#bc I gotta make this a cycle of events

[all-lars-bars]

Thinking about an AU where The Operator transports the gang as lil kiddins into the middle of season three, and now Tim and Jay have to look after this gaggle of kids

[bubba-draws]

Hello, could I ask you for some Radiant Vessel Hollow AU stuff? What's the general lore behind that, how did those two end up as they did and just general brainrot on the idea?

Anon this is the best birthday present ever bc i've been thinking about this au for a while now AND I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT AAAA

SO pretty much the au was born from the idea of "Wouldn't it be fucked up if Hollow ended up joining Radi?" partial inspiration comes from this song as well!

(There's a bunch of subtitles in different languages but I'm going with the english one)

To summarize, after years of fighting Radi inside their mind prison, Radi changes tactics and attempts to make Hollow join her, she promises to give them all that was taken from them, the life they deserved

Hollow doesn't fall right away of course, they try to ignore her, fight her, but after years of the same dance and song they start getting tired, no matter how hard they try Radi is never fully gone when they fight, their void not strong enough to rip her apart, and being the only one with them (The dreamers are also in Hollow's mind prison, but they're not anywhere nearby these two) they can't help but lean on her company

The closest thing I could get to describe their relationship at this point is an odd sense of solidarity, in a way both of them were done wrong by the same guy, and while it does take a lot for Hollow to understand this, deep down they knew there was a bit of resentment towards PK, one that grows in intensity the more these two spend together, and it erupts when they succumb to Radi and she turns them into a vessel for her

It's kinda like what Grimm and the Nightmare heart has going on (or at least the general HC most people got) Hollow made a deal with Radi, she will lend her powers and energy to Hollow for them to call anytime they want, to go back so she can see the world through their eyes (disclaimer: not all the time btw ASHFJKAS just when its necessary/Hollow calls her) there's no cycle of rebirth or anything here though, she's also no longer limited to Hollow's mind, she can see the whole Dream Realm now

So yeah, once Hollow is used to their new powers (and body, they got some changes in appearance) they take down the dreamers, escape the black egg, their presence making the infection spread like a wildfire and take down PK :3 (WL escaped, the knights... yeah they dont make it)

There's still some ideas I gotta clean up after this point, but I talked about this with some people and got the idea that yeah, Hollow does take over Hallownest and its people, everyone is infected to some degree? makes them more agreeable to what's going on but its not enough to make them feral anymore, some of the bugs that got modifications through the infection stay like that and while still a bit volatile, they can think enough to understand things

As for their relationship??? It's odd as fuck KJHSDFJKAH there's nothing romantic, that's for sure, it is definetely more similat to a Lord and their subordinate, but theyre like??? very close?? almost familial, when there's no job to do or Hollow needs reassurance Radi becomes the closest thing to a motherly figure they could get (Even if WL loved them there was no way she couldve shown them that) but its not enough for them to call each other family

as for the game events it would completely change, Ghost would arrive to a completely different Hallownest, where everyone is happy and nice, but the more u progress the game u realize shit's fucked up, Hornet is there as well and she came back to Hallownest to seek revenge for her mother

As to what happens to the abyss and pile of dead siblings, i'm still a bit unsure, part of me thinks Hollow wouldnt want to get rid of it but part of me knows Radi wouldnt let them have it open or even go in there, while still void the light she bestowed upon them would present a threat for the shades living there

and that's most of what I got! I still need to think of other things, but if u guys got other questions or ideas I would love love LOVE to hear them!! :D

have a quick doodle of them :3

[pumpkinsy0]

hello favorite outsiders acc ever, i saw you say you hc ponyboy with bpd on your mental health post for everyone. can you expand on your thoughts a little more? would love to hear them :3

heyyyy super cool anon whats uppp :33

AND IVE WAITED SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT THIS, THERE IS A GOD🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

i hope this gives u a general idea as to what i mean, and for anyone who realizes when say something wrong, pls do correct me about it i hope i portrayed everything correctly🙏🏽🙏🏽

ALRIGHT SO PONY W BPD

•allow me to preface by saying im not hc’ing 14 year old pony w bpd, its him when he gets older where it presents itself, if i remember correct, bpd shows its symptoms when ppl r like around 18 and into their 20’s??? around that time period is where it peaks, so this is more of an older ponyboy thing

•now as for how he got it, we can throw in obvious factors such as his parents dying, his friends dying, but one i think is swept under the rug a bit is that he pretty much has to be pretty worried about getting jumped or harmed somehow, its not like he lives in a safe area

•however even if u dont wanna believe that bit about getting jumped, bpd is typically associated w long term trauma’s but single event traumas can also lead u into having bpd, especially in ponys case where the deaths in his life happened pretty close to each other, so either way u flip it i think its pretty believable

•i think the first symptom he’d really feel the effect of first is that numbness, in the book its canon that pony constantly lies to himself and this is just one if the things he lies to himself about as he grows up, he tells himself that its just a passing thing or he just straight up fakes his emotions to not pay attention to that

•pony has a HUGE fear of abandonment, i dont think i gotta explain myself here its pretty obvious, however this does lead to him having paranoia about the ppl he loves dying, even disassociating for a while over it and he needs constant reassurance

•his disassociating leads to him missing a lot of time and not working on things he rlly should b

•when it comes to his self image pony just, doesnt know WHAT he wants, he doesnt have a clear sense of who he is, his values change, his friends change, he doesnt know whats going on w himself at all and he lays in bed a lot of the time just thinking about it

•going back to this feeling of emptiness, it causes pony to act impulsively just to cope, he smokes a lot, he drives recklessly, and he binge eats, and all this just complicates how he feels about himself which circles back to him not knowing what he wants from himself

•and then finally, pony constantly contradicts himself, for example, pony says he wants to build these close relationships, however he keeps pushing ppl that want to help him away, mostly bc hes scared that they’ll leave him, but then be has these moments where hes begging for them to be with him again but he pushes them away once again and its a weird cycle for him, and as soon as he realizes what hes doing he shuts himself off bc he feels like a bad person

•when it comes to his mood, i think he knows that he keeps on switching up how he feels, and bc of that after he goes through his mood swings and he realizes what he's done, he feels this sense of shame and then tried to just not talk at all just to “save himself”

•bc this is pony when hes older i could see this affecting his grades quite a but and that gets darry to get on him about it, and his relationship w darry is where that unstable relationship bit comes into play

•HOWEVERRRRR bc of how he responds to darry, that leads soda into stepping in to try and help but pony just feels like hes being laughed at????persecuted???? idk the word for it, but it makes pony feel worse so he can go from loving soda, to then wanting to not be around him within a few minutes, so his relationship w soda is where it becomes more obvious when it comes to unstable relationships

• now bc bpd and bp both have similar symptoms/effects on a person, and i hc angela as having bp, i could see curly recognizing the similarities between the two and he tries helping pony when he can, but at the end of the day, curly is one person and he doesnt know what to do, bc he doesnt have the resources available to help, he can barely help himself

•maybe curly got darry and soda to realize something was up w pony or somethin

gonna stop myself here bc i refuse to go on a yap sesh lmao

[super-paper]

This might sound weird. In my viewpoint AFO feels like a child trapped in a grown man's body with his attitude and mindset. A man-child if you will. He's trying to enact childish fantasies onto the world, this obsession may stem from an event he experienced in his youth. He feels like a kid, felt it again when he blamed Kudou this chapter. In a better world AFO would've gone into the age regression community to get his chance to act out his childish impulses in a safe environment to process whatever trauma he endured instead of taking it out on the world.

YEAH I'M LOVING IT BC

Hori typically uses child imagery to like, show characters at their most vulnerable and honest and represent like the "naked essence" of who they really are. AFO rewinding into a literal child plays with those expectations, in a way-- but in this case, AFO "at his most honest/vulnerable" is almost monstrous in its depiction:

Like, AFO's got some pretty heavily implied hang ups about feeling powerless/being powerless and he uses escapism + the constant degradation of others to distance himself as far as he can from those hang ups. I wouldn't be surprised if his backstory ends up depicting some horrible violation of his own autonomy where he was treated as subhuman/toyed with-- and he's now attempting to inflict that same feeling of powerlessness on everyone else. Instead of healing from whatever trauma he experienced, he's become a slave to it. Of course, there's always a chance I'm reading into this too much-- But Hori's been pretty consistent in his depiction of abuse as a cycle (esp. with the Kotaro-Tenko and Endeavor-Touya plots), so tbh, it would strike me as an odd writing choice if he decided "yeah, AFO just woke up one day and decided to Be Like That."

And I've said this before on twitter, but like-- AFO is SUCH an Umineko/"Witch" coded character. It's one of the reasons I find him so fascinating, bc I've always loved the way umineko depicts coping mechanisms in severely traumatized/abused individuals and how it depicts abuse as a vicious cycle:

In Umineko, "a witch" is typically a manifestation that's born from a person's horrible trauma (or from a person's "will" to overcome that trauma and escape from an otherwise inescapable fate). They're born from humans who have been violated in some terrible way and who are desperate to redefine themselves as something powerful-- something that transcends that pain, something that pain can no longer "touch." They reclaim a sense of agency over their trauma/abuse/etc by adopting powerful alter egos who blend fiction and reality-- but ultimately, it's all still a form of escapism.

It's hard not to see the similarities between how umineko defines "witches" and how mha defines "villains"-- especially with characters like AFO, Tomura, and Dabi who have all adopted trauma-based alter egos-slash-identities and who attempt to reclaim "agency" over their trauma in intensely destructive ways.

Like.... so much of heroaca is just "my trauma takes the form of a powerless child because that's how it made me feel, and that's how it still makes me feel even though I'm not a child anymore-- but what if you could see that?" and then AFO won't even allow that much bc he's throwing his whole afoussy into rejecting MHA's usual tactics for humanization and instead going "OH??? YOU LIKE CUTE KIDS???? YOU LIKE CUTE INNOCENT WEEPY KIDS?? I'LL SHOW YA'LL CUTE *rips his entire face open*". We gotta respect his commitment to the bit, I guess, but at the same time jesus fuckin' christ dude.😬

[memberment]

morning everyone

I wasn't gonna make an update post today bc I've been like

kinda debbie downer as fuck & I'm not feeling super yappy.

but I'm literally working on Knockin' On Heaven's Door (36) and Genesis is actually almost done.

Wish me luck at work may or may not update more later<3

(2:51) I'm giggling to myself over how significant 3's and 7's were to this story before I decided to include the seven seals of the apocalypse in it. I am currently writing the seven trumpets and

LOSING MY MIND.

(8:43) Y'ALL I'M BACK FROM WORK WITH TWO NEW FIC CONCEPTS (well, one new one, one might just be implemented into a more casual fic bc the idea itself is really funny but I need an actual plot for it.)

BUT ONE OF THEM REVOLVES AROUND HALLOWEEN SO WHEN I'M DONE ALL OF MY PROJECTS ARE GETTING PUSHED BACK BC THIS IS GONNA BE SOOOOOO FUN.

(also I'm done being sad for rn I gen thought I was gonna get fired today (not at all my fault btw) but I didn't! so yippie!<3)

(9:45) guys idk if this isn't reading as ominous because Im genuinely so desensitized to all things spooky and I've been working on this for like, days straight (again) or if it's not reading as ominous because it's not.

which makes me wanna scream bc that means I'm gonna have to wait A WHILE BEFORE I LET MYSELF ACTUALLY PROPERLY REREAD THIS LMAOOOO (this is actually so annoying)

(2:27) okay so I got distracted for like three hours on this Halloween project but then decided I didn't want to write it so I'm back on Genesis....

Guys...

I didn't know exactly how I wanted the exact end sequence to happen. Like I had a lot of ideas, some I kept.

BUT WHEN I FUCKING TELL YOU GUYS.

I was cursing myself bc I'm allowed to have creative freedom and I made Wendy and Brimmy close bc I just phoned it in idk and I got in to deep to change it but I was like wait no that's stupid why did I do that but then I was like no fuck it we ball Brimmy and Wendy duo it's fine (I genuinely love them ngl, I will be writing them again)

THAT WAS THE WORST THING I COULD'VE DONE BC IT JUST MADE THE SEQUENCE OF EVENTS AT THE END THAT MUCH MORE FUCKING UPSETTING.

I don't know how to cope with this...

Oh also I'm writing 37 rn. We're at 113.5k.

I'm literally almost done. I actually feel sick LMFAOOOO

(2:38) It's not done but I just finished 37. I feel like I'm about to go into shock... I'm at 114k and IN SHOCKKKKK.

Like, I still gotta fill in a few flashbacks and finish up chapter 32, but WOW.

This is like, done. My life is ruined.

(7:05) guys pls tell me how I have just been like in giggle and kick my feet reading ff gear since I finished genesis bc I cant bear to reread and fully finish it tn

and my all of my playlists are cycling through

and Im just like reading this cute lil ff that is HEALING ME after all the shit I just put my cast through

and Baby Kia starts playing. Like my brother in christ it is 7 in the morning…

I am laughing so hard over this I had to sit up and restart one of my playlists bc I cant rn

no one needs to listen to BK at 7am

ANYWAYS after I go to bed (I lowk might stay up to finish reading this fic tho Im on 8/14 and I am NOTORIOUS for picking something up and not sleeping til I finish it if its under 100k (were not discussing this) and I am very invested) I might be MIA all day bc physics labs and my first exam are both due tm.

I probably wont be MIA all day bc I wanna start my halloween project (that all of like two people will prob find as funny as I do, and Im totally fucking fine with that bc I gencthink its so funny.)

OH AND ALSO I decided that this halloween project may be apart of the morning glory/dandelion verse but well get to that when we get there

[gingerpeachtea]

tell me more about something’s in your eyes??:)

(wip list game!)

BITCHHHH I LITERALLY LOOKEF AT THIS ASK LIKE THE WENDY WILLIAMS GIF LEMME FIND IT

YEAHHHHHH BABYYYYYY okay i can’t give you any excerpts bc i feel like i’ve already posted so many and also every line is a spoiler at this point 😭😭 but i would LOVE to talk about it so here we go!!!!

it might end up being my longest posted fic but i’m not sure yet; we’re teetering on the edge of 4k (3,853 words currently) with multiple scenes (…/flashbacks Smirk Emoji) left to write. but also take that number with a grain of salt bc i do this insane thing when writing where if i think of an alternate phrasing for something i just. put it right next to the original. or if i need to rework a paragraph i’ll copy and paste it and rework it directly below the original so i can compare them side by side. my current longest posted fic is lose your faith in me with 4.3k so maybe it’ll be longer than that !! :3

this fic drives me INSANEEEEEEEEEEE every time i read it. truly am NEVERRRR going to shut up about it once it’s posted. idk when that will be but it WILL happen eventually I SWEAR. u know how i go fucking insane every time i read that line from when memories snow “let me take you home on my lunch break. please.” yeah i have that reaction to at least one line every paragraph. bitch it’s INSANE.

here are the tags >:3

i forget this fic was infiltrated by my polyland insanity brain worms every single time without fail and then i’ll read a line and be like OMG??????? as if i didn’t literally write it

genuinely i have never edited a fic as much as i’ve edited this one. i think this fic is… two years in the making as of 2025? probably technically 1 1/2 or something but i don’t remember when i started it so🧚

i feel like the tags don’t necessarily give an indication of the plot but idk how much of the plot i wanna give away 👀 i might’ve talked about it before but i’m not sure??

mike punches someone (not briggs). i think that’s all i’ll say for now >:]

not important but the jakes inclusion in this fic is very much why is hoseok da bus driver all of da sudden sorry jakes stans (me and maybe 2 other people on planet earth. shoutout to those 2 other crazy bitches tho‼️‼️)

this fic is entirely about mike’s trauma and i’ve actually been struggling to balance how much of paul’s trauma to include (considering it’s so similar and mikebriggs cycles narrative foils etc etc you understand). there are lines that Hint at the backstories and the effects of canon events on other characters, but it all varies based on mike’s heavily limited perspective and what i think he realistically wouldn’t or wouldn’t be privy to. a good example of this is this moment from somewhere in the haze:

the context, of course, is charlie seeing mike and thinking of finding whistler dead on the bathroom floor. i thought that this was something briggs knew about and mike didn’t, not sure if that’s actually true in canon but even if not, briggs having been there with charlie when it happened would be able to immediately make that connection and know where charlie’s mind had gone.

of course, the hints in something’s in your eyes are certainly not as heavy-handed, where it is directly pointed out that there is something mike is “on the outskirts of”—the fic is quite literally about secrets. it is also not so easily resolved as this particular example is, where charlie tells mike in the last scene the context for her reaction. many things are instead left unsaid because. y’know. secrets. >:)

the particular example of this i’m thinking of in siye is actually about jakes. goddd there’s this one jakesbriggs moment where…no……i shan’t say. it’s literally the only jb moment in the entire fic and it’s like five words total probably but bitchhhhh u gotta pick up what im putting down!!! the Context… coconut tree etc etc… u gotta Think it’s a Thinker. thinkerbell? i’m tired

i use the tiny moments of info that mike is or isn’t privy to in order to show the closeness of the polycule and show how open other characters (cough cough johnny and charlie cough cough!!!) are in comparison to mike’s repressed ass. lowkey one of those things i didn’t even realize i did until i read it back and was like WTF!!!! I DID THAT

every time i write for this fic i feel like the fucking horse post!!!!! this one!!!!!! EVERY TIME!!!!!!

okay i’ve said. a lot i think maybe. hope u all enjoyed <3 SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

(fun fact i had to go back and add the link to the wip list game after writing this entire post bc i got so excited to talk abt this fic i just swan dived right into it)

[kachimera]

Mathias/Leon for the ship opinion bingo!

I love this pair of divorced fuckers so much aaaaa *goes feral*

The turn from genuine affection to divorce, them being knight-buddies in the war, the day-night opposites theme they got going on, the tragedy breeding tragedy, how Leon kept his integrity despite having his heart stomped on again and again while Mathias lost himself, that last conversation in which Leon saves himself and Mathias finally loses the last person he had, how they turn into enemies, the mutual hurt and denial, and how their fallout kickstarted the cycle of death and rebirth we see in the franchise, it all has a gorilla grip on my poor little brain and i have learned to accept it :^)

Another thing is, LoI's narrative has the particularity of depending a lot on past events and characters while also brushing over said past events and characters (#Justice4Elizabetha) and this includes these two so while this is a pain it also gives lots of freedom for headcanons and different situations (aka you gotta hallucinate half the story for it to work). You can go from platonic or familiar to romantic with this two and it works (not at the same time tho. Unless it's done on purpose to be extra problematic that can work).

I personally think of them having this mix of friendship and secret courtly love, this including an slight power imbalance bc of Mathias being older, cunning and more experienced and Leon being emotionally dependent to a degree bc orphan issues. This imbalance is well managed since both respect and see eachother as equals, until Elizabetha kicks the bucket and welp, it ends poorly :)

So yea to resume these two make gr8 lovers to enemies and im insane bye

[i-smell-sarcasm]

Hmm maybe

Again I gotta rewatch the show, mainly to have the full picture without me trying to guess what's gonna happen next and actually focus lol

For me the main theme, while incorporating the cycle of violence, is also about our bonds with others and how they're unbreakable. Silco and Vander having their falling out (Silko killing Vander) and still having affection for each other (Silco visiting Vander's statue and having a drink), Powder and Vi being separated and obviously still needing and loving each other, Ekko insisting Powder is gone only to not actually be able to kill Jinx, etc, etc. And it even connects with the overarching political plot, even after everything Piltover and Zaun are connected when having to fight a catastrophic event

Maybe it could be linked with how Jinx believes everyone who loves her will end up getting hurt and that's why she left? I could see her surviving the fall and watching Vander's corpse and just... Blaming herself again? Like the whole "I'll always be with you even if we're worlds apart"? But a part of me thinks that for Jinx at least, ending the cycle of violence is making amends with Vi and Ekko

Even then though, I really don't like death fake outs if they don't have really big consequences on the character themselves, bc then it just feels like all the emotion out into the "death" scene falls flat in a rewatch. If there are really big consequences, even in a rewatch the "death" scene still feels like a death

Maybe I'll change my opinion, maybe not

But it's fun to discuss!

I need to rewatch the show before I settle my opinion on anything

HOWEVER

I think the only way I will accept Jinx being alive is if leaving wasn't her choice. Like she survived the explosion but was knocked out/has amnesia/something

Bc I just can't see her leaving the people who, despite everything, loved her and I just don't think it meshes well with the theme of Arcane

[culminada]

If I don't have the spoons to do something, I don't do it.

Or, if it's not worth spending the spoons, I don't spend them. I COULD exert myself and spend extra spoons on a given thing; the question is, is it worth that many spoons?

And a lot of the time it's not. For neurotypicals, brushing your teeth or taking a shower everyday is the most sensible use of time and energy for how much benefit it brings. For me, it's not, because it takes that many more spoons.

The trick is in manipulating how I FEEL about my decision after I've made it. On the one hand, I have to trust myself and my assessment. I gotta be okay chillaxing, marking it up as a loss, and moving on. I'm very good at this. I also have fewer pressures from a neurotypical society because I have a good relationship with my parents and was homeschooled; I haven't learned to feel bad about not matching some ideal. (My mom also is at least ADHD if not also autistic, and for much of my childhood didn't have the spoons to make me brush my teeth every night.)

At base, though, it's simply knowing yourself, being able to trust yourself, and having good enough boundaries to not care what people who don't matter might think of you. If you don't have the spoons to go to that event, don't go. Sure, it's not fun to have to miss an event you were excited for, but if you don't have the spoons then you don't have the spoons; or if it takes more spoons than you were expecting, or you're lower on spoons today than you were expecting, you have to make that call.

You're the only one who can. Everything in life, really, comes down to the question: is it worth it? Is it worth it to care, to act, to express? If not, then don't - and don't sweat it.

I see a lot of neurodivergent memes along the lines of, "worrying bc I'm not being productive -> worry keeps me from being productive-> worry bc I'm not being productive -> repeat cycle," and I don't relate to this because I don't worry abt not being productive.

If I do worry? Then I think what I can do to fix it and ask if that's worth it. If not, I say, too bad so sad, no need to be upset. I made this decision and it's the only sensible decision, now I'll enjoy what I can. The rest for example. Or my special interest. Or sleep.

If I CANT do the thing - e.g., trapped in executive dysfunction - then if I've genuinely tried, and spent as many spoons as I'm willing to on trying, then I can safely give up. I did my best, and so what if I got nothing done? Don't be so hard on myself. I did my best.

If I 1) have made a decision (e.g. I'm not going to the event) and feel bad enough about not going (bc I really did want to go), then I may re-evaluate. Since I've realized I want to go to this thing more than I thought I wanted it, does that mean it's worth spending more spoons? How many more? Is it enough to actually go? Do I want to go bad enough to spend all the spoons I need to?

If so, I go! Yay! I usually enjoy myself. Sometimes there's consequences (e.g. no spoons for something else). I try to consider those when making my decision though. If I decide its not worth the spoons, I don't go. I chillax. I don't sweat it.

Sweating it takes spoons, don't you know. I've got those in short supply. I gotta save them for important things that I DO care enough to spend spoons on.

Sometimes, a given thing takes spoons to let go of. Change is hard for the autistic brain. Sometimes it deals -10hp to spoon storage and that can't be helped. Sometimes, it can be helped with logic and autonomy. I get to make the final decision if I do the thing or not. That's autonomy.

I'll say this: I rarely face a situation where I dont HAVE spoons at all in the first place. Couldn't do it even if I was willing to spend 100 spoons because I don't have them. Maybe this is because I'm good at managing my spoons, have an understanding family, environment, and my culture doesn't expect outrageous things of me (*cough cough* graduation *cough cough* college *cough cough* a job), or maybe I just have the autism 'milder.'

Regardless, for neurodivergents and neurotypicals alike, knowing how to manage your anxiety, spoons, and autonomy is important.

The few times I've simply not had the spoons, it's been awful. Autonomy is one of the big huge things that helps me manage my life and feel okay about myself. One morning a few weeks ago I couldn't work (executive dysfunction because I wasn't dressed in the right clothes) and I couldn't get dressed (too many spoons, also would take way too long). And I sat and cried because I'd been trying all week to get to work. (I work for my father btw.) I'd been tweaking my sleep schedule, trying to get off Tumblr the Executive Function Destroyer, etc. For a week and I finally was at a place where I was 1) awake, 2) not getting bogged down with things all morning, 3) capable of working, and... I wasn't actually capable of working. For something wholly outside my control.

I WANT to work. I enjoy my work. I enjoy the people I'm with. I want to impress the people I'm with. I DON'T want to disappoint them. We have a vision and I'm enthusiastic about it. Our project is amazing and I want to help. AND I COULDN'T.

Thats awful. I don't know how people deal with it regularly.

Having to stress about things, I think, takes a huge toll on spoons. If you can't do a thing, then don't, and don't sweat it. Maybe it helps to have a higher power to trust in, because I know it does for me - but please. Don't stress it. You're only hurting yourself. Make the decision once, maybe twice, and let it rest.

[grubloved]

"In Australia, Cosmos recently reported a fossil discovery that revealed giant birds, reptiles and marsupials died out 40,000 years ago due to extreme climatic conditions and environmental degradation.

Across the Pacific, a new study published in the journal Nature Communications has linked North American megafauna extinctions during the Late Quaternary to extreme temperature changes – not with overhunting by humans, as suggested by some.

More than 10,000 years ago, many giant critters roamed the continent, including mammoths (Mammuthus) and enormous beavers (Castoroides), horses, ground sloths (Megalonyx) and a one-tonne armadillo look-alike, the Glyptodon.

What drove their extinction is a “contentious topic”, according to Mathew Stewart from Germany’s Max Planck Institute and team, led by senior author Huw Groucutt.

Some blame human population growth and the arrival of highly skilled “big-game” hunters around 14,000 years ago, for which the giant animals were no match. Others argue that archaeological evidence doesn’t support this notion, pointing to climatic and ecological disruptions."

[...]

"Results [of this new study by Huw Groucutt et al] showed megafauna populations had no associations with human numbers but were consistently correlated with temperature. As North America warmed up their numbers increased, and their subsequent declines and extinctions coincided with the cold snap.

However, the team says the story is likely to be much more complex and needs to be considered along with ecological changes associated with climatic variation – and humans could also have contributed indirectly through other means such as habitat fragmentation. They call for researchers to develop more reliable methods to clarify what really happened."

[gingersp1ce547]

Finale thoughts:

Pre learning about the finale:

This first bit was written before I found out what happened in the finale, the second paragraph is after

Gang I’m gonna be completely real with you, I kinda don’t even care anymore about this last arc. Like when c!wilburs last stream came out, I didn’t like it at first but eventually came to realize how much I liked it thematically for the story. But all of this stuff recently just feels like retreads of old plot lines without the emotions treads that originally made it special.

I hope I’m wrong. I hope the finale makes everything seem brilliant in retrospect but the writing just doesn’t feel as tight anymore. Not to mention I feel like everything is lost thematically. I can only watch c!tommy go through life changing tramua so many times without it feeling like torturep0rn. I found where the character was after c!wilbur left, interesting but to find out that it just leads us back to the beginning of the cycle feels disappointing.

And maybe that’s the point maybe it supposed to be that traumatized people will keep following the same cycles that hurt them until they chose to break out from them. But it doesn’t feel like c!tommy ever will and so I’m left feeling…disappointed? For lack of a better word.

Idk it’s like my dad will tell me about how he stopped reading game of thrones because it just got to grim dark, like there was so little hope left that there might as well be none. I’m not interested in watching these characters I care about be punished for attempting to heal, I’m fine with seeing them hurt and struggle but there’s gotta be a reward at some point. I guess it really does all depend on how things end, but right now I wish things ended with the disc finale.

Post learning about the finale:

Ok well shit I was right. I’m not super surprised, I think that the cc’s where kinda focused on just ending this story so they could move onto a new one so it’s not surprising that lacking passion would lead to a less satisfying and not as well written conclusion as other parts of this story.

Part of what drew me in so much to the story of the dsmp was the chaotic simpleness of it. I don’t know if anyone reading this has read lord of the flies but I always kinda thought of the server as something akin to if not a better representation of putting a bunch of humans in small space and seeing what happens (obviously with some caveats bc Minecraft but you get what mean).

The story to me was always the best when the stakes where personal but the cast was large. Think of pogtopia and all the different connections on both sides, think of doomsday and the excitement of watching all these people come together each for their own reasons and reacting to this large event. Not to mention those personal connections didn’t feel fantastical, they where grounded in things somewhat relatable to real life. I could connect to c!phil being disillusioned with countries after his son dies because of one even if I didn’t sympathize with his actions because I can imagine how that would feel. I could connect with C!tommy trying desperately to pull his life together after someone tramuatized him because I have been through something similar myself. Hell to even use a more recent event, I really enjoyed the complexities of c!quackity as a character because he was interesting and well written take on someone not coping well with his loses and tramua and taking it out on others.

What I unfortunately cannot really connect with is having a a screaming match with a guy who wants to learn more about the universe. And now that I’m thinking about it more I don’t even think it actually has to do with the fantastical elements of the revival book but more so like I feel like the themes in these last couple of streams leading up to the finale, did not have enough time to fully be touched upon before being discussed. The most we really got to see was C!Tommy’s reaction to being revived and C!Wilbur’s.

Part of the reason I felt like I was struggling to get invested was because when c!Dream started talking about how the world was ending because of the revive book I felt like I had no reason to believe him. I guess we could say the egg was that but even that feels like a far stretch when c!tommy didn’t acknowledge it as being such. I really think this is a case where giving this arc more time to be fleshed out would have been really good. Imagine watching tommy fall into obsession after Wilbur leaves instead of just being told it happened. Imagine him and maybe some other people on the server stumbling upon areas where the code is glitchy and odd things happen or maybe there’s giant pits into the void. Imagine being shown all the things we where told happened. I think that definitely would have helped at least me a lot.

Even so I feel like this finale did more harm than good by retroactively overwriting themes of other arcs. The l’manburg war was about material gain vs. emotional gain through both c!erets betrayal and c!Tommys giving up of his disc to win the war. The pogtopia arc was about power, to what ends do you go to get it with c!wilbur, what do you do with it though c!Schlatt, c!techno and c!quackity, and are you deserving of it with c!wilbur (baby girl has so many themes), c!tubbo, and c!tommy. And then the beginning of season 2 through doomsday dealt with the role of a country in peoples lives, and eventually leads into the discussion of attachments into the end of the season. Which as a theme attachments works so well because it feels inclusive towards all parts of the story so far and a natural progression of those earlier themes. Therefore it’s not surprising when after which everything starts to feel not as coherent and powerful.

My only guesses towards some of the themes past season 2 are, healing and attempts at happiness in comfort through the egg arc, and most characters that where not involved in that arc, arcs up to c!tommy being locked in the prison. And then after which I guess could be a sort of different take on how much power one person should have between c!dream and the revive book and c!sam and the prison?

I wanna clarify right now that I do not hate season 3, in fact I really like the beginning of it but the longer it went on and the more cc’s stopped playing just for even more cc’s I didn’t know to be added, the less I started to care.

The last thing I wanna talk about is how much it feels like c!ranboo got done dirty. We spent so much time getting invested into this mystery of a character only to not get most answers and the one we did get felt so weak. Like I’m sorry but only hearing c!dream say that oh yeah mindcontrol exists and he was using it on ranboo for awhile, and then watch tommy and tubbo be surprised for all of about 1 minute before moving on felt like a slap in the face after all that build up.

I’m frustrated and disappointed with how things have ended. But I don’t think that this overwrites the ingenious of the good parts on the dsmp and how much it will inspire new forms of story telling in the years to come.

As for volume 2, I’ll probably see what people say about it on this hellsite (affectionate) and then go from there on whether or not I’ll keep up with it. I hope it is a true reset and gives the cc’s the opportunity to start fresh with new ambitions and passions because I think it has the possibility to be something really good now that they have the experience of already having done this once.

Sorry for such a long post but it felt appropriate after writing analysis posts on this story for so long. Hope y’all who read this far have a wonderful rest of your day or night!

[babymilkawa]

Can you do the haikyuu captions with an S/o who is in their first year (fluffy)

yayy finally have a reason to write for kuroo and bokuto

first year s/o headcanons with:

oikawa tooru, sawamura daichi, kuroo tetsuro, bokuto kotaro

gn!reader :)

oikawa tooru

at first, you were a little hesitant on letting your relationship out

because some of his fans could be second or third years yk, we don’t want no bullies bullies b gone whoosh

but he is almost always by your side and has even acted annoyed to his fans if they were ever mean to you

having a third year as your bf means that you can get homework help whenever you want

and all your teachers love him

so they don’t mind if he hangs out in the classroom sometimes, as long as he doesn’t distract you

he’ll gush about how you and your little friends are so cute

pull that old man shit and be like “I remember those days, we were young and free~”

dramatic king

whenever you go to one of his games, you’ll always try to cheer louder for him compared to his other fans and he’s got like this big surge of pride

but afterwards he’ll be like “don’t lose your voice honey”

will want you to be the team’s new manager soooo bad

like will beg you on his knees because if you accept the current manager’s offer, you can see your bf even more and he can impress you 

the manager totally doesn't use that to try to convince you

oikawa really just loves how the slight age gap means he has more the reason to take care of you

your first time during a class sports event? he’s right by your side, making sure you don’t feel awkward or lost

yes he’s that type of person who looooves it when you ask questions and he can show off his smexy brain

a lot of times Iwaizumi will hit him in the back of the head if he’s talking with you too much and he’ll just sulk and slump his head on your shoulder 

sawamura daichi

he’ll always bop his head into ur class

he’s obviously also a teacher’s favorite have u met this guy 

oh wait no u haven’t, rip sucks to be u *sobs*

so the teachers don't mind

ur teachers prolly even gush about him with you, yk like those teachers who lOVE drama/gossip yea them

Nishinoya and tanaka always try to get ur attention bc your Daichi’s s/o and every time, Daichi will yell at them, telling them to not scare you off

but they still do it

tis a cycle

plays 128489x better when you’re around

wait gotta round that so 130000x

we know he’s very encouraging to his teammates but with you around? he’s like Yamaguchi’s personal cheering squad

will go to your house in the mornings, walk you to class, wait there at lunch, walk you home, ugh this man can’t get enough of u

he loves it when you lean against him when u guys walk together, he’ll wrap a secure arm around you and you nuzzle in his neck SHDFKJHDKS

u always help them shag the balls and he’s like “no, no, y/n let tanaka and Nishinoya do it” and those two are giving you puppy eyes

cue Daichi chasing them down

if tanaka and noya are puppies, he’s your bulldog

omg random but y'all know that one parks and rec episode where they’re picking people’s spirit dog? yea Daichi is like a bulldog

but once he turns to you it’s all 🌈🌟💫💝

but he’s genuine

no fakes we don’t want them

if you read my sick s/o hcs you’ll know how much of a “handsome boy” to elderly people he is 

hehe sry for the self promo

kuroo tetsuro

u already know what ur dates are gonna be like

he’s gonna smexy study with you *bites lip*

yea that’s right Kuroo just leave ur brain and go

this man,,,again I know,,,is adored by your teachers

“Kuroo you’ve still got that same hair!”

yea he’s def like a teacher assistant or smn during his free period

he’ll pick ur class and just wiggles his eyebrows whenever y'all make eye contact

when you’re done with a presentation, he’ll be the first and loudest when clapping

alwaysss is there when you need a pencil or an eraser

this man will literally prepare protein bars for you the morning u have a test, will give you a pep talk, y'all like huddle outside the classroom or something LMAO that’s cute tho

“you’re gonna go in there and you’re gonna kick that test in the ass ok?”

gives you a dad pat, a kiss to ur head and gives you two thumbs up when you glance at him at your desk

p sure everyone in your class wants him to hold a study session

but no ladies & gentlemen, he’s reserved for y/n and y/n only good day ☺️

its kinda impossible for u to fail

to thank his brain, you always show up to his practices and games

you give the team their water, towels, etc and he’s just yea that’s right they’re my s/o

now shower them with praise *holds them at gunpoint*

his schedule is busier than yours and he always feels bad abt it

which is why he’s soooo clingy if y'all sleepover or after hw

it’s hard for him to resist u cuddles during hw tho

OMIGOD WATCH THIS VID 

bokuto kotaro

ok at this point we know that all our captains are angels so

*deep inhale*

he’s a teachers favorite

there I said it sue me

so yes he WILL hang around your classroom and talk to the teachers

p sure he does that with akaashi buttt 👀

and if u can’t come out during break he’ll just mope by the doorway while akaashi nom noms on his snacc boccuto

he won’t rly help u with hw, he’ll try but go off topic and whoops why did a pillow hit my face

yea y’all don’t get much studying done so hopefully ur smart

ACTUALYYYYY you just call akaashi

DuH

bokuto will litrally be like “ur bad at math? Babe just jump in the pool with me rn with ur clothes on, take a shower and then we’ll call akaashi!!”

it was 1 am 💀

he’s a good distraction whenever you’re stressed out

literally sunshine in human form

if ur there during his practices and matches he almost NEVERS goes into Emo mode bc gotta impress my s/o

ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ!!

will randomly call out to you when he’s on the court

“HEY Y/N HI HELLO”

“this ones for you” *hits it into the net*

every time he gets a good play he’ll immediately look into the crowd and ur there jumping for him and he’s jumping back and awww

some ppl r wondering if he’s even older than u like y’all look abt the same age 🤔

he’s just 🍗🍗🍖🍖🍑🍑

if ur not there during practice he’ll definitely just slouch and swing his arms around “where’s y/nnnn”

someone lift his face up and kiss him on the nose

THATS U Y/N GET UR MAN

but he knows he can’t act like that during games

he’ll just have to suck it up

and pretend like ur there, pretend that ur voice is there

literally he can only pick out your cheers from a whole stadium of people

but obv u get the best seats ;)

a/n: aaah this was fun to write ^3^

haikyu!! masterlist

[kimnjss]

Are smutty Drabble requests ok? Bc I would like to hear more about Yoongis kink 👀 so maybe a Drabble about the night/day/time he actually got her pregnant?

⤑ impreg dialogue credit goes to @taetaewonderland​, go check out her work, she’s soo talented!

“do you know what day it is?” yoongi grins, sliding up to where you lay with your back against the headboard. quickly racking your brain, you try to think up a set of plans or events that you had overlooked... something that he might've mentioned earlier in the week and had slipped out due to your busy lives.

nothing. “thrusday?” you try. dark eyes rolling as he reaches his hand down to rummage through his pockets, pulling his phone from it. “you're ovulating,” his grin only widens as he shows you the pink app he had downloaded onto his phone. cycle carefully tracked and at the tip of his fingers after you were growing tired of him constantly asking you to check.

it all clicks at once, his grinning suggestion at the breakfast table for hyunki to spend the day with jimin instead of hanging out at home. plans for the two of them to go shopping and eat together and whatever else that would have hyunki out of the house for the entire day.

he's looping his fingers into the waistband of your shorts, eyes flickering down to watch the bit of skin his fingers reveal. “wanna make a baby?” one grip about how unromantic that was, is pulling a laugh from his lips. nevertheless, you're shimmying out of your shorts as his soft lips place wet kisses against your lips.

not even bothering to fully undress, you're still wearing his shirt and his jeans are only pushed down enough so he's able to pull his cock out. hard, as if he has been thinking about this all day. pressed against his hipbone, the tip flushed pink taunting you. eyes zeroed in on your glistening folds, fingers reaching out to run against your slit.

yoongi fucks his fingers into slowly, thumb stroking your clit slowly. soft moans fall from your lips, body moving in sync with his fingers. he's got one hand on you, focused on loosening you up for his cock while his free hand pumps over his cock. squeezing out a dribble of precum as your moans grow louder.

“fuck,” he breathes as he slips his cock past your folds, grin growing at the sound of the soft whine that falls from your lips at the feeling of being so full of him. he draws back, an experimental thrust that has his eyes rolling. “you feel so good wrapped around me,” voice a little bit above a whine.

large hands wrap around your calves, pulling them up toward his chest, your ankles hanging over his shoulders. and he scoots so his cock is nudging deeper inside of you. “read somewhere... chances of you getting pregnant... double in this position,” he speaks between groans that punctuate his thrusts.

your core is fluttering at the thought, how badly he wanted to make a baby with you. he had done so much reading, from the foods you should eat to how your sleep cycle could affect your chances. every day was filled with a new tidbit that he found, groceries constantly being bought with something new for you to try.

something about that was more than attractive, definitely had the power in turning you on.

soon enough, he's falling into a steady pace. hips snapping against yours as he holds your legs against his chest. your body shifting higher up on the bed with each one of his thrusts, until your head is tapping against the headboard. the pleasure is mixing with the slight pain, a pang of arousal has your walls clenching around him.

“fuck, you want it so bad, huh? can feel your pussy trying to milk me. gonna fill you up with all my babies, don't worry.” he gasps at the end of his words, the grip on your legs tightening as the movement of his hips start to stutter.

had held back from fucking you when your period had started this month, wanting to fill you with as much cum as possible to heighten the chances of you getting pregnant. because of the lack of regular sex, like honestly, it went from every night to... days of nothing, he was more sensitive than usual.

already close to filling you up. a frantic hand moves down between your legs, rubbing fast circles into your clit. the pressure making your hips lift off of the bed, eyes fluttering as your lunged toward your release. yoongi knows your body so well so it doesn't take long before you're falling apart underneath him, wanton moans filling the room as your hips move to ride out the orgasm.

he's not far behind you, thrusts much deeper nose the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix. “fuck, baby!” he gasps, pinning his hips against yours as thick spurts of cum spills from the tip of his cock coating your walls. “look at you, taking my cum so deep baby. gonna fuck all my babies into you.” he groans, the flow feels never-ending as his hips shift into a slow roll.

“can't wait to see you all swollen and big with my baby. you want to have all my babies, right?” he doesn't need the reassurance but loves to hear it. so it's no surprise the twitch of his cock when you're agreeing, pace in his thrusts growing harder as the last bits of his cum fills you.

so full that his thick seed is dribbling down out the sides of your entrance, sliding down the ridges of his shaft. yoongi is moving fast, cock slipping from inside of you. he uses the head of it to push his cum back in, eyes focused on the cream threatening to leak from your core.

“love you, baby,” he mumbles through a smile, lips finding yours in a gentle kiss. you're kissing him back quickly, fingers tangling in his hair as your mouth moves over his slowly. “tip your head over the edge,” his words are muffled due to the press of your lips, but his arms are moving you so it doesn't matter.

head tipped over the edge and legs lifted into the air. “just gotta let gravity do its thing.” you're bursting out a laugh and he's grinning down at you, arms wrapped around your knees, holding your legs to his chest. “i love you. can't wait to have all your babies,” he's beaming at that, cheeks darkening in the adorable way it does when he's flustered.

he doesn't say anything, just continues holding your legs up against him, looking at you like you're the love of his life. and that's good because he's the love of yours.

-

masterlist.

⇝ taglist: @randomkoalablog @smoljams @dee-ehn @jaiuneamesolitaiire @hehehehahahohohuhu @sw33tnight @butterflylion @withlovestudyblr @soulstaes @bangtansonyeondayyyum @samros95 @korkanswers @houseofarmanto @marifujioka @tae165 @uxwi @jinhitwhore @preciouschimine @yeontanie21 @aa-ronpa @taefect94 @lee-karliah @codeinebelle @mochibabycakes @diminieshoe @fuddyize  @soloikeadates @0xmysticx0 @bbyjoonies @amoreguk @tricethecharm @diminieshoe @jayyayyy17 @softlyjins @bangtan-noona @fan-atic-blog @fuck-expectations-people @paradisetaemin @nyamjinnie @lilacdreams-00 @vsugakookie0104 @koostime @la-evforia @betysotelo18 @chocobetterknot @simplysanha @delicategukkie @kookieswithtaeq @jeon-ggukkie @angjeon

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[zeravmeta]

komaeda as a master to kama as a servant in a grail war would be. interesting actually. 

like realistically a divine spirit of kamas caliber would only come in extreme situations like the grand order but obviously nagitos luck struck again, and he’s left with a winning bullet. problem is that obviously he’s gotta get some huge stroke of bad luck after this not to mention the fact that kama would require obscene amounts of mana to remain and function. obviously though, nagito’s luck would keep him alive throughout this entire exchange because his continued life is only bad luck to him, not to mention he’s not gonna die to any old mage! if he’s gonna die in a grail war, it’s gotta be to a shining beacon, an example of hope for everyone! 

kama, on the other hand, would see this human calling out to them and go “why the hell did you summon me i thought you wanted to win. well whatever i cant be bothered to do this”. but it would bother them to an extent. how this random human not only called to them but also has such an extreme cycle of luck and seeks their death proactively instead of just giving up like them. so contradictory, to be so defeatist yet want to die with glory, as a stepping stone to someone else. they can feel that his love for hope is genuine, but its also intertwined with his hatred for himself and his own luck, his hatred and jealousy for normal people people who lead normal lives. 

kama is someone who “gives love” as opposed to kiara who “receives love”. unfortunately, they’re also the hella big sad bc their duty is ultimately what got them unfairly killed. they know how insidious and self-destructive nagito’s love is because they've seen it, they know it, they ARE it, and coupled with his extreme luck have left him feeling like such a complicated mess that kama would understand him. they know the despair nagito feels very well, and they also know that all it does is make you lose yourself and give up. they can tell nagito gave up on himself a long time ago, but they still seek that eventual hope, the light that would make his entire life worth it, so they'd observe, talk with nagito, who praises them so genuinely from the bottom of his heart that kama is left wondering whose really the broken one between the two.

in terms of the actual fight, it'd be a nightmare for the other masters and servants because its the human that's the bigger threat. kamas fine to let nagito throw himself at whatever comes his way and just watch from the sidelines but they also see just HOW he became this way when his luck leaves him completely unharmed from every encounter with an enemy master and servant, and how the entire time nagito would be saying that they’re happy to die for someone else as long as it leads to a great hope. nagito wouldn't even be that great of a mage, its just that his luck would make him completely unkillable by normal means, especially since him constantly seeking his own death is what in turn lets the cycle balance out and constantly have him survive things he shouldn't. kama would watch gobsmacked as some enemy mages two thousand year old magics lose in the face of nagito tripping on a pebble and that somehow causing a meteor to kill both them and the servant, and begin to understand just why he is like this. however, nagito doesnt just kill or enter fight willy nilly, no kama watches as he carefully scouts his targets and observes them, and kama can see the focus, the desparation even, to find someone who would be that hope for him.

ultimately it'd probably come down to both of them just tearing each other apart because both are huge reminders to each other of their own bitterness and despair that they wouldn't be able to handle it. nagito wouldn't understand why kama is so self-depreciating; there a deity! they represent love, surely there such a great hope that they wouldn't need anything else! they’ve helped so many people live and be happy that they should also be happy, because they’re so beloved by everyone else. meanwhile kama would be frustrated with this human who suffers so much in the name of their love, who allows every indignity he faces as a consequence of simply existing and justifies it with the idea that it’ll all be worth it. however, that would also help themselves in turn, even. nagito eventually facing the reality that his luck was never karmic, but just because he cant control it doesn't mean that he should continue degrading himself for it, and kama accepting that they did get unlucky but that they also shouldn't just give up on themself like they did. hilariously, they would reciprocate the genuine love and affection that both of them crave for each other

anyways they'd totally win solely because after like two weeks of living together once they get the tension out nagito would go “alright lets end this no ones been cool enough to kill me”, take a pistol and fire randomly into the sky, causing a chain event that kills the remaining masters and/or servants. he’d probably give the grail away to some rando, too, or his luck would spontaneously cause it to stop working bc why wouldnt it

[mingmingfufu]

Can we just talk about the ending of KawoShin open discuss. *sort of spoilerish*

I feel like I’m the only one who’s like reallly disappointed LMFAO--ya’ll there’s so much “canon” alternative universe and merchandise for Kawoshin in Evangelion that it kind of makes me upset to realise this couple just went down the drain. Yeah, I can see how people were like, “Kaworu’s toxic” or “Kaworu has a hero complex for Shinji” to which I say are valid points. But the toxic thing I feel like can also be applied to pretty much everyone around Shinji tbh, except for Rei. I did NOT, like Asuka at all but I really love her character though, and I felt for her a lot throughout the series.

I did not ship them either because honestly, Shinji and Asuka seemed better off playing the sibling dynamic instead of trying to play bf/gf which honestly is kind of forced by their living situation. Also since they’re in a similar disposition non existent father and dead mother, you’d imagine they would rely on each other for emotional comfort. Though Asuka—her personality I feel like she can’t differentiate between familial love and romantic love and the affection she wants is a bit of both. But, her character tries to be “mature”; she wants romantic love more and does this through sexual means and romantic gestures e.g. like kissing. One of my friends told me that you can’t stay friends as a boy and a girl cause eventually you catch feelings. Which I say is kinda dumb cause I have a lot of male friends, and I definitely don’t harbour those feelings, but I guess it’s a common phenomena.

I think this is what happens in this case, of Asuka and Shinji. Even after rejection of instrumentality they actually are depicted as childhood friends. But knowing how they both were before to each other, it was not good tbh. Also to mention the choking like thrice— bro if anything, this showcases a really abusive relationship and I think this outstretches the idea of their character tropes. Which I firmly stand by saying they’re superficial to each other. AsuShin were never really there for each other and are using each other in a forced situation. However, you can’t deny that they didn’t at some point catch feels, also Shinji is pretty consistent how he still cares about everyone around him. Which I really like how they add that to his character because it reminiscent of Yui, because you see a duality of both his parents personality in Shinji throughout the series—it’s a really nice touch. But bruh, if we gonna talk about that coma scene—I’m out LOL.

Thoughhhh, she is a true definition of best girl I really like her arc, fighting drive, and her skills as an Eva pilot 😭💗--but bruh she’s still a toxic and sometimes annoying tsundere trope, but still she’s 14 what can you do. So I feel like Kensuke and Asuka are actually a pretty good combo, cause he’s always been pretty mature even without parents. Also Asuka was into older guys, so I guess this is a win win?? Also Rei and Shinji, I honestly cannot get my head around it cause that’s pretty much his mom—so in a way that’s like either his half-sister or mom-ish clone?? Idk but Yui is definitely the donor LOL.

Kaworu and Shinji I felt like brought a bunch of things out of each other. I don’t know which timeline begins first, but I’d like to think the manga, the anime (plus its movies), and then to the rebuild series. Because I think that order is kind of pivotal to observing Kaworu’s character development from being a person who’s trying to understand human feelings to then the kinder person we see in the final series. You can tell how he’s changed and he knows Shinji a lot more as well as being considerate to him e.g. giving him personal space or letting him work at his own pace. Also that “we’ll meet again.” Is an obvious nod to how he’s done this before.

His literal story in every timeline is always romantic LOL, like bruh I can’t remember which game it was but basically a bad ending of Kawoshin route is that you reject Kaworu and he starts the third impact 🤡. Also I don’t know why but I started to see a weird dynamic between those two, in the manga their interactions reminded me of Asuka and Shinji—which Shinji is the tsundere Asuka here. I don’t know if this is relevant but the older character relative to the character they’re with seems to play off a mature vs a childish person trope. Asuka is younger than Shinji and Shinji is actually younger than Kaworu. Then again I could be overseeing this but istg manga Kaworu and Shinji mirror the whole Asushin dynamic. Like he’s seriously agressive against Kaworu, then after killing him he admits liking him. 🤡 I don’t know which is funnier no homo Shinji, homophobe shinji, or just closet Shinji who needs to realise sexuality is a spectrum so he could’ve idk—come out as bisexual, but whatever manga Shinji lol that timeline is over.

Anyways the development of these two is real and I think the rebuild timeline shows them at their best bringing their own personage out from each other like how they both enjoy music together--WHICH I’M SO SAD WE NEVER GET TO SEE THAT CELLO AGAIN. Then there’s those feelings of humanity, love, kindness, etc. Which yeah an angel could represent those things, but Kaworu is still his own person, self-aware of a cycle and if you think about how he initially was there to USE Shinji, but ultimately turned on that plan set by SEELE because he loved Shinji (and a bunch of other things like him showing Kaworu humanity). I also can see the argument, how “ideal” Kaworu is to Shinji, but he’s more self aware of the time he has before he KNOWS he’ll die and knows how to act for himself in that duration to make the most of it. All with Shinji. At some point, I think he fell in love with Shinji tho I don’t know where it began tbh—considering that all those alternate universes do exist. Kaworu does romantically love Shinji--so, in some universe they both reciprocate their feelings to each other. 

In the last movie during that convo with Shinji. Like bREH it’s so emotionally moving because Kaworu remembers ALLLLL the timelines and how he’s been with Shinji and later Shinji himself recalls the events too. Where they show the scene from the manga and anime. Kaworu cries after being set free from the EVA cycle. Which, I definitely understood what he meant by him saying “it’ll be lonely” and how Shinji changed or that he’s actually different this time.

Either way, Shinji did right by him because it’s always Kaworu who has the purpose of “trying to save Shinji” but it always ends up the same. I thought that was really moving because Shinji tells Kaworu he’s gonna let him live a life for himself for once and he wants the same for everyone as well. Which was honestly so meaningful cause I think Kaworu’s character and like Rei too when they start to realise how to “live” like a person and not another puppet it’s truly liberating. Another thing I forgot, bruh Kaworu calls Gendo his father and ngl I feel like this is kind of a weird lore situation because I for sure don’t think he’s the donor. I think he calls him that as an insult because he knows Gendo’s whole doing and relative to Shinji—I kind of see it as a joke LOL. Like it’s equivalent to saying, “daddy chill”, or “hey look it’s daddy and his plans to end the world” also I kind of like to think of it as a father in law thing cause you know, Kawoshin *winks amirite*

The ending, I’m honestly hoping is just an open ending because it gives everything an actual start of their adult lives not being dictated by extraterrestrial forces. Though, I’m kind of wondering if the world doesn’t have EVAs does that still mean everyone else still has the same backstory, and do they remember? Maybe Mari really is just a coworker lmfao, and there’s still a chance for Kaworu and Shinji cause ngl, they did have a convo (presumably from the spoilers) about still remaining close afterwards and that stare at the ending seems very hopeful.

I call bs from Anno saying, “oh Shinji is based off him and Mari off of his wife”, like honestly any OCs made theres always some part of yourself made into that character. Which is probably why a lot of people relate to the characters in EVA because they’re based off real things (e.g. those war machines characters are named after and people around them). I think why Kaworu and Rei are together at the end, is bc they’re very much the same. They’re mass produced dolls—which oddly enough that’s the case for all the children except they don’t recall the loop. Kind of funny also how both Kaworu and Rei became farmers lmfao so ig it runs in the family (yes that’s right I like the idea that they’re siblings it was always noted that they’re like “the same”).

Another thing, i think why the rebuild really did well for Kawoshin and in my opinion canonised it—the convo with elder Ryoji Kaji (Misato’s baby daddy) that there was a time he felt incredibly lonely and depressed thinking Misato didn’t love him and so he started looking out for himself. So self love and found himself a hobby in farming which he suggests to Kaworu—basically saying he might feel like Shinji doesn’t love him but he’s gotta remember to take care of himself. if I go thru a breakup ill feel like it’s the end of the world but Kaji says y’a gotta self love broe and take care yo self gad dam fam 😭 💗.

Though, that look at the end from Shinji to Kaworu—I’d like to believe there is still hope that one day when they’re a bit stable in their adult lives, they’ll run into each other.

[wehatejulietsimms]

This is an Andy appreciation post. I’m re-listening to Vale because I never understood.

It has much religious imagery but it’s *more* than just metaphors and analogies.

There’s four views I’ve understood finally and maybe more.

I will not mention anything of the specifics BVB is fighting against in Vale because like I said, this is an appreciation post and I don’t want to bring up anything negative if I don’t have to make it a point. If anyone wants me to go further into detail about what specifically I feel is going on, just ask because my gut has a keen reception on lyrics and events.

1. Religious persecution:

To the unawakened folks or the ones that progressively sin in the name of God.

Fighting for equality that when people fuck up, it isn’t the death of them. Just the death of an ego and awakening into more self compassion.

2. Talking to the fans that are blind to reality

In many songs off Vale, Andy always talks about preaching but never fully being heard from the blind and innocent. He’s tired but he will keep fighting, because he wants to make an active change to the community in a way he can but feels weak from time to time, yet never giving up!

3. Ashley

When Ashley was outed publicly, Andy never dedicated this song to him but posted the lyrics with no caption when Ashley was accused. Throw the first stone.

4. Letter to self: acknowledging this is an end of a cycle. Hint: the album name and song lyrics.

Our Destiny is a big one. It’s not just a rock love song about trying to save a destiny between two people. It’s saving himself from his past “sins” “fuckups” and saying it’s not too late to heal, which it’s never too hate to heal from the past and present. I feel like it’s “hey, I’m going into ashes now but I’ve already made amends with it and I’ll rise again and again, however many times to make it out of mental and physical surroundings.” Also, I feel it was referencing Lost it All in a way, like most of his songs do, it’s a personal and universal message that there’s so much shit in life that will knock you down and you will heal while STILL in a hurt place physically. I really want to appreciate that truth that there’s a lot of healing that still is in the midst of pain. (Props to you, Andy!) Many abusive childhoods can resonate with that as well as being stuck in relationships/friendships/or generational curses including being in debt. (Which he mentions a lot in interviews) I really do think he’s gonna get out because he’s such a wise soul and nobody gives him props to healing, and being such a mature wise man even though he’s not at his highest or best surroundings. I mean, I don’t know any other artist that’s stuck in a shitty situation and is still uplifting, real, and promotes healing and is why so many BVB army members resonate with the music. I really respect he says that people heal themselves but use his music as a resonating device to heal, when fans say he’s their hero.

Andy has overcome addictions, has had to protect his life many times, has written so much uplifting and real wisdom from a dark place of mind or just straight up otherworldly strength and vulnerability which I admire because it’s beautiful and real, doesn’t have many real helpful people around him, has been a real role model by himself, is overcoming shame and lies & generation healing, he’s really had to rely on himself and I’m glad his band members really allow him to take control of the lyrics in such an inspiring way. Even though he’s still dealing and people pleasing to toxic people, remember everyone, people in abusive relationships and are trapped have to people please in order to stay alive and not get harmed. Many don’t understand that if they’ve never been abused. (They don’t need to understand, Andy! We see it) His perseverance is real and don’t judge someone for figuring out their own life. Sometimes freedom comes from music (even though other aspects from the rock industry contradict it). Let’s be supportive of him right now because he’s branching off into a new territory and finding out what’s working for him SAFELY. Yes, I don’t agree with a lot of what he says in his insecure moments in interviews and lies in his book/irl (gotta remember that’s a trauma brain response), but his music speaks in a way that is truth and can help many people going through many things and express it in a healthy way. Also I believe many fans live in denial about his life due to the fact that they’re probably living through it in their own life and can’t recognize it in another person. Or are attracted to his light but want nothing to do to help keep it alive as in tearing him down (secret haters). Anyways, I respect him for going above and beyond and it’s really admirable because like I said, nobody in the industry has ever done what he’s done. His art is perseverance.

5. He’s been a role model for so many hurting depressed people because they resonate to his own story and his strength is a catalyst for their own strength. I dislike when people deny he’s been living in trauma and overcoming many times in his life because that’s literally what this band was formed into. There’s so much evidence in his life and in the music. He’s had to take on a role for his (hurt & healing) self and it naturally became a safe space for BVB army to interact and resonate with him. He had to do that at 18/19 and if anyone’s that age or older, you know that age is just a child. I applaud him for being that young while having no parental guidance while creating something beautiful and divine, though I do empathize for his inner child. His albums are art that are darker, not evil, and is a place where children/adults who were rejected in any form can find solace in their own mind and thus can create healing. His words are moving and you have to applaud the man for keeping it together when people of all directions were hating on his every move and it was because he has such a big heart and everyone around him wants to keep him caged out of selfishness. Even when he had meltdowns and (not saying he couldn’t also be toxic because everyone has the capacity but meltdowns get overlooked because it’s a spur of the moment thing and everyone thinks it’s a violent episode but it’s due to triggers as well as not being sober) still wanted to show up for everyone including his own self that he knows himself to be, that he didn’t want to let rot. He’s really a strong soul and it gets overlooked a lot. He’s striving for betterment of himself for more than a decade (with so much persecution even in his own circle) and people keep wishing that “I hope he gets out” and this is how he’s helping himself for the moment until he can actually get out. So again, props to him. We’re proud of you, Andy! Keep going! We believe in you. Keep taking care of your overall being. Thanks for believing in us all of these years. Some of us even made it out of the hurt place we were in and are living happy, peaceful, healthy lives after trauma.

^^i literally almost teared up reading this. this is exactly why i love him so much (& what made me fall in love with him/BVB in the first place) you said everything perfectly. i honestly wish i could pin posts on here bc i really want this to be the first thing people read on the blog. as much as people think this blog is supposed to be outright hateful, (although it contradicts the name of the blog lol) i can assure you it's not. as fans we want the best for our favorite artists and when an artist has helped/continued to help you and so many other people out of dark places it sucks to see that through that they can't help themselves. i just want the best for him and for him to be 100% happy again. that's the purpose of this blog.