#bc he's Deeply Annoying and you all still love him anyway

[walkingstackofbooks]

I love socialising so much, I love my friends, I love talking to people, and while I'm out I have so much fun even when I'm Very Aware I'm just saying something no-one cares about or being annoying and I'm just like ignoring the anxiety

And then I leave and get home and it just Hits and I'm replaying everything I said and it Was All Awful and Omg How Have I Not Driven Everyone Away By Now and maaaaan

Just want to be able to either a) turn down the me-ness of everything I say when I'm out or b) not be trapped in a cycle of rumination when I get back over it. Like either of these would be fine on their own but together it's just, like, Brain. Why?!

[cheriedivine]

Deeply still in love

♡‧₊˚₊✧ pairing: Ellie Williams x Fem reader (No use of y/n)

♡‧₊˚₊✧ summary: Ellie Williams doesn’t do feelings. She buries them under alcohol, weed and strangers lips, but the moment she hears your voice again, everything she’s shoved down, claws its way back up.

♡‧₊˚₊✧ CW: References to substance abuse (weed, alcohol), Mild suggestive themes, Unrequited love, Swearing, emotional themes. (Lmk if i missed anything!)

♡‧₊˚₊✧ Tags: Angst/heartbreak, Ellies is a fuck boy, just pain tbh

♡‧₊˚₊✧ Author’s note: ok so this is my first time ever writing something for Ellie and it’s heavily based on Role Model’s song Deeply still in love bc i fucking love that song and I thought it would be a good angsty emotional one shot so yeah… hope u guys enjoy it and english is not my first language so excuse any grammar mistakes oki luv yall bye.

♡‧₊˚₊✧ WC: 3.6K

୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧

“I think i still love you, deep down i know i never stopped loving you-“ Ellie scratched it out, watching the ink dry down on the page in her journal, the words of what she just wrote frozen on her mind, her breath was shallow, like she was afraid the air would judge her for it. She crossed the sentence out, one, two, three times until the paper on her journal ripped.

“Jesus Ellie, you might wanna breathe before your face starts turning purple- what’s up with that?”

Jesse interrupted her thoughts as he looked down at Ellie’s previously destroyed journal page, placing the two cups of coffee down at the table, the coffee shop they were at was cozy but drowned in people, making Ellie’s thoughts quieted down a bit as she closed the journal on her lap and took the hot cup of coffee “it’s nothing just… thoughts” she said while taking a sip of her coffee, the bitter taste burning her tongue

“Yeah well it looked like you were about to collapse or die” He flopped into the chair across from hers with a furrowed expression, “Anyway, maybe you should take your thinking somewhere else tonight and come with me and Dina to this party tonight” The black haired boy suggested, but Ellie wasn’t paying him much attention until she heard him clicking his fingers in front of her face “Hello earth to Ellie? Did you hear anything I said?” Ellie rolled her eyes, but if she was being honest her mind was wandering somewhere else, or on someone else “Sorry man im just not here today, what’s going on?” Jesse huffed getting annoyed by the girl’s lack of attention “You. Me. Dina. Party. Tonight?” He took the cup of coffee up to his mouth awaiting his friend’s response.

Ellie didn’t answer right away, tracing her finger on the rim of her cup, eyes fixed on the steam coming out of it like smoke signals no one else could read.

“Is ‘you know who’ going to be there?” the auburn haired girl finally responded, afraid but curious of what his response might be, her stomach twirled at the thought of you being there.

“Dude its been more than six months,” Jesse said with a tired tone. “You’ve hooked up with like three different girls since then, I thought you were over it”.

Ellie let out a short breath, bitter, like the coffee on her hands.

Over it.

Yeah sure. It’s been 8 months exactly since you broke up with Ellie, you didn’t exactly end up on bad terms, but it was like something was ripped off from her, a part of her was still waiting for you to come back, but how could she blame you for not to?. It was always like this, Ellie shut down when things got too real, she bottled up all these emotions and when the weight of it caught up to her it became too heavy to carry. You kept reaching for anything, like screaming to a wall, while she just kept pulling away, slowly and painfully. It wasn’t because she didn’t care, but because she cared too much. And that scared the shit out of her.

She hated talking about her feelings, she hated the vulnerability of it, the rawness, she hated being seen too clearly. But you- you saw her like no one else ever had, you saw her through like a window on a road trip, never scared of the road, never afraid of where it might take you, but she shut you down over and over, until you got tired of knocking on a door that would never fully open.

Ellie never blamed you for leaving, the look on your eye when the words slipped of your lips when you called it off still haunted her on her dreams till this day “I love you Ellie, but i can’t be the only one bleeding for us”

She just stood there, breathing through her nose, her heart pounding like a drum, she felt like it might rip out of her chest, and maybe it did because her words got caught up in her throat and tears started brewing in her emerald eyes when you left without slamming the door, that’s how she knew she really fucked up, that this was real, and you and her were done.

So yeah 8 painfully slow months have passed since that, and even though Ellie kissed strangers in bars, she closed her eyes with your name stuck behind teeth, going through bodies like maybe she could fit into a different pair of arms that could be warm enough to forget your face, your lips or the way your eyes would light up when you kissed her, but no stranger could ever replace that, replace you. It always came back to you. It didn’t matter how many mouths she kissed or how many bodies she explored, coming back to a cold bed made the emptiness crawl back like an old friend, and only made your absence more painful. But still she kept doing it, as if it were a miracle move-on-drug.

Ellie blinked out of the memory, the cup in her hands cold and long forgotten, she placed it back on the table before answering to her friend.

“Whatever man just text me the address and I might consider it” She thought the party wasn’t such a bad idea, she could have a couple drinks and hook up with some stranger she just met like she has been doing for the past months.

Jesse raised a brow, not buying into her sudden shift of tone. “That didn’t sound like a ‘fuck yeah I’m down for a party’. It sounded more like you’re planning to drink cheap booze until you forget your name and make out with someone you won’t remember the next day.”

The girl shrugged, “So what, none of your goddamn business”

Jesse stared at her for a second, like he wanted to say something, the words on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed them right up and sighed leaning back in his chair. “you do you, Ellie. Just… stop pretending it's helping.”

That definitely hit a nerve, but Ellie didn't flinch, nor said anything. He continued, a little softer this time, like a secret apology. “I'll text you the address. You don't have to come, but maybe you should. Think about it.”

With that the boy stood up grabbing his empty cup and left the coffee shop. An awkward silence filled the room, Ellie’s jaw tightened, at the end he was right, having sex with strangers wasnt exactly therapy but it got her through… in some fucked up way. Was it wrong? Maybe, Ellie never texted back any girl ever and just ghosted when she got what she needed. Toss and turn.

Later that day Ellie texted Jesse, briefly apologizing for being a dick to which he responded “When aren't you?.” Asshole. He sent her the address and by 9:30 Ellie was getting ready to leave. She stood in front of the mirror, jaw working as she tugged the black tank top over her head, the hem settling just above the waistband of her old patched up jeans, nothing very special- she didn't do special- hesitating on putting on a jacket or no, Jackson weather you never know. Her eyes lingered on her reflection for a little too long. The tank clung to her body in a familiar way. Safe. The jeans were her most reliable ones, just like her old converse she’d laced up so many times they were practically molded to her.

“Not a big deal, just another stupid party.” She ran her hands through her shaggy hair and decided she won’t put that much effort into it, bars are often dark so who cares- certainly not her. She took one last glance at the mirror before putting on Joel's old jacket and walking through the door of her apartment. The familiar weight of the jacket calmed her nerves a bit but not as much as the blunt in her fingers, she had stocked a few days ago, and a little pre game never fails to calm her down so she lit it up while waiting for Jesse and Dina to pull up the driveway. Jesse had offered to drive her to the party alongside Dina, even though Ellie had her own truck (an old ford truck inherited from Joel) he said it would be better if he was the assigned driver if they got a little too tipsy.

She often wondered how those too could stand each other for so long, when Ellie met Jesse at College he was already dating Dina and it’s been 4 years since then. They weren’t the perfect couple but surely knew how to get on each other's nerves, still always figured it out at the end. Ellie admired them for that and wished she was a little more like them.

Soon her thoughts dissolved into the crisp air of the night when Jesse pulled up on the driveway, he honked the horn as if the blinding lights didn't catch Ellie’s attention enough, “You are such an attention whore.” Ellie said, flicking the blunt away and stuffing her hands deep into the jacket pockets before entering the car.

The drive to the party was loud- music blasting, windows cracked, a new blunt being passed around like part of the ritual (courtesy of Ellie of course). It was their usual pregame, the kind that made her forget, even if just for a moment. With her friends, it was easy to laugh, to lean into the chaos and pretend the weight in her chest wasn’t still there. These were the moments that reminded Ellie not everything was awful. But the rush- the high, always felt like the drop of a roller coaster. And when Jesse finally parked the car, reality hit. Another night of pretending. Pretending nothing mattered, pretending the burn inside her wasn’t still there, quietly eating her alive.

“Don’t forget to rate me 5 stars and leave a tip” Jesse said jokingly, distracting Ellie from her self destructive thoughts”

Dina was the first one to enter the bar, the music almost deafening, the track was some popular song Ellie heard at the radio before, she didn't like it, but also didn’t exactly hate it. The place was packed as it usually is every Friday night, overflowing with bodies, laughter layering the loud music, and some good ol’ bar fight probably. Ellie trailed behind Jesse and Dina, already feeling the buzz fade into something heavier. She slipped her hands back into Joel’s jacket, like it would shield her from everything the weed could not.

They found a booth near the back, where the speakers didn’t rattle your bones quite as much. Dina, being the social butterfly she is, immediately recognized someone across the room, an old college classmate, but for Ellie it was one of those people who always remembers your face but not your name. Seconds later Jesse slid into the booth, scanning the bar like a minefield.

“Shot first, existential crisis later?” he offered, holding up two fingers to the bartender across the room.

Ellie nodded, managing a half-smile. “Make it three.”

As the night went on (and so did the shots) Ellie was sitting alone in the booth, Dina and Jesse long gone, probably dancing or making out somewhere in the dark, Ellie decided it was probably time for a smoke, to calm the headache she was starting to feel. She grabbed her jacket from her seat and made a beeline to the exit, the chill breeze of Jackson hitting her face like a slap she probably deserved.

Leaning against the crumbling brick wall outside the bar, the noise from inside was muffled out there. She pulled the blunt from her pocket, already half-rolled from earlier, and lit it with a practiced flick of her lighter, the smoke greeted her lungs like an old friend, welcoming the burn in her throat, grounding her a little as she exhaled through her nose. She took a second hit leaning her head against the wall, watching the people coming in and out of the bar, people watching was Ellie’s favorite activity while smoking, also because she could use it as an opportunity to check girls out, but that's when she saw you.

At least—she thought she did.

You were slipping through the bar’s entrance, swallowed up by a crowd of loud, laughing strangers. Just a flash of your face, the way your hair moved, throwing your head back laughing like someone who wasn’t her told the funniest joke of the world. Ellie blinked. Hard.

“No fucking way.” She cursed under her breath, squinting her eyes trying to steady herself. Was it the mix of weed and cheap alcohol in her system playing fucked up mind tricks on her? Either way, it didn't matter because she was already walking towards the crowd of people, like some magnetic force was pulling her in.

She pushed past two guys arguing about the cover charge. Her heart was thudding now—not like excitement. More like panic.

Inside, the lights hit her all wrong, too sharp, too bright. The music pulsed against her ribs. She scanned the crowd, pushing through, zeroing in on the back of that girl’s head.

Same jacket. Same posture. Same everything.

“Hey—” she started, grabbing the mysterious woman by the arm but when the girl turned around, it wasn’t you.

Of course it wasn’t you.

Her grip softened and she let go, the girl glared at her confused, and now Ellie could see, could really see that her eyes weren’t the same color as yours, her smile wasn’t as bright and welcoming as yours. And the worst part it’s not that she made a fool of herself, but that the girl was looking at her like she was a complete stranger. Which she was but to Ellie’s brain it just felt like she got hit by a thousand trains.

The brunette stepped back, the weight in her chest doubling. Her hands were shaking a little now, or maybe they always had been. She didn’t say anything. Just turned and pushed her way back outside.Too embarrassed to even apologize.

She felt like throwing up.

She found an empty corner right next to the bar, hunched over with her hands on her knees, breath coming sharp and uneven, gasping for air like she just ran a marathon. Her heart slammed heavily on her chest.

The cold didn’t even bother her this time. Her shaky hands reaching for her phone in the back pocket of her jeans, Her mind was fogged over, drifting somewhere else entirely. It was like she was watching herself from outside her own body.she didn’t know what she was doing just moving, automatic, like muscle memory took over, her fingers were clicking and swiping and then suddenly—

“Hello?”

The voice on the other end was soft, confused.

Her head snapped up. She blinked at the screen in her hand.

Call in progress — You.

A beat of silence passed before she even realized what she’d done. Her breath hitched.

“…Shit.”

Your voice. Caught between sleepy and annoyed.

“Who’s this? Do you have any idea how late it is?”

Ellie’s breath hitched. For a second, she considered hanging up. Throwing the phone into the street. Pretending this never happened. But she wasn’t running this time.

“…It’s me.”

Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Ellie.”

Silence. The kind that says everything and nothing at once.

“Ellie?”

Your voice softened. Then came the question she knew was coming—

“What– Why are you calling?”

She looked down at her converse, swallowing hard.

“I– I don't know I wasn't planning to, I'm just–” She tried to laugh it off. She couldn't believe this was happening.

“Are you drunk?” Your tone firm and dry

“I’m sorry i shouldn't have called , i dont know what the fuck im doing ok? I literally just called someone else your name. Just now.”

A shaky breath.

“Stupid, right?”

You didn't say anything, Ellies fingers tightened around the phone and your silence was enough to keep her bleeding. She was surprised that you hadn't hung up on her yet.

So Ellie kept talking.

“And I… I thought maybe if I just shoved it deep enough, it’d go away. Y’know? This—this fucking feeling. This ache that’s been stuck in me since you left. And I keep trying to bury it, like if I fake it hard enough, maybe it’ll stop hurting but it doesn’t. None of it works. Everything feels so…pointless. Like it doesn’t mean anything because… because there’s no you anymore.”

She breathes in sharp—like it physically hurts to say the next part.

“And burying it doesn’t fix shit. ‘Cause I still—”

A pause, her voice breaking on the edge. She didn't even realize tears had fallen down her freckled face. Savouring the salty drops as she opened her mouth.

“I still love you.”

There it was. She said it and she couldn't take it back anymore. It was real, and you were silent. Just like she had been when you were begging her to say something back then. Funny how life goes huh?

Silence. Again. you were completely frozen like you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. But your thoughts vanished when a female voice called you up.

“Who is it babe?”

Babe.

Ellie froze. Her stomach twisted, breath catching like it forgot how to move.

Babe.

You didn’t answer the girl right away. But you didn’t deny it, either.

Ellie bit her cheek until she tasted blood. The universe was getting a big fucking laugh out from her. There was a long pause. Too long.

You didn’t mean to let it stretch, but your breath caught somewhere in your throat, and the words wouldn’t come out right.

When you finally spoke, your voice was barely above a whisper.

“…Ellie.”

She didn’t say anything. You could hear her breathing—shaky, uneven, like she was crying?

“You can’t say things like that. Not now.”

You sounded softer than you meant to. Not angry. Just… broken.

“It’s not fair.”

Another pause. You swallowed hard.

“I have to go– I'm sorry, you should go home and sober up and just forget about it ok? That this phone call ever happened at all.”

You hesitated, like your heart was trying to claw its way out of your throat.

“Please.”

It came out barely audible. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

A silence lingered between you, thick with everything neither of you were saying.

“You don’t get to do this now, Ellie. Not after all the times I waited for you to mean it.”

Your voice cracked.

And before Ellie could speak—before she could take it back, or say she was sorry again—

“Goodbye Ellie”

You hung up. The line went dead.

She backed into the wall behind her sliding down until she was sitting on the cold concrete, knees pulled in tight, Joel’s jacket wrapped around her like it might protect her from this ache.

But it didn’t.

She let her head fall forward, resting it on her arms. The tears came slowly at first, stubborn like her. But once they started, they didn’t stop. Silent, messy, no control. Her shoulders shook, her breath catching in her throat like she couldn’t even cry right.

“Fuck this” She muttered.

You didn’t say you didn’t love her.

You said it was too late.

Somehow, that hurt worse.

The words echoed in her skull. She let out a choked laugh—bitter and hollow. She hated how much it still mattered. Hated that she called you. Hated herself for waiting this long to say it, for saying it now, when it meant nothing anymore.

She sat there until her fingers went numb, until the night felt like it was swallowing her whole.

Her phone kept ringing like crazy, probably a worried Dina or a very upset Jesse at the end of the line. She ignored it, because it wasn't you.

Eventually, she stood—slow, unsteady, like her body was made of glass. Her jacket hung heavy on her shoulders, soaked in the scent of cheap beer, smoke, and everything she didn’t want to feel. She made her way back inside of the bar, reckless and hurt, in search of a body that could keep her warm tonight, someone to blur the edges, to drown out the echo of your voice still ringing in her head.

Maybe, just for a second, it would feel like she wasn’t completely alone.

The music hit her like a wave—loud, chaotic, the kind of beat that made it easy to forget. She didn’t care who was watching, or that her eyes were red and her face puffy. She moved through the crowd like a ghost with a drink in hand, brushing past strangers until she locked eyes with someone—pretty, familiar enough, not you.

Never you.

“Hey,” she said, voice low and rough. “Buy you a drink?”

The girl smiled, said something back—Ellie didn’t really hear it.

Didn’t matter.

She just needed something to ease the pain.

Even if it was empty.

Even if it was fake.

Even if it hurt worse in the morning.

She leaned in, chasing a flame that would burn out, pretending it didn’t sting when it wasn’t your hands she felt.

Pretending she didn’t just shatter a little more when the girl kissed her and all she could think was—

You.

It was still you.

Always you.

୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧───

hope u guys liked it and lmk whatchu think, i’m open to suggestions and if u have any requests don’t hesitate to hmu <3!!!

[doodlegirl1998]

hori constantly acts as if he isn’t the writer and has full control of the story and it pisses me off to no end. gonna drop some examples below. these are from the street wear profiles from the manga.

sen kaibara - “I love his Quirk, so I can’t wait to portray it more.” he’s acting like something/someone is actively holding him back from doing so.

tetsutetsu tetsutetsu - “I hope I get to show him in action more.” once again, acting like something is stopping him. side note, why tf did he give him that name. it’s just so lazy. and it’s not even funny. just annoying to say and annoying to write.

hanta sero - “He’s mostly just for one liners in the background, but he’s a good guy, and I’d like to feature him more. At some point. For sure.” and then proceeds to never do that.

this might just be me being bitter abt all the amazing characters he’s completely disregarded and disrespected. this might just be me not understanding what it’s like being a mangaka. but it still bothers me.

i just hate how he’s created this insanely interesting world and amazing characters and never expands on anything bc he’s too busy sucking bakugos dick.

speaking of bakugo, as someone who has narcissistic tendencies, he’s a textbook case.

he obviously has some sort of inferiority/superiority complex and a mild to severe case of a god complex. at best he’s dismissive of people who he sees as inferior to him, at worst he’s downright cruel.

his “nicknames” are all just fucking insults aimed at peoples insecurities.

raccoon eyes/horns: mina was probably bullied for her appearance and then her so called “friend” exclusively calls her names that poke fun at her appearance.

bird brain/bird face/other bird names: tokoyami has probably heard it all at this point but once again bakugo making fun of heteromorphs.

dunce face: denki has shown to be insecure about his intelligence and once again his so called “friend” mocks him for it.

tentacles/arms/octopus: again, mocking heteromorphs.

tail: i’m beginning to see a pattern here.

ears: ok how has no one pointed out how most of his nicknames are him basically just calling them slurs.

i don’t think bakugo has ever called someone their actual name. maybe a handful of times? but it’s like a massive event when he calls someone by their actual name.

exclusive calling people insults isn’t exactly heroic.

anyway rant over i just needed to get all this shit off my chest.

Hi @the-jello-bowl 👋,

There could be something to be said here about how the editors may have had a hand in Hori not exploring all the characters he may have wanted to.

But, even if that is the case, not all of the blame would rest on them.

Hori clearly did not plan ahead for a lot of MHA. He is very good at coming up with good character designs and concepts as well as bringing life to them but seems to be at a loss after that is done. The cast bloating is key evidence of this.

It is sad to see all these interesting characters be swept to the wayside in favour of Bakugou, who by contrast brings nothing of interest to the table.

Bakugou is a narcissistic abuser in my opinion. He uses cruel nicknames, not as lighthearted jibes, but to bring others down - especially his friends.

Other than the instances you mentioned, I want to bring attention to one that belongs to Bakugou's supposed best friend, Kirishima, who he calls only "shitty hair." We learn in his backstory that Kirishima changed his hair to be like his idols as a symbol of his growth prior to U.A. Therefore, being continually called "shitty hair" would hurt Kirishima deeply. He also tells Bakugou to stop, and yet Bakugou does not care.

The time I can think of when Bakugou called someone their actual name is that time he used "Izuku" instead of the usual "Deku" slur. And even that is bad because instead of asking for the right to call Izuku by his first name, usually reserved for close family, Bakugou just does it.

Typical narcissistic, entitled and stagnant Bakugou. We hate to see it.

I wish Hori didn't waste so many manga panels on this idiot.

[havocskies]

WARNING this yapfest is mainly about the headcanon about hobie and gwen hooking up. i’m speaking VERY negatively on it but if you don’t like even hearing abt it don’t read all this. i understand not everyone likes hearing abt it but i’ve always thought it was important to talk about and i love talking abt media deeply. this is also all unedited and not looked over it’s truly just me yapping

i won’t get straight back into nsfw (if i even do, i don’t really have an urge to anyway 😭) but i will rant abt things i still care abt. i wholeheartedly believe (even as someone who very strongly thinks hobie is 18 or older) that the ships w him and miles, pav, n even margo were completely fine as a concept. there was never anything wrong w wtv age you saw hobie as bc it was never and has never been confirmed, so if they saw hobie as a minor shipping him was fine. like i won’t lie usually it was wholesome n cute (other than the people who gave them a clear power dynamic bc they think hobie is an adult n jst didn’t wanna be called a proshipper. those were the only people i ever spoke out against)

however. in my full opinion hobie and gwen could’ve never worked out bc one 99% of the shippers base their relationship purely on sex but even for the shippers who didn’t i think gwen was too unstable for a relationship like that w hobie. wtv age you think hobie has there would’ve been a CLEAR power dynamic between him n gwen, he was supposedly the main person letting her crash at his place n was the main person taking care of her emotionally and physically. like i’m sure he treated her as an equal no doubt, but gwen wasn’t emotionally stable she was very freshly traumatized 😭 she would not have been in the headspace to have sex w hobie at all, and i guarantee even if she tried hobie wouldn’t have let her bc i don’t think he’s stupid and i think he would’ve known she wasn’t stable enough to just start hooking up randomly (under the very safe assumption gwen never has before 😭😭😭) like that’s the only reason i ever see people ship her and hobie and it’s horrifying 💔

i think it was implied she had a small crush on hobie in the way you’d have a crush on an upperclassman or an older coworker. but i also think hobie would’ve been responsible enough to not do anything with gwen or even indulge in the idea that he could like her back in that way.

people don’t consider the fact that when smth that big happens in your life and someone immediately shows you so much care, attention, and treats you the way you haven’t been treated in a while it’s very likely to become naturally attached. gwen (safe to assume) probably didn’t have much experience with even DATING, which means in her traumatized brain hooking up could’ve been the only way she thought that a friendship that great could possibly go. it’s so easy to think that way, and i really doubt hobie would’ve taken advantage of her lack of experience n trauma like that just to hook up AND ALSO never even date her ??? he does not seem like the type to have mindless hookups i’m sorry 😭 the whole “i don’t believe in consistency” was not him saying he’s a manwhore, it was him saying constant things to contradict themselves and confuse miles. he’s not a sex addict he’s jst annoying 😭 if you paid attention to most other things he said ON THE SPOT, they were all clearly sarcasm. obviously not him talking abt being an activist n being a punk, bc when he talks abt that he talks in detail the entire time. he isn’t jst pulling it out of his ass like he did w everything else he jst wanted to annoy miles. i very heavily think hobie wld be against hookup culture

now however people who ship hobie n gwen n DONT believe they did anything like that i don’t rlly care like as much as the ship irks me i can’t have anything against it in that way 💔💔💔

and i also know people can ship wtv they want but people are also allowed to dislike it and that’s completely okay !!!

i just think hobie is truly such a well written character and fits the true punk ideals so well, which is rare for popular media and i wish people didn’t brush that off so often just to make hobie creepy and predatory for some reason 💔

[vigilskeep]

if you could toss dragon age characters into the party of a different entry in the series, who would you put where and why? could be from a character interaction standpoint, or how they'd interact with the main plot of the game. i personally dream of a world where sera got to hang out in kirkwall

kirkwall IS a much more natural habitat for sera which i highly appreciate, although i also think they should have let her join the blight brigade when she was like 12. it would’ve been funny. she still has her accent and nobody else does and it’s completely unexplained

okay for realsies i think having a tevinter character in dao would be really fun for perspectives on the blight, it’s why i gave my own warden tevinter heritage. so fen or dorian, preferably fen because he’d be so annoying about it (deeply affectionate). i have elaborate daydreams about anders as a minor dao antagonist that i think i’ve brought up before. i would love to see solas have to deal with all this. wake up grandpa it’s the fucking blight and guess what some people desperately want to save every scrap of this world they can

“why didn’t you tell us blackwall wasn’t a real warden, anders” “i’m literally a deserter. wasn’t going to ruin my day” anyway i think blackwall being forced to chaperone those bisexuals would be so fucking funny. please put him and isabela in a room. and i need a tank who isn’t aveline. otherwise i’m actually struggling to think bc the da2 party is so good. uh. alistair but exclusively if he was exiled in dao

i’m so sorry to do this to them but dai desperately needs a dalish companion, i’d prefer merrill over velanna for the eluvian plot but either would help. uhh i don’t fucking know who else. oghren so people stop thinking halward pavus invented thedas homophobia as if he wasn’t there first smh

[teatitty]

What are your favorite tropes for kakairu? Sorry if you've written them I'm behind on reading your Naruto stuff aaaa what are you favorite things about them as a ship? What animals would they best be in your heart of hearts? What are their favorite ways to annoy each other?

Haven't had the time to write out any of the tropes I actually love for them yet but some of my fave KakaIru tropes are: Kakashi being a lowkey stalker and Iruka still falling for him anyway bc all Shinobi are weird like that; Tsundere Iruka and Kakashi being so so so self aware about it he is living his romance dreams; mission fic! I love a good 'have to go on a mission together' trope especially if its them bickering a lot and bonding throughout; office romance is just inherently baked into them lol but that too; Kakashi being one of very few people who can consistently invade Iruka's personal space and be touchy with him without consequence. This does not go unnoticed and everyone is [suspicious side eye] about it

Favourite things about them as a ship: Domesticity; two heavily traumatised orphans caring so deeply about the younger generations; Iruka not giving a single fuck about Kakashi's reputation and loudly arguing with him the same way he would anyone else; there's a myriad of interesting dynamics you can explore with them and just an absolute shitton of tropes and AU's ripe for the taking; they match eachother's freak; the amount of official art Studio Pierrot made of these two together makes me laugh; this is an anime only scene but Kakashi grabbing Iruka's hands just to give him Pakkun before leaving the village rewired my brain chemistry; ANBU Kakashi could've fixed a delinquent Iruka by fucking hi -

Animals they'd be: said it before Kakashi is obviously dog coded even back to his dad's moniker being "White Fang" and Iruka is a tanuki

Fave ways to annoy the other: There are so many we could not name all of them but Kakashi's favourite is turning in messy reports and Iruka's favourite is ruining Kakashi's cool guy image by telling the kids he loudly sobs at sad adverts about dogs

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

-

reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

-

watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

-

playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

-

making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand

[kiichxko]

If you go I'll stay, you come back I'll be right here.

After the love of your life returns back from spain, you decide to hold a small but much needed celebration with him, together.

Warnings: gn reader, angsty undertones, hurt/comfort?? possibly ooc sae bc idk how to write him, no beta we die like the light in rin's eyes. Not proofread it's 12 am and i cant sleep so sorry if it seems rushed

Word count: 539 words

"Hm? What's this?" Sae curiously eyed the mysterious box laid out on the table, before shifting his gaze towards you with a raised eyebrow.

You said nothing, other than silently gesturing for him to open it with an encouraging smile on your face. Sae complies, albeit hesitantly. As he carefully opens the box, his eyes widen slightly in surprise.

"Cake?" He blinks, confused. Sure, you were full of surprises (literally), but you getting him cake was completely out of nowhere.

Four different slices of cake to be exact.

"Do you like it?" You looked at him expectantly, absent-mindedly drumming your fingers against the mahogany table.

"I would've gotten you four whole cakes if I could, but those were too expensive so I had to settle for these." You sheepishly grinned, grabbing a plastic fork that came along with the cakes.

"Here, I got them each in your favourite flavours, which one do you wanna eat first?" You handed Sae a fork and a paper plate, who was still dumbstruck from the surprise. "Come on Sae, before I decide to eat them all myself!" You nudged him playfully, before taking a small bite out of the strawberry shortcake.

"Why…" Your boyfriend began to speak, pursing his lips to form a small frown, he didn't look upset or annoyed at all however, he looked… thoughtful.

"Why did you get me these?" He asked blankly, with no hint of any emotion behind it. It made your stomach twist, oh no, does he not like sweets? That could be the reason, he was a renowned athlete after all, a prodigy.

Why did you even bother to try?

"I uh, just wanted to surprise you, y'know?" The words begin to choke in your throat, your cheerful smile falters a little, something chips away inside you, it's heavy, and it tugs at your heartstrings uncomfortably.

"I missed you, a lot."

Ah, he realises.

Four cakes.

Four years.

Four miserable years that he's been away, from his home, his brother.

From you.

And suddenly, you find yourself engulfed in Sae's slightly shaky, but warm embrace, finally. Strong arms awkwardly wrap around your body as you bury your head into the crook of his neck, sighing deeply in relief.

"I… I missed you too." Sae says, hugging you tighter like his life depended on it. Like you were the very air he breathed in.

"God, I'm no good for you, mi amor." He muttered softly into your ear, with how close you both were, you could now clearly see just how tired he was.

"Shush, don't say that. I wouldn't trade you for anyone else." You nuzzled your face into Sae's chest, shutting your eyes to relish this moment even more as you felt your lover press a gentle kiss onto your forehead.

You wished you could stay like this forever.

And you both did, kind of.

"So, can I eat my cake now?" Sae interrupted after a while.

"Wow, how nice of you to ruin the moment, genius."

"Mi amor, I thought you said these cakes were for me, no? Also that strawberry shortcake is mine."

"If you want, fine but- Hey, where are you going?! At least let me hug you for a little longer!"

A/N: normalise sae speaking in spanish !! Aughh i cant believe i actually finished a drabble omg anyways byebye i should sleep rn

Tagging: @kaveh-kisser (the one and only sae stan)

[cokeheadchimney]

Tommy's fans be like "he just wants a family and a close bond like the 118". Well, what is he doing for it? He complained Hen doesn't keep in touch with him. Does he make an effort to stay in touch with anyone at the 118? Did he remember Hen's birthday? He claims he has the right to be at the bachelor's party beyond being Buck's date, because he's know Chimney for a long time, but would have anyone thought to invite him if he wasn't kissing Buck? Maddie called him Eddie's friend, she's never heard of this man before. Honestly I kinda think that everything he told Buck was more of a pickup line than anything but people just latch onto this man and create uwu stories for him that they demand be seen as canon.

literally you are so right because he’s lamenting about how he doesn’t have that bond he just wants to be a part of it but he’s not trying to reach out to anyone besides eddie? bc he wants to fuck eddie? and he could’ve started forming those bonds back when he was part of the 118 but he wanted to play i-have-to-bully-everybody-else-so-nobody-bullies-me idk for an old ass man he has the mentality of a middle schooler. and let’s be so fucking real he is not friends with chimney he was invited because of buck not because chimney wants him there, chimney himself was like oh we only talk like not even once a year in that episode in one of the earlier seasons when buck was crashing tf out abt all of them losing touch. yeah tommy says he wants a family unit like that but doesn’t try to build one, just keeps himself firmly on the outside of it and watches on jealous as fuck which is also his issue with the whole eddie-is-the-competition bc why are u torturing urself then? ur so desperate? idgi i mean the man’s a firefighter doing air rescue flying on the weekends for fun does muay thai whatever other shit he does that they gas him for in s7 idek and he’s in LA so it’s not like there’s a shortage of options like if u can’t keep a relationship w all that going for u that’s a problem with u specifically i think… as we see with his dead eyes and dry as fuck comments eugh i fucking hate him

and then separately ik some people will hate me saying this but buck has issues w being… i don’t wanna say gullible or easily influenced but he does tend to follow along with whatever confirms his biases a lot i think mostly in earlier seasons like exhibit a the lawsuit and he’s grown so much as a character like esp after the lightning strike we may as well be on buck 8.0 atp he is a completely different person but he still has some of those tendencies and i think that is why he ended up w tommy in the first place bc to him he had fun doing that cruise ship rescue he equated that w tommy and then saw eddie and tommy hanging out without him and lost his ever loving mind and attributed that to tommy bc to him theres simply no way he’d ever have feelings for eddie bc that’s just not on the table idek if im explaining this right but anyways! that man is not into tommy everything we see of them is just buck being annoyed by him bc he’s so deeply unhelpful

[cospinol]

X!

oh you know you're getting a xeipost :3

full name: xeiiro iridoria, and later he adds the family name harmonia

nickname(s): just xei! he only goes by the first segment of his name that was given to him by his parents (common practice for the sect he was raised in); the second part is a holy 'designation' appended by the church. also shira calls him xeixei occasionally

gender and sexuality: male and bi

a song i associate with them: the crow by dessa ... [you learn to live on less]!

3 important relationships: >SHIRA!!!!! his forever beloved; codependent in a very very quiet way and then very quietly obsessed for the rest of their lives. there's no point where she was actually his girlfriend but for both of them their entire time together over the multiple years of main ruimoza felt as though everything was leading up to the big confession, and then when it came it ended up also being their irreparable breakup moment. he'll never ever get over her lol >tarry; doting, patient and deeply annoying mentor <3 tarry was assigned custodianship by the church over the estate going to seed that xei technically inherited, and then picked up xei himself when he got a little bounty slapped on him at the beginning of ruimoza proper, and then spends the rest of the story trying earnestly to fix him. he is the only person xei actually trusts for a long time though he doesn't act like it >kasago; the worst miracle romance in the world as the finisher! sometimes what actually fixes you is getting swept off your feet by the mass-murderer who has been stalking you for multiple years of your life and that's good end. xei really does love him. ymmv?

2 fears:

>almost hard to choose a top 2 because (although he doesn't let it show at all) he is extremely skittish and easily frightened. however his genuine fear/repulsion towards his own relic blade is justified bc it is extremely evil and cursed; he should be able to use it as a weapon anyways but he uses the curse as an excuse to avoid combat

>he is also deeply afraid of ghosts. unfoundedly

1 backstory element: when he was very young (<5) and his hero-adventurer mama was still alive, xei and his father lived on the road with her on expeditions into the uninhabitable/mystery region that lies due south of the corner of the south realm ruimoza takes place in, and because of his time spent there he's forever happiest in hot/humid climates. he hates the cold

[andorerso]

sissi hello!! in regards to the post about ocs, i would LOVE to hear more about dani and elijah 💜 (partly bc i love both of those names so so much, always have, and that intrigues me instantly).

hope you're having a wonderful day!

rolling up almost two months later like hiiiiii <3 sorry it took me so long to answer ahfgdchg

but first of all, thank you for asking because I love talking about them, second of all, I'm so happy you like the names because I do too 🥰 well obviously, I wouldn't have chosen them otherwise, but I'm very particular about names and they have to feel right, and this was one of those instances when I almost instantly knew their names, like it was just fate. meant to be. and I think they sound nice together!! anyway, I'll stop ranting about names now

so, the story is urban fantasy, and their tropes are slowburn, mutual pining, idiots to lovers, battle couple, codependency, angstttttt, two sides of the same coin, flirty & awkward, snarky & serious, impulsive & rational, short-tempered & calm

Dani (full name Danielle Preston but she hates being called Danielle) is our leading lady, she's in her mid-20s, and she's the flirty, snarky, impulsive, short-tempered side of the two. she's always cracking a joke, which is mostly a self-defense mechanism, and tends to cover up real feelings with humor, sex and booze. I have such a soft spot for characters who'd rather cut open a vein than show weakness or vulnerability in front of someone, but still deeply care about people and are intensely loyal if you earn it, so she's kinda that archetype. she'd literally burn down a whole city for someone she loves but will never actually say the words. also she's bisexual like almost all my MCs

here's kind of how I imagine her (made with this picrew)

and Elijah is the more level-headed, serious, all business no fun counterpart to Dani's generally chaotic behavior. he's a couple hundred years old, and not human, but he looks to be in his early 30s. he's very matter-of-fact, goal-oriented, and pragmatic, but he's also very kind to those who deserve it, and can be surprisingly intense and passionate when he actually lets himself feel it (which is not very often, at least not at first). he has a very strong sense of justice, but he kind of follows his own moral code, so he definitely falls into the morally grey category (Dani kind of does too, but Elijah even more so)

here's a picrew for him too

as for their relationship, it starts as kind of an unwilling partnership and they clash a lot at the beginning because of their different approaches and worldviews, but they eventually form a friendship. Elijah's kind of drawn to her/fascinated by her from the start, because she's so different from him but has a lot of the qualities he admires/wishes he had too. Dani takes a bit longer mostly because she's better at lying to herself lmao. but there's an attraction of sort from the beginning. it's a difficult ride, mostly because they're both stubborn idiots who tend to repress their emotions, just in different ways. she's lost people and is afraid to lose more, and he's just not sure he knows how to allow himself to want things and be a functioning human person, so neither wants a relationship and they're both violently trying to deny any feelings. but the feelings are definitely there. like they're not together but they're deeply devoted but they will never admit it but there's no one else who could possibly compare. those kinda vibes, you know?

some other tidbits/details that I love about them: she loves to antagonize him (mostly in a teasing way) and he's so offended/annoyed at first until he realizes it's her love language. then the annoyance turns into fond exasperation. she's pretty much the only one who can make him genuinely smile and laugh, in fact sometimes he's the only one who actually finds her funny at all lmao (she definitely overdoes it sometimes but he finds it charming). she's a bit of a romantic deep down, and he's very intensely devoted once he commits, so it's the kind of relationship she always secretly wanted but never thought could have. and he's the only person she will tolerate calling her Danielle (it's kind of a turn-on from him).

anyway, I could go on but it's gonna get long very quickly, so this is just the basics. but I love talking about them and I'm always open to more specific questions from anyone <3

also here's a moodboard too because why not

[trixr4kidzz]

souyo will never not be good. like the whole town in visibly pining for u and u go for yosuke hanamura the one guy who is trying to hide it and doing the worst possible job

they r so loser4loser

also literally any getting together souyo drabble mayhaps?

LIKE LITERALLY imagine being the guy who basically saved Inaba and the world , you're a team leader because you make smart and level headed decisions.

And then you see Yosuke, this bumbling idiot who doesn't even know how to thunk before he speaks and you're like. Yeah yes. This one.

In terms of getting together... I think it's so so important that Yosuke confess first. His internalized homophobia is such a large hurdle he needs to get over bc he's like basically almost confessing the entire game ("Like you. You're really special to me." ??????) And then backing out immediately.

And Yu is both... patient but slightly intimidated by the way Yosuke approaches the idea of being gay,, he wants to give Yosuke the time to overcome his own feelings because he's not stupid. He can yell that Yosuke likes him or at the very least is struggling with accepting the fact that he's queer.

But I mean. There's also that part of him that is scared of rejection. He's still just a teen and he can't bare the sting of having Yosuke say no to his face, especially if it's going to be coupled with some statement about how he's "not gay" in a slightly upset? Disgusted? Offended? Tone. Yosuke is his partner who he trusts and cares for deeply and the idea of him being Disgusted or uncomfortable around him feels like the end of the world.

Basically Yu is anxious and emotionally constipated and Yosuke *needs* to overcome his struggles before this can work so I think a huge part of really overcoming it is him confessing first

NOW HOW THE CONFESSION GOES... You KNOW it's started by Yosuke doing something a little bit gayer than usual, followed by silence, and him yelling "BYE" and running away while he processes for a bit. Bonus points if its a build up of things over one week and it really makes him think.

For example: asks Yu to practice kissing for a future gf, says "love you!' When hanging up the phone one night, instinctively reaching for his hand to not get lost in a crowd, etc. It has Yosuke constantly on edge,, all those emotions he tried to stuff down are coming back full force, and now he can't even look at Yu without feeling warm in his chest.

And one night, on a whim of adrenaline an impulse, he runs all the way to the Dojima residence (bc he's dramatic. Too dramatic for over the phone.) And the moment he sees Yu opens the door he just blurts out "I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH YOU."

There's. A deafening moment of silence that's quickly followed by embarrassment as he realized he just yelled this over the Dojima's having dinner. Oops.

Anyways, Yu would ask him to come in and they'd talk upstairs about. Well about everything,, they talk about Yosuke, how scared he was to admit to this part of himself... why he felt that way but realizing he needs to stop caring ehst others think because it hurts him to hide it... and because he loves Yu and knows Yu would never judge him. Yu talking about his internal worries as well, worried that Yosuke would avoid hum like the plague or be annoyed with him for liking him.

And then... they just kinda lay down together and slowly recount all the moments they've had together. The first time they entered the TV world, riding scooters together, Yosuke pulling him out of the Mitsuo hallucination, how angry and protective Yosuke had gotten not just over him, but especially Dojima and Nanako at the hospital, saving the world... everything.

And reiterates "You're really special to me, partner..."

LETS GO GAY PEOPLE

[spaceheelies]

hey you guys it took me like two months but i finally finished fourth wing

honestly it was not like as offensively bad as i was expecting. don’t get me wrong the actual prose is very poorly written, the dialogue is atrocious, the worldbuilding is often baffling, and the plot is repetetive. The main reason it took me so long to finish it is because of how cyclical the plot was, it just felt like the middle of the book was the same scenes happening over and over (mc is a weakling, she resents love interest #1 for thinking she’s a weakling, she trains for a challenge, she does the challenge and usually passes through some kind of special treatment, she yells at love interest #1 for thinking she couldn’t do it, rapport with love interest #2 who she hates but wants to bone, the teachers read off a list of the dead and mc is still stunned that kids die at war college). there were also so many minor characters, way too many characters that were obviously there just to die so it could really be hammered home that the school is brutal and violet is an outlier bc she cares when people are killed. with the size of the cast you would think there would be more characters i would feel attached to by the end but bc there were so many i’ve already forgotten most of them.

all that being said it’s not like acotar or throne of glass where i’m outraged and baffled that it’s so wildly popular. people often lump them into the same category but i don’t think fw is guilty of packaging deeply harmful rhetoric in shallow white feminist wrapping paper at least in the same way. i might eat my words when it comes to the sequels, but at least fourth wing accomplishes a basic understanding of “imperialism and genocide are bad even when they are happening to other people, you are not immune to propaganda, and it doesn’t matter how much you read when your corrupt government controls what historical texts get to remain on the shelves your understanding of events will be one-sided and incomplete.”

i also would say “like” is a strong word for any of the characters, but i can at least understand their appeal more than the standard romantasy fare. violet is kind of annoying and not an especially well-rounded main character but i can appreciate how the author had her leverage her book smarts against her physical disability when she’s been forced into an environment so obviously hostile to the disabled. the stakes for her do feel high. xaden is also far and away more tolerable than typical “shadow daddy” booktok clones tend to be. yarros definitely lays on how incredibly selfless and honorable and respectful of boundaries he is very thick, but at least she tells AND shows, where a lot of authors in the subgenre will tell us what a self-effacing feminist king their mmc is and then have him commit some of the worst atrocities and abuse i have read.

anyways. it was fine. i might read the next book in the series someday down the line who knows. will delete this essay eventually

[aroace-polyshow]

HELLO OMG im so intrigued about hw actually and you have been talking about hw ruinene in particular so can i ask about what their history is like. what is their relationship currently. how are they doing. sorry if this question is a bit vague i can always reword it if needed!

FIRSTLY. THANK YOU OH MY GOD i’ve honestly been worried i’ve been too annoying about them dlkjfhjs BUT YAYYY SOMEONE IS INTERESTED YAHOO

anyway this is got SO FUCKING LONG so ramble is gonna be under the cut:

so to answer your question, the short answer is that they’re doing bad :D!! this is a nightcord/wxs swap after all.

for context in this swap au, rui was able to join nene’s theater group when they were younger!! nene wouldn’t join unless rui was allowed to as well, so begrudgingly the members let him join despite not liking him much bc they thought nene would be a good member. rui didn’t really want to join either, cause he could tell the members didn’t like him much, but nene really wanted him to and since didn’t want to stop her from joining, he agrees to it.

rui and the troupe don’t get along too much but they’re willing to deal with him to keep nene around and rui’s pretty content being able to do shows with nene. until nene has that fuck up on stage moment like she does in her canon past, but its made worse when rui tries to stand up for her. picture the wxs main story fight. something like that.

unfortunately the member rui ends up arguing with gets all up in rui’s face and provokes him into shoving them. the guy isn’t seriously injured or anything but that doesn’t matter much because now they have fuel for rumors to spread about him, that they knew they never should have let that weirdo kid join, they always knew he would hurt someone, etc, stuff like that. but nene’s involved too now!! given that she was his friend and ends up being the only one to stick around with him, rumors spread around her as well since not only did she ruin their show, she also hangs out with “that weirdo kid,” so she’s probably just as weird and dangerous. so they’re both stuck in this together throughout middle school. how fun :)

nene’s stage fright and social anxiety after that is fucking godawful. she can’t bring herself to sing anymore despite wanting to SO fucking badly, so she turns to composing as a hobby. she sort of takes on kanade’s role as the shut-in composer. girl is completely petrified of leaving the house. rui still makes robo-nene for her, so she doesn’t have to leave the house if she’s too scared to and can use it to go run errands or something with rui as company. my girl has so much self loathing in her about what happened and berates herself a lot. thinks of herself as horribly pathetic and cowardly. also so much guilt i will get into in a minute

rui meanwhile is really discouraged from doing shows after that. discouraged feels too light for it tbh. he still loves shows dearly but (pre main story at least) he is like. so convinced he won’t ever be able to and shouldn’t even try connecting with people after that. because if all his attempts are only going to lead to him and other people getting hurt, what’s the point? he’ll always be the weirdo kid no one trusts, and he knows he can’t do shows alone, and he’s kinda accepted that he’ll just be forever be lonely and isolated, aside from having nene with him. but that’s not rlly comforting to him bc of how guilty he feels about dragging her down with him.

speaking of which: time to bring up their mutual guilt!! good fucking lord they both have so much guilt inside them and despite how deeply they care about each other neither of them have ever heard of communicating‼️ they are both fully convinced they are at fault for what happened.

nene hates herself bc she feels like she pressured rui into joining, for messing her moment, for not being able to stand up for herself, for making rui do it for her and leading to what happened, and then STILL being so much of a coward that rui has to defend her throughout middle school. she feels like a burden to him and feels so so horribly guilty about it. he made a whole goddamn robot for her because of how scared she is to leave the house anymore after the harassment and she feels she does nothing for him in return.

rui on the other hand feels horribly guilty for making a stupid decision in the heat of the moment and dragging nene’s reputation down with his. he thinks if he hadn’t been there, if nene had never been friends with him, nene would never have gotten so much harassment. he thinks he deserves it all, but nene doesn’t. he’s really protective of her and took most of the heat when the harassment was really rough. he’s fully convinced he did this to her, that it’s his fault and the very least he could do for her is try to help her as much as he can. this is nightcord wxs so of course he wants to disappear but rui doesn’t less because he thinks nene would miss him and doesn’t want to make her sad (he cares so so much about her but bro’s convinced she should resent him for doing this to her, cause he definitely feels that way about himself) and more bc in his head, it’d be fucking shameful of him to try to take the easy way out. like, how dare he leave nene like that, when he’s the one that did this to her. how dare he abandon her when this entire situation is his fault.

nene’s also been the closest one to ever actually disappearing. she berates herself a lot for being too much of a coward to actually do it, to free rui of the burden that is her. she wants to both bc of the amount of guilt and self loathing she has but also just. feels really lost and aimless. like her dream was to be an actress, but she can barely leave the house anymore, so how is she even supposed to do that? like. she’s tired of living the way she does as a shut in. but at least she has music. she finds comfort in composing.

they’ve clearly stayed friends through it all, and they both care so so much about each other, but there’s a sort of wall between them after everything. they still tease each other and hang out together since they’re neighbors, and try to pretend everything’s stayed the same between them. they get better at not being so closed off to each other!! eventually!! but god starting odd neither of them EVER open up to each other. there’s rui who struggles to identify his own feelings in the first place and nene who doesn’t want to bother rui but generally they both just have the mindset of “i can’t trouble them more than i already have.”

when nene starts composing, rui’s really really happy for her. like he sees how miserable she’s been so her finally finding something she seems interested in makes him really really happy. and later once the group is fully formed, being able to do music videos makes him happy too. it’s not quite the same as doing shows obviously, but he’s happy he’s able to tell stories one way or another.

guhh. i hope this made sense and didn’t contradict too much. i’m probably missing stuff. that’s all the coherent stuff for now though. these horribly sad clowns who have never communicated in their lives…i’m insane about them…

anyway, a few miscellaneous facts about them:

nene is fucking ruthless online, especially when it comes to people even being slightly mean to rui.

nene switched to home schooling since middle school, after rui graduated from it.

rui picked out their online aliases, tako (octopus) and kurage (jellyfish). he likes sea animals and thought it’d be funny. nene did not seem to find it funny, but she kept the one he chose for her anyway.

rui’s also gotten really good at video games since he’s played them with nene for so long.

they stay over at each others houses quite a bit, and as they learn to not be so closed off to each other, staying over happens a lot more. if one of them feels like shit, all one of them needs to do is just text the other and no matter how late it is, the other will already be prepared with some spare blankets and maybe a few snacks. they might not always talk, but it’s comforting being in the presence of the other.

they came out to each other as aroace during a sleepover back in middle school. it really just went like:

“hey, rui?” “yeah?” “i think i’m aroace.” “oh. me too actually, i think.” “oh. okay.”

nene got to know mizuki a little bit, since she stayed close to rui during middle school. he introduced them to each other, nene still keeps in touch with them.

they have a hobby of trying new cup noodle flavors and combos together. they have a tier list and everything.

they both get anxious about arguments, but nene especially gets really panicky and nervous.

judas by abuse is hw core hw rui in particular. but there’s good lines that make me think of nene in there too. feel free to ask me for that ramble it’s been living in my brain

feel free to ask more stuff i’m more than happy to ramble

[stormyoceans]

vv brainrot continuation:

and again the hangover pill is a hangover karbonak

you're deeply and passionately in love (dude, did you lose your twin puen at birth?)

august’s interview reminded me so much of puen’s interview in ep12

day and talay "i don’t think anything about him, but i’ll come to him with a guitar to sing love songs to say how important he is to me" (day doesn’t have a guitar yet, but he behaves in such a way that he’ll now start singing love by paradox)

in all universes, seat belts are a source of great tension.

puen’s methods of influencing day and talay are the same (you don’t run with me bcs you think about me differently. who were you thinking about when i directed the scenes? about a guy named tun?)

bed scene (fandee na talay)

why are you smiling mork? (talay is your smile)

can you tell me about rung (p'peng, you can tell me about the life of tun)

smells (we've discussed this many times, but why not say it again)

cover your ears (idk it just reminded me of the childhood fuss of puentalay when they were filming a video message to joob)

you're doing this bcs of the car (the theme is “falling in pretend love to return to your universe”)

we're bf now (at least they didn't have to kiss 40 times before they verbally admitted it)

wedding (leave your drinking yogurt and bring a bag of chips or it's not canon). soft pink balloons (i'm already crying) i'm beaten out like a dusty carpet. how are you doing with brainrot, monica?

PINKYBRAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU SENT ME THE BRAINROT FOR EP 6 AND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE 😭😭😭 TUMBLR MEET ME IN THE PIT IM GONNA FIGHT YOU

i may have gotten a little bit worried ;;;;;; im so glad you're okay tho!!!!!!! and i know it's really annoying to write down something all-over again but if you ever felt like rewatching ep 6 and trying to send me a new brainrot, i'd love to read it!!!!! (but no pressure, of course!!!!)

ANYWAY. BACK TO THE CURRENT BRAINROT. 'BEATEN OUT LIKE A DUSTY CARPET' IS ACTUALLY A PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF HOW I FEEL ON A PSYCHOLOGICAL EMOTIONAL SPIRITUAL MENTAL AND PHYSICAL LEVEL AFTER THIS EPISODE. ESPECIALLY WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE PUENTALAY PARALLELS LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE WE REALLY GOT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL ONE???????? INSANITY DERANGEMENT LUNACY MADNESS THEY'RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE AND NOT EVEN P'AOF HIMSELF COULD CHANGE MY MIND

my brainrot pretty much looks like yours tbh, however the cover your ears scene immediately made me think about puentalay pinching each other's cheeks in ep 4

I JUST LOVE OUR SILLIES SO MUCH

also!!!!! kind of a reach, but the way the almost kiss at the end of this episode was framed reminded me very strongly of the puentalay one in ep 5

and both of them were interrupted, one by a phone call and one by. Pain.............

but honestly the dynamic between mork and day in this entire episode was so puentalay coded to me like the way mork was pursuing day while day played hard to get but you could still tell he was enjoying every second of it is just. it's puentalay. like idk what else to say it's THEM

THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE THEORY HAS NEVER BEEN MORE REAL

[llycaons]

for lan wangji -- 2, 8, 12, 22! and for mtefil character of your choice, 1, 13, and 23!

hi vero!! and oh boy my prophet

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I really like how he's simultaneously unyielding but undergoes so much change - he's capable of humility and self-reflection. there are lwj haters and they don't seem to realize this lol. I feel like it's really hard to balance a character who's so strong-willed and rock-certain in their beliefs, but is also capable of undergoing deep introspection and changing themselves drastically and independently completely out of internal motivation (his Mr. Darcy similarities). That's what seems challenging to capture in a fanfic too! His character arc is pretty straightforward but it does enchant me. And I of course also love what a sweet loving tender-hearted person he is underneath his appearance and reputation. He was made to love...he simply loves to cherish and take care of wwx so much...he's underdeveloped yes but genuinely classics are classics for a reason and he's such a good romance lead in so many ways. Remember when he said farewell to the bunnies 😭 his combination of formality and awkward sweetness can really knock you out if it's done right. And when he's rude to people he doesn't like in a highly formal and polite setting that is super funny. I also think it's funny when he's really bad at social interactions. been there <3 it just rules to have an awkward autistic lonely love interest but who is deeply beloved and fan-popular and fucks

8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I kind of get annoyed at the crass horny jokes about him because I'm like GUYS. that's not our business, he's a really private person! but he's a BL love interest so it's kind of our business and like. I read fic. flipside you don't see this very often anymore but you used to see a lot of ace lwj stuff and that would drive me up a WALL. oh my god the man loves to fuck. he's horny and gay and attracted to his love interest and he loves to fuck. just let it go. find another guy!!! you still see it in the tags and it annoys me a lot...if nothing else wangxian are having crazy sex all the time canonically you know oh and STOP! MAKING! HIM A! BUSINESSMAN!!! I know modern AUs can be hard but there's a way to preserve his social and financial standing AND his association with music AND his reputation for pro bono work. it doesn't even make sense with the themes because lwj is VERY close with his family and never truly rejects them or leaves them, he just rejects their interpretation of their principles and their authority. like he is a cultivator and a musician as is the rest of his family! lxc can schmooze because he was always more of a politician, and lwj's life DID change bc of wwxand having him in his life, but it's not like lwj would have entirely had a cold empty terrible life without wwx showing him the wonders of Other Career Opportunities. he would have always had music and he DID always care about the common people! there's a fic where's he's a lawyer representing trafficked and abused women like his mother...I loved that one. grave goods you will always be famous

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

I'm always so bad at these...don't google 'lan wangji headcanons' btw you get CRAZY results. hmm he has really sensitive earlobes? he has a crazy skin care routine and honestly I think wwx does too bc wwx is also invested in his looks. people always act like wwx washes his face with hand soap but do you remember he was wearing lip gloss after being passed out that one time? he definitely carries eyeliner with him at least. anyway lwj is mildly allergic to several common lotion ingredients to he has to buy extremely expensive brands of toner which wwx makes fun of him for one day when he sees it because he thinks he's being bougie but it's all a misunderstanding bc lwj really is allergic to the cheaper stuff. except lwj doesn't actually need toner bc his face is naturally like that. he's just a rich teenager who's a little vain with too much pocket money <3

22. If you’re a fic reader, what’s something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don’t like?

ohh, I like when they nail the earnestness and intensity in his feelings! like he has this heart-wrenching deep passionate love for wwx and for his mother and he doesn't love many people but he cares so deeply and so thoughtfully and it's really special to read something that captures that and then captures the turmoil of what he DOES about it...like whether he fights the expectations he's grown up with (unstoppable force vs. immovable object) to stand behind wwx, or he defies his own impulses to make sure wwx doesn't even know his feelings and thus doesn't feel indebted to him....he's a delightfully introspective character. I love when they nail lwj pov, but I think I've read more wwx povs where I love having lwj there to Be The Love Interest, just bc it's hard to capture that in a fresh and interesting way, but wwx is much more dynamic and exciting so it's easier to have fun in his head. I think. you can't get too creative with lwj or it starts to feel ooc. I also like when they can work within the narrow field of what's in-character to feel fresh and original tho sometimes in fics lwj wil talk in that very formal, borderline possessive, weirdly disrespectful, I-know-I'm-more-powerful-than-you style that edward from twilight uses on his child bride and that always kills me. please...he is not a conservative immortal vampire he is a 36 year old gay man who loves someone else as an equal and is working to support him after failing him terribly...actually that too. sometimes fic authors pretend like lwj was always perfect and never put orthodoxy before wwx and was never cruel or judgey and that's not true!! the growth matters so much BECAUSE he wasn't perfect! wwx loved him even when he was failing him but he was never perfect!! he doesn't HAVE to have a whole arc about changing in every fic, but I read one that said he was completely normal about strippers as an 18 yr old and I simply do not think that's true I think he was a repressed gay teenager growing up in a conservative and sex-negative household and culture who hadn't unpacked any of that yet and his opinions probably would have reflected that at least a little

thank you vero! I miss him...

now for my blasphemous manga yayyy

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

going to go with priest! I think I'm really enjoying seeing the person priest is kind of...becoming. he went from a suicidally depressed child into a young teenager who's on a quest to save someone he deeply loves. not that he's not still traumatized - a scene in the sloth arc really hit me, and that was when he said you don't stop having those feelings no matter what your life turns into. and that can sound really bleak, but it was him saying, but you live anyway. and that's like, facing reality and living through it. it felt so hopeful to me. I really want to see what kind of person emerges from the wreckage of this arc, after being betrayed by the person he loves the most, after journeying with demons and witches, after learning the person who saved his life is dead by his own hand, after possibly confronting his father. or satan himself? we know he loves baking, that he's kind and self-sacrificial, that he cares about his friends (well, some of them, rip mikhail), but so much of him has been shaped and limited by abuse and violence that I really love seeing him develop his own likes and dislikes in his adolescent life and beyond. like the bunnies....I bet he likes other animals too...

13. What’s an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

omg yess this question. if verge had dante's number you know he'd be texting like 😋🤩🧨😜😈🧙🐖 abt him and his plans and maybe 🌈😬🎭 if he's feeling more passive-aggressive about Their Whole Deal. dante doesn't use emojis he would just try to call him and argue while quickly developing a life-threatening aneurysm but verge is on do not disturb (it's human sacrifice night) and tragically doesn't see his call but he DOES let dante track his IP address to an empty warehouse so in 18 hours they can have another fun little showdown that leaves dante near catatonic with grief

23. Favorite picture of this character?

leah and barbara for this one!

EFFERVESCENT. I wish the artist played around with everyone's outfits more! verge and dante wear basically the same thing every single appearance. but leah and barbara here look COOL

thanks vero!!!