#bc hes not killing him to open a gate he just really REALLY wants him gone and yk 'if you want smthn done right you have to do it yourself'

[baldurs-writers-3]

Astarion: A Baldur's Gate 3 Fanfic Rec List

This week, we have Astarion Centric fics! Check under the cut for a whopping seventeen fics all about our favorite vampire spawn, and as always, give them a comment and kudos if you like them!

The stars began to burn by peregrinefeathers (87k, Mature) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Gale

An AU where instead of having an orb lodged in his chest Gale got stuck in a book. Then when a vampire spawn opened that book he got stuck in that vampire spawn's head. This is the best thing that has ever happened to Astarion; within 15 minutes he's running out of the Szarr palace into the sunlight. Then adventures begin!

Reccer says: a slow burn, like bloodweave is obvious endgame but it takes a while to get there, and Astarion is written /so/ well

Uncrossed Lines by Asidian (1209, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion & Wyll, Astarion & Halsin, Astarion & Karlach

Friends don't let friends get hurt and/or pressured into doing things they don't want to do

Reccer says: Just an incredibly sweet depiction of people recognizing Astarion's boundaries and helping to enforce them, whether he's expecting them to or not. I love it

Hydnellum Peckii by OctolingO (4403, General) Warnings: talks of Astarion's past but no gruesome details Pairings: none

Astarion is doing a great job hiding what he is from the party, until they reach the Underdark and he has nothing to feed on.

Reccer says: this is so angsty! i loved Gale being too curious for his own good and trying to help and be supportive, and all of Astarion's fears of getting kicked out or killed, bc nobody could ever be in his corner, and having anyone in a position of power apologizing *to him* like that's so foreign - this gave me so many feels!

caught between the dark and the dreaming by Raayide (18925, Teen) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Pairings: Astarion & Friends

Marcus wants answers, and no one is going to give them to him, unless he forces them to. Astarion is the unlucky target forced to drink a truth serum.

Reccer says: Absolutely delicious whump and found family comfort afterwards

of death potential and death absolute by Raayide (39119, Teen) Warnings: Derealization Pairings: Astarion & Gale, pre-relationship

Astarion is never quite sure, until the moment Cazador lies dead before him, whether this entire adventure is anything more than an extremely vivid hallucination.

Reccer says: this story takes Astarion and twists him up into a little heartbreaking ball of a premise that makes him think everything is just a dream, and how desperate he is to stay in the dream rather than waking up. it retells most of the game with a tight focus and some lovely lovely characters scenes, everyone gets a moment in the spotlight!

Those left behind by Gally (73949, Mature) Warnings: None Pairings: Past Astarion/Karlach

What's Astarion to do after the Absolute is destroyed and the love of his life is now dead?

Reccer says: Lots of funny. Lots of sad. Lots of excellent characterization and slow but steady healing

All it Cost Me by HydieMurderBabe (38529, Explicit) Warnings: Ite explicit, very raunchy and Durge elements of rougher kinds Pairings: Durge X Astarion

Two traumatized nubbins heal from their pasts. Lots of sex and violence ensues.

Reccer says: Its funny, its raunchy, its detailed and most of all I feel like Im invested in the pairing

Collision Course by VakarianSyndrome (123444, Explicit) Warnings: No warnings. Tropes: Modern Girl in Baldur's Gate, found family Pairings: Astarion/F!OC

Set in Baldur’s Gate, this series follows Adelaide, a human woman from Earth, and her somewhat clumsy attempts at navigating this new and fantastical realm. In the process, she falls for Astarion, the pale elf, vampire spawn with level 100 rizz.

Reccer says: It starts out really funny, but then gradually gets serious where needed. The buildup between Astarion and the OC is spicy and sweet, and the smut delivers! And it's completed!

No Good End in View by not_whelmed_yet (60,797, ongoing, Mature) Warnings: Character death (temporary), torture Pairings: Astarion/Wyll/Karlach

Astarion doesn't get time to be terrified of the party, because Wyll cuts off what he sees as a feral vampire spawn's head long before he can try to seduce them. The only problem is that this doesn't kill him. And it continues to not kill him.

Reccer says: this is an achingly beautiful exploration of a team that gets off not so much on the wrong foot but on a freefall - each doing horrible things to each other in ways that all read perfectly understandable from their point of views, but have wretched lasting consequences. the author writes them so in character that I want to throttle them and fall in love all over again

What Could Have Been by Bella1433 (70000, Explicit) Warnings: There is mention of past sexual trauma, its Explicit, and goes into dark territory but not dead dove. Pairings: Named Tav X Astarion

Astarion's transformation into a vampire lord and Sima's fight to reclaim their lost love thrust them into a perilous dance of power, obsession, and redemption.

Reccer says: Its dark, rich, has a different tone and some of the most immersive writing I've read

the ghost of elturel by Raayide (4452, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion and Zevlor

Astarion and Zevlor meet, talk, hate each other, and hate themselves. There is nothing particularly of note about any of it.

Reccer says: Recognition of self in the other tied with some amazing introspection and metaphor

Circus of the dead by Ineadhyn (5995, Explicit) Warnings: Rape/Non-con, graphic violence, self-harm Pairings:

A dark horror circus AU with Astarion, Cazador, and his other spawns.

Reccer says: This is so beautiful, tragic, gripping, and I'm utterly obsessed with everything about it.

No Good Deeds by Garnett Gibson (39715, Explicit) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

A young woman trying to be a good person gets corrupted by Astarion as they navigate the tadpole issue.

Reccer says: Delicious slow burn and creative deviations from canon.

The Lord and his new ways by FartasticDurge (26459, Explicit) Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Coercion, Manipulation, Abusive Relationships, Dissociation Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Ascended Astarion and Spawn Tav's post-game turbulent relationship from Tav's POV.

Reccer says: She struggles between doing what she thinks is right and obeying him, and seeing her process is interesting. In the latest chapter, they go to therapy, a unique twist for Ascended Astarion.

In Time by FartasticDurge (16927, Explicit) Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Pairings: Astarion/Tav, Astarion & Gale

Post-canon fic where Astarion is looking for a Tav who died and reincarnated into another person. Gale helps him find her, but things take an unexpected turn when they find her.

Reccer says: Astarion POV, a lot of D&D lore, the friendship between Gale and Astarion is interesting and supportive. Tav and Astarion's roles are reversed; he is being nice and she is suspicious of him, which is a nice twist with funny moments.

How Far You've Come by Garnett Gibson (5481, Explicit) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Astarion's obedient consort has come a long way, but sometimes she still steps out of line.

Reccer says: I liked it!

If Only For One Night by Terrormisu (682, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

With their party always busy, Astarion finds himself longing for his little love.

Reccer says: It's a short sweet one shot that made me feel all warm and squishy inside. Hehe. But even the implied intimacy was steamy.

The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ!

Next week, we’ll be back with another character rec list, this time focusing on Family!

[ganondoodle]

some destiny (zelda comic) lore

i really have absolutely no problem with AUs, but in the case of my zelda comic i kinda dont like it being called that bc i made it specifically around the idea of offering an origin story to .. everything really that could be true and put the entire series in an entirely different light

like most things in the series around the creation of the world and the godesses etc are told to us, and i always ask questions when sth is just told to you especially in this black and white kind of way

idk if i ever talked about it, probably not bc its somewhat of a big reveal in the comic (though its at the very end) and given how slow i am thats years away so:

the three gods (gods as a neutral term here) exists outside the physical realm in a sort of void like darkness with an endless completely calm ocean they created the world we know as hyrules world, in fact they created two more, each of them filled with life, at some point choosing a mortal to kill and make into a deity as their right hand since the gods cant go into these worlds themselves

they want to enact the plan we see in skyward sword, they want a monster to invade the land, their chosen deity to seal it, die and be reincarnated and start the whole zelda cycle as we know it; why?maybe purely as entertainment, which is why each cycle is so widely different, they are gods and treating life and worlds like their little toys feels kinda right- and they really dont like when their toys act against them, thats not what toys are supposed to do after all

so, courage as i like to call them, was a deity they created using a mortal, but they failed to even make their mortals believe in them, instead they were seen as the monster, the gods lost their patience and drowned their world leaving only courage to survive, while they failed their orders and were hated, they still cared about their world, seeing it slowly drown and abandoned by the gods made them filled with despair, in an outburst they destroy the spring of the gods (an ancient spring that is the first to exist in a world when its created) and it opens up a gate into the realm of the gods, that dark calm ocean of nothing- they go into it and wander into the closest source of light and it brings them into demise's world

demise is the deity of his world, and when courage arrives there they start to attack it, filled with desperation and rage that their world was drowned while this one thrived- demise hasnt failed the gods yet, and he fights and seals away courage with easy, but it lets him doubt the gods words, courage was supposed to be some evil monster, yet they were similar to him and he defeated them so easily, why would he chose to die and be reincarnated as a mortal? he wanted to stay a deity and protect his world forever- he started to stall for time, halting the building of the temples for the hero in the future, and at some point courage broke out of its seal, nothing of it was like before it was a strange and now truly, a monster, and demise killed it to protect his lands, thus making the gods prophecy unable to be furfilled and so the gods abandon his world too, they let mortals turn against him as his world slowly dries out, until there is nothing left alive but him and ghirahim, trying to drive him to madness so he becomes the monster for the the next world in the row, but fail just barely- he too destroys the ancient spring and discovers the gate it creates

so demise travels to hylias world, and hylia, hesitates to seal him right away bc she notices he is not a mindless monster like she was told, despite the gods effort to raise her in isolation and make her into the perfect vassal, hylias curiousity is too much, so she lets demise live, over and over as they battle- which is the story of the comic, at the end they fall in love and uncover the gods plans, that demise was in the same position as hylia is, and he killed a deity jsut like them, that the reincarnation thing might be a lie to get rid of the biggest threat to the gods (the deities needed to be gotten rid of before they realized anything) and replace it with a more controllable mortal once the set up for the play was done, this too has been a cycle in the end the gods make sure this time it ends up how they want, more or less (im leaving out the details for now) and demise gets sealed and hylia dies, both of them taken by the gods but as both resisted them it is not perfect, demise still did not turn into the monster they needed so what you fight in skyward sword is an apparition of him, not him truly, and ghirahim knew he would never be himself again but his desperation and devotion made him try anyway only to end up playing right into the gods hands

and that is how the series started, a scheme of the gods to create their little play, inventing new little adversaries and eviil beings but short lived so easily to reinvent over and over, but its all based on lies, zelda isnt special, she was jsut a mortal that happened to be chosen by the gods to take the role she has now, shes no reincarnation of hylia, none of the things they tell you about hylia are true, its the gods lying to you, and the trio is stuck in this cycle not realizing they are merely being played with

(being sealed or dying as a deity send you to the realms of the gods, where they pin them down on a pillar like bugs (unconcious) and occasional borrow their magic for some tricks and schemes to play with in the world of hyrule, the deities are still there, and will be until the gods decide to kill them fully- and at the end of destiny as demise is take by them, in the last few moments before he is hung up like a trophy he not only sees that courage, who he thought he had fully killed, was already there, but in the darkness were countless remains of abandoned deities hanging dead on pillars, how many times have the gods done this before?)

(possibly not as interesting as i hope it is, but this is what im going for, and it only really works if the rest of the series exists just the same, otherwise the whole point of putting everything in this context would become kinda meaningless? at least thats how i feel about it so i dont like calling it an AU, but im not mad about it bc i guess if you take all the lore at face value it is completely different and doesnt work with canon at all? idk )

[lueurjun]

youtuber bf sunghoon

youtuber!sunghoon x reader! in which he is a world renowned youtube star with millions of subscribers but his favourite person will always steal the spotlight — requests are open officially now if you want something specific:)

honestly i see him being one of those youtubers that started posting when they were a kid and just grew a huge fan base from there

like hes been posting since he was like eleven and now hes 20 with over 15 million subs

yes. i’m giving him 15 million. he deserves more. subscribe to him rn

and you’re not on the youtube scene until the two of you start dating

but how you met is actually filmed

he was filming a vlog with his friends and they decided to film a basketball vid for heeseung’s channel

now sunghoon isn’t bad at basketball but he isn’t the best

so you can probably see where this is going

if not then… you were innocently passing by the court when the ball flung over the high gate and smacked you in the side of the head

you wanted death to welcome you

really you could’ve curled up in a ball

pain and embarrassment you didn’t know which was worse

“riki stop laughing- oh my god-”

you couldn’t really see that well but you managed to make out multiple figures on the court standing still just staring

one of them had their hands slapped over their mouth so you assumed that one was riki

someone was leaving the court but you couldn’t make out it it was one person or two because your vision was off

poor you just wanted a slushie to cool you down

you ended up walking away with bf tho so let’s be real… getting slapped in the head was worth it

“i’m so sorry- are you okay?”

“oh no. it’s fine. cant see but you know… it’s all good”

you little people pleaser you

the person takes your hand awkwardly to try and steady you

because that ball had knocked off your entire balance

thats so embarrassing for you im so sorry for doing this to you BUT ITS FOR THE PLOT! you’re gorgeous enough to get through it, your face card never declines bae just take it in stride

after a few moments your vision settled and you were finally able to focus on the boy

and boy was he fine

suddenly the embarrassment seemed worse than the pain

because a really hot guy just watched you get a ball to the head

“do i need to take you somewhere to get checked? you don’t have a concussion right? i didn’t kill you or anything?”

the only thing he killed was your ego

despite insisting that you’re fine, he convinces you to let him buy you a slushie as a makeup gift

cue the annoying wolf whistles when his friends see the two of you walking away together

sunghoon flips them off forgetting all about the video he was supposed to film for heeseung

and you best believe that long legged mf kept that part in the vid

anyways the two of you get a slushie together and he tells you all about his channel and eventually when it’s time for you to head home

he asks if he can see you again

and you’re just like *debby ryan meme* who me?

that was horrifyingly cringe i am so sorry

skipping past that, you are not about to turn this man down so you agree and a date is scheduled

moving on from how sunghoon was blessed with your existence, let’s get into your relationship — my favourite part;D

his fans absolutely adore you as they should

im your biggest fan tho don’t forget that pls

literally his stans beef with him asking if he can fight

no but fr can he because i’ll get my boxing gloves on rn

sorry sorry

videos with you always get a lot of views but there isn’t many of them since he does value privacy and is quite protective

theres like a video with you once every six months and then you’ll just make the odd appearance in the background

his friends LOVE having you in their videos tho bc you bring in them views bc everyone loves you so much

ultimately as much sunghoon would like to protect and shield you, he knows you are your own person and let’s you decide whether you want to be in their videos or not

most of the time you’re like sure because it’s fun

there’s definitely fan made compilations of sunghoon being an absolute simp for you

THE FAN EDITS!!! THE FAN EDITS!!!

you literally sit and watch them before you go to sleep

ngl id do that too i don’t blame u

the video of you being knocked out by the ball is an iconic moment in his fandom

his friends bring it up any chance they get

“remember when sunghoon knocked all of the brain cells out of their head?”

“what brain cells? they had none to begin with.”

cue you throwing a pillow at the youngest for that comment

“you’re like 6! go learn how to read.”

ni-ki definitely sees you as an older sibling and as much as he teases you, he adores you

the boy literally threatens sunghoon whenever you aren’t around

“i swear if you mess up this relationship and make me a child of divorce, i will roundhouse kick you”

sunghoon just snorts but he knows he will never ever hurt you

because the idea of breaking your precious heart genuinely fills him with dread and nausea

also because me and ni-ki have a y/n protection squad going. we’ve got your back ml don’t worry

sometimes he films for hours and then goes straight to editing with no breaks so you always supply him with some water and snacks

that definitely convinces him to take a break because he just needs to kiss all over your face for being so darn amazing

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him

isn’t sappy often but he has his moments where he’ll remind you of how much he genuinely loves and appreciates you

those little declarations always make you sob

and now i’m gonna sob because you’re both just so in love

definitely the internets favourite couple

now that’s over, excuse me whilst i go slide down a wall and cry of loneliness:)

small end note — had this in the drafts for a while and i’m not too keen on it but it took some time to do, so here we are. also thank you for all of your support recently! i’m very grateful and appreciate of you! much love! :)

[aliquistis]

On Mystra and Gale

Okay I gotta say it.

tl;dr: Gale is too old to have been groomed by Mystra (unless you headcanon him as 30 or younger), bc she was dead until 1479 (game year is 1492). I am not defending Mystra. Mystra is a mess. Her (FR) writing is a mess. But for this at least, the timeline doesn't add up.

Disclaimer: there is absolutely nothing wrong with people disregarding/tweaking lore for fan works/fanfic. God knows I do it all the time when I GM. That's your story now and you can do whatever you want with it, including exploring problematic relationships like what if Gale was groomed by Mystra? This is just a post for general information. Write what you want. Explore those dark recesses of the human heart. Fly free, you beautiful butterfly.

Too long but still gonna read explanation under the cut.

Let me preface this again: This is not a post in defense of Mystra. I have, in fact, been very loudly complaining about Mystra since long before Baldur's Gate 3 was even hinted. This is simply pointing out timeline discrepancies that it seems many newcomers to Forgotten Realms aren't aware of (totally understandable! You should not need to ingest 30 years of lore to enjoy a game and I'm not saying you do.) Additionally, FR literally kills Mystra every new edition and it gets dumber every time.

Anyways. It is highly unlikely that Gale was groomed by Mystra. This is not a statement of morality, it's a statement of timeline. Mystra died in 1385. She was in pieces (like bits of her magic were still in artifacts/her Chosen, such as Elminster in lore that I absolutely despise) and that, as far as I can tell, is how magic subsisted until 1479, when she was reconstituted by Elminster (in lore that I absolutely despise) This is a gross oversimplification of an event called the Spellplague. I am open to correction on how magic worked here because I moved to Pathfinder during the 4e era and you could not make me read those Elminster books if you put a gun to my head.

Regardless, from 1385-1479, Mystra was dead/missing/asleep. BG3 takes place in 1492. If Gale is 40 years old, he was born in 1452. This means, if Gale is 40, the youngest he could have been was 27 when Mystra contacted him. This lowers, obviously, if you think Gale is 35 or even 30. If he's 30 then Mystra could have contacted him at 17. Yes, a 17 year-old is a child and this could have led to grooming, but Mystra wasn't at full strength when she first returned and she most likely wasn't seeking new Chosen until the next year, 1480. Regardless, this is the reason I put grooming as Highly Unlikely instead of Impossible. I personally believe Gale is older than 30 (I say this as a person in their 30s), I believe he was written with the intention of being a man older than 30, and I cannot see him being in his 20s. (more power to you if that's your headcanon, he's an archmage, he could be 600 for all we know, fly free, etc)

OKAY THAT SAID. Would she have groomed him? Fucking probably! Mystra is a mess. I have been playing in Forgotten Realms in tabletop and video game settings for going on 25 years now and let me tell you. Mystra is a mess. I could make a whole long ass other post on all the many problems I've had with her writing over the years. Even without the "Mystra banged a minor" angle here, there is a serious power imbalance and very obvious manipulation on her part. And I'm here to tell you Gale isn't even the first wizard she has done this to! She's done much worse! Mystra has a ton of flaws (I could write a BOOK on Mystra's flaws) but it remains highly unlikely that grooming Gale in particular is one of them.

If you'd like more FR lore this person has some amazing lore write-ups that I really enjoyed reading during EA. And here is Mystra's forgotten realms wiki page, already linked to her death and return.

(my friend told me to post this after I kept bitching to them about Lore on discord and They Know Who They Are)

[horsetailcurlers2]

Please ramble about Tedstina I’m a total truther lol. Their chemistry was SO intense and palpable from the second Teddy stepped on screen and I agree about them not getting together whilst Teddy was mentoring her but I always thought the Henry plot was a perfect lead in to them developing something long term. Like in my head Cristina dumps Owen after he makes her lie about Henry and in Teddy’s grief and Cristina’s guilt they get closer, eventually sleeping together and then dating. Out of all the couples something about them both being so stubborn but also so clear eyed, ambitious and somewhat cold makes them the most likely to last in my opinion. A little line with Burke but this time they actually know and like each other lmao. And it would definitely be a little twisted since Cristina technically ‘killed’ Henry and then dated his widow but also it’s no darker than other weird romance plots on greys lol. Plus they would’ve been hot as hell 😭

yess you get it. okay but be forewarned this is a true ramble- it may only be vaguely coherent as i’m just going off the cuff.

exactly the chemistry is genuinely insane!!!! the thing about greys that bums me out in the early seasons is that they had an aversion to making any of their main female characters canonically queer. like, i get it, bc getting the callie storyline out there was an uphill battle. but it’s like they want to be explicitly clear all the time that cristina and meredith are both very very Straight. and that’s a whole other thing i could go on about. all this to preface that i think if the show aired now, cristina would be canonically openly queer right out the gate.

by the time teddy came along, it was still pretty early in the owen/cristina and so he hadn’t really done anything yet to make him quite so hate-able. and after hahn there was a big gap left where cristina was sorely lacking in a good mentor. burke was almost a good mentor but then you know they started canoodling and he eventually got frustrating. hahn just straight up refused to teach cristina despite her clear enthusiasm and untapped talent. then teddy comes in and it’s like…. she’s brilliant, she’s not put off by cristina’s cristinaness and she actually seems to be interested in the teaching aspect of working at a teaching hospital (which was fucking rare at that point). so i was immediately drawn to the teddy-cristina dynamic. especially with the complication of owen being the common link.

i could go on a whole other ramble about teddy and the long lasting effects that stemmed from allison’s death and the guilt about that infidelity but suffice to say by the time we meet teddy she’s pretty messed up about love.

and as we know, cristina has a long history of being attracted to mentor figures.

i think that with teddy’s infatuation with owen being shut down on his end pretty early on (despite him doing a total one eighty in the later seasons and claiming to have always loved her 🙄) it opened the door for her to realize WHY she was attracted to him in the first place (a best friend she made in a war zone shortly after the allison tragedy, him already being in a relationship).

SO anyway teddy meets cristina. they’re both in love (?🙄) with owen, they are both passionate about the same specialty, they both have tragedy and failed romance in their pasts.

and i see what you mean about them being very similar. but they are also opposite (and therefore perfectly complimentary) in a lot of ways. i personally think teddy is a lot more optimistic than she appears. she’s not easily discouraged. i also like that right off the bat she recognizes cristina’s talent, takes a liking to her, and is kind of just impervious to cristina’s dislike/wariness of her. i think it’s so funny how almost everyone but meredith is at first really put off by cristina’s bluntness or outright offended by her but teddy is just like “i respect your skill, i’m not gonna take any shit, i know i’m great at my job so let me do it and we’ll be chill”

i think that the conversation about teddy wanting to leave and cristina begging her to stay and yelling that teddy can have owen was a turning point for both of them. i think they both had a lot of revelations.

AND THEN i think the saga of henry’s death was also a major turning point for their relationship. i don’t think this would make their relationship that twisted tbh bc i don’t think teddy ever saw it that way. i think if she blamed anyone other than herself, it was owen (which, yeah bc the way he handled that was fucking bonkers). and i’ve seen a lot of frustrating stuff (mostly on tiktok lol which i have to stay away from bc there’s rarely any nuance on there when it comes to fandom/media discussions) about how teddy repeatedly grilling cristina about henry’s death was the worst thing she ever did and she was punishing cristina or something. but i think that that isn’t true at all in the slightest. it was fucked up and brutal and it was a grief response that was terribly unfair to cristina, but i think it actually showed the two of them being on the same wavelength in a lot of ways. cristina isn’t fazed (at least visibly) by teddy’s need to hear it over and over. bc i think she understood why teddy needed to hear it. they both deal with grief by making it about the facts and about the medicine. teddy needed to know that there is nothing anyone could have done to save him so that she doesn’t feel like she has another death on her hands. and i think cristina gets that because of her backstory with her fathers death. AGAIN i think they just get each other in ways that owen never got either of them.

AND HOW COULD I NOT MENTION THAT TEDDY HAS ACTUALLY SAID “i’m in love with cristina yang”

ANYWAY i personally have this AU idea in my head where they cross paths in europe and reconnect.

[thirstyforcharacters]

Reconnection

Part 2 of the Mistakes Series

Part 1: Mistakes. Part 3: Healing

Summary: You walked away from Joel after the confrontation at Bill and Frank’s. You thought you’d never see him again. Until you did.

Warnings: angst!!!!! reader is lonely :( Joel and reader are getting better at emotions!!! mentions of canon typical violence, allusion to sexual activities, happy-ish ending

WC: 2025

Notes: soooo here is the sequel to Mistakes!! I had originally planned on only having this series be two parts, and then I thought it would be three or four, but now I’m kind of back to only doing two bc I really liked how this part ended!!! Lmk what you think about that!!

Walking out was simultaneously the best and worst thing you could’ve done for yourself. You didn’t wake up feeling unwanted. You did what you wanted when you wanted because no one was there to hover over you. You lived in the woods, trading with other people like you, dodging Infected, and killing raiders who tried to make your life more of a living hell than living on this earth already was.

But you were lonely. You missed the times you had with Joel and Tess before everything happened. You missed the feeling of having a family, even if they weren’t a great one at the end. They were the only two people you trusted, and not having that safety net was terrifying. But you made your choice and you stuck to it. On April 23rd, 2023, you left the Boston QZ and didn’t look back, not even as Joel pleaded with you to stay. Not even as you saw tears start to fill Tess’s eyes for the first and last time. Not even as you snuck through the gate and slit the FEDRA agent’s throat who tried to stop you.

For a year, you wandered. Slowly, you traveled, going from Boston down to Pennsylvania, then you made your way through the Midwest. You didn’t really have a destination, you just knew that you wanted to be as far away from Boston as you could get.

And on April 23rd, 2024, you found Jackson, Wyoming.

Well to be more specific, the residents found you.

As always, you were wandering on your own. What was snow covered terrain in the winter was now grasslands in the spring as you hiked over prairies and rolling fields, slowly approaching the Rockies to the west. At some point, you crossed a few rivers, but honestly, so much of what you traveled had blurred together at this point. It was nighttime, and you laid down to rest, setting up a small camp as always. You slept for only two hours, which wasn’t abnormal for you. But what wasn’t normal for you was to be surrounded by three people on horseback pointing rifles at you when you woke up. Immediately, you put your hands in the air. You could take three people easily if they were on the ground, but on horseback, you were at a major disadvantage.

“Who’re you?” the one in the center asked.

His accent was familiar. You searched for his face, blinking your eyes open in the dark, slowly adjusting to the low light.

“‘M Y/n. Just passing through.”

“You by yourself?” he asked again.

Your eyes widened once they were finally adjusted from the dark.

It was Tommy, Joel’s brother.

You knew him back in the day, before he ran off to join the Fireflies. He was always a bit friendlier than his older brother, despite everything he’d gone through. And he was handsome, though you had always preferred Joel in that regard.

“Tommy?”

Your voice was much more confused than you would’ve liked, but it made him stop in his tracks. He studied your face, searching for something in it until the light turned on.

“Oh, shit, you’re that Y/n! Sorry I didn’t recognize you at first, it’s been a while.”

But his gun was still pointed at you. And you knew why.

“I’m not Infected. You can check me yourselves if you want.”

You rolled up your sleeves and your pantlegs to prove a point, showing off the lack of bites and claw marks on your body.

The person on the right, a woman with dark hair jumped down from her horse. It was at that point that you noticed a dog beside them, growling at you.

“The dog will know if you’re telling the truth,” she said.

You tensed up. Despite knowing that you were clean, the large creature baring its teeth at you was still unnerving. But you allowed him to approach, and soon his growls faded as he nudged you with his nose. You couldn’t help but smile as you scratched his head, the animal giving you some comfort as you looked up at the people who were now getting off of their horses. Tommy offered you his hand and you took it, allowing him to help you off of the ground. The dark haired woman smiled at you, and the other person, a man with light brown hair and glasses looked you over.

“It’s good to see you again, Y/n. It’s been a long time,” said Tommy with a smile.

“It’s good to see you, too. Always enjoyed your company,” you responded honestly.

His smile grew a little wider, but then dropped as he asked you, “What are you doing out here by yourself? Always thought if I saw you again, it would be with Joel and Tess.”

You tensed up, and he noticed.

“Long story. Don’t have time to tell it,” you offered simply, “what about you? Still with those Fireflies?”

He chuckled, “Not exactly. I’ll show you when we get there. You can share my horse.”

Despite not seeing him in many years, you trusted him. So, ignoring the sleep that wanted to retake you, you gathered your few belongings and got on the horse, along with the two others. During the ride, you learned their names were Maria and Allen.

“Maria’s my wife,” Tommy said, beaming with pride, “we’re parents now, can you believe it?”

You smiled at them both, “Congratulations!”

But why would they want a child in a world like this?

As the sun was rising over the Wyoming mountainside, you arrived at your destination. You couldn’t help but gasp out loud at the wooden gates and stare in shock at the beautiful town sprawled out before you.

“Holy shit, Tommy!” is all you could think to say.

Tommy laughed, his eyes crinkling at the sides, “Welcome to Jackson.”

Maria smiled and said, “We’ll find a place to put you up. I’m sure you’re tired since we interrupted your sleep. We can take you on a tour in the morning.”

Suddenly, your exhaustion hit you, your eyes drooping involuntarily as a yawn escaped your lips.

“That sounds great.”

You honestly didn’t even remember falling asleep, but when you woke up to knocking at the front door of your new house, the sun was high in the sky. You yawned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you trudged through your bedroom and the rest of your house to reach the front door.

“Hey, Y/n! Feel a little better?”

Tommy was on your doorstep with a smile.

You nodded, “Still a little sleepy, but much better, thank you.”

“Good,” he said, “you ready for that tour, now?”

“Sure.”

Tommy led you through town, pointing out the important buildings: the stables, the bar, of course, and the clinic, while explaining how things worked in town.

“Oh, and since you’re capable, we’ll probably put you in the patrol rotation as soon as you’re settled in…”

But you weren’t listening anymore. The two of you approached the school, since Tommy thought maybe you could help teach there, and there you saw something you hoped you’d never see again.

Joel.

He was talking to a teenaged girl with brown hair and a bright smile. He was laughing at something she had said, his eyes twinkling with a brightness you had never seen in them before.

Blood rushed to your ears as your heart pounded in your chest. You couldn’t help the way your hands shook as adrenaline rushed through you.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to see him again.

“Y/n, you okay?” asked Tommy softly.

Joel’s head whipped around upon hearing your name. It couldn’t really be you, could it? Your hair was too long and tangled, your clothes too torn and dirty, your shoes barely staying on your feet.

But those eyes were unmistakable. They carried so much weight, even more than the last time he saw you. They were filled with fear, anger, sadness, but worst of all, loneliness. And it was his fault.

Joel never stopped blaming himself for what happened. He missed you every day, and no one, not even Tess could pull him from his misery. Ellie filled the Sarah-sized hole in his heart, but there was still a you-sized hole from the past year. And now that you were before him, he was determined to get you back.

“Y/n.”

The soft murmur of your name was enough to shake you of your stupor.

“Joel.”

You said nothing more. What else was there to say?

“Hey, Ellie, you want to come to my place? Maria’s baking cookies,” Tommy asked, giving you both a meaningful look.

“Sure! You’d better come around then, too, Joel!” the girl, Ellie, said cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to what was occurring.

“I will, Ellie. You run along now,” Joel replied, smiling softly at the retreating figures of Ellie and his brother.

Then his attention was on you. And quite frankly, you didn’t know what to do.

Joel stepped toward you, closing the gap until you were face to face with the man that had been haunting your dreams for the past year.

“Didn’t expect to see you around here,” he said.

You heard the weight his voice carried. Even if others couldn’t read the stoic man, you could. You knew him too well, even after all of this time.

“Well that makes two of us.”

The bitterness still tinging your voice makes him wince slightly.

“It’s good to see you alive,” he offered, “that you’re okay.”

“No thanks to you.”

The tone was sharp, offered no room for friendliness or forgiveness.

Joel sighed softly, running his fingers through his graying hair, “I know. I’ve thought about it every day.”

That made you pause, the anger simmering below the surface beginning to give way.

“Me too.”

You wouldn’t say that you missed him. That you dreamed about a world where the three of you were still a team. That when you felt really lonely, your fingers would slip below your waistband, still thinking of him. That you often wished desperately that you never left. But you felt like he knew.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

His smile was tight lipped and his eyes swam with the ghosts of your shared past.

“No Tess?”

Her absence was noticeable to you. In the time the three of you had worked together, you didn’t go anywhere without the others.

Joel shook his head, “Dead.”

“Raiders?”

“Infected.”

“Oh,” you gasped, “I’m sorry.”

And you were. Tess was a good friend and a strong ally. Her death was unexpected to you, and you knew Joel had to have been there to see it. You wouldn’t wish that upon your worst enemy.

He looked at the ground, breaking eye contact with you for the first time, “Losing her was hard. I had already lost you, and then I lost her. Just like Sarah.”

Joel was never one to talk about his emotions, but you had broken down that wall during your partnership. And though you didn’t let your guard down to him, here he was using a wrecking ball.

“Joel, I-” this time you ran your fingers through the tangled mess that was your hair, trying to search for something to say.

But he continued, “I know what I did to you was wrong. Shutting you out wasn’t the answer, and I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t. But maybe leaving wasn’t the best answer for me, either.”

That was the first time you had really admitted that to yourself.

“I should’ve talked to you, like this, before making a choice so rash. I’m so-”

“You don’t have to apologize. You did what you had to. You have to do what’s best for you in this world,” Joel interrupted, returning his gaze to you.

You nodded, “Well, maybe this is a chance for us to start fresh. Maybe it was meant to happen.”

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, “Maybe it was. Let me walk you home.”

And you did, with the feeling that you’d let him do it again and again.

[angelofverdum]

Station 19 7x09

I'm so emotional right now. I can't believe it.

I've been fighting with this dam show more than I should have because it's not that good honestly but my gawd I'm so emotional right now, like they are my family.

Everybody is leaving and It's so sad. Like hello? Come back what the hell? It's not fair

Can you imagine if instead of wasting 3 seasons with Krista, we could have had Peter and Zoanne as showrunners making great storylines?

I'm not saying it wouldn't have been cancelled by season 7 but the ride would have been so much better.

I'm not worried about Maya being trapped in the fire, they totally getting her out of there. They know that Maya and Carina are fan favorites, and I like to believe they are smart people.

If there's a small possibility that the show gets picked up, a spin-off, a movie, idk whatever they'll lose it if they touch that bisexual couple. Love the tension tho.

So, Vic and Travis are leaving. I'm not sure about Travis bc he really likes the latino guy but who knows.

Maya is gonna get scared about what is happening and gonna quit, trying something safer.

Warren is thinking seriously about being a doctor again. Nothing against him but please don't take him back to Greys I'm begging.

However, you can bring back Carina all you want. Give her a spin-off if you wish, call it Deluca's Anatomy where she opens a private practice and her wife is there too.

I love Andy and Maya's friendship and we got to see a bit of what it was back in season 1. It helps you to see how far they have come. I wish Vic would have been there but I get that she had to deal with Travis.

Now, Why did they bring Theo just to try to kill him? That was so funny to me.

I love all the easter eggs: Monogamy is for the weak, Maya's jacket, Hughie, Calling Ben "Dad", etc etc.

This episode was definitely special. The focus was the fire and everybody got their turn to shine, there were no dumb side plots.

I'm kinda done talking because they are all leaving and I'm just a girl with feelings.

BUT I do want to talk about that hot scene because listen:

Maya was so in the moment she didn't know what Carina was talking about.

Maya's hand placement

Maya's reaction when Carina says "hot" the third time

Maya chasing after Carina's lip

Carina's tongue

Eye contact

Maya getting comfortable because she knows she is about to touch the gates of heaven

Mind you, this was the moment Maya got Carina pregnant

[keywhole]

radio waves.

okay i toss this to the wolves. i've only seen like 1/4th of the game so if u tag this w spoiler mentions pls add that theres spoilers bc I Will Read Every Tag.

18+ for heavy gore. also. trigger warning for gore.

sanmos deimos/sanford lil hurt/comfort bc deimos has adhd/autism it's true he told me himself also ty @sparrowchute for editing this bc i would never 4.8k words enjoy

——————————————————————————————————

Hearing the alarms on the rooftop had sucked ass, but in the sewers? Oh, Deimos wanted to kill himself.

The sound pierced directly through his headphones as if they were made of clay. They weren’t. They were a good sturdy pair of a headset; Deimos just kept them a few sizes down for them to be pressed into his head. For something he found as a joke, his dumbass trademark had become a lifesaver. He never understood the phrase “so quiet you can hear a pin drop,” until he found these. And, well, after Doc fixed them up a little, but even before that they were perfect. He could finally hear and not hear at the same time. Instead of hearing every single creak of metal or wood, pounding enemies a dozen feet from him, with stomping footsteps behind, he just heard the footsteps. Instead of being in car crashes and hearing every sputter of the engine, every shriek that the windows made as they broke, he just heard Sanford asking if everyone was okay, Hank complaining about an illegal left, and his own laughter. It was like he was a radio, and the dial finally found a sweet spot.

But somehow, those tall ass dinner bells had shot right through the shells. The headphones were no match for the blaring sound the towers bellowed, and they didn’t stop. It started out as just an annoying ringing in his ears, fine, nothing he hasn’t dealt with before. But they really didn’t stop. Deimos and Sanford were careful, duh, but zeds weren’t. Little tiny pebbles that touched a goddamn pixel within their range weren't careful. Sure, yeah, it was pretty much par for the course for the two of them, but it sucked ass. And then sucked more ass. 

Every ricochet of drops hitting the sewer water echoed in Deimos’ ears. The water simply moved and bounced in his eardrums and never stopped, because that’s how water works. The old metal creaked inches from age and what lived behind the bars, and even with their sneaking and stealthy footsteps, they sounded like slams against the ground. The feeling of it too was louder to himself because it was, y’know, himself, and Deimos wanted to punch through the side of his head and close his eardrums by hand. He had considered if that would be beneficial in the long run, but they didn’t have enough bandages for all that jazz. He was in hell, and he’d have to deal with it for now. Deimos had done better with worse.

It still SUCKED MAJOR ASS though.

Especially when Sanford had simply explained a plan for once they get out of this place, and Deimos just had to find a dick joke in there, and moved his hand slightly too far to the left and set off an alarm. The same constant ringing that ripped through his skull, except it was amplified by the tunnel of steel encasing the two of them. A shit-fart of a cacophony. It got to the point where he couldn’t tell if it was a zed’s skull or his own cracking in half. The latches of the gate audibly flaked rust as they wailed open, letting a disgusting amount of sludge that pounded against the water beneath it, all combined with the swampy zeds treaded forward with footsteps that sounded like they belonged to moist giants. Not only that, but one of them (if not both) had been pushed into another alarm, which doubled the process.

In case it needed reminding in the last five hundred and eighty-seven words, Deimos wanted to kill himself.

The fights weren’t exactly a big deal physically. The second wave sort of (literally) swamped them, but it wasn’t anything the two of them couldn’t handle. Sanford was slashing his hook through skulls, using various heads as surprisingly useful hammers. Deimos switched between his gun and his bat, but he was off his game. Sanford was there, and his guard over both of them around zeds made up for it, but at some point Deimos couldn’t take it anymore. He took out his gun, and didn’t let go of the trigger. The noise was worse, the recoil creating a sound that not only shot outside his body, but inside, too. But, hey, if his ears were going to bleed, he had to do some of the damage himself. Go big or go home, and the latter didn’t have much meaning for him. So he flooded his ears until he felt Sanford pull his wrist aside.

Deimos’ head was pounding. Luckily, Sanford took a second to scan their surroundings to inadvertently  give the other a chance to compose his face. He pinched between his eyes, not a single beat in the air dropping. Everything was at a constant state of screeching, despite the outward danger being nill. He was about to consider busting his head open and ripping out whatever part of the brain registered sound when Sanford turned back around. He knew Sanford was scanning him to make sure he was okay, and at least it seemed Deimos could keep it together on the outside, in the dark. Sanford quickly gestured for him to follow, hugging the wall a bit more. Deimos knew that also meant to parrot his movements and follow him carefully.

“Up ahead there seems to be a dip in the wall,” Sanford said whispering, though it hit the other like he was speaking in his normal volume, “We should be able to at least breathe for a second.”

“Gotcha,” Deimos whispered in a desperate amount to not say anything more. He was talking as quietly as he could, an attempt to not even be able to hear it himself, but he still did. It received a nod from the other, so at least he knew he was keeping it together at the moment. They shuffled, and he put up with it, his head on a swivel as natural. His face was constantly twitching in discomfort. 

The ringing didn’t stop. It didn’t even start to ebb off.

Luckily, the little dip had been just a small, closed off alley-sorta thing. The two of them checked it out for any ironic traps, but Deimos called it quits far before Sanford and sat himself down. His ass hit the ground and his hands immediately flew up to press his headphones deeper into his head. It muffled some of the water, but the metal was loud.

Sanford wasn’t looking.

One of his hands was pressing against the edge of their little hiding hole while the other was gripping at the handle of his hook. His head was jotting around as he scanned the surroundings. The exit was in sight, but it was still quite a few tip-toes away. There was little to no telling of what was behind that door. Of what Sanford could remember, he could work out some kind of probability, but it’d be a long shot. And with shots on the mind, he thought back to how Deimos just let it rip with his gun. The coast seemed clear, but Sanford didn’t turn around when he sighed.

“You didn’t have to drop all that lead, y’know?” Sanford couldn’t be too mad, because he had spread the bullets out to save him the trouble of being tackled down, “I have no idea when we’ll be able to stock up again.”

“Hey, Sanford.” Deimos' voice was a bit out of breath, but not enough to be concerning; there was a small laugh in it. He tried for it to not sound too forced, because Sanford would notice immediately, so he kept thinking about that time Sanford blew himself up with a grenade. It had been really funny. No one had time for Deimos’ drama, and he knew that, but he wanted to peel his flesh off until that was the last resort. “Be quiet for a sec, ‘kay?”

Sanford knitted his brows. His sense of sight was more focused than his hearing, but he at least gathered a decent idea that his partner definitely needed a break. He couldn’t lie, he wouldn’t mind one himself, but he knew they didn’t have the time for his sore muscles. He didn’t like zeds. He really, really didn’t. It’s not like Deimos did either, he knew they both wanted to get the fuck out of here, but they can’t take a short rest while they’re in initiative. With his back turned, Sanford had no idea of the actual state his partner was in, but with the super funny joke he had made earlier that set off the alarms had him adverse to the idea of him taking him too seriously right now. It’s not like he was mad— no, the joke had been super funny and worth it— but again, they both wanted to get the fuck out of here.

“Deimos, this really isn’t the time to fuck around, we—”

“Sanford, seriously,” Deimos sounded annoyed, but that same rhythm was practiced in his voice, “Shut up for a second.”

Okay. Okay, that was a bit weird. Surely Deimos wasn’t doing the thing where he hides something tying him down under jokes— oh, Sanford felt like a fucking idiot for even considering the possibility that Deimos wasn’t covering something up. They still seemed safe for the time being, at least. He turned his head around to look at the other, confused and concerned.

Deimos was reaching his limit. Usually, when they found a spot they could sit, they had a quiet moment while Sanford jotted some things down and Deimos did fuckall (mostly sneaking in a cigarette) and took an actual second to themselves. This wasn’t one of those moments. His hands kept pressing and pressing and pressing his headphones closer to his head. He didn’t know if that was helping, or if it was making his circulation fucked up enough to cover up more sound. He didn’t want to be a dick, he really didn’t, but if Sanford didn’t give him a minute of silence Deimos would have to be getting his ears sewn back on when they got back. Or bash his head in with a nail bat until he could pick his own brain out; whichever would be faster, either were inevitable. Sanford was walking over to him. The only eye Deimos had opened twitched over to him for a moment, seeing only concern in his face. Despite trying to keep that feeling away from him, he found comfort in the care. He couldn’t comprehend that right now. His skin was buzzing with the reverb of every sound. Sanford’s shoes scraped against the ground in a sound that made his skin burn and sent bullets straight into his brain. His ears couldn’t stand it. The usual soothing gruff in his voice sounded like static squeaking. Deimos knew he was only trying to help. The part of his mind with sense had instantly regretted not asking for it in the first place, but Sanford didn’t shut up, let alone shut the fuck up, and the care didn’t make sense next to the rattles of metal, or the groans of rusted gates, or the sheet of crashes sewage water created. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? I have some—”

Deimos opted to push his headset against his head until the plastic was digging into him. One of his knees dug into his forehead as he killed his own ears himself. Once again, Deimos had to stumble into an alarm.

“Sanford I need you to shUT THE FUCK UP!”

Oh. Oh, shit, something was wrong. Sanford’s shoulders fell. He didn’t turn around fast enough.

The yell was loud enough for some attention to be drawn. Dammit, if Sanford had just noticed Deimos was struggling earlier he could’ve used that very convenient spot to actually help him. The gates behind him opened with moans of familiar fuckers, and another slab of guilt stacked onto Sanford’s shoulders when he realized he’d have to turn his back again. But he had to take care of this before he could do anything for Deimos, so he tugged the rope on his hook for the handle to be back in his hand. With Deimos’ hands still clutched to the side of his head, he still moved his elbow towards his gun before Sanford put out a hand. Unfortunately, he had to talk.

“Don’t— I got this, just stay here.”

He hopped out of their ratting spot and hooked the closest zed by the legs. He flung it against the wall, hopefully buying himself some time to spread the zeds farther away from Deimos. Being in the middle of it all would be a bit of a risky move alone, but he’d find a way to make it work. Deimos hadn’t looked injured (but, then again, goop thrown up on him from a sewer creature could probably cover up blood) but he looked in pain. Either way, something was wrong, and he hadn’t realized. Sanford was so good at noticing his hints, but Deimos was just as good at faking it.

A fist flew its way through a zed’s stomach, making it fall to the ground with a gross squelch, leaving Sanford nothing but a bloody fist. He lifted his boot to crush its head, his foot soon flushed to the ground as if he stepped on a rotten pumpkin. If pumpkins had a lot more blood, at least. His less bloodied arm swung his hook into the throat of another, throwing the freak into another zed to buy him time. With said time, he ended up getting punched in the face and grabbed by the arm. He fought them off with a decent amount of effort before he loosened the rope on his hook to return the punch he owed, and kicked the other zed in the chest to send it down. That same leg stayed up to kick against the standing zed’s shoulder to give him the leverage to grab the thing by the sides of the head and twist its head off. Its bones let out a crunching sigh of relief, as if they had been begging to be free of the rotting meat they were trapped in. It fell towards him, which he dodged right back to the two zeds that were standing once again as they were still held together like a fucked up shish kabob. Sanford pulled the rope tighter to his hand as he lunged himself forward and stomped on their chests. His arm ripped the blade forward, short enough for a flick of his wrist to hold the hilt in his hand. It slashed against the zed’s faces with a rough, wet tear. Good.

There was a tug at the back of Sanford’s leg that led to an instinctual kick. He spun around to see a zed with no legs reaching towards him, its spine poking out of its body. His free boot sent a quick kick up into its open mouth, easily knocking the top of its head off with a swift movement, leaving nothing but a forgotten bottom jaw. A few more surrounded him, green foam bubbling from its mouth. This wasn’t going to be easy with a single weapon. His eyes jotted down to the dead legless zed, the spine writhing out like a larva trying to escape. Sanford ripped it out of its body, feeling it creak and shatter under his hand like spikes of wood. He slammed it into the side of another zed’s head and pierced it through and through. The head stuck on the barbs of the spine kept the thick sludge of a head stuck to it as Sanford whipped around once again and scratched another zed’s face before shoving it down. He used the other, splintered end of the spine to stab another in the face, the movement causing the stuck zed head to drop to his fear and roll around the other corpses. 

It wasn’t long until most of the heads were bashed in, but there were always, always ones that still got back up. Sanford gripped his hook as he threw it forward, giving its rope some slack. He didn’t have time for this. Something was wrong with Deimos.

“Just stay the fuck down, you chu—”

With precision and instinct Sanford hopped to the right to avoid a litter of bullets heading straight towards a zed’s head. It went down immediately, and Sanford couldn’t help but turn his head. Deimos was laying on his side with a cheek pressed to the ground with his gun matching his line of sight. His cheeks felt wet, and he was really hoping it was just miscellaneous goop and not tears. In Deimos’ mind, firing a few shots was the least he could do. In Sanford’s, it instilled another set of determination. He was hurting, but still at his back to help him. Sanford gave him a stern look, but his smile was sweet; a very “this stupid, stupid man” smile.

Deimos could only fire so many bullets. Partially because it was making him go insane, and he wasted most of his ammunition in a fit of rage. Still, it sped up the process of taking the rest of them down, but even with the extra hand Sanford eventually gave him the signal to stop. Deimos didn’t know why, but he did, because his aim was getting worse with disorientation swarming his head. Sanford must’ve noticed that. Or maybe Deimos’ aim had been fucked up enough to graze his arm— he didn’t know, and as long as Sanford wasn’t screaming in pain, it didn’t seem like he had to care.

The scariest part was making sure Sanford could creep his way back into the pair’s hiding spot without attracting further attention. Deimos really couldn’t care much, as long as Sanford was okay. His feet kicked their way to the back of the wall and had his shoulders fight to climb its way up for him to (lopsidedly) sit up. With his back against the wall, he finally had his hands free to push the padding against his ears closer. The pressure on his head was uncomfortable, but so were the bullets pelting their way into his brain through sound. The protection of the headset began to press into his skin more this time, the pads flat against the sides of his head. He could feel the plastic sewing its way against his skin. Was this the last resort?

Sanford stepped back into the tiny ally while looking in each direction. 

“Safe,” He said, mostly to himself, and turned around to run to Deimos and ended up skidding on one knee to meet his level, “I’m here, I’m here, what’s up?”

An annoyed groan ripped its way through Deimos’ tired, overworked lungs. How is Sanford not getting it? With great dramatic effect with his elbows, he pressed the muffs closer and closer and harsher against his head. He could feel the plastic scrape against his skin.

That’s when it all clicked. Sanford felt as if he failed a test for not realizing it sooner.

It was pretty common for certain sounds to cause Deimos to say his ears were ringing, but they always seemed to pass. Or, at the very least, was bearable enough for him to seemingly ignore it, but this one had been constant. They had been careful, yes, but shit still happened, because they were Sanford and Deimos. When the first alarm was tripped, he thought the majority of Deimos’ aggravation at it was the surprise. But adding on the fact that a few more went off— Hell, Deimos was probably still hearing the first alarm screeching in his ears.

Sanford crouched down in front of Deimos. His face was twitching with discomfort, and his chest was rising in panic. Slow enough for Deimos to stop them, he moved to be next to him. His arms laid around his shoulders at the same speed. Deimos didn’t stop him, but he also didn’t loosen up on the force of his headphones. Sanford tried to lower his voice to a point where he could hardly hear it himself, but he didn’t know how loud that was going to be right next to Deimos.

“I’ll keep an eye out, just try to breathe.”

And then, finally, Sanford shutted the fuck up.

His hands gently laid around Deimos’. He wished he could stop shaking, but the weight of Sanford’s arm was enough to hold him a bit more in place. Sanford’s fingers laced with his and gently tugged them away from the casing of his headset. They gently lifted his hands up, only a little, so that the blood coming from the small cuts on his head would slow at some point. Sanford applied the pressure with his wrists, an amount that kept it from hurting him, by gently guiding his hands off carefully. Deimos let him. The pressure slowly released, and blood suddenly felt normal throughout his body. Sanford’s wrist still kept down the pressure while he let his hands be peeled back. Sanford was still keeping an eye out. He could breathe. Deimos’ hand relaxed against his palms. He finally untensed his own wrists, but the muffling of sound was still there with Sanford’s help. One of his arms was around his shoulders.

Deimos closed his eyes and leaned a bit more against Sanford’s arm. The light blanket of quiet that attempted to cover up the overwhelming noise of everything ever was now in his hands. The warmth, and sticky-icky shit from fighting off icky-sticky zeds, was something Deimos could focus on. Everything was still there, threatening to overwhelm him to the point of crushing his own skull with his headphones, but the small bit of reduction was now thanks to Sanford. Deimos lifted his fingers to lay over Sanford’s as much as he could. What was left of a comfortable volume was easier to focus on with the outside comfort. 

Thankfully, their hands only moved to adjust to the position of Deimos turning his head to look up at Sanford. It hurt his head and his throat when he cleared it, trying to find the right way to talk with the least discomfort while he still had time.

“Sorry,” He sheepishly said in his anxiety riddled smile, “I didn’t mean to, to uh, y’know, yell at you. Not really.” 

Sanford shook his head. He turned his body a bit more to face Deimos, his hands holding the mittens around his ears in a firm but not intense force, but his arms were relaxed.

“I know, I know— it probably hurt you a lot more than it hurt me. I get it now,” Sanford whisper-talked(?) in a way like he was trying to turn a dial on the radio, trying to find the sweet spot, “Don’t worry about it, okay? Is this helping?”

He gave Deimos more time to breathe. His hands shakily reached up and placed themselves on Sanford’s biceps, taking a deep breath in, and a long breath out. It still felt as though if the two of them lifted their hands his ears would start spewing blood, but it didn’t seem like either of them would be letting go anytime soon. Right now, Sanford’s hands were keeping that overwhelming static that threatened to incase his senses at an almost bearable bay. When he looked up, the worry and care in Sanford’s face made him glance away. That part of sense in his brain that wanted to reach out for his help before? Yeah, it's at the forefront of his brain now. And it made his chest warm, and his face hot, and a bit more guilty for accidentally yelling loud enough to make Sanford lose whatever recuperation time he had in this spot. More sensations for him to focus on.

“Yeah,” Deimos admitted when he looked back at Sanford with a hint of a smile, “A little.”

A little while ago, Deimos had been writhing in discomfort, when he could laugh with broken ribs. But the moment Sanford’s hands could take their place beneath his, Deimos was giving him an embarrassed smile. A dopey grew on his face. He pressed his forehead against his. He could hear Deimos’ smile in his laugh.

Sanford pulled back with a huff. Now he knew what the problem was and, luckily, found a temporary fix. “Okay, how’re we gonna keep this right until we can take a look at it and see what we can really do?”

Deimos grinned. “I don’t have a fucking clue.”

Sanford was already nodding before Deimos even answered, because he already knew he had no fucking clue. Not only because he just knew him, but he knew how Deimos also couldn’t think when everything sounded like pot pans being slammed together. He hummed in thought, before he sat up. Softly, he reversed his hands with Deimos’. He made sure Deimos’ palms weren't pressing down too hard once they were placed on the shells, before he (reluctantly) let go. He reached into one of his side pockets before motioning Deimos to put his head down. With a confused look, he did so.

He heard the sound of fabric against the shell of his headphones. The fabric pulled tighter, similar to the added weight Sanford had applied. He felt Sanford securing something on his forehead.

“Okay, let go, see how that feels.”

Slowly, with genuine fear, Deimos lifted his hands. He blinked. It wasn’t as filtering, but it was similar. It was bearable. He moved to touch his forehead, feeling a knot with little, messy bits of fabric sticking up. “What’d you do?”

“I ripped a bandana a few days ago and kept the scrap, just in case,” Sanford said as quiet as he had been, “It’s not enough to cover up much but, hey, looks like it came in handy. How is it?”

Deimos adjusted it. He moved the fabric to the middle of his muffs, tightening the knot a bit. The creaking of the metal wasn’t as taunting. The water sounded farther away. There was only one test That could really see if it’ll work at all.

“Uuuuuhhhh,” Deimos adjusted to the sound of his own voice before he looked up at Sanford, “Say something.”

Sanford smiled. His hands moved up to hold Deimos’ shoulders. “Hi, Deimos.”

The soothingness of Sanford’s voice was back. Everything else felt like needles trying to use him as a pincushion, but needles were better than bullets. In two little words, Deimos was melting with a silly smile, finally able to straighten his vision and being held by what he saw. “Hey, Sanford. You smell like shit.”

Sanford’s snort was a happy chime in the musky air. “Yeah, because you smell any better. Works?”

“Yep, I’m just a drama queen.”

Sanford huffed. He shook his head, his hands falling down Deimos’ arm to his hands as he started to stand up. His grip wasn’t tight enough to force Deimos to stand; it was his choice to make. He took it. They didn’t let go of each other���s hands. “You’re not a drama queen. Next time, just say something, okay? Yeah, we’re in a crunch here, but there’s time for you.”

Deimos bit the inside of his lip. If he hadn’t been crying earlier, he came pretty close to then and there. He gently shoved Sanford’s shoulder, but put a hand on his bicep to keep him from actually moving. “Dammit, dude, don’t get so sentimental.”

Sanford smiled. There was his stupid, stupid man. He couldn’t help but chuckle, which made Deimos snicker under his hand before he took a step back. Unfortunately, he did have to reload his gun, because they did have to move. Sanford still kept a watchful eye out. Once Deimos was standing at the ready, Sanford couldn’t help but smirk. He flicked one of the loose pieces from the knot around his forehead. 

“If you’re a drama queen, is this your crown?” Sanford teased.

With a flushed face he waved away Sanford’s hand, the two of them in hushed laughter. Deimos shook his head, and this time Sanford knew he was fine. The playfulness in his voice was real. “I’m mostly good now, but maybe you should still shut the fuck up.”

Sanford laughed as Deimos started to walk to the opening of their hide-y hole, quickly stepping to his side. “What? Should I carry you, too, your Highness?”

Deimos groaned into a flustered laugh as Sanford grinned, gently nudging his way in front of Deimos to guide him out in the best direction. His arm still brushed against Deimos’. 

He smiled up at his partner.

“C’mon, get a move on,” Deimos said, “I still wanna get out of this place alive."

[reikunrei]

okayyyy so i made a post abt this last night that was just a short ramble trying to piece my thoughts together but basically... i’m just really curious how will’s (possible) powers might manifest and what they might be, and i’m trying to like. reason out how i feel about them and what i personally think would be cool or fitting...

lots of people have talked about this before (like user pinkeoni has made some really good posts abt it, and i think heroesbyler has had good discussions abt it too) and what his powers might be, and a lot of them revolve around creation or light, both of which i’m very fond of

this isn't so much a theory or prediction as it is a "these are things i noticed and i think this would work well with the themes of the show" type of spiel. it ended up way longer than i wanted it to and goes off on multiple tangents because i can't stop myself, so i'm putting it under the cut lol

it's more just for me to try and articulate what i'm feeling about it, but if anyone actually reads this mess, you're more than welcome to share your thoughts :3

with the creation stuff, it automatically makes me think of the UD taking the shape of hawkins... because we know that henward grew to hate that town so why would vecna shape the UD to look like the place he hated? i suppose it could be bc he wanted to take revenge on the town, so why not daydream about it and destroy your scale model of it to get some catharsis, right? but... then it's frozen on the night will went missing? it’s possible that the UD could have simply taken the shape of hawkins when the s1 gate was opened and made the two worlds touch, thus making the UD a true "mirror" dimension of hawkins. but i also really like the idea of will getting sucked into the UD, panicking, wishing he had his hiding places to go to to escape from this monster chasing him, and poof! now he's in hawkins and all of his hiding places are there (he's good at hiding!) but it's still the "wrong" hawkins

but anyway, i want to move on to the "light" angle because there's so many things that i love about the possibility of will's powers taking the form of some kind of light to counteract the darkness created by vecna and the UD ("hide in the light" thank u max)

i especially think it would be cool for it to take the shape of some kind of fire or flame, even if the powers themselves don't behave like fire, like it's just a stylization choice to give some sort of visual that the characters and audience can see

i don't recall if there's any specific moment where any version of henward/vecna/001 or other characters talk about burning or fire as a form of destruction in a metaphorical/symbolic sense, but we see it enough of it literally throughout the show. fire is a means of causing pain, of killing, of destroying

season 1, nancy and jonathan think to burn the demogorgon to a crisp because, hey, that'd be a pretty effective way to kill something, right? so they carry that theory over into all the other seasons

season 2, we see hopper using his lighter to maneuver through the tunnels below hawkins, and the vines flinch away from the flame. we see owens and the lab using fire to cull the "weeds" still growing out of the gate. we see will react physically to the burning, feeling the pain through the link with the hivemind, and requiring it to be cold in order to not be in physical agony

season 3, uuuh i can't remember any direct usage of fire against the fleshflayer other than the fireworks, but that's more about the explosions than the flames imo lol. but we do get the sauna test (best s3 episode hands down mwah love it) and the aversion to heat that we see in billy and also in heather, though less prominently

season 4, we get murray's killer flamethrower scene and hopper using the flaming spear to keep the demogorgon at bay. our hawkins crew relies heavily on use of fire (flambé) in order to take out vecna's physical body

so there's just a lot of fire and fire as a means of destruction. but i can't help also thinking about how fire isn't purely a means of harm. fire keeps us warm, it brings us light in the darkness, it cooks our food and brings us health. the sun, a giant ball of fire, is essential for life to exist on earth. i especially keep thinking about how wildfires are a necessity to the planet, and in places like healthy grassland ecosystems, fires are crucial to burn out old growth to make way for new, fresh green, which the animals there then rely on. letting old growth continue to sit and dry out and die isn't good. it has to be removed completely so that new grass shoots can take over

(not to mention that allowing for controlled burns and letting wildfires run their course in a regular system ultimately allows for fewer, less destructive wildfires to happen. if there's no old, dry growth to burn, then there's less stuff to catch on fire)

how does this tie into the show, though?

to me, it makes me think of the concept of simply living with your trauma, not talking about it, and pretending everything is fine, when all that's doing is creating more kindling for a bigger, more destructive fire. it makes me think of season 2 and the conversation will has with jonathan about how everyone keeps treating him like he's gonna break, and the instructions joyce and hopper got from owens to just "treat him how you normally would." you can ignore trauma all you want and pretend everything is fine, but it's going to be more destructive in the long run. instead, letting him talk about it, listening, letting him burn things down a little bit, will be healthier because it'll clear out that old, dry grass clogging everything up and leave a clean patch of earth for him to build back up with new, healthier growth. you can take a weed wacker to it all you want, but those old roots are still there

not to mention the way they get rid of the mind flayer is to "burn it out of him." they literally let the "fire" run rampant, cranking up the heat to make his body inhabitable to the mind flayer, clearing out those nasty "weeds" so will can grow on his own (more or less) unimpeded

and then there's the s1 flashback scene between will and joyce where he's drawing will the wise shooting green fireballs. joyce asks, "why does he need fireballs if he's so wise? can't he just outsmart the bad guys?" but will explains that sometimes the bad guys are smart too, so he needs the fireballs

only here, they're green because he doesn't have a red crayon. this specific tidbit makes me think of how will's powers are currently repressed in some way. at that time, it was possibly because his powers "hadn't come in" yet, if we want to follow the idea that powers are a symbol for puberty or coming of age

he hasn't "found his flame" yet, so to speak (which is what got me thinking about all of this at all last night bc of the song 'find your flame' from the sonic frontiers ost the absolute slapper that it is) and at this point it's obvious that any awakening of his powers will happen in s5 when he's no longer being suppressed, much like how he currently has to suppress his true feelings, or how he's been unable to move on from what happened to him in s1 and 2

he has to use "fireballs" because sometimes the bad guy is smart. sometimes the bad guy has a trick up his sleeve (like *checks notes* literally not being able to die) and your original plan won't work. you can stock up on weapons, you can create as many sneaky ambushes as you want, you can solve all of the bad guy's riddles, but sometimes you need the fireballs

and, once again, we come back to how i feel like will's powers won't be literal fireballs, or something he physically wields. when it comes to el, henward, and kali, as well as the other powers that we see from other subjects, it's all something that they do. and here's where i start to struggle with how i want to articulate what i think about will's powers...

to me, will's possible powers aren't a weapon in the way that we've seen other powers used, or at least framed as, a weapon

like... i guess i do think that it's something that he can "do," but it's less "i'm going to move this thing with my mind" "i'm going to go into your head and walk through your memories" "i'm going to make you see something that isn't really there." like, he himself, his person, his mind, his essence, his intent, is the power. will byers is the light. why else constantly bask him in rays of sunshine, hm?? lol

again, i want to touch on the possibility of the UD hawkins manifesting simply because he wanted it to. he didn't think about it, he didn't deliberately go like "okay and now this house is here and this place is there" it simply... was. it just happened without much of his input other than a vague wish and panic

if we want to make it into something more deliberate, it makes me think of lio fotia in promare. the movie is basically about this group of people who suddenly developed "burnish" abilities, where they contain fire and have some sort of fire powers. they're persecuted by the rest of the planet, and are treated as terrorists and locked away in prisons and experimented upon. the fire, or "promare," inside of them is a double-edged sword, where they supposedly rejuvenate their bodies, but if they don't let it burn, it instead kills them and they turn to ash. spoilers i guess (you should definitely go watch this movie i highly recommend it), but near the end of the movie, lio is taken captive by the antagonist, kray foresight, and our other main chara galo thymos tries to save lio. kray lashes out using his burnish powers and tries to burn galo, but lio launches his own flames toward galo to protect him. when galo's firefighting team finds him, he's on fire, but he doesn't notice because the fire doesn't hurt him. it's a special kind of flame that doesn't burn! in the end, in order to save the world, they have to let it fully burn one last time, and galo and lio work together to wrap the entire earth in a massive wave of fire, and it's fire that takes the form of water. it engulfs everyone, but everyone realizes that it doesn't actually burn

i'm getting off topic but !! now we start getting less into "will has fire powers" and more "his powers are light and warmth" instead. like lio and galo's combined powers and intent (that's the other thing, that final big burn is different than the rest because of the intent behind it), it's not actually about the fire, it's about its purpose

he needs the fireballs to fight the bad guys, but in the case of our "bad guy," literal fireballs don't work. henward's past is a complicated one, and a lot of where he's been led was caused by his lack of a proper support system. he was villainized for being different. even when he was found by someone who "cared" for him, it was for that man's own personal gain, not because he actually cared about henward

henward was only ever burned and then left in the cold. nobody gave him a second chance like el, nobody listened to him like will. he was forced to fend for himself on his own in the darkness. he came to rely on the darkness. vecna literally focuses on the darkest thoughts of his victims in order to gain enough power to open gates. and sure, focusing on negative emotions gives all of our characters with powers some burst of strength

but then we're shown that love is what makes them even stronger. focusing on happy memories, memories of friends and loved ones, memories of the love itself, is what allows el to overpower 001 in the lab and to close the gate in s2 and to break billy out of his tether to the fleshflayer. and even in that final showdown in s3, she's not using her powers. she's burned out. in that moment, it's not the powers themselves that save them, it's the message behind it

will's whole character is about love and understanding. he puts himself last consistently, he puts the needs of others above himself, and he does not know how to be a little bit selfish when it comes to his feelings. he's sensitive, he's kind, he's artistic, he cries easy, he relies on his friends and family to feel safe and loved, and without them, he feels lost and hurt and alone. and there might be ups and downs, but he gets that love and support from them. they always have his back. he knows what it's like to feel pain and to suffer, but to have people who will stay by your side unconditionally through it all

and that's something he can offer to vecna and his alternate versions. he can offer that love, and that warmth, and that light in the darkness. and once again, i think it would be neat if it was less of a literal flame or source of light, and that it was will who is the source of light. like, he is the example for henward/vecna to see. he's the proof that despite all the bad shit there is in the world, there are people who will still love you anyway. there's people who will listen to you and care for you even if everyone else shuts you out

and even if it does take the form of something literal, of an actual flame or glowing ball of light or more of those glowy particles, it's not a weapon like the other powers we've seen

it's also about just shining a light on all the good stuff that's mixed in with the bad stuff. again, there is no black and white (thanks brenner, you fuck). henward was miserable in his life, he hated it and was frustrated that he felt trapped in a cage, and he only saw all the bad in the world. he couldn't see any of the good mixed in (ie. the possibility that he was friends with scott clarke as a kid, or even the fact that victor was really so caring and loved his son so much) because he just assumed it was all bad and he'd have to start from scratch to get any of the good he wanted

even focusing on the negative thoughts and feelings of his victims, vecna was able to be evaded by thinking of happy memories that took place at the same time as the bad ones. "hide in the light." again and again, we see max use memories, both past and present, to free herself from his clutches. good memories that still exist alongside the bad ones. and if vecna acknowledges that there's still good mixed in among the bad, his whole source of power, the foundation for his plan, completely crumbles

if will's power has to do with light, then he'll be the one to shine the light on all of the good memories that henward had mixed in among the bad. and this isn't to victim blame this 12 year old boy who was miserable and didn't know what else to do, but it's instead about his lack of support system, and how it's understandable to have grown so jaded, but that doesn't mean everything is bad, and there's still a chance for him to come back from it and change his way of thinking

henward was a wildfire waiting to happen, and rather than having someone to let him burn a little, to let out his anger and listen, he was trimmed back and suppressed. he had his old growth left there to dry out, which only added more kindling. he was never given the room to bring in new growth

and then to really tie in the use of fire to match the theme of "no black and white," i think about avatar the last airbender, and specifically the sun warrior temple that aang and zuko visit in the final book. in book 1 of atla, aang tries to learn firebending and jumps in too quickly, ends up burning katara's hands, and swears off ever learning firebending because he doesn't want to hurt anyone with it. in book 3, zuko offers to teach him, but aang is still very timid about it because of that incident in book 1. zuko also finds his firebending ability diminishing, and they surmise that it's because he no longer has this drive to find and capture the avatar. that was his source of power, his purpose, and now that it's no longer his purpose, he has to find the true way to master firebending. so, the two boys travel to the sun warrior temple to try to find answers. there, both zuko and aang admit that they really only see fire as something destructive, but the sun warriors remind them that fire is warmth and light and life. fire can be destructive, but it is not only destructive. it's something beautiful and necessary, you just have to respect it

feels pretty fitting for stranger things, yeah?

so, to wrap this all up before i go fucking crazy:

i personally think that will's powers will predominantly take the form of fire or light

i do also still adhere to some of the creation power theories, but it also wouldn't be crazy for him to have more than one power, right? after all, el can use telekinesis, track someone's physical location, and go into their minds. that's 3 pretty different things that she can do!

will is directly tied to the behavior of the lights in s1 and called back to in s4. throughout the show, and especially in s4, will is basked in sunshine on multiple occasions. sure, those instances are mostly about his bond to mike, and how mike sees him in this halo of light all the time...

but that still ties into the theme of love. those rays of light are about mike's love for will, and vice versa. but that kind of unconditional love and acceptance is something that will have to be extended to henward and vecna. therefore: light is the key

and again, it just feels very fitting to have the key be something like fire. something that's so often villainized and only seen as bad and destructive, when it truly is something that's misunderstood. unchecked, it can run rampant and cause pain and grief, but when respected, it can bring life and healing, for lack of a better word

so far, we've only seen fire used as a means of harm. it does keep our characters safe (ie. hopper's flaming spear, the flame thrower, the moltovs, etc.) but it is wielded as a weapon first, when it doesn't have to be

fire can cause pain, yes, but fire is also passion and love. light is something to be extended, to help people find their way out of the darkness, and i just think it would be really cool to see vecna, who's always shrouded in darkness, or henward who hid away in the dark attic surrounded by candles, to have a ray of warm sunshine like will byers hold out a hand to him and try to help

[strqyr]

Yknow sometimes I think about how Ozma was visibly horrified by the task Light gave him, so horrified he collapsed. The only reason he came back was for Salem and when they split he defaulted to the task, purely bc I think he felt like he had no other purpose. Granted he worked towards it when he was with her, but definitely more as a "Screw it, I'm here, may as well try" and he was questioning it.

Like. Oz has such a complicated relationship with the task. He's obviously given up on it, and likely hates it, but in the beginning I think he probably wanted to believe it Might be good. But then he gave up on it when he found out Salem can't he destroyed (which was likely a last resort option for him), and later came to the conclusion that the task doesn't matter at ALL. The Gods don't matter. Remnant doesn't need fixing because it was never broken, and to him, this is his freedom.

Honestly, I really wonder what Ozma was gonna say in response to "We could've had freedom." Was he gonna say "I thought we already were"? Or maybe a simpler "I'm sorry"? Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. Salem sees Remnant as it is as a cage with the gate closed. Ozpin sees that the gate is open. They have such opposing views on freedom,,

one of the very first things we learn about ozma is that he had been ready to give his life for justice countless times before he met salem, finding someone worth saving it for. like, he was a legendary warrior and he was alone, and for that reason i think his reincarnation is the key to his character, bc what if light had just made him immortal or anything like that that didn't ensure he was never alone? after the fight with salem, he would not have had any connection to the world—"that world just isn't as dear to me without her." is what he said when he first refused the task—so in his darkest moments, when he saw no point in any of it, i think the chances of ozma bringing the relics together just to end it would have been much, much higher than they ever were due to reincarnating, because then he wasn't alone, and each of his hosts had some kind of connection to remnant as it was.

there's also, like. yeah, he kinda worked towards the task with salem, but once salem went "let's kill the non-believers", it ended right there. that's not what the god of light asked of him; humanity was meant to live in harmony and set aside their differences, not fight amongst themselves. and while the general angle with the whole judgment deal is yikes, asking for peace isn't like. horrible thing to ask for lol of course ozma would be like "yeah, that sounds great!"—it's the "...or everyone dies" that's the problem; there's no second chances, he has to get it right the first time, and that's terrifying.

what that also meant for ozma is that once the split happened, him and salem were opposite forces; she wouldn't accept the gods return and thus would work to prevent it from happening, so in ozma's mind he needs to destroy salem to have any chance in favorable outcome. . . and then jinn tells him "lol nope" and that's that.

what else can he do? he's gone through two attempts at his task and both ended poorly; one went into a direction he wasn't comfortable with—he was a legendary hero who fought only for righteousness, this was never going to go well with him—and with the other he didn't even get properly started before it ended.

he found himself in a dead end, but over the years he's found peace in other things; the world is fine as it is. humanity does not need to be made whole again. ozpin made a collection of fairy tales that included stories like a man getting into a staring contest with the sun (and wins, but at the cost of becoming blind) and one of humans breaking the sun with their demands only to make a new sun, the old one becoming the moon, even going as far in his notes as to make it evidently clear the sun is a celestial gift from the god of light.

like. there isn't even need to read between the lines, oz has made it abundantly clear that he believes in this world's and it's peoples' right to exist as they are.

as for what he was going to say, i'm definitely leaning towards "i'm sorry" simply bc i like the idea that in that moment, ozma. . . he had been warned by light that he would not find comfort but only pain, but he didn't let that stop him. he still went to salem, but that's what's on his mind, and he's sorry, because it didn't have to end this way.

[collarbjt]

Jared acted ‘Dean forester’ in Gilmore girls,

So I’m wondering if he’s being in Supernatural universe.(maybe it’s an old, iterative question but I’m curious now)

If Dean Forester And Dean Winchester met, could they be friends?

In my thought, Sam and Dean Forester can be friends(they are also doppelgänger lol) but with Dean?? Nahh….

Maybe the only plot that make sense is :

Dean forester enjoyed his applepie life in university with his lovely girlfriend, but one day, a case caused by the Things occurred so Sam and Dean Winchesters showed up to solve the case. The Things, I prefer to vampire for this case ☺️.

Because the victim who affected by vamp is one of his friend group’s member(I really wanna keep Dean Forester’s girlfriend be safe, unlike our Sammy’s girlfriends…), Sam and Dean will investigate the whole group members and talk to Dean Forester too.

After they saw him, they will be surprised and suspicious about him because he’s just looks like Sam so much-ofc they are both Jared lol-but after splash the holy water into his face, silver knife burning test, and some other processes to check he’s not a shapeshifter or doppelgänger, they will release him.

Maybe Dean might feel nostalgic about his little bro’s youth and university life, while Sam remains somewhat suspicious, but there’s no evidence so they’ll focus on the current vamp case.

But what-if)

Dean Forester is a demon that can crossed the universes to parasitize as a character in particular universe, and he is confused btw two hollywood tv shows’ universes-Gilmore and SPN, bc the male main characters have same first name-Dean.

So at first, he planned to settle down in Gilmore universe and pretend to be Dean Forester after kill him. But bc of confusion, he settled to the wrong place-SPN world and used ‘Dean Forester’s name in the wrong world.

Therefore he twist the SPN world’s rules and a lot of Things are generated by his existence, and Winchesters know why the Things population is exponentially growth, and they’ll find the main problem is the demon parasitizing on universe.

After some stories, they will kill the demon but it’s a type of laplace’s demon, which can be killed or died, so they asked Cas or Crowley to open the gate to the other universe, and…ofc in SPN world, Winchester bros will successfully done their work always, and perhaps the demon itself wants to go to the right place so it will be gone and then case solved.

After that, well, they’ll drink some beer together and do another job. Heaven and hell are returned into the normal, included the human world.

I’m just starting what-if Dean and Dean met but at the end, the story expands to the multiverse lol😅

[simping-invader]

FANFIC PART 2 :3

Ok ok so before we jump in a few things bc.. I forgot about them dhdhdhdh

• so I did completely forget about zims disguise and I tried to kind of shoehorn it in so just go along with it 💀

● it makes my life easier if the pac can be removed for however long they want so that can happen

● I am making up organ names as I go..go with it dhdhdhdhh

Ok onto the pt2!

Too hot (pt..2)

Dibs pov:

I held the gate to the pool open for zim, smiling at him, even though all i got back is a sneer as he walked inside, I had a pretty good feeling he was happy to be here in some way. His antennae gave that away. I can't tell the exact emotion, but I know that when they're down like that and curled at the end, it's something good. If he was truly upset, they would be either straight down or pointing up and bending at a pretty sharp angle. Why does he continue to pretend like he hates me, I don't know.

"Is this 'pool' always so..full?" zim complains as I close the gate behind us "on hot days like this, yeah. It might be hard to find some chairs, so keep an eye out for any zim scoffs at me in return."I have yet to see the 'fun.' " I roll my eye at him, noticing 2 empty chairs." Ah! Come one before they get stolen. " i grab his 3 fingered hand, dragging him twords the chairs and ignoring his initial protests. When we reach the chairs, i put the towels down on them, effectively marking them as ours "God I can't wait to get out of this heat." I smile, reaching for the bottom of my shirt and taking it off, folding it up neatly before grabbing my sunblock.

Zims pov:

I find myself staring when Dib removes his shirt, slathering himself with that white cream, which looks similar to the goop he gave me..was I supposed to bring that?.. I can't really care right now, unable to pull my attention away from the human. I probably look like a fool...all because of this damn! Dib-stink!.

"You gonna take off your shirt and boots? Or do you like melting in the sun? " Dibs voice snaps me out of my trance, and I can feel my face heat up from being caught watching him."tch! The great zim doesn't want to expose himself to your inferior eyes. " I spit, my gaze darting away from him. "Zim, don't be weird. It's too hot for your stubborn antics," dib sighs.

I scoff again, hesitantly reaching for the end of my invader shirt and pulling it off, taking great care to fold it up so the logo is clear and proud on the front. Next, i slip off my boots. Luckily, most of the human worm things are too stupid to notice I am missing like two extra digits on both my hands and feet. Nor do they notice I forgot my wig. These weird worms probably believe my antennae are two weird strands if hair. "So what we just..stand in the water?? Doesn't sound very fun to me. " I cross my arms, glaring at Dib, who soon has an odd grin on his face."No, we do things like this!" Before I could even question him, I feel myself being lifted from the ground, and my pac suddenly disconnected. I open my mouth to yell at him, but before I can even try and squirm to get myself down, I'm suddenly hurling into the air, quickly falling down into the water.

Panic fills my mind as I realize I can't figure out how to get back to the surface, nor can I breathe in earth's 'water'. Suddenly, bubbles swish down all around me, and a hand grabs onto me, pulling me back up before my 'lungs' could give out. When my head finally breaches the surface, I gasp out, grasping onto whoever saved me. I'm met with laughter, from whom I realized to be Dib, who was supporting me. How the humans can stay above the surface I don't know. "How dare you laugh at zim!!" I yell, only getting more laughing in response

"I guess I should have made sure you know how to swim before throwing you in." I glare at him. If it wasn't for the fact he was the only thing keeping me above the water's surface, I would kill him . "Let's get you to where you can touch." Before I can question what he means by that, we are moving to the other side of the 'pool', having to dodge other Stinky! Humans and their worm babies. Eventually, I felt the floor against my feet, and when I was able to fully stand, I pushed Dib off of me.

I must admit..the pool is much cooler in the water. "You're lucky I don't harvest your organs for that, Dib stink," I huff, having to stop myself from staring...again. somehow, he looked even better wet. His stupid hair slicked back. The stupid sun reflecting off the stupid water on his stupid skin.. Everything about him just makes me feel all... mixed up and warm.. too warm.

"You're lucky I don't turn you in at the science museum, space boy." Dib says in that teasing tone that makes my squelch throb. "I still don't see how this is fun." I huff lowly "well..you kinda need to know how to swim, I guess." Dib laughs a bit."I didn't think about that part." I start to head tword the ladder, done with this 'pool'. I mainly just want to get away from Dib before I expose myself.. annoyingly, he follows me. "Hey zim, where are you going?" I huff at him."I'm done with your 'pool'. This isn't 'fun'" I reach for the ladder, but dib suddenly grabs my wrist "oh come on! It hasn't even been 2 minutes!" He suddenly pulls me away from the ladder and closer to him. I can feel my face heat up from that, my antennae flat against his chest. "I don't care! I want to leave. " I spit out quick, jerking myself away from him. Dib sighs and once again follows me to the ladder, this time allowing me to climb out, but for some reason, coming with me. "Fine, we can leave." I stop, "we?"

This is bad. I can't get away from him if he won't let me! "Yes we, the pool isn't as fun if it's just me. " he heads over to our chairs ,beginning to dry himself off and once again, making it impossible to be near him with almost drooling."Well..can't you just go home! Leave zim alone. " I snach my towel off the chair, drying myself off as well "because I'm bored. And you can't pretend you hate me, you're antennae are a dead giveaway." I freeze. What does he mean by that.. how does he know!? Does he know?! Did gir tell him! Oh, this was not good. Maybe I can play it off. "Tch, what to you know, you're just a stupid human!"

"Well.." Dib starts, walking closer to Me for some reason. Instead of backing away, I stay frozen. My eyes widen as he suddenly grabs one of my antennae. "Well, when you're actually annoyed, they stick up, and then they bend at almost a 90° angle. If you're sad I've noticed they're more droopy, but right now they're more..curved downwards. And I've noticed that's always a positive emotion..don't know the exact emotion, but I know you're not hating this as much as you claim." He give me that damn smile, and suddenly the sun isn't the only thing melting me. "You- you know nothing! You lie!" I yell. "Whatever you say zim... Anyway if you wanna leave here, then we're going to vibe at your place" he collects our things and begins to walk towards the gate without putting his shirt on.

I have to scramble to put on my boots, following behind him. "w- you're not going to put your shirt on???" Dib shrugs, walking out of the gate."Nah. It's too hot. " it's almost like he knows what he's doing to me. "Well- can I have mine??" Dib stops, looking at me with a smirk?? "Nah, it's fine, space boy. If people aren't looking at you for being green and clearly having antenna, I don't think they'll bat an eye to you being shirtless." What was that look for! Does he know?? All I can do is follow him back to my base and hope he's just...getting lucky.

-end of part 2 <3-

If anyone's wondering I end these when I get close to 1,500 words that's that's my sign to move on to the next part

Part 1 👇

[humanoidtyphoons]

tristamp ep 3

-you are knives. you have finally found your little brother. you can choose to go straight to your brother or you can find a piano. you find a piano and play.

-honestly so much knives in episode 3??? god, it’s fab!!! what a lil terror he is, slicing arms off and killing everyone vash cares about. so pretty he’ll cut you.

-it’s such incredible animation. i really am in awe with how incredible it looked. all the knives!!!

-lmaoooo at knives going “you’re going to shoot me? really?” i’m sorry knives, the line is more iconic in 98, but i adore the inclusion here nonetheless! (ofc vash will try!!! ofc vash will call him nai still…)

-knives being able to open vash’s gate, taunting vash that he can’t open it himself. and Vash is frozen and stuck in a glimpse of the past, while vines grow out of his gun.

-oh wow! no wonder i didn’t recognise elendira and conrad the first time around! (leonoff was there too i think.) i… do want to put final thoughts on elendira on hold tbh just because i want tristar to have plans for her, and. idk. it’s only half the story.

-roberto having heard of eg mine and snarking about him was great tho

-ngl i love eg mine. he does very little but vash defeats him and knives kills him but still. he’s fun!

-ugh it is so sad that ultimately rosa exiles vash and calls him the humanoid typhoon. he’s no longer welcome here, the damage done here by his twin is too great, if only vash wasn’t here, this wouldn’t have happened…

-vash smiling bc he doesn’t deserve to cry… sweetheart…

-don’t have much to say about meryl but. hm. i like that she tries? doesn’t quite know what to do, and the events of this episode haunt her for later. but she wants to help, even if it isn’t really enough in ep 3.

-vash has always known about julai, hm? where he’s supposed to go, how he runs from that…

[zinniax]

I reread all the courts books and came to understand it better/ notice a few things(beware this may be long)

Starting off with Tamlin- he’s just a character that needs therapy. First he has to deal with one of his best friends dying, then comes along this mortal girl who he knows is the key to undoing the curse but doesn’t want it to hurt her, then they end up falling in love something he hasn’t had in years and is still afraid knowing the fate she must face. He was willing to go along with that but quickly realized that he loved her to much for that and sent her away. The best thing he could’ve done for her in that moment. Then of course she saves the day/ dies/ reborn anew. But what guilt must’ve ate at him knowing he sent her to her death and then when she woke up he protected her like she needed to be kept behind glass. Which isn’t the best and comes off controlling and manipulative but knowing the whole story I can see why he doesn’t wanna lose her. Then we have the infamous meeting. He’s been depressed, losing Feyre to his sworn enemy that shit must fuck with your head just like it fucked with rhys. Honestly I think it was good he snapped back bc no one else dared to comment on how shitty it was tbh bc they are afraid of rhys but he isn’t. So I thought what he said needed to be said yes it didn’t come off the best way but that’s bc his feelings we’re involved. King of Hybern- we know the king likes a show, so I’m sure he upped Feyre leaving him to get tamlin to open his gates, emotional manipulation, Tamlin was manipulated you can’t change my mind.. then he thinks he’s getting her back, his Feyre back, then she distroys the last bit of himself. His best friend, his soilders, like I think she got back at him with rhys, this was petty child’s play that ended up biting her in her ass later on.. basically he’s still a good guy at heart, he just had a rough time, and has a grey side( all these characters do) and btw I’m not gonna even mention the whole Tamlin/Rhys family murder bc they both are at fault, they might’ve not done the actual killing and they both couldn’t stop it, and they both hurt eachother in the end, if anyone is to blame their fathers are, they couldn’t get past whatever petty, small minded shit they used to rule- it seemed to be a personal vendetta, one that the sons had no choice but to take over, they were once friends and their fathers took that from them and made them enemies.

There’s to many books regarding him so I can’t get through everything, but these are just my major points..

Rhys, I loved him I thought this is the fictional man imma marry but rereading that isn’t the case. Yes he has some good parts to him and he’s a family man above all but he very manipulative and egotistical. When we first meet him, he’s saved Feyre yes we love that but then he goes right back like go home it’s not safe, but this is his first time meeting him we don’t know his story. Then second meeting he tells lucien he’s been in war before lucien was even born, aka his ego then he went into Feyre mind and told her deep dark fantasy’s ( and it isn’t the first times he’s done something shitty to her ) yes we get his side to it that he really didn’t know who she was but had an inkling later of what just happened but just no. Then the whole Feyre under the mountain like who tf fuck thinks that was ok all for again getting back at Tamlin (his ego) making her drink fuck me up forget everything juice, covered in his branding, basically having her dry hump him, and embarrassed her in front of basically almost every court like wtff. Then ferye constantly says how he gives her a choice but it’s another manipulation “you don’t have todo this but it would save a lot of people if you did, oh you don’t have todo this but imma have to do other nastier means to get the same result” oh isn’t that manipulation and he did it with Nesta he gave her a “choice” yes but the choice was “if you don’t do this then I’ll get your sister who you sworn to protect todo it if you don’t, your choice” not much of a choice if it feels like the only thing you can do to protect your sisters. He treats az and cassian like shit imma just say it, maybe that’s how you know their brothers but he doesn’t give them the same respect he does amern or mor. And the whole 2nd, 3rd is bullshit. And I hate how he’s saying “what amern said goes, what Feyre said goes” like ?! So no one can question him, the people he put in charge of his army, his spy can’t ever have a different opinion ever how is that the fair and just ruler everyone says he is? And feysand I like them when they are alone, but it’s just when they interact with other characters and you get to see how they really are it’s just nope they are shitty to their family, and really on a weird power couple trip.

Nesta. This girl has been through so much manipulation, abused, emotional warfare and everyone’s like she a a bitch but az,cas, rhys goes through the same shit it’s awww our little bat boys and tamlin goes through it he’s the devil like wtfff Feyre does it and it’s she’s so strong she kept her family alive and if nesta does it oh she’s selfish, doesn’t deserve to live or have a mate, yah this bullshit. Her being the oldest doesn’t mean shit tbh she was abused by her grandma, perfected to be this perfect housewife, emotionally abused and probably physically and wonder why she didn’t pick up a bow and arrow to save her family like idk maybe the girl just wanted a  parental figure to step up and save them. She didn’t get it as a little girl she probably thought “hey this is the time right he’s gonna step up and be a parent?” Nope and like I said before she was raised to be a wife of someone rich not be out in the wild. And no one gives elain shit when all she did was NOTHING. Didn’t stop any fights between her sisters, didn’t hunt either. And before anyone says “NeStA iS a BiTcH” ummm mother dead, dad useless, grandma who beat you, sister who is oblivious to anything other then herself, other sister who has a bf, hunts, has a whole other life. Yeah I would be bitter too cuz I wouldn’t know what my place or purpose is. That’s the ptsd and depression she already had BEFORE coming into this “so called wealth” your sister not here and you haven’t heard from her, being taken out of your home into a whole different land, involved and physically changed to a whole other species, caught in a war you don’t belong in and now have to fight plus given this power you don’t understand, now your immortal, your dad is dead, don’t even get me started on all the emotions she’s having. Yeah so she’s a bitch oh well I would be too. And it’s funny to think about nesta spending all of rhys money like as she should but people seriously have an issue and hardcore take it to heart like first off he’s had so much money since the beginning of time he anit gonna run out, second he buys Amren expensive ass jewelry all the time, like yeah she had no one to talk to bc everyone would yell at her so what is there to do beside get drunk and spend money and it wasn’t like she was living some lavish life on his dime, she had a crappy apartment, dirty clothes, and read old books and went to a bar like yeah she’s sure racking up so much money rhys is gonna be in debt and besides if he really wanted to he could pull rank and not pay for ANYTHING in that town and extend it to his people including sister in laws but he didn’t so really is it that bad? Obviously before her little rehab and hike she didn’t deal with her depression in the best way and depression makes you feel secluded and people instead of trying to understand her they just judged her and already thought bad about her which furthermore put her into more depression and why not prove everyone right?? and then she went into a bloodrite (again being taken from her home or in this case a friends house) thrown into basically another war, to top it off she “won” and got the news 2 minutes later not only is her sister dying but her nephew and brother in law?? and saved their life but yeah nesta still is a bitch yeah ok

[metallica-jk]

I AM SO SO SO PROUD OF THISSS

I decided to do the door scene from TIG where Avery needed to figure out which key was the right one out of like hundreds of keys BUT from Jamesons perspective and in my opinion it turned out SO GOOOD!!! so imma js post it and see what everyone thinks <3

(I had to fix it bc it didnt match the actual story so...)

She has the keys. Hundreds of them actually, and only one opens the lock on the massive brown door in front of us. 

“You’ll figure it out” I say and only Lee Lee (Alisa) recognizes my voice. I thought i had talked enough to the girl for her to memorize my name. There is 5 of us. The girls sister- Libby or Elizabeth- nice Goth girl around the age of Nash, heard she was in an abusive relationship before she got here and the crazy guy appeared at the gates with reporters. Then there’s Alisa- Lawyer and happens to be Nash’s Ex- Hates Hawthorne blood, I’m pretty sure she would kill all of us and take the money for herself if she could. Oren, her old as the Titanic bodyguard who (im almost sure) survived the first world war. Theres also the girl, who i like to call “Mystery Girl” because she appeared out of nowhere and is just living life as normal in a massive house. And me. A charming guy with lots of mysteries and puzzles who hides behind a smirk. 

 She looks at the bundle, confused, which forces a smirk out of me. She plays with her long, hazel colored hair, as she goes through every detail in every key. Everyone keeps talking though. I want to tell them to shut up but ill stay quiet for now. I could almost say she looks like me when thinking. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes concentrated, and a common thing I DON’T do is she is chewing her bottom lip. This will take a while, so I lean against the door frame. Even though its freezing because its winter, It is sunny today for once, yet I will not tan. Stupid Hawthorne genes. They keep me down on the rank of the “second hottest Hawthorne brother." People would call me crazy for not wearing any kind of jacket, but honestly, im warm. The grass has been freshly cut, so the smell of grass is noticeably stronger than usual. She’s wearing casual flannel and a black top with jeans paired with some black worn-out Doc Martens . Probably something she brought from home. Even though she is going to inherit 46.2 billion dollars, she still decides to dress as a working-class teenager. I wish I could dress like that. But being rich has me stuck rock climbing in a suit shirt and trousers. 

I remember when I had to figure out which key fit the lock into this hell I have to call home. It took me an hour. The old man, (that's what me and my brothers call our grandfather) had told me that I could only get ice cream if I figured out the right key. I nearly gave up after 15 minutes and I kicked the door. Gray told me he sat in front of the door, staring at it until he realized that the right key was indeed the golden one with a maze pattern matching the door decoration. I remember the old man calling me “Ordinary.” That was the hardest time to try and hide how I really felt; hurt. I went out of my way to impress him, and all I got was “ordinary.” My hands turn into fists at that memory, so I take them out of my suit pockets (which I hate), and I flex my fingers. I left nail marks on my palm. Great. I hear the girl mumble something and the jingle of keys. I check my watch; it’s only been 5 minutes. This is going to take ages. She licks her lips and continues looking through all the different keys. It's actually kind of windy out today. Perfect weather for tanning. I’ll tell Nash. He sure would be happy. It's just the afternoon and I already need a bourbon.  

The look in her eye changes, and I have to force myself to look away. It reminds me of someone. Crap. I gulp and close my eyes as I suddenly am aware of the scar that crosses my chest. The reason I got the mark. The cliff, he saw the cut, the look she gave me before she became just a body, Grays eyes that were filled with hurt and anger. It all rushes back to me. But I force myself once again to forget about it. The familiar click of the lock helps me with snapping back to reality  

Wait 

The girl opened the door.  

I check my watch once again. 10 minutes. The girl who looked like Emily managed to figure out the key 6 times faster than I did. She smiles at me. God, that makes her look even more like her. But I still can't look away. I hide my shock once I realize that I've been showing it for too long. And I replace it with a smirk.  

Her sister asks her something about how she knew which key to use, but she doesnt answer. So instead, i say: 

“sometimes, things that appear very different on the surface are actually exactly the same at their core. Avery Kylie Grambs, we have a new record.” 

All 17 years of my life I've lived in this mansion. I've explored it all. Every tunnel, every room, it took me ever since I could walk to memorize the full layout of the Hawthorne house. I use the passageways daily and do riddles all the time. But whenever I had to do this puzzle, I took so long that I thought that the old man would just give up on me all together. He would have liked Avery. Even Xander took longer than Avery and you’d expect him to be way better. I guess he just got into fiddling with the technology of this old place. The doors are Victorian, corridors have the traditional paintings on walls with red carpets. A lot of the paintings were chosen by my mum or aunt. My mum isn't really involved in my life but does take advantage of the fact she lives in this big place even though she could have left and lived somewhere on her own by now. It was always my grandfather who took care of me and my brothers. He raised me. Even though I kind of hated him. Gray was supposed to be the heir of the money. I should've expected that he would leave one last riddle for me and the boys. Maybe Avery will join us on this journey too.  

I kinda made Jameson a gossiper so don't mind that and I decided to make Jameson focus on Avery instead of listing everything everyone did and said bc that would take up many pages

[nathanbatemanfucker]

summary: a little time jump in this series— javier does blue the favor of taking her to the record store.

pairing: f!reader (blue) x javier peña

warnings: 18+/nsfw/MINORS DNI (this fic is 18+ only though this blurb is sfw)

word count: 1524

an: it’s the 10th (acts of service) aka BLUE SCOOPS DAY. no chapter this month bc of @doctorsteths-fluffyfeb but i decided to give y’all this. this takes place about 3 months after Blue’s arrival in Laredo and a month or so after she and Javi finally meet (soon i promise). thanks for reading my friends!

fluffy february masterlist | misc. masterlist

Your stomach has been in knots since the moment you woke up and you feel stupid. You’ve been alone with Javier before and here you are having a panic attack over him driving you to the record store. Granted, you were nervous that day he’d picked you up to go to the funeral home, but never like this. This feels different, like…more. You readjust your top and hair more times than you can count in the mirror and that’s exactly what you’re doing when he knocks at your door.

When you open the door Javier can’t help but think about how beautiful you look. It’s almost all he thinks about when he’s with you— that and this is all he will have. Longing looks, favors, and dinner’s with you and his father. This is all it’ll ever be because he won’t do this to you.

“Javier? You ready?” You say a little breathlessly, his intense gaze warming your cheeks.

He clears his throat, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah, you?”

“Mhmm. Coffee,” You press the warm to-go cup into his hand similarly to the last time he picked you up.

And just like last time, when he takes a sip it’s made perfectly.

The drive to the record store is 20 minutes, it sits on the other edge of town and the ride starts out awkward as he fiddles with the radio dial, trying to find something to fill the silence. He quickly learns that even with a melody in the background that his heart is beating so loudly he’s afraid you can hear it.

God he hates this.

Not being in control, confidence so low it's scraping the gates of hell— neither are something he’s not used to. In Colombia he had to be born of those things to get shit done, to simply stay alive. But his usual smoke and mirrors of a badge and sex appeal don’t work here with you. He doesn’t know how to keep you at bay, and he’s sure as hell doesn’t want to. But he will. He will do this right even if it kills him.

“So why Blue?” He asks suddenly, the burn to fill the silence becoming too much. He feels your eyes on him immediately, and tries to picture what expression’s on your face. Probably surprised, with your eyebrows arched and eyes wide, your plush mouth hanging open.

He tacks on quickly, “I know that you’re always wearing something blue. A shirt, a dress, a bandana. But why the nickname?

You continue to gape at him for a moment, a little in shock. He noticed that? He’s been…looking at you? The thought makes that familiar ache at the apex of your thighs blossom, the heat he always brings to your skin rises a few degrees.

“Oh,” You say finally, clearing your throat as you look down and run your hands over the blue blouse that you’re wearing today. “It’s my favorite color…it was my grandfather’s too.”

His face falls, and he can't help but look over at you, “I shouldn’t have asked, I didn't mean to bring that up for you.”

When did this become so hard for him? He’s always cared for the women he interacted with, no matter their status or occupation, a soft spot created by his mother and the way she raised him. But this? He’s drowning in you, struggling to stay afloat in a simple conversation. Stumbling every time he tries a gesture he thinks will pan out as caring or charming.

“It’s fine,” You reassure him, and you have the urge to reach out to touch him— instead, you grip your coffee cup tighter.

“I’m sorry.”

“It's alright, Javier, really.”

More silence. This was not going well, and you can’t help but be disappointed. The back and forth between you and Javier makes no sense to you. He takes a leap and then several steps back, leaving you to chase after him. Doesn’t he know that you’ll take him as he is? You guess not, you haven’t said it in so many words but he has to feel doesn’t he?

“Thank you for bringing me here. It means a lot,” You murmur as he parks the car outside the store.

It’s simple and small, a hand painted sign that reads ‘Frankie’s’ hung up above the floor to ceiling windows. Even from the car you can see rows upon rows of records.

“Don’t mention it. Good to go?”

“Sure.”

The way you light up when you see the jazz section in Frankie’s is better than all the wonders in the world to Javier. You let out a little squeal, looking up at him with such a genuine excitement that he can’t help but grin back at you. It's even better to hear you ramble, plying him with information about artists and yourself without him having to say it word. This feels the most you, like you've finally forgotten about whatever makes you nervous around him and let go.

“My grandfather got me into records, you know. It was his thing, he hated tapes. He was a good cook, a terrible baker which is where I come in, but he's taught me everything I know about proper cooking. And every time he would cook for us, which was every night, he’d have a record going. We’d dance in the kitchen sometimes together. It felt like he had hundreds of them, he had at least one for every week of the year. But it was incredible, he was incredible.”

“He sounds like he was a lot of fun. I’m sure you miss him very much.”

You're thumbing through a section, pulling out a record that has Chet Baker sprawled across it in white letters, “He taught me to live, regardless of the circumstances. We were dealt a pretty shitty hand with my grandmother but all things considered, he found happiness.”

“You had a lot to do with that happiness I bet.”

You glance up at him, breath catching at his proximity. When had he gotten so close?

“You think so?” You ask softly, your gaze distracted when his tongue sweeps over his bottom lip.

He nudges your elbow with his and quirks his eyebrows at you, “I know so.”

The way he's looking at you almost makes your knees weak. Eyes glittering, his mouth slack, his staring into your eyes with an intensity that steals the rest of your breath. Your brain is panicking at you, pleading with you to tell him how you feel.

“Javier, I-”

You're interrupted by a saleswoman with big hair and red lips, “You two need any help? Oh, Chet Baker. Perfect for you lovebirds.”

“We’re not lovebirds. She just, uh, works for my dad. I’m doing her a favor-” Javier tries to explain, much to your disappointment, but the woman interrupts him too.

He’s right, you aren’t lovebirds but there’s something inside you that hurts at his denial. You’re grateful this woman stepped in before you’d made a fool of yourself.

“Javier Peña as I live and breathe,” The woman claps her hand over her chest dramatically.

“Hola, Elena,” He sighs, obviously exasperated but it goes right over her head.

He wants to know what you were going to say. It looked important— intimate even.

You squeeze his arm with an apologetic smile before leaving the two of them to catch up. You need to look at the models of record players they have anyway, it's what you came for. Javier doesn’t find you until you’re checking out, whistling at the pretty penny you’re spending.

“It’s worth it,” You grin up at him, eyes bright and it takes all his willpower not to take you in his arms and kiss you.

The ride back is more silent than the ride going, the two of you unknowingly thinking about the same thing.

What were you going to say to him? And what even is it? It’s always easy to feel what you do for Javier, he taps into the rawest part of you desire, the softest part of your heart. But putting it into words? It seems an impossible task.

By the time he drives you home you still aren’t sure about what you want to say. As always, he walks you to the door, insisting on carrying your bags up to the door.

When you get the door unlocked you turn towards him, hands reaching for the bags, “You can ask me about him. It doesn’t…it’s alright if you’re curious about him, about me.”

His eyes drop to the ground before he focuses them on you again, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Well, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow, Blue,” He murmurs as the bags slip from his hands unto yours.

You can't help but smile at him. Javier doesn't know if you smiled this much since he met you, and his returning smile spans his entire face at the thought of being the reason for that.

“See ya, Javi.”

Back in his truck, he lights a cigarette immediately. He's a goner for you. Hook, line and sinker.

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