#bc good christ if i could get this one place it would b amazing

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[puppy-phum]

#10YearPromise - pingxie blabberings

bc i wasn’t able to answer these questions throughout the week (as i’ve been traveling around while being extremely busy), i decided to just collect all of my answers under one post! i never tire talking about pingxie so this was extremely enjoyable ♥ am also practicing some very shameless self promo in this so be prepared!

thank you for @laireshi​ for organizing this event (i take it’s you alone? am not sure, sorry for my laziness) and being amazing in general ^^ i won’t be able to join as i am still very busy and summer is always pure chaos for me, so i can only hope that other ppl have fun! if you are not aware of 10 Year Promise Pingxie Exchange, you can find the original announcement post here. join in if you have the time and inspiration ^^ 

and then to my answers which i will be placing under the cut bc i don’t want to flood anyone’s dash with me going bonkers over these two idiots. enjoy tho if you decide to read this :’D ♥

I. What made you ship pingxie?

Back when I got into Reboot bc of ZYL (as has happened to many ppl probably) and then saw stuff about pingxie once I started going through that drama’s tag on tumblr, my first thought about them was that they had to be a crack ship. The way Reboot portrays them as well as their actors and their huuuge age difference affected this a lot, and I was actually cackling at them bc all their moments in Reboot made me just go “oh, socialist brotherhood at its best” in my head. But then I finished watching Reboot’s 1st season (as the 2nd one wasn’t out yet) and started reading some fics. I learned more about them and the canon storyline. I learned how damn devoted they are to each other, and after that, many moments in Reboot gained new meaning in my eyes. So, I think what made me ship pingxie was a mix of Reboot (especially the hallucination moment where Xiaoge dies and Wu Xie loses it bc that’s my jam as I later on became to notice) and then the amazing fics I dug out during that time. After that the love grew stronger as I watched the other dramas, and these days I’m a lost cause. I feel like I spend most of my awake time thinking about these two and their love. They are amazing. I cry rivers for them.

II. Which pingxie version is your favorite?

After finding pingxie, I fell in love with them properly during TLT2. There is just something about that stage of their relationship for me, the stage where both of them are still very tentative about everything but they have deep down accepted that they’re tied now. Wu Xie is figuring out so many things, coming to terms with being betrayed by his uncle and slowly realizing that something bigger is going on behind the scenes. Meanwhile, Xiaoge is learning how to trust Wu Xie and how to accept that he cannot leave this naïve boy behind. It feels very fragile, and I have so many emotions about TLT2 bc of this. Xiaoge is so soft and feels very multilayered. Wu Xie is still his naïve self but is slowly gaining some sharper edges as he comes to face the cruel world. I like how Cheng Yi and Hou Minghao have portrayed this dynamic. Also, TLT2 is just very extra with all the pingxie scenes, who would be able to resist loving them? So, I have to admit that my favorite pingxie is these two, tho Ultimate Note comes very, very close.

III. What’s your favorite pingxie headcanon?

Headcanons are a bit hard for me as I don’t know enough of the canon. I have not read the novels so most of the story I’ve just patched together from all the bits I’ve read from somewhere (here, on twt, in fics) and through the scenes the dramas have shown me. I feel like the whole world is lowkey made of headcanons for me :’D But hmm, my favorite pingxie headcanon… I’d say there are two and then one bonus bc it’s more a Wu Xie related headcanon than just pingxie. The first one is that the pingxie confession happens after the Bronze Gate. It feels like the only moment when they’re both ready for such a thing. I’d say Xiaoge comes to realize his own feelings a lot earlier and he might tell something to unconscious Wu Xie before leaving for ten years, but he will not actually leave Wu Xie with such a burden. He doesn’t want to ask anything when it sounds like he doesn’t even believe that Wu Xie will be willing to wait for him, and I’d say that for him, his feelings are going to be fine even if Wu Xie never learns about them. He might even wish that Wu Xie never learns about them bc he’s not able to promise much as an immortal and amnesiac being (he outlives Wu Xie, most likely forgets him). For Wu Xie however, I’d say he needs time. He really is way too naïve and I’d say that he needs those ten years to realize that he’s in love with his best friend. I dunno who confesses first after Xiaoge returns but I think that only after that decade their relationship is “mature” enough to hold the weight of a confession (even if I also love to play around with the thought of them getting together during the events of Ultimate Note bc that drama offered many good chances for that). Another headcanon for me is that Xiaoge will find a way to die when Wu Xie does. After learning about them more, I feel like Reboot implies this too. Xiaoge is very accepting of Wu Xie’s death but in the last moments, when he really thinks that this is going to be it for Wu Xie, he hesitates. We see a spark of desperation there, and I’ve come to think that his initial plan, the plan he came up with once he got that call from Wu Xie and knew he would join Wu Xie on his last adventure, was to see this through for Wu Xie’s sake and then leave and die alone. I don’t know how much there would be left for Zhang Qiling after Wu Xie is gone. I feel like this is also what Wu Xie fears. But would he really resent Xiaoge for joining him in death after living such a long and hard life? I’d say no and I’d say that even Pangzi accepts this as one of the most likely outcomes. The bonus one then feels very personal to me. I don’t usually talk about this bc I feel so unsure of even mentioning this but I’ve seen others with similar thoughts so am sharing! I’ve never before gotten any vibes about a character’s sexuality in a drama I’ve watched but Reboot Wu Xie looked at me once in the eye and all I could hear was my brain yelling “asexual”. So, that is just my personal headcanon for Wu Xie. He’s ace and proud of it. He can flirt etc. but sex makes him go naah. He doesn’t need it or want it. He can appreciate beauty and hot ppl without wanting to sleep with them and I think his relationship with Xiaoge fits very well into this. I don’t have any personal experiences with being ace but I feel like Wu Xie has read the name once, shrugged and gone, “guess that’s me” and continued on with his life. He’s badass like that and I love him for it. (take a very relevant meme lol from this post)

IV. What’s the ideal pingxie date?

Ah, christ. I dunno if I’ve ever thought about them going on a date? In the middle of tomb raiding, hospital trips and fighting against powers bigger than themselves, I’ve rarely seen any time for them to do something like that lol. But after Ultimate Note, I’ve thought about star gazing a lot. Just them, the infinite night sky and some lonely hilltop. They would probably take a blanket with them, huddle together and talk about things in hushed voices. Wu Xie would go on a ramble about all the constellations and their meanings and mythology behind them and Xiaoge would just nod at him and watch Wu Xie talking. Maybe he would offer some tidbits in the middle of the rambling, making Wu Xie smile brightly. It would be relaxing and comfortable and loving. They would make out a lil bit. Would maybe lie down and play with each other’s hair. All their worries would feel insignificant. Wu Xie would fall asleep for a moment and Xiaoge would wake him up with a kiss to get him moving again so that they don’t need to sleep on the cold ground. They would return home and drink something warm and then go to sleep, cuddled together and happy. relevant edit x

V. What’s your favorite pingxie getting together scenario?

I guess I already talked about this a bit but let me elaborate then! As said, I’d see it happening after the Bronze Gate. I am not sure if it would be right away (they’re both going through so much trauma at that point) or if it would happen after Reboot (maybe we would still need Wu Xie almost dying for them to get their shit together), but I’d say it happens in a rush either way. It’s one of those “I have to tell you something before it’s too late” -type of moments. Or one of those “Bc I love you, you idiot!” -type of moments. I feel like I keep thinking that maybe Wu Xie would have to confess first bc as said, Xiaoge wouldn’t like to burden Wu Xie with his feelings when there’s so little he can give in the sense of normalcy. But then again, I have written a oneshot where Xiaoge is the first one to confess and that always feels better for me. That at some point Xiaoge feels secure enough to tell Wu Xie about his own feelings. That he feels confident and comfortable enough to say it out loud while still expecting nothing in return bc he knows that Wu Xie won’t abandon him either way. But no matter how that happens, I always see it as this dam breaking. The emotions finally become too strong. Something happens that reminds them that life is too short. Something happens that makes them finally talk it out and ah, Pangzi can finally take a break, what a joy

VI. What’s your favorite pingxie moment?

Every adaptation has its own good moments so let me make a list (like I saw someone else do too):

The Lost Tomb:

Xiaoge rescues Wu Xie from the shibie

Wu Xie worrying over unconscious Xiaoge plus taking care of him in the hotel room

The Pingxie MomentTM aka Xiaoge saving Wu Xie from falling and then cradling the boy to his chest while thumb rubbing his shoulder

The Lost Tomb 2:

Xiaoge revealed to be Baldie and Wu Xie yelling at him about it

Lowkey the whole underwater tomb arc bc holy shit that’s gay

Wu Xie losing it when Xiaoge doesn’t come up from the underwater tomb, diving after him and then almost dying himself + Pangzi getting angry at him for being stupid

pingxie ft. magical skype in the bronze tree cave (and Xiaoge being emo about the 1000yo warrior guy right before that)

Xiaoge rescuing Wu Xie from drowning (they shared air, you cannot convince me otherwise) + Wu Xie giving Xiaoge his watch in the hospital (relevant edits x x)

Wu Xie’s face when he sees Zhang Buxun in the coffin bc I love pain :)

Xiaoge not shooting Wu Xie despite not remembering him in the mountain village

Wu Xie grabbing Xiaoge’s jacket after being kidnapped and the Iron Triangle reunites in that old Chen guy’s cabin, asking, “Is that you?” from Xiaoge to make sure that he remembers again while looking like the biggest puppy (relevant edit x)

also some relevant memes x

Ultimate Note:

The hand over mouth reunion in the Golmud Sanatorium

“Xiaoge will ignore anyone else but you”

Xiaoge pretending he isn’t Losing ItTM throughout the whole time Wu Xie is in the Devil’s City with A-Ning

more hand over mouth with the gigantic snake

“The goddess has ascended”

Wu Xie protecting Xiaoge after he returns from the jade meteorite 

“Do you remember me?” “Wu Xie.”

Wu Xie promising to help Xiaoge find his memories no matter what bc Xiaoge’s business is Wu Xie’s business 

“Maybe you can return home with a wife today.” Wu Xie: proceeds to stare at Xiaoge, horrified

“Take me home.”

The sword gifting scene (especially Xiaoge denying the possibility of him killing Wu Xie or them harming each other, relevant edits x x)

other relevant edits for ultimate note x x

Reboot:

Wu Xie telling Xiaoge about his sickness and then Xiaoge coming back and promising to join Wu Xie on his trip (relevant edit x)

the death hallucination bc am a masochist 

Wu Xie’s death dream where Xiaoge calls to him but then accepts his choice to move forward bc am a masochist pt. 2

pingxie reunion in the Thunder City forest where Xiaoge saves Wu Xie & co. from the poisonous gas 

the moment in Thunder City where Wu Xie sits outside at night, eating the peanuts Pangzi gave him and then notices Xiaoge, offering him the peanuts and smiling 

when Xiaoge leaves for the last time and then gets reunited with healed Wu Xie against all odds

the train scene and their softest smiles to each other  

Time Raiders:

Wu Xie being the best bean and just wanting to befriend this mysterious man while seeing right under his skin and making Xiaoge baffled and fall in love in approximately 0.5 seconds

Xiaoge, catch! *proceeds to save only Wu Xie when they fall into that shibie horror chamber*  

Xiaoge’s desperation to save Wu Xie from the crumbling ground 

their death waltz at the end of the movie plus Xiaoge’s sacrifice

+ Sand Sea: 

“Don’t you dare call him Xiaoge!” 

Wu Xie offering his friends and then himself as comfort to Li Cu when he’s scared while smiling very softly at the memory of Xiaoge 

“But isn’t his surname Wu?” Hei Xiazi: You have seen nothing yet, you sweet summer child

Wu Xie talking about Xiaoge’s past in the temple (aka the Tibetan Sea Flower story bc I just adore how pretty they’ve made those scenes) 

VII. What is the best gift Wu Xie and Xiaoge could give each other?

I haven’t really thought about this type of stuff either bc we have already seen a ton of gifts being exchanged! I love the watch Wu Xie gives to Xiaoge in TLT2 as mentioned (it’s so silly but also so sweet) and I love it that Wu Xie gifts Xiaoge with a new sword in Ultimate Note. Also, I feel like I can count the food Wu Xie leaves for Xiaoge in Ultimate Note and that one moment where Xiaoge offers his knife for Wu Xie as a “pen”. They would give anything for each other as long as the other asked (which they never do) so I dunno what type of gift would matter the most. As it’s so hard to say, let me talk about one more headcanon that I’ve been thinking about ever since the infamous Bazaar photoshoot for Ultimate Note/XYL & ZSX. So, we see them having matching rings and necklaces in that photoshoot. I think jewelry would be kind of difficult for Xiaoge to wear when he needs to fight, as jewelry could be a hindrance in that type of situation But my brain won’t shut up about “pingxie married!!!” when I ask this question from it. To be honest, I do not see pingxie getting married in the traditional sense. They don’t need something like that after everything they’ve gone through. But I like to play around with the thought of promise rings. Just them exchanging rings for fun, for their own sakes, to have something concrete that reminds them of their promise to each other and of their feelings. Maybe even Xiaoge could wear that ring under his gloves idk. But am a sucker for that thought so my answer to this is then simply: a ring. relevant edits x x

if you read this far, thank you so much! I hope this gave you something and thank you once more for organizing this and allowing everyone to share their love for pingxie ^^ ♥

[askthetotallynotsquad]

Boardwalk bros?

Ali: ya know it's okay so sure :3

-----

Rich: *being calm and stuff and watching egg clam close to home*

Jeremy: Rich what the hell are you doing?

Rich: *sniffles bc it's s a d and he's c r y i n g* watching egg clam close to home-

Jeremy: *sits next to the Rich and hugs him bc they’re all dating??* it’s okay dude

Rich: *hugs the dolphin back* ThE nONMySTErIOus gUy WaS sO meAn aNd nOW hE'tH nICe (not the real plot of sffh- duh)

Jeremy: Rich calm down- it’s okay, isn’t it good that he’s nice?

Rich: weLL- yeah I geuth *calms up*

Jeremy: *holds the Tich bc hes v small*

Tich: I'm v small

Rich: ew go a singular way tich

tich: *:(* okayyy... *goes a singular way*

Jeremy: I- *cuddles the RICH* (idk how to feel typing this)

Rich: *cuddles the JEREMY*

Jeremy: oh my god you are so small it’s amazing

Rich: well

Jeremy: *kisses the Rich* (THIS FEELS WEIRD TO WRITE- but uh- here Jeremy x Rich shippers-)

Rich: *kisses the Jeremy* (I could care less so um \('_')/)

Jeremy: *puts a blanket over the Rich* sleeppppp- you be been crying too much

Rich: *sleeppppps*

Jeremy: *is still holding the Rich bc that’s what people do when they’re dating??* hhh *is playing with the Rich’s hair*

Rich: *slep*

Thunder: hello y’all

Storm: YEEHAW

Rich: *is spooked :0*

Jeremy: *falls off the couch* OW-

Rich: *becomes a caterpillar because he makes a cocoon with the blankets :))))))))) <this is clearly a CATERPILLAR not a WoRm*

Jeremy: richie, what are you doing-

Rich: I am a c a t e r p i l l a r

Jeremy: a cute one

Rich: *:0* all pillarth are cute

Jeremy: you’re the cutest one * boop*

Rich: e

Jeremy: I’ll be right back *kiss owo*

-when Jermey comes back-

Jeremy: Rich...what are you wearing-

Rich: *epically wearing a crop top*

Jeremy: *v v v red* w-why-

Rich: becauthe I feel like it

Jeremy: wait- where did you get that-

Rich: the children's place

Jeremy: oh my god Rich- *picks up the rich*

Rich: *epically is a crop top god*

Jeremy: I don’t know how Michael and Jake will feel about this Rich

Rich: *puts on some epic sunglasses that are way to big for him* I could care less what they think *finger guns*

Jeremy: wow- hey those are my sunglasses-

Rich: overly too bad for you

Jeremy: oh well *puts the Rich down on the Jerems bed??* slep

Rich: no

Jeremy: yesssss *turns off the lights and puts the fairy lights on*

Rich: where is cat *:(*

Jeremy: nononono don’t be sad b- I’ll go get him! *runs downstairs*

Rich: *:((*

Jeremy: *comes back with the cat and sits on the bed* here you go Richh

Rich: *feeds cat a goldfish* here you go babyyyy boiii *uwu pats cat*

Jeremy: aweee *puts his arm around the rich*

-latar-

Rich: *asleep holding cat who is also alseep In his hands uwu*

Cat: *bein heccin ADORABLE*

Jeremy: *fell asleep like on Rich*

Later: cat the whale

Cat: *licks rich's face*

Rich: huhh- *awakens* aweeee hi catt *:3*

Cat: *uwu*

Jeremy: *asleep with his head in Rich’s lap-*

Rich: *slowly gets up and goes outside to play with cat*

Jeremy: *awaken and puts on the Jakey D’s sweatshirt bc he can and walks outside*

Rich: *playing with the epic tiny whale*

Cat: *epically happy*

Jeremy: this is too adorable *takes a picture on his Polaroid bc aesthetic*

Rich: *doot gives cat a goldfish* good boy cat!!

Cat: *I n h a l e*

Jermey: Richie come hereeee

Micheal: *walks in the Jake bc they were being tops somewhere else 😎* Tf is Richie doing??? *confusion*

Jeremy: he’s being adorable with cat *still wearing the Jakey D’s sweatshirt*

Jake: nah b- I think you’re the adorable one right now *wraps his arm around the Micheal??? Sure??? Idk I’m not Micheal-*

Jeremy: Jake- I don’t think you’re getting this sweatshirt back anytime soon

Jake: eh- I’ll just steal Micah’s then

Micheal: why is it always my stuff!? *:(*

Jeremy: don’t be sad!! *hugs the michael*

Jake: *hugs both of them bc why not*

Jeremy: awe I love you guys

Micheal: Well what if I love you guys more?

Jake: Well what if I love you guys the most-?Richie! Come here!

Jeremy: Jake stooooop *leans on the jake*

Jake: noooooo *kisses his head?? Ok*

Jeremy: *hugs the Jake???*

Micheal: Did Richie die or something???? Richhhhhhhhhh

Jeremy: he probably took Cat on a walk, it’s okay

Rich: *teehee made a plan with cat so um yeah whispers* 3.. 2.. 1

Cat: *pretend bites rich's neck so it looks like he died*

Rich: AHHHHHHHHHhhhhh *pretend dies uwu*

Jeremy: OH JESUS CHRIST RICH *epically runs to the rich*

Rich: *even has fake blood and stuff cause he's really good at these kinds of things*

Jeremy: CAT WHAT THE HELL?? Rich come on..wake up..*actually sobbing bc hes v v v sensitive*

Rich: *gets up* YOU'VE JUST WALKED THE PRANK THIS IS A HIDDEN CAMERA SHOW THERE'S CAMERAS UH- *points to his phone* THERE!! *proud of himself :D*

Cat: *dances*

Jeremy: RICHARD GORANSKI YOU SCARED ME HAVE TO DEATH! NO- TO DEATH! JESUS CHRIST *hugs the short man*

Rich: *hugs the jerem* teEhEE

Jeremy: *picks up the Rich*

Rich: ew heighth *clings onto Jeremy:0*

Jeremy: you’re only 6 feet off the ground- it’s okay babe

Rich: b u t th t i l l

Jeremy: *sits on the grass still holding le Rich* what about now?

Rich: better thank you very much

Jeremy: *le kiss* you’re welcome

Rich: so how do you feel about me being in a crop top *epic gaymer*

Jeremy: not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot

Rich: *blushy boye eek* i-i didn't expect you t-to thay that-

Ali: (bicycles- horray-?)

Jeremy: you asked me so I’m speaking the truth *kiss owo*

Rich: *kiss uwu*

Jeremy: kinky

Rich: you don't even know *;)*

Ali: (I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry)

Jeremy: *big blush boye* oh?

Rich: teahee

Jeremy: *picks up le Rich and walks inside* cuddles and movie- pleaseeee

Rich: y o th *snatches a blanket*

Jeremy: *puts le Rich down on le couch*

Rich: I mutht siat on your epic lap

Jeremy: go ahead *turns le tv on*

Rich: *sits on Jeremy's lap :0*

Jeremy: *wraps his arms around le Rich’s waist*

Rich: *epically puts on heathers but genderswap* love thith movie

Jeremy: you and your little heathers obsession

Rich: it'th a good movie okay?!

- latar -

Rich: *epically starts freaking out when jd explodes herself bc the fire and stuff*

Jeremy: you okay Rich?

Rich: mhmm *clearly not fine bc he's c r y i n g*

Jeremy: *turns le Rich around bc hes still in the jerems lap??* is it because of the fire..?

Rich: no I'm f-fine *still crying oh my orange juice*

Jeremy: *hugs le Rich* Rich, everything is okay now..

Rich: iM fINE *pushes germ (Jeremy) off him on my sticky cricket*

Jeremy: Rich, you’re crying-

Rich: no I'm n-not im fine. *turns away from Jeremy Oh my crunchy lightbulb*

Jeremy: Rich come on, we’ve all seen you cry before, we don’t like seeing you sad and you can talk to us-

Rich: *turns back to germ* WELL I DONT WANT YOU GUYTH TO THEE ME AS A CRY BB! *>:(* *runs off Oh my syrupy peacock*

Jeremy: Rich- we would never see or call you a crybaby-

Rich: *runs to his room shook door* ( he's way too dramatic and I don't care )

Jeremy: *knocks on the door* c’mon Rich..we don’t see you as a crybaby- you have emotions, it’s normal. And besides we know how fire makes you feel, it’s okay now, it’s all over, Jakes fine, Michael’s fine, I’m fine and you survived

Rich: I with I didn't-

Jeremy: Rich don’t say that..I love you..

Rich: that'th kinda gay-

Jeremy: rich just- open the door- I NEED to hug you

Rich: id rather not tho-

Jeremy: I know you’ll be looking for attention later then

Rich: try me! *>:)*

Jeremy: okay bye! *walks downstairs*

Later: eek

Rich: *walks downstairs* jeremyyyyy

Jeremy: *playing Minecraft* Rich it’s 2 in the morning what’s wrong?

Rich: I want h u g th

Jeremy: Rich what did I tell you earlier- shouldn’t you be sleeping?

Rich: n o. Altho I can't thleep with all the noitheth coming from Jake'th room

Jeremy: you can sleep in my room if you want *keeps playing Minecraft* they’re at it again, aren’t they?

Rich: I think-? I don't know. C u d d l e m e *sits down and wraps his arms around the jerem*

Jeremy: *puts his arm around le Rich* go to sleep shortie

Like 5 minutes Later: crunchy lightbulb

Rich: *asleep :0*

Jeremy: knew it *picks up le Rich and puts him in his room, down on his bed* (he put him in Jeremy’s room because he couldn’t sleep in his own)

Rich: *leeches onto a pillow* (cause that's what I do and if I'm rich then I geuss he does it too?? Idk)

Jeremy: *lays down next to le Rich bc they be dating*

Rich: *leeches onto Jeremy*

Jeremy: night Rich *le sleep*

Latar

Rich: *wakes up and makes chocolate chip pancakes cause they taste g o o d*

Jeremy: *walks into the kitchen half awake* Rich what are you doing-

Rich: making chocolate chip pancakes! *:D*

Jeremy: be carful- *yells as he’s walking upstairs* don’t hurt yourself!

-latar-

Rich: *made pancakes and walks upstairs* Jeremyyyyyy I have pancakessss *:)))*

Jeremy: ooooo! I bet they taste amazing babe!

Rich: *sksksksksk gives the pan* heere

Jeremy: *v long kiss* thank youuuuu

Rich: *surfer voice* no problemo my radical dude *surfer stuff*

Jeremy: *picks up me rich* stop being so cute!!

Rich: *angeri* I'm nOT cute!!

Jeremy: I don’t want to fight with you right now- you’re adorable *kiss*

Rich: *v v v long kiss uwu*

Jeremy: wow Richie getting feisty *smirk teehee*

Rich: *red boye eek*

Jeremy: *picks him up, v v v long kiss*

Rich: *even redder boye but v v v long kiss*

Jeremy: *makes out with thy Rich oops*

Rich: *sister shook*

Jeremy: Rich- you have a um- *coughs* B O N E R

Rich: oH *voicecracks* uM *hides under a blanket* tHAth fUn-

Jeremy: wow, I never knew I was that hot

Rich: have you looked in the mirror?

Jeremy: *sits on thu bed* you’re the hot one Goranski

Rich: *sticks his head out from under the blanket* what do you mean, I'm alwayth cold- *smirks :0*

Jeremy: oh my god stop *cuddles thy Rich*

Rich: *tries to escape from thy jerem* Can i have pancaketh nowwww

Jeremy: yes shortie *smiles at thy rich*

Rich: *inhales his pancakes because why would he eat Jeremy's?* y u m

Jeremy: why don’t you eat me like that

Rich: *almost falls over* wHAT- *blushing mess*

Jeremy: *in tears laughing* YOU’RE SO RED-

Rich: wELL-!

Jeremy: *rolling on the floor* OH MY GOD RICH!!

Rich: *jwj*

Jeremy: awe I’m sowwy Richieee

Rich: pft- what wath that?!

Ava: (that was possession)

Jeremy: what was what? Did I dot something wronggggg

Rich: *kiss uwu* nope!

Jeremy: yes

Rich: whyyy

Jeremy: because I'm a bad boyfriend

Rich: why would you thay that-

Jeremy: I don't give you enough affectionnnnnnn

Rich: then give me affection-

Jeremy: *jumps on thy rich*

Rich: thith youre warm

Jeremy: why thank you

Rich: eek *$qúïřmş*

Jeremy: stop moving I want loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Rich: *stops $qúïřmīñ*

Jeremy: hihihuhhdghegdb * h u g *

Rich: * g u h *

Jeremy: *:0*

Rich: *e m o r j y h t s e s s i k*

Jeremy: *kissesthyrich*

Rich: *kissesthyjeromebutitskissier*

Jeremy: are you trying to make out with me, again?

Rich: n o o o o o :o

Jeremy: lies

Rich: but do you want to make out with me again ith the quethtion

Jeremy: that's your own choice

Rich: *????*

Jeremy: you can if you want- *big blush man*

Rich: *skskskskkkskksksksks idk man*

Jeremy: wait- Rich, are you a vsco girl

Rich: ew no *makes out with thy germ*

Rich: *becomes hotter every seconday*

Jeremy: oh!-

Rich: *uwo*

Jeremy: you're a good kisser goranski *kiss owo*

Rich: *red bi* uno reverthe card *kiss uwuwu*

Jeremy: me? A good kisser? Oh please

Rich: oh reallyyyy? why would I kith you if you were a bad kither?

Jeremy: i- um- *v v v v v v red*

Rich: *;)))))))))*

Jeremy: *BIG BLUSH MAN*

Rich: *giggles* jeremy- um- you realize I'm on top of you right-?

[white-noise-fiction]

One And Only

A/n: Hey, long time no post right? Anyways this is something I wrote while I was at school today. I know I’ve never posted AHS before but all the fanfiction I find for this fandom is lame so I made my own. I’m trying to ease back into writing by doing shit that I want to so hope you guys understand and enjoy. Also, don't @ me about romanticism or whatever bc I literally don’t fucking care and I write what I want to bye XX

To say we were different was an understatement. She was beautiful and pure, like daisies a meadow. But I was dark and aggressive, like the storm that came to wash away the sanctuary. I loved her, I longed for her, she was all that I wanted in life. She wasn't like any other girl that walked the halls of this shit-hole of a high school. Y/n was always so nice to everyone. She was popular, but down to earth at the same time. The fact that she ever gave me the time of day blew my mind.

We'd lock eyes while walking down the hall. She'd smile at me and wave as she walked with her friends. I'd always smile and look down at my feet, unable to look her in the eyes for too long. It went on like that for weeks until I finally got the courage to talk to her. She was standing at her locker, pulling a book out of her backpack. I walked up to her slowly, tapping her shoulder gently. She turned around to face me, eyes lighting up as she realized who she was looking at.

“Tate,” She spoke softly. Her red coated lips were contorted into a smile. “What's up?” She asked. I swallowed hard, feeling my cheeks flare up as a wave of anxiety flushed over me.

“I, um, well,” I stuttered, rubbing the back of my head as I tried to find the words I needed. “Would you like to go out with me?” I blurted out. She raised her brow slightly which didn't ease my panic.

“Awe, of course, I would.” She was so cheery, which was the exact opposite of what I had intended.

“Holy shit. Alright. I'll pick you up tomorrow night at seven.” I said while exhaling a laugh. She smiled and nodded before kicking her locker closed.

“It's a date.”

-

Months went by and we did everything that normal couples did. We'd go on dates, we'd make out in the movie theater, we'd even go on midnight drives on Saturdays. The only thing we hadn't done, was fuck. Which I was cool with, I didn't want to rush her, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want her. I thought about it every time we were together, but she never said anything, so neither did I.

Then one day it was like a switch was flipped inside of her. She walked up to me in the library. She had my Nirvana t-shirt on with a blue flannel and jeans. She looks so good, I bit my lip just thinking about skipping class to take her home.

“Tate.” She said in a tone of voice I'd never heard from her. She closed the book I was reading before looking around to see if anyone was around. She leaned in and cupped her hand around my ear before speaking. “Meet me in here during sixth period. Don't be late.” She sunk her teeth into my earlobe briefly, but it still sent chills down my spine. I just watched her, dumbstruck as she walked away. By the time I realized my jaw was hanging open, she was gone.

A few hours went by and it was finally time for me to meet up with her. I walked into the library which was dark now. It wasn't unusual seeing as how the library always closed early on Friday. Y/n was the only volunteer for this period so I knew she was around here somewhere.

“Y/n!” I called out.

“Over here!” She said. I could tell she was over in the poetry section. She always sat over there to read and rearrange the Emily Dickinson books. I walked up to the aisle, squatting down when I got to her. She placed the book in her hands into its correct space before turning to me. “I'm ready for you Tate.” She was so straightforward, it took me off guard. Even with minimal context, I knew what she meant. I just didn't know why.

“B-but Y/n,” I started, trying to laugh off my surprise. “Why here why now? I mean don't get me wrong… I think about it a lot, like maybe too much. But I'm confused…” I trailed, furring my brows slightly before looking down at her. She just smiled. As if a smile was all it took to answer my questions.

“Because I love this place, Tate… but not as much as I love you. I always feel so… safe in here!” She said, throwing up her arms to gesture to the towering bookcases that shielded us from the rest of the room. “I always feel so safe with you. I trust you.” She said while reaching to grab my hand.

Those words made heart drop into the pit of my stomach, but I held her hand anyway. I was gonna give her what she wanted. “I'll be gentle, I promise.” I murmured while leaning in to place my chapped pink lips over her soft red coated ones. She hummed softly as I slithered my tongue between her lips, rolling it over hers slowly. My hand slid up her back until my fingers were intertwined with her beautiful hair. I tugged it gently, just the way she liked. She let out a soft moan as my lips pecked hers before migrating towards her neck. I left butterfly kisses down to her soft spot. I always knew when I was there because she'd clutch my arm and bite her lip.

“T-Tate.” She groaned softly as I wrapped my lips around her warm flesh. I hummed softly before starting to suck on the area. “Fuck.” She whimpered, obviously trying to control her voice. My hands moved up to her shoulders, pushing the flannel down her arms and onto the floor. I sunk my teeth into her neck, causing her to hiss. Her hands were not on my belt buckle, struggle to pull it open. She was more eager than I'd anticipated, but I liked it. Pulled away while licking my lips, gazing at my artwork on the canvas that was her neck. A deep purple and blue bruise with slight yellow and blue undertones. It was like some galaxy bullshit you'd see in a science textbook.

She reached down to pull her top from her body, dropping it on the floor next to her flannel. She didn't have a bra on and I couldn't stop myself from looking at her chest. “Touch me, Tate.” She whispered while grabbing my wrist. Y/n brought my hand to her breast, letting my squeeze and bounce as she watched my expressions.

“Fuck, Y/n. You're perfect.” I mumbled under my breath before meeting eyes with her again. She giggled slightly before leaning in to place her lips on my neck. I shuttered upon contact, letting my eyes flutter shut moments later. She left hot open mouthed kisses up to my jaw, snaking her hand into the bottom on my t-shirt as she did so. “Holy shit,” I groaned, placing my hand on the small of her back to bring her closer.

“Fuck me, Tate.” She mumbled against my skin. I nodded my head rapidly reaching down to pull my shirt off. I tossed it on top of hers before laying down on the floor, using my elbows for support. She crawled onto my lap, straddling me as I placed my hands on her waist. She smiled as she hiked her mini skirt up, pulling her panties down hastily. I bit my lip watching as she placed them on top of m shirt.  

“Did you mean it when you said you felt safe around me?” I asked as she tugged my jeans down with my boxer. She nodded her head before looking down at me.

“Of course I do. I know you'd never hurt me.” She said so confidently. I smiled at her. She was so sweet and naive, but that's what I loved about her. The ignorance of innocence. “That's why I want you to be my first…”

“I wanna be your only, Y/n,” I said seriously. She bit her lip and nodded her head. I knew she knew what I meant by that. I leaned back against the bookcase as she took my dick in her hands. She gave it a few half-hearted pumps before raising her hip upward. I help her skirt up with one hand so we could see what she was doing. She slowly slid down, face contorted in a mixture of pain and pleasure. I knew the only reason she took the whole thing at once was cause she was eager to please me. I placed my spare hand on her hip for guidance. “F-fuck, you're doing great baby.” I groaned, trying to keep my composure as best as I could.

She placed both her hands on my shoulders, slowly starting to roll her hips against mine. Her lips were parted as she let her eyes flutter shut. She let her head fall back slightly as all the remaining pain turned to ecstasy. “Tate, oh my god.” She cried out, starting to pick up the pace a bit. “H-hold my hand.” She stuttered while holding her hand up. I took her hand in my own, squeezing it tightly.

“Don't stop, baby. You're taking my dick so well.” I said, trying to encourage her. I knew by the way she groaned that she was into my dirty talk. “My little slut, yeah? Not so innocent after all.” I said under my breath.

“Jesus Christ!” She squealed, rolling her hips faster. I couldn't help but buck my hips up to meet hers. She gasped rapidly, closing her eyes tightly.

“Ohh you like that?” I asked, bucking my hips up harder. “Like when I fuck your tight little cunt like that? I know you do princess.” I growled. She shivered against my body, doing her best to keep up with my rhythm. “I've wanted to do this for so long, Y/n. You don't even fucking know!” I grunted, bucking my hips harder with each word.

“Tate!” She screamed. “I can't, I'm-” I hushed her abruptly.

“I know Y/n, me too. Just wait a second. Wait till I say.” I ordered her. She nodded her head waiting for my say so. I knew she burning up inside, her face gave her away. I bucked my hips a few more times before clenching my eyes shut. “Fuck! Now now now!” I chanted, cumming hard inside of her. She whimpered softly cumming just as harshly as I did. I was breathless. All I could feel was my heart pounding out of my chest and her fingertips tracing hearts into my pale shoulders. “That was amazing, Y/n.”

“I love you so much, Tate.” She mumbled.

“I love you too.”

That next Monday rolled around and I just couldn't take it anymore. Nobody truly knows what it's like until they're in that position. Walking down the halls, taking out everyone that ever tried to take you out. Shooting them in the back with perfect aim as if they had targets on their backs. My boots squeaked against the tile floor as the fluorescent lights flickered overhead. I roamed the halls looking for my next victim, already had taken my vendetta out on the people who I hated the most. Now I wanted to have fun. I reloaded my gun before kicking open the door of the library. One by one I took out kids who begged for their lives. Begged for their lives after raising hell in mine. A cheerleader, a bad boy, a nerd, a jock, a goth. But even after killing them, I knew someone else was here. The grand prize target. My love. My life. Y/n.

“Don't hide from me, my love,” I said while reloading. “What happened to trusting me? Don't you still trust me, Y/n?” I asked while pacing towards the poetry section. She screamed and backed herself against the wall, covering her face with her hands. “Tate! Please! Please don't do this. You don't have to do this! I love you, Tate!”

I tilted my head as if I were a confused puppy. “I love you too Y/n. But you don't understand. I can't let anyone else hurt you. I can't let anyone have you. So I'm gonna make sure that I'm your only, okay?” I said while raising the gun to her.

“Tate please!” She screamed out, pulling her hands away from her face to look me in the eyes. Her eyes were so full of fear. I didn't see any love anymore. I shook my head slightly before shooting her in the stomach. She gasped as the shock overcame the pain. The placed her hands over the bloody wound. I knelt down in front of her, dropping the gun as I tucked her hair behind her ear.

“I'll see you soon beautiful.” I murmured before pecking her lips softly. “My one and only.”

[uniformbravo]

bloop heres a post abt my 3-day trip to san diego B)

this was just gonna be a list of highlights but i ended up talking about a lot so it’s more like a Kind Of The Highlights But I Got A Little Carried Away list

it was a 2 hr drive so i put on some tunes & forced everyone in the car to listen to my thousands of anime ops and piano covers it was *fire emoji* (im not on mobile)

at the end jaelin said she couldn’t hear it the whole time rip

made myself carsick looking at mob psycho memes while we looked for a parking spot at the museum for 20 minutes (it was worth it they were good memes)

the museum we went to had a whole gaming thing going on where they just had a shitload of games out for ppl to play & one of them was just dance projected onto like an entire wall basically & i mean i didnt play but it was fun watching my mom try her best 

she played against two of my sisters who both beat her by more than double her score hgdhgksd bye mom

got a nauseating headache in the science museum & took the opportunity to sit down & look at more mob psycho memes for 35 minutes while the advil kicked in

felt better by the time we went to see this fuckin movie about national parks in the us but idk it was like. the whole reason my mom wanted to go to san diego was to see this movie bc they were getting rid of it soon & after seeing it i can see why they’re taking it out kjgkdjgksd like!!! it would’ve been cool if it told u shit about the parks like fauna and flora shit but it had this dumb little narrative abt these three campers traveling to each park & fucking around & i looked over at jaelin at one point & she was asleep & i was like same

im being too hard on it, it was kind of interesting to watch and had some cool visuals but the acting was pretty embarrassing & unnecessary, i wish it would’ve tried to be a documentary instead of entertaining. that’s my Professional Review of this random movie they’re removing forever soon, hope u enjoyed

realized i had more free time at the hotel than i thought i would & v heavily regretted not bringing my tablet to draw aaaaaahhhhh it was ok tho bc i brought my big sketchbook so i just drew in there B)

i’ve been drawing a lot of terukis i think i accidentally discovered a hidden love for him on the midnight shores of the san diego bay

(what i actually discovered is that he’s v easy to project a rly specific part of myself onto hgkdgksdjkgjsdk)

rented bikes to ride by the bay & it was super fun bc i havent ridden a bike in a long time but like. the second half started getting really hard for me & i thought i was just weak shit bc i literally never exercise but then i realized my back tire had gone flat hfdjghsd my legs were..... so sore

also the seat was shaped weird so my ass was sore for the rest of the trip. it’s still sore tbh. i have a bruised ass

went to a model train museum which was pretty cool bc the little towns had little people & jaelin and i were making up stories for them (my favorite recurring joke was pointing out ppl that had fallen over & calling them dead)

after the trains we made a spur-of-the-moment decision to stay a third day to see more museum shit bc why not so we managed to grab a room at a new hotel and #Locked In our decision

on the way to the second hotel we got a flat tire so i was like convinced i was cursed bc wtf it was literally on the same day???

while we waited for the tire repair i got a pink lemonade from taco bell and it was amazing i can’t believe i ever thought piece of shit sprite was worth even looking at over this

ok so i need to talk about the second hotel we stayed at because it was... literally the fanciest hotel i have ever stayed at in my entire 22 year old life

it was a mariott?? but a fuckin Fancy Mariott ok first of all we were on the 19th floor which just..... what the fuck

floor level was the 6th floor, this bitch went underground (though that might have just been the parking garage idk)

the lobby bathroom was like. jesus christ. to flush the toilet u wave ur hand over a sensor??? what’s wrong with just automatic toilets???? why are these toilets so extra????? i couldn’t even get it to work for so long jgkjdkgsd i hate technology

also there were moist towelettes sitting in a neatly folded pile by the sinks like what even. i thought it was paper towels but then it was wet

the lobby also had this fancy-ass bar/lounge where they served starbucks but u had to have a room key to get in i think

in the elevators to get to the rooms you can’t even enter the floor level until you hold your key card against a sensor like what the fuck..... we had to get some strangers to tell us how to do it gjdks i bet if we hadn’t been able to figure it out the elevator wouldve just dropped us 12 floors to our death like Access Denied, Assholes

the room itself was super fucking cramped tho which makes sense like if im gonna be able to afford anything at a place like this u better believe it’s gonna be the size of a damn peanut. it was the fanciest peanut ive ever seen in my life tho

the view was uhh we were directly across from some tall office building so at night u could like see into all the rooms it was kinda cool but also weird

there was a jar of hershey’s kisses on the coffee table when we got there but it was dark chocolate so like get the fuck outta here with that shit how dare you assault Mine Eyes (i ate like 4)

it rly was a tiny room tho and it didnt help that there were 5 of us rip... like there was a main room and a bedroom and a bathroom and already that’s making it sound bigger than it was hgkdjgskd 

but even tho it was small it had a lot like.. there was a kitchenette that was big enough for like 1 person to stand there but it had a fridge/freezer, sink, dishwasher, toaster, microwave, cupboards & coffeemaker like there was so much shit crammed in there, this wasn’t no minimalist living space it was just. a lot crammed into one tiny floor plan

anyway yeah it was really bizarre for me to be in a place like that & i just constantly felt like i didn’t belong there but that was mostly my anxiety lol i really dont like being in fancy places in general idk. it was still kinda fun tho

the natural history museum was cool, they had a bunch of animal skulls & taxidermy which i thought was pretty neat. all their dinosaur stuff was in the basement tho which u had to pay extra to see which like. bye

they did have some cool movies tho, they were like nature documentaries, one on marine biology around baja california and the other on animals of the galapagos & those were pretty neat, way better than that national parks shit we saw at the science center jgkdjkskdkdjg 

ok so this one’s more of a buildup over the 3 days so im gonna give a lil 3-part summary

day 1: we went to panda express for dinner & i had leftovers so i was like “sweet im saving these for when we get home” (bc the hotel had a fridge right)

day 2: got a rly good burger from a vegan place, my brother got the same one but didnt want his second half so i was like “cool more leftovers im gonna have so much good food when we get home this is perfect”

day 3: fucKIGN LEFT BOTH CONTAINERS IN THE FRIDGE ACCIDENTALLY WHEN WE CHECKED OUT HKDJFLSKDG i was literally so good about it the first two days like when we switched hotels i made sure not to forget them and i held onto them & everything & then halfway through the third day i was like “SHIT”

it’s ok tho bc for dinner that 3rd day we did panda again & i got the same thing so i have the same leftovers again hehehehehe

ok i think that’s basically everything & im not just saying that bc it’s 1:45 am and ive been working on this for like an hour and a half at this point.,.,. overall it was pretty fun, i think i liked the bikes & those animal movies the best... also the drive out bc i got to play my music lmfao (i love sharing my music ok)

anyway the end thank u

[wingheadshellhead]

Hi, I love your blog! So I've been reading a lot of 616 stevetony lately, and I've noticed that in both canon and in a lot of fiction, Steve seems to really dislike Extremis (even before superior iron man). Why do you think that is? Even without looking at this with shipper goggles (which I always am), I think it's really strange that Steve has so much disdain for something that essentially saved one of his best friend's lives.

(THIS HAS TAKEN ME 5 BILLION YEARS BUT HERE IT IS FINALLY)

i used to be in the same boat and automatically assumed steve’s dislike of extremis was one of those fandom headcanon things that was so commonly accepted it’d basically become fact, but it’s really, actually, all 100% canon. but the comics that deal with it happen right before civil war so i think many ppl have simply forgotten or skipped over that part of tony’s timeline.

execute program is the 6-issue arc that comes right after extremis and it’s the main thing i tell everyone they have to read if they’re putting themselves thru the ringer that is 616′s civil war. it is so so important to understanding tony’s headspace and where he’s at before the events of civil war occur. 

READ EXECUTE PROGRAM. a) bc it’s absolutely crucial to tony’s side of civil war, b) the follow-through from the extremis arc is just… amazing, virtuosic. i really genuinely think it is a fascinating, excellently-written arc, c) when it gets gay it gets very gay. truST ME you do not need your shipper goggles for this at all bc guess which of the following things are canon: the sound of steve saying his voice being the only thing that snaps tony out of (likely a dissociative episode) trying to murder a villain that nearly kills peter, dyeing his hair blond when he’s going on the run, tony stopping his heart to save steve’s life. all of them !!! all canon !!!!!! 

extremis is, basically, terrifying. to the average human being, hell even the average superhuman. it’s p much unfathomable the sheer level/magnitude/scope of extremis. extremis allows tony to access and control any piece of technology on earth and even in earth’s atmosphere, he can hear satellites. it’s like having the singularity as a superpower. 

so part 1, iron man vol. 4 #7 (2006), opening issue and we have tony stopping a villain with lethal force, all while counting down the milliseconds and bidding on priceless artefacts.

now, avengers don’t kill. and tony doesn’t, he stops the man’s heart, then restarts it, basically performing defibrillation. 

and then we get this conversation: 

and after tony jets off leaving the new avengers to sort out the aftermath, we get this disturbing reminder:

a proper reread might prove me wrong but i don’t think the writers ever clarify whether this transformation in tony’s personality is due to extremis or outside manipulation (which is the culmination of execute program’s arc as i’ll go into in a bit). but when your brain is literally a machine and you Have Become more machine than human, this is the natural progression of tony’s humanity – the aspects of compassion, empathy, etc. – fading into the background to accomodate for extremis. 

extremis brings out everything about tony that steve (and possibly the world) fears most. it makes him cold and calculating, and with a brain like tony stark’s elevated by the superhuman capacity to think and react at the speed of a machine, he’s unstopppable.

part 2, iron man vol. 4 #8, we have tony nearly straight up burning a man alive for almost killing peter and laughing about it. 

he’s so deep in Destroy Mode that he doesn’t even register steve’s warning, and here i think he acts entirely out of instinct –– like extremis is thinking for him rather than his brain prompting him to do this. 

extremis is also the cause of tension between tony and the newly-formed new avengers (one of my favorite line-ups!!), he almost gets into a fight with logan and jessica has to break them up. it turns out tony is missing time in his memory, which is extremely worrying for someone w/ his level of power…

what’s so fascinating about extremis, and why we have so much to thank warren ellis for (the writer of the extremis arc), is that it is the perfect and the most logical climax of the modern iron man story. tony’s worst villain, as we’ve known since the very beginning really, has never been anyone else but himself. and in the case of extremis, it’s a highly technologically advanced version of himself that can do and be everything he’s ever dreamed of being able to achieve vs. him. 

the question extremis asks is at what cost? at what cost does technological advancement, bleeding-edge breakthroughs, and the spirit of human innovation come at? how far would tony go to become the Ideal version of himself that he sees as superior in every way? what would he sacrifice for that?

extremis represents basically the pinnacle of sci-fi tech in iron man comics, it’s why even god awful superior iron man used a 3.0 version of it as the foundation for tony’s sins. it’s the farthest point he’s ever reached, and it’s also the lowest in terms of the damage and fallout that comes from it. because ofc, tony stark can’t have nice things like this, but also bc the hubris + nature of extremis allowing its host to play god can’t exist without there being negative consequences. really b ad consequences. 

huge respect to danial & charles knauf, the authors of execute program, too, because they find a way to perfectly bring the arc full circle as ellis did with his extremis. the central villain plot revolves around ho yinsen’s son. the kid hacks extremis and uses it to control tony, sending him to subconsciously assassinate a bunch of people on his kill list, i.e. a list of all the men involved in yinsen’s death. i mean like, HOLY SHIT, an iron man plot where a literal ghost from tony’s past – a direct victim of events tony was involved in, the son of the man that sacrificed his life so iron man could be born and so tony stark could live – shows up, weaponises tony’s own body + technology and uses him to murder people who are scheduled to participate in a peace summit despite the blood on their hands and the human cost of their involvement in the weapons industry.

DRAWING PARALLELS BETWEEN YINSEN’S LIFE’S WORK AND TONY’S LIKE DEATH AND DYING WOULD BE KINDER. again bc of my memory or even regardless due to constant retcons + reruns of the iron man origin story, i don’t know if it’s ever been explicitly stated before that yinsen also got into the weapons industry in order to get the funding necessary to support his other revolutionary work. but his son literally conflates yinsen with tony here, blending them into one + the same with that final panel and it becomes very obvious that at least a small part of him blames father for entering into weapons design. if he hadn’t, he might never have been captured by the the terrorist group that wanted him and tony to build them missiles. 

also, yinsen + villains involving yinsen are a recurring theme in iron man history but can we talk abt the fact that tony has never ever let himself forget the man bc jesus christ

yinsen’s kid is killed by a SHIELD sniper, activating the dead man’s switch and unleashing all the peackeeping units tony built that are now compromised. now, tony’s no jean grey or wanda maximoff but if this arc shows anything it’s not to underestimate him bc intentional or not (lmao) if he put his mind to it there’s literally no limit to the damage he could do. 

we see various heroes fighting off the peacekeeping units, and the new avengers are at the peace summit fighting a hulkbuster. 

and here it is people !!! the 23989485th time tony kills himself so steve can live. 

JUST. THE LOOK ON HIS FACE. AND THEN THIS ABSOLUTE LACK OF HESITATION:

so, yes. extremis was traumatising for pretty much every single person involved. steve has extremely good reasons for HATING extremis, even in the early stages or even if a fic is taking place before the events of execute program.

if you read the full arc, you’ll see tony running himself into the ground with his new abilities (world’s greatest multitasker can now multitask 192483958 things at once? ofc he’s going to use and abuse and exploit that), you see him spiralling and losing his grip on reality (mainly because he’s actually having dissociative episodes and losing time due to being remotely controlled to assassinate ppl but also bc of the Effect extremis is having on him). i brought up wanda and jean earlier as a casual reference but like, to put it in that kind of perspective, people just weren’t made to have this much power.

on a smaller scale, apart from eating up all of tony’s time and attention and mental health in a really bad way, it just Distances him from everyone. especially from the team. it’s Isolating, having this much going on in his brain and no one else in the world to fully understand it. 

and on steve’s side, you also have the fact that tony’s genius is both one of the things he loves and lowkey resents most about him. he has this deep-set anxiety about tony with all his brilliance and intelligence leaving him behind in the dust, or worse, laughing at him and how outdated and dim-witted he is in comparison. this is steve’s version of tony’s “i’m never going to be good enough for him”, a sentiment summed up in a quote from him as early as tales of suspense vol. 2 (1995): “yes, tony stark, a man of today and tomorrow is the man i’ll never be.” he’s so afraid of being abandoned + alienated by tony’s mind and the future that tony’s worked so tirelessly to build that might render him irrelevant. he’s scared of a future where he has no purpose, but more or just as importantly, he’s scared of becoming obsolete in tony’s life, of not being needed by tony anymore. one of the things that endeared him so much to tony, and which laid the foundations of their lifelong friendship, was the fact that from Day One (1), tony made him feel At Home. he never let him feel ashamed or isolated as The Man Out Of Time, he actively worked to make steve feel comfortable and to give him the things he needed to acclimatise and to fit himself into this brave new world. 

extremis undoes all of that. it propels tony so far and so fast into the future that it makes tony untouchable to steve. all of the ‘i can hear satellites’ stuff renders steve helpless and even more out of his depth than usual. it presses all of steve’s secret buttons and then some.

to sum this all up, and to finish my extra rambling abt tony bc u asked me about extremis and i couldn’t not finish with this:

here we have, ladies and gentlemen, everything u need to understand abt tony going into civil war. and it’s not on any of the official civil war fucking reading lists which really pisses me off because whether or not they did it on purpose the knaufs basically wrote all of execute program as the perfect precursor and characterisation groundwork for an antebellum tony stark. 

a tony stark who was just very recently manipulated against his will into assassinating people and causing a world-threatening incident that could have resulted in the deaths of thousands, including his own friends and teammates (and the love of his life), is a very different tony stark to the one ppl see in civil war #1.

what happens in stamford was an accident, too. no one meant for that to happen. tony knows first fucking hand what that means and what it feels like to carry that responsibility and guilt. his position in civil war supporting the SHRA is not only to protect the potential lives that could be lost in another stamford incident but also to protect superhumans and superheroes from ever being exploited against their will by villains to kill and hurt and destroy. 

superheroes are inherently susceptible to being used, it’s just part of the narrative convention –– a superhero is brainwashed or mind controlled or otherwise forced against their will to do something awful. and even if it’s not their fault there needs to be  accountability  for the victims. both the victims that suffer directly because of superhuman incidents but also the superheroes that become victims of ppl who abuse their powers. it’s abt protecting superheroes not just from civilians but from themselves. and if u’ve read a single comic u kno that this kinda shit happens way too often and way too easily.

sO YE S T hIS iS W HY. AND IT Ex PL AINS SO MUC H AND i j UST WISH P PL WOULD GODDAMN REA D THIS. LIKE EVERYONE WHO EVER WANTS TO SAY ANOTHER A GODDAMN THING ABOUT TONY STARK IN CIVIL WAR NEEDS TO FIRST READ EXECUTE PROGRAM FIRST OR PAY ME $10

anyway…………… one last time, i’m so so so sorry this took forever to get to. hope the wait was worth it!

[coelura]

Tagged by- @fictionallesbian​ (she’s hilarious and i love her)

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… And most importantly, have fun!

A - Age: underage lmao

B - Biggest fear: paying for college? i try not to think abt my fears

C - Current time: 4pm

D - Drink you last had: water

E - Every day starts with: sleeping 10 minutes past my alarm. now that it’s spring the sun’s up with me so i usually get to see the sunrise :)

F - Favourite song: Currently all time low - jon bellion. bc WotE did a really cool cover of it lol and it’s fun to sing along to. also “something just like this” by the chainsmokers&coldplay. the lyrics are so sweet i love that song :,)

G- Ghosts, are they real: yeah, i’ve never met one tho

H - Hometown: St. Paul, Minnesota :) I love it there

I - In love with: so many people jesus christ someone save me from myself. to name just a few... all members of little mix, because goddamn. they’re insanely gorgeous and have incredible voices and great fashion sense always

J - Jealous of: jealous of beyonce, bc who is not jealous of her??, jealous of KHS cause i wish i could make music like he does. (please understand this is all healthy jealousy)

K - Killed someone: well, yesterday I sent my best friend a picture that had her on the floor for a solid 2 minutes (“i’m deadddd”)

L - Last time you cried: a few hours ago, I was reading this incredible fic. I’ll link u if u want (it’s The Social Network, i bookmarked it like forever ago and im NOT SORRY)

M - Middle name: Lily

N - Number of siblings: just 1

O - One wish: I wanna have a concrete idea of what I’m doing in life

P - Person you last called/texted: My friend, Liam. he’s supposed to be doing his stats homework.

Q - Questions you’re always asked: is your hair naturally that curly?

R - Reasons to smile: reasons I have to smile? i have lots of really nice amazing and supportive friends who i see on a regular basis :) i am so thankful for all of them. also, my brother keeps sending me dumb vines and I always laugh at dumb vines.

S - Song last sang: Never Enough - One Direction

T - Time you woke up: 10am

U - Underwear colour: black/pink? it has black widow on it lol

V - Vacation destination: the north woods in MN. my fav place in all the earth :) but also i’ve never been out of the country so that would be awesome- like new zealand would be amazing. there are mountains and middle-earth and tons of species u can’t find anywhere else in the world, so, it’s p cool.

W - Worst habit: p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n. nvm scratch that i ruin my cuticles when im stressed. it’s awful.

X - X-rays you’ve had: none

Y - Your favourite food: where do I start... anything with chocolate. i’m also a sucker for pad thai, and for pho, and for pesto, and burgers that aren’t greasy?, but also cheese curds, and anything with potatoes as a main ingredient.

Z - Zodiac sign: Libra. i’m such a stereotype.

I’m tagging...

@alligotleftismyjim @bonesonthetardis and @for-goodness-cake cause i wanna know yall better

[twinkubus]

so so so with your triad of thomases, I have several questions: 1. how does this correspond to the Trinity, if at all? 2. in what ways do they help you understand aspects of being a Christ that Jesus himself kinda doesn't? (more to come in another ask, because i totally cannot fit the last question into this tiny box)

3. you have a Jesuit spiritual director, right? if so: have you told them about this framework, and what was their reaction to it? maybe it’s because I’m still extremely early in the conversion/discernment processes, but I always veer toward excessive scrupulosity and often am afraid of what Real Christians™ will think of my spiritual experiences (especially with, like, Mary and a couple of other saints)

ok SO!! i am not sure if my response is going to be in order but i WILL say some things and hopefully they will answer the questions: 

I got introduced to each Thomas in chronological order funnily enough, haha. some background: i just became officially catholic last easter, but I’d been involved in “the community” 2 years prior to that. before I was an atheist and even before that i was Lutheran. 

so when I first started doing Catholic things I thought it would be cool to get into, and I liked it a lot, but I didn’t think belief was possible for me. During this period Thomas the Apostle was (and still continues to be) extraordinarily relatable. this is a man who has spent the past three years being one of the 12 main apostles to jesus, and when he meets up with the gang after the crucifixion, everyone but him is going on about this amazing experience they’ve had with the resurrected christ. thomas has had no access to this. it might be something he wants, even very badly, but he cannot bring himself to believe unless he actually touches, is able to literally feel jesus’s wounds under his hand. and he does! he gets it! (I’ve used his response, “My Lord and my God” in a fuckton of poetry i feel like btw). Jesus says to him, “blessed are they who have not seen but still believe” and thomas has been great to like…look up to in both 1) certain personal experiences that I see as a sign of God and make me respond w/ astonishment & incredulity, and 2) I’m never gonna get to stick my fingers into Jesus’s side, but Thomas knows exactly the frustration I feel at not getting that, especially when it seems like so many people around me already have. 

there’s also this great caravaggio img, “the incredulity of thomas” 

(i really appreciate the apostles in general- judas is popular on here, and holds a special place in my heart, but he gets a little bit more exposure so let’s just talk about how the twelve are, especially in mark’s gospel, shown repeatedly to have no clue wtf they’re doing or who jesus is or why anything is happening. they fuck things up repeatedly, and are comprised of random people with no real theological training, and they’re the chosen ones. simon peter is the absolute exemplar of this. he constantly misinterprets what jesus does, goes way overboard, believes in jesus enough to get off the boat but not enough to stay on top of the water, and denies jesus three separate times to save his own skin on the eve of the crucifixion. and he’s the vicar of christ!) 

thomas aquinas happened a little further down the road, when i was in RCIA and reading basically everything I could get my hands on. aquinas is basically emblematic of that time-  do you want book recs? i can give them to you (i also have a word doc full of notes from things that i took from certain books that i can share if you want). but also i was on bishop barron’s website, word on fire, you may or may not have heard of it. i was extremely wary of it bc i found it from a conservative friend of mine’s fb page and was basically going on it just to be disappointed at shitty conservative things… but that wasn’t it at all and i instead got introduced to thomas aquinas. i watched a video of fr barron’s that explained thomistic theology and went :OOO because it gave me a couple new ways of thinking about God and… ok, aquinas is just great as well because he introduced me to this whole tradition of intellectual & rational catholic theology that i wasn’t exactly aware of? when I was an atheist the most “intellectual” christianity I knew was fundie apologetics which is basically shit, but there’s a lot of stuff in the catholic tradition that has faith and reason as positive complements to each other. depending on your background this coould seem an extraordinarily obvious point but it’s cool to be like “oh hey 13th century scholasticism laid the groundwork for rationality and empiricism etc”, and faith isn’t by any means exclusive of reason

also I really like aquinas as a person- he  was called “the dumb ox” and people in his classes thought he was really stupid because he was quiet and didn’t talk much….. and then he became one of the most influential doctors of the church 

i don’t have a good picture for aquinas so i’m going to start off the merton section with a pic of him: 

one thing that struck me is how peaceful/content he looks in like all of his photographs. he looks absolutely like he has been in touch with God and that’s phenomenal. 

I’d heard about merton’s most popular book, The Seven Storey Mountain, a while ago, but waited to read it until this july because I was worried I wouldn’t like it. That was an extremely bad move- I loved it. it’s a chronicle of his life from birth —> being a rowdy boy and pretentious english major —> converting to catholicism —> entering the trappist monastery Gethsemani in Kentucky.  He’s really funny/witty (please read this amazing acct of him driving a Jeep) and has a lot of amusing anecdotes as well as more #relatable things. I also recently read The Sign of Jonas which covers 7 years of his journals in the monastery, and that one just, fundamentally affected me in ways I’m sure I’ll still be finding way down the line. 

On an immediate level, he writes a lot of things about writing that I relate to as both someone who writes and is catholic. He had plans to become an author, and basically gave that up when he became a monk, He ended up becoming a bestselling author still, though- only after he had articulated his willingness to give up that goal. That’s amazing to me. He also worried occasionally about writing being bad for him or bringing him away from God but his superiors kept telling him to continue, that it was a good thing, etc etc.   So just on a level of “person who wrote and is a convert” he is relatable but he also has a lot of very good more “spiritual” insights/struggles/etc that I can identify with, esp. written in Jonas but I’d rec Mountain to read first to just get a better sense of his life, if you’re interested. 

On the subject of Jesuit spiritual directors- and Jesuits in general, I know a number of them- they’re imo some of the best the church has to offer. They’re also not necessarily an accurate representation, if you want to compare the experience i’ve had with them to like, some random parish in Nowhere, The Midwest. Like I’ve shared some things I’ve written with some of them, including a more recent poem that involved the speaker making out with the devil, and no eyes were batted. Another is also the source of all my jokes that I don’t want to say around my parents :P They’re good eggs. A non-insignificant amount of the ones I know are gay, too. 

RE: scrupulosity, I have two things to say, the first being that I don’t think you have to worry about that w/ spiritual experiences concerning Mary and the saints. Those are classics. People have literally seen apparitions of Mary and the Church’s response has been “yo, cool”. Sole focus on Jesus to the exclusion of anyone else is more of a Protestant thing, imo, and there are tons of people now that are perfectly orthodox gushing over how cool the saints are. 

My second thing on that is, alright, I know the feel to be overly scrupulous. I was scrupulous as SHIT when I was a Lutheran, and actually one of the processes of becoming Catholic for me has been trying to let go of that, and trying to learn that, A) it’s okay to get things wrong, and being wrong is part of the process of learning to get things right, and knowing what goodness is, otherwise we don’t have any of that and don’t truly know it, and B) God cares more about loving every part of us than any type of ostracization or punishment for “being wrong”. God is always approaching us trying to forgive us, and it’s that first approach that even enables us to ask for forgiveness in the first place. It’s not like God withholds love and forgiveness until we realize we’re caught up in something that doesn’t lead to our flourishing. The love and forgiveness is always there already, even if we’re in a situation that doesn’t let us immediately recognize it. 

OKAY THIS TOOK…MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT OMFG I have to go to class but, I hope this was helpful in some way and feel free to ask me any question you might have abt this!!! 

[prettiestrice]

Jour 20: Lourdes, Day 1!!! Samedi, 10 Juin 2017.

The post you have all been begging for (my fans) here it is...

So today (and tomorrow!) was almost not even describable. Literally. I am in absolute awe of how incredible this weekend was. Forgive me ahead of time for how long this post is going to be. and prob tomorrow too. 

So I woke up early & met Caroline at the train station at 7:45. We took the train (it had assigned seats -- weird) to Lourdes and arrived at around 3:30. The town is really small so we safely made it into the town to our hotel without any trouble. We checked in, set down our bags, and ventured off towards la grotte! 

We weren’t sure exactly where to go at first but there are plenty of signs. According to Ray who googled it, Lourdes is the 2nd biggest tourist city en France. Believable actually. Every building on every road is pretty much either a souvenir shop (solely containing rosaries and statues of la vierge Marie), a restaurant, or a hotel. Occasionally there was an ice cream place or a candy place but not many of those. 

We followed the street down down down the hill. Rue de la Grotte. Until we came upon a bridge which crossed over the Gave du Pau (I think that’s the river’s name). This was our initial view 

So amazing. I didn’t realize how much had been built there but I guess it makes sense since it’s a huge pilgrimage place. Anyway. It was just absolutely amazing. Caroline was so understanding about taking pictures of me doing everything because she knew how important this was to me. Like she’d just take em of me I never even asked lol she’s great. 

So we walked slowly toward the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception (awkward name....??!!) and just everything was stunning. There was a BEAUTIFUL statue of the virgin facing the Basilica like where I am starring in this photo and she was wearing a crown, and then up on stop of the basilica was a GIANT crown. Like echoing her. She’s so beautiful. 

It’s cute in the background right behind me. The lady in the blue hat is a hospital volunteer and those two people in wheelchairs are patients. The amount of people who are ill who come here to be blessed is just the coolest thing ever. 

Here is the crown!!!!! The whole town was just so amazing. The town is in the Pyrenees mountains. Literally what a beautiful place for a miracle to happen. Like out of all the places Bernadette could have lived, honestly one of the most beautiful on earth. 

AHH. I loved it. So there are three layers to the main building. The tip top one is the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception which in the picture right above is where we are standing facing out from. Right under that is the Crypt. And underneath that is the Rosary Basilica. So after approaching the main area, the first thing we did was go into the Rosary Basilica. Which was SO SO SO SO pretty. Go look up pictures online right now. 

So we go in and immediately to the left is another statue of the Virgin. Honestly I could look at these statues all day she is IMMACULATE. Literally though. Then you enter and it is just like a regular church but beautiful beautiful beautiful. I didn’t take photos but find some online. On the left, there was the glorious mysteries. Behind the altar was the sorrowful. and to the right was the joyful. So Caroline and I approached the Glorious and I recognized them immediately and we walked a couple steps and I said something about them. This poor girl didn’t know how to pray the rosary!! So I explained to her briefly and then explained the mysteries. So we went through all the mysteries one by one and I explained the significance of each one. It was incredible to watch her see these big beautiful portrayals of them. Like I could tell she immediately was like “oh my goodness this is amazing” she did actually say that. And she was grateful to have learned. So I explained all 3 sets of mysteries to her. The Luminous weren’t there but that’s because the Rosary Basilica was built in 1889 and the Luminous mysteries were made in 2002.

After, we went outside and walked to the Grotto. It is physically not even possible to explain how amazing that Grotto is. Literally the Virgin Mary Appeared to this poor young French girl there 18 times. 18! Just thinking about it gives me chills. How amazing is that. This girl was so holy and The Virgin Mary appeared to her. I just wanted to weep the entire time I was in there because I just felt so. Just wow. 

We waited in a short line. It was literally just a hole underneath all the basilicas and everything. it was a small, tiny grotto. Probably like 10 meters by 15 meters or something. The rock was dark black and had been smoothed over by so many many thousands of people coming to touch it. It was cool even though the temperature was 90 degrees outside. When you go inside, the little creek that Mary asked Bernadette to dig up was flowing steadily, but was blocked off by glass plates so that all we could do was look at it. We walked through pretty quickly so that other people could have a turn, but then we sat in the pews facing the Grotto for maybe a half hour. Sitting there was just so amazing. 159 years before me, this beautiful little girl was able to see Mary so so close to where I was sitting. I just can’t get over that. Ahhhh.

We were waiting for the 5pm Blessed Sacrament Procession to begin where we were sitting, but because of the heat, it was moved inside the Basilica of St. Pius X. So we went there. 

It was adoration. Honestly, I’ve only been to adoration once at CUA and it was very hard for me to sit through. I do love praying but an hour of praying in silence is a hard thing! Even in front of the Holy Eucharist! But this was so so amazing (like the 10th time I’ve used that word). It was only about 45 minutes long and there was a lot of singing in many different languages with a little bit of silent prayer. The B of SPX is an underground basilica made in 1958 and seats 25,000 people. Caroline had never been to adoration before and I didn't want her to be bored or anything. But she liked it a lot because she grew up going to Spanish mass so listening to the liturgy in English is harder for her. So she very much enjoyed hearing things in Spanish too!! 

They also had tons of incense. Incense literally is my favorite scent in the entire world (not just because a dad thing though) and it made the whole church smell so good. Wow omg. 

Afterward, I wandered around the church. Because it is underground and more modern, it wasn’t as elaborately decorated as the other churches there. It was made out of steal and not the prettiest. It was made for the 100 year anniversary of Bernadette so they were just trying to make it fit tons of people so it is a LOT of pews. But around the edges are like 50 some gigantic tapestries with a different saint (or someone beatified) on each side. Some are just French some are just Spanish I believe, but I know one entire section was just martyrs. Each section had a category but I don’t remember them all. The saints I specifically noticed that were there because they were super important to me are: Pope Saint JPII, Saint Francois d’Assise (Boy, do I wish Jack could have been with me this weekend!!!!), Sainte Mere Teresa, Sainte Rose de Lima (who I was gonna choose as my confirmation saint when I was like 6 before I realized Bernadette existed), Sainte Cecile, Saint Thomas More (the homie!), Sainte Marguerite-Marie (who I thought was cool bc that’s my sister’s name), Saint Joseph (who LITERALLY is so awesome like legitimately not just anyone can be as awesome as St. Joseph specifically only Saint Joseph is as awesome as Saint Joseph I love him), and, of course, Sainte Bernadette. 

So we left and went outside. We visited briefly at the Crypt church. And on the side of the crypt church was a relic of St. B which I prayed at for a bit. but then we went to dinner because a lot of everything there had closed until later. 

I got ice cream! Yum! 

Around 8:30, we came back for the 9pm Torchlight Marian Procession. I bought a candle (to represent my baptism) and it started at the Grotto so we walked there. It was filling up a lot but we sat down on the wall next to the river. There was a very large group of Spanish nuns next to us. Two came over and one was very old so they asked for our seat. We both stood up and they started talking to Caroline in Spanish. She felt bad for not including me, but frankly I loved it. If anything was coming out of this trip at all, it’s Caroline’s faith increasing and that is the most important thing in the world. She talked to them for a long time about everything and she was just so touched by being able to speak her first language to these beautiful women in one of the most beautiful places in France probably. 

When the procession started, it was still light out. It started with the sick by the hospital so we actually didn’t start walking till around 9:30. But while we were walking, they were praying a rosary. It was the most spectacular rosary I have ever heard in my life. During the different decades, they would switch up languages. There’d be Hail Marys in French, Spanish, Portuguese, English, Mandarin, Italian, and probably other languages that I’m missing. But it was incredible. One voice would go over the loud speaker the say the first half, then everybody would start the second in their perspective languages so around me I could hear them all. And even though it was all different languages, it was just all one big, beautiful voice. One grand prayer said altogether from thousands and thousands of strangers with the exact same belief in Christ.

We followed the path out around the cross that is in the first picture of this post. There was so many people. It seemed like almost as many as at the Papal mass on my campus honestly but it was probably less. It filled the whole main area in front of the Basilica. Up the arches and everything too.

It was stunning. The colors of the sky too, the entire time. AH. It was setting behind the Basilica and the whole sky was lit up with the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. There were so many candles too. In between the decades of the rosary, there would be a song sung in latin and during the chorus, everyone would raise up there candle into the sky. The beauty of it was indescribable. I’m not doing this justice. 

We settled in at the end right about at the statue of the Virgin Mary. They had lights at her just so perfect that, as the sun set she was literally glowing in the sky. You couldn’t even see the lights on her. All you could see was her glowing. Honestly she looked like an angel. Like so beautiful it didn’t even seem like a statue! 

I was so sad when the procession ended. I wish it could have lasted forever. The sun was set now and we were going to go to 11 pm mass at the Grotto, but it was 10pm at this point, we were exhausted and there was so many people there that we wouldn’t have even been able to see the priest. I was sad I didn’t get to receive the Eucharist at the Grotto which would have been like a dream, but I knew I’d get to mass at some point on Sunday so that’s cool. 

Then I just quickly went down to this little thing on the stage right side of the basilica bottom part like near the entrance to the Rosary Basilica. There were three things there. Each one was a different scene. The middle was a tiny Bernadette at the Grotto looking up at the Virgin Mary. It was so beautiful!! I’ll post a picture in my picture post but. Honestly, I sat there for a while and just sat and cried and prayed and I can’t even express how much it meant to me. 

So we went to sleep at that was my first amazing amazing amazing day in one of my favorite places on Earth.