#bc everyone else in his life lets him live in his little miserable bubble

[coachbeards]

"you speak dutch?" "don't tell jan."

please beard what beef do you have w jan maas

[cal-writes]

I feel like in a lot of your stories, your zoro exudes abandonment issues 🥲 Is that a conscious thing on your part? Or am I projecting lmao

I’m loving the little snippets of fic you post btw always brightens my day 😃

he does. it sorta happened subconsciously i think. im not sure if it started from my interpretation of his character in canon or from myself projecting lol

i think it might be a mixture of both like. the juxtaposition of zoro as a character who is very confident in exactly one area of himself and that is fighting and his strength. like zoro doesnt tend to get jealous until luffy implies someone might be stronger than him. i always think of something the youtube quinn curio said in a video about the umbrella academy talking about the character played by elliot page.

so i often read zoro as someone who thinks he needs to be the strongest so that has value or is allowed to be there

and another part i think is that zoro is a very lonely character. like we learn about kuina and that she died when she was 11 and that shook him so fundamentally that he's essentially living his life to fullfil that promise he made to her. we've seen koushiro and johnny and yosaku but they were very utilitarian. koushiro was his trainer, i dont think zoro ever mentioned him again since the flashback in like what chapter 5? and johnny and yosaku were a good way to bring arlongs bounty up and show the necessity of having a cook on board. sure they care of zoro and he cares about them but there isnt the sense that they are particulary close. zoro doesn't have a family like nami, or someone who seems to have raised him like family like luffy and sanji. if we take movie canon into it as well he'd have another friend from the doji similarly to kuina who he later thought had died due to him not being strong enough

and even now in the more recent manga chapters we see it implied twice that zoro is "a burden" on his crew, both from an antagonist but then also from a crew member. and unlike when sanji and zoro usually bicker, zoro doesnt respond. we have a panel of him flinching about the comment before he grits his teeth and continues.

addtionally during water seven when everyone is falling apart bc of whats going on he's not allowing himself to be vulnerable. we dont see him miserable or angry or sad because he sees his duty as having to hold it together and make sure everyone gets through this. like zoro was just as affected by merry's fate as everyone else but he couldn't show that (or he felt like he couldnt). its an incredibly isolating experience.

there is that manga panel which i might be misinterpreting bc the speech bubbles make it hard to tell who is actually saying it

like "huh you saved me" like he's surprised someone would do that.

but even if in that panel its not zoro saying it we still see himself punishing himself after getting injured in a fight even if he ultimately won. after little garden he trains until his feet bleed again, after the fight with mr one not only does he carry nami around for hours and gets shot while injured already he doesnt let himself recover, and then of course after thriller bark.

i always get the sense that zoro puts an enormous amount of pressure on himself as if he has to justify being there and has huge expectations for himself that he needs to meet.

and not to forget that on shabaody, he had no idea what happened to everyone else. he was the first to leave and for all he knew until they got the message from luffy, everyone died bc he was injured. i think that definitely festered.

like (its probably not that deep but you are reading this so far so youre in too deep now)

i thought it was curious. that zoro is the first one back. that he asked perona for help to find the way. as if he was worried. that if he came to late they wouldn't wait. so he made sure he was the best, the fastes, the first. he made sure to show off his new skills immediately. tried to show them off to luffy immediately despite it being a dumb idea to cut their bubble underwater.

so anyway yea i do end up writing zoro as someone who has abandonment issues tied in with his self esteem issues.

[bre-meister]

Hi! i loved your drabbles, can you do the greens with the prompt “she doesn’t know how much he loves her, he doesn’t know she feels the same” and a confession?

It took me a looong time to write this (and I feel kinda bad because I could never find any inspiration to write your other ask) so I hope this super long post makes up for it

“This is bullshit.” 

Boomer, turned to his girlfriend, eyes wide. Bubbles almost never swore. It was something that happened, sure, but not very often and only when what she was referencing was completely serious. Boomer looked around, confused. There was nothing in their immediate area to warrant such a reaction from Bubbles. 

The two were sitting in a booth in a niche dinner that they had been coming to for years, even before they officially began dating. They had silently been watching Buttercup say goodbye to her...date? Honestly, Boomer didn’t know how to categorize it - they had, in all sense of the words, been on a double date with his girlfriend’s sister and her newest fling but it didn’t really seem to him that Buttercup was fully there the whole time.

“What do you mean?” he finally asked, “What’s bullshit?���

“That” she gestured wildly at her sister who was now standing alone on the street, her date having departed. Bubbles’ gesture turned into a friendly wave when Buttercup turned to look over her shoulder at the two still situated in the dinner. Boomer snorted at her silly antics. 

Buttercup returned the wave with a smile that didn’t seem to reach her eyes before taking off to the sky, presumably home but Boomer had a feeling she’d be making a stop along the way. Bubbles let out a deep breath, turning away from the window to face him fully.

“She should be with Butch. Those two are totally meant to be! Instead, she’s wasting her time on these random guys trying to deny her feelings. Would it be so bad if she just accepted them? If they tried to be more than just friends?”

Boomer hummed in thought. He wasn’t blind to the way that Butch felt about BC. In fact, he was pretty sure Buttercup was the only one who hadn’t realized it. 

“She doesn’t know how much he loves her. I mean, honestly, I don’t know how she hasn’t realized it yet but she hasn’t.”

“Yeah but he doesn’t know that she feels the same either and for a guy who talks as much game as Butch he’s being a real scardey cat about asking her out.” Boomer laughed at that. Butch was the dictionary definition of male posturing with only one exception - Buttercup. When it came to her, he was terrified about messing anything up.

“I’ve been left no choice.” Seeing where this was going, Boomer tried to interject.

“Sweetie I don’t think -” 

“No, I’ve given them ample time, and yet here we are.” She was already pushing past him, all but climbing over him to get out of the booth and on with her plans.

“Clearly, Butch isn’t going to make a move anytime soon and if I know Buttercup, which I do, she won’t either. “ At this point Bubbles was shrugging on her jacket, preparing to walk out the door. Boomer jumped up quickly, shoving his arms into his own jacket while nearly tripping over himself to catch up with her - she was moving quickly and the look in her eyes before she left did not bode well for their siblings.

“Bubs, what exactly are you going to do?”

She stopped abruptly, the blue of the sky meeting the deepest color of the ocean as she looked intently into his eyes. At that moment, he knew that she wouldn’t be swayed from whatever it was that she was planning.

“They’re miserable tiptoeing around each other; making one another jealous both intentionally and unintentionally. You said it yourself, Butch was going crazy about Buttercup going out with someone else tonight. If they won’t get together for their own sake I’m going to ger them together for everyone else’s sanity!”

Bommer couldn’t deny she had a point. Dealing with a jealous raging Butch gets old fast and he knew Brick had even less patience for this than he did.

“Well, when you put it that way, “ he sighed “how can I help?”

……

“So I take it the date didn’t go very well?”

Buttercup sighed. She knew she shouldn’t have come here, knew she should have gone straight home but she couldn’t help it. She needed to see him, touch him. Apparently, she was a masochist now - torturing herself with the one thing she wants more than anything yet knows she can’t have.

“He took one look at the way Bubbles and Boomer were acting. Like even though we were on a double date they were the only ones around for miles.” She explained at his confused expression. “So he said that I’d never shown that much interest in him and he didn’t see it happening anytime soon, so he ended it.” She trailed off slightly at the end, not that it really mattered, she knew he could hear every single word with his superhearing - what she didn’t know was how desperately he clung to every word she said, every sound she made, every laugh, every sigh, everything.

“Harsh.”

“That’s the saddest part about it though, I wasn’t upset. Well, I was just not at him.”

 “Then at what?” Butch was studious when it came to Buttercup. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to know her deepest dreams, her heart’s greatest desire, and he wanted to make those happen for her - he wanted to give her everything.

“At Bubbly and Little Boy Blue I guess, at Leader Girl and Cap boy, at Robin and Mike and Mitch and Pablo and just...everyone who seems to be able to find that type of love.” They sat in silence for a bit, each hoping the other would say something but neither being brave enough to do so. Eventually, Buttercup broke the silence.

“Maybe I just need to accept that I’ll never have that.”

“Don’t say that Butterfly,” she smiled at her and lifted her face until they were looking into each other’s eyes. For a moment he lost his train of thought, lost as he was in her green eyes - green like acid, a warning to all those who would underestimate her but he would never; he knew the power held inside her small body, knew that she could end him without much effort and he loved that about her 

No, he silently scolded himself. You’re not allowed to love things you can’t have. He shook his head imperceptibly before continuing.

“ You’ll find that. I don’t believe there’s no one out there who wouldn’t want that with you. I - “ 

I want that with you. I want it more than anything in the world. I want it so much it hurts. How have I been this blind this whole time? 

“I’m your best friend. I should know better than anyone right?” He told himself that it wasn’t disappointment he saw in her face - crushed that hope just as violently as he had all the others. It couldn’t be and he wouldn’t ruin their relationship on hope. He’d rather be just friends and be able to keep her close than not have her in his life at all.

“Best friend.” She repeated. 

Standing up she let go of his hand - something she hadn’t realized she had grabbed and was loathed to let go of - so she could prepare to leave. She shouldn’t have come. It always hurt more to leave than it did before she came yet she couldn’t stay away. Masochist.

“Bye Butch. Thanks for everything.”

Everything. There was that word again. He wanted to tell her that he would give her everything she was looking for, treat her like she was everything because she was. Instead, he simply told her goodbye. 

Buttercup hesitated at the door. She would have liked to hug him, friends hug right? She decided against it though knowing that after the night she’d have she wouldn’t be able to let go. So, instead, she went back home to her empty apartment and presented that he was there, holding her the way she wished he would. In turn, as he lay in bed just a few miles away, he held tightly to his extra pillow wishing it was her and he could hold her the way he so desperately wanted to.

she doesn’t know how much he loves her, he doesn’t know she feels the same. So naturally, their siblings conspire to change that.

……

Brick thought this was dumb. Who were they to meddle in the lives of their siblings? In his mind, If the two idiots couldn’t figure this shit out on their own, then they deserve the literal nonsense they are imparting upon themselves. He checked his watch before looking around the room again. Blossom was sitting next to him, tapping away at her phone - no doubt checking her emails. Bubbles and Boomer were whispering, probably conspiring, together in the kitchen. Everyone was in the same place they were five minutes ago when he’d last checked - five minutes ago when this little shindig was supposed to start. Brick Jojo was many things and patience was not one of them.

“How are you sure they're even going to show up considering they’re already late and all.”

“That’s not fair Brick, Buttercup and Butch are perpetually late to everything.” Blossom reminded him without even looking up from her phone.

“I know they are going to show up because I told Buttercup that I needed her help and Buttercup never stands me up when I need her help.” Bubbles looked very proud of herself.

“She’s right, Buttercup would drop everything if Bubbles said she needed help.” Blossom supported Bubbles whose proud look turned to a smug one.

“And I told Butch I needed his help - “

“Butch would stand your ass up in a heartbeat and you know that.” Boomer glared at his brother but didn’t try to denounce the statement.

“I told him I needed his help with a surprise for Buttercup.”

“Butch would drop anything for Buttercup.” There goes Blossom, yet again defending this plan that he oh so detested.

“Brick please just try, for me?” Blossom finally looked up from her phone only to give him the biggest puppy dog eyes in the world. He hated when she did that - she knew he couldn’t say no to those big, gorgeous pink eyes. He let out a sigh and the others took it as a sign.

Exactly ten minutes from when this shindig was supposed to start, the two greens showed up, both equally as confused as the other.

“Bubbs? I thought you said you needed help with cooking a...what was it? A ‘super special top-secret dinner’ - this doesn't seem like a secret to me.” BC voiced her confusion while taking her coat off. She eyed each person in the room and lingered just a tad longer than she perhaps should have on her counterpart.

“Boom told me he and Bubbly needed help with a surprise for you.”

“Me?” Butch nodded.

“Well, I guess you could say this is a surprise.” Boomer began nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck - a nervous tick from childhood he hadn’t seemed to shake.

“A surprise for both of you!” Came Bubbles' overly enthusiastic response.

The two greens turned to their redheaded leaders for some guidance. Surely they wouldn’t have allowed Boomer and Bubbles to rope them into this nonsense. Brick just shrugged as if to say don’t look at me. I don’t want to be here any more than you do. Blossom seemed to take pity on them.

“Look, we’ve all been talking and it seems that we’ve all noticed a running thread with the two of you and we think it’s time to address it.”

“So this is an intervention then?” Buttercup seemed tickled at the idea

“Of sorts,” said Blossom.

“Ok if this is an intervention, then what are you intervening in because last time I checked I haven't smoked since high school, and Butterfly and I don’t drink any more than any of you.”

“See? That right there! That’s why we’re here!” Bubbles was just met with more confusion. She sighed,

“The pet name, Butch.”

“What about it?” The green-eyed man was suddenly very defensive. “It’s just a nickname. We all have nicknames for each other that’s just the kind of shit that happens when you work together all the time.”

“Ya but, Butch, you’re the only one that calls me Butterfly.” 

Buttercup was pretty sure she had never seen Butch’s face that red before. Brick, who had been sitting so silently up until now, seemed to have reached his breaking point.

“Look, we’re here because, apparently, the two of you are just so blind that you can’t see you’re in love with each other.” The sentence came out so casual as if he were just stating that the sky was blue.

The greens turned to each other, mouths gaping.

“Brick!” Both Bubbles and Blossom were not happy.

“What? If you thought that I was going to sit here and play ring around the Rosie with all of you then you thought wrong. The whole point of this was to get these two idiots so they would quit complaining to us! Clearly none of you we’re willing to do it so there, you’re welcome.”

Slowly all eyes turned towards Butch and Buttercup who had closed their mouths but were still staring at one another. 

Buttercup didn’t know what to say. She should feel overjoyed right? The man she had been pinning after all this time loved her back. But there was a small part of her brain that she couldn’t ignore and it was saying that it had to be a lie - it had to be or Butch would have said something to her before then...right?

“I - you love me?” It took a moment for her to realize that the words had come from her mouth.

“I guess there's no reason to deny it at this point huh?” Butch twitched - his own nervous tick he hadn’t had any luck in shaking.

“I um,” he paused, nervously looking around at their siblings, “I don’t really want to do this here. Can we, you know, go somewhere more… private?”

Buttercup swallowed nervously before offering up her apartment as a rendezvous since it was closer than his. The two departed without goodbyes, taking off as fast as they could to reach their destination.

“Well, I thought that went well.” Brick was smirking. The three glares he received indicated that the others did not share the same feeling.

……

“Would you just say something?” Butch sat nervously on Buttercup’s couch as she paced in front of him.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you love me too. Say that you want to be with me before I go insane about how much of an idiot I sound like right now.”

Buttercup stopped.

“Do you really mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“Do you really love me? Would you really look at me the way Boomer looks at Bubbles? Would you treat me with the same respect Brick treats Blossom? Would you miss me so much when I’m not around that you complain like Mike does about Robin?” She had worked herself up into a frenzy by the end of her rant.

“Buttercup, I already do those things, you’ve just never noticed.” His quiet reply broke something in her - those walls she had been building up for years and years to keep these feelings down. Now, they were all coming to the surface at full force.

She wasn’t sure who made the first move, him or her, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered is that they were together and he was kissing her as if she were air and he was suffocating. She’d never been kissed like this before and she finally understood what it meant to feel those fireworks that her sisters and friends always waxed poetic about.

“Wait.” It took all the power she had to pull away.

“What? Did I do something wrong?” He seemed scared- more scared than she had ever seen him the whole time they’d known each other.

“No. I just needed to tell you, before I forgot. I love you, Butch.”

As if a spark went off the two crashed back together. This time, instead of sleeping alone and wishing, the two lay - naked, sated, happy - in each other's arms. Whispered confessions of love and wanting shared between them until sleep finally took over. Nothing would ever be the same again, but maybe that was for the best.

[suearthboundau]

a summary of the plot points would be appreciated!

alright so here’s the whole story:

the end of the current bit would’ve been that yellow n steven just get some time to interact

skip to a day or two later. blue is still mopey and depressed, peridot is getting frustrated w her and then lapis steps in like “i’ll talk to her”. she gives her a speech like “i know what it’s like getting stuck here and never being able to go home, it sucks and it’s miserable, but you have to snap out of it. earth can actually be pretty cool if you give it a chance.”

she takes her out on a walk in the countryside where she shows her the sights of earth, animals and nature and stuff. at first blue is really apprehensive and nervous but she slowly warms up to things and has a good time. her and lapis become friends.

blue comes out of her shell more. she gets really interested in animals and starts observing/studying them, she basically wants to keep anything she sees as a pet. her and lapis get tadpoles from a pond to keep as pets and they all have names and stuff. blue also gets interested in earth fashion since it’s nothing like the uniforms theyre all stuck with on homeworld.

yellow mainly grows close to steven since everyone else ignores her and blue tries to avoid her. she acts pleasant but is secretly trying to figure out how to escape. she never gets anywhere but comes to like steven bc hes genuinely nice and tries to make sure she’s happy and stuff. he brings books to educate her on earth, which she finds interesting, and they also play boardgames together.

lapis leaves about a week after the zircons arrive. pretty much the same as in the show, except blue tries to debate her into staying. when lapis says they can take the barn into space, she points out that 1) the tadpoles will die and 2) the barn is obviously an earth structure and stands out so homeworlders will easily spot them. but instead of convincing lapis to stay, she just flies off without the barn. so everyone remaining continues to live in the barn.

more character development and stuff yada yada. smaller fillery arcs. then one day a homeworld ship arrives at the barn, filled with quartz soldiers. they spot yellow, and yellow’s terrified they’ve come to arrest her but then they reveal they’re trying to rescue her. some of them free her from her cell, while the other quartzes find and bubble peridot and blue. yellow realises from what they’re saying that she was never a wanted criminal and that sapphire must’ve lied to her.

she pretends to play along with the quartzes and act nice. they ask if she knows where the other rebels are and she says yes. something wouldve happened previously so she knows where the crystal gems house is, she leads them to it. however when they arrive and the quartzes disembark, ready to fight the cgs, yellow stabs them in the back by destabilising their leader. the other quartzes are so shocked that they let their guard down, giving the cgs time to form alexandrite and effortlessly defeat them. they bubble all the quartzes and free peridot and blue.

garnet congratulates yellow and tells her she can be free now bc they know they can trust her. but yellow still doesn’t trust them, and only really likes steven. peridot and blue reform (new outfits yayy), and it’s decided that they should all stay at the temple instead of the barn because homeworld knows the barn is a base.

the plot kinda chills out after that big event. it’s mainly just character development stuff and characters growing closer to each other. all the peridot and steven episodes from canon happen off-screen or in the background bc the zircons have nothing to do with them. this is the maybe month or so before ASPR, where there’s no more major canon plot.

yellow gets a new outfit, whether it’s from having to reform or just deciding to change for fun. also the zircons move into the lighthouse, maybe with peridot. generally all i had planned for this was smaller, humour-based storylines. blue becomes more outgoing, yellow develops interests if her own and joins jamie’s acting club. the zircons still argue constantly but start to agree on a few things. like, they both like the same tv shows, they’re both crazy competitive rules lawyers with board games, and they both hate ronaldo, who comes up to their house to play lookout and constantly bothers them about “totally seeing aliens” in his telescope.

eventually they finally just talk things out, apologise to each other for all their grievances, and yellow admits that she’s actually happy living on earth with blue, and it feels more like home than homeworld did. and then they hug it out and fuse. we would’ve had a few comics here where i might’ve taken questions for green zircon. then she’d hear ronaldo coming up the hill to do lookout, panic, and unfuse.

they’d both go inside, do some stuff, then hear ronaldo freaking out outside about spotting a “real moon alien”. they’d just roll their eyes about it but he’d insist they come look. and then they’d see lapis on the moon. ronaldo runs off to get steven, while blue gets really excited that she might see her friend again. when steven goes up to the moon, she tags along. lapis still leaves again, and steven tells blue about his dream, causing her to go into Theorising Mode.

blue obsessively goes over the evidence while yellow teases her for being a crazy conspiracy theorist, and she figures out that pink diamond was rose quartz and cracks the whole mystery. then like 2 seconds later steven knocks on the door and sits them down to explain the whole story. he doesn’t even get to start saying anything before blue’s like “in a second, can i explain my thing first?” and basically explains to him everything he was about to tell them. and then stevens like “uh yeah u got it.” and blue gloats at yellow that she was right while yellow pretends not to care.

garnet has her wedding and the zircs go, yellow doesn’t really hate the cgs anymore but she doesn’t feel hella welcome around them but yeah she goes anyway everyone has a good time. the diamonds show up, pretty much the same as in canon, i hadn’t really figured any way the zircons might impact stuff as i couldn’t see them fighting. they’d probably just hide tbh.

when everyone goes to homeworld, yellow goes with them so she can visit her friends and tell them how she’s been. blue decides to stay on earth so she can catch up with lapis, and also bc there’s not really anything for her up there. pretty much the same as in canon, yellow is not invited to the ball and she doesn’t want to go bc it’s not her place, she splits from the squad and goes to the zircon quarters to chat with her friends. she would’ve changed back into her uniform.

so we’d basically just be following yellow and seeing what life on homeworld is like for a zircon, the living quarters etc etc. as well as the kind of friends she had and her old life and stuff. i had an idea that gems like zircons that access databases can basically connect to the homeworld internet, and yellow would’ve known when they were almost at homeworld bc she would’ve suddenly got three trillion notifications from all the texts people had been sending her trying to find out where she is.

we’d also go back to blue on earth. she’d chat with lapis and they’d reconnect, i’d also have lapis and peridot talk things out bc they left on a sour note. also bismuth would get to know blue bc they never met. then they’d get the steven message and go up into space to help. while everyone else is going to the diamond fight, blue would go to find yellow and make sure she’s safe. they’d meet up in the zircon quarters, check everything’s alright, and the other zircons would be like “um yellow why r u hanging out w that loser lol”. then the chapter would end with all the zircons noticing white diamond’s ship blushing and being like “wtf”.

there’d be an epilogue thing set at the little party that ended the season. i didn’t plan to go into the movie or SUF (the whole plot of the movie would just be the zircons hiding in their house going “wtf” at the giant injector planted right in front of it lol). i guess in SUF they’d just be living their best lives.

[cyoza]

joy

I’m slightly late with this one but I wasn’t feeling very Christmassy but I spent yday with my whole family and it got me in the mood and its still technically december

I kinda just mimicked the relationship I have with my siblings and applied it to the gang. In this everyone’s alive and not so traumatised bc let’s face it we deserve a little positivity during the holidays

from the december @dickkorysource prompt of joy

happy belated crimbo lads! I hope you all had/are having great holidays!

Update: I edited it because I completely forgot Rose omg I'm so sorry there are so many people and I am very tired and still slightly hungover from christmas please forgive me 

-

‘Wake up, lovebirds! It’s Christmas baby!’

The last thing Dick wanted to hear first thing at 7am on Christmas morning was Jason’s obnoxious voice followed by loud thumps at the door. Thankfully however, soon enough his quiet pitter patter of footsteps were disappearing down the hallway. Those early training sessions that accustomed them to early mornings felt like a mistake right then. Especially considering the dull ache that pulsated at his temples; the several ghosts of the beers he’d had the previous night haunting him severely.

He let out disdainful groan, rolling over to his side and was immediately met with Kory’s sleepy smile. The calmness that settled over him was jarring and unsettling as he gazed at her. Even so early in the morning and jostled from unconsciousness, she still affected him like no one else ever had.

‘Good morning.’ Her voice was husky and low with sleep and so, so spellbinding.

But there were a minimum of three teens waiting for them in the living room. So, instead he greeted her with a soft ‘ ‘Mornin’ ’

‘Merry Christmas.’ Her smile widened, lackadaisical and laced with drowsiness.

She looked so content and adorable that he couldn’t help himself and the next thing he knew he had his lips pressed against hers, swallowing the surprised gasp she let out. But then she melted into him, threading her fingers through his hair and sending sparks of warmth all over his skin. But Dick reminded himself that there were people waiting for them and he pulled away from her, lifting his hand to cup her cheek, wanting to keep the contact he craved.

‘Merry Christmas. Are you ready for today?’ He asked, to which Kory let out a humorous snort.

‘It’s only Christmas Day, Dick, it’s not like we’re going to war or anything.’

‘Trust me, after spending the entire day with Jason and Gar together, you’ll feel like you did.’

Kory’s laughter burst out of her in a short, loud chortle prompting a wide smile from Dick. He didn’t think there was a time that he loved her more than when she was carefree and untroubled - just allowed to be herself. He leaned forward to capture her lips yet again but this time kept it short and sweet before he shuffled to the side of the bed and got up to make his way to the shower.

He threw a glance back at Kory to find her scrutinising him with an impish glint in her eye. Again the corners of his mouth lifted as he turned to face her, leaning on the doorframe of the bathroom.

‘Why’re you looking at me like that?’ He questioned, knowing exactly why she was looking at him like that.

‘Oh, just thinking about how much water we would save if we showered together. Save the planet and all that.’ She elaborated, sitting up onto her elbows.

‘Oh right,’ He feigned shock and folded his arms. ‘Well then, I guess for the good of the planet we have to don’t we?’

Kory chuckled loudly as she flew out of bed and past him into the bathroom, getting rid of her button up pyjama top along the way.

-

Dick emerged from his room to find Christmas music blaring from the stereo in the kitchen, Dawn, Rachel and Donna singing along as they prepared what appeared to be a feast of breakfast foods - eggs, bacon, hash browns, sausages, a selection of fruits; anything that was considered acceptable for breakfast was littered across the kitchen island and dining table.

‘Wow, you guys went all out didn’t you.’ He remarked.

‘Hell yeah, it’s Christmas man. When else would we get the chance to go all out.’ The reply didn’t come from either of the women but from Jason who sat next Conner and Gar  who were playing some car game on the tv. Hank, who was also sat next to them rolled his eyes at him before continuing faffing about with something on his mobile.

‘Um excuse me, there’s no we here except for us three. You guys just played video games all morning so I don’t wanna hear about this collective ‘we’ ok?’ Rachel said drably.

‘Hey, I helped!’ Gar protested, dropping his controller to the side.

‘I don’t know if I would call chopping fruit for 10 minutes entirely the same but it’s definitely more than Jason so I’ll thank you for that.’ She retorted, flipping a pancake.

‘Listen, no one here wants me to help with any kind of cooking for all our sakes, alright?’ Jason defended himself sliding down the sofa and throwing his arms behind his head.

‘Where’s Rose?’ Dick asked, glancing around the room for the silver haired girl. 

‘She’s still asleep.’ Hank replied, rolling his eyes again. 

‘Yeah, well I still need the sleep, I’m a growing girl. Unlike you, old man.’ Rose retorted as she shuffled into the living room to flop herself onto the sofa next to Conner. As much as she protested it when Kory picked it out, she still managed to wear the Home Alone themed Christmas jumper that Kory had picked out and matching fuzzy socks; obviously not wanting to ruin things for everyone else.  

‘I’m not old! At most I’m a cool uncle you little brat.’

Dick watched as they continued bickering, a small smile danced on his lips as he felt his heart grow warm with fondness. It was rare to see them just acting like teenagers, arguing over something so trivial and stupid without being plagued with life threatening problems. His smile only broadened when a pair of arms slide across his sides and wrap around his waist, his body coming alive with the action. He spun around and was taken aback immediately, laughter threatening to bubble its way out.

Everyone was wearing some variation of Christmas jumper, by request of Kory herself, who quote unquote wanted to make the day ‘as Christmassy as possible’ but nothing could have prepared Dick for her own Christmas outfit. She wore an oversized green jumper, a shade that complimented her eyes but in the middle of the jumper was a Christmas tree flashing bright with lights and dotted with giant baubles that seemed to have every one of their faces stuck to each of the baubles, paired with a metallic gold mini skirt and stripy red and white tights.

‘Kory, what the hell are you wearing?’ He asked incredulously.

‘D’ya like it?’ She pulled it down and the baubles jingled as she did. ‘I bought it and then Gar helped me modify it.’ She looked up at him with a giant grin that was impossible not to return.

‘Babe, it looks ridiculous.’ He stated, finally letting out a small giggle.

‘I happen to think you look great, Kory.’ Donna called from her place in the kitchen.

‘Thank you, Donna. At least someone appreciates my hard work.’ She huffed, crossing her arms as best she could over the baubles.

‘Yeah, Dick why’re you hating on Kory’s awesome jumper.’ Rachel added, stirring the pot even further.

‘Hey, no ganging up on me on Christmas! I never said it looked bad, just ridiculous.’ He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. ‘Ridiculously adorable.’ He professed before pecking her on the lips.

‘Ughhhh, gross you two. Get a room.’ Jason groaned but was immediately quieted by the orange Dick grabbed from the bowl on the side table and threw at him, inducing a laugh from everyone in the room.

‘What do you guys need help with?’ Kory questioned before detangling herself from Dick’s arm.

Donna began to give her instructions on what to do as she replaced Dawn in the kitchen who came to stand next to Dick, leaning her hip to bump into his.

‘You okay?’ She enquired. ‘I remember how tough Christmas is for you.’

‘Sure, I’m okay. How could I not be?’ He answered.

‘Good, I’m glad. I just wanted to make sure, you know?’

‘No need, I’m good. I’ve got everyone I need in this room; safe and happy. It’s impossible to be miserable.’ He declared honestly. ‘Plus Bruce is coming later after he ties up some business in Gotham, so the whole family will be here.’

He meant it slightly sarcastically but on some fundamental level he knew these people really were his family. Lost souls who floated aimlessly until they gravitated towards each other, who would then on be forever stuck in each other’s orbit. He thought it the thought would terrify him, another family he could potentially lose but no. Instead he was filled with such joy and love that he thought he would combust with it.

They were his family now, no matter what happened.

[rkyjun]

can’t get you out of my head... (a.k.a yeonjun is a sad lovesick puppy)

a lot has gone on in yeonjun's life. realistically, not much had gone if you were to look at this in a time perspective. however, it can mentally feel like a whole month has happened when it's probably only a few weeks. or even days.

that's how it feels like for him, anyways. his mind is a mess for one person and one person only. after that night of having kissed each other, it was easy to say that yeonjun hasn't been the same since then. in fact, if he had to be honest, the only thing—person in his mind right now was choi san. and he found it very irritating about that being the case. he didn't hate the fact that he was thinking about the fact that he was thinking of him. but after years of having not seen this boy, believing that he's gotten over his feelings that he had since high school, these thoughts were thrown back into his head. and all it does is make him more frustrated than he was before.

he doesn't like the fact that when he's not doing anything important, he finds himself drifting off to replay those memories in his head. he hates how when he tries his best to not think about the boy, the first thing that comes to his mind is his lips. how soft they were against his and how that night wasn't the first time he thought that. how back then, loving him was finding every single interaction precious to him and being able to be vulnerable with someone that wasn't his childhood friends. in fact, he think he's told more secrets to him than he has to despite the fact that they've known each other since soobin was in preschool and yeonjun was in kindergarten.

his crush on him felt as much fun as it did stressful. he remembers constantly thinking about whether or not the boy felt the same as he did. the two trusted each other with almost everything. yeonjun practically told this boy about all the problems he had at the time. if he were to ruin their friendship with that one little secret, it'd be over for him. fortunately, san felt the same for the other boy. unfortunately, college split them up. or, as yeonjun would like to phrase it, his parents split them up.

those first few years in snu were awful. not only was he pursuing a major that he had no interest for in the first place, but he was also missing a part of himself. the part that he gave to choi san all those years ago. no longer were they the friends they used to be, san now following his dreams in k-arts whilst yeonjun is forced to stick to his business major. of course, he manages to try to fill the void in his heart by continuing to talk to more people and trying to find ways to be happier, even though some of them were not the best. after december, he's tried his best to stay focused in school after months of extreme apathy to anything related to it. yet, he still finds his ways to eat fried food and also go to bustling places alone to try and fill the loneliness somehow.

and now the loneliness in him returns. and it was all his fault.

there was no other way of looking at it. yeonjun pushing san away whilst realizing that he was kissing the other was practically a parallel to yeonjun telling him about his parents making him to go to snu. it was a parallel to how after that incident, yeonjun did just what his father did back then to the poor boy. the look of hurt on his face was enough to haunt the boy's thoughts that he even thinks about it while enjoying a good box of fried chicken.

he feels a little bit better after going to jaebum about his issues. it was nice to get it off of his chest once in a while, especially to someone he knows he can trust. but there's still something in his head that he can't seem to get rid of.

so he tries his best to continue letting time go by slowly, his head full of nothing but that boy because he can't do anything about it.

perhaps, in a way, he deserves it.

it starts off harmless. like any other normal sleepover they've had in their past. yeonjun's almost certain that nothing grand would happen on video game night with his best friend. besides getting drunk and complaining about who's cheating, yeonjun expects for the night to normally as it usually does.

but, he should've known already from his past with the boy. when put together, they were unpredictable. not only to their classmates or friends, but to themselves as well. because the next thing he knows, he's waking up in his bed with a painful headache with no clue as to where choi san is. he was not in his room, nor was he in any other room in his house. it makes him question if the boy was even there in the first place.

yeonjun only knows that san was over after he gets ready and asks his mom to make hangover soup when he goes downstairs. amidst all the scolding of how he should not drink so much in order to live healthily, she mentions that san woke up pretty early and left while yeonjun was still asleep. it was another jab at his health: his sleeping habits this time.

he manages to pretend the only pain he's experiencing is his hangover. it's better than talking to his parents about his feelings over a boy. they wouldn't understand it. it'd just be another reason to look at their son in shame before comparing him to his better, superior brother.

he thankful he doesn't have classes today and over the fact that his parents are surprisingly not nagging at him about not going outside today. he's able to stay home and play video games as he always does. classic lazy yeonjun. as he returns to his room, he sends san a few texts to check if he's okay. if he's... fine.

( sms ⇢ ⛰shine ) hey!!! was wondering where you were bc i didn't see u leave ( sms ⇢ ⛰shine ) hope you're okay!! i know we drank a lot so i hope u were able 2 go home safe since it's a long ride

he debates whether he should talk about last night. because as he's sending these messages, the events that happened played in his head. the sweet kisses, the melting touches... just thinking about it all made yeonjun's face heat up. he wonders if he should bring it up. the last time something like that happened between them, yeonjun tried to ignore san for an entire week. of course, it wasn't because of that. but it was unfortunate with how the time played itself.

so he does. in the most subtle way possible.

( sms ⇢ ⛰shine ) thank u for last night

he clicks his phone off immediately as he anxiously waits for his response, getting flustered over how he sent that. he shouldn't be so freaked out over such a text. it wasn't anything bad. perhaps it was because of the context that he's feeling this way.

every notification sets him off for the next few hours. he wants to convince himself that san wasn't avoiding him because why would he? they're becoming the best friends they were before, right? the friends who relied on each other and always went to each other for everything? sure, they have grown up and matured, but they're still the same san and yeonjun they were before... right?

he finds himself disappointed with every notification that didn't come from "⛰shine". though he didn't mind the company of his other friends, he couldn't help but grow more and more upset with each message that came from everyone but him. a part of him even wonders if it's worth it to keep on trying. he didn't want to become miserable in his room all because he was waiting from a response from one person.

there was no read update. it's been hours. and nothing.

he tries not to think about it too much. the more he thinks, the more he finds himself slowly going into a mindset that he didn't enjoy being in at all.

it's hours later when yeonjun hears his notification bell and he hurriedly grabs his phone near his side as he's playing video games in the evening. even though he's been waiting to hear from him since the morning, he still is relieved over the fact that san got back to him. that there wasn't anything weird between both of them. that they were okay.

or so he thought.

( sms from ⛰shine ) yeah sorry i couldnt say goodbye had to head out early because of work ( sms from ⛰shine ) you too

yeonjun's face drops when he sees the word bubbles appear on his screen. he's surprised by how disappointing the response was, even though a part of him believes he deserves it. was that all san had to say about their hookup? is this the same boy that kissed him during that last sleepover? is this the same boy that was all flirtatious with him last night? yeonjun remembers even asking him throughout all of this if he wanted this to happen and he always said yes with the honesty that yeonjun could recognize immediately...

years ago, he said nothing about that night. should he have done the same? because either way, he feels the same type of shittiniess he felt back then.

the you too isn't specific enough. did he hope he was okay despite the hangover that would follow after? was it about him? nothing was clear to yeonjun anymore. his emotions were all over the place. he should be thankful that san at least replied to him... but with this?

he was tired. he wasn't even in the mood for video games anymore. he'd rather not stay up at night watching random tiktoks or going through his social media sites to pathetically think about how his life is lacking compared to everyone else. the time where he'd bother his friends with a bunch of messages to check on how they were doing don't even occur in yeonjun's mind now.

he's already had dinner. he already got what he was wasting all his energy for. yeonjun just wanted to sleep. sleep and not think about how his friendship with choi san was at stake for the night.

hopefully, tomorrow he won't stay in his head too much. but who knows if he'll follow through with that in the end?

[dillydedalus]

august reading

minus my women in translation month reads, because i’m still working on the last one but want to include it... that wrap-up will come in a few days once i’m done with the last book. 

not all dead white men: classics and misogyny in the digital age, donna zuckerberg classicist donna zuckerberg (facebook dude’s sister!) talks about how the alt-right, pick-up artists, incels etc. use the classics to assert & justify their misogyny and racism & portray themselves as the inheritors/saviours of western civilisation etc. the main examples she looks at are stoicism, ovid’s ars amatoria, and ancient narratives about sexual violence, which were all really interesting, but i feel like this could have been expanded a lot. 3.5/5

magic for liars, sarah gailey fun & cool crime story about a murder at a secret magical school (school nurse cut in half in magical library!), answering the burning question of what would happen if petunia dursley became a somewhat dysfunctional PI & had to solve a magical murder at hogwarts, where lily is a teacher. 3/5

the lie tree, frances hardinge frances hardinge writes the kind of middle grade/YA books i wish i could have read between like 10-14, where the world is spooky and the girls are angry spiteful stubborn resourceful sneaky things. i loved a skinful of shadows and i loved the lie tree, where curious snake girl (not literally it’s not that kind of a book) has to investigate her scandal-hounded natural scientist father’s death by spreading lies on the miserable island he died on and literally feeding them to spooky science-defying tree - and faith is very good at lying, and very angry, and very much willing to drag the whole island down with her. read for spooky trees, fake ghosts, and victorian male natural scientists being dumb and sexist & victorian female (& thus secret) natural scientist being smart & awesome. 4.5/5

the dead ladies project: exiles, expats & ex-countries, jessa crispin i have been at turns in love & really annoyed with crispin’s 2012 essay on william james, berlin & her own mental breakdown (x) since uh..... 2012 - it says some really interesting things about berlin’s capital-i Image as the city for self-destructive broke & weird messes, it’s very quotable, while also being some of the most irritating Anglophone Expat in Berlin Bullshit ever concocted (’we have surprisingly affordable rents’ sure didn’t age well.....) and saying almost nothing about the actual city outside of the Expat Bubble (apparently every single person in berlin is here because they feel like a failure.... YALL SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE HERE). this book, structured around crispin’s soul-searching trip around europe, with each city being discussed in connection with an artist/writer/artist’s wife/etc who lived there, opens with that essay and i’m still torn. the thing is, crispin is smart & well-read & occasionally capable of some interesting insight & good writing..... she is also at times utterly insufferable, ranting at length about how she despises women who perform learned helplessness & prioritise men over everything else only to turn around & do the same fucking thing over & over, incl. going on endlessly about her torturous affair with a married writer, performing her ‘broke but independent woman traveller’ while uh.... staying at a friend’s luxurious farmhouse in switzerland for free... at one point she says she never felt at home in kansas bc based on her looks people don’t believe she’s really from kansas & constantly ask her where she’s REALLY from because.... y’all.... while she’s a good-looking white woman she has an ANGULAR FACE. sure jan. there is so much cool stuff in here, and i wish crispin had kept some most of the personal stuff out of it. 2/5 

mansfield park, jane austen hmmmm... austen is always good but this feels like it’s maybe the one novel of hers that is most negatively affected by values dissonance in that its morality feels like it’s from an alien culture which considers a private theatre performance to be the very height of impropriety (aka regency england apparently); as a result, fanny, a passive, timid, neglected girl of strong convictions often comes across as a moralistic prig (i will make no excuses for edmund, who’s just a patronising sanctimonious prig outright). there’s a quiet sort of triumph in fanny’s integrity & conviction in the face of a literal campaign of harrassment from everyone in her life including the dude she’s in love with to marry a reforming (maybe) rake & i love her for that, but her triumph in returning to mansfield park elevated in the esteem of everyone there (except aunt norris who is delightfully vile) feels empty considering that these are the same people who previously neglected her. also edmund sucks. 3/5 #justice4marycrawford #mary/fannyOTP #alsoarewegonnatalkabouttheslavery #guessnot

fool’s quest (fitz & the fool #2), robin hobb the first one in this trilogy was pretty much slow-paced set-up and character development... this one is much better: there’s a lot going on & the character development feels much more organic & complex - fitz seems to have come down from Peak Dumbass a bit & i really liked how it developed shun (shine!!!) and lant, who felt really one-dimensionally awful last book. also there are so many moments when the farseer family really comes thru for fitz & i cried literally every single time. so yeah. this one’s great, can’t wait for the next one but i also really don’t want it to be over :/ 4/5

what matters in jane austen, john mullan fun little collection of essays looking at specific details and minutae and their meaning/importance in austen’s work - like, how old are the characters (incl. age differences), how do characters address each other, what do games do they play, what about the servants, etc. don’t expect deep litcrit but it’s fun. 2.5/5

dead mountain: the untold true story of the dyatlov pass incident, donnie eichar hello i’m fred & i am obsessed with mountaineering disasters. the dyatlov pass incident refers to a night in 1959 where 9 russian hikers died in the ural mountains after they left their tent half-dressed without shoes for ~mysterious reasons. it’s pretty creepy & theories about it run from ‘avalanche’ to ‘animal [yeti] attack’ to ‘aliens and/or soviet conspiracy theory’. eichar too is super obsessed w/ this mystery and even went to the ural mountains & the dyatlov pass to investigate, which sadly makes for the least interesting (and possibly the longest) part of this book (the other timelines are the dyatlov group hike & the investigations after their deaths). the ‘59 timelines are both interesting tho & provide a good look into how weird the whole thing is. i enjoyed this, but i wish he had cut the endless chapters of him investigating, which is mostly russians being like ‘idk man aliens/radioactivity/secret govt agents?’ and him hiking around in a lot of snow, neither of which really added to his theory or my enjoyment. 2/5

if beale street could talk, james baldwin baldwin’s prose is staggeringly brilliant as always. this is a story about a young black couple (tish, who is the narrator, and fonny) in the 70s who are planning to move together and marry when fonny is wrongly arrested for rape by a racist cop with a grudge; tish and her family try to get him out, especially once tish realises that she’s pregnant. tish is a great narrator, at the same time kind of naive and soft, and full of world-weary cynicism about white institutions and racism, and her narrative voice at times drifts in and out of other characters’ minds, which i found an interesting effect. as many baldwin’s novels this is full of rage & violence & tenderness & tiny sparks of hope. 4/5

lady susan, jane austen epistolary novella about a 35-year-old lady susan, a scheming, ruthless, not-so-grieving widow, who is trying to get her timid daughter frederica married to a buffoon. while staying with her sweetly clueless brother-in-law vernon and trying to win over his much more suspicious wife, she makes the wife’s brother reginald (lol) fall in love with her. a very different protag and story for austen & while the end can’t quite commit to either punishing susan very much or letting her triumph, it is a lot of fun. 3/5

on a sunbeam, tillie walden this is an absolutely beautiful (the colours!) graphic novel about a spaceship crew (the spaceship is a fish) who fly around & restore old space buildings. it’s also a story about a romance between two young girls at a boarding school (in space) and about found families and deep space and there’s not a single man in this, just women and elliot, who’s nonbinary. lovely, dreamy and completely gorgeous. want me a fish spaceship. 4/5

between birthday books and birthday giftcards i also acquired uh.... 12 new books??? which is INSANE. i’m not committing to a book buying ban but i should probably chill a lil in the next few months. 

[seokjins]

i absolutely wanna hear ur au that sounds so good??? hello?"

i was thinking

seokjin’s rise to fame has been quick and a sort of boring story. he was cast as a child actor and had a popular career even before he hit puberty, and then he grew up and got even more attractive than he’d been as a kid and studios everywhere couldn’t get enough of him

the celebrity alienation is something he’s experienced his whole life, and he doesn’t really know much else. he does a lot of fan meeting type events and he goes out and interacts w the public and he’s gifted a lot of stuff and hefty paychecks but other than that he doens’t really have a lot of friends

he’s very familiar w taehyung though, a rising rookie actor who kind of fell into his lap during a project that all the gossip rags said would ruin him for good (he’s always been a blockbuster face, if you will), but it’s just an indie film that he read, out of all the scripts he gets sent through his agent, and so lonely that he really felt he needed more people to see it 

it’s not arrogant for him to think that way because seokjin knows that once he signs to a project, it’ll blow up regardless of how unknown the director is or how obscure and non-mainstream the plot is about 

he thinks it’s refreshing to not be the main character for a while; he’s just some really sad, really lonely person that taehyung’s character meets and they end up discussing a lot about stars and life and things like death no longer scaring him

seokjin doesn’t care about being known, not really. he’s never wanted the fame or the money, just wanted to do something that he loves a lot but eventually can’t find enjoyment in anymore

he has a minor panic attack about this, so he keeps his schedule packed so full that he doesn’t have time off to think about it and his inevitable downfall when he’s 60 and realizes he hasn’t really lived his life since so much of it has been kept strict because of his career as a child actor 

he sees taehyung for a while during filming, and then again at the premier 

someone takes a photo of seokjin coming in from his flight and makes a comment about how Sad he looks, and it goes viral and it’s plastered all over newspapers when OP originally meant to draw attention to the fact that it’s the media themselves that make him so miserable

i guess he and taehyung start dating, after a long time of tae trying to convince him to loosen up and think about things other than his career. things don’t really work out bc their schedules never line up but they’re still good friends anyway

then seokjin runs into hoseok on the street: hoseok who smiles easily, who runs his bakery in the quiet part of town and barely has anything for himself but treats his regulars to a cup of coffee and some pastries, who likes to dance and doesn’t know who seokjin is 

he doesn’t ask for autographs or photos or anything and seokjin ends up going to his bakery to read over scripts and stuff like that … just people watching to get inspiration on how to play his next characters and stuff 

it’s nice, being around someone who’s just happy like that. hoseok has a lot of friends that come in at weird times of day – like namjoon, who’s a professor at seoul national and is too smart for anyone’s good but also spills lemonade all over himself the second tme seokjin’s there 

or jungkook who’s about to graduate and he’s going for music and seokjin sees this…this sort of life in his eyes that he hasn’t had for a long time and calls him over and gets all his information and says that he’ll go talk to some pd’s he knows. 

this place is his own bubble where he gets to see others live their lives and not have to worry about makeup or hair or picking a suit that will make him another internet sensation and trend #1 on melOn search again 

eventually he and hoseok start dating …

by now hope knows who he is because of his friends lol so he’s a little embarrassed to show off his humble lifestyle to seokjin, prince of korea, but seokjin doesn’t care and loves staying in the apartment above his shop all the time

hoseok has all sorts of things in his rooms. polaroids, photos, birthday cards from five yrs ago that still make him laugh so he keeps it up on the wall. things that make him feel human and alive and like he has family 

hope teaches him how to live life the way he should’ve before. he takes jin out clubbing, and then drinking at jimin’s house (jimin lives with namjoon lives with jungkook and NJ’s messy but quiet and when jimin and JK throw parties they throw parties and seokjin finally gets the high school house party experience for the first time in his life) 

and they go shopping for stuff . in the grocery stores and seokjin finally picks up cooking again in the nice kitchen downstairs where theres so much space to move around 

and seokjin doesn’t really know how to show his appreciation except by buying hobi expensive things and trying to take him out to dinner but instead ending up on the rooftop stargazing or something dumb like that 

they finish off a whole bottle of red wine together when it’s a bad day for both of them, and hoseok never says anything when jin has to leave for weeks or even months at a time for his job, just hugs him when he comes back because he loves him and he’s just supporting him in the way he’d support any of his other friends 

i guess they’d just be soft. i didn’t think too far ahead but i want jin to finally learn how to let go and stop working for a couple years so he can live with his boyfriend and eventually maybe propose and get hitched and elope instead of putting a big wedding together, etc 

seokjin gets adopted by hobi’s friend group and when he introduces taehyung to the rest of them it all goes downhill really fast (especially for yoongi lol) and jungkook’s career is off to a great start and yea

i jus want everyone to be happy

[taintedones]

TASK: 009  ::  CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

What are your character’s nicknames, if any?

99% of the people she knows, calls vida by her standard name.  However her grandfather used to refer to her as one of two things:  vee or  kitty,   due to the fact that her hair used to look like a lions mane when she forgot to brush it   &  the fact that   ‘lions were just big cats really’   according to him.

Do they have any bad habits?

yes!    vida bites her fingernails when she feels awkward,   which is most of the time.  she does it in public,   usually it’s her pinky fingers but she’s not overly particular.     her nails are very short because of it.

Do they have any tattoos? If not, would they want one?

she doesn’t currently have one   but  she wouldn’t be opposed to getting one if she could think of a meaningful reason behind it.    though considering vida doesn’t have any real meaningful connections with anything, it’s highly unlikely she’d ever get one.   though she’s the kind of person who you use a pen & some ink to give herself one out of sheer boredom.

Do they have any scars? How did they get them?

due to the fact that little vida was a tearaway she has quite a few.  there’s one at the front of her hairline that she got after running in to a fence when she was a toddler,    though that’s always covered.   considering the amount of times she scraped her knees as a kid,   it’s remarkable that she only has one scar on them, on the left knee from playfighting with her brother once.    the most recent addition is a small mark on the side of her thumb where one of the men she works threw a knife for her to catch --- it did not end well. 

How do they dress most of the time?

once upon a time vida used to wear dresses,      that was a  long  time ago.  nowadays you’ll mostly see her in oversized shirts that reach just above her knee and some thermal socks  or  oddly knit tights.   when it’s colder she’ll put a pair of trousers on but the girls internal thermometer is fucked so that’s rare. she had a single pare of workers boots that she wears   everywhere.     when she’s working she’ll throw a mud brown boiler suit on over it  that,   though she’d never admit it,   is super comfortable.

What words or phrases do they use frequently?

vida is a real idiom machine,     it’s quite disturbing how many old time phrases she knows.       c’est la vie   is a favourite of hers,     simply because it always feels so ironic.      i’ve been chosen to die in front of millions?    c’est la vie.  hope breeds eternal misery is another one she uses often,       there’s part of her that really enjoys raining on people’s parades,    (  there’s another one )   nothing does that quite like making them miserable.      although her most used word would have to be :    no.

If anyone, who do they trust to protect them?

the short answer is;    no one.     vida would like to think that her parents and aise ( her brother )  would protect her if she ever got in to trouble if they were around.  though her parents would be rather useless  whilst  aise would just make the situation one hundred times worse.    she used to trust her grandfather,   then he disappeared  &  that trust disintegrated.     deep down,    she trusts herself to protect her.     though on the surface she even questions that.

Are they argumentative or do they avoid conflict?

that depends on who she’s arguing with.     there have been occasions where she spat back in her parents face when they’ve tried to tell her what was best for her.  if they were living in different times,   maybe she would’ve said more.   however vida finds most conflict pointless so she mostly avoids it.   

Did they have any role models growing up other than their parents?

(  have i mentioned her grandfather yet?       i knot sure i have.  )

her grandfather was always that person she inspired to be like,  purely because he was himself.      his own son shunned him half the time but he didn’t care.    he had this    ‘people can do what they like to me’  attitude  &  a real desire to do what was right.     vida can’t pretend to be as morally fair as he was   but  she takes a lot from him.

When was the time when they were the most frightened?

at seven years old,     vida witnessed some peacekeepers raid a house near hers.     she wasn’t sure what they were looking for at that age, all she paid attention to was a large dog that one of them had.  At one point it made a dash towards her and barked.    despite being yards away,    vida still felt scared.  she didn’t know what was once,     the dog snarling or the peacekeeper who found the thing incredibly amusing.    though the event itself wasn’t overly terrifying,  the nightmares she had after that kept her from sleeping for weeks.   to this day she hates dog-like creatures.    here’s hoping there are no wolves in the arena.

 When was the time when they were the happiest?

vida finds happiness in the smallest of moments usually.    they are few and far between but when she’s happy about something,  the happiness will last for hours.  the happiest she had ever been was before she became disillusioned with life.   around the same age as the peacekeeper/dog incident,   vida was dared to climb a telephone pole by a boy from across the street.   when she reached the top she could see over the fences of district five and out into the woods surrounding them.   it was the first moment she’d really seen other things  &  realised that being high up was fun --- it was also rewarding seeing the look on the boys have.

What is their most embarrassing moment?

when vida was thirteen her mother got tired of having to tidy up her hair for her and decided to chop it all off at her shoulders.   going in to school the next day was horrifying as she thought she looked like a boy.     she considered getting some boys clothes and pretending to be a new student  but since her mother worked there that plan had a few holes.   the first girl who laid eyes on her giggles and vida ran.   though the girl in question hadn’t been laughing at her at all,  she felt humiliated and spent the day sobbing in her grandad’s lap.

Are they optimistic or pessimistic?

pessimistic,      for sure.   various things have lead to that decisions.   to sum it all up,    vida just can’t imagine being optimistic whilst living in a place like panem.  also, what did she have to be optimistic about?

What is their most treasured possession?

a pressed daisy,    which also happens to be her token for the games.  very few flowers grow in the turbine field yet she randomly found this flower whilst laying there one day and preserved it in the pages of a book.    she found it the day before she was reaped for the games and decided to take it to the reaping. a reminder that beauty does exist in this bleak world.

How do they spend a typical Saturday night?

Saturday’s are particularly busy days in the engineering  profession.  it’s the day when they go round to the other work places and fix things that are broken whilst people have time off.  it’s incredibly exhausting and by the time they’ve finished it’s half way through the evening. vida usually walks back through the turbine field because it’s a shorter walk.   there have been occasions where she’s lied down there and had to be brought to bed by her brother or father.  if she makes it home she goes to bed and sleeps until everyone else is asleep, even if she’s not tied. simply because she’s too exhausted to deal with anyone.

What song would you use to describe them?

 ‘performance’  --- the xx.  perfectly explains how vida feels about her family and herself.   ‘I want you to notice but you just don't see. the show is wasted on you, so I perform for me.’     becoming this plain, shy thing rather than the wild child she used to be and realising that it doesn’t help her fit in. yet she stuck with that persona,   now it’s really her.

Are they introverted or extroverted?

introverted.    she likes to let herself believe that it’s because people irritate her but deep down she is quite afraid of peoples perceptions.

Are they organized or messy?

though she may have the appearance of someone who is organised,  vida is VERY messy.    though she doesn’t consider her mess to be ‘mess’ --- it’s just her system of doing things as she likes to see what she has.

What do they like about themselves?

vida knows that she has very intense eyes.   she can communicate purely with looks and that’s something she loves because it means she doesn’t have to talk. 

How do they relax?

the turbine field.    she loves going there to just lie down in the tall grass where no one can see her.    though it’s solitude that really relaxes her.   it doesn’t really matter where she is as long as she’s alone.

What is their ideal date?

vida is aromantic so what most people consider ‘dates’ aren’t really her cup of tea.   though if she were forced to go on a date she’d like it to be just her and whoever she was with. ideally not in a crowded area.  stargazing would be alright,    you don’t have to talk whilst stargazing.  she’d just need something to tell her if she could possibly enjoy the others solo company. 

also with a woman bc gay.

Do they want children? Why or why not?

not in this lifetime.   vida couldn’t imagine bringing children in to panem. she’s also never been good with them,   referring to larks twins as ‘things’ a couple times.    being responsible for a human is    yIKES to her. 

Where do they see themselves in five years?

dead.

What would be their three wishes if they found a genie’s lamp?

for her grandfather to return,  for a invisible bubble she could hop in when she needs to be alone & for things to be simple for her in regards to her family and life.

Describe your character sitting in their favourite spot.

the turbine field,   kind of already covered this but:    she usually starts by sitting down and then gradually relaxes and she de-stresses from the day.   she always leaves with grass stains on the back of her trousers but that doesn’t bother her. she can lay there for hours with her hands behind her head just looking at nothing in particular.