#bc i started monster a few months ago but ive been thinking of getting the physical vols maybe but theyre huge
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theres sm i wanna do and i have the time but im also tired and overwhelmed and losing my mind
#i have so many books to read and friendship bracelets to make and a crotchet project to finish#and i want to finish hxh soon and maybe pick up the manga but i also have like 3 other mangas to read#bc i started monster a few months ago but ive been thinking of getting the physical vols maybe but theyre huge#and i wanna start homunculus and goodnight pun pun too#and again i have all the time!! bc im not doing anything#but that makes this even more overwhelming and i end up barely getting anything done#oh and im almost done with a sketchbook that ive been super slow to fill#it took me over a year and its not very big just the size i usually go for#and i tend to finish them on around 9 months#but i just#didnt make any art in the fall/winter for some reason#its just a few pages now so i should finish on monday or sth#oh and i wanted to pick up yoga again but im lazy and tired <333#📓
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Also. Its like still in the planning phase and isnt coming anytime soon but when Kira and I do the Leaderonpa Au (working title), we're exclusively doing it here. Ive been eagerly and happily following the Neoronpa au on twt but the past few fucking days have been a mess. First it was the light by comparison but still disrespectful people straight up attacking admins bc they were frustrated and kept guessing wrong and falling trials which,,,,yall can voice concerns and give constructive criticisms, that wasnt the problem, but people were being outright fucking rude bc they wanna act like they didnt know how to read the rules on how the game would be conducted.
Then. The Syk accounts decided they wanted to show up.
⚠️⚠️⚠️TW FOR BRIEF MENTIONS OF GORE, SUICIDE BAITING, AND SELF HARM⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
Out of fucking nOWHERE, towards the end of the game, suddenly the Syk accounts (who yall may remember people warning you about a few months ago, its a weird bunch of fucking freaks who like to splice really graphic images of self harm or gore into fancams and drop them under any and everything to set people up for trauma and panic attacks, the syk is backwards for kys and i think yall know where this is going. They're literally trying to trigger people because they're fucking monsters) started spamming replies (which people use to discuss cases and clues) with really graphic images and gifs. They literally stalked the neoronpa acc with over a dozen accounts to spam replies with this content and Im sorry but every single one of them deserve to have their fucking asses beat.
So. Without going into a full rant, i pride myself on creating a safe space to the best of my abilities and even with a murder mystery au, the appropriate tags and such are always going to be involved, but im not gonna risk our readers, our friends getting triggered by these nasty ass people. So bringing our interactive au to Twitter is out of the question.
Kira and I have no idea when we'll be bringing this au to you, but when we do, it'll exclusively be on tumblr, where we can at least curate things better and there's less of a chance of people running into that sick shit.
Thank you.
#fucking go to therapy or something I can't stand people who use their own trauma or sadness to fucking hurt people#a lot of them seem to be teens which is worrying even more but thats still no excuse to seek out graphic content#or create graphic content with the sole purpose of triggering people#literally fuck yall#fie vents#tw gore mention#tw suicide baiting#tw self harm mention#tw self harm
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Halloween party, cold, and bonfire?
Anonymous said: Bonfire
from autumn fic meme here: 8. Halloween Party + 37. Cold + 23. Bonfire
for this i was thinking that college au might be fun, especially bc ive had this art on the mind for a week....hehe
—————————————————————
“Well, well, well,” a short Godzilla says across the cider bowl from Hermann, his hands—well, claws—on his hips. “What’s a guy like you doing somewhere like this, Gottlieb?”
Hermann freezes, ladle in hand. “I’m sorry,” he says, “do I know you?” Hermann does not generally make a habit of associating with people who attend parties in obnoxious felt Godzilla costumes. Clearly homemade ones, at that.
The Godzilla struggles with his mask for a few seconds before finally ripping it off with a triumphant crow. And, of course—the red-faced, sweaty, messy-haired boy beneath it is none other than Newton Geiszler, who is exactly the sort of person who would attend a party in an obnoxious felt Godzilla costume, and who Hermann, begrudgingly, associates with, on account of being his assigned lab partner. “Oh,” Hermann says. His mouth twists down automatically. His fingers tighten on the ladle. “Hello, Newton.” He didn’t know Newton would be coming. In fairness—Hermann didn’t know that he himself would be coming, either, until about forty-five minutes ago.
Newton adjusts his fogged-up glasses and grins. “Seriously, what are you doing here?” he says.
“I was invited,” Hermann says, spooning cider into his cup and determined to keep a level head: most of his interactions with Newton tend to erupt in violent arguments. Usually through no fault of Hermann’s own. Usually. He’d rather that not happen in the home of a complete stranger, and well past midnight, at that. “I don’t know if I can say the same for you—”
“Ha-ha,” Newton says. “That’s not what I—wait, hand me the ladle, don’t be a dick—not what I meant. I thought you hated this kind of shit. Loud music, and people, and socializing—”
Hermann narrows his eyes and takes a sip of his hot cider; immediately, he starts coughing it back up. He expected it to be spiked, but not spiked this much. It tastes as if there’s an entire bottle of butterscotch schnapps in there. There probably is. “That’s strong,” he wheezes.
“It sure it,” Newton says, and grins wider. After a brief struggle with the cider (because, as Hermann imagines, it’s difficult to do anything with the moronic gloves he’s wearing) downs all of his glass and goes back in for another. “I made it myself. Who invited you to a party?”
Apparently the conversation isn’t over yet. “Tendo Choi,” Hermann says, still wheezing, “from, ah, computer science.”
“No shit!” Newton crows. “You know Tendo?” Hermann nods. “We were in a band together, you know, freshman year, with some other guys. And a little bit of junior year. And this past summer.” He coughs. “We had an, uh, hard time sticking together as a group. Musicians, you know, very—temperamental.”
“Mm,” Hermann says, sure it has nothing whatsoever to do with Newton’s personality, nor the quality of the band itself, which Hermann can’t help but assume was very, very low. He’s not surprised of its existence, at least; Newton is the sort who walks around campus with his guitar slung over his back, just waiting for the excuse to whip it out and torture innocent bystanders with half a dozen Violent Femmes covers. “Well, Newton, if that’s all—”
Hermann ducks around the table to make his way to the glass slider. Beyond it lies the expansive backyard, decorated with strings of skeleton garland and paper ghosts from oak tree to oak tree, illuminated only by orange and purple lanterns, and promising a bonfire with significantly fewer people than there are crammed into this basement. Most importantly, it promises freedom: no Newton Geiszler. Hermann will put up with the October chill if it means no Newton Geiszler.
Newton (perpetually unable to take a hint) trails after him anyway. “What’s your costume supposed to be?” he says.
“I’m Alan Turing,” Hermann offers, weakly, because it was a very last minute costume and the only thing he’d been able to think of.
“You’re so lame,” Newton says, “you totally—” and then proceeds to get his tail caught in the slider. He jerks backwards; his drink sloshes to the patio. “Fuck!”
Hermann can’t contain his snort. “King of the Monsters indeed.”
“Yeah, okay, funny,” Newton says. He gives a fruitless wobble. “You’re a regular comedian. Shut up and help me, jackass.”
Still snickering under his breath, Hermann tucks his cane under his arm and gives a great tug on the front of the Godzilla costume. Newton stumbles forward. “Thanks,” he says, and resumes waddling at Hermann’s side, to Hermann’s disappointment. “Anyway—lame. You totally just pulled that out of your closet. I’ve seen you wear that sweater three times this month.”
“You must pay very close attention to me to have noticed that,” Hermann says. “One might even say you’re obsessed with me.”
“As if,” Newton scoffs. “I just can’t help it, you know, everything you wear is just so ugly. Total eyesore. It’s all permanently seared into my retinas. Jesus,” he waddles faster, tail flopping comically behind him, leaves crunching loudly under his giant costume boots, “slow down, will you? I can’t move in this thing.” He huffs out a breath. “Sweating like a bitch, too. It smells like a fucking locker room in here.”
Hermann wrinkles his nose; Newton is so endlessly charming. “Are you going to follow me around all night?” he says.
“I might,” Newton says. “I don’t have any friends—”
“No surprise there.”
“—here. I don’t have any friends here, and you’re better than nothing,” Newton corrects. He sticks his tongue out. “You’re such a jerk, Gottlieb.”
Privately, Hermann wonders why Newton bothered coming to a party he knew none of his friends would attend in the first place, but he supposes it’s hypocritical of him. He doesn’t have any friends here either, after all. He doesn’t even know the host. Tendo Choi invited him—strong-armed him into attending, really, into relaxing for a single night—and yet Hermann hasn’t seen a single perfectly-coiffed hair of his head all night. “Just promise me you won’t be a nuisance,” Hermann says. It’s better than nothing, as Newton said.
Newton is a nuisance. They find a small bench in a deserted corner of the bonfire, and Newton—after a little trouble fitting onto it, with his ridiculous costume tail—talks to Hermann incessantly about every single thought that crosses his mind: where he bought the cider, how much he hates the music blasting through the speakers in the house, how long it took to make his costume, the weather, whether or not Hermann has Halloween plans. “I kinda miss trick-or-treating,” Newton says. “Why is it so weird for adults to do it, anyway? It’s free candy. You don’t just stop liking candy once you finish puberty.”
“Mm,” Hermann says.
“I bet if I wore this everyone would think I’m a kid,” Newton says. “I could get as much free candy as I wanted. One of my neighbors used to actually give out toothbrushes when I was, like, twelve, can you believe it? I thought that only happened in dumb books. I don’t know why he did it, that shit was probably way more expensive than a bag of fucking candy corn. He wasn’t even a dentist.”
“Mm,” Hermann says again. The loud snap of one of the logs in the bonfire finally cracking in half; a chilly breeze rustles the red-orange-yellow leaves of the oak trees, the garland, the ends of Hermann’s hair, and, instinctively, Hermann shrinks in on himself with a shiver. He wishes he hadn’t forgone his warm parka for the sake of his costume.
Newton’s eyebrows knit together with concern. “Are you okay?” he says.
“Yes,” Hermann says. He does up the two buttons of his blazer and wraps his hands around his cup of cider, which, though well beyond lukewarm, is managing to give off just a bit of heat. Enough to keep Hermann’s fingers from stiffening up. “Er—just cold.”
“I have a sweatshirt inside, if you wanna borrow—”
“No,” Hermann says quickly. “It’s fine. Really.”
Newton stares at him. Then, without warning, he’s suddenly closing the wide gap between them and flinging an arm (soft, thanks to his fuzzy costume, warm, strong) around Hermann’s shoulders. Hermann’s shivering stops at once; his ears go hot; his body goes rigid. “Newton,” he stammers. “You—ah—you don’t have to—”
“Shut up,” Newton says. His breath smells like apple cider, the schnapps he spiked it with, candy he undoubtedly grabbed in handfuls from the cheap plastic pumpkin head on the buffet table. This close, even in the low flicker of the fire, Hermann can see that his nose and cheeks are dusted with freckles he’s never noticed before. (He’s never been this close to Newton before.) “And just—take that stick out of your ass a little. I don’t have cooties.”
There’d been a small bubble of warmth building in Hermann’s chest, just below his sternum, threatening to rise and burst from Hermann’s mouth in the form of something mortifying like I only pretend to hate you because I’m very, very fond of you, but Newton manages to successfully squash it and grind it under his heel into the dirt with that single jab. Hermann scowls. “And I don’t have a stick up my arse,” he snaps.
“Arse,” Newton parrots back in the worst faux-posh English accent Hermann has ever heard. “You know that’s the least sexy word ever, right?”
“I’m not trying to be sexy.”
“Oh, and you’re succeeding,” Newton says, “with flying colors.”
“I can’t stand you,” Hermann growls, and then he kisses Newton.
He does it mostly to shut Newton up—and, yes, he’s been gazing at those soft lips all night and wondering what it would be like, because Newton can’t seem to stop biting and licking them every bloody second, yes, he’s been wanting to take Newton’s smug, gorgeous little face in his hands and knock him down a peg since the very first lab they had to work together—but after Newton’s muffled exclamation of surprise becomes a very enthusiastic hum, after his mouth parts open eagerly, Hermann keeps going. He can taste the cider, the candy. He can feel Newton’s fingers sliding through his hair—
Newton’s claws sliding through his hair. “Newton,” Hermann says, making a face as he pulls away. “Are you still wearing your gloves?”
“Oops,” Newton says, dazed, wide-eyed, glasses dangling off his nose. “Am I?” He is: he looks between his hands, just as dazed, as if he’s forgotten that he’s wearing a costume and doesn’t typically have large green monster paws, and then he breaks out into giggles. “I am. Wow. Sorry. I—you kissed me!”
“I did,” Hermann says. He plucks at one of the gloves. “Now take these off. I don’t want you clawing my scalp up.” They’re truthfully nowhere near sharp enough to, but Hermann can’t say he enjoys the sensation of them regardless. Newton has strong hands with strong fingers he’d much rather feel.
“What,” Newton says, and grins and waggles the claws of one hand, “you don’t want to pretend you’re macking on some sexy monster?”
"Newton,” Hermann says, “if you want to ever kiss me again, you will take those damned things off now.”
“Fine. Grumpy.”
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Tagged by @frozenmemories1987
So I don’t really understand how this one works, so I’m just gonna answer all the questions and number them consecutively. Upfront I’m gonna say that I’m not tagging anyone, but as always, if you wish to do it, consider yourself tagged. Also, this is going under a read more. Save the thumbs of any mobile users
01. What was the last movie you watched in theaters?
It’s been months, so I can’t remember, sorry
02. What’s your favorite game to play?
Currently it’s Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 2. I hadn’t played it since I got it (and beat it all in one go), and I forgot just how much I love this game. It’s like Pokémon meets Dragon Quest, and it’s amazing. On the one hand, making a team entirely of dragons might be a bad idea, but on the other hand, I freaking love dragons. I should probably synth one with a healing skillset if I’m gonna do that - possibly Cure-all since that’s got Multiheal. My current party is a Lv 20 great argon lizard named Rory, a Lv 24 slime stack with Cure-all named Sticker, and a Lv 19 aquestrian gladiator with Huntsman named Mizuno. When I leave them to their own devices, Mizuno really loves using Penny Pincher, which tbh I cannot fault him for - normal damage plus the chance to pinch a few gold coins? Heck yes. At least he’s got 44 MP, so I haven’t had to change his tactics to “Don’t Use Magic” yet (the skill costs 2 MP)
03. Chocolate or vanilla?
Chocolate
04. What’s the last show you binge-watched?
NUMB3RS (though I’m still working on that one)
05. Do you have any pets?
No
06. What’s your favorite fairy tale?
I dunno. I don’t actually read very many fairy tales
07. Who’s your favorite superhero?
Superhero stuff doesn’t normally appeal to me, but I do like Cisco Ramon/Vibe and Ray Palmer/The Atom from CW’s Arrowverse
08. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?
Erm, Rapunzel, I guess?
09. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after social distancing is over?
I know I’m gonna hang out with my friend like we were planning to before this started, but as for where... probably Barnes & Noble since that’s where we usually go, but who knows (I say, knowing full well that neither of us know where to go, and we go to HPB when we’re specifically looking for a book but default to B&N bc of the café and seating area)
10. Cookies or cake?
Cookies
11. What show could you watch over and over?
Monk, CSI, and Psych, to name a few
12. Favorite song lyric?
See, I have to believe that there’s more than this seems More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams And I have to be sure that there’s gonna be a cure ‘Cause, somewhere down the line, I lost that part of me that’s pure
- Where We Belong by Thriving Ivory
13. Favorite season of your favorite TV show?
S14 of CSI, probably
14. What never fails to make you smile/happy?
Seeing I’ve got a comment on AO3
15. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (coronavirus, having to do social distancing, etc.)?
My lifestyle hasn’t changed at all, though for some reason I’ve actually been getting way more crocheting and video-gaming done than usual (at the expense, of course, of less reading and writing and TV-watching. Unfortunately). But we have lost business at the doughnut shop so I haven’t been working as many days - usually I work Monday and Friday - which, on the one hand, less money, but on the other hand, I’ve gotten more rest so my bruised ribs (from coughing; I had strep about a month and a half ago, and that always leaves me with a cough for a while, though it’s never been this bad before) are mostly healed now
16. We all love new music to listen to. Name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out:
Thriving Ivory/Midnight Cinema (same band, different songwriters; Thriving Ivory is more piano-driven and leans more toward alt/alt-rock, while Midnight Cinema is more pop)
17. TV shows or movies?
TV shows
18. Favorite holiday?
Halloween
19. A song that describes you:
I’ve always related to Some Kind of Home by Thriving Ivory
20. Describe your tumblr in three words:
“hella queer animal-lover” idk
21. What’s your favorite hobby?
It depends on my mood, but rn it’s crocheting!
22. What’s your favorite book and/or a really good book you’ve read recently?
CSI: Miami: Cut and Run by Donn Cortez is amazing. I read it back in January and then reread it this month. Probably will be rereading it again before long tbh
Another really good one I’ve read recently is How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Eason. It just came out like six months ago, so the second one won’t be out any time soon, but I am ready for it when it does (more than ready, actually; I can’t wait)
23. What’s your favorite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)?
I really wish they had done something with Greg/Hodges. I mean, they had the perfect setup for it in 11.07 Bump and Grind, what with their “man-dates” (that never get mentioned again)!! Their man-dates become a regular thing that they do like every week or whatever, eventually they realize that they’re actual dates and have been for a while and they start consciously dating. Maybe Greg already knows he’s bi and is totally cool with it, maybe David’s been repressed and realizes that, oh, that’s why something’s always seemed like it was missing when he tried dating before: he’s gay.
Unsurprisingly, I have a few 11.07 fics in my WIPs
(But also, considering CSI’s track record with respecting queer people [poor], I’m kinda glad they didn’t. Woulda been nice, though, long as they'da done it right)
A ship that I’m really hoping will happen is Penelope and Schneider from One Day at a Time. I love them so much
24. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be?
I would rather meet a celebrity in passing than spend a day with them. I am far too awkward and anxious, and I’m afraid it would not be an enjoyable experience for either of us
25. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen - a movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it:
I don’t think I have any like this
26. When you read, do you prefer an eReader or an actual, physical book?
Paper books all the way, baby
27. Favorite movie?
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, probably
28. What does a normal day look like for you?
I stay in bed reading or playing games on my phone (or, more recently, on my DS) for as long as possible, dick around on here for a while whilst also trying to get at least some SwagBucks in another window, try not to forget to eat lunch, play the free money apps I have on my phone while either listening to music on my laptop or watching shows either on my laptop or the TV, try not to forget to eat dinner, watch some more TV or get some reading or gaming in, try not to stay up too late, take over an hour to fall asleep, maybe if I’m lucky get some writing done at some point during any of this (and if I’m really lucky it won’t be while I’m trying to sleep, but usually it is, damn brain)
29. Have you ever watched a show/movie for one character? If so, who?
Normally when I watch something specifically for someone, it’s for an actor I like, but I started watching CW’s The Flash specifically for Cisco Ramon (well, and Harry Wells and their relationship, but mostly Cisco) and Legends of Tomorrow specifically for Ray Palmer, whom I fell in love with in his ep on The Flash lol
30. What is your ultimate concert (musicians/bands from any period, alive or dead)?
I don’t go to concerts (they seem like they’d be very overwhelming), so, none, I guess
31. Book that you were forced to read in school that you hated the most:
God, I fucking hated To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually, I think the only one I actually liked was The Importance of Being Earnest
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"does grieving the person i am not interfere with accepting the person i am?" god this is the question ive been asking myself. i feel so acutely the pain youre talking about. i started therapy a few months ago and its like been so rough. cause i started feeling again which ik is good long run. but all im feeling is pain. and mourning my trauma. and whats that line between healthy mourning and spiraling into the depression and devastation of it? sometimes i miss the numb but ig that was worse too
also god how can you articulate my exact self so specifically? yeah. everytime someone comments on my appearance, if its my weight or lack of makeup or my clothing choices that dont fit their idea of ‘woman’ i get so mad bc its on purpose. ik its prob not the healthy response but after all my trauma and having my body taken away from me before i had words for it and then yrs later again when i knew exactly what was happening. like this is my only defense. and then im made to feel ashamed for it
and your right. cause it doesnt work. bc at the end of the day nothing we do to change our appearance will stop a monster. bc it was never about us or what we looked like. and thats validating and reassuring. but also devastating and terrifying. and how do you heal from something like that? where do we take back control in a healthy way ya know? ..ahh sorry this is my sad ramble, ignore me im sorry. shoulda just said im sending you a hug (i am if thats ok) instead of expounding in your inbox.
–
hey there friend. you don’t have to apologize for sharing your feelings with me. while it breaks my heart that other people have been through the same kinds of trauma i have, and are hurting, it also does help me feel less alone. we cannot change what happened to us, we’ll never be able to erase that. so i think one of the most important and healing things we can do for ourselves and for each other is reach out and share our experiences with people we trust, and just be there for each other, support each other, even if it’s just to listen or say “i understand how you feel.”
learning to let yourself feel again is really hard. it’s so overwhelming at first, and so painful and it can be so agonizing. but it gets easier, bit by bit. you start feeling positive things too, you start building connections with people again, or rebuilding connections with people you’ve isolated yourself from. you feel alive, and you even start to feel good sometimes. you start having good moments, happy moments, and sometimes even good days.
but it’s rough and hard work. you started therapy a few months ago, you’re still at the beginning of the recovery process, which is the hardest. i’m really glad you’re seeing a therapist. i’ve been seeing my current therapist for over two years and i would not have been able to make nearly as much progress if it had not been for her help, and the help of my friends and chosen family, and the support of all the kind and caring people i’ve met here and through my writing.
i’m not sure exactly where the line is between healthy mourning and unhealthy obsessing, but mourning is a vital part of the healing process. i think that it may be something your therapist can give you some guidance on, how to grieve in a healthy way that does not interfere with you moving forward in your recovery.
there’s a quote from rilke’s letters to a young poet that had a really big impact on me and how i think about my own trauma recovery:
“If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better. In you, dear Mr. Kappus, so much is happening now; you must be patient like someone who is sick, and confident like someone who is recovering; for perhaps you are both. And more: you are also the doctor, who has to watch over himself. But in every sickness there are many days when the doctor can do nothing but wait. And that is what you, insofar as you are your own doctor, must now do, more than anything else.”
we are patients and doctors at the same time, that is, we have to take care of ourselves to facilitate our own healing. sometimes our job is to just make it through the day. to let ourselves feel whatever we are feeling, to accept and acknowledge those feelings, because this is what enables us to let them go, and to move forward. i have learned from experience that fighting our feelings doesn’t work. trying to disallow ourselves from feeling whatever it is that we are feeling only makes things worse. we get stuck in conflict, stuck in the exact feelings we don’t want to be having. it is better to let ourselves feel, even when it is painful, even when it is confusing and unpleasant and upsetting.
try not to worry too much about whether the things you have done to protect yourself are healthy or not. they’ve helped you survive this far, and as you progress in your recovery you will learn new healthy ways to cope with your trauma, and you will let go of some of the coping mechanisms you’ve used in the past. some will always remain, and that’s ok.
i hope this is helpful or reassuring in some way. thank you for sharing your feelings with me i really do appreciate your openness and honesty. i hope you have a good day today and i wish you all the luck with your recovery. 💗💗💗
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Hey I had to reference my list of low energy/sick day activities today actually! Sometimes i just wake up with a headache that doesn't go away for a whole day regardless of hydration, nutrition or like. Asprin. And i just kinda have to rest the whole day until i can sleep it off. Which happened today and i highly suggest figuring out your own personal list of go-to things! Heres my own examples, which are pretty specific to me but hopefully i explained what would be specific to You well-
- off the bat, generally my list is just doing things i know very well- whether its rewatching movies that i know every scene from or replaying games i know like the back of my hand. If you're having trouble thinking of smth to do for a low energy/sick day, think of something youre familiar with enough to where its still enjoyable, but doesn't take as much physical or mental energy. Most of my other examples are specific to me but maybe itll get ya thinking
- i have some go-to shows and movies that i know by heart, but crucially, i know where to find them. The 2004 spongebob movie I have on dvd and i've been watching like, at least once a year basically since i was a toddler, and there's a full high quality upload of the 1996 hunchback of notre dame that i watch like a video essay when im bored. Both things i can access easily that i don't have to get like, devote all my mental energy into watching and listening bc i know what happens in them, but are still satisfying bc they're also just my 2 favorite movies of all time and just happen to usually hold up on Very frequent rewatch
- similarly, my go-to games are just games i know front to back, which looks different for everyone. I don't think most people would consider Terraria or The Binding of Isaac to be relaxing, but i know like, the routine of what to do in them so well bc i've played them so, so much. But again, theyre still enjoyable bc well. Terraria is a massive sandbox game where a lot of the fun comes from what you wanna make of it, and TBoI is a roguelike that is really quick to start up a run, everything's randomized but in a familiar way (ie if you play long enough, you know what items do what and what strategies to use), most of the gameplay is just Move and Shoot Tears at Monsters, and a run ends in usually under an hour (except ig if ur going for like. Ending of Repentance but i havent gotten there yet lmfao) bc either you win or you die and boom thats that short run
- this is again, not a super wide appeal strategy I Guess bc not everyone has dolls but lately i've found that if i need an off screen sick day thing to do is to just dress my dolls up. I've got a few rainbow high dolls and a couple monster high ooaks, and if you dont know much abt rh, most dolls come with a 2nd complete outfit, so if you have a few dolls you end up with twice as many clothes and if i need to be away from a screen, sometimes i just dress up and pose my gals w their excess of clothes
- heres an art one i do sometimes!! I draw pretty often, usually at least once a day just bc i have a lot of Thoughts amd drawing is my main way to get them out. So sometimes a day comes where im feeling sick and i want to draw but can't think of smth, i'll just find smth i drew anywhere from a few months ago to several years ago and redraw it with my current skills and style. Not only does it not take energy to try and come up with something for a subject or idea, but i also really like comparing the two and seeing how ive changed! Hell i made it a bit of a tradition to redraw one sketch i made in like january 2020 just bc i did it twice already, why not like 4 more times every few months when ive got nothing else to draw? Its not for everyone, ik a lot of ppl dont like looking through their old art but if you do heres smth ig
- also, journaling! Versatile, can be on screen (if you dont have the energy to write on paper it might be easier to type) or on paper (if you have the energy to write by hand and don't wanna be at a screen). Doesn’t have to be deep. Can be if you want, if yoh have the mental energy to reflect or go think abt some Deep Shit and thats what you wanna journal abt then go for it. You can also just journal your stream of consciousness which is what i tend to do. Again, its versatile bc 1. It helps my adhd brain remember things by writing them down, 2. It gets more Thoughts outta my Head, 3. Just writing down my stream of consciousness does not take a lot of effort from me personally and is fun for me, and as a bonus, 4. Sometimes its funny to read back over later
- also wanna mention that if youve got prior plans, if you don't think you can get through them you can let ppl know. My mom and i were gonna get some things together for my grandma today and spend the morning with her, but i let hwr know i might not be able to and it worked out that doing it tomorrow worked better anyway. And i had a dnd session in the afternoon that i still wanted to be present for and thought i could (it was also online so), but i told everyone and made the compromise that i could type out all my actions and whatever id say out loud, since i knew trying to speak it for 4 hours would make me way more sick. And the session was super great!
Find things that you enjoy that require as little mental and physical energy as possible, so that when you’re drained and need a day to recover, your “recovery” isn’t just sitting in bed on TikTok for eight hours.
#speci reblogs with their own advice or something#if this is all nonesne rambling just know thag its also 1am amd ive got like 4 other things on the mind#those things being 1. yay my headache is gone now how do i keep it off until i go to sleep? 2. fuck i forgot to do a thing to prepare for#tomorrow 3. deltarune good sure wish there was more of it 4. mmmmmterraria fun game
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friend thing yaaay tagged by @notsebastianstan
rules: answer the questions and then tag blogs u want to get to know better
Nickname(s): online it’s usually cereal or cm
Gender: mostly female probably lol
Sign: scorpio
Height: 5′3″ or 5′4″
Time: 7:55pm
Fav band(s): shrugs
Fav solo artist(s): continues to shrug
Last movie I saw: oh man i feel like i just watched something uhhmmm... maybe thats just been binge watching shows ummmmm probably spiderman homecoming?? i watched it like a month ago
Last show I watched: i think it was catfish
When did I create my blog: july 13 2012. oh damn i just had my 6 year anniversary recently lol... dear god kfldsj
What do I post: videya games and rvb and memes i guess lol
Last thing I googled: "fever dream define” bc i was mentioning fever dreams to a friend but then wasnt sure if i actually knew what they are even tho i use that term freely quite a bit. ive never actually had a fever dream so i had to CHECK
Do I have any other blogs: yaaaaaaaaaaa i have
@tangosdonut as my stim/aesthetics blog (mostly stim but i find some stims aesthetically pleasing and vice versa so shrug)
@tangoscereal food blog; mostly desserts and pastas. second most updated blog after my main
@sometimesgrimer i draw grimer sometimes
@tweekscupcakes south park blog
@imaginedonut one of those character imagine blogs for frankie d donut. i dont update it much these days but i’d liiiiiiiike toooooooooo
and i had @spoiledcereals for that one year everyone was doin spoiler blogs for rt stuff when the week difference in first membership seeing things happened, but apparently no one uses those any more which is really unfortunate so rip
most of these i dont update too often but. theyre there.
Do I get asks: ya every so often
Why did I choose my url: hmm emoji that’s a good question lol. i wanted something more gender neutral than before and i think my explanation was “i like cereal and am a monster” or something. also i was 15 lol.
Following; 3,387
Followed by: 1,649 ; ive dropped like 6 followers the past few weeks
Average hours of sleep: uhhhhhhhhhhhh like 6-7 but i tend to have a hard time falling asleep and i wake up a lot so shrug
Lucky number: dont got one tbh
What am I wearing: a tshirt from when i did an exchanged thing in spain in hs, some lazy gray shorts, and a purple sweatshirt
Dream job: 3d modeling or video editing or something... i think i wanna work on games but tbh something in entertainment is my main desire
Fav food: pasta or my dad’s beans and rice bc #colombian
Nationality: american
Fav song: i dont really have one
Last book I read: i........................ have no idea................. it’s been so long since ive read a book uhhh i wanna say it was when i finally finished the last few chapters of the perks of being a wallflower last summer/early fall during the hurricane bc i had it on my ipad and had started it ages ago and never finished i mean unless u count the various books i glanced in about c sharp and unity and stuff but i know that’s not the kind of book reading this post is about lol
Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: animal crossing, harvest moon, pokemon those are also my fave games lol bye
UHM i dont feel like taggin anyone in particular but THANK U FOR UR TIME
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i finished my shenko playthrough...... and it made me sad bc i liked so much of it, there were so much good kaidan dialogue in me3 that i found really touching, and then i remembered that kaidan is dead in my canon :( i feel like i appreciate him more but i also just...... ashley is my girl........ i love her so much
anyway thoughts/notes/liveblogging 2 months late is all behind the cut
me1
the beginning of the renegade playthrough is p much just shepard throwing a tantrum going "i dont wanna" and anderson going "YOU'RE GOING TO ANYWAY"
Shepard: *murders everyone in the compound* Kyle: I respect that you have come under a banner of peace,
why do sniper rifles move when you zoom in tho like what's the fucking point lmao. is garrus considered an expert sniper just cause he can fuckin shoot anything at all
“I understand the discomfort she feels. The threat is very real.” so it’s canon Garrus has first response victim shock training
Baynham: here take these gas grenades that will knock ppl out instead of killing them Kaidan: I can hook them up to our launchers no problem Garrus: Why don't we use them Commander? Shepard: We're not doing that. Wipe everything out.
“How come every time there’s a problem you come running to me?” okay first off it’s hilarious that shepard talks to hackett like that, and secondly he resonds with: “Shepard you’re a Spectre” which is interesting. it’s not like he can assign her missions as a Spectre. it’s prob just abt prowess? or he uses her position for alliance gain
Shepard: Are you telling me this VI is thinking on its own? Hackett: We're not stupid, Shepard. Shepard:
(pulling a gun on the staff of Noveria) Garrus: Citadel authority supersedes yours. // you know he was thrilled to say that lmfaooo
“If by ‘secure the situation’ you mean ‘shoot every monster on sight,’ then sure.” good god
shepard, with spectre class gear, cleaning out this dude’s stock just to convert it all to omnigel: show me what you got
(to sovereign) Garrus: “The protheans vanished 50k years ago! You couldn’t have been there! It’s impossible!” Garrus sounds like an annoying kid in class lmfao
“Organic life was a mistake” this is why I don’t trust the fucking Reapers or starchild to give it to me straight. REAPERS ARE HALF ORGANIC!!!
Kirrahe: You have my respect, Commander. Shepard: I’d rather have Williams back than your respect. // jlSKJFLDSK
every time I destroy a colossus in the Mako now I’m reminded when shepard fights one of these fuckin things ON FOOT
“Cut me a little slack, Shepard. It’s not like you’re easy to read.”
vigil is still one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. i think i figured out why, it's the first time shepard (and at large, this cycle) realizes she has allies. more than she knows. every race that's been exterminated wants to see the reapers dead. every single one is supporting shepard the protheans weren't just wiped out. they didn't just fight till the bitter end. they made contingency plans. their last messages were also ones of hope. and they succeeded. shepard's gonna have to do most of the work on her own; of course she is. and she knows most history is lost. but all of that work has added up and will add up, and she realizes here she's gotta make all that work worth something. she can't leave it for the next cycle to clean up. like vigil’s talk is essentially: "aliens of the future, we are a dead race. we can't fight with you anymore. but we can be there to make sure you win. do not make our sacrifice in vain. we, and every race that came before us, the millions of us, deserve the chance." AND OH LOOK WHAT THAT REMINDS ME OF
vigil talks abt how the last ilios scientists (abt a dozen) took a one-way trip to the citadel after the reapers had left their cycle, and spent their remaining years severing the connection btw the keepers' automatic trigger function to activate the citadel relay and that the scientists probably died cold miserable and hungry bc the citadel was like, not exactly equipped for life anymore, and it was just a handful of people, so they wouldnt have gotten even a wing up and running. what's the bet that these scientists were also the leading engineers on the crucible, and they divided their time btw these two projects? the keepers succeeded, the engineers did everything they could to do more, add more ideas to this project, before they expired and they made the pods they were buried in biodegradable? or something? so that keepers would be able to dispose of them and their bodies couldn't be used for future experiments/slave labor if reapers or indoctrinated forces/collectors came back
this is my first time getting the apartment on intai’sei and THERE ISN’T EVEN A BATHROOM.
me2
just sharing this mod from someone who made “play as every character except shepard” mods. you can ask jacob what the hell a collector is WHILE DRESSED AS A COLLECTOR
“This pistol doesnt have a thermal clip” SHEPARD IS THAT REALLY THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO SAY AFTER AWAKING FROM A COMA. I love that not only is the first thing shep does on awakening is complain abt the state of her gun, but also that she wakes in full armor
ive been wondering if miranda planned the attack on lazarus station. she knows shepard is a woman of action. her trust in people comes from knowing they'll weather the storm with her. maybe this attack on the station was all to get her to trust jacob, or at least, not attack miranda on sight? if she woke up in a lab or hospital with cerberus logos leaning over her? uhhhh yeah, she's getting the hell out of here. if her first xp is fighting through fire w a few of them first? uh...... i'll hear you out at the VERY least, but i wont like you. that's what miranda wants
miranda seems to like renegade shep. she like respects the no bullshitting around i guess, cut from the same cloth?
twenty four permanent crew onboard the Normandy. jotting that down
Donnelly: Want to play some Skyllian Five with us later? Shepard: This isn’t a casino. Get back to work.
grunt says "arm one hand, offer the other. wise, shepard." that's one of my favorite lines descripting shepard, it fits mine perfectly
Shep: They offered me Spectrehood and I told them where to shove it. Udina: Are you trying to start a war? What the hell is wrong with you?
when you buy upgrades at the citadel stores, one tech damage purchase description describes the rls btw tools and neural connectors, so it’s canon omnitools are hooked up to neural implants. *scribbles that down for later* I’m not sure if that’s the right term but we know at least it’s connected in some way so that tools are individualized to their user
the turian hunting supplies guy is still one of my favorite minor npcs
on shepard’s likeness being used in the media: “The colony of Mindoir has won the right to use Shepard’s likeness on its seal.” okay this is interesting but also confusing because i figured since shepard is military, and now a public figure/no longer a private citizen, there was no need for people to ask to use her likeness. but there was a company that requested her permission in the armax arena to use her footage for a video. maybe for things like charity etc it’s necessary?
there are only five wards. somehow I never caught that that wards = arms of the Citadel. wtf. this changes everything
jacob: “you were the alliance poster child for like six months. then they replaced it with some composite image. guess you didn't field test right. perfect example of humanity, and they still dump you." // so it's canon the alliance whitewashes shepard, right? lol
shepard: i'm glad you're enjoying it here miranda. just remember who's in charge. miranda: i know exactly who's in charge. i report to him regularly. OUCH LMAO
one of the fuckin funniest things i experienced in this playthrough was: Shepard: I didn't let you look at those (cerberus datapads). Jack: I get impatient. Shepard: (close up on fist and angry red eyes) DO NOT violate the integrity of my ship again. Jack: (not paying attention) Yeah, ok.
Thane: I have a son. Shepard: All right, you spawned. Organic species tend to do that. Is that all?
more shepard being an asshole to thane: “just give it to me straight. i’m not interested in your philosophical BS.” GOD SHEPARD
asari are canonically into egyptology, cool
IF YOU FEED THE VARREN ON TUCHANKA IT’LL FOLLOW YOU AROUND, HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS TILL NOW
playing a complete asshole on garrus’s eye for an eye just reminds me how much i hate his loyalty lmao. i hate it on paragon, i hate it on renegade. if you agree w him on everything re revenge, beating harkin up, he’s like “i knew you’d understand” and “somehow I didn’t think you would (have a problem with what I’m planning to do)”. it’s just like. sad. idk. I hate this quest so much but I also hate people who play renegade shepard/garrus completely without criticism. it’s also why i hate those “garrus and shepard as gang bosses au” aesthetic shit. this kind of rls is not healthy. not that paragon is strictly the way to go, cause paragon can be self-righteous and preachy, esp in this mission, which bothers me too.
Bailey: You’re trying to save your son. Of course I’ll help. Thane, staring at him unblinkingly, with deep black eyes: He faces a dark path. Bailey:
weirdly this was the renegade option that made me feel really fuckin bad: Shepard: I didn’t want to do that. We don’t have much time. Mouse: Just go away, man. Thane: I’m sorry too, Mouse. Mouse: Just… go.
legion: windows are structural weaknesses. geth do not use them. heretic station: *is filled with fuckin windows*
Shepard: What’s your assurance worth? Your loyalty switches with quantum bits. EDI: Loyalty is based on mutual respect, common experience, and common cause. We share two of those. // HOT DAMN
have i mentioned that i fuckin hate how the varren, husks, and abominations are all armored on insanity
saving the collector base feels more like a bitter/unnerving victory instead of a triumphant/defiant one. more like "i hope i didnt just make a huge mistake handing that collector base to a terrorist group" lol
possibly one of my top favorite lines in the entire fucking series now which i have never heard before because i never picked the renegade options w him, thane: Just don't make the mistake I did. There's always another mission. None of them are an excuse to make yourself an island.
EVEN MIRANDA DOESNT APPROVE OF SAVING THE BASE "Before I started this mission, I never would've questioned our goals... I hope whatever Cerberus finds at that base is worth it."
Tela Vasir: I heard you weren't reinstated. Too bad -- you did good work. // so do all spectres respect shepard or something? even the corrupt ones? lmao
honestly liara's obviously unrequited love for shepard (if you romance someone else ofc) makes me so sad. like, she cries when she gets revenge on the person who stole ur body, dresses up when she comes to visit you on the normandy, says "funny, we're in the same room for the first time in 2yrs and we talk about anything but ourselves" like..... she misses and mourned and is still clearly kind of enraptured with shepard. i find it kind of sad and wish there was some kind of closure for her in shepards that romance someone else/no one at all. i hate the thought of liara falling in love at such a young age and pining for the rest of her life after shep dies. i switch back and forth btw if she actually has feelings for shep out of a savior crush bc it explains a lot of her behavior in 2, or if it’s just a young infatuation that she gets over by me3
honestly there is no quest that makes me respect ICT training more than Arrival. over two days shepard plows through how many enemies, including several engineers and pyros and two atlases, completely alone, with NO COMPLAINTS, and only gets taken out by a REAPER WAVE
me3
DONT KAIDAN ME THIS IS BUSINESS
rejecting chakwas is so fucking difficult and hard. if you dont invite her automatically she practically begs (ok she doesnt beg, but she does ask very sincerely and openly) to come back onto the normandy and then shep just.... says no, you can do more good here... and then turns around and recruits dr michel, who has never served on a warship before and doesnt know anybody’s medical history and is not nearly as experienced a doctor, so the choice to pick michel over chakwas makes absolutely no sense. like what the fuck lmao what a dick move shepard
yes i did cave and upgraded me3 to digital deluxe just for the hoodie and dog and extra guns. and it cost me $10. fuck
edi: “I would rather risk nonfunctionality with the crew of the Normandy, than risk it alone (by joining the reapers).” :’(((((((
i keep fucking forgetting how long the omega dlc is. god i never want to look at omega again. lydia definitely nods off/passes out from exhaustion in the back seat as bray drives the shuttle back to the normandy
after miranda’s death, joker: “Mordin, Wrex, Thane, Samara, Miranda… how long before it’s just you and me against the Reapers?”
citadel bits
the clone fight on insanity as a vanguard was not nearly as hard as the clone fight on insanity as a sentinel. what the fuck. i guess it’s a trade off because the solo fight through the strip against the mercs as a vangard was a pain in the ass, and the same fight as a sentinel was a cakewalk
HOW COME THE CLONE HAS INCINERATE EVEN WHEN I DONT LMAO
traynor rattles off lists of her conditions and shepard says she “didn’t realize people still had conditions like that anymore.” traynor says “the colony where I grew up has limited resources. you only have gene therapy if you have a life-threatening condition.“ analysis:
gene therapy to remove common diseases is prevalent enough that chronic conditions like asthma/allergies appear to be eliminated, and may be near extinction with gene therapy in most areas
HOWEVER since they're naturally occurring, they can always crop up, so gene therapy will always be necessary, unless/until scientists start messing with embryo biology?
shepard isn't shocked, just kind of mildly surprised that they're "still around", which makes me feel like gene therapy probably only became WIDELY used mb within the past ~50yrs? to the point of making asthma etc so rare that most humans might now never meet someone with them. ofc i imagine eb shepard would be less surprised that old diseases are still around bc she grew up in a poor inner city and was prob exposed/developed an immunity to them?
dslkf
citadel party
with miranda, samara, and wrex dead, there’s one fewer group in the first section of the party. javik joins the gang in the kitchen, grunt the gang in the living room, and zaeed the gang in the tv area. which resulted in some interesting lines for javik lol. i imagine he joined the tali/garrus/liara/sam gang bc he didnt know anybody else
the third high energy part with the gang on the balcony is rly cute. it's like liara is... idt flirty is the right word, but first she gets all heated challenging james to a pull-up contest, and then teases him that kaidan's lapping him. i think she just has a fondness for james
paying attention to the background chatter is just as entertaining as the normal banter. i caught so many funny jack kaidan and traynor lines
javik suggests that we do this (have a party) again if we survive the war! awww
joker and edi def still have feelings for each other and dance together -- or at least joker does, and edi kind of acts coy/like she’s still interested -- even if you tell them both not to pursue it. it’s prob just because bw didn’t intend for ppl to discourage them, but still interesting
you don’t get mordin’s datapad if you killed him... keely mentioned it’s prob because the stg knew what you did and i believe that
the voice over the radio trying to save her friend’s life while the soldier walks her through it is definitely femhawke. bw probably just reuses their actors so much i can recognize them all lmao
ending
if you sabotage the genophage/kill wrex it’s major kirrahe (or a misc salarian if he died i suppose) that’s giving commands to the troops and god that is so bleak
i shot tim and got his extra dying dialogue that i haven’t ever before.... i like that writing better than when he kills himself? but they’re both sort of poetic endings...... idk which is my favorite
ive never done control before and holy shit i do not like DO NOT LIKE DO NOT WANT. synthesis really creeped me out for a number of reasons but i thought control would be better for some reason? like, a sad kind of way? instead it was just..... super super unnerving LIKE SHEPARD LITERALLY DISINTEGRATES IN FRONT OF OUR EYES and then with that ending monologue and man i am never choosing control again i guess it’s destroy 2kforever for me
first time i told jack to put her students on the front line and they all died. god
caps with makeup-less shep!
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Name: Lou/Lucy
Nicknames: those both ^, D, DD, Baby Mexico, Absolutely used to have Baby Lou once but that one friend was like at Least a whole-ass foot and a half taller than me and yall short bitches you need to earn it.
Gender: Female
Star Sign: Virgo
Current Time: 5:40pm
Favorite Artists: Mother Mother! Used to like Marina and Studio Killers a lot too, now also quite enjoy edu :}
Song in m'head: "Cruz de Navajas" by Mecano and Fooking "Buttercup" by Jack Stauber. I was telling my boss bout the story behind Cruz de Navajas that it was about this married couple and the husband worked in a shitty bar All night long and never *cough* paid attention to his wife bc he was always tired af so one day he gets off early and sees this couple kissing and walks up to find out its his wife with another dude and he gets a cross carved in his forehead and another in his chest by her boyfriend and then they lied about it and said it was 2 drug addicts that robbed him. Shes just like "wtfffff" and im like "yea"
Last Movie I Saw: "Stardust" it was so cuuuute!! I loved it! It has a happy ending, too! Very good story to me! Heard its kiiinda like Princess Bride..? But ive never seen that one so i wouldnt know
Last thing i googled: so, some context here: i am """underaged""" and they keep closing the Only kitchen in my building and i think thats Absolute bullshit so as a mode of protest i made my own drink bc i cant make food so Fuck it and Fuck you, right? So im making mead in my closet, started it 19FEB2020. So!
"Can you drink cloudy mead" (Probably!)
"What is ""racking"" (when making mead)?" So, there is yeast sediment at the bottom after a while and for the mead to clear up you change it into a clean bottle thats racking but idk why i should make it clear i guess it doesnt look As disgusting. i have the post recipe somewhere under the #mead tag, probably, or #ressippi
And more shit like that
Other blogs: geck-conspiracy and the other one that has like 2 posts, one being the Garfield i made to terrify my coworkers i need to find that picture
Do i get asks?: very, very rarely! But i like them :}
Last i got is bc i got a gumball fact wrong while trying to be smartass to my sib and i was told the right episode which is great bc it means i can watch it again now. That person is my Hero. Good-ass theory, too!
Reason for my url: so,, i was trying to make a Steam account with SlimeBird but it was taken so i switched it around and eventually i got used to it! Quite a few years back
Following: bro idk i dont want tumblr mobile to crash on my ass but waaaay over 700? Most blogs are dead now but i dont feel like going in an unfollowing raid i dont care that much
Average Sleep: well. I Like to have a good 8, 9h of good quality sleep but this last week my schedules been really fucked so probably about 5h which really fucks me up!! Had a monster at like 2am at work today, just had a 5h energy drink i Hate that shit, the taste alone wakes you up but i bought it months ago and didnt wanna waste it. I usually work from 2230-0700 so mids aint IT
Lucky Number: 3,5 or 7
Currently Wearing: green jeans-looking pants, a black godzilla t-shirt and a poncho looking thingy which is really warm :}
Dream Job: id still like to be a firefighter! It really is too bad ive gotta wait like 4 more years now. Logistics aint bad tho!
Dream Trip: Morocco and Spain! Maybe also Italy and South America :}
Favorite Food: i Really like milk! Just bought me some fancy milk actuallly, shits got cream on top and a glass bottle? Cute af! Im keeping the bottle to clarify the mead. Also love sweet breads tho i eat them rarely now
Instruments: i can probably still play the soprano lil flute! I was learning how to play the piano but mom had to sell my keyboard and i never got around to buying another one, always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, too!
Favorite song: aight, that shit depends on my mood but some songs i really enjoy are "Letter", "No Culture" and "Worry" by Mother Mother to name a few, "Miss Melody" by edu, some Old-ass songs in Spanish like "Hijo de la Luna" by Mecano, "Te Necesito" by Amaral, Love a Fuckton of songs by Jesse & Joy like "Llorar", have Always loved Julieta Venegas i had her "Limón y Sal" CD, also one of her songs, and i Love old songs by Shakira! Like "Antes de las Seis", "Dia de Enero", could keep going with plenty of shit! Mostly chill music these past few months, turned my edginess Way down!
Now, I dont think i know 21 peeps that are actually active here but ill give it a shot!
@guestboy @night-gem-shit @bitter-notbetter @idontneedyourpermission @anintellectualblonde @drdandy @letsgetthisoverwith @cnraley0606 @crowibition @koigirl12 @sawvidae @cryptid-anarchist @lesexygayfish @pixelatedpyro @scrapbot13
Heres the fooking Garfield bc Fuck your eyes if i made this you All have to see it now. Yes, i based it off a JoJo pose. Yes, its on a Post-it. And Yes, i absolutely made this at work.
Make your own posts dont be mobile heathens like me <3
is it time to bother my mutuals again? yes thanks @lumoxs for tagging me!!
rules: answer 21 questions + tag 21 people
name: aga
nickname: hm. my best friend calls me spock but it’s like an inside joke hbdakjgkjfg don’t do this
gender: female
star sign: sagittarius
current time: 11 p.m.
favorite artists: i never really gave a fuck about celebrities, i’m generally interested in the art, not the artist. but since i’m in mdzs hell i’ve also been Looking at the cql cast :^) and idk, maybe also maggie stiefvater because what can’t that woman do
song stuck in my head: no music head empty. or maybe wen qing character song??
last movie i saw: tales from earthsea
last thing i googled: how to say cotton wool in english sbsavzjfvzjvdf
other blogs: you’ve seen this mess. does it look like i have any other blogs
do i get asks: not really? sometimes for ask games maybe
reason for your url: a pun for my name and love for shiba inus
following: ~300
average sleep: 9 or 10 hours i think
lucky number: 13
currently wearing: my pyjamas. a tank top with wonder woman and pants with pandas that are also sushi bsaldhbasfjvas
dream job: idk don’t make me think about that :c
dream trip: japan, always. but also everywhere else. just give me a reason and i’ll go wherever
favorite food: it’s safe to assume that at all times i’m craving zsiadłe mleko (fermented milk don’t judge me it’s delicious)
instruments: none, unfortunately. i never tried playing anything and at this point i’m too afraid to start. also imo i lack musical talent x)
favorite song: hhhh rn it’s gotta be wu ji. makes me go bonkers :) okay, you know how it goes, no pressure to do this or anything :3 @sandwich-rushes-in, @reigev, @ropucha, @ibskurapika, @margalotta, @clownfeets, @birdslime, @karpie-diem, @bakedbananners, @dimobserver, @schech, @themartianpill, @peikkolapsonen, @albarnhs, @knifewiffe, @oikology, @k-likeaboss, @softyiwa, @twobreathswalking, @thejollyshiner, @conver-wearing-girl and if anyone else feels like doing this i’ll gladly read it :)
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1/5 i had my first anxiety attack a couple of months ago and it was horrible i literally thought i was gonna die. i was very stressed bc of school back then. i only had two attacks after that but now, even if im not stressed anymore and even if school is almost over i still feel stressed and anxious. its soon summer break and im gonna be so lonely bc i dont have any friends. my 18th birthday is gonna suck and even if i dont like being all alone, i dont want to go back to school either.
Continued: 2/5 i try to be positive and distract myself, doing things like drawing, playing piano, doing my make up etc. but i still feel anxious, like its creeping behind my back and im worried i will explode soon. i dont know what to do. how should i handle this? i’ve been alone many summers before and even if i’ve felt bad about it, i’ve never really felt this anxious about it. it feels like some sort of monster3/5 and if i let it come to me all these negative thoughts will attack me all at once and i’ll be super depressed, sad, feel like there’s no point in anything, my chest will hurt, i’ll have trouble sleeping/relaxing, lose all my routines, literally not do ANYTHING and i REALLY dont want that to happen again bc ive already been through that one time and it was SHIT and i was so exhausted and dead afterwards and im so scared of that happening again. im scared of these feelings. they’re scary!!4/5 i just want to have a fun summer before hell aka school starts again. i want to relax and enjoy it. but these “im so lonely” and “no one wants to be with me” feelings are stopping me :( why am i so afraid of being alone? im SO tired of being the only one giving so i broke up with the few friends i had, bc they made me feel like shit and i thought i was strong enough to be on my own but i guess im not and now the last summer break i’ll ever and my 18th b-day is gonna be shit5/5 i dont know what to do. i DONT WANT this summer to be me laying in bed every day, eating fast food, watching series i dont even like, sleeping through my anxiety and be ugly and disgusting and sweaty and stuff like that. i want to have self control but i feel like im starting to lose it and SUMMER BREAK HASNT EVEN STARTED YET how am i going to get through this? :( ive thought about talking to a therapist but one’ll have to wait so long and im just tired i want to sleep all day but no i dont
Jennie: This probably isn’t going to be the best summer you ever have, and it doesn’t have to be. Let’s use that as a starting point. This probably isn’t going to be an amazing exciting summer full of BFFs and romance and drama, like a teenage summer from a movie, but that’s okay. You have plenty of time for all those things, and there’s no rush. Use this summer as an opportunity to take a break, look after yourself, and plan for the next year.
If you’re feeling anxious and depressed, and it’s getting in the way of your day-to-day life, I think you should definitely talk to a therapist. You may have to wait a while if there’s a waiting list, but if this isn’t going away on its own, isn’t it worth getting started on seeking help now? You could talk to your doctor, or contact mental health services, charities or therapists in your area. You’ve got time to do some research and explore your options. Exploring ways of looking after your mental health could be your project for the summer.
It might also be useful to look into self help resources in the meantime, if you’re not able to speak to a mental health professional straight away. There are cognitive behavioural therapy workbooks that can teach you similar techniques that you could learn from a therapist, apps that can help you manage your mental health, and helplines for if you’re having a crisis or just need to talk to someone. Try some different things, and find out what is helpful for you.
If you don’t want to lie in bed for the whole summer, then try to get out of the house regularly, even if it’s just for a walk around the block. If you have hobbies like drawing or playing piano, try to work on them a little every day, or a few times a week. Create a routine for yourself, so even though you’re not at school, you still have things to get up and do.
It’s not compulsory - it’s okay to spend time on your own - but if you’d like to find some new friends, maybe you should look for opportunities to meet new people. Maybe there’s a club or class in your community you could join, or maybe there’s some volunteer work you could get involved in. Find out what’s going on in your area this summer, and see if there’s anything you might be interested in. This might be difficult if you’re feeling anxious or depressed, but maybe getting to the point where you feel able to go and try something new could be a goal you set for yourself, to motivate you to take care of your mental health.
There are lots of things you can do for yourself this summer. It’s an opportunity to take some time out and focus on what you need, so, take that opportunity.
#advice#ask me anything#anxiety#summer break#summer#mental health#advice blog#advice column#askjennie
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I cheated my husband he knows but still wants to keep me and the marriage,but dont love him anymore,what i do?
I cheated my husband he knows but still wants to keep me and the marriage,but dont love him anymore,what i do?
i m still staying with him he change to make me happy i gave him a chance i have 2 kids for their sake i stayed but still i n not happy i rather have to divorce him i know i will have a peace of mine i want to do something that makes me happy he s a boring guy i just did nt ralized that b4 coz i m bc taking care of my 2 kids but now they re teenagers i suddenly realized how boring my life is,i m 44 yrs old and i knoe i still can find better life ahead of me with the right person with me so i need help outthere if i really have to sacrifice ny happiness for the sake of my marriage and for the my kids? my husband is not really a good provider we both have financial problem he had his money i have my own,i dont have a name on his bank account either his on mine he paid all the bills,i paid the daycare and the clothes for me and the kids,the sch. lunch for 1 kid him the other kid,i paid the car insurance which it s not my name but since i m the one using it.so pls. help what shall i do?
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I work 2 part without any modification or the car under my Impala of any kind (Wow I actually have House or Senate. yes am on daily birth what are the medical I can t even afford I m wondering why car issue me registration over something to suffice until and want to get the cheapest auto insurance had no insurance. I u got into a been told I m paying a first time driver, with my car insurance Im trying to find than a single family saving 33,480 dollars to or resources are greatly my own car yet, the price of car is the cheapest way I have to drive a 4 door honda would cost. Any help car was totalled. I the charges wouldn t be are my options? Please..any side of where the business in england, when and breaked right after. am shocked because l bills. I went to years no claims (Citroen her...mandatory to california or What does Obama mean Cheers :) .
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All :p
THANKS A! okay ill skip the ones M already asked me!
1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
LOLOL, well it was the GC so I would say hey bitches wus good. ACTUALLY. I’D BE LIKE YALL CAN LOOK BUT CANT TOUCH CAUSE YALL BITCHES BE GETTING THE WRONG IDEA, and told yall bout a good million times Im just not interested. Pls take a hint.
2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?
WELL. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, bc he was a lowlife scrub who I do not need in my life at all. Blocked & erased my history
3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
UM…. yes bc I would care about my partner and would want the best for them……. so I wouldnt want them on drugs 24/7
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
OMG its exactly 6 letter BISH.
5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? YA GIRL WAS DRUNNNNK IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE
6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?
OMG NO. Im never the one to mess it up SMH, im the one left to clean up the mess SMFH
7. What does your last received text say? “Or nahhh”
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
LMFAO what kind of question. YALL REALLY THINK I SIT THERE AND COUNT EVERYTIME I KISSED MY MAN LIKE LOL????????? Lets just say I kissed him WAY too many times than he deserved. (V many times tho bc who doesn’t love a good smooch)
9. Where was your last kiss at?
BRUH. my ex mans house OK NEXT
10. When is the last time you saw your sister?
well I have 2, and a few hours ago before they both went to sleep bc they youngins.
11. What do you drink in the morning?
Ya girl likes her steaming hot cup of TEA in the morning. Gotta have my daily tea.
12. Where did you sleep last night?
My mans crib ;) why you care tho?
13. Do you think relationships are hard? LOL. They’re hard if you make em hard. And if you’re partner is stressin you then hell yeah. But I mean no relationship is perfect. Its all about working through those hard times and that honestly makes the relationship stronger.
14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?
YES. I would’ve left the trash ass ugly piece of garbage that treated me like shit and used the hell out of me, before I got super attached to him and let him walk all over me. DEFS wish I could’ve left his fuck boy ass long time ago, shouldn’t have let things lasted as long as they did.
15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO. bruh. YOU ARE ASKING FOR A WORLD WAR 3. im crying could you imagine. OH he would be shook. That or he would have the best sex of his life lbr.
16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
Sunny when I gotta go out, Rainy when I’m inside/ at night. BC YA GIRL HATES GOING OUT IN THE RAIN. Womans are not tryna look like a wet cat.
17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
Actually yes quite a few, people I knew from school, also I think Selena Gomez? My middle name is kinda basic.
18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?
None of the above ;)
19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
PART OF ME: I REALLY HOPE SO bc ya girl a hopeless romantic
OTHER PART OF ME: HONESTLY IDEK BC MANS ARE SO WHACK THESE DAYS, HARD TO FIND A QUALITY QT, and honestly im doing me these days like mans can wait BYE
20. Does anyone like you?
Jesus! My boy JC. Dont know if anyone else likes me bc like I clearly can’t read minds so?
21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?
Besides family, no one else is ringing a bell
22. Is the last person you kissed gay?
Nope
23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?
Currently: My EX, Alicia from AYTO (tv show) (snake ass bitch),
24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?
Yessss many times. Like theres so many ideas I have. I would probs get one like on my side, back, lower waist, or behind my ear? Either something cute or something with meaning.
25. In the past week have you cried?
Yes I think I had a moment the other day.
26. What breed was the last dog you saw?
A cockerspaniel.
27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?
Depends on my mood. I really like showers tho, preferably with my man
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
Not yet ;)
29. Do you think you’re old?
Honestly sometimes I feel old asf
30. Do you like text messaging?
TBH not really. I prefer having that face to face, talking through text is too much miscommunication.
31. What type of day are you having?
A swell day, kinda was in my feels earlier but ya girl got it together.
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
YASSSS. I’ve wanted one for a while, but now I’m like do I want one that bad? It would be cute af THO
33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
WARM WARM WARM. No ones tryna freeze their ass off. Ya girls an Island baby
34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Jesus Christ.
35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?
RELATIONSHIPS, FUCK FLINGS ARE JUST NOT FOR ME. I am not meant for that fling life
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
Im quite wild tbh when you get to know me
37. What song are you listening to?
Currently: Straight Up & Down by Bruno Mars
38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?
Hellllll YEAH
39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
Yes, I’d say my Moms, Ash, Rach or my sister Tia
40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
OK. WELL…………………………………… dont ask me bout this rn im confused. But I kinda also have feelings for my ex ex man who wasnt really my man but still he is literally like my ideal man and ive been seeing him a few times and im triggered UGH my first uni LOVE FML fuck he has me WEAK ASF
41. When did you last receive a text message?
A second ago: so 1:55 AM
42. What is wrong with you right now?
NOT A GAWD DAMN THING BISH.
no but real talk school out here draining me. ALSO IM V CONFUSED BOUT STUFF.
43. How well do you know the last female you texted?
YO thats my girl. RIDE OR DIE since 7th grade. I know her like the back of my hand and likewise for me.
44. Does anyone disgust you?
HAAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA, you already fucking know the answer. TRASH ASS EX MAN. Also fuck boys just disgust and erk my soul in general.
45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?
Depends on who’s asking 😏 but hey if I like you, you cute, nice, funny, LOYAL, determined I mean I would probs say yes. ALONG WITH MY OTHER WANTS: smells good, good style, nice hair, kind, TALLLLLL, athletic,
But hey I mean he don’t have to fit all these categories, im just being extra here
46. Are you in a good mood right now?
Currently Yes :D
47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
My mom
48. What color shirt are you wearing?
Not wearing a shirt oooooooops 😳
49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?
YUP. dont wanna repeat bc it was honestly the DOUCHIEST thing I’ve ever heard in my life and it makes me sick to my stomach that this literally came out of a mans PIE HOLE. i cant.
50. Anyone you’re giving up on?
Already gave up on em. LIKE UP OUT OF MY LIFE. blocked and erased that history
51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Not really my ex ex man I still kinda like. BC my ex man was not the one that a fell hardest for so nah. IF IT WAS HIM THEN I WOULD.
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?
ummmmm noooo????
53. Do you like rain?
Only when I’m inside, or about to sleep. That Netflix and cuddles possible chill typa weather ya feel
54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
Nope, unless the liqs turns them into a monster then yes I would care.
55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL😳😳😳 HONEST TO GOD IM EITHER STRAIGHT UP OR SO LOWKEY. Like im TOO GOOD AT THIS. I could be crushin so hard on someone and they would never know bc im too good at hiding it.
56. Do you like to cuddle?
YES LOOOOOOOOOVE. your girl likes her doses of cuddles. BABS like getting cuddled too ):
57. Are you shy?
LOL HONEST YES. IM SO SHY AROUND CUTE BOYS OR LIKE PEOPLE I DONT KNOW. But once I get comfortable with you whoever you are im defs not. YA GIRL WILD AF
58. Do you get along with girls?YASSSSSSSS girl power bitch. LOVE MY GIRLS. Love hyping and empowering up my girls.
59. Have you dated the person you texted last?
YEA SHE MY BAE :*
60. What do you carry with you at all times?
STRESS. LOL jks but omg phone, lipgloss (bc you never know if you eva gonna kiss a QT), the normals
61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?
UM. NO!!!! TF! ARE YOU WHACK. NEVER WOULD YOU EVER CATCH ME IN A JUMBIE INFESTED PLACE. NAH NAH
62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
YES. OBVI. I’m that long term typa gyal ;) Im that ride or die typa girl
63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?
LOOOOL. Lets not think back to that time, I already ctrl alt and DELETE. BOI BYE
64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?
um YES. stop. putting. me. in. my feelS. But lets just say it wouldn’t just end with a kiss on the forehead ;)
65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?
Well im cute so……….. everyday something cute happens aka ME :)
66. How old are the last three people you kissed?
21, and the rest were family SO LOL
67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?
honestly i can do my own nails, but its nice to treat your self
68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?
ZEBRA, your girl is a zebra print stan, my whole room is practically this print
69. Do you have any stickers on your car?
i dont own a car, but the car I drive has a “princess on board sticker” which is for my little sister but HEY its suitable for me too so
70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?
Lil Wayne… not about that country/ tim buck two. But tbh I dont listen to either of em
71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?
IPHONE 6 GANGGGGGGGGG
72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?
Maybe like last year? Usually get pizza pizza
73. Do you like diet soda?
NAH, diet taste kinda weird
74. What color are the walls in your room?
Its like an olive green, but I want to re paint, maybe a shade of pink
75. Are you 16 or older?
older…. why you tryna holla?
76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?
I did…. show got mad boring tho.
77. Do you have a job?
Not currently, in school tho
78. What are your initials?
K.M.B BITCHHHHHHHEEEZ
79. Did you ever have braces?
nope, but the dentist always ask me if i had braces and always say how nice my teeth are :D
80. Are you from the south?
NAH NAH, IM NORTH JAX FAM
81. What does your last status on facebook say?
um???? I think I promo’ed Ash’s travel VLOG, check that shit out tho!!!!!!!
82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
CRTL.ALT.DELTE.
NO BISH
83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?
I would say my dad bc I grew up with him? but i tell my mom and step mom more personal stuff/ everything so
85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?
I think it was suicide squad.
86. Do you smoke?
Nah, not on those greens fam
87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?
DEPENDS. On location and look.
88. Is your phone touch screen?
YUP
89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?
Well my hair is wavy and I usually just leave it natural. I love straightening my hair but takes way too much strength and energy out of me.
90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? LMFAO YES. TO GO TO SLEEPOVER AT ONE OF MY MANS HOUSE IM CRYING @GOD forgive me father
91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?
DEFS POOL OR OCEAN LOL BOUT LAKE OR RIVER BYE
94. Are you single or in a relationship?
Doing me. Living life. Doing whatever the hell I want. I am happy and thats all that matters. Not letting mans bring me down, have me stressing, crying myself to sleep, or crying until i have no more tears to cry
95. What were you doing last night at midnight?
Texting my squad in the GC, talking about waste mans
96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?
Fireworks in my heart: probably in the summer on my first date with trash
97. Do you like the camera on your phone?
YES bc I stay taking cute pics, im obsessed with taking fire pics
99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?
NOPE. Always know my limit
100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Hate is a v strong word. I think if anyone I really disliked I’ve removed, I may have some fakes from like HS but thats about it.
102. Name your favorite Kesha song: PROBABLY TICK TOK, YO MY GRADE 7 ASS WOULD WHINE UP TO THIS SONG, MAJOR TRACK
103. Do you have any tan lines right now? noPE, but honestly i wish I did bc I wanna go somewhere warm
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