#bc i need people to seen them for my own sanity

[the-phantom-author]

Will Neff | General Dating headcanons

Fuck it, the will Neff headcanons are here. The Will Neff wasn't Will Neffing.

So Will Neff is the funny man, he actually invented comedy. This being said, him making you laugh is the thing that he prides himself on.

Very in touch with his emotions. Like, yes, he likes a good laugh, but he knows that there is a time and place for it. He knows when and how to make room for other emotions. Likes to talk about them, because it helps him process them.

With that said he will do whatever it is that helps you process your emotions, if that’s writing about them, talking about them, Going on walks in nature. Whatever you need to due to help, he’s willing to do whatever you need him to to help you.

He is a handsy man. Not in a “picks you up in the middle of the kitchen and carries you somewhere” kind of way, more of a “Manhandles you to you around” kind of way. The kind of guy who puts his arm around you in public as a way to guide you. He also does try to get you to hold him. Like, he’ll try top jump into your arms or have you carry him on you back.

Movie man, Will is our movie man. He loves to watch movies with you and discuss them with you, and if you don’t watch/have the attention span to watch them he’s so down to summarize the movie to you, or talk about them conceptually. If you read he’ll do the same with your books, like he may not read them, but he’ll love to talk about the themes of them with you. He thinks it helps the both of you get to know each other

He does love the Jets, so…Go sports ball. It is something that you have to deal with, the excited shouts and whatnots, he’s very animated as it is but add his beloved football team into the mixed and you’re better off not interrupting him.

[shutupineedtothink]

I’m still s h o o k that people do not see exactly what’s going on with Moiraine throughout s2 and people are dragging her and dismissing her without an ounce of empathy for what she’s been through, so I’m bringing the full character analysis for y’all (and my own sanity). So this is a big ol in defense of Moiraine (and Lan) rant, so if that’s not your thing, scroll down now. Here we go.

I just… The AUDACITY some people have to look at Moiraine and be angry and pissed off at how she acts in S2. To not feel any sympathy and empathy for her and the monumental weight she’s under every goddamn day. There’s a reason we start with that bath scene in 2x01 – it shows you everything. How she’s just going through the motions. How she only lets herself cry when she’s alone in the water. How she literally curls into the fetal position and looks reproachfully devastated over her knees as she hugs them to her chest in a futile attempt at comfort. Not to mention the direct comparison/callback with the bath scene in 1x01, where she has both her power and Lan still, and now she’s lost her connection to both of them.

How is it not painfully obvious that every interaction she has after that bath scene is infused with a trauma response? Let’s tally up the devastation she’s been through. At the end of S1, she was 1. banished from the sisterhood of the white tower (they literally turned their backs on her), 2. was separated AGAIN from the love of her life fully expecting to never see her again, 3. was cut off from the other love of her life (that would be Lan, for the record) which is all the worse bc it’s her own fault for masking the bond, 4. was fully made to believe she’s been stilled from the one power aka an integral part of her being, AND 5. she’s “failed” her mission at the eye of the world – the one goal she’s had for the last 20 years, her life’s purpose – because instead of locking away the dark one she’s directly caused Rand to set Ishamael free.

You don’t think it's justified to be a little pissed off and standoffish after all of that? You don’t think the weight of that guilt, grief, pain, and loss is a reasonable cause to be distant, cold, harsh, having a little bit of a death wish? That’s TRAUMA, baby! She is absolutely wrecked, and it’s coming out in the worst way in her interactions with others (especially Lan because we’ve seen how they should be), but it’s absolutely not because she actively wants to hurt the people around her. In fact after almost every moment she lashes out at someone, we see an equally sad/grief-stricken/devastated moment from her and THAT’S the real emotion hiding underneath the anger. This woman needs therapy and understanding and patience, and does not deserve to be judged at the worst time of her life.

Ok fine, you say, but Lan IS patient and understanding with her! And she’s still an asshole to him! You’re right, Lan is absolutely trying his best and doing just about everything he can to be there for her in 2x01/2x02 (with a little help from Verin and Tomas). But 1. It’s STILL not about him, Moiraine is not obligated to respond in a certain way to her grief and pain that makes him feel better, and 2. This is Moiraine goddamn Damodred and even her trauma response is also a front to protect him, to push him away from her and what is now certainly a suicide mission to fight the dark without her powers.

This is SOOO important to really get Moiraine’s character — y’all gotta understand this: Moiraine truly loves only TWO people on the whole fucking planet: Siuan and Lan. They are also the only people who truly love her, unconditionally, with all of her flaws and imperfections. Please please ingrain that into your brain, especially for Lan, in this context. (Siuan is a whole other conversation I won’t get into at the moment.) Moiraine loves Lan, he loves her, deeply. That’s the foundation of everything they go through with each other in this season, despite what’s happening on the surface.

Once you accept that as fundamental truth, everything makes a whole lot more sense. She is a dick to him to push him away. Literally tells him he failed her to put the final nail in the coffin of driving him away, which is his worst nightmare. On the surface it seems egotistic at best, plain cruel at worst. But look underneath. Moiraine always has reasons 2, 3, 6 layers deep for everything she does.

With everyone else she’s mean to this season, namely her sister and her nephew, it’s born out of distrust (and the aforementioned trauma response). She can’t afford to trust anyone because anyone could be a dark friend. (And if they’re not a dark friend, then they become a liability and endangered.) Anything she lets slip could be used to hurt/control Rand and push them all one step closer to eternal darkness. Oh and when we see Barthanes’ true nature that turns out to be fucking justified, by the way. But I digress.

Right so why is she an asshole to Lan then? Because she doesn’t trust him? I don’t believe that for a second. These two have been on the same page, literally sharing the same headspace, for the last 20 years – she knows he’s the best person she’s ever met, the least likely to ever turn to the dark, ever. It’s an actual impossibility. So it’s not that she doesn’t trust him. She literally marvels at how courageous he must be to fight the dark with only a sword.

The true reason is: she does trust him, she does love him, and she KNOWS him. She knows that he will never leave her like this, in her darkest hour. He is both honor-bound to her (which he takes very seriously) and deeply cares for her. The problem is that now his life is in serious danger by staying with her. But there is no calmly explaining to him that he should return to the white tower for his own good and bond to another aes sedai who can actually channel, who can actually hold up her end of the partnership and protect him and heal him in return for his loyalty and sacrifice. Or better yet, find Nynaeve, who is not only ridiculously powerful and has probably the best chance of protecting him out of anyone, but who also loves him.

If Moiraine loves him and wants him safe, the ONLY option she has to protect him, the one good thing left in her life even if their bond is masked, is to drive him away. To make it so that he’ll stay far away from her of his own free will, and never come after her and her suicide mission to defeat the dark. Because she has already lost everything, she has no control over her fate anymore (if she ever had any to begin with), but the ONE thing she can still try to do is keep him safe. And hopefully, maybe he’ll be happy, one day. Her reasoning is directly confirmed for us in the last thing she says to him in 2x02 before she leaves: “Light protect you, al’Lan Mandragoran.” That was her goal all along, to protect him.

That’s the true reason she’s Like That to him. It’s all out of her love for him, and a desperate desire not to drag him down with her when she’s sure she’s destined to die on this mission. Is her strategy misguided? On the one hand yes, because she does need people to help her and she needs to trust someone, as he points out. On the other hand, she’s absolutely fucking right because look what happened with the Fade fight at the end of 2x01. Both her and Lan would have died without Verin and Tomas, and it would have been because she couldn’t channel. He is factually, logically, physically better off without her as long as she’s “stilled.”

This is why it makes sense how Lan eventually responds the way he does. He initially sees right through what she’s trying to do, he literally says he won’t let her push him away. He knows her too, better than anyone, including Siuan at this point. But he isn’t expecting her to go as far as she does, and it shakes him to his core. She tells him he failed her, has his worst fears confirmed, and then hears the words “we were never equals” and hears that she thinks she’s better than him, when she means the exact opposite. Tomas tells him to really listen but he can’t, in that moment.

But then he gets some distance, and some perspective thanks to Ihvon and Maksim, and he remembers: he loves her. He believes in her and he knows her and he knows what she’s doing to push him away (although maybe not why, when it comes to protecting him, because he doesn’t see himself as someone who needs protecting). Even better, he realizes that her situation is actually not what she thinks, that she’s shielded not stilled, and he can do something about that.

I LOVE Lan in 2x07 because he’s got Moiraine’s number now, and he will not be swayed by any further attempts (rather weak attempts at this point) to lash out at him. He just takes all the shit she throws at him, and calmly asks her what he needs to know and tells her what she needs to hear (“hopefully everything we’ve lost” and “that’s what I thought” and “you need to trust someone, Moiraine”), and is truthful with her even if she is still putting on this act with him in her fear and grief. He isn’t having any of it, he sees straight through it to the fear and pain underneath. And he literally DECIDES they are going to be okay, and then he fucking. Follows. Through.

He is not a doormat to her rage, he is not her servant, he’s not going back to her with his tail between his legs. He SHOWS UP for her in her darkest hour, when NO ONE, not even Siuan, can see what’s going on with her. That’s a true friend, a true hero, and absolute king behavior.

In conclusion, Moiraine’s behavior in s2, while not cute, is totally justified given the trauma, circumstances and everything she’s dealing with (jfc the lack of sleep alone) and makes sense in light of her ultimate goal to protect the world, which includes protecting Lan. And Lan’s response, once he figures out what to do, is the absolute correct way to handle the situation and is not weakness at all but strength in the highest order.

I’m so glad we got the payoff of all that with their conversation in 2x08 and reconnecting the bond. It was so beautiful, so earned, and reminded us of the level they’re on with each other — which is a soul connection way beyond what any of us can imagine.

[atopvisenyashill]

Harrenhal will be the new seat of what’s left of the Seven Kingdoms at the ending.

I know a few people have already said bits and pieces of this but I wanted to get everything in one post for my own sanity lmao. There’s three kind of main branches to this theory: geographical reasons, historical reasons, and reasons specific to King Bran theories.

Geography surrounding Harrenhal

It’s the center of everything! Let me show you on the map because i’m a visual learner:

Ignore the North and Dorne and probably the Iron Islands too, bc the first two are not gonna be part of The Seven Kingdoms anymore and the Iron Islands is…gonna be a fucking mess lmao. Lemme zoom in:

It’s a very centralized point in the Riverlands but it’s also fairly centralized to the Crownlands (which will probably get absorbed into the others), the Stormlands, the Eyrie, the Reach, and the Westerlands. It makes sense, from a geographical standpoint, that if the lords need to choose a new ruling seat - and they will no matter what, because King’s Landing is gonna go boom - that a more centralized location for easier access to the capital would be their decision.

The Riverlands is also an excellent choice in general because geographically, they are always getting screwed due to being right in the middle of everyone. They get fucked during the Dance, the Blackfyre Rebellions, Robert’s Rebellion, AND the War of the Five Kings. The only area that really gets screwed over more during the various wars is probably the Dornish Marches, because of the conflicts between the stony Dornishmen and the Storm and Reacher Lords but you can’t really set up there because it’s too far from the Eyrie and Riverlands.

And the thing about the Riverlands is that part of why it gets fucked up is that it’s right in the middle of everything and has no natural defenses. The Eyrie has the mountains, the North has their snow, the Dornish has their desert. The Reach manages to stay out of a lot of fighting because that’s where the food is (although the Iron Islands are about to screw them, but that’s because the war has spiraled out of control) and while both the Stormlands and the Westerlands have seen big battles, they have some protection in their coasts, which gives them ships that the Riverlands just can’t quite access. Having the King set up in the Riverlands gives the smallfolk of the Riverlands some much needed protection and potentially, a break from all the fighting.

So the Riverlands is a good place to set up shop, but Harrenhal specifically? Well, that’s because it’s huge:

Every child of the Trident knew the tales told of Harrenhal, the vast fortress that King Harren the Black had raised beside the waters of Gods Eye three hundred years past, when the Seven Kingdoms had been seven kingdoms, and the riverlands were ruled by the ironmen from the islands. In his pride, Harren had desired the highest hall and tallest towers in all Westeros. Forty years it had taken, rising like a great shadow on the shore of the lake while Harren's armies plundered his neighbors for stone, lumber, gold, and workers. Thousands of captives died in his quarries, chained to his sledges, or laboring on his five colossal towers. Men froze by winter and sweltered in summer. Weirwoods that had stood three thousand years were cut down for beams and rafters. Harren had beggared the riverlands and the Iron Islands alike to ornament his dream. And when at last Harrenhal stood complete, on the very day King Harren took up residence, Aegon the Conqueror had come ashore at King's Landing.

If it’s going to be the capital, it has to be somewhere that can hold a whole lot of people and Harrenhal is ginormous and perfect for holding lots of people. It’s even happened before; part of why Lord Whent stages his big tourney where Lyanna is crowned queen of love and beauty is because likely because Ser Oswell Whent, his brother on the Kingsguard, asked him to stage an excuse to get all the Lords together so Rhaegar could discuss with them what to do about his father and Harrenhal is the biggest castle they can do that in outside of King’s Landing. From The Kingbreaker chapter:

Old Lord Whent had announced the tourney shortly after a visit from his brother, Ser Oswell Whent of the Kingsguard. With Varys whispering in his ear, King Aerys became convinced that his son was conspiring to depose him, that Whent's tourney was but a ploy to give Rhaegar a pretext for meeting with as many great lords as could be brought together.

It’s also built up to be sturdier than King’s Landing. Whereas King’s Landing was kind of haphazardly thrown together as it built up over the years, Harren the Black had always meant for a lot of people to be housed there. We see how many people can live in it during Arya’s chapters as she runs around inside of it and Harrentown and this is with a ruler who has no interest in keeping a lot of people in it. With a King or Queen living there, it opens itself up to growing in a much more easily defensible way than King’s Landing.

Historical Reasons Harrenhal is Significant

As you can see on the map, it’s built right on the edge of a very important place: The Isle of Faces and the lake that surrounds it, called the Gods Eye.

It’s a key place for the history of Westeros because it’s where the First Men and the Children of the Forest made peace:

Inexorably, the war ground on across generations, until at last the children understood that they could not win. The First Men, perhaps tired of war, also wished to see an end to the fighting. The wisest of both races prevailed, and the chief heroes and rulers of both sides met upon the isle in the Gods Eye to form the Pact…

It’s also notable for being the only place the Andals never managed to conquer:

It is possible that a few [Children of the Forest] survived on the Isle of Faces, as some have written, under the protection of the green men, whom the Andals never succeeded in destroying.

It’s a place associated with peace and negotiations between people, a place to stand strong against war and untouched by its horrors. A monument to what could be, if you will. And Harrenhal sits on its shore; it would add a very rich layer to setting up King’s Landing in a place associated with peace. And this isn’t the only time a succession crisis of sorts is settled there. The Great Council of 101 AC was held there.

To resolve the matter of his heir once and for all, Jaehaerys called the first Great Council in the year 101 AC, to put the matter before the lords of the realm. And from all corners of the realm the lords came. No castle could hold so many save for Harrenhal, so it was there that they gathered. The lords, great and small, came with their trains of bannermen, knights, squires, grooms, and servants. And behind them came yet more—the camp followers and washerwomen, the hawkers and smiths and carters. Thousands of tents sprang up over the moons, until the castle town of Harrenton was accounted the fourth largest city of the Realm.

Once again, we have Harrenhal associated with peace and negotiation in its history. However, that’s not all it’s associated with; there are several very significant battles that take place near the Gods Eye - again, it is in the middle of everything. It’s a place with lots of history and lots of ties to everyone in Westeros. There’s the Battle Beneath the Gods Eye between Maegor and Aegon the Uncrowned, The Battle of the Lake Shore and The Battle Over the Gods Eye during the Dance, as well as the story of Addam Velaryon landing Seasmoke on the Isle of Faces to take counsel from the green men after being accused of treason. It is, all in all, a very significant place in Westeros.

But that’s not the only reason Harrenhal is talked about. Basically every single time Harrenhal is brought up, someone will mention that it’s haunted. This belief comes because of Aegon the Conquerer and Harren the Black. While Orys Baratheon and Rhaenys march for the Stormlands & Daemon Velaryon and Visenya left for the Vale, Aegon himself first turns towards Harren the Black and the Riverlands. All three face opposition but Aegon conquers the Riverlands first because Harren is so ill loved:

So now the riverlands rose against him, led by Lord Edmyn Tully of Riverrun. Summoned to the defense of Harrenhal, Tully declared for House Targaryen instead, raised the dragon banner over his castle, and rode forth with his knights and archers to join his strength to Aegon’s. His defiance gave heart to the other riverlords. One by one, the lords of the Trident renounced Harren and declared for Aegon the Dragon. Blackwoods, Mallisters, Vances, Brackens, Pipers, Freys, Strongs … summoning their levies, they descended on Harrenhal.

And he makes very quick work of Harrenhal, making it the first Kingdom to become part of the Seven Kingdoms:

The riverlords outside the castle walls said later that the towers of Harrenhal glowed red against the night, like five great candles … and like candles, they began to twist and melt, as runnels of molten stone ran down their sides.

Ever since the burning of Harrenhal, no House has been able to hold it without going extinct soon after. For House Targaryen’s rule in Westeros to start with Harren the Black’s hubris and the fall of Harrenhal, and end with Harrenhal becoming the new seat of the King of the Four (??) Kingdoms is a really neat connection.

Reasons Why It Works With King Bran

But wait! you say. Didn’t you just say that Harrenhal is cursed??

Why yes I did. HOWEVER. There is one family that the Curse of Harrenhal supposedly never touched: The Whents.

You see, from Harren the Black up until the Whents, every other House in charge of it has gone extinct.

House Hoare? That’s Harren’s house and we all know what happened there - they don’t call him Balerion the Black Dread for no reason.

House Qoherys? Dead less than three decades later.

House Harroway? Wiped out a decade later.

House Towers? died out within two decades, ending with sickly Maegor Towers and then old and tired Rhaena Targaryen, until the two odd friends died and the holdings were free again.

House Strong? Well…between the fire that kills Harwin and Lyonel, Larys’ shenanigans getting him merced by Cregan, and Aemond just straight committing a minor genocide in the Riverlands, they all died out (except maybe Alys Rivers’ baby but we don’t have any info there).

House Lothston? Interestingly, they hold the castle for several decades, but they too went completely extinct under King Maekar.

So we come to House Whent. They’ve held it for about 6 ish decades and though they’ve also had some bad luck, they’ve had their people grow old - Walter Whent who threw the tourney is called “Old Lord Whent” by Barristan, and Shella Whent is old when she dies. But the most interesting thing is Minisa Whent.

We don’t know a lot about the Whent line, only that Shella refused to bend the knee to Joffrey, fled Harrenhal when it was attacked, and later died. You could say the curse still got them but in every other case, the whole line dies, not just the main line! Even Janos Slynt has no descendants and Littlefinger will have none to inherit either. But the Whents do: they have House Tully. Minisa Whent married Hoster Tully and had Catelyn and Edmure. The Whents are known for their sharp cheekbones and both Catelyn and Sansa, funny enough, are described as having sharp cheekbones. This very close relation could mean that the Starklings have a claim to Harrenhal through their mother.

This fits with King Bran because we know the lords are perfectly fine fudging things and going through the female line if it fits their needs. They did the same thing with Robert and his grandmother Rhaelle Targaryen, who married Ormund Targaryen, Steffon’s mother. Renly says here:

Oh, there was talk of the blood ties between Baratheon and Targaryen, of weddings a hundred years past, of second sons and elder daughters. No one but the maesters care about any of it.

The maesters love a loophole inheritance.

And remember that the odds of surviving the books for the Baratheons and Targaryens is very, very low. It’s pretty much just bastards all the way down (on both sides lmao, because I do not think either Young Griff or Dany are gonna survive). And whenever the inheritance isn’t clear, a Great Council is called. Catelyn even suggested it while parlying with the Baratheons:

Let the three of you call for a Great Council, such as the realm has not seen for a hundred years. We will send to Winterfell, so Bran may tell his tale and all men may know the Lannisters for the true usurpers. Let the assembled lords of the Seven Kingdoms choose who shall rule them.

Mentioning Bran, of course. A lot of people think it’s far fetched and while I do think him being so young is gonna be a hard sell now that the time jump is gone, I don’t think it’s that far fetched that the lords of the Stormlands, The Reach, the Eyrie, and The Westerlands would be convinced to choose Hoster Tully’s grandson and Ned Stark’s baby boy to rule over them.

And finally, Robb wasn’t called “Robb Stark, King in the North” he was also explicitly called “King of the Trident.” All the talk about who is Robb’s heir but look at how they all think of themselves - “as brave as Robb” “as strong as Robb” or they’ll have sons and name them Robb. Whereas Who Rules The North is all tied up in Robb’s legacy, the Iron Throne isn’t! If King Bran rules from the Riverlands, however, it gives Bran that tie to Robb; he gets to protect and rule from the lands Robb swore to protect, the lands he ultimately fought and died in. For Bran, he still gets to be Robb’s heir, at least in spirit, and I think that would be, to Bran, something very bittersweet.

[bunchofdoodlesinspace]

Im kinda shocked I’m not seeing more about the parallels between what Laudna did and what Ashton did last night bc currently that’s what I can’t stop thinking about. This theme of self-sacrifice that just keeps coming back over and over. And it makes so, so much sense to me given who this party is made out of.

Ages ago they really fully grasped that they’re all just powder kegs waiting to blow, that at any moment any of them could cause serious harm to the others, whether it be because of the powers they wield of the unfortunate circumstances of their existence- They’re all dangers to each other in some way.

And now, we’re seeing that theme sort of twist into this concept of “fuck it. I have this power, and I could destroy the world and my friends and myself using it, but I might as well try to use it for something good on the way down” and there’s just. There’s something so tragic and beautiful about that. To finally have people you care about so much that you would destroy yourself to see them survive.

In my head, that’s why Laudna is accepting the help of her own murderer. It’s not to walk down this path of darkness, but to give herself the strength she feels she needs to take down the threats in front of them. If that comes at the cost of her sanity, her relationships with the others, her life? So be it. She’s died before, and she’ll do it again if everyone she loves, who have loved her in spite of everything (esp Imogen), can survive and live happy lives.

Same thing with Ashton. No, two shards were not meant be handled by one person. But Fearne didn’t seem to want it, no one else was going to take it, and but they still need the power. Because what they’re facing isn’t anything like anyone has ever seen, they need everything they can possibly get. And if the risk of taking on that power was his own life? Fine. He’s died before too. And for the rest of his friends? The people who have loved him despite everything? For Fearne? He’d do it. Even if it was just to give them a chance.

These aren’t selfish decisions made to try and gain power. This is selflessness to the most dangerous degree. It’s a demonstration of how much they love and how little love they think they deserve in return. It’s a recognition of how big this threat is, how desperate they are for a chance to succeed even if it means they won’t all come back.

I said it in the tags of another post I reblogged and I will say it over and over again.

This shit doesn’t come out of a place of hate.

It only ever comes out of a place of love.

And it is absolutely heartbreaking.

[sniffanimal]

I think one thing to remember about (some presentations of) ADHD is that it isn't always a literal internal dialogue of "That task is overwhelming/too hard/too many steps/unrewarding so I won't do it". For me, it's more like the idea of doing that task slides off my brain like butter in a hot pan. I will look at an overwhelming task and before I even finish the thought of "I should do that" my brain shakes like an etch a sketch and I've already forgotten it.

This particularly pissed my mom off when I was a kid because it's hard for me to see a sink full of dishes and associate that with "I need to do dishes", or she'd tell me to vacuum but because I wasn't immediately looking at a vacuum, I'd forget to do it. ADHD was weirdly very quiet for me, because I just wouldn't see things that overwhelmed me!

I'm now an adult who has lived on my own (/with another ADHD roommate) for 8 years now, been through therapy, and am medicated, so under the readmore I'll put some ways I combat this clear-cache process my brain does.

(obligatory im not a therapist or a doctor or anything so make sure you're consulting with those folks before doing anything major with your life. I have ADHD and have been treated for it, as well as I teach kids how to manage their neurodiversity as a job)

"I just can't remember to do something that I need to do regularly." This sucks to hear, but the answer really is routines. Routines are essential for helping manage sanity and overwhelm and keeping your house in order. And I know, firsthand, that ADHDers struggle with forming routines, but here's my major tips: scaffold. Scaffolding, or chaining, or stacking or any other name refers to picking something you already do at a set time (it's easiest if it's something you HAVE to do, like go to work or wake up in the morning, etc), and pairing your new routine task with that. And also its important to only try adding one thing to a routine at a time. Don't try to start showering, brushing your teeth, packing tomorrow's lunch, setting out clothes for the morning, reading, journalling, and doing yoga before bed all at once. Start with just brushing your teeth before you go to bed every day for like 2 weeks. Once you're solid on doing that, start adding in something else! People kinda hate on the book bc it's full of platitudes but I really liked a lot of the stuff in Atomic Habits by James Clear for setting new habits.

"I can't remember to do something that I don't need to do regularly. It's hard because I can't work it into a routine." It is not a shameful thing to need to make different visual or physical reminder for when you need to do things. Two things I particularly struggle with is turning the A/C off when I leave a room, or turning the oven off when I'm done using it. For the former, I have a small card I laminated that says 'turn off heat' that I velcro to the thermostat. When I turn the A/C on, I take the card and put it in my pocket or on my shirt or hair or somewhere where I will have it with me so that I can see the card later and remember to turn it off. For the latter, I have a necklace that I put a little tag on it that says 'OVEN' on it. When I turn the oven on, I put the necklace on, and it stays on until I turn the oven off and can take the necklace off. Try creating environmental things that work for you! I've seen people put their meds next to the canned cat food because their cats would remind them to feed them, and they would see their meds then and remember to take them!

"My working memory is really poor, I forget what I was doing in the middle of doing it." This is a kind of hard one to work on without just actively doing things in your life, but something I find that kinda helps me is doing puzzles! I'm not a big jigsaw puzzle person, but I love sudoku, pictogram, and crosswords (and some of the other things like wordle etc.) Logic puzzles are another good way to work on needing to hold something in your working memory. Puzzle video games like Portal are also good for exercising your working memory. Working memory is a bit like a muscle, and needs to be stretched to hone as a skill. When you're in the middle of one task, and another one comes up, having a pen and paper ALWAYS handy makes it easy to jot down a reminder about something you need to do later. This is often called a 'parking lot', and works well for me!

Closing notes: 2 other books to check out are How to ADHD by jessica mccabe, and The Anti-planner by Dani Donovan. The former is extremely good for an overview of what living with ADHD and working with your brain is like, and the latter is actionable activities to help with breaking tasks into more manageable formats.

[dizzybizz]

you have unleashed a demon. i warned you.

i don't think this is going to have any structure whatsoever but i will pretend it does for my own sanity.

i want to start with some behind the scenes stuff bc obviously i do

like i only named guy that because i didn't want to think too hard about names and he has always been a silly little guy. his farms name is sail away farm,,, like the enya song. that's where it came from but really it's a SSS reference cus i will bring other SIs into this somehow. (it was from one of the ai dungeon streams... when julia wrapped up yet another accidental psychological horror story by sailing away whilst listening "to the tunes of enya")

and with remy i had already planned on romancing harvey so i wanted a name i could make a funny shipname of. their shipname is harmy (ironic isn't it ^^). stowaway farm came from some thoughts i had about remy's life before moving to pelican town. where he didn't feel welcome and like the people around him weren't keen on being seen with him. and i just liked the ring it has to it :) the two of them both having farms with "away" in the name was accidental and didn't hit me until after it was too late to change it.

here they are at the character creation screen !!!!

GUY IS MY SILLIEST LITTLE GUY. he's like a hamster or a chipmunk or other small rodents

him asf ^^^^

he's also like ponyo to me, he is very ponyocoded. his theme song would be the full version of ponyo on the cliff by the sea.

he is a biter, a chewer. he's kirby, a chainchomper... he would snack on rocks if he could. he's the breakdancing sims cat. he has bad volume control. he is an octopus, a koala, a monkey. he names a lot of his farm animals after fictional characters. but his hens are named hip, hop, cherry and pop after the lemon demon song. he would take a sip of a joja cola and go "oh, that is vile" and keep taking sips like he needs to confirm it multiple times.

him and elliott are so silly..... their shipname is gull which worked out so well it almost seems intentional. they both got ties to the ocean and beach... we love to see it. they got together the day after elliott's birthday, not only that but it was also right before elliott's 8 heart event. so it was really like guy came in before his book reading, asked him out and then was all "THAT'S MY BF EVERYONE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH" during the reading... he is his biggest cheerleader

he is best friends with emily and shane. and when emily mentioned that she would make a good clown during the stardew fair, he said "this is why we're best friends. we would be the best clowns." and he ate three burgers in a row that day. one day during blackberry season he collected 93 blackberries and was just running around the town with them on his person. him and gus have history together which i will make a whole comic about some day. whilst gaming with abigail he ran into enemies twice and got himself killed. he accidentally bought a pirate sword from marlon. he has died once. he is trying to goad alex into actually shaving his hair off because of that one throwaway comment. HE HAS TWO GARBAGE HATS. (tootsies is SO getting the other one once 1.6 is out)

^ this is what he wore for spirit's eve, called it "farmer in a rush" (he literally just took off his shorts)

i have way less on remy cus he isn't as far along and has had a mostly average time in pelican town so far.

remy is just a big dog who is scared of most things. he is a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time. he feels very out of place in social interactions. his limbs are too long for him. he is trying his best.

he can come off as very... displeased... his resting face just looks slightly ticked off. really he's a big softie. he has some real unfortunate luck too.. except the night of the egg hunt when he had a fairy visit. he holds onto that little bit of luck there. a glimmer of hope. he had a meteor crash in the middle of his farm, luckily his crops were safe and sound tho, small mercies. weeds damaged his farm the same night the scripted earthquake hit. one day in the mines he got so lost in the dark he had to give up for the day and head up to the surface again, he was one level away from an elevator. he is financially struggling. he names his animals after food. his theme song would probably be cave in by margaux or something.

harmy is a slow-burn, strangers to friends to lovers scenario. they're delightful, i can't wait to see their relationship develop. remy kinda wanted to ask harvey to dance during the flower dance but chickened out (totally not because i only had 3 hearts with him stfu) (also those two pages aren't canon in my headcanon cus i think both of them would be oblivious and dumb as a rock. i just wanted to draw it lol. i think it takes a whileeee for either of them to ever catch feelings.)

he doesn't know many of the villagers too well. he is taking his time settling in fully and is so busy with the farm and mines and fishing and whatnot. oh y'know when sam asks you what his next song should be about?? yeah, remy said trains which has planted the idea that he is a former train kid in my head. and that's something he and harvey can bond over- i think it's really sweet :'). train and plane autism couple. remy has a sweet tooth. he feels intimidated by most villagers. i have a whole hair arc planned for him where he ends up growing his hair out once he really settles in. it's gonna be so epic. he went through 3 of emily's heart events in a row which was wild.

his chest lineup >>>>>

here's an expression sheet i started and will hopefully finish one day

i think that's all for now- I TOLD YOU IT WAS GOING TO BE A LONG POST NO?? ARE YOU HAPPY??? I AM. INFODUMPING IS AWESOME.

i ain't proofreading this are you kidding me.

y'all summoned this. my mutuals summoning my infodump demon with their summoning triangle. feeding my hyperfixation.

[vacantgodling]

climbs into your askbox

hi i'm responding a little late to your request for wip questions but that's okay

anyway. head empty rn, but i'd love to hear a bit more about a wip of yours i've been curious about!!! vampires don't take road trips. i would like to learn more. i realize that's not a specific question so: looking at the main cast, what's something each of them would hate to be *seen* as and why? (i.e. if someone would hate to be seen as stupid, or would hate to be seen as unreliable, something like that)

or alternatively. silly question. rate the main cast in order from "will show up exactly on time on the dot to the function" to "will like clockwork show up at least an hour later than they were told to." feel free to elaborate on your rankings if you want!

this took me forever to answer im so sorry 💀💀💀

eee you are always welcome in my inbox :3c

i did make a powerpoint intro for this wip too so i link just so you can stare at it later lmaoo -> here

but these are both EXCELLENT questions, and for once i may have answers bc ive had these ocs for like a decade 💀

so, ig if we stick to the main main cast (which ngl is hard to determine for me but i suppose that’d be darren, dave, liz, olice, and veronica… at least for the first half of the book lmaooo) — for the easy question of who’s showing up on time versus who is showing up late in that order:

dave, veronica, olice, darren, liz

as for why:

dave is a lawyer and a generally punctual person and is somewhat anxious. he prefers to be 5 minutes early.

veronica is a wannabe socialite and so her image is contingent on if she shows up on time and so she’ll be there on the dot.

olice is used to her mothers antics and she feels like it’s rude to be ridiculously late so she tries to be there between on time or 5-10 minutes late at the most.

darren is more lax and tends to get distracted so if he shows up like 30 minutes late to the function it’s chill. the only time he’s on time is when dave is with him LOL

liz is an Actual socialite but she doesn’t care about that or social events in general so she tends to be “fashionably late” and people “forgive” her bc of her status 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

for the harder question:

DARREN: the way this is actually a hard question for my actually emotionally intelligent son LMAOOO. i think in general he hates being seen as dramatic, or someone who makes a big deal out of things. he’s a chill guy, and for his own sanity he prefers to stay chill if and when possible. the times that he’s had outbursts or had people accuse him of being overly dramatic are the few things that haunt him in life. i think the reason as to why… it’s a bit hard to say. but i think it comes down to the fact that in not wanting to be bothered with things himself, he tries not to bother other people. he’s more likely to assume that he’s getting on someone’s nerves or pissing them off and would just ghost them to avoid drama instead of fully confronting the situation. he Will if he needs to, but he’d just rather not because … idk? he just doesn’t think it’s worth the trouble. he’d rather keep his peace and be wrong than rock the boat and be right. it’s definitely something he’s kinda picked up from his dad, but darren manages to be waaaay more chill that even dave is because he just keeps people at arms length unless it’s his dad or olice. he learns how to do that less but the idea of letting people in enough to ruffle his inner peace is also. hm. not something he’s fond of. so basically, he’s not conflict avoidant he’s more conflict neutral and likes to take the path of least resistance if any of that makes sense.

DAVE: he hates being seen as weak. he recognizes that this is very irrational but it’s a fear and discomfort that developed from his own father, who was extremely harsh on him growing up, and even harsher if dave got upset or cried or wasn’t “manly.” so for him, being “weak” comes with a host of trauma around it that he’s still working through many years later. it doesn’t trigger him as bad as it used to, but it definitely still can.

LIZ: liz is a bit weird because she doesn’t really care how other people perceive her—she just doesn’t like being responsible for those assumptions people have of her character? so i wouldn’t say she hates being seen as competent but she hates being seen as something she’s “not” or something that she doesn’t take credit for. she’s not responsible for your preception of her yknow. if i had to say why it’s because she’s fiercely independent. she’s going to do what she wants to do and what she thinks is best no matter what and she’s usually not interested in hearing other people’s opinions; she’s quite stubborn. bending to other people’s whims is a bruise to her ego and she has done it before and hates herself for falling to that sort of weakness instead of doing what she wanted to do. so in a manner of speaking she hates being seen as controllable and hates being seen as weak in a somewhat similar way to dave, but more because of her personal pride than trauma. she’s an extremely proud woman lol.

OLICE: ngl, she hates being seen as her mother’s daughter. veronica hasn’t been the Best mother to olice. after she decided to return to the us and break up with her father in india (without even saying a word mind you so olice has never met the man. and before anyone says “maybe he was abusive” as the author i’m telling you, he wasn’t. veronica just got in over her head and then bailed, only thinking of herself but then didn’t take the proper steps to make sure her daughter felt loved or to be a good single parent 🤷🏽‍♂️), olice has only been treated by her mom and her mom’s extended family as a doll or an extension of her mother. better to be seen, not heard; the only interests that were fostered in a meaningful way were the ones that she shared with her mother. veronica often speaks over her and isn’t cognizant of her needs, more content to chase her aspirations than care about her daughter unless her daughter can be sort of “used” for something. she hates being reminded that they’re related. she refuses to go by the american (and technically legal) name that her mother gave her which is clara. her mother did at least tell her the name that her father wanted to name her/the name she and him agreed on in india which was olichudar and that’s why she goes by that. clara and olichudar have similar meanings which is how her mother came around to the name (clara meaning bright/famous, and olichudar meaning brilliant) but olice doesn’t think it suits her and she hates being called it. she also has her mothers sister’s name as an “honor name” so her cousins and extended family call her “cc” a lot and she hates it to Death. she became grateful when her mom started dating dave because it was through him that olice started getting some of the freedom to express herself and to try and reconnect with her indian heritage; with dave keeping veronica distracted or off her back about it. even though many say that her mother loves her in her own way (even dave sometimes and that’s the only thing she and he disagree on), olice has never felt real, unconditional love from her mother. especially when she compares it to dave and darren’s relationship. they’re close, dave takes an active interest in the things darren likes, he’s supportive and cares about darren’s comfortability and cares about loving him more than anything else, even veronica. and olice can look back on her life before dave and darren and think how she was content with crumbs from her mother; veronica only wanted olice around when she could brag about her or show her off, then toss her to the side when she didn’t want to deal with her. no interest in olice outside of how she looked being a “strong woman raising a kid on her own” when as far as olice knows from her mother’s own words, her bio dad wanted to be there for her. meeting dave and seeing his relationship with darren has made olice much more bitter and resentful of her mother but the only reason she hasn’t tried to push her and dave breaking up is because she doesn’t want to lose what she considers her real family and father figure. olice is sure that one day she’s either gonna have to cut contact with her mother, or her mother’s going to abandon her. and i won’t tell you which one, but this roadtrip proves one of those theories right. :)

also to be said, veronica isn’t a traditionally abusive person towards olice—not physically or even verbally. what olice goes through is more akin to my own relationship with my mother growing up, where it’s more neglectful and about not being seen or not being emotionally valued versus being physically taken care of. i don’t call it “abuse” in the book specifically just because i have a hard time thinking of what i went through as abuse myself but it definitely Hurts and is unhealthy and that’s what i want to get at irregardless. all of this to say, as an aside, this is something i always knew but never talked about but veronica and olice’s relationship vs darren and dave’s has always been olice is who i am and veronica is who my mother was (in an exaggerated, less religious way) and darren is who i wished i was and dave was who i wished my mother was 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

VERONICA: this is sort of a roundabout, 2-part answer, but she hates being seen as both “the other woman” and as “poor” — and basically both of those answers circle around into an inferority complex. with the first, it stems off of her insecurities when it comes to being with dave, and as much as i love dave to death and am somewhat uncharitable to veronica (because of darren really 🤷🏽‍♂️) i do *understand* where she’s coming from. you should never be made to feel “not good enough” in a relationship; and it’s hard to tell where the divide is for dave Specifically makes her feel that way (though not necessarily intentionally; hurt people hurt people etc etc) or if this is a particular Complex that she projects onto him. but the fact of the matter is, all of the things about their relationship, she has pretty much had to pursue herself. she met dave at an event, and she took a liking to him. she approached him, flirted, got his number, text incessantly until he agreed to a date, then two, and constantly made their plans, and was even the one to ask him to be exclusive. dave was very very passive in a lot of this, and when she was under the assumption that his former partner/baby mama (liz) was dead, it became easy for her to justify her actions. dave was grieving and clearly had been for too long, and she just wanted to get him out of his shell—he was too handsome and too kind to be alone for the rest of his life, in her opinion (not that it’s really her call to make, but i digress). she was only giving him permission to be himself again! and in some ways she is correct, wallowing over liz for the rest of his life certainly isn’t healthy, and dave on some level is aware of that, which is why he sort of… went along with everything regarding veronica. and they had a healthy relationship Before she found out that liz was actually still alive, and dave was just still in love with her. now, ngl, im not 100% sure how she finds this out; bc dave certainly doesn’t talk about liz that often if he can avoid it, not even with his own son, so like hell is he going to talk about it to the new woman he’s seeing (he’s just that kind of guy). all i Do know is that it was several years into their relationship, and around the time that she and her daughter olice moved in with darren and dave. and when she found this out, she was fucking livid honestly. what does this woman who Left You when you needed her most have that EYE, a present, loving, caring partner, don’t? so anytime she and dave had a spat, anytime she clashed with darren or anything went wrong, she became more and more bitter. convinced that she would always be a second fiddle to this woman she’d never met. and the worst part is, she is Partially proven right when liz finally does enter the picture and suddenly dave and liz have more sparks and chemistry than she (in her mind) feels like she and dave have. and this could potentially be because liz is darren’s mother and veronica has never taken an interest in dave’s son the way that he has wholly embraced being a father to olice, but in her micro-defense, darren has never wanted a mom in general, let alone a new one 🤷🏽‍♂️ ANYWAY though, all of this sort of stems from her childhood (as many traumas do) especially in comparing herself unfairly to her sister, cynthia—unfortunate because cynthia adores her and they’re thick as thieves but to veronica cynthia was always the sister who got what she wanted. she was beautiful, the belle of their hometown, grauated with honors, went to college and found a man who was head over heels for her and who spoils her like crazy, has a big happy family, is Rich…. and what does veronica have to show for her life? she got pregnant on a missions trip and abandoned the father, she never finished college, failed relationship after failed relationship where on more than one occasion she’s been “the other woman” … it’s too much! and no matter how much dave assures her that he has no plans of getting back with liz, the man can’t look at her and say he loves her even after ten years together. SO!!!!

[nicistrying]

My sanity is hanging by a thread today. Had a lovely day at work sat with all the girls, chatting wedding stuff and just generally having a nice time. Met my sister in law for lunch and she was just really off with me, judgmental about the wedding, has been talking to our mother in law about my IUD which frankly is no one else's fucking business. I was pissed that Matt had talked to his parents about it at the weekend when I didn't go over to their house with him bc I was in agony, but I don't need family discussions to be happening about my uterus and my choice of contraception. Matt had explained to his mam that I made the choice to be in significant physical pain rather than be mentally fucked up with paranoia, anxiety, mood swings and depression which is what happened when I took the pill. I spent years working on my mental health and finally got meds for it and didn't want to ruin it by pumping myself full of hormones. Like this was not a lightly made decision but it's the decision I made. And yes I am still going to complain about it bc it's really fucking painful and the options I was choosing between were all terrible. It's bullshit that these are the choices women have to make and then we get judged for them, by other women of all people? His mam is a fucking doctor and she often works on maternity wards!!! Like pray tell, what other magical option do I have?? Doctors would never give me permanent sterilisation bc I'm too young, likewise with a vasectomy for Matt and if he did have one his parents would go ape shit that he wasn't carrying on the family bloodline 🤢🤢🤢🤢 like why can't they just leave us alone and accept our decisions that we make in our own lives. I was thinking I should reach out to them since I haven't seen them for a few weeks but they can fuck themselves.

Anyway then went back to work for the afternoon, our systems were totally off for annual billing process so we literally couldn't do any work so I just sat ordering wedding stuff. A lil flower crown for me to try on, a load of cute little coloured glass bottles for the tables, and the cake topper. AND THEN I get home feeling a little icky, drag myself upstairs to work out and get some endorphins going, and I have to push Maggie out of my way and she fucking snaps at me?? She's been told to go to bed and we'll ignore her the rest of the night but come on dude! I didn't need this! So now I'm sitting on the floor in my gym gear about to give up ans go eat dinner with Matt instead bc I don't really have time to work out now. Urgh thank god it's Friday tomorrow. We're going for a little date night to a restaurant down by the river and I was going to invite Matt's brother and sister in law but after how she was today we'll just go by ourselves. Happy Thursday everyone!! 🤘

[fractured-shield]

Hiiiiii! I would like to request a rambling about your WIP. Anything you've been wanting to talk about?? Yeah, I want to hear about that!!

omg hi!!!! hm okay let me see. i've been in the middle of redrafting the entire thing for the past few months so i am full of a multitude of very disorganized thoughts. i think i'll talk about my mc's mother bc i recently had so many good ideas about her (you can see her here)

things to know about Leithe. she's 5'5". I've spelled her name about half a dozen different ways through my drafts. she's really bad at lying. she's pan. i associate her with sunflowers and yellow chrysanthemums.

she was the child of lesser nobles in Ngelorim (one of 3 kingdoms that was later abandoned) and despite socially really not needing to do anything of the sort, she was a very outspoken peace advocate and proponent of strengthening the Alliance to include non-elves. (in this setting, elves aren't really like...better in any way? they just live a long time, and humans think they're sort of cowards and unreliable, due to the whole "abandoning kingdoms after magic eco-warfare caused a mass soil degradation speedrun" thing, which is remembered with a lot less nuance by human oral retellings.)

she was coppersmith (?) by hobby. that's very specific so idk for sure but she made jewelry of some variety and was like. passably decent at it. just for fun. she was halfway decent with a sword, I'm thinking maybe like a light sabre/rapier, again just for fun and because she liked staying active and like. queer woman's fixation on swords and all that.

she met idhren at some stuffy social event, where she was speaking about a probably-unpopular political stance. at the time, he was serving on the council in Linador (one of the other 3 kingdoms) as a mediator, or...maybe he was already on the larger Alliance council I need to redo the timeline. and he was immediately just so impressed because, you know, she didn't have to be saying any of that, it wasn't popular, but she didn't care. so naturally he Did Not Fucking Talk To Her. at least not on purpose. later that night he went outside for some fresh air (introvert social battery on 0%) and ran into her. and they hit it off, kind of bonded over people seeing only surface-level things about them. she was pissed off about only being seen as a pretty face and nobody listening to her words, and he was uncomfortable with the unwanted attention of people always pointing out his foreign Fairalmin accent.

they eventually became pretty close friends. don't worry about the timeline. hundred years or so lmao. a very "he fell first, she fell harder" type thing: he kind of always saw her as like a safe person, someone he enjoyed being around and who was entirely captivating as an aside, but he was perfectly content to leave it at that and never mention it. she'd only seen him as like, very serious in a quiet melancholy sort of way, sort of demure and whatever, and vaguely knew he'd been a low-ranking military officer before a council mediator, but at some point saw him sparring and in armor and was just like. "oh. ok cool. im very normal about this. fuck." i made a post of her with the "babygirl your enormous eyebags and just barely noticeable tremor have captivated me" meme and like. yeah.

at that point he was on the Alliance war-council thing I mentioned, and in a...well I hesitate to call it a relationship, with the general/warmaster leading it all. worked closely under him, they'd both experienced similar losses they hadn't really healed from, the warmaster wanted a purely physical distraction from the stress of war/his partner's death. again, Idhren was perfectly content to ignore his own feelings of wanting something more, but finally he did have to break it off just for his own sanity. honestly, he and Leithe (who were sort of figuring out their feelings by then) would've been okay with a casual poly thing if it'd been on the table.

anyways, in the war's aftermath they became a couple in earnest. at some point Therien (my mc) was born. she's a weird little fucker lmao i love her dearly. when Therien was 12, Leithe was part of some peace convoy during a nearby kingdom's civil war, and was killed when they were attacked.

idhren was like "oh my god i am not mentally stable enough to be responsible for raising a child in a healthy environment she needs to stay with my friend for a few years while I get through this" which like, not a great option, but the guy had been launched full force back into half-healed trauma response suicidal ideation so I can't blame him. my first book begins 5 years later, when Therien meets her father again and gets the chance to come home, right on the edge of another war, and gets to learn a lot about her parents on top of the usual teenage uncertainties.

(also thank you for letting me ramble about this it was very fun lol, I'm going to spend time reading up on your wip posts so I can ask questions about them as soon as I have a chance <3)

[runningfrom2am]

1. i feel so bad for her. she’s won yet the everything is the same. from receiving no sympathy from the peacekeepers to not being seen as human.

2. THEY BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH IM GOING TO CRY!!

3. oh how i love characters who know how and when to lie. there should be more of them for the sake of my sanity.

4. there it is, the mental block. how could she live with herself if she couldn’t escape her actions in full capacity?

5. salt; alongside “purity”, “preservation” and “welcome”, symbolises “chastisement”, “bad thoughts” and “death” in literature. i cannot wait to form my precise thoughts on this with the coming chapters.

6. slow down with making the games better coryo, will you? uniforms and security- don’t give them ideas.

7. why does everything come down to sejanus? will he ever catch a break?

8. the fact that even if she says she forgave him, with a paranoia like that, it’s doubtful that he’ll believe her.

9. “They had already grieved your death.” “By the pricking of my thumbs, / Something wicked this way comes.”

10. THE POET AND THE SINGER!!

1. SHE HAS CHANGED BUT NOTHING ELSE HAS :(

2. they really just need to talk bro fr

3. yeah even if she’s got that mental block happening she knows enough to keep coryo (and herself) safe

4. yuppp the mental block and as she should imo. i’m honestly happy for her with that one hahah

5. the ‘salt’ is certainly a LOT to unpack. like she did it to “protect” herself and mentally it was totally figurative but in practice, in this case, it was very very real so she protected herself but at what cost (she knows but she doesn’t want to).

6. NO LITERALLY HAHAHA like ofcccc he would give them a solution 😅. i mean, why not tho, it’s not like his girl would be back in the games next year, so why would he care if they can cheat or not in the future?

7. i feel bad for him LMAO but he’s so safe,, like no one believes sejanus plinth would give her any kind of weapon. he hates the games, yes, but he wouldn’t encourage that kind of violence especially from someone who wasn’t even his own tribute who he had known personally. i think if it was marcus who did that and made those claims, maybe someone would believe it. but overall i think he’s pretty damn safe bc he is just too nice for that even if he did want to help her.

like, as if sejanus and r of all people would conspire to cheat in the games, lol. they’re both too gentle.

8. yeahhhh it’s sketchy at best. obviously she really wants to forgive him, but first and foremost she is afraid, and that’s hard to get past in the best of times.

9. omg i’m boutta make a confession,,, that was unintentional and a throwaway line i literally added in tumblr after pasting it over here BUT you’re right that macbeth may become so relevant 🥲

10. AHHH YES like ofc they would be friends stop they’re both so sweet 🥲🥲

[opla]

Hello. I hope my message doesn't come off as mean or judgemental. I wanna talk about the OP/OPLA fandom.

I fully agree with the criticism of Taz Skyler, but 98% of the OP fandom worships Oda like a God when he's friends with 2 mangakas who are child predators (the Kenshin and Toriko creators)... I love OP as much as any other fan (I don't give it my money though), but I wish fans didn't feel the need to kiss the creator's ass so much, or make excuses for him using his clout and money to promote his predatory friends.

People in the fandom saying that Taz or the potential casting of Jamie Lee Curtis as Kureha will "taint" OP when the creator already did that feels like people don't take CSA as seriously as they should. Almost anyone who brings up Oda's terrible taste in friends gets shut down with poor excuses or treated like a "hater".

OP is also a story full of fatphobia and misogyny, where Oda makes it clear that the only women worthy of being seen as attractive and worthy of devotion need to be thin and have big breasts. People fight me on this one all the time, but the treatment of fat female characters like Alvida and Shinobu proves I'm right.

Again, I love OP... but it's been flawed before Taz Skylar tweeted anything.

hello! it's not mean at all & i agree 100%! oda is incredibly flawed & there's a lot to criticize about the original manga. i've actually spoken about oda's misogyny in my own personal blog before.

this is why i'm not acting like still enjoying opla is a sin (or one piece in general), even tho the cast may be problematic. if i did, i would stop running this blog at all. i am merely withdrawing my personal support from the cast for the sake of my sanity to be frankly honest.

i'm glad you brought up these issues & sent this message, so thank you! honestly part of the reason i'm excited for the live action is to see them hopefully rectify some of the major issues with the animanga, like the horrendous fatphobia, certain characters' (like sanji) misogyny & queerphobia, etc.

i agree that judging opla & its cast, while pretending that oda & the original content does not have plenty of issues is indeed incredibly hypocritical. i'm also not a fan of ppl using the genocide in palestine to speak ill of opla in general bc they never liked it to begin with. it's honestly disgusting & disrespectful.

i think the bottom line is that it is important to be aware & critical of what we enjoy & the ppl involved in it.

thank you once again for taking the time to send this message, i really appreciate it!

[magnoliamyrrh]

. ive got such a long list of reasons to be bitter and fed up and angry. i have so much pain within me. sometimes i feel like pain, deep, deep, sorrowful pain, mourning, grief, anger, a desperate need to stop feeling suffocated is what i know best. and u know as much as i think all thats justified and as much as i think my anger is important for my sanity , and as much as tbh i like by this point to an extent that my over it little tolerance for bullshit angry kinda agressive vibe is a part of my personality - that my bitterness is earned and aged like fine win. but idk, i have tired to rein it in these last months progressively bc it was consuming me and my nervous system literally couldnt handle it

but. something i still havent figured out how to deal w is my very, very, very bad case of survivors guilt. maybe its gotten a bit better but that makes me feel guilty too. it always does. i try not to let it haunt me but It Always done it haunts me that its somehow not supposed to consume and haunt me

. after everything my own pain and trauma is not what fucks me up the most. its always that its not over for so many others. for so many others its not over, its never over, theyre going through it rn, many worse than anything i ever went through. many that wont make it out alive

.

my best friend says its not my responsibility especially with my crippled health and the little of my fragile sanity to try to do something about it. that spending years trying to do something about sex trafficking or whatever else would break me, eat me up inside, that people who aint traumatized end up killing themselves or alchoholics, shells from what they've seen, so what would it do to me? he says. ive earned my rest, ive earned looking away, ive earned my peace

...

but what does that matter? what it would do to me? he says he doesnt understand why i spend so much time writing and speaking on this shit. at first it was to understand myself. now it is the horror that it is so much more horrible and bad and keeps going, its not me. its others. i always have felt more impacted by seeing others in pain than myself. i never can stand seeing my pain on someone else.

he says he doesnt understand why i look. he says he doesnt understand why i think. he says he doesnt understand why i study. doesnt understand why i want to do something about it when its so horrible

........

but ive been.... lucky. not so but lucky. lucky enouth to live. to get out. to get my "freedom."

but what does "my" individual freedom mean? when others dont have it? what does it matter?....... what does it matter?

it feels like my trauma isnt over through them. its not. im just one person, but for so many its not over. it wont be over. they may never see over until their graves.... time is a flat circle and all

...

and i think, how many? how many? and i think too.... in the history of the balkans, of my people, my women and little girls... how many? for how long?

how many today? everywhere?

how am i supposed to rest easy. how am i supposed to live my life ignoring it

why shouldn't i burn myself out. i already am. why shouldnt i take on the trauma of getting back into it for the sake of others

.

what does my freedom mean without theirs?

.

their screams echo through my head. they were my own once. i have stopped screaming

they have not

[bloody-wonder]

do u have any locked tomb opinions to share? I saw u like Ianthe, idk if that's controversial or not? I've seen about a 50/50 split of my limited time in the fandom of people saying they love her/hate her

to be completely honest the locked tomb is more like a fandom in law to me lol as in: i tried getting into the series a few years back, was too confused and gave up but then made a friend who is a big fan and so i decided to give it a second chance and read together with her and i'm glad i did bc i did end up liking it very much but. it was a journey lol. i'm the kind of reader who prefers to have a working understanding of wtf is going on at all times and the locked tomb doesn't reward that expectation and accepting that it's a feature and not a bug took me some time. i liked book one much more when i re-read it. book two is my least favorite bc i was deeply bored by harrow's pov (it does have lots of ianthe tho and the gideon pov part is fantastic). book three is unquestionably my favorite which is surprising bc it doesn't have as much ianthe but ig i liked it the most bc i finally understood wtf is going on, in general terms at least. so the series grew on me and i'm excited for the last book but i'm not such a big fan as to dive into the tags and see what people are talking about, not to mention have hot takes or meta of my own. i mostly just like and reblog whatever my mutuals put on my dash🤷‍♀️

that's why i live in blissful ignorance of tasteless people who don't like ianthe. but even if i were familiar with the Discourse i wouldn't be out here defending her actions or whatever from the haters bc fortunately i only care about how cool she is. especially the way she talks! i feel like women characters rarely get to construct a distinct persona through their dialogue or express themselves through peculiar speech patterns, memorable one-liners, saucy quips etc. as i mentioned in my other posts dialogue is perhaps the most important part of character work for me, if not the most important part of books as a whole. i want to know how characters wield words! i need the scintillating repartee! so gideon vs ianthe verbal showdown in book two is Peak Literature for me lol. i have a list of ianthe quotes i may or may not have been trying to incorporate into my own vocabulary. bc it is a type of energy i wish to take into my future😅

i'm so obsessed with ianthe's carefully curated persona of a genre-aware secondary villain that i'm not particularly interested in her rich inner life, her secret vulnerable sides or whatever fans tend to zero in on whenever they are confronted with a character who is extraordinary, competent and presents an alluring facade of nonchalance to the world. seriously, no one appreciates good showmanship in these godless therapy speak times anymore :( as a wise woman once said, false things have a piquancy which the real can never match🧐

that being said, the unwanted guest brought up one more aspect of ianthe's character i'm very interested in - the whole discussion on the permeability of the soul and how it relates to the extent of control one has over one's own self as a lyctor. first of all, the way this short story is written - choreographed, even - and how the info about naberius is revealed is brilliant but secondly the implications of this reveal for ianthe are so tasty to me bc, as a control freak who must maintain the illusion of control over all aspects of my life for my sanity, i love my little fictional power fantasies of excellency and dominance but i'm also morbidly fascinated by narratives that subvert them and expose this perfect control as mere illusion. and ianthe does both: it's fun when she eats naberius' soul in cold blood and proceeds to manipulate, gaslight and girlboss her way through the series and rejects paul's invitation to join the good guys and try Woke Lyctorhood - but it's also very satisfying to see the light leave her eyes when palamedes makes it clear to her that naberius isn't something she used and spat out but a part of her, changing her self indelibly and in a way she can't control or even necessarily detect, challenging her understanding of herself as an independent, impermeable entity, the cool dominant subject in control of the weak loser object. where is the object, ianthe? where is the body, you goose? in which coff-

[shinader]

Cedric Miyazaki

Hello!!! I need to talk about My OCs. Before I start off, let me get into Why these characters are named this why.

First, the in-universe reason. Cedric Miyazaki I and his sister were named after characters from a foreign show their parents loved. His little sister got off easier being named Alice (or Arisu). Then, the son, Cedric Miyazaki II was simply named after his father.

Next, we have a meta reason. Due to how the story plays out, these two needed a name where it would be highly improbable to almost Impossible for two people to share a name. Not everyone is named Cedric Miyazaki.

And then, the meta-meta reason. Uh. Basically they started out as self-insert OCs. Then I essentially split them apart, made them father and son, and fleshed them out so they're fully characters beyond me. Everything just kinda worked out from there as I began to explain away not changing their name from my name. And tbf I do only go by Cedric online so it's not like I'm gonna get them confused with me anytime soon lol. But I also just call them Ceddy & Miyazaki respectively because it can be confusing and that's how I'm going to refer to each of them from now on.

Oh, and when I introduce my other OCs, they're all gonna have their unique posts. I just put these two together bc they have the same name hehe.

And for the sanity of those who don't wanna hear me yapping, everything else will be put below a read more!

Okay so first off I will have to redraw Miyazaki at some point. I don't think I got his whole bear vibe down yet. He needs to be bigger, hairier, and dilfier. Ceddy looks fine, though, he's a real cutie patootie. He's got a bit of a giraffe neck and I made his hair too long but hey you know. He's fine it's fine. As someone who doesn't draw much or well he's overall ballin actually!

Anyway, if anyone hasn't caught on from my whole blog and the design of these characters, they're OCs for the Yakuza/Like A Dragon series! Because of course I love all those characters so much I had to make up more characters to love!

Some basic info, Miyazaki is the Patriarch of the Miyazaki Family, a Tojo Clan Subsidiary. He's known as the Bear of Tojo due to his tattoo and his bear-like way of attack.

Ceddy is a host at a club called Club Sirius. He's not particularly well known but he's got his own little thing going on and he loves his job!

I've got a little story in the works for this, and in that story, Ceddy is the deuteragonist and Miyazaki is an antagonist turned ally. If anyone wants to read what I have going on just lmk perhaps I can post some of it. Or most of it. Or all of it lolol.

What I really wanted to get across with these two (and honestly, with all my OCs) is What makes a loving Family. The Yakuza/Like A Dragon series has big themes of Found Family and I wanted to expand upon that with my own characters. Ceddy & Miyazaki show off a healthy biological connection, one of the many ways a family can be formed. This will be in opposition with the protagonist's views in many ways.

It's also personal to me in a way, as I find their close relationship comforting and healing to write. Ceddy is autistic and not diagnosed. This is because he and no one around him are particularly educated in what autism Is exactly so they see his autistic behaviors and is just seen as "Weird." I love being able to write about a single allistic father who's able to care so much for his son, even if he isn't seen as "Normal" that's still his son and he'll do anything for him. It's the unconditional love every parent should have for their child(ren).

Beyond the family dynamics, they both have their own stories with Being Queer. I'll start with Miyazaki as he's older and has more knowledge of himself. Also I find his journey to be funnier.

Being raised in a very toxically masculine environment, compulsory heterosexuality hit this man HARD. It doesn't help that he has a high libido so to blow off steam he'd pick up women whenever he felt like and deal with it. He frequented bars and cabaret clubs and the like for that purpose. That is, until, he became the Patriarch of his own Family. He's got more power! So what does he do with it? Well, he'd get with men, of course! It's a power move!

But he only had a few months of fun with that before one of his previous one night stands left a baby at his doorstep and an angry letter. He took in that baby but didn't bother finding the mother because who in their right mind would leave their baby out in the cold like that??? No woman that Miyazaki would want raising his son! Caring for this child really puts everything into perspective for him, and he realizes he's kinda been a dirtbag to women. And men. But mostly women because he really only saw them as sex objects rather than their own people. He thought it was okay because all that sex he was having was 100% consensual but that mindset is not a good one to have! To an extent, he saw random men the same way. So eventually, Miyazaki gets a more healthy view on love and sex and also realizes that he is, in fact, a homosexual.

Ceddy's story isn't quite that complicated. He's overall fairly oblivious to romance and sex. But, he's had an amazing gay role model growing up so he's understood queer stuff since he was a small child. When he was in middle school or high school, he came out to his father (and his loving Aunt and Uncle, who I'll expand on in other posts) as Bi. And that's how he continues to identify.

Now, since this is 2011 Kamurocho (zero zombie style), none of these characters have quite the extensive knowledge of queer people that the average person here on Tumblr has. Maybe the younger ones have taken an "am I gay" quiz but they don't quite understand the full spectrum of gender and sexuality. So, I personally have assigned labels to characters that they don't identify as.

If that seems confusing, let me state it like this. Ceddy, if asked his orientation, would say he's Bisexual. However, he doesn't quite understand the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. If he understood such things, then he'd know he's Biromantic Asexual. He's never felt sexual attraction to anyone, and he generally doesn't think about it. If he does, he generally writes off that lack of attraction to not liking strangers/people who are mean to him. He really struggles with making and keeping friends due to his autism, which furthers his obliviousness to his own sexuality because he believes if there was someone nice to him that he gets a crush on, he'd for sure want to have sex!

And yes, I am aware that having a character that's so oblivious to sex he isn't aware of his own lack of sexuality may seem like a weird choice to (technically, it really depends on your personal definition of these things) be a sex worker. But that only leads into my next point about him.

Ceddy became a host for two big reasons. 1) He wanted a job so he could get money and live independently so his father wouldn't have to worry about him and 2) Hosts pretty much get paid by how well they can talk to people and he's aware his lack of social skills. Being a host would work to Ceddy's two goals, get money & learn how to socialize. He hasn't been a host for that long but he's learned that a lot of people like a lot of different things and it's so hard to keep track and also outside of work people aren't fond of him acting host-y as he comes of as disingenuous. At least he's getting paid...? He'd probably get paid more if he was able to pick up the hints his customers drop out on dates when they say they want to go to a hotel. (Oh, are you tired? I suppose this is a good time to part ways, see you later!)

Miyazaki is very proud of his son for getting a civilian job, no matter what it is. He'd be devastated if he ended up a criminal like himself. And Ceddy's quest for independence isn't necessary, Miyazaki would be more than happy to live with his son forever. In fact, he'd be worried for him every day if he moved out.

Uhhhh. Anyway. I've been yapping for hours now and this is a good place to stop here I think. Got important Themes across and whatnot. Will be doing this again at some point. Next will be. Hmm. The Protagonist will be a good one. His name is Takeshi Nakagawa and I love that fuckin guy to no end, as I do all my OCs<333

[daz4i]

I'm having some thoughts regarding posts I've seen on my dash both recently and like, years ago, bc this is far from a new phenomenon. this isn't @ anyone specific nor am i going to give specific details bc it really is an expansive thing so like. to whoever needs to hear this ig

stop engaging with things in the worst faith reading possible. start giving people the benefit of the doubt i am begging you

9/10 of times, the person you see who might be slightly insensitive, or enjoys content you find harmful, or is using the wrong term for smth, is doing it out of ignorance on the matter

and most of the times it isn't smth they can just google to figure out. bc sometimes you really gotta do mental gymnastics or ignore every redeeming quality of a thing to find the harmful part. and usually unless a person is directly involved in activist circles or knows abt the history of a particular community etc they will never make that connection and I'm sorry to tell you, but that's most people you will encounter, both irl and online

9 times out of 10 there is no malice involved. attacking strangers because you think they are attacking you by doing a very normal thing (like quote a meme or enjoy a movie) isn't the way to gain anything, and you're more likely to cause antagonism in that person

it's good to inform others, but doing it by accusing them of harmful behavior isn't the way

also on a less deep note, you're just gonna become an incredibly unpleasant person to be around if you keep doing that shit. if you keep looking for the bad in everything you see others enjoy, you will keep seeing it. you will become extremely bitter. you gotta give people the benefit of the doubt for your own sanity fr

and before I'm taken out of context: no that doesn't apply to actual bigots (my whole point here is that most ppl just aren't informed and aren't actively hateful). no this isn't me telling you to be nice to your own oppressors so they hate you less. no this isn't me saying you have to let slide media that is genuinely harmful (I'm talking more about the people who consume it who are average and don't hold some secret ill intentions). yes I'm aware a lot of times people ARE bigots and just try to hide it which is why dogwhistles exist, which is exactly why i think it's important to remain informed and inform others so we stop engaging with these people or their content (i just think that doing it in combative ways is bad for everyone involved). ok i think that covered all my bases

tldr just. remember that people are people. and people can make mistakes. and you gotta let them grow from it. and sometimes, you are the one who makes the mistake, by assuming the worst of someone you don't even know

[novantinuum]

3, 7, 8, 17

Thank u Fwex uwu

_

~CHOOSE VIOLENCE ASK GAME~

3- screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

Okay so this isn't a tumblr thing, but I HAVE to describe this absolute chaos I saw on reddit once-

Basically there was this like... mega BotW Mipha stan who was super into Mipha/Link, and somehow by the end on one reddit thread I briefly glanced through ended up deciding to headcanon that Sidon was ,,, I GUESS??? Mipha and Link's secret love child which-

H-how... does that even work lmafo. I am scared. It just CAN'T work, because Sidon is like... toddler shaped by the time the Calamity in Breath of the Wild history happens. (And Zora age slower than Hylians anyways, so for all we know he'd been alive for like 10-15 years already.) It'd certainly make for... uh, a wild AU I guess, but it was definitely a convo that I was thinking This about as I scrolled past it:

7- what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

So I don't think fandom has made me outright HATE a character, but there's definitely characters or ships that have been soured for me because of fandom tomfoolery. I think the notable ones here are...

-I kinda am like, really ambivalent about the Tenth Doctor (Also the recent Ten Take Three going on rn, who I refuse to call the Fourteenth Doctor lmafoooo) because of years of being sick of everyone being all "omggg the show just isn't as good now that Ten isn't there," and shitting on the Doctors who came after. Like, I used to LOVE him but now I'm just. Eugh. Whatever. It's almost as if I feel it's my duty to be absolutely neutral about him to balance out all the tumblr girlies screaming about how Tennant being back now is going to "save" the show or whatever.

-So very sorry, as I WANT to like it as a chronic multishipper, but Link/Sidon is a ship that has been utterly spoiled for me after all the drama that came from Sidon getting a canonical wife in Tears of the Kingdom. I simply do not want to be part of a shipping community that is that bitter when canon doesn't go their way- like, yeah we all want Nintendo to give some gd representation crumbs, but what else did you expect? Like after a certain point you really do just have to acknowledge that certain pairings are never going to happen bc of company bias and just enjoy your own headcanons for your own mental sanity. And the raging misogyny that came out of people about Yona was disgusting.

-Tragically, Fiddauthor (Stanford Pines/Fiddleford McGucket) was tremendously soured for me due to a loud fringe group of shippers who were very hostile to anyone who dared have headcanons about the two characters that weren't: they are both trans and gay. Like you dare to headcanon Stanford Pines as asexual and aromantic? You want a nonbinary Ford? You dare to headcanon Fiddleford as bisexual instead of gay? Death for you. Hate anons for you. It just got so suffocating that I had to basically drop the ship, which sucked because it was one I was SO passionate about back in the days.

8- common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Hmmm...

King Rhoam is not a good father, nor an abusive monster, but a much more tragic, nuanced third path right down the middle where he and Zelda were close once but he decided to sacrifice his relationship with her in order to campaign for what he believed was more important- the survival of Zelda and all of Hyrule through the activation of her sealing powers. Aka I believe he had to choose between being a good father and being a good king, and in an ironic turn failed at both at once bc he simply didn't have all the knowledge he needed to make the right choices. (His wife wasn't there to provide council to Zelda when it really mattered, and he literally had NO understanding of what she needed.)

To be fair I understand why many in fandom choose to vilify Rhoam in fic, as he does provide a notable moment of antagonism in the Breath of the Wild memories, and it is VERY easy to project one's own personal "bad parent" trauma on such a character while making fan content, but I am wholly of the opinion that making him a one note "shitty father with no redeeming qualities" is perhaps the most narratively boring option as far as canon interpretations go.

17- there should be more of this type of fic/art

Gen fic. This is my answer for every single fandom I've been in. There should always be more gen fic.

Also porn that involves tentacles. This is a wholly self-serving request. Yes, I AM in fact a rapidly swinging pendulum. I want either gen fic or HARDCORE PORN and there's zero in between.