#bc everyone left and wont remind me

[angellurgy2]

what if i was a bunny 🐇

[valentinonono]

i think vaggie and angel have more in common then vaggie is willing to admit. i think vaggie's glee when adam got murdered is deeper than it seems. i think vaggie's dislike of angel's attitude is deeper than it seems. i think adam calling the exorcists "his girls" is deeper than it seems. is this anything.

[the-acid-pear]

You people don't understadn how funny this game is. This was unironically a somewhat epic moment too. It truly is an experience something you gotta let wash over you.

[cupiohearts]

CANT CATCH ME NOW ?! - leaving them behind

they see you everywhere. james, jonggun, joongoo. they find bits and pieces of you lying around in their pockets, their houses and memories. it depends on which one it is which scene they see you in.

DG VER. gun ver. goo ver.

for james, he sees the sight of you in the crowd when he first started as an idol. he catches himself hoping for a glimpse of you in crowds as he did before. maybe you just show up at one of his concerts one day. he knows its a childish hope to think you'll come back. especially not when theyve all pushed you out of their lives.

but was it such a hopeless thought to have? a particulary fond memory of seeing you in the front row at barricade. hopping down and singing his lyrics to your face. fans thought you were just a really lucky person to catch the attention of DG, minimizing it to a harmless fan interaction moment just for the concert.

he loved the way your eyes twinkled underneath the stage light illuminating your face in a mesmerizing glow. he recalled the heartbreak when they were all gathered up at your apartment.

it had become a haunting memory of seeing the house abandoned. the only thing left was a small ragged old scarf you insisted on keeping

"yknow! one day for my super awesome snowman! ive been waiting for winter to come in korea so snow is finally here!" you tell him with a giddy grin at the mall. your loose baby strands around your face and your face bare with nothing on it standing out to him.

you always mentioned you wanted to experience the snow. you said you didnt have it where you were from. far too sunny for that you said.

"you wont have to wait long. it get cold fast in korea" he tells you. chuckling as you hold the scarf in your hand while picking out more winter items.

how unfortunate. it was snowing right now. he wondered where youve gone. maybe youve died off, its better for him that way. that way he wont have to think about whether or not youve settled down yet. maybe gone back to your old country or somehwere new.

maybe youre out on a date somewhere, possibly 6 feet down in a ditch. his mind wanders when it comes to you.

reading the note you left behind for him. written in a sparkly pen you always used.

"why do you have so many pens and only use one?!" he questions you with a raised eyebrow. his long fingers unzipping your pencil pouch and looking through all the pens you own.

"you cant expect me to use all of them. plus my papers look sparkly this way and its cute. the design is cute and i like how it writes!" you chirp at him. turning behind you and hitting his forehead with your pen. "red hair... i like you with your curly red hair. reminds me of someone i used to know" you tell him.

curling his hair around your pen before dropping it when you hear the teacher say your name and turning back to the board. your hair whipping him in the face "im innocent!" you joke with your hands raised causing the class to laugh.

you tell him youre sorry in the note. that you couldnt handle it anymore.

you tell him everything but telling him nothing at the same time. telling him of how you felt like everyone else was moving while you were stuck in the present. everyone was special and you were not.

he let the paper drop down after skimming the rest of its contents. he wished to just crumple it up and tossed it away. he couldn't.

he knew he was being selfish wanting you back when youve clearly stated in the note this was out of youre pure will, leaving them behind. he wouldve cried. he wouldve cried if he was james lee.

all he could do was pick it back up and meet back with gun, and goo.

it was gonna all be in one set page but i found that it was longer than most of my other projects if i actually completed this whole

so i broke it up

like the friend group

ha

i caught up with lookism

i like the new pretty boys :3

ALSO QLSO I HAD AN ENTIRLY SEPRATE DOCUMENT FROM THIS AND I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED MY UNFINISHED STUFF BC I ACCIDETNALY POSTED IT INSTEAD OF COICKING DRAFT SO I HAD TO COPY AND PASTE ALL OF THIS PARAGRAPH BY PARAGRAPH TO THIS PAGE THINGY BC IM ON THE PHONE TYPING ALL PF US THIS SO A+ FOR WFFORT

did not proof read (bc im insecure abt my works 😔🤞)

[princesssmars]

cant live without a poly ship so pjhazel with reader...light (?) nsfw. making out and allusions to more. fem cheerleader reader. are there any pj fics i mean this is rachel sennot we're talkin about. not gonna proofread we die like jeff should have. reuploading bc tumblr hates me and wont make my posts show up on the tags.

maybe reader is a cheerleader who both of the girls have a crush on, made difficult by them being...friends. aka pj has had a crush on hazel for years and has tried to stomp it down into the dust while hazel tries to forget about her feelings. which definitely always works.

you probably didnt notice them before the fight club, but once you join its hard not to. you like hazel because she's genuinely so nice to everyone and cute in that "you kinda scare me but i weirdly really like it", and you like pj because while her attraction is so obvious by the way she refuses to hit you, constantly adjusting your posture, and how you've caught her staring at your ass about twenty damn times already. but shes cute in a "you're obviously a loser but your desperation kinda turns me on way."

maybe pj catches on to how close you're getting to hazel, then being the hotheaded ass she is (affectionately) confronts hazel about it, telling her if she was a real friend she'd do her a solid and back the hell off ??? obviously hazel isnt falling for it, saying they should leave it up to you to decide who you're interested in.

lucky for them you invite them for a study date at your house that night ! when they ring your doorbell pj is nitpicking hazels button-up, getting surprised when hazel bites back and critiques her plaid zip up jacket because really? plaid?

they both quickly shut up when you open the door, smiling casually like you arent standing in front of them in a lacy bra and shorts, turning around inviting them up to your room as you expect them to follow you. they do, of course. (hazel makes sure to clowe and lock your front door beacuse shes. polite. yeah.)

the fake studying you do is dreadfully boring. hazel tries to pay attention to the work, while pj is flirting with you and getting more flustered the harder you flirt back. eventually you get sick of the bullshit, grabbing her by that fugly plaid jacket and bringing her lips down to yours.

you have to pull back only three seconds in when to your shock the brunette lets out the loudest groan you've ever heard and brings her hands up to squish your breasts, looking slightly embarrassed as giggle at her and brush some of her frizzy hair back away from her face.

a mix between a shaky inhale and a snort reminds you of the other person in the room, turning to see hazel with such a strong grip on her pencil you're slightly scared shes going to stab herself with it.

you ask her "dont laugh at her, you think you could do better?" and before you know it she's crawling towards you from the bottom of your bed and kissing you with the passion of a long lost lover.

you have to admit you're slightly surprised at how proficient she is at kissing, knowing just the right way to tilt your head and graze your lips with her tongue. it makes you so light headed you fall onto your back on the covers, hazel never giving you a chance to pull away as she follows you down and cages you in.

you make out with her for another minute or two before gently pushing her off to catch a breath, your chest rising up and down at a mile a minute. once your head clears more, you look above you to see hazel looking almost nervous. her eyes dart from you to the space to your left, and you tilt her head to see pj doing the same.

"you guys can kiss too, yknow. i wont mind. it'd be pretty hot actually."

you meant it as half of a joke but your breath catches in your throat when pj grips the sides of hazels head and kisses her. well, more like starts licking at the area around her mouth, but with a little guidance its not long before the two are in a heated makeout above you, the sight and the sounds they're making turning you on in ways you didnt think was possible.

you press a hand into both of their chests, the girls pulling apart and looking at you like they're both waiting for your command.

yeah, you were gonna have fun with this.

was looking at hazel tiktoks and a comment complained about the lack of stuff about her on wattpad, then someone said to head over here and sometimes i forget that. u r real people. reading what i write. so. whats up.

[clemswinecorner-socials]

So Hvar so good [ah]

yourusername

Hvar, Croatia

liked by willne, arthurtv and others

yourusername special thanks to my brother for bringing a bit of home and some company to me during my time abroad xx tagged georgeclarkeey, arthurnfhill, chrismd10, arthurtv

posted june 13th, 2024

chrisfan omg chris went to visit her how cute!! chrismd10 ur welcome mate, i'll bring an English flag as well next time 😂😂 yourfriend okay cutie

yourusername imy already pls come back to visit again

randomfollower this dump absolutely slayed georgeclarkeey good times arthurnfhill come back to london pls dealing with him was much more bearable with you around

yourusername got a while left but will let you know when I'm around xx

... view more comments

yourusername

Hvar, Croatia

liked by arthurnfhill, willne and others

yourusername so hvar so good

posted september 3rd, 2024

yourcousin ?!?! a man ?!?!

yourusername just a friend for now :) yourcousin croatian guy or??? yourusername wait I'll text you about it chrismd10 how about you text me as well

yourbestfriend i miss you girl randomfollower this makes me want to live abroad chrismd10 ok if its good i guess you wont need a place to stay in London then 👍🏻

yourusername definitely not what i said?? i'm sure your roommates will let me in x

... view more comments

yourusername

Hvar, Croatia

liked by chrismd10, theburntchip and others

yourusername one last hvar post before i'm back home

posted october 10th, 2024

chrismd10 are you ever going to tell me about the lad or croatianfriend I'll miss you sm!!

yourusername our aperol dates will happen over facetime <333

yourbestfriend there goes my reason to book flights to the sun

yourusername bff you know i'd never say no to a flight to the sun this just means more holidays together

arthurnfhill london weather will dissapoint you

yourusername i know pls dont remind me

randomfollower y/n replying to everyone but chris i can't

... view more comments

yourusername

London, UK

liked by arthurtv, georgeclarkeey and others

yourusername back in london init tagged chrismd10, arthurnfhill, theburntchip

posted october 26th, 2024

chrismd10 ON MY FUCKING DINNER TABLE???? chrisfan are you staying with chris?? randomfriend does chris know about the lad yet?

yourusername yes chrismd10 no yourusername you do??? chrismd10 literally don't??? all I know is that there is one

yourbestfriend obsessed with you and your slow softlaunchhhh

yourusername i fear that as the relationship develops the insta develops with it🤭🤭🤭

... view more comments

yourusername

liked by georgeclarkeey, miniminter and others

yourusername bit more hvar bts bc i lowkey miss it tbh tagged arthurnfhill, arthurtv, chrismd10, calfreezy, willne

posted december 16th, 2024

randomfollower is that arthur in picture 3 or am I delusional willne fantastic vibes arthurnfhill me too let's go back

yourusername looking up flights as we speak

chrismd10 y/n.

yourusername i think we need to talk? chirsmd10 d'you reckon? yourusername we're in the living room 😃👍🏻 georgeclarkeey uh oh chrismd10 don't think you're getting away with everything george

croatiabestie what you only miss me lowkey?

yourusername no i miss you highkey its the sunburns i miss only lowkey

... view more comments

yourusername

Ireland

liked by arthurtv, calfreezy and others

yourusername new year new relationship era (hardlaunching) happy new years lads, im enjoying a short getaway trip with my london boy <3 tagged arthurnfhill

posted january 2nd, 2025

georgeclarkeey hes putting in work, got you onto the Guinness already arthurfan t swift reference iktr chrismd10 happy new year, happy for you lot yourbestfriend favs (pls visit me next) lisahull_hill looks lovely y/n, tell me all about it next week xx arthurnfhill don't have to miss the missus this trip! arthurnfhill love you loads ❤️

... view more comments

[some-mari-thoughts]

im ootl, whats up with the manga? i havent been reading

Nice! Probably its best u dont

From ok to bad:

Events have been rearranged to unknown extent to adapt to faster pace.

We start with the christmas memory dream instead of headspace, and we are introduced to everyone that way. The dream is very very short.

We then go to start 3 days left skipping the phobia fight for its unneeded at this point, and see kel, basil and aubrey (no mention of their friend groups)

Sunny freaks out and leaves to white space right upon ending Aubrey fight (after seeing a photo of Mari) and thats where we meet mari properly

That said, Mari. In the dream/memory she is introduced via visual horror, stress rising as soon as she comes into frame and when we see her face it is already kinda terrifying! Her name and sight alone continues to scare sunny into panic for the entirety of chapter. Almost as if he is scared of her rather than anything else

We dont feel any easier as we meet Dream Mari either because she sneakily guilt trips us about taking too long and making her wait

Sunny is treated a bit better but he is freaking out almost the entire time we see him and his reactions seem a bit misplaced. I am also pretty sure he doesn't even get to throw up the steak. He does get several gay tension moments which shippers are extatic about but for me doesnt make it literally any at all better or easier. Just raises my brow higher. Seems like its the only place where manga will have any success. The sunburn lovers are also happy bc in the dreamworld omori gets to help aubrey out instead of kel

Other events have been slightly changed. We start with not seeing any of the hooligans which leaves us with aubrey alone. So she alone is doing a lot more bullying than she originally was doing. Then she also focuses on bullying sunny alone and verbally hitting where it'll hurt, also reminding him that mari is dead here instead of church (which causes him to collapse and then slice her with the knife)

What does not help is the artist consistently fails to make a good line of motion or guide the viewers eye where it needs to go, so 90% of people will first miss that 1 - aubrey doesnt hit basil in the head with her bat, but trips him instead; 2 - she then seemingly misses at kel and aims to hit sunny straight across with the bat; 3 - Easily missable detail that sunny stops freaking out as he handles the knife, either bc of smth abt him or bc of omori (unclear, sunny is the one drawn there), 4 - Sunny looks like he is trying to kill Aubrey; 5 - Unclear who is panicking and thinking "no" as Sunny readies the knife

The manga is not at all beginner friendly and in theory can only be enjoyed by a member of the fandom. Well. It fails at that too bc only very specific ppl will be actually happy abt this retelling. (Shippers. And another subset of ppl who are there for different reasons)

The artstyle is making anyone with good internet background tense and for good reason too (shotacon/CP classic artstyle) People have spoken out about more evidence to the manga's artist drawing messed up things (including for OMORI fandom) not too long ago. Omocat's rep is once again in shambles and i cant and wont defend her til we get a goddamn good explanation

[squidinkedcreative]

aaaaaaa brain is putting things together about izzy and i just :( damn

also going to say this now that if ur an izzy hater, this post isnt for u! pls dont engage :) thank u

saw art with a quote from a post about izzy, talking about how some people find it touching that he’s buried in the yard of the inn, but this person didn’t. it made them feel sick because he’s buried there like a dog. and just first of all yeah. at first it was touching to me bc of that sentiment that they’re keeping him near them, even in death, but the more i thought on it the more my stomach also churned.

i know djenks had the best intentions with how izzy’s character and arc were treated but jfc ya missed the mark. by a wide margin. like hello???? having the entire point of his arc in season two be discovering himself and growing into himself, hell even standing up for himself and letting himself hold on a little looser to his baggage and just put down the baggage he chose to carry on behalf of the man he loved only for him to die like an episode or two later. and the crew acts like nothing happened just. it doesnt sit right with me and it hasnt since the first time i saw it.

i know its for “plot” reasons, but there was no other way to convey any of this than maiming him like the family dog nobody actually likes??? like a grimy mutt?? without him LITERALLY DYING????????????????? AT THE VERY END OF THE SEASON??????? AND NOT EVEN HAVE THAT BE THE MAIN MESSAGE FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE??? you had to stomp all over his dead body with a fucking wedding. yes yes good for lucius and pete i really do love them and i am happy for them, but its like they all just. moved on. and forgot about izzy. and trust me i am FULLY aware of how complex grief is, but still. it stings. it feels like its watering down the impact izzy had on everyone on the crew.

he and the kraken’s crew grew so close that they tried to keep him alive even tho they all knew if the kraken found out, they’d all be paying with blood. they MADE HIM. A PROSTHETIC. AND PAINTED IT. they cheered him on when he came out in drag and sang in fucking FRENCH!!!!!!! and then he dies and like 3 minutes later theres a wedding and another party. it feels tasteless. it feels demeaning.

and i 100% think djenks roped izzy and ed into the Bury Your Gays trope without thinking that through. elder queer man who is traumatized dozens of times over who just fucking came to terms with himself AND WHO JUST CONFESSED HIS LOVE TO EDWARD!!!! dies. shortly after that, timeline wise. thats the fucking trope. it’s literally right there.

AND THEN. they fucking bury him in the YARD. LIKE A DOG. in the far corner where they wont see it and be reminded of him every day. out of sight out of mind. they’ll move on and grow old together, blissfully happy, while izzy’s bones are the only thing left of the man who once was Israel Hands, First Mate to the legendary Blackbeard. he never got to have his mutual pining moment, he never got to find the true love of his life and grow old with them. he doesnt get to die fulfilled, with labored breaths, as old age takes him. he gets to sit and watch from the corner as ed and stede, his ex of sorts and the guy he replaced him with, live that happily ever after. he gets to sit in the corner like a bad dog and watch as these two get everything he ever wanted. just like the unwanted family pet.

it makes me ill. he deserved so much better. he deserves better than doggy heaven, he deserves better than being roped into the fucking Bury Your Gays trope too.

[kindred-spirit-93]

*succinct & eloquent opening line. maybe a clever joke or quote* :D

do you ever sit there and contemplate your life choices after like a certain experience or a talk with a loved one?

do you ever come across a quote or a piece that seems like it was written for you in this particular moment in time? an anecdote that mirrors your current situation perhaps?

well im currently going through it & after a double whammy of mama lore TM during some resurfacing anxious & assorted crises, i dont even know what im going through anymore. but we shared a really sweet heart to heart and reminisced over good and less good times aw!

i am reminded that there is still much to life, light to be sought and found, good times yet to be had. its bittersweet. its mature. its scary? its like coming to terms with your mortality but on a smaller scale. or bigger whos to say...

i wont be venting anything, i think for now at least im content to vague post lmao. also my dad bought me some stress eating treats so i might need to go wallow in my feels for a bit

after i jinxed myself by saying im going on hiatus but failing to stay off the website lol (i had moot withdrawl symptoms sue me), i wont be repeating the same mistake, but with context clues i trust u can see where im going with this

it might sound presumptious to state so confidently that this next month of my life will be the hardest in my career, especially since im not even half way there yet, but the truth of the matter is that it is.

ive been struggling for well over a year now (mostly academically) and im both succeeding in places i didnt before (alhamdulillah!) but failing in the exact same places elsewhere. guys i may have anxiety lol

self fulfilling prophecies, nocebo effect, whatever it is & regardless of what you want to call it, its rough. its hard. im tired. theres still so much left and im tired. i shouldnt be this tired. or this empty. or careless. what have i let myself become? why am i punishing myself still?

this coming month will dictate the rest of my future and ill have no one to blame but myself if i let the opportunity slip through my fingers. but if all goes well inshallah i can put this all behind me and start anew so theres that silver lining :D

i kinda lost direction of this post about half an hour ago lol. my point is im going to try harder at balancing several life aspects bc i really cant put it off any more. i need to establish balance because ive been out of the loop for too long now. *shudders in python*

anyways there are plenty of things i have to work on, both in my studies and life, so i have that going for me *party kazoo noises*

id love to grace you all with some wise words or a life lesson or something but i dont have a neat one liner to sum up anything. despite that im writing this because sometimes letting thoughts float in my head isnt enough, i need to articulate and write it out because to let them roam in the vast expanses of my mind under the pretense that i achieved something is frankly silly as it is counterproductive.

a n y w a y , to anyone and everyone reading take care of yourselves and your loved ones. i wish everyone the best in life and in their endeavours. i will probably pop back in every now and again to catch up on messages and make sure everyone is alive and nothing burned down. i will however attempt to exert self control. (key word: attempt)

aight imma head out before i get too emotional or combust with the need to say something stupid like i love you be more unserious XD

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

(Yes I still got OrangeJuiceVerse Stan on the brain)

It is so important to me that OJV Stan is the most accident prone loser on the PLANET! Like other than Kenny, he’s cooonnnnstantly a disaster magnet also fucking South Park (Patrick Stump Voice: “STOP BY THIS DISASTER TOWN”) this man just forever is a victim of minor injuries. Ojverse Kyle may be the one with chronic pain, but Stan is out here getting hurt in the dumbest ways.

Like he’ll show up to school with one of those cvs finger splints and Kyle will go “dude how’d you break your finger, football?” And Stan is embarrassed as shit like “nah I uhhh opened the door wrong” “how the fuck do you open the door wrong” “idk I just did” smh loser dumbass.

Not to mention that he’s Tall and tall people are very at risk of hitting their heads on shit, he’s definitely *bonked* himself on cabinets and doorframes, also the amount of concussions this man sustained growing up it’s a wonder he has any brain cells left.

Thank GOD the fucker gets sober at 25 because he’s even clumsier when he’s drunk, there was this whole incident in college where he and Kenny, absolutely plastered, wandered over to a nearby park to do drunk parkour while dressed in their Halloween costumes (Kenny was dr frankenfurter and stan was eddie, they did Rocky Horror that year) (also this was referenced here) Kyle was PISSED bc Stan bruised the shit out of his back and yeah he and Ken were in Trouble for like two months.

This guy has totally burnt himself starting fires on camping trips, cut himself washing a knife, got too excited about the sword he bought for his wedding and fully put a hole in the wall slinging it around like stan you loser that thing is SHARP goddamn who let this man get a sword just so he could cut the cake with it (that thing (he definitely named it something stupid) was under Sharon’s protection right up until the ceremony bc my queen knows her fantasy dork son would probably slice his leg open if left unattended lmao)

Literally he’s also such a horrible patient when he gets hurt enough to actually affect his life, like he falls down the Widowmakers in the SP Survivor college house and totally should be wearing a neck brace for a little bit but he WONT bc “marj chill out the dr said it was just encouraged” bruh it literally took Cartman telling him he was a “goddamn hippie-hypocrite” bc everyone knows Stan’s overbearing as hell when anyone else is hurt or sick. When Stan broke his arm in high school he absolutely tried to get kenny to cut the cast off way too early bc it was itchy and stupid lmfao Kyle caught them with a pair of pliers down the plaster and almost lost his shit smh the Disaster Duo is the sole fuel to his high blood pressure hdasfjdhkl.

He really is such a hypocrite too, he’ll be out here running a high ass fever and ignoring it until he stands up and collapses and then he gets mad when someone else does the same shit. On god someone’ll trip and and skin their palms and Stan will be like “dude you gotta be CAREFUL when it’s icy outside” and then they’re just like “Stan I literally watched you eat shit in the parking lot racing Kenny to your truck like, yesterday.” Smh. Also this man does not remember to drink water ever he’s convinced any liquid counts and he SO fainted from dehydration at a student council blood drive in hs (Wendy was working the checkin station and got so mad at him lmfao he was like “wends pls don’t tell Kyle” and she told kyle and then the Red Cross worker is taping his stab hole closed while this boy she didn’t think would be a problem is getting chastised by both of them lmao. But of course he’s on Kenny’s ass to remember to hydrate. And lord during his stint as the school mascot for that one spring semester he’s out here at cheerleading practice reminding all the girlies to drink water and Bebe is like “pack it up Superman” (he totally looks like Superman) “did YOU drink water?” (This dumbass did not)

Anyway OJV Stan my sweet boy he’s well meaning but also accident prone and maybe a little adhd <3

[yuukei-yikes]

hibiya and takane at the end of the novels let me talk for a second😐😐😐😐😐😭😭😭😭ok erm novel spoilers duh

takane and hibiya werent at the lab with clearing and the rest bc they couldn't rly help (takane is doing shit as ene but if they took her body itd just be something the dan has to carry and as for hibiya in my sick twisted mind hibiyas thing is not ONLY cuz he cant help bc his powers take too much energy but its also bc the dan is trying to act like responsible older siblings and deciding hibiyas too young to be put in danger...sobsob. like it means a lot that hes the only one to survive aside from seto and mary. it's also funny how seto and mary are having an ugly crying party and hibiyas there like 😐) its a good team cuz ene can report back to the dan everything hibiya is seeing with his powers and hibiya can report to takane too *goes insane* its such a funny duo takane tasked as the worlds awfulest babysitter. you know in cartoons when the babysitter just ignores the kids and talks on the phone. hibiya and takane being teamed up together is literally that. except she goes inside the phone and all their friends are dying but thats a detail.

(also it hurts so much too bc of the whole haruka&konoha thing. the 2 characters most closely related to haruka and konoha being stuck together *my descend into madness is complete*)

i think their chapter together was interesting it made me poke my eyes out bc hibiya has to tell takane shintaro is dead and he's like OUGH...I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE TO TELL HER HER BEST FRIEND IS DEAD.. and then takane has a "weird" reaction, like basically doesnt break into tears or anything. and i know its because she had apparently discussed the possibility with shintaro previously (id kill to have read that convo. normal shintaka convo post reveal *shakes fist*) but the way she kind of tries to comfort hibiya in her own weird way and the whole thing being hibiyas pov its so clear she's trying to keep it together in front of him bc he's just a kid. and not only that but she says he reminds her of SHINTARO so she's like. ough ofc she acts like that. just by how she was as ene to shintaro she is being to hibiya rn to make him feel better. she knows she will die when she says goodbye to him after that as ene. IM GONNA PUKE

(she's... like so mature in her own stupid way. it rly hurts when in the following chapter when she's like on her way to die/just died she thinks abt how helpless she was and how she couldnt do anything even though she had just comforted hibiya and sacrificed herself for seto and marys sake. *bangs head against wall* TAKANEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)

anyways i had all those thoughts bc i was like so since in novel route takane dies as ene... is her physical body also swallowed by the daze?? or is it just her soul, and when she's in the daze later its a haruka situation and both of them only have their consciousness kinda walking around as opposed to everyone else who is there with physical bodies? if that happened then hibiya would just be left on the roof of a random building with a corpse.

either way F for hibiya bc its either he's alone with a corpse or he gets jumpscared by another dimension opening and eating up the body. i do think her body gets swallowed tho and she just looks like ene in the daze cuz thats what she looks like in her mind (she's only been back in her physical body for like a day before this so lol)

either way. hc time but like. i just imagine hibiya realising takane isnt Really sleeping anymore and she Really wont wake up and Wow she doesnt have a pulse and even if he doesn't know her well, he is a kid and she is the adult that was keeping him company. so he kind of loses his mind. i feel so bad for him, what happened to him after takane leaves him??? bc we dont see him again til the end.

like even if he was technically already alone on the roof cuz takane was away as ene anyway, he knew she'd come back. but now shes NOT WAKING UP. he's looking at all this happen, all the people he's met in the last 2 days are dying one by one, the hope to find hiyori seems more and more ridiculous as the hours go on, konoha has been taken over by something Bad and is doing Bad things to people, he doesnt know if momo will be safe, its the middle of the night and he's in a city he doesnt know and the person, the adult, THE FRIEND supposed to be with him is NOT WAKING UP!!! i just imagine this little guy sobbing on takanes body begging her to wake up because he doesnt know how to get back to the hideout from here!! he doesnt know where he is!!! hey!! wakeup!! dont leave me by myself what am i supposed to do!!! and screaming when the daze swallows the body and hes just left alone for real. lol. anyways hows everyone doing

[mashiee]

ISEN HEADCANKNS PLES

OKAY OKAY OKAY HEYAYAHAHHSHS

OKAY SO

amab genderfluid, pronouns are the opposite of whoever he's dating. (and since i love isemi, this means his pronouns are he/him to me sjsjsn).

if he was dating blyke isen's pronouns would be she/her or she/they bc blyke uses he/they to me

if isen is dating both blyke and remi, hed use they/them or she/he depending on what he wants

if hes dating someone who uses they/them or neopronouns hed use they/them

if hes dating two ppl using she/her and someone using he/him he'd also use he/him to even it out

considering them using edith when fem purely bc i love the name but that's probably not realistic

not out as genderfluid tho, he doesnt come out until the summer after his high school senior year

pansexual !

absolute simp

tbh too much horny but we'll pretend isen has rights and isnt horny on main

natrual hair color isnt orange OR black. its BROWN. which still means isen made the conscious choice to Both bleach and not bleach his hair. we wont talk about it

lots of moles (tbh sometimes i forget this one)

knows everything about everyone ever. you cannot get past him im sorry but u just cant. u think u have blackmail on him? try again

if not for the fact that he is afraid of him isen could have oneshot killed arlo by digging up Something about him

smh isen could have been calling the shots the joker arc could have been avoided all together

BUT NO

anyway moving on 😁

dog person as in he would own a dog but cat person as in his personality is more like a cat

overdramatic as fuck. would have been a theatre kid if not for his stage fright

speaking of frights, has clinical anxiety that quite often physically prevents him from doing things

but he shakes a lot bc of it so now he has a higher muscle mass 🤷

(yes this^ is a real thing you can ask me about it if youd like)

PERFECT LIAR AND ACTOR. IF HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO KNOW HES ACTING OR LYING, YOU WONT. IT DOESNT MATTER WHO YOU ARE

has way too many secrets and is also excellent at keeping secrets

also good at telling when ppl are lying or acting, takes one to know one yk

honestly he could have a fantastic villain arc but unfortunately (or fortunately?) his morals do not align that way

when he is fully grown he ends up as 6'2 idc idc

also has long hair when he grows up and its usually in a bun

hard to make him full actually angry, and its not a pretty sight

daydreams to cope

clinical ADHD but doesnt take meds for it

meme and vine encyclopedia but doesnt know shit about anything on tiktok

knows too much about random bullshit but still couldnt tell you remi or blykes birthday he has to have a calendar reminder a week before

would probably run some kind of gossip page because he just wants to know shit. call that irl lore

never knows whats going on in the moment but knows why its happening. he knows the lore not the actual story

once went to a halloween party dressed as shrek. there is nothing else to this one

loves capri suns

does weed and edibles. we all know he does

likes wearing long skirts and dresses occasionally but doesnt like short skirts or dresses or shorts or anything short actually

buff people. holy moly,,,, -isen

afraid of bugs

especially spiders

also will not ride in an elevator unless necessary. has the irrational fear the cord holding them up will snap and they'll plummet

afraid of being forgotten and/or left alone

doesnt like thunderstorms, they scare him

would make a fantastic sniper ✨

aside from the murder

so i guess no he wouldn't actually

would not be able to kill someone even to protect himself or someone else. not unless like he went thru something mind altering

paints his nails sometimes. why not. he can make them fun colors

[sudaca-swag]

Top 10 reads 2022:

The starless sea by Erin Morgenstern- absolutely no plot just vibes, a story about stories. Our MC discovers an ancient underground library, some people want to destroy it, but its mostly plotless, it reminds me a bit of the raven boys series tbh. LGBTQ+

Babel by RF Kuang- i would sell my left tit to read it for the first time again, kuang is now one of my top writers. We follow a group of POC oxford language students during victorian times that have the power to sort of do magic through translated words but the catch is they have to do it in service of the british empire, this is a story about rebelling against imperialism, racism, inequality, etc i just love it. LGBTQ+ but subtext (romance isnt a central theme)

Jade city trilogy by Fonda Lee- absolutely urban fantasy masterpiece if you like martial arts (Lee is a black belt), politics, strong family bonds, amazing characters etc. We follow the Kaul family who is the leader of the No Peak Clan and is at war with the Mountain Clan. One of my favorite aspects of this series is that its set in about 30 years so you see the effects that actions and political decision have on the long run. LGBTQ+

Out by Natsuo Kirino- the BEST murder book, we follow a group of four middle aged women working night shifts in a factory, one of the women murders her husband in a rage and the others help her to get rid of the body, suddenly they find themselves trying to both escape the police and some yakuza men who want their help getting rid of other bodies. Ultimately its a book about mysoginy imo, the struggles of poverty and modern life, etc. Search tws because it has some very graphic rape and pedophilia scenes.

Our share of night/nuestra parte de noche by Mariana Enríquez- if you can read in spanish DO IT!! Amazing magical realism-horror tales, i LOVE the south american subtropical settings, the history, the culture, legends and folklore of northern Argentina is shown, its about a father trying to save his son from the rich ppl cult that took away everything from him, its about dark magic and necromancy, and so much more. TWs of course, especially bc it touches upon the dictatorship. LGBTQ+ themes.

Mistborn Era 2 by Brandon Sanderson- i just love the cosmere, but era 2 is so fucking funny, its just a wild west comedy. Predictable ending for me, but that last chapter sill crushed my soul. If you want to dive into the cosmere and dont know where to start, pick up mistborn era 1, but leave era 2 for after youve read the stormlight archive bc the last book will be impossible to understand

The stormlight archive by Brandon Sanderson- simply masterworks of fantasy, a little slow at the beginnning but so worth it, amazing characters and magic systems. You will need to dedicate like one or two months for that first read of one of the tomes, and leave them for after youve read the rest of the cosmere or you wont enjoy them as much. The roshar system is such a diverse and expansive world.

Wolfsong by TJ Klune- i lost all my money bc i bought the entire series. If you need a cozy romance series about werewolves and found families, this is for you. Everyone is gay in this series thats it. LGBTQ+

The Poppy war trilogy by RF Kuang- the 1st book was already in my last years top 10 but HOLY SHIT THIS SERIES!!?? Fucking amazing, its a retelling/reimagination of chinese historical events (although with other countries names) but with chamans and ancient gods who take over warriors, basically its about our MC Rin descent into darkness and madness, its about colonialism, empires, etc. Its explicit and violent so search tws. The characters are amazing, i think rf kuangs strenght is definitely her characters they make you feel everything.

The inheritance trilogy by NK Jemisin- i only read the first book but its amazing, if you like dark fantasy with all powerful gods, read it. Im so excited to see how it ends.

[princevontwix]

what i wanted to put was too long for tags so I'm just gonna vent here

i really feel this. my parents have been encouraging me to get my masters, when I'm almost done with my bachelors. and the major i have isn't offered anymore so idk what would happen. I've also chickened out on going to the career center to get started on literally anything. i haven't taken any internships at all, done any mock interviews, and have no concrete idea on the career i want with my major.

im gravely worried that once i graduate i wont be able to do the job well, esp since I've repeatedly dumped out whatever I've learned from previous classes, which i HATE. as such, I'm nervous that when something I'm expected to have known about comes up during a crucial moment(s) at my job, ill be left smooth-brained, feel utterly incompetent, or worse.

if i do try and get a masters degree, i feel like id be delaying the inevitable. I'm also just not completely confident in being able to manage my own life by myself. it doesn't help that i haven't truly made friends in uni, just people I'm familiar with for one semester and that's it. Middle and high school were easier to get friends bc i was in the same "class of" as everyone else. but in uni, you're sharing classes with people of different years so you don't really get a chance to be familiar with them. i feel like that's also my fault though; I've been forgetful of people's names unless i see them on a regular basis outside of just classes (only two professors i can say arent the case). and those classmates who give me their numbers for future contact, i just never do. i feel overwhelmed by work and by then, id have fast forgotten anything about them to make conversation of.

im scared that ill be incompetent in my future career, that i might only have a few select irl friends at best or only my online friends (which there's no guarantee that ill ever meet any of them in person and strengthen that bond. AND that this last year in uni will be my last retreat to my shell before it completely shatters and I'm thrusted into the real world. there's also this internal pressure on me for being the first in my family to graduate uni (my older siblings have graduated high school).

My older siblings have been living at home for years, which, nothing wrong with that. but i don't want to end up living that same lifestyle. I want to prove to my family that their efforts weren't for naught. but at the same time, i feel like i don't know what to do when the future comes and ill have no insurance for whatever happens. I'm already dreading the days when my parents pass away and what might happen with my siblings when it does. the absolute last thing i want is to end up homeless and with nothing to show for myself.

Earth, our home, is dying to corporate greed and we're massacring each other, hate in our veins. And if i cant make a dent in any of that, then what was the point? what were my efforts for?

And yet...i want to be selfish and create for myself (no matter how cringe it is) and spend time with my online friends. I want to stay in my comfort zone of being in my dorm for the week and home at the weekends. i want to have those long summers where i don't have to worry to much about what to do and just enjoy myself.

How can I ever possibly balance my practical life with my personal life? My work and social lives?

Perhaps i've never truly grown up, and the unforgiving march of time is a reminder that i need to do something with my life and grow the fuck up. Perhaps it doesn't matter what i do as link rot will snuff out my creations and my second death will follow my first death fairly quickly.

Or maybe i really am just overthinking everything. Maybe 10 years or more from the future, I'll come back to this post and laugh at my naivety and how much i was overthinking. If such a possibility exists, maybe it's narcissistic for me to want this, but i would greatly welcome my future self hugging me, telling me that everything turned out well. that I'm living a life my family and friends would be proud of.

that despite the mountainous amount of work my job requires, i managed to make time to tend to my own projects completely unrelated to my profession. maybe in that possible future, my fanstory Rejuvenation has finally been completed, and i have the improved skills to bring my vision out for my art and fanfics (cringe, i know). perhaps in that future, i don't feel any of the loneliness i feel right now.

i just want some assurance that everything will turn out well. right now, my last year in uni is my temporary shelter against all these worries. but once i graduate? it's the point of no return.

I'm deathly afraid of the future and what might not be. i may bide my time and play games, draw, or just chat with friends. but the clock will keep ticking and if i don't play catch-up, I'm as good as dead. i just hope that I'm still eligible to reach Heaven by then.

but for now, i have some schoolwork shit i need to do. procrastination is a poison, one that might cost me everything.

“I don’t know what my goals are, no. Thanks for asking.”

[renjunluvr119]

I’ve always lived for my family never myself. Was gonna die at 16 but wait the family who left you in the system needs help paying bills. So you say okay i will get a full time job and help. But no actually they are buying drugs with said money. Or when you get kicked out of your adoptive home at 18 bc you’re friends were drinking but you weren’t but they wont listen bc you come from a family of addicts. So at 18 you think okay maybe now but then you move in with your birth family bc the older sister you protected in foster care is now pregnant so you move in to take care of her. You raise her kid, she parties, she gets pregnant again and the cycle repeats. All the while you are taking care of your other niece bc her mother is too busy doing drugs and men. To the point where she calls you mother. You get accepted into college finally. How exciting oh but no you must drop out care for them. Then you are 20. You get evicted bc even tho you were giving money to pay bills they weren’t. You move in with a fiend for 3 months when you come back they have lost your niece to the system. This is your fault. Not theirs. Your sister is pregnant again you are working 2 full time jobs while being a full time student to keep your aid. Something has to give. So you drop out again. You are 22 she finally leaves but no now your oldest sister needs somewhere to live. She doesn’t work and she doesn’t clean or help at all but yet she complains. All the while your mother is there latched to you like a leech draining anything you have to give. You almost kill your self get locked away oh but now they have no money you must cut your stay short so you can provide. You are 24 your grandmother moves in from the nursing home bc she wants to be with family. Your sister says she will care for her you don’t have to worry. This is a lie. You are now here primary caregiver. You switch two a weekend job so you can care for her, the only thing you ask of your sister is to care for her on those days as you are working 12 hour night shifts. She cannot as she also has a job. It is October she has lost her job and is going on vacation. You sit and think you almost relapse you almost off yourself. You don’t only bc who will take care of your grandmother. She has done nothing wrong but give birth to your line. She was the one taking care of everyone for years. Now it is your turn. Has been since you were 16. Your sister tells you she is pregnant. There is no room for a child she does not have a job. She can do nothing to help with grandma or the house bc of the baby. You find yourself wishing she doesn’t come to term. You can’t be a mother for the 5th time when you’ve never given birth. You think does this make you a horrible person. Who knows you have long lost the idea of emotions. You have a mega fight you feel nothing the whole time as you try to argue your point. You talk level, she yells over you. You start to remember you turn 25 in December. You had plans to finally give up to finally let them handle to yourself, when your grandmother moved in you decided not too. But this reminds you for what? For why? Maybe i shall stick to my plans. I do nothing for them anyways? Surely she will be fine after i die. But who know i will not be here to see it. Ah December a wonderful month for me. When i was born, when i was taken into the system, when i became a mother to my sisters child. When she got out of jail and everyone forgot about my birthday, the month i spent alone working 10 hour days every day to pay bills and care for them in jail while leaving myself with 100 dollars for two weeks to eat and have gas and essentials, the month i got kicked out from my adoptive family and when i had to drop school. Fitting it should be the month to give me my last big hoorah. But you know… better luck next time i suppose

[whoreishghost]

like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?