#bc i've been growing out my bangs for over a year and now-

[musouie]

aaah sorry i haven't been very active! these last few days have just been very hard to deal with. but earlier i butchered my bangs, so now i feel good as new!! ^^

[justjams2003]

Indiana Jones Blurb

Okay so this is just s quick little blurb bc I've recently become obsessed with him. Not spell checked or anything. Tell me if y'all would read more Indiana Jones 😜

Time travel! He's the first person to have recorded time travel! And just look! Ancient hundred year old war machines, tactics, languages, things he'd been studying his whole life! Things that he'd spend his much younger days searching for in dusty dry lands, in dark caves or even wet rat filled locations. But now, here it all is, in it's prime out in the open on green grass under blue skies. And the cherry on top, he reached Nasser before those damn Nazi's could.

"Kind Sir, you have saved my people and brought knowledge with that has sped up my research for years. How can I repay you?" Nasser confronts Indiana in his ancient and he answers without a single thought. "Can you give me one more visit through time before I go back?" His old hands shake as he begs. The mathematician examines the clock in his hands. And then nods. "I repay the man who has given me more time, with time. Where to?"

It's a swift, smooth blur, much different than the incredibly bumpy plane ride the first time. And much, much more quiet. The first thing he hears is your voice, begging his own father to stay awake. He remembers this like it was yesterday. He'd just confessed his love to you the first time, believing he would die in the three quests to the holy grail. But as selfish as he was back then, he didn't wait for a reply.

Then, he sees you hunched over his dying father. Covered in dust and your skin the same golden colour he used to be. Now in his old age one of his many regrets was not having you both wear more sunscreen. "Psst! Doll face!" He whispers his nickname for you, and by some force of the universe, you're the only one who raises their head. "I need some fresh air..." You mumble and once again the damn Nazi's let you, knowing you wouldn't run off.

He's hiding by some rocks, but your souls are attracted to the other and you find him almost instantly. You're just like he remembers you. How he wished he spent more time focused on you instead of old gold and pottery. Because that there is always more of, but of you there never will be. "Indy?" Your voice is like sweet melodies to his ears. His past and present collides in one cruel bang as he pulls you as close as he can.

He holds you tight as he can, you're utterly confused. Not only by his presence but also by the sheer force he holds you. As if he's lost you a million times over. "Indy? No...not my Indiana." He laughs at your confusion, trying to drink up every single bit of you. Your smell, your voice, the crinkle between your brows and your warm smile. "Always so clever, doll face." Your nose scrunches up and the crinkle between your brows grows, but before you can say anymore, he interrupts you.

"I don't have much time to explain, but-" You can see tears form in his eyes. His hands are shaking and he still refuses to let you go. "But I need you to break my heart. I need you to leave me and never come back. Please-" his voice cracks, and he shudders, trying to keep himself composed to finish his request. "Please I can't handle the hurt anymore." You can see just how much he is struggling. How much he wants to break down in your arms. And you reply by pulling him tighter. He smells much different. There is no longer that lingering scent of leather and gunpowder. But his warmth is still the same, your body still fits in his the same.

"I'm not there anymore, am I?" All he does is shake his head, you know he wants to cry. "How long has it been? Without me, I mean." He shudders again, grabbing your shirt and clenching it. "Six years. It was-" you stop him, "And you still love me?" Again, he just nods. "Then why do you want to get rid of me?" Now the flood gates open, while you just stand there as his support. "Because if I don't love you, then I won't hurt anymore. Please, please I can't do this anymore. I can't live without you."

You push him off you. "No. No I won't do it, you senile old man. Over my dead body." His eyes hold so much pain, so much fear, you know what he really wants, is to get rid of the pain and have you back. "I won't mess with time. And I won't break the heart of the man I love. Not because he's become a wuss in his old age." This causes him to laugh, he misses that spark so much. "I love you, Indy. Please don't grow cold because of it." Your words strike him, deeper than any bullet, whip or knife. Is this really how he wants to spend his last moments with you?

He laughs again, and pulls you close, placing a kiss on your forehead. "Don't ever change. And keep that reckless boy in check." You laugh, and wrap your arms around him. You still can't make your arms all the way around him. "I will, you know that. And I love you, I hope you know that too."

[omentranslates]

Owari no Seraph volume 32 author's afterword english fan translation

Howdy, the long awaited afterword is here. I say as if my volume didn't arrive literally 2 hrs ago. Anyways, thanks for working with me.

Also I included the volume comments this time XP and I translated the back promotional page too just bc I haven't seen anyone else post it yet?? But I don't pay super close attention to the teasers usually so don't come for me if it's just the same text as the last few.

"Afterword

Wow, this is it, the climax! Writing it gets as lonely as it is fun, and it's as fun as it gets lonely, among other things! To everyone who's followed along this long, I'm truly grateful.

From here on out, I'm going to have a new editor. Owari no Seraph has thus far been blessed with nothing but the best and brightest in editors, all full of motivation. From Hosono-san (the sharpest blade in Shueisha) to Kosuge-san (the industry's top Nice Guy) to Kasai-san (who played it straight but turned out to be a total weirdo). And now, exploding onto the scene to take the baton from those three absolute characters, and his name issssss.......Okuyama-saaaaaannnn!!!!!

Now, this new guy in charge is truly amazing, he's got enough motivation to take me aback! He goes, "Kagami-san! We could have the whole world!! Nono, the whole universe!!! From now on just leave it all to meeeeee!!!! There's no doubt we'll do great things together, so just leave it all to me okayyyyyy!!!!" He's been yelling like that since we first met. He brought so much of that heat to the venue we were going to have our first meeting over dinner at and we ended up getting chased out and banned from coming back! It ended up being a whole incident, we really started off with a bang.....is what I'd like to put here, but I'm actually working on this afterword before that aforementioned meeting so I decided to just write my heart. The truth is that we actually haven't met yet! (Say what?)

Everyone, look forward to the next volume, where I tell you all how our introductions went! The one I'm writing now will actually probably pass through my new editor Okuyama-san's hands before we do meet, so I'm kinda scared about how that's gonna go, I'm like shaking (lol). But I'll definitely have a story to tell for next afterword! So on that note, I hope to see you all here again next volume, for those who just wanted to be done reading before it gets deep, I'll say goodbye to you here. I'll see you all next volume!!!!!

So, then, about myself recently. I put to rest some things that have been bothering me as a creator for sooo many years. Yayyyyy!! Wondering how I'm going to live and who I should become. As I'm facing up my works, and also my experiences as a person, as I'm experiencing the lives and deaths of those precious to me, what does it make of me? My characters grow up, am I working hard enough to keep up with them? I suddenly feel like I'm approaching my answers. And wow, what a ride it's been. What a ride being a creator is.

There was a time I was writing so many projects, but I've been rather spending my days studying since encountering those worrisome thoughts. But I've finished my studies and at long last arrived at just being thankful. It took a lot out of me to get here. And having Owari no Seraph publishing monthly, I think it was something that really managed to keep me as a creative grounded through it all. Writing is what I love most of all, I've been able to realize that it's who I am. For that, I am truly grateful to everyone. Yamamoto-san, Furuya-san, every one of my readers, to those in charge here and my editorial staff and everyone else who associates with me and every member of my family, I'm deeply thankful for the one of a kind, precious ties that bring us together in this world.

Which is all to say, I've returned to my extremely prolific writing habits, so I'll be glad if you all read what I've got to say!!!

Huh, I guess that wasn't too heavy afterall. Anyways, everyone, I'll see you next volume! Oh, and the finale of "Densetsu no Yuusha no Densetsu" is also happening after six long years. If any of you have ever read it, I hope you enjoy that too!

So then, see you in volume 33!!!!

Kagami Takaya"

Kagami Sensei's volume comment: "I'm writing so much! Back to the drafts!"

Yamamoto Sensei's volume comment: "We've reached volume 32. Yuuichirou and Mikaela, the Shinoa Squad, Ferid and Crowley, a lot of different stories have really taken off. I hope you're all excited!"

Promo page in the back (text only):

"On the move to make their own dreams come true...

All of these different stories speeding up towards the final battle!?"

The next volume is planned for October 2024

[eurydicees]

YOU WROTE 18K BY HAND?? i am so impressed i need to ask what you are writing about. holy shit u are like a god

oh my god ok THANK YOU for asking !!! also in the time since you asked this, i have written another 1,400 words by hand. Anyways. under the cut bc this got. too long.

so this was originally for the 50k big bang project, but it was cancelled so i'm gonna go ahead and talk about it publicly now. SO.

the sparknotes summary: it is an iwaoi post-canon coming of age relationship study !! it's about iwaizumi in california and oikawa in argentina and how they navigate their friendship while long distance. it quite literally walks through every step of their journey from graduation aoba johsai to meeting again at the 2020 olympics....the sheer amount of time i'm covering is why its currently ~88,000 words LMAO.

this fic is literally my little monster. it was supposed to be 30k. then it was supposed to be 50k MAX. it is now 88 thousand words long. anyways though i'm enjoying it.

it's a slow burn get together, but it's also a break up & make up fic. the idea is that they dated in high school and then had to break up bc of the distance--but i think they're probably going to get together in the end. the middle is a whole lot of them growing up and figuring out how they can have a healthy friendship even as adults and dealing with loneliness and adulthood on their own and really coming into themselves as people by the time that they get to the olympics.

i just finished parts two and three, which is iwaizumi's years at university. here are some BANGER lines, if i do say so myself:

after oikawa's visit to california, when he has to leave again:

Oikawa smiles at him, and with that, he takes the handle of his suitcase and walks into the airport. Farther and farther and farther away, until he’s disappeared from sight and Iwaizumi is standing alone again, next to the blinking red hazard lights and the sound of other cars’ wheels on cracked concrete.  He gets back into the car. He doesn’t really want to talk to Rich right now, or any one of his other friends or teammates. He kind of just wants to be alone.  So he turns off the hazard lights and puts the car in drive and then he takes the long way home.

when iwaizumi is talking to his friends about oikawa:

“It’s not a big deal,” he tries. “We’ve both moved on. It wouldn’t have lasted while we’re in different countries anyway.”  He does not mention that Oikawa had asked him to wait. He does not mention that he is—he is waiting, and he doesn’t plan on stopping. He doesn’t plan on breaking that promise to come home.  “Ah,” Em says, subdued.

during a drunken NYE call:

Iwaizumi can hear the flinch in Oikawa’s voice. “You miss me?”  “I’m not saying it again,” Iwaizumi says, and it sounds like it’s supposed to be angry, but it just comes out tired and sad. “Of fucking course I do. You’re—” “I’m what?”  Iwaizumi takes a shuddering breath. “You’re so far away, Tooru. You’re so far away and it makes me—fuck, fuck! I shouldn’t have called. I should—” “No!” Oikawa says it instantly, desperately, cutting off any idea that Iwaizumi should go. Which is good because as much as Iwaizumi wants to escape the embarrassment of this phone call, he doesn’t actually want to hang up. He doesn’t actually want to leave Oikawa now. “Stay. Please. Stay with me.”  Iwaizumi pauses for a moment, swallowing down Oikawa’s words and turning them over in his head before saying anything else. “Okay. I’ll stay.” 

anywayssssssss!!! it's been REALLY fun to write, but it's also like. an insane labor of love. this fic was my project for nanowrimo july of LAST YEAR, and it's my project again this year. isn't that crazy. so so so much has gone into this fic its literally driving me up the wall. it haunts my every waking moment and also my dreams.

but yeah i don't have wifi where i'm living for the summer, so i've been writing everything by hand and then typing it all up when i can use a hotspot on my phone. i also have the most amount of free time in my life than i have , like, EVER had in my non-child life. so i get to spend so much time writing, which has been sooooo fun. i am begging the universe to keep me from being burnt out bc i'm genuinely having the time of my life working on this.

ok phone's about to die gotta go. thank you for asking i want to talk about this SO bad. please feel free to ask me. please enable me i'm begging you

[poisoned-pearls]

Are Viv & Emil fluent in french/german(??) I imagine they would be because Rook would be such a doting dad making sure they understand it-- but I also imagine during Rooks lessons Vil often needs to remind them to stay on task because in my mind Rook isn't necessarily easily distracted but he does get carried away easily lol also I've seen Vil knowing german but I dont know if thats canon in the game but I do know schoenheit is a german name lol

Viv and Emil are fluent in French, English (as the default universal language bc it is my first language) and Swahili actually! They’re conversational in German

I ADORE the idea that rook is half beastmen, just with dormant/non visible beast parts (fennec fox mother-) , and since he’s from the savanna, they know Swahili from the summers they’d spend with their grandparents.

Rook has spoken to them in French since they were born (like full blown French-French since they were babies. Not just like random French addins full sentences and paragraphs) so it’s just kinda apart of their lives. Emil uses a bit more random French sentences but it’s much more like mumbling under his breath. His way of coping

they both don’t normally have an accent tho. They DO however say all of the borrowed words correctly. Like lowkey pretentious dude saying “croissant” way to correct in the middle of English sentence. Rook would yell at them for saying ANY French word with an english accent. They’re HIS kids and he will be DAMNED if they ever say char-cute-er-E or cro-sant. (Those are the only example words I can think of rn)

It did take Viv and Faraja two years of knowing each other to figure out they both speak Swahili, BUT Faraja has been aware of Viv being 1/4th beastmen since their first month of school.

(Also the bang incident happened their second month of their second year. Someone had cut the front pieces of her hair shorter than the others accidentally, so in a late night haze fueled by the older ignihyde dorm leaders positive renforcement and too much class work, she cut her own bangs. She does vaguely understand how to trim her own hair, but not a big chop. Her bags end up barely being longer than an inch. So now she is HEAVILY panicking bc she was abt to get her ass chewed out by Vil bc she Had an Interview for her new album the next day. One very panicked call ever Faraja is coming over with a silk handkerchief. She folds it and uses it as a headband to pull the bangs back and hidden away. She wears a headband for the rest of the year bc her hair grows excruciatingly slowly)

[jamzandbamz]

For you guys 💗💗 Vibes were like... a hot summer day energy, but with a bit of a cool breeze, too 😂 Kind of wobbly, like he's been in another world mentally, angry but also friendly, wiped-out, sore from Murph workout, still himself, generally open 😆

-He talked for 12 min without realizing it wasn't on, said "ohhhh my God, ohh my f'n God, I been doin, I been on here for...it's not funny guys...now I'm starting off mad." Def got very angry lol, banged the table a few times 💣 😂

‐Top Q was about patreon, overall acknowledged they've been slacking, mentioned failed vids in particular, not quitting patreon, said he thinks they overpriced it in the beginning, went into this blind last year, said "everyone in here I need to treat like equals (referred to godfather sitch)," gave an actual apology, said he appreciates everyone

- (detailed if you want it) Deleted his Murph workout ig pic bc a female friend (of Mike's) texted Mike about it, he screenshotted the convo, and sent it to Jeff. Her text was, "Oh what does this guy do, just work out all the time?" Jeff said in the live, "I dont want to be like that, I'm not doing this to make ppl feel like shit, I'm doing it bc I'm mentally ill and I hope that I can motivate ppl." Deleted the pic last night. Later added that he was insecure about it so deleted

**Said he was with a "friend" earlier today who asked him "what the goal is" in his life, "why do you work so hard to where you never have a personal life?" Later was like, "then SHE SAID---" He immediately acknowledged he was "admitting it's a girl," so chances are this is Georgie today. (his answer was: legacy, influence, helping ppl, having a positive impact on the world 🌎)

-"I don't have a gf if that's what you're asking, I'm seeing a girl, she's got me in a hold (or hole?), she has mind control over me" (I wouldn't read into this too much, she's not doing anything, he just really has fallen for her, early, like we already knew, like a lot of guys do it seems)

-Asked if he's "in love" now: detached/sarcastic vibe: "I'm in love with all of you" "I'm in love with my own self"

-Went to "Laguna bc a lot of shit was -" then got cut off by a Q (arghhhh lol)!!! Breezed through a later Q about what was bothering him before Laguna (said "um" then replied to something else, not mad tho, energy was open/maybe he didn't want to say)

-a mental health Q, his response: "rough times over past two weeks, idgaf about skin cancer, they'll cut it off, go in with lasers and burn in off, I've done 10 surgeries in the past year and a half"

-In Laguna, found out about Ray Liotta, teared up after it set in, growing up he felt like he wanted to be him (like his movie roles) cried bc this he had such an effect on his life 😥

----- Other non-essential items: 😂

-Looking at locations for studio space to start shooting the shop in there! A "fantasy factory," front will be a storefront, have a functioning barbershop on set, thry msy build another podcast set, build others up (maybe) like Steven and Kyle. He'll take a cut ✂️ (hehe) ofc 😂

-Trying to find a place for LA meet up, more of a live pod/show

-They lost the memory card/footage from the wedding and after that day, Jeff is understanding (accident)

-New items: VINNIE ep in 2 weeks or less, did do a vid on the failed miami vid (ooh)

-Said he used to be insecure about his feet, used to jam them into shoes to make them fit 😆

-Said some if his fave content to make is doing these live streams 🔮, apologized again for the beginning, said "I hope you dont hate me"

[fluffi]

i think it was because god's menu was released around the same bp and svt made their comebacks. same thoughts tho on gm > bd and i was also glad that bd got the wins gm didn't. and same with the streaming mvs while studying : ] ahh, the easily distracted people we are. (reading cut and litol font bc poor ppl who see this on the dash TT)

i've heard chinese ballads (usually osts of films and from a chinese friend) and their songs really tend to tug on my heartstrings. i hope sm gives shotaro more stuff to do soon :[ with some of the units being active and sungchan being an mc on a weekly show, it makes me wonder what he's doing. do you think nct will form a new subunit?

no, i'm not lactose intolerant so it really took me by surprise. it was a one-time thing. hopefully it doesn't happen again. i can't really say i'm a big fan of ice cream but it's good occasionally yk as a treat to yourself. and ahhh, i miss drinking smoothies. my favorite stall has been closed for nearly two years now, idk if they ever re-opened since our city mall burned down :[

i think it's an nct thing? it's why i never get tired of them bc they're always active in a way. you should've seen how things went down last year! march 127 album, april dream mini-album, may 127 repackage, june wayv album and the whole nct 2020 thing. it was a wild year. about the track, i listened to it once and forgot about it. might give it a few more listens but it might not grow on me at all. yes! wasn't a big fan of hot sauce at first too bc i thought the intro was weird (not jaemin's part, like the first thing that plays). and yes, that hook loops in my head 24/7. i even made it my instagram bio.

stray kids world domination indeed! and i agree that their performances were really impressive (specially the deadpool one, best one yet) but sometimes i would fancy ateez' more. i didn't watch kingdom too bc it stressed me out as a multi. always caught between being happy for one group and being sad for the others. and atz and tbz! you're still getting into nct and you're thinking of adding 19 more boys! judging from what i know your taste in music is, i think you'll like tbz's music better since there are a lot more soft songs there than in atz. but do give both discographies a listen in the future!

oh izone! i've only heard of them at music shows and dance choreo compilations bc of them being in sync. they're really satisfying to watch! i thought their title tracks were catchy as well! quite unfortunate that i never got into them really. but again, i dont think i can handle stanning temporary groups.

i'm starting to see a pattern in your biases :D i wouldn't be too surprised if you'll be drawn to jeno at some point in your dream venture. dream is soooo easy to love so if you really end up ulting them, i would understand why. and also, YES PLEASE WRITE FOR DREAM AND TAG ME IF YOU WILL. THANK YOU ><

thank you! :c don't get your hopes up tho, the masterlist must've been interesting to browse but are the fics truly worth it? XD i think not. since you already know koe, i'm reccing users @/rouiyan, @/nsheetee and @/loonacitys. i don't have that much fluff in my ficrecs blog. i think, i've heard of lvdsc before (maybe even read a fic or two) but i can't find their blog now. be careful in privating your works, you might end up losing them forever if you don't keep track of their links...(?) that's what happened to the works that i privated :/ take me with you if you move blogs ;n;

seungmin frequently left updates abt what he was doing, left good nights and good mornings, the occasional i miss you. he called fans 'baby' once. not sure if it was a mistranslation, or really just a one-time endearment. other than that, nothing beyond the usual. seung vlives always make me cry ;n; he always look so adorable and precious. also the gif, the fic was more on fake head-butting really but yes you could say it was also a fake nose boop bc it sounds cuter. i'll make sure to tag you on future seung content on the dash. (time to officially claim him as your ult, yes. dont make him secret anymore :3)

sorry it took me a while. tumblr went batshit. the ' werkl;' stopped working midway and i got busy with school yesterday. also haechan birth today and i'm so emo abt it. it's literally just a boy turning 21.

little font and cut saga lets go!!

(just kidding, i cant do little font typing for long periods of time, makes my eyes go beserk haha.)

true true, im afraid for txt on music shows now because theyre going against some big names (literally bts like whatj jsdf what was hybe thinking). yeah, streaming mvs while studying aka watching mvs on loop lmao. i still want to stream skzs final kingdom performance on instinct but i remember that theyve already won!! hehe

ah chinese ballads always make me emo, i like to scream out lyrics to the songs at the top of my lungs and sit there on the verge of tears. its a cultural thing maybe *sobs*. ooh, what show is sungchan mc-ing in? ill check it out. i thought sm would make nct japan for sungtaro (i heard sungchan speaks japanese) so it was a shocker when they made...nct hollywood lmao. given the current circumstances we're probably not going to get a new subunit anytime soon :( hopefully taro will have stuff to showcase during that period of time.

burned down?? oh my, what happened to your mall? that sounds terrifying. i remember when the front of my school caught on fire and we were all ushered out but we thought it was a drill and didnt find out till years later lmao.

oh true, since theyre such a big pack too. constant comebacks and promotions haha, nctzens never catch a break with 23 members. i listened to the new track again (ive forgotten the name already) but i cant- i cant do it. its just not my style hhh. i rewatched the mv for the godly visuals though. i dont know if youre talking about that 'bibididibibidiododo' part by that female morphed voice at the beginning of the song, because i wasnt a fan of that too. it grew on me though.

same, actually! im not an atiny and dont stan any other group in the show besides skz but i watched each groups performance and ranked them haha. at times ateez would rank over skz, it was wild. also yeah, my other multi friend was freaking out about kingdom and ended up abandoning the show because she was so scared of the fanwars and having to deal with her 'conflicting feelings'. about the stanning thing, in my defense, i have a list of groups i want to stan and ive recently added tbz and atz. the list is long, i have a long way to go! also yeah, i dont prefer ateez's songs and i have a bunch of tbz title tracks in my playlist but if i approach their discography like i did with nct then i think i would like at least five songs.

izone are my queens. theres a reason why theyre the only girl group who made it to my ult list haha! super talented and filled with variety and visuals, a perfectly concocted group (literally, sobs in pd48 scandal). ah, temporary groups. yeah i cried about their disbandment for like 3 days straight, it was bad.

a pATTERN?? INTERESTING. DO ELABORATE. jeno, oh my gosh hes like bang chan. an intimidating-looking bear whos actually filled with love and softness on the inside. im currently having a jaemin run though, his make a wish fancam is doing some wacky things. also yeah, dream is really easy to love. i fell for them so hard, theyre all talented and cute and adorable and the team ambiance is so nice. really rising up my stan list now. i mightt write for dream! ill have to see, hehe.

personally i think the fics are going to be worth it. i can feel it in my boOOnes. ooh, recommendations! fun :D ill check them (and yours) out after i finish this 30k jisung fic. ive been trying to finish it since yesterday but i keep getting sidetracked. also, i made a mistake. its luvdsc with a 'u', maybe thats why you couldnt find it? ahh. thank you for the privating tip though! will keep in mind. and of course ill take you with me if/when i move blogs. we're friends now! <3

SEUNGMIN CALLED STAYS 'BABY'???!!@)(@#*()! I SHOULDVE BEEN THERE ASKDFJDF. im exciting for the fake nose boop drabble!! i love soft couple moments hehe. also yeah maybe its time to make him my ult...hes going to have to compete against jake my beloved ope.

dont worry about being 'late' or anything! we all have our own stuff to do. also yeah tumblr is weird asf sometimes. if you havent realized i typically answer longer asks around the same time everyday, when i get to sit in front of my computer and pull out my clickity-clackity keyboard. super relaxing.

AND YES HYUCKIE DAY!!! HES SO ADORABLE HONESTLY. im in love with all seven members of dream, my fic rec blog is currently filled with fics for them haha.

[ciutae]

The group I dropped bts for was nct fjdjjd i remember yt would keep recommending me "new heroes" by ten for days so i thought "ok I'll listen to it" and I almost cried lmaoo then I got to know all of the members and I fell in love ): also I've been doing good, school is boring and stressful so that's fun lol, there's nothing interesting happening and my class won't b going on a class trip to make the year more fun bc of what happened last year, idk if u remember fjdjjd btw how's uni? -dead anon

Anonymous said: So far nothing new happened in my life fjdjjd I cut my hair pretty short before summer, now I kinda want bangs but im still not sure, oh and this is probably a weird thing to be excited over but im gonna get braces in December (I hope) what im not excited for is getting my wisdom teeth removed (: when I found out that all 4 of them will be removed I thought tht I will cry in front of the doctors akdjsjs I was seconds away from bursting into tears lmao -dead anon p.s your blog isnt shit ):

hjbvdfhjnbgh i knew it!! there was a wave of mutuals and people i follow who just transitioned into nct sfjkgn it was funny. on noo no class trip but also thank god (hsdjkg yes i remember, irresponsible times lmao). uni is uhh ok i guess? doing a lot of interesting stuff and also started studying in groups instead of solo and realized it helps SO MUCH, the stuff stucks in your brain better. and omg! how short is ur hair now pls! i think im cutting my hair this wednesday cause its falling out and the ends are like…..u dont wanna know 😨

im happy for you that ur getting braces!! watch out for them straightass teeth when u take them out, and sAME i was just casually looking at my teeth in the mirror and realized…I GOT 4 EXTRA TEETH GROWING and like i thought wisdom teeth appear when ur younger but like im 19 and theyre just coming out like..ok so idk if i have to take them out later or not but i believe in you bub u can do this take the motherfuckers out u got this!💗💫💝

[bug-in-a-porchlight]

yep. when i was 5 i watched my mother sob in a parking lot bc a nurse didn't like her for being a single mom and convinced a doctor that the tumor in her hand was something else despite a previous doctor saying it was not that. they wouldn't give her the surgery she needed. she still has the goddamn tumor in her hand because just leaving it there was better than getting another surgery that wasn't the one she needed and losing more mobility in her hand (she had tried to have it removed before a few times, starting in her teens). i have had chronic pain and alarmingly frequent injuries since toddlerhood, with a consistent family history of the same symptoms, and am just now, at age 15, being tested for a genetic disorder.

and you know what they told my mom, year after year, when she brought her child in to the doctors begging them to do something, brought them her 3 year old who woke up at night crying that their legs hurt, brought them her 6 year old who would bruise from the slightest bump, brought them her 8 year old with ankles that kept getting "sprains" that required them to be clicked back into place and never fully healed, brought them her 9 year old who could barely stand for months because they banged their knee, all symptoms my mom had also had as a child to a lesser degree? do you think those male, well educated, upper or upper middle class men listened to a poor, young mother with 2 children from 2 different men and a history of mental illness?

fuck no.

they told us it was growing pains. they said i was just sensitive. they said i was trying to get out of gym, they said all children sprain their ankles a lot. and oh look, they've got some behavioral issues too, that line up with asd and have been noticeable since infancy, but they can tell us what a smile means so it can't be that. have you tried being firmer with them, have you tried more discipline?

y'know, my nana had problems with the american healthcare system a well. another single, poor mother of course. the 90's "welfare queen" propaganda panic made it hard for her to get medicade, and the shame that it spawned made it hard to try. she developed osteoporosis (coincidentally fairly common in older people with my probable genetic disorder) very young, and dealt with horrific, disabling pain for years without assistance. and guess what she turned to to cope with it, during the height of the opioid crisis?

i lived with my nana while she was dying, i saw how much pain she was in. pain that could have been avoided by earlier treatment. i loved my nana, she looked after me while my mom was at work everyday. losing her was like losing a mother, and i never even knew the woman my mother knew when she was very young, who used to pack her nice lunches everyday and painstakingly cut out pictures from magazines for my mom to make paper dolls out of. that woman was stolen by mostly preventable pain

and now, as a chronically ill teen, i'm told to trust this system. i'm told they have my best interests in mind, i'm told i should be grateful.

i'm not.

i watched the healthcare system take a maternal figure from me, and hurt another. i've felt it hurt me. i see my baby sister, the person i care about most in the world, feeling the same things. being told the same things. it's growing pains, it's anxiety, you'll get over it. a week ago, she popped my dislocated shoulder back into place for me and i joked to my mother that it's good practice for when she has to do it for herself. but it isn't really a joke. she most likely will have to do that. she has half the same genetics i do, and many of the same symptoms. she is 9 years old.

almost everyone is negatively effected by the medical system's abuse and neglect at some point. but growing up in a family of chronically ill people gives you a unique view on it. there is as much a family history of maltreatment as there is of the symptoms themselves. and there is no justice for 9 year old girls who learn to relocate shoulders like they learn basic household chores.

Also do not assume my case of medical neglect and abuse is special or unusually bad. This is just literally how 90% of chronically ill and disabled people in the UK get treated by our medical system