#bc i cnt remember

[snuffalufagus]

aphantasia is going to make me lose my mind bc i cant remember what exactly happened in the closing ceremony n im want to know when the us part switched from video to live n ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

[viscerast]

fuck awake again N we have work in 4 hours hhhh

[planetclosed]

sui ment//

[thisnamehasbeentakenlmao]

didnt post uesterdya anyway pt9/pt10

pt9- finished being in hiroshima nd went to the memorials nd museum,, i didnt take lots of pictures tjat day bc yk it would be weird to

there was also this rlly cool festival when we made our way to the station,, the play is abt prince susanoo nd jhow he poisonded nd killed the giant serpents. the props were vry skibidi sigma. i degintiely wouldbe been scared of this as a 5yr old. anyways finished the day by arriving in osaka

pt10- osaka day1 (amerika ya‼️‼️🗣️)

we went to nanba jinja or wjtever i cnt remember the name then we went to shinbashi???shinsenbashi??? i cant rmemebr the name anyway it had the glico guy nd i boguht overpriced drip.

later we went to the little pig cafe nd i had this big fat fuck lay on me for 25 mins straight wo moving nd inflame my leg joint arthritis..other pigs didnt come to me bc this one entire man was hogging my lap(aha) cpuldnt bring cole in bc the pigs might revoke his existence membership

we finsihed off w making our own pearl jewelry (+ miku on a shell) nd umeda sky tower which has an actual cool intersteellar scifi theme, very unique&special. the rooftop had uv lighting nd cole started growing sensei wu white hair. the floor is the glowing cool thing btw

[cassie-moore]

1. M Morrison - let go of what he did. Your angels protected you - had you not experienced the horror of waking up in a place you didnt know (his piece of shit apartment) surrounded by vomit, you would have never stumbled to throw water, his phone would have never been destroyed, and god only knows what pictures he took. Hes a piece of shit that belongs in jail.

You handled that shit like no other. Be proud of how strong you were with grace and dignity. He knows it thats why he tried to use gerald and chris browns names to scare you. Or tried to say you drank too much (my three sips of a drink and being outside of my body remember him telling me one thing and doing another in his fucking car) - HES A PIECE OF SHIT. Let it go. You may have hung onto it bc of the timing and when you crossed geralds path. But maybe it weighed in back of mind. Everything was so fun and happy until Mark noticed your production.

2. TS - that wave is one that even someone like drake said he wouldnt stand against. I think it scarred so deep bc you had spent all those years supporting her music and sending her uplifting notes. They took your storyboard plain as fucking sight and you werent the first indie shes trolled. No one will understand your point of view until she steals their concept and makes millions off of it. Having your art stolen by someone who thinks she can (bc who the fuck woukd believe you over her) is the shittiest fucking feeling.

You handled that shit. You punched that shark in the nose…she’ll never fuck with u again. And as far as her fucking song being a death seed to plant some message to illuminati or some hidden number 2 in her golden snake outfit she revealed in miami….or whatever else gets thrown my way off the internet….i dont care. She doesnt scare me and i could give two fucks about her couple billion when we all sit and have game night with someone worth 13.5 who cant even name a single song of hers. The entire world is not a swiftie. My opin, if she had any kind of grace, i think she should stop submitting her records for awards and let the industry breathe. She broke every record, shes got homes full of awards-how much is enough, shit. Even Kobe knew when it was time to pass the baton. Shes that last person at the party that refuses to leave as far as im concerned.

My production work and ideas were threats…and i cant say that to anyone but myself, but its the goddamn truth. So, let it go here. Its okay that everyone else still loves her. You would too if she didnt do what she did to you. “They killed Cassandra first” just made it more fun to haunt. Be fueled. I dont think she expected me to be more like her than she realized.

3. Stuck in elevators. Sounds so stupid after writing the past two but now making extra cash doing stupid shit. Everytime i have to deliver something half the time im walking in some junky elevator to do it. Every time the door closes i catch myself saying “what the fuck is this life” - i dont think i realized the anxiety it causes me. Once trapped in an elevator is one thing. The first had windows and it was only for an hour. But the second was hell. Both were flying to or from his concerts so somehow i must have attached that anxiety to how i feel - shaken my confidence when it comes to him. Which is silly bc i couldve been stuck in elevators anywhere for anything

4. But maybe its coupled with feeling so singled out in the gerald i get. Everyone else experiences his tenderness kindness laughter fun conversation and celebrations. But then theres me, cnt type cryng now, i just feel like he hates me which is just mindfucky for me bc its so opp of suz letter…and i just dont understand or wonder did they all do that for a laugh at my expense or did his mgnt just want me to buy tickets to his shows which doesnt seem like it in my soul but i just think about all of this and although it was said nonchalantly in jest i still think about courtneys comment which at time i thought was stupid but she said he prob spent your hard earned thousand towards that new little handbag he bought the girl that doesnt work. I need to shed that because that comment combined with the lack of anything kind i think is what finally sent me into a depression spiral causing me not to be able to sleep

I dont want to get low again. Luda mcklemore missy lu chris…all the loving ppl in music. Cling to kindness. Continue to give it. But dont let your bank of kindness be depleted. Remember to find helium for yourself. You have Kinlie to think about. You get cold all the time now. It has to be some sort of trauma mechanism.

You had A LOT OF MONUMENTAL SHIT GO DOWN CASSIE in the past three years. Two of your engineers died. Not to mention having government protection for 30 days to keep you and Kinlie safe…and you just got another demeaning text from your mom who is the definition of a narcissist. You grew up in a castle of wealth but she treated you like Cinderella. So, youve prob been carrying that trauma around your whole life.

Recognize these traumas so you can work through them while youre alone. Maybe part of making sure you are a perfectly blank canvas for someone is shedding these traumas to the page

I somehow feel a little lighter now so thats good

[strawberryseeded]

i spent the weekend watching various horror movies in netflix (my moms accnt obvs) cos i was too lazy to pir/ate anything. i watched uuh.. konferensen 2023 (it was fine, it was a good time), split 2016 (p good imo tho the superhuman angle was kinda silly to me. but it was interesting. solid. ending was a bit unsatisfying tbh? and the msg quite confusing? like i geddit, empowered victims.. but the kidnapper ended up becoming a perpetrator too? and the fl didnt shoot him in that crucial moment AND they also didnt show what she ended up doing abt her uncle. idk if the plan was 2 make a sequel but it all ended up coming off as.. pretty lukewarm..), the stepfather 2009 (nice. rly straight foward w the premise tho not super focused w its message.. like it was abt family but it gave too much focus to the protags gf? which i thought was a bit juvenile like we get it they are teens in love now lets get back to the dude trying to murder the whole family please.. also i kept thinking the story wud have been fun from the mothers perspective as well.. oh and a bit more bg & development for the killer wud hv been stellar), monster 2023 (indonesian) (plot was p standard (rly reminded me of that free ice cream horror flash game) but i rly liked it visually! rly cool scenography!! it almost had no dialogue & that was rly refreshing and interesting. it really didnt need any), and today i watched longlegs 2024 w my sister (which i did pirat/e)..uuuuummm... ok SPOILERS for longlegs

i rly liked the way it was filmed n the photography. also the music/sound dsgn. the time setting was confusing as hell for me tho?? like idk im not usamerican but the story supossedly took place in the 2000s but it all looked like the 70s to me???? and there are big differences between the 2 eras its not like im THAT period blind. the only scene i thought oh yeah theres no way this is the 70s is a scene in which you can see computers in the bg but anyways. the movie.

it started off GREAT. very eerie.. i had no clue abt the plot or anything btw i went into it completely blind.. so i had no idea if the movie was going for a realistic angle or a more supernatural angle. it rly reminded me of it follows 2014 not bc the fl was played by the same actress (it was) but bc everything that was happening seemed not quite real. like a dream. i loved that..

so ok. its p clear from the beginning that something is p weird (supernatural weird) abt this whole thing. the fl makes my suspicions grow bc shes some sort pf psychic so i though ok the killer is def some kind of hypnotist. i was wrong tho, whatever. lets skip a lot of stuff. plot twist it was the devil all along. i felt kinda silly bc im usually p good/fast understanding movies (esp this type of movies) but i was so confused by the end of this.. i was like huh.. wait what do you mean the devil is real in this story. it was rly easy to catch onto that btw i was just still expecting a psychic weirdo killer angle idk maybe i liked that idea more deep down lol? but it wasnt so my sister was like dude are you serious the devil was right there in one scene and i was like what. she went back to that scene. the devil was right there. oh ok. wait then what about the scene in which the mother shoots the dolls head why did she do that if the deal wasnt over. and what about the surviving victim why did she kill herself after the ball was out of the dolls head. oh god i almost forgot what abt the chief(?)s (no ok i literally cnt remember either his name nor job title im so sorry. yanno lees boss) did not even ONCE say smt like "oh hey my daughter has the same age n bd date than all the other daughters from the victim families. thats peculiar. lets take some measures maybe?" like forget that last part, why wasnt this even BROUGHT UP. another ridiculous thing abt this was the "birthday party" lee was invited to if thats even what you can call it.. most of the movie i was waiting for an actual party, with lots of people (STAKES, yknow?) but lee was literally the only person invited apparently?? what was up w that. also why didnt the fl shoot the dolls head at the bd party in the first place why did she wait until the dad started killing ppl. also the deal was supposed to end with the 13th victim i think so why did the mother say she will keep killing. me & my sister concluded well idk lets sleep on it i guess. yeah.

overall enjoyable and interesting, but i feel like the plot-twist reveal and the ending were a bit idk rushed?? like ill be quite honest i didnt feel anything abt the mother being the accomplice???? it was good in concept but was a bit lacking in execution.. like. why shud i even care.

[wifkin]

im so frustrated with my family drama right now and im SO TIRED of being the center of it. i left my moms house to live with my grandparents like almost three months ago because i was so tired of walking on eggshells to avoid being berated or kicked out or having something thrown at me or whatever.

yesterday my aunt called and told us that shes cutting my mom off entirely and its sad to hear and im sorry that it had to happen but now im getting so much pressure to go see her today, because she "misses me so much and is so upset" and theyre telling me to be nice to her and asking me about it every ten fucking minutes.

i dont want to go... i guess im going to because i do feel a little bad for her but its HER fault! its not my responsibility to comfort her and i dont understand why i am expected to. i dont want to make her feel better or comfort her or SEE HER right now i want her to sit and wallow and realize what the fuck she is doing wrong and that im not the delusional one and shes hurting everyone else too.

i am still constantly having like.,.. i dont want to say flashbacks bc its not like that but.. i guess daydream fights. while i was showering earlier i couldnt stop playing the conversation we are going to have in my head. all the ways she could twist it to be my fault and all her favorite points to dig into me. it just wouldnt turn off and i wound up crying again.

i just miss my mommy. i feel like i never even had her in the first place. i cnt ever even really remember the last time i truly wanted to hug her. i hate the way i can feel every single one of her bones and how frail she feels against me. its like hugging a coworker

[lilyflanders]

i chose the ro ro rasputin bc it's the only song ive heard of. i think in real life voting works kinda the same?

(ok i think i heard the everytime we touch but i cnt remember how it sounds)

[snuffalufagus]

anyways saw a place for rent for less than 2k it was like 1.8 smth n my hope in life got restored a bit after the utterly disappointing visa discoveries

[crispy-sand-gator]

pride month has ended

its morphin time

[badfey]

im such a fucking idiot

[mushiebaby]

ed talk in tags!!

[mangotrees]

ah... i keep wishing the situation was different

[read-it-nd-weep]

relapse

sum times i wuna relapse nd other times i do. sum times i listen 2 music i made 2 remember how i felt wen i dnt feel. sum times i self harm 2 feel other times i wud do it 2 tk away how sumthing made me feel. like look evry1 i cn hurt myself jus like u cn hurt me (lol) sum times i like 2 think i feel things deeply nd i feel like the best way 2 show sum1 how hurt i am is 2 physically hurt myself like look evry1 u cn imagine how this cud feel if u did it 2 urself. sum times i wuna relapse nd other times i do. sum times i close my eyes after i do drugs bc i dnt really wuna feel sumthing , nd wen i close my eyes i cnt see nothing so i feel like how cud i feel. i get hi nd i DNT wuna feel no more. i like 2 do drugs. i dnt like 2 feel tho. but wen im hi i do like feeling its the entire point of being hi 2 feel hi. wen im hi i cnt relapse the thot of tht wud FUKIN disgust me. i wud b like wht the fuk is wrong with u ;( no1 cn help u bc y wud they want 2. im strange nd idk sum times its gross. i cn hide behind my physical form , im jus glad u cnt c it on the outside. 

[alittleyellowdinosaur]

@sunflowersnips

Meow - D.Jiang

[kristalpepsi]

Hey kris!! Love seeing ur blog just b out n about. Ur rlly cool!!!! I wanted 2 ask a silly question- have u ever had dreams that u remember very vividly for like, years? I have and they r wild

OGHGJFGJ ty!!! snifff im srry i hvnt gtn bck 2 u!!

besds tht tho ys we hv!! unfrtntly i cnt tll u any ive prsnlyl had b the 1nes we rmmbr VIVDLY 4 YRS r eithr rlly old (ther4 Jamie's dreams) or collectiv (shared, dreams? u kno? lke we were all involvd as a sys or smth?) so i dnt hav any *prsnlly*

Im P sre thers a lot of dreams we VIVDLY rmmbr n the no 1 dream ws actlly reocrrng 4 Jamie 4 a whle untl they jst stoppd

(TW Death, ghsts, kidnppng, killng)

we rmmbr it in hvy detail incldng colrs n the physcl pain frm it! its p wild, it involvs death, ghsts, n walkng in2 the lite, all tht jazz, i cn probbly tll the stry smtme els bc its prtty lng n id feel its unfair 2 not explain it wll!! KJDKS b the summry of it is tht (every1 is a pony btw dnt ask lmao) Jamie meets a new prsn n mkes a frnd whle on vac8ion, she gets accdntlly murdrd the sme dy by tht frnd, n thn Jamie roams the world not realzng shes a ghost, whle also not believng shes dead @ all,, som1 she looks up 2 tll hr its tme 2 go, n she almst 'walks in2 a hug lite in the horzn'

the othr dream we rmmbr vry vivdly is whn we um?????? gt kidnppd?????????? n were um??? thise ws a collectiv dream so we um?? idk gt kidnppd >_> n thn <_> were lke, put in a cge <:^)??? n thers mor 2 it b i feel lke thise is nt the pst 4 tht KSDJDS

thers also this othr vivid dream we rmmbr b its mostly Sal's? n involvs zombies <_> n horror n gore, hnstly i feel rlly bd 4 hime bc a lt of his dreams involv gre???

ANYWY dark stff asde my dear anon thers actlly this REOCRRNG loc8ion tht we keep seein 4 som rsn,,,,,, like IRL the loc8ion nvr exsts, but weve hd 3-4 dreams tht tke plce in tht loc8ion OR if it dsnt tke plce ther, in the dream we explictly thnk/acknowldge it exsts evn if we nvr go ther! its so weird! its bsclly a fake Mall tht is somewher near our area

we vivdly rmmbr hw the frnt-side mst area of it looks lke,, it hs some stairs goin in 2 a cinnabon restaurnt, thats styled after The Blue Kettle mixd w Mary Grace, n thn thers a staircse goin 2 the 2nd floor balcny of the restaurnt n a door 2 entr the rst of the mll frm ther, the mll hs an arcde n cinemas??? its so weird its a vry consistnt loc8ion n it knda scres me lol, its lke the dreamwrld hs a spcfc mall

edit: actlly its nt evn ONLY a fke mll its mor lke a fake BARANGAY (thise is teh corrct spllng, its filipino)!! an entre fke brngy!!! as in thers a fke street?? fke food area tht hs mny food stalls??? wrd???  lke the loc8ion itslf is nt weird, the concpt of it alwys bein consistnt is WILD

also i rmmbr thise rndm dream wher i ws tlkng 2 Loki frm the coconuts sytsem

OMG IM NT DNE TLKNG IM SRRY b i sddnly rmmbrd thise RLLY RLLY FNNY DREAM tht involvs the daydream n milkyway systm n it mkes me cry laugh everytme i rmmbr it it ws so stupid b im so hppy i rmmbrd it it involvs racism n microwvng breadskfhskjdghesrd??? im so srry 4 the lng pst i appreci8 u bein p8ient w me SDKFJDSF