#bc i've lived in the same house for 19 years

[blueindigo17]

hi writeblr!! it's nice to meet you!!

I’ve had this blog for years but never posted anything bc to be honest I was a little afraid of tumblr when I first joined, but recently I decided that since I like talking about my wips so much to my friends/family irl, why not blog about them? I also want to find some writing mutuals, since I like hearing about people’s stories just as much as I like telling them about mine. Feel free to interact, follow, message, etc. I love making friends :D

About me <3

I go by Blue or BlueIndigo online, so feel free to use either of those :)

My pronouns are she/her

I’m 19, which also happens to be my favorite number :)

I have five (sort of six?) wips and over a hundred characters. I may have a problem.

I am a BIG swiftie (favorite albums are 1989 TV and TTPD), and I listen to a lot of Sabrina Carpenter, Conan Gray, Olivia Rodrigo, 5SOS, The Scarlet Opera, Chappell Roan, and Gracie Abrams.

I love reading!! My favorite books are Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid (my fav author) and She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen.

I've played ukulele for a few years, and I recently started learning guitar. there's a greater than zero chance I might post any music things in the future. ig we'll see.

I have a thing where my wip titles have to make good acronyms or I don’t use them. idk why either.

I can and will talk your ear off if you let me lol. #blueindigo says things for non-wip related stuff <3

tag games are an ABSOLUTE YES my personal brand of yapping is answering questions

I like to write…

Realistic/contemporary fiction

Young adult/new adult

LGBTQ+ characters

Coming of age

Romance

Friend groups/found family

otherwise just people being people :)

More about my wips below !!

My WIPs

Never Have We Ever (NHWE)

Tags: #wip: never have we ever #wip: NHWE

Summary: Liz has the best friends a girl could ask for. Harley, Mikey, and Natasha have been her people since elementary school, and Trevor and Amanda since middle school. Their whole lives, things have been pretty much the same. Same kids in their classes every year. Same streets between the same houses. Same, same, same. At the end of her freshman year of high school, just about when Liz is wondering how much same she could possibly handle, she catches Trevor’s eye as he laughs at someone’s joke, and something deep inside her lights up. Something she doesn’t know what to do with. Something she can't push back down once it comes barreling up to the surface. So much for same. After that, things can’t stop changing. And not just in her own life—her friend group starts pulling apart at the seams. Harley begins withdrawing from everyone with no explanation. Mikey gets in bigger trouble with his dad than ever. Natasha only has a year before she has to move off to college. Amanda is stuck between the person she is and the person the world wants her to be. Trevor seems to have gotten off easy, but Liz can’t be around him for more than a minute without falling head over heels all over again. In this collection of short stories, Liz has to wonder if the change of pace she thought she wanted is worth it. Sometimes it’s hard to be brave, and she’s never been the most open to change, but unfortunately, that does not stop it from happening. The only question is: what is she going to do about it?

Genres: short stories, realistic fiction, young adult, coming of age, contemporary Themes: found family, first crushes, dealing with change, growing up, maintaining friendships Characters: Liz Stanton 🩵, Harley Wilson 💚, Mikey Miller 💛, Natasha Knightley 💜, Trevor Marshall ❤️, Amanda Hamilton 🩷

NHWE is my oldest WIP, started on December 16, 2019. It’s been on ice lately, since the plot has gone through so many changes that I haven’t known what to do with it in a while, but one of my goals with posting about it is to warm myself back up to it. I think writing that summary was a good place to start. Wish me luck :D

The Together List (TTL)

Tags: #wip: the together list #wip: TTL

Summary: Audrey is in her first month of college. Within three weeks, she’s moved out of her childhood bedroom and into a room with a window that seems to open on its own and a door that creaks loud enough to wake up the whole floor, she’s stumbled into a friend group that seemed to pull itself together like drawstrings, and she’s gotten a job at an adorable independent milkshake shop with her roommate and one of her new friends. What more could she possibly ask for? The world, it seems. Audrey has a list ten miles long of all the little things she wants college to be. One night, she starts listing them out loud. Her friends—Logan, Lennon, McKinley, Aspen, and Levi—chime in with their own after a moment, and before anyone knows it it’s been three hours and they haven’t stopped. They aren’t even sure whose idea it is, but they start writing it down. Every box on this ridiculously decorated list will be checked off by the end of the year, they swear. Someone makes an Instagram account as a joke, but by the first post it’s become as serious an endeavor as they’ve ever had. They wouldn’t call themselves local celebrities, but they certainly wouldn’t correct you if you did. The thing about fame at this age, even at small amounts, is that it's bound to go to someone's head...

Genres: realistic fiction, young adult fiction, new adult fiction, coming of age, LGBTQ+ fiction Themes: LGBTQ+, friendships, fame, college, becoming an adult, relationships Characters: Audrey Marshall 💙, Logan Levine 🧡, Lennon Adler 💛, McKinley March 💜, Aspen Brady ❤️, Levi Jackson 💚

TTL was created on August 18, 2021. I saw a post on Pinterest of someone's summer bucket list and that sounded like such a fun thing to do with friends that I had to write about it. Two and a half-ish years later, TTL has also gone through many changes, so I'm sort of trying to refresh it now. I'm very excited to see where it takes me!

(Fun fact: the main character, Audrey, is the older sister of Trevor from NHWE!)

The Violet Sisters Club (TVSC)

Tags: #wip: the violet sisters club #wip: TVSC

Summary: The Violet Sisters Club, a world famous all-female pop rock band, is facing a very public lawsuit from a former hotheaded manager over their most recent album. Following the conclusion of their case, lead singer Naomi Tyler, drummer Inez Wilde, guitarist Chrissy Cameron, and bassist Francesca Sheridan escape to the luxurious Overlook Estate, a privately owned rental property on an island off the southern coast of California. Here, they can spend the summer out of the public eye, writing songs they don’t need to worry about releasing and letting the public wonder what they’re up to as they let the tension out of their muscles. With a property four times the size of Alcatraz Island and a beach over a mile long, the Overlook offers the band a respite from the go, go, go of touring, the privacy invasion of paparazzi, and the exhaustion of being micromanaged every minute of every day. Four pools, seven hot tubs, the aforementioned private beach, a high tech recording studio (just in case), a few golf carts just to get around the property and a Jeep to get to town. It’s unimaginably expensive, it’s incomprehensibly big, and it’s everything they need. But this escape may not be the relaxing California beach paradise they imagined. Soon, it becomes hard to hide how much the stress of fame was eating away at each of them—emotions run high, patiences run thin, days run long, nights run longer, and the strength of the band is questioned as the girls’ insecurities and anxieties bubble to the surface after a lifetime in the spotlight.

Genres: realistic fiction, contemporary fiction, literary fiction Themes: fame, music, romance, found family, secrets, breakups Characters: Naomi Tyler (lead singer, songwriter) 💜, Inez Wilde (drummer, vocalist, songwriter) 🩷, Chrissy Cameron (guitarist, vocalist, songwriter) 💙, Francesca Sheridan (bassist, vocalist, songwriter) 💚

TVSC was created on February 5, 2023, but the characters have been around almost as long as TTL. Initially, I created the Violet Sisters Club as a fictional band that would exist within The Together List, but at some point I couldn't get the idea of a TVSC-focused novel out of my head. I'm glad I never did, because some of my favorite ideas I've ever had have gone into TVSC. If I could have one wish, it would be for all of TVSC's songs to be real so I could listen to them without having to write them first.

Now That We Don’t Talk (NTWDT)

Tags: #wip: now that we don’t talk #wip: NTWDT

Summary: There are two important things to know about Hazel Henry and Saiah Bradford.  One: They kinda-sorta hate each other after they broke up last year at prom. (The same prom that ended with the school almost burning down and Hazel's twin brother's best friend going to the hospital. Bad memories all around.) Two: Someone on the planning committee for their senior class trip must be out to get them, because when they arrive at the hotel, they find out they’ve been assigned to the same room. This should have been impossible; Saiah requested to be paired with her best friend, Tory, who's going to have some explaining to do later, and Hazel would bet her life on the fact that she requested a room alone. Now, for the next two weeks, they’re both stuck in the same narrow room with its little square bathroom and practically-nonexistent privacy. The air conditioner turns on at random times, they seem to be paired together for every single scheduled activity, and perhaps worst of all—their friends all seem to find this situation absolutely hilarious.  But it’s just two weeks, right? It’ll be over before they know it, and soon they can both go back to pretending their relationship—and each other—never existed. Right? Right? Happy senior year to them. 

Genres: realistic fiction, young adult fiction, contemporary fiction, LGBTQ+ fiction, romance Themes: reconciliation, romance, friendship, forgiveness, guilt, regrets, family, growing up Characters: Hazel Henry 🩷, Nick Henry 💙, Saiah Bradford 💚, Tory Whitehouse 💛

NTWDT was created on October 18, 2023. Hilariously, I came up with the plot after making Hazel and Saiah in the Sims, and I literally couldn't stop thinking about them whenever I wasn't playing. As I do with every character I create, I became obsessed with them, and now here we are. And in case you're wondering, yes, I named it after the Taylor Swift song lol.

Trouble In Paradise (TIP)

Tags: #wip: trouble in paradise #wip: TIP

Summary: Sixteen years ago, Joe Alexander and Ben King drove across the US in the pursuit of Joe's true love. Today, Joe is preparing to move out of his and his ex-wife's house and drive across the country once more, joined by his daughter, Bryce, and his best friend/his daughter's biological father, Ben. It's all familiar—the long stretches of empty fields, collapsing onto a cheap hotel bed for the night, never being able to decide where to stop for food—and yet, Joe has no idea what he's in for.  This is a story of two cross-country road trips, and the lives that one woman is able to ruin in between. Joe Alexander and Ben King have both lost their entire worlds to Lilly Alexander. But the ones they’ve gained after her might be—in some weird, unconventional way—a little better.

Genres: realistic fiction, contemporary fiction, adult fiction, literary fiction Themes: reconciliation, moving on, guilt, parenting, cheating, manipulation, mental illness, past sexual assault Characters: Joe Alexander, Ben King, Bryce Alexander, Lilly Alexander

TIP is technically my newest WIP, since I came up with the full plot earlier this year (February 13, 2024). I've had the vague idea of it for just over a year, but I didn't quite know what to do with it until recently. It's definitely more mature with its topics than my other wips, as you might be able to tell by the themes, but I really like the concept and I've had a lot of fun plotting it so far, even if it's a little out of my comfort zone.

(Fun fact: the original title way back when the characters didn't even have last names was High Infidelity, after the Taylor Swift song, since I thought it was so thematically appropriate.)

···

OKAY I'm pretty sure I have officially run out of things to say. If you made it all the way here, thank you so much for reading! Like I said earlier, feel free to interact any way you like :D

This post is sort of a masterpost for all my wips, but I'm also doing posts for each wip separately so I can go into more detail. Those are/will be linked in the title for each wip.

Thanks again for reading, and have a good day/night !!

―BlueIndigo <3

[pgide]

TJ deserves to be happy

Just now I finished reading chapter 66 of “Wet Sand” and I have to say that I feel sad, angry and confused.

Throughout the story I always believed and felt that Ian and TJ loved each other, but seeing what I've seen I'm starting to doubt that Ian really loved TJ and at the end of the day all he feels is fondness and guilt.

I'm stunned how easy it is for Ian to go with Jo to live as newlyweds . what about TJ? Does he mean nothing to him? I'm so pissed, I don't understand why it's always TJ who has to swallow all the shit from everyone, especially Ian's.

It pisses me off how he can let go of TJ's hand without blinking when TJ never let go of his, TJ was the only one who was there to get him off drugs, the only one who was willing to get him out of shit when all those men saw in him a whore to be fucking whenever they want. At that moment TJ realized that he could only protect him through a position of money and power. It pisses me off how easily he forgets that TJ left everything for him, even the mark on his face owes to Ian, TJ also had the chance to live a decent life but he didn't care diving into shit for loving him.

How can forget 19 years at TJ's side for a few months with Jo? I have nothing against Jo, I love that he lived a life so different from the two of them, but I just don't get why be so cruel to TJ.

I know that TJ is the one who lets him go, but he does it out of love, so his beloved Ian can be free from that world, cause TJ knows that for him it's too late, so what pisses me off is not that they don't end up together, from the start it was known how it was going to end, but I expected something more from Ian, and not just he'd go play house with Jo.

One of the things I love most about TJ is the dignity with he faces every situation. He didn't make a scene when Jo did what he did, he simply turned around, he didn't look for him because it was his way of protecting him and then in the car once again he gives him the option to walk away, bc at this point TJ knows that if they're together he's the perfect target to bring him down, since everyone knows that Ian is his only weakness.

While TJ is putting his life in danger to protect themself what is Ian doing? ¡¡¡fucking Jo day and night !!!! ¿he does what he does because TJ asked him to? Didn't he say that he doesn't follow his orders? HOW DAMN CONVENIENT!!!!

I knew that everything was going from bad to worse when they camped and both feel that it is their first time together, the message is clear, TJ is no longer a bump in the road, but it hurts me how TJ is not loved by anyone, not even by the person he has loved and cared for 19 fucking years.

Everyone talks about Ian's happiness, but getting high and being a slut was his decision, but TJ's whole life has been a bloody shit, from having to see his parents and brother burn to death, being orphaned at 10 years old, and falling in love with a bastard who has been unable to love him in the same way and who abandoned him when he needed it the most.

So I wonder, who really deserves to be happy?

[golbrocklovely]

Hii! I just found ur blog and it’s amazing. I recently just got back into snc for the first time since 2018-19 and I was just wondering what drama went down with all the trap house members? And what’s going on with Stas? When I phased out for a bit they were all still friends and I had never heard of her lol. Thanks sm!! <3

i know i've made a post about this forever ago, but i can't seem to find it, so i'll use this as main post to explain everything that's happened. bc i get questions like this every couple months haha

this is most likely gonna be very long, so strap in.

there's also a couple asks i link in this one that explains further everything so... sorry for the additional reading lol

idk if you want an extended cut of this, aka know everything that's happened with their friends too and not just the trap house members, or just TH ppl only, but i'm gonna give you the extended version just so you know where everyone stands.

to make a long story short: they aren't really friends anymore. friendly? sure. and really that's only between colby-jake-corey. sam doesn't seem to really associate with any of their old friends.

this also expands to their old friends as well: they all seemed to be close up until around kat's or sam's bday of 2020. then things just changed.

a lot of the old friend group just stopped hanging around snc for some reason. or at least slowly disappeared from them and their content. no one knows for certain what happened, or if anything major did happen.

there seemed to be a lot of inner-personal fighting. like mike, kevin, and aryia aren't really friends anymore. kevin and aryia seem close still, but mike is completely removed from the group as a whole. i answered an ask a long time ago that explains what happened here. but in short: no one checked on mike when his mental health was bad, and thus he kinda just removed himself from the group. there also seemed to be a bit of separation happening prior when mike didn't move into the krac house - also known as the kevin, reggie, aryia, and cassie house.

that gets into the extended side of the friend group. to summarize that as to what they're all doing rn - kevin and aryia (i believe) live together now in la after aryia finally moved back from living away for awhile. cassie, reggie, and jillian (jake and reggie's younger sister) all live back in kansas now. xepher lives/lived in texas. her and griffin are together still.

as for the trap girls, none of them are really close with one another anymore. kat and xepher are still friendly (or were at one point). devyn and tara seem to still like one another i guess. i don't really pay attention to any of the girls if i'm honest. but just know that basically none of them talk to kat.

now for the actual trap house members. they all lived in apartments away from one another (minus jake and snc who all lived in the same building) and then in feb/march of 2020 they all moved into a mansion together. aaron has been on his own since they all moved out in 2019. idk what he's up to besides making random content on tiktok and doing random lives with corey sometimes.

so they all lived together in an la house, which snc told fans was in hawaii bc of the theming of the backyard. then by sept/nov of 2020 things changed. after that point, corey and jake ended up moving out by the next year.

let me get into what has happened with jake: jake had made some comments on livestreams about not being allowed to make loud noises. and it became clear as time went on that he felt like he couldn't be his "true self" in that house bc snc (or more likely sam) was telling him to calm it down. there was also a weird random comment he made about how it was unfair kat could do a music video in the backyard but jake couldn't do that (however… idk how true this comment is, both literally bc i never got to hear it myself and also figuratively bc i don't see how snc would have been against him doing one at the house). what i believe to be the case is that once snc went from being roommates to landlords (bc they OWNED the house, not rented it) they probably forced a bit more rules on corey and jake and that made them upset to some degree. bc for some reason them not being allowed to trash the house they were living in was upsetting??? idk.

jake moved out into his own house. he started collabing with the knj crew (a lot of the old snc crew moved on to collab with the knj crew), started a twitch streaming group called the camboys with jc. he's still dating tara. and he just recently moved into a house with johnnie gilbert and someone else and they have a music group together called ghost house. he's also really into serial killers and makes content out of owning shit they used to have so… do with that info as you will.

now onto corey: corey tried to have a lot of ppl over in the DEEPEST parts of the pandemic, and i think snc weren't cool with that. especially having random strangers over, not even main friends. it also didn't help that corey was travelling back and forth from la to florida all the time. he mentioned he wanted to move out bc he felt like he was stuck and the main reason he moved to la in the first place was bc he wanted to make music and be a dj and shit like that. he also mentioned briefly that he had a bit of an addiction problem, and he felt that moving out and getting a fresh start would help him. he ended up moving in with elton. and hasn't really made all that much music so…. idk what that's about. he mostly just collabs with devyn (who he broke up with briefly at one point) and elton.

the reason why a lot of us don't like corey is bc of his collaborations with elton on overnight and tfil. to get an understanding on that, read this ask that goes into what elton has done over the last couple years. this ask and this one too also go into more stuff he has done.

but to make it very brief: snc did a series called 25x25 where they were bucket list making/doing, elton felt like they were copying him, and bc of that he became extremely petty towards them. and he's still doing that to this day. like, going so far to block snc's name from the comment section of his videos (even one where he collabed with corey and aaron). and mind you, snc didn't actually copy him. so………… yeah.

as of rn, snc seem to be friendly with jake and corey but aren't as close as they once were. jake and corey are still close. jake supported colby when he announced he had cancer. pretty much everyone came out of the woodwork to wish colby well, except corey. so personally, i don't like him even if colby still does.

as for stas…. oh boy. there's a lot there.

stas is a friend of kat's, that she knows bc they were on the same record label at one point. stas appeared in 2019 a couple times to hang out with kat, but didn't fully become a friend of snc's until 2021. she went on one or two 25x25 trips with them, and then also was in a couple videos with them for their haunted stuff when they went back to that. she became her most prominent in 2022, when they all started collabing/hanging out with one another often and going on multiple trips. they all dubbed the group 'the core four'.

the reason some of us don't like her is bc she has done some questionable things over the years. apprently, even way back in 2019, she was talking about snc/colby like she was besties with them even tho that wasn't the case. she used to answer fans' questions about him, like what he smelled like and shit like that. but things really didn't start picking up with her until 2021/2ish

i have a whole post here that explains all of that. it also talks about shea too, but you can skip over that if you don't care.

so…. that's everything, i think. there's probably a bit more i can explain if you need me to, but otherwise this is everything i can think of off the top of my head.

welcome back to the circus, i guess lol

[appleciders]

6, 8, 18, 19

beautiful flipped symmetry in these numbers bro thank u!

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

ooh, all the time i'm not sure, but i'm a serial bookmarker (LOVE to bookmark something) and i definitely do come back to stuff!! i'm having trouble thinking of names right now. there's just so so much incredible fic out there tbh. if you're willing to do some sifting, here's the full unfiltered (💀) list that's been growing since i was like 14

(oh wait: actually, just remembered one that i do come back to probably at least once a year, until the sun makes the hills its grave. i have no idea how i even found it, given that i only watched the first two seasons of the 100 and i'm missing half the context for it, and i don't know why this one resonates with me so much, but there's a certain kind of mood i get into where i love to reread it)

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

i haven't been writing too much at the moment! moving and life stuff has thrown a wrinkle in it. i've got a bunch of half-finished ficlets for bad sisters that i don't know if they'll amount to anything bigger, especially bc the response to the last one wasn't super interested. for in-progress projects that have been on new-hyperfixation backburner that i hope to return to, i've got my mary circle of magic au for wn and my lupe butching her way through domesticity fic for aloto

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

oh hmm. this chunk from housed as they are has been sticking with me all through this year, so right now i care for it a lot!

“Another part of me can’t stay here.” She tips her face toward Addison, almost apologetic. “Both hurt. But I love too many people to keep away from either.” “So go,” Addison says. “Go and come back.” Like the tide, Maggie thinks. Like the circulation of blood from the heart. Go and come back.

less seriously, i love a lot of the silly little jokes i made in this same fic lol

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

i wish i could give you a chunk from the prompt that's sitting in my inbox, because i do hope to get some wn brain soon to be able to fill it for you!! but here is some mary&lilith from the mary fic i mentioned in the meantime (with bonus shannon)

Lilith makes a face, entirely ungrateful of Mary’s prodigious restraint. She looks around. “Where’s Beatrice?” Shannon and Mary give her matching looks. “Still? Yanna’s hands.” Exasperated, Lilith appeals to the Living Circle god of healing. “One day, the pipes for the private baths will break, and she is going to have to bathe in the trough with the pigs.” Mary shrugs. “She might prefer that. Over you.” Lilith scoffs, splashing a wave of water at Mary. Mary slaps the water to spray her back. Shannon, caught in the crossfire, retaliates by shoving Mary off the bench. Mary grabs Lilith in her attempt to keep purchase. The two of them fall sideways in slow motion, Lilith’s vice grip clenching around Mary’s wrist. They surface, spluttering. “Oh, you–” Mary starts. “Shannon,” Lilith harmonizes. To any outsiders, Shannon would seem placid, at most mildly amused. To the two who know her best, she is utterly, unbearably smug. Mary looks at Lilith. Lilith looks at Mary. As one, they lunge, grabbing Shannon on each side and yanking her in. She lets them; she comes up laughing. All three of them are grinning, then, neck-deep, droplets of warm water hanging like clear beads from their faces. Lilith doesn’t even start a whirlpool, though, as she readily threatens, she could.

[fifteensjukebox]

19, 20

hiiii thanks sm for asking <3

19. what’re you excited about for next year?

more travelling with my family!! we're finally planning a europe trip next year, we haven't been there together in agesssss

20. what’s something you learned this year?

that one night staying up at a party (not even drinking) until 4am will absolutely destroy me for 2 weeks (it was in jan and i am honestly not sure if i've recovered) (yes this is the going away party i keep posting about with john and andrew and all that)

in a more fun kind of learning, i made jamaican rum cake for my dad for christmas/his birthday! it's quite the endeavour but it was fun

i just glanced back at the list and saw that q 21 is something new about my place of residence and i just laughed bc that would be the entire house - same general location but closer to a train station! i love it here but we're probably only here for 2 years bc the landlord might finally move in (her dad builds houses and this one was supposed to be for her but she's wasn't ready to move in yet)

my mom and i also rearranged the living room on christmas morning bc it just didn't feel right - it's still not perfect but it's improved - anw that's enough about a q u didn't ask probably

[spurgie-cousin]

What happened with Kody and Gabriel?

Originally, they had a big disagreement about the rules Kody came up with for COVID-19, because Gabe and his brothers believed they were unfair to their mother/siblings/Christine and her kids, basically everyone but Robyn and her kids. Kody justified the unfair split of time by saying his youngest kids lived at Robyn's house and they needed the most time and attention (when Christine's daughter Truely was only a year older but go off).

After almost a year or so Kody was still telling them things like, if they wanted to work outside the house they needed to move out of Janelle's house to avoid exposing others to COVID, or if they chose to spend time with girlfriends or friends then he wouldn't come and see them for his allotted few days for the same reason. And since they didn't see him much anyway (per them) they decided to not listen anymore, which caused a big rift that ended in them not seeing each other for months if not maybe a year plus.

In the most recent episode, at probably the height of their rift, Kody catches COVID (cosmic fuckin karma if you ask me) and calls Gabe to talk about what symptoms he had, how they compare, etc bc Gabe had previously caught it. He just happened to call on Gabe's birthday, and Gabe didn't mention it on the phone to see if Kody remembered and he didn't, which seems to have really, really hurt Gabe. He full on broke down over it on the show and seemed genuinely heartbroken. Per Gabe he was either reminded by someone or remembered himself later and called back to apologize

Kody's justification for this is that 1. He had COVID, and terrible brain fog that came with it 2. He'd been in so much pain that he hadn't been sleeping much and genuinely didn't realize what day it was and as much as I hate to do it, I gotta cut him some slack here. I've had that brain fog and I know what a chore it is to function when you're that sick, especially if you're also taking care of other people. But given the circumstances Gabe was really hurt and I completely feel for him too, the poor kid just misses his dad and wants desperately to feel like he's important to him so this hit him hard.

[bonesandthebees]

i (somehow) had managed not to cry at stars this whole time, but this epilogue BROKE ME.

the reuniting with niki was so so so well done, i loved that she didn’t trust him straight away, and still held that resentment. like it had been three years of her living completely isolated, just trying to survive, of course she wasn’t going to celebrate immediately.

the coronation scene was just perfect. like actual perfection. the description felt so vivid, i felt like i was a guest in the room there. the nods tommy looking like the sun, were so beautifully done, because really he is the sun to all of them :( and wilbur being the crown prince of zephys IV. i cant even like put into words how perfect that is. i was actually crying like tears of joy. his whole life he had deserved so much more, and not only has he got this new power, but he finally has a complete family too. this must have been my favourite scene out of the whole fic, you’ve outdone yourself.

i’m not a writer so i’m struggling to put into words how emotional this epilogue made me. i sent an ask earlier about how stars had helped me through rough times, and now i’m feeling a lot better, it feels crazy to think stars is over. you are insanely talented, and i cant wait to see what you do next

aaaa thank you so much!!! the reuniting with niki scene was something i've had in my head for ages. I always knew that wilbur wasn't going to reunite with her until the epilogue and she was going to be hiding out on an outer sector planet all alone, but the scene still had to be so carefully crafted to match exactly what i was going for. the thing is, niki was traumatized just like wilbur and tommy. sure, she wasn't threatened with execution, but she didn't know what was going to happen. she's the same age as wilbur. she was a terrified 19 year old who had to run away from the planet she grew up on and hide out completely alone for 3 years. it was resentment, but it was also fear. niki's just gone through so much :(

the coronation scene was so fun to write I was straight up looping a track from the house of the dragon soundtrack as I blasted through it. the descriptions were so fun to come up with and I'm so glad you guys like the eldingvegrian crown bc I was really proud of it looking like a sunburst

so happy that you enjoyed :)

[obblivia]

I'm sorry but I need a mental health rn?!

Okay so, no one ever seems to talk about the REALLY messy part of mental health? The part where you're so psychotic you sign your finances away? The money That (in the UK at least, which it shouldn't just be, you ARE entitled to). The part where you're hooked up to 24 hour support and don't have a say, They tell you "y'know Zoe this is for you! Please tell us what you want and need!!!" But make a totally different decision based on 'what they think is right'. I know it sounds like the best thing for critical mental illnesses, but a big important part of it, is having your own space?! Like you shouldn't have to argue to be able to see your friends {24 hour support}, the friends that were there for you when all you needed was a smoke, but couldnt get one. The friends that turned you away from a bottle? The friends with similar diagnoses to you, who CAN get it, at least in some small way, and give you advice that you need, and not some spiel they got from a book about "self care".

The people I'VE encountered, now I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, but the people who support me, haven't got the means to deal with a schizophrenic breakdown, or a BPD melt down.

People aren't informed enough to give the support people need.

Okay so, my mental health professionals have basically told me, that I can't make decisions for myself, now the research and personal experience, tell me that there's not enough knowledge in this space of the mental health world, it's called;

Capacity

What this means is; Are you able to make your own decisions? The criteria of incapacity (not being able to make your own decisions) ;

When there is a decision to be made, the person is unable to understand the information given.

Unable to retain the afore mentioned information.

The inability to make the decision, based on all of the information given.

And lastly

Not being able to communicate their decision.

Now, this applies to three main categories of illnesses;

Mentally disabled people.

People with dementia.

And people with serious mental health issues.

I am affected by the mental health side of things, so that's what I will address.

A lot of mental health professionals make the mistake of indecision, and what I like to call "cloudy brain" for incapacity.

For what ever reason this may pose a problem, may it be trauma, or just plain indecisiveness.

In my opinion it's a fine line, I used to even find it hard to think. My diagnosis is Schizophrenia, and I battled a lot with depression because of this. Now, for two years, my head was silent, never mind the fact that Satan and God were arguing about how to go forward with earth, and how anxiety goes back to the cavemen in my head. There was never MY VOICE, I didn't have thoughts, unless it was; "What should I eat" or, "What should I watch?" you tell me if a person suffering from this, could easily form a well informed decision in their minds. I found it hard to form an opinion about anything. A lot of my decisions just came to me, they weren't always the right ones, but I got through. When posed with a problem, a lot of people freeze also, which can be mistaken for incapacity. It's hard to always be able to make a decision.

Now, the social work in my country (UK) have decided that;

Because I don't always make the right decisions, I am not capable.

Because I choose to live where I am comfortable, i am not safe.

They seem to believe that because I am not living the most healthy life; that my life is wrong. And needs to be controlled. Restricted even.

I am not a believer of this, some people thrive off chaos, it's what they've been taught, and feel safe in, I also believe there is a fine line between living in your comfort zone, and living unhealthily.

If you have incapacity, the services can control your finances, this means your benefits get paid directly into a corporate bank account, and distributed to you, in a safe and controlled manner.

Now that's all well and good. But what if you're only 19, and want to live life? And struggle just like the rest of your friends? What if you don't want your growth stunted, because someone else is doing your house work, and making all the appointments and phone calls?

I DONT WANT ANYONE ELSE TO STRUGGLE LIKE O HAVE.

My capacity report okay; the questions were based on a domestic abuse relationship.

They asked me for example:

Do you feel you can stop/ say no to sex? (With my manipulative abuser)

Do you feel you can say no in general?

Do you feel he manipulates you, and if so, do you feel you can stand up for yourself?

With an abuser? What do you think. And this is what they based my whole capacity report on, my doctor and MHO are scummy I suppose. (MHO stands for Mental Health Officer).

I am WELL now, maybe for about 1 year? And I am still struggling with the fall out of a psychotic breakdown, from which I ended up in hospital for 9 months, THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM IS NOT FAIR.

But if anyone reads this, don't worry, I'm bringing everything to the attention of my lawyer. So I hope everything rights itself.

ANYWAY, have some nice stuff bc that was heavy....

My fucking Google photos won't sync with Samsung gallery so just have a selfie fs.....

[sadgirlindiemusic]

Some spoilery thoughts now that I've finished Nona the Ninth:

-The more I think about it the more I think the Gideon we're seeing is the real Gideon, just very traumatized and in a very, very dark place ("the saddest person in the whole world" according to Nona). And why wouldn't she be? She grew up in what one would think would be the worst circumstances imaginable. Unloved, abused, with next to no hope of escaping, but she still managed to keep herself afloat just living for her next escape attempt for most of those 19 years. And when we see her in Nona she's gotten everything she ever dreamed of: she's in the cohort, she's off the ninth, she has a family. And it's 1000x WORSE than before. Her dad is the world's biggest gaslighting dick. She's being kept as a corpse with her chest gaping open. Harrow, who for most of her life Gideon just wanted to be rid of, is gone and it feels like she's taken half Gideon's heart with her. Of course she's having a dark night of the soul. Like what is there even to live for at this point? She's seen the absolute worst and what she thought would be the absolute best and both of them sucked a bag of dicks.

-Also love that Palamades treats Gideon like her old self, despite how different she is. Pyrrha straight up tells her she's acting soulless, Cam is even more stoic than usual, even Corona seems taken aback, but Pal acts like Gideon is just the same as when they last saw her at Canaan house.

-Alecto wakes up and literally the first thing she does is bite Harrow on the face. Even the Tridentarii couldn't. Iconic.

-Camilla and Palamades becoming Camilla-and-Palamades / Paul scene being reminiscent of a wedding with their family and friends gathered around, but also a birthday party with Camilla playing the part of the candles on Nona's birthday cake. 😭

-Alecto pov was very neat for the epilogue but I really hope we don't get a whole book of it. Like, I NEED some Gideon pov in Alecto bc we need to know what's going on with her, and how she's going to deal or not deal with Harrow seemingly being back in her body. And I also really want some Paul pov.

[a-kookie-with-my-tae]

1. Namjoon. He just looked so big and was always talking. And his rap voice had me shook in the music videos. He's the first name I learned.

2. The Truth Untold. What other song would there be man.

3. Not believing in myself enough and taking the chances that I should've because of it.

4. When Jungkook is imitating RMs rap from MIC Drop in a funny voice. Please if anyone has a video I need that in my life and I cant find it.

5. Alc: Strawberry Daquiri. Norm: Southern Sweet Tea, family recipe.

6. I am going to college for performing arts and music production, so I'd hope so. I want to be able to influence people through my music in the same way BTS has.

7. Yes. I wanted to go into the Navy and train to be a surgeon to save lives. But after a really bad injury, the smell of blood makes me faint, so I had to give it up.

8. Depends on the situation. But mostly a lover.

9. I want to create songs that inspire people.

10. Nope. Next question.

11. Okay so I have it organized by group, then by member. So like... my favorite group number right now is a tie between Mikrokosmos and Bulletproof: The Eternal. But my favorite solo songs are JK Begin, JM Serendipity, V Winter Bear, JH Ego, RM Persona, SG Shadow, and J Moon. This last album really just blasted ya know.

12. Yes. Many times. Mostly for loving kpop bc im listening to music in a language that isn't English. My response: then why do you listen to despacito and taki taki. Do you speak Spanish, i think not.

13. The first time I met my dad. I was about 6 and he drove to my Nanas house in Georgia on his bike. We took pictures and he took me for a ride. Then we stayed at Disney world for a couple nights. To me, it was like something that was missing in my life was finally there. Too bad it didn't last though.

14. No. My childhood wasn't a very good one for the most part.

15. I have many acquaintances. People I talk to. But only a few people that I can actually call friends that I hang out with.

16. Ask me in a few days it'll probably change. But, right now summer sweetie is kinda my aesthetic. Its hard to explain.

17. Their music helped me out of the darkest time in my life. My friend introduced me to them when I thought my life would end and somehow they brought me out of it. Whether it be their amazing music, or their constant weirdness that makes me laugh, or them just reminding me that I want alone. They saved me. And I owe them everything for that.

18. Hopefully, on stage, spreading a message with my music. But I dont graduate for 6 years so...

19. Jungkook. He and I act so much alike and I just feel like I can relate to him the most out of all of them.

20. 2019 MAMA. When they performed Mikrokosmos I just about died.

21. LA with a vacation house in Busan, SK. I visit my best friends family over there and its so beautiful (as long as you stay away from the district with the open sewer system haha). I love everything about the culture there. Its amazing.

22. Right now I've been listening to Coffee a lot and it makes me smile every time. But, usually Jamais Vu or Anpanman.

23. I dont go clubbing but prob a bunch of ATEEZ and STRAY KIDS bc a lot of their songs sound like full on dance music man.

24. Writing. Whether it be stories or song lyrics. Creating things makes me feel at peace, at home.

25. Of course. I hope I get to meet mine someday.

26. Their eyes. I want to meet eyes with someone and just feel that connection, ya know.

27. To a degree. I believe that when soulmates find each other, there's this bond already there, this pull. But, they don't know each other well enough to be in love. Definitely a deep caring.

28. BOOKS.

29. The ocean. I grew up going to the ocean all the time. Its so beautiful and chaotic all at the same time. I love it there.

30. On and off for almost two years. Found out he was a cheating bastard the whole time. Next question.

31. I like Werewolf, Solange, and ABO AUs. The concept of having a mate is so fascinating to me and I love it.

32. Love. Not just for myself but for someone else. And for them to share it. Physical things won't last forever. They degrade with time. But I want a love that'll last.

33. Only when im depressed or like super pissed off. So not very often now but it used to be almost every night.

34. I CANT DECIDE THEY ALWAYS LOOK GOOD (except RMs debut hair can we not 😂😂)

35. Always tell the truth. I'm a pretty open person so.

36. Right now I'm digging Post. I also love Panic and a lot of more metal bands like BMTH, FFDP and In This Moment. Also, give me any classic rock song and I garuntee that I know it.

37. My eyes. They change color a lot and I have dots of brown in them, like freckles. They can turn from an emerald green to ocean blue to an amber. I also have big eyes which makes my lil bro tell me a look liek a doll a lot, but whatever.

38. Thank you for everything that you have done. Don't ever belittle yourself and stop working so hard. We all love and support you, no matter what, flaws and all. So stop trying to be the perfect person you think we want, because we just want you. Don't be your decalcomania. We love you for who you are.

39. Give my all and fail. I hate cheating and will never condone it. I would also feel better knowing I gave it the best I got. There's nothing else I can do other than be proud of what I did.

40. That would be at least 5 pages i am very detailed about schedules. I shall not.

41. I'm a little bit of both but mostly cutie.

42. The Mind. Like the Scarlet Witch.

43. Hey. Whats wrong? I feel like there has to be for you to be tearing down another human being for doing what they love. How would you feel if someone sat there and picked apart all your flaws for the world to see? Exactly.

44. Black Matter. There's so much we can do with it. And if we were ever to get real life super powers from anything, it would be black matter

45. I'd want to go through a day of training with them. I want to experience what they have to go through every day. But I'd want to make a song together and learn the choreography to it.

46. The long path. The fun is in the journey, not in the destination. If you skip all the experiences along the way, what's the point of getting to the top?

47. Blood Sweat and Tears. I first got into them when Wings fridt came out.

48. Boy With Luve dance practice outfit. I just love those pants man.

49. Lights. I just love it. It makes me happy but cry at the same time.

50. Sea. Omg. Just... yes.

🎼 bts song ask game 🎶

Boy With Luv: the first member who caught your eye?

Intro: Persona: what song is your go to when you’re sad?

Make It Right: what is something you regret?

Jamais Vu: favorite bts moment?

Dionysus: what’s your favorite drink?

Interlude: Shadow: would you want to be famous? why or why not?

Black Swan: have you ever had to give up on a dream?

Filter: would you consider yourself to be a lover or a fighter?

My Time: what do you want to do for a career?

Louder than Bombs: are you the type who can easily handle confrontation?

ON: what’s your favorite bts song?

UGH!: have you ever had to deal with hate?

00:00 (Zero O’Clock): what’s your favorite childhood memory?

Inner Child: if you could go back to being a kid again, would you?

Friends: are you the type to have many friends or a select few?

Moon: what is your favorite aesthetic?

Respect: why do you respect bts?

We are Bulletproof: the Eternal: where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10? 20?

Outro: Ego: who is your bias and why?

Mikrokosmos: what is your favorite bts performance?

HOME: where do you want to live in the future?

Euphoria: what is the song that brings you the most joy?

Trivia 起: Just Dance: make a playlist of songs you would dance to in a club

Serendipity: what is one thing that brings you peace?

DNA: do you believe in soulmates?

Dimple: what is your favorite feature in a person?

Trivia 承: Love: do you believe in love at first sight?

Her: books or movies?

Singularity: space or the ocean? why?

FAKE LOVE: write about one time you’ve had your heart broken without detailing what happened

The Truth Untold: what is your favorite trope in a story?

Trivia 轉: Seesaw: if you could have one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Tear: how often to you cry?

Epiphany: what is your favorite look on the members of bts?

I’m Fine: would you rather never tell the truth or always tell the truth?

IDOL: outside bts, who are some artists you like?

Answer: Love Myself: what is your favorite feature about yourself? why?

Magic Shop: if you could tell your bias one thing in person, what would it be?

Best of Me: would you rather give your all and fail, or cheat your way into getting what you want?

Airplane pt.2: create a travel itinerary 

Go Go: cutie or sexy?

Anpanman: if you could have one superpower what would it be?

MIC Drop: what’s one thing you would tell a hater?

134340: what is your favorite thing in space?

Paradise: if you could have one day with bts, what would you want to do?

Love Maze: there are two paths on a mountain. one is steep and difficult but it gets you to the top faster. the other is easy but it would take much longer to reach your destination. which do you take and why?

So What: what was the first bts song you heard?

Outro: Tear: favorite outfit on your bias?

Don’t Leave Me: favorite japanese song by bts?

Spring Day: what is one song that gives you unexplained nostalgia?

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING YEARS

Galleries are not especially prone to waste money. But that prescription, though sufficient, is too narrow. Hence such parodies as Pets.1 The EU was designed partly to simulate a single, large domestic market.2 All you need from a launch is some initial core of users. But if ephemeralization is one of the most immediate evidence I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them. Microsoft will have a significant effect on our returns, and the rest are just a cost of doing business. So you start painting.

For users, Web-based applications, you'll find that delighting customers scales better than you expected.3 My hypothesis is that all the programmers have to be aggressive about user acquisition when you're small, you'll probably get something better. Google, and Facebook all got started.4 Stocks will generate greater returns over thirty years, you had to be pretty convincing to overcome this. If you want to keep an eye on things you've changed recently. People who majored in computer science generally tried to conceal it. The main significance of this type of profitability is that you're no longer at the mercy of investors. The other major technical advantage of Web-based startup is food and rent. A new concept of variables. The most common was some combination of a blog, a calendar, a dating site, and Friendster. It was a sign of an underlying lack of resourcefulness. Most startups fail.

He meant the Mac and its documentation and even packaging—such is the nature of platforms. In startups, developers are often forced to talk directly to users, whether they want to work on ideas that few beside them realize are good. When you interview a startup and think they seem likely to succeed than not.5 But I think that a lot of variation in the incoming stream, but instead of pursuing this thought they tended to suppress it, in the sense that all you have to do it, even print journalists.6 But the Collison brothers weren't going to wait. At the time there might have been. Maybe it's just because knowledge about them hasn't permeated our culture yet.7 The best thing would be if it were inherently stupid to invest in Microsoft. If you're ramen profitable this painful choice goes away.8

It's Parkinson's Law running in reverse. The problem with India itself is that it's still so poor. Grad school makes a good launch pad for startups, because you're only replacing one segment instead of discarding the whole thing.9 The worst thing is not the optimal time to do it was turn the sound into packets and ship it over the Internet. It seemed the perfect bad idea: a site 1 for a niche market 2 with no money 3 to do something called price discrimination, which means charging each customer as much as they used to. The number of users and the problem they solved was an urgent one. The fact that you can get at least someone to pay you, getting incorporated, raising money, but you can't expect to hit that right away. Values are what have types, not variables, and assigning or binding variables means copying pointers, not what they point to. But that is at least the next Chicago.10 There's selling, promotion, figuring out what those problems are.

It used to be aware of death to a degree that violates our expectations about variation. The test drive was the way to create wealth is to make more than you spend. But success has taken a lot of money.11 You can change anything about a house except where it is. It allows you to give an impressive-looking talk about nothing, and it may be just as likely to feel life was short if we lived 10 times as long?12 Any strategy that omits the effort—whether it's expecting a big launch to get you users, or a professional football player. And really it never was.

I asked some friends who work for big companies.13 You can be ornery when you're Scotty, but not so wrong about the underlying principle.14 Otherwise you'll have to make something people will pay for? Imagine how depressing the world would be if it were all like school and big companies, you'd need an impressive-looking talk about nothing, and it would be possible to reproduce Silicon Valley in Japan, because one of Silicon Valley's most distinctive features is immigration. Why don't more people do it? David Filo and Jerry Yang started the Yahoo directory in February 1994 and were getting a million hits a day by the fall, but they don't realize it.15 The traditional break everything and then filter out the uncommitted. They've spent 15-20 years solving problems other people have in their heads. The good news is, choosing problems is something that has a 90% chance of failing, if you don't solve all their problems. You can be ornery when you're Scotty, but not when you're Kirk.16 Yes. A lot of would-be founders.

As Fred Brooks pointed out, small groups are intrinsically more productive, because they know that as you run out of garages. It's easy to let the days rush by. For the first week or so we intended to make this an ordinary desktop application. The more versatile the tool, the less you need the money. The amount of time you have. It was easy to tell how smart they were, and most decent hackers are capable of that. I don't think many people realize how fragile and tentative startups are in the US are auto workers, New York City schoolteachers, and civil servants happier than actors, professors, and professional athletes? We felt we were good at organizing groups and making projects happen. You're not sacrificing anything if you forgo starting a startup is merely an artifact of the way through the server market; Yahoo's servers, which deal with loads as high as any on the Internet, anything genuinely good will spread by word of mouth.

For a big company, it's good news.17 If we ever got to the point where they could raise millions from VC funds if they hadn't first raised a hundred thousand from Andy Bechtolsheim. Viaweb was a typical larval startup. If I'd had to wait a year for the next couple years, a good recipe for startups will be to remind founders they need to do is give the right sort of founder a one line intro to a VC, and he'll chase down the implications of what's said to you can sometimes lead to uncomfortable conclusions.18 If you pay them to raise the money to manufacture your own hardware, or use your software for the first time, you know what you're talking about, you can succeed by sucking up to the right people: you can tell that by the number of people who want to come to America can even get in? You never really know what's happening inside it.19 What they want is easy. Technology is a lever.

Notes

There's a sort of investor who says he's interested in each type of mail, I would be a quiet, earnest place like Cambridge in that. It's hard to predict at the time required to notice them.

Delivered as if you'd invested at a discount of 30% means when it converts. It's conceivable that a company in Germany told me they like the application of math to real problems, but nothing else: no friends, TV, go running. On the other hand, a market of one investor who says he's interested in us!

For example, would not produce a viable organism.

If they no longer working to help the company they're buying. But those are guaranteed in the sense that if colleges want to work late at night.

If not, greater accessibility. Even college textbooks is unpleasant work, done mostly by technological progress is accelerating, so presumably will the rate of improvement is more important for societies to remember and pass on the young Henry VIII and was troubled by debts all his life.

These points don't apply to types of startup people in 100 years. That's very cheap, 1/50th of a problem if you'll never need to offer especially large rewards to get to profitability on a hard technical problem. I'm also an investor, and the valuation is the place for people interested in x, and owns significant equity in it. In 1525 he was exaggerating.

You have to turn down some good proposals too.

The Industrial Revolution was one in an era of such regulations is to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a few VC firms were the impressive ones. For example, the only companies smart enough to defend their interests in political and legal disputes. Possible doesn't mean a great thing in itself deserving.

I've deliberately avoided saying whether the 25 people have historically done to their stems, but he refused because a there was near zero crossover. Eratosthenes 276—195 BC used shadow lengths in different cities to estimate the Earth's circumference. Com in order to win.

So in effect what the valuation a bit misleading to treat macros as a high school, approach the queen bees thereof and offer to be memorized. However, it was so violent that she decided never again. 25.

92.

Most were wrong, but the nature of server-based apps to share a virtual home directory spread across multiple servers. Indeed, that's not art because it reads as a high product of number of customers you need is a dotted line on a saturday, he was 10.

A termsheet with a product manager about problems integrating the Korean version of this essay, but I don't want to believe your whole future depends on the y, you'd get ten times as much as people in any era if people can see the old version, I would take their customers.

Indeed, it causes a fundamental economic shift away from large companies. William R.

But in this essay talks about the cheapest food available. It took a back seat to philology, which either desperately tries to munge what I've said into something that was killed partly by its overdone launch.

Dan was at the exact same thing twice. The reason not to. Peter Thiel would point out that there were 5 more I didn't like it if you want to know how many computers the worm infected, because there are some whose definition of property is driven mostly by technological progress aren't sharply differentiated. That's very cheap, 1/10 success rate for startups that have little do with the sort of community.

Many think successful startup? They each constrain the other is laziness.

Considering yourself a scientist. 43. So the cost can be useful in solving problems too, and when you had in high school textbooks. Innosight, February 2012.

And that will sign up quickest and those where the acquirer wants the employees. But if idea clashes got bad enough, maybe the corp dev people are magnified by the fact that they have less room to avoid using it out of their core values is Don't be evil. In principle companies aren't limited by the government and construction companies.