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#bc i can't deal with this for a whole year
willowser · 1 year
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i love the idea of young dad, touya, honestly, like i think it could really work for him in a way.
you meet him when he's much older of course, because he comes by the restaurant you work at on his lunch break, and he's always taking over for anyone that tries to give your car an oil change or tire rotation. and he's always talking about his kids ! his daughter and son, the prides of his life, his reasons for living and best friends.
he never shows you any pictures of them, not at the start, and it's not until your relationship takes a more serious turn that you actually meet them — and you're expecting young kids. seven and five or ten and eight or something near there.
you're not expecting thirty-one year old touya to have a fourteen year old daughter, with green-lined braces and acne on her cheeks, or his quiet, glasses-wearing eleven year old boy that looks just like him.
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ichorblossoms · 3 months
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yarrow's fun bc he's a doctor bc he wants to help people but then you peel that back a little and the reason he wants to help people is bc he would want others to do the same for him, then you peel that back and realize it's in parts a manifestation of his inability to ask for help in outright as well as feeling like he has to be "worthy" of receiving "good things" (re: outsources his self worth on how much he can help others). so he doesn't ask for the things he wants/wants to see in the world, and instead gives and gives hoping that people will see what he's doing and be inspired to do the same, but he's doesn't communicate this to anyone so he's left perpetually feeling like he's giving more than he receives and that doesn't become an arrogant sort of "i'm better than anyone else" but instead warps into a "i must not be doing enough" that starts the cycle over again. and he's at least semi-aware of this and how it's probably slowly destroying him as well, but doesn't know any other way to be so he just. continues.
guy who asks via actions and not words except nobody knows that so he's constantly left wanting for more. i don't have a conclusion for this i just wanted to talk about them
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Bleh
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numetalkids · 4 months
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*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH
#i'm exhausted#i have a job interview this week which i should be grateful for but i'm still so unsure about what i want in life#and i'm so scared of making wrong choices like i'm terrified#and the company seems kind of conservative in its structures and culture i mean apparently there are low hierarchies but#they make their whole deal about 'family' and then there are almost only men working there which is like ughhh like the ratio is ridiculous#and the thing is i found another job offer at my local library and i would just so love to work there!!!! i will definitely apply this week#i'm just scared that i'll do well enough during the interview that they will actually want ti hire me and then i can't say no#bc i didn't even expect them to reach out to me in the first place so i guess my application was better than i thought#so now im'm debating whether i should take the chance or sabotage the interview so that i get to try really hard for#the application for the library job instead#i sound ridiculous being upset that an employer is showing interest in me like what a privilege to be able to turn that down#at the same time. like thankfully there is financial support from the government so i'm safe in that regard atm but it's really not much#and i also don't want to be in this state of unemployment for too long#and yet...i want to just spend my days doing something worthwhile? maybe i should just be grateful that i have the privilege to choose betw#different jobs and try to take advantage of that fact and opt for the offers that speak to me rather than cry about it#god i'm so stressed this is my first time in life where i can't rest assured that the upcoming years will follow the same routine#like how it was when i entered uni like i just knew 'alright i'll be studying for at least 5 years and then we'll see' and now#it's like i don't know what i'll be doing next month or in half a year or next year or in five years#the uncertainty. killing me. that's how i know i grew up way too protected cause i break under the slightest inconvenience god#alright crying rant over from now on i'll be growing up for real 👍#personal
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wiredalienvampire · 4 months
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< be me
< check the dhmis tag to see how the fandom is doing
< see a post stating the dhmis pilot that you have been waiting for nearly 6 years for is being shown again at Sundance
< continue scrolling down the tag
< turns out it was a mistake and they were actually showing the dhmis short "creative" at Sundance
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>kill me
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tchotchkez · 5 months
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damn y'all work really does got me Tired About Eyeballs
#living the optician in training life#I am literally so tired#human interaction at a new job is especially draining#I know I'll get used to it soon but GODDAMN man#some folks are just so skeezy#no you cannot have free trial contacts when your prescription expired 4 years ago and you haven't even been in for an exam#why not? because you are Stupid and if you fuck something up while wearing the expired prescription and we gave it to you#then your dumb ass will blame us and we will be sued#it may be a prescription for your eyes but IT IS STILL A MEDICAL PRESCRIPTION THAT YOU MUST RECEIVE FROM A DOCTOR#you can't go to your doctor and ask for medicine for an illness you had 4 years ago#so why would you expect different from us?#shit changes in 4 years#the audacity of some if these ignorant entitled fuckos#and we have a really affordable basic deal on an exam and two pairs of eyeglasses!#70 bucks for the whole shebang!#it's almost always better than what insurance covers!#and then people want to get all the add ons and special materials and go full on surprised pikachu face when it's not the same price anymore#they're called add ons because they ADD ON#they are not usually necessary unless you live a certain lifestyle that makes them worth the investment#but if you need something affordable in order to see and function and not end up killing yourself driving#then the basic plan is an insanely good and affordable deal!#i used the very same deal prior to being hired!#i have my main glasses and a whole ass backup pair#and some people just#do not get it#they think they can get something ~special~ or that their insurance just HAS to be better bc it's insurance#please you guys learn to think freely and critically#okay rant over#tate talks#work tales
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magentagalaxies · 5 months
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#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
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zellk · 6 months
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I'm in love with Aamira ❤️❤️🙏 can you give us more info about her? Some fun and maybe not so fun facts about her?
Hi Anon ! Thank you for your kind words and for your interest \o/ Aamira's side of the family is the one that Qalaa got her "Beast Curse" from. It's a bloodline hereditary curse that boosts the strength of those in good health (like Qalaari) and eats away at those that have a weak constitution... like Aamira. "Weak" members of the family are usually cast aside or cast out. Aamira ; while still quite young, 16 or so ; ran away from all of this to try to live her life following only her will and enjoy as much of it as possible. Even without the curse Aamira would have had a weak health, but think of it as her Beast basically making her immunodeficient and weaker and weaker as the years go by.
She managed to make a little life for herself in a small unremarkable place close to one of the older forest of the region. There she developed close ties with two siblings, Temhos & Olgha. Both of them members of a tribe that lives deep deep withing the old woods who come to visit the village semi frequently to trade goods and buy things to carry back where they live. Both siblings tried to court Aamira (after months of good relationship), and, eventually, Aamira chose Temhos. For two or three years things were pretty idyllic fro all of them. But then Aamira started talking about wanting a child... Temhos tried to reason with her that with her health it was really fucking dangerous for her to try and that her chances of not making it through were too high for his tastes... Aamira pretended to listen but actually didn't and things got really bad when Temhos found out she was pregnant. They argued, Aamira's health took a downside, Temhos took care of her until she got better again (and Aamira, with her rose-tinted delusional glasses, thought it meant he'd stay). When Aamira was around 7 month pregnant Temhos ran away (very very far away). It broke her heart but not her (by now frantic) determination to see her pregnancy though. She (somehow) found her away again to Temhos' village where she was taken in by Olgha (who was very confused, then very angry (at both Aamira & Temhos), then very panicked). Qalaari was born in this village. Olgha became her surrogate parent to help Aamira raise her (she was still in love with Aamira, but knew that her heart, broken as it was, would still never be hers... I think Aamira knew Olgha's feelings too and could only just be very thankful she still helped her raise Qalaari, despite how painful it must have been for her.) Aamira was very loving with her daughter, but her (now very bad) health and broken heart left her with long dissociative episodes, on top of moments where she wouldn't even managed to get out of bed. That's when Olgha would take care of Qalaari most (frustrated and heartbroken as she was over the whole situation, Olgha genuinely loves Qalaari like her own daughter.) 12 years after, the Beast finally eroded all of what Aamira was (she was still young... probably around 32 or 34 years old ??) and she passed away. Also, how Aamira survived giving birth is nothing short of a miracle. Most likely due to her will of titanium to meet and raise her daughter... Eventually the Beast got the best of her, but she managed to hold on for 12 more years !!
#and now Qalaari has trauma#and also an Inner Beast that makes her REALLY FUCKING VOLATILE#think hypersensitivity#except you are and get strong enough to destroy houses and whole villages when you are submerged by your emotions#Olgha has lost an eye during Qalaari's second worst “crisis”#which is the crisis that triggered her (temporary) banishment from her village#she is travelling now since she isn't able to come back for 3 years...#Olgha was banished too when she was younger so like it's “not the biggest deal” in the sense that you WILL be reintegrated when u come back#but it's still a big deal lmao#especially to Qalaa who can't really... control... her beast...#in the DnD AU apparently the Molandine familly (Aamira's side) has ways of 'taming' the Inner Beasts#but i don't have a lot more info bc i didnt get to delve too deep into what my GM has planned yet#but i'm eyes emoji#anyways that was Aamira's whole life without TOO much of the little details of the messes of her various situations fkjshdgkjh#but as you can see it's a mess#Temhos is probably the only person in the world that Qalaari wants to and would absolutely kill on sight#like she is so fucking kind and forgiving and patient#because all of her hatred is concentrated and pointed at This One Person kfmsdjhgj#also because Olgha and Aamira taught her so so much about Love and the strength of it#and about how she should use her own strength and unnaturally powerful body to do Good#aamira#aamira croquelune#aamira molandine#qalaari croquelune#qalaari#olgha#olgha croquelune#temhos#temhos croquelune#beary talk
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janiedean · 2 years
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the more time passes the more it's obvious why I'm shit at expressing emotions and why I loathe doing it openly and it's a damned shame neither of my damned parents reads fantasy because maybe if i told them the more you are like this the more i end up like stannis baratheon's reincarnation if the damage isn't done already they'd get the fucking point
#i'm so fucking tired that every single time i have to express not feeling great/up to par/on top of things#it becomes YOU WANT TO BE A VICTIM AND BLAME OTHER PEOPLE FOR IT#jfc i want to rest#i've spent three years coped there with them with first row seat to parent one becoming completely paranoid but okay#and that's not even 5% of the problem#i'm too tired to stand i'm doing two jobs at once one of which is draining af#neither of them is even netting me immediate money#i've worked sundays for a whole damned month and a half#they have zero idea of half of the shit i'm dealing with#bc the mOMENT you talk about your feelings it's C H I L D I S H#and then 'why didn't you talk about x before'#idk didn't wanna get told it was my fault and i had to man up maybe#and like my father has a half excuse i'm not disclosing bc his business#and it's like what i suspect not anything anyone said out loud#but god my mother could fucking get a hint#yeah let's go to therapy for years so that every single time i patch a hole in the ship#CANNONBALL FROM THE OTHER SIDE HAPPENS#and it's worse all over again#meanwhile my stomach has been closed up since an hour and i can't even stand up#and then i feel like i shouldn't complain until i manage to move out#i just want to go in a forest for six months and stop being perceived tbh#i hope i don't regret posting these tags but jfc#At YoUr AgE I hAd A jOb AnD a BaBy#yeah okay sorry i'm not you#there's a fucking reason i'm never gonna have children it would wreck me and i know it#but since YOU did it then everyone can
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minakoaiinos · 9 months
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youtube
Anyway good morning.
#unpacking these four chapters of breakup that happened almost twenty years ago in several different formats#starving for madam red content especially ik she's been dead (as dead as anyone on black butler has ever been) forever but like.#i don't understand how so much of this comment section got out of this that madam red just wanted to be ~normal~#when a lot of her deal and ciel's is that she physically can't/wasn't ever going to be and i genuinely think ciel realized these things...#...about himself a long time before madam red did and that's why she struggles with a lot of it so much. bc she held onto the idea she...#....COULD be ~normal ~ a lot longer than ciel ever did for himself#i think that factors for a lot of grell's side of the breakup too#grell also realized that about herself early on AND she could tell that about madam red the minute she saw her#like everyone dying wasn't the cause madam red couldn't be normal it was just more evidence of it#and i think it might have hurt grell's feelings that madam red was still holding on to what was never going to be when for grell they...#...were perfect for each other in every way and madam red backing out of the killing meant she was backing out on her too#it says soooo much that grell found madam red at her worst and she liked that and everything that madam red thought people looked down on...#....her for grell just revels in#also i wish redacted would die again <3 hate his guts the whole situation is so sinister regardless of how doomed madam red is#kuroshitsuji#my kuro posts#redcliff#madam red#Youtube
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eggmeralda · 10 months
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I hate having romantic feelings this is horrendous I wanna go back to being fully aromantic
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shopcat · 2 years
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actually my favourite thing about the nailbat despite the iconography of it all despite its recognisability or whatever is that it is literally a monster fighting weapon ONLY like. imagine the point of view from the outside like if i saw some motherfucker with the anime boob physics of a bouncing haircut and an irl heart shaped filter following him wherever he goes walking into a commotion of some kind like hey hey hey it's cool and he's holding a baseball bat driven through with thirty 10 inch industrial nails that has clearly been doused in bleach multiple times i would scream and cry and DIE that is SCARY why is he mad maxxing all over town. i would be like why is prom king sailor suit works at family video and gives kids discounted candy best friends with the objectively coolest band kid steve harrington holding something that could kill a human being with one good hit anywhere from the waist up i would run away wailing and have to rethink my entire worldview have to stare at a wall or something. plus it'd be so hot i mean what who said that
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batemanofficial · 1 year
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i need weed. i need a medical card so bad or im gonna go out of my fuckign GOURD
#speak friend and enter#let me preface this by saying that im doing everything in my power to not let mental illness wipe its greasy hands on me#however. im insane in the membrane and i can feel myself slipping back into lunatic mode#i have to go for an mri next week and i genuinely don't know if i can do it. i am so fucking terrified you have no idea#i'll spare y'all the grisly details but i was chronically ill as a kid (and not just like sick a lot it was touch and go there for a bit)#and as a result of certain procedures i had to undergo to abate the aforementioned chronic illness#i developed ptsd that manifests as an irrational but obscenely debilitating fear of hospitals#like i can't go in a hospital without having a psychotic episode. like clinically i just can't do it#but as part of my yearly post-whatever care i have to get imaging done and this year that entails an mri and. im just scared#i spent a significant portion of my time immediately post ptsd symptom presentation believing that my doctors were trying to kill me#like for sport. like i thought there was some larger deep state esque plan in place to enact further medical barbarism upon me for giggles#and obviously you and i both know that's a delusion with no basis in reality but that doesn't mean i can stop myself from believing it.#it's like a word-of-god thing. i know logically that it's not true but there's a voice in my head screaming 'they want to flay you alive'#and i am currently between therapists and also unmedicated bc my last therapist was too focused on inner child work#to give me the prozac and weed card i really need#like that's great that you think healing my inner child will solve this but my inner child is covered in her own viscera. can we pivot mayb#but anyway for the moment im just wallowing in my own fear and im doubly scared bc im finding myself falling into rabbit holes again#like empirically the worst thing that's gonna happen as a result of this mri is that they're gonna say i have to have another surgery#and the technology has advanced to a point where its way less invasive than what ive had previously#but the constant dull roar of my thoughts about the whole deal is just. increasingly delusional nonsense#and not to be overly morbid or anything but i decided a long time ago that if i ever had to be admitted to the hospital again i would rathe#well you know. and i don't wanna die. honestly i don't. but the idea of wading through that particular brand of hell again is torture#and im not gonna kill myself. im not. ive been working on that impulse for a long time and i don't want to undo all of that work#but im scared and i dont wanna spend the rest of my life in n out of the hospital or as a substance-abusing recluse. is that so much to ask#i want to fix this. i do. i don't wanna live in a hole anymore as fantastic mr fox would say. but the horrors persist#and i often find myself increasingly unable to cope. hence why i need the weed#anyway i'll be fine. eventually. i hope. but in the meantime i do want to say i appreciate you all. i mean it#i tend to regard myself (fairly or otherwise) as difficult to get along with in real life so despite the fact that i don't talk w y'all muc#i do appreciate y'all being there and making me feel like more of a person than i feel like i am lately <3
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welcometogrouchland · 2 years
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well idk about anyone else but i- as the anon who sent u the darius camila ask in the first place, would be elated
I'M WORKIN ON IT FOR U ANON 🫡
#ramblings of a lunatic#asks#i just rewatched asias (FAVOURITE EP) and it gave me like. a few new Darius thoughts#nothing big or revolutionary just Reminded me of his whole deal and how funny it is. he is being nice in the meanest way possible#i desperately want to pitch this man against camila's bitchy coworkers. it'll be a blood bath#ALSO THE BEGINNING OF DADRIUS#two ppl who want to be nice so bad but have so many issues and obstacles (both external and self made) blocking them...#...and then they become like father and son bc they encourage that kindness in each other. what if i bit something#also it reminded me of how hard huntlow slaps conceptually but tbh that's nothing new. it's like. engrained in my brain wrinkles atp#idk what 2 tell you. it's the first time hunter has no plausible deniability and gains nothing from helping the entrails and he still does#it's willow showing hunter the joy of not only proving ppl wrong but also the joy of being appreciated for who u r#and then he goes on to do that for her when she needs it most#she's someone confident who guides him but more importantly she makes him want to be better. bc she is so good to him#i can't tell if I'm experiencing midnight hunger pangs or if I'm emotional but i did get big eyed at the intro w/ willow this ep#SHE SPENT YEARS THINKING SHE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. SHE'S FINALLY BECOMING THE WITCH SHE WANTS TO BE#AND IN THIS EP SHE UNKNOWINGLY RECRUITS HER BIGGEST FANBOY. THIS BOYS ABT TO BE OBSESSED W/ HER AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW#ough. killing them out of like. cuteness aggression#I'm still only on 2B of my rewatch but idk who I'm gonna be when i get to the specials. the haircut scene. the pinky link. hhhhh
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vampacidic · 2 years
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what are your thoughts on suou tsukasa. i think she is very egglike and also chubby
uu i've acfually never really dug into tsukasa lore LMAO she's just not a character my brain attached to.. i feel like i'd be obsessed with her if i dug into her maybe 2 years agai bc her struggle with expectations reeeeally would've reflected my own at the time but i never did.. i think she's cute. a bit of a try hard but in the cutest way possible. for some reason i have all of her gacha five stars on both music and basic.... i'm squeezing her like this
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#ask#len 🐻#i tend to avoid characters/stories that deal heavily with weight gain/loss and eating problems regardless of what the message is bc of#my own mental health... regardless of whether the message reflects my own beliefs or not i just kinda. Cant deal with that stuff#which is why i tend to avoid knights stories... i think they have fun dynamics and i read fics (sometimes) but canon will just throw#out dieting culture/eating disorder stuff and i Physically can't deal with it lol...#i don't have an ED diagnosed but i recognize a lot of those purging/reward system behaviors in myself and i have found out the best way to#deal with them in my case is to jsut. ignore eating concepts as a whole#i work out i take care of myself i eat my veggies and that's about it and if i think too much the behavior comes back#so like. this is a long and personal tangent to say 'i haven't read any tsukasa stories because i'm afraid ED concepts will show up'#coughs. izumi#regardless i kinda watch her from a distance and go yeah.. that's the tsukasa#this is like how when tumblr had the like. 'posts based on what you like :)' feature that would just show up on mobile dash#i kept getting ED concepts and i was like haha! i physically can't do that! so i blocked so many ED blogs#actually when i still used twitter i had an old mutual deactivate#years later they came back to me via dms and were like 'hey it's X if you wanna be mutuals again?'#(cw for mentions of ED culture)#and they were an ED account lol. all rts of thinspo/calorie counting/etc#and i never responded bc i physically couldn't do it. lol. it was wild#anywya. sage lore of the day
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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