#bc i do that a lot
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sometimes.
I feel like my friends [my main friend group ones not my side friend group ones tbh] don’t actually care about me at all, they just care about the way I care about them. If that makes sense. Like I don’t think they rlly give a shit about me
long as I give them attention
anyway. •irl yawn• I’m really tired and I’m going to sleep goodnight
#Like some of them hate me and I know that#But the ones that don’t hate me#I don’t think they like me#I think they like the way i treat them#Kind of sucks#Yeah#tbh I don’t think this is middle of the night paranoia where I convince myself my friends hate me#Bc I do that a lot#But I think this is real tbh#They don’t care about me#Anyway goodnight#the most boring soap opera#jamie’s random thoughts
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anybody else have a thing where if you’re Too Excited about something you need to take breaks and like…. walk around or something for a bit then come back
#bc I do that a lot#idk if it’s part wanting to stretch out the exciting good thing#or just needing my brain to calm down for a bit#.doc#this time brought to you by playing re4 and periodically needing to go walk around upstairs
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Trying to do some self-lead therapy on self image. Wish me luck lmfao
#mostly just#trying not to avoid things i know are intrinsically ME#bc i do that a lot#i drew myself#im typing in a way that is more “me” in some spaces#im going to try to get more into some of my interests again#instead of only once in 100000 years watching one movie and hating myself for it lol#oh and taking my antidepressants again lmao
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(Which arm, Viktor, huh ? Which one ??)
They were not a couple so, Jayce (who had a very bad day and just wanted to hug it out) proceeded to freak out, backed out of the lab and never mentioned it again but, Astral Viktor, that mf ? He'd be delighted to remind Jayce of that moment in time, of that missed call and watch him die from embarrassment and resentment over himself
(I'm glad they've never beaten the gay allegations and never will)
#Viktor you cold-handed Zaunite rascal#give Jayce a break#he's overheating#arcane#jayce talis#viktor#jayvik#fanart#art#arcane fanart#my art#league of legends#artists on tumblr#arcane netflix#Viktor's arms look like some kind of velociraptor sticky paws in the first pic.....#I like using that partially chibi style from time to time when I'm doing those kind of short comic strips#or when I don't want to bother myself with too much realism nor complicated coloring#also I hope my english is good enough bc that was a lot more text to write on these drawings that I'm usually used to#(btw that's also my personal backstory for Viktor's idea of a third arm haha)
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
#spilled ink#warm up#“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol#btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can#run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her#but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!
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Love the contrast between the Americans’ “Apollo” and the Soviets’ “Sputnik.” You got the Americans naming their rocket after a Greek god trying to communicate the grandness and importance of this rocket. And you got the Soviets naming their rocket “fellow traveler.” Like a friend you go on an adventure with together. This rocket is our little friend lol
#i think its cute#they took the mars rover approach#humanizing the space craft making it cute making us (me) project emotions onto it#the soviets also used imagery of laika in propaganda a lot#which is pretty fucked up imo#but if i grew up in the soviet union that shit wouldve definetly worked on me lmao#the narrative of a heroic little dog going to space and being honored by the whole country#as cruely wrong as it is its very appealing#the soviets knew what they were doing man they didnt reveal how laika really died until like. the 2000s#bc they knew people really cared about that dog#they liked the narrative around her
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how do you live?
#the boy and the heron#how do you live#studio ghibli#artists on tumblr#art#illustration#counting this as my first big drawing of the year bc i started it just after new years… v happy i stuck it out to the end#i loved this movie a lot#i want to draw weird herons all the time now
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💅💅💅
#danny phantom#danny fenton#sam manson#college au#sam started doing dannys nails senior year of hs#bc he kept chipping his#luckily gels last a lot longer for his lifestyle hahaha#he helps her color her hair in return#I think sam goes to someone else for her claws tho#theyre a little more involved#and danny is right#it is nice having someone do them for you#lol i updated things a little bit hahaha#Hazards of a long Saturday#If you see two versions floating around thats why lol
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#ome’s arts💥#wlw shadamy#shadamy#art dump#I’m exclusively posting this here bc this is all misc stuff ???????#as always …. I love them so muuuuch#they’re like … my blorbos#my lifeline#do I draw them a lot ? yes yes I do#will that stunt me as a ‘so called artist’ ? mayhaps#but I rather aide my mental health to be stable and happy by drawing themmmm#like ughhhu don’t understand how much they mean to meeeeee#I just love them so muchhh
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i don't think you guys understand the levels of lesbianism in this scene
this 90 caliber electric net is caitlyn's E ability......aka, she's the ONLY champion in league of legends that can use this ability.........thus, the writing decision to have vi, a separate, melee league champion, be the only one in the show that EVER also triggers it (someone informed me that cait does use it during Hellfire), with her bare hands (and against another champion, at that), suggests levels of intimacy and trust that i can't even comprehend
additionally, this isn't the first time caitlyn's given up her gun (aka ALL of her special abilities) for vi, either
oh to have a girlfriend
#i love league of lesbians#this is the kind of intimacy they talk ab on ao3#or you know what.#this kind of intimacy surpasses everything that even sappho could have dreamt up#to be fair ambessa couldn't comprehend it either#“...and the third?” WHY WAS SHE SO INVESTED lmaooooooo#not even ambessa can truly escape vi's charm and charisma#and i know exACTly where maddie got the idea to shoot cait in the neck bc look where that knife was headed#oh noxus.....they're gonna have to do a LOT to make me love you in the future shows#vi using a ranged ability and cait manually choking singed. when will the lesbians stop winning#looks like the episode 6s got a lil fruitiness to them#caitvi#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#arcane#league of lesbians#piltover's finest
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charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️
#WOW WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT THEYD BE MY FAVORITES. THIS TOTALLY WASNT EXPECTED. NOT AT ALL.#i have lots of persona art its just uncolored dw#doing the shujin trio next i miss them so bad☹️☹️ also i need pegoryu content to stay sane and alive#anyway they're like. actually fucking insane 💀💀💀💀#like lawlight level toxic yaoi its so absurd#like i was like damn soukoku is intense WHO ARE THESE FREAKS#WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY LIKE THIS.#ACTUALLY FUCKING INSANE. LIKE EXTREMELY MENTAL AND SICK IN THE HEAD.#AKECHI IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH#god they actually make me so fucking AUAUAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH#i NEED to finish royal shidos palace GUTTED ME#they were initially so funny to me bc right off the bat you can tell how much of a FREAK akechi is just paraphrasing hegel#and being so ferevently obsessed with ren its like bro why is this guy straightup dickriding us for telling him we like our eggs well done#ANYWAY their dynamic always felt so sad to me bc it was akechi just desperately clawing for what ren had the entire time ☹️#and the more he realized how worthless he was in comparison the more mentally unhinged he became until he actually broke#me when the trope is “the love was there but it wasn't enough to save them” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (FUCKING DEVASTATING)#ermmm anyway yea they're neat. ig#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#goro akechi#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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get with the Crow-gram, Davrin
#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age veilguard#rook de riva#lucanis dellamorte#davrin dragon age#Marisol de Riva#illario dellamorte#i have THOUGHTS about illario lol i love him actually#and i encourage lucanis to forgive/spare him because like illario is just doing what he was technically raised to do????#i do think illario spirals a bit when he realizes that zara didn't kill lucanis and instead tortured him#and then a lot of the stupid choices he makes after that are like...trying to “fix” it#but also having read the wigmaker job i'm like...i feel like there's some blood magic or something afoot with illario bc like?? ;-;#but also tho literally every time illario comes up in conversation lucanis is like MY IDIOT COUSIN - if i was illario i'd just start biting
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me when i dont know anything about feminism in rok
#like I dont think i have a lot of business talking about it bc i'm not super informed.#but you do just have to be stupid to pretend there's not rampant transphobia involved in rok feminist movements#babbling
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okay so like, when you lose a lot of weight, the world and everyone in it becomes suddenly way way nicer to you. people treat you better across the board, from strangers to family to friends; you get opportunities you wouldn’t have otherwise gotten; doctors take you seriously; etc etc etc. anyone who has gone through any form of major weight loss can tell you this.
& it is absolutely fucking insane how many people who have gone through this weight loss respond to this fact of the world not with horror and disgust at how bad society hates fat people, but rather with a sort of missionary-style evangelizing to everyone around them that they need to lose weight, too, because life just gets so much better!!!
i don’t even know what to say about it. just like, jesus fucking christ.
#my post#bringing this up bc a lot of my youtube recommended is fitness stuff bc. that’s what happens when you look up weightlifting tutorials#& while most of it is weightlifting stuff a bunch of it is also like. weight loss transformation videos#& ALLLLLL the comments are people being like ‘i lost 100 pounds and now my husband loves me again! everyone should do this!’#GOOD GOD SAVE USSS!!!!!
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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