#bc every time I dress in more fun ‘feminine’ clothes I get misgendered

[boojersey]

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

[catboythanatos]

hello i am HERE for cecilos week... ive had a helluva day so everyone say thank you last week me for writing most of this bc i could not have written anything today omg. im SO excited to do this prompt week and to see all of the great content everyone’s gonna make!!!!

Day 1: Fashion/Science!

Cecil Palmer was … an interesting character. Carlos had only been in Night Vale for about a week now, and he was avoiding the radio host like the plague. The embarrassment and surprise of hearing his name on the radio so much had scared him away, and while he was a little intrigued, he would just rather avoid that problem entirely until Cecil inevitably forgot about him and moved on.

He had only formally met Cecil once, and he had been in the middle of some ... very important science at the time. Carlos would probably describe Cecil as a man who was not tall nor short, not thin nor fat, but that's about as far as he could go, since he did not make eye contact once during their entire encounter, out of the nervousness of never knowing which eye to look at, which was heightened by the fact that Cecil seemed to have three.

The day of that encounter, he was teased by all of his coworkers when they heard about it on the radio, and he had not gone back to the radio station since.

But of course, you can only successfully avoid someone for so long…

Out at the Ralph's buying groceries, something caught Carlos’ eye. It wasn't polite or proper to stare, so Carlos refrained, but he glanced down the aisle a few times to catch glimpses.

The person was facing away from Carlos and into the aisle. The outfit they were wearing was eye-catching in almost every way imaginable. Their shirt, a red crop-top, had long, semi-transparent bell sleeves that stretched down almost to the floor, and their pants were a shiny metallic silver. From these two things alone, Carlos was given the impression of some sort of avant garde fashionista, but then there was more. To top the whole outfit off, they were wearing lime green crocs. Now, Carlos didn't know enough about fashion to really make any assumptions, but it certainly caught his eye, to say the least.

The person turned, and he quickly turned back at the macaroni and cheese on the shelf in front of him so he wouldn't be caught looking. He didn't realize that the person was walking towards him until he heard:

“Carlos! Hey!”

Carlos looked up, and was surprised as he met Cecil's eyes.

“O-oh,” he said. “Hi.”

“You shop here? Wow, that's so crazy, right?”

Carlos ignored the fact that this was the only grocery store in Night Vale, and the fact that Cecil was being awkward. He found himself staring at Cecil's exposed midriff.

“Carlos?”

“Uhm. Yeah.”

“How are you settling in?” Cecil shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and his wispy sleeves swayed across the floor.

“Fine,” said Carlos. “Um… It’s good. Everything is… good. You know, science… and whatnot.”

“I'm glad to hear it. Anyway, I, um, should finish on with my grocery shop here, and leave you to yours.”

Carlos nodded, turning to the mac n’ cheese again, wishing he was wearing a lighter jacket. It was hot in the Ralph's today.

“I do need some macaroni, though.”

Cecil reached for a box at the same time as Carlos did, and their fingers brushed up against each other. They each pulled away, laughing awkwardly.

“I’m sorry--”

“I--”

“No, you go ahead.”

Carlos didn't move. He looked from Cecil's hand, up to his face. His breath caught in his throat.

“Sure,” he choked finally, grabbing the box off the shelf without looking and dropping it into his cart. “Thanks.”

---

After that second encounter, Carlos was only more determined to avoid Cecil. Well, truthfully, he wanted to spend more time with him, but he was getting feelings he didn't know how to react to and thought it would be easier to pretend that he didn't exist. Of course, listening to Cecil detail their interaction over the radio certainly didn't help.

He was lucky to have been in the car, by himself at the time of hearing the broadcast, because his fellow scientists would definitely have teased him, both for the way he acted and the way Cecil talked about him.

The next time Carlos saw Cecil, he was wearing a polka-dotted button-up tucked into a high-waisted skirt, and the fuzziest looking jacket Carlos had ever seen. He wore round, purple sunglasses, which had a third lense that covered his forehead. Previously, Carlos had been sure that the eye on Cecil's head was just a tattoo or something, but this was mildly disturbing evidence to the contrary. Or he was just very committed to the aesthetic, which did not seem unlikely, given the rest of his outfit choices.

“Hi, Carlos!”

“Cecil, hi!”

Despite not wanting eye contact before, Carlos felt mildly intimidated suddenly that he wasn't able to see Cecil's eyes. It made him feel vulnerable, for some reason. It was Cecil's outfit in general that probably intimidated him, though.

Carlos looked down to the sand-strewn pavement beneath their feet. Cecil wore knee-high black boots with a heel too high for Carlos to even imagine walking in. It definitely made him appear tall, which normally, he was not.

“How's … science? Have you found anything particularly scientific recently?”

Carlos took a small breath and allowed himself to detach from the situation. Science was something he could always talk about, no matter the circumstance or situation.

“Lots of things,” said Carlos. “...Almost everything, actually. Your town is… incredible.”

Cecil laughed, and Carlos looked up to see him blushing, and also sweating. A lot.

Carlos was sweating too. He wasn't sure if it was for the same reason.

“Everything here is… strange,” Carlos continued. “And beautiful.”

Cecil’s breath audibly caught in his throat. Carlos realized what he had done a little bit too late to stop it.

“What kinds of things?”

Carlos was glad that he couldn't see Cecil's eyes at that moment, because he would definitely not have been able to handle the eye contact.

“E-everything.” He faltered. “Science things, I mean. Like, um, the materials. And the sunsets being out of time. And loud? The sunsets are also loud.”

“They can be quite loud,” Cecil agreed. “The materials, though. You mean the materials you found in my studio?”

Carlos blanched. There hadn't really been any materials. He had been there to meet Cecil that day, and he had gotten flustered and grasped at straws for an excuse. “Um… Yes…?”

“Did you learn anything new about them?”

Carlos shook his head. “N...no.”

Cecil scratched an itch on his leg, and his hand left an imprint on his velvet skirt. Carlos stared at it. “No…” he repeated absentmindedly. “I'll, um, I'll tell you if I find anything new,” he said, promptly fleeing.

Carlos wasn't sure if it was him, or Cecil, or what, but something about Cecil was overwhelming in an unprecedented way. He would never judge someone on what they wore, or their appearance, but something about Cecil and his outfits were just… distracting. He considered himself too busy with work to unpack the reasons and feelings behind that for a long time. An entire year, actually. Apart from chance encounters here and there, he would not see Cecil without strictly and explicitly stating scientific reasons. Not that he didn't appreciate Cecil's affections… he just didn't know how to deal with them. Luckily, that only lasted a year, and it only took one near death experience to open up his eyes.

On their first date, Carlos selected one of his most stylish lab coats, in an attempt to impress Cecil with his fashion sense. Cecil had looked so dashing in his tunic and furry pants.

Carlos later learned that avant garde high fashion was not exactly Cecil's grand inspiration. He was a lot lazier with how he dressed than Carlos had imagined. Sometimes he would even sleep in one of his over-the-top outfits and wear it again the next day. He did consider himself ‘spared from the sphere’ (a notion which terrified Carlos greatly) but he wore mostly whatever he found comfortable and suiting for the day. He didn't even own a mirror, which initially struck Carlos as peculiar. This wasn't to say that he put no effort in, of course not -- he definitely went over the top for aesthetic purposes frequently. But he didn't own a mirror. He just sort of looked down at his outfit and decided, ‘sure, this works.’ Or maybe he didn't even look at all. It fascinated Carlos -- who typically spent a lot of time fussing with his hair and clothing in the mirror every morning. Many things about Cecil fascinated Carlos. But his fashion sense… Carlos had different feelings towards it than just fascination.

Night Vale was incredibly scientifically fascinating, but Carlos’ interest in their fashion wasn't really scientific. It was one part awe and two parts envy. Carlos envied Cecil. He tended to dress in ‘scientific casual’, as he called it, but he had more of an affinity for fashion than he let on…. But he had never been able to express himself that way in the outside world. He already got made fun of enough for having pierced ears… he wouldn’t dare venture into clothing items considered ‘feminine’ by the world. In Night Vale, though… no one judged. Everyone was accepting. It still took him quite a while to build up the courage, to stop hiding behind the comfort of his jeans and flannel shirts and lab coats, but he eventually brought it up to Cecil, a few weeks into their relationship. Cecil was understanding, and more than happy to help.

The first time he went clothes shopping with Cecil, Carlos almost started crying right in the middle of the store. Crop tops, skirts, sequins, glitter, tights, stilettos -- anything you could dream of -- and it was all unisex. There were dresses made for men and dresses made for women. He could wear whatever the hell he wanted and nobody would question him. No one would shout expletives at him in the streets, no one would misgender him, he had no family here to judge him... Cecil, despite his total sense of normalcy with all of this, seemed to understand perfectly. He threaded his fingers through Carlos' at his side, and softly asked: “Anything you wanna try on?”

Carlos’ eyes gleamed. “So many things.”

---

When he walked into the lab for the first time in a dress, he was greeted with the first catcall he had heard in quite a while.

Carlos felt a little embarrassed, but he didnt feel threatened by wolf whistles coming from his coworkers.

“Damn, boss!”

He laughed. “Got it, Nils, I’m hot. But I'm here to do my job -- be professional. I'm also,” he said pointedly, snatching his lab coat and goggles off the desk, “taken.”

Nilanjana whooped. Another scientist rolled his eyes. “Trust me, we all listen to the radio. We know.”

Carlos didn't know what to say, so he just winked at them, giving a little twirl of his dress. Nilanjana shot him a smile. “On a serious note, though,” she whispered, “I'm glad to see you embracing Night Vale fashion. It suits you.”

Carlos looked down at the dress, grinning. He thought so too.

[androidboy]

so i am trans and have bpd. i knew a person when i was like 13 who told me she was trans and it sort of felt.... right? but now that ive learned so much more about bpd it makes me wonder if i mirrored my friend all those years ago and am not actually trans. its even worse because lately ive been feeling like i would be okay presenting as my assigned gender at birth as long as it's my choice, but im afraid that people would judge me or think im a liar and that i would harm the trans community]

i’m gonna tell u right off the bat that bpd causes identity issues. it’s what’s causing your doubt, it’s not causing you to be trans.

gender is about how u identify. what pronouns you like. it’s about nothing else. clothes, shoes, makeup, accessories, they’re all genderless.

as someone who didn’t kno they were a guy for the first 16/17 years of their life, i actually really like makeup and dresses and skirts and heels. i think all of that is fun. the only thing that’s stopping me from wearing those things often is bc i don’t want to be misgendered so usually when i do my makeup, i don’t go anywhere. i had an identity crisis like yours a couple months ago bc i really wanted to start presenting feminine again but i came to realize it was just bc i fucking liked it and i had been trying too hard to be super masculine to pass all the time and that’s just not me. hell sometimes i can even go a week being misgendered and not feel any dysphoria but i’ll still get uncomfortable with being called “miss” and “girl” and “young lady” and she/her pronouns if it’s for a long period of time.

being trans and wanting to dress and act in ways society tells you doesn’t go along with your gender is okay! i would recommend presenting the way you want to present for a while and figure out what you want to be called. explore a bit. every single binary trans person ive talked to has said they’ve had days where they don’t really feel 100% their gender. it’s natural.

even if at the end of all your exploring you decide that you like the gender you were born with that’s okay bc gender is something that has been scientifically proven to change over time for some people!

this got a bit ramble-y but ily and i hope this helped and u can talk to me literally Whenever abt this