived 😭😭😭 you can include the avengers bc they want to meet her too like nat told them what she did for nat and yelena and the sisters make an emotional speech for reader. i need to cry with them more jdjfk

Loved this request! I hope you like it!

Promise? (Part 2 of Lean on Me) 

Word Count: 4.3k

Warning: Angst with Fluff, mention of Red Room, reader has some issues but they are working on it.

It was a daunting and heartbreaking work as Melina scrolled through the hundreds and hundreds of girls still under Dreykov’s control. The map behind her was littered with pins of different colors. Green ones were Widows that were exposed to the gas, yellow were ones they weren’t sure if they’ve gone through the chemically subjugation, and red were ones that still needed to be saved. Unfortunately, there were more yellows and reds than greens. Melina sighed, seconds from calling it a night when she came across a file. Your file. It seemed like an invasion of privacy. Although, your relationship had improved in the two months based. But Melina had a curious mind. “Mama,” you said, opening the door. She minimized the file. “Is everything okay?” You always had a way of knowing when someone’s emotions were off. Melina shook her head. 

“Just tired.” You nodded. Melina knew you were too. You’ve taken the lead on organizing the Widows that stayed to help. But you took on the higher rank Widows on your own to prevent the others from getting hurt. Too many times, Melina has had to patch you up. 

“Well, I made dinner. Come take a break and pick this up tomorrow.” Melina smiled. 

“Let me finish this and I’ll be right out.” You glared at her. 

“5 minutes. If you aren’t out I’ll drag you out of here.” Melina knew you were serious. 

“5 minutes.” You smiled, leaving her office. “Thank you, dorogoy (sweetheart).” You nodded and closed her door. Melina reopened your file. You needed a break. No matter how hard you tried to hide it, Melina saw how tired you were. To her surprise, your birthday was in 2 weeks. Black Widows didn’t celebrate birthdays even in Ohio. Pictures were taken to fill a photo album to give the illusion of an American family No presents. No decorations. She pulled out her phone and texted Natasha, ‘I have a plan. But I need help. I’ll call you.’ 

*

“I can’t come to New York.” You said to Yelena as you stepped out of the bathroom. It was a quick walk down the hall to your room. You closed the door behind you. Your youngest sister was with you for a month before returning to New York. You knew the Accords were dissolved and Yelena had to go help. The blonde groaned. 

“And why not?” She asked. 

“Because there are too many Widows that need saving,” you said, sitting on your bed. The number seemed to be growing everyday, 1 Widow saved and 10 more were still trapped. “I can’t abandon them.” 

“You aren’t.” Yelena said softly. But you were. If only you acted quicker. You saw the signs but you stayed quiet. You followed orders. If only you were brave enough to stand up to him. “Hey,are you still with me?” Her voice startled you out of your thoughts. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m here.” You told her. 

“Look, you are no good to those girls if you don’t take care of yourself.” She was right, you knew she was. “You could assign some lower level Widows to Soyna and the others and take a break.” You didn’t respond. Did you deserve a break? “You could meet Maria.” The idea of giving the shovel talk to Natasha’s girlfriend did sound like a good time. “And we want you to meet everyone.” You sighed. 

“Fine, give me a few days to get things settled here and all catch a flight.” You said. 

“No need. Just tell us when you are ready and Tony will send a Quinjet to pick you up.” Fancy. 

“Alright, I’ll see you soon, sestra.” You said your good-byes and hung up. You laid on your back staring up at the ceiling. It was going to be a busy few days. 

*

You stood by the back of the Quinjet landed. The door opened and your sisters were waiting for you. You smiled as the ramp descended and you walked out into the New York sun. The sun felt different than in St. Petersburg. Yelena smiled and hugged you as soon as you landed on solid ground. You laughed, hugging the youngest tight. “Welcome to New York.” She said, letting you go so you could say hi to Natasha. She cut her hair to a bop and dyed it blonde. You felt a little left out not being a blonde. 

“You look,” Natasha paused. “Tired.” You rolled your eyes. 

“You always know how to make a girl feel welcomed.” You pulled her into a hug. “I like the blonde.” You told her. 

“She just wanted to be like me,” Yelena joked. You laughed, shaking your head. Natasha glared at Yelena and began to walk towards the door. “She doesn’t like that joke very much.” You smiled, putting your arm around her shoulders and quickly followed Natasha. “So, how was your flight?”

“Good,” you told her. “Where was that when we were breaking dad out of prison?” Yelena chuckled. 

“It would have been handy,” Natasha was waiting by the door with 2 men you recognized immediately; Captain America and Iron Man. 

“Well Rushman,” you didn’t recognize the name. “This is the infamous sister Black Widow Jr. won’t stop talking about.” You caught a slight blush on Yelena’s cheeks. 

“And you must be Tony Stark.” You said, offering your hand for the man to shake. He took it. 

“What gave it away?” He questioned. “The dashing smile or the good looks.”

“The annoying personality.” You deadpanned. Your sisters laughed. Tony’s smile didn’t falter. 

“I like her.” You rolled your eyes and looked at the super soldier. 

“Steve Rogers,” he said, shaking your hand. His grip was strong and firm. “It’s nice to put a face to the name.” You smiled 

“It’s nice to meet you, Captain.”

“Come on. We’ll show you your room.” Natasha said. You nodded, following her into the compound. Tony explained the features of the building; from the AI system ro the training area and everything in between. You entered the kitchen and saw a brunette and a man (you weren’t sure what he was). When the brunette looked up from a bowl, she gasped and ran over to you. 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” She hugged you. You were surprised by the sudden hug. “Sorry, we’ve heard so much about you.” You looked at your sisters, who wouldn’t meet your eyes. 

“So I’ve noticed.” You said. 

“I’m Wanda,” the brunette said. The man came up to stand next to her. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you. I’m Vision.” You shook his hand and you were surprised by the feeling. You said your hellos and continued to follow Natasha and Yelena to your room. 

“We are right down the hall,” Yelena said, opening the door and letting you step it. The room was spacious and it had a window overlooking the property, a private bathroom, and a walk in closet. You set your bag down. 

“Thank you,” you said. Natasha shrugged as if it was no big deal. It was to you. 

“We’ll let you get settled in. Wanda is cooking lunch.” She said. You nodded as they began to leave you alone. 

“Wait,” you said. Natasha turned back to face you. You smiled, walking over to her. You saw her get a little nervous, an emotion you rarely saw. “Where’s the girlfriend?” You questioned. “I met everyone else except her.” Her eyes widened slightly but she recovered quickly. Yelena giggled. 

“Technically, you didn’t meet Sam and Rhodey. Thor and Bruce are off-world.” You crossed your arms, one hip popping to the side. You weren’t buying it. Natasha sighed. “She’s on a mission.” 

“How convenient.” You said. 

“You aren’t going to threaten her,” she said, pointing her finger at you. You pushed her finger out of your face. 

“I wasn’t going to, Natalia.” Maybe a little bit. “I just want to meet the woman who makes my little Tasha so happy.” You cooed, pinching her cheeks. Yelena laughed as Natasha swatted your hands away. 

“I don’t like you.” You rolled your eyes. 

“You’ll get over it.” You put your duffle bag on your bed and began to unpack. You were grateful to be with them. 

*

To be fair, you lost track of time and you expected Natasha or Yelena to come find you. You were sitting on your bed, back resting on the headboard and typing on your laptop. You promised Melina that you wouldn’t work and worry about them in St. Petersburg. But you couldn’t resist. “What are you doing?” Yelena asked, walking into your room. You slammed your laptop close. “Are you working?” You were caught. 

“I well I,” you sighed. “Yes.” You admitted. “I was just making sure everything is okay.” Yelena sat next to you. She took your laptop off your lap. 

“They are going to be fine.” You knew they were more than capable of dealing with it. But your entire life you’ve followed orders and worked to accomplish a mission. You didn’t know how to do nothing. “But you aren’t if you don’t take a break.” You sighed, looking at her. 

“I thought I was supposed to look after you.” 

“And you have,” she said. “Now it’s our turn to look after you,” she stood up and held out her hand. You took it and allowed the blonde to pull you to your feet. “Now come on! Steve is in the training room and everyone wants to watch you kick Captain America’s ass.” You laughed, shaking your head. 

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” 

*

You made it 2 days before opening your laptop again. You really tried to do it for Yelena but the guilt was eating you up. So, you were sitting at the kitchen island with your laptop and a cup of coffee. Things were fine. Soyna and the other girls were doing great but you needed to do something. “Well you're new,” a voice behind you caused you to turn around. You recognized the woman right away. Maria Hill. Her brown hair was damp from a recent shower and she was wearing sweatpants and a SHIELD shirt. She must have returned from her mission. 

“Maria Hill.” She didn’t look surprised that you knew her name. She walked into the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water. 

“They said you were good at what you do,” you did your research on the agent as soon as Yelena told you about the new relationship. But you did catch a picture of her on Natasha’s phone. You smiled. 

“Of course,” she said. “I have to know the most important people in both of my sister’s lives.” You went back to work on your laptop, taking a sip of your coffee. You felt her eyes on you. She was waiting for the threat but you weren’t going to give her the satisfaction of offering it now. You were one of Dreykov’s best interrogators for a reason. 

“Moya lyubov' (my love), what-” you turned around to see Natasha. Oh this was becoming a great night. Her face was in shock. 

“Natalia,” you said. “Why don’t you join us?” She slowly walked over to you, moving to stand next to her girlfriend. You had to admit, they were cute together. A strange feeling formed in your chest. You pushed away the feeling and smiled at the couple, taking a sip of your coffee. 

“Yelena already gave me the shovel talk,” she admitted. 

“It wasn’t really threatening,” Natasha added. “It was cute.” Awe, that’s adorable. You made a mental note to talk to Yelena about that. 

“So, can we get the threat to kill me if I break your heart out of the way? I’m tired.” You closed your laptop and rested your head on your hands. You were still smiling even though Natasha looked like she was going to pass out. 

“I’m not gonna threaten to kill you or list all the many ways I could because you know what my sisters are capable of,” You almost laughed at the shocked expression on their face. “So I’ll give you this. I don’t know you well and you don’t know me but I know that you managed to do something very special.” You looked at your sister. “You captured  her heart, which is not an easy thing to do. So that speaks volume to the person you are. Don’t waste that gift.” Maria stared at you, blinking slowly. 

“Uh thank you,” she said. “I won’t.” You noticed the tears forming in Natasha’s eyes. 

“That being said, if you do break her heart, I won’t kill you because she’d never speak to me again.” Natasha smiled. “But I will make your life a living hell that death will be a blessing.” Maria stood up straighter at the threat. “I was Dreykov’s favorite for a reason. Do I make myself clear?” She nodded. 

“Yes.” You smiled. 

“Good, now go get some sleep you crazy kids.” Maria chuckled. 

“It was nice meeting you.” 

“You as well.” She walked back to where you believed her room was. But Natasha didn’t follow her. Instead she walked over to you and kissed you on your cheek. The action surprised you. 

“Thank you,” she said. “You need sleep too.” You nodded. 

“I’ll be going to bed soon.” You watched Natasha walk over to Maria, who waited for her and took her hand. You smiled at the sight and stopped yourself from opening your laptop. You headed to bed. 

*

They were up to something. You’ve been at the Avenger compound for a little over a week and were loving every second of you. You trained with Steve, had late nights with Tony and Rhodey in the lap, Wanda was teaching you and Vision how to cook, and you went on runs with Sam in the woods near the compound. But your favorite was spending time with Yelena and Natasha and getting to know Maria. With all that, you were a trained Black Widow so something was going on. It started with a girls weekend trip to New York City. It was your first time in the City so you allowed them to drag you around the city like a tourist. You went to the Top of the Rock, visited the Statue of Liberty, and ate your way around China Town and Little Italy. It was the most fun you’ve had in your entire life. 

It was Sunday 1830 and you were packing up your duffle bag to head back to the compound. “So, how was your weekend?” Maria asked, standing by the door to your room. Tony rented out a small apartment for your weekend trip. 

“A lot of fun,” you told her. “Never had a girl’s trip like this before.” You knew the Avengers knew some of the details of why you were separated from your sisters for so long. But you didn’t know how much they knew, the things you had to do for him. Maria sighed. 

“Thank you,” She said. You gave yourself whiplash on how fast you looked at her. 

“I’m sorry?” You questioned. “What are you thanking me for?” She walked over to you, arms still crossed against her chest. 

“Thank you for what you did for them.” Oh. You weren’t expecting a thank you from her. “You sacrificed a lot for them and because of that they’ve accomplished a lot and saved lives including my own. So thank you.” You were rendered a little speechless. You cleared your throat. 

“Uh of course. They’re family. I'll do anything for them,” you scratched the back of your head. “I’m gonna be honest I don’t know how to accept a ‘thank you.’” Maria smiled, patting you on the shoulder. 

“They were the same way,” she told you. “Just surround yourself with good people and it will get easier.” You nodded. “I’ll let you finish packing.” She walked back to the door. 

“Maria,” you called out to her. She stopped and looked back. “Thank you for making sure they were okay while I was still in Russia.” She nodded. 

“Of course, they’re family.” She left you alone to finish packing. 

You were quiet on the flight back to the compound. You used the quick flight to observe your sisters. Natasha was cuddling up against Maria while she read a book. She would run her fingers through your sister’s hair. Yelena was showing Wanda photos she took on her camera, she was becoming interested in photography. That weird feeling formed in your chest again. It was tight and it hurt to breathe. You closed your eyes and swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat. Yelena said your name. You opened your eyes. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. You put on a smile and nodded. 

“Yeah, just a little tired.”

“Get some sleep. We have about 30 minutes.” Wanda said. You got comfortable and closed your eyes. You slowed your breathing to give the illusion that you’ve fallen asleep but you couldn’t sleep with this feeling still here. 

*

Natasha stopped you before you could enter the compound. You raised your eyebrows at her. “We debated if this should be a surprise or give you a warning because sometimes Black Widows don’t react well to surprises.”

“She almost broke my arm when I planned a date for her.” Maria said. The group laughed but you were focused on your sister. 

“What’s going on?” You questioned. 

“There are people in there,” she said. “Waiting for you. Just don’t attack them.” You nodded as Natasha opened the door. Yelena grabbed your hand and grabbed you into the compound. You immediately heard voices and music. Soon the common area came into view and Steve was the first one to see you. He made a motion with his hands. 

“Happy Birthday!” The room cheered. The sound startled you. You looked at Yelena. 

“Happy Birthday, sestra.” You looked at the group. The Avengers were there along with Melina, Alexei, and a few of the Widows you’ve saved. 

“Birthday?” You questioned. Widows don’t have birthdays. As soon as you entered the Red Room your past was erased. You became a new person as they rebuilt you. 

“Melina found your file with your birthday,” Natasha said, standing on your other side. The older Black Widow walked over to you at the mention of her name. “She figured that since you needed a break this would be a perfect opportunity.” In one day you were stunned into silence twice. 

“Is this okay?” Yelena asked. You nodded. 

“Yeah it is.” You put on a smile. “Thank you mama.” You said, hugging Melina. 

“Of course,” she said. “Now let’s eat before Alexei eats all the food.” You laughed and walked into the party with your sisters and Melina. 

You weren’t sure how to act at a birthday party as this was your first. But you put on a smile and acted like nothing was wrong. You drank, ate food, and laughed along with the people around you. You did a great job ignoring the looks Wanda was sending you. You even got to open presents; which consisted of books from Steve, a kitchen knife set that was engraved from Wanda and Vision, Maria gifted you a vest, Rhodey and Sam got you tickets to a Yankees’ game, and Tony got you a motorcycle that matched the ones he made for Natasha and Yelena. But the best gifts were from your family. Melina made you a photo album, it was filled with pictures from Ohio but also current ones and there were little notes from the Widows that you saved on some of the pages. Alexei gifted you a necklace. The charm was a blue jay and he explained that the bird symbolizes protection and fearlessness. You were surprised by how much he knew about the bird. You let him place it on your neck. Natasha and Yelena did a joint gift, they gave you a ring. The ring came in a set of 3, one for each of you. “It’s a touch ring,” Yelena explained. “So when you touch yours ours will light up.”

“No matter where we are, we will always be together.” Natasha smiled. You put the ring on your finger. You swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“Thank you. Thank you all of you.” You said. 

“Cake time.” Wanda said, disappearing into the kitchen. She returned with a chocolate cake. 

“Before we dig in I like to have a toast,” Tony shoved a drink in your hand. “I would like to thank Tony for helping through this party at the very last minute.” The billionaire waved his hand as if it was no big deal. “But the biggest thanks goes to our sister,” Natasha looked at you. “Because without you, Yelena and I would have none of this.” 

“We can never repay you for the sacrifices you made for us,” Yelena continued. “But I hope one day we come close to repaying you.” 

*

You determined that you disliked birthdays. You didn’t like being the center of attention. You were outside on a small balcony, looking up at the night sky as the party raged on inside. It was calmer, peaceful out here. You sighed, staring into your drink. The feeling was still in your chest. You let out a shaky breath trying to get rid of it. But it wasn’t going away. You crushed the paper cup in your hand and the rest of the drink splashed on the ground. “There you are.”  You heard Steve say behind you. You didn’t acknowledge the super soldier as he moved to stand next to you. “Are you not enjoying the party?” 

“No I am,” you said quickly. “I’m grateful for everything.”

“But?” 

“But-,” you sighed, turning to face the party. You watched everyone through the window. Alexei was having an arm wrestling competition with Tony’s Iron Man gauntlet with the help of Rhodey. Sam, Yelena, and a few of the Widows were playing some sort of card game. Melina and Wanda were in the kitchen together, looking over a cookbook. “Do you ever get a tight feeling in your chest? Sometimes it hurts to breathe and it won’t go away.” You looked at him. “But I can’t pinpoint the feeling. Am I going crazy?” He didn’t answer right away. The super soldier stared through the window watching the party. 

“It happened a lot when I woke up from being on ice for so long,” he finally said. “I thought I died that day but I woke up in a different world.” 

“What is this feeling?” You asked. 

“I can’t name it for you. Anxiety is different for everyone. Sometimes it manifests itself in guilt,” Guil? You’ve been dealing with guilt since the moment you stepped foot at the compound. Was it far for you to be enjoying yourself while so many were still trapped? Did you deserve this party? “And jealousy.” Jealousy? You heard Natasha’s laughter from within. Maria’s arms were wrapped around your sister with her head resting on Natasha’s shoulder. “It could be anything.”

“How do you make it go away?” Steve sighed. 

“It really never goes away. You just learn to deal with it.” Yelena opened the outside door and shrived when she felt the cold. 

“Sestra, we are playing a game and I need a partner.” She said. “We need to beat Natasha and Maria.” You laughed. 

“I’ll be right there.” She nodded excitedly, jumping on the ball of her feet and going inside. You looked back at the super soldier. 

“They help too,” he said. “Lean on them. Don’t try to be strong by yourself anymore.” You smiled at him.

“Thank you, Steve.” 

*

They party settled down and everyone called it a night. You found yourself on the couch with Yelena and Natasha. Yelena’s head was resting on your lap. Your fingers were running through her hair. The constant movement was putting her to sleep. “Can I ask you a question?” Natasha paused the movie and gave you her full attention. She nodded. “When you were planning on escaping the Red Room, did you ever think about taking me with you?” You asked. “Be honest with me, I won’t get upset.” Natasha sighed. 

“No,” she admitted. “If I ever had a chance, I knew I’d only take Yelena with me.” Her truth didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. “You were the strongest one out of the 3 of us.” Her confession surprised you. She played with the matching ring on her finger. “That day in Cuba, I remember it so vividly. I was so scared but you didn’t seem scared at all. You threatened those guards and Alexei and you offered yourself to take our spot. I knew from that day you were far stronger than me.” Your hands stopped moving and Yelena shifted in her sleep. You continued to keep her asleep. “Do you regret it? Your deal with him.” 

“No,” you said, with hesitation. “I would do it again. But,” you bite down on your lip. 

“You can tell me,” she said. “I won’t be upset.” 

“I’ve been having this weird feeling in my chest,” you told her. “Steve calls it anxiety.” You looked down at Yelena. “He says it can manifest itself because of guilt or jealousy.”

“Jealousy?” She questioned. “Are you jealous of Yelena and I?” You shrugged. 

“I think I was at first when I saw you and Maria together. But now I’m happy that you are happy,” you reached for Natasha’s hand. “I’m happy that you found this place, Tasha.” She squeezed your hand. 

“I promise, sestra, nothing is going to get between us again.” 

“Promise?” You held out your pinky. She wrapped her pinky around yours. 

“Promise.”

[charmixpower]

Trix and Specialist headcanons?

The specialists and Trix..... Hmmm sure

Icy -

I don't think Icy even knows half of them exist. There's the useful one that had the balls to jump off of Cloud Tower, the free hostage that was dating her mark, the one that refused to hold back anything when dealing with her and her sisters (and was deadly precise with those sting things on his hands), and the fairy one that could match Darcy illusion for illusion. That's about as far as her opinion goes

Darcy -

She's the one that cares the most about the specialists for obvious reasons. She's still a little in love with Riven....or maybe accurately angry that he was willing to jump off a tower to escape her and still feeling the need to possess him for her ego. With love thrown in. It's complicated, and Icy sometimes makes her head spin when she talks to her about feelings but she's certain she wants Riven back in a great capacity. (Maybe she wants what could of been? She doesn't know.) She knows who Sky is, and finds him a bit annoying. She appreciates Brandon's non reactive demeanor sometimes as it reminds her of Icy. She thinks Timmy is a bit annoying but kinda cute, and Helia is just kinda funny to her. A little scary, as he's the only specialist that even came close to killing them, but mostly funny at how ready to fight things out of his caliber he is. Kinda reminds her of Stormy. Nabu, however, pisses her the fuck off on principle. Both because he can see though her illusions and bc he taught Riven how to do that. In reality Darcy is a deeply sensitive person who's craves emotional connections. She does this in the very shitty way of trying to possess people, but girl does just want a romantic partner REALLY BADLY. She wants intimacy and trust, unaware that it's like impossible to trust her...also that she hurt the one person outside of her sisters that came to know when and like her. Tbh Riven jumping off of Cloud Tower is what keeps her going along with everything (even after failure after failure) bc as far as she's concerned there's nothing left for her outside of her sisters

Stormy -

Now Stormy definitely doesn't give enough fucks about the specialists to have actually opinions on the specialists. Riven is that funny emotional guy that Darcy dated once, that she's legally required to hate bc he broke Darcy's heart. The blonde one is dating Bloom, which is why Icy knows about him. She's pretty sure that the brown haired guy that has the most boring reactions to things is dating Steller...or whatever her name was. She does remember that nerd guy for being really fucking annoying, and not in the fun way, when she and her sisters attacked Red Fountain. He was just a little coward, and that makes her angry in a way she can barely explain. She thinks the girly looking guy is pretty ok, he's got a rage she can appreciate, but she hates the fairy guy on principle because he can see though Darcy's illusions

----

Sky unfortunately is very acquainted with the Trix....mostly Icy. His opinions on all of them start and end at "evil murderous bitches", slightly uncaring about the differences in their evil

Brandon usually ends up being the one that listens to Riven in the few times Riven actually talks about Darcy, and wow, he really hates the Trix. On top of that they attack Sky a lot bc Bloom, and he's reaching Helia levels enraged. He does realize he can't really do anything, at most he can get them a harder jail sentence by being a witness, so he just kinda seethes when ever he sees them

Timmy is just scared of them lol. Mostly Stormy who keeps making increasing violent and graphic threats at him

Riven... Do I even need to say it? ~Darcy trauma~ She never took compete control of his head, like I'm assuming happened in the 4kids dub idk tho, but she did use her magic to push him into doing things that he usually wouldn't. And that invasion of his mind and disregard of his autonomy left him a lot paranoid. Even without the mind control Darcy lying to get into a relationship with him, that really fucked up his sense of trust. That's a very good way to rob someone of any sense of safety in their life, good job Darcy. Nothing is ok!!! Riven also had the joy of being around Icy, very convincing Icy. Who is a fucking nightmare to deal if your close to her. Stormy was cool right up until he realized that her more destructive tendancys where honest to god sadism. Usually tries to avoid the Trix when ever possible for very obvious reasons

Helia just fucking hates them. Across the board. His only opnion is murder

Nabu thinks all of them are fucking unhinged lol. He wasn't there for the really nasty shit, and only knows them in refrence to Valtor. He finds Darcy's enraged reactions when he figures her out to be kinda funny. Eventually he realizes that, no, these girls are very dangerous and he really need to take them very seriously

[dodo-begone]

Now Listen Here Sad Bitches - Stop Being Sad

Pairing: Yan!Xisuma x Reader (idk if it's rlly yan tbh)

Request: If you’re up to it can I get yandere nHo hcs? Bc I’m desperate for nHo content, But if you don’t know enough about the nHo boys can you do a continuation of your yandere xisuma fic? bc it was really good👀

Word count: 5k words

Warning: Falling, Depression, Death, Yandere (?)(just a bit posessive/protective at the end), Bit of confusion/memory loss, Mention of Running Away

This is a Part 2 to Ugly Fuckling

If this EVER looks funky or glitched, here's a link to it on Ao3.

_______________________________________________________

A methodical ticking echoes around the room, the only indicator that time was passing. The room was nearly a blinding black, yet a ray of moonlight made its way into the room. From that, you were able to see Xisuma. Without his helmet covering his face, he looked much more welcoming and soft. It wasn’t like he wasn’t soft and welcoming anyways, he just looked so much softer and approachable. A real person - man what were you even thinking?

Mentally shaking off that train of thought, you let your mind wander onto a different topic. Since Xisuma stopped you from following through with your impulsive decision to leave, he hadn’t exactly let you out of his sight. A few of your activities were free from his supervision, but otherwise you were with him.

At first you felt like an absolute bother to him, but his insistence that it was all fine made things better. Minimally better, if you were to speak honestly. It didn’t alleviate your feelings at all. He was being so nice and attentive to you and your needs. And what were you doing with that? You were being the little debbie downer that you are and not getting better. Come on, this was all for you. That meant you had to get better for him since he was putting so much effort into making you get better.

He made you all of your favorite foods, cuddled you any time even a tear fell from your eyes, asked about what was worrying or saddening you and trying to talk you through it to feel better, and so much more. All around it was everything you needed, really it was. Everything was getting better, yet you weren’t.

This had been going on for days, and you were still thinking of leaving. Though technically you did. Maybe the entire server moved with you. Maybe that fact could be ignored. Maybe. Everyone gathered up and went to a new server not too long after your most recent “escape” attempt. You weren’t sure if it was the unsaid yearly move to a new season or what, but it seemed a little too convenient if you thought about it. But thinking was a laborious and bothersome task. So no thoughts - only depression. Yea, that’s how things rolled for you.

The thought of leaving was far from leaving your mind. It was always on the backburner, but became a prominent thought whenever you weren’t with anybody. Especially Xisuma. Voices whispered to feed your insecurities, giving a source for your depression to grow off of. And boy was it growing. Adding in this new move made you question a bit more.

You knew you wanted to leave the server because of how icky, disgusting and disappointing you were, but now you were truly realizing where the issue lay. Wel, you knew before, but it just became more evident. It wasn’t the server itself. The issue lay between you and the hermits. So that feeling of not belonging? Still rather prominent. Even with their fresh new start where everyone had the same resources, said “resources” were nonexistent since everyone started with nothing, it was rather evident you still didn’t belong.

Grian was the only one who didn’t build a “starter house” immediately. That made two hermits you knew who didn’t make a starter house. The two hermits being you and Grian, so that made you feel better. Until you found out the reason he didn’t make a house was because he went to defeat the Ender Dragon and get loot from end cities. Yea that really didn’t make you feel better. And these “starter” builds the others made were no joke. They weren’t even starters, in your opinion. These were whole builds in and of themselves. Like things you’d be building late game, if you even got around to making anything that could compare.

Once again, your mind cemented that you were very alien to this group. Alongside the “new fodder” that you had, which was really recycled thoughts, memories, or insecurities, you started to cry. Stifling your sobs without being able to cover your mouth with your hands is a very hard task. All remaining strength you had went into calming your breath and being as silent as possible. You still allowed the tears to continue their route down your cheeks with no intent to stop them. If you only allow tears to flow with no noise, you can get your emotions out while not bothering Xisuma. A win-win.

Time was illusive, slipping through your hands like sand. One moment you were crying next to Xisuma in bed then a blink later you were waking up in an empty bed. The ever annoying sun was flaunting its energy and jovial beams into the room and blinding you with it. Man, how you envied the sun. It was able to get up every day and do its duty. And not even the duty it was exactly made for. One that it conveniently worked with. A necessity to life.

Still, you layed in bed. Too lethargic to move on your own; there was no will or energy to move. Well, there was one reason; you wanted to search for Xisuma. Where could he have gone off to? He wasn’t in the bed. Somewhere else in the house? Out on a project? Who knows. The likelihood of him being gone was high and that, along with the thoughts, kept you in the bed.

The day passed. Maybe you slept. You were still very tired and very sad, so it really made no difference in the end if you did actually sleep sometime that day since nothing changed. Snuggling into the blankets for warmth and comfort, you awaited for Xisuma’s return. Though you don’t remember him saying that he was going anywhere in particular yesterday. Did he? Memories blurred together and multiple days became one mushed memory. Many memories of him mentioning future projects to you or other things came to mind. How recent were those? Mulling over your memories, you tried to pinpoint when they happened based on some other memories. You referred to them as your “time reference memories”... They had a different name, but the name eludes you. But that was their purpose, so that name shall stay.

Soon a plethora of other memories came to mind as you quickly sorted through them. So they obviously didn’t take place in the same time area-frame thingy as when you joined the Hermitcraft server. That was months ago- clearly off the table. Then did they happen around the time you were building the trash on the server? Also a big no- that’s way too early. Oh dear- all the memories that were popping up were far too early. Crap- think. Think, think, think. Come on, more recent. What about when you tried to leave? Well it happened after that, but much closer.

A flash of memories pass behind your eyes yet you can’t decipher all of them. It was obviously some memories and you could faintly see some things, but it was all a blur of colors. You didn’t have the time for this right now. After you figure this out, you could reminisce on them. Now you had to figure out which memory out of the blob you had was most recent-

Staring at the ceiling did nothing to help. No new spark of memories came up, even with your mind scrambling for any scrap it could get its little grubby hands on. Great- now you were stuck going off of his appearance and what the house looked like during those times. Now the dilemma was “which came first”. Almost every memory took place in the house.

Wait! He didn’t have the diamond armor in all of them! Only two of them had diamond armor involved. Specifically on Xisuma. You didn’t have anything on this new server. Well, compared to him or any other hermit, anyways. To say you were behind or “lagging” was an understatement. Having iron armour isn’t really a flex. Especially when it goes missing. Like who just up and loses armor like that? You do, apparently.

That isn’t the point. Stay focused! So he had armor, what did the house look like? Or anything outside the window?

Finally a lightbulb went off in your mind. Of course! He talked about a fire last time. Yes, you were sure of you. Not sure why but you were very sure of that fact. He mentioned that some gravel on a mountain was on fire and he wasn’t sure why. Then he talked about a building in the next memory… Everything was starting to add up! Oh you felt so smart right now. So good.

So what mountain did he say he was going to? It was a villager hall, right? Or was it the future place for a build… No, villager hall because he mentioned villagers and trading. Obviously not another build. But what if it was? Now you were conflicted because you were so sure but at the same time doubt pranced around your mind obnoxiously. Your anxiety was getting ticked off more.

First the disappearance of Xisuma and now your worries are getting to you? Really, it was the opposite order. More of an Oreo, but that wasn’t important.

Taking a deep breath, you try to get your thoughts under control again. Regain you cool. Alright. If you find Xisuma then you can calm everything else down. That was your biggest worry right now. The longer you didn’t know Xisuma’s location and condition, the worse your mental state became. From there, it was obvious how everything would decline.

All you had to do was go to Xisuma. Right. Go to Xisuma. Who is outside. Out of the bed. Debating on whether or not to leave the comforting confines of the blankets or search for Xisuama was definitely something. It was hard but also wasn’t all at the same time. Because yes, staying in bed and being warm would be amazing. The preferred option. But you were worried about the lack of Xisuma’s presence. That took precedence over comfort.

Grumbling, you slowly start to drag yourself out of bed. More accurately rolling out and only turning to properly get out of bed and onto your feet. Same end result really. Slowly, as to not cause a dizzy spell, you get up and walk toward the door. Said dizzy spell still hits you like a baseball gets hit by a bat, but there was an attempt. Black overtakes your vision for a second before everything goes back to normal. Boy you didn’t miss those pounding headaches with dizzy spells. Damn vertigo.

Shaking your head, you steady yourself for the journey to the outside. It was going to be perilous. Well not really, but your mind tried to come up with the worse case scenarios. Like some Dream SMP members coming for you to drag you back. Or pillagers near or at the front door. Or some other nasty mob. Oh the possibilities were nearly endless. But you had to do this.

Hyping yourself up, you mentally prepare for what you could think of. Aka prepare for something bad like pain. To be fair, pain would be better than a Dream SMP member but pain still hurts.

A noise of annoyance leaves your lips as you once again try to get yourself back on track. You hated how easily distracted you got sometimes. Though it did help in some situations. Admitting to that wouldn’t be too helpful in any regard so back to ignoring it you go.

Soon you’re back on track and continuing your journey. The only thing standing between you and the outside world stared at you. The front door. It wouldn’t be for long. All you had to do was open it and then start the other leg of your journey and- wait.

The door greeted your face with a nice hearty slam as you walked right into it. Confusion was just written all over your face. You grabbed the knob, did you not? Taking a step back, you peer down. Low and behold, you were holding the door knob. Your brows furrowed as you twisted the knob. Nothing happened. Trying with more strength and vigor or whatever might do something? Maybe it’s just stuck. Unlikely but hey! Delusions are much sweeter and easier to swallow. Plus being more violent with an inanimate object makes it work! Usually, anyways. Beat a banana and you get mush so not always. That’s besides the point because the darn door still refused to open. Huffing, you try being a little harder with the door. Though that leads to nothing but you fearing it breaking. One creak escapes the poor door and you’re off of it like a puppy squealed rather than a door.

Anxiety started to bloom in your chest for the uptenth time or whatever. It’s happened a lot and that’s all that matters. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. It’s just a door. If it breaks it can be replaced. Also it’s a door. It’s probably fine. Though you didn’t exactly want to test that. Who knows when the door is going to just say “nope! I’m done” and just break?

Leaning against the door, you slide to the floor as you think of another plan to leave. The door was locked, right? This is a brand new door we’re talking about. Rust couldn’t have shut it already, right? You were by the sea though so who knew what the salt and water was doing to it. That ruins doors, wood, and mentals, right? If only you were a builder or someone more fluent with stuff like this. Someone who knew how stuff like that worked. Because wow, you were beyond dumb on that subject.

You curl up in defeat. Bringing your knees to your face, you wrap your arms around them to secure them. To feel safer and smaller. Block out the world. All you wanted to do was stay there, just like that. Not that exact position, but you want to feel comforted and safe. A craving for belonging and love. Although something you craved, whenever it was just handed to you or offered, you turned it down. Nobody actually likes you. They just want to use you.

Everyone has used you in the past for something.

Tears started to form in your eyes. As you lift your head from the curl, you take a deep breath. This is annoying, tiring. Crying is useless right now. Nothing is going to be fixed this way.

As you subdued the tears, you looked around the house again. There had to be another exit, right? Maybe. Half of the houses you’ve lived in only had one entrance or exit. The other half either had a secret exit or another doorway. This wasn’t one of the latter, though. It was one of the former; you were only informed of one way to exit or enter the house. Xisuma didn’t mention any emergency escape. Well there weren’t any holes in the house besides that- OH WAIT!

Smacking your forehead, you scramble to your feet and look directly at the closest window. If it had the ability to, it’d probably be sweating out of fear or anxiety. Either or, that window wasn’t going to have a good time. Fortunately for you, though, the window couldn’t judge you. And the window is very easy to climb out of.

Walking closer for inspection, it didn’t seem like it’d be too hard to open. Just flick a latch or two and just lift the bottom. You’re home free after that. The latches weren’t an issue. Grabbing the bottom of the glass, you silently pray that it won’t be as stubborn as the door.

Some deity was feeling nice today because the window opened without much trouble. A little elbow grease but that was a small price to pay. Now started the awkward maneuvering to get outside. This was one thing you didn’t miss from your past.

First a leg, then the other, and slide later, you land ungraceful into the outside world. Either you were going to land on your face or bum and you didn’t want any of that. So instead you did a nice little dance.

Okay so dance would be the fun way of stating it. What happened was you stumbled around for a bit, waving your arms around in a desperate attempt to regain balance. But you get to stay on your feet, so the trade off of your dignity was well worth it. Plus nobody was around to see it.

Once balanced, you were in awe of the builds that were just a wall away. How much has changed since you last came out? How long were you inside? You only remember the comically tall portal and the partial build of the portal tower being around when you came. Besides the starting house and a few other small things, of course. But now there were two completed towers. The dark one was obviously the portal tower because of the color scheme. What was the other than? It was colored like a lighthouse with the red and white bands encompassing it, but you didn’t want to say anything definitely. After all, it was somewhat hard to tell.

The coloration indicated a lighthouse, along with the silhouette, but it looked a bit too artistically done. And when something is artistically done, it could be anything. So you’ll call it tower two! Tower two was rather pretty!

Xisuma wasn’t around though. Right. The mountain wasn't around here, was it? Where was it, anyways? It must’ve been pretty far away.

With the prospects of a long walk ahead of you, your shoulders slump. Dear lord, this was more work than you wanted to go through. Who knows how far it is! But it wasn’t just some walking for fun, it had a purpose.

Gathering your remaining energy and grit, you start the laborious, long, and treacherous journey through the continent for Xisuma. Hiking wasn’t your strong suit and keeping an eye out for Xisuma too? This makes everything so much harder.

You were only able to get off the island and back onto the mainland, where you started to scale the mountain before you heard a ruckus. Progressively, it got louder and more discernible. Yelling. Sounded like words. Gibberish, but it slowly grew clearer.

“Oh my gosh,” danced with the wind by your ears. “Oh no.” A cry of your name, or something really similar. Were those words? Those couldn’t be words, right? Whipping your head around, you see Xisuma running your way frantically. Okay, so those were most definitely words if the scene before you proved anything.

Excited, you start your descent back to the ground. Step by step. Is it step by step when you’re climbing? Your focus is on Xisuma. Pretty much entirely. It really shouldn’t have as you misjudge the next step. In the blink of an eye you went from viewing rock to viewing sky and a scary feeling building in your chest. The feeling grew exponentially and it didn’t take a genius to know what was going on.

A scream ripped its way from your chest as it tightened more. Said scream doesn’t last long for it ended as quickly as it came. No air could move, no noise could come out any more. Air was stuck in your throat, unable to reach your lungs. Fear paralyzed your muscles, eyes shut for there was no difference in the view. Everything was blurred and the black was more welcoming and comforting.

Too fast. Time wasn’t even a consideration. A social construct thrown out the window as soon as your fingers lose contact with the rocks.

The ground had to be near by now. It felt like hours passed now, but at the same time everything seemed to be zipping by.

Contact is made, and you expect it to be the end. You grunt as all remaining air is forced from your body. Another noise came from beneath you. Gasping for air, panic made you feel so cold. Is this what death felt like? No air was coming in and you definitely hit the ground. Were you going to die because you slipped up?

Black was encompassing your vision once again. Frantic attempts to regain air were barely rewarded for your lungs remained mostly empty. Everything still felt paralized, but now your chest felt worse. It hurt so much.

Something was moving beneath you. Pink entered your failing vision. It shifted you around, moving your head and body. More accurately, it moved. Your head was placed on a soft surface while your body was on something else.

Slowly your vision ebbed back to reality. Or you did. Everything still felt wonky. But an axolotl helmet came to greet you. That was a nice thing about your vision clearing, you guessed. Pretty pink axolotl.

“Are you okay,” the axolotl shakily asks. It’s hands were shaking and it sounded masculine.

“Yea,” your voice felt and sounded weird. Very airy, frail, and kinda delirious. You know, the “I don't feel right” type of delirious. Is that delirious? Oh wait you were talking! “Yea i’m good.”

“Are you sure,” the axolotl keeps persisting. It seemed to be looking over you for any injuries. How nice of it! “Double sure? Triple sure? No scrapes? Nothing hurts?”

“I’m absolutely sure,” you assure. Man this was a comfy place and you wanted to stay here longer, but you need to get standing. With shaky arms and legs, you unsteadily get up, stumbling or leaning a bit too much at times. The axolotl panics and helps you to your feet, never letting go afterwards. You thank it for its help and try to walk away, back to Xisuma’s house. Though it assists you, staying by your side as if it were attached with cement.

“You need to stop doing stuff like this,” it begs, leading you by the elbow. “It’s like everytime i’m gone, you purposely go get yourself into trouble, get hurt, or try to leave. I don’t get it. Why do you keep doing it?”

To say you were confused would be an understatement. What’s it even talking about?

Suddenly a thought hits you like lighting and everything starts to line up. This is literally Xisuma. How did you forget that? He changes skins with every new season. Wow you either hit your head, panicked and forgot every important detail ever, or you really needed the oxygen for those brain cells because they finally got what they needed to function.

“Sorry,” you really are sorry. For half of those things, if not almost all of them. If you were simply allowed to go back to the Dream smp in peace, you would be completely fine. Not a bother to the hermits, not a walking hazard to society, and you wouldn’t feel inadequate anymore… Actually that wouldn’t go away no matter where you went or what you did. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”

Xisuma doesn’t reply to your words and you start to panic again. “You weren’t in the house and I got really anxious, okay? I didn’t remember where you said you were going and I just… I needed a hug. I know that sounds stupid or childish, but i wasn’t feeling good. And you said that if I needed something, I'd just have to go to you. Oh who am i kidding, this was the dumbest thing ever. I’m so so sorry for bothering you-” Tears started to well up in your eyes, blurring your vision entirely. You were thankful that you weren’t walking alone while like this. Who knew what else you’d get yourself hurt on.

Not only were your words stopped, but your whole body was too. Jerked back by Xisuma, your teary eyes look directly at his visor which only reflects back your pitiful face. Though you don’t see it for long as you’re pulled into a hug by Xisuma. This only causes you to cry harder.

“Hey hey hey,” Xisuma’s voice is a low murmur, a comforting rumble from his chest. “It’s okay. It’s alright. Did I not tell you where I was going before I left?”

Shaking your head, a tiny “no” escapes you between sobs. Xisuma just hugs you tighter and you snuggle closer. That’s if you can, but you still try.

“Oh i’m so sorry,” he starts to pat and rub your back in a comforting manner, repeatedly apologizing for forgetting to tell you. And other things. Though you can’t exactly tell what they are through your sobbing.

It takes ages for you to calm down. You don’t really have much to go off of, besides the sun. What was once a noon sun glaring down on you was a peaceful sunset over the ocean. When you finish crying, only shaky breaths and tear stains remain to show off the previous crying fit. That and the red eyes.

The sunset is pretty, so you focus on that. Positioning your face to not have it smooshed into Xisuma’s chestplate was a struggle since he was holding you so tightly. But you managed. Soon your face wasn’t full on smooshed into his chest plate, only the side. Your cheek was definitely doing that pancake thing which smooshes out like a flat tire.

Everything’s so peaceful and quiet. Only the waves and sea life disturb it, but it made a great background noise. Xisuma soon adds to everything with some light humming. Rumbling from the chest is so comforting. Why was it such a forgettable yet amazing thing? It felt so nice.

With the humming came some rocking. Going side to side, humming a nonsensical tune. Not long after, you join in as well. Yours was definitely less consistently though, for it was broken up but little giggles. The longer you two went on, the more you giggled.

His arms unwrap themselves and you feel disappointed and saddened by the loss. You needn’t wait for long though, as on both sides of your body, you suddenly feel a tingly sensation. Bursting out into laughter, you try to struggle away from the tickle attack Xisuma has launched on you. But he’s relentless, keeping up with your retreat. It’s only when you’re out of breath, on the ground, and playfully yelling your surrender at him, that he stops.

You two start to calm down again. Laughter slowly ebbed away to chuckles or silence. Not an uncomfortable or awkward silence by any means. A safe and comforting one.

“Come on,” Xisuma prompts, getting up from the crouched position he had to be in for his attack, giving out his hand when he was properly on his feet. “Let’s get home before mobs start to spawn.” You’re more than happy to take his hands. With a pull, you’re brought back to your feet. But you two don’t let go of each other’s hands.

Together you two finish the trek home, and rather quickly too. With the sun setting, it was just a matter of minutes before danger would appear. Luckily you two made it to safety without any issues. The beginning area Xisuma had set up was well lit, safe from the dark and the dangers it harbors.

Being back in the base area made you feel more at peace, calmer, less endangered. Whatever you wanted to say, but you felt safer. And everything looked so pretty at night! You really need to come out more with Xisuma. Staring in awe at the builds in a different light, you and Xisuma dawdle on home.

Everything was perfect again. Just like before. You were happy, Xisuma was happy, what else could you need.

Xisuma walks ahead of you to unlock the front door, to which you say a little “thank you” out of habit and slip on by him and into the house. You do mean it, but still, it’s a habit drilled into you.

After getting back into the house, with some idle chit-chat, you start to get things fixed up in the house. Some dinner was in order for the two of you. After all, you just tried to climb a mountain to find Xisuma and who knows if Xisuma actually ate today. Plus you haven't had anything to eat yet. Whoops.

Leaving Xisuma to his own devices, you continue your conversation as you prepare a meal.

You don’t notice him locking the door and windows, or the dark look he has when he sees the window open, or him putting the keys in his pocket after locking all of the other windows. When he doesn’t reply immediately, though, you turn toward the last direction you heard him from, only to reveal an empty house. Perplexed, you look around a bit, but are stopped by a tap on your shoulder.

Jumping, you whirl around to see Xisuma without his helmet on, chuckling at your reaction. Laughing along with him, you give him a nudge with your hip. He returns it, laughing harder when you’re bumped away from him. This goes on for a while as you cook dinner, with Xisuma helping you.

The night goes on like this. Full of gentle, playful antics and a loving atmosphere. The love you felt was immense. You hadn’t felt happier in months.

Xisuma hasn’t been so scared in months either.

He should’ve secured the house better. Made sure you were fine before he left. Locked the windows before he left.

Now he knows to lock windows. You’d try to use them in the future. Better a situation where you went looking for him than you leaving him. But now he knew.

And all was good again.

[imma-potatoo]

Blond Janus Darkside Headcanons

I noticed how I haven't written down any info on the dark sides (Wrath, Apathy, Depression, Remus and pre-AA Virgil). More will be added.

Masterpost

Taglist:

@mother-snake, @writerstrashbin, @psychedelicships, @cryptidwriterdotcom (ask to be removed or added)

Wrath

Leader of the dark sides

Can induce a blind rage

When the rage is happening the recipient cannot control what they say or do and react simply on their first thought

The rage becomes stronger the more angry the person becomes

Wrath can't bring someone out of the rage. He can induce it but the person has to come out of it themselves

He has almost no control of Apathy because of that due to his lack of emotion

Likes to wear a partial suit. Finds that the coat is restricting and makes more complex movements hard

Still owns the coat. Just never wears it.

Symbol is tattooed on his left wrist

Orange and black color scheme. Like this:

Immediate reaction to almost anything is to yell.

Loves huge parties

If he's going to make a point, he makes it loud and clear. Often in front of other people so they can see what happens if you step out of line

Rules the dark sides more like a dictatorship then a family or of equel footing

Believes that they have to bend Thomas to their will and that the light sides are complete fools who will only destroy Thomas life

Wants Thomas to take what he wants and not to worry about who he leaves behind

If Thomas has to kill a politician to get what he wants? Sure go ahead. As long as he gets what he wants

When angry, Wrath is ruthless

He'll take your deepest fear and taunt you with it until you snap under the strain and comply to his every whim

He refuses to take no for an answer

Because of his hatred for the lights; he takes it out on Janus

He's big on public humiliation

If Janus would step out of line; well, he doesn't need all of those scales does he? He's sure Apathy would love to see the reactions if you rip some off

To aid in the control of the others; Wrath has complete control over the food supply

When the others are listening and followings orders. Good, they get to eat properly

When they don't? Your options are moldy bread or cheese that has been out in the open for about a month.

Him and Apathy eat like kings while the others decide between food poisoning and starvation

Likes to take words of affection and make them have a negative meaning (ex: the word Love.) after beating the hell out of someone, he would make them look directly in his eyes and says that he loves them... And he makes them say it back

He hates it when the others cry

Says that they're doing it for attention and that they should shut the fuck up

Apathy

Second in command

Can nullify peoples emotions. Leaving them feeling like an empty shell. The effects normally break after an hour

If Apathy knows your name he can control you like a puppet

White and black outfit. White shirt with black suspenders and pants.

Doesn't show where he keeps his symbol (its on his right ankle, its more like a tattoo then a patch)

Has a deep obsession with fire

Owns a zippo (a lighter that flips open)

Often feels empty due to his function. The fire makes him feel warm, feel more human (as human as the sides can be anyway)

Doesn't quite understand emotion. He understands the basics of it (cry = sad, laugh = hqppy, yell = angry.) but the more complex reactions confuse the hell out of him. Crying out of happiness is one of the things he will never understand.

Because of his lack of understanding of emotions; Apathy tries to understand through making others feel said emotions

Wants to know how someone would react when you break a precious item? Time to find a couple photos.

Will someone scream when you waterboard them? Hm well, only one way to test that.

Opinions change like a flip of a switch

One day he'll help you make dinner with a plastered on smile. The next he'll knock you out and burn you with his lighter with that same smile

Has only properly laughed twice

The first time was when Thomas accidentally laughed at someones funeral (he couldn't cope that the person was gone and his default reaction was to laugh)

The second was after the three of them (wrath, depression and him) shut off the heating to Janus' room and locked him inside

In order to understand things he doesn't know; he does experiments

He's not allowed to experiment on Wrath and Depression has no fun reactions. So he has his fun with Janus instead

Kinda likes it when blood stains his dress shirt

Because its warm. The warmth that once came from the person now belongs to him and it eases the cold empty feeling only slighty and temporary but its warm

He's indifferent on the lights. They're a little too perky for his tastes

Depression

Third in command

Doesn't really get a lot of say with decisions

Can erase certain memories (he doesn't use it very often)

Wears a medium blue dress shirt, brown leather suspenders with a black bowtie.

Normally keeps his sleeve rolled up

When crying; his eyes leak black

If the tears hit your skin, its a 10% chance that you could collapse and start spewing your insecurities while your eyes leak black

Symbol is on the back of his neck

Doesn't really mind not having the control that Apathy and Wrath have

Less work for him to do anyway

Couldn't care about the other twos blatant abuse of Janus

He sees it as a way to keep Janus in line

If Virgil wanted to play father figure he can go ahead. But that doesn't mean he has to be kind

Respects and looks up to Wrath

Normally just follows the lead of the others

He's the epitome of the duckling following the leader

Wrath has steak and potatoes for dinner? Depression also wants that too

Wrath says that they need to bend Thomas to their will? Well duh! Of course!

Wrath says that Janus has been out of line lately? Well why don't we break his leg again to show him a lesson

Most of the time, the food restrictions have no effect on him bc he listens to Wraths every word

Virgil

Was the second in command before he left

Opposed Wrath on his more extreme tactics

Has the ability to control shadows and others own Anxiety

Hated the dress code that Wrath insists on having. What kind of person wears suspenders and a dress shirt daily anyway?

Still wears the stupid things anyway because Wrath said to and he's not in the mood to get beat

Symbol is tattooed on underneath his shirt. The left side

After adopting Janus he lost his position as Wrath's right hand

Kinda pissed him off when he got demoted. Not bc of the loss of power. But bc he couldn't protect Janus as well

After adopting Janus he became the 4th in power (after Depression)

Remus

Is the epitome of don't give a shit

He has the power to conjure things and cause intrusive thoughts

Half the time he ignores the dress code completely

Typically opting for his normal clothes but does own a uniform as well

(if anyone has a better photo of this outfit pls pls pls DM me. I've looked through hundreds of photos and this is the best dark green dress shirt with suspenders I got)

Symbol is tattooed on the swell of his back

Gets practically no opinion on dealings or decisions with plans

Remus is a indifferent party. One moment he'll help you. The next he'll stab you in the back

He mostly just works with who can give him what he wants the fastest

He actually feels pity for Janus

Not like he'll ever act on that but he still feels a bit bad for the guy

Remus is kinda like that uncle at family get togethers that no-one talks to or cares about but he's always there

Janus

Oh boy, where to start?

Has the lowest rank out of every other side

His power (the ability to make people unable to talk) can only be used on the light side of the mind

He is also unable to heal immediately on the dark side

Meaning that he has to treat his wounds the old fashioned way

Doesn't really like the dress code

Only gets to wear his normal outfit when he's visting the light sides

Blond hair (wow! Really? Not like its the the name of the au!!)

His patch isn't a tattoo

This boi has the biggest fucking sweet tooth you could ever imagine

He is also so fucking short

His shoes have lifts to make him taller

He's cold blooded

When he gets focused, he bleps

This is turning fluffy-

He is literally covered head to toe in scars

Almost no skin was left untouched

Lying is a defense mechanism for him. He's deceit! He can lie his way out of anything!

Heavily disagrees on Wraths views

Thomas should get ahead, of course he should. But that shouldn't come at the price of someones life or the cost of his reputation

Hurting someone to get ahead in the short-term is only going to harm you in the long term

To hide the bruses, he applies thick layers of makeup and illusions if he's on the light side

Hasn't gotten a good sleep in years

He's terrified that someone will break into in bedroom while he's sleeping and finish him off

Or that they'll cut the heating again and he'll slowly freeze to death

Or that they'll drag him out of his room and chain him up somewhere to become nothing but a punching bag

He has agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)

Hasn't had positive touch since Virgil left

He has venom. Its very lethal and only activates when threatened

When angry, his eyes glow yellow and his canine teeth grow sharp and long that they stick out of his mouth slightly like fangs

Was meant to be a light side and function as Validity and Societal Self Preservation. But the dark sides found him first and brought him back with them

Virgil is his father figure

Doesn't really know how to feel after finding out that he's not a dark side

He does feel really really lied to and betrayed

But... Virgil is his dad. Virgil raised him

How could he be upset?

Writes down all of his thoughts and complaints in journals that he keeps in his room

He started writing journals when he was very young, so there is hundreds of them

Honestly doesn't know how to feel about him being a light side.

He's mad at Wrath. He knows that. But he can't do anything because his powers don't work on the dark side

He might as well be powerless.

When on the light side (so when all his powers work) his powers include: silencing others, the ability to repress sides/ make them unable to appear to Thomas and illusions.

His title is technically Validity with the added function of societal self preservation

Still goes by Deceit anyway

----

Has three brands burned onto him via Apathy

Is on his left ankle. Its his snake symbol. About the size of your fist

On his right bicep. The word "monster" in bolded writing. About two fingers in thickness.

Left chest, above his heart. The words "Property of the Dark Sides" in cursive text. The writing sits in a box.

All the brands are extremely painful for Janus if touched. Brand #3 is the brand he hates the most

His scales are more in patches then a perfect 50/50 split down his body

More will be added in the future.

[thatfunkyopossum]

Uhhh so I’m just gonna slap a life update under the cut for anyone who’s curious? Also bc this is my blog and I want to be able to vent wherever the hell i feel like. it’ll be messy.

Alrighty so first things first: My mom is in the hospital with some pretty severe cancer. Hospitalized for several months straight severe. It’s happening because of the treatment from her breast cancer several years ago. I’m fine with this. She’s abusive and is completely fine with how she’s treated me since I came out as trans. I know that she’s fine with it because we’ve talked about it and she said as much.

The real problem with this is that i’m now living with my dad alone because my sister moved out earlier this year. Its just the two of us, four dogs, and two cats. This is a problem because my dad has no healthy ways to deal with his stress and frustration so he takes it out on me. His toxic behaviors that have been harming me my entire life have only gotten worse. He refuses to acknowledge that anything he’s ever done has been wrong, and I mean it when I say he’d do anything to help me be better short of ever changing his behavior.

For example, i told him that when he referred to the house and dishes as belonging to him (for example, saying things like “stop leaving my dishes in your room” referring to the dishes i’ve eaten on in my room. Like, the communal dishes the whole family uses? and has for my entire life?) made me feel like a guest in my own home and like i had no claim to anything he told me i was delusional, that he wouldn’t stop talking like that, and that if I wanted any claim on anything in this house that he expects me to maintain I’d have to start paying to live here. I can’t do that, because I’ve only recently gotten a job (i’ve been trying to avoid it because I don’t want to get sick and hurt my friends) and I have to save up so i can either A) get myself the fuck out of here & transition or B) pay for a school program myself that in two years or so could help me get a decently stable and well paying job.

Also, on the topic of paying rent, both of my parents have completely refused to negotiate with me. I asked them to let me move into my sister’s vacated room (it gets more sunlight, is bigger, and overall would be genuinely much better for my emotional health) and I was informed that I’d need to pay them $300 a month to do that. Mind you, my sister only had to pay a percentage of her paycheck up to $300 a month. My parents would accept her maximum as my absolute minimum. So i’m making do with my cramped space.

Its been 2 years since I came out as trans to my parents. The only person in my family to wholeheartedly embrace me aside from my sister is my grandfather who lives 3 hours away. My dad can’t even consistently call me by my name, still calls me “girl”, and acts like he found out a few weeks ago and its still new. He introduces me to strangers as his daughter and by my deadname. He’s a trump supporting capitalist evangelical christian (both parents are) and has been drinking the voter fraud koolaid and doesn’t wear a mask at his job sites.

Every interaction I have with him has me on edge and nervous. I can’t be my own self in the place where i live, and i’m not even allowed the illusion of thinking that this is actually my own home. Even when he’s gone for days at a time I can’t relax because I have four severely neglected hunting dogs that I cannot help and I can’t take care of to monitor and try and control. I have to keep them quiet because if they start barking at the landlord’s dogs (who are allowed to run around outside off lead) the landlords get angry at us. They’re not leash trained, so I physically cannot walk any of them. Karley was abandoned by my middle sister, and is now basically my responsibility.

Tucker, Karley’s son, was left here by my oldest sister who couldn’t take him with her immediately when she moved away. Both of them are purebred german shorthaired pointers because my dad wanted hunting dogs and then never trained them. They’re never taken on walks. Finley is a miniature poodle who belongs to my mom. She was too lazy to play with him with a laser pointer, so yeah. Zeke is an old standard poodle who is dying and my family will not put down even though he seems absolutely miserable. I cannot care for these dogs. I never asked for them to be my responsibility, but I’m the only one who actually cares about their well being except i can’t help them. I don’t know what to do. Finley’s so smart and I can’t do anything to stimulate his brain. Karley and Tucker are so energetic and I don’t have the space or stamina to exercise them, and I can’t teach them to walk on leads because they’re too hyper but they’re too hyper because they’re never walked and they’re never walked because they don’t know how to walk on leads and i can’t do anything about it. Zeke is in pain and there’s nothing I can do about it!

There’s nothing I can do to help them and because they’re all under stimulated and not trained (my family HAS ACTIVELY REFUSED TO TRAIN THEM SAYING IT CANT BE DONE) they destroy my belongings and what few things I have to my own self and I’m told its my fault when they do. They’ve made this house filthy and foul smelling and theres nothing I can do about it.

I’m trapped here and i’m suffocating and I can’t even assert who I am without risking my shelter.

[disslve]

𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐰 & 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 ! this is nai and my cowboy ass is here to throw roxy @ u and also tell u bad jokes and cry over life is strange 2 because i’m still not over this game and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. just a heads up, i came up with roxy on a whim because this rp just looked so good,  so if it seems like i don’t know what i’m talking about ... it’s most likely the case whoops . ( this is an excuse for me bringing shitty muses ). anyway, my fake cowboy ass loves to ramble so if you’re interested in plotting feel free to LIKE this post or hmu. i forgot to mention that i’m also a fake grandma so idk anything about discord at all and i still need to set it up which will happen in the next few days dsdnsdsdn. 

ps: wanted connections/plots can be find in my wanted tag ( a link is on my blog ) and i’ll also list some below !

EDIT: discord name is nai #7158

 * [ kristine froseth + cis-female + she/her ] —— have you met roxanne ‘roxy’ bailey ? they are a twenty-two year old junior currently studying romance languages and literatures. they live on decker house and word around campus is that this scorpio is compassionate + dedicated, as well as impatient + dishonest. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. 

basics.

full name: roxanne elise bailey

nicknames: roxy, rox

sexual orientation: bisexual

birth place: valencia, spain ( but only lived there for five years ) 

history. 

one could say that roxy had lived an easy life, though her parents weren’t distinguished by their social status, it didn’t mean they lacked money which was enough to support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do.

truth to be told, roxy was indeed a little spoiled, the type of kids who would try all kind of things on the expenses of their parents only to quit a new ‘hobby’ again. she could barely stick to anything. she was some twisted kind of golden child, good at many things but never had the patience to continue something for long enough to cultivate it. 

skipping over the part where she almost tried everything from arts, music etc. she finally found her passion ( and even roxy herself was surprised ). figure skating. she didn’t know what drew her in, she couldn’t explain it, she tried it and it felt right. roxy always describes the feeling as finding a soulmate if she feels extra dramatic that day. 

unsurprisingly, she was good at it. not that kind of good at something she was at all the other things she tried before, but that being good at which stemmed from genuine interest. maybe, that is why she managed to get so far. and it didn’t take too long that people even started to call her a figure skating prodigy. 

at this point at her life, she had it all, spinning the stars on her fingertips ( or warning bad pun ahead: spinning on the ice ). until, well, her parents company was in some crisis and they had to cut corners in the meantime. also oh so ‘conveniently’ roxy lived at the arse end of nowhere and getting to her practices was now even more difficult because as mentioned before they had to save their money for more necessary things. of course, there were more things , small and big, which totally threw her off ( which i am too lazy to list rn).

roxy tried to work part time, but a) the money wasn’t enough b) she didn’t want to cut more hours of training she managed to get. AND well, here comes the turning point and roxy thinking she was oh-so-smart without realizing that it would cost her career. oh-so-smart roxy came up with the idea to , well, just steal some stuff. after all, she trained with many other wealthy peers and she could just sell off their stuff or something. 

at the beginning she only did it to afford certain things she needed, but soon it somehow became an addiction. she felt in control when everyone else in her life was an utter mess. however, the more she took things away from others the more she felt comfortable, doing it more often and sometimes taking things which weren’t even worth that much. it was only a matter of time until she was caught. and as if she was lucky for too long, the person who caught her pressured her into either giving them a hefty sum of money (which she didn’t have) or to quit figure skating. she decided for the latter.

well, here she was and her sudden departure was quite a shock. but she had no choice and stated it was for personal reasons. 

skipping over her being devastated over it, etc. her parents managed to save their company (whatever this company is) but at this point it was already too late and roxy was accepted into holloway. 

right now she actually wants to pick up her figure skating career again, however, she’s too afraid that the blackmailer is going to expose her and also she doesn’t really know who they are (lets pretend they wrote her letters, txt messages >??) and also she’s kind of afraid due to the lack of practice she had .

personality.

okay i’ll keep this short bcs i wrote way too much for her background story. but to sum it up, roxy kind of has that perfect girl facade.  considering how many friends roxy has and how social she appears to be it is odd that no one seems to be able to describe her.  roxy doesn’t want people to know who she truly is, and she keeps her distance as she actively avoids conflicts that might cause her to say something wrong and exposes herself. 

she shields her feelings by only presenting polished version of herself, the facade of the perfect girl: kind, hard-working and polite. someone whose life is easy and someone who looks like she doesn’t have any worries. it doesn’t mean she isn’t anything of that, but it’s not as if her kindness has no bounds or that she doesn’t need to put effort into the things she does. nevertheless, she believes that she must be perfect in order to make people like her. and while, she is pretty good at masking her emotions and smile along, as soon as someone threatens to see past the illusion, she will become defensive and won’t hesitate to lie in order to preserve it.

plots.

best friends: although roxy pretty much keeps her distance from everyone else, this person had always stood by her side. maybe they knew about roxy’s sudden wannabe-thief phase ( which she is still in ) and well tried to talk her out of it ( which obviously didn’t work ). also adding some drama here and maybe they had a big argument over it and distanced from each othr because of it. however, my angst ass doesn’t want to ruin it and they’ll rekindle their friendship. they might meet again at holloway and it’s awkward at first, maybe they even have some arguments but they’ll get over it because everyone loves a good rekindled friendship story.

annoyance: someone who gets under roxy’s skin.seeing past the perfect girl face and constantly calling her out on it. maybe they just have fun annoying her and want to see what she really likes or they just don’t like roxy , thinking that beneath all of this act, she is a really unpleasant person. perhaps, they’re even doing it with good intentions and want to show her that she doesn’t need to hide who she is. whatever it is, they’re determined to expose to the world who she really is. 

pen pal ??:  muse a and roxy had been friends for a very long time, yet the funny thing is that they’ve never met each other nor do they know what the other look like. all they know is their name ( or maybe they only know each other by their usernames ) and their deepest secrets. maybe they already have crossed paths many times and perhaps even know each other but don’t like each other irl. or they never had noticed the other.

blackmailer: BECAUSE WHY NOT??? the person who forced roxy to give up on figure skating. maybe, they were a rival or just didn’t like her, or any other reason. they might as well, have noticed that roxy is secretly training again and might be back at their shit again. 

exes: GIVE ME THE ANGST, maybe muse a and roxy used to be in a serious relationship and as naive they were back then both of them thought this love would last forever. however, at some point roxy started to distance herself from muse a, constantly cancelling their dates because of their busy schedule. at first muse a tried to be understanding towards her, but as time passed things only got worse. roxy hating any kind of conflict just decided to ignore the problem instead about talking about it and eventually stopped replying to muse a messages. muse a never really got to know the real reason behind their break up and was left with unanswered questions. but anything works  

unrequited love: (this is just me throwing in my favourite way to make myself suffer) It doesn’t matter who is the one with the the one sided love because i just want some good angst.a)  muse a has a crush on roxy, yet they never told her about it. yet, muse a can’t hide it and it doesn’t take too long until roxy notices it. but instead of trying to talk to muse a about it, roxy just ignores it acting as she usually does and perhaps even give them false hope that she might like them back. maybe muse a even confessed to her and because roxy didn’t want to hurt them she told muse a she’d think about it.

b) roxy has a crush on muse a but doesn’t admit it. she doesn’t want to show their vunerable side and just plays it down. maybe they’re friends and roxy doesn’t want to lose another friend. but one day she confesses to muse a on accident, making everything awkward between them.

someone she stole from: idk i thought this would be fun ? maybe she confessed to them about it or maybe they caught her but decided to not confront her about it.

fan: someone who used to watch her perfomances on their tv and is still not over the fact that she quit.

i also have a connection page on my blog if these are too specific or none of these work 

i’m too tired to come up with more dsdsdnjsd but gimme everything !! THE ANGST, FLUFF, DRAMA PLS!!! 

[darkpoisonouslove]

I’m here again. Faragonda, Sky, Tecna, and Darcy, please xD

Hi again! XD Thanks for sending more!

Faragonda:

- How I feel about this character:

I love her! She is amazing! I love that she is very patient and warm but also won't let anyone hurt the people she loves. She's a badass. She can fight her own battles and has a strong will and resolve despite her kind attitude and her desire to solve things peacefully and I think that is a great combination of characteristics. I love that she's always there for her students and is super understanding. I think she's a great headmistress.

- All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Griffin. They know each other so well and understand and respect each other. Let's be real, that would be the perfect relationship.

Hagen. I have only seen the two minutes of interactions they had in "Secret of the Lost Kingdom" so you can pretty much blame @trashcankitty12 for that since it started from her fanfiction. I just realized a few days ago that they are the sunshine and raincloud trope and I kinda like that, though, it could've been done better.

Griselda. Idk, I've seen this and I think it would work as well. Honestly, I would be more sold if we'd seen more of their relationship but I guess we'll just... have to die. 😑

- My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Griffin. Like I said, I live for this friendship. They have so much history and not all of it is pretty but they are still as close as ever. I love the fact that they've had major crises in their friendship but they still managed to get over them and trust each other. And Faragonda is so supportive of Griffin, I can't. Not to mention that they're both super protective of each other.

- My unpopular opinion about this character:

I think Faragonda is more selfish than expected. What I mean with this is that she would totally sacrifice herself for the people she loves, just as well as she would sacrifice everyone else for the people she loves. This would make sense if you look at her past, too. She most certainly went through big rejection when she discovered she was a fairy. Not only from her family, but also from pretty much everyone else in her life. So the few people that stuck with her mean the world to her and she can't afford to lose them no matter what it means for anyone else. And Marion and Oritel's death only exacerbated that thought process.

- One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish we'd learned more about her family and the time she thought she was a witch. I think that would've been really interesting and could have brought up some magical lore. Like, more about the fairies and witches and how  light and dark magic came to be (also, am I the only one who thinks we should have gotten more emphasis on Mirta and maybe seen a conversation between her and Faragonda since Mirta is the only one we know of who's been through the same thing Faragonda has?). I reaaaaaaally want to know how she handled that period. (Spoiler: I might have an idea about that and it might be morphing into a fanfic instead of the set of headcanons it was supposed to be.)

Sky:

- How I feel about this character:

Uh... Can I skip this question? 😅 Honestly, I don't really like him. He has some qualities that I like but just... No? I don't feel it.

- All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Honestly, I don't care about his romantic life. I would say Bloom, but they are the only canon ship that I really don't give a damn about.

- My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Brandon. As much as I hated their idea to switch identities in season 1, that's a sign for some strong friendship. You don't just do that with anyone and I like the fact that he's so close with someone who was supposed to be just a servant to him. We haven't seen anything about his life as a prince but I'm willing to bet he didn't have many real friends so it's good to see him have a genuine friendship.

- My unpopular opinion about this character:

I don't like his relationship with Bloom. I feel like they don't fucking communicate, like, at all! At least half, no, wait, at least 70% of their drama would've been avoided if they talked to each other and he trusted her to tell her shit. Imagine how much cooler it would have been if he'd told her that he was actually prince Sky and he was engaged but he likes her and doesn't want to be with Diaspro. And then Bloom could've sneaked on the Day of the Royals for support and because she wanted to see Diaspro and the two of them could've actually talked which would have provided an opportunity for character depth for Diaspro. Maybe she would get to tell Bloom why she loves Sky and Bloom would feel bad bc apparently Diaspro's feelings are genuine but they aren't reciprocated and we could have some quality drama there with Sky and Bloom both trying to let Diaspro down easily and after a period of adaptation they could have all been friends. Now i want to write this. *exasperated sigh*

- One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Get some goddamn backstory! I know I say the same about all of the characters, but that's because they have the same flaw in getting no fucking backstory. How are we supposed to get this character when we have no idea why the hell they are like that? I feel like Sky could be a great character if they'd delved more into what makes him like that. Why did he feel the need to swap identities with Brendon? They said that he wanted to see what not being a royalty was like but why? Was he tired of being a prince and just wanted to be normal (in which case some backstory would have fit right in) or did he want to see how ordinary people get treated so that he could get them better for when he became a king? Just give me something about this character's life gdi!

Tecna:

- How I feel about this character:

Pretty meh tbh. She is so underdeveloped, it's painful. We don't know anything about her except that she's good with technology and smart. That doesn't make up an entire personality and it doesn't make her very relatable for me.

- All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Timmy. We get to see some emotional reactions from both of them when they're together and I like that. I just wish they'd done more with them even if in the context of their passion of technology. Just let them go on a super cute nerdy date where they go look for computer parts at a second-hand technology store or something. If they're only gonna have one characteristic, at least expand it to the point where it's believable that it's taken over their lives because they are so interested in it. There were so many possibilities.

- My non-romantic OTP for this character:

... Error 404: File not found. Honestly, her relationships with the others are so non-existent that I don't really... have anything for this category. Like, who is she closest to? I have no idea. I'm gonna say Musa, though, because: a) I think music and technology together can make some pretty cool things and b) Musa seems prone to hiding her emotions and Tecna is a bit detached from her own feelings so I feel like that could be a bonding point while they can also learn something from each other. (Man... I feel like exploring the possibilities now... Gdi! I have no time for that.)

- My unpopular opinion about this character:

I feel like Tecna's powers were very underestimated. And not just on a magical level. She is super smart and inventive and she should've been given a bigger role in a lot of the missions. Also, if any of the magical realms are anything like Earth, then Tecna could be super useful and vital to missions since everything is so technology-based. None of that was well utilized. None of it.

- One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish she'd gotten her Enchantix differently. Faragonda said that to get Enchantix they had to sacrifice themselves for someone from their planet. Yet, Tecna sacrificed herself for Layla's planet and still got her Enchantix. Now technically, there might have been a Zenithian on Andros at the time, so in saving the planet Tecna saved that Zenithian as well but that is totally not what Faragonda meant there, I'm sorry. Also, if they'd gotten her to save someone from her own planet, we could have learned something more about her and her backstory. I think it would've been better.

Darcy:

-How I feel about this character:

She's my fave Trix! I've loved her since I was little. I love that Darcy is more collected and controlled than Icy and Stormy but she can be just as terrible when she's raging. I like that her composure doesn't make her more stable than they are and she can totally flip from calm to mad in 0.03 seconds. It makes her unpredictable and allows her to fit in with the temper of her besties while she also remains different from them. I love her powers! They're so cool and I wish we'd seen more of them. I'm sure they could've made something amazing if they had messed around with her power of illusions. Come to think of it that fits well with her character, too, since she isn't patient and calm but only gives the illusion of that.

- All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Riven. Look, I know that relationship was as unhealthy as it gets, but they looked cute gdi! In an AU maybe they could've been the perfect couple.

Maybe Flora a little bit. Don't ask me why, I don't know. I just remembered I had some thoughts on this but I can't quite piece it together yet. I think that could have some cool symbolism, though, because in a way Darcy's powers are the opposite of Flora's since plants need light to survive and Darcy's powers are... well, darkness. Also, nature doesn't pretend and Darcy's magic is literally focused on deception so...

- My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Icy and Stormy. They've had less than graceful moments in their friendship but they stuck together through it all and I actually like that. It gives them some depth (which, let's be real, they were very lacking of) and I appreciated it. I feel like I prefer her relationship with Stormy since they are more on equal ground while Icy separates herself as the leader of the trio (and the worst of them tbh).

- My unpopular opinion about this character:

I think Darcy is actually a lot like Musa but their approach to feelings is different. Musa will erupt when she reaches her boiling point while Darcy is more calculating in that regard and is more likely to hide her feelings if she's after something that exploding will get in the way of. So basically, you could say Musa is more genuine while Darcy is more for pretense in the name of her goal. Musa's feelings find outlet in the harmony of her music while Darcy's cause chaos and it's an interesting opposition to work with, especially considering that sometimes their reactions can overlap. I can see how Riven can be confused as to which one of them would be better for him.

- One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish we'd gotten some backstory. What was her life like that it made her want universl domination? How did she meet Icy and Stormy and how did they become friends, considering that neither of them are exactly open to bonding? How are they connected to the Ancestral Wicthes (I mean, they can't be direct descendants so what is up with that) and how did  they get their hands on the Whisperian Crystals (also, where the hell did the Crystals go after season 1)? So many questions and no answers.

This was so fun! I got so many new thoughts! So... Ask box is still open! 😁

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ do as your heart tells you.

date: january to early february 2020. some time around there.

location: ash’s apartment.

word count: 1,839 words, not including lyrics.

summary: n/a.

notes: creative claims verification. mentions of youngjoo because... yeah. if you thought i would proofread this and/or provide anything of quality, you thought wrong.

it’s been ages since he wrote something truly sweet, or it feels that way to ash. in truth, he doesn’t know that he’s in the right headspace to be writing anything sweet, but he’s supposed to come back in the spring and he needs to give bc something or they’ll give him something and that’s the last thing he wants if he’s to be honest. he knows he can call up one of the in-house producers he’s grown closer to in the past year, but he’s afraid to end up with another “romanticism”. he isn’t embarrassed of that song, but it hadn’t been the song he’d have written on his own, so he resolves to do just that for this one. it won’t be the first song he creates unaided by any measure, but it’s the first time doing it with the sole intent of proving himself in this way.

he starts it with a beat. as his sound has grown more and more inspired by rhythm and blues, ash has discovered how helpful starting with a beat can be. for years, at the beginning of his songwriting journey, he’d begun songs from the point he knew best. this meant creating chord structures based on a piano or guitar instrumental, but he’s a professional now and he doesn’t have a beatmaker simply for appearance’s sake. different songs call for different processes and a hit needs a good beat.

bc has never let him write one of his promoted singles entirely on his own before. they haven’t exactly given him the go ahead yet this time either, but he’s determined to do it on his own. every comeback, he sees the same comments about how his songwriting is an image they’re pushing. as an idol, and the claims that he must not have the skills to do it on his own. it’s not most people, but even a minority claiming that he’s getting credit when his collaborators, the serious professional producers, do all the heavy lifting, nag at his dignity as a songwriter. it’s not that he doesn’t appreciate all of the hard work others put in when he works with them, but, after a while, the comments have begun to get to him too. is he good enough or is he being hard-carried by those with degrees in music production and jobs earned by their skill at song making?

being an idol isn’t defined by being a pretty face alone like so many would believe. ash will argue that until the day he dies. songwriting ability certainly isn’t a requirement. in fact, ash thinks some companies would prefer their idols don’t express interest in the creation of songs at all beyond the performance, but stamping the title of idol onto his job description never sucked dry ash’s love of music and his desire to create it. if anything, being thrown song after song he couldn’t stand only pushed him more into a desire for control over what he’s putting out. he can pretend he’s unbothered by online commentators thinking they know more about the work he puts into one of the few passions he has left than he does, but even knowing he shouldn’t really care, his attempt at indifference had cracked almost immediately.

he’s only playing around at first, not set on the sound he wants for the song. it’s a song that’s supposed to represent the season of spring, though, and he does know what he wants spring to be. perhaps it’s cliche and he should try to avert expectations instead of falling deep into the pothole in the road they are, but, to him, spring is love, new and pure and passionate. following the cold push and pull game of winter, it’s the blossoming warmth of an embrace between new lovers and falling in love with love.

the beat he creates is slow and plodding, a classic accent on the type of slow jam r&b the song heads toward as he experiments with the composition. he lays held chords over it and the instrumental feels lazy in all of the right ways, like a slightly chilly morning spent in bed with a lover as the sun begins to spill in through the window.

it’s a fantasy. that experience isn’t one he has much anymore, not in the way he’s thinking of it. the last time he had, it had been with youngjoo, and what they are to each other… it doesn’t fit the song he’s trying to write.

that’s what he tells himself, and then promptly gets stuck trying to capture the feelings he wants to bring to life. he has a base, but there’s little more to it than that and he needs more than a skeleton to convince bc entertainment that he’s good enough on his own to have their promotion budget put behind the song.

it’s like his brain hits a roadblock and for days, no matter how hard he tries to write, nothing good comes to him. he neglects other songs he’s supposed to be working on and switches up keys and rhythms and a few alterations stick — they’re genuinely better than what he’d started with—, but all he winds up is a slightly different skeleton, not a fully-formed track.

then, he invites youngjoo over one night. he’s been locked up in his studio for days, not seeing anyone outside of the schedules he’s contractually obligated to attend, and he blames that fact and the drinks he has.

“it’s been a long week,” he confides to her, but quickly moves on so as not to lay the exhaustion of his creative block onto her. there’s nothing she can do to help. she has a way with music, but he’s too determined to do it all on his own to ask for help on this song.

she leaves and he finds himself drunk off of more than sweet liquor.

like he’s drawn by a force out of his control, ash’s feet pull him to his studio and he writes and rearranges and records. when he’s sober, he’ll cringe at his attempts at singing, but it’s more work on the song than he’s gotten done in a long while.

the fruits of his labor are there in the morning when he’s tending to his headache with his second cup of black coffee. the night prior isn’t a blur, but it’s not entirely clear to him either. he only recalls what he’d written when he finds the vocal files he’d recorded his lyrical ideas on.

they’re not bad.

and they’re not really about youngjoo, he tells himself. it’s about affection, infatuation, love… and if thinking of youngjoo the night before (that hadn’t gotten drowned out in his intoxication — he remembers vividly how the lyrics had come to be) had helped him connect to the emotions he wants to write the best, it doesn’t really mean anything.

he’d tried for days to write something romantic out of his imagination, but it had all fallen flat. he’d revisited his favorite romantic comedies and listened to his favorite love songs, but wasn’t until he’d spent an evening with youngjoo again that it had come easily to him.

it’s lingering memories of when they’d dated. yeah, that must be it because, yeah, he can admit he feels something for her, but it’s not that much — not enough to make him sound like he’s falling in love, something he hasn’t written much at all about since he’d ended his last relationship.

they’re sleeping together. of course ash feels something when they’re together. he’s never committed to the illusion of complete detachment from anyone he sleeps with. sex is inherently intimate, so, yes, he has words to write about the warmth of her gaze and the rose blush on her skin. sue him.

he goes over the lyrics again and it’s harder to convince himself of his own theory of revisiting past emotions because the words don’t convey distant feelings he can’t connect with anymore. if they were supposed to be far off memories, they aren’t. the fact that he can finish the lyrics sober and without a reminiscent mind is evidence of that. she comes to mind when he tries to re-record himself and it’s not a romanticized version of the past, when she’d been his girlfriend. it’s youngjoo, wearing what she’d been wearing the last time he saw her, with her hair styled the same and the air of ash’s apartment around them.

he ponders it. he can’t help it.

why had it been so much easier to break past the barrier drunk? had he thought he wouldn’t have to take responsibility for the words that came out? had he supposed, in the aftermath, he could blame it all on his delusional drunk mind? had that security blanket been what he needed to figure out the end of the song? because the blanket’s been ripped away now and the self-realization is an odd mix of too cold and too hot.

the words he’d built to flow off the end of the bridge are the ones that cling to him the most. no matter how he tries to focus on other parts of the song, his mind keeps floating back to the one question he’d repeated like an echo at the closing of the bridge section.

do you love me like i love you?

does he love her? drunk, he’d apparently thought he did, but that doesn’t make it true.

love is a scary word now in a way he’d never thought it could be to him. love. he’d said it so easily to youngjoo in such a short time when they’d been together, but that is lifetimes ago now. even when they’d broken up, he’d never regretted confessing the depth of his feelings to her. they’d been true and, if nothing else, he was an honest man who’d given his heart proudly.

the ash he is now isn’t the same. he can’t say it so easily, not when they’re like this and not when the pieces of his worn out heart are kept locked away in cages to keep him from the temptation of gluing them back together again and sacrificing the bloody, beating pulp of himself again to anyone when it’d failed every time before.

does she love him? no, of course she doesn’t. he’d hurt her and now they’re friends with benefits. those benefits happen to include a lot more emotional baggage than sex alone, and ash isn’t detached from reality enough to deny that, but emotional dependency doesn’t make love any more than sex itself does.

it pricks him like thorns in his back and he can’t ignore the feeling that crawls up his spine. it’s wrong to go back into the chorus after a question as earth shattering as that, so, in an impulsive outburst of risky creative decision-making, ash cuts the final chorus.

that’s it.

it will end with a bridge going nowhere. how fitting of the messy, bitter brew of feelings that had turned into a love song.

[kisstheashes]

👀👀👀 Got anything you can tell us about SP?

OH BOY! Alright. Since you didn’t ask for any particular chapter, you’re getting a SHITTON of info. *cracks knuckles* Let’s get started.

This ended up being long af so there needed to be a cut!

1) When I first had the idea for SP, I was heavily inspired not only by SAW in general but SAW II in particular. SAW II takes place in an abandoned house (SP takes place in an abandoned warehouse for the first 8 chapters), and every person had an individual trap made specifically for them (the first 8 chapters are split up by person, and Anti has unique methods for all of them).

2) SP was the first story I’ve planned out for years. And still YET, it’s not what it was supposed to be. The original ending for SP was basically…nearly everyone dies.

2.5) What almost became the real ending (not the original ending, a different idea) was something like this: Anti kills Chase and has Schneep, but that’s where the similarities end. (suicide TW ahead) Anti was supposed to take Marvin and make him a puppet. And Jackie, traumatized and desperate to find his brothers, leaves a barely functional JJ alone and without help. So JJ ends up killing himself with Chase’s old gun while Jackie is looking for Anti’s hideout. Jackie comes back and sees a dead JJ and loses it. He can’t cope. It was supposed to end with Jackie standing by JJ’s grave, feeling like an utter failure, and Anti approaches him, tells him that since there’s nothing left for him here, what’s he to lose by becoming a puppet? And Jackie goes with him. I can’t tell whether that’s more or less tragic than the real ending.

3) When I FIRST sat down to start writing the very first lines, I had no idea who my main character would be. It’s such a little moment, but I remember it so so clearly. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, just waiting to see who would wake up first (a la SAW style) and I actually recoiled when it was Marvin. I never paid him any attention before SP. And I just went “Ma…Marvin?? Are you sure brain?? MARVIN??” Yes, my brain was sure XD

4) First chapter. Everything happened as planned, which if you are a writer or know us, you know this is very rare. Everyone woke up, the narration was smooth, the characters were introduced so nicely, and their relationships with Anti were automatically all so different from each other. It went beautifully.

5) Chapter 2: Static Corruption. This chapter gave me issues. I originally wanted Anti to force Schneep to “operate” on one of his brothers, but the pieces weren’t moving in that direction. Then I was like ‘oh, I’ll still keep the operation table there because he’ll likely need it since Anti won’t want his puppets to die.’ That…was supposed to happen but didn’t. The operation table ended up being there simply to mock Schneep. I would 100% go back and redo how I did that so that would come across clearer, since I know it’s purpose was left very vague. 

5.5) I am so SO proud of Schneep’s corruption. To be honest, I had no fucking idea what I was doing. I was still learning about Anti and his powers, how he does things, and honestly I should go back and reread it because it came together so well. And Schneep was the first to go because he had already been corrupted, and weakened. He was an easy target, and Anti KNEW he needed Schneep because he can’t easily heal wounds. Anti’s smart like that.

6) Chapter 3 & 4: Burn Marks. Anti had to take out Marvin early. He knew this like he knew he needed Schneep. Marvin was not only powerful but he was hard to break. He was controlled. He wasn’t easily moved to rash decisions and as long as his breathing was steady, he was in control. Hence the collar in ch 3. Anti also knew that Marvin could not use as much magic if he didn’t have his wand, hence taking it from him in the beginning of the chapter. And he knew Marvin was scared of fire. 

6.5) Character analysis aside though, this chapter was my first true dive into torture. I’d never written torture before this chapter. Never. I surprised myself, honestly. When I wrote Anti sticking the raw blowtorch into the cauterized cut, I was floored. I kinda didn’t know it was happening until it did. XD And Anti forcing Marvin to eat his own flesh was…somehow logical to me? I was like ‘maybe since Anti eats flesh he thinks Marv will like it too.’ Which was wrong. He just wanted to torture my son. But these two chapters are everything to me, being my first delve into torture. Really, these chapters, and especially chapter four, started it all. I was really excited to write more gore. 

7) Ch 5: Consequences. Everyone hates this chapter. When I get new readers now, about half of them who ‘like’ every single chapter will skip ‘liking’ this chapter. Because I was ballsy and killed Chase. In front of his daughter. Not only did I kill Chase, I dismembered him and had Anti eat his organs. That’s ballsy as fuck, but at the time I had no idea it was so ballsy. What I did think might be too much and what I do regret is not killing Jasmine instantly and only making that an illusion. I’ve said this before. I still hate myself for it. I should have just outright killed her. I wrote it to showcase how awful Anti is. I took it out because I ws scared. I regretted it the moment I uploaded it, and that’s when I told myself I’d never censor my writing again. So I don’t. While that’s an awful moment in the series, I did learn a very valuable lesson that I will pass onto every writer I know. When it comes to awful deeds, don’t censor yourself.

8) Ch 6: Questionably Human. First of all, this chapter wasn’t supposed to exist, point blank, period. When I originally wrote SP, this chapter wasn’t there. I added it in because as I edited through and understood Marvin more, I knew Anti would understand he couldn’t leave Marvin alone through dealing with all of the other Septics. He’s too resilient. So I added this chapter in. And it was also my first true delve into psychological toture/manipulation with Anti. Which is very interesting with my Anti, because he can’t lie. Working an entire chapter around half truths and whole truths was tricky. It was a challenge. But y’know, I think it probably helped me be able to do other tricky dialogue, like with Maze. 

8.5) Because writing Schneep as a puppet deserves it’s own bullet. I had NO idea how I was going to do this. Because of how my Anti’s puppets work, I didn’t have a clue how to do this. Anti’s puppets keep their base personality so he can have them out in the world, undercover ect without anyone seeing anything weird. But they also don’t have thoughts of their own, or really wants of their own, besides very basic needs. This is a tricky combination when it comes to the stubborn, mood-swingy, irritable, mind of his own doctor. And honestly, I don’t know how I pulled it off. I can’t remember how I did this so well. It’s just a blank XD

9) Ch 7: Broken Toys. This is my personal favorite chapter. JJ’s chapter was unqiue in so many ways, because he had a legitimate past with Anti. Anti pretended to be his friend, then tortured him for days on end. So we have long flashbacks that portray this, and I was really nervous they weren’t blended well. They have a dialogue where JJ speaks only in his head, which is very unique. And in this chapter, I faced one of my squicks. I hate eye gore. Yet I braved it and took JJ’s eye out with a melonballer, then Anti ate it. That was fuckin gross, tbh. XD The ending of his chapter though. It changed 3 times. The original ending did make use of the operation table, but I hated it bc I didn’t know how to write puppet Schneep and scrapped it. I think the second ending was JJ bleeding out on the floor. The third ending is the meathook ending. Absolutely horrific ending, when you take into account 1) its fucking meathooks and 2) they had to be ripped out of healed muscle and skin. I went balls to the walls for this chapter as well, and it fucking payed off. 

10) Ch 8: Glitched Death. This is the start of the chapters that are like ‘I’m writing it but idk where it’s going.’ I had no idea any of it was going to happen, but damn I’m glad all of it did. And again with the ballsy moves, disabling Jackie was ballsy as fuck. It shocked a lot of people like nothing had before. Though my most proud moment of this chapter was the fight scene. The last time I’d written a fight scene was when I was ten. I didn’t do any research or nothing. I just DID. And I remember a comment was “I didn’t know you could write fight scenes!” I didn’t either. But I remember being really happy to write Marvin as such a badass :D To show that he was ready to kill Anti no matter the cost. The worst part of the chapter was writing Jackie pulling the meathooks out. I hated that. I hated it so much. Listen, I know JJ deserved better. And how many of you caught that Anti was very weak as this chapter ended? ;)

11) Ch. 9: Irrepareable Damage. This chapter was hard to write. I hadn’t jumped time like this for a long time. The first 8 chapters all take place in one night. Ch 9 took place over a month and a half, showcasing the immediate aftermath of what happened. Chase and his daughter were dead. Jackie was wheelchair bound. JJ had limited sight and mobility. Marvin’s panic disorder grew worse, and they all had night terrors. It was endlessly emotional. And then…you get to the end. And it hits you in the fucking gut. Anti carves his name into Marvin’s skin, while essentially having him drugged. And Marvin comes to, and sees the wound, and cries. He’s reaping what he sowed and he hates every minute of it.

12) Ch 10: Torn Stitches. I still don’t care for this chapter. It feels too dull. But you guys seemed to like it, so I guess that means its good, right? This chapter was special to me though, because I’d never touched on Marvin’s backstory much. And it was important to me that you all knew it, for some reason. Plus his old friends just fit into the narrative, so I indulged myself. And that’s the other thing. First chapters with OCs. I don’t care for Silas that much, but I really like Whitney. She’s fun. This chapter was necessary as well, so you could see all of the aftermath slowed down. See how damaged they are, and see the aftermath of the carving. Which I again smack ya’ll in the face with the end. 

13) As closing, this story is my baby. And i’ve got a lot more angst coming for it, even if only 2 chapters are left (supposedly). 42.5k words, 11 chapters, and we ain’t done yet. I’ve got huge plans for the next chapter, so watch out for it. ;)

Author Commentary?

[celticmess]

Dystopian Descendants City Au or smth idk they’re taken from their hosts and trapped in a city

Starring:

Antisepticeye

Darkiishu

Dorkiplier Darkiplier 

Peevils

Infelix

Madzia

Including:

Sanders Sides

JSE Egos

Iplier Egos

Madpat

Blankgameplays (Corrupted Crank, Ethan’s one)

Apocalypse (Tyler’s one)

Now for the details!

Location

they’re held in a small, secluded + abandoned city by humans

they’re given free rein within the city

egos like Dark + Anti call other egos that they share a host with “siblings”

there’s no government

no law

the place is run by violence

everyone is short on temper for different reasons

all of the egos and their host were taken by special services

no one knows where they are now

two rules: do not attempt to escape + no killing

once a month the humans gather them in the city centre and one figment is taken

for now they’ve only taken a few minor figments + characters (Paultin, Pluck, Heathen + the Author)

no one knows where they go

or why

but they don’t come back.

Anti

like our Anti, but edgier.

hangs around with Darkiishu, Dark, Peevils, Infelix + Madzia

fights with Dark regularly

basically daily

and it never surprises anyone at this point

he’s from a large ego group (they call each other siblings)

he’s the oldest ego but they alienate him the most

he terrifies his “siblings” when he’s angry and/or drunk

usually stays out of the house messing about with his group

by messing about I mean tearing up the area

he comes home when his “siblings” are asleep and leaves before they wake up

whenever he’s home before they go to sleep, they end up being really hostile

never physically, but it’s implied

they know they can’t beat him in a fight

everyone can tell when to stop pushing his temper

his glitches get more uncontrollable as his heart rate heightens

you can hear him before you see him, the sound of static follows him everywhere

Darkiishu

has everyone on strings

you need something? You have 2-3 choices depending on what you need: Darkiishu, Phantom + Darkiplier

only hangs out with Anti, Dark + Infelix because they work as bodyguards without knowing it

bc as if you’re gonna attack a lady who hangs with the power trio

only likes two people: Peevils + Madzia

and she even ends up arguing with the sometimes

they’re usually able to talk it out tho

unlike Dark + Anti who’ll beat the shit out of each other anywhere anytime

can never be in photos bc her ability blurs them

the blurriness of he photo changes with her mood

if she’s happy, it’s not too bad, but photograph her pissed and it’s a blurry mess

she stays in a random old broken apartment she fixed up herself

sometimes Anti crashes on her sofa

she’s always the one who hosts Ladies Nights on Saturdays

she controls illusions

Do̴rk͢ip͜l̶ier  Darkiplier

a lot more reckless than our Dark

wears a lot of hoodies

he has a ornate little silver bracelet to keep his powers in check

the googles made it for him

he probably turns it into the top of his cane later on

his hobby is pissing off Anti

starts the fights on purpose

sometimes to vent, sometimes for entertainment

either way, Anti is happy to fight

he’s the third oldest out of his ego group

the host and Wilford are older than him. There was the Author...

he argues with Wilford a lot and Host too when he comes out of his library

he scares the younger ones (Bim, Ed, Silver, King, etc.)

he also doesn’t control his aura very well (hence why he has the bracelet)

so his shell cracks a lot more frequently than it does in our universe

Peevils

lives with Darkiishu most of the time

can manipulate reflections

if you’ve pissed her off avoid any and all reflective surfaces

she can and will summon your reflection from said surface and have it murder you brutally

she’s very close with Darkiishu

if you mess with one you mess with both

and both are scary

she could not care less about Dark, Anti or Infelix even if she tries

has nearly gotten into a fight with Anti on many occasions

will most likely leave the apartment if Anti is crashing for the night

her and Anti avoid each other as much as possible

is dangerously close to strangling Infelix with his own reflection

Infelix

lives with Madzia in an isolated apartment in a place no one knows about

none of the others have ever been there

he has eyes everywhere

quite literally

can create semi-sentient ink monsters

he’s the most powerful entity

and everyone knows it

even if he doesn’t fight

the other figments and entities can fight over a subject

but Infelix says something about it? that thing is always considered

low-key cares about the people he hangs out with

he pretends he doesn’t tho

he finds Anti + Dark’s fights highly entertaining

makes it his mission to try and start a fight between Anti and Peevils

Madzia

the sclera of her eyes are a faint pastel colour (she can change whenever she wants)

when she uses her powers, her whole eye goes the colour of her sclera

she’s part siren

so she can charm anyone except sirens

she doesn’t need to sing

she lives with Infelix

they get along really well

she enjoys her Ladies Night with Peevils and Darkiishu on Saturdays tho

she gets really fed up with the fights

she herself is actually pretty docile

doesn’t mean she’s harmless though

her, Peevils and Darkiishu are always there for each other

they all love each other’s company

they’re so close because they’re basically the only females

Sanders Sides

by far the most harmless figments

Logan spends a lot of time with Dr. Iplier and Dr. Schneeplestein in the makeshift infirmary

he makes a lot of the cures with what they have

if it weren’t for these three, the no killing rule would’ve been broken ten billion times

Patton runs a safehouse for the smaller, peaceful egos (King, Bim, Silver, Ed, Robbie as well as Heathen and Pluck occasionally) and was one of the most emotional when Heathen and Pluck got taken

Sometimes Virgil hangs out with Patton’s group, sometimes he joins Darkiishu, Peevils + Madzia for Ladies Night

his best friend was Heathen

losing Heathen hit him really hard

now he hangs out with Robbie, JJ and sometimes Marvin when he’s not running around with JB and Roman

Roman loves playing hero with JB and sometimes Marvin

occasionally Silver will join in

the group break up fights before the no kill rule gets broken

Deceit doesn’t “hang out” with anyone

but he’s a good source of information

his top clients are Dark, Peevils and Phantom

NWTB Egos

there’s a lack of entertainment in the city

so Mare performs in the city centre regularly

sometimes he’ll have Anti drum for him

it usually attracts a crowd

there isn’t really anything in the city to do except fight

so most of the population turns up

he’s also had a fair share of fights

Sharper is the one who fixed up the place that the battle egos stay in

so the place is full of tools and random machines

he always patches up Mare and Phantom when they get into fights

he doesn’t trust them not to kill the doctors

Phantom isn’t home very often

usually when he comes home it’s because he’s hurt

the rest of the time he’s in his office

he won the place in a bet

and traded info for interior decoration

it doubles as a bar and it’s pretty popular because it is the only bar

Mare and Phantom were livid when Heathen was taken

fortunately Sharper built a saferoom when he fixed up the place

he had to lock them in for several days

JSE Egos

none of them trust Anti

JB goes into protective mode if Anti turns up while they’re awake

the only one who goes near him is Robbie and sometimes JJ

the others all tend to keep their distance

JB loves spending time with Roman when he’s not protecting his siblings

stopping fights make him feel like a real hero

it also boosts his confidence and every time he goes home he feels more prepared to defend against Anti

he’s convinced Anti is planning something and is determined to keep his siblings safe

on the rare occasion JB isn’t home when Anti is, Marvin steps up

he’s not as confident or as hostile as JB

or as powerful

but he’s just as protective

on the nights he knows Anti is staying with Darkiishu he joins Roman and JB

he loves those nights

JJ is very curious

him and Robbie are the only JSE Egos who have willingly and peacefully approached Anti

When JJ first walked up to Anti, it surprised Anti so much he dropped his croissant

a croissant he stole from Peevils

then he tried to scare him away

but JJ just smiled at him

they don’t interact often at all but JJ will always try and calm JB and Marvin down before they attack

Anti is always hella grateful but never gets a chance to show it

Robbie shocked Anti by straight up walking into his room and sitting down

he finds the static noise that follows Anti really comforting

and Robbie didn’t seem like a threat so Anti let him stay

Robbie always leaves to go back to his room before Anti wakes up

it stops the other egos from jumping to conclusions

Chase is hardly home

but when he is he’s usually a tad drunk after a night out drinking with Paultin, Pluck and occasionally Warfstache

when Paultin and Pluck got taken his mental health took a nose dive

he began to stay out longer

he got drunker

and it got out of hand and he became increasingly depressed

his brothers love him but it gets extremely tense whenever he comes home drunk

he usually starts a fight with Anti on purpose

the nights he comes home sober are the best in the eyes of the other egos

they’re fun and Anti stays away

and it takes Chase’s mind off Paultin, Pluck, Stacy and his kids

one time Chase and Anti both came home drunk

JB ended up fighting both of them to get them to stop while Marvin got the others out of there

they went to Patton and the other sides for safety

the fight lasted all night

the end result was an injured, unconscious Chase with an empty gun, a passed out Anti (sleep deprivation) and a seriously injured JB

Anti avoided them for weeks after

Chase stayed with them while he recovered

Dr. Shneeplestein was the one who saved JB and Chase Brody from dying of their wounds

when he’s not with his siblings, he’s with Dr. Iplier and Logan in the infirmary

the three of them get along incredibly well

but as much as he likes work, he also likes his family

he gets incredibly nervous around Anti

when it was just him and Anti, Anti took great pleasure in messing with the Doctor before he met his current friends

by “messing with” I mean bringing him to the brink of death but stopping at the last second

so Schneep is real wary of Anti

Iplier Egos

They’re more organised than other groups

King, Silver, Ed + Bim spend all their time with Patton in the safehouse that he built

When Dark isn’t home, he’s out on the streets tearing it up with Anti, Infelix, Darkiishu, Peevils + Madzia

he lives for thrill

it’s why he fights Anti

they both love it

the Googles run the place

the place being a several storey building 

the second floor is the Google’s lab

sometimes they work with Madpat

Blue thinks he’s too unpredictable, Ollie think’s he’s scary, Green considers him a risk

Red gets along with him just fine

most of the time though the googles work alone

they’ve banned Anti from the building

Wilford is avoided by everyone

he’s unstable, volatile and unpredictable

Anti has tried to goad him into a fight but Dark stopped him

when Wilford’s bored he spends time with Chase

it surprises everyone

but it’s Wilford Warfstache, he always surprises

The Host used to stay on his library floor with the Author

he stopped coming out of the library after the Author was taken

Oliver tried to get him to come out but he gave up eventually

Lesser Known Egos

Madpat

he’s a crazed scientist

he hangs with Natemare a lot

The pair cause trouble but don’t really get into fights

he also enjoy dragging Google Red into his projects

Blank

Blank doesn’t have friends

he walks the streets aimlessly

just shivering

he’s cold to the touch

don’t test that fact

touch him and you slowly freeze from the outside in

Apocalypse

he’s a brute

he’s big, strong and scary

he’s also the subject of many fights

him and JB always end up in a fight

they don’t get along

he starts most of the fights on the streets

The rest of the population are egos that we don’t even know exist yet.

[rynne311]

Blood Strangers

Request: Can u do a Damian x Batsis xJason where the reader is Damian’s twin but she’s closer to Jason and he finds out she has a boyfriend (Bart maybe) and he tells the batfam but When everyone else reacts shocked except Jason he ask why and Jason already knew. Damian gets mad and confronts her and she says how Bc when they came they drifted and Jay was more of a brother and he vows to be better they get all emotional and after a bit of tears they fell asleep with the dog

Requested by: Anon

Word Count: 1,026

Requests are Open HERE.

You were supposed to tell him, but you had been waiting until the time was right.  You had been trained as an assassin, but yet your family seemed to see you as a child, not ready to let you grow up.  Damian was the worst, having been through everything with you from birth, you both felt a duty to protect the other.  In Damian’s case that meant the whole two minutes older than you he may be might as well be two years.

You had been steadily cutting down on patrol over the last year, and Damian was checking to see if you were going tonight when he came into your room unannounced.  You were both clearly flustered, your Skype movie date being interrupted and Damian’s illusions about you faltering.

“You’re blowing off patrol for some fling with a speedster?” he exclaimed in anger as the realization hit him. “You’re ridiculous!”

You didn’t have a chance to explain or defend yourself before he stormed out of your bedroom.  He was intent on bringing the rest of the family to his aid in what could be the biggest fight you two had ever had.

“Y/N is romantically involved with that time travelling speedster!” Damian exclaimed as he roared into the cave.

The sudden announcement brought a wave of shocked silence through the batcave.  Sparring weapons dropped suddenly and everybody looked as though they’d just seen a ghost. ��Surveying the room, Tim quickly noticed Jason was the only one present who hadn’t reacted in the slightest.

“You know something, Jason?” he asked, the initial shock beginning to wear off.

“Yeah, they’ve been together a little shy of a year,” Jason explained. “He’s sweet to her and knows that if he hurts her in the slightest, he’s not going to see the other side of his next birthday.”

“How’d you even find out?”

“She told me…” he began to trail off. “She comes over to my apartment all the time. Why do you think I have a two bedroom?”  

“She knows that if she wants to have that little speedster over, they can hang out there, but only if I’m there too and he can’t spend the night,” Jason continued. “There are ground rules, but there’s also a respect between the two of us.  She knows there’s someone there to listen to her, watch out for her and help her when she needs it.  Unlike the rest of you, I’m letting her grow and learn about what she wants in life, just with a little bit of brotherly supervision.”

“I’m her true brother, we shared the womb.  I should be the one involved, not you,” Damian argued.

“And what do you even know about her life?” Jason goaded him. “Y/N could tell me just about anything about every person standing in this room, but you go days at a time without even trying to talk to her.  She only goes on the occasional patrol now to get to see and talk to you.  She is practically a stranger to you, whether you share blood or not.  Before you get mad at either one of us, stop and think about that.”

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Damian knew everything Jason had said was right.  He may be your blood brother, but Jason had really been your true brother.  If he had any hope of holding that title again, he needed to make things right.  He shouldn’t have been so hasty to anger and judgement in finding out about your life outside of crime fighting.

Titus always had an uncanny ability to find you whenever you needed him most, curling himself around you as tried to process Damian’s reaction.  You hit the spectrum of emotions; happy and relieved that you didn’t have to hide anymore, scared of the repercussions, and furious at the lack of respect as a person your brother had given you.  When Damian opened your door, you weren’t sure if you could hold the freeze out, letting him come to you.

“I’ve figured out who I want to be here, Damian,” you confessed as he sat down next to you.  You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. “And it doesn’t involve a mask.  I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m just not like you.”

You had always been so scared of disappointing him, and confessing that you wanted to abandon your training was the hardest thing you’d ever done.  You didn’t want him to hate or reject you for choosing a new path for your own life.

“No, you’re better than me,” he comforted. “You took control of your own life and made your own decisions, all without turning your back on anyone you love.”

You couldn’t keep it in anymore, letting the tears fall freely.  You had been so afraid that you were turning your back on him by leaving the active crime fighting life behind that Damian’s thoughtful words broke the dam, allowing the tears and relief to wash over you.

Titus perked his head up a bit at the sound of you crying.  It never mattered if the tears were happy or sad, he wanted to try and make the crying stop.  He rested his head in your lap, reminding you that he was there with you.

“I’m the one who turned my back on you, Y/N,” Damian continued. “I never meant to, but at some point I got so used to assuming you’d be right there with me that I forgot to make sure you were.  I want you to be happy and I want to get to know who you are without the mask.  No more strangers.”

Resting your head on his shoulder, you realized just how much higher it was from the last time you sat together like this.  Quietly you said, “Thank you, Damian.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

Jason stopped up to your room before he left for the night to check on you.  He may butt heads with Damian, but he was happy to find you both asleep peacefully after saying everything that needed to be said.

[avocadolouie]

Hii Uhm I’m going through some shit rn about an abusive (not physically) ex and I’m really down could I ask you to write a Drabble of Lou and H comforting their queer son over a boy? With H as pop/papa and Lou as Dad. It would make me love you to the moon and back twice. Bc I already love you to the moon and back❤️ doesn’t have to be too long :)

alright my friend here we go! featuring your other requests of a sweet boy named Holden around 19 years old coming home from uni heartbroken and being comforted by his wonderful loving parents Harry and Louis. i hope you enjoy it, lovely! ❤️ :’)

“How is he?” Harry whispers from the upstairs hallway, keeping his voice low as he leans into his husband.

Louis sighs, shaking his head as he glances across the hall at their son’s closed bedroom door. “He doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ve knocked twice already and I don’t want to crowd him or anything but…I’m really worried about him, H.”

Their nineteen year old son, who last they heard was having a brilliant time at uni, had shown up at their door step completely unannounced in the middle of the night. And at first, Harry and Louis were thrilled that their son came home to them, but when they noticed the heavy bags pulling at Holden’s usually bright blue eyes, now red rimmed and horribly puffy, they immediately grew with concern.

Holden said all around five words to them before bolting upstairs to his room, locking the door behind him. It’s completely out of character for him, he’s usually so open and forthcoming with his parents. Harry and Louis have never had a hands-off approach to parenting, and they pride themselves on having real, honest relationships with all of their kids.

And out of all three of their children, Holden has always been the most transparent about how he’s feeling. He’s the sweetest kid, a bit goofy at times, possessing the same silly streak as his father, but still so gentle and kindhearted. As their oldest and only son, Holden is incredibly responsible and fiercely protective over his younger sisters, always an active and lively presence in the house when he’s at home and to see him so drawn from his usual self is starting to take a heavy toll on his parents.

“I know babe, I’m worried too.” Harry pulls his bottom lip through his teeth anxiously. “He’s been locked in there for hours—is it wrong that I want to kick the door down just to see if he’s alright?”

“If you don’t do it, I’m about to.” Louis decides, sounding perfectly serious. “It’s his fucking dick of a boyfriend, I know it.”

“Louis.” Harry turns to him.

“What, Harry?” Louis protests. “You hate him too. He’s a total ass and we never liked him.”

“But to be fair, we’ve never actually met him either.”

No, they haven’t met the kid, but from the way Holden described him in passing one time, Louis already knew he was trouble. Holden hadn’t said much about him, illusive in the way he spoke, evasive when it came to details, which was already a clear indication of the quality of the relationship. Every parent wants the very best for their child, that’s a given, but from the moment Holden briefly mentioned him, Louis knew his son deserved better.

“It doesn’t matter.” Louis grumbles, frowning as he continues to stare at the closed door, biting his lip with worry.

“Lou, we don’t know for sure…” Harry tries, wrapping Louis up in his arms. “Maybe he’s just overwhelmed about school or something?”

“Harry…” Louis glances up at him, eyes serious.

Harry sighs heavily then, mirroring the trepidation in Louis’ eyes, already knowing his husband is right.

“Of course I don’t want it to be true, I don’t want to be right. Who wants to hear about how some punk ass kid broke their child’s heart?” Louis’ expression is saddened as he speaks, voice quiet. “And you know he was so gone for that boy…it’s his first real boyfriend—I just don’t want to see him hurting…”

“I know, baby.” Harry nods just as sadly, pulling Louis in closer to his chest. “At least he came home to us.” He tries to look for the positive. “He could have gone anywhere and if he came home, he must feel the safest here.”

“Do something, Harry please…” Louis begs, holding Harry’s hand with both of his. “We can’t leave our baby alone in there, he needs us. Even if he doesn’t know it.”

Harry leans in to press a long, reassuring kiss to Louis’ forehead, trying to ease his worries as best he can. He tugs at Louis’ hand, crossing the short spans of hallway to their son’s room together.

“Holden?” Harry calls gently, knuckles hitting the wood of the door. He keeps his voice even, but impossibly warm and so filled with love. “Hey little H, can we maybe talk for a second?”

“I don’t really want to talk right now, Papa…” A quiet, timid voice comes through the door. It sounds nothing like Holden’s usual bubbling voice and Louis absolutely hates it. And then there’s a sniffle, teary and heavy and awful and Louis swears to god, he’s only half a second from busting the goddamn door down.

Harry squeezes Louis’ hand tighter and Louis knows he shares a similar sentiment, features pulled by creased, worried lines. “Ok…we don’t have to talk just yet…” He answers softly. “We only want to know if you’re ok.”

“We’re just worried about you, Holden…please…” Louis tries, crowded against Harry by the door. “Are you ok, love?”

There’s a long pause that stretches on far longer than either Louis or Harry can reasonably handle, but it’s the small, distant and horribly broken-hearted, “No…” that comes from the other side that really does them in.

Louis and Harry exchange the same exact look, a look of total concern and distress over their child.

“Oh sweetheart, please let us in.” Harry begs, doing a horrible job of keeping the raw desperation out of his tone, but Louis can’t rightly blame him. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, I promise…just let us in…”

Another quiet moment stretches on, Harry and Louis practically becoming nearly one with the bedroom door, pressed closely against it as they wait for any signs of life or movement.

And when Holden finally does open the door, Louis wastes not a single moment barreling into the room, pulling his son in for the tightest, warmest hug he can manage.

“Ugh Dad, you’re so embarrassing, god…” Holden tries to protest, as any teenage boy would, but he isn’t actually fighting the comfort in any way, instead burying his head further against Louis’ chest and squeezing him tightly.

“I know, I’m so embarrassing.” Louis nods knowingly, pressing a kiss to his boy’s mess of curls. “I’ll always be embarrassing over you, no matter how old you get.”

Harry huddles in close to rub soothing patterns to Holden’s back and when the tears inevitably start to fall down his cheeks, Harry’s right there to softly brush them away.

They hold their eldest child, who seems to have been far from home for far too long, they hold him until the saltwater tracking his face begins to slow, until he feels totally safe again.

“I’ve missed you guys.” Holden admits through a whisper.

“I know, H…we’ve missed you too.” Harry tells him. “The house is never the same when you’re gone.”

“It’s way too quiet and there’s no one here to help me anymore when I can’t get my computer to work.” Louis admits as lightheartedly as he can manage.

It’s small, but Holden cracks a little smile at that, further burying his head against Louis.

“Ready to tell us what happened, love?” Louis asks, pulling back just enough to see his face.

“Not really but…” He swipes at his teary eyes and slowly nods his head. “Ok.”

They settle onto Holden’s bed, Harry and Louis flanking him on either side with their arms draped around their son’s shoulders like a cocoon. It could potentially be argued that as parents, he and Harry are far too affectionate, but they wouldn’t dare change a thing.

“You want the whole story?” Holden peeks up at them.

“If you can talk about it, we only want to help you.” Harry says.

“Ok…but…you can’t get mad.” Holden pleads, looking up with wide eyes still lined in red. “It’s hard enough as it is.”

They both nod their heads, vowing to remain as neutral as possible. Even though it’s nearly impossible with the tempers he and Harry have, brought on by any sign of harm to their children.

“I um…well—remember when I told you about James…” Holden starts off slowly, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

Louis tenses automatically and he can feel his husband do the same, both of them already weary of how this story is going to go because both of them already have their opinions of James. It’s the same opinion really, the only opinion, that he’s a fucking prick. But still Louis reminds himself to just let his son talk, not to jump to conclusions and most of all not to lose control of his emotions.

“I never really told you but…we met at a party…my first uni party and I wasn’t even going to go, but I dunno? I feel like I never really do the ‘cool’ thing so I went.” Holden explains nervously, pushing a hand through his flopping curls. “So um yeah, he was there and—he’s popular, like, so popular. Everyone knows him, he’s like the unofficial king of the school or something. I didn’t think he would notice me…I mean he can have whoever he wants but…I dunno…when he saw me, he didn’t look away. He watched me the whole night long and eventually he came over and we started talking—just casually, you know? And I don’t quite remember everything…I drank a lot…because he said I should and I can never hold my alcohol properly, but I really wanted to impress him, so I did it anyway.”

What a fucking predator, Louis thinks to himself, hardly able to control his growing anger and when he glances over at Harry, his furrowed expression indicates he feels the same. Harry glances at Louis, wordlessly expressing his frustration.

Not to be those dads, who are always boasting about their kids, but their son is gorgeous, growing taller everyday with a heap of light brown golden curls on his head and freckles dusting his cheekbones and a wonderfully lopsided smile. But at the same time, he’s so very innocent and genuine in his interactions with people, completely trusting of just about everyone and he’s the type of boy that gives pieces of himself away blindly, wearing his big heart on his sleeve. Holden’s not used to the attention the looks he’s just now starting to grow into will garner, but it’s not at all surprising that the jock of the school noticed him right away.

“After that we started to hang out a lot and he’d invite me to go places with him—places not just anyone can go to and I dunno…I felt special or something.” Holden sighs to himself as though embarrassed about it now. “He was so nice at first…so nice and lovely and sweet, and he said he wanted me to be his and only his and I was really happy because I wanted that too.” His voice starts to get shakier and uncertain as he continues, stuttering every so often. “But t-then he started to get more demanding w-when I didn’t want to do things with him…and he never treated me the same when we were out with his friends. He treated me like…like I wasn’t good e-enough for him and…and…he was always mad at me for s-something—yelling and saying e-everything was my fault even when it wasn’t…and he’d call me things—really h-horrible things…he’d say I was worthless or—”

“He WHAT.” Harry blurts angrily, no longer able to hold back his reactions anymore, clearly recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship.

Holden looks to him and shakes his head, on the verge of tears. “Please don’t, Papa.”

“He didn’t ever hit you, did he?” Harry grits, looking his son in the eye. “Because if he did, I swear to god, I’m going to jail.”

“We both are.” Louis fumes irately. “We’ll make orphans out of you and your siblings right now if that boy even so much as thought about laying a finger on you.”

Holden shakes his head again, but he looks closer and closer to breaking down into tears again and Louis just can’t take it. “N-No, he d-didn’t, I swear…”

Harry’s body language hasn’t relaxed in the slightest and neither has Louis’ for that matter. The very last thing they wanted to hear was that their son had endured such a negative relationship, that he fell victim to the cruel manipulations of an older college boy.  

“I know it probably s-sounds ridiculous and naïve…but I…I thought he really l-loved me…” Holden’s lip quivers and his voice wavers and cracks in the worst of ways and he’s breaking down again before anything can be done about it. “And now I f-feel so s-stupid…”

“Oh honey.” Harry pulls him in right away, attempting to shield him away from the pain and hurt he feels. Holden goes easily, curling into his father’s side as he cries. “I’m so sorry, H.”

Louis’ heart aches for his eldest baby, shattered and devastated held together by his father’s arms. It’s only natural that they wants to shield their child from things like this, but unfortunately the older Holden gets, the less either Louis or Harry can do to spare him potential heartbreak.

“And I wish I d-didn’t care about h-him, you know?” Holden cries, eyes squeezed shut against the material of Harry’s jumper. “I w-wish I never f-fell for him at all—I wish I realized s-sooner that he was trouble b-because now it h-hurts more than anything… and, and I d-don’t want to f-feel this way anymore…”

“I know love, I know.” Louis comforts softly, palm held flat to Holden’s back as he rubs it in slow, drawn out circles. “But you know that nothing that he ever said to you was true, right? You’re worth everything, Holden. Everything and more.”

“And anyone who refuses to see that isn’t at all worthy of knowing you.” Harry continues, arms encircled around Holden’s frame.

“But it’s still ok to feel sad right now, it’s ok to acknowledge that you’re hurting. No matter how it happened or what could have gone differently, he broke your heart and as much as you want them to, those feelings don’t always disappear right away.” Louis tells him, still curled close. “I know it hurts now, love, I know and I wish we could make it better for you, make it all go away somehow. But the best thing you can do is learn from this for the next time.”

“There’s never going to be a next time.” Holden decides adamantly, lifting his head just to look Louis in the eyes. “I’m done with love and I’m done with boys forever.”

“You’re as dramatic as your dad.” Harry faintly smiles, tracing the side of Holden’s cheek.

“I’m not being dramatic, it’s the truth!” Holden defends, sitting up a bit more as he swipes his sleeve over his ruddy face. “I can’t risk feeling this again…it fucking sucks—sorry, I didn’t mean to curse.”

“It’s a very appropriate time to curse, I’d say.” Louis offers him a knowing smile. “It does fucking suck and you don’t fucking deserve to feel so fucking awful and fuck James and fuck his popular fucking jock lifestyle and fuck his shitty fucking friends too.”

Holden smiles, breaking into a watery laugh as he looks up appreciatively at Louis.

“But in all seriousness, there’s so much better for you, Holden. I know it’s really hard to believe that right now, because of how heartbroken you feel but it’s the truth.” Harry promises him. “I wouldn’t lie to you, would I?”

“Yes, you would.” Holden teases a bit. “You would if you thought it would make me feel better.”

“Ok, maybe that’s true…” Harry admits with a grin, ruffling his hair. “But I swear I’m not lying, there really is better for you, little H.”

“It’s true.” Louis agrees fully. “You’re so young, Holden and I’m sorry that this happened to you, we both are. But in time you’ll find another one, a better one.”

“And when you find the right one, you’ll wonder why you ever doubted it.” Harry promises in certainty. “They’ll treat you right and they’ll respect you as much as they love you.”

“But how will I know they’re the right one?” Holden questions uncertainly.

“Because you won’t need to even question it.” Louis tells him, speaking from experience. When it’s right, it’s so right and it’s not a feeling that can be countered or questioned, it takes you completely by storm and it’s undeniable in every possibly way.

“Exactly.” Harry smiles softly, eyes warm as he looks over at Louis. “But in the meantime know that we love you, we will always, alwayslove you and you can always come to us with things like this—with anything.”

“I promise we’ll always be just as embarrassing.” Louis grins and Holden cracks the biggest smile he has in the past hour, his hands laced with each of his father’s.

“Our golden Holden boy.”

[aldez250]

Here it is, cold Dark who needs warmth and the Jims flocking him. I typed this in my notes but copy+paste looked weird so I put it in Drive, copy+pasted from there, fixed the format, and reread it :’^ I hope it’s good and I didn’t disappoint, and there aren’t too many typos and mistakes :’^)

@pleaseletthisjimbetaken @that-purple-snazzy-dragon @pantasticpanini @justmypuppets @sniffingoutmywilltolive @marion-fnaf-fan @his-glitched-puppet @alaughingfreak @bitten1ce @youtube-banshee @jiiiimmmm-with-dyed-hair @punknerdmusings @sabes-d @wholeoftwoparts @hamiltrash1411 and I’m tagging @apples-n-machetes bc I know you like my writing 👍

Dark sat at his desk, elbows resting atop scattered papers and forefingers gently rubbing at his temples. He didn’t have a headache, he wasn’t alive enough for a headache. It was more or less him being unsure. Unsure of the warmth of others. Unsure of what it means. Unsure if he’s... feeling.

It’s so strange...

Everything is strange.

Or is he just the strange one?

He lets out a quiet huff and glances up as his door is opened. He had left it cracked- his indication that today is not one of his worse days.

In popped Bim. “Hey, uh- Dark?”

“Trimmer.” Dark didn’t bother to move his hands. He couldn’t care less for this conversation, so he definitely was not going to appear engaged.

“So uh- the Jims accidentally dropped a light in the studio. Do you know when we can afford to replace it? Soon, hopefully?” His tense shoulders and nervous smile didn’t speak fear of Dark. Bim was probably more afraid of the lack of camera time than the man in front of him. That’s fine though. Dark didn’t need Trimmer afraid of him all the time. After all, it made them, the other egos, come to him for their problems. It made him needed.

“I’d have to check, I don’t have those papers out right now. Go clean up, and I will probably have one of the Googles tell you later.”

He received only a nod before Bim headed off again, leaving the door open just a hair- just as Dark had had it.

Cold, stiff, gray, dead, inhuman hands dropped onto his desk and the monochrome man looked down at them with tired, strained, empty, dead, inhuman eyes.

He is unsure of how long he just sat there, staring at his hands, taking in every single detail, his mind everywhere and yet nowhere all at once. When he finally got up to grab other papers, his door was being opened again.

Turning towards the door, he was met with a splatter of color and the scent of sugar.

"Hey Dark~!" Wilford chimed as he let himself in, knocking the door wide open, sauntering in. He had no weight in his shoulders at this moment. For that, at this moment, Dark resented him.

"Hello, Warfstache." He quickly busied himself with organizing the papers on his desk. He should put them away anyways.

It was stopped when Wilford plopped down on top of said papers and Dark has just enough time to reel his hands back before they were sat on. "Look, bud. I know about what the Jims did, and I really need those lights asap."

"'Lights'?" Dark repeated. He thought there was only one-

"Yeah, didn't they send in their list? We wanted more lights. Some we could take outside or something, for a change of scenery. Keep the audience entertained-"

Ah, Dark remembers glancing over something along those lines. He couldn't have cared less at the time. "Right. Well-"

"Thanks Dark! I knew I could count on you!" Wilford gave Dark a quick, harsh slap on the shoulder before running out the room; door wide open.

Dark stood there for a moment, his mind a cluster of thoughts; and his shoulder and arm filling with goosebumps.

Not the type of goosebumps where you're scared, or cold. No, if you've ever put something really warm against your very cold body and gotten that strange shiver and string of goosebumps; then you know what Dark has felt- what he always feels when someone touches him. It may be through his clothes, but he's just so cold…

Shaking his head, Dark looked through his papers and set the request from the Jims onto his desk before filing the rest away and grabbing copies of their income and spending's as a "household".

Dark sat at his desk, forearms gently resting against his desk and numb fingers holding up papers.

A rub of his eyes and a stifled yawn did not go unnoticed as Google passed by Dark's door. However, instead of commenting on it, the android reached in and closed Dark's door a bit. It went unnoticed by the other, though.

An hour later and Dark had a list of things to prioritize their money on. They needed food in the pantry, hygiene products in the bathrooms, parts for the Google's to repair Google Green's somehow broken arm, and a new spotlight for the studio.

The Jims and Wilford will have to wait on the extra lights. They can't afford them this week; and as much of a help stealing could be, Dark much preferred the exchange of paper currency for useful objects. Dark much preferred the normal, living, way of doing things.

Even if Dark was no more than a cold, broken, unfeeling, walking corpse; it was still nice to pretend every once in a while.

After tucking a folded piece of paper into his suit; he walked out of his office, shutting his door behind him so the others knew not to open it or go in.

The studio was in the back. You actually had to go outside to get in. Though the two buildings were connected with the same wall, there were no doors connecting the two areas. This is also on Dark's list of things he needs to remedy. As soon as they have the money, of course.

The sun was bright, and the cold man took a moment to squint at it. It was a particularly humid day, so he saw no more need to dawdle and headed inside.

He was greeted with Bim sweeping behind a set of half-opened curtains, two Jims trying to remove the broken light, and Wilford nowhere in sight.

Wilford was always gone when Dark was around.

Of course he was.

Dark wouldn't be around himself, either. Not with Wilford's warmth. Dark stole it, and left Wilford cold. Their contacts were brief and few, and Wilford was not afraid to remind Dark of how cold and dead he was.

Upon being noticed, one of the jubilant twins bounded over and smiled brightly. Dark was out of his room, of course they wouldn't be afraid. Dark knew better than to… "act up" when out of his sanctuary.

"Dark! Hello!" The other Jim was still struggling behind his brother, ever persistent on moving the light. "Is there something you need?"

Slightly tilting his head back to stare the other down his nose, Dark made sure he held the air of importance and professionalism. He cannot let himself slip. They'll fall apart if they do. He is their structure. Their outline. Their columns. Their supports. They need him. "Not particularly. I have come to confront you about the broken light." He took a moment to glance at the still-struggling Jim as if to emphasize.

"Oh!" The Jim quickly shrunk down a tad, guilt written over his face. "I'm real sorry about that. Uhm, will we be getting one soon to replace it…?"

He liked that. Dark liked how he asked "will we" and not "when will". He could taste the control he had over the situation. "Yes."

The Jim immediately brightened and almost jumped in the air in excitement. "Oh, gosh, thank you!"

Dark waited for him to calm down.

When Jim knew Dark wasn't done yet, he returned his attention to the contrasting man. "And..?"

Dark grabbed the paper from his jacket and held it out to the other. "I need you, your twin, and Bim, to run to the store and buy some materials. You three known where to save money best. The more money you save, the sooner you can get the extra lights. I will have Google order the replacement spotlight when I can."

Jim let off a string of squeals and other happy noises before taking the paper from Dark's hands.

Their fingers barely touched, and Dark's hand flooded with a warmth the Jim seemed to radiate. He suppressed the urgent need to grasp hold of the other's hand. Somehow managing to keep his shiver contained, Dark felt his throat get tight. The warmth was outstanding. He needs it. He needs it. HE NEEDS IT.

The look on Jim's face brought Dark back down from his inner turmoil. Dark was unsure of what emotion the other's face held, but it was enough for Dark to briskly turn and leave. Of course, it was a mistake. The Jim was afraid, wasn't he? Didn't want to touch Dark again, like everyone else.

Always.

Dark spent the rest of the afternoon before dinner in his office, door closed.

When he was called for dinner, he handed a sheet of paper to Google Blue. It had information for buying a new spotlight, and to keep an eye on the money-pool.  It also had instructions to buy more lights when they had enough money.

Dark was the last one in the dining room. Dinners were almost always quiet and quick, everyone wanting to get away from the others as quickly as possible.

To get away from him.

Dark couldn't taste food as well as others. He despised eating. His body despised it.

But he knows it's for the best. Pretending to be human.

It wasn't an illusion for the others, though. It was a trick for himself.

Shoving his half-eaten plate further onto the table, Dark stood up and took a last sip from his cup.

His water had been warm. Without explanation, he demanded boiled water at dinner. By the time his third sip came around, the water was always room temperature at most. Now it was freezing.

Taking up his napkin, Dark dabbed at the water lingering on his lips before dropping it onto his plate.

There was silence as Dark debated throwing the trash away and cleaning his dishes.

Someone else will do it if he leaves it.

So he left it.

As he headed out of the dining room, he was met face-to-face with Wilford.

The pink-haired man seemed very displeased by this. He simply moved around the other and headed off as quickly as his walking speeds would allow.

Dark didn't mind. He'd get away from himself as quickly as possible, too.

After all, Wilford was only nice when he wanted something.

Dark's shower was cold. He had the water turned all the way to hot as it could possibly go, but it was room temperature at best by the time it touched his skin and his remaining nerve endings had sent the information to his brain.

His clothes were sticking to him. Dark, still slightly damp, laid down in his bed. His double blanket situation aided his loose t-shirt and baggy slacks to keep him warm. He soon found himself wrapped up in his blankets like a roll and curled up into himself. Even if was only at night, he wanted to feel… something.

But, as always, he fell asleep pretending he could be human. He fell asleep cold, numb, dead, and inhuman.

He was awoken in the middle of the night by the sounds of "shush"ing and quiet whispers of "Jim..!"

Just as Dark was about to get up and demand he be told who was there, he was enveloped in warmth as someone, probably a Jim, laid on top of him.

He heard a sigh of contentment before someone else, very possibly the other Jim, laid next to him.

Dark couldn't process what was happening, but from the heat and feeling he decided he didn't really care.

He uncurled himself as best as he could with the other two there.

The Jims seemed to freeze and Dark could smell their fear.

Or was that his own?

Without a word, he pulled his blankets from him and held them open. Both of the Jims wasted no time in climbing under the blankets with him.

When Dark woke up, he woke up warm, tingly, feeling, and confused as to why there were two Jims in his bed.

The memory of the night before came crashing back, and he curled up a bit. The other two were still sleeping; and though Dark always got up when his eyes opened in the mornings, he decided a few hours or so longer with these two couldn’t hurt.

It eventually became ritual. The Jims would sneak into his room every night to not arouse suspicion from the other egos, but they were always welcome to sleep with Dark. On the hotter nights, more Jims would join them; as if they all just decided Dark was their personal ice cube.

He didn't mind in the slightest.

Throughout the days, nothing changed. Dark still more-or-less ignored them; but sometimes, at night, Dark would find himself holding conversation with the Jims.

He doesn't know anymore.He doesn't know if he's being brought back to life- if the Jims are resurrecting him and working to make a heart beat again.

Or if he's just so convincing, the heat is enough to fool himself.

Either way, he isn't entirely sure he cares.

He fully believes himself either way he thinks of the situation.

Of course no one else picks up on his thoughts.

After all, Dark knows how to pretend.

Whether it's now pretending to be alive again or pretending to still be dead, he finds himself unaffected and enjoying being swallowed by the surrounding heat.

[crowned-ladybug]

hmu with all the jackieboy man hc you got! im working on an art project and i need some ideas to go off of ^-^

Oooh, gladly!!

(Under the cut bc there’s a Lot and it’s probably not even all of them)

He’s tall as heck (second tallest ego after Dark, tallest of the Septics) and kinda lanky, suprisingly badly coordinated when not doing his hero-y things

He has a lot of scars from past fights and accidents. Also some birthmarks, and stretchmarks on his tighs, hips, chest and back.

He’s less “super muscular comic book beef-man” and more agile and wiry and yknow. built like an actual person

Never cared much for the green hair and let it go without any fuss (egos can choose whether to keep their hair colour or let it change when their human counterpart changes it too). He should really get it cut now tho bc it’s getting Long and Bothersome

His eyes squint a lot when he smiles and it’s v cute

When not in his hero gear, he just looks like a Big Nerd. He wears flannels (or giant hoodies) and glasses (the rim of which is the same blue as his mask) and is a p shy and v friendly guy. He also loves comics and his favourite hero is Spiderman

His mask is enchanted to substitute for his glasses

He doesn’t actually have any superpowers and the only superhuman thing about him is that he’s an ego and thus he’s more resistant to damage and way harder to kill than a regular person. He gets around via parkour and a grappling hook and fights using a “homemade blend of martial arts” (- Krista). He doesn’t like weapons (tho he has a knife for emergencies bc Marvin and Anti begged him to carry one), so the most he’ll do in that regard is use a pole/staff or utilise the advantages the environment gives him.

Stubborn as fuck sometimes and would probably bleed to death before asking for help bc he didn’t want to be a bother (Marvin keeps trying to get him not to do that. They’re working on it)

He’s trans and yet to have any sort of surgery bc he hates the thought of being out of comission during the healing proccess. Instead of T and birth control, he takes potions made by Marvin bc they’re cheaper, easier to get and more convenient. Their only downside is that they don’t stop his periods completely bc Marvin is too scared to magically mess with the functions of a whole set of organs too much for fear that he’d cause a lot of damage.

He’s gay (as in, proper full rainbow not just “not straight”)

He knows how to sew and to properly operate a sewing machine, bc he just found it an interesting and useful skill to learn. It came in handy when he made his suit mostly by himself (well, his current one. The first version was just cheap spandex) (Marvin did the magical aspect of things and most of the concept art)

Since he can’t wear his binder while out and about doing his hero things (bc one should never wear a binder while exercising!) his suit is enchanted with minor illusion magic to make him look flat-chested anyway. It also helps him blend into the shadows better despite his bright colour scheme.

He’s dating Marvin btw I just realised that I should probably mention that just in case. They live together in a Big treehouse (yknow the ones that are just. actual houses in trees) and both have their own room but still share a bed a lot

He likes to curl up to make himself comfortable or when cuddling and thus he can look deceivingly small

He’s a v insistent cuddler, even more so when he’s asleep. Even if he falls asleep not clinging to the person nearest to him (including anyone who’s next to him on the couch during a movie night, not just Marvin when they’re sharing a bed) he’ll grapple for them and gravitate towards them in his sleep and just not let go of them if he can help it

His favourite place to sleep is on Marvin tho and it’s highly beneficial to both of them bc Jackie gets his much needed dose of physical contact and comfort (and gets to listen to Marvin’s heartbeat as he sleeps, which is apparently p good against nightmares) and Marvin also enjoys the closeness as well as some good good pressure stims (and a lot of kisses)

Loves flowers! There’s a lot of plants in the house (and under it on the ground), and he knows the meanings of most flowers as well

Besides Marvin, he’s probably closest to Schneep but tbh he gets along well with anyone. He strikes up short-term alliances with Anti and/or Chase every once in a while to mess with Marvin (sidenote: Anti, Chase and Marvin are the Inseparable Disaster Trio)

Likes video games tho doesn’t play nearly as much as Chase or Marvin (or Seán ofc) do. He mainly likes story-heavy games or soft, light-hearted ones like Slime Rancher, but will play other games too for the sake of playing with his friends

His biggest fear is not being able to protect his loved ones from danger (let it be him being captured and used as leverage against them or them getting hurt directly). Another v big one is the idea that “you either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain” bc he obvi doesn’t wanna die young but he’d also never want to be the villain. In the end, if he had to choose he’d probably choose to die young

He has anxiety and PTSD due to the general traumatic events of being a hero, but he’s v intent on getting better so he takes his meds and tries to seek out help whenever he needs it

He’s v open about his thoughts and emotions and isn’t afraid to cry (and cry he does esp over movies. Also over TAZ when he listened to it with Marvin)

Has a big soft spot both for animals and children. He instantly got on well with Varjú (Marvin’s pet crow/familiar) when he entered the scene, and he adores Chase’s kids (who in turn adore their Uncle Jackie who’s an Actual Hero and always up for playing cool games with them or telling them stories)

He speaks French on an intermediate level, tho he’s p rusty. He could still manage if he needed to, probably

I swear he gets his life energy from positive reinforcement or something

Hates being the centre of attention for long (or amongst a lot of ppl) tho or being thanked too much for something he sees as a simple deed. He gets awkward and nervous really quick and will find the quickest way out possible

His bed is a big comfy double bed btw with like three blankets and okay only two pillows but at least ten stuffed animals (who are moved to a chair and the floor when Marvin also sleeps there, bc if not then they will end up being pushed off on accident)

He likes cooking and baking and bakes when he’s anxious

He’s also p good at drawing but unlike Marvin he doesn’t really pursue that hobby aside from a stray doodle every once in a while

Neither him nor Marvin can dance for shit but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it

The later it is the more cheesy and sappy and Gay he gets and he rambles a Lot. His pick-up lines/flirting/compliments to Marvin reach the level of coherence as those made by neural networks (if you don’t know what I’m talking about I highly suggest you look up those posts bc they’re Hilarious) but Marvin finds it v endearing

As a proper Tall Person, he sometimes teases others for being shorter than him and exploits his tallness (which includes him literally just picking Schneep up, who’s the shortest Septic ego, and just putting him aside when he’s worrying about something too much)

Absolutely the Mum Friend sometimes